#thinking about how irina turning him - IRINA KILLING HIM - fits into their canon dynamic.

[juliareed]

There is a lighthouse In the middle of the deep And I'm still stranded on the shoreline there And nobody hears me scream

[nihilnovisubsole]

oh hey it’s a shipping meme

kamibanani tagged me in this over a month ago, and i’ve been meaning to do it ever since, oops. time to take a stroll around the fandom block again

warning in advance, this is very long. i’ve contained the chaos under the cut!

1. Ultimate OTP

i already know this is a cop-out, but i really couldn’t pick one, because all the ships i’ve written have filled important roles in different parts of my life

nancy and butch were the first ship i let myself ship “in earnest,” instead of doing ship art and fanfic while loathing myself for it. in the same way, oleg and rosie went a long way toward getting rid of my sense of shame about doing shippy/romantic creative work. they’re an inherently ridiculous couple in an inherently ridiculous story, so i took it as a given that it was silly and pressed on.

zaeed and irina are kind of a reminder to myself that you have to let yourself be human to be in a relationship. you can’t be a marble statue. you have to be vulnerable. your partner will see you with no makeup, and find out what turns you on. they’re also in some ways about being embarrassed about who you’re attracted to, and struggling to reconcile who you are with who you think you should be. tgoed was another big, messy meatloaf about my relationship with men - how i love them but struggle with my fear of them hurting me, which makes jo snarky and dominant and sad and lonely all at once.

i can already tell this is going to be a monster of a post, so i’d better move on, oops

2. A ship you’ll always love

i still don’t want to make myself try to pick one, so it’s more a question of what relationship models i like

i like battle couples, i like snarky couples who play fight, i like couples who are understated about their affections for each other. any DINK couples will end up at least somewhere up there on my list, for many sappy reasons that i won’t bore you with. most of all, i like couples who know they don’t need each other, but they want to be with each other anyway, because it makes life that much better.

i also like when characters have a flaw that they’re able to overcome with love, because even if it’s not always realistic, it’s really satisfying to read. we may not be responsible for “fixing” our partners, but isn’t it nice when a relationship is a positive influence on someone? isn’t it nice to think that one character could bring out the best in another, and make the other want to do the same for them? again, i’m getting too deep here.

3. Your current obsession

hands down, marcus and livia, my favorite rogue girl and strong-eyebrowed boy. i’ve spent two years working with them for dangerous crowns and i still haven’t gotten tired of them.

i was talking to my mother about this over dinner the other night: marcus and livia know they’re at their best when they’re combined. marcus is the trope of the great general who’s bad at politics. i’ve said that before - he’s a shrewd tactician, but a blunt object at court. he’s also gotten everything in life by playing by the rules, so he’s squeamish about breaking them - and when he tries, the results can be unpredictable. livia, on the other hand, has enough guile for both of them. she can play courtiers like a fiddle, and has decades of spy skills to get her out of trouble. however, if she’s not careful, she gets too vigilante sometimes. she’s used to street justice, and marcus has to talk her down from some of her more drastic instincts.

neither one of them would be able to save histria by themselves. but together, they’re a serious threat, because they shield each other’s weak spots. and when things get dark and they do find themselves tilting toward a moral cliff, it’s their love for each other that pulls them back from the edge.

you know me, i could talk about marcus and livia all day. i don’t want to make the story out to be more than it is, but i put a lot of thought into them.

4. A ship you never thought you’d like

to be honest, i never saw myself getting into dragon age at all, in part because none of the love interests jumped out at me. and then i was like, “oh, who am i kidding? i write ships with unromanceable characters all the time.”

so, uh, congratulations, varric and carmine! you got me into a whole IP. sure, both my halfway-developed dragon age characters ended up being companion OCs instead of wardens, hawkes, or inquisitors, but whatever. since when have i enjoyed a game the way it was meant to be enjoyed

5. A ship you liked but don’t anymore

well, there was that kaidan/irina thing a few years ago. i know, i’m sorry, it’s the one i bring up every time.

kaidan and irina had the problem of being nice on paper, but thoroughly incompatible. kaidan is open with his affections. irina’s embarrassed by that. kaidan is casual. irina is formal to an infuriating fault. kaidan wants to keep the line of communication open at all times - he wants to talk about feelings, he wants you to be vulnerable so he can help. irina turns inward. she wants to suffer in private and come back in her own time. that would make kaidan pry further, which would make irina hide more, et cetera.

zaeed is more distant. that doesn’t sound healthy for her, but it’s actually what irina is more comfortable with. zaeed has been around enough to realize that she needs space, and also to know that her relationship demons have nothing to do with him. not how she needs to be perfect, not the shame she feels about sex, none of it. it’s not that he doesn’t care. it’s just that he knows better than to ask. zaeed has seen the weirdest, most strung-out parts of the galaxy. a woman who has trouble expressing her feelings is not that big a deal.

i feel bad for kaidan fans every time i talk about this one. i really don’t dislike him, the ship was just a bad fit. sometimes you write something thinking it’s going to be great, but the more you dig into it, the more you realize it doesn’t work.

6. A ship you think should be canon

i hate to admit it, but i prefer it when the few non-OC ships i like are never "confirmed onscreen,” and stay in the realm of unresolved tension. the payoff rarely satisfies me as much as what fans come up with. i think it’s the same principle people talk about with “showing the monster” in horror movies - the audience’s imagination is more effective than anything you can show them. [i’ve heard this attributed to hitchcock, but i can’t be sure it’s him.]

the ideal for me is when creators leave characters’ love lives blank, so i can smoosh an OC against them and thoroughly run away with it. my city now! my city now!! ｍｙ ｃｉｔｙ ｎｏｗ！！！

7. A canon ship you hate

bold of you to assume i’m actually going to say anything negative about the [various, but rare] canon ships i dislike that much

8. A ship you’ve shipped for years

at some point or other, i always come back to 47 and diana, mainly because they seem to pull through whatever challenges their franchise throws at them. i’ve already talked way too much about why i like their dynamic, so i’ll just link back to this post instead of putting you through another round of it!

9. A ship everyone loves but you don’t care about

going back to question 7, “a canon ship you hate,” this is what happens with like, almost every popular ship i see. it takes a lot of awfulness for me to sit up and go, “oh god, that ship.” either that, or it has to involve one of the tropes on my instant-kill list. even when a canon/canon ship is good - maybe even great! - i’m so used to “cooking my own food,” it has to really jump out at me for me to get attached to it.

99 times out of 100, ships float by me like a gentle breeze. it’s like that meme of the video game dad:

10. Favorite rare-pair

oh, come on, look at who you’re talking to 😂 this entire meme is rarepairs, i don’t know how to ship anything else!