#ill think ill tag this-
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I have always said on this blog that I'm animal AND human. I've openly claimed since my very first posts that human is one of my species identities, in a way. It's still professed in my About Me. But over the past year I've felt more and more alienated from humanity, and I'm not sure whether it's true anymore.
If I'd had to guess a few years ago, I would have thought that if I ever lost connection with humanity it would be because of my otherkinity. Because I felt more attached to being otherkind than being human. But it hasn't really been that at all. It's been my asexuality, my autism, my psychosis, my neurodivergence in general.
It's so hard to feel human when I look at the vast majority of humans and see something completely different than what I am. When I "don't get" things that are supposed to "make us human", like sexual attraction or the elaborate dance of social interaction. Of course logically I know that I'm not the only ace or neurodivergent person out there, that we're more common than most people realize, but--
I still see humans and don't see a reflection of myself. I don't understand them. They don't understand me. As an autistic person, that feeling of being an alien among humans, a different species, an ugly duckling/swan among ducks - it's so profound. It's so alienating.
And as a disabled person it's easy to see how little human society WANTS me. Wants me to exist, accommodates my participation in it. I am isolated not by choice but by my own nature and the nature of the society I live in. I feel such a fondness for humans; I really love them. I'm not misanthropic in the way you'd expect. But I also feel so utterly exiled from them.
In the end, it feels like I'm choosing between being a human that's broken, that's contructed wrong, or being something that's not human at all. Maybe the latter is marginally more comforting. But it feels less to me like proudly reclaiming nonhumanity and more like grasping at the few pathetic scraps I can reach as a person who's been shut out. It hurts.
It feels like this world wrenches humanity from me and I'm too exhausted to keep holding on. It would be such a relief to finally let go, but also something so painful to mourn. Giving up on the idea of ever truly being a member of a group; accepting that there are so few people like me that I'll never completely fit into the human world. I love animals, I love monsters, I love the strange, the queer, the grotesque, the insane, the deviant, the bizarre, the fundamentally unhuman.
But I wish it was possible to have both.
#blue speaks#really cracking my chest open and letting something out#this has been paining me for a long time#a wound that never quite heals or closes#ill think ill tag this-#voidpunk#-even though im not sure whether I claim that yet or not#this is vulnerable but im refusing to let myself second guess or regret this post#i need to get it out of me
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im so normal abt sibling relationships in media i swear
#missing piece of the circle: I resist the urge to hug my brother cause ill start crying all over him and he’ll think I’ve finally snapped#this is mostly about the asl brothers but also a lot of other characters too#hold on lemme tag 1 million characters rq#asl brothers#monkey d luffy#sabo#portgas d ace#akutagawa ryuunosuke#akutagawa gin#ragbros#kaeya alberich#diluc ragnvindr#jason todd#batfam#dabi#touya todoroki#laios touden#falin touden#apollo justice#nahyuta sahdmadhi#wittebros#phantomhive twins#donquixote brothers#klavier gavin#kristoph gavin#lumine#aether#vinsmoke siblings#tsukasa yugi#amane yugi
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reflection
#anyways so i think samus has major survivors guilt and is a super perfectionist. The type of girl who reimagines scenarios in her mind#And thinks about how she could have done better. like ‘if i had woken up sooner maybe i could have saved everyone in prime 3’#so i think she says she doesnt know anything about herself because shes so hypercritical of her actions she doesnt see herself as a person#while also her hyper critical-ness shows how she says she wants to ignore herself but she literally cant because she has so many criticisms#oh i wanted to include the ppl from the prime 2 manga in that one shot but was like ‘i dont think ppl will recognize them’.#also lol the existence of dark samus would fuck her up SOOOO bad like it only exists bc she exists & its responsible for the gang’s deaths#okay im done rambling tldr MENTAL ILLNESS.#metroid#samus aran#loneart#metroid dread#metroid prime#super metroid#metroid series#i dont wanna tag all the games. There just those games is enough#hall of fame
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nothing can break the bond between a friend who loves spoilers and a friend who just watched an amazing show and needs to tell someone the entire plot from start to finish
#respectfully i think youre a bit crazy if you love spoilers but ill allow it bc it means i get to yell about one of my favorite shows#i did this with st to my friend#it was very fun#1k#10k#post 10k tag: i am shocked theres more people in the tags saying theyre the ones that likes spoilers#im the one who tells someone everything
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VICTORY FEAST !!!
my piece for the @opfoodzine
#one piece#monkey d. luffy#yamato#roronoa zoro#wano arc#trafalgar law#eustass kid#strawhats#please i dont think i can type all their names again#its my bday so i give u this#ill update the tags when i can
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9 / 266
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk 266#fanart#jjk fanart#itafushi#jujutsu kaisen fanart#used th itfs tag bc its implied and this is an itfs piece i said so#i dont think ive seen this parallel made yet??? but its ok if it has#i just had the idea hit at gross o clock last night when i ws alr exhausted n had 2 force myself to sleep instead of drawing it#i just . clutches chest . YUUJI#th char development the emotional maturity..#the willingness to put aside his gojo voice personal feelings in favour of giving megumi agency over his own life#rather than burden him with expectations the way every1 has done fr both of them over the course of the series...#tears in my eyes thats my mc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway art notes i think lower one is some of the best yuuji hair ive drawn 2 date#it's kind of similar to one of my 265 redraws but i think i struck a better balance in how thoroughly i rendered it here#proud of my me but also SO grateful tht yuuji has not been fighting me lately#so much yuuji content these past chapters i cant imagine th frustration having to Also fight him in order 2 create content fr them#anyway itafushi kaisen is real and canon and alive and yuuji singlehandedly discovered th cure 2 my mental illness w this line
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im not putting this post into words. beams into your mind The Parallels
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#not a new thought at all of course but i havent seen a post thorough enough for Me. the guy who thinks about it a lot#and this isnt all my thoughts either but it at least Touches on each element that i think about...#honestly where i could talk for ages is where the similar things were Different for them. but harder to organize#if you actually went and looked at all these panels with me. thank you for coming to this Presentation and Journey#i hope my Beam is having an Effect.#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#delicious in dungeon#thistle dungeon meshi#marcille donato#long post#can i be forrealsies i made this post ages ago and was just referencing it while drafting one About the contrasts and accidentally hit post#so ig might as well keep it up instead of hoarding it in my drafts. and maybe ill post That essay here someday#tistle tag
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2023 darkstalker floating in space doing nothing grinning evily and scary. png 1 and 2
#theres things i dont like in here but i also dont feel like retouching them so close ur eyes and pretend i did#no memory of drawing those btw. whenever i draw this guy i do in in a daze and hes on my canvas all finished up#my wof lore is that whiteout os my fav character evar so far but#instead of drawing her my brains forcing me to draw her annoying evil brother i hate#lim serious when i say i dont like him. but hes soooo fun to draw i cant say no to worlds evilest 17 year old teenager dragon. frown#i think i made those around the time i got the book which i still didnt get to read btw. sorry. this year was craszy#ill get to it. promise#darkstalker#wof#wings of fire#fanart tag#art tag#eyestrain
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i love normal guys doomed by the narrative
#either that or hilariously dysfunctional or both#tf one#orion pax#d 16#megop#megatron#optimus prime#my art#saw one post pointing out in the trailer that a like5 frame shot of megatrons cannon that was snuck between their mahoushoujo type transfor#mations and like.messed up deeply messed up u see how goofy best friends orion and megsy are theyre just silly guys but in every telling of#their story they always end up enemies ok like in a meta multiverse hopping way think about it.like oh my god prewar tfp megop was already j#juicy and earthspark divorced-remarried megop is like.RGHFH tf one is going to destroy me bc this is what they had Before do u get me#before the war before they fell apart before friends became enemies and hands were stained before the beginning of the end im so so normal#like ok.this silly tight goofy buddy dynamic thats shown in tf one so far is.is what they had before. its what they could have kept if only#if only things turned out differently. but in every world optimus prime and megatron end up leading opposite sides of the bloodiest war ever#ok.its a universal fact and everyone who knows any transformers knows this BUT THE CHARACTERS DONT THEYRE POWERLESS TO PREVENT IT#ill clean up these tags in the morning but like im so.so normal about fictional robot guys#anyway i was intending to draw a background for this but i got lazy and also spent too long on the hands!!!!so whatever
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staff still hasn't given me polls, what should i do?
🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their moms 69%
🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their dads 31%
grace image os i get to look at her
#edit: edited the og post to what i want but to set the record straight i edited to the post to be mathematically correct right after the#first person pointed it out which was like ten mins after i posted the og post. now fuck offf !!!!! the rest of the tags r from the og post#for some reason i feel very immature making your mom jokes about tumblr staff. which i shldnt !!#bc they suck nd they still havent given me polls. but i ig i feel imature bc it a your mom joke 😭 but still i tihnk its kinda funny#EDIT: edited the post to what i want bc yall were getting annoying . but to set the record straight i edited to post to be mathematically#also its *mum* not mom okay i am NOT !! an american . but if i say mum everyone will j be like 'omg british' like i dont know i am#anyway. i want polls please. give me the rigght to force my mutuals chose between the most inane things#also i tihnk it wld b cool for the cs weekly blog. like w each episode#i cld do a poll of like. out of five stars what do u think of this ep#and it wld b a cool thing of which eps r ppls faves#also i cld have like. whose ur fave in team red whos ur fave in acme etc#id prob just have to go with vile faculty bc theres more than 10 ppl in vile. and ppl wld kill me if i didnt include nel the ell or whoever#it wld b fun !!!#oh btw csweekly thats i thing i want to start. prob on uhhh the 11th of feb ill post abt it more but its basically#a tag/blog for watching cs one ep a time watching one ep every saturday#ya !! :3#flappy rambles#inaccessible#ask to tag#(<- idk. just in case)
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how to guide your mossball (ID in alt)
#roronoa zoro#zoro#opfanart#one piece#monkey d luffy#nami#sanji#usopp#tony tony chopper#nico robin#not sure if i should even tag her shes just an eye and a hand…. anyway this was for zoro’s birthday ! uploading it a bit late here#definitely an overdone concept i Think but i wanted to draw smth pre-ts with his beloved crew :D#if im not forgetful ill make it a set and draw another with the rest of the straw hats including vivi and then other non-sh!#so many people have come face to face with his terrible sense of directions… i love to think of how those that had the time start to adjust#and problem solve it... its not foolproof though im sure zoro will find a way to clip thru the universe#ruporas art
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Edit since a lot of people seem confused - your "real" name is the name that you want to be referred to in real life. It doesn't have to be your legal name. So if you're trans and you have a different name to whats on your birth certificate, even if not many people call you by the name, it still counts as your real name.
Edit 2 : Holy shit guys please stop reblogging this post my poor inbox im getting like 20 notifs an hour asjfhkajshdkh /lh /srs
#FUN FACT : charlie isnt my real name :]#i decided to go with the name charlie because i didnt wanna use my real name and i like the name charlie#my parents were gonna call me charlie when i was born but didnt in the end#i dont really know why i dont just tell you lot my real name because its a super common name#another thing that using a diff name online has caused is me seeing “charlie” almost as a different person#theres “[wearegonnapretendiputmyrealnamehere]” and then theres “Charlie” and they are two different people in my mind#idk aksjffhkajsshdka#anyways this is the second poll ive made today what is my deal with polls#i should make a seperate poll tag for all my fucking polls that i make#I MAKE A LOT#ill tag all my polls when i think of a good name lol#anyways woah i got a bit rambly there#did i make a whole ass poll just because i thought you might find it interesting that my real name wasnt charlie?#yes. yes i did.#(DO NOT take this as me not wanting you lot to call me charlie i would prefer you use that name over anything else lol)#polls#tumblr polls#random polls
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rough scugerator concepts
#rain world#looks to the moon#five pebbles#slugcat iterators#iterators as slugcats#scugerators#lunart#eggmoon creations#i didn't have proper ideas for the rest of them sorry#if i make more ill post them ig#this was mostly just to de-stress though#lttm fp siblings#i can't think of a snappy name for a tag of them interacting as siblings
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throws these at you
#marvel cinematic universe#xmen movies#xmen#xmen apocalypse#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#do i tag it cherik. of course i do#cherik#snap sketches#i have once again failed to draw erik's plan outfit from dofp cjWALcjkalkc#TOMORROW. or friday. i want to draw it at some point ..#idk how i ended up here. think i just wanted to draw bald charles. and the wheelchair...#thats why i gave up when it came to coloring and shading vklejalkj just a quick thing !!!!! ill make something epic soon. maybe. <-lying#anyway i have to decide if when i draw that outfit it will be another cherik thing or just a solo. might do the latter lest i go mad#for now good night !!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have class in seven hours and i need to sleep !!!!!
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was it casual when i sat in your lap in public? was it casual when i said "recently my heart is crying because you're leaving"? was it casual when we decided how your last name would fit with mine? ("yuki tsunoda-gasly" / "no tsunoda, only gasly" / "yuki gasly?") was it casual when we sang adele's "someone like you" together at your going away party? was it casual when i knew it was you just by touching your ass? was it casual when i knew it was you by smell alone? was it casual when "will you miss me?" / "for 2-3 minutes maybe" / "i'll take that. even if it's just 2-3 minutes, i'll take that"? was it casual when that bus was completely empty and we still sat right next to each other, all the way in the back? was it casual when i picked you up multiple times so you could dunk a basketball? was it casual when i begged to come over to your house multiple time and then you finally let me and we cooked fried rice together? was it casual when we played christmas twister together and i said "your big eggplant is touching my ass"? was it casual when we were pressed up against each other on a scooter going two miles per hour? was it casual when-
#edit: tinytauris fact checked my post and they sang 'hello' not someone like you & it was 'your big monster' not eggplant#everyday i think about the fact that yukierre should've been what lestappen is now#i should be able to go on the yukierre tag on ao3 and it should say 'showing 1-20 of 6745'#they were genuinely so fuckingg weird about each otherrrrrr#im being so serious when i say that if they ever came out as gay/bi/whatever i really wouldnt be surprised#literally just 'okay?? fork spotted in kitchen cmon now' moment#anyway i think about that moment on the bus soooo often#will you miss me? / maybe for 2-3 minutes / ill take that then. even if it's just for 2-3 minutes ill take that#hwat the FUCK#i was going 'gay gay homosexual' everytime i saw them together#yukierre#yuki tsunoda#pierre gasly#also im like 90% sure that everyting i worte down actually happened but if i wrote smth down that didnt happen#and my yukierre infested brain just conjured up please let me know#also ive had this is in my drafts foreverrrr (re: since july) so if this has already been done im so sorry#i always feel like such a loser making posts about driver relationships lol#like 'oh look at that weirdo that got too invested in people she doesn't even know'#whatever im getting to introspective now#1k
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sometimes everything just sucks real real real bad
#bonnie my beloved perceptive no filter bonnie my fucking beloved#divorce ass fucking ship dynamic. you are upsetting the fucking children.#isat spoilers#isat fanart#isat#in stars and time fanart#in stars and time spoilers#in stars and time#isat bonnie#isat siffrin#isat loop#siffrin#lucabyteart#sifloop#YES THIS GOES IN THE SHIP TAG. DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE#anyway i have a lot of thoughts on loop and bonnie as im sure does everyone. both before and after they learn who they are#i think a lot about how loop has several lines gently reassuring siffrin that bonnie never actually hated them. they've had time to reflect#and while theyve not healthily come to terms with much... they seem to actually have come to understand that one... and yet...#they aren't siffrin anymore now are they?#anyway im off on my travels for the next 2 weeks ! my wips shall stay that way for a while! yes this is a fucked one to leave u with!!!#byeeeee !!! ill be back !!!!#sorry to the claude wip for being stuck in purgatory for like over a month im usually not like this <3#abuse tw#as requested
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