#ig it depends how sensitive you are as a person

[chronicallyonline101]

Chapter 12 of Dumb Killers should be out in the next few days! I've got two more scenes to write, and they're about 5k words each so if I'm determined enough it should be out this Saturday or Sunday! Preferably Saturday, since i'm busy Sunday, but just, be prepared!

[glueser]

hey guys its me

just for reference

BY THE WAY IF I MAKE YOU UPSET OR UNCOMFORTABLE PLEASE TELL ME SO THAT I KNOE WHAT NOT TO DO OR SAY!!! I WOULD RATHER BE UPSET AT MYSELF THAN HAVE YOU BE UNCOMFORTABLE BECAUSE OF SOMETHING I DID OR SAID /nf /gensrs /lh

the names i go by are Jacob or Taz :3

PLEASE ONLY CALL MY TAZMODEUS/JAKE/OTHER NICKNAMES IF WE ARE FRIENDS/MUTUALS!!! i am very uncomfortable with strangers calling me nicnames /gensrs

theantthatstoleyourlunch -> glueser

my old blog was @/redditplatinum

My dni is anyone depending on how im feeling idk but mostly creepy people

i have 0 personal tags i never remember to my posts with personal tags but i try to put tw and cw tags for things in posts that might be sensitive content for some reason and if i forget please dm me the thing i forgot to put a tw/cw tag on :)

I have rp blogs @/midnightstaresandwalks2 and also @/epicrollerskater

my art blog is @/glueser-draws

I have a gimmick blog called @bands-where-they-shouldnt-be

this blog will be fixated on regretavator, dhmis (maybe), and tmnt (also maybe) but regretavator is the biggest thing currently

also silly little thing erm i do not ship characters i like but a lot of the cool art of characters i like is ship art

so uh *curls up in a corner and cries* /hj /silly

I also have tags #fav #favorite #archive #my favorites just for my own evil nefarious purposes (remembiering things)

also i'll try to tag long posts as glueser epic rant

MUTUALS DM ME 4 MY BLUESKY ACC

I also have a strawpage ig yeah

[stellas-starry-sillies13]

YAYAYAYAYAYAYA MATCHUPSSS

I'm a girl and I'm looking for a pjsk matchup!

my personality?? um, god I'm an annoying motherfucker. when I find someone who's willing to listen, I will yap for hours about my interests. I have hpd, bpd(?), and adhd which is super duper fun totally 😐 but I think I'm funny maybe idk? I'm really insecure and I like actually can't find anything good about myself 😓 maybe I'm a fast learner? I'm sort of a nerd like, I'm in accelerated math 🤓

things I'm most sensitive to? idk what this means but ig I hate bugs and clowns and vomit and that shit. also when my s/o isn't giving me attention I would literally start screaming crying shaking.

my number one talent is simping. 💀 I have a shrine for 2 different people and when I have a crush on someone they're all I talk about 😭

my hobbies are drawing, writing, playing pjsk, and screaming lyrics of songs I like really loudly. I've also been getting back into dance lately that's pretty sigma. age range is 13-15 and there are no characters i don't want to be matched up with

what i want in an s/o? think of seo changbin from skz 🤩 jkjk (only slightly) i want a s/o thats nice to me, is at least slightly taller than me, (5'4), is funny, has decent fashion sense, and a real nice voice (but I suppose that's all the pjsk boys..)

what i don't want in an s/o is as I stated earlier, someone who doesn't give me attention, someone who puts me down, someone who brushes off my interests, and someone with a bad hairstyle /hj

yeah ty!! if this ask gets sent into the void I WILL cry!!!

' . < Project sekai matchup No. 1~! > . '

A/N: omg you do good in math??? You sound like a good s/o already. Girl if you like think think im sure you can find good stuff abt you. Liiiike you have a nice humor you made me crack a smile several times while reading this. Also idk youre just a fun person. ADHD? I xan relate. Its not confirmed but i probably do have it. Liek seriously whenever im doing my my math i just randomly start daydreaming and my mom always has to snap me back to reality. Thankfully she finds it funny lol and doesnt scold me for it. Also we're the same height so yay. Also same age range. We kin eachother fr.

Anyway! For the grand reveal, I match you up with....

` . < Rui~! > . '

A/N: Im sorry when you said you want someone who shows you attention i immediately thought of rui.

He will listen to every single detail of your rambles about your interests

Honestly finds it adorable

As someone who also rambles a lot about his own interests, he can relate

He understands that you have hpd and will give you all the attention in the world if you so desire

I like to think he will be very physically affectionate. With this mam, how could you NOT get all the attention in the world??

Finds your 'annoying' personality endearing

Sometimes just watches you draw over your shoulder without saying a word and then you just turn around and see him there and be like 'wth did you come from??'

Asks you to draw him

Loves to just watch you and observe you dance. Might even ask for you to teach him on of your dances. (Idr if it its canon that wxs dances but they prolly do, so)

Def teaches you one of the dances he performs

Im not sure if he has a decent fashion sense.. Idk depends ony our perspective

His voice though? Its the definition of nice. Like out of all the boys his is gentle and smooth. Sounds nice to me

[twistedastrology]

- Cancers at their worst -

----------------------------------------------------------

i just saw an ig post (no shade to the original poster) that said a cancer's dark side was everything they are stereotyped to be (extremely emotional/sensitive, are way too kind and always think people are judging them) and as a cancer that may be about to go neurotic again rn im gonna tell you from my personal experience what a cancer's dark side is actually like.

like i said though im going off of mostly just my experience so if this doesn't resonate, my bad- i did my best 🙏😔

to understand the nature of a cancer at their worst, you have to actually understand water and its potential volatility.

remember when i talked abt cancers and rage and how i said cancers are fire-coded (cardinal) water? keep that in mind for just abt this entire post.

fire is pure energy, and so is water, water just has more space to hold said energy- where fire burns out quickly, water doesn't dry out that fast at all especially if you have an ocean specifically.

people who say cancers (or really any water sign honestly-) are crybabies and switch moods every 5 seconds do not understand what water really is and this topic makes me a little livid sometimes because those are the same people that made me not like my rising sign for a long time.

to understand a cancers rock bottom, think about what water can do.

tsunamis can kill hundreds of thousands of people if they're big enough.

hurricanes, and sometimes tornadoes, form over water when the temperature is right.

the pressure at the bottom of the ocean can crush almost anything in an instant except for what has specifically evolved to live down there.

rain can lead to insane flooding (fellow floridians remember hurricane ian 2yrs ago 😕)

we have explored less of our ocean than the space around us, can you imagine what oceans on other planets would be like? especially the planets or moons that are almost Entirely water?

water represents emotion, yes, but when we boil that down to water signs being overly emotional, it doesn't make any sense and it makes some people, at least the ones that are like me, ashamed of their water placements because our society loves to say "emotion = bad." when obviously that is not true.

But if we wanna talk about the actual dark shit, aka my jupiter in scorpio's favorite shit, u gotta strap in.

Cancers feel more rage than anything.

i talked abt this specifically in my cancers and rage post, but it's true for this as well.

to use myself as the example, whenever i feel depressed or upset for some reason (like today), it's never just that sad feeling, it is always accompanied by a distinct anger because i get pissed that i feel like shit.

but if that rage doesn't get its way, or worse, gets too much of its way, i can succumb to a state of misery or, at my worst, neurosis, where multiple god awful things happen.

im not one to stay down for long, the last and first time i went neurotic, it only lasted for a week until i snapped out of it, but it was still very damaging.

cancers at their worst will feel an urge to self-destruct that may or may not be uncontrollable depending on other placements in the chart and of course how shitty they feel.

they will find something detrimental to do and if they genuinely can't, they will instead just mentally rip themselves open and daydream about what it would be like to just completely lose control and fall into a self-destructive spiral.

that's what happened to me when i went neurotic. one wrong decision and, having no access to anything that would take a toll on my physical body, i ripped myself to pieces in my head and almost fell in love with the act.

like gerard way said, there's something very romantic about it.

cancers can get moody, yes, but at this point they'll go mostly numb and tearing at their soul is the only thing they enjoy.

and then the pain will catch up to them.

once that pain catches up to them, two things will happen.

they will begin to realize what they've been doing and how pointless it is, and they will activate a duality within themselves of the desire to hurt and the need for pain relief.

they will tear at themselves even more, knowing they shouldn't be doing what they are, but it's a vicious cycle.

this will happen, and then the potential for redemption begins to boil over.

after being in the dark, blissfully hidden depths of their own mental ocean, they will realize they can't breathe anymore, and they will either suffocate themselves or snap their eyes open and swim up until they see the light they deprived themselves of for however long.

once they've made it to the surface, they gasp to catch their breath, their tears being of the need for pain relief winning against their desire to hurt.

now the water is not a personal vice, but a cleansing presence that makes them feel understood. the water gets it. the water would never judge them for what they did.

after being in the dark embrace of the depths of the ocean for so long, the light finally hitting your eyes makes color seem so much more vibrant.

- 🌙 -

all this to say that, at their worst, cancers can succumb to self destruction like no other, but they have the drive to keep them going to even them out.

they don't just cry all day or switch moods 24/7, they fall into a vat of water that, the deeper they go, reveals more and more of their very soul.

it's the deepest level of shadow work, it's the pain no one wants to go through because it's the pain of losing your personal momentum and then having to find it again in an instant before it's gone forever.

OR i could be totally wrong idk But this is my experience!!!! ✨💞💞✨💞✨💞✨💞✨ God belsls!!!!!!!!

my bad that was real dark and poetic writing now i gotta balance it out Uhhhmmmmm Legalize nuclear bombs. 💥

[enden-k]

Can I ask what makes Arlecchino evil? I'm v much a villain enjoyer and like some morally greyness, but I genuinely didn't pick up on a lot of bad stuff with Arlecchino. She was super helpful during Fontaine and seemed to be the only powerful person who cared about helping the common folk when the water levels were rising.

I'm not here to start an argument, just wanna expand my view 🙏

dw didnt think u want to argue! i will also use this to say i wont tolerate arguments, this goes for everyone here

i will talk about sensitive themes under the cut (mentions of when i was groomed/emotionally abused by my adoptive father/mentions of abuse/grooming in general) so if someones not good with this, be warned please and dont click for your emotional comfort.

i really love arlecchino (theres also difficult, personal reasons ig) and id rather wait for her to arrive to get more information than we have so far through other characters/side quests/main quest but well.

her goals aligned with ours in the fontaine quest which is why we have the impression shes a good/nice person, especially considering our other meetings with the harbingers we met so far (signora, childe, scara, dottore) and the situations. shes very calm and diplomatic (lets see how it changes in the next update when we fight her)

but we shouldnt forget how the travellers on their toes the entire time/everytime they come in contact with arle. its because shes a harbinger after all. shes a danger. her graceful politeness and calmness is supposed to have you on guard, make your hairs rise. shes mentioned to be manipulative and shes manipulating others to achieve what she wants by being nice and calm. she has ulterior motives. we should be careful. this is my impression based on my own gaming experience and idk if it was the same w others, but bc of us being on guard around her i was always prepared for her to turn on us until the end of the main quest.

anw, arle is supposed to be intimidating and have you wary. even tho she comes off as nice and polite, having done good and helped in the main story. its bc thats what she wanted and you happened to have the same goal. also lets not forget scaras and childes thoughts about her which already tells a lot

she has two sides. the one we saw in the quest, the graceful, calm, polite face to get what she wants. and the other, the one scara and childe talk about here, the one they call "crazy"

not to mention her codename, "the knave". what does it mean? servant. what else does it mean? "dishonest/deceitful man". basically, swindler. isnt it perfect?

shes manipulative and whatever her "true" nature is, we dont know (yet). she may have "good intentions" here or there but will achieve them no matter what it takes.

as for the thing you can consider as bad; the house of the hearth is an orphanage that raises children into fatui agents. only those who have potential join the ranks while the others are kept close (its not known whats done with them afaik). theyre basically grooming/raising child soldiers/spies.

before the sensitive stuff comes up, for the ppl who dont want to proceed, arlecchino fools/manipulates you into thinking shes a nice person/good parent. its amazing and so in character for her. its also scary how some ppl cant see the abuse/manipulation unless you went through this too or well. just actually read and realize it.

arlecchino is an emotionally manipulative parental figure. now, this is coming from someone who went through heavy abuse/was groomed by their adoptive father who was extremely manipulative and i spot so many things very well known to me. others who went through the same get this feeling. these signs you immediately recognize.

you get punished for the tiniest mistakes and when you get loved, it makes you forget all that was done to you, just for that tiny bit of affection you crave. you try to do your best, to do everything asked and expected of you, not to disappoint the only parent you have and youre dependent on, to be a good kid deserving of love and when you slip up youre in shambles. there was a time i did a tiny mistake by accident and my father said to me in the coldest voice "you broke my trust" and i remember so vividly how it broke me, how i cried until i got sick. i was physically abused before and none of it hurt me more than this. it still gets to me after all those years. emotional manipulation is cruel

what im trying to say is, she came in a time of need. taken as a savior while it just is one abuser swapped out with another. like my adoptive father having me dependent, giving me love i never received and being everything i wanted, making me believe hes everything i need, a common thing abusers do. wanting to do everything youre asked of and do it good, the fear of disappointing and being punished, believing you deserved it bc its your fault and treating your abuser like a savior, being conditioned. this is whats happening.

now, arle genuinely loves and protects her children; its very clear that the life of the children matter to her the most (look at childes line and freminet/lynette etc) - she was one of them too after all. so, its possible to love and still do these. moral greyness etcetc

anyway idk if its understandable or if i can explain it in proper words while maintaining a good distance so ill add the voicelines of the siblings heavily implying this, and also a tweet adressing this that brings it to proper words, better than i can say

tweet here bc tmblr doesnt insert the link properly

[foreststarflaime]

Prompts 49, 3, 18, and 10 for dragons

Ooo interesting! I’m assuming you mean dragons in general so I will go with that o7 ty for the ask! Love this more abstract one

49. What’s your favorite personality trait in this character?

Well I love so many of the general traits that this is hard! Hmm it’s between love for riddling-talk and hoarding for me I think. Hoarding because I love toying with the extent of what that can mean when I’m writing dragon characters—it can be anything, not just gold. Hehehe >:)

3. What first drew you to this character?

Smaug? Smaug. Honestly it’s been so so long that I don’t really remember—like early early school—but I believe Smaug was the first major dragon I encountered, and I absolutely fell in love with him! Also my best friends (2 of which are still my best friends) at the time were also super into dragons, so that fed the fire. It was mainly me and @fridgefanatic going back and forth obsessing in games and drawing, and then we discovered Wings of Fire and that just made the obsession 10x worse

18. Do you prefer to see this character suffer or know peace? Angst or comfort? Both?

Hmm hard one. I do love my hurt/comfort no matter who it is. But for dragons, I love them just being awesome in general. So depends on the specific character ig

10. Do you see yourself in this character even without projecting?

Yeah, always have (with something this general it’s so hard to do this avoiding the projecting part so oops in advance). I mean in the game Fridge and @stargazing-zani and I always played at recess I was a dragon, so. It goes deep and very far back. Probably part of my nonbinary-ness, but I’ve preferred understanding myself through the lens of dragons for a very long time. The hoarding thing is like how I love things—obsessively and all-or-nothing, whether it be hyperfixations on media/characters, or attaching myself to friends (sorry mutuals you’re being hoarded now I don’t make the rules). My senses have always been very…sensitive, especially with my eyes and light, so before I knew what being neurodivergent was I went hehe dragon. I adore riddles, used to make riddle games for my friends every year for my birthday. I’ve always tended to be somewhat solitary, so that too. And I’ve always wanted to be fierce—partially why I took up sword-fighting. Yeah that was a lot of projecting but it’s so deeply ingrained by now that it’s hard to separate out what is and isn’t lol

[latenightsleeper]

On the other side

Summary/idea: Tank in a relationship, more specifically MY Tank in a relationship..with you??? A bit of a character study on them ig

Warning(s): references to childhood trauma, past abuse, self-harm, depression, death, unhealthy behaviors and coping mechanisms—this is Tank guys it’s sadly a warning in itself

Characters: Tank/Darlin

-Let’s get something straight(the only thing straight about this tbh) you knew Tank before y’all dated, just how it goes

-another thing, Christian will be apart of your life too, no matter how you feel about the guy. He’s tanks rock and their his, can’t have one without the other

-Tank would always take a relationship slow, baby steps and very small moments of vulnerability in a way they’d find comfortable

-considering that you’re seeing Tank means that you have some measure of patience, or a masochist, either works fine. You’ll need either for Tank

-getting to know Tank is like pulling teeth, actually more like trying to get your patient down to get at their teeth but you have to fight them to do that. It is a long, drawn out, painful process full of fuck ups and wrong turns.

- if you manage to chip away at Tanks walls? Pass their internal tests on you and well..it’s something, there’s no overnight change, no sudden clarity of why Tank acts the way he does

-Tank is a extremely reserved person, very secretive and holds back from engaging in conversations for multiple reasons and purposes

-most of it stemming from not being talked to enough as a child and then young teen when they moved, not a lot of people cared to talk to them and bc of that, they don’t share anything about themselves

-Still, hang around Tank and you’ll learn lots about them from simply existing near them, watching him

-Tank speaks with actions better than words, the words get all jumbled and wrong when they wanna talk so he just shows you with their actions

-Tank doesn’t actually hold things in his hands if they can help it, makes him nervous especially if what their holding is delicate in nature

-when they do however, it’s always obvious to whoever looks close enough that Tank is holding whatever he’s holding with great care. Always soft hands with this one

-speaking of hands, when you hold hands with Tank for the first time it’s very..gentle, very soft and careful. Tanks hands aren’t the smallest but their very fine ig, surprisingly slender and elegant fingers.

-depending on if their wearing gloves you can feel the calluses and scars, maybe feel how one finger still stutters due to a bad healing job from a while ago

-Warm, soft hands Tank has, very gentle when holding someone else’s since they don’t engage in physical contact like this normally.

-rubs your knuckles with their thumb or soft squeezes

-this probably goes without saying but Tank struggles with their mental health, this of course affects their relationships both romantic and platonic

-Tank will ghost you, on purpose and on accident. No if or buts, he WILL do it, sorry man :/

-Tank also has anger issues but not in the stereotypical breaking glass and yelling—no no no

-They hold their anger inside of them, a tight and careful grip on that ball of rage in them. Tank very rarely would lash out and very rarely would that be physical, he may not talk much but when they do and when Tank is angry? Makes you wish he’d just punch you honestly

-Tank normally leaves when they feel like they could hurt someone or they feel that careful control they have on themselves slip a little.

-hence the ghosting

-he will leave for hours, never saying anything about what they did during those hours (sometimes even days) but they do return

-they normally apologize

-if you ask about their childhood they won’t say much, very clinical about it, no feelings attached to it

-Tank would say “ it was a life I lived..it could have been a lot worse so I’m…grateful..for what I got.. “

-they also have RSD or Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, any form of rejection—made up in their head or not is damaging

-one of the reasons he’s so distant honesty, their life has been one rejection after another

-he has many many scars, tank doesn’t care about them but knows they can make others..dicey

-many of them were infected on them but some were..done by their own hands

-anyway, have I ever mentioned how Tank loves to cook? Bc they do, greatly but they don’t get to cook a lot

-so if you get close enough, expect lots of homemade food containers for you

-is actually a good grill master, they learned a lot from their father and uncles when they had em

-is actually very proud to be apart of the Shaw pack

-despite receiving very little physical affection, when you get close enough Tank is very touchy

-pinky linked, a hand on your back or shoulder or even waist if you’re comfortable with that. It’s not the most showy but they find it comfortable

-also expect Tank to try and hide behind you at least twice

-they will and could do your hair if you ask nicely, would honestly spend hours just brushing your hair or styling

-Tank is quiet quick witted and snarky, they just so happen to mumble and talk quietly where no one hears anything

-speaking of voice; it’s a low and raspy voice, not unpleasantly so, monotone normally unless you really get Tank going then there’s a lot of character

-Tank wouldn’t actually introduce themselves by their name, using their nickname ‘ Tank ‘ normally

-they’d let you borrow clothes-just not the leather jacket

-they live in oversized clothes, the only thing that fits them well would be their boots and gloves so there’s something for you even if you’re taller than them

-if you managed to crash at their place and you can’t sleep, if you ask really nicely and say you’ll buy them a chocolate muffin, they will play the violin for you

-sadly they don’t like playing as much as they used to due to the injuries on their hands making them shake sometimes and messing up their playing

-for some reason, most animals love Tank. Call em a Disney princess or something

[sk7nny-thing]

friend asking me if i’m eating…

i live with my friend for this course i’m taking during summer, and tell me why we’re two days in and she’s asking me if i’m eating right….like she knows i’m the past i’ve had ed issues but idk i don’t like ppl asking me these kinda questions (but at the same time i kinda like it, ig it depends)

either way like 2 minutes after she asked she was like “omg i’m so sorry i don’t mean to pry ill never ask you that” cus ig my reaction was giving off “im annoyed you care” vibes and like me personally idk how to respond when it comes to sensitive topics i just close off, anyway she left the room a bit ago so i’m just here writing this and hoping it doesn’t get awkward when she walks back in

thanks for coming to my ted talk

[lesbianyosano]

what do you think bsd is trying to say about war? do you have any other thoughts about political themes present in the story?

oh i have,,, thoughts,, for sure. also these are more loose threads that have been floating around in my head more than a concrete thesis so sorry if they dont make much sense as a whole

one thing i think is crucial to discussing bsd as a political story is to look at which countries' authors asagiri choses to include in the story.

obviously the main cast is japanese, but the other prominent characters come from usa and russia, and if you also take in characters from the light novels or ones, who have been foreshadowed to be important (like agatha), france and the uk come to mind. those are all states with imperialist past/present, and while there are none morally pure countries this specific selection is still pretty intense all things considered. many of the authors included in bsd were also involved politically one way or another (most had been active during the first half of the 20th century, and wrote about war one way or another)

the imperialism isnt really touched upon, unfortunately so, but ( and maybe this is just me being hopeful) i like to think its less about asagiri not seeing it and more about him not wanting to open another sensitive topic in an already complicated work of fiction.

ultimately i'd say bsd is anti-war. that's the most prevailing political theme, and one that has been slowly revealing itself and becoming more prominent the further we go into the story. worth noting is how elements that could've (and maybe should have) been shown as explicitly political avoided this framing in earlier parts of the story (fukuzawa's old profession, kunikida's ideals), but ig there's still time for that. the anti-war sentiment ties back to a lot of the works that the abilities are named after, esp in the agency. no longer human, thou shalt not die, the makioka sisters (tanizaki's light snow) are all prime examples (and kunikida's ability could technically be put under this too depending on how you look at it, since his war journalism is what made him a prominent literary figure). even if some of the authors had some questionable opinion's irl, the parts that asagiri choses to include always come back to the horrors of war.

decay of angels is another thing, given it's named after mishima's last novel, one that he left to his publisher on the same day he started a coup trying to restore the emperor of japan and commited seppuku. there was a theory i saw a while back that said bram wasnt actually a doa member, and the 5th person is yet to be revealed, and it'd be really interesting if we got mishima in bsd but he's still to this day a pretty polarizing figure (understandably so) and im not sure if asagiri would want to take that step, since it'd be a point of no return in terms of explicit politics in the story. and he's been pretty timid with that i mean look at the way he handles police brutality (cops in yokohama being portrayed as incompetent yet ultimately good people, jouno going from prime example of someone knowingly abusing their power to apparently caring abt the innocents, and this is obv a different, more complicated topic so uhh idk maybe ill talk abt it some other time adgsfgagd). idk it just seems like he's afraid to really push the ideas forwards, keeps them palatable to the general public although idk if this is a concious choice or not. im willing to give asagiri the benefit of the doubt bc of how he handles fukuchi though. people hate him bc??? idk he's not a twink and he killed someone ig but personally i adore him, goofy aah guy imo. it'd be easy to write him off as just an autoritarian crazy guy who wants to take control of the world for unspecified "greater good" but the arguments he makes are generally pretty compelling! and not just to readers, we see atsushi questioning the way world works and government's role after listening to fukuchi explain himself. its fukuchi's methods that are questionable not the ultimate goal of state abolition. and we still dont really know what his ultimate reason for doing all this is, just that he claims it's not revenge on fukuzawa, so im curious how this is going to get handled.

and the last thing is the brief anticapitalism theme in the guild arc but again, its like asagiri gave up on it before it became too prominent. fitzgerald is the ultimate capitalist and we see this esp in relation to steinbeck, whose dislikes list finansists in the enligh translation and capitalists in the polish one (no idea what is listed in japanese exactly). but fitzgerald is ultimately sort of redemed, with his (and poe's) wealth treated as a gag rather than a human rights violation

those are all the things that have been ping ponging around in my head and i hope this is in any way at least a little bit understandable. there are some things here that deserve a post of their own but id have to reread at least the last few arcs to talk about them in depth.

[bearzisvibin]

Summary: Grian, an 17 year old boy, had a secret: he preferred men over women. Except.. it wasn't really a secret anymore and he was now homeless.

Luckily, his best friend and slightly sketchy person Mumbo Jumbo was there to give him a job with one of his many connections.

-

Born from a rich family, soon to be 18 Etho Labs was being prepared to take over his family's business and fortune from his long dead parents when he got struck with a disease.

He had gotten too tired to even get out of bed, but when his friend and business ally Mumbo asked to help a friend in need he really started to look out for the company.

(probably will post this on AO3 later, this is a Gritho/Grian x Etho fic too btw sooo....)

TW: Slurs, internalized homophobia, sick person ig, sexual discrimination.

old timey setting i think? But not historically accurate.

Chapter 1

•Grian had nowhere to go, his parents threw him out of their house and honestly? He deserved it. He deserved it because he was a faggy bitch, because sometimes he liked to wear skirts and look pretty in makeup when that was a girl's thing, because he chose to love men and because he was weak.

But now it wasn't time to cry, if he wanted to survive out here he had to make a decision, and he had to make it quickly.

He walked through the streets in shame, pretty sure he would get a cold best case scenario, and frostbite in the worst case because of the winter slowly but surely approaching.

He wished he was wearing more than the thin jumper and simple black pants at the moment.

---

It was already night when he got to his friend's porch. Mumbo might judge him, maybe even hate him, but he also knew every type of people and places and certainly would find a place for him.

He knocked once, after a few seconds twice and then once again. Mumbo taught him this since day one, so he would know it wasn't some authority begging for information on his more sketchy friends.

The man slowly opened the door. I took a few seconds for him to realize 'oh, it's just Grian', but he hurried to open the door fully as soon as he noticed, akwardly inviting him to enter his house.

"... I'll always wonder how someone like you could be a sketchy person, you're just so awkward and gentle."

Mumbo giggled slightly at that, then they talked and talked about everything and nothing. It was nice.

It was after more than an hour when the situation he was in got brought up by the other.

"....And it was amazing!! She danced soo well you should've seen it!! I recommended her to a party for a friend's child, such a adorable kid too!! So respectful! Well, but enough of me."

His face fell at those words, putting what Grian called his 'business face' on. The thing is: he never used it at him.

"What are you doing here Grian? I could help you, but it depends on the job."

It took all in Grian's body to not flinch, instead he put on his best smile of amusement.

"What do you mean Mumbo?"

Mumbo leaned back on his chair, crossing his arms.

"You've been... Jumpy since you got here, the first thing you said was about me being sketchy, you're not wearing weather appropriate clothing and i know how sensitive you are to the cold."

He eyed the younger man up and down, and Grian realized he was reading his body language.

"You look stiff too, your face is ever so slightly faltering and you've been undeniably quieter."

Grian couldn't hold it anymore, he gave up on maintaining his stoic face and almost immediately tears fell down his face.

"I- I'm not sure if you'll be okay with what i've been doing but... I got thrown out of my house because i'm... Because i sinned and loved the wrong way. I wanted men the same way i should want women and i sinned by doing so!"

Instead of anger, disgust or even just apathy, he saw worry in the other's eyes. Mumbo was three years older than Grian and lived on his own, but Grian was younger and inexperienced in anything life related.

"Oh Grian, i- why would i resent you for that? You can stay here for now if you want? I can buy you a house and pay for it until you get a proper jo-"

Grian turned his offer down immediately.

"No!! Gosh no, i can't take advantage of you like that! I just want a job, one who pays enough for me to live, i don't care what... Type."

Mumbo frowned.

"I'm not gonna get you a job as a prostitute, you're too young. And i'm also not going to put you in any dangerous or extra sketchy situation. And I definitely won't make you work for someone who doesn't accept who you are."

He seemed deep in thought.

"This seems to shorten the list quite a bit... But i probably can get a job for you."

Grian waited and waited, he seemed to be thinking for quite a bit, before getting to a conclusion.

"There's this boy who's really sick, he's from a rich family who pays people very well and he's also quite not convencional, you know, like you Grian."

Grian froze, before panicking.

"Wha? What?? So he's like, a fag or something? I'm trying to get away from these bad thoughts please don't push me to do the wrong thing i-"

Mumbo shushed him, looking sorry, with pity even.

"Oh Grian, don't be like that. Etho is trans, was born a girl and now is a boy. He isn't wrong for that, because those are his feelings and his truth and he can't change that, nnd neither can you. You haven't sinned, you've discovered yourself, go along with it."

Grian heard Mumbo's advice, his friend aways knew what to say and Grian felt a bit better.

---

Grian was getting tired, Mumbo talked a lot at once and as much as he loved to listen he did have a very rough day.

He tried to fight back a yawn, ultimately losing.

"Oh you must be tired! I'll get a room ready for you, you'll stay here at my house while i try to get you that job."

---

Grian was fine, he could pretend it was just a sleepover at his old friend's house! He could pretend he just chose to get a job and live a new life! He could!!

But he didn't really want to.

His first day at Mumbo's house was filled with soft, silent crying.

----

Grian had beem to his house for almost a week when Mumbo announced that he got the job.

"Etho's very quiet and a lot of people left the job because he wasn't a friendly person, but he does like the company even if he doesn't show it."

The taller took a sip from his tea, telling him the basics of the job. It was clear that he and 'Etho' were friends for a long time.

"He's really sick, but he'll survive, probably. He doesn't have the energy to do certain activities and you should do them for him if he asks you to."

Mumbo got up, getting ready to leave for "work", what work? Grian chose not to know.

"I'll be out for a while bud, ask the maid if you need anything! She's very good at whatever job she does, you'll go like with the labs family tomorrow."

Grian simply nodded as Stress walked in the kitchen, she was nice company and he helped her with house chores sometimes, when being alone felt too bad to hold in.

---

Stress was guiding him to a train station, her and Mumbo having small talk together.

He spent enough time with the girl to know a lot of things: she was married to a inventor named Iskall, she loved flowers and pink, and she was absolutely the strongest person he knew.

She was nice and preferred to be heard than to be seen, she talked a lot just like Mumbo and they got along really well.

And now he wouldn't see her as much, which was a pity, but he would stop bothering Mumbo and get a job.

He knew less about 'Etho' than he knew about stress.

He was 17 just like Grian, he was rich and he was quiet, he was extremely sick and he was a tranny. Grian couldn't work with that much information! What if he fucked up? If he did something the other might not like? He would be damned for sure!

Well now it didn't matter because he was at the train station, the train arriving in less than twenty minutes and a Mumbo getting emotional.

"Aagh, you! I can't believe you're leaving! You're like my little brother and look at you now! All grown up and on your own! Will you be alright? I can aways go get you and you can come back to living in my house, we could spend our time playing board games together if you-"

Stress giggled a bit while agressively elbowing the taller.

"Oh don't worry your little head Mumbo! The sunflower will be fine. Sunflowers are known to aways find the sun anyways."

Grian felt his cheeks warm up, everything about this was so nice, bittersweet, but oh so nice.

Then, his train arrived.

"Oh!! This is the one. I'll- I'll miss you guys, ok? I'll try to keep in touch!!"

He then ran off, the train was relatively empty and quiet.

It was fine, he was going to be fine, this was his life and he was going to play by his own rules.

---

It took almost three hours for him to get to his destination, a small city with simple people, the only house that wasn't 'humble' was a mansion at the top of a hill, isolated from the rest.

Probably his workplace.

He stepped out of the train, shielding his eyes from the soft sun and enjoying the cool air of the end of fall.

Soon this will all be covered in snow.

He hummed happily at the thought, he liked winter when he wasn't freezing to death on his way to his friend's house.

In his joyful appreciation, he barely heard steps coming at him, and only opened his eyes when they stopped right by his side.

A well built ginger with a resting bitch face and pale skin, a long haired man wearing bright greens and blues and other colors around in his jewelry, a soft smile and a beard, a tall man with a apron and an even bigger beard right behind the two.

In front of the group was a small(but still taller than Grian, he noticed bitterly) boy, his skin was pale and his hair was white, he looked like he hadn't rested in a long time and he was wearing a mask.

He was cute.

"Oh! You must be Etho labs right? It's a pleasure to meet you. The name's Grian."

Etho seemed to be taken by surprise by this and Grian couldn't stop thinking he messed up.

"Oh, you seem quite surprised. I didn't say something wrong did I? I'm sorry if i did."

He bowed slightly at the other in apology.

"Oh no! Etho just isn't used to people talking directly to him. People tend to assume, because he's sick and young, he can't talk for himself."

Grian frowned slightly at the long haired man.

"Well, that sounds like bullshit."

The white haired boy laughed, but quickly got back to his blank face, this time with what he could see of his face red of embarrassment.

Grian smiled amused.

"Well, i suppose we should go. Lead the way please"

---

The walk was nice, they walked until they got into a park.

There was a carriage right next to a white rose bush, without thinking he plucked one of the flowers out and carefully took it's thorns out before getting in the carriage.

Then, with almost no thought, he put the rose behind the other's ear.

"This one matches you, take care of it."

The rest of the ride was uneventful, except for the small answers to the small questions he asked and one conversation they had together.

"Oh, i've never seen a lake this big."

"It's the ocean."

"It is?"

"Yes."

"Well, i've never seen the ocean too! I think it is pretty."

"Really? It's just so normal.... Just water, you know."

"It isn't 'just so normal", it's poetic!"

The talk ended with a little hum from the other.

Sometimes, the older ones would talk between themselves. The ginger was called 'Cleo', the long haired was called 'Joe' and the one with the apron seemed to be nicknamed 'Beef'.

Cleo seemed to be happy to get Etho a friend, the tall man Beef didn't want Grian to be here and Joe seemed to be the peace between the two, telling them that Grian will stay if Etho wants him to stay.

"He's Mumbo's ally! You know how dangerous that man can be."

Beef argued, Cleo shook her head.

"Etho is Mumbo's ally, and he's not dangerous is he? Plus that's a kid and we should offer help to a kid!"

"Oh great so now i'm a charity case. Just great!"

He said, making sure to look at the group. The three of them looked at the dirty blonde at the same time, Etho snickered and looked at him.

He smiled at the other,

---

It was clear he wasn't winning this Beef guy's trust, but he didn't need to.

Because Etho liked to spend time with him and he was honestly quite cool! He had books upon books on martial arts ("when i get better i will be the best fighter! Everyone will fear me and adore me, you'll see."), he loved gardening("nothing exists without those plants, caring for them is respecting my own existence.") And had knowledge in almost every field("i grew up an only child in a rich family, i didn't have a substitute, of course i know a lot.")

He wouldn't consider himself talkative, but around Etho even normal conversation seemed like too much talking.

The other didn't mind, answering questions when he was asked and even leaning on touch when Grian accidentally touched his shoulder or dragged him by his hand to explore the absolutely gigantic house.

How could anyone not want to spend time with him? Sure, he was almost aways silent and had a sassy personality but he was such a cool dude!

---

They were in the room reading when Cleo came in with two people he did not recognise.

Both seemed barely older then them, 4 years max, and they were dressed in fancy clothing.

One of them had brown hair and Scars all over his body and the other had black hair and glasses.

Grian didn't know what to think of this.

"Etho, mr Scar and Mr fan decided they needed to speak with you immediately."

The other took his eyes away from his book, he didn't know what Etho thought about those two either.

"Scar and Cub, founders of Concorp. Fancy seeing you, i'm glad for your visit. What may you need?"

He got up from his bed and bowed respectfully, Grian noticed admiration on his words.

The dirty blonde decided that he liked those two.

"Oh! That's a great question! Me and Cub are getting married, and i wanted to invite you to our wedding! Your family has been a sponsor since the start too so maybe you could do a speech about it."

Grian paused at this. Those two men are getting married.

He didn't think this was even possible! But then again, those people were probably loaded and could pay for everyone to shut up.

He imagined himself marrying another man. He was sure to wear a pretty dress to it, sue him if that makes him less of a man. He was already thinking about marrying a man, he wasn't going to stop himself by thinking about dresses.

He tried to imagine someone perfect for him, someone rich because he probably wouldn't be allowed to marry anyone otherwise, a person with strong ideals and personality, who is open to touch and is willing to hear and understand him, he also wanted the person to not be afraid to tell him what he thinks.

It certainly felt quite perfect for Grian.

He was taken away from his thoughts by a touch on his shoulder.

"Oh- uh... You weren't paying attention."

Etho was right in front of him, hunched over his armchair. Grian nodded once, Etho hurried to give him space and Grian bowed apologetic.

"I'm sorry, i got lost in thought. What were you saying again?"

Etho smiled (still with that damn mask, tho he could see he was smiling by his eyes) and explained the conversation.

Apparently, Etho was going to a very important wedding from those two loaded men who he was a childhood friend of. They created their own business and now had even more status than before so it was a very important meeting to make his family more popular or something like that.

But Etho was sick and it was kind of obvious that he couldn't go on his own, and since Grian "was getting paid to help him through his sickness", he "was assigned to take care of Etho during the wedding."

Cleo's words.

He nodded, and the brown haired man, Scar, clapped his hands together.

"Great! See you at the Wedding then!!"

...

Did he forget to say that he absolutely despised social gatherings?

[jentlemahae]

i personally liked saltburn but objectively i wouldn’t say it’s good or bad. i’ve seen it twice and had a good time but i am unfortunately british (everyone, please keep me in your thoughts and prayers in this distressing time 😔) and there’s some attempt at a commentary on our class system that i don’t really vibe with (which is a problem bcs the writer/director is Very Posh). if you watch it you should prepare yourself to maybe be a bit grossed out by some scenes, but idk it depends what you’re used to. if you watch this movie at a surface level you get to see jacob elordi being hot, barry keoghan playing a horny freak and a 10/10 soundtrack, so you’ll have a good time i think

mark, on the other hand, would probably be extremely grossed out by this movie lmao. like you said, he has very mainstream taste, idk how many arty/conceptual movies he’s seen so i don’t think he’d like it imo

wait wait wait — “gross” ?? 😭😟 uhhh i’m pretty sensitive so now idk if i should watch it

but anw! uhm yeah i get that! u also most likely have another perspective if (like u said) it means to comment on british society, so we might perceive it in different ways! though i honestly don’t really like movies in general so who knows

also yeah — i don’t see mark liking a movie if he thinks it’s gross lol however i do see him wanting to check out the movie just bcs it’s so popular and talked about, but he may not like it ig

[inun4ki]

since it's sunday and all-- ( ͡❛ ᴗ ͡❛)

kaede has a little bit of an oral+cum combo fixation. the type that leaves him on his knees, between someone's legs, for hours at a time, cleaning up the mess. there are too few things he enjoys, and this is one of them. he loves it. can't get enough. wants to greet his partners with head when they walk in the door after a horrible day at work, wants to push them down to sit on the sofa so he can look up at them with pretty, hazy eyes while he pleases them. pupils dilated, breaths all heavy, just positively enamoured with eating, sucking, swallowing, hollowing his cheeks, gently clawing into thighs, hearing them gasp and moan and even huff his name. and when they finally burst, he's there to lap up the mess - happily so. and then make them cum again, till they've got nothing left to give.

while he doesn't necessarily enjoy the consistency, the scent drives him wild. musky, sometimes salty, sometimes sweet, but wholly arousing in a way he doesn't fully understand. in his mind, it's just one of those things, and he's resigned himself to it, accepted it, so he can't really be with anyone who isn't willing to sit down and let him give them head like his life depends on it, as the gods intended. Especially if they're not willing to cum in his mouth or on his face. Boring, blocked and deleted...the whole nine. Literally refuses to be with anyone who can't take it.

which brings me to my next point: why he needs someone who's good with their hands. fingers in his mouth, as a concept, makes him drool, makes him hard on a dime. hands are what people use to touch, feel, harm, please, experience the world in ways different than the other senses, and serves as a bridge between one person and the next. he sexualizes the hell out of that connection, honestly, probably because he's touch-starved and lonely but i digress. so when hands are on him, fingers poking and prodding at his most sensitive spots or hooking into his mouth, he's putty in his partners' hands. weak in the knee and willing to take whatever's given, to let them take whatever he has.

with all that said, however, he's still something of a complete damsel. a pillow prince, if you will, on account of how easy it is to overwhelm him ( when you don't fuck often, things get a bit sensitive ). it used to be that he'd seek out the roughest sex imaginable because it stimulates so much of him, shuts him down, factory reset type shit. but over time, he's become more inclined to take his time, spoil his partners rather than have them almost...fight him for his affection - it's more rewarding to feel around, experiment, and get to know his partners this way, and for them to get to know him, just by going with the flow and letting things ride. foreplay gets heavy emphasis, in this respect. lots of focus there.

oh ! here's a fun fact to finish this off: he's a monsterfucker. cursefucker, if you wanna be specific ig. if it fits, he sits, s'all i'm sayinnnn'.

[albino-whumpee]

15 questions, 15 mutuals

thank you for the tag! @soheavyaburden

1. Are you named for anyone?: Yes and no. My aunt couldn´t have children so my mother named me after her expecting people would call me her name. But I was given my first name (because we do double names in my familiy) and nobody calls me my second, which is hers. Welp. 

2. When was the last time you cried?: Yesterday. TLoU chapter really hit into my sensitive ass. I hate one episode love stories, but I will allow it because it was cute. 

3. Do you have kids?: No. I don´t plan to and I will lie to get a doc to tie my tubes up if I need to. I once thought I wanted to adopt, but knowing my life plans, having a child is plain stupid.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?: Haha, have I ever not used sarcasm?

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?: Size, face, smell, accent and feet position. Silly little trick, but if they´re not pointing their feet at you, they´re not interested in the conversation.   

6. What’s your eye color?: Brown. 

7. Scary movies or happy endings?: hmm, depends. It´s been a while since I watched a scary movie that actually scared me and didn´t make me laugh, but when I do find one that´s scary, I like it to end in what seems a better situation than the absolute worst. Gives me some adrenaline, yk? Happy endings are ok if done well. But alas, a happy ending to me heavily depends on the movie.  

8. Any special talents?: Blind writing. That was the only good class I had in middle school. Honestly that´s it, xD I don´t consider myself particularly talented in academic areas or physical ones. Sure I won some tournments, but man it was so long ago. 

9. Where were you born?: Mexico.

10. What are your hobbies?: Videogames and drawing. Also reading even if it´s hard this days. 

11. Have you any pets?: Valkyria and Sansa. They´re my babies. Black cats with weird personalities. They´re both adopted from the same adoption saturday ...market? ig? Anyways, I picked Valkyria when she was so thin she was barely more than bones. I thought she would die if I´m honest with you. She refused to eat if I didn´t shake her plate a bit, but she was playful, so we knew she was just starving. I was told she was wrapped in tape and dumped at the shelter and I took her because how dare call yourself a shelter and leave a cat in that state? 

Sansa came from another shelter, she was a baby from a foster mama that didn´t make it. She has her tail curled like a chamaleon at the tip, probably from some stupid asshole closing the kennel´s door on it and breaking it. No, she doesn´t need to have it amputated, she doesn´t feel pain and doesn´t interfere with her daily life.  

12. What sports do you play/have played?: A lot. I won a few athletism tournments that took me to the nationals (we lost), also won a few international trophies doing karate. I practiced figure skating and ballet for a bit and due my super elasticity, I could have been a good gymnast, but heh, no money.

I was at a handball tournment, but I never knew what I was doing lol. I wanted to play volleyball in middle school/high school but I got my knee injury and it made it too hard. I switched to swimming for a long time until I couldn´t afford it jsjsjs. If I had the chance, I would try archery. 

13. How tall are you?: 1.73 m. more less 5 ft 7. Wish I was taller ;v;

14. Favorite subject in school?: English. It was so easy sjsjjs. Or psychology. My school´s system allowed people being exempted from doing finals if your notes were high enough, so I strived to just do 1 or less exams and I almost made it. I never had to do math finals in high school, but I actually exempted psychology earlier than everyone because I did double the lab exercises. 

15. Dream job?: Concept artist. By now I know Im not made for it nor I can actually be one, but well. I can dream. 

tagging: @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @sideblogformindtrash @milk-carton-whump @nightfrostshadow @louptheloop @endless-whump  @turn-the-tables-on-them @eatyourdamnpears @deluxewhump

idk if i have 15 mutuals lmao also no pressure!

[mystikalrootz]

July is a month of POWER/ACTION on a collective and individual level. How we use our power and how others in power affect others. Lunar nodes are also changing signs, shifting in new Cardinal energy for the next 18 months! Let’s dive in!

The month begins with with the Sun conjoining Mercury and Venus Squaring Uranus leading up to the Capricorn Full Moon on the 3rd. This is a sensitive and emotional energy that has the possibility to break down walls of fear and try new things creatively. A Mars influence will assist in following through with actions you have put off.

On the 3rd we have the Full Moon in Capricorn asking us to evaluate our work/home balance. As Pluto, the planet of transformation is currently in this sign it is more important than ever to make conscious decisions that stick in this area. This will also affect individuals in different ways depending on your personal Natal Chart. A detox has been needing to happen and this is your chance!

On July 12th brings a Sun/Chiron square that may have some feeling like things are spinning out of control. Energies of others not having matching stories or misinformation are strong that could bring anxiousness and make it harder to access critical thinking. Chiron is about our wounds so wherever Chiron sits in your chart, it is highly likely that is the area this will be felt.

On the 17th the Lunar Nodes change into Aries and Libra for the next 18 months. Aries will have us desiring to jump into things that feed OURSELVES as opposed to others as Taurus has had us in. Libra will assist us in releasing karmic ties that have held us back in order to have harmony and balance. This will be a beautiful Cardinal energy that is welcomed! The New Moon in Cancer also hits herewith a Trine to Neptune. It’s time to stop talking about what you want for your life and start DOING. Daydreaming is great but what is the point if you never act!

The end of the month we will see a Sun/Pluto opposition that shows huge movements that will either build brand new ventures, or strip away ones we had begun but are not showing progress. Underlying tensions could come to boiling points here and things may transpire faster than we can comprehend. On the 28th Mercury will move into Virgo and allows us to look more rationally at what is happening and assist in decisions to move forward.

These energies are huge for the collective, and as mentioned, will affect the individual based on their Natal Chart. I highly recommend everyone interested in Astrological energies to know what is in their personal chart. Their are multiple free sites to have this figured for you to interpret on your own or have a limited overview. If you want more, contact me on FB or IG (Mystikal Rootz). I have multiple packages and price points to suit most needs💫.

[dearweirdme]

https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/720028222623973376/theres-this-ig-account-very-popular-rn-i-think-u

I agree. I usually have the same feeling about the so-called “insider” account. But I do see a post sharing her experience working with hybe. She said she once worked as a staff of BTS concert. But she applied for internal transfer to other team cuz the workload was too heavy lol And lately, she had been in the US for TXT ‘s tour. Anyways, her post was meant to share her personal but cute interactions with BTS and some internal info (eg something about Jimin’s solo progress, Tae’s reality show invitation long before it was announced, and also commenting on company’s policy about JK’s live, etc), and she never mentioned any ships. So, not a shipper account.

Not surprisingly, many people asked her about the Tannie rumor since last year and also the Paris rumor. She personally didn’t know anything about it, so she asked a more senior staff. In short, she said they were not dating based on what she heard, but she was not allowed to reveal the details about this rumor. However, she did say something interesting. Will the companies have an official announcement about the rumor? It depends on the result of the negotiation. She didn’t say the negotiation was between Tae and hybe or YG and Hybe, but I guess it’s between Tae and Hybe. Because she did say that Tae was targeted cuz he didn’t listen to the company very well and was a type that didn’t compromise easily.

This post might be a fake one too, but it gave me a vibe that this account is not bias to BTS, TXT or any members. And she doesn’t get followers cuz this is an anon post.

I guess we will never know if what she said was true or not. But if it is true, I can’t imaging how bad hybe treats Tae.

Hi anon!

It’s hard for me to actually say much without knowing the account. But from what you tell me it still seems unlikely she actually has all information. It is possible they worked with BTS on some level and that is why she would have some stuff to prove her knowing the members. But companies usually work with levels of knowledge. If she was for instance a caterer on tour, she would be able to film one on one interactions with members, but she would not know anything of their future plans.

If she did actually work with them in a higher level of knowledge, it would also be clear to the company who she is by now. She would be in severe breach of contract (even if she no longer works with them). Hybe would sue the hell out of her and her account would be immediately suspended. What she’s sharing (if true) would be classified and sensitive information, Hybe would not let that pass, because they come out looking like the bad guy. Them not doing a thing about it makes me believe they treat it like any other imposter account.

Hybe not knowing about this account seems unlikely as well. In a company as huge as Hybe, with a band as big as BTS, there’s a whole team dedicated to asses fandom talk. They know what goes around in fandom. They are able to intervene when things don’t go their way.

So yeah, I’m still by no means convinced.

[aspd-culture]

(tw animal cruelty + use of word psychopath). Also long ask ahead I’m sorry I type a lot.

Hi, anon asking after other possibilities other than aspd. We met criteria for: impulsivity, deceitfulness, irritability and aggressiveness (we used to intimidate our little brother on purpose a lot, we were physically aggressive with many of our friends, we threatened people for the sake of it, but when bullied physically, it’s like we couldn’t fight back? That was annoying.), I don’t actually recall any reckless behaviors (depends ig what we consider reckless?), complete irresponsibility and almost no remorse of who it affects. (Depends on who it affects tbh. If it’s my brother or my FP, I try really hard to be responsible but it’s hard and also I typically do not care unless it benefits me to care/be responsible). Remorse is a complicated one. We experience guilt very easily (moral scrupulosity ocd + raised Christian). I’m not saying we do or we don’t experience remorse because emotional object permanence and occasional emotional amnesia means I can’t tell if we have or not.

We do feel guilty still for the way we treated our little brother and try to make up for it by being a better older sibling. He was more accidental collateral of an aggressive older sibling with no outlets and a power streak and a deep sense of near misanthropic hatred.

As for conduct disorder, almost everything on the list for aggressiveness except sexual coercion, stealing while mugging someone, or initiates physical fights. Destruction of property, though milder cases. Shoplifting but not so much anymore due to surveillance paranoia. Did not meet any truancy/run-away bits but I did threaten it a lot growing up. Helicopter parents. Didn’t get the chance to actually do it. Or if we did, don’t remember it. Didn’t break too many laws (granted, we’re not exactly informed on all law either so).

And then when it comes to people, we grew up lonely, ostracized,and bullied but we DID want friends. Like badly. We cared about people’s opinions of us. Abandonment issues. Possessiveness (to a near-violent end.). While we’ve never sexually coerced someone (we’re Big on consent, so much so that we’ll ironically avoid even consensual sex if we don’t think their consent is consent-y enough for us), we do often experience anger and irritation if we make advances and are rejected. Never evolves into coercion and if the reaction is particularly strong, we just avoid the person until we’ve calmed down.

I hate to admit that animal cruelty was one thing we did meet, because it feels like if we meet that criteria, we’re contributing to the idea of “psychopath cat-skinner” thing of aspd. We’ve tried (unsuccessfully) for years to stop that particular thing. Our dad did it when he was angry or would threaten it to get us to do things. I think remorse for how we handle animals is the only thing we can really say we experience remorse for.

Honestly writing this all out makes it look a lot more obvious 💀 I rly thought it was a “haha we’re in a silly goofy mood”. As for aspd testimonials, we find pretty much a good chunk we relate to with the exception of again, emotional bluntedness. Having said that, some of our alters do hold emotional bluntedness or coolness or whatever, but our body has an extremely sensitive response and any emotion we feel gets exacerbated. Never mind, I guess we do experience it 😂💀 it just depends on what and who is fronting. Bpd tends to control the show more often than not with all this stuff running in the background like a computer.

Gotta say, aspd-culture is a whole lot of what you've said in this ask

I think for you to not have ASPD with this many diagnostic criteria, traits, and development criteria met, it would have to be 3 or 4 other disorders all working together to really accurately replicate ASPD. The psych community generally considers it that if you meet this many criteria all at once, and it would take that many other diagnoses that are "well this kind of fits" diagnoses to otherwise explain all of the symptoms, that it is best explained by saying you have the one disorder that explains all the symptoms.

In other words, I don't know that there is any one or even two disorders I could point you to that would explain all of this better than ASPD. If I were in your shoes, I would strongly consider a self dx of ASPD.

I am not a professional, but my opinion is that that set of symptoms and circumstances cannot otherwise be better explained by disorders other than ASPD.