#if you're being told one thing about her
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do yall ever think about bruce/batman!clone danny standing in front of his bathroom mirror after finding out he was a clone and silently tracing his face. The slope of his jaw and point of his chin. The high angle of his cheekbones and the shape of his eyes, the curve of his brow bones and the shape of his nose. The volume of his hair and the way it curls and gets fluffy when it gets too long.
His hair is black the same way a crow's wing is black. His dad's hair is black the same way a black bear's fur is black. His dad's eyes are blue like the ocean is blue. Danny's eyes are blue the same way a glacier is blue.
His dad has a square jaw and straight flat hair, and he tans and gets a face full of freckles when he's out in the sun for too long. Danny burns like a lobster and his face remains untouched. Danny has a sharp jaw and tall cheekbones, and Sam says when he's not smiling there's almost something regal about him. You would never call Jack Fenton "regal" when he's not smiling.
Sam says when he's not smiling he looks scary the same way a stone statue is. Jack Fenton when he's not smiling looks scary the same way that german shepherd staring at you across the street is.
Do you ever think he grew up wondering if he was adopted. Because of course, he has black hair and blue eyes like his dad. But having the same color doesn't make you someone's child.
Or, worse, things he's heard from the other kids and the other parents and even some of his teachers growing up; that he was the product of an affair. And that his dad was just too stupid to notice. And Danny would defend his parents until the day he died, because Jack Fenton wasn't an idiot and Maddie Fenton wasn't a cheater.
But doubt comes in with fickle tongue. his parents swear up and down that he is their child when he asks about either. That Danny just had his grandparents' features, but he was their son and they loved him.
But Danny doesn't look like either of his parents. His mom's eyes are blue like an aquamarine and Jazz's too. And they burn like lobsters in the sun too, but Jazz gets freckles on her face and so does Maddie. And as Danny grows up he doesn't bulk up or get stocky like his dad did, and when he hits puberty he doesn't shoot up like a tree like Jack Fenton did.
He stays small, and they say he's a late bloomer (and he is), or that he just has his mom's height. But he's fast and has good stamina, and some days it feels like he's built entirely different from his family. That the things they went through growing up just didn't apply to him. Jack and Maddie Fenton both had acne and breakouts when they hit puberty, and Jazz inherits it and he's seen the amount of skincare products she keeps on her side of the bathroom.
And then he hits puberty and breaks out maybe once or twice, but his skin stays clear for the most part and the problems and changes his dad went through just don't happen to him.
And the truth is worse than all of the lies.
How horrifying.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#danny fenton is a clone#clone danny fenton#clone danny#thinking about the inherent trauma that comes with growing up as a clone and not knowing and questioning everything about yourself#thinking about the amount of effort and lying that Jack and Maddie would've had to to do if they wanted to pass Danny off as their bio son#the MEDICAL RECORDS#danny's medical history is completely different from theirs. any generational health problems the waynes have would/could be passed down to#danny and he's completely oblivious to it up until the reveal. he'd have no idea about any medical risks until they hit him before that.#so many little things and inconsistencies that would just build and build and build until it finally came to a head and the truth came out#forever and ever and ever fascinated by the underlying horror of being a clone. there's a horror in being cloned but there's also a horror#in BEING a clone. like yes he could've always known from the start and that comes with its own set of issues BUT. just. him not knowing#for the longest time. the lies and deceit and betrayal. you know how adopted kids come out and talk about how they didn't know they were#adopted for the longest time and how traumatizing and betrayed they felt when they're finally told 15-20 years down the line? yeah that#i imagine finding out you're a clone is a lot like that.#i read a book in middle school once abt a girl moving to a new town with her family and getting these horrible nightmares and noticing how#everyone was acting strange around her. one of her nightmares was about the 30yo police officer being a shambling corpse talking to her#and at the end of the book she finds out she's actually the clone of a dead older sister and the police officer was her sister's boyfriend.#and she was in gymnastics but quit and her parents were so disappointed bc the og sister was a champion/award winning gymnastics player#and i never did finish the book but god am i reminded of that.#i love reading the dpxdc clone danny posts and they usually have him brush off being a clone which is literally totally fine but duUUDE#just imagine his own horror over it. its SOOO good
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i know i won't be leaving here with you
#tricked yall. this isn't actually about thorsten and victor it's about those two rabbits from the opening scene of tödliche tarnung#tatort stuttgart#(that was a lie this is my thorsten/victor thesis statement)#are they GOOD for each other? debatable. did they spend 90% of their acquaintance lying to each other? absolutely. are they both really#competent in their respective fields and really good at working together when they want to? yeah. is there something more than a little#homoerotic about all of it?#yes <3#the thing about take me out is that it's a rival snipers song and it's a song about machinery and knowing only one of you is getting out of#this alive . the thing about take me out is that it's about the moment before you both pull the trigger#still very annoyed by the GAPING continuity fail in spiel auf zeit btw. i'm sorry you're gonna base a whole escape plan on victor faking#there being a daughter thorsten doesn't know about. when tödliche tarnung TOLD us that victor has a daughter and OH YEAH thorsten (or chris#is her GODFATHER#come on. guuuuuyyyssss#i like making vids that feel a little like they're spiraling. repeating the same scenes (but not quite the same moments) over and over#again until it resolves into something either further up or further down but not far away from where we started#flashing back and back unable to look directly at the key moment until it passes and it becomes possible to move on#i ALSO like sebastian's silly little gazelle hop in that scene right after victor saves thorsten's life. symmetry would have demanded i add#some sort of baustelle instead on exactly that beat but no damn you. not throwing out the silly gazelle hop
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The implication that Lucius must have read Heather's Scarlet Book (and that being why he used the name "Terapagos" in his memoirs) is pretty interesting. Lucius, someone from the past, who is currently inspiring the current generation also being someone who took inspiration from people who came before him, etc.
Briar also said that Heather's book was regarded as a mere occult story, and that no one believed it. I wonder if Lucius was one of those who believed it, or at least took it seriously enough that it may have inspired him to go on his own journey to check things for himself. Lucius believing in things no one else takes seriously, and that led him to meet Terapagos eventually.
I wonder if Gibeon and the third friend in their group were also people who were curious about these mysteries and wanted to find out more about them. Maybe they didn't fit the norm during their time because of this. It makes me think a bit about the Rising Volt Tacklers since Friede and the others don't fit in the traditional expectations for their chosen professions and took other paths.
#even the current day explorers don't exactly fit expectations#(thinking about sango especially since she was told her own rules can't apply in society etc)#i like the thought that lucius's group may have been considered 'strange' during their time#if they sought out things that were considered fantastical#maybe lucius wanted to look into things no one believed in and got his friends to accompany him#i wonder if gibeon was skeptical about these things.. maybe going like “you're aware no one trusts that right”#but it only motivates lucius further to keep adventuring and look for these things#and maybe gibeon himself had interest in these stories#and lucius being willing to take these things seriously captivates him.. (his smile also captivates him etc)#either way. i like the continuing line of people inspiring each other and leaving books behind#heather leaving a book behind which lucius read and lucius inspiring diana and liko and roy etc#lucius writing memoirs and diana also writing her own adventure log#and liko herself is also writing her own diary and observations about terapagos and other things#lucius#gibeon#hz071#character notes#episode notes
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rapidly realizing i do not in fact like my sister at all.
#milo.txt#this entire weekend has just proven how opposite we are and how fucking clueless she is.#she called me on thursday night claiming she's the only one who's ever stood up for her and cared for her#and how independent she is#and this entire weekend has proved how far her head is up her ass bc she's so fucking helpless and#dependent on others#somethings she's asked me this weekend#she texted me prior to the trip asking me if i had a charger bc she forgot her phone charger#also asked how to use an address and her phone to get some place (''do i just plug it in or?''#this isn't helplessness this is her just being in her own world but i told our grandparents we would get to their#place around 10am and we showed up 2+ hours late bc my sister didn't realize that when you say 'im going to show up at 10' PEOPLE EXPECT YO#TO BE THERE AROUND 10#we also just got gas and she INSISTED i pay for it#and started BERATING me for what i was doing#'you're doing all wrong why would you get that type of gas that's the wrong one have you never gotten gas before GOD'#and then got mad at ME for being like FINE YOU GET THE GAS#and then she had the audacity to be like 'but you'll still pay for it?'#also also. going back to that call on thursday night she said that she really doesn't like it#when our dad thinks he knows her but doesn't (as in he got her a new sweatshirt as an 'apology' gift#and she was like when have i EVER been materialistic ! when have i EVER cared about having things? NEVER!!#that's such fucking bull.#i have a vivid memory of her DEMANDING my parents to buy her a new pair of jeans#bc my dad had spilled beer on hers and no. washing them would not be sufficient#anyways. getting really pissed.
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new guy at work chose the absolute wrongest person to say transphobic shit about me to. screech laughing
#i grabbed her hand and sprinted to our manager we are SNITCHINGGG#he also said other mean things about me personality and work ethic that is also directly tied to that perspective of me#told another coworker and he said that before i did like. yeah. 'doesn't do shit' ONE you sure as fuck don't TWO you're being hateful#directly after calling me slurs. interesting!#objectively this is bad and unfun but. it's funny
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I try to not be hater, but then I see the stupid takes and get madddddd
This is just what I feel every single time I see those shitty opinions
youtube
#WELL ACTUALLY YOU'RE WRONG BC IF OCHAKO SAID SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH DEKU WE NEED TO FOCUS ON THAT WHICH MEANS SHE'LL CONFESS TO HIM#THIS IS FORESHADOWING FOR THEIR RELATIONSHIP U R JUST GASLIGHTING YOURSELF BC HER ARC WAS PARTIALLY ABOUT LEARNING TO LET HERSELF LOVE HIM#tf you mean ppl are still making this fight about deku???#“she said she fell in love with him we win!” tf? it wasn't a reveal#much like the story with her parents we already knew that- this was about opening up to himiko so she could understand her better#and the way it was portrayed confirms this; we pointed out in the manga ochako's face being covered by her hair bc it means we shouldn't fo#focus on that rather than her next statement -she's there as herself not as a hero#this is her being selfish and open in order to reach out to himiko's sadness#and yet ppl are trying so hard to focus on the thing we weren't meant to focus on#and even taking away the deku memory they still made it about him#“ochako is jealous oh toga expressing her love which means she wants to confess to izuku too!!”#SHE LITERALLY SAID SHE ENVIES HOW HONEST SHE IS WITH HER FEELINGS AND SHOULDNT HIDE HER LOVE NOR FACE LIKE HER PARENTS TOLD HER#SHE SAYS SHE WANTED TO AT LEAST TELL HIMIKO HOW LOVELY HER SMILE IS#TO THE POINT OF WANTING TO BE LIKE HER IN THIS WAY#THIS ISNT HER BEING JEALOUS OF HER TELLING DEKU SHIT OR YEARNING TO CONFESS#THE EPILOGUE CONFIRMS THE FEELINGS SHE WAS HIDING WERE ABOUT GRIEF AND FAILURE AS A HERO#YOU DONT HAVE TO BE A TOGACHAKO IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND THIS#CANT WE FUCKING ENJOY F/F CANON CONTENT FOR ONCE WITHOUT SOMEONE SAYING#GRRRRGRGRGRGRGGRGRGRGR#WE FINISHED HER ARC AND IT WAS ABOUT HER LETTING HERSELF GET HELP WITHOUT FEELING LIKE SHE MUST BE LESS OF A HERO#ABOUT HER GRIEVING AND WANTING TO DO MORE TO HELP SOMEONE ABOUT HER NOT WANTING TO HURT OTHERS WITH HER FEELINGS#DONT YOU UNDERSTAND HEROISM IS THE LEAST ROMANTIC THING FOR A FUCKING HERO NERD#DONT YOU UNDERSTAND???? SHE DOESNT ACCEPT ANY OF HER FEELINGS LIKE HIMIKO DID#AND WHILE THEY TALK ABOUT THE BOYS THEY LIKED ITS NOT ABOUT THEM ITS ABOUT THE GIRLS FINDING SUPPORT IN EACH OTHER#PICTURE ONE OF THOSE FEMALE RAGE COMPILATION VIDEOS#I think they can easily get terfy and im not even a woman but the screaming is the vibe of this post#grrr being a hater#Youtube
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#when you feel yourself falling headfirst into a depressive episode bc of all the bad stuff that's been happening in the last months and all#you wanna do is talk to your best friend about it but you can't bc your best friend cut you out of their life bc their new partner told them#that you're a crazy person who's bad for her and convinced them to stop being your friend and your just miss her#and you miss her and you miss her and you miss her and knowing you could be dead right now or could be dead in a month or a year or in 40 or#or 80 years without her even knowing or caring hurts it hurts like someone cut of a part of your limb and when you talk to people you#sometimes still make your inside jokes and no one will understand them and it will hurt again like the first moment she betrayed you and#told you all the bad stuff she know believes of you and then you'll remember this has all happened before and you were a fool for trusting#them again after what had happened the first time but you did and the hurt never stops bc she was your best friend for so long and you two#thought you were soulmates once and you apparently were not and now it hurts still and every time something good or bad or very bad happens#you wanna talk to her and tell her and you wonder how they are doing but he cut you out and told you horrible things and accused you of#terrible stuff that you didn't even understood where it came from and you know you can never be friends again bc you know there's no way#you will ever be able to trust her again but you wonder#you wonder how his life has been going and she's happy and if they're health and whether they think about you too sometimes#and sometimes you're scared for her bc all has been scratchy and you know nothing about what even happend and you suspect he's in an abusive#situation but you don't know bc they blocked you everywhere even duolingo and goodreads and she deleted her tumblr which she didnt last time#and when you were at the hospital every second of every minute of every day your fingers itched to text her about your terrible roommate and#when you were there again they itched to call her bc you were so scared but that will never happen again and now that all the bad stuff has#happened you kno lw you can deal on your own and you're strong enough to do it but it still hurts and will it ever stop?
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how i feel about shipping brudick is always switching from one extreme to the other. like one moment i'm thinking about it and i'm like Yes this makes sense this is beautiful and true. the next i'm like oh god i am going to hell for even considering this
#the only thing to do is keep reading comics and thinking about it ig#my sister though. i told her about it and she got uncomfortable#she keeps saying it's so weird bc he raised dick. and to an extent i AGREE#but i also get the feeling that 'raising' is not exactly the right word for it#bruce... i think the whole 'frozen in time at 10 years old' really warped his perception of. well everything#but especially when it comes to his partners being YOUNG#like ok you see yourself in them and want to help. but they're not YOU and as an adult you're endangering them#anyways i feel like the word 'partner' is really interesting. that implies equality. that overlooks the fact that one of them is a child#or perhaps lets them both be children ...#and when youre in that headspace (of a child playing a Serious Grownup) well youre not really gonna treat your 'partner' like a son are you?#maybe as Bruce that's when the parental side of him came out more#bruce is just not a well adjusted adult. he's not even an adjusted adult. is he even an adult?#and yet he also grew up too fast in many ways !#man the waynes really should've entrusted bruce to someone they weren't paying at some point#he's gonna be a jaded child at 60
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officially on vacation (don't leave until wednesday, but no more work!) and i'm happy happy happy BUT it's also like. there is some stuff happening at work that i'm soooo nosy about and i don't want to have to wait until i come back to hear about it lmfao.
#just stupid drama#i really wanna know if the guy we all HATE finally quits or not#there was an. altercation.... at work the other day#the coworker he's been shit talking came in early and was like heyyyy can we talk?#and he tried to get out of it like 5 times lmfao#he was like oh our manager was going to set up a meeting in A FEW WEEKS....#and she was like oh we can just talk now!! i'm here and i'd love to speak to you :-)#he was like ummm i can't stay late!!! and she was like oh there's an hour left on your shift! we can talk right now! :-)#fucking hilarious. he did not want to be confronted and thought he could get out of it but she's kind of insane so that is not happening#and the thing is too he was literally MOMENTS before complaining to us that he didn't know why she was mad that he was talking about her#because he NEVER talked about her! and everyone was LYING!#and i was like dude. you're talking about her RIGHT NOW.#it's lowkey sad though bc he has two 'friends' at work that i know for a fact have gone to the manager and told him that they don't#want to work w him anymore and complained about his work performance#and apparently that somehow came out and he's convinced that the manager is lying about it. but he's not... lol.#so it's just so sad that no one is being honest with him#lmfao i understand though bc i personally have been honest with him and called him out (VERY GENTLY) and he gets sooo pissy about stuff#but like i'm not pretending to be his friend!#anyways i'm sooo nosy about it lmfaooooo#on instagram he blocked me and like all of our coworkers but two lmfao#but i know both of them hate him so idk why he didn't block them too#lmfao like literally everyyyyyyy single person i work with dislikes him#so yeah i'm hopeful that it's finally over lmfao#this is the same guy i posted about before who bullied my favorite coworker into leaving so.#yeah i really hope he's gone now
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#just saw a post that was like 'if you have religious or moral objections that stop you from providing certain types of medical care maybe#you shouldn't work in healthcare' (paraphrased) and...#what a way to look at the world tbh#like. they're talking about me i think - i am a conscientious objector when it comes to euthanasia#(which granted has come up exactly twice and both cases in a theoretical capacity only this is not a frequent request to me)#and... i am also a good doctor#last week i told someone that her weight doesn't matter to her health with receipts to prove it and she cried#no one had ever told her that before#and that was something that came from me specifically. that was something i would not trust all of the GPs in my practice - a practice of#excellent and compassionate GPs! - to say#i am verifiably doing good in my job that is coming from specifically who i am as a person#i cannot put that down when it comes to issues i care deeply about#fundamentally the fact that i cannot put it down is what makes me a good doctor#i think that's what i'm trying to get at#the reason that i do well by my patients is that i practice out of my values and my ethics#if i did not stand on that core i would not stand at all#so you can't have it both ways. you can't have engaged and active and compassionate healthcare providers without sometimes those engaged an#active providers having things they do not feel comfortable doing#and it is to everyone's service if they are up front about it and do not try to hide (i am suspicious of people who try to hide this)#i am literally figuring this all out as i type hence the v long tag ramble and also being nowhere near the post that started this train#(honestly in med school we talked so much about ethics as like. abortion! euthanasia! trans rights! and the ethics in practice is the littl#things. do you apologise when you mess up. how do you manage a consult with your patient with paranoid dementia and her child in the same#room at one time - or one by one bc that's fraught too. (that one's on top i had one of those today.) how do you act with grace when#you're a bit stressed and your patient is a bit stressed and the nurse wants to add five more things to your book. the day to day ethics is#SUCH a bigger thing when you come to actual practice.)#this is obviously entirely about me and leans on the fact that i largely do think i am doing a good job i am really feeling my own way#to a Thought. but i think to a certain extent it is generalisable
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There is a lighthouse In the middle of the deep And I'm still stranded on the shoreline there And nobody hears me scream
#aliasedit#alias#irina derevko#julian sark#userthing#irina x sark#alias au#isplus#myedit#a vampire au with irina as sark's sire#thinking about how irina turning him - IRINA KILLING HIM - fits into their canon dynamic.#irina as the catalyst for his change. for his transformation. as the one giving him his second life.#the second life he might have begged her for. or the second life that was forced on him.#the life he rejected but grew to see as a gift. grew to see as something he has always wanted.#as something that was meant to happen to him. as something that made him only better.#because it helped to erase who he was before - no one and nothing.#no matter how you look at it; it's either irina killing him/a part of him or it's sark killing a part of himself in order to survive her.#there's no other story.#also thinking about how this AU might change the irina/sark/sydney dynamic.#here's someone who died for your mother. someone who's younger than you.#someone who might not have been given a choice. someone who might not have known what he was agreeing to.#who might not have known that he would have to die to get that power irina lured him with. someone who's never going to get his life back.#would it be easy to write him off. when the evidence of how irina affected and shaped his life is right in front of you.#could he become an ally against irina instead.#who's responsible for turning irina is open to interpretation - khasinau? cuvee? one of her sisters? sloane? JACK?#i like the idea of jack being secretly a vampire This Whole Time with only irina and sloane in-the-know.#also the idea of irina first coming to the us as an innocent who genuinely believed that she was doing the right thing;#only to leave with all her principles lost and no longer human.#irina to jack in 203 of this verse: does sydney know? does sydney know that you're one of us?#you haven't told her have you. that you were the one who killed me.
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when you're disabled, being financially abused by your parents never ends
#so you're telling me that you got 5k this week from claiming me on your taxes#while hounding me about how i haven't been contributing enough to bills & expenses (i was giving you what you asked for!)#and none of it will go to me because ''i owe it to you for living with you''#despite the fact that 5k nearly covers the mortgage for the entire YEAR#DESPITE THE FACT THAT I COULD PAY OFF MY OWN LANDLORD AND MOVE OUT#btw i literally only let her claim me on her taxes bc she said she'd be giving it to me. and this is the third time she has done this.#promised me it wouldn't happen again. she used me.#she does this thing a lot#where she acts like she's helping people but only does it to hold it over their head#i told her i could have been paying her more for bills but she told me i didn't have to#and now she's complaining that i don't pay enough#i will literally tell her not to help me sometimes#bc she'll do it anyway and then later on you hear ''i did something nice for you so if you don't help me with a favor right now...#...I'll do everything I can to sabotage your life''#so she literally only does it for personal gain#so that she can have an excuse to feel like she's better than all of her kids and that we're just stupid ungrateful assholes#all 3 of her kids could be telling her that her logic is wrong and she won't budge#another thing that happened recently is that she told me i needed to pay her back for a gift she bought me that got stolen#which is also something she does a lot. buys me things without asking and then telling me i have to pay her back for them#i had way more stuff stolen that i had personally bought#i didn't ask for that fucking keyboard sorry. I ALREADY HAD ONE.#and she's been going on about how ''she's the one who's ACTUALLY being affected''#she is FULLY AWARE that the dude she lets over has stolen from us MULTIPLE times#but apparently it's my responsibility to pay her back for something out of my control#STOP BUYING ME SHIT AND TELLING ME I DON'T NEED TO PAY YOU MORE IF YOU'RE JUST GONNA HOLD IT OVER MY HEAD#IF I'M SUCH A BURDEN MAKE IT POSSIBLE FOR ME TO LEAVE#.bdo
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Soooooo glad i’m not the only mickbell enjoyer; the family dynamic makes me insane 😭
THANK YOU SAAAAME!!!! Like we see Daya critiquing their relationship and assuming Kuro is being used but Kabru (who is the best at understanding peoples' relationships and motivations!) is the one who recognizes "you're both really overprotective of each other, aren't you?" Like. They've both been through the worst in life and seen the absolute lowest of people and yet they have each other and love each other so fiercely they only want to be a comfort to each other. Mik is so scared of Kuro leaving her. Mik also started paying Kuro in food when HE HAD NOTHING... they started adventuring together... they're brothers!! Mik just has no idea how to have a healthy sibling relationship!!!! I completely understand why it seems like a lot of people see "he's underpaying the cute dog that was a SLAVE" and are turned off by her but there's SO MUCH MORE GOING ON THERE THAN DAYA SEES. IN MY O PINION
#again. my genderqueer mikbell agenda#that comic where mik and kuro go to the baths is what made me open up to them personally. now you're the cleanest dog in the world...#now no one will be able to look down on you... like that's what love looks like 😭#im not saying their love is the HEALTHIEST but it's a story. complicated relationships are my bread and butter. i love them#and i think it's sooooo important that Kuro's bio takes care to mention#he doesnt care about the wealth or the fame from the dungeon.#he just wants to see the world WITH MIK.#AND ANOTHER THING!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mik told Kuro to go do whatever he wanted! i think if kuro wanted to leave mik would let him. and that's why#it is so scary for her to see kuro learning from kabru WHO SHE KNOWS IS KIND OF A RAT LMAO. she's afraid of being alone again...#or (and?) of kuro being taken advantage of by someone charismatic...
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Do you ever read a post where someone is explaining a pokitical thing and from the way they're saying you know with absolute certainty 1) they got their info from a tumblr post and have never actually followed up on how feasible that information actually is to act upon (they may not even have checked if it was CORRECT, but when they do they have clearly not looked into how easy or hard it may be to follow those instructions with a positive outcome), and 2) you know WHICH tumblr post they're quoting because it is basically a copy/paste of it, and 3) it was YOUR goddamn post and the thing they are saying is entirely counter to the point you were making when you said it to the point that you genuinely wonder if they just like. Memory-holed the entire context once they saw that one itty bitty point.
It's like the motherfuckiny dating apps all over again. I do not want people to love my words if they are not actually willing to do the work of understanding them! Didn't your kindergarten ever make you play Telephone to teach you how heresay falls out????
#sometimes i feel like a prized 12 point buck and everyone is desperate to give chase so they can skin me and wear my pelt in memorium#the luxury of being seen is rarely extended to those we perceive as confident/constant in their sense of self#the path of being a child who was constantly told i was making people uncomfortable and alienating my peers#only to immediately become an adult who everyone perceives as so together that they are just Like That With Everyonr#brennan said something like this in the disection of a recent misfits and magic episode about sam (character)#and how he (as evan) realized that the charm and specialness she gifts to everyone around her means that no one ever really gifts it back#and how that fundamentally felt transcendent and revelatory for evan as a turning point idea#he'd spent so long never trusting others feelings of care for him that he couldn't see how he was bulldozing right into and over sam's own#insecurities about whether or not she is worth loving or is special in the same way#and then they had some back and forth about like#sometimes when you develop the skill of relateability and pacification#you disappear so deeply into it that no one notices you're gone - even you yourself - until it's too late#it put to words a lot of the like#gap. that i've always felt between me and others. this insistance on elevating or pathologizing me depending on where they feel the need#to be in relation to me#while having absolutely zero awareness of my actual positioning in relation to them#i have found that they way i interact with others seems to give the impression that because i am being 'genuine' and 'open' about myself#that ALSO means that I am sharing the whole of me.#and when i talk about destigmatization and shame and people work really hard to be like. aware of the edges of me to carch me embarrassed#like if they can prove that i don't 'admit' something it's because i'm ashamed as opposed to considering that maybe they don't have the kind#of relationship with me that would warrant the sharing of it#because i'm willing to talk i am no longer allowed privacy or it's treated as incongruous#but like. i am different people for different people and they are all authentically me but they are also about faciliting the version#of the other person that matters to me to be able to spend time with. i'm not going to bring the parts of me that put you in a bad mood#or aren't comfortable/safe for you. also probably not going to put those things out into the open world as a mixed company conversation#i don't know where I'm going or where I came from here but i think the point is just that I think there's melancholy in seeing when#you also don't know a reliable way to be seen in turn
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The sleepover scene always breaks my heart 😭 literally me at 12
#ik Marcy was being like annoying and talking about shit anne and sasha didn't care about#but it still hurts when sasha tells her to her face that she doesn't care 😭😭#i remember being told all the time that I shouldn't talk about things other people don't care about#or about uncommon interests#so I started to lie about the things I liked. whenever someone asked me what music I liked I said ''anything'' as if I didn't stay up at#4 am reading obscure lore from a conceptual album about a family of necromancers in 19th century north america written by a florida man#same with books and movies and all i just said I watched disney channel or something#even if my true obsession was stephen king or communist literature or just. late night wikipedia rabbit holes#like on time you learn to stop talking about people irl about your stuff and put it alllll on a tumblr blog#but at 13 you're so embarrassingly passionate and excited that you can't keep your mouth shut#and you're humilliating yourself and commiting social suicide because it takes you just a little bit longer than your pears to learn how to#act normal and read the room and stuff#wow marcy really do be like me fr#my posts#oh well that's what college is for thankfully! you get to be surrounded by people who share at least one (1) obsession with you now!#so you can make friends and meet up and just yap yap yap about mid century criticism of linguistic relativism#or functional-structuralist analysis of myths#i still do wanna find friends to talk about dragons about tho
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Neta: *sigh*....... .......
Ikkan: nervous?
Neta:......a little bit yeah.....
Ikkan: *hehehe*...... Don't be nervous, you have nothing to be nervous about I'll be right here.... And after this I'll be here forever
Neta: till death do us part
Ikkan: till death do us part...(Peck).... Fix your tie....and ..... perfect.....now.......let's get married
[wedding music]
officiant: Good evening everyone, friends family we are guided here today to celebrate life's greatest moments and to cherish the words which shall unite Neta Verns
Neta: *smiling*.....*sniff*.......hehe
Officiant: and Ikkan Kane
Ikkan: *smiling*.....*sigh*.....
Officiant: you would like to exchange your vows
Neta: I'd like to go..............*sigh*...... ikkan.... I always look back and remember the first time we first met.
Ikkan: heheh
Neta: you were very standoffish and quiet heh You're also a little bit mean just a little bit
Ikkan: heheh
Neta: If something told me that that really wasn't you. I'm so happy My hunch was right. Ikkan You're kind, You're soft-spoken, you're so patient ....*crying*... I'm sorry........ Getting to see you everyday. Your smile, hearing your laugh and listening to you speak ....*sniff*...about your interest. Your passionate rants about Arpeggio and crescendo I still don't know what that means but I love hearing you say it....
Ikkan: ehhehehehe
Neta: that's the smile I like to see.... I love you Ikkan you're my best friend and I am truly grateful I'm going to live the rest of my life with you I-
[Alright he's been in there long enough. Pull him up]
Neta: what!?......... what!?..... what's happening!!....*cough*.....….*cough*.....what the fuck!!... what's going on?!
Octoling Superior: alright Verns you've been in the pit long enough. Time to get back to training. All chargers are outside doing target practice. Take your weapon and go out with the rest of them.
Neta: what?
Octoling Superior: go outside and do tragic practice. Your punishment is over go
Neta: but-but-but I was getting married! *huff* Where's my husband?! My store?! I had a store and my family.....*huff*..*huff*.... Cirrina......my daughter ......what happened to my crab cakes?!!.*huff*.......
Octoling soldier: *hehe* what's he talking about?
Octoling Superior: I've heard if you stay in the ink pit long enough without interaction the brain starts to hallucinate and starts making things up......to keep it self sane. He'll be fine.
Neta:*huff*huff**huff**sobbing**huff**huff**huff**huffhuffhuffhufff......AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaah-HA!!.. what?…..huh?..................*huff*.........................*huff*...................*huff*............*huff*.........*huff*.......*huff*........ where is it? Where is it?... here.....*huff*...[squeeze]
Plushie recording: Hi! Demersal the grounding fish! I'm going to ask a few questions ok?... can you name 3 you can see?
Neta:... my dresser......*huff*...my bed....my bass
Recording:.............good job!.....can you tell 3 things you can feel?
Neta:...my bed sheets....my clothes....*huff*....cold floor.....
Recording:..........okay!!....can you tell me where you are?
Neta:......*sigh*....my apartment
Recording:...............good job! Do you know what time it is? The short hand is the hour and the long hand is the minute!
Neta: I know that.... it's...6:47a.m.
Recording:.............. wow! Now can tell me about yourself how old are you!
Neta: ......................35.......
Recording: .........wow! wow!you're so big!
Neta: fuckyou
Recording:what's your name?
Neta: Neta
Recording:.........that's a nice name! We're almost done let's count back to 10 together! Ready?!10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1
Neta 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1......uggghh
Recording: you're doing so well let's take a deep breath ok? Breath in.....
Neta: [inhale]
Recording: now Breath out
Neta: [exhale]
Recording: you are safe.... I'm so proud of you! It's ok to feel overwhelmed sometimes. I know it can be really hard.. just Remember your grounding technique and don't forget to self-sooth!...stay safe hehe bye bye
Neta: you're lucky Behi gifted you to me...if it wasn't for him you would've been sold decades ago.........[chuck] ..............[inhale] [exhale]................ nibbles come here......Did I scare you off the bed?....*kiss*.. . I'm sorry..............hm?...
Mahi:*sleeping*....
Neta: heheh...*huff*...fish still here?.......heh makes sense...
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Mahi: *yawn*..........ummm....uggg....... Neta you need to get a better couch this one sucks.....oh....
Neta: no.... I don't want you to come home... Not for something as dumb as a nightmare ..hehe....I'm fine.I know..i know I know babe I get that... You shouldn't have to drop everything for me..... I know you don't mind it but I do.... I hate that.... yeah I understand........ yeah........ yeah............................. You're right.......................*sigh*....no......I still don't want you to come home..... Can you at least stay on the phone with me for a while?....... Pancakes... I think I buried some hehehehe.....*sigh*... No.... it looks fine. A little dark in the middle..... It should be fine... You cook better than I do..... What are you doing?..... Why are you milking them by hand I thought you had a machine for that........ Oh she's scared of it? awwww poor manatee......... An hour? it takes an hour to get a full bucket of milk?....... Okay that's fair. They are big...I-(gasp).... Mahi!..[inhale exhale]........ How long have you been sitting there
Mahi: couple minutes..... Can I have a pancake
Neta:. .................... Yeah, I'm fine. No, it's just my employee, yeah fish still here......... I'll call you when I get to work..... I love you too...bye................... How many pancakes do you want?
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Mahi: *eating*......
Neta:*eating*.......
Mahi: *eating*.... pancakes are good
Neta: *eating* thank you
Mahi: how do to make them shape like little octopuses
Neta:...Cirrina bought cookie cutter sets years ago. sometimes use them for molds for pancakes..... I use it for eggs too...*sniff*...........*sigh*............ I have to get ready for work.....[stretch].......[POP]...mmmmm......fuck not today knee...ssssss
Mahi:...*eating*....you know you really should try investing in a knee brace I think my friend has a couple of them I can see if she can give you one
Neta: that's nice........
Mahi: so I know you have to go to work and everything in a couple minutes. Would it be too much to ask to drive me to campus I got to go to the library and do some studying
Neta: Alright..... We'll leave 15 minutes... Do you have clothes to get dressed in?
Mahi: no
Neta: we can just find something in the drawer.....
Mahi: can I borrow these jeans?
Neta: Yeah sure. I don't think they don't fit you tho
Mahi: they fit me just fine I just need to cut the pants legs
Neta: *sigh*. . You know you might as well just take the rest of my old clothes. I'm never going to fit em again anyway
Mahi: really?
Neta: yeah really I insist I really don't care. You can have them
Mahi: are you sure?....
Neta: you know what I'll just give them to my daughter she doesn't listen to 'Cyrus in the cyclones' but I think she'll like the Cool vintage look of it
Mahi: no gimme! Don't give it to her! She'll just ruin it and turn it into a jagged uneven crop top! _______________________________________________
Ikkan: I finished milking tulip
Koi-koi: That's good hun. We'll have it pasteurized tomorrow. Just keep it in the fridge in the shed
Ikkan: alright
Cirrina: I'm going out..
Koi-koi: and where do you think you're going?
Cirrina: I need to go into the city The ferry leaves in an hour
Koi-koi: I don't think so. You haven't finished your chores you were supposed to refill the Manatee feed today and You're supposed to mix up the compost in the back.
Cirrina: I know I'll get to when I get back
Koi-koi: noooo... You will do it now. Young lady, I'm not like your father or your grandfather when I say do something you do it now. You can take the next ferry
Cirrina: but I-
Koi-koi: no buts young lady
Cirrina: I'm meeting someone
Koi-koi: meeting who Exactly?
Cirrina:.............a friend
Koi-koi: ....a friend? What friend?
Cirrina: (blush)......he's a boy
Koi-koi: a boy?.....
Cirrina: ... yeah....
Koi-koi: where is he taking you?
Cirrina: a museum, around town
Koi-ko:........ A museum?........................................,........ Be home by 9:00......... Here get yourself some food maybe a souvenir.
Cirrina: you're cool grandma....
Koi-koi: uh-huh whatever...... When you get home you'll do the chores that you were supposed to do and..... You wash the dishes
Cirrina: alright
_______________________________________________
Baja: did you see the commercial mom?
Baja's mom: I saw the commercial... I am so proud of you sweetheart You're going to be on TV how exciting
Baja: I know ... I still can't believe it
Baja's mom: this is going to open up so many opportunities. The benefits will be nice. You have a nice paycheck and a lot of money, make sure you save some of it. You're going to make so many new friends!!
Baja: yeah hehe I hope I do...
Baja's mom: I know you have problems making friends.
Baja: mmmmm
Baja's mom: You're a sweet boy you really are
Baja: thank mom
Baja mom: you know this might be the perfect time for you to find someone
Baja: fine who?
Baja's mom: A partner! Ohhhhhh I'm so happy for you honey. You can go on dates. You can meet new people. You'll be married in no time?
Baja: uhhhhh I guess....... I'm going to be really honest Mom. I don't really think I want to do that right now
Baja's mom: Well I don't want to rush you but it's good to start... You know your brother is already married and your sister is on her fifth kid...
Baja: Mom
Hine (Baja's mom): I know. I know I shouldn't compare my kids but let me just finish. Your siblings are no older than you and they've already have their lives set up and I don't want you to fall behind
Baja:Mom, I'm not falling behind. I-I just...ugh....... I'm just....... I'm just not good at dating and seeing people
Hine: What on Earth do you mean baby?! you're not good at dating? Honey, you're the most talkative and social person in the family! How could you think you're not good at dating? You're a real catch
Baja:.........
Hine: What about that fella you told me about? I looked him up, I didn't really like the images I saw .. what about him? I thought you liked him?
Baja: We broke up
Hine: you broke up?....*sigh*...... So you're single?........ So what are you just......... Are you just sleeping around?
Baja: (blush)..NO! I'M NOT
Hine:Sweetie, don't be embarrassed. A lot of young adults have casual sex ...I'm just saying you know eventually you need to settle down and-
Baja:I'm not.. I'm not..... I'm not having sex. I never had it
Hine:....…Well that's ok. Personally I waited to get married to-
Sibling: HA! VIRGIN!
Hine: Maui! What did I tell you about eavesdropping! Go!.............*sigh*....... Sweetheart..... I don't want to put pressure on you sweetie...... I just don't want you to be alone we're not good when we're alone... I want you to have a family
Baja: I'm not alone. I have a family. I have you and my siblings..........and Desmond I guess
Hine: we can't live forever honey you're going to need to find someone eventually.
Baja:................... alright..... I'll try to find someone...
Hine: I know you'll find someone there's someone out there for everyone including you sweetie....
Baja: ........ yeah.....l love you.... bye
Hine: I love you too
Baja:.....................danm
Hitch: we're filming in 15!
_______________________________________________
Bayou: this painting is a. Self-portrait of Joyce Veair she was our firat prime minister
Cirrina: wow... she's gorgeous she painted this herself
Bayou: Yes... She has so many paintings around the world. She even has one in Museum d'Alfonsino
Cirrina: really...... She's very talented.
Bayou: not only that, she was very intelligent and very outspoken....
Cirrina: what's this one
Bayou: this is a sculpture made entirely out of urchin spines it was made by tosh monui. Every month he'd shed his old spines. He would collect them and Stick them in a ball of wax until the ball was completely covered in spineies. After he'd take the rest to make a body, he would call them mace men because they look like maces with a body. He soon started to model them after cave drawings of primitive urchin
Cirrina: that's amazing....oh what's this one. This one is beautiful
Bayou: this one is called 'home'
Cirrina: it's a beautiful landscape....who is by?....... This piece was painted by One of the top students in krillarney School of arts and it's one of the youngest to be presented in This museum she has won several awards and has several nominations. We are privileged to have her in a museum This piece is called home by Bayou Ster..............wow same name as you
Bayou:.........ehehehehehe Cirrina. That's me this is my work.
Cirrina: oh..hehehe I'm stupid........ It's really nice. You're really talented....
Bayou: thank you.... This is one of my favorite paintings I used an old picture of my nan's old home.
Cirrina: I love the texture and the hills and trees. It's even in the river.... Do you have more paintings here?
Bayou: I have this big painting over here. This one took me a whole month to finish this one..... I rode the fairy everyday just to get the perfect reference for crashing waves
Cirrina: wow .. . it's amazing
Bayou: it's almost 6 do you want to get something to eat. We can go to Mrs Cuddles to get some fried cod and hush puppies
Mrs Cuddles: Harold, bring these pines to table 7!...
Bayou: hi Mrs Cuddles!
Mrs Cuddles: Bayou how are you darling, Cirrina! Ohhhh... You two hungry? Let me get you something Harold, drop two more cod in the fryer!!..... You to relax. I'll get you ladies some sodas while you wait
Bayou: thank you!
Cirrina: thanks............................................. So you're probably going to think I'm really dumb but for the past 3 days I thought you were a guy
Bayou:.............hehehehe Did you?.must be the tentacle cut huh?
Cirrina: hehehe... yeah...hehehe... I'm sorry.....
Bayou: If I'm being real here I don't identify with anything in particular...if you see me as a guy I don't mind it
Cirrina: if you don't identify as that I don't want to
Bayou: I see myself as everything and nothing, masculine and feminine and anything in-between. I really don't mind Cirrina
Cirrina: All right if you put it that way hehehe
Mrs Cuddles: here you go! Fresh cod and a large bag of hush puppies for the road!
Cirrina: thanks how much do I owe you?
Mrs Cuddles: nonsense it's on the house. Kiddies eat for free here. Once you reach the age to drink you have to pay
Cirrina: thanks Mrs Cuddles!....
_______________________________________________
Neta: *humming*...(Pat)..*humming*....(Pat)......
Ona:.........
Candi: *snoring*........*snoring*.......
Tv
Baja:What is music at midnight? Well as the names in the title says we're going to be talking about music and it's going to be airing during midnight.
Announcer: music at midnight a new late night talk show! Premieres tonight only on O.E.T!
Neta:.....*sigh*....... ikkan would love this show. .........me and him cuddling watching TV at midnight. Under a blanket surrounded by pillows...................... I miss him....
Ona: [baby noises]
Neta: yeah? You would like the show too Ona?
Bowie: what are you watching?
Neta: Bowie go back to bed. It's past your bedtime, go back upstairs with your mom
Bowie: but she snores too loud!
Neta: Bowie.. .... okay
Bowie: what's in this room?
Neta: noooo that's my daughter's room you can't go in there....let's sit down on the couch..... come on........(click).....why don't we watch 'Ollie? ...you like Ollie
Bowie: alright
Tv
[Music]........Mom!..[music].......Dad!.........[music].......Leo!......[music]...........OLLIE!
Bowie: hehe
Neta: you need to lay down. try to get some sleep before your dad picks you up. You start preschool soon, you need a proper sleep schedule.
Bowie: okay
Ona: [fussy baby noises]
Neta: you need to sleep too young lady ......
Ona [crying]
Neta: someone is hungry..... Come on baby girl. Let's get you something to eat and fresh dia-(gasp).....*sigh*..... I need to put a bell on you
Mahi: I need to finish my homework I won't be annoying I promise.
Neta: where's Baja should he be at home with you?
Mahi: He's at work... They're doing a test stream or something or whatever
Ona: [crying]
Neta:.......*sigh*... Alright ........ I have some left overs in the fridge if you want anything.... Can you watch Bowie? Just make sure he's sleeping or watching TV as long as he's quiet.....
Mahi: ......(typing) alright
Neta: come on Ona....
_______________________________________________
Cirrina: ..... that was pretty good
Bayou: Yes I go there every other Sunday....
Cirrina: I leave on Sunday.... Maybe I can get another one before I leave....... Is that a music store?
Bayou: The old music store? Ye.....you play an instrument?
Cirrina: I play the cello .... It's nothing impressive really..... Second chair trying to get first chair in high school
Bayou: wow I'd like to see you play
Cirrina: no...nooo I-I couldn't .... You were going to take me to the cafe
Bayou: come on... Let's go inside....... We have plenty of time
Cirrina: ehhhhhh ok..... ...
Bayou: excuse me do you have a Cello we can try out?
Employees: sure.....hol up...let meh jest.......unlock.....here ya are..... .
Bayou: here you go Cirrina
Cirrina: [playing Bach: Cello Suite No. 1]
Bayou: [clap]...[clap] ...wow brains and beauty
Cirrina: (blush)..........you don't mean that
Bayou: I do .... You really talented
Cirrina: hehehe.............
Bayou:................
Cirrina: It's getting dark. I need to go home.
Bayou: Yeah why don't I take you to the cafe and get something to go and I can walk you to the ferry....{takes hand}
Cirrina: I'd like that.
_______________________________________________
Candi: mmmmmmm.....*yawn*........*huff*........(Squeak).....hm?
Plushie
Recording: I believe in you and your strength to keep fighting
Candi: Demersal?....... Do they still give these out?.....(Squeeze)
Recording: sometimes bad things happen and they're out of our control. It wasn't your fault
Candi: Cod I hated this thing ........ alright where are my kids? .... I'm well rested and ready to go........hey Neta..(toss)...
Neta:...ow......... hey........(Pat).......(Pat)......(Pat)
Bowie: *sleeping*..........
Candi: thanks for watching the kids. Donn had to go back to work today...*yawn*...... just needed a break..
Neta: no problem
Candi: how's Ona doing?
Ona:*sleeping*.......
Neta: she's fine......
Candi: .. That's good.. .... why do you still have this thing?
Neta: it was a gift... I got it when I was a kid...I just can't give it away
Candi:............
Neta: What! Ok what did you do with yours?
Candi: I ripped out the voice box and gave it to Bowie. He then threw up on it so I threw it away. Kids...
Neta: yeah... I had an old blanket I used to wrap her in. One blowout later and it was in the trash
Candi: hehehehe... Don't you just love being a parent sometimes?
Neta: heheheh.... Don't tell her I told you that she would kill me.. hehehdhe
Mahi:.......guys
Candi: hi mahi..........
Mahi: hey
Candi: ....... Donn's outside I got to get going.... Neta do you mind?
Neta: *scooping up Bowie*....yeeep let's go.....
_______________________________________________
Cirrina: I really enjoyed this.. I had fun.
Bayou: I had fun too Cirrina. I really like you
Cirrina: I like you too ..........................
Bayou:...............
Cirrina:...........
Bayou:..........*leaning in*............[kiss].....
Cirrina: [kiss]........ Hehehe
Bayou: hehehehehe
Cirrina: (blush)..... I- I need to go....uh
Bayou: I'll text you.......[peck]
Cirrina: bye......
_______________________________________________
Neta: alright!! Drive safe!!!!.....*sigh*......... mahi go home.
Mahi: I just got here! And I'm not being annoying. Please can I stay just one more night please
Neta: No, I didn't sleep well last night and I just had to babysit two kids. Let me have my peace. You've been staying here for a week. You practically live here. I need to clean up, I need to do the dishes and vacuum the floor, laundry .. I need to clean out nibbles's box. I need to make this place look like I wasn't wallowing in my own loneliness. All right
Mahi: you can do that when I'm here. It's not going to bother you
Neta: mahi goooooo home.....
Mahi: please can I say one more night please? I won't complain about the couch
Neta: no..... good bye
Mahi: but my apartment is quiet. You complain about wallowing in your loneliness. What about me you don't think I'm wallowing
Neta: get a pet or something ... (SLAM)
Mahi: (bang).....(bang)...... Where do I get a pet
Neta:AAAAAAAAAHHHH........*sigh*.. . . You can stay. This is your last night here. Tomorrow I will take you to the pet store after work pick out whatever you want and leave me alone..
Mahi: thanks Neta!
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@fish-at-fish-fish-resort mahi go home
#ok so demersal is based off this plush my grandma gave me.#i used to get really bad panic attacks so she gave this bear that had her voice recordings of grounding technique#she also put in corny things like it's ok to cry I have a very love-hate relationship with it so yeah#demersal the grounding fish was based off a teddy bear my grandma gave me#except this is more shallow and empty and is given to soldiers in military it's in all the hospital/ e-ward gifts shops#it's kida like a write of passage (inside joke) in the military to give fellow soldiers the fish plush#as a good job you passed training/ graduated/ survived a very traumatic event#behi gave it to Neta unironically#and ironically#mahi on the emo to punk pipe line and what's more punk then wearing clothes older than you given by your manager#koi-koi being a girls girl letting her granddaughter skipped chores to go on a date#she wants to know everything about the date of course#Baja's mom means well she's just with the times schooling fish used to rely on marriage and dating to be social#now they just stay in their bosses apartment for long periods of time so they won't be alone or share beds with their roommate#i could be wrong feel free to correct me#that moment when you have your first kiss and sapphic experience overseas but if you told your friends they'd think you're lying#bayou the he/him lesbian teenage heart throb yay#I'm being honest I think I might make Cirrina a separate character from the rest of the story#but she's still going to be here but there's also going to be another one outside of this. just a personally mine idk#i want to work on a y2k aesthetic queer girl hood shit and Cirrina and Bayou are perfect for that#neta being the designated babysitter when the parent is at work or too tired to function#he even stayed in the mall after closing because Phoebe's mom had to go to work for an emergency#Ollie is a very obvious ripoff of bluey but that's what the kids and adults with parental issues love so whatever#some Candi lore I guess she went to a military school but never went into the military she's just a jrotc kid but not insufferable#mahi is getting a pet yay#'the pit' is a vat of ink if you misbehave you are put in the pit to dissolve in the ink and left there for a long amount of time#think of it as solitary confinement#neta
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