#if thats what happens then ill have to kill myself basically

[snapcracklepop-myjoints]

"I found a paper that talks about the same thing I'm writing about which means I'm not completely unhinged and drawing wholly unfounded conclusions"

vs

"Someone already published a paper on this which means I'm unoriginal my work is derivative this paper is useless and I'm never gonna make it"

Fight !!!!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[arolesbianism]

Alright I cracked and made a playlist for my very early stage concepts for an oni role swap au time to give Jackie some more songs that make her look just oh so pathetic (because she is)

[glisterdemon]

Procrastination kills me lol I had the drawing finished just was a little lazy to write a big paragraph

Again, because I like to do this to myself, I'm gonna ramble about the og quest Cuphead and what I didnt like/ What I changed :>

Enjoy Will talk briefly about Death, Alcohol and gambling abuse soooo ye. It's at the end though.

Like I said in Mugs I dont think that the cup bros will join Bandy, Boris and Felix on the quest. Now on to the og... yay... First of all in the original it seemed like the og was only for the purpose for shipping. Which I dont want. So that won't happen. Now I didn't write a lot on what I didn't like but this man is not perfect in any way but one thing that I found interesting and kept is the manipulative nature of him. Because he is a villain I just wanted him to have no pleasant qualities. Even to the extent that he is not the greatest to his own little brother. Basically he has a kill or be killed mentality. I kept his age the same and even his outfit. If I remember I said I was gonna talk about Elder Kettle. To be fully honest I kinda forgor ._. ANYWAY Elder Kettle was Cupheads and Mugmans only kind of father figure/ parent. Childhood wise Cup would be your typical trouble child as Mug was more skittish. I would think that once Elder Kettle passes, most likely of old age, Cup does not take it lightly. He goes to alcohol and gambling (you can see where this is going). So like in the original it was said that the Ink illness was caused/ brought back by Cup gambling and losing. I'm not sure how to plan this. I don't know if I wanna keep that or like Cup and Mug find an ancient cave in the Casino or something. Thats all I can think of at this moment of writing this. If you do read this and you have questions feel free to ask so I can think about it and better explain it. Should I make a different blog making a Reimagining of qftim... IDK :> Let me know in the comments or somethin I've never done an ask blog type thing so tips will be appreciated. I wanna do my own ask blog type thing in the future so ye! Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk

[stovetoast]

pillow tpot headcanons (long ramble expanding on the ocd part under the cut)

ok so first warning: i am not a psychiatrist. this isnt a super educated essay on ocd, just me projecting my lived experience onto an object show character. this is just an observation. if i get something wrong feel free to correct me, ill add it here. (its also worth noting i am self diagnosed. not "quick google search" self dx though, ive gone over it with a therapist and everything)

and that leads into the second warning: this ramble will get a tad bit personal sorryyyy

and finally the third warning: i put she/it on the ref but im just using she/her for simplicity (+ i forgot LOL(

anyway so yeah i think that pillow has ocd and is basically the embodiment of "letting intrusive thoughts win" except like. actually. this headcanon didnt stem from the killing or the strange impulses though, i think she has it because of her fixation on good and bad luck in tpot 10.

for me it manifests in a few different ways. my main one is counting—i have good luck numbers and bad luck numbers. i need to take a specific number of snacks every time i have a bowl of them. i have to shake medicine bottles a certain amount of times before taking them. i am always counting the "syllables" of whatever im doing, and it always has to land on a multiple/factor of my lucky number. and if i break any of this, i (generally, if i cant convince myself its fine or if i dont notice) have to count to my lucky number otherwise something bad will happen. hell, i added more flags to this ref because the number of them was my unlucky number.

i have a few other things that affect it that are completely unrelated to counting, though. like a particularly bad one is that i straight up cant wear certain articles or clothing anymore because theyre bad luck. or my ungodly long night routine (which is probably more of an autism thing tbh. but certain parts of it are absolutely influenced by the ocd, like having to say goodnight to my dog).

that ^^ is what i saw in pillow. she was distraught that her team lost in 9, because not only did she think she was doing the challenge right, but killing people (bringing death) was good luck for her.

i think her killing people was a compulsion, and her whole thing in 10 was her scrambling to find a new one after that stopped working.

and before anyone tries to be all like "oh thats fucked up why would they portray ocd like that," one: i dont think this was on purpose this was just an observation, two: i mean..... fuck dude if i lived in a world where revival was incredibly accessible and one of my compulsions were to kill people, id do the same thing. death is fairly normal in bfdi, to the point everyone literally has a kill count on the fandom wiki (hers is 13 as of tpot 11 btw, a commonly unlucky number ironically enough. if she gets eliminated in 12 with an unlucky kill count thatd be so funny). once they get past the pain, its. really just an inconvenience to them.

when it comes to ocd, you. HAVE to do these things. its not a choice until you can get some outside help with it, and oftentimes its an inconvenience to those around you. i dont think its right for her to be going around killing her team, but when i get past the fact that is literally what made her my favorite, i get where shes coming from. shes trying to help in a way she "knows" will work.

or maybe shes just silly idk

[starwikia]

suicide cw

look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am. 

ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.

this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.

He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!

you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.

it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions. 

what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT. 

am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!

yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).

The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.

[ryuatewater]

what happened why is there mass genocide of anons???

glad im not anon

wait-

-📟

Well its from the anonverse uh ill explain it all wait

Okay so you know @/a-narcissists-warren right?

Funny thing they have their asks open and answer non question like stuff (basically just talking)

Well my friend started talking to them in anon while also adding an anon sign off so Afonso could recognize em (they used the 💽🎞 emoji combo)

And Afonso always* drew a little doodle when answering them, they even drew the anons and gave them unique designs based off their emojis

When I saw my friend talking to Afonso (who is literally my idol) I ofcourse wanted to do it too so I sent in a few asks (one or two asks really because i was nervous and shy) ALSO using an anon sign off (though i got the short end of the stick because my anon sign off had stuff to do with trees my lil guy was a tree too)

Then new anons started appearing so Afonso started drawing them designs too

People REALLY loved the designs and everything was going jolly

Then Notepad anon made an account for their anonsona

Everyone LOVED the idea and started making accounts too

The anons were interacting with eachother, drawing eachother fanart, blah blah blah everything was so fun and jolly!!

Heres the most recent pic i have of the anons btw

BTW THIS IS DRAWN BY @a-narcissists-warren SORRY FOR THE TAG

BUT there was a certain anon (I've seen a few names used for them like funny, odd, creepy but most common was silly anon so ill just call em that) silly anon had an account way before they started sending asks to Afonso

I wasnt there to see it myself but from what ive heard Silly Anon is canonically a child, back when the account first started people sent "asks" to silly anon just brutally murdering them woth gory descriptions that i wont be talking about now, this of course affected the child a lot and the kid grew up to be extremely violent (they were canonically 7 years old when they started sending asks to Afonso i believe) they also closed their own ask box because they were scared of getting hurt again

Silly anon would brutally kill people if not given enough candy (they of course loved candy bc theyre a literal child) so there was a full on massacre that happened because silly hadnt eaten enough candy to calm down

I believe it was here when we learned of a power Afonso had, they could draw in the air with their finger and anything they drew became real! But if they drew too much theyd experience a burn out where their hand was literally burnt and they couldnt draw properly

So Afonso started drawing candy for silly anon and when they couldnt draw because of a burn out they went and bought some for them

Afonso also tried to treat silly well and made them feel welcome (acting like a parental figure in my opinion)

So silly started trusting Afonso

Afonso drew all the dead people back to life and everything was alright again

Timeskip to when sillys canonical birthday came, they were turning 8 years old, they made a post about it and tagged every anon, everyone gave silly candy and sweets!! It was going so well until ONE ANONYMOUS ASSHOLE stabbed silly anon, silly healed quickly but was enraged, seeing red even, the ask box closed back up and silly went on another rampage literally killing EVERY ANON THERE IS and they were killing these anons using methods people ued on them, making the anons live trough sillys trauma

Okay so every anon was dead, Afonso was outside while all this was happening so when they came back they were horrified, every anon was dead and silly was so mad they even wanted to kill Afonso but Afonso started crying about how they couldnt make silly feel better, become a better person and theyve done all that they could

Silly dropped their weapon and hugged Afonso falling asleep on their shoulder because they were exhausted from all that killing, they breathed out a white gas from their mouth recovering every anon thats body was still intact and not turned into a pile of gore

Afonso drew all the other people back to life so now every anon is back EXCEPT ONE, 💽🎞 anon (who we like to call dvd anon), dvd anon was underground when they got killed so they cant be recovered right now

But every other anon is back

Thats where the story is at right now

Ryu note: if dvd doesnt come back i will cry /halfjoking

[ch3rr13zk1n]

Hello! *pulls a dumbass idea out of my ass from last night*

It was a bit of an excuse to draw my favorite character as a girlboss but uh basically uhhhhhhhhh

gosh even if its mostly a text post i don't wanna embarrass myself

Uhhhh

ill just paste an explanation of what shorts wars is just in case one silly goober that doesn't know shorts wars accidentally finds this post

Shorts wars is a arg made by a bunch of dudes that make shorts and was created because of the clone accounts ( get it?? ) that steal their content. Basically when it started there were different bunch of QR codes that popped up on their shorts and when our scanned them they took you to a video where a guy named The Boss in a unpleasant gradient says that if they don't quit making shorts and rotting people's brains then they will get replaced. While a few listened, The rest didn't. And the other stuff happened blah blah blah. Anyways i also gotta say one of the creators was a guy named Danno and uh he makes shorts (obviously i mean this is fucking shorts wars what do you expect??) and he has a mascot character named Riggy who is a blue rabbit with red shorts, green eyes and a very interesting kill count.

and Preston/Clone Riggy is a clone of Riggy (obviously)

anyways time to bring out the other explanation

Why the fuck are they a girl here

well uh when i thought more about what Preston wants and thinks it sorta gave me the vibes of "possibly transgender" idk why it got that way but i sorta stuck to it as a bit of a headcanon

like idk man he's stuck in a body that looks like the guy he despises cmon man (ALSO THE DAMN NAME CHANGE!!)

of course, I have to note for the sake of not getting canceled by a twitter user that i don't view trans people as evil people. It just happened to be that i sorta headcanoned Preston as transgender because it felt that way to me

though what the fuck do i even know about trans people I'm not even trans

Also theres some deep very complex lore revealed in season 2 go watch a Datchia short or smth

ok cool anyways here's an explanation of the au

Ahem

Prrston feels like he doesn't matter n betrays the boss, After that he becomes the new uh boss or smth of the company

Preston also self reflects and realizes "Wait fuck maybe i don't wanna be a dude" and transitions

Why this story in particular?

because history repeats itself

especially when there's a possibility that someone from that time influenced what happened..

thats it ig

RAAA

(If you don't like this post then don't bother to say anything about it. I was already sorta insecure about this post existifnf)

(seriously i know i pulled this AU out of my ass and it might not really fit but idc man its my thing and i made the au)

(Also you're allowed to have your own headcannons i don't mind as long as it doesn't hurt anyone :3)

[sunnychuuya]

FUCK OKAY SO I SCCIDENTALLY DWLETWD THE OG POST I WAS MAKING ITS FINE THO

What is this it makes me think of the recent bsd chapters lmao

So basically I'm in the temple placing the booms

ASH FUCKING DROPPED A VASE THIS KS WHY K HATE YO UTAGHH

I put em all down- now I have to make it out. I don't believe in myself. My heart is speedy

NEIL AND MAPLE FUCKING DIE TOO GUYS I CANT HAVE ONEBOUNCE OF HAPPY

AhhhhHHH STUPID UGLY BOY THAT I LOVD

"I'll finally be with my Todd again" guys this game sucks booo I'm crying.

ASH GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD FINALLY DO SOMETHING, BUT NOOOO YOU CANR DO IT AND NOW THE CULT IS STILL THRIVINF AND THE WORLDS FONNA END.

SAL COULD KILL LITTERALLY EVERYONE IN THS FUCKING APARTMENTS TO TRY TO STOP THE SPREAD

AND YOU CANT KILL A FEW OF YOUR FRIENDS

I KNOW IT FUCKING SUCKS

BUT IS LIKE

IT HAS TO BE DONE GOD DAMNIT

just got the title screen for memories and dreams mmm ourple

Oh what da fuk

guys I'm. A L I T T L E confused to say the least

"Ugh never mind" great to see after murdering his loved ones and getting excuted hea still the same silly man

Why is this SO FUCKING COOL

LARRYS DAD?!

"I stopped nothing. I died for nothing. I... killed... for nothing." Owie ow ow owie ow ow fucking ow

SAL IS THE CHOSEN ONE

UR A WIZAR-

great a shattered soul

Guys pls I'm so eepy and I'm sure sal is too I mean heblitterally died- can u not make me go hunting for sjit

"There used to be a. Door here.. uhm there it is." Dkkdkd

GIZMO BACKSTORY

I think my eyes just started bleeding st the sudden artsyle change what in the mickey mouse fuckery is this

is that a fucking zelda reference is that fucking beedle (I might be delusional)

Purple thingies

I tried the microwave and TV and tried combining them wtf is the code

*cutely turns to google*

Thats painfully obvious.

WOW RHANKS FOR MAKING MY ENTIRE FUCKING SOUL LEAVE MY BODY JESUS CRHIST

Holy shir ig their making up for the lack of jumpscares last chapter H U H

bro idfk what I'm doin.

OH SBIT WHAT THE FYCK

GUYS I DONT LIKE HOROR

Wow trauma 😀 fuck off henry

AH POLYGYONS

ozohh spinnys again RANDOM BUTTON SMASH GO

the noise is skko aggressive I'm gonna cry

TRINGLE

PNCE AGAIN THE SOLUTION IS RANDOM BUTTON MASH UNTIL SOMWTHING HAPPENS

fcyk wait I might actually get it-

Nvm j don't:(

Fuck dude I got no clue

cutely gives up

Ill figure it out tmmrw I swear

@mypinterestgotbannedsoimherenow

Im eepy tonight so not a ton

[bloodsadx]

a motivational thing i do to myself like a world i choose to live in for myself that has helped me thru a lot of stuff is i like to think of putting myself in the chamber which is where if i socially distance myself from everybody around me and play a gacha game every day and listen to the exact same podcast and 2 albums i can basically force myself thru like 6 months of working on a project or getting something done by sort of doing what they do to birds to make them go to sleep or also what they do to horses to keep horses from killing themselves on various obstacles such as snakes or rocks or rivers but thats only one part of it the other part is the escape which is sometimes i put myself in the chamber too long so i have to simulate breaking out of the chamber by , what happens , is subconsciously , while im doing something else in chamber mode , ill be like, fuck the chamber, and im driving and im like yeah i love driving, and then i drive for like 20 minutes in a random direction, and then after abt 20 minutes of that, or maybe its walking, i take these like 6 to 8 hour walks sometimes, and after like 5 hours of walking, 20 minutes of driving, im like, you know what. i love the chamber. and then i go back to the chamber. so maybe if you do that thats good for you. maybe i will go to heaven

[remcycl333]

hi rem!! 🫶 anon no idea if my previous asks went through cause i sent them a while ago but update on those updates my 3d is changing like surprisingly rapidly 😭 basically since ive been seeing so much about states, the 4d, and your inner man i decided to give it a shot since i used to just ignore that info because it confused me. i realised that i purposefully change states alot anyway thats how ive been shifting into realities where what i want to happen, happens!! i gave it ago the other morning i just sat down and thought about my 4d, gave myself what i wanted there and went on with my day

- since then my parents have been crazy nice to me!! im like the trouble child i used to get yelled at constantly but theyre so lenient with me even when i do something wrong i only get a little scolding, my mum even offered to do my laundry for me and let me put my baby brother to bed (cause she knows i like doing that) literally as im typing this she texted me to say that she'll vacuum my room

- theyve been buying me a bunch of new furniture for my room!! my 4d room is way different and the day that i changed my state they showed me a bunch of cute furniture similar to the stuff i have in my 4d and i got it the next day, today i got 2 big shelfs and my dads picking up a new bed!!

- i was nervous about texting my friends because i thought theyd be upset at me (ive been awol for like 2 weeks) so i pictured my 4d, assured myself that we were all good there and then she told me she WAS mad at me but once i texted her she was surprised that she really wanted to keep talking

- my 16th birthday is coming up and we're driving out to the coast, i wanted to swim w dolphins bc thats a big attraction in the town we're going to but my dads really overprotective and said no. i was rly bummed so i thought about doing something in the ocean for my birthday in my 4d and felt better so i let it go, and then my mum found a snorkelling w seals thing that she got my dad to agree to!!!!

thats all for now im about to go look for birthday outfits cause ive already found the perfect one in my 4d and ik ill find it in my 3d 🤷‍♀️ anyways ur the best again what would i do without ur blog rem ly 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

omg!!! you're absolutely killing it!!! i hope u have the best birthday ever!!! <3

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for almost making someone die?

ok ik thats a lot, so ill try to start at the beginning. i (17nb) have been working with this one environmental organization since it was started when i was 12. ive devoted a lot of time to it n to seeing it grow, n when the group got big enough that we could rly expand to more places than just my country i was actually assigned to be in charge of running things here. i dont do it alone or anything bc i do have help from our real leader (40s m) n the people who run the branches in the 2 other countries we operate in, especially the one whos also been here since the beginning (30s nb), but its still a rly big responsibility n its important for me to b able to focus n not let other things distract me from my job.

a few months back, i thought it mite b nice to make my own account on the social media site where our group has the most presence so i could post abt personal things. i didnt mention my connections though (the stuff we do is kinda a bit illegal). it went rly well, n i ended up talking to this one person (20s f) who was rly nice, n we became friends p quick. the big problem was that she didnt like my group at all bc she was rly mad abt some of the stuff we'd done in her country, so there was kinda a conflict there. but some stuff happened, she ended up finding out who i rly was, n surprisingly she wasnt rly that mad at me? n she promised to keep it a secret, n it kinda went well from there other than it being kinda uncomfortable that she liked me n not what i do.

i mean, it did for a while. eventually though it became rly clear that talking to her was distracting me from my work, so my boss n coworker asked me to cut her off. n it hurt kinda a lot, but i did it. n thats where the story shouldve ended.

then i kinda fucked up. i was feeling rly weird bc of of smth that had just happened, n my boss n coworker weren't able 2 pick up the phone. my other coworker (??? i dont even kno this persons pronouns) isnt rly good w emotional stuff, but that was the last person i had to contact for support. n that person wasnt there either.

n i kno it was a mistake. i kno i shouldnt have done it. but i was kinda desperate for someone to talk to, n i ended up calling the friend id cut off even though i knew i wasnt supposed to. n she answered, n we talked. n i tried to go back to normal after that, but she started texting me again, n eventually i broke n answered her.

fast forward to today, n i just found out that my coworker had to try to kill my friend bc i couldnt control myself w her. the person who told me says it wasnt my fault, but if id just been able to resist the temptation to contact her again there wouldnt have been any messages for them to see in the first place. n on top of that, i kno that caring abt ppl too much makes them die, n i still let myself make that connection w her in the first place.

i mean, i think its p clear im the asshole here. basically the whole posts just been stuff i did wrong. but i kinda want to get confirmation, just so i dont have to keep thinking abt the thing the person who gave me the news said.

[unicornsaures]

urrrhhhhhvggggg i try not to make vent posts a whole ton but alas, ya girl is not doing so hot

tw// sh😁

guys do not do what i did and like. purposely trigger yourself with your own sh from a year ago because oh my god in. its. i feel so absolutely fake my scars were so much worse last year and now theyre just gone and i thought i was fully recovered its bren a year and. and im still crying over it and i thought i was done crying over it. I thought i was done crying over literal scars and i was. i mean i thought i was exaggerating when i said the closrr i get to the date ill br one year clean its getting worse and. nope! no, no that checks out!!

Its all my fault i got triggered in the first placr too. I knew what i had in my eyes only wnd i knew that checking it would only make me spiral and here i am just. crying over it. its sending me back to last year where its i just its only oj my hod i csnt be doing this again i really csnt be doingthis again ive bren doing so well and then. and i dont want to i really dont but im still tjinking about it and im still telling myself i want to but i dont i never did i always wanted to say ive been 1 year clean but i dont think ill rver even be able to make it to that point if i keeo self sabotaging like this. i mean t barely even counts ive basically just replaced cvtting with eevry other unhealthy coping mechanism under the sun but i should be better than this i shouldnt rven be thinking sbout it i shouldnt even be thinking that i can go back i shoulfny be in this situation at all and if it werent for me i wouldnt even be in this situation in the first placr ebcause i dont know how to keep myself away from tjings that i really need to stay away from

i really shouldnt be caught ip on this but its. i was. i was thinking aboht whag would happen if i would look back on photots earlier and and i knew i wouldnt be okay with it i knew i would snap the moment i did and wow its almost like forced recov only made me feel guilty for it and ohmygod kill me now i should be better than this i should be better than thjs ive had crisis called so many times ive been threatened by my parents for this so many times im worrying eveyrone around me and im only getting worse and everyone has to wastch me spiral but they cant do anything because im jsut too fucking oblivious to my own issues but im just too scared to readh out to anyone because how am i gonna say that i triggered myself without sounding like i planend this i didnt i swear i didnt plan to break down over this i promise i didnt mean for it i didnt want to cry over it i dont want to think abiut it anf i dont want to go back ive been doing sowell i swear im just worrying rveryone i dont want everyone to start checking in on mr in the morning just to make sure im still alive i font want people to messagr me in the middle of the night to make sure im not dead im so sorry ik so sorry

im just as tired as i was last year the only difference is thst im not actively trying to kill myself over it even if i really. wiuld like to thats besides the point the point is im just as weak of a girl as i was last year but last year i could at least hanfle pain now i just fucking snap whenever someone raises their voice or whenever i get. acut i break down and whenever i get hurt it only reminds me of the past 4 years that ive spent doing nothing but putting myself through mental hell and im realizing tbat ill never get begger i cant get better ive bren trying and i just csnt

i cant do it ive tried ive been trying why am i not getting anywhere why am i still stuck on the thought of sh i shouldnt be thinking about it i shouldnt miss it i shouldnt be upset that my scars are faded i shouldnt still have the ideas and images swirling aorund in my head because theyre always there and ill always have these scars and ill always br fucked ip and i wont ever be able to fix it ive had so many people worry and theyre worrying and worrying and i just dont care im such a horrible person i

i shiuldvr stopped for my parents they had to skin check me dsily for almodt a year straight and here i am just fucking itching to go grab something, literally anything just to go back and in so stupid im so stupid i did this to myself and im still being a pussy about it i shouldnt be thinming abiut it i shouldnt be crying over it whats wrong withme

[cantarella-s]

who’s bianca conchita

OKAY OKAY SO. HAVE YOU LISTENED TO DAUGHTER OF EVIL AND SERVANT OF EVIL? (PERHAPS REGRET MESSAGE TOO?)

BANICA IS FROM THE SAME UNIVERSE! I'll try to be brief here but since i dont trust myself ill put the rest under a cut <3

Content warning for a lot. And I mean a lot of Cannibalism. also mentions of weight. and eating stuff that really shouldn't be eaten

Evillious chronicles is based around the 7 deadly sins (lust, gluttony, pride, sloth, envy, greed, wrath) (the order i put those in is important i promise)

Rilliane's (The Rin from daughter of evil-servant of evil-regret message) (theres more songs to that arc but those are the most popular and. personally not a big fan of twiright prank sorry </3) arc is pride arc!

But today we'll be talking abt Banica, whose arc is gluttony. She's a Meiko module(? i think thats the word) and therefore very pretty <3

She has two songs as far as I remember, first of which takes place during Gluttony arc [Evil Food Eater Conchita] and the second of which takes place after in the. Limbo areas tbh I don't understand how the court and graveyard work </3 but this second song is called Master of the Graveyard

Only one other song from Gluttony arc is coming to mind [Drug of Gold] but i think there are a few more that are somewhat related? Like Hänsel and Gretel's songs mention their incarnations as Arte and Pollo

So! Now that that's out of the way, I'll start explaining her story to the best of my ability (<- went through evillious wikis religiously last year) (sorry vany if you're seeing this i went a little insane back then)

It starts off with people celebrating Banica's birth (she's a future duke! unless im misremembering she got the title of duke and not duchess) with a feast! But the baemu pig they ate happened to have the glass of conchita (vessel for gluttony) in it's system and ended up giving everyone that ate it The Disease™.

this disease (its called Gula) kills them if theyre not full all the time. so they end up eating a lot of fucked up shit (iirc cardboard was on that list?)

banica didnt have gula but her mom still made her eat the same portions as everyone else AND THEN BASICALLY EVERYONE DIES. at some point banica's mom tries eating the corpse of a dead servant when her dad shot her mom.

after the death of her mom banica locked herself up in the food storage basement thing of her mansion :( but a little while later two twin servants appeared, arte and pollo! (they are reincarnations of hänsel and gretel. basically the kind of people that rilliane and allen were supposed to be) she became close friends w the twins and stayed w them basically all the time <3

basically arte and pollo were introduced to banica by her dad or some other surviving servant. timeskip a lil and she's engaged to this guy called Carlos Marlon who's a prince. they spoke and she did make a good impression on his parents! yay!

and i dont rmb how true this is, but i do think i read somewhere that carlos commented on her being overweight? sorry i wasnt nearly as fixated on gluttony arc as some of the other arcs

over a bunch of months, they became close and warmed up to the idea of marriage. but like during this time she ate less than usual bc she was afraid carlos would dislike her if he found out what she was like

then another feast. but there was a wine glass. this brought all of banica's trauma relating to the glass of conchita back and she became fixated on the left overs before eating all the food on the table. this then led to her engagement getting cancelled :(

after her engagement was cancelled, she went back to the mansion and she decided to immerse herself in food and food culture. she gained the title of a gourmand in her country, beelzenia! (im p sure its based of spain :3)

she travelled to several other countries (arte and pollo in tow bc ofc <3) to improve beelzenia's food culture! girlboss! she learned abt many famous chefs, one of which was josef crim. unfortunately he's dead :(

copy pasting the next para from the wiki -

' Supported by Juno, Banica introduced her ideas to Beelzenia, greatly improving its food culture and adding to its cuisine, radically increasing the domestic foods in the empire as a result. During this period she began developing a new wine, dubbed "Blood Grave", with the cooperation of the local farmers. '

so yeah! things are going great for banica! she even got the formal title of "Noble Gourmand Banica" (gourmand from before was probably more of a nickname)

and then her dad died

sorry queen </3 just like when her engagement was broken off, she found solace in food. around this time is when she got the title of duke. she traveled some more bc she was still grieving her dad when she got the news that one of her loyal servants, Ron, went missing.

but she collapsed when she went back bc of organ abnormalities. when she got checked out by her doctor, they concluded it was bc of her overeating.

but arte and pollo, loyal servants as they are, had been keeping the glass of conchita (that housed the demon of gluttony) with them! and since their master might die soon, they decided it was the perfect time to use it. they kept it by her bedside and the demon started talking to banica.

it told her abt how she'd only eaten half of the world's food and theres sooo much more for her to consume <3<3 she should totally make a contract with it! she wouldnt die if she made the contract + she'd get to eat more and more of the food this beautiful world has to offer

she initially declined bc yknow all of that stuff happened that happened when she was young? she knows that her mom and the other servants died bc of the demon (or more specifically the disease which was caused by the demon)

the demon left but kept the wine glass and said that if she drank from it, the contract would be sealed. -> "The next morning she awoke and saw the glass, realizing it was full of baemu blood when smelling it. Consumed by her curiosity, Banica drank after minimal hesitation, making the contract." [copy pasted from the wiki]

after making the contract, she 'miraculously' made a full recovery! she also became thinner. with her new abilities, she decided to try eating stuff she's never tried.

she held a banquet with her, the duke, as the host. at the end, she asked her servants to bring dessert which included live insects and spiders. [sorry banica but thats kinda gross </3] the audience she had was pretty disgusted but she had fun at least?

some time passed after the banquet and she decided she wouldn't leave the mansion anymore and have arte and pollo manage the estate and her territories. she did it on accounts of her organ abnormalities :3

after denouncing the outside world she used the demon's powers to reanimate the dead bc yes! she reanimated the servants and created an undead army to guard her mansion. she also reanimated livestock to serve as her meals.

after that point she began hiring a bunch of chefs to make her food but she was always irritated at them bc they were disgusted by her appetite. so of course, she had arte and pollo kill and then cook them so she could eat their corpses. girl moment fr

after getting rid of one guy, she hired Josef Crim. but you might be wondering, isnt josef dead??? well. thats not josef. thats Carlos. her former fiance. so at one point she gets drunk and they fuck 👍 she's pregnant now

oh yeah the imperial family's kept sending letters to her but she ignored them like spam callers. so they sent an army! but she has an undead army WOOOOOO!! Carlos-Josef recognized Ron (guy from earlier) and banica told him how she now wants to devour the world <3

carlos was scared so he tried to escape. banica sent arte and pollo to catch him and he gave the excuse of trying to take a vacation but. he's not allowed vacations <3 banica is niceys tho so she didnt have him killed. yet.

a few days later, carlos served her poison soup (that he'd eat together bc dying together is pretty romantic. carlos really was onto smthn there) but she is a demon contractor and cannot die unless its at the hands of another contractor or vessel so. Only carlos died. a shame, really.

banica figured out what happened so since he's already dead, might as well have arte and pollo cook him. nothing like eating your lover <3

fast forward a few months, her baby is born! woooo!!! i dont really rmb what happens next but she does end up eating arte and pollo. in the words of leo, Oh kaito we're really in it now

banica ran out of food and servants. and since she's a contractor of gluttony, she's still hungry. fuck. oh shit her baby's crying. hey. the baby is food, right? she can eat that, right?

so she took a plate out and put the baby on it.

and she was going to eat it but after seeing the kid's face, she decided not to bc thats her kid.

the demon doesnt like that very much and tells her that hey, actually, yknow that poison that guy fed you? yeah it's actually one of the few things that *can* kill you and is actually do it!

basically the poison was shavings of the vessel of wrath (the golden key. hence. drug of gold) and it def can kill her. not sure if it would work as slowly as the demon is claiming, but it would most definitely kill her in larger amounts. and she ate carlos who also had a dose of the poison in him.

the demon said the kid is a 'vaccine' for that (bro thats. Not how vaccines work at all) but she still refused to eat her child. she began to see the demon take shape in her mind and it looks like a baemu pig with bat wings. yeah. sounds horrifyingly disgusting.

so she ate herself! wahoo <3 copy pasting the wiki again

' Exploiting her contract, Banica's consumption of her body allowed her to become a demon herself; gaining all of the demon's knowledge and power. '

so thats technically the end of gluttony arc but she does have more to her story (from Master of the Graveyard and i think a few other songs?) but i dont rmb most of that sorry </3

if you actually managed to read all of that. damn Thank you

[pnjrnk]

may i propose: chad virgin christophe. like, hes never gotten laid or even kissed bc he just does not have the time or energy for that bullshit. hes busy killing people and making bank, why would he waste his time with such temporary and pointless pleasures? dont even get him started on relationships. he sees a couple and thinks, imagine how much they could be accomplishing if they werent wasting their time doing useless shit like kissing and having sex. he says so to gregory, who rolls his eyes and internally kicks himself for falling in love with someone who thinks romance is pointless and dumb lmao

i just feel like, based on what we saw in the movie, he really values time and tries to do the most with his. ALSO i am a self indulging bitch and i love the “character who thinks romance is pointless and dumb falls in love and has a crisis trying to figure out wtf is going on” trope 😭 like, getting pissed at gregory and blowing up at him like “YOU FUCKING DICKHOLE WHY DO I WANT TO HUG YOU I HATE YOU SO MUCH AND I WANT TO KISS YOU WHAT BLACK MAGIC IS THIS SHIT I HATE MYSELF”

below the cut is where i get kind of off topic and its basically my stream of consciousness for a little :’) its my blog ill force my thoughts onto you if i want 😤 u signed up for this ok

oh my god i read a fic on ffn that was similar to that except it was fucking insane bc christophe becomes convinced that gregory is an angel sent by god to fuck with him, and as i was reading it i thought “oh by the end of the story hes gonna realize that thats not actually whats going on and he just loves gregory, very cute” BUT THAS NOT WHAT HAPPENS HE JUST. IS FUCKING DELUSIONAL AND GREGORY ENDS UP HAVING TO PLAY ALONG TO PLACATE CHRISTOPHE AND THATS THE END???? my jaw was on the floor by the end of that, like oh my god did i just read a fic where christophe goes progressively insane.? so maybe i dont like when its THAT extreme,,,,i tried to find the link but i couldnt find it in my first search and i didnt want to put in more effort to find it lol.

ALSO would anyone be interested in reading very short gregstophe drabbles ive written? like theyre REALLY short so idk if theyre even worth posting? also they. suck? i know that as gregstophe fans we are desperate for new content so im offering but like, are we THAT desperate LMAOOO

[hi-im-erick-and-this-is-my-story]

The three generations ep 1 s2

The next day Erick opened his door to a worried group of three souleaters one eaten soul and a tied up Henry laid against his wall.

Max- Help. We think Henry might be sick and we think he has the worst illnes in this world

Erick- What happened? Why is he tied up?

Max- Yesterday after the visit to you we went by a swamp, when we got back home, as we entered the mansion he just passed out, and today after his rest when Mike came to check on him Henry attacked Mike. We then tied him up and checked his skin and just look at his arm it's covered with hollow spots

Erick- … Kings rot

Max- We think so.

Erick- Oh god. Alright, alright please come in

The group entered, theodore and mike carried Henry who was trying to bite them and put him on the bed in his past bedroom.Then the group tied him to the bed and proceeded to lock him in the room. Afterwards they got to the dining area and Erick brought with him books about illneses of this world from his room.They then began the search after ten hours Erick finally spoke up.

Erick- I GOT IT!

Max- Really

Erick- yeah we need to make a potion of infinite health it will cure all ills including kings rot.

Max- thats amazing.

Theodore- what do we need?

Erick- we need chipped horn the water of youth the death root nures spider blood hpnotic moshroom and joy candy. any ideas where to find those?

Mike- well those all are six element objects. You know from the seven elements?

Erick- hey yeah, they all represent the kingdoms exept for you guys, for some reason

Theodore- wait but there are only four kingdoms, i mean souleters aren't recognised as a kingdom

Erick- Actually there is one kingdom of a race that went extinct and mother of all so thats all seven elements

Theodore- who is mother of all? and what do you mean extinct race theres nothing like that mentioned in the books i read?

Erick- oh boy this is a long one.All right so basically mother of all is a ghost of Henrys mother she kind of killed herself. And what you need to know is that i am the original creator of this planet

The rest- WHAT???

Erick- yeah, you see i was once floating throughout space and then a god showed herself to me. She offered me the book for the ability of turning into the beast on my own. And i agreed that's why i turn into that thing ever so often. Then using the book i made the planet now named rasvin by the humans. afterwards i created the creatures of this world but i needed to have someone to control them, so i gave the ants sencients and took the goats and made a sentient race based on them and myself, after wards i made you guys you know the souleaters i made you so that there wouldn't be too many creatures living at once.

Max- what happened then

Erick- Then humans learned to travel beyond thier universe and traveled to my planet recognasing it as sutible. They sent a pregnant woman and her husband the womans name was Elisa Thompson and the mans was Mark thompson. They slowly reaserched the planet and then the woman gave birth to twins Henry and his sister. but after henry grew up he left his family, and then met me, he for some reason took my surname after we became friends. but at some point his sister was killed by something during the day and thier mother soon joined her. becoming a ghost called the mother of all and then lost souls started to appear for some reason, and i think the reason was her. And that's the story. But now we need to pack up and get going to get all the ingredients for the potion.

after few minutes that summed up to an hour the group was packed up and leaving and then Erick said this

Erick- All right just so you know there will be someone joining us, a guide if you will, we will get the first item from him

Max- all right i must say a guide would be useful