#if you were ever a little kid that wanted a dog badly lol
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soviet-furries · 11 days ago
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The Mitten (ВарДжĐșĐ°)
Soyuzmultfilm, 1967
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havin-fun-imagining-twd · 1 month ago
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It felt so real.
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What - Yearning. Daryl misses you and your family so badly that it seems his imagination is dreaming you up to keep him from going crazy
When - big time jump to when Daryl finds himself in France (spinoff season 1, episode 2)
Where - the school in France
Pronouns - she/her (howdy, wife reader!)
TWs - language, reference to child loss, self-loathing, sappiness (it's fanfiction, y'all XD ) and Daryl gets a little...'excited' (mild instance of sexual arousal between a married couple)
Perspective - Daryl 3rd person POV
References - some are yet unpublished because this is a significant time skip, which means a few little surprises. Others can be found throughout the series!
Series? - the Slowpoke Series! It's a fun, slow time that sticks to canon to help maintain immersion (as much as you can with adding an oc lol) ;)
Can I read this chapter if I haven't started any part of the Slowpoke Series yet? - definitely
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“It's so good to hold you again, sugar.”
Those words, that voice, made him relax into the bed. She was there again! He’d last imagined her when he was being tended to by those nuns, so it was only, what, a handful of days ago?
Wasn’t enough for him, he missed her so much.
“Dare, I want them all. Full stop, every last one.”
He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I knew you’d say that.”
“As if you aren’t wantin’ to take at least a handful. All those kids with just an old woman to care for them
well, now she’s dead, but
” She sighed and held him tighter. “Lou reminds me of Enid. Don’t you think they look similar? M’sorry her name had to be Lou. A lot of things over here are making you homesick, ain’t they? And that poor boy in Maine, named TJ, too.”
He pulled her closer, doing his best to not wake himself up so Y/N would stay with him. He wished that kid, with same name as his oldest, has just gone back to his girlfriend like he'd told him to.
“Our own Louise lights a candle with me for you every day. Those nuns would be proud.”
He swore to himself that whenever these dreams happen, there’s got to be some way it isn’t just all in his head. It was way too real.
It felt so, so real.
But that Louise was lighting candles for him, he knew because Carol told him when she spoke to him briefly over the radio in Maine...
“Did Carol also mention that Lydia’s been drawing you? Or did I write part that in the letter?”
“The letter. Carol and I didn't have much time to say anything.” Y/N wrote him a long, long letter. One part mentioned how both Lydia and Glenn took to getting nightmares again after he left. At Maggie’s suggestion, Lydia had been drawing his picture. Apparently it helps her feel safer.
RJ had been 'retreating more than usual,' also. Adam was acting out, too, so she wrote. If Daryl was figuring it right, the boys losing another father figure probably hadn’t helped.
“Dare, he’s three. Three-year-olds don’t only act out with foster parents, Adam would be doin’ the same with Alden. And RJ is without Michonne right now. That's the greater culprit.”
His wife also wrote how Coco just started calling her ‘mama,’ and correcting her to say ‘auntie’ wasn’t working yet. She chalked it up to her being a motherly figure and the baby assuming all caring ladies were ‘mama.’ He wondered if Gabe knew yet. Ain’t like Y/N hasn’t been a mama to that little girl since Rosita died. Actually, nah, Gabe obviously knew; Y/N would’ve (legit) run to him immediately and told him what was up.
The faces of all their kids ran through his mind over and over, Lydia and Judith and RJ included. Then his wife’s face. Carl. Adam. Hershel. Gracie. Coco. Carol. Ezekiel. Maggie. Rosita. Aaron. Jesus. Jerry. Rick. Merle. T-Dog.
“Oo, I want to be here when T-Dog visits. Has he ever visited?” Y/N chirped.
He wished. “Once. I just think about him a lot.”
“Bummer. He must have been so thrilled when we actually did name our first after him, without you even tellin’ me nothing about how he’d teased you on it! Say, what about Uncle Jesse? Does he visit? He must’ve been happy TJ’s middle name is for him!”
He shook his head. You even visited me before I was smart enough to fall for you. When I fell down the ridge. It was you and Merle.
A sneezing from one of the kids in another part of the building resounded four times. It woke him briefly.
He closed his eyes, focused

It was okay, Y/N was there. Daryl breathed a sigh of relief.
“I am a mite surprised you didn’t take the floor anyway,” Y/N admitted, peeking over his side to look at where the nun Isabelle was laying down next to him. “Or share with Laurent so the two sisters could share.”
“Neither of them trust me enough for me to share a room with the boy. And she sounded like she didn’t want me on the floor. Must be that I’m gettin’ too old." All I feel these days is tired and sore. "Hell, I don’t think I could get up if I slept on the floor.”
Angel, I ain’t the same without you, I’m a fucking mess. Look at the shit show that I’ve made of things.
His wife whispered, “Hey. You know I can hear that, I’m from your imagination.”
“Y/N, I miss you so fucking much.” Baby, I’m so goddamned far from you all and I don’t know how I’m gonna get out this time.
“No cusses in front of the kids, Daryl,” She cupped her belly, the one he was imagining she might have again. Carol, when she spoke to him, used what little time there was to mention how Y/N was avoiding taking a test because she missed him too much. Y/N didn’t say nothing about it in her letter she'd packed in there during one of his home visits.
How’s that for a reason to hate yourself?
“You should,” shot back another familiar voice. “Leaving your own kin, leaving your woman. Ain’t you learned nothing, boy? Didn’t think you was that much of a deadbeat but here’s proof the apple didn’t fall far from the tree."
Merle.
Damn, it’d been ages!
"Yup. Nanu nanu," his brother mocked, waving his metal stump and glaring. "Here you are, in the white flag capital of the world, surrounded by Euro kooks instead of your own blood.”
“Oh, Daryl, don’t imagine him as cruel again!" Y/N cooed. "Let us both love you if you’re gonna go about having us here.”
Daryl breathed slowly so he wouldn’t wake up. When he felt level enough, he answered, “I don’t have much control over what y’all say.”
“I thought you had some control over it.” Y/N gently pushed his hair off his face. He loved it when she did that. Delicately, she examined the new scar gracing his forehead.
“I blame that old coot what you let whup you on the head as to why you’re seeing things,” his brother crooned.
His wife nodded. “Another concussion, you poor man. But this isn’t a hallucination, it’s just a dream. It’s that good kind of dream where you’re not fully awake but not fully asleep.” She trailed her hand along his forearm.
“Y/N, you’re too good for this sad sack.”
She fired back faster than Daryl knew his imagination could go. “Merle. You love your brother to death and you’re happy he got hisself a wife and family.” Y/N had pushed herself up to sitting in order to scold him. “Tell me you don’t swell with pride seein’ him be a good father and good husband. The cycle stopped with him, and you’re proud of it.”
Daryl, a hand protectively around his wife’s side, was busy trying to figure out what Merle was even doing, whittling?
Ah, he was eating an peach with the knife attached to his metal stump.
Weird, he thought ghosts didn’t eat.
“Maybe I ain’t a real ghost, retard,” was a blunt comeback. “Maybe I’m just a poor copy you conjured up in that concussed little head of yours.” Merle then turned to Y/N. “As for you, kitten, he left you and your brats! Left you when you was up the duff, left you when you don’t even got all your legs no more! How’s he supposed to protect you when he’s out here?”
“Merle William Dixon! I ain’t ‘kitten’ and those ‘brats’ are your nieces and nephews, dick. Noah’s middle name is even for you, so you best watch your mouth, hear?”
Merle smirked and sliced off another wedge from the peach. “There’s my sister-in-law. I had to make sure your square self at least still had that fire in ya.” He offered her a slice, but she crossed her arms.
The expression on her face was so disappointed it made Daryl’s chest tug.
His brother duly inclined his head in apology and raised his hands in surrender. “You’re right, ma’am. Y’all are doing a good job on them brats. And this sumbitch ain’t nothing like our old man, so there’s something.” Merle chopped another piece of fruit. “And it’s always a pleasure to roll with a fellow amputee, Y/N. Not many can relate to how trippy the phantom limb bullshit can get.”
She tilted her head in agreement, rubbed the spot above her prosthetic calf, and settled back down next to her husband with a big sigh. “I do wish Daryl imagined you in a kinder light, Merle, but, either way, I’m happy he watched Mork & Mindy because it got him thinkin’ about you — and now you’re here for him!” Her hand grazed along her bump. “And, you meant to say to him that I was possibly pregnant.”
“Dunno about that, sister, you’ve always seem to know when you been knocked up.”
“That ain’t incorrect,” she confessed, curling in on herself. “Even if I was, it’s possible we had a loss again, Merle. Whether early or late this time.”
“Another reason he shouldn’t be screwin’ around out here.” Merle next words sliced him as if his heart were the peach in his hands. “I'm angry for your own good, lady. What if you had to handle another kid's death, this time on your own?”
The bad memories crashed down like waves threatening to drown him in grief and guilt. He wanted to pummel his brother in the hopes Merle would best him and make him pay for leaving her.
But Merle wasn't actually there. Neither was Y/N. It was pretend. Daryl was just beating himself up in his head, and failing even at that.
Y/N said the words as Daryl thought them: “Why are you twisting the knife?” She swallowed and covered her face with her hands. “Maybe, this mission is w-worth the sacrifice of, of us not havin’ him here right now.”
No. It’s not.
I know you said that before I left to make it hurt less, but it’s not. Listen to your stutter, you know it ain’t.
I should be back there with you, not constantly leaving for weeks at a time. I'm supposed to be home now. I'd told Carol when I reached her on the radio back in Maine that I'd be there in a about a week, which is what she would've told you. This whole thing is horseshit!
“Darlin’, think on happier things or you’ll upset yourself awake or into another nightmare,” Y/N soothed. "You almost woke from anger at Merle just there, which is really just anger at yourself." Her fingers laced into his where his hand rested on her belly. His wish was that his dream would include feeling the baby move. He loved that feeling. Except, he must’ve been waking up because his dream wasn’t letting him feel her hand or her belly very much when he tried. Still, it felt real enough. He’d take what he could get.
“Might could be fun to think back on how beautiful it was making them, if indeed we made another one.” She walked two fingers along his bicep. “Would’ve happened on or around the last night before you left. Or,” she mused, then started to giggle. At that moment, he could even imagine the vibrations of her laughter as if she were really, actually laying beside him. It felt so real! “I wouldn’t be surprised if made them on the day itself, that was soo — oh man, hold up!” She pulled away from him and eyed his crotch in suspicion. “No sex dreams allowed, there’s a bride of Christ in the room! Keep that thing down, deal?”
He almost laughed out loud, and possibly in real life. So long as he didn’t wake up, he didn’t care if he laughed in his sleep. The reactions, the tone, it was all just like his Y/N. And he could hope they had another kid. He’d take as many as came along.
Aw, shit, how far would she even be along, if this one made it? How long had he been away?
“Goddamn, y’all, is this some kinda kink you got?” Merle cut in. “Me and the penguin are still here, you perverts.”
“Oh hush, neither of us are actually here. Him and me aren’t doing nothin’, he just got a little aroused,” Y/N countered. “And to answer your question about another baby, Daryl, I reckon you’ll find out when you come back.” She shrugged. “Unless you reach us on a radio? Eugene is diligent about it, especially now.”
That was another thing she wrote in her letter. Eugene and his radio.
The helplessness crashed back down on him. “I’m tryin’ babe.” He didn’t want to start crying. The nun was next to him and he didn’t know if he’d be able to stop crying once he started.
Merle jeered, “Try harder, Darylina.”
He was right, Daryl needed to. He needed to try harder! What kind of washed out fuck-up was he?
“Sweetheart,” his wife called softly. Her hand caressed his cheek. It felt so, so real. “Margaret — a woman who knows the pain of losing a husband — trusted this to you because you survive. And I trusted you to go, because you’ve got the brains, the balls, and the grit. You don’t die or get bit, Daryl, no. You always come home.”
Bullshit. Not this time.
“Not bullshit. Yes, this time.” She looked to the window. “Merle, back me up.”
“Based on your track record, she’s right, little brother.”
“You may not believe you can or will,” she lifted herself up on her hands and leaned forward to kiss him. It had to have been real. It felt so, so real. But he was not about to open his eyes to see if by some miracle it was. “Despite how you feel right now, my bet is you will get that happy ending. It ain’t coincidence that Laurent said so just like our Judith did! How’s that for a reason to hope?”
Shit, he was about to break down. “Y/N, maybe I don’t deserve that. You saw the shit-show what got me here.” And there came the tears. “I left you, that’s all there is to this. I don’t deserve you.”
“Oh, that word.” Y/N wasn’t a fan of the word ‘deserve.’ “On that topic, what an honest prayer you said to bless the food! So many times you used ‘deserve,’ ugh, but,” she paused, “God loves honesty like that. Very, very much.”
She kissed his eyelids where the tears were starting to slip out, kissed the scar that never seemed to fade, then settled back against the side of his chest and curled one leg around him. With her hand, she rubbed comforting circles along his torso. “And He don’t punish or withhold, that’s just our fallen world. His hand is always out for you,” she murmured. “Say, how long do you think you can keep up with imaginin’ my theology?”
“Angel, I’m already at my limit. That’s why part of me thinks you’ve gotta be here somehow, some parts of this feel so real. Smart stuff like this ain’t in my head.”
“TJ and Georgia would call out your self-hate if they could hear you. You’d owe them a lot of quarters. Hm, and euros, seeing as you're here.”
His chest tugged at their names. “How are they?”
TJ, their oldest besides Lydia, had long hair like the little French kid here. Just one other thing that ripped at Daryl’s heartstrings to make him ache so bad for home it shocked him that he wasn’t bleeding out.
“They’re as good as gold and better. Just like their father.” That phrase he knew was from his memory because she’d said it before. “All of us miss you like crazy. Postal level.”
You shouldn’t.
“Daryl.” Her hand gripped his. There’s no way it wasn’t real. It felt so real. “When I was broken after Carl's death, and I claimed the same stuff — that you should leave me and TJ, that you needed someone better, that your life would be better if we weren’t a part of it — how much did it rip you up? ’Cause even if I hadn’t told you this before, you would have to understand how it’s tearing my insides to shreds hearin’ you think the same.”
Calm. He had to stay calm or he’d be alone again.
“I’m right,” he whispered.
“I have to disagree.”
“I —” his voice went up. He switched tactics and spoke to his brother. “Merle, talk some sense into her. I failed. This is it, this is—”
“—You did screw shit up like a royal turd, but your lady would rip my danglers off if I went along with your pretty little pity party.”
Believe it or not, the tough love helped. Felt genuine, as if Merle really was shouting some sense into him. It felt so real.
He caught his wife giving Merle an air high-five. “Thank you, Merle.”
In hindsight, Daryl figured it must’ve be because Merle, in Daryl’s imagination, had to raise his metal arm to return the five. He taunted Y/N, “You’re welcome, peg-leg.”
Dream or not, Daryl was fixing to bark, but his wife playfully kicked her own prosthetic and taunted back, “Love you, gimpy.”
His brother was smug. “Square.”
As if Y/N hadn’t heard that before.“Trailer trash.”
As if Merle hadn’t heard that before. “Goody-two shoes.”
“Two shoes? Ahem,” Y/N drawled as prim and proper as a southern belle. “Did we not just establish how I only require but one shoe these days?”
Merle slapped his thigh and cackled like a hyena and Daryl couldn’t help but do the same. Y/N joked about her missing calf like she got paid for it, pirate jokes to no end.
Daryl hadn’t felt this light in months, not even close to it since leaving home.

And to think, it was all a lie.
All fake.
They weren’t really there. Not his wife, not his dead brother. It was all in his head.
“Oh, my sweet mangy hick. Enough moping and angst, enjoy the moment! Merle and I really did a fair job on our banter just there. And you never know, Merle could really be here, seein’ as he’s dead.”
“Y/N, I even miss bickering with ya, goddamn,” he breathed.
“It is one of our love languages. That reminds me — you’re doing great with the French, Dare!”
She can’t be serious. Or, rather, he himself can’t be serious. “Babe, I ain’t spoken a word of it. The letters don’t matter half the time. I swear, these people sound drunk.”
Merle snickered, “Hell, even I speak better French than him. Voulez vous coucher av—”
“—Well, I meant like when you used the dictionary to translate that conjugated verb.” Her voice had gone down when she said this and it sounded, well
how it usually sounded when she was turned on. “If I were there, the part where I’d push your suspenders off your shoulders would drive me wild
”
Stay calm or you’ll wake up, Daryl.
And you realllly don’t want to start a sex dream with some other chick in the room. A nun!
“Get a room, horndogs. The word was ‘conjugated,’ not ‘conjugal,’” Merle spat. “This is why you got all them kids.”
His wife made one of her signature huffs, but didn’t say nothing back to Merle. Into Daryl’s ear, she sympathized, “Being horny is so annoyin’.”
Ha. Blushing even in his dreams. Part of him wondered if he was cracking up in his sleep, too, but either way, it felt good. Felt real. It felt so, so real. “I don’t even know what ‘conjugated’ means, Y/N.”
“Yes you do, otherwise I wouldn’t say it. I’m a figment of your imagination, remember?” Aw man, why’d she have to nuzzle him in the crook of his neck? He loved it when she did that. Mmm, hot damn it felt so real
 “And you know that you doin’ something like conjugating a verb in another language would be sexy to me.”
“I told y’all jackrabbits to keep your britches on. Now, Daryl: ‘conjugate’ is when you make the verb agree grammatically with the subject. You’ve heard that word before,” Merle explained. Seemed out of character. And the room looked strange, there was—it was another room now?
Daryl’s thoughts turned to when Y/N and Rosita would speak Spanish. Listening as Judith helped TJ and RJ with phonics. Watching Georgia sing to baby Louise that song Siddiq had taught her in, what language was it?
“Hey. Dummy,” Merle scoffed. “You’re driftin’ off, sweet boy. Gotta stay a teensy bit lucid if you want us here.”
So that’s why the room had just looked different. He’d been slipping.
“I still don’t get how this happens, which is why I think you’re actually here,” Daryl said to both of them. “Merle, you’re probably in
somewhere in-between.”
“What, I don’t get to be in heaven yet? Y/N, you hearin’ this uppity sumbitch?”
“He still has trouble believing in such things, Merle, especially lately. I prayed for your soul, so I got hope.”
“Thank you, sister.”
“Anytime.” Y/N looked up at Daryl and smiled. “Then what about me, dude? I ain’t dead, pinky promise. So, how is it that I come to be here?”
Yeah, he’ll be as sappy as he wants with his wife of ten years. “Maybe you’re dreamin’ about me, too.”
Merle’s kissy noises were interrupted by Daryl firmly telling him to get out after which Y/N smooched him harder than she’d had in his imagination since he’d left America. The smell of her, the sounds she made, the way she would lift her head so he could bury his face in her neck, it all felt so real.
It was when she ran her hand lower down his abdomen and almost reached his you-know-what that it all stopped cold. “Sorry! Aw, shoot — Merle! Get back in here, quick, we got carried away! Well, t-technically it was all you, Dare, but — just, please don’t get a stiffy with a nun in the room!”
“Someone should put that on a shirt,” his brother called.
“Ew, no, Merle! Good Moses, maybe I really should ought to be there if you’re startin’ to imagine messed up t-shirt slogans.” She was only teasing. “Ooh, but if I were really there I could meet little Sister Sylvie! So far, I like her.”
“I knew you would.” Daryl grinned. “The way she is with the boy, she reminds me of you.”
If only you were really here, angel.
Wait, no, I don’t want you here because you wouldn’t be safe. I need you safe.
She brought his hand to her lips. “I know what you meant, sugar.”
Unexpectedly, the nun shifted on the bed, nearly jolting him fully awake.
Slow breaths. Keep your eyes shut, do not open them!
He kept them shut tight and pictured where Y/N had been to try and keep her there.
“What am I, chopped pig’s feet?” Merle grunted.
Daryl relaxed. Merle was still there, and he got back the feeling of Y/N beside him.
“You know,” his wife considered. While she was still there, he was having trouble visualizing her. Was he still close to waking up? “That Sister Isabelle is willin’ to risk sharing a room with a strange American says a lot about how much she’ll give to protect the boy and the others here.”
“Still damn weird she didn’t just share a room, the three of ’em.”
“It is. It’s really weird.” Y/N rested her forehead on his chest. He felt the warmth of her breathing against him. If he focused really hard, he could just about imagine the feel her heartbeat, too. “Maybe she’s fixing to be the first line of defense, with all them other kids livin’ here.”
“Still weird,” he grunted. “Hey, where’d my—” He looked around in his imagination at the room. “Where’d my brother go?”
“Maybe he wanted another peach. Or, maybe you're too close to wakin’ up. Be careful, darling.”
He breathed slowly and kept his eyes locked shut. His frustration was growing. It had felt so real, why was it going away?
Calm. Stay calm so she’ll stay.
“It was also unusual,” Y/N thought, “how Sister Izzy—”
“—Sister Izzy?”
He imagined that her mouth would have twisted in embarrassment. “Yes, I’d probably definitely give her that nickname. You sure know how to portray me realistically.” She started again, “It’s unusual how she didn’t accommodate for your maybe-not-wantin’-to-be-seen-in-the-tub-by-a-nun. By anyone, for that matter. Although,” she reconsidered, “they were nurses who had to change your undies and cauterize your wound, weren’t they?” When he pictured her bottom lip beginning to tremble, he held her closer. “Oh, I hate that they all died but for two! What has this world come to? Why would those men kill them?”
That was something.
The dream got easier to maintain. He felt the curve of her waist. The rise and fall of her chest. It felt real again. It felt so, so real.
Relieved, he didn’t know what to say at first other than, “The water was cloudy enough.” When he was getting treated, bathed, doctored, how hard he wished it was Y/N doing it. Another thing that made him ache, watching them nuns give him medical attention when for the past 12 years it’d almost always been his wife.
He breathed out heavily. “Dunno, when she was in there, it wasn’t too uncomfortable.”
“The habit can have that effect on some. The crucifixes and religious artworks hopefully brought some peace, too.”
“Habit?”
“Nun outfit.”
He tried to hold her even tighter. The way it felt more real than before encouraged him, got him nearly falling off his seat with excitement that he got her back!
Except, the excitement turned into panic that he might lose this moment because he was so happy, as fake as it was.
And it sent him over the edge. Just like that, he was awake. Very awake. And alone. No Y/N, no Merle.
He blinked as the room came into focus.
None of it was real. He’d, he'd known that.
And now he was awake. Lying on some flat, shitty, tiny bed, an ocean away, in a country full of people he didn’t understand, that had walkers who burned you when they touched you, and soldiers who shot up a convent full of nuns who patched up strangers and were only trying to keep a little boy safe.
He didn’t even have his ring anymore. All he had was a snippet on a voice recorder that told the world his name and how badly he'd fucked up.
Daryl turned onto his side, the pain from his burned arm screaming at him, but he didn’t give one flying fuck. Y/N wasn’t there anymore because his stupid ass had woken up! He’d earned the pain, he needed it, he deserved it.
Quietly, he thought to hell with it and let himself weep. He was so fucking done with all this bullshit.
He wanted Y/N back. He wanted his kids back. The fuck kind of brainless jackass was he, leaving them for so long, so much? And for what?
To "see what's out there?"
As if he'd find people who had a cure?
To bring Rick and Mich home? If Rick is even alive, if Michonne is alive.
To transport some creepy French boy to a group of weirdos grasping at the hope of some imaginary friend in the sky who damns them if they don’t do all the rules in the world that He’d let go to shit as a punishment or test?
Really, was Daryl that much of a guilt-ridden jerk-off to still say yes to whatever Maggie asks him to do? It’s a hopeless fu—
“Daryl, I love you so much. Please don’t blaspheme.”
“Y/N?” I thought you was gone. No, you were gone, I woke up! “You’re back?” Holy shit, thank you. Thank you! Thank you, Whoever's up there.
That small, shy smile melted all the ice he’d just had in his heart. “Try not to wake all the way again?”
He didn’t waste any more time blubbering like an idiot, he reached for her and held on. It was still a dream, so he had to be careful to not get too excited or do anything too stimulating. And, don’t worry, he wasn’t about to willingly get a hard-on when there was a nun next to him.
He just needed to have Y/N in his arms again so he could make it through the next 5 minutes without going insane!
For 12 years, she’d been there, loving him in one way or another. For 10 years they’d been husband and wife. Without her, without their kids there, in that strange, foreign place, he was losing himself so quick it brought him to his knees with shame.
Her lips pulled away for a moment. “I wouldn’t agree that you’re losing yourself. I watched Shaney lose himself, it looked different. Daryl, I’m serious,” she insisted. “Listen: did you not save that dad and daughter even after they robbed you?”
Big whoop. “You know what those guerrilla shits would’ve done to her." The same thing that got done to you. "And those assholes would prolly have made the old man watch and killed me regardless.”
“Yeah, but you also went back to try and save that gaggle of nuns from those jar-head pieces of shit, that’s got to count for somethin’.” Wait, that was Merle’s voice. He was back, too?
Daryl looked over at the window to see his brother there once more. Merle winked. “My baby brother, the hero. Stay zen if you’re fixing to keep us here, now. Keep hittin’ that sweet spot between dreamland and the real world.”
Y/N beamed at Merle before turning back to Daryl. “And did you not help those children get the medicine, Dare? Heck, now they got access to that whole castle full of supplies and it’s so much more secure. Um, m-minus the moat full of dead ones.”
“I lied to those kids out my ass, Y/N. Lied and didn’t give a damn.”
“And you ensured none of them got hurt, then promptly admitted the lie with what I’d call purity of heart.”
“I cut that boy’s mule loose without a second thought. You see that? He loved that thing.”
“Better than to have failed to back up the cart in time, which would have happened and would have gotten all five of y’all eaten. And it was almost fast enough to escape by the looks of it. One dead mule to the benefit of four living souls is a good outcome.”
“What’d my sister-in-law say earlier?” Merle asked. “Brains, balls, and grit? Not to sound all mushy gushy, but she’s right.”
The memories of falling into that moat of walkers seized him, made him start to panic again. No brains, no balls, he almost died right in there—
“—Baby, shh,” Y/N hushed. Her arms tightly wrapped around him the way she would when his nightmares hit bad. “You survived. No bites. No burns. Not even a broken bone, I don’t know how you managed it again.” Her lips, her chest, her hands pressed against him. It felt so, so real. “But you always seem to.” She kissed him. “You’ve got brains.” Another kiss. “Balls.” A deeper kiss. “And grit. And you’re alive, sweetheart. There’s always hope as long as your heart is still beating.”
“How will I get out of this?”
“You’ll find a way,” she said with confidence. “You simply don’t know what the way is yet.”
“What do I do about the nuns?”
“Help them keep Laurent safe, of course — if you choose to do so.”
I don’t want to.
“You don’t have to,” she assured him.
I want to go home.
“And you will,” she assured him once again.
I don’t want to help them. I don’t want to. I don’t fucking want to!

God damn it. “But I should.”
“You ain’t obligated,” Y/N responded, but with hesitation that time. “It is up to you.”
Merle was the one to point out, “It’s that conscience of yours, kid. Sometimes you just can’t help but help. I’ve been watchin’ you these past, what is it, 11 years since I got my crusty white ass killed?” He chuckled to himself as he shaved off the final bit of peach before flicking the pit away. “Can’t be too mad at it when it roped you a fine piece of ass to squeeze at night and how many kids because of it?”
“Merle,” Y/N warned.
Daryl could feel his anger rising.
“What, ain’t you relieved I can’t call you ‘sweet little virgin’ no more, son?” Merle kept egging on.
“Daryl, this isn’t really him. Don’t get angry or we’ll both disapp—”
“—So, my thinking is, Daryl, that you just won’t be able to help yourself from bringing that little sissy boy to them nutjobs —”
“Shut up!” Daryl burst out — and opened his eyes in real time. Again? Is he that much of an idiot?
His pulse was pounding. Dread and self-loathing flooded his mind, how stupid could he be?
Immediately, he squeezed his eyes shut in a desperate hope to get his wife and brother back. He focused, focused, focused, prayed, pretended, focused

“Daryl,” came her voice.
He could hear Y/N, but not see her. It was clear that it was all him forcing the memory of her voice back. It was all in his head.
“Why bother caring that it’s in your head, sugar? Breathe slowly and focus on the feel of my body against yours. I don’t wanna leave you."
“Y/N, I need to get back,” he panted. “I can use their help to do that. Those religious people, the Union of Hope or whoever, Isabelle says they got a good radio. I need that to get back home.”
“Well, there you go! I trust you.”
He reached up to tangle his fingers where her hair would be. His imagination wasn’t letting it happen, so he focused with gratefulness that at least he could still hear her.
“Just don’t abuse their trust, and you’ll be alright,” she softly pleaded.
Don’t break their trust? “Angel, you don’t know what I did to end up in this mess.”
Of all the ways he could have daydreamed her reacting, it was that her laughter filled the room. “For the last time, my mangy hick, I am a figment of your imagination and quite literally know everythin’ inside that brain of yours. And I still love you despite that ‘shit-show’ what landed you here.”
He brought to mind the color of her eyes, wanting, wanting, begging for a miracle that would make her truly there with him so he could stare into them all night. “What would you say if I asked ‘that if I don’t find nothing, what good am I?’”
“Y/N, you can blame our raising for that shit right there,” his brother commented.
“You poor boys. Broken people sometimes make for broken kids.”
Gently, he started to perceive the way she would rub her cheek against his chest when she’d lay down with him. “Daryl? If I were here, I’d say things to try and make it stick in your head that your worth ain’t dependent on what you can offer.”
“What does it depend on, then?”
“Careful, you’re treading into religious waters now, and I ain’t sure you’ve got the bandwidth tonight. But God is involved,” she hinted.
This mess was hopeless, wasn’t it? No winning, no out, no happy ending.
“Angel, I can’t come home empty-handed.” He squeezed his eyes tighter and willed himself to not lose his cool yet again. “I can’t come home with no Rick or Michonne, no cure, no nothin’ but a burn, more nightmares, and more lives on my conscience.”
“You can,” she answered simply. “It ain’t all on you. No — please, don’t get any more upset or you’ll wake up again! Daryl, I’ve already slipped so far away!” He heard his wife begin to cry, but the sound went further and further from him. All he could see were the backs of his eyelids.
Still, he held on as best he could. “Please stay here, angel.”
“I-I would, sweetheart.”
“When I’m back, I won’t even want to leave the walls to hunt if it would mean not being next to you, d’you know that?”
“Let someone else hunt. You’ve done enough to last a lifetime.” Her voice was hoarse the way it had been when she’d said those same words to him about a year and a half ago. “More than enough. Oh Daryl, I’m so sorry we’re going.”
“Not yet, angel, please don’t!”
“Use all those things makin’ you homesick as reasons to hope. Do it for me, sugar. Get yourself home again. Don’t die, don’t get bit.”
“I won’t. I’ll get back to you. Tell the kids I love ’em?”
There was silence.
Stillness.
Daryl lay there, accepting that he couldn’t feel Y/N next to him anymore.
His throat tightened. “Angel?”
He doesn’t know why he bothered. She was gone, he knew it. He ran his finger where his ring should’ve been, if he hadn’t lost it.
“Angel,” he tried again.
Silence.
“Babe, please. Please.”
Silence.
“Y/N, please, one more time, angel.”
Silence.
The pain in him was hollow and cold.
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Feeling small and helpless, he lifted his arms above his head and held back a wail of despair. He closed his eyes again and, in his head, he cried out in desperation, “Merle?”
At first, there was no answer. He hadn't expected one. Why should he?
But then he heard a quiet, low, “I’m still here.”
Merle spoke slowly and heavily, almost as if it hurt him to admit it. “I don’t think she’s gonna come back tonight, Daryl. You’ve already fallen out a few times. I ain’t gonna be here much longer, neither. You know that.”
Any strength he had left seeped out like a stab wound, leaving him crying like a child. “I can’t see you anymore.”
“I know, little brother.”
“It felt so real.”
“It sure as hell did. I think you needed it, even if it hurts like a bitch now.”
It had felt so, so real!
But it wasn’t. “I’m alone,” he choked out.
“Nothin’ you can’t handle.” For a moment Daryl could make out his brother’s face again. “You’re a tough sumbitch, so I’d advise you act like it. Quit blubberin’ like a baby and wipe the snot out your nose.”
Daryl sniffed and tried to get a grip.
“Good.” Merle’s voice began to echo. He was almost gone, too. “Now listen here: don’t die, don’t get bit. Get your ass back where you belong.”
The room came into view.
The echoing stopped.
The hollow, cold pain he’d felt at knowing they were gone there turned sharp and hot. Turns out, it was actually the throbbing in his arm. Daryl really had turned onto his side, which positioned his burned arm underneath him. He strained to get off it and flip onto his back.
You know what? The pain from his burned arm didn’t hold a candle to the ache in his chest.
Were those tears on his face, too? Guess he must’ve started crying for real in his sleep. Made sense considering how real it all felt. It all felt so real.
If only his pulse would stop racing, he felt sick.
He was getting damned old.
Instinctively, he tried to fiddle with his wedding band, which is when he recalled yet again how he’d lost it. Only a faint tan line remained.
He closed his eyes, exhausted, and chewed at his lip. Another tear or two escaped and ran hot down his cheek.
A strange part of him wished he hadn’t lied to Laurent about having a wife and family back home. At the time he said it so it wouldn't hurt as much, but

“You deserve a happy ending, too,” the kid had told him. Just like his Judith had, when she saw how low and unworthy he begun to feel. She told her auntie Y/N, too, of course, not that his wife wasn’t unaware of how twisted his head had gotten into thinking he was no good. It didn’t feel twisted to him, it felt honest. He didn’t deserve them. They were too good.
His wife’s words to him played again in his mind. He may have just been making all that shit up in his brain, but he was only remembering a mix of real things that she’d told him before, over and over in the hopes his stupid ass would accept it one day.
“Despite how you feel right now, my vote is you will get that happy ending. It ain’t coincidence that Laurent said so just like our Judith did! How’s that for a reason to hope?”
He did need a reason. It was getting harder and harder to hold onto hope. Any hope.
So, maybe, a weird kid with long hair like TJ’s who drew a picture of some washed-up bum on a beach three weeks before Daryl showed up was reason enough to hope. He could grasp onto that.
If it would get him home, hell yeah, he could do that.
How the same weird kid told him what his niece had and what his wife had could be reason enough, too. He could grasp onto that as well, if it would get him home. He could do that for them.
Daryl ran his hand in slow, gentle circles along his stomach like Y/N would. Maybe he’d been doing this in his dream, which is why it felt so real.
It had all felt so, so real.
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-> Masterlist link here <-
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historixally-accurate · 3 months ago
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HI ITS ME IM BACK!
im so sorry for not responding sooner but its been really rough for me lately :,) guess you could say ive been going through it. not very sexily. its gotten so bad ive just put an empty note in my notes app called "YOU BETTER RESPOND RN YOU FLAKE" so here i am (=v=)b sounds like youve had a rough time too, damn. how have you been? have you recovered? hope youre feelin better by the time you read this. and hope my silly little essay makes you smile :>
i popped into fulham's stream last night and saw you in fulham's chat at 1am...what da hell !!!!! again. too mf shy to say hi but uh. just know i badly wanted to. i woke up today absolutely hammered with sleep deprivation cause my parent woke me up too early so i guess i got slammed with consequences Sadge.
never worry about traumadumping about acads. im being compketely honest here when i say that if most SG students were to describe their experiences in school, it would 100% be met with disbelief at best and horror at worst from people overseas. compared to the rest of the world, believe me when i say our syllabus is insane. cheers for SG ... yay....MOE sleep with one eye open tonight. i hope you make some new friends soon! life would suck without em. talking to people is hard, but its unfortunately the first step in making friends. i wish you all the best :D
i think your phone layout looks fantastic. honestly its your phone and you get to figure out what to do with it, so if it sucks to you, hit the bricks
about skibidi...i woukd have never guessed fein was the reason why you say skibidi LOL. but i would have guessed correctly for the fulham "peculiar" thing. bros terminally british. hopes he gets well soon. prayge /lh
ill do my best for the BAC stream, but thibgs are just getting hectic again for me, help save me...... opened twitch (i dont have notifs on) yesterday and i was immediately stricken with grief as i found out fucking. 21mustard had ended stream JUST A FEW HOURS PRIOR. i wanted to bash my head into the nearest wall. it was fine though i just played it in the background as i did my workout. but i almost dropped my weights when i looked over and saw him buidling the most atrocious troll face i had ever seen in my life. that would have been bad, because i was holding 12.5kg dumbbells at the time. if i did drop them, i wouldnt have a foot anymore. on the bright side, i watched as he proceeded to lose the 2 matches he played against emerald. that was uh. yeah. gotta love white boy against white boy violence
NOOOOOO PLEASE DONT PUT ME INTO FUNNY JAIL IM NOT GOING BACK THERE. MY FRIENDS HAVE ONE TOO MNAY TIMES. pleeeeease let me have my fart jokes im begging you theyre high on my reasons to liveee im giving you puppy dog eyes rn if you prefer cats im giving you my most soggy wet cat pathetic cat eyes pleaseeeeee dont revoke my fart rights
about the feinberg rocks video. hell yes ive seen it!!!!!! i have an unhealthy addiction to the funny channels. silverruns funny and talking mime funny and feinberg rocks ily <3 i, too, watch them on repeat every time i have free time. #unhealthily obsessed
gl for amath soldier. thats all i have to say. its easy to score if you love math and drill concepts in hard teehee <3
i see what you did with the name pun. i too love puns. and lame jokes. in case you coukdnt already tell my sense of humour is just sliiiiiiightly skewed. yeah no i still laugh at poop and yoir mom jokes who am i kidding. when i was showing my friend my youtube feed and a vid about "top ten vidoes of people who hit the griddy" popped up and i couldnt stop laughing while my friend just like. sighed in disappointment. yeah no its been getting really bad actually, i bet you could get me to laugh at a video of "top ten skibidi toilets" or smth. i dont wheeze but if i did i wouldnt be able to get up after watching that one.
so you like friends who take charge huh that explains the talkingmime/feinberg connection lol. i dont really know about emerald, but so far when i think "mapicc" and "emerald" i dont really see connections? please expalin it sounds interesting. is it the voice HAHA
you like people with GREEN as their colour pallete??!?!?!?@?@ omg.... damn......i woukd hate drawing them (this dumbass has no idea how to colour theory, which is ironic considering my arts background) ... but it sounds reslly mf cool!!!
i think its about time i ask the actual "get to know you" questions. internet hot takes. pancakes or waffles, milk or cereal first, etc. for me i dont really have an opinion on pancakes or waffles, but since i eat pancakes way more often (theyre easier to make, i dont have a waffle iron, waffles in singapore are really expensive sigh) i woukd have to say pancakes. i put milk first. this might get me stoned to death. no comment :)
happy to receive the honour of making you laugh (pls dont cry LMAO) i actually first saw this at night. but im repsinding now in the afternoon, so ill have both a skibiditastic day and a rizzler night😈😈im just sigma that way. i cringed a bit typing that out im ngl . i apologise for the way way overdue response again D: and as always, have a beautiful gyattastic pyun pyun rest of the day/night. ome
- sgmcsr anon
p.s. your yappery is greatly appreciated every time. i think youre very cool too :3
hi anon. oh boy this'll be a long one
don't worry bout not giving me my daily ask, just make sure you take care of yourself. singapore is really demanding even in terms of hobbies and co curriculars, so I really don't blame you. take care anon, I'll be... chronically online ^_^
fulham stream huh? speaking of, as of when I'm writing this, he's supposed to stream soon LMAO if you're a regular lurker, I hope I'll see you around when you gain the courage to say hi đŸ’„ fulchat is very kind <3
AS OF NOW. IT IS 2 53 AM. I COMPLEYELY FORGOT I HAD TUMBLR OPEN WHILST WATCHING FULHAM STREAM. ok let's continue
MOE has kinda ruined multiple young students hopes and dreams because they either got one mark to low or 5 marks too low (IM LOOKING AT U PSLE SYSTEM. IM LOOKING AT YOU. FUCKING ACHIEVEMENT LEVELS. I'LL KILL YOU). it's really stupid and it forces students to study harder (and put immense mental pressure on themselves!!) MOE YOU BETTER PRAY HARD HARD THAT YOU DONT FUCK UP THE NEXT BATCH OF STUDENTS ILL SEND MY MONGEY ARMY. anyway I think I'll be okay friends wise :) everything is all mongeyful and skibidi in the gold household.
I'm a little lazy, so I'm not changing my layout yet </3 I love my silly messed up mcsr layout for now, so yay. it stays.
I watched so many feinberg clips where he says skibidi, glorp and mothasucka a lot. so. oops! in you go into my vocabulary! also, fulham saying peculiar and bello! I need this British man to. explode. positively. he's very cool. but I need another word that isn't peculiar to describe something odd or misleading 😭😭
yeah no I feel u... my friend spam pinged me sayin mime was live at 6 45 am. SIX FORTY FIVE. I WOKE UP AT 9 45 HOPING HE WAS LIVE. he wasn't. I was devastated and my day was RUINED. awful not mongeyful day. MODS please force him to stream more :( I love nEmerald. that guy is so cool. he has definitely also affected how I speak (oh noey)
every time I need something to watch while eating lunch, I'll pull up HBG clips or any ___funny videos and I am INSTANTLY entertained. like that is my form of baby sensory. easily charmed by speedrunning fails :') so skibidi. literally I will watch the same ass clips to giggle at talkingmime or fein and I think that's a testament to how normal I am!
sigh. I have math tuition tomorrow. not thrilled </3 but I'll do my best nonetheless đŸ’„
yeahhh you like that pun I did... I'll scoff at your mom jokes, but i will start rofling whenever my parents use gen alpha slang . FOR EXAMPLE. my sister was lifting groceries today and she was saying it was really heavy, but she could handle it. my father follows up by saying "yeah! go beast mode!" and I laughed. really loud. also, my mom tried to use the word slay.. mom I love you thanks for trying 😭😭😭 never say skibidi ever again 😱😱😱😱 anyway. I think our sense of humor is similar, I'd also laugh at top 10 people hwo can hit the skibidiest griddy, dw
wow. kicks rocks. is that so noticeable? haha. shoves all the drawings I have of mime and fein aside. what! talkingmime? who's that??? feinberg??? who+??? I like emerald because of his personality and yeah he kinda sounds like mapic which was why I was like "ohhh homeboys a little PECULIAR!!" anyway, he is still extremely awesome. you go bro! my favourite colour is green, but in a broader term I'd say ground tones (beige, brown, green), soooooo. idk I just like emerald. idk it's the same reason why I like mime (I don't know why) I am so proud of my nEmerald design. he's so. it's so cool??? and I'm proud of it 😭 I don't have anythin else to say
alright. people in my asks may slaughter me. INTERNET HOT TAKES.. pineapple on pizza is good, I put milk before cereal, I prefer waffles over pancakes despite eating pancakes all my life. I like the saltiness of the pizza and the sweetness of the pineapple, I also eat my chips (CRISPS I DONT GAF) with ketchup sometimes. same as you, waffle irons are expensive, so I've eaten pancakes since I was little. but ohhh if I were rewarded with bacon and waffles if I got an A for math?? YOU KNOW IM GETTING THAT A. anyway, milk before cereal to keep the cereal crunchy for a while before eating it :) no sg anon blending, I respect you ^_^
thanks for listening to me yap, you are always welcome in my tumblr inbox MODS redlime ban feinberg from ranked
have a wonderful mongeyful pyun pyun kira kira night / day ahead, and I'll see you whenever :)
you flatter me with the compliments BTW. I am just an artist
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obligatory mime doodle :3c
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pebblysand · 1 month ago
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[BOOKS READ IN 2024]
hello, hello! i hope you’re all doing well. 
‘tis the season again. the season of the wildly unrelatable here’s 150 books i read this year blog posts and articles and tiktok and youtube videos. if you, like me, feel very behind and inadequate (lol), here is a wrap-up of the seven (7) books i read this year. 
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bad blood by john carreyrou (3.5/5 ⭐): this was my only non-fiction read of the year. it retraces the story of elizabeth holmes aka the woman behind the theranos scam. it was gifted to me by a friend for my birthday after i’d mentioned listening to the podcast to him. i gave this a 3.5/5 because objectively, as far as non-fiction books go, it was a 3/5. there was a lot of unnecessary length and details, and the writing wasn’t particularly noteworthy. i however did add an extra half-point for the journalistic quality of carreyrou’s work (which is really incredible) and the subject matter, which i found fascinating. i just felt like the book wasn’t as riveting as the story itself should have made it. 
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this is how you remember it by catherine prasifka (5/5 ⭐): i’ve already gone on and on about this book on tumblr and on the podcast but i cannot possibly stress enough how much i ADORED this. it’s one of those reads that will haunt me for years to come. this book had everything i love to see in literary fiction: violence against women, coming of age, the internet, a very interesting style (the book is written second-person)... i had already loved catherine prasifka’s debut (none of this is serious) but this one was just out-of-this-world. i think she (unfairly) gets compared to sally rooney a lot because she’s her sister in law (catherine’s brother is sally’s partner) but i think catherine is an excellent writer in her own right. the themes of this story, which in part deals with the realities of falling prey to predatory/abusive relationships in your teens, really connected with me as i was writing chapter 22 of castles, and this quote in particular really inspired me. 
You think over the events of your life, the way you’ve been treated, the way you’ve allowed yourself to be treated. You want so badly to recognise them as wrong, as perverse, as abusive, but it’s so hard to recognise it when you didn’t feel it at the time. It will be a long time before you’re able to process these feelings.
i remember reading this and thinking: this is exactly what i wanted to get across with ginny, and i needed to put into 32,000 words what she so beautifully put in one sentence. i’m in awe and i love her so much. 
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room by emma donoghue (2.5/5 ⭐): lani (@copper-dust) kept banging on about this book so much on the podcast that i decided to read it. i’m sorry (i really am), but it didn’t land with me. i found the POV (the book is told from the POV of a five year old child) simply unbearable. i did give the book a 2.5/5 because i suppose i did finish it (which earns you a ⅖ in my book) and i have to admit the concept is original and well-enough executed, which gave it another half-point. but LORD was this a bore and the few little nuggets that were interesting were buried in so much bullshit about what toys the kid was interested in and how much time it was taking him to go up and down the stairs that honestly i could barely get through it.
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son odeur aprĂšs la pluie by cĂ©dric sapin-dufour (4/5 ⭐): this is my only french read of the year (oops 😬) but a very good one. if you are french, chances are you have heard of this; i think it got a lot of prizes and was promoted a lot, but it’s definitely very deserved. son odeur aprĂšs la pluie (which translates as his smell after the rain) is probably one of the most beautiful works of art i’ve ever seen made about dogs, and our relationships with them. every moment, every behaviour, every aspect of ubac (the dog)’s life is so on point and so truthful and so beautifully described and written. there is so much love in this book, and it made me cry all the tears in my eyes. the problem with books about dogs is that you always know how they end, but i felt like death here was handled so subtly and intelligently and lovingly that it brought beauty and poetry to a very sad moment. i would HIGHLY recommend this to every dog lover. one bit that i particularly loved/made me laugh is where he adopts ubac and brings him home for the first time, and reads all these books about how he should make the dog eat after him and sleep outside his room and all and then
 does the total opposite. we’ve all been there ^^. 
the only reason this got a ⅘ and not a 5 was that i felt the style was a bit too lyrical and hard to read at times - it’s obviously intentionally peculiar, but i felt sometimes it was almost trying too hard. that said, i will caveat this by saying i very rarely read in french these days, so my feelings about it may also have been impacted by my lack of fluency in the language. 
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small things like these by claire keegan (4/5 ⭐): i spoke about this one quickly on the pod - it had been on my TBR for ages, then the film happened and i finally decided to give it a go. it’s a very quick read (120 pages) and is a historical fiction story about the magdalene laundries. i found it very moving, very interesting and well-written (god, the head nun is terrifying), and sometimes even a bit funny in that way that irish people have to make light of dark things. i thought the writing was gorgeous, although i would definitely warn people that it’s very irish in its phraseology and dialect, which may be a bit unsettling/hard to understand if you’re not used to it. that said, the prose is very delicate/understated, in an absolutely mesmerising way. this bit, for instance, really stuck out to me: 
‘Are you done with this tea or will I pour you another?’ ‘We may as well finish it, Mother,’ he persisted, holding out the cup.  The hand that poured was steady.  ‘Were your sailors in town this week?’  ‘They’re not my sailors but we had a load come in on the quay there, aye.’ ‘You don’t mind bringing the foreigners in.’ ‘Hasn’t everyone to be born somewhere,’ Furlong said. ‘Sure, wasn’t Jesus was born in Bethlehem.’
the only reason this got a ⅘ and not a 5 was that honestly, i felt like it was a bit too short. this is obviously my personal preference but i thought there was more to say to this story than she did. which is why, as i said on the pod, i liked the film version better. i felt like it suited this story better.
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intermezzo by sally rooney (5/5 ⭐): i’ve gone on about this at length on different forums so i won’t go on about it too much but i obviously adored this. as a sally rooney stan, i think this is one of her best. i’ve said this before but i think she has a very particular talent in portraying depression in a way that really speaks to me, and i so connected with this book. the one thing i will say about it is that i thought it was an interesting choice not to include naomi’s POV. i think this is intentional but she does come off as a bit of a manic-pixie-dream-girl (which i think is meant to highlight how little peter actually knows her and how much he idealises her) and i was a bit surprised that sally didn’t quite close that loop in the end. but again, i think this is a bit intentional, the same way that i maintain the end of normal people isn’t meant to be the happy/hopeful ending everyone else seems to think it is. but if you’ve read this, i’d be interested to have your thoughts. 
(that said, when it comes to intermezzo i texted one of my friends that i absolutely adored the end, before realising that in a way, it kind of ends on the same note as castles, so of course i loved the end đŸ€Ł.)
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the running grave by robert galbraith (a.k.a JK Rowling) (4/5 ⭐): i hesitated even mentioning i’d read this because i don’t want to get death threats again (🙄), but also this is 947 (!!) pages, so it hurt my soul for it not to count towards my reading year lmao. i’m not going to explain why i read this (and why i still read JKR’s books) - again, i don’t think the internet is a place of sensible discussion here but just know that i have my reasons - but i will give those who are interested in it, an objective review. 
overall, i’m very split about this book. on the one hand, i think her writing keeps getting worse, and she is in dire(!!!) need of an editor. like, we could have done without at least two to three hundred pages of this book without me noticing. literally every conversation and every thought is painstakingly spelled out in a way that grown adults honestly do not need to endure. 
on the other hand, i really enjoyed the theme of this. the investigation happens within a cult, and i don’t know if it was because of the cult thing, or the violence against women thing, but i found it a lot darker than the other books, and honestly way more interesting. it felt like she - for the first time in her career - gave herself the permission to go Very Dark, and i really enjoyed it. the last three or four hundred pages were definitely page-turners. i will also note that this particular book had nothing to do with transgender people/rights at all, so i suppose she can let go of her hateful hyperfixation sometimes.
on a character-level, i’m getting a bit tired of the will-they-won’t-they, but i feel like – maybe – given the end of the book, we might finally be getting somewhere? (although, i’ve felt like that in many-a-strike-books before and we never did go anywhere). i found (spoilers ahead) that charlotte’s suicide was weirdly anti-climactic and underexploited. i got what she was trying to do with it (i.e. making the point that perhaps suicide isn’t always a tragedy) but i felt like the “resolution” also wasn’t getting to the bottom of it. for such a painstakingly long book, it got very little airtime. 
so, idk, onwards and forwards with the next one, i guess. 
.
currently reading: 
finally, i’m not expecting to finish any of these by the end of the year, but here’s what i’m currently reading/have up-next: 
l’élĂ©gance du hĂ©risson by muriel barbery (the elegance of the hedgehog in its english version): this has been in my bathroom by the bathtub for about six months. i read ten pages at a time sometimes when i’m in the bath. it’s not bad. i just feel like i’m always forcing myself to read in french, and i’m very very slow.
blood on her name by B. Nacole: i’m about two pages into this on my kindle. i don’t know, i felt like reading another crime book after the strike one i just finished, but we’ll see if i like it. i also downloaded daisy jones and the six, so perhaps i will go with that first. 
the woman in the purple skirt by natsuko imamura: this is my next physical book read but i opened it on the plane, read a paragraph, then decided to finish the strike book instead. so, we’ll see when i get to it lol. 
if you want more reading content, you can follow me on storygraph, also @pebblysand đŸ„°.
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elliepassmore · 3 months ago
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All the Water in the World review
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5/5 stars Recommended if you like: cli-fi, disaster fiction, community, survival
Big thanks to St. Martin's Press, Netgalley, and the author for an ARC in exchange for an honest review!
This book examines survival in a climate ravaged world, and the positive and negative ways people rebuild after the end. It's told through a mix of 'present' day events, when a superstorm destroys their home and they have to find a new one, and past events that detail how there came to be a community on the roof of the American Natural History Museum and the kinds of things they did to survive. Technically the whole book is in past tense, with Nonie narrating, but there is a delineation between Nonie's childhood and the travels from the AMNH to a farm in upper-NY.
I really liked that the original group of survivors we follows is a set of anthropologists, scientists, and museum employees (plus their kids). It's such an interesting setup and it allows for the adults to have skills and knowledge that the average person probably doesn't possess. I also really liked the American Museum of Natural History in NY being the backdrop of the main character's childhood. It's such a unique location and I really liked seeing how they used things from the museum and knowledge from the past to survive in the 'modern' world.
It's hard at times to remember Nonie is only 13 when all this is going down. She has a pretty mature voice and even when she doesn't understand certain things, she still has a strong understanding of the world. Nonie is very empathetic and caring, and it comes through in how she handles her sister and Keller (and others) at various points in the book. Despite how the world is around them, Nonie is also a fairly hopeful character, both about the small things and the big things. She dreams of one day going on one of the research boats to study the changing waters of the world (big hope) and she also wants to believe the best of people, though she's also realistic, especially if something seems off. I definitely read Nonie as being autistic even though no one ever says it outright.
Biz was someone I had a harder time connecting with, though I also understand her. She's 16 during the course of this book and is not only old enough to remember when times were less apocalyptic, but she's also lived through some pretty grim stuff herself. Part of Biz is angry and a little reckless because of it, but part of her is also afraid and full of the knowledge of just what might go wrong. That being said, like Nonie she's very caring and determined to see their small group survive.
I liked seeing the different ways different groups of people survived, and how that compares and contrasts to the AMNH group. Some of the ways are remarkably similar, like the people at the Cloisters, while others only seem that way on the surface and others yet take a more violent dog-eats-dog approach to survival. This book really does a good job looking at how we behave when the end has come and the things we are, and aren't, willing to close our eyes to if it means survival. That being said, this book isn't all dark and I think it really pushes the narrative of community = survival, which I would say is both realistic and hopeful.
One thing that bugged me at the start of the book, as someone who knows a lot about tornadoes, is that they're trying to find shelter and keep running into rooms with windows! It's really a minor thing but it bugged me so badly, lol.
Overall this is a really good book and does a good job of examining survival and hope after the end. I liked the museum aspect of it a lot and also liked the community-oriented take on survival Caffall depicted.
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candycandy00 · 10 months ago
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20 Questions for Fic Writers
Thank you so much for tagging me, @scary-grace! This was a lot of fun!
1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 
18, though I’ve only posted a fraction of my BNHA stuff on there and there’s even some JJK stuff I haven’t posted there yet. 
2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?
217,870. And wow it took me way too long to find that lol. I didn’t even know about the Statistics page! 
3. What fandoms do you write for? 
Currently, Jujutsu Kaisen and Boku no Hero Academia. I wrote for a ton of different fandoms back in my “previous era” I’ll call it lol. I wrote for One Piece, Naruto, Final Fantasy (mostly 7 and 12), Death Note, Gundam Wing, Harry Potter, Durarara!!, and lots of other things (almost all of it featuring non canon ships like Cloud x Yuffie and L x Misa). I’d like to try writing for Bungou Stray Dogs and Demon Slayer at some point. 
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
The Doll House (2,280)
Human (390)
The Offering (377)
How to Seduce a Gamer (300)
Little Miss Nobody (234)
5. Do you respond to comments?
I try to! But sometimes if it’s a comment on an older chapter of something I might not or if I got several close together I miss a few and then I’m too embarrassed to go back and respond later. Or if they just comment with an emoticon, I’m not sure how to reply lol. 
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
In my current era, it’s definitely the Mr. Compress chapter of The Dark Carnival. I have other fics that end badly for Reader but this one felt very tragic to me. 
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 
Most of mine have pretty happy endings! 
8. Do you get hate on fics? 
Current era, I occasionally get people complaining that certain Readers are wimpy or stupid or whatever. I even had one person on AO3 write out a huge wall of text about how one of my Reader characters was a Mary Sue (they simultaneously complained that she was too weak and useless in a fight but also too perfect). But I tend to shrug off those comments. Readers are supposed to be Mary Sues. They’re literally Reader/Writer self inserts! Part of the appeal of x Reader fanfiction is the fantasy of Reader being an idealized version of yourself. So yeah she can hang out with the League of Villains and be the only girl Dabi has ever liked, or she can be old high school buddies with Gojo and Geto and they’re both crazy about her. It’s all fantasy. 
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 
Yes! And I write pretty much all kinds that don’t involve my three “big no’s” (minors, animals, or scat/pee/vomit). 
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? 
Not since I was a kid, writing Sailor Moon/DBZ crossovers lol. 
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 
Not in my current era, not that I know of. In my previous era, I wrote a Gundam Wing fanfic that got really popular in the fandom and was ripped off twice. Not exactly copied word for word, but very close in both cases. They basically changed the wording around a bit but kept the entire plot the same (and it was a very unique AU with a big, sprawling plot). 
12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 
Not that I know of!
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 
Like 20+ years ago a friend and I were co-writing a very fucked up DBZ fanfic together. It was actually pretty good, but it was unfortunately lost to time. I’d give anything to find it and be able to read it again, but she’s the one who was posting it and she deleted her account a few years later. 
14. What’s your all time favorite ship? 
I’m just gonna go with my current fave ships of my two main fandoms: BNHA (Spinneraki) and JJK (SatoSugu). 
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? 
Probably The League of Villains Heroes. I love it dearly but it gets practically no notes so I have little motivation to keep working on it. 
16. What are your writing strengths? 
I’ve always felt like dialogue is my strong point. Probably because, until I was up into my 20’s, I rarely read actual books and almost exclusively read comics/manga (which tend to be dialogue heavy). I think I’m pretty decent with plotting as well. 
17. What are your writing weaknesses? 
Descriptions! đŸ˜© I am so bad at describing things. Or rather, I’m bad to just
 not do it. I literally forget to. I’ve had friends read my work and be like “what does this place look like?” Or “what does that guy look like?” And I can see it all so clearly in my head that I forget readers can’t see it as well. 
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 
I sometimes toss in some honorifics just because it seems weird to have certain characters not use them. Other than that, I try to avoid throwing in random Japanese (the only other language I would even consider using, just because these are Japanese characters). I did have Sukuna say his famous “Gambare, gambare” line once but it’s just too iconic! 
19. First fandom you wrote for? 
First I wrote for: Sailor Moon. First I actually posted a fic online for: Dragon Ball Z. 
20. Favourite fic you’ve written? 
I’m going to pick one from each fandom, only among completed fics. 
BNHA: Trending Topics
JJK: The Offering
Tagging @missrosegold and any other writer friends who would like to do this!
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osakunt · 3 years ago
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「𝟭:𝟼𝟯 đ—œđ—ș」 - đ—§đ—Œđ—·đ—¶.𝗙
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"Megumi, you can let go now"
"Thank you do being an amazing mother figure in my life"
"Of course sweetheart. Thank you for letting me be that figure" smiling you ruffle the teenage boys hair glad to see that he was alright. When he came back looking dead from retrieving Sukuna's finger and fighting the curse with the death paintings you were rushing towards him once Yuuji and Nobara came running towards you saying that your beloved child was dead.
"Let me make sure that head of yours is alright. You were bleeding pretty badly when you got back" you inspect him making sure he was fully okay before dressing the wound on his head and kissing it, giving him another motherly hug.
"There she is !!! (Y/n)-san !!!"
"Not now, child" you quickly hush up Gojo who walked in whining about a small cut on his hand he had done to himself on purpose to go see you.
"What's the real reason you're here ?"
"To greet the most gorgeous women on earth" he smiles hugging you, smooshing his cheek with yours.
"Bullshit. You want something. What is it ?" You look up from the twin dogs Megumi had summoned.
Gojo smiles swiping his phone then turning towards you shoving it up to you face. Snatching the phone from away from your face you look at the picture of the man. Your eyebrow quirking up you let out a low chuckle.
"Greet him for me" you give back the phone, going back to check on the dogs in front of you. Megumi starting to get curious he looks over at the phone that was now locked.
Forgetting about it in a second he turns to you asking if his dogs were fine. " they'll be fine. Just let 'em rest." Sending him off and making sure he was no longer around your infirmary - you close the door and lock it.
Sitting back down on your rolling chair you look at the blue eyes dumb ass in front of you. "Is he back or did you stalk him ?" 
Taking his sun glasses off he gives you an offended look ,clutching his chest. "That hurted you know !!!"
"hUrTeD....same lol"
"But no. I was walking by when I saw him. Just had to take a picture ya know ? I mean you did have a little fling with him after all~" he boops your nose cackling
"I sure fucking did. Best sex I've ever had, like bro what !! All in all fuck him. He ain't shit" you turn to your phone pointing at the pigtailed male on the screen "He can get it though" you smirk at the younger male whose eyes went wide for a minute.
"The death painting ?!! But he's like 150 or something !!" Gojo yells finding it a bit weird.
"Close the door for me, I'll be heading out now. Might stop by that bakery Kento talks about" 
"Oh oh get me something"
"Sure whatever"
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"Come again !!" The girl from behind the counter smiles, waving you off as you smile leaving the establishment already digging in your bag of baked goods.
"Damn, sis knows who to make a mean ass cookie" munching away on the soft cookie you turn a corner to a busy street killing any little cursed creature that popped up in your sight.
Digging in the back for something more to munch on, your arm gets grabbed dragging you into some ally.
"Of course you aren't. You kill curses for a living. Killed a man too but that's not my business" The man speaks up, putting his gun away in his pants and letting you go.
"Toji,huh. So why'd you bring me to an ally ? Looks suth af fuk" your words muffled from the piece of cake you had taken a bite from.
Grabbing the plastic container and fork from you hands, Toji presses you against a wall kissing your jaw line. "Long time no see, (y/n)" his voice seductively going into your ear.
"We saw each other last week,sir"
"Exactly. last week." He kisses your lips tasting the chocolate frosted cake that was suppose to be for Gojo.
"How's Megumi ?" His eyes soften as soon as he asked for his son.
You smile patting his chest "Got into it with some cursed thingy mabob. Patched him up and sent him to rest. He'll be fine though. Gave him some pain killers to chill him out. Probably knocked out, from how strong those are"
"Please take care of him for me. I trust that he'll be safe if you're around" Toji sighs burying his face into your hair as he came in for a hug.
"Sooooo no sex ?" You joke then feel his arms tighten around you. "Fine, fine. Megumi is in good hands with me. The work he does is dangerous - can't lie about that. I'll always be there to intervene if things go wrong."
His once tight embrace now looser from getting the assurance that you'd do anything for the kid. And of course you would. You were the first person after Gojo who he was introduced to. Having more trust in you he became like your own. Though you and Toji did indeed have a little something something going on, you never had anything against the boy. Now all you'd do with Toji was hook up when needed.
"I wish I got to meet his mom. Bet she was nice."
"She was. Thank you for stepping in"
"I'm tired of you people saying "thank you"- even though I knew whose kid he was, I just felt like I needed to be in his life. Not because of you, cause fuck you but because of him. As soon as Gojo brought him into the school, first thing the kid did was look at me and ran towards me. After that I felt an attachment to him. As is I were his guardian. By all means I did it willingly. No need to thank me" you finally hug back receiving a kiss on your lips.
"I know but still thank you......So back to what I was saying...." Toji unlatches himself from you giving you a knowing look, making your way out the ally.
"Yea I'm down for some rough, back blowing sex" you beam at the male making him wonder why you were like this.
"Don't shy away tonight either,mister." You smirk; that same smirk disappearing when the cake you were still eating was taken from your grasp and eaten.
"You know what ? I don't think I wanna smoosh with you anymore. By the way where's the ugly worm that's always around you ?"
Feeling himself revive at your antics, Toji swings an arm around you to bring you closer, kissing your temple. "Sure are the charmer, ain't you ?"
ă€Œđ˜Œ 𝙛𝙚𝙬 đ™šđ™©đ™šđ™„đ™š 𝙗𝙚𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙙 đ™©đ™đ™š đ™—đ™€đ™©đ™ đ™€đ™› đ™źđ™€đ™Ș」
"I thought she said she had ended things with Megumi's dad." Gojo glares at the back of your head not understanding why you were with Toji.
"Probably fuck buddies" Shoko shrugs letting out the smoke from her lungs.
"Probably, but she said she wanted the pigtailed death painting !!"
"And she'll get him. Just let her do Toji, first. Take a picture so we have proof that we saw them. She won't tell us the details unless we show evidence"
"She also ate the cake that was suppose to be for me.."
"Fuck man. Let's go get your damn cake. Fucking cry baby, I swear" Shoko drags the white haired male to the same bakery, buying him three slices of the same cake you had gotten to shut his ass up.
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witchthewriter · 2 years ago
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Hey, I think this is where I do this and I believe I did everything I was supposed to! I've never done this before. Feels almost rude lol.
Can I request a level 6 ship for House of the Dragon, Grishaverse, and Stranger Things? I may come back for more lol.
About me!
Pronouns: she/her
Sexuality: straight but wouldn't kick Gal Gadot out of bed lol
Hogwarts House: Gryffindor
MBTI: INFJ/P
Zodiac: Scorpio sun, Scorpio moon, Pieces rising
Moral alignment: probably chaotic good
Looks: short, hourglass-ish figure, busty, sharp nose, blue eyes, pale skin, blonde hair just past my shoulders (a lot of people ask if it's my natural color so...I guess it's pretty?), my friend says I have elegant hands
Hobbies: reading, writing, horseback riding, belly dancing, traveling, photography, d & d if my group can ever get things organized, drawing, knitting very badly.
Likes: dogs, horses, bears, bats, tea, wine, books, caramel, pasta, classic rock, guitars, Impressionist art, Bach's cello suites (preferably played by Yo Yo Ma), comforting cartoons, old sweaters, bookshops and libraries, swimming in lakes, classic muscle cars, London, feathers, obsidian, red, blue, protest rallies, old shows like MASH and the Golden Girls, kids.
Dislikes: math, conservatives of any kind, bigots, not being able to protect the people I love, panic attacks, depression, cancer, people who mistreat animals and children.
Personality: I'm self-deprecating and have low, LOW self-esteem for sure. I've got a fun sense of humor. I'm pretty intelligent. I'm very protective of the people I love, ride or die for sure. Would help you hide a body 100%. I'm very passionate and want to help people. I'm good with kids but don't know if I'd ever have any of my own. Will abandon everything I'm doing to go pet a dog. I have anxiety and depression. Am healing from personal trauma. Learning how to love myself the same way I love my family and friends. I am an anxious apologizer. I love and feel very, very deeply.
Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays! Thank you! You rock!
Want one? Here be the rules 🩋🌈 
You're not being rude at all! You did everything right and it's an honest exchange. I hope you enjoy the ships, and have a happy holiday! P.s. you can absolutely come back for more!
Also when you said you have low self esteem, honey I completely understand you. I had such low self-esteem for such a long time, and I still do. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm right here. I hope you know how worthy you are of life and of love. self-esteem
𝐇𝐹𝐼𝐬𝐞 𝐹𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 đƒđ«đšđ đšđ§
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đ·đ‘’đ‘ đ‘đ‘Ÿđ‘–đ‘đ‘Ąđ‘–đ‘œđ‘› đŒ đ‘ đ˜©đ‘–đ‘ 𝑩𝑜𝑱 đ‘€đ‘–đ‘Ąđ˜© 𝐮𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑛𝑑 𝑇𝑎𝑟𝑔𝑎𝑟𝑩𝑒𝑛! He would help you come into your own person. Help you develop yourself in all areas; hobbies, skills, personality etc. I think he would be a mentor, friend and lover. 
đ»đ‘’đ‘Žđ‘‘đ‘đ‘Žđ‘›đ‘œđ‘›đ‘ 
・He didn’t want to do it. But Alicent insisted. You were a dragonseed, who had claimed Silverwing, and Alicent wanted you on the side of the greens, rather than the blacks. 
・Not really enemies to lovers. More reluctant to be in each other’s presence. But over time little slips of information would tumble from the both of you. And you started to like each other ... to care. 
・So your friendship grew, and it grew and grew until you had beat him in training and he smirked as the knife was at his throat. 
・Likes to lay next to you and watch the stars. You’d both mount your dragons and fly to a lonely hill and stay there overnight. 
・Hearing your laugh is the best noise in the world to Aemond
đ‘»đ’‰đ’†đ’Žđ’† đ‘ș𝒐𝒏𝒈:
We Know What You Whisper by Ludwig Goransson
đ‘č𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 đ‘»đ’“đ’đ’‘đ’†đ’”: ✧ He Looks Dangerous But Is Actually Soft x You Look Soft, But Are Actually Dangerous ✧ Both Wary of Love & Don’t Think This Can Be Real ✧ Bully Turned Puppy Lover
đ‘č𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 đ‘·đ’đ’đ’• đ‘»đ’“đ’đ’‘đ’†: ✧ Forced To Teach As Punishment
𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑱𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑱𝑡 𝑩𝑜𝑱: Your honesty, authenticity and ride-or-die attitude. The way you stay with the people you care about, ready to fight for them whenever they need it. 
𝑌𝑜𝑱𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑: Would be Laena and Rhaenyra. You three would have so much fun together. You'd be known throughout Westeros as the three devils or something. Your adventures would be told throughout the cities, and you'd never get into trouble because you're rolling with the two most powerful daughters in all of the Seven Kingdoms.
đ‘Šđ˜©đ‘–đ‘đ˜© đ‘đ˜©đ‘Žđ‘Ÿđ‘Žđ‘đ‘Ąđ‘’đ‘Ÿ đŒ đ‘Ąđ˜©đ‘–đ‘›đ‘˜ 𝑩𝑜𝑱’𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒: You remind of Rhaenyra so much! You seem like such a cool, down-to-earth person. Very genuine and authentic. There's something about you, just this energy - do you have some Aries, Sagittarius or Capricorn in your zodiac chart?
𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕:
You're bonded to the dragon Silverwing. She was the mount of the great Queen Alysanne (the wife King Jahaerys) who was the grandparents of Viserys, Daemon and Rhaenys II. Queen Alysanne brought about a lot of good change for the women in Westeros - she asked the female citizens to join her in a meeting and would regularly ask for their opinion on their troubles.
Silverwing is also the mate of Vermithor, the mount of King Jahaerys.
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đ’đ­đ«đšđ§đ đžđ« 𝐓𝐡𝐱𝐧𝐠𝐬
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đ·đ‘’đ‘ đ‘đ‘Ÿđ‘–đ‘đ‘Ąđ‘–đ‘œđ‘› đŒ đ‘ đ˜©đ‘–đ‘ 𝑩𝑜𝑱 đ‘€đ‘–đ‘Ąđ˜© 𝐾𝑑𝑑𝑖𝑒 𝑀𝑱𝑛𝑠𝑜𝑛! I think he would be such a hoot. Every time you hang out he makes you laugh and forget about your troubles. He really boosts your confidence and is absolutely astonished when you talk about your self-esteem. He thinks you are absolutely beautiful.
đ»đ‘’đ‘Žđ‘‘đ‘đ‘Žđ‘›đ‘œđ‘›đ‘ 
・You live in the same trailer park that Eddie and Max live in. You probably joined the Hellfire Club when your mum said you HAD to do an extracurricular activity at school.
・He intimidated you at first but you didn’t let it show. That’s what drew you to him. And then he realised you lived only a few trailers from each other (you already knew since you had a crush on him for years but he never noticed you before). 
・Makes mixtapes for you and labels them as memories you’ve shared together
・Loves when you show interest in Lord of the Rings - he literally talks your ear off. But he’s so grateful that you care
・Asks you the most random questions because he wants to know everything about you. And you know what? He memorises all your answers
đ‘»đ’‰đ’†đ’Žđ’† đ‘ș𝒐𝒏𝒈:
Bilbo's Song by Howard Shore
đ‘č𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 đ‘»đ’“đ’đ’‘đ’†đ’”: ✧ Unhinged (Eddie) x Partially Hinged (You) ✧ Emotional Support Animal In Human Form ✧ Dumbass (Eddie) x Oh God That’s My Dumbass (You)
đ‘č𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 đ‘·đ’đ’đ’• đ‘»đ’“đ’đ’‘đ’†: ✧ Secret Admirer
𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑱𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑱𝑡 𝑩𝑜𝑱: That you don't judge him, or anyone else for being 'weird'. You let people live their truths and listen when they need an ear or a shoulder to cry on.
𝑌𝑜𝑱𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑: Is Robin Buckley! You love it when she's passionate about something and wants to show you. She feels like a sister too. Someone who will always be on your side.
đ‘Šđ˜©đ‘–đ‘đ˜© đ‘đ˜©đ‘Žđ‘Ÿđ‘Žđ‘đ‘Ąđ‘’đ‘Ÿ đŒ đ‘Ąđ˜©đ‘–đ‘›đ‘˜ 𝑩𝑜𝑱’𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒: A mixture of El, Will and Robin. Very intellectual, and can see the world through different perspectives. But you can be quiet until you're comfortable.
𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕:
You found him wandering around the trailer park. He didn't have a name tag but was especially friendly. A bit thin but a wagging tail, you couldn't help but take him home with you (he was more than happy to come, he literally just followed you)
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đ†đ«đąđŹđĄđšđŻđžđ«đŹđž
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đ·đ‘’đ‘ đ‘đ‘Ÿđ‘–đ‘đ‘Ąđ‘–đ‘œđ‘› đŒ đ‘ đ˜©đ‘–đ‘ 𝑩𝑜𝑱 đ‘€đ‘–đ‘Ąđ˜© đ‘‡đ˜©đ‘’ đ·đ‘Žđ‘Ÿđ‘˜đ‘™đ‘–đ‘›đ‘”! I hate when the protagonist goes with the ‘good guy’, when the evil option is RIGHT THERE! The Darkling would never save the world over you. He would burn everything to the ground to save you. You’re his ride or die. He would never give you up. 
đ»đ‘’đ‘Žđ‘‘đ‘đ‘Žđ‘›đ‘œđ‘›đ‘ 
・Touches your cheek so gently, looking into your eyes like you can’t be real. But you are. And you love him, no matter what. 
・Calls you his world, his life, his heart. You are apart of him and he’s apart of you. You were meant to be together. 
・Knew you were the one when you weren’t scared of his powers, his shadows. You were intrigued, excited. You didn’t want him as an amplifier like everyone else. You wanted him ... for him. 
・His mother likes that her son has someone who loves him so fiercely. But she knows that his plan for the world will come true with you by his side. So she’s very conflicted. 
・As a Grisha yourself, you’ve been trained by the very best. He made sure of it. 
đ‘»đ’‰đ’†đ’Žđ’† đ‘ș𝒐𝒏𝒈:
Return of the Lion by Harry Gregson-Williams
đ‘č𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 đ‘»đ’“đ’đ’‘đ’†đ’”: ✧ The Moon and His Star ✧ Curious and Wide-Eyed (You) x Has Seen Everything, Thinks It’s Cute (The Darkling) ✧ “We’re Going To Rule The World Together”
đ‘č𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 đ‘·đ’đ’đ’• đ‘»đ’“đ’đ’‘đ’†: ✧ Destiny
𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑱𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑱𝑡 𝑩𝑜𝑱: Your loyalty. The way you won't give up on people, even if they seem too far gone. Your all-in attitude. He just loves it about you, because he has the same energy. You don't have to worry if 'you're too much', because he loves it. All of it. All of you.
𝑌𝑜𝑱𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑: Would definitely be Genya Safin! You two would bond over feeling like outsiders. She would tailor on you different hair colours or make up looks. And there would be a moment where you would come crying to her, asking her to change the way you look and she would. But show you in the mirror and say:
"I can change everything about your appearance. Every. Goddamn. Thing. But it doesn't change what's in here" and she would point at your heart. Because there's no one else like you, and there never will be. You have so much power and likeability that you don't even see.
đ‘Šđ˜©đ‘–đ‘đ˜© đ‘đ˜©đ‘Žđ‘Ÿđ‘Žđ‘đ‘Ąđ‘’đ‘Ÿ đŒ đ‘Ąđ˜©đ‘–đ‘›đ‘˜ 𝑩𝑜𝑱’𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒: Alina and Inej. Although you have low self-esteem, you have a genuine aura about you. Before people meet you, I bet they're really intimidated by you, but once they spend time with you they realise how amazing you really are.
𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕:
A very smart and reliable Raven. She always brings you messages from the Darkling when you’re apart and somehow understands you. She’s a beautiful thing with a good heart that can pick up your spirits. 
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dongofthewolf · 4 years ago
Note
Hiii! Can I request no.9 from the cliché prompts and fake dating au?
Making Amends
Abby Anderson x Reader
Prompts: 9. “There’s only one bed and we sleep as far away as possible from each other but wake up cuddling” 18. Fake dating au
Warnings: swearing, fluff, hint of angst, Owen and Mel slander (sry I had to)
No pronouns are mentioned for the reader
Link to the prompt list here
A/N: Both tropes are literally my favourite things ever and it was so fun to write so ty for requesting it. It ended up way longer than I intended so uhhh yeah hope you enjoy LOL (esp if you requested it)!!
“What the hell Abby?! Have you been telling people that we’re dating?” You had cornered Abby into a secluded hallway, trapping her against the wall with your finger on her chest accusingly.
There was a flicker of fear in Abby’s eyes as she chewed on her lip nervously. Abby was considerably stronger than you and you probably looked like a mouse trying to intimidate a lion, but you didn’t care.
Abby couldn’t meet your burning gaze, all she replied with was a prolonged “Uhhhhhh”.
“Abigail Anderson, answer me right now or I swear to God-” It was rare for you to whip out her full name. And maybe it was kind of a cheap move, but it was a cheap move that almost always worked.
“Fine!” Abby interrupted, letting out a short sigh and preparing herself for the worst. “I kind of told Owen we were dating and I'm pretty sure he’s been telling other people.”
She said the words as quickly as possible, closing her eyes like a bomb was about to go off. Your reaction wasn't far off to say the least.
“You what? Why the fuck would you tell him we’re dating?” There was venom in your words and Abby flinched just slightly.
You were angry, incredibly so. You and Abby have always been close friends, or more so you had been until she started dating Owen. At first it was small things; cancelling plans or leaving early because she was busy and you completely understood. It’s not like you didn’t want her to hang out with him, and obviously you wanted her to be happy, but eventually it got to a point where she hardly ever spoke to you. Aside from the occasional greetings in the busy stadium, it was like you guys had never even been friends.
Now, after completely ignoring you for the past months, she decided it was a good idea to tell people that you guys were dating? It only seemed right for you to be pissed off.
“I just... Everyone kept looking at me like some sad puppy dog because I broke up with Owen, which normally I can handle. But every single day I kept getting the same sad fucking looks and I couldn’t take it anymore, so I told them I was seeing someone. I never mentioned your name but they kept prying, and prying and you were the first person that popped into my mind. I’m really sorry Y/N.”
You didn’t say anything at first, instead you looked at Abby without a hint of emotion on your face, and even less in your tone when you did finally speak. “Why didn’t you tell me you guys broke up?”
Abby paused, she didn’t know what response she was expecting but it definitely wasn’t that. “I um, I figured you knew. Pretty much everyone in the stadium knows.”
“Yeah well
 I didn’t.” You were quiet. A part of you was angry and annoyed, but another part of you pitied Abby. She had never been one to lie, especially about something as petty as this.
Before you could think of something to say, Abby broke the silence. “Listen, I know you probably hate me right now, but I need to ask you a small favour.”
“Seriously?” You nudged Abby’s chest, pushing her into the wall again. The pity quickly dissipated to nothing, leaving you once again with a seething rage.
“Look, I know things between us haven’t been ideal but-“
“Haven’t been ideal?!” You interrupted, the absolute ignorance in her words tipping you off the edge. “Abby, you threw me away like I was trash! We were friends and you left me to hang out with Owen. I didn’t even know you guys broke up because you don’t tell me shit anymore!”
“I’ll do anything Y/N, okay? I’ll do your laundry, clean your room, I’ll even take your shifts for patrols.” Abby’s hands were on your forearms as she spoke. “Please just do this one thing for me and I’ll spend the rest of my life paying you back.” There was sincerity in Abby’s face, a hint of desperation too.
You paused. What could Abby possibly want so badly that she’d be willing to do all this for you? Even though you were angry at her, you’d be lying if you said you weren’t just a little bit intrigued.
“I’ll do anything Y/N, please. There must be something that you want.” Abby pleaded, absolute seriousness in her eyes.
“What I want is to never see you again.” Your finger was pointed at her chest again, poking her lightly.
Immediately you could see the hurt on Abby’s face. Okay, maybe that was a little bit harsh (and kind of petty) but you weren’t just gonna let Abby off that easily. Not after everything she’s done.
“Fine
” Abby paused to contemplate her next words, wiping the sadness from her face. “Fine, after tonight if you do this thing for me, we’ll never have to see each other again, I promise. I just need you to come to this party with me. We don’t have to talk or hold hands or anything and you can spend the whole night hating me, but I just need you there.”
“I-“ You couldn't do that. You couldn’t just pretend and lie to all of Abby’s friends for a whole night
 Could you?
“Please Y/N. It’s embarrassing, okay? When we broke up, Mel immediately jumped in to fill my space. Everyone knew it and I had to pretend like I didn’t care so people would stop treating me like a wounded animal. If they find out I lied about you? I don’t think they’ll ever stop seeing me that way.”
You looked at Abby and felt a tinge of sympathy, she looked so sad and desperate, and for a second you even considered it. One night couldn’t hurt, right? Wait, no.
You mentally slapped yourself, trying to snap yourself out of it. You were not going to give in that easily. Nope. This was Abby, the same girl who threw away your friendship like it was nothing, and you were not going to let her use you like this. Not even while she’s looking at you with those sad, blue eyes. Nope, you’re mad, you’re angry, you’re-
“Fine.” Fuck.
“Yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Abby’s eyes lit up as she wrapped her arms around you, lifting you into the air while she let out a breath of relief.
What did you just get yourself into?
—
“I can sleep on the floor, it's really no problem.” Abby offered, there was a slight nervousness in her tone as she stood in front of you shifting her weight on the balls of her feet.
“Abby, that’s stupid. It’s not like I’m infected or something.” You huffed, reaching for the box of matches to light the candle next to you.
Sometime after the party there had been a power outage and the entire WLF base went lights out. Meaning there was no heat and most annoyingly, no lights.
After a night of uncomfortable looks and even more uncomfortable conversations in which you spent most of the party trying to avoid Abby’s friends, she was walking you back to your room when everything suddenly went dark.
The both of you practically crawled to your room before you could locate a light source of some kind. It had been an hour since the power went out and you insisted that Abby sleep in your room, for
 safety purposes.
You shook the match till it was out, suddenly you were thankful for impulse buying those candles last week.
“It’s fine, I’ll just crawl halfway across the stadium until I find my room. No biggie.” You couldn’t tell if she was joking, but something in you felt like she would actually do it if you didn’t insist she stay here.
You sighed. “Just sleep here Abs, it’s easier and I’m offering. Plus, I don’t need you army crawling across the entire WLF base. It’s hard on the arms, even for someone as strong as you.”
“You think I’m strong?” Abby smiled teasingly and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes, looking away as you tried to hide the small grin on your face. God, it was hard to stay mad at Abby.
“Shut up and take the bed.” You could tell Abby was reluctant but she still plopped herself onto your bed. She sat awkwardly on the edge, unsure of how this was going to work.
You tried to ignore Abby’s weird energy as you buried yourself beneath the covers. It took a minute for her to actually lay down in the bed but when she did, she was careful to keep her distance. It was pretty funny (and pretty cute) how unsure she was.
After a few minutes of silence you heard Abby whisper your name softly, almost like she wasn’t sure if you could hear her.
Nuzzling your nose into your pillow you whispered back a small “Yeah?”.
“Thank you.” You could hear the genuity in Abby’s voice, how grateful she was for such a simple act and suddenly it hit you, you didn’t want her to leave you alone. You missed this—missed Abby.
Instead of responding you nudged her foot lightly with yours. It was something you guys had done as kids, like a silent way of saying “I’m here.”. Under the dinner table with the Fireflies or during training when you first joined the WLF; it was an unspoken thing between the both of you. An action that spoke much louder than words possibly could.
The both of you laid on opposite ends of the bed, your backs turned to each other. You shifted under the sheets before finally finding a comfortable position, you fell asleep that night to the steady sound of Abby’s breathing.
—
You were first to wake up, confusion washing over you when you felt your head rising and falling. Why the hell was your pillow moving? Then it hit you; it wasn’t the bed moving, it was Abby. Your head lay resting on Abby’s chest, her arm over your back while your limbs were wrapped around her like a giant stuffed animal. The sound of her beating heart was soft in your ears and you could feel her breath coming out in steady increments, blowing lightly against your head.
You weren’t sure what to do about your compromising position. It was already too late for you to leap out of her arms and a large part of you didn’t want to move anyways. So you decided to pretend to sleep until she woke up. That way you wouldn’t have to decide what to do, she would.
Abby woke up shortly after you, you could tell she was awake by the way her breath hitched in her throat upon noticing how you guys were situated. However, instead of jumping out of the bed in a panic, Abby didn’t move either, and it took everything in you to not open your eyes.
After a few moments of stillness, you almost thought she had fallen back asleep. It wasn’t until you felt a light touch on your temple that you realized she was awake. The touch so light you nearly missed it when Abby brushed a small strand of hair away from your face.
Then slowly, Abby pried you off of her and you nearly let a small groan slip from your lips when you felt the absence of her warmth. She gently rolled you over, covering you with the blanket before walking into the bathroom.
That’s when it happened: the ache. A sharp, jarring ache in your heart that you only felt with her— that you haven’t felt since the two of you were best friends. It had left you when you and Abby stopped talking, but it returned just the same when you witnessed the tenderness of her actions. You never thought to put a name to this feeling (and maybe a part of you didn’t want to), but it was near impossible to ignore it.
You couldn’t possibly be harbouring secret feelings for Abby, right? You tried to distract yourself from these thoughts, it was way too early to be worrying about these things.
Feigning tiredness you rolled off the bed and headed towards the bathroom. You knocked on the door and when Abby opened it you noticed she was in the process of redoing her braid.
You leaned against the doorway as you watched her skilled fingers work. “Abs?”
“Hm?” She replied as she tied off the end of her braid.
“I didn’t really mean what I said to you last night
 about never wanting to see you again. I’m sorry.” You picked at your thumb anxiously, eyes wandering around the room, looking anywhere but at Abby.
Abby turned to face you, letting the braid fall to her side. “You don’t have to apologize Y/N, I deserve it. I didn’t even hesitate to leave you when Owen and I started dating, and I was-“
“Stupid?” You finished for her, looking up from the floor to meet Abby’s gaze.
“Stupid. And for what it's worth, I’ve really missed hanging out with you Y/N, even if it is under these circumstances.”
“You know
 I think I know a way you can make it up to me, if you’re still up for it?” Abby looked at you with a raised eyebrow and you noticed the corner of her mouth curling into a small smile.
“Oh yeah? What would that be?”
“You see, there’s this guy that’s been trying to ask me out for weeks even though I keep rejecting him.” You gave Abby a tiny grin as you continued. “Well, maybe if he found out I was dating a certain soldier who could pound his ass into the ground, then he’d leave me alone.”
Abby nodded her head nonchalantly as she took a small step towards you, crossing her arms across her chest. “You know what’s crazy? I think I have just the person for you.”
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animeomegas · 4 years ago
Note
(infertile alpha request) oh, sorry! Preferably Naruto, Death Note or Obey me
(Thank you so much for clarifying! I’ve done Naruto and Death Note 💓 Enjoy!)
Naruto – He is a bit sad when he hears the news. He definitely wanted to adopt at least one child, so he’s not sad about never having children, because he knows he still can easily, but he was kinda really looking forward to being pregnant. He wanted to know what it was like, all the things he’d seen other couples go through (ultrasounds, cravings, birth classes), and it’s a little startling to have that dream suddenly ripped away from him. He’s not comfortable with any other conception methods, so he adopts all his children. But, when he’s cuddled up with his three adopted children, he can’t believe he was ever upset about not having biological children, and the thought that having biological children would have stopped him adopting all of his current children makes him feel sick because he can’t imagine a life without all his precious pups. Where would they be if he didn’t adopt them? Naruto decides that it was better this way, in the end.
Sasuke canon – Sasuke is very conflicted, at first. He had been clinging onto this dream of reviving his clan since he was a child, but now the only person he could ever tolerate having sex with can’t give him that
 He’s not getting a donor, no way. There are no orphans from his clan to adopt. He honestly doesn’t know what to do, there seems to be no good answer. In the end, I think he would decide to just never use birth control and see what happens. The chances may be extremely slim, but he’s not comfortable with any other conception method, so it’s this or nothing. It might actually be quite a good experience for Sasuke in the end, because he is finally forced to examine some of the goals he clung to as a child to keep himself from breaking down and see if they are something he ever actually wanted. He might think about what life would have been like with his own pup occasionally, but he’s never been as happy as he is with his alpha and that is more than good enough for him (but not good enough for the council who harass him about having as many children as possible, constantly.)
Sasuke non-massacre AU – He doesn’t think it’s a big deal tbh. He got himself sterilised while he was in his early twenties because he didn’t want to deal with the possibility of getting pregnant, and he had to fight his clan for it! So, he’s glad that you won’t have to do that same, but it’s easier for alphas anyway. If you’re in a relationship with him, then you obviously don’t want pups, so he doesn’t think much about it. He’s like “Oh, okay,” then ends the discussion.
Shikamaru – This might be a problem
 His child will be the next clan leader and they have to be of his blood, as is clan tradition. He would probably have to go for a donor to get pregnant, probably some distant clan member he’s never met before, but he feels really weird about it. He doesn’t like it, but he bites his tongue for once and gets on with it. He keeps it a secret from most people. The other biological parent is a clan member, so he just lets people believe that Shikamaru’s Nara genes were super strong, and that’s why there’s none of his alpha in their pup. I don’t think he would ever tell his pup that they weren’t biologically the child of both of their parents, he doesn’t think it matters and he doesn’t want to cause drama or have to involve the other bio parent if his pup asks after them. It’s better left as a family secret.
Shino – His situation is similar to Shikamaru’s. His child will be the next clan leader and in order to have a kikaichu and be trained like his clanmates, they have to be biologically an Aburame. Shino is also not comfortable with other conception methods, but mainly because he’s terrified of his alpha rejecting the pup if they aren’t theirs or reacting badly if Shino is pregnant with someone else. Some alphas have a hard time with those instincts and can’t accept non-biological pups or get violent when their mate is carrying someone else’s offspring. Shino is pretty scared. He also is so humiliated during the invasive insemination procedure. In the end, he had nothing to worry about, as his alpha was the perfect parent to their pup, but for about a year, Shino is constantly stressed that everything is going to change suddenly, and his mate will snap and leave them or something. It’s a tough time for him.
Neji – He’s actually quite relieved. It makes him feel a lot less guilty for his own fertility problems. If you’re both sterile, he’s sad that you’re both lacking something you want, but it makes dealing with his own problems easier. There are many orphans in the clan, so you both adopt from that pool, and Neji couldn’t be happier and prouder of his children.
Kakashi – Thank fuck for that. He got sterilised when he was in ANBU, just in case he had any missions that involved seduction. Kakashi might make a joke about how you’re lucky that you got to avoid the hospital and still be sterile. He wishes lol. Anything that helps him remain childless is good in his book.
Iruka – He makes sure his mate isn’t upset, but Iruka himself is totally fine. He wouldn’t mind not having children at all, and if they both decided to have children, Iruka would want to adopt anyway. He thinks it makes so much more sense to adopt when there are so many pups who need loving homes. He does get a little sad if his mate is sad though, but only out of empathy, not because he himself is sad.
Itachi canon – It is very helpful for him. While Itachi has issues with his heat and his health, he doesn’t have many problems getting pregnant, he just can't carry to term. And birth control is hard as a missing nin, so he’s very glad that he doesn’t have to worry about it. (Miscarriages are not fun, and with a fertile mate he would certainly have suffered through a few). It’s better for him this way, his circumstances prevent him from having children anyway.
Itachi non-massacre AU – He’s devastated. He doesn’t blame his alpha at all, but he’s very upset. His clan will never let him adopt, if they're losing one of their best shinobi to stay at home and raise children, those children better be the new top shinobi, so they have to be his biological children. He using artificial insemination, and he uses the sperm of another Uchiha (one that he's not directly related to). The clan elders are overjoyed that Itachi's pups will be 100% Uchiha blood rather than mixed. But Itachi is very, very firm about making legal protections for his mate as their pups' parent. He doesn't want his clan to pull anything to try and exclude his alpha or claim that his mate doesn't have authority over their own child. He's very firm about those conditions.
Sai – Huh, well, he hadn’t given pups much thought tbh. He’s totally okay with not having children, he genuinely doesn’t care that much. He likes it just being his alpha and him, so why change it?
Gaara – He’s another one who is completely devastated when he hears the news, but he is very stoic about it on the outside because he wants to be a good support for his alpha who might be struggling. He really mourns being able to carry his alpha’s pups. He doesn’t want to adopt because he really wants to carry a pup and breastfeed and everything, but he’s also worried about his alpha feeling betrayed or excluded if he goes for a sperm donor. He’s desperate for his own children, two at least, so he wants to use a sperm donor.
...
L – He nods and files it away in his brain with all the other information about his beloved, but he doesn’t file it as important. You have already agreed to not have children, so it doesn’t matter either way.
Light – Hmm, this is a problem for his plan. He needs someone to take over the perfect world he’s creating, and he was planning on it being the biological child of him and his mate. Well, it needs to be his child, but it doesn’t matter too much if it’s also his alpha’s biological child. Light isn’t comfortable with artificial insemination, but he’s down for seducing one of his fangirls/fanboys and using them. He wouldn’t tell them that the pup is theirs though because he doesn’t want to be tied down to someone he can’t stand. If they got too suspicious that his pup was theirs, they might find themselves the victims of a mysterious death.
Matsuda – He’s distraught for you and himself. He’s a very traditional person who wants traditional things, a couple of kids, a nice house, a dog, that kind of thing. He would want to try every possible method to conceive naturally, but after two years going back and forth between various fertility clinics, it’s clear that he’s not going to get what he wants. Matsuda goes back and forth between various other methods but eventually decides to adopt an infant. He never really stops hoping that he’ll magically become pregnant, but that doesn’t mean he loves his child any less, because he absolutely dotes on them.
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kbandtrash · 3 years ago
Text
NF Idol GF (Seunghyub)
~Rachel~
The one that you specifically asked for anon and it came last lol. He's my bias too lol inspiration was just slow
Masterlist
Content: established relationship, secret relationship, fluff
Word Count: .7k
After your debut you could swear every other word out of his mouth was collab
Like a cover on youtube, an original song that never makes it off of soundcloud, a cover stage together, a feature, he doesn’t care
He just wants to sing with you and share it
The only trouble is he can’t stop smiling at you long enough to remember his lines
He wants to do another [Love & Respect Arrange] of your group’s songs just so he can sing your lines and ask you later what you think
Whenever the two of you have a break at the same time, you like to go on little road trips
The entire time you’re blasting music and singing your hearts out
You cook together and you sing ballads to each other in the kitchen
That’s one of the reasons he fell for you in the first place
There’s nothing quite like the way your voices blend and harmonize
It just pierces through his heart every time he hears you
When it comes to whether or not fans suspect you’re dating
This man is so slick that fans don’t even know that you know each other
SIKE
Are you kidding me???
This man can’t even remember not to say brand names on vlive
You think he wouldn’t slip up within the week?
Luckily he hasn’t called you his girlfriend in public yet
But he will reference something you said on occasion
Fans are like “...there’s gotta be something going on there right?”
But the one thing Seunghyub is good about doing is not reading any comments addressing the issue
But after the vlive he’s like a dog that’s just been called a bad boy
Pouting and apologizing so like it’s impossible to be frustrated with him
Keeping this secret is hard on both of you honestly
He wants to show you off so badly
And if you were allowed to brag about him you’d never shut up
So for now you settle for long nights spent together in the studio
Something that’s fun to do
(And keeps him focused)
Is sitting back to back on the floor
He has a guitar and you have something to write and record
And you just create together
You like to joke that if you ever got to make this like a YouTube series it would be called “I’ve got your back”
But see the other problem with releasing something/just doing music together in general is that your chemistry is very clearly romantic
When he sings with you
He sings to you
He sings for you
You catch my drift? You feel me??
And you sing with him and to him and for him and like if anyone were to witness this
It would be too obvious
You are with each other and you are for each other
Sorry getting too emo here my bias is showing though sorry
Um anyway
Jaehyun likes to gag at you
Hun third wheels off to the side to make sure you’re not being sus
Hweseung and Dongsung like to watch and commentate from afar like those two muppets
Your group members like to pretend to be your overprotective parents to try and scare him off
He finds that hilarious by the way and he plays along
But when it’s just the two of you without an instrument in sight
He always lets you know how much you matter to him
As if you didn’t already know
He gives such thoughtful compliments that you have no room to feel insecure
Oh boy and then the way he looks at you
In general
But specifically when you tell him something he needed to hear
When you give him exactly the validation he was hoping for
Oh man you could melt
And his dorky little smile gosh and when he laughs there’s just nothing like when it’s for you
He’s kinda dumb but all of the stupidity is Lovefool
He is with you and he is for you and I need to stop but gosh you’re just everything for each other
Cha Hun
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feelingofcontent · 3 years ago
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DNP Rewatch: My Childhood Horror Movie!
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Date video was published: 03/08/2014 (X)
DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 218
I haven’t seen this one in a while, and I’m excited to rewatch it! Phil had to have the original VHS converted to make this video.
0:00 - I don’t remember this Phil shirt at all! Do we ever see it again after these next two videos?
0:01 - they had been preparing to sell the house back at Christmas 2013. This is when Kath & Nigel moved to Isle of Man, I’m guessing?
0:05 - ahhhh! So maybe his parents were visiting when he shot the last video and the suitcase was in the background
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0:12 - wow, cassette tape and VHS. And adorable little Phil with dog đŸ„ș
0:23 - lol at Phil choosing this photo of his 12-year-old self
0:50 - I mean...the music is creepy so good start
1:03 - that is a lot of stabbing 
1:08 - love the crosses and skull & crossbone combo on this “title card.” You can already tell how creative 12-year-old Phil was.
1:12 - “one faithful day”...should probably be “one FATEFUL day” but they were 12 so understandable
1:27 - and here comes the promised “bad acting” and “northern accents” 😂
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2:05 - the amount of different shots/scenes and music choices are pretty impressive for 12-year-olds
2:27 - wow look at that 90s technology
2:42 - “do you wanna die tonight?” ...no response just hang up the phone 😂
2:55 - wow that is a pretty view
3:02 - I can’t identify that TV show, but there seems to be a half-shirtless guy and why is that so on-point for Phil
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3:17 - a bit of an editing issue there it seems
3:24 - climbing-fail
3:44 - can definitely see the influence of Phil watching a lot of horror movies
3:51 - well this is some intense “acting” lol
4:16 - “do you know whether he had any jealous girlfriends?” The kid playing the detective is great.
4:50 - dramatic moving shot
5:19 - and slow mask reveal. I am impressed with 12-year-old Phil’s directing skills
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5:56 - so much ketchup blood and the poor parents who probably had to try to get it out of all their clothes 😂
6:14 - oh I wondered if we were actually going to get a “happy” ending
6:18 - LMAO at this end-title card
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6:43 - next video!
6:55 - oh, he forgot to say “today’s draw Phil naked is...”! That’s rare.
Ah, so much little Phil! I love seeing how creative he was. I SO badly want to see a Phil-now directed short film or something.
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hopefulobjectmiracle · 4 years ago
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A quick analysis of the puppy scene in 3x15, because my OTP is perfect.
This is honestly just a whole lot of gushing and flailing, tbh. Because Kurt and Blaine and their relationship are wonderful and I love them so, so much. So much so that I can write paragraphs on a scene that is barely one minute long. 
This somehow ended up being much longer than I intended, oops. Hope you enjoy it :)
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We start off this scene with Blaine alone at his locker, presumably putting away his belongings from his last class, and you can still see Kurt’s ‘Gay-diddy-gay-gay-gay’ class council election poster on the inside of Blaine’s locker, even months after Kurt lost the election. But Blaine still keeps it up, because he loves Kurt, and if he had it his way, Kurt would win everything. Awww. He appears to be deep in thought, and when Kurt hides behind Blaine’s locker, speaking in the world’s most adorably terrible British accent, it startles Blaine for a second.
And man, does that make me sad. This is a kid that has been bullied, undoubtedly shoved into lockers and pushed here and there just like Kurt was. He hears an unfamiliar voice and immediately flinches back in fear, expecting the worst. 
But it isn’t the worst - it’s the best. Because it’s Kurt, the person Blaine loves more than anything, hiding behind the locker, and it’s Kurt speaking in that cute-ass accent holding a stuffed puppy in front of his face. 
(Side note - I once read that Chris Colfer improvised the dialogue and accent of this scene, as well as coming up with the name for the puppy, which totally checks out since Chris is a huge Anglophile.)
And as soon as Blaine recognizes his boyfriend, his face breaks out into the sunniest smile, and he does his signature “Kurt-made-me-laugh” move, the blushy head-duck (see here for reference). 
Kurt also looks similarly delighted to see Blaine, because Blaine is lovely and Kurt loves him so, so much, and because he’s also excited to show Blaine the gift he got him and help Blaine out with his problems. Kurt really loves Blaine, y’all. He looks so damn proud of the stuffed animal he got for him and equally proud of his own ability to make Blaine laugh with his clever puns. 
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Kurt goes on to explain that Finn won the stuffed puppy while out at the amusement park for Senior Skip Day, along with thirteen others for Rachel, and as soon as he says this, Blaine nods along as if to say - oh, of course, that Rachel - because Blaine is considerate as hell and knows his friends very well. And in honest-to-god Kurt fashion, bb stole the puppy from his brother, because Kurt is the definition of Be Gay, Do Crime, and he also recognizes that Rachel does not need 14 different stuffed animals. 
He pouts a little right then, telling Blaine that he wanted to give it to him so that Blaine would have something, since Kurt wasn’t able to convince Blaine to go with them on the field trip. I wonder how that conversation went. 
Also, pouty Kurt is fucking adorable. Protect him at all costs.
Blaine is melancholy again, telling Kurt that he would have just brought the mood down for the group. And when Blaine says this? Kurt stops beating around the bush and gets straight to the point. 
Sweetly stroking the stuffed puppy, Kurt tells Blaine that he understands him. That he gets that family problems are hard, because they’re hard for him too. He uses himself as an example to try and get his point across to Blaine more effectively, and mentions that he and Finn disagree on nearly everything, but at the end of the day, they love one another and are always there for one another despite their differences. 
I’m also getting so many brotherly Furt feelings from Kurt referring to Finn as “the big lug” and talking about how much he loves him. Ugh. I also cry at the line where Kurt tells Blaine that he only has one brother and shouldn’t give up on that, given what happens to Finn. I wish we’d gotten more of that relationship in canon before Cory’s untimely passing, because they clearly had so much love for one another, both on-screen and off.
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Anyway, Kurt sees the love he has with his brother and wants Blaine to be able to experience the same thing, because he loves Blaine so, so much and he thinks that Blaine deserves everything great in this world. He also brings back the cute-ass accent, and upon seeing Blaine look upset, bumps Margaret Thatcher Dog against Blaine’s cheek to get him to smile again - which Blaine absolutely does; his face is bright and sunny again because of Kurt’s silliness. Awww. 
Kurt tells Blaine never to give up, and Blaine indignantly responds that Cooper is the one who is leaving for a big audition. Kurt pauses, and tells Blaine that Cooper hasn’t actually left him yet. He says that Cooper is waiting in the auditorium, hoping that Blaine will come and talk to him and make things right. This line very strongly implies that Kurt and Cooper coordinated this, and that Kurt made an effort of talking to Cooper to try and arrange a meeting with Blaine - because in a matter of mere days, Kurt was able to glean how important their relationship was to Blaine and wanted to do everything he could to fix it. Give him all the boyfriend awards, folks.
I’m kidding. Please don’t start the Better Boyfriend Olympics again, lol.
Blaine huffs out that talking doesn’t actually work with Cooper, and that he’s tried it to no avail. And Kurt just nods knowingly, as if he was aware that Blaine would say that. And though it isn’t explicitly mentioned, I bet he did know. He then goes on to say that perhaps talking isn’t the best answer for Blaine. Maybe there’s something else, a better method of communicating his feelings that would work more for Blaine. 
Okay. You know what this reminds me of? Flash back a year, to Silly Love Songs. This is (perhaps unintentionally) a direct callback to 2x12. Back when Blaine was still crushing on someone who is not Kurt, he said this to the Warblers about his idea to serenade Jeremiah. 
Blaine (2011): I'm not really good at talking about my feelings. I'm much better at singing them.
And here are Kurt’s words, from more than a year later. 
Kurt (2012): Maybe talking is not the answer. Maybe you need to show him how you really feel in the best, most honest way you know how. 
Can I just stop right here and squeal a little bit? Because Kurt knows his boyfriend so, so well. He remembers the things that Blaine tells him, even things from over a year ago. He holds onto this key piece of information about Blaine, because Blaine is important to him and the things he tells Kurt are worth remembering. And here, in this scene, he puts his memory to good use to try and remind Blaine of his most effective and heartfelt form of communication so that he can help Blaine mend fences with his brother. 
GIVE HIM THE BOYFRIEND AWARDS, FOLKS!
Kurt is so, supportive of Blaine and just wants the best for him, and it just boggles my mind when people claim that Kurt didn’t love Blaine as much as Blaine loved him, because from even short simple scenes like this one, anyone can tell that it isn’t true. 
After listening to Kurt, Blaine stops, and for the first time, genuinely considers it. Prior to this, all of Cooper’s attempts at talking couldn’t get through to him. Blaine still felt the jealousy and resentment from all those years growing up. But after hearing Kurt’s advice, he puts that aside and realizes that some things, like family, are more important, and so he makes that decision to go see his brother and try and express his feelings in a different way. 
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Blaine turns to go meet Cooper, and Kurt watches him go, looking so damn proud of his boyfriend and so, so hopeful...
Y’all know what happens next. Blaine and Cooper, a pair of brothers, sing a breakup song. Yet somehow, it works. Singing manages to communicate all of those emotions that were suppressed before, and opens the doors for real conversation between the two of them. They do successfully patch things up, with Cooper finally recognizing Blaine’s talent and Blaine trying to support Cooper in future endeavors. They are on a path to a close relationship, which is all both of them had ever really wanted in the first place. 
And if not for Kurt’s advice, this may not have happened. Y’all heard that right - Kurt Hummel helped Blaine patch things up with a member of his family because he knew how important it was to Blaine, and he knew how badly Blaine wanted this even if Blaine didn’t let it show. From all the bits and pieces of information we’ve gathered over the years about Blaine’s family, they don’t appear to be all that close, which is why it’s even more important for Blaine that he is able to reconcile with his brother.
(For more of my thoughts on Blaine’s family, feel free to check out this analysis of mine. Yeah, this is a shameless self promo. Deal with it.)
So...what was the point of this analysis? I’m not quite sure. I suppose I just had a lot of feelings about Blaine, Klaine, family, and the way that Kurt shows love. Like I’ve said millions of times, just because Kurt is more subtle in the way that he shows love to Blaine, doesn’t mean that it’s any less powerful. Scenes like this, in which he handpicks Blaine’s own words and uses them to push Blaine towards something he was too afraid to admit he really wanted? Kurt helping reconcile Blaine with his family? This is Klaine at its best, and scenes like this are why I will always, always ship this couple. 
Kurt and Blaine are incredible, y’all. 
Peace. 
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damerondala · 4 years ago
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Suture Up Your Future
i was watching reservoir dogs last night and that scene in the beginning with mr. orange is so intense i wanted to write some bad batch AnGst that mirrors it (and yes, the title is a queens of the stone age song, im really just snatching ideas from everybody huh lol). im also not too knowledgeable about trauma wounds like this and how to patch them up, but i did my best so pls be nice lmao im a sensitive bitch
Pairing: Platonic Bad Batch x Gender Neutral Reader / Platonic Tech x Gender Neutral Reader 
Warnings: adult dialogue, severe wounds and blood loss, wound suturing, sad batch ℱ but with a happy ending! yay! 
Word Count: approx. 1.4k 
✧·: *✧·:* *:·✧*:·✧
“Say it for me, Tech.” You were met with an agonistic cry instead of the words you needed the trooper to say. Not only to reassure himself, but you as well. “Say it,” you nearly screamed while he lay there bleeding out, “You’re going to be okay, fucking say it. You’re going to be okay.” 
“I,” a sharp intake of breath made his chest heave and a new wave of fresh blood come out of his gaping wound, covering your hands in the warm substance, “‘m guh be oh-okay.” 
“There we go, come on Tech, come on buddy breathe for me.” 
~
Nothing was out of the ordinary when you woke up that day. Hunter asked if you wanted to stay on the Marauder while he, Tech, and Crosshair went on a supply run. Hunter sang his reassurances to you, fully knowing you had a point when you reminded him that this planet was not the most welcoming place for outsiders. Especially the army of the Republic. But Hunter made sure they had civilian clothing to disguise themselves; this was the closest planet you all could get to at the moment, with the little fuel you had, after all. “In and out, just like that,” the sergeant cooed with a snap of his fingers to enunciate the last word of his promise. 
Echo, Wrecker, and yourself gave your best wishes to the group, then retreated back to the hull of the beloved ship. Echo toying with a new prosthetic he and Tech had been working on, Wrecker subjecting poor Gonky to yet another workout, and you occupied yourself with some tidying up. Maker knows that five busy soldiers plus one even busier medic, patching up said soldiers on a regular basis, equaled a filthy ship that was in dire need of some elbow grease. 
What none of you had expected however, was the very early return of the three bad batchers, one of them being supported by the other two. Barely able to walk and blood leaking out of his abdomen. 
Panic set in your gut upon the sight. Wrecker and Echo already in front of you, screaming their concerns and questions while you scrambled back into the ship to clear the table that was littered with empty dishes and Tech’s projects, then sprinting to your medkit to snag the supplies you’d need to treat a wound such as this. Returning to the table just as Wrecker set his vod down on the flat surface that, might you add, was much too small for his six-four frame and much too dirty for the situation at hand, but would have to do. Considering the severity of the scene before you. Tech had an enormous gash — you guessed from some sort of large knife — that ran from the bottom of his left ribs all the way to the front of his abdomen, ending just above his bellybutton. 
“Fucking bounty hunters,” Crosshair growled from behind you but you couldn’t afford to pay him any mind, Tech was damn near about to bleed to death if you didn’t act quick. You could curse the people who did this to your friend later. “Echo, he’s going to need more blood. Get Wrecker hooked up to the blood draw.” You ordered while applying pressure to the gash, Tech’s blood slowing at the contact, but still steadily seeping through your fingers. Normally Wrecker would pout about being hooked up to a machine but the sight of his friend dancing with death made him move quicker than any of you had ever seen, ripping his shirt sleeve up so Echo could begin drawing blood. 
The scene felt like a dream. Well, more like a nightmare, one that never stopped no matter how badly you wished you could just wake up and it would all be over. Instead, you were sweating through your shirt, a few tears stained your cheeks, and you were fucking covered in blood; Tech’s blood, to make the matter even more chilling. Everything happened so fast, you desperately wished you had gone on the run instead of Tech. Maybe that way you could all be sitting around this table, playing cards and giggling at Echo and Wrecker’s bickering over who’s cheating by now. 
“What do you need me to do?” Hunter stepped to your side, prepared to do anything in order to save the youngest of the squad. “Get the gauze and alcohol out of my pack.” You threw your head in the direction of the stocked medpack sitting on the table near Tech’s legs. Hunter opened the bottle of antiseptic and handed it to you, Crosshair on the other side of the table taking the gauze from Hunter’s hand. Ready to stuff the wound in an attempt to slow the bleeding more until you could properly suture him up. Dumping the alcohol inside the gash caused Tech to gasp, eyebrows furrowing and body going taut at the pain you inflicted on him. You pleaded with him to relax and help you in reassuring himself that he would be fine. Both you and Hunter continuing the verbal comfort while Crosshair unraveled the pristine white gauze and began shoving it into Tech’s side, dying it crimson almost immediately. The pressure from both yours and Crosshair’s hands did a good job at stopping the blood loss, just enough so you could begin really cleaning him up and sewing his abdomen back together. Hunter helped with handing you the needle and thread and you began puncturing Tech’s skin and pulling the thread through the tissue. 
Cries and mumbles of curses came from Tech’s lips, his face paler than any of you had ever seen before. “Shhh
eh..it,” Tech groaned as you diligently worked at his stomach. You silently thanked whatever celestial  power that was out there for slowing down the blood flow to a much more manageable pace. Crosshair’s efforts clearly paid off, you mentally noted, as you watched his steady marksman hands slowly remove the gauze while you advanced with your stitching. 
“Blood transfusion is ready,” Echo suddenly appeared, ready to start replenishing the blood Tech had lost. “Just in time,” you managed a half-smile, not entirely sure of where it came from. But looking back, you think it was out of hope. 
Tech’s glazed eyes silently caught the way your mouth curled up and he was infinitely grateful for it. To him — and the other members of the squad — you were a beacon of light in the cruel and unforgiving war you all were in the midst of. It was easy to let the darkness and the violence consume them, but the second you joined their squad as their senior medic, there was that sudden sense of hope; you were something that made all of it even more worth it. 
The entire procedure of fixing up your friend honestly was a blur for the most part. One second they were dragging Tech’s limp and bloody body up the ramp, the next you all found yourselves slumped into chairs, over crates, hell, you were nearly passed out from exhaustion on the floor next to the table Tech was splayed out on. His wound clean and stitched to near perfection, and Wrecker’s blood slowly being pumped back into his veins, bringing that beautiful, healthy tan back to his features. 
Being so tired led you to neglect the dried blood all over your arms and shirt. In your haze, you remember Wrecker gently grasping your biceps and heaving you off the grimy ground, urging you to wash up and change. When you began to protest, the gentle giant rubbed up and down your arms in an effort to persuade you, “He’ll be fine, kid. You stitched him up real good. Plus, you know how queasy he gets with blood. He’d want you to get cleaned up.” Just as the final syllable left his mouth, you felt the soft cotton of your extra shirt being brushed against your forearm, Crosshair’s arm extended to you from his place on a ration crate with a nod in your direction. A silent way of showing you he agreed with his older brother — we got him, don’t worry. 
Your squad member’s wisdom proved to be true. Stepping out of the fresher in a new shirt sans sweat stains and blood, and your skin nice and clean, you were greeted with the sight of everybody crowding around their youngest vod still laying on the table. Weaseling your way in between Hunter and Echo, you found Tech awake. Albeit less sharp than he usually is, but still awake. Breathing. Fucking alive. The weight of dread that had been crushing your chest was suddenly gone, letting your lungs fully expand for the first time in hours. A soft hand found Tech’s cheek, the tips of your fingers accidentally bumping the edge of his goggles and another smile gracing your face, this one out of relief. 
“Told you you’d be okay.” 
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waynedunlaptheorgandonor · 4 years ago
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hey so “find me” dropped on premiere and i just watched it, so you know what that means??
it’s review time!
(super rambly as usual) spoilers under the cut
before i say anything, let me say, IT’S FINE, Y’ALL. as predicted. people are gonna be dramatic bc there are daryl/leah scenes, but like...we been knew? and some of them were rly important caryl-wise. (tbh, the episode was kind of boring and just a set-up for other stuff, lmfao)
okay, review:
opening credits, which i think most of us have already seen, were cute. obvi there was some weird tension with daryl that leads to the coming-to-a-head thing at the end, but their banter is still cute af
they went fishing and daryl’s reaction to carol was adorable, and there’s an important parallel later on, so bookmark this
similarly, there’s an important parallel to carol’s “the dead catch up to us eventually”/daryl’s “i ain’t gonna let it”, so bookmark that, too
dog is the instigator for the flashbacks, so if you wanna blame anyone, blame him. he races to the cabin, which for some reason daryl, who spent five years in this forest, seemed surprised to see? didn’t you literally map out that whole area, my dude? whatever
cue flashback!
i might have the scene order mixed up, but i think it starts with daryl being all sad by himself, and then dog as a puppy shows up and he’s like “!!! a dog!!!” which is v cute, and then he runs back off. we don’t meet leah yet
we see carol and daryl having a conversation while standing on opposite sides of a river for no reason except to probably symbolize distance or maybe covid, lol. the conversation basically goes:
carol: things are different
daryl: yeah
carol: how long are you gonna be out here?
daryl: -shrug emoji-
carol: i get why you’re out here, and i’d join you if things weren’t...
daryl: different
carol: yeah
daryl: yeah. anyway, it’s gonna rain, and also i’m having emotions, so ttyl
the end
at some point we see daryl sitting with an extremely unhappy face while it pours rain on him in the dark, and i want that as a reaction gif IMMEDIATELY 
also the rain destroys his “where in the world is rick grimes?” map, which makes him v upset and scream-y, and we get the idea that he might be going a bit bonkers being all alone looking for a dead (or, ig, kidnapped by helicopter) man
in present day carol finds the note, and is like “oh dunk, she lived here??” so she knew about leah, and daryl’s like, “i already told you everything,” and carol’s like, “no you didn’t,” so we go back to flashbacks (but i’m still not sure what parts carol didn’t already know?? whatever, it’s not that important)
i’m just gonna hit the highlights of the flashbacks bc they were not that thrilling:
first time daryl meets leah the dog leads him to her cabin, and leah ties him to a chair and holds a gun to his head being like, “what are you doing on my land?” bc apparently you can claim whole forests during the apocalypse, and daryl says very little, and eventually she lets him go
next time dog finds daryl and he brings her back and leah is like, “the dog likes you” and they’re kinda flirty, and then daryl says very little and leaves
next time daryl is surrounded by walkers and leah shows up and helps and they hide in a tree and are awkwardly close to each other and daryl cannot handle the close physical contact so when the walkers pass he says very little except to tell her to never come back again, lmfao
the next flashback is my favorite bc daryl just fucking
goes to leah’s cabin and throws a fish at the door???
i laughed for ten years
he throws a fucking fish and then stands there for a minute like “is she gonna notice that i gave her a fish??” like, no, dumbass, you didn’t even knock, you just threw a fucking fish at her fucking door, what is wrong with you??
no wonder it’s taken him and carol so long if he thinks throwing fish at people is a smooth move. boy has NO fucking game
anyway, leah gets him back by finding him and throwing the fish at his head, being like, “wtf, don’t throw fish on my porch?” which, fair, leah
IMPORTANT CARYL PARALLEL (from here on out known as “caryllels”) #1: so earlier i mentioned the carol fish thing, and apparently the same thing happened with leah, where she speared a fish on her first try and daryl was like “tf?” v blatant “we are supposed to be thinking about carol and daryl’s relationship during this scene” sort of thing
leah’s backstory is bland. had a family, they got eaten or disappeared or something. she, her adopted son, and dog’s mom got away, but the kid was bit, and died the same day dog was born, bc ig when god closes one door, he replaces your dead son with a puppy, or however the idiom goes
ONLY PART THAT GOT ME LEGIT EMOTIONAL: 
leah asked daryl who he lost, and he says, “my brother”
asklfdjaslfdjskl
god i miss rick
i hated rick for so long and now i miss him so much
but i digress
IMPORTANT CARYLLEL #2: leah and daryl have the same “the dead get you eventually”/”i ain’t gonna let it” conversation as caryl had earlier, only daryl is playing the role of carol in this scenario, so again we’re supposed to be comparing the two relationships. lemme get through the rest of the summary and then i’ll tell you my opinion on what that means
fuck what even happens next?
i have these out of order bc they were all the fucking same, but the two of them get closer, and there is the vaguest suggestion of sex ever. you literally only see daryl’s hand
then jump-cut to them sitting at the table being emo, ig bc daryl was gonna go back to look for rick for a bit, and leah is like “who do you belong with? your brother you won’t stop looking for? your family that you left? [side note: that seemed rather pointed, like, “hey hoe, you abandoned your family, that was kind of a dick move”] or me?” and he says he doesn’t know, and she’s like “yeah you do, now choose”
jump-cut to caryl scene where carol finds him at the river and says that she won’t be visiting as much, and daryl’s like “k” and they have a brief argument where daryl’s all snippy, like, “what? do you want my permission for you to move on with your life? i’m not still emo about the fact that you’re moving on with your life, and i also don’t think it’s contextually significant that every time you show up in my flashbacks you explicitly mention that you’re married and have a kid,” and carol is like, “bro, you need to Get Your Shit Together and come home”
jump-cut to daryl having what i’m assuming is an epiphany that carol/fam have all moved on while he was out being emo, and so he decides to go be with leah, except, plot twist! she’s gone. the picture of her and her son is gone, but dog is still there. daryl leaves the note, which says, “i belong with you, find me”
for those freaking out about the wording about the note, may i remind you that she specifically asked, “do you belong x, x, or with me?” so he was just answering the question
aaaaaand back to present day
carol is like, “what do you think happened to her?” and daryl is all -shrug emoji-, and then she’s like, “...do you think she might have just...you know...left?” and daryl gets rull offended, which was kind of funny
(she probably just left, bud)
carol tells daryl to stop thinking that when people leave it’s bc of him, and connie’s name gets thrown into the mix, and daryl gets a “oh here we fucking go” look on his face, and it sets him off
he said basically what we were already spoiled for. “you just want to run, you don’t know when to stop, i shouldn’t have taken you off the boat bc you still just want to run” etc
and carol looks fucking HEARTBROKEN, which hurt me, and she goes into the other room and we end the episode with daryl staring forlornly out of the window 
the end
okay
so quick analysis
i think the significance of this episode is supposed to be so we have an understanding of why daryl is suddenly so !teamfamily, and !teamfuture, and how badly he wants carol to be there with him. at one point, one of them even says, “this isn’t about leah, or connie,” or anyone but the two of them. the title “find me” feels significant, bc the whole episode is daryl grappling with where he’s supposed to go, and what his purpose is, and by the end, he says to carol, “i know where i belong,” (implying, with her and the fam), pulling us full-circle. in the first flashback onward he is lost, but by the end he is found -cue amazing grace-
daryl and leah were flirty, but to me it felt very much like something that was just being used as daryl character development. we barely got anything that juicy between the two of them (except the fish throwing thing, that was amazing), and i still don’t think that it would make any sense, regardless of the showrunner, to pair daryl up with some rando after having so many other choices that people would have preferred. i don’t think we’re meant to #endgame ship it, so much as we are supposed to be like, “oh, ok, daryl learned the power of family and stability and leveled up, -you know what that is? growth gif-” as a result, i literally have no idea what leah’s role is gonna be in s11, but i don’t think it’ll be a huge plot point
so now we firmly know where daryl stands. he is all about moving forward, not looking back, and doing the best he can, and he’s frustrated bc when he took carol off the boat he wanted her to be in the same place as him so that they could grow together, but she wasn’t and isn’t there yet
so my guess is that what’s next for carol’s storyline is her reaching that same zen-level daryl’s at
once they’re both there, then they get to ride off into the sunset and make passionate love under the moon casting shadows over the vast desert wasteland 
whew
anyway
tl;dr: idk, episode was fine, if not kinda boring. lots of caryllels. can i go back to writing my vietnam war au now? 
the end
(stay hype, stan kang, and get daryl to call carol sweetheart 2k21),
-diz
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wormstacheangel · 4 years ago
Text
6th of December, 2021
Hello! Welcome to day 6 of this countdown to Christmas where I just add some Christmas decorations and call it a Christmas fic lol It’s more of Dean and Jack relationship because nothing is fixed over night. Masterpost link here!
Summary: So these are set in 2021 after Cas was rescued from the Empty. He is working on remodeling their new home, Jack is a Nephilim again, Dean works in a garage and they all live together as a happy family with Miracle the dog. Sam and Eileen are still hunters who mostly kick ass from the bunker as they run the network. More family’s and friends pop up along the way because everything is fine and nothing hurts!
“Dean, you need to calm down before we get there.”
“No.”
“Dean.”
“I told Sam-!” Dean’s hands tightened on the steering wheel as he drove closer to the bunker. “I told him I didn’t want Jack anywhere near a damn hunt and now he’s...he couldn’t even fly home, Cas!”
“He’s not hurt. He just overworked himself.” Cas reached over and placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. “Jack’s fine but we’re not gonna be if you wrap us around a tree. So slow down.”
Dean took a deep breath as he eased his foot off the pedal. He didn’t say anything more about the subject as he focused on driving and on Cas’s hand that kept skimming his arm in comfort.
When they got to the bunker Dean felt a pang of sadness to see his once upon a time home crawling with strangers but that feeling was overpowered by his need to see his kid. People moved out of the way as he made his way through the familiar halls to head to Jack’s old room, Cas’s hand in his was the only thing keeping him from losing his mind in worry and anger. 
“Dean!” He heard a familiar voice and he turned to see Claire running towards them from the library. He can feel his boyfriend freeze when he saw that she had a huge blood soaked bandage on her forehead. 
She ran straight into Cas’s arms for a hug and he was quick to hold her, hiding his face in her hair as he sighed in relief. 
“Hiya, Cas.”
“Claire.” Cas sighed happily and left a kiss on top of her head before he pulled away to look at her. “Are you okay? What are you-?” 
His voice trailed off as he reached to touch the band aid, his fingers lingering over it for a second before his expression twisted into guilt. “I’m sorry I can’t...I can’t heal you.”
“I’m fine.” She smiled reassuringly at him while she pushed his hands off her. “Come on. Jack is asleep but I don’t want to leave him alone for too long.”
“Where’s Sam?” Dean asked as they followed her down the hall again. “Why is he alone? Where’s Eileen?”
“They’re around here somewhere. It's just been a little hectic since this morning. So I volunteered for babysitting services.”
“Thank you, Claire.” Cas quietly tells her, the sincerity making Claire blush as they stop outside of Jack’s door. 
“Well he’s my little brother right?” She shrugged looking away from Cas who looked like he was just told that he won a trip to Disney World. “Plus, he kind of saved all our asses back there. Mine mostly.”
“Thanks kid.” Dean dipped his head to kiss her head before he opened the door to Jack’s room. 
He saw Jack was sleeping on his back, the brown ugly blankets didn’t compare to the space themed one’s he had at home, with his teddy stuffed under his arm. His room looked untouched from the last time Dean was there, the only additions have been a small plastic Christmas tree on the nightstand and some string lights hanging around his bed. 
Cas rushed over to sit at Jack’s side and started to push his hair off his face. “Hey, Jack, we’re here. Dads are here to take you home, okay? Everything is okay.”
Jack made a pushy noise as he squished his face together before he peaked his eye open to look back at Cas, a small smile playing on his lips. “Dad.”
“Yeah,” Cas took his hand and squeezed it. “I’m right here, honey.”
Dean walked over to stand beside Cas' side so Jack could see him and touched his arm. “Get some rest, Jack. We’ll go home soon, okay?”
Jack gave a slight nod before he frowned. “I’m sorry I...I didn’t listen-”
“Shh,” Cas reached over to kiss his head. “It’s okay. Just get some sleep and we can talk about it later.”
Jack's eyes looked to find Dean. “Don’t be mad, Dean.”
Dean flinched at hearing Jack say his name and he feels his body run cold. He saw Cas look up at him before he stood up and motioned for Dean to take his seat besides their son.
“Come on, Claire. Let’s go find Sam.” 
Dean didn’t watch them leave as he sat by Jack’s side, taking his son’s hand while he smiled down at him. “Hey, it’s Dad to you.”
Jack smiled at that, it was small and tired looking. “Dad, I’m sorry,” Dean was about to interrupt him but Jack shook his head to let him finish. “I was on my way home but I heard Kaia radio in for help. Claire was...she was hurt. Badly.”
Dean couldn’t help but reach over and touch his son’s face, bruises were covering him but they looked like they were slowly healing themselves. 
“It’s okay. We’re not...I’m not mad.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.” Dean smiled at his kid trying to reassure him. “I was just worried.”
“Why? It’s not like I can really get hurt-”
“Jack,” Dean interrupts him as he squeezes his eyes shut and takes a breath before looking back at him. “You’re my son and I...I love you,” He let those words settle in the air before he continued, not meeting Jack’s gaze as he fussed over Jack’s hand in between both of his. “So I worry about you. Shit, I worry about you when I send you to the store for some eggs. That’s just how a parent feels all the time apparently. Or the good one’s at least.”
“I love you too, Dad.” His kid said with a soft smile, not the first time he said it but it was the first time Dean ever managed to get the words out himself. 
Dean pretended like that didn’t affect him at all as he stood up and started tucking Jack back under his blanket. “Yeah. Yeah, just get some sleep. I’ll get your sister to come watch you while I go talk to Sam.”
Jack smiled but gave a slight nod, his eyes closing as Dean leaned down to kiss his head. Then quietly and quickly he said, “Love you.” before walking out the bedroom door to find Claire waiting for him.
“And here I was thinking you weren’t good Dad material.” Claire teased him but her expression was soft, just as worried as Dean was. “He’s been worried about your reaction the whole time.”
Guilt knotted his stomach as flashbacks of awful words slipping through his mouth. “Yeah, well, I haven’t always been the nicest to the kid.”
“Yeah, Kaia really struggled to warm up to you too.” She pushed off the wall and reached to touch his shoulder. “He saved so many people today. You should be proud.”
“I am.”
“Dean?” He heard Sam walking over to him with Cas and Eileen towing behind him. “Dean, I’m so sorry! I tried stopping him but by the time I turned around he was gone and I raced over as fast as I could...everything went so fast!”
“Sammy, it’s fine. Jack is fine. Claire is fine.” Dean brought his brother down for a tight hug. “We’re fine.”
They ended up spending the night. Jack woke up but still was tired enough to not want to get out of bed. So Claire suggested a family movie night so they can all stay together for a while longer. 
That’s how Claire and Cas ended up laying on either side of Jack while they watched Jim Carrey’s The Grinch. Dean brought some pizza’s over while Eileen and Sam brought some extra chairs they can all sit on. 
The noise and bustle of the bunker outside Jack’s bedroom door was forgotten. All that mattered now was that his family was okay. Later, when he’s alone he can freak out that he was really a damn Dad now and that maybe he had more than one adopted kid. 
Sam and Eileen sneaked off as the movie ended, ready to head to their own bed, while Dean covered his boyfriend and two kids in extra blankets while they slept curled up together. 
“That’s fine. I love sleeping in chairs.” He mumbled to himself mostly. He left a kiss on top of all their heads before he got comfortable on the chair to get a few hours before he had to drive tomorrow.
-
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