#if youre so worried about my eating habits come cook my dinner your damn self!!

[haganekotetsu]

ok mom

🙄

shouldnt have bought all those damn groceries what if i need concert tickets

[robin-the-enby]

I can't stop.

Pairing: Vincent Sinclair x gn!reader

Warnings: eating disorders, disordered eating habits, self hate, suicidal thoughts (hinted at), just general angst

A/N: I'm sorry, I really hope this won't trigger anyone. I'm having a hard time with food lately and I needed to get it out. I am just writing about my experiences, every prrson has different problems. This can be read as either romantic or platonic, also, reader knows sign language.

He would often see you in the kitchen cooking dinner for him and Bo and ocassionally Lester when he'd come around. But he knew damn well you weren't going to eat any of it.

You'd react to all the compliments from his brothets with a truly grateful smile, but while they'd be getting seconds, you were still poking around your plate, putting tiny pieces of this and that in your mouth from time to time. And when everyone was done, you placed the leftovers into a container, which was sure to be taken care of by Bo the next day when he'd take it for lunch or you'd talk Lester into taking it with him to his.

Vincent knew damn well how Lester hid his worry behind the bashful smile. He didn't want to make you uncomfortable, but how wwas he supposed to take your meal away from you? The masked artist suspected you didn't really buy his half fake modesty, but that didn't deter you from laughing gently while insisting Lester takes the container, because it would dissapoint you if he wouldn't.

And Bo...well, Bo had to know. Because he was Bo. And because of the same reason, he didn't say anything. But Vincent didn't miss the sadness and worry in his twins' eyes when every morning, while Bo and Vincent were enjoying their breakfast, you were quietly hesitating on how many teaspoons of sugar to put in your tea.

But, for some reason, nobody did a goddamn thing. Everyone pretendid everything was fine, yet all four of you knew that domestic sweetness was fake. A thin plastic wrap that would tear with the first sharp word. But Vincent felt suffocated and something inside him told him he wasn't alone.

It was strangely haunting, seeing you go through all those strange rituals as if it was the easiest thing to do. Every day, all your portions were exactly the same. The exact same food at exactly the same time. But there were times your routine was interrupted. In those moments you were so preoccupied in calculating and speculating and imagining that the sculptor could practically see the smoke coming from your ears and you didn't even know he was there. The way your hands hovered over the door handle of the fridge, retracting them and then reaching out again at least three times before you opened it only to open it and repeat.

Sometimes Bo would catch you like this as well and he'd playfully scold you and joke about how the food isn't going to run away. You'd all but slam the door shut with a terrified look on your face. The air would ve filled with tense silence for a bit as Bo's chuckling would die out and you'd wring your hands together nervously, a habit of yours the brothers noticed.

Or when sometimes during movie night, if he could call it that, after you'd politely decline the snacks offered to you, you'd suddenly go into the kitchen and open up different cupboards with food ranging from sweets to fruit. You never really ate any of it, you just looked at it, sometimes picked it up, before putting it back and rejoining them in front of the tv.

It was when he saw the measuring tape placed in the cup with your toothbrush and toothpaste was what made him realize how severe the situation could get if it wasn't already.

Vincent's had enough. He wasn't mad at you, no, quite the opposite. His heart was breaking for you, seeing you lose yourself to the thoughts speeding through your brain every minute of every day, getting consumed by the very thing that should be keeping you happy, letting the thing that was supposed to keep you alive slowly kill you.

He texted Bo and Lester for a bit, just to let them know what he was planning to do and to discuss the best type of approach with them, because the brothers knew how important right communication was in their line of business. And when all was said and agreep upon, it was time to act.

The house was empty, it was just after dinner, Bo was in the barhroom taking a shower and you set up to wash the dishes. While trying not to get grossed out by the soppy bits of food stuck to the plates and whatnot, Vincent, ever so quiet, stopped next to you and grabbed a towel to dry whatever you'd wash.

At first it was quiet, peaceful almost. And yet there was a tension in the air and something told the artist he wasn't the only one who felt it.

Surprisingly, it was you who broke the ice "Is something the matter?" you asked, glancing at the masked man with worry. Vincent looked down at the fork he was drying and nodded a few times.

Feeling your wet hand grab his as it abandoned its task, the action prompted him to look at you. He knew that look. In just a few seconds you would start fussing over him, bless your soul. You had no idea what was actually going on.

Setting down the towel and the dried fork, Vincent hesitated, but as soon as you opened your mouth to no doubt try and coax him into talking, he signed "You didn't eat your dinner."

He noticed your throat move as you swallowed wjile you froze. In a moment, it was gone and you shrugged, suddenly seeming uninterested "Yeah...But it's no big deal, I wasn't really hungry." you said and began to turn away from him, wanting to continue washing the dishes, but Vincent wouldn't let you do that. It wasn't fair that you were prepared to fuss over him until he'd resolve anyproblem he had but as soon as you were the topic of the conversation, you shut yourself off. For a fleeting moment he thought if Bo was rubbing off on you, before chasing those thoughts away. Now it was his turn to grab your hand, a biz wrinkly from the water already.

"You never eat dinner." the man signed, his eye staring right at you as if it was trying to dig into your skull. "Yeah, well, I don't get hungry much." you shrugged, your gaze falling to the floor as your hands began their usual nervous dance, where knuckles were popped and fingers pulled.

Vincent knew you were trying to avoid the issue he was pointing out, but due to how you acted, he could feel the imaginary wrap stretching uncomfortably.

"That's not really healthy." His hands moved smoothly as he tilted his head. You frowned "What I did before was unhealthy. I'm much better now." Just who were you trying to assure? Him or yourself? Vincent thought as his hands moved more frantically "You don't seriously think that."

"It's not easy, but following any schedule isn't. I'm handling it. I have it under control." You said sternly as you awaited his comeback. "For how long though?" Came a simple question. "When will it be enough? When will you allow yorself to stop?" Another one and another right after. You kept silent, your lips pursed.

"Never." Vincent answered himself. "Why are you doing this?" you asked quietly, but it still didn't hide how your voice quivered. "I could ask you the same thing." He signed and then waited.

You chuckled and brought your hands to your eyes to wipe away the moisture beginning to form there. "I wanted to be better. This just seemed like the easiest thing to start with." you took a deep breatg "I tried, so hard. But then...it wasn't enough. The results weren't good enough, the changes weren't fast enough." You looked up at the celining, noticing the cobwebs in the corner that you'd need to get rid off.

"So I adjustes. And again and again." you shut your eyes tightly as your voice began to strain "When you try over and over again with very little results, it makes you want to give up. But I can't, Vincent. I've worked so hard to get to where I am, if I stopped now, all the pain would be for nothing." You nodded your head, dropping your gaze to the floor as you let your tears 'plip plop' on the floor "I wanted to be better. Now I just want to disappear."

When the first sob ripped out of your throat, it was already muffled by the fabric of an old sweater which you clung onto as if your life dependee on it.

[diamaker-moon]

Moving Forward — Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Revealed... (pt. 2)

—————

"Enchanttréx, I am Hawkmoth. You've been betrayed by the person your loved one, I'm giving you the power to expose any secrets that were chosen to be hidden away from the world. In return, you will bring me ladybug and Chat Noir's Miraculous. Do we have a deal?"

"Yes, Hawkmoth."

The purple substance covered the woman in a wedding dress, and when it was gone it left a woman, who has an intricate gold flower-themed headpiece, long black hair that reaches up to her mid-back, a flowy white to black gradient dress, gold strapped heels, white laced gloves that reach up to her forearm and a veil in front of her face.

"It's time to let yourself free from your secrets!" Enchanttréx exclaimed making the nearby Parisians run away in fear and alerting the heroes.

— previous chapter... —

It took quite a while for Ladybug to get to the scene. People were shocked to see Ladybug with a new suit design. Instead of her previous red skintight jumpsuit with black spots. It was changed to a much more detailed suit.

She still wears a skintight jumpsuit but now she had two-inched heeled thigh-high black boots, solid black colour on her waist with inverted red spots instead of black, solid black gloves and her top looks armoured, her collar turns to swan-necked design still black in colour with red lining. Her hair is now tied in a ponytail that reaches up to her mid-back with two red and black ribbons sticking out of the ponytail acting as the antennas, her mask stayed the same.

Ladybug was worried about how to defeat her since she's alone and has no one to trust with the cat miraculous.

Meanwhile, inside the Agreste Mansion, Adrien was frantically searching around his room for his kwami, he kept looking back to his TV watching Ladybug fight the Akuma alone.

"Plagg! Where are you?!"

He didn't notice Ladybug capturing the villain with her yo-yo and snatching her headpiece with the veil attached and breaking it, freeing the Akuma. She captured it then cleansed it and used her miraculous cure to fix everything, reverting the villain to her civilian self in her wedding dress outfit.

She spent a good twenty minutes defeating the villain alone.

The reporters were pushing each other towards Ladybug to get an interview.

"Ladybug! What's with the new outfit? And where is Chat Noir?" Nadja Chamack asked.

Ladybug was about to swing her yo-yo to leave but was bombarded with that question. She sighed and took notice that she only had three minutes before she detransformed.

"The suit is just an outfit change, no need to worry about it. About Chat Noir... He has been relinquished of his miraculous, I have found out about his misdeeds in his civilian life and how he acted during the battles, I had no choice but to take his miraculous for he became unworthy of wielding it anymore. I need to go, I'm about to detransform." She said before waving and finally swinging away.

Adrien was staring at the TV before looking at his hand with the silver ring. He lost his miraculous. He can no longer be Chat Noir.

—————

"Hey, that's a good record!" She said after she had swung to her balcony then detransformed once she stepped inside her bedroom. The kwamis are patiently waiting for her while they eat food.

"He probably heard the news by now..." Marinette mumbled.

"Do you regret it? Taking the miraculous back?" Wayzz asked.

Marinette was in a daze for a moment thinking back to the good memories of them. The day they became heroes, how he supported her, protecting her from harm, their playful banter, everything. But even if she returns the miraculous to him, she can't trust him again. Not now, at the very least.

"No... I have a duty to Paris as Ladybug, but it is also my duty as Guardian to make sure that no miraculous will be used for evil."

Wayzz was pleased. When he first found out that his previous Master was planning to pass to a teenager the Guardianship of the Chinese Miracle Box, he was worried. It will be a huge responsibility for a teenager especially someone who has quite a future to reach, but Marinette has proved him wrong.

Marinette was busy sewing Clara Nightingale's commission not noticing that it was nearing dinner time. Allegra kept glancing at their dormmate's closed door, wondering if Marinette didn't like them, but it was easily dismissed since they have spent quite a while together, thinking that maybe the girl was just busy.

"Hey, Al. Is Marinette still in her room? Dinner's almost ready." Allan said.

He was mostly the cook since it became his habit to always cook with his mother. He had cooked them a lot of meals and sometimes experiments with recipes, but it always turns out good. Claude was preparing the dinner table and Félix was busy reading a book while sitting on a one-seater couch in the living room. 

"She's been in there for quite a while, she might have the soundproof on," Allegra said.

"She might have a commission she's doing." Félix interrupted. Feeling all eyes turn on him.

"How do you know that?" Claude asked in a teasing voice.

"I looked her up to see if she has any social media accounts, I found out she's an aspiring designer with quite the accomplishments." 

The trio was shocked. Allegra was immediately on her phone and searching her dormmate's name on the internet. She was shocked to see her name attached to a famous singer, rockstar, and even a fashion critique!

"Well, try and call her again, Dinner's ready," Allan announced.

Allegra was about to go when Félix beat her to it. She was shocked once again that their resident snob roommate is showing quite the attention to Marinette but she just shrugged it off. Félix stood in front of her door for a minute or two before he knocked.

"Marinette?" Felix called.

Inside, the girl didn't hear the call, but the kwamis did. They flew towards her to inform her that someone is calling her from outside her room. That was when she noticed the time. But it was too late...

The moment she placed down the dress she's embroidering neither her nor the kwamis that was near her, heard her unlocked door open.

When Marinette, whirled around she then froze, staring with wide eyes towards the blonde who was staring at her as well with his hand on her door's doorknob.

The Kwamis were staring at the two and in shame. Plagg was in the middle of swallowing a Camembert wedge then stopped and stared at the guy on the door, Tikki was nibbling her cookie but then paused.

"Uhm... I can explain...? They're... dolls...?" Marinette nervously said.

Félix blinked at her twice before answering, "Dolls? Dolls that are floating and... apparently can eat on their own..."

Marinette bit her bottom lip before breathing in hard. She grabbed Félix's hand then closed the door and made sure it is locked.

"Don't tell me..." Felix started.

Marinette avoided his gaze, "Then... I won't tell you." She said before giving him a sheepish smile.

Félix can only stare at her in bewilderment. His new dormmate, not only an aspiring designer who was done a lot of commissions for famous people, but is also someone important based on the number of the 'dolls' near her.

"Please, Félix... you can't tell anyone!" Marinette pleaded.

"What exactly are they? And how come there are so many of them?" Félix asked.

"... They're kwamis. They are the ones who give powers to Paris' superheroes..." Marietta hesitantly answered.

"And they are so many because... They are under my protection now..." She added.

He stared at her before looking at the dolls— kwamis that are still staring at them. And then looked back at her pleading face, he then also remembered the news of Ladybug relinquishing Chat Noir's miraculous, meaning that she's alone in the battlefield, she's alone against Hawkmoth.

"You're Ladybug... Paris' remaining hero." He said in conclusion only to have it confirmed by her when she looked away to try and avoid his gaze.

"Marinette... what you need is a team. A support team, base on your announcement earlier, you are alone against Hawkmoth. For now... think about it, if you need help, we're here to help. Let's go, dinner's ready." He said before opening her door and gestured for her to go with him to the dining area.

Marinette stared for a second before following him outside of the room, leaving the kwamis inside her bedroom.

"Oopsie...?" Trixx said nervously.

Plagg continued to eat his cheese before saying anything, "Well, the cat's out of the bag."

Some of the kwamis laughed at Plagg's statement, while Tikki looked at him with a deadpanned expression. "This is worrisome! Her secret's exposed!" She said.

"Tikki, calm down. This could be helpful to the Guardian. She could gain a new set of temporary heroes." Wayzz said.

—————

Meanwhile, a seething brunette is pacing back and forth in her room. She cursed Ladybug in Italian for almost ruining her then cursed her in french!

Earlier in the day, Lila, Rose, Juleka and Alix were together getting ice cream from André, when Enchanttréx came across them and hits her with the Akuma's powers. Lila started spewing out the truths while the rest of the girls are gaping at her.

She couldn't stop talking. She spewed out how she threatened Marinette in the bathroom, how she got 'injured' after being 'pushed' by Marinette, her thoughts about the class like how stupid they were, and many more. From her peripheral vision, she saw Ladybug stopped for a moment and glanced at them before swinging away.

Rose was mortified by what she heard.

Juleka was mumbling a lot and glaring at Lila. They didn't even notice her opening her phone and started recording the conversation, not even Lila noticed her.

Alix's angry expression was evident, she openly glared at the Italian brunette.

After a few minutes, the cure was cast, and Lila was trying to fix the situation but the other girls backed away from her and started walking away. Lila stood there for a while before running to their apartment and here she was now.

"That damn bug!" Lila shouted.

Rose and Juleka are currently on the Couffaine Houseboat— The Liberty. Juleka was comforting Rose whose crying a river on her shoulder while keeping an eye for any Akuma coming near. She tried to calm down the blonde, but Rose won't listen. Due to Lila's confession, it was clear that their previous findings were... real.

"Please, Rose... Calm down for a moment..." Juleka pleaded.

She then noticed her brother leaning on the doorway of his and her cabin. Luka Couffaine was starting at the scene in front of him. Deep inside, he was disappointed by his baby sister's choices. Instead of letting her other friends know, she hid it. He doesn't know why Juleka did it, he wanted to trust the girl's decisions, but Luka didn't know if it was the right thing to do.

"... What happened?" He asked, even though he might already have the answer.

Juleka stared at his brother's eyes before answering.

"We made a mistake..." She mumbled.

"She was right... That Lila was a liar, an Akuma happebed earlier, and Lila startes spewing a bunch of things... But..." Juleka added.

"No," Luka refuted.

"You said it yourself, Jules. You became aware of the situation, that someone in your friend group is a liar. Marinette only did what she was supposed to do, she tried to warn you all but only to be dismissed. You can't blame anyone else, Jules. You were warned by a friend, but you chose to go with everyone else and dismissed her claims. Then soon you knew about it, but didn't tell the others. You can't blame Lila here, you were the ones who believe her without any proof. You messed up. That's what happened. And I don't even know if you can still fix your mess..." He added.

Juleka could only drop her head lower due to shame. Rose who was listening to the conversation of the siblings, couldn't stop the aching part in her heart. Both of them know. They were at fault. Not Marinette, not Lila, but for them. They messed up, and by the time they realized their mistake, things might have been too late already.

Alix was back at her house, starting at a rolled-up banner in the corner of her room. A banner made by Marinette. She couldn't believe herself, if not because of that day's Akuma who knows when will they find out.

She pulled out the pocket watch given to her. In her head, she wished that she could turn back time, back to when Marinette was their friend and was warning them about Lila. She wished that she had the Rabbit Miraculous in her hands but she also knows that is a selfish thing to do.

Alix made a mistake. She doesn't know how to solve it. She didn't even know if she could even apologize for her mistake. For once, she desperately wishes that Bunnyx will appear and tell her about the future.

All three girls know that next school morning will be different from what they're used to... And it may not be the same ever again.

—————

The next morning came, Alix, Juleka and Rose were quite surprised that Lila hasn't arrived earlier than them. Alix immediately went to Kim and Max and explained what happened. Everyone could see that the trio that has two troublemakers is in a serious conversation, they could see Max typing furiously on his phone.

Juleka and Rose, however, went to a small group of their classmates. That group consists of Ivan, Mylene, Nathaniel, and surprisingly Sabrina.

But they were more surprised. Sabrina was telling the other three that Lila Rossi is a liar, but due to her reputation that is tied mostly to Chloé Bourgeois, people find it hard to believe. But when Juleka and Rose confirmed it, they were shocked, to say the least. Finding out that a classmate of yours enjoys toying with you to make themselves look popular can put a negative taste in your mouth. They didn't know that Nino arrived, they only noticed when Ivan saw Nino and his left hand raised, looks like to wave to someone, but frozen in his spot.

"... Nino...?" Mylene cautiously asked.

Instead of answering, he pulled out his phone and continued typing. They thought he'll text his girlfriend, but they saw him searching on the internet. Adrian saw his best friend and immediately went up to him, but was surprised at what he was doing.

"What's going on?" He asks.

"Finding out that one of our classmates is a pathological liar..." Rose answered.

Adrian only tilted his head. Juleka who was now being more observant saw his reaction. He wasn't surprised nor agitated that they were being fooled. As if he knows already.

"... Adrien?" Juleka called.

They all looked at her even though he only called the blonde boy. He answered why and looked at her curiously.

"... You knew... Didn't you?" Juleka boldly asked.

Adrian stilled. He started at the goth girl and avoided her eyes. The others saw it and slowly backed away from him.

Adrian looked at Nino, his eyes were pleading him to stay, but Nino shooked his head.

"You knew... Why didn't you say anything?! Why didn't you tell me?!" Nino whispered harshly instead of screaming to avoid making a scene.

Nino looked back to every interaction they had especially when Lila is the topic and when they are blaming Marinette for bullying the new student. Now he understands why Adrien was so quiet, why he was looking at the ravenette then soon avoided the girl's gaze. He looked at the blonde boy in front of him and thought to himself that he doesn't know this person in front of him anymore.

"Marinette knew. She knew that you knew... That's why she was looking at you every time! I thought she's just trying to plead that she's innocent but actually, she's pleading to you to say the truth!" Nino mumbled.

The others stared at Adrien for a moment before looking away, either in shame when they heard Marinette's name or in anger and don't want to do anything stupid. They all slowly left leaving a stunned Adrien and a silent Sabrina. She looked at him and stared. Soon she left as well, while she was walking she was texting Chloé of what happened and about Adrien's knowledge of the situation long ago. Chloé was furious, she thought at least the boy will have the decency to tell a friend or her but he kept it a secret and it led up to this.

Adrien's phone pinged, he pulled it out and was shocked to see what message was sent to him.

Chloé:  I don't know you anymore, Adrien. You knew but said nothing to anyone, not even to me. What kind of friend even are you?

Adrien heard the bell, and reluctantly dragged himself towards his classroom, he saw Nino seating next to his desk, but when he sat down the DJ didn't acknowledge his presence like before. Adrien looked to his right and saw Chloé frowning and ignoring him as well. He thought back to Chloé's last sentence in her message.

She was right. He knew from the very beginning, but he didn't side with the victim, instead, he sided with the bully. What kind of friend even was he? He didn't know either.

Chapter 6 — Moving Forward: Masterlist — Chapter 8

[faerienextdoor]

general relationship hcs with (some) pastas

Fair warning, I'm using and hinting at mine and my friends’ writing for these creeps :) enjoy  also as soon as i figure out how to open an ask box, I’ll be accepting requests

Brian:

- oh where to start with this absolute himbo

- he melts around you. like he's your bitch, and you're his.

- he's the type of boyfriend that takes you out in the snow and shoves a handful down the back of your jacket, and laughs until you shove snow in his face

- it is snow war

- it ends with you cuddling him, wrapped in a blanket and content in front of the burning fire he got started just for you <3

- but he also has some weird... habits.

- drinks pickle juice.

- gets his hand stuck in the jar.

- looks at you like 🥺 until you sigh and help him. for the fifteenth time.

- he can cook some basic breakfast foods, and happily breaks out a cookbook to prepare you something as a surprise or to learn something with you!!

- baking with him would be a mess. he forgets flour goes everywhere and now you both look like you took a bath in cocaine

- but the cupcakes are mediocre at best. they aren't absolute garbage, so... cupcake points!

- he worries about how hoodie treats you. he doesn't remember anything when he regains control, but you've reassured him hoodie is just fine.

- and he is

(hoodie)

- hoodie is like a rottweiler or a doberman.

- protective. intimidating. energetic.

- but also a giant fucking baby.

- this large ass man lumbers over and drops to his knees. places his chin on your lap and stares at you from the fabric of his mask until you stop what you're doing and stroke his head awkwardly

- you could swear he does those happy grumbled a rottie does.

- hoodie is silent but shows he loves you just as much as brian does. He strokes your hair silently, even places a kiss to the crown of your head as you sink into his beefy arms.

- he smells nice too. surprisingly.

- but that raises the question: if hoodie showers, does he shower with that damn thing on?

- you won't get an answer if you were to ask.

- brian introduces you to his grandma julia. and she dotes on you.

- the immortal old lady remarks that you’re the best s/o brian has brought to her yet.

Tim:

- a lumberjack man with biceps like a fucking tree trunk

- how'd you land him? give me your secrets (/j)

- he's such a love bug. a tired stressed love bug.

- he finds /every/ excuse to have physical contact with you. it's like a little touch from you reassures him that you're real. you're like a dream to him.

- he's the best for cuddles. He holds you to his chest

- and you get special access to his moobs

- and he gently strokes your head, traces shapes into your back, etc. it's a special intimate moment each time.

- my man's is italian-american but can't cook to save his fucken life

- he always gets your favorite microwave meals though!! he never forgets.

- not feeling good? dw baby he's making it for you <33 shitty low tier bean and cheese burrito coming up

- slowly he learns the basics and surprises you with lunch or even dinner if you're lucky!!

- he loves you so much. and wants you to feel it and know it. all the time.

(masky)

- god where to start with this bitch

- he's not jeff levels of bad ofc, but he's silent and... weird. creepy, some may say. he doesn't mean to be.

- and he's a hard ass. far more strict than tim.

- he follows you around like a giant fucken puppy and will spook you by grabbing you abruptly and holding you tightly

- you can't escape him. he really utilizes his physical strength

- he loves lifting you up and just... holding you. or carrying you off.

- protective and overbearing.

- but tim keeps him under control.

(angst)

- he wouldn't want to lose you like he lost his last wife.

- you find pictures of a woman laying around and a small girl that bears a striking resemblance to her and tim.

- tim goes quiet and questioned but eventually caves and tells you about his family

- or what he used to have

- his wife died and his daughter disappeared.

- it broke him and you're all he has left now

- constantly needs your affection in return to his own

- pls love him

jeff:

- why the fuck would you date him

- he's the absolute worst in so many aspects. But he genuinely tries for you.

- even if his gifts are shitty, it's nice to know he thoughts of you, right? even if it's a half dead flower or a rib torn from a deer caraccas.

- but you get the butt end of his shithead antics. ranch bath, specifically. he smelt like spoiled milk for a week after and you had to cuddle that fucker.

- and don't get me started on mayo bath

- but he still loves finding himself in your arms. or finding you in his. he's demanding affection wise, and will yank you into him for some cuddles. whether you like it or not.

- he isn't one for a lot of pet names, but calls you curse words or "sweetheart" in polish.

- and you get to see the side of him that only shows when he breaks down.

(bit of angst)

- he misses his family and the life he used to have. he'll reminisce what it was like in poland with his mom and family with you, and you sometimes swear you can see his brown eyes gloss over at the memory of her.

- he never talks about his dad, you've noticed.

- don't ask.

- he brushes off heavy conversations with some dumb quip ("wanna see my renegade?")

- he sucks at cooking. god awful at it. but he really tries for you. manages a bowl of oat meal that's edible.

- but he overloads it with sugar and for some reason, salt.

- he's confused. he thinks that's normal (it isn't)

- his idea of a date is napping with you. or rather, forcing you into nap time.

- I mean it when I say this man is strong in a weird fucken way. latches onto you with that iron grip and you won't be able to leave for at least a few hours.

jane:

- ethereal wlw woman.

- could break you with her heels. or a flutter of what eyelashes she has.

- you're lucky to have her, and she's just as lucky to have you!

- she's sweet and charming. very smooth and takes good care of you.

- her love language is a mix of physical touch and acts of service.

- she'll cuddle you all night, and then make you breakfast in the morning.

- she loves showering with you when she's comfy enough around you! it's super intimate and she washes your hair.

- massages the soap into your hair, suds spilling down your neck and back as her fingers scrub circles into your scalp.

- it's heaven on earth. such a domestic life.

- it'll take a while for her to settle enough in the relationship for you to see her without her mask

- you make her feel so loved and wanted

- secure, even.

- she's protective but not controlling or overbearing. shes that type of girlfriend that's just a worrywart and relaxes as soon as you're curled up in her arms. you fit there perfectly, too. like you belong there.

- which you do. at least in her mind

- she has such a gentle touch and hold on you. like she's afraid you'll combust in her arms if she holds you too tightly.

- she loves stroking your hair and having you nap

- using her tiddies as a pillow 👌

(angst)

- she needs affirmation from you when it comes to her scars.

- she thinks that jeff ruined her. permanently marking her once spotless body.

- and she thinks you'll hate her or find her disgusting.

- that's why she freezes if/when you gently slip off her mask.

- she stares at you with those teary green eyes. then leans in and kisses you

- you make all of her worries disappear.

- she's also financially comfortable, but not really rich (on that topic: eat the rich)

- she spoils you every chance she gets. gifts, a nice dinner date, you name it

- she almost spoils you as much as she does her cat Emory

- little shit has the sparkliest fucken collar and acts like he's the shit

- he's your fur baby too now

Helen:

- oh my god this disaster of an art boi

- he's convinced he's the luckiest man in the world (and he might as well be!!)

- he obviously wouldn't have been the one to confess. but it was really obvious by how he painted and drew you constantly, that some feeling for you was lodged into his beating heart.

- he treats you like the finest china. with the most care a man can manage.

- he's the definition of clingy and affectionate from the very start.

- he curls around your sleeping form perfectly when y'all cuddle.

- his hand dances in your hair, soothing you into a dreamless sleep each night without fail.

- he has a magic touch and a gentle voice.

- and he cherishes you so fucken much. (like a simp /j)

- he shies away from kisses at first, but will hold your hand and melts if you hold his face in them!!!

- he's greek, and often speaks sweet things to you in it. he's so comfortable around you that he speaks in his native language to you. that's an accomplishment.

- he loves when you baby him. helen loves being cradled and loved.

- taking a nap with his head on your chest also hits different. he's so in love with you

(angst)

- he's afraid of losing you. who wouldn't be? you're amazing and you love /him/ of all people

- he thinks very negatively of himself. please scold him for self deprecating.

- he always worries he'll wake up and you'll be gone.

- so he holds you extra close at night. and follows you around when you leave for any reason. Trails behind you like a lost puppy in need of a gentle kiss.

- which, is what he essentially is

- and also: pls steal his sweater and wear it. he'll cry over how cute you are.

[saeyoungs-sunflower]

Hello!! I like your hc so much! So i was wondering can i request the rfa+v, and saeran with an mc who is really insecure with her body so she starve herself on accident? If you’re not comfortable than you don’t have to!! Thank you tho :)

Hey there! Thank you so much, I’m glad you enjoy them😊I hope it’s okay but I mainly left out the eating part/made it brief. I’m really sorry, it’s just a bit of a delicate topic for me to write about but I really hope it’s still okay for you.

Just a reminder that it’s okay to feel insecure, but remember that you are not defined by your insecurities. I also don’t believe that there is one definition of beautiful, nor do I believe that thinking you are beautiful is vain or arrogant. Please be kind to yourselves, and if you are going through a rough patch with your body image or self-love, then I sincerely hope this can be a comfort for you and, if you can, I encourage you to reach out to someone or talk to a professional. My DMs are always open, if you ever need a chat or to rant then I’m here to listen. You are welcome and loved here💛

***

RFA with an insecure MC

Zen:

❤︎ now, if you’ve done his route, then you know that this man understands

❤︎ and we also know that his looks are very important to him, so he completely acknowledges your feelings and in no way invalidates them

❤︎ but that being said, this man worships your body

❤︎ if you guys weren’t together he would be the best wing man because he LOVES to praise you and lift you up, even if you aren’t feeling particularly insecure

❤︎ you got a new outfit? “YES GIRL YOU WORK IT” you do your makeup different? “YOU ARE SO TALENTED AND ARTISTIC YES” you’re in your sweats and your hair’s a mess you feel totally gross? “THAT’S MY GIRL RIGHT THERE WOW YOU ARE GLORIOUS”

❤︎ he’s very vocal about his love for you and his love for your body

❤︎ sometimes it can be a bit embarrassing and usually comments on your appearance can make you feel uncomfortable/self-conscious, but for some reason when he does it it gives you a lil confidence boost <3

❤︎ we’re no stranger to the fact that he is hot as fuck

❤︎ honestly makes a little mad like who gave you the audacity to look like that hMMM?

❤︎ so when you first started going out, your confidence plummeted

❤︎ and it didn’t help that, whilst the majority of his fans loved you and loved the relationship, there were a few that really got to you

❤︎ they would post some not very nice comments about you on the forum

❤︎ they were just jealous fanatics, but you didn’t know that and took what they said to heart

❤︎ you started working out a lot after that, probably a bit too much

❤︎ Zen picked up on this, and he was all for exercising with you but bbygirl you’re over doing it and you really don’t seem to be enjoying it

❤︎ so he decides to teach you how to dance!!!!

❤︎ that way, you still get the endorphins from exercise, but you also learn a great skill which gives you loads of confidence because guess what!!! you’re a natural and you look gorgeous when you dance!!!!

❤︎ teaches you that working out doesn’t necessarily need to be done for aesthetic purposes, and you can have loads of fun with your boo whilst you do it!

Yoosung:

★ bit like Zen, he kinda understands how you feel

★ he often expressed it in the chatroom that he was jealous of Zen’s looks, so I think this boy is also a little insecure

★ poor lil chicken nugget you’re beautiful too

★ but when you chose him over Zen?? oh boy the confidence boost

★ it was then that he got to appreciate that his looks didn’t mean everything, and he was grateful that he got to learn that from you

★ so when he found out you were insecure, it made him sad because??? you’re literally perfect????

★ he noticed that you were always second guessing yourself

★ you would always try on and so many outfits/do your hair over and over until giving up and throwing on whatever, but you always looked so defeated

★ he made a note from then on to always show you off to his friends like yeah bitch this is my hot ass girlfriend who also happens to be the most amazing person on earth what about it?

★ his social media is flooded with candid photos of you and the captions were always about how beautiful you were and how lucky he was to have you

★ however, he was still a little suspicious about your insecurities

★ when you were together and he asked if you want to grab something to eat, you had always “already eaten”, which started to seem unlikely especially in some situations

★ so whenever you came over, he would cook you SUPER delicious food

★ this boy is a cooking GOD

★ he also tried to make sure they were fairly healthy and balanced meals so you wouldn’t feel guilty about eating

★ little by little, your relationship with food became healthier once you discovered how good it could be when you cook properly

★ but also insecurities and bad eating habits don’t go away over night

★ so he always leaves post-it notes around reminding you to eat and take care of yourself, and also one’s that tell you how much he cares and loves everything about you

★ he’s so damn cute somebody hold me

Jaehee:

☞ GIRL SAME

☞ i know i’m repeating myself but this lady gets you

☞ we know that when she started working for Jumin, he made her cut her hair and wear fake glasses, and even though she looked HOT AS HELL (yes baehee work it) she just felt wrong and uncomfortable about her appearance

☞ so she could pick up on the fact that you were insecure from the get go

☞ she noticed how you would shy away from pictures, and you always wore clothes that would hide your body

☞ well that just won’t do

☞ something must be done

☞ you wILL FEEL THE LOVE MC YOU WILL

☞ organises a shopping trip for you to try on some hella cool outfits

☞ invites Zen along because, as stated above, he is very vocal with his praise and is just really good at hyping you up

☞ pretty sure everyone in the shop hates you because Jaehee and Zen do not hold back whenever you come out of the changing room lmao

☞ you may have been kicked out of one shop but let’s not worry about that

☞ you came home with some pretty fire outfits that were really flattering on you and just made you feel great ya know?

☞ Jaehee is usually pretty shy when asking you personal questions

☞ but she wants to help you, so one night over dinner she manages to get you to open up to her

☞ and man Jaehee is a good listener

☞ as a woman, i feel like she is able to understand where you’re coming from more than any of the others, so you’re in good hands :)

Jumin:

♚ this man…

♚ he just doesn’t get it i’m so sorry

♚ it’s not that he doesn’t care about your insecurities or thinks you are ridiculous for feeling that way, not at all actually

♚ looks were just never something he really thought about it in general

♚ he knew he was ‘good-looking’ and he knew what was considered ‘good-looking’, he just never cared about it much

♚ at first he was just like??? but you’re literally MC??? what is there to be insecure about???

♚ you had done pretty well at hiding your insecurities at the beginning of your relationship

♚ which was helped by the fact that Jumin would never assume that you had anything to dislike about yourself, so he never looked out for/noticed the signs

♚ it took a whole year guys damn

♚ it had been a year since you got together, so he wanted to take you out for a lovely meal

♚ but he also bought you a beautiful dress

♚ haha…

♚ this was where it went tits up lmao

♚ you were so grateful for it, it was a really stunning dress and you were actually pretty excited to try it on

♚ and so was he hehehe

♚ but when you came out of the bathroom and looked at yourself in the mirror, he noticed that your eyes were welling up and boi your face did not look happy

♚ Jumin’s like: ??????

♚ Jumin.exe has stopped working

♚ instantly takes you in his arms, shushing and cooing you as he rubbed your back

♚ “My love, what is it?”

♚ after a few sniffles, you knew you just had be honest with him

♚ “I’m sorry, Jumin. It’s the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen but I just ruin it…it belongs on someone else, not on me.”

♚ holds you so much tighter and even starts to feel tears prick his own eyes

♚ he takes a different approach to compliments

♚ he finds a way to compliment your appearance without sounding superficial or fake

♚ instead of “you’re beautiful”, he goes for “your smile lights up the room” or “you carry so much warmth and kindness in your eyes”

♚ it’s his way of letting you know that he thinks you’re the most gorgeous thing to walk the planet, but while also telling you that you are so much more than what you look like

Saeyoung:

☀︎ hoo hoo boiiiiii

☀︎ i’m just gonna cut to the chase

☀︎ he found out during some ~sexy times~

☀︎ i’m not going into graphic detail it’s not that kind of post ;)

☀︎ things were getting hella heated like damn

☀︎ so he started to ya know like…unbutton your shirt

☀︎ why am i actually getting embarrassed while writing this i need to get a grip

☀︎ spot the virgin lmfao

☀︎ but then you stopped him and he’s like P A N I C

☀︎ terrified that he crossed a line bby chill for a sec

☀︎ but then you ask if you could turn off the light and he starts to suspect that you don’t want him to see your body

☀︎ he’s so gentle about the topic it’s very sweet

☀︎ he wants you to know that he loves every fibre of your being, but he also doesn’t want to push you if you’re uncomfortable

☀︎ “MC, I adore every part of you, including your body. If you want me to turn off the light I absolutely will, but if you let me, I want to show you just how much you mean to me.”

☀︎ you hesitated, but eventually agreed to leave the light on

☀︎ and JESUS CHRIST HE DID NOT DISAPPOINT

☀︎ Saeyoung has an incredible attention to detail, as well as patience

☀︎ and he took his sweet time with you lemme tell ya

☀︎ you’re pretty sure he kissed every inch on your body whilst also whispering his praise as he did so

☀︎ he honestly made you feel like a Goddess

☀︎ everything he said was sincere and he just treated you with so much care and love and that shit is contagious

☀︎ ever since then, he was more physically affectionate with you until eventually you didn’t even think twice when undressing in front of him

☀︎ hello yes i would like to order one Saeyoung pls thank you

☀︎ actual love of my life

V / Jihyun:

❁ he asked you to be his model for one of his paintings

❁ and you were like ummmm……okay maybe it won’t be too bad????

❁ but this man has no chill

❁ he wanted you to be semi-nude and you were like h e l l  n o

❁ he was also Confused™

❁ you tried to make up some excuse but it was hopeless

❁ so you just told him that being nude in front of him was already difficult for you, but for you body to be on display for others to see was just too much

❁ this sweet man

❁ his heart broke

❁ it hurt him so much to know that someone with such a kind soul ever doubted her worth, especially because of something like your looks

❁ you were absolutely stunning to him, but he wanted you to believe that yourself

❁ he made a deal with you that if you modelled for him and were still uncomfortable with the outcome, then it would only ever be seen by you two

❁ you reluctantly agreed, and he made it his mission to make you see yourself through his eyes

❁ it took him a while to complete, but when he did oh man

❁ you full on started sobbing

❁ OH SHIT HE MADE MC CRY PANIC PANIC

❁ someone help this man

❁ you managed to tell him that you weren’t crying because you were upset, but because you never thought that you would ever see yourself as beautiful

❁ but the way he painted you GOOD G R I E F

❁ he made you look ethereal, and you couldn’t believe that this was how he saw you

❁ you didn’t even focus on the parts of you that you would usually hate because he made them look so heavenly and like,,,they belonged there???

❁ “Jihyun, you made me look so lovely.”

❁ “No, my love, that’s just what I saw. Everything you see here is you, nothing else.”

❁ okay great he made you cry even more goOD jOb jIhYuN

Saeran:

☽ ha ha ha ha ha

☽ you thought Jumin was bad?? oh i am so sorry my guy

☽ he just has no clue

☽ “What do you mean? Why do you care about how you look? You’re not ugly or anything.”

☽ gee thank you Saeran

☽ but also you are not helping in the slightest

☽ he’s REALLY not good at expressing his affection okay pls give him a break

☽ but he’s not heartless come on now

☽ it took him a while to fully understand where you were coming from, and even then he struggled to find a way to help

☽ Saeran is a very quiet supporter

☽ it’s hard to spot to the naked eye, but you know when Saeran cares for you because you feel it

☽ the first thing he notices is your body language

☽ and since he doesn’t really know what to do, he kinda just...adjusts you

☽ for example, if he sees that your body language is very closed off, almost like your trying to hide your body, he’ll silently move your shoulders and fix your posture so you are more open

☽ and if he sees you bow your head or try to block your face, he’ll silently lift your chin up

☽ but the most important part is that when he does this, he always smiles at you

☽ now Saeran is very careful with expressing his emotions. so when he does show his feelings, you know he means it

☽ so you started to hold yourself with more certainty and confidence, because it made him smile to see you not hiding away

☽ ‘fake it til you make it’ is a very real thing, and eventually it became natural to embrace every part of you

☽ when he became more comfortable, he told you that he was proud of how far you’d come and how he loved to see you feel good in your own skin

***

Thank you anon for the request, I hope you’re doing okay. Once again, anyone is welcome to message me if you’re struggling and need a friend to talk to <3 x

[thiswasinevitableid]

70 for sternclay, nsfw please :)

70: you’re planning my best friend’s wedding which we find out the day after you drunkenly hit on me at a bar and I reject you.

“God I hope this guy isn’t a jerk.” Dani plays with her hair as Aubrey fidgets with her phone.

“Hey, if he is, you’ve got me as back-up.” Barclay pats her shoulder reassuringly, “plus, like, you two are the brides. You’re the bosses of the wedding.”

“If we really were the bosses, we wouldn’t be working with a wedding planner in the first place.” Aubrey grumbles. 

There’s a knock on the door and Barclay stands, “I’ll get it, you two finish mentally bracing yourselves.”

He opens the door to find a tall, dark haired man with bright blues and a well-cut suit staring at him. Their expressions morph to shock and recognition at the same instant.

“Hi, hic, big guy, what’s your name?” The man’s blue eyes are noticeable even in the dim light of the bar. 

“Barclay.” He turns on his stool, giving the man a once over that he can’t help but notice. 

“You, hic, here, hic, with anyone?”

“Nope.”

“Want to, hic, be?” 

The man is clearly built under his v-neck t-shirt, and Barclay would dearly love to get a closer look at his ass. Trouble is, his ass is having a hard time staying balanced in that chair. 

“Sorry, blue eyes, not tonight.”

The man slinks away before Barclay can even ask if he wants him to call him a ride. 

“I’m looking for Aubrey Little’s residence?”

“You found it. She and Dani are in here.” He ushers blue-eyes inside, doesn’t envy him the look of suspicion he gets from both women. 

“Good afternoon, Ms. Little and Ms. Coulice, I’m Joseph Stern, and I’m here to help your wedding go off without a hitch.”

“Great. Let’s get this over with. Honey, can you go get the notes AH Dr. Harris Bonkers put that down!” Aubrey dives off the chair, grabbing a phone charger from the jaws of the ten pound white rabbit. 

As one bride opens up her laptop and the other re-cages a disgruntled small mammal, Stern turns to him.

“And, um, how do you know the brides to be?”

“Dani’s been my best friend since middle school, so I’m her man of honor and helping with the wedding planning.”

“I see. Oh, thank you Ms. Coulice.”

“Dani is fine.” Dani returns to her spot in the loveseat while Stern sits down in a nearby chair with her laptop. He reads for several moments without comment, Aubrey trading worried looks wh Barclay and Dani as he does. 

“Are these the specific venues you have in mind, or just examples of the type of location you’d like?”

“Mostly examples.” 

“Got it. Would you mind sending me these files? That way I can have them as reference when I’m looking into possible venues.”

“You’re not gonna, like, try to talk us into the Yacht Club or something?”

Stern looks at Aubrey with a warm, polite smile, “Ms. Little--Aubrey--, your father may have retained me, but my job is to make the wedding as close to what you want as possible. I’m not here to undermine you.”

“O-kay” Aubrey still sounds wary, but she and Dani relax as Stern goes over his planning approach with them and works out a tentative schedule of meetings. When he’s done, Barclay offers to walk him to the door. 

Just as he steps outside, he turns, “I, um, I would appreciate it if you didn’t mention our exchange last night to either of them. Or to Mr. Little. It’s not a habit of mine, I just had a bit too much, um, liquid courage.”

“You got it. Kinda feeling like I dodged a bullet myself.”

“Oh?” A dark eyebrow arches playfully. 

“Rather not sleep with the enemy.”

“Wh-did you miss the part where I said I was here to help them?” 

“Nope, but you and I both know it’s a lie. You’re here because Aubrey’s dad has a bug up his butt about this wedding causing a scandal or not being fancy enough or some bullshit, so he called you in to make sure it stays bland.” He sighs, “Look, Mr. Stern, I’m sure you’re a nice guy, but Dani is like a sister and Aubrey is one of my best friends; I’m here to make sure the wedding is actually what they want.”

Stern pinches the bridge of his nose, “is there anything I can to convince you I’m not trying to make them miserable?”

“Yeah. Quit.”

“Not a chance.” Is the immediate reply. 

“Well, there’s your answer then.” With that, he shuts the door. There’s a frustrated huff on the other side, and then footsteps fading away.

--------------------------------

Stern sighs, checks his appearance in the front window as he waits for Dani or Aubrey to open the door. He’s been working with them two weeks now, and while both women (and Dr Harris Bonkers) have warmed up to him some, Barclay remains polite but distant the times they’ve crossed paths. Lord almighty Stern can’t believe he almost slept with him. 

Yes, the man looks like his wet dreams made flesh and yes, Stern would like to ride him like a show-horse, but what a nightmare it would have made this whole assignment. Even if Barclay’s reasons insult him, he’s glad they’ve settled on keeping their distance.

Maybe this more casual look will help the other man see he’s not some stuffed suit out to ruin his friend’s wedding.

“Oh, you’re early.” Barclay opens the door with his usual pleasant but cool expression.

“No, I’m not. It’s three.” 

“Wait, shit really?” Barclay pulls out his phone as they walk inside, “damn, I must’ve lost track of time when I was cooking. Oh. Uh.” He looks at Stern, apologetic, “and I have a text from Aubrey saying she and Dani had a change of plans and won’t be here until seven.”

“That’s not great, but it’s workable. I can leave and come back.”

“Don’t you live kinda far--uh, huh, she says for us to just test out the menu together and leave her and Dani some for dinner.”

“I guess we can manage tha--why are there ingredients and pots everywhere?”

“Because...I’m…Cooking?” Barclay glances sideways at him. 

“What happened to the entire conversation about caterers? When did they change? What’s-”

“Hold on.” Barclay raises one hand, voice calm and deep, soothing over Stern’s rising worries like waves over hot skin, “think you’re mixed up; we’re trying out the food for the rehearsal dinner today. The one I’m cooking. Not the reception.”

“Oh thank the lord.” Stern slumps forward on the counter, “I thought I was about to have a whole day of calling disgruntled employees to tell them to nevermind about a quote.”

“Nope. Now have a seat, look like you’re gonna pass out on Dani’s floor. You want something to drink? We got water, beer, iced tea…”

“Water’s fine, thank you.” He tracks Barclay through the kitchen as he retrieves a glass from an upper cabinet, shirt riding up to show a patch of a dark, fuzzy belly that Stern instantly wants to feel pressed against him as it’s owner pins him to the nearest flat surface. 

Cooking seems to relax the other man enough that he actually chats with Stern, rather than keeping their conversation focused on the wedding. Stern learns he’s a personal chef and cookbook editor, though his original background was in baking. 

“Okay man, I gotta know” Barclay stirs something cardamom scented over the stove, “what’s with the shirt?”

“It’s from the radio station that first broadcast the story of the Michigan Dogman.”

“The what?”

“The Michigan Dogman, it’s a cryptid, um, nevermind” he curses himself for choosing casual clothes, “it’s niche and nerdy, you don’t want to hear about it.”

“Wrong, now you gotta tell me everything.” Barclay grins at him over his shoulder.

So he does, gradually at first in case Barclay regrets pushing this geekery button and needs to change the conversation, but the other man simply listens, really listens, as he cooks while Stern talks about his journey to the radio station and his talk with the DJ who accidentally started a legend. 

They keep talking as they eat, swapping travel stories and book recommendations, Barclay laughing when Stern shares some of the more ridiculous requests he’s gotten while working as a wedding planner. 

When Aubrey and Dani arrive home, they take one look at him and Barclay, stopped mid-anecdote and smiling at each other, and trade a surprised glance. 

All Stern can think is you and me both.

------------------------------------

The planning goes more smoothly after that night, Barclay beginning to trust Stern more and more. Stern also learns that he trusts Barclay’s judgement , and the other man is invaluable in helping him narrow down options to present to the brides, both of whom are overall pleased with his work.

He’s particularly proud of his find for the wedding venue. The Madonna Inn is perfect, brightly colored and fancy but still just a bit kitschy, like the locations Dani originally showed him. Both brides were overjoyed, which is why all four of them came down for the weekend to make preparations and start scoping out vendors for the food and flowers.  Dani and Aubrey went back up to the city Sunday night, but he and Barclay are staying at the inn the rest of the week, Stern in hopes of having everything scheduled and coordinated and Barclay there in case he needs a second set of eyes (he’s working on a new cookbook and his clients are traveling, so taking the week down the coast is no trouble). 

Today has been a work day, but Stern is taking tomorrow off basically because no one has time to meet with him. So after a late afternoon spent lounging on the beach, the two of them go out for a leisurely dinner. On a whim, Stern lets Barclay select and order his meal for him. He doesn’t mean for it to be flirtatious at first, he just trusts Barclay’s culinary instincts and is tired of making decisions. But one look at Barclay’s face, his widening pupils and sudden blush, tell Stern all he needs to know. 

“You gonna be good and eat whatever I give you?” Barclay murmurs, so low he’s almost inaudible under the clank of silverware and hum of conversation. 

“Of course.” Stern puts on his sweetest smile, shores up his defenses against the self-doubt curling up his spine. He’s not fast enough, and so orders another cocktail. 

Halfway through the meal, he notices Barclay watching him, and another piece clicks into place; the cook keeps eyeing his lips and throat as he eats, often shifts in his chair if Stern makes a delighted noise after a bite. When dessert comes, the accidental sounds are replaced by deliberate ones and he luxuriates as he eats his tiramisu, licking the fork to be sure not a drop of cream is wasted. 

Barclay asks for the check, and two more slices of cake to-go, without ever taking his eyes off of Stern. He’s feeling confident, and a bit wobbly, as Barclay drives them back to the Inn, taking the larger man’s hand and pulling him towards one of the beds before he can even get the lights on.

A large, gentle hand on his shoulder, “no can do, blue eyes.”

“But I, hic, we, hic-” the world goes sideways as Baclay unlinks their hands. 

“Go get some sleep, Joe.”

He changes while Barclay’s in the bathroom, huddles under the covers and faces the window so the other man can’t see him burning top to bottom with shame. 

Things get worse in the morning; he’s awoken by a phone call saying the florist has an open slot to meet with him in an hour and so he throws on the nearest nice clothes and dashes out the door. That meeting is followed by a phone call from Mr. Little who is none to pleased with the location choice and Stern spends forty-five minutes convincing him that the Inn is perfectly tasteful and also it’s what the brides want and that counts for a great deal wouldn’t you agree?

His nerves are firing full-strength when he gets back to the room. Barclay, freshly showered and clothed, looks up at him from the bed where he’s thumbing through Cooks Illustrated, reading glasses perched on his nose. 

“Rough morning?”

“ Yes.”

He shuts the magazine “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Do you wanna talk about last night?”

“Also no.”

“Well, I do.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. You simply aren’t interested in me that way and I’ve made an ass of myself twice by misreading the situation.”

“You’re wrong. You’re my type, blue eyes-”

“Clearly not, since-”

“-When you’re sober.” Barclay sits all the way up, “which is why I wanna know why you only flirt with me when you’re so drunk neither of us can try anything.”

“Because...because approaching people like that makes me nervous. I’m already under enough stress as it, running block for Aubrey and Dani against Mr. Little without getting myself fired, and the thought of trying to flirt, it’s, everything starts going wrong, it will all go wrong and-” the panic is back, his composure leaving him and taking whatever respect Barclay had for him with it. 

“Joe, breathe.”

“Breathing is not the issue here!” 

Barclay stands, face calm, and walks over to him. Instead of stepping in front of him, he circles behind, and a hand rests at the base of Stern’s neck.

“Let’s try that again. Inhale, blue eyes, a nice long one.” 

Stern complies, Barclay’s voice carrying no threats but leaving no room for protest. 

“Breathe out, count to four while you do.”

Stern exhales, nerves diverting energy from panic to desire, Barclays fingers on his skin and dominant baritone in his ear. 

“Good boy. Do it again.”

Stern takes another deep breath, then another, over and over as Barclay leads him to the bed and slips off his jacket, followed by his shoes and socks. 

“That’s it Joe, you’re doing so good.” He sits beside him on the bed, stroking his hair and Stern follows his touch, “what do you need? What helps when this happens?”

“Something to, to focus on, until I calm down. Just not work related or too complicated.”

“Hmmm” a thumb brushes over his lips, then down his chin, “I got a few things in mind, but they’re pretty damn dirty. Should we try something else?”

“No, please, I, I want that, want, want to be good for you like that.”

“Okay blue eyes, we can do that. You gotta promise me you’ll say ‘stop’ if something doesn’t feel good, okay?”

He nods, heart shaking his ribs, and Barclay leans and kisses him once, tenderly, before laying back on the bed, hands resting beneath his head.

“Get my dick out, yeah, there we go, good boy, I want you to use your mouth, can you, OH, ohhhhyeah.” His cock bumps Stern’s cheek as his hips tilt, a response to Stern lapping teasingly at the base. He drags his tongue all the way up the shaft, takes the head into his mouth, doing his damndest to lock eyes with Barclay the whole time. 

“Babe, fuck, that’s it, oh fuck you look good like that, knew you’d look good with my dick in your mouth, been thinking about it since that first night.”

Stern whimpers, hungry for more and pushes his head down. Having Barclay’s cock in his mouth forces him to keep his breathing measured, and so he savors it, senses filling with salt and skin and lingering hints of soap. 

“That’s it babe, nice and slow, we got all day. Long as I get to cum sometime before noon I’m happy.”

Stern rolls his tongue over the tip as he pulls off, switches to kisses and licks as he slowly jerks him off. Occasionally he skates up, nudging Barclay’s shirt with his nose--his hands uninterested in leaving his cock--so he can leave deep, longing kisses across his stomach and hips. Every movement elicits a groan or a sigh, every kiss and suck earns him praise. It’s only when his hands are slick with pre-cum and his own saliva that Barclay bucks his hips more intently, growling when Stern takes him back into his mouth. 

“Shit you’re good at this, not, fuck, not surprised, look like you would be, like all you need is for me to take care of you and you’ll open that fucking perfect mouth whenever I ask FUCK, oh you like that, don’t you babe? Fuck, shit, like the idea of taking what I give you?”

He whines, rubbing his thighs together as Barclay’s cock bumps the back of his mouth.

“You got three seconds to decide how you wanna take this.”

Stern locks eyes with him again, and dips down the barest bit more. Barclay’s hands tangle in his hair as he groans “good boy” and cums, bitter and warm, down Stern’s throat.

His hands flop onto the bed, allowing Stern to sit up. 

“Did...was I good?”

“So fucking good.” Barclay thwacks a hand dramatically onto his forehead to wipe it, “do you want to keep going? Or do you want to stop?”

“I want” Stern presses his hand against his cock, as if this will help rather than make him wetter, “please, can we keep going?”

“Yeah” Barclay sits up, kisses each cheek, “pants and underwear off, leave the shirt and tie.”

By the time Stern is appropriately undressed, Barclay is back on the bed with the to-go box and  a plastic fork. He reclines on the pillows, box on his upper chest, “come straddle me, knees about here” he pats the bed near his waist. Stern scoots up into position, Barclay licking his lips as he does. 

“Good boy. Now, you’re gonna show me how you get off, so I can know just what to do tonight to make you cry into the mattress.”

“Fuck.” Stern gasps, fingers already rapidly stroking his dick.

“Mmmm, look at how slick you are. Think that deserves a reward.” He spears a piece of cake, “open.”

Stern opens his mouth, leaning forward so Barclay can more easily feed him.

“You do like being spoiled. I can work with that.” Barclay rumbles, pleased, when Sterns fingers work frantically after a second bite. 

“Please, Barclay, I want to kiss you, please say I can kiss you.”

“Not until you finish.” 

“The, the cake or myself.”

“Yourself, blue eyes.”

He’s panting now, sweat soaking through his shirt, and slowing his hand and hips to take the bites Barclay offers. When he cums it doubles him over, and as he’s bracing his hands on the headboard, trying not to collapse on his partner, Barclay moves everything aside and cups his face, gently guiding him down to kiss him. They stay like that as Stern slowly explores his mouth, tastes leftover cake and laughs when a coppery beard scratches his neck. And when he begins to drop, breath shallow and fingers shaking, Barclay rolls them onto their sides, holds him close. Tells him over and over that he’s proud of him, that he did so well, that he’s right here and he’ll take care of him, give him whatever he wants. 

“Honestly, breakfast sounds better than anything else right now.” Stern mumbles against his chest. 

“I’ll order us some. You still need me to dom you, or are you ready to start calling the shots again?”

“I don’t call all the shots.” 

“Just most of ‘em. Don’t tell anyone, but I kinda like that about you. You’re good at what you do.” Barclay kisses his forehead. 

“I...I think I’d like to rinse off while you order breakfast.”

Barclay offers one more kiss before they roll out of bed, has Stern’s robe waiting for him when he gets out of the shower and brings him the room service tray as soon as it’s delivered. They lounge together on Stern’s bed, watching the Inn come to life as the afternoon draws near. From here, they can even see the spot where their friends will get married.

“The ceremony is gonna be perfect.”

“As perfect as I can manage, yes.”

“You got a date for it yet?”

“No.” 

“You want one?” Barclay smiles at him, the sunlight making him look as if he stepped out of a daydream and into Stern’s bed. 

“Depends; would that date be you?”

“Yep.” Barclay kisses his shoulder.

“Well then,” Stern grins, tips his chin up for a coffee-flavored kiss, “there’s your answer.’

[twoblueheartslocked]

Mini Para: November Flashback

Rating: PG/PG-13

Pairing: Seblaine.

Sebastian: @colorsicantsee

Blaine: @twoblueheartslocked

Time: Four years before the events of ( Hold On To The Memories, They Will Hold On To You ) Events taking place in November of Blaine’s Senior Year and Sebastian’s Junior Year. Blaine (17) Seb(16).

Location: Blaine’s House. Westerville, Ohio

Info: A little glimpse into the month of November and the progression of Sebastian and Blaine’s relationship. Blaine invites Seb to his small family Thanksgiving dinner. Cooper embarrasses Blaine a bit and Seb makes him feel better.

Warnings: Teens cursing, kissing, touching.

Extra Warnings: (This RP is not Kurt Hummel friendly. You’ve all been warned.)

Notes: Some canon events remain in place while others have been changed. Some things may even be out of order. You can consider this sort of canon divergent AU. A few changes are that Blaine’s parents are different from the show (His mother is Filipina), he didn’t cheat on Kurt or date Dave and Sebastian is younger than Blaine. Feel free to send a message if you have any questions!

Blaine’s POV:

Blaine paced nervously at the foot of his stairs as he waited for Sebastian to show up. He wasn’t late by any means, but Blaine was beside himself trying to get to the door before Cooper, who was in town from Los Angeles,  managed to throw it open and scare him off. Cooper had been harassing him about his relationship with Sebastian for the last two days, making ridiculous faces and taunting him with stupid questions that made Blaine blush. Oooh, going after the bad boys now? Oh my god, do you think you’ll survive college? Oooh, are you in love, Blainey? At least you get to dress yourself now, that’s a step up. Coop had been relentless and Blaine was sort of regretting inviting Seb to come over. He was now terrified that Cooper would say something dumb about love and actually chase Seb off with his idiocy.

It didn't help that he was a little afraid of how Seb might see Cooper. He’d never met him and if he saw him on the television then he’d never fessed up to it. But, people tended to like Cooper better than they liked him and Blaine couldn’t help but feel a little bit nervous that Seb might see his brother's six foot frame and blue eyes and forget he was even there. He remembered how cute Kurt had thought Cooper was and how in awe he’d seemed and the flair of jealousy Blaine had felt and now he was fighting as hard as he could to keep the jealousy at bay this time.

Blaine sighed, a little annoyed with himself because he knew better now. Sebastian seemed to only have eyes for him, seemed to only ever make time for him (and occasionally Hunter) So He knew he should calm down. Over the last month he and Sebastian had managed to get even closer. They’d spent the rest of October after his incredible birthday night in spooky bliss-Seb actually went to a Haunted House with Blaine and Sam and didn’t scream once, just clung to Blaine like a lifeline, but Blaine hadn’t minded at all. And since the start of November they'd taken more walks in parks with autumn leaves falling overhead and stepping over blankets of the crunchy ones with hot cider than he could count. And now Seb was going to be sitting at the family table with his mom, dad, Cooper and himself and he was giddy with it all.

His cheeks hurt with how happy he was. He couldn’t remember ever smiling this much before and if he had, whatever he’d been smiling about suddenly didn’t compare to the sight of Sebastian Smythe’s cheeks tinged a pinkish red whether from the cold where he got to sneak frozen kisses or from Blaine’s hands or mouth in their intimate moments as Seb sang out his name in a chorus that seemed to only be for Blaine. He was closer than ever to letting his feelings for Sebastian slip past his lips and he didn’t know what that might do to them. He’d made a promise to himself to keep it in for a bit longer, see how tonight went and maybe get through the New Year, but every day that Blaine spent with him made it harder to keep the pitter patter rhythm of I love you I love you in his heart to himself.

The very heart that skipped a beat when Sebastian’s confident and steady knock rapped through the door and pulled him from his thoughts. Blaine surged forward, throwing a look at himself in the hall mirror and noting that a curl was loose and his fitted navy blue sweater was slightly disheveled- he couldn’t care too much though, he needed to beat Cooper. He could already hear his brother’s thundering feet as he tried to get to the door first. He grabbed the handle, trying not to slip on the hardwood floor as he pulled the door open to Sebastian standing in the brisk Ohio autumn, his cheeks tinged pinkish red front the cold. A smile broke out on his face as he reached out and pulled him in, wrapping him in a hug and giving him a quick hello kiss before Cooper could round the corner and make fun of him more.

“Hey you. I see even the cold couldn’t keep you away.” 

He teased, not wanting to let go. Suddenly the thought of sharing Seb with his family for the evening seemed tortuous, especially when they could just be alone. But, Cooper's little singsong of Blainey rang out and Blaine knew that wasn’t entirely possible. He’d have to introduce them sooner or later.

“Maybe we can get a few more of those kisses in later?” He whispered before leading his person into the family room where a defeated Coop had retreated.

“Coop this is Sebastian; Seb this is my brother Cooper.”

Sebastian’s POV:

If you would have told Sebastian a year ago that he would be regularly going on planned dates and lingering on doorsteps for goodnight kisses and getting invited to family dinners, he would have laughed in your face and said a few things that would probably hurt your feelings. But here he was, walking up to Blaine’s doorsteps with a pumpkin pie his cook had prepared. The bottom of the glass dish was warm in the palm of his hand as the chilly air whipped around him. Of course, Blaine answered right away to rescue him from the biting air, as if he could sense Sebastian’s discomfort.

“Hey B.” He leaned down for a quick kiss. He could sense an edge of nerves in the other boy. “Thanksgiving dinner? I wouldn’t miss that for the world.” Seb squeezed Blaine’s hand and hoped that it had comforted him some. Sebastian knew that he was on edge about his older brother being home for the holidays. Blaine had told him about how Kurt and the New Directions fawned all over him because he was in a few insurance commercials and was typically good looking. Sebastian had assured Blaine that a few commercials didn’t impress him and that nobody was him and therefore couldn’t steal his gaze away.

“I can’t wait.” Seb whispered into Blaine’s ear before he was tugged towards the Anderson’s family room.

Cooper was tall and handsome, sure but extremely goofy and cocky (an interesting mix). Sebastian could feel the puppy dog like energy roll off of him as he clasped his hand in an energetic handshake.

“Nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Sebastian figured it was best to keep things generic. Cooper grinned and clasped a big hand on Blaine’s shoulder but kept eye contact with Seb. “I can say the same for you, big guy. You ever think of doing commercial work? I could hook you up with a gig for Athlete’s foot powder. Lacrosse, right?”

Sebastian felt his eyes widen and his mouth drop open a tiny bit. Blaine’s cheeks turned bright red like the ribbons on the Christmas tree in the family room.

He recovered and shook his head, “Nah, no thanks. But yeah, I play Lacrosse. Season starts up in February.”

Sebastian looked around the room and could smell the scent of turkey and stuffing and cinnamon drifting into the room. “Where are your parents?”

Blaine’s POV:

Blaine’s smile felt far too big over something so small, but Sebastian telling him he wouldn’t miss Thanksgiving meant a lot to him. He knew that this wasn’t really Seb’s scene and the fact that he was here right now made Blaine happier than he could say. Little prickles of goosebumps broke out over his skin from the whispered words and Blaine was even more reluctant to share his time with Sebastian than he was before. Did he have to get that close to his ear? He was blushing when they entered the room and Cooper’s grin told him that he saw it too.

He stood there as Cooper looked Sebastian up and down, appraising him like one would a diamond and bit his bottom lip. Did Cooper have to make a show of everything? Athlete’s foot powder? Where did he come up with this stuff? He knew he was still blushing, the damn thing never seemed to go away when it came to Seb and he cursed himself for being so easy to read. He tried not to feel too self conscious standing in between the two of them but he felt so tiny next to them, he’d always felt that way next to Coop and with Sebastian being taller than Cooper he felt even smaller. And for the thousandths time Blaine wondered what Seb actually saw in him, especially with Cooper looking like a goddamn movie star.

“Don’t try to solicit Sebastian, Coop.” 

He groaned and shook his head watching as Cooper pulled his vibrating phone out of his pocket, his big brother gave a cheeky smile before excusing himself with a clap to Sebastian’s back and an overdramatic thumbs up to Blaine. Blaine wanted the floor to eat him up. He turned to Seb and gently took the pie from him with a shake of his head.

“I told you he was ate the hell up.” He laughed, “They’re both in the kitchen cooking away. My grandparents on my dad's side usually come but they had other engagements this year and mom and dad must have forgotten out of habit and have made too much food. Don’t be surprised if my mom tries to send you home with fifty pounds of mashed potatoes.” He grinned up at Seb. “Don’t worry though, you can say no.” He turned and linked their fingers, Seb’s fingers still warm from the pie before tugging Sebastian into the kitchen to greet his parents.

His father poked his head up from the oven, his blue eyes looking too bright in the autumnal colors of their kitchen as he smiled and greeted Sebastian with a, “Hey kid! Take your coat off, stay for a bit! Oooh, is that Pumpkin?” Before ducking back into the oven to mess around with their turkey. Blaine always felt a little useless on Thanksgiving, his parents liked to take care of everything and really didn’t let him help much in the kitchen, no matter how much he liked to cook- his mom always told him the meal was their gift to him and Cooper. Blaine appreciated but, but would much rather have been covered in cranberries than stuck listening to Cooper's harassment.

His mom wiped her hands on her apron and gratefully took the pie from Blaine and squeezed his hand before turning her attention to Sebastian, her dainty hands reaching out to squeeze both of his shoulders in a sort of but not quite hug. She’d gotten to know him enough that she knew what touching she could get by with. He watched the comfort with which they interacted, both of them smiling, and couldn’t help but smile himself. “Yes, thank you for the pie, Sebastian. And welcome to your very first Anderson Family Thanksgiving. Hopefully next year we’ll be better prepared and the food will actually be ready when you get here. Alas, you're all three going to have to wait a big longer. My husband underestimated his turkey cooking time.” She laughed and let go of Seb and looked between the two of them. “Why don’t the two of you go hang out for a bit, I think it’ll be ready in about an hour.” Blaine laughed a little as she shooed them gently away.

He nodded towards the stairs, trying to make a beeline to his room before Cooper found them again. He hoped his phone call was a long one and that his brother would get lost on his way to bother them as he pulled Sebastian into his room and closed the door. He probably should have kept it open, but his mom and dad were up to their elbows in dinner so hopefully they wouldn't notice. He turned to Seb and held out his hands for his coat.

“It really is too warm in here for you to be wearing that.” He smiled up at Seb and wanted nothing more than to cash in on those kisses right now. “Sorry about Coop, he can be a bit much.” He sat down on his bed and rolled his eyes. “Not that it stops my friends from adoring him.”

Sebastian’s POV:

Sebastian didn’t have time to ask if the Anderson’s needed any help, not that they would have taken it before they were shooed from the kitchen. He had never seen his parents interact together the way Will and Imelda did. Hell, he’d never even seen his dad prepare anything besides peanut butter sandwiches and he inherited his mother’s cooking ability, so figure that one out. It was really nice to see parents actually get along, nice to walk into a warm, inviting kitchen where there wasn’t a single staff member or catered food laid out. “I like your parents.”

Sebastian shrugged his jacket off and tossed it onto Blaine’s bed. “Now we have a reason to come back up here tonight. Can’t leave without my coat.” He sat next to the other boy and reached for his hand. Seb held Blaine’s hand in his lap and reveled in the feeling of his music worn hands. He never grew tired of his strong, calloused fingers. Sebastian would often get lost in thoughts of those hands on other parts of his body...

“Don’t apologize. He didn’t do anything too crazy.” He sighed and watched the other boy’s face. Sebastian knew that Cooper and B had a strained relationship and that the younger sibling often felt swallowed by the other’s shadow.

“But. Wait? Aren’t you...oh my god…” Sebastian moved to his knees and gasped dramatically, he wobbled a little unsteady on the bed. “Blaine Anderson?! Oh my god, I’m such a fan.” He pinned Blaine to the bed with one hand and gently tickled his side as he straddled him. “ You’re like, show choir royalty and you can play like, 465 instruments!”

Blaine’s POV:

Blaine felt a wave of emotion at the mention of his parents, he smiled softly up at Sebastian and nodded, “They like you, too.” He let out a little laugh. “Mom actually told me she was surprised that she liked you so much considering the whole slushie and almost blinding me in one eye bit, but she said that she likes the way I am with you.” He shrugged, a little embarrassed to admit her words. “She said that I’m, I don’t know, like way more myself with you than I was with Kurt, and my dad agrees. So, yeah, you’re their favorite, kid.” He teased echoing his dad’s nickname from earlier. “You’re mine, too.”

He watched as Seb shrugged off his coat and a little flutter of giddiness swept through him as Sebastian sat down next to him on his bed and held his hand in his lap. They’d been on this bed before, kissing and touching, but each time it made Blaine feel twisted up and out of sorts in the best way possible.

“Mm, and of course I’ll have to come up and help you find it.” He teased. He bit his lip as Sebastian looked at him, the sigh leaving the taller boys lips making him tense up a bit. Was Seb regretting spending the holiday with him and his family? “He’s a pain in the ass, that’s what he is.” He grumbled, rolling his eyes again before looking back up at Seb, his brow furrowing in confusion for a moment at Seb’s words. Once he realized what Seb was doing his face broke out into another smile and he let out an actual giggle.

“Don’t you dare tickle me, Sebastian.”

Of course Seb had sensed Blaine’s insecurities. His shoulder came up as if to defend himself from Sebastian’s tickles and his giggles intensified as he playfully pretended to bat the other boys hands away. He let himself be pressed down onto his bed, his body wiggling in an incredibly half hearted attempt to get away. It amazed him that Sebastian knew what he needed even when Blaine wasn’t actually aware that he’d needed anything at all. The other boy had this amazing ability to pull him out of almost any funk he’d found himself in. He’d been managing to do it even before they started dating.

“You’re so sweet.” He mumbled as he caught Sebastian’s tickling hand in his own and pulled it towards him so he could press his lips against his knuckles. Blaine loved it when Seb did things like this. Blaine was confident that nobody else had gotten to see him when he was like this; sweet, and kind and smiling at him with every perfectly imperfect tooth on display and it was all just for him.  “Come here.” He whispered softly as he tugged on Seb’s hand gently, pulling him down towards him. He tilted his head back against his pillow, his face up and open towards Seb’s. His wrist was still locked in Seb’s slender fingers against the comforter, but his other hand was free and he slid it around Seb’s waist to press them close before lifting his head to connect their lips and kissing him slowly and sweetly, his eyes slipping closed as he lost himself in the blissful moment.

There was this terrible fear in the back of his mind that Cooper would burst in and ruin the moment, but he couldn’t be bothered to stop. It would be his brother’s own fault and he’d have to live with the sight. He let his free hand slide up from Seb’s waist and let his fingers curl against the back of Seb’s neck, one of Seb’s favorite places to be touched, scraping lightly against the sensitive skin and pulling the other boy even closer, a tiny little gasp escaping his lips as he rolled his hips up involuntarily. He hadn’t meant to do it, but Sebastian’s lips and body felt good and heavy against his and he wanted nothing more than to roll them over and pin Seb down so he could slide his hands up his shirt and let his fingers dance against the sprinkle of soft hair on his tummy- just to watch the other boy squirm underneath him. He wanted to touch and kiss him all over all the time and each time they got to Blaine had to stop himself from asking Seb to take things even further. They’d done plenty; Blaine could still feel every touch, taste, and movement, but they still hadn’t gone all the way in the traditional sense, they never seemed to get enough alone time, someone was always lurking about but Blaine was so ready for for that connection, yet so incredibly scared to make that move.

He sighed into the kisses knowing that if he didn’t stop soon he wouldn’t be able to explain his swollen lips and tousled hair to his mom and dad and Cooper would totally know what they were up to. He nipped playfully at Seb’s bottom lip before letting his head fall back against his pillows feeling needy and suddenly hot even though it was freezing outside. He could feel his lips pulling down into a pout and he let his fingers walk up and down the back of Seb’s neck as he spoke.

“Do you ever wish that we could just have like, a night alone?” He could feel himself start to blush again with each word as he locked onto Seb’s green gaze. “I mean, I know we get to be alone some, but I mean like… alone alone. Where there isn’t a parent in an office next to the basement stairs or down in the kitchen.” He lifted his shoulder in a shrug. “I guess I’m just super selfish and I want you all to myself and there always seems to be something we have to do.”

Sebastian’s POV:

Sebastian sighed into Blaine’s mouth. He thought that he could kiss him forever and would even be content missing out on homemade mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce and fresh pumpkin squares if that meant rolling around in the other boy’s comfy bed. Seb could feel Blaine’s fingers on his neck and his hips pressing up into his and he couldn’t help but moan a little despite himself. He loved when B touched his neck and he would often daydream about his hands on his neck in a more intimate way. God, he wished that they were in that damn house by themselves and that Cooper Anderson wasn’t loafing around, probably trying to bust into the room at any given moment.

He bit his bottom lip. Of course he thought about alone time with Blaine. “Yeah. All the time. Like….all the fucking time.” Sebastian  fixed a curl that started to pop out of place in the other’s perfectly kept hair. “And about that…” Sebastian took a deep breath. “My parent’s will be going out of town at the end of December. They’ll be gone a few days and I’ll have the place all to myself. I...was thinking that you could come over, spend the night.” He leaned down and gave Blaine a small, slow kiss. “What do you think?”  

Sebastian smiled and laughed a little bit, his nose bumped the other boy’s which made them both laugh some more. “This is probably the best Thanksgiving ever and I haven’t even tried the food yet.”

Blaine’s POV:

Blaine shivered, the sound of Seb’s little moan sending a thrill through the lower half of his body and he wondered if Sebastian could feel how into him he was. He licked his lips and shifted his hips under Sebastian’s body a bit. As much as he wanted to keep this going, he knew they needed to slow down. He lets his fingers ghost over Sebastian’s sensitive neck once more before letting his hand fall away. He reached for Seb’s hand and linked their fingers the best he could from his position and held their tangled hands to his chest. He could feel the rapid thump of his heart against his fingers.

“You do?” His voice was soft and he watched as Seb removed his hand from his pinned wrist and reached out to brush one of his curls away. He let his eyes fall closed for a moment so he could enjoy the movement and he wondered, not for the first time, what Seb’s fingers might feel like tangled in his hair after a shower, before he put product in. The thought felt so intimate and Blaine felt like he was going to go crazy with how much he wanted Sebastian. How he felt like he’d never get enough of him. And from the sound of desperation in Seb’s voice he appeared to feel the same… At least he hoped.  He bit his lip and let his eyes meet Seb’s, trying to read him. His green eyes were heavy and he suddenly seemed a little nervous and god yes Blaine wanted to spend the night with him.

As he kissed Sebastian back, the slow press of their lips made his brain feel a little fuzzy. He didn’t know how he’d do it, he’d probably have to lie to his mom and dad about staying with Sam or something, but he’d get there. He could already picture Sebastian lying naked against the sheets, shivering under Blaine’s touch, the two of them getting to explore each other's bodies without interruptions. Blaine couldn’t wait to sleep wrapped around him, couldn’t wait to tuck Seb in his arms where he’d be warm and safe and he’d make sure he got to wake next to him so he could kiss his sleepy face good morning. He smiled up at Seb softly.

“Well, I think that I’m gonna make it happen, Seb. I promise.”

He laughed as Seb’s nose bumped gently against his, “Now that’s a serious statement. Thanksgiving dinner is some of the best food ever.” He teased, his face falling into a wide smile. “I hope you still mean that when Cooper interrogates you over dessert later.” His smile softened a bit as he looked up at Sebastian. “All jokes aside, I think this has been the best Thanksgiving for me too, Seb. I’m so damn happy you’re here with me.”

And as soon has he finished his sentence the jarring sound of Cooper pounding on his bedroom door and and making them both jump with his singsong voice, “Blaaineyyyy, Sebaaassstiaaan. Dinner time! You’ve got about twenty seconds to get decent before I open the door. Twenty, nineteen…”

Blaine sighed as Seb got off of him and Blaine scooted so he could sit up and adjust himself. “I guess it was nice of him to give us a warning, yeah?” He gave a little laugh before letting himself steal one more of Sebastian’s kisses. “One for the road.” He helped Seb straighten his clothes and then his own. He glanced over at Seb’s discarded coat, excitement about getting to kiss him some more in his room later and the thought of getting to spend a whole night with him kept him even happier than normal as the evening went on without a hitch. It really had been the perfect Thanksgiving.

/fin.

[kirishwima]

seeing as you are still up for requests... could I get the boys reactions to finding out MC retricts food & shows signs of an eating disorder (undiagnosed but this kind of behavior has been going on for several years). It's perfectly fine if you don't want to write it, if you're uncomfortable with that topic! I don't want to pressure you into anything and I'm glad for the content you've written so far either way

hey! i don’t mind, i’ve dealt with ednos for years and it’s not something that ever fully goes away, but i feel that talking about it and being open is something that really helps.this is triggering content however, so please be warned, and don’t read it if hearing about eating disorders and behaviors triggers you! 

YOOSUNG:

* This boy loves to cook. Loves it! He’s always been looking forward to cooking for his future partner, isnisting he’ll always add a dash of love in every meal.

* So when he sees how little MC eats of his home-cooked meals he feels...disappointed, to say the least. Is it because they don’t like his cooking? They find it too salty? Too spicy?

* He’s too embarassed to ask at first, but after trying out different recipes and still seeing the same response from MC, he asks them about it.

* They just insist they don’t eat much in general, but that they tend to have a lot of snacks throughout the day and that that’s the reason why. Yoosung doesn’t really question it, since it’s true that he’s not with MC 24/7-it’s completely logical that they could be eating whilst he’s not home and being too full by the time he comes back to eat a full meal with him.

* Yet...something doesn’t add up. Even though MC insists they’re constantly snacking, there’s never anything missing from the cupboards, and at night they always insist they can’t eat any more-yet after looking closely at their patterns for a whole day, he swears he barely saw them eat much of anything!

* Eventually he gets worried and sits MC down to properly talk to them about it. He says how much it scares him to see them like this, and how he can see the impact this dietary lifestyle has on their health-how they seem tired and dizzy far too often, and how much it can impact their mental health too.

* He doesn’t expect MC to breakdown when he talks about it all-but seeing them explain through tears to him that they realise this behavior is wrong, but it’s something they’ve been doing for years and have no control over breaks him. He had no idea MC was struggling so much, even thoug they’ve been living under the same roof...

* He hugs them tight, kissing the top of their head as he promises he’ll help them work on it. He has no clue how, and has to ask for a lot of help from the RFA to find a good therapist for MC, but from then on he’s always sitting with them through meals, helping them slowly increase their portion size and distracting them when they get too anxious over what they’re eating. He’ll help them fight through this, together.

ZEN:

* He’s honestly always home late, and whenever he asks if MC already had dinner, the answer’s always yes.

* Yet, when he goes to the fridge to grab some leftover food to eat too, he notices there’s always far too much for MC to have also eaten-not unless they made a triple portion, which he doubts.

* When he asks them about it, MC insists they just made too much food. Soon after though, he notices that the portions do indeed decrease, and that it seems like they did eat-pies would be cut and a piece would be missing, or cutlery would be left in the dishwasher to be cleaned the next morning.

* Yet something nagged at Zen. Call it a premonition if you will, but he simply knew something was bothering his beloved, and he felt that their troubles and the food in the fridge had something to do with one another.

* He’d notice their nervous habit of gripping their collarbone between their thumb and index finger, how they’d stare at the mirror often and trail their hands down their sides with a frown-he tried to sneak up on them each time, wrap his arms around their waist and give them a kiss on the crook of their neck, reminding them how beautiful they look, but he’d be always met with a roll of the eyes or a huff, MC genlty pushing him off of them as they swtiched back to their normal self.

* The last straw came when one morning he asked MC if they wanted to jog with him-they said yes, and yet as soon as they neared the park and prepared to run, he turnt to say something to MC only to find them falling to the floor, squatting down with their head resting on their knees as they took deep labored breaths.

* Zen immediatly picked them up, taking them to a bench to sit on so he could take a proper look at them, notice the paleness of their skin and the sheen of sweat on their forehead from the hot summer air. He gave them some water yet they still shook, their colour turning an almost sickly green. 

* He was about to call the hospital when MC stopped him with a shaky hand, telling him that it’s their sugar levels acting up. With a confused frown, Zen dashed to the convinience store across the street, getting a dozen bars of chocolate and a sugary drink and running back to MC, opening the drink for them and forcing them to drink a few gulps of it.

* When they settled down and seemed better, Zen was furious. But more than that he was worried. What happened? This isn’t normal, did they not eat anything?!

* MC gulped down their anxiety and came clean to Zen-told him about their eating habits, how they kept torturing themselves with a constant need of control, how they’d skip meals and over-work themselves with exercise. 

* Zen’s heart broke. His MC was going through this all? And he never noticed? 

* He swore to help them get through it. He tried to be there for every meal, calling them if not, and tried to show them how fun a correct healthy lifestyle can be. He’d reming them of how much he loved them the way they are everyday, and will never stop telling them so until they start to believe it themselves.

JUMIN:

* He of course learns about it as soon as the chef informs him that MC is either refusing meals or asking him to not cook them at all.

* He’ll waste no time in talking to MC about it, reminding them how important a healthy lifestyle is, and how he can take them to meet his nutritionist for a custom-made meal plan tailored to them and their needs.

* To say he was not expecting MC to break down at that is...an understatement lol. He’s immediatly by their side, holding them close to his chest as they cry and explain how it’s not a matter of meal plans or lifestyle-it’s something out of their control, how getting food in them terrifies them, how they know it’s not right or healthy but there’s this sick sense of power from controlling their hunger in this way.

* Jumin isn’t able to process all of that right away-instead he’ll sit MC down on the couch, his hands wrapped around them as he asks why they’d need to have this control they insist they need over their body. 

* “My love, you’re wonderful the way you are, and I fell in love with your mind, bosy and soul. It hurts to even think that you don’t see the beauty that’s in you. However, this is more than just a worry over your appearance, not when you mention how you need to feel this ‘control’ as you say. This sounds far deeper...I think it’d be best to seek out professional help about it. What do you say?”

* He’ll find the best therapist with a specialty on eating disorders for MC to have sessions with, and he himself will sit down with a nutritionist and learn all there is to know about how to help MC recover-how eating frequent small portions helps, how they can start slowly introducing foods they’ve been labelling as ‘bad’ into their diet for variety, and so on. He’d then transfer this ifnormation to their chef, and make sure MC receives each and every one of those meals.

* He’d make absoloutely sure to be with them for at least three meals a day. He’d refuse to leave for work until they have breakfast together, would visit MC at their workplace or ask them to join him at the office for lunch, and have dinner with them back at home, messaging them frequently to remind them to have snacks inbetween meals.

* He’ll never stop reminding them of how much he loves them, and about the amazing things their body can do, quoting facts he heard from doctors and the internet. Hel’ll make damn sure MC knows just how amazing they are, no matter what. 

SEVEN:

* This boy...he has such a shitty lifestyle lmao

* He’ll forget to eat so often, and his diet pretty much consists of junk food and soda, yet thanks to the work out he gets from missions, this dude always looks fit, and MC...they love him, but it hurts to always be comparing themselves and the amount of food they eat to their boyfriend.

* It’s a secret competition-they try and find out Seven’s eating patterns, how much he’s eaten in a day and what, and force themselves to eat less than that, no matter what

* Well, no matter how busy Seven may be, he’s always looking out for his dear MC, so it doesn’t take too long for him to realise just what they’re up to

* He’s heartbroken, and initirally thinks he might be the cause of it-has he made MC this way? Have his habits made MC think they should follow suit?

* He’ll sit them down and talk with them, ask what’s up, why they’re doing this to themselves-he might come off as agressive at first, but that’s simply how he shows his extreme concern.

* When MC explans their situation, and what they’ve been doing, Seven is conflicted. He hates that they feel this way about themselves, and hates himself even more for giving MC a bad example to follow. He’s also unsure of what exactly he can do to help.

* He cusps MC’s face between his hands and vows to help them get better, and promises he’ll also fix his bad eating habits, so that they can get better together

* Once Seven makes a promise, he means it

* He’ll immediatly throw out all of the Honey Buddha Chips in the house, much to Yoosung’s dismay, and hold MC’s hand tight in his as they go grocery shopping for healthy meals and snacks to replace HBD. He’ll look online for therapists MC can visit and discuss pros and cons with them, and he’ll even contact nutritionists to help him out.

* He’ll never miss meal times ever again. Breakfast, lunch and dinner, no matter how busy he is, he’ll be there with MC so they can eat together, and he’ll wait as long as it takes for them to finish their meal too.

* He’ll never let them hurt themself ever again.

V/JIHYUN:

* He loves MC very very much, but he’s also...a little daft when it comes to such matters.

* He genially doesn’t realise what MC has been doing, since with work and all he’s often abroad for a few days at a time, and MC always says they’ve eaten when he asks

* He does notice some weird habits MC has-how they constantly seem to be poking at themself, as if feeling for something beneath their skin, how they flinch when he tries to hug them, how they drink a lot of water and tea and coffee and never seem to want any snacks with their evening tea or anything of the sort.

* V only puts two and two together when, whilst cleaning the kitchen cupboards, he finds a box full of bottles with diet pills and metabolism boosters, most of which were half-empty.

* He’s shocked and confused-how long had MC been taking this? Was this the reason he rarely saw them eat? Has he done something to accidentantly encourage this behavior?

* He loves them so much and finds them beautiful as they are, do they not see themself the same way?

* Before talking with MC about it, he contacts his own therapist first, telling him about his findings and how worried he is for his S/O. His therapist gives him some important information on eating diisorders that V wouldn’t have thought of otherwise-how it’s never just about weight and appearance, how it might not even be simply restricting, how just telling MC to eat healthier might not help at all.

* With new information at hand, V takes MC out to a park where they can sit together in the quiet summer afternoon and watch the sun set. There he takes a hold of their hand and tells them how much he loves them, and how he never wants to see them suffer, and that he’s noticed behaviors that worry him and make him think it’d be best for MC to seek professional help.

* He’ll be gentle and discreet, and allow MC to slowly tell him all there is to say about their eating disorder and habits, he’ll let them cry on his shoulder and even cry with them, unable to see them in pain, and vow to help in any way he can.

* He introduces them to his own therapist, who in turn refers MC to an eating disorders specialist, and V is there for them after every session, holding them tight and giving them all the encouragement he can.

* He’ll never miss meal times, and when he’s abroad he’ll videocall MC to make sure they’ve eaten at least something, and he’ll send them encouraging messages throughout the day

* He just wants them to be their best, healthiest self, and he’ll be there for them through it all

hi, your local med student and fellow mentally ill aunty here, to remind you that if you’re suffering from a menal illness and/or eating disorder, please don’t be afraid to seek professional help! no matter what your brain tells you, you’re always worthy of help and you should never be afraid of asking for it-you deserve a good quality of life, always! 

-send me a mystic messenger headcanon/scenario for the characters to react to!-

[sapphireharrie]

an anchor

the one where she puts her life on hold for him.

It has been two weeks since Harry’s home and Y/N has been really sensitive with everything since then. Harry knows better not to get in her way because she’s been so snarky. It has happened before and Harry usually tried to cheer her up, but this time he’s also tired. He came home to be with his girl, but all she did was trying to keep her distance. This Y/N usually happened when she’s in her highest level of stress, she has this habit of pressing down whatever she’s feeling to the point where she can’t hold it anymore and then she finally explodes.

Y/N is that person you know that when she wants something, she has to get it. It has been one of the main things that she always knows since she was little. She’s a law student, a good one, actually. Always wanted to be a lawyer since she was around 7 years old, after watching legally blonde. Y/N knows the consequences that she had to face when she and Harry first started up their relationship, there are some sacrifices that she has to make. Y/N and Harry met through Jeff’s girlfriend, Glenne, who happens to be one of Y/N’s closest friends in Uni. Glenne has graduated a year before her, that is when she finally realized that she has been putting her life on hold. She took a year off when she and Harry’s relationship started getting more serious. A bit foolish, looking back now. But unlike her, Harry’s solo career has taken off in a blink of an eye. What about hers? She’s been stuck in the same cycle over and over again to the point where she thinks that maybe, just maybe, Harry is her anchor, but not in a good way. Everyone knows how people have their own human anchor that keeps them down in a good way, but not this one, this doesn’t feel like that. She feels like Harry is the reason why she’s going nowhere, he feels like an anchor that keeps her drowning, and gosh, she just wanted to swim.  

She started Uni, again, a year later, but she has missed a lot of classes because she needs to be there for Harry, which affects her GPA a lot. Some of her professors have contacted her about her GPA; saying that if she wanted an intern in their firm, she has to be more serious and her sole focus has to be one goal only; being a lawyer.

***

“Do you want to eat out tonight? I’ve been wanting Nobu for a while now.” Harry started the conversation after they sat there in the sofa for twenty minutes without saying anything, Y/N with her laptop on her lap and Harry is just sitting there in a silent, legs up on the table, and watching her typing since then.

“Can’t, have to finish up my assignments due in two days,” she said without looking up from the laptop,

“We haven’t been catching up since I’m home, love, you’ve been so busy lately,” he continued, and finally found the courage to move his seat next to her, “I said, I can’t, H. This is important.” She said finally looking at him when he moved beside her,

“Well, okay, do you want me to buy you anything for dinner? Maybe some smoothies?” he asked, again, trying to make some conversation, or maybe just trying to look after her,

“I don’t know, maybe I’ll just make some later,” she tried to stop the conversation because to be fair, she doesn’t feel like talking, not to anyone, not to him. The realization of what she’s been doing to her own self just ate her up to the point where she thinks that even just taking a minute to talk is just going to waste her time even more,

“You know, don’t worry about me, if you want Nobu, go. Ask Jeff or someone to come with you, you have lots of friends, don’t you? Go talk to them.” She said, getting up and walked to their room without even looking back to Harry. Harry sat there calmly, he saw this coming actually, that’s what she has been doing since he came home, snapping at everything he said. He sighed and lay his head on the sofa for a while, he’s tired. He’s tired physically and mentally, which the latter one usually can easily be cured by her presence, but now it seems like she might be the reason for it.

He then decided to also walk to their room, trying to maybe talk it out after she finishes her assignment. She was laying on the bed with her phone when Harry walked to the room,

“I’m going out with Sarah tonight,” she said without looking away from her phone. Harry was startled because when he asked for dinner together she said that she has to finish her assignment and told him to go out with his friends and now she’s the one going out with his band member,

“Thought you said you wanted to finish your assignment?” he walked to her side, looking down to her,

“I finished already, thought you wanted to go out with the guys.” She said casually, not looking at her phone once more,

“Come on, love. Are you avoiding me or something? We haven’t talked with each other since I came home, it seems like either you always have assignments or you’re going out with some friends. I need to be with you for more than two minutes, please?” He sat down beside her, trying to reach out to her hands,

“I know, but I already made plans with them for months ago, Harry. You didn’t even tell me you were going home before and I can’t cancel my plans with them just because you’re suddenly home.” She runs her hand to her hair, getting frustrated because she knows too damn well where the conversation is going,

“But, I’m not always home, aren’t I? Why can’t you just make time for me for a little bit?” He asked again, trying to come up with better words,

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you,” she stood up from her bed, facing him, “I can’t make time for you for a little bit?” she raised her voice and for a second Harry was startled because he didn’t mean for this conversation to turn into an argument,

“What? I’m right, aren’t I? Because now whenever I have free time you’re never home, or you’re always preoccupied with something. You know how my schedule is, how can you not make time for me even for just a day, with me? Love, I’m going away, again, tomorrow. I’m not going to see you for another two months for my second album release.” He’s now getting as frustrated as she is, standing up so that they can be even now, looking eye to eye. This is the longest they’ve talked since he’s home,

“Oh no, don’t you dare pull out that ‘I’m so busy with my schedule because I’m a musician’ thing to me, Styles. How dare you say something like that when every time you’re gone to another country for months all I did was wait for you to come home and open my arms the second you arrived. When you work in your studios all the freaking time, how dare you say that when every time you’re home I made dinner for you and you didn’t even come home, because you’re in your studios all the damn time. How dare you say that I don’t make time for you when the second our relationship has gotten serious, I took a year off from Uni for you. Don’t pin this on me when it hasn’t been fair for me. This, whatever it is you’re doing to me, H, it isn’t love. You don’t do that to someone you love.” There it was, she finally exploded, and Harry was furious with whatever words that came from her mouth, he didn’t know why he was so mad, maybe because she was right, maybe because he hasn’t been the best boyfriend in the world, but he tried. God, he tried.

“What if you’re in my position? Would you take a year off of your career to help mine? To wait for me, cook up dinner for me which ended up with me calling you to tell you that I can’t make it for dinner because something came on the firm, and then you eat your now cold dinner alone wondering what the hell am I doing to myself? Not even for all that, would you hold off your career just to be there for me? To be there for every mental breakdown that I’m going to have before every exams and trial? Would you? No, because we’re talking about you here, your time is worth so much more than mine, am I right?” she continued when she saw Harry freezes in his place,

“What? So, you want me to hold off my second album to make time for you? Is that what you want?” he finally opens his mouth, “Is this what this all about? Because my career is better than yours? I never asked you to hold your Uni, you did that out of nowhere. What? And now you’re jealous because you just realized that you’re going nowhere and my career has been better than yours? Is that what it is?” he shook his head in disbelief,

“I’m not talking with you until you realized what you just said, H. You’re upset, I’m gonna go now, I’ll come back for the part where you beg me to forgive you.” She said, taking her car keys and purse,

“I’m breaking up with you, then. I can’t be with someone that thinks my success is her failure or whatever it is,” he then took his wallet with him, both of them decided to maybe walking away is the better choice,

“Oh no, you don’t. Don’t you see I’ve been cooking up dinner for someone who’s not even there? bustin’ my ass for someone who didn’t even care to come home? You can’t do that to me. If we’re going to break up, you don’t get to be the one that break things up. I am. I’m leaving.” She then proceeds to go to their closet, taking the closest luggage that she can reach and packed all of her stuff that she can keep in there, Harry was just standing there looking at her in once again, disbelief. If that’s what she wants, then that’s what he’ll give her.

“Good then, leave my key on the nightstand, don’t let the door hit you on your way out,” he pointed to his side of the nightstand. Next time you’re looking for someone, why don’t you go for a high school graduate that just got into college? Maybe you wouldn’t be so jealous of them since you’re already ahead of them.” He snapped and then walking out of the door.

*** 

Harry 2:15am I know you were mad at me and I just hope you didn’t mean what you said to me about how I didn’t love you. I know that I haven’t been the best boyfriend but one thing that you shouldn’t have question from me is my love for you, because everything that I ever did was for you and us in the future–when there was still a future for us. Hope you’re well. H

Harry 5:47am and I also made an album about and for you.

[og-danny-dorito]

Hannibal Lecter Headcanons

(my gay ass over here thirsting over a godamned cannibal, why did god create this walking disaster of horniness and unbridled depression)

S F W :

- as you may know, Hannibal Lecter is a man no short of expectations, a walking spectacle of perfection itself on the surface but a complicated being underneath to test the limits of what a monster really means

- he smokes

- while he's not an avid chain smoker he does do it every once in a while, like after killing someone who was particularly difficult or pondering something that requires deep thought

- he understands if you don't smoke or don't want to have him smoking around you, he'd rather be polite than give into whatever desire he's feeling. he can't stand the shitty ones though, they're just nasty

- he's had a lot of lovers in his life, but he only remembers vividly the few that did not try to change some of his habits out of fear

- he doesn't feel much emotion at all, but that doesn't mean he doesn't feel

- although he may not admit it, he wants to be accepted by whoever he cares for over all else. this can tie back to his sister, although he barely feels it since when he was a very young man, not long after her death. he'd rather feel needed, wanted really. but this is only felt in certain moments, such as sitting in silence in a room with someone or watching their movements as they do basic actions that's can entail deeper meanings

- he's very, very good at body language and how to interpret it (obviously) and how to deal with social situations

- as a physiologist he's seen a lot of different mental cases, states of mind, viewpoints, problems, etc. and so being in a relationship with someone who might have something along those lines is literally not a problem (i mean he technically fell in love with will so-)

- I mean it's his job, so he knows how to calm down someone having a panic attack in no time, but if it'ssomeone closer to him he may have a moment of concern before dealing with it accordingly

- feelings aren't exactly something he's used to, for the most part so it'll freak him out a little if he finds himself caring for someone fairly easily. of course he still feels, it's just not as intense as it used to be. it's partially why he “slips” easily when there's a particular event with someone he genuinely cares about, leaving him in a slightly shocked state of acting upon instinct before treating it like anything else

- he's very self controlled, both physically and mentally

- I headcanon that when he was a teenager/young adult (watch Hannibal Rising to get what I mean) he was much less in control of what he felt in that moment. for instance, crying when Lady Murasaki told him to forgive the men he was intending to kill. it must've hurt to have someone so close to him be so disgusted with him like that

- this can also mean that he only feels afflicted emotionally by those he's very close to. lovers not really, but people he considers as those he needs to be up to a particular standard to outside of the realm of decency? it hurts when you look at him like you're scared of him, dissaproving of what he's doing as if you're negating his efforts

- he cares about you, only you

- seriously, there's not much he genuinely cares about enough to want to keep safe for all eternity, but you're his everything. you're not just some fucktoy, you're a person, a mind, and he wants to control and watch you tick like a clock he intends to take apart and rebuild. seriously, he just wants you to love him as much as he loves you

- it's very likely that you were kidnapped against your will

- he doesn't want a partner he can control, or minipulate easily without a serious challenge. he's not much of a sadist, but he'd like to see you strain under whatever kindof inflictions he's dealing mentally. he wants to see you resist, try to fight back. it's no time any fun to dissect something that's fragile and weak

- like Michael Myers (Aka: 100% That Bitch) he wants someone strong and full of courage, someone he can see fighting for the innocent or fighting to protect something till the end of the line. your courage is what really gets to him, the fact that you won't let anyone run over you regardless of who they are

- your fighting spirit also gets him just a little bit exited when you talk back to him or snap at him when he's angry with you just an fyi

- anyway back to the less horny shit

- this may seem off topic but do you remember when deadpool’s creator said he was “pansexual” by giving a really bad definition for it and lowkey seeming kindof ignorant on what being pansexual is?

- Hannibal is sort of like that pansexual, but think of him as only liking someone when it's convenient. usually he only pretends to be romantically interested in someone because it gains him the upper hand, both males and females, but down to his core he's probably not capable of falling in love with someone unless he seriously, genuinely means it. so far this has only been males and females (cough cough lady murasaki, will graham, etc. cough cough)

- for him to genuinely love someone you need to first love him platonically, actually giving off the feeling of really caring for his wellbeing, even if he does eat people. unless he doesn't really like you prior to having you love him, he'll end up finding himself drawn to you

- it's very rare that he'll love someone first, but in the instance he does it'll probably end in a Stockholm Syndrome sort of thing where you end up loving him eventually. it's kindof dogmatic, but I mean that's just how it is. he's an intelligent psychopath with an understand of humans’ brain patterns. do you really not expect him to use that to his advantage?

- if you do expect it tho and you're still into that then you may just be a horny bastard dude idk what to tell u

- phsycially id suspect that he'd want someone who physically is weaker than him. it's a reminder of sorts, that he still has power over you no matter what. if you're shorter he's definitely into that too but this doesn't mean he isn't into beefcakes

- tbh, he kindof likes a rugged sort of look on someone. while he does like to feel powerful, he also enjoys being able to have a worthy opponent. scars are also fascinating to him. to him it's almost like art, precious and unique in their own way. plus, he himself said they were reminders of the past, so they must have good stories attached to them

- oOO ppl in suits are nice too. like godam dude if you walk up wearing a nice suit looking all clean cut n shit there's a 100% chance you're getting rawed before you can even walk out the door

- in his free time, he'd rather spend time with you above all else. simply having you in the room is nice for him, regardless of how busy he is. if he's working he'd prefer you on his lap or sitting right next to him

- physical affection is something he's actually pretty damn good with, considering his hand is almost always on you. you can think of this as one of his Jedi mind tricks to let you know you're his, but he's kindof shy about it in public the first time

- but his shyness changes once he sees that if his hand isn't directly on you people...gawk at you. and he HATES that

- you'll feel a sudden hand fly to your waist, pulling you closer as he seems not to even register what he's doing. you squeak

- “h-hey! What was that for?”

- “Should I have asked permission first, or do you like the roughness?”

- “Is this because that guy was looking at me too much?”

- “...are you implying that I'm jealous?”

- “Oh my god-”

- yeah, he’ll deny it when asked if he's being jealous, but he is. he's very, very jealous and very very possessive. of course he's already pretty well composed, and he's a master at hiding his facial expressions, but that doesn't mean he won't quirk a brow or exhale slowly if you're being provoked in any way shape or form. expect the person who was annoying you to be gone. but don't worry about their suspicious dissapearence, instead sit down and have dinner! he's serving a nice pot pie with some Brussels sprouts and whatever other side dish you want! where'd the meat come from? that's not important, just relax

- he's sure he made the person more exquisite now that you actually enjoy them without having to talk to them

- oh! he obviously does most of the cooking, but if you can cook he's definitely up to critique and give you advice. of course you can only use his cuts of meat, and he'd much rather help you with cooking than let you do all the work. domestically he's the perfect partner since he's already fairly good at living on his own, and prefers to take care of others rather than get taken care of

- idealy he'd like to go out to a nice place to eat for a date, or just spending some time alone with you in front of the fire is fine with him. as long as you're near him. he dislikes places where there's too many people or just not a good area of town to be in in the first place, but honestly he's always been inclined to things that reek of upper class or fancy themes

- he loves to spoil you too, buying you nice things or nice clothes and making you wear them almost all the time. he doesn't really expect anything in return, but if you can't figure out a gift that's within your paycheck you can always make him something or pay him in - EHEM - other ways (you know what I mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )

- although it's kindof sad, he's got a lot of ptsd from when he was a child. of course he's not open to talking about it, but just staying with him when he has a nightmare or placing your hands on his waist when he's in that state will calm him down in no time, although it's very rare 

- he'd never hurt you, but he can grow a bit distant at times when he's particularly angry. if your relationship is more manipulative, he might resort to mental abuse as a way to keep you in line. but it's unlikely you'll even be living for very long if that's what your relationship is

- hannibal’s a man of few words, so he may not say I love you very often. he means it though when he does, although it's hard to get out the first time

- he's a one of a kind lover outside of the whole killing people thing, so once you actually get used to his cannibalistic ways and meet all his standards so as not to hurt you, expect to be treated like a queen/king that even outshines the greatest nobles. you are his, and it will take divine intervention from Satan himself to keep you apart as far as he's concerned

[mcrmadness]

Feeling like some underlying anxiety needs to get out so here we go...

Hi. I have generalized anxiety disorder. Usually it’s behaving just fine and usually I get along with it. I just overly worry about things, I overthink and I can have minor anxiety attacks because of that. Sometimes I get bigger anxiety attacks but usually I’m able to get over them on my own. Sometimes I’m not. However, yesterday evening and last night were the worst in a long time.

I was triggered by something and my violent intrusive thoughts came back. In my case it means I start to worry about going insane and that I would do something terrible and later regret it. Something that I would never ever want to do! And I don’t actually think I would even be capable of anything like that which is why it makes it so terrifying because I’m literally afraid of falling into a psychosis. And I have never had a psychosis. And I don’t know if it’s just my mind shattering into pieces or my GAD just acting out, making me worried that I would go insane. (If you think of it, I’ve never been actually sane tho :D)

I was able to push these intrusive thoughts away by avoiding the thing that triggered me and I tried to do something else instead but since they are intrusive thoughts, they still keep popping up. I hate the images they create into my head.

Eventually I got super tired and decided to go to sleep and while I was in my bed, I felt it again. The anxiety attack taking over. At some point I had some sort of chronic anxiety and I was in that kind of state 24/7 but I’m pretty sure it was because I was quitting antidepressants and I was eating those with a very low dose, trying to get rid of them. And I had had something “traumatic” happen to me too (first time getting actual suicidal thoughts but in form of intrusive thoughts which meant I just felt so terrible I wanted it to stop and at the same time being terrified of doing something terrible because I still did not want to die! I have never wanted to die, I’ve more of been afraid of it. The reason for this was me just being under so much stress and not eating nor drinking enough + I had been lowering the dose of the meds so drastically at the same time that my brains could not take it all.) which probably caused the anxiety to kinda stick.

I’m actually really scared of the feeling of not feeling good and wanting everything to stop because I literally have no idea what to do with that and it causes me even more anxiety. It’s terrible. I have had these moments several times in my life and they have been really traumatizing. I am someone who cannot tolerate not feeling good, which is probably stupid because life isn’t that perfect ever? Anyway, I always start to feed it with something, basically “self-medicate”, usually literally feeding aka the first thing I start to do when I start feeling bad is to start eating. That often helps, maybe because food gives us endorphines anyway, but also because I often link it to low blood sugar which can has very similar symptoms to anxiety and I have had a hard time telling them apart too, having really bad obsession with my blood sugar levels (I don’t have diabetes, that’s why I call it “mental diabetes”) and I’m pretty sure I have even gained weight because of eating for “low blood sugar” which was just chronic anxiety or me getting anxiety from the idea of not having access to food in case of low-blood sugar aka anxiety attack. When I started to carry around these “fructose pills” and realized that I can eat whenever I want and it’s no one else’s business if I eat something in public (which is sometimes actually really hard with social anxiety, especially in quiet environments), no one even cares! So just having these with me (I literally have them everywhere, even in my bathroom if I’d need them while in the shower) helped so much that I don’t really even need them. It helps to know I have access to something that will increase my blood sugar levels if needed prevents the anxiety attacks and I don’t need to constantly eat because I’d be afraid of not being able to eat.

So since you know how I often eat when I have anxiety and it often helps too, the worst type of anxiety is what does not go away with food. Because then I’m again in this place: not feeling good but not having any idea how to feel good again! I’m afraid of this because... can you get traumas from your own old defeated depression? Anyway, I’m always afraid of the depression coming back. It was terrible time and I was feeling so terrible so often and that’s why I’m super scared of having to face those feels again. That all ended when I was 17, sitting in the kitchen, again feeling so terrible. I still can remember having low blood sugar - this time probablly FOR REAL because I barely ever ate nor slept because I was never hungry and sleeping felt like a waste of time, so I lost weight but I did not see that either. Until one day I looked at the mirror and realized I was quite skinny and I got so bad case of anxiety that I felt like eating fucking everything from the house because I had always been so determined that I, I do not have an eating disorder! And I did not understand when people said I have lost weight and my parents even were worried that I would have an eating disorder. But I was just so... I knew about eating disorders, I never felt fat and I never felt like losing weight so I was always really shocked and annoyed by people saying that because I had no problems with my self-esteem whatsoever. And so when I realized I had been losing weight, I got so scared by that and I literally wanted to gain weight in one night and I started obsessively eat that night because it was so damn scary to see myself be that skinny. I don’t really think I was underweight tho, but I sure was malnourished since I ate basically never. And I was drinking lots of coffee because it made me laugh.

But yeah, I remember that one night when I was again have one of these “low blood sugar episodes” where I would just feel sick and sit in the kitchen or toilet meanwhile feeling like vomiting and trying to eat something to feel better again. And I had one of these anxiety attacks too and I was just staring at the shadows on the rug and I remember to thinking to myself how I started to feel the old depression to come back. I could feel it approaching and the same stuff from couple of years earlier coming through. And I just thought myself that this has to stop, I can’t live like this anymore. And the next day I told my mom that I’m not feeling good anymore and I need to see a doctor and that I agree on even trying on antidepressants for this, I just need this feeling to be gone. And so did happen too, I ate them for 5 years until I quit at the age of 22.

I have that feeling still so strongly in my memory that I’m always afraid of it coming back. It’s just so terrifying feeling because I feel totally helpless and that I can no longer help myself. That is why I always start to have anxiety attacks when I don’t eat properly. I’m sure this was one of the reasons to trigger last night’s episode because I have been eating so badly cos I have had no energy nor inspiration for cooking. My sleeping schedule is again doing whatever the fuck it wants and I’m again not taking care of myself. Every time this happens that I don’t shower, at properly or start to stop care about my sleeping habits, I start to fall into that dark place. Or not really fall into there, but this kind of behaviour reminds me of it so much I start having anxiety attacks until I get my shit together, go to shower and eventually cook a real meal. I think I got my low blood sugar anxiety only so that I remember to eat. As a kid I always had trouble knowing when I need to eat because I either was never hungry or I “felt hungry” all the time but had no appetite, so I usually ate when I was offered food but I never ate because I would be hungry. A few times I ate because I started shaking and knew to tell my mom I need to eat. But usually I just ate because there was lunch or dinner or because it was a habit for me to get a snak (usually toast) when I came home from school and watch tv while eating. So the food anxiety in my head is like the adult telling me that you haven’t been eating in a while, here, take food.

I often think how good it is that I am a teetotaler. I’m very sure that if I ever drank alcohol, I would be an alcoholic. I once saw on TV how someone was talking about his alcoholism and that he drinks because it makes him numb. And I realized that it’s really good I’ve never been into alcohol because I would probably self-medicate too so strongly I’d probably never be sober because I’d just try to make myself numb. In a way this is also interesting because so many people become numb because of their depression, in my case I definitely am not numb, I just feel shit and I am aware of that and I’d rather be numb than feel that! But I guess if you feel shit for long enough, you eventually will get used to it and become numb... in a way that happened to me too but sometimes the awful feeling woke up anyway and made me feel like I want it to go away. Maybe me being highly sensitive person just makes that feel even stronger and therefore unbearable, idk... (I don’t have depression right now, but I definitely have had and I feel like I am one of those people who could fall back into depression any minute and that’s why I try to take care of myself to prevent that from happening. My depression is also a secretive type, just like the one when I was 17, I thought it went away but I was telling myself so and I had a hidden depression for 1,5 years before I figured it out. And still only after starting with the meds I realized how I was NOT fine!)

Last night I felt that again and my thought are always “no, not this shit again!!!” and I actually fell asleep but I just felt the anxiety raging all over in my body. A few hours later I woke up to go to the toilet and I was also covered in sweat and my blanket and everything were so so so wet. At that moment I actually felt a lot better tho, calmer and when I went back to sleep, I felt like I had “dreamed away” that anxiety. Anyway, I woke up again couple of hours again but the anxiety was back, maybe also low blood sugar (the real one this time) as I was shaking and feeling nauseous. I’m still feeling slightly nauseous and weird even tho I have been eating, but writing REALLY helps me with these things every time. I guess the intrusive thoughts are not that strong anymore which is great, so maybe this is just the aftermath anxiety. Sometimes it can last for a very long time. The last time I had this was when a few years ago MCR uploaded all the uncut versions of their music videos to their YT channel and I was watching those and boom, suddenly they triggered my anxiety because I was watching their dvd literally 24/7, it was on always when I was awake, because I used it as a background noise to hide away my own anxiety. So seeing those videos be on repeat triggered anxiety that lasted for like a few weeks :D But I got over it. (And I still love MCR, they helped me with so many things, I wouldn’t get triggered by the videos if they did not help me!!!)

But I need to shower now, finally. I’m meeting with the neuropsychiatric trainer in an hour so at least I can talk about this with someone. But I can already feel a lot calmer now, even tho I have some small snippets of anxiety going around the whole time but it might also be because I realized that the Apulanta gig will already be on NEXT FRIDAY.

[cjxkpopxwriting]

Extra Stuffing - Sinday Drabble

Taehyung x American Reader - 🔥💕

Note: This is purely self indulgent and I didn’t have anything for Tae on the list yet! There is definitely some humor and hopefully some enjoyable smut. The other members do make an appearance. Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

Note note: omg this was longer than expected. I was hella sick for the last two days, but here it is. Hope everyone had a good holiday!

-

So far, the guys seemed to enjoy Your American traditions. Everything from exchanging valentines all the way to hunting for colored eggs and even stealing kisses under mistletoe. You hadn’t had the chance to subject them to the wild day of over eating and taking naps and shopping online yet, however, and it was that time of year. “Kookie, you better get out of the kitchen! I swear if you stole another-“

The Maknae gave you a sheepish, deviled egg grin as he swiped the remaining filling off the edge of his lip and tilted his head. His English had greatly improved, though it still had an adorable accent and fumble to it that made you grin as he quickly apologized. You still didn’t know why he had to speak in English when you had learned Korean. “Noona, I’m so sorry. These egg... things are... so good. We need more.” You nodded, shooing his large frame out of the kitchen only to be pushed back in by another large frame.

Taehyung didn’t care too much to apologize to Jungkook as he shoved him aside for you, only giving the younger man a playful eyebrow waggle, his eyes going up in that silly face he made before he grabbed the ladle from the crock pot to pour himself another cup of apple cider. “This is good. But... I’m afraid I’m going to drink it all.” They were all in and out of the kitchen now, examining the plates you had assembled. Jin and Yoongi were really the only ones allowed since they cooked the most, but it seemed the smells were too much for the others to resist. “Don’t drink it all or you’re gonna be sick, Tae.”

He shrugged, and after eyeing you for a long moment, he retreated. Things had been different between the two of you. Stolen glances, less than innocent flirting and suggestive gestures. You had always known he could be down right dirty, keeping up with even Jimin and Namjoon, but lately it seemed he’d fallen into a habit of making you blush. Earlier, when you’d been found searching the cupboards, he’d all but given you a heart attack when his hand slid up the inside of your thigh to support you.

Originally, you’d passed it off as a caring gesture, one he’d do for any of the guys as well, but the rush of desire that came when he actually hefted you off the counter when you found the can of corn spoke otherwise. Maybe you were projecting your desire for him, but you couldn’t help but feel your body heat when his gaze left you to disappear under his lush lashes. Why did he have to look so damn good?

Could you just eat him for dinner?

“Namjoon!”

The scuffle in the dining area and several mumbled apologies from Namjoon alerted you right out of your wandering thoughts, making you gasp as you narrowly dodged burning yourself on a hot casserole dish. “What happened?” Tae came rushing in to pull off his shirt, the warm drink he’d just served himself staining the front of the white sweater. “Oh no.” You rushed to him, wiping the sticky liquid from his chest with a wet dishtowel before you looked his shirt over. “Go wash it according to the directions. It should be ok if you do it fast.”

He had frozen in place, missing your command while he gawked at your hands on his abdomen and chest. There had been several times the two of you had touched, but never like this that he could think of. Your touch was soft and careful, like you were somehow concerned over him being burned, though he was sure it hadn’t been quite that hot. “Noona, it’s ok.” As your eyes lifted to his, you finally snapped out of it to realize what the hell you were doing. “Oh! Sorry... uhm. Hurry! Dinner is ready.”

Aside from Namjoon, who was cleaning up the spill, you asked the others for help as Tae backed away toward the laundry room, and thanked the heat of the kitchen to explain your flushed face. The guys did not need to know that you were crushing on Taehyung. It would... be disastrous. “Careful, guys.” Hoseok and Jungkook placed your perfectly roasted bird on the table and you clapped your hands. “Oh my god, Norman Rockwell would be impressed. TAE! Put a shirt on and come sit for a picture.”

And so you could fucking breathe again.

The guys sat while Jungkook set his camera up on a delay, rushing back to his seat beside Jimin before he held up two fingers as they posed. The flash of the camera saved the moment in time as you let Jin cut the turkey, the others digging into the dishes. Green bean casserole, candied yams, dressing, salad, potato salad, mashed potatoes, rice (per their request), macaroni and cheese, deviled eggs, kimchi that Jin and Jungkook demanded, pumpkin pie, apple pie, and a caramel cheesecake, what was left of the cider, Soju, beer, soda, gravy, ham, and rolls.

If this wasn’t a carb load, you didn’t know what would be. They better be energized after this and ready to go... though the turkey might slow them down. “So... most of these are things I am used to eating at my own family gatherings. But we added some of your things so everything is balanced! Eat up!” You didn’t have to speak twice, the seven men around you stuffing their faces. Animated chatter had you distracted, but a tap against your shin made you turn to look at Tae, who offered you a bite of ham, rice, and kimchi. “Noona, this is good. Try.” You took the bite, the smirks around the table missed by your eyes.

Tae had voiced his interest in you several times with his members, but he had never really imagined you were going to even come close to reciprocating until now. The blushing cheeked glances and giggles and touches spoke volumes to him about your comfort with him, and he was not afraid to use that to his advantage. “Wow. That... the kimchi... it totally made that better!” Tae nodded and laughed softly, taking a sip of his cider as he eyed you over the rim of the cup.

If you could actually melt... you would’ve.

Between reminding Jungkook to chew his food fully so he didn’t choke and coordinating how to have them put whipped topping on their pie without unloading an entire can on their hands for a trick video for tik tok or their mouths to just eat it, dinner was rather entertaining. Eventually, the tryptophan started to kick in, however, Yoongi being the first one to retreat for a nap. Jungkook and Jimin had attempted to watch a movie while digesting, luring Namjoon and Jin in before they were all snoring.

Hoseok was able to help clean up before he retreated too, and you were sure you’d seen Tae disappear to his room. “Thank you Hobi!” He nodded and shuffled out, leaving you alone. Or at least you thought you were. Humming softly, you began putting the bit of leftovers away, leaning into the fridge. You closed it and turned only to immediately press back into the cool metal, Tae’s face right in front of you. “Kim Taehyung... where do you get off thinking you can just-“

The hungry kiss was not expected. How had he even just snuck up on you?! His lips were needy, working yours open to plunge his tongue past, leaving your reeling. Nope, this was not real. You had simply fell into a post feast day dream. There was no way you were playing tonsil hockey with Tae. But you had to let yourself enjoy it, moaning into the kiss as you threaded your fingers into his messy hair. Being lifted from the floor, you wrapped your legs around his waist and let him carry you, hiding your face in his neck when he proudly toted you past the snoring pile of men on the couch.

Maybe it wasn’t a dream?

The click of his door shutting as he shuffled with you in his arms pulled you from his neck, and he laid you down, lips finding yours again as he climbed between your legs. “You’ve been torturing me all day... and months before that. How am I supposed to keep my hands to myself?” He spoke softly against your lips before he opened his eyes, meeting your gaze. “I... Tae...” He worried for a second if he had read the signals wrong...

But then your hands pushed his new sweater up his back and he groaned softly when you nipped his bottom lip. “I’m still hungry... for you.” If that wasn’t the way to melt your panties you were sure the slick between your thighs was arousal for him then. His left hand pulled your body tight against his, right arm switching as he rotated out of his sweater you so insistently tugged over his head. “Tell me this is what you wanted... tell me I wasn’t wrong.” He was practically begging you to reinforce your attraction to him, and you whimpered and nodded.

Not satisfied, Tae caught your jaw in gentle fingertips, eyebrow raised as if he was waiting for you to clarify. “I... yes. I want you, Tae. God, I want you.” That was all he needed to hear, it seemed, his kiss feeling like it would swallow you up. Who knew he’d be this intense? Well, based off of Singularity, you should’ve known. His hands left your hips to tug your longer sweater dress off your body and over your head. You laid beneath him now in only leggings, leg warmers, and your underwear.

Long, delicate fingers traced the lace detail on your baby pink bra before they dipped up and inward to map out the swell of your cleavage. “Fuck... I can’t believe this... look at you.” He seemed beside himself and you blushed under his gaze, eyes tracing his features. He had gained a lot of muscle over the last few months, looking absolutely delectable. Your tongue and teeth were practically itching to trace every inch of him. And dammit... you meant every inch.

He called you up with the waggle of his fingers before he reached behind you to undo your bra. It took a moment, and he laughed in his frustration before you helped him, his laugh softening against your lips. “I’ve dreamed of this moment, baby. Making you mine... showing you how you make me feel.” His deep voice left you vibrating under him, pressing closer wherever you could for contact. His fingers hooked under the tack of your bra and tugged, freeing your chest from its prison. You didn’t miss the little inhale he did as he laid eyes on you.

Your mind could have never imagined being the reason for Tae’s undoing. He looked so enraptured by just looking at you, but acted like a man starved as he kissed between them, over the soft mound of each as well, before he swirled a nipple with that skillful tongue of his and then all but swallowed it up. The sound you made was probably just as unbelievable because you were sure you didn’t sound like a damn pornstar. “God... Tae...”

He felt the need in your pleading words and use of his name, deft fingertips already shedding your leggings and panties right along with them. He needed to feel you. Instantly greeted by your slick arousal, he groaned and pulled back to watch his fingers work you into a panting frenzy. “That’s all because of me? Damn baby, I should’ve made a move a long time ago... fuck, look at you.” You wished you could. For now, you’d have to take his word for it. “Ah... mhmm, like that.”

“I’ll taste you fully another day baby. Right now I need to fill you up.” He sucked his fingers clean so lewdly that you clenched around nothing, dazed and needy as he stripped off his jeans and boxers. Jimin hadn’t lied. Tae was impressive on all accounts. He was perfectly thick, longer than you’d expected, and the softest dusty pink you had ever imagined. Any other day you might’ve sobbed and begged to suck him off. But right now... you needed him buried to the hilt inside you.

“Condom?”

You almost missed the question, and you sputtered to life, fingers reaching to touch him as you kissed his lips. “No, I’m a big girl. I come protected thanks to Mirena.” He blinked and you laughed. “Sorry... birth control.” Finally understanding, you squeaked when he launched forward, scooping you up to drag you up the bed, before he dipped between your thighs and wasted not another second in connecting your bodies.

You’d never felt so full. So whole. So... stuffed.

“Oh my god.”

He grunted when you grappled with his body, trying to hang on somehow when he thrusted. It was so much all at once that you made a ridiculous attempt to catch your breath at the same time it was being forced out of you. “Are you ok?” He whimpered, his next thrust gentler as you nodded. Your Head was too far gone to form sentences, so you inhaled softly, able to breathe again, and stroked his face. “I’m fine... so big. Fuck.” His smirk was your only warning before he snapped his hips again, with gusto, earning frantic noises from your lips before he tried to silence them with a kiss.

“You’re so fucking tight... damn.”

You were vaguely aware of his arm over you, gripping the headboard so it didn’t hit the wall. Legs hitched up higher, your brain spiraled down into pleasure as he let himself go, fucking you into the mattress. His pace was almost bruising, the poor man having been driven insane over the last few months, wanting you but not knowing if he could have you. Gasping your praises as he pushed you over the edge, you caught the perfect sight of Taehyung losing his mind over how you clenched around him through your blurry vision.

“Fuck baby, that’s it... take it.”

He was so damn dirty, and you loved it. Feeling him empty himself into you after a handful of stuttering thrusts, you fell limp under him, only to be scooped up and held close. Taehyung groaned as he laid back in his bed, letting you straddle him. Hot kisses spread up your throat and along your jaw before he kissed you in a much softer way, almost lazy and indulgent. “I promise I’ll go softer in round two baby... I just couldn’t wait...” you found your words as you laughed, pulling from his lips to look him in the eye. “Wait for what?” His smirk told you something dirty was coming, and he snorted. “You know... like you said about the turkey...” He chuckled at your face, and licked his lips.

“You said it needed extra stuffing.”

[fuckingconversations]

I'm sorry if you've been asked this before, but your ADHD post really hit home with me. Does it ever get better? I've felt like that all my life, and I'm starting a course, not the first I've tried and bailed out of due to losing interest, and I'm..Scared, you know? I feel like half a person, or I'm acting with a limiter on my brain. Does anything help?

- @amondrask

Does it get better? – Not on its own. Left alone, ADHD tends to aim itself head-first into a garbage can or depression, anxiety, and losing hope. However! YOU can get better! There IS hope! Don’t give up!

When I wrote that post – about feeling like a liminal space, walking through the world like I was a ghost, constantly forgetting and fogging out and losing my place in the world, feeling half-dissociated from losing so much time – that was my “normal” for a long while.

It’s not my normal now.

Nowadays, two years later, there’s still a little bit of fog. A little bit of forgetting. But day to day? It’s totally different. I made a ton of little changes, failed at a lot of ‘attempted habits’ and picked up others through repetition and reminders and not giving up.

So? What helps?

For me, most of it came from a place of forgiveness. Whenever I tried to get a new habit, and missed a day, or failed a step, or dropped the ball, just… forgive it. Whoops, that happened, let’s pick it up again and keep trying. Like dropping a grape when you’re making a fruit salad – don’t give up on the whole damn fruit salad, don’t weep and gnash your teeth and linger in self-disgust until everything is rotting around you - just accept that the grape is on the floor, and either wash it off and eat it, or toss it in the trash and attend the rest of the fruit.

Mentally, ‘Forgiveness’ is where you’ve got to dial in your brain. You’re basically teaching an old dog new tricks, so you’ve gotta be ok with the dog sometimes getting bored and walking away. Give it a pat and try teaching it again in a few hours, or tomorrow. It’s ok.

Actual Habits that help me:

EXERCISE! – Probably the most common thing people suggest and then you roll your eyes at, but holy shit people suggest it for a DAMN good reason. Tbh Pokemon Go helped this discovery, and then Podcasts helped it even more. I go for a walk a couple times a week, listening to podcasts or catching the ‘mons. It’s usually about a half-hour – not a lot of time compared to the day, but loads of time for your body. Getting your heart moving, getting good chemicals flooding your brain, it helps with maintaining focus, getting started on stuff, and just feeling good about yourself.

DIET! – Junk food is great. However, it’s AWFUL at keeping your brain functioning at top potential. I’d recommend doing your own research on good ADHD diets, but I personally found a lot of good in limiting carbs, and focusing my diet on meats and vegetables. (Plus cooking for myself means an easier time keeping to a budget)

SMALL CHANGES! – Big changes just never ‘stuck’ for me. I’d forget. Small decisions, made independently, obeyed for a week or two before adding another change – those build up and become big changes. For instance:

“I like this bowl. This is going to be my keys bowl, where I always put my keys when I get home. If I see keys not in the bowl, they go in the bowl!”

“I’m going to put my shoes by this shelf. This Is the shoe-shelf now. If I’m indoors my shoes better be on the shelf!”

“I’m going to be early to work. Every day this week I’m going to arrive 10 minutes early.”

“If I want something on Amazon, I’ll put it on my wishlist, not my shopping cart.”

“I have 2 credit cards. This one is for ESSENTIALS like real food and gas and fixing my car. This other one is for play junk, because it has a tiny credit limit. If I want a pile of felting wool, or a trilobite fossil, or an actual gecko skull, those are treats, and go on my play card.”

Each of those habits on its own is nbd. If I tried to do all of them at once, I’d probably fail. But! Nowadays, I’ve got a shoe shelf so the shoes are organized and not a tripping hazard, and I can always find my keys. My reckless spending is under control. One at a time, over a year, I made little changes. 

For the “Time Loss” deal, I made plans with people. That’s it.

I made plans to fill up my week, so I had other people to expect me to show up, and who’d be disappointed if I wasn’t there.

Monday nights is where I DM some D&D. This also means I need to set time aside each week to come up with maps and adventures and NPCs. 

Tuesday nights is writer’s group, where I visit with a lil club and we critique each other’s writing as we all strive to publish a novel. Tuesday lunch break at work, and right after work before writer’s group is when I panic and crank out a chunk of writing so I have something to bring. Either way, that’s still a couple hours each week for writing, even if it’s crammed into one day 😉

Wednesday night is for tidying. Put on a fun podcast and listen while I do dishes, fold laundry, sweep, etc. My brain is engaged with the podcast, while my hands are being productive with stuff I don’t really have to think about.

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday are totally free because that’s when my friends ask me to go places with them, and I’ll usually have plan offers cropping up. This Saturday is a Fast + Furious marathon! I’m hype.

Sunday afternoon is for volunteering, and cooking. Again, with the podcasts to occupy my brain, while my hands chop and season and do all that mindless junk. I do ‘Sunday Meal Prep’ which is where you cook a ton on Sunday, then allocate food into meal—sized portions to eat throughout the week. Basically making your own TV dinners. =P  - I don’t have to worry about cooking the rest of the week! - Then Sunday Night is usually when I prepare for DND ahahaa

----

Unfortunately I can’t tell you exactly what will fix YOUR particular problems. There are a TON of resources about good organization ideas, alarm tricks, etc.

My best advice is “Start Small. A hundred baby steps over a year gets you places.” And “Forgive your brain! Try again!”

Part of that forgiveness thing is just realizing that what works for other people, likely won’t work for you. Instead of ‘Just doing it’ - ADHD’ers often have to trick and manipulate ourselves into doing things at a sideways diagonal. So the thing gets DONE, even if it’s not done exactly the same path as other people do it, or in the same timeframe. As long as it gets done, it’s ok.

If you’re in school, maybe you need to join a study session, where other people will HOLD YOU to showing up, and actually studying, or actually doing homework in the same room. I certainly needed that. 

If you can’t manufacture executive functions, peer-pressure is fine.

[coffee-obsessed-writer]

The Stranger, Part 2

FULL CHAPTER

Part 1

Dean x Reader

Summary: Reader finds a stranger wandering the road, his head and clothes bloody. He’s disorientated and doesn’t remember who he is. She takes him in and they get close until he starts having nightmares about monsters and killing people.

Then one day, a sleek black car pulls up and a tall man gets out, wearing lots of flannel and has shaggy hair. He claims that the stranger is his brother and he’s come to collect him.

Warnings: Talk of abuse, anxiety, mild violence, language, canon divergence

Word Count: 4.2K

Everything Tags: @his-paradox @sorenmarie87  @lefthologramdeer @grace-for-sale  @redm81 @becs-bunker  @docharleythegeekqueen @moonchild-shoshanna  @idontfuckingknowgurl

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Seven Days Later…

“Dean! Dinner’s up!” you called down the hallway, but he didn’t answer. Maybe he’d fallen asleep again, he had been doing that a lot lately. You could tell he was tired. Maybe it was lack of sleep, or he was putting in too many hours at the store after whatever accident he had. Either way, his sleep was broken and haunted, and even from your room upstairs, you could hear him occasionally calling for someone or something.

You knocked softly on the bedroom door and it pushed open slightly. The room was half lit by the table lamp beside the bed, and Dean’s form was laying on his stomach with his face buried in the pillow. He had looked more than a little tired over the past few days. He simply said he hadn’t slept well, so you left it alone. But you were scared he was hiding something more. Maybe the pain in his head was getting bad again, or his ribs weren’t healing, or he was starting to remember who he really was.

You’d tried (and failed) to convince him to see a doctor, swearing up and down that he was fine. Even now, at half past seven in the evening, his rest was labored and broken. You noticed he was scowling in his sleep, his legs twitching and his body tense. You were about to wake him when he turned over suddenly, his arms violently flailing in front of him and muttering the words, ‘no… don’t…’ repeatedly.

“Dean?” you said just above a whisper, “Dean… wake up.”

You sat on the bed beside him and lightly shook his shoulder, igniting his gut instinct to react. He shot up from the bed, grabbed your wrist tight and twisted it roughly.

“Ow! Dean!” you screeched, causing him to really wake up and notice his surroundings.

He registered your face and immediately dropped your hand. “Y/N, I’m sorry… shit. I was having a nightmare, and—”

“Its fine, really,” you said rubbing your wrist where he grabbed you. “That must have been one hell of a nightmare.”

“Yeah,” he grunted, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and trying to rid his brain from the horrific visions he just had. He looked at you mournfully, his eyes kept going to your wrist and the guilt he felt was painted all over his face.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Dean quickly shifted his gaze from you, making you feel as if he was hiding something from you, or at least holding back. Even though it had only been a little over a week, you’d come to feel like you knew him, at least this version of Dean, and something felt off.

He sighed and looked at you apologetically. “Maybe later. Right now, I can smell dinner and I’m starving.” He pulled himself off the bed and extended you a hand to help you up. “What’s on tonight’s menu?”

“Meatloaf and potatoes.”

“Perfect,” he smiled again and extended his elbow for you to take as you exited the room together. “And what’s on the Netflix for bingin’?”

“Whatever you like,” you said, though, for the first time since he’d been there, you weren’t as enthused for your night of ‘Netflix and Chill’ with Dean as you had been in days past. Trying to shrug off the odd feeling you had, you simply smiled and headed towards the kitchen to eat.

He kept the conversation light, steering it away from his nightmares whenever you tried to bring it up. Hell-bent on changing the subject, you let him ramble on about the store, the shows you’d been watching, and whatever other small talks he threw your way.

Once dinner was done and the dishes were cleared, you found him on the couch, his head resting back against the cushion. He was sitting on the far end, and you took your place on the opposite end of the sofa. Dean’s eyes were closed, but he felt your weight shift the cushions and it made him grunt.

“You put me in a food coma,” he groaned happily, patting his stomach with both hands. “Please don’t tell me there’s dessert… unless it’s those apple things you made the other night. In that case, I’ll have two please.”

You laughed at him and shook your head. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Nope,” he said, as he opened his eyes and turned to look at you without taking his head off the cushion, “you’re just a really good cook.”

“Alright, enough flattery. I don’t have the apple things, but I will make more tomorrow.”

Dean did an animated fist pump and grinned.  

“What do you wanna watch?” you asked, grabbing the remote and flicking on the tv. “We could binge Game of Thrones… oh, or maybe The Walking Dead.”

“Nah, no zombies, ice ones or otherwise. How about Stranger Things? Those kids are so damn funny.”

You agreed and put the show on to where you’d left off. Sometime around when Joyce Byers was buying an insane amount of Christmas lights, you felt his eyes on you. You looked at Dean and confirmed that he was staring at you. This made you blush and feel very self-conscious.

“What? I have a booger or something?” you laughed but drew your knees up into your chest, a defensive habit you developed while growing up. Your nerves were feeling the weight of the last week, and it hit you (not for the first time) that this man was a complete stranger, and you were just letting him live with you.

You had just opened your home and business to him like you’d known him for years, not just found him bloody on the side of the road. At times you thought he was the best friend you’d ever had, and other times you chastised yourself, brutally, for taking him in like a stray dog.

Now, with the way he was looking at you, you worried if you’d made a mistake. Would he hurt you? Attack you? Beat you silly just for fun? The swirling chaos that was erupting in your head must have been written all over your face because Dean noticed you weren’t okay.

He grabbed the remote and paused the show. “Hey, you alright?”

You couldn’t answer. Somehow between the earlier situation in his room, and now with the way he was looking at you, anxiety had filled the crevices of your brain and you were certain that Dean was some lunatic hell bent on hurting you.

“Y/N?” He leaned forward and reached across the couch, holding out a hand towards you. “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” You could feel your hands start to tremble, your mind still racing with questions and doubt about whether you could or should trust him. “Hey, talk me. What happened? If it’s about earlier, I’m really sorry I scared you.”

“I, uh, I’m—” you started to cry, and not just a few tears. Something had been building up since the confrontation with Shane and having Dean around was adding to it. Having grown up with an abusive father figure, and a bully of a brother, men were always something you had a tough time navigating. There hadn’t been too many good ones in your life, and while you felt Dean was one of them, anxiety was now making you doubt that.

“Hey, hey… it’s alright,” he tutted, and wrapped an arm around your shoulder, “whatever it is, we can fix it.”

Dean pulled you into the crook of his arm and held you close. It should have made things worse; normally that’s what happened. Being that physically close to someone was usually the cause of a near instant panic attack. But not this time. Dean’s arm around you helped the trembling to stop, the endless chatter in your brain to cease, and even your tears found a way to dry up. He used his hand to push your head closer to him, leaving a kiss on the top of your hair.

“If you’re worried about Shane, he picked up his keys and he promised he’d stay away.”

“It’s not Shane, it’s you. You scare the shit out of me,” you said in a surprisingly even and calm tone.

He didn’t push you away or react adversely at all. Instead, his grip on you readjusted slightly, making you feel more comforted. You heard him sigh and looked up to try and read his expression. Dean was biting his lower lip, concern dusted across his brow.

“This has gotta be weird for you, I get that. I think about it a lot. If you want me to go, Y/N, I will. I’m better, my head is pretty much healed, my ribs don’t hurt at all. I can just go—”

“That’s just it, Dean. Despite everything, I don’t want you to go. Yet, I fear what happens if you stay. You don’t belong here. You probably have a family, or someone looking for you. For over a week now you’ve lived here, and we quickly fell into this weird domestic routine that feels completely foreign to me. I’ve lived alone for a long time, and except for my shithead brother, I don’t have anyone I talk to regularly.”

“That ain’t right, Y/N. You should be happy and have someone—” he paused and rubbed his hand over his stubbled cheek, lightly sighing. He was serious, but also sweet in the way he was looking at you. “You deserve someone that appreciates you. Someone who looks out for you and cares about you. I’d be dead if you didn’t find me. Honestly, every time I try and think about where I should be, or where that note said I had to be, all I can think is this is where… I am where I should be.”

This time when you looked up, the intensity in his gaze pierced into you, causing a swell of erotic discomfort that hadn’t been there before. Who was this guy that he could bring forth such a rush of emotions? He could make you laugh, feel safe, but also terrify you with how quickly he reacts, like he did with Shane and then earlier when you tried to wake him. He was mysterious and yet familiar, which caused an odd sense of déjà vu that couldn’t be explained. At the same time, you felt yourself wanting him more with each day that passed. These weren’t feelings you were used to having, in fact, they were elusive and very absent in your life.

The house was completely silent. You felt yourself start to slightly tremble again, but it wasn’t out of fear this time. Dean’s face was inching closer to yours, so close you could make out the army of freckles that fell over the bridge of his perfectly shaped nose. You heard him swallow nervously, just as his hand brushed against your chin to direct your face up towards him.

Before you could object, Dean’s lips pressed softly against yours. It was tentative and sweet; the passion driving it was slow to ignite, but it was there bubbling under the surface of the uncertainty it was layered with. He didn’t try and shove his tongue in your mouth or grab you and throw you down on the couch; he kept it light, opening his mouth just enough for you to feel the silky tip of his tongue against yours.

His hand brushed the hair away from your face and tucked it behind your ear; then gently cradled your jawline and neck. You weren’t lost in the moment but fully immersed in it; inviting whatever anxiety still clung to you to leave. It went on for more than a minute, the hesitant, yet sensual touches of two people who just wanted to forget the outside world for a moment and find comfort in the other.

He pulled back first and pressed his forehead against yours. A ghost of a smile touched the mouth you were instantly longing for again.

“I—I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” his voice was raspy and dry.

“Don’t apologize Dean. I’m glad you did. I wanted you too, so much. I’m just… scared.”

“I’m not like Shane,” he said taking both your hands into his. “I would never hurt you or lay a hand on you.”

“I know, I’m sorry I thought otherwise.”

“You have plenty of reason to, Y/N. You don’t talk about it much, but I can see it. And I hate it.”

“Who the hell are you?” you whispered, almost inaudibly, but the desperation you felt to really know him coated your words. You examined his face to try and find something in it that spoke up to your question. But all you found was some kindred—but lost—spirit, swimming amidst the cut of his green eyes.

“Sweetheart, I wish I knew. But right now, I don’t hate the guy I am with you.”

His words hit you like a ton of bricks, right in the chest. The way he looked at you when he said it just proved that he was sincere. You didn’t know if that made it worse, or better.

“I’m just afraid to get too attached. One day, your life is going to come walking through that door, and you’ll be gone.”

“You don’t know that.”

“You’re right, I don’t. But neither do you. You don’t even seem to want to know where you came from.”

“Whatever is going to happen, will,” he said, completely ignoring your last comment. “We can only control right now, right? So, I say we enjoy this for whatever it is and watch the rest of this episode.” He raised his brow playfully, getting you to smile. “Besides, I gotta know what this woman is gonna do with those lights,” he chuckled, but his expression was trying to convey something else. It was as if he was pleading for you to just agree. So, you simply offered him a small smile, then nodded and curled into his side.

You wanted him to kiss you again; thought about just pulling him to you, but you didn’t. Whatever was happening was meant to be taken at a snail’s pace and not just because he was still healing, but because you didn’t want to end up having to do any healing yourself. A broken heart never set correctly, and it was one thing you didn’t need to deal with, ever again.

  After going to bed that night, you stayed awake for a long while, mulling over everything that had happened in the past week. Starting with a strange man crashing into your life, then a confrontation with Shane, and now it had just become that much more complicated with the kiss you shared.

Dean kissed you one more time, very softly, while saying goodnight. Though it didn’t last as long as the first one, somehow it was harder to walk away from. Getting involved with him was not in your plans, and maybe in the cold hard light of day, you’d come to your senses, but at this moment all you wanted to do was go back downstairs and be with him.

While you were trying to decide what you should do, there was a large crash of the metal garbage cans hitting the pavement near the garage. Assuming it was probably the raccoons again, you took it as a sign that you should go downstairs and just double check. You jumped out of bed and put your cotton robe over your PJs that consisted of a pair of boy shorts and a tank top and headed down to check out the raucous.  

Tiptoeing down the old wooden stairs, you paused outside his bedroom door and listened. It was quiet. Deciding you’d leave him to sleep, you were about to go peek out the kitchen window to check on the noise when another sound from outside caught your attention. This time you heard low voices through from the other side of the exterior wall.

You knocked lightly, but frantically, on Dean’s door. When you heard no answer, you pushed it open anyway, nearly jumped into the room and closed it quickly. The crash of the cans must have woken him, as he was sitting up in bed already. He held a finger to his mouth in a gesture for you to be quiet. Dean threw the covers off himself, pressed himself against the wall and gingerly lifted the curtain covering the window closest to his bed. He motioned for you to come closer and you obliged with no hesitation.

“I hear voices,” he whispered, carefully putting the curtain back with minimal movement.

“Me too.”

“Do you have any weapons? Gun? Machetes? Hell, fireplace poker?” he asked, still calm and cool as always.

“Um, I have a shotgun. Its upstairs in my closet. It's not loaded and its locked in a case. Honestly, I don’t even know if it is fully assembled anymore. I hate the damn thing.”

“At least you have one. C’mon,” Dean said as he grabbed your hand and headed upstairs.

You got to your room and rifled through the closet until you found the locked case. Fumbling with the keys you’d grabbed from the dresser, you opened it and handed the whole mess to Dean. “Do you know—”

Before you could even finish your thought, he was taking the pieces, assembling and loading it in record time. You watched in awe with the speed he had it locked and loaded as if it was as natural as breathing for him. For the briefest moment, the intruders were forgotten, and a bit of the earlier anxiety set it.

‘Who the fuck is this guy’ you kept thinking, yet still really didn’t fear him, just the things you’ve seen him do.

The sound of glass breaking downstairs made you jump, but Dean was by your side in a second.

“I want you to stay here,” he said firmly. “Lock this door and don’t open it unless you hear my voice, alright?”

You nodded, fear starting to consume you. Dean didn’t miss it. “Hey, it’s gonna be fine. I’ll take care of it.” He held the side of your face with his hand and locked his eyes with yours, making sure he saw that you believed him.

“You’re going to kill them? I can call the cops—”

“No, not yet. No cops,” he barked, then shook his head, as if trying to get the thought gone. “I’m not gonna kill anyone. Just stay here. Find whatever you can that would hurt someone and hold on to it.”

He tried to offer you a comforting smile, but the sound of more breaking glass set him into action and he was gone out of your bedroom door. Once you locked it behind him, you tried to regulate your breathing and not let the panic overtake you. You did consider calling the cops anyway. Wasn’t that what you were supposed to do? Not that they would be much help. Your local Sheriff’s department consisted of three officers, two of which you knew from high school and wouldn’t trust them to find a lost dog. Instead, you choose to follow Dean’s caution and just wait it out.

The house was quiet again; you couldn’t hear Dean or anyone from outside. Hoping the intruders left on their own, you chanced a peak from the second story window that overlooked the garage and driveway. All you could make out were three shadows moving along the perimeter of the house and peering into the windows that weren’t already shattered.

The blast of a shotgun rang out and the three shadows took off through the backyard. One of black masses fell over one of the tipped garbage cans. They scrambled to their feet when they saw Dean exit the house by the back door. The dim back porch light gave just enough illumination for you to see him stalking across the driveway, cocking the shotgun.

The fallen intruder got to his feet and dove for cover behind the garage just as Dean fired another shot. Though the adrenaline was coursing through your body, you didn’t feel any more fear. The anxiety of it all slipped away the moment you saw Dean down below; you just knew you were safe. It also didn’t escape you that when he fired the second shot, he wasn’t really aiming near the target.

‘Just a warning,’ you thought and felt even more relief.

From downstairs, you heard the back door close. Not too long after, you could hear Dean’s footsteps coming back upstairs, then his knock on the door. “Y/N, it’s me, open the door.”

Before he could step foot all the way in, you were throwing your arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. You felt him sigh against you, placing one arm around the small of your back and hugging you tightly. When you let him go, you saw the concern he held on his brow and followed his gaze to his hand. In it, he held a brick with a paper attached.

“What is that?” you asked. A wave of nausea rising from the pit of your stomach. ‘That,’ you thought, ‘is nothing but trouble.’ “What does it say, Dean?”

He closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. “This is what came through the window. It was on the living room floor by the couch. A second one broke one of the kitchen windows.” He held out the brick for you to take.

Examining it, you turned it over and saw the paper that had been firmly rubber banded to the brick. The note said, ‘we’re coming for you’.”

“What the hell does that mean? Who is coming for me?” your mind was racing, and all you could come back to was that it was from Shane, or some of his idiot friends trying to scare you. Even though you hadn’t heard from him since the incident in the store, you knew he was petty and underhanded; he would do anything to get what he wanted.

“Y/N, maybe it's not for you… maybe this is because of me. What you said earlier… maybe—maybe you were right. My past is catching up to me.”

You felt your knees weaken and abruptly needed to sit. Finding your way to your bed, you fell onto it and drew in a deep, shaky breath. Dean carefully rested the shotgun against the window and sat next to you on the bed.

“Good thing you don’t have close neighbors. Cops would’ve been here by now,” he tried to joke but knew you were too rattled by the message.

“Dean… what the hell do we do now?”

“I don’t know, Y/N. Whoever the hell they were, they’re gone for tonight. I saw two of ‘em take off, one went ‘round the garage but I doubt he stuck around.”

“We really are quite the pair, huh? Me with a psychotic brother, you with a mysterious past and no memory. Where’s the Lifetime people when you need them?”

Dean laughed and rubbed both hands wearily over his face. “Tomorrow, we will try and figure this all out. Not much we can do now, so we should probably try to get some sleep.”

It was your turn to laugh. “Yeah, sleep. Ok. Cause that’ll happen.”

“You gotta try. You’re no good to me sleep deprived and crabby,” he teased, his eyes were tired and his features soft.

You touched his stubbled cheek, cradling his jaw with your hand as he leaned into you. “Will you stay with me? Up here? I really don’t want to be alone after that.”

He nodded softly. You got up from the bed and placed the brick on the floor in the corner. After you slipped off your robe and left it on the chair, you crawled back into bed and Dean followed suit. You both laid down, facing each other in a near mirror-image; each of you with one arm curled up under your pillow.

“You should try to sleep,” he whispered, gingerly brushing away a lock of hair that had fallen on your cheek.

“So should you.”

“You sure this is alright? Me, in your bed?”

You smiled and nodded. “Trust me, you’re right where I want you to be,” you teased, using his own words against him.

He chuckled, his tongue peeking out against his bottom lip and biting it slightly as he sleepily gazed at you. “You know, despite what just happened, I don’t hate how this day ended.”

“Me either. You make me feel safe, Dean. Regardless of which one of our train wreck lives brought this to the doorstep, it doesn’t matter. I’m glad you’re here, and I wouldn’t change a thing.”

Dean’s eyes drifted closed, as he wrapped his one free arm up around your shoulder. His fingers grazed against your skin, leaving you wanting to feel more of him. Even though you were more confident that he was really the man you thought he was, you still wanted to be sure; take things slow. For tonight, just falling asleep next to him would be enough; his arm around you, his breath on your cheek and secure in the knowledge that he would keep you safe from whatever threat lay waiting.

Falling asleep with him was just what you needed. Until his nightmares started again. That was something you weren’t prepared for, and Dean’s nightmares scared you far more than the intruders ever did.

Part 3 Published 8/3/18.

Drop me an ask if you want to be added to tags.

[capriswritingnartshenanigans]

A World of Beasts and Forbidden Wants

Chapter 1: An Unexpected Complication

Human/Lycanthrope. SFW. 2185 words. Catch it on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18575611/chapters/44033869

Maran has enough issues trying to help their small town survive in a world where humans are on the bottom, and werewolves and lycanthropes are on top, as well as getting people to understand their wishes. It's hard enough as one of the minority of humans who didn't turn to worshiping or being used by the Beasts, but Maran is also magickally gifted far more than they should be.

In a world of violence outside of their native walls, and now with more complications with their decision to save a Lycan rather than kill him for the crimes he has undoubtedly committed, how are they expected to escape possible enslavement... or worse?

    I sigh softly as rain continues to pour down outside, turning the normally soft dirt into pits of red clay mud. It almost looks like the gardens of plants are bathed in blood; mother nature can be rather morbid, even in dirt coloration.

“Maran? Maran! Are you okay?” Someone calling my name pulls me from my thoughts. I turn away from the window, squinting slightly as my eyes re-adjust to the brightly lit living room.

    “Yeah, Ma, I’m fine. I was just thinkin’.” Ma chuckles softly, shaking her head with a slight smile on her lips.

    “I figured, but had to be sure. You have a habit of doin’ that when the sky starts to pour.” She wipes her messed hands on her floral-printed apron, smearing off-white batter on a large part of it. “Dinner’s about ready; the batter was tryin’ to fight with me on getting into the pan, but I managed.” She turns back to the kitchen’s connecting door to the living room, and I know she’s wanting me to follow her, so I do. “Would you mind helpin’ me with supper? I know you want to break in your home, but…” She stops at the kitchen island, still spattered with flour, batter, and multiple discarded bits of vegetables and meat fat.

    “But you don’t want another leaving the nest so soon. I know.” I grab the tin for compost dumping and start raking the leftovers from her prep into it. “I’ll help, don’t worry. Is pa and Eri coming home for it, too?” She nods enthusiastically.

    “Yes! The miners finally hit a big pocket of coal, accordin’ to your da. He said he and Eri will be gettin’ tons more time off because we won’t have to fight so hard to get energy without… Them noticing.” She shivers, murmurs a prayer to the Gods under her voice while doing a holy star across herself, and turns to check on the shepard’s pie in the oven. Them. The Beasts, as many humans like us call them. In this part of Icarurim, lycanthropes and werewolves are the cock of the walk. Humans either worship their every step and breath, or they’re like us, living in hiding, protected by thousands of layers of magick meant to keep Beast-bloodeds out. An icy chill runs down my spine, causing my entire body to shudder.

    “Well… that’s good. They’ve been working the miners so hard, from the moment the light touches the sky till well into the night. They deserve a big break, and some awarding for their work.” Instead of getting comfortable in my new home, I’d been spending the last two months spending most of the daylight time with Ma, knowing she was dealing with da’s missing presence badly. After thirty-two years together, I would say it’s hard to deal with.

I wash my hands after the counter is visibly clean, then wet a rag and apply some cleaning fluid before going back to it. Ma continues to chatter about a few more successes in the community, like the solar panels finally being complete, just need more time to properly wire everything; the gardens are responding well to the compost this year, so there’s hope for a lot more food this year, especially in winter; and there’s hope that the town will be able to expand closer to the river, which will help up our water supply. I nod along, mentally taking notes as she speaks. More than likely, when the expansions start, I’ll be called in to help move the protective spells and runes that keep the town safe. One of the “perks” of being a strong magician, I guess.

    When I finish fully wiping down the kitchen island and some counters, the shepard’s pie is ready. My stomach had started to growl half an hour ago, and at this point I’m nearly ravenous at the smell. When Ma takes it out of the oven, I feel my mouth water at the full force of the smell of the vegetables, beef, and gravy cooked to perfection. The mashed potato-parsnip mix on top is golden brown, and the filling inside looks somewhat like beef stew, but with less gravy. We both quiet once she divies us out a portion of it, and we keep that quiet as we eat.

~

Around an hour later...

    The rain finally lightened up sometime after Ma and I ate dinner, enough so that I can finally go into the main area of town and onward to getting what I need for home. Flour, eggs, a good helping of vegetables, red-spotted toadstools, gold wire… I check all of what’s left, mainly just coffee beans and more paper. I make my way through the mud, rather slowly, towards Ervini’s, a shop centered around getting more non-local items from other small human settlements around the country. The outside part of the store is painted a dark green, with large, hand-painted white letters depicting the shop’s name written above the door. It’s bigger inside than out, as per usual with shops and homes. The work of magick.

    “Hey, Maran!” I hear someone say as I step in from the rain, scrubbing the mud from my boots on the welcome mat as I lower my hood. I look over to the rickety, oak wood counter as I round the large display of papers to my left. I grin when I spy Annori, dressed in a lovely knee-length spring green dress with her long, dirty-blonde hair plaited into a french braid thrown over her shoulder. The closer I come to the counter, the more her cheeks flush, and the more excited she acts. I have to swallow down a laugh as she dips down behind the counter to grab something, then pops back up with a bounce. “Your things finally came in! Erv told me to make sure I kept them on hand in case you could stop by.”

    “Oh, good! Yeah, the rain finally let up enough to come into town from Ma and Da’s.” I reach out to grab the box of coffee beans and paper, letting my fingers brush hers as I do so. I sneakily watch her bite her lip as she nervously laughs and hands off the box entirely to me. I’m well aware of her… interest in me, and it makes teasing her so much more fun. “How long is Erv keeping you here?”

    “Um, just until 3 or so. He doesn’t expect much in the way of customers today, and the elders are sure the rain is going to become a bad storm towards evening.”

    “So he doesn’t want you to get caught in the storm.” Rather nice of him, but I don’t say that bit out loud. Erv could be a real hardass sometimes; it’s why I’m no longer working the counter in here.

    “Pretty much! Especially with where I live… outer rim and all.”

    “Yeah.” I look outside, and groan when I see the rain picking back up. Damn it. “Look, Ani, I need to get back to Ma’s. She’ll tear off my hide if her cornmeal gets ruint. I’ll see you soon!” I head back to the door as she calls goodbye, shifting everything around in my pack to fit in the new box. As I’m about to head out the door, I feel a hand gently wrap around my upper arm. I turn, a brow raised, and look down at Ani. Her face has, somehow, managed to turn from a dark pink to tomato red in the span of time it took me to finish moving around my pack’s items.

    “I-I was wondering about something…” She looks down at our feet, and I can hear her mutter to herself.

    “And that is…?” I bite my lower lip to keep the smirk from fully forming on my lips. She’s so adorable when she’s nervous.

“I was w-wondering if you’d… um… liketocom’ov’rforsuppahsometime.” The last half of her sentence comes out in such a quick succession I can’t quite tell what she said.

    “If I’d like to what?”

    “T-To come over. For supper. Some time.” She lets out a nervous laugh whilst her hand not on my arm twists itself into her dress. This time, I can’t keep the grin off of my face as I pull my lower lip in between my teeth for a few moments, before letting my lips pull into such a big grin my cheeks hurt.

    “Absolutely. When would you like me to come over?”

~

After dark has fallen…

    I laugh as I make my way through the thick clay mud via a small orb of light, my thoughts drifting to my day. Quite a turn of events, if I say so myself. Da and Eri are home after being only able to return home for a short time every Friday and Saturday, and… Ani finally got the guts to ask me on what I’m thinking is a date. I laugh again, the heat of my breath swirling through the fog that’s settled in after the rain. A thick fog that would normally make moonless nights unable to be traveled, but I’m good at creating light. I feel my face contort as my boots let out more squelching noises, now becoming more constant the closer I get to my home.

    My home. It’s odd to consider the small cottage as my “home”, but it really is. While I have to live closer to the outer rim than Ma and Da were comfortable with, I rather enjoy the feeling of being surrounded by trees. There’s also a good amount of cleared land as per usual for homes, so soon enough I can even begin my own small garden and maybe some other self-sufficient means of living. And… maybe some chickens or pigeons for healthy meat when the river isn’t producing fish.

    Just as I’m reaching the clearing to my home, I hear a low, animalistic groan. I stop dead in my tracks, my heart beginning to race as my eyes struggle to make anything out in the dark fog. I try to calm my breathing; if it’s an animal, I need to be calm. Pressing my lips together and steeling myself, I move forward slowly, willing my orb to go in front of me. It bobs as we travel, and even as we go ten or so steps onto my land, I still see nothing.

    One step.

    Two step.

    Another groan cuts the air, somewhere in front of me, to the left. It’s closer now.

    One step.

    Two step.

    I  can’t suppress my gasp when I finally see what’s made that noise. My orb’s light casts an eerie look on the monstrosity in front of me. It lies in a collapsed heap, fur matted with mud and something of a darker red. A darker red that’s puddling around it, staining what it touches. Blood pours from the huge gouges carved into its back and sides, as well as holes ripped into its torso and limbs. How it managed to still be alive is unfathomable. I move closer to see it better, and realization dawns on me when I see its wolfish head, and the twisted look of paws and hands meshed unnaturally.

    Lycan. The word whispers through my brain, sending an icy panic trickling through my chest and stomach. Its eyes are closed, but its mouth is slightly open, allowing blood and breath to escape. Slowly, slowly, my hand inches towards the shortsword hidden at my side. I’ve never killed before, but… I can’t let this thing go. Not when I know exactly what it’ll do if it survives. Unspeakable horrors. Horrors I can prevent.

    Just as I manage to quietly bring my blade from its sheath, a quiet voice whispers through my head. Don’t. I pause, but don’t take my eyes off of the beast’s hulking body. Who are you? I ask.

    Don’t kill him. You’ll regret it, comes the reply.

    What do you mean??? Who are you?!

    I am a god, a god of old who has seen what will come if you kill him. So don’t. Bring him into your home, care for him, and tell none of his presence. To kill him would end the future of your people, and to abandon him will bring to end your future. So care, and not kill, human, if you truly care for either. Great. A riddle. It’s not unusual for the gods to present themselves mentally when someone is at a turning point that could have major impact on the world. Doesn’t mean I have to like what it says, though.

    Why should I spare him? He is a monster, who has likely murdered innocent humans aplenty in his numerous days! Why should he be allowed to live and not be punished?!

    Heed my words, human. You’ll understand soon enough. Care, not kill. It whispers this last part over and over as its voice recedes from my mind. A final warning. Care for a beast that will likely kill me the moment he wakes. The gods have a great sense of humor sometimes.

Thank you so much for reading!!!

[selfdulgent-selfinsert]

Caught in the Middle. (A self-indulgent, reader insert) Chapter 4:

Joseph couldn’t believe that you said yes, all the teasing he had undergone from Sebastian all since texting you was worth it. It leads to him anxiously contemplating over his small closet. What to wear? Something formal maybe? No. You were just going out for coffee, there’s no need to be formal; but what did he have for anything close to casual? He guessed an old pair of jeans and a V-neck would have to do. It was a little embarrassing honestly, Joseph hadn’t worn anything but a button up out of his house since joining the KPD detective department. It had his favorite show Unusual things emblazoned in its 80’s neon font, hopefully, you’d either like the show or consider it not too casual; he wanted to look like he cared about this date, but not too much. While you didn’t want to overdress, you certainly looked more elaborate than your plain white nursing gown and minimal makeup. You were stunning, your coat, dress, tights, and shoes matching perfectly; Joseph stopped dead in his tracks before he could move closer to you. In his eyes you could rival any model; your cozy, simple attire flattered you in all the right ways. The small kremmogorgon hanging off your purse was just a bonus and he felt better about his choice of shirt. While waiting your fingers played with the keychain nervously, worried Joseph wouldn’t come. “(Y/n)!” He called snapping out of his amorous stupor and walking up to you. “Sorry, I’m a little late. I hope you’re not too cold after waiting for me.” “Ah! That’s okay Joseph, my coat is really warm, and so I don’t mind! I’m glad you came!” Now it was your turn to admire him and while his slightly disheveled hair made you wonder how soft it was and his shirt was a cute look for him there was something wrong. “Joseph, aren’t you cold?” Shit. He forgot his coat at home in haste; he shivered. “I’ll be okay inside the coffee shop (y/n), so how about we head inside?” His cheeks were starting to flush from the cold. “Let’s go get you warmed up Joseph.” So said while turning to open the glass door. The smell of coffee hit your nose as you stepped in after him. The doors bell ringing as it swung shut; you crinkled your nose. Coffee wasn’t really your thing, you’d do a mug when working long shifts but the smell of the beans and pure fresh coffee made you a little queasy. Tea was more your speed, and this shop had the best hand-blended selection in Krimson city; any amount of unpleasant smell was worth a cup of their earl grey latte. “I’ll get the coffee (y/n), my treat. Or an apology for being late if you will.” “Oh, Joseph you don’t need to do that.” “I want to.” He cut you off, whatever emotion that was in his eyes made you feel something powerful. The word sploosh echoed around your head as your cheeks flushed. Damn you have been single for a while, especially if just this was all it took. “What kind would you like?” He punctuated his offer with a rosy smile. “Thank you, Joseph, this is really nice of you. I’d like an Earl Grey Latte if that’s okay? But I’m paying next time!” He nodded and turned to the Barista. You moved to stand closer with him at the drink-window. “Warming up okay Joseph?” “Yes, good company always helps” he winked down at you and chuckled “especially when they're beautiful like you.” GOD WHY DID HE HAVE TO BE SO FUCKIN LIKE THAT. You weren’t going to let his out flirt you now, so you took advantage of the weather; you took his hand in your own and pulled his arm into your coat and against your torso. “Well if you would like warmer company I’ll gladly accommodate.” There was a quiet moment before you both burst out laughing. “That was so bad Joseph I’m sorry!” You cried in-between laughter; “No, (y/n) I walked into that one!” you both held onto each other while laughing, both your nerves finally coming to a head with a hearty laugh. The night went wonderfully after shedding your nerves, taking your drinks to the sofa and snuggling together for the remainder of the outing. Exchanging interests and personal ideals. You learned how Joseph liked to stick with the rules and his love for old 1980’s horror films. He, in turn, learned about your love for art and video games. Mutually gushing over Unusual Things and your favorite characters like the Kemmogorgon and the main cast of kids. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t having a fantastic time, but sadly the shop had to close and you parted separate ways. Not before you made sure Joseph would take a cab home to shield him from the chill of late autumn. You looked forward to the remaining weekend while walking home, you were walking on air after the date and a quiet weekend home gave you so much freedom. The prospect was extremely inviting and your head swam with ideas for tomorrow; though it was only hours away. The alarm blared Monday morning. Had you slept through the entire weekend? No, but it went way to fast. Your chores and hobbies consumed you for 48 hours; spending hours painting and texting with Joseph on his breaks. You already had plans to go out again next Wednesday evening for dinner. God, you wished it was here already. You rolled onto the floor and shambled into the kitchen, turning the kettle on and standing in front of your open fridge; debating what the hell you would eat. Deciding on a protein bar instead of cooking again so you could dress while eating. Your nursing dress was outdated as the other hospitals in the city mandated the use of scrubs for every staff member, but Beacon was different. Some old-thinking higher-ups were what you guessed. While annoying to have to buy hard to find scrub dresses instead of your plethora of modern scrubs, you did admit that since you were little the dresses were your favorite and you had always wanted to wear them. A double-edged sword if you had ever seen one. Remembering your lunch this time, you locked the door to your apartment and headed out for the day; making sure to message Joseph, wishing him a good day. Perhaps you were both moving a little fast but you really did not care. Your current communication with him had you thirsty as fuck and god damn you wanted this to go somewhere.

 “Good morning Leslie,” you said, waking Leslie from slumber and handing him his daily medications. “Did you have a good weekend? I hope you and Carrie had fun this weekend.” He smiled from under his blankets. “Tired, tired, tired…” Mumbling as he tried to rub the sleep from his eyes. “I know Leslie, it’s early, but you can sleep some more after you take your medicine okay.” A cocktail of pills was handed to him via small paper cups. You were amazed at how brave he was for taking such large capsules, they were always so intimidating. Tucking him back in you then reached over to pull his little teddy bear closer and tucking it in right beside Leslie. “Sleep as much as you want Leslie, I’ll be back to check on you in a bit okay?” He nodded and snuggled the bear.

Leaving the room you opened Leslie’s door to walk straight into a slender chest; Dr. Ruvik was standing right in front of the door. Was he watching? “(y/n) I don’t mean to intrude but I’ve come to ask for your assistance and didn’t want to barge in.”

“Oh, of course, DR. Ruvik, let me just shut the door and I’ll be right with you.

“Wonderful.” He clasped his hands behind his back. “I’ll be waiting for you in my office, it’s in the basement with the lab.”

You turned to the door as he walked off, the electronic clock making a slight click. Giving an experimental push to ensure it wouldn’t budge. One of the grim reminders that you were in fact, in a psychiatric hospital; some clients have the habit of wandering off when not occupied, supervised or locked down and Leslie was one of them. He never went far, just out front to see if his passed family had come to take him home, though it would never happen. You peered through the doors small window to give one last check on Leslie before hurrying to catch up with the doctor and managing to catch him before he entered the main elevator. Dr. Ruvik smiled as you stepped into the small room with him. “What exactly did you need help with Dr. Ruvik?” He hit the main floor button. “I have many patients as you know (y/n), and as with research they have helped me accumulate a mass of paperwork and cassettes.” He tapped his pocket, assuming he was checking to see if it was still there. “I request your help with organizing such a large collection as it would take too long to accomplish this myself.”

Your interest was piqued, a chance to be snoopy on what exactly was going on with Leslie or perhaps the machine as a whole was exactly what you didn’t know you wanted. You could almost taste the delicious answers dangling right in front of you, and all you had to do was help. “I have scheduled another nurse to care for Leslie for the rest of the day.” BITCH WHAT. You turned quickly to face the doctor as he stared ahead at the doors. “This is a confidential task as you and Dr. Jimenez are the only ones involved with medical training, I require your specific aid. I’d much rather work with you then that snake Jimenez anyway.” Staying silent, you weren’t sure if it was pure shock and concern for Leslie or perhaps jealousy. He was your clients and hell you’d become kind of protective over him. Your silence didn’t seem to faze the doctor as he stepped off the elevator, calling back for you. “Come now (y/n) we have work to do.”

Without much of an option, you followed. Like a sheep, you followed the wolf into the bowels of the hospital.