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youngpettyqueen · 6 months ago

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I need to talk about Julian's whole thing with Sloan in Extreme Measures cause it does actually make me feel a certain kind of rabid

Extreme Measures is a great episode for the Julian/Miles dynamic and has a lot of great moments with them but I think an underrated element of the episode is how it very plainly shows just how much the Dominion War has changed Julian, and how his morals have shifted into a much greyer area

Julian in this episode is very callous towards Sloan even as he's literally dying. he has no issues violating Sloan's mind, and when Sloan dies, the only reason he actually cares is because the answers and secrets Sloan has will die with him. truly cannot emphasize enough just how deeply Julian fucking hates Sloan, and sheer hatred isnt something we really see all that much from Julian, especially not to the degree he was with Sloan

even with that, though, Julian has never been like that with another patient. Julian doesnt let his personal feelings get in the way of being a doctor, and always treats his patients with the utmost care and his best work. Julian was willing to find a cure for the Jem'Hadar's addiction, simply because they asked for help, even if it meant potentially making them into a much bigger threat than they already were. Julian treated Tain in Camp 371. and, sure, Julian does treat Sloan, but he does so explicitly because Sloan has information they need, not because he has any care for Sloan's life

and I think that- his willingness to violate Sloan's mind to get what they need, and how he didn't particularly care that Sloan died- is a really bleak look at just how much the war has changed Julian and how much it's shifted his moral compass. throughout the war, Julian has been ordered time and time again to compromise his morals. add to that several traumatic events- multiple of which are orchestrated by Sloan- and a slide into deep depression, and it's no wonder he gets to a point where he can do the things he does in this episode

and I dont think it hits him until much later. I think one day, long after the war has ended and theyre still rebuilding everything that was broken, Julian lays awake at night and remembers how bad it got and what he became willing to do, and it makes him sick to his stomach

#star trek: ds9 #julian bashir #luther sloan #Luther Sloan's death wasn't painful enough I need to bring him back and kill him again #Julian's hatred for Sloan is so compelling to me #I love when a character who is fundamentally kind and compassionate is driven to consuming hatred and rage #and Sloan does that to Julian in ways I dont think anybody else does #and that hatred is what allows Julian to do what he does #cause when you think about it- violating a dying man's mind- that is. INSANE #and not something you would expect from Julian who has always been so staunch about his morals #the morals he's been asked to compromise. over and over. by the people he looks up to #its so tragically ironic #Sloan wanted Julian to move into greyer areas and he got exactly what he wanted #except in the process it also got him killed #and yeah I think it does haunt Julian later #because Julian is a fundamentally good person #so one day he will have to contend with what he did #what he was willing to do #he's too good of a person to not have to wrestle with this at some point #maybe ill write a fic about it #I think about it often

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ssruis · 7 months ago

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Hello welcome to yet another post that was 1) originally meant to be a short thing but it rapidly got out of hand 2) caters to me specifically 3) is all over the place because I kept finding more things I wanted to talk about

The way rui approaches emotions is so fascinating to me bc like. He approaches everything with a very rational/logical thought process instead of an emotional one and he tends to either ignore his emotions or view them as an obstacle/hinderance.

(From his gleaming stars card story)

If he acknowledges that he’s upset or unhappy he tends to just go “oh well. What can you do.” & then berates himself for not wanting to be unhappy. I feel like a lot of that can be explained by his childhood alienation from his peers.

In RMD his reaction to his classmates refusing to take part in his play once he explained the tree jump stunt & them calling him weird is to blame himself:

Little Nene: Rui, what’s the matter? Did something sad happen?

Little Rui: Nene… No. That’s not it. I pushed my show onto everyone and bothered them.

(From RMD - TL by Arven Oven)

Which is pretty telling. To Rui, the issue is that he asked for too much, that he as a person is something that must be tolerated by his peers.

But ultimately he still has faith that he’ll find his people.

Little Rui: …That’s right. People like you, Nene, who would say that they like my shows, surely exist out there. I want to make my own shows. But as of now - I think it might be a little hard.

(RMD)

And he *did* keep trying to find people who would accept him for a while - Wonder Halloween shows that he continued to try to reach out even after the stuff that happened in RMD, but eventually anyone he got a little close to would end up leaving & reinforcing his idea that he was too different from others to form relationships.

(From Wonder Halloween)

I’ve seen some people say him giving up on forming relationships was due to the events shown in RMD, but I think it was more of a result of him experiencing the same rejection over and over again. The definition of insanity is trying over and over again when the result never changes, and despite what his peers may think, Rui is not insane. I think he gradually lost faith in his parents assurance that he would find people who accepted him - he begins pushing Nene, the only person who hasn’t left him yet, away.

Middle School Rui: I’m working on a solo project… but I haven’t found anyone else like you that’s willing to help.

Middle School Nene: oh, I see…

Middle School Nene: then would you like to join the troupe I’m in…?

Middle School Nene: I mean, uh…

Middle School Rui: hehe. It’s nice of you to invite me, but there’s no need to pity me. I’m doing ok on my own, and it’s for the best anyway.

(From Wonder Halloween)

Why he pushed Nene away is sort of left up to interpretation - To protect her from himself? To leave her before she left like everyone else? - but I think the assumption that her invitation is out of pity show that at least part of his decision to push her away was out of the belief that she, like everyone else, was simply tolerating him. If he assumes everyone hates him/is scared of him right off the bat, he can avoid getting his hopes up and being crushed when he’s inevitably abandoned. It’s not unhealthy or detrimental to forming relationships he’s just recognizing a pattern and using it to predict the behavior of others (blatantly wrong).

Zombie Plushies: We can tell you’re just pretending to be friends! Deep down, you’re probably scared and disgusted by us too!

(…)

Zombie Plushies: We’ll never fit in with them anyway…

Rui: …! (Never fit in with them, huh…)

(…)

Rui: When I look at them… I remember how things used to be.

(WXS world link, TL by Haruka’s penguin)

He rationalized his loneliness with “I’m just incompatible with other people” which

1) ow.

2) if he’s incompatible with other people, there’s no reason to get his hopes up because he’ll never find people he fits in with

3) if nothing is ever going to get better, he should be content with being alone. There’s no reason to be sad over a fact of life. It is what it is.

4) being sad over this is inconvenient, unhelpful, and a distraction from following his dreams (on his own)

5) inflicting himself onto others is a selfish desire and he should just keep to himself. “It’s for the best, anyway.”

6) he’s perfectly fine on his own. He doesn’t need anyone for his shows, and he doesn’t need friends.

By the time the WXS main story takes place, he’s already fully convinced himself that he’s better off alone, and that Actually It’s Super Beneficial For Him & His Shows And He’s Fine Like This.

Middle School Rui: Solitude isn’t as bad as people make it out to be.

Middle School Mizuki: huh?

Middle School Rui: In fact, it has had certain benefits for me. It’s given me plenty of time to see plays and to think over ideas for shows, for example.

(Kamikou festival)

Rui: hehe. Unfortunately, we won’t be doing a show together.

Rui: you see, I like to work alone and with absolute freedom to stage any show I want.

Rui: as long as my shows fill my audience’s hearts with joy, I’m perfectly satisfied.

(WXS main story) (“I’m perfectly satisfied” me when I lie)

I feel like it’s overlooked that the only reason rui joined wxs was to get nene in the group. I’m probably going to talk about his continued pushing of Tsukasa’s limits/suggesting insane stunts and over emphasizing how dangerous they are at a later date - and how that was (imo) an attempt to find the point where Tsukasa would hate and leave him too -

(surely this is too good to be true, Tsukasa/wxs will be like all the others -> wait he’s not calling me a freak and leaving ok I guess I’ll go full throttle on the insane shit surely at some point he’ll get tired of me -> he got injured because of me and he’s still here?? what the fuck???? Well now I care about him & this group so I need to pull back I’m not going to get a second chance)

(Wonder Halloween)

- but I would like to briefly mention that Rui literally suggests risking Tsukasa’s life right off the bat & when Tsukasa is like “?? I don’t want to die???” Rui just goes “alright I’m out of the group I guess bye. have fun nene!”

Rui: Don't worry, the device can be securely attached to the stage in a way that will keep the audience perfectly safe. Please make sure you don't touch it or you'll die.

Tsukasa: what about keeping ME safe?!

(…)

Tsukasa: I’m not going to risk my life on-stage!

Rui: but you said you’d perform any role I gave you to, quote, 12000%, unquote!

Rui: I'm afraid that I have no choice but to step down as a stage director. Nene, good luck working with these people.

(Wxs main story)

Unfortunately humans are a social species & emotions don’t follow (faulty) logic so rui *was* unhappy on his own and he *did* want to have friends. Which I’m sure he continued to call himself selfish/greedy for feeling. Rationalizing all of this was a way he could accept/make peace with being miserable (because it must be this way, because this is how it will always be).

Rui: I was the same a long time ago… I gave up on fitting in with anyone.

(…)

Rui: If they don’t understand me, that just can’t be helped, if they disagree with the way I think, that just can’t be helped… I would think like that.

Rin: Rui-kun…

Rui: - in reality, I really did want to put on a show with someone else. But people didn’t understand the shows I was making. On a subconscious level, I convinced myself it wasn’t going to work out and gave up on the idea.

(WXS world link)

(Wxs Journey to bloom animation)

This added scene from the main story animation adds to this - why he leaves WXS did have to do with Tsukasa yelling at Nene, but the reason he doesn’t come back after Nene forgives Tsukasa is because Tsukasa’s self centered attitude is something that antithetical to a belief that Rui thought he’d given up on a long time ago: great shows *can’t* be made alone, no matter how many times you insist that you don’t need anyone else. As much as he denied it, Rui *did* still want to connect with people and be accepted - not just for the purpose of making shows, but to have a place where he belonged. For the first time in years Rui got his hopes up, started believing in what his parents told him, and Tsukasa proved to him that he never should have done so in the first place. Unlike the other times, though, Rui is the one to walk away first. & then tsukasa/wxs do the whole “true feelings” show etc etc we know how the main story ends.

That being said, I think that Rui still subconsciously believed WXS would grow to hate him and leave because he would finally be Too Much. Wonder Halloween showed him that this wasn’t true (Which is why it’s so important that the zombie plushies in the world link performed potato ghost to connect to the other plushies - it’s the show that was performed when Rui fully realized that wxs was not going to abandon him.) but I feel like that only cemented the fact that wxs would keep performing alongside him, not that they were his friends.

Rui also very clearly did not process or evaluate how his childhood impacted him.

Nene: When you talked about the old days, you seemed happy.

Rui: fufu. I don’t mind it anymore because it was so long ago.

(His RMD card story - TL by Rubilia Heartfilia) (me when I lie part two)

After so long by himself, with shows as the only thing he had, I think that having a connection to people *outside* of shows was completely unfathomable to Rui.

Which is why he’s kind of incapable of realizing why the idea of leaving wxs hurts him so much,

(Curtain call)

why he doesn’t realize why he starts holding back in wonder Halloween or why he holds back on the cheer squad,

(Cheer squad event)

And why he’s surprised that wxs cares for him not just as a director, but as a friend.

(Festival bathed in twilight)

I make fun of him for taking a year to finally be like “yeah tsukasa-kun and I are friends” but I think it’s pretty reasonable taking his trust/abandonment issues into account. Accepting Tsukasa’s offer to join wxs (twice) changed his life drastically - he realizes that he can connect to others outside of shows, that it’s possible for him to form relationships with people outside of wxs. Rui just needed to make the choice to accept the outreached hands - not changing the parts of himself that people previously deemed too weird or strange (not that he was ever going to do that anyways) but changing his attitude of “it’s just impossible for me to be accepted.”

Rui: I had always thought that I could never properly understand everyone around me.

Rui: as I started doing shows at Wonder Stage with everyone, my way of thinking and feelings began to change.

Rui: now, I am able to understand and connect with someone without relying on shows, and I’ve come to value the beauty of laughing alongside others

Rui: that’s why — tsukasa-kun. Thank you for giving me the chance to change.

(…)

Tsukasa: but… it’s not only just thanks to me, y’know?

Rui: eh?

Tsukasa: think about it. No matter how many chances I gave you, if you had refused to change, you would never have done so, right?

(Pandemonium, TL by Tsukasa’s #3 fan)

This is also why he tends to berate himself for having the very normal desire to hold on to wxs. He’s never had something like this before, where he has people who accept and love him as he is. He’s never wanted to keep something as badly as this. He’s asking too much of them, he’s imposing like he did with his classmates in RMD, he should let them leave. It’s the mature thing to do. He spent so long on his own, he should be fine going back to that, isn’t it selfish and greedy to want more?

(Curtain call)

(Talking abt wanting to keep doing shows w wxs and his actions in OHE) Rui: Now that I think about it, I’ve been pretty selfish.

(World link)

Rui: (…When the time comes, even I, too, will have to move forward.)

Rui: (…Moving forward, can I do that?)

Rui: (…Geez, I really lack a backbone. When will the time come when I find myself satisfied with the way things are?)

(…)

Rui: (While working to make my dream come true, together with everyone, I will make their dreams come true. A way to do that - let me think of one.)

Rui: (fufu, how greedy of me.)

(Curtain call - TL by Arven Oven & Tsukasa’s #3 Fan) (fuck you ensekai)

I think that, in future events, he’ll (hopefully) come to realize there are more people who will accept him (& get more trust ranks. Please.). I think it’s an impossible ask for him to be completely fine with wxs going their separate ways some day (and the same goes for everyone else in wxs), but I think when the time comes it will at least be bittersweet and with the knowledge that he can find other places to belong & that his relationships with the rest of wxs is strong enough to withstand not being in the same troupe. Things can’t stay the same forever, but change doesn’t have to be bad. Etc etc.

#mine #project sekai #analysis #rui #hiii (twirls hair) (covered in blood) (visibly dying)#me when I’m so normal about these characters #you don’t want to know how long I spent on this post the answer is too fucking long.#i hate that purple fuck (said with incredible fondness and love)#at some point I’m sure I’ll write about emu & her 400 mental illnesses and analyze nene’s character in depth #and do that analysis on the roof & it’s importance to rui & tsukasa (mainly rui)#but also I need to not spend hours on miku game analysis.#incredibly self serving post in that every in depth analysis on these characters I create is one step closer to feeling comfortable #writing the 3 million fic ideas in my head #and also because I’m not organizing this better you’ll take the word vomit and like it

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moldy-flowers · 3 months ago

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The interesting experience of being pro Sasuke, anti konoha, pro tobirama, anti Naruto ending, pro Sasusaku, anti Itachi, pro Sakura, anti SasuNaru, pro Tobirama×Izuna, anti Madara, pro karin, anti Orochimaru, pro Uchiha and anti Hashirama. And also as much as I hate the guy danzo was kind of hot when he was younger...

#I FEEL ITS VERY IMPORTANT TO SAY THAT I COMPLETELY RESPECT SNS TO THE ULTIMATE DEGREE AND I AGREE WITH THEIR SHIPPERS ON MOST THINGS #BUT THE SHIP STILL KINDA PISSES ME OFF IDK WHY IM SORRY IT JUST RUBS ME THE WRONG WAY I HAVE TRIED TO LOVE IT I REALLY HAVE BUT I CANT #AND MADARA HAD SOME GOOD POINTS BUT I THINK ITS SHITTY THAT HE ABANDONED HIS CLAN AND THEN PLOTTED THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD #ALSO ITACHI HAD LIKE OTHER OPTIONS!???? WHY THE FUCK DID HE TORTURE SASUKE TWICE LIKE 😭😭😭#WHAT WAS THE POINT MY G WHY ARE YOU TORTURING HIM I THINK THE MENTAL IMAGE OF THEM DYING WAS ENOUGH DIDNT NEED TO GIVE HIM 500000 EXAMPLES #WE AS A SOCIETY DO NOT TALK ENOUGH ABOUT THE FACT THAT WHEN MADARA ASKED HASHIRAMA TO EITHER KHS OR KILL TOBIRAMA #TOBIRAMA GENUINELY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT THAT HASHIRAMA WOULD GO AFTER HIS THROAT FOR LIKE- THIS GUY WHO HE USED TO THROW STONES WITH!???#ITS SO DIFFICULT TO FIND PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND SASUKES TRAUMA AND WHO LIKES SASUSAKU 😭😭#COS LIKE ILL 100% ADMIT THAT THE RELATIONSHIP WAS WRITTEN SHITILY AND SUCKED AND DESPITE THE FACT THAT THEYRE SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE BROTHERS #SNS HAS BETTER WRITING THAN SSK OR NRHN SOMEHOW???? ITS WRITTEN SO WELL PEOPLE GENUINELY BELIEVE THE ORIGINAL PLOT HAD SNS PLANNED #BUT ALSO SAKURA IS SO SILLY AND STRONG AND DID ANY OF YOU READ SASUKE RETSUDEN “Trapped by a body he knew perfectly”#OKAY SASUKE YOURE ON A MISSION??? CALM THE FUCK DOWN 😭😭#NO AND IN LIKE SSK FICS SASUKE IS SOME BAD BOY WHO JUST SMIRKS AND IS EMOTIONLESS AND SAKURA IS SOOOOO EMOTIONAL FUCK OFF YOU TWATS!!!!#SASUKE IS THE KITTEN!! SAKURA SO OBVIOUSLY RADIATES DADDY ENERGY YALL ARE FUCKING INSANE!!!#WHY DO WE GET KITTEN SASUKE IN EVERY OTHER SHIP BUT THE FUCKING CANON ONE!! AT MY FUCKING!!!! LIMIT!!!#FIND SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS THE COMPLEXITYS OF SASUKES CHARACTER AND UNDERSTANDS WHAT TRAUMA DOES TO A PERSON YET DOESNT HATE SSK CHALLENG #Uh oh I went a bit mad there hahaha #I REGRET NOTHING SASUKE DID NOTHING WRONG SAKURA IS GIRL BOSS AND THE NARUTO WORLD IS EITHER UNEXPLAINABLY VIOLENT OR FAR TOO FORGIVING #naruto #naruto shippuden #itachi uchiha #pro sasuke #haruno sakura #Pro Sakura #Sasuke Uchiha #sasuke did nothing wrong #It looks awkward to just go from all those long tags to the iddy bitty ones #Moldy-flowers #Kitten and daddy? Tf am i on about I've been watching too much game grumps shi 😭😭

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actual-changeling · 2 years ago

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probably projecting but idc but imagine ellie having a little crisis once they're in jackson and thinking that eventually joel will leave her cause she becomes too much of a burden/too annoying/too whatever and starts pushing his boundaries.

being more rude, being mean, behaving badly, trying everything to push him away cause she would rather figure it out now and have it be her doing instead of joel suddenly leaving her when she isn't prepared for it.

joel is incredibly confused by wtf ellie is doing cause to him it's all out of nowhere but he just assumes she's struggling and does not budge no matter what, he stays calm, lets her do whatever she wants, gives her what she asks for, even fights tommy and maria when they're like "parent ur child" and he just goes "shut tf up she is going through a thing and you will let her"

and eventually ellie reaches her breaking point and just yells at him before she starts sobbing "why dont you leave me already why are you still here i dont understand" and joel holds her face and goes "i wont ever leave you cause you're mine" (theyre too emotionally repressed to reach the ur my kid/dad stage just yet so he does the same thing he did with tess)

anyway they hug a lot and they talk it out in their own way and are happy nothing bad ever happens to the tlou 2 doesnt exist the end

#alex yells at the void #the last of us #tlou #ellie and joel #joel and ellie #ellie williams #joel miller #listen if this doesnt make sense its after 10pm i had like five hours of sleep last night and am mentally ill so #thats that #anyway BPD ellie lives rent free in my mind and i love her little disordered self #pats ellie this girl can fit so much mental illness #considering making this its own fic or putting it in my current wip that im writing a chapter for rn #not about this but like maybe ill put it in at some point

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deeism · 6 months ago

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i have this really old macdennis in my drafts based off s14e4 in which mac drugs dennis and gets him really ill and then has to nurse him back to health manipulative hurt/comfort style and the likelihood of me finishing it is so astronomically low that i just feel like have to post about it here

#it's just sitting there half finished #much like most of my sunny fics #i really love the atmosphere of it though so idk maybe ill return to it @ some point #its old enough that my writing style has def changed since i last worked on it #but maybe theres hope. maybe #idk how i wrote so much fic last summer i guess i just didnt have shit to do #cant say the same about this summer unfortunately #my gap year is over </3 #anyway #will i finish it? prolly not but its fun to think about #iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #macdennis #macden #cw drugging #?#no clue how to tag that

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realbeefman · 1 year ago

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i'm a cis woman, but in the past few years i've developed a habit of headcanoning any male character i relate to as a trans women, beginning a fic trying to explore that, and then miserably falling short as i can never figure out how to end the story. i've recently joined a new fandom and started my most recent attempt at writing this ever-elusive character interpretation i've been trying to explain for years. and it occurs to me that maybe the reason i keep trying to interpret these characters i relate to as women and failing to, is because i'm trying to project the wrong experience. because i think that conclusion i can never fully bring myself to write isn't one about coming to terms with womanhood and embracing that identity, but about coming to terms with being a man.

so tldr im a trans man and this is a coming out post.

#shaking a little bit writing this but like. i dont know.#ive felt. alone a lot and ive been very scared of actually doing anything to make myself happy for a lot of my life #and ive felt a lot of shame about particularly. i dont know.#i feel a lot of shame in general #but about my gender. about feeling like i cant transition because i dont want to do it the way you see in media #and that its cool for other people to be gnc and trans and present however they want but #that itd be wrong for me. that id be faking #and i dont know i think im tired of running from it #im acting like this is some terrible truth. like this is an unspeakable evil i would inflict on the world by doing something that could mak #me happy. make me feel comfortable #i dont want that shame anymore #i never deserved it #anyways. i like the name angus. please call me angus from now on although autumn is actually still fine i do fw that name. always have #but i need to say this and put it out into the world and not take it back #this is my experience. this is my starting point. and fanfic and writing have been a big part of that #anyways. shoutout to #james wilson #most recent blorbo ive tried to trans the gender of. i think ill be able to finish this fic though lol.#trans #coming out #fandom #fanfic #personal #queer #lgbtqia

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nibeul · 2 years ago

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“And now you on your own.” The feeling of weightlessness, sinking into Miles' bones. Water flows through the gaps of his fingers and against his legs as he propels himself forward, nothing but sea foam against bare skin and waves bringing him up and down in steady motion. Up and down, up and down with the flow of the ocean. The next wave comes; he rises with it. Or, Uncle Aaron takes Miles to the beach on Monday.

wrote a little something about Miles and Aaron.

#this is coming after my rewatch of moonlight. btw #just thinking about aaron teaching miles how to swim #I'll probably write something about Aaron and Jeff at some point idk ill see ig. I haven't written fic stuff in a while #across the spiderverse #atsv #miles morales #aaron davis #writing

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katyobsesses · 2 months ago

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Uhg I need Bridgerton friends to bounce ideas off for my Modern AU 😭

Like? Agatha Danbury?? Would she and Violet's dad actually gotten together in a world where divorce isn't as frowned upon? Or would it have still been just an affair?

In other words do I make Agatha Danbury basically the Bridgerton's grandmother???

#?????????????#i am so tempted you have no idea #but that makes it so i cant really do Marcus/Violet #becuse that would be so so so so so so weird #violet getting with her step-uncle #but i feel like grandmother Agatha would actually work with a lot of plot points i already have for this fic #and i guess i havent actually done any planning for a Violet/Marcus pairing #oh. fuck. but what about Hyacinth?#doesnt she get with some Danbury relative????#i havent got to her book yet #uhhhggggg #maybe ill just keep the idea on the backburner for now and write it as her just being violets friend to be safe #but grandmother agatha is weirdly fitty and kinda funny to me #katy writes #bridgerton #mbau

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landfilloftrash · 1 year ago

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so I finished reading Turnabout Enemies and just about screamed throughout the entire thing— from delight and in baffled confusion in true ace attorney case fashion— so have this from one of the final scenes of the fic (chapter 21 to be specific!) because I am INCREDIBLY predictable

#my art #fanart for a fic #Ace Attorney #Manfred von Karma #Miles Edgeworth #Gregory Edgeworth #I read this fic and went "well nothing I could write at this point in time can compare to this goddamn masterpiece this fuckin rocks !''#so I decided to do some fanart for it instead < 3 #and of course. its what im most mentally ill about regarding those lawyers #and that’s baby Miles and Manfred having a dELIGHTFUL developing father-son relationship.#and Gregory is both alive and became his friend-rival. That is MY CUP OF T E AAAAAAA #hell yeah brother #rea’s trash

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subway-boss-jericho · 2 months ago

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I don't think I'll ever be a proper Content Creator because of the way my brain works, but my biggest goal is to somehow make a story that makes someone so mentally ill about a thing that they can't think straight. As I do. Every couple weeks or so. Someday it will happen and I will do skitter around dancing and cheering wildly on the subway platform in my brain

#some day my aus will escape my brain cavity and I hope desperately when they do that they make someone out there as horridly ill as i am #Ramble #Thinking about... Maybe trying to start a new fic at some point. It feels intimidating to say when I'm struggling with steady tracks #but oh my god. i need these ideas to exist in a form that isnt only in my brain. i *cannot* have a four hour conversation with every person #that exists in the submas au fandom. that's literally not possible to do or achieve. but damn it would make things so much easier for me #As always I am bouncing between One Move and Coupled (Uncoupled)#Which are HUGE long-term titans in my brain fic-wise. I think Coulpled (Uncoupled) is the closest to being real just because it was made #specifically TO EXIST in fic form. One move Also was- but it also primarily exists as an animatic in my head. the plot structure is vague #Spirit keeper would be GREAT; but that one exists in my head as a comic + series of animations so it's harder to translate into another for #Same with Mecha AU. That one almost exclusively exists as animations in my head and don't know if I could write it correctly. It's supposed #to be a pokemon movie. i dunno what to tell you. I need that shit to be a feature length film to do it justice #I have so many more aus that are dear to my heart. fuck man why does my brain have to have so much love and storytelling in it.#tag ramble #AUs #Submas

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pyrosomatic-metamorphosis · 1 year ago

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More dark 4halo thoughts because i am insane ^_^

I think Foolish would enable their relationship being TERRIBLE. Like, he WOULD encourage Bad to actually marry Forever and say that maybe it'll fix him. Maybe if Bad marries Forever, Forever will snap out of it! And Foolish thinks he's doing well, giving Bad hope and making him less depressed. Bad DOES have hope, he thinks that maybe Foolish is right so he accepts Forever's proposal. But Foolish was never right. Forever is just as bad, if not worse. He never acknowledges anything wrong obviously, he randomly snaps at Bad and starts calling him a terrible husband for constantly playing that ticking noise near him and Bad just keeps holding onto Foolish's words. Everything will fix itself. All Bad needs to do is stay and love Forever. Foolish, of course, never expected Bad to actually do it and now he's watching everything and he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know what to say and he doesn't know how to fix it.

oh you're SO right that foolish would encourage it !! foolish has already encouraged it . #2 4halo truther for real (cellbit is #1 <3) the thought of bad having hope tho... AUGH my heart. idk what could cause him to have that hope that being a good husband would fix everything but the thought of him seeing a solution and chasing after it so doggedly and never ever being able to reach it... UAHG. forever delusional with drugs and bad delusional with hope. maybe he thinks that he can sweet talk forever into bringing the eggs back. maybe this is just a heartbreaking extension of his bargaining stage. maybe he looks at foolish one day and he bares his teeth and he knows the federation is the enemy but he wouldn't have gone through with this if it weren't for foolish and- it's comforting to blame foolish for things. its normal. he cannot think straight and he is full of grief and foolish is right there, so he asks forever to destroy the dragon. (and thus starts a bonus bbh corruption arc where bad starts to trick himself into thinking that forever is Right and siding himself against the other islanders. the blame starts with foolish, and then expands from there)

#Anonymous #dark 4halo #qsmp #at some point ill write a fic that plays more into proper bbh characterization of how he'd deal with all of this but im having fun so :D #i only really worry about characterization when im doing analysis and this whole dark 4halo trend is Not That (except for. the one that Was #anyway ik you were leaning into foolish feeling guilty for what he started but im a multishipping bastard and the thought of 4halo married #but bad and foolish have a gayass genuine RIVALRY without their mutual understanding of what they are #just absolute malice #the thought is giving me Great Joy #shape answers

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youngpettyqueen · 1 year ago

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Trick AND treat! 😁 You can do two separate ones or combine them. And let Hawkeye take care of and fuss over Charles.

I tried so hard to come up with something for trick but my brain is not braining today. to make up for it, I added 250 words to a very fluffy, very silly idea because this hit me IMMEDIATELY upon getting this ask and it took everything in me to not write this while I was at work. maybe at some point I can come back with an idea for trick?? but I didnt want this to sit in my inbox forgotten so I hope you can forgive me only doing treat, at least for now

The first snow of the year comes, perhaps luckily, when they have children visiting.

Charles woke that morning to the delighted shrieks and giggles of children, unmistakable in pitch and volume. The sound was so sweet he couldn’t be irritated at being woken up early, not that he’d ever admit that. He made sure to grouse thoroughly about the hour to his tentmates, knowing they’d rib him to lighten up before moving on, but would never let him live a moment of softness down.

He’s taking a moment, now, to watch. It’s after breakfast, he has a shift to get to, but he knows that post-OP is quiet and can afford for him to be a couple minutes late. The children are running around, bundled in their mismatched winter jackets and too-big boots, donated surplus hats rolled up extra to stay out of their eyes. Some of them are sporting distinctly fashionable scarves, while others form snowballs in distinctly homemade mittens. They make angels in the snow, they make snowballs and throw them at each other, a few of the older ones are demonstrating how to make snowmen.

They play. They laugh. They smile with missing teeth and genuine joy in their eyes. For a moment, just a moment, they’re children the way children should be. Charles is happy to sacrifice a quiet morning if it means-

A snowball hits the back of his head with a freezing, wet splat.

Charles goes entirely rigid, snow sliding down the back of his coat and melting in his hair. A roar of laughter goes up from behind him, and he immediately knows just who that laugh belongs to. He whips around to fix Hawkeye with a glare, only to falter as his eyes skip right over where Hawkeye is doubled over wheezing and land on the young boy falling backwards into the snow, laughing and pointing.

And, well. Who can blame him, if his irritation is snuffed out faster than a candle? Who could possibly be angry at the sight of a child laughing so hard he can’t stay on his feet?

Hawkeye straightens up, hands over his stomach, still laughing that goose honk laugh of his. And maybe, just maybe, somewhere deep down Charles can’t stay annoyed when he sees Hawkeye laughing right from his belly. Because that’s a rare sight these days, and maybe it makes the snow soaking into his shirt a bit less cold.

Of course, he can’t admit to that. Ever. So, he finishes his turn, schools his expression to raise a judgmental brow. “Ah, Pierce,” He greets, “I see you’ve found yourself a playmate. If only they’d take you with them when they leave. You’d blend right in.” He barbs, all huff and no bite.

Hawkeye snickers, wiping at his eyes, “Sorry, Charles, but I couldn’t resist,” He offers as a weak apology as he hunkers down to help the boy back up to his feet, “Somebody’s gotta teach the kids the sacred way of the snowball fight, and somebody’s gotta be the target! Thank you for your service.” He grins, straightening himself back up.

The boy points at him again. “Gotcha good!” He declares, with a big smile that barely has front teeth.

Charles nods good-naturedly. “That you did, my fine young fellow,” He tells the boy. Looking back at Hawkeye, he suggests, “Perhaps your teachings might benefit from a second demonstration? Say, some return fire?” He stoops down to scoop up some snow in both hands, clapping it all together and starting to form a compact ball.

Hawkeye laughs incredulously at the sight. “Oh, he has some fight in him!” He crows, “What, did you have snowball fighting lessons? A private tutor in snowball form?” He jeers.

Charles keeps his face carefully neutral as he forms the snowball in his hands. “Your confidence will be your doom,” He warns, straightening himself up, “Any last words?”

Hawkeye settle into a smug grin, raising a challenging brow at him. “Bring it.” He dares.

Charles allows himself a smile. He supposes it is fair for Hawkeye to assume he’s never so much as made a snowball, never mind participated in a snowball fight. It would be an activity most would likely assume he views as beneath him.

They would be forgetting, however, that Charles is an older brother. And wealth and status mattered not, in matters where Honoria Winchester and her insatiable need to peg him in the head with a snowball were concerned.

Hawkeye doesn’t see the snowball coming until it hits him square between the eyes and takes him off his feet.

#mash #fic bitching #shorts #charles winchester #hawkeye pierce #otp: and their sons #this came to me so easily and I was gonna do a connected one for trick #but ive been trying to do that for. 2 hours. and nothing is clicking #so I hope its ok that I added some more onto this one instead!#it was a lot of fun to write #love me some silly Charles #but maybe at some point ill come back and add a little epilogue of sorts with that trick prompt #who knows with my muse. certainly not me #thanks for the request!#I hope even if not everything you asked for its still good #sorry about my fickle muse im usually all over the hurt/comfort but its just not clicking rn :/

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thecherrygod · 2 years ago

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currently thinking about lighthouse keeper hdb and ship captain kim kitsuragi................

like.. look. hes in the lighthouse. alone. only company his skills and some alcohol to also keep himself warm in the winter. most interactions he has are the people that he gets stuff for his own survival. dora's been out of the picture for a looooooong time now, he wasnt around often, the pay isnt relayable, and every time she met him he was worse, so she left. all he has is himself, and the lighthouse.

there are times in which the light will reflect on the fog in the ocean, and he will see her in there, as if she was a guardian angel with long blonde hair who would take any ship coming nearby into her hands as toy boats, and she could decide if theyd make it to safety, or if shed just drown it on a whim. all he can do is manifest her with the lights, but her actions are her own.

and then theres kim, the diligent captain of a ship that has all the love in his heart, something he can use to move through fog and pale alike without losing himself to his surroundings, always ready to make sure him and as many as his men survive what the sea has to offer them, but he knows its dangerous, all of them do, everyone is ready to lose their lives if it comes to it. storms and tides and an inavility to see through the weather, they are all ready to manouver the ship or die trying.

thankfully at the worst times, theres always a helping hand, a guiding light helping him move in the right direction, making sure hes able to keep them as safe as possible even through the worst storms and the densest of fogs hes ever seen.

#my posts #and for organization so i can find this in my blog one way or the other:#disco elysium #hdb #kim kitsuragi #harrykim #the.. harrykim is mostly implied. i. dont know how id make them meet #also... hi i love including his fucked up relationship with dora in everything i can like i find it so interesting so its always there #ah and this au while it could work the other way around... look at me. harry being the one guiding and saving kim. is just..#very important to me....#maybe once they meet depending on how it could be a mutual thing but #yeah idk #i think that if i knew how to make the specific details for my ideas i wouldnt just post them like this id be writing fics lmao #tho idk the only fic i wrote was like.... this year its gonna be ten years since i havent tried to write sdiugdhsgu #ah whatever im calling this guiding lights. idk. hopefully ill remember and find it if i want to lmao #guiding lights au #but... yeah.......#also silly detail this is bc a few days ago i was drawing kim as a captain and harry as a sailor but. more like a costume with a skirt #bc well. i have that and i think hed look good on it. i havent finished it yet but ill get back on it at some point #and well its been on my mind but also i saw something about a lighthouse and automatically i thought #'.... oh no. harry du bois as a lighthouse keeper.....' and i wrote this just now and im not gonna check if it makes sense lmao #im just going with the vibes i may think about it later again and properly get an idea but like.. yeah i wrote this in 30 min #the details are for another time if they have to happen dughsgdsgh anyways!!!!!!!

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