#ill try harder on that next time jesus

[madelynpryor]

its always the little things that make you want to slap people

[ellieslittleslutt]

Brewed ❀

MEN AND MINORS DNI!!

pairings: barista!ellie x journalist!reader

the barista you visit every morning finally makes her move.

cw: none really reader is called pretty girl once and smoking? also swearing

a/n: AHHH I LOVE THIS. definitely writing a part two

wc- 1k

not proof read pt2!!

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“have a nice day” she smiled at you. the kind of smile that just makes you melt. you smile back at her trying to ignore how your cheeks heat up “you too” you said turning around each step you melt further into the floor.

it was always her. that one independent cafe that charges $8 for a coffee, you thought it was worth it just to see her smile and say that line she was scripted into saying. every morning on your way to work you would stop by to order the same thing each morning, a hot latte to go with a small sandwich. on your days off you’d take the time to sit down and get some work done with your order.

this morning was no different. while you walked to work sipping on your coffee and taking a bite of your sandwich you noticed the cup had a message on it ‘you’re beautiful enjoy your coffee!!’. you couldn’t help but take a photo of it sending it to your friend lidia.

lils- get her number!

you- idek know her name how tf am i supposed to do that?

lils- she wears a name tag no? just go off that

you- pretty sure it’s fake

lils- how do you know?

you- just doesn’t fit her… whatever i’ll talk more when i get to work

when you got to work you sat down at your desk looking at the stories you have to research made but your boss. “seriously?” you mumbled to yourself as you looked at the long list when suddenly lidia pokes her head in “so cute barista?” she teased sitting next to you.

you sigh “yeah anyway think her name tag is fake it just doesn’t match her” you tell her sipping your coffee while starting your typing “well what does she look like?” she asks leaning against your desk. you think back to each time you saw her and every little detail of her “shoulder length auburn hair, always has it in a half up bun but sometimes a low bun which makes her look so pretty, pale green eyes and freckles”. lidia just chuckles “jesus you’re down bad huh?”

“shut up” you mumble your cheeks red as you hit the side of her arm and she laughs putting her hands up “what stating the facts we get paid for it” she smiles at you and back at the note on you’re cup “so think she likes you?”

“i don’t know maybe she just said that for tips? i used to do that” you shrug and you continue working on your computer “well you could just ask for her numberrr” she says again raising an eyebrow at you, rolling your eyes you go back to typing “like i said im not doing that… ill get her name first or whatever”

⋆｡˚𖦹

thay weekend you went on with your routine, heading to the cafe with your laptop and note pad to try and get some articles done so your boss gets off your ass. you sat down with your usual smiling at the barista when she walked by you.

you smile back at her then look at your coffee seeing another message written in it ‘you look like and angel’. your heart almost explode and you swear you almost passed out. you look back at her and she was leaning against the counter watching you with that smirk. god she was so hot. she gave you a wink before standing up going back to work.

⋆���˚𖦹

over the course of the next two weeks ellie would leave little messages on your coffee cup or the paper bag of your sandwich. each time you took a picture getting all giggly and happy. you found yourself looking forward to it each morning.

one weekend you got up getting ready in your go to cold weather outfit. you had gotten your bag and keys going to the cafe with a smile. when you got there you saw ellie taking an order from some guy. you sat down opening your laptop and hopped to get a few articles written. with all the holidays this time around your boss had you working harder with more stories to write.

you stayed a few hours the barista serving you and you got your little message. this time while she was taking all the dishes she left a napkin with a proud smile. ‘my shift ends in a few minutes meet me outside ;)’ classic.

you quickly got all your things putting the napkin in your bag. you went outside to the front to see her sitting at a table on her phone smoking a cigarette. she looked up at you and smiled sitting up “hey” she said with a smile. her voice oh my lord you were dying.

“hi” you said nervously and sat down. you honestly had no clue what to do. your flirting game was abysmal. she offered you a cigarette and you took it taking a puff off it.

you both got to talking for a bit. she told you her name was ellie. it suit her really well. with her style and her eyes everything suit her. she told you that the cafe was only a small part time kid she took every morning and she really worked at the clinic in the afternoons. that explained why she was never there for lunch.

you told her you were a journalist and she tilted her head “no way who’s your boss?” she asked with a chuckle “maria miller you know her?” “yeah she’s my aunt” you chuckled looking at her “small world huh?” “more like town everyone knows each other here” she shrugged.”

when it got to around 1 pm ellie looked back at you “ah shit gotta head to the clinic.” she mumbled grabbing her bag “yeah it’s getting cold staying out here” you replied standing up too.

“i’ll give you my number pretty girl?” she asked with a smirk holding her phone. pretty girl? it niagara falls down there. you flushed bright red and smiled handing her your phone and she put in her number “well i would love to do this again? how about i take you out on a proper date? dinner maybe? can you do tomorrow 7pm?” all you could do was giggle and nod “yeah yeah i can make that” you reply still nervous.

“i’ll see you around” ellie says putting a hand on your arm before walking away.

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taglist: @autisticintr0vert @eveshyper @soodle-noup @puppywilliams

[goodlucksnez]

cw: Swearing (a lot-its baku yall), mentions of toxic past, door slamming, holdback, Ice freezing sound effects, todo/baku implied, b/aku trying to be nice, and apologizing (character growth okay), K/ink Baku implied

The past week it has been over 100 degrees and i wanted to bring that to a wav so who better then T/odo and B/aku-Enjoy!!

Next wav: Ha//zbin

Transcript

Jesus. fucking God. mother fucking piece of shit *slams door*

Good afternoon Bakugou

 Oi shut up. I'm in no fucking mood.

 Is everything alright?

 No fucking Strawberry Shortcake. It's not fucking all right. It's 100° outside and I have to fucking go on patrol while you lounge around

Are you upset at me?

Wow. Whatever made you think that? I am covered in sweat. You're lucky and no one decided to Light a match near me or ill blow up half the damn city. Oh my God. Fuck summer. Fuck this. This is a bunch of fucking

Is your…..Emotions tied to the weather outside.

Don't even fucking start with me. Half and half. I'm in no fucking mood. It's hot as satan left testicle out there. OK, now fuck of while I take a fucking shower.

Only his left.

*slams door*

 Ohh yeah. Wow, he was really mad.Well,I can help with that at least. I can cool it down in here. I guess I never really noticed it. It's slightly warm. Well. Hopefully this will make a difference to him.

Why the fuck do I walk outside? It's hundred and fucking.*slips on ice* What the hell is this icy hot? Why the fuck is the living room a god damn ice rink?

So you're upset when you're both too hot and too cold.

You not mad that it's fucking a ice rink. I'm mad because this is my god damn living room and you're fucking it up. Melt this crap.

I apologize I.*sneeze* Thought you wanted it to be colder?

I want it to not be 101 fucking degrees outside doesn't mean it needs to be negative fucking 50, fucking idiot. I swear. You don't have a fucking brain in there

I apologize bakugou.

 Ohh, don't fucking Bakugou me.

 It is your name, is it not?

 Oh, my God. You fucking piss me off so much. You fucking know that.

I apologize.

Was that the people of the fucking world didn't fuck up the air this much? I wouldn’t be so mad, OK?

Would you like a frozen dairy product?

Are you fucking asking me if I want ice cream?

Yes.

Get the god damn cookies and cream and don't say shit

*eating ice cream*

 Don't fucking look at me like that.

I apologize

don't get me started.

 I'm confused. Is the ice cream not helping you cool down?

Really pushing your luck there.

I don't understand.

This is hard enough, OK.

Oh, would you like me to melt it for you

 not the fucking ice cream!! this, feeling. I feel bad about how I acted.

OK.

Fuck I'm sorry, OK? I was just hot and annoyed at that. I'm sorry, I shouldn't-Have yelled at you. OK. Ohh you don't need.

Don't finish that fucking sentence. I was in the wrong you're in the right. Happy now.

Not really. You still look.*sneeze* what?

What the hell did you just do?

I'm…sitting here looking at you.

No, the fucking convulsion. What the fuck was that?

 I sneezed.

You what?

Uhm, I sneezed.

Since when do you fucking sneeze?

I am a human. I have bodily functions just like the rest of us.

You sure? Because half the time you act like a damn robot.

I*sneeze* I assure you I am quite human. Pardon.

What the hell is wrong with you? I've known you for five fucking years. I don't think I've ever seen you fucking sneeze.

You most likely have. You just probably didn't notice you kind of Live in your own

 don't change the fucking subject on me. Let me rephrase. The god damm question. Why are you fucking sneezing?

 Oh, what it may have to do with the ice show earlier.

What?

 My internal body temperature is regulated by both the ice and the fire that I control within myself within my center. When one Is more prominent than the other. It can cause side effects. More likely than not, when I overheat. I have a hard time cooling myself down. When I am freezing, it's harder to warm myself up. Causes painful memories. Over the years, I've gotten better at controlling my regulations.

 That's not how this works.

You make sweat that can explode. I don't think this needs to be scientifically proven.

 So what your ices makes you fucking sneeze. Then what was with the fucking Ice show just trying to show off.

 I was trying to make you cool. *sneeze* Pardon me. Evidently I seem *snneze*.

 You fucking short circuit, if that's what the fuck you did.

I prefer the term got out of balance, but I guess you could Compare it to a AI misfiring. I mean, if you think about it,

don't. Go all fucking nerd on me. What? What do I fucking do? Do I stick you outside?

 I'm not a rabid animal bakugou. It's fine, it's just. Just some sneezing.

You'll probably be over that fucking faster if you actually let your body do it.

 Excuse me.

 You're holding them in. Your body is trying to obviously, fucking expel something. Let it do its job. Why are you shortening its lifespan?

Did you just refer to A bodily function as having a lifespan. Now he's being weird.

Oh, everyone thinks you're so gid damn analytical. No one realized. How fucking savage you can be.

You got that hitching shit like deku. Do I have to flick your nose too.

If I didn't know better, I would say you're enjoying this

shut up. I'm not enjoying this. It's just rare, OK.

You fucking stifle again. I will fucking. Come over there.

Pardon me.

Bless.

What was that

Fuck off

[crippleprophet]

hi i was wondering if you or any of your followers had tips for dealing with chronic muscle pain (specifically hip and knee).

nothing i’ve tried has seemed to help (pt, otc pain meds, ice, heat, rest, acupuncture, cbd lotion, epson salt baths, stretching). and i’ve peen told that the only pain meds that would help would be narcotics (which i can’t take due to family).

also everybody has seemed to circle back to “it’s because of your mental health that everything is shit”. and doctors refuse to do any tests past moving my legs around and poking at them.

so i will try almost anything. thank you

i’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, i have chronic muscle pain & i know it can easily be so debilitating. regardless of whether there’s a relationship with stress or whatever, your physical symptoms should still be fucking treated! the abject cruelty of not managing your pain aside, it’s almost like it’s harder to handle mental experiences when you’re in pain all the time… you don’t deserve this bullshit & i’m really sorry 🖤

i am suspicious of your being told that only narcotics would help tbh — i don’t doubt that many folks need narcotics to effectively treat their pain, & opioids have definitely been the most effective treatment for me when i have access to them (although more for nerve stuff than muscle) but there are definitely medications you haven’t been offered yet that might be helpful.

idk if you suspect that your muscle pain may be related to chronic illness but my muscle pain (including what was dismissed as untreatable fibromyalgia symptoms) improved dramatically when i got on an immunosuppressant (hydroxychloroquine in my case). if you haven’t gotten a basic rheumatology blood panel done by your GP it could be worth a shot as my elevated inflammatory markers led to that prescription even though i’m definitely underdiagnosed.

i’m also like, really pissed nobody’s given you a muscle relaxer jesus christ. i’m on 4mg tizanidine from my PCP & it’s been immensely helpful for my muscle pain, i choose to take it probably once a week because it’s more effective at knocking me out all night that way lol but i also use it as a rescue medication when i’m having severe cramps. really helpful to just get a fucking break & some decent sleep every so often. in that thread i’m planning to ask about starting prazosin at my next appointment, it’s prescribed for nightmares (which i def have lol) but can prompt a certain level of muscle relaxation which is part of how it helps with sleep

idk if this is an option for you due to family etc but delta8 (weed equivalent that’s technically legal in the US) has been vital for managing my own pain. expensive as shit but so it goes.

idk if you already use a mobility aid or if that’s an option for you but it could be worth looking into! redirecting some of the force applied to your muscles might make things like walking easier or could help with balance if you experience sudden weakness / cramps.

super depends on your situation but it could be worth paying attention to your feet as well, getting plantar fasciitis house shoes vastly improved my knee-hip-back pain, knees in particular. mine was more joint related than muscular but from studying biomechanics it’s all interrelated & from my perspective anything that helps may make it a bit easier to keep going until you find a better long-term solution. so even if it doesn’t seem related to your pain if there’s anything that might make your life easier right now i encourage you to consider it!

other folks feel free to respond with things that have been effective for you! i really hope you find some solutions that make things more bearable for you 💓💓

[scarabsinthestardust]

Better in the Morning // Ch. 15

MASTERLIST

A note from the author: Thank you so much for being patient with me while we recovered from Hurricane Milton (a stupid name for a hurricane, really). But we are back in the saddle!

I apologize greatly for the awful way I ended the last chapter, but I plan to have the next one out a little quicker to make up for it. Thank you again to everyone who's been reading!

word count: 4800+

CHAPTER WARNINGS: angst; language; drinking; hospitals; medical procedures; mentions of surgery; pain meds; injuries, broken bones; talk of car accidents; more angst; mentions of Jake's bout of pneumonia; probably more angst; let me know if I missed anything! (additional disclaimer: I am not a medical professional and have no formal medical training. I do not claim to have any knowledge of how any of this actually works.)

The ride to the hospital was silent and tense. Neither of us bothered to start any music. Jake was gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were white, eyes glued to the road ahead of him. I tasted blood from chewing on my bottom lip.

Josh was the first of Sams emergency contacts, so he received the initial call before calling his twin. At the time, he didn’t have a lot of information. When we made it to the emergency department, we spotted Josh talking to a cop. He looked ill.

They told us Sam had been hit by a drunk driver while travelling down a dark back road. His car flipped and he was unconscious when they pulled him out. He was alive but had to be taken back for surgery immediately. The twins were frustrated about the lack of answers, but the police officer couldn’t answer any medical questions. We’d have to wait for the doctor for that.

I didn’t realize right away that Finn was there, sitting nearby but giving Josh space to try and figure things out. I walked over to join him, and he smiled sadly. We didn’t speak, he just squeezed my hand, and I sat with him.

“Danny’s phone’s going straight to voicemail,” explained Jake when he joined us.

“Was he with Sam?! Did he-“

“No, cops told Josh he was alone. No Rose, either.”

I was grateful they weren’t both hurt, and that presumably Sam’s dog wasn’t in the car, but it still felt wrong feeling that way at all. So far, no one could tell us anything about Sam’s condition. And the thought that Danny didn’t even know yet made my heart hurt more.

“Jake, give me your keys. I’ll go see if Danny’s home.” He only hesitated for a second before handing them over. “I’ll be quick. Call me if you get any updates.”

“Please be careful.”

“I will, I promise.” Finn offered to tag along but I declined. “No, stay with them. Josh might need you here. I won’t be gone long.”

The ride to Danny’s house took about fifteen minutes. His car was in the driveway and there was a light on inside. I rushed to the door and knocked but received no answer. I knocked harder and louder, calling his name. “Danny! Open the door!” What the hell is going on?

After another minute he finally answered, swinging the door open. “What?!”

I was taken aback by his anger; I don’t think I’d ever seen him pissed off. I took in his disheveled appearance, flushed cheeks, and glazed over eyes. I could smell a hint of alcohol on his breath. “Are you drunk?”

“What’s it matter?”

I sighed and shook my head. “Jesus Christ. I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but you need to pull it together. Get your shoes on. We need to get back to the hospital.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Sam. He was in a car accident. Josh and Jake tried to call you.”

I watched his face fall, and he paled, stuttering his next words. “Wha… is he… is he… okay?”

“I don’t know anything yet. They were still waiting for the doctor when I came to find you.” He tensed his jaw, clearly trying to hold himself together, before silently grabbing some things and following me out the door.

He didn’t speak until we were pulling into the parking garage. “I fucked up.��

“What happened?”

“We got into a fight. I shouldn’t have let him leave like that. It’s my fault. What if the last thing I said to him-“

“Hey, no. Don’t do that to yourself. You can’t think like that. You’re going to dig yourself into a hole that you won’t be able to get out of. And I think right now, we all need to be strong for Sam, okay? ‘Cause when we see him, he’s gonna need you.” It was hopeful thinking; I understood that I had no idea what kind of condition he was in. Danny didn’t argue but fell quiet and focused on his hands in his lap. I could only hope and pray that Sam was okay.

Jake, Josh, and Finn were right where I left them. Jake shook his head to indicate there were no updates. I sighed and sat next to him, Danny joining me. No one spoke, no one questioned Danny about his whereabouts. They were just glad he was there. After another hour with still no news, not for lack of trying via the twins taking turns demanding answers from the front desk, Josh said quietly, “We need to call mom.”

Jake let out a heavy sigh and scrubbed a hand over his face. “Do you want me to?”

“No, I’ll do it. Will you, uh, see if there’s any flights?”

The implication was clear without an explanation – fly their parents out in case they had to say goodbye.

Josh stepped outside to make the call while Jake started checking for available flights from Michigan to Nashville. I lightly rubbed my hand against his arm, a simple reminder I was still here with him, then turned to check on Danny. He hadn’t said a word since we sat down. He kept his head lowered and was steadily picking at his cuticles.

“Danny?” I whispered.

He lifted his head and offered me a weak smile. He looked like he would start crying any second. “I’m trying. This is… the not knowing is the hardest part.”

“I know.” I took his hand, mostly to comfort him, partially to keep him from tearing up his fingers.

“I, uh, my phone’s dead. I’m gonna go find somewhere to plug it in.”

I nodded and let him go hunt down an empty plug outlet, watching as he found one behind a planter across the room. Josh came back some time later, face stained with fresh tears. “They’re packing now.”

“I got tickets and sent them the flight details,” responded Jake.

At some point, I got tired of sitting and opted for pacing. I didn’t notice that I was subconsciously brushing my fingers along my lower stomach, but when I looked up, Josh was staring at me. I removed my hand and continued pacing, now ignoring his gaze. Jake must have noticed, too, because he stood and pulled me to the side.

“You should go home and get some rest.”

“What? Absolutely not.”

“Kya, listen. I know you don’t want to leave, but it’s not just you I’m worried about anymore, remember? You need sleep, and real food. And a hospital ER waiting room probably isn’t the cleanest place. I don’t want you getting sick on top of everything else.”

I sighed. He was right. This much stress this early on was surely terrible for the baby. The least I could do was try to get some sleep and eat something that wasn’t from a vending machine. “You promise you’ll call me as soon as you hear something?”

“I promise.”

I glanced over at Danny, who was now sitting with his head bowed, face buried in his hands. “Will you keep an eye on him, too? They got into an argument and Danny for some reason has it in his head that this is his fault.” I hadn’t planned on telling him what Danny confided in me, but I was worried about leaving him here to spiral alone.

Jake nodded in agreement, and I trapped him in a tight hug. Before leaving, I checked on Danny one more time; he was in much the same state. Josh was quiet and very much zoned out. He barely acknowledged me when I touched him, just blinked at me and looked back to the ground. I could have sworn I saw his eyes linger on my stomach for a second, but maybe I was imagining things.

“Could you drop me off at Josh’s place on your way home?” Finn asked. “My car’s there. I’m going to come back; I just want to grab some stuff for work that I can get done while I’m here.”

“Yeah, of course,” I said before offering Jake another sad smile and taking his advice.

As we walked up to Jake’s car, Finn remarked, “I’m surprised he talked you into leaving.”

I waited until we were in the car to answer him. “He made a lot of valid points.” I sighed, realizing the time to tell him probably wouldn’t be good for a while. “I’m pregnant.”

“Oh, shit.”

“We were gonna tell everyone tomorrow at dinner, but…”

“Yeah,” he whispered. There was no need to finish my sentence. He grabbed my hand but didn’t say anything else. I understood. It felt wrong to be sharing any congratulatory or happy sentiments right now.

Before I dropped him off, I made him promise as well to make sure someone called me if there were any updates on Sam.

I didn’t realize how tired I actually was until I got home. Jake was right. I desperately needed sleep. I wasn’t particularly hungry, probably due to the tight ball of anxiety knotted up in my gut, but I forced myself to eat something small before crawling into bed. I turned my ringer up and set an alarm so I could check in with Jake in a few hours. The bed felt empty without him, but it didn’t take long before exhaustion won out and I drifted off to sleep.

I was out for about four hours when I was woken up by my phone ringing. I scrambled to answer it without looking at the caller ID. Jake’s voice from the other end sounded raw; he’d been crying. “He’s out of surgery. His leg’s fucked up, he has a really bad head injury and…” he choked back what I guessed was a sob. “They don’t know when… if he’s gonna wake up.”

Obviously, that wasn’t the greatest news, but at least he was alive. I fought back my own tears and told Jake I would head back to the hospital. He said his parents were still a few hours out, between normal airport bullshit and flight delays, and that the hospital staff hadn’t let anyone go back to see Sam. They were told they could as soon as he was set up in a regular room. I was right to assume that none of them had eaten much of anything, so I grabbed something from whatever fast-food joint was open to bring to the guys.

When I arrived at the hospital, Josh was heated, tearing into who I figured out was the doctor. The only answer they had gotten was along the lines of, “It’s up to him now,” and “We won’t know anything until he wakes up.” Josh stood, accusing them of not doing enough, while Jake was attempting to calm him down. He didn’t seem to be listening. The doctor was calm; I’m sure he got yelled at quite frequently in situations like this.

I put the food down and moved myself in between them. Grabbing Josh’s face in my hands, I forced him to look at me. “Josh, honey, listen to me. I know you’re scared. You’re upset and you have every right to be, but you also know just as well as I do that they’re doing everything they can.” I caught Finn’s eye from behind Josh as he chewed on his fingernail. He never handled confrontation well. Josh’s eyes were filled with tears and impossibly red from crying. In any other situation, Jake would have been the one to get through to his brother, but he was just as lost. It was taking everything in him to hold it together as well as he was, which wasn’t much in retrospect. “I know this is hard,” I said to Josh. “And nobody is expecting you to have all the answers. But taking it out on them isn’t gonna magically give you any. There’s only so much they can do.”

“This waiting game we’re playing is so fucking frustrating. We know he’s alive but that’s all we have.”

“So, hold onto what you have. Hold onto that and hold onto the people that are struggling with you.” I shared a meaningful look with Jake, but I didn’t see Danny.

Josh swallowed whatever argument he was about to spit out next and took a step back. He muttered a quiet apology to the doctor, who just nodded in understanding. I gave the guy brownie points for handling Josh’s outburst as calmly as he did. Josh sat back down, defeated, and leaned his head on Finn’s shoulder.

Jake hugged me and planted a kiss on my head, thanking me for both getting through to his twin and bringing food. I could have asked how he was holding up, but it seemed like a dumb question with an obvious answer. When I asked about Danny, he sighed and nodded towards the hallway that led to the bathrooms.

“I think he’s doing worse than we are. He’s losing it, but he won’t talk to us. I don’t know what to do, Kya.”

I figured it wouldn’t hurt anything to try, so I ventured down the empty hallway to find him. He was sitting on the ground against the wall. I almost didn’t see him there, mostly concealed by the vending machine. He had his head down and was staring, unblinking, at his phone.

“Danny?” I whispered. When he didn’t answer me, I moved to sit next to him on the floor. There wasn’t a lot of space, so I was smushed against him, but the physical contact let him know I was there. “I brought food. Think you can try to eat something?”

His eyes didn’t leave his phone; I glanced at it to see he had the voicemail window open, and sitting right at the top was one from Sam. I read it as Danny’s way of trying to hold onto a piece of his best friend (his lover, although he never outright stated that to me; it was their best kept secret).

I barely heard him when he muttered under his breath, “I don’t understand.”

I assumed he was referring to the situation as a whole, and I lightly rubbed his arm in an attempt to offer the slightest bit of comfort. “Me neither.”

“I don’t understand why he would do that.”

“Do what?” I asked, starting to feel a little confused. “The cop said they don’t think he was at fault-“

“Why would he call me first?”

I stared at him, brow furrowed as I tried to comprehend what he was talking about. My eyes drifted back to his phone and the voicemail display. The time of Sam’s voicemail was 10:02 PM.

“Danny…?”

“He called me. After the crash. He was still awake, and he called me. After everything I said to him…” He let out a harsh cry and squeezed his eyes shut. “He called me to tell me he loved me. Why the fuck would he do that? Why wouldn’t he call his mom or his brothers? Why…” He trailed off in a bout of jarring sobs.

I wrapped an arm around him and held him to me while I thought about my answer. “Maybe… because he figured they already know that. I don’t know what you argued about, but maybe he chose to call you to make sure you know that he still loves you.”

He didn’t respond, only leaned into me as his body wracked with more uncontrollable cries.

Ever since Jake got the call, I’d been forcing myself to stay positive, to tell myself that everything would turn out okay. It had to. I repeated it to myself countless times that Sam just needed time, and he would wake up and come back to us when he was ready. I’d been focusing so much on being the strong one and being the mountain in their nightmarish storm, something for Jake, Josh, and Danny to hold onto, that I couldn’t register how much I was hurting, too. If Sam called Danny after the crash, I could only assume that he thought he was going to die. And I was scared that maybe he was right. Was this the price we had to pay in some fucked up balance of the universe way, for us to bring life into the world, we had to lose someone first?

I was so lost in my own head that I didn’t hear Jake come around the corner. He squatted down in front of Danny and placed his hands on Danny’s knees. “Do you want to come with us to see him?”

Danny’s head shot up and he looked at me frantically, as if I had the answers to his questions. “C’mon,” I whispered. “He’d want you there with him.”

Jake insisted on helping me up off the floor and his eyes searched mine, showing signs of worry. I squeezed his hand. I’m okay. As okay as I could be.

After we got our visitor tags, we were allowed onto the ICU floor. There should have been a limit to how many people could go back at one time, but Josh was adamant that every single one of us was family, and none of the staff was willing to invoke his anger again.

I trailed in behind the twins. Finn kept his distance; I could tell he didn’t feel comfortable being there. He hated hospitals, and I suppose on some level he probably felt like he didn’t belong there, but he was doing it for Josh, so he took a breath and followed him into the room.

I heard Danny let out a choked noise when he reached the doorway. He wasn’t ready to see Sam like that. I stayed with him, a hand on his back, until he gathered the courage to step in.

Sam was hooked up to a ventilator, his chest slowly rising and falling with the machine’s assistance. There were tubes and wires attached to him, monitoring his vital signs. His left leg was wrapped up in a cast and elevated, and his left hand was wrapped as well. He had countless lacerations on the skin that was visible. His face was still swollen, black and purple bruising around his eyes and cheeks making him almost unrecognizable. The sight made me feel sick to my stomach; I can only imagine what the guys were feeling.

Finn took a seat in the corner of the room. Jake and Josh planted themselves by the bed, Josh quietly talking to his baby brother. It started out as words of comfort, just telling him we were all here and that everything would be okay, but slowly turned into tearful pleas, begging him to come back. Danny held himself back for only a moment, before Jake motioned him over. He made space for Danny, who grabbed hold of Sam’s uninjured hand.

Some time passed with no one really speaking, except when they would talk to Sam. Jake, in an attempt to cope by resorting to a little humor, said, “C’mon, princess, who else is Josh gonna force to carry all his bags around when we’re on the road? And do you know how hard it is to find a good bass player these days?” His words pulled some tiny laughs out of Josh and Danny, but then he said, “Rosie misses you, Sammy,” which only made me cry harder.

A nurse came in a few times to check his vitals. His heart rate was a little low but not terrible. The ventilator was keeping his respirations at a stable level for now, but no one knew if they would stay that way when it was removed.

I wasn’t emotionally prepared for when their parents and sister arrived. The looks on Karen and Kelly’s faces when they saw Sam broke my heart. Ronnie latched onto Jake but acted like she was afraid to get too close to Sam, like she was scared she might break him. The room was feeling too crowded, and I needed some air. I bowed out without saying anything, finding an empty spot in the hallway to gather myself.

Finn apparently had the same idea and followed my lead. “I feel like I’m intruding on some family function.”

I laughed humorlessly. “I’m literally growing a tiny Kiszka inside of me and I still feel like an intruder sometimes.”

After a beat he said, “I just don’t know what to do. Nothing I say or do is going to change anything. Maybe I should just let him be with his family right now.”

“I could be wrong, but I think you just being here for him is helping. I know you don’t really like being here in this place, but I’m sure Josh appreciates the support.”

“I’m not good at this, Ky. This entire situation is horrible, and I feel useless.”

“I think we all feel useless right now,” I sighed. “And guilty.” I whispered the last part to myself, not meaning for him to hear it, but he did.

“Why would you feel guilty? You’re not the one who got behind the wheel of a car drunk.” He spat the words, but not directly at me. That was a tiny piece of his own guilt seeping through. “And don’t give me any of that ‘balance of the universe’ bullshit because I know that’s what you’re thinking. You’re allowed to be happy. You deserve it.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I just gave him a small half-smile and leaned into him as he draped an arm around my shoulder. I always could count on Finn to keep me from drowning.

~

They told us he was stable, albeit miraculously. We watched with bated breaths while they removed the ventilator tube and held onto the relief we felt when he was breathing on his own. They were concerned about his brain function and motor skills but wouldn’t know where he stood until he woke up. No one could say with any surety when that would be.

Over the course of the next few days, the inescapable exhaustion forced everyone to admit that they needed a break. Finn had to return to work, but other than Jake making me go home to sleep and us taking turns leaving to take care of Rose, no one wanted to leave Sam’s side. Danny was the hardest to convince.

“He’d want you to take care of yourself,” I softly reminded him.

Jake chimed in next. “You know how much shit he’ll give you when he finds out you haven’t been?”

“Go home,” I said. “Take a hot shower. Get some rest. I promise we’ll call you if anything changes.”

He nodded solemnly, not having the energy to argue, and placed a gentle kiss on Sam’s hand. Jake, also in desperate need of a shower and sleep, volunteered to drive Danny home. I opted to stay this time.

At some point that evening, when I got a moment alone with him, I checked in with Josh. To ask him how he was doing seemed stupid, so I just asked if he needed anything and offered an ear if he needed to talk. At first, he stayed silent, not that I was surprised; he hadn’t said much of anything since we’d been here. When he did speak, his voice was scratchy, and he sounded congested. I hoped it was just from the stress, crying, and lack of sleep, and that he wasn’t getting sick on top of everything else.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“You don’t have to-“

“I need to do something! I’m the oldest. I’m supposed to protect them. I’m supposed to keep them safe and I can’t even do that. It isn’t supposed to be like this. He isn’t supposed to be here, lying in a hospital bed fighting for his life. I should have done better for my brother.”

“This isn’t your fault, Josh. You couldn’t have known…” The guilt he was feeling was something I understood well. I’d been there, with Luca. No amount of reassurance from me would stop Josh from feeling responsible for something he had no control over. He would need to work that out on his own, and with Sam.

“Did Jake tell you about when he had pneumonia?”

I nodded. I had heard the story, at least Jake’s side of it. He said he’d come so close to dying, and that it was a battle just for his lungs to keep working. You could see some remnants of it still, when he would get too winded and would wheeze, and he couldn’t smoke without falling into an uncontrollable coughing fit.

“I stayed with him the whole time. I thought he was gonna die. I don’t think I would have survived, then. I felt the other half of myself being torn away, and I was ready to go with him. I prayed to everything I could think of. I would have sold my soul to the devil if it meant Jake would be okay. And I’d do the same for Sam.”

“I know you would,” I said softly. “And so does he. You’re a good brother.”

He sniffled and leaned over, his head resting on my shoulder. “Thanks,” he muttered. “You’re a good sister.”

I couldn’t help but smile at his words. I thought back to the beginning of my relationship with Jake, and how distrustful Josh was. We’d come quite a long way. Even though he could be a major pain in my ass, I was grateful to have him in my life.

“So,” he started. “You’re gonna have a baby.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” I figured Jake would let the news slip to him eventually.

“Have you told Jake yet?”

“Huh?” I turned and gave him a confused look. “I assumed he was the one who told you.”

“No one told me. I just knew.” I raised my eyebrows at stared at him skeptically, which he must have found funny. He let out a small laugh; it was the first time I’d seen him smile since we got here. “I don’t know how to explain it. I just had a feeling, like I could sense Jake, or a tiny piece of him anyways.”

I don’t know how much I believed it, but I had seen some pretty compelling evidence of the almost psychic connection the twins shared. So, I just shrugged it off and leaned back. “Your mom and Finn already know, but… don’t say anything to anyone else. It’s not… it’s not the right time.”

“My lips are sealed.”

~

After six more days of hellish uncertainty, Sam finally woke up. Danny was at his side, just as he had been for almost the entire time. We heard him gasp and call Sam’s name, who was blinking his eyes groggily. Karen was at his other side, talking with her voice low, urging him to stay calm as he came to. Her instincts were spot on, of course. His heart rate rose, and his breathing quickened as he started trying to register what was going on. Kelly ventured out to find a nurse or doctor while Karen shushed her youngest son.

“It’s okay, baby. You’re in the hospital. You’re okay.”

“Hurts,” he whispered painfully. I imagine his throat was fucked after being unconscious for so long and having a plastic tube shoved in it. Danny was crying again, almost like it hurt him more seeing Sam suffer than when he was still asleep, and everything was so unsure. But he was awake, and that was a step in the right direction.

His eyes darted frantically around the room. It was clear that he was terrified, and who could blame him? Right now, there was no way to tell what he remembered, if anything.

A nurse came in first and checked all his vitals, which were all good except for his heart rate being high. We were told that was normal considering he was still in a significant amount of pain. A doctor showed up next, performing a handful of tests. They asked him the typical questions – do you know where you are, what year is it, who’s the president? They shined a little flashlight in his eyes and then checked his hands and feet, squeezing to see if he could feel it and asking him to make small movements with his limbs. He seemed to be responding as normally as could be expected. Only after the doctor finished up was he given another dose of pain medication through his IV. It was obvious to me that he was very quickly getting overwhelmed by all the attention, between the medical staff and his family, but the medication had him drifting back into sleep before too long. He was expected to spend a lot of time asleep, and it would help his body work on the healing process. He had a long way to go but it felt as though we’d reached the light at the end of the tunnel, and things could only get better from here.

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@hollyco @fleetingjake @musicislove3389

[gwydionmisha]

Personal: This Person Just Uncleaned My Apartment

I think I need to tell you about the Cleaner, because OMG, but for that you will need context on my pain/meds situation.

So less pain does not remotely equal no pain.  My hip joints were a mess Wednesday, and only a little better Thursday.  My shoulder joints, and thus my arms, started to go bad Thursday.  The fundamental things wrong with my body aren't fixable, but the new meds are doing a stellar job on what I think of as the secondary pain, IE: everything else not joint or tendon or in their immediate vicinity.  It is far more effective than the muscle relaxants I've been using for decades at this since it's hitting the nerves and not just the muscles.  It also adds to the tired.  So much to the tired.  Bonus: on the new dose, I get dizzy if I don't rest enough, and the heart palpitations hit longer and harder when they hit.

Dramatically better means for an extreme chronic pain/chronic illness perspective, not from a remotely healthy person's perspective, if you follow.  I was into about a month of unbearable torment when we tried the one pill dosage.  I'm still not sure my system can handle the two pills, and I plan to stick to this dose.  They are supposed to last eight hours, but I get an extra four hours of partial coverage per pill, and like I said the side effects are scaling up on me.

So right now my balance sucks, I'm exhausted, and my shoulder joints scream at me if I try to do anything remotely strenuous with them, you follow?

So far I've had four different cleaners turn up, two of them twice.  Three of those are hard and thorough workers.  One of those will not wear her mask.  I put up with it because I am wearing mine and turn on all the fans and I'm scared if I don't take her, no one will come.  (see five skipped cleaning appointments in a row).

Cleaning is a hard fucking job and they are underpaid, get no benefits, no set hours, and have to pay their own travel costs including for the ferry if they are coming from the reservation and that is a lot of gas.  I respect cleaners.  I've done it, after all, amoung the many shit jobs I had over the years.  I trust them to know what they are doing.  This has been the case in three instances.  Most of the conversation with those three cleaners has been things like: Where does this go?  Where is (whatever) kept?  What should i do next?  I refuse to micro manage.  In my experience, micro managing is dramatically less efficient and just insults the person doing the job.  I know I hated it, when I was the person being micro-managed.  This works great for Goth Millennial and for the other three cleaners on the other four occasions.

I'm sure you are sensing the big but here.

So the cleaner who came today, turned up the other time she was here high as a kite.  I don't mean a little buzzed, which is fairly normal in this town and this state.  Weed's been legal here for ages.  People with shitty service jobs occasionally come to work a schootch high.  It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things if, say, your barista's a little buzzed.  I don't partake myself for a host of reasons, but most of my friends since... I'm going to say 1985, have/do.  A little high is no big deal.

Orbiting Pluto without a suit is.  She was way out of it girl at a party who's friends have to watch her like a hawk high.  She was barely coherent high.  She drove here.  O.o.  She drove home.  This terrifies me.  after some consultation with my friends including them seeing the mess she made and me acting out vignettes, our best guess is she must have dramatically misjudged an edible.  (It had to be vape or edible.  I would have smelled smoke.  Edible makes the most sense for both the degree of Jesus fuck high and the thinking she was fine when she left home, but waaaay not fine when she got here.  Surely she would have cancelled otherwise, right?).

So basically instead of my working away at the aggregate or tumblr queue programming or whatever, it was a lot like baby sitting a toddler who would not shut up, only the toddler would make more sense and the mess would have likely been confined to things in a toddler's reach.  I had to go around after she left and actually use the forbidden to me for safety reasons ladder to save a bunch of my cups and glasses from the accident I could see happening the second Squirrel opened a dish cupboard because he had jammed them in their so precariously that the door was the only thing preventing them falling.  Goth Millennial came the next day and had to take everything out and restack it.  I could live with the fitted sheet being inside out, so we left that for today.

I did not turn her in to the asshole agency because 1. worker solidarity.  I never went to work on a substance, but I've worked so, so many shit jobs and the Asshole Agency is terrible.  2. I was pretty sure it was a mistake involving an edible. 3. I was big on giving people another chance when I was teaching.  On fuck up shouldn't lat for ever unless that fuck up was malicious or really damaging to other people.

Well, fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice shame on me.

No, she was not noticeably high this time, though I couldn't rule a mild buzz out.  She also had a shamefaced and subdued demeanor that clearly told me she knew how badly she'd fucked up last time.  She said she'd signed up for me on purpose instead of her other option because I was really nice to her and my apartment was full of interesting things to look at while she cleaned.  My apartment is full of interesting things to look at and I suspect she liked me because I was consistently kind to her when she was a mess last time and hadn’t turned her in.   She really is sweet and nice and she is clearly trying her best but not remotely the sharpest tool in the shed.  Which can be fine.  I've known a lot of good workers over the years with significant developmental or accident related challenges and they did fine.  She wasn't in that category, but I realized she'd need extra supervision compared to the others.  I underestimated how much.

She did walk right up to Tavy and start petting him right away like last time which again confused and alarmed him.  Sure, Squirrel and I and a couple of the Millennials can do that because we are his particular friends, but he barely knows her and and she would NOT stop doing that last time no matter how many times I told her he was a biter and apt to maul when he was worked up.  I was so proud of him because he did not attack her the first three times, and honestly the forth time, I would have bitten her too in his place.  

Tavy was noticeably wary of her.  He did want to watch what she was doing, but he remembered her.  (By contrast, the other cleaners he'd watch from a distance for a while, and then follow around and in a couple cases, get me to pick him up so he could get a better look.  He really took to the GNC person who came once, and kept sniffing their legs).  He did let her pet him without biting her, and she was together enough to stop when I told her he was down, and leave him alone for the rest of the two hours when I said he was in a mood to hang out and watch but not interact.

I got her through the linen change okay and last time she was so high she forgot we had a dishwasher after she'd emptied it and it took her most of her shift except the linen change, but the dishes looked and smelled clean, so I set her to that and did not remotely supervise her enough.  This I did not discover until evening, but we'll get to that.

Then I set her to sweep and mop, which... Like I've worked a lot of restaurant jobs, often with people in a supported worker with severe intellectual challenges.  I've never seen one who'd been doing it for years who couldn't do it correctly.  She said she'd been doing this for several years.

Assuming makes an ass out of me, doesn't it?

Oh gods the mess she made!  I should have known it was too hard for her when she started prepping for mopping before sweeping.  So I told her to sweep first, which she did.  I told her to dump the water in the sink, not the tub, which turned out to be very, very lucky.  (The tub is the most expensive thing I own.  A city program that remodels for elderly and disabled people paid for it.  I will never be able to afford to fix or replace it.  There are super strict cleaning directions for a reason, because the mechanism is delicate.)  I told her to use the liquid all purpose cleaner under the sink.  I should have got it out and prepped the bucket myself, but bending hurts and I was exhausted and dizzy and my arm situation was deteriorating.  I should have done it anyway, because this is So.  Much.  Worse.

She used a ton of water.  Like way, way to much water in a way that suggested she did not wring the mop and/or she was dumping puddles out of the bucket.  It was a terrifying fall risk situation because this was the end of her shift and I really really needed to get ready for bed as soon as she left and forage delivery was late so I had to go drag it in, just as I'd given up and settled into bed.  So I'm dizzy with unreliable legs, using both hands and going careful back and forth over this swamp of a floor with a weird gritty, soapy texture.  Which is... not what you want in a cleaner for elderly and disabled people.  I could fall and end up in the hospital under those conditions.  And it;'s not like I could want a couple hours for it to dry.  There was no point in washing my feet in the bathroom, so I kept using wipes on them before getting into bed.

Then I woke up to pee and realized just how bad it really was.  *head desk*  My best guess is she used Ajax, which is stored under a bookshelf in the bathroom, not under the sink.  Like a TON of Ajax.  The kitchen sink and nearby counter was caked with it and the floor was tacky and gritty and full of muddy footprints.  I couldn't leave it like that.  I cleaned the sink.  I took the other mop with the disability friendly easy to wring it out attachment which had been to complicated for her head and wet mopped it all again, frequently rinsing and wringing it out, until my arms basically gave out and I had to wash up and take a nap.

It's still incredibly dirty.  I feel like crying, because I can't feel clean unless my feet are.  I've been skating around on damp towels, but though my hip joints are a lot better this evening, I wear out fast and it hurts quite a bit if I do it too much.  I hate leaving a terrible mess like this for the millennial, but I simply can't mop any more with these arms.  I'd have been so much better off giving her something else to do, but I couldn't think of anything else simple enough for her, and I know from last time she will not leave early no matter how much I tell her she can just clock out at the end of the hour.

At this point I was debating what to do.  I had settled on calling Monday and asking them to put her on my no list without giving a reason, because I simply can't go through this again.  It's too hard on my body and it's incredibly could seriously injure me dangerous.

Then I went to feed the Empress Livia and discovered something worse.

I'm medically fragile.  Amoung so many other things, I have an immune system that is far more interested in own goals than fighting pathogens.  I can and will catch anything you expose me too.  Anything.  I also have a dicey digestive system.  Anything I use to prepare food or eat or drink needs to be really fucking clean. We prewash for grease and stuck on food then run them through the washer to make sure the soap and anything else is off.  yes, I know this is bad for the environment as it uses extra water, but it’s a serious safety issue for me.

I was very, very clear on directions because I remembered last time.  “Wash the dishes and then put the in the dishwasher.  The dishes in there are dirty, so don’t put them away.  I will run the washer after you leave.”  Did she do that?  No.  Were the dishes cleaned and dried, which would be reasonably acceptable as an alternative?  No.  They were jammed in with the clean dishes, soaking wet and covered in soap bubbles six or seven hours after she left.  We'll have to go through all the pans tomorrow.  I pulled the pans and dishes I remembered were in the sink yesterday.  I have no way of guessing with the glasses and flatware and I don't know which things Squirrel put in there.  

I am exhausted and I hurt and I've been pushed way past the limit of what my body can handle in a day and I can't trust my dishes or the glass I'm drinking out of and I can't get the dirty Ajax grit off my feet.  I'm going to go take a bath, but my feet will be dirty again the second I touch the floor.

She's another poor person.  I feel like a class traitor just putting her on my no list, but she could theoretically kill an elderly person with her mopping, and I can't decide if I should say something, because anything I do will be a terrible option.

This person literally uncleaned my apartment.  I just....

Look, I know it’s a free service, but this is so very much worse than when they don’t send anyone.

[thisisthebratpack]

1969 - Rooftop Concert (Fanfic)

“I don’t understand” I said softly, not once looking up from my tea. “I don’t either, that’s the point.” He stirred his coffee gently, trying hard not to make any noise. “These last three weeks have been insane Lorelai; I just can’t live like this.” “That’s not fair.” I mumbled. “What’s not fair? That I never know how you’re going to act when you come home? That you change your mood and your mind every twenty minutes? Is it fair that some days you’ll come home and be all over me, and other days you won’t let me touch you at all, and there’s absolutely no warning at all?”

 I knew this was coming. It had been coming for a while. What I didn’t realize was today would be the day. I was buzzing, really excited, when James called me at the office and asked if I’d like to meet him at a little café on Savile Row for our lunch hour, but as soon as I saw his face when I walked in, the pit of my stomach dropped, and my throat turned to cold stone. It was his eyes that gave it away.

 “It’s not fair James. I can’t control it. I don’t even know what’s going on half the time. It’s exhausting! I’m not in control of this!” “How long have you been seeing that therapist for?” “Does it matter?” I finally look up from my cup, a single tear rolling down my flustered cheek. “Yes, it does. You really should have a hold of it by now.” His eyes met mine. They flamed with frustration. “Have you deliberately stopped taking the medication or something?” “You know I haven’t.” I crossed my arms, the anger in my chest rising and bubbling in my throat. “You know I take the damn things every day even though they make me ill.” “Don’t make a scene.” He sighed, leaning back in his chair and crossing his legs. “Make a scene? Jesus, James. Did you really think you could drop this bombshell on me in a public place and expect me not to react?” “Any other person would be able to hold themselves together.” I sat back in my chair and wiped my cheek, biting my lip so hard I started to taste that familiar metallic tang. “Where am I supposed to go?” “I don’t know Lore. Go back to your parents. They’ll take you back in.” “Oh great, so you’ve really thought this through. What about work? How am I supposed to work in the middle of London and live with my parents in Aberdeen?” “Well maybe you’ll have to find your own place then?” “With what money? James, the last paycheck I got, I spent mostly on fixing up our kitchen!” “My kitchen.” “Sorry?” “Well, it’s my kitchen, isn’t it? It’s my apartment.” He shrugged.

 My arms fell limply by my side, I just stared at him. There were so many things I wanted to say. I wanted to scream at him, to explain that he didn’t understand how hard things were for me. He could never understand what its like to not be in control of yourself, to be so aware of your every move, every breath, wondering if you’re talking and acting normally, if you’re thinking is logical and reasonable, never being sure. Not knowing the difference between happy and manic. Not being able to tell if the sadness you’re feeling is proportionate to the situation. People constantly telling you ‘You’re overreacting’ but not being able to moderate your own behavior. The years and years of therapy, the medications, the hospital visits. The literal blood, sweat and tears. I also wanted to beg. To promise that I would change and that I would try harder. Anything to stay with him. Anything to not be alone.

 “James, please.” My voice was smaller than I remember it ever being. “Please don’t give up on me.” He closed his eyes and his eyebrows furrowed. “Please, James. You know I’m trying to be better.” I placed my hand out open on the tabletop. “I’m trying, please don’t give up on me now.” After a silent eternity, he dug his hand into his pocket, pulled out a £5 note and put it on the table next to my open hand. “I’m staying at a friends place for the next few days. That should give you enough time to pack up some boxes. Don’t call me.”

 I watched, wide eyed and breathless as he stood up, put his coat on and walked out into the busy street. I was to in shock to cry, to confused to breathe, all I could do was sit and stare at the lunchtime crowd outside the café door. Eventually I stood up, still numb and in a daze. I wiped my eyes, pulled down my skirt and put on my coat. It was only when I opened the door and the cold January air hit my face that I took a breath. People swarmed around me, as I spun around trying to find James in the crowd. I was a rock in the stream, being pushed and knocked by the flood of people around me. I quickly forced myself against the wall and stood there, trying to fade into the stonework.

 Suddenly from above, a distant guitar chord rang out, followed by another. It seemed to get louder and louder and sounded somewhat familiar. I looked around, trying to see where the noise was coming from. An upbeat song started playing on the distant breeze. Other people on the street were also looking around confused, trying to locate the source of the noise. A businessman with glasses and a briefcase on the other side of the road shaded his eyes as he looked up towards the rooftops, the smiled and nudged his friend next to him. They both squinted up at the roof of the building and started smiling and tapping their feet. A group of three fashionably dressed girls also stopped and looked up, then dissolved into frantic whispers and gasps. “Could it be?” “Surely not.” “It sounds like them though, doesn’t it?” “Yes, I suppose so, it could be. I thought they broke up though! That’s what it said in the magazines.”

 I crossed the street and stood next to the slowly but steadily forming cluster of people, all looking and pointing at the skyline with a mixture of joy and confusion. “Do you think maybe it’s a new album?” “Maybe! How groovy would that be! A brand-new Beatles album!” My eyes widened and I stood on my toes, desperately wishing I was taller, or that I had access to a rooftop. I’d been a fan of The Beatles ever since my mother bought me the ‘With The Beatles’ album for Christmas in 1964 when I was 17. Actually, to call myself a fan would be a lie; to call me a Beatlemanic was probably more accurate. I had spent my late teenage years and my early adulthood listening to them, buying all the albums, plastering my walls with posters and memorabilia; much to my father’s disgust. Their music had been the soundtrack to my early adult life. James and I had danced to ‘Rock And Roll Music’ at one of the first dance halls that we went to together, I had cried to ‘Yesterday’ when my beloved terrier passed away, I had begged my parents for money to go and see the ‘Help’ movie when it finally came out in theatres in my hometown, ‘Norwegian Wood’ was playing softly in the background when James and I had our first drink after moving in together, my best friend Lillian and I drunkenly sung along with Ringo to ‘Yellow Submarine’ in the back of my father’s car on the way home from a party; The Beatles and their music was interwoven with some of the most important events of my life. They seemed to be able to express the emotions that I couldn’t, say the words that I couldn’t bring myself to say, they were a joy and a comfort in good times and bad.

 Only when the music stopped did I realize I was smiling. For the length of one song, I had forgotten that my life felt like it was falling apart. For the briefest of moments, I was snapped back in a wave of happy nostalgia, and everything seemed okay. The crowd was spilling out onto the road now causing motorists to sound their horns in frustration and peer out of their windows trying to see what all the fuss was about. People seemed bewildered, but clapped and smiled, looked up to the rooftop and tapped their feet when the music started up once more. I didn’t know what the future held for me. I didn’t know what I was going to do. My life was up in the air and made no sense. There was only one thing I did know. I knew that whatever happened, I had their music to turn to. This impromptu jam session atop a roof in London didn’t change anything, but it altered everything.

 The police started ushering everyone away and dispersing the crowd. I looked at my watch and realized that my lunch break was all but over, and I’d need to run to get back to my office on time, but the small glowing ball of excitement inside of me didn’t extinguish. I had witnessed history, and I knew that with a little help from my friends, I could make it through.

[bleedingbeneathamantilla]

excerpt from The Libertines (2019)

2012

Marcelle Trahern was raised by two cunts with Munchausen syndrome by proxy, a term derived from the original Munchausen syndrome itself. If one has Munchausen syndrome by proxy, it means a caregiver (in this case, the godmother of Marcelle), chooses to refrain from giving their charges the right health, supplements and nutrients to keep them alive. In fact, they make them worsen with sickness and degradation. Subtly, so the good doctor won’t notice they’re causing the illness for their charges. The first bitch had decided to poison her subtly instead. Marcelle’s godmother favored ipecac. In their small village, church was a mandatory service where all girls had to see the Lord Jesus Christ be praised or crucified on film. A montage of filmy sunlight and a golden cross shone from an array of manipulative Christian imagery, perceived on an overhead projector.

Marcelle went every Wednesday and Sunday in a grey stone building with elaborate brick arcs painted black outlining the stained glass windows. The broadcast room was like an insidious revelation opening up a nightmare to the eyes of sensitive Marcelle, without the abrasive steel to pry a pair of eyes open. Especially when the topic was eternal damnation or the crucifixion of Jesus. It was like a metaphorical film lobotomy. They just stayed peeled open, unable to shut or fall asleep for any reason. Nanny Cravat insisted she stay awake. She favored those antiquated neckbands.

The girls sat around her in stiff, ungraceful lines, backs upright or slouching depending on the girls’ preference to posture. Ms. Winifred Scarlet, who had been killing off children in her home for three years, took Marcelle in at eleven years old the year her mother died and Marcelle was never able to know the woman by heart in a way her memory could rely upon. Winifred was a registered foster mother and she was ailing. Marcelle killed her foster mother (and made the police and medical examiner rule the death as a suicide). She sang “Don’t Fear the Reaper” in her choir voice while spoon-feeding Winifred. “A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down,” Marcelle sang. She gagged on the Drano and no longer said the words Marcelle needed to hear: “You should be ashamed of yourself,” “You should be grateful,” “Why didn’t you try harder?” Winifred was involved in a canned-laughter filled television broadcast again for that last comment, a boring, banal comedy Winifred needed to have Marcelle watch with her before bed.

On March 24, a clear, shiny spring morning, Marcelle knew that she had no one to rely upon any better by the time the next foster mother came around to raise her. She was a distant harridan of a woman with a thin, pert mouth shut tight at church and open like a wrathful shrew to chastise Marcelle at home.

“See that window?” said Nanny Cravat, her second godmother: a malevolent, Puritan woman with brown hair in a frizz and vacant eyes.

“You’ll be lucky if God saves you when you fall out of it. It’s all shit. God’s for nothing. But I fear hell just as much as you do. All we can do is try to believe and see if God listens.“

In her dress made for church, the stiff lace a cascade of black and white. A knee-length skirt and pilgrim collar. Church uniform. The telepathy Marcelle heard: “devout truths”, “deep breaths,” “if you need to console yourself, use these coping skills.”

All the things Marcelle picked up on by reading minds that she could never express piled up in her head and she was crazy.

“Marcelle may be crazy,” said a soft-voiced man about to make an assumption based on what he saw in elaborate artwork in a journal: a drawing in Bic pen, of a realistic-looking Nanny Cravat swallowing a spoonful of something, reminding him of milk poisoning and a scary story his mom sometimes read to him at night in his portentous childhood. Marcelle’s self-portrait was accurate. She overheard the bell ringing in the distance beyond her thoughts of his voice by the cathedral  bells that rang with worship, clanging vehemently. When Marcelle got home after spring choir ended, she planned the Drano death. It was under the kitchen sink, meant to mingle with Nanny Cravat’s cup of milk.

“Nanny, I  hope you enjoy your milk,”

“Come, have a sit-down,” said Nanny to Marcelle. She set the glass of milk  in front of Nanny Cravat, who was wearing her red velvet blouse and white cravat.

“Put that milk on the table carefully. Don’t spill it.”

Time to die, Marcelle wished. Down the throat went that blue liquid permeating Nanny Cravat’s esophagus as she choked. The only number Marcelle knew to call wasn’t an option, and she had to make her own way in the world feeling like humans weren’t worth anything and we’re all just partially alien. Meretricious, cheap people.

Marcelle wanted to die in outer space. She left the raw death and agony of Nanny Cravat slumped over on the table after she choked. Marcelle became the third eye, the third shrew, the ultimate survivor of destiny and doom.

[thatgirllindsey]

I am going to start writing about my transformation. So much of this blog has been repetition, sadness, and mental slavery. Today, I am set free.

I could not be more EXCITED, happy, peaceful, calm, content, and glad than I am now. It is because although I have had a lot of bad news in my life, today I am receiving good news. That is the gospel of JESUS CHRIST. I can tell you it did not happen overnight. No, I can tell you I was frustrated, felt ignored, sick, overcome by defeat, misguided, and still controlled and misled astray by Satan and his army. Let me tell you, he can be defeated and HE WILL accept his defeat. He knows he is running out of time, and he is down to his last and final tricks. I can tell you the good news is the gospel of Jesus Christ. The bad news is we have to deal with Satan..but don't get discouraged. This is the journey of every Christian. Remember, faith can help you overcome EVERY SINGLE obstacle in your life.

Let me give you some examples.

Divorce, sexual assault, trauma, death, cancer, homelessness, unemployment, and practically any misfortune I can think of.

The most traumatic life experiences ( I could be wrong) from my experience of trauma are 1. Divorce, 2. Not having parents ( in correlation with homelessness, adoption, think of orphaned children, etc.), 3. Sexual assault (Rape, sexual harassment). 4. Cancer. 5. Life-threatening accident.

I put divorce as number one because although I have never been married (as part of my script for MK trauma-related programming, my parents had a bitter divorce when I was 5 years old and could be in the same room together) I believe it is THE most traumatic experience a human can go through. I believe that men/women who are divorced (long-term and short-term) need intensive therapy and empathy, and they should be guided by a law enforcement officer in court and at home as well as monitored for depression. The entire process is a nightmare and leaves a scar that is a lot harder to heal than others. In the bible, marriage is supposed to be sacred. It is a deep soulmate/love connection to your partner. I mean, it is just the person you spend the rest of your life with, share your finances with, have kids with, and sleep next to. It is also a sin to lust for/seduce another person, commit adultery, and not value your marriage. Why are you trying to seduce other men when you are married or see that they are in a commitment? Sex offenders always are hungry to molest, and want more than they can have.

A lot of times, all of these are related somehow. For example, it could be having a long marriage to an abusive spouse that you divorced and have been sexually/physically abused by. It could also be a severe illness causing loss of job, homelessness, and more depression. It is a negative cycle that is VERY hard to break and be positive.

Those are my top 5. I do not think there is anything on this earth more traumatic than these life occurrences. All of these life experiences caused PTSD> a severe and life-threatening condition that is hard to cope with and manage. A lot of times, Satan and his minions can be behind these traumatic, awful, painful experiences. This is the bad news you have in your life. Every single bad thing that has ever happened, divorce, you lost your house, you lost your job, you got diagnosed with cancer, etc. Now let's talk about the good news......

We talked about trauma, depression, sadness, PTSD, and despair. Now let's talk about the good news.

The good news is you don't have to be sad anymore. You don't have to be depressed and feel like a loser. You're NOT a loser. God gives second chances, even third if you're heart is in the right place and you receive the message. Life is hard, and satan controls everything in this world and puts obstacles in our path. Rather, ask for help.

He is there to help you. What a relief. I know I need a lot of help. He is almighty, understanding, caring, and full of knowledge and wisdom.

And the good news is.....

He sent his son JESUS CHRIST to atone for your sins and help you overcome satan.

Just think about the pain and suffering Jesus endured... I know as an MK slave who has experienced complete disassociation, suicide triggers, and unbearable pain I can relate to Jesus. One day, we will live in his paradise where there IS NO suffering or pain. And we got there through JESUS CHRIST. That is the greatest news you ever heard? I know it is. It puts a smile on my face and heals the pain in my heart. Also, Jesus is there to help. These times are the hardest you will ever experience. These trials are incredibly HARD. Remember, you are not alone. Jesus is here to save us from this awful world we live in. From hearing about rape, suicide, murder, and death.

He is the GOOD NEWS. ANYTIME you want to resist a suicide trigger, overcome the pain of disassociation, KNOW WHO YOU ARE ( Satan steals identity), THINK OF JESUS. THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE, FRIENDS. AND YOUR RESOURCES ARE THE BIBLE OR THE BOOK OF MORMON. KNOW YOUR ENEMY, DEVELOP YOUR STRATEGY OF DEFENSE THROUGH THE SCRIPTURE. IT IS YOUR RESOURCE DIRECTLY FROM GOD, THE CREATOR. IT HAS ALL YOUR ANSWERS.

[moomoomooing]

mild rant? mostly thoughts :)

yk ive just not been a fan of how quickly my mood and possible depression is flipping from eberythings fine and im only a little stressed but its ok! to jesus fuck let me rot (projects and deadlines are suddenly piled up and its overwhelming, but i also feel like this when i have nothing i can do)

i try to keep on a shower schedule cause of my class times (i have night classes half of the days so i shower on my off days) but it means i gotta be nasty for a day on sunday till i shower that night. and i never have the willpower to go to the studio feeling nasty,,, even if it wouldve been great to get work done and satiate the restlessness i get from being in my dorm all day

but i didnt and now im plagued with guilt and more stress/ anxiety yippees

on another note my roommate is really REALLY good at finding ALL of my triggers for anxiety or fight or flight responses. so far they nailed using my mirror/being TOO close to my belongings without asking (they eventually asked and i gave permission out of being nice but i severely dislike it and it makes me hyperaware of everything she does when i hear her close to my dresser). they got my i will tense up and not breathe till its over response to alarm sounds (i hate them theyre incredibly anxiety inducing and i always wake up before my alarm usually out of fear. thankfully now my alarms a last resort/reminder of time if i dont wake up early). and!! they let the door slam (boo loud noises), are constantly on a call they often dont wear earbuds for and talk really loudly half the time, or is on call past 12 am (i feel intrusive and also please i cant sleep if youre on call)

theres also other general icks that are hopefully getting better? im noticing less of smth that i hate that they do (its a not cleaning after yourself type deal) but it could just be coincidence

oh also im trying to apply for jobs (remote part-times or internships) and frankly im scared. the reason it took me so long to get a job in highschool was also straight fear and anxiety lmao

i would love money tho (pssst i have commissions open :D)

OW SHARP RINGING NOISE WHERE DID YOU COME FROM????????? ALL OF THE WHITE NOISE DISSAPEARED AND ITS ONLY THAT

anyways i got another strike of hypersensitive skin??? no idea what causes it but it made the underneath of my forearm feel like i scraped it across concrete. 0/10 i didnt have a pleasant showering experience

oh on a better note being so far removed from my family and the fact we basically never call or text has been quite freeing

its like when i was actually at public highschool and had agency over myself in a way i didnt have when my mom was around (basically her presence was usually STRESS)

on a lesser note i havent been talking with my two other friends (ill call em the trio, them plus me) and its been kinda radio silence from everyone? i havent exactly been great either but my infrequent requests for vcs are usually ignored or not responded too which sucks. it makes me more paranoid than id like to be

our time difference definitely makes it way harder too tho, im ahead by a few hours. ik weve gone months without talking before then picked it right back up, but im always scared during the radio silence anyways

im always scared and curious abt other ppls opinions on me, usually the ppl i consider friends. ik one of my friends likes me? but their friends (the 4 of us will be rooming together next year, theyre also technically my friends but my usually point of contact with them is through my friend) i cant tell how much they like me? its probably my unfamiliarity with them but it makes me nervous for no reason

anyways if you actually read all of this, sorry for taking away your time? i reccomend soft gepard x sampo (hsr) fics to soothe the mind, theyre cute.

also hey haha if youre one of the two friends, literally the nickels, are reading this? erase it from your mind please and thanks

[angelfire115]

I GOT TO 7

WOO!!!

Now if you'll excuse me

I'm gonna sit down

I got 4 and almost died

[barnes-n-nobles]

Attention (SMUT)

Request: Smut. Bucky gets jealous of her for getting too close to his friend Steve. So he punishes her 🍆🤤

Sorry for the delay! Here it is and I hope you enjoy! Let me know what y’all think!

You and Bucky had been invited to Tony Starks birthday party tonight. In most cases you would have an outfit ready, but Bucky wanted to dress you today. You thought it was the cutest idea ever and you let him choose for you. He came out of your closet with a beautiful black dress , that had a slit on the side. He got you this as a gift during the first month that you guys started dating. You were saving it for a special occasion so you were a little shocked that he would bring it out for today’s birthday party. Your eyebrows slightly bunched together in confusion as Bucky laid it on your bed.

“Why that dress for today babe? It’s just Tony’s birthday, not the met gala” you chucked. Buckys metal hand traced the side of the dress and smiled at the thought of seeing your body in this sexy dress. “I just want to show off my beautiful girl. Plus, my tux is all black as well. You know how I love matching with you” he smiled as he went to place a soft kiss on your lips.

You nodded in agreement , taking the dress off the bed and walking into the bathroom to change. “I just hope this dress doesn’t get ruined like my last one…” you sighed smiling at the memory that started to form in your mind. “What do you mean, Doll?” Bucky asked curiously.

“One day, Steve and Thor got so drunk at Natashas party that they started having “cake wars” and I made the huge mistake of trying to take the cake away from them and Steve threw a handful of cake at me, while he was trying to get Thor. I was so mad because the dress I got for that day was super nice but I had to get rid of it…it was way too stained” you stated as you slid yourself into your dress.

Bucky rolled his eyes at the sound of Steves name leaving your lips. Him and Steve had some unspoken tension between them that always puzzled you. Little did you know, Steve wanted you for himself but Bucky moved way too fast and was able to cuff you up before Steve even thought about it. Bucky and him were inseparable but once they both realized they were after the same girl, they both got distant. Bucky loved his friend but he always got everything. The fame, love, praise, recognition. He wasn’t going to let him get you though, because you belonged to him. Only him.

“He better not start his shit or I’m going to fuck him up” he spat. “Bucky, you’re not an angel when you get drunk either you get pretty angry AND / OR get into fights with everyone. “ Bucky knew that he had to tame his demons when he was around you just because he didn’t want to scare you off, but it’s been getting harder and harder to control it as men had gotten a bit too brave around you. Bucky wasn’t the type of shy off when something made him mad.

~~~~Later that night~~~~

You and Bucky walked into Tonys home and it never failed to amaze you how beautiful his house was. You hope to one day share a home with Bucky. One where you could one day raise a family of pets and eventually even kids. He noticed you were busy thinking about something so he nudged you to bring you back from your daydreams. “What’s wrong Doll? You seem distracted.” asking with a little scrunch of his eyebrows. “Oh it’s nothing just thinking about this huge-“ You we’re cut off by a familiar voice. “Y/n, Bucky, so glad you guys could make it. You’re only like 1 Hr late but who’s keeping track.” You all chuckled and said happy birthday to Tony. “Come join us, the food just got served”. As you walked into his lavish dining area you said hi to everyone and sat down on the 2 remaining seats. Steve was on your right and Bucky on your left. He soon started to talk to Sam who’s was next to him. “Hey y/n…I haven’t seen you in a while. How’s it going?” Steve asked you giving you a quick hug. You thought that Bucky would have turned around or at least notice but he was too busy joking with Sam.

“Hey Steve it has been a while. Just going through life, you know.” You smiled warmly.

“I feel you. It’s so good to see you. Your little boyfriend likes to keep you all to himself huh?” He asked softly so that only you could hear him. You just smiled and shook your head side to side, not wanting to answer. Steve was always a flirt you thought, but in reality he liked to push your buttons to see your pretty little face flush. After dinner you all moved to Tonys living room, everyone consumed in their own conversations. Bucky was next to you the whole night , making sure you were having a good time as well. “I’m going to go upstairs real quick, Tony is needing a hand with one of his “toys”. I’ll be right back Doll” he said placing a kiss on your cheek. You nodded and decided to pick up your phone to check up on any notifications you had.

Steve gulped down his drink from across the room as he saw Bucky leave your side finally. He started to approach you as soon as he was out of sight. “All alone?” He asked looking down at your small frame. Your eyes snapped up to see Steve standing in front of you. “ For now, Bucky is out doing something “ you said looking in the direction that he walked “May I sit?” He asked with a smirk. You nodded and scooted over. You and Steve started having a nice conversation and got all caught up with eachothers lives. He brought you some drinks to loosen you up and they seemed to be working perfectly as you started to feel a bit more chill and relaxed. Steve laid his arm over the top of the couch and scooted closer to you, making your face turn hot but the closeness. Steve leans over close to your ear and whispered “You look absolutely stunning. Tell Bucky to bring you around me a little more, hun. I’m sure he’s the sharing type.” You knew he was getting a little too comfortable due to the drinks he’s been having but you tried not to make a big deal. “Steve, please.” you warned wanting him to know there was line he was approaching and that he hould not cross. “Please what y/n…. I never see you and I know for a fact it’s because of Bucky. I’m also your friend and I want to be around you and in your life. Don’t you want that?” You turned your face around to get a bit of separation. But then he used his thumb and index finger to turn your face towards him. “Well?”. You didn’t know what to say so you stayed silent just looking down. Steve was irritated and he let go. Standing up looking down at you. “When you make your own decisions, you know where to find me” he said turning around but then suddenly he bumped into a strong chest. Your eyes shot up and you were frozen.

There he was, his chest falling up and down in absolute anger. Looking straight into Steve’s eyes. “Get out of my face Buck.” Steve said in a low tone. Bucky didn’t say a word, his nose flaring and his chest rose and fell slowly with anger. His metal arm rapidly grabbed his throat. “DONT ever touch her again. I’ll fucking kill you” and with that he threw him across the room by his neck, hitting some tables and chairs as he fell to the ground. Everyone snapped their attention over to you guys a few gasps and screams erupting. You quickly stood up and got in front of Bucky, placing your hand on his bicep as if it would calm him down. “Please Bucky, stop...” you said looking over at Steve who was surrounded by people as they tried to help him up. Tony and Sam went over to you guys to make sure that Bucky wouldn’t escalate this any further. “Bucky, you need to control yourself. This isn’t the time nor place. “ Sam said turning to look at Steve who was now up and getting held back and talked to by Thor and Vision. “Jesus Christ Barnes, you could have at least given me some time to pull out my phone to record that.” Tony said making Bucky snap out of his trance and you could see a small smile starting to form. Sam rolled his eyes and shook his head. “But yes..like Sam said. Not the time and definitely not the place. Pepper is going to kill me. “ as he looked at the broken table. “Sorry Tony, we’re just going to head out. I promise we’ll pay for that” you stated pulling Bucky away.

As you guys were heading to the entrance of the house, Bucky quickly pulled you into a near by room and locked the door behind him. You almost got whiplash at how fast he got you in there. “what the fuck were you doing with Steve, why did you let him get that close to you.” His big broad frame towered over you. “I didnt...well.. I dont know he was just sitting there and he got so close, i felt so trapped I didnt know what to do. “ you explained not knowing what to say to not make him more mad. “you know i dont fucking like him, why would you even entertain him? Do I need to brainwash you to never speak to anyone else but me... Hmm?’‘ he said pinning you to a nearby wall and pressing his body up against you. You didnt know if the drinks finally got to you or what, but you were feeling all tingly inside. Absolutely loving Buckys dominance. “or do you just want some attention. Because ill give you all the attention in the world Doll...but you'll only get it from me...no one else.” he whispered into your face.His lips brushing lightly over yours. You let out a little moan, his words going straight into your pussy. “I just need yours. You know that” you purred leaning in for a kiss. Bucky pulled away looking at your beautiful eyes, filling up with want and lust. “ Im going to show you that you only belong to me, and Ill make you crave only me and my attention. now turn over” he said giving you a quick kiss. 

You obediently turned and he started to slide your panties down. Buckys hands started to roam your body, his metal arm stopping at your clit. “I need you to be quiet for me Doll. Can you do that?” he said as his hard cock was grinding on your ass. “Yes, Sargent Barnes” you moaned as his fingers started to play with your clit. “Fuck...sucha good girl”. When he felt that you were wet enough he grabbed your hair and shoved you down onto a nearby dresser, earning a gasp from you. He pulled himself out and pulled up your dress, giving you a nice hard slap on your ass making you whine. “You had your fun with that imbecile “ he said as he aligned his throbbing cock at your entrance. “now its time for me to punish you like a whore for talking to him. “ and with that he rammed inside of you, letting out an animalistic growl at your tightness. Your moans ripped through your throat as he started to pump himself inside of you, with out much gentleness. His metal hand quickly went to your mouth, muffling your beautiful sounds. “Shh babygirl..cant let anybody else hear”. He thrusted into you hard and fast, making you see stars and your mewls restrained by his cold hand. Your wetness soon started to drip down your leg. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, feeling nothing but pure pleasure and bliss. Buckys arm went down to your neck and he pulled you up, making you arch your back. He leaned down looking at your fucked out face while he stuffed you full of his cock over and over again. He started to have a hot sloppy make out session with you, moaning into your mouth and you doing the same. Tongues interwoven into each other.

Bucky grunted your name, standing upright one more time. He grabbed your hips and started to fuck into you harder, his head snapping back as he was so close. “fuck im going to cum inside you Doll…Tell me who you belong to y/n..” he growled. “Y-you Bucky...only you Sergeant Barnes.” you moaned. Thats all it took for him to finally cum. His thrusts got sloppy as he spilled inside you. His cock twitching inside with each pause he took. He smiled as he pulled out, watching his cum spill down your leg. He pulled you up and gave you a passionate kiss. “dont worry Doll. We have much more to do at home. This was just a warm up, I’m going to give you orgasms after orgasms and you’re going to take it and enjoy it”

[zodiakuroo]

Love Thy Brother

Pairing: Dabi x Fem!Reader

Content: 18+ dubcon/noncon, dabi’s canononical dick piercings  manhandling, rough sex, corruption, degradation, humiliation, manipulation, blackmail, spit, stepcest, loss of virginity, dacryphilia, mentioned breeding, blasphemy and sacrilege : 3

Word count: 4.1k

Notes: secured my spot in hell with this one for sure anyways touya-nii go brrrrr

part 2 here!

But he that hates his brother is in darkness, and walks in darkness, and knows not whither he goes, because that darkness hath blinded his eyes. – 1 John 2:11

Gaining 4 new siblings as a young adult is not something anyone expects, you think, but you’re grateful to have been accepted into Enji Todoroki’s family nonetheless.

Fuyumi was the big sister you always wanted, kind and nurturing, always happy to let you borrow her clothes and give you advice. You and Natsuo the closest in age.  He was warm and friendly and while he teased you a lot it was never mean spirited, just the kind that was typical between siblings. Shoto was quiet in nature and though it took him more time than the rest to warm up to you, eventually you two became friends as well.

And there was Touya…..

Well, Dabi as he prefers to be called.

When you first met him, you were terrified, the shock of seeing him made you hide behind your mother instinctively.  The Todoroki clan looked every bit the perfect suburban family except for Dabi. He had his hair dyed jet black, with seemingly more tattoos than clean skin. He had several cartilage piercings in his ears as well as three small studs in his nostril and a barbell through his eyebrow.  He scoffed at your scared reaction, sticking out his tongue to show you the silver ball on its surface and sending a wink your way.

Admittedly, felt guilty for judging Dabi based on his appearance, but you would soon come to find that sometimes it’s better to trust your judgement.

At first, Dabi ignored you, acted as if you didn’t exist. And the times when he was forced to acknowledge your presence in his family he acted as though you were nothing more than a nuisance. You thought that you might have offended him somehow but Fuyumi assured you that Dabi was just like that and that you shouldn’t take it personally. “He just needs to get to know you.” She said.

She was wrong though. Dabi couldn’t stand you.

Everything about you infuriates him. Prancing around in those frumpy sweaters and modest skirts like anyone would bother to lewd you anyways. Lest they attempt, you wear that gold cross necklace everywhere you like a big old “PROPERTY OF JESUS” tag. Your insistence to say a prayer every time the family dog so much as farts. The way his entire family seems to be enamored by your church girl act. Perhaps what he hates most is the way you look at him, poor delinquent Dabi, like you’re so much better than him. Sanctimonious bitch.

Then he noticed how you were with Natsuo. How you would pout and whine when he teased you and sometimes, to everyone’s shock and amusement, banter back and forth with him. Let’s be clear here, he didn’t care about you. He cared about attention. You were giving too much of your attention to his younger brother and that just wouldn’t do.

Pretty soon, Touya was in on the teasing. He started out by making fun of you for being so conservative. Low-hanging fruit. You’ve heard it all before so it didn’t wrench much of a reaction for you but that just made him more determined. Sometimes it got downright mean, earning him a scolding from Fuyumi. Not that he would listen anyways

Then it got physical. It started innocently enough, Dabi would tug on your hair, snatch food out of your hands, kick you underneath the dinner table. Albeit childish, it was incredibly annoying. You would shriek and yell for him to cut it out and after finally getting the desired reaction from you, he became hungry for more.

So he started taking more risks. When you were in the kitchen alone Dabi would brush his hand under your skirt making you squeal. That progressed to him flicking up your skirt to catch a glimpse of your panties which progressed to him spanking you so hard, you’d think of him every time you sat down for the rest of the day.

On the days when he was in a good mood (read: stoned out of his mind), he would pull you into his lap and hold you there, blowing smoke in your face that made you cough so that he could laugh. Sometimes he would let his hands wander, over your chest and between your thighs while you squirm in his hold. He’d say “Anyone ever touch you like this? I hope not, I’m sure it would piss off Jesus”

As if the touching wasn’t invasive enough, Dabi felt he was entitled to your room and personal artifacts. Often you’d come back from campus or church to find the contents of your underwear drawer spilled on the floor. You would notice a pair or two missing when you packed them back.

One time he vandalised your bible with drawings of penises on every single page.

“D’ya like my artwork princess?” he said when you confronted him. In a fit of rage, threw the book at his head. You missed (unfortunately) making him like laugh. “Surely there’s something condemning violence in that book of yours.”

You tried locking him out of your room but all that did was make him angrier. He threated to break your door clean off its hinges if you did it again.

Which brings you to your current predicament.

It had been a long day. You woke up late landing you in trouble with your manager. Your coworker fell ill and you had to cover a double shift, with no shortage of asshole customers on this particular day it seems. On top of all that, you just got stood up for date. You come home to a quiet house and you’re so grateful for this small blessing on a day like this. After a long, scalding hot shower, you lie on your bed wrapped in a fluffy, white towel, contemplating your next move.

You were home alone and with a family this big that hardly ever happens. You do what any person would do after having the day you had.

You smile to yourself, undoing the knot on your towel and falling back onto your pillows, hands already caressing your breasts.

You’re a Christian not a robot. Of course you masturbate. Sure you feel ashamed. You can hear your mother’s voice chide about how sinful it is but that all melts away when your little fingers slide between your wet folds. Shame can wait.

Being the menace in your life that he is, the eldest Todoroki chose that exact moment to barge into your room unannounced.

You scramble for your covers trying your best to preserve some modesty but it’s too late, you’ve been caught. You shriek in terror.

“Oh my god!” Dabi practically cackles.

“Dabi! It’s not what it looks like I swear.”

“Oh really?” He stalks over to your bed with the predatory grin on his face. “Because to me it looks like my innocent, holier than though baby sister is a nasty, little, closet pervert.” He’s now straddling you over your covers, you want to fight him off but that would mean letting go over your duvet and you know once you do that, it’s over. Dabi has the upper hand though. Soon he’s got both of your wrists in one of his hands, pinned above your head. His other hand, almost immediately, is pulling the down the covers, revealing your naked torso to him. “Huh.’ He muses as he palms one of your breasts. “Seems like it’s exactly what it looks like.”

“Dabi! Get off me!” You squirm under him but he’s too heavy so it’s no use.

“Nice tits Sis.” Dabi ignores your protests. “I don’t get why you keep them hidden.”

“I’m not your sister you creep!” you say with as much venom as you can muster.

“Aw princess,” he pouts and moves his hand up to cup your jaw, squeezing your cheeks harshly “it hurts your Nii-san’s feelings when you talk to him like that. I wonder what our parents would think. Should I tell them how filthy their sweet, little daughter really is?”

He revels in the fear in your eyes. You shake your head frantically. “No Dabi please! Please don’t tell them.” You whimper, words garbled.

“Don’t tell them what little sister? What were you doing?” He smirks. His hand goes back to your breast, this time to tweak your nipple.

The sadistic freak. Was he really going to make you say it? He answers your silent question with a sharp smack to your breast.

“I-I was masturbating.” You mumble, squeezing your eyes shut, cheeks burning from embarrassment.

“No, you weren’t”  he says as a matter of fact before pinching your already stiff nipple making your eyes shoot open and you yelp in pain. “You were playing with your little virgin cunt. Now say it.”

There is no way you could say those words. Has he not humiliated you enough? You try once again to break free but he’s got an iron grip on your wrists and he’s sitting on top of your thighs. There’s no way you’re getting out of this.

He pinches you again but harder this time, twisting your nipple and keeping it there.

“I was ah­ I was playing with my v-v-irgin c- Dabi! Cunt! There I said it! Let go!”

He snickers at your pain but let’s go of you entirely, shifting his weight off of you. You’re grateful for the reprieve, immediately pulling up the covers to cover up your body again. You will yourself not to cry until Dabi has left the room or else you’ll never hear the end of it. But he’s not finished with you yet.

“Show me.” He sits down on your desk chair facing you, his legs spread wide.

“What?” Surely you misheard him.

“Show your Nii-san how you play with that ‘little virgin cunt’” He smiles using air quotations.

“Dabi, this is wrong-“ you whimper

“Touya-nii.” You furrow your brows in confusion and he says again. “Call me Touya-nii. I’m not leaving this room until I see what I want.”

Say what you want about Dabi but he’s a man of his word. You know he means what he says. The last thing you want is for anyone in your family to come home and find you naked in your room with your step-brother. It’s just better to do what he asks demands.

You slowly peel the covers off you, exposing your naked body to your step brother. He’s eyeing you intently, palming the growing bulge under his jeans. His sister was hiding such a hot little body, right under his roof and he had no idea. You can’t bear to look at him. You clamp your thighs shut to hide your pussy from him, a weak attempt to save what’s left of your dignity. You wriggle your hand in between your legs and you try to move it as best you can without showing him more of you.

Wait.

You’re wet?

You’re wet.

Well screw dignity I guess.

“Oh none of that.” Touya scoffs. “Spread your legs.”

You obey him and he rewards you with a low whistle. “What a cute little pussy.” He murmurs so low you’re not even sure he’s talking to you. You flinch, wanting to close your legs on instinct but a firm “Don’t” from Dabi stops you in your tracks. “Show me how my little sister likes to play.”

His words make your pussy throb but you’re still reeling, both physically and mentally at, the shock from your current position so when your fingers try to rub circles on your clit, they’re shaky and sloppy.

“That’s pathetic. Is this how you do it? No wonder you’re so uptight, you probably never cum huh? Put your fingers inside, I wanna see you stretch your little hole.”

“Dabi I-“

“I won’t ask you to address me properly again. Next time, you’re getting your ass beat.”

“T-Touya-nii. I’ve never… put them inside.” You mumble.

“Never?” He can’t hide the amusement in his voice.

You simply shake your head, unable to meet his gaze.

Fucking jackpot. He thinks.  This is why he loves virgins.

“Oh no. Does the poor baby want her Nii-san to show her how it’s done?” voice dripping with condescension.

You’re horribly ashamed. Disgusted by the whole situation. And yet you find yourself nodding.

Dabi crawls on to your bed, discarding his shirt in the process. Next thing he has you flipped over, ass in the air, lying across his lap.

He spanks you, hard. Like he always does, loud smack echoing through the room. You cry out like you always do but it’s different this time. It’s different because this time you’re naked, on top of him. It’s different because you can feel his hard-on poking into your stomach. It’s different because everything about the situation is making you clench.

He grips the sore, reddened flesh and pulls apart your cheeks to look right at your fluttering hole. His thumb finds your clit and he starts to rub slow circles into it. “I meant what said you know. This is the prettiest fucking cunt I’ve ever seen.” You let out a whine as you feel his warm, wet spit land right on your opening, before Touya slides a long, slender middle finger into your tight pussy. He uses his other hand to hit you again. “You’re a good girl right? What do good girl’s say when they get compliments?”

Your head is spinning from his ministrations, so much so that a verbal response escapes you. You’re too busy bucking your hips against his hand. Dabi snaps you out of your trance with another spank, even harder, so your feel the sting spread across your glute. “Hnnghh… thank you Touya-nii.” He rewards you with his ring finger finding its way inside you as well. “Shit.” You say through gritted teeth. You clench around him trying to adjust to the foreign sensation.

Whack. This time on the other cheek, both burning red by now, you’re sure. “Where’d you learn to talk like that, naughty girl?” The way he’s moving his fingers inside you feels like he’s looking for something, you have no idea what. It’s not unpleasant but uncomfortable. You turn your head back to look at his face. It’s the same face he makes when he’s rolling a joint or playing video games with his friends. He’s concentrating. “Fuck, relax for me princess.” You’re trying. You’re really trying. You take a deep breath, trying to think about anything other than the way you’re being stretched.

Then it hits you. An overwhelming ecstasy, spreading from your groin, all the way down to your toes. You figure out that’s what he’s been looking for.

You find yourself grinding down onto his bulge in an attempt to escape the onslaught of his fingers, but it’s no use, not with the way his thumb is circling your throbbing clit.

“Can’t even take two fingers in this tiny pussy huh? How are you gonna take my cock?” Dabi gives you a third finger and the stretch is officially unbearable.

You can’t do anything but pant in his lap while he holds you down, making sure that you keep still. Suddenly, you realise the gravity of the circumstances you find yourself in. Your step brother is going to fuck you and there’s nothing you can do about it.

“God, please slow down!” You cry out. He keeps hitting that spot over and over. It’s too much. You look back at him with tears in your eyes, pleading for reprieve. The satisfied smile on his face lets you know that he couldn’t care less. You feel an orgasm building, stronger than any that you’ve given yourself.

“No God here, doll. Just the Almighty Dabi. And guess what? He wants you to come for him.”

Even before he finishes his sentence, you’re already convulsing on top of him. For a moment you forget how debauched the situation is. Being debased by a man who you not only despise but are related to. All feelings of shame are replaced by pure, hot bliss that sets your nerves on fire. Dabi does not relent. Not until the please you feel is eclipsed by the pain of oversensitivity and you’re writhing in futile attempt to escape.

Dabi pulls his fingers out of you and wraps his other hand around your neck, dragging you up to face him. He holds his fingers, covered in your cream, right in front of your face. “Messy slut. Clean them.”

Before you can respond the fingers press against your lips. You have no choice but to take them inside your mouth. He grips the back of your head while you lave your tongue over his fingers, sucking off your release. He’s keeps a tension on your strands that makes your scalp sting. It’s a silent warning to keep your eyes on him. You’ve caught on by now that he wants this to be as humiliating as possible for you. As if coming on your step-brother’s fingers weren’t humiliating enough. He shoves his fingers deeper, making you gag around them drool seeping from the corner of your mouth.

“Good girl.” He growls as he wipes his saliva covered fingers dry on your face. Again, you fight back the tears of embarrassment. You won’t give him the satisfaction.

Dabi prompts you with cruel tug on your hair. “Gah! Th-thank you Touya-nii.” You whimper.

“Hmm.” His hands move to your hips and he rolls his hips to grind his hard cock into your core. “You want Nii-san to fuck you now?”

Your bottom lip quivers. Is he giving you an out? You pray to God that Dabi is giving you a way out of this. You doubt God cares about what you want right now but still, you hope he can grant you this one mercy, you’ll make it up to him somehow. You shake your head no. You probably look so pitiful right now, naked on top of Touya while he bucks up against you, your own spit streaked across your face, barely stopping the tears in your eyes from spilling.

“Liar.” He sneers. “You want your big brother to split that virgin hole right open.”

You’re stupid for thinking he would give you a way out. You realise that now. No point in trying not to cry. Nothing is gonna stop him from getting what he wants anyway. You can’t hold back the choked sobs anymore

“Such pretty tears, baby.” Dabi coos at you. “Don’t worry. Nii-san is gonna give you exactly what you want.”

He picks you up off of him and positions you exactly how he wants, on all fours, swollen cunt exposed for him. He kneels behind you and you hear the sounds of him undoing his jeans. You turn your head back, curiosity getting the better of you. Your eyes find Dabi just in time to see him free himself from his boxers, which join his jeans bunched at is knees. The sight makes your eyes go wide. It’s your first time seeing one in real life. Were they supposed to be that big? And… pierced?

He quirks a brow at you, smug look plastered on his face. He strokes himself in front of you, spreading his pre-cum along his shaft. He’s tilts it upwards to make sure you get a good look at the vertical barbell that goes through his tip and three horizontal, parallel bars along the underside. “You look scared. Don’t worry princess, Big brother Dabi’s gonna make it fit.” You feel his tip press against your opening and brace yourself.

You’ve heard stories from your friends. You know the first time hurts but God nothing could have prepared you for this .Touya makes good on his word, sliding his entirely until your pressed right against his pelvis. The scream you let out is ear shattering but you can’t help it, the stretch is excruciating. The way his piercings catch on your walls only, intensifies the burn. You crawl toward your headboard instinctively, it’s too much. Way too much.

He’s not having any of it. Dabi pulls you up to him with a hand wrapped around your throat until your back meets his front. “Shh shh shh. Don’t run baby. You’re gonna take all of it.” He groans right against your ear. Without giving you time to adjust, he begins to thrust into you at a relentless pace. You have no choice but to let him use you.

“Who’s fucking you huh? Who’s making you feel good?”

“My nii-san. Touya-nii is fucking me so good.”

“Yeah fuck. Love this holy pussy” He delivers a harsh smack directly on to your clit, making you quiver in his hold. He laughs at your reaction. “Gonna say a prayer for me babe? I wanna hear it.”

“Huh?” You’re barely lucid, there’s no way you heard him correctly.

“Well you’re a little sinner slut now. You should probably ask for forgiveness. Pray.”

You’re sure you’re beyond salvation now but you submit nonetheless. “Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your unfailing love; according to Your great compassion.” You gasp as he tightens his hand around your throat. “Against You, have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight. Oh fuck Touya-nii!”

“Bad girl.” Dabi gives you another strike right on your aching clit. “Don’t think God is gonna be very happy with you.” Dabi is though. Dabi’s very happy with you. Your tight, gummy pussy sucks him back in every time he pulls back. It just makes him fuck you harder, he wants to make you scream louder for him.

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Ngggghh Shit. Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me.” You’re sobbing outright, gasping to get air into your constricted throat.

“You gonna cum? My bad girl gonna come for her big brother?” Dabi grunts into your ear.

“Yeah close Touya-nii.”

“Hmm me too.”

“NOT INSIDE TOUYA-NII” You begin to thrash in his arms.

“S’matter princess? Don’t wanna have your big brother’s babies? That’s hurtful.” He snickers. He releases your throat in favour of pressing you into the mattress, large hand resting between your shoulder blades. “Better cum before I do then.”

The ridges of his piercings rub up against that same sweet spot, over and over again. You’re dizzy from the lack of air and absolutely drunk with pleasure on his cock. Pretty much the only thing tethering you to this existence is the unforgiving grip he has on your ass, digging his nails into your flesh. He reaches his hand around to rub your sore, puffy clit. It pushes you over the edge a second time. You feel every muscle contract and relax as the waves of your orgasm wash over you, making you cry out in bliss.

As soon as you come down from your high, Dabi has you flipped on to your back and is straddling your torso. “Keep praying.” He mutters. He furrows his brows, huffing as he jerks off on top of you, eyes focused intently on your gold necklace.

“Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me. Then will I teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners will turn back to You. Amen”

“Yeah, fuck that’s it take it baby.” Dabi sprays his come over your chest, aiming his load right on your cross, a symbol of your devotion to Christ, defiled. He looks absolutely euphoric watching the ropes of his hot cum slowly run down onto your nipples and down the valley of your breasts

“Don’t you fucking move.” He pants, catching his breath. He picks up his phone and you hear his camera click. He looks at the picture and smiles. You look absolutely fucked out. Hair disheveled, face red and bloated from crying and completely covered in his load. Yeah a real good, Christian girl. He thinks.

“Dabi! No!” You lunge forward, trying to grab his phone from his hand. Almost effortlessly, Touya shoves you back onto the bed.

“Relax. No one’s gonna see it. Not unless you snitch to mommy and daddy.”

“You promise?” You grab the tissues from your nightstand and wipe yourself clean. The smell lingers though, along with the grimy feeling, seemingly embedded in your skin. You look up at him, sniffling, tears still rolling down your cheeks. If he were better person, he’d take pity on you for being so fucking stupid.

“Promise, little sis.” He shoots you a wink as he tucks himself back into his jeans.

Before he’s left your room he’s already sent the picture to his friend, Shigaraki.

[faggotmox]

Ranger I still love you. Even if your hockey men are trash. Mine are trash too.

Please write the hockey/sports therapist AU, I think it would be very healing for us.

- slap <3

ill write us something sweet for this. the heeling power of the weird goat man & brat boy mox.

snipet of aus:

"What are you smirking about?" Mox grunted as he preformed the small, yet hard exercise Bryan had instructed him to do.

"I'm not smirking!" Bryan chuckled as he came over. There was a quiet moment where Bryan corrected Mox's form before stepping back again. "You're just doing so good. You're determined. I like that."

"Jesus fucking Christ." Mox grunted, wondering how Bryan's gentle correction could be so nice but his fucking cheerful encouragements were grating. How could his goofy ass smile be so cute yet so fucking condescending? Mox shook his head to make himself stop thinking. "I'm not half assing this. If I lose hockey, I lose everything."

"Hey. Relax, Jon." Bryan placed one hand on Mox's wrist and the other on his shoulder. "Dont tense up. Relax." Now Bryan's voice was soothing. It was all too confusing. "I'm gonna make sure you get back on the ice. You would never half ass your rehab. Even if you try, I'll kick your fucking head in." Bryan smirked as he took the residence band from Mox.

"Yeah...Thanks." Mox sighed as he sat down. Bryan knelt in front of Mox and started working the elbow a little as Bryan checked the wounds from the surgery. One hadn't been enough. Mox needed two operations. "I hate starting over."

"You're not starting over." Bryan said as he rewrapped the arm with new bandages, still feeling to make sure nothing was hurt or out of place.

"When I'm heeled I won't even be able to curl 10 pounds." Mox grumbled. "I won't be able to use my stick like normal, I'll have to relearn." The far away look on Mox's face worried Bryan. "I'm letting my team down. I'm letting my friends down. The fans. My family." Mox sighed rubbing his forehead with his other hand.

"You're not starting over. This is a totally new challenge for you. Learning to adapt and heal is new to you." Bryan smiled softly as he took Mox's good arm and brought him to his feet. "Stop fucking pouting. You're gonna ride 3 miles on the bike so your cardio doesn't go out the window. I'm here to make sure you're not starting over and the only god damn way you're letting anyone down is by not letting yourself recover and throwing little pity parties for yourself. Come on. I'm riding next to you. Winner picks lunch." Bryan strapped the brace and sling back into place for the other man.

Mox grunted as they moved but made his way to the bikes with Bryan. The little pep talk was what Mox needed and he kind of hated that Bryan knew exactly what he needed to hear. The dude had an annoying ability to read Mox when nearly no one else on earth could. They climbed onto the bikes and started up. Bryan liked working with him, doing the work together seemed to power Mox. Since Mox was a competitive athlete it made sense. Bryan had fun and that made it harder for Mox to be a grumpy asshole. Bryan's goofy smile was infectious.

Bryan pushed Mox, and Mox liked to believe he beat Bryan fair and square but he kind of knew Bryan slowed down for him. It was actually...sweet, Mox thought. Bryan didn't want to discourage him during his recovery. When Mox was feeling better he would to him to stop.

"Alright. Where's lunch?" Bryan grinned. "Also with times like this you better thank me personally when you win the Cup next year. Your mom first then me."

"In your dreams, tree hugger." Mox smirked. "I think I know a BBQ joint. They have baked potatoes for you I'm sure." Bryan groaned loudly.

[marcfrenchie]

read my jon crane backstory 🔫

Jonathan Keeney Crane was born to a mother that died screaming in childbirth and a dad that abandoned his son for Los Vegas, dying after two weeks after getting cocky with a mob boss. While his grandmother disapproved of him, being born out of wedlock, she took him in due to her self-proclaimed kindness. Jon still wonders how his Granny could ever think she possessed any sort of kindness.

Grandmother Keeney overworked and underfed the young Crane, causing nerve and joint damage that he feels to this day. While she put him in school, he wasn't allowed to talk to kids his own age outside of it, which led him to a lonely childhood even before the bullying began. He grew up abnormally tall, emphasizing his starved figure and beginning his peers’ harassment.

Much of his work had to do with maintaining the ratty grain and chicken farm the two lived on, and, while the labor was harsh, it did foster a love of animals he still holds today. As he went into highschool, he grew wary of his grandmother's abuses, becoming obsessed with and angry at the fear she inflicted on him. This obsession lasted far longer than his usual random hyperfixations, though.

By the time he was 18, he recieved a scholarship to Gotham University for this obsession- a fully paid Psychology doctorate and partially covered housing. He was overjoyed, but his Granny disaproved, bringing his dreams to a shattering halt. Until she got a convenient lung disease. The illness didn't affect her much, while she was inside, but any contaminants in the air would choke her to death in less than a minute.

Thank Jesus that it was the 70s, and every even slightly rebellious teenager was harboring a nicotine addiction. A convenient blow of smoke in the entryway and Grandmother Keeney suffocated to death, leaving the family's modest fortune to Jon- that and the money from selling the farmland covered the rest of his housing, transportation, and a few years of grocery money. He took a train to Gotham, abandoning his horrific childhood wholesale in one two day ride.

His college days were almost boringly average, in comparison. He got straight As, even when he drifted into harder and harder classes- his obsessive tendencies were still going strong. He experimented a lot with his identity, finally slipping into aromantisism after a few years and a few partners. He became a professor for the next five years after finishing his doctorate, and moved to become a psychiatrist at Arkham Asylum for the next five years.

That's where everything went wrong. He swears that, at the beginning, he was developing his fear toxin to help people, but the lack of resources at the asylum meant that once it moved into human testing he didn't have any way to get consenting subjects...

So, he used himself. He spent days, trying every possible dosage amount, screaming in terror for hours at a time. He nearly died multiple times, and he realized that he'd need subjects that hadn't been exposed before... he was starting to build up a tolerance. He considered his options, and the already drug-maddened Jonathan Crane chose to experiment on his own patients.

Two weeks later he was fired, but his addiction to the power the toxin gave to him had already solidified, and his rage at authority had been breeding for his entire life. He soon took to the streets as the Scarecrow, toxin in hand, aiming to both continue his research and force the world to suffer like he had his entire life...

[marktuansvevo]

got7 reacts to something theyve never experienced before in a relationship

warning(s); slight cursing, sexual content in bam’s part

mark; being jealous

mark understood why his past partners could be jealous of him in his line of work. as long as it didn’t get out of hand, he thought it was cute. he was never the jealous one in the relationship. he didn’t even know what jealousy felt like....

....until tonight.

you were mark’s entire world. you excited him, you built him up like no other. never before could he see himself spending his life with someone before you came along. you made the world brighter to him.

but now he was only seeing red. 

you had been a trainee and never debuted, which you weren’t too upset about, you had a boyfriend you loved and a career with less physical and time demands than being in the entertainment industry. this meant that you knew a lot of other bands, stray kids being one of them. chan was, quite frankly, your best friend during your trainee days, so when you saw him at this afterparty you were attending with mark, you threw yourself into his arms.

mark just watched you from afar.

and his blood boiled.

chan spun you around in his arms, the biggest smile on his stupid, handsome face. “yah!! y/n! mark didn’t say you’d be here.”

you giggled, trying to keep your tears at bay. you put your hands on his face, poking his dimples. mark scoffed at the blush that was forming on his friend’s face. “god, chan i missed you so much.”

“bro, you look constipated,” bam snuck up behind him. “dude, your face is so red right now.”

mark rolled his eyes. “these parties are so annoying.” he didn’t take his eyes off of you as you caught up with chan, who still had his hand around your waist.

bam followed his line of vision. “shit, you’re not constipated, you’re jealous. yugyeom, come look at him!”

mark walked away from his intoxicated friends and up to you. you smiled at him before returning to your conversation with chan. 

“y/n, we have to go,” mark said lowly, smiling a sickly fake smile at chan, who immediately dropped his hand from your waist. 

“why, baby, we just got here? are you not feeling good?” you asked. he wanted to feel bad, your voice was laced with concern.

“something like that. see you, chan.”

as you got in the car, you smiled at him, poking his cheek. “somebody’s jealous, huh?”

“huh? of chan? i don’t know what you’re talking about,” he clenched his jaw, not making eye contact with you as he steered his car out of the parking lot. you were giggling now.

“you’re cute when you’re jealous. maybe i should make more time for chan.”

“y/n!!!”

jaebeom; wearing disguises in public

jaebeom never thought he would have to dress up in a disguise to go out in public. and jae would never want to put you in such a position. it was draining, and you, as his girlfriend knew that he despised it.

but you wanted to go to a concert with him.

and you wanted to stand in the pit with him and be part of it. don’t get you wrong, you loved when he bought you suite seats or could watch his shows from backstage, but you wanted to sway to ariana grande in th pit with your boyfriend.

“cmon, jae, i think everyone is going to be paying attention to ari. we can skip the opening act?” you suggested.

“y/n, i don’t want to take a chance...im sorry,” he pouted at you. you sighed, trying to figure out what to do.

“what about disguises?” he said. “like, we could wear our halloween costumes?” you were giggling to yourself, but your boyfriend seemed like the idea.

“i could wear my jesus wig and you could paint a beard on me?” he said with serious eyes.

“jae, you hate going out in disguises.”

“true...but, babe, this will be fun. you could wear your sailor mars wig, it’d be cute,”

okay, this was a really cute idea and you were warming up to it...if it made your boyfriend more comfortable to be out in a crowd of so many people, you were down to try it out.

“this really feels like halloween in july,” you giggled as you used mascara to draw a beard on his chin.

“do I look like jesus??” he asked childishly.

“well, you don’t look like im jaebeom of got7, that’s for sure,”

“you look like an egirl,” he laughed at himself. “don’t hate, you know you love it,” you said. “we look so cute, let’s take a mirror selfie and post in later,”

“no, then people will be on to us,” your boyfriend sent a pout in your direction as he looked at his makeshift beard in the mirror. “I look sexy as fuck in a beard,”

“super sexy aegyo please?”

the two of you arrived at the arena, not be noticed by anyone, but jae was still on edge, so you held his hand tight as you made your way into the pit.

“im so excited!!” you shouted over the noise. he shook his head before leaning in to kiss you. the two of you danced the whole night away to arianas crooning, his arms around you as you swayed to her pretty, soothing voice. the two of you let the world fade away while ariana sang honeymoon ave in the background.

jackson; his significant other saying ily first.

it was no secret that jackson was stock full of love and kindness. he had had other partners before you, all with him ending up getting too attached, or scaring them away when he said “I love you” too early.

he did not want to scare you away, and honestly, he had known he loved you two months into dating, but he didn’t want to scare you away, so he never outwardly said those three little words to you.

he wasn’t expecting you to say it, first though.

you had invited him over for dinner and a movie, just wanting a chill night in with your boyfriend. he brought the wine and promised to give you a back massage, so really, what more could you want on this chilly thursday night?

“what’s been going on, honey? you know you can tell me anything,” jackson whispered into your ear as he helped you out of your clothes.

“I feel like I deserve to oversee my department at work. i have the most education of all of them, more experience than them, and generally, I am more optimistic than my superiors….,” you sighed, letting him rub just under your shoulder blades, which had been itching all week.

“mmm?”

“i think they might be scared of powerful women who like to wear hot pink fendi suits to work,” you smiled, knowing he would be offended at your joke. you could almost feel him pouting.

“so the reason you can’t get the job is because your superiors don’t like the suits your boyfriend buys you? wow, what a way to hurt a guy’s pride…,” he followed your lead on the joke, trying to make you laugh because he knew this was really getting to you. “baby, I think you should go to their boss and see if you can get a promotion…tell them everything you told me, okay? i know you’re not only the best woman for the job, but the best person for the job…period,” he said, making you feel so overwhelmed with emotion. none of your previous partners had ever revered you the way jackson had. you felt so incredibly blessed and in love, you couldn’t help yourself.

“god, jackson, I love you so much,” you whispered.

the movement of his soft hands on your back stopped abruptly at your words. ‘oh god, was it too early to say that?’

“j-jackson…im sorry-“

“ive been waiting to say that to you,” he breathed against your lips, closing the distance that was between them.

“jackson wang….you love me?” you could feel the tears building. the man of your dreams was in love with you, too.

“i love you,” he whispered reverently.

“say it again,” you begged. he said it like a mantra.

“i love you, i love you….i love you..”

jinyoung; moving in together

jinyoung thought you were so cute. you were ecstatic to move with jinyoung. you had been living in your shared apartment with your mom your whole life and we’re excited to start a new chapter of your life. jinyoung didn’t think you were taking in the fact that moving is one of the most stressful things a person can go through.

he didn’t want to rain on your parade, though.

the two of you got settled into your new apartment after a long day of unpacking. jinyoung kissed you as you laid onto your new king sized bed. “im gonna grab takeout, you want your usual?” he asked sweetly, squeezing your hand. you just nodded, squeezing his hand back.

you watched as jinyoung walked out of your shared bedroom. that’s when the dam broke. you were so overwhelmed. you didn’t know how to make warm water happen in your shower, you didn’t have your wifi set up, and you forgot your favorite teddy bear at your moms. you missed teddy and your wifi and your mom.

“hey, i ordered you two egg rolls and they gave us three - hey, baby, are you crying?”

“no,” you replied lamely. “I miss teddy,” you wailed miserably.

“teddy...the...stuffed bear?” he asked.

“i slept with him every night for the past 20 something years.”

“baby...we can get your bear in the morning...,”

“we don’t have netflix set up so how am i supposed to sleep tonight?”

“y/n...,” he chuckled. you frowned harder now that he was laughing at you. “moving isn’t as exciting as it looks. tomorrow, we will fix the wifi, okay? and we can visit your mom and rescue teddy.”

“okay...okay. im sorry, im just a bit overwhelmed,” you confessed.

“its gonna be okay, honey. it’s a lot to take in, i know. but you can hold me instead of teddy, and ill sing you to sleep,” he whispered, the takeout now long forgotten. before you could fall asleep, he pulled his iphone out of his back pocket and pulled you into his chest to take a selfie. “there. now we have a picture of us in our bed for the first time.”

“i love you, you sap.”

even though you called him the sap, the next day you went to the pharmacy to get the photo printed and frame it. when jinyoung came home from the market that day, he eyed the frame on your bed stand, smirking at you.

“oh, so im the sap, hmm?”

youngjae; picking up the tab

it was the first date the two of you had been on since youngjae had been on tour. he told you to get dressed up and that the two of you would go out for a fancy dinner and catch up on everything. this is why you loved him, because while you wanted to hear all about his stories of life and tour abroad, he always wanted to hear about everything that was going at home, to see if you were alright.

youngjae looked dazzling in a black checked suit, while you matched him with a little black dress that made him groan when you stepped out of the bathroom. “can we skip dinner?” he’d ask cheekily. you rolled your eyes at him before kissing him on the cheek. “we aren’t skipping dinner, and we definitely won’t be skipping dessert,” you winked before leading him to the car.

the two of you ate dinner together, him holding your hand and looking at you with stars in his eyes as you told him stories that had happened while he was away. you ordered appetizers, drinks, shared an entrée, and youngjae even ordered you a slice of apple pie for the two of you to share.

“baby, I’m going to go use the restroom,” youngjae said before kissing your hand. “’kay, don’t get mugged, please,” you teased him. he shook his head at your playfulness. you watched as he left before frantically waving your arms at your waitress. she ran over to you, checking if you were alright.

“I just wanted to wonder if I can pick up the cheque really quick? I wanted to pick it up for my boyfriend as a surprise,” you spoke in a hushed tone, making the waitress giggle. she nodded her head before handing it to her. you handed her your credit card, thanking her before your boyfriend had any suspicions of what you were up to.

youngjae came out of the bathroom as soon as the waitress set the cheque down. you were applying your lipstick so you couldn’t snatch it in time. you watched as his pretty brown eyes scanned the receipt, looking confused as ever. “is this a joke? what kind of waitress lets the girlfriend pay?”

“jae,” you giggled. “you don’t always have to pay for dinner. I wanted to treat you…I missed you so much,” you confided, watching his expression from anger into warmth.

“oh, thank you honey, you are so sweet and thoughtful, I love you so much,” you let him wrap his suit jacket around your arms before planting a kiss to your forehead. “but that will be the last time you ever do that.”

“shut up, i like doing nice things for you,” you pouted.

“since you paid for dinner tonight, i have to put out, right?”

he ran to the car before you could slap him in the chest.

bam; his s/o borrowing his clothes

remember how joey never shared his food? well that’s how bam was with his wardrobe. he was very particular about his clothing, not letting people borrow them at all. yugyeom used to steal his clothes just to be petty and piss his best friend off. he had never let past partners borrow his clothes, and nothing was going to change, it wasn’t his fault, it was an obsession. if you were sure of one thing, it was to not steal your boyfriends clothes.

but one day, while he was gone from work, you thought you would take pictures of yourself in only one of his blazers to tease him.

you weren’t expecting him to walk through the door while you were trying to take self timer pictures of yourself.

“baby? what are you doing?” bam asked, laughing as you let out a squeal of surprise.

“i..i wanted to surprise you...,” he tsked, pulling away to look at his blazer. “i know you don’t like me wearing your things..,” you stammered as he circled you.

“you have such pretty things, though, bam,”

“you look so sexy in this,” he purred. “you were trying to get me worked up while im trying to work?”

“u...uhhh,” you couldn’t think coherently with you boyfriend acting so domineering. you gasped as he slid his hand up to your cunt, rubbing your clit in little circles. “bam...please...,” you groaned. 

“keep the blazer on,” he said as you writhed in his grip.

“its gonna get all sweaty though and then you’ll yell at me,” you teased him as you followed him to the bed. 

bam just groaned. “baby, im sorry I haven’t let you borrow my clothes before but you look better in them than me. now, let me fuck you and i promise you can have anything you want in that closet.”

he knew exactly how to shut you up.

yugyeom; his s/o buying him flowers

yugyeom was always so stressed during comeback season. you always scolded him when he forgot to eat, or wasn’t staying hydrated enough, but you were so proud of him. seeing the smile on his face and the way he walked a little taller was so worth it.

he was still busy during comeback season, coming home late after all the videos he had to shoot for publicity.

one night, yugyeom had gotten home around midnight to a bouquet of pink roses and a handwritten note from you. it read; “I am so proud of you, my love. congrats on breath… I can always feel your love,” he blushed and giggled to himself, thinking, “isn’t the guy supposed to buy the girlfriend the flowers?” he wandered into your shared bedroom to see you sprawled into his side, with your book in your hands, a soft snore leaving your lips. he nudged you, not intending to wake you up, he could thank you in the morning. but he did accidentally. “yeom?” you whispered. 

“shh, baby go back to sleep,” he shushed, changing into his pjs. 

“did you like the flowers?” you asked, suddenly awake now. 

“theyre really pretty, baby, but aren’t I supposed to buy you the flowers?” 

you narrowed your eyes at him. “not my boyfriend being a sexist,” 

“yah! y/n stop it, I didn’t mean it that way!! I love them, you remembered I said I love roses,” he was pouting now, pulling you into his chest to spoon you. his voice got quieter now. “no one’s ever remembered my favorite flowers…much less bought them for me,” he paused, kissing the back of your neck before closing his eyes and falling fast asleep.

he was whipped.