#if you wanna talk about queer fetishism then just say THAT

[maddiem4]

Well, I wanna be working on a novel right now, but apparently it's time to make a certain kind of post again, as is periodically necessary, because young queer folk keep trying to reinvent the Hayes Code for a variety of misguided reasons. So you know what? Let me lead with the TLDR, and then give my reasoning. If you DNI stuff like incest, I am not just going to unfollow you, I am going to block you.

Now, if you're the type to make assumptions, you might be surprised to hear that I'm not into incest. Sorry to disappoint. Well, unless you count selfcest, but people don't usually lump those together except by technicality. But incest is really not my thing.

That said, I have mutuals who are into it, and harmless about it. Whether it's fictional, RP, or consensual, it's not my business and it hurts nobody. Get used to those words, they're gonna be a mantra here. Further, I've seen how Hayes Queers (hey, I needed a term for them) talk about harmless members of their own community who give them The Ick. The post I'm writing here is a direct reaction to seeing a Hayes Queer post from someone I followed! Reading that, and the comments on it. And lemme tell you: y'all are very quick to throw your peers under the bus with the exact same logic (respectability politics, personal disgust, "making a bad name for us as a larger group", lurking threat to our moral purity) that the conservatives are using to argue for the mass extermination of queer folk. You are bringing pitchforks and tiki torches to the party. So no, I am not going to give you access to my vulnerable mutuals. That's the heart of it. You are a danger to your community, and I'm going to limit the scope of harm you can do. The broader queer/kink communities have worked hard to define harm more carefully than "well I just personally think it's gross." Scat and piss are gross to me, but my mutuals who are into those things do still deserve love and safety, not to be sacrificed on an altar of conservative family values for imaginary "one of the good ones" points. I have a responsibility to look out for my people. So do you, FYI.

So here's the recipe for living online with people whose kinks aren't your business and hurt nobody: learn to scroll past those posts or block those tags, or even block that person. Be an adult. The world does not exist to be personally palatable to you. You are not being harmed, you're being inconvenienced. If you can't handle that, you're the one bringing real-world (rather than imagined) danger to your community. Fuck's sake.

This also finally convinced me to look up what "proshipper" means after seeing it in discourse for years, these dreaded dangerous devils who apparently must be purged from the internet, and... holy fuck, how is this contentious? It literally just means you can disagree about fandom pairings without harassing people? That's just mature behavior in a shared space. That's what the argument is about? Oh my god. If you're arguing about this in 2024, your Aunt Maddie is fully ashamed of you for real.

The dumbest part is that people get doxxed for saying the stuff I'm saying, and maybe it'll happen to me. Guess I'll roll the dice. Which comes full circle: if you're looking at this post and trying to decide how to punish me for it IRL, you are literally being the danger. Stop and think for 30 milliseconds. Maybe I have a point that you are a bigger threat than two trans girls who like to pretend to be sisters for sex reasons. And I don't wanna hear no trauma excuses from any of you little monkeys, fetishes come from trauma a decent percentage of the time, so a lot of the people you're persecuting are victims of the same kind of assault as you.

This is more words than I ever should have to write about a self-evident topic. I know if you're young enough and still figuring out a lot of life stuff from scratch, it may not be self-evident to you. But hopefully it is now before you fucking hurt somebody. Thanks.

[littlejowo]

I don't even understand how the meaning of these terms got SO SKEWED to the point of queer people and women even using the terms that way?

I know a HUGE part of it was terfs, as they've admitted multiple times that they use fandom to recruit people and many transmascs discovered themselves through m/m content, but like...one quick google search leads to multiple sources about the origin of these terms.

For example, "fujoshi" (translates to "rotten girl") as a term was spread online in the 90s and early 2000s on 2chan, by the Japanese equivalent if what we in the west would call "right-wing incels," who called women "rotten" if they enjoyed queer content or supported queer people. Their whole belief was that women who support/enjoy queer content were tainted, unfit for marriage, and would be too distracted by gay men to date straight men or have sex with them. It was a homophobic and misogynistic slur.

With time, though, women reclaimed this slur and called themselves "rotten" willingly. It became somewhat of a badge of pride, even, to many women (very similar to how "queer" means "strange" and has been largely reclaimed here in the west). "So, supporting and creating queer art makes me rotten? Fuck you, then, I'll be rotten!" Other terms were stemmed from this to show support as well: fudanshi for men who like m/m content, fujin as the gender-neutral term, and equivalent terms were also made for w/w content as well.

So, when all these terf-lites and teenagers and misinformed westerners use the term in a derogatory way, not only are they being racist, they are also reinforcing its use as a slur AND removing the context that allows it to be reclaimed in the first place.

I'm probably gonna get yelled at for saying this but sometimes something isn't a real problem in fandom, you just learned a Japanese word describing a general fandom practice and got scared and decided it meant "The Bad Ones" of that practice

[buckleyreid]

I don’t wanna feed into the “bucktommy is purely sexual”, “bucktommy shippers are fetishizers” discourse so this will be the only thing I’ll say about that.

I think it’s incredibly interesting how there’s soooo many posts about bucktommy here on tumblr (and no doubt in other platforms too), there’s sweet wholesome posts, there’s analytical posts about their relationship, there’s headcanons, there’s fanarts and yes, there’s smutty fics too for example.

Yet, the people who are pointing fingers, calling others fetishizers, are the ones solely focused on the sexual content. Bucktommy fans aren’t the ones making their relationship all about sex, the call is coming from inside the house.

Unhinged buddies are the ones choosing to ignore the part of the scene where both characters open up about their rough family histories and, instead, are making it all about a very quick sex joke that was used to lighten the mood. And because they can’t stop at that, they then proceed to say two grown ass queer characters flirting with each other is gross, disturbing, and a reason one of them should get killed off. That’s the real disgusting thing.

This just in, gay people have sex. I know, shocking. They also talk about it, they make jokes about it. It’s almost as if it’s a normal thing- oh wait, it is. In bucktommy’s case, it’s far from being the only facet of their relationship, but it’s still there and it’s not deviant, it’s not disgusting and if it makes you so uncomfortable to think about then maybe that’s something to reflect on.

Touching grass is not enough, y’all need to roll on it like a dog excited to go on a walk. And maybe retake some reading comprehension classes too. Dead serious, grow up.

[jellybeanium124]

Don’t hate yourself for liking someone’s works. Something to remember is that Neil Gaiman wrote his stories to target young, vulnerable people. He was writing his stories to attract fans, and interacted with the fans to entice and groom them. Some of his victims met at book signings. All were fans of his books.

The stories were written with your admiration in mind. It’s not your fault he wants to hold the admiration of people of your demographic.

First, I don't.

Second, I think you are making up a story here bro. I think once upon a time there was a teenager in england who worked in journalism but wanted to write books, and then he was the one-in-a-million lucky soul who wrote his books and they became wildly famous and successful. and then after he accrued power and fame he started exploiting it. I'm not saying people who abuse power don't tend to try and get themselves into positions of power, but "famous author" is a pretty difficult career path and one likely to fail.

with this narrative you've concocted, you've removed his humanity from him, as well as any sort of genuine love of storytelling or creation he definitely has. like he's just as human as the rest of us, and I simply do not believe that he is a monster who only cares about attracting 20-something women and does this by crafting beautiful stories for the page and screen.

there's a concept I've talked about before, the Fetishist. as someone with a widely hated fetish, I've thought a lot about how people think people with my fetish are not humans but Fetishists, monsters who look human but only care about fulfilling their fetish, and see all other people as Objects They Can Use or Nothing. you've turned gaiman into the Predator, which is the same thing just a bit broader. the Predator is a monster shaped like a human, but unlike a human who cares about a myriad of things and has a three-dimensional personality, the Predator only cares about Preying On [usually young women or children], and every human being is, to them, either a Target To Prey On or Nothing. neil gaiman is not the Predator because the Predator doesn't exist. I don't think he had a long term plan. I don't think 19yo neil gaiman was going "hehehehe I can't wait until I become world famous so I can use that to coerce women into sleeping with me!"

turning ng into something evil is easy. because then you don't have to think about the good he's done. then you don't have to think about how he's been a supporter of queer people since the 90s. then you don't have to think about how he's supported refugees or ukraine. you don't have to think about his works of tzedakah or tikkun olam, and you don't have to think about the beautiful art he's made (and while we're here, let's think before dehumanizing a jewish man, hm?). it also handily makes it so you never have to worry about your own behaviors. because you're a three-dimensional person! so of course you could never be the Predator. or the Abuser. or the Fetishist. or the Narcissist.

until I see proof debunking this, I am going to continue believing he made the art he wanted to see in the world out of a genuine wish to be an author, and not primarily to put himself in a position of power to abuse women. maybe he always had tendencies towards manipulation. maybe part of him always knew that if he became famous then there would undoubtedly be women falling over themselves for him. because we all know that. we all know that if we became famous there would be people who we could exploit for sex. that's not a secret. part of me would like to be famous. I wanna work in the film industry. I have silly dreams, of course. but I'm not pursuing this difficult line of work in order to someday abuse people, I'm pursuing it because of a genuine love of making movies. neil gaiman was a guy who wanted to become a writer, and then he did, and then he abused that position, repeatedly. we have three examples now. I wouldn't be surprised if more women started coming out about their experience, because three is absolutely a pattern, and because claire did the brave thing of being the second one to speak out (since scarlett and the other one whose pseudonym I can't remember atm came out at the same time). and now that there's been two exposés, two podcasts, three stories total, more are going to come. I'd be more surprised if they didn't. but that doesn't make neil gaiman the Predator. it makes him a man who did shitty things repeatedly.

[mazzystar24]

idk who else to go to with this but i have so many people sending me hate because i don’t like bucktommy when i literally never even post about them????? they keep calling me toxic and a hater and i’m not i just have shipped buddie for years and i don’t vibe with tommy…. it makes me sad because this fandom used to bond over buddie so much but now i just see angry tommy fans (and admittedly some buddie fans but nowhere near as many) spreading so much hatred and rudeness while turning around and calling buddie fans toxic when we just want to ship our 6 year long standing ship… and like i said i genuinely never post about bucktommy, and if i do say something about them that can be perceived as negative then i always tag it “anti-bucktommy” and i NEVER tag it bucktommy so that they don’t have to even see it! It hurts to open up the app not knowing if i’m going to have another person calling me homophobic or a fetishizer (i’m literally queer) or calling me a toxic bitch when i literally don’t do anything but post happy buddie content 9/10 posts! and like i said i know i’ve seen some buddie accounts go to extremes and i’m not defending that, but i’ve seen people who will call out even the slightest apprehension to bucktommy as if they stepped on someone’s grave, while simultaneously bullying and harassing buddie shippers for minding their own business… like i can’t even go into the buddie tag and it’s people attacking us left and right while the bucktommy tag is nothing but everyone gushing over them… i hate that we can’t enjoy a 6 year old ship anymore because half the fandom decided to jump to this other one that has barely gotten any screentime between two characters that don’t really have chemistry with each other and they want to berate us for it and call us names. I’m not a fetishizer and I’m not toxic, I’m just a late 20s queer girl who wants to talk about buddie without a barrage of hate and insults thrown at me but I can’t do that anymore… 9-1-1/buddie used to be my safe place but now i can’t even come on tumblr because i’m worried a stan will be lurking in my asks/replies waiting to tell me how awful i am.

i’m sorry to dump all of that on you but i just opened a really nasty ask and it hurt a lot to read what they said about me and you were the first person on my dash

Hey anon!

Okay so I can already guess I’ll be late posting this cos i think I’ll be replying to this in increments throughout my day today, and also I can tell this is really bothering you so I don’t wanna just give like a short rushed answer - oh wow I actually wrote this in one sitting cos I can’t shut up once I start

Yes the fandom has been a downright mess lately and it’s like I always say, people if you wanna engage in discourse that’s your prerogative and no one is faulting you for that but it’s the utter lack of fandom etiquette these toxic fans have that’s the real issue and I also feel like as you said a huge issue is this kind of imaginary high horse they seem to have

Like I totally agree that there is like this section of toxic bucktommy fans who try to warp not liking bucktommy into being biphobic- which look if people are actually being biphobic by all means call them out but when you’re going to actual queer people who posted 166283894 posts celebrating bi buck, only to attack them for not liking the ship?? Then that’s just plain stupid I’m sorry, like being happy to have the queer rep and not liking bucktommy isn’t mutually exclusive and it’s ridiculous people are trying to make it out to be

Like I’ve personally been sent an ask like that where they implied that I was biphobic for not being a big fan of bucktommy and that “I don’t know how exhausting it is for bi people” - which I gotta say made me go what about my blog would ever make someone think ah yes straight 🤩

And thing is at the time they sent that my most note filled post was my celebration reaction meme extravaganza to getting bi buck which I feel added some fun irony to the whole thing

And calling people shipping two MEN (buddie) homophobic takes a special kind of cognitive dissonance that I gotta say I’d almost be impressed with the leaps in logic if it wasn’t so annoying

Now I personally don’t know what state the bucktommy tag is in cos I mostly stick to the 911 abc and the buddie tag but I know how the buddie tag has been and I agree the misuse of tags to make a negative space is absolutely ridiculous and again that all goes back to the etiquette part

And the fetishising thing is also just another thing that absolutely grates my nerves, because these toxic fans really need a dictionary thrown at their heads because buddie is like the polar opposite of that.

First of all a large section of buddie shippers im aware have asexual Eddie headcanons and that aside let’s say we want gay Eddie and buddie and all those things, let’s even say we want them to fuck nasty *gasp🫢* and sloppy and write 156273 smut fics where they plain fuck like rabbits (*nun faints in the background* also probably some pearl clutching occurred upon reading this),

THAT’S NOT THE POINT HERE- the point is the main appeal of buddie as a ship isn’t that ooo look two hot guys kissing; it’s the history it’s the friendship, it’s the vulnerability, it’s the will scene, the shooting, the trust, the parallels, the understanding of each other, it’s the domesticity and it’s all these moments that have nothing to do with sex or objectifying their dynamic or mlm relationships but rather shipping them because they are two people with this amazing connection and these experiences

and THAT? That’s the furthest thing from fetishisation

Now I could be controversial and talk about how SOME and some is the operative word of this sentence- SOME toxic bucktommy fans have been blatant in not really caring about the story or the characters or buck and Tommy as individuals or the team dynamic or anything other than seeing these two men kiss, these being a lot of the same fans who refuse to watch the show other than the bucktommy and Tommy scenes and then will act like they somehow understand the show more than fans who’ve been here years or seen the whole show BUT I digress because I know that saying this is me basically asking for spam hate (so shhhh let’s pretend I didn’t say that 🤫)

who said that? 👀not me👀damn that’s crazy a ghost just ran across my keyboard 🙄

Anyways back to you specifically, because I really do think it bares mentioning, if you’ve been respectful to others then that’s all you can do and thank you on the behalf of everyone cos it really makes a difference, and I wanna say sorry on the behalf of every asshole who’s deciding to attack you for ridiculous reasons, the best advice I can give you is to genuinely not let it get to you I know it’s easier said than done but you know who you are and you know your intentions and some dumbass sitting behind a screen who can’t even properly comprehend what biphobia or fetishisation actually is (or worse DOES know what it is but is just using it as a way to put others down over a tv show to have an imaginary high ground) isn’t worth your time or your distress and they cannot change who you are

This part might be over explaining the obvious but in case you don’t know/ are new to tumblr or whatever: If you wanna continue to have fandom spaces as a safe place filtering should get rid of a lot of the posts and so should blocking but ofc you’ll see a few so just skip past and enjoy the content you like, if you wanna make posts and are scared of asks from toxic shippers maybe you can turn off your asks temporarily until you feel like you’re in a better place mentally to deal with it

Oooo or an idea that might work is you can ask your followers and mutuals (who are the ones most likely to be sending the nice asks) to use an emoji at the start of their asks to indicate to you that this is an ask you’ll like then you can delete any ask without that emoji without even having to look at the hate if it’s causing you that anxiety - if that makes sense?

I hope my reply somehow made you feel better and I really hope that you can have your fandom space and enjoyment back 🫶🫶🫶🫶

[chryblossomjjk]

bts fic recommendations | 03.14.23

→ hi friends! this is a little segment i do every tuesday (reviewsday get it, aren’t i funny, pls tell me how funny i am) where i read and review two-three fics. as a content creator, i know how big of a role other creators play in your growth, therefore, i want to do my part in making sure everyone gets the recognition they deserve! so with that being said, please check out the amazing fics listed below. make sure to like, reblog, and leave feedback! ♡ #reviewsday #kikirecs

banana clip - @vvh0adie (jhs x jjk x reader | angst, fluff, smut)

summary: nature is great at putting you to sleep. but man-made objects are just as good at waking you up with annoyance. and they’re even better at messing with your senses overall. but nature also made the two most wonderful men who you get to call your boyfriends, and they know just how to comfort you.

for one, let me just say this graphic goes crazy eep!!!

also let me just say, you would write a mean fantasy fic bc the scene setting in the first segment is so good. YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT WORLD BUILDING?? YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT WORLD BUILDING???? YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT MAKING THE SETTING REFLECT THE CHARACTER??? THIS IS IT!!

also i think the representation in the fic is so fucking important like- to have the reader be queer, chubby, and neurodivergent and then depicting in detail the things that come along with it is really great!! especially bc so many young adults read fanfic and thats such a complex time where you're juggling different parts of your identity and how they coexist!! just seriously thank you for writing this!!

"His large hands make haste of grabbing as much of your ass as he possibly can and giving it a good squeeze, oil slick painted nails leaving crescent indentation on your melanated skin. The succulent pain causes a moan to escape your lips. You always knew how to break them down, but he could play too."

oof when i tell u i read this paragraph multiple fucking times bc YOU PICKED OIL SLICK NAIL HOBI I COULD DESTROY MY FUCKING ROOM RN LMAO

“Ah, fuck, it’s times like these when I remember how much of a slut you are.”

dom hobi rattles the fucking peanut in my skull bc i know for a fact that man is the kinkest dom sex freak out here PLS!!! and the mentions of kook throughout made everything incredibly hotter like uGh!! and then i really love when sweet aftercare n cleaning up is added into fanfic after a dommy moment :') <3 overall, this was the hottest shit ever pls fucking read this yall NOW I SAY NOW LMAO!!

paired & pierced - @yoon-kooks (jjk x reader | college au, smut, fluff)

summary: when your professor assigns a collaborative midterm project, you’re paired up with jeon jungkook, the quiet grumpy smartass who keeps to himself and doesn’t fuck with popular kids like you. if you can win him over, he might give you a taste of the tatted and pierced body he’s carefully tucked away beneath those oversized hoodies.

so as soon as i saw that pairing i knew i was a goner!! but babe, this fic made me discover kinks i didn't even know i had like erm?? CAWK TATTOO??? OF A SNAKE???

I HAVE A NEW FETISH LMAO!!! thats like one of the hottest visuals i've ever read in fanfic and it will plague my daydreams from here on out!

where does one find a friend like oc who hooks you up with men like JUNG HOSEOK ?? she is so real for that (one is incredibly lonely despite having friends and never gets checked on by those around her unless they need something which i feel like is so relatable to so many people like i can totally tell why so many readers were drawn to this fic)!! and tim can catch this knuckle sandwich bc FUCK HIM >:(

also the newborn joke made me audibly crack up like the bleak dry humor is fucking hilarious to me-

and i just love their dynamic? like the way you wrote their dialogue is just so natural, which seems simple on the outside but as fic writer i understand that writing believable dialogue is so INSANELY difficult like you literally have to be an a1 writer to nail it as good as you did in this fic!! the talent is screaming!! same goes for the smut!! it was so fucking hot and everything kook said had my coochie wet pls!! i just love the switch for apathetic to complete sex god uGh! i love u n this saur fucking much!!

nature cafe - @virgodolls (jjk x reader | s2l)

oh my goodness i love this so much! like when you told me you were a new writer on here i was already extremely excited, but after reading this, my excitement for your future works has doubled, TRIPLED! you are bringing something new and refreshing to the table! like don't get me wrong i looooveee smut (legit all i write is smut-) but slice of life content is kind of hard to find on this platform! so reading this was such a welcomed change and i loved it wholeheartedly!

you really have a knack for writing in the perspective of the character, which is not an easy thing to do AT ALL! ITS SO DIFFICULT! AND YOU EXECUTED IT SO FLAWLESSY HERE AND ITS ONLY YOUR FIRST FIC? PLS THE TALENT IS UNREAL!!

i also really loved this oc! as someone who is also v sensitive and easily overwhelmed, i didn't find her annoying at all, just incredibly endearing and relatable! THIS JUNGKOOK IS ALSO SUCH BOYFRIEND MATERIAL AND SO SWEET LIKE IM TRYING TO PICK HIM UP TOO UM??? anyways, thank you for sharing your writing! its definitely so scary at first but you did it and you should be v proud of yourself!! i am proud of you!!

[genderkoolaid]

Honestly, there’s something that I’m struggling with, I’m like salmacian, and I have bottom dysphoria, that’s like really really really bad, and I’m planning on getting bottom surgery, but honestly, I kinda don’t know how I’m gonna deal with the whole isolation aspect of it all. Cause like, the queer community HATES us bro, so while I love the idea of finally feeling free in my body it sucks because it makes me feel like I have to choose between my life and my community; my bottom dysphoria has been making me wanna kms, I mean like literally curl up in a ball and drop dead, and then you see people on Twitter and shit saying “if you feel dysphoria in this way you *SHOULD* kill yourself” and that’s really challenging for me, I can’t really go to irl queer spaces or transition right now (toxic family situation) but it’s crazy for all these queer spaces to be about “being your true self” just “NOT LIKE THAT” I hope IRL queer spaces will be better, but like I can’t just die because other queer people don’t like my dysphoria, but it’s also kinda hard to find others like me.

Like, what do I even do here?? Do I just pretend I’m cis? Do I publicly ID as nonbinary and pretend I’ve never had bottom surgery, do I pretend I’m like binary transmasc, and also like, in this vein, I think it’s funny (horrible) how nonbinary people literally get hate no matter what we do, we don’t transition? Then we’re bad cringy transtrenders and the reason cis people hate trans people, we transition? We’re evil incarnate, we just can’t win lmaooo. 💀

First of all, I’d recommend distancing yourself from spaces that promote anti-salmacian bigotry and trying to engage yourself in online pro-salmacian spaces as much as possible. Do whatever you have to in order to disconnect from the people who hock the idea that salmacians are bad or salmacian transitions are somehow immoral. If you haven’t checked out r/salmacian, I would highly suggest it– its the biggest (and really, only) community of salmacians I’m aware of and it can be really refreshing to be in a space entirely centered around us and our desires and needs. Connecting with other salmacians can be so healing, especially getting to see people who have physically transitioned and reminding yourself that it is possible to have that body and be happy. It also reminds you that there are so many of us out there– pretty much everytime I talk about being salmacian on here, I see new people who have never realized that “its a thing” and there’s a word for it. It is so much more normal to be salmacian than bigots will make it seem. 

This post on the subreddit talks about dating as salmacians, and the consensus seems to be that the trans dating scene seems to be pretty accepting of salmacians– obviously that’s not going to be the case everywhere, but weird queers have existed since time immemorial. When you are surrounded by (especially online) regressive bigots, it really warps your view of reality and makes it hard to truly believe that that isn’t the universal standard. Its near impossible to thrive when you are in the situation, which is why its so vital to surround yourself with proof that that isn’t the standard. I promise you that you will be able to find a community that will find the idea that your dysphoria is “evil” to be fucking ridiculous and support your salmacian identity– you might even find other salmacians, or help other people realize its an achievable option! 

I strongly agree with how nonbinary people get treated re: transitioning. Obviously binary people are not overall treated better but it really does suck there’s no way to be nonbinary that doesn’t involve hate– either you don’t transition (or don’t “really”/”fully” transition) and get seen as a transtrender who doesn’t know what its REALLY like, or you have a “weird” transition and get treated like a weird fetish-chaser or a TLC short and not, like, a person who just wants to control their own body. Tbh I would love to see more nonbinary/genderqueer-centered community stuff, along with more discussion of exorsexism that isn’t just “diet transmisogyny/transandrophobia” or “general transphobia.” Ik a lot of post-bottom surgery trans people feel disconnected from the trans community, and I myself have thought about how I’m going to go about… engaging with others and identifying myself post-op. Honestly I would love a salmacian4salmacian relationship but idk if that will ever be in the cards!

& when it comes to salmacians & exorsexism there’s so much stereotyping us as horny freaks (which is a bad thing apparently!) whose dysphoria/euphoria is Evil and Twisted and like… 1. thats just Transmisogyny 2: Electric Boogaloo 2. as if its our fault that 99% of salmacian rep is in fetish porn, so there are so many of us whose only exposure to the concept of being salmacian is through that lens. Or as if its inherently evil to feel sexually satisified with a body that brings you joy? (also this doesn’t even get into the way that so much discussion around transness is not prepared for altersex transitions & the reality of nonbinary people who are physically androgynous and how no, you can’t just slap binary theory onto our bodies and assume its going to cover our experiences, which is why while I would not call myself intersex I do feel a strong sense of solidarity with intersex people bc of the shared “stop assuming your forced rebinarization of myself and my body is okay or coherent”… but anyways!)

I’d love to see a stronger salmacian community, and know that you (or anyone else!) can send me asks about being salmacian, whether to learn more or for advice or just to share experiences/vent and I will be overjoyed to respond. I love talking about being salmacian and helping other people learn about it.

[vveakfish]

thinking abt this post (not adding a screenshot bc op [@mrpsychokiller] turned off reblogs and i wanna respect that) but like, idk it just got my brain moving.

i did my undergrad thesis on how sex and community in queer spaces can often go hand in hand & how kink can act as a vehicle for finding community within a subculture can in some (but not all) cases be Very sex centric.

And it was such a fucking trip to work on this project within the confines of Art School™ & realize that nearly every one of my professors wrote off the deeper meaning of my work because the images i was making were a lil kinky.

It created this really strange dichotomy within the feedback i got that semester.

My peers (namely the ones who were also queer freaks themselves) fucking Got It. we had in depth conversations about what it was that i was trying to say, and it was so great to have them around me while i worked myself to the bone on these prints.

but when i got critiques from my thesis advisor –and all the other professors in my program – it was like all they could see was the fact that i was depicting men who also happened to be sexy.

I remember about half way through the semester, when we did our like midterm review or whatever, there was very little talk about my technique, or if the images were effectively conveyed, or any of the other things my peers who were tackling less ‘risqué’ subject matter got feedback on. It was all about how the work was horny & bc of that they weren’t sure if it was ‘impactful enough’ to be thesis material.

“Okay, so u think they’re hot. Now what?”

And the thing that i found So interesting about this whole thing is that these prints weren’t even the most erotic work i’d done that year.

the last project i’d worked on the semester prior to thesis was a series of four paintings of porn stills. Dick, Balls, AND Hole all lovingly rendered in oils.

So when it came time to figure out what i wanted to do for thesis, i considered going in that same direction. But in the end, i decided the point of the project wasn’t the Raunch factor. So, i chose to pare back the sex so that my message wouldn’t get lost in it.

And Yet, there i was, standing in front of a room full of str8 ppl who couldn’t look past the suggestiveness of a twunk bound in shabari, or a big chested bear in a leather jacket, or a drag queen dancing in sexy lace up heels for long enough to even consider that maybe the work Wasn’t just about that.

The thing i realized (only at the end of the semester in trying to work through my feelings on all of this as i wrote out my thesis paper) was that outside of my peers, none of the people who had a chance to view my work and engage with it before it was complete did so in good faith. They decided that my work was intellectually worth less because it could be read as horny.

And like, ignoring the fact that i wasn’t making these images for sexual gratification, it shouldnt have MATTERED if i were !!!

These professors spent four years talking about how our work should evoke feeling in people, and that we should keep that in mind while composing our images etc. etc. etc.

but as soon as they thought the reaction the work might have been evoking was Horny™ it wasn’t deep enough.

I don’t really have a conclusion to this post, other than to say i fucking agree with the sentiment of the one i linked at the top. Fetish, kink, or sex should not detract from a work of art. And the fact that it does is a disservice not just to the artists who enjoy working on that kind of subject matter, but also the audience.

If your first response when seeing a work of art and learning that it Might have some element of sex involved in it is to deem it wrong, or shallow, or gross, you’re robbing yourself of the opportunity to engage with the work in a meaningful way.

and this is not to say “everyone should look at fetish art, idc if it icks you, get over it!!”

all i ask is that you investigate why it evokes such a strong reaction in you. Is your discomfort actually about the image itself? or is there something else going on. Sit with it for a second.

and since i wrote all this out and talked about my thesis, i might as well link the essay here. I’m still really proud of this project, and i have the prints embedded within the essay, so check it out if you have the chance!

[nerdby]

I'm gonna get hate for this, but I just have to say I do not get how anyone can see Loki and Mobius's relationship as anything more than a casual friendship. Especially after I rewatched the first season and all Mobius does is insult Loki, talking down to him condescendingly, and reminding Loki constantly of the fact that he is an untrustworthy villain. That doesn't change until like episode five, and there's only six episodes.

So I'm just gonna say this again: Fetishizing queer men is homophobic, and Loki being in love with a woman does not negate his bisexuality and does not make him any less queer.

I also want to clarify that I am not pro-Sylki. I don't love the ship or hate it. I think it's a flawed metaphor for self-love, but also an interesting nod to the source material -- Young Avengers (2014-2015) and Thor: Journey Into Mystery (2011). Incestous relationships are also a solid element of the horror genre--

Psycho (1960)

Bates Motel (2013)

The Hills Have Eyes (1977/2006)

Flowers In The Attic (1987)

OldBoy (2003)

And those are just the examples that I can think of off the top of my head. So, to me, the Sylki ship is anything but romantic. It's tragic because when a consensual incestous relationship develops between two people it's because of shared trauma and a sense of isolation that makes the people feel like no one outside their family could ever understand them enough to love them in a romantic sense. So self-loathing, I guess?

But it just grosses me out to see people fetishizing queer people. Especially because it's something that I as a bisexual have to put up with a lot.

And like, seriously, if you're a straight woman who has ever complained when someone's made a joke or comment about you exploring the possibility of being with another woman, you're a hypocrite.

"Oh, well they did it first!"

That's your defense -- what, are you five?

That doesn't make it okay.

Y'all can say I'm starting drama or whatever. I don't give a shit. If you're getting defensive over this post then there's a reason for that and you might wanna do some introspection. I've been keeping this to myself, okay, but I had to say something before my fucking head explodes cause it's not okay.

No one should be fetishized, regardless of their sexuality or gender.

Queer people are not sex toys.

[homosexualasstransbian]

im transfem/nonbinary and honestly the whole cutesy uwu anime girl puppy girl aesthetic is making me feel ill. i recently got harrassed by a cis woman chaser who saw the transflag in my bio and started talking to me in this really weird overly cutesy way and started flirting with me, i told her im taken and not interested and this is weird and she said something like "oki u silly transie, if u ever need a girly to do something for you im here, cuz nornal girls are boring" and then the next day she sent me some image of some anime girl w/ the caption "im not like other girls, i have a massive cock" and asked "this u?" and she was so weird and gross and overly cutesy. and like the fact im trans is part of me and im proud of it but i want to be seen as me, as a person, as smthn beyond arbitrary boxes. thats why im nonbinary, i dont wanna be forced into some made up vague perception of how i have to be and instead just be me and do my own thing. i dont label my sexuality either but im pretty sure im like pretty aromantic. greyromantic or whatever its called. and my sexuality i kinda tie together with my romantic attraction, so its often incredibly odd to me how prevalent sexual language and stuff is online and how weirdly its treated as smthn normal, especially in more queer communities. and when i feel terrible and get support online, ppl will say ooo ur pretty ooo ur cute dont be sad and downplay it when i need someone to talk to qnd need to be acknoledged beyond how i physically am, it makes me feel rlly objectified and like my only value is in the fact that i am trans and how i look, and its my only thing and the only way ppl refer to me and boil me down to. but i dont want to be some cutesy meme girl, i want ppl to acknowledge me and what i do and like and love and enjoy and hate and dislike and think and say, i want to be seen and understood regardless of and beyond my transness. because im a raw, living breathing human person thats infinitely complex, and i just wanna be me and do what i enjoy. i dont want my personality boiled down to superficial aspects of me that exists solely because outside society needed a label for it to ostrasize or fetishize it. im sorry for the long rant its just rlly frustrating, especially when you try to find communities and its just so weirdly sexual and condescending and objectifying 😭

hey unfortunately, i do not have the mental capacity to be able to read all of this and actually respond to it, i just lose 80% of the ask once I'm finished reading, so I'll just say: damn fuck that cis bitch.

While i get that after your experiences this "aesthetic" might make you feel ill, i really don't see why i should be told this.

I do not choose the way i present to other people because it's what i feel i should look or act like, i act however feels good to me. the reason my blog looks like this is because, put simply, i like it.

I may not be just a puppy, girl or gay, in fact the most accurate way to describe me would be "thing that should not be alive as far as anyone knows, but it persists, it's also a puppy that is a girl, a robot, a void and divine flesh"

but i go with my current aesthetic, username, and whatever else because they're the descriptions I'm most confident in, they make me feel nice, i love them.

I am quite literally a tranny girl faggot that acts like a puppy sometimes.

Sometimes i feel like I'm a shattered vessel built of divine flesh that's empty and yet so completely full.

Sometimes i wish my flesh melted away, permanently fusing me with the outer shell of a mech.

None of my identities are fully separate or stable, but they also feel distinct enough that i only choose one at a time (and even then sometimes they can split apart).

I don't act like this because i wanna be "haha silly cute trans girl that's an adorable puppy and is so so overly sexual", it's just what i act like, in general, if I don't worry about pretending to be someone else.

I guess put simply: if you don't like me: fucking leave, block me, get rid of me, i won't hold it against you, I'll continue to do what i like, the way i like doing it, because this is my blog.

i forgot where i was going with this post, y'all just get this really long one i guess.

[redheadbigshoes]

Sorry for the rant or vent. I’m lesbian.

I moved to a different job and my friend isn't speaking to me like we used to. I've known her for two years and we hung out last week and everything seemed fine and she would usually answer my texts and calls. And I even tried to text or call her to say if I did something wrong and she didn’t answer... now idk my other friend (which is my guy friend) and he said she answers his calls and everything but idk what I did and I wonder what changed and I know I'm not there anymore but it’s just my assumption and she texted me back yesterday and saying she was doing great and misses but maybe I just overthink again because my guy friend texted me after I got silent and a bit upset about this and I told him I needed space and didn’t want to talk to him after he messaged me after I didn’t answer his message and asked me I wasn’t talking to him then and he respected my wishes.

We were supposed to hangout this weekend but idk how I feel when I hangout with him and not going. At times I feel like he only talks to me when it’s sexual stuff and we watch lesbian porn and talk about women and we going to a Halloween crawl and he would make scenerios of what would he do with me or say things or ask like if I ever want to try dick and I would decline and say I like pussy (it makes me feel invalidated and question our friendship a bit and I think I might be too nice because he’s nice I guess? I know it’s stupid to explain..) and makes it feel like talking to him it makes others feel I’m less lesbian or bi. It’s a struggle having guy friends and I would never do anything with him or anything. And feel like ending it at times.

I feel like every person I meet won’t understand my feelings and I know not everybody has all the answers to things. I feel like the hurt follows me everywhere and going on bumble bff helps but it seems like it never lasts or work out well. It’s been a miserable year for me and I feel like I won’t find my tribe and it seems like bad people win or something lol and seeing others forming relationships and friendships and even queer people. I feel like online I feel more of myself as a femme lesbian if color (like tumblr). And I have my own place and still have a job and my family I cut off from because they were toxic and abusive.

I know I should grow up but idk if I should just keep to myself and I’m just an introvert..

Sorry for the vent :( But I love your blog 💖 any advice?

Wow. First I just wanna say that “friend” of yours (the guy) is a huge red flag, especially as a lesbian. Men shouldn’t even be watching lesbian porn since it has nothing to do with them. From what you said it seems like he definitely fetishizes lesbians/sapphics. And also from the things he told you I would worry for my safety if I were you.

My first advice would be to immediately end this friendship you two have, he’s not a nice person.

It’s very common things not lasting when it comes to people you meet in those apps. Have you tried Yubo? From what I know it’s supposed to be an app to meet friends, unlike Bumble or Tinder.

I’d also try finding lgbt spaces where you live (or close to where you live), it’s usually better to meet new people in person instead of online (ofc only if it’s safe and you’re comfortable with it). Try looking for any lgbt events like pride parades too.

I am sorry it seems to be hard for you with your friends. You don’t deserve a “friend” like that guy.

[darlin-djarin]

Ive NEVER seen such a big mischaracterisation of Luke in ANY other ship like holy shit who even is this guy?.

i’m assuming you’re talking about my dinluke post where i talked about the horrendous fandom. and you’re right and you should say it. dinluke fandom mischaracterizes luke n din for the sake of stereotyping and fetishizing in an unhealthy way. i’m not gonna be fandom police, like whatever you wanna like, but enforcing racist and whitewashed stereotypes just to keep “smol littol uwu cinnamon roll bean baby boy bottom luke skywalker 🥺” and a “masc top dom alpha male din djarin 💪” a thing is NOT something i enjoy and it’s not something many fans who are POC or queer themselves like. half the dinluke fandom is a ton of adult cishet white women who like seeing a twink get fucked by a top dom. they continuously use the word “twink” to call luke, to the point where it’s getting outright annoying. the joke is fine sure, but constantly calling him a twink to try to feminize him and make him all vulnerable is just enforcing harmful stereotypes. you take one look at dinluke and it’s like the straightest gay ship in existence. like have you guys even MET a gay man irl before? cuz i’m telling you half the cliche tropes in the fandom mischaracterizes the beloved characters for the sake of trying to reach this ultimate dynamic of “luke bottom feminine” and “din top masculine” and it’s so. ugh. they’re massacring my boy. again, enjoy what you want to enjoy but if POC and real queer ppl are speaking up about the racism and stereotypes they experience in the fandom, then maybe we need to address the fucking problem.

[coldninjaruins-blog]

Be fr when was the last time lesbians got rep and weren’t passed over for men? We’re bottom of pile they don’t like us! And females going insane over m/m further pushes us into the dark do you even know how bad it is? Our shows get cancelled lesbians are normally top of the list for bury your gay tropes.

So does that mean that as a lesbian I am not allowed to like any mlm ship? The fact that shows with wlw couples are cancelled while shows with mlm couples are renewed again and again is a huge issue that should be discussed, I'm not denying that.

It bothers me a lot, it's tiring and frustrating.

But does that mean I can't root for a mlm ship or enjoy it? Here I am going to talk about my personal case, I am NOT trying to speak for other lesbians.

I am speaking only for myself.

90% of the queer content I consume is lesbian or sapphic. I don't consume as much mlm content because I'm not that interested in it and that's fine. The last time I saw something with an mlm couple was Bad buddy (which I loved by the way).

That doesn't mean I can't enjoy mlm ships or even straight ones because I think if a couple is well written I'm going to like it regardless of the gender of the characters ( That's why I also can't ship the lesbian version of a straight ship I don't like, they suck and will continue to suck for me regardless if they were both boys, girls or a boy and a girl. I don't like their story and I'm going to continue to dislike it no matter what).

Now back to my point, if you check my blog you'll see that I don't ship any other ship mlm from stranger things besides byler, none. I just don't care about them.

I like byler because I like their history, it resonates with me. Here I could talk about how beautiful I think their relationship is, how the special bond they have from the beginning of the show and their friendship, the fact how they always trust each other no matter what it's what makes me love them as much as I do and how a queer slowburn childhood best friends to lovers is just my cup of tea and go on for years and years about it but probably you don't wanna read that so...

As a queer person I see a lot of me in Will specifically and his struggles with his sexuality, I want him to be happy so much.

People want so badly to lump byler into the category of "ships mlm that straight girls fetishize" but sadly... they don't fit in there :/

The byler fandom is mostly made up of queer people, and a large percentage of those people are specifically queer women. So yeah, it really bothers me a lot when people call us lesbophobic or say we hate sapphic specially when

1)A lot of us are sapphic.

2) Some of those who say it are mlvns who just say it because it's about byler.

Mlvns using rovickie when they never gaf about them just to throw shit at byler doesn't sit right with me and it's not the first time they've used a wlw ship to attack bylers and call us lesbophobes. It also happened last year with the scripts polls.

They called us lesbophobes because we voted for the Mike and Will scene over the Elmax scene, we just voted for our ship scene. And what did these people do when the elmax script came out? They made it about their straight ship.

Again bylers are mostly queer people who are rotating for a queer ship so it doesn't make sense to me that gay people wanting a queer couple with main characters in a big show like stranger things to happen = lesbophobia????

[calypsolemon]

One of the many reasons you're wrong is that no one has ever said that transmascs can't harm transfems. We are equal in the oppression we face and TMA/TME discourse does, in fact, exist entirely as a euphemism, people are constantly using it as a synonym for transmasc without even realizing how mask off it is. That is who you were talking about, literally, and it's insanely disingenuous to pretend like everyone else is weird for noticing your plain English. Right now people are still spreading the lie that the person who coined the term "androphobia" has a fetish for raping trans lesbians, when it was actually him indulging his girlfriend's kink and these same people loudly insist a trans woman's kinks can never be side-eyed for any reason at all. The blatant hypocrisy is just so revolting.

And that's not even getting into the millions of ways this stuff hurts transfems, but I'd be more than happy to educate you on transfeminism unless you're unwilling to listen to a trans WLW voice.

I've quite literally seen people claim that transmascs can't harm transfems. I've seen this take. With my eyes. And I simply cannot bow to the idea that transmascs and transfems are equal in their oppression when only one of those are being categorically picked off this website one by one by staff, and only one of those has a whole widespread popular hate movement centered around ousting them from the queer community and legislating them out of existence.

I am not unwilling to listen to a transfem voice. The only reason why these asks have been answered at all instead of resulting in an immediate block is because it's coming from a transfem. But like literally all you have said so far is a massive "nuh-uh" to me talking about the things I've actually witnessed people doing, tell me I'm saying shit I haven't said, brought up a discourse I didn't even mention (my feelings on "transandrophobia" as a transmasc nb are kinda moot bc I simply don't like to define my own oppression by that term regardless of it's origin), and made a condescending response to my original post. I don't see why YOUR VOICE in specific is the only one I should listen to rather than the many transfems I see openly discussing their experiences with harassment on this website. ESPECIALLY when the post that sparked this discussion in the first place was me talking about my own feelings regarding why I'm distrustful of the rhetoric of rejecting TME because it literally reflects my own experiences with being told I can't define my oppressors. You assumedly wanna make space for transmascs to talk about their oppression, but apparently I can't discuss how my own community makes me uncomfortable with the rhetoric it has decided to recycle without getting "schooled" on a untagged post that had like 6 whole notes before you reblogged it.

So no, I'm not particularly interested in being educated at the university of keeping my eyes closed and not forming my own opinion

[wormgremlin]

I wanna say something else on the topic of rude comments on AO3. I know a lot of people just choose not to respond to trolls. I also know it's probably a waste of my time to respond. But I have a sliver of hope in me that people genuinely don't know why what they're doing is fucked up. And I lean on that sliver and I reply, yes perhaps a bit snarkily or rude. But all the while telling them why what they did is wrong. That being said, I will not stop deleting comments. That noise doesn't belong on anyone's fic, not even mine.

I'm not a fast writer. I'm not a prolific writer or a popular writer or even a particularly GOOD writer. I'm aware that sometimes my verb tenses are bad or my characterization off. I have a lot of words I overuse or awkward wording patterns I can't leave behind. But I get a beta to fix what can be fixed, then publish it.

I'm not a good writer. I write because I have ideas that I would rather have written out than have live forever in my head. I write for fun. I write to see the representation I want to see, even if I write it badly.

I repeat. I am not a good writer. However I am a stubborn writer. I am a resilient writer. And I reply to the people who think it's okay to criticize fic writers because I can deal with it. Because I don't care. And because I know it hurts others. And I hope, desperately that they do so unaware of the effect they have. Because that means they might be willing to change.

There seems to be a bizarrely short logical jump from "unasked for criticism is okay" and "telling people to kill themselves is okay." I don't write particularly problematic ships. No judgement or shame, I just don't.

But every fic is problematic under a bad faith reading. If you don't like something, it's a very short leap to "problematic." It's like that one post said: coffee shop AU? Workplace harassment. Genderswap? Transphobic. Queer relationships? Fetishizing. And if all someone needs is not liking something in a fic to begin criticizing an author or accusing an afab queer person of misogyny and homophobia... Well. It's a short leap from that to telling someone to kill themselves, isn't it?

And I may seem strangely fixated on the "kill yourself" angle. But I remember just a few years ago. People were doxxed. Lists went around of blacklisted individuals, and blocking them was a way of virtue signaling. So was using that blacklist as a mailing list for telling people to kill themselves. People were in my friends' ask boxes telling them to commit suicide. My friends who were not always in the best mental space. Over fanfiction. Over problematic things in fanfic. When I insisted that perhaps it is inappropriate to leave such comments, several other people stopped talking to or blocked me simply for saying "telling someone to commit suicide is inappropriate" and being associated with blacklisted individuals.

Of course, escalation isn't necessary to make it harmful and inappropriate, on a lesser scale. What was it that one particularly dense person said? Something about my characterization. So what if my characterization was bad? Back button exists for a reason! Don't waste either of our time reading it! "Don't like, don't read," dldr -- there are whole acronyms about it! You would think the point has gotten across by now. I am a self proclaimed bad writer. You're right! I don't always get Bucky's characterization right. A cis white ex-military man has immensely different lived experience from me. Hell, I've never even handled a gun before. Sometimes that means what I think makes sense for his character... doesn't. But also consider: I didn't ask; therefore, it's inappropriate and not "concrit" as some people like to call it (which I also have opinions about).

Someone commented after I posted about people leaving rude comments that I was how was it phrased? "Crying on tumblr," I believe. I'm not asking you to specifically stop commenting on my fic, I'm asking you to stop entirely. I'm asking you to take a step back and consider the real life effects of sending anon-hate or leaving unnecessarily critical comments on people's works they are making available to you for free. And if you're still under the impression that you are in the right to leave these kinds of comments... This is not me crying on tumblr. Let's be perfectly clear: this is me calling you a bitch on tumblr.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

I often have a hard time with intrusive thoughts, and have for the most part learnt to deal with them or at the very least talk myself out of an episode that's been caused by them. Recently though I've been really struggling when it comes to the queer community and I've been horrified that I may be secretly transphobic or that I'll unintentionally hurt someone by misgendering them.

I've been on tiktok the past couple weeks and I've seen a lot of discourse about people that are trans or gender fluid or trans masculine and there was a video that said "When she says she thinks I'm a real boy (update, she did not)" and in the comments somebody had said "do they actually see me as a boy or have they just memorized my pronouns".

And since then I've had this fear that what if I'm like that? What if I meet a man who underwent transition and in my head I still sort of see them as a female even though they're a man? Or what if I meet a woman and vice versa? I'm not a transphobic person, I don't want to be and honestly don't feel that I am. But day after day it's been just thought after thought "what if I'm secretly transphobic? What if I'm fetishizing people that are trans? What if I misgender someone? What if me being inexperienced in dating makes me a horrible partner or friend because I wouldn't get it?"

I know in my heart that trans men are just men and trans women are just women, there's no other way to slice it but then I start thinking and then I feel like I wanna die because what if it's a lie? What if I'm just secretly this queerphobic transphobic person and all it takes is something to happen and then everyone will know? But the thing is I'm not! I know for a fact I'm not! I hate my brain

Hi anon,

It sounds like consuming this content has led to some kind of impostor syndrome where you worry about being transphobic. There's a stark difference between accidentally hurting someone (a genuine mistake) and hurting them on purpose, and I imagine you would know which you would be in any given circumstance. I think as soon as some attention is paid to the grey area, it's easy to overthink and worry about the impact of our actions regardless of our intentions. And while it's great to be mindful of how we may hurt others even on accident, there's only so much guilt to carry over a genuine mistake.

We all have implicit biases. We all have thoughts that sometimes conflict with our values and beliefs, and just because we have these thoughts don't inherently make us bigoted or harmful. It's about what thoughts we choose to act upon and manifest into physical reality - that's all that matters.

To answer your other questions more directly, fetishizing trans people is something you'd probably be quite aware of if it did apply to you. If you misgender someone on accident then you correct yourself and carry on. If you have concerns about dating a transgender person, being in an open and caring relationship with them is the best way to work through any discomfort or uncertainty. The only solution to being inexperienced with dating is to try dating more.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun