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samandcolbyownme · 9 months

Text

Summary: Anon request on tumblr - "love love love your work, some sam x colby x reader smut would be 10/10🙏🏼🙏🏼 no pressure & i have no preference for a plot so you can freestyle :)"

Plot: After an argument with the boyfriend, y/n winds up going to a party with her friends as a pick me up, and let's just say.. she definitely gets picked up.

Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, arguing, hurtful things being said, mentions of alcohol, reader getting tipsy, mentions of reader cheating on super toxic partner, threesome, unprotected sex, fingering, oral (all), hair pulling, biting, teasing, scratching, general filth

Disclaimer: I DO NOT CONDONE CHEATING and I apologize in advance to any Stephan's that may or may not read this.

Word count: 7.1k | not edited

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"Why the fuck are you yelling at me?" Your boyfriend yells back from the couch. You hold your ground, "Because that's the only fucking way I can get anything across to you, Stephan."

"You know that's a fucking lie. You can talk to me like a gen-"

You cut him off with a laugh, "I have tried that. Over. And over again, Stephan. But every time I try to talk about the littlest issue, you. Let me repeat that.. You make it into something bigger."

"Bullshit." He scoffs and shakes his head, "Maybe if you didn't have an issue every single day, then maybe I wouldn't get so annoyed."

"Annoyed?" You nod your head, "Alright." You head towards the steps and he stands up, "No.. wait.. y/n.. I di-"

"Don't." You glare at him, "I'll go be less annoying somewhere else."

"Come on, you're overreacting. You know I didn't mean it." He walks towards the steps and you stop halfway up, "I'm sorry that having a girlfriend with needs is a fucking inconvenience to you."

He stares up at you, "Now you're putting words into my mouth."

"It's what you're thinking, though. Right?" You take a step down, "Why don't you think about all the times I shrugged off seeing girls in your phone,. Or the time you got a text message while you were in the shower."

"Those didn't me- I never answered them." He stumbles over his words, "If you want my phone, take it."

You roll your eyes, "Please. Like that will fix that's happening right now."

"What's happening right now?" He questions, "Because right now it seems like you're completely losing it over something that shouldn't even matter."

"But it matters to me, Stephan. It fucking matters to me because with my brand that I'm trying to launch, I need everything to be fucking perfect. You should know that, you've only been with me for how long?"

"So you're pissed at me for a lipstick shade that was a lot pinker than it was supposed to be? Nice." He laughs and sighs, "That's fucking great. I'm getting shit on. Because of a thick liquid you put on your lips. Thats awesome."

"At least you know it was a lot pinker than it should have been." You mumble, turning to finish walking upstairs.

"Y/n."

"Y/n. Where are you going?"

You ignore him as you walk into your room, packing a backpack full of stuff. Stephan walks in and stops, "Where are you going?" He walks over, grabbing the strap of your bag, "Y/n. I said whe-"

"I'm going to go stay the night at Shannon's." You snap, stepping back, "If you really need an explanation, I'm going there because she's always been there for me through shit like this."

"Shit like this? So you're leaving me?" He huffs, "Great. That just fucking great."

"I didn't fucking say I was leaving you. I need a night away to cool down and only being around you will just continue to set me off because you piss me off so fucking much sometimes."

He chuckles and moves closer, "You piss me off, too." He grabs your face and tries to kiss you but you push yourself off of him, "Wh- no. We're not doing that."

"I thought that we were-"

You cut him off with a loud, "Oh my god. No." You sling your backpack onto your shoulder and walk over to grab your makeup bag.

Times like these are where you're super glad you haven't moved in with him yet.

You turn to him, "We can talk tomorrow when we're both not so irate with each other."

"Why can't you just go home?" He shakes his head, "I don't understand why you have to go to Shannon's house. Doesn't she have people over like all the time?"

"What does it matter?" You shrug and he scoffs, "I just.. I know how she is and I don't really need you around random men all night, fuck."

You raise your brows, "What the hell does that mean? You don't, need? You don't have a fucking leash on me, Stephan. I'm not a fucking dog." You walk to the door and he reaches out, "No, I'm sorry. That came out wrong."

"It doesn't matter how it came out. You said it. You obviously meant it. It just seems like you can't fucking trust me and I'm honestly starting to get sick of it." You run a hand through your hair, "You're so suffocating at times and I just.. it won't work if you mark down how I fucking breath."

"But I do trust you, and I don't fucking mark down how you breath. That fucking psycho path stalker shit.." His voice softens, "I'm sorry.. can we just- look I do trust you. I just don't trust other men around you."

You laugh, "Yeah. Sure fucking seems like you trust me. I can handle myself. I've been to enough events to know that." You sigh, "I'll just.. I'll talk to you tomorrow because I cannot keep doing this today."

You turn, forcing yourself to ignore his yelling as you make your way out of the house and to your car. You get in, tears immediately falling from your eyes as you call Shannon.

"Hey."

You sniffle, "C-can I come over?"

"Oh my god. Yes of course. What happened?" She asks with concern, "Did he hurt you?"

"No, no. We just got into it again and I told him I needed a night away. He flipped when I told him I was coming to your house. Insisted I just go home basically."

"yeah no. You can most definitely come here." She sighs, "I'm sorry. I know he's your boyfriend, but I genuinely cannot stand the way he treats you."

"I know.." you sigh, trying to calm yourself down as you drive to her house, "I just.. I might just turn my phone off when I get there. I told him I'd talk to him tomorrow so.."

"You know what you need?"

"What?" You rest your head back as you watch the light turn from red to green. She laughs slightly, "A good. Night out. My friend is throwing a party later on, but if you do-"

"Yeah. Yeah, let's do it."

"Yeah? Are you sure?" She asks and you nod to yourself, "Yeah. I need to get drunk and figure out what I want to do."

"Atta girl. Are you almost here?"

"Yeah, I'm pulling into the driveway now." You turn onto the stretch of concrete and drive up to the house, "I'm here."

"Okay. I'll come down." Shannon hangs up and you park, staring at your steering wheel. Your thoughts are racing a mile a minute.

Arguing with yourself about whether or not agreeing to go to this party was a bad idea or not.

A part of you felt guilty because of Stephan, but the other part, the part you knew was right, wanted to go so bad just to spite him.

He couldn't control you.

You were a successful person, with an another and new line of cosmetics coming out. You knew what was right. You just needed that little extra motivation to do it.

You wipe your face and get out, meeting Shannon at the front of your car. She wraps her arms around you, "I'm sorry."

"No. Don't be sorry." You sniffle and lean back, "I know what I need to do."

She nods, "Yeah?"

You laugh slightly, "Yeah. I just need a little help from this thing called.. alcohol."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

"I only grabbed my sweats and stuff. I never kept any nice things at his house." You sit on Shannon's bed and she points to her closet, "Take something of mine."

"Is there a theme?" You ask as you walk over to her closet.

"Just to look as hot as you possibly can." She laughs and you nod, "Well that won't be an issue, now will it?" You move her dresses over and tilt your head at one, "How's this?"

You hold up a solid ruched cami body con dress to your body, "I think this neon green color is gorgeous." Shannon nods quickly, "Oh hell yes. I'll the pink one."

She glances to your phone, "Your phones going off again." You roll your eyes, walking over to it, "Take a guess."

"Mm. Do I have to?" She sighs, "Want me to answer?"

You shake your head, "No. it fine." You press the green circle and put him on speaker, "Hello."

"So what? It takes five phone calls for you to finally answer?" Stephan says on the other end. You look at Shannon and she shakes her head.

You sigh, "Sorry. Shannon and I were caught up talking. I told you I needed space for a night."

"You could have at least told me you got there okay. Even though you left like you did I still fucking care."

You fight back your laughter and close your eyes, "No. you just like to know where I am all hours of the day."

"Hi Stephan." Shannon waves to the phone and he scoffs, completely ignoring her, "I just like to know that you're safe."

You mock him silently and Shannon covers her mouth to laugh.

"Well, since you must know everything.." you pause looking up at Shannon as you brace yourself for what's to come, "I'm going to a small birthday party with Shannon tonight. It's her cousin's party."

"What? Why do you have to go?" Stephan tries to keep his composure but both you and Shannon know he's about to lose it.

"Because Avery is my friend, too? Why wouldn't I go?" You sit down on the bed and pinch the bridge of your nose, "I grew up with her."

Stephan sighs, "Avery, right."

"I gotta get ready."

"What kind of party is it?" Stephan asks quickly, "Like is it a dinner or an all out rager."

You were getting annoyed, "A small dinner at some place across town. I don't know."

"How don't you know?"

"Because my day consisted of having a screaming match that fried my brain so the remembrance of a birthday party slipped my fucking mind. I gotta go get ready." You hang up before he has any chance to say anything else.

"Look at you go, girl." Shannon smirks and turns to finish curling her hair, "I'm glad you're finally understanding that he doesn't deserve you."

You nod, staring blankly at your phone that's lighting up with text messages, "Yeah.. it's really starting to show."

You take a deep breath, blinking away the tears as you stand up, "I'm so ready to get drunk."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

"This is someone's house!?" You look around, eyes moving up the palm trees that are wrapped in neon pink lights.

"Far from a little restaurant across town, right?" Shannon laughs and you nod, "oh yeah. Stephan will be pissed when he finds out."

"Sucks being lied to right." Shannon looks over at you and you nod, "Sure does." You smile and shake your hair out of your face as you walk through the doors.

Lights are flashing, the music is blasting, and you can tell that it's going to be a night that you hopefully remember.

"Alright. You need to stop thinking.. and start drinking." Shannon grabs your hand and pulls you over to the bar area.

Your eyes move over the bottles of alcohol arranged nicely. You feel someone bump into you and you turn around to find a very familiar blonde standing there pouring himself a drink.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to bump into ya." He smiles and looks up, "Or maybe I did." He shrugs and takes a sip of his drink, "I'm Sam."

You glance down at his extended hand, "As in, ghost hunter Sam?" You tilt your head with a smile as you lay your hand in his.

He nods as you look up at him, "That would be correct. Yes."

You couldn't lie, the glow of the pink neon lights made him even more attractive than you already found him.

"I guess I should tell you my name." You laugh slightly and take your drink from Shannon who wiggles her brows at you before walking off.

"I'm y/n."

He smiles, "It's a pleasure to meet you, y/n."

You can feel your phone vibrating in your purse and you sigh, "Excuse me for a second." You pull your phone out and sigh, "Sorry."

"Work call or something?" Sam leans against the counter and you take a sip of your drink, "Oh god no. More like boyfriend who doesn't understand what I need space means."

Sam takes notice as your phone lights up again, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry, but does he not want you here or something?"

You laugh and sigh, "It's kind of a long story, but we've been arguing all day and I made a decision that I need a little boost to go through with."

"You're breaking up with him?" Sam raises his brows and tilts his head, "I mean.. does he deserve it?"

You laugh, "I think so." You look up at Sam, "He's lied to me on multiple occasions and as of right now, well today.. my feelings basically annoy him." You raise your hand, "his words. Not mine."

"Oh yeah, no. He doesn't deserve someone like you." Sam shakes his head, eyes moving up and down your body, "You're way too beautiful to have someone who acts like that. He sounds totally insecure."

You nod, sipping more of your drink. Then it hits you, "Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. We just met and I just trauma dumped on you."

He smiles and lays his hand on your arm, "No worries at all." Sam smiles and nods, "I'm going to go find Colby, take him his drink." He picks up the other cup, "We'll see you later, hopefully?"

You nod, clicking the side button of your phone to silence it, "Hopefully." You smile at him, biting the rim or your solo cup as you watch him walk away.

Shannon runs up to you, "Oh my god. You know who that was right?"

You nod, kind of in shock, "Mhm." You look at her, "Sam Golbach, and he hopes to find me later." You smirk and grab her hand, "Let's dance."

You walk with her to the dance floor and suddenly all your problems dissipate.

You no longer feel your phone vibrating in your bag.

You no longer feel the heavy set anger that was settled in your body.

What you feel, is happiness. Hope that your life will get better away from Stephan.

You also feel eyes on you. You normally have eyes on you, considering you're famous in the makeup world, but these eyes, feel different - are different.

You look up, eyes meeting Sam's and you give him a smile. He raises his cup to you slightly, nodding as he bites his bottom lip.

You tap Shannon, "I'm going for another drink." She nods as she continues dancing, "Bring me one!" You nod, walking off of the dance floor and going to the alcohol corner.

You feel a presence walk up on you and you smile slighting thinking it's Sam, but you were wrong.

"Wow, Sam told me you were pretty, but he didn't say this pretty."

You turn, a smile growing on your face as you see Colby, "You must be the other ghost hunter." You laugh slightly as he nods, "Yep. That's me, Colby."

"Y/n." You hold your hand out and Colby takes it, "Nice to meet you, y/n."

They knew who you were, just like you knew who they were.

You sigh, "I'm sorry." You reach into your purse, pulling your phone out and shaking your head as the number of messages you're receiving, keeping going up.

"Everything okay?" Colby turns, leaning against the counter and you nod, "Yes. Well, no.. but it will be." You look up at him, "I don't know if Sam told you, but I kind of trauma dumped on him about my relationship."

"He filled me in. Definitely sounds like he can't fight." Colby chuckles and you raise your brows, "You're not far off with that." You laugh and look back down at your phone.

Stephan:

Where the hell are you? I know you're not at a restaurant across town.

Whose house are you at?

Seriously. Fucking call me.

Y/n. Just call me, please?

So you leave me to go what? Whore around at some big party?

"Apparently I left him to come whore around at some party." You roll your eyes, tossing your phone into your bag, "I just.." you laugh, shaking your head, "I'm not the one who has lied repeatedly. I've missed events because he didn't want me going."

"You deserve time away from yourself and you're a big girl, you can handle yourself." Colby's eyes scan up your body, "He just needs to understand that the way he treats you, will come back to bite him in the ass."

You nod, not really knowing what he means, but you agree, "I've tried telling him that before."

"Maybe.." Colby shrugs, "I don't know.. maybe he just needs a rude awakening.."

You tilt your head, looking up at him, "What do you mean by that?"

Colby chuckles and shakes his head, "We can talk about that later.. do you dance?" You smile, nodding before taking the last gulp of your drink, "Yes, please."

Colby grabs your hand, pulling you to the dance floor. His hands move to your waist as you move your body to the beat of the music.

Little did you know, Sam knew you guys hit it off straight away. He was giving you and Colby time to click.

"Sam isn't going to get mad is he?" You look up at Colby and he tilts his head, giving you a confused look, "Why would he?"

"I don't know.. he told me that he'd find me later and-"

Colby leans in, cutting you off, "Don't worry.. We know how to share, sweetheart."

Your heart skips a beat and that is when you realize what is happening.

And you loved it.

"Oh, I see." You smirk, turning around and his hands pull your ass against his crotch as you grind against him.

Your eyes move through the crowd, landing on Sam's. He smirks and sips his drink as he watches you dance with Colby.

"So.." you turn your head so Colby can hear you. He leans down as you continue talking, "Is this like a normal thing you do?"

Colby shakes his head, "Not even close." He chuckles, moving his head in so his lips are right by your ear, "You're just different, but in such a good way."

You bite your lip, turning around to face him, "Then why don't you go tell Sam to come have a turn."

Colby smirks, eyes scanning over your face as he nods, "I think I will." He squeezes your hips before walking away and Shannon turns around, "Oh fuck, there you are."

She points, "Was that Colby Brock?"

You nod, "Uh huh." You look over your shoulder, smiling when Sam walks up behind you, "And that's Sam."

Shannon smirks, knowing exactly what's going on, "All I'm going to say is.." she turns around, playfully grinding against you as she sings, "Go bad bitch, go bad bitch go."

You smile, turning around to face Sam, "Hey."

He smiles down at you, "You having a good time?" You nod, "The best time I've had in a long time." You wrap your arms around his neck, "But I should break up with my boyfriend, soon."

"Why's that?" He asks with a smirk.

You lean in, "Because I really.. wanna do this." You close the space between the two of you and Sam wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you close to him.

You lean back, smirking up at him as he smiles, "I mean.. you do whatever makes you happy."

You bite your lip, "if I keep doing that, won't that make Colby jealous?" You watch as Sam chuckles, "You'll just have to give him what you give me." He leans in, "Just as long as I can watch."

Wet. Your panties are wet.

"You can do anything you want." You turn around, ass presses against him as he holds you close. Colby is now watching like Sam was, a huge smile across his face that he uses his cup to cover.

Sam and Colby. Two men that you never thought you'd be going home with.

But here you are.

"Whenever you're ready to get out of here, let me know." Sam whispers and you nod, "I just have to go make a phone call, then we're good."

Sam nods, "we'll find you in a little bit then, yeah?"

You nod, "Please do."

Sam walks to Colby and you grab Shannon, "I'm calling Stephan." She nods and links her arm with yours as you walk off the floor.

You make your way outside and pull your phone from your purse, "Oh speak of the fucking devil."

Seeing his name has you instantly heated.

"Straight to the point, babes." Shannon rubs your arm, "I'll be here if you need me."

You answer with a stern, "Hello."

"Where the fuc- why haven't you answered me? Where the hell are you, y/n?" He huffs, "You fucking said you were going to Shannon's, then it was a small birthday party at some restaurant across town and now you're- is that music in the back? Where the fuck are you? Are you not going to answer me? Are we playing this stupid fucking game again?"

"If you would give me a fucking minute to answer instead of just screaming at me, maybe I'll tell you where I'm at." You sigh, shaking your head as you look up at the dark sky, "I'm at a birthday party with Shannon."

"Liar. You're a fucking liar. Charlie sent me screenshots of you with a group of people, so are you going to tell me who that blonde asshole is?"

You laugh, trying not to burst into tears and you turn around, "I genuinely can't do anything anymore, right?”

"You can do what you want, but I thought it was agreed on that you wouldn't party with random guys. Fuck you are literally so stupid when it comes to that."

You clench your fist, all the anger that subsided bubbling back up, "Fuck you. I am not fucking stupid with anything but choosing to stay with you when I should have left at the sign of who you really were. And also, fuck you for treating me like this. I am more than enough. You just continue to make me feel like I'm not. So just fuck you. I'm done."

You turn around, stunned to see Sam and Colby standing with Shannon.

"Oh, and since you asked about the blonde, do you want to know about the dark haired one, too?"

"You have to be fucking kidding me-"

You put him on speaker and all three of them move closer to you to listen, "You're out fucking cheating on me? That is really fucking pathetic. We have one argument and you run to the first dick you see. Nice. I should have known you were that much of a slut-"

Sam grabs the phone, "Yeah first dick that she ran to here, you honest to god need to shut the fuck up and realize that you're the fucking problem."

"no, no. Who the fuck is this?" Stephan laughs, "Of course she can't stick up for herself.”

"I believe she did when she told you that she was done. " Sam holds his ground, "You fucking lost someone good when you made her feel like she wasn't worth it. So that's your fucking loss buddy."

"I swear to god. I'll kick your fucking ass. You hear me? You fucking touch her and I will break every bone in your body you worthless dick." Stephan goes off but you laugh as Colby steps up, "Yeah, second dick she ran to tonight, if you wanna do that to him, you'll have to go through me and I know what you look like. I don't really think you want to risk attempting that."

"You don't know what I'm willing to risk, asshole. What are you guys going to tag team my girlfriend? She must fucking love being ran through. What a fucking whore." Stephan sighs, "Can I just talk to y/n? Please. Y/n. Baby. Please."

You shake your head, turning away from the phone, disgusted with how he can go from calling you horrible things to trying to be sweet.

Shannon steps up, taking the phone from Sam, "Sorry, but I believe you just got broken up with." She hits the red circle and move to hug you, "Are you okay?"

You rest your chin on her shoulder and your eyes move between Sam and Colby, "oh yeah. I'm good."

They smirk at each other and you lean back, "If it's okay, I think I'm just going to.." you subtly nod towards them and Shannon smirks, "As I said, go bad bitch, go bad bitch go."

She turns around, "Take care of her."

They both nod and you take a deep breath as you watch her walk away, "Thank you, for doing that."

"I wasn't going to let him talk to you that way. That was uncalled for on many, many levels." Sam shakes his head, "But at least you won't be cheating on your boyfriend anymore."

Colby chuckles, "Yeah, speaking of. I think you owe me a kiss."

You smirk and tilt your head, "After what just happened, I owe you guys a lot more than a kiss."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

The ride home was quiet as you thought about what just happened.

You were upset about the breakup, you were pretty proud of how you handled it.

You were just more or less thinking about what kind of trending hashtag you'd become on twitter, because if there's pictures of you and Sam, things are going to blow up.

"You alright?" Colby lays his hand on your knee and you look over at him, "Yeah." You laugh slightly, "just thinking.."

"About?" Colby asks but you now have the interests of Sam, too.

"Oh you know. What headlines our names are going to be attached to in the morning." You shrug, "Not that I care, don't get me wrong, I just don't want your names being drug down by whatever Stephan might say."

Sam rolls his eyes, "Please. I'm worth more than his house." He chuckles, "Plus. Who's to say that you didn't break up with him when you left earlier."

You chew on your lip, as you smirk and Colby leans in, tilting your chin up to look at him, "You are too good for him. You definitely dodged a bullet with that asshole."

Your eyes move from his eyes to his lips and you lean in, closing the space and giving him the kiss that you and Sam talked about.

Sam's eyes are fixated on you and Colby slowly making out, "Fuck." His voice is low and Colby leans back, "It's only fair, brother. I got to watch you kiss her."

Sam smirks, sighing as he shakes his head, "No.. I meant that in a good way."

The adrenaline coursing through your veins made you feel like you were buzzing. You were fully aware of what was happening and you were living for it.

Although it wasn't an ethical way of getting over a breakup, you can now admit that you were mentally out of that relationship for weeks.

"We're here." Sam opens the door, walking around to open your door as Colby gets out. You smile, taking his hand as you slide out, "Thank you."

"Alright." Colby shuts his door and nods towards their house, "Let's go have some fun, yeah?"

"Let's do it." Sam leads you up to the door as Colby unlocks it and they both motion for you to go first. You walk in, looking around at their house before you feel hands on your waist.

You look over your shoulder and Sam has his chin rested on your shoulder, "You sure you wanna do this?"

You turn your body, chest against his as your arms slip around his neck, "you have no idea how much I want to do this."

He smirks and nods, "Alright. Follow me." He slides his hand down your arm, interlocking his fingers with yours as he guides you up the stairs.

Your heart was racing, you were kind of anxious because you've never had any kind of sexual relations with two guys at one time.

You didn't know what to expect.

"So what do you want me to do?" You sit on the bed as instructed and they look at each before Colby walks over to you. He kneels down between your knees and gently places his hands on your thigh, "We want you.." his fingers move to the inside of your thighs, "To just lay back, and let us please you."

You bite your lip, nodding slowly as you look up at him, "Okay."

"So go on. Lay back for me sweetheart." Colby grips the end of your dress as you lay back and he pushes it up, "You're so wet."

You lift your hips, pulling your dress up to your hips. You wanted him to touch you. You wanted both of them to touch you.

Colby hooks his fingers into the band of your panties, pulling them down your legs, "The moment I saw you, I couldn't stop thinking of how good you'd taste."

You look down at him, watching as he pushes your legs open and up. You watch in anticipation as he kisses up and down your thighs, whimpering as he bites and sucks tiny marks on to your skin.

"Don't tease her too much, Colbs." Sam chuckles slightly from off to the side, "I think she's been through enough."

You look over at him, only to have your eyes flutter closed as you feel Colby's tongue slips between your folds.

Your hand moves down to lay on his head as you gasp out a slightly loud, "Fuck."

"That's it baby, tell him how good it feels." Sam pulls his lip between his teeth, tilting his head as he watching your body jolt with each nip to your clit.

Your fingers lace in Colby's hair, tugging as your back arches off the bed, "Fuck, yes." You throw your head forward, watching him.

He grips your hips, pulling you close to him and he throws your leg over his shoulder. Your eyes squeeze shut, allowing yourself to be consumed by the pleasure.

You feel the bed dip down by your head and you open your eyes, seeing Sam above you. He runs his hand through your hair, watching your face twist with pleasure.

Colby drops a hand down, sliding two fingers into you. His tongue works your clit as his fingers slip in and out of you, curling at the right moments.

Sam reaches forward, pushing down the top of your dress to reveal your boobs. His hand moves up, giving each boob a slight squeeze before toying with your nipple.

Your eyes roll back, moans leaving your lips in a constant string, "S-so close."

Sam leans down, lips connecting with yours. You reach up with your other hand, lacing those fingers through Sam's hair.

He groans lowly as you pull, leaning back slightly to turn his head so he can watch Colby.

Your hips buck slightly and you dig your foot into his back, "gonna cum." You whimper out, moaning loudly as your back leaves the bed again, "Oh shit."

You clench around Colby's fingers, moaning as he gets you to cum. He pulls his fingers out as you look down at him panting.

He looks up at you with a smirk, "I was right."

You smirk at him, resting your head back to look up at Sam, "I guess it's your turn?" Sam smiles and nods, "I guess it is." He stands up, taking off his shirt before laying down, "Come here, babe."

You get up, moving to sit next to him. He lays a hand on your thigh, "Come on." You bit your lip as you swing your leg over his body, hovering over his face. He pulls you down and his tongue goes to work.

Your fingers tangle in his hair as your head falls back, mouth open as you moan, "Fuck. Fuck." You turn your head, looking at Colby who is slowly unbuttoning his shirt, eyes on you. You reach a hand out, indicating that you want him to come closer.

He smirks as he shrugs his shirt off, making his way over to you. He rests on his knees, watching as your hand moves down his chest and torso, stopping at the top of his pants. He slides a hand up your back, holding you up as Sam works on bringing you to your second orgasm, "That feel good?"

You nod, "Uh huh." Your eyes squeeze shut as you slip your fingers into the band of his pants. He licks his lips, reaching down with his free hand to undo his belt, giving you more room to slip your hand in.

He groans lowly as you palm him through his boxers, bucking his hips at the feeling of needing more, "Fuck." He slides his hand around, pressing his thumb to your bottom lip, "Bet this pretty little mouth does a good job."

He watches as you open your mouth, taking his thumb gently between your teeth. Your lips wrap around it and suck, popping off with a smile, "Find out."

He chuckles and nods, "Don't worry, sweetheart, I will."

You look down at Sam, whimpering as you grind your hips, "S-shit." You gasp, squeezing your thighs shut slightly, "F-fuck, fuck."

Sam’s hands grip your hips before he tilts his head back, letting out a pleased sigh. You move off of him and turn to Colby, seeing as you’re just going back and forth with them.

But you’re definitely not complaining.

You slide your hands down, undoing his pants. He stares down at you, watching as you tug his dress pants down.

You slide your hands up his thighs, dragging them gently over his bulge before slipping your fingers into the band of his boxers. You pull them down, looking up at him.

He glances at Sam, nodding before stepping down off the bed. You pout slightly and he grips your chin, “Don’t worry. I think you’ll like what’s about to happen.”

He winks and kicks them off before stepping to the bed again, “As you were.” He smirks and you lean down, wrapping a hand around his cock. You lick your lips before leaning in to take the head of his in between them.

You slowly work on taking him in, swirling your tongue as you bob your head to get him wet enough.

You tilt your head, closing your eyes as you moan to the feeling of Sam pushing his cock into you.

Sam’s hands grip your hips, pulling you back to meet his as he thrusts all the way into you.

“Told you you’d like it.” Colby chuckles and lays a hand on your head. You take his cock back into your mouth, moaning around him as Sam starts to slowly thrust in and out.

“Fuck, yeah just like that.” Colby tangles his fingers into your hair, moaning lowly as he watches Sam behind you.

Your eyes roll back and close as you work on getting Colby into your throat. He gasps, “Shit. That a girl, baby.”

Sam groans, “Fuck, you feel so good, y/n.”

You pull off with a gasp as you throw your hips back, “Fuck, fuck.” Your nails dig into Colby’s thigh as you use your other hand to hold you up, “D-don’t stop, Sam..” you moan, “Please.”

Sam grips your hips tighter, keeping the same pace of his thrusts, “C’mon baby. Cum for me.”

You stroke Colby’s cock, slowly as you clench around Sam. You feel that familiar build up and snap, falling forward as Sam fucks you through your high.

Your lips meet the head of Colby’s cock, moaning round him as you take him back in.

Sam pulls out, same as Colby, and they switch spots.

You look up at Sam with a weak smile and he brushes hair from your face, “Taking us so good, baby.” He runs his fingers over your cheek and you close your eyes as Colby slowly slips his cock into you.

You let out a moan, gripping the sheets because the pleasure is about to be overstimulating.

“Are we making you feel good?” Sam bites his lip as you wrap a hand around his cock. You nod, whimpering as Colby starts to thrust, “u-uh huh.”

“Good. Good.” He tilts your chin up to look at him, “You deserve it.” He moves his hand, allowing you to take his cock between your lips.

You flick your tongue over the tip, moaning as Colby’s thrusts aren’t as sweet as Sam’s were.

You work on taking him in, coating him in your saliva as you shut your eyes. You pull off, gasping out, “Sh-it.”

“Cum one more time, baby.” Sam rubs your cheek with his thumb, “with us.”

You nod, leaning forward to take his cock back into your mouth. You moan around him, causing him to gasp and buck his hips.

You push your head down, taking him in fully. He lays a hand on your head, holding it there until you move it back up.

Colby groans, “Fuck, where do you want me to cum?”

You tilt your head back, moaning out as he continues to thrust, “On me.”

Sam watches as you go back to trying to get him off. You reach up, stroking what isn’t in your mouth. He groan, “Fuck, that feels so good.”

Sam grips your hair, pulling slightly as his hips jolt forward, “Almost there, baby. Fuck, keep going.” You continue to bob your head and twist your hand, moaning as you feel Colby pull out, his cum coating your lower back.

Sam moves his hips back, taking his cock into his own hand as he strokes, getting himself to coat your face with his cum.

You collapse on the bed, breathing heavy as the tiredness from everything sets in.

“Here, y/n.” Colby bends down, wiping off your face before standing up to wipe off your back.

“Thank you.” You smile, looking up at him. He bends down, brushing hair from your face, “Sam went to get you clothes. Do you need anything else?”

“Maybe some water.”

He smiles and kisses your head, “I’ll be right back.” You roll over onto your back, slowly sitting up as Sam comes into the room, “I brought you a shirt and pair of sweats or shorts, I didn’t know what you wanted so I brought both.”

You smile, working on sliding your dress down your body, “I hope I didn’t get anything on this. This isn’t my dress.”

Sam chuckles as he hands you the shirt, “We can always wash it for you.”

“Hey, y/n. Your phone was blowing up, I figured I’d bring it up to you.” Colby hands you your phone and you sigh, “Yeah, it’s my ex. He can’t handle the fact that he’s an ex.”

“No, I don’t think he can handle being dumped by y/n y/l/n.” Sam chuckles as he sits next to you, tying the string to his sweats.

“So.. I have to ask.” You toss your phone down, “Was this just a..” you look up at him, “One time thing.. or..” you immediately regretted asking that.

You didn’t want to sound desperate, or anything for that matter.

They shrug and look at each other, “I mean..” Colby starts, “I don’t want it to just be a one time thing..”

“Yeah, I..” Sam chuckles, “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for slide into those DM’s of yours.”

You laugh and raise your brows, “No I know what you mean.”

“No way.” Sam gasps, “You were going to slide into mine?”

“Well if you didn’t answer, I was going to slide into Colby’s next.” You joke with a laugh, “I’m kidding.” They laugh and Colby sits down, “We both were fans of you, mainly because of how you are. You’re a successful, powerful woman and that just..” he sighs and shakes his head.

“Gets us going.” Sam picks up, “We’re honestly just amazed by you, and you deserve someone, or you know.. two very handsome ghost hunters to show you that.”

You smile and cover your face, “Oh my gosh.” You look up, “That’s honestly so sweet.. sorry I’m just.. in a little bit of shock still.. I just never pinned myself being in a thruple with Sam and Colby.”

“Well, believe it, baby.” Colby smirks, “Because if you want, you’re our girl, now.”

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

Thank you all for reading and being so patient as I work on getting these out. I truly appreciate all the love and support I have received and will continue to receive!

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated! 🖤

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st0rmyskies · 1 year

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i have a dilemma......does linkshipping count as proshipping you think??? because i definitely don't support other problematic stuff like pedophilia or incest or whatever but someone told me that linkshipping was still proshipping so now i'm confused...what do you think stormy?

I'm gonna be honest with you, anon. I'm a little too old to know or to care what the proshipping label even means in fandom. Posts about it circulate on my dash now and again. Others have made arguments both for and against shipping, and those soliloquies often seem rather long-winded and impassioned, so I tend to ignore them.

You know the things that keep me up at night? The military coup/mutiny in Russia and what that means to the geopolitical ecosystem. The fact that climate change threatens to cause the next major global extinction event, and that the large corporations responsible for the lion's share of the damage will never be held responsible. The rapid erosion of women's reproductive rights and autonomy in my country. The income-to-debt ratio in my field, mental health and wellness, planning for my future and my family, contemplating business ownership, the list goes on.

These are the things that make me feel anxious, and helpless, and small. I have so many more pressing, more impactful things to devote my mental energy to that "proshipping" isn't even a fucking blip on my radar.

My general philosophy is pretty simple: What I devote my increasingly dwindling downtime to is my business and no one else's. I couldn't give less of a shit what the anonymous masses at large think of me. I know what I enjoy, I know what I support, and I know those things that I don't support. It sounds like you know that about yourself, too. Especially in this case, A does not equal B or C, and anyone trying to argue that is trying to control what you do. You need to ask yourself why they're trying to do that.

I don't owe anyone an explanation for anything that I do, and neither do you. That person can take their baseless assumptions and shove 'em.

#stormy asks #morning coffee thoughts #happy Sunday bitches

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raccoon-in-a-dumpster · 19 days

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I am in the editing stage for The Big Breakdown Of The 33 Paragraph Essay Ask, but here's the short version:

I think they mostly wanted to try to explain their stance one more time. This is my best attempt at a short breakdown, without bias. The only reason I’m trying to keep my bias out is because I think it’s better to try to extract the core of the essay in the purest essence possible when trying to explain someone else’s point. Ik I’ve said some variation of that already but I want to say it again.

The main points are:

An attempt to reiterate what they believe ‘proship’ means, and why they think your version is…lacking?? Illogical?? Secret Third (But Similar) Option? Or just straight-up wrong. Somewhere in there.

An attempt to convey that they understand why you won’t believe them.

I gotta say tho, the way they actually went into that (further than just an ‘I Get It’) being so close to how I put earlier it is. Unsettling. As I’m typing this out, I don’t honestly remember if I got to that point in the Thirty-Three Theses* yet when I said something about it. If yes, it was probably just fresh in my brain. Either way every time i read it again I feel like someone i don’t know just briefly glanced through the mirror at me.

Their third point is basically “I’m afraid that if it’s okay to harass pedophiles, then queer people will be harassed under the pretense of us all being pedophiles just because homophobic/transphobic/etc dickheads want us to leave. So that’s why I’ve decided I’m Proship.” with a very dramatic lead-up that implies concern for you, + a moment of ‘btw I don’t support that stuff myself. For the record.’

There is a reminder of that one time an anon accused you of pedophilia. I do, actually, remember that, because I remember wondering if the anon just heard that you were trans and suddenly saw red. I couldn’t think of any other reason to call a minor a pedophile, unless they just wanted to upset you for no reason? Idk. anyways.

There is also expressed concern for people who aren’t necessarily queer, but people who are writing about pedophilic/incestuous relationships who either don’t know any better, are trying to deal with their own trauma through writing, or adults who aren’t writing anything like that but it’s For or About kids and People Will Call It’s Sus.

Still, their main concern seems to be queer people.

Long-winded explanation of why they won’t come off anon, which boils down to ‘i am not going to get harassed because i do not need that damage to my mental health’

I don’t know why they worded the last few blocks like a mysterious warning. I think it and the war drums comment are probably because they got weirdly dramatic and self-righteous about it? Idk. Either way they’re expressing concern for you (whether real or fabricated, who knows), with the implication that they think you’re being used/manipulated. Or that they think you could easily be used/manipulated? One of the two.

I have no idea if any of this is performative, or if it’s entirely sincere. The last bit is kind of insulting to you, even if it’s indirect. But what I’m hearing there is “you are voting for the Face-Eating Leopards Party, who promise to only eat the faces of Bad People, but you don’t realize that they can and will easily pin the ‘Bad People’ label on you and your demographic.”

Also, regarding their definition of proship: It’s less about what you ship and how you treat other people for shipping things, whether you like the ship or not.

So by their definition, even if someone did ship something like, idk, Dreammare (most common icky ship that I hear of), they’re not necessarily proship. If they believe that people shouldn’t be harassed over what they ship, and also stick to that and aren’t a fucking hypocrite, then they’re proship. Whether or not the ship in question is pedophilic, abusive, toxic, pretty average, or pure wholesome fluff has no bearing on it.

I go more into that in the Big Breakdown.

I'm going to have to go places in a moment or two, but when I get back I should be able to finish my editing.

...At least, in the google doc. I'm debating whether tumblr would have better formatting and if I should make it a tumblr post instead of sending a link to the google doc, but if I did then I'd have to fuck with the images, and change some of the OTHER formatting because tumblr doesn't do underline for non-links.......

Either way, send me a message or something if you decide you want to see the whole thing. We're at 7525 words, which includes the essay from Proship Anon themself. most of it's me though

My “Thirty-Three Theses” comment is a reference to the Ninety-Five Theses that made Protestantism a thing. I only reference it because that’s a lot of fucking theses, and they were nailed to the door of the church that the author was bitching about and I think that’s funny. Otherwise it’s entirely irrelevant. I just wanted to share the joke.

7525 WORDS??? JEESSUS CHRIST MAN

but yeah the whole "anon calling me a tranny pedophile" was actually cause they were originally harassing my older brother for being a "tranny pedophile" (they did call BOTH of us trannies so.) despite the fact we're both minors, and also "what're you doing at the devil's sacrament" shit of "see you on Einstein's (epstien's) island"

but like... jesus. you're doing god's work ong.

and like. honestly. i do not give a shit about what someone draws/writes to cope with stuff, that's not my business, yk? my stance on that is that you. should not post it online. keep it between you and your therapist or whatever

#raccoon rambles #asks :3 #you are doing so much dude... high fiving you and also asking if you're okay

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inscrutable-shadow · 1 year

Text

Mediwhump May Day 3 - Seizure

@mediwhumpmay

This is canon-compatible with Five Card Draw and therefore does not have any AU markers. The 'Suit Booster' drug is more explained in unposted sections of that manuscript but basically, it's a performance enhancer that the Suits can take when they've pushed their bodies as far as they can and still need more, it removes the pain and fatigue temporarily and kickstarts their regeneration factor.. Jack helps the Doc with testing because he forgives easily and the promise of food is enough to get him to at least consider pretty much anything.

“So, Doc, what are we testing today?” Jack’s feet barely brushed the floor as he kicked them gently. They should really get the Doc some new equipment in here; a guy’s feet were definitely not supposed to reach the floor when he was sitting on an exam table, and he wasn’t even the tallest person in the Deck.

The Doctor was in a good mood, as was typical on a testing day, their smile real and their glasses on, which meant they were actually trying to be able to see him. “This is another drug trial. The formulation is not overly different from the previous test, so I will mainly be looking at the efficacy of the-“

Jack yawned loudly. “I’ll be honest with you, Doc, I just got off of a triple, so if we could skip the long-winded explanations, I’d really appreciate it.” He leaned back heavily on the reclined table, half-wishing he could go to sleep right there. Why did they have to call for him now, of all times?

The Doctor, of course, had the answer to that question. “That is actually why I asked you here today. My hope is that this new iteration of the ‘Suit Booster’ drug, as you insist upon calling it, will activate more quickly, remain effective longer, and have less of a rebound effect. Your fatigue is vital to the experiment.”

Sure. Whatever. Jack couldn’t bring himself to sweat the details. The sooner he did what the Doc wanted, the sooner he could be in his bathtub and then his bed. “Cool. So I take it like a normal booster?”

“Yes!” They handed him a palm-sized capsule of dark purple gel. “Just rate the change in your fatigue level and the monitors will do the rest.”

“Aren’t these usually blue?” he asked before sucking down the liquid. The texture was like drinking yogurt, not unpleasant, but also not grape-flavoured like his brain was telling him it should be.

The Doctor shrugged. “Would you prefer another colour? The blue dye was added at the Queen of Diamonds’ request when I was developing the original formula. She thought the four of you would prefer it to dark yellow.”

Well, she’d been right. Jack couldn’t think of many things worse than sucking down a tube of viscous piss-coloured fluid when he was already at his limit. He’d take any colour but that. And any taste in his mouth other than the suddenly overpowering grape flavouring. “Mother’s veil, Doc, that grape stuff comes on strong. It’s giving me a headache.” the lights were too bright suddenly, and he shielded his eyes with his hand.

The Doctor’s brow furrowed, and they set a hand on his shoulder in concern. “Jack... I haven’t added grape flavouring to the formula. I have not added any flavouring. Are you sure you’re- where in the blazes are you going?”

Jack’s head had snapped up and he was already halfway to the door before the Doctor’s hold on his arm stopped him. “Something’s here. Something’s coming.” His instincts had been honed by fifty years of being the Jack of Clubs, and he never doubted them anymore. The feeling of unease usually wouldn’t be this strong or come on this quickly. He felt close to a panic attack and nothing had happened to cause one of those. He realised that his breathing had become erratic, was vaguely aware of the Doctor calling his name, and then a sensation like falling off of a cliff before darkness.

When he became aware again, the first thing he noticed was how badly his head hurt. If this was what a migraine felt like, he had much more sympathy for Queen now. It was the sort of headache that made him feel like removing his jaw might help more than it would hurt. The next thing he noticed was that he’d been put into the recovery position. That was nice of whoever had done that. Was he on the floor? He guessed he must be. It wasn’t as dusty as he would have expected. Did the Doc spend all of their time in here cleaning?

Oh! The Doc! they must be worried sick if he’d passed out. He forced his eyes open a bit further. There they were, sitting on the floor next to him, uncharacteristically attentive. “Wha’ ‘appened…” His voice sounded strange…

They sighed in relief. “Welcome back. How much do you remember?”

Jack swallowed thickly. His mouth was so dry. How long had he been out? “Not much. We were... testing something, right?”

“Mhm. You had a temporal focal followed by a generalised tonic-clonic seizure, and, rather impressive one too, I might add. Not one of the anticipated side effects. I apologise, I rarely make such a severe medical error…” Their expression was neutral, but he could tell that they were furious with themselves.

“Not your fault, Doc. My head hurts…”

“I will be the judge of that. And yes, that is a standard after effect. You must be exhausted. I would like to keep you overnight for observation, if you feel up to getting up off of the floor.”

Jack did not, in fact, feel up to that. He’d much rather go to sleep right here. The last thing he heard was the Doctor’s “Hell’s teeth...” of affectionate consternation. Taglist: @youareshauni @arieadil @i-eat-worlds

#whump #my writing #original fiction #mediwhumpmay #whumpblr #wip: five card draw #jack of clubs #the doctor five card draw #jack doesn't really have much of a pov while he's seizing but yanno #the doc loves him so they'll carry him to the infirmary bed even if it throws their back out #they'll complain the whole time though #coy writes

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ablednt · 3 years

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Hi!!! I hope it's alright to ask you this, if not then please feel free to ignore this, but I've got a genuine system related question.

Can a system exist without amnesia between alters? For example, in the sense of waking up one day and feeling like a completely different person, but still remembering the previous day even if it feels a bit foggy/ as if you were watching it from another persons perspective? Or just going through your day but it's like someone else is controlling your body and you're just watching it all happen? There's never any big time loss, at least as far as I'm aware, so I've been wondering if that's something that can happen or not

Yes, absolutely!

This is actually (mostly) our experience, and I'll talk about that in a minute but first I want to reiterate something/pos. Short of something that breaks the laws of physics (i.e systems shapeshifting their physical/external body, having superhuman abilities externally, etc.) then your answer of "Can systems exist like this" is going to be yes. I believe the most fundemental thing about systems existence is its the brains conceptualization of how multiple sentient entities in one single body could function.

Because of this, culture, upbringing, and the experiences a system has in their external life will all effect and impact the way that their system exists. This also means that while systems with similar backgrounds and experiences may experience a lot of the same things, a system is an extension of one's brain and no two brains will ever be exactly the same.

This is so important to remember to combat the rampant fakeclaiming in this community and also to grapple with the denial and doubts inherent to existing in a way that is not validated by the majority of society. If you experience it then it's a real experience and it's up to you to define it. You're valid and the things you experience are real, if you've found labels that help you describe that experience then you're in the right place, if you need to keep looking you're not faking or lying you're trying to explain things that language barely supports.

(adding a read more to talk about my experiences with amnesia as it's very relevant, but is very lengthy)

But on to your specific question, that's actually really common! Even systems that do experience amnesia don't often experience it in a way that is obvious before they start learning what signs to look for. Almost all of our childhood is missing, when we really examine how much we remember. But it doesn't feel like it's missing, because we remember the things that were mentioned/talked about often, we remembered the basic information that we needed to keep a coherent narrative going.

We have no idea what many of our experiences were, because many of them are repressed trauma, and also because many of them weren't worth actively remembering, you can only repeat the same mundane events so many times before they blur together and while that is a form of amnesia it is a very subtle one. I couldn't tell you the different meals I've had this week, but that kind of amnesia is normal to most human beings and not so distressing as not remembering what happened to give me OCD when we were seven.

I came into existence and became the main fronter or quote on quote host of this system in the beginning of 2016. We didn't know we were plural back then so I just, woke up, and I knew the body's name. I knew the event that had caused the one before me to go missing (presumably dormant somewhere inside us, maybe gone forever, we have no idea to this day). I didn't really think anything was different than usual, I was a different person but it's not like that's easy to figure out when you've never heard it's possible, you know?

The whole thing is kind of a blur for me now, I don't remember the exact events because they were traumatic and I tried not to think about them so they wound up repressed just as much as memories that weren't mine but I remember I felt like a burden had been lifted, like I was coming at the situation with a fresh and more detached perspective (had no idea how right I was about it) and I was able to act far too calmly for the horrible situation we were in at the time. This didn't last, and the trauma and other traumas definitely caught up to me but not once did I ever notice how much of my life was just caught in a haze.

Coincidentally, I had realized I was a different person as people who had been there before, but I thought this was metaphorical and just the way I felt because of my trauma. I remember once when I was venting to a random discord server I was in I kept saying like, "I feel like the person who experienced this trauma died, I feel like I replaced her and I won't ever get her back." and I was promptly told this feeling was just depression. (Coincidentally, a lot of systems get told by singlets what they're experiencing is just depression or anxiety, despite them looking entirely different.)

Amnesia, even full amnesia, rarely feels obvious. Sometimes you start to pick up on the fact that you've forgotten something, and it becomes very distressing because it's this sense of grief at something you're losing. In fact I think a bigger sign of amnesia is how closely you cling to things. We've always been the kind of person who wanted to take so many photos, and screenshot everything, and document everything. Even if it was something we hated or that made us upset we wanted to remember it, we were so scared of losing anything due to what we assumed was a normal forgetfulness. Eventually, after we realized we were a system and started having to come to terms with this sort of thing, we started to relax about this sort of thing.

We've kind of come to this place now where we've accepted that there's a lot we'll never remember about this body's life, about hosts who controlled the body before us, and there's a lot we just can't keep track of. But that's okay, what's happening right now, and what will happen in the future are what really matters. It's ok to cling to the past, it's okay to want to know this stuff, but it's also not a necessity. Even if you're not who was here before, you're here now and that's enough, that matters just as much.

But even if you don't experience that at all, if you remember you're childhood quite well, you can still have emotional amnesia. Emotional amnesia is something experienced both by dissociative systems and systems who do not dissociate, it's a natural part of having multiple people in one body. If something didn't happen to you, it happened to another person in your system, even if your brain gives you that memory (we call them common memories to differentiate) then you may know the events that happened, you may be able to visualize it even (although our visualizations tend to be less accurate and more in 3rd person, taking creative liberties to get the information of what happened across visually) but there's an emotional distance and a sort of blurriness there. These things happened and you know it happened but it doesn't feel like your memory, it feels more like recalling something you read or watched a fictional character do.

Then, that sense of "I was there for this, but I wasn't in control, somebody else made these choices" comes from being co-conscious during an event but not in control of the body. This means you're able to pickup the body's visuals and senses but you couldn't move or speak, you could only watch as someone else does those things with or without your influence.

A similar experience that can happen is blurring, this is when the lines of who is who become very obscure. You aren't yourself, but you're not not yourself either. To use a bit of a controversial example that many people used before cringe culture started really wearing down on the plural community is Steven Universe's idea of fusion. You're both people at once, kind of mixed together non-permenantly. You don't know who exactly is thinking what thought or doing what action, and this can both be pleasant or distressing depending on the context. We're blurring right now, as I'm thinking this, the sense of voice in my head is a mix of Audit's, Verdict's, and probably a few others. I (Audit) am not the one moving the body's hands to type this, but I am still in control enough that I can feel the keys pressing against our fingers. I didn't notice we were blurring until just now because it happens often when we focus.

This usually happens (if not due to dissociation, which is another common cause) when the brain needs to focus on a task or is putting under stress and needs to consolidate the effort it usually spends on keeping everyone separated. For some systems, usually self described as median systems, this blurry state is one they feel all of the time.

(median is a plural-spectrum experience that is between singlet and multiple. They do have two or more sentient entities but they don't feel fully separated to some degree or another. A common experience is feeling like different "modes" of the same person. To use another media example, this is similar to how, when the character Adora from the recent She Ra reboot is transformed into She Ra, she has different emotions, reactions, and goals. She is, for all intent and purpose, a different person. Everyone subconsciously acknowledges this, and Adora herself talks about She Ra as if she is her own person, however She Ra cannot exist without Adora.)

Most sincerely, I doubt any plural person hasn't or won't at some point experience blurring, simply because the human brain cannot juggle multiple people while also functioning well in a singlet society and because when you all share a brain full individuality isn't really a possibility. However, I cannot make a generalization like that for certain because like I said at the start of this, every brain is different.

#this got so long I'm so sorry aaaa #if you need a less long winded explanation of this stuff I can definitely try and sum it up #I got really carried away haiodfugdg #plural FAQ

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phantasmiafxndom · 2 years

Note

for the abo au, what’s are all the boys dynamics? if you haven’t answered that already djdjdj

The A/b/o Au isn't "official" yet, so I haven't done anything for it! o3o And while these are my immediate opinions, I'm perfectly welcome to changing things up for the sake of requests.

Here's an explanation of my A/b/o stuff too~

. . .

Riddle — Omega: Stuffy, particular, and hates being looked down on for his dynamic. Not afraid to stand up for himself, but is definitely overcompensating for how badly he wants to be babied. Actively stuffs down his instincts for the sake of dignity and being "proper".

Ace — Alpha: The living definition of "dumbass Alpha". Thinks he's tough because of his dynamic, is actually an utter idiot who has a very hard time not getting manipulated by Betas and Omegas. Too competitive for his own good, especially over attention.

Deuce — Alpha: Also an absolute dumbass Alpha, but trying much harder to be a decent one. His old aggressive ways have doubled back around to a need to prove that he's good... which also means he gets himself in trouble by being WAY too eager to be useful.

Trey — Beta: A relaxed, level-headed Beta who winds up playing mediator to the chaos around him far more often than he'd like.. especially for any Alphas and Betas in his immediate vicinity. If he is affected by his instincts, he certainly doesn't let it show.

Cater — Beta: The kind of sweet and personable Beta where no one can find a real reason to dislike him. Tends to try to be whatever the people around him want, often at the cost of being less than genuine. Internally, he leans more toward the Omega desire to be cared for.

Leona — Alpha: And he hates every second of it! The pressing need to be wanted is infuriating, and every time his protective side slips out, he curses his dynamic to a whole new level. Tries very, very hard not to give in to his biology... but that's a source of stress in itself.

Ruggie — Omega: Part of him dislikes the inherent vulnerability of it, but he's also more than willing to use his dynamic to get what he wants. He doesn't really hide that he'd like to be cared for and have it easy, but he doesn't expect that kind of thing to happen, either.

Jack — Beta: While his immediate appearance seems more Alpha-like, he's actually the calm, yet intimidating sort of Beta that can fit in well enough either way. He's not too particular about how people see him, and doesn't mind being perceived as an Alpha sometimes.

Azul — Omega: He's a perfect embodiment of the "manipulative Omega" stereotype. Makes the best of his dynamic via using it to get people's guards down and come across as harmless. However, he can never quite shake the more anxious, clingy side underneath it all.

Floyd — Beta: The bizarre, volatile, mix-of-both kind of Beta who makes everyone around him some degree of uncomfortable. You never know what you're going to get with him, and he takes far too much pleasure in freaking people out through that fact.

Jade — Beta: Comes across as the classic, polite, level-headed sort of Beta who's clearly dependable. The reality is that he's using that outward persona for some pretty sketchy purposes. Quite possibly every bit as unpredictable as his brother, just better at hiding it.

Kalim — Alpha: The type of oblivious Alpha who's smothering without ever realizing it. He's prone to all but drowning people in efforts to make them happy, and is way too easy to manipulate because of it. Happy to spoil anyone who (he thinks) wants it.

Jamil — Beta: He's both grateful for his dynamic and somewhat resentful of it. It's easier for him to blend into the background and do his job the way things are, but it also means he has no excuse for when his (surprisingly strong) instincts get the better of him.

Vil — Omega: While he'll consistently come across as the demanding, manipulative type, the reality is that he has a lot more longing to be treasured and cared for than he wants to admit. Being valued for his external self has given him some major issues there.

Rook — Alpha: And it's everyone else's problem! He's the kind of overbearing Alpha where even his attempts to be affectionate come off as more than a little creepy. Highly open about his instincts and feelings, to a degree where most people wish he'd tone it down.

Epel — Alpha: And he's incredibly fed up with people assuming the opposite. Aggressive, stubborn, and dead-set on proving himself as tough, he's a mess of overcompensation and trying way too hard. Wishes more people would take him seriously as an Alpha.

Idia — Omega: Despite his usual tendency to shy away from social interaction and assume the worst of others, he's pathetically desperate for someone to cling to. Moody, high-strung, and dangerously possessive, he embodies a lot of poor stereotypes.

Ortho — N/A: He wasn't built with a dynamic, and that's fine by him! He's perfectly content looking after his brother and being entirely unaffected by the instincts that make everyone else so weird. A little too invested in finding someone who can help him take care of Idia.

Malleus — Omega: Despite appearing more or less untouchable, he's a weird mix of very used to being spoiled and desperate for it in a more genuine form. Loneliness hits him hard, and he has a tendency to get clingy with anyone who makes him open up.

Lilia — Omega: And it doesn't seem to affect him one bit. While he'll absolutely use his dynamic to mess with people, he's also perfectly capable of acting like it barely exists. His self-control is downright impressive... but even he has his moments of weakness.

Sebek — Alpha: The tense, stubborn, hot-tempered sort of Alpha who's a massive annoyance to everyone around him. Painfully attached to Malleus, but remains completely unaware of how stupid his instincts make him. Desperate for approval and praise.

Silver — Beta: The kind who's so laid-back it's almost dangerous. Most of the time, he's not fully sure what's going on in the instinct parts of his brain... and he'd like to leave it that way. Finds his mild demeanor to be quite beneficial in getting through life.

#Twisted Wonderland #TWST #TWST ABO Au #Headcanon #Info

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lesbiansforboromir · 4 years

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If a person wanted to write Boromir fic, do you have any tips on how to capture the Tolkieny tone in writing/best scenes to re-read for characterization?

LET ME SEE if I can’t compile a nice guide for you;

First thing’s first! Boromir does not include his own feelings into his statements unless it’s utterly against his will, such as the ring-controlled scene. In fact his discussion with Frodo is the first and last time he expresses his emotions verbally at all and even then it seems to be squeezed out of him in the midst of his ranting ‘how it ANGERS me’ like he is almost shocked at how angry he actually is in that moment, so much so that he can’t hold it back like normal.

‘I am’ statements in general don’t come often either. He doesn’t use ‘I’ at all if he can help it. If he is describing the war or some conflicts or battles, he uses ‘us’ or ‘we’ ‘Some said that it could be seen, like a great black horseman, a dark shadow under the moon. Wherever he came a madness filled our foes, but fear fell on our boldest, so that horse and man gave way and fled. Only a remnant of our eastern force came back, destroying the last bridge that still stood amid the ruins of Osgiliath. 'I was in the company that held the bridge, until it was cast down behind us. Four only were saved by swimming: my brother and myself and two others.’ Here he mentions himself only as an explanation for the circumstances, and goes quickly back to talking as a collective. (This is the first and last time he mentions Faramir too, and never by name)

The times when Boromir uses ‘I’ statements most is for defining his own actions and intent or when he is offering advice. 'I have let my horn cry at setting forth, and though thereafter we may walk in the shadows, I will not go forth as a thief in the night.' He is clear to himself and others about what he will and won’t accept. 'I will add a word of advice, if I may,' said Boromir. 'I was born under the shadow of the White Mountains and know something of journeys in the high places. We shall meet bitter cold, if no worse, before we come down on the other side. It will not help us to keep so secret that we are frozen to death. When we leave here, where there are still a few trees and bushes, each of us should carry a faggot of wood, as large as he can bear.' Note here he is also polite but in a confident manner. ‘If I may’ is added to acknowledge that he is not the leader of the company, but he is not shy with offering his advice and assuming it useful.

When he’s in more familiar and less strict circumstances, and actually sometimes even when he isn’t, Boromir has what I would call a... hint of sarcasm in his tone at all times. He’s always got a little sardonic wit with him, `Let those call it the wind who will; there are fell voices on the air; and these stones are aimed at us.' See? It’s not... OVERT but it’s definitely a little long suffering/etc. Boromir... talks like an old man I guess is my point. 'What do you say to fire?' asked Boromir suddenly. 'The choice seems near now between fire and death, Gandalf. Doubtless we shall be hidden from all unfriendly eyes when the snow has covered us, but that will not help us.' ESPECIALLY when he’s talking to Gandalf, there’s just a bit of dark humour and ‘cheek’. `I do not know which to hope,' said Boromir grimly: `that Gandalf will find what he seeks, or that coming to the cliff we shall find the gates lost for ever. All choices seem ill, and to be caught between wolves and the wall the likeliest chance. Lead on!' jhadsjd BITCHY... but very funny and he’s right. And here also, ‘wolves and the wall’, he tends towards almost... poetic isn’t quite the word but he likes sayings and flowing dialogue.

Continuing on from that point, Boromir is also generally... not WARM but he’s got a way of speaking that is comfortable and confident in comradery. Especially with Gimli, actually, he often makes these lighter sighed statements that have a lick of humour to them. Again, it’s never particularly overt, more of a constant underlying note in his wording, even in the latter parts of the fellowship. `Ah, it is as I said,' growled Gimli. 'It was no ordinary storm. It is the ill will of Caradhras. He does not love Elves and Dwarves, and that drift was laid to cut off our escape.' 'But happily your Caradhras has forgotten that you have Men with you,' said Boromir, who came up at that moment. `And doughty Men too, if I may say it; though lesser men with spades might have served you better.’ This is one of my favourite lines of his it’s just like... confident, not over proud, you can hear him grinning and the leetle wry tone he’s speaking in. Even here! In like the very last days of his life, he still has this quality!

We might labour far upstream and yet miss it in the fog. I fear we must leave the River now, and make for the portage-way as best we can from here.' `That would not be easy, even if we were all Men,' said Boromir. `Yet such as we are we will try it,' said Aragorn. 'Aye, we will,' said Gimli. `The legs of Men will lag on a rough road, while a Dwarf goes on, be the burden twice his own weight, Master Boromir! ' (later) 'Well, here we are, and here we must pass another night,' said Boromir. `We need sleep, and even if Aragorn had a mind to pass the Gates of Argonath by night, we are all too tired-except, no doubt, our sturdy dwarf.' Gimli made no reply: he was nodding as he sat.

AND ANOTHER THING. Whilst Boromir CAN be an orator and give long speeches, he tends towards economy of speech. This is especially noticeable, again, between him and Gandalf. Gandalf will go on for three paragraphs about something, patronising him, explaining a lot of unnecessary stuff to sound clever. And then Boromir will just answer with; `We do not know what he expects,' said Boromir. `He may watch all roads, likely and unlikely. In that case to enter Moria would be to walk into a trap, hardly better than knocking at the gates of the Dark Tower itself. The name of Moria is black.' And that’s it! AND HE’S FFUCKIN RIGHT GGSHAHGS

So you’re usually going to be trying to narrow down his speech to it’s bare essentials in order to get the point across and nothing more. Stream lined, impersonal, confident and clear are the hallmarks of Boromir’s speech patterns. NO. SHOUTING. Unless to be heard or in a brief flash of shock, immediately restrained afterwards. Actually if Boromir has any kind of outburst, he tends to walk away from whatever situation caused it rather than allow anything to escalate. Boromir’s verbal tone is almost always neutral, wry or reassuring/comfortable. From experience, I can tell you this is... GRUELLING to write. You want so desperately for him to say what he’s thinking and feeling, what’s important to him, but he’s utterly incapable unless briefly possessed by evil. Not even when he’s literally dying will this change, though that might be because it was Aragorn at his deathside. Which brings me onto my final point.

We actually have no idea how Boromir might interact with people he actually likes and is friends with, let alone his family. I’m inclined to believe that warm comradery element just becomes more overt but little else changes. But you’re entirely at liberty to decide for yourself. Certainly though it is different from how he behaves throughout the fellowship. We never really meet Boromir... is a thought I can hardly bare so we’re STOPPING now.

#boromir #chats #erran vs tolkien #lotr #tolkien #rescue-ram #asks

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cardigantaylor13 · 3 years

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malina appreciation week / day 4: song or lyrics

hello again! here are 3 of my favorite malina songs and an indepth explanation about each of them because i have uni work to do and i’m procrastinating <3 this is gonna be long long, so buckle up if you’re interested and i won’t blame you if you scroll.

(beware of spoilers!)

willow - taylor swift

I'm like the water when your ship rolled in that night / Rough on the surface but you cut through like a knife / And if it was an open-shut case / I never would've known from that look on your face

they should’ve known!!! from the moment they saw each other when they were kids!!! in the field!!! looking at each other like they were the only ones that mattered!!!

The more that you say / The less I know / Wherever you stray / I follow

they will literally go wherever the other one goes. and they more you say!! the less I know!! I can’t explain it but just sound so THEM

I'm begging for you to take my hand

need I explain? they’re always always reaching for each other 🥺

Wreck my plans / That's my man

she chose him!!! over the darkling!!! (was he ever an option?) and over nikolai!!! she chose him! THAT’S her man. THAT’S the one she wants.

Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind

I think this goes both ways. they both adjust their life according to the other, and they’d go to the ends of the earth for each other.

Head on the pillow, I could feel you sneaking in

thinking about when they both were reaching for each other even when they were miles apart

As if you were a mythical thing

they are both literal mythical things. she’s a sun summoner. he’s the last morozova amplifier.

Like you were a trophy or a champion ring / And there was one prize I'd cheat to win

mal says he’ll spend the rest of his life trying to deserve her!!

You know that my train could take you home / Anywhere else is hollow

they’re each other’s true north 🥺🥺

Wait for the signal and I'll meet you after dark

this reminds me their last days together when they think mal is gonna die, how they would always get away from the others to be together and enjoy the little bit of time they have left

Show me the places where the others gave you scars

firstly: their matching scars!!!

secondly: they’re best friends!!! they’ve seen each other for through it all!

and thirdly: that scene when alina is taking care of mal’s wounds!!

Now this is an open-shut case / Guess I should've known from the look on your face / Every bait and switch was a work of art

they really should’ve known from the beginning, but every single twist and turn lead them to each other.

smithereens - twenty one pilots

TELL me this is not the most malyen oretsev song in existence. you can’t.

You know, I've always been collected, calm and chill

he’s a good soldier!! reminds me of mal’s long lost letter 🥺

And you know, I never look for conflict for the thrill

(except in s&b when he’s hurting and being self-destructive)

But if I'm feeling someone stepping towards you / Can't describe just what I'm feeling

he would do anything to protect her!! and she would do the same!! when she was taken away, he would halfway through ravka to get back to her!! and he can’t even explain why he does it except for the fact that he wants to see her safe

and in one of the flashbacks, she protects him with a letter opener from an older boy!! soulmate energy!

For you, I'd go step to a dude much bigger than me / For you, I know, I would get messed up, weigh 153 / For you, I would get beat to smithereens

this man!!! is willing to go against the darkling!! the most powerful man in existence!!! to protect alina!! he was willing to die to give her the chance to win!!

You know, I'll be in the corner taking notes

specially in s&s, mal is pushed to the side while alina tries to help nikolai. and at first he doesn’t even mind it, because the only reason he’s there is for her (she’s his flag! she’s his nation!).

I got your six while you're working votes

he’s pushed to the side but he has her back while she tries to do all this political stuff and strategies!!

happy hunting ground - maisie peters (feat. griff)

Now interlaced / For worse or for better /My bird of a feather

they’ve been though the good and the bad together. also my BIRD of a feather? 👀👀👀

This could be your happy hunting ground / Everything you wanted, well, you've got it now / So don't take it for granted /I love you, don't take advantage

for me this is what alina thinks in the first book!! she’s been in love with him for a long time, and she thinks she could be the right person for him. but she’s also scared of getting hurt because she thinks her feelings are unrequited (I love you, don’t take advantage)

This could be your happy hunting ground / Everything we dreamed of is falling out the clouds / So careful where your boots tread /Oh, protect the love that you get

this part however!!!! reminds me of the epilogue, because they truly truly got everything they wanted. the ordinary life they always dreamed of. “protect the love that you get” seems like a warning because of how much they lost — protect the love that you get, because even if you lose everything, this love is the one that will hold you up.

And you know I'll be here / 'Cause we've got it all to lose /That's you included

with the war they literally have everything to lose, and they both think the other is gonna die at some point. “He watches her the way Harshaw watches fire. Like he’ll never have enough of her. Like he’s trying to capture what he can before she’s gone.” and then when they discover mal is the third amplifier, she realizes she’ll have to kill him in order to defeat the darkling.

Oh, so tie up the lace of your boots / Before we trip and forget / With every hope that we've ever had

them trying not to forget their meadow!! and where it all started 🥺🥺

And we got way too much to lose here, don't you think so? / It's too good, yeah, just to let it slip on by without a pause / And we've been stacking up the boxes trying to reach for what we wanted

like i said, they have each other to lose but all they ever wanted was an ordinary peaceful life 😭💔

Don't look down, oh, I know it was worth the cost

mal reassuring alina that his death (the cost) was worth saving everything!!!!

I'll have you and then a bit more

they can never get enough of each other 🥺🥺

—————————

soooo that was that I guess. hope you liked the songs I chose, you should definitely give them a listen if you haven’t!! and if you want more malina songs, I have a whole playlist on spotify <3

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/19ZrmZtob9KxBSVYsvqMGJ?si=RSerU24cT3SfDneku4mGdg&dl_branch=1

see you tomorrow with a surprise for the last day of malina week! 💕

#malinaweek #malinasource #malina #alina starkov #mal orestev #malyen oretsev #shadow and bone #sab #playlist #jessie mei li #archie renaux #taylor swift #twenty one pilots #maisie peters #malina appreciation week

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divineluce · 3 years

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Research Reunion || Orion & Luce

Timing: May 11th, 2021

Tagging: @3starsquinn & @divineluce

Location: The Scribrary

Description: Who else would know phoenixes better than a Scribe? Luce goes to Rio for help-- third time’s the charm. Right?

Grabbing her backpack from the passenger seat of her car, Luce glanced up at the Scribary. She remembered the last time she’d been here, vividly, in fact. She’d been asking Rio for help that day too. Help for… Swallowing, she slid the backpack over her shoulder, keenly aware of the books inside. They were the one she’d borrowed from Rio, months and months ago. Books about ghosts, about exorcisms. She’d poured over every single page, trying to figure out how she could do something. And in the end, she hadn’t even been able to help. She’d failed. Nadia was safe, but no thanks to her. It was like how Remmy was safe, how Bea was safe-- by virtue of being nowhere near this town, they were safe. Luce made her way to the door of Scribe HQ and knocked on the door. “Hey. I need your help.” She said, not looking at Rio. The last time they’d seen each other… She didn’t want to think about that. Instead, she awkwardly held up her backpack, “I’ve also got some overdue books.”

Orion hadn’t expected to hear from Luce. The two hadn’t seen each other since everything with Lydia. And the last that he had heard from her was the alcoholic apology for punching him. Rio just hadn’t been sure which time specifically she had been apologizing for. Maybe it was meant as a catch all. Broken cheek bone aside, getting punched was nowhere near the reason that Rio expected the two hadn’t seen each other since the incident. The whole situation with Lydia… it still weighed on Rio. People had died. Instead of getting to help, Rio had been promise bound into hurting his sister and friends all in an attempt to help a serial killer escape. He still hadn’t forgiven himself for being so naive. At the end of the day, Rio and Luce had never been particularly close. She was more like the sister of the best friend of the person Rio had been dating. Familiar with each other by extension, acquaintances by association. “Hi there.” Rio held the door open, scratching the back of his neck as a nervous tick while conveniently covering half of his face with his arm. Just the memory of Luce made his face throb. “I really hope we can do introductions without the uh- punching thing this time.” Rio smiled innocently, though the joke sounded more like a genuine plea than anything a normal person would laugh at. But if there was anything that could get Rio out of that funk it was the mention of his books. “Really?! That’s amazing. That means I can take you off my list. Come on, follow me we can head back to the library.” Rio waved her inside and started off down the winding hallways, “So uh- it’s been a while. How ya been?”

Grimacing at the memories of how she’d… greeted him in the past, Luce offered a tight lipped smile. “Nope. No punching this time.” She said. Christ. He was just a fucking kid. And she’d fucking clocked him. Twice. She needed to work on that. She needed to work on a lot of things, but decking kids was definitely on the list. Slipping the bag off her shoulder, Luce pulled out two of the thick leather bound books and tossed them to Rio. “Yep, right here. Ghosts and Ghouls and Diaries of an Exorcist. Real light reading.” She said before squinting in slight confusion. “A list?” She echoed as she followed him inside. The hallway seemed a bit brighter than the last time she’d been here and she realized there were lights installed along the halls. Lights that hadn’t been there before-- Winston’s handiwork, she realized. Winston must have fixed the place up before she left. Yet another person who was better off away from here.

Shrugging, she mulled over her response. Out of magic. Out of people to turn to. Which is why she was here, why she’d talked to Leah. “Keeping on keeping on. Just trying to fix some shit, that’s all. What about you?” She asked.

It felt like there were a million books in the Scribrary. Far too many for Orion to ever truly miss a random ghost book that Luce had borrowed a few months back. Still, there was something oddly comforting about knowing that one was going to be back where it belonged and he could mark it off the list. “Oh yeah. I sort of started a list. Like a book check out system, so that I can keep a better track where the books are. If I can’t find one I start to get stressed, so it’s a bit calming to know which ones are in someone else’s hands.” Rio shrugged following the explanation. Even he knew that it seemed a little over the top, but considering people had found their way in before without his knowledge he also thought it’d be a good idea to keep track just in case a book disappeared that he hadn’t lent out. Farther down the hallway, he couldn’t help himself from making further conversation, “For the record, what I said earlier? When you first got here? Totally a joke. I don’t blame you for either time you-” Rio held up a fist and motioned towards his face. “Just so you know.”

Rio wondered what Luce meant by that. What exactly was she trying to fix? It probably had something to do with what she was doing here asking for his help. “Good to hear.” Rio answered regardless. It hadn’t been the most positive answer, but keeping on was about as good as it got in White Crest, “Loaded question. I guess I’m alright, all things considered. It’s just been a long year already.” He didn’t want to bother Luce with all of his issues. It was just depressing and sad, “But I’m glad you dropped by. I’m happy to help with whatever you need.”

“Huh. Guess that makes sense.” Luce said, because it did on some level. She’d never liked books, never really cared much for anything that she couldn’t listen to or see or feel. But it made sense for Rio to keep track of shit. They continued down the hallway in relative silence, Luce aware of how fucking awkward it all was. She’d never really given a shit about Rio. Which was a pretty terrible thing, but it was true. Rio wasn’t someone she’d bothered to get to know-- he was just Winston’s boyfriend. But, he wasn’t just that, was he? He’d been there, that day… he’d seen what she’d done. He’d stood between her and Lydia and she hadn’t cared. And fuck. He was… human. Innocent. “You should. I shouldn’t have punched you. Either time.” She said, her voice dull, sounding almost as numb as she felt. The memories of that day still haunted her. Day and night, what she’d done, it stayed with her.

“Yeah.” Luce said offhandedly. “I feel that. A long fucking year already.” It was hard to believe that a single year had passed since she’d been pulled from her cabin by her parents, forced to live with Bea and Nell. Now, she would give almost anything to even see her parents, let alone argue with them over whether it was really necessary for her to live with her sisters as a grown ass adult. Clearing her throat as they entered a room lined with shelves crammed full of books, “Great. I’m looking for books on phoenix’s. Specifically stuff on what can cause corruption. I reached out to,” Luce paused, not knowing if Rio was exactly on the up and up with Leah, “someone who knows about phoenix’s, but they didn’t know much either.”

It was obvious from her tone that Luce didn’t want to talk about it. Orion couldn’t claim that he wanted to talk about it either. It was awkward. Especially with someone he didn’t actually know well. “I mean the first time was just a misunderstanding. I can’t fault you for looking out for Winston.” Rio shrugged. He hadn’t loved it when it had happened. And he had mostly wished that Luce would have given him at least a minute to try to explain himself before she chose to punch him instead. But Rio and Luce weren’t super close. Luce cared about Winston and owed nothing to Rio. “I can’t say I would have done the same, but that’s just because I’m very non confrontational. I’d rather silently second guess from afar.” The second time was an entirely different story. “And we all know that I wasn’t in control with Lydia. You had to do what you had to do. If anyone should be apologizing it’s me. I threw a knife at you.” The reminder of it flashed through his head. The snapping of Athena’s arm. The air whistling as the knife flew and landed in the back of Luce’s leg. He blinked the images away and tried to focus again. “I’m just saying, neither one was exactly unmotivated.”

Inside the library, Rio was able to breathe a tiny bit easier. Something about the place calmed him. Maybe being here with Luce was not any less awkward than it was in the hallway, but it felt less claustrophobic. Physically and mentally. “Phoenixes?” Rio repeated, crossing his arms and giving a huff as he tried to consider what might be useful. “Honestly? There’s not a ton of information on them in the Scribrary. I have a theory, but can’t really prove it. But I think maybe one of them knew enough about their past lives to take the books that were stored here. Or the Phoenixes that worked as Scribes never trusted them enough with the knowledge.” All of that was speculation, a theory mostly beginning when he learned that Leah’s past life had been involved with the Scribes. Part of Rio wanted to question Luce’s source. Given her sister’s relationship with Leah, it made sense that Leah directly might be the source. But he didn’t have any interest in outing the woman if Luce wasn’t privy to that knowledge. Leah was actually starting to trust Rio, despite his hunter heritage. He didn’t want to give her any reason to jeopardize that. “But I definitely have some stuff on them. Follow me.”

“I should have stopped to think. To ask questions, get some straight answers.” Luce replied dully, her boots falling heavily against the solid stone pavers of the building. How fucking old was this place anyways, she wondered absently. It seemed older than the town itself. “I should have done a lot of shit differently.” She said, but grimaced at Rio’s next words. You had to do what you had to do. No. She’d done much more than that. She remembered the way she’d set fire to innocent bystanders, people caught in the crossfire of a world they weren’t even aware of. She could feel the flames curl and crackle against their skin. She could remember the way rage and fear had coursed through her. “Sure. They weren’t unmotivated.” But they were motivated for the wrong fucking reasons.

Glancing around at the massive store of books, Luce had a hard time believing that the Scribes didn’t have much on the subject of Phoenix’s. They had to have something. They had to have information. Or else… what was Luce going to do? Give up. Go back to Adam and tell her she wasn’t the right person for the job. Her magic was gone, her sister was gone, her family had abandoned her for what she was. And now, she couldn’t-- she couldn’t even find a goddamn book. Luce wrapped her arms around herself as she listened to him, as though she could hold all the remains of who she was together. “Alright. Makes sense to me. Theories and stuff aren’t my wheelhouse, but sure. Lead the way.” She nodded.

Unable to argue that, Orion just shrugged. At the time, he had certainly wished that Luce had stopped to question Rio on the topic or tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Partially because he didn’t enjoy getting punched in the face, but mostly because he had hoped that he ame off friendly and pleasant enough that Luce might have questioned the misunderstanding entirely. He had to remind himself that the two had not been friends at the time. He wasn’t even sure what they were now. “Yeah. Well I get that much. I would have done a lot differently too.” Like never promise a random woman that he would protect her at all costs. The only problem was that he wasn’t sure he would have done anything different. He still wanted to give people the benefit of the doubt. He just couldn’t help himself from making stupid decisions.

Rio didn’t waste any time leading her to the few materials that he had found on phoenixes. Most were journals by other scribes talking about their experience with them, though there were a few self-collected bestiaries that almost devoted a small section to them. Certainly not as vast as some of the more common supernatural creatures. Books about vampires or werewolves took up multiple bookshelves, while mentions of Phoenixes fit neatly on a single row. “I guess theories and stuff is sort of my area of expertise. If you want to call it that.” He honestly wasn’t sure what he would describe as his ‘wheelhouse’. When he got to the shelf, and pulled off a book and started flipping through it, “So if there’s anything about them it’s probably here. Feel free to start flipping through some of them. What kind of corruption do you mean?”

“Shoulda,” Luce kicked at a broken piece of cobblestone, “Coulda,” The stone bounced and skittered across the floor ahead of her, “Woulda.” She said, a grim expression on her face. There were a lot of things she would have done differently. She wouldn’t have let herself get carried away by fear, by anger. She wouldn’t have called in a favor from a woman she hardly knew or understood. She wouldn’t have listened to the words of a kid, of a… fuck. She was more than just a kid. Athena was Rio’s sister. Christ. Rubbing her forehead, Luce followed him to a different section of the scribrary. The books here were all old, leather bound things, with worn spines. No doubt used by generations of Hunters and Scribes alike. And now… her. To try and do something good for once.

“The way I see it, you’re the expert here on books. Theories go right along with that.” She shrugged. Luce wasn’t a theory gal, wasn’t a reader, barely even gave a shit about learning things she cared about. Rubbing a hand on her arm, Luce thought back to the scene she and Adam had witnessed in the forest. The way the fires had burned an natural red, the way a curved beak had seemed to jut from the phoenix’s face, while their head remained human. Pulling another book from the shelf, she paused at an anatomical diagram of a phoenix, in both human and full form. How had the person who wrote this book figured out the anatomy? Had the phoenix in this sketch offered this knowledge? Or had it been taken? Luce cleared her throat. “The flames, they didn’t burn like normal fire. Or normal phoenix fire either. There were feathers, on fire, being shed all over the place. And they didn’t go out on their own. They just kept burning, like oil. And the flames, they didn’t look right. There was this shade of red, to them. I’ve never seen fire look like that before.” She frowned, “And I know fire.”

Listening to Luce’s description, a worried line settled across Orion’ face. “That sounds scary.” He didn’t know much about phoenixes, but that definitely didn’t sound normal. Plus, he trusted Luce if she said that it hadn’t been normal. “Definitely not something you see everyday.” Rio had a bad feeling that if the former Scribe phoenixes did know anything about this it wasn’t something that they would want stored in Scribe records for anybody in the group to see. His only hope was that something was left behind, or somebody was studying the phoenix without their knowledge. Just the thought of that made him feel gross, though. He didn’t want to operate like that. Studying someone that didn’t want their secrets out. He would be better. He had to be. “Do you think they were dangerous?”

Had it been scary? Maybe. At this point, Luce had seen so much shit in this town, done so much fucked up shit… it hadn’t really registered as scary. Which was a troubling thought-- one that she could deal with later. When she wasn’t trying to stop half the woods outside of White Crest from getting set ablaze. Shrugging, she continued to flip through her book, “Nope. Not at all. Apparently, they also were able to melt through a car. Which means they’re powerful. Real goddamn powerful.” She said, thinking back to the melted shards of glass and obsidian, the dried streambed. At Rio’s question, Luce paused. Yes, definitely. But not because they wanted to be. “They’re dangerous only because they’re out of control. Whatever happened to them, it doesn’t look like it was intentional. Magic might change someone’s appearance, but it wouldn’t be enough to alter their flames. I think they’re in trouble.” I think they’re afraid of what they’ve done. What they might do.

Orion continued flipping through his own book, but couldn’t help but glance up at Luce as she described the encounter. She sounded so casual while discussing so insanely powerful. Rio had been dealing with the supernatural his entire life and he still couldn’t quite manage to keep himself that calm. “Woah. Didn’t know that was something they could do. That’s like… insanely hot.” Rio had no idea exactly how hot, but definitely not a safe amount of hot. He realized moments too late what he had said. “Hot as in like actual temperature hot, I mean. Not like attractive hot. For the record. I mean melting a car might be very attractive. I’ve never seen it for myself.” Definitely time to focus on reading that book again. He pulled it up to try to head his reddening face and only peaked over the top to look back at Luce when she gave him the best news he had heard so far tonight. That she didn’t think it was intentional. She didn’t think they were dealing with someone evil, but someone that might need help. Now that he could get behind. “In that case, we have to find something. I want to help.”

“Sure is.” Luce said off-handedly as she read a paragraph about phoenix feathers and molting patterns. Hm. Nothing there. A bit late, she realized that Rio was sputtering over his words. Glancing up from her book, she offered a grin. “Keep it in your pants there. But no, I know what you mean. It’s real fucking hot. I’ve melted metal before, but that shit takes time. And I only did doorknobs. I could never cut something as huge as a car. Guess that’s what happens when you’re basically a living sun.” She said before going back to her book. Fuck, she hated reading. Why weren’t there like… audiobooks for this shit? Or some wise old person to tell her what was up? Well. There were plenty of wise old spell casters in town, the difference was… they just wouldn’t have anything to do with her anymore. She couldn’t exactly go to them for help. So, Rio and Leah were the next best thing. At Rio’s words, Luce looked at him again, expression pensive. “Why? This isn’t your responsibility, you don’t need to help me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you are. But why?” Was he trying to ease guilt the way she was, was he trying to atone?

“Ha ha. Very funny.” Orion laugh sarcastically, thankful that Luce didn’t spend much time teasing him on the subject. Instead, she surprised him. He knew about her family's power, but he had no idea she had been strong enough to use the fire to cut metal. “That’s impressive. I guess I should have known that fire magic like that could get that powerful.” The extent of his knowledge on spellcasters came from Winston and the Vural family admittedly. The Quinn family had never partnered much with spellcasters to help catch supernatural creatures. They had always been far too proud. He hadn’t been expecting Luce to question his intentions. It took him off guard, mostly because he didn’t really know them himself. Though he had more than a few ideas. “Um… I guess I don’t know the right answer to that.” Rio shrugged, but continued to consider the question, “I guess I’ve seen a lot of bad stuff in my life? I was raised as a hunter, told that supernatural people were inherently evil and unnatural. I knew that wan’t true, but I never got a chance to help them.” More often than not, Rio had stood idly by while watching them get slaughtered. It wasn’t a feeling that Rio would soon forget, the helplessness of knowing he couldn’t stop it. The disgust at himself for not trying anyways. He had failed so many people in this town. He just didn’t want to do that anymore. “Now’s my chance. I don’t want to waste it.”

“It can.” When it works. When it wants to. “But, I couldn’t do something like that even if I wanted to.” Luce said, saying the words her brain was thinking automatically. Luce’s mouth snapped shut and she stared at Rio. Fuck. Fuck. She hadn’t meant to say that. She didn’t-- she didn’t want more people to know about this than need be. She didn’t have the protection of the coven and Bea had only just gotten back from New York, she didn’t want to add more to her sister’s plate. Same went for Nell—she didn’t want to force her baby sister to watch her back. If more people knew that Luce was without her magic, it would paint a big fucking target on her back. “I didn’t say that. You didn’t hear anything about my magic. You got it?” She asked, voice shaking slightly.

Listening to his words, Luce couldn’t help but wonder how anyone could have thought that this kid could be a hunter. He might have the genes, but there wasn’t a cruel bone in his body. “Yeah. Don’t fucking waste it.” She repeated before looking blankly back down at the book that was clutched in her hands. Any other time, the pages would be scorched and smoking in her grasp, a byproduct of her stress and anger. But the pages were only slightly crumpled under her fingers. Fuck.

Orion was left confused and concerned about Luce’s comment. It had been said so quickly that it had almost completely gone over his head completely. But a few moments after Rio’s eyes narrowed as he became perplexed by the wording. His head tilted, glancing away from the book in order to get a better look at Luce. Before he even had a chance to question her, Luce was talking again. She seemed pretty adamant that this was not something to be spoken of. Or even remembered from the sounds of it. That only concerned Rio more. “Right. Uh- didn’t hear anything.” Rio bit his lip and considered if there was anything else he should say. Adam had experienced something similar with his own abilities. Why did that thing only happen to people that actually wanted the powers? “But uh- if I did hear something, I’d definitely be there for you. Like to help figure that out. But I wouldn’t tell anyone. If I had heard anything.”

Not wasting the opportunity would be a lot easier if Rio knew what to do to help. That was the first step in helping others. Still, he appreciated Luce’s energy. It was intimidating for sure, sometimes downright scary. But it was surprisingly motivating. It made Rio want to find the answer to this more than ever. “I won’t. We’re going to help.” Rio tried remaining confident. Good vibes only. “Even if we have to write it ourselves.”

“Nope. You sure didn’t.” Luce said flatly before looking back at her book. It was useless though. She wasn’t the studying type usually and even less so when she had an audience. She glared up at him, ready to tear him a new one if he kept up on this subject. But, as she looked over at him and saw the expression on his face, she couldn’t help but sigh. She didn’t want his help, but… “We’ve got more important things to deal with than my shit. But thanks. You don’t need to, though.”

“Yeah.” She said with a nod before flicking through her book. “Whatever it takes.” Luce said quietly, the words familiar to her tongue. Not in the same context, not in the same way, but the words were just as true as they were a year ago. Whatever it takes. She’d right her wrongs, one step at a time. As she skimmed over the pages, she paused on what looked like… an ingredient list. It seemed to be talking about some kind of illness-- not corruption, exactly. But something that affected phoenix flames. “Hey. What do you think about this?” She asked, pointing at the list. “Essence of the phoenix stricken by disease. White flowered herbs found where wild creatures roam, bound with sage and lavender to purify. Tears of another freely given and,” Luce squinted at the text, “Fire. Lots of fire.”

Clearly, Luce was serious about not bringing it up. Orion continued to peak over the book at her, trying to pick up on any signs without asking. Asking wasn’t the right idea it seemed. Rio wasn’t sure that he could necessarily relate. He had always hated his abilities, had wished that they would go away. For him, losing them felt like a blessing in disguise. But for someone that seemingly liked and enjoyed the powers they had always had, it must be a lot harder. Like an extension of themselves. Rio didn’t understand, but he could guess that it must feel like losing a part of herself. “Point taken. Subject dropped.” Rio assured her, though he hoped at some point it would come up again.

Rio continued skimming through his own book until Luce pointed something out in the book she was looking through. He bent around to get a better look at the list and scanned through quickly, noting a few words that stuck out to him. “A phoenix disease? Never heard of that before. But that could make sense.” If there was ever a disease specific to phoenixes, one of the first things Rio would consider was their fire abilities and temperature. “So is the list some kind of spell? Or potion maybe?” He squinted at the list further and sighed, “They kept it pretty vague. Except for the fire part.”

At least he dropped it. That was something. Luce focused on the list-- there wasn’t much to go off of at all. It read more like an old ritual that the coven would do, one of the ancient rites that they did on a yearly basis. Big magic, powerful magic. The books Bea had kept, the ones on necromancy, they had featured lists similar to these. They were written to be vague for a reason. “It’s a spell. A potion would have more specific instructions, discussion about tinctures or timing. This is a ritual, some kind of cleansing. The sage and lavender tell me that much.” She tapped the line on the book before flipping the page. But, there were no further instructions, no other words. “Whoever wrote this, they kept their cards close to their chest. And I don’t blame them. The Scribe who figured this out, they must have worked with spellcasters and at least one phoenix. Can’t imagine either of them would have wanted the specifics of a ritual to be written out.” She said with a sigh and pulled out her phone to take a picture of the list. “I don’t know exactly what all of this means. The fire is clear and the lavender and sage are easy enough to source. The specifics of it, though. Can’t tell you.” Not for the first time, and certainly not for the last, Luce wished she was better at this. Better at all the parts of magic that she’d scorned. Because then, maybe she wouldn’t feel so lost.

Orion listened to Luce’s description intently. He was thankful to have a friend well versed on spells like that. That is what Luce was, right? A friend? Today more than ever, it seemed like there was actually a small chance of that. “Good to know.” Rio nodded, making a mental note of this in the back of his mind. He may never be involved in a spell or potion making, but he would at least remember how to tell a difference between the two, hopefully. “Big shocker there, a scribe being cryptic and vague.” He sighed. For a group dedicated to cataloguing supernatural knowledge for historical use, a lot of scribes didn’t love putting things in layman's terms. “I can’t tell you anything for sure, but I have a couple theories. That part about wild creatures. I would bet they’re referring to more than just your average wild animal. Probably somewhere with a large population of supernatural creatures. And this part,” Rio paused to look at the part about the tears of another, “Phoenix tears are supposed to be special, right? Some kind of super healer or something.”

“Witches aren’t much better. Must be a paranoid magic thing.” Luce said with a shake of her head before shutting the book. She couldn’t make heads nor tails of what it meant and, honestly, she wanted to be able to study the book on her own. It took her time to parse through magical shit, she didn’t pick up written spells and rituals quickly. “Mind if I borrow this? I’ll give it back sooner than the last batch.” She said, shaking the ancient book in her hand. “As far as what you’re saying… It makes sense, but keep looking for anything that might help. We don’t even know if this would help a phoenix who’s been corrupted. This is talking about disease, but I don’t think what we’re dealing with is a disease. I’ve got some leads I might track down, see if they can help.” She let out another sigh. “But yeah. Thanks for your help with this.”

Magic seemed fickle. Orion nodded at Luce’s statement, wondering what made it so different from hunter strength or a werewolf’s ability to turn. In the end, it was all some kind of magic, right? Some unexplained phenomenon that made people stronger or more capable than regular people. None of it made sense. But without any insight, Rio decided to just nod in agreement and leave it at that. “Yeah of course. Take whatever you want. I’ll just make a note of them before you leave. For this archive thing.” He shrugged, sure that she wasn’t interested in hearing about his attempts to modernize this ancient library. “Definitely. I’ll keep looking. Keep me updated okay? So I can help with stuff.”

Shoving the book into her backpack, Luce nodded. “I think just the one will be enough for me. It’s not exactly light reading.” She said as she shrugged on her bag. As she turned to leave, she glanced at the young Scribe for a moment. He really did want to help. And fuck, she needed the help. She wasn’t smart enough, didn’t know enough about magic outside of her own fire. And she couldn’t do this alone. It wasn’t possible, not if she wanted to help this person. “Yeah, I will. I’ll keep you posted. And if you find anything… let me know.” She said before turning her back on Rio and walking back down the dark corridors of the Scribrary. First Leah, now Rio. Who else would know about this? Who else could help her? Who else would understand why she… needed to do this?

It didn’t matter. It really didn’t. “Whatever it takes.” She repeated to herself. Whatever it takes, to bring some scrap of balance back to the world. To right the wrongs in her past. Whatever it takes.

#p: rr #p: orion quinn #chatzy #wickedswriting

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qwirk · 4 years

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*vigilantes ch. ~64 and main manga ch. ~255 spoilers*

although idk if these are really spoilers if these chapters came out a couple years ago! anime-only fans beware. anyway here’s my extremely long rant about the obvious, not trying to explain anything- i gotta yell!

so that vigilantes arc destroyed me! i’m not good at immediately putting thoughts about media into coherent points but i’m just so sad :( first of all after catching up with the main manga, shirakumo, despite being technically dead during his introduction, rocketed up to one of my favorite if not my favorite character. aizawa is also up there for me- he was first introduced as this strict teacher who seemed to psychologically torment his students for the fun of it, or at least for some yet unknown ulterior motive. but we now know that, while still kinda harsh, he does this to give his students that lead-dropping-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach rush in order to push them to succeed (or something like that?). he truly cares about his students and their growth which has been demonstrated multiple clear times. but what drives him to be like this??

shirakumo!! his actions today are a clear answer to the pushes shirakumo gave him back when they were students. they’re so obviously influenced by shirakumo that they’re almost literally answers. the main chapters are a little foggy because i speedread them at 3 am, but i just caught up with vigilantes.

at the start, aizawa sees himself as someone who’s constantly just behind and will stay there as everyone moves on. he trudges into class drenched after leaving the kitten behind and he’s super emo about it. meanwhile, shirakumo literally flies through the window, also drenched, saved not only the kitten but aizawa’s umbrella, and manages to put on this cheery (albeit borderline explicit) show about it. it’s a CLEAR contrast between the two and aizawa goes as far to say that he hasn’t reached his “true self yet” while he looks at shirakumo and then says that he starts to change.

as if it’s not enough for aizawa to beat himself up mentally, his classmates bring him down for not having a “heroic” enough quirk. shirakumo is constantly stepping in to bring him back up, even during real work study stuff, and goes as far to lend him a pair of his goggles so that his eyes become more useful. this becomes a stronger bonding point between aizawa, shirakumo, and hizaishi for them to start looking to the future together. while wearing those goggles, which are protecting his sight from the strong winds on the roof, he stares into the sky, feeling like he’s getting swept into the future like the clouds in the wind. (also the clouds as a metaphor. damn)

and then we come to the last fight. everyone that aizawa looks up to is crushed in the wake of the villain, and he’s the last one standing. there’s a group of children to protect, and he’s panicking and drowning in his overthinking. the way he’s given a huge panel to himself only to be visually overwhelmed by his thought bubbles stood out to me. and then the thing that snaps him out is shirakumo’s voice cheering him on. it’s a bunch of simple praise, but it means everything in the situation. the friend who’s been pulling him up no matter how hopeless or apathetic aizawa feels is of course the one to spur him into action in a life-or-death situation. aizawa realizes he’s gotta fight immediately, and even reminds himself of exactly what shirakumo told him- that his quirk IS useful and levels the playing field.

i was already kinda spoiled for this part since i read the main manga first, but hearing shirakumo’s cheering the entire time while aizawa is absolutely toiling to defeat this huge villain would have been touching regardless. and when he lands in triumph, hurting but victorious, he screams for his friend to hear that he did it!! but then you see this joy start to like. rot away as soon as it pans to kayama and hizaishi. it’s raining again (THE CLOUDS AS A METAPHOR! DAMN!). shirakumo’s corpse is lying feet away from him, staining the medics’ sheet with blood. i don’t have much to say about this part, it was just a lot for me to process!! also i’m still not entirely sure about the way his speaker works so i might be wrong here, but did he really spend his dying moments with a traumatic head injury cheering on his friend to not only beat the immediate danger, but to self-realization?? or maybe it was prerecorded? idk but either way, truly a hero.

aizawa and hizaishi are left standing in the rain because once again, “it fits the mood.” so obviously there’s the callback to when aizawa first said that when he comes to class after leaving the kitten and i have yet to fully comprehend it because i have no braincells for interpreting media. i guess maybe it’s like- aizawa at first felt terrible for not being able to save even a kitten while being enrolled in the most prestigious hero course in the country. getting drenched while settling with (what he considers to be) a cowardly measure is the icing to the cake for his self-hatred. it’s the classic “this might as well happen” scenario to get soaked by random rain or a car splashing you with a puddle on a bad morning. rain is sad. but in comes shirakumo, equally drenched but still the bright light that he is. he’s also done everything aizawa couldn’t but wanted to and more in this situation. he could do it not just because of his storing quirk, but because he held the life of someone who needed saving more important than the school rules. this decorum lets the kitten slide as it makes itself at home in the classroom. the rain stops soon after. but then you have shirakumo’s death. once again, aizawa, and even hizaishi, who’s usually always upbeat (almost every panel of him was just him screaming YEAHHHHH. plz give him more dialogue) both agree that the pouring rain fits the mood. this also brings us back to the present that preceded the flashback- koichi just rescued a cat and a child from a villain with aizawa’s help, and now they’re standing under an awning to escape the rain. this situation is literally almost exactly what happened at the beginning of the flashback which is why i guess it brought it on, but it’s interesting to see what changed- aizawa is the one who’s learned from this situation and teaching the student the meaning of responsibility (using an abandoned cat as an example, no less), and they’re all properly shielded from the elements this time. i guess the conclusion (that could be totally wrong) i’m coming to is that the rain sort of represents the adversaries aizawa faces in life- his self-deprecation, those that don’t believe in him, his personal failures that he has been facing lately. shirakumo has always been there to guide him past it, and once he lifts up aizawa nothing can shake him again. but now that he’s definitively gone, it’s back to haunt him for this one last moment of sheer grief. it’s only this one moment though, as aizawa clearly uses this moment to move on and better himself not just for his sake, but for everyone counting on him. he’s escaped the rain.

it’s so clear how this manifests in the main manga and i’m so happy vigilantes was able to spin out such a good backstory and explanation for his actions!! one of the most immediate ways we see his ideals stand out is his taking in of shinsou as his apprentice from general studies. it’s absolutely because he sees himself in this boy. he has a quirk that’s seemingly useless once you get into combat and everyone thinks he’s a creep for it. more people might even wary around shinsou than aizawa’s case. during the a vs. b practice fights, shinsou explains what he did wrong, clearly upset at himself for not doing enough. aizawa immediately pulls himself up, reminding him that in order to achieve what he just said, he’d have to be a pro, and that what he managed was more than enough. these parallels between aizawa and shinsou are definitely hinted at in the main story, like when midoriya underestimate’s his prowess in combat at usj, but with the vigilantes arc everything is so much clearer. in the main manga, we get a direct reference of aizawa’s expulsion rate in relation to how it helps students grow when they face “’death’” as he’s interrogating kurogiri. though dramatic, i feel like it has to be linked to the dire situation aizawa faced when the pro heros and shirakumo got knocked out during that one fight because of its placement in the chapter. he understands better than most in the story that a lot of times pushes, whether big or small, are needed to grow. he wants to be to his students what shirakumo was to him.

OK EDIT because i didn’t realize there was more to the arc after 64 lol. so obviously after shirakumo dies aizawa’s and hizaishi’s dreams of starting a triple hero agency have been dashed. aizawa seems to distance himself from hizaishi, or at least they’re on uneasy speaking terms. he’s coping by training super hard and is bent on going solo after graduation, the opposite of what they had all planned. but this time, he has conviction on what he’s going to do with himself, and that’s great! he learns that you have to be there for yourself in life. there’s a small montage leading from graduation to where is now in vigilantes and it’s been hard, but he’s been making it. still a lone wolf as ever, aside from the pushes from kayama to become teachers with her and hizaishi at ua. he thinks doing that would be a stupid choice for him, he’s been alone this whole time and doesn’t work well with others (anymore, he thinks). but now that he’s in the cafe with everyone, he changes seeing everyone fawn over the cat but their new dreams of being a popular cat cafe.

the impact of seeing their newfound hope brings him back to another flashback of the rooftop trio, and THE PARALLELS!!! of them also dreaming to start their hero agency based on their first rescue of sushi the cat. back in the present, aizawa, who’s been spacing off, suddenly realizes the sky and his mind have cleared (THE CLOUDS KEEP COMING BACK AS A METAPHOR!!! if this happens in the main story i’ll cry). i’m still not 100% sure of what exactly makes the dots connect for him, but it’s been hinted through the flashbacks and his reactions to the rescued cat that he’s actually a good teacher himself, though he had been mainly shown to have learned from others around him. he drilled husbandry requirements into shirakumo and interrogated koichi about responsibility as if they were second nature. i think aizawa realized that he’s actually always had a soft spot for watching people grow and do good things and wants to be a part of facilitating that. or at least because he wasn’t able to accomplish doing good with his friends originally, he wants to help other accomplish the goal he couldn’t. also the fact that kayama still sends him updates on sushi isn’t just really nice of her, but it’s also another representation of how aizawa’s convictions he developed as a student still drive him to do what he does today.

MY MAIN POINT IS: aizawa really loves shirakumo. to have so much of his character based in the lessons he purposefully or inadvertently taught him is an amazing testament to that appreciation. aizawa never emotes except for the occasional creepy smile when he psychologically toys with 1a, but the emotion he displayed during the interrogation really caught me by surprise. the apathetic emo character suddenly being truly happy or sad is a cliche but this panel right fucking here was so powerful to me:

yeah his eyes are always bloodshot as a trademark to his quirk, but the emotional EXHAUSTION written on his face is so starkly different than his usual boredom. this feeling that horikoshi illustrates in two small panels is so human that it’s instantly recognizable deep in our hearts. we’ve all been in those heavy and direly serious moments that wrack our mental and emotional fortitudes, where the only response manageable without hideously breaking down is some subtle motion of the hand or crinkle of the face. we all know what this means without understanding the japanese onomatopoeia or needing additional dialogue. before i read vigilantes, i still immediately understood what this man meant to aizawa. and that’s why i love shirakumo so much!! we all know at least a little how aizawa used to feel as a student, and to have someone constantly pushing you and acting as such a light in your moments of darkness is something so incredibly special. i really hope they’re able to get him out of his nomu state so those three can finally become heros together :’)

god!!!!!!!!!!

#bnha #mha #bnha vigilantes #mha vigilantes #aizawa shouta #eraserhead #oboro shirakumo #loud cloud #phew i haven't written something like this in YEARS #mod

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tothedarkdarkseas · 3 years

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The way Vampire AU has taken off has really warmed my heart! So many great thoughts all round. I sent you some elaborations on my own personal headcanons for it as a submission, just for the fun of it. Enjoy!

Hi! I got your submission last night and read over it-- it's very elaborate, you've clearly put a lot of thought into fleshing this AU out and it sounds like a ton of fun. I know you mentioned at the end that you had no intentions of writing it because you're busy with other fandom projects, but I'm sure there are many who'd be interested in reading your ideas if you ever decided to make a sideblog for it. I'll post your submission for others to read below a cut here so that the post won't be too long on the dashboard, and I'll reply to some of the specifics underneath!

Yes! I have so many more thoughts on a vampire AU, I figured it would be easier to put them in a submission. Hope you don't mind.

The concept is just so fascinating to me, because so much of it lines up perfectly with the character dynamics we're given in the canon, and what doesn't has the potential to expand on and explore those dynamics in a really interesting way.

I agree 100 percent about the tone it would have to be written in. An actual brooding, dark prince Murdoc type of thing wouldn't work for me. (Murdoc would try to play up that persona, but in reality, he'd be far from it.) In my mind, the tone would be half What We Do In The Shadows and half Being Human UK. Four misfits living in a mouldering mansion somewhere, getting on each other's tits - but deep down they've got each other's backs. There's a bond, even if they can't quite explain what it is.

In my mind the bloodlust would function as an addiction. Murdoc is no Mother Theresa but he's not comfortable with indiscriminate murder either. (Guilt and self-loathing is not a good combination in Murdoc.) Knowing there is no in between for vampires - you can't have a sip here and there, it's abstinence or nightly slaughter - he stays teetotal from blood and tries to channel his desires into other addictions instead. Any and every addiction, really. Drugs, booze, sex, theft, you name it. Which is how he comes to be doing donuts in a stolen car in a Tesco car park, at the exact same time Stuart Pot is making a midnight run for condoms and Tango.

I picture Murdoc's turning of Stu would be this confusing moment that even he can't fully explain, so he's always switching his story about it. One day he'll say he didn't want to deal with the police, another day it'll be vampire enforcers he was afraid of - "total killjoys, they'll bung you in a blood-filled coffin for a hundred years over the TINIEST infraction". Other days he comes close to admitting he felt guilty, that he flipped out over the idea of killing someone after all, when he's dedicating all his energy to avoiding doing just that. Sometimes he just calls it a moment of madness.

But in every vampire movie, there's that moment. The moment where the newly-turned vamp rises from the grave as this beautiful unearthly creature of the night, and I mean . . . this absolutely would be Murdoc's experience of it. He's almost convinced himself there aren't real vampires like that, that it's all Hollywood bollocks, and then Stu rises up in front of him like some black-eyed, blue-haired god, and the part of Murdoc that isn't utterly gobsmacked by it can't help resenting the little sod for making it look so easy. Murdoc likes to take the piss out of him and claim he's like one of those Lost Boys California pretty boy vampires, but he's jealous really.

I imagine Murdoc would be similarly mercurial about how he was turned. There's always some hyperbolic story about it, designed to paint Murdoc in the best light. Sometimes he was the premier occultist of his day. Sometimes he sold his soul to the devil for immortality. Sometimes he was turned by a beautiful vampire seductress, who was bitter he broke her heart. It's all bollocks. The truth is definitely something less glamorous, and I would imagine actually much sadder as well? I'm not sure what, but I'm picturing something like Murdoc's father being some small-time occultist who sold his son to vampires, or maybe Murdoc was working some menial job and was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe he was turned by some vampire who would have drunk him dry, if Murdoc hadn't fought him off. Or maybe it's a bit of mystery, like the mystery of his mother in canon. Someone did this to Murdoc, someone made him what he is, but he has no memory of it. And all the different stories are actually partly a coping mechanism for that, as he tries on different explanations for size. (It would also explain why he would refuse to abandon Stu after turning him. Because navigating this new reality alone is something he wouldn't wish on anyone, even some dumb kid.)

I think the supernatural element would also be a great way to expand on and deepen Murdoc's relationships with Russell and Noodle. In supernatural fiction there are always two types of beings that hate each other. Usually vampires and werewolves, but often vampires and ghosts too. As, obviously, vamps can't drain ghosts, and they spend their lives running from the guilt of all the people they've killed. Ghosts are a constant reminder of that - and of the afterlife they both fear, and resent that they were denied. I can picture Russell maybe helping Murdoc exorcise the ghost of Hannibal or Jacob, and that's how they meet. (And why he has more patience with Murdoc than most. He's seen him at his most vulnerable.) Noodle would be great as a vampire hunter too. Her dynamic with Murdoc would be fraught as on the one hand, she respects Russell and venerates him for his connection to the spirit world, so to a certain extent anything he says she'll try to respect. And Murdoc is supposedly reformed, and she has moments where she even almost quite likes him. But her instinct is not to trust him. Her instinct is to put him down, and they both know it. As much as he battles his bloodlust around her, she battles her urge to put a stake through his heart, Van Helsing style.

Finding out he turned someone would be a MAJOR ruck in their relationship. But I think Murdoc would use 2-D to convince her and Russell to stick around - because he turned him, but it wasn't like he was chowing down on the lad, it was practically an act of charity, really. Practically an act of atonement. And if they both leave now, Stu is only left with Mr Bad Influence Murdoc Niccals, to teach him how to be a vampire, and restrain his urges and whatnot. And Murdoc has never been much good at all that AA, 12 step stuff, so unless they WANT poor sweet Stuart Pot to wind up spending eternity as some kind of crackhead . . . it would be a kindness to him, really, to stick around.

I could not agree more about how Murdoc turning Stu would mirror their Phase Two dynamic, with Stu literally having become "the thing Murdoc turned him into", and resenting that. But also, having moments of perverse gratitude for it? Stu is vain, and vampire Stu would be gorgeous, which I reckon he'd love. And though I think he'd hate that his normal life of footy with the boys and Sunday dinner at his mum's was over, I can also imagine him feeling this whole new world has opened up in front of him, something most people aren't special enough to gain entry to. And he likes that.

I can even see the fame thing and the band happening. Music would be a great, healthier way to channel the urges he can't act on. And I can see Murdoc agreeing. Admitting that he's been playing in bands for years, because it's actually a great cover for a vampire lifestyle. Being nocturnal is practically a prerequisite, when you're a rock star, and you can get away with looking all kinds of weird when you're in a band, because people just chalk it up to the aesthetic. Still, until he met 2-D, none of the bands he'd been in were actually any GOOD. 2-D reawakens his love of music, the same way he is the turning point for Murdoc's career in the canon.

Vampirism would also be a great way to explore Stuart's flaws. His vanity is an obvious one, but I can also see him avoiding his family and not letting them know why he'd disappeared for years. Just too self-absorbed to appreciate the harm it's caused. I can also see the pill problem happening as he imitates Murdoc's habit of abusing substances to try and blunt his bloodlust. I can imagine him saying stupid stuff like "you never even took me to the hospital!" and convincing himself he experiences phantom headaches, because he doesn't want to admit he's becoming just like Murdoc, actually. He tells himself the pills are medicine and he really needs them, and it's not the same at all.

And I can see him getting too carried away with his lusts, and having several near misses or disastrous incidents where he brings girls home and loses control of himself. Where Murdoc jumps in and saves it from getting too out of hand, but at the same time exposes how he's basically been stalking Stu "for your own protection", with a side of decidedly voyeuristic intentions. Stu has . . . strong (and somewhat confused) feelings about this.

I think Murdoc would be the same trouble magnet in the vampire underworld that he was in the criminal one. Feelings about Murdoc range from "this unwashed oik should NEVER have been allowed to become one of us" to "I WILL STAKE MURDOC FAUST NICCALS IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO". Murdoc would definitely continue his streak of petty crime any time he entered the hallowed halls of the vampire hoi poloi. He'd be pilfering left and right. And I can't imagine he'd ever kowtow to the aristocracy, which, in a subculture as obsessed with class as vampires . . . yeah, he's insolent, to say the least. And they hate it. They just hate Murdoc, generally. I imagine 2-D might consider crossing over to the dark side to join them, to spite Murdoc, before eventually he realizes that - amazing as it sounds - even Murdoc has higher moral standards than these people. Maybe he's better off with the devil he knows.

I love what you said about Murdoc and Stuart being hung by the same rope, for all eternity. That's exactly the dynamic I think a vampire AU would bring about. I also think Murdoc being Stu's vampire sire would be interesting in the romantic sense, as part of them would always second guess if that was the reason for the bond they feel. Are they developing feelings, or is all of this just the blood bond? I can imagine Stuart hating his own inability to judge why he feels so drawn to Murdoc, and I can see Murdoc trying to convince himself any possessiveness or pride or protectiveness he feels over Stu is just what all vampires feel when they turn someone. (Even though it's not.) It would be a potent brew.

Anyway, this was long but I will never have the time to actually write this (I have five WIPs in other fandoms already) so I thought I'd let it out somehow. Thanks for giving me the space to talk this over!

(If anyone wants to run with this and make something of it, by the way, have at it! Just credit me somewhere for the idea. That'd be good.)

This was quite a ride! I love the idea of Stuart Pot's mortal life ending when he's mowed down in a Tesco car park buying condoms and Tango. It's cruel to say it's what he deserves and frankly the complete antithesis of the whole conflict I'm begging for, but... it's what he deserves. I'm also very intrigued by the angle of treating bloodlust as an addiction: it could theoretically be overcome, but practically speaking, rarely is. This makes it easy to see how Murdoc spins off into such a cartoonishly extreme life of debauchery. I love the bit about Murdoc changing his story of what happened, both the night he hit Stuart and his own origin-- the difference being that Stu does know what happened to him, whether he ever chooses to believe Murdoc's ever-shifting justifications for it or not, but no one can ever really know where Murdoc came from except himself. I definitely agree that the truth has to be less glamorous, less thrilling, less worthy of tales and legends. I like Stuart and Murdoc best when they are not men born into greatness nor men born for greatness, not inherently, and I love the private grappling with the belief that they are special and the fear that they probably aren't. Your explanation of the foil-like dynamic between vampires and spirits/ghosts is interesting, I don't know if that's an established piece of vampire lore or if that's your own invention, but I think it's a really solid one. I don't know if I've truly seen those two creatures explored in a world together with such a direct emphasis on that ghoulish ecosystem, so to speak.

And, well, I'm quite predictable but I'm ready to invest $5k in a full novel exploring Stu's estrangement from his family and friends following the transformation, the psychological toll it takes to choose-- though he may feel he has no other choice at all-- to abandon those relationships, how his own descent may mirror Murdoc's as he shelters himself in chalk-tablet excess and a vibrant, at times frightful carnal life to distract himself from the guilt. I'm dying to see how he could approach mending those fences again after years away. It isn't something one sweeps under the rug, isn't something that he can make amends for. This sort of thing shatters a family, and in my imagining of Rachel and David, it certainly shattered his. This kind of permanently-marred family drama really captivates me and is something I don't think we should shy away from in stories about addiction, and it would be fascinating to explore the human element of that against the metaphorical monstrous one.

I love what you mentioned about the "blood bond" and how it factors into the pull between them they're too unsettled to really name. This adds an extra layer of confusion, as you say, and better justifies why they find themselves orbiting each other, pretending there's a blood-coloured chain tethering them and ignoring the heavy weighted padlock in the middle that pulls them down, down, down. I've spoken a lot on this blog about why Stu is participatory in the relationship when he dislikes Murdoc in such a profound way, and while I absolutely never tire of the messy, bleak human weakness and ego of that, it would be quite special to explore that with something that almost feels like an excuse for Stu, a macabre justification entirely out of his hands; it gives him permission to be part of this broken spiral and absolves him of the responsibility of acknowledging his choice. I'd like to think he still lives with it, as Murdoc does too, but they may appreciate the safety of the smokescreen as much as they struggle to see through it.

Thanks for sending me your ideas, I hope other readers will enjoy seeing your elaborations, and if you're having fun thinking about these two goons I'd encourage you to consider making a blog. Sometimes you get lucky and draw in people who are incredibly kind!

(Lastly, unrelated fun fact about vampirism in my life: my first job was playing a vampire at a haunted amusement park. Our "Scare Zone" was designed as a junkyard taken over by a vampire gang, and I was the "queen" with a throne made of old tires. It was... a fun job and also not a fun job, haha.)

#anon au #thank you!

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seyaryminamoto · 4 years

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Matching Heartbeats: Sokkla Saturdays 2020

Day 2: “As if that would happen“

On FF.net//On AO3

The discomfort had been bad enough long before it started to be accompanied by pain: Azula gritted her teeth, bearing with the unpleasant, involuntary shudders of her lower body while clinging tightly to the firm, calloused hand that held hers.

"It's… a bad one. Damn it…" Azula gasped, shutting her eyes tightly.

"Breathe, love. Just breathe through it, like you did with the last one… you're my hero, you know? Putting up with all this…"

"For the second time… if I may add?" Azula hissed, wincing at one more painful shudder before whatever had clenched up inside her body loosened up at last: the pain receded gradually, and she sighed as she sank into the pillows, breathing heavily while still gripping that same hand as hard as she had needed to.

So far, he hadn't complained about the pain a single time. It would be strange to Azula, for Sokka often complained about any form of pain anyone inflicted upon him… but watching her writhing as each contraction took hold of her body appeared to hurt him far more than a few paling fingers could.

"S-sorry…" she said, regardless, releasing his hand despite he didn't make any moves to suggest he needed her to let go.

"And why are you apologizing, exactly?" Sokka smiled, reaching up to stroke her disorderly hair gently. "What you're going through… I'm pretty sure what you're doing to my hand can't even be a fragment of what you're enduring."

"Heh… must be I've been weakened by the contractions, then," she mumbled. Sokka chuckled and shook his head. "Here I thought I was exerting all my strength in holding your hand, but it turns out it's not even a fragment of what I'm going through…?"

Sokka rolled his eyes, prompting Azula to chuckle. She had meant to tease him: it was more than a bit unnerving to see him so serious and tense, even if she knew the situation warranted it. Messing with him, however lightly as it might be, would ease her heart far more effectively at this stage than anything else she could think of.

Naturally, Sokka retaliated against her words by showing her his right hand: indeed, the area Azula had gripped the tightest was paler than the rest of his hand and arm, and she bit her lip somewhat guiltily as Sokka leaned closer to her, still holding up his hand between them.

"I'm seriously expecting my hand to fall off at this rate, Azula. And yes, it hurts like hell, and I'm willing to lose it if that's what I have to do for you. But, besides that? I'm damn sure what you're going through is a thousand times more painful than losing a hand would be. So yeah, I know you love playing around with my words, but you know exactly what I was trying to say, don't you?"

"Of course I do," Azula smiled, closing her eyes as she tried to relax – as much as someone with a nine-month-old baby bump could relax. "But I like teasing you far too much. Plus… I have no idea if my grip is really that strong right now, Sokka. When the contractions hit that hard, it's not easy to focus on anything else… so I figured, despite I knew what you meant, that maybe I am a little weaker anyway."

"Heh, you? Weak? As if that would ever happen," Sokka smiled, reaching up to stroke her hair. "You're my hero, you know. I say it all the time, but still… you've put up with every challenge life has thrown at you and you've come out on top every time…"

"Eh? Not quite sure of that," Azula grimaced. "Sometimes I didn't wind up in the best of shapes, as you well know…"

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure you're the only person who's stared Death in the face as many times as you have and told him: 'You know what? Try a little harder next time', so…"

Azula couldn't hold back a chortle before a spring of laughter burst from her lips. Sokka smiled, watching her laugh at first before joining her with a few soft laughs of his own. His hand, weakened as it was, reached for hers all the same. Her fingers, so desperate, urgent and violent before, now smoothly caressed the back of his hand, and Sokka wasn't sure whether she sought comfort in their touch, or if she meant to reassure him instead.

"That's a lie, and you know it," Azula finally said. Sokka huffed, eyeing her skeptically.

"No, it's not," he declared, proudly.

"If I'd truly stared Death in the face, no matter how many times I allegedly did, and said such words to it? I'd likely have been inspired by your example in doing so," Azula smiled. "So… the lie isn't really that I wouldn't do that to Death, it's that I'm hardly the only person who does that."

"Eh… fine, then. If you insist, but my point still stands: you're strong as hell, no matter what you say," Sokka said, smiling warmly as his free hand stroked her hair once more. Upon finding a few droplets of sweat on her forehead, Sokka reached quickly for a small towel they had kept on the bed's nightstand, for the very purpose of drying Azula's brow whenever she needed it.

He dipped the towel in the basin, half-filled with cool water. Where Azula normally recoiled from cold things, she sighed in bliss at the touch of that fabric against her heating forehead. Sokka smiled warmly at her, as Azula released a deep breath, nestling as comfortably as possible in the mattress. Her thumb brushed his hand, and as gentle and sweet as the touch of the towel might be, Azula's brow was furrowed once he pulled it away.

"Another one?" Sokka asked. Azula shook her head lightly.

"Just… I guess it's dumb to worry about this now, isn't it?" she mumbled. "We're at the final stretch of the race, after all. But I can't help but wonder if… if we're truly ready for this. We've managed so far, with just one child, but do you really think we can handle ourselves, our responsibilities, while also raising two kids? I mean, there's no choice but to do it, but…"

"But you're worried," Sokka said. Azula swallowed hard and nodded. "Well… it's only natural to worry, I'd think. I'm not sure anyone can feel wholly confident about their ability to raise a little tyke all the way from being a toddler to adulthood, you know? I'd be surprised if anyone was that sure of themselves…"

"I'm just afraid of… of making the same mistakes they did," Azula whispered. "My parents…"

"Oh, well, now that's not something you should worry about," Sokka said, with a heartfelt smile. "You've already proven you're a thousand times the parent either of them could hope to be…"

"With one kid? Yes. Can it be the same with two?" Azula mumbled. "I mean, I'll try my best, but… that's where a lot of families seem to fuck up. Mine did, for sure. I know yours didn't, but still…"

"You're definitely underestimating just how good a mother you are," Sokka answered. "I'm pretty sure you'll never mess up the way they did. But, if you really need it… I guess I'll try to reassure you by promising that, if I ever think you're taking after either of them, I'll stage a full-blown intervention."

"Ah? That sounds dangerous," Azula smiled. Sokka nodded pompously.

"I'll lock us up in our room, and after I work out all your frustrations in the best possible way…"

"Oh no, please don't say that. Now I'll start wanting to be a bad mother just so you can do that…"

Sokka snorted and laughed halfway through his explanations. Azula smirked at him and he shook his head, forcing himself to focus anew.

"And after that's done, we'll talk things through and we'll figure out what we're doing wrong so we can start doing it right once we leave the room. See? Easy-peasy," he said, grinning. Azula sighed and smiled warmly at him.

"I really don't think it'd be that easy, but sometimes you believe in me so wholeheartedly that I can't help but trust you completely. It's terrible," she said, prompting him to laugh anew.

"I think your instincts trust my instincts, and that's what makes this marriage work perfectly," he decided, leaning close to press a kiss to her brow. "We'll do right by our new kid, Azula. We won't let anything go wrong. The Royal Family is revitalized, changed, renewed as it is… all the bad blood, the nasty stuff that plagued you as a kid, is long gone now. You'll be okay, and our little ones will be too. I'm sure of it."

"I wonder if anyone in this whole world has ever had as much faith in someone as you do in me…" Azula smiled affectionately, cupping his cheek. "I hope I'll never give you reason to stop believing in me…"

"Heh. As if that could ever happen," Sokka said, again, and Azula chuckled, shaking her head.

"Is that how you'll answer everything I say now?" she asked. Sokka failed to bite back a grin. "How about if I say I'm afraid you might not find me appealing anymore after my body's many changes, now that I've gone through two pregnancies?"

"Ha! That one deserves it more than the previous things you've said: as if I could ever, EVER, find you any less appealing, Azula," Sokka hissed, kissing her lips quickly as she laughed.

"I suppose, if you'd kiss me when I look like this, it must be true…" she mused. "I must look like a wreck, lying here as I am…"

"You're even more beautiful today than ever before, no matter how many pregnancies you've been through, or how many years have gone by…"

"How much weight I've put on? Granted, it's also because I was pregnant, but…"

"Didn't I tell you enough times that that's no reason to love you any less?" Sokka smiled. Azula bit her lip but grinned too.

"Fine, then. I'll stop testing you. You've become too skilled at fielding my verbal attacks…"

"It was about time I did, wasn't it?" Sokka laughed, stroking her hair. "We've been together forever now. If I couldn't hold my own in our arguments you'd likely have grown bored of me by now."

"Eh. Probably," Azula acknowledged, smirking mischievously as Sokka chuckled and pressed his brow to hers.

"I love you more every day that goes by," he whispered. "And moments like these only make me love you even more than I already did before."

"I sure hope so…" Azula said, and the edge of her smile waned as it softened into a gentle grin. "Because, loving you any less? As if that could ever happen."

"Ah? Are we really going to play that game with each other now?" Sokka chuckled. Azula grinned and shrugged innocently. "Well, then…!"

He didn't have a chance to tease Azula with that phrase again, for the sound of the opening door of Azula's assigned room cut off Sokka's words. He glanced back, and his lighthearted mood shifted once his blue eyes met his sister's own.

"Okay… our half hour's up. Did you have more contractions?" Katara asked, glancing at Azula, who nodded almost shyly.

"There was one just a moment ago. It was… intense," Azula said, unwilling to acknowledge how painful it had been. Projecting strength was a wasted ordeal, she knew, especially when Katara was going to witness the birth of her second child in a matter of hours, or less than that, and no moment in a mother's life could be as vulnerable as that… but it wasn't easy to break old habits nonetheless.

"Then I guess this is probably it," Katara sighed, biting her lip as she glanced at her brother. "Sokka…?"

"Y-you sure I can't stay?" he asked, eyeing Katara desperately now. "I… I'll be good. I promise I won't cause trouble, I just want to help…"

"Oh, Sokka…" Katara sighed, stepping closer to her pouting brother, who slouched in his chair, right beside Azula, for he knew his sister's voice tone could only herald a negative answer to his request. "You've seen a lot of stuff, I'll give you that… but I don't think you, of all people, can watch your wife go through excruciating pain without losing your mind. So… no. You really can't stay."

"I could try…" Sokka whimpered, though Azula laughed beside him.

"It might be good if you leave. You really might be so disgusted by birthing you'll choose not to sleep with me ever again…"

"Okay, now that's even worse than the last one! As if that could ever happen, Azula!"

"Uh, I'm still here, remember? I absolutely don't need to hear you two talk about your sex life, thank you very much," Katara said, with a disgusted twitch of her eyebrow. Azula couldn't help but laugh at her sister-in-law's expression, and Sokka huffed while rolling his eyes at Katara.

"Right, because Azula's about to give birth to our second kid because a spirit somehow induced pregnancy miraculously in her!" Sokka said, smirking sarcastically.

"Eh, if anything the most fun part of pregnancy is the means through which you get knocked up, it's true…" Azula smiled, and Sokka snickered in her direction as Katara shuddered, making exaggerated gagging noises.

She made her way to the nearest window, feigning to puke through it while Sokka and Azula laughed at her dramatic acting. Still, as amusing as Katara's reaction was, they both knew she was only helping them stall, letting them have just another short moment together, if nothing else.

"Well… sounds like I can't convince her, or you, after all. But hey, I'll be standing right outside the door. I'll be so close it'll be as if I'm in here anyway," Sokka declared, pouting a little. Azula laughed and nodded, clasping his hand in hers again.

"Then you'll be within range to hear me scream like a dying ostrich horse once the worst of it begins. Sweet," she said, raising her eyebrows in his direction. Sokka snorted at the comparison she had drawn, shaking his head and kissing her brow.

"Want me to scream right back from the hallway? That way you sure won't feel lonely, not even for a second," he suggested. Despite her nervousness should have been ramping up, Azula couldn't help but laugh, clutching at Sokka with a hand, hoping to keep him close for as long as possible.

"I'm sure everyone will think we're mad… eh, I guess they already think that, actually. And they might be right, since this sounds like a brilliant idea to me. Please, do it," Azula grinned, as Sokka chuckled and pressed many kisses to her face.

"Perfect," he said, just in time for Katara to huff in disbelief.

"Don't you two think birthing is a delicate enough situation to add wild hollering across a door to the mix?" she asked. Sokka bit his lip, deferring to Azula… who offered a simple enough answer to Katara:

"Nah, I think it'll fit just right, if anything," she decided. Despite herself, Katara couldn't help but laugh as Sokka grinned warmly at his wife.

"Take as long as you need to. We'll be patient out there," he said, prodding her nose with his own.

"The next time we see each other… our family will be bigger by one member," Azula smiled, just as sweetly. A blissful laugh left his lips, and his eyes glistened beautifully. Azula couldn't help but wish their next child would have eyes just like his…

"That's right," he said, beaming before reaching to caress Azula's large baby bump. "We'll meet you very soon, buddy. Hold on tight… and please go easy on your mommy, alright? She's done her best to give birth to you safely, so don't give her a lot of trouble, 'kay?"

Azula's eyes were tearful as Sokka leaned close, pressing a kiss to her bump. He had done it often throughout the pregnancy, chatting excitedly to their baby, most often singing praises about Azula that she'd only be able to silence by kissing him fiercely and busying his mouth with something other than talking. He had looked forward to meeting their child for as long as he'd known she was expecting it… and she couldn't wait to see the look on his face, once he entered the room again, to find her holding their newborn baby.

Sokka smiled at her, still caressing her womb before bringing their lips together, offering her his courage, his strength, all the willpower and certainty she had feared she'd lack in such a momentous occasion. It would be hard, she knew, but her heart was set on seeing this through to the end. Birthing was difficult enough, she knew as much by experience… but the other side of it, the joy of holding her own child, could chase away the pain far faster than any medicine or waterbending healing could.

"I love you, Azula," he whispered, once he pulled away from their kiss. "I don't want to leave… but I'll be back as soon as my mean sister allows it. I promise."

"Make sure you get a snack… and go to the bathroom right after you leave now," Azula suggested, and Sokka raised an eyebrow, amused. "It'd suck if… if, by the time this is done, you were halfway through one of your famous potty breaks…"

"Uh, yeah, fair enough, I'll take one of those now," Sokka said, grimacing as Azula laughed. "Take it easy, as much as you can anyway, and breathe just as they told you to. Though, heh, you know how this works better than I do anyway, so I guess my advice is pointless…"

"You just want me to suffer as little as possible, I know," Azula smiled. "It's fine, Sokka. I love you too. By the time the baby's coming I might hate you a little, though, for putting me through this… but by the end I'll be grateful. I promise."

"I sure hope so," Sokka chuckled, kissing her lips once more. "Whatever would I do if my wife and the mother of my children hated me, huh?"

"Oh, please… like that could ever truly happen," Azula teased him. Sokka laughed, and tears blinked in both their eyes as he pressed one more kiss to her lips.

It seemed there could never be enough kisses, enough reassurances that he was here with her, that she would overcome this challenge, like she did… but as Katara guided him to the door – just as her other helpers arrived, too – Sokka's gaze held Azula's own. The truth was that no door, no walls, would ever come between them: their hearts were closely bonded, beating as one, flooding Azula's system with her well-known certainty that no matter the distance, no matter the struggles they faced, Sokka was always with her. She hadn't been alone for years now… and as those gentle blue eyes still gazed upon hers, just before the door closed behind him, Azula knew she never would be. Not as long as the best man she had ever known stood right outside her room, waiting eagerly to return to her side.

#sokkla saturdays #sokklasaturday #azula #sokka #sokkla #steambaby incomiiiiiiing #and it is for sure a cute one #;3;#supportive hubby Sokka makes my life brighter #Azula deserves all the love #and all the reassurances #and all the encouraging #makes my heart melt when she gets all those things *gross sobbing*#anyway here goes I'm actually pretty happy with this one so I hope you all enjoy it #(... also if anyone's really sly and clever you can probably tell that there's more to this chap than meets the eye...#... but I ain't gonna confirm or deny anything *innocent whistling and walks away*)

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embeanwrites · 4 years

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Finding Home Gavin Reed x Reader

Ch 27

Masterlist

I was sitting at the front of the lecture hall with my laptop grading the end of the semester presentations. Part of me regretted not doing a one and done scantron to make my life easier, but the students brought a lot of interesting topics that made it all feel worth it. One student went into detail about the Jericho raid and talked about the legality of it, which I had been toying with mentioning in my book. It was interesting to see another side of the conversation.

Most of the students had decided on doing a presentation rather than a paper and a few students even went with ideas that are way outside of the box. One student had made a short comic book depicting different events that had happened in Detroit with the sociological theory and explanation of the theory. It was easily one of the coolest projects in the bunch and luckily the student is letting me keep it. I plan to scan it and use it next semester, giving the student credit of course. It was clear some students half-assed their projects, but way less did than I expected which I consider a plus since this was my first real course and I knew from experience students tended to take advantage of first-year teachers’ inexperience.

After the final presentation was done I noticed we still had ten minutes left, perfect to say goodbye to my class. It was hard to believe how fast time had gone by, but with one semester done I couldn’t wait to teach this class again with what I’ve learned this first time. Hopefully, with time the school would assign me some different courses.

“Well, everyone, it's been amazing being your professor. This class was so fun to teach and I enjoy everyone’s questions and participation. I truly hope you’ve learned something about android and human relationships and the complexity that goes with it, even moving forward. This class has a lot of information I hope you can apply to your everyday life.

“I appreciate all the feedback I got and I’m sorry that we didn’t have a guest speaker this semester, things just got too crazy in the middle, but hopefully that will be different next semester and I will see what I can do about giving you all the opportunity to sit in on the class that day.

“All of your projects were truly amazing. I was blown away by not only the creativity but the quality of them. I wish you all the best of luck on the remainder of your finals and I hope to see you all around campus. Please feel free to stop by my office anytime you need someone to talk to or have a question.”

I smiled and waved to the students as they left. Some stopped to say goodbye, but many just went ahead and left. Which was fine, I remember finals week in undergrad. What a nightmare of a time. It felt good being done and now I had four weeks to prepare and relax for next semester. Four weeks to also settle into Gavin’s house. I was also almost fully done packing and Gavin, Connor, and Tina were helping me move my stuff over in three days. I was excited to say goodbye to that sad apartment. I just assumed I would live there until my contract expired and move on with my life. Now I was happy I had barely unpacked, less to pack now.

As everyone filed out I gathered my stuff and put on my coat. I was meeting Gavin at the precinct, he was taking the afternoon off so we could go shopping for some new furniture and decor for the house.

I decided to walk to the precinct since it wasn’t that long of a walk and for early December it wasn’t too bad out. I knew if I got sick I would never hear the end of it from Gavin and Nines about the importance of staying out of the cold. There was a light dusting of snow on the ground, but it was sunny out, and not a lot of wind. It was relaxing to see the city so peaceful. It was almost the first anniversary of the android revolution, I needed to talk to dad and Gavin to see if we could do something special for Connor and Nines. To think one year ago many people were fleeing Detroit and the streets were on complete lockdown due to peaceful protesting. I looked over to see an abandoned Cyberlife store, I thought about asking Elijah about their plans for the remaining stores. With no clear laws, Cyberlife was in a major gray area, currently, they were only allowed to give spare parts directly to androids for free.

Sighing, I walked into the precinct and gave a small wave to the receptionist. At this point, they all knew who I was and I didn’t have to check-in. Walking into the bullpen the first thing I noticed was that Gavin was in Fowler’s office, so I walked over to dad’s and Connor’s desks. I gave my dad a pat on the shoulder as I moved to jump up on Connor’s desk since my dad’s was too messy to sit on.

“How was your last day of class?” Connor asked, leaning back in his chair. His LED was a calm blue. I smiled at him and noted the calm feeling around the two of them. Desk duty was clearly doing dad some good, even though both of them were eager to get back in the field. Connor had made that very apparent when he took Sumo out for a walk, that turned more into a run.

“It was really good. I’ll have to show you some of the projects I got. I think you’ll find them interesting. Maybe you could even pass them on to Markus, there’s one in particular that I think he’ll like. The student included a lot of artwork.” I hummed and looked up at Fowler’s office. From where I was sitting I could tell Gavin was frustrated, his fist were clenched and his body language was stiff.

“Markus would definitely enjoy that. I’ll contact him to see when he’s free. I know he’s been busy with negotiations still.”

“It’s been almost a year. I wish the government would work with them instead of stalling. Warren is just trying to stay neutral to keep her approval ratings decent.” Connor nodded in agreement. Androids were still not allowed to vote, so Warren didn’t have to worry about their votes. Hopefully, Markus would be able to change that soon. Androids should be able to vote in their own representatives. Snapping out of my thoughts that were meant more for a paper and less for small talk I shook my head and looked over to Fowler’s office. “What’s Gavin doing in Fowler’s office?”

“End of the year evaluations.” My dad answered. I nodded and glanced over to where Nines was sitting. He was facing Fowler’s office and watching the two men talk, from his expression and Gavin’s it didn’t seem to be going well. I wondered for a moment if Nines was able to hear them and if he could, could Connor? “Are you two going furniture shopping?”

“Furniture and just house stuff.” I pulled my legs up and moved to face my dad, sitting criss-cross applesauce.

“You two are pretty serious, huh?” He asked, I couldn’t help but smile and nod. “It’s nice seeing you both happy.”

“Thank you. I know it’s been hard to get used to us being together, but I appreciate it.” I looked back towards the office and saw Gavin shaking Fowler’s hand and heading out. We made eye contact and he grimaced. “Alright, I’ll see you two later!” I said my goodbyes to dad and Connor and walked over to Gavin’s desk. He was quickly packing up his stuff and avoiding eye contact with me and Nines. “Hey, you okay?” I whispered. He shook his head as he swung a backpack over his shoulder.

“Let’s just get out of here.” I nodded and grabbed his hand. Gavin led me out of the precinct and towards his car in silence. Occasionally I squeezed his hand, hoping to offer some reassurance.

We both got into the car, but Gavin made no move to start his car, instead he leaned forward and laid his head on the steering wheel. I watched him take a few deep breaths and I moved to rub his back.

“Do you-”

“I didn’t get the promotion.” Gavin interrupted me, keeping his head down. I could feel him tense up under my hand.

“Gav, it’s ok-”

“It’s not okay!” He shouted, his head shot up as he smacked the steering wheel with both hands, the loudness stunning me for a moment. I moved my hand from his back to his shoulder, attempting to keep him grounded in the moment. “I worked so fucking hard for this. I work my ass off. I’m constantly working on cases even outside of work and the thanks I get is ‘be better!’ What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?” Gavin was seething but keeping his eyes forward. He hit the steering wheel again, hitting the horn on accident. “Fuck.” He whispered hoarsely, looking over to me. He looked exhausted and his eyes were glassy.

“Hey,” I whispered, cupping his face with both of my hands. I gently pulled him closer and kissed his forehead. “I don’t care what Fowler says. You are a kick-ass detective, you’re smart, you’re dedicated to your job, and I love you. Just because you didn't get the promotion today doesn’t mean you won’t ever get it. Go in tomorrow and prove him wrong every day until he understands that you are the right man for the job.” Gavin sighed and closed his eyes, leaning into my touch.

“I-I know we’re supposed to go shopping-” He stuttered.

“Let’s head home, we can shop another day. Nothing we had planned today is urgent.” I kissed him gently and I felt him release a sigh of relief. He gently pulled back to start the car. I buckled my seat belt as we headed back to the house.

The drive was quiet, neither of us made a move to turn on the radio. I closed my eyes and laid my head against the window, listening to Gavin drum his fingers to a beat inside his head on the dashboard. Gavin really deserved that promotion. There were more times I could count where I would wake up around 3 am and find Gavin still working on a case. He was dedicated to his job and he dedicated himself to every case he had.

Pulling into the driveway, we both made our way into the house and immediately plopped down on the couch. Gavin put his head in my lap and closed his eyes. I started running my hands gently through his hair, feeling the tension leave his body. He made no attempt to move or talk, so I started humming softly.

“Thank you.” He murmured.

“Of course, Gav.” I gently moved one of my hands to sit on top of one of his which was on his chest. He intertwined our fingers almost immediately.

“You’re so good for me.” He said, his eyes were still closed so he didn’t see my smile.

“You deserve good, Gav,” I whispered, quickly resuming my humming and attempting to comfort him. “Hey, have you thought about asking my dad for a letter of recommendation or for him to talk to Fowler?” Gavin let out a sigh.

“I feel like that’s wrong.” He whispered.

“Why?”

“Because we’re dating, he’d feel like he’d have to.” He opened his eyes and looked up at me. He looked so exhausted, the bags under his eyes were purple. I gently ran my thumb across his eyebrow.

“My dad would say no if he didn’t think you were right for the job, Gavin. Maybe just ask him what more you could do? He’s not putting in a good word for you, he’s just giving you advice. You shouldn’t feel bad about that.” I said softly, he closed his eyes and sighed.

“Maybe.” He mumbled. “I’m sorry we didn’t go to the store.”

“Don’t be. We can go some other time. There’s nothing on our list that’s urgent and even if there was you are more important than anything on that list.” I leaned down and kissed his forehead.

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

After about half an hour of Gavin laying in my lap, he left to take a shower while I made something low effort for us to eat. We spent the rest of the day just lounging about and cuddling. Even the cats ended up snuggling into both of us. Nines would be very disappointed in our food choices and lack of doing anything productive, but it really seemed to help Gavin. Which at the end of the day, was all that mattered to me.

#gavin reed #gavin reed x reader #dbh gavin reed #dbh #detroit become human #connor #rk800 #x reader #fan fiction

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