#if you haven't read any of her writing already you absolutely should

[soutsuji]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TSUJIMURA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More versions under the cut

[jinxthequeergirl]

The Ol Switcharoo (pt2)

Stan pines x reader /ford pines x reader

Summary: Your family vacation lasted longer than expected. When you return home to Stanford, you realize quickly something wrong.

Warning: NONE

Hey! Just some housekeeping before you read on

☆Thanks for all the love ya'll it means bunches

☆this part is shorter do to me wanting to pace this better, but I hope yall enjoy none the less!

☆a few of ya'll asked to be tagged so I'm starting a tag list if you'd like to be included don't hesitate to ask

☆additionally I did have a Playlist for this specific series and if ya'll would like me to post the songs for it also lemme know

Enjoy!

~~~~~☆~~~~~

"STANLEY HELP!"

Stan felt himself freeze up, his heart race and mind go blank, why couldn't he think? Why couldn't he move?

He watched in horror as his brother floated up backwards through the air into the gaping hole in space and time.

"Do something!"

"What...what do i do!?" He asked meekly, looking around for something to help.he watched as parts of his brother slowly disappeared, and as he reached into his coat pocket and tossed something at him. "Hide my research...CALLL Y/N ANYTHING-"

Stan shielded his eyes as a bright white light filled the room and knocked him back onto the floor. The room was suddenly quiet.

"Ford!?...Ford! Come back!" He wasted no time to get back up and bang on the machine, hoping it would start back up like an old appliance. "Please!"

He raced to the lever a few feet away, desperately pulling and yanking at it, but it didn't budge.

"Stanford!?...Ford!? Are you home yet!?" The small coo of an unfamiliar voice snapped Stan from his nightmare.

"Hello!?" The voice echoed out again. He quickly got up, reaching for his only form of security. A baseball bat.

The voice had gone silent, but he could still hear someone moving he took a long pause, then opened the door swinging his bad.

"FORD WAIT! WAIT, IT'S ME! ITS Y/N!!"

Y/n?

He stopped swinging the bat and stared down at you.

"Call y/n! Anything-"

"Y/n?"

"Yes, it's me, Ford! I haven't been gone that long have i?"

He cleared. "No not at all we have some catching up to do."

You could tell there was something ford...well stan (you'd have to get used to the sudden name change) wanted to tell you while you sat across from him. Like he wanted to give you bad news. But he seemed to be thinking of the right way to put it.

"So..stan...what made you want to change from Ford to stan? Did your family have that much of an impact on you?" You tried to joke to lighten the tension that seemed to linger in the air.

"Well...something like that...listen y/n-"

"Are you OK? You seem...different you seem nervous...more nervous then when I left.." You placed your hand over top of his and offered a reasuring smile.

"I..."

stan didn't know you...he had no right to lie to you. But Ford seemed to trust you and judging from the photo on his desk in the basement, how fondly he seemed to write about you in the journal...the scrapped drawings of you in the garbage you meant a whole lot more to him then stan could understand right now, you must have felt the same way about his brother.

He remembered how worried his brother had been in making sure he understood you were absolutely under no circumstances to not touch the journals or anything pertaining to it again.

"My closest friend y/n and I have been working on this project for months now...I should have listened to her but I didn't...I need you to get rid of this journal she can't be near any of this when she returns."

"Did something happen with the portal?...with that...creature? And what happened to your hands!" You said now, pulling both hands into yours to examine them.

Besides, you already seemed so worried. He couldn't be the one to break the news to you. Not now.

Besides, he had a plan.

Sort of.

So he did what he did best.

Lied.

"Well...uh while you were away, I had a little accident. I had to get surgery...yea surgery, and the accident you know was from the portal...so I said, Forget the whole thing! "

He Tried to say it in a way that would convince even himself.

"Stanford, what do you mean? What happened? Are you just going to give up on everything we worked for?"

"I have to, I just need some time."

Neither of you noticed at first that you were holding hands as you spoke. Stan was the first to notice the closeness. It was the first time in what felt like years that anyone had shown him this kind of affection, let alone the kindness you were demonstrating with your concern.

"I don't know what happened while I was away or when you even had time for something to go wrong or why you would even start working again without me!" He noticed the slight annoyance building up and squeezed your hand.

And you took a breath. "But I understand and I won't pretend to know what happened and if you aren't ready to tell me I can respect that...things got a little rocky between us before I left and I'm really just hoping things can go back to the way they used to be with us. If a longer break and time is what you need... then I am 100% behind your decision."

He felt a wave of relief wash over him at your words. Maybe it wasn't your words but the kind-hearted look in your eyes, or maybe it was the way you still held his hands in yours.

You'd be the first two admit two things about your current situation.

One, Nostalgia was a funny thing. You knew when something was off about your bestfriend, the man infront of you was was a changed man, while his story didn't add up he looked shaken and defeated...after all this was the man you trusted with half your life. And you wouldn't lie, you had clung so desperately to the memories of college and spring through winter, it was that glimmer of hope and a mix of Nostalgia for your good times together that made you believe him.

And two, You always knew better then to trust your heart you and Ford would joke about the idea of following your heart and not your brain, how silly a concept it was that the organ that pumped blood through your body had such a pull on your decision making it made your thought process stop.

Yet here you where.

Following your heart.

"How about a few drinks and I can tell you about my trip?" You offered standing and being the first to break the lock between your hands. "And I can tell you about the plans I have for this place!"

"Plans?"

"Sure! I mean, we aren't doing our science junk anymore, so we need to make money somehow, right?"

You set down two glasses.

"Ok?"

You sat down, you listened to him explain how he had already done a few tours displaying whatever you had already had laying around and how people where eating it up.

"Stanford you've never been one for the gimmicky tricks, you've always cared more about the real deal...WE'VE been about the real deal...why lie to people?"

"Trust me y/n do a tour with me tomorrow try to show the people a real life monster and whatchamacallit and put it up against my made up creature."

You laughed. This wasn't what you had expected Stanford pines to spend his break away from work doing. It was out of character for him. But refreshing somehow.

Just like that, the seasons changed, and it was spring again

You learned quickly people didn't like the truth.

Real monsters and ghouls seemed to only upset or bother people so you and stan collaborated a way to make attractions that seemed real enough but also gimmicky enough that tourists would eventually laugh at it.

You learned pretty quickly that you were not only a pretty crafty person but an excellent storyteller.

You and Stanford seemed to almost pick up where you left off bonding and cracking jokes. It was like he was more confident than when you left him, more relaxed and full of life. You two fit right back into place with eachother with out missing a beat.

It's exactly what you'd been missing.

Soon, you were renovating half the house to be a showroom and giftshop, and soon after you were selling and wearing t shirts, you began putting up a sign. By the following summer, you were basically an operational business.

The mystery shack felt more like a brain child of you and Stanford and you cared for it like such.

It was something fun.

Something that didn't seem to be running Stanford down like the science stuff did. You could see a genuine smile on his face as he showed some local kid the corni-corn.

It was silly. You couldn't remember the last time you'd done something silly and adventurous.

It felt good.

"Another day another dollar y/n my dear." Stan said, flipping the open sign to close and placing his little red fez cap on top of your head.

"Soon enough, we'll have people from all over the place coming to get a piece of the mystery shack." He said, wrapping his arm around your shoulders, leading you back to the section of the Mystery shack that was still your shared home.

"Yea, we have a real Walt Disney start-up story, don't we stanford." He laughed loudly before suddenly getting serious.

"Listen. I wanted to say thank you for sticking with me through this. It means a lot."

"Of course, stanford." You reached up and planted a small peck on his cheeks. "We've been through everything together. I'm not going to stop now."

You could see stans face flush slightly as you stretched and yawned. "Anyways goodnight stanford."

"Uh yea...goodnight..." You heard him mumble as he touched his cheek where you kissed him.

Things where looking up.

~~~~~☆~~~~~

Tag list!:

@fanficcrow

@slay-thou-pookie

[jsprnt]

a no-contact relationship break, is shaken when your boyfriend finds out you’re getting hit on by other guys

kenan yıldız x long distance! reader

A/N: Probably my last fic before I go on my writing break!! Based on this request, thank you babe!! 🤍

W/C: 1.934

you drop the pen in your hand, shifting your gaze from your notes to your pinging phone. the screen had been lighting up for the past few minutes. the repeated buzzing of the device started to piss you off, distracting you from your assignment.

you were currently studying in the united states, as an international student. in your first year of college, it was tough, to say the least.

you snatch your phone off your desk, squinting when the light emitting from your screen hits your exhausted face.

sighing, you unlock your phone, opening the messages in your notification center. your eyes widen slightly when you notice the sender of the- multiple messages.

kenan..

you had not spoken to him in a few weeks, it had been radio silent on both ends, so a sudden message made you worry..

you click on a message, being directed to your messaging app. glad you turned off your read receipts a long time ago. your eyes skim over the messages, your brows furrowing in confusion.

"y/n"

"i know we haven't spoken in a while"

"and you're busy with studying.."

"but I'm worried about you"

"don't you think we should talk?"

you let out a deep sigh, already knowing you're done for the day. placing your phone back down, you ponder to yourself. you turn your laptop off, slipping it into its case.

blowing out your scented candle, and placing your stationary back into its place, you stand up from your bed.

your happy that your roommate is out tonight. spending the night with her boyfriend. you didn't care if it was allowed or not, but being alone meant that it was the perfect night to- call him..

you grab a makeup wipe, wiping off any mascara residue on your face. you go on and do your nighttime routine in the communal bathrooms, next to your dorm room.

you jump into bed when all clean. pulling the blanket on your body, and shove your charger into the power socket next to your pillows, your screen lighting up when you plug your phone in.

sighing, you place your phone next to you, mentally trying to convince yourself to ignore the messages.

kenan and you were technically still in a relationship, just on a break for now. it had been a couple weeks since you both had decided to go on a break.

you still didn't know what you were to each other, especially when you were on a break. but, a situationship, could be an arguable term to use..

currently, your main focus is your academic goals. you wanted to study, get your education up, and widen your horizons.

as a young, recently turned adult- life was challenging to navigate. just like many of your classmates in high school, you decided to continue studying.

your appetite for education and academic achievements pushed you to focus on school, unlike kenan.

to him, his life was all planned out. he had graduated from high school, and the only thing he wanted to do for the rest of his life was play football until he physically wasn't able to, then retire, and live a calm life..

you loved him, of course. you tried to attend almost every match he invited you to, supported him when he was overseas, and made sure you respected the time he needed to train. before he came back absolutely exhausted, leaving no time for you to spend with him.

this lead to multiple arguments, for weeks, you'd told him about your concerns. you were worried you both would grow apart, without even noticing.

the entire conversation had come crashing down, when you had a full-on breakdown, after he had cancelled your date, with just a single, small sentence.

you stood there in front of him, dressed to impress, only to hear a soft 'I'm tired, sorry, liebe..", while he threw himself onto your bed.

your face had dropped, tears running down your face by the time you'd stopped yelling at him, telling him how 'fucking draining' it is to try to upkeep the relationship.

by the end of that night, you had both shed tears, curses and apologies leaving kenan's lips as he'd realized how you felt.

you had both come to the conclusion to go on a break, time apart would be better for the two of you. time to figure out your own identities, and trying to navigate what actually drove you to accomplish more in your young lives.

to get your mind off the situation, and to be alone for a while- you had immediately filled out an application to study in the united states for half your school year.

it was insanely difficult at first, but slowly you came to like your environment. meeting new people at multiple frat parties on the weekends, and having more friends than you could ever dream of.

you turn in your bed, and shift for a couple minutes. your eyes flickering to the clock on the wall.

it was almost nine-thirty, if you calculated right, like you've been doing every single time you think of kenan, it was almost three in morning in turpin, italy.

you wonder if he's still up, it's unusual for him to be up this late. he had a match tomorrow, you knew that because you definitely stalked him on numerous football apps.

old habits die hard..

you wanted to see his handsome face, those pretty eyes that looked at you like you were the most beautiful being on earth. his smile that had you cheesing, and not to forget, his fluffy hair.

the hair you would always run your fingers through, comforting him when he was sad, or verbally helping him sort difficult things out..

you scoff at yourself, just a couple weeks ago you were crying over the fact that he was too busy for you. now, seeing a couple texts from him, had your heart beating as fast as it was, when you first caught sight of him, back in high school.

you finally cave in, sitting up in your bed, back leaning against your cheap headboard. you turn your phone on quickly, fingers tapping on the all too familiar name.

it was all muscle memory at this point, and you suck in a breath before sending kenan a message.

"are you still up?"

"call me if you're up.."

you text, sending it, and rub a hand down your face. waiting for him to reply, or call you.

it only takes a few more seconds before you see your screen change, your reflection starting back at you.

a video call?

being honest, you didn't look your best. dressed in old pajamas, hair undone and skin going through it.

though, kenan had seen you at your worst already, and you had seen his worst as well..

you click on the green circle, adjusting your camera so you can, at least, look a little decent.

you hold your breath when he accepts. eyes roaming around his face. he looked noticeably different than the last time you saw him, in real life at least.

"hi.." you begin, blinking at him. silence falling in between you.

he looks exhausted, eye bags visible and dark, his fluffy hair all messy and unkempt.

"y/n.." he speaks your name, his voice thick and raspy. it obvious he hasn't slept yet, though he looks insanely tired.

"you wanted to talk?.." you speak, voice a whisper, even though you knew nobody could eavesdrop on you.

"I did, schatz.." the nickname falls from his mouth before he can stop himself, his expression turning visibly flushed.

"well, what did you want to say?"

"how are you? how's boston?"

"fine, it's better than I thought it would be.." your words feel empty, voice slightly quivering from nerves. "how are you?" you ask, shifting, so he can see your face properly.

he doesn't answer for a moment, eyes glued on you, before his lips part.

"good, training for the euros.."

"in germany? It's like three in the morning over there. why are you up?"

"you calculated that quickly.." kenan says, and you notice a glint in his eyes. the one he always does when he tries make you flustered or tease you..

"it's a six-hour difference, kenan.."

you hear his breath hitch after you say his name, and he moves out of frame for a moment.

"i miss you."

the words hit you like multiple bricks, your eyes widening slightly at the confession. you missed him too, you missed him to death..

"i want you here, liebe. right next to me, reading your little book, while you play with my hair. I can't sleep without you, schatz."

you gasp unknowingly, dropping your phone onto your mattress, before picking it up quickly.

you open your mouth to say anything, something- but you're beat to it by kenan..

"I can't stand it. I can't stand- knowing you're so far away. dressed in the prettiest dress, having fun, and partying all night. so many men coming up to you, asking for your number. I can't be there and keep them away from you. I can't keep you safe. do you tell them that you have a boyfriend? do you call me- us a situationship?"

you take his words in, looking away from the screen.

"how do you know all of that?" you ask, voice with a sharp edge to it.

"elena told me.."

your best friend, back home.

"what did she say?" you frown, sitting up straight.

elena and you had been the closest friends for years now. you would tell her absolutely everything, and talking about guys hitting on you was definitely something you told her last week.

"she dm'd me via instagram, remember when you made me follow her in case I needed to contact you, but your phone was dead?"

you hum at the memory, huffing and getting impatient.

"well, what did she say?"

"she told me you're partying. that's not my problem, of course. she told me you're getting hit on left and right. elena told me I should ‘get my shit together’ and reach out to you, before I lose you to any one of those disgusting frat boys.."

you watch his jaw clench, his facial expression blank as he looks into the camera.

“kenan..” you say, looking away for a moment, trying to gather your thoughts.

“I miss you too..”

your own words open the flood gates of your eyes, and you move your phone away from your face. soft sobs making your body shake and slump over.

“don’t cry, baby..” he whispers, his own brown eyes glimmering with tears, and he wishes he was right there, next to you..

“I can’t help it. I want to see you again, but will you ever change or actually want to be together?”

“of course I will, liebe. spending so much time away from each other, it makes me think of how I’ve treated you. I was an absolute idiot, but I want to make it right, baby..”

“how will you do that?” you ask, trying to wipe the tears away, though, they don’t stop.

he’s quiet for a moment, but speaks when he’s thought about it.

“okay, when you’re back in turpin, I want to see you. when you land, I’ll pick you up, and we’ll talk. is that okay, baby?

you nod almost immediately, slightly self-conscious about how desperate you to reunite with him.

“good, baby- now go to bed, okay? I know you have class tomorrow. sleep tight, I love you so much..”

“I love you too, kenan..”

[winterrrnight]

babe I just had the best idea for a rafe concept it pains me

Okay so imagine like reader is at work (somewhere idk where) and she just gets so overwhelmed but her and rafes relationship is still new so she doesn't call him because she doesn't wanna bother him....😭

I'm probably not the first person to think of this but it ON MY MINDDDD

literally dropped everything to write this!!!! this reader is way too me coded and I cannot :’) thank you so so much for the req vee 🥹💗 you asked for a concept… I wrote a fic…. :D I hope you like this vee <3

down for you

PAIRING: soft!rafe cameron x gn!reader

SUMMARY: rafe wants you to be able to rely on him for anything and everything.

WARNINGS: the reader is a preschool teacher and quite self dependent; lots of fluff; cute nicknames; lovesick rafe (my fav fr); minimal swearing

EDITH SPEAKS: this request speaks volumes to me 🥹 this is way too me coded, and I just had to write it, I hope you all like this! the ending is maybe a bit abrupt tho :( please like and reblog if you liked reading <3 feedback is always appreciated 🍹

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I should leave, I haven't yet, but when you smile, I just forget

↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-

You can swear this day can't get any worse. You’ve been on your feet basically the entire day, always rushing from your students here to there. You love the little kiddos with your entire heart, but today, for some reason, they are being an extra pain in the ass. They aren’t as cooperative as you’d prefer; you don’t know what’s gotten into them, they are like little energy packets constantly running around.

Due to some teacher duties you aren’t even able to sit down for your lunch break, taking away the only 15 minutes you have to yourself. And it just gets progressively worse when you finally leave the school to go back to your place and your car has a slashed tire, and today had to be the day when you don’t have a spare tire in your trunk.

It’s been over 6 hours since you left your house this morning, and it’s just Tuesday, but it’s feeling like the longest, most excruciating week ever. You’re now leaning against your car door, letting out a deep exhale as you lean your head back, feeling a headache creep into your brain and pulse harshly. You’re tired, hungry, absolutely exhausted… and all you want are the warm hugs of your boyfriend.

Your boyfriend.

Rafe is quite a new addition in your life, both of you being together for a mere month. He’s been so loving to you, always protective and just genuinely taking great care of you.

You pull out your phone and find his contact, but before you can dial him, your thumb hovers over his name in sudden realization – he’s always at work at this time.

You begin to contemplate your initial decision of asking him to come here to help you out, and then ultimately decide against it, realizing he’s probably very busy at work, and would only be heavily distracted if you call him.

So, just like how you always do it, you decide to take matters into your own hands.

↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-

It’s nearing 6 pm when you finally get to reach your place. You had to make calls to get yourself a mechanic to get your car fixed, who took his sweet sweet time to come to you. You’re now completely exhausted, wanting nothing more than just to plop on your bed and sleep till your heart desires. You can hear your stomach grumble since you never had the chance to eat the lunch you missed out on, but you make it a problem for later, deciding to just take a nap first.

As you drive into your driveway, you recognise Rafe’s black Range Rover already parked, with him standing next to it, leaning back against the hood of his car as he’s looking intently at his phone. As he catches the sound of your car driving, he instantly looks up, watching your car enter the driveway.

Before you can properly park and get out, Rafe rushes to you, opening the door for you.

“Oh my god where have you been?” He asks you, his voice laced with concern. “I tried calling you and texting you, you always come back home by late afternoon,”

You step out of the car and Rafe shuts the door, a hand quickly landing at the small of your back as you both walk to the porch of your house. He can see you’re really tired; droopy eyes, heavy steps, deep sighs; he knows something happened.

“Yeah my phone died,” you mutter as you unlock the main door of your house, both of you stepping inside. “I just… today was kind of a heavy day, nothing much honestly,” you shrug as you toss your keys in the dish and remove your coat and shoes.

“What happened?” Rafe asks, still really concerned for you as he watches you take off your cost and hang it on the coat rack. As you’re done, you face him with a small smile on your face.

“Nothing much, really,” you say softly, gently cupping his cheek with a hand and tenderly caressing his skin. “Don’t worry, yeah?” You mumble, taking your hand off his cheek as you make your way to the kitchen.

Rafe stays on your heels, following you and monitoring every single move of yours – your padding till the fridge, opening it, getting a bottle of water, unscrewing it and drinking from it.

“You look so exhausted, I can see it in your eyes,” he comments. “Your hair is all messy, your clothes are dirty; it’s clearly not nothing. Come on, tell me, what happened,”

His voice is stern, but not in an angry way; but in an apprehensive way. He moves his hand to your face, gently brushing your hair as he fixes some of the unruly strands.

As you finish drinking your water; drinking almost all of it in one go, you keep your bottle aside and let out a sigh, turning to look at him. “It was just one of those… heavy days, but it’s over now yeah? I’m now home,” you say softly.

“But just tell me what happened,” Rafe’s voice now drops to a whisper as he moves closer to you, continuing to weave his fingers through your hair.

You close your eyes for a moment, delving into the relaxing feeling of Rafe’s fingers softly combing through your hair, but also realizing he’s going to keep pressing for you to tell him what happened.

“The kids were a bit uncooperative today,” you say with a soft chuckle. “And then we have this event coming up at school, so I was busy for my entire lunch break preparing for it. And then my car had a flat tire and I didn’t have a spare so I had to get a mechanic, which took most of the time. But besides that, nothing much happened,” you say with a small shrug.

“Besides all that?” Rafe mutters incredulously. “That’s already a lot, baby, why didn’t you call me when you found out about your flat tire? I would’ve come; or sent someone to get you, we would’ve had lunch in my office, and I would have had someone take care of the tire and bring your car back too.” There’s a small frown on his face and he now holds your face in both his hands, gently skimming your cheeks with his thumbs.

You look up in his soft, baby blue eyes. “I did think of calling you but-”

“But?”

“But I thought…” you take a deep breath, your eye contact with him faltering. “you’ll be busy, and I didn’t want to be a burden to you, really, I was able to get it all fixed just fine,”

You can hear Rafe tsk; his tongue clicking against his teeth as he softly shakes his head. “I’m never busy for you okay? My work does not ever get more importance than you, okay? It never does, and it never will, especially when you’re in trouble and need help,”

He gently grips your chin and tips your head back just a bit, making you look at him. His eyes are softened, the blue even more warmer than usual.

“I know you prefer to do things on your own,” he whispers, “but you have to realise that you really don’t need to do each thing on your own, especially now that I’m around. I won’t mind, really, and besides, I would love to show everyone off at work that I am the boyfriend of the most beautiful person on this damn planet yeah?”

You can’t help but chuckle softly at his words as you keep looking in his eyes.

“So, promise me, next time you need any sorts of help, want me to do something for you, or just want me to be there, you don’t think twice about calling me up okay?” He says softly, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

He can see the reluctancy in your eyes, but you eventually give in and nod.

“Okay, promise,” you murmur, smiling as you wrap your arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. He gladly hugs you back, snuggling his face in your neck as he gently rubs your back.

“So…” you speak up, and he hums back in response, both of you still hugging.

“I’ll take up on that offer right now. I’ll go and shower, and you make something for me to eat yeah?”

↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-

TAGLIST: @runningfrom2am @saccharinesammie @maybankslover @totalswag @madelynie @chenslucy @ietss @elle-mp3 @viawritesstuff @wallsdreams @lunalitva @sadfury @shores-kayla @jamesbuckybarneswify @xxxlaura @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles @callsignwidow @starkowswife @drewstarkeyswifehoe @jjchaer @f4ll-for-you @wearemadeofstardust0 @drewsmusee @rafegirly @addriaenne @leighbronk @rafesdrew @bejeweledreverie @raf3sgff @aerangi @drewstarkey1bae @moneymaybank @spideysimpossiblegirl @the-tortured-poets-depxrtment @rafesgiirl @theoraekenslover @fals3-g0d @personalfavsthatarerandom @b1mb0slvt

[residentflamingo]

Samurai Momo Headcannons

Hirai Momo x fem! chubby reader

AU: Ancient Japan/ Samurai 👺⛩️

Genre: fluff, a pinch of angst, & smut

Warnings: mentions of violence, war, sexual themes, & cursing

A/N: Surprise you guys! I decided to post this first instead of the Jihyo fic ;) Man this was so much fun to write! I thought it would be cool to write something like this since I haven't seen anyone write about the main love interest set in the Samurai era. It was a little tricky at first since I had to do a little research, but it's nothing I can't handle. Let me know if i did okay! This is my first time writing anything smut related so I’m very nervous about it 😅 It also kind of turned into a yapping session... Fun but also not fun fact, I've had this sitting in my drafts FOR A YEAR 💀 Ik, absolute insanity. Anyways, let me know if I should write more stuff like this! Enjoy reading, and check out my other works if you would like :) It's always greatly appreciated ❤️

Word count ———> 4,932

Who is this girl?

Hirai Momo is a well-respected and feared samurai in the Paand Xico Nation

Known for defeating many powerful armies and killing the best swordsmen

She is fierce on the battlefield and cocky as hell too

She doesn’t show any mercy

Merciful only towards townspeople who are in danger 

She is a samurai alongside her other 8 comrades called the “Osoroshī Defenders”

They rose to power after defeating an almighty empire, and saving their hometown, the Paand Xico Nation

They are known for being a fierce samurai squad with kind-hearted personalities

Momo has been best friends with her 8 samurai comrades ever since childhood when she first started samurai training

She grew very close with them over the years, and eventually told them that she was gay

The funny thing is, they knew already

When she told them Jihyo was like “Yeah we know. It's pretty obvious by the way you look at Y/N. You are definitely in love with her, and you get like a gay panic attack every time you see her.”

Momo was so glad that they were supportive of her

But she was also a little shocked since there was still the possibility of them being weirded out by her after her confession

She even cried that night while going to bed because she was so happy

The members like to tease her every now and then when she talks to you, or when she gushes to them over how cute you are 🥹

How you guys met

You and Momo were childhood friends

Met each other at a very young age

Both of your guys’ parents were close friends of each other’s so you crossed paths pretty often

The both of you spent time with each other a lot

You and Momo would go explore the woods, and play around in the creeks

Racing to the creek was essential for the both of you

Momo would let you win on some days just so she could see you smile

Sometimes you would dare her to do weird stuff, and she would always do it just to see your reaction

She even ate a worm once just because you told her too…

Momo likes to tease you a lot too

It’s one of her favorite things to do when she’s in a good mood

When you guys would be walking down the creek, sometimes she would splash water at you and you would get mud on your shoes/clothes

And she would just be dying laughing hearing your surprised scream after getting water splashed on you

"Hey why are you laughing at me?!"

"Y/N you should've seen the look on your face whenever you got splashed! Oh my gosh, it was so funny."

You two became inseparable over time

Momo’s mom would have to drag her home some days because she would be at your house for to long

“Honey you’re barely even home anymore since you spend so much time with that Y/N girl !”

As Momo got a little older, she became interested in wanting to be a samurai

She mostly wanted to be one so she could protect you one day, and to show off her cool skills

She loved how cool they looked, and the way they would fight with their swords

So she enthrall y begged her mom to take her to lessons

When she told you she was taking lessons to become a samurai, you were shook

“Y/n, did you hear? I’m gonna become a samurai!”

“Wait what?! When did you decide that?”

“I had my mom start taking me to lessons the other day! Someone’s gotta be able to protect you from the bad guys someday ;)”

You were very happy for her, but also very worried since she can be aloof at times

Momo loves to show off her cutting skills with her katana

After cutting down a small tree she would smirk at you and say, “Wanna give it a try, Y/N?”

How you became her crush

She developed a huuuge crush on you around the time when she started samurai training (10 yrs old)

(A/N: yeah I did some research, they really did have the kids start samurai training when they were 10 yrs old…)

Momo noticed how beautiful you were one summer night, when you both were stargazing while laying in a field of grass

She was mesmerized by your beauty, and how cute you sounded when you would giggle at her ranting about the stars

From then on, she had a habit of always admiring your looks 💕

“Momo what are you looking at?”

“Oh nothing. I just now noticed you have this little freckle on your nose that looks like a heart. It’s cute.”

You developed a crush on her some years later, after realizing how sweet she was with you

(both 16yrs old)

And you thought she was pretty cute too, with her long black hair, and her beautiful features

It was almost impossible not to fall in love with her

Momo would love to hand feed you snacks, and fix your hair when it would get messy

She also loved giving you makeovers during slumber parties

She’s really clingy and affectionate in general

we know what you are Momo

When you would catch her training, she always wanted to teach you a technique she learned that day

Would end up failing to do so because it was always some advanced shit

“Momo I don’t have any idea how to cut things with a katana, let alone do a flying kick afterwards !”

“Oh cmon on pleaaseee Y/N-chan, I promise it’s super easy. It won’t take very long to learn when you got me teaching you ;)”

She would purposely be hands-on while teaching you, and you would be a blushing mess while she helped you adjust your grip on the katana

Momo got protective of you as she got older, stronger, and more experience with training

(now both 18 yrs old)

And damn did she have some killer muscles

Especially her abs good lord-

When she would get a scratch on her, or a cut, you would always be there to bandage her up

And of course, Momo would be a blushing mess as you would put a patch on her cheek

Afterwards, you would always get onto her about how she needs to be more careful and whatnot

She would just laugh a little bit while looking at you with admiration

Momo found it so cute how protective you were of her, even though she was becoming a tough samurai

At school, she would always glare at the boys that would try to hit on you

And she would protect you from bullies too

“Y/N what happened to your arm? Why is it all bruised?”

“A boy wouldn’t leave me alone after I told him I didn’t want to date him, so he fought me because he was so mad.”

“Momo did you hear? Someone beat up the same boy that punched me the other day… I wonder who it was.”

(clearly has bruises on her knuckles) “I don’t know, maybe it was a tougher girl or something. Who knows, he had it comin to him anyways.”

You thought it was cute how protective she was over you

Whenever you would cry, she would always be there to hold you and tell you sweet nothings

She hated seeing you cry :(

Your happiness is her happiness

Momo made a vow to herself that in the future, she would still be the one holding you like this but in a different setting

The confession

When Momo was finally finished with samurai training (20-21 yrs old), she was super excited

But her excitement didn’t last for long

She got the news that she would have to be sent out to war for a couple months, or even a year, along with the other troops and her 8 best friends

You were both devastated

What if I never see her again? What if I never get to tell her I love her?

On the day of Momo’s departure, your face was stained with a waterfall of tears

She was standing outside nearby the army of soldiers with you in her arms , waiting until they were ready to depart

You and Momo had been hugging for a really long time, making sure you both took each other in before it was time for her to leave

After some time, the main advisor of the squadron spoke up…

“Alright everyone, say your last goodbye’s to your loved ones. We will be heading out in no less than 5 minutes!”

Momo tried to let go of your grip, but you held onto her and moved your position so you could look her in the eyes

“Do you really have to go? Maybe you could fake an injury, and say you’re too crippled to fight or something.”

“I can’t do that Y/N, you know that. It’s my duty as a samurai to defend this nation with my life, and to make sure I can be the strongest warrior.”

“Yeah your right, I know you can’t just bail out. But, I’m just scared you won’t come back. How long do you think you’ll be gone? And what if you get really hurt?”

“Our advisor said we’d be gone for months, or even a year. It depends on how long the war goes. Me and the girls are scared too, but we’re also confident in our abilities. Don’t worry Y/N, you know I’m a tough cookie and I’ll be able to handle myself out there.”

She tried smiling at you after she said that, so it would somehow to calm you down a little

But she knew deep down, that you could read her like a book

You already knew how nervous she was just by looking in her eyes

“Alright everyone, get ready. We are leaving as of now! Momo, go get your horse and be ready to leave, or else you’ll get left behind!”

“Okay okay I’m coming! I have to go now Y/N, make sure you take care of yourself okay? I’ll be back before you know it. You won’t even realize I’m gone.”

“Okay Momo stay safe. I lo-.” You quickly stopped yourself. At that moment, you weren’t really sure if you wanted to confess your love to her yet

“What was that last part Y/N?”

“Oh nothing, just go Momorin. Your advisor looks pretty pissed.”

“Haha okay then. Goodbye Y/N. Stay safe for me okay?.”

“I will, I promise.”

Momo walked away with a smile on her face, but on the inside, she was heartbroken

She knew it would be a while before she could ever see you again

Momo jumped onto the horses saddle, and exhaled a long breath making sure it would prevent her from crying

But when she turned around and saw you waving, she made sure to engrave that image in her head until she saw you again in the months to come

You both waved back at each other until Momo seemed to be getting further away from the eye, as her horse trotted away. Soon becoming unrecognizable in the thick fog enveloping the forest

Memories came flooding back, as Momo’s horse trotted through the very same winding creeks and little caves you guys used to play in

Oh god how she missed you already, and it hadn’t even been 5 minutes yet

As Momo started thinking about you, she started getting worried about whether if she was making the right choice or not. So, she decided to asked her best friends for help

“Guys, do you think I’m doing the right thing by leaving Y/N? I mean I feel like I should’ve told her something else before we parted ways, but I can’t figure out what I should’ve said.”

Jeongyeon whispered under her breathe, “you damn idiot…”

“What did you say Jeongyeon? Why don’t you come over here and tell me what you just said, instead of just whispering it under your breath huh?!”

Jeongyeon exhaled a deep breath she had been holding in, and finally let out what she’s been wanting to say for a while

“I said, you’re a damn idiot! Haven’t you loved Y/N for what, I don’t know, 10 years? And you still haven’t told her that you love her? What if you don’t come back from this damn war, and she has to wonder all her life if you ever loved her or not? Don’t you want to marry her someday, and be able to call her your wife?"

Momo sat there for a moment just stunned. As she thought about it for a while, she finally realized she was making a mistake

“God, what the fuck am I doing?” Momo said

“Go get your girl Momoring!” Nayeon retaliated

Jihyo also had a few words of wisdom for her too, “Don’t hesitate to tell her how you feel either! You may not get another chance.”

“You’re right, I need to go see her right now! I’m gonna go, but I’ll be back in 10 minutes tops. Tell the advisor I’ll be right back, or else I’ll get my ass kicked.”

Momo made a sharp turn with her horse and made it gallop at speeds faster than it had ever gone

As she got closer and closer to where you and her last saw each other, she could see your faint figure in the distance

You were finally walking away from the send off area, and accepting the fact that she was really gone

Unitl you heard a familiar voice loud shout from the forest, "Y/N, wait!"

Is that... Momo? you thought

You stopped in your tracks with your face contorted with all sorts of confusion, and then you turned around

And there she was

The horse hooves slid on the dirt, making the dirt kick up and the horse come to a smooth stop

"Y/N!" Momo yelled out

"Momo? What are you doing here why are you-"

She jumped off her horse and jogged over to you

"I can explain!" She stops in front of you panting and out of breath

Your face is still ridden with confusion, wondering why this goofball was standing n front of you, and not with her squadron

"What is it Momo I don't understand..."

Momo's breathing slows down a little bit, and her heart pumps with adrenaline

She speaks a little bit faster than usual, hinting at her obvious urgency, and nerves of confessing to you

She grabs both of your hands and hold them

"I-I have something to tell you Y/N... Something I've been wanting to get off of my chest for a long time."

Your eyes widen

Is it what you think it is?

Momo sees the shock on her face, and she does something that even she surprised herself with

"Oh screw it."

She quickly let go of your hands and brought hers up to both sides of you face, bringing you in for a sudden but loving kiss

"Wha-" You're cut off as she kisses you

It takes a couple seconds for you to process it, but once you do, you melt into it

You smile into the kiss, and wrap your arms around her, bringing her even closer your body

The kiss was oh so romantic, listening to the rainfall in the background, and feeling your clothes get from how long you two were standing there

It was all worth it

When Momo pulled away, she looked at you starstruck, still trying to process the fact that she just kissed you

Her lifelong crush!

You smiled back at her, feeling the same amount of shock as Momo

"Wow... I didn't know you had that in you."

She giggled and then hit pinched your cheeks playfully

"Well, I have many surprises Y/N."

"I can see that... How long have you been wanting to do that for?"

"Years... Most definitely." She caressed your face with her thumb, looking at you with pure love and adoration

You smiled, pulling her in to whisper in her ear, "Me too."

(had to switch to a different writing block since there was a word limit 🙄)

She chuckles, moving lips back down yours and kissing you again

Before she knew it, she heard someone whistle behind her, along with shouts from other people

"Oooo look at Momo and Y/N" Jeongyeon said, quickly receiving a slug on the shoulder from Jihyo

Momo pulled away embarrassed, hiding her blushing face into your neck

You giggled, wrapping your arms around her waist and rubbing her back

"I take it those are your friends?" You said teasingly

Momo mumbled, "Yes... Unfortunately."

You kissed the top of her head and moved her in front of her so could look at her better

"Oh I'm sure they aren't that bad..."

"Hey lovebirds, I don't want to ruin the moment, but we have a war we need to go fight in. Momo, get your ass over here!" Jihyo said loudly

Momo rolls her eyes, and groans in annoyance, yelling back "Coming!"

She turns her head back towards you and smiles, bringing you in for a bone-crushing hug

"Momo... I can't breathe."

She quickly lets go, "Oh my gosh I'm sorry...I can't help it."

"I know."

You smile, pulling her in for one last kiss, then having to pull away since she was in a hurry

"I'll write to you every day Y/N. I love you... so very much."

"I love you too Momo."

Her heart melts as she hears that, feeling her life long dream come true

She smiles, heading back on the horse and waving goodbye to you once again

She couldn't wait to come back and smother you with kisses

Domestic Life

When she leaves for months at a time, she writes you a letter every single day

So when the messenger comes by to deliver mail, he'll have multiple letters waiting for you

She is so good at writing too it kind of surprises you a little bit

Even though she's not there with you during those months, those letters make you feel like she's standing right next to you, telling you about her day and how she's feeling throughout each and every day

When she gets home from the war she will be super clingy 24/7

Which is kind of how she is anyways, so you're pretty used to it lol

Will tell you an endless amount of funny and intense stories that will just make you stare at her in awe, wondering how she's so amazing

During her normal home life away from samurai duties, she loves to spend as time with you as possible

She loves to cook for you, help you do chores around the house, and even do laundry

Whatever you need help with, she will always lend a hand so you don't have to do it all on your own

You guys will go on dates at least once a week to try to get out of the house once in a while lol

She always lets you be the one to pick the restaurant

(she's such a gentlewoman)

If it’s a place that she dislikes, she would never say anything about it

Your happiness is her happiness

Will train at home every now and then

Not all time though since she prefers a perfect balance between her love life and her Samurai duties

Relationship

After coming back from war, you two decided to get married right away

You knew dating was only a waste of time since you knew each other well, and how good of a partner you guys would be to each other

People in the town WERE NOT shocked when you two got married

Like had been predicting it since you two first started being friends with each other 💀

Momo is super duper sweet when she's with you <3

(but isn't she supposed to be the most feared samurai across many nations?)

Yes, but that doesn't matter!

With people she's not particularly friends with, she will act stoic and reserved, making her look very intimidating and serious 24/7

With friends she's her usual playful self and cracks some funny jokes here and there to make the whole group laugh

But when she's with you, her true self comes out

She is the textbook definition of a cuddle bug

Loves cuddling and being able to hold you in her strong arms

Kisses your tummy and draws shapes on it with her fingers

Gives you back and foot massages

Has to hug you and say “I love you” before bed or else she won’t sleep very good that night

Super clingy and doesn't hold back when showing affection

Compliments you alll the time without fail

"That dress looks so pretty on you my love...

Remembers small details about you, and buys you gifts 24/7

Knows you so well that she knows exactly how many freckles you have on your face

Loves listening to the sound of your voice and finds it cute when you rant about some of your favorite things

She is also an absolute goofball

“Y/N, what’s 3+5 ?”

“It’s 8 honey…”

“Oh. I thought it was 7.”

Doesn’t show that side of her very often, but when she does it never fails to make you laugh

You both have matching tattoos

Hers is hidden since tattoos are prohibited for samurai's

The design is a yin & yang symbol, with yours being a yang, and Momo's a yin

You being the yang, the purity and balance you bring to the relationship

Momo's being the yin side, showing that she brings the fire in the relationship, and the darker side to her that trains in killing people

It also represents how you two were originally best friends, and the soulmate connection you both have

Arguments don't really happen that much between you two

When they do you both always talk through them together, and have good sit-down talks about what you can do better

She hates seeing you cry :(

Absolutely breaks her heart

Especially when she's leaving for war and you're sobbing on her shoulder

Momo usually cries with you and holds you, making you feel very comforted in her grasp

When it comes to jealousy, she's not really the type to get mad at you

Only gets mad at the person flirting with you

Will come up behind you and wrap her arms around you waist, peppering kisses on your neck

"Hi Y/N... who's this fellow you're talking to?"

Loves letting everyone know that you're hers

Mostly in a subtle but not so subtle way since that's the way of the samurai

This girl's loyalty is IMMENSE

When another woman tries to talk to her, she will not hesitate to give them the cold shoulder and ignore them

“No. I have a wife.”

Will not hesitate to fight someone for you

Or possibly will kill them if it comes to that point

No one is talking bad about her you on her watch

Always has a sharp eye on you when in public, making sure you're safe from any of her enemies

Her duties come with a couple cons

In the middle of the night, she will sometimes wake up in cold sweats and start sobbing

Has PTSD flashbacks of the people she has killed in war, and remembers the innocent civilians she couldn't save in time 🙁

You hold her in her arms, telling her that it's not her fault and that she is still a good person

Will train so hard on her own that you have to drag her away from whatever activity she's doing

Is so so hard on herself :(

But when she's cuddled up in her embrace, her mind shuts off, forgetting everything that was stressing her out in the first place

She loves you so so much

Would die for you, no hesitation

You're one of the only things in her life that she finds enjoyment in

Being with her is the luckiest thing you could ever imagine

In The Bedroom

(mentions of strap-ons, praise kink, body worship, pussy eating, dom! Momo, and ab riding. minors & men pls do not interact!!)

Let's get one thing gay straight, when Momo comes home from war after not seeing you for a long time, you better be prepared to not be able to walk the next day

Ends up fucking you for hours, and having to carry you to the bathtub afterwards

After she gets settled in for a couple weeks, she will go back to being her soft and gentle self during sex

She's not really the type to degrade you unless you're being very bratty

Being bratty will result in her teasing until you're a crying and needy mess

Definitely smacks your ass a few times too

"Hm what did you say? You're gonna have to speak up honey. Mommy can't hear you when you're whining so much."

Has you get on your knees and eat her out, running her hands through your hair and pushing you closer to her

Is bigggg on body worship and praising

Momo knows how insecure you get of your body at times, so she'll do everything she can to make you feel good about yourself

Has you strip down naked in the middle of the bedroom so she can admire your curves and your bare body

Then has you lay down, kissing every inch of your body, whispering sweet nothings to you

"You're so beautiful... I love you... I love your stretchmarks... I love your curves..."

Sometimes will have you on the verge of tears from how sweet she gets

Holds you like you're the most precious thing in the world to her

Momo is more of the type to give

But, she doesn’t mind being on receiving side every now and then

When she does give…

She eats your pussy out like it's her last meal every. time.

"Fuck honey... You taste so good."

Loves it when you wrap your legs around her head, and somewhat suffocate her with your thighs

Makes her eyes roll back slightly and digs her nails deeper into your skin

Sometimes she gets so drunk in your taste that you have to pull her away by her hair

She would whine and be begging to taste you again

“Please Y/N, just for five more minutes.”

She absolutely adores your plump figure

You cannot walk anywhere without her smacking your ass or grabbing onto your love handles

Almost impossible for her to keep her hands off of you

Has reoccurring fantasies of bending you over and fucking you with her strap, imagining your ass and thighs jiggling with each thrust

Be careful wearing a swimsuit or dress around her…

She will most likely rip it off of you behind closed doors, and leave plenty of hickeys on your skin to show everyone that you're hers

The sight of seeing the clothing hug onto your curves, and knowing that she’s the only one that gets to kiss it really turns her on

Has also fucked you multiple times in the pool at home because she couldn’t help herself when she saw you in a bikini

Also has an obsession with your boobs

Loves groping them, and being able to nuzzle her face in them after she's done licking and sucking them

Remember her habit of writing letters to you while she's away? Sometimes she will incorporate her neediness for you in them as well

Has to secretly send them in so no one reads them

You never knew how horny she could really get until she left for war

You would secretly stash the letters in a drawer, reading them sometimes while she was away (real)

Momo makes sure she never leaves you unmarked

You always end up having tons of hickeys or will have plenty of bite marks on your neck

Knows how much you love her abs, so she would let you grind on them until you make a mess all over her

"Oh look at you... You love making a mess on mommy's abs don't you baby?"

Works out a little harder when she's training so she can be strong enough to manhandle you

Her cockiness when she’s training is on another level

Especially that damn smirk…

She has a few scars on her body from war and training that she knows turns you on as well

On hot days she would wear revealing clothing on purpose; like crop tops, tank tops, or any muscle shirts she could find

All of those things mixed in with sweat running down her body… damn

Her favorite position is most definitely missionary

Loves being able to look you in the eyes when making love to you, and making sure that you feel loved

But also really enjoys doggy style so she can feel your ass up against her

Always checks up on you to make sure you're doing okay

"Tell me if it gets too much, okay honey?"

Momo takes aftercare very seriously

Carries you to the shower/bathtub and helps wash you off

Then carries you back to bed and snuggles up with you, showering you with sweet kisses

"You did so well Y/N... I love you so much."

Also apologizes and kisses any small bruises if she was rougher with you than usual

[anacdoce]

I Wish

Chapter 1 - Under the moonlight

Pairing: Astarion x you (f!reader, implied sorcerer)

Rating: T

Word count: 2k

Warnings: some angst; hurt; after the events of the game

Summary: Astarion fills his heart with guilt, thinking he is unworthy of your love and is trying to push you away from him.

a/n: This is my first fanfic writing and I'm a bit nervous about it. So please let me hear your thoughts about it.

This chapter functions like a prologue for the rest of the story, because initially it was supposed to be a one shot thing. But then my brain couldn't stop there and I have already some more material written after this.

At last let me make some mentions here: first of all let me thank to @bloodlessdarling who kindly let me use her beautiful photo of Astarion, which inspired me to write all of this chapter. Second, I want to thank to @wilteddreamsofbaldursgate for her kind words, encouraging me to share my writing. And to finish let me thank my husband, who patiently has been dealing with my Astarion obsession for the past few months and for his reading and helping with this fic (english is not my native language and I was never confortable on writing in it).

Read on ao3

Next chapter

Astarion sat by the fire, reading, a routine he had maintained for the last few months of your life together. But something is off. You can tell.

For a few days he has been avoiding you. He doesn't seem interested in talking or sharing moments of intimacy with you. Sometimes you catch him glaring at you, but as soon as you exchange eyes with him he just pretends that he is doing something very important that has nothing to do with you. And you started to get worried.

This isn't the first time, though. 

Since you have dealt with the absolute and got free from the tadpoles, you have been on a hunt for a cure for him, to make him able to walk in the sun again.

Gale is helping, researching every tome that he can put his hands on, and you have followed every lead, no matter how small it was. You know that you would do anything for that man. But until now you haven't discovered nothing, and sometimes Astarion gave in to the frustration. And you understood that. You understood when he was not in the mood for joking or talking. You understood when he looked at you with sad eyes and a fragile smile, saying "Don't worry Sweetheart, I will be alright. This will pass..." But in the middle of everything, you were, always, his safe place. Astarion always looked for your lap to recover and regain strength to restart. Never before did he avoid you. So, you are worried.

As you wander through your thoughts you catch him staring at you, with a sad guilty face, and just like the last few times you caught him doing that he just looks away from you.

Enough. 

You want to know what is happening, what is he thinking, why is he acting like this. You can't stand feeling apart from him any longer. Unless... unless that is his wish, to be parted from you.

"Astarion?"

"Yes?" he responded, not lifting his eyes from the book.

"What's wrong, Love?"

He shifts in his chair, uncomfortable. You can feel his tension across the room. His breathing is heavy. "Wrong? Why would you say that?" His voice is low, cold, controlled. 

"Are you avoiding me? You don't talk to me, don't look at me. You haven't touched me for days by now." You tremble. Your heart paces. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

He closes his book. You see him shutting his eyes, his hand gripping his book tightly. His stern face, half illuminated by the fire, and you feel, in that moment, he is preparing to shatter your heart in a million pieces. "Yes. There is something, I should have told you sooner. I think..." A pause. He finally looks at you. His ruby eyes piercing yours strongly. "I think this is not working."

Silence.

You feel numb.

All of your world is collapsing. Your head is spinning. If you were not sitting down you would have fallen. "Why are you saying that? I don't understand." You manage to say.

"You will thank me in the future."

Furious, you lift from the chair "Thank you? Why are you doing this to me? Why are you hurting me like this? I love you so much..."  And I thought you loved me too. 

He lifts his head meeting your broken gaze. “I… Just… Don’t argue, please.” You sense a little tremor in his voice. He clears his throat and continues his sentence. “Accept my decision and that there is nothing you can do about it. You don’t believe in it now, but you will be grateful for this.”

As you hear this words dragging from his mouth, you feel your legs starting to betray you. You lose your strength and fall on your knees, already sobbing. In that moment Astarion, instinctively, gets up from the chair and stretches out his arms, as if to catch you while you fall. But he stops himself half way, leading his hands to the head, grabbing his hair instead, seemingly desperate to maintain control. You can feel him struggling with himself. What is he struggling with? What is he doing? 

That’s when you see, just briefly, the pain in his eyes, that pain you are so familiar with.

"Astarion, do you love me?" Your lips trembling.

"That doesn't matter." He replies, breaking eyes with you, staring at the floor.

"Astarion, look at me." He takes a moment, like he is gaining courage to do it, and when he finally meets your gaze again you can see how destroyed he is. "Do you love me?"

"I…”

“Please, don’t lie to me.”

“I do, deeply... more than anything." He finally answers.

You feel your heart racing, pain in your chest. All you want to do is to embrace him. Feel him in your arms. He loves you still. That's all you need to know. "Why are you pushing me away?"

"You deserve someone better. Someone that can give you a real life." 

"Please don't say that. You are everything to me, I would do anything for you!"

"I know! That is the reason! That is the problem!” He shouts in anguish. “That is why I'm doing this. I don't want you to pass the rest of your life pursuing something that doesn’t exist! Carrying a burden that is not yours to bear!”

“What are you talking about? What burden? I’m so happy with you, our life together is perfect! I couldn’t ask for more.”

“Is it? Perfect? How can you say that? I am a bloody vampire and we live in the darkness, hoping that one day I may find my cure! I lost count of the trips we took to look for some vague clues, founded in ancient tomes or whispered by dubious people, just to find nothing!”

“Yet.” You interrupt.

“Yes. Yet! But I fear that day may never come… and I can’t stand to look at your disappointed face every time we reach another dead end. It breaks my heart… it’s unbearable.” He sighs deeply. “I see the hope fading in your eyes every time, the hope of living in the light again, seeing the sun! All because of me. ” 

“Oh my sweetheart, is that really what you think?” His suffering was real. Here he is, again, thinking of him undeserving of your love, of your caring. If only you could give him your heart for him to guard it, for him to understand that none of that matters.

“I don’t think, I know. Who would want to live in the darkness forever? I wouldn’t! But I have to. You don’t. This is my burden! I don’t have an option. But you have. I can’t drag you to this life any longer. You deserve better.” 

He was an empty soul after this. This must have been consuming him for days, keeping his mind full of doubts, making him feel selfish and unfair. 

But he couldn’t be more wrong…

You get up from the ground and walk to him, resting your hand on his face, making him close his eyes at your touch. Your warm hand, in his cold skin.

You wait until he is ready to look at you again. You give him a soft smile, full of tenderness and understanding.

“I’m so sorry, my love, if I made you feel that way, but I think you misunderstood my feelings deeply. I know that you are a master of perception, but I think you failed that check, though. Miserably.” you giggled.

“Oh stop it… I’m serious.” Astarion said, rolling his eyes. 

“I know, I’m sorry. Now, seriously, If I ever seemed disappointed it was not for me. It was for you, because I know how deeply you want to see the sun again, to live in the daylight! I just want you to be happy! Fulfilled! And if I am the one who can help you achieve that, I will gladly do anything, for the rest of my life, to give you that gift… as long as you want to pursue this, I want it too.” You pause. Looking for his hands, you hold them, caressing them softly with your fingers, feeling his hands holding yours firmly. “And I don’t want better. I don’t need better. There is no better! I want you! I want you, Astarion.” You kiss his hands, gently, taking your time. “As for the rest… I don’t care if we live our lives in the darkness of the night. I like it that way to be honest. As long as I can be by your side it doesn’t matter, really.”

“You are too kind my dear…” 

“It’s not kindness, it’s the truth. Let me show you something. Come!” Still holding one of his hands you lead him outside, to the open field in front of your cottage, illuminated by the full moon light. As you reach outside you present him the sky, lifting your arms to it.

Astarion frowned his eyebrows looking at you suspiciously. “So, you wanted to show me the moon, my darling?”

“Yes. The stars, and the moon, yes.” 

“Just perfect, Love… thematic, if nothing else.” He grumps in a bad mood. You want to laugh, but you control yourself. He looks so adorable when he gets mad at you.

“I’m going to tell you something that I never told you before. Do you know that I love how your hair glows with the moonlight?” As you say this you intertwine your fingers in his soft hair, brushing his silver curls. “And your skin? You don’t seem to realize how beautiful you are under the night lights, you are like a star yourself.” You gently stroke his long, pointy ear with your fingers, admiring him in all his fragility and beauty. “So please don’t tell me this is a burden. I choose you. And if not seeing the sun again is the price to be paid, be it. I will live with you in the dark of the night, forever, because I don’t need any other light than yours… you are my light, Astarion.”

His forehead meets yours, and his eyes are wet with small tears. His hands on your small back, closing your body to his. You feel him breathing deeply, absorbing you. There is no safer place than in his arms. You have everything you need, right there. “You silly girl. Why didn’t you say none of that before?”

“Oh… I don’t know, I never thought you would like to hear it, really, knowing that you want to see the sun so badly again. I only wish you could see yourself like I see you, how perfect you are with your imperfections.”

“But you see, I’m starting to get there. To know myself through your eyes. Some days are harder than others, with all of the memories of my past pursuing me… Sometimes it is difficult for me to leave all of my bitterness and resentment behind. But some days, some days I know I am much more than that. And you helped me achieve that. I am forever grateful to you. For everything that you have given me, and still do.” He lifts your chin to reach your lips with his, giving you a softness and tender kiss. “I am sorry… forgive me.” He whispered, still touching your lips.

You cup his face with your hands, feeling nothing more than love for this man. You never loved anyone like you love him. And you never will.

“There is nothing to forgive. Just promise me that you will talk to me if you are ever haunted by those kinds of thoughts again.”

“I will do my best, my dear.” He embraces you again placing his face in the crook of your neck, as you rest yours in his chest. “I never wanted to lose you, you know? Just the thought of it makes me sick… Thank you for always being by my side. I love you so much!”

“And I love you too, more than anything!” You feel his embrace tightens around you.

“Will you stay with me? Will you be mine even if that means never seeing the sun again?”

“I will. And I am yours until the day that my heart stops beating.”

[littledollll]

hiiiii I love your agere fics with Luci so much and I was wondering if maybe you would be up to writing a fic with caregiver Brienne and little reader (preferably gender neutral with they/them pronouns if that's okay)? I haven't been able to find any on here (*ToT)

I was thinking something like a little night time thing with lots of comfort (and no big hurt please)

Maybe something like these but it's really fine if you don't use them I'd be happy either way really

https://www.tumblr.com/cg-pup/720860299458199552/come-here-sweetie-i-know-youve-been?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/corixal/710834902156935168/nighttime-smallness?source=share

I'm sorry this ask is so long I've never requested anything before and I know you don't really write much these days and it's really okay if this idea isn't something you like or feel comfortable with or really just don't have the inspiration for. If possible could I be 🦦 anon if you do maybe write this? Thank you bye bye

Small space

Brienne of Tarth x little!reader

A/n: I’ll be honest this had me a little stumped for some reason. I wasn’t sure how to try and make sense of it in the GOT universe and then kinda realized I don’t rly have to. Also trying to make all the cgs not act/be the same when I write them.

Warnings: tiniest mention of food (fruits), nothing else.

____________________________________

When you first introduced your ‘small space’, as you and Brienne decided to call it, you were afraid she was going to believe it was something odd, or weird. Which now that you think back on it, was a little foolish to think of for Brienne of all people.

You tend to do most your regressing at night, which was luckily the perfect time for Brienne to also be home and take care of you.

After a particularly long and exhausting day, you returned home to find out Brienne had actually arrived before you, which was something that happened rarely if ever.

She seemed to have already settled at home, being changed out of her usual armor and into more comfortable clothes.

Deciding to give her a bit of a surprise, you didn’t say anything as you walked into your home and snuck up behind her.

Brienne all the while knew you were coming up behind her. She noticed you the second you arrived home, after all no good knight would be so easy to sneak up on, but she let you have your fun with it regardless.

As you came up behind her, your arms wrapping around her torso. She feigned surprised, you knew, but loved it all the same. “Got you.”

“Sure you did. Come, let me give you a proper hug.” She spoke quietly, a precious smile on her face as she turned around and pulled you in close.

Immediately you melted into her embrace. Apparently it was more needed than you realized. She looked down to see you burying yourself against her, closing your eyes with a big sigh. And her eyes immediately softened.

Her strong arms wrapped ever so gently around you, keeping you warm and close. “little one.. are you tired? do you think we should get you all ready for bed?”

It was like she could read your mind. Instantly, your head shot up to look at her as you nodded quickly, remaining clingy at her side. Brienne always found it adorable when you acted like this. Of course she wasn’t glad you were feeling tired or drained, but as long as she could help it would be all okay.

She made quick work of getting your sleepy self all ready for bed. Firstly helping you change into more comfortable clothes, lending you some of her own, which fit you like a gown. Something you both loved because it made you feel even smaller.

She sighed, remembering one thing and going out of your view for a moment, “just one second, my darling. I’m missing something.” leaving you to worry and pout over her absence. After she took longer than just two minutes to come back, you stubbornly decided to follow after her. You caught her mid-way as she was already on her way back with a small plate of fruits! Your absolute favorites too.

“You don’t have to have them all, but at least a few. Just so you have something in your tummy before sleep.” She offered gently. Her sweet behavior was always quick to convince you. Plus, how could you miss out on your favorites?

You happily nodded and took the plate, with a cheerful, “Thanks you mama!” Making her smile.

Every passing minute Brienne took notice of your sleepy state. How you’d gently rub your eyes even when she constantly insisted you didn’t because it could hurt your eyes, how you seemed zoned out as you watched her scurrying around to get everything ready for bed just perfect so you could rest with ease.

After a few minutes you were all done and even sleepier than before. Brienne was quick to put the plate away and pick you up, bringing you into bed.

“Tough day, wasn’t it, my princess?” She asks softly as she sits on the bed and pulls you into her arms again.

Nodding, you quickly cuddled yourself up as close to her as you possibly could. Feeling completely safe and protected in her arms.

“It’s alright now… I’ve got you, and I’ll make sure my little one sleeps soundly.” She said as her hands gently brushed through your hair, helping you to sleep. It didn’t take long at all, given how tired you already were.

As she watched over you, half her mind was nagging her, maybe she should’ve asked more about your day, rather than letting you just leave it at the fact it was exhausting. On the other hand, maybe it’s a conversation best left for later, when you’re well rested and feeling older.

But every bit of that worry slips as she looks down at your restful self once again. Brienne smiles softly as she sees you so peacefully drifted off to sleep in her arms. She made the right choice.

[tyliiia]

my first time writing here, but I thought I could share my little gojo brain rot since I haven't moved on from the leaks ╥_╥ also english is not my first language so if there are any spelling mistakes or anything, I am sorry.

(inspired by ariana's 'goodnight n go'; also don't know if anyone already had this idea but I had to write this out for the sake of my mental health lmao)

content: gn! reader, fluff teeth rotting fluff, mentions of alcohol, suggestive talk (mentions of gojo being horny for the reader), pet names, intentional lowercase

"tell me why you gotta look at me that way you know what it does to me so baby, what you tryna say?”

it's usual for everyone to see gojo as someone with no sense of private space. an idiot that invades your space and always flirts with people unashamedly.

one day, when you called him out for it, he simply shrugged and said 'don't know what ur talking about luv, I jus' work here', smirked, and winked,

an absolute idiot.

of course, this also applies to the fact that...

your private space is his private space, and that's it.

oh, you wanted to take a nap while he's around? you better forget it. the moment he sees you he's talking your ears off about how you should let him take you to the ice cream shop down the street, or the last mission he went on, how ugly the curse he fought with was. the daily gossip on the train. whatever topic he finds out at the top of his head.

you think it's just his personality, he's outgoing and likes to talk, right? nothing wrong with that. so you listen to him, lightly sipping on your coffee and eating your snack (the one he conveniently placed on top of your lunch bag when you weren't looking).

to gojo, the truth is that the way you look at him when you're listening makes him feel like he's floating.

his heart flutters and he thinks maybe it's from the amount of sugar he consumed before the day even started, but when your lips slightly curve up and your eyelashes slightly flutter as you laugh at something he just said, your lips part as you let the joyous sound of your laugh come out of your throat and he thinks maybe you are a divine creature. his eyes wander to the way your bottom lip moves with each word that rolls out your lips and he imagines the way it would feel to touch or kiss, maybe he could even tug on your lips with his teeth-

he mentally slaps himself and slightly shakes his head, grateful for the blindfold covering his eyes.

"lately, all I want is you on top of me you know where your hands should be so baby, won't you come show me?”

walking down the stairs of the training area at jujutsu high, gojo spots you training the second years. your hands expertly fix the wooden katana in yuta's hands as you give him a sweet smile and let him repeat the move you just taught him.

you take some steps back, your back facing gojo as he leans against the stone wall and slightly lifts his blindfold, mentally telling himself that he just wanted to see everything (and definitely not because he was checking you out).

you're wearing your training attire, much like the students are, a normal thing to do since you are... training. but for some reason, gojo finds himself imagining how his hand would just casually slide into the back pocket of your pants, just an excuse to feel your ass, because right now as you bend and twist while helping your students, his eyes fixate on the way it just looks so— plump. and maybe he’s just a bit possessive when other people look at you, so his hands on your back pocket? would be just to show everybody you're his.

and he thinks you're reading his mind when you walk over to maki and you sit on your haunches to help the girl, an innocent smile on your face, as you make small talk with her, carefully helping her stretch so she doesn't hurt herself.

gojo thinks it's sweet, how you share the same love for the students as he does, and he knows he should see this as an adorable teacher and student moment, but he can't help imagining himself under you, your legs on each side of his hips as you straddle his lap, maybe you would smile like that at him or maybe you would grind your hips? he wonders.

do you still look as sweet as you do right now? or do you look different? would you let him touch you all over? would you touch him all over? he is 100% sure your hands are angel-soft. he feels like he would do anything just to see that and feel it.

'wtf is wrong with me', he thinks as you lift yourself up and give a thumbs up in inumaki's and panda's direction.

he cusses out silently and his mind blasts off like a fire alarm. a shaky exhale leaves his lips and he leans forward, removing his back from the wall and walking back inside the school.

he thinks he's a creep for thinking this about a friend and coworker.

"i got you, i got you dreamin' you close your eyes and you're screamin’ play with your mind for no reason i know you love how I tease it you know that I'm playin', so don't be mistaken you already know what I'm thinkin', boy”

the strongest sorcerer thinks he might go crazy.

he thought the intrusive thoughts of you would eventually disappear, but he was wrong.

he thinks he has never been so tormented by the thought of another human being. from nasty thoughts to just the idea of holding your hand, he thinks he might go clinically insane if he doesn't have you.

he knows it's wrong but he can't help it when he pictures your sweet smile and your pretty body in his mind he finds himself indulging in imagination. his hips bucking up and his hands sliding down his torso, until he’s grabbing at his crotch and trying to get some friction.

"gojo-san?" your sweet voice is heard from the other side of the door and he slightly jumps, startled. you can hear a small groan coming from gojo inside the teacher's room and you frown. 'Is he mad at me?'

the answer is no, but you don't know that.

he rubs his eyes and leans back in the chair, legs spreading as he tries to comfortably place his almost growing erection as hidden as possible, how embarrassing it would be to try to explain that.

"come in sweets," he says in a heavily sweet voice, masking the confusing thoughts he had seconds ago. his mood lifts as he sees your sweet smile as your head peaks through the door before you enter the room.

he watches as you place your bag on the table and walk over to the couch next to him. his legs unconsciously spread wider and you notice that, a small blush creeping up your cheeks and you hope he doesn't notice.

he does.

and oh it makes him spiral. he wants to pinch your cheeks and kiss you sweetly and then ruin you until you are begging him to stop

and it's so wrong, but he can't help it.

you adjust the fabric of your uniform on your legs and he watches as your thighs grow in size when you are sat down, his adam apple bobs up and down as he swallows.

you smile at him, unaware of the man's thoughts. he smiles back and leans forward, his elbows on his legs as he looks at you, blue, covered irises staring at you sweetly.

"want something from me?" a 'hmm' escapes his throat as he looks at you waiting for you to talk.

to his surprise, you shake your head.

"just wanted to keep you company for a bit i guess" the sound of your giggle echoes in his ears and he thinks he might want to hear it every time he wakes up, throughout the day, before he falls asleep and in his dreams.

he smiles and shakes his head as well.

"next time you wanna be with me just say" he throws an empty wrap of candy at you. you catch it and fake an angry face, fighting the smile creeping on your lips.

"that's crazy, what if i do wanna be with you huh?"

eyes widened under the mask, gojo knows you are talking about being with him for company. but he can’t deny the thought that you might be throwing hints at him. his heart hammers in his chest and he lets out a shaky breath in disguise of a dramatic sigh.

"i know i'm irresistible but no need to be needy y/n" he leans his body back, legs spread again as he stares at you. using his teasing as a mask to the way he craves you so much.

"oh i am extreeeeeemely needy" you drag your words, teasing him back, he feels the blood rush to his lower body even more, you look so good when you squint your eyes at him. like you are challenging him. It makes his blood rush and his mind run miles.

he chuckles and you watch as he looks down at the floor and licks his lips, you instantly giggle and look away too. a small feeling in the pit of your stomach as you feel the tension rising.

you wish you had the courage to make a move. it's not like you are extremely shy, but it would be quite embarrassing if you got your coworker's intentions all wrong... wouldn't it?

"oh, why'd you have to be so cute? it's impossible to ignore you, why must you make me laugh so much? it's bad enough we get along so well”

satoru feels how sweaty the palms of his hands are.

he thinks the last time he felt like this was when suguru was still alive, and honestly he never thought it would happen again…

but here he is, in front of the door of your apartment complex, waiting for you to come down, so he can take you to that ice cream shop he talked about so much.

he fidgets with the little keychain yuuji, nobara and megumi had given to him, patiently waiting for you to come downstairs, but feeling his heart hammer so hard he felt like he might throw up.

he thinks of what to say, how to act, things he can and can't do so you won't find him a creep or weird and lord it makes him feel like a teenager all over again.

his mind is so distracted by all of his thoughts he doesn't even see you appear in front of him. you wave your hand in front of his face and he finally snaps out.

gojo feels like his world just turned slow motion, you're smiling at him, your hair is done differently than usual and your outfit is so cute but so hot at the same time and he feels nervous.

he completely forgot what he had planned to do as soon as he saw you.

"what? do i look bad?" you chuckle, looking down at your clothes as you try to check why he is looking at you so much.

he snaps out of his trance and smiles.

"not at all, you look amazing"

you shake your head amused, turning to the side slightly and moving your head in the direction you two were supposed to walk to.

"so do you satoru...let's go?"

he feels his heart in his throat as you call him by his first name. it's like you were always meant to say it... or maybe he's just hopelessly falling for you.

the walk is pleasant, there's small chatter here and there, you talk about your week, mention how yuta is improving and maki manages to surprise you more and more every day. you also mention how inumaki manages to deal with the missions on his own so flawlessly it makes you feel so proud and how panda is getting stronger and stronger.

he watches you with a fond smile on his face, taking the queue to also mention yuuji, nobara and megumi, watching as your eyes slightly sparkle at the mention of their skills improving. he thinks you're beautiful, adorable, the cutest as you watch him talks about everything and nothing at the same time.

the conversation flows and when you both notice it, you're standing at the ice cream shop.

"'we're here" he says, hand softly resting on the small of your back as he lets you inside first "they have a new flavour i've been dying to try it"

you find it adorable how excited he is to try sweets, your own smile growing.

the date goes smoothly. you try each other's ice creams (his being extremely sweet, to which you pulled a face and he wheezed) talked for hours, and laughed like two crazy fools (in love).

when it's time to leave, you realize how bad the butterflies in your stomach are, how he makes you laugh so effortlessly, and how his company is so enjoyable despite what others normally say about him.

you find yourself smiling and sighing as you walk back home, a hop on your step as you think when the next time might be.

asking yourself, 'why the fuck does he have to be so cute?'

"One of these days You'll miss your train and come stay with me We'll have drinks and talk about things And any excuse to stay awake with you”

the plan was simple.

satoru would come over for dinner at your house, have some drinks, talk for a while, enjoy each other's company, and done.

what you wouldn't expect is that you two would end up talking for so long that satoru would miss his last train back home.

the clock marked 1 a.m., satoru sitting on your couch after you decided he should stay over for the night, a glass of bubbly as you two talked. soon enough, you realized the man sitting next to you was definitely not good at holding his alcohol.

"you know you could have told me you don't normally drink alcohol satoru-" you say between laughs as he joins you, leaning his head on the couch.

"and let you drink by yourself? that wouldn't be very gentlemanly of me would it?" his words are slightly slurred as he lets out a loud laugh.

you shake your head at his antics and smack his arm.

"still! now you're barely awake" hand on your chest as you tried to calm your breathing from laughing.

"hell nah! i'm super awake look at me!" he stands up, making a grand pose to prove his "sobriety" but failing miserably as his legs give out, falling back onto the couch with a 'huff', his face pressing against the cushions as he giggles.

"ok maybe i'm a little tipsy"

you wheeze and fall back onto the couch as well, a fit of giggles echoing through the walls of your apartment.

as your laughter dies down, your gazes fall on each other, silly smiles on your faces as you come down from the joyous moment.

"i should've accepted your ice cream date sooner" you chuckle and confess, watching as his blue eyes widen and he points a finger your way.

"AH! see, told ya you would end up liking my company"

you smile "i always like your company 'toru... just never thought it would be a good idea"

he feels his heart flutter at the nickname but dismisses it. "why wouldn't it be a good idea?" he props himself up on his elbows, head in his hands as he waits for you to talk.

"because...." you inhale as you look at him, blue irises staring at you with adoration, his lips slightly parted from the way his hands squish his cheeks in the position he is, his white hair messy from all the laughing and trashing around in your couch. you find yourself losing your breath over the sigh of a man in front of you. he's so beautiful "... to be honest i'm not really sure..."

you look away from him, fidgeting with your fingers, "maybe i was scared of what others would say" you bite your bottom lip in an attempt to feel less nervous.

"what do you think they would say?" he watching your every move, carefully listening to you.

"i don't know, that you're hanging around me?" you chuckle awkwardly, feeling yourself get embarrassed at how you are so effortlessly opening up to the man in front of you "that maybe i'm not your level to be so close to you"

Satoru's face scrunches and he thinks you just said the most stupid thing in the world, "what the hell? since when do you need to be on my level for me to like you?"

you chuckle "i don't, but that's what i thought" satoru lifts himself and scootches closer to you on the couch, his knees brushing yours as he grabs your hands, the liquid courage speaking for him (not like he needs liquid courage but whatever) "i fucking like you, i don't need you to be super special for me to like you" he's slurring on his words, alcohol filling his system as he stares at you in the eyes.

your eyes slightly widen and your lips slightly part as you realize this might be a confession. you brush it off, mentally telling yourself he's just drunk.

you softly rest your hand on his head, caressing his hair. the white-haired man closes his eyes, and you're sure you can hear a slight purr. you smile fondly. "you're drunk 'toru, let's get you to sleep." you help him walk to your bed and he falls asleep almost instantly, you finish your night by sleeping on the couch and letting him rest.

"And you'd sleep here, and I'd sleep there But then the heating may be down again (At my convenience) We'd be good, we'd be great together”

you change into your pajamas, going through your night rotine like you always do.

you feel a chill creep up your spine as you walk into the living room to finally get some rest.

"dammit, it's cold" you hug your arms for comfort, walking to the thermostat in your living room to turn the house heating on. you realize you forgot to call the company to fix your heating. groaning you walk back to the couch, "just what i needed in a cold night" you plop down and cover yourself in a thick blanket.

a few hours pass and sleep doesn't come easily to you. you twist and turn in your couch as you try to warm yourself.

"you can't sleep?" a drowsy voice is heard and you slightly jump and look at the living room door. standing there is satoru, in his black shirt and boxers, he rubs at his eyes and yawns.

"no, i'm feeling a little bit cold and my thermostat isn't working", he hums and nods shortly, walking over to you and crouching down. "me too, woke up and realized how cold i was"

his hands hook under your knees and back as he picks you up. "satoru! what are you doing??" he grins, walking to your room and laying you softly on the bed "getting my personal bag of warmth" he lays in bed again, his arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you flush against his chest. you feel the warmth of his body passing to yours and you realize he isn't cold at all.

"you weren't cold were you?"

you hear his breathy chuckle tickling the top of your head and his lips on your forehead.

"nah, i just wanted you next to me"

[latimeria-fell-from-heaven]

#𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐍 𝐀𝐃𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓.

𓆩♡𓆪 being a workaholic is going to kill you one of these days. thankfully, lee comes in with quite a helpful solution. or so it seems. MINORS DNI!!

cw. afab!reader, reader is the doctor, double dragon dicks, slight dub-con, hypnosis (reader is into it but makes fun of lee lmao), dilf, age difference, scent kink, deepthroating, cumming untouched, sensory overload & genital slit/retractable dicks.

lati. thank you so much to the very lovely person who commissioned me for this!! they wished to remain anonymous but i hope you read this and are satisfied with this yummy fic bc i had a helluva time writing it :D

wc. 5325

Your head is going to explode—you're so god-awfully exhausted and stressed that death might as well be imminent. You're going to die from overworking and the endless stacks of papers would be your tomb. Oh god, you're too young to die from work; you haven't even really done all the stuff you've always wanted to do—actually, wait, how old are you again? You don't know.

Kal'tsit and Amiya never really went into any specific details about the kind of person you were before you awoke in Chernobog (well, you think you have a good enough idea of who you once were, but thinking about it makes your head hurt), and they most certainly did not inform you of your age. Well, Amiya did bake you a cake for your birthday and sang happy birthday, but had placed a small handful of colorful candles across the cake that did not indicate your age. And if Kal'tsit knew, then she certainly was in no rush to tell you just how long you'd been around.

But anyway, that's not the point. The point is that you're gonna die. And if you don't die from work, then Kal'tsit would most certainly hang you from the rafters if you didn't finish your work.

It feels like no matter how many recruitment permits you sent off or battle records you reviewed, the pile of documents on your desk was never-ending. It was already so late into the night, and judging by a glance at the clock, most of Rhodes Island should be asleep in their dorms, in the comfort of their beds. Fuck, just thinking about a bed is making you sleepy.

You leaned back in your chair, for a quick breather, and totally not because you're trying to keep yourself from passing out on the spot. Wincing at the sound your back makes in the process—a consequence of having been hunched over for so long. 

Man...looks like an all-nighter at this rate. You can feel your sanity shrivel up at that realization. If you could have a stress cry session, then you absolutely would, but even you know that crying won't get you anywhere.

Your oh woe is me! thoughts are interrupted by the sound of your office door opening. Huh? Who else would be awake at this god-forsaken hour other than yourself—?

"Why are the lights all on at this hour... oh?" There stood at your doorway, was no other than Lee. Wait, why was he awake at this time? Was he unable to sleep and decided to go for a stroll around the landship?

He looks a little surprised to see you still perched behind your desk, but his expression quickly shifts to his usual playful and lax demeanor. "Ah, (name). Are you still processing battle records? Well, I never thought you were such a workaholic. I'm impressed," he whistles, sauntering towards your desk and leaning over to peek at what you'd been working on.

After his quick inspection, he exclaims, "But! You'd better turn in sooner. It's not worth it to break your body doing it."

"While the concern is greatly appreciated Lee, I still need to get this all done or Kal'tsit will have my head," you huff out a tired laugh in response. "Cause... she said she could do that and I believe her."

"Why not ask your assistants for help? I'm sure they'd be glad to be of aid to the esteemed Doctor. I could even be of assistance to you (name), I'm rather good with paperwork." At that last remark, you visibly deadpanned—Lee was the last guy you'd ever ask for help on paperwork. You were all too familiar with his many attempts to avoid doing too much work.

"The last time I tried to ask you for help, you coincidentally got a headache and told me I could handle it by myself."

"But I still help around the office, don't I? I'm quite handy during missions even if I'm no good in a fight." Lee seems quite proud to prattle on about how he's such an excellent little helper at your side, but you're not buying any of it. He may be a smooth talker and, you're not ashamed to admit, have quite the attractive face and demeanor, but you're not exactly keen on letting him boost up his ego.

"Lee, in the last mission I didn't see you anywhere in the fight and when I asked, you said you were the moral support," you groan, lips turned downward in feigned annoyance.

"I sense some hostility towards me, (name)," his tail swishes behind his tall frame vigorously as he pouts almost childishly, but you can tell that he's anything but offended. Knowing the old fish, he was amused by your little jabs and didn't mind entertaining you to alleviate your stress levels.

"Good, feel the hostility you old carp," you were trying to appear annoyed, but the second you made eye contact with the titular old carp, you started snickering and even let out a few laughs, with Lee joining in with chuckles of his own. God, it feels good to throw harmless jabs and just laugh without a care in the world. "Sorry Lee, but even if you lend me a hand, we'd have to be multitasking like nobody's business."

"At least take a break if that is the case, (name). It's no good to keep an engine running on fumes," Lee hums, circling behind your chair to place his hands on your shoulders, applying the most welcomed pressure on your sore muscles. "Why not take a step away from this battlefield of a desk, and relax a little on the couch while I go and make us some tea."

"After all, it would be a shame to let those good tea leaves you keep go to waste."

"Ugh, fine," you whine, making a point of dramatically dragging yourself off of your chair before dragging your feet as slowly as you can. Lee places a hand on your lower back and hurries you along to the couch, to which he takes it upon himself to sit you down with hands that weigh down on your shoulders. You're almost a bit embarrassed to feel how swiftly and easily you sink into the sleek leather, sighing in relief as your tense muscles ease up.

"See, not that hard to relax, now is it? Now sit tight while I go make us some tea." He makes a point of patting your head, and you whine in defeat, unable to bring yourself to swat away his hand.

"Mmm."

Satisfied, he saunters off to the mini-kitchen, humming a song that you find somewhat familiar. You don't remember the words, but you certainly find the melody to be familiar. Maybe it was playing on the radio when you'd paid a visit to Aak in his little lab, and Lee might've just heard it playing on a loop everywhere.

Even though you're supposed to be relaxing and thinking about anything that isn't work-related, the workaholic in you is screaming and wailing like a banshee. You're practically having an internal war, and the workaholic is currently winning the bloody conquest. Figures, you could never put away your duties until you were freed by your own passing out from exhaustion or an operator forcing you to take a step back.

The internal struggle is just too much for you to bear any longer. Just...one little signature wouldn't hurt, right? It wouldn't kill you just to sign one measly little signature. Besides, Lee isn't paying any attention right now and if you were quick enough, then he wouldn't know. That's how that old saying goes right? What you don't know can't hurt you. It totally applies to this situation right now!

Having made up your mind, and taking a quick glance at Lee to make sure he wasn't looking, you scurry to your desk like a subway rat. As quietly and quickly as you can, you snatch the pen you'd left on a small stack of papers, and with a sharp click that makes you wince at how much more resounding it is, you scribble your name onto the blank space. It's a sloppy signature, but it looks decent enough to pass by without raising any eyebrows. Yeah, that's—

"Doctor."

Shit.

When you nervously lift your head, there stands Lee. Except he's no longer smirking. He looks almost, impatient. No, he looks pretty mad. Or is it disappointment? You seriously can't tell, but whatever he's feeling, it's clear that he's not happy.

"Heeyy Lee. What a nice night it is, am I right? Say, why don't we drink the tea now, yeah? Haha..." Crap, he's not answering. Trying to bullshit your way out of this one wasn't going to work, but it was worth a shot, right? "Y, you're not mad are you?"

"No." Yep, he's mad. Ugh, if someone says that they're not mad in that tone, then they're seriously mad! And it's even scarier because you've never seen Lee mad before! "Why would I be mad?"

"That's exactly what a person who's mad would say," you nervously quip, fiddling with your fingers and scratching at your skin. You always do that whenever you get anxious, it’s a really bad nervous habit of yours, even if you always end up peeling back skin right from the corners of your nails and have to snip the small peel of flesh off with your nail clippers.

"I worry that you don't take things to heart, (name). It's like you don't consider others' opinions.." he sighs, sounding more like a parent scolding their boisterous teen for the nth time. Fuck, you're seriously feeling super guilty right now; guess Lee had a bit of practice with three certain operators on the wonders of parental guilt-tripping. "And for that, I fear that you'll need more than just a stern talking to."

"Wait wha--"

Ignoring your confusion, Lee fumbles around the hidden pockets of his coat as he searches for... something? You're tempted to just sidestep him and just lie down on the couch and feign exhaustion. Yet something inside of you wanted to see where this would go, keeping you rooted to the ground. And because Lee would see through your bullshit immediately (curse his keen detective skills).

He mutters an 'ah, there it is,' before quickly yanking his hand out and holding some circular object by a mere thread that you suspect may give out at any moment. You may have only seen the device for a few seconds, but you'd recognize that black-and-white spiral pattern anywhere. Anyone would, given that it was always on those weird hypnosis videos you'd come across on the Internet.

"..Hypnosis? Seriously? What kinda scams are you getting into, my dude..?" While hypnosis and mind control weren't exactly sensational news for you, given what Amiya had experienced with Mephisto and his undead herd, it feels rather silly for it to be used in a situation like this. But seeing Lee's impatient posture and the way his tail restlessly swishes behind, you figure that you might as well humor him.

As Lee raises the circular device to your eye level, you can't resist the urge for an eye roll at the absurdity of this situation. He doesn't need to really tell you what to do, you know that you're supposed to look in the center and let the spiral do its magic or whatever. Like, make your head empty and have no thoughts, right?

"Lee, if this doesn't work and I'm not some bread-dead zombie or whatever, I'll--"

Lee snaps his fingers.

Your body relaxes.

All the racing thoughts in your mind cease.

—Ah..?

"There we go. Just focus on my voice, (name). Don't think about anything or anyone else, alright?" His crooning voice echoes in your head, and it suddenly feels like your brain is being physically rearranged. At the same time, it was as if your brain was melting, being numbed with a strange fog that left you feeling empty——No...no, empty wasn't enough to describe this strange mental hollowness that dominated every cell in your body.

"Just relax. Once I snap my fingers, you'll go back to normal. Okay?" Vacuously, you nod your head, the motion akin to that of a rag doll being shaken about. A little unnerving, yes, but it's a rather humorous sight nonetheless. "Good, good. Not so hard to just kick back and relax is it?"

Lee ruffles your hair, inwardly chuckling as he notices more stray hairs begin to stick up from the mass. It truly completes the workaholic and sleep-deprived image that he’s heard so much about from passing conversation he just so happened to overhear. Though, now that he has you like this, he isn’t all too sure what he really wants to do to you. Or perhaps he does know, but he’s just too accustomed to pushing those thoughts to the back burner.

As his hand trails south before resting against your cheek, his thumb comes to rest against your chapped lips—that was no surprise since he’d seen you lick them so much—and he absentmindedly rubs along the uneven surface.

Lee swallows hard and mutters a small ‘pardon me.’

He dips his thumb past your lips experimentally, circling the thick digit around and coating it in your spit. The warmth of your mouth, the wetness of your tongue, and the titillating tension of this situation chip away at something deep inside Lee. Yes, he was quite the trusted comrade whom you'd seek out whenever he made his visits to the landship. But he knew quite well that there was always a bit of tension between the two of you. It wasn't bad, heavens no, but Lee would have to be a fool to not pick up on the playful smiles, the suggestive remarks thrown his way, how you so teasingly expose the more sensuous parts of your body by bending over...Those were just a few he could list off the top of his head right now.

He could name a couple more, but he's getting distracted by the minuscule whines you produce as he continues to probe your tiny mouth. A part of him wonders if you're responding this way simply because it's him touching you. 

He's decided. Why waste an opportunity as good as this? He grabs your shoulder and guides you to the couch, which he eagerly plops down upon—yeah, he’s pumped full of excitement, who wouldn’t be? Lee makes sure to spread his legs nice and wide; he’s at least kind enough to not make you spread them apart yourself.

"On your knees." Lee winces a bit at how suddenly you drop to the floor, and he's rather inclined to stop and check for any bruising or irritation. But you don't even so much as flinch, hardly showing any sort of reflexive response to the discomfort. Hesitantly satisfied, the detective relaxes the tension in his body. Well, at least you'd simply have to suffer through some scuffed kneecaps, but nothing too serious that would require the attention of a medic.

"Undress me. Waist down," Lee blinks hard as if thinking over his command, watching as you sluggishly fumble with his belt and attempt to push away the countless accessories that adorn his lower half. Somehow, you manage to undo the leather strap and pull the zipper down, revealing grey boxers. Upon noticing you attempting to pull his pants down even further, he seems to realize something. "Actually, scratch that. Just.. just pull my pants low enough. It'll make clean-up easier..."

He mumbles that last part to himself, but thankfully you pay no heed and instead hook a few fingers into the waistband of his underwear to pull it down. What awaits you is a thin slit, though two pink tips of sorts have begun to slowly slide out.

"Well go on. They won't come out if you just keep staring. Make sure you really use your tongue, okay?" You duck your head dangerously close to the protruding tips and swipe a tiny lick that has Lee's hips jolt ever so slightly. Your blunt little tongue teases him relentlessly, easily covering the tips from view and even occasionally dipping into his slit. The detective groans at that, swallowing down the urge to cum right then and there.

"Oh yeah, I don't want to see you touching yourself in any way. This is your punishment Doctor," he ordered, eyeing your hands just in case you got a bit too into this and decided to get yourself off. He couldn't allow that, now could he?

But you remain obedient, latching onto his slit and coating it in your spit in a bid to ease out his cocks. Lee has to admit that you look adorable with your mouth so lovingly devoted to him, and he's almost tempted to order you to touch yourself, to see you satisfying your own base desires without any shame. Almost.

You should be scared. You should terrified out of your mind, feeling your own body acting your will and unable to do anything about it. But, you’re not. Okay, maybe you’re a bit nervous, but it’s the kind of nervousness that borders on feeling good. Normally, you'd be waayy too scared and end up fumbling over yourself in these kinds of situations, but that's not the case here. Your head is all fuzzy, but it feels, like, good? Your entire body feels warm and relaxed, and while that might've been a bit scary to others, all you can feel is a strange pleasure that induces heat to pool into your belly.

Maybe it’s the hypnosis making your brain feel all funny, or maybe it’s because you just like Lee so much, but you find that following Lee’s orders comes rather easy. Then again, it’s just the hypnosis scrambling your brain, right?

With a sudden pop! that sounds perversely wet, the two tips push forward and expose the rest of his manhood in all its glory. You don't react, don't pull your head back out of surprise, and as a result, his cocks push right up against your face. It'd be comical if you'd reacted with any sort of surprise or nervousness, but there were no such expressions on your face.

He's..he's really big...♡ He has two cocks, both shaped like elongated teardrops, and have a sort of pinkish-red color to them. They look really smooth, save for a few prominent veins that pulse rapidly. Even despite your relaxed body, you can't help the small pang of anxiety at the thought of those... going inside of you. Would they even fit..? Your cunt clenches up just thinking about taking his cocks all the way inside. He'd... he'd really break you if he was gonna fuck your cunt with them...♡

"Suck." Lee watches quietly, his face expressionless as he awaits your obedience. Sluggishly, you nod, and slowly press your lips against the left one—well, your left. Your earlier guessed observation of his shaft's texture proves correct, as the almost unnaturally smooth surface seamlessly slides against your lips, and dribbles of precum stick to your skin. You open up your mouth and begin to suckle on the tip, the sleek texture of his cock allowing it to slide into your mouth more easily. 

Lee jolts, clearly being rather sensitive right there. “Fuck, that’s--shit!”

His cocks have a really funny smell; it's all musky and thick and it makes your head spin every time you breathe. It's the kind of smell that you can't help but get addicted to, wanting to breathe it in more even if you're supposed to find it off-putting. Acting on your desires with nothing to stop you, you inhale an extra bit of air as you bob your head up and down on his shaft. Who knew that just the smell of his shafts would turn you on even more? Lee doesn’t seem to notice your strange scent obsession, and if he does, he gives no sign of stopping you anytime soon.

"Excited are we?" He breathed out, hitching a noise that suspiciously bordered on a sensual moan as you pushed your head down to the base. When you repeat that motion, this time Lee moans, a husky and rumbled noise that strikes straight into your core. "Q...Quite gifted with your mouth, aren't you? I wonder where you learned to be so skilled?"

He sounds a bit mocking as if the possible scenario of you on your knees before another man really grates on his nerves. His jealousy wasn’t really rooted in much plausibility, though, since you had often spent countless daydreams conjuring up scenarios like these with Lee in mind. Maybe that’s why you’re so enthusiastically sucking him off even with the hypnosis supposedly making you more robotic—it simply allowed you to act on what you’ve always wanted to do.

Thanks to Lee's little hypnosis trick, your gag reflex is practically nonexistent, evidenced when the pointed tip of his cock hits the back of your throat and all you react with is a muffled moan. Though you’d be ashamed to admit that you’d secretly been testing your gag reflex with a banana whenever you were alone in the break room. It was for science, you swear! And you can get away with saying that because you technically were a neurologist! When scientists do this, it’s an area of interest, not a fetish.

He’s beginning to leak a lot more, salty and oozing pre-cum starting to dribble out in thicker amounts, both inside the confines of your throat and his other cock dripping on your clothes. It even tastes funny too, all salty and bitter and thick—was this even really his pre-cum, or is Lee just really pent-up to the point where he’s leaking out so much? The wise Mr. Lee really was just a perverted old man in the end.

Well, you’d be a hypocrite at this point since you aren’t exactly faring much better either. Your cunt’s been practically melting, slick juices rapidly pooling down and drenching your panties to the point where it’s already started to ooze through. On reflex, you start rubbing your thighs together the best you can, but with how your legs are spread, it comes off as an awkward little butt wiggle. It’s barely enough to even really stimulate you, much less properly get you off, but what little friction you can work up soothes that aching heat, if only barely.

Lee’s moaning a bit louder now, your tongue rubbing the underside of his dick with the kind of pleasurable tickle that makes him want to cum already. But it’s not enough for the detective. He needs more than this. His other shaft is just awkwardly rubbing against your face, with hardly any stimulation other than the feel of your skin. And that couldn’t have possibly been enough, now could it?

“Hey, d-don’t leave this one all alone,” he mumbled, jutting his hips forward in an attempt to get your attention on his other cock, all lonely and unattended to. Though all he succeeds in is shoving his dick further down your throat. “Give it some attention too. Use your hand.”

Giving him a moan of obedience, you clumsily raise a hand to wrap around his poor ignored cock and begin to pump. After barely even a few pumps, when your hand comes back up to enclose the pointy tip, your palm, and fingers are coated in thick globs of pre-cum. They make the motions of your hands easier, the wet glide allowing you to better pleasure him and give the tip that soft squeeze that makes Lee ooze more juices. You can feel a few veins that add a texture to the smooth wet surface, and when your fingers rub against them, Lee shivers a bit.

It’s still a bit difficult to comprehend that he’d be this pent-up to be leaking so much—maybe it was a Lungmenite thing, they were technically dragons after all. But another whiff of that addictive, musky smell and you stop thinking about it.

Clearly, the double stimulation was proving to be too much for Lee, because he orders you to “stop” with a shaky voice, completely different from how smug and charismatic he usually was. You obey, with his dick still stuffed down your throat and his other dick being gently held at the base. He has to take a few moments to breathe in deeply before he gives you his next order.

“P…put both of the tips in your mouth and jerk both of them off at the same time until I cum.”

Your compliance is immediate, and you have to pull his dick out from the depths of your throat (which makes Lee jolt and groan at the loss of heat) and pull at his other dick so it’s angled towards your mouth. He winces at the tugging on his cocks, but as soon as your tiny mouth simultaneously licks on both tips and your hands begin to jerk off both lengths, he forgets all about the discomfort. He’s more focused on your frantic movements and the building crescendo of muffled moans as if you’re moving in tune with his reactions and approaching orgasm.

But in reality, you’re on the verge of bursting yourself; that burning hot coil in your lower belly has become unbearably tight and even if your brain is all fuzzy and feeling weird, you still feel of pang of desperation to reach your climax as well. Your body acts on those desires for you; sucking harder, jerking faster, licking all the sensitive spots—

“Dammit, you—(name),” he panted, expression all scrunched up,” make sure you drink it all up. Don’t… spill!”

He shuddered and dug his fingers so hard into your skull that he’s probably leaving imprints behind on your scalp, but that’s the last thing on his mind right now. From the way he pulls down, your teeth grazing against his tips—he wants to keep them in there as he finishes in your mouth, grimacing hard enough to reveal sharp canines and wheezing your name, the sensation clearly is a lot for him. It’s enough that you gag a little, greedily gulping down the gooey release as best you can to keep up with the excessive amount that floods into your mouth.

There’s just so much; would he fill your belly with lots of thick cum when he fucked your pussy?♡ If he came this much from a simple blowjob and handjob, then how would there be when he finally worked his way to your cunt. You… you’d definitely get knocked up with his babies if he came inside...♡ Just the mere thought of Lee possibly impregnating you with his potent seed is all it took, and you were coming for him, seizing up and sobbing with a few selective moans—incoherent and sweet.

It takes a bit longer for Lee to come down from his climax, your warm mouth milking his dick for a few more spurts of his release, but he practically collapses against the couch once it’s over. It was most certainly the strongest orgasm he’s had in quite a long time, so he just needed a minute to calm down, that’s all. So he sucks in a nice deep breath from his stomach (diaphragmatic breathing was certainly beneficial for the lungs!) and breathes out heavily—

The audible sound of gulping quickly snaps him out of his stupor, and when he glances at you, he catches a glimpse of your cute stubby tongue swiping at the excess release on your skin.

"Did you—?" Lee jolts forward like he's been hit by a lightning bolt and for a moment he looks flustered, his thumb pressing your jaw down without any resistance as he scans your slack mouth. He'd been so focused on the high of his orgasm that he forgot that he was going to order you to spit it out. "Hah, you really swallowed it all, huh?"

You don't answer him, hazy eyes staring up at him blankly as he thumbs away the small streaks of his release on the corner of your lips. It felt rather strange to see you so quiet, considering that it was commonplace for you to be throwing teasing remarks his way. Well, if he ignored the fact that you were hypnotized—

"Oh right, forgot you're still hypnotized. Sorry about that," he murmured, mostly to himself. Heh, look at him, forgetting that he'd hypnotized you and had to snap you out of that trance. He really is getting old if he can't keep track of that. With a graceful flick of his wrist, Lee finally snaps his fingers, the sound as crisp as the crunch of an autumn leaf that resounds in the empty room.

Like a switch, the haziness in your eyes fades away, and the familiar twinkle returns. You blink. Once. Twice. Your eyes dart around the room, seemingly a bit nervously before they land on him. Realization seems to hit you and—

"You are such a horny fuck, y'know that?" Yeah, there you are. You're certainly back to normal, with no repercussions whatsoever. Well, except for him getting a bit of an earful from you, though Lee can just smile as your words go in one ear and out the other.

"Ugh, you dirty old man, my underwear's all sticky now," you hiss, shifting your thighs and grimacing at how slick your inner thighs are now. Lee breathlessly chuckles, flashing you a lazy smile as his body sinks into the couch. When you attempt to lift yourself up, you huff once the familiar pins and needles feeling makes itself apparent in your legs. "And I can't feel my damn legs, and—ow, my fuckin' knees..."

Hearing the metal clink of his belt, you realize he's attempting to slip on his pants in a somewhat presentable fashion. Oh, you thought he would touch you even more, and—wait, were you seriously disappointed by him not going further? Geez, what's wrong with you?! This wasn't like all those hentai stories where the girl becomes a slut for the guy's cock—everyone knows that hentai has the worst logic imaginable when it came to sexual happenings!

Besides, Lee would have to at least take you out to dinner and wine and dine you before you can officially admit that you'd be a willing slut for his cocks. You have standards!

"Now now, no need to fuss (name)," Lee hums, paying no mind to your rather cute attempt at a threat, having long gotten used to your little quips. "Have some tea, it's still warm; it'll soothe your nerves."

"You seriously think a cup of tea is gonna calm me down?" You gawk at him incredulously, grunting as you force yourself to stand up. Grumbling a quiet thank you as he places a steady hand on your hip, you plop down unceremoniously on the couch next to him. "Because you're right. Gimme that."

You hold out your hand like a child asking for a cookie, and Lee places the cup in your open palm, but not before shaking his head and snorting at your childish mannerisms. After pouring himself a cup and inhaling the rich aroma of the tea, he finally takes a sip and sighs in contentment.

As you sip at the lukewarm tea and bask in the atmosphere, you ponder whether these late-night relaxation sessions will occur regularly. Heh, you suppose that you're a bit of a masochist if you find this stern admonishment enjoyable and something to look forward to. Perhaps next time, Lee will go even further than what he did this time. A delicious shiver runs up your spine at the thought of all the ways the laid-back detective could toy with your body.

If that was the case, you were looking forward to next time.

© latimeriafellfromheaven

[kale-theteaqueen]

The Humble Art of Gift Giving

SO Thrilled to participate in my first ACOTAR Secret Santa with @acotargiftexchange! I absolutely loved writing this piece for @danikamariewrites. Everyone check out her work if you haven't already, it's amazing! I hope you enjoy this piece of Nessian Christmas Fluff! Merry Christmas, TTQ <3

Summary: Nesta loves giving gifts. Takes pride in it, actually. Especially at Christmas. She's had her list of potential options for her family ready for months now, and all that she needs to do now is actually buy them. And therein lies the problem. What if they aren't good enough? What if they're cheesy or off the mark? Nesta's gifts are always perfect, and this year will be no exception. Cassian knows this, and loves her for it. But her biggest challenge this year isn't shopping for family. It's getting a gift for him. Especially when she makes it her personal mission to top the previous year's presence. Luckily, all it takes is a quick trip to the local Christmas Market to give her the inspiration she needs.

Read Below or on A03!

Feyre.

Elain.

Cassian.

Gwyn.

Emerie.

Azriel.

Rhysand.

Lucien.

Amren

Morrigan??

Nesta scowled at the Excel sheet in front of her, at the blank squares that needed filling. It was December 16th, and there were still too many open-ended questions. Feyre was getting new paints, ones she specifically asked for, and were linked accordingly in her designated row, highlighted in a soft green to indicate she’d purchased them. Elain was receiving a set of earrings and a necklace made of pressed flowers, also highlighted in green.

And Cassian, well…

There were many, many links in his row. Options upon options. But nothing felt good enough.

Nothing felt good enough for Gwyn either, nor Emerie or Azriel. Links to Etsy shops, indie bookstores, and, regrettably, even Amazon filled the sheet, but they were all white, the category marked ‘Purchased?” painfully blank. And she hadn’t even begun to consider what she should purchase her extended family of sorts.

They always did this holiday together, making a big bash out of it, and every year since Feyre and Rhysand got married, and especially since she and Cassian had gotten engaged, she was presented with the same dilemma.

What did she get them? Would they even bother to get her anything?

Apparently, they were, or at least that’s what Feyre had claimed, when she asked. Her sister jumped on any chance to have a big happy family, and though it took significant effort and trial and error, she more or less had it. Nesta just didn’t know quite where she fit in.

“Sweetheart, your food is going to get cold.”

Nesta raised her eyes from her laptop, frowning at her fiancé, who was smiling knowingly at her from the other end of the couch, a bowl of pasta in his hand. She should have been working on the next book in her series, the manuscript open in a separate tab. Her last book may have only been out for about a week, but even still, deadlines were deadlines. If only Nesta had actually written anything in the past two hours.

“I gave you twenty more minutes, as promised.”

With a sigh, Nesta sat up straight, closing her laptop and evaluating his latest creation in front of her. Pesto, with fresh pine nuts and fusilli pasta. Gods, she didn’t deserve him when he made dishes like this. Especially when he had to pry her away from her writing. Or at least, what was supposed to be writing.

“How’s the Christmas list coming?”

Ah, he knew her too well.

“I just don’t know what to do,” She said, taking her first bite and practically melting at the taste in her mouth.

Cassian hummed knowingly, more than aware of how meticulously she planned Christmas presents. She collected links for months, bookmarking random Instagram ads or TikTok promos. But when it came to actually purchasing them, to deciding on what was good enough, she often lamented for weeks.

“We’re going to the market tomorrow, right?” He asked. “I’m sure we’ll turn a few more of those lines green.”

“I suppose,” Nesta said quietly, lifting a hand to push her glasses farther up her nose. A new development, one she still wasn’t quite happy about. But spending time reading in the dark had its consequences, apparently.

“We won’t leave until we’ve got at least the rest of the family knocked off.”

“Maybe it’s stupid, and I should just get them all gift cards or something.”

“You hate giving people gift cards, Nes.”

Nesta sighed, leaning back against the cushions. “But if they don’t even like me, then why would they want a gift from me?”

Cassian stretched out his leg so his foot could nudge her calf affectionately. “They like you, sweetheart. All that tension has been resolved, yeah? Mor was just telling me that she was excited to see you and hear about your latest book.”

Nesta frowned, stirring her fork around her bowl of pasta. It was true, the animosity that defined a lot of her relationship with Feyre’s found family was largely gone after months of working out past traumas or grief. Now, a year and a half later, Nesta was three books into a successful series, and happily engaged to the man beside her, who continued to look at her with nothing short of affection in his eyes, despite her anxiety.

“You’re right,” She replied. “I just…”

“Want it to be good enough?” Cassian supplied, scooting closer.

She nodded as his arm slid around her shoulders, pulling her comfortably against his chest.

“Your gifts are always so thoughtful, you know,” He replied. “Mor wears that charm bracelet you got her, with all of our initials, almost every day. I think the only competition you have is yourself, baby.”

 Nesta huffed out a soft laugh, nestling into his shoulder. “I just want everything to be right.”

Cassian tipped her head up, kissing her softly. “I know. Tomorrow, Nes. We’ll get it all wrapped up, tomorrow.”

---

The Christmas Market was crowded, families and individuals alike scouring the stalls for the perfect, unique gift for their loved ones. Nesta watched them from her spot near the entrance, a cup of hot chocolate in one hand and a map in the other. In her pocket, her phone sat ready with her meticulous list of gift recipients.

“Alright,” Cassian said, looking over the page listing all the vendors. “Should we start from the right and snake our way through?”

Nesta nodded, her eyes scanning intently over the seemingly endless number of shops. There were at least twenty candlemakers, local artists, even a bonsai tree shop. The wheels in her head began turning, and she began making mental notes of who would be most interested in which items.

But before she could delve too deeply into her analysis, Cassian slid his arm around her waist, squeezing just enough that she looked up at him.

“Try not to look so serious, sweetheart. We’re supposed to be merry.”

Nesta huffed, but took a step forward towards the shops, holding out a hand for him to take. “I am perfectly merry.”

Cassian laughed, a bright and melodic sound that often was the only thing to pull her out of dreary moods. “Of course. The most festive woman I know.”

Rolling her eyes, she couldn’t help the smile that tugged on her lips. Pulling him forward, she entered the first aisle, taking in the first few shops. On careful steps, she approached a woodworking tent, eyeing the various cutting boards, cheese platters, and handcrafted pens. They were all beautiful, but nothing caught her interest or fulfilled the basic requirement of what she considered to be a perfectly tailored gift.

That is, until her eyes caught on the end of the table, at the line of puzzle boxes. She smiled, running her fingers over a medium sized one, assessing the various cogs and gears within.

Amren did mention needing something new to fidget with.

Pulling out her phone, Nesta filled in the tiny woman’s row, and flagged down the shop owner.

With one gift down, her confidence boosted, and she strode down the path towards the next few stalls with a small smile, eyes scanning over the various handmade jewelry, knitwear, and blown glass. Cassian wasn’t too far behind, though his attention was typically scattered in these kinds of environments. More often than not, she’d turn and find him gone entirely, entranced by a tent in a different aisle.

He grinned at her when she caught his eye, holding up a knitted flower hat, small and definitely intended for a pet. Immediately, her mind drifted to Azriel’s beloved twin black cats. And, more acutely, how horrified they’d be at the prospect of being dressed. Rolling her eyes, she smiled amusedly at him and shook her head before continuing on her way, knowing full well her fiancé would try and convince his brother to put them on anyway.

As she looked through each row, the time seemed to fly by, with her list slowly but surely getting smaller and smaller. As she reached the center of the market, she finally looked down at her phone to take stock of what she’d thus far acquired:

A set of blown glass flowerpots for Elain.

A cocktail smoker set for Azriel, paired with a bottle of locally distilled whiskey.

An old map of the city for Rhysand.

A set of handmade wooden ballpoint pens for Lucien.

Which left Gwyn, Emerie, Morrigan, and, of course, Cassian.

She hadn’t found anything remotely good enough for him. Everything was either something she’d already done, or found too tacky, or cliché. It had to be personal, thoughtful. Something no one else would think of.

The closer she got to reaching the end of the market, the more anxious she became about the prospect.

Luckily, all it took was a brilliant antique book stand to occupy her thoughts.

It was by far her favorite tent so far, with shelves lined with antique copies of some of her favorites, of bags made from the bindings of repurposed books, prints and posters, and everything a bookworm could dream of. Smiling at the shop owner as she entered, Nesta made her way to the collection of old novels, perusing the selections.

There was nothing particularly rare or beautiful, but as Nesta scanned her eyes over the titles, there were at least several options to satisfy Gwyn, who loved collecting old and special edition copies of her favorites. But, to her surprise, it wasn’t her lovely friend she had in mind when she found the final book in the row, larger than the others. Taking care to pull it free gently, she observed the title.

Landscape Painting Through the Ages: A Definitive Guide

Flipping through, she smiled at the depictions of various flora and fauna, of the various instructions on perspective and shading. It was old, perhaps 40 or 50 years, but it was perfect for her youngest sister, who was always looking for new references to paint from.

Even better, as she turned around to approach the counter, she spotted a gorgeous Pride and Prejudice handbag made of a re-purposed binding. Gwyn would be head over heels. The shopkeeper smiled broadly at her as she approached, and said, with a thick accent,

“That one’s been sitting on the shelf for ages. I’m glad she’s found a home.”

Nesta smiled at the kind man.

“It will be well loved.”

Arms full, she stepped back out into the path, scanning for Cassian who was, unsurprisingly, nowhere to be found. She’d thought he’d have been easier to spot, with his height. But it seemed everyone had their own tall significant other to drag around.

Retracing her steps, she scanned through the rows, tent after tent. Rounding the corner, she contemplated texting him, telling him to meet her at the entrance to save her the anxiety, but then she caught sight of his curls, the red scarf around his neck, and her tension eased.

He stood at what was unmistakably a jewelry stand, and Nesta quirked a brow as she approached. The old woman behind the counter spoke animatedly to him, and in his hands was a tiny box, wrapped simply with a satin bow. Her interest piqued, she tried to assess what it was, listening for any clues. But just as she approached his side, he spun on his heel, grinning down at her, the box disappearing into his pocket.

“There she is,” He said. “How are we doing, sweetheart?”

Nesta looked up at him quizzically, and the amusement in his eyes told her he already knew what she wanted to know. But he didn’t budge, even after several seconds of staring him down. So, she relented,

“Fairly well. Just Emerie and Morrigan left.”

And him, of course, but that was for her knowledge only.

“See, I told you this market would be a good one.”

“What about you?” Nesta asked, shifting her arms as he reached to take some of her bags from her.

“A master of gift giving never tells his secrets, Nes.”

Nesta scoffed, even as she looped her arm through his and they meandered down to the remaining tents.

“How many of those ridiculous cat hats did you buy?”

“They had powdered wigs. Do you know how amazing Shadow and Smokey will look in those?”

Nesta shook her head, unable to hide her grin. “Azriel will kill you.”

Cassian shrugged, unbothered by the prospect. “I just want one picture of my nephews. Then they can rip them up for all I care.”

“I still don’t know what to get Morrigan. I have no idea what she likes other than wine.”

Cassian tilted his head in contemplation. “There’s that distillery that makes social justice themed alcohol, their booth is back towards the front. That would be right up her alley.”

Nesta’s brows rose, the idea scratching her itch for something unique yet appropriate for the still superficial friendship they had.

“That’s perfect,” She said quietly, pulling out her phone, anxious to fill in her spreadsheet. “Let me just-”

“Take your time, baby. We’ve got plenty of it.”

Nesta stared down at the screen, satisfied by the solid block green rows. Just two left now, which seemed so much more manageable than this morning when they started. A weight lifted off her shoulders, and she let out a long, satisfied breath.

“Just Emerie then.”

Cassian hummed in acknowledgement, offering his arm to her again.

They made it to the front of the market, and Nesta turned to assess the stands again, deciding on where to look again for her friend. Slowly, she wandered to one of the first jewelry booths, assessing the various bracelets. It was intricate metalwork on gorgeous cuffs. Cuffs that would make incredible friendship bracelets.

“Your ring is gorgeous.”

Nesta lifted her eyes, meeting the soft brown ones of the girl behind the counter. Looking back down at her hand, she assessed her engagement ring, the ruby set among tiny white diamonds. Cassian was by no means a poor man, but still, she’d protested that she didn’t need something so exquisite. He disagreed.

“Thank you,” she replied. “My fiancé has good taste, or so I think.”

“Excellent taste,” the girl replied. “The gold band will match those cuffs nicely.”

A smile tugged on her lips as she ran her fingers over the metal. “I think you’re right,” she said. “I’ll take three.”

The girl grinned at her, moving away to wrap them. All the while, Nesta continued to try and come up with various ideas for Cassian. But still, nothing seemed like enough. He had an engraved watch, one she’d gotten him for their first Christmas, and he had plenty of other sentimental gifts, ones she’d all but planned out years in advance.

And now, it seemed like nothing could top it. Except perhaps his wedding band, which they’d just selected only a few weeks ago.

“Wait, are you Nesta Archeron?”

Nesta returned her attention to the girl, who had her bag of goods in her hands. Her brows were in her hairline, her mouth dropped open.

“I… Yes, I am.” Nesta replied, still unaccustomed to being recognized in public.

“I thought you looked familiar. You’re my favorite author!” The girl gushed, her entire face brightening. “Would you… Would you sign my book? I got the last copy on release day. I absolutely adore the love interest. How he accepts Aurelia even with all her quirks and dark days? To die for! Did you base him off your fiancé?”

Nesta couldn’t hide her smile this time, knowing full well that most of his description did indeed from the man waiting just a few feet behind her. And with that thought came a new idea, one that seemed so simple, yet hadn’t before crossed her mind.

“Perhaps. And I’d love to,” She replied, reaching out to accept the copy and a pen. It was still so surreal, even after all this time, to see her own work in person.

Quickly, she signed her name, wishing the girl a happy holiday season, before shutting the book and handing it back.

“Thank you so much!” The girl said, looking so unequivocally happy it made Nesta’s throat tight. It was remarkable that someone was this happy about her writing.

“And…I’m really glad you found your person. I hope one day I find mine.”

“You will,” Nesta said, accepting her jewelry with a larger smile. “I know it.”

---

Over the course of the next week, Nesta’s nerves about what to buy eased.

Only to be immediately replaced by her nerves about if each recipient would like the gifts she got them.

It was December 23, less than a day remaining before the entire family would gather for Christmas Eve dinner. Nesta was always nervous to meet with them all at once, it was a feeling that would likely never quite go away. But now, at least, it was more anticipatory. Would Elain and Feyre like their gifts? Would Mor and Amren? Rhysand and Azriel?

As she looked down at the wrapping paper in her lap, the boxes strewn out in front of her in the living room, she ran through her gift checklist one more time. A warm glow was cast over the living room, the Christmas tree lights twinkling. Cassian had lit a fire a few minutes ago, and the heat of it soothed something deep in her soul.

It would be fine. These were good gifts. She’d wrap them, and everything would be perfect.

“Nes, sweetheart, I found the rest of the scotch tape.”

Nesta lifted her eyes, smiling gratefully at Cassian as he padded back into the living room, settling down on the floor, his back against the couch. Nesta shifted down to join him, reaching for Azriel’s gifts to place into a box. With meticulous precision, she taped it up, wrapping it in navy-blue paper with silver stripes.

“You’re so good at this,” Cassian murmured. “You should make it a paid service.”

Huffing a laugh, Nesta reached for his finger, using it to hold a satin ribbon in place as she tied it off.

“I don’t think my skill is quite that impressive. Gwyn’s, perhaps. Or Elain’s. They'd probably make thousands.”

Cassian hummed, leaning forward to press a kiss to her head.

“Feeling better now that you got Emerie a slot in that coveted yoga class she’s been trying so desperately to get into?”

“Much,” Nesta replied. “Though, you know how nervous I’ll be tomorrow, anyway.”

His laugh was soft, and he shifted, his arm sliding behind her, pulling her close once she set Azriel’s wrapped package aside.

“Nervous about whether they will like your gifts or nervous about having attention on you while you open yours?”

Nesta swatted him lightheartedly, hating and loving how well he knew her.

“They’re good gifts, right?”

“Amazing gifts, sweetheart. You put Santa Claus out of business every year, and we all know it.”

“I do, don’t I?”

There was one thing, at least, she wasn’t nervous about anymore. And it was his own gift, which she’d finished only a few days ago. The idea had struck that moment at the jewelry stand, and every day since she’d worked to put it together.

He pressed a kiss to her temple, a proper smile on his face. “Does that make me Mrs. Claus?”

Nesta lifted her head, assessing with a raised brow. “I’m not sure. You can’t exactly bake cookies very well.”

Cassian reared back in mock offense. “That was one time, Nes. I could make a successful batch of cookies right this minute if you wished.”

Nesta shook her head, shifting to settle more comfortably against his chest. “I think I prefer you staying right here.”

His chest vibrated in contentment, almost a purr. His arm was a comforting weight around her, and not for the first time did she marvel at how her life had turned out. How she was spending her evenings with this man, in their house. It was all pretty perfect, if you had to ask her. And Nesta had been raised never to believe in perfect things.

“But yes, you know I love attention.” Nesta said with a sigh. “It’s always fine, I know. I’m not sure why I always get nervous.”

“You want everything to be perfect, my love. And it always is.”

Nesta hummed, though couldn’t say she was convinced. Still, she adored him for how soothed he could make her with just a few words.

“You know, I was thinking,” He added after a moment. “I know you don’t like all the attention on you when you get gifts. So, what if we start our own tradition of exchanging the night before? Just us?”

Nesta’s lips parted, and she sat up, assessing him. Her gift to him was wrapped delicately, sitting under the tree next to the one he’d placed for her, just hours ago.

“You want to?” She asked, something within her very much approving of the idea.

“Well, you’ve been very secretive about my gift. Maybe I can’t wait anymore.”

Nesta couldn’t help the smile that tugged on her lips.

“Alright.”

Before he could smile back at her, she was moving, pushing out of his arms, and crawling the few feet over to the base of the tree. Reaching, she grabbed her own package, turning back to face him.

“You sure? You like being the center of attention when there are gifts involved.”

Cassian smirked. “Because I always get the best ones from my lovely fiancé. I can brag about it all night tomorrow.”

Her cheeks heated, despite herself, but she smiled back, shifting back over to him. Holding out the package, she said,

“Well then, be my guest.”

“You’re excited,” Cassian replied, intrigue in his voice. Lifting the gift, he shook it lightly by his ear. “Should I be worried?”

“Just open it, you brute.”

His smirk softened into a gentle smile. With deft fingers, he untied the ribbon around the box and undid the paper along the taped points, not tearing. He truly knew her too well. She sat back on her haunches, watching closely, wondering only at the last minute if it was too stupid, too cheesy.

Cassian’s brows rose as he unveiled his gift, the title of her latest book staring up at him.

“This is… your book.”

Nesta bit her cheek, controlling her nerves. “Open it.”

His interest was clear in the focus that settled over his face, and he opened the cover. His eyes scanned over the note she’d penned there, an extra dedication to him and him only. Carefully, his fingers brushed over the various tabs throughout the pages.

“What is this?” He asked softly, opening up to the first one.

“We weren’t together when my first book came out,” Nesta explained. “And we were just getting started when the second came out. In this one, the main character, Aurelia, she-”

“Leaves the first love interest for the one she ends up with, I know,” He said softly, flipping to the next tab.

Nesta nodded, folding her hands in her lap. He had read the entire thing before publication, after all.

“This is…Sweetheart.”

Nesta shifted closer, evaluating which line he was looking at.

“Aurelia scowled as Ramin brushed a bead of sweat off his brow, the jagged mountain path looking nothing short of ominous. “I thought you said you liked the outdoors,” He said. “This is the outdoors.”

“I like sitting outdoors. Not hiking for thirteen miles.”

“We have to get up this hill, sweetheart. We need to get a better sense of our position.”

There, in the margins, was her script, slightly messy yet coherent to those who knew her best.

“October 4th, 2019. We went camping as a family, to Rhysand’s cabin. We got lost trying to find the campground’s maintenance buildings. We hiked six miles, because you wanted to get to higher ground, to ‘evaluate our position.’”

Each tab had a memory associated. Something Cassian did or said that Nesta had taken and put into this character, the manifestation of what love meant to her. From their petty arguments to the ways in which he understood her unlike anyone else. To how she knew it was him, from the moment they met, and no one else.

“Nesta, this is incredible.”

“I know it’s not much,” She said. “But I couldn’t figure out what to get you that you didn’t already have.”

“Sweetheart, it’s everything.”

Cassian looked up at her with genuine tears in his eyes, an expression that was almost reverence on his face. It filled Nesta with intense warmth, with love.

“You like it?” She asked, her voice a soft whisper.

He moved, quickly, closing the book with care and setting it aside, before he was crowding into her space, pressing kisses all over her face until he caught her lips, where he stayed for one, two, three, four more, until she was practically breathless.

Nesta’s hands rested against his own, which cupped her face, and laughed, just a little.

“I love it, Nesta,” He replied. “I love it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes, sweetheart. I will treasure this always.”

She pressed her forehead against his, relishing the affection she felt from him.

“I wanted the world to have a piece of how wonderful you are,” She murmured. “But the specific reasons as to why can be just for us.”

“What did I tell you,” He replied, dipping her head to press another kiss to her lips. “The best gift giver.”

Pulling back, he stroked his thumb over her cheek affectionately before moving towards the tree.

“I’m afraid mine may look quite small in comparison.”

Nesta shook her head, watching as he pulled the tiny box from its place atop the tree skirt. The man could bring her a rock, and she'd likely cherish it until she died.

“You know I don’t need anything special.”

“So you tell me every time I get you a gift, baby.”

He approached her again, settling down beside her and placing the box in her hands. It was the one she’d seen briefly at the Market, the one he’d hidden from her.

“I know you got me something that’s not sentimental, and I got you a gift like that too, for tomorrow night. But these, I think, can stay between us.”

Nesta couldn’t shake the smile from her face as she nodded her agreement. For several seconds, she stared down at the box, the gold foil of it glinting in the light. Cassian nudged her with his nose, pressing a kiss to her temple.

“Open it, Nes.”

“Be patient.”

But even as she said the words, she was pulling the ribbon free and lifting the cover off. Her eyes roved over the necklace that sat nestled on a pillow of velvet, and she went still, her throat tightening.

“Cass…”

It was a simple pendant, one that held two stones – their birthstones, to be exact, bound together by metal that had been shaped to look like a single golden thread. Lifting it out of the box, she assessed it closer, lips parted in shock.

“Turn it over.”

She obeyed him, surprised at the small engraving that had somehow fit on the back. Their initials were there, with a year. Next year, the one they were getting married in.

“It’s beautiful,” She said quietly, running her finger over the gems. "Where did you-?"

“I had it custom made from the woman you saw me speaking to. I was picking it up when you so sneakily almost caught me.”

Huffing a laugh, she smiled down at the piece. Simple, yet elegant. Exactly her taste.

“Put it on me?” She asked.

“Of course, sweetheart.”

His hands were soft. They always were, when he touched her. In one gentle movement, he swept her hair over her shoulder, and in the next, he brought the necklace around her throat, the pendant resting perfectly between her collarbones. He clasped it easily, letting his hands slide over her shoulders, his head dipping to kiss her neck.

“I knew it would look beautiful on you,” He murmured. “But I still wasn’t prepared. You’re so stunning, Nes.”

Nesta leaned back into his arms, which wrapped tightly around her, the warm spices and cedar she associated with his scent enveloping her senses. Tilting her head up, she caught his jaw in a kiss, grinning as he dipped his chin to meet her lips properly.

“Merry Christmas,” She whispered, lacing their fingers together where they rested on her stomach. "I love you."

Cassian all but melted at the words, squeezing her tight and settling back against the couch, just holding her.

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart. I love you too.”

---

The next evening, when Nesta and Cassian arrived at Feyre and Rhysand’s house to celebrate, arms full of gifts, her family’s eyes caught immediately on the gold pendant around her neck. Mor and Feyre pestered Cassian for hours, wanting to know where, exactly, it had come from. Azriel had kissed her on the cheek, complimenting her politely as he always did, warm and protective of her as he was. Elain gushed, and Amren smiled approvingly, always appreciative of fine taste. Even Rhysand complimented it, clapping Cassian on the shoulder.

It was a soothing experience, a welcoming one. It filled her with the confidence she didn’t know she needed, to say without hesitation that she belonged here.

And as the family settled around the tree, anxious to pass out gifts, any lingering anxieties faded away to nothing. Nesta couldn’t deny it to herself any longer, nor to those around her. In that moment, she felt entirely complete, entirely content. Entirely sure that this was the life she was meant to live, here with these people.

Just as Cassian had promised, everything was entirely perfect.

--- End ---

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 10 – FOUND FAMILY

AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT: scifigrl47

If you've been in this fandom for any amount of time, you've probably read something of Sci's. The universes that she's created are a fandom staple, and it says a lot about how fantastic her writing is that her OCs fit seamlessly into the stories, to the point that I sometimes forget that they're not actually canon. I especially love the way she writes the whole Found Family aspect of the Avengers, so those are the kinds of fics I want to rec today. But honestly you should just go ahead and binge her entire AO3, because everything on it is incredible.

Here's some of her work that I think you should check out:

Phil Coulson Knows Tony Stark's Super Villain Name

Pairing: Steve/Tony, Clint/Coulson Rating: T Words: 14,454 Tags: Training Exercise, Paintball, Humor

Summary: The only thing really stopping Tony Stark from attempting to conquer the world is that he wouldn't know what to do with it once he conquered it. He's still pretty sure he could do it, though. SHIELD's pretty sure he could do it, too, and SHIELD is pretty uncomfortable with that. There's a plan in place, in case Tony makes a try for world domination, or any sort of caped super villainy. It involves Steve. No one is surprised. This is not that plan. This is a training exercise, involving paint balls. It might end with world domination, anyway.

Reasons why I love it: You just know that if Tony wanted to, he would've taken over the world a long time ago. This fic is hilarious, and I especially love Bruce and Harris' roles in this disaster that Fury calls a training exercise. Also, Darcy is goddamn adorable. This fic always puts a smile on my face, so I hope you check it out!

The Best of Life and Asgard

Pairing: Steve/Tony, Clint/Coulson Rating: M Words: 15,794 Tags: Humor, Public Indecency, Drunken Behavior

Summary: Tony Stark has been drunk at a few parties in his life. A quick browse of YouTube makes that impossible to deny, so he doesn't bother. But he can control himself, he doesn't have to drink. He can stay perfectly sober for just one night. He promised, he could go one night without drinking. The problem is, he was the only one who made that promise.

Reasons why I love it: Drunk Steve is so adorable, oh my god. I love the mild dash of angst sprinkled in at the beginning and the end, and Steve's upset over his own behavior is funny and endearing at the same time. The strip poker scene makes me cry laughing every time. And the Avengers family feels are strong with this one. I adore this fic, so please check it out, if you haven't already!

Phil Coulson Does Not Bake (and The Avengers Do Not Shop At IKEA Anymore)

Pairing: Steve/Tony, Clint/Coulson Rating: G Words: 6,671 Tags: Humor, Pranks, Baking

Summary: Sometimes Tony Stark makes poor choices. Sometimes Tony pushes his teasing of Steve Rogers just a little too far. Sometimes Steve decides he's had enough. Phil Coulson's the one who's got to write this nonsense up, and he does not bake.

Reasons why I love it: Tony is such a little shit. Honestly, he deserves what Steve has in store for him. And of course, Tony is absolutely adorable in his desperation to make it up to Steve, even if he has to learn a new skill to do it. The rest of the Avengers getting roped into it is just the cherry on top. I love this one so much, please go and read it for yourself, it's amazing!

Extracurricular Activities

Pairing: Steve/Tony, Clint/Coulson Rating: T Words: 8,332 Tags: Overprotective Avengers, Poor Choices, Exotic Dancing

Summary: New York has a party for any taste. Some people like high class lounges. Some enjoy a good dive bar. There are gay bars and techno clubs and all night raves. And somewhere out there, there's a club where the dancers are dressed like Super Heroes, and Spider-Man may or may not be their headliner. Let's face it, the everyone assumed that Clint would be the first Avenger to take up pole dancing. He's a little distressed he's been beaten to the punch.

Reasons why I love it: I don't know why, but somehow the thought of Spiderman pole-dancing for money just makes complete sense in my head. And the rest of the Avengers being nosy bitches about it is a given. We love to see it. And any appearance of Harris in a scifigrl47 fic is enough to make my day. This fic is amazing, and you should definitely go ahead and read it!

Phil Coulson is Not the Avengers' Public Relations Manager

Pairing: Steve/Tony, Clint/Coulson Rating: T Words: 6,881 Tags: Humor, Steve Does Not Like Bullies, Social Justice

Summary: From the Avengers Case Files of Phil Coulson: Grocery shopping is necessary, Tony's a little too proud of his tech, Captain America's lost on the streets of New York, and sometimes social injustice just happens. Phil Coulson's the one who's got to write this nonsense up, and he is not their PR Manager.

Reasons why I love it: Drew and Shawn have my entire heart. And Steve too, although that one's a given. I love seeing the Avengers fight for social justice, and their statements to the press are so fucking satisfying. Give me Steve fighting bullies any day! Definitely check this one out if you haven't read it yet, I bet you'll love it just as much as I do!

[bio1]

Hey everyone, finally finished part two of my transformers Earthspark horror themed fanfic.

If you haven't read act 1, please check out this link.

One last thing, thank you so much for @billie-jay for helping writing and editing of this story. Couldn't have done it without them.

Now let's begin.

Warning: this story contains body horror, blood, and descriptions of graphic violence.

Act 2: rotten to the core

The Terran siblings' optics were the only source of light in the now otherwise pitch black dugout. After the dreadful clicking of the lights switching off, the room was now eerily quiet once again.

“We didn't kill it.” Nightshade finally broke the silence, stating the obvious.

"No, you didn't."

A voice replied, taunting the young bot. Well, perhaps calling it a voice would be too generous. Whatever responded spoke in a manner similar to rusted nails scratching at granite. Its pitch and tone managed to fluctuate in a manner that just barely could be recognizable as words. It was a sound that shouldn't be possible, as if scrap metal could somehow speak. It went beyond uncanny. Hearing something that otherworldly felt downright violating.

What clever children you are, deducing my traits so quickly.

Most don't last long enough to find out that.

Whatever monitors still remained attached flickered on, although they broadcasted nothing but static. When their adversary spoke again, the static shifted in time with its voice.

"My, such a colorful collection. So bright and shiny, sturdy with youthful vigor. Small you might be, but your remains will a part of something far bigger than you could ever dream."

Twitch, with all her remaining energy, was not having any of this cryptic nonsense. She stormed up to the monitors and put her face meter inches from the screen in a confrontational manner.

“Get away from my family, NOW!” She boomed, slamming her foot onto the concrete floor.

The dying power on the monitor only showed one thing, the white enormous eye of their torturer.

"Oh my child, it's far too late for that."

Twitch stepped back, trying her absolute best now to show how terrified she truly was. Too late for what?! What was this thing implying?

“You're bluffing! You haven't gotten to them yet!” Nightshade answered back for her. “Now how about you save us all time and tell us what you want!”

Twitch wasn't sure what her sibling was getting at. Did they want to give into this thing's demands? And how could they know that their family hadn't been harmed yet?

"If you're already awake, I thought we might as well have a little fun."

It was pretty obvious the creature was trying to be creepy, but neither of them knew whether or not it fully understood the context of what it just implied.

The dugout was completely silent and nearly pitch black, the abyss around them only just illuminated from both of the bots glowing optics.

“Nightshade! What do we do?! Our family is out there with that… that thing! I don't even know which way the exit is anymore, it's too dark…”

“There’s no reason for alarm, the dugout has a backup generator in the barn.” Nightshade tried their absolute best to remain calm for her, despite the gravity of the situation weighing on their mind as well.

“I'll go check on everyone in the house. In the meanwhile, you can start up the generator.”

“Wait, shouldn't that be the other way around? I can actually fit in the house, and you would know how the generator works.”

“Because I can grab everyone in one trip. It would take too long for you to back and forth. Plus, turning it on is rather simple.”

“Nightshade, I've seen the things you make, and none of it is simple.”

“It's literally just a red button labeled ‘generator’.”

“Nevermind, I should be able to handle that.”

Both of the bots carefully exited the dugout. With neither spotting the monster, Nightshade and Twitch split up, their goals both in sight.

Twitch approached the generator, optics darting around herself in paranoia.

“It's okay, Twitch. Just a few more steps.” The red mech assured herself, voice still shaky.

She stood in front of the machine, just barely out of arms’ reach. A chill ran down her metallic spine. Thoughts of what occurred earlier in the night ran through her mind. She kept imagining that if she pushed the button, something would come to remove her head from her shoulders.

“Twitch! HURRY!”

The loud voice booming from the doorway startled the poor bot. It was Nightshade, already back with their human family in tow. They were peacefully sleeping, blissfully unaware of the danger around them. Nightshade dashed into the bunker, leaving Twitch to finish their task.

With a deep sigh, she pushed the red button, the lights around her flickering on. Twitch turned back to join their sibling before stopping dead in her tracks. Something was pushing itself through a gap in the barn wall. A black, pulsating mass with gray armor grew larger as more of its amorphous form forced its way into the room. Five huge tendrils sprouted from a centered metal lump. It almost looked like…

“A hand.” She breathed, the terrifying realization overcoming her.

A monster hand, almost bigger than her entire body.

She drew out her swords as the hand flexed its grotesque fingers.

The monster, noticing her presence, immediately lunged at her. She barely had enough time to dodge or before the gnarled fingers could ensnare her. The hand instead grabbed hold of a solid wooden support beam directly behind her. Smaller tendrils unwind themselves from the fingers joints, constricting the beam completely until the pressure caused it to cave in. An entire, solid cylinder of wood, crushed by a single movement into dust. The hand, realizing it has missed it's intended target, reared around with gelatinous eyes protruding from its finger joints, searching for Twitch.

"Hold still !"

“How about no!” She yelled before jabbing her blade into its wrist. The palm of the hand writhed in pain, fingers bending backwards as it struggled to pull the foreign object out. The wrist was almost jammed like a metal rod between two gears.

Twitch grabbed the handle of the embedded sword and twisted it clockwise, separating the hand from its wrist. A spray of oily fluid landed on her optics, muddling her vision. The hand writhed in pain for a moment, finally curling up on itself.

A distant sound of pain could be heard, but Twitch felt like she had no time to celebrate as she went to join her family. The young bot slammed the vault door shut as soon as she made it to the bunker, not wanting to take any more chances. Nightshade has laid the siblings’ organic family into individual sleeping quarters.

“Twitch, are you alright?” Nightshade asked, concerned. Their sibling’s face was drenched in the black, oily blood of their adversary.

“Yeah, I just had my hands full.” she responded confidently. Though her words had the cadence of a joke, Nightshade didn't seem to pick up on it.

“Seriously, what happened?” They prodded further.

“That monster tried to crush me. Sort of like this.” Twitch crushed one of the emptied energy drink cans as a demonstration.

“But it doesn't know who they're messing with, and I manage to cut their hand off.” She smiled proudly, but residual unease from the near death encounter still hung to her tone. This bravado was an attempt to force her mood to improve, and it wasn't entirely working.

“Here, to wipe the oil off.” Nightshade handed her a large cloth.

“Oh, thanks.” She cleaned her face up, before looking down at the now dirtied rag. “Wait, isn't this Robbie's shirt?”

“Yes. I borrowed some spare clothing from all of the family and store it here, in case of emergencies.”

“Borrowed? He told me he couldn't find this shirt for months….” She held out the soaked t-shirt in front of her, rancid oily blood dripping off it onto the floor.

“Emergency preparedness is more important than a diverse wardrobe.” Nightshade took the soiled garment and threw it into a basket. “That'll come off in the laundry. Probably.”

In the corner of Nightshade’s sensitive optics, they picked up some movement on the now activated surviving monitor. The pair raced over to see what it was. Out of the darkness of the forest above, something jumped into fame! The figure startled Nightshade badly enough that they fell to the floor. After recovering from the near spark attack herself, Twitch realized what it was.

“Oh, it's just a deer.” She gave a sigh of relief.

Nightshade got a good giggle from the pair of them getting so startled by a cute little buck. Twitch had mentioned she cut off the monster's hand, right? Surely, it wasn't coming back…

Gazing back at the screen, something reached out and snatched the poor animal. Their monitor’s audio played a sickening crack the moment after. It was the unmistakable noise of snapping bone.

The culprit emerged from the woods, towering above even the tallest of trees. In one gnarled hand, it carried the limp body of the deer, whose neck.was now bent at an unnatural angle, clearly dead.

The other hand was missing, leaving a stub of black tentrals.

It was clear this wasn't some kind of wooden monster they had thought of earlier. This was far worse.

This monster appeared to be wearing the outer armor of a Cybertronian, held together by mangled tendrils and rusted metal sheets. Its abdomen, neck, and joints were made of thick, wiry tentacles twisted together like ropes of licorice. Long, clawed fingers clutched onto the rag doll deer. Its face, seemingly normal at first glance, appeared to have enormous spotlights for optics, surrounded by deep black rings. It was as if it had carved holes in whatever unfortunate mech’s face it was using to fit its massive eyes.

The abomination was mostly gray, with any remaining colors on its shell muted and drained. It reminded Nightshade when they learned from Bumblebee that when a Cybertronian dies as a result of having their spark extinguished, theus body will lose its color. All that's left behind is a gray, empty shell.

The monster lifted the deer so that it was held directly in front of its ghastly face. Instead of simply opening its mouth, it split its own jaw completely in half. Row upon row of sharp yellowed greeted their prey, before sinking into the buck’s head. It antlers sloughed off and fell to the forest floor. The poor deer's head barely gave any resistance to the creature’s bite, getting chomped away easily as a stalk of celery.

Twitch immediately felt sick, the urge to vomit filling her despite not even having a stomach.

Nightshade starred, wide-eyed with morbid curiosity, unawall to tear away their gaze.

With one of its clawed fingers, it easily gutted and flayed the remainder of the deer with the precision of a surgeon. It swallowed each limb whole, not even stopping to back a breather between each bite. The deer's torso was impaled on the tallest tree around, seemingly leaving it for later.

Full enough for now, the metallic corpse leaned over, resting its damaged arm on the forest floor. Slowly but surely, the severed tendrils twisted and grew, sprouting forward from the site of the injury. Soon enough, it had a brand new hand, identical to the original.

All of the damage the siblings had inflicted on the creature was undone in a moment.

“This isn't happening…” Twitch’s voice was barely a whisper, her entire body fighting back the urge to retch.

"A Valiant attempt, little one, But not good enough."

The creature's unnatural voice made the static on the monitor worse as it spoke. How it had heard her from so far away was a complete mystery.

The thing bent forward to show its back, smaller tendrils poking out of the monster's armor. They wriggled and writhed, pulling themselves from the beast's back. Falling out from the cracks in the metal, two smaller creatures collided on the ground before standing up. They superficially resembled Cybertronian protoforms, but were differentiated by the claws and soulless eyes of the original monster.

"Go get me the green one. The red one is yours… consider it a treat."

It pointed towards the camera at the base of the tree. The pawn-like monsters listened, immediately making their way towards the barn.

"I'll be seeing you shortly, Maltos."

It bowed at the camera, before walking backwards out of site, into the woods.

“We are sooooo screwed.” Twitch mumbled, once the whole ordeal had concluded. “How did it find that tiny little camera? And when did it learn our family's name?”

“Don't worry, we, um…” Nightshade’s usually calm demeanor was shaking, the panic getting to them as well. … ‘“We should be safe here.” They placed a hand on her shoulder reassuringly, metal clicking as they touched. Twitch immediately swatted their hand away, turning in place to face them.

“Safe?” Her optics went wide, sparking with a furocity Nightshade had only seen a few times before. “Safe?! You just saw that thing make more of itself, Nightshade! We are anything BUT safe right now!”

They knew she was right, and that their reassurance was an empty gesture she had easily seen through.

“I’m sick of this.”

She drew out both of her swords.

Nightshade looked visibly shaken from Twitch's outburst, justified as it might be. If they could cry, they would be tearing up.

“Twitch, I-”

Twitch cut them off again.

“I'm going out there to defend what I love!”

Even though Twitch was running off fumes, she would fight an army if it meant keeping their family safe.

Nightshade rubs their optics before putting a hand on her shoulder once again.

“Not by yourself. I'm coming with you.” Nightshade informed her with an uncharacteristically stirred tone.

“You need to stay here, with them.” She pleaded. “I've got more training than you. I can handle this.”

“With all due respect, there isn't a chance you'd survive going head to head alone with our advisory here. I doubt even Optimus could take that monster down by himself. I get why you want to stay back, but we won't be of any use without each other.” They leaned in, giving Twitch a big bear hug.

“We're doing this together,” said Nightshade.

After a moment of hesitation, Twitch nodded firmly.

“Together.” she replied, hugging them back.

They made sure everything was secured before drinking what was left of the energy drinks in hopes of staving off the creature's parasitic exhaustion. Venturing out of the dugout, they double checked to guarantee the door was locked behind them.

The bots stuck close by to one another, Twitch leading slightly ahead. Just as Nightshade got an arm's length away from their sister, something jumped on their shoulders and wrapped its arms around their neck.

It was one of the odd gray things that the creature had produced. The thing was about Twitch’s size, only barely taller than the average human. Nightshade was able to pull their assailant off them, slamming it against the dirt.

Cracks formed on the monster's armor, its left leg was bent in the opposite direction.

This seemingly didn't slow it down, however, as with a high pitch grunt it snapped its leg back in place before charging at the green mech.

“NIGHTSHADE! Go high, I'm going low!” Twitch changed her hand into a blaster before taking aim and firing. The laser shot hit the monster's bad leg, blasting it off from the knee down.

As it stumbled, Nightshade talons struck against its face. This almost completely destroyed one of its eyes, leaving a deep gash. They knock it back with a powerful upcut to its jaw, sending half of its pointy teeth into the air.

As it fell backwards, Twitch raised one of her blades. She sent an aggressive slash on its shoulder. The sword moves in a round arc, cutting its torso in two like a knife through warm butter.

Both halves of the body fell down. Horrifically, even though all the monstrosity had left was a single arm, it continued to drag itself towards them. The thing seems either unaware or unbothered by the fact that its insides were being scrapped across the ground as it moved.

Nightshade backed up a good distance from their pursuer before running back at it, full sprint. With one solid kick, they sent its head flying over the house.

“Goal!” Nightshade cheered, twisting around to check on Twitch. Their little joke seemed to have worked at lightening some of the tension, and she smiled back at him widely. “That was awesome, Nightshade!”

As the small monster's corpse finally fell still, the siblings celebrated by high-fiving each other.

Their victory was short-lived, however, as an enormous hand rapidly grabbed Twitch from around the house. Nightshade ran after it, coming to stand in front of the Goliath.

“Let me go!” Twitch remanded, taking a shot at the thing’s chest, leaving nothing but a small burn mark. It retaliated by squeezing her tighter. With its other hand, it picked up her swords before tossing them away into the woods.

“You! After all this… chaos! What more do you want?” Nightshade yelled as loud as their vocal processor would allow.

The creature flexed its long neck towards the ground, gargantuan eyes boring holes into Nightshade's very being.

"It appears your human masters didn't raise you with any manners, child. But for future reference, it's not considered polite to ask such questions before being given a proper introduction."

It gave a devilish, cocky smirk. A sickeningly smug expression from a creature who had known it had already won. It was just toying with its prey now, watching them squirm and suffer for its own amusement.

"You may call me exquisite corpse. I've seen how smart you are, I assume you can guess how I earned such a title."

Nightshade wasn't even sure how to respond. This thing's manner of speech was infuriatingly civilized, clearly in an attempt to further provoke them.

"As for your question, I am after you in particular, little owl."

“Me?!” They blurted in response. “And what makes you think I'm going to go along with this?” Nightshade challenged, trying not to let their confusion and fear show.

The haughty grin on Exquisite Corpse’s face never faltered.

"Oh, I suspected resistance from you, child. There's a good reason I made my powers known to you from the start."

It leaned in even closer, its massive face just inches from Nightshade. Bits of blood and refuge from the deer it had previously consumed clung to its metal fangs.

"You know what I'm capable of. You know what I could do to not only her..."

It shook Twitch around in its hand, causing the red bot to yelp in shock and discomfort.

"...But to your entire clan if I wanted. So now that you're aware what's at stake, I don't think you'll put up any more struggle when I tell you to come with me."

“Don't even think about it, Nightshade!” Twitch barked.

"I didn't say you could talk, fly!"

It screeched, pressing its claws against her even further. Twitch's body creaked as she tried not to scream from the pain. It was clear that if Exquisite Corpse's grip got any tighter, those claws would rip right through her.

“Stop!” Nightshade begged. “Please, just put her down…”

"Oh, I'll do a lot more than that. Do as I say, and your entire family will get left out of this unfortunate little affair. "

It leaned its empty hand in front of the bot.

"How does that sound, owl?"

The lights in Nightshade's optics streaked, making their vision go blurry. Tensing up, they reluctantly grabbed a finger of the giant hand back, shaking it.

“I accept your terms.” they solemnly said, biting their lip in anguish.

"I knew you were smart. Very good."

It tossed Twitch to the ground, the minion pawns standing behind her with baited breath, held back only by their obedience to their master like a dog on a leash.

Exquisite Corpse gently picked up the owl, exhaling a deep purplish smoke in their face. Nightshade immediately felt more tired than they ever had in their life. As their body went limp for exhaustion, they heard one final exchange from the monster to its servants.

"She's all yours."

As they walked off towards the woods, the last thing Nightshade could process was Twitch's, violently screaming out for their sibling to help her.

To the continued…

[trashlie]

hello there! I recently read I Love Yoo for the first time and first off, wow what a series. as I've been diving into the fandom I found your blog (your analysis posts are absolutely amazing) and since you've been around the fandom a long time I was hoping you could help clarify a few things for me. obviously there's seven years of fandom and meta context I'm missing out on, but I keep seeing references to two planned time skips and seasons that I'm a little confused about. everything that's out now I think is still the first season? but I'm wondering what exactly the author has shared over the years of the planned timeline, time skips, etc. thank you in advance for any clarification you can provide! very excited to dive into more of your analysis in the future

Oh wow! I feel like getting to jump in and just binge ILY from this point is SO amazing - having this much of the story already out, so many episodes and being able to see how those threads connect and where they go! 🤩 The dream! (Also thank you!!!! I really appreciate that! Esp since I haven't made any ILY posts lately; they're in my head, I just haven't gotten around to finishing typing them out lol)

But to answer your question, quimchee has told us there will be two timeskips. The first is a short timeskip that will bring us to graduation, and the second is a much bigger timeskip of around 4 years or so. 👀 I have a little write up in the ILY Discord server about this that I should finally add to my blog today after work about how I think the timeskips coincide with Yujing's article - that is, I think she's likely working on two articles.

Now, this part is speculation and not from quimchee - she's only told us when the timeskips are and how long they'll jump us. But Nol's sentence is 120 days (less if he's good, as Yujing noted) and 120 days takes us to April. What else is in April? Shinae's birthday! Timing-wise, it depends on if quimchee is using a Korean calendar for school; after all, she did use the college entrance exams that Korean school systems utilize. In this case, graduation happens in February, but given that ILY doesn't strictly add to Korean or U.S. culture rules (quimchee refers to the setting as The United States of Asia lol) we might see this budged to adhere to a more U.S.-centric graduation era where Nol's release times up with Shinae's birthday (no way are we skipping over that!) and graduation. This is likely when Yujing will drop her first article about Nol, possibly exposing that he was framed for a crime he didn't take, made to take the fall, and most certainly exposing that he's the true legitimate heir of the Hirahara family by Mukoyoshi law. Yujing noted that Nol pleading guilty actually helps them/their case, and I think this is so because it isn't the first time he's taken the fall for someone else because he's the "other son"; it's heavily implied that the altercation that occurred between him and Kousuke was not Nol's fault/doing.

Now, the other timeskip will likely see our cast reuniting after Shinae finishes college. I think she will end up taking Yui's offer - whether because she's backed into a corner or because makes the choice we're yet to see - and I think we might actually see her come back as Kousuke's assistant to finish off her contract (or perhaps as part of the Yui trap). Nol will likely go to college abroad and Kousuke... well. I think we can see where he's headed 😭 This is also when I think Yujjng will REALLY go after Yui and Gun, what all those articles she was researching are leafing to.

Something quimchee mentioned on a patreon stream is that during the timeskip (and it wasn't specified which), she'd like to show the passage of time by showing the characters keeping in touch via letters, emails, texts, etc which I'm REALLY looking forward to!

In the past, we were told ILY would be divided into 2 seasons, and that season 2 would start after the big timeskip, but quimchee has said before that's not going to happen? However, sometimes a lot of us still refer to season 2 as "post-big-time-skip" for brevity lol. Maybe we'll still see it as s2 in the future but last I heard it won't be broken up into seasons.

I know this was more than what you asked but I always get so excited talking about the timeskips, I can't wait for them!!! I know the first one is SO close! I think quimchee was trying her best to get to it before her birth so she could do a little break before the first timeskip but alas. But we are SO close, I can almost taste it, AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

I'm so glad you found ILY and are enjoying it!!! It really is not what it first appears and the way it subverts those expectations will always be one of my favorite aspects of this series. Seeing nre readers find it at this time, when there's so much of the series to consume and feed on is so exciting! 🥺 Happy reading! Please let me know if you have more questions!

[fleabagsjoy]

Ok so i just binge-watched Oniisama E (Dear Brother) and i have.... thoughts. And feelings.

(SPOILERS AHEAD!)

Not super eloquent ones, I don't have any type of degree or formal education on writing or media analysis, i'm just word vomiting what i think and feel without any sources or facts to back it up so i hope that's okay. And i feel like i should preface with the fact that i didn't actually watch the last four episodes because i dreaded having to sit through Kaoru and Mariko ending up with men idgaf about, and instead read a summary of those last four episodes on Wikipedia.

With that being said, i absolutely loved this anime, i had already watched Revolutionary Girl Utena and everyone who enjoyed that one was talking about this anime so i figured I'd give it a try too and i don't regret it at all. The characters, the setting, the ANIMATION, the main plot and subplots (some of which i enjoyed more than others), i enjoyed it all.

I don't want to point out the obvious about the ending, we all know. But i was prepared, went in with the mindset of completely ignoring eps 36-39, specially the "Real Love is Heterosexual Love" speech that it pulls in the last couple episodes, so i'm not that upset by it. I will say that putting "you will only know what true love is when you find a man for yourself" is some twisted, sexist and lesbophobic stuff to put in an anime where Nanako, Rei and Mariko canonically fall in love with girls and whoever came up with that will not be seeing the pearly gates of heaven. And if that wasn't enough, they had to make the girls end up with men because uuhhh i guess they have to! But anyways, i still read the summary of what happened in those last four episodes.

I read a review from 3 years ago by medivhtirisfal that mentioned this and i'm so glad i'm not the only one but this really reminds me of a series of books that i used to collect when i was younger about an all girls boarding school and all types of adventures and mischief they got up to (the St. Clare's series) and i guess part of me always craved more of that. Oniisama E scratched that itch i suppose, i'll always crave all female casts and to see interactions and relationships that form between them, all types of relationships really: sisterhood, platonic, romantic, sexual, healthy, toxic, simple, complex... women stories matter! And i love when they're the center and backbone of the plot.

Now back to the actual anime. I haven't read the manga yet, don't think i will for a while even though i do like the mangakas artstyle from the few panels i've seen. But like i mentioned, Oniisama E reminds me of those books i used to collect, it's a string of events that happen during the first school year at an all-girls academy of our main character Misonoo Nanako.

It was very satisfying to see Nanako be a bit more submissive when everything and everyone was new to her vs. becoming more confident in her decisions and standing up for herself and others she cares about later on. She was always very caring for others, but i do feel like she let herself be shoved around in the first few episodes so seeing her stand up for Rei against Fukiko and quit the Sorority because of her loyalty not just to Mariko, but to herself and her values, made her one of my favorite characters. Also who can't relate to falling in love with Rei... Asaka Rei was undoubtedly one of the reasons that got me to watch the anime.

I gotta prepare myself before i write a paragraph for her because wow... too much to unpack. I can't elaborate better than some other Asaka Rei understanders about the intricacies of witnessing her own mother take her life in front of her daughter, after telling her to protect and take care of Fumiko, and how that pressure of committing to her mother's final wish lead to Rei's confusion of feelings for her own sister, devoting her everything to her, even her life. I suspect never dealing with the loss of her mother properly is what lead to Rei's severe depression and inability to understand all types love and bonds that she could have with other people, seeing Fukiko as her beginning and end from that moment.

Needless to say that, as much as i wanted her to realize this and free herself from this torment so she could deal with her trauma properly, she had to do it by herself so she could gain some sense of self and build an identity outside of someone she worshiped for so long and SPECIALLY before getting into a relationship with anyone (r.i.p. nanakorei). She's the most tragic character in this story to me, all of this started at a very young age and she had no way to get out of it and when she got close to that, the plot decided to say NOPE. NO CHANCES OF A HAPPY ENDING FOR YOU. Bottom line is: she desperately needed therapy. Veeery early on.

I have to follow up with Ichinomiya Fukiko, a really toxic and abusive teenage girl with too much power over the other girls at school, she lives in a bubble built for incredibly rich people (as do many of the other characters), leader of the Sorority (an academy "elite club"). One of the best things about shoujo ai like this is that all female characters are so fleshed out and have so much to give to the viewers and Fukiko is no exception. I will say that i fail to see a character that has so much (negative) impact on most of the other main characters as she was very often abusing/taking advantage of/humiliating others.

It's definitely because of her upbringing but she always bottled up her feelings to keep up a façade of composure, with Nanako's constant defiance, after confronting her feelings for Henmi and her relationship with Rei, as well as after the abolition of the Sorority, we gradually got to see different sides of her. She's... complicated. Not an evil mastermind or anything, her attempts of sabotage seemed very desperate adn half-hearted, but she could still be very cruel and take advantage even of people she claimed to love. Still, Fukiko was one of the main driving forces of the story and i can always appreciate a character like that.

Of course that leads me to Orihara Kaoru! She is probably one of the most consistent characters in the anime, loyal, determined and resolute, very sure of where she stands, oh my god... i'd crush on her so hard too if i was one of the girls at the academy. I loved the relationship she had with Rei, the soulmateism was off the charts, they had an incredibly intimate bond that no one could replicate and, besides Nanako, i felt for her the most when Rei passed away. I'm pretty sure her having to face the past between her and Henmi was also a big part of her character but again, i really don't wanna witness how that ends so i'm not gonna elaborate too much on what happens in the last four episodes, which is unfortunate because i'm sure a lot of her own development as a character happens in those but whatever...

I didn't expect this when i started Oniisama e but Shinobu Mariko is my favorite character!! It took a while for her to grow on me but i love her a lot. Mariko is mostly known for the misandrist lines (which... real) and i appreciate that she never really changed that (until #those episodes but i won't consider them strictly canon for my sake), but she had such a great story arc with facing her loneliness and facing the problems she had with her parents. I'm no psychologist but BPD is heavily implied and from what i've seen by other fans with BPD, a lot of symptoms were shown throughout the anime, which i appreciate since Mariko wasn't villainized and was instead shown as someone with her own issues with boundaries and relationships at first but that she could manage and balance in a healthier way later on... it's not something you can easily see in anime, specially not from this time. I was really happy when Mariko, Nanako and Tomoko became a great friend trio who could rely on each other halfway through, another testament to her character development.

Tomoko was one of my favs as well! A lot of other characters were very interesting and had important moments in main characters arc like Misaki and Henmi. It's been a while since i've seen an older shoujo but the animation and editing was fascinating to me, very gorgeous, over the top sometimes but we need that! What happened to that! Anyways it's very beautiful, i appreciate it. The intro song will stick with me too and the damn Academy bell... Very melodramatic, but very fun, it's a hit for me!

I'm still grieving Rei so i can't really face anything that happened in eps 33-35. We're past making the lesbians suffer, NANAKO AND REI DESERVED THEIR DATE ON THE BEACH!!

I fear i will be upset by that for the time being but hey, that's what fanfiction is for.

[micia-posts-stuff]

The absolute double standard of saying Damian is more mature and doesn’t need to be change aged up when we have writers have him still treating Anya like if he was an 6 year old with a crush, lashing out at her and sometimes insulting her and treating her even worse, and it is worse because he should know better by then. Not to mention have him be openly ashamed of his feelings for her and have Anya still fall for a immature manchild like this, because it’s okay is not what he really thinks anyway :/

Alright, since I'm receiving a lot of asks on this subject, I want to preface this by saying that I haven't read a lot of Damianya fan fiction. The reason why in my previous asks I always go back to the manga is because I don't have that much experience in Damianya fan fictions and I don't want to seem like I have more knowledge on the subject than I actually do 😅

Also also for how many pet peeves you, me or anyone else might have it's important to remember that authors and artists do this for free and under no obligation, so I try to keep a "if you don't like it, don't read it" kinda vibe, or read it anyway if you want to explore a different interpretation, but keep in mind that it's ok if it doesn't align with what you have in mind. This is to say that I'm trying to answer these by just speculating my personal interpretation of Damian and Anya and their future, not to police anybody.

With that being said, from what I've seen a lot of aged up Damian and Anya are still teens, so I think it's ok if he's still embarrassed of his crush, because teens are awkward, so Damian has the right to be an awkward teen. Even if they're already adults a bit of "I can't believe I fell in love with you" can be funny, it's the classic "you're an idiot" "Yes but I'm YOUR idiot" situation. The same way I said I think Anya would still have a bit of childhood wonder I also think Damian might keep some tsundere-tendencies. I do agree that I'd like to see Damian stop lashing out to Anya and definitely not treating her worse, especially because I think he's already making progress in the manga, apologizing and dropping the act when other people aren't around, he still has work to do, but he's getting better. Tho I also think a bit of playful bickering is funny. It's even a recurring gag in the manga that their bickering is seen as normal, with the other kids, including Becky, Ewen and Emile, leaving them to go to class. Also when Damian thinks he has crossed the line in any way (even when he didn't mean it and it genuinely wasn't his fault, like when Anya told him she got a dog) he immediately apologies and tries to cheer her up. Like the way this kid cannot stand Anya being upset and crying is honestly so cute and funny, one of my favorite things about their dynamic. So in conclusion I think they would still bicker a bit, but never to be hurtful, because Damian can't really stand making her actually upset. But also, if a fic or a comic wants to explore a moment when one of them said something wrong that's also fine, because sometimes people say stuff they don't mean and writing about fictional characters doing the same is ok.

If you think my take is pretty lukewarm is because it is, I really don't want people to feel like they HAVE to write characters a certain way.

[siriuslysatorusimping]

Happy (AO3) Anniversary to Another Level! 🎉 (and a long-ass Kiko rant bc who would I be without those?)

If you haven't already, you can read Another Level on AO3. I'm slowly posting the installments here on Tumblr as well 💕

I posted Make A God Bleed exactly a year ago and I never imagined that it would become what it has. Honestly, I created Rinko on a whim and she took on a life of her own that I’m so grateful for. I love our lil corner. I’ve loved pretty much every moment we’ve had here.

I wouldn’t have survived 236 without Rinko and our corner. I wouldn’t have gotten through it without all of you here, sharing my rage and my anger. And I wouldn’t have gotten through all the shit going down now, either.

But I told my best friend a few months ago that I truly never would have found the courage to finally get out of my toxic, loveless marriage if I hadn’t realized that I was writing a lot of Rinko and Satoru’s relationship the way that I so desperately wished my marriage was: one filled with mutual respect and love. Two people who love each other despite the hardships, through the hardships, and facing everything that comes at them together. Loving each other even when it’s hard. Working to be better for themselves and for each other. That’s love. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s hard, but at the end of the day, it should never feel lonely. It should never leave you feeling unwanted or unlovable or like a burden. It should never leave you feeling hopeless. It should never make you feel like you’re on an island all alone while you’re sitting right next to someone who claims to love you.

*tw for trauma dump, discussion of emotional abuse

When I finally told my ex-husband that I wanted a divorce, it was in response to his threat with it. Since we got married, in almost any disagreement or argument we had, he would attempt to end it by threatening me with, “Do you want to end up divorced? Because this is how we end up divorced." When I finally told him that yes, I did want to get divorced, he listed all the reasons he believed we couldn't. After he'd given a laundry list of reasons, all of which included what others would say or think, I realized and pointed out that he hadn't once said he wanted to stay married because he loved me and wanted to be with me.

He didn't want to stay married to me. He just didn't want to be divorced. To him, marriage was a status symbol, not love. To him, divorce was a threat and a weapon to keep me in line - to keep me from disagreeing with him. As if living life married to someone who threatened divorce instead of being willing to discuss and resolve our problems, someone who didn't want to go to marriage counseling because he didn't want 'homework' and didn't want to 'listen to a stranger tell him what to do,' someone who swore at me and called me names and treated me like a child when he was upset, someone who threw things at me and waved objects in my face and broke things when he was angry, someone who said that I never took responsibility for my actions but always blamed his own on me, was somehow better than being alone for the rest of my life.

I'm not perfect. I'll never claim to be perfect or blameless. There are absolutely ways I could have been better in my marriage and in life. But I finally realized that no matter my flaws, nothing excuses the way he treated me. Nothing excuses the number of times he purposefully made me wish I was dead; the number of times he glared at me with something so close to hatred while I had a panic attack and accused me of faking it to make him feel sorry for me; the number of times he stormed out and left me wondering if my existence in his life was truly so awful that it would be better if I was gone forever; the number of times that I had to sit alone in a room, sobbing as I tried to convince myself that dying wasn't the solution while my husband told me he wouldn't comfort me because I didn't deserve it. He told me that my years of therapy had done nothing for my mental health, but the fact that I'm still breathing proves him wrong.

I didn't do it alone. I had so much help. I had my therapist, my best friend, my family, my friends, and Rinko and all of you in our lil corner. So, thank you all again from the bottom of my heart.

Our Goinko has become so much more than I ever imagined. From Another Level to Physical Paradox to Gokudō, I genuinely love that so many people adore these two idiots as much as I do. It makes my heart jump every time someone tells me they’re rereading Another Level or that it’s their comfort because, in all honesty, it’s mine, too. It's incredible to see that people are still finding it and reading it for the first time. Seeing comments from people who binged it all in one night makes my entire day.

I’ve been so busy lately with my new job and trying to navigate what my life is now that I’m divorced that I really don’t have that much time to write, but I promise I’m still here. I will finish Physical Paradox, and I will finish Gokudō. And then I just might pick up my original work again and maybe get it published someday.

Hopefully, I’ll have an update of some kind for something soon, but we’ll see. I’ve decided to try to quit pressuring myself so much.

Thank you all again for being part of our lil corner and this incredible journey over the past year. I couldn’t have made it this far without you, and I’m so excited to see what this next year brings!

Also, a side note: my birthday is next week, and I’m going to have dinner and cake with my parents tonight to celebrate a bit early. I’m excited about my birthday for the first time since before I got married. I’m happy with where I am and with my life. My mother pointed out that she hadn’t heard me say that I was happy in years.

Sorry for this hella long rant, but I appreciate you reading it.

Much love to you all, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night!!

💕 Kiko