#ill tag it as something that i can come back to
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OOH YEAH BABY ITS THE SURGERY EPISODE BABY!!! ME AND THE HOMIES NEED SOME NEW FACES FOR OUR NEW PLAN, AND WHO BETTER TO GET THE JOB DONE THAN THE TWO MOST EVIL PEOPLE WE'VE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF HAVING OUR LIVES VIOLATED BY? I MEAN IT WOULD BE FUNNY. IT WOULD BE FUNNY.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw blood#cw gore#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#vex waylin#viv waylin#MY FAVORIT EP!! HAVNT SEEN IT IN FOREVER THO BC WELL. IM BUSY. SO BEAR W ME IM RUNNIN OFF ALOTTA MEMORY FUMES#ALSO EDIT BC FUUUCK I HADMORE TAGS BUT TUMBLR FUCKEN ATE EM. OH WELL. MY DMS R OPEN IF U WANNA UNLOCK RAMBLES.#I LOVE THE WAYLIN TWINS SSSOO FUCKING MUCH IM SO!!! CURIOUS ABOUT THEM!!! WHO WERE THEY WHEN THEY WERE HUMAN? HOW LONGVE THEY BEEN ARND?#I LOVE IT WHEN PPL SAY ITS LIKE THESE TWO WERE MADE FOR MMEE BC YES!! YES!! ITS EVERYTHING I COULD EVER WANT FROMA CHARACTER!!!#I LOVE THEIR RED WHITE N BLACK COLOR SCHEME. I LOVE HOW THEYRE BOTH SO INTELLIGENT AND GENIUS N YET THEYRE DUMB AS FUUUUCK#COOOMICAL SUPER VILLAINS. OOH ILL GET YOU NEXT TIME SHAMIA SHAMAI!!! HOW DARE YOU FOIL MY PLAN!! MY PLANS OF MUTILATING AWAKE N ALIVE PPL#COMICAL AND YET. GENUINELY HORRIFYING. VIV CAN MAKE UR BONES EXPLODE JUST BY THINKING ABOUT IT. VEX CAN BECOME SOUP#WHY DONT WE TALK ABOUT THAT MORE? THE TURNING INTO RED MEAT SLIME?? METAL AS FUUUCK. I ALSO LOVE HOW SCARED THEY GOT SO QUICKLY#THIS LIL FUCKEN RRRRRAT COMES IN. AND WELL. HES JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHERS. WE FUCK HIM UP N TOSS HIM INTO THE SUN N LET HIM BURN#SURE HE HAD ONE MORE TRICK OF REBELLION UP HIS SLEEVE BUT THE SUN HAS TAKEN HIM NOW. ITS FINE. WE'RE FINE. HEY IS THERE SMTH IN THE CEILING#OHHH WE KILLED HIM ONCE N HE CAME BACK. WE KILLED HIM AGAIN N TOOK HIM APART BUT THEN HES BACK?? HE GETS AWAY AND THEN. COMES BACK. AGAIN.#WE CANT GET RID OF HIM. THAT FOUL SHAMIA SHAMAI. A MOUSE IN OUR KITCHEN. FUUUUCK HES GONNA SPREAD DISEASE! KILL IT! KILL IT!! AAAUUGH FUCK!#I LOVE THAT THE WAYLIN TWINS AGREED TO HELP THE BLONDE TWINS MOSTLY ON THE BASIS OF 'IT WOULD BE FUNNY' BUT ALSO#OOHHH WE ARE SO CLOSE TO REACHING SOMETHING TO MAKE HIM NNEEVER FUCK WITH US AGAIN. HIS ILLUSIONS WILL HAUNT US NO LONGER#THEY WERE SSSOOO PARANOID W ALL THE CAMERAS AND BOMBING THEIR OWN LAB AND RUNNING AND RUNNING AND GETTING AWWAY FROM THIS FUCKEN! MOUSE!!!!#OHHHH I THINK IM RUNNIN OUTA ROOM so ill talk about da art real quick.BEEN WORKIN ON THIS FOR A WHIIILE.ALOTTA THESE were started when the#ep came out.so OLD!! BUT DONE!!and im very very happy w my colors n gore n EXPRESSIONS!! the top right corner comic keeps making me chuckle#I ALSO rly love the lil convo between arthur n viv.theyre SO CUTE TOGETHERR they should go ona museum date together or somethin#they need more time to just talk abt da World together.ALSO CAN I BE PETTY.I MADE ARTHUR UGLY CORRECT-STYLE#THESE BOYS KNOW NOTHING OF UGLY.I MADE THE VAMPIRIC FLESH EVOLVE N ROT N BLOSSOM AND THERE IS SQUIRMING WITHIN THE TENEBRAE#UHHH IEAH THIS GUY W A ROTTED N DISTORTED FACE WALKS INTO MY BIKE STORE IEAH IM SCREAAAMIN LIKE WADDA HELL!! MONSTOR!!!
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maybe link should consider that I filled my inventory with salted milky smoothies right before the fight and spent all that time leveling up the sword and energy gauges tho ...��
#when tri said give him the sword back i was like NO!!!! IM GOING TO SHOVE HIM OFF THIS CLIFF TRI DONT TRI ME!!#ILL TURN THIS FROM ECHOES OF WISDOM TO ECHOES OF WIDOW REAL FAST (ZELDA WILL BE A WIDOW)#i think post game should have a mode where u can refight the bosses and get them as echoes at least if ur not allowed to use swordfighter#in the last fight...like...give me SOMETHING here#eow spoilers#echoes of wisdom spoilers#echoes of wisdom#loz eow spoilers#loz eow#zelda#link#princess zelda#eow#loz#the legend of zelda#legend of zelda#fanart#ms paint#doodle#comics#truly the quickest lil doodle comic of my life but i know from complaining abt this on my main other ppl got miffed abt this too!!#that being said its still my fav game in recent years i ADORE THIS game dont take this as like serious hate lol#i get WHY they did this. i get it! but Still wasnt what /i personally/ wanted so i will gripe abt my Opinions#im queueing this to come out (1) week after i draw it so maybe everyone is done by now but if not . sry for the spoilers. i tagged every#possible blacklistable term i could think of </3#&yes I know why they did it thematically etc no one needs to Um Actually 🤓☝️ me this is my opinion 🧍🏻 pls just scroll if u disagree this is#silly hehe 10 min comic not. a serious real thing. u know??#I love link and I am glad we got to do stuff with him at the end I wish it would’ve just been more of the split room puzzles together and#we both got to fight also .
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Mono's trick.
#this was something I had been working on but never finished#I posted a teaser back like. half a year ago. a year ago. idk#not a very strong premise behind it but the idea was that#well. they figured out the loop and tricked the bad guys lol#as you can tell the quality desintegrates at the end LMAO#maybe ill come back to it one day#little nightmares#little nightmares 2#little nightmares ii#mono#mono ln#six ln#six#i forgot what tags i fucking use lmao#ln#my art
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following u because u requested washilon from chroma <33
ty i am honored 🫡 i just think their relationship is so compelling and i wish canon had more time to explore it!!
#like how do you talk to this guy who tried to kill himself in your head#how can you come back from something like that#coupled with the idea that the two of you had some sort of bond (like i said in the request im not fussy about romantic or platonic i think#the implication of any kind of close relationship is enough) and so both of you have these Feelings. lord#god i think theres this line in Put my guns in the ground or some other tuckington-centric fic thats like#'[tucker] will have something i can never have again - his trust' and. yeah. the idea of this broken trust and love that#no matter what they do will never be what it once was. makes me feel something#okay sorry to go off in the tags. i surprisingly dont think about them a whole lot but i need to. they make me so so ill#theta thoughts#ask#pvtchurch#wash#epsilon#rvb meta#rvb
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Some of you are trying to find misogyny where it doesn't exist because you want to be victims so bad
#i said it#i stand by it#im sick of it#rewording the tags because i really did that wrong the first time#now unsentimentaltranslator made a point so allow me to redeem mine#misogyny is absolutely the bigger issue but there's no contest#but ive seen people go out of their way to find something to be offended by. in general too ofc but#im specifically referencing people who milk their identity as a woman for all its worth#while being deliberately ignorant of the privileges they do have#i hate that. i do. it's annoying#some of yall want to be offended so that you can be the victims so that you don't have to take responsibility or accountability#for any privilege or any sort of power you do have#easiest example is the way some of us white woman ignore our privilege when compared to a dark skinned woman#or how us well-off women are in an infinitely better position than the women out there fighting for their lives in congo or gaza#knowing your privilege even in a marginalized position is crucial to being a true feminist#feminism#misogyny#coming back the next day to add a few things#this can actually also be a form of misogyny in and of itself. in MANY different ways#and i can double down on that but ill save it for another post
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i drew silly gijinkas of my dogs
the dogs in question
#doodles#uhhh ill tag this oc even though its just my dogs lmao#oc#anyways#for the record about their personalities#dakotas very much a grumpy old lady. shes pretty quiet and when she has something to say its not very nice#vyse used to be a little menace!! but hes mellowed out as he got older#and orpheus is a menace!! he loves annoying people its his favorite hobby#he doesnt try to be destructive he just does things he thinks will be cool without thinking and causes massive damage in the process#hes the kid who went WANNA WATCH ME DO A BACKFLIP OFF THIS WALL??? without knowing how to do a backflip#hes like 15 and he was on his schools football team but then one summer everyone came back really buff and he did not#so he doesnt play football anymore#and hes covered in bandages from all the stupid things he does#anyways in terms of designs. i had a vision for dakota and orpheus and none for vyse#dakota specifically i thought should have a long braid and one of those fucked up canadian hats. and orpheus should look like-#-a teenage boy who cant dress nice!! also his hoodie says hellhound on the back#the neon shorts are DIRECTLY ripped from the ones i got from when i did wrestling. theyre so fucking comfy btw#dakota is mostly just cold and comfy. she REFUSES to dress lighter#vyse i didnt have any real ideas for again. i wanted to make him look a bit like his namesake vyse skiesofarcadia but i wasnt sure how#in the end he got that red scarf. which i think does make him look a bit more mischevious since so much of his face is hidden#anyways theyre like a fucked up little found family!! vyse would murder for dakota and orpheus. and dakota probably does too#probably. you can never be sure if she does actually like him#oh also this is mostly irrelevant. but vyse and dakota were meant to be like later 30s (dakotas maybe 38 and vyse is 34? ish?)#and also theyre russian. vyse and dakota i mean. idk if it comes across for vyse but one of my friends guessed it with dakota so!!#idk siberian huskies. theyre russian. россия or whatever
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As a fellow Dovewing lover, it's frustrating how the fandom watered her down into a whiny brat who never cared about Ivypool. I mean, seriously? Not only did Dovewing care about her sister (reacting in horror when Lionblaze, her own mentor and Jayfeather are willing to potentially sacrifice Ivypool's safety by employing her as her spy instead of trying to get her out of the Dark Forest's clutches, hiding a thorn in her nest to cover for her scarring from her training).
Heck, even the scene where she tries to feed Ivypool her catch during a hunting patrol was demonized because 'she was trying to make Ivypool break the code like SHE does, as if it doesn't matter' and because she got upset when Ivypool started arguing with her! But you guys said she didn't care, right? Plus, people act like being forced into a prophecy is something you should be grateful for, as if it didn't irreparably change her close relationship with her sister? As if Lionblaze and Jayfeather didn't still keep her out of the loop (and for all the fussing they made about keeping it a secret, Lionblaze confesses his power to Cinderheart and Jayfeather doesn't even care).
Meanwhile Nightheart is angry he isn't orange and hates his mom for being exiled and the whole world has to stop for him. 🤪 And Bramblestar is simply so tortured by having an evil father, the only choice is to train with him and his evil half-brother and hide this from his wife! (But remember, it's bad when that witch Squirrelflight hides the parentage of the three from him, even when Blackstar and Leopardstar were still around after being complicit in the torture and killing of halfclan cats.) Why are these male characters sympathized with, even when they actively harm people (Nightheart forcing himself into Sunbeam's life by lying to everyone about being her mate without even asking her if she would be fine with that beforehand), Bramblestar (we all know what he does), but when Dovewing or any other female character is upset, people freak out and call them whiny brats or abusive for (checks notes) asking her partner if he loves her anymore after they argued multiple times in a book. Really makes you think! (Sorry this is so long, you just have based opinions!)
dovewing being characterized as this flighty airheaded vain popular girl stereotype in fanon is like. one of those biggest "we didnt actually read the books" things in the fandom. like theres so much fanart where shes grinning and giggling over the prophecy and shes besties with the trio and shes got preferential treatment, and then in the actual books shes basically the autistic kid no one actually likes. people really, REALLY overexaggerate that one scene where she snaps at ivypaw and brags. (and i dont wanna shit on amvs but i am forever side eying how the animation community handled dove back in the day. more than one person animated her getting murdered. normal.)
i do think its gotten better recently at least. but wow does it feel like at least one person on the writing team has a bone to pick
(also awww thank you <3 no need to be sorry i love getting stuff in my inbox)
#it does also feel so insidious to me just how long the bramblesquirrel conflict was painted as ''equally kind of wrong''#the ppl who put words in squilfs mouth sometimes which. btw ill get to that when i read the book#and tbf part of it is that sometimes abuse isnt as easy to spot if youre primed to the mainstream version of it#like. bramble isnt a born evil wifebeater everyone can see coming from a mile away. hes a complex guy with his own insecurities#and his own goals and people he openly cares about. and even in some fanon stuff i see ppl kinda erase that part of him#(which i wont pretend im above- ive been trying to walk that line myself)#and that doesnt match how abusers are usually percieved by the public. or in this very series.#like. the main excuse for clear sky is literally ''hes sad his sister died and tried to save her! no one changes THAT much''#anyone can be an abuser. you could be an abuser. i could be an abuser. that doesnt mean that we ARE but we are capable of it#and the thing that catches ppl off guard is that abusers are really good at hiding who they are and theyre often charming#i often hear this account of abuse that goes something like ''my parent abused me but no one believed me bc theyre nice in public''#you dont know whats going on behind closed doors. and ik this is about funny kitties at the end of the day but its quite telling#so... yeah bramble has his nice moments. hes got his GREAT moments even. i love his relationship with his mom for example#but those moments dont mean that hes not capable of being worse. of being a monster to his loved ones#its why squilf keeps getting sucked back in. hes not a one dimensional asshole. hes capable of being kind to her.#and thats what makes his disgusting moments hit so much harder#wow ok i got off topic in the tags but yknow. idk i got feelings abt this matter as someone who's experienced toxic relationships
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this is a genuine ask. any help is appreciated.
does anyone seeing this know how to make friends, or to facilitate that sort of thing? what sort of events or communal things to go to, how to talk to people, what do you... do. about this. i suppose i have a bit of a skewed perspective, because it truly just seems like this sort of thing comes naturally, but either it simply doesn't, or it just doesn't for me?
i'm referring to in person connections first and foremost, because i feel the most inept there, but i also think i don't know very much in an online space either. how do you find people? talk to them? reach out? it feels like everyone i've ever known has just happened upon me and made the first step, and i just went along with it because i do want people to talk to!!!
any steps to take or places to go or concrete advice to give would be appreciated.
#tide of consciousness#maybe i should tag this so random people could see it but idek how you would do that#so i guess this question is just for anyone following me who sees it :((#trying to look up events in my town i can go to even if just to go Do something and stop being inside all the time.#but im worried ill go and learn nothing and come back to the same situation#i know this should be simple and probably is simpler than im making it out to be
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the yearning to be part of something big and celebrated for your ideas but also. you dont have any ideas and youve never been part of something very big.
#yearning above one’s means#id love to make something beautiful and admirable. but see the thing is i dont know if ill ever be the person who can#make something as lovely as i’d like#i’d like to make a game or experience or writing or art that when someone sees it brings joy into their life#but then i dont know hardly any of the steps to getting there#so am i just prideful over nothing then? to want this and not have progress for it? am i just chai hifirush cant play guitar rockstar?#i just see like. zines popping up in fandoms im in every so often and then theyre already wrapped up and done when i can even consider-#-applying to join and its. how do i get an in? what am i missing? who is starting this that i just dont know? do i have to make it myself?#but when i start stuff myself i dont reach anyone anyways. because so few people see what i make and fewer follow and fewer come back#and on toyhouse i post bulletins ill draw free stuff and i dont think anyone who subscribes to me wants bulletins from me bc theyre 0 comme#-ts so. so what do i. i dont know the people and nobody knows me where do i go#personal vent#long tags#if i just suck and dont make anything worthwhile id rather hear that and know thats why#than keep thinking the stuff i do make is cool and making it and wondering why nobody else thinks its cool. cause hardly anyone sees it
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hey guys
#vent#just... gimmie a sec im gonna put it in the tags i cant find the readmore on my phone rn#im havin a straight up not good time but not the worst in the house!#the worst is my cat. whose old and dying. and i have no money to put to sleep to fuckin put us both outta this misery#typical. she cant get a heart attack and go fast like my moms dog#shes gotta wail and be ill for a month while im recovering from one surgery and trying to get ready for the next#its also an amazing time for my ocd that i learned i have from artists on hear explaining what it is to send me into spirals#over germs. but shes just 20 with teeth and respiratory issues her whole life and been struggling with constipation#so i KNOW how shes dying. shes backed up and hungry and dehydrated but feeling bloated still and not eating or drinking.#shes probably got arthritis and has been moving like a geriatric for a while but its to the point now she wont even lay down. shes just#perched on a pile of towels in the bathroom dozing and occasionally crying for me to come pet her. im so fuckin tired#and theres nothing i can do! the vet i could find a timeslot for in a reasonable time said 500$. so thats cool. im paying 1000$ for me in#a week for my stuff and its just. god all she and i are doing is crying and it sucks ass#she wants company for comfort and i dont blame her - so the fuck do i!#but i cant sit in the bathroom with her my damn legs keep going numb. and my roomate 1) cant emotionally buoy me thru this#and 2) has a long work day tomorrow and its already mad late. sigh#dont try to offer me condolences ive worked thru her dying already its just now we're botb exhausted in the form its taking#if anything i just need another distraction to keep me from spiraling over something again#edit: ARUGH AND THE OTHER CAT THROWING UP IN THE OTHER ROOM. GOD DAMN IT#the younger one has so many allergies and wont stop fucking eating things off the floor babygirl i am BEDRIDDEN you gotta stop eating shit#off the floor!!!!!!!! you have specialty food for a reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#awesome it was right in my bed
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taylor idk who chappell roan is i think that makes me disqualified from being queer forever (←sapphic girl)
She's a musical artist! She's pretty up-and-coming right now and is seen as a wlw queer icon in the music industry, but I've never been able to get into her music even though tons of other sapphics love it. I probably just haven't given it enough of a chance. Casual is a good song though!
#big ol' personal opinions disclaimer down here in the tags. also lisia this is soooo unrelated to your question sorry lol#i also kind of hate a very specific subset of chapelle fans and i can't listen to her without thinking of them dkjfsdkjfnkdsf#which is a really stupid reason to not listen to her music and i know it but alas brains work in weird ways#i don't judge her by her fans! but i just have that tainted association. like how sometimes you feel ill after eating something#and even if that didn't cause you to be sick- you still refuse to eat it afterwards? it's like that#it's not her. she did literally nothing wrong. it's just an unfortunate little brain link that i can't get rid of#saw a couple of fans talking about toxic bisexuals and their 'inferiority complex' and that put me off of her music as a whole tbh#in regards to debates about her sexuality#one was talking about how bisexuals 'marry the patriarchy'.#quote-'bisexuals have freddy mercury. that alone is all you need' :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) i'm going to bite someone.#it's like these few specific fans were tailor made to put me off of her#unfortunately i have not gotten past that yet but if i ever can undo that brain association and enjoy her music i will let yall know ksdjks#unfortunately as of right now i am programmed to see her name and think of the (probably very few) jackasses in her fandom#just kinda made me feel unwelcome when i was trying out her music a bit more sadly#it was never her as an artist or a person. just a few idiots but it was enough#idk. i should try again though. chapelle fans. which songs should i try to start again with?#anyways i should probably stop swinging the bat at the biphobia nest lest it come back to bite me but dkjfdksjf yeah tldr she's a musician#a very talented one! just one that i cannot enjoy quite yet. i hope i can kinda defrost about it though
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chaos and balance- the capsize
"i don't think you understand what's actually happening here. If you'd just open your bloody fucking eyes, it's pretty obvious."
Chaos and Balance is a narrative playlist that basically comprises, in a chronological order, my headcanon for the progression of cTom Syndicate and cJordan's relationship through the course of S1, S2, the divorce arc (post-canon part 1), Mianitian Isles and the Aftermath (post-canon part 2, aka Gays on A Boat, Aitheaca, etc.) It started mainly because I really love the potential of using music to tell stories, and how lyrics can be representative of feelings seldom expressed any other way- based on both canon moments, moments I've interpreted as significant to their relationship/overall arcs, and little interludes I've written that take place in between episodes/"off camera" that connect things together in my head. All this being said, it is primarily headcanons, and is purely for fun. dont like dont read lmao
This specific being how keeping in the canon nonsense of capsize x jordan plays a role in cSyndisparklez from my pov :] enjoy!
(Red lyrics are representative of Jordan’s voice, green is Tom! Bolded black is both of them)
The shenanigans of Capsize happen just after falling for the villain,
in which Jordan is forced internally for the first time to come to terms with the fact that yes, he is in love with his friend/enemy/however you wanna put it. Despite how much he annoys him, despite all of his questionable behavior, despite it all, he has fallen head over heels for this absolute bastard of a man, and hates to admit it, but deep down has longed for a kind of affection that he could have.
I'll take my timeI'm not the forward thinker; you read my mind-
But a part of him still remains hesitant, and for one reason or another, refuses to give in, to openly admit it to not just others but himself. It’s at this point (I’ve written in) that Tom’s kissed him twice. The first, just a little peck on the lips he was able to brush off as a joke, just a hahaa ok cool bro that's funny. But the second time, as a cheap play by the zombie to get a purge kill having already caught the Ianitee off guard. It's irritating for sure, to have him weasel his way into free points by taking advantage of a distraction that worked a little too well, but why could he not get it out of his head? It hadn’t felt so wrong, actually, and… he had almost hoped it had been genuine. If it had been genuine, maybe he would have returned the gesture.
Better to leave it unsaidWhy can't I leave it unsaid
Instead they dance around it in banter, blathering on and on to one another in often complete nonsense, refusing to address what’s really on his mind. (You know I talk too much) He could confess, sure. But what happens then? All the meanwhile, Tom is scared he’s losing him. (As I hold your face, I can't find the words I need, and soon the opportunity is drowning)
Never someone all that good with words, he kind of hopes that Jordan will catch on. He has to catch on, sooner or later.. Right?Z
And then Capsize and the Ianitee pirates show up. To Jordan, it seems like she’s interested in him beyond him just being another follower of Ianite, and there’s his escape. Play along, play the part and maybe- maybe he’ll get over this.
You know my type, tightrope across the table I can't keep holding my breath
She seems to be into it. She’s responding to his flirting at least. See. He doesn’t need Tom. An Ianitee and another Ianitee seems more acceptable to him in his head, and maybe would be easier. That about, he’s not really sure.
New wave, no time Red velvet under pressure
But what Jordan does know is that he’s drawn to her. To him, it could be a way to forget about Tom. To the varied onlooker, it could just be that he’s happy to have another Ianitee around. Someone who can relate to his experience, someone who’s out to find their goddess just as much as he wants to. But he continues to conflate the two and pursue her in a way that he won’t realize for years is less than ideal.
It sparks my memory when we parked aside the shore, I kissed you there, the ocean air enchanting It escapes me quickly
Tom on the other hand, is for lack of a better word furious. Not in like a “I’m gonna murder this pirate captain for stealing my man” (because if he’s honest she’s one of the coolest people he’s met and he’s gonna befriend her whether Jordan likes it or not, with him claiming it to be ‘Mr. steal your gal’ which is??? Because does it really seem like he wants Capsize, if not as a spiteful thing)
When Jordan’s not around, Tom and Capsize hit it off, as she finds this zombie who doesn’t want to flirt with her at any given moment a lot more of an interesting person. As a Dianitee, he’s supposed to be their enemy, but for someone so supposedly dedicated to his god, he knows how to carve his own path away from being more than his god’s messenger- something she’s always admired in champions.
You call me poison, but you won't stop coming around- No, you won't stop coming around
For the purpose of perhaps getting Jordan to get the hint, Tom plays into their supposed love triangle, pretending to do things to ‘steal away Capsize’, only feeding into Jordan’s confusion. *Now Tom’s interested in her too? Is he trying to move on from me too? *- clearly to dense to realize Tom’s trying to get his attention back. She even admits to Tom that it's amusing that men seem to keep coming after her, when she’s very much more into women (abridged, but direct quote)
All I want is you- Your violet disposition, My unsound intuition
It all sort of culminates in that moment on Jordan’s ship where Tom, annoyed from his perch, watches his friend make an absolute fool of himself over Capsize, and decides to intervene, taking on the role of “fighting” Jordan over her. Capsize in a way is having a good laugh watching them roll around on the deck of the ship (I’ve drawn this, this is where it all started), starting to see it all sort of come together as to where Jordan could be coming from. At some point, Tom’s got Jordan pinned to the deck, and as one last desperate attempt at trying to communicate what he’s been trying to all along, he kisses Jordan, and much to his surprise, he kisses him back. They pull away, to Capsize’s approving nods, and it's all over.
(Jordan’s attempts at saving this are my interpretation of this conversation, aka one of my favorite chat threads of S1)
In the aftermath of all of that (If I had any semblance of a memory I’d pinpoint when exactly this interlude takes place, but im just ballparking it somewhere after Jordan dies in Tom’s vault bc Capsize doesn’t save him); in which he’s still thinking about what happened that day. Jordan reluctantly confronts Tom who spills it all. He tells him how much and how long he’s been in love with him, and how frustrated it made him that every time he kissed Jordan, Jordan never seemed to reciprocate no matter how obvious his feelings were. He’s tried so hard to make it clear that all he wants is Jordan, he wants to be loved back, he wants to be able to call him his lover. He did what he did in front of Capsize cause the fake ass courting set him over the edge because it pissed him off that Jordan would so quickly go after someone he just met just because she was an Ianitee or whatever to get away from him, because was he really that bad that Jordan had to try to hard to stay away from him? Tom knows he had himself to blame as well, but it felt like a step too far.
Always been looking for something to lose, when I needed something to hold onto.
(This sequence is followed by Pull Me Up, which. If you haven’t seen my CMV that’s the one xD)
Note. For my sanity I choose to perceive that any capsize x jordan moments following are more related to Jordan’s ‘holiest of all Ianitees’ attitude and feeling like he has to be her savior (which is a different aspect of his character arc from the romantic side, which is what I mostly wanted to focus on with this ramble, but i do touch on it a little. It's not as ever present as it could be because I haven’t found the right song to incorporate it into outside of Violet and Talk Too Much) But there is definitely more. This is from what i have notated in my stuff for these two sequences :] enjoy!
#FUCK#ok i finally finished this just. dont worry about typos#no beta we die like men#i had to use markdown for this because the colors on tumblr are atrocious im sorry#lafakiwi writes#syndisparklez#mianite by a gay man#chaos and balance- the story of syndicate and sparklez#no main tags for obvious reasons#characters. its fine yall dont need em#this doesnt need to b sorted into my character tags#if i forgot to expand on something ill add it back in later#put a read more bc this is technically 3 google docs pages worth of stuff its fine#song: talk too much by COIN#song: violet by bad suns#songfic#(?)#sorta#not really a fic tho#i dont know if i actually pickd up o what im supposed to but i can ensure all of this comes back into play in gays on a bat
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never in my life did i think i need to makeout with a piece of software so badly but here we are i guess
#lizzy speaks#OK IM BEING OVERDRAMATIC AND I WOULD ELABORATE BUT I NEED TO SLEEP BUT#DO YOU EVER JUST#FUCK !!!!!!#IVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY TO COME ACROSS A PIEC EOF SOFTWARE#i need to fiddle around with it some more but everything ive seen about it is MIND BLOWING to me#ive been waiting my entire life for this moment i think#i feel like it's funnier if i don't say what the software is. i wanna be mysterious so bad but i cannot shut the fuck up#literally been suffering through notetaking and organization softwares and im like ohh i think i finally found the one#this is the minecraft of sex i think its like wowza i can finally do all those writing projects i want to do#boys (me) don't want girls they want an organized database of notes that they can easily reference at anytime#sorry for being unhinged but like its like past midnight lol im sure i'll wake up in the morning and be like 'what the FUCK were you doing'#BUT!!! i think ill come back to this post to reblog it with like actual shit about the software when i figure out how i want to use it#i think everyone should experience joys in life. and sometimes that joy is having organized notes#bonus points if anyone can figure out what im talking about just from the tags alone i think this software will change my life#it has fucking tag functionality i literally love tags#sorry about the vocabulary but this rivals like. my love of spreadsheets. which are like. a wonderful thing i think but ANYWAY IM RAMBLING#anyways goodnight i wish you all on the dash a very lovely evening i just needed to share this because im so overjoyed right now o7#if you have a software that you really like thats changed you feel free to tell me in the tags or something :) i like learning new things
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Starting to wonder if I have bipolar but then I would literally have almost every mental illness. Like fr I'm not kidding you, I'm a collector and I never chose this
#it does run in my family since my mom had it#i just wonder because while im almost always suicidal the way that prevents itself can greatly change very quickly#like periodically ill be stuck to my bed very sad very mopy for like 3 weeks to 3 months#and then sudden i get this burst of false energy that is actually severe restlessness#and i NEED to do something when that happens. sometimes i just cannot sleep because ive gotta do something#sometimes i frantically draw or write and ill have these moments where i feel ecstatic and when i come back to normal levels of sadness#im convinced i mustve been delusional to think the thoughts that i had then#usually the sadness isnt as bad during those periods but the suicidality is much worse actually because i become very frantic#and have so much more energy#idk. my theory thus far has been either 1) adhd causing mood dysregulation and hyperactivity#2) fluctuations in my depression and anxiety combating each other. actually both of these.#or 3) DID. just DID. i think thats lretty self explanatory#the interesting thing is that i think what i described with point 1 and 2 would be clinically considered bipolar...?#listen clinicians dont always consider the other factors that contribute to what symptoms the person is having#especially in psychology where the lines are very blurry since diagnosis tends to be made on behavioral observations#and also on self reported symptoms.i suspect im one of the only people who would describe symptoms like 'im having x because i have y'#and not just 'im having x symptom'#skfjfh sorry to everyone who reads my tags 👍 psychology special interest go brr
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Essentially what it is all boiling down to is I have fully realized I am bad at being a person, that will always be true, and I don’t know how to handle that
#I’m going to be depressing and self depreciating in the tags so. fair warning to anyone who reads them#I’ve known for a while now that I don’t know what to do with my life. I’ve thought of a few ideas but none of them seem to be working. and I#think a good chunk of what it’s boiling down to is that I am quite literally just stupid when it comes to an actual useful real life skills.#and it’s frustrating because I can’t even talk to ppl I know and confide in them that I feel dumb and stupid without them being like ‘nooooo#don’t say that! you’re not stupid! you were top of your class in hs!’ (that is their favorite thing to fall back on) but like. the thing is#I wasn’t even smart in hs. sure I did good but that’s because I cheated my way through and got lucky a lot. I never actually learned anythin#I never understood what I was being taught or how to apply it. I was good at English and art classes and that was it those were the only one#I truly felt I knew what I was doing in and grasped the subject matter well. I know I’m good at those two things and smart when it comes to#those subjects. but the thing is. in real life. both of those are useless skills. I can’t make money with them and it is highly unlikely#that will ever change. and yes I know not being able to make money with it doesn’t mean it’s useless but like it kinda does. capitalism#sucks. I know that. we all do. but that doesn’t change that we live in a capitalist society and it’s unlikely to actual change in my lifetim#so I’m stuck to try and figure out how to live in it. but I have no skills I can make money with so I will live my entire life poor and#miserable and working dead end jobs that make me want to kill myself. I’m not good at socialization I’m so fucking bad at it so I can’t work#any kind of job that hinges on networking or sales or human interaction which is MOST JOBS but I’m also too stupid for anything related to#STEM. I tried two different stem degrees and flunked out of both of them because I am a FUCKING IDIOT and I know there’s no point in trying#to go back to school for another one. but no degree in anything I naturally have a knack for will help me find a decent well paying job. ill#just be wasting my money to go to school for something like that. and then like. I don’t even think I’ll ever get married and I def won’t#ever have kids. so I can’t even put any hopeful stock in just being happy with a family one day. I know a lot of ppl who don’t like their#careers but they’re fine with that because they’re happy with their family but like I don’t even have that and I won’t ever have that. I#have NOTHING to strive for and NOTHING I am good at that’s meaningful I’m going to fail at having a career and a family and I know that#doesn’t mean I won’t be happy in theory but by societal standards I am and always will be a fucking failure of a person and since I do live#in this society yeah. it’s kinda fucking true. and I don’t know what to do about that. I’m just tired. I’m tired of being afraid and#struggling and going through patches of wanting to kill myself because of this because like what’s the point. I’ll never have anything#better so what in the actual hell is the point of me existing. and I know I’m being ridiculous and my brain is eating itself and none of#this is probably even true but that doesn’t change that it FEELS like it is a lot of times and esp right now and I don’t know what to do#to anyone who reads this I’ll be fine tbh prob as soon as tomorrow like dw about it I just need to get it out so I stop stewing in it.#I’m just. yeah. not having a great time rn but I left work so I’m gonna cry and then maybe sleep for a bit and hope that helps#kaz rambles
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ok Heres some thoughts now that im not stupidly sleepy anymore. i like thinking about dreamys first encounter with miles after entering his universe, freshly mutated and not having any real idea of whats going on, confused as fuck. so they see spiderman on the news and go “shit, thats the guy i gotta talk to, how the FUCK do i get in contact with him” and then IM THINKING they do something very silly and dramatic which is to stage a crime like an armed robbery or something so hell show up, then as soon as hes there they drop the weapon or whatever and go “oh good it worked. sorry about scaring everyone i just needed to talk to spiderman for a second ill find some way to pay for therapy if anyone needs it after this” and then telling him about their own powers so he can help
#cherry chats#dreamy 🌃#ahhh wait fuck. just realized i should change that tag fo have an emoji in case anyone follows the dreamy tag#augh. hold on. brb#dont read this post yet its not finished. ill come back and say more stuff in the tags in like 10 minutes or smth#OK BACK!!!!! i have more shit on dreamy now that idk if ive said before#their relationship with liv in their original dimension has over time morphed into the WORST fwb deal in the whole world#liv has become so incredibly manipulative and actually downright obsessed w them. idk how that happened#she tries to prevent them from talking to anyone shes jealous she has tantrums shes admitted the true nature of the collider project and its#ties to kingpin etc etc#shes absolutely crazy over there. and i LOVE it#she thinks she can manipulate dreamy They manipulate her right back. theyre sooooo fucked up <3#and they came to miles’ dimension not by choice but as a result of the accident. spider society hates them because theyre anomalous#and also Erm a shit hero. by spider society standards#they have nothing more than just a vague feeling and fleeting memories and strange dreams from their original dimension#theyve tried looking themself up in alchemax personnel files but finding nothing‚ because in 1610 they never worked there#so their memories dont add up with the reality around them which is obviously. SOO fucking frustrating#also. news on powers. their extra eyes have nightvision and their fangs have a temporarily paralyzing venom 👍#they dont know that for sure though. they havent run any tests because they would need a living subject for that and the way they found out#in the first place was accidentally biting their tongue. so they dont know for sure how the venom works#but i know. and its paralyzing The effect is less for them since its their venom but still potent enough to cause irritation#like. when they bit their tongue it stiffened and tensed up for awhile but no numbing#if it bit someone else it would have a marginally stronger effect#and umm……. umm. well actually maybe thats all#after their vanishing in their home dimension shit fell apart over there#both liv and ohnn were distraught and tried looking for them but eventually gave up#theyre gone for years before they manage to find home after all…….. they just assume theyd been offed or something#so umm. i think thats it 😁 i love dreamy i think theyr great#still not sure what their home dimension is called though. i like 8084 but im not sure#so yay My spidey baby Teehee ^__^ i like thinking about their lore a lot ithink its fun
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