#ik ik i dont need to feel that way
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it's almost like... if you play a movie in 10 cinemas worldwide, it doesn't do as well as it could 🤯🤯
#btw ik this is actually quite good i just wish sapphic films were given the chance to do as well as other movies#the way i need to leave the country if i want to see it#AND I DONT EVEN LIVE IN A SMALL COUNTRY I LIVE IN FUCKING AUSTRALIA#this is not aimed at the op btw they're just reporting it#anyways feeling anger#bottoms movie#bottoms 2023#rachel sennott#ayo edebiri#ruby cruz#havana rose liu#nicholas galitzine#kaia gerber#wlw#lesbian#sapphic#elainposting
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my pharmacy just refused to give me, an 18 year old trans man, my testosterone that I have been prescribed and have been taking for 2 and a half years, on the basis of "we just don't want to" because of the cass report. I am legally an adult. I want this whole country to burn.
#there's no way that's legal right??#ik testosterone is a controlled substance#but like#i have a prescription#yeah it's controlled but it's not controlled by you#i have the prescription#tw transandrophobia#“i dont feel comfortable giving that to you”#i dont feel comfortable standing here pretending i dont want to punch you in the face but here we are#transandrophobia tw#transandrophobia#transphobia#transphobia tw#tw transphobia#where's jigsaw when we need him#john can you play a game with the pharmacist thanks#im in the UK btw#england specifically
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Thoughts b4 bed, this...got ridiculously long..SKIP TOWARDS THE END for my Peri and Dev idea I'd like to personally see if you don't care about my godparenting ramble. 💖 (I marked it with a star for easy spotting.)
Godparenting is self harm (in certain situations). You CANNOT pair a fairy, who has basic empathy, with a child who is being neglected and/or abused, and expect them to NOT get attached or to love them.
Cosmo and Wanda loved Timmy. They were his parents!!
Juandissimo loved Remy. He couldn't move on from him.
It's also horrible for the kids when they get a fairy who doesn't develop that parental/guardian relationship.
Peri failed Dev because he remained distant and overly professional. (I'm not saying he didn't care, that's a whole other debate. I'm just saying he was not what Dev needed. Dev needed a Cosmo, Wanda, or Juandissimo.)
I'm sure other fairies failed kids in similar situations, maybe even worse, because they didn't want to fall into that emotional trap. It's BEYOND hard not to. You would have to be extremely hardened, dissociated, or heartless in order to do that.
At least the kids get to forget their failed experience.
Fairies have to remember. They have to remember for the rest of their lives that they either:
A) Got bonded with a kid and had to say goodbye, a type of goodbye that's honestly like a funeral. You will never see each other again (except in passing. But you can't contact them.) The loss and yearning would be too much for anyone.
B) Have to remember that they couldn't bond with the kid and thus failed them. They failed that neglected/abused child. That child had to grow up with their abuse without any escapism because you had to remain professional and throw away your whimsy. I'm CONVINCED Peri is NOT the only fairy to be annoying about "da rules". I'm actually pretty sure that's the NORM because of how all the fairies reacted to Cosmo and Wanda with Timmy.
Going into fairy godparenting, knowing that you could come out with either outcome, is self harm to me, (SH is doing anything that you KNOW will hurt you physically or emotionally, it can be any number of things! JS this here because people have a VERY narrow view about what counts as SH!) and really makes me overthink about like...
Fairy mental health? How does fairy therapy look like for these situations? I kind of envision it similar to ppl IRL who work with abused kids need therapy, yet they keep going. They keep moving on and helping kids (or doing their best to).
⭐️All this to say my idea for Peri and Dev:
I would love for Peri to learn from his situation with Dev and why it didn't work. I know ppl want them to get back together asap, but tbh I think a slow burn would work best, for Peri's mental health. I think Peri should shadow his parents and Hazel for a bit, and learn/see how they do things, including how they interact with kids. I think Peri needs some self reflection first.
My idea is this:
Peri shadows his parents for awhile and does some self reflection. While he shadows his parents, he watches Dev from afar. Not like, intently like some ppl HC, just in passing. Like Dev will interact with Hazel and Peri will make passing remarks like "he's a good kid", (if him and Hazel are getting along) or "oh, Dev.." (if he does smth rude to Hazel)
Eventually, smth happens to Dev that finally seals it for Peri, he has already been meditating on everything for awhile, but whatever happens to Dev is the final straw. (I wonder what happens??) And he gets permission to be Devs godparent again and then bursts in to save Dev!
(this would all happen maybe thruout the whole season, and this event would happen at the ending of S2? Ik ppl would be impatient for that, but!! I think it would work best AND be a rlly satisfying season conclusion!!) and a rlly good start for S3 (iiiif we got all that lmao, I'm being VERY hopeful that we get at least 3-4 seasons! which I shouldn't when S2 is still up in the air lol. oh well. I can dream.)
Uuuh. Yeah. IDk just some thoughts I've had. Sorry this was so long. If you read it then wow! I'm shocked haha. 💖 (bonus points if u read the tags hahaha)
goodnight. 💖💖
#dont feel obligated to read i just have brainworms#fop a new wish#dev dimmadome#fop anw#fop peri#fairly oddparents#personal#long#biiiig ramble#i want them to be happy!!! but i rlly think a lot needs to happen FIRST#im impatient too dw but letting peri ruminate needs to happen#i love peri but he just did not do a good job#and ik its prolly bc he didnt wanna get attached#maybe bc of timmy seperation#or bc he was always held in high standards and didnt wanna dissapoint everyone#either way he was not good imho#which tbh is good!!#it makes him complex and gives him room to grow for later eps!!!#makes things more interesting and makes a lotta fun possibilites!!#but yeah#blablabla
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roadside tongari snack break
#is the joke too niche?? whatever#did some digital doodling while i was sick bc i did Not trust my hands to stay steady enough to work on a traditional piece#i feel a bit better now. still working through some congestion but i dont feel on the verge of passin out no more 👍#nicholas d. wolfwood#vash the stampede#tongari the snack#trigun#98 or trimax continuity idc#either way i need to draw wolfwood with scruff or i Die#drawing#comic#illustration#artists on tumblr#small artist#manga#my art#fanart#not explicitly vashwood BUT. drawn with it in mind :3#anyway tongari the chip has to exist somewhere on no man's land for wolfwood to nickname vash after it. right#somehow this very specific japanese snack made it#ik nightow did not think that hard about worldbuilding but fuck it. tongari chips on no man's land
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I dont think Mob is naive as much as he's socially unaware, like the reason why he trusts Reigen so blindly is a bit more complex than just him being naive
Cause Mob reached out to Reigen because he was desperate to find someone like him, someone who understood his psychic specific issues, someone that could truly know what he's feeling and going through and give him guidance and support
Post incident Mob's thinking process was something along the lines of my powers hurt people -> my powers are bad -> my powers (my emotions, my instincts, myself) cannot be trusted
So he lost all confidence and trust in his own actions, resigning to being as passive as possible to avoid any further damage to anyone else, thus he started doubting his own perception of reality too
He's a kid already struggling with being ostracised for being socially inept, who just got traumatised and all of his insecurity increased by the tenfold, he doesn't know how to process what he's going through. He needs help.
And here comes Reigen, seemingly reliable, a responsible adult in a child's eyes, someone who claims he can understand him
Even tho Reigen doesnt. But it doesn't matter, because Mob finds comfort in his words and takes them to heart
Even if Reigen doesn't fully get it, even if he doesn't see the bigger picture, even if his advice isn't always the best
Eventually, Mob grows up, realises Reigen isn't as honest as he seemed through his 11 year old perspective, but like most things, he refuses to acknowledge it on a deeper level
Mob knows, but never tells Reigen, never thinks about what all those lies mean to him (ofc until he forces himself to face those doubts regarding Reigen, to properly acknowledge both of their flaws and accept them as they are, I should scream into the void about Confession Arc more God)
Due to his lack of trust in himself, Mob has relied on Reigen for years now to shape his moral compass, his thoughts, his decisions
Because well, Reigen lies, sure, but he isnt a bad person. When he hurts Mob, it isn't intentional or with ill intent, he still wants the best for him, what's the issue?
Except that it stunts Mob's growth. He doesn't develop as a person, doesn't have goals or wishes or ambitions, can't make choices on his own, he doesn't even let himself acknowledge his own emotions, he refuses to let himself exist
But Mob realises in time that he wants more than that, he wants to become better and be independent and feel again
Still, he puts the acknowledgement of the lies on hold for as long as he can, unwilling to question the way things are
This can make him feel a little naive, he constantly relies on Reigen and trusts his decisions and raises questions rarely until separation arc when he finally puts his foot down
And I do think that moment is the most resounding proof we have that Mob knows and allows himself to be used by Reigen, not wanting to shake the status quo, until he gets fed up
I mentioned the social ineptitude at the beggining but idk if I should even elaborate on that, you've watched the show, you know what I mean
He's blunt and can't read social cues or tonality that well and can't speak in front of crowds and is overall pretty awkward and I do think some people conflate that with naivety
Mob is still a child, he doesnt fully understand how the world works at the ripe age of 14 years old, but some folks take that as him being inherently naive/innocent/whatever which I don't find true
#ppl do a similar thing with seri but for different reasons but i do think in his case its worse cause thats a whole ass adult#anyway. i dont think im saying anything new i just wanted to ramble <3#i missed mobposting what can i say#ik i saw somebody talk about this in a more eloquent way but i doubt i could find the post cause i dont think i rbed it so rip#mp100#mob psycho 100#kageyama shigeo#that ova needs to come out already im going insane#cine te a intrebat#also hope i didnt come off as too negative towards reigen or smth#but like. my favourite part of confession is him saying (i didnt know!) LIKE YEAH. U DIDNT. LMAO.#ppl treat him as a bit too reliable sometimes and dont give him a lot of room to grow like Reigen isnt even 30 yet!! he aint that old!!#he still needs to get HIS own shit tgt before giving out advice just saying. also he totally doesnt understand mob fully. how can he??#he never mentions the incident with ritsu and considering mobs inclination of never telling anyone anything unless prompted#i doubt he knows... like reigen genuinely doesnt know the extent of mobs trauma!! when he said I Didnt Know he meant that shit!!!!!!#which is like. fine. cause to me whats important is how he always wants to protect mob and support him and help him#even if he doesnt always know how. even if advice backfires. hes always there and hes always trying and hes just as human and flawed as mob#himself#ig what im getting at is just that im bothered by the Flavour of reliable adult fandom is giving him. hes a lil pathetic and#fucks up sometimes and thats fiiiiiine. i feel like i talked shit about reigen but i do think hes a good guy and IS reliable just not in the#gives great advice way. but in the Knows How To Talk And Bullshit His Way Through Everything and Has Genuinely Good Intentions (usually)#and will throw away all of his self preservation if the situation requires him to. his advice is good but can be vague idk ONE rlly managed#to balance his pathetic side with his helpful reliable side and i dont think i articulated it the best way but like.... hes simultaneously#pathetic and sad but also the most sane and reliable adult in this show. rant over see u next time byeeee
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#ran out of tags LOLLLL#and then .at least on fords end . be able to witness the moment of collapse . in which all his ‘righteous’ feelings r sucked out like a#vacuum or some star collapsing on itself bc not only is he like . having to come to terms w his own flaws#and the insidious like . stomach churning guilt associated w that but also the panic and fear (realized#w the portal or bills deception) into looking outwards and having that silent ‘oh’ moment where its like yeah#thats why he left . why wouldnt he#GRAAAAA LIKE I WANT DESTRUCTIONNN I WANT THINGS 2 FALL DOWN SO HE CAN FINALLY REBUILDDD#let me innn😭😭😭😭💥let me in to the self reflection those thirty years😭😭😭💥💥💥💥💥#who did you meet that reminded you of himm😭😭😭who wronged u in similar ways who gave u a reason to be betterrr whoo what did you see#and when you finally came back what did u FEEEL .. and dont lie and say there wasnt that wisp of nostalgia laced arnd ur heart#girl…..talk to me focus on me u know me u know these things#stanford pines#gravity falls#sry for taggingn these i need it for my own blog i prmmy i need to reference this . i will#ok im back bc i read fords end snd i want to rip my hair out bc fiddleford has such good ‘collapse’ imagery too#like we liteally got the soc of the blind eye videos . HIS DOCUMENTSRYYY#oohhhits rly over for us (me) now (and stanford and fiddleford.and stanley bc i feel bad excluding him💔)#only talking ab ford bc i need a reason to connect it to stan bc im sick in tbe brain and i need the familial conflict aspect too#but fidds .. ur misery does not go unnoticed by me ‼️#anyways. ik i said idc if they didnt get back together but the beauty of multiplicity is also liking the idea#HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHlike whenb im over the conflict im like dude they went through so much tgether it must be nice to find urself in the#familiarity again. uugughh.AUUUH./
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i havent met a single megumi hater who didn't miss the entire point of the fucking manga
#the point of jjk is to allow children innocence#without burdening them with the ridiculous complexities and nonsense of the adult world#not making people fight battles for you etc#“why is megumi so unmotivated” HE DOESNT WANT TO BE HERE#he feels a) protective of his sister and b) indebted to gojo thats IT#“whys megumi so depressed he needs to be better”#i hate u specifically hes fifteen hes watched everyone ranging from people he loves to mildly likes die brutally#hes a sorcerer for the same reason im a pharmacist im good enough at it and i dont want my family to be poor#its apparently too much for the basement dwellers to image a fantasy world where people dont want to be forced to fight#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#megumi fushiguro#tsumiki fushiguro#gojo satoru#my posts#text post#ik theres a better way to put what im trying to say#every time i see a megumi hater its always oh hes useless in fights or oh hes depressed#genuinely i hope you get media literacy skills one day
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Does anyone have any tips to help stop yourself from comparing your artwork to others, or equating your value as an artist with likes and reblogs?
I've struggled with this for a while and it's getting old, I don't know how to just shrug it off. Any genuine advice would be nice
#its just bygging me bc i know rationally they dont matter i knoe they dont#but i still feel it in my bones that im not good enough because my work doesnt circulate on platforms#i paint for fun and then i post and i get these feelings and theyre so goddamn annoying#i know to just keep posting anyway and try to enjoy the ride but my Depression Brain is such an asshole#i wish it would be quiet#i never used to feel this way either until likes and reposts/reblogs became so integral to social media#on top of needing commissions to get by while looking for work and attending school soon#idk maybe this is just a vent and ik no one can Fix it that simply#i guess im just speaking 2 the void rn and maybe others feel the same#*bugging#and i really am so grateful just to know anyone likes it or comments on it and reading feedback really really means so much#but i feel like unless im pumping out specific fandom stuff that doesnt really happen#but the negative thoughts and feelings can b rly strong sometimes and im just tired#im sure this is a depression thing too#hoping i can get into therapy thru school but it depends on finances as everything else in this world does 🫠#ill keep going tho#and please if you are someone who does comment or reblog and say something about the work please do not ever stop#it means so much to me and others im positive it does#i see you and i appreciate you so so much#thank you and thank you to anyone who reads or comments some ideas
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the bs going on in my life is so horrendously terrible im going to (remembers suicide jokes just serve to help make me more suicidal) kill the authoritarial figures that i once truly knew and loved and trusted that i can no longer offer my true love and trust to due to the harm that they have dealt to me and those that surround us, ultimately allowing those that have been affected by their prejudice and oppression to be free even at the cost of willingly trapping myself in a death timer.
#i couldnt remember how the original joke went word-for-word so heres a shitty paraphrasing of it#ultrakill#yeah this is about gabriel#mel/tav/fugo/marcy rambles#suicide tw#long tags#vent#its also (in a joking way) about how shit my life is atm#i might be physically seperated from my mother but she still demands i stay in contact with her and i just. i cant do that#i hate her. i really hate her.#and i feel like if im going to really get anywhere in life i need to drop out of college and get *Away* from her#because she's too much of a controlling force in my life and she refuses completely to relinquish any of that control#so that i might have any of my own independence#i feel like i need to do something drastic and sudden if i want to live the way ive been longing to for so long now.#which. in my case. id be moving in with one of my online friends across the country#taking as much as i can with me and heading over#ik that might sound bad but ive known them since i was literately 12 and they were like 15 when i met them and i dont trust anyone else#as much as i trust them#and they could wait for me but i Can Not Fucking Wait. i need to get out of here#im sick of waiting for year upon year to get out of this hellhole and get away from my parents#only for me to be unable to really do that.#i just need to break the connection in its entirety.#god. ugh. sisyphus and mirage and gabriel ultrakill please grant me the strength to do this.
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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[pacing] no but actually what did they put in close wars maul to make him so hot like what was that
#like the answer is passion obviously (and sam witwer voice) but it still makes me climb the walls lol#like its genuinely insane to me watching the maul episodes like i said this to my friends bu like#everything with him feels so indulgent#the animation the expresions the voice acting the delivery the Everything#like it feels like these peopel are just as excited to show us him#idk jsut like AUGH. AUGH [GNAWS ON THE BARS OF MY CAGE]#its interesting how like...hmmm how do i phrase this#i love rex more- obviously. but in the back of my mind with his animation im lwys kinda sitting here like#'you do not look 20-26 like ur supposed to man' and like dont get me wrong. still hot (though without the helmet mayb like post s3 ehehe)#(side note rex is just as hot with the helmet. sometimes hotter. sometmes the other way around but like. sometimes hotter. im right)#still [stares at him carnally] but i think the him in my minds eye simulatneously looks like show him but a little younger looking lol#whilst i dont have that caveat with maul i need no compartmentalisation (however small)#so instead i just watch like eeeoeuouoguhouogeuouuhh#(which to be fair i do with rex too but maul is in a lot less episodes so they really drive him in. so it feels like big induglent treat)#luke rambles#god im gonna tag this for archival purposes but ik this'll end up in the tgs KGDNSGJSGDS ah well#sw#tcw#maul#i will also say specifically tcw maul like rebels maul is fine but he loses a lot of his cuntiness and eatability persoanlly#which is fine its mostly the rebels animations fault lbr
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one of the funniest things I've had happen in therapy was my therapist's failed technique that banked on me being idk like. nice. "ik people probably think I'm annoying/stupid/crazy when I'm forced to express a need that most normal people don't seem to have" "well would you feel that way about other people who have similar needs to you or other uncommon needs?" "I mean I wouldn't like, say it to them, but yeah probably" & she just didn't know how to respond lmao
#really what i need help w isnt 'see yourself how youd see other people' type shit but dismantling the beliefs ive been forced to internalize#since early childhood that if you (the general you) need something that 'no one else ever needs' or is 'weird' or uncommon or even just#something that could pote tially be questioned then thats Bad & Wrong & you should absolutely just hide it or if youre unable to then you#need to at least downplay it as much as possible. like ik logically it isnt fair or right to think that way but 'dont rock the boat or draw#attention to these things' is just how i feel overall about these things. sigh#texticles#idk i guess a lot of people have a 'this is fine for everyone else but not me' thing that i simply dont. like im not gonna ever be mean abt#it to other people or anything but i still havent uninternalized this shit & it applies across the board
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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im a eurydice = solas truther btw and ill die for my beliefs
be so serious........ and lavellan as orpheus......
#I NEED TO BE LOBOTOMIZED. TRULY.#i dont even know where to start i feel like i cant even post abt this bc theres no way all my thoughts can fit coherently lol#like the 2nd act/hadestown soul-selling business is just solas committing to his goals....#who would win eurydice/solas ''i walk the dinan'shiral - there is only death on this journey'' or orpheus/lavellan walking it anyway lol#to find them and bring them home again#also if the solas-is-a-spirit-that-mythal-bound theory turns out true then the hades = mythal parallels well. they are parelleling <3#''And the choice is yours / if you're willing to choose / Seeing as you've got nothing to lose / And I could use a canary'' HELLO????#ik the other popular interpretation is solas as orpheus but idk solas/eurydice just makes me crazy . it works so well#like theres that one interaction thats like#eurydice: “i havent seen a spring or fall since.... i cant recall”#orpheus "thats what im working on / a song to fix what's wrong / take whats broken#make it whole / a song so beautiful / it brings the world back into tune''#and thats very solas coded. BUT its also such a good parellel to high approval lavellan's fixing the world thru the inquisition/anchor#and thru their kindness and curiosity and all the things he thought were lost in arlathan. the things that make him think maybe shes Real#and it could all be real and worthwhile.#solas recognising the depth and personhood of lavellan thru their [from his pov endearingly naive] actions and spirit#''i havent seen a spring or fall since...i cant recall'' / ''you show a wisdom i have not seen since.... since my deepest journeys into the#ancient memories of the fade'' what if i lost my entire goddamn mind. what if i just completely lost it lol#ok im done im so sorry i feel like harrassing every single person ive ever met with this information like idek what to do with myself lol
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not going to lie i do find it quite upsetting that so many ppl think that animals that arent immediately relatable to humans are completely incapable of thought or feeling. and thats the only thing that matters when it comes to animal rights arguments a lot of the time
#like the take of ohhhh Well this animal is smart and shows emotions!!! it might even be smarter than humans!!!#as if that matters literally at all#like the argument abt fish or hamsters or w/e being stupid (wrong) so it doesnt matterrrrr if they dont get cared for properly#as if its ever ok to mistreat animals.#in general the idea around smaller or less relatable animals being worth less is super frustrating#like if u post abt microwaving ur hamster when u were 6 everyones like ‘lmaoooo i did the same thing’#but if u posted that abt a dog….? The Gallows#we shouldnt have to care abt mistreatment of animals bc theyre cute or funny or smart#i just watched blackfish again and it annoyed me how much ppl were arguing abt the orcas being so smart and emotional etc#which is true. but thats just smth that makes their captivity harder. u jnow. like if they were simple and had simple needs it would still#be wrong if they werent met#its just such a huge issue bc of how hard the needs are to meet in captivity#same as like. bears and shit. you physically cannot give them enough territory to stop them going insane#ik theres ppl who believe All captivity is wrong#like my strpmum is one who believes nobody should own Any pet#which is. Imo a stupid argument and not at all sustainable. ppl need companions thats why weve had dogs and cats for thousnads of years#but also they are such successful pets bc their needs are so easy to meet!!!!!#its this misconception that fish or rodents are Easy Beginners pets… in reality they are 100x harder. but their lives are worth less to ppl#bc they dont show love the same way#well. anyways im not very good at expressing my thoughts abt serious stuff#but its smth that rlly upsets me#its frustrating too bc ppl either dgaf abt animals aside from Maybe the cute ones or r too extreme in advocating for the freedom of animals#like u can absolutely give indoor cats proper enrichment. its just slightly more effort#and its not as simple as just. emptyinb out the zoos. READ ABT KEIKO!!!!!#i feel its a very interesting topic. but ppl r very b/w on it#idk i feel the majority of ppl know so little abt animals its like. impossible to get thru#like ok cool u think zoos r bad bc the lions get saddddd. but u also think snakes and bugs and rodents are nothing but disease spreaders#and cant also have complex lives#Tsk. Whateevr
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one of my friends tried to tell me i couldn’t have special interests because i didn’t have autism (i have adhd) and they were specifically an autism thing and im like girl idfk but i don’t think me being overly fixated on some fucking purple guy for over two years now, with my interest never wavering or fading, is a fucking neurotypical thing or just something goofy T-T
#btw she’s great i think she just is very specific about stuff now and it’s just like#sometimes you don’t need to control everyone’s language and how they express themselves#but i also understand that she doesn’t want neurotypical people to use neurodivergent language cause shes neurodivergent#but also#im neurodivergent#adhd#actually adhd#neurodivergent#adhd things#axel rambles#special interest#ALSO NOT 100% SURE I DONT HAVE AUTISM#ik i have adhd but i haven’t been tested for autism and it’s slightly likely#but im not gonna tell her that cause i don’t think she’d understand#AGAIN SHES GREAT i just feel like she’d take it the wrong way
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