#ill never be able to forget the interview

[inhidingxoxo3637]

🗺🐐⭐️ for the motogp ask game

Thank u 4 de questions pookie

As I already answered all the questions I will give my second opinions on them >:)))

!!!!!!!! This post has very long tags b warned!!!!!!

🗺️ fav circuit (og answer Lusail+Philip Island)

I know it's 50/50 as to whether the race gets gapped and is boring but I do adore Aragon <33333 it held my fav 2020 rounds and ofc in 2022 Acosta won the M2 race there <3

🐐 GOAT rider (og answer; objectively Rossi but I think Stoner was a bit mental too)

Don't have a new answer but I want to say Jeremy Burgess [[a mechanic who worked w Wayne Gardner big man Doohan and ofc Rossi]] was a beast !!! I'm biased BC my dad absolutely adores him but I genuinely believe without him Rossi wouldn't have been as successful as he ended up being !

⭐ fav world champion (og answer; Mir)

My top fav riders are Mir n Acosta n they are both WDC's I could say loads about their titles but nothing actually worth reading so I shall talk about Mr F.Bag : F.Bag's title was so wonderful??? Breaking records and being the first non Japanese manufacturer rider to win a title in MotoGP for FIFTEEN (15!!!) Years????? Love to see it!!

Also not to sound like a loser on main but I do like listening to Omen by The Prodigy n think about everything Stoner+Pecco's titles !!

[boiohboii]

The Spaniard's Wife (Carlos Sainz x wife!reader)

Inspired by @charles-eclair16 's fic

Carlos Sainz had a secret for the past 9 years, but when he forgot to take off the one thing that can reveal everything, everyone has questions

or

in which Carlos let's everyone know that the rumors, in fact, are true

masterlist

N.B: didn't turn out how I wanted but I've been rewriting it multiple times and I think this is the best option, hope you like it...WARNINGS: swear words a lot, not proof read, spelling mistakes and really bad photoshop tbh, if I missed anything please let me know!

Faceclaim: Emeraude Toubia

Liked by Charles_leclerc, danielricciardo, landonorris and 910,583 others

Carlossainz55: my wife and I have been friends for 20 years, we have been lovers for 13 of those years, engaged for 2 and married for 9. I have never been sure of much, but I am sure that I love her with my entire heart, I will always love her. I have known yn since before I could even dream of being an f1 driver, what happened in that one interview was disrespectful and just disgusting. No one has any right to speak any ill word of my wife, you don't know her and you never will, as long as she doesn't want you to. I will do everything for her, for her happiness, her comfort and for her ease of mind.

landonorris: tell yn I miss her!

Carlossainz55: leave her alone

landonorris: I'll tell her that you're rude to me

Carlossainz55: she's my wife!

landonorris: yeah yeah, you never let us forget it

username: yn been here since day 0 apparently, can't fight her now

username: YES!! CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO LOVERS!

username: I want dts to make a reincarnation of their love story

username: we need a spinoff

username: yes! It'd be so cute

username: I can't imagine 16 year old carlos realising he is in love with his friend

username: she is every man's wet dream

-this comment has been removed-

username: she looks so pretty wtf

username: she's looks like a doll

username: wish i looked like that at 20 years old

username: her dress is phenomenal

username: this screams money

username: 2 different cars for a wedding

username: the third slide, holy shit

username: I wouldn't be surprised if the last 2 pictures are carlos' or her house, like holy fuck

username: both scream rich

username: mum used to say rich people look it and I never gave it much thought until I saw carlos sainz and now his wife

username: did y'all see the picture that one twitter user took? Their outfits looked so fucking good

username: YES! I SAW IT! I could never afford a thread on either outfit!

username: did you guys see her hair! It looks so thick and healthy

username: fr!

username: I want a wedding like that!

username: I want a husband like that!

username: I want a wife like that!

username: I love how he is not in one single picture 💀😂

Liked by danielricciardo, landonorris, Pierregasly and 1,209,316 others

Carlossainz55: 10 years since i was able to call you wife, and I will never get tired of letting everyone know that. I am in love with you, forever and always.

Charles_leclerc: simp

Carlossainz55: I don't know what that means

landonorris: ikr, it's laughable man @.Charles_leclerc

Charles_leclerc: don't pretend like you're not the same with your girl @.landonorris

username: damn charles really coming for everyone's neck today

username: bet charles is the biggest simp of them

username: he really making us feel lonely as hell huh

username: 10 fucking years, Holy shit!

username: no cause if I had yn by my side I too would be in fucking love

username: don't embarrass yourself, everyone knows you're in love without her by your side

username: I didn't ask to be attacked like that wtf

[canonicallyobserving911]

Eddie Diaz’s Severe Case of Convenient Amnesia

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

New Buddie Fanfic - This is my response to that wacky "Vertigo" storyline because I hated it and I wish TM would have written something better for Eddie.

Eddie Diaz’s Severe Case of Convenient Amnesia - Eddie’s been intentionally blocking parts of his memory for a while and it’s gotten so bad that he only remembers certain things about his marriage. However, after his son decided he’d rather live with Eddie’s parents in El Paso, he has conversations with his family and after each one, the puzzle pieces he forgot, begin to fall back into place. Once he faces and accepts the truth, how will it affect his future with Buck?

Eddie Diaz’s Severe Case of Convenient Amnesia

27.4K Words; Rated: Teen and Up Audiences

___________

Here's a snippet from a conversation Eddie has with his aunt Pepa.

___________

“Tía, I have so many questions for Shannon that she’ll never be able to answer because she’s gone.  She was a perfect mother…”

She decides to interrupt him because that’s not accurate.  “Eddie, I don’t like to speak ill of the dead but Shannon wasn’t a perfect mother.  First of all, there’s no such thing as a perfect mother because all of us learn as we go, it’s part of the parenting process.  Shannon left you and Chris in El Paso and she didn’t call either of you for almost two years.  The only reason why the two of you talked then was because you needed her to interview at Chris' school and you had to initiate the contact.”

He vigorously shakes his head no because he refuses to believe Shannon did anything wrong.  It’s why he’s been taking the blame for everything that happened.  “But I messed everything up.  If I wouldn’t have gone to the Army or if I wouldn’t have reenlisted she would still be in El Paso with us and Chris would have his mother.”

She shakes her head no, too.  “Eddie, it seems like you have a severe case of convenient amnesia.”

He tilts his head to the side.  “Tía, I’m an EMT and I’ve never heard of that.  What is it?”

“Well, it’s when someone intentionally forgets something and they twist the facts so they won’t be proven wrong and I’m here to tell you, you’re wrong about your relationship with her.  Don’t you remember, Shannon left you and Chris because she wanted to but you’re taking the blame for all of it when even in death, she should be given some of the responsibility.”

How many conversations will Eddie have with his family members? 🤷🏽‍♀️

Will he finally start to realize he's blocked all the bad stuff about his marriage to Shannon out of his mind? 😜

Will Chris return to L.A.? 👀

How will Eddie's conversation with Buck end? 🙃

___________

Now available on AO3

[moonshynecybin]

re: marc would not be a housewife MAYBE CONTROVERSIAL but idc everyone can have their own interpretations in rpf but ME PERSONALLY i can never get behind like. marc having kids *in the middle of his racing career* specifically. or when he’s older but still capable of fighting for the championship. like no he’s not making a sacrifice like that are you kidding me. insert that tweet mpreg fics forget abortion exists. like kill that thing patrick

FOR REAL ! i’m actually torn on of marc would wanna be pregnant period. like during his racing career absolutely not no fucking way. mabortion. while he’s INJURED? super long pt journey? not racing anyways? MAYBE. one of my most beloved little rosquez melodramas is ill- advised 2020 hookup that compounds everyone’s misery when marc pees on a stick and it’s positive. double whammy of his body not feeling like HIS anymore… all those interviews he gave in 2021 of trying to feel like the old marc…. but even THEN i’m not sure bc it might make his pt take even longer and i think he’d nix it for the sake of time…. he’s very aware that his career is short and could be ended at any moment ! diplopia really solidified that for him from a young age !!!! and then i think he’d just really hate being pregnant lol. like maybe this stems from me projecting cause the entire process seems CRAZY to me but. he likes to be able to DO things he loves being flexible he loves doing dangerous stuff he starts acting like an ANIMAL in a CAGE when he’s not allowed to ride and i think it’s just stone cold a miserable experience for him until he pops that baby out and is immediately obsessed with her. like he would love that baby soooo much i’m VERY sure he’d enjoy being a parent and having a little valemarc crazyass clone but. the havok pregnancy wreaks on your body not so much.

[hoshinamylove]

HyunLuka: Ice skating

“Ice skating?” Hyuna spluttered out as she stared at Mizi in disbelief. “In this weather? Are you trying to get hypothermia?”

Mizi just giggled “It’s not that bad! Me, Sua, Ivan, Till and Luka are going tomorrow! You have to come” She flashed a bright smile her way before topping it off with a light chuckle

Ice skating huh? It didn’t seem too bad of an idea. Sure Hyuna has never been before but how hard could it be? Bonus, Luka was going aswell. Hyuna smirked at the idea of Luka falling face flat onto the ice and laughed to herself. 

“Alright I’ll come.”

*

So the day came. Hyuna and Ivan decided to meet up together and make their way to the rink together. Apparently Ivan’s had booked the whole rink for them for about 3 hours so they had a lot to time to spare.

“Look at you throwing your money around like that. Tch, tch, tch. What would your parents think” Hyuna teaser and twirled a strand of her hair. Ivan only scoffed in responses.

“They probably won’t even notice the difference” He replied confidently as he walked over and opened the door for Hyuna to go thought first.

“Rich ass.” She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes before stepping inside with Ivan following behind her. 

Walking in they had already spotted Sua talking to one of the staff members. She was smiling and laughing as the women handed her a pair of skates. Sua was about to turn back around until she spotted Hyuna and Ivan and gave them a little wave before walking over to them.

“Here you guys are! What took you so long? Everyone is already here.” 

She put her arms behind her back and tilted her head to the side waiting for a response.

“I woke up late.” The brunette responds blandly. “I forget we were going ice skating and didn’t set off an alarm.”

Sua only laughed and turned to Ivan who was scratching the back of his neck. “My farther interviewed me on where I was going.” Ivan replied bashfully. He always seemed shy or embarrassed to talk about his parents. It was still unknown to why.

“Well at least you made it! Come on everyone is in the locker rooms. Ill grab you both a pair of skates.” She chirped before running back to the women who was now sitting behind a counter and typing away on a computer.

Hyuna yelled out a thanks before grabbing Ivan’s wrist and dragging him to the locker rooms. Ivan let out a little yelp from being shoved along so suddenly, but followed along nothing less.

Hyuna threw the door open notifying everyone of hers and Ivan’s arrival. All heads turned to them. 

Hyuna tossed her bag onto one of the benches before being pulled into a hug. A flash of pink invaded her vision as she smiled.

“You made it! Took you awhile.” Mizi exclaimed in her usual cheery tone.

“Yeah sorry for the wait. Woke up a little later than planned” she scratched the back of her head as Luka walked up to them as well. 

“Hows Hyunwoo?” Luka asks with a subtle tilt to his head. Hyuna perks up at the name of her brother and grins. 

“He is doing well! He misses you though, you gotta visit some time soon” she added a little wink which caught Luka off guard but he didn’t let it show.

Luka let out a light and airy chuckle and walked back to his locker and started messing with some of the stuff in there.

The door opens again but this time it was less harsh from when Hyuna did. The angle herself, Sua emitted from the door holding three pairs of skates. She did look like she was struggling.

Mizi rushed over and took a few from here while also planting a kiss onto her forehead.

“Skates for Hyuna and Ivan!” Sua called out to them. Hyuna was busy observing Ivan who was peppering kisses onto a very flustered Till.

After receiving their skates. Everyone made their way out of the locker room and into the main area where the rink was placed. There were a few gasped from some people on about how big it was and a mutter from Till talking about how Ivan’s rich ass was able to afford this.

Mizi didn’t waste anytime in gliding onto the ice and dragging Sua along with her. They both wobbled a bit but steadied themself by holding onto the edge of the rink. A few laughs emitted from them and everyone else.

Hyuna was about to go on as well until someone stepped In front of her and kneeled down. She lowered her gaze to see a batch of blonde hair facing downwards. Luka was fixing the mess of laces on her skates.

“You’re gonna trip a fall. Not that I wouldn’t find it amusing but I’d rather not have to spend our day out at the hospital.” Luka laughed. It was a perfect laugh. So delicate. It was like honey being stirred into a warm cup of milk. It was a drug and Hyuna was abdicated.

“Alright pretty boy. Sure you don’t just want an excuse to get on your knees for me” she teases with a wink and stuck her tongue out a bit. Luka didn’t respond and stood up and turned away from her. There was the faintest tint of pink at the peak of his ears and Hyuna smirked, praising herself.

She looked over at the rink again and Sua and Mizi had moved down a bit further and Ivan was ushering Till to get onto the ice but he refused.

Eventually Ivan hauled Till onto there who yelled which alerted all the staff members. Luka had assured them that nothing was wrong before they all resumed back to what they were doing.

Till’s face was flushed red from embarrassment as Ivan laughed and held onto his forearms. Till was clinging onto Ivan for dear life. Even the smallest of movement had him letting out little yelps. 

Hyuna huffed out a laugh before clutching onto Luka’s wrist and jumping onto the ice resulting in her almost toppling over. 

Luka was already laughing as he gracefully stepped on with a little spin to his movements aswell. Hyuna scoffed, that show off.

“Alright pretty boy. We get it you’re good!” She rolled her eyes pretending not to be impressed as she carefully made her way to the edge of the rink to grab onto something. She turned back to face the other male who had a piss taking smirk plastered onto his face. 

“Don’t know how to skate?” He laughed and Hyuna couldn’t help but flush a little.

“I can. I’m just- WOAH!” She screamed out in surprise as Luka hauled her forward. He had one hand on her waist and the other interwined with hers. 

“Ill guide you.” He looked up at her, a reminder that there was a clear height difference between the two. Hyuna presented a small grin as she looked down at the shorter male

Those thoughts quickly left her head as soon as they had came because Luka started moving and gliding side to side with Hyuna who was trying to not trip over her own feet. She tightened her grip on Luka’s hand and shoulder then tried to steady herself.

Looking around the rink. Sua looked like she was teaching Mizi simple movements. Like how to move forwards and backwards. Also how to stop. While Ivan was holding both of Tills hands as he skated backwards. Of course Ivan was good at this stuff. 

Hyuna whipped her head towards Luka after a sudden harsh movement which almost caused them to fall backwards if it weren’t for luka stabilising them.

“Bastard! What was that for huh?” She groaned and lightly hit his chest. Or well that seemed lightly to her. Luka buckled backwards, letting go of Hyuna and clutching onto his chest. She had knocked the air out of him.

She glided her feet forward just a bit to get closer to Luka to inspect him. “Shit sorry. Dewey and Issac keep telling me to stop doing that..” she sulked but lowered her head a bit to get a better look at Luka’s face which was red.

He brushed it off snd straightened himself. “Don’t worry about it. Lets just continue.” He offers her a soft and heart warming smile which Hyuna only grins at before taking his hand.

The two skate around for a bit. Occasionally bumping into the others.

Luka had eventually let go of Hyuna as she was able to move on her own. He was staring at her face and how concentrated it was. However he hadn’t noticed the slightly bump in the ice which caused him to trip backwards only for Hyuna to lunge forward and wrap her arms around Luka’s waist to stop him from toppling over. 

Before Luka could say anything Hyuna spun them around and moved her hands to the small of his back, twisted his shoulders then dipped him.

Hyuna looked down at him with a smirk that spoke everything. Luka was absolutely ruined because of this women.

“I though I was the one leading this session” he coughed trying to cover up how flustered he was but failed quite miserably. Hyuna straightened herself and placed her hand onto Luka’s waist and the other intertwined with his fingers.

“I prefer to be in charge” she gave him another wink and oh god was he far gone

Luka only winked back as he was being led by Hyuna. The movements were a bit less gentle and elegant from when Luka was leading but it was impressive for someone who had just started skating a few minutes ago. Just another reason why Luka was so ruined for her.

[merge-conflict]

✒️ writer interview tag

tagged by @luvwich 😼 and definitely didn't forget about this for almost a week

When did you start writing?

I think I was writing self-insert naruto fanfiction when I was 12 lol. After high school I stopped writing for about ten years, and finally picked it up again in 2020 when I was unemployed.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I don't think so- I mostly read SFF but everything I read that I like ends up thrown into my writing in some way or another. I've been wanting to expand into maybe not other themes/genres but other forms of writing? Games writing has a lot of interesting things like handling branching paths & worldbuilding/contextual/found note stuff that I think I would enjoy but I'm not quite there yet.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

No one has ever compared me to writers that I'm aware of and there's no one that I specifically emulate. However after writing a fair amount and then re-reading some of my favored books I can see where I've picked up bits of style. Recently I noticed some stuff from Gillian Flynn and Ann Leckie that I realize I do in my writing as well. I guess for me it's less emulating or channeling a writer than wanting to use one of their tools that I admire, if that makes sense?

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I don't have a writing space per se. When I was really ill I wrote in bed, sometimes I write in my home office. Sometimes I'm standing, sitting, laying down. Most often I have a little lap desk and I'll be in the living room on the couch, either on my laptop or writing on paper.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Annoyingly if I'm not already plagued by something then resting for a while usually brings on a muse. If I'm healthy and emotionally stable then there's usually something scratching at the back of my head that is inspiring me to write. If not, well- then I'm probably not going to get much done or be able to summon a muse.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Oh boy, yeah. Lots of transgender and identity adjacent stuff. Learning to live with what you have and maybe even like it. Being horny at inopportune times. Characters being forced to consider what they want and maybe even ask for it to turn their lives around. How life is so goddamn weird and messy and beautiful. None of it is surprising in general but I do sometimes get blindsided in editing by how yet again I've managed to hit the same theme (but it feels good!)

What is your reason for writing?

If I don't get the words and the stories out of me I get sick.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

People telling me they want to read more is always really motivating! I also get extremely chuffed if someone says they've had a similar idea to what I had or had read a character the same way- it's like knowing that someone else wants to see the story play out and I need to keep writing it.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I'm just a silly little guy who is also handsome and perfect (and humble).

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I work really hard on balance in writing, and I feel like I do a pretty good job with that one a strategic and tactical level. Things like allowing some time to breathe, and then having moments where things are chaos. Or the tone of a chapter- putting a little laughter in grief, or a some sadness in joy to enhance the flavor. :3

How do you feel about your own writing?

I'm so glad I started writing again, and I'm so glad I never gave in to the early desire to delete everything I didn't like. Mostly how I feel is that it's so much fun, and it's satisfying to write, and I feel like I'm learning on the go. I reread my stuff a lot because it's for *me* and I love it even with its flaws. I made that!

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

I write mostly for myself, although obviously like everyone else I also want everyone else to enjoy it (mostly in the sense that since I like it I think everyone else should too lol). But I realize that's not practical and that's okay too- like I said, I reread my own stuff and enjoy it so while I'm of course always looking for ways to collab or share with others it's really me following my heart.

Not tagging because I'm late to the game and I'm not sure who's already been asked or played. But as always an open tag to anyone who wants to play :3 tag me back so I can read your interview!

[ca-suffit]

How do you rationalize the violence of the characters on this show? Imo, it's easier when it's self defense or when they're just killing to feed, specially the latter since most are just extras and we don't get to know or be attached to those characters. But there are more complicated cases, including physical and psychological abuse and literally everybody has been the abused and the abuser at some point. Not to/with each other, but definitely other people. There is power imbalance in all of the dynamics. Some may forget that since they keep jumping through timelines where things are perfectly okay or they're closer to making amends and making up. And also because the actors are friends and have chemistry on screen (speaking about the whole cast, not any duo in particular). But technically all main characters have abused each other. Nobody is "safe". So, where to draw the line? Psychological abuse? Physical abuse? The severity of the action (like continuously torturing someone who can't respond or match your strength is definitely worse than one punch, for example)? The frequency of the action, like, as long as it happened once it's okay? When a character is still redeemable/forgivable giving the fact they are immortals, so, in theory, they have eternity to better themselves and see if they can make it work? Or should they all be narratively punished (end up alone, suffering, locked up, dead etc)? What are your thoughts? Btw, I'm genuinely asking. I've become obsessed with this show recently and I haven't been able to talk about it with a lot of people, but I have these questions in my mind. Personally, the more I think about it, the less I know, tbh. It's part of why I love the show and I'm asking, btw. I want to see if I reach some conclusion lol. P.S. I understand if you can't/don't want to answer and I'm sorry this got too long. And if you do answer, feel free to make it long as well if you want, even if you want to make comparisons, add interviews etc. I love reading people's takes hehe. Anywa, thanks!

I don't try to rationalize it tbh. I think that's a goal of the show and the original books as well. What are u supposed to do if u have to "endure" each other forever? What still holds meaning if ur all immortal, how do u have relationships, hobbies, not get bored? Especially when everyone is born from trauma and sometimes that trauma was yesterday and sometimes it was 1000 years ago or 5000 years ago from a society u don't understand at all. How do u bring together so many ppl like that and not erupt on each other?

Trauma and mental illness and whatever else is not always pretty. Violent reactions to things are common and, at least in a society where punitive justice is the norm, we get used to putting these things in these boxes. "u did this bad thing so now ur going to jail / hell." The eternal question of the VC books is where do vampires belong, anyway? Where do they go when they die and for what reasons? Anne Rice never gives a v clear answer on this and it's not just bcuz she wasn't a good writer, the point rly is to just ask the questions. We don't have these answers as humans now, we can't confirm or deny if there's an afterlife and whether these things we do matter for a "soul" or not. We create social rules for many reasons but even those are not actually built on the back of "justice" the way ppl are made to think they are.

I don't think these stories are asking u to find a true "good" or "bad" character or characters. I think we're just meant to watch their choices and reflect on them, reflect on our reactions to them. The fandom's desire for Louis to have done something to "deserve" the drop is all about racism and nothing else. They blame Claudia for "manipulating" Louis into killing Lestat bcuz a black girl is never allowed to be a victim either. She's not even a girl to them anyway, adultification of black girls is another angle they use all the time ("she doesn't look 14 to me!"). They'll say look what Louis did to goad Lestat into fighting him more but they'll never say look what Lestat did to hurt Claudia and push her to that point, as someone who was acting as her parent for most of their lives together. That's always "ooc Lestat." What's happening on screen is a rorschach test for us as the audience and as individuals.

Like I wrote, I don't believe in punitive justice, so I don't think long term these stories are going to focus on that much. The trial was a sham to begin with and Lestat was never "rly" dead or meant to be gone forever. They're going to hurt each other and isolate each other in different ways, but if the show wants to focus on any real character growth, it needs to focus on ways the characters can learn to understand each other instead of banishing / killing each other. Relationships take real work like this too. Anne Rice could never write any of this but I'm hoping the show does. Seeing Lestat have awareness of the pain he caused Louis and the reasons he did it fr was a step in the direction I was hoping the show would go. The big question *is* how does a relationship recover from that? For immortals? How will it make others feel too, particularly Armand, if Louis and Lestat get back together? Will Armand reflect on his own abuse too? They all have a lot in common and they all want to be loved. If that's brought out into the open and treated with kindness and understanding, then the desire to maim and kill each other will greatly diminish tbh. Everything these vampires do to each other originates from a place of personal pain, feeling unlovable. "love is a monster" is one of the taglines for a reason.

[jovenshires]

*Disclaimer: I'm brainrotting so hard I'm sorry. Feel free to ignore/don't answer this if you don't want to, I don't mean to dictate the way your AU should be

So... I came up with little lyrics for each song lol. They're very much sad boy era and they don't rhyme sometimes, but I like to think that these songs are just a way for them to let it all out, since they'll probably never share them with anybody.

Best Interviewer Now that the silence engulfs me And I'd kill for a single word Please talk all you want, I'll just listen I'm the best interviewer in the world

Birthday Card It's still sitting in my window Sometimes I can hear it tell me So many stories from the past I know there's no one here But I feel like I'm the one being watched

Quota of Self-Importance Did I make you feel less? Did I treat you poorly?

I guess we'll never know I guess I'll never know I bet you could answer these questions If only I dared to pose them to you

Nostalgia I find myself looking back At all those memories we made They're like little bread crumbs That lead me back to you again

Magnifying Glass 'Cause the Sun is shining bright today It's time to take out the glass And when we're done doing our magic We will burn this to the ground (This last rhyme is a direct reference to the song with the same name)

Compartmentalize I look around my mind, all I see are cabinet files They keep notes on everything I see It is funny though, you would think I'd be able to remember more And to forget what I wish I could

Where Are You Where are you? I ask myself (where are you?) It's a stupid question, too (and i know, i know) I'm well aware of where you are But it only matters where you're not (right here, right here

The President It's like a table with a short leg Uneven, unstable, useless I can find nothing to brace it And so like that it stays

I can't worry about that now 'Cause the clock still keeps ticking I have to take control now There's a new President in office

Bummer I keep on writing regardless Doesn't matter if it sucks What I am supposed to do otherwise? I'm just Ian from Smosh

Hope you enjoyed :D

THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME i literally. LOVE people writing lyrics for these songs (i cannot write lyrics for Anything which is ironic bc i write poetry), and especially these that you came up with yourself??? incredible, 10/10. once again i am SO honored that you took the time out of your day to write all this and THESE ARE SO GOOD. magnifying glass... NOSTALGIA.... THE PRESIDENT AND BUMMER. im feeling ill. i adore this and you 10/10 tysm <3333

[nipahnan]

realistically , how is it like living in japan ? i am a POC so our experiences would definitely be different .. but are you fluent in the language ? how is everyday life for you ? do you have a job there or remote work overseas in the US ? sorry for all the questions !! i'm hoping to move to japan myself eventually . ♡

Aaah I’m so happy to finally get a question, I’ve been waiting to be able to ramble about myself on here thehe :) This is gonna be a long one, so I’m sorry in advance, but I want to try and be as transparent as possible!♡

I don’t live in Tokyo, yet I have a bunch of friends who live there and who talk about their experiences very openly, so I’ll also talk about things they went through and that they observed. In general people of course need to make sure not to romanticize a country. Japan is a country like any other and a lot of people forget that. I’ve been interested in Japan since I was around 11 years old and I came to Japan knowing about it’s good and bad sides because I did research about it for years. So coming here with very realistic expectations and not thinking I’m gonna live in a fairytale, I’d say it’s great so far! :)

Of course I’ve only been here for 1 year now, but it’s definitely so much better than living in Germany. It just suits my lifestyle and general personal behavior so much better. I never felt connected to people in Germany with the way they behave and so I’m having it way easier here. I definitely aim to obtain permanent residence status one day because I really believe that I want to enjoy my life here. I definitely feel like foreigners who move to Tokyo have it so much easier than people who move somewhere else in Japan, because there’s so much more English writing or people who try and speak English since it’s full of tourists too, so it’s easier to navigate without learning any Japanese. When I first landed in Japan I literally only spoke English and I was kinda shocked since I didn’t expect that at all tbh. I actually know a few people who have lived in Japan for years without learning any Japanese and it kinda baffles me sometimes lol. I definitely recommend coming here with at least some basic Japanese and then trying to gradually learn more, that’s how I did it and it’s been working very well. Im not fluent at all yet, but im able to have conversations and I’m learning every day and that’s what counts :)

I also know a lot of people who realized how fake Tokyo can be and decide to move away from it quickly because of them getting mental problems or their mental problems worsening, considering how awful mental help in Japan is. They’re feeling very lonely, overworked, and even get bullied. It definitely depends on the workplace of course. But as long as you make sure to make genuine friendships and realize that Japanese people can be extremely blunt and that their behavior is overall quite different, you’ll have no problem with them. There’s a lot of rules and there’s no way you’re always able to remember them, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Definitely try and act according to how they act and you will be welcomed with open arms I’d say :)

I currently don’t have a job because I got hit with a very hard illness right after 3 months of living here which resulted in me almost dying that I’m still recovering from. So I didn’t have time to work with how many times I was in the hospital, yet I’m having an interview soon and I’ll hopefully be able to start work in the next month if everything works out :)

I have a spouse visa after finally marrying my partner that I’ve been with for 4 years, so that made immigrating here way easier for me of course and I definitely realize that I was very lucky to get here that way. I only had to wait 15 minutes and immediately had my visa, meanwhile a lot of people say how long they had to wait because they had a different visa and of course because the Tokyo immigration is so much fuller than the one in Nagoya.

Everyday life is very chill, it’s very quiet so as a person who is very easily irritated and overwhelmed by loud noises it’s so much better for my mental health. yet again I don’t live in Tokyo and in a very tiny town (13.11 km² big lmao) so I have to drive to Nagoya for some of the „fun“ parts.

Now for some of the VERY annoying parts.

Stares. People stare at you ALL the time. Even tho I’m white, they love staring at me like I’m some alien because I have blonde hair and stick out like a sore thumb here in my city where there’s such a tiny amount of foreigners(basically 0 lol) I’ve noticed that people usually say that old people are kind of rude to them and how nice young people are, yet for me it’s the complete opposite at times. Old people, especially old women, love randomly talking to me and are generally very nice to me. There’s this older lady who works at my local family mart and she is sooo nice to me, always giving me compliments and everything, she is so cute♡ Meanwhile young people love staring and making fun of me because they often think I don’t understand them. I get comments like „she looks cute but she’s kinda fat.“ „do you think she even understands Japanese?“ and they giggle all the time. Sometimes they also take pictures of me in the train and it feels very rude. As someone who never stood out in her hometown and always trying her best to not get any attention, it definitely hurts to suddenly hear comments like that and basically feeling like a zoo animal at times. Yet I knew this would happen so I was prepared for it and I know I just shouldn’t care about comments like that. Now idk how bad it is in Tokyo but I can imagine it’s not as awful since it’s way more diverse? Yet you still hear stories about how this also happens very often to POC and sometimes even white foreigners who just happen to have a different type of style. So it’s definitely something to keep in mind.

Also about the topic of getting called fat. Japanese people LOVE to call you fat in your face. As soon as you’re over 50kg no matter your height they will probably consider you fat. One time I had to state my weight at the hospital for a scan and the lady literally yelled „…kg???“ and then proceeded to giggle to her male coworker. Considering that coming from the hospital staff, it was definitely shocking. Especially since I was literally about to die that day? I was so shocked and felt so bad considering I gained 10kg during that time only due to steroid medication which I literally had no control over. So I’d definitely say it’s another thing to be prepared for.

Their clothing style is also pretty different from the west, you’ll see a lot of long skirts and blouses or sweaters. Tight fitting clothes or clothes showing of a lot of skin aren’t as common here and it definitely makes you stick out. One time I was wearing a tank top under a jacket and didn’t close the jacket all the way while going to get takeout and some school boys sitting at the table loudly made a comment about how giant my boobs are and didn’t stop staring and it made me insanely uncomfortable to which I immediately just closed my jacket. Most uncomfortable encounter I’ve ever had and made me stop wearing shirts that show cleavage lol.

Also there’s of course a lot of sexual harassment here, especially in Tokyo. There’s literally guys just staring at 🌽 that you can see in the reflection of the train window (I even saw that in person one time, absolutely insane) or just straight up jerkin off. They literally have posters at my train stations telling women to pay attention to their skirts because there could be someone taking pictures of your panties. So if you intend to wear short skirts you always have to wear shorts under it if you don’t want some pervert to take a panty shot of you. At this point they even have hidden cameras in their shoes which is just insane to me…

Overall, don’t believe most things those tiktok or YouTube videos from tourists tell you. They often times don’t have any knowledge about Japan or how it is to live here, often give misinformation or are just straight up romanticizing this country to the max. All my friends and me even absolutely hate these travel vloggers at this point because of how much bs they’re saying :,)

To sum it up: if you have enough knowledge about the country and the people, prepare yourself as much as possible and realize that it’s very different from what you’re probably used to, and most of all, that it’s just another country that you’ll be living in, you’ll definitely love it here! :)

I definitely could tell even more because I had so many crazy encounters already and so many cool places to talk about, but I think I’ve been talking long enough now :D

Hope my ramble was a bit helpful for you（╹◡╹）♡

[fapper]

2023 - 2024 recruiting season be laik

lives on r/csMajors

neetcode

develop depression, imposter syndrome, and 83 other mental illnesses

do 20 leetcodes a day, 10 of which are hard + dont forget homework bruh youre still in sch0ol! 😂

systems design prep (what the fuck is this)

finish the crack the interview book FIVE times

literally LIVE on workday

apply to 50 jobs a day (1000+ jobs in total)

part 1: behavioral interview (im good at lying so i usually slay this one I THINK CUZ thats howi got my current job 😭)

part 2: coding interview process (this ones a shitstorm) (i wasnt able to do anything in all of my coding interviews) (still employed tho)

optional part 3: some places make you go through even more interviews -____- but ill never reach this part cuz im stupid and not destined for big meaty dicked companies anyway im okay with working at, like,,,,, fucking Mcdonalds and shit like ill take what i can get bruh

part 4: get results (99.9% rejections, that 0.01% pitied you) EMPLOYMENT 💯💪

update linkedin profile to reflect new job

relax now that employed :D

shitpost on tumbler :3ccc

Hi

[princevontwix]

what i wanted to put was too long for tags so I'm just gonna vent here

i really feel this. my parents have been encouraging me to get my masters, when I'm almost done with my bachelors. and the major i have isn't offered anymore so idk what would happen. I've also chickened out on going to the career center to get started on literally anything. i haven't taken any internships at all, done any mock interviews, and have no concrete idea on the career i want with my major.

im gravely worried that once i graduate i wont be able to do the job well, esp since I've repeatedly dumped out whatever I've learned from previous classes, which i HATE. as such, I'm nervous that when something I'm expected to have known about comes up during a crucial moment(s) at my job, ill be left smooth-brained, feel utterly incompetent, or worse.

if i do try and get a masters degree, i feel like id be delaying the inevitable. I'm also just not completely confident in being able to manage my own life by myself. it doesn't help that i haven't truly made friends in uni, just people I'm familiar with for one semester and that's it. Middle and high school were easier to get friends bc i was in the same "class of" as everyone else. but in uni, you're sharing classes with people of different years so you don't really get a chance to be familiar with them. i feel like that's also my fault though; I've been forgetful of people's names unless i see them on a regular basis outside of just classes (only two professors i can say arent the case). and those classmates who give me their numbers for future contact, i just never do. i feel overwhelmed by work and by then, id have fast forgotten anything about them to make conversation of.

im scared that ill be incompetent in my future career, that i might only have a few select irl friends at best or only my online friends (which there's no guarantee that ill ever meet any of them in person and strengthen that bond. AND that this last year in uni will be my last retreat to my shell before it completely shatters and I'm thrusted into the real world. there's also this internal pressure on me for being the first in my family to graduate uni (my older siblings have graduated high school).

My older siblings have been living at home for years, which, nothing wrong with that. but i don't want to end up living that same lifestyle. I want to prove to my family that their efforts weren't for naught. but at the same time, i feel like i don't know what to do when the future comes and ill have no insurance for whatever happens. I'm already dreading the days when my parents pass away and what might happen with my siblings when it does. the absolute last thing i want is to end up homeless and with nothing to show for myself.

Earth, our home, is dying to corporate greed and we're massacring each other, hate in our veins. And if i cant make a dent in any of that, then what was the point? what were my efforts for?

And yet...i want to be selfish and create for myself (no matter how cringe it is) and spend time with my online friends. I want to stay in my comfort zone of being in my dorm for the week and home at the weekends. i want to have those long summers where i don't have to worry to much about what to do and just enjoy myself.

How can I ever possibly balance my practical life with my personal life? My work and social lives?

Perhaps i've never truly grown up, and the unforgiving march of time is a reminder that i need to do something with my life and grow the fuck up. Perhaps it doesn't matter what i do as link rot will snuff out my creations and my second death will follow my first death fairly quickly.

Or maybe i really am just overthinking everything. Maybe 10 years or more from the future, I'll come back to this post and laugh at my naivety and how much i was overthinking. If such a possibility exists, maybe it's narcissistic for me to want this, but i would greatly welcome my future self hugging me, telling me that everything turned out well. that I'm living a life my family and friends would be proud of.

that despite the mountainous amount of work my job requires, i managed to make time to tend to my own projects completely unrelated to my profession. maybe in that possible future, my fanstory Rejuvenation has finally been completed, and i have the improved skills to bring my vision out for my art and fanfics (cringe, i know). perhaps in that future, i don't feel any of the loneliness i feel right now.

i just want some assurance that everything will turn out well. right now, my last year in uni is my temporary shelter against all these worries. but once i graduate? it's the point of no return.

I'm deathly afraid of the future and what might not be. i may bide my time and play games, draw, or just chat with friends. but the clock will keep ticking and if i don't play catch-up, I'm as good as dead. i just hope that I'm still eligible to reach Heaven by then.

but for now, i have some schoolwork shit i need to do. procrastination is a poison, one that might cost me everything.

“I don’t know what my goals are, no. Thanks for asking.”

[swordsmanoftranquility]

Interview

The blue sky above sways gently as the carriage rocks back and forth upon the bumpy road. If Zihark wasn’t used to travelling often as a mercenary, he probably would have been hurling chunks off the side just like the other passenger. It was a rough ride, and the man likely had a weak stomach. Understandable that he would be ill then.

Zihark sits up, sliding over to the poor man and placing a gentle hand on his back.

“Are you alright?” Zihark asks carefully. The man lifts his head with a groan, looking rather green. He promptly leans back over the edge and continues to lose his lunch. Zihark lets out a small sigh, he must not have been used to travelling, “I am Zihark. Might I have the honour of knowing your name?”

The other man wearily lifts his head again and mumbles out, “Kev…… in. I’m a… hrnk… monk at Garreg Mach. Heading back there now. It’s not usually… this bumpy…”

Zihark smiles, offering another stroke of Kevin’s back to try and ease his pain. He lights up at the mention of Garreg Mach and his gentle pats turn into a hearty smack, “What a happy coincidence! I’m also headed to the monastery!”

“Wow… who would have… hrrngh… guessed,” Kevin muttered, scowling through his illness like it should have been obvious that they were headed to the same location, “You don’t look like much of the… student type… nor clergy. What are you gonna… do…?”

“Be a knight of course! I can’t imagine there is a better use for my skills at the academy,” Zihark laughs gently, leaning against the side of the carriage. He lets the autumn breeze flow over him, wind rustling pale blue hair around him.

“Hnnrghh… you haven’t… done an interview yet have you…?” Zihark lightly shakes his head at Kevin’s question. He had figured it would be able to wait until he had arrived at the monastery proper, but Kevin frowned deeply even through his motion sickness. The other man lets out a loud sigh and says, “... I can… urgh… do it for you right now, since we’re both already here. That way you… don’t have… anything to worry about…”

Ah what the hell; why not? Might as well get it over with, “Alright then. Hit me.”

Kevin looks like he would rather actually hit him right now, or maybe he just wanted to hit the carriage. That would be understandable. 

The monk groans, and rustles around in his sleeve for a moment to pull out a slip of paper. He squints at it through his sickness and starts with another groan, “Urgh… What has led you to where you are today?”

“Conviction,” Zihark says almost instantly, wringing his hand together gently in his lap. It had been a long held dream of his to see peace and harmony between beorc and laguz within his lifetime. Even before the one woman he would never forget, he had never thought it was right the way laguz were treated with such prejudice and scorn. They were people all the same, with thoughts and feelings, complex beings that deserved respect as much. After she had died, that yearning for them to be all the same and not treated differently only strengthened. He didn’t want anyone else to ever have to face the prejudice they’d had when they were together, whether they were just one person or many; so with whatever little time he had, he wanted to strive for his perfect world - one where laguz were not hated, treated just the same as any beorc - and not falter. He was willing to sacrifice nearly anything he had for that which he held up in his beliefs - that laguz should not be caged, thrown away as lesser when they certainly were not. He would kill those he had once aligned with, slip away and betray even his own country. If it went against everything he stood for, then he could not just stand idly by and let transgressions happen that he did not believe in, “Though I imagine it’s a driving force for many people. I can’t be unique in that aspect.”

Kevin nods in understanding, sick understanding but understanding nevertheless and clears his throat so he can continue, “What are your greatest strengths and weaknesses?”

Zihark stares at his gloved hands, the bandages wrapped around his wrists, the scars that ran up and down his arms. He thinks of the scars that cover the rest of his body, invisible underneath his clothes. The reminders of years of battle and travels long gone. He says quietly, “Well, I’m certainly physically strong. Willing to stand up for what I believe in. I’ve had to learn a lot of skills most men my age might not have had to, like sewing and cooking for myself on the road. And I have a natural talent for remembering names and faces. That’s about it, I suppose.”

But are you really so strong if you couldn’t save her? An old nagging voice echoes in the back of his head. He tries to ignore it, rubbing at his arm with a sudden anxiousness.

He clears his throat, “Right… weaknesses. Let’s see here…” He pauses intentionally in thought, pushing down the memories of when he had once been weak. Of a girl long gone from his life who he had once loved, “I suppose I… have a habit keeping certain secrets. Ah, that’s not really a weakness, is it? Can’t think of anything else though.” 

He twists a piece of the bandages on his arms gently between his fingers. Sometimes, he wondered if he really knew who he was beneath the dream of his ideal world where beorc and laguz could coexist without lashing out at one another. He had a dream of peace between their peoples, an idea that they were no different in the end, but it was one that he could not speak of in his homeland. When he had been young, he would never have been able to speak of such things out loud. He would have been kicked out of his father’s house at best, and dragged through the streets at worst. The memory of being young and scared of such a powerful man who swung in the complete opposite direction of his child - whose sympathies lay with those who hated laguz more than anything - still haunted Zihark, a dark shadow lingering in the depths of his mind. 

He had left once he was old enough, and not looked back. He had met a girl and tried his best to stay true to what he really believed in. He had fought with Ike and his band of mercenaries, striving for a common goal, a dream that they both believed in. He had fought for Daein until he could not take it anymore, once again taking up the sword alongside Ike. He had faced Ashera and not backed down even then. 

And yet… thinking of his past in Daein, his childhood, could still make him tremble slightly.

But he could not be afraid. He had to strive forward, believe in what he did despite it not being what he was once taught. Zihark had let the winds of fate guide him to this, and he wanted to believe that his homeland would someday change as well. Change to be better than hate and scorn towards those who were different. A wistful dream, but one he wanted all the same. 

That was why he couldn’t be weak.

(Even so, now he could still be weak. Even if the best part of himself screamed he wasn’t. Even if he could never say it, his greatest weakness could be that he was still held back by a certain fear at times. Fear that he wasn’t doing enough, wasn’t doing the right thing. When he had lifted his sword for Daein, he had known that the land of his birth still didn’t align with loving the laguz as equals, but he had done so anyway, perhaps out of love of his country… or, perhaps out of fear if he didn’t, then it would be wrong to just leave Daein to suffer. He had wondered if it would be right, knowing that her heart lay elsewhere, but he had still done it. It was why he was still travelling , resolving conflicts between beorc and laguz. He couldn’t sit idly by because; what if he wasn’t enough? He couldn’t be inadequate, nor even in this. He had to be good enough. He didn’t wish to think he had such a weakness against his own heart, but nobody was perfect. It was that he was scared to fail himself and others that was his weakness all along.)

Kevin clears his throat once more, making a gesture like he wanted this to be over with, “Uh… last one, I think. If a story were written about your life, what role would you play?”

Zihark lets the pain wash away with an easier question, an easygoing smile coming across his lips. He speaks confidently once more, “Someone who wields their sword for the justice of others in this world. For the weak and those who need protection from prejudice,” He laughs, realising something, “Ah! I suppose that’s just a knight; isn’t it? Guess I’m taking up the right job then!”

Yes, he would not waver now. Even in a land far away from that of his birth, he would stand strong for all that he believed in. That’s all there was to do; wasn’t there? And that was enough.

[notmuchtoconceal]

bro, i know i just said never, but also --

i have way too many opinions about thomas harris's novels and i honestly feel like bryan fuller is one few nerd alive big enough to get into the nitty-gritty of this man's heroic grappling with his projected mental illness and latent bestial nature in a manner which is cathartic and revelatory, but also -- the man fucked himself over by staying too engaged and doting too hard on his audience of mostly tumblr users.

his de-masculinization of Margot Verger may be the only time i have felt compelled to deliver a hot-take. for those of you not in the know, the literary Margot Verger is a bodybuilding butch lesbian who was rendered infertile through steroid usage and is now reliant on his (I'd meant to write her, but this may be revealing) abusive and disabled child predator brother for semen, so that she may sire an heir with their family's DNA and so claim their father's meatpacking inheritance through him.

he had expressed concerns about portraying a --

I'm not sure, I believe he felt that Margot Verger was a transman and didn't wish to portray his transmasculinity as a product of abuse, but to me that is an over-literal reading of the text. I believe the passage in the Hannibal novel he may be thinking of //

(I had, before my sole viewing of the Hannibal TV series, re-read the original trilogy, as well as watched Silence of the Lambs twice, before and after the source novel, as well as both adaptations of Red Dragon and Ridley Scott's film of Hannibal. I was hyper-attuned to the origin of every one of his remixes, and every time I watched an interview where he stated he was remixing, I could see exactly what he was doing. I was quite impressed -- just by the first episode -- by how he was so cleanly able to take various choice selections from a wide-array of contexts in the books and chain them together into an entirely new argument/persuasion. It's sharp, yet dense. I feel the show has an exhausting quality, for it is not only visually lush, but dedicates a great amount of time to both revealing and obscuring through speech.)

\\ I believe the passage in the Hannibal novel he had in mind, when floating the idea that Margot was a transman because of abuse, was suggested by an obvious homophobe. The section is narrated by -- I forget his name. The main FBI douchebag. He's a token chauvinist, a fairly route middle-manager bully, and knight of the patriarchy. He's the same man who, in the film adaption, Hannibal slices his scalp open and feeds him his own brain. In this same section, standing around in the billionaire pedophile's palatial bedroom, feeling like he's made it, he also floats the suggestion that Clarice and her roommate were bull-dykes, and that Hannibal himself is a faggot due his fondness for "tea party food" because being gay also means being wealthy and European and better than you in all arts (this line was also used in Ridley Scott's film, as a direct verbal taunt to Julianne Moore's Clarice in the FBI basement.) You can see, his thoughts are intended to portray a carousel of moronic straight-boy stereotypes. This is a simple man. It may be easy to read him at face value, if one is sensitive to these slights. Straight nerds, you know -- in some ways it's much easier for them to detach from homophobia, not actually being gay.

I believe Margot Verger's identity is complicated. Physically, she is undeniably a woman. She has faced repeated attacks, psychological, physical and sexual, and so is always on edge ~ Rather, if Margot is more a transman than a butch lesbian, I see no reason to assume his transmasculinity was the product of abuse, or rather -- I don't see the compromise to his or her masculinity as being in any way distinct from how other people have their masculinity compromised. Truly, I think the scenes with Margot and Barney in the novel are beautiful. She always tries to come off as tough, like she isn't intimidated by him, big burly black orderly (it's okay to admit that sometimes a black man is sexier than a white man and it's not suspect to say it ~ you have no hesitancy whatsoever about finding white men sexy without giving any though to racial supremacy. let black beauty ride u. he is majestic) who could hold his own against the witty all-knowing psycho-demon who eats men alive. She's assertive, chiding, all bravado, eager to flex. Though also -- she's never befriended a man who was this tolerant, this compassionate, this genuinely understanding. She doesn't know how to take it. She likes men, or at least the idea of men, but you know -- she's had so many bad experiences with men. Things most people would never even want to talk about. All the indications she's giving Barney are that she wants to be a bro and work out -- by this point in the story, her brother is keeping him close, not only for he is a competent medical professional and he is bedridden, but also because of his fetishistic preoccupation with all things Hannibal Lecter. Barney was one of the few men alive who Truly Knew Him. Margot and Barney see each other a lot in the private gym they share. One day Barney gives Margot a firm, robust athletic smack on the ass in the showers. She crumbles. It's all too much. She may have either a masculine mind or a mind which appropriates the masculine (do recall that Clarice herself, in emulating her lawman father, is on something of an mirrored journey to Buffalo Bill -- he wants to become physiologically female, she wants to become psychologically male, and the true question of appropriation and predation remains disputable), but she has a female body traumatically wired into subservience to monsters who can't love her. How could she possibly be with this man who ... charming, lovely and burly as he is ... simply makes her want to die? Simply can't stop making her remember? Margot is herself not depicted as a beautiful woman. Her masculinity is a source of pride, strength, but also a constant reminder of her pain. Chasing her masculinity -- altering her body through hormones -- quite literally has left her infertile, and now dependent on the abuser she tried to overcome by embracing roids. Regardless of her Gender Identity, Her Masculinity Is Real, Arguably Toxic, and Yet She Remains An Abused Woman. There's a level of finesse here which is difficult to parse, for it is difficult to endure, it is such a raw and painful portrait of a product of human exploitation, in a novel which is already lined to the wall which faceless disfigured child rapists feeding people alive to giant pigs. Margot in the book goes so far as to forcefully ejaculate her brother with a cattle prod, collecting her sample, then deep-throating him with his own pet electrical eel which eats through his throat as it electrifies him alive. Perhaps, if Margot's transmasculinity is the product of abuse, it's simply because we need to tap into unconventional or otherwise unsuspecting parts of ourselves when placed in novel or desperate situations, and "queerness" is, in a literal sense, the discovery and adoption of divergent survival strategies. Perhaps we simply needn't be ashamed of ourselves or where we've come from, and to demand recognition from ego-blocks which would appropriate us for revenue and prestige is to become complicit with them if we lose sight of what's really important, that is our freedom to be and to love.

I'm thinking of a comment made a film reviewer named Diamanda Hagan, speaking on John Waters's film, Desperate Living. That one had a character, Mole, an AFAB person in a relationship with a woman, and she (as she was referred) impulsively got a cock to dick his lady, but she was immediately grossed-out and they castrated herself. She had said the gag had begun life as an offensive lesbian stereotype, now it's an offensive trans stereotype, and it had managed to remain offensive because you really couldn't tell what the film thought Mole was. John Waters -- he is, of course, sympathetic to people's interior essentialized states, but he's also hip and savvy. He knows people are adaptable, need to market themselves, and identity is largely contextual. I'd gotten the impression that, although a woman, she wanted to treat her girlfriend like a woman, and so give her the man treatment. Her woman then had the opposite reaction, feeling her lady was compromising herself for her sake. I think her woman enjoys her masculinity, but also enjoys that she's a woman. I think plenty of women like women who like themselves, and people generally who are comfortable being themselves. I think it's easier for women to compartmentalize and "become" men, as men are already single-minded and task-focused, so being a man is much like turning a part of yourself off. If she has an essentialized "masculine" quality it may simply be because she's the dominant partner in her relationship.

Now, as for the supposed hot-take -- I don't think bryan fuller has anything against lesbians, though he may feel a low-level visceral repulsion when confronted by a woman who seems too masculine, in much the same way a heterosexual man would seem threatened or put ill-at-ease by a man who appears too feminine. It might confuse him. He may be more horny for butch lesbians than he'd care to admit, or may be more susceptible to heterosexual assumptions that he'd like to admit. He might like Margot more if she fit into a more clear and defined idea of what it was to be a woman. Truthfully, I find the ambiguity of Margot's transsexualism one of her most compelling aspects, for I feel he is both, though also damaged, and she would remain both, regardless of his damage. Damage simply occurs to us, and we have to find some way to reckon with it. He's also a sharp-dresser who works in show business. All adaptations pretty up their people for the screen, even if they make them uglier by making them more conventional. The world simply wasn't ready yet for the real Margot Verger, with all her messy complications. It may not be for some time. I would always love my sister. Even if she were a steroid-abusing lesbian who's too frightened to be a man with me. You don't know how hard it is. You're so brave, to keep it all together.

[talkabouttits]

The boy

What I've learned of normal love from looking at other people in my life is the kindness and compassion someone makes you feel makes you want to give it back just from being a person that fits them. That statement not making sense to anyone but me shows that I don't know normal love. I know it is powerful and intense, not like in the movies you watch growing up finding out what you want from a man or friends or your family but a love that comes with sadness and anxiety. I know that love. I could work on myself, find new hobbies, find new places that I fit into but that won't stop me from basing these new skills on being able to get him from changing myself. I find you in my head directing my life for me. Even though I know that you wouldn't want me to do all these things that I see attract you. But you fell in love with me before I had this voice in my head. I can't escape this everlasting stomach ache that is my love for you but more importantly my anxiety that comes with loving someone one or something. The best way I could show how it feels is by comparing it to getting your dream job. An interview of getting to know you, making sure i say the right things so you can see me fit for the role of someone you could love. I'm trying hard to make myself someone who you want to get to know as your co-worker. Then working my way up the ladder of your heart to get the promotion. This isn't healthy as I try to work this formula. I crack. I become someone i dont recognize and i become weak to each thing you say to me. I analyze all the things you say to me or do. Trying my best to work out how you feel and how you feel about me so I can know what I can do in each situation for you to like me more and more. I want my feeling mirrored so badly that I start to forget how I even feel and I start to cry and have regular panic attacks. But none of it is your fault. I just get to this point when i know that i love you and you love me and we make eachother happy but i can't help but feel more that i dont make you happy because of how you replied to one of my texts or how you didnt say i love you as much one day as i did. But i do deep down know that it's all in my head and there's nothing in this world that can tell you how to stop that i know that this is bad and im destroying this relationship with my insecurities and blaming you for it because it hurts so much i need something else to blame it on that isn't just me. So ill start each day waiting for you to text me first and planning activities that you would think are cool to do and wearing clothes that you would like me in and never changing how i smell because you always like how i smell. Without thinking about how you like all these things because they make up me or how you also feel the same way about wanting a text first. There's nothing that can stop me from feeling like that but you are constantly telling me you care and love and miss me so what is there to do but hold on till you tell me this everyday but the minutes after you say it it all comes back to me.

[goremet-chef]

maybe ill tell my mom im hungry? im so. my entire LIFE i have always always hated asking for things like so much so that i stopped asking for things on my BIRTHDAY because im like. terrified of being seen as selfish? idk its funny cuz parents will like. god forbid i get a treat when im a kid, then all the grown ups in my life look down and call me spoiled as if they didnt give me the treat, and they still think children arent capable of complex thought so they didnt anticipate that id internalize it for the rest of my life but here we are 😁😁

so i just. god i hate asking for things it makes me feel so shitty but i think shes gonna go somewhere anyways? and EVENTUALLY hes going to run out of things to cook so maybe if i ask she'll bring home some food (vent/rant)

that is one thing that always bothers me tho ive got? idk my mom is. shes my mom i guess, currently she treats me very nicely but when her bf was gone for a few years all that anger was directed at me so yknow. i guess shes over it? or she tries to make up for it, but if im not given an apology, i wont forgive or forget even. it was mutual, lots of arguing on the basis of politics at time, but sometimes it was just fucking nothing, to the point where she'd even admit that i didnt deserve that treatment its just. SIGHHHHH im over it at this point im just trying to get out atp yknow? but like

my sibling asks for LOTS of things. and they get all of them. money for computer parts? sure. money for literally any thing? sure. new game? sure

im not bitter about it, as long as my mom can afford it i dont care. but like....... whenever I ask for things, its usually a no

because of my BPD, i take rejection really hard, its the worst pain in the world so i kinda just stopped asking for anything at all to avoid the feeling. then they always are like "ohh what do you want for yr birthday we cant just get you nothing" but i actually DID ask for something on my birthday. i asked for a copy of pokemon black for the ds. it was the only thing ive directly asked for in years, and i didnt get it which is super embarrassing. like whats the point of bothering me about what i want if you dont listen to me when i do? they always get me what they THINK i want and its this really outdated version of me that doesnt even exist anymore, its makes me dissociate knowing thats what they see me as when im just not that anymore. even when i tell them its null

IDK its jsut a whole thing, idk how to feel about it anymore. its to the point where like. my friends take me out sometimes but i mean. they know im broke, they know i have no job, they know i have no income. but im terrified the entire time that theyre gonna like. ask me to pay or something, and i always do my best to just do nothing when we go out cuz i really like. even when they offer to get me things it makes me feel so fucking shitty man i feel like im just leeching off of them even when they offered. even when they tell me they like getting me things it just. it feels so bad. and GOD its embarrassing, when we're walking around stores and all im doing is just following them around because i have like FIVE DOLLARS in my pocket at most. things like that make me want to never leave my house again, it just sucks.

im jealous of them if im honest, because they have jobs and i dont. but i dont think? i genuinely am unsure id ever be able to get a job. im not well adjusted like them, im constantly dissociating, constantly tired, my sibling yesterday, i made a comment about my mom leaving without telling me at all and he was like "well she said she was leaving on the weekend didnt she?" like yes, she did, but i genuinely have no idea what day it is at any given point. all i know is the number, i dont know the day of the week ever.

like im so. fucked, im fucked! totally, even if i managed to get me shit together, relearn the days of the week, set a good sleep schedule, im fucked anyways because i dont know how to be a person at all. an interview sounds fucking terrifying, ESPECIALLY if i dont know the questions theyre going to ask. i do really REALLY poorly with actual human conversation, like its painful. and pretty much everyone around me thinks im kinda creepy or weird in some way, so theyd DEFINITELY be able to tell. i have no resume, i dont even know what that IS. like im so fucked!! i wasnt able to pass highschool, i cant partake in a conversation if i dont somehow have both sides planned perfectly.

little unsure about my odds, gotta be honest

but at the same time like? i keep hearing people say "if you cant work then get disability insurance" am i disabled? everyone around me tells me im just not trying hard enough. they laugh at me when i say i just cant. even if it covers mental illness, i? i dont know. im constantly in denial of things because my family specifically my mom like. a long time ago she told me i just couldnt be autistic, because im "too smart"

?????? it showed me immediately that she has absolutely no fucking idea what shes talking about ever, i bet she couldnt list more than 2 symptoms of autism like genuinely. im not even smart also????? maybe id be a genius, if i could retain information after 5 minutes 💀💀 its complete bullshit man, im just. im at a loss

and then they have the audacity to mock me for not knowing how to be a person in the world, when THEY shouldve taught me. it was THEIR job to help guide me through it, and they didnt. they laugh and roll their eyes and scoff when i tell them oh i dont know how to use a stove, i dont know what food stamps are i dont know how to dress for a job interview ETC

they expect ill know, that i wouldve jsut picked it up over time but surprise! i didnt. i need instruction i need CLEAR instruction and no one will give it to me. its so frustrating man, they suck ass and they just make me feel WORSE about myself. like good fucking god, give me a break

idk im just. exhausted. im tired of just cramming my problems down because the people around me are incapable of seeing me as anything other than a child, and children dont have problems, right? i have no right to complain if my backs constantly hurting, if im too tired to feed myself properly, if i cant leave my house for 2 seconds without feeling the deepest dread. like be so serious bro

i cant wait to fucking move out, but.. how? my friends said its okay if i cant always make enough money from art to pay rent, but no. i dont believe them at all. theyre just being nice to me and i dont even deserve that, i fucking refuse i cant just. im always dead weight, its so frustrating. it frustrates the people around me, too. i feel like such a fucking burden man, its so tiring. if its not things i just dont know how to do, its fear. oh i cant help clean the garage because its crawling with spiders, i cant take out the trash because the trash bins are crawling with spiders. i cant walk down the stairs because i saw a spider on the ground. they fucking hate me man

i know what they see me as, but i have no idea how to convince them that its not me. they think im rude because i dont know how to properly communicate, i say things and its rude to them and i feel bad because i didnt intend to come off that way. everyone thinks im selfish, they think im overdramatic. exaggerating. if they could live in my head for one day, they wouldnt think that anymore

its so exhausting because you dont even get any sort of sympathy from them! just like. awkward pity, and it makes me wish i was never born. never oh im sorry yr feeling that way, do you wanna talk about it? never

they see me as such an obvious burden but they? i dont know! i genuinely cant understand, they think i just have no complex emotions? they think i cant hear it, cant see it? they think i dont feel like a burden when they tell me i am. its so stupid

i cant stand being around anyone, and it just pushes me FURTHER into dissociation. ive got an interesting thing with that. see, typically when yr dissociate with a dissociative disorder like OSDD or DID, that hazy period in time opens up for another alter to front, you dissociate away and get tucked inside yr head. except i get maladaptive daydreams. so im fully dissociated in another world basically but im still physically present. its like i just always take up space thats never meant for me, in every conceivable way. i hate it.

i know, when i finish typing this, ill feel a lot better. which is just embarrassing, bpd fucking sucks. having no emotional permanence is EMBARRASSING when im over here crying on my knees about my problems and then the second i get it out i feel completely fine. it just makes me invalidate my very real emotions even further and its so.

im just. whatever.

just spit it out and stop looking that way

[denimbex1986]

'Christopher Nolan and Hans Zimmer are two of the most acclaimed figures in modern cinema. Nolan is a director known for his complex, visually stunning films, while Zimmer is a composer who creates powerful and memorable scores.

Their collaboration began with 2005’s Batman Begins, and it has continued through such films as The Dark Knight, Inception, Interstellar, and Dunkirk. In each of these films, Zimmer’s music has helped to create a unique and immersive experience for the audience.

The partnership that is Hollywood gold

The Dark Knight Trilogy is perhaps the most iconic collaboration between Christopher Nolan and Hans Zimmer. The score for Batman Begins was a dark and atmospheric work that perfectly captured the film’s tone. The score for The Dark Knight was even more ambitious, incorporating elements of opera and electronic music. And the score for The Dark Knight Rises brought the trilogy to a close with a powerful and emotional finale.

Four, Inception is another example of how Nolan and Zimmer’s collaboration can create something truly special. The score for Inception is a complex and challenging work that mirrors the film’s non-linear narrative. The music is constantly evolving, and it helps to create a sense of tension and suspense.

At numero cinco, we have the absolute cinematic genius that is Interstellar; a film that explores the vastness of space and the mysteries of the universe, but is however, about love in its many different forms. Zimmer’s score for Interstellar is equally vast and mysterious. The music is full of wonder and awe, and it helps to create a sense of scale and scope that is truly breathtaking.

Dunkirk is a war film that tells the story of the evacuation of British troops from Dunkirk during World War II. Zimmer’s score for Dunkirk is a minimalist work that uses simple, repetitive motifs to create a sense of tension and urgency. The music perfectly suits the film’s setting and tone, and it helps create a powerful and emotional experience for the audience.

The unfortunate, ill-timed break in the collaboration extraordinaire This one invincible partnership, which has been ongoing for more than a decade now, unfortunately, had to take a break for Nolan’s Tenet because of what turned out to be a project that garnered Zimmer’s attention. The timing of the two projects colliding is why Zimmer couldn’t come on board Tenet, and Nolan’s reaction to it was “Not great..”, Zimmer revealed in an interview. He said,

“There’s another part to it as well, which people keep missing out on. I went out on tour, and I suddenly got really interested in this thing that I never thought I’d do. And here I was, sixty-odd years old going, ‘Whoa. This is fun. I like this!’ So Chris realized that, and he realized that that’s where my focus was at that moment.”

He did, however, show a lot of confidence in and appreciation for Ludwig Goransson, who ended up giving the background score for Tenet. He said,

“I have to do [Dune]. Chris understands I have to do it. He’s going to be just fine. Ludwig and I are friends. Forget the friend part, he’s really good.”

This break in Nolan and Zimmer’s collaboration on Tenet was a major disappointment for fans of both artists, though maybe it does increase their appreciation for their work and the geniuses themselves. What we know for sure, however, is that Christopher Nolan and Hans Zimmer are two of the most talented artists in Hollywood today, and when they come together, the results are extraordinary.

Their collaboration has produced some of the most iconic and memorable scores in recent memory. It is clear that these two artists have a deep understanding of each other’s work, and they are able to create something truly special when they work together.'