#if they go “yes you're part of the group you're our friend” then clearly they're just lying to make me feel better

[xavieremix]

.

[writingredrose]

the nightmare before our love story | Skully J Graves x reader

summary : being stuck in another world isn't new for you, but it seems you've found someone who perhaps truly understands you

warnings : reader is known to be Yuu

fic type : fluff and maybe a bit of angst

a / n : MAN I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS NEW EVENT!! I hope I get Skully's personality right! ( I put a reference there. Good luck on finding it! It's pretty easy <3 ) Also I would like to mention that I started making this while I was watching part two and going into part three of the event. So it may be a bit rusty on the edges

HAPPY HALLOWEEN 🎃

This is Halloween.... This is what Halloween is about...

Yes, indeed, that's what the magic of Halloween is all about

The night was quiet in Halloween City. Out there, in the City Hall, some people were arguing over meaningless things.

“This was supposed to be teamwork... what's happening?„ “Your friends have a lot of energy.. don't they?„ On a bench not too far away from the arguing houswardens, you, Skully and Jack were staying in a little group. Unfortunately not even Grim could escape from the complaints of the houswardens. The mayor too was clearly angry at everyone's stubbornness but it seems even he couldn't stop everyone.

“ I wouldn't expect much from them. I've gone to that school enough to know they're hopeless„ You sighed and let yourself numb on the wooden bench. “I miss my dorm mates, man„

A pair of orange eyes looked at you from under a pair of black glasses. “How lovely! Truly! You too have companions in your dorm?„ You smiled at Skully brightly. “Yeah! They're an amazing company, it's fun to be around them, even if there are only 5 of us!„ “How wonderful!„ “I would've loved to meet your companions too, Y/N! If they are as you say, it would've been a blast working with them” Jack Skellington smiled at you from above, you could tell he was thinking about how it would've been to meet them. You smiled and looked back at the others in front of the stage. Still arguing... What could be done..? You wanted to get up and try to get them to shut up, but the mayor himself decided to do it for you. “EVERYONE SHUT UP!” You heard a quiet laugh from next to you, of course it was none other than Skully, you could tell by the way his hand was covering his mouth. “Can we not argue at least today? We need to finish the Halloween preparations in these 3 days!„ “Yes yes! I promise I shall do another lottery tomorrow, until then, please do your best to work together„ The Houswardens looked at each other. Vil gave a long sigh. “We don't have a choice do we?“ Shaking his head, he accepted his fate as well as the others. “How troublesome..„ Jack whispered before going out of the city hall, quickly followed by Skully and you, Grim too, quickly jumping on your shoulder to accompany you outside.

What a day, what a day... As expected the teams made absolutely no progress. The mayor was mad, Jack was worried, and Skully...well, he's trying to get people to try his ideas but it seems like it's not working as well as he wants to.

The day has finally come to an end. Even if no progress was made, you and the others were able to accommodate more with Halloween town. Except, there may be one problem. “And where exactly should we sleep„ Sebek was the one to disturb the silence. Now that you're thinking about it, you really didn't think about the sleeping problems. “My, I haven't thought about that at all! Hm, well my house can't possibly fit all of you...Ah yes! There are plenty of open graves for you to use!„ Did he just say graves? “Uh no thank you, we're fine sleeping somewhere else„ “Oh! I'm pretty sure I can find someone that has enough space under their bed for you all! Or perhaps a cozy coffin I can borrow from a vampire!” Well, Jack clearly seems to have some... interesting ideas “I'm sorry under a what now?“ “No way, sleeping in a coffin is definitely not for me!“ “How about sleeping in the hall?„ Jamil was the first to propose the idea. Sleeping in a city hall didn't seem that bad. Beats sleeping in someone's wall. “Are you kids sure? I simply cannot let you sleep in such an uncomfortable place! You are our guests after all„ “Oh no, we insist! We will be just alright!“ “Well, if you say so, I can't be the one to oppose the idea“

It all started when you and the others found a mysterious book lying in the middle of the market. Initially, you planned not to open it, but Grim, being the little curious furball he is, opened it without thinking at all. And here you are, in Halloween Town, with a bunch of different monsters and Jack, who to you seems very familiar for some reason. In the forest you've woken up, you also found Skully, who in your eyes was a very nice guy. He was a gentleman, and seemed to respect every one of you, even if the others made fun of him a lot. Skully also seemed to pay attention to you the most, asking about your opinions ( even if they're not needed ), asking for advice and just being there with you. You can't lie and say you haven't been thinking about taking him back at NRC. The headmage owes you a lot after all. You just hope you'll be able too. After all, he looks like he needs some good company.

You're not sure what woke you up, the uncomfortable feeling of the wood bench you were sitting on, or the shuffling and steps close to you. You slowly opened your eyes and looked around, not much to see in the dark, but you spotted a tall figure opening the door of the hall and going out. Skully..? You thought. Why is he awake at such an hour? You silently got up and started walking to the door as to not wake up Grim and the others. You slowly opened the door and the cold weather greeted you. Looking up at the sky, the light of the full moon greeted you, like saying good morning. You were thinking it's morning, since the cold air was the first thing to hit you when opening the City Hall's door and your black patchworked suit wasn't a very good shield against it. You looked around searching for Skully's figure, and you quickly spotted him going out the town's gate.

You picked up your pace, the city was quiet so your call wasn't unheard by the boy. “Skully, wait up!„ He quickly turned around and spotted you, you couldn't miss the way his eyes lit up and his lips that were in a straight line were now a happy smile. “Ah Y/N! What a nice surprise! What are you doing here? I recall you being asleep„ You stopped next to him, catching your breath. “I heard you going out and I got worried something happened, so I came to see if you're ok„ You've never seen Skully smile so brightly. Your gesture made him happy beyond belief, to think someone as kind as you cared enough to check on him warms his heart. Skully put his hands on his chest, gesturing how happy he was. “Ah! To think you went all the way here to check on me! It really warms up my heart! My dear friend your kindness is unmatched!„ You left out a giggle at his compliments. No one really gave you such compliments, not here and rarely at home, you can't help but blush a little at Skully's devoted compliments. You caught him bowing again, catching your hand in his and placing a kiss on the back of it. Now this was one of the things that truly made you a red blushing mess. “Ah.. there's no need for that... it's ehm, it's nothing really, it's what friends do!„ He looked at you and laughed. “Nonsense! I have to show my gratitude no? Now! — Skully slapped his hands together, closing his eyes — how about you join me on my walk?“ “Your walk?“ “Indeed! I was planning on going on the spiral hill to take a better view of the endless field bathing in the moonlight! It's a once in a lifetime experience and I can't miss it! Would you like to come with?„ He extended his hand for you to take, and how could you possibly refuse?

The truth was that what you experienced when you first met Skully was love at first sight. And then your love grew bigger with every care he showed you.

So you took his hand and he slowly guided you to the hill. The silence between you was comfortable, you could hear your loud heartbeat while walking and you were almost 100% sure it would pop out of your chest.

Both of you made your way on the hill and sat close to the edge of it, enjoying the now slightly warmer breeze that the wind offered you.“Beautiful isn't it? I've been dreaming of coming here for so long! To finally see Mr. Jack and the Halloween Town! It's a dream come true!„ You smiled at his statement, but as soon as you looked back at him, his face quickly turned into a frown. “Something tells me this isn't all you want to say“ He looked at you, your cheeks having a pink tint to them after noticing the light in his eyes when he looked at you, and you only. “My dearest friend, can you keep a secret?„ You nodded smiling, whatever he had on his mind, you'll keep it secluded, close to your heart. “The truth is, that I am quite disappointed. Mr Jack is not how I imagined him to be. He wants Halloween to be happy, lively, with people to celebrate with. But that's... THAT'S JUST ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT„ You slightly jumped at Skully's screaming. Is this how he usually is? “Music and dancing, bright colors? NO! That's not how it's supposed to be! Halloween is a nightmare! Halloween is a dream! It's scary! This is Halloween! That is Halloween!„ Skully clenched his fists and looked ahead, eyes full of pure fury. “If Mr Jack cannot understand that, maybe I'll have to take matters into my own hands„ Looking back at Skully, you understood that more than all, he was disappointed that he was let down, you understood his feelings, you understood them well.

Without thinking, you put your hand on his, reassuring him silently. Skully jumped a little at the contact, his hand stiff, but quickly relaxing under your touch. He looked at you, an expression of shock and adoration. “Ah, I apologize my friend. I don't know what happened for me to raise my voice like that. Oh no no, Mr Jack is a gentleman, he definitely wouldn't like me acting like this„ He slowly turned his hand so that he could interlock your fingers with his. He looked at your hands, a visible pink blush peaking from behind his glasses. “Thank you, for being here for me my friend. Your companions laugh at me, calling me names, but you, you aren't like them. You understand me, and I appreciate that more than you think„ You smiled at his confession, thinking about the thoughts you had earlier today. “Skully, when...when we get out of here, I..I can try and get you enrolled in the school I'm staying at. I'm sure that my dorm will welcome you with open arms. No one to make fun of you. I'm sure you'll fit amazing„ The white haired boy looked at you with hope in his eyes. He thought that maybe, just maybe, he can be with the one whom he loved so much from the start. He looked at you with a hopeful smile. “It would be lovely! I must say I'm very curious about your friends out there. The thought of staying with you makes me jump in excitement„

You laughed at his antics, and looking back at him simply made your heart beat faster and faster. Skully seemed to think the same, because slowly and quickly at the same time, both of you found yourselves closing the distance between you. Stopping just as your lips barely touched, Skully looked at you one more time, searching in your eyes for any sort of hesitance, once he saw the soft glint in your eyes, he put a hand around your waist at the same time you put one of your hands on his cheek and finally closed the distance between you.

The kiss was enough for both of you, because you put all your feelings about each other in it. So many unspoken words were now spoken through a simple kiss, a kiss that none of you will ever forget. The hands that had your fingers interlocked had never quite loosened their grip, now gripping tighter at it, as if one of you thought the other would disappear if you'd dare to let go. You broke the kiss in need of air, you and Skully still being caught in the blissful moment, went for another one, and another. While the dim light of the moon seemed to illuminate only the two of you as if supporting your confession.

After what seemed like an eternity, you both stopped, both your faces red, looking at each other with only adoration and love being present in your eyes. Skully and you got up still holding your hands in his. Then unexpectedly, he gripped your waist and twirled you around. You couldn't help but laugh at the action. Even after stopping, he held you in his arms, kissing both your knuckles and looking at you. “My love for you goes beyond the moon, Y/N. I love you and adore you like no other„ You kissed him again, your hands coming behind his neck.

“And my love for you, Skully, goes beyond this world, Twisted Wonderland, and my very own, I love you so much, like no other person I've loved in my life„ He let out a laugh, kissing you again and again, making you giggle. He took your hands and started dancing with you, slowly, while humming a melody.

Both of you were happy, so happy. And you were sure, you were sure that even after getting out of here, you'd find each other again, the devotion and love for each other guiding you in the form of a beautiful red string, making sure you'll never forget.

BONUS :

Meanwhile in the city hall ...

“Hey, where is my henchhuman??„ Jamil and Vil looked around. “Huh, now that I think about it, I haven't seen the Prefect when I woke up„ “Indeed, and Skully too, he seemed to have disappeared„ Sebek came between them speaking loudly. “Skully told me he went to watch the sunset or something like that. I'm pretty sure I spotted the Prefect following him after a minute he left„ The houswardens looked at each other.

After a while Jack showed up asking about the two, Sally coming after a while, incredibly happy. “Why good morning Sally! What's gotten you so happy?“ She got closer to Jack whispering something that the others couldn't hear. Jack let out a happy laugh. “Reminds me of our early days. Love is truly beautiful isn't it?„ “Love? What love? What are you talking about?„ Vil demanded answers, but got nothing in return.

The two residents of the town decided to keep it a secret. And let you enjoy the moment just for a little while more.

[just-a-ghost00]

A short letter from them <3

Warning : this reading could be triggering.

Group 1

Cards - Surrender, Trust, The Universe, Soul work, Ancestors, Reflect, Page of cups, King of cups, 3 of pentacles, 5 of swords, Black Numen, The Hierophant

I see myself in you. It is troubling as much as it is freeing. I don't love myself enough to admit that I love you. I want to be a better person before I can come up to you.I hate that I have to be away from you. There is nothing I want more than to be close to you but duty calls. I have my own karma to resolve, my own issues and challenges to deal with. I understand now that the Universe let us meet for a reason. I realize that you were a lesson for me to learn. That all good things in life ask for dedication and faith. And I was not ready for you. I had dedication but I didn't have faith. Now I see clearly what I have to do. You awakened something in me I didn't know I had. Now I want to do more, live more, feel more. I want to shine brighter than before. I want to be a person you can be proud of. My ultimate goal is to propose to you. There will be a long way ahead before I can even dream of holding your hand again. In the meantime, I will work harder, better, faster, stronger. I'm sure you know that song too. Let us connect through music. When we're apart, I hope the songs we liked to listen to will keep you company and remind you of me, just as they will remind me of you. I'll hold you dear to my heart. Can you please do the same? ♡︎

Reader's insights : My alarm started ringing as I was shuffling your cards. I was hesitating on keeping the Reflect card and that's when the alarm chimed in so I took that as a confimation that yes this person is a reflection of you. The signs of Taurus, Scorpio, Leo and Aquarius could be significant. I get strong Twin flame vibes from this group. For some of you I pick up on cultural differences. A part of the reasons why this person is scared to come forward is because they're afraid of their family's opinion regarding your connection. They think that they wouldn't be too keen on having you in the family because you are from a different background. But your person doesn't care about your differences, in fact it's what drew them in and it's why they love you. They also were amazed at how similar you could be dispite your differences. I'm definitely picking up on long distance relationships. You aren't in contact with them at the moment or the contact is minimal. This person is going through some existential crisis. Meeting you put everything into perspective. You rocked their world.

♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎

Group 2

Cards - Reflect, Ascension, Withdraw, Play, Power (horizontal), get creative, Wheel of fortune, 7 of wands, 10 of pentacles, ace of swords, 2 of pentacles, 2 of swords

I feel like I constantly have to fight for your attention. You're always busy, always on the go. You always have something to do, something to say to someone that can't wait another day. So many excuses. Do I even matter? Like, do you even care about us? I know you're my soulmate and honestly it frustrates me because I feel like I have to go through so many struggles to just have one happy moment with you, without other people getting their nose in our business. It's always my friend said this, my family did that. What about me? What about what I said or did? What about my feelings? Honestly, do you even want me in your life? Because if you don't I have no problem with that. However I have a problem with you wasting my time and hurting me. I can be pretty open minded I just need people to be honest and mature enough to voice out what's wrong for them. You feel so distant and I don't know what to do anymore with this. To tell you the truth, I'm considering leaving and entertaining other connections because at this point why even bother? When I'm in the mood for more and ready to keep things going you just retreat to your shell and put up a wall between us. At least tell me what's wrong. If I've done something that hurt you I want to own up to it and apologize properly. I can't read your mind.

Reader's insights : I kept being distracted as I shuffled your cards. People might be interfering in this connection to deter you from being with that person if this is a romantic connection. This person thinks that you're seeing someone else and/or playing with them. Before even reading for you and writing what this person wanted to say, I felt a lot of frustration bubbling up in my chest. The cards feel quickly so this person has a lot on their plate. I'm sorry if this reading is triggering to some of you. You can't seem to see eye to eye with this person. There are serious communication issues in this group because I feel like you may be in the same energy as this person. You don't know what they want either, you feel like they keep running away from you. There's a lot of confusion between the two of you as to where this is going and what each other's intentions are. You don't trust one another, it's a battle of egos that seems like it's never ending.

♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎

Group 3

Cards - 9 of pentacles, The Magician, The Star, Page of cups, Temperance, 8 of pentacles, Speak Truth, Movement, Play, The Magi, The Creator, Versatility

Ever since we parted ways, I feel like my life is finally making sense. I feel better in my shoes, better in my skin. And I honestly think it's better this way. My career took a positive turn. I am more abundant. I feel like I'm in alignment with my destiny. I feel like life is finally smiling to me and I can finally work toward what I always wanted. I think going our separate ways was the best thing that could happen to us. Because I know deep down I would have choked being next to you. Being away from you allows me to express my true self. To explore and figure out who I am. To indulge in pleasures I didn't know existed, to give life to dreams I didn't know I had. I feel like I'm rebirthing. I'm finally in control of my life and my destiny. It took meeting you to realize I was not happy and for that I am grateful. I know this isn't what you would like to hear. But for once in my life I want to stop pleasing people and start pleasing myself. I will now give myself the love I deserve and needed. And I hope you can respect that. I am now moving on and flying on my own. Thank you for the memories.

Reader's insights : I felt quite nervous doing this reading, my body was tense. There were remanent energies from group 2 because I kept thinking of their last song The Negative. You might want to check group 2 if you hesitated between group 3 and group 2. It was like this person hesitated saying the things they said because they thought you'd take it personally and they're aware of the wrongs it would cause. But they had to get it off their chest. The signs of Gemini, Aquarius, Sagittarius may be significant.

[zushikiss]

may I request a scara college au, with him as our secret admirer, being sweet in the letters he sends us but irl being really rude and mean. He one day catches someone messing with us and then stands up for us and confesses everything in panic after that<3

summary ; scaramouche drops his "i don't care about you" facade to protect you from this annoying boy who just won't stop trying to get your number, he reveals his identity afterwards too ;)

warnings ; red for kazuha, orange for hu tao, green for alb*rt, scara threatens your admirer but none of the actual violence, just him saying he'll break a few bones if albert comes near again, cursing

pairings ; scaramouche x gn!reader

notes ; ahhh i love this idea sm, thank you anon! also i made the letters pictures so that it's easier to read <3

you showed off your dozens of letters to your friends, though they were disinterested since this wasn't exactly your first time ranting about your oh so dear secret admirer, in fact it probably was your nth time talking about him in that week alone, your friend kazuha takes a closer look at the letters before letting a small smile take place on his lips.

"The handwriting looks familliar."

"Huh? Really?"

"Yeah, looks like Scara's handwriting to me."

Ah yes, Scaramouche. The person who you were sure only existed to make your college life a living hell, he pestered you daily, borrowing simple stuff like pens and when you ask for it back he shrugs you off with a "i forgot it at home" or a "i lost it."

"That gremlin? Pfft no way, he hates me with his whole being."

"That's not a lot of hate now, is it?"

And with that your group errupts in laughter, you couldn't help but join in, but kazuha's comment made you think, what if it really was scaramouche writing to you? nahh it can't be, your secret admirer is so sweet, they even bought you your favorite snacks and drinks the other day, comparing them to that evil goblin is truly offensive.

And when you parted with your friends to go to your respective classes you kept thinking about kazuha's comment, I mean scaramouche is attractive yes, but you just can't imagine him doing all the things your secret admirer has done.

On your way to your class you bumped into albert, this creep who just can't seem to read the room, you've rejected him plenty times and you've ignored him for plenty more but he just can't seem to get the hint.

"Name! Oh yeah by the way, are you free tonight? Wanna have dinner with me?"

"Oh albert, I'm sorry but I have to go uhh study for a quiz.."

"Aww c'mon, it'll be quick i promise! Or an even better idea is why don't you give me your number? So we can make plans for when you're finally free."

At this point your back hit the wall behind you since albert just keeps getting closer, you're clearly uncomfortable and you pray to archons above that someone passes by and helps you.

"I really gotta go, I'll be late-"

"Class doesn't start for another 5 minutes, name. What do you say we-"

"Finish that sentence and i'll crush your skull."

Out of nowhere a familiar tuff of indigo hair appeared, his hands were wrapped around albert's collar as he pulls him away from you.

"Hey man?! What the fuck is wrong with you??"

"Name said they're gonna be late. If I hear that you ever come near them again, I won't hesitate to break both your legs so you won't be able to go anywhere."

And with that albert ran off, scaramouche looked at you, his eyes no longer holding the dark aura that they possesed not even a minute ago.

"You okay?"

"Yeah.. Why'd you do that?"

"..do what?"

"Save me? You kinda don't give off that knight in shining armor energy you know?"

"Cause what kinda sick fucker let's the person they like be harassed like that? I spent so much time asking around to know what your favorite foods are so I can get them for you and you think I won't punch a bitch for you?"

And when it finally sets in that he basically just confessed to you his first instinct was to run away, and so he did. He turned his back to you as he started walking away, you grabbed his wrist as a way to stop him before he looks at you, he looked adorable, his cheeks stained red while he averted his eyes, trying to avoid your gaze.

"Are you really?"

"Yeah, look just reject me and let's get this over with."

"Reject? No! You owe me ice cream since you finally introduced yourself."

"What."

"I'd like to go out with you, Scaramouche."

[baldursgat3]

follow up to this. honestly I was torn between like three different reactions and I still might fuck around and finish up the fluffier version of this.

for now though, local vampire fucks up, locks lover inside their own head for a year and kind of experiences an consequence

~*~*~

You could see the look on his face as he strode towards you, on the heels of Shadowheart. The same calm, tight smile you always got when you were in trouble in front of company. You only smiled warmly back at him, seemingly unaware.

"Dearest." His voice as silky as ever as he took his place beside you. "How on earth did you find yourself over here. I thought you were managing the food." He spoke as though he wasn't receiving a stare down from each of their companions.

"I'm sorry, love." Your voice came out as your head tipped down, reverently. "It wasn't going anywhere and- and besides, we wanted to chat. It would've been rude to crowd the refreshments."

He paused, you saw his eyes flick to the side where he knew Gale was watching. Everyone was watching. "You're always so aware of things like that, darling. Forgive me?"

"Of course." Ugh. The way you smiled back at him made you nauseous. It was so sweet and fake. Besides, you knew the only reason fake you got away with it was because everyone was watching.

"Cut the crap, Astarion." Karlach spoke up first, clearly irritated by the entire scene playing out before her. "We know what's up, let them go."

He turned to face her before you could get a good look at his reaction. "What are you talking about?" His voice had just the hint of an edge to it. He wasn't angry, not yet anyway.

Gale crossed his arms, his eyes narrowing at the man in front of you. "I can hear them in there. Whatever compulsion you've got going on needs to end, Astarion."

"You don't know what you're talking about. I don't compel them." His attitude slipped into irritation but, still, not anger. You were a little surprised, honestly.

"What part of 'I can hear them' did you not understand?" Gale stepped closer to Astarion, confidence bolstered by the ever imposing Halsin rooted behind him.

You watched as your darling's eyes took on a dangerous glint and you suddenly found yourself deeply worried for your wizard. You wanted to reach out, to step between the two of them. Surely Astarion wouldn't cause a scene here but Gale was treading dangerous waters.

He was outnumbered anyway. "I'd advise, rather strongly, you keep your nose in your own business." What was he doing? Why was he being so obstinate?

Halsin took a step forward, in your stead, placing himself between the two. "We can behave like civilized adults here. There's no reason to take up arms."

"Pfft. Tell that to the spell slinger. I'm unarmed, he never is."

"As though you aren't loaded to the pointy teeth with your own power, you demi-god jackass!" It almost would've been comical, the way they both craned their necks around Halsin to fling their insults. Almost.

"Gale…?" You tried, tentatively hoping he was still focused enough on your connection to hear.

Clearly he was, you practically saw his ears perk up. "Ah! There! Clear as day. You know, perhaps if you just listened you would hear. Aren't you supposed to be connected to your thrall, or something-"

"They are not my thrall." Astarion hissed. "I don't compel them. We're partners in this. And you all are guests in our home, I'd suggest you remember that."

He straightened up, squaring his jaw and turning his attention towards the rest of the group. "If you'll excuse me, I do have other guests to tend to. Dearest, I'd like you to join me."

"Yes, love." Your body moved to follow him as he turned on his heel, taking your friends away from view. You couldn't help the panic you felt in your bones at the idea of being alone again.

"Astarion, you can't do this. You can't just leave them like this!" You heard Gale call from behind you. "I don't know if you forgot or what but they're in there and they told me you caused this!"

Oh gods you wished you could've flinched. He always had to talk just a little too much. You saw Astarion tense up for a moment before he sighed, snapping his fingers.

In an instant, one of the spawn was at his side, awaiting his command. "Would you be so kind as to show Mr. Dekarios to the door. I'm afraid he's overstayed his welcome."

You heard Wyll's voice next, firm but still gentle. "Astarion, think about this. It doesn't have to be this way."

"And feel free to take along anyone else who would like to continue this ridiculous conversation." He waved the servant on, as he strode away. "Come along, love."

As your body walked away from the one connection you had to the world outside, you felt your heart sink into your chest. The door was closing, the light was fading. You crossed the spell's boundary, and you found yourself in darkness again.

~*~*~

The night dragged on, even more than it had before. Now you were stuck to Astarion, laughing politely and speaking when spoken to.

You felt like you were drowning. Slowly, slowly, agonizingly slow as you sunk into the darkness that seemed to swallow you whole. The one glimpse you had of light made this life you'd gotten used to seem so much more hopeless.

Not only had he forgotten you, he refused to even consider that he had. The only hope you had ever clung to, the idea that he would some day hear your cries, was dashed upon the rocks. He would never hear you. He wasn't even listening.

The night was endless and the future was barren. You didn't even have the autonomy to end your own misery. The party faded away around you, your own voice nothing more than a distant whisper.

Were you truly doomed to an eternity of this nightmare? What in the hells had you ever done to deserve such a fate? At the hands of your own beloved, no less.

You felt as though you could've been floating in that empty void of hopelessness for a lifetime before you were pulled out of it. With what felt like horror, you realized it couldn't have been more than a few hours. You were in the same dress. Astarion was in the room with you, quietly undressing from his formalwear.

"You are in there, aren't you?" You heard his voice, though he didn't turn to look at you.

It was like a tension wire snapped, all of a sudden you were thrust back into your body with a sharp gasp. You hadn't realized how dulled your senses had become over the time you spent away. It all felt like too much.

The gentle floral smell that filled the room threatened to choke you. The candle light and shadows dancing on the wall made you dizzy. The crackling of your fireplace may as well have been dozens of fireworks bursting inside your skull. It was all just far too much.

You clutched at your head with a pained cry and collapsed to your knees, attempting to curl into yourself as much as you could.

Then, like a flame, you felt his gentle touch on your shoulder. Without thinking, you wrenched away from him with another choked out sound. It was too much, it was all just too much.

The sensations, the emotions, the stress. It was overwhelming. You heard Astarion's voice blend together with the cacophony of sounds that barraged you now. It felt like you were spinning in circles as your senses went ballistic.

And then you woke up.

The very first thing you noticed was the hairpin jabbing into your head. You reached up to feel for it, vaguely recalling having more than just the one put in as you prepared for the party.

You were in one of your more comfortable pairs of night clothes, tucked snuggly into your plush bed with its silk sheets. You could see sunlight behind the thick curtains that hung in your bedroom but that was a poor indicator of time now.

At least your senses seemed to be more under control. Your touch was almost certainly still heightened, though. You would swear you could feel each individual silken thread under your fingers.

Your body felt heavy and almost unfamiliar and gods you were exhausted. You could feel yourself drifting in and out of consciousness for a while, unsure what to even do next and, honestly, unwilling to get up and figure it out right now anyway.

It could've been minutes or hours but, eventually, you heard the door to your room creak open. A faint candlelight flooded the room for a moment before the door shut again. "Ah! You're awake, now." You heard Astarion before he appeared at your side. "You've been out for a few days, I was beginning to worry, my love. You must be starving, I'll have a breakfast made for you."

He disappeared for a moment, you heard him walk back out the door and speak to someone. You didn't really care about food right now but you weren't going to stop him. Besides, he was at your side again just as quickly as he'd left. "How are you feeling?"

You blinked up at him, almost trying to remember how to speak as you searched for your words. "Tired." You finally managed, quietly.

He laughed softly, brushing your hair from your face. "You've been asleep for three days and you're still tired?" He was so tender right now, so sweet. It almost made you forget how you got here in the first place.

"Astarion…? What-"

"Shh…" He cooed, placing a gentle kiss on your cheek. "It's past now, pet. I'm sorry it took so long."

Well, that was an apology at least - a very strange one, albeit. You had expected something bigger, more dramatic. You expected anger or sorrow or even just denial, but this? You had no clue what to make of this.

"Why did you-"

"Dearest." He sighed, moving to sit just a bit closer. "I know what happened was difficult, and I am sorry. I'm done with compulsions, sworn off them. Well, for you anyway." He chuckled. You didn't find it very funny.

You opened your mouth to say something but he continued, his eyes darkening as he spoke. "I've had quite enough of Gale, by the way. He acts as though he's in any place to judge my actions. I'm grateful he found you, don't get me wrong, but gods he couldn't have had a little decorum about it?"

He jumped so quickly from thought to thought as though each sentence wasn't cracking you over the head with it's implications. Gale had found you, at least that meant Astarion had forgotten. It also meant he chose to leave you that way and lie to your friends the rest of the night.

More importantly, he seemed largely hung up on Gale's position in this. "I didn't want to invite him but he's such a pest. I shouldn't have invited Wyll but imagine what people would think if I snubbed the Ravenguards." Politics, always politics. "I hate the way Gale looks at you, you know. Gods, if I had my way no one else would look at you at all but… well anyway."

It wasn't the first time he'd expressed that sentiment. You've known for a long time that Astarion was just a touch obsessed with you. It didn't help that you liked the attention, which only fueled the flames. Something about this time, though, something set off an alarm in the back of your mind. Suddenly, that idea looked more like a threat.

"Are you… really not going to compel me again?" Your voice was so meek, like you were afraid if you asked too loudly he might change his mind. You had so many questions but they could wait. You just wanted to know that he would let you keep your freedom.

The pained look that took over his face gripped your heart, for a moment you almost regretted asking. "Yes, my love… I was… It was foolish of me to think that I was any better than Cazador, just because I had better intentions." He laughed, bitterly. "What does it matter if I still hurt you?"

You finally moved at that, reaching out to grab his hand. "You're nothing like Cazador." It was true, Cazador wouldn't have put you to bed and taken care of you like this. He wouldn't have apologized, wouldn't have made this promise.

Astarion turned to you with a sad smile. "Only you could say that after all of this." You really didn't understand his reaction. He seemed upset at what he had done, seemed to grasp just how horrible it was. Yet, you had expected something bigger. A grand display of romance to prove his love or even just a fight about how he had had it so much worse.

A gentle silence hung in the air, neither of you fully sure how to move on. You found yourself wishing your promised breakfast would arrive just to break the quiet. Instead, Astarion spoke again, quieter this time. "Do you regret this?"

It was a vague question. You knew it was done on purpose, too. He asks a vague question to let you give the answer you want. It kept him from being too vulnerable before forcing you to take the first step. Even if it annoyed you, you understood why he did it. Asking him to clarify would defeat the purpose, so you chose the question you would answer.

"I haven't regretted a day in your arms, my love. I only wish I could've been the one you held these last few months." You weren't sure if that was a satisfactory answer or not but it put a small, hopeful smile on his face. That was good enough, gods you loved that smile.

He reached out to tenderly cup your face. "I love you. So, so much. Would you…" He took a small, uncertain breath before continuing. "Would you promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Stay away from Gale." Oh. Gods. Gale was the only reason he had remembered you in the first place, was he really that upset?

Your hesitation brought more desperation into his eyes than you had expected. "Why are you so angry with him?" You spoke with a practiced evenness, aware you were walking a minefield. "Why did you lie to them if you knew he was telling the truth?"

"I don't trust him, love." There was more behind his eyes than his typical desire to have things go his way. He was desperate for you to feel his concern. "He hates me, it's so obvious. He hates that I have this power, that I have you. I couldn't give him more ammo to fight me with by owning up to this in front of everyone.

"He's so smart, you know? And he can talk his way into things just as well as the rest of us. He managed to bed a goddess while I fought tooth and nail just to have you. He'll get into your head, he'll turn you against me, use this against me. I couldn't let him have it."

"Astarion, no one is turning me against you." You reached out to card both of your hands through his hair, bringing them to rest at the nape of his neck. "Gale is my friend, though. They all are and-"

"I'm not asking this for everyone. I know how… lonely it can get in here. Gale has cause to want to take you away. Please. I don't know what I would do without you…"

You hated seeing such desperation on his face. He really believed Gale was a few clever words away from snatching you away from him. You adored the wizard, he was a dear friend but you never had any interest in him beyond that. It didn't matter that you've already told Astarion this dozens of times, he was perpetually convinced that Gale was his opponent in a battle for your heart that he had already won years ago.

It didn't seem exactly fair that you were the one making a sacrifice to mend what was broken between you after all this. It felt fairly obvious that he was the one who should be making amends. But if this is what it took to make him feel safe in your love again. "All right, my darling. I promise."

[grigori77]

Critical Role, Campaign 3 Episode 96

Ah, I see, so THIS is why Liam looks like a cute beatnik from a 50s jazz club ... oh boy ... he's brought back the German accent BIG TIME and it's giving me massive Caleb vibes ... meanwhile Tal's clearly having EVEN MORE fun with this ... oh my gods ... wow ... that's a DOOZY, definitely ...

Marisha (cracking up): "It sounded like there was more!" Travis: "I know!"

So ... yeah ... it was all SO HEAVY when we ended it last week ... the group is WELL on the way to imploding under the weight of what just happened in the night ... can they come back from this? This is SO WORRYING ...

Oh boy ... RIGHT BACK where we were at the end ... wow ... so it's just the two of them again ... O.O

Fuck ... now even LAUDNA can feel Delilah's starting to take over ... that's not good at all ...

This is starting to sound SO MUCH like Laudna knows she's not going to be around when this is all done ... oh man ... AND she's starting to think maybe that's A GOOD THING? Fuck ... no, really, NO ...

Imogen's trying SO HARD to keep this all together for BOTH OF THEM but I can feel her breaking too ...

Come on, Imogen, that's it, bring her back from the brink ... LISTEN TO HER, Laudna. She's the best thing in your life, and she feels the same way about you, luv. You need to buck up ...

Imogen: "I'm gonna miss our little cottage." Oh fuck ...

Ah shit ... the tissues ... yeah, that's how it is with ALL OF US right now ...

Crap ... that's right, Dorian's missed A WHOLE LOT, he doesn't KNOW about Delilah, not really ... oh, and also about IMODNA ... XD ... AND Chetney's threesome with Fearne and his ex ...

Oh yeah ... Bordor ... that was a whole bunch of wrong ... that took a whole lot out of ALL OF 'em ...

Ashton being all philosphical again abdout villains trying NOT TO BE ... yeah ... he's pretty spot on ...

Dorian: "CAN she be trusted?" Oof ...

Ashton: "You okay?" Imogen: "No." Ahston: "SHE okay?" Imogen: "No." Ahston: "Okay."

Laudna's just been having a good powerful MOPE while all of this has been going on ... yeah, of course she has ... oh FUCK OFF, Delilah. You're not welcome right now ... oh yeah, Fearne, great timing, snap her out of it!

Orym: "Are you all right? I didn't hurt you too terribly did I?" Laudna: "Oh, I think I can see a few ribs ..."

Yes ... please, come on you too, make up. You're FRIENDS, you mean so much to each other. MAKE UP. Yeah. That's it. Exactly that.

Yeah, exactly. Fuck Delilah, we just want our LAUDNA.

This is exactly it, yeah ... she's not alone, they're ALL carrying their own big mistake baggage, she's not alone in that ...

Awwwww ... Ashton's BIG SISTER Laudna ... I love it ... :3

Wow ... yeah, it may be a joke, but Chetney DOES have a point there ... Dorian's the one true innocent in the group now ... you poor sweet summer chaild ...

Nice move, Chet. Yeah, that works.

Oh, that's interesting ... yeah ... that pipe ... yeah ... that could be REALLY GOOD for Laudna right now ... go on, girl, take a puff ...don't be afraid, this can only HELP ...

And then Dorian comes in with the sweetest cap for all that ... awwww ... :3

AAAAAAND just like that Chetney's OUT. XD ... of course he is.

Spin the bottle? REALLY?!!! LOL ...

Wow ... not they're just getting ridiculous ... XD ... "Hammer time?" Yeah, that's the worst one yet ... "Chetney needs sleep"? Slightly better, maybe ...

More rest, at least ... which is needed ...

Liam'#s giving Orym a point of exhaustion for NECESSITIES ... of course he is ... wee selfless lad ... we love him but he does punish himself sometimes ...

THAT'S what the Gambler's Blade does? DORIAN!!! O.O

Essek is a bit ... MOODY this morning ... hmmmm ...

"I like pulp!" XD

Ah, so everything's ready for them ,then? Sweet ... cue gearing up montage ... LOL ... oh, and descriptions too ...

Hot Shots: Part Deux for Chetney ... XD

Oh shit ... that's right ... they're back from the Moon ... IS Orym a little different? And our boy's a bit toussled now ... yeah, that's CUTE, I'm sure ...

Imogen's wearing PANTS now? Okay ...

Dorian's wearing "THE SLUTTIEST SHIRT"! Cute ...

Nipple talk ... oh dear ... XD

Oh wow ... Laudna's kind of giving me some subtle Harrow the Ninth vibes right now ...with a touch of DELILAH too, which is ... worrying, just a little ... O.O

Ashley's alwasy SO GOOD at weaving a beautiful picture, she really is ... and a utility belt. Yeah ... :3

Ashton's rocking a CROPTOP right now? Awwwwww ... and a spike trade with Fearne, too ... cute ... ooooooh ... and "Smiley Day" ... oh man ... I love it ...

Matt makes a rather pointed "prepare your spells" statement that everybody IMMEDIATELY takes as SUSPICIOUS and I'm right along with them. What are you planning, Mercer?

Yeah ... that fucking bloody apron's just gonna leave a trail behind them THE WHOLE WAY ...

Divvying up stuff ... here we go, ten minutes of inventory bookkeeping while we wait for the game itself to start up again ... XD

Ah ... sucking up one Ring of Protection with the harness ... hmmm ...

Imogen's jealous of Essek's floating thing ... not surprising ...

Ooooh ... ExU: Calamity recap ... cute ...

A FEW tries? Oh, I don't like the sound of that ...

Wow ... they're all REALLY crossing their fingers ... XD

Rolling a D100? Oh fuck ... 14? Hmmmmm ... ouch ... oh, that didn't go well ... they went NOWHERE and took 11 points of Force damage each ... bugger ...

Second try ... ANOTHER roll ... 45? Okay ... SEEMS like the right place ... an abandoned encampment? Interesting ... oh, sounds like it's NOT where they should be, then ...

Lyrengorm? Where?

He can only do it ONCE MORE for the day? Bollocks ...

A final roll ... 61 ... MORE snow ... much colder ... Orym's ENTIRELY BURIED ... a particularly AGGRESSIVE mountain range this time ... some kind of VERY fancy castle ... oh, so we ARE in Eisselcross ... but we're not sure WHERE ... oof ...

Crap ... they've been spotted ... by SOMEBODY ... big lumbering somebodies ...

Undead ice giants? Yeesh ... yeah, better hide ... argh ...

Matt: "There's a reason you took a BOAT to Esselcross last time!"

And now it's time for a break ...

Do they run? Do they fly? WHAT DO THEY DO?!!! Hiding's obviously out of the question ... eep ...

A DISTANT Command on one of them? Risky, Imogen ... "HALT!!!" Oh, it doesn't work on undead? BALLS ...

And now one of them flung a rock ... BAIT & SWITCH!!! Nice save, Orym! Crunch ... STILL 26 points of damage ... ow ...

There's a whole BUNCH of 'em coming now ... AAAAAAAH!!!

Essek's trying a HIGHER level Teleport ... okay ... one more roll ... 48? Oh bollocks, Laura! This is so bad ...

DO NOT give Mercer ideas, Ashley! O.O

More snow ... elsewhere ... hmmmm ... Essek has no idea where they are ... great ...

Yes. Sniff the wind, Chetney ... the air is THINNER ... oh, they're AT ALTITUDE right now ... cute ... on a mountain, then ... that's just PEACHY ...

Oh, if they had something FROM Aeor? I mean THEY COULD just use a piece of FCG ...

Looking into Essek's memories, then ... O.O ... and a glimpse of Aeor ... it's all VERY dramatic ...

Aha, a specific anchoring point ... good idea ...

Laura: "Guidance? Will that help?" Matt: "No, but it's nice to have." XD

So, the Staff ... oh boy ... this could go SO BAD .... she rolls 99 for it ... well, that's ... potentially good?

A frozen woodland glade ... Huh?

Don't shoot the rabbits with your harp, Chetney. They'll only explode and that's not what ANYONE wants ...

An amber coloured dome of energy over them? Oh, yeah, that definitely rings a bell ... XD

At least it's nice and warm in here ... although they are in danger of getting buried under the snow before morning ...

Essek's just IMMEDIATELY going to sleep, then ...

Fearne, you're adorable ... :3

Chetney's going hunting. WITH THE HARP. Oh boy ...

And he shoots a boar? Oh, okay, I suppose that's too big to just blow up ... food!

There's a huge city out there? Hmmmm ... no chance that's Vasselheim, maybe?

Time for food, then ...

Another try at Teleporting, then ... roll AGAIN ... 53? Fuck ...

They land ON THE SLOPE of a mountain ... AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

Another jump ... another roll ... 46? No, NINETY-six ... somewhere icy and cold ... oh, that's it, then. They made it ... phew ...

Yup, they're here. On the VERY EDGE of the ruins, then ...

Time for Stealth, then ... group check time ... oh boy ... fucking hell, Travis ... 41?!!! How the FUCK did you do THAT?!!!

Shit ... are those more of theose undead ice giants? Oh no ... gods, bo what to know WHAT these things are ... eep ... O.O

Going down into the gloomy underground darkness ...

ICE TROLLS?!!! Lovely ... yeah, just GO QUIETLY, please ...

It's getting STUPID tight in here ... this is NOT GOOD ... Chetney's going ahead to check the route ...

Oh, that's a DROP. Great ... now what?

So they have to climb down with the rope ... great ... oh, Chet wonders if he could ICE-CLIMB down? I really don't know about that ... oh, the Immovable Rod, that shoudl be helpful ...

Yeah, this couldn't possibly go wrong ... O.O

A ruined courtyard? Fascinating ... smelling for anything alive down here ... a clean must? Strange ...

So he's climbing down, then ... okay ... the others getting down will be ... INTERESTING ...

Oh yeah, some light might be helpful now ...

Bones? Frozen into the ice underfoot? Hmmm ... that could be ... problematic ... and some bodies too ... oh lovely ... there's SOMETHING unpleasant down here, clearly ...

Wait ... WHO is this? Oh ... FUCK ... shit! Oh, that is SWEET!!! Nice callback ... O.O

So, going EAST then ...

The Praesidis Ward? Hmmm ...

A giant cavern that was once a city ... weird ...

It's getting WARMER? Hmmm ...

Fearne has a point ... this DOES look like that weird ruined city in the cavern on Ruidus ...

Wait ... there's SCARY things down here to be on the lookout for? Way to bury the lead there, Essek ...

Yeah, DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING, people ...

He became a FISH. Really? Fascinating ...

Another Group Stealth check ... generally good rolls once more ...

Skeletons? Lots of them? Great ... this place is like a necromancer's wet dream ... I really hope this isn't where Mercer's heading with this ...

Grim Psychometry? IN HERE?!!! Whoa, Chet ...

That is ... troubling and not terribly infomrative, really ...

Crap ... was that a troll?

Moving on, then ...

Weird creepy corpse ... which wasn't there LAST TIME Essek passed through ... charming ... it IS moving, but, like, RIDICULOUSLY slow? Oh, that's unnerving ...

Imogen, AGAIN, don't touch ...

Oh, this seems like a nice, fancy place ... but Essek's not taking any chances with it, clearly ... and somebody's been through here, too ... hmmm ...

HE did this? Interesting ... well, at least he hasn't lost his sense of humour ...

Another cavern ... more industrial environs this time ... fascinating ... and it's curving UPWARDS as it goes ...

The Genesis Ward ...

It just smells of metal and water ... okay ...

So we have a specific destination now, then ...

What, try to home in on Ludinus' Harness? Could that work?

Oh, so there really ARE other things moving around in here besides the group ... that's disconcerting ...

A tent? Really? Well THAT is a pretty major sign of life ... I think they may have found what they're looking for ...

Arcane Eye? Cool ...

Oh, so something happened here ... something VIOLENT, according to the blood ... and CORPSES ... Ruby Vanguard? Oh wow ... THAT'S interesting ... this was ... relatively recent, looks like ...

More of an eagele's eye view of the cavern now ... a big jagged hole in the floor, off in the distance ... great ...

Heading in to take a look at the tent, then ...

So the deaths happened within a space of DAYS, then ... it looks like they all killed EACH OTHER?!!! O.O ... whoever did this was ENJOYING themselves? Charming ... and one of them killed HIMSELF ... and apparently was very HAPPY when he did it ... that's just LOVELY ...

It's a pretty nondescript knife, Imogen ...

Grim Psychometry again, then ... oh boy ...

Oh, so the elf was the one who killed them all ... really violently, with SIGNIFICANT manic strength ... carves soemthing into his chest ... and then kills himself too ... wow ...

Chetney DRAMATICALLY unveils the elf's chest ... a sigil ... what is it, then? Ask Essek ... he doesn;t recognise it ... Laudna casts Eyes of the Rune Keeper ... no joy, it seems ... hmmmmm ...

Oh ... Laudna asks DELILAH if she recognises it ... great ... she doesn't either ... great ...

Don't take a pee on the arcane time dome, Orym ...

Something's grinding out there ... stone on stone ...

A group stelth check, but grading everyone individually as they hide? Oh boy ...

Two groups, then ... roill well, guys ...

It's VERY TALL ... oh boy ... that is DISTURBING ... that's like ... it's a hood, but it DOESN'T actually have a head? Ye gods ... and it has a VERY BIG HAMMER it's gragging behind it ... and there's LOTS of teeth in a maw in its belly ... well THAT noise was just unsettling, Matthew ...

Fuck ... a whole bunch of creepy translucent scorpion-like creatures seem to crawl OUT OF IT ... charming ... and they're searching the area ...

Laudna just gave herself away ... and they're all going RIGHT FOR HER now ... oh fuck ...

And THIS is where Matt chooses to end it ... but not before he gives us a look at the Battlemap for next session ... and it's MASSIVE ...

Oh, this is gonna be a SCARY encounter to start things off next time ... But it's the end of the month, so that's gonna be a FORTNIGHT'S wait ...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

[sol-consort]

Can you imagine the chaos if they did find out? Like, idk, a young turian adult from a traditional family is rebelling and googles human porn/erotica to spite his parents and stumbles upon something akin to AO3 with an entire tag dedicated to nesting and breeding? And then of course he tells his friends, and they tell their other friends, and then their siblings find out and all of a sudden a chunk of the new turian adult generation know about how some humans fantasise about nesting and getting bred.

On a completely different note, but turian related, have you met Adrien Victus yet? -blue anon

Oh my god imagine if they end up getting misinformed and start thinking ao3 and other sites contains actual accurate human sex, like how a lot of people who grew up watching porn start thinking it's realistic sex.

Turians spreading remours between themselves about "nesting" and "bite marks" and distorting their own views on humans and why they like leaving hickies on each other.

You invite a turian friend back to your home just to hang out, and they end up wandering into your room and finding 3 blankets and a bunch of pillows or plushies on your bed? Their mind immediately wins gold at the Olympics of jumping to conclusions, and they think you're nesting, obviously.

Suddenly they're affectionate and asking weird questions like is your neck okay or do they smell fine to you? You keep saying the room temperature is normal whenever they ask if you're in heat.

Going back home and calling their turian gaggle of friends and gossiping about it with them laying on the bed and legs kicking in the air and all. Exaggerating some parts about how they definitely just met a human in heat who was nesting and Ha! fuck you dad! Ao3 is a valid source for human sex educational.

Maybe you bite your friend as a joke, like their arm or something because they stole one of your fries. And the turians eating with the two of you look completely flustered and stuttering, not believing their eyes and immediately thinking it means you two are a thing now. One of them who has been clingy to you before, is suddenly dejected as if his heart shattered into a million pieces.

Also on that note, turians are offical creeps in the universe, like it is in their blood to be creepy fucks who walk the thin line of what's appropriate or not. Creepy nerds who keep reading misinformation about human sex and taking it as facts. Making groups and blogs, introduction guides and categorising our kinks as different types of human mating.

Completely becoming obsessed rather than, yk, having sex with a human to find out like any normal person would. No they rather argue in the comment section of a home-made Turian/human porno about how this isn't accurate and the human clearly isn't enjoying themselves because they aren't moaning like a porn star and the turian should be charged for war crimes and hanged because he is a shame to their species for letting this human down in bed.

And yes I did meet him! I wanted to fuck him normally but then I found out he has a son and he became instantly ten times hotter to me and now I want to fuck him abnormal freaky style. Gonna have him lay my eggs.

[arttsuka]

I'm gonna share my thoughts and overall opinion about heartstopper (it's negative), if that upsets you just, scroll away.

So, heartstopper. I don't like it. I'm not very good at writing or articulating my thoughts properly but I'll try to explain as best as I can.

First, I want to address the 'you're not part of the target demographic' excuse I'm hearing here and there. That's really not a good excuse. A good media (whether that is a movie, a series, a book, or anything else) can and should be enjoyed by more than one age group. And while my experiences in life don't exactly align with what these characters are going through, that still shouldn't stop me from enjoying the show.

The characters

Darcy, ooo boy. Legit one of the more unlikable characters on the whole show even if it's clear we are meant so sympathize with her. Her actions are clearly hurting her girlfriend and friends but that's ok because she has problems on her own apparently.

They're all very boring, stereotypes really, with no real personality (at least the main characters). And a lot of them are plain unlikable. Part of it can be blamed on how stereotypically they act.

Charlie is the soft uwu gay boy who's being bullied, has an eating disorder, has 1000 problems, is not very athletic, is the 'black cat' of the relationship. Notice anything? Yes, all these stereotypes could be describing any character (at least how the fandom usually misinterprets them). He doesn't feel like a real person because he has no sense of self. And yes, it is a fictional world, but at the same time it's clearly written to reflect reality on a big level. He is also extremely selfish and not very forgiving (and while yes you don't have to forgive others if you don't want to, closing the door on someone's face with a simple 'no' isn't exactly the best thing to do).

Nick is the golden retriever bi boyfriend who's never done anything bad in his life (despite doing some of the same things Ben did aka the most irredeemable character of the series that I'll talk more about later albeit for different reasons, the resultremains the same).

Tory is very underdeveloped but still, very boring as well. I'd like to see more of her but so far her writing is bad at best.

The gays

I can't stretch this enough, all the characters end up being boring because they are stereotypes without anything new added to them.

And Ben. Ben was the villain, he never stood a chance to redeem himself because someone had to be the bad guy apparently. Obviously not justifying his actions, but it's clearly he had problems as well. He knew he'd be bullied for his sexuality and he had to pretend around others (the difference between him and Nick is that Nick was the 'good' replacement I guess). And isn't it kind of weird how he's the only non-straight character to be cast aside from the lgbtq group? How they refuse to give him a chance? I don't know, seems excessively cruel for our main characters to do.

The writing

I fear the writing isn't that strong. Some episodes are pretty packed while others are a bit boring because nothing really happens to progress the story (and this is a slice of life show, filler isn't really a thing in the usual sense because the relationships between characters and seeing them interact with each other is part of the genre).

The dialogues range from 'pretty believable' to 'no one talks like that' although I can't be sure how much the webcomic is at fault for that.

The acting

The acting is pretty good actually. I really enjoy the performances of most of the cast with 2 exceptions, Tori and Mr. Farouk. I don't know the actual intention behind it, but I feel like they both play into the autistic stereotype, in a way that feels uncomfortable to watch. Again, I don't actually know why, maybe it was intentional but it still feels a bit weird.

All the 'good' characters from this show have to be a part of the lgbtq community. Straight cis people can't really be good people apparently (even Imogen wasn't straight in the end). And I'm not saying gay characters can't be good but it feels like the show itself makes that connection, gay->good (except if you're Ben), straight->bad (or, if good then not straight).

The intimate stuff

It made me really uncomfortable actually. Not the implied sex but the excessive kissing (of the gay characters, God forbid any of the other couples kiss more than twise).

The eating disorder and mental problems

I can't really say much about it. I think they handled it pretty well on some parts and not so great at others. I liked how the show made it clear Nick shouldn't feel responsible for helping Charlie by himself and how having a mental problem or ed isn't something you should feel like a burden for, you can still be a human being.

The transphobia

Again, there's nothing much to say, but I will say this. The statement 'Gender neutral bathrooms will increase cases of sexual assault against women' isn't inherently transphobic, but rooted in misandry (it can obviously be both, but at it's core it's about stereotypes against men). It's how society is formed at this moment, how patriarchy is hurting everyone, not just women and all.

At the end of the day, my biggest problem with heartstopper lies in this. People claim it's a cozy show about the lgbtq youth, finding love, that I'm just jealous I didn't have something like this growing up etc. But at the same time the show tackles extremely sensitive topics like homophobia, transphobia, eating disorders...

You can't have both, it's either a cozy little show that you shouldn't criticize too hard or it's a show that deals with difficult, important stuff that deserve critisism.

I'm closing with this image I saw a while back because it's hilarious

[illtakeyoutowonderland]

The One (Part 13)

The one where she made a friend

Sihtric x Reader

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Y/N stayed close to Roger the rest of the way back to Coccham. Half looking for some quiteness and half enjoying the look of hate Sihtric was giving the poor man everytime they shared a laugh

Once on the ground again, Uhtred and Finan lead the way while Skade walked alone, unlike the rest of the group. Y/N decided she would get the answers she needed so she walked up to her "Skade!" She called her ignoring the protests of Osferth and Sihtric. Skade looked at her and Y/N offered her a smile, showing her she came in peace

"We will not be friends, Lady" She said the word in a mocking tone as she looked away from her

"Not trying to, witch" Y/N mocked her tone and Skade smiled at her. Y/N knew both of her friends in the back were listening to every word "Unlike you, I do not want to be here. I do not belong" She stated "I want answers"

"You wish for an easy way out" 

"I wish to go back home, yes" Y/N stated

"You are a terrible liar, Lady" She said slowly with a smile "You have no home" Y/N froze on her steps for a second knowing too well what she meant. No one was waiting for her. She had friends, yes, but she was knew in town, no one knew her well enough. She hadn't bonded with anyone really since she had moved and started her knew job. Running away from your problems can give you that. 

"I saw the fire" Y/N referred to her dreams and this caught Skade's attention. She could see Skade knew what she meant. She had seen it too "It is all I see when I sleep"

"Fire means change. You are tied to Lord Uhtred, you'll be one of the reasons he thrives or dies. You'll have to make decisions, you will have to choose. " Skade said walking away from her "You cannot escape destiny, Lady"

"So no pressure at all" Y/N said to herself, feeling the look of Osferth and Sihtric heavy on her back

"Lord" A man approached the group "You will not remember me"

"I remember" Uhtred said to him "You are Edwin. You're married to Mildwynn"

"Lord, they have taken more than half our winter's store. Animals and grain" Edwin explained as they all saw how the soldiers packed away the food "They say it is to feed Alfred's army, but we will certainly starve"

"Who did this?"

"They're at the hall, Lord" The man said lastly 

"Stand aside. I want no blood shed, no man killed" Uhtred said to the guards outside the hall but no one moved

"He said stand aside! Now!" Sihtric intervined and the men finally moved "Thank you. I should not need to raise my voice" But Y/N felt shivers down her spine. Was she aroused by this? She was, she would admit it only to herself as she took a deep breath and tried to play it cool. But the feeling in her stomach continued as she followed them inside the hall and unconsciously sat next to him as Uhtred and Bishop Erkenwald discussed over a cross. Sihtric gave her a look but did not complain on her company. He instead handed her something to drink as he grabbed a cup for himself

"Is my cross, Lord" A woman said from the doors of the hall "My doing. I put it there. And I wuld like it to remain there, unless of course, your plan is to once again be the Lord of Coccham. I meant no insult" And with that the cross fell by the hand of Skade

"Now, perhaps, we may eat"  Skade said, clearly annoyed by the situation

"When you leave, you will take only half of what you have gathered" Uhtred said to the Bishop "I understand an army must be fed, but my village will not starve"

"The king will not approve..."

"The king is a ghost!" Uhtred exclaimed "Nothing more than that"

"Lord" The blonde woman called Uhtred "May we speak furher, privately?" She asked as they both left the hall only to Skade to follow them

"Who is she?" Y/N asked as Finan and Osferth joined them at the table

"That would be Abbess Hild" Finan said "She's a friend"

"You shouldn't be amongst all this men, Lady" Bishop Erkenwald interrupted them looking at Y/N

"There are a lot of things I shouldn't be doing, apparently" She mumbled to herself and heard Sihtric chuckled next to her as she drank an entire cup of ale in one sip, earning a disaproving look from the Bishop

"I can offer you a safe place amongst the church. Close to God" Y/N snorted thinking of an innapropiate joke but a look from Finan and she decided not to say it 

"I am close to God" Y/N said instead "Osferth is a priest and Finan is also a good christian, well, sort of" Finan rolled his eyes at her and the Bishop sighed clearly giving up and Y/N smiled at her victory

"Come on you two, we have work to do" Finan then said to Osferth and Sihtric but Y/N also joined them as they were leaving the hall "Uh, where are you going?" 

"I am not staying alone in a room full of priests" She said grimancing "I have a feeling they are more likely to sacrifice me than the Danes"

"Only if you are a virgin" Osferth said jockingly making the group laugh

"Then I guess I am safe" She said shrugging and ignoring the look of surprise on the three men

"Finan" Uhtred called and he was gone to listen to his Lord's orders. Apparently some of them were to travel to Winchester with Hild, the Bishop and the other priests "You are going with them Y/N" He said to her once they all gathered and stopped her from protesting with a stern look

"I was really hoping to sleep on a bed tonight" She said as she ready her horse with the rest

"Yes, I will not miss sleeping on the cold ground this time" Osferth said and Y/N noticed he hadn't gathered his things

"You are not coming?" She asked and Osferth told her something about Uhtred's orders "You leaving me alone with them?" She said pointing to Finan and Sihtric

"Hey!" Finan complained "You should be grateful of my company"

"Is that what you said to the woman you bed?" Hild commented and Y/N snorted making Finan shut his mouth and dislike "I'm Hild"

"Y/N" She replied and offered the abbess a smile "I bet Uhtred told you my story" She said once she noticed the too well known look. The one almost everyone gave her, the I know you are not from here look.

"He did" Hild stated and close the distance between them "You are safe here" She simply said and Y/N thanked her. Mostly for not losing her mind like the rest had done

"My men are free man still" Uhtred said as the Bishop approach the group "They'll travel with you to Winchester, ensure your safe return" 

"I have a guard" The Bishop replied "And Wessex is not a land of banditry"

"Priest and eldearmen aside" Finan added "You should never refuse the offer of a sword, Bishop Erkenwald"

"Is it your intention to remain at Coccham?" The Bishop asked Uhtred

"My Lord's intention is to rule at Winchester" Skade said and everyone rolled their eyes

"My business is my own" Uhtred stated 

"And your children?"

"Are Christian now" He said as if he didn't care

"I will ensure they are cared for" Hild promised making Uhtred shrug. Y/N hugged Osferth goodbye and they were all on the road once again "I do not like her" Hild said looking over to Skade

"No one actually does" Y/N replied and they rode next to each other for the rest of the journey

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

@secretdreamlandmentality

@superawesomegeek

If you wanna be tag, let me know! 💜

[breelandwalker]

23. and a little bit of 22 since I feel they often go hand in hand. Me and my Friend both come from religious practices we've inherited from our family (Drabapen and Santería) and there's often a weird feeling of animosity or almost cringe we feel when people (White Americans) incorporate aspects of our cultures and sell what feels like a very sanitized version of something that we associate with a more private traditional practice for monetary gain. I often feel conflicted as someone who wants to be more open or progressive than previous generations by this syncretism of cultures and this well, wider commercialization. What are your thoughts? Sorry for the ramble

22) Do you believe in closed practices?

Yes, I believe that closed practices are a thing. There are plenty of practices, faiths, spiritual traditions, etc. that require some kind of initiation or preliminary course of study in order to join the group. Sacred or ritual practices particular to these traditions are not open for use by the general community, although there may be similar items or practices that ARE open for common use.

For example, rosaries are specifically part of Catholicism and linked to a particular prayer ritual unique to that faith. However, prayer beads as a devotional item or meditation aid appear in many traditions in multiple cultures, so they are open for everyone to use. So there really is no such thing as a "pagan rosary." But there are plenty of pagan prayer beads out there.

And to directly answer your question, yes it IS cringe-inducing to see people cherrypick or surface-skim elements from closed practices in order to make their practice seem special or ancient or mysterious, especially when the use is purely aesthetic and the person in question is clearly doing it for social media clout without any deeper understanding of what they're putting their mitts on. it's something we've been trying to address as a community for a while now and progress is slow, but it's happening. There's syncretism (the natural blending of co-existing cultures over time) and there's ganking somebody's symbols for your tiktok. These are not the same and you're fully justified to be annoyed about it.

23) Do you believe in cultural appropriation?

Cultural appropriation is definitely something that occurs and has been occurring for a long time. It is a product of entitled thinking and a general colonizer mindset that exoticizes foreign or marginalized cultures. It's been happening for centuries but one place that we really see it in blatant, disgusting detail is during the Victorian era, when literal human remains from Egypt were displayed in wealthy homes as "curiosities." It was also fashionable in some circles to attend mummy parties, where corpses were unwrapped during an evening soiree, often while dinner was served, and mumia or pulverized mummy powder was offered to guests as an exotic cure-all, as one might offer snuff or cocaine. And that's far from the only example.

So yeah. I definitely believe in cultural appropriation and also that we as a community should be taking more responsibility for decolonizing our mindsets whenever possible. Because it's our responsibility to be good ancestors and set a better example for those that come after us, rather than just mindlessly repeating the mistakes of the past.

(And for those about to ask the obvious question - Appreciation is fine. Appreciate things all you want. If you're going to make a purchase of artwork or jewelry or what have you, get it from the people whose culture it comes from, not from an Amazon warehouse.)

witchcraft ask game

[jicklet]

Finished the Persona 5 Anime, and I ended up liking it a lot more than I thought I would!

I definitely wouldn't recommend it to someone as their primary P5 experience, but if you've played the game and are hungry for more, it’s worth checking out!

Most of the fun is in how they connect all these various plots together into a coherent narrative, linking the confidant progressions into what’s happening with the overall plot or character development.

My favorite example of this is in the episode with Yusuke's confidant where he makes his speech at the end about his friends keeping him on track. Ren clearly learns from that, and so later when he gets into a discussion with Akechi about the Phantom Thieves being dangerous, Ren is able to echo Yusuke when he says that as long as the Thieves stay true to their justice, they'll stay on track. It’s a nice way to keep everything moving forward.

Another nice thing is that two infamously problem scenes got (imho) massively improved: the Mona-Ryuji fight, and the Ryuji scene at the end of Shido’s palace. I’ll go into more detail on how after some other stuff under the cut.

Cons 😅

They also threw in some weird extra fanservice moments in the first half, along the lines of generic anime “Ah yes Ann’s ass is talking” moments. Thankfully they seem to drop that in the second... season? half? whatever it is. Basically midway through there’s a new intro and they stop pulling that shit.

Yeah so the animation quality is notttt good, they seem to have been working off Yusuke’s food budget and everything went into making the fight scenes look almost decent. If you watch video essays, this can almost be treated like that; if you have a project to work on it’s nice to have this on to mostly listen to and occasionally look up at. BUT they do some nice stuff with stills, that's how we get things like baby Yusuke and Makoto and Haru, and some extra time of them all actually having fun at Destinyland. ♥

Ren 🙋‍♂️

So our protagonist is both helped and hindered by the medium shift. He does get things to say and I enjoyed that! Overall though he definitely feels less main-character-y with so much else to focus on. He shines in one-on-one scenes, over time you can see him become more comfortable and confident over time, especially once Futaba joins and we get some more time with Sojiro. But in group scenes I honestly tend to forget he's there.

Shippy stuff 💗

You could easily headcanon Ren as ace or gay or just shy. They keep all his relationships platonic and he never really reacts to being flirted with any way except being uncomfortable.

Oh, though if you’re an Akechi or Joker/Akechi fan... yeah just go watch this, trust me.

Most of my Yutaba moments got skipped or cut short, alas but it’s understandable. The real win here was for Ryuann! They're always rushing over to check on each other, and oh man Erica seriously brought it for Ryuji-possibly-died scene. And, speaking of...

Improvements!! 🌟

Mona-Ryuji “fight”: I was dreading getting to this part as I always do, and then... I actually ended up kind of enjoying it?

Part of it was just due to the medium switch, you don't have all that excruciating in-game time as Joker where you're forced to do nothing while something is CLEARLY bugging Morgana. The tighter timeline and focus of the anime does a better job drawing a line directly from the dream/Morgana’s growing insecurities to Morgana lashing out at Ryuji, making it more obvious how much he's projecting.

The game also splits the focus between “The problem is Mona being insecure but also Ryuji’s ego” which muddies things. In the anime, you didn't get everyone crawling up Ryuji's ass about apologizing; Ann could tell Ryuji was worried because they've been friends and she knows him. Ryuji apologizing was his own choice, which put the focus less on “it’s Ryuji’s fault this isn’t getting solved” and more towards dealing with the actual problem of Mona feeling unappreciated. The lesson was more clearly “You weren’t wrong to feel that way, what was wrong was how you handled it,” which made it all hit stronger when everyone came together to be like “hey man we’re sorry we made you feel like that, you absolutely belong here.”

Shido’s palace: They cut the end off!! 🎉🎊🎉 It only showed Ann, Haru, and Futaba crying and yelling at Ryuji, which is fine and believable as them being emotional and worried, cut to Ren, Makoto, and Yusuke watching them, then it ends! Bam, fixed, we’re good.

Conclusion 🎉

So yeah, think of it as supplemental material. If you’re already a Persona 5 fan, I recommend checking it out! If you have a friend who hasn’t played the game... either have them play the game or show them a let’s play or something, don’t use this as an intro, we all know it could be better 😅

[wh3r3sth3l0ve]

Sora x Tifa

Part 16

Part 15 below

Sora went back to the table, excused his new colleagues, left some cash and headed to the exit. Being at the door he made a quick look at Tifa. Their eyes met, she looked confused and worried, but he just nodded at her and walked out.

He decided to go to his place. “You're no match to Cloud, she'll easily choose him if he tries.” the voice came back again. “Piss off!” Sora thought, opening the door. As he stood in the middle of the room he felt completely lost. Should he go to her place and talk about his thoughts or not? It was still quite early, at least two hours till dusk, so he decided to clear his mind by slaying some beasts.

It was getting dark when he was walking back to slums with evidence that would give him money. He collected another 200 gil and back on the street he heard a group of men talking loudly.

- I don't understand why she closed the place this early? - one of them was complaining.

- Not your business. It's her bar and she can close anytime she wants. - the other one was clearly defending Tifa on her decision.

- I know, I know but you know…

The rest of his words disappeared in the distance. “She closed the bar already?” Sora decided to check if everything was fine so he headed to her place.

The moment he approached the door, it opened and he almost bumped into Tifa’s face. She jumped back at the last possible moment and gave him a look that was really hard to describe.

- Why are you here? - he asked.

- I was gonna go to look for you. I was worried, you went out so suddenly.

- Can I come in?

She moved aside, letting him enter.

- Look, Tifa, you don't have to worry every single time I go out alone. I'm a big boy and I can take care of myself. - Sora told impatiently.

- Oh I'm sorry that I'm concerned about you after I've seen you in some tough states. - she was getting angry.

- I got this. - he answered but with little confidence.

She shook her head. “Typical guy, always playing tough.” she thought.

- Why did you leave?

- I… I've had some… reasons.

Now Tifa got really mad.

- If you won't tell me, then leave now.

She turned her back on him and folded her arms. Sora felt helpless.

- Okay, okay, sorry… I, um… I was getting tired of all those jokes and laughing. And Cloud was…

“He was eating her with his eyes.” the voice ended his sentence in his head in a venomous tone.

- Was Cloud acting bad? - she turned back to him, clearly concerned.

- No, it’s just…

Sora didn't know if he was supposed to tell her his mind but it was too late to outplay it.

- Tell me, if Cloud was about to be your boyfriend, would you choose him over me? - he threw these words way too quickly.

Tifa’s eyes widened like never before.

- You're jealous?

“You're weak.”

- No, I'm just… afraid. - he whispered that last word.

“Yes, you're weak as a baby. You're afraid of your own shadow. You're no man at all.” Sora felt he started panicking but tried to show nothing. He felt his heart thudding hard.

She came closer to him and took his face in her palms.

- Sora, look. We have our past, me and Cloud, but it didn't work out. We're friends, nothing more.

“See? They were dating, he was first, he can easily become next!”. 

He crouched holding his face.

- No, no, no… - he was nearly crying.

Tifa knew what to do. She positioned herself in front of him and did the same thing as earlier to calm him down. In no time Sora felt better, his heart was back at normal rhythm, but he was embarrassed that it happened again during the same day.

- Hey, do you know what it's called? They're panic attacks, anxiety.

- Yeah, sure, what else could possibly happen to a loser like me.

- Look, you are not weak. - Tifa said patiently. - You’ve been through a lot, everybody can have a worse time.

Sora sighed deeply and looked away.

- What scares you so much? - she asked softly.

He decided to open up a little. She helped him a lot during these couple of days and she deserved it. Still not looking at her, he said:

- It’s like… a voice in my head. It’s… trying to get me down. It keeps telling me I’m worthless and miserable and that… - he turned his voice down to whisper. - that I don’t deserve you.

- Those are all lies, you are aware of that, right?

- Yeah, right. - his response didn’t sound very confident.

- Let me try to convince you, at least in the case of deserving me.

Tifa took his face in her hands and kissed him. Sora wasn’t sure at first but in a moment he kissed her back. She broke the kiss and whispered into his ear, hugging him:

- There is no one I would choose over you, you hear me? No one.

He cuddled up to her tighter. Tifa continued:

- I’ve been thinking about it for the whole day, whether I’m falling for you or I just feel an urge to help you. I made up my mind: helping you is the way to keep you.

She felt her heart pounding in her chest whilst saying those words. They stayed like this for a long time, saying nothing, enjoying the closeness of their bodies.

Eventually Sora broke the silence.

- Can I ask you something?

- Of course you can, darling.

He smiled to himself, hearing this.

- You’ve called me darling.

- That’s what you are to me, darling. - she stroked his hair.

For a moment he got lost in the meaning of this but he remembered asking a question.

- That song I played in the bar was yours.

- Well, that’s not a question. - she smiled playfully. - But yes, it’s mine.

- It gave me… hope. - a few moments later he asked. - Could you play it for me?

Tifa hesitated for a while before nodding in agreement. She stood up and helped him do the same. They went to the bedroom, where she sat by the piano, cracked her fingers and started playing.

[Now, thanks to the power of the Internet, you can find yourself in that very situation. Just click the link and become Sora himself :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qttJj4ATK1E ]

Sora was in awe watching her being focused on the melody. Somehow she looked even prettier than usual. When finished, she turned over to him with a blush and an embarrassed look on her face.

- That was beautiful, thank you.

[whatswiththisscale]

My ex and ex friends absolutely fucked me up. I probably caused some complications too, I recognise and am not afraid to admit that. But honestly, it was probably the relationship that was fucked up and awful, not both of us. We were just incompatible and had manipulative tendencies.

I don't want to elaborate without a cut so hi!

Anyway

I need love when I'm in a relationship like that. I need reassurance and attention. I need validation. My ex gave me none of that and insisted that I was being a bad person because of my needs. I can be obsessive, but he singled me out and openly admitted that I was his favourite person etc etc etc and said he was obsessive too. He didn't want me hanging out with anyone other than him, his sister, our mutual friend (who he met before either met me, so I naturally had less of a connection and was never quite in the same level, so I felt kinda jealous), and his sister. He said he liked when I was obsessive because it made him feel safe, and that all of my behaviour was absolutely okay.

Then I asked to hold his hand.

Okay! *Two days later* No, don't do that. Why would you do that?

Then I asked to sleep over.

Of course! *One week later* Uh, that's kinda creepy. Ew. No thanks

Then I asked to hug him.

Yes, I love you! *Three hours later* God no, I hate hugs.

He always said he was uncomfortable with being touched at all. But he hugged and did everything else with his sister and our two mutual friends just fine! So why not me?

Am I too clingy? Am I too needy? Am I too obsessive?

Yeah, I was obsessive. But my ex told me it was okay and he loved that about me, then got mad at me for it. Then he told me that's most of why he loved me (that and because we're practically the same person (my initial facade that I put up to make people like me) so we must be soulmates). Then he told me he hated it. Then he gave mixed signals. Etc.

And then that group left me (at school during lunch and then proceeded to go to the mall that weekend (even though they said they cancelled it and nobody could go (they also brought along our mutual ex friend) the day before) and text me a picture and said how toxic I was and how much happier they are without me).

They left me. And believe me, I was super hypervigilant about trying to not be obsessive (while also not throwing myself into a depression, of course). And they left me.

Sure, maybe I stressed out my ex and our (now his) friends. But he never actually communicated with me clearly. And I know he'll never admit or accept that he fucked me up, too.* And I might have hurt some of them more than they hurt me. I'll never know! But a) They used to be in my life, but now they're not and that's all that matters, and b) fate probably just had it planned that we wouldn't end up together. And that's that.

But seriously, you can't know you're abusive unless you learn you probably are in your own time. Also, people who are manipulative or abusive might not be aware of it and you just can't know. They almost never are deliberately causing pain. They just can't see something most people can.

-

*Here's a list of reasons why (tw racism, appropriation of spirituality/culture/religion, abelism, terfs, controlling behaviour, just generally agitating stuff):

He genuinely believed he could turn himself Chinese by mediating and manifesting (he knows I'm a Gaelige Pagan and have been all my life and that I knew that couldn't happen. He would constantly ask if his eyes got slimmer or if he seemed like he lost weight or if his face was rounder) (he learned Chinese just because of that) (he made me get him a kimono too) (he's, like, 75% ethnically British or something, and like some part Scottish (so therefore he's allowed to just take one of my candles and do a love spell between me and some dude who's mean to me who I forced myself to 'like' because internalised homophobia and allonormativity (this was before we were officially together))

He also genuinely believed he could reality shift into any world he wanted (he almost did it!!! /s) where he could be a Chinese K-Pop idol with no mental illness and be with Harry Potter and JK Terfling

AND that you could stay in that other 'desired reality' and eventually your magic spirit twin would take over your body and you could just go back to real life whenever you wanted and you would just pick up where Spirit-Twin left off in your life (like. Click (2006) anybody??)

He ate, like, practically nothing. He was obsessed with being skinny and he would ONLY eat things that were 'healthy' like salad and he went pescatarian because of calories... BUT he swore up down left and right and all around and all the directions that he was only bordering on an eating disorder. He can't have one because, y'know... he's him and he's just so cool I guess??? Idk I tried asking him but his voice was so annoying at that point and he literally just droned on and on about how the mental hospital he ended up in (because he overdosed because his sister got mad at him at the same time we were having our first argument (for context he repeatedly accused me of starting arguments whenever we disagreed) (and if course he started said argument)) said he was bordering on one so they must be right, they're the fucking medical industry (I'm disabled and have an ed, I know for a fact that the medical industry doesn't know shit)

He didn't want me to go to my dream college. He would not let me go to my dream college. He literally seethed at the thought of me going to my dream college. Because his mom didn't like the college

He also said with pride that he had the brain of a 5 year old

He couldn't spell the word important ("Importment? Importmant? Inportment???" I kid you not) and was convinced he would move to London and go to Oxford (partly for the aesthetic of course *eyeroll*)

He believed in the word subliminal shit where you say stuff, speed it up, and put music over it, and you would just get whatever you wanted

He stole character art off of Pinterest, named them after (anime of course because he insisted he could turn Chinese) characters, gave them other characters' personalities, and called it an oc

He constantly compared himself to his 12-year-old sister who is SO skinny it's nur even funny

He thought he was Jewish because he believed in only one god. I am 25% Jewish. I'm 85% sure he knew that. I told him that's not how it works. Wow I must have started a fight. Also he thinks his parents aren't super Christian religious because they only have like 3 Christ quotes/statues/etc per room (including the outside for his dad's house) and only go to church maybe once every two months

So basically, he's a stubborn ignorant bitch <3

But yeah I digress he didn't know!! And I might have, and probably did mess him up too and I'll probably never know!

random, but I think the way people talk about abusers as hypercompetent, calculating manipulators that Know exactly what they're doing makes it easier for people to get into abusive relationships

[soir-rouges-esprit]

#v1.b: Pride, ...and what exactly did that have to do with humbility? "Can't believe I'm gonna say this but... Overthink this why don't yah. Analyze, Evaluate, look here... Knight, Jester, Sword-Maiden, even the Imp, the real friends of new or old... The ones who held on to your crashing plane the longest, all are not humble" Asshole "Get used to it... and I wasn't finished thank you... they're not "humble" because that is a brush that simply doesn't cover them enough, nor should it be seen as an insult either... it isn't that they aren't generous or not worried of being a burden or kind, quite the opposite say in Knights case wouldn't you agree? It's simple, these people are not humble... instead, they are much more developed than that... They Know Their Worth! and they stand tall in their nightmare-filled oceans... their addiction-filled deserts... their chaos-filled storms... they are not humble, and to even paint them that way is to disrespect their very image... for instead... They Assert Their Worth! Their important to the world because without pillars to stand against the rapids that are asshole grifters such as us... we'd walk this damn dirty rock spewing our unfiltered, uninteresting, hate towards the worlds truly undeserving, they all break up the chaotic current... they also change and shape its flow in new and creative ways always so unpredictably, a continuous group of individuals that stand in our path in the best of ways... we need that" I see, and is it you think we have lost said trait? "I do believe this to be the truth yes... unfortunately" It's dangerous though, to walk with worth well known... it leaves no mistakes for who you are, the mystery is lost isn't it? "To whom? Ourselves? Clearly less internal mystery is a good thing for people like us... and how obvious it is to probably the simplest of sinners... truly the interesting part of this journey is going to be how we find the answer to lifes simplest, dullest questions... with brain-numbing complex equations. If there is anything a Red is..." ... It's simply complex... "Exactly. Remember... the world and everyone in it... is secondary, and fighting for Our time, and even it hurts some people... remember, you can't help anyone if your drowning like you were, and if anyone can't handle the heat of your blazing trail... well... they can kick fuckin rocks, let their bridge burn... because they couldn't keep up anyways" ... I see... I lost my no give a shit attitude which used to define me, I stopped asserting my worth and lost the ability to stand tall like all the others, and in that, I confused myself, and lost the ability to take production of my own happiness into my hands. I threw out that part of myself because I thought it was toxic and born of Deformities... but in reality... that part of myself was who I was and throwing it out was one of the biggest mistakes of my life... It was so bad... I nearly drowned in the sea for it. "Again... Exactly. Follow in their great example, with them for them. It's time to make everyone else know they're not the stars of the fuckin show"... Thank you, Pride. I hope we meet again, and thank you for the words and guidance "Likewise. Don't worry Red, if everything goes well... we'll meet again. I wish you the best of luck on your journey, and really hope you're successful in stopping the destruction of the Contract, it'd be the biggest shame if an honest shit-stirrer like us kicked the bucket... Don't get to lost. Goodbye... Red"

[amoristt]

Just a Dare | Nathan Prescott x Reader

@trueloveknifefight asked, Also can I request Nathan asking you out?

here u are! i love writing convos w nathan UGH i adore his character.

as always, replies and reblogs are greatly appreciated1 i check all tags and comments <3

wanna support me for just $3? here's my ko-fi!

The lights were bright, vivid. Almost blinding. They dance LED accents into the reflection of your drink- a dull plastic cup filled to the brim with one part whiskey, zero parts mixer. The taste could bring a tear to your eye but you would be damned to water down such fine alcohol, provided by none other than Nathan Prescott himself.

Music reverberated along the pool rooms walls, laughter and hollers distantly rising with the tempos. Your foot absently tapped to the beat- you were never one for dancing. Never one for parties, either, actually, favoring drinking in the solitude of a small friend group.

If not for Nathan you wouldn't be here at all. Some would say it's a privilege to slip past those heavy doors, entering the dully lit world of the Vortex Club. You mostly just felt like it was all for show. Somehow securing a place among Nathan's friend group, and a good friend at that, it was almost duty to show up. He insisted on it.

So, here you were. Leaning against a wall in a suffocatingly warm, cramped pool room surrounded by a sea of faces you hardly recognized.

That was, until you saw Nathan's face peer through the small break in shifting bodies. You knew him all too well.

Strikingly handsome, equally strikingly pompous. Funny, crude, an absent minded party goer just as much as he was a fireball with racing, incoherent thoughts. A drinker, a druggie. Takes the edge off, he says, but you think he does it to take away his thoughts completely. You felt like his entire life was all edges, never sacred ground.

The poor bastard.

He lures your attention in as he saunters over with squared shoulders, narrowly avoiding spilling his drink when a random student cuts it a little too close. Normally Nathan would make a bigger deal, give him what for, but this time he just shoots the poor kid a menacing glare and grumbles, 'fucking watch it'. He's walking with purpose and intent, you can see it on his face. You must have a target on your forehead as he darts straight over.

When he comes to your side, his own alcohol dripping down the sides of his cup onto his wiry fingers, you raise a brow.

"Something wrong?" You ask, as he takes a spot leaning against the hard wall right next to you.

"Just wondering why you're being so fucking lame over here," He shouts over the music, taking a sip of his drink, grimacing at the taste. "We're all having a good time over at the lounge and you're over here acting like all the other wallflower nobodies."

You roll your eyes with upturning lips. "Maybe I like being a wallflower. I like people watching. I see things no one else does."

"Yeah, okay, fucking weirdo."

"I mean it," You push off the wall and grin. "Look-" You point to a student obviously wasted, drink held high over head while he lets the music take him away. "That guy is clearly trashed- he's having the time of his life. He's gotta be seeing double."

Nathan whistles at his state, taking in the guys goofy smile, half lidded eyes. "I'll bet it's the triplets. I could breathe on him too hard and he'd fall over."

"You should go try it." You tease. He shakes his head and takes another drink.

"Nah, he'll get it himself. Guarantee we'll be dragging him out by his feet by the end of the night." He shrugs. "Or, at least someone will. I sure as fuck ain't staying that long."

You snicker. "What, got a hot date?" Nathan glares at you. "Oh don't tell me," you cup your hands to whisper, a secretive gesture, "homework?"

"Fuck no," He scoffs, and you can just barely see that he's a little more than tipsy now. His pale cheeks dusted with red, the tip of his nose ruby under the harsh lighting. It's also then that you realize he's a little more tense than usual, even despite the drinking. He's standing straight upright, his right hand gripping his cup like a crutch and his left now shoved hastily into his pocket.

He hasn't looked at you dead in the eyes yet.

"So what is it then?" You ask curiously. He shrugs and stares into his cup. You frown. "Bro, are you like, good right now? Do you wanna leave?"

For the first time since he'd wandered over, Nathan looks up at you. His eyes are unreadable, but his composure seems stressed. He shrugs again. Before you can even open your mouth to ask him about his state, he sighs and downs an entire mouthful of burning whiskey. It makes you cringe just watching him.

"Fuck it," He huffs. "Look I got some stupid ass dare to come over here and put the moves on you, okay." He sounds almost annoyed, like it's a hassle for him, or maybe embarrassing. You cross your arms. "I was dared to come over here and try to get you like, to fucking, you know, leave with me, but now that I'm over here I'm starting to think maybe that was a dumbass idea."

"Leave with you?" You say incredulously, a brow already lifting. "You were dared to come over here and try to sleep with me? By our friends?"

"No, no, fuck," Nathan seems agitated now, rushing. "Like a date sorta bullshit. Ask you out." He manages to get it out in almost the worst delivery possible, meanwhile you're just trying to pick out who would put him up to this. Hayden? Victoria?

A laugh forces its way out of you. "Aren't we a little too old for that game?"

Nathan shrugs. "That's what I said but they insisted. Fucking babies. At least make the dare a little more fun than just asking some bitch out. That's like elementary level shit."

Your eyes widen, you scoff. "Excuse me?"

Nathan sputters. "You're not some bitch, I didn't mean to-... Fucks sake, I'm clearly a little drunk right now okay, if you could cut me some fucking slack that'd be awesome."

"Hey man I didn't ask to be a victim of bullying," You tease, and he can't help but laugh. You soften. "Never expected it from you, though of all people. As ironic as that sounds."

"I'm not even bullying you, come on. Don't be a bitch. I even admitted it and everything."

You grin. "Yeah. Gotta say though, I'm a little disappointed."

"Oh what, you wanted to see my moves?" Nathan hums. "You wanted some Prescott action?"

"Shut the hell up." You shove his shoulder, an action that would be a mistake to so many others, but for you, it was welcomed. "I'm disappointed that it was just a dare. I'd probably have said yes if it wasn't. But, oh well."

Nathan doesn't answer for a long moment. First, he stares into his drink, processing. Almost like he hadn't heard that right, or like you were messing with him. It's rare to see Nathan Prescott stunned into a momentary silence. He's thinking, wondering what he should say next. Suspicious that you're just playing with him, hopeful that maybe you aren't.

And, you hadn't been. Truth be told if given the chance you would allow him to take you out for the evening. Show you fancy things, try out something a little more intimate than just laughter and poking fun at classmates together. You enjoyed his presence, looked forward to it at times.

A small part of you had hoped that he felt the same, maybe. Somehow. While grateful that he respected you enough to cut the crap before it even began, you couldn't help but feel a little... Disheartened at the prank. You'd saved your pride by denying him beforehand, but, if it had been genuine...

"So if it wasn't a dare," He began, quietly, barely audible over the booming music overhead. Eyes barely visible in the sea of vibrant lights crashing like waves. "You'd have said yes."

You shrug, trying to play it casual to save your own feelings, just in case. "Probably. I mean, we're already friends. We have fun so it couldn't have been that bad." He nods along to almost every word.

"Well what if we did it anyways." He blurts.

"Did what?"

"Go out tonight. Like, you know ditch this lame ass party and have some real fun."

"You love this lame ass party, and plus," You shake your head in feigned annoyance. "I'm not sleeping with you, Nathan."

He glares at you. "Fucking duh. I'm just saying we can go and hang out somewhere else. This party happens all the fucking time so it's not like we're missing anything."

"But, wouldn't that make me the butt of our friends joke?"

He shrugs. "Fuck em. It was a dumb dare anyways."

"Now it seems like you're trying extra hard to convince me to say yes." You state, and he's frazzled, running lines through his brain to try and save the absolute failure of asking you out. You decide to spare him, take a little leap of faith for yourself. "But, alright. I'm in."

Nathan gapes at you. "You're in?"

"Yeah, why not. I'm not busy right now and if you're not either than," You smile. "Why not. You better wow me though, Prescott. I'm talking a night to remember. Fireworks, dinner by candle light, a serenade. The whole package."

Nathan's eyes light up, but he tries to hide it, rolls those beautiful blues. "Well considering I've had like no fucking time to prepare how about we instead go to the roof and chill out."

You toss the idea around in your head for show. You already knew the answer the moment he asked if you were being serious.

"I mean I guess that would work," You say. "I was looking for fireworks but I suppose that will suffice. Feel free to go tell our buddies their joke may have backfired on them."

Nathan shakes his head. "Nah, don't even bother. They're all drunk and probably don't even remember daring me in the first place."

"Alright then," You push yourself off the wall, feeling your cheeks warm. A flutter takes wing in the base of your chest, your heart picking up just a little faster. You can't stop the smile that graces you as you say, "Lead the way, Prescott."

Nathan does lead the way. He takes your hand into his own, your fingers tracing over his boney knuckles as he drags you through the sea of bodies, out to the school hall and up winding stairs.

You giggle like a child when he struggles to find the correct key on the janitors ring he'd snatched weeks ago just in case, tease him when he almost spills his drink all over himself. Nathan's hands are almost shaking, but you chalk it up to the alcohol. You chalk everything up to the alcohol- his trembling fingers, his red face, a shy, albeit goofy smile resting upon his lovely, angular face.

The night was cool and crisp, a stark contrast to the smoldering heat of the Vortex Party.

He looks amazing out under the stars, and underneath the scope of the vast, black sky dotted with trillions of perfect, twinkling lights, you feel at peace.

Looking at him, you feel like this may be the start of something you'd denied yourself the chance of ever even imagining.

Out there, alone but together, hearing the echoes of music mixed with the livelihood of crickets in the darkness...

it truly was a night to remember.

-----------

Days later, you sit atop your desk, feet tapping rhythmically on your chair, typing away at your phone.

"Love the top," A familiar voice pipes, and you glace up to find Victoria standing before you, books pressed to her chest. She takes in your shirt, a nicely fitted long sleeve with a rather low cut v-neck. "Why haven't I see that one before?"

You shrug and set your phone down. "Never got around to wearing it I guess. Not a big fan of V-necks."

"It fits you," She sets her books down at the table beside you and brushes a hand through her hair, making sure every strand is in line. "I'll have to get one myself."

"You know what, you can have it after today," You say, and she perks up in disbelief. "As a thank you for what happened at the party."

That disbelief soon turned to confusion. "...Meaning?"

"Y'know, making Nathan ask me out. He made a whole huge deal about it- said you guys were drinking and playing Truth or Dare of all things. Gotta say, I was a little surprised."

Victoria's brows knit. "We hardly drank at that party, and I wouldn't be caught dead playing Truth or Dare. That game is for kids."

It almost knocks the wind out of you.

They hadn't even been playing in the first place.

As the teacher walks into the room, the first period bell blaring annoyingly over the speakers, you climb off your desk and prepare for the day, hardly able to contain yourself. It hadn't been a dare, after all.

And, you and Nathan's official second date was merely a day away.

[tobias-fell]

For the book rec ask game I'm just going to make up my own

An enjoyable book with a satisfying ending, captivating characters, a focus on platonic relationships that brings so many emotions and a ton of excitement, altogether leaving you feeling very impacted and/or really good.

Does it exist

here on this blog we spread V.E. Schwab propaganda 24/7, so yes, it does! This Savage Song might be what you want.

This Savage Song is about August, a monster who wants to be more like a human, and Kate, a human who wants to be more like a monster. After Kate is attacked in school by people who clearly wanted to frame August, they work together to try and figure out what's going on. Admittedly the ending isn't 100% satisfying in the sense you have no more questions, because it DOES have a sequel (Our Dark Duet, I haven't read it yet) but it's very... right. It feels right, and it leaves you sure there's going to be a hell of an adventure in the future. It's definitely exciting and impactful. The characters are captivating, too, with how they foil each other and how they fit into this fucked up world.

ALSO. the book is about the dangers of violence, how violence has a huge and real impact on things, necessary violence is still violent, etc, which I think is a theme you would really like. (Monsters are born because of violent acts, actually. It's part of August's struggle--how can he be good when he was created from something horrid?)

Oh also! Loveless by Alice Oseman may be exactly what you're looking for, actually. If you couldn't guess by the title... it is not a super romantic book lol. It's about Georgia, a girl who's always loved love and desperately wants to find a romance of her own... so when she realizes she's aroace, she's never actually wanted or liked romance that's not in a book, she doesn't quite know what to do. And when her friend group--perhaps her most important thing--starts to fall apart, she's scared she'll be left with nothing.

There is a HUGE focus on platonic relationships. How they're treated as lesser, how they can still be so important, how friendship is a beautiful and complex thing you've got to put work into, that kind of thing. It's not just limited to the aros, either; a fully alloromantic character declares Georgia to be her "special person", letting the idea that romance is most important be damned.

It gave me So Many emotions, some specifically from being aspec but others just because it's rlly good, and i felt very happy and warm inside when i finished it. The characters are wonderful too, especially Rooney and Georgia.