#if things get even slightly worse than they’ve already shown they can get

[can-of-w0rmz]

Sometimes I remember that my sanity is actually dependant on a few fictional characters from 200 years ago, like not a silly haha joke but that I genuinely don’t have any other support system or healthy coping mechanism other than reading about and engaging in fan content for these fictional Victorians, and then I am like “uh oh. Goodness me. I may be in a bit of a sticky situation. A pickle, if you will.”

Anyway ahahahah something something humorous tumblr post as a coping mechanism ahaha something something

[chronicsyd]

I think the problem that most people aren’t realizing (that’s probably going to bite them in the ass when S2 arrives) is the fundamental Problem when it comes to Vi and Jinx’s relationship:

Vi loves Powder, there’s No denying that. Every action she takes when she gets out of prison has been to find Power. And even though she has budding feelings for Caitlyn, Powder comes first. But the problem between the two is when it comes to Jinx. Because she Can’t love Jinx in the way that she loves Powder.

Which is why one of the last things she says to Vi, “I thought, maybe you could love me like you used to. Even though I’m… different.” Holds so much importance. You wonder Why Vi doesn’t say anything to Jinx before she leaves and fires Fishbones. You’d think that Vi would leap at the opportunity to insist that she still loves her, but she can’t. She can’t love Jinx. At least, not in the way Jinx Wants her to.

A lot of people have been claiming that “the trailer is lying to us!”, “She’s just placating Caitlyn!”, or whatever they’ve been saying when we hear Vi say, “My sister is gone.” People are seeming to think that there’s a sliver of a chance that the two could reconcile or go back to what once was or whatever. And the thing is… I Highly doubt that.

Vi not only has to deal with the Drastic ramifications that Jinx has inflicted on Piltover but I think she also has to realize that this is who Jinx’s been for Several years at this point. (Cuz remember in ep 4, other people Know who Jinx is and what she’s capable of at this point, she’s made a name for herself inflicting that kinda terror in people)

As much as Vi doesn’t like it, This is who Jinx is now. I truly believe that Powder died in episode 9. And from what Arcane has shown us, this can really only end in tragedy for the two (not in a death, there are certainly things that are worse than that). And I think they may show Vi emotionally disowning Jinx (as hard as that’d be to watch) because there isn’t Powder to save anymore, there’s just Jinx and Jinx is the one that needs to be stopped.

(I know that people bring up Jinx’s champion storyline from Legends of Runtarra with Mr. Bunny but the thing is I’m pretty sure that happens way after this and, while I may not know a lot of LOL lore I know that a lot of Jinx’s storylines recently are about trying to prod Vi’s memory cuz she has amnesia and doesn’t remember anything about her past in the Undercity and all that soooo that’s what I have to say about that)

Do I think at the beginning of the season Vi’s probably going to be in denial and try to find “Powder” again? Absolutely. The way Jinx says “finally got the name right… sister.” Is implying that there’s a scene between the two that they haven’t shown us yet because I doubt there’d be That much venom in her tone if the two haven’t seen each other from Ep 9 all the way to whenever this fight scene takes place when Vi’s already an Enforcer. Hell, even when Vi calls her “Jinx” in that last part there’s hurt in her eyes and she slightly shakes her head before doing so, clearly not comfortable with calling her sister that. (Also fueling my belief that this isn’t the season finale fight that some people think it is)

[todoscript]

SEQUEL TO  “don’t forget it”

SYNOPSIS: One week after accidentally blowing you off on your date, Bakugou Katsuki seeks your forgiveness.

pairing: bakugou katsuki x fem!reader

genre: fluff, very little angst

word count: 5.4k+

warnings: none really accept maybe a character sustaining an injury

author’s note: hellooooo this is a very very very late part 2 of my don’t forget it drabble that many people asked for! i hope this lived up to your expectations and was worth the wait!

Since the events that led you to leave Bakugou’s room in a fit of bitterness after attempting to penetrate that thick head of his, he hadn’t been able to speak to you for a week.

It goes without saying he did his best to chase you down the hallway from his room and toward the elevator the moment he realized his faults. But at the stink eye you shot him through the minimizing slit of the elevator doors sliding into place, he knew he had no right to reconcile with you after pulling a stunt like that. Nor did he think you’d want to spare him any more words to begin with. It was clear you were done arguing with him.

“C’mon man, it’s probably best to let her cool down before you try to make up with her,” was the advice Kirishima offered when Bakugou returned to his room, disgruntled as he heavily fell back into his seat next to the desk. He did the bare minimum to acknowledge his friend’s words with a grunt before resuming tutoring the redhead, his method of teaching suddenly harsher than how it began thanks to his soured mood. He lapsed the day away by pounding Kirishima with problems upon problems against that hard noggin of his, both literally and figuratively.

At the very least, Kirishima earned himself a passing grade on their exam as a result of his hard work and their rigorous tutoring sessions. But what followed Bakugou’s and your relationship was still undetermined.

Days later and you were relentless in giving him the cold shoulder.

Bakugou was met with nothing but empty glances and blatant disinterest whenever he crossed your path. It felt like the wall you slotted between him grew another layer at each encounter, your defenses so impenetrable, it could give Kirishima’s quirk a run for its money. He couldn’t so much as utter a word in your direction without you effectively dodging every possible interaction in favor of joining another conversation nearby.

At first, Bakugou shrugged it off, calling your “childish attitude” unwarranted for something he thought was incredibly trivial. In his eyes, it was just an ordinary date at some run-of-the-mill restaurant he just happened to suggest to you because he took a liking to their spicy food. Not like it was some fancy dinner reservation serving caviar on dry toast beside a pretty, city night skyline. To him, it was nothing special.

However, as the week continued to roll by, it became clear to him how much he hurt you due to his selfishness. In a hangout with the Bakusquad, he learned that you apparently told Mina, along with the rest of the girls, everything during one of your girls’ nights. Which included the events prior to your heated argument in Bakugou’s dorm. And Mina, being just as peeved as you were at how Bakugou stood you up that day, had to let the blond know of the damage he’d done.

.

.

“I swear, Bakugou Katsuki, I know you can be an asshole sometimes—”

“Make that all the time,” Sero quietly adds in the middle of Mina’s rant while he lounges backward on Kaminari’s bed. If it wasn’t for his current dilemma, Bakugou would have elbowed him in the back of the head.

“—but this is crossing the line!” she finishes. Her arms are thrown exaggeratedly over her chest. The amber surrounded by the black scleras of her eyes points a beady look at the ash-blond crisscrossed on the floor between Kirishima and Kaminari.

“Poor girl sat there for hours waiting for you, only to find out she got blown off because you couldn’t even properly check your reminders!” She paces back and forth in the room, feet excessively stepping across the floor as she’s engulfed by the emotions she feels for her friend. “What’s worse? She comes back and finds out you’ve been doing your own thing with Kirishima the whole time!”

“Hey! It’s not like we were playing around! We were actually having a very serious study grind, thank you very much,” the redhead immediately clarifies. Though his explanation doesn’t alleviate Bakugou’s case in the slightest, who pounds his palms against the surface of the table they’ve gathered around.

“Look. I fucking get it, Ashido. I screwed up, okay?! Now what the fuck do you want me to do about it?!” he exclaims, anger overpowering his voice, but it does little to deter Mina.

“Fix it, obviously!” she quips back with equal fierceness, leaning in eye level with Bakugou.

“And how do you propose I do that, Raccoon Eyes? Hah?” Repositioning his elbow to rest on the table, he leans his cheek against his hand. “Y/n won’t even let me within five fucking feet in front of her and you still expect me ‘fix this’?”

Despite the situation weighing heavily on his shoulders, no immediate answer is bestowed upon him. That is, except the obnoxiously loud crinkle of a chip bag popping open next to Bakugou that cleaves into the scene like a record scratch. As if unable to read the mood in his own room, Kaminari fishes a chip to throw in his mouth, stirring the awkward silence into tension.

“Wow, Bakugou. I know you’re bad with girls and all, but you really messed up this time,” he remarks. His voice is slightly muffled as he munches his chips, continuing to wrinkle the bag for more. It incites a vein to swell on Bakugou’s forehead. He amasses all the willpower within him not to blast the bag of chips to ash, and the boy alongside it.

“If you dunce faces are just gonna sit here and throw salt in my wound then I’m outta here.”

“No, wait!” Kirishima catches Bakugou’s wrist before he fully lifts himself off the floor. “Come on, Bakugou, I’m sure we can think of something! We just need to put our heads together! Right, guys?” he assures. Finding it hard to deny his friend’s hardened conviction, Bakugou gives Kirishima the benefit of the doubt, albeit with slumped shoulders and a tentative raise of his brow as he slowly sits back down.

“Right! Everyone, let’s get some brainstorming done!” Mina yells encouragingly.

The atmosphere of Kaminari’s room is consumed by moderately thoughtful silence for the next ensuing minutes. A few hums pass, followed by an exchange of contemplative looks as four of the five rack their heads together to uncover a solution. The one in need of help only hunches in his seat, waiting with mild disinterest.

“Oh hey, don’t we have hero training with All Might tomorrow?” Sero is the first to comment, scooting to the edge of the blond’s bed.

“Yeah. So?”

“He said we were going to work on group exercises this time around. You know, teamwork and stuff,” he explains further.

At that, Mina snaps her fingers, the work of a brilliant idea flickering in her head. “Sero, that’s it! Tomorrow, during training, we’ll just form a group together with Y/n! After all, she’ll have to talk to Bakugou if you two are on the same team!” She claps her hands in front of her, her enthusiasm rippling through her body and shown energetically with each raise of her voice. “Then, while the rest of us ‘split up’ to cover more ground, that will be your chance to make everything better with Y/n! It’s genius!”

“You missed one fucking crucial detail, Pinky,” Bakugou gruffs. “That will only work if Y/n doesn’t join another group. The moment she sees I’m on yours, she’s not even going to hesitate making a u-turn.”

“Worry not~ I’ll just text all the girls except Y/n about the plan later and ask them to help sort everyone out!” She solves the problem with relative ease—quick as a click of her phone lighting up and finger sliding open to her messages.

“Uh, another thing though.” Kirishima raises his hand to spare his concern. “All Might says we’ll be splitting into groups of five at most, but there’s already five of us here.”

There’s a brief moment of deadpanning until Mina speaks casually. “Oh, that’s right. Kaminari. Take one for the team and make sure to join another group, ‘kay?” She settles without batting a lash.

Kaminari almost chokes on a mouthful of chips. “H-Huh?! What?! Why me?!!” he sputters.

“Because you’ve been eating chips this entire time and haven’t contributed to anything.”

“Hey, I offered the room, didn’t I?!” He tries justifying but is inevitably rejected by Mina’s wagging finger.

“Ah-ah, no complaints! Besides, it’s only one day of training. If we want this dilemma between Bakugou and Y/n fixed then we all have to play our part, got it?” Mina finalizes with a firm point of her finger nearly grazing the tip of the blond’s nose as he leans back to avoid it, eyebrows scrunched in discontent at the role he’s been reduced to.

“Alllllright!” Kirishima springs from his seat with outstretched arms and tightened fists. “Operation: Get Y/n to Forgive Explosion Boy is underway!”

“Dude, that’s a terrible name!” Sero laughs but rises from the bed to join the redhead’s cheer alongside Mina, the group already in high spirits.

Despite rolling his eyes at their swell of confidence, Bakugou does not object to the state of things. As crazy as it sounds, one could almost decipher the cusp of a grin pulling the seams of his lips as a possible sign he’s actually all for this extravagant little plan. Quite a first for Bakugou, but then again, there’s not much else he can do in this situation except rely on his pack of chumps.

Meanwhile, Kaminari grumbles something beneath the salty grit between his teeth.

“Alright, can you all get out of my room now?”

.

.

The scowl etched on your face carries a strong air of disdain that dampens the mood around your teammates considerably. Well, no one should be surprised. With Bakugou standing across from you, staring into the void of your expression, it’s to be expected that you wouldn’t be happy with this outcome.

No, “unhappy” doesn’t quite do your circumstance justice. You are beyond livid.

You feel your eyebrow twitch as you try quivering your lips to form a tinge of a smile. Unfortunately, all that quickly falls apart when you suddenly recall the disaster of last week, triggered by an accidental glance at Bakugou’s mug.

Trying to simmer down, you release a mental sigh amidst the turmoil boiling inside you.

Okay, maybe you’re over-exaggerating. Maybe you’re still just a bit too bitter for your own good and letting your emotions get to you. But in a class of twenty or some students, how did you end up in a group with the one person you were actively trying to avoid?

The moment All Might gave everyone the go-ahead to form their teams for today’s training exercise, you swiftly made a beeline toward two particular star students. Midoriya and Todoroki.

It was simple really. Your experiences throughout the school year told you Bakugou planned on staying away from his rivals when it came to teamwork, regardless of whether you’re there or not. He’s a competitive ass whose goal is to beat anyone he deems a threat in his climb to be the number one hero. It’s only logical you partner with people he adamantly dislikes to evade him.

Yet it seems fate has other plans for you today. By the time you found yourself pacing over to the two students you had in mind, they’d already gone and picked their own group members, forming teams before you could even ask.

Your nose wrinkles like you’ve taken a whiff of something rancid. Or, to be more specific, something fishy. Hooking an arm around Mina’s elbow, you drag the pink-haired girl off to a corner somewhere while tilting your head back at the three other boys.

“Ex. Cuse. Us.” Your words sound as stiff as cardboard. It comes out in practically a hiss when your eyes cross Bakugou. Once you’re positive you’re out of earshot, you whip your head at Mina.

“Mina, what the hell? When you dragged me over here to form a group with you you didn’t tell me he’d be there,” you groan. Childish and petty as you may sound, you just couldn’t fathom the idea of confronting the boy so soon.

Mina holds her hands out, ready to rationalize the whole ordeal. “C’mon Y/n, this is actually an advantage for us! With us four plus you on our team, we’re sure to knock the rest of the other guys out during training today! I mean we showed pretty good teamwork together at the sports festival, didn’t we?”

Steadying your gaze, you hold a finger below your chin as you slowly buy into the explanation. The reasoning is there. It’s hard to argue against a case like that, fully aware that being on the same team as explosion boy will easily snag good results for you and your party. ‘Cause as much of an arrogant jerk as he is, you have to admit Bakugou Katsuki knows his way around hero action like the back of his grenade gauntlets.

“Besides it’s not like you could avoid him for the entire school year. I mean, you two are in the same class. It was only a matter of time before you had to—”

“I know, Mina,” you interject, not wanting the rest of her sentence about the inevitable fall to your ear. “I just… Agh, you know what I mean!” You ruffle your hands through your hair in confliction, unsure how to piece your thoughts together.

Tilting your head over Mina’s shoulder, you sneak a glimpse at Bakugou, watching him as he’s cast to the side with the others. He’s fending himself from Kirishima and Sero’s combined jokes, that usual look on his face sending glares at the two and yelling something you could almost pick up on if you honed your ears a bit more. Surprisingly, when his eyes meet yours for a split second, he stands there looking nonchalant again. Both of you immediately avert your gazes.

Mina pats your shoulder, bringing you back to the conversation at hand. “I know, I know, but after this, I’m sure you can go back to ignoring his ass. After all, it’s just one training exercise, right?” she says. As her words deliver some relief to your ill-timed situation, you give in with a sigh.

Unbeknownst to you, turning your back to Mina and striding toward the rest of your teammates again, you miss the small glint in her yellow eyes, along with the subtle gestures she aims at the three boys, waving her pointed thumbs over your head secretively.

“So I take it you’re on the team with us, Y/n?” Sero asks when the two of you return. You nod in reply and the boy flashes his pearly whites in a wide grin that Kirishima mirrors. He nudges Bakugou at his sides which you subtly catch in the far corner of your eye.

You raise a brow suspiciously at their fidgeting, wondering why having you on their team warrants such enthusiasm, but you’re thankful for their energy at least. Someone has to lift the atmosphere for this not to be a complete drag and Bakugou surely isn’t going to be the mood maker of the group.

The blond scoffs. “Yeah, well, if you dumbasses are going to form a team with me, you’ll follow under my leadership, got it?”

The three readily agree. Though you roll your eyes, you don’t challenge his position, considering no one else is that much up to the task as he is. You’ll simply have to deal with the fact that you’re forced to tread through the day under his leadership. So with no objections, the five of you walk back to the class, gathering around the entrance of today’s battlefield.

Jumping into the activity, All Might goes about explaining today’s lesson to the four sets of teams—consisting of a group exercise to heighten teamwork. The name of the game? Capture the flag.

In short, each team will be split off into different sections of the labyrinth where their assigned flag is stationed. The objective is to not only protect your flag from being stolen but also try and steal an opposing team’s flag from their base and escort it safely to your home field. Nice and simple.

Not long after All Might’s explanation, the gate to the training grounds opens and you all scatter off into your teams, navigating through the twists of the maze to locate your flags. Once your group situated themselves onto your home base, you assemble in a huddle to devise a strategy before the game starts.

“So what’s the plan?” Kirishima asks, eyes darting around his teammates until they rest on Bakugou—the team leader. The ash-blond crosses his arms, a confident sneer plastered on his face as he’s already thought of his plan of action the moment All Might announced the mission.

“Easy. I’m going straight to the front-lines to swipe one of those dumbasses’ flags. You lot are gonna stay here and guard ours until I come back.” He delivers the strategy in a matter-of-fact tone that you quickly don’t take a liking to. Your fist curls in irritation.

“What kind of a plan is that?” you question audaciously, your voice louder than you intended. “So you’re just going to do all the work while we sit around and wait for you?”

Bakugou grits his teeth, leaning further into the huddle to direct his senseless logic. “Look, it’s the fastest and most surefire way to snag our victory without sacrificing anyone,” he says. Playing over his words again, he finds it surprising he even chooses to offer his reasoning. Because if it were anyone other than you he was arguing with, he’s certain he’d leave it at that.

Knowing the current tension between you was a result of his misjudgment, it feels only right for Bakugou to make an effort in communication. He ignores the antsy expressions belonging to the others who signal from behind you to follow along with their original plan.

You don’t seem to catch the hint, nor do you buy into his ridiculous strategy. “Oh, so you’re that confident you won’t get taken out by the other team then?” you quip. As a result, Bakugou’s brows tighten at your noncompliance.

“I know how to take care of myself. You of all people should realize by now that no other nerd in this whole damn class can outmatch me.”

“And what about an ambush? How do you know they simply won’t anticipate your strategy and see you coming?” You fire another counterargument and the boy purses his lips, beginning to find this quarrel spiraling into a headache rather than a step in the direction of reconciliation.

While Sero and Kirishima stand there, shifting their heads back and forth throughout the fiery exchange, Mina speedily reacts. The gears of that cunning mind of hers click into place again.

“You know what, Y/n’s right. Why don’t you two go together then?” she proposes boldly. Her suggestion catches you by complete surprise. You veer in her direction with an incredulous look blown in your eyes.

Before you can open your mouth to protest, the two boys standing beside her immediately back her up.

“Hm, Mina has a point. The chances of you falling into a trap wouldn’t be much if you two work together,” Sero remarks.

Kirishima follows, “Yeah, you guys can watch each other’s backs while going to collect the flag! It’s safer to go in a pair than by yourselves I’d say.”

The three seem adamant about the idea, sharing equally content expressions, and with all that said, you find it hard to dig yourself out of this situation. In a way, you practically volunteered yourself after questioning Bakugou’s plan and doubting his abilities. The group only feels it’s right you come along as his support since you clearly must be worried about his well-being.

Pushing your objections down your throat, you reluctantly agree to tag along with the blond. What you find exceptionally shocking is how Bakugou doesn’t oppose these new conditions. Given his hard-headed temperament, you thought he would’ve scoffed and turned his back at being paired without notice, but no such things were happening here.

...Odd.

“Tch, whatever. Let’s get going then,” is all he gives, starting in the direction into the urban area of the training course.

You trail behind him. “Coming, Boom-Boy…” you mutter the last bit but don’t suppress the urge to let your words be known. Bakugou turns his head and gives you a look akin to an uptight six-year-old you just offended at your local playground. You shrug in response, a corner of your lip pinched upward. He doesn’t pick a fight over the nickname, but his eyebrows remain fiercely slanted, and coupled with his heavy steps and the excessive swinging of his gauntlet-clad arms, it tells you of his emotional constipation plain as day.

.

.

The journey toward the other teams’ flags is cloaked in strained silence and the physical gap between you two does not encourage any of you to speak up. At this point, both of your levels of annoyance for each other have mellowed out. Now it just feels... awkward—strange. You don’t see his expression, nor does he see yours. It feels like you’re being left in the dark, having only the back of Bakugou’s head to stare at the entirety of the way, and though you supposedly have his back, Bakugou feels precarious in this state as he trudges along at the front, not daring to turn his head to cross your eyes.

The ambiance is reminiscent of the ancient Greek legend of Orpheus and Eurydice. Where Bakugou walks through the depths of the underworld, seeking you out in hopes you’d join his side once again. If he turns around now and spills his thoughts to you too soon, he fears that your forgiveness would be whisked away, thoroughly beyond his reach, and replaced with your promises of retribution.

That was the eloquent version of the situation anyway. To put it bluntly, Bakugou was just impatient as hell to say something to you. The silence suffocates him to the point where the words are nearly about to be squeezed out of his throat, but he bites his lip to snuff out the urges.

The more he keeps them in, the more fidgety he becomes, hands itchy and mouth trembling with grit between his teeth. The idea of not letting his voice be heard was something Bakugou detested. Mainly because it was already such a challenge to even keep his mouth shut, given his fiery attitude and lack of patience.

Man, what the hell am I hesitating for? he asks himself, that outspoken side of him spurring him on.

Ah, screw the uncertainty, he thinks. If he doesn’t say anything now, then he won’t get to say anything ever.

Bakugou stops in his tracks, turning his head. Here goes nothing,

“Hey, Y/n, I–”

“Katsuki–”

Words collide into each other, jumbled and incoherent, which take you two by surprise as you meet each other’s furrowed gazes. It’s quiet as you both piece your way through this, eyes trained like you haven’t seen each other in months when the reality is that a week of bitterness has somehow made you act like strangers. The bewildered look crossing his features is foreign to you; you’ve never quite seen Bakugou as taken aback as he is now.

“You first,” you grant before Bakugou could mix up your words again. Even being given permission, the blond still isn’t sure what to say, his thoughts lost on him the moment his voice clashed with yours. He takes a deep breath, calming his senses and steadying his mind for what he wants to convey.

“Look, Y/n, I don’t know how to put this as nicely as I can,” he begins, tone consistent yet wary, assessing your expression, “but I know I fucked up and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you there all by yourself. I shouldn’t… have blown you off like that and forgotten about you.” He delivers this bluntly—honestly—as open as a boy of his nature can muster with arms spread out, willingly exposing him to his faults and your reprisals.

Looking at you, he finds your eyes are cast to the floor, assuming to be reflecting on his words carefully. After some deliberation, you come across the vermillion in his eyes.

“Frankly, I haven’t entirely forgiven you just yet. But I will say that despite how I’ve been acting, I’m not as mad at you as you think,” is what you give, and Bakugou would be lying to himself if he didn’t achieve relief at your statement. He mentally releases a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding throughout the exchange. However, you aren’t done yet.

“I just want you to understand what moments like those mean to me. It’s during that time where I can share my feelings and learn more about you—understand who you are,” you say. Bakugou latches onto every word. “And it goes both ways, you know. It’s hard to want to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make an effort to make time for you.” It’s obvious you aim that comment at him as Bakugou’s eyes soften slightly hearing it. His calloused, glove-clad hands wrap into his palms. Man, he really was a jerk.

“Still… I know you’re making an effort to be sincere and that you’re genuinely sorry for what happened, especially considering how the others seem to have set this whole conversation up, right?” Bakugou winces over the Bakusquad’s ploy coming to light and makes a note not to follow along next time unless those dummies can scrape up a more elaborate plan.

Despite that, he presses on, “So, what does this mean?” A smile settles on the curve of your lips, sensing his impatience as his voice hastens you along.

“Well…” you begin, speech drawn out in anticipation as you step toward him to where Bakugou follows your movements. That is until he catches a few shadowy figures shifting around atop the small building behind you. Before you can open your mouth to continue, his instincts flare to life.

“Hey, look out!” he exclaims, already acting on his warnings by lunging forward to push you out of the way. Your breaths draw back into your lungs, your body thrust abruptly into the opposite direction. Landing on your butt, you wince at both the shock and the pain, but your whines desist when you witness Bakugou taking a force to the head as a result of coming to your aid.

“Katsuki!” you yell, immediately getting off the ground to rush to his side, but he can’t find it in himself to respond. Afflicted with a substantial blow to the crown of his head, his whole being throbs and his vision spins.

Fuck, is Y/n, okay? is the first thing on his mind, ignoring the liquid trickling down his forehead. His question is answered upon turning his head to meet your anxious expression—your eyes wide and lips quivering as they move to say words he can’t exactly make out beneath the pounding sensations consuming his mind. As he feels a set of arms wrap around him, he tries discerning his surroundings to form a reply, but can only capture bits and pieces.

“—tsuki! ...old… n!”

“...god—! I’m so dead!”

A sputter of words tangling together is the last he hears before his vision fades to black.

.

.

The next time Bakugou awakes, his eyes slowly sever open to come face-to-face with a blurry white ceiling. The lights assault his vision as his senses take time to adjust, unraveling the environment to realize he’s laying on a bed—a hospital bed to be precise.

He attempts lifting himself but is met with retaliation in the form of his pulsating head which he immediately flinches at. His hand goes to rub his scalp to soothe the ache and he finds bandages wrapped tightly around him. “What the hell happened?” The last he remembers is traversing the urban area with you for the capture the flag mission before finally confronting the subject that had been plaguing your minds for a week now. After that, he caught sight of some object descending toward you and before he had even realized it, his feet had moved on their own. Next thing he knows, he’s waking up in the nurse’s office with a headache from hell.

Wait, what about you? Were you okay? Surely, he had to have pushed you out of the way in time, right?

His head moves quicker than it should’ve, revealing the other hospital bed in the room to be unoccupied, vacant. He sighs and his relief is further bolstered by the door to the nurse’s room opening to unveil you unharmed with only your heavy look of concern troubling him.

“Katsuki, oh thank god, you’re okay!” you say, quickly pacing over to his side with a glass of water in hand. You leave it at his bedside, sitting before him. Gauging your appearance up and down, Bakugou tries making out even the smallest details.

“You aren’t hurt?”

You’re appalled he would ask this despite clearly being the one patched up in a hospital bed right now, and likely sporting some serious head trauma.

“Of course I am, you’re the one that lunged forward to protect me,” you tell him. Bakugou looks down at his lap, figuring that was what happened, but hearing it from you comforted him more than he thought. However, his comfort is wretched from him by the intense pressure persisting in his skull. Seeing him in pain, you urge him to lay down and rest.

“How the hell did I end up here anyway?”

You fidget with your fingers, hesitating on answering. At that, the blond lifts a brow, suspicious.

“Mineta… accidentally dropped a rock on your head.”

“...You gotta be joking, right?”

Bakugou leers hard, finding the reason he was out of commission to be a damn pebble hitting his head a detriment to his pride. And because of Mineta of all fucking people. Still, if he hadn’t acted as quickly as he did, you would’ve been the one to meet his fate instead, and he weighed this outcome to better than the former.

Then you explain how the teachers had temporarily intervened to bring his unconscious body to the nurse’s, where the old lady went about tending to his injury. Said she did her job and all he needed was to rest and let her quirk take fuller effect within that time.

“So did we win the game?” He switches the topic to today’s mission of capture the flag that was cut short on his end.

You shake your head, but at least grant him the benefit of knowing Mineta’s team ended up placing last. At that, his eyelids shut and he crosses his arms behind his bandaged head. “Yeah, well, it wasn’t my intention to win anyway.”

You give him a look. “...Liar.”

Bakugou cracks an eye open at you. “Hah? What do you mean I’m a fucking liar?”

“I know you, Katsuki. I dated you, after all. And the Katsuki that I dated is an arrogant, competitive jerk who thinks of being the best above all else.” Bakugou scrunches his nose, wondering what you’re implying through your... overly frank descriptions. “Still… he’s sweet and caring at times… and reliable when he needs to be,” you continue, tone softening that draws Bakugou in, “And the kind of guy I want to give a second chance to.”

Absorbing your words, Bakugou blinks. “S-Seriously?” He doesn’t mean to stutter, but the offer catches him off-guard. He replays what you just said. That’s what he heard, right? A second chance?

You giggle at how uncharacteristically astonished he sounds. “Yes, seriously.”

“Does that mean you forgive me for what happened last week?”

You hum between pursed lips in playful contemplation. “Well, maybe you can redeem yourself by going on another date with me then?”

Hearing your proposal, a wide grin arcs his lips, edging into a smirk.

“That’s it? Well, I can definitely fucking do that,” he states, confidence rejuvenating his body at the new, hopeful chance before him.

“Oh, just one more thing though,” you suddenly add.

“What?”

“We are not going to that Chinese Restaurant again.”

[forestlingincorporated]

I wanna talk about Janet Drake

I’m not against exaggeratedly evil versions of Tim’s parents, tbh. It’s fanfiction, if we can depict an Exaggeratedly Good version of Bruce (which we can, and I do, and I love) then we can depict the Drakes as Exaggeratedly Bad. As someone who personally identifies with Tim, and his brand of complicated parental abuse in particular, I find it cathartic to uncomplicate that abuse and rescue him from the Obviously Evil Bad People. 

That said, since much of comics lore is passed down word of mouth, the oral tradition surrounding Tim has developed this idea of Janet as The Worse Parent between her and Jack that was never really present in the comics. We see much LESS of Janet, and we have 20 years worth of comics depicting Jack as a neglectful hotheaded idiot who ultimate does love his son. More importantly, Jack isn’t very much LIKE Tim, so there is a habit to attribute Tim’s traits to his mother... and, as someone who really really identifies with Tim, Tim has... some negative traits. Tim can be a bitch sometimes. He’s fiercely intelligent and sweet and kind, with a strong sense of justice, but he can be cold and judgmental and unthinking - he fights those traits, but he does have them. 

And it is perfectly fine to depict Janet that way. I’ve enjoyed depictions of Cold Calculating Janet Drake, but it’s not the ONLY option, and I want to challenge fans to consider different avenues. Tim could pick up these traits from anywhere: a nanny, Mrs. Mc Ilvaine (”Mrs. Mac”), a teacher, tv, Sherlock Holmes novels, Bruce Wayne himself. Tim is capable of not being like EITHER parent. 

So, what do we KNOW about Janet? (I’ll also touch on Jack, but only in scenes he appears with Janet.) 

When Janet was first introduced she was depicted as a gentle but “modern” woman. This was written in 1989, told by a 13 year old Tim, so this theoretically was meant to take place in 1979. I’m not here to give a lecture on the history of sex discrimination in the united states, but much of the legislation protecting women in the workforce or surrounding women’s bodily autonomy would have been very very new in this initial depiction. 

Here, Janet is shown to be encouraging, emotional, maternal, and projects her own feelings onto Tim. Jack is shown to be slightly sexist, possibly discouraging, but not overbearing. And the artist is shown not to know how to draw children. 

To insert some speculation, I think it’s important to note all the Drakes witnessed a terrible murder/accident that day. I point this out, because this is the last time Jack and Janet are depicted this way. It’s possible they changed as a result of this event specifically. 

However, this is also a story being told by Tim. It’s also possible these events aren’t really “real” at all, and Tim is misremembering what his parents were like as a three-year-old, possibly projecting a more palatable version of his parents into the narrative. This is entirely up to personal interpretation. 

In fact, the Drakes are shown in Legend of the Dark Knight attending Haly’s Circus, and the artist knows what a toddler looks like and they’re depicted as already having a slightly strained relationship. Jack is clearly on the defensive, and Janet seems to be passive-aggressive, though she could just be attempting to explain the situation to her toddler honestly. The intended tone isn’t especially clear. 

I do want to point out, in this depiction, Tim isn’t being carried like he was in the previous one. He’s walking ahead of his parents, which isn’t a terrible horrible crime, but could be dangerous in a crowded place like the circus. Might be a subtle hint to his parents overall neglect. 

Back to A Lonely Place of Dying, in Tim’s memories of the night he discovered Robin and Dick Grayson were the same person at nine-years-old, his parents are home, and watching TV together while Tim played... trucks, idk, in the living room with them. (This is semi-interesting, because you could say “oh, Tim liked vehicle toys as a kid” or you could extrapolate that this is another subtle indication of Jack’s sexism, providing Tim with appropriately “boy toys.” Either interpretation is valid. If Tim was assigned female at birth, would they have been given “girl toys,” or allowed to play with whatever they wanted?) 

This is, to my knowledge, the only panel of the Drakes when Tim is between ages 3 and 13. They’re all together, which might indicate that the Drakes were home more often when Tim was 9, only later going on business trips when Tim was “old enough” but... 

This is Tim’s boarding school when he’s 13. While most boarding schools in the US are for grades 9-12, Tim is clearly not a freshman at age 13; look how much younger the other kids in this panel are. In the US, the youngest you can attend most boarding schools is 7. 

That means Tim could have begun going to boarding school anytime between 7 and 13. He most likely spent all of middle school in boarding school, at least. There are an almost infinite number of possible ways the Drakes handled having a business that required lots of international travel, an archeology hobby, AND a very young child. Janet staying home until Tim was 7, 11, 13, is equally possible as the Drakes having a nanny until 7, 11, 13. Tim just doesn’t talk about that period of his life very much.

(”What about Mrs. Mac?” - it is unclear when Mrs. Mac begins working for the Drakes. We only see her when Jack comes out of his coma. She could either be a long standing staff member, or a recent hire.) 

Note: I’ve seen it said that it’s canon that “According to Tim, when his parents were home, they made a point to try and include him in their activities, bringing him along to events that were normally adults only.” I have never seen this panel, or I don’t remember it, so I cannot confirm, but I also cannot debunk this because... comics. 

By the time Tim is 13, Jack and Janet are away on business trips a lot, with limited communication, and no firm return date. If I’m feeling generous, I’d say it was harder to communicate internationally in 1990 than it is today. If I’m not feeling generous, I’d say the Drakes are extremely wealthy, and international communication was easier than ever before in the 80s and 90s. They’re not even going home to see Tim in a week or two, they’re going home and calling Tim at boarding school in a week or two. 

Even Bruce thinks its weird, though he doesn’t say so to Tim’s face. It’s written almost as if Tim’s parents’ neglect was meant to be a plot point that just got forgotten about. 

Tim’s parents are fighting at this point (their poor assistant), but Janet still goes with Jack on these business trips. And she’s clearly involved in the business, somehow, but the comics never SAY what Janet’s JOB is. We’re told Jack is the exec, but Janet is ONLY ever referred to as Jack’s wife, though they’re later described as the “heads” of the company, plural. 

Just to be clear, this is Jack’s business. There’s a perception that Jack is a bad business man because he and Janet fight over company decisions, and Jack looses the business after Janet dies, but Jack looses the company YEARS after Janet dies, and maintains it for about a year after No Man’s Land at that. We’re not told how Jack looses the business, but he’s got to be doing something right. Janet isn’t necessarily the “real brains” of Drake Industries. 

And I’m not... gonna... touch the... exploitation and racism because... I’m not qualified to do that. But, here’s the panel. The Drakes sure seem exploitative and racist in their business decisions. Someone else can... analyze that with more nuance. 

Regardless how how long they’ve been fighting, when their lives are in danger, the Drakes fall back into a loving husband and wife. Their marriage may be falling apart, but they do care about each other. 

I want to show these panels because it shows that Tim and Jack do have things in common. They’re both level headed in a crisis and can be somewhat cold in their practicality. Janet meanwhile and silent. Jack is later willing rant and rave at their captors, but Janet remains silent. 

That is, until they’re alone, and she finally lets herself fall apart. 

God, Jack can be obnoxious. Janet just looks miserable and resigned. I actually think Tim takes after his parents in this respect in equal measure. Tim can have a temper, but he can also be fairly melancholy and defeatist. 

Jack keeps reminding Janet to be strong and in control, which could be period typical sexism? But Jack seems so practiced and ready with the words of encouragement, and with Tim’s history with depression, I wonder if Janet has an inclination towards it as well. 

As the end approaches, when Jack brings up Tim, Janet seems to have a lot of regret. She talks about “wasting” the good things, and I don’t think it’s too big of a stretch to assume she’s talking about time spent with her only child. 

From this point on, Janet is at times spoken of, but not seen. Like here, when Jack says Janet wouldn’t approve of him and Tim being so “far apart.” He says this after he tells him he takes back his threat to send him back to boarding school, which might imply Janet was against the idea of boarding school? Though she obviously lost that argument when she was alive. 

Jack will of course renege on this later, but that’s Jack Drake for you. 

Or here in Tim’s illness induced dream, where he gets everything he wants. Though, since this is a fantasy of Tim’s, where his father and girlfriend are both more accepting and understanding than they are in real life, I would take this depiction of Janet with a grain of salt. 

After loosing Drake Industries, Jack thinks about Janet (though, they call her Catherine/Cathy for some fucking reason) during his depressive episode. And... uh... 

Hallucinates a Valkyrie???? Is this symbolic of suicidal thoughts, or is she... real? Or is he seriously hallucinating? 

Anyway, we’re not here to discuss Jack’s mental state, the fact that he forgot Tim’s birthday, or that concerning “I was going to knock some sense into you but you’re still bigger than me” statement from Tim, we’re here to talk about Janet. And even though this entire arc is about Jack mourning his first wife, they don’t SAY anything about Janet herself at all. I mean, they don’t even get her name right, so I guess what was I expecting. 

Then there’s Origins and Omens, which also doesn’t say anything about Janet, except that Tim’s memory of her is faulty - Janet was poisoned, her assistant Jeremy’s throat was slit on television, but Tim seems to have conflated the death he did see with the death he didn’t. 

The only piece of canon to suggest that Janet might be cold, is Tim compares her to Thalia. And even then, he’s really just saying Janet was protective of him. It’s kind of a scary look to make at your kid, but Bruce does the same thing, so. 

I do want to say... it’s not 100% clear if Tim is even talking about Janet. He could be talking about Dana. Dana was observably protective of Tim, though I don’t think he’s ever called her mom. He PROBABLY means Janet. 

And finally we have Tim visiting his mother’s grave (in a duel Christian/Jewish cemetery, make of that what you will), where Tim says she was “a little religious.”

And that’s it! That is all we know about Janet Drake in New Earth. Hardly the Mom From Hell, but she isn’t perfect. I’d be interested in seeing some alternate depictions of her within the fandom. 

I’m still gonna eat up Terrible Parents From Hell like a starving puppy dog, though. Just some food for creative thought. 

[yjwhatif]

With the semi/cryptic confirmation of Ed and Barts relationship in the series I have a question:

Do you think everyone knows about them (in world) or do you think they’re keeping it secret from some?

It’s just a thought that’s been in my head recently. It is most likely fuelled by the whole drama of G&B not being able to depict a “specific character” (it’s definitely Bart) as gay. They’ve had to hide the relationship from their audience - because of ridiculous reasons - but there are still moments that bring up the question - Are they? Before the reveals from AskGreg, I kinda thought- well they are clearly not together yet, but perhaps they both have feelings for one another and are just waiting for the other to make the next move because they’re nervous idiots who don’t want to have read the situation wrong — all while their friends are like - seriously guys? just get together already. Kinda like they did in s1 with Wally and Artemis - and I guess early Supermartian as well - which I would have been okay with... though with the likelihood of there being at least another two year time skip you’d probably have missed the getting together moment - which would kinda suck. Anyway. With the information about the chances being they were supposed to clearly be in a relationship throughout S3 — which makes the whole structuring of ILLUSIONS just make sense — it’s got me viewing their moments with a whole new energy. Also, I saw this post by Greg —

And let me just clarify, I have no idea if this is actually referencing the Ed and Bart stuff, it might not be (probably isn't). This is purely me speculating.

My reading of this is they got told they couldn’t depict Bart as gay pretty late on and that specifically affected ILLUSIONS where they likely intended to confirm the relationship with that first shot - the kiss on the cheek moment. Even now that moment is just odd - because it’s there but it’s not - because technically there is no actual kiss… which I think is absolutely the point. It plants the seed without actually breaking any rules - all by keeping the momentum but removing the specific kiss frame. It’s the only moment that I feel is explicit in saying they are in a relationship - everything else you can just read into and imply there’s something - but they technically don’t confirm anything.

The whole thing is actually quite interesting - despite the reasoning for it being totally ridiculous. By keeping/showing what they did... People notice it. People talk about it. People reflect on it. More people talk about it. People writing. Make. Create. Discuss it. An entire audience is formed who want and support it. It’s a whole thing now because people noticed it and generated a positive response to it - and that was before all the AskGreg information. The whole reason YJ got a season 3 is because the fans fought to get it back. Enough people talked about it - and kept talking about it - to convince TPTB that the show should come back. Greg and Brandon know this. They know the power the fans have and maybe they hoped that power would help them again in freeing Bart from these ridiculous restrictions. #letbartoutofthecloset

Obviously, we can't know until S4 is released whether G&B got the permission to confirm Bart's sexuality the way they envisioned - but maybe the responses that came during the release of 3b were enough to convince TPTB that they were fighting a losing battle. But who knows, people in power can be very stubborn at times, so we will just have to see what we get. Fingers crossed they eased up though - and not just because of the Ed/Bart relationship (which I am obviously a fan of -- it's fine if not everyone is) - but because these restrictions on LGBTQ+ content shouldn't be a thing and need to stop -- there is just no validity in them.

Anyhow. despite their not being allowed to officially confirm the relationship, Greg's comment about Ed's having a boyfriend they can't name basically confirms the fact without technically breaking any rules again. Masterfully done Wiesman. With this, it implies the pair are in fact dating during S3 which brings us back to the original question... but who knows??

With the comments of Virgil during ILLUSIONS, it's easy to assume their friends do in fact know. They also seem to have no problem being close and interacting with one another whilst in the presence of others -- that is, except for one moment...

Ever since the first time I saw this episode (ELDER WISDOM) I have always found this moment strange - because Ed seems to get kinda awkward when Barry comes to check on Bart. (Or that's how I see it at least.) He realises Flash is standing there and immediately pulls his head down averting his gaze -- almost like he doesn't want to be seen by the elder. But why? Does Barry not know about the pair -- or maybe he doesn't know about Bart and Ed thinks their current closeness is too revealing -- who's to say Bart's even fully out to the world yet -- who's to say either of them are? We certainly don't since we weren't allowed to be shown. We can't know until we know - so until then we can play the speculation game while we wait.

Bart is certainly a bit of a secret keeper when it comes to being himself. I'm still convinced the Bart we see onscreen is merely his interpretation of what he thinks people expect from a speedster in this time. We saw 'real' Bart, he was snarky and cynical and nothing like the Bart we've had for the past two seasons. He said it himself - he's playing a character - and I don't think he knows how to break out of it - not while the possibility exists that it might hurt those he's grown to care about. Bart wants to be seen a certain way to avoid acknowledging the truth of the past - if people see him as happy and smiley, then no one will question him on things he doesn't want to talk about. The problem with that is you can't hide yourself forever - cracks begin to form and eventually, the truth comes out whether you want it to or not. So who knows how comfortable Bart is revealing any of his true self to those he cares about. Maybe his relationship with Ed will be the thing that finally helps him find comfort in being himself, whilst also trusting others to still accept him as himself... and maybe getting him that bit of therapy he really needs.

This brings us to Eduardo… First, can I just say it made me so happy to see Greg’s confirmation of Ed being gay - though it is slightly annoying that he was robbed of his explicit onscreen reveal in S3 thanks to the drama with Bart. His whole relationship to his powers in S2 to S3 fits the representation of coming to terms with your sexuality/identity from a very negative point of view. Feeling like it’s something that needs fixing or needs to be “cured” - to then finding the light and freedom in accepting yourself for you. His growth between seasons is brilliant. He understands the hate and insecurity the teens are feeling because he felt it himself. He does all he can to help them because he never felt he got that help when he needed it - and no one deserves to feel worse for being who they are. Obviously, the things he talks about are framed in the context of dealing with/accepting the meta-gene - yet there are certain moments where it seems he’s saying more than that…

All of which got me wondering - why did Ed originally runaway? It certainly wasn’t because of the meta-abilities he did not yet have. All he’s ever said on the subject was he thought he wanted to be with his father - the man it seems he barely had a relationship with. No, I think Ed has been running from himself for a long time and his dad just happened to be an actual direction for him to aim for. The way he speaks about his wanting to be “cured” and “praying to get rid of his powers” suggests an upbringing around religion and traditional ideas of there being a ‘normal/proper’ way to be — while anything that doesn’t fit that way is treated as other or something that needs to be changed or 'fixed'. Maybe he ran to avoid being found out and run the risk of being ostracised by those he loved. Or maybe he was found out and leaving wasn’t entirely his choice*. If this was the case, I can certainly imagine him not wanting to come out to his dad for fear of his reaction and completely losing all chance of that father-son relationship they’re both trying so hard to keep. It can seem easier to live in secret than risk the reality of loss. So while the meta-gene likely wasn’t the main thing he was angry about in S2, it was able to become a physical thing he could blame and focus his anger on - without having to think about where his issues truly lied… Though with a bit of time it also became the thing he was comfortable conveying his feelings through...

“I’ve learned to accept, even love my meta-abilities”

I love this line so much and it’s all because of the delivery by Freddy Rodrigues. There is the slightest hint of a pause before he says “meta-abilities”, which gives the impression he was about to say something else before then remembering himself and who he was talking to. Then there’s the small inflecion he put on “love”, which makes it sound like it’s the first time he’s heard himself say the words out loud. I don’t hear him talking about the gene - I hear him talking about finally accepting himself - all of himself - for the first time in maybe ever and finally feeling happy because of it. I hear growth... From being the angry 14-year-old skater who just wanted to run away and escape any way he could. To the 16-year-old councillor/Outsider jumping straight into the danger to protect and inspire those who need it. Both he and Bart are such strong characters with so much more to be seen - especially when it comes to the insecurities which lie behind their masks. They both compliment each other pretty perfectly - both powers-wise and personality-wise - meaning while they try to hide themself from others, I don't think it'll take long for them to realise they can't hide from each other.

Anywho, that’s all the speculatary nonsense I’ve got for today. This turned into such a patchwork of vaguely linkable thoughts I’ve had which barely relate to the one I started with - but that is usually how it goes. Take it as you will…

Also, completely unrelated to YJ, but Bi Tim Drake now exists in dc canon which is really cool - seeing all of the joy it’s sparked has really given me something to smile about this week… There is hope after all. 🌈

— LB ⚡️☀️

* OK so here’s a little random snapshot into the chaos of my mind— as I was writing the Ed stuff I had a scene pop into my head of Ed finally -for whatever reason- having to tell his dad that he didn’t leave his abuelo’s home - he got kicked out. His dads confused about this and asks Why? What did you do? And Ed’s like Nothing… I didn’t do anything wrong… he just… found out something. So Seniors like Found out what Eduardo? And Ed’s getting really nervous now because he doesn’t want to say it - That I, um… I’m… Senior step a fraction closer as he picks up on Ed’s anxiety but remains an appropriate distance - Son? Then after a tensening silence he finally says it - sounding the most vulnerable he has ever been - I’m gay… The silence is there again, heavy and unnerving, neither saying a word. Ed can’t move as he’s lock in his elders unreadable glare. Expecting the worse his head drops to take in the floor - anything that isn’t the disappointment ahead - he feels the urge to disappear burning up inside him - consuming him. Then just as he’s about to escape he’s suddenly grounded by a steadying hand rooting itself on his shoulder. Tentatively he lifts his gaze to witness his father, there, with nothing but love and support in his eyes - Mijo. The clamping in his chest dissipates as all the tension escapes at once, along with the breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. Ed embraces his dad and the elder embraces his son. Together. A family.

Anyway. That’s probably a load of rubbish but hey my minds full of it… but basically I really want to see a tender moment between Ed and his dad. For whatever reason. Something where Ed’s in a vulnerable state and in need of some emotional support from his father - and without hesitation his father steps up - because that’s what we haven’t seen from them yet. It would perfectly portray the strength of their relationship as father and son - despite their previous struggles - and prove that Senior is willing to support his son no matter the situation as the father - not just the scientist. Its the final step in their healing journey and I wanna see it so bad!!

[potteresque-ire]

This is a response to @rainbowsky​ ‘s questions about BJYX, as the original post got too long for reblogging (I hope this is okay!). 1) Should we be worried about GG and DD being outed? I often think about what it’s like to be in the closet and I know how it feels to need to be SEEN. But I also understand the reasons why that might not be an option for them. Still, I worry about them being involuntarily outed. There are so many antis after them.

 2) What would you speculate is the likelihood of this ever happening, and what might be the consequences if it happened?Is leaving an option for them, even as a distant goal years from now?

3)Does their fame and popularity hold any protective power in the situation (i.e. if they were to come out or be outed, would public opinion about what might happen to them have any impact on the outcome given the nature of the regime)? To what degree would that depend on how much money they are still able to make for interested parties?

My response is under the cut, as it got long, as usual ~

@rainbowsky, you’re among the first BXGs I followed! I’d like to thank you for your insightful posts as well!

Your questions ~ I don’t think I’m qualified to speculate because I’m still a very new turtle and also because of the volatility as well as inconsistencies of China’s sociopolitical policies. I do have a better sense of China’s politics than most international fans, but I also don’t live there and the only way to truly understand how things work at the ground level in a non-transparent country like China is to be there.

(For example, China has officially banned Christmas celebrations  for the last several years, but as we saw last week, commercials remain very “Christmas-sy” and Chinese fans happily said Merry Christmas to each other. It takes someone who lives inside to know where to draw the line — what is permitted by the state and what isn’t — when the line shifts and adjusts accordingly.)

Here’re my thoughts, as of today (2020/12/31): if the perpetrator is only some segment of the fandom and the purpose is merely to knock them off the popularity pedestal, outing isn’t a particularly effective way to do so. Homosexuality, being a highly regulated subject in Chinese news and social media, is likely to mean limit transmission of the accusations. The accuser also has to run to risk of being banned themselves first. Also, with BJYX + ZSWW + LSFY being the sizes they are, the people who will most consider turning against gg and dd, ie, the solo fans, have probably already heard something. Some will leave, but the news won’t be a bombshell to them.

The next possibility is if a legal case becomes possible, ie. if China suddenly outlaws homosexuality. This scenario may seem the most dire on the surface but is also one that I least worry about, because with China’s judiciary system being very biased to those in power, if someone wants to frame gg and dd, they do not need to use sexuality as the accusation and subject themselves to the same restrictions as mentioned above. Tax evasion, as @peekbackstage has mentioned with the actress Fan Bing Bing, is far easier, because it tends the turn the audience against the defendant: these stars are making so much money and yet they’re not contributing their share! And as long as the accusers have sufficient power — remembering that commercial and political power are married in the country — the accuser can make up any evidence to suit their needs for any crime.

The third possibility is what I see as the worst case scenario: that the government decides they don’t want their major stars / entertainment industry to be *perceived* as queer — whether the stars are officially out doesn’t matter — and signals the media and commercial companies to stop using any “suspect” star altogether. (Chinese term: 封殺). This is the case of career murder without blood —  laws aren’t changed; all the fans will hear are rumours confirmed by nobody. I see this as a possibility because of the Xi regime’s view of The Ideal Men , and my admittedly limited experience with dealing with older generations of Chinese, who I’ve found tend to confuse perceived femininity in men with queerness. I think, and this is only my opinion, that the sheer amount of adapted BL dramas in production (the so-called “dangai 耽改 101” phenomenon) and the heated discussions of them on Weibo will at some point trigger the government (which is made mostly of older generations Chinese). Even if gg and dd don’t do anything, should the government decide these adapted BL dramas, even after the elimination of their queer element, are “non mainstream socialist core values”, all the major people involved with the Untamed—arguably the classic and the drama whose success all these follow-ups are trying to imitate—can be cast as the culprit. If the same officials become aware of BJYX and if they’re somehow convinced that BJYXSZD, it can be easy be used as evidence of the bad influence these dramas can do—“they can turn people gay”—and it doesn’t help that according to reports, gg, at least, used to have a girlfriend.

Something more to consider: Gg and dd are also in a very special position now, in that not only are they immensely popular in China, no other native mainland Chinese stars have achieved this level of international fame with a native mainland Chinese production (ie, not a production from Hollywood, Hong Kong or Taiwan, or with a Kpop band). As such, they are likely subjected to high levels of scrutiny from the state. Depending on who’s in charge in the appropriate department, they may decide gg and dd have to be China’s image; they may have a set idea of what image it is and most likely, it won’t be queer. 2021 and the first quarter of 2022 are special times for China, image wise, both at home and abroad. 2021 is the 100th anniversary of the Chinese Communist Party, and gg and dd are both starring in its propaganda productions (dd as a police in BAH and gg as an army officer in AT). CCTV, the state-controlled TV station, is already promoting these shows. So, for 2021, gg and dd are slated to not only be the faces of Chinese entertainment, but also the image of Chinese uniformed forces. If gg and dd come out or are outed, their allowing themselves to be being perceived as queer while donning uniforms will most likely to be viewed by the current regime as an embarrassment; a career murder, then, is an apt response to such transgression. 2022 is the year of Beijing’s Winter Olympics, so again, it’s the time where image matters.

You may have noticed a pattern, as I have as I write this up: them being outed is something to worry about, but also ... nothing more than anything else. If someone wants to tear gg and dd down — and there will be, given their massive commercial power right now and the increasing evidence that they’re working more like collaborators than competitors (ie, they aren’t about to tear each other down any time soon) — they do not need their sexuality as a reason.

(And if these accusers really want to use homosexuality as a reason, the unofficial BTS is, IMO, more than enough, as long as the accusers have sufficient power.)

Your other question ~ can gg and dd’s fame, popularity, and ability to draw consumers protect them? My (slightly) educated guess of the answer, then, is that it’s very much a double-edged sword. Indeed, the one major thing that may be going for these adapted BL dramas, and for those who come to superstardom to it — with gg and dd being the prime examples — is the economic health of China, which, by some reports that can no way be verified, are far worse than what has been reported. This is the thing about countries lack transparency; without reliable news, there’s no way to get the facts. Reports on China outside the country tend to be either propaganda or demonising / filled with conspiracy theories, and the truth is probably somewhere in between. If the reports of poor economy are true, the commercial sector — which, again, is tied to those with political power; ie the money made in the former goes into the pockets of the latter — desperately needs stars like gg and dd to move products (based on those recent consumer reports!) and with that, it will want to keep gg and dd and these dramas that can potentially make more gg and dd around. This *seems* to be what’s happening so far, with the the state-run media happy to show gg and dd’s dramas (when it should know, at least, that they got to the height of their fame playing lovers-not-lovers) and gg and dd’s sponsors not-so-subtly wooing the BJYX segment of fandom, so I’m tentatively optimistic. However, the current regime has also shown a willingness to sacrifice the economy for the sake of political ideology, so it’s not something to be taken for granted. (What’s going on in Hong Kong is a good example of that.)

(I always think, eat each candy like it can be the last one. With this regime, it can be. We can wake up tomorrow and gg and dd have to break up BJYX to protect the fans.)

(I always think, treasure, treasure, treasure. Ask for more dy and lz and Weibo posts, but never anymore from gg and dd when it comes to insights of their relationship, even without considering it’s actually their private lives and they’re under no obligation to share.)

(They’ve shared with us far more than enough.)

There’s really no precedence for us to predict the future of an outed gg and dd from, as far as I know. Confirmed queer stars in Chinese entertainment (those with sufficient followers to make news) have all been from Hong Kong, Taiwan and other countries. The successful BL dramas before The Untamed — Addicted (2016) and The Guardian (2018) — didn’t have a real-person cp that truly took off. Addicted, a true BL drama (ie, it retained the queer elements), was banned before it finished its broadcast. The two actors were also banned from appearing together afterwards, and this “signal” from the government almost cost the two actors their career. Bai Yu from The Guardian, meanwhile, already had a girlfriend as he filmed, so there was never a Weibo supertopic dedicated to him and Zhu Yilong. gg and dd, along with their millions of turtles, are treading untrodden ground.

Something I should clarify ~ all the things I said above may sound very scary to international fans, but to those who live in the country, they understand it as the way things are, and they strategise and move accordingly. This is their way of life. What I wanted to say, in my first reblog, is that we who’re outside may not understand why they do things the way they do, why they don’t, for example, come out with all the candies they are spending so much effort to give out, but I do believe that gg and dd have a plan, not in the sense that they’re scheming or trying to trick anyone, but that they are moving things along at the pace necessary to meet the pre-requisites for the outcome they want. What this outcome is is anyone’s guess, mine being that they have the freedom to work together, not necessary in lover’s capacity — most of us are not required to perform our day jobs carrying our identity as so-and-so’s significant other and gg and dd shouldn’t be exceptions — but as colleagues, professionals and friends (lovers are friends). 

To some international fans, this may sound implausible, ridiculous: why do they need a multi year campaign for something as simple as this? As working together again? And I suppose, all these words I’ve typed so far is my attempt to answer this question, to ease the … unease, the frustration of those who may not understand. True to its marxist root, perhaps, many things that are considered mindless, effortless tasks elsewhere somehow become battles, grand struggles of sorts in China. That sea of sea lights on the night of Tencent awards, for example? It was the result of gg’s fans fighting, strategising in real time to smuggle those LED banners in when they realised the venue had forbidden their entry. They wrapped the banners around their bodies under their underwear because they were patted down by security at the underwear level; they hid batteries in their shoes. They ran batteries from one zone in the stadium to another during the whole show for whose who only managed to smuggle in banners or batteries. They fought the security guards inside the stadium, who continued to snatch away their banners even after seeing they were merely support material for the idols. They fought and fought, despite their identities were recorded by their COVID pass and facial recognition. Many confessed they had no idea what gg was singing during the show; they were too busy. They were there, some paying scalpers > 10x the ticket price, just because they promised the sea of red would be there for gg when he returned. When some realised dd’s banners were confiscated in high numbers because his fans happened to have seats right by the strictest security, they improvised, found an image of a green block to show on their cell phones to make makeshift green support lights for dd. They used Weibo to spread this trick to fellow fans. All these trouble, all these effort, all these planning and scheming and sweat and tears — all for one night, one concert and they laughed about it, called it a wonderful day.

(There are many ways for lives to be hard.)

The very first thing gg and dd need to accomplish, therefore, isn’t to announce what they do in the bedroom—the very first thing they need, for their plan to come to fruition, is to stay on top of the industry. How can they be on the same stage for the yearly Tencent Awards if either of them fails to make VIP? What’s their negotiation chip for a future collaboration, when the current norm is against cps like them working together again, if they cannot draw enough viewers and consumers, or if they offend Tencent and other media companies by refusing to see to the needs of the other side (for example, the need to promote new dramas)? So far, the two of them have accomplished this in flying colours. The other thing they need right now, the way I see it, is for their fans to get along. I think part of the reason they’ve made BJYXSZD so easy to believe in and love, in addition to their very human need to be seen when their careers may be safer otherwise (yes, I think they know what they’re doing, the candies they’re throwing), is because they want their fans to unite, as they have united. To make sure something like 227 cannot happen again, or at least, if it does happen again, their fans cannot be used as an excuse, as scapegoats. And this union is happening — slowly, but it’s happening. The size of BJYX (>2.8 million as of now, on Weibo supertopic) is a powerful indicator; I also had a wonderful time reading the comments of gg’s solo fans who went to purchase dd’s new song. This is the part gg and dd need their fan’s help. This is the one of the fews things we, as overseas fans who have limited access to their products, can help.

Your final question — sorry, this is getting so long again — about leaving. Of course, it’s always up to the government and It’s impossible to say what can happen so far ahead. But my perception, right now at least, is that gg and dd have no intention to leave, no intention to sacrifice their career for their personal lives and vice versa. After all, this is a pair who has answered those A vs B choice questions with a straight-faced “I want both” and “so annoying” without a follow-up reply. They’re right to want both. I like them for wanting both. And maybe, with their intelligence, charisma and hardwork and ambition and personalities that seem to clash but somehow complements each other’s, they will figure out a way. Maybe they are, as the Chinese turtles call them, the Chosen Pair, and they will be the ones who’ll change the perception fo queer artists in China, and we’ll one day get a biography about them and laugh at the candies we get right, laugh harder at those candies we get totally wrong.

(Dd ~ I want your honest opinion, in your own words, on the ones we get wrong.)

(Gg ~ videos of your expressions while reading the crazy theories the first time will be very much appreciated. By me.)

It’s a good day to look forward to.

[hidethisblogjfc]

Sorry if this is terrible lol

Warnings- Mentions of stuffing, Scat, Eprocto, messing, brief mentions of omo (but I'm not really into that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

Boxes from varying take out restaurants are littered around them, everything from Chinese from that questionable hole in the wall down the street, to a popular burger joint a couple blocks over. They aren't all from just one day, no, some of these are from dinner five days go. They've never been as good at keeping up with the cleaning as B is, or perhaps, A thinks, this slobby behavior is just a consequence the laziness that accompanies their...…over indulging.

By now, B has been gone on their overseas business trip for about five days, which means that A has two days to get everything back into unassuming order, though, part of A warns that maybe they should get around to it sooner, rather than later. Still, they ignore it, because it just feels so good to live out their fantasy, especially after keeping it under close wraps for so, so long.

A loves B, they do, with everything in them, but there are just some things that they're almost positive B won't get behind, and so, its been easier to hide their less than conventional desires; only getting an extra serving of fries as opposed to the additional burger or two that they want, or getting a large soda instead of that extra large milkshake. Usually, A wishes that they could take things further than just a handful of fries and sugary pop, they want to push their body, see how much they can eat before they're too full to move, become an almost permanent resident of the living room sofa, only giving the weighed down cushions a break when they lug their heavy frame to bed. For as long as they could remember, that's the life that A has dreamed of. But it's quite possible that B, who's notoriously clean, neat and healthy would be absolutely repulsed by just the idea.

And A loves B too much to lose them.

But they also wish they could have that life, that dream, with their partner.

But they can't.

Which is why when B came home one day, announcing that they're cushy job, would be sending them away for a week of seminars, the idea had bloomed in A's head; this was their chance. At first A felt a little guilty, especially when the first delivery guy had shown up, both arms filled with A's order, making a joke about how they must having been having a party, because conventionally, one simply doesn't order off half the menu unless there's company. And then, when they'd offered up the card that B religiously maintains for them, A had felt even worse; they were lying to the person they loved.

But then A popped that first egg roll into their mouth. The crispiness of the egg dipped shell crunching between their teeth, the explosion of flavors; oily, fried cabbage and carrots, melding with the saltiness of soy sauce and the juicy meat inside, had them moaning in pleasure. By the time the first delicious roll was through, and A glanced down at their lap, seeing that there were five more to go, all remnants of contrition seemed to dissipate. For the first time in years, they could eat without someone at their side, reminding them to take it easy so they don't make themselves sick.

That night, the first one after B's temporary departure, A had surprised themselves by finishing everything they'd ordered. Granted, it was past one am when they'd popped the last dumpling into their mouth, and they most definitely couldn't move after, but that was all part of the fun.

Things became even more fun when all that greasy food had started digesting, or at least, tried to. A was no laid on the sofa, the blue light from the television illuminating room, t-shirt bunched up at their chest and their hand splayed on their bare, bloated gut. Loud, deep belches plagued them for a while, the scent acting as a reminder of everything they'd scarfed down; eggrolls, noodles, orange chicken and stuffed dumplings, all washed down with two liters of their favorite soda, straight from the bottle.

Ever so often, A would groan following a protesting gurgle emanating from their over worked tummy, and eventually, those gurgles and that audible sloshing, slowly began making its rounds through their system. They weren't ready for the toilet yet though; fetid gas had just started being expelled into the chair, creating a humid cloud around them and joining their wet burps.

As much as it hurt though, and as foul as their gassy emissions were, A could hardly find it in their being to be remorseful. The gas continued through the late night, progressively growing sloppier, with a dangerous moisture accompanying each drawn out, bubbling fart. Yet, despite the symphony created by their ass, their gut didn't deflate one bit, instead it continued to press against the waistband of A's sweat pants, stained at the front with sauces from their adventurous dinner. A hadn't gone to bed that night, opting to spend the night dozing off in front of the television, occasionally rousing to drowsily rub large circles on their tum.

It was early the next morning when a particularly harsh cramp gripped their tummy, squeezing out a long fart, reminiscent of a liquidly gurgle from their ass, ended in a loud squelch. The new slimy warmth seeping past their crack and spreading around the seat of their underwear made what had happened glaringly obvious, while the musky air had taken on a new foulness.

Briefly, they'd contemplated standing up, and heading to the toilet like they usually would, but the feeling of their sloppy mess gathered in their undies brought an incomparable pleasure, and so instead of standing, A simply turned on their side, bending their knees slightly, so their butt wouldn't be pressed into sofa. A short, primal grunt pressed their lips together in a tight line as they pushed, a blort audible over the hum of a morning show as a larger batch of runny poop landed in their pants.

"Oh fuck," they hissed, reliving their bladder too, creating a dark wet patch on the front of their sweats to match to one at the back. The thick, pee soaked fabric clung to their thighs, while at the back, the mess made it pull away from their skin.

Their tummy groaned angrily, bubbling under A's palm as their load came effortlessly, soft lumps stretching the puckered, swollen lips of their anus. The semi-solid masses were occasionally interrupted by waves of pure mush, making a sickly burbling sound as it joined the impressive load in their underwear, making it wetter and heavy. It felt like waves of thick, warm sludge was just steadily flowing out of them, as if a tap had been opened.

Eventually when A stood, they could still manage brief, packed toots, though, unless they wanted to risk the integrity of the sofa, they'd had to finish up in the bathroom.

That, was going on five days ago. Now, A has let go even further, eating whatever they want guiltlessly, making their pants double as their bathroom, regardless of wherever they are in the house, and showering only when whatever they're wearing threatens to leave telling stains on the furniture. It feels like they're living an absolute dream; a slobby, smelly dream. Though, in two days, its back to normal.

Two days, forty-eight hours, countless minutes. It's a ways away, so A figures that they can get away with their questionable hygiene and eating habits for a while longer, and with that in mind, they linger among the clutter they've created, sitting in their eggy stink with the television playing reruns of their favorite show, as they wait for dinner to arrive, a generous selection from the bar-b-que place a couple blocks away.

It's late, and while their latest pair of sweats is a bit tighter than usual because of the perpetual bloat they've acquired over the past few days and even a little stained from misjudging a couple farts, A's pants are mostly dry and somewhat clean. They've already decided that they won't give a shower too much thought until the next morning, and the evidence of their latest raid of the snack cabinet is littered around them. It feels like heaven, that is, until from down the hall, they hear keys jingling in the door.

And there's only one person beside them with a key. The other person that lives there, A's unassuming partner; B.

They're early!

"Shit," in the haste to stand up, the pressure on their on their pudgy tummy pushes out a rumbling fart, only worsening the stench in the room, and suddenly, what mere minutes ago felt like ultimate bliss feels like a cruel punishment. B can't see them like this.

"A?" A can hear the curiosity peaked in B's tone, and they know its because the musky odor has long travelled down the downstairs hall of their condo, "Baby what's-"

A desperately tries to greet B nearer to the door, and hopefully stall, before they can witness their unofficial base of operations, but they're too slow and they're just pushing aside some of the empty boxes and soda cans when B enters, one of their carry-on's slipping from their shoulder and falling onto the typically pristine marble floor, jaw hanging slack in surprise. Cautiously, B probes, "Did you have a party or something?"

With their already dodgy stomach knotting with nerves, A shakes their head; B probably gonna figure it out anyway. A hasn't even though about it at this point, but B pays all of the credit card bills, just one look at the next one is gonna give away what they'd planned on hiding. Really, it's best they just tell the truth. "No," A croaks, wringing their fingers in front of their distended tummy, squeezing their musky cheeks closed to keep a barrage of nervous gas at bay.

The shock on B's face is unwavering, and it takes a moment before they're finally able to muster up their next questions, "You ate all of this? This is...…all you?" A is just noticing the slight scrunch in B's nose, and it only fuels the fear that the end of their relationship is inevitable. Why would someone like B want to be with A, they think and there isn't a way in their mind that this is going to work.

"Yeah," A nods, embarrassed.

B seems like they're about to say something, but their thoughts are interrupted by a buzz on the intercom;

A's food is here.

And they have a lot to talk about

[babygirlgalitzine]

i’d love you to love me (ao3)

it starts out with a pact. neither of them will date, until they can both find people to date. except, they don't expect to be honouring that years later, and when jay starts to fall in love with lola, he realises that it's time for ben to date someone too. in the most chaotic way possible.

or, a vague 10 things i hate about you au.

-

It’s a miserable day. The sky is an unrelentingly dark grey shade, cascading for miles and miles with no end in sight. The rain has been pouring down all day, and the wind mixes with it, causing the rain to hit against windows, creating a rattling sound all over. It’s that horrible misty spray that means Ben can’t even see that far in front of him, though he knows his way around Walford that well now that he really doesn’t have to look to see where he’s going. Jay’s walking out in front of him, a breaking leather ball at his feet, scraping along the wet pavement with an awful sounding scratch.

“It’s freezing!” Ben shouts over the rain, and he watches in awe somewhat, as raindrops fall onto his eyelashes, tiny little droplets clinging on for dear life. It’s true, it is freezing. The torrential rain bounces up off of the pavement and clings to his socks, climbing up onto his grey school trousers and staining them darker and darker as time goes by. There’s not a single part of him that isn’t shivering and wet, but he and Jay have a routine now, one that happens regardless of the weather.

The school’s over bell will ring out just after three, a shrieking tinny noise, one that’s surely going to be imprinted on everyone’s brain for years to come. Ben will stand next to the doors at the side of school, and then Jay will follow moments later, catching up with him. It goes unspoken, because this routine has been going on for so long without ever changing, that they’ll walk home together, strolling into a corner shop and getting as many sweets as possible, before going to their local park and staying there until they have to go home for whatever reason.

“Oh come on!” Jay turns his entire body and starts to walk backwards, the wind blowing his hood down within seconds and he scrambles to put it back up, though it’s in vain. “Are you telling me you want to go back home already? Because I know for certain you have science homework to do, and so does your mum.”

Ben looks to the ground, watching the raindrops splashing into the puddles and breaking into even tinier pieces before falling back down again. It’s almost relaxing to watch it, or it would be, if his hands weren’t currently frozen completely numb. “My mum’s got science work to do, has she?” He asks cheekily, but he knows Jay’s right. Jay’s always right. He knows that the second he walks through his door, he’s going to have to spend the rest of the evening doing his work for tomorrow, and he couldn’t think of anything worse than that, so staying at the park in the pouring rain wins yet again.

He manages to look up in time to see Jay roll his eyes, and he kicks his ball back towards Ben as they walk in the direction of the park. “You need a new ball, mate.” Ben comments, picking it up and throwing it back at Jay. He regrets picking it up, because the ball’s been collecting that much water as Jay kicked at it all the way home that it’s sopping wet and heavy.

“I know.” Jay replies, and they turn into the park. Ben’s got nowhere to sit, his usual place on the swing is collecting a puddle of muddy water underneath so the idea of sitting there doesn’t even cross his mind. Instead, he sits on the small brick wall, resting on the very edges of his coat to try and minimise how sopping wet his trousers are going to be when he eventually stands up. He realises that it probably won’t do anything sufficiently, and he’s going to be cold and wet regardless. There’s a silence that grows between them for a moment or two, but that’s normal. Jay kicks the ball against the wall that Ben’s sitting on and they both watch as chips of the bricks start to crumble away and swirl away in a stream of a puddle that runs downhill. “What happened in science today?” Jay asks, breaking the comfortable silence.

Ben huffs out a laugh, more sarcastic than anything else, because he’s been waiting all day for Jay to ask him, or at least, since the class directly before lunch. “Nothing.” He says, and then he looks down the road and sees cars driving slowly, headlights on full beam.

Jay nods slowly. “Right. So you’ve spent all day in a mood, for nothing? Makes a whole lot of sense that does, Ben.” He pauses. “I’m your brother. You’re supposed to tell me everything.”

Brother. It’s such a simple word. Of course, biologically, they aren’t brothers, but in every other sense of the word they are. They’ve been inseparable from the day they first met.

“I overheard Connor and Sarah talking.” Ben says, and he already he knows he sounds stupid for even being remotely bothered about this. “Saying that nobody would ever want to be with you, because I’m here scaring them off.”

“And you’re bothered about that?” Jay lets out a soft chuckle, resting his foot on the top of the ball. “Mate, I couldn’t care less about getting with anyone right now. Tell you what though, I wouldn’t be interested in anyone unless they wanted to be around you too. We’re a package deal, you and me.”

Ben looks up and rolls his eyes. “That supposed to be making me feel better, is it?” He laughs.

“If you were anyone else I’d be hurt by that.” Jay comments and kicks the ball a final time against the wall, so hard that Ben feels the wall shake slightly underneath him, and even more of the brick crumbles to the ground.

The rain doesn’t seem to be letting up anytime soon, and they’re both starting to get far too cold and hungry and wet. The grey sky does seem to be getting darker though, and that’s probably a sign for it both getting later, and the weather getting worse.

“How about we make a pact?” Jay asks, though it’s clear that he doesn’t think of the implication of his words before he speaks, if the shock on his own face is anything to go by. The wind blows down his hood once again as it whistles and swirls around them, causing ripples in the puddles.

“What pact?” Ben asks, getting to his feet and swinging his bag across his body.

Jay shrugs as he tries to think. “How about, we don’t date anyone, until we’ve both found people to date.”

It’s completely and utterly ridiculous, and they’re both well aware of that fact. But they’re also both just a few weeks away from turning sixteen years old and if they’re being completely honest, neither of them have anything better to do with their time.

There’s a silence between them for a moment as Ben tries to take in Jay’s words and then slowly but surely, he nods. “Yeah.” Ben whispers out, and he can barely hear his own voice above the deluge of rain, with heavy and harsh droplets falling around them. “Go on then.”

So that’s it. Ben agrees to the pact, and from that day on, it becomes Ben and Jay’s rule.

Neither of them would date anyone, until they both found someone to date.

It’s just that, the pact was never supposed to last as long as it has.

It’s over two years later, and Ben and Jay are still in Walford. They’re probably always going to be stuck in Walford really - they know far too many people who have tried to get out into the world, only to come back not long after. They’re both still just as inseparable, and again, that’s something that is probably never going to change. The pact is still there, it’s still something that they talk about occasionally, laughing at how ridiculous it is, and yet, it still stands, though not through a lack of trying.

Nobody has really shown Ben much interest over the last two years, besides the occasional man at a party or a club, but nothing long standing. Perhaps it’s because he still lives in Walford, around so many of the people he’s known his entire life. In such a small place, everyone knows everyone and knows everything about everyone. It’s not exactly the best place in the world to be finding a partner, even less to find a gay man.

Or it could be because of the fact that Ben's got this wall surrounding him, built up so high, guarding him and protecting him from any hurt that could possibly come his way. Probably both, really. But still, nobody has ever met Ben and shown an interest in wanting to break down his wall. Ever. The story was the same for Jay as well. Nobody ever showed an interest in him, but because everyone already knew about the pact. That was, until Lola came into his life.

They’re sitting in the Queen Vic, at a circular table right in the far corner of the room. They can see almost everyone else in the building, all at their own tables or standing against the bar, chatting away and laughing. There’s even people playing darts, walking to and from the board, doing the maths in their head. In their own little space, they’re sitting at a wobbly table of three: Ben, Jay and Lola.

It’s not unusual for the three of them to be sitting together, though it probably looks unconventional from the outside looking in, especially given the fact that Jay’s got one hand outstretched, holding onto the back of Lola’s chair protectively. Ben’s definitely more than aware that he looks like a spare part, a third wheel. He knows it too. But Lola was the one to invite him along for a few drinks, though they all know she’s got an ulterior motive. She knows about the pact now. It didn’t take long for her to find out, really. From the moment her and Jay started to get close, he told her about it, and although she laughed at first because really, it is a ridiculous pact to have, she’s now taking it upon herself to make sure the pact ends, once and for all.

Lola’s got her phone in her hand, scrolling through it with a smile on her face. She keeps looking up at Jay and nodding her head silently, looking at him expectantly and then, when he shakes his head, she continues scrolling.

“Really good conversation guys, thanks for this.” Ben jokingly states, rolling his eyes to the back of his head.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to The Albert after this?” Lola asks, sipping on her vodka and orange.

Ben glares at Jay, knowing that Jay’s told Lola about how he’s refusing to go in there after last time. “More than sure.” He says, draining the last of his beer. “Another?” He tries to stand up, but Lola’s too quick for him, dropping her phone onto the table harshly and reaching out and grabbing his hand.

“It was one idiot, Ben.” She says warmly. “Don’t let that ruin your experience.”

He smiles tightly, but he doesn’t want to hear it. He mutters something about going to the toilet, because he doesn’t want to hear about how his first time in a gay bar was ruined by some idiot starting a fight outside, throwing about homophobic slurs and punching anyone he could get his hands onto, including Ben. He takes his time in the bathroom, throwing some water on his face in an attempt to calm himself down, and when he feels better, he rejoins Jay and Lola.

“Sorry.” He says sincerely, sitting back down at the table.

Jay shrugs his shoulders. “It’s fine mate. But Lo’s right, you know? You’re young and you’re single. You should be doing what everyone our age does and go out. Don’t let one prick stop you from wanting to do that. You deserve to be able to go to whatever bar you want to go to.”

“I know.” Ben says, smiling. “Just give me time, yeah? And then we can all go out together.”

Lola perks up at that, because she’s been begging and pleading to go to a gay bar for months now, ever since The Albert first opened it’s doors. “I could easily set you up with someone you know?” Lola says absentmindedly. “You just give me your word, and I’ll find someone.”

Ben huffs out a laugh at that, and his eyes flicker up to Jay, just in time to catch him rolling his eyes at Ben’s reaction. “Know every gay man in the area, do ya?” He chuckles, but at least it’s a genuinely happy laugh. He likes Lola, he really does. Jay really went and found someone that fit perfectly within their dynamic, and he loves him for that, because nothing would be more awkward than Ben not liking Jay’s girlfriend, or her not liking Ben. But Ben can see that Jay really likes Lola - really likes her - and they’re so good for each other. It’s obvious to see.

“That’d be impossible.” She berates, rolling her eyes. “But I definitely know a few!”

She’s looking at Ben with those puppy dog eyes and Jay’s chuckling under his breath because he knows that Ben’s going to break any second now. “Oh my God!” She practically squeals. “We could go on double dates too!”

Ben’s eyes go wide at that, and Jay just about covers up the splutter of his pint behind a cough, but Ben sees right through him.

Lola looks at Jay, practically begging him for his help to get Ben onside. “Look Ben mate, I love you, yeah? We’re not asking you to marry the next person who walks through the door, but at least try. Just go on a few dates, find out what you like. You never know.”

Ben knows he’s being stupid. He knows that now’s the time he should probably try and go on a few dates here and there, and make an attempt at letting his wall come down and try to be happy. He knows that. It’s still scary though. Terrifying, in fact. He looks between Jay and Lola, and gives in, sighing. “Fine.” He exhales, and he barely has a chance to breathe before Lola’s practically leaping over the table to hug him half to death, squealing right in his ear.

When Lola finally peels herself off of Ben, and he rubs his face in hands, Lola speaks giddily. “I’ve got the perfect person, his name is Callum.”

This is happening.

[wincore]

youngblood | lee donghyuck

pairing: haechan x reader

words: 9.1k

genre: ‘bad boy’!au, fluff, angst(?)

warnings: language, juvenile crimes (do NOT try shoplifting, speeding and vandalism, kids)

a/n: okay omg i finally got around to editing this and you guys should know by now this au doesn’t mean he’s bad and just.........annoying........... (also it follows troublemaker’s style but like............it might just be my fav troublemaker part aaaa)

The first day you meet Lee Donghyuck, he picks a fight with you. Or you pick a fight with him.

That’s not how the first day of high school should have gone.

It surprised you, just a little, to be toe-to-toe with someone so easily. Did he like picking fights for fun? You looked him up and down, the ink over his forearm meant to be shown and a strange friendliness in his eyes. Not exactly the bully type, you weren’t sure what to make of him. Movies spoil reality when it comes to things like this. Rumors are even worse. You took a slow gulp anyway, Donghyuck’s eyes on you unnerving.

He leaned in slightly to match your height. His tone was lilting and he phrased his words light-heartedly, a pretence you found funny. “I have no interest in you, kid. I’m going to keep it that way.”

“We’re the same age, you know?”

Your reply went unheard. It was just misunderstanding that got you there—you mistook his locker for yours and it’s not your fault you happen to have the same passcode (a little weird though, definitely). Lee Donghyuck said if you were allowed to take what’s his, he should have the same privilege, the word thief at the tip of his tongue. He was a little daunting, you suppose—taller than you were, in all black and several piercings and tattoos poking out on wrists. Maybe it was the undulating rage of being fourteen and at the stage of heavy regret in later years, maybe it was the wariness around strangers. You weren’t quite afraid of him; just that a fight on your first day didn’t seem like a very bright start in a new city. Although you assured him you didn’t touch his stuff, you handed him your bear-shaped keychain. (“You can have this if you want a gift so bad.”)

When Donghyuck laughed, giving it back almost immediately with a cheeky grin—you couldn’t decide whether to let the confusion show on your face.

“Don’t be a pushover, newbie.”

You frowned. “Who’re you calling a pushover?”

You don’t remember the rest of it but you found it very hard to not have mixed feelings about him. You’re trying to have a normal fun high school life for fuck’s sake. You didn’t think he was the awful sort of person—but it was almost as if he was trouble’s very own lovechild. There are better weapons against him than falling into pointless playfights.

Lee Donghyuck. Funny guy.

The school bully image was a lie, no doubt spread by someone more than annoyed with his antics. Of course, Lee Donghyuck either didn’t care or didn’t know, wits always about him like some sort of eccentric defence mechanism.

You admire him in a way, but you wouldn’t be caught dead telling him that.

Lee Donghyuck is popular, full of jokes and fun but a little rough on the edges all the same. But you have to assume he must have some demonic heritage. You could say you have a strange relationship—friends but not. You hate him but don’t. While you’re sure there’s at least a little bit of sunshine hidden beneath those black T-shirts and inked skin, there’s a bit more than hidden sides to young troublemakers—things that don’t involve misunderstanding.

Lee Donghyuck looks like danger. (And danger attracts attention of all kinds, you’d noticed in a few unfortunate heart-eyed classmates.) You’ve seen him in enough fights to have respect for him, making you wonder why he doesn’t join the debate team already. It might have something to do with how his victorious smile gets on everyone’s nerves, the way they groan at Donghyuck’s sudden affections afterward. They don’t hate him—mostly. He’s honest and he knows exactly how to press people. That doesn’t change the innocence in his arrogance or the clear distinction of his spirit.

Of course there are bad people; Donghyuck just isn’t one of them. He just tries too hard to look cool. (“Sunflower,” he’d called you, pulling a face. “I know you’re dense. But maybe start being afraid of me so you don’t ruin my reputation.”)

The sunlight falls against the web of your thumb, your fingers rapidly moving to match the pace of the game on your phone. Five minutes to class, you’ve got nothing better to do.

“What, trying to beat my high score again?” Donghyuck pulls the chair beside you to sit, his arms resting on the desk as he continues to stare at you.

“Believe me, Donghyuck, not everything I do is for you,” you chuckle, tapping on the play again button, catching the look on his face out of the corner of your eye.

Donghyuck looks visibly irked and you think maybe your decision to be so annoyingly passive has been the right one if it bothers him. Ah, but you won’t tell him that. You’re having the time of your life this way.

“Well,” Donghyuck begins but frowns instead. “Whatever.”

It’s not every day you get to win—Donghyuck does get under your skin. You just don’t have to show it. Sometimes his own friends decide they’ve had enough, the classroom shenanigans making you laugh. You don’t want to get started on the chaos that unfurls every time Donghyuck walks into class and straight up picks a fight with anyone in his eyesight—even Jaemin has his “Lee Donghyuck!” moments. Donghyuck is friends with everyone and that means he gets to get on everyone’s nerves.

You smile to yourself thinking of Donghyuck yawning deliberately at Renjun trying to make a point. Call him a demon, call him a disgrace; he knows how to make people laugh.

You pass Red’s diner on your way back home, as usual, the unusual red and white checkers replacing the normal concrete sidewalk by it. It’s always soothed you to see bright colours in this side of the city, the beige and coffee aesthetic far too dominating for its cause—something to keep up with the larger, fancier (more pretentious) metropolises.  It’s also the oldest; your friends told you the number of baby pictures everyone has on the wine-coloured couches is, in more appropriate words, fucking astounding.

You wish you’d moved here earlier. The thing about little cities is just that—they’re not all that little. Something everyone seemingly loves to boast about, the romance of a small town and its delicate simplicities. It’s nothing alike. You’d know. You enjoy it more here. You like all the food outlets and stores lining the streets and further up, less congestion and more dog parks—all places you love breezing through in your free time. There’s an amusement park too, a forty-minute drive away into the middle of nowhere and if you’re not mistaken, the city centre has the best clubs and bars. Sunshine drips through every nook and cranny—it’s everything you’d expected a city to be.

You stop in your tracks at the sight of distinct brown curls in the alleyway between buildings. Donghyuck doesn’t seem to be in the best of situations, a tougher, much larger guy shoving him against the wall. They seem to be speaking, and something about Donghyuck’s smile doesn’t give you a good feeling about what’s going to happen.

Before the guy’s fist meets Donghyuck’s cheek, you yell, two pairs of eyes shifting focus to you. You feel your heartbeat quicken, Donghyuck raising his eyebrow and shooting you a confused look.

“Don’t- don’t hurt him,” you say, cursing at the meekness of your voice.

The larger man laughs, a sound like nails on a chalkboard and you cringe. Donghyuck mouths at you to get away but immediately shuts up when the man turns to him again.

“You got a little lover come here to protect you?” he says, looking at Donghyuck with amusement.

“No, that’s not—”

“I hate little brats like you,” he huffs, shoving Donghyuck once more, this time a little harder. He lets out a pained whine, eyes squeezing shut as he drops on his knees.

You take a hesitant step back when the man makes his way to you, blood rushing to your ears when he raises his hand. Your arms go up by instinct and you’re met with a hard push, falling to the ground with a whimper.

You’re picked up by the collar, struggling to not let fear show on your face.

“Tell your boyfriend to stop messing around my store, okay, sweetheart?” he threatens, voice lower.

With that, he drops you and leaves, the adrenaline in you not quite down yet.

“Donghyuck?” you call, worried as you spot him lying still in the alleyway. You’re about to get up and go to him when he responds, whimsical as ever.

“I’m okay!” He raises his hand with a peace sign and you sigh, annoyed.

“Really?! What were you even doing?”

“I ate some cookies for free, big deal,” he says before he suddenly raises his head with a lopsided grin. “Is sunflower worried about me?”

You groan, dusting yourself as you get up and walk over to him. You throw him a light kick at the side to which he whines overdramatically and scrunches his face into something pained. Lee Donghyuck could be hit by a bus and he’d play it off with fingers guns and eyebrow wiggling.

“Become a chainsaw-juggler or something if you want to do something dangerous,” you complain, “And get up!”

Donghyuck wrinkles his nose. “As always, you have such boring ideas.”

He does get up the next moment, although with a large show of holding his back and several whines about near-death experiences as if he’s not the one bringing it upon himself. You’re sure his back is bruised but he doesn’t acknowledge it as anything more than a joke. There’s also a gash on his cheek he must have received earlier. It’s no surprise he has a fresh batch of wounds—you think he spends more time in the nurse’s office than in actual classes.

“Why do you pick fights with people clearly stronger than you?” you grumble as he dusts himself off.

“Oh, don’t misunderstand me,” Donghyuck says, straightening, “I would’ve got out of this pretty clean without you.”

You roll your eyes. “Sure thing.”

Donghyuck frowns, a huff leaving his mouth.

“I don’t mean to brag but that guy would have been running for his life if you hadn’t butt in,” he shrugs, trying to sound less ruffled.

You laugh at his expression, forgetting about your bruised arms for a moment.

“You should treat me,” you say, the thought passing your head. You don’t have change and you’re really craving some strawberry milk.

He scoffs. “For what?”

“For saving you.”

You expected a retort, at least. Donghyuck pauses for a moment before a worrying grin floats up on his face. “Sure. Come with me.”

You narrow your eyes at him but follow nonetheless, walking side by side. The sunlight makes his skin glow, the hue on his cheeks perfect were it not for the dried blood from the gash. His eyes shine when he smiles, mischief or not, when he’s telling you about how you should try vandalism and robbery sometimes, they’re pretty fun. It’s a Donghyuck trait—to be able to live like this and still call it fun. You look at his lips once and immediately look away. What a silly thought. They’re regrettably pretty, though, despite being busted often. The sun has been kind to Donghyuck, with the colour of his skin full and the confidence you’d only find in someone made of sun flares.

So that’s why.

You stare at the motorbike parked at a clearly No Parking area, the metallic red gleaming under the late afternoon sun. You’ve never been on one before but something tells you Donghyuck would traumatise you far too much to try again. You cannot agree to get on that.

“Hop on,” he instructs.

You hesitate. “Where are we going?”

“To the centre, of course.” He smiles brightly. “There’s a bunch of bakeries and eateries over there.”

“You can just buy me some strawberry milk from a vending machine around.”

“Well, I forgot my wallet,” he says, looking up to think, “I left it at my job.”

You furrow your eyebrows, not believing a word. It’s Lee Donghyuck after all, the opposite of predictable, and arguing with him will only cost you your breath.

“A motorbike and no leather jacket?” You smile, regaining your composure. “I mean, not everyone can pull off the leather jacket, of course.”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes overstatedly. “I don’t expect you to be smarter but stereotypes? Wow.”

You do get on the bike, however, with some pushing on Donghyuck’s side. More importantly, you somehow don’t end up traumatised despite what you supposed. It felt good, wind in your hair and although your legs were stuck to the sides of the bike like glue, you found yourself enjoying the scene around you speeding by. The fact that Donghyuck can be careful was beyond your knowledge and understanding.

The buildings are a little taller here and while you’ve been here before, the sight never fails to make your heartbeat quicken. There’s something inevitably calling about this place. You’d love to explore when there are nightlights around each corner.

“Your wallet?” you remind Donghyuck.

Donghyuck feigns surprise, gasping. “Right! It was in my pocket. But I have no money.”

“What? We came all the way here for nothing?!”

“No. I have a plan.” Donghyuck grins, pointing towards the pretty glass door of the bakery across the street.

“Oh no,” you say quietly as the realization dawns, “We’re not stealing.”

“Then you came all the way here for nothing.”

You sigh heavily into your hands as Donghyuck tries to sweeten his grin, clearly trying to convince you.

“You really don’t have to be this annoying, you know that?”

“It’s a choice,” he says, pulling a face, “And I do it because I excel at it, thank you very much.”

You reluctantly follow Donghyuck into the bakery, people bustling in and out, mostly for their fix of evening coffee or tea. There are photo frames around pictures of coffee beans, tea leaves and pastries, all against a soft orange wallpaper. It’s not as small as it looked from outside, you realize, with its capacity for people quite enough. The smell of chocolate is predominant, hazelnut and coffee wafting in from the left side.

“Free samples!” Donghyuck gasps, before turning to whisper to you, “You know we can try one of each, right? That saves us some trouble.”

You’d be lying if his lips so close to your ears didn’t make you jump a little. You take short steps behind him as he eagerly walks to the counter.

“Ah, is this a new type?” Donghyuck asks, beaming at the woman behind the counter. She raises an eyebrow at the ear piercings and tattoos, gracing him with a smile nonetheless.

While he’s engaged in conversation, you stare at the two of them confused till you’re met with a light kick at your foot. You give Donghyuck a dirty look, who keeps pointing towards the samples with his hands under the counter.

“You’re supposed to shove some into your bag, you know?” he leans in to whisper, exasperated, when the lady leaves to enter the pantry.

“Well, how was I supposed to know, genius?” you shoot back, crossing your arms.

Donghyuck looks around nervously before taking a few of the tarts and carefully placing them in your bag.

“Don’t move too much or you’ll crush them,” he warns in a hush.

The woman returns again, with a warmer smile and Donghyuck goes back to his clever, silver-tongued words. He’s so awful, you think. But you can’t deny the exhilaration in your chest, a giddy feeling of doing the wrong thing in a way that feels right.

You end up having the free samples afterward, pretending to contemplate buying as the woman looks at the two of you expectantly. It’s delicious, sweet chocolate manipulating your taste buds to want another bite almost immediately after you’re done.

“We do offer couple discounts, too!” she says, beaming.

There it is again, the unsettling implications—accusations almost. Since when do the two of you look like a couple? You’re obviously too young to be looking the sort of way most lovers do and where the fuck do they see any love anyway?

“Uh,” Donghyuck begins but can’t seem to form a sentence.

Before either of you can say anything, the woman is called by another customer and you look at each other at the same time.

“We should go,” he says, quickly, “before they realize we’re not buying anything.”

You nod and sneak out of the shop as quickly as you walked in, Donghyuck suddenly picking up the pace till you’re at least a few blocks away.

“You’re so slow,” Donghyuck teases, laughing when you reach him, out of breath. He adjusts his shirt, dark as always, such that it doesn’t stick out of his pants awkwardly anymore. The tattoos on his left arm catch your eye, muscles beneath flexing as his moves his arm, a strange pattern of ink. You don’t think they’re real if you’re being honest—that field of sunflowers. They’re too pretty.

You’re so annoying, you think, despite the smile forming on your face as you follow him down the lane.

What a frustrating personality, the thought crosses you at night, as you kick away the blanket at your feet. He ended up paying for some ice cream at a nearby shop anyway, right after you’d finished having your stolen goods by the dog park. He said summer needs some ice and he’ll oblige just this once with whatever few notes he has left. (“Summer just ended, idiot.” “I can’t hear you.”) The first bite had immediately given him brain freeze, a whine escaping his lips as he held his head in an attempt to soothe it. You found it cute—yes, cute, a terrible choice of words for him. It doesn’t mean anything, you tell yourself. It’s almost within his personality to intrude upon your thoughts like this—gods, you hate even the letters of his name that form so easily in front of your eyes.

The buzz from your phone gives you a fright as you quickly open it to two texts from Donghyuck. You adjust the brightness before you read it, your heartbeat embarrassing you at its rate.

demon child, 11:36 PM

btw today wasn’t a treat you still have to pay me

food is expensive you know

You smile. A part of you warns you shouldn’t.

demon child, 11:37 PM

or you can pay for next time

Your smile drops. Next time? What is this, a date? You shake your head instinctively. Like you’d make it out alive of a date with Lee Donghyuck.

you, 11:37 PM

sure thing little stingy man

demon child, 11:38 PM

wow that was fast do you like me or something

You roll your eyes. You might have really decked Donghyuck in the jaw in another timeline, where you knew how to deck someone in the jaw.

You feel a certain static in your heart, hoping you’re mistaken as you respond to his texts for the rest of the night. Lee Donghyuck needs to have the last word all the time, and you lose count of how many times you huff, only giving in when the tiredness in your eyes seeps to the rest of your body.

You think you smile in your sleep that night but you can’t be sure.

The thing about bad days is that you notice nothing outside of them when you’re having them—but you forget you ever even had them when you’re not.

You end up at school with a lack of will to pay attention to classes. It’s well into the semester, and that means it’s time for you to get to some serious studying, except, well, you can’t. You’re decent at academics—or so you’d like to think. You’re average at best and there’s a nagging thought eating away at your brain at a painfully slow rate.

The college application deadlines are near.

It doesn’t help to be second and third best at almost everything. You nod along to everything Jihyun is saying; really, he aces every subject without trying. His words aren’t exactly…encouraging. You thought his notes would be your ticket to a dream college except he’s not quite the person you should be asking help from.

You’re suddenly not sure about all the friendly competitions you’re running.

You’re starting to feel too worked up these days, worry tugging at the back of your head every moment. It’s lonely when your friends are busy with their own struggles so you stay quiet. You’re a big kid, you tell yourself, you got this.

Except you really don’t.

“Woah,” Donghyuck interrupts you and Jihyun. “You look like you used the dryer on the wrong setting.”

Sometimes, it’s really not the best of situations to have your seat beside Donghyuck. You glare at him, keeping your notebook on the table with a loud ‘SLAM!’ You turn your head to find him smiling. Oh, he better not start now.

“Ah, (name),” he says, grinning, “what’s got you so upset today?”

“Nothing,” you insist, trying your best to control your scowl.

It’s been two weeks since you ‘hung out’ (committed minor crimes) at the bakery. Your friendly bickering since then has been not-so-friendly, you think with a grimace. He’s been getting under your skin—not a favourable thing when you’re against Lee Donghyuck.

“(name).”

You look up to see Jihyun, almost always devoid of any emotion behind the eyes—even if he’s smiling.

“The notes you asked for,” he says, keeping the notes on your table and turning around, almost as if he’s glad to be rid of conversation.

“Oh, and,” Jihyun turns back around. “If you’re hoping to get into any college at all, I hope you keep the right company.”

There’s contempt in his voice and your eyes trail to Donghyuck’s, a little confused if not bothered. You shouldn’t be surprised to find him grinning, laughing almost. You think Donghyuck’s confidence is a good substitute for a leather jacket.

“Hey, come on now.” Donghyuck leans back in his seat, smiling like a kid. You wonder where all that sunshine’s coming from. “Are you still mad about me beating you at that MUN thing?”

Jihyun smiles. “Don’t jump to conclusions. I wasn’t referring to you, of course. And there’s worse things you’ve done.”

Your teacher walks in, drawing everyone’s attention instead as they scurry back to their seats. Donghyuck’s eyes linger on you for a second longer, his face blanched before he turns away and rests his chin on his palm. You think you weren’t supposed to steal so many glances at him throughout the class.

The day somehow manages to draw energy out of you even further. Worries aside, Jihyun’s been strangely demanding—are you even that close? Should he be asking you to bring things this way? Should he be making you run errands? You’re so close to losing it before you realize you can’t. He’s helping you, sort of. You groan into your hands during break, ignoring Donghyuck’s eyebrow raise from beside you. It’s unfair and while you’re sure it’s all light-hearted, you have another name to curse when you run into a problem. Ah, the scorn of high school kids is truly incomparable.

You almost sigh in relief at the last ring of the bell for the day, getting up a little too enthusiastically. You get some admonishment from the teacher at that but you forget once you’ve reached the gates, almost running out faster than your friends. They let you go with a laugh, your desire to get home and take a nap triumphing every other thing on your mind. Some days are meant to be forgotten.

Cursed as you are, you bump into Donghyuck a few blocks from the bus stop. He adjusts the collar of his plaid shirt in a hurry, the black T-shirt underneath so worn out, you wonder how many years he’s been wearing that. The symbol on his baseball cap is probably related to a demon cult, you think. It being related to a metal band is also a possibility.

“(name),” he says, grinning. “What a coincidence.”

“Don’t pick a fight now, demon,” you huff before he can continue.

“I didn’t even say anything.” He raises his arms defensively. “Yet.”

You have the intense desire to punch him. When did the tables turn to this? Weren’t you supposed to be the calm one?

“You had fun running errands for President Snob?” he snickers.

“Well, I didn’t want to,” you say, your shoulders dropping, annoyed as you are. It makes you a little upset for something to affect you that much. You wish you were like the kids who barely cared about things like college applications, enjoying life either way. You wish you didn’t have this strange pretence of a person you are. You wish you were like Donghyuck.

There’s a pause.

“Come on. Don’t let anyone push you around like that.”  His voice comes off as exasperated. Donghyuck isn’t the kind of person to let worry show.

You look up, a little surprised. Before you can open your mouth, he cuts you off.

“There’s some festival going on at the centre,” he says with a shrug. “Lots of food trucks. Wanna come?”

You furrow your eyebrows, a frown taking shape over your lips.

“Stealing off others doesn’t exactly make me feel good about myself,” you say, hugging yourself. As fun as the adrenaline rush was, it’s better to stick to morals, whatever they may be.

“I’ll pay,” he says, his smile incredulous. “I promise.”

You raise an eyebrow. “What, you got a credit card lying around somewhere?”

“Nope,” he responds, rolling his eyes. “No credit card. Don’t believe in money.”

“Then how do you plan on paying?” you ask, frustrated.

“Trust me,” he whispers, urging you to follow him.

It turns out Donghyuck happens to know every food outlet in the city and also happens to have been kicked out of half of them, which is oddly impressive. He’s also worked several jobs in local eateries, the old ladies more than fond of him. (“Who wouldn’t find my charming smile adorable?”)

“You hobgoblin,” you exclaim, huffing. His story about vandalism on the bleachers shouldn’t have been as amusing, or endearing, for that matter.

“According to our lovely folklore, hobgoblins can warm your heart,” he replies, as-a-matter-of-factly.

“That is definitely not true. You just have to respond with something, don’t you?”

“And what of it?”

A (surprisingly) within-speed-limits bike ride away, you end up in a flurry of colours and crowds—you gasp at the large line of food trucks lining the pathway leading to the people’s square. You’ve never seen this before, looking from place to place. A lot of them look like they’ve come from pretty far.

At the square, there are wooden stalls of food out for trial by the people, shopkeepers encouraging the few tourists there are to try the local food. You spot various fishcakes, dumplings and street toast with glimpses of strawberry and banana milk decorating the stands in between. There are old upbeat songs playing through the speakers attached to the electricity poles, faint enough to be drowned out by crowds but loud enough to enjoy a little dance to. You didn’t realize you were smiling till you turned around to see an amused look on Donghyuck’s face.

Time only seems to fly—like when you’re done with your favourite song and it just wasn’t long enough so you hit repeat. The truth is, a song is barely four minutes—and yet you feel like you saw a movie, a story in it; so very curious because you were so sure it was too short.

Donghyuck walks side by side with you to where his bike is parked. (You wonder if he ever travels without it. Gas isn’t exactly cheap.) There’s little distance between the two of you, something neither of you seems to notice. You bite into the sugar candy, the sudden crack sound in the quiet lane making the two of you laugh despite the surge of sugar on your tongue. You forget what you were talking about.

“Why do you even steal, Donghyuck?” You ask softly. You paid for some food today, some were free samples and mostly, there was nothing illegal involved. Donghyuck didn’t particularly want to cause trouble either. You don’t want to be a bad judge of character.

“Because I can.”

What an expected answer. Is there anything Donghyuck can’t do?

“Don’t you feel bad?” You raise an eyebrow. He’s always been so confusing, but when he starts to make sense, you feel like you should’ve seen it that way in the first place.

“Are you talking about our sweet bakery? You really think a company as big as theirs would notice some free samples are missing?” Donghyuck says, making a face. “In a city no one cares about?”

You don’t say anything, puffing your left cheek in contemplation.

“Look, I could spend the rest of my life looting as much as my arms could carry and I would never be able to make my crimes pose even the smallest threat to a single shitty millionaire.” Donghyuck waves his hands about in a gesture that implies indifference.

You suppose he’s right, walking up to him and continuing your journey up.

“I’m not justifying myself,” he says, voice softer, shoulders relaxed. “Stealing’s bad. Other people are affected. I know. It’s just that I like having more choices than they give us. We should try everything we can, you know?”

Is that why he’s always up to something? Flitting from club to club in school, running around the entire city like it’s his own?

He shakes himself immediately, cringing. “Ah. Ew. I can’t believe you’re getting to my head, sunflower. Yuck. You’re ruining me. Did I just monologue?”

“Oh, okay.” You cross your arms. “That’s my fault now. It’s a good thing to be honest, asshole.”

“La, la, la.” Donghyuck puts his fingers in his ears, sticking out his tongue. “Can’t lecture me if I can’t hear you.”

You punch his shoulders, his laugh accompanying the evening blooming in full colours above you as you forget you’re already on your journey back.

You reach Red’s before nightfall, a sort of pitstop for kids like you when it’s time to go home before the night soaks into you. Donghyuck feels lighter in his chest as he enters, the jingling pleasant and the smell of waffles even more so. He just can’t believe you’re the reason he’s here.

“Obviously, we’re going for chocolate waffles,” he says, crossing his arms.

The tables outside are better than the stuffy humid air inside. Donghyuck’s complaining didn’t let you take even a step inside.

“We just ate,” you reason, your eyebrows furrowed. “And honey is always better!”

“Eh, what do you know?” he says, resting his elbow against the table. “I was raised in this diner, newbie.”

“Yeah, you and a million other rats.”

He presses his tongue against his cheek to stop the smile, although he reckons he’s doing a terrible job of it.

Get yourself together, one voice pipes up in his head.

Or say it. Ask them out. Yeah, the other voice is a piece of shit. That’s not going to work out.

Donghyuck didn’t realize he’d fallen silent, a daze over his eyes. He blinks a few time to regain focus, the peach hue across your cheeks coming to his attention. It’s adorable, if he could just reach out and place his palm against your cheek, just lean over the table and—

Fuck. No way.

“Stop staring at me like some sleaze,” you huff, eyes flickering between him and the table.

“Why would I stare at you?” he retorts, resisting the heat on his face. “You’re not that pretty.”

“Right,” you say, rolling your eyes as you hold your arm.

The lights lining the eaves flicker on almost at the same time, the sky still in transitionary lilac and you look up with your lips parted, something akin to curiosity in your eyes. Pretty. It could just be the reflection of the lights though—Donghyuck’s not exactly the poetic type. He wants to curl his lips at the notion, but it’s not very smart to have all his thoughts show up on his face.

“Can we stay here a little longer?” you say, eyes still on the lights, occasionally shifting to the sky.

“Your parents will worry.” Donghyuck thinks for a moment before mumbling, “It’s not safe.”

“Then drop me home,” you say, your eyes shifting to meet his, an unusual confidence in them.

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel the skip of his heartbeat.

Donghyuck thinks he should pat himself on the back for not speeding all the times you were with him on his bike. He loves the thing to death, although he’s had it for barely a year. The jolt of adrenaline and the freedom blooming in sprouts within his ribcage should be a dead giveaway to what he feels about speeding. Donghyuck’s never really cared about rules. Break them, bend them—it’s up to him and he loves that feeling of control. Whatever people think of him, they’re nowhere close to the truth. They’ll never know just how much he has everything under control.

Except you.

How annoying, he thinks to himself as he feels the speed picking up and your distant warmth behind him. He feels a little tingle in his chest, the way he always does when he gets the urge to do something reckless.

What if he were to speed up just a little? No, that would be childish. He should definitely not do that.

You wrap your arms around his waist with a squeak at the sudden jerk as he revs up the bike, a grin growing on his face despite his attempts to hold it back. You’re warm, compared to the sharp winds grazing him and he wants you to hold onto him like this a little longer. If he’s not childish now, when else will he be?

You hadn’t realized you’d fallen asleep, faint sunlight hiding behind the curtains ready to present the evening to you. A celebratory nap for the end of the deadlines that’s been haunting you overextended a little bit more than you’d anticipated. Just a few more weeks and it’s the finals and then, it’s all over. You stretch your hand out to switch on the lights, groaning when you can’t seem to reach it and reluctantly getting up.

You startle, a little yelp leaving your mouth at the knock on your window. What in hell? Either you haven’t slept enough or you slept too much.

You let out another yelp when you see Donghyuck’s face. There’s a band-aid over the line of his jaw starting to peel off and another one over the bridge of his nose. His hair looks recently washed, underneath the cap he’s wearing the right way for once, a pleasant smell wafting off him. You wonder what the occasion is for him to have cleaned up like this.

“Did you just climb up to my window?!”

There’s a pause.

“Yes.”

There’s another pause.

“Anyway,” he continues, “Since you’ve been enjoying my premium Haechan recommendations lately, I’ve got another plan for you.”

“Haechan?” You tilt your head. “Full sun? Is that why you call me sunflower?”

Donghyuck’s cheeks colour. “That’s- That’s not- We’re going to the club today!”

You find the sudden fluctuation in his voice cute. You suppress your smile, before giving in to his constant nagging for you to hurry up and follow him. (“Why would I get out through the window?” “Won’t your parents, like, kill me if they saw me at your front door?”)

There’s no bike today. In a way, you’re sad it isn’t there; the memory of your arms around Donghyuck making you feel hot in the cheeks for wanting it again.

“I finished my budget for fuel because of you,” he complains.

“No one asked you to be a show-off,” you retort.

He opens his mouth but says nothing, resorting to pull a face at you instead. Public transportation it is today. Even if there’s, what, nine subway stations in the city, Donghyuck seems to have already planned out the route. He walks with a bounce to his steps, turning around to walk backward facing you just to laugh and call you slow.

You run up the stairs to the station, another evening beginning something yet anew. The clouds disappear, replaced with the tiles of the station roof as Donghyuck eyes something in the distance.

“Oh no,” you say, your gaze traveling to wherever his is fixed. “We’re paying for the tickets. Hell, I’ll pay.”

Donghyuck grins at you and before he can make the stupid decision of jumping over the faregate, you grab the back of his collar, a choked sound leaving his mouth. You pull him by the sleeves of his hoodie to the ticket machines, relatively empty when the old folk use the ticket booths instead.

“You’ll go to jail if you murder me,” Donghyuck says, whining as he massages his neck. “It’s not pleasant, let me tell you that.”

“You’ve been?”

“Not yet.”

The club Donghyuck was talking about turns out to be more of a music joint, really. The letters ‘No Smoking’ spelled clearly beside the entrance, you eye the guard nervously. A rather skinny man who seems to be in his early twenties, you wonder how Donghyuck knows him as he lets the two of you in. You don’t have time to ask as you’re pulled in, a gasp barely leaving your mouth at the force.

It’s different inside. It’s not as dark as you’d expect, a rather mellow set of colours spread through the place. There’s a band playing songs from the 80s, the sound of indie rock pulsing through the place. Some people are dancing, some sitting at the round tables, looking as if they’re waiting for someone or, at the very least, a pretty stranger.  

You look up at Donghyuck, a hum on his lips as he thinks.

“The song’s so boring,” he says finally. “Let’s change it.”

“It’s a live band, Donghyuck.” You deadpan. “You can’t press next here.”

“It’s called requesting, stupid.”

Donghyuck runs off before you can say anything, suddenly awkward about standing alone in a room full of people. You look around—the amount of people isn’t too much but at the same time it’s much more than you see in your average crowded room. Most of them are sitting, now that you see clearly, some with ramen on the tables, some with beer and chicken. There’s a bar at the other edge, people joking with each other over drinks.

You’re not sure how you’d describe it but it smells like people in here.

You look around further, curiously, at the beige wallpaper and vines decorating the edges—it’s larger than you thought a club would be. (But really, the only images you have are of purple and blue lighting on giant drunk crowds when you think of clubs.)

“Hey, pretty.”

You startle at the voice, an older man standing beside you. He seems to be a little old for a college kid, a rather impish look on his face with a very prominent grin.

“Uh, hi,” you say, unsure.

“You don’t come here often, do you?” He leans his left side against the wall.

“No, not really.” You’re a minor. Technically, you’re not even allowed in here.

Your nervousness seems to have shown up on your face because the guy straightens, a little smile on his face.

“Woah, don’t look so worried.” He laughs a little. There’s a scent of alcohol in his breath. “Will a friendly handshake make you feel better?”

You look on, a little unsure but definitely surprised. You go along with what he says, the movement of your hands in the childish pattern bringing a smile to your face till eventually, you’re laughing.

“I don’t mean to be too forward,” he says, “But you’re, like, a kid, right?”

You straighten, stammering out words of denial. You don’t want to be kicked out. You’ve never been kicked out of anything before.

“And that’s your boyfriend right there?” He asks, pointing over to Donghyuck having a conversation with the bass guitarist.

You think you turn pink, but you shake your head vehemently.

“Well, don’t worry, kid,” he says, laughing. “Enjoy it while you can. Not everyone gets to have a partner in crime.”

With that, he walks off to the bar after a wave of goodbye and a smile, making you wonder if adults really are the same as you. You smile a little to yourself.

You yelp when you’re grabbed by the arm, Donghyuck’s own arm linking through it.

“I’m gonna teach you how to dance,” he says, grinning. “Be prepared to thank me.”

You furrow your eyebrows at him and right when you open your mouth the next song starts with a drum solo. You look at the band, confused. They’re all grinning, however, and soon the song steadies into an upbeat sort of mood. You think you smile, but it’s probably just in the eyes.

“Eyes on me, loser,” Donghyuck says, smiling wide at you.

You turn back to him, an indescribable amount of emotions surging into you. Lee Donghyuck is a phenomenon of a person, you think, almost ready to voice it out loud.

More people join in with the dancing, the place seeming much fuller now that you see everyone up. You catch the man from earlier throwing you a wink and a finger gun in a friendly gesture. You laugh in response, Donghyuck complaining about your lack of focus. (If you’re being honest, you think he meant your lack of attention to him.)

You can’t count the minutes or hours—what’s the difference, really? Donghyuck smiles through his eyes, telling you you’re a terrible dancer (and that, of course, not everyone is born perfect like him). You learn to love the unknown songs, each note catching on to a new piece of your heart as Donghyuck shows you a move to copy, singing along gibberish lyrics to the songs he doesn’t know. It’s weird how you can mould into songs like this, songs you don’t even know—their beats pulling out different people and melodies making that person familiar.

There’s a soft halt when Donghyuck catches something through the corner of his eyes. He makes a face that spells out ‘yikes’ before leading you off the dance floor, snaking through the crowds till you’re back to the entrance.

“What’s wrong?” You say, eyes scanning his face.

“Oh, nothing, really,” he says, an unsure lilt to his voice.

Your question answers itself at the gruff voice barely audible over the music, a notch louder than when you’d entered.

“Hey, kid!”

Your heart jumps against your ribcage at the uniform of a police officer by the entrance, thinking whether everything really had to go wrong right now. Is underage dancing a crime? You didn’t drink and—oh, the entrance probably said 19+.

Donghyuck’s eyes flit from place to place looking for an escape when the officer confronts him, grabbing him by the shoulder.

“You’re the kid that’s been stealing around the shops, aren’t you?”

“Uh, no?” Donghyuck raises an eyebrow, the expression on his face almost comedic. “You’ve got the wrong kid, officer.”

“And what might you be doing in a club? Where’s your ID?”

“About that…”

Donghyuck pushes the man with his elbow, leg extending to trip him, catching him off guard. You’d even be impressed if the loud crash didn’t make you yelp in surprise, looking at the two of them with terrified incredulity.

Donghyuck takes off running almost immediately after before backtracking and gesturing at you exasperatedly. “You know you’re supposed to run when I run, right?”

“What the fuck just happe—”

Donghyuck doesn’t wait to explain, gripping your hand in his and tugging you to match his insane pace as you exit through the entrance.

It takes a while to reach the subway station even at that speed and with the distant shouts of the police officer prompting you to move faster. The sky’s much darker now—you think it must be well into late evening before night gets ready to clutch the time. Donghyuck moves with careful calculation, taking turns in places you have no clue about and soon you’re running up the stairs with your breath barely caught in your throat.

The station lights are dim but you’re good as long as you don’t trip over something. You turn to the ticket machine in panic when you hear the officer’s voice by the gates.

“No time!” Donghyuck pulls you away, effortlessly jumping over the faregate and looking at you expectantly.

“I can’t do that, Donghyuck!” you complain, panic rising in your chest, adrenaline drowning the rest of it.

Before you can say anything more, Donghyuck reaches over the gate, pulling you up by the waist and grabbing your hand all over again to run down the stairs to the tunnels.

“Hey!”

You hear the shout of the lady behind the ticket counter, clearly having seen your misconduct as you pray for her to forget your face. You’d like to be able to use the subway for future travel.

The train’s about to shut its door when you reach. Donghyuck treads quickly on the stone before he jumps on, pulling you in just in time to avoid getting caught in between the sliding doors.

For a moment, there’s only the sound of heavy breathing and the movement of the train on its tracks, the burning in your throat drowning out other senses. You slide down to crouch on the floor, your face hot and sweat drenching your forehead and neck. Your shoelaces are undone, you notice, no energy left in you to reach out and tie them into your perfect knots.

There’s a few moments of silence as you regain your composure.

“What was that?!” You laugh, unable to control yourself as you clutch your stomach. “You almost got arrested!”

He joins in with his sunny laughter, crouching down beside you. “Man, I really thought I was done for.”

After a few moments, Donghyuck sits with his legs crossed atop the passenger seat, the coach mostly empty save for you and an old couple at the far corner. He animatedly recalls a story of another near-arrest he had, with you laughing beside him.

A thought passes you in between jokes and stories—what if everything was like this always? Just the two of you, in a room full of people, in a room without people. You think you’ve started looking at Donghyuck a bit too much. You’re not sure about regretting it.

Donghyuck’s been getting the strangest of impulses these days.

He tilts his head away from you to check the time on his watch, the gentle weight of your head on his shoulder reassuring, even if it’s hard to admit. It’s half-past ten and he’s been staring at you for a little over an hour now. Who falls asleep in the subway? Sure, there being not many stops, the journey between each is longer but Donghyuck wouldn’t be caught dead drooling on someone’s shoulder like this.

You shift, Donghyuck immediately moving to cradle your head with his hand so it just doesn’t drop off. Your lips are puffed even in sleep as if you’re still caught in an argument with him. He chuckles to himself. It’s so like you.

Cross the line. The voice in his head says. Just dip your head a little and…

Your head leans into the skin between his neck and shoulder, a shot of electricity pulsing through him at the contact. There’s a race of thoughts within him, thoughts he shouldn’t be having.

What is he so afraid of, really? What is he, Lee Donghyuck, so afraid of? Love? That’s the lamest thing he can think of.

It’s true, though.

Fucking voice of his conscience—loud thoughts are more a pain in the ass than anything else. Donghyuck will resort to cowardice if it be so. He’s not going to be reduced to something he’s not just because he’s head over heels in his own feelings for you.

Donghyuck pushes the hair from your face, craning his neck to be able to see you better. Wanting to love, wanting to be loved—what a stupid thing to fear. He sighs, closing his own eyes and checking the time once again. He’ll wake you up in a few minutes when your station’s near.

You stop at the medicine to store to buy antiseptic cream and some band-aids. Donghyuck says he doesn’t need it, he has some at home but you must be good at convincing. There’s a little garden of scratches on his palm even he’s not sure when he received.

You sit in the empty parking lot, under the only streetlight that seems to be working in the area. The convenience store beside you is there to provide its twenty-four-hour lights if not anything else. There are some people out on nightly walks, you notice when you look at the sidewalk. It surprises you a little to see shapes of people against midnight blue.

You’ve never been out so late. You text your mom to remind her you’re still alive before you can turn your attention to Donghyuck.

“Okay! Enough!” He retreats his hand, complaining. “My hand smells like a pharmacy at this point.”

You lean back against the streetlamp, sighing.

“I can’t believe we ran away from a police officer,” you say, a goofy smile on your face as you stretch your arms in front of you.

“There’s always a first.” Donghyuck grin. “You don’t have to thank me for that, by the way.”

You roll your eyes. “One of these days, you’ll regret it. How long do you plan on being reckless?”

“How long do you plan on pretending you don’t enjoy it?” He asks, face leaning in with a sly smile.

You think you feel heat on your cheeks, you can’t be sure, but you end up scoffing, a rather losing response to someone who’s used to winning.

“You’re clearly into my devilishly handsome face,” he continues with an exaggerated shake of his head. “Does my recklessness turn you on? Don’t you think I look good? You can’t blame m—”

This brat.

You yank him by the cloth of his hoodie to get face to face, noses almost touching. Watching the confidence drain from his face, you’d laugh but it’d just give away the sudden adoration you feel. What a shame this demon was blessed to be so cute.

There’s a pause the length of a breath.

Donghyuck’s eyelids flutter close just as he presses his lips against yours, a soft sound escaping yours. He places a hand against your cheek as nimbly as possible, something pushing him to deepen what you have. You give in, humming into the kiss as you pull yourself closer.

For all the havoc he wreaks, Donghyuck isn’t necessarily a bad kisser. His lips are soft—his investment in lip balms improved since you first met him and the scent of whatever he used is delicious.

It’s a few moments of kissing when Donghyuck suddenly pulls back.

“I don’t deserve this,” he says, eyes flickering.

You look on, unsure. It’s not like him to falter. “What- What do you mean?”

“I mean,” he responds, looking at his hands, “that I’m really not good enough. I’m just- I’m not who people think I am. Hell, I don’t know who I am. It’s just- I don’t-”

You place your hand against his cheek, his rambling fading away as he looks into you.

“Even if you like me because you think I’m fun,” he continues, “I mess things up, you know? I mess things up really bad. If you get hurt- If- Ah, I don’t know what to say.”

“I really like you, Donghyuck,” you whisper, “but you’re making no sense right now.”

There’s a pause within the night air.

“I…I put a kid in the hospital,” he says, voice low and upset. “In middle school. I- I didn’t mean to! I can’t remember what happened but…we had to pay the bills and- and we’re still recovering.”

There’s a stifling silence. You lift his chin up so he faces you, the inability to see his expression troubling.

“I still feel guilty,” he whispers. “I do things for fun. And I fuck up the consequences.”

Donghyuck’s calculating and careful. You already know that.

“It’s okay,” you assure him, not finding any better words. “We’re big kids now.”

“But that doesn’t mean—”

“I’m not saying anything like that,” you interrupt. “We’ll still fuck up, you know? Adults fuck up. Doesn’t mean we don’t do things at all.”

“God, I hate you lecturing me,” he groans, looking away.

You crack a smile, still holding his face, the side without the band-aid. Donghyuck doesn’t say you’re right, a short chuckle on his lips instead before he leans in to peck you on the mouth, slowly turning into another kiss.

You think you hear the buzz of fireflies, spring’s darlings, although you didn’t know they’d be found here. Donghyuck looks pretty under the streetlight, as you connect mole to mole, an airy feeling in your chest, almost bubbling over.

You want to tell him he’s amazing, but you figure you’d tend to his ego some other day.

“Hey, you got that leather jacket!” you exclaim when you walk into class, Donghyuck’s head in Renjun’s chokehold.

He’s quick to defend himself, shaking Renjun off him and scoffing. “I didn’t get it because you said so, obviously.”

You shake your head with a laugh, sitting at your place. Donghyuck smiles to himself before dropping it to shoot some comments at Renjun.

“Nothing going on with our precious demon there?”

You look up to see Jaemin smiling at you, clearly onto something. You haven’t told anyone yet, every rendezvous a ridiculously honest secret.

You turn your head to see Donghyuck consuming a bag of hot Cheetos in what seems to be a competition with Zhong Chenle. You shake your head, furrowing your eyebrows at the scene. What’s even going on in their heads? If anything at all, that is.

Jaemin clears his throat, bringing your attention back to him. He has some sort of expectation in his eyes.

You laugh, more than enough to answer him. Really, being fond of Lee Donghyuck shouldn’t feel so much a crime as the city lights in his eyes do.

[ninzied]

a kiss where it hurts.

for @lucyintheskyalone​.

Everything hurts.

It would not have been so unbearable – he’s had much worse, as far as injuries go – but when Frank comes to, and takes in his surroundings, everything starts to hurt in an entirely different way.

The place smells exactly like he’d remembered it, clean as spring, with the warm undertone of maybe vanilla. It’s safe here, quiet. At least it was until he came and dragged his sorry ass through her window again. Karen will be home soon, and the last thing she needs is this. Him.

It was a mistake to still come here, after. But he can barely keep his eyes open, let alone climb back down the fire escape.

Instead, Frank sinks his weight into her rug, grits his teeth against the pain, and waits.

Sometime after dark he hears keys, and the sound of her door being opened. A light flickers on in the hallway.

He senses the exact moment she knows. That someone’s here, inside her apartment. There’s a silence that comes over the place all of a sudden – a silence that feels way too still.

It’s finally broken by a soft rustling sound, the click of a safety as the tip of her shadow slips around the side of the couch.

“Frank?” she breathes.

She’s on her knees by his side the next instant. There’s the clatter of her gun as she sets it down hard on the table that’s keeping him upright.

“Hey,” he says, squinting an eye open at her. Christ. Even his voice sounds beaten beyond recognition.

She doesn’t ask him what happened. He figures that his current state pretty much speaks for itself. After all, it wouldn’t be the first time he’s shown up like this, all broken and bloodied. Waiting for her. Waiting to get put back together.

Karen scans him up and down, hands half-hovering over him like she can’t find a safe place to put them.

“’S’nothing serious,” he murmurs to her. “Nothing that hasn’t tried to kill me already.”

“That doesn’t exactly narrow it down.” She keeps her voice light, but it takes an obvious effort, and the guilt burns hot in the pit of Frank’s stomach.

He feels her move away from him, and time blurs at the edges, lasting long moments that might not have been more than a minute. When she comes back to him, it’s to lift the edge of a chilled glass to his mouth.

His lip is split open, and the water stings a little before going down. Then something wet is touching the side of his face. For a moment, Frank thinks he must’ve spilled it. The water. But his vision clears, and Karen is leaning in close, carefully wiping the blood from a cut in his eyebrow.

He drops his head back, and lets himself watch her. She presses an ice pack into his hand, and he dutifully raises it to his other eye, his gaze not leaving her for a second. There’s concern in her brow. Probably some anger too, but she doesn’t give voice to it either.

Frank almost wishes she would. It would be but a fraction of what he deserves.

For all those times he’d come to her without warning – made her worry, made her care. Made her hurt when all he managed to do in return was to leave her.

This time – this time – was supposed to be different.

But Frank was always going to be the worst kind of shit magnet, and he should’ve known better than to start thinking otherwise.

Karen dresses another cut to his side. Her touch is so gentle that it brings on another kind of pain, one that feels too much like longing.

She’s examining his hands when she finally asks him.

“So what was it this time, Frank?”

There’s a tiredness to the question, as if she already knows. As if this is what they’ve always been – these small moments of coming together that were never meant to last. As if this is all that they’ll ever be to each other.

He opens his mouth to answer her. A part of him even believes that he’s about to tell her the truth.

“Let me guess,” she says. “Drug cartel? Sex traffickers?”

He doesn’t correct her. What would it change? He’s done putting this pain on her.

“Something like that,” says Frank. The inside of his chest twists up.

There’s always going to be something, with them.

Karen nods. She looks down and traces a finger along the raw skin of his knuckles, the veins running down the back of his hand.

And then she lets go, turning away.

She puts him to bed on her couch, refilling the glass and leaving it on the table beside him along with a bottle of Advil. He murmurs his thanks and swallows down three as she clears up bloody washcloths and packs away her first aid kit.

She only stops to look at him again when she’s showered and changed, pausing just outside her room.

“Good night, Frank,” she says, and closes the door.

It’s as good as a goodbye, for them. She knows she won’t see him there in the morning, and he doesn’t know how to give her any reason to believe otherwise.

Frank doesn’t sleep well, waking in the dawn’s small hours. He dresses carefully in the dark, folding up the fleece throw Karen had given him and tucking it under one of the pillows.

He turns to go, but something stops him, has him looking back for a moment.

The door to Karen’s bedroom is slightly ajar. He pictures her getting up sometime in the night to check on how he was doing, biting her lip as he tossed and turned, finally leaving her door open a crack in order to keep tabs on him.

He knows it wasn’t meant as an invitation, but he finds himself slipping inside, if only to catch a brief glimpse of her before he’s on his way.

She’s curled up under the blankets, at the edge of the bed that’s nearest the door. He searches her for any signs of waking, but she doesn’t stir as he steals forward, her breathing slow, and deep, and even.

Frank bends over her, ignoring the pain that stabs into his side. He lowers his mouth gently to her temple. And then he’s straightening, and ducking back out of her room.

He eases himself out her window, closing it behind him as quietly as he can.

The roses are still there where he’d left them, on the steps of the fire escape. Their petals are specked with dried blood. Those assholes last night – he’d let them take his phone and his wallet, but they weren’t going to get anywhere near the flowers. Not that it mattered, in the end.

Frank tastes metal, realizes he must’ve split his lip open again when he kissed Karen goodbye.

Chest feeling tight, he picks up the roses, and starts the long climb back down.

[amatchinwater]

Did a little thing for Day 2 of Stackson Week 2021!

Day 2: Trapped together

Pairing: Stackson

Warnings: underage drinking

Word count: 2709

Rating: teen and up

Ao3 link

Stiles knew it was a bad idea to have a party at Lydia’s lake house in the middle of hurricane lever rain and a goddamn flood warning. What’s even worse is he’s the first person to show up! Lydia herself isn’t even here yet. The banshee was kind enough to tell him where they put the hide-a-key so he could get in and out of the storm. Scott and Isaac aren’t picking up or answering his texts. If they’re not here because they’re too busy fucking and Stiles has to be here soaked and alone, he’s going to kill them.

When Stiles gets in the house, he stomps his shoes on the mat to not track in any mud. Lyds would castrate him for that, so he takes them off just to be safe. Slipping out of his jacket, Stiles hangs it on the hook, careful not to let it drip anywhere other than the little rug underneath it. The house is empty and eerily dark. Then again, why wouldn’t it be? He’s the only fucking one here. Making his way into the kitchen, Stiles’ preturbrance only grows. 

It doesn’t even look like the place is meant to house a party in the next twenty minutes. Nothing is set up. There isn't a single bag of chips or other snacks on the counter. No pizzas and sandwich platters like her birthday. A keg is not beside the island either. Just two bottles of wine with a sticky note that reads-

“Have fun?” 

Oh my god! Stiles jumps and flails, nearly knocking the bottles over on the counter. 

“What kind of fucking game is she playing?” Jackson snatches the note, rereading it before flicking it back towards the island. 

Still clutching his wildly beating heart, Stiles gasps, “could you maybe announce yourself next time?” He collects himself- mostly. “Not all of us have your little wolf senses. You almost gave me a heart attack, you fuck.” 

Jackson snorts and almost playfully bumps him with his shoulder. “Not my fault you left the front door unlocked, Stilinski.” 

Fuck this. “I’m leaving.” Stiles stalks back towards the front door, yanking his jacket off the hook and grabbing his shoes. Whipping the open the door, the teen groans loudly, dropping his head back, “you’ve got to be kidding me!” 

“What are you bitching about now?” The wolf steps beside him and looks outside, his eyes widen drastically. “Holy shit!”

The lake has officially overflown since they’ve shown up and the driveway is at least three inches deep with water. Jackson’s care looks like it’s barely  capable of surviving if it gets too high. Stiles almost cares enough to wonder if they should move it. This fucking storm! Now he’s stuck here with nowhere to go. Yes, he has a jeep, but the road out is no doubt a muddy mess that even Roscoe can’t navigate. 

Closing the door and putting his clothes back where they were, Stiles whines, “why would she pick today to do this?” Thinking about the weather his dad forced him to watch this morning. Most cities were calling in downed power lines and massive branches flying through the streets. 

She knew this storm was coming. So much so that Lydia even reminded him to wear his boots rather than his sneakers. “I guess I better call Scott, tell him not to come. No use in him getting stuck in the woods like this.” Sures, having his best friend here would make this exceptionally better. But Stiles doesn’t want to break up any fights between a stir crazy Jackson and Isaac. Fishing in his pocket, Stiles pulls out his phone and smashes the call button in annoyance. 

“Stiles, hey. I’m sorry I did-” Scott answers on the second ring only to be cut off by Stiles.

“I don’t care if you and Isaac were fucking,” Jackson chuckles at his jab. “Don’t come to Lydia’s. The lake flooded and now Jackson and I can’t leave.” 

“Okay,” Scott draws out the word and if Stiles wasn’t mistaken sounds a little confused. Jackson’s brows knit together at the response too. Okay, so it did sound weird then. “I’m sorry you’re stuck there, dude. But maybe this will be a good thing?”

Is he serious? “How the fuck is it supposed to be a good thing to be stuck in a goddamn house with someone who hates my guts?” Stiles’ hand slaps his thigh in exasperation. Not to mention the asshole in question was hotter than hell fire and makes it incredibly hard to be in the same room with him. Not thinking about that when Jackson can smell his chemosignals. 

“Well,” Scott drawls, “you did say you had a crush on him.” Stiles blanches and goes stalk still, forgetting how to fucking breathe. Jackson snorts beside him. Stiles is going to kill Scott. “Oh my god! He’s right next to you, isn’t he?”

“I hate you so much right now.” Stiles makes a point to stare at the floor and not at the shuffling wolf beside him. “Well, thanks for getting me killed. Great best friend job, truly. See ya probably never, Scotty.” He promptly hangs up before Scott can answer. 

“So,” Jackson purrs and Stiles can’t help but turn and face the wolf. His arms are crossed from where he leans against the wall, one foot propped behind him. Jackson’s face holds that stupid, sexy, douchbag smirk, “you like me?”

He’s not even going to entertain that. Stiles squints at him with his mouth slightly parted. It only makes Jackson chuckle. “I need a drink,” Stiles uses every ounce of self control not to literally run away and back into the kitchen. Sifting through the drawers until he finds the corkscrew, Stiles grabs a bottle. Once the cork is out- that actually had already been opened- Stiles could give fuck all about a glass. He takes a sip directly from the bottle, regretting it at the extensive bitter taste of wolfsbane.

Clearly that one’s for Jackson. He’s courteous enough to slide the wine across the island when Jackson is back in the room. The wolf stares at him as his lips wrap around the mouthpiece and drinks from it, not giving a damn to wipe it after Stiles’ drank first. The other boy just watches before his brain recovers and he opens his own bottle. Setting the cork and opener aside, Stiles grabs the wine and leaves the wolf in the kitchen to go sit in the living room where Lydia keeps the playstation. 

Plopping on the couch, Stiles lets himself sink into the cushion and takes several swigs. Actually rather enjoying the slight burn and the warmth that quickly settles in his belly. He can very easily just sit here and watch tv like Jackson doesn’t even exist. Stiles can go to literally anywhere else to be away from the wolf if need be. He cannot believe that Jackson found out he likes him. 

Fucking Scott.

It takes a few minutes for Jackson to join him. Stiles already has Supernatural playing and has killed a good third of his wine before the wolf is sitting next to him. Like right next to him. One nervous leg bounce and their thighs or knees will touch. Seriously? Lydia has two couches, a chaise lounge, and two armchairs in her living room. So why is he so close?

Scratch that initial thought. There’s like six other rooms in this big ass house that Jackson could’ve gone to. Why here? Stiles drinks more. 

Jackson takes another small sip, looking like he’s barely drank anything from his own bottle before saying, “I have a secret to tell you.” 

He fights the eyeroll only just, “what information could you possibly have that I would care about?” Amber eyes stay glued to the flat screen.

“I don’t hate you, Stiles.”

“Oh?” He asks with mock interest. Even though there’s something tickling at his heart that Jackson didn’t call him ‘idiot’ or ‘Stilinski’. He can’t allow himself to fall for the wolf’s tricks. He won’t let the rug get yanked out from under him. 

“Quite the opposite actually.” 

Stiles snorts and turns to make some smart ass retort. But his ‘yeah right’ gets stuck on his tongue finding Jackson’s face mere inches from his own. He gulps. Clearing his throat, Stiles takes a big sip before putting his bottle on the small table beside him. Too fuzzy and warm to process this, Stiles scooches until he’s pressing against the armrest. 

Jackson also places his bottle on the coffee table before sliding closer. Forcing Stiles to half turn into the couch while the wolf puts an arm on either side of him, completely encasing Stiles. “I like you,” he presses further, “a lot.” Jackson leans in until their noses brush, “tell me if you want me to stop.” 

Blame the wine. Blame his hormones for not wanting him to stop. Hell, blame everyone and everything, Stiles included. But he does have a massive crush on Jackson. Even though he knows damn well that he shouldn’t. The guy’s a prick. He has no problem letting people know that he’s better than them. Making damn sure to flaunt his money too. As if that makes him hotter or something. It doesn’t. 

No, it’s the icy blue eyes that make Stiles want to learn their secrets and harvest the knowledge. The wolf’s stupid jaw that’s perfect and Stiles just wants to bite it. He;s seen Jackson naked numerous times- thank you locker room shower’s forgotten concept of privacy. But god damn, when Jackson smiles- not his asshole smirk, but genuine smile- Stiles’ lungs and knees forget how to function. Despite his actions earlier, the teen is actually pretty happy to be stuck here. 

Only acting as though he hates Jackson because he was simply following the wolf’s lead. His eyes flick to Jackson’s bottle of wine- its contents too hard to see in the dark green glass from this distance- and back to hooded baby blues. There’s only two reasons Stiles can believe that this is actually happening right now.

Jackson’s drunk. Because Stiles doesn’t understand the extent in which wolfsbane affects werewolf's tolerance. Which would mean the ex-kanima has no idea what he’s doing and should go sleep it off. Stiles hopes it’s this because the latter is just too painful. 

Jackson’s fucking with him. Surely he doesn’t have actual feelings for Stiles. Maybe the wolf found out he’s bi and wanted to tease him about it. Although, something tells him that Danny would murder Jackson if he ever found out. Still. This is Stiles. Lowest on the lacrosse totem pole and not the wolf’s best friend. Is Jackson that cruel though?

Beautiful, parted pink lips get closer, so Stiles whispers, “you’re just drunk,” and turns his head away, hoping that’s the case here. Waiting for the joke to play out.

“I’m really not.” Jackson reaches over to grab his drink. There’s maybe three sips missing when he dangles the bottle for proof. “See?” The wolf puts it back, returning with a smirk and a cocked brow, “now will you let me kiss you?” Jackson chuckles, it’s a breathy sound, but doesn’t make to move closer. Leaving it to Stiles.

He’s not falling for that trap. The prove-to-me-you-want-it-so-I-can-kick-you-down trap by making Stiles lean in. “So you’re fucking with me then?” He should’ve known better. 

The other boy looks confused and a little offended. Jackson leans back farther, still sitting close, but no longer in Stiles’ personal space. He actually wants him to come back, but how could he ever tell the wolf that when this is just a game? “Why would I fuck with you about this?” Jackson’s voice is soft and full of so much emotion that Stiles almost believes him. 

“Uh, because that’s what you do?” Stiles gestures wildly like it should have been obvious. “You’ve made it perfectly clear that we’re not even friends. You were literally my bully when we were kids. I don’t- and i-it only got worse when I developed a crush on Lydia. Which I get, she was your girlfr-”

“What’s not why I was a dick.” The wolf cuts him off with a shake of his head. Stiles squints an eye at him, mouth still hanging open from the word that didn’t finish. “I was jealous.” 

“Why the fuck would you be jealous of me?” Stiles scoffs and Jackson ducks his head with a chuckle. “Lydia never even looked at me while you were together.” 

Jackson flashes a bemused grin when he looks back, “I was jealous of Lydia, you idiot.” The name usually bitten out comes with a tone that suggests it’s meant to be a term of endearment. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry that I wasn’t fawning over you like your little fan club, okay? My bad. You’re right, you’re incredibly hot and I should’ve stroked your ego by putting you some fucking pedestal-” Jackson swallows whatever other words and the surprised squeak from Stiles’ lips. He stares bug eyed at the wolf’s closed eyes. Jackson presses closer, his hand cupping the other boy’s cheeks while his tongue slides against Stiles’ bottom lip. Entrance isn’t given, he can’t really, Stiles is too shocked to do so. 

The wolf pulls away, still holding Stiles’ face, “I didn’t care that you thought she was attractive.” Jackson drops a hand and lifts his hips, pulling one of Stiles’ legs until the human gets the massage and- for some fucking reason- lays on the couch. The wolf’s hips immediately settle into the space created and Stiles can feel just how much Jackson wants this. Him. “I wanted to be the one you had a crush on because of the massive one I have on you.”

That’s a lot to process. If Jackson liked him then- “why did you make my life hell?” 

Jackson’s free hand falls to Stiles’ hip, rubbing softly and the other props himself on the armrest behind Stiles’ head. “I didn’t know how to handle the fact that I suddenly like guys. Well, a guy.” The wolf sighs, “Lydia knew and agreed to keep my secret as long as I needed her to. I’m sorry I treated you like that.”

Stiles has never seen him act so soft. Having Derek as an Alpha and a proper back must really be working for Jackson. It makes him charming in a way that his jerk persona never could. Being emotionally balanced and all that. 

“I’m going to ask you one more time. And I’ll know if you’re lying. So don’t do me any favors and don’t hide from me either.” The warning is evident. Don’t say it and not mean it. And don’t mean it but not day it. Otherwise he’ll walk. “Will you please, let me fucking kiss you?” 

Stiles fists his fingers in the wolf’s shirt- half expecting Jackson to snap at wrinkling his expensive clothes- to push him away or pull him closer, the other boy really doesn’t know. Until his arm moves of its own volition and Jackson’s mouth gets drawn to him. 

The wolf chuckles against his lips, “finally.” The hand on his hip grips tighter and the other comes back to his jaw. Jackson tilts his head up to deepen the kiss. Jackson kisses like he wants to swallow Stiles whole. Maybe he does. Maybe Stiles would let him. Panting he pulls away again, and the other teen bites back a whine. “I have one more question and then I promise I’ll shut up.”

The human playfully rolls his eyes, “what is it?”

“Be with me.” Jackson states. Stiles cocks his head to the side with a chuckle, that wasn’t really a question. But his heart skips a beat nonetheless at the implication of the wolf’s words. “Will you be my boyfriend?” 

Stiles is nodding before the request is completely out of Jackson’s beautiful face. “Fuck yeah, dude.” The wolf breathes out a laugh at the ridiculousness. “Now just kiss me. Please?” 

“Whatever you want,” Jackson grins and presses his body in further, claiming Stiles’ lips as his own. 

Stiles is now stupidly happy about this storm locking them in Lydia’s lake house. He got a boyfriend out if. 

[trashyswitch]

Distractions On The Job

Michael Afton had been hired to work at the Circus Baby's Pizza World. It's only day 3, and he's already feeling uneasy about continuing the work. Things get stranger as he's distracted for a long while during his shift.

There are a couple swear words, but that's about it.

Though this fanfic idea was mostly my idea, I'm dedicating it to @planet--venus, and @youngdrawingweirdo (both on Tumblr) because Venus helped me, and they've both been awaiting this fanfic. And lastly: Shoutout to @agarus-fallen-lershal because...I love them! <3

[There is no need to check on Baby tonight. Please refrain from entering unauthorized areas. Proceed directly to Funtime auditorium.]

Michael looked to his right and watched the three floor vents open. He bit his lip nervously, but proceeded to spite his gut feeling. As his legs passed the entrance of the vent, the sliding door closed.

[FUNTIME AUDITORIUM MAINTENANCE VENT OPENED]

Michael stood back up in the pitch black room and was given a light of some sort. As Handunit started talking again, Michael clicked the button and to his horror: the light only flashed and turned back off.

[...Funtime Foxy is motion-activated. For this reason, it’s important to keep the room dark, as to not accidentally activate her-]

Michael scoffed. Of course he- SHE...is.

[You have been provided with a flash beacon. Use it if you need to get your bearings and to ensure you don’t bump into anything. However, use it as sparingly as possible.]

Michael flashed the beacon again and widened his eyes at the brighter-looking Foxy that was shaking her head rapidly and menacingly at him.

[Proceed forward to reach the parts and service room.]

Michael flashed it again and stopped to let the creepy, shiny version of Foxy go by. Michael let out a quiet sigh as he realized Handunit was now done talking. He waited a few moments and flashed the beacon, smiling slightly as he saw Funtime Foxy shaking her head farther away from him. Michael proceeded through Funtime Auditorium.

He kept an eye on how much he was using it, and made sure to flash it only when he desperately needed to. He waited a bit longer before flashing it again. Michael widened his eyes but continued to walk, despite the creepy Funtime Foxy’s shaking body getting closer. He flashed it again and smiled. The fox was no longer in sight.

He continued to take slow steps towards the far door across the auditorium. He was trying his hardest to be very careful and precise. It was a long process, but he was hoping it would be worth the paycheck...

Oh what the hell...Why would any place like this be worth anything?! Look at this place! It’s partially abandoned! Baby isn’t even a singer because she caused a death! And Foxy-

OH NO!

Michael quickly stopped and covered the beacon. Foxy had gotten so close to him! Very slowly, Michael uncovered the beacon and gave it a quick flash.

She was still there, but not as close. So, Michael slowly started to walk again. He took a couple more steps more before flashing the beacon. Closer, but still safe.

As Michael made his way through, he began to wonder: would Michael be able to just take a run for it without the beacon flashes? Or would that be too risky?

Michael flashed the beacon again, and revealed that Foxy was getting farther away. The door wasn’t very far from him. Theoretically, he would be able to get to the Parts and Service room quicker if he ran. And if he desperately wanted to get there faster, now would be the chance to do it.

Very well. Michael flashed the beacon at the door one more time…

Target acquired.

Michael dropped the beacon right where it was and started sprinting towards the door. He ran with no fear, yet no sight of where he was now. How far was he to the door? It shouldn’t be-

<>

“OW!”

Michael flopped onto the ground and groaned in pain. His nose, head, chest and knees all hurt simultaneously. He wasn’t even sure if he could get himself up. Michael tried to reach up for some sort of leverage, but he couldn’t feel anything. Not even a doorknob.

Out of nowhere, a flash sound went off...A dim light reflected off the door for only a second before disappearing. Michael had looked up at the door just in time to see the fading light, and gasped in horror. Either he wasn’t the only human being in the room...or Funtime Foxy had just found the dropped beacon…

Shit.

Suddenly, a pair of hands had grabbed his ankles. Michael shouted loudly for help as he was pulled away from the door into the dark abyss that was the Funtime Auditorium.

“HELP! HEEELP! HELLO?!” he shouted.

But no one responded.

Michael started breathing heavily and started trying to fight and get himself away from the animatronic. “LET GO! RIGHT NOW!” He wiggled his body and kicked his feet as hard as he could to cause some sort of damage to the fox. But it only sounded like metal clanging with no damage being caused. His damned father made these animatronics way too overpowering…

Michael soon started to punch the animatronic. Half the time he was punching the air and hoping he’d hit something eventually. But other times, he was actually hitting something and making a clanging sound with his fist. The punches hurt a lot, and were probably making his fists all bloody. But why would he care about some cuts and scars if his life is on the line?!

Suddenly, one of his punches seemed to cause his arm to slide against something sharp. He tried to pull his arm out but to Michael’s horror: the sharp thing clamped down more on his arm.

“NO!” He started pulling on his arm desperately. “COME! ON! PLEASE!” He yelled with each pull.

His arm was completely stuck. The worst part was that he was able to predict what he’d gotten his arm stuck in. It felt like multiple sharp points being clamped onto his arm all at once. Only one thought came to his mind:

Metal teeth.

Michael grunted and growled with every pull. Yes, it hurt his arm to pull like this. Yes, it felt like pulling was creating more damage than the actual clamping. But he’s either getting out alive, or losing an arm trying.

But quickly, all his pulling paused as a thick, long nail started scratching at his armpit. Michael bit his lip and continued to try pulling again. But the scratching on his armpit was distracting him a little bit. “Foxy, p-please let me go. I’m sorry for disturbing you a-andyourpeacebut- aaAAAAGH!” Michael stopped pulling and covered up his mouth with his free hand. His eyes were squeezed closed as two more nails started scratching at his armpit.

Were they even nails? They sure felt like nails. They didn’t feel like the pointy nails you’d see girls wear to make it look like claws. They felt thick and rounded. But of course, he couldn’t confirm anything due to how pitch black the auditorium was. The man’s lips had started stretching out the sides of his face, giving him an uncontrollable, wide smile. His smile probably would’ve been noticeable outside of his hand. But again: the pitch black darkness hid that.

Despite that one tiny upside, the darkness was also working completely against him. This was further shown by how surprised and adrenaline-stucken he felt when the nails started digging deeper into his armpit. Michael let out a whimper of both surprise and restraint to hold his instincts back. It tickled so badly but he didn’t wanna break. He knew what Foxy wanted and he was NOT giving it to her.

But Michael could already tell this was not gonna end well for him. Funtime Foxy had chosen to scratch her long nails in the pit of the arm that was stuck, meaning he couldn’t put it down to cover it up. Even if he could, it’s likely that Foxy would just lift his arm up and tickle him more, making it even WORSE for the technician.

Michael started to let out small muffled titters. It was getting harder and harder for him to hold his laughter in. And Funtime Foxy wasn’t helping him one bit. In fact, Funtime Foxy decided to intensify things by digging a nail into his other armpit. Michael let out a muffled yelp and quickly removed his hand from his mouth to cover up his armpit with his arm.

Normally when someone tickles you, covering up the armpit with your arm leads to their thumb or finger getting crushed and as a result: either stops the tickling altogether, or leaves you being trapped in deep, endless tickles till you let their finger go. But when Michael covered up his one armpit...his arm COULDN’T crush her finger! Like, at all! The finger was still standing up, and digging into his armpit despite the arm pushing against it. There was just no stopping this fox from tickling him.

Michael’s smile started showing teeth and he finally started tittering and hissing. His laughter was finally breaking through the cracks, and he was NOT liking it. If he had proper control of his instincts, he would’ve stopped himself from reacting altogether! But nope! His body was yelling for him to breathe. But breathing would involve letting out the bubbles of giggles that were trapped in his lungs. So it was a win-lose situation.

But then...Foxy removed all of his fingers.

Michael let out a breath of relief. Thank goodness it was all over. He was so close to cracking too. If he had continued for a few more seconds of so, then he probably would’ve been a goner. But, he didn’t and now, he can rest in peace-

“NnaaaAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Michael screamed and bursted out laughing immediately!

Funtime Foxy’s fingers had touched back down on Michael’s body. But this time, on his sides. And on top of that, Funtime Foxy’s fingers had started scratching so rapidly, it felt like lightyear speed! That was what finally broke the man.

“OHOHOHO NOOOHOHOHOHOHO! FOHOHOHOXYYYYHYHYHYHYHY!” Michael shouted loudly and desperately.

All of a sudden, Michael’s arm was let go. “WELCOME, WELCOME TO THE FUNTIME AUDITORIUM!” the animatronic declared.

Michael squealed from being jumpscared, and instinctively covered his face with both his hands.

“MY NAME IS FUNTIME FOXY AND I HOPE, FOR YOUR SAKE AND MINE, THAT YOU’RE HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME.” Foxy declared next.

Michael shook his head as he laughed, not able to handle the intensely ticklish nails AND the deafening voice of Foxy all at once.

“I SEE HERE, WE HAVE A VERY TICKLISH BOY AMONGST US.” She added.

Michael whined in between his laughter at the ‘shoutout’ he got. “HEHEHEHEY! SHUHUHUT UHUHUHUHUP!”

“I WONDER: DOES THIS MAN HAAAAVE TICKLISH HIPS?” Funtime Foxy asked, looking at him with the white light in her eyes.

Michael gasped in absolute terror as he uncovered his red face. “No!” he whispered.

Foxy brought her nails up to Michael’s right hip and gave it a push. Despite his attempts to cover it up, Michael still instinctively jumped and let out a small yelp.

Foxy leaned her head closer. “I THINK THAT’S A YES.”

Michael quickly tried kicking Foxy and doing all he could to get the heck out of there!

“I SEE WE HAVE A TOUGH COOKIE! PERHAPS A LARGE WIGGLE WORM!” Foxy reacted. “IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I’VE COME ACROSS SUCH A FIGHTING SPIRIT!” She declared.

Michael gulped and widened his eyes at the white small lights in her eyes. There was NO WAY he was getting out of this alive.

“PERHAPS A FIGHTING SPIRIT LIKE YOU SHOULD LEARN WHEN TO PICK YOUR BATTLES?” Foxy suggested.

Before Michael could properly reply, Foxy had started digging both her thumbs into his hips.

Michael SCREAMED and arched his back as he grabbed the metal thumbs. “NOHOHOHOHO STAHAHAHAHAHAHAP! PLEHEHEHEASE! IHIHIHIHIT TIHIHIHICKLEHEHEHES SOHOHOHOHO MUHUHUHUHUHUCH!” Michael shouted at him.

“WOULD’YA LISTEN TO THAT?! A WORTHY OPPONENT TO BEAT MY RECORD FOR ‘MOST LOUDEST VOICE’!” Foxy teased.

“YOHOHOHOU FUHUHUCKIHIHING AHAHAHASSHOHOHOLE!” Michael spat back at her.

“OH MY GOODNESS! EVERY BOY KNOWS YOU SHOULD NEVER SWEAR AT A WOMAN.” Foxy warned.

Michael wasn’t entirely listening due to his super ticklish hips being exploited.

“BESIDES:” Foxy stopped her tickle attack and gave Michael’s body a somewhat firm squeeze...then she brought him closer to her head and changed her eyes from a white pure color, to a deep red. “YOU SHOULD NEVER SWEAR IN FRONT OF CHILDREN.”

Michael widened his eyes and squeezed the animatronic’s cold fingers in pure fear.

[Eggs Benedict: It seems that you’re not yet at the Parts and Service room. I’m afraid you’re running out of time to perform your maintenance duties. We understand this is your first week, so we will let it slide. However, we still require you to fix Funtime Freddy. As a result: we will need you to work a couple hours of unpaid overtime, to get your duties done before 8:30 the next morning.] The handunit suddenly told him.

Michael was barely able to focus and listen for what the Handunit was saying, due to his predicament. Thankfully though, Foxy’s eyes went back to white and her fingers had loosened off again. But unfortunately, the fingers had also gone back to tickling.

“HEHEHEHELP MEHEHEHEHEHE!” He begged.

[I’m afraid I cannot understand you properly. Apologies for the error.] Handunit told him.

Michael growled in frustration and started kicking harder and harder to get the animatronic to let him go.

Wait, did he just say unpaid overtime?!

“FOHOHOXYYYYY! LEHEHEHET MEHEHEHE GOHOHOHOHOHO!” He begged.

“IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I’VE HEARD SUCH BIG BOY LAUGHTER LIKE YOURS. I’M USED TO HEARING LITTLE KIDS LAUGHTER.” Foxy told him.

“IHIHIHI KNOHOHOHOHOW!” Michael yelled back.

“I WONDER: WHERE ELSE ARE YOU TICKLISH?” Foxy asked as she stopped tickling.

Michael went limp in her arms and started panting heavily. Foxy held onto Michael with both her arms, and shown a light onto the limp man. Michael slowly brought his head up a little, only for his eyes to squeeze shut from the bright light illuminating from her eyes. Michael lifted his hand up and covered up his eyes with the back of his hand.

“OH! WHAT A WONDERFUL TICKLE SPOT SUGGESTION!” Foxy suddenly declared. Michael lowered his hand a little in confusion, before being overcome with laughter again. Foxy started scratching in his right armpit yet again, and even added scratching into his ribs.

“EEEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE! COHOHOHOME OHOHOHOHOHOHON!” he begged.

“OOOHOHOOO! I THINK SOMEONE’S A BIT TOO TOO TICKLISH!” Foxy reacted. “COULD IT BE THAT THIS BOY HERE IS TOO TICKLISH TO HANDLE MY PRETTY PINK FOX NAILS?” she teased.

“IHIHIHIT’S TOHOHOHOHOO MUHUHUHUCH! IHIHI CAHAHAHAHAN’T TAHAHAHAHAKE IHIHIHIT!” Michael yelled at her.

“HE CAN’T TAKE IT, HE SAYS! OH NO! WHATEVER WILL HE DO TO GET OUT OF THIS TICKLISH DISASTER?” Foxy teased further, not taking his plea’s seriously at all.

“PLEHEHEHEAHASE LEHEHET MEHEHE GOOOOHOHOHO!” He pleaded.

“OOOOOH! NOW HE’S STARTING TO BE POLITE! RUNNING OUT OF BREATH, PERHAPS?” Foxy teased.

Michael nodded his head as he started to fall into fits of cackles from all the tickling.

“PERHAPS A LONG BREAK IS NEEDED?” She suggested.

“YEHEHEHES PLEHEHEHEHEASE!” He replied hopefully.

Funtime Foxy finally agreed and stopped tickling Michael completely. Michael went limp in her arms and panted heavily in her arms.

“SUCH A POOR, TIRED SOUL. PERHAPS A NAP WOULD MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER?” Foxy asked.

Gosh...a nap sounded amazing right about then. But he still had work to finish up! He was thankful to be alive and breathing though. He wasn’t ignoring that small appreciation.

[Funtime Foxy. Please put Eggs Benedict down. You had your fun, and now Mr. Benedict needs to finish his nightly duties.] Handunit told her.

“OKAY, SWEETY.” Foxy replied, putting him down. Foxy gave him the beacon back and walked away. “HAVE FUN! AND COME HERE ANYTIME YOU WANT ANOTHER TICKLE OR TWO!” Foxy told him before bidding him farewell.

Michael rolled onto his back and scoffed at her last words. There was no way he was getting into that mess again.

Michael slowly got himself up again and used the beacon to get to the door. When he got there, he listened to every instruction and followed them to a tee. But when it came to grabbing the power modules, Michael noticed that Bonnie was bouncing around and not letting him grab it.

“Come on, little guy…” He told him softly. “Come on out…” He whispered.

Swiftly, a blue figure had jumped at his face and flopped onto his chest. “HEY! WHAT IS UP WITH ALL YOU CRAZY-” Michael yelped and widened his eyes as he stared at the blue puppet with part of his shirt in his mouth. “Bon Bon...let go.” He ordered. But Bon was feeling childish and mischievous.

The blue bunny refused to let go and instead, started burrowing himself inside Michael’s shirt. Michael jumped and tried to reach in and grab him, but it was too late! The evil puppet had already started crawling his half-body around inside and was tickling his belly and sides.

“HEHEHEHEY! HAHAhahahaha! Whahahahat ihihihis uhuhuhup wihihihith yohohou guhuhuhuys ahahand tihihihicklihihihing?!” Michael asked. “Thehehe ohohold ahahanimahatrohohonihics dihihihidn’t dohohoho thihihihis! Thehehey juhuhust sahahahang!” Michael reacted.

The little blue pupper let out a little giggle in reply to that.

“OH BIRTHDAY BOOOOY!” Funtime Freddy suddenly declared, leaning in with his eyes opened widely.

Bon Bon crawled out from Michael’s shirt collar. “Calm down, and go back to sleep!” he told him.

Freddy straightened his back again and closed his eyes. Then, Bon Bon popped out of his shirt and showed him the module. Michael smiled and took it from him.

[Great job. You’ve acquired both power modules. This completes your tasks for the night. Please exit the building through Funtime Auditorium, and we’ll see you back here again tomorrow.]

[chikkou]

masterpost on the ryan haywood (and adam kovic) situation

so i already made this post as a more general “whats wrong with rooster teeth” post, as i honestly didnt expect the ryan haywood/adam kovic situation to go as far as it has - but at this point i think it’s much more prudent to put that information into its own post because the situation with both of these men, ryan primarily, has gone off the fucking rails 

tl;dr for the situation: ryan haywood and adam kovic both had nudes leak and were outed as cheating on their wives as a result of being catfished, but a great deal more information surfaced after the initial leak which led to the discovery that ryan haywood is a manipulative sexual predator, and adam kovic may have been sending sexual pictures and videos of his wife without her consent. 

i will try to break down this post chronologically as best i can and provide ample sources, and i will update it as new information is gathered. please be aware that many of these sources will be coming from kiwifarms, as it has gathered all of the relevant info into one place, but i will not be linking to the thread directly for a myriad of reasons, so if you want to find it, youll have to look for yourself. apologies if any of the screenshots contain disagreeable language; i wouldnt link them if they werent relevant.

general tw for pretty much everything in this post. all pictures of people will be largely sfw, but there will be nsfw text under the cut. i will not link to any nudes of ryan or adam. this is going to be long as fuck.

here goes.

NOTE: this post is currently up-to-date as of january 28th, 7:27 pm (EST). 

GENERAL BACKGROUND:

adam kovic and ryan haywood are both employees at the entertainment company rooster teeth. ryan has been working there since 2011, originally for more behind-the-scenes work before becoming a regular achievement hunter staple, while adam kovic was a personality who originally worked for machinima before he and a few others branched off to become funhaus. funhaus was later purchased by the media corporation fullscreen, as was rooster teeth, and both were merged sometime in 2014/2015. 

HOW THIS ALL BEGAN:

sometime in august, there were rumors circulating on certain forum sites that a catfisher had been sexting with a handful of e-celebs, and had their nudes. a torrent link was put up containing the files, but was quickly taken down. this didnt gain much traction, but was brought up again on the same forum in late september/early october. this time, the person posted images directly, showing that they’d been sexting with adam kovic and ryan haywood.

according to them, they didnt get very far with ryan and so there were only a small handful of his pictures and videos, but there were over 400 of adam’s nudes, also pictures and videos, and some of which featured his wife. after this news broke, a thread was made on kiwifarms to document everything (the thread was created on october 4th). another thread was made on /pol/ shortly before this, claiming that ryan was grooming underaged fans, and that both ryan and adam had sexted with fans (both of age and underage). no sources or corroboration for this claim were given at the time.

WEEK 1, DAY 1 (october 4th):

initially, most of the focus was on adam, due to the sheer number of his nudes and the content within them. while people were suspicious of the veracity of ryan’s nudes, it became clear that the photos of adam were legitimate, as his face was shown in several of them, there was no evidence of photoshopping, and he has a distinct tattoo which made it pretty hard to dispute. heres a more sfw picture as an example.

the catfish had all of these images on hand, and due to the “sent to you” header on top we know that they were sent directly to the catfish, and not taken from adam’s phone, meaning he willingly sent these images to the catfish. note that his wife was indeed almost naked in the background (wearing only underwear), and there are multiple pictures and videos of her completely naked and sometimes even engaging in sex with adam. after a bit of analysis, people came to the conclusion that the pictures of ryan were real, as well.

ADAM’S WIFE, JESS KOVIC:

no response came from him at first, nor his wife - the only indication she gave that she knew what had happened was this cryptic comment on her instagram account, which she has since privated. no one is quite clear what this reaction means, nor has she confirmed or denied whether she consented to the pictures and videos being taken and sent to others.

soon after, people who’d (puzzlingly) decided to sift through the nudes discovered something jarring - some of the nudes he’d sent appeared to have been taken IN the rooster teeth office. heres a sfw example, but there were at least a dozen others taken in the same location.

RYAN:

ryan’s nudes were largely ignored in the beginning - there were a great deal more of adam’s, and while ryan’s were pretty standard nudes, adam’s were much more plentiful and had a lot more variety in the... activities depicted, shall we say. people were also fixated on the status of his wife’s consent in the matter, and so little attention was given to ryan, who was simply deemed a cheater and left at that.

ROOSTER TEETH & THE FANBASE:

unsurprisingly, rt attempted to immediately suppress any and all mention of the scandal when it first broke. heres an image of a handful of threads that were made on r/roosterteeth that day; as you can see, the ones highlighted in red have been deleted, and all were about the leaks. comments on the official rt site were instantly deleted as well. no official comment from the company or any of the employees, though a former funhaus employee (rahul kohli) commented mocking adam for the situation, and implied that things were worse than we yet realized.

WEEK 1, DAY 2 (october 5th):

although adam had been the primary focus of the first day of the news breaking, it began to look like there was little else to discuss with him. at worst, he seemed to be a cheater, and potentially sent nudes of his wife without her permission. still disgusting, but as there was no comment from him and no new updates on his situation, attentions turned, and a slow rumble began bubbling up with more accusations about ryan.

ANONYMOUS ACCUSATIONS:

an anonymous twitter account, @brotherxteresa (whose account has since been suspended), claims to have been speaking to girls who’d been sexual with ryan. they state that everyone they’ve spoken to was of age - significantly younger than ryan, true, but still legally able to consent. however, they confirm that ryan has indeed been getting around with fans, both via sexting and in-person. he also strongly implies that the mods knew, and asks them to comment, but their responses are predictably vague. notably, though, is this tweet from @grandaddyskulls, in which they condemn “proven disgusting behavior,” heavily implying that the mods did indeed deal with “unproven” accusations against ryan in the past. unfortunately, there are no sources for this at this time.

on the same day, tumblr user @juggey creates this post, containing screenshots of a conversation they had with one of ryan’s victims. within those screenshots is this particularly interesting one, in which ryan receives a nude from the fan in question, only to ask, in an almost joking tone, if they “turned him into a felon” by sending a nude. they confirm that they are an adult, but it becomes clear that ryan did not know the age of the fan before getting sexual with them, and seems to have a very flippant and casual approach to this.

later on, this tweet is posted by @jasminewill123, confirming that ryan has indeed been messing with fans for years. no sources are posted, though, just a verbal confirmation. @brotherxteresa also reveals that he is speaking to someone who was solicited by ryan for sex when they were a minor in this tweet thread, but doesnt share any info, stating that the minor is saving it for a potential court case. there is also this tweet from someone stating that they slept with him in 2017, and that he claimed to have never had sex with a fan before and removed the condom mid-sex. once again, no corroboration for this just yet.

RT’S RESPONSE:

still mainly radio silence from the company, except for this tweet cancelling the days stream. replies on this post are locked almost instantly. rt also begins a quiet sweeping of all ryan and adam-centric content and videos, including a video of ryan reading “thirsty tweets” from fans, and straight up cut ryan out of certain videos (like a recent AHWU). some of these videos were archived, but we dont have a complete list of what was removed.

on the slightly less official side, r/roosterteeth issues a statement basically saying that any post attempting to discuss the leaks will be deleted immediately, and the people who post them will be reported (and likely banned).

WEEK 1, DAY 3 (october 6th):

we get our first confirmation of ryan having sexted a fan from @jasminewill123, in the form of this previously-unseen picture of ryan (it’s sfw but is clearly a cropped nude). rahul kohli again makes snide comments about adam and funhaus in general, but does not share any details of what he means. rumors spread that one of the former funhaus members, lawrence sonntag, has sent an email to his subscribers regarding adam kovic, but no evidence of that comes up yet. jess kovic posts this tweet plugging her online store, but still declines to comment on the situation. things are pretty quiet for a while, until finally, the first shoe drops.

TESSA GRAVES

at 4:13 pm, a woman named tessa graves posts this youtube video and links to it on her twitter account (with associated screenshots in the same thread). she discusses at length how she met ryan and when their relationship became sexual. 

as a brief summary of her video: they met at a con in 2017, when she had just turned 17, and started talking on snapchat. the relationship was platonic for a while until tessa accidentally sent him a picture meant for a friend in which her bra strap was visible. ryan began to flirt with her after this, and soon their relationship became sexual, with nudes being exchanged and dirty texts being sent. she states in the video that ryan did not know her age, nor did he ask for it. the two of them sexted and sent nudes on and off for two years, and planned to hook up in person, but it never came to fruition.

shortly after uploading the video, she posts this screen-recording of her snap messages with ryan, scrolling back through months and months of messages between them, all the way back to late 2017. the snapchat account is confirmed to be his, and the screen-recording proves to be incredibly compelling evidence. this is the first girl to come out and say that ryan was sexual with her when she was underage, and that she did send him nudes as a minor. on her twitter account, someone noticed that ryan was online in the video and inquired about it - tessa confirms that ryan messaged her when he saw her recording their chat, but declined to share what his message said.

RYAN’S TWEET

around an hour after tessa’s video was posted, ryan posts this tweet, announcing his departure from rt. he states that he “made mistakes,” acknowledging that the pictures and screenshots were real, but specifically insists that he “did nothing illegal,” a clear comment on tessa’s accusation. 

(he also asks people to stop harassing his family, but im unsure if the claim is true, as i personally have only seen people empathizing with his wife and children and no negative comments about them at all. he may be referring to people messaging his wife for comment on the situation, or he may just be straight up lying. given all hes done, the latter seems quite likely.)

people quickly begin speculating whether or not ryan was fired or quit of his own volition. personally, i believe the company offered him the option to either resign right then and there, or let them fire him publicly, and he chose the former. this is all speculation, though.

WEEK 1, DAY 4 (october 7th):

lawrence sonntag’s email to his subscribers finally gets leaked; it basically just says that hes grossed out and pissed off by what happened, and ends with the cryptic comment that “adam never washed his hands.” (he later stated that he meant this literally. EW!)

later the same day, adam privates his twitter account, and removes all references to rooster teeth and funhaus in his bio. shortly after, he unfollows everyone he was following and changes his icon and header to a black image. (basic public breakdown stuff, i suppose?) 

NEW LEAK TIMELINE:

it’s discovered that an anonymous twitter user, @d74840281, had messaged ryan and adam weeks before regarding these leaks on september 18th. they also accuse ryan, adam, and several other youtube personalities - alec paul, kootra, nenreaper, and dormstreams - of “grooming the same minor.” (i dont know any of those people, but it seems relevant so i added it.)

it’s also revealed that the r/funhaus subreddit was aware of the leaks 2 weeks beforehand, meaning that the info was successfully suppressed until october 4th, and that it was likely well-known by all funhaus members and probably general rt staff, as well.

RT’S RESPONSE:

the official rt account on roosterteeth.com posts this update to their programming schedule, cancelling several rttv programs, putting both achievement hunter and funhaus on a week long break, and delaying the premiere of two new shows (”rvb zero” and “grudge night”)

not long after, they post these tweets stating that they have “parted ways” with both adam and ryan, confirming that both men are no longer rt employees. they are deliberately vague about whether the men were fired or quit, but given the responses from both, i think ryan likely chose to resign instead of be fired, and adam was probably just fired outright. 

RYAN’S MODS:

you may recall that, on the second day, the question of whether the mods knew about ryan’s doings was posed. their answers were, of course, extremely vague, but one of them in particular strongly implied that the mods had dealt with some kind of accusation against ryan in the past and either ignored or actively suppressed it. well, sure enough, two of the mods (@grandaddyskulls and @ohdeerbambi/) post tweets admitting that they knew the entire time. 

specifically, they state that someone came forward with accusations of ryan behaving inappropriately two years ago (2018), coupled with screenshots. the mods confronted ryan about this, and when ryan (predictably) lied about it, they decided to drop it instead of pursuing it further. 

ADAM’S TWEET:

at 10:49 pm, adam finally speaks up with a post on twitter, formally stating that he is leaving funhaus. he apologizes to his coworkers and fans, but primarily apologizes to his wife, stating that he has “upturned her life.” he describes the events thus far as an “unbelievable breach of privacy and peeling back of [his] life,” and says that he is stepping away in order to focus on repairing his relationship with his wife and working on himself. 

while we still have no confirmation on whether his wife consented to having those pictures and videos taken, we know with a good amount of certainty now that she did not consent to having them sent to others. this would likely qualify as revenge (or otherwise non-consensual) porn in the state of california, so if she pressed charges, adam would likely see jail time.

CAST MEMBERS REACT:

the first direct response from cast members come from michael, jeremy, and lindsay, stating their feelings of anger and betrayal, and strongly implying that none of them were aware of the goings-on. (while they definitely HAVE to say this cookie-cutter stuff for the sake of their image, i will say that theres really not much else a person can say in a situation like this while still being professional. i do tentatively believe all three of them, with the most doubt on michael.)  

at this time, lawrence sonntag unfollows ryan, as do gus and lindsay. interestingly, the first person ryan unfollows himself is lindsay - this could potentially mean that lindsay actually blocked him, which forces the other person to unfollow.

WEEK 1, DAY 5 (october 8th):

at this point, discussion of adam kovic all but tapers off. he has gone full radio silent, and no one has come out with any more stories about him, so it seems very likely that his wrongdoings begin and end with the initial sexting and sending nudes of his wife. the conversation begins to turn to focus on ryan in earnest.

RYAN’S WIFE:

a reddit post (that is sadly deleted now) is uncovered from 3 months ago that reveals he and his wife have been sleeping in separate rooms for some time - we’re unsure exactly how long, but most people who’ve mentioned it have said it started in may. according to ryan, this was because his wife was exposed to covid at her job, but the quarantine period for covid is only 2 weeks - why would they be sleeping in separate rooms for so long when they clearly were not doing so before?

it is speculated that his wife may have somehow learned of ryan’s dalliances, as he was also seen without his wedding ring in streams much more often around the same time. it is unknown exactly why, though, so take this with a grain of salt.

MORE ANONYMOUS ACCUSATIONS:

a deleted user on reddit makes a post stating that they, too, sexted with ryan while they were also married. their husband found out and threatened to leak the info, but the user was able to convince him not to do so and he - according to op - deleted what proof he had. although the original post is now deleted, a pinned moderator comment on it states that the user provided proof corroborating the story in private. you can read a copy-pasted version of that story here. (apologies if it’s out of order.)

MORE CAST MEMBER COMMENTARY:

a list of all known cast member statements can be found here. it’s pretty comprehensive, but there are some i want to address here directly:

lindsay snaps at someone who tries to call her out for “not supporting her family” (meaning ryan). this, for me, is the big reason why i feel that she, at the very least, is being sincere.

blaine posts this.... weird video of him working out and captions it “me figuring out how to convert anxiety into energy.” i guess it’s supposed to be somewhat of a mood lightener, but honestly it just feels kind of trivializing to me. idk what he was thinking LMAO

aaron marquis makes this... interesting (and vague) comment. no further elaboration on it, but it’s definitely unique in comparison to many others.

meg’s statement strikes me as particularly devoid of sincerity. it may just be confirmation bias, but i just feel like it’s incredibly hollow in comparison to the others (which are also kind of hollow LMAO).

joel heyman, who was fired from rt not long ago, doesnt comment directly, but does like this tweet which calls him “the only non-degenerate connected to rt.” (OCT. 12 EDIT: he has since posted this tweet with no context, but i think it’s pretty clear what hes referring to.)

tina dayton, streamer and wife of ray, posts this tweet letting people know that mentioning the ryan/adam situation to ray in streams will not be tolerated. (OCT. 21 EDIT: she posts this tweet a few days later, on october 15th, decrying anyone who wants to play “devils advocate” in support of an abuser against their victim.)

JAN 30 EDIT: this is very late, but sometime on or before january 6th, alfredo briefly discussed the ryan haywood situation on his stream and berated those who still support him. his closing statement is the perfect summation of all of these events: fuck ryan haywood.

WEEK 1, DAY 6 (october 9th):

adam kovic deletes his twitter account, and all other public social media. this is the last piece of relevant adam kovic information for several months to come.

MICHELLE VOLOGS

at 11:26 am, a twitter user named @MichelleVologs posts this tweet, containing a link to this video, called “what you need to know about ryan haywood,” in which she asserts - with proof - that she and ryan had sex on september 23rd 2017, when she was 17 years old.

brief summary: they began talking when she was 17 and dm’d him on instagram. it was platonic at first, but he began flirting with her and trying to sext with her, at which point she inquired about the nature of his relationship with his wife. he insisted that they were in a “sexless marriage” because his wife hates sex, and that he needed to seek it out elsewhere. (we have no idea if this is even remotely true - the only source claiming this is ryan himself.) they sexted for a while, then eventually met up in california and had sex in person (and much like the story that @jasminewill123 told, ryan removed the condom in the middle of sex). when michelle told ryan that she was underage, he simply stated that it was okay and that he “trusted her.” 

she shows screenshots throughout the video of their instagram dms, as well as some candid shots of ryan in their hotel room. (people have speculated that the latter two pictures may be ryan removing his wedding ring.) this picture also proves that they definitely met in person. take note of the fact that, in the dms, michelle keeps the conversation very platonic and professional - ryan is the one to initiate the sexual talk, and with zero prompting.

on top of this, michelle is also the first person to posit the idea that ryan deliberately chose to pursue young girls with mental health issues, a notion that will crop up again later.

EVEN MORE ANONYMOUS ACCUSATIONS

a reddit user by the name of “klowbie-frenzy” states that they, too, were victimized by ryan, though they dont publicly share their story or any particular info. they are encouraged to go to rt directly.

WEEK 1, DAY 7 (october 10th):

ryan begins deleting tweets, but other than that is completely radio silent. people analyzing ryan’s instagram notice this post, made on september 24th 2017 - the day after he and michelle had sex. sure enough, he is still in LA as he was the day before, and michelle herself comments on the post in a clear reference to the events of the day before, reasserting that she is telling the truth.

LEIGH:

yet another girl, leigh, comes forward and says she was sexually involved with ryan. she posts this (very long) document to her twitter account @leigh__sucks, which details the entirety of her relationship with ryan. unlike tessa and michelle, leigh was over 18 during the course of her experience with ryan (she was 20 when they first started talking).

brief summary of the document: she started messaging ryan on snapchat in 2017, and it remained platonic until february 2018, when they exchanged nudes for the first time. they sexted for a while, until hooking up for the first time at rtx 2018. leigh told someone she knew about the encounter, and this person began harassing leigh and ryan about it, threatening to tell his wife and leaving nasty comments on ryan’s stream. eventually the person backed off, and ryan and leigh continued sexting and meeting up for sex, on and off. according to her, they sexted as recently as september 2020.

this story is MUCH different than tessa’s and michelle’s, as leigh was still engaging with ryan fairly actively until only a month ago, and had a different perspective as an adult than the two underaged girls would have had. still, she is absolutely correct that ryan held a similar power over her due to his celebrity status, and that he took advantage of this.

she also provides screenshots and pictures of the two of them in the thread. although it is all VERY convincing - as if everything else hes done wasnt enough - theres something particularly unique in her thread, which is these screenshots of payments sent to her by ryan, under the name “sorta malicious gaming.” why is ryan sending leigh money under this name relevant? well...

RYAN’S DONATIONS:

one of ryan’s mods reveals that the email ryan used to send this money was connected to his stream. according to ryan, the money he received from twitch donations and bits went to his children’s college funds, or any necessary big-ticket expenditures like home repairs - however, as we can see here, that was a complete lie. this means that all donations he received, which he claimed went to taking care of himself and his family, were actually being spent on gifts and plane tickets for the girls he was hooking up with. im not sure if he could get into any legal trouble here - im doubtful, since they are donations - but this is just another way he took advantage of his fans, only this time is financial instead of sexual. and speaking of taking advantage of fans...

RYAN “VENTS” TO LEIGH:

shortly after posting her document, leigh added an update to say that ryan had redownloaded snapchat and that she’d immediately began taking screenshots. surprisingly, ryan messaged her and asked if she’d speak with him. leigh agreed (for the purpose of getting more screenshots, according to her), and ryan began talking about how his marriage and career were over, how he never meant to victimize anyone, and that the girls coming out would rather “make him the bad guy” than accept that theyd slept with him willingly. 

leigh mentions that it occurred to her how ryan would always cast doubt on any rumors by claiming that whatever girl hed been involved with was “crazy,” and notes that he did the same to her, all while calling her his “friend.” this will be relevant again later. 

ryan goes on to point the finger at leigh specifically, saying that he ‌“still‌ ‌didn’t‌ ‌know‌ ‌if‌ ‌[she] ‌was‌ ‌going‌ ‌to‌ ‌add‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌fire‌ ‌at‌ ‌this‌ ‌point,”‌ ‌and‌ ‌how‌ ‌he‌ ‌“hoped‌ ‌[she wouldn’t]‌ ‌for‌ ‌his‌ ‌kids’‌ ‌sake.” all the while, leigh notes that he was deleting messages, proving to her that ryan was more fixated on his image and manipulating her into doing what HE wanted, rather than doing the right thing. here are screenshots of the conversation between leigh and ryan, and here are some clearer photos (as some are a bit blurry due to being taken on another phone).

WEEK 2, DAY 1 (october 11th):

this day is mostly quiet as people attempt to digest the absurd influx of information from the days prior, as well as the huge bombshell dropped by leigh in particular. 

RYAN’S DISCORD SERVER:

it’s discovered that ryan likely found out about the leaks very early on (either the very first day, or the day of tessa’s accusation), because he was noted as being online in his discord server, which he apparently rarely used.

the users in his discord server immediately disown him upon learning of his preying on minors, and assert that the server is now a general server instead of a ryan haywood server.

YOU GUESSED IT - MORE ANONYMOUS ACCUSATIONS:

this tweet thread is made by @trickstress_ stating that, while working with “the madhouse” (not exactly sure what this is, but it seems like some kind of ryan-themed community server), they attempted to get ryan to address a situation occurring behind the scenes in which someone was being bullied and harassed by other members. when ryan is sent five pages of screenshots and evidence, he basically says that screenshots are not proof and that the victim simply “wanted” to be offended. this caused trick and a few others to leave the madhouse.

in the same screenshot, he mentions a situation involving another certain user that he is dealing with (the name of the person in question is redacted in blue), and trick speculates that the person in blue may be another one of ryan’s victims.

meanwhile, twitter user @eacalpreon (whose account appears to be deleted) states that they uncovered this tumblr post from august 25th, 2019, about someone who spotted ryan at an austin hotel they used to work at, entering a hotel room booked by someone that was certainly NOT his wife. at the time of posting, this was simply brushed off as speculation and ignored.

KAYLA:

at 10:03 am, this tweet is posted by @HADERSRICHIE/, detailing yet another story of their encounters with ryan. unlike other stories, kayla unfortunately does not have any screenshot evidence due to losing it all after unfriending ryan from snapchat in 2018 - but in all honesty, at this point we know hes guilty, so that part is not as relevant.

brief summary of the document: the two began talking on snapchat in february 2017, but they didnt begin talking regularly until june 2017, after kayla had moved to austin (for non-related reasons). kayla reveals that she is the user from trick’s tweet thread that was bullied out of the madhouse, and that ryan was not only unhelpful, but was actively telling people that she was a “crazy psycho.” she also backs up the idea that ryan seemed to deliberately target girls with mental health issues. in late 2017/early 2018, the two “make up” and ryan initiates sexual talk. within the first day of flirting, ryan sends kayla a dick pic. the two sexted for a while, and eventually did hook up in person. they hooked up 3 times in total before kayla unfriended ryan on snapchat and ceased all communication with him. 

unlike other cases, kayla was of age (23/24) when this all went down. later on, trick confirms on reddit that kayla was indeed the person from her tweet thread whose name was censored in blue.

DOT:

at 3:37 pm, this tweet thread is posted by @alijdotroro stating that she was also involved with ryan for a few months. her thread is fairly short, and she states that they never had sex in person or anything to the same extent as some of the others - he flirted with her for the first time while she was at a concert, it continued for several months, then he got bored and stopped it. dot was unable to provide screenshots as she had deleted her snapchat. 

JACK’S STATEMENT:

jack pattillo posts this tweet at 8:16 pm, containing this document regarding the ryan (and adam) situation. he first addresses his feelings of anger, betrayal, and guilt, stating that he feels somewhat responsible as he helped to create the same platform that ryan abused. he goes on to thank everyone who has had kind words for him and the other rt staff, and states that while he knows everyone handles rough situations differently, he hopes that people can understand his desire to think positively. he goes on to say that he knows it will be difficult for fans to trust rt going forward, but that he hopes they will give rt another chance and that they (rt) “will be better - [they] have to be.” 

as far as all of the statements go, in my opinion, this one is the most sincere of all (although lindsay’s is definitely the most sincere for me) - jack clearly wrote this himself instead of using standard “shocked” quotes as many of the other rt cast did, and while it is definitely very damage control-y, i can easily tell that he, at the very least, is taking the matter seriously. this doesnt necessarily mean that jack 100% didnt know, but at this point i am inclined to believe that he didnt.

WEEK 2, DAY 2 (october 12th):

twitter user @fantaisieally discusses her own experiences with ryan haywood; they chatted on snapchat starting in 2017, she would often go to him for dating advice, and while ryan finally tried to hit on her, he got completely deaded when she told him that he was “like her older brother.” honestly this one is just really funny to me, like she completely curved his ass and he had to flounder talking about “i was JOKING lol just a joke!” it’s pretty glorious after all this terrible shit.

someone on reddit notes that after ally turns him down, ryan doesnt apologize or anything, but instead continues the “joke” in such a way that prompts her to accept his offer while still giving him plausible deniability. (that phrase is going to come up quite a bit with regard to his overall “strategy.”)

KATIE B:

at 9:08 am, twitter user @frizzical/ posts this tweet thread, documenting her own relationship with ryan. she states that, while their relationship thankfully never turned sexual, ryan absolutely attempted to groom her into sex and even mentioned her to another girl, saying he wanted a threesome with both of them.

brief summary of the document: katie started watching his streams when she was 17, and ryan knew her by name very quickly. they started talking on snapchat shortly after she turned 18, and although it was generally rt-related, one day she reached out asking for advice on a personal situation that ryan was incredibly helpful with, leading to them talking semi-regularly. they talked about katie’s abusive home life and mental health issues, and while things were mostly platonic, ryan would sometimes drop inappropriate questions in, such as if katie was a virgin and what her sexuality was. when katie hit hard financial times, ryan attempted multiple times to send her money, and when katie refused to take charity, he would make a “joke” about having her pay it off with sex.

eventually ryan forced her to accept the money, stating that he would no longer speak to her if she didnt. ryan was katie’s main support system, and so she felt she had no choice but to accept it. she states that he sent her $1000 in total, all of which came from his twitch’s paypal. he also actively tried to turn katie against her best friend - kayla, who was the other victim mentioned on week 2, day 1 (october 11th) - by telling her that kayla was crazy, but this did not work. in 2019, katie moved in with ryan’s mod bambi, and ryan very suddenly cut off contact completely. ryan and katie got back in contact as recently as earlier this week, and when she began taking screenshots of their snap conversations, ryan dm’d her on twitter to confront her about it, further trying to manipulate her. she ends with a message of support for the other girls. 

the messages ryan sent katie are viewable in the thread, but i would like to link them directly here to show how he manipulates victims. notice how he once again pins the blame on the victim for taking screenshots, instead of himself for being a fucking creep. 

RT’S RESPONSE:

they’ve been pretty quiet the last few days, but someone noticed that the off topic podcast episode #177 has been removed from iOS podcasts. this episode is the one where the guys discuss ryan’s habit of leaving business trips a day late. i find it extremely interesting that the company is claiming ignorance of the situation, yet would remove this VERY key piece of information in the process.

OFF TOPIC #177

i originally just had this as a bulletpoint in the miscellanous info section, but decided to move it to its own segment because it is actually quite significant to this story. in this video, michael, jeremy, gavin, ray, geoff, and andy blanchard discuss ryan’s habit of always leaving business trips a day late.

quick description: michael brings up a conversation he had with ryan about staying an extra day on business trips, and paraphrases ryan as saying that he prefers to stay away longer because “[his wife] isnt gonna watch [the kids], im not gonna get a fucking second at home.” michael then states that theyve “gotten to the bottom of this,” that ryan just wants to sleep before “going home to that nightmare.” 

as michael is talking, geoff and jeremy both go quiet and look very pensive and glassy-eyed, while ray tries to joke that the quote was a “cry for help from ryan” but immediately frowns after saying so. gavin, jeremy, and andy are completely quiet for the entire second half of the video. michael tries to paper over it by saying that ryan loves his kids very much as evidenced by their frequent appearances in his streams, but a visibly-uncomfortable ray makes another “joke” that having his kids appear in his videos is “easy money.”

then there is a VERY awkward silence in which everyone looks super uncomfortable, jeremy takes a massive gulp of his drink, ray has his hand over his mouth as he stares hard at michael and shakes his head repeatedly (as if telling him to stop talking), and geoff lets out a HUGE sigh, as if he’s just realized something terrible. michael ends the clip with the comment that they didnt “jack” ryan, meaning that they werent making fun of ryan to have him come on the podcast and defend himself. (OCT. 12 EDIT: thanks to @juggey for clarifying this!) although it’s not included in this short clip, the full podcast shows that the incredibly tense moment is cut by fiona nova immediately walking on set with a puppy out of nowhere. very fucking weird.

while it is largely circumstantial, i find this clip is extremely telling, and i think this is the moment where they realized that something was going on with ryan’s homelife (either they recognized that the real reason he wanted to stay behind was to cheat, or they’d simply put together that he was not happy at home for whatever reason). the fact that this off topic is one of the only ones to have been taken down also really strikes me as important.

ALISON

at 2:31 pm, twitter user @adothop posted some screenshots of conversations between herself and ryan. they did not have a sexual relationship, but looks like ryan tried hard (and failed hard LMAO) at flirting with her, to no avail. not much else to say about this one - it’s pretty straightforward.

RYAN’S STATEMENT

at 7:48 pm (around the same time i uploaded this post, lmao), ryan posted this statement on his twitter account, discussing the events of this past week. he takes full accountability for his actions, stating that he abused his position and crossed the line as a public figure, while also asking that people stop harassing his family. the statement’s about as cookie cutter as it can get - after all, what can a person really say to absolve themselves after being outed as doing so much horrid stuff?

i again am skeptical of the claim that his family is being harassed, though i dont doubt that people are harassing HIM directly, but in any case it’s as much of a non-apology as one might expect. he even tries to shift blame by saying he “always came from a place of what [he] thought was a shared connection.” it’s boilerplate bullshit, as usual.

ANOTHER RH STORY ANON

sometime around 9 pm, a reddit user going by r/anotherrhstoryanon (i will call them anon for short) put this post on the r/roosterteeth subreddit, and linked to a 30 page google doc detailing their relationship with ryan. the timeline of this one is very difficult to parse, but i will do my best to lay it out clearly. particular tw for this story - it describes in detail sexual abuse, physical abuse, and features ddlg heavily throughout. i will not be linking any images directly - please view the doc for those.

(not-so)-brief summary: im not certain of when ryan and anon originally started talking, but the earliest message shown in their conversation is from december 2016, and the first time they met up in person was april 2017. they were “together” for at least a year, as anon states that it took them until march 2018 to begin distancing themselves from ryan. their relationship was HEAVILY steeped in dd/lg culture - ryan almost solely referred to anon as names like “little girl,” “baby girl,” even calls them “kiddo” in the VERY FIRST SCREENSHOT and asks if theyve ever been with an older man. given that he already dipped below the age of consent twice (that we know of - we currently do not know the age of this anon), this is a very horrifying start.

anon admits pretty early on - to both ryan (in the screenshots) and the reader - that they were very intimidated by him, and felt a sort of compulsion to do as he ordered. but as they say quite clearly, they realized soon into their “relationship” that even though they wanted to please ryan so he’d like them, they hated having sex with him, hated BEING sexual with him, and just generally hated being with him. although they enjoyed sex the first time, they note that sex with ryan was rough and painful every time after, leading to them tearing more than once and bleeding EVERY time, and sometimes causing them to be unable to sit or walk after. 

ryan not only ignored anon every time they asked him to be more gentle, but seemed to get off on it, making comments about how they “needed more abuse” or that they “had to work up to it.” on top of all this, ryan would not wear a condom while having sex with anon, and lied to them about them being the only fan he was having sex with - which they believed until august 2020, more than two years later, when ryan said there was “one other fan.” in actuality, ryan had been sleeping with multiple girls and often removing the condom during sex, a fact well-documented here. 

anon ends the document by tying their story to several other known facts, to show the pattern of ryan’s behavior, and sharing some other pertinent info. some of these include:

- a picture of them taken in a hotel room mirror, in an identical room and position to the picture leigh took. 

- this video, at timestamp 8:27, of the off topic podcast #87. in this short moment, ryan idly licks a cupcake. anon shows a screenshot in which ryan messaged her and admitted that he was thinking about her while he was licking it. 

- screenshots of ryan attempting (again with limited success) to give anon money or buy them presents. anon was resistant to this, as katie had been, but ryan managed to convince them to accept a remote controlled sex toy. later in the same exchange, he uses the term “plausible deniability” again. there is a reason this keeps cropping up - he very likely used the phrase often.

- a screenshot of anon telling ryan point blank that the power dynamic between them was imbalanced. this message is dated may 23rd, 2020 - and around june 12th, 2020 was leigh’s exchange with ryan, in which he tells leigh that he is older and “some kind of quasi-internet person,” and is worried this will influence her.

- screenshots of ryan admitting to choking anon without their permission. according to anon, this was not the first time he did something to them without permission, and it wasnt even the non-consensual act anon was referring to when they brought it up. i sincerely cannot overstate my fucking disgust here.

there is a lot more i can get into here, but im going to cut it off here for the sake of brevity (and out of disgust, honestly). please consider reading all 30 pages, if you can stomach it - it truly is even worse than it sounds. theres a reason i didnt link to any of their messages directly.

WEEK 2, DAY 3 (october 13th):

sometime earlier in the week (im not sure when, as the “adam kovic” aspect of the story has been pretty much lost the plot), jess kovic deletes her twitter account. the reason why is pretty easy to guess. then, sometime today, it’s discovered that she has also deleted all posts containing pictures of adam on her instagram account.

(JAN 30 EDIT: this was originally an archive link which showed all of the most recent posts on jess’s insta, of which quite a few adam ones had been deleted [i saw it myself the day it was posted]. unfortunately, it appears the archive was taken down, so ive replaced the original link with a screenshot from kiwifarms of the first person to mention it on the thread. i know thats not amazing proof, but sadly its the best i can do.)

this all but confirms that jess did not consent to having those pictures/videos sent to other people, if she consented to having them taken at all, and this makes adams actions even more disgusting than we initially believed them to be.

RH ANON PT. 2:

people are still reeling from the absolutely horrendous document released the day before (oct. 12) when anon posts a short update on the very last page of the doc, which you can read here. they clear up some points that people were confused on; most are not relevant for our purposes, but the biggest one is that anon confirms they were NOT underage during their “relationship” with ryan and that he knew this. 

anon also confirms that ryan deliberately lied about the circumstances of their “relationship” in order to keep them from backing out of it, as he knew they would not want to proceed with a sexual relationship if he admitted the truth. based on context, i am taking this to mean that he lied about not sleeping with anyone else, and about wearing condoms if he did. 

MEGASHINY:

at 3:04 pm, ryan’s mod meg (who i will be calling by her username, megashiny, for the sake of clarity) posts this tweet, which contains a link to this document. in this document, she admits that ryan took advantage of his position over her (as, being his mod, she was basically his employee) and started sending her nudes without consent in september 2017 (she says it was a sunday, so either the 6th, 13th, 20th, or 27th - notice the proximity to his encounters with michelle and tessa). 

brief summary: he played the same card he had with the others, talking about his sexless marriage, and convinced megashiny to sleep with him. when she asked him point blank how many other girls he was involved with, he lied and said only one or two - as we clearly note, there were many, many more than that. she did not want to sleep with him, but like anon from yesterday, felt compelled to do what he asked. even when megashiny tried to say no to a sex act he wanted to do, he told her he “knew how to make her say yes.” he also knew about her having adhd and anxiety, and in conjunction with the other girls, strikes me as yet another continuation of his pattern of targeting mentally ill and neurodivergent women and girls.

while megashiny was somewhat close in age to ryan (she was 28 at the time), if youll notice in her picture, she is quite thin and small in stature - both of which contribute to her looking pretty young. while i do believe ryan knew her age, it would not surprise me if he pursued her because she had the APPEARANCE of being in her late teens.

megashiny posts an update later the same day, detailing the exact method weve seen happen with the other girls before - ryan would “throw all this attention and praise at [them], make [them] feel special,” only to “basically ghost [them].” this left the girls feeling like theyd done something wrong, but in actuality, it was all part of his plan to keep them dependent on and obedient to him. these same patterns crop up in every story, no matter the variables.

she also admits that she essentially helped ryan with his “sexcapades” by either covering for him, encouraging the girls to sleep with him, or just generally keeping her mouth shut regarding what she knew about them. (this part is very vaguely described, so i can only surmise what she means specifically, but i do think this is essentially what she is saying.) shortly after she posted this, ryan called her and begged her for over an hour to not divulge anymore information, and to “think of his wife and kids.” 

RYAN BEGINS MESSAGING VICTIMS: 

at 7:04 pm, michelle posts this tweet, with the caption “how it started vs how it ended (hopefully, and please stop harassing me)” and two pictures. the first picture is of her first exchange with ryan on instagram; the second picture is a more recent message from ryan (not sure exactly what day it was received, but as it still shows his old icon, it is definitely a few days old), begging her to take down her video and tweets and to “think about his kids.” (brief tw for suicide mention in the next two paragraphs.)

he even goes so far as to strongly imply that he is going to kill himself, telling michelle that he is “going to die” and that “he will die for this if you [michelle] want.” from the statement michelle made, it seems likely that he has sent her similar messages over the course of the last week. michelle must have blocked him on his original account, because he then made this throwaway account and dm’d her again, repeating the same sort of rhetoric and begging her to remove her statements “for his kids.”

in the same tweet thread, another victim, ileena (who was shown accusing ryan very early on in a previous screenshot) posts an old screenshot of a conversation between her and ryan, in which she is actively suicidal and ryan begs her not to kill herself because “practically there’s no way they wouldnt investigate and figure out you and i had stuff going on.” he straight up tells her that he doesnt want her to die because their affair will be discovered.

(note: ileena’s original screenshot contains a full, unblocked number that could potentially belong to ryan - but DO NOT CONTACT THIS NUMBER. he is a disgusting monster, but it is not anyone’s place to needlessly antagonize him, and we dont even know that that is his actual number to begin with. i am only putting this disclaimer because the screenshot is easily viewable in the thread; i wouldnt even mention it otherwise.) 

CAS:

not long after midnight, @slayercas/ (who i will refer to as “cas” for short) posts this cryptic tweet, strongly hinting at needing to say something important, but being scared to do so due to a lack of evidence - the surrounding tweets are all about ryan haywood, making it highly likely they are alluding to having been one of his victims. approximately 4 hours later, they received this message from a throwaway account, ostensibly owned by ryan.

notably, though, is the fact that this is NOT the same throwaway account which ryan was messaging michelle from - the account michelle was messaged from is @pleaseR73880233, while the account cas was messaged from, although the name is partially obscured, ends with the number “7384736.” no confirmation on cas’s claim, nor whether the account is truly ryan’s. 

(OCT. 14 EDIT: the full name seems to be @pleaseR27384736, which originally led to this cryptically bereft page. note the join date, amount of tweets, and amount of followers - the account was in use for quite some time, and may have had a different username before messaging cas. someone also takes note of the fact that there was an intern named “amber” who worked at rooster teeth years ago, but so far no connection has been made between the name and anyone else. 

sadly, this account has since been deleted, so no proper analysis of who it is following and who follows it can be done. the username has since been taken and the account replaced with this - take their personal opinion with a grain of salt.)   

MJ:

at 9:21 am, twitter user @mjmills_ posts these tweets containing these screenshots of a recent conversation with ryan. although she declines to share her story right then, she notes that ryan has been taking screenshots of their old conversations, a statement which causes ryan to message her asking “where [she is] on the hate meter” and once again trying to manipulate her. although nothing is forthcoming right away, this will pop up again later.

WEEK 2, DAY 4  (october 14th):

rt’s community manager, jackie izawa, announces her departure from the company. i cant even imagine how much shit she was inundated with after this news broke, but given that she explicitly mentions her mental health being a factor in her decision, im willing to bet it was a lot.

joel heyman also posts this incredibly eyebrow-raising tweet, clearly accusing rt staff of having known full well about ryan’s actions ahead of time. given that he was fired not long ago, it is entirely possible that he is just stirring the pot - but as he is a former rt founder, there may be some truth to his claim. if it IS true, however, then it reflects just as poorly on him, as it means that he ALSO knew about ryan and did nothing.

RYAN’S SOCIAL MEDIA:

sometime in the morning (before 11 am), ryan deletes his twitter account and his instagram. the throwaway account that was used to message michelle is also deleted around the same time, making it highly likely that it did indeed belong to ryan.

interestingly, the account that messaged cas is not deleted until much later (somewhere around 1:30-2 pm), and not before sending some more harassing messages. note the final message which says that “[his] family can’t handle another story coming out.” this strongly implies that there are even more girls than we’ve already seen - and counting every single accusation we know of, not just confirmed ones, we’ve already gotten somewhere between 10-15 girls.  

CAS PT. 2:

after some more messages from the potential ryan account, cas posts this follow-up tweet to clarify some points. she states clearly that she was NOT underage, and lives local to austin, which would explain both her fears about speaking out and how she could have encountered ryan. 

JACK AND MICHAEL:

in the early afternoon, jack and michael go live on youtube to do a stream together - but first, the monumental task of discussing ryan. (OCT. 14 EDIT: the original video was privated almost immediately after its conclusion; here is a reupload. it is sadly missing quite a few moments due to the site crashing periodically, but the majority of their conversation is there.) 

some key bits from the conversation:

- the first minute or so, both jack and michael have difficulty speaking, and stutter/stop short quite a bit before jack finally begins to talk in earnest. jack expresses disgust and regret immediately, apologizing to the community for “letting [them] down,” and thanks people who have been supportive to the victims and rt staff.

- michael point blank states that the achievement hunter staff - and probably more, also - were put into “counseling.” he does not specify whether he means LEGAL counseling or EMOTIONAL counseling, but given the way both he and jack act throughout the video, im all but certain that it’s the latter.

- jack asks that people not bother geoff, as he is “going through his own stuff,” and strongly implies that the situation with ryan has thrown him for a massive loop and possibly sent him into a downward spiral.

- michael states that they will NOT be discussing ryan at all during off-topic, and notes that they no longer want to even mention his name, let alone spend time talking about him at length (and, indeed, they do not address him by name in the video even once - jack mainly refers to him as “that guy” or “that monster,” while michael only refers to ryan as “he” or “him”). i personally am in pretty strong disagreement with the way theyve chosen to approach this, but i can understand the reasoning behind it.

- jack announces the return of rt extra life, and states that they will be doing a full week of 12 hour streams instead of one 24 hour stream “to make up for all the shit that happened this year.” 

- this is a small moment, and COMPLETE conjecture on my part, but i noticed it pretty quickly; at timestamp 14:15, when michael’s child cries off-screen, he slightly turns toward that direction, then seems to suddenly get upset and turns his face away from the camera, so his hair and hat obscure most of his profile. he seems to take a hard swallow, bites his lip (which is quivering), and rubs his face hard before turning back toward the camera. all of these things in conjunction make it seem that he was biting back tears, or otherwise chasing away some bad thought (possibly about ryan’s kids?).  

while i, as always, remain skeptical that no one knew about ryan, i do have to admit that this video is extremely saddening to watch. jack is audibly on the verge of tears for the entire 20-minute video, and michael looks absolutely miserable from beginning to end, as well - his hair is visibly unkempt under his hat, and his face is contorted into a grimace pretty much the whole time, all of which speaks to a sincere depressive state. in any case, rt as a whole has been well and truly fucked by this series of events.

SURVIVORS OF RYAN PT. 1:

earlier in the day, the twitter account @survivorsofryan (run by katie) received these dms from an anonymous account, stating that they were involved with ryan many years ago, around 2004/2005, and that he was still dating his girlfriend (now wife) at that time. they conclude that he has been cheating on her since at least 2004, possibly even earlier than that. note that this anonymous person also fits into ryan’s “preferred” age range of 18 or just over 18, while ryan was in his mid 20s at the time.

RYAN’S MODS 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO:

all of ryan’s mods (katie, bambi, freckles, and more) have their mod powers removed from his youtube and twitch channels. freckles posits an excellent question - why would he remove their mod powers instead of just simply deleting both accounts?

there arent many answers i can think of other than the obvious one - that ryan sincerely plans to return to his online career once this “blows over.” his entitlement is absolutely unthinkable.

ASTRID ROSE:

at 7:01 pm, twitter user @astridrose_20 posts this tweet containing this document, detailing her relationship with ryan. (tw for sexual abuse.) 

summary: their first contact was in late 2018, when astrid was 18. she reached out to him to thank him for his positive content and mentioned her mental health struggle and abusive home life, and ryan responded in a kind way and comforted her. they had a friendly, platonic relationship for a short while, but he soon became suggestive. initially, astrid shut down his advances due to viewing him as a father figure, but was scared that he would sever contact should she not acquiesce. feeling indebted to him for his kindness, astrid rose eventually accepted his advances. 

they sexted for some time until meeting in person in 2019. astrid told ryan she was a virgin and was not on birth control, but ryan assured her he would wear a condom. ryan was, as many girls before have mentioned, very rough and gave her no time to adjust, and removed the condom halfway through sex in spite of astrid telling him she did not want him to. much like the r/roosterteeth anon mentioned, ryan was very rough, and astrid could hardly walk after.

they met up 10 more times after this, and every meeting eventually went this way - astrid could not take pill-form bc due to it making her feel unwell, so every time ryan would promise to wear a condom, and every time he would remove it in the middle of sex. astrid also states that, like the r/roosterteeth anon, ryan did things “similar” to the choking he did to that anon, but astrid did not want to specify any more than this. 

eventually, as a result of her trauma, astrid began binge eating and gained weight. ryan apparently lost interest in her due to this and cut all contact with her, at which point she deleted all their messages and other forms of contact. 

although the story does not have any corroborating evidence, this lines up extremely well with what we have already learned about ryan, and i cant really find myself doubting any bit of it, as it all seems to fit very clearly into the picture. 

KRISTEN M/TATS:

at 8:21 pm, a community member by the name of kristen (nicknamed tats by the community - i will be referring to her as “tats”) posts this tweet containing yet another story about ryan. the story is thankfully not as horrific as some of the others, but is elucidating nonetheless.

brief summary: tats first reached out to ryan in 2013, as she had just founded the blog “fuckyeahrtfanfic” (which is exactly what it sounds like) and wanted to do a q&a with some rt cast members. ryan agreed, and after the q&a she and ryan both kept up contact. tats notes that, while ryan definitely started their relationship off similarly to that of the other girls (being kind and sweet, helping them with emotional problems, sending gifts and other such things, then progressing to sexually suggestive comments and “jokes”), things did not go the same way for her.

simply put, tats did not indulge ryan at all in the sexual stuff very much, and would either brush past it or not notice it. she notes that, after a while - primarily when the other girls, like his twitch mods, came into the picture - their interactions became shorter, more business-like, and much more rare. she concludes by wondering if there was anything she could have done had she been more knowledgeable about what was going on.

while the story is not an allegation in itself, it is indeed telling about ryan’s process, as it shows clearly what happens if the girls he spoke to didnt meet his “standards.” tats does seem grateful to have been spared a much worse fate, but she notes that big parts of her life that were populated by interactions with ryan have now been sullied, and that she feels a tremendous amount of guilt for what little involvement she had in pushing girls toward ryan (as she states that some of the people who’ve come forward were people she knew and unintentionally “placed in harm’s way”). his selfish behavior has had a massive impact that extends far beyond himself and his victims, and it’s horrific to think about.

WEEK 2, DAY 5 (october 15th):

this day was pretty uneventful, overall: only one major breakthrough that i could see.

MJ PT. 2:

at 10:46 am, MJ posts this tweet containing this google doc detailing her relationship with ryan. her story is quite different, as she is currently (as of october 15th) the only girl to have been in ryan’s age range (she was 30 at the time, ryan was 38), and was also married at the time of their relationship.

brief summary: she and ryan began talking around november 2018, and although she was married, both she and her husband were interested in pursuing a polyamorous relationship/open marriage (im not clear on exactly which, as mj uses the term “polyam,” but what she describes sounds closer to an open marriage which allows for no-strings sex outside of the relationship). mj vented to ryan about her anxieties with pursuing this kind of marriage, and ryan talked her through it and vented about his own marital troubles. they began to flirt in earnest.

in december 2018, mj approached ryan about rumors she had heard of other girls, which ryan of course denied. mj found out later that month that there were indeed others. in january 2019, ryan offered to fly her out to austin for a hook-up (using the money from his twitch account, of course). with her husbands approval, mj went in february, and they spent a while together - but when she returned home, ryan immediately ghosted her, and did not talk to her for a few weeks after. mj notes how disgusted and used she felt after the fact, but something still drew her to him, and they continued to have an on-off “relationship” until as recently as this year, where she notes that their conversations slowed basically to a halt. she ends the doc with an apology to everyone who was hurt by ryan. 

at this point, the stories are likely going to be much more of the same, as it’s clear that ryan had a predetermined system for how he’d approach these hook-ups, so i expect many more stories along these lines in the coming days. 

WEEK 2, DAY 6 (october 16th):

@slayercas/ abandons her twitter account due to continual harassment from yet another “pleaseread” account. do note that this is NOT the same account as before, since that one was deleted and then repurposed - this new one is completely barren, with only two (inexplicable) followers and no tweets or content to speak of. i am hesitant to believe that this is truly ryan, as the message really doesnt sound like something he would send at this point in time - however, i dont believe cas has faked this either (after all, why would she abandon the account if she was faking messages from ryan “for attention”?).

my outstanding theory is that someone completely unrelated has made up the account to mess with cas, as we know for sure that at least one person disbelieved cas enough to take the name of the previous account and say so in their description. on top of that, the fact that some of the numbers included are “911″ - making me think 9/11 - and “88401″ - making me think someone tried to slip in a “1488″ reference, but didnt want it to be obvious - have me skeptical that this is a real ryan throwaway. again, this is complete conjecture; please take it with a grain of salt.

SURVIVORS OF RYAN PT. 2:

at 10:25 am, @survivorsofryan posts this tweet containing this document from an anonymous person. (i will refer to them as UK anon, since that is where they are from.)

brief summary: UK anon starts off by saying that, while they did not sleep with ryan themselves, they know someone who has and is going to allow them to speak out for themselves. moving to themselves, they first spoke to ryan in march 2017, and sent him the usual “thank you for your content” message on his snapchat. they were in a discord group for RT, and apparently a few of them decided to send ryan suggestive pictures, which started off a few sexting relationships between them and him. according to UK anon, one of the discord members flew out - on their own dime - to sleep with him, while others had been sexting with him for a long time and were even still doing so recently. 

UK anon did meet ryan at rtx london in 2018, and was even brought on stage and sat next to him by lawrence sonntag (from funhaus) - she states that she’s fairly certain he recognized her, as he made it a point to be very physically close to her and to touch her quite a bit. she notes that, before this, she and many other girls had long since cut contact with him, and he’d promised he would stop the cheating and sexting with fans (which we, of course, know was a complete lie). she ends by saying that they thought they knew the truth about ryan, that he was simply a liar and cheater, but in actuality he was a sexual predator who’d been manipulating girls all along, and that this has floored her and her friends.

ON THE SPOT #80

as with off topic #177, i was going to put this in miscellaneous, but it is actually a huge moment in the context of this story. someone uncovers this moment from on the spot episode 80 (timestamp is 29:40 if the link doesnt work), in which burnie, barbara, jeremy, and ryan are playing “never have i ever,” and jon puts forth the prompt “never have i ever sent nude pics.” ryan takes a big swig, as does jeremy, and jon presses it by asking both of them if the nudes were sent to “someone other than [their wives].” ryan states that hes “not having this conversation” and that he had a life before he was married, to which barbara “jokingly” responds, “and after!”

burnie, however, looks a bit perturbed and says, “you had a life before your wife before camera phones?” to which ryan responds, “email existed back then, and camera phones.” that seems to cover it, you would think, EXCEPT that ryan is telling an out and out lie.

firstly, as we clearly know, he was sexting many more people than his wife, and quite recently. it was stupid of him to not just lie and say no, honestly, but i think weve come to realize ryan is not that bright. secondly, while ryan got married in 2007, he was dating his wife for a few years before that, as this anonymous contributor confirmed days ago - he was already dating his wife in 2004, when he had an affair with the anon. 

third, he is correct that camera phones and email existed back then - however, the average phone at that time did NOT have a camera, and the ones that did capped at 1.3 megapixels, which tended to look something like this. (forgive the random picture; its all i could find to show what i meant.) note how grainy and small the image is, and also take into consideration that this would have been the camera on a top-of-the-line phone in 2004, NOT the sort of phone the average person would have owned. this is assuming 2004 is the latest year he could have sent such pictures to someone without being in a relationship with his wife; camera phones were almost unheard of pre-2003, so his story completely falls apart there. 

he does have a point about the email aspect, but if we are sincerely considering that he may not be lying here, this would mean that he was finding people online to send nudes to (in a VERY pre-social media world; this wouldve been on like, bbs sites, or miscellaneous blogs/homepages, so it wouldve required some serious searching), taking nudes on a digital camera, manually uploading all the pictures to his computer, sorting out the nudes of choice, and then sending them. i dont think i need to go much further into this to show how quickly the basic concept of this falls apart.

WEEK 2, DAY 7 (october 17th):

not much to say in terms of ryan/his victims so far today, but i think this is relevant, so im going to include it - we instead get a surprise tweet from trevor collins, who was previously accused of cheating on and abusing his ex gf, which contains this statement basically refuting the claims entirely with many screenshots. 

i know absolutely nothing about the original trevor accusation, as i was no longer watching rt when trevor joined the crew and had long since lost interest in rt by the time the accusations began going around, so i cannot speak to the veracity of anything said in here, or of the original accusation. i will decline to state my personal opinion on the document, and instead just link it for you all to peruse. 

CAS PT. 2:

at 7:48 pm, @slayercas/ (OCT. 21 EDIT: the account name is now @otpineedyou) posts this tweet containing a document, describing their own story with ryan. 

brief summary: cas informs us out the gate that she was NOT underage, but rather in her late 20s during all this. she reached out to him to thank him for his content, to which ryan responded in a flirtatious way. things quickly escalated to full on sexting from there. when ryan asked if cas wanted to meet in person, she initially declined, but continued talking to him sexually after he confessed to having an open marriage (and cas notes that he did not say this until after she stated that she was in an open relationship herself). cas shared a story regarding a sexual trauma she had with ryan, which he seemed to empathize with.

once they began talking about dom/sub stuff, ryan got more aggressive in tone, and often brought up things like extreme roughness and choking. if cas asked ryan to stop bringing up things that were traumatic, he would apologize but continue to do so anyway. cas became uncomfortable and decided to forgo all sexual conversations with ryan; if he brought up something suggestive, she would either make an excuse to go or change the subject. he tried to guilt trip her into talking to him, but she did not budge, and eventually had to delete all rt-related accounts to put distance between him and herself. she closes with a message of positivity for others in the same situation.

ANON-2:

around 10 pm, this post is made on r/roosterteeth containing this document. although it is also about ryan, a sizable portion of the doc focuses on the anon’s experience with geoff. (i will be calling them anon-2 just for the sake of intelligiblity. i cant link pictures, so please check the doc for those.) 

brief summary: anon-2 was in their early-mid 20s (in mid 2016) when they discovered rt, and decided to send a snap to all of the cast members who had open snap accounts. ryan replied and, although things started out normal, they quickly became suggestive. at the same time, though, geoff also began talking to anon-2 and things also became flirty with them. they did exchange nudes and sext quite often while geoff was still married, but says they never slept with geoff themselves, although they knew others who did.  

anon-2 ended up hooking up with ryan in person, and as with the other girls, he lied about not sleeping with anyone else, and insisted on not using a condom. they had sex multiple times that weekend, and anon-2 confirms that, like the other girls claimed, ryan was incredibly rough and violent with sex. anon-2 then proceeds to share many screenshots and unseen pictures of ryan, and in addition, provides messages from as recently as october 10th, where she goads him into talking about what all happened. ryan confirms he has spoken to a pr agent and a lawyer, and then makes a very weird non-joke about possibly needing an “anchor marriage” to get out of the country, implying he would ask anon-2 to do this for him. anon-2 finishes the main part of the doc by saying she knows ryan has been seeking out sex from craigslist, and that she was just a part of his grand manipulation scheme all along.

WEEK 3, DAY 1 (october 18th):

barely after midnight, we get yet another r/roosterteeth anon, posting a document detailing their relationship with ryan. much like the others, we can see that ryan followed the same pattern of flattery and kindness, getting them to talk about their mental health issues, goading them into doing things they were not comfortable with, and eventually dropping them when he realized he could not manipulate them like the others. not much else to say about it, but i wanted to catalogue it all the same.

ANON-2 PT. 2:

an update is added to anon-2′s google doc, at the end of page 13, addressing the geoff side of their post. they post candids of geoff in a hotel room, sent to them by a friend who’d slept with geoff. they add a third update later the same day, insisting that, like the girls, geoff had no clue that ryan was a sexual predator. anon-2 goes on to add that geoff never mentioned anything about his wife knowing about his sleeping around, but states that they will not be sharing more information unless given permission to do so from the girls affected. lastly, she begs people to stop hassling millie, geoff’s underage daughter. 

GEOFF’S STATEMENT:

not long after anon-2′s update, geoff releases this statement on r/roosterteeth. he basically lays everything out, saying that he did indeed sext with and have sex with some fans during a period in his marriage where they were trying an open relationship, but that he felt uncomfortable with the imbalance due to the fans knowing so much about him and he so little about them. he goes onto say that he has taken a step back from rt due to extreme stress and mental health issues, and that he has not spoken about the ryan situation due to how overwhelming and upsetting it is. he closes by asking that people not drag his daughter and ex-wife into things, and leave all blame for him.

i am extremely mixed on this; on the one hand, geoff is an extremely skilled writer and speaker, and that is very clear in this document. he makes a point to share - almost to the point of oversharing - the situation between him and his then-wife to explain why he was associating with fans, and then moves past that to discuss his tumultuous personal life. however, he does not address the question of any age differences between him and these fans, and just refers to it as “two consenting adults ... getting to know each other.” 

although this all seems well and good, one huge spanner was thrown into geoff’s story here; this tweet from michelle vologs, which states that ryan explicitly told her that geoff was engaging sexually with fans, and possibly knew some of ryan’s stories himself. notice that the anonymous replier, who is concurring with what michelle said, is the same anonymous twitter account who contacted ryan and adam on september 18th about their nudes leak - several WEEKS before the news dropped publicly. 

although originally i was willing to believe what geoff had to say, as there was little conflicting evidence, michelle’s statement gives me extreme pause. if geoff was sleeping with enough fans that ryan knew about it, the chances of ryan not having mentioned his own experiences is very low - and on top of that, ryan has little to no reason to lie about this, as telling the truth would have actually been detrimental to his career, on the off-chance someone blabbed and it made its way back to geoff. so i am highly skeptical of the whole document.

WEEKS 3-11 (october 19th to january 2nd):

complete radio silence from ryan and adam both for a little under three months. as ryan was stated to have hired a pr agent and/or a lawyer amidst the initial scandal, its pretty easy to surmise that he was advised to just shut up and let things die down, and therefore did so. adam had gone quiet for a much longer time, so it was assumed he would not speak out again. however, people still felt that ryan was likely to try and make a comeback eventually. and, well...

WEEK 11, DAY 1 (january 3rd):

freckles, one of ryans former mods, posts this tweet containing this statement from ryan to his remaining subscribers, thanking them for sticking around and vaguely addressing “what a tough year its been” for him. unsurprisingly, this is met with IMMEDIATE retribution, as the message served as a reminder that a) many people forgot to unsubscribe and unfollow in the initial situation, and b) that ryan was still getting paid by twitch the entire time he was being ousted. this, of course, led to calls for ryan to be banned from twitch completely, given that it was his main vehicle for finding and grooming his victims.

it is unknown why he decided to do this, as it is transparently very stupid, but i think the entire series of events has made it quite clear that ryan is not only unintelligent, but EXTREMELY entitled - ryan couldnt last even a week into the new year before trying to lay the groundwork to return to his career, whereas adam managed to go quiet much earlier and remain that way for a much longer time, to let things cool off more significantly.

WEEK 11, DAY 6 (january 8th):

early in the morning, the owner of kiwifarms, null, posts a thread stating that adam kovic has reached out demanding the removal of his and jess kovic’s nude photos and videos. (reminder that i will not be linking to any threads on kf directly - you will have to seek those out for yourself.) 

recall that, in the initial days of the scandal, the vast majority of the attention was on adam instead of ryan - and that was because of the sheer magnitude of his leaked photos, as well as the question of his wifes consent to their distribution (as most of the pictures/videos of her were taken from behind; with the benefit of hindsight, we can say fairly safely that she probably did not consent to the distribution, and possibly not their being taken either). 

im not exactly sure on the legality of the situation, as null did not leak the photos himself but is allowing them to be hosted on his website, and adam himself would likely be found guilty of revenge porn due to him having been the one to send pictures of his wife without her permission in the first place. as for the pictures of adam himself, i would assume that null is somehow protected from prosecution or else i believe he would have already taken them down. the morality of leaving them up is EXTREMELY questionable, and i would say it probably is tipping over the line into morally wrong, but morality holds very little sway legally and so adam may not actually have any recourse here.

WEEK 13, DAY 4 (january 20th)

in the afternoon, its confirmed by twitter account @streamerbans that ryan haywood has been permabanned from twitch, and has lost his partnership with the website as well. this is obviously SUPER fucking late, as the crux of the scandal happened months ago (in october), but better late than never, i suppose.

his ban seems to be a natural consequence of two things: the obvious catalyst is his VERY bold message to his subscriber, but beyond that, twitch has also updated their rules and codes of conduct to address their handling of sexual harassment on their platform, from fans and streamers alike, and ryans actions fall very clearly over the line of acceptability. while its unknown whether ryans actions have anything to do with the drafting of some of the new rules - the rule against “attempting to coerce others into sexual favors via bribes” specifically seems VERY pointed at him - it is likely that twitch was already drafting these rules before the situation occurred, and ryans doings simply expedited their being put into effect.

in any case, the only sad part of this is how long it took; ryan was getting free money off of his fans who hadnt or couldnt unsubscribe for three months before this ban and the loss of his partnership were put into effect, which is very upsetting, but there isnt much that can be done about it now.

(JAN 30 EDIT: as you can tell, the situation has severely petered out from where it began; originally there were new updates and more information on a daily, almost hourly basis, and so it was necessary to break the story up day by day to get everything. since that is no longer the case, i will not be filling in any gaps between time periods; if something else happens two weeks from now, i will not try to fill in the two week silence, and will just skip to the next big event. apologies if this makes timelines confusing, but ive added weeks AND days to each event to make them easier to follow, so hopefully that helps.

any further updates to this post will go here, to keep the timeline together. everything below this line is optional reading, but i do highly recommend it, as it provides a lot of background context.)

-----

MISCELLANEOUS INFO

this is just a section for anything i think is contextually relevant that doesnt really fit anywhere else, or stuff that is not confirmed but highly suspicious. most of this will provide elucidating background for everything that went down, but none of it is necessary to read. 

LOOKING BACK AT RYAN’S CONTENT:

because of how blindsiding these events have been, people began questioning if there were any tells that we as viewers missed over the years, and began going through old videos and other content to find anything of interest. ill link any relevant videos here with a brief summary of why theyre noteworthy:

- this video features ryan encouraging fans to do “whatever [they] need to get [themselves] to finish” (in reference to masturbating), and when trevor states that “there are laws that constrain us,” ryan says that “as long as you do it [in your head], it’s fine.” here he is clearly justifying his own actions to himself.

- this clip of ryan singing “black or white” by michael jackson, but he changes the lyrics to, “thing about my baby, it dont matter if youre black or white - or 12, or 9, or 8.” yeah.... i dont really need to say much else about that i dont think

- this post about ryan’s cover letter from his initial application to rt. the comment about “that sexy, deep voice that ladies love” wouldve been gross even without context, but with it, it appears that playing casanova with fans may have been his intent from the beginning.

- another video in which ryan “misses his flight because of uber.” he states that he missed his flight because the uber driver who was supposed to arrive didnt want to come and asked him to cancel the drive, forcing him to wait for another driver to be available. while they dont say explicitly, i am fairly certain hes talking about returning from pax west in seattle, which took place in early september - around the time that many of these stories (like tessa’s and michelle’s) take place. more likely than not, he fully lied about this story and was actually late because he was hooking up with a fan.

WHY 2017?:

if you’re paying attention to dates, you may notice that almost all of these events transpired - or began - in 2017. there are a few theories as to why, but ultimately i think the answer is quite simple; 2017 is when ryan made an instagram account, and is likely when he had the most direct access to fans. as was noted, he has had twitter for years and his snapchat was created probably a year or two before, and yet there are little to no stories taking place before 2017. most likely, his making an instagram account saw an influx of messages from fans, primarily teenage girls - a huge demographic on insta - and gave him a platform to begin the grooming process without anyone suspecting him.

CONJECTURE PT. 1: THE MEGGENING:

people began to speculate if ryan and meg are/were having an affair, as they spent quite a bit of time together for work, went on a trip to japan alone together, and have been the center of many a “joke” regarding their relationship, to the point of it sincerely bothering gavin (meg’s boyfriend). there are several clips of the achievement hunter guys making jokes about ryan and meg sleeping together behind gavin’s back, but heres one clip of them doing so with gavin in the room. notice his genuinely uncomfortable reaction.

initially i was ready to write this off as “women evil” conjecture, but honestly after looking into it a bit, i can sincerely see what people are talking about. as i said earlier, i find meg’s statement incredibly suspicious - the fact that she explicitly denies any knowledge of ryan’s doings even though that SHOULD go without saying, and that her message doesnt actually say anything negative about ryan or what he did at all, makes me feel extremely wary of her. 

OCT. 12 EDIT: either yesterday or the day before, meg privated most of the highlights from her japan trip with ryan, but a few of them were luckily archived. here they are, if you’re curious: japan #1, japan #2, japan #3.

CONJECTURE PT. 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO:

in early february, its discovered that ryan haywoods home is up for sale, and has been for quite a while. (i will not be linking the listing for obvious reasons.) the house had been on the market for 63 days at that time, placing its initial listing date in very early december - that would only be two months after the initial story broke. on top of that, with the inclusion of the amount of time it takes to find a realtor and begin the selling process, the selling of the house was likely initiated in mid-to-late november, if not sooner.

there are multiple potential explanations for the selling of the house, of course - its possible they could no longer afford the upkeep due to ryan losing his highly lucrative job, or its possible that they moved to escape harassment from others. i find both of these fairly implausible for different reasons: the former because ryans wife also has a fairly high-paying job, and unless ryan is a complete dumbass, they certainly have enough money saved up to remain in that house if they wanted to. in addition, i find the latter implausible because its highly unlikely anyone was going to their house directly, as i think ryan would definitely have played the victim publicly over something like that.

the most obvious answer to me, given how quickly the house was put up for sale, is that the two have begun divorce proceedings and thus sold the house. finances as a motivator make no sense to me due to the speed with which the house was put up - its highly unlikely they blew through all of their savings in a month - and if they were staying together as a couple, it wouldnt make sense to vacate their home for no reason. of course, this is complete conjecture (thus the header LMAO), but it is interesting to note as it comes into direct contradiction with ryans claims of going to couples therapy with his wife.

RYAN’S TACTICS:

due to the number of accusations against ryan now, a pretty clear picture is painted of him and how he operates. a few things become clear when you put all of this information together. lets break it down bit by bit.

first: the girls. as i mentioned before, michelle notes in her video that ryan seemed to target young girls who were either insecure about themselves/their bodies, or had mental health issues. that pattern does seem to hold up, as all seven of the major accusers (tessa, michelle, leigh, kayla, katie, anon, and megashiny) openly discuss dealing with one or both of these issues in their respective stories. it’s almost undeniable that ryan pursued these types of girls on purpose in order to manipulate them more easily, as well as to have plausible deniability when confronted about them - a phrase which multiple girls have used in reference to him.

second: the method. ryan seems to have consistently used the exact same method of manipulating each of the girls. it goes pretty much like this:

- in early conversations, he is sweet and invested in the girl. once they are a bit more comfortable, he begins to “flirt,” making sexual comments and “jokes” to slowly but surely convince them to sext and exchange nudes with him.

- at the same time, he is sure to tell everyone he knows (mods and the like) about how “crazy” his girl of the week is, guaranteeing that she will not be believed should she try to tell someone what is going on between them

- once the conversations turn sexual, his demeanor changes completely, and he starts to become distant. conversations with him become infrequent to make the girl feel miserable when he is away and over the moon when he decides to talk to her, thus maintaining the constant star-struck feeling and ensuring that she is always just a bit more eager to do what he asks in order to keep him around

- he makes sure to litter conversations with comments about how much he loves his wife and kids, thus ensuring that the girl feels too guilty to let anyone know whats going on at the risk of damaging his relationship with his family

- once he has the girls backed into this corner, he begins reaching out only to talk about sex and to schedule in-person hook ups, and will not talk to the girls otherwise. this goes on over and over until he gets bored or the girl cuts contact with him.

he is consistent with this “defaming, denial, degrading” method, as we can see every single girl make reference to him treating them in the same way. from this, we can conclude one thing - he has a system. he has done this before, and he knows it works. even the girl with the most different experience, katie, was clearly being groomed and sexually coerced with the promise of payment, but when she did not budge ryan switched over to straight up financial manipulation, forcing her to take the money - and therefore making her financially beholden to him - and threatening her with cut contact should she not accept.

ryan also tried to isolate katie from her best friend, kayla, in an effort to prevent her from noticing that he was manipulating and grooming kayla for sex as well, and given that kayla was bullied so thoroughly in HIS community that he was one of the only people she felt safe around, it’s no wonder why he refused to deal with the situation when trick brought it up to him. these are straight up abuser tactics, and while i hesitate to throw that word around, it is clear that ryan is a dangerous, emotionally manipulative sexual predator, who specifically targeted young girls with little to no experience with sex and relationships. he is disgusting, and cruel, and i pray that he experiences the pain he inflicted on these girls ten times over.

[masterjedilenawrites]

The Sniper and The Medic: Chapter 10

Starring: Crosshair, OC Joan Vo

Chapter Warnings: Discussions of bullying, death, injuries, and other tragic things, offset by a lil fluff at the end

Taglist: @proadhog @skippyhopperwisdom

AO3 Link (In case you like it better over there, it’s okay, no judgement)

A/N: Just want to quickly apologize for the 2 week delay in updating this story, but also this will be my 99th post on this blog which is kinda fitting once you read it, so I guess some things are just meant to be...

< Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter >

Chapter 10: Good Grief

He met her at the designated place that evening, barely able to contain the mixture of excitement and dread that welled within him. On the one hand, Crosshair welcomed any opportunity to spend time with Joan, especially after she had shown interest in wanting to grow closer to him. She looked as beautiful as ever when she joined him, wearing her cute little shorts and signature smile.

But on the other hand, they were running out of time. He deployed tomorrow afternoon. How could they possibly grow closer in such a short window?

And how could he possibly say good-bye if they did? 

He led her through the set of double doors and down a long hallway, keeping his strides as relaxed as he could, despite his every nerve being on edge. She walked fairly close alongside him, but nothing too scandalous. Not that it was likely they'd be caught. This part of the facility was more-or-less abandoned, only used to house the more rarely-used supplies for the maintenance crew. Half the walls were stripped of their usual white sheen, revealing cracked plaster and dirty insulation instead. Only a few like himself knew it was a good place to go when in need of some privacy.

But there was also something here he wanted to show Joan. A way to help her understand his life as a defective clone. He wasn't sure why the idea had popped into his head earlier; he should have just suggested the simulation room again, programmed it to a nice, romantic beach or something. But it was too late to go back now.

They neared the door in question and Crosshair punched in the code. He gestured for Joan to walk in ahead of him, wanting to keep an eye on her reactions.

It was barely considered a room, more of a corridor that was meant to connect this hallway with another. A motion-sensor light flickered on as they entered. Miscellaneous boxes and crates had been pushed up against the wall on the left, dusty and unimportant. It was the righthand wall that gave this space significance. It had long been reduced to its concrete foundation, and chiseled crudely over most of its surface were names and numbers. The largest script was in the top left corner, only two symbols.

"Ninety-nine," Joan read out loud as she stood in the center of the room and looked over the wall in reverence. "This is a memorial."

Crosshair nodded. "All the clones who've died here, never stepping foot into battle. Most of them defects, like 99. Their names won't be found anywhere else. This... is their only legacy."

She nodded at him solemnly in understanding. He watched as she brushed her hands over some of the etchings, fingers tracing the lines as she read them over. There were mostly numbers, many of them not having lived long enough to find a nickname. One of his own batch-mates had been like that, only living a few short years before his defective heart had given out. 

Crosshair tore his gaze away from Joan to find his brother's number on the wall. Beneath it was the second lost brother, who had made it just a little longer. Scraps, they'd called him. He brought his hand up to rest alongside their names, frowning deeply at the memories they gave him.

He felt Joan come to stand next to him and he swallowed hard.

"He was sick all the time, but he kept trying," he explained. "He was worse off than me, and yet I was the kid who cried every night, and he'd talk me down. He'd tell me we had to keep fighting, we had to prove them all wrong. And then one day... he was gone. He'd failed some test and they just... they took him and...."

He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence. Thankfully Joan didn't need him to. She laced her fingers through his and squeezed reassuringly.

"They told me I'd be next," he said, his voice getting lower. "The Kaminoans. The training Sergeants. The other cadets. With Wrecker, Hunter, it was obvious they'd be useful, their mutations were fine. But me? What was I good for? Who could look at me and know what I was capable of?"

His words hung between them for a short while before Joan gave another squeeze of his hand.

"I'm so sorry, Crosshair," she said and he knew she meant it. "You deserved better. They all did. But... I know this might not sound quite right, but without that pain, you might not have become as determined and passionate and committed and loyal as you are now."

He finally looked away from the wall and down at her, surprised that she remembered the words he'd once written for her, all those months ago. The words he believed embodied who he really was.

"You didn't let your past break you. You used it to make you stronger. You should be proud of that."

He had never been told such a thing before. He'd never been given permission to feel proud, to take ownership of his life. It made him feel... relieved. To know that all of his struggles could mean something made the burden of grief that much lighter to bear.

And to hear it coming from Joan made him feel things, too. He realized he wanted to kiss her. She was standing somewhat close, her fingers were still grasping his own. She seemed to be enough at ease, comfortable here with him, even in such a sad moment. But he panicked and looked away before he could act on such impulses. He still didn't know what she wanted, or any of the things she'd alluded to having gone through herself. It didn't feel right to make to such an intimate move yet.

"Um, we can talk about you now," he stuttered awkwardly, overly aware of how clammy his hand felt under hers. "If you want...."

She laughed a little, but it wasn't a joyful sound. "I'm afraid my story's not any happier."

"Oh."

She cocked her head a little and reached up with her free hand to lightly touch the tattoo around his eye. "Didn't get a chance to tell you before, but I really like this. It's perfect."

He smirked but kept his eyes carefully fixed on hers, waiting. She seemed to be deciding what she wanted to say.

"Not sure if you've seen my own." She tried to sound playful, letting go of his hand in order to turn slightly and show off the splattering of tattooed birds around the thick scar on her thigh. "It's... kind of a memorial, too."

Joan looked toward the wall and took in a measured breath. "When the war started, my family did what we could to help. But then comes the Republic with its grand, shiny new army, and they tell us they've got it from here. Go home. My parents listened... I didn't. I couldn't. No, I marched up to the first battalion I could find and I told them I'd be helping them whether they liked it or not. They were the 116th, led by Commander Crowe."

She held a small smile on her face, fondness peeking through the sorrow like rays of sunlight into a curtained room.

"Your brothers," said Crosshair knowingly.

"Mmhmm.... They were so good to me. They taught me everything I know. We went through so much together. And then one day..." she looked over at Crosshair apologetically as she borrowed his previous words to tell her own story, "my speeder exploded, messed up my leg really bad. I did everything I could to try and fix it myself, but we were short on supplies and it just wasn't getting any better. Crowe insisted I go to Coruscant for treatment. I didn't want to, I hadn't been apart from them in years, but there was no choice."

And then the curtains were snapped shut and all that was left on Joan's face was sorrow. Sorrow and darkness.

"They died while I was recovering. All of them. A single missile to their ship somewhere in deep space. And that was it. No more 116th battalion. No more family."

Instinctually, Crosshair reached for Joan's hand as she had done for him. She seemed surprised, breaking out of her haze and looking at his hand like it was the only thing grounding her.

"I should have died with them," she said in a hoarse voice. "At least, that's what I told myself for seven months. Until Cody came. He'd been good friends with Crowe, knew all about me. He told me to get over myself. That I was still alive for a reason and that I did nothing to honor their memories by letting myself waste away. And then he offered me a job, said I could help some of his other brothers, the way I'd done for the 116th."

Slowly her sadness was fading and Crosshair was grateful. It was easier to hold on to his own pain and learn to live with it, but seeing the same feelings in Joan had scared him. He didn't know what to do to help her. As she wrapped up her story, though, he began to realize that he already had.

"He said it was an experimental unit and that none of you would look like, well, the regular clones, so maybe it'd be easier for me to get back into it. And it was. I knew I loved all of you boys from the first day. You were all confident and eager. None of the battle-worn spirits I was used to dealing with. You gave me life again. Helped me rediscover my purpose. My passion."

She took a step closer to him, holding his hand back firmly.

"You were the tough one," she smirked. "You're so calm and relaxed, so sure of yourself. Any time I felt anxious or like I wasn't making a difference, I knew I could count on you to put me at ease. Even when you were a little sassy."

She giggled, but Crosshair's mind was reeling. She thought he was the assured one? This whole time she'd been seeing him the same way he saw her?

"And then, you know, you stood me up that one day," she sighed dramatically and then it was his stomach that started doing flips as the regret from his actions returned. "Which happened to be the, uh, anniversary of their passing.... And I didn't think I'd be able to do anything that day, except that I knew you'd be coming by, and so I actually got out of bed and did some chores and saw other patients.... And I was trying to think of ways I could keep you for longer than just a consult on your injury. I was going to have you teach me darts and maybe help me sneak some good snacks from somewhere or ask to get a tour of your new ship...."

She was looking up at him with bright eyes and the thought of kissing her returned. She was definitely close enough now, and as he made eye contact, she couldn't seem to remember what she was going to say next, her voice trailing off into short little breaths.

"I really am sorry," he said, stalling for time. He wasn't sure why he kept hesitating when it was something he wanted so desperately. So much for her thinking he was confident.

"I know," she said softly. Was she leaning closer or was he?

"I... I'm leaving tomorrow," he said.

"I know." Both of their hands were clasped in each other's now, pulses beating rapidly beneath hopeful grips.

"And," he kept going, even though the space between them was continuing to grow smaller, "I've never done this before."

"I know." She grinned, and that undid him.

Whatever self-conscious walls he'd put up for whatever irrational reasons came crumbling down as he finally closed the gap and pressed his lips against hers.

[baconpal]

pokemon rant time

this one’s about the 2 new things, and is at least slightly intended for people actually excited/interested in them, click keep reading or perish

Gonna try and keep stuff short cus there's a lot of topics this time and I've already gone off about how pokemon Isn't meant for me or meant to be a good video game anymore, but gamefreak is right back on their bullshit, so I feel I need to at least point it out.

I'd like to preface all this with, if you are a fan of pokemon still, please realize you can ask for more out of this series. Expect perfection, even if you don't think you'll get it anytime soon. Pokemon won't go anywhere, the old games won't go anywhere, and gaming is a hobby, not a necessity; don't accept low quality products from a company just because you feel like you're supposed to.

With this next wave of pokemon games, gamefreak is clearly testing how little they can put in to a $60 game while still keeping the 2 major audiences they've cultivated. By responding to the most obvious and vocal complaints from the community, gamefreak is aiming to make games that seems like what most players want, without having to put in the work on quality products.

GEN 4 REMAKES Pokemon BS (I am not calling this shit BDSP) is intended for the audience that put up with let's go and RS remakes. The most vocal and obvious complaints for these games is their failure as definitive versions of the games they are remakes of, such as missing features/content, or drastically changed story/dialogue/style. In a way, the recent remakes are inferior versions of incredibly old games, which shows a lack of improvement in pokemon as a whole.

To address these issues, BS is very, very, VERY clearly aiming for a more 1-to-1 recreation of the DS games, but with fully 3d graphics. Clearly the map layout has been transferred exactly, and gen 4 already had mostly 3d environments to begin with, and everyone knows about the future-proof pokemon models at this point, so the amount of effort required to create something like this is absolutely minimal. Assuming dialogue, trainer teams, move lists, etc. are also lifted directly from DP, then this game could be developed in basically no time at all, leaving the team time to ensure the product is of decent quality and includes ALL of the content of the originals, if not more, like the earlier pokemon remakes did to ensure they were truly definitive versions of the games. That being said, it is unlikely the team behind BS has been making use of this saved time to improve the game.

One failing already clear is that the quality is not very good, at least graphical quality. The footage we have shows environments lacking in color compared to the original, with messy, unpleasant textures that contrast poorly with the simplistic environments. The characters especially do not work. As cute and fun the fanart of tiny dawn has been, BS dawn and all other characters look awful. They have gorilla arms that reach down to the floor and lifeless faces, as well as incredibly stiff/simplistic animations. As it stands, BS is a visually inferior game to DP, though most consumers will simply see it as 3D>2D without any understanding of what an artstyle is, so this might not be a problem for many, but that doesn't mean you should accept it.

What remains to be seen is what content will be added/missing from pokemon BS. It is very possible that massive parts of the game, such as the underground, variety of online modes, postgame areas, and content from platinum could be missing entirely. We also do not know if pokemon from after gen 4 will be worked into the region, or even supported. Gen 8 still currently does not support a large number of pokemon, and the remakes may continue this limited dex trend.

Even assuming the remake includes everything from the DS games and doesn't add anything that slows down the story or harms the experience, it will still only be an exercise in forced obsolescence. The main reason people can't really play DP still is that the online isn't supported anymore. If BS turns out to be exactly the same as DP, then you're buying the same game for at a higher price, only to play it until the online service goes away again, or the next game comes out, if both don't happen at the same time.

Don't let yourself buy a 13 year old game at twice the original price.

GEN 4 NOT-REMAKE KIND OF NEW THING On to legends now, gamefreak is targeting the people who put up with sun/moon and sword/shield. The obvious problem with those games to most people was simply a lack of change from the standard pokemon formula. Even when changing the gyms to trials or stadiums, most people still understand that the format and story structures are mostly unchanged. Of course, this problem has seemingly been addressed by changing the game structure a fair bit, but almost entirely by removal.

Trainer battles, and by extension, gyms and tournaments/elite 4 have been confirmed to be absent, meaning all battles are only vs single pokemon, in spite of the player likely having a team of 6 pokemon. Even if battle difficulty is increased to compensate (doubtful), this will still drastically increase the simplicity of combat and make it even less likely for the game to include any meaningful challenge. Exploring towns and meeting NPCs is also seemingly missing, as the game is confirmed to have only a single village, which frankly looks incredibly boring and we've yet to see a single NPC inhabiting the village.

Battles now use an ATB format instead of a turn-based format (for those of you who don't know what that means, it basically means nothing, it's still turn based, it just means the speed state determines who gets more turns instead of who goes first, that's it), but beyond that there seems to be no noteworthy changes, pokemon learn 4 moves with limited PP, type advantage will still definitely be the most important aspect to battle, and the player being able to walk around during battle provides no meaningful impact. While the little dash the pokemon do to approach each other is cool, it is already a sign that gamefreak will not be addressing the issue of lacking animations for pokemon battles, as they can't even be assed to animate and program pokemon walking around the environment during combat, and lucario doing 1 kick for a move described as a series of punches isn't a great sign either.

On the topic of lacking animations, the new "pet simulator feature" for legends seems to be an advancement on the ride system from sun/moon, which presumably people missed from sword/shield. Being able to ride on your pokemon to do stuff sounds cool, but in all likelihood, this system will be limited to only a select few pokemon who will each do a select few actions, and is not a reasonable replacement for all the other pet raising features that have been removed in the past. Similar to BS, the total number of pokemon included may also be limited arbitrarily, in spite of the fact that no new pokemon need to be added, as these games are not claiming to be a new generation.

The largest issues I personally have with this new game is the horrible technical quality and gameplay quality shown in the initial trailer. Unfortunately, these types of problems seem to be difficult to explain to the average consumer, even though the issues seem incredibly obvious and inexcusable to people like me.  Most people were able to understand the problem with the berry trees in gen 8, because it was easy to explain, "this tree doesn't look like the other trees, and it sticks out, isn't that weird?", and so gamefreak has eliminated any immediately obvious issues like that, sticking with a very consistent artstyle for legends, making it almost impossible to easily explain its faults to the average pokemon fan.

People have been really quick to compare legends to BoTW; the game that invented grass, trees, and mountains. In spite of these comparisons, nobody seems to point out that legends looks dramatically worse than that almost 5 year old game from the previous generation. Plants are stiff and lacking in energy, draw distances are poor, colors are drab, and textures are messy. Many parts of legends seems to ape BoTW on just the surface, essentially just following market trends. Even the controls seem to follow after modern 3rd person shooters/stealth games, including a seemingly pointless roll and a clunky looking ball lobbing arc that feels unfun before even getting to play it myself.

The largest issue, painfully obvious to some, and impossible to explain to others, is the framerate. The trailer clearly was ran on actual switch hardware, and not prerendered, which would be a good mark for gamefreak if it didn't result in a trailer that never once hit 30fps. Even with empty fields, with only 1 or 2 characters on screen, the game was incapable of meeting the target speed, and had to resort to optimizations like reducing the frame rate of pokemon only inches away from the player to stop-motion levels of choppy. If situations with almost nothing going on result in slow-down, how will the game perform during actual gameplay? Even though slow-down is something everyone can feel, many people aren't capable of identifying it.

The major things to wait and see for legends is if the removed aspects of the series are made up for by some additional systems or content, and definitely wait to see if the performance improves. As with BS, preordering a game like this only shows that gamefreak only has to market the game by saying it's different, not improved, like they've been doing for years now.

TL;DR FUCK GAMEFREAK One major thing of note is that gamefreak is releasing 2 games based on gen 4 at the nearly the same time, meaning they have no obligation to design new pokemon or even include pokemon not from sinnoh, and also that the sales of each game can be used as an indicator for which of their 2 audiences is more loyal to them. Both BS and Legends are in a position to be pushes aside if they fail, but if either succeeds, gamefreak can continue in the direction of the more successful game and reap the benefits, without any need to innovate, improve, or adapt to criticism.

The last thing I feel I have to remind people about is that gamefreak is a company; you don't need to be "grateful" to them. I've seen that word thrown around far too much by people who seem to buy pokemon games like its a tax, and not something they want to do. You don't have to suck up to a company that made games you liked as a kid if the games aren't what you want anymore. Pokemon is so wildly successful that it can't possible die, so don't buy the games out of pity, or out of some feeling of obligation. Buy the video games you want to play and nothing more.

Basically, if you are considering getting any of these new games, please wait until the games are out before purchasing them, and decide for yourself if they are worth your money, and more importantly, your time. Preordering these games only lets gamefreak know their audience will buy and put up with anything. They have no real competition at the moment, so the only thing the audience can do to encourage improvement is show some of restraint.

[pynkhues]

Would love number 20 “in a moment of worry” for Brio touch prompts... thank you!

Ah! Such a fun one, anon (and sorry for the delay).

This is a post-s3 baby!

-

“Can you just - - hold still.”

“I am,” Beth bites, her gaze flicking sideways to where Annie’s fumbling with the alcohol swabs, the first aid kit cracked open between them leaving the faint, alkaline smell of chemicals to soak the air. Not that Beth can smell it that well over the metallic tang of blood, but she can see it on the twist of Ruby’s face where she sits on her scooter. Recognises it from long evenings at the hospital with Sara, when the smell of the space – somehow both pungent and sterile – sucked all the air out of the room.

“You’re holding about as still as Jane when she has to pee,” Annie replies, finally tearing open the plastic wrapping with her teeth and gagging when the taste of the swab hits her tongue, and good, Beth thinks, sniffing. It’s not like it’s her fault that they’re in this situation.  

“I can’t believe you went there alone.”

And okay, Beth thinks, a seed of guilt planting as her gaze snaps back to Ruby. Maybe it’s not not her fault.

With Ruby on her scooter, Beth and Annie have most of the (still) empty floor of Beth’s living room to themselves. The scattered pieces of furniture she’s been able to claim the place with limited to a tiny, frayed-from-cat-claws sofa that Annie had gotten in exchange for covering a co-worker’s shift, and Judith’s antique ottoman – the latter of which is shoved into the corner of the living room, home now to a bag of cash with a bullet hole in it and Danny’s solar system diorama for science class.

The pinch of the hour makes itself known in the lag of Beth’s head, and god, it’s gotta be past midnight at this point. The thought leaves the guilt sprouting as she takes in Ruby’s tired, worried face, and Annie’s pressed focus as she unfolds the swab, and there’s an apology somewhere on Beth’s tongue, because it might not be entirely her fault, but she’ll be the first to admit that tonight didn’t exactly go as planned.

As if on cue, Beth hears a car pull up outside. Hears the cut of an engine and then a beat, two, and a door open and close. The soft pad of feet up her driveway and then the quiet, gruff murmurs of Mick’s voice as he meets the newcomer, and - - newcomer? God, who’s she kidding, she knows exactly - -

Her cheek stings, and Beth yelps, flinching back before she can help it only to be met by Annie’s apologetic look as she presses the alcohol swab harder into the cut on Beth’s face.

“I told you to hold still,” Annie reminds her, and Beth sighs, letting Annie dab a little at her before she drops the now-bloody swab into the pile of torn plastic between them.

“You deserve that,” Ruby chimes in, and Beth just rolls her eyes, her hand travelling up to prod a little at the cut before Annie slaps it away. “Don’t. Your hands are like - - germ factories. I think this might need stitches.”

“You’re lucky gangfriend’s gang friend showed up,” Ruby adds sharply, and that’s a little harsh, Beth thinks, gaze travelling back up to her in time to catch the other woman’s look, but Ruby’s not looking at her, or - - she is, but more specifically, she’s looking at the gash on Beth’s cheek, and okay, it’s not that bad.

The bruises at her shoulder are worse.

She’d seen them in the side mirror of Mick’s car as he’d pulled her out of the warehouse, shoving her unceremoniously into the passenger seat as he’d whipped them out of there, and Ruby was right, she was lucky, but at the same time, it was supposed to be simple.

It was supposed to be a way for them to get some control of their operation again. They weren’t cutting Rio out by going around him this time, they were just - - getting to know their pool of clients. Exploring some potentially lucrative side hustles. If Rio hadn’t wanted them to do that, he would’ve done a better job at hiding that phone number on the paperwork he’d brought into Boland Bubbles, and he definitely would’ve like - - done something to stop her from setting up a meeting if he was already working with the guy himself.

Right?

Or maybe he’d just wanted to teach her a lesson, Beth thinks bitterly, pushing her leg out from underneath her as it starts to cramp. After all, she had been asking him a lot about the Boland Bubbles clients, and well - - 

Mick really had shown up weirdly fast. 

Still. 

“I had it under control,” Beth insists, her frown deepening when Ruby scoffs and Annie gives her a stupid look, and she doesn’t think the guy was going to kill her anyway. He only hit her when she told him he must be as stupid as he looked if he didn’t know a good deal when he saw one.

With a whine, the front door opens, and she knew it would be him, she reminds herself, she did, but still.

It’s something else, that’s all. To see Rio step through her front door, an eyebrow arched and his lips pressed into a thin line as he stops in the open arch entrance of her almost-empty living room and takes them in, and god.

She sits up a little taller, ignoring the complaint at the small of her back, because she’s sitting on the floor and this is not the way she wanted him to see her tonight, or ever, but then again, she reminds herself wryly, they’ve seen each other worse.

Still, she can hear Ruby inhale a sharp breath at the sight of him, Annie shuffle nervously, hear the neighbour’s son playing video games and a baby crying. Can feel the room shrink like it always does when Rio’s in it, and Beth does what she always does too.

She watches Rio.  

Watches as he closes the distance between them, and Annie’s barely got the chance to grab the first aid kit and scramble sideways as he does it, his sneakers scuffed in a way that reminds Beth of afternoons at the park, but nothing good waits for her at the end of that thought, and so she looks up at his jean-clad knees, his shiny, uncracked leather belt, his t-shirt, his half-open peacoat, and then - -  

His eyes are always so dark.

Beth swallows thickly.

Vaguely, she’s aware that Mick followed him in (a surprise given he’d spent the last half hour after bringing her home on her front steps), and Annie’s nervous energy and Ruby’s sunken shoulders, but any thoughts of it are dim, blurred, a smudge of sight, sound, feel in the background, because Beth’s looking at Rio, and Rio’s looking at her.

He clasps his hands in front of himself.

Rolls his shoulders back.

He looks down at her, statuesque, a million miles above her.

“You wanna tell me what happened?” 

And, well - -

It lights her up like a dropped match.

“Your associate is what happened,” she tells him, and the heat finds her tone too quickly, because if this was a test, if he knew - - her chest heaves: “He - - pistol whipped me.” 

From the corner of her eye, she can see Annie and Ruby stare at her, their own eyes wide and unblinking, and she can hear Mick snort, amused, which just - - god, it’s enough to leave a flush burning at her cheeks, but Rio seems unbothered. Unaffected. Just keeps looking at her like that. 

Like - - 

Before she has time to think, he steps forwards again, drops to a crouch in front of her and Beth jerks (and god, that makes her face sting, her shoulder burn), as Annie scrambles further backwards towards Ruby, and she can see the amusement on Rio’s face, no matter how hard he tries to hide it, and she’s still squaring her jaw when Rio hooks a knuckle underneath it. 

Beth’s exhale is trapped in her throat.

It’s worse than the looking – when he touches her. When he looks at her, everything else fades, but when he touches her, there is nothing else, and Beth hates it, hates the feel of the cracked skin of his knuckle behind her chin, hates the memory of it scraping the backs of her teeth once, a long time ago, in her now-empty bedroom, hates that she looks at him and his dark, heavy eyes and knows the memory’s close to the surface for him too.

“See,” he starts, his voice low and slow as he tilts her head slightly to the side (she hates that she lets him), getting a better look at her cut. “Thing I can’t get my head around is why you were even meetin’ my associate in the first place.”

He doesn’t emphasise the my, he doesn’t, but Beth hears it anyway, and it’s enough to make her blink, swallow, to hate the latter too for the way it pushes the soft underbelly of her jaw into his finger, and it’s like he knows that too, because suddenly Rio drops his hand down to his knee, and Beth looks at him, and - - huh.

Maybe he didn’t know, she thinks, taking in his closed face.

Maybe he just hated touching her too.  

“He asked for a meeting,” she tells him, and without his skin on her’s, she hears it when Ruby makes a low, strangled noise (but okay, it’s not a lie – he did ask for a meeting after Beth had implied she’d accept one on the phone).

“He asked for a meeting,” Rio echoes dryly, and Beth stares at him, and he knows. She knows he knows. But still she can’t quite swallow the lie.

“The pitch could’ve gone a little better.”

The grin that twitches at the corners of Rio’s lips is so fast she almost misses it – might have, if they weren’t sitting so close – and she finds something in her lurching with the knowledge, trying to chase the look even as his features resettle.  

“Yeah, he ain’t really used to people like you showin’ up at these sorts of meetin’s.”

“I thought self-starters defined this industry.”

At the words, Rio snorts, shaking his head at her, and it’s sudden – the shift in the look of him – any amusement leaching out of his expression and leaving him quieter somehow. His big eyes half-lidded, the points and angles to him softened, his lips just slightly open to exhale a breath and is it that, she wonders? The warmth she feels suddenly at her cheeks?

Beth wets her own lips, means to speak, to say something, only then his knuckle is beneath her chin again, tilting her head softly to the right. Holds her in place for a moment, and she lets her gaze fix on the far wall of her living room, tries to slow her breathing as she feels him look at the half-cleaned up cut, the aching bruises flowering like spring buds beneath her skin. Feels him - -

Just feels him.

After a moment, he drops his hand, grazing it ever so slightly against her chest as he pulls it away and leans back on his haunches, and Beth should look at him, should twist her head back to him, but she doesn’t – not right away. Drops her gaze instead to the floor, to the carpet, a little stained from where she spilt bourbon once. From where Emma’s tie-dye ballet slippers marked it too.

“You gonna learn anything from this?”

Beth blinks, glances back at him, and his face isn’t open, but it isn’t so closed either – an unfamiliar, familiar expression there instead. Something she doesn’t get. And just - - god. She sniffs, shifts her weight on the bristly carpet.  

“Learn anything from what?”

And she sees it then, the inhale, the way he pushes his tongue into his lower lip, before dropping his head and huffing out a laugh. He slaps his hands down on his knees and gets up out of his crouch, glancing over at Annie and Ruby, still staring tentatively at them from a few feet away, and then over to Mick.

“Take their cut.”

“What?” Annie squawks as Beth’s chest lurches, her sister finding her voice and standing up a little taller, hands still clutching the first aid kit to her chest. “Why?”

“You try to cut deals behind my back, I cut your pay, that’s how this works,” Rio supplies easily, shrugging a little, and Beth rolls her eyes when he turns back to look down at her and adds: “Ain’t that right, darlin’?”

She leaves it just a moment, before she smiles, and even though it makes her face sting, she makes it look an easy, too-sweet thing.

“Right, boss.”

It’s enough to make Rio hum, and she knows he likes it – can read that much at least – and he sways a little closer again as Mick steps around them, a strange, stifled sound in the back of his throat when he grabs the bag of cash off the ottoman and starts towards the hallway, and she swears he swaps a look with Ruby, but - -

Oh, Beth thinks, a shiver erupting through her when she feels Rio’s fingers brush her temple, feels them push her hair back off her face, and she knows her eyes are wide when she looks at him, can feel her breath caught, and when he says:

“Maybe work on that pitch of yours, yeah?”

She thinks I will, and when he slips out afterwards, and Annie and Ruby erupt into chatter, she thinks - -

She thinks - -

Next time.

Touch prompts.