#if my dissolution even WORKED in the first place

[svbhuman]

idk man. i should be humble and whatnot but i have to defend myself

[etz-ashashiyot]

If you are upset about Jews living in Israel, first ask yourself: What factors led to them being there in the first place? Was my family complicit in these atrocities? What have I done to address these historical wrongs? How do my answers to these questions inform how I view other refugees?

If you are upset about Jews moving to Israel in the present, first ask yourself: What have I done to make my area a safe place for Jews to live in the present? How have I stood up to antisemitism here, now? What guarantees against future violence have I worked to put in place?

If you are upset that nation-states exist and want Israel to be disbanded on that premise, first ask yourself: What have I done to dissolve my own country's nation-state? Who is likely to be hurt in the ensuing chaos of this dissolution, and what can be realistically proposed as an immediate practical substitute so that it doesn't devolve into rule by brute strength? If your goal is to start with Israel, why Israel over any other state, given that there are numerous countries that are committing atrocities on a much wider scale? Why do you object to Jews having a state more so than all other peoples with states?

If you are upset about land theft from Palestinians, first ask yourself: Am I living on land I am not indigenous to? Is it somewhere that the native population was violently dispossesed of? If so, have I devoted even a tenth of the time, effort, and emotional energy to rectifying these local historical wrongs as I have to this conflict in an entirely different country? What is my responsibility to do so? Is this cause just a way to "atone" for the original sin of the settlers in my country without changing anything about my own life?

There is a conversation to be had here, but until you can answer these questions earnestly and thoughtfully, you are not a serious enough person to have these conversations with.

[raayllum]

Anyway earlier this month I said I had a lot of feelings about how visual framing is used in Viren and Harrow's relationship so time to talk about it, i.e.

Harrow is almost always framed as being above Viren

Now, some of the meaning behind this is obvious. In spite of their longterm friendship, the fact that Harrow was king and had the final say, and Viren very much did not (and likely went from being Harrow's closest advisor to second fiddle with Sarai, and then back again) is something that Viren concerns himself a great deal with: "My whole life I've been chasing after things I didn't have. Status, influence, power" (4x02). Due to this difference in status, Viren's plans are suggestions, whereas Harrow's word is law, and Viren each time has to present his ideas accordingly, and the framing reflects that:

We see this desire to be close to Harrow and power more generally bleed over into other areas of Viren's life, such as his obsession with the mirror. Viren assumes the proximity to power begets or informs importance/worth, and that because "the mirror was kept closest to where [the Dragon King and Queen] slept, it must be important."

This of course is a mirror (ha) to his image of himself, in which, "I thought you were going to be something special, something important!" (2x02) and exactly why Harrow's words of, "I see the problem now: it's that you believe you are special, above the laws of this kingdom."

His happiest moment with Harrow then arguably, within the text of the show, is when Harrow invites him up to be on equal standing (and also why said portrait is what inspires Viren to offer himself up as Harrow's "equal" - amid a self-importance kink, of course). When they were 'brothers', and why the dissolution of their bond undoes this framing entirely.

It's not surprising, then, that his psyche reenacts the Happy moment with the portrait with an even sweeter, cherry on top of not just Harrow's forgiveness, but his love, acceptance, and admiration, in Viren's dark magic dreams.

Symbolized by Harrow lowering himself in order literally lift Viren up from a kneel, to standing as equals, and into a hug (+ acceptance and a mutual assurance of familial connection/importance).

(Bonus points for Harrow's sword being changed into Viren's staff immediately after their hug, btw.)

But just like 2x05 with the portrait, this moment of reconciliation and happiness even inside Viren's mind cannot last forever, as he's pushed and stumbles into an even lower place than on his knees, and this part of the nightmare is over.

This is also, of course, the most overt framing to display power and control vs feeling powerless or helpless.

That said, while Harrow above and Viren below framing wise is the most consistent framing we see for the two (besides just regular shots with things like pillars and titan hearts in between them) are the ones where Viren is framed above... and it's not usually good.

We see the Standing to Kneeling to be on level with Harrow to Standing again progression as Viren makes his case regarding Zym. Like before, I think this serves a few purposes.

Viren standing at first when Harrow does not reflects their attitudes, specifically Harrow's relief that it's finally over and Viren's suspicion that it's not

Viren then moves to be on Harrow's level and this communicates how he's pleading / trying to have Harrow understand his point of view by bringing himself down to Harrow's level. This, of course, is ironic, because by doing so, Viren is bringing Harrow down to his level in terms of morality

Viren straightening up again indicates assertiveness, being active rather than passive, and perpetuating a path that offers agency, safety, and control, horrible as it is.

And it works, since as we know, Harrow goes along with and agrees to it in spite of his reservations.

However, the most interesting flip of "Viren looking down at Harrow instead" has always been this one at Harrow's funeral in 1x04, as Viren is attempting to rush things along and take his former's friend throne. All the power is there within his grasp as he stares impassively into the fire, and yet it rings hollow and reminds him ("In his final hours, he called me brother") of precisely what lies he's telling not only the populace, but also himself.

Because the only way for Viren to look down on and at Harrow was for him to be dead.

[redclercs]

DELICATE✰ CHARLES LECLERC.

INTERLUDE: this is why we can't have nice things.

— the one where everybody's waiting to see the fall out.

warnings: this is basically like the INTRO chapter with all media, we're going to pretend publications and broadcast timings are not mistaken or fake, okay? ok. am i myself if i don't mention taylor swift in every chapter? no. foul language.

masterlist ✢ next

By Tom Gill // June 23rd

Vic Presley confirms y/n hasn't reached out to her even after Vic called asked her to in a publication a few days ago.

"I think she has blocked my number by now," Presley said, "I am devastated by this. I didn't think it was like her to discard relationships so easily."

Presley and y/ln have been friends since 2020, when they met at the opening of the SENSE Club in downtown Los Angeles and quickly became inseparable.

"y/n really was— is my best friend. I miss her and I want her to come back to me."

Vic Presley also commented on y/n's split from Aidan Kim in her own way: "I hate that she hurt Aidan. I was not aware they had so many problems, that's definitely the kind of stuff you tell your best friend."

y/n was spotted just a week ago with alleged (and constantly denied) boyfriend, Charles Leclerc on a stroll around Central Park. Victoria Presley couldn't help but speak her mind on this.

"y/n has changed so much since she met that guy. I met him in Miami and Monaco, he's not one of the good ones. He's managing to isolate her from everyone who loves her."

Once again, Victoria urges y/n to contact her so they can rekindle their friendship. "I am not angry at her, disappointed maybe. But I will always have my arms open for her."

SEE ALSO:

→ Victoria Presley and Mia Kim collab in new project promoting Presley Beauty.

→ y/n y/ln, a disaster waiting to happen.

→ Aidan Kim is 'almost done' with debut solo album

By Paul Dean // June 28th

Aidan Kim has been in the spotlight since 2012, when he debuted as a member of boyband phenomenon Star-5 with their hit single "End Of The Day". After the band's dissolution in late 2018 due to creative differences between the members and rumored jealousy disputes that included Aidan himself, the Korean-American superstar decided to pursue a career in acting, in aims of expanding his horizons.

'Supercut' in 2019 was the start of a a succesful career followed by '1922' (2021) and 'Conversations with Friends' (2022) plus the series 'Crimes of the Academy' (2022) before Netflix decided to cancel it.

While it is true that 'Supercut' was a box office hit and sent Aidan Kim and co-star—and former partner—into a whole new level of stardom, Aidan Kim might be regretting ever making that movie.

"Supercut holds a special place in my heart," Aidan commented, politely. "It was my first real movie." Of course Aidan doesn't count the "3D Concert Experience" he starred with his other four bandmates as a real movie. "But I carry the consequences of making Supercut with me to this day."

The whole world is aware of such consequences, as y/n y/ln is keen on having the last word when it comes to the breakup from Kim. It wasn't enough to leave him humiliated by turning his marriage proposal down.

"Someone was looking out for me that night, I think," Aidan has tried his best to let go of such bitter memories by turning them into something positive. "At the end of the day, I'm glad y/n said no. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with her. You're witnessing how unstable she is."

"It's quite shocking honestly," Aidan Kim didn't expect his ex-girlfriend to act like this. "I helped her however I could. Talked to producers, casting agents and journalists to give her a shot. And she says I never did anything for her."

Kim couldn't help but take the chance to refer to his ex's new lover: "But I've moved on. And I hope she does the same soon. If I were Charles Leclerc, I'd be worried my new girlfriend is thinking about her ex-boyfriend so often."

Lastly, Aidan teased his upcoming album, "I've worked very hard on it. I missed making music and I hope you'll like this new sound I'm trying after leaving Star-5's commercial music behind."

"The thing about music, is that it lets you tell your side of the story too. I hope you support a man doing this the same way you root for Taylor Swift, because double-standards are so 'in' right now."

SEE ALSO:

→ Mia Kim, the talented sister of Aidan Kim, set to make big screen debut.

→ Were Mia Kim and Victoria Presley mocking y/n y/ln in new Youtube Video?

→ Mia Kim: "y/n should have kept her mouth shut, there's still shit to be exposed about her."

FROM THE DREW BARRYMORE SHOW — JULY 6TH

[Y/N]: ❝(...) What matters to me right now, is that people now I am nothing of what they're calling me. I am not perfect, nobody is. But I have never cheated on a partner or used someone else as a 'toy' and most importantly, I built my own career.❞

[Y/N]: ❝It gets exhausting, you hear things about yourself you never even thought possible. It could be laughable if it wasn't so cruel❞

[Y/N]: ❝My relationship ended in February, but I believe it was over way before that. I acted in a way that was not fair to my ex-partner nor to myself, and I expressed my regrets about it. He had the right to not accept my apology, but not to make stuff up about the whole situation.❞

[Y/N]: ❝He's feeding his ego, he's a man, after all. But doing it at the expense of my work and my reputation is disgusting. I want one producer or casting agent to come forward and say they gave me a role thanks to my ex-boyfriend's input, just one.❞

[Y/N]: ❝I have surrounded myself with different people. They have been a great support system, always motivating me, and holding me back when I'm about to do something stupid. This also means I have left some people out of what's going on with me, and it's for the best.❞

[Y/N]: ❝Taylor Swift, bless her soul, has given me a lot of advice. She's the sweetest person ever and since the same guy that is trying to drag me has gone after her in a few interviews, she wants this to be over as much as I do. I think he made a mistake by messing with Taylor too.❞

[Y/N]: ❝Rumors will keep running, but I am finally at peace with knowing who I am and who I can trust. But those 'sources' should know my patience is running out.❞

By Jenny Highland // July 20th

Mia Kim and Victoria Presley are the hottest topic right now, but not for the reasons both influencers wish, as they are in trouble!

Both Los Angeles locals have received a 'Cease and Desist' letter from recovering actress y/n y/ln this week, per her team's advice. This was confirmed by both Presley and Kim on Twitter, saying they are 'flabbergasted' that y/n is accusing them of defamation.

While y/n is far from gaining her place back in the public's heart, we are not blind to what Victoria and Mia have done for the past month, riding the wave to get views and followers talking about their shared time with y/n. Who has every right to ask them to stop, as she has done in several interviews throughout the month.

For many people, this makes it more evident that it was either Presley or Kim who contacted tabloids to get their five minutes of fame and sink y/n deeper.

Actions have consequences for everyone, and if y/n decided to pick this fight at this point in her downfall/rerise/wherever it is that we are with her, it's because she knows she can win, right?

─── team principal radio: ❝thank you for reading! please let me know your thoughts! I know I'm ending your patience with this slow burn thing but I promise you we're getting there! Charles is back next chapter and you'll see haha. again, your interactions mean the world to me and i'm sorry if sometimes i don't reply to your comments, i'm just awkward but i love you all♡❞

✰ paddock club members: @sassyheroneckgiant @flowerchild-96 @fangirlika @shegotboreddsoo @roseamongthorns13 @cissyp @chimchimjiminie16 @saturnsrinqs @roni-midnights @gayyvodka6 @studioreader @its-ash-not-grey @lu-morningstar @ferraribabe @reidsworld @feelslikestrawberries @celestialams @kosmosgalore @heeseung-baby @missenclod @buendiabebeta @mycenterfold @aces-tattooartist @burningrred @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive@rainybabe25 @ru-kru @lazybot @teenagedreams-cl @cool-ultra-nerd @kuskumu @formulakay3 @bisexual-desi @somanyfandomsbruh @icarus-nex @haziefairy @xjval @xoxoloverb @sainzleclercs @headinthecloudssblog @incoherenciass @bookophiliac @torrie421 @nooshytushie @azxulaa @steephanie07 @anonymous8462 @tbisloneely @pukklv @bn7921 @be-your-coffee-pot @fdl305 @lovely-blackinnon @landonorizzz @ruleroftheuniverse @ivegotparticulartaste

want to join the paddock club? click here!

if you are not tagged please check your blog settings because tumblr isn't letting me tag you

[paeliae-occasionally]

Hello! Intro Post.

Hi, so I’ve been hanging around for a while now, but I have recently started posting more so I have decided to write an intro.

Online I go by Pae, (or Pae pae) I am non-binary. (they/them) and I write and draw.

Current WIPs

Blue Posts are the essentials of you want to send me an ask , or if you just want an intro to the blog.

Pink are my personal favourites.

I’m doing 12 days of Christmas asks here!

Scenes

Memory and death

Marsh Prison scene

Lore stuff:

Magic

Magic Systems

The history of the runes

More runes lore

Culture

The mages immortality lore

The death realms

The gardens

Languages

The Druids

The Mulai’Kaleppi

The Opyri

The Tiel’Drysar

(More Necromancy)

The lighthouse keepers

Laith’Zairel

Gods Culture

History

The blood wars

Blood wars 2

The mist war

The Separation, Dissolution and Accords

Maps

-Laith’Emeris 1

-Laith’Emeris 2

-30BD map

-Laith’Zairel

-How I make maps (continents)

Join the Tag List~

Summaries:

Paeliae - Magic politician

A mage living in the period when the god vs mages war starts. (8 BD, before dissolution) He is a politician, despite having no patience for the ages old elvish mages who currently run the council. He is obsessed with leaving a lasting legacy even if that means dying today. As such he is vehemently against the concept of immortality, During the war he helps negotiate with the gods to come to a truce. 27, He/Him.

Xaeren - Runic Inventor

Xaeren designed 42 of the 47 runes and uses them to protect himself from the vengeful goddess Schaeres. When she finally attacks him, Xaeren realises there were very few limits to what he could do with the runes and sets out to kill Schaeres, both as payback and just to prove that he can. But some things can’t be done alone…

Xaeren lore 1

Xaeren lore 2- (This is a bit old so some of the Kell stuff has changed)

Xaeren lore 3

Kell - Magic Student

Xaeren rescues her from a small dock town and gets her a place at the Lysandri school of magic. Kell is thrust into a world of magic and has to keep up with the help of Xaeren’s tutoring, but as she begins to fit in with the mages there, her loyalty to the criminal godkiller Xaeren comes into question.

Tyro - Traumatised Sorcerer

lives in the modern day (about 1500 PD, post-dissolution). They have recently escaped from the abusive cult that adopted them as a child, with their adoptive brother Apollo. They are a sorcerer, so have born magic, but also we’re taught to use runes by the cult. They never used them because of trauma but they could if they wanted to. They are currently running from the cult and trying not to be noticed by the government, who take in all sorcerer children so they can have a monopoly on magic. They have found a family in some other sorcerers living in an abandoned manor outside the city. 17, They/them

Apollo - adopted older brother of Tyro.

He took care of them and the others in the cult, despite being abused severely himself. Despite the trauma he is a very powerful runic. He is currently being attacked by, and looking for other cults like the one he was adopted into to help other children like him. 21, He/They

Ez and Rin (~1000 BD)- The gay bois, who definitely don’t start the apocalypse.

Ez (short for Ezemhaziel) is the god of refined magic. He falls in love with Rin when he is researching to create the runes. He is somewhat of a Prometheus figure, as he brings the first magic to mortals by teaching Rin.

Rin is a gardener working for one of the altic kings, who equally loves Ez for his magic and creativity. Ez and Rin end up working on the runes together. The other gods get mad that Ez gave magic to a mortal, and they let the mortals murder Rin. Ez is mad. This will spiral and cause the start of the godly war, which then ushers in the godly mages war, where 3/4 of all mages die and the gods are removed from the world.

Ezemhaziel lore

Daimion and Marsh - the regretful and the merry murderer

Daimion and marsh grew up together being trained for an elite military unit, which they both got into. While in the unit they are ordered to fire on civilians and they do it, but later Daimion regrets killing innocents and leaves the unit without notice. He goes on to find the daughter of one of the people he murdered that day and the woman who has been taking care of her. He protects them fiercely and tries to make up for what he did. Marsh however, fully commits to the ‘I kill people as a job, I might as well enjoy it’ and ends up being so recklessly violent that he is imprisoned in the highest security jail in the country, which he later breaks out of to commit a massacre, then returns to his cell like nothing happened. This occurs a couple of times until Daimion has to go get him. - Marsh intro - Marsh lore

Just a brief overview of some of the things I am currently working on. I plan to post more about the magic systems and historical events of the world. I also post maps.

Feel free to ask me about this, and tag me in games. Interact here to join the tag list:

Tag List~

Thanks for visiting, feel free to stick around <3

[archivedjuice]

quite genuinely i think zdarsky making mike matt's foil was probably the best post-soule mike murdock decision ever because not only does it enhance matt's already existing story and makes you question how mike would fit into everything that you read pre-real boy mike, it also gives mike his own rich inner life just by making matt his foil. it gives you an already incredibly fleshed out basis for how his inner world works with that one narrative decision. it seems so simple but really and truly it adds so much with so little 'effort'. like my favourite thing to do ever is reread the man without fear and think about where and how mike would fit in kind of in a similar way to how mike nicely slots into the born again detail of matt's story when maggie visits matt at the hospital after he's blinded.

the very fact and nature of exactly how he has to slot into every crevice of matt's story (metaphorical of the fact that mike never enters matt's hospital room, he sleeps and remains outside and at the door, even when he witnesses maggie's presence) is kind of it's own homage to the 'purpose' of mike murdock in the first place. he's an alternative to the lifestyle that is either matt murdock or daredevil. he was privy to matt's struggle‚ being quite literally matt himself‚ and subverted matt's identity into compartmentalised divisions. he does something similar with his sheer Real Boy existence by simply existing within the narrative but his inclusion is also his exclusion! he is unable to fundamentally alter aspects of matt's life that need to happen despite the purpose of his initial existence being that of alleviating the pressure that comes with matt and daredevil's existence, and that crevice of matt's story is exactly where the crux of his character as a foil of matt lies! he lives with every inherent nuance of matt's world that matt had to live to explore, that exists beneath a layer of dissolution; case in point: maggie as their mother and mike's different view of their father

[pinkmadnessing]

Entheogen, Ch.1: ✨ Curious Little Thing

Just dropped the first chapter of my very own HDG story, Entheogen, with a huge shoutout to my partner (and Mistress) @hotghostshibari for their help writing Myconia! This story follows a burnt out corporate xenobiologist who finds her way into the vines of an equally neurodivergent plant who, for some mysterious reason, has mushrooms instead of flowers! Will she learn to see the world with wonder again? Will she get florted? Will she get absolutely slammed down by a giant mushroom womanthing? Come find out :3 CW: noncon drugging, anxiety, deadnaming, xenophobia

18+ only, minors DNI, as always. https://archiveofourown.org/works/61809625/chapters/158043616

Full first chapter beneath the cut, thread in betas in the hdg discord if you'd like to talk to me about it, please enjoy!

Hurried voices echoed through the corridors of the Corben Bioworks corporate survey vessel, CBS Rains of Proxima, occasionally joined by the mechanical accompaniment of doors sealing, weapons being readied, and controls being toggled. They were the sounds of a ship preparing for battle, something Madii Lunae had hoped to never experience. She glanced nervously up from her screens as multiple crew members glided past her door, held aloft by the microgravity of near-interstellar space. She lowered her gaze back down to the screen mounted on her desk, reading and re-reading the ship wide alert at the same time the comm’s officer came over the intercom. 

'RED ALERT. RED ALERT. ALL CREWMEMBERS PREPARE FOR MILITARY ACTION. XENO WARSHIP SPOTTED NEAR EDGE OF SYSTEM. EVASIVE MANEUVERS ENGAGED' 

Madii swallowed nervously and fiddled with the magnetic stylus on her desk. Even in microgravity, her leg twitched up and down rapidly as her head filled with anxiety. The ship was supposed to be a research vessel, stars, it was literally in her contract from Corben Bioworks that they couldn’t use any of the weapons on board. And yet here they were. She guessed the dissolution of government and outlawing of corporations made those contracts not really matter anymore, but the same now went for the contracts guaranteeing her safety. 

“I can't just float here” Madii mumbled to herself, not really realizing she said it out loud. She grabbed hold of the handle on her desk and used it to push herself across her lab, or at least it was the room that used to be her lab. Over the past few months her lab, along with all others on the ship, had been hastily retrofitted to act as a medical bay and the scientists within them as medics. Where tanks of alien flora and shelves of xenobiological catalogs once stood, now sat cots and monitors, prepared to take on any crewmember who gets injured while fighting the Affini threat. Not that they’ve gotten any reports of ships being attacked and making it out with crew in the first place. 

Madii glided across the room to the small viewport on the space-side wall of her office and gripped the handles under it to stabilize herself. She looked out past the array of antennae on the side of the ship to see a larger part of Gliese, the binary system they had been orbiting on the edge of. They had hoped that the xenos wouldn't check a largely uninhabited jumpthrough system. 

They were wrong. 

In the far distance, illuminated by the red glow of the sputtering twin suns, hung a pink starburst shape. It was practically glowing against the void behind it. Stars, how could they have missed that? Madii felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She had never seen an Affini ship in person, and she could only help but wonder what horrific monsters were glaring back at her from across the darkness.

-

Myconia glanced passively through the window of Its office. It wondered what could be going on on that little ship as it no doubt suddenly made signal contact with the Bromelia. It, unlike the little terran across the void, was not panicking. It was gazing out the window with one eye while focusing the other three on an otoscope currently deep in an adorable little floret who had complained to her owner of ear pain.

“Yeah, seems to be a common side effect of the Class-M’s she’s on, especially with Terrans with a predisposition for patulous eustachian tubes.” Myconia said, speaking over the girl’s head at the Affini behind her. “Something to do with prolonged slackening of the muscles around it. There’s some specialists on Summer Station researching it right now, I’m sure it’ll be fixed soon. I’d suggest a week long Class-M detox, and I’ll have some heavy Class-H’s ready at the front desk. You’ll be able to ‘doll her out’ with them, but it won’t be as rigid.” Myconia said, looking down at the little blushing Terran who was trying her very best to stay still, despite the constant twitching and stimming. Myconia pulsed the glow of the large mushroom caps on Its head in a soothing pattern, helping the little cutie slacken a bit. “Does that sound okay, little one?” 

The girl smiled sheepishly up at It, knowing exactly what to say after being asked a question she didn’t even hear. “Yes, Miss Myconiaaa” She said, twisting back and forth in her skirt adorably. “Good girl.” Myconia said, patting the floret with a vine and slipping a lollypop packed with Class-A into the little stoner’s mouth. The owner smiled, picking up her rapidly melting pet and giving Myconia a few words of thanks. The pair left just as a notification appeared on one of Its office monitors.

“Terran cuties located and locked on!! We’ll have them in our loving vines in no time! Please prepare for grapple and boarding action!!” The screen read out in scrolling Affini glyphs.

Myconia made the sound It learned from being around Terrans so much, a sigh, it was called. It let a quick breeze ruffle through Its vines and dimmed Its fluorescent mushroom-dotted body, as if to display a release of energy. A new rebel ship means more Terrans rescued, but it also meant first time pet owners, and that meant more ‘what should I do if my pet swallowed this-or-that’ questions. Myconia finished the paperwork of the pet It just treated, and filed a request for the strongest Class-Hs they had on vine. After a quick moment of enjoying the feeling of a happy pet well cared for, It switched the feed on Its monitor to the adorable floret hobby video about zen gardens It was previously watching. It reached with a few fine tendrils and drug a little rake across the sand in the small desk box. Myconia loved these cute little Terran things, they were so useful for detangling after a long day. Just as It was finally starting to relax, Its mushroom dotted vines gently uncoiling around the base of the chair, a second notification from the ship’s consciousness appeared on Its screen. “Apologies everyone!! Seems like the little ‘Free Terran’ ;;;;;) cuties have spotted us, and are attempting to flee. We’ll be entering hyperspace for a moment so we can pounce on em! Please brace your florets, and thank you for your understanding!!"

-

Madii gasped, eyes wide, and pushed back from the window. She blinked a couple times, rubbed her eyes, and pulled herself close again. The ship just vanished. It winked out of the void right as she was looking at it! Had it gone into hyperspace? It couldn’t have! Cosmic Navy ships jump with noticeable lensing as they tear through spacetime. From straight on, the Affini ship seemed to simply shrink to a point and vanish from the void, as if it had never been there in the first place. Could they have gone? Maybe they didn’t see the ship and they left. Madii’s mind flooded with possible explanations, spinning its wheels until it was interrupted by a blaring intercom. 

“RED ALERT. RED ALERT. LOSS OF VISUAL CONTACT WITH XENO VESSEL” Madii twitched at the sudden loud noise, but quickly began to move. She had been so bored during her first weeks on board that she had actually read the ship’s protocol manual. She might have been the only one, including the captain, to have done so. “ENGAGE SAFETY HARNESS AND PREPARE FOR EVASIVE MANEUVERS AND HYPERMETRIC KICK IMMEDIATELY”

As the message finished, Madii glanced across the room and pushed off the wall, headed towards one of the many harnesses across the ship. As she passed her desk, she nabbed a medical tablet off its magnetic mount, tucking it under her arm while she flew. She had landed against the harness on the opposite wall and strapped herself in. As the belts clicked into place, she felt the rapid flow of panic swelling up in her mind. She hated the feeling of hypermetric kicks, but hated the idea of falling into the Affini’s grip even more. She needed to calm down, she told herself, hyperventilating would fix nothing. In fact, hyperventilating was exactly what you weren’t supposed to do during a hypermetric kick, and jumps always hit her gut particularly hard. Needing a distraction, she decided to focus on the tablet. Her eyes flowed over every biometric readout on the ship. Nothing out of the ordinary, of course, other than a collectively increased heart rate among the crew. Madii closed her eyes as she felt her head start to spin with anxiety. 

“It’s gonna be okay. It’s gonna be okay.” She repeated to herself, trying to pull in the reins on her spiraling mind. It didn’t work.

-

At nearly the same moment the notification appeared on Myconia’s screen, it heard little gasps from the Terrans outside Its office. The small pockets of air between sand particles collapsed, and the whole pattern of the zen garden broke down. 

“They really should warn us earlier about that. Poor little things get spooked every time.” It grumpled to Itself before shaking the sand flat and starting again. As It started to rake, a small drop down opened on Its screen, a readout of information about the Terran ship currently being trapped. ‘Terran Megacorporate Survey Corvette, 170 meters, two rotational rings..’ It had heard concerning rumors about Terrans coming out of megacorp ships. Just as bad as the military ships, with Terrans coming with crushed souls rather than hyperferalist ideologies. For the sake of the little sophonts on board, It hoped they were just rumors.

-

A monotone whirr began to fill the emptying corridors of the Rains of Proxima as the jump drive began to spin up, preparing to launch a spear of exotic matter through space and time. Madii squinted her eyes and cringed preemptively. She always hated this part. “PREPARE FOR HYPERMETRIC JUMP.” The navigator’s voice called out over the intercom, which was growing increasingly staticky as the ship’s electric fields began to warp with space. “JUMPING IN T-MINUS… 5.. 4.. 3.. T-” A gasp came over the intercom, accompanied by the sound of everyone else in Madii’s hallway gasping. She herself, already cringing, jolted in her harness as the kick hit her like a punch to her sternum and her stomach cramped. She wasn’t ready for that. That happened early. Why did it happen early. Madii forced her eyes open, wiping tears that microgravity formed into bubbles. As soon as she did, she let out a gasp and looked around, eyes wide. The ship's lights were completely off, as if someone had just flicked the switch off. The darkness of the ship allowed a cascade of crimson Gleitian light to paint the inside of Madii’s lab. The normally sterile walls of the ship illuminated only in red had an eerie sort of alien beauty that Madii had scarcely seen before, if she wasn’t gasping for air, she might have taken a moment to appreciate it. “J-JUMPING!” The worried voice of the navigator broke Madii out of her thoughts. Wait, that wasn’t our jump? The ship shook as the suddenly very loud jump drive unleashed its payload, tearing a hole in space that would.. Wait.. Madii looked around rapidly. The room was still bathed in crimson light. Why didn’t she feel anything? Where was the kick? “What’s going on Micheals?” The voice of the Captain barked, still sharp through the muffled intercom. It’s clear the navigator didn’t turn off his mic. 

“d-don’t know sir. I initiated the rump, ‘says the drive released the payload. I don’t d-d- .. oh… STARS IT’S HU—” The navigator’s voice suddenly cut out as the intercom filled with static and the ship shook against her back. She had to squint as the sterile lights suddenly winked back on and looked around the room for some semblance of understanding. Madii untucked her tablet from under her arm and stared at it, eyes flicking wildly about the screen. Dozens of error messages filled a panel on the side. No injuries reported, but huge sections of the ship were marked with red, indicating catastrophic damage. She fumbled to unhook her harness, flew back to the widow, and moved her head around, trying to use every angle through the small window. There was nothing out of the ordinary in her limited field of view, other than the presence of the Gleitian suns and the distant sta-

Madii froze in shock. In almost the same moment she turned her attention to the twin stars, a massive, spiked tendril shot up between them and her. Madii reeled in horror as the vine cast a dark shadow over her face. Oh stars. Oh fuck. The Compact has arrived.

-

Myconia heard the characteristic excited shuffle of second and third blooms rushing past Its office, all making a butterflyline towards the tunnel to the bay the Terran ship was being docked at. It shuddered a groan and pretended to roll Its eyes, an expression It very much liked borrowing from the cuties around It. As much as It might enjoy taking care of Terran patients, It had never really found the right sophont to domesticate, and this far into the Terran Pacification, a new ship meant more medical processing and less researching, rather than an opportunity for adoption. Its friends always looked at It with pity in a way It detested when It expressed such feelings, but It told Itself they were the consequences of Its dedication to Its work. Sacrifices for discovery, eh?

All the introspection was making Myconia wish It had something to focus on decomposing. It tapped on Its tablet a few times until It found a suggestion for the pizza place (adorably named ‘Petperroni’) a team of Beeple had started after becoming fascinated with Terran cuisine. Its next appointment wasn’t for 80 Terran minutes so It tapped through a few options and placed the order. A little graphic of a dancing Beeple spinning a sign that said “Thanks for ordering!!” appeared on Its screen, drawing a small smile from the Affini.

-

Madii’s mind was moving at a million meters a minute. She stared, jaw held open in horror, as the massive tendril stretched up and over the ship before tightening around it. Bending metal whined as it struggled under the weight of the vine constricting around the ship. A massive impact shook the ship around her, jolting her hands which were wrapped tightly around a rung. The slam was followed by another, and another, and another, each impact seeming closer and closer. Madii looked back at the hallway, searching for the source of the sound, only to realize it was far too late. The world seemed to slow down around her as the hallway floor deformed as it was skewered from underneath. The metal tore at the panel seams like paper ripping, and a massive vine, evidently what forced its way through the hull, rocketed up to the ceiling, piercing a hole through the ceiling with just as much speed. Madii barely had time to scream before her voice was drowned out by the deafening roar of the void. The vine had punched holes in the hull, and the pull of space on the ship’s breached atmosphere was suddenly rapidly dragging out anything not bolted down. Unfortunately for Madii, she was not bolted down.

-

Myconia glanced at her monitor’s calendar. It watched in real time as various Affini started pre-booking examinations for their expected new florets. Maybe volunteering for this time slot as an auxiliary veterinarian was a bit too much of a workload, It considered. It was itching to focus on Its own research, but nothing short of adopting a floret would get it out of this commitment. 

“Knock knock, bookannelid, mind pulling your antennae out of your communicator for a moment?” A familiar, tinkling voice spoke from the door, accompanied by the quiet rapping of wood on alloy. A slightly shorter, tightly wound Affini stood in the doorway, the friend of Myconia’s whom It initially offered to help at the clinic, Alphira Datura, 18th bloom. Alphira was formed from a tightly bound, luscious green cluster of vines, with small white flowers blooming across her body. In her current form, she had positioned the flowers to paint in her details, from expressive eyebrows to flashing eyelashes to flowing hair. She stepped into Myconia’s office without asking, half walking and half gliding across the floor. When she spoke, her voice sounded younger and sharper sounding despite her comparative age. She smiled sheepishly as she broached the topic yet again. She was the one heading up the medical on-boarding after all, she usually got first pick of the litter, as the Terrans said.

“Listen, I know you’ve said a hundred times that you aren’t interested in having a floret of your own, but I was looking through the manifest of this adorable little ship we just vined, -did you see that it was a science vessel?- Anyway, I found this cutie. I know what you’re going to say, but please, just look it over.” She spoke quickly, handing Myconia a tablet with a Terran Accord personnel file on it. “For its sake, if not your own."

-

The howl of naked void rang in Madii’s ears as she was sucked across the office and clawed uselessly against the flat lab floor. The world continued to move in seeming slow motion as she looked ‘down’ toward the void that pulled her closer and closer. She saw the handle on the door ahead of her and reached out to grab it as she slid past. Madii let out a yelp as her hands slammed against the handle and gripped as tight as she could. She could feel her nails digging into her palms as she held for dear life while styluses, bottles, and anything else not in containers got sucked through the holes and away from her sight. Madii saw her tablet slam against the wall next to the door, but by sheer luck it managed to get wedged against the raised edge of the door. Eyes stinging from the wind, hear pounding in her head, she turned her head upward to gaze through the hole in the ship. 

She could see the endless blackness of space, dotted by the occasional star. This was her first time ever seeing naked void. Oh shit. People rarely, if ever, survive encounters with space, even in this century. She was going to die. She was going to die, wasn’t she? Her mind began to spiral, her thoughts spinning towards the void like a whirlpool in her head. She couldn’t bring herself to look any longer and tightly closed her eyes. This wasn’t real. This wasn’t real. She was going to wake up any second she was going to be okay it was all going to be okay please she didn’t want to die she didn’t want to die she-

Madii’s spiraling train of thought abruptly stopped in tandem with the cessation of the roaring wind. Had she died without realizing it? It almost seemed like the ship had re-sealed. She slowly opened her eyes, only to find her gaze met by a trio of fellow crewmates, all in some sort of holding-on-for-dear-life position. Two were across the hall, Lila and Johnny, visible from around the side of the vine, and the third was her coworker in the lab over, Vanessa, a stuffy girl who's usually straight black hair was now messed up and wind-blown. The four Terrans shared worried looks as their minds tried to catch up with their circumstance. It was Vanessa who spoke first, nodding to the tablet that was now floating behind Madii in the disarrayed lab. 

“M-Milo, you have the readout. What’s going on?” The rattled looking astrogeologist asked Madii. For some reason, amidst all this, her head still caught on those four, cursed letters. She didn’t even have time to be frustrated at herself. She nodded and turned in microgravity towards the tablet, but as she went to reach for it something she hadn’t seen in months began to happen. The tablet, however slowly, fell to the ground.

-

Myconia mocked another sigh and turned toward the door, smiling with amusement. It took the tablet in a few vines and gave it a once over. The Terran’s name was Milo Lunae, a young adult, scored quite a bit higher on flimsy Terran intelligence tests and even published a paper on potential xenobiological medical advancements when it was at something called ‘Corben Institute of Biology’. As a nice plus, Alphira wasn’t kidding, it was pretty frosting cute.

“Fine, fine, I’ll go look with you, but I’ve told you I’ve never found the right floret and you know that.” It said, rising to Its full height and putting Its screens to sleep with a wave of a vine. It left a little note and a lollypop for the pizza delivery floret, and the two Affini exited the veterinary and joined the bustle of prospect owners moving towards the smaller petal-side hangers. It was a part of the ship Myconia rarely spent time in, as most of Its excursions were to the microgravity labs that line the ship’s stem. It glanced down at the tablet occasionally, reading about all the sophont’s little quirks and irregularities that it received write-ups for.

-

Madii and her crewmates slowly floated down to the floor of the ship, once again sharing concerned looks as gravity inexplicably reasserted itself. As her legs touched the floor, Madii felt the strain of momentum pushing against her like she hadn’t in months, and it took her a second to remember how to stand. She carefully pushed herself off the new ground on wobbly legs and grabbed the tablet off the floor. Her eyes grew wide as she stared down at the flimsy screen. The hull was reporting damage it shouldn’t be able to survive, and yet, the atmospheric readings were nominal. No, not just nominal, actually, better than that! The readings more resembled the scans of carboniferous worlds with plant scrubbed, oxygen rich atmospheres than a choked survey vessel.

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Madii says out loud to herself and her coworkers. She raised her eyes to see the confused look on her crewmates faces and answered their question before they could ask. “It’s.. It’s like we’re in the middle of a rainforest.” She said hesitantly. “And I don’t know where to start about the grav..” Madii’s voice trailed off as a warm, sweet smelling, humid breeze wafted over the group. Her crewmates, who had all also pulled themselves to their feet, took reflexive deep breaths of the refreshing air. It was much better than the stale, headache-inducing near 20% atmosphere they had been breathing. Madii’s thoughts began to rapidly spin up as she watched her crew fill their lungs.

-

“So how’d you figure out about this little thing?” Myconia asked her companion, still reading about the Terran while sidestepping the line of potential owners with Alphira’s clearance. The pair had followed the crowd into a tunnel that led to the outside of the rotating petal arcology they lived on, where docks suspended rows of ships above the lazily shifting void. Most of the ships here were of Terran or Rinan design, as the Bromelia’s grasping tendrils deposited their catch here, rather than the larger main stem hanger.

“I was searching through the archives of their ship, looking for anything that stood out. It’s a little survey ship from some megacorp, so there’s lots of planetary scans for the Neoxenoveterinary Archeobureaucrats to pour over. I did, however, notice a note from their Captain about acquiring a new biologist for their survey missions. Apparently the ship searched for new planets to exploit. Positively primitive if you ask me.” The shorter Affini scoffed and ruffled her leaves slightly. The pair of plants reached the hanger just as the vine-pierced ship was being hauled into place. A large wood lined screen by the start of the dock displayed readings of the ship; All lifeforms stabilized, no casualties, and proceeding as usual. Large pink words in curling Affini glyphs slid across the screen. 

‘RELEASING ATMOSPHERIC PACIFIER’

“Well, we haven’t had a Terran scientist here that wasn’t traumatized into believing that ‘for the greater good’ rubbish in a while, so if this Terran is the exception I’ll be glad to meet it.” Myconia said, looking deeper into the file. The Terran had multiple therapist visits and reprimands from captains for things that, the more It looked at them, simply seemed like signs of the rather limited Terran term ‘neurodiversity’. Myconia felt a little bad as It read, then a lot bad. This wasn’t the way It usually felt about sophonts. Though It couldn’t put a vine on why. It felt not just pity, not just the will to help, but the physical need to help. “Alright, you win, Alphira.” It chuckled, vines twitching slightly as It began to mentally prepare for what was to come. “I can’t believe it, but I’ll see em. At least for their initial checkup.”

-

Something wasn’t right. Madii watched her friends take deep breaths. Something wasn’t right about this at all. Madii took shallow breaths of the saccharine air as she looked down at the tablet again. Why would a hostile alien force give them air? “Guys, I’m not sure we should be..” Her mind rapidly ran through a hundred possible options as she spoke, right up until the moment she spotted it: A flashing alert in the life support panel. “WARNING. UNKNOWN AEROSOLIZED XENOLOGICAL COMPOUND. SEEK BREATHING APPARATUS IMMEDIATELY.”

Madii’s eyes grew wide as she stared at the screen. All at once, crew biometrics were beginning to wink out, as though they were all going to sleep at once. She felt a knot tighten in her stomach. Oh stars. Madii raised her eyes right as Vanessa, now with a huge smile on her face, collapsed to the ground with a thud. The other two of her coworkers gasped in horror as the woman dropped, then each began to look drowsy as well. “DON’T BREATH!! HOLD YOUR BREATH! HOLD YOUR-” Madii shouted, but it was too late. She had already turned away before she heard their bodies hit the ground. She clapped a hand over her mouth and pinched her nose shut as she felt a slight tipsiness at the edges of her mind. She stumbled across the room, legs struggling to adapt to the new gravity, to a panel on the wall with a gas mask symbol below the Corben Bioworks logo that had been ever present in her life. She slammed it open, almost knocking it off its hinges, and yanked the gas mask off it’s clamp. She pulled the mask over her face and breathed out to clear the diaphragm. It was just like the diving regulators she had read about in preparation for her imagined future as an intrepid explorer, and each consecutive breath felt less and less stuffy through the filter. Once she was confident the mask wouldn’t suffocate her, she looked out to the hall and passed out Terrans on the floor. Tiny, scintillating specks were now drifting through the warm air, swirling in little sparkling vortexes as the breeze from above spread it around the ship. It was probably the toxin that had knocked out her crew, her anxious mind told her, and this time it was probably right.

Madii silently cursed herself as her mind added yet another horrifying realization onto the pile: She had left her pistol in her bunk. It wasn’t like she had wanted the weapon, the rebels had practically forced it into her hands when they took control of the ship, but that was before she felt the alien menace breathing down her neck. Now that she was alone, her mind swam unbidden toward the horrifying future. Her crewmates were dropping all around her and she had no way to fight off the coming swarm of surely ravenous xenos. She tried to remember everything the rebels had barked about the Affini. They would tear her apart, they would melt her mind with drugs, they would send her to the mines, they would.. they… Wait a minute.. Why did the air smell so sweet?

-

“Ahh!! That’s so exciting!!” Alphira cooed, shaking her lush foliage quickly, mimicking the way Terran florets shiver when they get all excited. “I finally did it, I, Alphira Datura, finally broke the great and stoic Myconia!” She giggled and nudged Myconia goadingly with a loose bundle of vines. She tapped a few times on her tablet, then grinned at It. “I’ll have a medical room prepped for you and your little scientist to get to know each other. You know how feisty the sharp ones can be- or,” She paused with a knowing smile. “You’ll find out!”

At just that moment, the dark screen above the door flashed with a cheerful, bright pink message. It seemed like Myconia’s cue.

“PACIFICATION COMMENCING AS EXPECTED!! BOARDING MAY NOW BEGIN!!”

It rolled all four of Its eyes at Alphira and shuffled Its leaves in exaggerated annoyance, before pulling Itself along the dock toward the ship alongside a fair few other Affini, all of whom probably had similarly specific sophonts in mind. One by one, they slipped and slithered through the vine-punctured hull. The ship was cramped, sterile white and reflective, with no pizzaz or decor. It had seen sets like this in Terran media, but It hadn't actually believed that they’d really force themselves to work and live in structures as tight and dull as this. How could anyone work in a place like this, let alone live in it? It looked down cramped corridors and into utilitarian bunks as It moved, looking for Its sophont of choice. Ah, there it is. Myconia paused at a hall that had once been labeled “0-G Sample Labs”, but had since been christened “MEDBAY 3” in hastily scribbled, oily ink.

-

Madii’s eyes widened as she breathed the sweet smelling air through the mask. Her head had almost shaken off the fog of her first breaths, but it suddenly started to get fuzzy again. Was the gas mask broken? Oh stars. Oh stars oh shit oh fuck. Her breath started to quicken, and as much as she recognized that she shouldn’t be hyperventilating poison air, she couldn’t stop the panic from taking over her. Her suspicions were all but confirmed as scintillating specks floated up into the face portion of the mast. The cheap mask was probably never designed to work in the first place. Probably some cost saving measure so the corporate higher-ups could afford another bonus. 

“Ohhhhh fffuck youuuuu Corbenn” Madii groaned, watching pixies swirl around the mask as she breathed out. Wait, what was she doing? Why was she watching the little sparkly things instead of.. instead.. Oh.. my… She slumped forward and pushed the faulty mask up her face as she leaned on her hand. She looked up with lidded, rapidly glazing over eyes as a massive, nightmarish abomination of green and blue shapes swayed into the room through her blurred vision. A little drool dripped from her mouth as she watched the xeno approach, and Myconiai thought it looked quite cute. “YoU aRe MiLo, CoRrEcT?” It asked, trying to make Its voice as soothing as possible. It stepped forward towards the Terran, tilting Its head slightly as It watched the little thing slump. The Terran looked absolutely adorable, but It could tell that the cramped conditions had not been kind to it. “i CaN gEt YoU oUt Of ThE gAs, If YoU dOn’T fIgHt Me.” It said softly. “OtHeRwIsE, i’Ll HaVe To LeT tHe PaCiFiEr Do ItS jOb.” It sighed and outstretched a vine. Myconia let Itself hope a little, but It had doubts that were quickly confirmed.

A shiver shot through Madii as the monster said her ‘name.’ Its voice was melodious, but in an incongruent way, like It was speaking in time with a tune she couldn’t hear. She flinched weakly away from the dark shape of the daemon’s grasping vine.

Myconia watched her eyes lazily unfocus and the mask fully slip off her face. Dirt, the Terran’s head fur was gorgeous, even if a bit matted and more than a little in need of a proper wash. It doubted that this ship had anything close to a proper grooming station. “PlEaSe, I wIlL nOt HuRt YoU.”

Madii’s limbs were growing heavy and her head was starting to wobble. She groaned quietly, using all her willpower to push words to her lips. “Fffuu.. xxxeno…” She mumbled to the monster's disappointment. Good. She was glad It was disappointed. She wouldn’t give in. Her eyes drooped. This couldn’t be it. This wouldn’t be it. She wouldn’t let It take her. She wouldn’t be like those thoughtless puppets she had heard about.. She wouldn’t.. She.. 

The curious little thing mumbled something incoherent before fully slackening in its seat, a display of sheer adorability that brought a sad smile to Myconia’s face. It couldn’t bring Itself to part with the little feral. To the dirt with consequences, It couldn’t leave the poor thing like this. With a little extra willpower, It forced Itself forward, gently wrapping Its vines around the Terran’s body before hefting it into the air with ease.

Madii’s world darkened from the edges, a tunnel closing in around her as the cosmic horror bound her tightly in Its disgusting tendrils. As the vines tightened, a feeling of strange secureness washed over her. She felt her mind relax as though climbing into a bunk after a long day, followed by.. … contentedness?

And then she fell asleep.

That's all for now folks! thanks for reading, and please do let me know what you think! <33

[bittersweetresilience]

author's commentary part one

now that we've reached the end of the fic, i will finally explain the beginning.

i named this piece after 大鱼, a song whose title means big fish. in the fic, jing yuan references void songs twice, which i imagine are the sounds that void song whales make. if you remember, yukong talks about these whales in her visitor dialogue. they swim freely through the stellar seas while their sibling species on the luofu has disappeared into history.

whale songs. dream fish. the call of the void. the language of longing. to me, renjing.

author's imagery only the most important bits

the sky is freedom and departure, and it is jing yuan, eventually. the sea is the dissolution of the self and the thing that will swallow him, and it is yingxing. the lightning is the portent of death, but also the electricity of being in love. the wine is the representation of shared wishes and togetherness and history. the starskiffs are the memorials of the past and the vessels into the empyrean. the fire is desire and destruction. the ink is the color of blade's hair and the sincerity of the letters jing yuan writes. the bandages and the iron are blade and the violence of his existence. the paper birds are the fragility of jing yuan's memories, which cannot be buried. the nightclothes are the vulnerability he will shed in the morning. the string is the red string of fate between renjing, but also the strings that tether jing yuan to the luofu and to his ending. the womb and the egg are the places of rebirth and the representation of returning to the beginning. the sun is the stellaron, and it is jing yuan before the sky and the sea consume him, and it is the end of the dream.

author's commentary part two

below is my translation of the song.

大鱼 big fish

海浪无声将夜幕深深淹没 the waves soundlessly submerge the night 漫过天空尽头的角落 rising over the corners of the edge of the sky 大鱼在梦境的缝隙里游过 the big fish swims in the rifts between dreams 凝望你沉睡的轮廓 watching your sleeping visage

看海天一色 听风起雨落 seeing the sky and the sea in one color, hearing the winds stir and the rain fall 执子手 吹散苍茫茫烟波 holding my son's hand, i blow away the hazy ripples of smoke 大鱼的翅膀 已经太辽阔 the wings of the big fish are already too vast 我松开 时间的绳索 i let go of the thread of time

怕你飞远去 怕你离我而去 afraid you'll fly far away, afraid you'll leave me 更怕你 永远停留在这里 even more afraid you'll stop here forever 每一滴泪水 都向你流淌去 every tear flows toward you 倒流进 天空的海底 flowing backward into the ocean floor of the sky

(...)

看你飞远去 看你离我而去 seeing you fly far away, seeing you leave me 原来你生来就属于天际 so you were born to belong to the sky all along 每一滴泪水 都向你流淌去 every tear flows toward you 倒流回最初的相遇 flowing backward into our first meeting

without this song, this fic wouldn't exist. every part of the two was intimately interwoven. in particular, the line about the thread of time was what made me certain it would be a nonlinear narrative and the mixing of the sky and the sea was the image that created the entire story.

i further drew from the lyrics the most important imagery, the idea of ending on the beginning, and the son's hand as not only yanqing but everyone jing yuan leans on today in order to support himself against the weight of history. i drew the themes of dreams and reality, the dialogue on leaving, and the breathless, surreal atmosphere of melancholy and yearning. but in addition to all of that there is a double meaning in this song to me.

the first time you hear it, you think it's about jing yuan. and it is, of course. everything is about him. he is the holder, the sleeper, the one submerging. but by the last verse, you realize it is also blade, talking to him as he walks into scalegorge waterscape. trying and failing to call him back from within the endless dream.

both of them were born to belong to the sky. only one of them truly died in it.

author's dictionary

rèn, 刃, word for 'Blade' (lit. 'blade's edge') jiāngjūn, 将军, word for 'general' gānbēi, 干杯, word for 'cheers' (lit. 'dry cups') mèngdié, 梦蝶, word for the shortness of life (lit. 'butterfly dream') (this was not said explicitly but alluded to in the first dream) shīfù, 师父, word for 'martial master' bàitáng, 拜堂, word for the act of bowing to the heavens and the earth, the parents, and then each other in marriage (this is what the high-cloud quintet was joking about) yǐnyuè-jūn, 饮月君, word for 'Imbibitor Lunae' (lit. 'moon-drinker') nàihé qiáo, 奈何桥, word for the Bridge of Oblivion where souls drink Meng Po soup to forget the memories of their past life in preparation for reincarnation húlu, 葫芦, word for 'gourd' (this is what bailu uses to dispense medicine) qīng, 卿, word for 'senior official' (this is the honorific jing yuan uses for fu xuan in light of her position as master diviner) xiàngqí, 象棋, word for 'Chinese chess' (this is what starchess is based on, where my vision designates aurumatons as cannons, starskiffs as elephants, and cloud knights as pawns) gē, 哥, word for 'older brother' (this is a casual term of address for older men) shíhuǒ mèngshēn, 石火梦身, word for 'Starfall Reverie' (lit. 'sparks in stone, body in dream')

author's references

all of the xianzhou trailblaze missions. all of the relevant characters' character stories and companion missions. character dialogues. visitor dialogues. battle dialogues. battle mechanics. lightcones. relics. readables. item descriptions. character designs. character messages. the new trailblaze continuance. area maps. chinese voiceovers and their english translations. character trailers. combat guides. animated shorts. possibly more things i'm forgetting to mention. my wealth of insanity.

author's appreciation

wiki editors who came before me. people who upload youtube videos of different dubs of each trailblaze mission. spouses and ssswips. my beloved commenters. the composer of 大鱼. renjing.

[dailyadventureprompts]

Dungeon: Valor's Refute

Past a wall of mist and into the bleak morass of the shadowfell there is a dreary and foreboding isle inhabited by the spirits of those who could not relinquish their blades, so driven by persistence and duty that they could not even rest in death.

Their armoured shades wander the isle's endless halls or stand sentinel over its crumbling, hollow gates, obeying long forgotten oaths to nations and sovereigns they can no longer recall. Some others find a corner in which to collapse in torpor, while others crash through the cavernous ruins, exhausting themselves in battle after pyrrhic battle.

Valor's Refute is not a haven or a hell, it is a purgatory, a place of slow forgetting and inevitable dissolution.... or atleast it would be if over the ages a bunch of darkness dabbling gods and mages didn't independently arrive at the idea that a labyrinthine shadow world full of memory eroding mist could double as a great vault, just as its the ever vigilant and honourbound inhabitants make for incorruptible guards. And so dotted throughout the solemn halls of Valor's Refute are traps and puzzles intended to safeguard artifacts deemed too precious or dangerous to entrust to mortal or material hideaways.

Challenges & Complications

Suffused with the waters of the river Lethe, Valor's Refute is cloaked in a chilling mist that imparts those it touches with lethargy and forgetfulness. Effects are minor at first, but a party can easily take a wrong turn and end up fighting through a fogbank for what turns out to be hours or plunging into the icy water that saps them of a whole day's strength. These effects are best tracked through my attrition system, available HERE.

While exploring the evertwisting corridors, the party encounter the ghost of Ser Zagaver, a knight errant who died uncovering a terrible secret regarding a great evil working in the shadows of the campaign. Having been unable to warn anyone of the unseen danger, she needs the party to swear to carry on her message, and she's willing to force them at the edge of swordpoint. If the party renege on their deal, or get too distracted with ongoing matters, they can expect to be haunted by an enranged ghost-knight until they're steered back on course.

A voice stirs the dreams of those who sleep on the isle, compelling them to seek it out and teasing at their hearts' desire. This voice originates in one of the dungeon's deeper vaults, and belongs to a cursed item known as the "chalice of want". Once the weddingcup of a pair of prideful demigods who later betrayed eachother, it grants those that drink from it visions of how their ambitions may come to pass. Such tastes of future glory are addictive, to say nothing of how dangerous the foreknowledge it grants may be in the hands of the wrong entities.

Art 1

Art 2

[vickyvicarious]

Before I began to restore these women to their dead selves through my awful work, [...] Had I not seen the repose in the first place, and the gladness that stole over it just ere the final dissolution came, as realisation that the soul had been won, I could not have gone further with my butchery. I could not have endured the horrid screeching as the stake drove home; the plunging of writhing form, and lips of bloody foam. I should have fled in terror and left my work undone. But it is over! And the poor souls, I can pity them now and weep, as I think of them placid each in her full sleep of death for a short moment ere fading.

I love this framing. First of all, I love that from beginning to end this is not depicted as anything like a triumph. Even though strategically it may well be so, Van Helsing takes no pleasure, not even in a cathartic revenge way, in killing them. He hates every second of it. Not just because he's afraid but because it makes him feel like a butcher, he can't endure the signs of their suffering.

But he frames it as "restoring" them. This wording is consistent with how he comforted the suitors about the necessity of killing vampire!Lucy, and I love how that doesn't suddenly vanish when the vampire is no longer someone they care about. Van Helsing's only exposure to these women has been as a scary story, or them circling him terrifyingly in the night. He never knew them as people and never will. But he still hates having to kill them, and he still finds great comfort in the idea that by doing so he is freeing them from this evil state, and restoring them back to the way they should have been after death. Mina does the same with Dracula tomorrow - even Dracula. And she has some extra reason to be personally invested there (I'll try and find my post from last year about it) but I just like how consistent this detail is.

[melliae]

Some Alchemical Symbolism (Canto VII Part 3 Spoilers)

While the title of the "Knight of the White Moon" didn't elicitate anything on me, intuition or otherwise, since she (?) was a figure already present in Don Quixote novel (despite her main blue motif, which is supposed to be the color of the quintessence, or philosophical stone), a couple of scenes catched my attention.

"Albedo: the pure, white stage in the opus, also known as the albificatio. The albedo occurs after the blackened matter, the putrefied body of the metal or matter for the Stone, lying dead at the bottom of the alembic, has been washed to whiteness by the mercurial waters or fire. [...] The albedo is symbolized by all things pure, white or silver, some of which are: *Luna (the white *queen), the *moon (because the matter has attained the perfect state of receptivity, ready to be imprinted by form), [...]" - A Dictionary of Alchemical Imagery

The color white had already been present before, particularly with the Golden Bough recovered from Wuthering Heights, with its text being white even (despite the charred black color it had in the credits), but this is the first time PM hit us so gratuitosly with it. For beginners, despite the common association of vampires and night, there isn't any mention of the moon in regards to bloodfiends. It could also be some sort of representation for Bari's influence, but another fragment of the previous book leads me to another conclusion...

"The clear moonlight of the albedo leads the adept out of the black night of the soul (the *nigredo) into the dawning of consciousness, heralding the advent of full consciousness symbolized by the midday ‘ sun at the final red stage of the opus, the *rubedo."

And really, in simple terms, the entire Canto can be described as Don Quixote/Sancho "waking up" and thus developing her consciousness.

In fact, even the coagulation techniques from Don Quixote can be tied to alchemical symbolism as well, since it's one of the two main process during the alchemical Art: solve et coagula, or dissolve and, well, coagulate.

Firstly, the process of dissolution is commonly associated to water for obvious reasons, and is commonly understood as the step by which the working material is reduded to the prima materia, the primal stuff which is manipulated and refined by the alchemist. This can be traced into Sancho drinking from the Lethe, "dissolving" her identity into an infatile, primitive mindset, upon Bari's direction... which makes a lot of sense!

"The flower is also a symbol for the ‘ philosopher’s stone. The matter of the Stone is often compared to a tree or plant, because it is a growing, organic thing (see *philosophical tree). The beautiful colours which appear in the vessel at the fullest perfection of the work are represented as flowers blossoming from the plant of the Stone."

Bari is blue, the color of quintessence or the final union of the other four elemental essences, and searching for a particular flower. Xichun is very interesting in finding her, in search of the river that can potentially give immortality to the elders of her family.

Anyway, following with the second process, that of coagulation, it's commonly associated with fire, red and weapons, as they are the only method through which the volatile spirits can be fixated in place.

In the first image, at the left, we have the king being pierced by a personification of Mercurius, which can be understood both as the guide of the Great Work itself and its end result. Now, do I have to remind you who brought the Golden Bough to La Manchaland? Sansón is deeply related, one way or another, to Bari, after all.

And by that matter, Sancho's spear acquired a golden and bright light during the last quick-time event, similar to the colors of IDs' extraction. This, in turn, means that Sancho used "fire" to kill Quixote at the end, burning and cleansing the corrupted, rotten matter so "it" - she - could reborn.

"Blood: [...] The alchemical blood appears in various forms throughout the opus. It first occurs as the blood of death and sacrifice at the opening of the opus, when the old body of the metal (or outmoded state of being) is dissolved or killed in order to be renewed. The alchemical principle of death and putrefaction is based on the idea that nature could only be renewed after first dying away"

Naturally, the correlations aren't 1:1, so I can't be fully sure if all this was on purpose or just purely accident. But if this holds any truth, then it means than Limbus Company has officially moved from the Nigredo stage into the Albedo stage of the Magnum Opus, maybe in accordance to Dante's clock hands (but again, I'm not sure).

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

(I actually think TTPD is full of so many parallels to older work that I could like, quote the entire album.)

Do it (inserts image of Kermit the frog wearing a black cloak)

Jokes aside, I’d love to read what parallels you found with her older work

OK well now that you’ve put me on the spot, I can’t actually think of them that freely 😂

This isn’t going to be exhaustive, nor particularly accurate I guess, but maybe more like… similarities? (Man, I’m gonna fumble the ball here.)

This is kind of out of left field, but from the very first listen, for instance, But Daddy I Love Him reminded me of Love Story. I joked on release night that But Daddy was just the unfiltered version of Love Story; the girl is the Scarlet Letter because she’s the loud, mouthy heathen who’s been caught with her dress unbuttoned iykwim. The girl in LS feels misunderstood, is infatuated with this boy, begs to run away with him away from the prying eyes and judgment… Which is exactly what the narrator in BDILH feels too, except more explicitly. The girl in LS is demure and mindful, the one in BDILH gives zero fucks. Which is reflective of Taylor’s own evolution in her relationship to her public image, I feel: she strove to be a perfect role model never putting a foot wrong in her younger days, but the whole point of TTPD is that she is done listening to anyone else’s opinions on how she lives her life. In LS, the boy talks to her dad and pulls out a ring, and in BDILH, no one else is invited to that wedding after everything she’s learned. For all we’ve talked about how one of the major themes of TTPD is about reclaiming her youth, I think it’s kind of genius that BDILH, intentionally or not, plays on the song that launched her megastardom as a teenager and gives it a grown-up bite.

This is maybe less parallels and more just a continuation of a story, but I think one of the obvious ones is You’re Losing Me and So Long, London. One of the immediate callbacks is the thread from “I can’t find a pulse, my heart won’t start anymore” to “I stopped CPR, after all it’s no use.” YLM comes at a crisis point, the make or break moment of the relationship, and SLL is the aftermath reflecting on that. Her stopping the CPR after that moment in YLM is what leads to the dissolution of the relationship and the reflection in SLL.

The rest of the two songs mirror each other so painfully well. “Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?” To “You say I abandoned the ship, but I was going down with it.” “How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying?” To “You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues?” “I know my pain is such an imposition” to “Just how low did you think I'd go before I'd self-implode?” “How long could we be a sad song 'til we were too far gone to bring back to life?” To “So how much sad did you think I had, did you think I had in me? How much tragedy?” “I wouldn’t marry me either” to “I died on the altar waiting for the proof.”

And I think the one that really brings it full circle is the evolution from “My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick,” to “And I'm just getting color back into my face, I'm just mad as hell cause I loved this place.” In YLM she’s dying a slow death at her partner’s ignorance (unintentional or willful) of the crisis she’s in, and in SLL, the decision to leave has brought her back to life, even if she mourns everything she had to give up to get there. To go from sitting in the room that was once lit with what they loved to sitting in the dark mulling this life-changing decision, to reflecting on the moment of “warm sun” in her life that this relationship will ultimately end up being in her memories (but just that: a memory, not a life) is really nuanced, and really shows how it’s the end of a chapter but not the end of the book.

Another parallel that is so powerful is between The Manuscript and, among others, All Too Well, but really so much of her work from her younger days, as well as the ATW music video. This is maybe cheating because it’s not like a 1:1 parallel, but just the way that The Manuscript reframes so much of her older work and experiences is illuminating. The way in ATW the early memories are wistful, feel like home, etc., and you can feel the warmth radiate through the music and the lyrics, but the slightly unsettling melody of The Manuscript highlights the unease in which that situation actually occurred. To go from sweet disposition and wide-eyed gazes heading out of town to be together, to realizing a decade later that that might have been less romance and more manipulation? What a gut punch.

Similarly, when you think about “nights when you made me your own” in the context of “He said that if the sex was half as good as the conversation was, soon they'd be pushin' strollers,” you really feel how her youthful naivety about their relationship was heavily influenced by the way this person laid it on thick. Like, all these years later, she wasn’t wrong to feel like this thing was serious, or for being so bewildered when it ended. It’s just that what she failed to realize at the time is that what she took as a promise, he intended as foreplay. Then the way the bridge of The Manuscript reveals what is presumably the shooting of the ATW video, where she comes to the realization of just what she went through and how she’s been able to use it to make her art and heal? That’s beautiful.

There are soooooooooo many more, but I’d be here all day, and similarly, I can’t think of any off the top of my head.

[monstrouslyobsessed]

Hey,I have a question, if the Beastfolk cheat on their human mate… the human mate can get a divorce?the cheater Beastfolk can force the human to go back to them by the law? Is there a famous example of something that happened simular to this situation in this fictional world?❤️

oh, good question! for clarity's sake, here's the part one of the cheating taboo in beastfolk society.

this post sadly got long with my nonsensical rambling so it's all under the cut!

so considering the fact that the cheating is considered the "scarlet letter" in beastfolk culture, yes. it's easier if you're in more progressive area and depends on what era you're living in. it wouldn't be easy, but doable for the human spouse to file the...i wouldn't say divorce because the beastfolks hold different views on marriage* (more on that below), but severance to free themselves from their (ex) beastfolk partner.

severance would probably be a more fitting term for the dissolution of the relationship (regardless if the relationship's against the human's wills in the first place).

anyway, it's much easier to end the relationship if there are no children involved (which is unheard of, given how driven the beastfolk society is to have children, particularly with their declining population to the human's, but it can happen). if there are children, however, it's...difficult. complicated, even. but if you happen to have the ex's family's support (or even any beastfolk's support, actually), they will vouch for you to dissolute the relationship in court. there may be stipulations in order to be freed from the ex (such as having to hand yourself over into another beastfolk's custody, staying under the ex's family's care, etc.), but this is mainly for the child/ren's benefits though.

again, keep in mind, this is highly dependent on when and where you are. if in a more progressive area and era, you actually do have a fighting chance to get out. but if in a more conservative area, unless you have a friend (sugar daddy/mama who fell in love with you) who is made of money, you're SOL. more progressive regions may even provide you a lawyer pro-bono, especially if you have evidence of the ex's cheating. reminder, cheating is extremely taboo in beastfolk society--far more so than ours, where it's often forgotten within a few months. It's so taboo for the beastfolks that it's often a lifetime of shaming. even incest isn't as looked down upon to that extreme.

in conservative areas, the cheater will just be publicly shamed, but society will still pressure you to stay with them ("for the childrennnnn!"). however, they won't force you to remain with the cheater physically, they will drag out the process (such as screening the cheater for STDs, which can take months, even though while you were already cleared long ago), and may even place the cheater behind the bars. they'll encourage you into staying with the cheater's immediate family and expect you two to find a "compromise" for the sake of your children (if any or presumed).

of course, this creates a huge loophole for any cheater with a working brain cell to exploit to crawl their way back into your life though.

now, suppose that the severance did go through, but the ex wants to get back with you? anything could happen, really. considering beastfolk society's heavy focus on children's well-being, no severance is ever truly permanent. it's just a basic independence card for the human until they become involved with a(nother) beastfolk, without being labeled as a cheater. in some areas, there might be extra layers of legal protection from being attacked and taken by a beastfolk (be they the ex or otherwise), but this, too, is very area (and era) dependent, unfortunately.

one example i could think of that would be made into a hallmark-styled movie is probably something like...

a gorilla-based treefolk businessman who often travels and his human spouse who they had a child with. the treefolk is soon caught for cheating and having another family--whoops! the human, being smart and having lost love for their cheating spouse, files for severance and presents all the evidence to their lawyer. within three months, they clear out the house and leave with their child, leaving the cheater fuming and desperate.

i....actually imagined that this movie got remade several times lol in the original, there's a 'bad ending' that upset so many sensible viewers, since the human returned to the cheater after constant harassment and probably adopted the second family's kid/s when something happened to the affair partner (probably implied to be murdered by the cheater, idk). considering beastfolk society's consistent views on cheating yet focus on the kids' welfare, this movie probably got very mixed reviews. the next remake probably featured a much better ending, casting the human in a more positive light (humans were viewed in negative light back then by the beastfolks) for putting their beastfolk child first and being sensible to keep contact with the ex's family.

so, anything can happen regardless of the relationship status. i'm sure if the cheater beastfolk is very wealthy/influential even in the progressive region, no laws can prevent them from getting their human back anyway.

i'll have to think more on this one, but i hope this helps answer your questions! <3 it's a complicated set to answer, and tbf i cannot speak legalese, I can only share the concepts of inequities between two races swirling around in the nugget that is my corrupted brain.

*to the beastfolks, "marriage" felt too...politically charged. in our own irl history, marriages have often been used as political tools. now, don't get me wrong, the beastfolks do have a history of doing the same (indigenous chiefs surrendering children to protect or merge tribes to better benefit everyone was and still is a very common example)--but they are very driven by their own instincts. In most cases, this instinct produces stronger and healthier children, so they tend to trust themselves to find compatible mates. ofc, this isn't always true for every beastfolk though. anyway, for the reasons above, they prefer terms like "mating" over "marriage". i'll probably talk more about the political involved relationships another time to keep this short...er. er. yeah. tl;dr, they're more romantically inclined.

[grison-in-space]

Hi! Just wanted to say, re:veganism discourse: Excellent Opinions, Great Delivery, Immaculate Vibes 👍 have a great day :)

cheers, ty! it is honestly sort of surprising to me that folks are reading along--as I said to someone else in DMs, I kind of figured that response was mostly something I was putting together in my own head, so I'm pleasantly surprised it's resonating with other people.

I am also just. :| not thrilled to have to be typing up all these "and here's how caring about animal welfare can radicalize you down all these shitty pathways if you add X and Y and Z" because at the end of the day I do think all species are worthy of basic respect; at the end of the day I do think there's nothing fundamentally better about me as a human than any other species. At the end of the day it actually matters a lot to me that my research mice are kept with as much enrichment as I can give them and that their lives and bodies and effort are honored and used wisely. It matters to me that the dogs I teach and the people I teach to train their dogs are learning with minimum stress and maximal confidence. These are all really important planks of my personal code of ethics!

It sucks to feel like I need to sit down and enumerate all the reasons that I think this other perspective of people who start in the same place I do--animals are neat individuals who encompass both the alien and the familiar, which share our lives in a multitude of ways--has developed in such a way that I think it encourages a really toxic way of relating both to animals and ourselves. In general I prefer to focus on places where I can agree with other folks, even if their opinions are different from mine. Someone in the notes brought up "struggle sessions," which are kind of the epitome of toxicity within the left: good values and a desire to help one another get so channeled through perfectionism and backbiting that you wind up with people gathering to literally torture and destroy each other. (Not just in China, either; it keeps happening, cf. Synanon in the US and the dissolution of the Japanese United Red Army.) That's not the kind of way I want to interact with people I'm supposed to be working together with.

So I try not to do that shit too much. I think about the places where people who have values just like mine go down rabbit holes and wind up in bad places, and I try and build barriers so I don't get burned out and angry and dissolve in a puff of flame. (I'm not directly engaging further with this anon for that reason, actually.) But just--aaaaaaaaauuuughhh, ARAs really irritate me because I can see where the roots are, and yet the entire ideology means that there essentially can't be listening. You can see that in the way I'm sitting here going "No, I know what your ideas are, here's why I have rejected them," and still I am getting exhortations to just listen and understand about ARA ideology. No. I did that, the last time there were protests about it in my workplace I went ahead and read the actual detailed IACUC reports released by FOIA that the protestors were shouting about, and bluntly it was a) not convincing and b) exactly the same appeals to emotional knee-jerk reactions and emotional flooding that I decried yesterday. Twenty years I have been checking my responses to these people, and it's never anything different.

I don't think that removing emotion totally from ethics and morals is wise or even possible--we use emotion for decisionmaking and encoding our values, after all, a person without emotion literally cannot decide things--but I do not like or tolerate subcultures that won't leave space to sit, think, and let the first knee-jerk rush of gut response die down. Sometimes, often, I do decide that my gut reaction is right! But I need the space to sit the fuck down and think about it, and if you take that to an ARA space you will mostly get flooded with more emotionally reactive imagery until you agree or leave. And that is coercive.

[humbledragon669]

S1E6 – The Very Last Day of the Rest of Their Lives P1 - up to the dissolution of the Horsemen

Well can you believe it? The last episode of the first season! And the first thing I want to make a note of is… the episode title. I really struggle to make sense of it because, linguistically, the only way something can be the very last of the rest of anything, is if it’s the very last of the thing at all. I can sort of make this idea make sense if I look at it from the perspective of the end of episode 5, where Armageddon is starting, and it does very much look like the world is about to end on that particular day, but it feels pretty woolly to me. Neil has been asked about this particular episode title before, but his answer did not help me wrap my head around the concept. In fact, it just made things worse:

Nope. No, I’m sorry, but that makes literally no sense. Anyway, I don’t want to get hung up on the little details... Hey, didja notice how Crowley (aka Aziraphale) greets his trial panel in exactly the same way as he greets Hastur and Ligur in the graveyard?

And that throw away line about getting some houseplants is pretty telling when you remember that  it’s actually Aziraphale delivering that line (oh, spoiler alert there I guess, but I would have thought that anybody reading this far into the labyrinth of my brain wanderings is probably going to have seen this show at least once before). It shows that Aziraphale knows exactly what the inside of Crowley’s flat contains, and that the only thing he would care about enough to actually furnish a space is houseplants. One thing I do question though, is how Aziraphale would know who Hastur and Dagon are. He definitely would have known who Beelzebub is, saw her on the tarmac at the airbase in fact, but those two? I don’t know when he would have come into contact with them before, particularly in their demon forms. Crowley could have given him a description of as many of the named demons as possible I suppose, but it’s a bit thin as a theory goes. But more curious is presence of the montage at this point in the episode.

It’s just short of 7 seconds long, and takes place less than 2 minutes into the episode. It also happens to contain the entire storyline for the episode in reverse. Shots of Aziraphale (Crowley really) tied up in Heaven, Aziraphale and Crowley in the park together, the Bentley and book shop in their respective restored state, Adam with Aziraphale and Crowley complete with wings, Satan breaking through the tarmac – it’s all there. It even comes complete with those fuzzy little lines that you used to see when you were rewinding a video back in the days of VHS (yes, I do actually remember that) to show that we’re watching events in reverse. It’s not like we haven’t seen montages used to represent the passing of time in this show before, but this is the first time it’s been done with parts of the story that we, the audience, haven’t yet seen. It goes by pretty fast so it’s not like you’d be able to work out the plot by watching it in real time, but I think it’s a risky play nonetheless.

Next curious thing in this episode. The music playing from Crowley’s Bentley as he approaches the gates of the airbase is different to what we heard in the previous episode. It’s the same song, but it’s a different section. Not only that, but the music continues playing from inside the car after he closes the door, whereas in the previous episode the slamming of the door cuts the stream of music off abruptly. There is nothing else different about this rendition of the scene from the one at the end of the previous episode as far as I can see but it’s a subtle difference that I find interesting, especially when you consider how many of the beings involved in the events leading up to Armageddon come to have somewhat blurry memories of what happened.

I have to say, the depth of Crowley’s grief at the loss of the Bentley came as something as a surprise to me when I first watched this show.

It’s true, we’ve seen him driving the car a fair amount in this season, and we saw him repairing the dents and other assorted damages following his collision with Anathema in episode 2, we even saw him giving it a pep talk as he willed it through the flames in the previous episode, but he talks about it here almost like a pet.

You were a good car.

But if I was surprised at Crowley’s response to the Bentley’s demise, I was more surprised at Aziraphale’s refusal to allow the demon to grieve purely because he still thinks of himself as “the nice one”. Well, mate, for someone who’s supposed to be inherently “nice”, you aren’t showing an awful lot of compassion here, and towards the being in the whole of existence that means the most to you too. Honestly, there are a lot of times I have been quite forgiving (no pun intended) of the angel’s behaviour because he genuinely believes in his own goodness, but I struggle with this. WHY IS HE BEING SUCH A PRICK? And who said he had to send the soldier anywhere (complete with magical miracle noise, in case you missed it), or harm him in any way? He could just have miracled the gun away, or slid him into unconsciousness like Death and Adam have already done with entire groups of soldiers. Is he just so used to Crowley doing all the footwork in situations like these that he’s lost the ability to think for himself? Or is it that him being “the nice one” is part of their agreed partnership, and that’s the role that the two of them have agreed he will play, not because that’s what he inherently is, but because that’s what makes the most sense and would usually be the most comfortable role play for them? Perhaps it really is the latter, because it’s not too long before we see Crowley make a conscious decision to resume the role that he is being expected to play.

I can’t help but feel like the incoherent noises that Crowley makes are his attempt at trying to ask Aziraphale to deal with this next group of soldiers because he’s not done grieving. I should think he knows he’s pushed his luck on that front a bit too far when his bumbling is greeted with this look from Aziraphale/Madame Tracy:

That is the face of woman/man/angel that is not to be dicked about with. And he knows it, giving himself a pep talk and asserting his position in a way that almost makes it sound like it was his idea in the first place. Almost.

Side note: there are a couple of lines missing from the original script here that I feel very sore that we didn’t get to see:

CROWLEY: Aren’t you going to introduce me to your new body? MADAME TRACY/AZIRAPHALE: Yes. Right. Madame Tracy, this is Crowley. He’s… Well, we’re sort of business associates.

Sad as I am that we didn’t get to see those lines, the tirade of double entendre from Aziraphale telling Shadwell to brandish his weapon so that they can “lick butt” almost makes up for their absence. Watching Crowley’s physical reaction because of his choice of words goes the rest of the way.

It’s interesting that he manages to use this phrase at all, even if it not only looks but sounds as if he’s about to throw up; he couldn’t even bring himself to say the word “Heaven” when he was screaming in the book shop earlier that same day.

Quick note about R.P. Tyler: this really is one strange little individual. He seems to think that a child causing damage to some plants is equivalent to that same child waltzing into a highly classified military air base. Eejit.

We’re taking a quick visit to the soundscape again, inclusive of an Easter egg. I am in no way surprised at the use of a harmonica at the beginning of this scene, particularly given the stage directions provided in the script:

The feeling here is spaghetti western.

I am not of the age that I would remember the original film and scene that this is clearly an homage to (the “Man With a Harmonica” stand-off scene from Once Upon a Time in the West), but I have been to my fair share of Muse concerts (I think I’m in double figures now), listening to the “Man With a Harmonica”, to get the reference. A tribute to the original piece was also used in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, again as a backdrop for a stand-off. I have absolutely no doubt that David Arnold’s treatment of the Omens theme tune in this way was intended as both atmospheric and as a pastiche of a piece of music that is arguably the most well-known of all spaghetti Western soundtracks.

Do you remember how I waffled on about the parallels between the members of The Them and the Horsemen? Well, in case you weren’t sure about that being a thing, or maybe just hadn’t cottoned on yet, this shot should spell it out loud and clear for you:

It’s interesting to see the character development that Aziraphale has gone through since his realisation that Heaven is perhaps not as “Good” as it portrays itself to be when we see him taking control of Shadwell’s gun to kill the Antichrist with, something which he has adamantly declared that he would be unable to do previously.

Crowley’s stance on the other hand appears not to have changed at all – he’s more than happy to support the decision to end the life of an 11-year-old boy in order to save the world, just so long as he’s not the one pulling the trigger. In fact, he not only supports that course of action, he vehemently chastises any doubts in it being the only one available to them. Madame Tracy’s interference with this particular plan of action feels to me like another statement of a recurring theme throughout the show – that the presence of free will is an inherently human quality. On this occasion, we see two non-earthly entities that both believe that there is only one course of action to be taken (i.e. there is no free will) whose actions are disrupted by a human entity who believes that this cannot be the case. What’s interesting to me is that the theoretically weaker of those entities, the human, wins out this little battle, suggesting that the actions taken as a result of free will always be victorious when pitted against actions taken through a lack of choice.

I absolutely adore watching Crowley’s expression when Aziraphale and Madame Tracy are separated. He can barely take his eyes of the angel, except when Madame Tracy announces that the separation made her feel “all tingly”.

That side glance looks almost jealous to me… And what's with the little head dip with the flirty yet smitten (smited? smote?) shoulder squaring…

Oh, that’s right, it’s love. And probably not just a little bit of gratitude and relief that Aziraphale has been returned to him, at least for the moment. There’s even a slow blink at the very end of that clip that looks a bit like he might be trying to keep the tears away. This tiny sequence of body language cues has my heart melting every time I watch this scene, and bearing in mind that David is actually acting in the background of the shot here it speaks volumes to just what an incredible job he’s doing that I don’t watch anything in the foreground – my eyes are firmly fixed on him and his reactions. I’m pretty sad we don’t get to see the moment when Aziraphale goes to join Crowley (this assumption is based on the positioning we see in this shot and the one immediately after Newt tells Anathema he isn’t really a computer engineer) – there is a part of me that screams to see the eye contact and facial expressions involved in that whirlwind of inevitable emotions.

For a show that’s filled with dark comedy, there’s a slightly jarring sense of social delicacy in the dissolution of the Horsemen in that we don’t see any of The Them actually land a “fatal” blow. We see them take up the sword, see them holding that same sword after they impale their respective Horseman, we even see the suggestion of an impact, but we don’t see the brutal imagery of an 11-year-old child thrusting a weapon through the middle of an adult-shaped monster. The speech at the end of this episode is heavy on the subtext of the disappearance of innocence from children as they grow older, and I suspect the desire to maintain the feeling of childlike innocence in each of The Them is the reason we don’t see them committing a very violent act. We’re not only allowed to maintain that image, but it’s strengthened by Adam’s empowerment of each of them to do what needs to be done, and his assertion that the things they’re doing battle against aren’t actually people, but concepts. It makes the whole thing feel like children playing games in the woods, which I think is probably the whole point, and the reason we saw them doing so much of it earlier in the series (and especially in the book – honestly I actually got a bit bored of how much “children playing in the woods” content there was in the original text).

As a side note, and knowing that it has been pondered over by many others before me: how did Aziraphale’s flaming sword become War’s flaming sword?! I remembered to look in the FAQ list for this one, and couldn’t see that it has ever been answered.

Next side note: Dagon says that all of the legions of Hell that are readying for battle were angels before. Does that mean that every demon is a fallen angel? Because that’s a lot of fallen angels (Beelzebub says that there are 10 million of them later on in the episode).

That’s also a pretty big revolution to have taken place “before the Beginning”. Surely if you were in charge of a place where half of your employees took place in an uprising, you’d have to question the validity of your leadership skills? There’s a little kudos going out to the sound editors here too – that effect of Beelzebub’s voice to make it sound like she’s buzzing like the flies she’s lord of is brilliant, mostly because it’s not there all the time, but fades in and out for maximum effect.

I also love the idea that a nuclear holocaust could all be avoided by running the disk defragmenter. It’s actually kind of appropriate, the job of the defragmenter being to rearrange important elements so that they fit together better, eliminating bad clusters as it goes, and all to ensure the hosting system can perform more smoothly. Feels like quite an appropriate analogy of a world gone mad with war.

Bearing in mind that I have been rattling on about parallels between the members of The Them and the Horsemen, there’s something interesting about Death’s parting comment to the group on the tarmac.

I AM CREATION’S SHADOW. YOU CANNOT DESTROY ME. THAT WOULD DESTROY THE WORLD.

If we’re considering that the previously mentioned pairings are mirror images of one another, would this suggest that Adam also cannot be destroyed? Or would it mean that his destruction would result in the creation of something else? Or if we took the words literally, would that make him the product of shadow (“shadow’s creation” instead of “creation’s shadow”). I like this latter idea, given who his father is (at this point anyway), but there’s something to be said for his potential for creation too, especially given his chosen name. I think there’s probably a lot to be said for possibilities for Adam’s character, which I’m planning on exploring in the future so I won’t go into this any further here.

Given the repeated suggestions we’ve seen that death = starlight (I’m paraphrasing for simplicity) in this show, and in other works by the original authors, it’s hardly surprising that Death disappears into a cluster of starts. God even tells us that, although they look like stars, they may be something else entirely, and that they reside within Death itself.

The complete dissolution of the Horsemen feels to me like a good place to stop. As always, questions, comments, discussion: always welcome. See you next time 😊

[lolaandthens0me]

Hey Lola! I love your posts and content! I gotta ask this: What has your Poly Journey looked like for you, and is there anything that I should be mindful of within my own journey?

Salutations Anon! And thank you for the kind words.

Wow, what a fantastic question! It has been quite the journey filled with much love, some heartache, an abundance of patience and growth, and real hard work in self-awareness and compassion...along with more than a smattering of fun, fuckery, and so.much.travel.

My journey began with a quiet aching within my heart and unsettledness within my gut. I think I've always known that I was polyamorous and bisexual, but I've not always had the vocabulary to express that. I am a being with an extraordinary capacity to love, and although I had so much love within my marriage (and still share with my ex), my heart was calling for more. There came a time where I felt that if I didn't make a change, the real person I was inside was going to be gone forever. The part that makes me Lola. I believe that I was put on this Earth to love, to share my body, and to share my heart and empathy in order to help others learn how to heal and love themselves.

The first step was to learn how to communicate honestly, even if it meant hurting someone I loved. I read books and blogs about how to be an active communicator instead of a passive one. And then I practiced. I surrounded myself with wonderful friends who listened, pushed me to speak my truth, and helped me figure out just what is was that I felt I was missing, I was being called to pursue, and they supported me, every step of the way, in who I was becoming.

Then I had to learn how to ask for what I want. This is a lesson that I continue to relay to all of my friends and partners. I have learned how to compassionately, but confidently and with kindness, ask specifically for what I want. One way that I continue to do this is by being very upfront about who I am and what kind of life/relationships I want with any potential play partner/kinky friend/partner...the people that I want to be my whole, true, unedited self with.

I also had to do the hard thing. After months and months of therapy, couple's therapy, open, honest conversations, time spent alone and together, trials of compromise and an open relationship to a degree - I had to say that I wanted to separate. I was married for almost 15 years at this point. That was one of the hardest days of my life. But I felt caged, frail, like the color was being completely drained from me. They say that it takes a good 2 years after a separation/dissolution/divorce to get your life back to something normal again. I have not quite made it to that mark yet...but I believe that's true. My ex and I chose to rewrite a new chapter for our relationship, to write our own book, to remain friends and in each other's lives...and wow, has that been hard. But I am so fucking grateful and happy that we've done that work. And we are in a wholly different, beautiful place.

Now for the fun, but also tricky part...I began forming new relationships. I think I've always known that I would be someone who would want and thrive with a Primary partner. I was lucky, my Primary partner, RY, was a friend first, and grew very organically and beautifully into more than that. We both made a promise to each other very early on that we would keep checking in and evaluating the health of ourselves, our processes of getting over a breakup, and the state and wellbeing of our relationship as it blossomed and grew into what it is today. As long as we were both still growing individually and encouraging each other into happy and healthy people, then we would continue growing our relationship. We communicate openly and honestly about everything, we have been patient in allowing one another the space to mourn the loss of our marriages with empathy, and we have taken our time to rebuild ourselves, bringing our best selves to each other. It worked out that he also was looking to explore polyamory. We're both still new at this, but we talk about and work through every growing pain along the way.

Then along came my other partner. She and I had a connection right away. Our close friendship naturally grew into something more. She and my primary partner were also friends, and honestly, I think that really helps. It is just amazing to see the two of them talk and laugh and genuinely enjoy being around each other, and they both reach out to one another in their love for me. I was always clear about who RY was to me and what our relationship was, and so that helped lay the foundation for my second relationship. I check in a lot with her to make sure that she feels loved, seen, and heard, and that we have enough time in person together. It's fantastic that we can be things and do things with one another that just simply don't fit into our other relationships.

I have learned what my boundaries are (and the fact that I actually need boundaries) within myself to ensure that I remain intact and wholly my own, as well as a giving, loving, deeply connected partner. It was important for me to live by myself right now, not something I've ever done before. I made this choice for the past year because I know my codependent tendencies and I wanted to break out of that mold. I still struggle sometimes with not giving all of my energy to those I love. I must save some for myself and I have found ways to replenish that energy. Time and energy; I'm still learning how to balance these within a polyamorous life.

I continue to work on approaching every conversation with empathy and an open mind and heart. I continue to keep searching within myself and bring that self-awareness to my relationships. I continue to push myself to see a different way and live a different way. I continue to surround myself with open-minded people that see me, know me, support me, and love me in this new life I'm creating. I continue to take time to be by myself and breathe. I continue to search out new opportunities that challenge me and fulfill me. I continue to be a student of life. And I continue to lean into love.

I love you @resonantyes and @hbananer - thank you for this life.