#ignore this. i’m just baffled rn.

[demigodofhoolemere]

This is a formal plea for people on Facebook to get better reading comprehension skills.

I simply asked if there was any chance that the upcoming Tales of the TARDIS episode would go up on Disney+ for those of us in the US. I said I understand why the others were iPlayer only, because they’re not related to the new era that’s connected with Disney, but that I think it would be weird if non-Brits were barred from watching something that very much involves the new series and its characters and plot. I said that I recently rewatched Pyramids of Mars on BritBox, so it’s not like seeing the story at all is the problem, just the new segments with Fifteen and Ruby, and that I think the rest of us should also be able to watch something that includes new content of them that’s relevant to what’s going on. I said I would not be surprised if the new segments showed up on YouTube like the others have, but that not everyone is going to know to look for it.

So far I have received these responses.

- Multiple people trying to tell me how and where I can watch Classic Who, including one baffling person who suggested BritBox, despite the fact that I clearly have BritBox. I said I have BritBox. I appreciate the attempts at help but I do not need help finding ways to watch Classic Who. I clearly have access to Classic Who. I never asked about Classic Who, I was blatantly asking only about the new Tales of the TARDIS episode, for the sake of Fifteen and Ruby scenes and not because I can’t find Pyramids or something.

- Someone telling me what time it will air on BBC4. That does not help me, as I already said I am in the US.

- Someone telling me that the other Tales of the TARDIS episodes were not put up on Disney+ but that clips are on YouTube. I mentioned in my original comment that I know the others were not put on Disney+ and expressed my awareness of the bookend segments being on YouTube.

Only one person was even vaguely helpful, and while it still wasn’t really anything to go on, this is the one and only person so far who seems to have actually understood what I was asking about. Either none of the others read the entirety of my question or the reading comprehension of people on Facebook continues to be worse than I thought.

[aemiron-main]

reminder that if u hate mike wheeler then will byers hates you 💗

(I don’t mean like affectionate hate I mean like Actual Hate, can’t stand him, using his character as ur punching bag 2 willfully/intentionally misinterpret and wrongfully assign fault to (not that Mike doesn’t have faults, but fault him for the things that Are His Fault not shit that Isn’t) etc like yes Will and Mike have their conflicts but will cares for him SO fucking deeply and does Not Hate Him)

[g1rld1ary]

the way i see you ; remus lupin x reader

➻ synopsis: you're an artist, but you never let any of your friends see your work. they finally attend one of your exhibits and see your feelings on paper

➻ word count: 4346

➻ content: swearing, allusions to sex, gryffindor reader but literally mentioned once, no pronouns but implied to be fem reader, kissing, no war AU!!

➻ the remus brainrot is strong rn

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You were an artist, you had been the whole time the boys knew you. Even in first year as a shy eleven year old, you were always scribbling away in a little sketchbook that lived in the big pockets of your robes. The hobby only developed as you got older, expanding mediums and filling countless sketchbooks. When you weren’t studying (or even when you were supposed to be) it was almost a given that you’d be working on a piece somewhere, far from the prying eyes of others.

Your friends caught glances of your art sometimes, doodles on the corner of your essays or notes, maybe a stray page left out in your dorm which told them you were good, but you never ever willingly let them see it. They didn’t know why, truthfully, you didn’t know either, but it had always been that way and everyone had more or less accepted that.

“Have you ever drawn me?” Sirius asked one afternoon as you all sat out by the Black Lake, cocky grin on his face.

“’Course,” You answered simply, moving to turn back to your conversation with Remus.

“Wait, really?”

“Well you have to have drawn me then, right? Can’t just be Padfoot!” James cut in quickly, making you laugh, nodding.

“Before everyone starts asking, lets just establish that I’ve drawn all of you at some point, okay?” You thought that would calm them down, but it only riled them up further, much to your chagrin.

“And you haven’t shown us?” Marlene cried dramatically.

“I deserve to see you capture my beauty!” Sirius collapsed in an exaggerated performance and you couldn’t decide whether you were amused or embarrassed, giggling and hiding your face in Remus’ shoulder. He merely pat you on the shoulder, shooting you a fond gaze you couldn’t see. James caught it though, and smirked in a way that Remus knew he was about to be embarrassed.

“Have you drawn Moony?” He asked, and you both looked at him suddenly.

“Prongs, don’t,” Remus said sternly, then turning to you, “It’s okay, you don’t have to answer… I know they must ruin the picture.” He gestured down to his scars. You just looked at him for a moment, utterly baffled.

“As if some silly scars would stop me from drawing you,” You said, a sweet smile on your lips, “You’re my biggest inspiration, Moony.” He blushed at that but the rest of your friends tactfully ignored it, though the boys shot him some shit-eating looks.

It was probably true that you drew Remus the most, but it was only because you spent the most time with him! Or, that’s what you told yourself anyway. Remus Lupin was your best friend in the world, and you loved him more than anything. Since you were always together and hanging out, clearly you’d draw him more, it was perfectly natural!

Your study sessions together in the library often devolved quickly, essays abandoned to the side, both of you falling into chatter as you studied and sketched him.

“What’re you drawing, dove?” He’d always ask, knowing you’d never tell. You’d simply press your lips into a cheeky smile, shaking your head resolutely.

“Uh-uh,” You’d say, “An artist never reveals her secrets.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s magicians, stupid,” He laughed, running a hand through his curls.

“Oh,” You frowned, “Well I’m that too, aren’t I?”

“Hardly,” He snorted, “Your essays are more doodles than writing.”

“Hey, Slughorn gave me a whole extra mark for the portrait I drew last week, so none of that.”

Or you’d follow him out of the pub you were all in when Remus needed a smoke, sitting on the blacked out window ledge as he lit up. You thought he might have been the most beautiful person in the world when he smoked, the way the lighter brought out the gold flecks in his eyes and hair and the shadows of night emphasised his unreal bone structure. You’d probably drawn him in that exact scenario hundreds of times, but it wasn’t your fault he looked like a fallen angel. When he leaned over to give you a puff you took it gratefully, if only for the proximity. You weren’t much of a smoker, but for Remus you’d let your lungs rot.

It was moments like that where you’d wonder what it would be like to kiss him, lean past the cigarette and put your mouth on his. Sometimes you thought he wanted it too, the way he’d get slightly too close for best friends, his own hand being the one to stick the dart into your mouth, sometimes so close your lips brushed his fingers. Moments like that made you wonder if he loved you back. Then later, when everyone was drunker, you’d see him stick his tongue down some prettier girl’s throat and you’d remember your place as his best friend. If it stung you tried not to show it, letting some sleazy guy a few years older than you buy you drinks until Peter told you it was time to leave.

Still, you were mostly alright with just being friends with Remus. You still got most of the benefits; his conversation, his dry humour, the ability to look at his gorgeous face. Who needed everything else? Plus, you could draw him whenever you wanted, doing whatever you wanted — not in a weird way. Mostly. You still would never admit that you’d drawn him holding your hand, or kissing you, or other things you desired… The magic of art, right?

After years of bugging, you finally submitted to your friends constant nagging. The day that you officially graduated Hogwarts was an emotional one. Seven years of constant laughter and magic (both literal and the sentimental kind) were over, and the world seemed too large and intimidating compared to the familiar walls of your school. Yet there was no stopping it, and you were all Hogwarts graduates.

While all your parents cried and reminisced over coffee in the Great Hall, your friends had gone for one last deep conversation by the Black Lake. Discussions of the future were unavoidable, but were mostly positive. Talks of trips you’d take, apartments you’d live in and hell you’d raise. When you all quietened down slightly, struck by it being the last time you’d sit in front of the lake, you cleared your throat.

“Um, I have something for you guys, a graduation gift.” From your purse you pulled the envelopes, all filled with fancy cardstock from the art shop near your family home. You’d drawn a simple grey-lead portrait of each of your friends, framed with a little message of congratulations. You watched anxiously as they each opened the envelopes, nervous all the hype would make the art seem inconsequential. Your fear couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Sirius gasped dramatically as he saw what it was, but a genuine smile followed straight after. James burst straight into tears, hardly getting the picture all the way out. You could tell Lily was trying not to follow, but seeing her boyfriend cry set off the waterworks for her. Marlene and Mary were inspecting the others, pointing out the little details you’d put in, like Mary’s favourite daisy earrings or the slit Marlene had impulsively shaved into her eyebrow only a few weeks before. Peter was bright pink, flattered to the highest degree. Remus was hard to read, simply staring at you with the strangest look in his eye. You couldn’t ask him about it though, being ambushed with hugs from every direction.

“I can’t believe you’ve been hiding all this talent from us,” Peter said, the rest agreeing.

“Didn’t know we had our very own Da Vinci hiding behind a Gryffindor tie,” Marlene added, making you blush and grin.

You dreaded to imagine what it would look like from an outsider’s perspective, the eight of you teary, sweaty messes all piled on top of each other. Well, seven of you.

“Come on, Moony,” James called in a sing-song voice, “If you can’t submit to a hug at our graduation I am going to give you the biggest, slobberiest kiss and you won’t be able to do a thing about it.” Remus snorted, rolling his eyes.

“You look like absolute wankers,” Was all he said, but joined the pile nonetheless, and you were extra glad he was mainly holding on to you. When you all finally pulled away it was minutes later, but the whole thing was strangely cathartic.

“We all have to promise that we’ll always be friends, no matter what,” Mary said, putting her pinky finger out. The rest of you agreed, sticking your pinkies in for a very convoluted eight way promise. With that sorted your friends started heading back up the hill to the school building, ready to leave Hogwarts forever and prepare for a long night of heavy drinking. Remus held you back. James sent you a suggestive glance when he noticed but left it that, drawing Lily in for a bittersweet kiss.

You turned to Remus, only for his eyes to be locked on the portrait. You’d spent so much time trying to get it perfect for him, practising the stupid knot he insisted on tying every day despite the rest of the school going with a less convoluted method of wearing their ties.

“Do you like it?” You asked, subconsciously twisting your ring around your pointer finger. Remus let out a half laugh.

“I love it, honest. It’s insane, really. That you can make this just like that. It’s just…” You searched his eyes for the rest of the sentence. “You make me look…” He didn’t finish but you knew immediately what he meant. Remus hated looking at himself, training his eyes down in the bathroom and opting to always be the photographer so he didn’t have to see himself in the final product. You knew of course it was because of his scars, but you genuinely couldn’t believe he thought they were ugly, much less made him ugly.

“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, just once,” You sighed, grabbing his free hand and interlocking your fingers, leading him back to where the others were waiting.

Four years out of Hogwarts and you’d all kept your promise. Of course you didn’t see each other quite as much as the boarding school schedule allowed, but the boys all had an apartment together which brought you together often enough — except James and Lily who were married and had moved down to Godric’s Hollow to raise baby Harry. That similarly brought you all to meet often, all determined to spoil Harry as his aunts and uncles.

You weren’t a full-time artist professionally, though you still did it just as much. You’d evolved to paints by then; living with a muggle because the rent was cheap had the added bonus of not having to worry about leaving your paintings on the easel since you didn’t really care what they thought about your art anyway.

Your friends were all huddled in the boys’ apartment living room, every seat taken as you all caught up. You were on the couch with Remus, absentmindedly running your hands through his hair as his head rested on your lap. You still weren’t dating, but Lily always said you might as well have been. You laughed her off every time — if he hadn’t said anything by now how could he feel the same way? You tried to pretend it didn’t still sting.

You’d tried dating, Remus too. He’d had countless partners since you’d finished school — even more one night stands. Nothing lasted more than a few months. You’d done slightly better, you made it about a year with some bloke that Remus hated before he revealed himself as a colossal dickhead, and you’d been mostly single since.

The group was trying to organise their next meeting.

“What about the movies next Friday? I wanna see that new muggle film, Knife Runner,” James suggested and you and Remus both snorted.

“Blade Runner, love,” Lily corrected with a giggle and James burst out laughing, making a quick joke at his own expense. You’d dug your planner out of your purse to check your availability and frowned, closing the book quickly.

“I can’t do next Friday, sorry, how about Saturday?”

“And what plans have you got on a Friday night, you minx?” Mary asked with wiggling eyebrows. Even Remus looked interested, which made your heart stutter.

“Just a work thing,” You answered quickly, not wanting to reveal the real reason.

“You lie like a rug!” Marlene yelled, sitting up from her spot on the floor. You winced, you shouldn’t have made an excuse that she could so easily disprove, being in the same department of the ministry. “What plans are you too embarrassed to tell us about, slag?” You laughed shortly, their assumptions were so completely off.

“It’s not what you think—”

“Not what you think my arse, who’s ‘Davis Show’ and why is he surrounded by hearts, you absolute tart!” Sirius cried, displaying the planner for everyone to see. You couldn’t help but burst out laughing, wheezing as you looked at your friends’ faux-scandalised expressions.

“Look you twats, Davis Show isn’t a man. I’ve been invited to put my art in a show at the Davis Gallery down on Welking Road next week. I can assure you I’m not shagging a man named Davis.”

The whiplash was immediate, the gossip sniffing exchanged for celebrations, you couldn’t tell whose yelling was whose. Peter immediately ran to the kitchen for a bottle of champagne, passing glasses around the room. When the initial excitement wore down you were subjected to a million questions, and tried to answer each of them patiently.

“I can’t believe you weren’t gonna tell us,” Mary pouted and you sighed.

“You know how I get about my art,” You explained, “It’s not that I don’t love you all, obviously, it just makes me so nervous thinking about you guys all seeing my stuff.”

“You know we’re all coming now, right?” James said, wiping his glasses where the champagne bubbles had created smudges.

“You really don’t have to,” You put in quickly, “It’s so embarrassing.”

“Why won’t you let us appreciate you?” Marlene whined.

“It’s just, my art is like an extension of my soul. I don’t think I’d be able to recover if you didn’t think it was good.” Your friends grew rowdy at that, offended you’d even think they wouldn’t adore your art no matter what. You felt Remus put a hand on your thigh and gave him a weak smile, knowing he’d shut down the conversation if you wanted him to. You didn’t want to make a big deal out of nothing though, especially when everyone was being so supportive. You figured everyone was so busy they’d forget it by the next week anyway.

Friday came, and you were a wreck of nerves. Although you’d sold pieces here and there throughout the years, this show would be the first time your art would be displayed as a collective, and you were terrified of rejection.

You’d figured your friends weren’t actually coming since none of them had really mentioned anything since. Apart from Lily, of course, who’d sent an owl to your desk that morning with a sweet good luck note and your favourite chocolate.

Even Remus hadn’t said anything when you went for coffee on your lunch break. That did puzzle you, you knew he would never go if he thought it would make you uncomfortable, but it wasn’t like him as your best friend to forget something so monumental in your life. You thought he was acting kind of weird though, more affectionate than he usually was. He kept looking at you longer than he should, and you wondered if you’d miscounted how far away the next full moon was. When you asked him about it he just brushed it off, looking down at his tea instead like he’d been caught.

“I love you,” He said and you laughed.

“I love you too, Lupin!” You cooed, patting him softly on the hand.

“You’re amazing, you know?” You arched a brow.

“What are you trying to make up for?” You asked suspiciously, giving him a once over to search for answers.

“Nothing, promise,” He smiled in a way that made your knees a little weak, “I just wanted to make sure you knew.”

“You’re gonna give me an ego,” You grumbled, packing up your things to get back to work. As you parted ways he pressed a kiss down to your cheek and you stumbled. Remus was never this affectionate as a person — a pat on the back, a hug if you needed one, yes, but he was never one for casual platonic kisses. You figured it must have been his way to apologise for not coming to the art show? But he knew you didn’t mind, so what was he apologising for? You tried to shake it off and get back to work, but you couldn’t get your closeness out of your head.

Evening fell and you were setting up your stall before the other patrons came in. Rearranging the paintings until you were pretty much perfectly happy, you looked around, still not fully believing you were really here. People were filtering in, well dressed and chattering softly as young waiters handed out flutes of champagne. You straightened out your silky black skirt in an effort to look more presentable, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

At first things were slow, and you almost regretted not inviting your friends, if only so they could make your area look more interesting. And once you let that thought in, you kind of regretted not inviting them anyway. After all, they were the dearest people in your life and this was such a meaningful event to you.

You couldn’t think about that for long though since people had begun to filter over to you, making polite small talk as they admired your paintings. You tried to be energetic, smiling widely if you ever locked eyes with someone. However, deep down, you just wanted your friends.

A little old woman approached you for a while, wanting to know the meaning behind basically every painting and you told her happily, sharing the memories that inspired each work.

“Seems like you’ve got some true friends,” She said, “I hope you keep them close.” You agreed, thanking her profusely as she bought a landscape of the Whomping Willow.

It was growing closer and closer to closing, and honestly, it had been a wonderful night. Seeing the way that people reacted and interacted with your art was a magical experience, and changed the way you thought about it entirely. You decided that if you ever got the opportunity again, you’d want to share it with everyone else.

You were just moving to start packing up when you heard a myriad of gasps.

“What the fuck, dude?” The unmistakeable voice of Marlene McKinnon said from behind you. You whipped around to meet them, breaking into a cheek splitting smile.

“What are you guys doing here?” You asked, rushing over to scoop them all up into a hug.

“Fuck that, why didn’t you tell us that we’re your exhibition?” Sirius cried, running up to examine the paintings more clearly.

“And that they’re literally professional?” Peter added, eyes wide in wonder. You flushed red under their praise. If your friends thought your pencil portraits were good, they were nothing compared to your paintings.

Plus, every one of them was of your friends, or something sentimental to you all. Landscapes of Hogwarts, portraits of your friends, captured memories of long summer days, or life sketches from when you were all together. You watched them observe the paintings with nervous excitement, loving as they gave specific, personal compliments that only people who truly knew you could give.

“This our apartment,” Sirius said, pointing to one of your biggest pieces, “That’s our couch, the pillow Prongs has permanently ruined with butterbeer, that’s Moony!”

“There are a lot of paintings of Moony, aren’t there?” James whispered to you, wiggling his eyebrows. You flushed again. Sirius continued on, seeming (or pretending) not to have heard.

“We have to have this in the flat. Right boys?” Your eyes widened.

“Really?”

“For sure,” Peter said, “I’m buying this one too.” He gestured to one of him and James playing chess in the Gryffindor common room.

“And this is taking pride of place at home.” James pointed to a portrait of his and Lily’s wedding, and Lily similarly chose one of her and baby Harry. Marlene took one of her and Mary on the beach and Mary took one of the group at a house party. Half your paintings ended up being sold by the end of the night, and you couldn’t feel luckier. The only one who hadn’t said anything was Remus, who couldn’t keep his eyes off the paintings.

You shooed your friends out of the gallery once it really was closing time, and got to work packing away your things. You were deep in thought, reflecting on the wild day when someone cleared their throat behind you. It was Remus, and he moved to help you put your things away, stacking the paintings between bubble wrap to protect them.

“These are really beautiful,” He said, “I mean, we knew you were talented but… these are seriously on another level.”

“Thanks, Remus.” You smiled, unable to make eye contact as you watched him handle all the paintings you’d done of him. Portraits like the others, but also studies of his hands — god you were obsessed with his hands — his profile, and one less than innocent picture of his back, scars resting over muscles. You probably shouldn’t have put that one out, but to be fair you didn’t know he’d see it.

There was a somewhat awkward silence between the two of you. Not uncomfortable, per se, but there were definitely things you both wanted to say that neither knew how to.

“Let me drive you home,” Remus settled on and you nodded, letting him help you load your work into the boot of his car. You sat in the passenger seat, absentmindedly tapping your fingers on the dashboard to whatever radio station Remus had turned on. Remus stared straight ahead, knuckles pulled tight around the steering wheel.

“I’m really proud of you, you know. This whole show was incredible.” You went to thank him again but he kept talking. “I just wanted to know, um, there were a lot of paintings of me. I was just wondering why, why me?” You hesitated, unsure of what was going to come out of your mouth.

“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you,” You decided on with a bit of a sigh.

“You’ve said that before, what does that mean?” Your breath hitched. You definitely didn’t intend for it all to come out tonight, but if you didn’t say it now you doubted you ever would.

“You are the most beautiful person I know, Remus. I mean, even aside from your personality — which we know I have to be at least somewhat a fan of after all these years — you’re totally fit. Your eyes, your hair, God, your fucking bone structure, you’re literally a walking renaissance painting. And I know you think your scars make you ugly, but you don’t know how turned on I get thinking about how they’d feel on my skin.” Shit, you probably should’ve stopped talking.

You hadn’t realised he’d parked while you were rambling, but now you were sitting outside his apartment and he was looking at you with eyes that looked more like the wolf than him.

“I turn you on?” He whispered, voice suddenly gravelly as he leaned closer in to you.

“More than anything,” You breathed, brain buffering at the feeling of his breath on your face. Suddenly his mouth was on yours, hot and electric and not at all gentle. It felt like years of pent up frustration being let out all at once, and if he was anything like you, it probably was.

“Up,” He mumbled between kisses and you heard him undoing his seatbelt, hurrying to do the same. You barely disconnected to get out of the car, attaching yourself to his arm as he led the way up to the boys’ flat.

You made it up the three flights of stairs, not without Remus pushing you up against the stairwell wall to stick his tongue in your mouth, and stumbled straight into his bedroom, shedding layers as soon as the door was safely shut.

The next morning you awoke first, initially convinced you were dreaming when you saw him lying peacefully beside you. Eventually you rolled onto your side, ready to get out of bed for a glass of water when his nightstand caught your eye. There, in pride of place, was your graduation portrait of him, with a polaroid of the two of you stuck to the corner. Maybe he really had liked you as long as you’d liked him.

[clawsdevour]

one more time

wc: 2.4k content warning: post-time skip, lev x reader, smut, one night stand oral sex m!receiving, fingering, size kink, not proofread

note: this may be kindaaa rushed at the end... sorryyyyy but lev x size kink is real to me too anon... like i get you and i hope u enjoy it :D

༘⋆｡˚

Gravity’s pulling you down as you elevate up the luxurious hotel to your one night stand’s room. To your surprise, you weren’t expecting such a rich person you’d be hooking up with for the night. Since 8:03 PM you’ve been feeling a bit in need of some good dick to fill you up. And well, nowadays it could take a while to get into someone’s pants, so why not try a dating app? 

Scrolling and swiping till your eyes settled on this certain man’s profile. He didn’t show his full face, but he did show his side profile.. Just barely. He seemed to appear as a pale man with foreign features and grey hair. Staring at his profile, your eyes are absolutely glued onto him even though that was the only photo of himself on the app. 

Feeling a bit risky, you decide to swipe on him. You knew the chances were slim with what you put on your profile. But to your surprise.. He also swiped on you, the app giving you the little notification that you’ve matched. Oh my god! He actually swiped back?? Your heart started to flutter when you realized he was typing, the little bubble emote popping up in the corner of your screen. Shockingly, he was very charismatic. For about an hour or two, you’re both just getting to know each other. Especially why you both were on the app in the first place.

L: just wondering.. Why’re you on this app? You: okay this is kinda embarrassing to admit  You: but i’m just looking for a hook up...

Flushed with humiliation, turning your phone over right after you sent that message. The vibration his text sent to your phone, making you feel anxious.

L: oh haha! L: i’m actually on here for the same thing L: ik we just met but like since we’re both looking for L: well yk… sex L: do you wanna do it with me?

Five messages in under a minute. This man must be as desperate as you. No way you’re gonna let this opportunity slide. Of course you’re gonna take this chance to get dicked down by a nice and gorgeous man. Overall, it was just a one night stand.

You: well are you down for tonight? L: i’m free rn and later and till like tmr.. L: so yeah im down You: send over that address

Stepping out of the elevator on the floor where your hook up’s waiting for you. Your heels clicked and clack, yes, you wore heels after checking the address he sent you. The sounds continued to tap against the hotel marble floors, echoing against the walls as you stared at his hotel door. 

Gulping deeply before you knock with your knuckles, the door swung open causing you to gasp. The tall and broad silhoutte grabs you inside, shutting the door behind you. What’s going on?? Was all was coursing through your mind.

“Look, I can explain.” The man gently shouts after you break free of his grasp, hands up to show he meant no harm. You’re looking at him like you’ve gone into fight or flight mode. The figure’s removing his black hat and facemask, revealing himself as Lev Haiba. Yes, Lev Haiba like the famous model you see on billboards everywhere in Shibuya!

“W-Wait.. You’re–” face altered to mouth out an ‘o.’ Your words came to a halt when he responded with “Yes.. I know I’m Lev Haiba. Like the model… but look! I’m also tryna have fun just like you.”

Wowed, you tried to ignore the fact that he’s a celebrity, trying to give him that sense of normality in his world. You weren’t on his level of fame, but you understood and nodded. Still, you can’t help but be baffled at this pure luck.

“So.. are you gonna show me it?” You’re inching closer towards his face while he’s slowly backing up, finger pressing down on his exposed chest from his unbuttoned dress shirt, stopping when his back hit the cold wall. You have this smug look on your face while he’s down for the challenge, biting on his bottom lip seeing how needy you were, his eyes glaring back at you sinfully.

“After we makeout,” immediately, Lev’s crashing his soft lips against yours through heavy breathes. You’re closing your half lidded eyes as you fought back, trying to assert your dominance through the deep kiss. You lose control of the flow when you feel his tongue slide into your mouth, exploring the inside of your mouth with his wet and warm muscle. 

The desire for intimacy grew so much, you started to moan into the kiss, wow was he good it was almost fever inducing. Although it was hella arousing, you did have to pull back to catch your breath for a moment. His green lustful eyes fluttered down on you, watching your complex swell with red undertones. A thin string of saliva was the only thing that connected you two. 

“Should we head over to the bedroom?” The half-Russian man murmured under his tired breath. You mumbled out a simple “Yeah” before wrapping your arms around his neck, signaling him to catch you when you jump up on him.

He’s slowly strolling down the large penthouse, heavy footsteps mixed with the sounds of your swollen lips that met once again. The sounds of smooching resonated along the decorated walls. His hands were kneading your ass while he carried you close to his body. His hands are traveling all over the dress you wore while you kicked off your heels on the floor, essentially abandoning them. His hands prod down lower, through the sheerness of your dress his finger feel something warmer than skin.. and something damp. 

“You’re not wearing anything under your dress?” leaning his head away centimeters away from yours, pausing his actions. His piercing eyes burned into you with hunger, his smile curving into a smirk before he chuckled in glee.

“Why would I if I knew it’d end up on the floor?” Staring down his at gorgeous features his model face was born with. His perfect eyes, nose, and swollen lips due to yours. 

“Aww, I wanted to rip it off” He taunted with an expressive face that beamed at you. You feel a hand come off of you, the sound of the door handle twisting.

The cool air instantly hits you before he even walked in. Windows galore, you forgot you’re on the highest floor of the whole building. Your eyes lit up since all you could see was the streets of Shibuya. 

“Pretty nice, huh” Lev huffed before tossing you onto the fluffy white sheets before unbuttoning the rest of his dress shirt. You watch as he’s unhooking each button from each coin shaped slot, mouth salivating when you saw his abs that were delicately highlighted by the moon ...As well as the size that pressed against his tight pants.

“Those pants look real tight..” giggling as you leaned towards his crotch to free his growing bulge. Damn did it look bigger when he slid down his pants to show you his grey boxers that had a moist spot.

You’re looking up for his approval to take his cock out of his boxers, to which he shakes out a nod to continue. Rubbing his length before taking it out, it accidentally smacks you on the cheek with its overwhelming girth.

“It’s so.. Big! I don’t know if this’ll fit in my mouth Lev..” you mouthed out with a slight worried expression covered by excitement. You don’t know if you’re able to take his cock but you know at the end you’re gonna end up begging for him. 

On your knees on the plush mattress, you’re stroking his cock up and down with your cold hands. Your mouth parted to go down on his dick, the size was way overbearing which causing you to cough like crazy.

“You don’t have to rush. I’m already feeling pretty, ..pretty good” his large hands caressed your cheeks, ready to wipe off any tears his cock could cause you.

Second times a charm, you thought to yourself before trying again. This time you were successful in getting the tip in. The heat from your mouth radiated and swarmed him in pleasure, making him slightly tilt his head up as he’s trying to keep his eyes on you from above. The more you inched down on him, the more your jaw started to hurt trying to take all of him.

“I’hurt..” gagging before you can form a sentence. Lev, taking it out of your mouth before sitting you back down.

His body was towering over yours till your head hit the pillows with a soft thud. He’s helping you remove your dress, revealing your bare and naked body to him as his eyes lingered for far too long. Your nipples perked due to the cold air, your pussy slightly glistening from being aroused.

“Already this wet?” big hands grab onto the side of your thighs, pulling you down for inspection while they parted your knees for him. Lev’s staring you down before averting his green eyes lower to your clit that begged for stimulation. 

A finger brushes against your slit, making you slightly flinch at his touch. He’s showing you the amount of slick he’s collected on his finger followed by a “How cute” before inserting it back into your pussy that longed to be stuffed.

His slender long fingers worked wonders, making you arch your back more everytime he curled into you. Adding in more one at at a time, he’s got three in there to stretch you out. It was a lot to take in as your legs trembled with pleasure every time you were close. 

Heat pooled in the depths of your stomach as you absorbed his fingers that scissored you wide open. The squelching was unmatched to what the sloppy and wet kissing sounds were like when you roamed the halls to the bedroom. Your mouth was parted the whole time to let him hear all of your sweet and vulnerable moans as you called out his name.

“Stop.. M’gonna cum again!” Your hands reached for his, gripping onto his wrist that moved in and out of you at a hasty pace. This wasn’t the first orgasm but rather your second or maybe third.

His digits continued to plummet into you until you started to see stars on the plain white ceiling. Blinking back to your consciousness as you panted out, your sopping wet sunt pulsating as if it had its own heartbeat. You bring your head up to see the giant man stroking his cock whilst gazing at the sight of you sprawled on his bed with your legs spread, pussy coated in juices he produced.

“I’m on the pill, y-you can just put it in” You’re stuttering out words as your reached to spread your pussy open for him to gawk at. Your gaping wet entrance, rising and falling with your pace of breathing. 

“Okay, but let me know when to stop or slow down if it hurts though,” he’s mumbling through his breath, broad shoulders inching forward towards you. 

He’s sliding his cock against your warm and swollen clit down to your entrance, making you clench a bit due to the intimate friction. When his dick was all covered in your warm essence, he lined himself up. His glossy eyes looked at you once more, while you watched him slide a few centimeters into you.

Biting down on your lower lip, it was more than just a stretch to get the tip in. Your hole had to expand to his size as he started to inch in further. He could see the pain he was putting through when you started to increase your grip on the sheets, eyes swelling with tears that formed.

“I’m sorry. It hurts a lot doesn’t it..” removing a hand from under your thigh to brush off a tear. You bob your head in silence as you continued to take him. Lev’s giving you his time and patience while peppering your face with forgiving kisses.

When he eventually fit his full length in, Lev was kind enough to give you a moment for you to adjust as if your pussy was molding to the shape of him. He’s waiting for your cue to start penetrating you, as he held back his urges. Your tight walls clamped down on him, as if you were able to snap his cock in half. 

“You feel so good even though we haven’t started moving yet.” He’s chuckling to himself, seeing how good you took him. His large size fitting inside that tight hole that drove him feral when you rocked your hips the slightless bit.

“You can start moving..” you muttered whilst reaching for his face. “M’kay” was the last thing you heard before the pain started to thrust into you. His massive cock was scratching the inside of your walls like nails on a chalkboard. 

It took a while before the pain started to turn into pleasure. He’s going at a consistent rate, not too fast nor too slow. His groans ring in your ear as you’re watching him thrust from above. Lev’s showing you his vulnerable face, he looked so delicious it made you feel so lucky that you’re able to see this side of him. Nevertheless have him in you.

Everything his cock hit inside you made your body shiver in pleasure. His dick was so big, he didn’t even have to find your sweet spot if he’s rubbing up all of your gummy walls. The pleasure and overstimulation was crazy. You can’t recall how many times you may have came on him. By the time he was about to finish, it’s like your mind was about to go numb.

“F-Fuck.! I’m boutta cum..” one last thrust or two before Lev pulled out to jack off his dick. Making you slightly whimper as you felt empty without him to fill you up. He’s stroking it fast above you, his cum squirting onto your stomach. Painting your abdomen with his seed, as your body heaved for air.

Falling down beside you to rest for a bit, his face tilted to your side to look at you. He’s also trembling for air after going on for so long.

“We should do this again..”

masterlist here

[booksandmore]

I’m sorry but CC only has herself to blame for making TMI known as “the incest books” in all of the reading communities outside of TSC fandom.

She herself ruined TMI becoming as big as it could’ve been & TSC in general by putting incest in all 6 books of TMI…That’s why no one posts about it on Booktwt or Booktok..

There’s no point in being upset at readers judging TMI for having incest in it when that’s a valid criticism.. Clace kissed multiple times for three books all while not being officially sure whether or not they were related or not..then CC got petty & doubled down on the incest after being criticized for it already & had Clary kiss her biological brother in book three after people already hated it with Clace in the first two books.

Clary’s brother almost rapes her in book five and tries kissing her in the last book. TSC is not GOT where it gets a pass. Non TSC stans really want a LI calling his girlfriend’s Dad his own Dad 💀 Jace was calling Clary’s brother his brother while being romantically involved with Clary. Just because he was adopted by Valentine as a kid didn’t make it normal for Cassie to have Jace call himself a Morgenstern or to call his girlfriend’s brother his own brother.

TMI hate = CC’s own fault.. any TMI stan bitterness should be directed at her own questionable writing choices. Sorry but seeing TMI stans hating that TMI is judged for this all when it’s the authors own fault is weird yk? It’s been too long, Cassie understands why TMI gets hate. As a TMI stan it makes me upset that she dragged the incest on the entire series because I can’t proudly ever talk about Clace, Seb or TMI as a whole because she got weird with the writing in that series on purpose to spite people who criticized the incest in Books 1-2. It was petty for her to drag on incest for that long knowing people hated it..It’s her fault.

I’m tired of people outside of the fandom being judged for not liking the incest for Clary with two Mmc’s when..it’s valid not to like or be comfortable with. TMI stans always having to make excuses for her too is even sadder bc it’s not our fault or other readers’ it’s the authors fault for putting that in a fun YA series that didn’t need incest AT ALL. That’s probably why the show was a flop and the movie, no one could take the series seriously with that arc for Clary with Jace and her brother Sebastian..

no yes i totally get it!! it is frusterating to see tmi get dismissed but im not gonna force anyone to do anything they dont like. it’s valid to not want to interact with something cause it grosses you out, i’ve definitly done that before as well. we all have our limits and that’s okay!! that said feel free to ignore the rest of this i just wanted to explain my thoughts more thoroughly but it got a bit long😭you might not like anon sorry

first of, i do admit it’s been a while since my reread and also, i haven’t touched the other series since i first read them so i can really only speak for tmi rn, and if i get anything wrong that’s on me

i should probably clarify that my original posts were create because i was just so baffled that people were sayong cc has some kind of incest kink and that’s why she was forcing it into her books. like?? an author choosing to engage with darker taboo topics doesn’t mean they’re into it im pretty sure. its not like i know her personally, but if she had a kink i sort of suspect it would show up in the rest of her books yk? is it really that hard to imagine that she’d include it for a reason?😭

for me, maybe because i’m used to books like the secre t history or older classics, i tend to look past the taboo of it and focus on what it does for the story/reveals about charchterization, if that makes sense?

i think that tmi is very much about family, and sebastian having these fucked up views about family (where he mistakes romantic love for familial love) really goes to show how horrible valentine was as a father, and how terribly he was treated and how desperate he was for love. i think he doesnt know what it means to be loved by family and that’s why he substitutes it with something else. cause i think that deep down inside he does have a normal brotherly love for clary, its just that he doesnt know any other way to show that

for me the incest thing is a plot device and it frusterates me how no one wants to engage with it that way. could it have been done differently? probabaly. but they don’t even try to examining why it’s there at all! they don’t bother analyzing or asking, hey, does the author have any particular reason for putting this here, or writing it the way she did? they just dismiss it as gross and go away. but i really do think it has a purpose and point in the story that gets lost on a lot of people

the thing is, it’s meant to be uncomfortable! it’s meant to be gross! it should weird you out!! i doubt cc meant it to be viewed positively, especially when neither the charchters nor the narrative does. it’s meant to show how badly these adults and this society have fucked up these children, and robbed them of being able to love freely and safely yk?

most of my frusteration really just comes from how puritanical fandom has been. you can choose not to engage with something if it grosses you out, that’s fine and valid and we’ve all done that before. but looking down on someone for wanting to engage with it objectively is??? i think it’s just etiquette to not engage with what you don’t like. block the tag. curate your own experience. that kinda stuff

again anon if you chose to read this anyway i really do respect and understand what you’re saying. i’m really sorry if i came across as mean or rude but like. i really really love tmi and i cannot tolerate it being dismissed like that

[angelthingy]

this is somewhere inbetween mini vent and not a vent so i’m gonna tag both of them, it’s not a huge deal (mostly cus im honestly in a good mood rn!!!) but it does kinda bother me

it’s so baffling how parents will literally just make up reasons to be mad at u

like my parents were annoyed that we hadn’t gotten out of bed but. my door was closed and- this may come as a shock to u - but i was out of bed- fully dressed - reading a book (it was very satisfying hearing them hesitate after i told them that-)

like. do you just enjoy being annoyed at ur children or something??

i’ll admit this post is coming out kinda out of annoyance because this just. keeps happening and like idk it really gets to u when ur parents kinda just decide to be mad at u for. literally no reason- i’ve just gotten used to it/desensitised at this point but that’s not rly a good thing 🥲

i have nothing against them being annoyed at me in general cus like- i know that im not perfect or anything but when you do it so often for no reason it kinda becomes a boy who cried wolf thing where i instinctively become desensitised even when its for a valid reason because ive had to put up with it even when its completely random,,,,, i wish they’d stop taking out their annoyance at me :(

and it does feel like it’s usually me cus when my younger brother does something pissy (which happens a lot ughhh) she can’t speak to him about it (because he literally just doesn’t listen or shouts a lot and is genuinely like. scary), and she can’t shout at the 9 year old so instead she takes it out on me by making up something to be annoyed about - this isn’t even just speculation she’s literally admitted it (i’m gonna be honest, even though that means she’s admitting i didn’t do anything that doesn’t make me feel any better!!!)

like aaaaaaa it just feels like a really unfair position to be in because sometimes it feels like nothing i do is enough because they just fucking. ignore it anyway so what’s the point of doing it!!! like they were annoyed at me for not helping enough around the house and i was like ok yeah yknow that’s reasonable so i started helping out - but then they were still annoyed at me??? it just felt like my effort was completely pointless so why am i even bothering if its clearly not making a difference????

[haywire-hetfield]

I’m borederline sleep deprived rn sorry if this doesn’t make much sense.

I love the idea of Faust being terrified of being too much of an alpha to the point of him practically hovering over Euro instead of touching him. Just perfect *chefs kiss*

Honestly this is making me feel like writing a Faust/Euro fic.

Oh man you mentioned him being a traditional- yet chill and respectful alpha - I think he’d mesh well with my favorite alpha trope, the overly possessive alpha. When other alphas try to flirt with euro, something in him snaps. He shoves away the other alpha and threatens to fight them. Euro would totally be into it ( in the movie he was just a little too into the violence if you catch my drift ) and excited at the idea of Faust finally being rough in bed, only for him to immediately go back to treating Euro like glass. And Euro is just baffled, wondering if Faust will ever be actually rough.

Idk my brain is actively rotting the more I think about this it’s like I have too many thoughts to type them out. I’m much better at talking😅

If you have other omegaverse loc ideas you want to share I’m all ears 👂 you have great ideas - 🐈‍⬛

You're fine, it makes sense!

I loooove traditional alpha Faust in this sense, it fits him so nicely I think. (I think especially about the scene where he's like guiding Occultus by the arm when he's already walking in that direction. Like there's 0 practical reason for him to be physically guiding him, but he still is and that is sooooo)

He also 100% will fight other alphas if they're getting a little too close or familiar with him. (This is based more around the interviews irl Faust has done where he's talked about how it used to take a lot for him to actually get angry/physical.) I think he'd normally be so cool and composed about things, but it just sets him off.

It surprises Euronymous the first time it happens and he's definitely into it, but Faust is very scared of frightening Euronymous. (Even though let's be real, that's not happening.)

Euronymous gets whiplash from the way Faust can punch another alpha then turn right around and hold his hand like he's delicate.

I think this results a lot in Euronymous purposefully trying to get Faust into scenarios where he'll fight with other alphas.

I can also see Faust accidentally getting too rough with him and realizing how into it Euronymous actually is.

I want to note too that Euronymous bosses him around in the movie and it's the cutest thing. (Him telling Faust to turn the movie down and him immediately doing it. Him telling Faust he's gotta listen to Varg's tape and Faust catching it as soon as he tells him to. Him telling Faust "okay that's enough 😑" when he's smashing that car windshield and Faust going along with it)

Here's some of my personal omegaverse headcanons for LOC (I could talk for hours):

I'm a firm believer in omega Varg, although he WILL try to present himself more as a beta or alpha. (I can see him going at either angle. Presenting himself as a beta gives him the advantage of acting as though he's above it all, he doesn't deal with the same animalistic urges alphas/omegas do. Presenting as an alpha gives him the advantage of seeming in control.)

100% deals with internalized hatred regarding being an omega.

Occultus is an omega, just a very loud and hyper one. He tends to be on the nicer side, but he can be a lot to deal with and it can lead to confrontations (thinking particularly about Varg snapping and punching him.) This is usually accompanied by one of the others stepping in to defend him.

I particularly enjoy the dynamic of loud o!Occultus x quiet a!Faust.

Pelle is either a beta or an omega. If he's an omega, he tends to just ignore the fact he is one and honestly treats other people the same way. He generally doesn't think about it too much unless he's forced to. (Heats and such)

I can see Metalion as being any presentation. (If he's an omega, he's o4o with Occultus.)

I'm actually a big fan of alpha Euronymous, but Euronymous who is just the biggest failguy of an alpha ever. He's awkward, he sucks at being commanding, he's short, he's not really that strong, he's awkward with omegas, it's always fighting for power with the other alphas. (He's like a chihuahua that always barks and growls at the bigger dogs, not seeming to realize they're tiny.)

Blackthorn is an alpha and he is having the least fun time out of everyone. Alphas scare him and omegas scare him more.

Necrobutcher is a beta, although I could also see him as an alpha. If he is one, he does not usually act like it, though. He's usually pretty relaxed and only acts like a stereotypical alpha if he needs to.

Fenriz is an alpha (potentially a beta, but I'd put him way closer to the alpha side.) He tends to be chill-ish, but nowhere near the same level as Faust is. He's a lot more likely to snap quicker/more easily. Thinking particularly about him shoving Pelle at the party. (Man was NOT playing 😭)

Hellhammer is an omega, but you would never be able to tell it. He doesn't try to seem like an alpha, but that's usually the vibe people get from him. He's overly flirty, he's loud, he isn't afraid to fight, etc.

Manheim is a beta or an omega. If he's an omega, he's the most traditional/stereotypical one out of the entire group.

Atilla's an alpha/stereotypical and he's closer to the most traditional one out of the group.

[breakingthroughdawn]

Hiya! I’m gonna post this and see how long it takes for someone to get mad. I hate serious talk, but I have to put this somewhere where I won’t get an echo of what I already think. Because echo chambers suck. (I’ll use the block button if I need to for my own well-being.)

Videogame debate does more harm than good and makes no progress in the long run, and actually seems to be more counter-productive for the people against the game, because the attention and drama seems to be enticing to more than you’d expect.

Yelling and hurting eachother does more harm than good, and all it does is divide everyone more. We have enough divisions already, why are we making more?

Trying to eradicate information or the existence of something entirely does more harm than good (and you’re honestly not likely to succeed, people find workarounds anyway).

Telling everyone the content is horrible and morally wrong makes some people shocked. …I’m pretty sure most people would follow it up with “tell me more!” or “explain it?” Or “how’s that?” To get more details. Forbidden Fruit is a phrase for a reason, many enjoy the idea of something they think is bad or taboo. They’ll probably go looking for information to find it on their own anyway.

…

These are arguments about violent and Mature-themed videogames like GTA, what did you think I was talking about? 🤡

See, memes aside, the problem I’m having with a lot of the discourse rn is that everyone is pulling out every stop. For a goddamn game. The game has problem-themes, mhm. The source has problems, mhm. We knew this, regardless of what side of the problem you’re on, most people are aware of the discourse (and if not, bless you sweet person, please continue to live in blissful ignorance as long as you can).

Will everyone just *shut up and actually use some empathy please*?

Imagine with me, you tell a person that GTA is harmful to others in concept and don’t think people should interact with it. It has sexual/nude context, it allows murder without true consequence, and encourages bad driving. Obviously, playing as someone with such morals is going to encourage that behavior! (Just follow my thought experiment for me if you’re still reading)

There are a few ways that seems it could go (in my mind):

1) they put it down and never touch it again, losing something they were enjoying that was not from their view hurting anyone, but because you told them they were morally wrong for doing it they listened. They agree with you, and they simply move on, finding a new focus and carry on with their lives.

2) they don’t put it down, but they understand what you’re saying, and they actually find more details of this as they go along, recognizing the discourse you brought to their attention, and actively thinking about what they’re playing. They analyze it, they actively argue or debate it, if they stream it they point out how they’d change it, or they headcannon something new and argue with the problematic narrative every chance they get.

3) they don’t put it down, and they argue back at you for being overly sensitive and trying to control what they’re doing.

If you attack them more personally/vigorously than I described, it will likely be more visceral: they argue back with more force, and you have now gained a new enemy and possibly a ruined relationship with this person, and they probably have a more aggressive view of “your side” of this discourse.

4) they do put it down, as you asked, and now go and tell others why it’s evil and spread the word.

This can also be blown up into aggression, harassing and attacking anyone who is still ‘being part of the problem’.

…

Does- does no one else see which of these are upsetting? It baffles me sometimes how horrible people can be to each other.

To speak plainly and without reserve now: JKR already got her royalties, afaik. She’s been paid.

The people who made the game are going to sell copies wether you want them to or not. People are already playing it anyway.

Everyone turning on each other like this is so goddamn asinine to me.

Edit: Mhm, royalties are gradual, got it, she’s gonna make more money, got it. Doesn’t mean you call someone names.

I’m not saying that you should buy it, I haven’t even said what my own plans were. If you want to boycott everything made by assholes, microsoft, apple, twitter, google, amazon- you gonna toss your phone and computer? Yell at everyone who doesn’t? Goodness.

[welcome-to-maniac]

Jeongin – People You Know

Jeongin’s skin itches with the last parts of his fever, backpack full of whatever he could salvage from the bar and his shared apartment. The images of AJ’s grief-induced rage burn behind his eyes, and the young bartender stuffs his earbuds in his ears as the coach sets off from the station, leaving Gangnam, and Seoul, behind for the time being. His face is expressionless, yet his resting face causes other passengers to flinch when his eyes pass over them, but for once, Jeongin doesn’t care. He doesn’t care that strangers think he’s scary, and not hurting with the last words his boyfriend – were they still even together now? – spat at him. It burned, burned more than the fire Jeongin had been confronted with.

The fire, those words-

“…I LOVED YOU”

Past tense.

The words dig a crevice inside Jeongin’s heart, burrowing itself and making a home there.

He doesn’t love you anymore, Jeongin. Grow up. Stop being a child.

Leaving the Busan coach station with his backpack, his home city is just as he remembers it; filled with people going about their day and greeting passers by with hellos and how are yous. It baffles him as he walks through the streets; this was the city that stole his family from him, that scarred and left him for dead in a burning building because he was nothing more than a monster. A bad omen.

A freak that revelled in flames. So his family paid the price.

Renting a motel room for the next few days – or as long as he needs, in truth – Jeongin drops his bags to the floor the moment he opens the door, his exhaustion catching up with him in waves. The past week had been nothing but a blur, the fever making his brain fuzzy and weigh heavy behind his eyes. What if he really was behind the fire? What if he really had destroyed AJ’s career?

“I didn’t…did I?”

What Jeongin really needs, is to sleep. So he does.

Turning on the TV as he dried off his hair with a towel, Jeongin browsed the channels, mind numb as the pictures on screen changed per second. Flicking through the news channel, Jeongin pauses when his mind finally catches up with reality and he remembers the last thing he heard. A press conference. Switching back to the news channel, Jeongin’s heart drops at the image staring at him. AJ, muzzled and handcuffed while their management do all the talking.

‘…after much consideration, he’s been put on leave’

No.

‘Will he be arrested for the arson?’

It wasn’t his fault. Stop. Stop blaming them. Please

Snapping out of his spiral when he hears the clatter of the remote falling to the floor, Jeongin hurries to turn the blasted TV off, getting ready in silence and leaving the motel for the night. He needs to clear his mind, and there had to be somewhere he could get wasted without being recognised by anyone who knew him or his family.

“Another whiskey please…” Jeongin requests, ignoring the concerned glances the bartender sends his way. He knows that look; it’s pity. He’s given that look to patrons who step into MANIAC as well, patrons who want nothing more than to drown their sorrows with a bottle of something strong. It reminds him of Minho when the glass is back in his hand, the amber liquid staring back at him with the same imagined gaze as the hyung who took him in.

So this is why Minho hyung drinks a glass before a long shift.

Tugging his jacket around his shoulders as he trudges back to his motel room, Jeongin has half the mind to text his boyfriend one more time, one more plea before he’s certainly broken up with.

Innie <3

I know you don’t want to see me

But

I’m really sorry AJ…

I promise you I didn’t do it

I’d never try to sabotage your career

You’re probably ignoring these

And fair enough

I would too

I’m in Busan rn…I miss you

Shutting off his phone and shoving it in his pocket before he sees AJ typing out a response, Jeongin takes a detour, seeking out his family for advice he can only imagine they’d be able to give him. The cemetery wasn’t too far away from where he was, and there were stars to keep him company as he walks.

The graves look back at him, now a man, and Jeongin swears he can still hear his little brother in the back of his head. He doesn’t know how to begin now that he’s in front of his parents, so he just rambles his frustrations, eventually sitting himself beside the headstone while he asks the night sky how he’s supposed to go back to Seoul and face what should absolutely be a failed relationship and the bar he ran from.

He swears he hears it.

Go back to your hyungs, Jeongin-ah, they’ll protect you.

His mothers voice.

“Okay, I’ll— I’ll do that. Thanks mom. I love you, I miss you.”

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

I posted 27,871 times in 2022

That's 11,462 more posts than 2021!

9,740 posts created (35%)

18,131 posts reblogged (65%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@proudfreakmetarusonniku

@tobi-smp

@stellocchia

@sunlitmcgee

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I tagged 11,835 of my posts in 2022

#dream smp - 4,276 posts

#tommyinnit - 1,434 posts

#tommyinnit liveblog - 1,266 posts

#primeboys (derogatory) - 810 posts

#the owl house - 742 posts

#mcc - 432 posts

#tw abuse - 403 posts

#mcc liveblog - 386 posts

#homestuck - 332 posts

#dream smp liveblog - 280 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#meanwhile there’s tommy fanartists who’s skin isn’t even based on anything but we still have to deliberately make him look less like dave

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

sims 2 corruption is wild like in strangetown there’s this poor dude called knut futa right. i mean already unfortunate on account of his name already, along with being a victim of serial killer olive specter, but that’s the least of this mans worries. this dude has the unfortunate distinction of being the most glitchy sim ever. his grave doesn’t even show up because his character file is so fucked he doesn’t even count as dead. he completely lacks any personality, interests, memories, genetics, age, anything, so the game treats the man as a baby despite him being a full grown adult so he just lies on the floor. any attempts to do anything to help him will fail. he cannot be interacted with. he cannot be aged out of his baby hell because the game will crash. his data is SO borked the community full of bonkers talented programming wizards CANNOT fix him. his data isn’t even formatted correctly. this poor man got hit by the game corruption beam and no one can save him. f in chat for knut futa.

2,488 notes - Posted June 19, 2022

#4

people leaving fandoms because theres no more canon content are the weakest link and will not survive the spring, where upon April 13th the homestucks who are actively resisting more canon content and ignoring it as much as they can take over for 24 hours

2,659 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

#3

If any of you actually start harassing Tommy- be it by spamming him with boundary breaking content, actual negativity and insults, or anything like that- I’m going to bite you btw. He’s done nothing wrong here, he’s not the issue, the issue is potential weirdos from Twitter. Jokes are fine, and the traditional initiation is too- I’m drawing maid dress Tommy rn, even- but don’t devolve into cruelty towards an innocent party out of elitism

2,991 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

#2

I can’t stop laughing Tommy figured out how improv worked and immediately went to Dream and asked him to do minecraft abuse roleplay as his first ever piece of intentional planned lore and first time ever produced the most accurate depiction of abuse I have ever seen in anything ever. I’m baffled. Why and How.

3,501 notes - Posted July 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

joints Hurt

3,816 notes - Posted November 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[troglobite]

heardle got me reminiscing!!! (in case it’s unfamiliar to you, tw for blood towards the end after she gets up from the piano bench)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTo_5LRqBx4

still genuinely upsetting & baffling that there’s no HD version of this performance somewhere online, it’s a fucking ICONIC performance

caveat for:

Yikes That’s Not How Disability and Mobility Aids Should be Used and Repped!!! OOF!!! BIG OOF!!! YIKESSSSSS

but the rest of it is just like. FUCK, man. i know it’s rose colored glasses in a way, but genuinely looking back like....lady gaga was so much higher concept than pop culture was ready for. ~ahead of her time~ etc

that fucking performance is just fucking iconic. how SCARED and SHOCKED the audience was! like they fucking bought into it. &when they realized it was fake blood, the screams continued but it morphed into AHHH FUCK YEAH THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING!!!!

&now that i’m looking back &have been on occasion w lady gaga’s discography & body of work, legitimately the only reason i never got really into her when she was just coming onto the world stage? well, two reasons, i’ll be honest.

the first is annoying/silly, in that high energy music is A Lot for me to listen to, so i don’t often listen to it. even though i really enjoyed her music, i rarely sought it out for that reason.

but the BIGGEST reason that hit me upon reflection?

i was wayyyyy too in the closet to be openly a fan of her

like i was already being called slurs all the time (thank you for the dyke comments, though, childhood bullies, i AM, now that you mention it! lol) &ppl were Highly Suspicious of me Being A Queer (again, correct! lol) so it was like HA yeah not gonna do that. my only saving grace was being into the jonas brothers so it was like the [points aggressively] SEE???? I’M STRAIGHT AND NORMAL!!!! thing for me. lol

lady gaga would’ve IMMEDIATELY put me into “fucking weird creepy dyke loser” territory even further than i was.

&of course funny thing, my friend who is ALSO gay (lol kidding MOST of my friends back then ended up being some flavor of queer) was the one who introduced me to lady gaga. she was on the ~cutting edge~ w music & shit like that, still is--she listens CONSTANTLY. lol

but she was thin and cute and had a lot of friends & was normal and quiet enough that afaik, she could avoid most of the shit that i got on that front, so she was able to be WILDLY into the GAYEST WOMEN IN MUSIC and it was fine, afaik. 

now i’m just rambling and thinking abt it. lol bc she’s also of chinese descent etc. so i’m in NO universe saying she somehow had it fine--i specifically mean in that one regard at that point in our lives w the ppl we knew, &only afaik. 

bUT!!!! my point is, lady gaga kind of. took a while to really get her due. &i do still wonder if, in popular culture, ppl really get the art that she puts out, y’know? her talent has gotten recognition. she’s iconic, of course. she helped to shape the artistic landscape now (looking at you, fucking wannabe billie e*lish lol--to be clear i literally don’t care/know anything at all, i’m being irreverent). 

but yeah, looking back it’s just like. ppl thought she was “weird” and couldn’t figure her out & it’s like.

bro. her music, lyrics, &music videos WERE NOT SUBTLE. SHE WAS NOT SUBTLE. but just deliberately trying to ignore anything she was saying bc Yikes Uncomfortable. lol

ANYWAY just thinking & reminiscing. i’m extremely hungry rn and a little bit jazzed bc that performance just fucking GETS me, man. lol

[redwolf17]

So I definitely get where this person is coming from, but Twitter OP wasn't making up a problem where none existed.

If you hop on social media, you can find plenty of fans who *only* talk about Hozier's love/sex songs, sometimes completely misrepresenting or ignoring the lyrics. I’m not gonna link any examples because I don’t want to risk directing harassment at them, but like, there's people posting Cherry Wine themed wedding dresses and playing it for first dances at weddings. Uh, for those who don't know, Cherry Wine is about domestic violence. Then there's people going on and on about how Eat Your Young is so hot because it's about oral sex. Which, yes, the intro lines do lean into that misdirect, but the entire rest of the song is political; the chorus literally talks about "skinning the children for a war drum".

There's nothing wrong with appreciating Hozier's love/sex songs. There is something icky about reducing an entire complex 50+ song discography to ONLY love/sex, even when many of the love/sex songs also have political lyrics. There is something icky about declaring Hozier an ancient fae bog prince raised by lesbians who makes "cottagecore" or "folk" music, rather than acknowledging that he's a leftist Irish dude in his early 30s who draws from blues/soul and other Black musical genres, a subject which he frequently talks about.

My point in making the original post was not to say "oh, if you think Take Me to Church is just about sex, you're an idiot." Yeah, the lyrics are pretty blatant, but I can see how someone might miss the political stuff if they're only listening casually. It happens, people sang "there's a bathroom on the right" for yeaaaars, lol, even though the song is named Bad Moon Rising.

Nor was I trying to say "oh, if you only know Would That I because it blew up on TikTok, you're not a real fan." Like, people discover new artists in all kinds of random or silly ways? Heck, I got introduced to Hozier on tumblr in 2019 because people on my timeline kept making pegging jokes about Dinner and Diatribes. Which, side note, is not what the song is about (and the objectification and sexualization of celebrities is an entirely different kettle of fish I'm not gonna touch RN) but that was the impetus for me to check out his music and interviews, at which point it was impossible NOT to notice all the politics woven in.

That was my general point with the post: to encourage people who aren't familiar with Hozier to also dig deeper into his music and lyrics, rather than sticking him into a very small, limiting box based on a couple songs that don't fully represent the breadth and depth of his music.

---------------

Side note, But the Wages is goddamn incredible, but it is not widely known among casual Hozier fans. Which is not their fault! It hasn't been released at ALL, not even a live version like the Jackboot Jump single. Which is is baffling to me, as the song is very well written and topical as hell, but for whatever reason Hozier hasn't seen fit to put it out into the world (yet?) Like, if there are songs that are meant to be played during a strike/protest/riot, hoo boy, this would be one of them!

🙃 Regular reminder that while Hozier has amazing love songs, he is ALSO very outspoken about his leftist politics, specifically anti-fascism, anti-racism, reproductive rights, Palestinian rights and more.

Take Me To Church and Foreigner’s God are scathing critiques of organized religion, specifically the Catholic Church.

Moment’s Silence is about oral sex but it’s ALSO about how that specific sexual act is often distorted to a show of power rather than that of love.

Nina Cried Power is an homage to various civil rights activists from the US and Ireland and a call to follow their path.

Be specifically criticizes anti-migrant policies and Trump and his ilk.

Jackboot Jump is about the global wave of fascism.

Swan Upon Leda is about reproductive rights and the violent colonial oppression of Ireland and Palestine.

Eat Your Young is about the ruinous way the 1%/capitalism prioritizes short-term profit over everything else to the detriment of the youth/99%.

Butchered Tongue is about Irish and other indigenous languages being suppressed and erased by imperial powers.

If any of the above surprised you, please, please delve deeper into Hozier’s music, you’re missing such an important part of his work.

[xf-cases-solved]

below the cut are my answers to the poang secret santa gift exchange questionnaire. if you follow me and have no idea wtf i'm talking about, feel free to ignore this 😘

okay, my adhd meds are at their peak atm, so i will try very very hard not to ramble for 84 years 😬

*update after completing: i failed. read my answer to number ten tho, if my inability to stfu is incredibly intimidating

The following questions are designed to give your Secret Santa more insight into the things you like so that they can try and tailor their gift more specifically toward you. You can put as much or as little detail as you wish. It is also not mandatory. If you’d prefer to just be surprised with whatever your Santa comes up with, that’s cool too! This questionnaire also doesn’t guarantee a specific gift. Look at it as providing a guideline for your Santa, but not a rigid set of rules, yeah? Cool. Let’s get started:

1. Starting broad, tell your Santa about your relationship to The X-Files. This could be how you got into The X-Files in the first place, what the show means to you, or just general information you think might be relevant for your Santa to know.

due to questionable parenting decisions on my mother’s part, i started watching the x-files in 1998 when i was approximately five years old. consequently, i quite literally grew up with the show, and sort of absorbed it into my soul so that it became an integral part of my personality and general sense of self. so it’s fairly meaningful to me, lol. it’s never felt like “just a tv show” to me, if that makes sense. it’s cornball af to say, but when i watch it, i get a sense of calm, like i’m coming home

that said, since i was a fucking baby when i started watching, and the only person i knew who also watched it was my mom, i didn’t really have a fandom experience. it’s only now, with the pogang, that i have finally felt like i am a part of the x-files community 🥺

x-files has been there for me through some incredibly difficult times, and this year has been very hard. so hard, in fact, that i purposefully triggered a hyperfixation. i was unbearably overwhelmed with life, and i literally thought to myself “if i start an x-files rewatch rn, i know i will become insane about it and it will distract me from the Everything™️,” which like, is that the healthiest choice in the world? mb not, but it led to me finding x-files friends for the first time in over 25 years, and that’s invaluable to me. so in terms of unhealthy coping mechanisms, i am giving myself a pass on this one

fuck, i’m already writing too much. why am i the person that i am…

2. Tell your Santa about your favorites! Favorite characters, favorite moments, favorite episodes, favorite seasons, favorite ships, etc.

so i’m all about simping mulder. to be clear, not me simping over mulder, but mulder simping over scully. from the jump, i have always been obsessed with mulder’s love for scully, and how batshit insane he is about it. the feminist in me is ashamed, bc i have always loved the episodes where scully gets kidnapped or injured (and there are A LOT of those), bc it meant mulder would lose his gd mind. fwiw, it’s mulder’s suffering i like here, not scully’s. (that probably doesn’t rly help my case, huh? oh well.) i love mulder worrying about her, searching for her, becoming unhinged about her. i love it when he’s jealous. i love it when he looks at her like she’s the most beautiful, precious thing in the universe. basically i want my mulder to be a sopping wet pathetic puppy attached to dana scully’s hip and entranced by her magic thrall. i want him to feel both eternally blessed and completely baffled by the fact that she loves him back. i’m pretty gay for gillian anderson/scully, and as i’m typing this i wonder how much of this is projection. let’s… not examine that

in terms of other favorites (oh my god why am i still talking??) you have to remember that i was a literal child when i developed my opinions about the show, so some of them are… bad, lol. (for example: i think “first person shooter” is a good episode, sue me. imagine how fucking cool it was as a little seven year old to see scully kick mulder’s ass at video games). consequently, “milagro” is my favorite episode 💀. i also really love “all things” 💀. i have good taste, too, tho. other faves are “detour,” “never again,” “memento mori,” “redux ii,” “irresistible,” “jose chung,” “clyde bruckman,” “triangle,” etc. given my mulder confession above, cancer arc is obviously what i assume they would put on loop for me in heaven. for no discernible reason, i have always had alex krycek as a favorite character, which baffled my mother a lot when i was little. the lone gunmen are also choice as hell. but at the end of the day, it always comes down to my favorite two agents. they’re the heart of the show, and the heart of my heart, or something ❤️

(god i’m sorry this is already too long and this is only question two aaaaa)

3. Tell your Santa about your LEAST favorites! We all love our show, but it also sucks sometimes. Which parts suck the most for you?

this show is very good at being very bad, i agree op! i cannot handle mulder/other (i feel the reasons are clear, given my simping mulder manifesto above). diana can get eaten by a flukeworm. s9 doesn’t exist, and s8 only exists when i’m in a particular mood. only parts of the revival exist, mainly the parts that involve rhys darby. i am very “deny everything” about the things i don’t like. mulder is gone for scully’s pregnancy? denied. brain disease? denied. divorce arc? denied. mulder is red/green colorblind? that makes no fucking sense, he’s an fbi agent, i’m pretty sure that would disqualify him, and also: denied.

you get the idea

also, and this is kinda weird, but bc of bad timing in terms of release date, “i want to believe” is intimately linked to some really bad personal trauma for me, and so i can’t watch it or even really engage with it. that’s the only x-files thing that i can think of that’s an actual trigger instead of a coping mechanism

4. Tell your Santa your favorite tropes and genres! Only one bed? Friends to lovers? 5+1? Fluff, angst, hurt/comfort? You get the idea.

i am open to many things. off the top of my head: first time, hurt/comfort (guess who i want to be hurting and who i want to be comforting; see #2 if you’re uncertain). angst (with a happy ending) is always choice. idk, it’s probably easier to list the tropes i DON’T like rather than the ones i’m chill with, which is convenient, given the next question

5. Tell your Santa about tropes you tend to avoid.

so glad you asked! again, not a lot i will write off immediately, but i do have a weird complex about 5+1 fics. i have no idea why. i think they remind me of doing annoying, structured writing exercises in my creative writing classes. there are many wonderful ones out there i’m sure, but i wouldn’t know, bc i don’t read them. au is actually usually one of my favorites, but with x-files i tend to lean more toward a preference for canon divergence than au, i say, having written two different x-files au fics

hard no-nos for me are: spanking; any sort of spit/scat/piss play; D/s unless it’s extremely mild; and i can handle dubious consent if it treads the line veeerrry carefully, but no explicit non-con plz&thnx

6. For your Santa, but also just for fun, describe your ideal X-Files episode. Is it mythology? MotW? A literal porno?

my favorite episode would be a MoTW, which is full of a lot of whimsy and flirting, but also at some point mulder is very concerned about scully’s safety bc -gestures at #2-. then it would end with them sort of solving it, but probably not actually, and then they have a heart-to-heart, and since it’s my imaginary dream episode, they have their first kiss and then fuck nasty all night, god bless and amen

7. Speaking of pornography, tell your Santa what your spice preference is, using the following scale:

Salt only⁠ ⁠— No spice at all please! I.e. General audience rating.

Black pepper ⁠— A hint of spice. I.e. Teen rating.

Chili pepper ⁠— There’s a bit of a kick! I.e. Mature rating.

Habanero ⁠— Definitely spicy, but most spice lovers can handle it. I.e. Explicit rating.

✨Ghost pepper✨ ⁠— Only for the spiciest of spice lovers. I.e. VERY explicit/kink/POANG rating.

i tend to loiter most around the chili pepper to ghost pepper range, but good fic/art/whatever definitely doesn’t have to have smut for me to appreciate it, so no pressure, secret santa, if smut isn’t your thing. (if it IS however, well then, by all means, go to town)

8. Those are the most important things, but I want there to be ten questions because it’ll look better, so tell your Santa what ONE song you would pick to describe MSR. (Or if you’re not into MSR, pick a song for your favorite ship, or for TXF as a whole.)

why the fuck did i ask this question when i knew i would struggle for an answer. my automatic response is “blue skies” by noah and the whale. i think the lyrics are fairly apt, but i also just listened to it on repeat a lot when i wrote my multi-chap txf au, so i might just associate it with msr in a like, pavlovian way. whatever

9. Almost there. Pick your favorite TXF quote.

too many, so let’s just go with “i’d do it all over again,” bc you bet your sweet ass i would

(oh, and also “you made me a whole person” bc what the fuuuuuuck, that’s the most insane, romantic thing to say to anyone, but especially your “platonic” coworker, jfc)

10. Aaaaand, ten. And the last question can be open ended: Is there anything else you think is important for your Santa to know? Put it here!

hooray, you’re free from my rambling! in all seriousness, what i want to make ABUNDANTLY CLEAR here is this: i clearly have a lot of thoughts and opinions about my our show, but the idea of someone taking time to create something for me, especially in this fandom where i have felt very lonely for a very long time, outweighs all of that shit. i don’t care if you’re newer at writing, or y⁠our artwork isn’t at a level you want it to be at, or your gifs are glitchy—i don’t care about any supposed flaws. whatever you make me, i will cherish. i can talk 5ever about x-files (believe it or not, i actually held back up there, isn’t that unhinged? i am broken), but i want to see x-files through your eyes, too. there is no pressure at all, friend, so please don’t worry about getting it wrong. you won’t. i promise ❤️

finally shutting up now! inbox is open if you have any questions. later, friend

-diz

[that-dreaded-wolf]

I do find it mildly baffling that any time anyone says anything that isn’t scathingly negative about Solas, someone else will come in like “yeah yeah whatever maybe you’re right but I’m chopping his fucking head off, it’s the only reason I’m getting Veilguard” like…? Okay, buddy? Good for you? Do you need another outlet for your feelings rn?

Ignoring the fact we don’t know if he’s gonna be killable or not it’s always very odd how intense some folks get about fictional characters who don’t fit their narrative or liking. I dislike plenty characters but it’s never made me rabidly mad to see those liking them. I just shrug, nod, move on. I’m basically referencing a response someone gave to me when I replied to a Reddit post that asked, from someone who disliked Solas, why others liked him, what about him was likable, etc. I just gave a lengthy run down on how I see his character. How it’s more complex than him just being a black and white villain, but kept saying “any opinions on him are valid, these are just super vital things about his character imo. You’re allowed to hate him” yet of course they still need to tell me just how much they do so.

Just be normal. Don’t jump on any mention of a specific character to tell potential fans of them, in depth, how you want to kill them.

[ittybxttykxttytxtty]

I HONESTLY FEEL LIKE WHILE READING THIS FIC,MY DEFAULT SETTING WILL ALWAYS BE CAPSLOCK. SO I HOPE YOU'RE USED TO IT BY NOW. THANKS 💕

As for Matt, you’d admittedly been doing your best to avoid him. He still had no idea about the pregnancy, and truthfully you weren’t quite ready to tell him. Over the past couple of weeks he had been calling you and leaving the occasional voicemail, but you’d ignored him every single time.

I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT BABY GIRL DESERVES THIS MOMENT OF PEACE. EVEN FOR A LIL BIT. GO AHEAD. I SUPPORT YOU IGNORING HIM. MAKE HIM SWEAT A BIT

“It’s just–” he began, grimacing before shaking his head. “Matt doesn’t know, does he? That you’re pregnant? Because you two aren’t together but you’re carrying his child. And I don’t think he’d be acting the way he is if he knew.”

FOGGY...YOUR FAITH IN MATT PUTS MATT'S FAITH IN GOD TO SHAME.

“If he knew the truth there’s no way Matt would’ve walked out on you like that,” Foggy told you earnestly. “There’s no way. He’d have stayed, I promise you that.”

FOGGY...BABY...

“I was crying and begging him to stay and he left . That’s on Matt, not me.”

“No, that man couldn’t possibly care about being a father. All he cares about is Daredevil and Hell’s Kitchen. He can have a relationship with his child, I won’t stop that, but I’m the one who’ll ultimately be raising this baby.”

YES YE SYS I ANBSJIA I CANT. SHE SAID IT. SHE HAS SPOKEN THE TRUTH.

“You don’t know Matt wouldn’t want to be a father.”

ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?!?! DID HE TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT?!?! DID HE SAY HE HAS PLANS TO BE A DAD IN THE FUTURE. IK IDK MUCH BECAUSE MY KNOWLEDGE ABOUT MATT WANTING TO BE A DAD IS LIMITED BUT WITH ALL THINGS CONSIDERED HE DOESNT HE REALLY SCREAM FATHER MATERIAL

“But I know Matt. He wouldn’t walk away from his own child. He wouldn’t .”

OKAY, FINE. IF FOGGY SAYS IT THEN I KINDA MAYBE SORTA ON THIN FUCKING ICE ACCEPT IT I GUESS. BECAUSE I TRUST FOGGY MORE THAN MATTHEW RN.

“You and I will be just fine on our own,” you whispered drowsily, patting your bump. “I’ll find a way to make this work. One way or another, we'll both be okay.”

BET, BABY GIRL. WE CAN MAMMA MIA OUR WAY THROUGH THIS. MERYL STREEP AND I BELIEVE IN YOU. 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

“Are you fucking serious, Matt?” Foggy snapped.

TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH TO SNAP AT HIM BUT IT IS WELCOMED. GO AHEAD. TEAR HIM A NEW ONE.

“Fog, I’ve been trying to reach out to her,” he replied calmly, trying to soothe his friend’s anger. “I’ve called her countless times over the past couple of weeks. I’ve left her multiple messages. She keeps ignoring me and not answering my calls. Clearly she doesn’t want to hear what I have to say. There’s nothing I can do about that.”

i cant even bring myself to use capslock on this....it just baffles me how committed he is into not putting effort...like i am honestly amazed at this point. how can you say you love someone and not even make any effort in trying to make things right? or even try to end it without any bad blood...is he fr?

Matt’s hand twitched from its place on the desk out of instinct, ready to dart out and grab Foggy’s wrist, but he was stunned when his friend actually landed a hit upside his head.

AND HERE COMES FOGGY WITH A STEEL CHAIR

“And I’m disappointed in you! You damn well know you could show up at her apartment if she’s not answering your calls. You’re just making excuses.”

THAT'S IT. CALL HIM OUT LIKE A PRIEST CHASTISING SINNERS IN CHURCH.

“Okay,” he agreed, nodding again. “Okay, I’ll go talk to her. I promise.”

I'LL BELIEVE IT WHEN I SEE RESULTS.

After thots:

- baby girl deserves that me time 💕✨ go ahead, queen and lil devil, bond ✨ relax ✨ ignore thy father ✨

- did matthew even try? honestly? like him trying feels so forced?? that im beginning to doubt his feelings for her

- welp, we now know that these idiots would literally not survive without Foggy 🫂

Anyways, another chapter another round of feels 🥹 sending hugs and patience to everyone even to you, Ms. Bella. ik that typing matt's actions causes pain 🫂

Seeking Forgiveness [Part Four]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader Word Count: 3.7k

[Full summary and installment list for this series can be found here.]

Warnings/tags: 18+ contains angst, emotional hurt, delayed comfort, pregnant Reader

a/n: This one switches POVs at the end to Matt's. Hopefully you like the update because I quite enjoyed writing Foggy in this one. You'll see why... Feedback is always appreciated!

Tag List: @mattmurdocksstarlight @just-going-through-the-motions @paracosmic-murdock @yeonalie @auroraslibrary @1988-fiend @will-delete-this-later-probably @two-unbeatable-beaters @danzer8705 @ragamuffin285 @callmebrooklynbabes @spookyboogyuniverse @peachy-aisha @stevenknightmarc @nerdytreeflower @fucktthisworld @remuslupinwifee @kmc1989 @mywellspringoflife @thornbushrose @yarrystyleeza @shiorimakibawrites @thychuvaluswife @marvelcinematiquniverse @vallovesthedilfs @scoliobean @this--is--music @mattmurdocks6thscaleapartment @ashlynhasmanyhyperfixations @swissy23 @lilthbunny @that-girl-named-alex

Chewing another bite of your burger, you were barely focused on the conversation occurring at the table amongst your friends. You had been starving ever since the four of you had met at the restaurant, the smell of grilled food causing you to salivate the moment you’d stepped through the doors. So once the waiter had placed your burger on the table in front of you–the one thing you’d been craving nonstop all day–you’d tuned everything else around you out. Marci had shot you a curious look when you'd first dug into your food, but you’d chosen to ignore that, too.

Initially you’d set up this lunch date with your friends so that you could break the news to Foggy and Marci that you were pregnant. For the past two weeks now Karen had helped you keep your secret, but now that you were eight weeks along and had seen that everything was progressing well at your first ultrasound, you thought it was time to clue the pair of them into things, too. You’d been appreciative of Karen’s support lately, but truthfully being even less alone in everything right now sounded even more comforting and appealing.

As for Matt, you’d admittedly been doing your best to avoid him. He still had no idea about the pregnancy, and truthfully you weren’t quite ready to tell him. Over the past couple of weeks he had been calling you and leaving the occasional voicemail, but you’d ignored him every single time. And since you hadn’t had the heart to hear his voice or whatever it was he had to say for himself, you currently had twelve unopened voicemails from him. 

You knew you needed to tell Matt the news. Every day you told yourself that, and every day it was a constant battle with yourself between ripping the bandaid off and showing up at his apartment to tell him or not. But then you always became emotional at the thought of just seeing Matt again, and you ultimately always came to the conclusion that you just weren’t quite ready to face him, not with this. You also knew that it wasn’t the sort of news you thought you should tell him in a phone call, either. So for now, Matt had no idea you were pregnant with his child. 

“Whoa, slow down there,” Foggy teased from across the table. “Your burger is not going to get up and run away from you if you set it down to breathe for a moment.”

It took a second for you to realize that he was even talking to you, having been too focused on eating your food. Your gaze slowly slid up from your plate, noticing three sets of eyes on you. Thankfully Karen’s expression was more amused and knowing than confused and judging like Foggy and Marci’s across from you. Swallowing down your bite of burger, you lowered it back down towards your plate, sitting up straighter in the booth. You sent the pair of them across from you a sheepish smile, watching as Marci’s hand rose up towards her mouth. 

"You've uh…got some ketchup," she said, gesturing beside her lip. “Right here.”

Reaching over, you grabbed your napkin and dabbed at the glob of ketchup on your face. You could still feel all three sets of eyes on you as you wiped off the ketchup, and one look up from your plate confirmed your suspicions. Eyes darting over towards Karen beside you, you saw her send you a slight nod and a soft, encouraging smile. With a sigh you wiped your hands off on your napkin next, figuring now was as good a time as any during this lunch to break the news to Foggy and Marci. And at least the irritating hunger-nausea that seemed to accompany early pregnancy was temporarily abated with how fast you’d eaten half of your burger.

“Sorry,” you muttered. 

Foggy waved a dismissive hand, shrugging his shoulders as he sent you a smile. “Not a big deal, though I thought you had asked us here because you wanted to talk to us about something.”

“There uh, there actually was a reason,” you agreed, nodding slowly.

Your eyes slid back and forth between Foggy and Marci, your fingers fidgeting nervously with the napkin still in your hands. The pair of them curiously focused on you from across the table, lowering their utensils and giving you their full attention. Biting the inside of your cheek, you contemplated how you were supposed to tell them something so big. How did you lead up to telling someone that you're pregnant? So when you inevitably couldn’t think of anything to gradually broach the topic with, you opted for just spitting it right out.

“I’m pregnant,” you announced. “Just over eight weeks now.”

Marci’s eyes instantly doubled in size at the news, her lips parting in surprise as she gaped at you. Foggy’s jaw literally dropped, his entire body going rigid in the booth. From beside you, you felt Karen place a gentle hand on your shoulder, giving it a brief comforting squeeze.

“Holy shit,” Foggy breathed out.

You shot him another sheepish smile, still fidgeting with the napkin. “Yeah,” you muttered, “that’s about what I said initially, too.”

“So–so is it…Matt’s?” Marci asked slowly, her brows drawing together.

“Yes,” you answered.

“Whoa, whoa, wait a minute,” Foggy said, frantically waving his hands in front of himself. “You’re pregnant? Like right now? With Matt’s baby?”

“Yes,” you repeated.

Marci began to run a hand through her blonde hair, her lips pursing together as that furrow between her brows grew while she tried to process the information. Foggy was still sitting in the booth beside her and staring at you in utter disbelief. After a minute of that incredulous expression on his face, you quirked a brow at him, no longer able to stand the silence that had fallen over the table.

“What?” you asked him.

“It’s just–” he began, grimacing before shaking his head. “Matt doesn’t know, does he? That you’re pregnant? Because you two aren’t together but you’re carrying his child. And I don’t think he’d be acting the way he is if he knew.”

“Yeah, well,” you began bitterly, picking up your glass of water and bringing it to your lips for a drink, “that’s Matt’s fault.”

“So you’re just not going to tell him?” Foggy asked in shock, his brows shooting up onto his forehead. “You can’t possibly do that to him. You wouldn’t .”

“I am going to tell him,” you said, setting your glass back onto the table. “I tried to tell him that I was pregnant the night we broke up. But he wouldn’t stay to talk to me. Said he needed to go deal with the Russians. Again . He’s the one who told me to leave that night. Told me I could tell him whatever it was I needed to when he got back or that I could go." You winced, eyes dropping down towards your half-finished burger. “He left me alone that night–left us alone. So forgive me for not rushing to tell him the news a second time,” you snapped. “Because I don’t think I should have come last that night on his list of priorities, so right now he's not exactly at the top of mine.” 

“If he knew the truth there’s no way Matt would’ve walked out on you like that,” Foggy told you earnestly. “There’s no way. He’d have stayed, I promise you that.”

Your eyes flew up from the table, landing back on Foggy across from you. There was an almost pleading look on his face as he sat there across from you. But as you opened your mouth to respond, you could feel that familiar rush of anger unfurling inside of you as you remembered that night.

“I practically begged him to stay and talk to me, Fog,” you growled, one arm possessively wrapping around your abdomen. “I was crying and begging him to stay and he left . That’s on Matt, not me.”

“I absolutely agree with you on that,” Foggy replied quickly, nodding his head. “He briefly told me what happened that night and I agree that he fucked up. Big time. But knowing what I do now? I know Matt needs to know the truth. He needs to make things right–”

“There’s no way Matt could make any of this right, Fog,” you cut him off. “And even if there somehow was, do you really think Matt would want to raise a child? With what he does? How obsessive he gets over things? The way he doesn’t even take care of himself?” You shook your head quickly, one arm still possessively wrapped around your belly. “No, that man couldn’t possibly care about being a father. All he cares about is Daredevil and Hell’s Kitchen. He can have a relationship with his child, I won’t stop that, but I’m the one who’ll ultimately be raising this baby.”

“You don’t know that,” Foggy countered, shaking his head as he leaned across the table towards you with that pleading expression only growing more desperate on his face. “You don’t know Matt wouldn’t want to be a father.”

“Actually, Fog,” Marci said, cutting him off, “I think I’m with her on this. From the things I’ve heard about Matt’s hobby from you and Karen, I was honestly shocked he had managed to successfully keep a relationship for as long as he has. But being a father? That’s an even bigger responsibility. I mean, he already has difficulty prioritizing the firm with you and Karen half the time. You really think a baby would be any different?”

“Yes!” Foggy exclaimed, his eyes darting between you and Marci. “Matt has his flaws, sure, I know that. I do,” he continued fervently. “But I know Matt. He wouldn’t walk away from his own child. He wouldn’t .” 

"I'm with Fog on this," Karen said, catching everyone's attention. "I think Matt wouldn't be acting this way if he knew."

Marci’s eyes narrowed at Karen, her head slowly tilting to the side. "You already knew she was pregnant, didn't you?" she asked. "Because you don't seem very surprised right now."

"She showed up at my place shortly after the breakup and I told her," you explained. "I just didn't want to be alone in all of this. I had been waiting until after my ultrasound to break the news to you and Foggy next. I just–just wanted you all to know so I wasn't entirely alone."

Marci’s hand slid across the table towards yours, grabbing onto it. She sent you a warm smile that swiftly quieted the anger you felt towards Matt that had been burning inside of you for weeks now.

"You're not alone in this," she assured you, squeezing your hand. "You've always got us."

"Yeah," Foggy agreed, his face softening when you glanced at him beside her. "Whatever happens with Matt in all of this, you know we're always here for you. Through anything."

Tears began to fill your eyes, your lips trembling at the show of support. Truly you were grateful that everything with Matt had led you to at least meeting all three of them.

"Thanks guys," you whispered. "You don't know what that means to me."

Shutting your apartment door behind yourself, you turned and leaned your back up against it, slipping your aching feet out of your shoes with a deep groan. Head rolling back against the door as you stretched your toes, your eyes took in the sight of your empty apartment. Everything was neat and tidy except for the couch in your living room, which was often where you found yourself cocooned in a soft blanket whenever you were home lately, binging your shows and trying to ignore the hollow, lingering pain in your chest from your persistent heartache. 

The pillows on your couch were a mess, a couple of them stacked together and resting against an armrest that you'd long since claimed as your usual spot. The extra height of them stacked helped with your nasal congestion–another unfortunate perk of pregnancy you’d recently come to learn about. Your plush blanket was still strewn across the cushions looking exactly the same as when you'd crawled out from underneath it earlier to get ready for your lunch date with your friends. Truthfully your couch still looked about as inviting as anything could to you lately.

With a sigh, your right hand absently landed on your belly. Any other normal Sunday in the past you'd have had plans with Matt right now. Grabbing groceries together or maybe getting coffee. Planning out dinner or listening to audiobooks on the couch. Having mind-blowing sex in the bedroom that left you blissed out and pleasantly exhausted afterwards, the pair of you remaining naked in bed just talking and losing track of time for half the day.

But not today. 

Though admittedly it had been awhile since Matt had been able to give you his undivided attention on a weekend. Usually he had been trying to catch up on work or sleep before he went back out again as Daredevil at night. But that didn't stop the sting of his absence that you’d felt over the past few weeks since the breakup.

Eyes dropping down to your abdomen, a faint smile curled your lips upwards. You weren't truly alone though. Not fully. And at least Foggy and Marci knew the truth about your pregnancy now and were completely supportive of you. That's what mattered at the moment. 

"Alright my little devil," you whispered to your small bump affectionately, "what's on the agenda for tonight?"

Lifting the hem of your shirt up with your other hand, you stretched out the spandex band of your maternity pants with a frown. They had become far more comfortable than your actual jeans this past week, especially once those had been near impossible for you to actually button closed. You’d recently bought a few basic maternity items, but the maternity jeans made you feel considerably less attractive with that stretchy band reaching up to almost the bottom of your bra. 

"Should I get into something significantly more comfortable than these maternity pants?" you asked your bump. "Maybe those cozy, stretchy leggings I just bought? Then you and I could curl up and take a nap on the couch before figuring out dinner?"

Pushing off of the door, you bent down with another groan as you picked up your shoes and placed them in the nearby closet. Afterwards, you shuffled your tired feet through your living room and straight towards your bathroom just through the short hallway.

"But first I'm going to pee for the millionth time today," you muttered under your breath. "Something I feel like I'm doing all the time now."

You used the bathroom quickly before heading to your room, taking your time to switch your clothes into something more comfortable. It wasn’t like you were planning to go out anywhere for the rest of your Sunday night. It didn’t matter that you were wearing a massive oversized shirt and a pair of maternity leggings that you’d rolled the waistband down to just below your bump. No one was going to see you, anyway.

“Alright,” you murmured as you left your bedroom, shuffling your way back down the hallway towards your living room. “Let’s nap and figure out dinner afterwards. Seems like you’re feeling pasta tonight, so I guess that’s the plan.”

Settling onto the couch, you pulled your feet up onto the cushions and underneath your blanket before you laid down. Almost instantly you could feel your sinuses closing up and you tried to ignore your irritation at it. At least it wasn’t the nausea, because that admittedly had been the worst part of everything so far. Getting comfortable on the couch, you tugged the blanket up to your chin, your eyes steadily closing as your exhaustion began to overtake you.

“You and I will be just fine on our own,” you whispered drowsily, patting your bump. “I’ll find a way to make this work. One way or another, we'll both be okay.”

Matt leaned forward, resting his elbows on his desk as he buried his face in his hands. He was tired and annoyed this morning, irritated that his Sunday out hadn’t been too eventful last night. Ever since he’d finished dealing with the Russians, having gotten Petrov into police custody with the help of Mahoney, Hell’s Kitchen had been oddly quiet on the organized crime front. Which was poor timing considering the fact that Matt hadn’t wanted to stay in his apartment where he’d just be reminded how alone he was every night. 

It didn’t help that he’d been sleeping horribly, too. He wasn’t out as late as he had been for the past few weeks, meaning he had the time to sleep, but he clearly lacked the ability lately. His mind just wouldn’t seem to quiet, becoming almost louder than the sounds of the city around him when he tried to. Which was also quite irritating. 

With an annoyed huff, he slid his hands down his face, straightening back up in his chair. He picked up his glasses from his desk and placed them back onto his face. He was tired but he still had work to do. There was a frustrating case he’d been helping Foggy with lately and he figured he could distract himself with that today. He didn’t want to think about anything else.

Though Matt had barely gotten far focusing on the case before he heard Foggy entering the office, closing the door a bit harsher than usual behind himself. Even Karen startled in her office at the unexpected rough slam of the door. Matt’s brows furrowed behind his glasses immediately afterwards when he heard Foggy make his way straight to his office instead of his own. 

Confused, Matt’s head darted up just as Foggy threw his door open. He could practically feel the anger radiating off of Foggy as he stepped into the room, his breathing heavy and his heart beating a little faster than usual. Matt’s eyes narrowed curiously behind his lenses at the tension in Foggy’s body and the increase in his blood pressure.

“Are you fucking serious, Matt?” Foggy snapped.

Matt's brows knitted further together, even more confused at Foggy's behavior this morning. He hadn't seen Foggy all weekend, what could he have done to upset him?

“About what exactly?” he asked carefully.

Foggy stormed further into the room, roughly slamming both of his hands flat on Matt’s desk as he leaned forward. Matt’s head tilted curiously to the side, noticing the elevation in Foggy’s heart rate further increasing. Apparently his answer hadn’t been the right one.

“You said you’d talk to her, Matt!” Foggy yelled. “You told me you were going to apologize and make things up to her! You told me that!”

Of course this was about you.

“Fog, I’ve been trying to reach out to her,” he replied calmly, trying to soothe his friend’s anger. “I’ve called her countless times over the past couple of weeks. I’ve left her multiple messages. She keeps ignoring me and not answering my calls. Clearly she doesn’t want to hear what I have to say. There’s nothing I can do about that.”

Foggy scoffed loudly, angrily shaking his head. “There’s nothing you can do about that?” he shot back sarcastically. “Are you serious? Dammit, Matt!”

Matt heard the way Foggy’s hand swiftly rose from the desk, swinging through the air towards himself. Matt’s hand twitched from its place on the desk out of instinct, ready to dart out and grab Foggy’s wrist, but he was stunned when his friend actually landed a hit upside his head. 

“What the hell, Fog?” Matt snapped, scooting back in his desk chair as he ran a hand over the sore spot on his temple. “What’d you hit me for?”

“Honestly, I–I’m surprised you even let me do that,” Foggy said, his anger briefly replaced by surprise. “Figured you would’ve stopped me before I could.”

“Well I didn’t think you were actually going to hit me!” Matt shot back. “Why the hell did you hit me?”

“Because I’m pissed at you, Matt!” Foggy roared, anger quickly returning. “And I’m disappointed in you! You damn well know you could show up at her apartment if she’s not answering your calls. You’re just making excuses.”

“Show up and do what, Fog?” Matt retorted. “Force her to talk to me when she clearly wants nothing to do with me? Hurt both of us even more by forcing that interaction? It’s probably better if she goes on hating me anyway. She’ll move on faster, at least.”

Foggy’s hand flew to the bridge of his nose, pinching it between his fingers. Matt heard the sharp hiss of his frustration between his gritted teeth. Seeing how upset Foggy was had Matt quickly beginning to question just why he was so worked up over this situation. It was between you and him, after all. Why did Foggy want you to apologize and talk this badly?

“Just promise me you’ll go over there and physically talk to her, okay?” Foggy said, his anger barely restrained. “That you’ll offer her a proper apology and talk to her?”

Matt shifted in his seat, his eyes once again narrowing behind his lenses. “Why is this so important to you?” he asked carefully. “It’s been a few weeks now, why are you still so adamant that we talk?”

“Because,” Foggy said, his fingers releasing his nose as his hand lowered to his side, “I know how important it is for the both of you. And I also know how stubborn and idiotic you can be. Someone needs to kick you in the ass before you make a big mistake an even bigger one. So just promise me you’ll talk to her.”

Matt’s tongue slipped out between his lips, nervously wetting them. After a moment he nodded, hearing the way Foggy’s heart rate started to gradually decrease back to its normal pace.

“Yeah, alright,” he assured his friend. “I’ll talk to her.”

“And I mean soon, Matt,” Foggy pressed. “Not in another few weeks.”

“Okay,” he agreed, nodding again. “Okay, I’ll go talk to her. I promise.”

[hyunverse]

okay so i am DEF not tearing up at how adorable that playlist is wtf 😭💔💔💔 that is literally the cutest thing i’ve ever seen and all those songs are so perfect for him. so soft rn i love it. ALSO ROMEO AND JULIET INSPO ?? MY HEART IS EVEN MORE BROKEN NOW 😩 when i used to write fanfics, dialogue was always my fave part too :)). i feel like you can do so much w it and express so much so easily yk ? and hyunjin dialogue always make me weak in the knees like you guys just know how to write him and write what he’d say so accurately

wishing you luck at bowling today and also for the skz album 🙏🏼 being the oldest sibling, i would 100% buy my siblings an album if they were into kpop so hopefully he’ll do the same

andddd gonna make it easier for you and reply to my other one here ^_^ apologies again for how frazzled i am 😭 but yea the lip piercing on hyunjin just…. no words can explain. like genuinely i cannot explain the way it makes me feel. it’s just perfect. and good lord purple minho 😩😩😩 THE FLUFFY STYLING TOO ??? EVEN BETTER. LIKE ITS SO GOOD ??? i need more colored hair minho i feel like it’s so underrated. AND SEUNGMIN i wanna see more colors on him bc his hair is so perfect. or even bringing the pink bangs back.. yes please 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

- 🐈‍⬛

i feel like a majority of stayblr writers are able to write so well for him due to the fact that he is a complete hopeless romantic. it’s easy for romance writers to write him because he himself is the epitome of romance, you get me? written by a woman type of man. it’s also why i find it easy to make a playlist for him, cause i feel like any love songs would suit hyune </3 you’re right, dialogues are super fun. says a lot about a character and i would say dialogues are the most impactful parts in a fic!!

it’d be tmr for me! it is still the same day rn hehe, wednesday, eighth of march here ^__^ my timezone is gmt +8. what’s yours, if you don’t mind me asking? i’m also actually the oldest sibling, so we’re twinning again hehehe. ‘m always the one to buy my siblings things, so it wouldn’t hurt to ask for something just ONCE, right. . . ? (completely ignoring how i one time coaxed my brother into buying me genshin impact primogems LOL)

don’t apologize, milov. i, too, am a mess. i honestly feel like i could ramble to u abt anything for ages. one of it being hyunjin’s (alleged) tongue piercing predebut AND that belly button piercing in play with fire dance cover 🗣 mmm curls deffo look good on minho. likeeeeeeee brooooo. makes him look all boyish and and dreamy and and looking like my future hubby 🤠 you don’t understand just what i would do to get strawberry blonde minho. gonna call him my strawb strawbs 💭 for the love of god jype pls change seungmin’s hair colour sometimes 😔🙏 that hairstyle he had during 2022 mama awards tho? bias wrecked everybody and they mamas. i was left absolutely BAFFLED. a couple of stays i know ended up seungmin biased because of the look and I GET IT 💯 maxident was his era too HE OWNEDDDDD IT WITH THEM PINK BANGS. i need and i mean i NEED that blue hyune had on seungmin. grunge seungmin would END kpop i’m telling UUU. omw to the cuties dorm to put hair dye in his shampoo, wanna join? we can put some in minho’s shampoo too zzzZzz.