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so your crow strider au gave me inspiration for my own au, but i've built up the idea in my brain so much that now im scared to try to put it to paper (oops) did you ever deal with this while making crow strider? (and if you did, how you got over it would be much appreciated thanks fhdjks) also your art is cool :]
Hi, sure, i encountered a few blocks when writing CSAU and other projects. I think my method comes down to a couple rules
You need to know how the story ends from the start, so everything in the story leads to the end. Things can change about the contents of the story as you write it and you change your mind about the events that will transpire in it, but you need an end goal you can build your story towards. Most importantly, this is what allows you to add foreshadowing for said ending and structure the narrative in a clear direction. Otherwise, you might come up with a cool ending too late and regret some choices from past chapters that now donât help this new ending you want
On that same note (and iâll proceed to copy and paste from an old post) You need to have a Word document with a rough timeline of the events from start to finish. You need to know how it ends from the beginning and how they get there. It can be really, really vague, but it has to be there. It can go like
. They start the game, the trolls bother them.
.both games go to hell
.scratch
.trip, develop relationships
.new set of kids/teen drama
.old kids they get there
.to hell again
.John retcons everything
.new timeline
.they win
And that's homestuck simplified, Those are your Acts. With them, you will know where you're going and if you need to change something earlier. Everything will be constantly up to change of course, but you will be going from point A to point Z more easily.
From there, you go to every point in that list and create a Word document for all of them. I have them in different folders to have every act separated and in order.
A folder for each Doc for every Act, Numbered, and in each one make more lists like that one telling what happens, for example
WordDoc1 - ACT 1 "They start the game, the trolls bother them"=
.John needs to get his game
.introduce Rose
.introduce the trolls on pester chats
. John gets the game
.introduce Dave
.etc
And those are your chapters. Now you can know the extent of what you want to do and if it makes any sense.
I addition to that, every Folder can contain not only the Word document for the Act but also relevant texts and art that are connected to the Act, so evey folder is all about that specific act and any inspiration for it.
Another piece of advice I can give you is to hint at anything important. That's a rule of comedy; actually, the comedian usually closes the show with something related to the first things they said.
That works for everything, and makes people go, "Oh the thing! The meaningless thing they said earlier, it was a clue all along!"
Interconnect it like a web, and that web will stop the story from falling
Homestuck is so ridiculously interconnected that you lose track of the stuff and objects that repeat that have no way to be where they got to be, songs and people and events that are too similar to not be connected but nobody addresses, things like that make it feel like you're dealing with a universe and not just a line of events.
3. Yet another thing, it's something I'm still trying to assimilate, and is that less is more, sometimes things don't need to be said, specialy not bluntly, and an expression, a gesture, a flinch can summarize them. Backgrounds can be reduced, and ideas can be conveyed.
one example is, In homestuck, it's never said that Dave was raised with lack of food. He never sais it, but it's shown in how happy he was to find a warm bottle of juice in his closet, how there is only weapons on the kitchen and no sign of food, how he later sais he never learned what the purpose of a fridge was until he saw it on tv. If someone is lacking something, don't have them say, "i grew up without X thing" show what filled that space in the absence of X thing.
Instead of some character saying, "My dad was never there for christmas" have them say how they thrited for presents at the local goodwill, payed with their lawn mowing money and put the presents under the tree themselves for their siblings and mom.
4. Something that I always have in mind when writing the dialogs and sketching the scenes, is
"I have an idea; what's the easiest way for someone to get the idea, to get the feelings i want to transmit from the idea?" I made the art something I could handle drawing hundreds of times, simplified the coloring, the aspect symbols, the way I draw backgrounds, the way I write dialogs, etc.
That will save you time and work and could prevent you from getting stuck with a project too big to handle
5. This is the most important one: The first draftâs only purpose is to exist.
Writing is like playing darts sometimes; you only get closer to hitting the center by missing it and learning what not to do. Thatâs an actual rule on animation and a motto on the Disney office. âGet it wrong as quick as you can,â because when you learn what youâre doing wrong is when you start learnign what doing it right means.
If it helps, title your first draft âthe dumb version,â because thatâs what it isâthe version to get the idea out of your head, and then you built over it.
On the same note, once you write "the dumb version" donât correct it. Rewrite it. Itâs annoying, I know, i know, but fixing and fixing a text only carries the mistakes from the first draft, and everything looks kind of disconnected, because it ends up being a Frankenstein text of all the versions of the story mixed together.
This also applies to art; thatâs how I handle both writing and drawing; if itâs not working, hold onto the core idea, new page, restart.
Rewriting it puts it in perspective; it feels like a text of its own, with a clear intent in mind.
I think thatâs all I have. Making a story is mostly about managing your strengths and weaknesses, organizing and not being scared of it not being perfect.
Hope this helps.
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Are your shoulders tired from carrying the entire Transformers fandom right now, Rev?
Your fics are also inspiring a bunch of people?!? Nice. Love your fics, dying from the angst, but now I'm writing fluff fics while waiting for you to post hahaaha *dies*
I just started writing TF fics because I couldnât find what I wanted to read đ but Iâm loving that more people are starting to write stuff, too! Iâve been trying to pester a writer friend (one of the ones that convinced me to start writing TF smut originally to create a Tumblr and share her stuff, too)
Everything Is Alright Pt 107
IDW Starscream x Reader, Soundwave x Reader, Megatron x Reader
⢠Your palm resting against his own, fingers lined up with his servos drives home how much smaller you are even when heâs mass displaced. How fragile. And yet you can still entrust yourself to him as he curls his other arm around you and tries to explain what he knows of how Cybertronians are sparked. How that spark can become transferred into a waiting protoform. But a hybrid spark? He has no idea if it will still work the same way. Youâre so small, will the spark stay your size? Smaller than a true Cybertronian? As defenseless as you are? Itâs a struggle to keep his tone calm, to pretend heâs not as scared as you are. As unsure.
⢠Laying your head against him as he talks, some of your tension eases at the confidence in his rasping voice. Because you really need to believe that one of you has a clue what youâre doing. And thereâs still Megatron, who even though he knows youâre no pet, seems determined to force you to keep up the act and play one for his amusement. Heâs dangerous. Know that, but speaking to him? You think heâs also lonely and more than a little tired. Hating that he can startle a laugh from you when he wants to, that those big hands are so gentle. That you like those rare smiles and- you like him. Stiffening in Starâs arms, you press your face against his neck, because you canât possibly like Megatron, public enemy number one and the biggest threat to your life. âWhatâs wrong?â Starscream asks. What is wrong with you? You have Star and Soundwave. Youâre happy with them. You canât like Megatron, too.
⢠Wings flaring slightly when you donât answer him, he takes your shoulders in his hands and pulls you back, not liking when you avoid his optics, face heating. And then hiding your face in your hands as he vents. Another weird human thing? Or something you just donât want to talk about? Optics narrowing, he rests his helm against your forehead and waits. âItâs nothing. Really,â you murmur, head tipping to brush your mouth against his, trying to kiss away his frown. Wants to trust that, but knows you. Knows you rarely complain or ask for anything. And right now that bothers him. How can he take care of you when you wonât tell him you need something? Resting a palm against your throat before sliding it down to rest over the steady beat of your heart, his optics shutter. Grounding himself in the feel of you. Of home and hope. Wonât push, because he knows heâs terrible at this, too. But he wants to get better. To be better. For you to trust him.
⢠Megatron can feel Soundwaveâs optics on him through the visor. Can also feel the tension in his old friend and he vents softly. âIâm not going to hurt your little human, but youâll still bring them to me.â But what Soundwave is hinting at, proposing in veiled, cautious words? That he make his own claim upon you just to force Starscream into stopping his attempts to ursurp him is clever, because itâs tempting. And his second in command will despise it. But he knows Soundwave, knows how protective he is of his cassettes and can imagine that protective instinct extends to you as well. If youâre tied to all three of them? Shared between them? Youâd be guaranteed safety. âIâll consider it,â he adds on a growl, annoyed with himself. But when he remembers those angry eyes, the way youâd defended Starscream, arguing with him? Youâd challenge him while being no real threat, a little, affectionate mate to sit at his peds while heâs on his throne. Respected and safe because you belong to him. And he remembers the way youâd looked under Soundwave. The sounds youâd made.
⢠Inclining his head respectfully, some of Soundwaveâs tension eases. Betting on Megatronâs own loneliness. That heâll keep demanding you be brought to him, speak with you and come to know you. Doesnât really hope that Megatron will love you, only arranging a mating for convenience. To keep you safe whether you want it or not. Telling himself that this is necessary as Megatron strides away, but thereâs a shadow of doubt in his spark. Afraid that youâll hate him for this, wonât understand that heâs doing this all for you. For a future heâs desperate to have.
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#transformers x reader#starscream x reader#megatron x reader#soundwave x reader#soundwave#megatron#starscream
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Symbolism of Shouto's and Touya's birthdates
I saw this post from @class1akids that got me thinking of the symbolism of Shouto and Touya's birthdates.
đšI hadn't thought about it before, but I realized that Touya's birthday is a way of playing with the phonetics of his name and the kanji for the number 18.
Normally, ĺĺ
Ť (18) is read ăă
ăăŻăĄ (juuhachi). However, most kanji have multiple readings and one phonetic reading for the kanji used for 10 and 8 is Toya*.
ĺ (10) - kunyomi reading: 㨠(to) / ă¨ă (too) ĺ
Ť (8) - kunyomi reading: ă (ya)
*note: this is not a standard reading of the combined kanji. There are also other possible readings for both kanji depending on context. Also, there is a difference between ă¨ăă (Touya), which is the actual spelling of his name, and ă¨ă (Toya) / ă¨ăă (Tooya) but for the purposes of wordplay, they are similar enough that I believe this was Horikoshi's intention.
For reference, here are the actual kanji used in Touya's name: ç (lamp/light) - onyomi reading: ă¨ă (tou) ç˘ (arrow) - kunyomi reading: ă (ya)
Also, perhaps this was a clue about Touya's favorite food all along. Another reading for ĺ (10) is ă (so) and ĺ
Ť (8) can also be read as ă° (ba). (It's why "soba day" is October 8)
đ°For Shouto's birthday, there isn't a direct phonetic link, but I think January 11 could symbolically refer to a couple of things.
First, the number 11 is sometimes used to mean "good" in Japanese. The reasoning behind this is that 1 is read as ă㥠(ichi), which can be shortened to ă (i). By this logic, 11 becomes ăă (ii), which translates to "good" or "excellent", which is very fitting for Shouto.
Also in Japan, January 11 is éĄéă (kagami biraki) - the day you are supposed to break open and eat kagami mochi (the mochi displayed as an offering to the gods for good luck in the new year.)
This website has a detailed explanation of kagami biraki but here are some main points:
éĄ (kagami) means mirror and éă (biraki) means to open, unfold, or unseal. Literally, kagami biraki means opening/unfolding a mirror.
There is a proper way to break the mochi. Cutting it with a knife is bad luck. Instead, it should be broken with a wooden mallet or by hand, then cooked into a dessert or soup.
The word é - bira(ki), also read as hira(ku), has a connotation of opening doors / new opportunities. "Kagami biraki" is purposely written with this kanji instead ĺă (kiru) to cut or ĺ˛ă (waru) to break, which have connotations of bad fortune or mishap.
Attaching such a significant date to Shoutoâs birthday could be Horikoshiâs way of indicating that Shoutoâs birth was seen as auspicious - originally to Endeavor as the "good luck" of finally getting the masterpiece child he wanted, but later in a positive way for Shouto himself as he came to terms with the things that could have broken him but which he eventually accepted and used to create his own destiny.
Kagami (mirrors) also represent harmony, which is fitting for Shouto, whose journey involved introspection and finding harmony between the two halves of his quirk.
[ignore this next bit if you don't want heartbreaking symbolism]
đAs for both of them being born in January, I suspect that Horikoshi chose Shouto's birthday first and intentionally gave Touya the same birth month to reference the fact that he was almost the perfect creation that Endeavor wanted and that he was "replaced" when Shouto was born. There's also something about January and new beginnings that isn't really relevant to Touya đ
Something else I learned while I was digging deeper into the symbolism of Japanese dates is that the old Japanese name for January was çŚć (mutsuki).
çŚ (mu) refers to a harmonious relationship, especially among family members, which is heartbreaking in the context of the Todoroki family but it ties in with Horikoshi's messy attempt to bring the family together to stop Touya before breaking it apart again.
Notes: - These days, January is usually just called ä¸ć (ichigatsu), literally 1st month. - New Year's Day is the most significant holiday in January and is traditionally a time when families come together - If anyone's super interested in how different kanji readings work, this site has a good explanation but it is quite long and may be confusing for folks who are brand new to kanji.
#todoroki touya#todoroki shouto#dabi#shouto birthday#dabi birthday#todofam#soba brothers#bnha meta#boku no wordplay academia#dancing girl's bnha thoughts#bnha
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If Inquisitor Lavellan is Hope, Elf!Rook is Freedom
Forgive my rambling but I just wanted to share this, see if it inspires discussion/theories/new friends to reach out, and maybe cement myself in this fandom.
SPOILERS AHEAD!!!
I've given a sparing thought to some theories and headcanons I've seen circulating with the confirmation of elves once being spirits in Veilguard and all the clues sprinkled throughout Inquisition. One has popped up that I find intriguing and I agree with. Inquisitor Lavellan is a Spirit of Hope.
I think there is a very strong case for that, especially for those Solasmancers out there who love to pair them up as Wisdom and Hope. It's a very beautiful thought as they are without a doubt soulmates, at least in the cases where those two end up together.
Hope defines the Inquisitor's journey. They become the Herald of Andraste, a symbol to look to after a period of ruthless war, then into the ass-end of a demon apocalypse trying to mend a broken world. Deed after great deed they prove their capabilities, and become a formidable player in Thedas's history, keeping people looking up. They are the Dawn That Comes.
Now that Veilguard has since confirmed that Elves were spirits made flesh, I've started to wonder at what possible spirit Rook could be, should they be of Elven lineage. I've decided, either through evidence or delusion or trying to piece together the fanfic I've got brewing, that Rook could be a spirit of Freedom.
Every faction could have some way of a purpose toward liberation. A Veil Jumper would want to free their history and their people from ignorance. A Grey Warden would want to free Thedas from the Calling and the Blight. The strongest background, and most the likely canon faction for Rook would be a Shadow Dragon, putting pressure on the Imperium to abolish slavery.
Rook has a knack for freedom. We free Lucanis from the Ossuary, the Dalish Elves from the Venatori, the Kal Sharok dwarves from the Titan's anger, young griffons from the Gloomhowler. We even free ourselves from a prison of regret built specifically to lock up gods.
My first go round, I played a Lord of Fortune Spellsword, and it coincided very nicely with this theory. An ex-galley slave turned marauding treasure hunter with no masters to hold them back. She lived and breathed freedom so it made sense, at least for my Rook.
We also see the potential to corrupt that spirit of freedom. Into what you ask? CHAOS. Which also ties into the other thing that connects them to Solas; The Tower.
The big teaser for Rook as the protagonist back when it was still called Dreadwolf was the Tower/rook chess piece and floating head of a wolf. Solas's Arcana at the end of Inquisition is the Tower. This Major Arcana represents calamity, disruption, upheaval, unavoidable change, chaos.
Too much freedom leads to lawlessness, and Rook is never one to follow rules as far as we witness. In all backgrounds, no matter the faction, Rook's actions cause unrest, turmoil, disruption, often a total breakdown of authority, much like the spirit they are mistaken for when delving into Solas's memories in the Crossroads.
Rook cannot be caged or told what to do. But also, Freedom cannot go unchecked, to do so on either end of the spectrum just leads to untold mayhem. It needs a guiding hand. It needs Wisdom.
With this in mind, it just makes their dynamic with Solas so much more fascinating. Everything he has done is in the name of Freedom, and if he were to have a living embodiment of it move against him it would be so confronting. It would make him question his entire angle. Why is he really doing this, if not for freedom? But his pride would keep him in imprisoned in denial and regret. This denial is then reflected back to Rook in regards to the fate of Varric.
The case for each spirit, both Hope and Freedom, only intensifies if one chooses the Atonement ending.
Lavellan sees the Wisdom in Solas and tries to appeal to him through that. She gives him Hope, and joins him in the dream, forever protected from his fear of dying alone.
Rook holds a mirror to his Pride, his mistakes, his trauma and makes him confront it. They gather all the pieces needed to unravel his fear, allow him to let go and make his own choice to atone and return to his true self, opening a path to true Freedom to finally come home to the Fade. WHICH IS TWIN-FLAMEY AS FUCK
So yeah, I love this game.
#dragon age#dragon age rook#dragon age the veilguard#lord of fortune rook#riggie rambles#dragon age inquisition#dragon age spoilers#dragon age theory#inquisitor lavellan#solas x inquisitor#dragon age inquistor#solas x rook#solas dragon age#solavellan#solrook#dreadrook
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Pick A Card Read
Hey there! So as I said I will be reposting old reads. Another relationship read... But this time to heal from a previous one. I used AI to edit this reading's original transcript. So hope you won't mind it I was having a hard time with my English, still do... But I have grown a bit confident about it since then. Hope these old reads provide some insights to you guys
Channeled Song :
A revisit to the past:
What are you subconsciously holding on to from your previous connection that needs to be realized at this time?
How to choose and find your pile
Meditate on the question given and choose whichever image you feel the most drawn to then read for the pile you like the most. You can feel drawn to anything, including the signs and symbols in the images.đ¸đ§đťââď¸đ
Warning â ď¸: I got some energy not wanting me to post this read. So here you go.
đ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§ż
May all the evil intentions, thoughts actions, prayers sent towards me or my way be returned back to its sender. I banish any negative energy sent towards me.
đ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§żđ§ż
____________________
Pile 1
____________________
Pile 2
____________________
Pile 3
________________________
Pile 4
________________________
Trigger Warning â ď¸
This reading has focused on your subconscious patterns from past connections, aiming to be a healing experience rather than a reminder of past hurts. If you're not ready to confront these aspects, but you appreciate the concept of this reading, feel free to save it for later.
Remember, this is a general reading, so take only the messages that resonate with you and leave the rest. A tarot reading offers insight or answers to your subconscious questions. It's important not to force yourself into any interpretation that doesn't feel right; readings are meant to be more about entertainment and reflection than precision.
Be mindful of not taking things personally. This is a collective reading, and while some aspects might resonate with you, others may resonate with someone else. My readings tend to be comprehensive and detailed, which some may find lengthy or time-consuming. Please take your time with this reading. These messages are intended to awaken and provide insights, so I hope you find value in them. Enjoy the journey through these reads..
Pile 1
"My fabulous pile 1, it's time to shine a light on those sneaky subconscious patterns! Feeling like you're carrying the weight alone? Or that your close ones are more dissonance than harmony? Stop right there. You, with your radiant energy, shouldn't dim your sparkle to make others comfy. The reversed 10 of Pentacles and upright World card are clear: you deserve harmony, not discord. Some in your inner circle might envy your success, throwing shade instead of support. Enough is enough! Don't let their negativity cloud your brilliance. Whether family or friends, if they can't cheer for you, it's time to reassess.. These could particularly be family members or some close-knit friends whom you might often jeer at you behind your back
You're a beacon of hope, often boosting others up. But remember, your worth doesn't diminish by lifting others. If your gut senses bad vibes, listen up â it's your internal alarm! There could be wolves disguised as sheep among your pack. Trust your instincts; they know who's genuine.
Sometimes, stepping back from these connections is necessary to regain clarity. Test the waters before diving in again. After all, your journey to greatness shouldn't include carrying others' negativity on your back. You're destined for a horizon full of light and new beginnings!"
Ever heard the word 'trenches' whispered through the grapevine? It might sound innocent, but it carries weight. Perhaps it's a clue that someone with a French connection â maybe even a Parisian â is stirring things up. You could also be a Parisian as well. Watch out, though; this person seems all ears but is really a gossipmonger! You might've learned this the hard way through a past connection. Despite your once-friendly encouragements, they're still at it. Now, some of you might find yourselves unconsciously adopting their snarky attitude, maybe as payback for old wounds. Picture someone, perhaps you, discovering this so-called confidant mocking you behind your back â devastating, right? If that's your story, I'm truly sorry. Sending heaps of love and healing your way. Remember, it's not just about feeling disrespected; betrayal stings deep. Your hurt is valid, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't brush off those feelings or blame yourself for holding onto them. Acknowledge, feel, and release. You deserve that peace."
Hey there, Pile 1! Buckle up because it sounds like you've been riding a rollercoaster of drama and emotional turbulence lately. You know those folks who've been tossing around the "petty" label like confetti at a party? Yeah, those ones. Well, guess what? You're not feeling pettyâyou're just in serious need of a breather from all the betrayal and hurt feelings they've been serving up.
Now, normally I'd be like, "Sayonara, drama llama!" But hey, being a tarot aficionado, I know better than to dish out generic advice. If you're stuck dealing with these characters at work or in your daily grind, it's time to lay down some ground rules. Set those boundaries like a pro and watch them try to push past 'em. And hey, YouTube is your new best friend for mastering the art of professionalism with a side of self-care. Trust me, you can do both and still keep your sanity intact.
Now, about those culinary quirksâwhether you're all about those egg yolks or have a taste that others don't quite get, own it. Let them giggle in their cultural ignorance while you savor every bite. Some of you could be from east asian lineage.
Onto the tarot vibes: Ace of Swords, 2 of Swords reversed, and 9 of Wands are in the spotlight. Feeling like you're stuck in a mental maze, overthinking every move? Been there, felt that. But wait, there's hope! Even with the Hermit and 5 of Pentacles reversed lurking in the shadows, there's a roadmap out of this rut. Tap into those resources you've been neglecting and watch your luck turn.
You're not trapped in a predetermined gameâyou're the player. So, take a deep breath, reassess your game plan, and strut ahead with confidence. Life's too short for petty squabbles and feeling stuck. You've got the cards in your favorâtime to play 'em like a pro!
Cheers to breaking free and living your best, drama-free life, Pile 1. You've totally got this!
Hey there, Pile 1! Ready to dive into the cosmic advice pool? Strap in, because we're about to decode some serious life battles and emotional rollercoasters.
So, here's the deal: not every battlefield is yours to conquer. Sometimes, it's about learning from the defeats and guiding others through their own journey. Winning doesn't define your worth, and losing doesn't make you any less of a superhero in this crazy game of life.
Feeling stuck in a rut, huh? Like your mind's trapped in a maze with no exit sign? It happens to the best of us. But guess what? This feeling of emptiness and miseryâit's actually a nudge from the universe to start fresh. Time to unlock those emotions you've been hiding away. Yup, it's okay to scream, cry, paint, writeâwhatever floats your emotional boat. Your feelings are meant to be seen and heard, not locked away in some mental vault. "I intuitively got someone screaming noooo" You might not like this change pile 1 but your body, your vessel needs to pour those emotions whether through artistry or words.
Now, I get itâyou might not be thrilled about this change. But trust me, nurturing those emotions is like feeding your soul cosmic vitamins. It builds your intuition, boosts your confidence, and sets you free to speak your truth. And hey, once you start setting boundaries and saying "no" to misery, you'll feel like a boss adult navigating life's twists and turns.
Remember, Pile 1, this journey isn't about instant wins. It's about growth, resilience, and embracing your unique path. Whether you're from Andhra or Timbuktu, this message rings true: you've got what it takes to persevere and thrive. West African counties, Timbuktu in Mali, Andhra Pradesh in India,, Northwest Africa, and Southeast India could be significant. Maybe your previous connection was with someone who came from the opposite side of the world. Both of you could have had very different cultures. This could be a current connection as well. But I am getting a past connection for most of you.
Thanks for hanging out and letting me drop some cosmic wisdom. Have an awesome day ahead, and until next timeâstay epic, stay true to you! đđ
Pile 2
Hey hey, Pile 2! Get ready to unravel the cosmic mysteries of your tarot cards with a twist of magic and a dash of insight. Let's dive into the mystical realm and see what the cards have in store for you.
First up, meet the Page of Wandsâa whimsical soul with a mind as colorful as a rainbow. This kiddo's all about imagination on steroids, soaking up inspiration from every nook and cranny of existence. They're like that friend who starts a dozen projects before breakfast, fueled by a burning desire to master their creative energy. Grounding plans? Nah, they'd rather leap into the next big idea and see where it takes them!
Now, entering the arena is the Knight of Swordsâcue the dramatic entrance music! This knight is pure strategy on turbo mode, zeroing in on goals like a heat-seeking missile. Impatient? Oh yeah, this speed demon wants results yesterday. Watch out for the occasional crashâspeed limits exist for a reason! But hey, when this knight sets their sights on something, there's no stopping them (well, ideally with a sprinkle of rationality).
Next up, the Judgement card sounds the cosmic wake-up call. It's like the universe shouting from the mountaintops, signaling a time of awakening and liberation. Those who've played by the cosmic rules are leveling up, while others might find themselves stuck in a soul-sized traffic jam. The 10 of Wands chimes in with a lesson: freedom comes when you stop playing pack mule for everyone else's problems. It's about taking charge and learning to say "NO" to what weighs you down.
And hey, amidst all this cosmic drama, who knew Purble Place tile flipping could be secret therapy for some of you? Sometimes, the universe speaks through nostalgic computer games!
Overall, Pile 2, it looks like you're tuning into how your past connections have shaped your approach to life. Maybe you started with a spark of passion or a creative itch, and now you're turning it into something strategic and structured. Whether it's diving deep into academia, crafting compelling stories, or mastering new languages, you're on a quest for growth and mastery.
So keep riding those waves of inspiration, Pile 2. Embrace your inner childlike wonder and knightly ambition.
It seems like you once navigated life with fiery enthusiasm, but now you tread a more strategically planned path. The people around you, or a significant person, have subtly helped you ascend to this new mindset. You were once overwhelmed by taking on too much at once, leading to a harsh awakening or realization that transformed your approach from impulsive pursuits to careful planning. The song "Heartbreak Anniversary" might resonate with youâperhaps this shift was triggered by heartbreak. Iâm sorry you had to endure that. The number 6 could be significant; maybe someone was born in June or July, or has strong Leo placements. Fire signs (Leo, Aries, Sagittarius) and Aquarius are also notableâthese could be prominent in your natal chart. The next cards, Chariot and Death in reverse, suggest someone with significant 6th house placements.
Even with opposition, youâve resolutely pursued your goals, driven by a passion that brought you immense joy. There was a particularly happy moment in your life that you still cling to, despite a major change. In this new beginning, you chose not to engage emotionally, protecting your heart space. It seems you felt attacked, leading to an inner death and a fear of vulnerability. I envisioned a scene from the movie "3," starring Indian actor Dhanush, where his character becomes numb to his emotions, unable to move away from an apple all night due to profound despair. I'm deeply sorry if you've experienced similar emotions, feeling paralyzed by suppressed feelings. I recommend exploring tapping videos and somatic exercises for healing.
When we feel deeply, our emotions often take up residence in our bodies. Listen, pile 2, I understandâgrief and remorse can be so heavy that even moving feels impossible. If youâre grieving a loss, take the time to heal. It took me years of crying, shouting, and screaming to let it all out. It's not easy, but please find your support system. These feelings are too much to handle alone. If this resonates, please take your time to heal. For some, this loss might be a loved one or even a cherished pet. I'm truly sorry you had to go through that. Take all the time you need to recover. May you find peace and healing.
When we feel deeply, our emotions often take up residence in our bodies. Listen, pile 2, I understandâgrief and remorse can be so heavy that even moving feels impossible. If youâre grieving a loss, take the time to heal. It took me years of crying, shouting, and screaming to let it all out. It's not easy, but please find your support system. These feelings are too much to handle alone. If this resonates, please take your time to heal. For some, this loss might be a loved one or even a cherished pet. I'm truly sorry you had to go through that. Take all the time you need to recover. May you find peace and healing.
The last two cards are the Page of Swords and the Two of Pentacles reversed. Many of you might have learned valuable lessons from past connections about balancing curiosity and passion. Your previous relationships taught you the importance of not getting overly excited once you reach your destination but maintaining a diplomatic, pragmatic approach. This balance is crucial, pile 2. Sometimes, you might not see the results you expect and could develop a habit of withdrawing from society as a coping mechanism. Some of you may have faced bullying and tend to mask your emotions, perhaps turning to addictions like alcohol to soothe yourself. Remember, it's essential to maintain a healthy balance and seek support when needed.
Dear pile 2, it seems you might be grieving the heavy loss of a partner. Perhaps you're beginning to realize what they gave you that makes their absence so unbearable. They may have profoundly influenced your approach to life, goals, and dreams, making it incredibly hard to let go. I'm truly sorry you're experiencing this. I hope my words help you see things more clearly.
The song "Kaha Hum, Kaha Tum" from an Indian serial comes to mindâyou might find it resonates. There might have been a power dynamic imbalance with your person that left one of you feeling insignificant. Iâm sending so much healing energy to both of you. May you both emerge from this phase stronger and better. All my love and healing to you. Have a great day ahead, pile 2. Take all the time you need to heal. đđđŤś
Pile 3
A lot of ungrounded energy is swirling around, mixed with a hint of skepticism. The cardsâ9 of Pentacles, 4 of Pentacles reversed, Page of Cups reversed, and Page of Swords at the back of the deckâpaint an interesting picture.
Whether or not a wish is coming true, someone is determined to do whatever it takes to succeed. Thereâs a strong protective energy here, a bit of hoarding, as if you're guarding your achievements and accomplishments closely. This isn't necessarily a bad thing; it shows you're keeping unnecessary burdens and interactions at bay. In your past connections, you might have subconsciously developed a habit of keeping things to yourself, staying in your head, and not sharing your resources to prevent others from taking advantage of you.
Perhaps you've been demeaned in the past, leading you to become secretive and hoard everything you've earned to avoid others getting it. This has likely made you skeptical of those around you. It seems this skepticism has seeped into your life, preventing you from aligning with others for higher purposes, goals, and enlightenment. You might have grown distrustful of the universe itself and the gifts it brings. Struggling with self-forgiveness, you may beat yourself up over many things, finding it hard to accept appreciation or good things in your life, feeling undeserving.
"Cheri Cheri Lady, going through emotions, love is where you find it, listen to your heart." This song could be significant to you. You might have trouble listening to your heart, relying too much on logic to understand your subconscious patterns and emotions without truly delving into why those emotions are there. It seems like a half-baked effort, as you intellectualize your emotions and seek rational solutions without understanding the root of your skepticism towards others. Take time to explore your feelings deeply and understand where this skepticism originated.
The next pull reveals the King of Swords in reverse, the Fool in reverse, and the Hanged Man at the back of the deck. This unprocessed rebellion from your previous connections seems to be holding you back. Instead of moving forward, youâve chosen to logically rebel against your emotions, possibly by beating yourself up for feeling a certain way. Before diving into the next chapter of your life, it's crucial to take a break and shift your perspective on how you're handling these emotions. You need to balance your emotional spheres, develop emotional self-control (not suppression), and learn to manage that inner turmoil.
The Hindi song "Lutt putt Gaya" comes to mind, which might have messages for you. Someone here could be a fan of SRK.
Interestingly, the last pull includes the Six of Cups and the King of Cups. Pile 3, have you been my client before? The synchronicity in this pile is striking, and your reading has exceeded expectations with a 6-card spread, my usual go-to.
You might be attending a reunion, reminiscent of the song "Deewangi Deewangi" from Om Shanti Om. The Six of Cups urges you to enjoy this reunion without any animosity. Donât question your emotions; humble yourself and make amends with past connections, especially an ex if possible. If you can't reconcile, at least control your temper regarding previous relationships.
Now is the time to stop intellectualizing your feelings and allow yourself to truly feel them. For some of you, the Philippines might hold significance. Embrace this journey with an open heart and a balanced mind.
For some of you, be cautious of someone who might be plotting against you. If your ex is the type to scheme, keep your emotions in check. You could be a Taurus, Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius, or Scorpio. Avoid lashing out emotionally, as you might regret it later. With Mars in Taurus and the South Node in Libra (in Western astrology at the time of this reading), don't let others force or emotionally blackmail you. Maintain a diplomatic stance and keep your emotions balanced.
You might be subconsciously rebelling against your achievements, holding onto past wounds and grudges that prevent you from embracing new beginnings. Dear pile 3, you're being called to adopt the Emperor role in your life and take control of your emotions. Some of you might have a habit of side-eyeing people; try to manage your impulses and ego hurts. Learn from your lessons, feel your emotions, and channel them properly. Avoid provoking situations that could lead to regretful outbursts. Expressing anger is okay, but donât let yourself be easily provoked.
Thank you, pile 3. I hope you enjoyed your reading. Byeee đŠľđŠľ. Be mindful of envious people đ§żđŠľ. If you're dealing with emotional challenges, may you be protected and blessed. Donât feel bad about your success, dear pile 3. Remember, you are unique and will overcome your hardships. I hope this reading brought you clarity, encouragement, and help. Have a great day, pile 3. Feel free to explore other piles if they boost your day or provide helpful insights. đŠľđŠľđ§żđ§żđŠľđŠľ
Pile 4
Pile 4, youâre basking in a confident energy, manifesting your dreams, desires, and goals into reality with the Magician and the Star, supported by the King of Pentacles. You think it, your subconscious knows it, and you make it happen. Your biggest lesson from past connections is this incredible ability to turn thoughts into reality.
The next pullâKing of Wands reversed, Hanged Man reversed, and 8 of Wands with 10 of Wands at the backâindicates a parent-child dynamic or similar connection. Someone was pushed to chase blessings, despite carrying heavy burdens, in a tough-love scenario. They were forced into a lightning-speed race to reach a destination, their head overwhelmed. This is a strong family connection for some of you. Pisces, Aries, and the February-April season could be significant. For others, it might be a love connection or a platonic friendship where you were advised to take the hard route to success. You might be realizing this about your family, like a fish circling its intuition to create a happy place. Some of you have large families and stay in touch with many relatives.
The final pullâEmpress and King of Cups reversedâreveals you recognizing your power as a creator, letting your creative side flourish. However, you might be choosing your head over your heart, avoiding emotions due to a lack of rest or an inability to calm yourself. This could lead to nightmares or sleeplessness because you feel unaccomplished. Fishes, often symbolic of emotionless and follower-type behavior, represent your struggle to confront your emotions.
Pile 4, your journey is about balancing your immense manifesting power with emotional self-awareness. Embrace your creative side and confront your emotions to achieve true fulfillment.
Pile 4, what you might be realizing about the things you were subconsciously holding onto is a creator's angst, stemming from sacrificing yourself for others' dreams, wishes, and desires. It seems youâve finally started listening to your calling and are swiftly moving toward your goals and dreams. Just make sure not to burn yourself out with immense passion, craze, excitement, or recklessness, especially if you have sleeping problems. Check your sleep schedule and avoid overdoing things.
You are entering an era of manifesting everything youâve thought of into your present reality, bringing justice to yourself and balancing the scales of needs and wants in your life. All the best for your new journey, Pile 4. Some of you might have come here from Pile 2. May God bless you on your journey ahead. âď¸ Pave a good future for yourself. Byee đŠľđŠľđŠľ
#daily tarot#free tarot#tarot#tarot reading#tarot witch#tarot cards#tarot wisdom#pick a photo#pick a picture#pick a pile#pick a card#tarot pick a card#pick#tarot deck#tarotista#tarot blog#tarot art#tarot journal#tarotblr#tarot pac#tarotcommunity#tarotoftheday#tarotdaily#tarotonline#astrology community#tarot divination#divination#Spotify
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Hehe, imagine not having Arks A03, ty to that other commenter đđ
haha my what now? đł
#ask#anon#silly ask doodles#never heard of that site before~ đđŚ#if you really have no clue and want it there are ways to find it#A) light 5 candles at midnight; draw a pentagram and put a crow's feather with pictures of William Afton in the middle and chant some latin#B) ask me via dm đ#crow friend
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it đŤĄ
So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.
At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.
Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.
I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.
So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.
If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.
#spotatalk#i'm just gonna drop this in the queue I guess?#but I'm writing this on the last day of june so....#whenever this rolls around will be a jumpscare abd a half I guess?#I think honestly I coukd do a full breakdown of the Crew and why they're all expressions of me but like#quick summary is#Reset: Wants approval from people but mostly clings to the past. is afraid of losing his brother and acts on it to bring him back. i#<- I lack that conviction to do whatever you have to to get your way. i worry my brother and I have a weird gap between us we wont repair#Orchid: Uhhh woman. lots of pressure that she had at one time that's now no being pressed but she still tries to live up to it also.#<- I don't like the pressure of being a woman. also gifted-kid who cannot move past the pressures imposed to be 'perfect' and it's screwed#Stereo: Pulled into a situation he doesn't want to be in initially. it's bad for him but he likes the people so he decides to stay#<- I see the good in people. even when they hurt others around me. I was a bystander often and should've left the situations. paralelling.#Monochrome: Afraid. No purpose or preperation in life. soneone offers to guide him and he takes that offer because it's better than home.#<- Kinda self-explanitory but I've got little direction and feel lost a lot of the time. If I'm given a path I usually walk it no hesitation#and... for fun let's do some others!#Haphazard: Cleaning up after others since childhood. he's never really gotten a break and sees any sort of mess as an enemy#-> He's fixing rifts in universes I gotta patch relationships. there's so much conflict and I'm always so overwhelmed by it#Lost: He's got amnesia. no clue where he is. where he's from. who you are. who he is. he'll know when he gets there. he's sure.#-> I've been hsving minor issues with my memory for years. i coukd be forgetful but sometimes it just escapes me and that's spooky#Teddy: Isolated in her universe for years. she self-mutilated until she liked herself. when she finally met people she compulsively lied#-> Much more extreme version of how isolated I sonetines feel. hobbies can't replace human interaction but it's hard#oh and Ichor: God who loves mortals but cannot seem to find ones who will prove hin right for his trust and care#<- I've got a big heart. i express it often but the sentinent is scoffed off a lot. I get beat down about it and just keep moving forward#Pretender: Knows who he is. however the world doesn't like it much so he acts how they expect him to or isolates away#<- I still present femme when I'm nb/agender. i bend and break to people's perception of me. if I can't solve something I run.#okay I feel more insane than when ai started but these stupid skeletons have helped me through so many mental health problems it's only a#little bit funny đ
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i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again
sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now
Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.
And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.
and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.
no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.
and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.
im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.
and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently
in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.
there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.
no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.
#you know it's funny#i still feel this way but the moment i wrote this#on tiktok one of my friends that was there for most of my times followed my secret tiktok account and#the friend that i lost last year checked my account and#i hope she fucking knows how much that means to me#because i always felt like she hstes me but i still deeply feel she cares abf me and silently looks out for me and i feel so sorry#bc in the past 4 days she has checked my account multiple times and idk man#i truly feel like she sees that im struggling i appreciate it a lot#but i could never tell her that because what if im wrong and also#i dont fit in that friendship anymore#but im still really greatful#for checking up on me even like this#*most of my life#noticed a typo#idk anyways i just really needed to scream this into the void. I didn't want to be so sad today. i just scrolled instagram to numb myself#all day. but i got off my phone it was terrible. idk. i feel im not sure i can get my shit together by monday#im sick of having to fall apart and build myself up every fucking day man. and each day i literally wake up telling myself affirmations#trying to convince myself that its oka#it will be okay at least when u are home at night. wait for that moment everyday but. im tired of waiting for night to be happy man.#i have 30 mins to either post that fuckin video and make a fool of myself bc i told myself i need to post it on the 19th. but idk man. Im#terrified it will only disappoint me. people will make fun of me. idk man. its not that funny is it. or is it? how pathetic i am for clingi#g to the only hope in my life like a fucking abandoned dog man. but what can i do. i dont want to depend on you so much. but then who shoul#i depend on? if i depend on myself im just gonna kill myself man.idk. my grief is getting worse day by day. i still practice guitar everyda#hoping that maybe you will come back or something will come back. maybe mywill to live will come back? maybe the Instrument will play a not#that I can depend on? i dont really know what im looking for thats the worst. living is uncomfortable and dark. even when im smiling with m#friends i feel lost.there's something i feel like they know and i dont. when they could name their favorite colors in kindergarten i alread#knew something was different abt me.its really isolating.not having a clue of who am i.i keep saying im finding myself more and more but tb#i still in a way like im always wearing a costume. i wonder how naked id have to be to find myself. sorry for word vomitting.it maybe helps#anyways acchan i miss you.this world feels really stale without you.i wish I could truly show how much I love you with my words or life but#i dont really think it makes a difference.my voice really doesnt matter that much in the end.maybe im too much
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đĽ´'
#so you know the way yesterdays ig update fucked up the 'send to' list when going to share a post w someone so now it's alphabetical#or smth like that instead of latest dmed with#well a few hours ago i was sent reel by someone who used to be my best friend but then we slowly lost touch#and like our last interaction was my birthday a couple of years ago when she sent me a birthday message and i replied and also asked if she#wanted to meet up for a coffee or smth and then she never replied#anyways now i have no idea what to do#like did she send it to me by mistake or did she actually mean to send it to me or did she mean to send it to me but with the#excuse of ig fucked up the send to list????#and i haven't opened the message bc then she'll see it but also the reel she sent might give a clue but also aaaaaaah#it'd be nice to maybe reconnect but if she didn't mean to send it to me at all it'll probably just be really awkward?? and i feel#like whatever i end up writing in response will be awkward??? even just a casual 'lmao ig messed up ur list too?' feels so awkward even#though it's a natural response?? and then what if she just doesn't respond at all to whatever i write..........#i hate that i find this so difficult<3
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im thinking again
#ive been dealt the bad hand; the worse hand; the hand from the arm from the body#im just.....okay#Well aaaa its weird#nothing anyone says to me is to *me*#which is fair-- no one knows me. but i do wish i got it. i dont know#the passing of time is still my worst enemy#i love everyone so much. itssssssweird.#if youre following these posts and saw the last one: i think i am still gonna die soon. awwh man. i dunno#but i have no reason to go on truthfully and i dont feel like finding one#im tired and sad OK?#i do want an acknowledgement again#and if you're following these posts im going to do the same thing i did last time and talk to the three tumblr blogs:#1. hi. i really like you. i admit it. j think youre really cool and all. uh okay im supposed to ask a question so here; how are you? well i#hope. k dont know. i havent been reading up like i should be and as for the second blog im talking to here i also havent been reading up lik#e i should im very sorry. i will make that journal again though.#and third blog: hi!! i still have no clue how to do that one thing but youve really gotten me into the hypothetical idea of differences base#f off of like ...area. the thing you said about that one thing.! i javwnt been doing much about it but thinkin but you know thinkin is fun.#i do want to do reading on it but ive been very sad lately and i cannot be bothered#this is really fun talking to people like this. um#youre very cool blog one ive been becoming a big fan of you again#blog two.if you see this: i want you-- I'm sayin that to specify that I'm talking to you. but i dont. anyway: uh. oh no i forgot what i was#gonna say#okay here's to not talking to anyone particular:#i want to do drugs. its the only way ill be able to handle all this.but i... oh hey i have melatonin!!#hmmmmmm#idk#it just puts me to sleep and i hate sleeping cause im always having bad dreams-- both nightmares and just dreams that Suck-- but...... im#desperate.#okay im gonna take a normal dose and just keep it together i hope#I hate sleeping
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Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents⌠sometimes. But itâs uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasnât caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..
I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. Itâs wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.
I was texting my sister today about it and she said
âI 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesnât realize it cause theyâre still drinking the kool-aid.â
I ran out of tag room and didnât want to delete any đ seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences
#I relate to all of this so much#and itâs so sad how many people truly have religious trauma#I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine#itâs really hard cause my parents still think Iâm a Christian#honestly at this point I have no clue what i am#even if I end up still being a Christian that doesnât help or heal all of the years of church trauma#but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents#growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold#cause I know thatâs what my parents wanted and I didnât want to disappoint them#but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there#their perfect angel fell from heaven#and I feel like ever since I havenât been really their daughterâŚ. Iâve just been living on the outside looking in to everything#it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith#it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally#the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church#when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with#wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was#YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for somethingâŚ. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away#and the thing is I donât necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone)#but honestly itâs just the environment they grew up in too⌠like Iâm 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life#but wonât get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it#which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didnât need to#^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop#sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma#yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse#sure Iâll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? itâs 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 đđđđđ#and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while Iâm dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past#please donât get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I donât blame them - they did their best#it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didnât grow up in the church or in a super religious family#I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help
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Posts about bpd need to stop being so damn relatable to me đ¤¨
#listen im not saying i must have bpd cuz of a bunch of relatable tumblr posts dont clutch your pearls on me#but hm im starting to get suspicious ajsjk#just been spending these past few months really digging into my deeply repressed memories and emotions and i keep discovering more and more#fucked up shit lol like first its being forced to acknowledge that i have a bit more than some âminor traumaâ#and that ive actually just been like horribly abused like. my entire life and still am đ#then it was like really trying to think about myself and what ive done to cope with abuse and like ive constructed an entire person#to just live as whenever im in the abusive situations and when i was removed from the situation for the first time ever#i had like a huge crash a huge crisis i both functioned way better than everyone said i would like suspiciously better#but also way worse at the same time#i could handle all the responsibilities of living alone i never once felt scared or homesick i was clean i was efficient i used money wisely#but i also felt like i was dying and i couldnt function when my persona dropped#cuz i didnt need to be that person anymore i could finally be me but then like. who even is me ive never gotten to find out#i dont know basic ways to behave i still have no clue how to exist or what i truly want vs what i pretended to want#its all completely muddled and its hard to explain that i cant tell whats genuine with me and whats fake#cuz ive been forced to live the fake shit my entire life you know? ive had to and i had to accept it#ive never gotten to make any of my own actual decisions and at the same time i have to decide everything for everyone else#im the parent of my parents but never was the child and the child is still there asking for attention but no one is there#then you know i had to return to the abuse and so its like i did get to taste freedom but not for long and i spent all my time in that#crisis mode so it wasnt exactly a fun filled time but being back here is much worse than before cuz now i know whats happening#and how i have to perform and its like how do i discover anything about myself in this kinda environment and no one understands the turmoil#the reason why something simple like wearing different shoes is so impossible for me#its just a horrible environment to be in i am in hell constantly ive no clue whats happening and im very obsessive over everything#aaaaghhhhhhh help girl help lol
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MASTERLIST
Sukuna is pissed.
The reason? You moved away from him in your sleep when he wanted to hold you close.
In your own subtle ways, you've always complained about how unaffectionate he is. You didn't explicitly say it, but he did notice how your mood would shift, your pretty little smiles barely masking your disappointment when he would do or say anything remotely cold or mean. And now that he was giving you what you wanted, you just roll away from him, depriving him of your warmth and the affection he expects you to reward him.
How you even managed to escape four of his arms to find your own corner of the bed was a big puzzle to him. You've always slept peacefully pressed to his side on most nights, and you didn't really move much once he had two of his arms wrapped around your frail form. Perhaps you were doing it on purpose after he had evidently upset you during supper by dismissing you when you asked about his day. There was nothing to tell, and though he understands that your concerns came from a good place, he still refused to tell you of the horrors of the world he found himself so deeply embroiled in.
Sukuna, however, brushed off the idea. You wouldn't dare. Or would you? He was just protecting you. Why would you hold that against him?
He chose not to entertain the thought, thinking it was just you moving in your sleep. And so, he reached for you, gently placing his arms over and underneath you to pull you closer. But it hadn't even been a minute of him holding you when you started letting out these seemingly irritated noises and shortly after, you were turning your back on him.
"What â" He stopped himself when you breathed in deeply, half expecting to hear sobs if you were truly upset with him, but then, your breathing rhythm returned to normal. You were still fast asleep.
Sukuna shrugged, already feeling his temper rising at the thought that you could sleep just fine without him. The thought of it annoyed him, and that was an understatement. He decided to move closer to you then, but as soon as he did, pressing your back on his bare chest, you started squirming, a dissatisfied groan leaving your lips.
At that, he rose slightly on his elbow, taking offense. "Woman, what is your problem?" he demanded, making you lie down flat on your back, startling you. "Is something ailing you?" This time, he spoke gently, watching as you slowly blinked up at his frowning face like you haven't got a clue what he's talking about. And then you closed your eyes before favoring your left side, going back to sleep.
"You â"
"What?" you whined without facing him, annoyed that your sleep was being disturbed.
Sukuna scoffed. You've really done it this time. Nobody dared speak to him that way. "What now? You don't want me anymore? I thought you wanted â"
In one swift movement, he found himself being tackled onto the bed as you turned around and threw yourself against him, immediately finding your spot in the crook of his neck. His two left arms instinctively wrapped around you, keeping you cradled in them as you snuggled closer, planting a kiss under his collarbone as if to appease him before you were falling back asleep.
"You could have just stayed like this â"
"Shh."
Did you just shush him? And as if to punctuate it, you raised your hand, your fingers blindly yet tenderly brushing his lips and staying there.
"Wife, you are aware I have two mouths, aren't you?" he spoke against your fingers, fighting a smile.
You moved your head back to smirk at him as you threw a leg over his abdomen right where his other mouth was, your thigh preventing it from saying anything.
"There. Problem solved."
#just something i thought of cause i hate being cuddled while i sleep#sukuna#sukuna x you#sukuna x reader#sukuna x y/n#ryomen sukuna#ryomen sukuna x you#ryomen sukuna x y/n#ryomen sukuna x reader#sukuna fluff#sukuna au#ryomen sukuna fluff#ryomen sukuna au#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x you#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jjk#jjk x y/n#jujutsu kaisen x y/n#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jjk flluff
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// personal, uuuh kind of a vent but idk? Maybe more of just a general ask to the void of whoever happens to read it; How Does Friendship-ing Work? And the whole Is This Normal Or Just A Me Thing with this social thing that could be normal or may be not normal.
I know it's relatively normal for people to just grow apart or for friendships to break away based on one drama or another, but I've noticed recently that it's just... Really common for people I've met to eventually have some issue either someone else and for groups I'm in to break apart really easily, even like regardless of me being there or not I mean. It's happened quite a lot and I wonder if it's just me, "people these days" as in just how friends are in modern society with internet and all the expectations from it, or if it's actually normal?
Does anyone else have experience with that? As in, a reoccurring thing where people in friend groups you are in have some sort of drama between a few people which leads to everyone never talking again or falling out regardless of whether or not you're involved or even knew of said drama?
For example, I had this group of friends I talked to a lot online (we were a part of a larger group) and we ended up becoming really close but eventually people in that group had their own issues with each other and everyone stopped socialising because things got awkward for those who weren't involved. Like, this exact this I've found is weirdly common for me, a lot of friend groups I've been in have had this happen to some degree and idk how to approach it? It probably doesn't help that I'm really bad at social stuff and knowing when I'm oversharing or being too quiet or saying stuff that's socially inappropriate (like saying or asking stuff that is insensitive but you don't realise until after you've said it that it was pushy or too much), or understanding when people want you to shut up or when they want you to step in or anything in between. Basically, I'm just lost on all this and still trying to understand if this is A Normal Social Thing That Happens to Groups of People A Bunch, or if it's a unique issue or... Idk.
Basically! I don't really know how to address this happening yet again or who in said friend group I should even speak to if at all? Like do you just leave it and wait for people to short out their own stuff, or would that be considered you being a bad and neglectful friend?? Would involving yourself make you nosy? Or would it be seen as you being caring? Would backing off being the better option? Would talking to certain people make others thing you're betraying them and picking sides??? I literally can never tell what thing is the Right Social Thing⢠to do so I just kinda either sit there and wait, trying not to make anything worse, or ask around and see if at least showing that I genuinely mean well and care helps at all (sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't and makes stuff worse, but so does the former sometimes). Also. I do have this thing where I speak without thinking and make things worse before I get to that part which probably makes this even harder because people probably are already feeling horrible from whatever stuff happened between them and when you know nothing at all, you don't know how tf to act. Or what to say or do or anything at all really.
For now, I'm gonna keep writing my stories, reading my books and doing my best but damn. Is there some sort of?? idk?? A way to avoid this stuff or is it normal or what?? Again, idk.
#personal#vent#or well#vent kinda??#how do y'all do friendships bc I'm so damn lost on how to read Social Cues or how to act âââappropriatelyâââ so maybe all I CAN do is just..#give people space and say âI'm here for youâ and hope that's enough#âGee I don't know what happened or if someone did something legit really hurtful or mean or if You were the one who did so but good luck?â#or âdamn sounds like a lot of misunderstandings I hope you all find a way to patch things up??â#as if any of that is right or ok to say or helpful or like idk#I don't know anything and I can't help so I can only try to not come to any assumptions on anything#like if something Bad Happened or just a friendly mistake or a bit of both or neither Idek and I love everyone in these groups each time#so idk how to approach the idea that someone I love hates someone else I love#never been good at that and I esp struggle because I don't know what to say to said people because usually they don't want you to be Neutral#but what else CAN you do but just not decide based on the fact you have no clue what's going on or who's right or who's telling the truth#You can only really just be compassionate while giving them space as they're hurting#and then not know what to do as people stop talking altogether#which is kinda sad and lonely but what else do ppl do in these situations like how can you be helpful without ending up being pushy or nosey#or just...make people feel like shit without meaning to#god relationships are Hard
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Fae Courting Rituals | TWST
Diasomnia Dorm X Reader
Lilia X Reader, Sebek X Reader, Malleus X Reader, Silver X Reader
---- Fae are typically taught from a young age certain courting rituals. (Non-Human courting rituals part 3/3)
Note: Was going To add silver to this list. (I know he isn't a fae, but he was raised by one) but was too tired to write for him)
Savanaclaw Ver. | Octavinelle Ver
Sebek:
He starts following you around for some reason.
Seriously, one day he just woke up and decided to not leave you alone. It helped that you guys shared a bundle of classes together.
You had no clue how you befriended the green hair boy. You weren't complaining though, in this school, where everyone is so set in their ways, you liked having the extra layer of protection that was the loud half fae: Sebek.
He was loud and denies it however, whenever you point out he follows you. He claims to not having even realized he was doing such a thing. "I would never follow around a mere human!" He shouted out his claims with a red face.
It could be true. He did get somewhat spacy sometimes if you'd believe it.
He had a packed schedule, or so he claimed, yet he always found time to be around you. It made a warm feeling blossom in your chest, well, of course before he used this time to rant about Malleus. "Wakasama is the most kind and fit ruler of-" He'd ramble, you'd sigh; put your face in your hand and lean a bit closer to him. You enjoyed hearing him so passionate, even if it was... constant.
He didn't have an off switch, that didn't have to be a bad thing.
Plush, you didn't hate his voice. Not that you'd be as loud about your likes as he was for his.
Though you were pretty positive your friends... and most of the students at NRC were in fact sick of his voice. People have also noticed he is more vocal around you.
Which is⌠a good thing?
The oddest thing happened once. At one point when the two of you were relaxing in ramshackle. A bag of popcorn and a shitty TV you got on sale at Sam's shop. He wasn't being loud for once in his life, instead his attention was focused on the screen.
You two were sitting pretty close together when, he had grabbed your hand and laid his head on yours. Was he... cuddling you?
You couldn't help but smile and continue to watch the movie. You didn't want to comment on it, you knew if you did, he'd probably get up, make a huge deal out of it (with a red face), and leave.
He started rubbing his forehead against yours before he finally pulled away like it never happened. It was oddly affectionate.
You didn't even think he knew that he was doing it.
He began to do these affectionate things while he was focused on something else. Either it be a show at the movie nights you organized with him, or if he was studying a bit to hard with you.
Your friends wondered how you even managed a movie night with the loud boy but you just shrugged.
Eventually, you had to face it: You really like Sebek.
You really liked this brash boy with a thick skull.
You knew however, even if he did like you back. He'd never admit it, let alone go out with you.
It left you with this odd feeling. A dull pain that ranged from a small ache to feeling like Throns were wrapping around your heart, piercing the organ in your chest.
You tried not to let that get you too down. Instead, you watched him across the lunchroom as subconsciously he blew bubbles into his drink, his green eyes finding yours...
So yes, you'd listen to his rants. You'd go out of your way to hang out with him, you'd enjoy his company while you could.
Because you knew, sooner or later, he'd realize it too. The same reality you had to face. And...
well...
He wouldn't face it.
He'd probably turn you away and never speak to you again. And you'd be fine with that. Even if you didn't want to be because you...
Well, let's save that for another day.. "Hey Sebek, lets hang out!"
"I suppose I can make time for you, Human!"
Lilia:
He was out to get you.
You noticed it. Almost everybody noticed it. You just didn't know what you did to him! He'd pop up everywhere and scare you! Right before disappearing away.
This counted as bullying, right?
You were starting to get... slightly paranoid.
You enjoyed Lilia's company, you really did. But you were tired of constantly looking over your shoulder. So, you started to avoid him, just a bit.
Your own personal revenge for the paranoia.
Now, Lilia has lived a long life. He knows what he's doing and is just having fun. He liked you, he did, but he probably isn't going to be that serious about this. He's in it for the vibes.
So when he see's you avoiding him... he well... He serenades you from outside ramshackle.
He makes his intentions very clear with a love song!
A boombox in Sebek's hand, and a tired Silver who followed along because... well Lilia was making Sebek hold a bomb box and traveling in your direction.
Lilia song his heart out for you. "Everybody loves somebody sometime!~ And although my dream was-"
"It is 2am!! The perfect will go out with you tomorrow!" Grim shouted out the window with a grogy done with it tone. After you threw a pillow at them.
NOTE: Sorry this one is short but I have a hard time writing for Lilia
Malleus:
What do you mean? You started courting him first. Very brave of you indeed child of man. He had even commented on it while you handed a piece of treasure!
That was... well, it was a cheap polished rock. It was well... shiny...?
It started very small. He accepted your gift and was expecting a bit more to be honest. Not even he was exactly sure how this courting would work out; he was prepared to be the one to pursue you!
Initially, he sat back and relaxed. Enjoyed the small sense of harmony you two already had and assumed you guys were dating.
Why would he not? He accepted your courting gift, he assumed their were more to come, the next step up to this would be marriage and he wasnât sure you were ready for that.
However, you noticed this. You were so confused. Heâd began to call you âbeloved.â Which was a 180.
When did you two� Huh??
Heâs also been more clingy. Not on the sense heâd follow you around but in the sense of a mountain of handwritten letters and the actual sense that heâs in your personal space when you two do hang out.
So⌠the two of you are just dating now? âBeloved, you havenât been responding to my letters. Did I do something?â
âOh, sorry I just havenât⌠quite finished all of them.â You glanced at a room that was empty at one time. Now it held a pile of letters.
This was an exaggeration, theyâre were a lot but not a whole room full⌠yet.
Extra??? Silver:
It started like most seedlings of love, with a dream. A simple one, you were sat beside him, the two of you quiet and happy in each others company. The birds sang as you hummed beside him. The boy was content, more so then he had been in his life.
Then, like it was second nature to both of you. You two shared a kiss, and then he woke up.
Usually, he tried not to lose himself to sleep. But tonight all he wanted was to go back to the dream world and hold you. As soon as the realization crossed his mind however, he woke up even more. Had he ever been this awake? âAm I in loveâŚ?â
He, not knowing what to do. Went to Lilia, whom was enthusiastic with this news.
You know when parents find out their four year old has a crush? Thatâs Lilia, except Silver isnât four. Every time they see you Lilia shoos Silver off too hang out with you. Sadly, with no prior love life to speak of, silver goes along with it.
Though he is embarrassed about it, he hides it well enough.
âDoes Lilia think you like me?â You asked all to happily once, hiding your own happiness behind a giggle at the absurd situation he found himself in.
âUh, yeahâŚâ heâd just smile at you, his head laying on the lunch table as he was about to go to sleep. he loved to see you laugh even if it was somewhat at his expense. However, Sleep tends to escape him when he was near you. Not that he didnât feel tired, but he didnât feel as tired. He couldnât feel angry about it, in fact he was happy about this. It was like you were some temporary cures for his illness.
Lilia would also insist that Silver gift you things. To show he can provide for you, the Silver hair male couldnât disagree. So, heâd find things that might fancy you.
His bird and squirrel friends also helped him in his venture to gain your affection. Often leaving flowers at your doorstep and small shiny things.
One day you saw the birds and Squirrels run up to your doorstep, one flower at a time, make a gorgeous bouquet.
You made sure to thank him and his animal friends after that.
In return you'd try and make things for him, find things around he or the animals would like. Nuts for squirrels, seeds for the birds, and a deep red rose you plucked from Heartslabyul during the end of an unbirthday party.
He stayed awake for longer than he ever had that night, staring up at the rose in the dark while his dormmate slept. A smile on his lips as he examined every detail of it.
Ace would call it cheesy. The relationship between the two of you was something out of a romance movie he'd say in a more teasing way. Something like, "Is it Tuesday or Wednesday he's going to chase after you to an airport?" and then roll his eyes. You tell Ace to shut up while looking away with a face as red as riddle's hair.
It was after a test, you pulled your test paper out of your bag ready to check your score after preparing for disappointment when a blue bird swopped down and took it!
You cursed and chased after the bird, rushing past students and looking crazy, eventually you ended up in the forest next to the school.
You were sure you looked ever crazier than you had been running in the school halls, because now you had leaves in your hair, and your shoes were all muddy now...
Eventually, the birds placed the test paper, face down on a certain boy's chest. "Silver... Are you asleep?" You smiled and knelt beside him, a small smile on your face. Rolling your eyes at the perpetually sleeping boy. You sat beside him for a moment taking a deep breath before you grabbed your test.
You almost preferred it this way, to have him here, even if he wasn't fully here. It helped your nerves somewhat. An even bigger smile graced your face as you turned the paper, and a large B was printed at the top.
Standing up, you gifted your friend a small kiss on his forehead and wandered off back to school.
Well, you were stopped by a small, sleepy voice. "Y/N...?"
___________________________
Note: It was this or clean my depression room... Anyway, I want to expand on Sebek's small scenario because I know if it was its own imagine I could make it really good.
Would ya'll enjoy that...?
ANYWAY, these small series is competed! (Unless...?) Thank you for reading them and thanks for reading the note. Not a lot of people do that. Myself included.
I have a hard time writing for Diasomnia...
#sebek zigvolt#sebek scenario#twst sebek#sebek twst#sebek x reader#sebek zigvolt X Reader#lilia vanrouge#twst lilia#twisted wonderland lilia#lilia x reader#lilia vanrouge x reader#Lilia scenario#Malleus X reader#twst malleus draconia#twst malleus x reader#malleus draconia#twst diasomnia#malleus X reader#twst malleus#twst headcanons#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader#twst fluff#Angst???
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