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devopssentinel · 6 months ago

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Equity Compensation: When to Accept Shares in a Tech Startup Job Offer

Picture this: you've just received a job offer from a promising tech startup, and amidst the excitement of the new opportunity, you notice something intriguing – the offer includes equity compensation in the form of shares. It's a thrilling prospect, isn't it? You'll be pouring your heart and soul into the chance to own a piece of the company. But before you eagerly sign on the dotted line, it's crucial to take a step back and understand precisely what equity compensation entails. At its core, equity compensation represents an ownership stake in the company. When a startup offers shares, they invite you to become a part-owner of the business. This can include stock options, restricted stock units (RSUs), or outright share grants. Each type of equity compensation has its own unique characteristics and potential benefits. One of the most appealing aspects of equity compensation is the potential for significant financial upside. If the startup you join takes off and becomes a roaring success, your shares could be worth substantial money. It's the stuff that Silicon Valley dreams are made of – early employees who become millionaires or even billionaires on the back of their equity stakes. But here's the thing – equity compensation is also inherently risky. Most startups fail, and even those that succeed often take years to reach a point where their shares are worth anything substantial. When you accept equity as part of your compensation package, you're betting on the company's future success. It's a gamble that can pay off handsomely, but going in with your eyes wide open is essential. Another key consideration when it comes to equity compensation is the vesting schedule. Most startups will grant shares that vest over time, meaning that you don't own them outright from day one. Instead, you'll earn them gradually based on your continued employment with the company. A typical vesting schedule might be four years, with a one-year "cliff" – meaning that you won't vest any shares until you've been with the company for at least a year, at which point you'll vest 25% of your total grant. Understanding the vesting schedule is crucial for evaluating the true value of your equity compensation. Of course, equity compensation is just one piece of the overall puzzle when evaluating a tech startup's job offer. It's important to weigh it alongside other factors like base salary, benefits, and the overall mission and culture of the company. And that's why we're diving deep into this topic together – to help you decide when and how to accept equity as part of your compensation package. So, now that we've laid the groundwork for understanding equity compensation let's explore some key factors to consider when evaluating a specific share offer. We'll look at how to assess the growth potential and risk of the startup, evaluate the terms and conditions of the share offer, and think through your personal financial goals and risk tolerance. By the end of our discussion, you'll be well-equipped to navigate the world of equity compensation with confidence and clarity. Assessing the Growth Potential and Risk of the Shares in a Tech Startup. When you're considering accepting shares as part of a job offer from a tech startup, one of the most important factors to evaluate is the growth potential and risk profile of the company itself. After all, the value of your equity compensation is directly tied to the startup's success. If the company takes off and becomes a household name, your shares could be worth a fortune. But if it struggles or fails, your equity could be worth very little. So, how do you assess a startup's growth potential and risk? It's a complex question, but a few key factors must be considered. First and foremost, could you take a close look at the startup's market? Is it a hot and growing sector with plenty of room for expansion? Or is it a more mature and saturated market where it may be harder to gain traction? Next, consider the startup's unique value proposition and competitive advantage. What sets them apart from other players in the space? Do they have a proprietary technology or a compelling vision for the future? A startup with a clear and compelling competitive edge is more likely to succeed than one trying to be a "me too" player. Of course, the strength of the startup's leadership team is also crucial. Take the time to research the founders' and key executives' backgrounds and track records. Have they successfully built and scaled companies in the past? Do they have deep expertise in the relevant market? A strong and experienced leadership team can make all the difference in navigating the challenges of startup growth. Another important factor to consider is the startup's funding situation. Have they raised significant venture capital, or are they bootstrapping their way to success? A well-funded startup may have more resources to invest in growth but may also face more pressure to deliver outsized returns to its investors. Conversely, a bootstrapped startup may have more control over its destiny but face resource constraints limiting its growth potential. It's also worth looking at the startup's current traction and momentum. Are they consistently hitting their growth targets and milestones? Do they have a growing and engaged customer base? Positive signs of traction can indicate future success, while red flags like missed targets or high customer churn can be cause for concern. Assessing a startup's growth potential and risk is as much an art as a science. It requires research, intuition, and a healthy dose of risk tolerance. But by taking the time to carefully evaluate these key factors, you can make a more informed decision about whether accepting shares in a particular startup is the right move for you. Of course, even the most promising startup comes with inherent risks. The reality is that most startups fail, and even those that do succeed often take a circuitous and challenging path to get there. You're on that ride as an equity holder – for better or worse. That's why it's so important to go in with your eyes wide open and a clear understanding of the risks involved. Don't get so caught up in the potential upside that you ignore the possibility of losing some or all of your investment. Please be honest about your risk tolerance and financial situation, and ensure you're comfortable with the uncertainty of being an early-stage equity holder. At the end of the day, assessing a startup's growth potential and risk is critical in evaluating whether to accept shares as part of your compensation package. By doing your due diligence and carefully weighing the key factors we've discussed, you can make a more informed and confident decision about whether a startup fits you. And if you do decide to take the leap, you'll go in with a clear-eyed understanding of the risks and rewards involved. Evaluating the Terms and Conditions of the Share Offer Congratulations! You've done your due diligence on the startup's growth potential and risk profile and feel good about the opportunity overall. But before you sign on the dotted line and accept those shares, there's one more crucial step: carefully evaluating the terms and conditions of the specific share offer. Not all equity compensation is created equal; the devil is often in the details. It's essential to thoroughly review and understand the critical terms of your share offer, from the type of equity being granted to the vesting schedule and any restrictions or obligations that come with it. First and foremost, make sure you understand exactly what type of equity you're being offered. Are they stock options, restricted stock units (RSUs), or outright shares? Each type of equity has its own unique characteristics and potential benefits, so it's important to understand exactly what you're getting. For example, stock options give you the right to purchase shares at a set price (known as the "strike price") at some point in the future. RSUs, on the other hand, are a promise to grant you shares in the future if certain conditions are met. And outright share grants give you immediate ownership of the shares, but they may come with restrictions around when and how to sell them. Next, take a close look at the vesting schedule for your shares. As discussed earlier, most startups will grant shares that vest over time based on your continued employment with the company. Make sure you understand precisely how the vesting schedule works, including any "cliff" periods where you won't vest any shares until a certain amount of time has passed. It's also important to understand what happens to your unvested shares if you leave the company before the vesting period is complete. In some cases, you may forfeit unvested shares, while in others, you may have the option to exercise your options or keep your RSUs. Another key factor to consider is the strike price for any stock options you are granted. The strike price is the price at which you'll be able to purchase the shares in the future, so it's important to understand how it's determined and whether it's a fair price based on the company's current value. You should also be aware of any restrictions or obligations with your share grant. For example, some startups may require you to sign a non-compete agreement or an intellectual property assignment as a condition of receiving shares. Make sure you understand precisely what you're agreeing to and what the potential implications could be down the line. Finally, don't be afraid to ask questions and seek clarification on any unclear terms or conditions. Your potential employer should be willing to walk you through the details of your share offer and answer any questions you may have. Remember, accepting shares as part of your compensation package is a big decision that can have significant long-term financial implications. It's important to go in with a clear and thorough understanding of exactly what you're getting and what the potential risks and rewards could be. By carefully evaluating the terms and conditions of your share offer, you can make a more informed and confident decision about whether it's the right move for you. And if you decide to accept the shares, you'll have a solid foundation for understanding exactly what you own and your rights and obligations as a shareholder. So take your time, ask questions, be bold, and seek guidance from trusted advisors or legal professionals if needed. With a clear understanding of the terms and conditions of your share offer, you are confident and excited about the potential opportunity ahead. Considering Your Personal Financial Goals and Risk Tolerance Now that we've covered the importance of evaluating the growth potential and risk of the startup and the terms and conditions of the specific share offer, it's time to turn the lens inward and consider your personal financial goals and risk tolerance. At the end of the day, the decision to accept shares as part of your compensation package is a highly personal one that depends on your unique circumstances and priorities. What may be a great opportunity for one person could be a risky gamble for another. So, before making any decisions, reflect on your financial goals and risk tolerance. Start by asking yourself some key questions: What are your short-term and long-term financial objectives? Are you saving for a down payment on a house, planning retirement, or just trying to build up your emergency fund? How much risk are you comfortable taking on in pursuit of those goals? Your answers to these questions can help guide your decision-making regarding accepting equity compensation. If you're early in your career and have a high-risk tolerance, you may be more willing to take a chance on a promising startup with a generous share offer. But if you're closer to retirement and have a lower risk tolerance, you may prefer a more conservative approach that prioritizes cash compensation and safer investments. It's also important to consider your overall financial picture when evaluating a share offer. Do you have other sources of income or investments that could help mitigate the risk of your equity compensation? Are you financially stable enough to weather the ups and downs of startup life, or do you need a more predictable paycheck to make ends meet? Another key factor to consider is your time horizon. Startup equity is typically a long-term investment that may take years to pay off (if it pays off at all). Are you willing and able to hold onto your shares for the long haul, or do you need more immediate liquidity? Understanding your time horizon can help you make a more informed decision about whether accepting shares is right for you. Of course, even with a high-risk tolerance and a long time horizon, it's still important to do your due diligence and carefully evaluate the specific share offer. Please ensure you understand the terms and conditions of the offer, including the vesting schedule and any restrictions or obligations that come with it. You may also want to seek guidance from trusted financial advisors or legal professionals who can help you navigate the complexities of equity compensation and make an informed decision based on your personal circumstances. Accepting shares as part of your compensation package is highly personal and depends on your financial goals, risk tolerance, and overall circumstances. There's no one-size-fits-all answer, and what's right for one person may not be suitable for another. But by taking the time to carefully consider your priorities and do your due diligence on the specific opportunity, you can make a more confident and informed decision about whether accepting shares is right for you. Remember, startup equity can be a powerful tool for building long-term wealth, but it's not without risks and uncertainties. By approaching the decision with a clear understanding of your goals and risk tolerance and thoroughly evaluating the specific share offer, you can position yourself for success and make the most of this exciting opportunity. Navigating the Negotiation Process for Equity Compensation All right, so you've carefully evaluated the growth potential and risk of the startup, pored over the terms and conditions of the share offer, and taken a hard look at your own financial goals and risk tolerance. You're feeling good about the opportunity overall, but there's one more crucial step before you sign on the dotted line: navigating the negotiation process for your equity compensation. Negotiating equity can be tricky and intimidating, especially if you're new to startups and stock options. But don't let that discourage you from advocating for what you deserve. Remember, equity compensation is a vital part of your overall package, and it's essential to ensure you're getting a fair deal. So, how do you go about negotiating equity like a pro? First and foremost, do your homework. Make sure you have a solid understanding of the company's valuation, the size of the employee equity pool, and the typical equity ranges for your role and level of experience. This information can help you benchmark your offer against industry standards and give you a sense of what's reasonable to ask for. Next, consider your own leverage and unique value proposition. What skills and experience do you bring to the table that could justify a higher equity stake? Are you taking on additional risk by joining a very early-stage startup, or are you coming in as a senior hire with a proven track record of success? Understanding your worth and your value to the company can help you make a compelling case for a stronger equity package. When it comes time to actually negotiate, it's important to approach the conversation with a collaborative and constructive mindset. Remember, you and your potential employer are on the same team – you both want to reach a mutually beneficial agreement that sets you up for success in your new role. Start by expressing your enthusiasm for the opportunity and belief in the company's mission and potential. Then, could you possibly explain your expectations around equity compensation, backed up by the research and benchmarking you've done? Be prepared to discuss the specific terms and conditions of the offer, including the vesting schedule, strike price, and any restrictions or obligations associated with the shares. If aspects of the offer don't align with your expectations or needs, don't be afraid to propose alternative structures or terms that could work better for you. Throughout the negotiation process, staying focused on your key priorities and deal-breakers is important. What must-haves are you not willing to compromise on, and where are you willing to be flexible? Having a clear sense of your boundaries and bottom line can help you stay grounded and avoid getting caught up in the heat of the moment. Finally, feel free to take your time and consider the offer carefully before deciding. Let's ask for a day or two to review the terms and consult with trusted advisors or mentors. A good employer will respect your need to make an informed and thoughtful decision and won't pressure you to rush into anything. Remember, negotiating equity compensation is crucial in setting yourself up for success in your new role. By approaching the process with preparation, confidence, and a collaborative mindset, you can advocate for what you deserve and reach a mutually beneficial agreement that positions you for long-term growth and success. So take a deep breath, do your homework, and don't be afraid to speak up for what you're worth. With a bit of savvy and heart, you can navigate the equity negotiation process like a pro and come out on the other side with a package reflecting your actual value and potential. Read the full article

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devopssentinel2000 · 6 months ago

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Equity Compensation: When to Accept Shares in a Tech Startup Job Offer

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dreaminfinitybrand88 · 2 years ago

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The Ultimate Guide to Understanding Twin Flame Relationship: What You Need to Know

Twin flame relationship has been a topic of fascination for many people for quite some time. These relationships are often described as intense, transformative, and even life-changing. However, understanding twin flame relationships can be a complex and nuanced process, as there are many different theories and interpretations surrounding this phenomenon.

In this ultimate guide to understanding twin flame relationship, we'll explore the various aspects of twin flame relationship, from what they are to how they work and what you can expect if you find yourself in one.

What are Twin Flame Relationships?

At their core, twin flame relationships is a type of soul connection that is said to be the ultimate form of love and union. According to the concept of twin flames, each soul is split into two parts at the beginning of time. These two parts, or twin flames, are then destined to reunite at some point in their journey through life.

Twin flame relationships are considered intense and transformative, often involving deep spiritual connections and a sense of purpose beyond the individual partners themselves. In many cases, twin-flame relationships are seen as a means of personal growth and transformation, allowing both partners to evolve and become the best versions of themselves.

How Do Twin Flame Relationships Work?

Twin flame relationships are often described as intense and challenging, as they can involve significant emotional and spiritual upheaval. These relationships may include periods of separation, where the twin flames must work through their own personal challenges before coming back together.

One of the hallmarks of twin-flame relationships is the intense connection between the two partners. This connection is said to be based on a deep soul-level resonance, with each partner feeling an immediate and profound sense of recognition and familiarity upon meeting their twin flame.

However, twin-flame relationships are only sometimes easy or straightforward. In some cases, twin flames may struggle with feelings of fear, uncertainty, and even intense conflict as they navigate their shared journey. This is because twin-flame relationships are designed to facilitate growth and transformation, which can involve facing and working through challenging emotions and situations.

Everything You Need to Know About Relationships with Your Twin Flame

If you're interested in exploring twin flame relationship, There are a few essential considerations:

Twin flame relationships are not always romantic:

While twin flame relationships are often described in romantic terms, they can also manifest in non-romantic relationships, such as friendships or even family connections. The key factor in twin flame relationships is the deep soul-level connection between the two partners.

Twin flame relationships can be intense:

As we've already mentioned, twin flame relationships can be challenging and even complex. This is because they are designed to facilitate growth and transformation, which can involve facing and working through difficult emotions and situations.

Twin flame relationships are not always meant to last:

While twin flame relationships can be transformative and life-changing, they are not always meant to last forever. In some cases, twin flames may come together for a specific period, work through their challenges, and then move on to other relationships or experiences.

Twin-flame relationships can facilitate personal growth and transformation:

One of the main benefits of twin-flame relationships is their ability to promote personal growth and change. By working through their challenges and learning from each other, twin flames can become the best versions of themselves and reach new levels of spiritual and emotional maturity.

Final Thoughts

Understanding twin flame relationship can be a complex and nuanced process, but it can be gratifying. By recognizing the signs of a twin flame relationship and understanding how these relationships work, you can gain deeper insights into your own personal journey and the connections you share with others. Ultdimately, twin-flame relationships are about growth, transformation, and the ability of love to overcome even the most challenging obstacles.

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carolsideblog · 4 years ago

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Undiagnosed Autism in Adults | Being Shamed for Special Interests

What is a Special Interest?

I’m 27 and I have autism.

Therefore, I have special interests. Generally speaking, in the context of the autistic spectrum disorder, a special interest is... just genuinely hard for me to describe or explain? Here are some links with definitions of special interests.

Autism Fandom Wikia

Ambitious About Autism

Amythest Schaber - Ask an Autistic, What are Special Interests?

Purple Ella - Autism & Special Interests

... long post ahead / cw for cussing and swearinig ...

The Comfort of my Special Interests

My special interests are things that I’m deeply passionate about and something that I latch onto, almost as a coping mechanism. I have a variety of special interests that shift in and out of focus through out the months in a year, but I could prattle on and ON AND ON for HOURS about any of them.

When I’m immersed in my current favorite special interest, I am over the moon. I feel productive, the world makes sense, I feel like my life makes sense, and I can calm down faster from a stressful, overwhelming day.

Adulthood and the Expectations of Neurotypicals

But in adulthood, it’s generally not seen as a mature thing for an old woman in her twenties to STILL be fucking talking about “dumb shit.” Shit that’s “bad,” shit that’s “problematic,” or shit that’s not for “my age group.”

I don’t fucking know what women in their late twenties are supposed to do. I’m not a sensible enough of an adult to know.

I also know very well that my shit is problematic, bad, and/or not for my age group. I probably researched 5 hours straight on my special interest for nearly a month when I discovered it. I know books, games and movies that I’ve taken a shine to forwards and backwards, I know deep-cut fandom jokes in different things I like, I know who created what and when.

But this isn’t impressive to anyone. To the rest of neurotypical society, one needs to have a bunch of light hearted little hobbies that you can switch too whenever you want because that’s “healthy.” It’s “not healthy” whatsoever (apparently) to STILL be talking about something that I love, because I’m an adult and I should have hobbies and I should have a job filing away things and writing data in spreadsheets like a good little working woman.

Or whatever, I don’t know.

Guilt, Shame and Stigma

I just... don’t understand why people shame people for the things that bring them joy, even if the things that bring them joy are objectively poor quality or badly made. The things I love make me happy, and they make me happy for lots of different reasons.

Some reasons include...

It was close to my childhood and I have a strong attachment to it

It was the lifeline I clung onto when I was going through a rough part of my life and the memories I have of it bring me comfort

I felt proud investing time in researching information, collecting memorabilia, and becoming an “expert” in that special interest

To me, my special interests were so important to my ability to cope, it got to the point where some parts of them became almost like an addition to my identity; my special interests are part of who I am and how I navigate the world. It might come from not really having a strong sense of self in the first place, I don’t know.

So when people scold me for still talking about my special interests, or make passive aggressive, off-hand comments about my special interests, or when they’re even out-right criticizing my special interests, (”It’s a bad book, it’s a bad game, the movie sucks,”)

Even if I know they’re right, it feels like an attack on me. It feels like they’re scolding me for liking the things I like. It feels like they’re criticizing me for liking something bad. It feels like they’re being passive aggressive and unfair because they don’t like me.

Rationally and logically I know this isn’t true. But it still feels like an emotional punch in the gut. It still feels like people are policing what I should and shouldn’t like. And it pisses me off and makes me ruminate.

An Open Letter to Neurotypicals

Hello, ally.

Life is hard. You and I both know that. But thankfully, there are loads of things in this world that can bring us joy. We have lots of things to keep us entertained, to socialize over, and to be passionate about.

But I get it: someone in your life keeps talking about that one thing all the time. Maybe you’re tired, maybe you’ve heard so much about this thing before, you’ve had enough or got bored. I dunno? But you’re tank is empty and you need a break, and that’s fair.

If for whatever reason your friend won’t shut up about something they really seem to love and it makes them happy... Be nice about it I guess?

If I could say anything to any neurotypical that I’ve spoken too in my lifetime right now, it’s this: be frank, honest, and straightforward. Don’t beat around the bush and don’t “drop hints.” Don’t always rely on people figuring it out for themselves. Just because things might come naturally to you doesn’t mean those same things come naturally to others. And this is okay, I only ask that you communicate clearly and honestly when you can.

If a topic is getting tiresome to you and you need a break, just tell them. Most of the time, it will be fine. When you’re up for it and wondering about a hobby or interest that someone told you about, bring it up with them again. It might brighten their day.

You don’t have to participate in the special interest of a friend if you don’t want too. Just be there for your friends, lend an ear if you can, and be supportive.

An Open Letter to the Neurodiverse

Hello, friend.

Don’t let people get you down about your special interests. If there’s something in this world that makes you passionate, that keeps you up at night because you’re so excited, that makes you rush to wake up because you want to do your Favorite Thing in the Entire World™, then please keep embracing that thing.

It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t fit the standards of neurotypicals. You don’t have to please people. If people are giving you a hard time because something makes you happy??? They’re probably not the right people to be around anyway. Someone in your life just kinda humoring you and you wish you had more? Same! But it’s okay. People who love you are listening as best they can, but please, I promise you if you keep looking, you will find your like-minded people and you will be able to find people to talk about your passions with.

If it makes you happy, if it brings you joy, if it brings you comfort, please don’t let that go if people keep nagging you for it. You have no reason to feel guilty or ashamed for something that helps you cope, that keeps you grounded, that makes you happy.

Also know that as much love and joy and comfort that your special interest gives you... remember you are still a whole entire person. You can wear your special interest as apart of you if you feel that brings you the most honest and genuine comfort and joy, but just remember that you don’t need to be limited to just this one thing. You have full permission to also be anything else you want to be in addition to this special interest. This is not to scold or shame you, but this is to remind you that you are a valid, whole person, and you are allowed to transform however you want too.

Closing Ramblings and Musings

I’ve been really bothered by this.

Like I’ve been thinking about this a lot, on again and off again, since November.

Through out my life, people have made lots of comments about my hobbies and the things I like. Most of them negative.

From the music I like to listen too, the bands and groups I follow, to the books I loved to read, to the movies I like to watch, to the games I love to play. I have my own genuine criticism and critiques that I have for a variety of things that fall under my special interests. I’m passionate and thorough with my feedback because I love all of my special interests so much, and I know they could be better.

I have a lot of complex feelings and a lot of things to reconcile with my special interests. It’s so hard to grow up and start to learn and realize how... bad they are all. How problematic some are, how poor quality or laughably simple they all are. I can give you all of my different reasons for why I like them and I could tell you all day about how I know they’re all bad... but I know some of the things I love are just laughing stocks and punching bags in pop culture to the neurotypical society.

But I can’t just let them go. That’s what I couldn’t stop thinking about in November and December. I really just couldn’t let these things go. For personal reasons, for nostalgia reasons, for coping reasons. I love these things. And I carry a lot of guilt and frustration with myself because I can’t let these things go. I can’t just switch to new fandoms, new books, new movies, new groups. At least, maybe not yet. I don’t know.

I just don’t know. I want to reclaim the parts I love but I know that It’s not a real solution. There’s such a major divide between the special interests I love and what I actually believe in and stand for. They directly conflict with each other and it’s frustrating and complicated.

I really don’t know how to close this post, to be honest. This post won’t solve the problem I have. It won’t explain to the people who scolded me for my special interest, it won’t make them understand or forgive me about why I keep talking about a stupid book with a bad premise, it won’t make them understand why I have “bad taste” or why a 27 year old woman won’t shut up about something largely assumed “meant for kids.”

This was just to vent and maybe lend hope to people feel the same way or have the same struggles.

#autism #special interests #autism special interest #neurodiversity #neurodivergence #rant #guilt #frustration #stigma #adults with autism #autistic adults #autistic blogger #female autism #autistic woman

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taeken-my-heart · 5 years ago

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Moirai Chapter 6

Summary: On your 18th birthday a name appears on your wrist. The name of your soulmate. It’s a momentous day that everyone looks forward to, but you’ve always brushed aside; refusing to believe in a fickle mistress called destiny. But what happens when on the morning of your 18th birthday you wake to find the name of your mortal enemy? Jeon Jungkook.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Soulmates au/ Enemies to lovers au. Angst, fluff, bickering, romance, eventual smut.

Word Count: 4557

Notes: There is a read more placed after the first paragraph, but we all know tumblr is weird so if it doesn’t show up I’m sorry :(

-- This is the chapter that really gets things rolling, so be prepared for some angst over the next few chapters. You have been warned!

****

It had been two weeks straight now since Ella had spent her evenings at Jungkook’s house. To say it’s been weird, would be an understatement. He wasn’t even tutoring her or anything, they were just…hanging out.

Most nights your mom made you go too. She insisted since Ella was already going, it would be convenient if you both went, that way you could do your tutoring there and just get it out of the way. You suspected it was just so your parents could have what they liked to call “special bonding time.”

Gross.

You sighed, staring down at your phone as it went straight to voicemail again. Thumb hovering over the red end call button, you listened for the beep of the answering machine before ending the call and throwing your head back against the couch.

“Still didn’t answer?” Ella asked from her place across the room, hand locked with Jungkook’s in a thumb wrestling championship. Winner got to eat the last breadstick from the pizza you’d ordered. Whatever.

“He’s just busy is all,” you sniffed, picking at your fingernails.

“Totally,” Jungkook nodded, “beginning of the semester can be pretty busy, I’ve heard.”

You appreciated the effort, but everyone knew that was a bald-faced lie. The beginning of the year was always the least busy while things were settling in. No homework or tests because you hadn’t learned anything yet. You chewed on the inside of your lip, pulling your homework back into your lap, choosing to ignore their peering eyes and they eventually went back to their battle.

Your thoughts were racing, though. It had only been two weeks since Lucas had gone back to school and for the last three days, you’d barely heard anything from him. An odd text here or there is all you’d gotten and you couldn’t help but worry. Maybe he’d found a girl at his school that was way more interesting than you. Someone that he could talk to about more mature things, like economics.

You were still in high school, after all, and frankly you didn’t even know what economics meant. Your aunt studied it in college, though, so you could probably ask her to get you up to speed if needed.

All the words in your text book were running together, but this assignment was due tomorrow and you only had a little bit left. It was frustrating that you couldn’t keep focused, especially now that Ella was cheering loudly in the background and grabbing the last bread stick.

You watched as she broke it in half and offered a piece to Jungkook who accepted with a thank you and a goofy smile. You missed Lucas.

“Don’t stress so much.” Ella said, coming to sit beside you, taking a bite of her bread. “I’m sure he’s just busy with assignments. He’ll probably call you tomorrow and tell you you’re being silly for worrying so much.”

“I’m not stressed,” you insisted, though the strain in your voice was anything but convincing. “I just hope he’s not overworking himself is all.”

“You wanna watch a movie or something?” Jungkook asked and you sighed, shaking your head.

“No, I should probably go home and finish my homework.” You stood, stuffing your books in your bag and tugging it over your shoulder. “You coming Ella?”

“I’ll be home a little later, Jungkook said he was gonna show me how to level up my character on Fortnite.”

“Have fun, nerd.” You nodded, making your way to the front door and out into the evening. It was colder now, the seasons slowly turning and creating a need for a jacket that you’d foolishly left at home. Thankfully, you only lived five houses down the road.

When you reached home your phone vibrated with a call and you quickly answered as soon as you saw Lucas’ name on the screen. “Hey!” You gasped, flinging your bag onto your bed and sitting down with a bounce. “I’ve been trying to reach you.”

“I know, I’m sorry. It’s been a little hectic recently. My roommate was right, my professor did assign a project with partners on the very first day. We actually just met up to start talking about what we want to do for our project; that’s why I didn’t answer your call.”

“Totally understand,” you nodded, as though he could see you. “How have you been? Aside from busy.”

“I’m OK, classes this semester seem like they’re going to be interesting. There are more people on campus this semester; I think they accepted more than they usually do. I guess it makes sense, they built a few new apartment complexes that they needed to fill.”

“It sounds exciting,” you murmured, laying back against your pillows, “I can’t wait for college. It’ll be nice to be a little more independent.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled, “that’s definitely nice. Will you have a car when you get to college, though? That makes the experience even better.”

You hum in thought, staring up at your ceiling. “I don’t know, actually. It’s not like I’ve got a job right now so I can’t really afford one. I’ll probably just end up walking or taking the bus or something.”

“My roommate has a car; it’s awesome. He can go anywhere, there’s no limits. Honestly, that’s one of the best things about being an adult.”

“It sounds really nice; like freedom.”

“In some ways,” he chuckled, “in some ways adulthood is freedom and in others it’s more like prison.”

You spent the rest of the night talking until eventually you fell asleep, phone still cradled on your shoulder. Your neck was sore with a crick the next morning and you felt gross and uncomfortable. You’d fallen asleep without changing or brushing your teeth so you quickly took a shower and brushed your teeth, finally feeling more human.

Your family was already downstairs in the kitchen when you made your way into the room, slinging your backpack over the edge of your chair and sitting down. “Morning!” Your mother smiled, handing you a plate and you started piling breakfast on top. “Can you believe Jungkook is 18 tomorrow? That means he will get his mark! I wonder who she is. Not much longer now and it’ll be your turn.”

“Yeah,” you grumbled, slouching in your chair.

“What if no mark appeared at all?” Ella giggled and your mom smacked her arm lightly.

“Impossible, that’s never happened before in the history of the world.”

You shrugged, taking a bite of your food, “I don’t really mind not having my life dictated.”

Your mother sighed, giving your father a look and he straightened his tie with fidgety fingers. “Look, Y/N, it’s not dictation. The universe puts you with someone that would make you the happiest but it’s always up to you if you want to follow that path, you know that.”

“Yeah, well, what if the universe puts me with someone I end up hating?”

“Not possible,” he shook his head, “it works with compatibility and personality. You’d never be put with someone who doesn’t compliment you.”

“Look, you know this topic bothers me, I’d really rather not talk about it. Having some person’s name appear on my wrist isn’t going to change anything so can we not discuss this anymore?”

Your father sighed, shifting his eyes to your mother and nodding his head sullenly. “Well we’re getting some really great pictures for yearbook!” Ella smiled. “Jacob took some awesome pictures at the pep rally last week and I’ve been assigned to take some pictures of this weekend’s football game.”

“That’s great!” Your mother smiled, “Should we be going to the game?”

“You can if you want to, I don’t know if anyone you know will be playing, though.”

“That’s OK, we could just go for fun.”

Conversation diverged into other topics that were much less uncomfortable and the rest of breakfast was spent in lively conversation about which marvel character was the best.

****

On the drive to school, you shuffled through your list of to do’s and noted another English assignment you’d need help on. Sighing, you resigned yourself to asking for Jungkook’s help again. The morning was significantly colder than before and you huffed, wrapping yourself warm in a jacket and pulling your bag over your shoulder with a thanks to your mother before heading to the school doors. In the warmer months most of the students were out in the courtyard talking until the 10-minute bell rang, but now most people were congregated in the hallways and that made it difficult to navigate through the crowds to Jungkook’s locker.

You could see his scruff of hair over the tops of nearby heads and you pushed your way through gingerly before you were standing beside him and tapping his shoulder. “Hey.”

He turned to look at you, pulling an earbud from his ear and greeting you with a smile. “What’s up?”

“We’ve got that assignment coming up in English and I was hoping you could help me.”

“Oh yeah, totally. Let’s plan for tomorrow after school. If you could remind me in the morning, that would be great, just in case I forget.”

“Sure,” you shrugged, turning your body to walk away. “Thanks, Jungkook.”

****

“I’m positive they’re trying to poison us.” Noelle pouted, slamming her lunch tray on the table and you cast your gaze up towards her, watching as she sat down. “What even is this? Mystery meat?”

“I thought it was meatloaf.” Lillian said, peering over her own lunch bag and into the tray of her friend.

“Supposedly.”

“Well, this is why I bring my own lunch.” Lillian smiled and Noelle scoffed.

“You bring your own lunch because you’re vegan and the last time this school sold anything that resembled a vegetable was when the first lady was doing her healthy school lunch initiative.”

“True.” Lillian nodded, taking another bite of her pasta. “I do get lunch here sometimes, when they’ve got spaghetti or something.”

“I’d give anything for spaghetti right now.” Noelle complained, stabbing the foreign substance on her tray with distain.

“So, are you guys going to Jungkook’s birthday party?” You asked, taking a bite of your salad. Noelle’s mystery meat was exactly why you too brought your own lunch.

“That’s tonight, right?” Lillian asked, opening a small Tupperware full of strawberries. You nodded and she bit off the tip of one bright red berry. Your mouth salivated at the image. “Yeah, I was planning on it. You?”

“Yeah,” you moped, “I think my mom would kill me if I didn’t. Plus, he and my sister have been getting really close recently, which is super weird, by the way, and apparently, I have to be her chaperone for her first “real” party. Whatever that means. It’s not like there will even be alcohol. His parents are gonna be there!”

“Don’t be a party pooper.” Noelle scolded. “We’re gonna go and we’re gonna have fun.”

“I’m not opposed to fun, I’m just unsure if Jungkook and fun exist in the same sentence.” You replied, incensed.

“Ha.Ha.” Noelle deadpanned and you huffed at your friend. “Stop complaining, it’s gonna be a good time. It’s not like it’s gonna only be the 5 of us, there will be tons of other people there, too. He’s popular, remember?”

“Yeah, if only I could forget. They might just give him his very own float in the spring parade, that’s how obsessed people are with him. Get a life, am I right?”

Lillian shrugged, “I don’t know, he’d look pretty great on a float.”

“Ew, self-respect, Lil. Where is it?”

“Anyway,” Lillian shrugged, turning away from your judgmental glare, “I think it will be a cool party and I’m ready to dance!”

You watched as Ella walked into the room with Jungkook and Rachel, going to sit with them at their table, Rachel holding possessively onto Jungkook’s arm and you scoffed. You’d never understand why your sister wanted to be part of that crowd.

****

Jungkook’s house was lively with people, all faces you recognized from school but never bothered to socialize with. You ran in different circles and you often felt like you had nothing in common. They only talked about surface level things, not that there was anything wrong with that, you just preferred a little deeper connection.

Neither Lillian or Noelle had arrived yet, so you stayed with Ella as she walked around the room, talking with and greeting people you never realized she knew. Your sister was more of a social butterfly than you’d ever thought. You weren’t sure why it was so surprising, her personality in general was outgoing and friendly; prime candidate for popularity.

You both accepted drinks from Jungkook’s mom, thanking her softly as she pointed you in the direction of her son who was sitting in the living room, surrounded by a group of his friends. Ella took the lead, guiding the two of you bravely into the center of the fray and you cringed internally as she pulled you with her right up to where Jungkook was sitting.

“Jungkook!” She called, smile bright, and he looked up at her, a grin peeling brightly across his face as he stood.

“Ella, I’m glad you could come!” He said, hugging her quickly and you watched as Rachel frowned from her seat on the couch. “Hey, Y/N. Glad you could come too.”

“Sure.” You nodded, sipping at your drink. There were too many people in the room and someone bumped into you from behind with a laugh and a quick apology.

“You guys have already met Rachel and Dean. This is Allison, Elisha, and Michael.” He said, pointing out the friends in his little circle and you nodded at each in turn. Rachel, Allison, and Elisha were all on the cheerleading team together while both Dean and Michael played football. It was surprising that Jungkook and the rest of the group had even become friends since he played soccer, but you supposed good looking people just flocked together.

“I love your dress,” Allison smiled, directing her gaze to Ella who grinned, smoothing down the edges, head bowed. “It’s so summery.”

“Thanks!” Ella chirped. “It’s my way of protesting the change of seasons. Kind of too cold to be wearing a dress now, but whatever.”

“I’m a big fan of baggy sweaters and leggings myself.” Elisha said and Allison nodded back at her wildly.

“Yes! And pumpkin spice lattes!”

“Girl, stop, you’re totally right!”

You watched them continue their conversation, sipping quietly at your drink as Ella talked animatedly with them about fall colors and aesthetic pictures and you sighed. It wasn’t that those were things you weren’t interested in, you just thought maybe you’d talk about something more interesting. Then again, deep conversations never happened with strangers.

“You ok?” Jungkook asked softly, coming up beside you and you looked over at him. He was taller than you, but not overwhelmingly so and you looked up into the fluttering lashes that framed his dark eyes. He was being nicer than normal, which was strange, but then you supposed he really was taking the truce seriously. Either that or Ella had somehow softened him up.

“Yeah,” you responded, looking back down at your drink, “just not really the “partying” type.”

“Then just think of it as a hang out.” He smiled. “I know you don’t really know anyone here that well, but I could introduce you to some people, if you want.”

“I’m not really sure I’d have much in common with people here.” You said and he shook his head at you.

“Why? Because they’re popular? Jocks, cheerleaders? Are you being judgmental, Y/N?” He teased and you pouted up at him.

“No!” You insisted, “I just mean that we don’t really have the same interests so conversation would be kind of difficult.”

“Well how do you know if you have things in common or not if you don’t ask?” He replied, eyebrow raised and you huffed.

“Keep your logic to yourself, Jeon.”

Jungkook chuckled, nudging your shoulder with his own. “Come on, let me introduce you. I’m sure Noelle and Lillian with be here soon, but in the meantime, there’s got to be some people here you can have a conversation with.”

“I don’t really want to abandon Ella.” You said and Jungkook gave you a look, switching his gaze to her and back to you.

“You can’t be serious.”

Ella was talking animatedly with both Allison and Elisha and you sighed, shrugging. “Well fine, she doesn’t really need any looking after. I really don’t mind being that person who stands next to the snack table and drowns their sorrows in junk food, Jungkook. Besides, like you said, Lil and Noelle should be here soon and then I’ll have someone to talk to.”

“Well, let me come with you at least.” He said and you shrugged again.

“It’s a free country.”

He followed you to the table where you grabbed a small plate, searching through the different snack options that you could munch on.

“So, tomorrow’s a big day.” You said absentmindedly, grabbing a carrot and dipping it before popping it in your mouth; crunching loudly.

Jungkook nodded, rubbing at his wrist. “Yeah, kind of crazy. Tomorrow I’ll wake up and everything will be different.”

“And completely the same.” You said, looking over at him and he huffed a laugh.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“What if you know the person whose name appears?” You ask, grabbing a twinkie and putting it on your plate. Jungkook wrinkled his nose at you.

“I don’t know, I guess I’ll talk to them are something. Are you really going to eat that?”

“Hey, don’t judge me, it was on your table.” You replied tartly.

“Yeah, but my mom bought it, not me. I actually have taste.”

“Oh-ho.” You chuckled, “I should tell her you said that.”

“Don’t!” He chuckled, grabbing your forearm, “she’ll probably actually kill me.” He released his grip on you and you grabbed a snap pea from the serving dish, chewing on it absentmindedly.

“Are you still excited to find out the name?”

Jungkook’s lips pursed in thought, hands stuffed in his jeans. “Yeah, nervous too, though. When will I meet her?”

“Well, maybe you already have.” You said, finishing off your bite.

“Nah,” he waved his hand in the air, glancing away, “I’ve never had the pull so I doubt I’ve met her.”

You shrugged before noticing Noelle walking through the front door, dark curls tumbling over her shoulders. “Oh!” You smiled, walking towards her, “you made it. Thank goodness, I thought I was gonna have to talk to Jungkook the whole night.”

“Not really a punishment,” she smiled, watching as Jungkook made his way back to the couch to sit with his friends. “He’s looking particularly gorgeous today. Hot damn. So, did he already get his soulmate tattoo?”

“No, he’ll get that at midnight. His birthday is tomorrow.”

She nodded idly, snagging a piece of cucumber from your plate and crunching loudly. “How’s the party?”

“It’s fine. Don’t really know anyone here, to be honest.”

“I see a few people from my drama class; let’s go say hi!”

You followed after, allowing Noelle to introduce you to some of her other friends. It was weird because, aside from Lillian and Noelle, you couldn’t really say you had other friends. You could have totally met other people if you’d wanted to, you’d just never tried. You wondered idly if that was good or bad.

“So, what do you do for fun?” A girl named Rha asked and you quickly chewed your abnormally large bite of twinky to answer.

“Uh, I normally hang out with friends. Sometimes I’ll draw a little. I’m not very good at it, but it’s fun to do. I also really like to watch dumb Youtube videos.”

“Me too!” Rha grinned, “anytime I can just kind of turn my brain off and veg out is nice. What’s your favorite channel to watch?”

“I really like watching food videos,” you chuckled. “Especially when I’m hungry. Apparently, I’m a bit of a masochist.” The group laughed and you continued, “my favorites are probably BuzzFeed. I like watching videos of people cooking cool foods.”

“Like the test kitchen?”

“Yeah!” You grinned, “did you see the starburst episode?”

Rha laughed loudly, grabbing at her knee as she leaned forward, “Yes! I always feel so bad for Claire! She has to do the most difficult things. I’m also super envious, though. I want to work in a test kitchen myself. My mom works in one and I’ve always thought it was so cool, so watching Claire is like a reminder of what I want to do myself.”

“That’s so cool! I’ve never met anyone who wants to work in a test kitchen before!”

“Neither have I.” Rha giggled. “Who knows, maybe someday I’ll work with Claire.”

“Well if you do, don’t forget the little people.” Noelle teased.

An hour later the house was nearly bursting at the seams with people. You glanced around the room trying to spot your sister only to see her sat with Jungkook and his friends in the corner, leaned into him, hand on his knee as he whispered something in her ear.

If Rachel could see the two of them, she’d probably throw a massive fit, but as it was, you couldn’t see her anywhere. Most of Jungkook’s close friends had dispersed around the room, in fact, so it was just him and Ella sitting together talking. You could only imagine she would die of happiness from this.

You chuckled, turning back to the conversation your friends were still having as Rha announced loudly that she was thirsty and asking if she could grab anyone anything to drink. The number of drinks was more than she could carry, so you offered to help her, leading her to the kitchen where the Jeon’s were both talking at the table, filling cups with punch for the people milling around them.

“Y/N! You having fun?” Jieun called as you made your way towards her and you smiled, nodding.

“Yeah, I’ve actually met some cool new people. This is Rha, Rha, these are Jungkook’s parents.”

“So nice to meet you!” Rha smiled, extending her hand to both of them, “thank you so much for having us all over.”

“We’re so glad you could come over to celebrate our boy with us.” Jieun smiled, “tomorrow is a huge day so we’re glad he could have all his friends around him for support.”

“It’s pretty life changing!” Rha enthused, accepting the cup Jungkook’s dad handed her with a thank you. “I actually had my 18th birthday last month.” She said, extending her arm and you noticed, for the first time, the freshly emblazoned name in her skin.

“Oh wow,” you said, turning towards her. The room filled with more people and conversation so you spoke louder to be heard, “I’ve never actually met anyone in our grade who had gotten their name. Did it hurt?”

“Well, I got it in the middle of the night when I was asleep, so I didn’t notice it at first, but it was a little sore for about a week after I got it. Nothing really bad, just a little tender.” She said, pushing her long dark hair behind her ear.

“Do you know the person?” You asked, curiosity peaked. You weren’t particularly interested in the whole soulmate thing in general, but you couldn’t deny that it was a little interesting hearing it from someone your age who’d just gotten their own soulmate mark.

Rha shook her head, “nope. I guess I’m in for an adventure!”

“That you are!” Mr. Jeon chuckled. “Anyway, you guys should get back to the party, go enjoy yourselves!”

“We actually need 4 more drinks for our friends.” You smiled and the two of them quickly filled 4 more cups, handing them off to you and waving you away.

You spent the rest of the evening chatting with Lillian, Noelle, and Rha, meeting a few other members of the drama club, before your mom texted you, requesting that you and your sister return home, it was a school night, after all.

****

The next morning you walked to school. Your mother wasn’t feeling well so you and Ella dressed warm and made your way out into the cool autumn morning.

“Last night was so cool,” Ella sighed dreamily, “Jungkook and I just hung out for hours and talked and it was so awesome. I think he might like me.”

You raised an eyebrow at her, lips tightening to stop your giggle, “OK, don’t be silly, he has a girlfriend and you know that.”

Ella shrugged, biting her bottom lip, “I don’t know, they got in a big fight and went outside to talk and when he came back in, he said she went home.”

“That’s doesn’t mean anything, Ella. Sometimes people fight and just need to cool off.”

Ella huffed, tightening the belt around her jacket. “Stop being such a wet blanket, can’t you just be happy for me?”

“What’s there to be happy about?” You asked, eyebrows rising, “happy that Jungkook’s been friendlier to you recently? Happy that you guys are better friends? It’s not like anything happened, and if something did happen, I’ll kill him because he has a girlfriend and you’re not gonna be the other girl!”

Ella sighed, rolling her eyes at you. “Calm down, nothing happened, you know he’s not like that. He’d never do something so gross. I’m just saying, he’s been friendlier than normal and kind of flirty. I think he might be starting to like me.”

“Don’t get your hopes up, that’s all I’m saying.” You muttered, staring at the school as it grew larger the closer the two of you walked towards it.

“What if he did pursue me? Would you be OK with that or would you be a mega bitch to him again?” She asked, slowing her step and you frowned at her.

“I’m not a mega bitch!” You complained and she looked over at you, lips forming a tight line. “OK, fine, fine, whatever. If you guys actually liked each other than fine, whatever, I’d be supportive of that, but I’m just saying, don’t get your hopes up. Even if they did break up, you don’t want to be just a rebound.”

“Fine,” she grumbled, “I’ll keep my expectations low. Anyway, I’m gonna go find my friends.” She flounced off in front of you, throwing her hair over her shoulder as she went and you grumbled in aggravation.

That girl was only going to get her heart broken.

Now that you were here, though, you needed to find Jungkook and remind him about your homework appointment tonight. You had an assignment to do and it wasn’t going to write itself…and you definitely weren’t going to write it unless you had help so you hiked your bag higher on your shoulder and walked into the school, shivering at the temperature change.

Walking further down the hall towards where you knew Jungkook’s locker to be, you couldn’t see him at first, but the hallway was busy with people so you pushed further into the crowd before spotting his bouncing head of dark hair.

You walked up behind him, tapping his shoulder. “Hey Jungkook, you still good to help me with my English homework after school?”

He jumped, spinning to face you, eyes wide and fingers fidgeting with the sleeves of his long shirt. “Uh, Y/N, hi. Actually, I-I am not feeling very well today so I was gonna try and take a nap after school or something.”

You watched him, eyebrow raised as he pressed his back further into the locker, eyes drifting over your shoulder to dance across the faces of the people passing through the hallway to their first classes.

“Ok…” You said slowly, glancing over your shoulder and then back to him. “Well, what about tomorrow? You free then?”

“How about I text you and let you know?” He asked, spinning quickly towards his locker and grabbing his books, slamming the door shut. “I’ve got class, but I’ll message you later or something. Bye.”

You watched as he darted down the hallway, turning the corner and disappearing out of sight. “Weirdo.” You sighed.

****

Thank you so much for reading! I’d love to hear your thoughts and feedback! I’ll be finishing and posting the last chapter of Independent next month and then Moirai will become my main focus. <3

Chapter 5

Chapter 7

#jungkook scenario #BTS jungkook #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff

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chrisemrysfics · 4 years ago

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And here I find in my draft a ramble about maturity, in relation to fiction.

It’s not made to be like a proper speech, just rambles read over to make sure there’s a progression of logic and it makes sense. I added more so you can see where it gets a bit less ramble and a bit more clean, but it’s all just, feels sharing.

I post this because I don’t feel I expressed what I do here in the way I did here, and I feel so very strongly about this.

If you want to take one sentence out of it that I really loved once I wrote it, it’s this one: an act can be immature, but a person is never immature, they are always as mature as their own growth and journey has lead them to be.

With bonus of: maturity is not intelligence, to say you aren’t mature enough for something is, in fact, intelligent of you; but to react in immature actions is still nothing about being non intelligent, your maturity is an aspect of yourself in itself, the same way intelligence is another, and age is actually another, because while age can limit the level of maturity you can achieve (due to the brain still growing and also the limit of experiences you can have the younger you are), different people at the same age can be more mature or less mature than each other.

And extra bonus: fiction is, I dare say, almost always meant for people who can handle it, with the expectation that those that cannot handle it will avoid it (close tab, close book, change channel, blacklist, etc). Because that is the mature reaction to have, to avoid what you cannot handle (and minimize your exposure to it). Which is why mature people will not listen to immature reactions, and “defend” the source of the immature reaction, because they can recognize it isn’t a mature reaction, and hope to make the person grow in their maturity to realize the mature reaction is to avoid, not censor.

A quick addition based on my mostly fandom based meta just before: fiction is also the only place, only thing in existence, where you can experience and learn from an infinite number of experience, all the while being safe. It is the only place you can safely discover your limits, and grow your maturity through the fictions you can handle, as you discover different ways a topic, experience, etc can be experienced. Fiction is a mirror of reality, but reality can harm us, and fiction is unable to, and once we are mature enough to react maturely to what we can or cannot handle, we can make use of fiction to learn and know ourself and navigate the real world better. And it’s the other reason mature people will protect the freedom of fiction.

was talking about maturity and i remembered when i was young teen, maybe 13, or maybe even 12, and i asked to use internet, and a neighboor-friend (big brother like) helped me make a forum account and mom was close by too, and with my neighboor we made a joke in my profile (i can recall it still, we wrote “and god created pikachu!”).

things had been going well (i think he showed me some things too), mom wasn’t hovering but was around and sometimes looked to, it was a fun, happy moment.

and then someone messaged me and insulted me, angry that i mis-used god’s name.

needless to say, i got really confused and hurt and i cried, it’s very vague in my memory then but yeah i know i was hugged, and my neighboor replied for me and told the person off and made sure to nail in the fact i was a teen.

once i calmed down, mom asked me what i wanted to do, and i told her, i dont want to try for now, and i didnt, because i had enough maturity to realize i wasn’t feeling mature yet to handle these kind of people and the wild cards of internet.

in the same manner, i was maybe mid teen, maybe even 15/16 or closing in to 17, its lessened now but back then i was really, really squirmy with g/ore and b/lood and ho/rror. however, i cant recall if i saw a bit or saw another and had handled it, or if it was curiosity, but i recall asking to watch Alien (cant recall which one). Its possible i watched one that i handled and wanted to watch the first one, or again, just curiosity. anyway mom just asks to make sure, and i cant for sure if i was alone watching it, but what i recall is being really shaky after, like, growing really anxious in the night and being too afraid to sleep.

that night i slept in mom’s room, and agreed i should not watch ho/rror movie for now (and i believe i didnt try for years).

both of these to say: this illustrates that some things cannot be handled if your mind hasn’t reached enough maturity and also that it IS mature to back away from something you cant handle. mature also is different than adult, this is why we can see teens handle mature topics, but the fact is, minds mature with time and no matter if you feel, or genuinely are, a mature teen, your mind is still growing. there are mature topics, stories, discussions, etc; that you just cannot properly handle.

it is natural to feel distress when your mind cannot properly handle something, but it is immature to blame the content, because the mature thing is to back away. it is also a sign of a lack of maturity of your mind, if you cannot process the complexity of a topic and why people speak of it in different manners.

a lack of maturity is not being stupid. but intelligence and maturity are two different things. if you are intelligent, you should be able to understand you can still lack maturity.

chances are, if you think you are mature enough, and you arent, you’ll encounter topics you cant handle and lash out at the topic rather than pause and ask yourself if you were mature enough for it.

this is also why you’ll see mature people supposedly “not listen”. its not that we dont listen and defend “bad” things, its that we are mature enough to be able to dissect it, and we can see you aren’t mature enough. we arent “defending bad things”, we are trying to make you understand it’s about maturity.

when we say you can love a villain, for example, it means you are mature enough to appreciate a villain and still know they’re a villain and their acts are wrong

when we defend s/exual content and “problematic” content, its because we know the complexity of humanity and we are mature enough to differentiate fiction and reality, and the layers of them, and how they interact together, and how different people have different experiences reading fiction.

The whole reason fiction is often labelled with age as warning is that, in general, someone below that age is not mature enough to properly handle it. Some people of that age can, in fact, handle it, but not all. In the same manner, not every experience of something complex can be “good” or “bad”, because it is possible to have the people involve be mature enough to make it a good version of the experience.

However, the whole reason fiction is so, so important is that it is the only thing that exist where we are 100% safe and yet able to see, learn, experience, all sorts of things. If you need to understand a topic, especially to discover your own limits, you’re safe to do so through fictions, but you aren’t safe to do in real life. And because fan fictions are made by people who are everywhere, who are all kind of people, you will find a much larger range of experiences written.

As a final note: I don’t know how often you, we, hear it, but it is totally okay to feel repulsed by something, and it is totally okay to realize you aren’t mature enough to handle a topic or a specific way something is expressed, or just to admit to yourself that you aren’t as mature as you thought you were. Maturity is something that grows, and everyone has their own pace. Again, maturity is not intelligence, you aren’t stupid if you aren’t mature, and you will notice I’m not saying “immature”. I think, honestly, an act can be immature, but a person is never immature. You are mature, but your maturity evolves, so you are always mature at the level that you have achieve at any moment. Some people grow their maturity at faster rate, some need slower ones.

But I think I love this idea: an act can be immature, but a person is never immature, you will always be just as mature as your own evolution lead you to be. You are mature to a certain level, and you can be more mature with certain topics. And I feel that the first lesson in maturity for any given topic is when you learn not to react with immature actions for the each topic. You already are so, so mature when you are capable of not reacting with immature actions. You never have to “accept” something to be mature. Maturity is when you are able to recognize what you can handle, and what you cannot, and to be responsible for your own comfort.

To demand others to not create content that you can’t handle is an immature act. To avoid the content is a mature act, because you recognize others might need that content, and that the content is not meant to you directly. In fact, I dare say that in general, people who share content, create fiction, only ever aim it for those that can handle it, and expect people who can’t to avoid it.

Yes sometimes you can stumble on a content you can’t handle, but the mature reaction is to say “okay I can’t handle that” and just leave. Close the tab, change channel, stop the movie, close the book, ask for the subject to change if you’re speaking with someone or with people, etc.

#chrishere #Meta rambles #(not about a fandom but also about all fandom so)

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hpconsentfest · 6 years ago

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Consent Fest 2019: Anonymous Masterlist

Friends, after a month of marvellous art and fic that made us laugh, cry, and everything in between, here is the masterlist of this year’s submissions. Now is your chance to get caught up before reveals are posted on Sunday! Happy catching-up! <3

ART

Title: Who They Are Prompt: #15 Rating: G Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: genderqueer/nonbinary character, minor transphobia that is more unintended ignorance than anything else Summary: Draco’s always known who they are. They’ve just been waiting for someone to listen. Medium: Digital

Title: Something they don’t want to be afraid of Prompt: # 21 Rating: explicit Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Internalized Homophobia, unenjoyable sex in a flashback See full tagset on AO3 Summary: Draco struggles with his internalized homophobia and fears, even when he really wants something. Last time, it went ugly. And ugly won’t do. They have to try again. Find a way to make it better. Medium: digital art

Title: Coming loose Prompt: #80 Rating: E Pairing: None Warnings/Content Notes: Lots of very pornographic NSFW drawings, internalised acephobia, unenjoyable sex, bite and blood fetish. Summary: Pansy Parkinson has a lot of sex. Until she realises that it’s okay to not want to. Medium: Ink and marker on paper

Title: Human, Not Object Prompt: #23 Rating: Teen Warnings/Content Notes: Street harassment, cat calling, unsolicited touching, verbal harassment of a sexual nature, fighting back, defiant woman, powerful woman Summary: Fleur Delacour has endured harassment of all kinds from men from a young age. Growing up she’s told that’s “just what men do.” As a powerful woman learning to navigate the world she finds this mentality unacceptable and chooses to live her life defiantly. Medium: Digital

FIC

Title: One and Only Prompt: # 20 Rating: Explicit Pairing: Albus Severus Potter/Draco Malfoy Warnings/Content Notes: Bodyguard AU, Bodyguard!Draco, Minister for Magic!Harry Potter, Pansexual Albus Potter, Potions Accident, Forced Bonding, Sharing a Bed, Legilimency, Explicit Sexual Content, Masturbation, Frottage, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Bottom!Draco Malfoy, Age Difference, Implied/Reference Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Prostitution, References to Addiction, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, Eventual Consensual Relationship, Romance Summary: Draco always knew his downfall would be at the hands of a Potter.He just never realised which one. Word Count: 19.6k

Title: Blind Item #3 Prompt: #88 Rating: T Pairing: Albus Severus Potter/Scorpius Malfoy Warnings/Content Notes: tabloids, right to privacy, forced outing, homophobic slurs, rated T for swearing, british sixteen year old talking about sex, blink and you’ll miss it threat of sexual violence Summary: What’s the ssssecret doing the rounds in a certain common room? Rumour has it that the other snakes have been turning a blind eye to this burgeoning love affair, but what will the boys’ fathers say when they hear about it? Word Count: 7064

Title: A Touch Of Respect Prompt: #90 Rating: Teen Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Family Drama, Touch Phobia, Panic Attacks, Old Fashioned Parenting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Past Minor Character Death (Astoria), Past Ginny Weasley/Harry Potter, Child in Hospital Summary: Five year old Scorpius isn’t fond of people touching him, and he has a million reasons for it. However, his father is of the opinion that just saying ‘no’ should be enough without giving any of those reasons, but not everyone in his new-found family agrees. Word Count: 23.432

Title: The Words that Pass Between Us Prompt: # 28 Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: POV Draco Malfoy; Invasion of Privacy; Loss of Trust; Infidelity; Misogyny, Classism, Unredeemed Draco Malfoy, Verbal Abuse of a House Elf Summary: Sometimes, Draco draws pictures of what could have been, had he made all the right choices: Draco in the Slug Club; Draco holding the Quidditch World Cup; Draco holding hands with some nameless, faceless person whose become some sick, secret sort of friend. He’s on every page Draco has touched. He flies with him, sleeps with him, laughs with him. And sometimes, if he pretends hard enough, Draco swears he can feel this person’s breath against his neck; a whispered I love you that has him pressing into the mattress every night, only to wake up alone wishing it were real. Word Count: 10,047

Title: Capture the moment (Capture my heart) Prompt number: 24 Rating: Mature Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Asexual Draco Malfoy, Demisexuality, Queer Character, Brief mention (from previous encounter) of Mildly Dubious Consent, Photographs, Minor Luna Lovegood/Pansy Parkinson, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley Summary: Surrounded by photographs with just a cat to keep him company, Draco was left questioning his identity and what a new label would mean for his relationship with Harry. Word Count: 9,612

Title: Blood Will Out Prompt: # 87 Rating: T Pairing: Marietta Edgecombe/Pansy Parkinson Warnings/Content Notes: menstruation, PMS, endometriosis, heavy bleeding, cramps, intense period pain, Healers, doctors, hospitals, exams, critique of Healing and medical institutions, family secrets, memory modification, horrible parenting, blood status discourse, self-reflection redemption arcs See full tagset on AO3 Summary: Marietta Edgecombe doesn’t need re-education. She’s done nothing wrong. She just wants to keep her head down and keep her job. At least until Pansy Parkinson starts acting weird and a visit to the Healer suddenly brings the post-war conversation too close for comfort. Word Count: 21565

Title: This Year’s Love Prompt: Self-Prompt. H/D—how to navigate feelings for your best mate. Rating: Explicit Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: This story discusses complex topics such as slut-shaming, promiscuity, heartbreak, dating culture(s), and sexual autonomy within everyday life. See full tagset on AO3 Summary: This year’s love had better last, heaven knows it’s high time when you try to make lovers from friends. But Harry Potter realises time and time again that it’s simply not possible for him. And then along comes Draco Malfoy— the ultimate foe on the mend. Whatever will become of them? A story about love. Word Count: 84000

Title: All The Little Signs Add Up Prompt: # 49 Rating: Explicit Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Past domestic abuse, past child abuse Summary: Harry starts to notice some worrying signs in his relationship with Draco. He flinches when Harry moves too quickly, he thinks everything is going to be blamed on him, and he doesn’t think his own desires count. Harry, fresh from dealing with his own childhood PTSD, jumps to some conclusions. Some of them are right, some of them are way off. Word Count: 9624

Title: The Generation Who Lived Prompt: # 11 Rating: Explicit Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Journalist Draco Malfoy, Enemies to lovers, Past relationship, Getting back together, Minor Luna/Neville, Minor Ginny/Blaise, Interview format, Post second war with Voldemort, Enthusiastic consent, Rimming, Anal sex, POV Draco Malfoy Summary: In the months leading up to the 10th anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy writes a series of articles about famous war survivors.

So far, he’s managed to interview everyone he wanted.

Everyone…except his old nemesis, his one-time lover, and the elusive war hero who stubbornly refuses to be featured in Draco’s interview series, Harry Potter. Word Count: 14761

Title: Ron Weasley and the Clothes of Doom Prompt: #86 Rating: Explicit Pairing: Blaise Zabini/Ron Weasley Warnings/Content Notes: (I honestly don’t know) Summary: Do the clothes make the man?Ron Weasley thinks he has no chance, until one night when he dresses up and Blaise Zabini can’t take his eyes off him. The solution is easy, then, right? Ron just has to keep dressing up, and Blaise will keep wanting him. But every time Ron puts the new clothes on, he’s sent spiraling off into a past filled with insecurity. Will he really be able to keep this up without going completely bonkers? And what does Blaise actually want from him, anyway? Word Count: 32,872

Title: swallow your words Prompt: # 67 Rating: Explicit Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: No archive warnings apply Summary: The truth is, not many things are known about the magic that is behind soulmarks. They’ll turn up when they want and not before.

The truth is, you don’t get a choice in your soulmark. The truth is, not everyone is okay with that. Word Count: 9,140

Title: Long live the beautiful heart (who find love and tear it apart) Prompt: #46 Rating: GEN Pairing: Ginny Weasley/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Angst, Depression, Abusive relationship See full tagset on AO3 Summary: If Harry were someone else, someone who loves and understand books, someone like Hermione or Draco, he might think of a classical tragedy. He might section the whole catastrophe neatly into five acts and make sense of it that way. But he’s not, and so he doesn’t, and, anyway it’s just the beginning of the story yet. Word Count: 6630

Title: Safe Words Prompt: # 47 Rating: Explicit Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Consent, BDSM, Bondage, Whipping, Safe words, Safe Sane and Consensual, Kink, Family Drama, lots of book reading, Dirty Talk, Slapping, Kink Negotiation, Rough Sex, Accidental Bodily Harm, Remorse, Weasley Bashing, Molly Bashing, but please know it’s from Draco’s admittedly skewed perspective, In this house we love Molly Weasley to death even if our characters don’t always, Married couples are kinky too Summary: Draco discovers his husband has been keeping a secret from him. At first he’s amused. Then he’s curious.

The problem? Harry’s always had a hard time saying no. Word Count: 26,867

Title: They Talked Prompt: Self-prompt Rating: Teen Pairing: Ron & Draco (platonic) Warnings/Content Notes: none Summary: Is it ok if they talk? Draco isn’t sure, but it keeps happening. Word Count: 1094

Title: That’s Ace Prompt: Self-prompt Rating: Explicit Pairing: Charlie Weasley/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Asexual character, bisexual character, sex toys, non-penetrative sex, mutual masturbation, monogamy Summary: Charlie is asexual. Harry isn’t. They still find a way to satisfy both of their needs, however Word Count: 2080

Title: So sweet with that blood in your teeth Prompt: # 16 Rating: E Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Dom/Sub, Consent issues, vampires, sleep issues, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Mind manipulation, depression See full tagset on AO3 Summary: Harry works for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. His latest case his to stop a vampire uprising lead by none other than Draco Malfoy. Malfoy seems willing to negotiate with the Ministry. There’s just one small condition: Harry has to agree to be Malfoy’s dinner. Word Count: 25k

Title: Lily Luna, Unapologetic: The Things We Don’t Talk About (But Should) Prompt: #39 Rating: Hard T Pairing: None Warnings/Content Notes: Implied Dubcon/Noncon, Offscreen Dubcon/Noncon, Implied Violence (offscreen), Implied vs Explicit Consent, Consent Issues, Teaching Consent, Sex Education, Peer Pressure, Harry Potter Next Generation, Badass!Lily Luna, When Internet Meets Magic, Alternative format: magazine profile Summary: “Before I can get my first question out Lily asks me, ‘When was the first time someone gave you a sex talk?’I find myself telling her about overhearing my mom in my older sister’s room when she was home on hols from Hogwarts in her fourth year—I was 10 and had just received my letter. It was the year there had been a string of love potion ‘accidents’ and I could tell my mum was worried.

She nods and jots something down in her notebook. As I continue telling her about these memories, I wonder why I’m sharing all this information with Lily. Aren’t I the one supposed to be interviewing her?

‘That sounds awful,’ she commiserates, ‘but can I ask you one more thing?’ I nod, curiosity piqued by her tone. ‘When was the first time someone talked to you about consent?’” Word Count: ~8,000

Title: I See You In The Club Rating: E Pairing: Draco Malfoy/OMC Warnings/Content Notes: Sex club, Dom/sub play, Light Bondage, Age difference, Consent Issues, Dubious Consent due to Identity Issues, Ruminating on the Topic of Consent See full tagset on AO3 Summary: Draco, recently divorced (for the second time) is finally free to explore ‘other interests’. In particular, reconnecting with some long-put-aside desires to play with dominance. He’s not confident in what he’s doing, but he’s done his research, and surely this delectable young thing, kneeling in wait for him, can help?

'Hello,’ he says, and feels immediately stupid.

'Hello, Sir,’ Alex says, his voice low, barely above a whisper. Draco wonders if it’s an effort to sound sexy, or show submission, or if his throat is so well-fucked by others that he can no longer talk. He doesn’t even know if it matters. Word Count: 12909

Title: a note to the boy I love Prompt: # 81 Rating: E Pairing: Albus Severus Potter/Scorpius Malfoy Warnings: Underage See full tagset on AO3 Content Notes: epistolary, first person POV, established relationship, school romance, communication, consent, sexting except in letters because they are wizards, underage in that they are both seventeen (17), first time, loss of virginity (but that’s a social construct anyway), letter writing, dirty talk (sort of), vignettes, kissing, frottage, dry humping, oral sex, love confessions, boys in love Summary: Albus knows what he wants to do in bed with Scorpius, but struggles with actually talking about it. Scorpius’s solution? Writing letters. Word Count: 4,359

Title: Sex Ed for Witches and Wizards of All Ages Prompt: # 68 Rating: E Pairing: Multi-ship Warnings/Content Notes: Major Character Death, Underage, Explicit sexual content See full tagset on AO3 Summary: Draco and Astoria decide on their wedding night that they’re not going to raise their future children with the same outdated traditions they were raised with, especially relating to love and sex. They never could have predicted exactly how much that decision would change Scorpius’ life. Word Count: 76 732

Title: Curry & Wine Prompt: # 35 Rating: Mature Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Mentions of main character being pressured to have sex in the past Summary: Harry’s promised Draco their first proper date. What could be better than homemade curry, a little wine, a much-needed talk? Word Count: 1,651

Title: A pink tie, a box of condoms Prompt: 52 Rating: E Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: See tagset on AO3 Summary: It had been months since they’d last seen each other. And if Potter didn’t show up soon… Word Count: 1459

Title: Knights in Shining Armour (Ever After Lovers) Prompt #: 23 Rating: M Pairing: Bill Weasley/Fleur Delacour Warnings: No major archive warnings See tagset on AO3 Summary: Fleur has been objectified for most of her life, her bodily autonomy often dismissed. Being part Veela only makes matters worse. Word Count: 8.6 k

Title: The Way Your Heart Touches Mine Prompt: # 56 Rating: Explicit Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: N/A Summary: What does it mean when a certain someone gives you numerous gifts on ordinary days? Harry’s kind of sure (and mostly hoping) that Draco likes him. So why hasn’t Draco asked him out yet? Word Count: 3.9k

Title: Epoximise Prompt: #10 Rating: Explicit Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Consent Notes: Press and Tabloids, Dom/Sub Play, Sub Harry Potter, Dom Draco Malfoy, Sex Magic, Kink Spells, Coming on Demand, Dildos, Magic used as a Restraint, Panic Attacks, Discussion about Consent, Discussion about setting Ground Rules before Sexual Activity, Discussion about Safe Words, Sexual Triggers. Word count: 2487

Title: Forbidden Fruit Prompt: # 15 Rating: Teen Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Internalized Homophobia Summary: “To Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter had always been akin to forbidden fruit.” In which Harry comes out as genderqueer, and Draco envies his self-confidence. Word Count: 1,907

Title: Unconditional Prompt: #32 Rating: Teen and up Pairing: Albus Severus Potter/Scorpius Malfoy Warnings/Consent Notes: Anxiety, Boys in Love, First Boyfriend, First Kiss, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Feelings of Inadequacy in a relationship, Discussions of Pyschological and Emotional Manipulation, Relationship Discussions, non-consensual touching, Scorpius gives good advice, Mild Bigoted Language to describe Asexuality, Discussions about Healthy Relationships, Demisexual Albus Potter, Awakening Feelings of Desire, Eventual happy Ending. Word count: 7277

Title: Risks Worth Taking Prompt: 83 Rating: E Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Light BDSM, Dubious Consent, Mildly Dubious Consent See full tagset on AO3 Summary: Draco and Harry broke up 78 nights ago. Only a miracle (or perhaps an errant spell) could bring them back together. Word Count: 18,149

Title: Like The Sun Prompt: #78 Rating: T Pairing: Remus Lupin/Sirius Black Warnings/Content Notes: Unaware Veritaserum consumption See full tagset on AO3 Summary: Sirius wants a good laugh and when he comes across some Veritaserum, he decides slipping into Remus Lupin’s, the ever guarded werewolf, pumpkin juice will be a great way to start their day. Remus ends up revealing a bit more than Sirius had anticipated. Word Count: 4033

Title: (Never) Be Still My Beating Heart Prompt: Self-Prompt Rating: M Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Trauma, Violence, some blood, Vampires, Light Dubcon Parallels, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, further explanation of dubcon tag in A/N See full tagset on AO3 Summary: Post-War, Draco decides he’s done being comfortable. Which turns out to be quite convenient as he’s thrust headlong into a case involving a Serial Biting Vampire. Worst of all, Potter’s gotten himself involved. Draco thinks he can take it, so long as his heart doesn’t give out on him along the way. Word Count: 15595

Title: Working Out The Kinks Prompt: #18 Rating: E Pairing: Jeddy Warnings/Content Notes: Mild Dom/Sub Elements, Mild DubCon See full tagset on AO3 Summary:

There are three things James Sirius Potter is certain of:

One: He’s loved his boyfriend since he learned what romantic love was;

Two: There is nothing James wants more than said boyfriend to pound him into the mattress;

Three: His boyfriend, Teddy Lupin, can never find out about number two.

—or—

Four times James tried to pretend he wasn’t submissive and the one time he didn’t. Word Count: 6,247

Title: You Set My Soul Alight Prompt: #13 Rating: Explicit Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Warnings/Content Notes: Post-War, Auror partners, case fic, enemies to lovers, mystery, romance, adventure, pining, getting together, forced proximity, bed sharing, banter, UST, loss of virginity, first time, dub-con, consent issues, secrets, misunderstandings, miscommunication, sleep talking, frottage, rimming, face-sitting, intergluteal sex, anal sex, switching, blow jobs, fluff, angst, angst with a happy ending, references to suicidal thoughts, implied/referenced child abuse, references to depression, mental health issues, emotional hurt/comfort, minor character death, arguing, reconciliation, ewe Summary: Students are going missing at Hogwarts, but that’s not the only mystery Draco is determined to solve. Something’s going on with Potter. He can deny it all he wants. Draco is going to find out what it is. Unfortunately, trying to get to the bottom of it has some unexpected consequences and if Draco isn’t careful, he’s going to jeopardise their mission. Word Count: 54k

#masterlist

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golockhart · 6 years ago

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Is love losing its soul in the digital age?

by Firmin DeBrabander

A young couple posing for an Instagram photo. Roman Samborskyi/Shutterstock.com

Instagram users have taken to issuing “weekiversary posts,” where they diligently mark the duration of their romances. An article in The New York Times explained how weekiversary posts have the unintended – or very much intended – consequence of shaming people who are not in love.

The article also noted that this phenomenon makes some doubt the intensity of their own relationship. They wonder why their partners are not similarly starry-eyed and gushing online. Some even admitted that this phenomenon prompted them to stay in relationships longer than they should have: they go on celebrating their weekiversaries, just to keep up appearances.

In truth, this could apply to any of the social media platforms, where people increasingly feel the need to act their lives in real time in a public format, documenting every event and incident, no matter how remarkable or mundane.

As a philosopher researching the topic of privacy, I found myself thinking about the brave new culture of digital sharing.

What does it say about love, that many are compelled to live their romances aloud, in detailed fashion?

Why display your love?

On one hand, there is nothing new here. Most of us seek the approval of others – even before our own, sometimes. Others’ approval, or their envy, makes our joy sweeter.

Philosopher Jean Jacques Rousseau recognized something like this when he distinguished between “amour de soi” and “amour propre” – two different forms of self love. The former is love that is instinctual and not self-reflective. Rousseau sees it in presocial man, who is unconcerned with what other people think of him. Largely, he loves himself unconditionally, without judgment.

Society, which complicates our lives irredeemably, introduces amour propre. This is self-love mediated through the eyes and opinions of others. Amour propre, in Rousseau’s view, is deeply flawed. It is hollow, flimsy, if not downright fraudulent. The opinions and judgment of others change rapidly and do not make for a firm foundation for honest, enduring, confident self-love and any emotions related to or rooted in it.

This suggests an unflattering view of weekiversary posts. Are they just one’s way of satiating the need for amour propre – meeting the approval, and stoking the envy of online witnesses? Are they for one’s lover at all? Or, are they for public affirmation?

Curating our life stories

Is there a more positive way to make sense of weekiversary posts?

Social media is a way to give a narrative structure to our lives. Johnny Silvercloud/Flickr.com, CC BY-SA

Philosopher Paul Ricoeur argued that humans have an inherent need to view their lives in a narrative fashion. This is a prime way in which a person makes sense of his or her world.

Specifically, one aims to project a narrative structure onto life, and give it a beginning, a climax and, hopefully, a fitting conclusion. The individual also wishes to situate his life story within a greater narrative, be it social, historical or cosmic.

Social media, I believe, gives us newfound powers to curate the story of our lives, and if need be, change characters, dominant plot lines or background themes, how and when we like. In documenting everyday events and occurrences, we could even elevate them and lend them a degree of significance.

So, it might seem perfectly natural that people would like to narrate their budding romances.

I am now long and happily married, but I remember how first love is both exhilarating and confusing. It’s a mess of emotions to work out and understand. Among the many mixed messages issued by family, society and the media, it is often difficult to know how best to navigate romance and determine if you are doing things right – or if you have found “the one.”

In fact, I sought to get a handle on it all by writing down my many thoughts. This helped give me clarity. It objectified my thoughts – I literally projected them on paper before me, and could better understand which were more resonant, powerful and pressing.

Love and insecurity

Social media, on the other hand, is not designed for introspection or soul-searching: Posts must be relatively short, eye-catching and declarative. Twitter emissions only tolerate 280 characters.

Ambiguity has no place there. Social media isn’t the place to hash through a host of conflicting emotions. You are either in love, or you are not – and if you are in love, why declare it if it isn’t blissful?

As Facebook discovered, negative posts tend to lose followers – and many people want to keep up their viewership. The legal scholar Bernard Harcourt argues that social media sharing evokes the great American tradition of entrepreneurship. From this perspective, in issuing weekiversary posts, individuals are creating an identity and a story – they are generating a brand that they can market widely.

It’s hard to see how this phenomenon contributes to or makes for lasting and fulfilling relationships. If, for example, as Ricoeur says, social media effusions are an attempt to elevate the mundane, the simple, the everyday, and lend it special meaning, it begs the question: Why might one feel the need to do this repeatedly, persistently?

I would argue that it betrays an air of insecurity. After all, at some point, all the affirmation one needs should come from your lover.

True love

There is an understandable need for young lovers to pronounce their joy in public. But love, when it matures, does not live publicly.

Love is a largely private emotion. michael rababy/Flickr.com, CC BY-NC-ND

Loving couples are not necessarily easy to pick out in public. I think of my parents, and my in-laws, married for nearly 50 years. They can sit with each other in comfortable silence for long periods of time. They can also communicate with each other without saying a word.

Love is largely a private relationship, and demands intimacy. Only in intimacy does the inherent ambiguity or complexity of love emerge. Only in intimacy are you and your partner fully seen and known, with all your shortcomings or contradictions – and they are forgiven.

It is in these intimate moments that lovers learn to tolerate ambiguity, negotiate differences and endure.

About The Author:

Firmin DeBrabander is Professor of Philosophy at the Maryland Institute College of Art

This article is republished from our content partners at The Conversation under a Creative Commons license.

#thought #Digital Media #valentines day 2019

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enby-nyc · 2 years ago

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Finding a Safe Space: A Guide to Finding Transgender and Non-Binary Therapists

If you are a transgender or a non-binary person looking for a therapist, starting isn't always easy. Many therapists claim to be "trans-friendly," nonetheless, this fact by no means ensures that they are the optimal choice for you. It's essential to find a therapist who understands your needs and can provide you with the support you need. In today's post, we will discuss how to find a safe and supportive therapist who meets your needs.

What Is A Transgender And Non-Binary Therapy?

Transgender and Non-Binary Therapy is a specialized form of counseling that focuses on gender identity and expression. It offers support to individuals who self-identify as transgender, nonbinary, gender diverse or gender non-conforming, and their loved ones.

This unique type of therapy can provide a safe and accepting space for individuals to explore issues such as developing healthy risk management strategies, support through transitions such as changing names and pronouns, assistance with navigating relationships, helping individuals cope with stigma and oppression experienced in society, creating realistic tools for self-care, understanding the complexity of gender identity and expressions, assisting with mental health challenges presented by the stresses brought on by being nonbinary or transgender adults, etc.

Through this approach, those seeking therapeutic help can begin the process of exploring their whole selves' complex identities and challenging life experiences- while also feeling empowered to live authentically in both their communities as well as within themselves.

What Does A Transgender Or Non-Binary Therapist Do?

Transgender and non-binary therapists provide support to individuals navigating the challenging and often misunderstood territory of gender identity.

These therapists understand that while coming out can be a source of strength, it is oftentimes accompanied by judgment, fear, and anxiety. Through compassionate listening, customers feel secure in the environment they've made to explore their feelings and foster self-discovery to find their unique form of expression.

A transgender or non-binary therapist may prioritize offering advocacy services to help with the challenges associated with living authentically or even providing referral services to the medical world, such as hormone therapy resources or professional guidance in finding surgery options.

Additionally, there are many times when the client is simply looking for validation and belonging - in these moments, the therapist may focus on providing unconditional acceptance by emphasizing the client’s maturity as a person and honoring their autonomy as an individual.

Ultimately, transgender or non-binary therapists strive to uphold every individual's right to express themselves without judgment no matter what gender identity they choose.

What To Expect From Transgender And Non-Binary Therapy?

When looking for a transgender or non-binary therapist, someone will likely be open to talking about their experiences with gender identity, gender expression, or sexuality. It’s important to feel safe with your therapist, so make sure you ask questions about their approach before committing to work with them. A good transgender or non-binary therapist will be open to discussing their approach and experiences with gender identity, gender expression, and sexuality.

In transgender and non-binary therapy, you can expect to explore topics related to your experience of gender dysphoria or discomfort about social norms around gender roles. You can also expect to discuss the impact of society’s expectations of gender, how this affects your everyday life and relationships, and how to navigate the challenges that come up. Additionally, you can expect to discuss potential strategies for self-care, such as lifestyle changes or seeking out supportive communities.

In addition to talking about gender identity and expression issues, non-binary therapy may also explore topics related to mental health, such as depression and anxiety. The therapist will be able to create a safe space for you to talk about your emotions and experiences without fear of judgment. Together, you can explore ways to manage stressors, address any self-destructive behaviors or thoughts, and develop coping strategies that help you cope with difficult situations.

Above all, you can expect your therapist to provide respectful, non-judgmental support as you work toward your goals. Your therapist should be willing to explore topics at your own pace and tailor the therapy sessions to meet your needs. Ultimately, finding a safe space where you feel comfortable talking about issues related to your own gender identity or expression is essential to having a successful journey.

What Types Of Therapy Do Transgender And Non-Binary Therapists Offer?

Transgender and non-binary therapists offer a variety of therapeutic approaches.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is commonly used to treat anxiety and depression. This approach focuses on identifying unhealthy patterns of thought and behavior and replacing them with healthier ones.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) prioritizes helping individuals to accept and commit to their values. ACT promotes mindfulness, acceptance, and behavior change.

Family Systems Therapy

Family Systems Therapy works with families or couples to address issues in their relationship dynamics. The therapist will work with the family unit as a whole to improve communication, understanding, and conflict resolution.

Solution-Focused Therapy

Solution-Focused Therapy strives to help individuals identify and achieve their goals. In this approach, the therapist will work with the individual to identify what resources they have to overcome challenges and create meaningful change.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is another type of therapy that focuses on helping individuals manage difficult emotions. This approach combines cognitive behavioral techniques with mindfulness and acceptance strategies to help individuals build emotional regulation skills.

Trauma-focused CBT

Trauma-focused CBT is a type of therapy that helps individuals process and heal from trauma. This approach focuses on helping the individual identify triggers, develop healthier coping skills, and learn how to manage difficult emotions.

It is relevant to know that not all transgender and non-binary therapists employ the same strategies or provide the same kind of services. It is crucial to identify a therapist who is familiar with working with transgender and non-binary individuals and to ask questions about the type of therapy the facility provides.

Though methods can be adjusted to match the specific requirements of each client, they all aim to achieve the same thing: helping individuals identify and express their gender identity in a healthy and affirming way. Additionally, some therapists may specialize in providing gender-affirmative care or offering support to family members of gender-expansive youth.

At What Age Can I Have A Transgender And Nonbinary Therapy?

Many individuals begin to explore their gender identity at different ages. Although there is no set age at which one should have access to transgender and nonbinary therapy, there are some factors that can help you decide.

1. Are you currently questioning your gender identity?

2. Are you facing any issues or struggles that relate to your gender identity or sexual orientation?

3. Are you feeling overwhelmed or confused about how to navigate the current system of treatment and therapy around transgender identities?

If you answered "yes", then it may be time to seek out transgender and nonbinary therapy. A therapist can provide a safe space for you to express your identity without fear of judgment or invalidation. They can also help you find resources in your areas, such as support groups or medical professionals who specialize in gender-affirming care.

Moreover, young adults who are transitioning may benefit from transgender and nonbinary therapy to help them better understand their gender identity or build self-confidence as they transition. A therapist can provide a space for young adults to discuss and explore any difficulties, such as dealing with family members or finding supportive peers.

No matter what your age is, it’s important to find a therapist that specializes in working with transgender and nonbinary people. Through the therapeutic process, you will be able to find self-acceptance, gain insight into your identity, and build positive coping strategies for dealing with life’s hardships.

Things To Look For In A Transgender Or Non-Binary Therapist

When searching for a transgender or non-binary therapist, it is important to find one who is experienced in working with LGBTQ+ individuals and has an understanding of the unique experiences faced by members of the population. Look for therapists who have specialized training in areas such as gender identity, gender dysphoria, and trans healthcare needs. It is also important to find a therapist who is knowledgeable about the various resources available in your area that support the LGBTQ+ community.

It's also crucial to look for therapists who are affirming various gender identities and expressions. As part of this, look for signs that the therapist is familiar with pronoun usage (using correct pronouns when referring to a person), is knowledgeable about the unique needs of transgender persons, and is willing to provide support for any struggles faced due to gender identity.

It is also important to look for therapists who understand the particular mental health needs of transgender individuals and those within the non-binary spectrum, such as depression, anxiety, trauma, or family conflict. Look for therapists with specialized training in treating issues related to gender identity and expression, such as body image concerns or self-esteem issues.

When seeking out a transgender or non-binary therapist, it is important that you feel comfortable talking openly and honestly about your struggles and experiences. You should feel safe while communicating with your therapist, so it is important to find one who you can trust and who has the experience and understanding to provide the best possible care. You may even want to ask your potential therapist what their approach to working with transgender individuals is, or if they have any particular certifications or training in this field.

Finding the right therapist can make a huge difference in your mental health and overall well-being. Taking the time to find a knowledgeable therapist and the quality of care and assistance you receive depends on the provider's ability to appreciate the significance of your individual experiences. It is possible to establish a secure environment for oneself, one in which one may process, heal, and grow, provided that one has the correct therapist.

Ways On How To Find A Therapist Who Meets Your Needs

Finding a therapist that meets your needs can be tricky, especially if you identify as a transgender or non-binary person. It is essential to locate a person who is both skilled and experienced in dealing with individuals whose identities fall between these categories, so that you feel safe, comfortable, and heard during therapy sessions.

1. Do Your Research

Reach out to LGBTQ+ and other advocacy organizations in your area for recommendations on therapists who specialize in transgender and non-binary identities. You can also search online for “transgender therapist” or “non-binary therapist” plus the name of your city to get a list of local providers who may meet your needs.

2. Make a List

Make a list of all the potential therapists you come across in your search and after that, limit the list down to three or four practitioners who, based on their skill, experience, and values, seem to be the best fit for you.

3. Reach Out

Before making an appointment, contact each practitioner to ask about their qualifications, availability, and any questions you may have. Feel free to inquire if they’ve worked with transgender and non-binary clients before, or if they are comfortable using gender-neutral language during sessions.

4. Meet in Person

Once you’ve established which therapist is the best fit, schedule an initial consultation in person. This allows you to ask questions, assess their comfort level with your specific needs, and make sure you feel safe in their presence.

To get the most out of therapy, locate a therapist who supports non-binary and transgender identities. This will maximize your therapy time.

What Scopes Do Transgender And Nonbinary Therapists Focus On?

Transgender and nonbinary therapists are qualified to treat a wide variety of issues, just as any other mental health provider. These may include anxiety, depression, gender identity concerns, relationship issues, family difficulties, and coping with trauma or stress. They may also specialize in specific areas such as gender transition assistance, working through religious conflicts related to gender, or providing support for individuals who are newly coming out as trans or nonbinary.

The following is a more in-depth examination of some of the specific concerns that transgender and nonbinary therapists typically deal with:

• Gender Dysphoria/Confusion: Transitioning, exploring gender identity, coping with discomfort due to lack of understanding or acceptance from family and friends.

• Stress Management: Dealing with discrimination, navigating healthcare systems, negotiating relationships as your true self, and finding ways to cope with the additional stress that can come with being transgender or nonbinary.

• Body Image and Self-Esteem: Building a positive relationship with one’s body, coming to terms with physical changes associated with gender transition, and dealing with discrimination related to appearance.

• Relationship Issues: Learning how to express yourself in intimate or platonic relationships, and coming to terms with changes in existing relationships due to transitioning.

• Family Conflicts: Dealing with parental reactions and familial acceptance related to gender identity.

• Mental Health Concerns: Anxiety, depression, OCD, self-injury, suicidal ideation, and other mental health issues are common among transgender and nonbinary individuals, and experienced therapists can help.

• Sexual Orientation: Exploring one’s sexual orientation, negotiating coming out as trans or nonbinary in existing relationships.

By finding a therapist who is knowledgeable and supportive of transgender and nonbinary individuals, you can feel safe to discuss these issues without fear of judgment or misunderstanding. A good therapist will provide an open and affirming space for you to work on your issues and achieve better mental health.

Different Questions To Ask Potential Therapists

When looking for a transgender or nonbinary therapist, it is crucial to ask questions that will assist you in determining whether or not this individual is the best person for you to collaborate with. Here are some suggested questions to ask:

- What experience do you have working with transgender and nonbinary clients?

- How do you define gender identity?

- How do you approach gender transition with your clients?

- Are there any other services that you offer?

- What is the nature of the feedback or support that you provide for your clients?

These questions can help identify a therapist’s qualifications and competency in working with transgender and nonbinary individuals. Additionally, asking about the therapist’s fees and insurance policies can help to ensure that the provider is a good fit for your needs.

The Importance Of Finding A Safe And Supportive Therapist

Finding a safe and supportive therapist is an important step for anyone, but especially for transgender and non-binary individuals. When seeking therapy, it's hard to know where to start or who to trust. Unfortunately, not all therapists are equipped with the knowledge necessary to provide culturally competent care to trans and non-binary individuals.

Because of this, it is really essential to look for a therapist who understands and can provide the best care for those struggling with issues related to gender identity exploration.

Here are the benefits of finding a therapist who specializes in trans and non-binary services:

1. Increased Comfort

A transgender or non-binary-focused therapist is often better equipped to understand the unique challenges faced by these individuals, making it easier for them to feel comfortable discussing their issues with their therapist.

2. Improved Communication

The ability to communicate more effectively is one of the most significant advantages of seeing a therapist who specializes in transgender and non-binary concerns. It is more likely that this kind of therapist will empathize with your experiences and be able to give sound advice when you consult with them.

3. More Knowledge

A knowledgeable transgender or non-binary-focused therapist is well-versed in the laws, health care, and other resources available to the trans and non-binary community. This can make it easier for you to access the services that you need.

4. Improved Understanding

A therapist who specializes in trans and non-binary issues will be able to provide a better understanding of gender identity, expression, and orientation. This increased knowledge can help create an atmosphere of acceptance and understanding.

Don’t be afraid to ask how long they’ve been treating trans and non-binary clients, what kind of education they have on the subject, or if they have any experience with gender-affirming care.

Remember that your mental health is important!

Things To Do After Your Transgender Therapy

After your transgender therapy, it is important to continue taking care of yourself and to practice self-care. Here are a few ideas for continuing the work you did in therapy:

1. Make sure to keep up with any paperwork or treatment plans that were discussed in the session. This may include recommendations for further counseling, medical care, or medications.

2. Reach out to support groups and transgender organizations in your area for additional resources, events, or simply companionship during the transition process.

3. If you are able to do so with ease, you should get started on the process of changing your name or the gender marker that appears on official papers such as passports, driver's licenses, and Social Security cards.

4. Stay active in therapy or seek out other forms of mental health care if needed. This could include counseling, support groups, or psychiatrist appointments.

5. Most importantly, be gentle and kind to yourself during this process. Acceptance is a marathon, not a sprint, so take your time and practice self-love every step of the way.

Websites That Can Help You Better Understand Gender Identity

When exploring gender identity, it can be helpful to find resources that teach you more about the different non-binary identities and transgender experiences. These are websites that can be visited to obtain information on issues of gender identity:

1. The Transgender Law Center is an organization dedicated to advancing justice for transgender and gender-nonconforming people in all areas of life. The website includes a comprehensive guide to terminology related to gender identity, as well as information on legal resources and advocacy efforts.

2. The Human Rights Campaign is the largest organization advocating for LGBTQ equality in the U.S., and provides a plethora of data on topics like sexual orientation and gender identity.

3. GLAAD is an organization that works to promote understanding and acceptance of LGBTQ people through media advocacy. They provide resources for individuals, families, and allies on their website, including a section dedicated to gender identity and expression.

4. The National Center for Transgender Equality offers educational materials about transgender identities and experiences, as well as policy, advocacy, activism, and support.

Online Community Support For LGBTQI+ Individuals

While finding a transgender or non-binary therapist can be difficult, many online communities provide support and advice to LGBTQI+ individuals. These include support groups, forums, and other social networks. Online communities can be great resources for connecting with peers who share similar experiences and can offer insight into what to expect from therapy with a transgender or non-binary therapist. Additionally, online communities may also provide useful resources for finding therapists in your area who are experienced with LGBTQI+ issues.

1. Trans Lifeline is an online community offering peer support services, resources, and referrals to therapists, as well as crisis intervention services. It is a great resource for those seeking a supportive community and guidance on how to navigate mental health services from a transgender-affirming perspective.

2. TransEquality is an online support hub designed to help trans people find therapist referrals in their area who has a specialty to assist customers who do not correspond to a predetermined gender identity. It also provides other resources such as hotlines, legal advocacy, and educational materials.

3. The Center for Gender Sanity is an online community that offers resources, referrals, and support to transgender and gender non-conforming individuals. It also provides information on trans health, advocacy, legal issues, and other helpful topics.

This is not all; there are many more online communities available that provide support and resources to LGBTQI+ individuals. We encourage you to do your research and find the community that fits you best.

Books And Resources About Gender Identity

Gender Creative Child by Diane Ehrensaft, Ph.D.

This is an excellent resource to understand the development of gender identity in children. Written from a mental health and developmental perspective, this book offers guidance on how to help young people of all ages live openly and confidently as their true selves.

The Transgender Child by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper

It is an award-winning book that helps readers understand the unique challenges faced by transgender children and their families, as well as strategies to provide them with love, support, understanding, and acceptance. This book also provides a comprehensive overview of gender identity, gender expression, transitioning and legal protections.

The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill

It is a comprehensive guide to understanding the unique challenges faced by transgender and non-binary teens. The book provides valuable information about gender identity, coming out, medical care, transition support, and more.

The Gender Quest Workbook by Rylan Jay Testa, Ph.D., Deborah Coolhart, Ph.D., and Jayme Peta

The Gender Quest Workbook is a workbook designed to help individuals ages 13-23 explore gender identity in a safe, affirming way. This workbook offers activities, reflection questions, and resources to help individuals identify their gender identity and expression.

Tips For A Successful Transgender And Nonbinary Therapy Experience

1. Be open

When starting your search for a transgender or nonbinary therapist, it is critical to communicate your identity in a clear and forthright manner. This will help you find the best fit for your needs.

2. Look for credentials

Make sure that the individual has the appropriate education, experience, and certifications to establish that they are knowledgeable in the area of transgender or nonbinary concerns. You should also look for information about their experience working with clients of similar backgrounds as you.

3. Connect with your therapist

It is important to establish a connection with your therapist before beginning any kind of therapy session. Make sure they are someone you feel comfortable talking to and that they understand the unique aspects of your identity and experience.

4. Speak up!

Your therapist should be open to hearing your needs and concerns. If something doesn’t feel right or you don’t agree with their approach, be sure to voice your opinion. Both of you need to create a safe, open space to receive the best care possible.

Frequently Asked Questions

What Comprises Gender Expansive Youth?

People who are part of the gender-expansive youth have gender identities or expression that does not fit conventional gender norms. This may include people who identify as transgender, gender non-binary, genderqueer, agender, and more. It also includes those who are questioning their gender identity or exploring different genders.

Should My Therapist Have A Degree In Counseling Psychology?

Consult with a therapist who has training in counseling psychology or a closely related subject, such as social work or clinical psychology. This ensures that your therapist is equipped with the skills and knowledge to provide effective therapy for gender-expansive individuals. Furthermore, many states require a degree for licensure, so check your state’s requirements if you are interested in seeking out a therapist who is licensed.

Final Thoughts

It might be challenging to find a therapist who is informed about transgender concerns and identities, but it is well worth the effort. It is essential to choose a person with whom you can easily communicate, who is familiar with the specifics of your circumstance, and who is willing to assist you in your journey. With the right support system in place, you can move forward with confidence on your path toward self-acceptance.

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sarazanmai · 6 years ago

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Stuff I loved in 2018.

Its that time again. The end of a year and a look back on all the stuff I enjoyed. Honestly I almost wasn’t going to write this because I feel these posts are a lot of effort with very little reward, but there was a lot I experienced this year that I think was interesting and worth sharing. So let’s go.

Roger Ebert once said “artistry can redeem any subject matter”. While I’m not sure any subject matter can be salvaged through an artistic eye, it can certainly help. If someone approaches a certain material with a clear vision and purpose to what they do they can create something truly fascinating. The Monogatari series is a very strange one. Its told in a non chronological order, there’s characters who say they’re one thing and reveal themselves to be something else, there’s a lot of references to other anime, the visual style changes sometimes radically, its incredibly meta, some moments of fanservice have a deeper meaning to them while others not so much. Me personally I think the series goes through periods of being brilliant as well as periods where it just is not up to the same standard as before. That said I kind of like that, I like that you go through so many different moods and style shifts. Not everyone will like that, some will get frustrated with the weaker seasons, but for me I think it all comes together and really made for something I won’t forget. I watched the entire series within a week and then later in the year I rewatched it all barring “Koyomimonogatari” which is one of those weaker seasons in my opinion. Despite its bulk, despite its tendencies, the Monogatari series just kept me hooked.

There comes a time where we all must accept certain truths. One of them is a lot of you don’t really understand mecha. I still see all of these reviews and comments claiming that mecha before “Evangelion” were all just light fluffy Saturday morning cartoon fare with little substance. This could not be further from the truth. The Gundam franchise from the very beginning was serving what I am going to refer to as a human element. It was not this soulless creation who’s only goal was to sell model kits. Whether it was Amuro’s PTSD from piloting the Gundam or Kamille and his tragic romance with Four or Char’s true motives during the original series there was always more going on than just giant robots shooting things. This isn’t even taking into consideration other installments like “War in the Pocket” where its a story of war from the point of view of a child and soldier. I have not watched every Gundam anime, I am sure there are some that were just there to exist as another installment in the franchise and didn’t necessarily push the franchise or genre into new areas. But what I have seen in “Mobile Suit Gundam”, “Zeta Gundam” “War in the Pocket”, “Unicorn”, “Iron Blooded Orphans”, and even the polarizing “ZZ Gundam” which I admittedly dropped were all very interesting and very unique experiences. Tomino really hit on something when he created the series and now we’ve come so far that we have a franchise so massive and large it needs an entire wikipedia article devoted to its cultural impact.

Once again, mecha that came before “Evangelion” were still displaying that human element many critics are convinced wasn’t there. In “Macross” its very prominent to the point where it feels like a driving force to the entire show as well as its film “Do You Remember Love”. We spend as much time with the characters and their developing relationships as we do with the mecha battles. The emphasis on music and culture as something that can create a change in the world is one of the themes synonymous with the franchise. While there certainly were times in the show where it leaned a bit into a comical area, I didn’t mind this. It was a show aimed at a younger audience and was trying to communicate these themes on their level so at times things can be a bit silly, but I appreciate what is being said so much that it does not feel like an issue. The heart is still there, the human element is still there. And more complex and serious sub plots are there too. Regardless when it comes to the film “Do You Remember Love” and the OVA “Macross Plus” things were certainly approached with a more mature voice, bringing the franchise to new places. I watched this prior to any Gundam anime in an attempt to get a better feel for the mecha genre. I wanted to expand my tastes and I’m very happy I did because not only did I love this I also want to really explore the genre now more than ever.

With the release of “Lupin III Part 5″ this year I was really turned onto that franchise. I ended up getting this massive itch to explore it when that anime wrapped and while not everything I found was a masterpiece it was a worthwhile endeavor. There’s something to Lupin the character and the series at large that manages to be both fun while also evoking a sense of coolness in spite of his goofiness. It was interesting to go through the various TV series and the movies and some specials and get a sense for how its evolved through time. Rewatching “The Castle of Cagliostro” I really enjoyed it a lot and other installments like “The Fuma Conspiracy” and “The Hemingway Paper Mystery” were hugely entertaining. I really liked “Lupin III part 4″ and “The Woman Called Fujiko Mine” too and the original “Lupin III” anime. I can still hear that voice singing “Lupin...he’s a nice man...but he’s cool...”. And objectively speaking green jacket is best jacket. I feel like this is a series that has undergone so much evolution through the various people that came in to work on it that there’s bound to be something that appeals to somebody. You just have to find it.

I spent a lot of time ignoring “Gintama” and its a bit of a shame that I did because this is a really fun series. Despite how long it is I really didn’t feel like it took me a terribly long time to finish it. And even though its goal is more on the comedic side of things, the series surprised me with how strong of an emotional punch it can provide. The cast of characters is one of the most likeable and fun that I’ve seen in a while and the seiyuu cast was very impressive. Everyone plays their character well and I get the sense they really enjoy working on it. Akira Ishida in particular seemed to really get a kick out of playing someone as ridiculous as Katsura when so many of his other roles lean more serious. And of coarse everyone loves Tomokazu Sugita as Gin. His voice just feels so right for a character like this and it was great having him for something this big when in other anime I’ve seen him in he’s only around for so long. I’ve also got to give the series credit for its female characters. There’s a really sturdy amount and they’re all occupying their own place in this world with distinct identities. This is something that makes this world feel more alive and expansive. Kagura is a character I need to applaud for the fact that she wasn’t there for some sort of lolicon fanservice or to have a really awkward crush on Gin or Shinpachi. No she just cares about food and her dog. What a queen. Speaking of Shinpachi he was the MVP of this series, good boy. And there’s our Shinsengumi boys and of coarse Gin himself, so many great characters. I am sure a lot of people look at how much there is to “Gintama” and get nervous at the size of it, but there’s really no need to. When it clicks with you then there’s no putting it down.

“Showa Genroku Rakugo Shinju” might be one of the greatest anime in recent years. It takes you through so many periods in this man’s life and the people around him and manages to hold you the entire way. Once again Akira Ishida is someone I need to give major credit to. He’s a very talented seiyuu and in this anime his performance was so impressive I was almost beside myself. Given the performance style the series is built around the cast all needed to be really great at reciting these stories and articulating them. And for the scenes where the characters are not on stage, when the interpersonal drama comes out, everything just hits in such a powerful way. I can’t remember how often I cried during this anime, but it never felt like I was being manipulated. It all felt as if it came through organically and easily. Even more subtle scenes like a character finding out he’s having a child hit on just the right emotions. If you are in the mood for a fantastic character driven drama this is absolutely one I’d recommend.

Speaking of character driven drama “Sangatsu no Lion” is another one to tune into. It initially presents itself as a very intense and dark story, but as the viewer stays involved you find that this is not about wallowing in self loathing but healing. The family that has taken this very troubled young man in and helped him navigate through his mental illness is so likeable and endearing. You find yourself wanting to see him get better and hope that these girls, as well as the other shogi players, find happiness for themselves too. Its not always simple though. There are ups and downs to the characters and their arcs, but it never feels bitter or angry. It feels like reality. Over the coarse of its two seasons it manages to do what so many other shows about a character with depression fail to do. It never feels exploitative or like it has no sense of how to handle such a topic nor does it feel hopeless. As difficult as things in Rei’s life can become you know deep down this isn’t the end of the line, things can get better. It also does a very good job at holding your attention whether you understand the intricacies of shogi or not. You’re told what feels like the essential basic rules to the game and you aren’t thrown into a state of culture shock if you’ve never looked into the game before. I feel like what we have here is a modern masterpiece and more people have been watching it and celebrating it as a great achievement and that makes me so happy.

“Galaxy Express 999″, pronounced “three nine” because why not, is quite the space opera. I watched every episode of the original TV series as well as the two films directed by Rintaro and while they have some flaws or areas that did not age well, they’ve remained famous for a reason. The TV series did a really great job at pulling at your emotions and showing you different worlds. Some felt similar to others, but then there’s so much creativity in other areas. The concept of a space train was inspired by the popular Japanese children’s book “Night on the Galactic Railroad”, which would receive its own anime adaptation, and what Leiji Matsumoto did with this inspiration ended up taking on an identity all its own. You really feel for this bond between Tetsuro and Maetel. You spend so much time wondering just who Maetel is and what her goal in all of this could be. She’s kept just vague enough where I feel we were told all that we needed to. Tetsuro is someone I’ve seen reviewers describe as a little frustrating due to his naivete, but he’s a child. It makes complete sense for him to place his trust in the wrong person or make a mistake like he does. Masako Nozawa, the future voice of Goku and all his male relatives barring Raditz, voiced Tetsuro and I think she really brought a strong likeability to the character. We feel for him and also have a lot of fun seeing him travel through space. Its hard to say what version is stronger, I’d argue the show but know its not easy to recommend something that hefty. Whether someone watches the films or the show or both I think they’re still getting something great out of it.

And they say you can’t sum up a show in one image. So “Madoka Magica” what are we to do about you? Its kind of hard to explain, but I rather purposefully chose not to watch it for this long. Mostly because I was tired of the hype and the fandom basically pulling an “Evangelion” and acting like no magical girl anime or manga prior to this served emotions. But its presence never really died, this anime is almost a decade old now and people still care. And while I don’t regret not tuning in while it was running, I am very happy to have experienced it on my own terms. It gave me one of my new favorite characters with Homura, its visually stunning and marvelously directed. the music is so enchanting, and the story really is good. I think the show from start to end was a great watch and really kept me going and the bittersweet nature of it did work for me. As far as the movies go I did watch “Rebellion” and while I think its good it does complicate what the message to the series is in my opinion. Either way its just the same as “End of Evangelion” where I don’t see it as canon. I think the big question a lot of people have is if this lives up to the hype and I’m not totally sure how to answer that, but it is an anime worth your time all the same.

This will be easy. I have a review already written out for “Slam Dunk” so if you want my more expanded thoughts there you go. This really is a fantastic anime.

Last year I watched the movie “A Silent Voice”, but failed to put it in my year end review out of pure laziness. I am not making that same mistake again. “In This Corner of the World” is a film I am very grateful to have seen. Its a very interesting take on a WWII story. Not that we haven’t had movies about the war from the perspective of a civilian before, but there is something to the way its approached through our protagonist that feels especially powerful. She experiences so much during those years and tries her best to keep living with keeping her family alive as her main motivation and eventually is met with tragedy. Its produced by a studio called Mappa who’ve gained a lot of attention for “Yuri on Ice” and this year’s “Banana Fish. I did not like those anime very much, but I really loved this film and have to applaud them for trying different types of stories. I hope the projects they have lined up for 2019 are as enjoyable as this. I’ve heard the director has an interest in releasing an extended cut and if that happens I’ll be very interesting in seeing what it offers.

Again I will not make the same mistake twice. “A Silent Voice” was directed by a woman named Naoko Yamada. She also directed “K-On” and “Tamako Market”, two series that made it on my post for last year. She has an incredible talent and in my opinion is the director in anime to watch. After the success of “A Silent Voice” a lot of people wanted to see where she would go and what she gave us is nothing short of amazing. “Liz and the Blue Bird” is a film more people need to pay attention to. Those who’ve seen it adore it, fans have given it very high scores and glowing reviews. But I think this movie needs even more attention beyond that because compared to movies like “Doukyuusei” this feels like it made a smaller splash in the community. Yamada’s approach to love and drama is so effective without being forceful, you really feel for these girls and the longing between them. Yamada is a director who cares deeply for respecting the emotions of her characters which is why she has successfully created so many famous emotional scenes without them feeling melodramatic or feeling staged. This is especially clear with this film where she manages to communicate everything we need to know, but in very few spoken words. And the animation as one expects from a Kyoani project is just lovely. It also manages to work very strongly with its blue toned color palette. So many people make these blue toned movies look dreary, but not here. Things still have a brightness to them and even a warmth. I feel very lucky I was able to see this movie this year when so many anime films take so long to be made available elsewhere. When it reaches the US on bluray I am definitely buying it.

When it comes to the seasonal TV anime for the year, this was my favorite.”Sora yori mo Tooi Basho“ or “A Place Further than the Universe” is a very interesting installment in the “cute girls do blank” genre of anime. Here its cute girls go to the arctic. It sounds like a weird premise to a show, but when you see it put into practice its impressive how much you feel invested in these girls and what they’re doing. Its directed by a woman named Atsuko Ishizuka who was once identified as one of the great talents at the famed studio Madhouse. I think, like Yamada, she manages to work within these character heavy stories while avoiding any unnecessary melodrama. A lesser director would have made some scenes so cheesy or so over the top sad and that can take you right out of the experience. At first I was unsure of how big of a hit this anime would be given how many huge shows came out this year, but its managed to top the bluray sales in Japan for quite a while now. I feel really happy it became such a success. People say the cute girl sub genre is played out and that if you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all, that is not true. Sometimes you need a talented director, an off the cuff premise, and you can get something fresh out of a genre that sometimes over saturates the market.

“Pop Team Epic” is an anime the like of which we’ve never seen before. And we will never get it again. A lot of people have said that in order to understand or get the jokes you have to know what it is they’re parodying and that really is not true. This isn’t referential humor like in “Gintama” where the impact of the joke relies on you knowing that material. If you don’t know "Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure” you won’t get it when Gin references Joseph and Caesar’s training with Lisa Lisa. Here the approach to the comedy is so surreal that if you don’t know the reference it just registers as a bizarre thing they did. Sure I know they referenced things like “Hikaru no Go”, but someone who doesn’t would just think its “Pop Team Epic” being weird again. And if you do know what they’re referencing then you know the layers to the joke. The anime is also in a lot of ways very visually strong to the point of being almost avant-garde. It was expensive and time consuming to make even if people don’t realize it. All of these different animation styles, the mixed media approach to certain scenes. They even brought in Miyo Sato, the woman who does the paint on glass animation for “Mob Psycho 100″, to work on the show for a few segments. To a lot of people this show was a meme, but in a lot of ways I think it was doing more than that. We’re not going to get another season or anything out of it, but I’m happy something this strange was able to exist and grab hold of such a large scale audience.

I have an in depth analytical review out for "Berserk”, if you would like to read such a thing there it is. However it does contain spoilers. My unspoiled and condensed opinions are that its fantastic, with gorgeous art, well developed and amazing characters, and tons of soul. Its very intense and not exactly for everyone, but its definitely a masterpiece. Unfortunately it also has a very foul fandom which turned me off reading it for years. I genuinely expected my review to garner a lot of negative feedback given how this fandom is, to my surprise this never happened though. If you can remove the toxic fandom from the equation, which is surprisingly easy to do, then you’re golden. Also this is a romantic manga and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise because they’re cowards.

“Golden Kamuy” is fantastic as a manga. I watched the anime too, but I feel like that works best treated like a companion piece to the manga. I’ve best described the plot as “One Piece” meets “Silence of the Lambs”. This is also something that probably comes closest to evoking the same kind of strangeness that “Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure” has. The best way I can put it is that characters will say things that are weird, but nobody acts like they’re weird. There is also a lot of information fed to the reader about aspects of the Ainu culture and hunting and weaponry. At first it feels as if you’re being given a lot of information on topics that aren’t going to be important, but they end up having more significance than you realize. The same applies to the characters. I was surprised at how many characters I expected to be left behind were made relevant later on. And they’re memorable. Sugimoto, Asirpa, Shiraishi, Ogata, Tsurumi, Tanigaki, even that little girl Osoma was memorable. One thing the story really excels at is how you have a large amount of characters chasing the same prize, but with their own reasons. Nobody loses sight of their own motivation, some we still haven’t learned their true gain in all of this, and we see how this effects the flow of the plot. For such a large cast this would under a different writer feel very cluttered, but not here. And visually the manga looks amazing. Noda’s art is a little odd at first, but when you really look at it he’s got a lot of talent. Everyone looks distinct, the backgrounds look great, the animals look good (we’re not gonna discuss the anime’s CGI). If I had to recommend just one I’d say the manga as the anime does skip material, some due to networks being incapable of showing such things others honestly feel skipped because they wanted to streamline the plot at the expense of characterization and world building. I do still recommend taking in both as this sort of bundle deal though because the anime really is entertaining and has such a strong seiyuu cast it would be a shame to pass it by completely.

Takehiko Inoue is an absolute master at this stage in his career. In an interview with Akira Toriyama he was called someone with a real sense for manga and its amazing to see how he went from “Slam Dunk,” where he had not yet drawn a bare foot, to something like “Vagabond”. The art in this manga is deserving of all the praise it gets, its so detailed that it just leaves you stunned. The story also shows just how on point he is as a writer. I’m sure through the many movies and shows about Musashi Miyamoto a lot of Japanese audiences have a certain way they tend to view him and then here comes Inoue offering a different approach to the man. One where he is still working towards an enlightened state and trying to reign in an animalistic rage. Working in themes of being the strongest under the sun, what it means to live for the sword, how these choices effect the people left behind, its really fascinating stuff. There’s even an entire long stretch of chapters where we break away entirely from Musashi to focus on a young Kojiro and his adoptive father, its a very sudden break away yet it doesn’t feel random or jarring. I think because Inoue knows how to craft compelling characters so effortlessly it made that shift in focus work as well as it did. Its one of the most successful manga in terms of sales and with good reason, its a masterpiece. This is one of those manga that currently is on an indefinite hiatus and I can only hope Inoue is able to finish it. And if for whatever reason he can’t then at least we can say we got what we got.

Behold your new shonen king! Not Izuku, not Hinata. Open your arms for the next great shonen! “Dr. Stone” is a manga that at the moment doesn’t have the largest of audiences, but everyone I know who’s read it absolutely loves it. And with the anime being released next year I can only hope that will be the push that people need to experience it. The story is focused very heavily on innovation and discovery which feels so fresh compared to a lot of things Weekly Shonen Jump has been producing as of late. And the level to which things have been thought out really impresses me. In recent chapters it was revealed that in that period of time humanity was petrified the terrain has changed drastically and the maps from the past are now worthless. So that means finding a way to survey the land and get a better sense of the world. Its so exciting to read this sort of thing. And the characters are so fun. Senku is a very interesting character to place at the center of this story. He’s a genius and approaches things as logically as possible, sometimes he can be a jerk and self serving, but he’s always going to do what he can to further civilization because he just loves science that much. Chrome is a really funny character to bounce off of him. We recently were introduced to a new member of the cast that has great potential. I like Asagiri. Its written by the same mangaka behind “Eyeshield 21″ and while I have not read that I can say through this manga that he’s really got a great sense of story telling. I also really like Boichi’s art, he pulls out some hilarious extreme faces and also some really dynamic scenes. Next summer can’t come fast enough because I am so hyped and ready for this anime to start.

“Kimetsu no Yaiba” is another manga that will be getting an anime next year and I am extremely excited. If I had to compare it to anything I would honestly say its like if “Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood” and “Hunter x Hunter” got crossbred. Its mangaka Koyoharu Gotouge really feels very influenced by Yoshihiro Togashi in both her writing as well as some of her character designs. Togashi actually said this manga along with “Dr. Stone” is one of the ones in recent years to read which I’m sure made her thrilled to hear. I feel like this is something that does a lot of the things people generally want to see in anime and manga. You have a strong sibling dynamic at the center of the story (and it isn’t one of those relationships), there’s female characters that are involved with the action and its treated like a real fight, there’s themes of family that are always really endearing, aesthetically its very beautiful while still being able to pull off a more intense body horror style moment, fanservice aside from a couple moments is at a minimum, and it is also very funny. There’s a lot of personality to our main characters as well as the Pillars that we have gotten to know and it doesn’t feel crowded. She knows when to use a character and when to keep them out of a certain arc. She also has a lot of respect towards Nezuko who I feel another writer would have shoved aside in favor of her brother. But Nezuko is shown to still retain her autonomy in spite of her predicament, she fights and is sometimes vital to defeating a demon, and the more recent events in the story show a lot of potential for furthering her as a character. The anime is to be released for the spring and its made by Ufotable, based on the PV we have at the moment this show will definitely be gorgeous. I am very excited for what they’ve done with this material and I can only hope other people will be watching too because I do not want this to be a series people sleep on.

“Revolutionary Girl Utena” is a masterpiece. I have frankly a really complicated opinion of Kunihiko Ikuhara. A lot of people think he can do no wrong, I am not one of them. There’s things that happened with “Sailor Moon” that I know weren’t his fault, but there’s also things that happened during S where he had the most control over the project that still bother me. I can never know for sure if these were his ideas or things Toei forced onto him as he did leave the show because of a lack of freedom to do what he wanted, but that said when he really commits to a project he can produce something amazing. He has said many things over the years regarding Utena and a big takeaway from them is that he does not want to tell us what to feel, he wants us to decide for ourselves. I think what Utena fundamentally is about is deconstructing romantic tropes, analyzing chivalry, and the lies men tell women. The series gets more complex and symbolic as it progresses until we get to the movie “Adolescence of Utena” where its refusing to hold your hand any step of the way. Unlike with “End of Evangelion” or “Madoka Rebellion” the “Adolescence” movie is not an attempt at a different ending, but more of an alternative retelling of the story. Its a pure visual masterpiece and a movie that I honestly think deserves to be seen with or without the TV show. That said I would strongly recommend both of them as not only is it one of the greatest shojo ever, it is also Ikuhara at his finest. Moo.

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whitewolfofwinterfell · 6 years ago

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Please spill tea on Rachel/Joey as a romantic ship since I know you're with me on being one of the few who still ships Ross/Rachel!

This is a very strange ask for me to receive, since I’ve spoken about my like for Joey and Rachel as a romantic pairing in the past, even above Ross and Rachel (you may not have seen it because I tend to just rant in the tags of my posts haha, but you can see some of the things I’ve said in my Rachel/Joey tag here). Having said that, it is a topic that I go back and forth with because I see the positives of both ships and I like both for different reasons. However, this may go in a different direction than you expected since I do really like Joey and Rachel, so beware that this does contain some anti-Rosschel content, and it’s pretty long (sorry, I have a lot of thoughts on this).

On paper, Rachel and Joey are the perfect couple and I love their relationship on the show so much. They had such a respectful, loving and endearing friendship that was so beautiful. Even as I’m trying to sit here and think of the negative side to Rachel and Joey’s relationship, I can’t. It was so open, warm, trusting and sweet. Joey falling in love with Rachel is one of my favourite arcs on the entire show, because it’s so realistic and emotional. We’ve all had that moment at some point in our lives where we have a close friend who we’ve only ever thought of platonically but then something happens and we see them differently, whether it’s just for that one moment or whether it develops into something more like it did for Joey. I’ve never really seen it discussed before, but all of the characters on Friends developed over the seasons, except Joey. Who Joey is in season 1 is practically exactly who he is in season 10. Falling in love with Rachel is the only time we actually got to see a change in Joey. It was the first time he’d ever been in love so it was incredibly difficult for him to navigate those intense feelings anyway, but it was a million times harder because he was also dealing with the confusion and guilt of that person being Rachel who was pregnant with Ross’ child. How Joey handled himself throughout the situation was so beautiful to watch and made me fall in love with his character in an entirely new way. Here’s this guy who’s specifically known for being a womaniser and an immature bachelor, but he was mature, selfless and fair throughout the entire thing.

Joey falling in love with Rachel made perfect sense. He lived with her and was incredibly close to her, they got each other and had fun, and you could just perfectly see and understand why he would love her. In comparison to Ross, whose love for Rachel was just there from the beginning and mainly based on an infatuation he’d had since he was a child, Joey’s feelings for Rachel were incredibly complex. When Joey’s feelings for Rachel seemed to pass, I thought that was the end of it and then BAM, Rachel had her dream and suddenly she had feelings for Joey. This was the point at which I knew something had to happen, because two friends don’t both just develop feelings for each other out of nowhere, that has to mean something. Watching Rachel’s feelings for Joey develop wasn’t nearly as enjoyable as watching Joey’s (but that’s mainly because whenever Rachel has the slightest interest in someone she immediately becomes annoying to me), but again, it made sense to me. She was close to Joey, he was always there for her, she knew he had romantic feelings for her recently and hey, he’s an attractive dude!

The perfect basis was already in place for an amazing romance to develop between the two – they’d been best friends for 8 years, lived together for two(?) years, they had an attraction and a special bond - yet when it finally happened it just didn’t work. Every time I rewatch the show (and that’s a lot) I ask myself the same question about Joey and Rachel and that’s – why!? Why didn’t it work? Because it doesn’t make sense to me, but of course, that can be summed up in one word: Ross.

Ross and Rachel are that couple, aren’t they? They’re so iconic, everyone worldwide knows them and from the very beginning they just sucked everyone in. Nowadays I see people growing tired of the will-they-won’t-they trope because it’s so overdone, but when Friends was first airing, it reeled people in hook line and sinker. What really sells Ross and Rachel as a couple is Jennifer and David’s chemistry but also that intense passionate love that Ross and Rachel have. The problem is, that beyond this I do struggle to see what makes sense about Ross and Rachel. This is where you may want to stop reading if you’re a huge Ross/Rachel fan because it’s going to get a quite anti-Rosschel.

It starts off as a very one-sided relationship that is built upon Ross’ crush on Rachel that goes back to high school and by the time they do finally admit their feelings and get together, there’s just a series of endless arguments and break-ups which suggest it’s not a very healthy or happy relationship. From Ross’ perspective, in particular, I think his perception of Rachel and his relationship with her was incredibly distorted. All of their issues in season 3 are because of Ross’ insecurities, because he spent his high school years pining for a girl that was “out of his league”, once he was with her he was constantly afraid he would lose her and that led to possessive behaviour. What always sticks in my mind is the conversation they have about Rachel working too much and Ross expresses that he feels she has this entirely different life that he’s not a part of, and Rachel explains that she’s glad about that because she wants to have something in her life that is separate from him. She says that she’s scared but she’s happy because she’s out there in the world doing something for herself and she asks if he’s okay with that, which he replies yes, but then over her shoulder when they hug he says he’s not. Because Friends is a sitcom, comedy is injected into that scene, but it’s actually not very funny at all. What about what Rachel said is even slightly unreasonable? In most relationship’s an individual’s work is the only part of their life that is not intertwined with their partner and is the place where they can channel their passions and energies. Ross had his career at the museum which was clearly very important to him yet Rachel couldn’t have hers because that made him insecure. What’s even worse is when you think back to the list he made about Rachel, under the cons he listed “Just a waitress” as one of her cons, yet when she decided to break out of the coffee house and launch a career, he didn’t like it. So what did he want from her? Rachel always felt very much like an achievement to Ross rather than a person, particularly in the early seasons. I don’t necessarily want to pit the two relationships against each other but when you compare how well Joey knew Rachel and his opinion of her in comparison to Ross, there’s no comparison. Ross was in love with the idea of Rachel (I think as the seasons progressed he did fall in love with who she was more so), but it still didn’t feel like he really knew her and loved her for her. Proof of that can be seen by his negative reaction when she started to change and become her own person and establish a life for herself.

Having said that, there was an inexplicable pull between Ross and Rachel that brought them back together time and time again. They finally admitted their feelings to each other and got together in season 2, only to split up the same day because of the list Ross made, then they got back together later in the season after the prom video, then they took a break in season 3 (by this point they’d been in a relationship for total of 11 episodes), got back together in the next episode and broke up soon after when Rachel found out Ross slept with Chloe.10 episodes later, in season 4, they got back together at the beach house only to split up the next day because of the whole ‘we were on a break’ argument. Nothing much happened with them after that and they seemed to be moving on, until Ross met Emily and Rachel realised she still has feelings for him and went to England to stop the wedding but Ross said her name at the altar, so that ended in tears hah. Throughout season 5 Ross fights for his marriage and is insistent he loves Emily, whilst Rachel continues to pine for him. By the time we get to season 6, this is where they’ve both seemingly moved on from one another and then lo and behold, they get married in Vegas! After this Ross realises he has feelings for Rachel AGAIN, which seems to soon pass. In season 7, it seems like they’re moving on again until they wind up kissing after Monica and Chandler get engaged. Season 8 is of course the season where Rachel falls pregnant with Emma and from that point until the middle of season 9 when they’re living together and raising Emma, their relationship seems headed in the romantic direction once again. Then they decide their arrangement isn’t working so Rachel moves out and back in with Joey, and they go back to their own lives. That brings us to the end whereby they finally come to realise they want to be with each other in the finale. Wow, that’s one hell of a long and complicated relationship, right? But it perfectly displays the on-off nature of Rachel and Ross’ relationship and shows that even when they were supposedly over each other or moving on, they very quickly found each other again. What I never got about all of this is why it happened. I understand it up until around season 4, but past that I don’t. Why did Ross say Rachel’s name at his wedding? I don’t care what anyone says, at that time he was not in love with Rachel. He agreed to stop seeing Rachel to make his marriage with Emily work, for crying out loud. Also, why did Rachel continue to love a man that had made an immature pros and cons list about her when they first got together, was possessive and jealous when she got a job, fell into bed with the first woman he clapped eyes on when she told him they were on a break (I mean, who does that!?) and refused to accept responsibility for his actions or act with even the tiniest shred of maturity when presented with the chance of getting back together with her? What is it about this man are we supposed to believe makes him a man that Rachel is in love with? It doesn’t make sense. Neither does the fact that they randomly kiss and have sex for no reason what so ever other than the fact that they have before. When they have sex and Rachel gets pregnant with Emma, that literally happens because they’re both there and it’s easy because they’ve been together before and they know they’re in a place where emotionally they’re not attached, so they can treat it as a casual one-night stand.

But, back to Joey and Rachel, because that’s technically what this ask is supposed to be about rather than Ross and Rachel. I think in comparison to Ross and Rachel, whose relationship was incredibly rocky and problematic, Joey and Rachel had a much better build-up, a richer relationship and a more complex connection. The problem with Joey and Rachel is that the audience were already too invested in Ross and Rachel, for a Joey/Rachel romance to last long-term and the writers couldn’t fully let go of Ross and Rachel, no matter what they did. I’m not sure what the intentions with Rachel and Joey were or if the writers even intended for them to be the real deal and stay together, or if it was supposed to be brief like it was, but it certainly felt like they never fully committed to it.

Again, what bothers me about this is that Rachel and Joey splitting up didn’t really make sense and neither did Ross’ reaction. Of course Ross was going to react strongly to finding out about them, but it really didn’t make sense to have Ross react the way he did unless he still had feelings for Rachel and/or was in love with her, which we were told he didn’t and there seemed to be no indication of anything to the contrary until that point. No matter how long your history is with someone or whether they’re the mother of your child, the fact was that Rachel was his ex, Ross had a girlfriend (Charlie) and as Ross himself pointed out, he and Rachel hadn’t been a couple in 6 years. So it didn’t really make sense for Ross to react that way. He and Rachel were exes, so what? They’d both moved on, Ross with Charlie, and Joey and Rachel deserved a shot. What also didn’t make sense is the way in which Rachel and Joey split up, since the issue they came upon again was completely fixable. A lot of people when transitioning from friends to romantic partners experience initial awkwardness. When Ross and Rachel first tried to have sex, Rachel couldn’t stop laughing, but they persevered because they knew they wanted to be together and it should’ve been the same for Joey and Rachel. They were clearly attracted to each other physically and they wanted to be together, so once they’d pushed through that barrier once, they would’ve been fine. The only reason they split up at that point is because the writers knew they couldn’t make it work after having invested so much time in Ross and Rachel. I really think if the writers and audience weren’t so fixated on Ross and Rachel, Joey and Rachel could’ve gone all the way. I also think if it had been a real life situation and not a show, Joey and Rachel would’ve lasted. There was absolutely no reason they wouldn’t last because they were incredibly compatible. Their relationship ended before it even began, I mean, they really didn’t even give it a chance at all and immediately afterwards it was completely swept under the rug as though it never happened. That’s something that will always bug me and is just proof that the writers wanted to try and erase Joey and Rachel because they wanted Ross and Rachel to be endgame. But the fact remains if they knew they wanted a Ross and Rachel endgame (which they clearly knew very early on) why did they decide to go down the Joey/Rachel route? It didn’t really make sense in that context.

One thing I will say is that despite the seemingly anti-Rosschel sentiment of this, Ross and Rachel’s romantic chemistry always felt stronger than Joey and Rachel’s, and their relationship always felt much more natural. However, I put that down to the actors. I think because Jennifer and David were portraying a romantic relationship from rather early on, they fell into a natural rhythm but Jennifer and Matt were such good friends on and off-screen, that when they had to make that transition to a couple, it didn’t quite click. And I’m pretty sure even Matt and Jennifer themselves protested against them being a couple, claiming it was too weird because they were brother and sister, so clearly their hearts weren’t really in playing that relationship and I think that shows in their performances. So, it’s strange because in terms of writing, I’m all for Joey and Rachel, but in terms of the chemistry and the feeling of the couple, I’m all for Ross and Rachel. I also think that despite the problematic elements of Ross and Rachel’s relationship I mentioned above, they changed and developed and by the time they got back together in season 10 I think they were much more suited and ready for a proper relationship. A big part of the issue with their relationship in the early seasons is that Ross was in a completely different place to Rachel. Even in season 1 Ross is very together - he has an established career as a palaeontologist, he earns a decent wage, he has his own apartment in the city, he’s been married - but Rachel, in comparison, is just starting out in life. In season 1 she completely uproots herself and leaps into a world she’s never been part of, so by the time she and Ross get together she’s still adjusting to that huge change. She hasn’t built a life for herself yet and she hasn’t found what she enjoys or what her path is in life, but Ross is already sure in himself and that’s why Rachel freaks out when he starts talking about having kids and moving to Scarsdale. At that point, Rachel isn’t ready for any of that, she’s still trying to deal with having a part-time job at Central Perk and trying to decide where she goes from there. But by season 10 she’s established herself in an amazing career, she’s a mother and she’s grown so much and she’s finally right there with Ross and ready for all of that. As for Ross, by season 10 he’s realised that Rachel loves him and has chosen him so his insecurities shouldn’t be so much of a problem. So where Ross and Rachel start and where they end up is two vastly different places, and although I don’t like the way the journey was written, they earned that ending.

In comparison, Joey and Rachel just can’t compete with that. As sweet and well-developed as they were, they can’t compete with that magnetic pull between Rachel and Ross that continued for 10 years. Ross and Rachel had simply been built up too much for too long for Rachel and Joey to be able to swoop in at such a late point in the series and be endgame. Perhaps if certain things were different and Rachel hadn’t of had Emma, Rachel and Joey could’ve worked, but Ross and Rachel were too entwined to ever separate and I think if they’d ended up with other people and Rachel had ended up with Joey, somewhere deep down inside they would have always felt a sense of regret and “what if?” and I definitely think that would’ve cast a shadow on Rachel and Joey’s relationship if they’d stayed together.

To conclude this big muddle of a response, I really like Joey and Rachel together and see a lot of potential with them as a couple, but their romantic chemistry was lacking and dare I say it, even felt awkward at times, and they simply couldn’t get to the same place as Ross and Rachel. Ross and Rachel were written as being the love of each other’s lives and despite the messiness their relationship, I strongly believe their fate was sealed in TOW Prom Video and there was no coming back from that.

#answered #my meta #friends meta #anti-rosschel

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devopssentinel · 6 months ago

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Equity Compensation: When to Accept Shares in a Tech Startup Job Offer

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