#if you guessed me. well. you would be correct

[thetadispatcher]

Vincent still didn't like the fact there was a person in the room he didn't know, but knowing Dan was watching her helped ease his anxiety. He glanced at Bishop before he shifted to nestle against him, resting his head against him. Peter's desire for physical contact had caused the AP700 realize he felt safer when he could feel the person next to him, he didn't understand why, but he didn't care as he liked the feeling.

Always being stressed and on high alert was wearing down his systems, so he welcomed any relief from the constant error messages and garbage data overwhelming him. He knew he had no reason to be afraid at home, but he couldn't stop himself from overreacting to every noise or person who visited.

He shifted his eyes to look up at the other android, feeling he better explain himself as he knew the other didn't like being touched very much. "Sorry, I should've asked... But the contact helps me feel safe, and you help as well, so I thought... You know... That combining the two would be nice, and it is..." Vincent decided he'd explain himself using a mental link, as he felt Dan and the other human didn't need to know. "I just need a break from my anxiety, and everything it's doing to my systems... But if-if you don't like it, I-I understand! I don't want to make you un-uncomfortable for my sake, that-that would be horrible of m-me!" He panicked a bit as he realized Bishop might let him do as he wanted just for his sake, something he definitely didn't want him to feel obligated to do.

Dan felt the other android's eyes on him, he glanced at Bishop for a moment and noted that Vincent was likely talking to him as his LED was flashing yellow. He didn't understand how Vincent could trust the other android as much as he did, but he knew questioning them wouldn't provide any answers. So he turned away, deciding he'd ignore them as they weren't doing anything that he needed to supervise.

Nines nodded to him before he started to deal out the cards to everyone.

The Strohmeier android turned to look at Bishop as Nines handed the cards out, feeling he should provide the man with the names he didn't know. "I'm John, by the way, and that's Hugh." He motioned to the large android as he said his name.

Hugh looked at them from where he was seated on the floor with a nod, his large size meant if he was seated at a chair he'd be able to see most of the other players cards. So he had sat on the floor to correct the issue, as it made him a better height to play.

Nines motioned for them to grab their cards as he glanced at the police androids, who gave him the face card to match for the round. "We'll do kings this round." He relayed the information to the rest, knowing the human would be the only one who didn't hear the mental link they had. "The human can go first." He motioned to Bishop with his hand and smiled at him.

Strasky watched as Sixty bumped into a few shelves, nothing he would call alarming given how the android was acting. And the RK800 didn't seem at all bothered by it, so clearly he was used to accidentally bumping into things.

"I thought so, it's just interesting how androids that look the same can have wildly different personalities. Like those two PL600s, Daniel is clearly more reserved then Dan is, I noticed him panicking every time Dan said something rude to Peter. His owners must've done a number on his mental well-being, and I shudder to imagine what they did to him after that brief recounting of their behaviors." Strasky knew Daniel had been treated poorly, he just didn't want to imagine what was done to him, as he found it hard to believe a human could treat something that looked like a person so poorly.

He paused to look at the room again, taking note that it seemed Vincent recently started using fabrics to make toys as most were yarn. "I guess everything is up for grabs... Anything specific you're looking for?" He asked as he glanced at Willow.

The Prince leapt onto Dan's shoulders once it knew the PL600 was distracted, wrapping around his neck and shoulders so it could lay down without the risk of falling. Dan sighed as he allowed the creature to get comfortable on his shoulders, instead of pulling it off of him.

"He never has actually gotten on my nerves, something I can appreciate." Dan nodded, Peter even knew when to stop when he was hyper, so he was proud the human always had some level of control over himself, and the awareness to know if he was getting annoying.

"Well, I don't know someone would work on fixing that trauma, but if helping his friends is his only goal then that's good. They might be able to help each other come to terms with what they experienced." He knew it wouldn't be easy for Strasky to get over what happened to him, it would likely be a permanent thing that could only get better to a certain point.

"At least I can give some stuff that'll likely get at least a smile out of him. I know Peter just loves the word bonk, so try saying that instead of hit one time and see how he reacts." Dan felt he should at least provide some of the things that always seemed to cheer Peter up or get a laugh out of him.

Seeing Vincent more at ease convinced the android Bishop to relax, or what passed for that while he gave mean glares to all the present before shifting his attention to the tools and yarn that were being laid out for him.

He briefly glanced in Dan's direction, before picking them up and getting to work.

Bishop contemplated the rules of the game for a moment, before nodding. "Noted."

He moved to sit down, taking a moment to study the other androids. He supposed he could do this for the sake of scientific curiosity. It would be interesting to see how well machines could lie.

"I doubt that device could affect me, but I'm confident it won't be necessary." he commented dryly with a smirk.

It wouldn't be like him to join anything without talking smack first.

Meanwhile, Willow was still quietly scanning the room, taking in all the toys while studying Sixty's behavior. The lack of coordination didn't seem to hinder him, prompting her to refrain from offering her help with it.

She kept her hands folded behind her back as she listened to Strasky. "I assume they share an uncanny resemblance while the other may be more calm and collected the way Nines prefers to carry himself. He might give the impression of a well trained puppy instead of an overstimulated one."

None of that was said as a critique. She appreciated more than anyone the way the androids were allowed to thrive while embracing their personalities.

"Bulb and Prince are good enough, I guess." Rook shrugged. A Pokémon and a scrunkly looking glass creature didn't need crazy names to stand out. "Yep. That's how siblings work. At least you know he's being obnoxious because he wants your attention and not for other reasons."

It was nice to see for a change. Every time she jumped over to this dimension, it felt like dysfunctional families were the norm.

"He's not, you're right, at least in the biological sense." Rook confirmed. "His mind isn't running on his brain anymore so I guess that cuts out all the chemicals that would normally make him all bouncy. I think it's still in there somewhere, but he's also older and very traumatized. The hope is that helping out his friends will give him some peace too."

[giulliadella]

Bill Cipher's anatomy UPDATE!

Alex Hirsch is going to kill me one day.

So, for those who don't know, I'm the weirdo who did speculative biology of Bill Cipher, mostly as a fun exercise. I'm a biologist after all.

And now, on the stream, Alex Hirsch brought me the unused Bill's anatomy drawing from his book. I lost my mind:

So, now, I can tell you what my spec bio got right and what I got wrong and I can expand on the anatomy a bit!

Btw, this is going to have a NSFW part. I am VERY serious about that. Also, warning for anatomy drawings I guess.

WHAT I GOT CORRECT:

Bill Cipher is an invertebrate! He has a hydroskeleton, which he calls "arm juice", not bones. SUCK ARM JUICE YOU PERSON WHO SENT ME THAT ASK, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

And he's also segmented, although he has more segments than I saw. This isn't unusual, internal structures often keep the segmentation that external structures lost. I was very correct about his exoskeleton splitting in the middle to form a front and back plate and that his limbs protrude through the gap.

His skin is black! It's funny how many people needed to tell me that he's wearing gloves. No he's not!

I accidentally got right that he has a liver. I thought "this dumbass eats and drinks so much shit, if he didn't have a liver he'd be dead by now" and I was right. Considering the size of his liver, I was also right about him being a carnivore (or mostly carnivore). Carnivores have large livers because livers are used to process proteins and for uric acid cycle. Since carnivores consume lots of protein, they need a large liver.

His stomach is in the center! I didn't explain on my previous post why I placed it there, but it actually makes a lot of sense. The center of an equilateral triangle is its "mass center", so if an animal looks like a triangle, it would make a lot of sense that its stomach would be there, so that the extra mass from the meal wouldn't tilt its balance.

I also got right that his intestines are in his lowest segment and his brain in the topmost.

WHAT I GOT WRONG:

The entire reproductive system. It's MUCH freakier than expected!

Bill has ears! They are on the sides of his head. They aren't really ears, just tympanal membranes. They are located where Brett is trying his darndest XD

The hat is probably not a part of Bill's body. He used it as storage for extra organs during Weirdmageddon, Holy Moses on a Motorbike! However, if it IS a part of his body, then it could be used as fat storage.

He has 20 lashes. I would have never guessed. They could still be used to sample scent, a lot of animals have scent sampling tentacles.

His feet! He probably has velcro-like structure on them, like geckos. This could mean that Bill could glue himself to walls and walk on them if he wanted to. Little insect motherfucker.

He has a singular anus! And it's between his legs. Do with that information what you want.

AAAAND UPDATES!

I can finally show you Bill's entire digestive system! I couldn't do that in my original post, since I couldn't figure out what would go after the small intestine. Alex Hirsch has cleared that up for me and also, I think Bill uses some form of Malpighian tubules-like structures for urine excretion.

And, now... The reproductive system. AKA, the fun zone and creative juices.

NSFW!

Bill Cipher is a fucking freak, but maybe that isn't entirely his fault. It's in the genes of Euclydeans as species. (His love for BDSM isn't though. "He's got it all figured out", as Ford said.)

So, in case you don't know what a vagina dentata is, it was like an occult belief that women can grow teeth out of their vaginas. Bill Cipher's genitals look like a fucking vagina dentata. So that's why he thinks that teeth are hot - they grow out of his reproductive system.

Now, those aren't really teeth. They look like sharp-edged fleshy protrusions that Euclydeans probably use to tighten the grip during mating. It could probably be used for stimulation as well. That's why Bill doesn't like his sides being touched - the genitals are inside, but rubbing them feels violating.

Euclydeans are most likely one of those species who use pain to sexually stimulate their partners. It's not that uncommon on Earth either (don't look up reptile hemipenes, especially not turtles) and for creatures that are covered in smooth exoskeleton, some piercing action would be highly beneficial for transferring seminal fluid.

This also gives us the option of Bill Cipher being a biological female, who has a vagina with those weird teeth-like protrusions. However, it is entirely possible that males also have similar genitals. Bill calls his thing that's dripping "creative juice", so maybe it is seminal fluid? In either case, it's very freaky, but it fits him so well.

This also means that male Euclydeans most likely don't have a real copulatory organ, or, maybe, they do, but the female has to "bite it off" during mating to absorb the sperm. If they don't have the copulatory organ, they do it like birds, with just pumping, but unlike birds, they hold onto each other's thing with flesh teeth.

I am going to hell for making this art, but you are going with me for seeing it:

It also occurred to me that, since I believe Euclydeans use their bricks to produce sound... they would probably be loud. Fanfic authors, you know what to do.

@mitsu-the-witch you requested this, now live with it. I am going to burn my degree.

[boybandbaby]

Best of My Life (Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Non-BAU!Reader)

guess this is a 5 times hotch let’s the team see his relationship

word count: 1676

warnings: unspecified brutal case, alcohol, tattoos, established relationship, axes, sweet!hotch

note: the bar scene is from my favorite scene in one of my favorite movies check it out here (all credits to the movie) frank farmer gives me hotch vibes

tag: @bernelflo based on your request though I did go off track I’m so sorry I tried my best

1️⃣

Hotch finally got a break from the team’s badgering after they met you. Well kind of. While they finally got to see you and meet you in person, they were still curious about your relationship and dynamic.

Once Penelope asked if you had met Jack yet, Hotch wouldn’t shut up about you two.

“Oh my god, he’s worse than Spencer.” Derek shook his head, leaning against his desk as he watched Hotch tell the girls another story about you. Something about you being good with an axe.

“Hey!” Spencer yelped.

When Hotch introduced you to Jack for the first time, you’d all went axe throwing. You picked the activity not wanting Jack to think you were boring. Jack ended up loving it and loving you.

Spencer’s mouth gaped as he watched Hotch pull his phone out to show the girls a video of you and him taken by Jack during that date. While Jack’s teenager instincts told him it was gross, he thought it was nice to see his dad so sweet so he recorded it. The video showed you pressed up against Hotch’s back as you moved his arm in the correct position to throw the axe. You kissed his cheek and gave Aaron space to throw the axe and for your safety. When Aaron hit the target, you cheered and clapped your hands. “Your dad isn’t too bad, huh Jack?” You stated before the video ended.

Hotch tucked the phone away before heading back up into his office.

“I would never have thought Hotch would be sharing his private life with us.” JJ smiled into her mug.

“Isn’t it wonderful?” Penelope sighed, dreamily. “They’re so cute together. Oh shoot, he forgot his coffee.”

Penelope picked up the black travel mug adorned with “best boyfriend ever” in cursive on the side.

“Look!” JJ pointed at the words. “He’s so whipped!”

Penelope took the cup up to his office not bothering to knock. “Here Hotch, wouldn’t want you to forgot that you’re the best boyfriend ever.”

“Thanks, Garcia.” Hotch smiles, doesn’t even comment on her light teasing.

2️⃣

While away on a case, the team noticed Hotch had stepped away to answer a phone call. Assuming it was work related they didn’t say anything until 10 minutes later, he still hadn’t come back.

“You think he’s okay?” Emily asked.

“Let’s go check on him.” Derek urges.

Much to their surprise. Hotch is seated in an empty room, legs kicked up on the table, leaned back, and phone to his ear.

While he’s happy to hear from you and listen to you ramble about your day, he does know there’s a case to be solved and an unsub to be stopped. There’s a sparkle in his eye though his lips aren’t smiling. He wouldn’t want anyone to see him smiling during a case so brutal and get the wrong idea.

Derek and Emily hear snippets of his side of the conversation.

So, you took him to the zoo and aquarium? You’re spoiling him too much.

I know I wish I was there with you both

Where are you going to dinner? Use my credit car. It’s in my nightstand

When I get back, how about we go to that spa you’ve been talking about? We can get a couples massage

Why wait until Valentine’s Day when we can go now?

Okay, we’ll stop by the pie shop on our way back. I’ve got to head back the team is probably looking for me.

I love you.

Hotch looks up to see the amused faces of his two agents.

He stands from the chair and straightens his tie. “Sorry about that, y/n has been calling me to make sure I take at least 10 minutes a day for myself during cases. She says I’ve been working too hard.”

“Happiness looks nice on you, Hotch.” Derek states and it’s definitely not his normal teasing.

3️⃣

When they’re back in the office and it’s a paperwork day, the team decides to order in for lunch.

Penelope knocks on his door to get his order and sees he’s already eating. “Already got lunch, sir?”

“Yes, y/n made this incredible meal last night and packed me some for lunch. Come give it a try.” He pulls out a spoon from his lunchbox. Garcia internally squeals. Her boss, Aaron Hotchner has a lunch box. She can see that it’s a plain black lunchbox. On the right side there’s a small net holding a few napkins, a set of reusable utensils, and a folded sheet of binder paper with ‘A <3’ on it. On the right side, there’s an open Tupperware with some chicken, rice, and vegetable dish. There’s a granola bar, bottle of water and cup of yogurt.

Garcia approaches the desk as Hotch scoops a little bit of everything on the spoon and hands it to her. He continues eating as he reads a document on his desk. Garcia hands him back the spoon and agrees at how tasty it is. She leaves Hotch alone to enjoy his home cooked meal.

4️⃣

Hotch laid on his right side, propped on one elbow and feet crossed at the ankle. You sat on the same lounge chair in front of him but facing away. Hotch had his free hand rubbing at the lower half of your back while you talked to JJ and Will about the concert you and Aaron had went to last weekend.

“You should’ve seen him! I mean I didn’t know the frozen margaritas would get him so drunk!” You laughed. “Aaron danced and sang the whole time.”

“I really liked the music.” He shrugged. You had introduced him to one of your favorite bands and he had gotten you tickets.

“I had to massage his knees the next day.” You laugh. “Poor baby was so sore.”

“I was more than sore. I was in pain.” He smiles. “Not to mention we had gotten tattoos that day.”

Record scratch. The other members of the team pause their separate conversations to inquire more.

“You got a tattoo?” Garcia squealed.

“Nothing too flashy.” He smiles, “something tasteful.”

“Well let’s see it!” Emily gushes.

You show them your leg, a small ‘AH’ in something similar to Times New Roman inked onto the back of your left ankle.

Aaron sits up, rolls his sleeves up, and shows his forearms. On the right is a small ‘J’ and on the other side in the same font, your initial, etched just below his elbow crease. He wanted something he could cover during work, like he said, nothing too flashy.

“That’s insane.” Spencer mumbles. “I am actually speechless.”

“Very tasteful, Aaron.” Dave raises his drink to Aaron.

5️⃣

You’d been invited by Hotch to join an after work outing to get some drinks.

Hotch and Dave stood at the bar, discussing Rossi’s upcoming vacation plans. Hotch listens but keeps his eyes on you. Partially for safety reasons but mainly because he loves looking at you.

While you dance with the girls, twirling and smiling, a woman slowly comes up to him.

“Hi.” She says breathy and sultry.

Aaron takes a sip of his drink, his eyes barely flickering to the woman before narrowing back on you. You throw your head back and grip Emily’s bicep as you laugh at a particularly raunchy dance move from Penelope.

Aaron thinks, just ignore her and she’ll go away. She unfortunately doesn’t get the message and squeezes herself between Dave and Aaron.

“I couldn’t help but notice how handsome you are.” The woman coos as she begins to press her body into Hotch’s side. “I’ve been watching you all night from across the room.”

“Why don’t you go back there and keep watching.” Aaron roughly pulls his arm so it’s not touching the woman. She’s taken aback and rushes back to where she’d come from, clearly embarrassed and humiliated.

“Brutal, Aaron.” Rossi laughs.

“Not interested, Dave.” Hotch meets his eyes.

“Clearly.” Rossi nods his head in your direction. Aaron’s eyes turn back just as you’re approaching.

You’re not quite drunk but not quite tipsy either as you stumble towards him. “Hi handsome!”

“Hi honey.” He sets his drink on the table and his hands immediately find your hips.

“Did you see Penelope? Her moves attracted a new friend.” You laugh and turn in his arms to watch Penelope and said new friend, Willard. Aaron’s not shy in pulling your back into his chest. You willingly lean back into his chest.

Aaron follows your gaze as he watches an older man, white hair with a big cowboy hat and boots spin Penelope around. It’s all just fun, nothing serious.

“You know, I’d like to see you in a cowboy hat. Bet you’d look real good.” You state.

“Me? In a big hat like that?” He chuckles. “I don’t think so.”

“No? Maybe those dark blue jeans I like on you but no shirt.”

“You want me to be a shirtless cowboy? That’s way too out of character for me.”

“What if you wear a flannel but not an undershirt? You can keep some of your modesty while keeping me satisfied.” You pull his arms around your stomach and run your fingertips through his arm hair. Yes, he decided to wear a short sleeve shirt to the bar just for you because you told him he has “delicious arms.”

“That sounds like a reasonable compromise.” He whispers into your ear.

“If I could persuade you to wear all that, can I persuade you into a dance with me?” You turn back to him, giving him the best puppy eyes you can with the tips Jack gave you. Jack swore that if you pout your bottom lip just a smidge and force a bit of tears in your eyes, Aaron gives in immediately.

“Only if you do that move Penelope did before.”

“Aaron!” You gasp. “I didn’t know you could be so dirty!”

“You have your fantasies and I have mine.” He winks before taking the lead to pull you onto the dance floor.

[carasspice]

I'd been invited over to an old college friend's new house along with two other semi close friends if you can have such a thing. I guess I'd been there for maybe forty minutes with Jason happily chatting along about work, homes and so on when I asked where his fiancée was as I'd expected the two of them to be present along with the other two who hadn't turned up yet.

His face was almost ashen as he took a ring from his pocket, held it in the palm of his hand and dissolved into tears.

"She's gone Wendy, two days ago we had a chat followed by one hell of an argument and she said she couldn't live with me any longer. We only bought this place a few months ago, I spent a fortune decorating it as she wanted and she walked out. What do I do? I can't afford to pay for this on my own and she wants her half back as soon as it's sold."

"I knew something was wrong when you opened the door but never imagined, oh fuck it, I'm so sorry Jason, I thought you two were so happy together."

"So did I, how wrong can you be but I don't know what to do."

I had my arms around him with his head on my shoulder for a while before I noticed his hand stroking up and down my side. Maybe I was stupid or out of order but I took that hand and placed him on my breast. As soon as I'd done it I realised that I was probably as surprised as he was and even more so when he kissed me and his hand settled on my thigh.

"Suspenders Wendy?" he queried just as I wiped his tears away with my thumb.

"Always Jason, tights are functional for work or whatever, any other time I go for stockings."

"That's good, I like stockings." he replied rather nervously but his fingers appeared to like following the outline of the suspender clasps on my leg. I looked at his face and streaks of those tears and my brain jumped into one of those moments when you can't tell if you're being stupid or whatever.

"Listen Jason, why are we wasting time? Don't be angry with me but would you like to take me to bed? I suspect you might and I'd like the same, what do you think? You need a life after ... what was her name? Anyhow, I can fuck as well as she could most likely."

"Her name? I forget but we shouldn't, should we, could we?"

"Why not? She's gone and won't be back. You're single and so am I, I'm happy to share your bed and if you are then ... tell you what, give me ten minutes, take the champagne to your bedroom and I'll join you. Allow me to show you what this gal has to offer and I promise not to walk out in the next hour or two."

My dress was hanging behind the bathroom door as I gave my teeth a swift clean with my fingertip. I checked the mirror and tried to make my hair look a little more attractive or even sexy, took a little make-up from my bag and immediately put it back. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes for a moment and told myself there was no going back but maybe I wasn't looking for a way to go back. I should have checked before stepping into the bathroom but I only discovered the correct bedroom after looking into two others.

"Wow, now that is some bed. Am I okay Jason? I don't want to disappoint you and more importantly are you okay with me being here. I left my dress ... I'm talking too much, right?"

He smiled, shook his head and then nodded whatever those movements meant, pulled down the bed clothes and held out his hand.

"You look sensational Wendy, turn around and ... how many straps do you have there?"

"No idea Jason, you'll have to check them out and why are you wearing boxers? I never wear anything in bed for very long and always sleep in the buff. Did you remember her name yet?"

"The boxers can go and the name will be on the calendar somewhere."

"Hey, I'll deal with the boxers, you do whatever you like with the lingerie. I'm not a shy girl Jason. Let's look at this as your first step in your new life without whatever her name was ... was and not is as she's gone."

"You do talk too much Wendy, I need to check out those straps and you can ... mmmmmm ."

I never allowed him to say another word as I tugged those boxers away, his left hand was inside the back of my thong while his right pulled my bra up and over my boobs.

"Unfasten the thing Jason, get rid of it all, I love naked and I'm staying the night, okay?"

"I think so, yes Wendy, absolutely." he replied as my bra strap was unfastened first with the one at my waist and one just above my hips being twanged and unfastened."

"Don't forget the straps to my stockings Jason."

"I'm leaving those but this thong has to go and then I'll refasten the belt."

"Oh okay, funny how guys love stockings and suspenders, did you remember her name yet?" I teased. "So how do you plan to get the thong out of your way?"

"Bugger, I hadn't worked that bit out, I need to unfasten one stocking don't I?"

"Forget it, just get me naked and fuck me. Oh hell, you have no idea how much I wanted you to fuck me back at uni, but you were with the nameless one."

Within seconds my belt and thong were stripped down my legs taking my stockings with with them and just as all was stuck around my ankles his face plunged to my muff with his nose and mouth swiping and twisting from side to side, every which way there was. I was in hysterics by the time his rather lovely cock slid inside me while my feet tried to get free from at least one leg's encumbrances.

"Fuck me harder you college boy."

"Yes Miss Wendy."

So our friendship was well and truly cemented about seven times that evening and during the night plus another two after a breakfast break.

Jason was in the bathroom when I answered a call for him only to discover it was the ex. "Oh good morning Alice, I hear you two split up and ... What was that? Okay so yes I am in his bed and yes I stayed the night as his fiancée fucked off and left him in tears, yes I fucked him for hours and yes I will fuck him again once he's finished in the bathroom. I don't give a shit if my language offends you, I fucked him Alice and not the other way round. I've wanted to fuck with him since our second week at uni so you can blame me as much as you like but not Jason. Actually, you can blame yourself, did you want something?"

"How much, no chance you bitch?" I exclaimed as she demanded a fortune yet couldn't be bothered to speak to Jason. "You must be in fucking cloud cuckoo land, I know how much this would sell for and I can imagine how much the mortgage is, you'll get twenty quid after legal fees and not much more."

We had a few more words before I slammed the phone down.

"Hey Jason, Alice is on her way round to empty the wardrobe unless you want me to dump her things on the drive. I'm going nowhere and if the evil bitch wants a fight I'll give her one."

"No, it's not your fight Wendy."

"Oh I think it is now, I just told her she'll get twenty quid from the sale if she's lucky and that I fucked you about fifty times, shall we make it fifty-one before she gets here?"

xxxx

[chloe-spade]

Fight for What You Love: I See London

London.

London.

LONDON.

Noah should've expected so much whenever he was in a new place around the world, and London was somewhat on his to-do list, but not while they were trying to avoid Jack the Ripper while doing stupid challenges. Luckily for him, they were on the stretcher, for which Tyler happily volunteered.

"Quick tie him down before Alejandro shows up and makes me do it just because I'm shorter," groaned Noah.

"Aw, why don't you like Al?" Owen spoke up, tying Tyler down. "He's great."

"I don't trust the guy," Noah answered, hands on the wheel. "He's like an eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil."

"Hm, dirty?"

"Slippery," Noah corrected. "Think about it, Owen. He's like Heather only with social skills. And trust me, I've seen that first hand."

Tyler's anguish screams cut their conversation short, even though Noah hadn't started it yet.

"Stop," Tyler begged. "Stop! It's too much! Stop!"

"You do realize that we haven't started yet, right?"

Tyler gets up and looks around before sighing in relief. "My bad, it's cool. I'll go silent. Sweaty yoga-ish monk style."

Noah rolled his eyes and started to turn the wheel.

"Well, if we are going to talk about our friends," Owen chuckled as he looked at the side. "Like you and Cody?'

Noah blushed as he pulled on the wheel, which caused Tyler to react in surprise.

"..What about him exactly?" Noah muttered as he carefully started to turn the wheel. "Well, I guess I could say that he's simple but goofy and funny to be around…most of the time. And we had a couple of accidents during the World Tour."

"Like Al made you think of Cody when you kissed that fish-"

"NOT THAT."

"Hehe, sorry, but it seems to me that you love Cody," Owen teased. "Like a massive ton!"

"Hey, just because I kissed his stupid ear during Island does not mean I love him," Noah rolled his eyes. "It's unrealistic that I have a crush on him."

"But you have that look. I know the look," Tyler intervened. "It's the look of love."

"Says that whose girlfriend forgets he exists every 5 minutes," scoffed Noah. "Like come on. Even if I did like Cody, he likes Gwen, remember?"

"Oh…no, he doesn't," Tyler commented. "I mean, when's the last time he tried to look cool in front of her."

"Every day if he wasn't smothered from that freak." Noah chuckled. "She is so freaky that I can't believe Chris even lets her participate. Poor Cody, I know I wouldn't treat him like that."

"Oh my god, he said it," Tyler gasped, looking up at Owen. "He compared himself."

"I don't think he noticed." Owen whispered back. "But let him talk. I think this is the only time he's talking about his feelings for Cody."

"I would've liked this if I wasn't be stretched out right now," Tyler groaned. "Does that mean I own you 28.98 Candian Dollers?"

"You bet, buddy."

"Shouldn't you be quiet?" Noah asked Tyler, glaring at him.

Tyler shuts up after that, but Owen decides to ease Noah into talking again.

"Come on, little buddy, I want to hear you talk about Cody more," Owen urged. "I think it's a good way to let your frustrations out."

It made him oddly bitter, and that was new for Cody. He never felt bitter before, especially towards a girl he liked. Yep. Liked.

Noah continued to talk about it until the hatch opened, revealing a new clue for them to read.

☕

Cody groaned as he took care of his burned hand. But it wasn't surprising. What did he think would happen when he fell asleep during the day in Jamaica? He should've known better, but man, he was tired for many reasons, which made him feel bad. In the most sociable words Cody could think of, Sierra is a massive pain. He still goes by what he said when he tried to eliminate her, but the other girls had him apologize for something that wasn't his fault.

Cody didn't know how a crush could disappear so quickly, but it did. He enjoyed it while on the World Tour, but her joining Sierra in an attempt to get her back on her feet made Cody very sour. It was so sour that he backed off and hasn't tried to make any moves, which Gwen overlooked.

During that time, he felt stuck.

But all that changed when he remembered catching Noah during their Yukon Trip, causing an accidental kiss. But Cody took it in good faith and joked about it.

And now everything between them made so much sense! He didn't think much about it, but Noah seemed nicer to Cody, and unlike Owen, he barely gave him nicknames that many considered demeaning—the stares, the laugh at Cody's sucky jokes while at Economy Class. Everything started to make sense, and now he has to find a way to tell Noah.

Cody.

Cody likes…

Cody likes Noah now.

Or did he want to?

Was it because of Sierra? Mostly.

He wants to. But he was scared.

Why?

But did he care that much? No.

He's sick of trying to bend to people's expectations, and there was no more bullying.

This was Cody's choice. And he needs to do it.

"The Ripper's Most Natural Place has two levels that make up the space," Noah reads, then scoffed. "Sure…easy peasy."

Especially since Sierra was the one that got them caught by Jack The Ripper, so there's that.

☕

Things couldn't get any worse for Noah. Tyler was so silent that they forgot, which led to his capture. Owen was making a fool of himself, which isn't bad when they were on the plane, but not during the challenge.

"Double Decker Bus?" Own answered as he took a dog off his arm.

"Yeah," Noah acknowledged. "So there is a brain in there. You've been holding out on me."

"Holding Out?" Owen gasped. "I told you I smuggled some wieners off the plane!

Noah chuckled as he started to walk away, with Owen following. Going to the night with the stars out and a killer on the loose who could capture them at any moment was scary, but as they approached the Double-Decker Bus, bag in hand, they entered the Bus, hoping that the clue was right.

As they entered the Bus, they noticed how empty it was. But that wasn't unusual, but it made things extra creepy.

"Here, Ripper, Ripper, Ripper," Owen whimpered as the friends tip-toed forward. "We have a lovely bag for you."

Noah didn't have to say much as he felt the Ripper's hands around his mouth and swooped up above Owen, but Owen noticed when he heard the doors of the driver seat open and Noah's unsettling screams.

But Noah watched as Owen released the dogs, who imminently attacked Owen. But once one of the dogs found the sausage, Owen kicked it into the Ripper's hands, and all six dogs attacked him, and that's when Owen bagged him up.

"Alright Owen," Noah cheered.

"Who's the Ripper now?" Owen proudly grinned as he farted in the Ripper's face. "Oh, Noah, let me get you out."

"Sweet, everyone's ok!"

"No! Wait until the air clears!" Noah screamed.

☕

Once the teams boarded the plane, it was a relief to see that everyone was alright. Noah was concerned about why Alejandro wasn't happy that they had won and was just glaring daggers at Noah.

"Yep, everyone's fine," Heather confirmed. "You guys were so stupid to be worried."

Everyone glared, so Heather shut her mouth, which Noah was glad about.

"But it was reasssuring to see that someone was concerned," Alejandro spoke, glaring at Noah completely.

"You…You were watching everything?" Noah asked, now feeling a sense of dread. "Well, that's awkward."

"Like an eel dipped in grease," Alejandro repeated, his eyes narrowing down some more.

"Where I'm from, that's a compliment," Noah chuckled nervously, though he knew Alejandro saw right through him. "Tough Neighbourhood and all that."

Noah cleared his throat. "But hey! We caught the Ripper type guy!"

Owen unbagged the Ripper, who looked disheveled after the dogs attacked. His wrinkles curled when he frowned, looking over the teens who watched him.

"Old Man Jenkins?" Everyone gasped in unison.

Chris stoically stepped forward and grabbed the old man's head, revealing another shocking face—a face that everyone thought was eliminated in the very first episode.

"Ezekiel?" Everyone gasped again.

"Found him living in the cargo hold," Chef explained. "Found him homeschooling with the rats."

"I was gonna let him back in the game if he avioded getting captured." Chris added. "But since he could not."

He was booted off the plane. But there was still a question that lingered around.

"Who did Courtney and Gwen catch?" Heather asked, looking at their full bag.

"Well, Chris wanted a crinimal," Gwen started, looking down at the bag. "Well, ok, we didn't catch the right one. But.."

When Gwen removed the bag, Noah and the others' eyes widened at the sight of the green-haired delinquent. Everyone didn't even know his location, and he was right back on the plane once again.

"Duncan?"

"You brought me back here?" Duncan groaned, annoyed. "Ugh, where the stupid exit again?"

Duncan was ready to leave until Chris stopped.

"Uh, uh, uh, not so fast, quitter," Chris spoke, stopping Duncan. "Thought you could skip out on the game, eh? Thought we wouldn't find you, hmm?"

"Um, you didn't. We did." Gwen corrected, with Courtney nodding in agreement. "Sorry."

"And that's why Team Me is Super Hot is our winner!!" Chris announced. "That means that Team Amazon is going to the elimination room. Don't be late."

Everyone gasped in surprise.

"And Duncan, since you just came back, you join Chris is Really, Really, Really, Really hot!"

"…what kind of team name is that?" Duncan cringed. "That name is stupid."

"Blame the stalker," Noah chuckled, pointing at Sierra. "Don't worry, you'll get used to it."

Cody groaned as he entered the restroom. His hand was still burned, and he felt his heart beating so hard, considering the camera situation when they were captured. Watching Noah, who is just as stoic as a soldier, admits to having feelings for Cody made Cody feel very warm. He was so lucky that Sierra was arguing with Alejandro during that time. He had to get it out of his chest, even if it was in the confessional.

"Ugh, whatever," Duncarn rolled his eyes and walked past them.

☕

Gwen was the one who got eliminated. Heather, Sierra, and, to her shock, Cody were the main ones who voted, but she accepted and jumped.

"Uugh," Cody groaned again. "I feel all fuzzy inside, like I drank too much pop…." he paused when he realized the camera. "…Cause Gwen is gone! Obviously! Stinks we lost Gwem…and the challenge."

Cody looked down and sighed.

"…Is it wrong that I'm glad we lost?" Cody finally asked. "I-"

He jumped as he heard the door open, and Noah was there. He didn't look quite surprised, which Cody was grateful for.

"Oh crud- I didn't lock the door?!" Cody gasped, still in shock.

"The lock's broken-who's surprised." Noah replied sarcastically, looking at Cody. "How's the hand doing?"

"Not much better," Cody boasted. "Why? You have something to say bout it?"

Noah chuckles and carefully grabs his hand. "Maybe I do? Is that a bad thing?"

Cody laughed and looked down at his hand. "Ow…Hey, you know that hurts."

"What are you going to do about it?" Noah teased, a playful smirk on his face that made his eyes sparkle.

Cody felt a rush of energy coursing through him as he looked at Noah, his heart pounding wildly in his chest. This is your chance, his mind urged, the two thoughts intertwining with each other. You must kiss him, or you'll regret it for the rest of your life!

The moment's warmth enveloped them, and the tension hung thick in the air as Cody's gaze lingered on Noah's lips, making it harder to suppress the instinct pushing him closer.

Cody gulped, put his free hand on Noah's cheek, and pulled him forward for a kiss. Noah didn't even object as he lingered closer, hands carefully intertwined. Nothing could stop this moment, and they were so in the moment that they didn't know that Tyler watched with bated breath, now witnessing the moment of love.

Cody was with the one he truly loved.

What's the worst that can happen?

(au belongs to @fight-for-what-you-love who gave me permission to write this)

[redbo-and-simbo]

(So..he probably would've left her around the workshop, right?)

(Probably.)

(I haven't been by there in a while. I've mostly been with Seawatt or following the android. Maybe he's got some new gadget I could mess around with.)

(Or steal.)

. . .

(sculk sensor goes off)

(machinery starts whirring)

Wait- What?

ACK-!

(A wind charge?? From where??)

(vent grate is opened with a triggered lever)

WOOAH-!

(weight falls onto a pair of arms)

Got you.

(sounds of struggle)

Let go of me!

Would you quit squirming? I'm getting so sick of you running away.

(weight slams against a tabletop)

(pained hiss)

(a metal clasp clicks)

Wh- Hey! What are you doing? Get away!

(a sneaker slams into a visor and it clatters to the floor)

Shit-! Ow- I knew I should've done the legs first.

(another clasp clicks)

Whatever. Would you stop struggling? It's only going to make things harder for both of us.

Hey, don't you-

Stay still. Please.

(another)

I'm not going to hurt you.

You're literally strapping me to some weird table!

Touché.

(the final click of metal)

You just have to believe me. I don't want any harm to come to you.

(sounds of struggle continue)

..But you're only going to hurt yourself if you keep trying to escape again. You're dumber than you're supposed to be if you think you can break those clasps.

And stop looking at me like that. You're not in danger. I just know that you're stubborn, and you know how to worm your way out of problems. I knew I wouldn't be able to speak to you without you running off.

It's not favorable, but I'd advise you calm down, or else I'll just have to administer a drug to make you.

How can I be calm right now, man? I don't trust you.

Just take it easy..

(head suddenly slams into the table)

Get your hands away from me.

You're not in any danger, it's alright.

(breathing picks up)

(Does he really have to put his hands in my hair? Seriously?)

(Crap, right. He's an Evbo, too. He knows all my weaknesses.)

(I hate all this, but..)

(breathing slows and becomes more steady)

(His nails feel so nice..)

Theeere we go. Good.

Let's get that mask off of you.

(click)

(click)

(deep breath)

(gas mask is set aside)

Feels better?

...

Right. I should've guessed you wouldn't be so eager to speak.

Well, I still have questions. So as I observe you, I'd like for you to answer them. Sound good?

..I don't really have a choice, do I?

No, I assure you you do. There's no consequence to not answering.

(Get your hands of my face, dude. Ugh- My eyes are closed but I can still feel him staring at me.)

I suppose my first question is simple: you were sent to me by the Creator, yes?

(He'd kill me if I was just some rogue Evbo..)

Y..Yeah. I was.

What are you? Are you him? Or are you another one of his creations?

(I've gotta play into his insane ideas.)

No. I'm just- Something of a prophet. Is the um..best way I can put it.

So I was right..

What does he want from me? What do I need to do for him to accept me as his only marionette?

I can't say.

You can't say?

I'm..just supposed to tell him when the time is right.

(sigh)

I suppose it's beyond my understanding. I'm not sure why he picked you of all Evbos. You're no different than the rest.

(rustle of cloth being pushed up)

(sharp breath)

As far as visible physical differences—chapped lips, longer hair, decreased muscle mass—they're all just results of external factors. Wearing that mask, time, and, I'd assume, hiding in the vents so often you don't eat properly, respectively.

That hand feels so weird.

Hm?

(I didn't mean to say that out loud..)

The textureless one.

I figured.

..This undershirt's not yours. I suppose my theory about you finding Seawatt is correct?

...

Right. Then I suppose my project was worth pursuing after all.

Do me a favor and stay still and calm for me. I need to run some diagnostic tests.

What kind of tests?

I need to examine your physiology, and your brainwaves.

(two latches click open)

You're not even going to put up a fight?

My legs are still trapped. I can't really do much.

But you could still struggle, attack me, make a commotion until someone stops by to help you out. Yet you're doing none of that.

I'd almost say you enjoy having my hands on you.

...

(chuckle)

Your silence is telling, "Simbo."

(Ugh. Hate this guy.)

(rustling of cloth)

(a hoodie and shirt are dropped on the floor)

(clasps click again)

(visor is picked up from the floor)

I just have to hook up some stuff, alright? And don't worry, I wouldn't hurt someone sent by the Creator. That's too precious a resource to lose.

(..I know this is just a facade, but..I kind of like feeling important..)

. . .

. . .

(machine whirring)

(incoherent, analytical mumbling)

(writing)

...How's Widget, by the way?

Oh. That's right. You named her, didn't you?

The Viewers were saying you wanted to see her?

Yeah. And then I got stuck here.

(chuckle)

Right. I apologize for all this. It won't have to be like this next time. If you don't run off, anyway.

..I'll take your word for it.

Still skeptical, I see. I can't blame you. Regardless, I suppose you could pay her a visit before you head back to the vents.

She's in my room. Feel free to rest there, if you'd like.

Wh- Oh- Really?

Of course. You're welcome to at any time.

Right. Gotcha.

. . .

. . .

Alright, that's all the data I need to collect.

(clasps click one by one)

(shifting)

(clothes are grabbed off the floor)

..Thanks.

(clothes rustling as they're pulled back on)

No problem.

I'm gonna dismantle the machine I set up in the vents to get you down here. My room's the door over there.

Right. Uh.. Cool.

. . .

(door creaks open)

(sneakers step across a wooden floor)

(bed creaks as weight sinks onto the edge)

Hey there, kitty.

Mrrp!

[andie-chr]

“Good for you.” (EDITED!)

A short little excerpt I wrote for The Winter Soldier, or a moment I think could’ve happened in the movie he was first introduced.

— warnings: manipulation, brainwashing, panic attacks. if any of this makes you uncomfortable, please don’t click on this!

The chair was cold. It always was. It bit into his back like steel fangs, locking him into place as the harsh, sterile light illuminated his face. His breaths were shallow, uneven. The edges of his vision blurred with pain, but the memory was there—faint, fleeting, like smoke slipping through his fingers.

A face. Blonde hair. A shield. Steve.

Bucky—no, The Winter Soldier, he corrected himself—stared at the floor as Dreykov’s polished shoes clicked against the concrete. The sound was sharp, purposeful. It filled the suffocating silence between his labored breaths. His hands were right behind his back, face devoid of warmth completely.

“Good. You’re awake,” Dreykov said, his tone crisp and clinical. “Do you remember you place?” Not even a moment after, he’s already telling the scientists to prep him. Wipe. To get him ready for the pain, the electricity, the loss of a conscious.

That was the cruelty of those above you. Do you remember your place? For a second, the soldier didn’t respond. He knew the answer they wanted: I am the Winter Soldier. I am also called The Asset. I have no place outside of a mission.

He blinked against the haze in his mind, searching for something, anything, to anchor himself. That name, it sounded like nickname. The tone. But, it could be an actual name. The Winter Soldier would take it gladly, opposed to the title he has been given. But, he hasn’t known anything else. Taking that name, not knowing what it’s associated with — it’s scary. And it had to show on his face because the soldier felt the atmosphere shift and saw the cruel eyes of everyone around him sharpen like hawks.

“Did you hear me?” Dreykov asks again, taking a step closer. His voice harsher. “You are The Winter Soldier. Your place is nothing else but that. Do you understand?”

The Asset lifted his head, his jaw tight. His voice was hoarse from misuse, but that was the least of his problems and it came out low and raspy. “What if I don’t want that place?” He asked, genuinely. Like a kid asking a parent why they have to clean. “What if…I’m just me?”

Dreykov’s eyes glinted with amusement but his expression remained stern and cold as ice. He tilted his head slightly. “Just you? A man doesn’t have more than 50 kills on his head. But,” The Russian general began, “A soldier knows their mission, and they complete it. A soldier can kill in a war. If someone’s in your way, you crush them. Leave them to die. That is your place, your duty.”

The Winter Soldier’s eyes darkened. His voice dropped, laced with a bitter edge. “Well, I guess if I hesitate more, I won’t be of use. What’s stopping you from crushing me too? Go ahead.” He leaned forward as much as the restraints would allow, his gaze piercing through Dreykov like a blade. “I really wouldn’t mind.”

For a moment, there was complete silence and The Asset registered what he just did. The expression on Dreykov’s face didn’t falter, but the hands behind his back tightened ever so slightly. His gaze turned to steel, and for a moment, a small part of The Winter’s Soldier was worried Dreykov might hit him. He could take it. It probably wouldn’t hurt that much. He’s been shocked, stabbed, shot, waterboarded, and learned quickly people can do far worst things than hurt you physically. It didn’t stop that irrational fear though.

But then he let out a long, exaggerated sigh. “Fine.” Dreykov said, signaling to scientists to with a wave of his hand. “Release him.”

The Asset blinked, caught off guard by the sudden shift. The scientist hesitated but obeyed nonetheless. The restraints hissed as they unlocked, the weight lifting from The Winter Soldier’s wrists and arms. He didn’t move immediately, warily looking at the restraints come unloose like a caveman who discovered fire. With equal fascination and fear.

“I’ll shut my mouth. I’ll stop protecting you and I’ll let you go,” Dreykov continued, his voice filled with mock benevolence. “Is that good enough for you? Would that be good for you?”

Before the soldier could respond, Dreykov’s hand shot out, gripping The Asset’s chin with cruel precision, forcing him to meet his gaze. The Winter Soldier’s fists clenched, the knuckles of his human arm whitening, but he didn’t move. Couldn’t move.

"I’ll personally deliver you to your precious Captain America." Dreykov glare was dark and cutting as he sneered. "Do you honestly believe he cares for you? The courts, the government—they would tear you to shreds.“

The Asset barely flinched, but the Russian general could see that flicker of fear in his eyes at that possibility. His jaw clenching, and both firsts that trembled so subtly.

He released The Winter Soldier’s chin with a shove, his movements growing more aggressive as he took a step back and spread his arms in mock generosity. "Would that please you, soldier? Because anything The Winter Soldier wants." He offered a mock bow, his tone dripping with disdain and sarcasm.

The soldier’s head began to spin, each word sinking deeper and deeper. They were letting him leave. Dreykov was nowhere near the door, he could just walk out. Without his restraints, he could tear this entire building apart if he wanted. Burn it all to hell, never look back.

But what if — what if they were right? If he left, what then? Who does he have to turn to? Was he just a weapon — an extension of Hydra, incapable of surviving without them? It wasn’t an order he was given, it was a choice. An open door, unarmed guards and a promise of freedom. And that scared The Asset more than anything.

The scientists and the guards voices joined, adding their own comments, agreeing with each other.

“He wouldn’t last a day out there. Does he even know how to function without orders?”

“Who would take you in? The Avengers? They’d see you as a monster, nothing more.”

“No one will love you like we have. No one will put up with your mistakes like we have. You’re a lot of work, you know.”

“You’re clumsy and impulsive. You can’t even get through a mission without guidance. Out there, on your own? You’d never survive.”

“We gave you purposely and stability? Who else would do that? Who else even wants to?”

They’re right. As much as he hated to say, they were right. Who else could care about him? Who else would? He was too much work, he couldn’t even do the simplest task of killing two Avengers. What was he, if not The Winter Soldier? The Asset? At least his work is appreciated here, at least he gets a “well done, soldier.” when someone’s blood is on his hands? Shouldn’t that be enough? Everything grew louder, like an unrelenting storm.

“You’re nothing without us.”

“He’s weak and dependent.”

“You’ll never be anything more than a soldier.”

“All you know is how to destroy.”

“I give him three days. Tops.”

Dreykov leaned over into his space, hands resting on the armrests of the chair. His eyes bore into him behind those glasses, as he said “You don’t have a place in the world. Even if you ever did, you’d never be able to go back.”

The weight of their voices pressed down on him, each word cutting deeper, each accusation twisting like a knife. The Asset’s breaths quickened, his chest heaving as the walls seemed to close in around him. Tears brimmed in his eyes, his throat seemed to close up as everything seemed louder and louder.

No one could care. No one would care.

The faces of his targets flashed before his eyes—so many lives, so much blood on his hands. And then, one face. Blue eyes, soft and full of something he couldn’t name. Bucky. That’s what the man had called him. Was that who he used to be? Was that even real? What if there was nothing for him out there? What if this was all he was?

He shook his head violently, trying to drown out the noise, the memories, the doubts. “STOP!” he screamed, his voice raw, breaking. His head dropped, his shoulders shaking. "Just — just wipe me already.”

The room fell silent for a moment, the echo of his plea hanging in the air. Dreykov’s smile returned, faint and triumphant. He signaled to the scientists, who hurried to restrain Bucky again.

As the chair’s restraints locked into place once more — two on his human arm, one of the bionic one, the familiar hiss of machinery filled the room. The Winter Soldier slumped, his energy drained, his spirit crushed. He opened his mouth to receive the mouth guard, the familiar taste of rubber and plastic sickeningly seemed comforting.

Maybe this time, he thought, they’d erase everything. Maybe this time, he wouldn’t remember. Maybe this time, he’d finally be the Winter Soldier they wanted.

“You’ll understand this very soon.” Dreykov said, and the pain started, the screams were ripped out of his throat before he could stop them but it felt familiar. It had to be better, compared to whatever could happen out there. It’s too late to go back, he knows that. So why even bother?

And mercifully, when it felt like he wasn’t being eaten by electricity anymore — it all went to black.

—

I was listening to “Good For You” in the Dear Evan Hansan musical while I wrote this. I may be too sad, but hey, I love any opportunity to write manipulation and project on a character. Anyways, if you want more of this content, just lemme know!

— andy.

[the-way-astray]

lyrical breakdown . . .

(Verse 1)

There once was a boy from a series for kids

Fan favorite, created as comic relief

exactly!!!! he was created as comic relief!!!! actually he wasn’t even supposed to exist, but. anyway why did shannon give him the legacy plotline . . . please . . . go back to when he was just a side character . . .

But there was a girl who didn’t find him comedic

Her name was Stria, his name was Keefe

accurate.

(Verse 2)

So let’s just say for this song they’re the same age

And either she’s fictional too or he’s real

he should be real so i can put him in the very real dirt

And Stria for some reason is her given name

lmfaoooo i have definitely explained this one. it comes from astray, like my username. astray -> astrya -> strya -> stria . . . we ignore that it means stretch marks. i did not know that

Just wait for what their story will make you feel

hopefully unadulterated rage. that's what it's making me feel

(Chorus)

An unlikely couple

Hatred to love

LOVE IS CRAZY . . . and yes we are unlikely. in fact we are extinct

She was nothing to him

Now she’s more than enough

keefe would not give two shits about me . . . i would be nothing to him. actually

She thought he was toxic

i still think that. actually

Now she understands

One must always follow

What their heart commands

MY HEART IS COMMANDING ME TO HATE KEEFE IRWIN SENCEN

(Verse 3)

She wrote a whole rant about everything wrong

With how he would talk and the way that he’d act

this is correct. almost the only part of this song that isn't slanderous lies

The day they met she said she was right all along

Told him off and rolled her eyes when he said he felt “attacked”

how did we meet in the song's lore . . . and okay keefe. feel attacked. see if i care. in fact this should encourage you to consider staying away . . .

(Verse 4)

But Keefe had this thing where he hated himself

He was going through it, that much was for sure

pro keefe propaganda in a strieefe song? fork found in kitchen . . . *stops myself from ranting about how i don't care if keefe is going through it, he still faces no consequ-*

He thought long and hard about Stria’s words well

Decided she was right and he should thank her

are we talking about the same keefe. i think you may be singing about a different keefe than i am

(Chorus)

An unlikely couple

Hatred to friends

i love how the first chorus goes "hatred to love" and then decides to dial it down a notch with "hatred to friends" in the second one

He was nothing to her

CORRECT!!!! RAHHHH!!!!

We’ll see how it ends

this song's ending is slander and lies. don't listen to it

She thought he was toxic

But she’s soon to understand

One must always follow

What their heart commands

KILLING KEEFE MAIMING KEEFE BITING KEEFE EXPLODING KEEFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Verse 5)

Stria couldn’t believe he would own his mistakes

yeah there's no way i'm believing that because it didn't happen

But he swore he got it and promised to change

. . . did he though. did he really . . .

She didn’t believe it and thought it was fake

it probably is. waiting for the other shoe to drop (it will, trust) (don't listen to katie's propaganda, this song is leaving some stuff out)

He took in stride, which Stria thought was strange

he would never . . .

(Verse 6)

Alayda watched from the sidelines and was grinning

yeah, sounds like her

And Katie (that’s me, I’m Katie) took notes furiously

and then warped and skewed the notes beyond repair and put them into rhyming verses and sang it in a song. but i guess that's too long of a line to include

Alayda said, “Katie it looks like we’re winning”

alayda is also a traitor to the sokeefe nation. in case anyone cares

But I ship him with Sophie, so I said “who’s we??”

YOU LITERALLY ADMITTED TO WRITING A STRIEEFE FIC AND YOU WROTE THIS STRIEEFE SONG DON'T PRETEND YOU AREN'T A TRAITOR TO THE SOKEEFE NATION

(Chorus)

An unlikely couple

Hatred to something

"something" is still hatred. hope this helps

He was nothing to her

Now he’s surely more than nothing

actually, he's less than nothing

She thought he was toxic

But soon she’ll understand

One must always follow

What their heart commands

my heart is commanding me to beat katie up with a shoe. and i still think he's toxic

(Verse 7)

Keefe day by day proved he meant what he said

. . . what version of keefe is this song about????

And Stria rethought the whole rant that she’d made

rethinking some parts, but definitely not the entire thing

She said “fine okay, I guess we can be friends”

i hate his sense of humor i would never be able to get along with him

He wanted more than that and asked for a date

can i please leave now

(Verse 8)

She said before they could be something more

She had a condition, he must be okay

i would never consider this. this is stria slander

With sharing her eternally with four times four

Just like the amount of letters in his name

THIS SEEMS LIKE A WELL-INTENTIONED SIXTEEN MENTION BUT IT'S JUST AN EXCUSE TO BRING UP THE FACT THAT SHANNON HATES ME AND WANTS ME DEAD AND MADE KEEFE'S MIDDLE NAME HAVE FIVE LETTERS SO THAT HIS FULL NAME HAS SIXTEEN LETTERS THIS IS KATIE MANIPULATION I'M NOT CRAZY

(Chorus)

And he said yes!

he could never live up the the very high bar that my true love, the number sixteen, has set

An unlikely couple

Hatred to love

THIS VERSION IS BACK

Just him and sixteen

Now that’s more than enough

just sixteen is more than enough. sixteen and keefe is less than enough

She thought he was toxic

Now she understands

One must always follow

What their heart commands

my heart is commanding me to elope with sixteen and leave keefe in the dirt

*ridiculous electric guitar solo by Katie’s brother*

the best part of the song. also you forgot some key lyrics. here, i'll fix it for you

*katie laughing*

okay, that's enough of that

i agree. that's enough of strieefe for a lifetime

As promised, 8-verse song about strieefe!

featuring my brother at the end 😭😭

For those who don’t know the joke, Stria @the-way-astray HAAAATES Keefe Sencen. So naturally it’s a ship! And after this memories post happened, well, I had no choice!

LYRICS UNDER THE CUT

(Verse 1)

There once was a boy from a series for kids

Fan favorite, created as comic relief

But there was a girl who didn’t find him comedic

Her name was Stria, his name was Keefe

(Verse 2)

So let’s just say for this song they’re the same age

And either she’s fictional too or he’s real

And Stria for some reason is her given name

Just wait for what their story will make you feel

(Chorus)

An unlikely couple

Hatred to love

She was nothing to him

Now she’s more than enough

She thought he was toxic

Now she understands

One must always follow

What their heart commands

(Verse 3)

She wrote a whole rant about everything wrong

With how he would talk and the way that he’d act

The day they met she said she was right all along

Told him off and rolled her eyes when he said he felt “attacked”

(Verse 4)

But Keefe had this thing where he hated himself

He was going through it, that much was for sure

He thought long and hard about Stria’s words well

Decided she was right and he should thank her

(Chorus)

An unlikely couple

Hatred to friends

He was nothing to her

We’ll see how it ends

She thought he was toxic

But she’s soon to understand

One must always follow

What their heart commands

(Verse 5)

Stria couldn’t believe he would own his mistakes

But he swore he got it and promised to change

She didn’t believe it and thought it was fake

He took in stride, which Stria thought was strange

(Verse 6)

Alayda watched from the sidelines and was grinning

And Katie (that’s me, I’m Katie) took notes furiously

Alayda said, “Katie it looks like we’re winning”

But I ship him with Sophie, so I said “who’s we??”

(Chorus)

An unlikely couple

Hatred to something

He was nothing to her

Now he’s surely more than nothing

She thought he was toxic

But soon she’ll understand

One must always follow

What their heart commands

(Verse 7)

Keefe day by day proved he meant what he said

And Stria rethought the whole rant that she’d made

She said “fine okay, I guess we can be friends”

He wanted more than that and asked for a date

(Verse 8)

She said before they could be something more

She had a condition, he must be okay

With sharing her eternally with four times four

Just like the amount of letters in his name

(Chorus)

And he said yes!

An unlikely couple

Hatred to love

Just him and sixteen

Now that’s more than enough

She thought he was toxic

Now she understands

One must always follow

What their heart commands

An unlikely couple

Hatred to love

She was nothing to him

Now she’s more than enough

She thought he was toxic

Now she understands

One must always follow

What their heart commands

One must always follow

What their heart commands

*ridiculous electric guitar solo by Katie’s brother*

If you made it this far, congrats! Check out my serious kotlc songs by looking up #kotlc songs or #original music on my blog!! Or not. You could always just judge my musical abilities forever and ever by this recording of me making Stria angry, which, okay, valid.

@the-way-astray @alaydabug2 @thishumanformislimiting @worldsunlikemyown @permanently-stressed @lisalovesapplesauce @jeannefostergoriot

[bookwyrminspiration]

I can behave normally around books

[mourn-and-watch]

one thing that is fascinating to me about merrill's arc is the way narrative manages to convince a big part of the fandom that she's immature and irresponsible and overall stupid. what we know about merrill and what we actually see on screen is that she successfully avoids possession for 6 years while working closely with a demon, almost every time she participates in some magic/spirit-related discourse she acts calm and confident and has some interesting input, she actively uses her knowledge of dalish lore and tradition to reason with her keeper, and that she actually did make progress with fixing and studying an ancient long forgotten artifact no one knows particularly anything about. but then an old woman who's never been shown to be an undeniably wise and reasonable figure, a guy who got willingly possessed with no awareness of possible consequences and whose whole mindset is still deeply andrastian and a bunch of people who know nothing about magic start judging and doubting her and everyone's like. yeah. she's so fucking dumb.

[lunarin64art]

That feeling when he can't stand to see you that way, no matter what you do, no matter what you say😩😭💔

[royalcommunistthor]

OK the capitalist clutches finally released me for the next 24hrs so

first of all. again. idk what fem coded means. every time i've had someone try to explain to me it made me want to die.

however, i think i might have an idea of why anyone would ever refer to thor as femcoded.

again, really wish we could outgrow 'feminine traits' & 'masculine traits' but sadly, it's always one step forward two steps back in this world.

pls take this with a massive dollop of salt, this is incredibly tongue-in-cheek and isn't meant to be seen as 'meta' or a correct interpretation or any such nonsense. i simply got nothing better to do with my weekend. it's fucking january innit.

thor, gender roles & subversion of gender expectations

thor is a difficult character in that way where he's expected to be hypermasculine but there's something in him that's a little off. certainly, he seems to embrace the part - he's built like brick shithouse, in a proud warrior culture he is THE WARRIOR, even among other god-like beings he's elevated as exceptionally powerful and proficient at killing. thor's arc, broadly speaking since all these characters have been done and re-done a million times over, is about learning the inherent value of life. thor will always enjoy a good fight but as he grows he no longer kills for killing's sake/vengeance/because he feels he's been slighted.

however, we also constantly get glimses that had another path ever been available to him perhaps he wouldn't have been a warrior at all. he is given the choice so rarely but when he DOES have a choice, his interests do seem to lie elsewhere.

when he thinks his banishment is permanent, he is for the first time in his life free to do what he likes and the first thing he does is prepare a meal for his friends.

(gif by @asgardodinsons)

i would go as far as to say that time and time again food/food preparation is indeed a symbol of thor's freedom. we have this character, that's so often read as the very definition of machismo, choosing to nourish those around him whenever he indeed can make choices of his own.

(gif by @sersi)

the first thing we see him do with an orphaned child is to feed her

(gif by @ sersi)

mjolnir & masculinity

now mjolnir being a symbol of manhood is hardly a new concept, it's been here from the very beginning starting with 'the hammer is my penis' jokes. but since it's 'external' it can also be revoked. and with it gone thor is...well, thor is free. in more ways than one.

as a footnote that's somewhat vaguely aligned with gender expectations i also wanted to mention that thor wears his heart on his sleeve - all his emotions always on the surface- which openly clashes with victorian & post-victorian anglo sensibilities* but i'll go into it later on.

thor and sexual violence

actually this point has already been elaborated on by @kimmsauce : link some years ago and honestly i don't have much to add.

the frequency with which thor is either exclicitly assaulted by female characters(usually through the use of magic) or threatened with sexual violence by men is STAGGERING.

and that's even without getting into the disparaging comments from friends and foes alike:

thor the pin up

comes in two flavours: sexy distress

and sexy non distress:

(eh i guess all bar one are like sexy semi distress whatever)

what i find interesting is that male characters appearing in various states of undress or having ridiculous unachievable bodies isn't exactly hard to come by, but in the vast majority of cases it's very clearly a power fantasy or wish fullfilment for the readers to insert themselves into bit like men's health but for nerds i guess.

with thor, however, it seems a little different, the gaze a little more objectifying, there's always something distinctly 'page 3 girl' about it.

conception and reception

you see, for all the trademark superhero machismo talk that thor is often dismissed into there's always been this elephant in the room. which room? the writing room, the fandom room, probably many other rooms.

the elephant being that thor is simply 'too girly' 'too pretty' not masculine enough in a way that the male reader can relate to/identify with or could use as wish fulfillment in some way.

(the above is a very fun article btw)

norse mythology scholars aside, this isn't the only instance of thor's ever fluctuating reception. and again, it's not always just the dudebros complaining. i do think it's funny that for all the talk about toxic masculinity and how it permeates 'normie fan spaces', how the endless tirades on how feminists are destroying everything make fan spaces deeply hostile to anyone who is not a cishet man, the same fans tend to have a better reception of him when he's unironically more masculine. 'soft masculinity' is welcome; thor is allowed to cook for his friends and learn from his mistakes but the second it verges into campness or *gasp* makes fun of/criticises fantasy principles of white masculinity 'mcu is ruining thor' and the pitchforks are at the ready.

there has been a lot of demand for thor to finally be given space to grieve and deal with the emotional consequences of events past. but he's allowed to do it as long as it's dignified heroic martyrdom. as long as it's pretty. whenever he's given the space to be ugly with it, for it to be messy and inconvenient, all of a sudden it's too icky.

you can absolutely tell that 'emasculation' is on the tip of everyone's tongue while reading through the discourse. diversity loss; fandom retvrnists can come in any form.

loki stans - lol where do i even begin with that one. i remember bitching to a friend (who was in fandom but not in this fandom at the time) years ago and we both pretty much went OMG THOR IS THE FEMALE CHARACTER in unison. it's so funny; the double standards- any of thor's misgivings are blown out of proportion to overshadow or erase loki's own, the skewing of the narrative and rampant misinterpreting of canon events to put loki in a better light or straight up stripping off key elements of thor's character journey and giving them to loki. if he doesn't grovel he's an abuser, if he approaches the world with an open-heart that's just genuine idiocy. he really can't win. where have i seen this before? oh yes every time i've stanned a woman and had to deal with the fanbases of a male character that happened to be the fandom darling.

(i think that trans readings of thor are very interesting too but i feel like that digresses somewhat from the 'femcoding' so maybe another day)

*) footnote for a footnote i guess. what i mean is, patriarchy and gender roles have of course existed for millenia. but the 'gender roles on steroids' we have very much inherited from the height of imperialism/industrial revolution and its direct influence on gender politics.

i wanted to thank @the-mjolnir-owner because raiding Nat's archive was ESSENTIAL and @shinysoroka because re-watching infinity war and talking shite with her last night really helped me formulate some of the talking points i've had brewing.

Sorry. I didn't mean anything bad with fem coded Thor ask.

No no don't worry, I know what you were trying to say because I think thor (and thor reception as a character) is very different to how male characters are usually portrayed in superhero type stuff but the way fandoms use fem coded really has me climbing the walls.

I'll answer your ask properly because I absolutely DO wanna talk about but I gotta go get ready for work!

[recurring-polynya]

I'm getting ratio'd by my family for my opinions, so let's see what Tumblr thinks about this:

He has to do it from standing, flat-footed. He cannot do it off of a high object or from standing in mid-air or into a Valley of Screams. He has to stick the landing. He is not allowed time to train or otherwise prepare. He's standing in the dojo and someone comes in and yells "DO A BACKFLIP!!": can he? Assume he is on-board with doing the backflip, i.e., don't pick 'no' on the assumption that he would refuse to do it.

[reksink]

Strangely Cladded Wizards

[skunkes]

[tejvirani]

"No, doesn't have to be only those two things, two options." The first explanations that came to mind, but certainly there could be more. "Alien abduction, hm. May explain the warehouse mimicking food." The food was bland and at this point he'd kill for an actual vegetable, however it wasn't the worst. Complaining to complain. Until the warehouse ceased to be stocked.

"And the small bungalows." His chin lifted as he looked out at the water. "Set us up in an environment that is very Earth-like. You like the afterlife theory too, why?"

When Crystal put it like that, the arrivals disconnected from the first big group... "Should I give you the side-eye then?" Or. Replacements for those who kicked it? He had to admit, she was an improvement over Qwan. But Tej kept it all to himself.

A good time. "Yeah, I remember what those are like." A nod, a quick smile. "Know what I miss? A bon fire. So, maybe we can search out a spot for that, together." Sure, why not.

The smile returned, but softer. Longer lasted. "Big on paint. Yeah. You can say that. I'm an artist. Mixed media. Got my start with graffiti." Tej never had an issue bragging. "My work has been exhibited at the Met. And the Saatchi in London." A few other smaller galleries, not near as impressive as the ones he mentioned.

"Yours though. Reminds me of pool water. Since you were in a pool when it happened, yeah? I do wonder if these have a connection to us, to the powers. All that."

Crystal kept the conversation flowing. Nothing earth-shattering, however he'd take it over the recent fuckery. Tej paused, unnecessarily so. "No, I guess I'm not so homesick." Couldn't help but see Inika flash before his eyes. Zaid. "I do miss my grandfather. That's about it."

A simple girl, easy to please. Dark brows rose, a smile unavoidable. "Ah, are you? I'll keep it in mind." Crystal noted the list of phone numbers. Right, from the meeting. Tej avoided adding his, or any information about himself. While the concept was understood, he didn't personally care to add himself to the list. "Texting randos? You're very friendly, aren't you?" Not the worst idea. Crystal definitely was not shy.

He was going to ask if any messages received weird responses, but Crystal had one ready. The name attached caught him off guard, like he'd stepped barefoot on a wasp.

Zaid. Flirting, inviting someone to dinner. Fucker certainly did not waste any time. (Tej chose not to think about how long they'd been broken up, and Zaid had every right to do as he pleased.)

"Ego's right, yeah," he remarked as his gaze drifted along with the words, almost right off the horizon. The temptation to lie so great. Trash him. Yeah, Zaid WAS a fucking weirdo, she got that correct. But he tried to reel in the pettiness. (That Zaid had the nerve to cook for everyone but him??)

"He's not a weirdo. Well, he is. A harmless one." Tej scoffed and suddenly sat up straighter, an arm crossed over his chest to scratch at a shoulder. "Talk about jealous." A throwaway comment Crystal made earlier. "He is easy to set off." A different pause, a debate, yet at this point Crystal would probably ask. "I used to date him." Date, more than that but whatever. A huff of amusement. "Used to love to wind him up too, he'd get so fucking jealous over the dumbest shit."

Crystal listened intently as he gave his thoughts on the situation, nodding along to look as though she was taking it all in. "Death or mass abduction is our only options here? The only way I see mass kidnapping making sense is…aliens. Though, I don't know if I'd give up on the afterlife theory just yet." She had been out in the lake in the middle of the night after all, either death or alien abduction made sense to her as an outcome for arriving here.

"That is kind of weird huh? You get this big group of people and then randomly one offs come around to join the party? You'd think would whoever brought us here just have us all show up all at once and then nobody else, otherwise what's the point of bringing the whole group if you've got a few stragglers every few weeks that you forgot about."

But what did she know, right? That seemed like something that would take way too much time and energy to figure out. Especially when she would much rather focus on Tej than some mystery. At least she might get actually somewhere with Tej, at least she hoped so based off the way he looked at her and licked his lips. "I'm glad you agree. You do strike me as a guy who likes to have a good time though so it looks like I waved down the right person. Maybe you can give me a tour and show me all the best spots on this beach."

Crystal did love the paint splatter effect that his gem seemed to have, from the parasocial knowledge she had of him, it seemed like it suited him. But she wasn't going to say it out loud so instead she posed it as a question. "You into art? Big on paint? Or do these little accents have a deeper meaning than that?" Her own gem, she wasn't entirely sure of. The only blue gems she knew about were sapphires, and it didn't have any special touches like his did. "I don't know. I think it's lovely though. And I do like the idea that I could make someone jealous. Not like I have any control over what I got."

She hummed softly, shrugging at his remark about sneaking into pools. "Maybe. It's also very good when you want some alone time." which in a way was true. Wanting that time to be alone and self reflect, until she ended up here. Then a question meant to be more heart wrenching. Did she really miss anyone? Maybe her parents, despite everything they always did their best to be there for her. But…it was incredibly difficult for her to think about anyone truly special enough to miss. Crystal looked down at her feet dangling in the water, clasping her hands together in her lap and letting out an almost wistful sigh. "I don't really have anyone back home to miss. People in my life are either already gone or don't deserve to be missed. What about you? Feeling homesick?"

Any other concerns? In this moment Crystal didn't think she had any right to have any concerns. Even if her dramatic lore drop caused a shift in the mood, she was still on a beautiful beach with perfect weather, chatting up a hot guy. She was having a great time. "That's about it for now. I don't see this getting dull for me any time soon, I'm a simple girl, easy to please." she answered, giving him a coy smile. "I've met a few other people but not too many yet. Though, you know what I did see that there's that list of everyone's phone numbers hung up. I thought that was so cute and thought it would be fun to text a few numbers to say hi. So there's some I've met just not in person."

"There's actually one," she started, chuckling in amusement to herself as her brain already started to twist the events that took place. "It was kind of funny, kind of weird, I think his name is Zaid? That's what the name was on the sheet next to the number. I think he really misunderstood me and thought I was hitting on him over text. Like, ok, ego much? I was just being nice and all of a sudden he invited me over for 'dinner'." she put emphasis and air quotes around the word, as if he hadn't offered up the information to her that he was a chef. "I don't know what that's all about. But I don't think I'm going, especially if he's some kind of weirdo."