#ill get back to you tonight
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I have reread what I wrote
It's not terrible
I'm still not happy with it 😐
I may still be too close to it
Does anyone want to volunteer to beta 😬 (mutuals only)
#fandoms include: mass effect bg3 and fallout new vegas#yes this is all the same fic#its the first chapter of a long fic#im kinda flying by the seat of my pants here but also kinda want to roll with that#just to like.... inoculate me about writing and posting and not worrying about shit#but i need an honest set of eyes and also some validation#i can explain more about what im doing in dms#but i feel like it is crack fic taken seriously#just... idk IDK#its probably an insane idea that im the only audience for#but im doing it anyway#so yeah.... any volunteers?#ill reup this this evening when i wake up but im going to bed now#or soon rather#ill probably dick around on here for a bit before nodding off#if you respond and i dont get back and im still posting thats why#ill get back to you tonight#anyway to get ready for bed!
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so heyyyy.... how y'all doin......
#did you know that seasonal depression can sometimes just last all year round and JUST be depression? i didn't!#anywho ummmm im back idk how much or in what capacity BUT ill be getting to asks at the very least!#sorry for ditching yall i truly didnt mean to life just unfortunately finds a way (/derogatory)#personal#edit: i may not get to asks TONIGHT. but ill get to them!#im a busy bee rn
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i have no mouth and i must scream speech but for about insomnia hate hate hate let me tell you how much i have come to hate being awake
#took half an expired tops brand unisom . wheeeee medicine that does nothing and then the next day you're groggy for twelve hours#but i have to do SOMEthing if i don't Try to make myself sleep that's Giving Up and if you Give Up . well#this is the second week in a row that ive failed to sleep on a night leading into the work week and i know most of the external reasons why#like. busy day tomorrow so anxious. haven't given myself a full weekend in a really long time so strung out.#had important stuff to do earlier that didn't happen so dwelling on that. woke up at 9am and wasn't out of bed until ten thirty so like#i got more than adequate sleep last night but this does not make me feel less worried about NOT sleeping TONIGHT#because again. every time i have a night of big insomnia im convinced that it's the beginning of an unending trend#that will make me wind up like my mother who is lucky she gets more than three hours of sleep every couple of weeks#and while she's done this her whole life qnd has adjusted to it (as much as a body can) i just know. based on how insomnia is for me#that i never could. it would be exactly as terrible every time i would never be able to be calm while it was happening#anyway everybody send me your best knockout gas#AND. it's SNOWING. fuck everything i hate it all#tomorrow im gonna be groggy as hell and have to drive to work and back and have to be With It bc we're doing activities and shit#and have to be like the model of library enthusiasm when i barely have that on a good day. and not actually physically groan#every time someone new wants a card because it means i have to interrupt what im doing dor the next fifteen minutes to say a spiel#i know i shouldn't hate that i should be glad we're getting engagement. and i am. i just wish i wasn't the one at the desk#and im not good at keeping that off of my face or being welcoming when i dont feel welcoming#i haven't gotten to do processing at my actual office desk in months. haven't gotten to be Off The Floor#which certainly hasn't helped my overall stress levels. i need to not be socially on so much it's slowly pulling me apart#and then i get home wnd im too tired to do anything and my house also falls apart around me#but if i DON'T have outings i also rot . there's no solution to this problem. not without quitting my job which ill never do#bc in today's market id never get anything half as good as this ever again. and as has been established. this relatively good job#is still not good enough for me not to be emotionally and mentally falling apart
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small fyi that pint.erest is following tumblr in its use of pulling everything on the site to train its ai, canvas. you can select out of this option just like tumblr luckily by going into your privacy and data settings and deselecting the option that should say along the lines of: use your data to train pinteres.t canvas.
#❛ ♡ › jupiter : 𝐨𝐨𝐜.#havent completely read the email but chose this option immediately.#remember to opt out where you can!!#me getting back into the pinning era if only to be crushed like this#work is pretty sweet atm so im hoping tonight ill have my writing posted and ... ill be a rper again (aka write a load more)
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BRO


Im crying
#juno shot at the sun with a fuckin squiffer#i went to go hit the fresh button back at them & i saw their locker changed#10/10 i love to see it#if you see this you have gr8 locker artist skills#also that I'm sorry i was so bad tonight PFFT#This morning i was doin clam blitz & had like a baseline of like 10-15 kills#& tonight i was struggling to get like THREE#they were very kind tho & had the most encouraging booyahs. nice to have even when im getting sniped in the back of the head :}#however ended on a high note being back to 10 kills & we won the match#ALSO I S RANKED TODAY very happy with myself#moving up in the world#okay okay ill shut up now. im tired so i rant a lot aight let me have this#chonny jash#moss post#KJ rants too much again
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Thank you
Thank you too
#(i have loads of nonys left but i have to get back to work) (ill see you tonight)#thank you all of you. my heart feels full to bursting. we're here!!!! we are breathing and living although its hard!!! look at us!!
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#i hate when i realize i havent seen a blog name on my dash in a while and i get concerned like#'did they deactivate? or get banned?'#no dumbass. you got blocked.#again.#i dont even know what i did#like its fine to block me yes please use the site as intended#but i enjoyed seeing their content on my dash so like. im sad.#and i cant help adding this to the long list of 'evidence that im a horrible person that ppl merely tolerate'#im too weird and mentally ill for the weird and mentally ill site#cant hold down family or friends or mutuals or followings.#i really was made to go it alone i guess#i could cry more about all that shit but im all cried out for today. i shouldnt have even concern-checked their blog#was already in a shitty state of mind and now im back to a traumatic part of my past again like fuck#i need a fucking break man#im gonna try n sleep today off. it was a disaster for me fron the moment i woke up. even before that. i had nightmares all night.#really hope i can sleep and dream about nothing tonight so i can start over tomorrow and hopefully not get yelled at while i...#...continue to not advocate for my own safety bc doing so would put my other safety in danger lol#i hate it here man i hate being trapped alone and constantly on eggshells irl and online#i dont want to do this ugh#'but at least a flowerpot didnt fall on me in the shower' (didnt get to shower bc of the hell this morning)#delete later / /#personal / /#vent / /#mental illness / /
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today just will not let me rest huh. reasons are in the tags but i get very emotional just be warned
#hush n shush wifi#just a tad sad#actually more like angry as shit#okay let me TELL YALL about my day#first: the annoying#i was going shopping at a grocery warehouse and you know how those parking lots are always super crowded?#well it was. there were no parking spots and there were so many cars and people trying to go everywhere#i scraped my wheels too which is fine but one of my relatives who likes cars acts like it's a sin#so that shook me up enough that i didn't go outside for the rest of the day#and THEN#OHHHH AND FUCKING THEN.#if anyone remembers the absolute ass of a person from last year who i thought was my friend but said horrible things to me out of the blue#WELL THEY CAME BACK#i never got a chance to block them initially because they blocked me first#BUT I GOT FUCKING MESSAGES FROM THEM TONIGHT#AND ALL THEY WERE SAYING WAS ESSENTIALLY THAT THEY MEANT WHAT THEY SAID#they said some bullshit about the execution being wrong and that their ex wrote it for them#which by the way is just scummy on its own#and that they get mad emotionally which is a horrible excuse#and had the AUDACITY TO ASK IF I HAD ANY QUESTIONS#IN WHAT DELUDED SELF CENTERED WORLD DO YOU HAVE TO LIVE IN TO THINK I WOULD EVER WANT TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN#my trust is a VERY VERY FRAGILE THING#AND THIS IS A VERY LARGE CONTRIBUTOR TO IT#this isn't an apology. they regret none of it#this is a way for them to make themself feel better#the scariest part is that this person by now is almost/IS an adult#which is terrifying if that means there are more people like that out there#i try not to wish ill will but i genuinely hope no one ever has to suffer through being their 'friend' ever again#anyways they're blocked on all of my platforms now.#if the person is somehow reading this. hi! never talk to me again. you're a horrible human being with no consideration for other's feelings
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Looking at my testament art from last year like hm yeah this isnt great but if i found these images on some old fansite or art account or smth id freak it n this does help
#i should draw testament again. maybe not a new piece every day for a month this time. slow down bud#thats how you get burned out for another year.#id love to get to a point where im comfortable sharing anything lol#new laptop should be coming tonight… maybe ill draw… i have other things i wanna do with it though…#MAN im glad i backed up most of that art. i think i only lost 2 that i did a little later…#i have screenshots of the files but regrettably testament offering you mysterious liquid and lighting a cigarette for exe beast is gone sad#the kat goes meow
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Hi!! Your Cherik is so good and gorgeous 🤩🤩 If you don't mind wanna try to draw some Fall of X Cherik please?
thank you so much !!
i have a couple of ideas relating to the fall of x period specifically since theres. A Lot i wanna play with, so i hope this lil thing may be a satisfactory start :]]
and the obligatory bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#fall of x#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#for clarity on of this tag ramble im calling magneto max OK ok#sorry it took me a while to answer- ive been busy this week !#but yah like i said theres a lot of Fall Of X moments i wanna poke at#one i really wanted to doodle around was max's time with the shadow king from Resurrection of Magneto#the third issue is prob my fave in general if im so tbh .... but i wont prattle bout that ill go back to my previous prattle#i dont think i have a comic in mind prob just a doodle with shadow charles....#i mean if im devious enough i can def turn it into a comic but for now i just know i wanna do something with that#honestly even this moment i might revisit when i have more time to draw something. a lil better#i dont hate this its a sound start- but i THINK i wanna draw a smooch. a lil kiss. idk we'll see#cause im cheeky like that. 'will this be the last time i see you' 'girl idk we can kiss about it though' etc etc#god not to get off topic but im so curious what will happen with these two ... but thats for a diff post i guess#honestly if you guys have any runs i should read lemme know !! i just finished way of x and bar that ive just been reading the 60s issues#i have a couple on my list i wanna check out but im always excited to look into recs if yall think theyre worth it !!#but ya. thats all from me for now#my time is so finite this week i hope i can draw these sillies again soon .. i have a lot of ideas i fear#maybe i can sneak in one more doodle tonight ... <- doubtful
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im ao sleepy chat do we think laying down on the bed and taking my glasses off and getting under my blanket will help me relax and not fall asleep and it'll be fine???
#STUPID KIDS#gonna gather them allllll to beds and tell the stupid bedtime story#and then#freedom#sleep#(and if they cant fall asleep for some reason...... not my problem sorry you can go watch tv and wait until your parents come back)#IM GETTING A GOOD NIGHTS REST TONIGHT IF ITS THE LAST THING ILL DO
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Do you mind dumping all of your thoughts on ebina for us?
i dont even know where to begin on ebina he just sucks major horse cock and i cant be swayed on this but ill put it under the cut for everyones sake. this is rambly as hell too idc i refuse to spend any more time thinking about ebina more than i already do
like what is his purpose. like i KNOW his purpose but it sucks- him being a Plot Twist baby is the dumbest shit in the world and they dont even ATTEMPT to do anything meaningful with it i do not care what anyone says
why even HAVE HIM be related to ichiban if he never even interacts with ichi in a meaningful way, esp when ichi's whole theme is family-- WHEN THE GAME IS LITERALLY ABOUT ICHI MEETING HIS MOM (or it was until they decided they didnt care about akane in the plot anymore)
like we mentioned it before here but if you have to have ebina related to a yakuza from the past for his ol Bring Down The Yakuza gig then why not make him an orphan from kazama's orphanage ???? literally nothing wouldve changed except it would've made more sense with how much kiryu deals with him instead of ichi. it wouldve been a great way to round things off with kiryu's saga too, what with having to confront the consequences of kazama's actions directly and finally and officially burst that fanatic bubble of his (i dont wanna HEAR nothing about gaiden that's not enough for me im GREEDY). theres something in here too about kiryu and daigo but i cant articulate it... i just know that wouldve been better too .... something something kiryu brought daigo into this life and now that he sees kazama 'bring' ebina into this life hes projecting ... idk ..
the game def didnt seem to give a fuck that ebina was arakawa's son considering they fucking revealed it in a bland-ass in-game cutscene FROM DAIGO OF ALL PEOPLE daigo respectfully why the fuck do you know this
i dont know how many people watch my streams but i was so obnoxious about ebina's villain monologue before his fight because its just ...... it just SCREAMS Hey You Guys Remember Aoki Right. fucking Masumi Arakawa Had Two Sons: One Who Loved Him And One Who Hated Him LITERALLY SHUT UP AND DIE I HATE YOU MASATO ARAKAWA WAS RIGHT THERE AND HE DID IT BETTER THAN YOU fucking stealing his bleach japan shit too. you might be able to steal bleach japan and piss me off about it the entire time because fucking everyone and their grandmother besides zhao seems to have forgotten fucking bleach japan but you can NOT steal Number One Hater Son from masato arakawa GET AWAY FROM HER 🗣️🗣️🗣️ 'why did masumi arakawa have to get himself killed' BECAUSE HIS NUMBER ONE HATER SON HAD HIM KILLED BECAUSE HE WAS A BETTER HATER THAN YOU SHUT UP
another thing that pissed me off to no end was the sawashiro shit fuckin Oh He Kept Him Alive Because He Wanted Him To Stop Him SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP I HATE YOU . i really wouldve preferred if they just killed sawashiro like old man why are you here- WE DIDNT EVEN GET TO SEE YOUR EYE GET GOUGED but im getting off topic. NOTHING bout what we've seen from ebina could convince me he Wanted To Be Stopped like absolutely nothing i dont want to hear this bullshit excuse. it is MERELY just reminding me of ichi being like 'i wish i couldve been there to stop you' @ aoki and its making me pissed
like im the only person who cares this intensely because im the only person who likes aoki enough like this and im trying NOT to mention him so much and just focus on ebina but its just so annoying... like its impossible NOT to see the parallels, especially when the game is practically bashing it into my brain every three seconds. like if we're talking aoki/masato-adjacent antags then i like eiji so its not the fact that HE IS aoki adjacent that pisses me off its just that he has no agency OUTSIDE of being a ghost of him. like there's nothing interesting about him in the slightest and he's barely even on screen why are you forcing me to give a fuck about this twat. if anything the one aoki thing i wish they did mirror onto him was dying at the end i do not care about this man
#iw spoilers#spoilers#snap chats#i think these are all my thoughts. or at least the very basics#point is Resident Aoki Fan Hates The Guy Reminiscent Of Aoki more at 11#its like .... aoki was an interesting antagonist for his reasons you cant just frankenstein them onto this rando motherfucker#most deviantart oc ass backstory too literally kill yourself#OK IM DONE FR NOW. i wanna DRAW TODAY#maybe ill finally update my ichi blog cause ive had a post sketched for weeks but i keep getting distracted on sundays#im also driving back to school later so .... heres to hoping i have energy tonight vjeLVKERJ#im drawing other bullshit rn .. lol..
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officially now have enough overtime to take an entire day off im gonna ask for this friday and if they don't give it to me I'm refusing to do any more overtime until they pay me the equivalent for it. WITH overtime pay. and I'll call in sick friday anyway lmao 👍
#last week they said one of the other techs could help but her schedule was too full today AND they gave me the samples an hour late#if it wasnt for that i wouldve actually been able to finish on time lmao#i wouldnt be mad if it was any other day of the week but its monday and im fucking pissed bc its my fucking gym day#and my gym friends are texting me like yayyy glad u were finally back last week see u tonight!! hahahaha no u wont 🙃#i deliberately scheduled overtime on tues and weds and NOT MONDAY THIS WEEK SO I COULD GO TO THE GYM!!!!#whatever my boss is back in tomorrow she'll let me take the time shes never denied me it before without good reason#ive been having to go thru her boss while shes been on holiday and hes just been a little bitch abt it he told me to go to him abt taking#my overtime and i was like okay i want these hours off and he was like ummm hang on lets wait until ur boss is back.... FUCK OFFFFF#im not doing this shitty assay more than once a day the rest of this week ive done it seven fucking times since last weds#EIGHT if you count the batch of substrate i made on friday that failed which wasnt my fault it just happens sometimes#7/8 is a pretty fucking high success rate ngl this one is usually temperamental as fuckkkk. christ im tired#i just need to eat n shower n then since i cant get to the gym tn ill get my kick in another way. or ill be fucking miserable tmr#its alllll good its fine. im coping :)#man i have way too much other shit going on to be dealing w work shit rn. altho in another way having work shit going on is a decent way of#channelling out the other shit i cant talk abt w anyone like well at least i can complain abt work even if i cant complain abt xyz#i guess. also i think my period is due..... its hard to tell bc my body hasnt gotten used to being off birth control yet#but there are signs......well at least if it does start i have a legit reason to pull a sickie. hope its not too excruciating anyway 🫠#fuuuuucking hell and its only monday!!!!!!!#.vent#.diaries
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As much as purity culture IS penetrating fandom spaces and sanitising them beyond their core intent, I feel like some of you are overusing the phrase "don't like, don't read" (and others like it). Rather in response to people being nitpicky about certain themes merely existing in content (fan-made or otherwise), you guys keep using it as a way to shut down critical discussions of your favourite medias in a way that feels oddly anti-intellectual and ironically puritanical in and of itself.
#my post#this isn't the only phrase this is being used for btw this is just the one I used as an example#“let people enjoy things” is also another big one#like I get why you'd be so hostile after so many people who are uneducated on fandom etiquette invaded our spaces and flipped them#upside down with the vitriolic cringe culture they cling to#but I feel like we're losing sight of our goal here#purity culture is a problem but someone isn't a “tiktok puriteen” for criticising your favourite media#freedom of speech means freedom to criticise#you can't advocate for a free and chaotic fandom space and then get mad when a fandom space is exactly that#you don't care about purity culture invading fandom spaces you just want to believe in and do whatever you want#without anyone challenging you for it#bit of a ramble I don't really want to tag this because I don't want to kick the hornet's nest too hard but hghhh#like I so get where these people are coming from#like this isn't really a finger wagging “don't do this” post more is it a “let's not do this” post#I actually saw someone make this point a while back on instagram reels and I completely agreed with them#this thought kind of just clicked with me right now tonight as I actually went through the logical journey to reach that conclusion myself#so now it's more believable to me than just someone telling me their perspective and me not having enough knowledge or wisdom#at the time to 100% validate their perspective even though logically I may agree with it at the time#fuck I was gonna say something else but I kind of forgot#OH YEAH#because I was definitely in the mindset of “omg purity culture in fandom is ruining everything this is ass”#which I still agree with btw it's just important not to swing too far because there's still valid criticisms to be brought up in fandom-#and media and it feels reductive to boil it all down to “purity culture”#even though sometimes people's criticisms can be ill-informed and slightly ridiculous in the way in which you can tell that this is a#insecure younger teenager who clings to insanely high moral standards so they can soothe their secret insecurities about how they're#somehow secretly a bad person for not living up to said standards#trust me I've been there before. Both the former and latter. But this is my take for now as I feel it's more informed and nuanced#than before#oh by the way when I say I've been the former before I DON'T mean I was ever a proshipper ew lol#may take down later
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going to be going to sleep oh so soon but i need a palette cleanser first before i let myself try to sleep so im thinking about pomni
#fear i will be trapped in a few ocd spirals if i go to bed so im considering her to get my brain on the right track#i must imagine her sleeping cozily. except i dont think she does that in a normal way#no covers. worst sleeping positions known to man that you wouldnt ever think a person could sleep in#picky about temperature and light while sleeping too probably#she wouldnt LOOK comfortable but shed feel comfortable and thats what matters#pomni......#im glad im back home cus it means i can sleep holding her again#had like the worst time falling asleep last night super stressed (until i imagined a wagon. like an image of one. and it soothed me. fsr.?#literally cannot fathom why)#and im choosing to believe thats cus i didnt have pomni with me#ill also have the dogs with me tonight for the first time in . years maybe?#oh i just remembered i never did smth shit ok post cancelled i need to go do that
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as promised, please find a little bit more about my cxm and cupi.para muses below!
colla.r x malice has so much untapped possibilities it's actually amazing! aij.i and mine.o are both former cops ( investigations and field ops specifically ) who are now part of a separate private investigation unit. they're absolutely perfect for your standard whodunnit plot: did your muse end up on the wrong side of town and become the only witness to a crime related to adonis? did your muse kill someone else and now has ended up having to play a seperate role? did they know the deceased, and may now have a key piece of information? these guys will be right up your alley!
talking about bodies ... kagey.uki, in turn, is a forensics scientist investigator. recently appointed as the head of the government mandated group investigating the same group that aij.i and mine.os gang is. his area of expertise is profiling. he's going to be at the crime scene, but he's also going to want to get to know people around the crimes at the same time. if you're looking for a bit of spice in your life, we could explore the route of an prolific interview, a conversation where it's clear he is analysing your muse to an extremely dedicated level! he has another side of him that is more spoiler specific, so if you're looking to go further into his route / character please feel free to message.
kei has a bit more of a ... unique route. the only character who isn't directly linked with investigations but rather an special officer himself. his role is mainly bodyguarding influential figures, such as politician's or celebrities. his current goal is hanging around aij.i yana.gi and his team because they are his latest group to protect! the fact i've written him for at least 2 years without getting a bodyguard plot is insane :( please let him protect your muse. or, what if ... your muse is going against the person he's going to protect? who doesn't like a fight?
saeki can follow the same path as them all regarding crimes but truthfully as an officer he'll be handling much else outside of it. he's also a frequent bar goer who is ... pretty infamous for doing silly things went drunk. he's just a silly little guy. ( with some spoiler related plots but feel free to dm for those!)
with them all having such unique characters the idea of dynamics where people meet them for their eccentricities / unusual personalities but then meet them when they're on the job. so they can see both sides of the dynamics, muse specific though - i think they all kinda deserve a childhood friend. a.iji was a bit of a delinquent and kageyu.kis is a bit spoilery ... but something about having someone by your side is very. yeah!
cupi.d parasite has some great characters. shelb.y snail is a ceo for a massive corporation: cup.id corp. black tie events, business meetings and deals could also be a potential avenue for other potential business based muses. to flip side this. his route has one of my favourite plot points: fake / pretend relationship. not to live your lynette dreams but ... i think fake / pretend rel plots are fun. they dont have to end with love, our muses can actually hate each other. lets see who poisons the glass first, shall we?
rau.l is actually the loml but also an famous actor of many action movies. he grew up, and still has interest in, archaeological sites. does your muse tend to go exploring places like this on their own? even find themselves easily lost in museums or other places holding immense history? he's right up your own alley! he's an absolute fountain of knowledge and always happy to ... overshare, perhaps. ive spoken about them before but he's infamous in having fwb relationship - come on, fwb with an actor??? can you say no to that???
alla.ns occupation isn't as star studded, but that doesn't mean he isn't involved in a lot of scandal. is your muse struggling to get over someone they love? well, alla.n is particularly your type for the fact he loves that sort of thing. there's a, uh, supernatural secret hes holding but that is ... a secret unless you wish to be spoiled or have played the game. either way we can play around with this twist just as much, too!
to list gil.ls occupation, there's simply a major list: ceo, author and editor. compared to shel.by who comes off as work oriented, gil.l is very much understanding to the personal balance, to which he will be a strong advocate of spending time for your house too! anyone who is a fan of literature, perhaps even love stories, may find themselves interested in the: ' love letter to you series ', which him meeting a fan who has read his works? would be such a cute idea. or someone who reads it and finds his way of writing not quite so great ... the angst would be so fun: the cliche, he's right behind me moment isnt he? gil.l wont take offence, he'll just simply understand and call it a day.
these guys are notorious for being liked but similarly rejected, professionals at being dumped on dates and infamously known on a dating companies list as the most problematic customers. talking to them about love would truly be a fun twist, though simply being their friends and living through whatever they have to offer is also another flick of the switch. i really want more black tie threads, and i think they bring the perfect opportunity for that!
#❛ 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 ⧽ — ooc.#ill post piofio.re ideas tomorrow this got super LONG.#theres probs more i can think of but i tried to keep it as spoiler free as possible#these two fandoms r probs my least used ... id consider piofio.re a lil bit above bc im very much like!!#over it. but heres some ideas ... if you are struggling on picking muses and do want a more modern based / every day fandom <3#im gonna be getting to dms tonight and thinking this weekend may just. send any meme i see? time to get back to the grind of sorts ... im#ready to write and WRITE SOME MORE
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