#if you read it all thank you for reading

[dragonpigeons]

Hey guys, I wrote two accounts of my time in hospital and after for anyone interested. The first is posted here. The second I will post separately.

Update: Link to Part 2 is here.

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Account I.

Hospital & After: The Physical & Medical Aspects of My Recovery

CW: bodily fluids, blood, needles, minor injuries.

》 Written with Twitter format in mind, edited for Tumblr.

i.

My family and I, we lived a normal existence. My mother was healthy. My father enjoyed a laid-back life but was otherwise healthy. My brother had lactose intolerance but was otherwise fit and healthy.

I had lived a normal life for the past three decades. I was regarded as fit and healthy. I liked to be active. I went for walks often. I ate a balanced diet. I got over illnesses normally. I had no allergies.

The symptoms began 2-3 years ago. More worries started to accumulate. There were more things to consider, more to do, and more to take responsibility for. And, damningly, what seemed like less time to have to deal with them all.

Everything was piling up in me physically. My body was hoarding all the things I wasn't facing and running away from. My body began to suffer under the weight of it all.

My body was slowly dying.

In May ‘24, my ankles started swelling. It built up quickly over the month and reached up my legs and hips. I finally went to my GP. She saw how serious it was via blood & urine tests. My results were off the charts. I was sent to the hospital right away.

At the hospital, they saw my blood count dropping. I had to have a blood transfusion. It helped my bloods somewhat, but I was still building up fluid and wasn't passing much urine. There was still something wrong with my body. I was still unwell.

They did more blood tests and found an antibody reading, which was also off the charts. The doctors told me I had SLE lupus nephritis. My own body was attacking my kidneys, which meant I couldn't pass urine and get rid of the fluid retention.

ii.

I was given a number of injections and IVs over the next few days. A boost to my low WBCs and neutrophils, prophylactic antibiotics, insulin to lower my potassium level, glucose to keep my blood sugars up, steroids to stabilise the lupus and stop the levels from rising higher.

Soon after, they put me on daily steroids in tablet form, along with a bunch of other pills - antibiotics, antifungal, antirheumatic, minerals, diuretics. They seemed to help keep my body stabilised. Though I did start getting side effects and symptoms.

I had insomnia and woke up often in the night. I also began having strange dreams. They felt like everything was submerged underwater. I couldn't understand what people were saying or doing. Also, my bowels were acting up, and I had to go to the toilet often.

All the while, my swelling continued to increase. I had to wait a few days to be transferred to another hospital. It became more difficult to stand and walk day by day. It was like moving with a bunch of clay wrapped around my feet and legs.

The only people I ended up talking to on a daily basis were my mother, who came to visit me every day with home cooked meals, and my brother via DMs. Everything just got too much, too fast. I had to make a lot of life-critical decisions in a short span of time.

Despite all that, I did find myself with time to think. I found myself thinking how crazy it was that my own body would choose to attack itself. I also found myself accepting that it did and what it meant.

Lupus was here to stay. Lupus would be my companion for life.

iii.

In the meantime, my kidney function dropped to 10%. I had a kidney biopsy done. The results were on the lighter side. There was no scarring but a lot of inflammation. The glomeruli were damaged quite severely, but they would be able to recover. My kidneys could heal.

Something interesting happened during all of this mayhem. I had small swollen lymph nodes for the past two years, which finally went away after the first antibiotic and steroid IVs. It was like the trash had been taken out. I felt I could think clearly for the first time in years.

One of the things I realised was that for nearly all my life, I had been caught up in the most trivial of things. Am I being ignored? Did I do something wrong? Do people even like my art? Does anyone actually like me?

I had used my energy on the wrong things. I came to realise, within the four white walls of my minimally-furnished ward room with a crappy plastic bed to sleep on, the more important things in life. Family. Friends. Community. Network.

The doctors proceeded to the next phase of my treatment. Though lupus had been stabilised by the steroids, my immune system needed to be suppressed in order to lower the levels.

Cyclophosphamide is a chemotherapy drug and, at standard doses, is the standard used to treat lupus patients. They explained the procedure and the risks. The first main risk was hemorrhagic cystitis. The second was infertility.

Since I didn't want children, it was a simpler decision for me to make. I had my first dose of the drug the next day. I didn't feel anything. The doctors told me it would kick in after 7-10 days.

Throughout the days, they continued to poke me like a pin cushion, checking my daily blood levels. My arms and hands were covered in bruises by the end. Some nurses were better than others. One had a shaky hand. I bled and bruised with them the most.

On my last day, the trend in my blood results showed improvement. My kidney function went from 10 to 14%. I was discharged that afternoon and waited for my meds. I chatted with an elderly man. I had chocolate biscuits. I was content.

iv.

My father picked me up and drove me back home. I took my first step out of the hospital after two weeks. Though it was summer, the weather greeted me with a cool, cloudy ambience. I opened my arms and welcomed it. I breathed in the fresh air. I smiled.

I was happy to be back in a comfortable bed and in the company of my family again. The environment was much better, more peaceful. I wasn't disturbed at odd hours of the night by nurses checking my vitals or giving me meds to eat.

My troubles weren't exactly over yet. I continued to have heart palpitations, and my swelling continued to increase over the next two days. I got worried that I would no longer be able to move. I feared I would have to be bed bound.

On the third day of being home, I finally felt myself getting lighter. I was passing more urine and going to the toilet more often. I gained 20kg+ since the start of the swelling. I went from 70+ down to 67 by day five.

On day six, things hit me like a truck. The chemotherapy drug had kicked in. My heart palpitations were hard and numerous. I grew exhausted. Even getting up to go to the toilet took so much out of me. I was down for the count for the following days.

I had to think about how to spend my energy each day. I prioritised eating, resting and going to the toilet. If I had an appointment, I'd try to prepare the day before. There were periods where I'd have more energy, and I'd make use of those.

Eventually, it did get easier as I learned how to manage my symptoms. Eat well, but don't overeat to reduce my palpitations. Eat fibre to keep the bowels moving. Drink fluids to keep hydrated. Rest often to conserve my energy.

v.

Since then, I've been getting better as the days go. It's been a rough and bumpy ride throughout. My symptoms and needs seem to change by the day. I have to adjust through trial and error.

Sometimes I get it wrong. Sometimes I get it right. Often, there's conflicting info on the Web. I have to take it all with a grain of salt (which is almost literally all I can have with my kidney injury) and find what works for me. I've learnt a lot. There's still more to learn.

Every day brings something new. I still get scared when something unwanted or unexpected happens. I still panic and rush to resolve the problem as if a meteor is about to hit the planet. I'm learning to just stop and do nothing. Calm myself. Observe.

I'm a high-strung person who tends to jump to the worst conclusions. I believe that with enough discipline and focus, I can change this for the better. It will take patience. It will take time. Something I thought I didn't have enough of. Now I know that I do.

There is time for everything. I just have to make it by cutting out the unnecessary and focusing on what truly matters.

Before, I squandered my time and energy. Now, I will spend them wisely as I recover and return to a new normality.

---

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

[noodles-and-tea]

Last part whoo!!!

PART 1 / PART 2 / PART 3 / PART 4

[stageturn]

(slides u a jon) got time for a draw this in your style?

use #stageturnDTIYS to participate :D

HAVE FUN!!!!! (closeups under the cut :3)

and here's the actual doodle of s1 Jon

[kuni-kuun]

and another mundane day

[clarisse-doodles]

inspired by this post, in which Damian does not know what Vine is

[nicktoonsunite]

misc NU doodles part tres

last comic is based off off my nasb 2 clip

[atissi]

cupids...ATTACK

[occudo]

An incomplete list of TMA fics I adore

-beacuse of this ask

(If you liked the fics I previously recommended/made fanart for, I think you'll gonna like these as well, but you know, read the tags, know what you are going into)

Yesterday is Here by CirrusGrey @cirrus-grey

Time Travel Fix-it! Slow burn! So good! So much sass from future!Jon- I doubt I have to introduce anyone this amazing author, but if you somehow missed them till now, this is your time! I highly recommend all of their other fics as well, for example one of a more recent one, The Stranger I Know Best is also a lovely read.

enthralling by Prim_the_Amazing @primtheamazing

Vampire!Martin!! I have no words of how much I love this concept, this story, everything about this. I think I'm going to repeat myself through this list, but I also recommend everything else they've written!

to fill... my heart with music? by godshaper @godshaper so their Martin and Jon design are different from mine, also they made a way better art for this- but still, I wanted to include this really good fic in this list.

Do It All Anew by inkfingers_mcgee or @crit20art

You know the feeling when you read a book that makes you cry, and after that you recommend it to your friend? Well- there is no reason I mentioned this, I'm just so normal about this fic. Or any other fic from inkfingers_mcgee... like Strange Manner of what I made another fanart way back. Also, check out their art!

Anyway, here is Aamal- she is not going to cause emotional damage.

And they were sidekicks (oh my god, they were sidekicks) by arthureameslove @arthureameslove

A lighthearted series where Jon and Martin are sidekicks of supervillains- it's just a really fun fic, also recommend everyting from this author - I previously draw fanart here for an other fic of theirs Like a Lighthouse, Call Me Home

neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor well by saintbleeding @saintbleeding

To quote the aurthour: "Post-divorce Jon and Martin in a wedding-based romcom" It's such a comfort read, also has a Tim/Sasha wedding, and lots of cameos! I realised most of these authors I made fanarts for before- like this one for some kind of miraculous bind, this one is oneshot and a bit more serious in tone.

Give Me the Words by rakel @rakel-on-ao3

"Jon and Martin try to make the most of a bad situation in the Scottish Highlands. The situation is worse than they realised." You know that one post about wanting to write PWP, but it keeps turning into character study? Well, this one comes to my mind each time I see that.

i wanna find a home (i wanna share it with you) by heartshapedguy @transgenderboobs

So what would have happened if instead of the cot (tm), Jon offered Martin his own flat to stay? There is no way it's going to change their relationship, right? Such a good read, if you want some fluff, I highly recommend it!

Lucky Stars by magnetarmadda @magnetarmadda

Martin has a lovely family (except his mother) but still, he needs a fake boyfriend, and Jon comes to the rescue. It's one of the first fics I remember reading after I finished the series. It is such a comfort read of mine~

(+enjoy a rare tall Jon from me)

There are so many more fics that also deserve the spotlight, these are just the ones I read multiple times and/or didn't made fanarts for before. If you find something here you like, give them some love! Kudos and comments! They deserve it. (Also, just an extra disclamier some of these are PWP or rated T- just mind the tags)

I tried to link and tag everything, I hope it works.

[cheesit-notes]

"s'fucking small"

lieutenant ghost who has a major size kink.

tags: MDNI!, size kink obvi, manhandling teehee, fem reader, fingering, you're put in a mating press, lowkey praise?

a/n: sorry for the late post, i went to hoyofest '23 and then tumblr went down for a bit but teehee take ghost and size kink (i want him to manhandle me)

ghost likes to hold things after you hold them just to see how big his hands look on it compared to yours. does the thing where he makes you hold his phone and later compares it to his cock. (when hard, he is most definitely over 7 inches and at least 5 inches in girth, you can't tell me he can act like this if his cock was any less)

loves manhandling you 'cause god, look at you! so small next to him. he absolutely adores your hand in his, just shows him how big he is compared to you.

when he has you pinned to the bed, legs spread out showing off your pretty little cunt to him, just him. god, and you're so wet, letting him slip in a finger in so easily. one hand holding yours down, your knees pressing against your chest as he pushes himself onto you. revels in the fact he can just engulf your entire body with his larger one.

slips a few fingers in and out, seeing you squirm around trying to rub on him trying to get any form of friction. teases you by rubbing your clit, just a little. then when he's had enough, he'll stand up and let you watch as he slowly takes off his belt and let his cock spring free.

an arm to support him, your knees now next to your head because of the position, and his cock lined up with your cunt. he'll ram it in with no time for you to adjust (he's so mean). gets him all riled up seeing a bulge in your stomach. he'll grunt out your name and little comments about how you're "s'fucking small" and how you're taking him in sooo good. he'll put you in a mating press. eventually, he's just panting and moaning your name as you squeeze around him with a death grip on your hips and thighs.

god you look so cute as he fucks your brains out.

[stil-lindigo]

warmth.

a comic about not being alone.

--

creative notes:

--

all my other comics

store

[cinnamoncatto]

Pose study + i tried out a new brush

[ministarfruit]

day 3: your life is mine ♡

(femslashfeb prompt list)

[wizard-laundry]

the text originally read "EGADS! DO MY EYES DECEIVE ME?"

[saragrosie]

Some really stupid season 3-4ish mag sketches plus obligatory crumpling Jon up into a ball (And also s1 Jon is there writing his gay little statements whatever).

I say s3-4 cuz Helen ya know here's another Helen under the cut my beloved they could never make me hate you. You are the not a who but the moment the icon the legend:

I'm sharing some more dumbass things I've drawn in another post cuz there are early season 5 references (I'm on MAG 169) so check that out if you're caught up to there if not begone no spoilers for you ok byeeeee

[beartitled]

So if Billy's parents became monsters, what happened to Billy's old Henchmaniacs?

The dudes found real jobs

Look at them go 🧑‍💼👷🧑‍⚕️