#if not straight up annoyed every day
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You know, before coming to the United States, I had always wondered why there was a ~3 year lifespan difference between Americans and Canadians. (Very approx. 78 vs 81 years old, they’re a bit different now as this was was nearly a decade ago)
And then I moved here.
Yeah uhhh quick question:
How the fuck are Americans even alive?!
#im sorry I keep hearing the dead horse#but i am constantly and genuinely impressed by your abilities to exist in a perpetual state of#*incoherent screaming*#except very quietly and reservedly#if not straight up annoyed every day#maybe I’m just describing adulthood
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Breaking news: Neighborhood dog enjoys a peaceful summer night's sleep under the stars <3
Snoopy #15
16/10/2024
#peanuts#snoopy#art#15#doghouse#it's not summer for me i just miss summertime as always#i love making art that looks like shit. straight up horrible.#<- that's not sarcasm#it is an important part of the art ecosystem. plus i had fun and was myself!#none of those stars are passable LMAO#this has been another 'thank god this blog isn't called onegoodsnoopyaday' type of night#snoopy homework can be kind of annoying bc every day it's like this Task that i have to do but at the same time#it's very freeing to have an 'oh this is bad but i'll have another chance at making a better drawing tomorrow' mindset every single day#(and then i rarely actually do a better one lol) (i have poor time management skills) (so it's usually a rush job at the end of the day)#but the important thing is that every tomorrow is always an OPPORTUNITY for improvement even if i do not take the opportunity
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head hurty
#was up so fucking late last night stressed out of my mind#cause it turns out all the stress and sacrifices i made for the foundational course i took??#all for fucking nothing#''the waitlist hasn't moved.'' yeah cause y'all brought in way more foundations students#than u actually had the diploma course space for#and like. theres nothing else i can fucking do.#if i try to get into a university i'd have to do something like a foundations course all over again#and have to do a bunch of shit i have no interest/talent in in order to get to the stuff i DO have interest/talent in#which is just fucking stupid. why the fuck is it set up like that.#if i'm trying to get into a uni creative writing course why the FUCK do i need to take SCIENCE#and i can't do online courses that are just writing. cause i can't fucking FOCUS in an online course#and any other course i might be interested in are in schools that are too damn far away and that i cant afford#so basically. i can do fucking nothing.#but once i tell my parents that the waitlist hasn't moved and that im definitely not gonna make it in#they're going to start HOUNDING me. even more than they already constantly do#im gonna have to sit through 3 hours of them yelling at me to ''stop pretending to be an idiot'#and to ''pull my life together''#and that ''everyone has to do stuff they don't like sometimes''#(yeah well my brain doesn't work like that. if i dont like the subject of the course i literally CAN'T LEARN)#(i will just straight up not retain any of the information and just be annoyed and stressed and upset the whole time)#and my parents will tell me im gonna end up living under a bridge for the thousandth time#and then they'll threaten to kick me out of the house/take away my internet for the millionth time#and then this will happen every day until i get into SOMETHING
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ahhhhhhhh guess who made the mistake of getting a haircut
#i was planning on growing it out for real i swear#but then the back of my hair got to that length (like it always does) where it starts touching the back of my neck wrong and i cant stand it#so i figured I'd juuuuuust get a trim maybe only the back so it wouldn't keep bugging me#and it started off pretty good too she was doing well with everything and i liked the way it looked#then she asked me a question with two options. and i answered the question. and she repeated my answer. good enough right?#well i think she maaaay have forgotten my answer in the span of like 2 seconds bc she started cutting SUPER short suddenly#and now my perm is completely gone lol#i think she's used to going a bit shorter so it looks good in like a week when it's grown out a bit#and you don't have to go back for a haircut every 2 weeks#but like. i would rather not hate my reflection (more than usual) for a week or two while it grows out yknow#eurghhhh it's not that bad tbh ive had haircuts where i wanted to kill myself and this is just 'hmm maybe i should wear a hat for a week'#but still. very annoying. and especially so bc i was actually feeling optimistic with where we were going at the start#anyway there's this weird phenomenon that keeps happening where I accidentally get my hair cut too short#then i decide this is going to be the time i finally grow my hair out for real#and after a while the back reaches that length where it starts bothering me again#and ill get a haircut juuust for a trim#then i somehow end up with a bowlcut#it's an emo bowlcut to be clear. so im not super hung up about it bc i still love that haircut for reasons i cannot comprehend#but everybody else seems to go 'ew a bowlcut why' except for the alt queers who go 'omg gender'#which i consider to be one of the biggest compliments i could ever get. and have gotten. seriously that moment will never leave my mind#like having someone that you consider Gender to look at you and say *you're* very gender? my crops have been watered my cattle have been fed#etc etc. anyway this currently has the shape of a bowl cut but it's too short esp on top#so im back in my 'okay im gonna grow it our FOR REAL this time' phase again. as it goes. like fucking sisyphus.#anyway. im gonna be tearing it up in the pit at origami angel tomorrow so if anybody's also going feel free to join me there#just gotta let off some steam. goddammit i knew i should have gone the queer route and just done it myself. in my defense i still had a perm#and i didn't trust myself to cut curly hair. turns out i shouldn't have trusted the barber either bc she just held it straight out#and chopped right across. and soon the curls were gone and everything was straight. ...that sounds like a metaphor for conversion therapy#'yeah just head into that place by the time you leave you'll be straight'#anyway. sorry for the waterfall of tags if ur still here kudos to you and may you have a wonderful day#mine
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Damn, being in the soul eater fandom literally spoiled me because everyone was so positive when they weren't being normal about things, but I swear you can't go two steps into the dunmeshi tag without seeing dumbass takes and discourse.
Like, the Soul Eater tag would have posts about how Liz is ace and the biggest fights would be about how well Kid would actually do in school if he was accommodated, but with dunmeshi it's like you see 3 posts calling out fan's racism against Toshiro right next to a racially insensitive post about Toshiro wherein an autistic fan projects onto their autistic golden boy Laios and unfairly villifies Toshiro for obviously being a Vile Toxic person for *checks notes* not adoring the autistic golden boy. Like do you hear yourself. Are you capable of consuming a media.
#i only draw this parallel bc soul eater and dunmeshi are So alike in that all the characters are inarguably autistic??#and i mean the SE tag spoiled me every day but the dunmeshi tag is just. lovely yuri and annoying words 😞#btw if anyone for the se fandom still follows me hiiii :3. sorry i fell off lol. i radically changed my personality again ❤#also if anyone from the dunmesh fandom tries arguing abt the toshiro thing in the comments im straight up blocking you#and killing you with a hammer and turning you into a cockroach
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how ive been feeling lately
#my post#my grandmas fridge is probably as old as i am so it basically cant make ice#like. it can but it makes the most pathetic tiny slivers and they come out at a rate of like 1 an hour LOL#so we just use ice cube trays to make ice#and its literally a task that takes all of like 5 minutes tops and ive been doing it pretty much since we moved in over a year ago now#but man doing the same thing over and over again makes me feel so irritated after a while#what do you MEAN the ice cube tray is empty again i just filled it 😭#like a week or 2 ago my grandma popped into my room to say 'the ice cubes are empty can you pls refill them'#and i just straight up groaned. not at her but at the ice cube thing#adulthood is stupid why am i annoyed that i have to do a 5 minute task every few days that does nothing but benefit the household 😑#it does not hurt me it does not have a time limit its very easy and i can listen to a song or 2 while i do it. and yet#ignore me
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does anyone know how to glitch money into existence. need it fast. thankies
#tsg talks#tsg whines#the mic on my headset stopped working and I have no substitute so I've spent all day trying to figure things out#the headphones themselves are fine. they still work perfectly it's just the fucking mic.#and idk what to do everything is so fucking expensive. every mic anyone recommends is expensive as hell.#getting a new headset when mine still technically works is. idk. I'd have to be pretty damn sure they're great#just getting the same model I have right now would be cool but they don't seem very available here anymore#and the model that came after it is apparently just straight up worse#idk it's all so annoying and I wish I didn't have to deal with it!! why did this stupid mic have to stop working!!!!
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Tragic truth of taking care of yourself is that not only is it not glamorous, it also does not even really solve any problems
#im doing soooooo good at taking care of myself#i cant remember the last full meal i missed#i am almost 3 three straight weeks of waking up earlier and working out#i go out for walks#i have made favourite meals and seen friends#have called my parents#and i am by NO MEANS in deep despair#like i AM (as far as i go) doing well#if just feels shitty that doing well doesnt mean feeling happy#im having a bubble bath every day#i got myself some seasonal cranberry gingers#giner ales*#and some ice cream!!!!#but sighhshshshdhdh#i wanna feel happy i wanna feel passionate#like ..... what am i missing?????#(genetic predisposition to not having depression)#(but i want a less annoying answer than that)
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I’m always so fascinated by people’s bad roommate stories. I’m not sure I’ll ever live with someone I haven’t vetted extensively beforehand ever again
#every living situation where i’ve been assigned roommates randomly; i always seem to get one person who is an absolute angel#and 1-2 people who are honestly fucked up#i lived in halls 1 year of undergrad and everyone was kind of equally insane. honestly no one stood out as particularly bad#because everyone was just constantly screaming. i dealt with it by going home most weekends and getting noise cancelling headphones#3rd year of undergrad i lived in a suite which.. honestly was basically an apartment. had a living room/kitchenette; a toilet; a shower room#and 4 bedrooms#one of my roommates i’m still friends with to this day but honestly they were and are kind of a ridiculous person#like they were actively dealing drugs most of the year and their boyfriend was around most of the time and they would bone LOUDLY#and that’s the good roommate. so you can imagine the other two#one of the others.. honestly wasn’t a bad roommate; she was helpful and clean and civil#she was loud as hell though. she used to have attacks of insomnia and decide to rearrange her furniture at 3 in the morning#and we shared a wall. she also had an illegal pet rabbit.#our personalities just didn’t mesh well; like it became clear pretty fast that we were going to spend as little time together as possible#third roommate was loud; rude; annoying and gross. she’d be calling people at 7am just to yell down the phone to them about her problems#i was like who is picking up the phone to this bitch. she also picked up on my homosexual vibes in that way that homophobic straight girls#always seem to have; and was convinced i had a crush on her. and she bought a betta fish (allowed according to dorm rules) and then it died#because she didn’t want to take care of it properly. and she refused to do anything for herself#like she was always breaking shit and leaving it because she didn’t want to email or call maintenance. so then i’d have to do it#because it was always something we specifically shared. like a set of shelves she put a fucking 5lb shampoo bottle on. twice.#in grad school it was almost the same thing. one angel roommate who was kind of messy but otherwise fantastic#she rolled the best joints i have ever seen. and i still miss her cat cali#it was the men that were the problem. one was an international student who left after a month and bothered nobody#like to the point i didn’t notice when he moved out because he was so innocuous#the other two though….. so one of them started hooking up with my favourite roommate and immediately became SUPER annoying#the other one stole shit; left lights on all the time; left fridge and cupboard and freezer doors open; tried to guilt trip me#into giving him my weed; played mariah carey at 2am; never bought a single cleaning product or household item for the collective#unless you told him to…… he was even using my toothpaste at one point. like. sir.#oh and he was always dirtying other people’s dishes and cookware and leaving them in the sink for days. and leaving big chunks of food#in the sink. it was fucking gross#personal
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hey guys. wasnt able to be on tumblr because ivr been busy building this he-man castle grayskull mega construct (knock off lego) set for the past 36 hours. doesnt it look awesome
#The most grueling fucking set ive ever built#i know its not OFFICIAL LEGO but by god you couldve tried a LITTLE bit#for starters#iT DOES NOT FUCKING END. YOU CAN NOT STOP AFTER EACH BAG LIKE WITH LEGO YOU EITHER STOP IN THE MIDDLE FOR NO REASON OR YOU GO UNTIL YOU DIE#(my route)#Like. why#why would you do that#secondly#idk. it was just annoying#it looks awesome from the outside the inside is mid but i like the characters#my mom got it for me like. 2 years ago. Um#Tbf she got it for ME because SHE likes he man (i never liked he man cause every road trip she would play the same he man christmas special#dvd in our dvd player for like hours over and over)#i was a she ra girly. And now im a reboot she ra girly#<- she hates the she ra reboot but thats fiar bc she grew up with the og… she doesnt know true#This is number 2 on my list for worst building experience lego set idc that its not lego#number 1 is the big millenium falcon#number 3 is the titanic#this one is worse than the titanic and i literally worked on that bitch for 6 and a half days straight#That was more enjoyable than this.
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i think my university fucking bit me wtf
#it started last semester or maybe even last year but they infected me with an anxiety that completely rewired my brain#i have general anxiety disorder & i’ve had the occasional ‘something bad is gonna happen’ day where im anxious the whole day for no reason#but then it changed to this like. academic anxiety that got so bad i was like. nauseous all the time throwing up i had to go to a counselor#and now i’m straight up paranoid. like idk maybe i’m not using the word right but i’m convinced every day all my worst fears are gonna—#just happen one after the other. my tumblr will be revealed to my family. my toxic ex will come back into my life—#my money for school is revoked things like that.#because adult life is just so confusing and convoluted and works against people#and my anxiety just goes through this loop of ‘everyone dislikes you/hates you/thinks you’re annoying’ so -> ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’#so -> ‘your life will be irreparably damaged and/or you will die’#the ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’ bit especially gets me because it’s like bitch how!! i follow laws!! i cheat a bit less than the average—#student! any time someone has a concern with like my work performance or something they politely tell me#why do i have the anxiety of a fucking hunted animal over these things!!#i wanna be numb actually i miss that time. it still sucks but at least i don’t make myself sick#things would be so much easier if i was a house spouse who cooked & cleaned (with no kids) & didn’t have a job or go to school#ofc managing a house has its own challenges and i don’t wanna undermine that but ykwim#i want this fuckin eye of sauron off my ass already 🧍#and don’t even get me started on the ‘you have to do this little task in this specific way or else everyone you love will die’ thoughts#that’s a whole other mess#tw vent#rose.txt
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I wish my brain could be fucking normal for once :/
#marquilla#no brain we DONT want to jump off a bridge bc we were mildly inconvenienced.#also feel very 😠 not necessarily mad or annoyed but like a mix in between i guess bc my tv schedule has changed and i don't like change#which makes my brain wanna self destruct and take me with it. like brain you have access to the roku again. shut up.#like it's stupid i know it is! but my brain is also like 🥺👉👈 my my schedule....#and worse of all is the new lineup is every DAY from 12-5 is ONE show. but murder she wrote is on daily for 3 straight hours? 8 on whatever#day murder she wrote is on all day??? like yeah great that cold case is on Thursdays but thats not the same!!! that's not the routine!!#it's supposed to be that i watch covert affairs at 2pm then cold case at 3pm then i half tune info unforgettable at 4 then i switch channels#at 5pm! AUGHHH now im gonna be like oh man what time is it?? idk my fucking non-clock schedule is off so idk#it's like brain can we not be childish? you're supposed to be fully developed and all that shit... can we not??#but also not only is this irritating me but my brain is also 'i wanna jump' over general mood swings and shit#just in general i need my brain to stop being stupid
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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up
#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director#and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production#and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out#but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again#i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately#so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me#i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me#i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added#and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad#anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great#but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else#but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing#and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us#and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing#and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more#especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING#and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented#if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt#i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help#and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh#brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.
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they should!!!!!!! invent!!!!!!!! a my body!!!!!!! that doesn't fucking suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#unrealistic i know#i've been having a certain Issue for months now and it's such a pain#normally it's annoying but today it also started straight up burning#i hate it hereeeeeeee#ik it's likely also a response to stress (along with so many other issues i have that haven't gone away in months)#(even tho for most people they last a few weeks at most. ha. ha. haha.)#but what the fuck am i supposed to do. being stressed is my default state literally the only way for me to lower it is to die#also. bitch all these health issues are causing most of my stress atp !!!!!!! the fuck am i supposed to do abt that!!!!!!!!!#i can't even relieve them for a few days atp i'm so tired. i hate this body in every way possible i really do#vent#ask to tag#feeling like shit. good night
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if i see one more straight woman writing only mlm romances im going to set myself on fire
#girl shut the fuck up you don't know shit#i don't know why is this considered a controversial take#look im not saying that every gay romance book written by straight woman is bad#not at all ive read a lot of them and yrah they are good#but i want queer books that connect with querr people and their experiences#at least withe mine#i guess that's the problem to me#idk im just annoyed because id love to have more queer media to chose from#queer books either feel not deep enough of too political#i just want queer people falling in love and being queer#i guess that why i prefer film (EVEN THOUGH THERE'S NOT THAT MUCH QURER CINEMA EITHER)#look im bisexual and i should enjoy hey romance but i just don't#that's not me#uhhskskd#im just being annoying im sorry but i hate it#i have to look around for days to find good queer media#and then theres 4000000 shitty straight Christmas fils that are the same#I WANT MY 300000 GAY SHITTY ROMCOM MOVIES.....#uuujjjfjkkkkk#sorry again#vent post#kinda#in the tags#jesus i hate straight people#ok andres shut the fuck up in the tags challenge go#also idc that much about woman writing mlm romances it's just that ...#they sre usually so... dull#and sometimes kinda fetishizing#ughh
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mutual how are you so good at getting into arguments with people who agree with you
probably bc i only respond to people who cant write or read
"rape play can be consented to" and "rape can be consented to" are VERY different sentences. n like honestly i shouldnt even have bothered.
if you have such a fundamental misunderstanding of the english language i wont waste my time trying to communicate with you. when every word means something different its not really english anymore is it. if everything u say is so divorced from the english language that i need to ask you to repeat and translate everything i dont think im at fault here
i might just cut contact w anyone in the community because everything i say is misunderstood and misrepresented and not taken seriously if im not sucking up to people.
and so many words have new double-meanings and im led to think i disagree with ppl because theyre fucking incapable of writing a coherent sentence. and then its my fault somehow.
and its not like 'transid' or paraphilia dont exist outside of the radqueer community. everyone wants to change things about themselves. everyone changes. people are into weird shit and have mental disorders. i dont have a problem with peoples experiences.
n if rqs put any effort into what they say (or even didnt blame me for assuming that a word doesnt have any new secret meaning) id treat it the same as the mogai or liom community. whatever. kinda fun. sometimes theres a relatable label
.delete later
#i do have a deep insecurity about being stupid and always confused and people not understanding anything i say#ableist shit#but i also dont see anything wrong with how i talk from my perspective#i dont know why whatever is wrong with me is wrong with me#other autists dont like or understand me#but like. even if theres something fundamentally wrong with me im not gonna bend over backwards and make myself palatable you anyone.#i dont give a shit really. no one has to like or understand me ig#also. 'where do you guys find animal rape porn?'. im not hanging out near a community where thats as common as it is and people you reblog#from like that shit.#im aware that 'not all of us' and 'theres bad apples everywhere' but thw queer community doesnt have a Huge chunk that believes in#legalizing rape.#and i dont think id hang out in any other community that does.#also#not as bad obviously but so many people being pathetic. identities for when youre trans but have internallized so much transphobia tha#t youre calling yourself cis now#you have intrusive thoughts so now you say youre transharmful.#its a whole lot of letting outside factors control your identity which is just miserable to look at for me#and not a vibe i wanna be around#sometimes theres straight up bigotry 'afab 4 afab because duhh afab means pussy. and transsexuals dont exist' or treating birth assignment#as a gender#you see that in the regular queer community too i just feel like complaining#im just tired of this. every day i log on to tumblr and see a rq post and go 'wow/damn these people are extremely annoying and detached#from the english language'.#fucking. even transgender in a transid context has a different meaning#ppl say transgender isnt a transid and like. theyre right and theyre also wrong.#transgender(transid version) isnt the fucking same as transgender(queer community)#and this isnt me being genuine but lets have some fun with radqueer etymology and twist transgender even further. trans- in a transid#context means (change) with intent.#i did not choose my gender with intent..therefore actually i am a cisgender male.#so if i do end up fucking blocking you then you know why
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