#if it's on my blog i think it's interesting and probably worth talking about

[lettersiarrange]

Kind of surprised I have to make this post, but as a PSA, I don't agree 100% with everything I reblog

Sometimes I reblog things because I think they're an interesting perspective I hadn't considered before, but want to think more about. Sometimes I reblog things because I agree with the overall point even if I disagree with the phrasing of some things or minor points. Sometimes I reblog things I'm still making up my mind about, but that I thought added value to a conversation. Sometimes I reblog things whose ideology I align with but that take a completely different approach than I would.

I'm not going to write out a whole thesis in the tags on every post about which sentences I agree with and which I don't. I think if you've been following me for a while you know my values and what I'm about, and it's fair to assume that perspectives that show up over and over again are things I really do fully agree with. I'm never going to reblog something I fully or mostly disagree with without commentary making that clear, but if I see a post that makes a good point but that I have some more nuanced feelings about during my Mindless Scrolling Time, I might reblog it without putting on my Academic Hat and deconstructing every bit of it in my reblog. Maybe I'll bring it up to a friend irl later if I have a lot of Thoughts.

The only thing you should assume I agree with 100% without question are posts I write myself. And even then, if the post is more than a year old, I may have grown and changed some of my opinions since then.

Just wanted to put that out there because I've gotten a few asks recently that say something to the effect of "I can't believe you really think x" (referring to a post I thought had an interesting perspective I hadn't seen articulated in that way before), or "wooww, [quotes a line from a post that's referring to a specific approach I wouldn't take, but respect the right of other people to]". Like sorry but if you have an issue with the way a post is written or the choices of the person writing the post, consider taking that to the OP??

If you want to come into my askbox and start a conversation in good faith abt something, that's fine. Please do definitely tell me if you feel like I've reblogged something that's part of a broader context that doesn't seem in line with my values but that you think I probably am not aware of. Ie, I reblogged a post with terfy undertones without realizing, or I reblog something that I think is just being critical of the government but is actually contextually part of an anti-voting strategy/discourse. It's ok to say "hey I was surprised to see that on your blog, I didn't think that aligned with your values"-- maybe I'm missing context or am still figuring out how I feel and would welcome other perspectives.

But I'm not going to take responsibility for how other people phrase things or the choices they make with regards to how they live their values/politics. People coming into my askbox mad about one sentence of a post I reblogged, assuming I agree with the post 100% and would say that myself, without making an effort to educate/discuss in good faith, will be ignored.

Surprise surprise, reading something and thinking it would be valuable for other people to read too is not the same thing as endorsing the entire text uncritically by default.

If you want to know how I actually feel about something, feel free to politely ask.

[candlebel]

I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.

[waywardsalt]

oh yeah i’ve got a bunch of loz aus that i haven’t really talked about. a few of them are listed and slightly explained in this poll and explanation reblog but i haven’t gone out of my way to actually list the aus i have and really explain them. so that’s what this post is for. here are some... decently simple explanations of my major aus and what they're generally about

i have two kinds of aus: original aus (loz aus that are set in their own kinds of worlds with their own stories and twists on character roles) and then crossover aus (we all know how this works i just mash loz and a thing i like together)

original aus: (many currently dont have actual titles, so the titles will often just be concept shorthand)

in the court of the crimson king/crimson king au: probably the most developed and closest to being written out. it's got one of the longer premises; set in a industrial-esque hyrule city, following linebeck as the main character, as the adoptive older brother of link and aryll, living with them and their grandmother as the only one able to reliably make money to pay for rent and food, leaving every other week to do jobs, but he moonlights as the 'demon of the gray moon', a masked persona he'd created as a child that had long since become a city-wide urban legend, anonymously taking unsavory jobs from whomever can contact him and offer pay, often working directly for bellum, a childhood friend, the one who enabled and trained him to become the demon, and one of five anonymous leaders of the city. linebeck effectively lives a double life, and tries to stay out of too much trouble to avoid drawing attention to himself or making his adoptive family worry, but he gets dragged into more and more danger as bellum becomes curious about the identities of the city's other leaders, and linebeck falls in love with a man named ganondorf, suspected to be one of those other city leaders. ive got a few posts related to it already: this one being another vague concept descriptor, this one being an actual scene i have written out.

'gimmick' au: i cannot explain the gimmick without spoiling the au. put simply, in this au, hyrule as a whole has been at war for ten years, every race and kingdom taking sides in a conflict that seems to be going nowhere. link joined the hylian army young, and has made his way up the ranks to become trusted by queen zelda herself, and things in the war take an interesting turn as he and zelda discover a new faction, unaligned with any particular kingdom and with unknown motives, and zelda decides to set out to the different parts of hyrule, link and a chosen group of trusted allies in tow, intending to try negotiation one more time before things take a turn for the worse.

sci-fi/space au: the fun one that probably would need to be done in a visual medium. it takes place in a solar system of a few planets, link growing up on the planet hyrule and occasionally traveling to the others as a knight specializing in investigating and taking down dangerous bounty hunters, working for zelda as a friend. he and zelda uncover a plot by the yiga clan to accumulate a number of highly dangerous research and weapons held by each species as they aim to resurrect a demon to wreck havoc on the solar system- the b plot being about the top bounty hunters in the solar system screwing around, eventually colliding with link and zelda's a plot as it begins to involve them.

murder mystery(?) au: one of the older ones, maybe one of the oldest that i still stick with. this might actually be one of the first ones i tried writing. the plot begins when zelda returns to hyrule city years after her father- the former mayor- was murdered, finding that he has been replaced by ganondorf and that while things seem fine enough on the surface, random and organized crime run the show, and she begins a private detective agency as 'sheik', a masked young man, and with the help of impa, and old friend and confidant, she moonlights as sheik and uses her daytime identity as zelda to help chip away at some of the city's biggest problems and finds herself drawn into a long string of murders that appear to be anything but random violence.

ruined hyrule 1: i have two au’s with the premise of hyrule being ruined. neither of them have more specific names yet. this one begins with the majority of greater hyrule's population having long since locked themselves in hyrule castle town in order to escape the increasingly dangerous wildlife. zelda, a young girl at the beginning, becomes curious about what lies beyond the city walls, and makes friends with many other children within this sheltered hyrule, and as they grow up together, aim to eventually venture out into the wilderness to see what may have caused the outside world to become so incredibly hostile.

ruined hyrule 2: the other ruined hyrule. set in a devastated hyrule, roughly ten years after the royal family was killed, link failing to save them or hyrule in the time since. he now resolves to set out and indiscriminately destroy every demon that plagues the ruined hyrule, meeting and bringing along various allies, each of which has been uniquely affected by and have different lived in this altered, dangerous shell of hyrule.

modern (school): i also have two modern aus. this one isn’t plot driven, just a concept i have, would work best as little vignettes or something. essentially just the idea of a group of loz characters hanging out together in a modern high school (or college?) setting.

modern: this is the one with an actual plot. follows the general idea of zelda characters living in a modern world only for the typical legends to begin resurfacing and heralding dark events. plot specifics are murky, but that's the general idea.

dark mage: this is the au that where the seas meet the sands takes place in. basically just ganondorf x linebeck shenanigans in this alternate hyrule while actual plot sneaks up on them. named 'dark mage' mostly because the initial idea behind this au was that linebeck would learn magic.

horror au: doesn't have the best name, and it's ended up just being a personal sandbox for me. constantly changing, with the cast and setting often altering if i find that something isn't working or sticking. it's an au i've considered (and even briefly tried) writing in the past, but it's still too fluid, and writing horror effectively is difficult. it's a fun au, though.

mecha au: spawned because i watched neon genesis evangelion. a lot of this au's basic concepts can be found here: x but the short version is that hyrule is being besiged by massive monsters, but each race has created their own mechs to combat them. link is just a farmer who happens to have a strange knack for being a mech user, so is brought in by zelda as a gamble to bolster their chances, and he is tasked with working with a new and less-than-trustworthy crew to help fight those monsters.

'amnesia link' au: an au that sprang up in about a day and hasn't gotten too far since. basic premise being that three years prior to the story, link and a group of allies has faced off against ganondorf and, despite their best efforts, lost, with link being presumed dead by their enemies. now, link has woken up from his coma, his memories gone and hyrule taken over, and, with guidance, must once again travel across hyrule, aiming to rediscover his allies and try to face ganondorf once more.

A quick list of crossovers: I won't explain these in length, since they can range from having their own plot to just being a fun mental concept. So, the things I have made crossover aus with are:

Warrior Cats

Batman

Jojo's Bizarre Adventure

Persona 5

Pokemon

(there are other, smaller ones, these are just the ones i consistently pay attention to)

So! These are the majority of my legend of zelda aus, some of which I may write, some of which just exist in my mind for fun, all of which I wouldn't mind talking more about if anyone is curious!

[kaijutegu]

Aug ABSOLUTELY deserves the praise, @ryukikit. St. Augustine Alligator Farm is one of my favorite animal facilities, hands down. It's a pretty zoo, doable in an afternoon if you kinda like crocodilians, or an all day affair if you REALLY like crocodilians. Here are my favorite things about it and why I think it's worth supporting.

1. They keep animals in interesting social groups.

Crocodilians are heavily involved parents, but most places that breed them don't have the enclosure space to let the babies stay with the parents. St. Augustine does. One of my favorite groups was their crèche of slender-snouted crocodiles. They had the parents and then a yearling cohort and a new hatchling cohort. This aligns with how these guys live in the wild- the babies stick around longer! They have the space for it, and they are very in tune with the social needs of their animals.

Very, very few zoos can keep their baby crocs with the adults and still perform maintenance and animal health checks safely. This doesn't mean these facilities are bad- it just means that they have different management practices. And frankly, a lot of these species aren't frequently bred elsewhere. Your average zoo doesn't need a setup where you can have a multiyear crèche for slender-snouted crocodiles. Some species have better success when the young are pulled early, and some zoos are better set up to raise out any offspring separately or behind the scenes. Every facility's practices are different, and this just happens to work well at St. Augustine and be really enjoyable to see as a zoo patron.

Crocodilians are exceptional parents and very protective. It's a sign of incredible animal management practices and animals that feel very comfortable with staff that St. Augustine can do this with nearly every species they breed.

2. They understand the social needs of their animals.

Some crocodilians are social. Some are solitary. Some can live happily with a member of the opposite sex but get territorial around members of the same sex. St. Augustine pays incredible attention to their social groupings to ensure that they aren't just meeting the animals' physical health needs but their social needs as well. They do continuous scientific research about social structures in crocodilians, taking blood samples to test stress hormones and observing stress behaviors to see how group dynamics change.

For example, St. Augustine is home to one of the world's largest known living saltwater crocodiles, Maximo. And his comparatively tiny mate, Sydney. During the educational presentations with these two, they point out that even their monster of a croc needs his social group- he won't eat if she's not around and he is calmer during medical checks if he can see her. These animal share a deep and special pair bond, and they make sure to talk about how the social aspect of these animals' lives is integral to their care. It's a unique aspect of the way they talk about these animals, because he IS a spectacle and he IS a sensation, but they don't talk about him like he's a mindless killing machine- they talk about him like he's a big, complex predator with social needs like any other animal. Aug is the only facility I've been to where the emotional and social needs of crocodilians is part of the education they provide guests- and speaking of education...

3. Their demos and presentations are extremely good.

The presentations at St. Augustine are some of the best I've ever seen, and I've seen literally hundreds of animal talks on everything from aardvarks to zebras. But as you... can probably tell from my blog content, I've spent a lot of time learning about and working with reptiles. I really enjoyed all of their presentations because they are very scientific about things and avoid sensationalism. They really want you to be fascinated by these creatures and love them- but more than anything else, they want you to respect them.

Also, they do a really good job handling their ambassadors. I really enjoyed something as simple as watching an educator tell us about snakes. Throughout the whole presentation she made sure that most of the snake's body was looped in her hand. The snake was always supported and was very calm. She gave the snake plenty of head room so that it didn't feel constricted- it was just good handling all around.

But also, the presentations made it clear how much the park cares about the animals' well-being. When they do the feeding and training presentations, they make it very clear that the animals' participation is entirely voluntary. They do things differently for their 9-foot saltie and their 16-foot saltie, because the 16-footer is so large and heavy he actually struggles walking on land sometimes. They adapt their programs and his care to ensure that he's completely comfortable- and he didn't actually participate in the whole feeding when I was watching! At no point did they try to push him into anything uncomfortable; they offered, he didn't engage, and they moved on. It was a clear expression of his boundaries, and I really appreciated how much his caretakers respected that.

4. Ethical Interactions

I've been to... a lot of tourist locations in Florida that have animals you can hold. Almost always against my will! Many of them are pretty terrible, and you don't actually learn much, if anything. But I really found that to not be the case at St. Augustine. Every single animal presentation and interaction opportunity was accompanied by education about the animal's biology, habits, and- crucially- their conservation status.

When I held a baby alligator at St. Augustine, the proctors- there were two, one to ensure I was holding the gator correctly and the other to educate- were very informative about the role alligators play in their ecosystem and their conservation history. The animals were all properly banded, and one of the two proctors was there to ensure that none of the baby alligators were uncomfortable. As soon as they started getting squirmy or tense, they were removed, unbanded, and taken to an off-exhibit area to relax. And when the babies age out of petting size, they just go in the lagoon to live with others of their species. I saw one upset alligator the entire time I was there, and he was clearly upset that his escape attempt was foiled by a keeper during my nursery tour.

Even though he's restrained in this shot, you can see that his full body and tail are supported, and the grip, while firm, is gentle. He's distressed, but after I took this picture, she put him in his enclosure and he calmed down immediately.

Sometimes when you have petting attractions with baby animals, those animals... don't have a happy ending. (See: cub petting.) But St. Augustine's program is fine- the gators are all aged out of wanting to have mom around, there's no declawing/defanging, and they're handled with care. And it's worth it, because people love what they understand. St. Augustine was integral in raising public awareness about alligators back in the 60s when they were endangered, and now they're thriving- largely in part to programs like St. Augustine getting people to care.

And speaking of getting people to care, let's talk about their research.

5. Shared Research Results

St. Augustine is also home to more species of crocodilian than anywhere else in North America- all of them, usually. (They didn't have a Tomistoma when I visited- that may have changed.)

Because of this species diversity, it's an incredible research resource. Having every species means that you can do a lot of work comparing their behaviors, their growth patterns, and more. They've been a major research site for crocodilian biology since the 1970s. Today, they're one of the key sites for studying crocodilian play and social behaviors. They actually maintain a blog where they post copies of papers that were written using their animals, meaning that you can actually see the results of the research your admission helps fund. You can see that right here: https://www.alligatorfarm.com/conservation-research/research-blog/

All of this adds up to a zoo that provides a unique experience, tons of actual education, and transparency about what its research and conservation steps actually are. St. Augustine's come a long way since its opening in 1893, and they really do want you to leave with a new respect for the animals they care for. Ultimately, if you're a fan of reptiles, you can feel good about visiting the St. Augustine Alligator Farm- their care and keeping are top of the line, they do a ton of innovative conservation research and support for conservation organizations, and you can see this animal there:

(Gharial from the front. Nothing is wrong with her that's just what they look like from the front.)

[1moreff-creator]

Extra DRDT CH2 Episode 12 Thoughts

Heya! After making my last post where I just live-blogged my immediate reaction to the episode, I had a few more thoughts that I figured I should write down somewhere. They’re all too small for their own posts, but I still think they’re worth sharing.

Spoilers for CH2 EP12

CW: Murder, hanging, suicide.

The Water Thing

This episode brought up two interesting points which had rarely, if ever, been discussed within the fandom: Arei’s body swinging, and her body temperature and its connection to water. And while I’m relatively sure I saw one or two people mention the swinging at some point, the temperature issue is certainly a new one.

The swinging was explained in the trial: Arei’s body was hung shortly before it was found. But J says something interesting; the corpse should have been warm, unless it was drenched in water and dried. Paraphrasing a bit, but you get the point.

However, I actually don’t think this is a big deal, just adds a slight addendum to previous murder theories. We know the killer dumped the fish in the playground to confuse time of death, so I believe the killer likely splashed Arei with the water to cool her down. This is assuming they even thought about the body temperature, but I don’t think this is a large assumption to make.

I have seen people claim that Arei’s hair looks somewhat wet in the BDA, which… maybe? Anyways, this idea would explain that as well.

This might even give us Possible Explanation Number I Lost Count for the damn missing glove. Maybe it got particularly wet and the culprit worried it wouldn’t dry quickly enough? If people discovered a dripping wet bowling glove, the whole “using fish to confuse the time of death” thing would kinda go straight out the window. I have no idea if that makes any amount of sense, I don’t see why the glove would dry any slower than the rest of her clothes, but oh well.

Arturo’s Talent, and his Recap Foil: Levi

(Here’s the link to the original Recap Foil Theory post by gleamingtempest, in case you don’t know what I’m talking about).

Kinda forgot this was a thing when first watching the episode, but now looking back on it, there’s some neat foiling going on. Levi and Arturo’s backstory already were somewhat opposites in some aspects: Arturo got away from home himself while Levi was disowned, though Levi seems to hold a higher degree of respect for his family in comparison to Arturo. Levi is (now confirmed!) a murderer with no remorse, while Arturo accidentally caused Felicity’s death to some extent and clearly feels guilty about it. Etcetera.

Well, we can add a new detail to this foil! Arturo’s been training his talent since he was twelve, while Levi has admitted since introduction that he’s “a novice to fashion.” Neat detail, and certainly adds to this theory.

Terumin VS Xanvid

Thanks to Haru for pointing this out, but Teruko’s “I’ll fix my mistake” echoes Min’s “I’ll fix your mistake” from her Argument Armament. As I mentioned in the linked post, it’s cool that Teruko is taking a sort of Min-like attitude to her mistakes while calling Xander out, while David is taking Xander’s side in the same trial he calls Min pathetic. Foils and all that.

(Doomed Yuri V Doomed Yaoi, fight!)

This makes me hopeful that Min will still have some importance later. But I’m probably just coping.

What Was David Cooking?

I am kinda sick of talking about this man, frankly. I blame the almost three hour video I made on his MV. But oh well, he’ll stop being center focus soon enough. For now, His Deal is still one of the most central aspects of the episodes, so discuss him I will.

There are two big points of contention with what he said this trial. First, what does he remember about Xander? Second, what was he actually trying to do by pretending to be Arei’s murderer?

The first is pretty simple to assume, I think. David remembers whatever Xander did to become the Ultimate Rebel, and respects him as a result. Especially since Xander’s numeral I in LGI, the Footnote 14 code solved by y-prime, is “I have always looked up to you.”

I don’t think David has Hope’s Peak memories, despite his weird wording with “even if you all lost a year of memories.” He specifically says he and Xander had never met in his Prologue introduction, before they had any real reason to believe they’d lost memories. The LGI video also doesn’t add anything, because… well, it’s not a Milgram MV. It doesn’t come from his memories, it exists purely in meta. This is evident from the comments referencing Byakuya, Nagito and Kokichi, characters these people should have no knowledge of as Veronika claims not to remember anything like the DRDT killing game happening before; certain references to conversations and details David shouldn’t be aware of (mainly in numeral placement), etc.

(While I was writing that, the dev seemingly clarified that David does not have Hope’s Peak memories, then deleted the tweet, so. Just in case, there’s the full reasoning)

The second one is trickier. David is following Xander’s ideals, but that’s all we know. We don’t have a concrete idea of what Xander’s ideals really were, and it’s even harder to know what David thinks Xander’s ideals were.

David: I’m sure he had a good reason. I believe that he did. Xander is not the kind of person to do anything for frivolous purposes.

He believes Xander had a good reason for trying to kill Teruko, he says he’s sure of it, but he never implies to know exactly what the reason was. And if he doesn’t know the exact reason, he can’t for sure say what ideal Xander was upholding by doing what he did.

But, he knows what Xander was trying to do; kill everyone. Because if it was just Teruko, he wouldn’t have tried to mislead people with the CD thing. Although, Xander was following that one note that said to “kill Teruko Tawaki,” so it could potentially be targeted.

So, taking credit for Arei’s murder to try and kill everyone is because Xander tried to do something similar. But the deeper reason he gave, about the nature of the killing game, is it true?

(Apologies in advance for the particularly horrible collage. I am without a reliable computer atm)

David [Annoyed]: Ugh, fucking fine. You want an answer so badly? Any answer?

[Face covered] …

I…

[Sweating] Ah… We’re… in a television show, after all. That’s… what MonoTV said, right?

“Entertainment” is an ongoing show.

If Min successfully got away with the very first murder and escaped while we all died, isn’t that way less interesting for a TV show?

What’s the point of roping 14 other people into one murder, only to kill them all off immediately?

The killer is supposed to fail and get executed. We’re all supposed to catch the killer, again and again, and participate in trial after trail. You’re *supposed* to try to survive.

All of you, who are trying to slice these class trials to continue living on are playing straight into MonoTV’s hands.

[Confident] As if I’ll accept that.

I don’t care how low I’ll sink, or how despicable I’ll have to become. I’ll do anything to carry on Xander’s ideals by ending this killing game, even if it means that I have to dirty my hands.

Oh, this man is lying out his ass.

This is not an answer you hesitate over if it’s true. The words David is saying are neutral; the show is meant for entertainment, and it’s not entertaining if people die early. There’s no controversy there, no reason to be nervous. Especially since Eden’s already come to the same conclusion.

Veronika: You know, Eden once thought of an interesting plan to end the killing game. Based on everything we know, it could theoretically work.

[…]

To make a television show so boring they have no choice but to shut it down.

All we have to do is nothing.

You’re not supposed to be sweating when you’re effectively repeating something Eden said, even if under a different context.

First, David says he’ll give “any answer”, already making anything he says shady. Then, he seems to deliberate on what to say, which is already suspicious.

The most notable thing is that when he starts talking about the TV show, and what it means for it to be entertaining, he still hesitates. If his plan really was to make the TV show boring, once he decides to spill the beans, there’s nothing to hesitate about.

He only regains his confidence at the end, ironically when he’s saying the actually insane stuff. He finally finds the character he was trying to play and actually says something true; he wants to uphold Xander’s ideals and end the killing game. But I really don’t think it’s because he wants to make it boring.

In other words, he’s not lying about wanting to follow Xander and end the killing game, but his explanation about the entertainment has nothing to do with that. It’s way too simple of an explanation for the amount he hesitates. At least, that’s what I think, I may be wrong.

That brings us to the question; if he didn’t take the blame to make the game boring, why did he do it?

Well, currently and without too much confidence, I believe it has to do with Xander’s secondary goal; killing Teruko Tawaki.

One of the most well-accepted theories in the community is that David’s secret, “everything in your life is worth killing over [and] the killing game is all your fault,” isn’t Xander’s, but Teruko’s.

(In fact, side theory: I’m betting (on little evidence) that by the end of the trial, it will be David with his fanboy knowledge to point out that the “survivor’s guilt” secret that Min “received” was actually Xander’s, and reveal by process of elimination (since it’s likely going to be revealed in the trial that Hu has Veronika’s secret and Veronika has Hu’s, assuming those theories are true) that Min has the poison secret. It’s a bit of a wild prediction, but I think it’s a reasonable possibility to how the series would go about confirming the secrets of the dead)

That, combined with the fact that Xander followed a note that told him to kill Teruko, would certainly be enough for David to decide that Teruko’s gotta die. And killing everyone in the class trial is probably the best way to ensure that happens, since David probably doesn’t hunk attacking her directly is a good idea. If Xander, physically the strongest student in the cast, couldn’t get past Teruko’s luck, what the hell is David supposed to do? Especially now that she carries a knife, though I’m not sure David knows that.

It’s not even that out of nowhere; in the LGI video, Teruko’s numeral XIII appears next to a quote regarding the child of Omelas among other things. Very long story (skip to 1:22:22 in this video for the full explanation), but the child of Omelas is someone who must suffer so everyone else can live in a perfect world. It’s possible David thinks of Teruko, for one reason or another, as the Omelas child; she’s gotta die so everyone can be happy. She is someone “deeply unloved” after all.

Now, is this a stretch? Certainly. But I don’t think David’s telling the truth about his motivations, and I think this is one of the more likely options as to what exactly he was cooking here. I’m sure there’s better explanations out there, I just haven’t seen them :v

David VS Whit

I kinda skipped over the “Red Herring pun to David Freakout” line at first, but I think it’s pretty interesting that David gets so mad at Whit’s behavior. They are Recap Foils, so it makes sense they’d have strong emotions towards each other.

In particular, I’d like to point out how David gets mad at Whit for something similar to what he does as a motivational speaker.

I mentioned it in the previously mentioned section of my LGI analysis, but I believe part of the reason David hates Teruko is that he sees himself in her (pessimistic, thinks the world won’t change, etc), and this would be the other side of that. David constantly says things he doesn’t believe to make people happy, and he considers that to be pretty stupid, so it makes sense for him to get frustrated when seeing Whit doing something similar, trying to raise spirits by telling jokes. Looking at Whit is sorta like looking in a mirror, and David hates that. The mirror in LGI is labeled “reflection is due” for a reason.

I’m not fully sure this works 100%, but I think it’s at least worth considering.

Updates on Eden!Culprit Levi!Accomplice

In case you’re new here, here’s a link to my post detailing the Eden!Culprit Levi!Accomplice theory, which I came up with alongside some other theorists, and is what I currently believe the murder to be. My thoughts on possible character motivation and the such have shifted a bit since then, but the important part is the physical evidence. In particular, the combination of Lockdown Logic to determine Eden most likely took the tape from the gym and the Fish Timeline to determine someone else must have helped her get the fish, combined with the overly complicated murder method which I describe in detail, leads me to believe Eden is the blackened, and Levi helped her kill Arei.

I’m not going to talk about other theories, I’ll let the dedicated theorists perfect them with the new evidence in their own time. But, how does this theory change?

On the surface, uh, not much. We haven’t talked method much, after all.

(Side note, I know some people are bothered by how long that’s taking, and while I kinda get it, I’m not bothered by it. We’re in no rush; I prefer it if all the character conflict is addressed at some point, even if it delays talking about the actual method. Better than it going unaddressed, after all)

The only change is adding that they splashed Arei with water to hide her body temperature, but as discussed, that’s a minor change.

The big wrench thrown into this theory is the end, because… I’ll be honest, dear audience, I have no clue what Levi’s cooking here. Like, at all. Zero read on why he’s revealing his secret. I could try to speculate, but I can’t find any fully satisfactory answer even outside the Levi!Accomplice theory. Nothing makes sense to me, so I’ll just wait for the next episode before trying to read into it.

There is one unrelated thing I want to bring up, though, and it’s related to Levi’s possible motivation. I know this is one of the biggest sticking points in the theory (obviously), so I’d like to talk about it.

As a refresher: although alternate ideas have been offered, my current guess is that it has to do with his desire to be a good person, and the fact he considers Eden a good person. Cue the whole “A Good Person” hidden title behind “All That Glitters.”

Levi: Perhaps I messed up yesterday. But I want to move on. I want to keep trying to become ‘a good person,’ like you, Eden.

The idea goes like this. Levi thinks Eden is good, and so he wants to do good by her. Based on the secret quote in the code of his character page, we can tell he prefers to speak through actions. He’s a bold action man, and that can cause him to come off as heartless.

Levi: I always believed that a person is defined by their actions alone. But maybe that’s just a poor excuse for my heartlessness.

My personal theory (again, other Levi motives are possible) assumes that Levi believes someone will win the killing game eventually (and this is an assumption, I won’t deny it), and if only one persona can escape, he’d rather it be Eden than anyone else. Again, “good person.” Levi will die, sure, but unless he becomes a blackened himself, he’s going to die regardless whenever someone gets away with murder.

Now, this isn’t anything drastically different than what I said in the theory post, so why am I bringing it up?

Well, the thing is… Doing something horrible, throwing away your own life and those of most of your peers, all for the sake of the one you’ve deemed to be “a good person”…

Now where have I heard that before?

David: But doing “good” things requires sacrifice. Sometimes that sacrifice is being seen as a good person.

Even if doing something makes you hated, if that action is for a greater good, then it’s an action you have to take.

Xander is a good person. He’s the only good person I’ve ever known. I swear, I’ll follow in his footsteps and—

Huh. Funny how that works.

My point is that not only is “doing good by the only good person here” now a pre-established line of reasoning these characters can have, Levi doing such a thing for Eden would be a very interesting parallel to what David tried to do for Xander.

This isn’t evidence, to be clear. Just because one guy does it, doesn’t mean a completely unrelated dude is gonna do it too. But I’m calling it now as a potentially interesting parallel to explore, either in canon if I’m right or, like, an AU if I’m wrong :v

That said, I will point out that Hu’s capital G Girlboss Moment is directly after this, the one where she chews David out for deciding what’s best for all of them without consultation. And a little bit afterwards, Levi starts acting weird, apologizing for being useless, revealing his secret, etc. These two things could be connected, if Levi is, like, having second thoughts after that.

I could see a world where Levi’s trying to bring the conversation towards the right answer without fully committing to it, only for something or someone to somehow convince him back to accomplice-hood middway through it. I find that immensely unlikely, to be clear, but again, I genuinely have no idea what Levi’s trying to do right now, so.

All in all, a pretty neutral episode for this theory. Next one could completely break it, though, so I’m excited. I might have to come up with new theories! >:D

God I missed DRDT. And the only drawback of coming back is re-opening LGI trauma :D /silly

Anyways, thanks for reading! See you on the flipside!

[goodluckclove]

On Not Writing

Hi! I'm back. i had a fun two days of doing absolutely nothing writing related, including scrolling this blog. Wife and I played a lot of Valheim. Took a lot of bike rides. Watched Interstellar for the first time - pretty good, kind of silly at the end. It was my first two-day weekend in probably three months, so it was much-needed, hard as it was.

And it got me thinking of some things I wanted to say to the community here. It's especially targeted towards younger writers, of which I used to be one, but I think it can apply to anyone who finds themselves despairing over how much they aren't writing.

Let's imagine you're sitting with me in this coffee shop. It's an overcast Portland morning and I just inadvertently vivisected a croissant. And as we sip our drinks (I ordered a lavender latte), you lament to me. I don't know what to do, Clove. I just haven't been writing!

You know what I say to that?

Good.

This is a new hot take of mine that I, once again, worry about upsetting people with. Because I see a lot of guides here about how to write, or how to write consistently, or how to write through writers block. But I haven't seen a single person talking about the inverse - how to not write. Or - perhaps more accurately - how to exist as a human being separate from your identity as a writer.

This is a problem for me.

Listen - I started young. I was 12 when I wrote my first novella, and 13 when I completed my first novel the next year. Adults in my life were impressed by the big-eyed child writing so many words. They encouraged me. I wrote two more novels, and they continued to encourage me. Because of the potential, right? I could be successful. I could be famous.

People stopped pushing me to try other things. I saw I was getting validation as a writer, so that only pushed me to continue fixating over something I was already enjoying and getting pretty good at. Dad had me writing two thousand words every day, because that's what Stephen King did. At 16 I finished four full-length novels, which everyone thought was really cool and interesting. I was also sporting dual hand braces every day throughout the winter to cope with the carpal tunnel I still struggle with to this day.

There is encouraging a person in their passion. There is also poisoning them with the belief that their self-worth comes from pursuing that passion. This is entirely, absolutely, even more true for younger writers and artists.

I am enraged for the young writer in my heart and in my head. Because they worried about a lot of the same things I see people worry about on here. Oh, if I don't write I'm not a writer! And to an extent they're right, as to be a writer you need to at some point write some stuff.

But here's the fucking thing, Young Clover - a child should not strive for the work ethic of a professional adult. You did not need to write 2k words a day to be a writer. You were a writer as soon as you updated that terrible Invader Zim fanfiction you wrote when you were 10.

And more than that, though, the most important thing to a person should not be their job and aspirations. If you don't write every day, you're still a writer. If you've never written anything, you aren't - and that's fine. You might write something later down the line, or you might not. Either way you are still entitled to exist on the planet and capable of living a full and passionate and wonderful life.

Hear my words: being a writer is not more important than being a human being.

If you aren't writing right now, maybe you're not supposed to be. Maybe you're meant to be nurturing your relationships, or nurturing yourself. Maybe you're supposed to be volunteering. Or meeting new people. Or gaining a new field of knowledge. Or getting really good at making focaccia bread. Or watching every Mark Wahlberg movie.

I don't like to hear this any more than you do. If I was told that I, for some reason, was not allowed to write for the rest of my life, I would be miserable for maybe a long time. After that passed it's my hope that I would move on and do other things, because my worth is not dependent on being a writer. I like doing it. I like being it, and I hope to be one for the rest of my life. But I never want it to be the first thing people see when they look at me. I don't even like bringing it up in conversation with people I don't already know.

So yeah, if you have "writer's block", maybe consider putting down the pickaxe and getting some rest. Step away entirely from the large boulder that stands between you being the next Stephen King or Brandon Sanderson or Teen Dystopia Writer no. 2321. Take a break, and I mean an ACTUAL break, not the kind where you spend the whole time sulking about work.

I am legitimately begging the writers on here to have developed lives and interests outside of writing. I am begging because I do not have that and it has consistently been one of the hardest things of my life.

You prioritize living outside your writing and it will improve the quality of your writing when you get back to it, as it'll allow you a frame of reference that extends beyond our niche industry. Or it might make you realize that, while you enjoy writing, what you really love is ceramics. Or game developing. Or mutual-aid activism. Or the movies of Mark Wahlberg.

It is not your job to treat yourself like you already have a dozen deadlines and an audience teetering on the edge of disappointment. That's ultimately not going to help you. Your job on this earth is to exist fully, for the sake of the universe that wants so desperately to live vicariously through you.

So breathe. Breathe and calm down. You aren't a failure and there's nothing you have to prove. All you have to do today is drink some water and have a nice snack while you look at a cloud.

Please be kind. All of us need to be kinder to each other and to ourselves.

That's all I want to say. I love you dearly. Please let me know if you need anything.

[subskz]

pay attention - h.js

note: this is a reupload from my old blog

content: sub jisung, dom reader, jealousy, brat-taming (sorta), jisung is very childish, use of vibrators, edging, orgasm denial, slight exhibitionism, lots of begging, very light degradation/humiliation, reader’s sex is unspecified

word count: 5k

A loud, exaggerated huff met your ears for what must’ve been the thousandth time that day, and for the thousandth time that day, you ignored it.

Jisung was seated across the room at the kitchen table, his meal untouched and long forgotten in front of him. Instead, his eyes were locked on you, inwardly begging for you to just spare him a glance as you strolled around the kitchen, fully immersed in the phone call you were having with your coworker.

You had a major project due in just a few days, and you’d spent the better part of the past two weeks talking with your team members over the phone and meeting with them to work on it. Jisung hadn’t minded how busy you were at first. He was happy seeing you get along with everyone so well and working hard on something you were passionate about. At some point, however, that happiness had started to waver.

More specifically, the exact moment he came to realize just how often you seemed to be talking with a certain member.

Every time Jisung came across you chatting on the phone, it was with the same guy. He couldn’t help but begin to wonder irritably why a group assignment would require so much one-on-one interaction between the two of you, and he often found himself listening in on your calls with a bit more interest than necessary when you were nearby.

Things had only gotten worse from there, when he ended up making yet another unwelcome discovery to add to his sense of unease—that being, how often you tended to break out into laughter while talking with the other man. Jisung had grown used to being the sole object of your affection, with all your fond grins and playful eyerolls directed at him. As much as it wounded his ego to admit, it bothered him that there was someone else who could draw out your laughter the same way he could, the same way he prided himself on. 

“He must be pretty funny,” Jisung had commented one day after you’d ended your call, trying his best to appear nonchalant.

You’d put your phone down with a faint smile. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Not funnier than me though, right?” The words were out of his mouth before he could think to stop them, and he nearly cringed at himself for sounding so blatantly insecure.

He was met with a disbelieving snort from you, as if the thought wasn’t even worth considering. “No way,” you’d hummed.

That, coupled with the affectionate poke you’d given his cheek, had instantly made him relax. Jisung was grateful, as well as a bit ashamed, that you hadn’t caught wind of the thinly-veiled concern in his question. It seemed you had more faith in his maturity than he probably deserved.

As the week continued and your deadline drew closer, that brief period of reassurance had faded away little by little. Every time you left Jisung to go meet with your team members for hours on end, or took another call in the middle of what precious little free time you had with him, he felt more and more neglected. He knew it was selfish, but he couldn’t ignore the undeniable pit of jealousy that had been steadily building up inside him. It was like a constant, nagging itch that he couldn’t quite reach himself—you were the only one who could scratch it for him.

He would give anything for you to talk to him for longer than just a few minutes at a time or hold him in your arms without using your other hand to type away at your laptop. And on a deeper level, he craved the familiar comfort of your touch and your addictive words of praise in your more intimate moments together. Every part of his mind and body were crying out for your attention. To focus on him and only him.

He was, after all, every bit as needy as you liked to tease him for.

It was for that reason that when your phone had rung in the middle of your lunch, interrupting the first meal you’d been able to share together that week, Jisung had done away with his last shreds of common sense and decided that he’d reached his limit.

“Your food’s getting cold,” he called out, still not taking his eyes off of you.

You paused to glance over at him, and he felt his spirits lift just a bit as you flashed him a quick, sweet smile. “Just a second, Hannie,” you replied. “I’m almost done.”

The warm feeling in Jisung’s chest fizzled out as soon as you returned to your call, turning away from him and continuing to discuss the seemingly endless details of your project. He lifted his chopsticks to prod at his food half-heartedly, letting out yet another annoyed huff for no one to hear but himself.

Just as he was about to give up on convincing you to join him, the sound of your laughter filled his ears again, making his skin crawl with that same jealousy that had grown far too familiar for his liking in recent weeks.

Jisung stood up suddenly, pushing his chair back faster than he’d intended and creating a harsh squeaking noise that instantly caught your attention.

“Seriously,” he complained, not bothering to watch his volume. “Just hang up already.”

Your eyes widened at his outburst, and you pointed to your phone urgently in an attempt to get him to lower his voice. He made no effort to, however, a hurt pout forming on his face instead. “You’re supposed to be spending time with me, right? Tell him you have to go, I can’t wait any more.”

His whine echoed throughout the kitchen, and you covered the speaker of your phone with your hand, trying to mask the sound of it. “Jisung,” you scolded under your breath. “I told you, I’m almost done. This is important.”

“More important than me?” he mumbled.

You raised an eyebrow, thoroughly confused as to why he was being so difficult over something as silly as your lunch. Before you could say anything else, your coworker spoke up again through the phone.

“You there?” he asked.

“Yeah, sorry,” you replied, giving Jisung one last concerned look before preparing to continue the conversation.

Jisung’s pout morphed into a full-blown scowl as you brushed him off yet again.

“You don’t like me anymore,” he announced loudly.

Your head darted in his direction to give him a warning glare, but he held your gaze stubbornly, puffing his cheeks out in a way that would’ve been adorable if it weren’t for his behavior. A part of Jisung knew exactly how unreasonable he was being, but it paled in comparison to the other, which had become far too consumed with pettiness to care.

“Hey, give me a minute,” you told the man on the other line, quickly muting your phone.

Jisung shrank slightly into his hoodie as you made your way over to him, the exasperation evident on your face. “Jisung,” you began. “What’s up with you?”

He stuffed his hands into his pockets, giving a tiny, irritable shrug. “You’re ignoring me.”

“I’m not,” you retorted. “You know how busy I am this week, but it’ll all be over in a few days. Just be patient, babe.”

There was a pause, and Jisung looked conflicted, making you think for a moment that you may have gotten through to him. It was short-lived, however, as he furrowed his brows immediately after, unsatisfied with your reassurance.

“I don’t want to be patient anymore,” he grumbled. “You’re always with your team members, especially that one guy. And what’s so funny, anyway? Why are you always laughing with him?” Jisung’s voice rose in pitch, his habit of speaking too fast kicking in and turning his words into one, indecipherable ramble. “Seriously, you can’t even stop talking to him to eat with me.”

You pressed your lips together, feeling a faint tinge of guilt as you realized there was some truth to what he was saying. Though you’d certainly had your work cut out for you on this assignment, there was no need to let it take up your time to this degree, especially considering the fact that you had a whole group of people to help you out. On top of that, it was no secret how much Jisung thrived on your attention, and receiving so little of it for the past two weeks was bound to have taken a toll on him.

It was just like him, really, to feel like his place was being threatened over something as harmless as a work project.

Though you understood his feelings, you held your ground, too annoyed by the fact that he was being so ridiculously childish about it.

“Don’t be silly. We’re covering the same section, that’s why I have to talk to him so much.” You crossed your arms. “You know I’d rather be spending time with you than working.”

“Then pay attention to me.” Jisung whined, not missing a single beat. He reached out to tug at the sleeve of your shirt, and the needy gesture accompanied by his unfairly cute expression nearly made you falter.

You sucked in a deep breath, using all your willpower to resist his doe eyes. “As soon as I’m done,” you said sternly.

Jisung made a noise of protest as you brought your phone back to your ear, ready to unmute it. Without thinking, his hand flew up in an attempt to snatch the device from you, causing your thumb to miss its target and accidentally end the call.

Your face dropped as you realized what had happened. With an alarmed squeak, Jisung let go of your hand and backed away, immediately sensing that he’d gone too far.

You shut your eyes for a moment, gritting your teeth in an attempt to contain your frustration, and when you opened them again, you were met with Jisung’s guilty stare. He looked apologetic, but you didn’t miss the tiniest flash of gratification that crossed his features. The corner of his mouth twitched just slightly, almost as if to fight back a smile—almost as if he had secretly been hoping for this exact outcome.

He held his breath in anticipation as you eyed him with growing understanding. Jisung was so desperate to be noticed by you, to have your thoughts occupied with him for more than just a fleeting moment, that even your disapproving glare was enough at this point.

Something clicked inside you. Still, you studied his face a moment longer, just to ensure that you were reading the situation correctly.

“You want attention so bad?” you began slowly.

He nodded, tongue darting out to lick his lower lip in a way that made your heartbeat pick up.

“I need it.” His emphasis on the word was fully intentional. If you hadn’t gotten the message before, you certainly would have now.

You glanced down at your phone to check the time, then locked it with a heavy sigh that masked the excitement bubbling up inside you.

“Fine.”

You took hold of Jisung’s wrist, hardly giving him the chance to react before guiding him to the other room. He stumbled after you with little resistance, and when you came to a stop in front of the bed, he gave you a look that was all too eager.

“Undress,” you ordered.

Jisung hesitated, cheeks flushing at the sudden request.

“What’s the matter?” You tilted your head. “Since you’re so shameless today, go ahead and show yourself off for me.”

The scorn in your voice compared to your gentle reassurances from earlier made Jisung’s stomach flutter. His hands quickly reached down to grab the hem of his hoodie, pulling it over his head and tousling his hair in the process. He was wearing nothing else underneath, and you admired his lean frame with a quick onceover before motioning for him to remove the rest of his clothes as well.

Jisung’s fingers began fumbling with the waistband of his shorts, only for him to pause again. “Help me?” he asked with a pout.

You refused to let that pleading look of his get to you a second time. “Be a big boy and do it yourself.”

Your chiding earned an unhappy hum from him, but he complied nonetheless, pushing down his shorts and wriggling out of them along with his underwear.

“So worked up already,” you commented, shaking your head. “Does it get you off, acting like this? Aren’t you embarrassed?”

Jisung’s blush grew deeper, and he instinctively moved his hands to cover his half-hard length. He braced himself as you came closer—half-expecting you to touch him like he’d ached for so badly for days now—only to yelp in surprise as you gave his chest a light nudge that made him topple back onto the mattress.

“Stay just like that,” you commanded.

He sat up on his elbows, looking ready to object, but you didn’t bother to stick around and listen.

You headed towards the closet, already set on how you were going to deal with Jisung. He was going to get his wish, but you planned to grant it in a way that would leave him even more frustrated than before.

After some digging around, you were able to find what you were looking for—a hitachi wand and vibrating plug. Grabbing them along with a bottle of lube, you quickly made your way back to the bedroom where Jisung was shifting his weight anxiously from side to side. He parted his lips in surprise as he saw the toys in your hands, a nervous sort of arousal building in his chest.

“What are you gonna do with those?” it came meek, completely unlike his earlier, childish demands. 

“What you wanted.” You popped open the cap of the lube bottle. “Hannie needs all eyes on him, right? So I’m gonna sit back and watch while you entertain me.”

The whimper that left Jisung only solidified your decision, and he lifted a hand to paw at you. “Th-that’s not—” he began, cutting himself off when you moved out of his reach. “I…please, want you to touch me instead.”

“Such a greedy boy,” you clicked your tongue. “You should be quiet and take what you can get.”

Jisung let out a small, miserable noise before laying back down in defeat. Despite his protest, his cock hardened fully against his stomach as he watched you squeeze the lube onto the plug, lathering the toy until it was thoroughly coated.

“Spread your legs for me,” you directed.

He did so instantly, parting his thighs and raising his back off the bed just slightly to make things easier for you. Carefully, you lined the plug up with his entrance and prodded at it. Jisung exhaled heavily, trying to relax his body as you began pushing it in bit by bit. A shiver ran down his spine from the familiar sensation of being filled up, and he couldn’t bite back the soft, satisfied moan that escaped him.

Once it was fully inside, you gave Jisung’s cheek an approving pat. He squirmed around in the sheets as he adjusted, hissing lightly when the toy brushed against his prostate. You motioned for him to sit up, watching closely as he complied. It was exactly the kind look he’d missed, a look that made him feel like he was made for your eyes only.

As soon as he was upright, you brought the hitachi wand to hover above his length, making his breath hitch. “Please,” he squeaked as you pressed down on his already dripping head, smearing the droplets of precum around. “Don’t tease me.”

“You think this is teasing?” you hummed. “You’re in for a rough time, then, baby.”

At that, you pushed the button on the wand and it buzzed to life, earning a sharp gasp from Jisung. His whole body jolted as the vibration rippled through him, and you once again found yourself marveling over how sensitive he was.

You kept the vibrator steady, holding it against his tip just long enough for him to grow restless before beginning to move it in small, deliberate circles.

“M-more,” Jisung whimpered almost immediately. “Want more.”

“You’re hopeless, Hannie,” you scolded.

The boy groaned, pushing his hips up to emphasize his plea. You rolled the toy around his head as slowly as possible, taking pleasure in the tiny, frustrated noises that slipped out of him.

Without warning, you slid the wand along the underside of his cock, brushing against a particularly sensitive spot and making Jisung hiccup weakly.

You held it there for several seconds, focusing on the delicate area before pushing the button on the vibrator once again to increase its strength. Jisung’s hips fully bucked this time, the burst of stimulation catching off guard.

“A-ah!” he cried out.

“Is it good?” you asked innocently.

Jisung’s hands gripped the bedsheets, and he swallowed hard before mustering up a reply. “Hah...y-yes,” he mewled. “Touch me, please.”

“I don’t think so,” you drawled. “This is all a brat like you gets.”

You were met with another pitiful whine, and it only grew louder as you moved the vibrator away from his sensitive spot and down to the base of his dick. The toy pushed Jisung’s length against his stomach, smearing some of his precum against his skin.

“Please,” he tried again. “Wanna f-feel you. Miss you.”

For good measure, he blinked his eyes open to hit you with that irresistible gaze, embodying innocence even in moments like these. Still, you managed to hold on to your resolve.

“You asked for attention, and now you’re getting it.” you said simply. “If you keep complaining it’ll only get worse for you.”

Before Jisung could respond, you used your free hand to grab the remote control for the plug. A choked noise escaped him as you pressed down on the power button it began to vibrate inside him. He arched his back sinfully, the combined sensation of both toys making his head spin.

“Ah! Wait!” Jisung gasped. “So good…m-more,”

“Hm...which is it? You want me to wait or not?”

He shook his head frantically, squeezing his eyes shut. “No! P-please,” he whimpered.

“Poor baby can’t even think straight,” you cooed. “Is this too much for you?”

“Please,” he begged, louder this time. “Don’t stop, I’m almost—”

Jisung’s words morphed into a broken moan, and when his arms began to tremble, you knew that his high was already creeping up on him. Listening carefully to the sound of his breathing, you slid the vibrator back to the head of his cock to toy with it some more.

A shiver ran down his spine as you passed over his most sensitive spot once again, causing his whole body to quiver with effort. The moment you noticed him tense up, you pulled the wand away, earning a cry of protest from Jisung.

His eyes fluttered open in alarm, trying to process the sudden drop in pleasure in his scrambled mind.

“N-no...why’d you stop?” he mewled, adorably disoriented. “Was about t-to—”

“What’s wrong, Hannie?” you faked a pout. “I’m just trying to spend time with you for as long as possible. I can’t do that if I let you cum so soon.”

Jisung hiccuped miserably in response, grinding down on the plug vibrating inside him in an attempt to draw out his orgasm. “This isn’t f-fair,” he stuttered out. “You’re being so mean.”

You didn’t bother to deny it, instead watching in delight as he squirmed around, the desperation growing more and more evident on his flushed face. He shut his eyes again, trying to focus on the feeling of the toy pressing against his walls. With a frustrated whine, Jisung released his grip on the sheets and brought a hand up to length. You raised an eyebrow as he wrapped his fingers around it and began to stroke almost mindlessly, determined to do whatever it took to make himself cum. His hand moved at a rapid pace, and just as you were about to scold him for acting without permission, another strained groan spilled out of him.

“N-not enough,” he slurred. “S’not enough…I need you. Please, please, touch me.”

You reached forward to cradle Jisung’s face in mock sympathy. “It’s just not the same, huh, baby?” you murmured. “Maybe if you'd been a good boy, I would’ve played with your needy little dick for you.”

His moment of disobedience ended as soon as it began. With a mewl of defeat, he released his cock from his hold and dropped his hand back onto the mattress. You gave his cheek a condescending pat, satisfied with his quick surrender, and leaned back once more.

Jisung’s breath caught in his throat as you brought the vibrator to tease his tip once again. You gave the toy another click, changing the setting from a constant vibration to short, rapid bursts. Jolts of pleasure shot through him with each one, and he shot his hips up eagerly in an attempt to gain more friction.

“Hah—fuck!—please,” he gasped. “F-feels so good,”

Jisung was writhing again in no time, simultaneously trying to push forward into the wand and press down on the plug inside him. “Lemme cum, please,” he begged. “C-can’t take it. I’ll seriously go crazy.”

“That’s no good, angel,” you frowned. “I’ve only stopped once. Are you really gonna disappoint me? I thought you wanted to put on a good show.”

Your voice was sickeningly sweet as you taunted him, making Jisung lower his head in shame. “N-no,” he objected feebly. “Wanna be g-good. But I—”

“At least try to hold out after causing me so much trouble,” you cut him off, moving your wrist to roll the vibrator around the head of his cock. Jisung’s body jerked at that, and a loud hiss escaped him as the plug brushed against his sweet spot, sending him dangerously close to the edge again.

His mouth fell open when you pulled the toy away a second time, leaving his length to twitch uncontrollably against his stomach. “N-not fair,” he whimpered. “Good boy, ‘m a good boy, p-please.”

You simply grinned as Jisung’s high slipped away from him again, waiting patiently for his pants to die down so you could go right back to teasing him.

Suddenly, the sound of a third object buzzing filled the room, and you realized with a start that your phone was ringing against your thigh. You slid your free hand into your pocket and retrieved the device, your smile only growing when you read the Caller ID.

Jisung blinked his foggy eyes open curiously, his interest piquing when he noticed the delighted look on your face.

It was your coworker—probably calling to see why you’d hung up out of the blue earlier. A wicked idea came to mind as the phone continued to vibrate in your palm, and you locked eyes with Jisung.

“If you’re such a good boy, let’s see if you can behave for me this time.”

His expression morphed into one of pure alarm as your intentions became clear to him, and before he could say anything, you accepted the call.

“Hello?” The man’s voice rang out as you hit the speaker button.

“Hey,” you answered casually.

Jisung stiffened as you moved your other hand to ghost the vibrator over his cock. He gave you a panicked look, silently begging for you to show him some mercy. You contemplated for a moment before lowering the setting to a softer vibration, solely so that the sound of it wouldn’t be too obvious.

“Sorry about earlier,” you told your coworker, trying to keep the amusement out of your voice as you pressed the wand against the underside of Jisung’s dick. “My connection got cut off.”

Jisung gritted his teeth in an attempt to suppress a moan, and you gently began dragging the toy up and down his length.

“No problem,” he assured you. “We were almost done, anyway. But I just wanted to double check how the last few slides are gonna be presented.”

“Sure, what’d you have in mind?”

Your words were immediately followed by a poorly muffled whimper from Jisung, and his heart skipped a beat when he realized how loud it’d come out. Despite the fear of being caught, however, he couldn’t ignore the way his arousal skyrocketed over the possibility of being heard like this.

“Well, since we’ve got two more major points to cover—”

He was interrupted by another strained gasp from Jisung, and this time, it was noisy enough for him to hear. “What was that?” he asked.

“What was what?” you feigned obliviousness, grateful that he couldn’t see your eyes glinting with hunger as you took in the sight of Jisung. He was biting down on his lip like his life depended on it, the muscles in his abdomen flexing and unflexing in a desperate attempt to control his movements.

“P-please,” he whispered, struggling to manage his volume. “Can’t hold b-back, please.”

You tilted your head at him innocently before turning your attention back to your call. “So you want me to take one and you take the other?” you asked the man on the other line.

“Yeah, I think that works,” he agreed. 

You listened absentmindedly as he continued with the details, sliding the vibrator back up to Jisung’s weak spot. His back arched suddenly, and when he clamped his jaws shut to hold back an especially loud cry, you wasted no time before pulling the toy away once more.

The choked sob that escaped Jisung didn’t disappoint, filling you with satisfaction as it echoed throughout the bedroom.

Your team member paused, growing silent on the other end. “Are you hearing that?”

“Hm?”

“Dunno...just heard a weird noise,” he said slowly.

It took all your willpower to keep from giggling as Jisung gazed at you hopelessly, chest heaving and lips trembling. “Oh, it might just be my boyfriend calling for me,” you dismissed. “He’s in the other room.”

Another pause. “You have a boyfriend?”

“Mhm.” You didn’t miss the way Jisung’s features lit up adorably at your mention of him, even in a less-than-ideal situation like this.

“Oh. I’m surprised I haven’t met him before.”

“Well, he’s a bit shy.”

Jisung’s stomach flipped as you began inching the vibrator closer to his cock, prepared to mess with him yet again. “Please,” he whined, voice growing higher in pitch. “Please, please, please,”

You felt goosebumps form on your skin, your own adrenaline spiking over how shamelessly he was begging when he knew how easily he could be heard. You hesitated for just a moment before pressing the wand against him, teasing the underside of his length once more.

“Anything else you wanted to cover?” Your question barely masked the way Jisung cried out your name, so intensely that it made your own heart skip a beat. 

“Hmm...no, I think we’re good for now!” your coworker answered.

“Gotcha. Talk to you later, then.”

“Right, bye.”

At that, you ended the call. Jisung let out a long, filthy moan the very instant you did, and you finally allowed the snicker you’d been holding back to slip free.

“Hm...you did a pretty awful job at keeping quiet, baby boy.” you remarked. “Any longer and he definitely would’ve been onto us.”

You clicked the button on the vibrator to increase its strength once more, leaving Jisung unable to do anything but squirm pathetically. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to show him that you’re mine.”

Despite everything, his face flushed impossibly more, and you knew you’d hit the nail on its head. His thighs began to quiver weakly as his climax drew near, unable to contain the pleasure that shook his body any longer. Deciding that Jisung had suffered enough, you kept the vibrator pressed steadily against his cock, urging him to finally come undone.

“G-gonna!” he warned breathlessly, throwing his head back. He rocked his hips into the mattress, grinding down on the plug until he felt the hot tension in his core snap at last. “Cumming!”

He hardly got the words out in time before he was emptying onto his stomach, splattering the tan skin with pearly ropes of cum. Moan after moan spilled out of his parted lips as he was finally granted his release, sending waves of bliss all throughout his body.

Jisung continued squirming for several seconds, and you only pulled the vibrator away once the last few spurts of his seed had shot out of him and his calls of your name faded into quiet mewls.

You drank in the sight of him, admiring every inch of his spent form before reaching for the plug’s remote and powering it off. A long, content sigh escaped the boy as you did so, making you soften.

As soon as he managed to catch his breath, his hazy eyes refocused and met yours. You gave him a small smile, patting your thighs to beckon him over. “C’mere.”

He obeyed right away, crawling unsteadily into your lap and slumping his full weight against you. Careful not to disturb him, you reached down and began to pull the plug out little by little. He made a small noise of discomfort as you did so, and you murmured gently in his ear in an attempt to soothe him.

Once you’d fully removed the toy, you leaned over to place it on your nightstand, grabbing some tissues to begin cleaning his seed off his stomach. Jisung let out a sweet hum, nuzzling his face into your neck as you delicately dabbed away.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled sheepishly. “About...how I acted. I know you’ve been working really hard.”

You raised your other hand to cradle his head. “It’s alright, Hannie. You were feeling lonely, weren’t you?”

Jisung whined quietly in agreement, clutching on to your shirt as if you might slip away from him. “You’re not mad?”

“No, angel,” you answered honestly, planting a kiss to his damp hair. “I missed you, too, y’know.”

There was a pause, then you continued playfully. “But next time, don’t be such a baby about it.”

He lifted his head at that, furrowing his brows and curving his lips into an irresistible pout. “I’m your baby, though,” he huffed.

Your fond giggle filled Jisung’s ears, and he felt more ridiculous than ever as he noticed for the first time how your eyes sparkled when you laughed with him in a way they never did for anyone else.

[guywrestlingaddiction]

What Turned me Gay: The first BGeast match I purchased - Troy & Brian Baker v Vinny Trevino & Joshua Goodman (bgeast.com)

It's no secret that Bgeast turned me gay. The combination of hot men in compromising situations, muscles straining, humiliating holds; all summed up to ignite something inside of me.  Now while all of that is worth a post in itself, I wanted to devote this time to rekindle a memory specifically about the first Bgeast match I watched, Tag Team Torture 3.  

What turned me gay (not really) ... 

Troy & Brian Baker v Vinny Trevino & Joshua Goodman (bgeast.com)

This post, inspired by the sidelineland.com blog, takes a tongue and cheek look into "what made me gay (not really)" and in thinking about the topic of gay wrestling, it's helpful to go back to the beginning - at least my beginning as a gay wrestling fan.

The Background Now, when I first viewed Tag Team Torture 3, I had no idea what to expect.  Sure I had watched porn before, but the default for porn back then (and now) was a cheesy few minutes of story line followed by emotionless hard core action.  In those scenes the guys refused eye contact with each other, closed their eyes, and probably thought of their girlfriends or something while they did the deed so in a very big way, bgeast was different.  

Baker and Baker - two reasons why I purchased this match.  Beefier Brian and Tasty Troy. 

In hindsight, I love the Backstreet Boy Look on Mr. Joshua.  This was a very popular look back then - Highlights and a Soul Patch.

And boy was Tag Team Torture 3 different, from the opening scene I realized that the focus was on the wrestling and everything, from the guys lifting weights, to the trash talk; all of this led up to struggle between men.  

Troy and Brian bonding before the match.  They build each other up saying stuff in the tone of 'you're the best, no you're the best'.  They support and encourage each other ... at least for now. 

Compare that to the other team, bragging about how much they can bench or talking shit about their opponents the "beach boys".  There's no building anyone up here, simply tearing the pretty boys down.  

In lieu of porn which hurried to climax and rushed to "get the job done", gay wrestling highlighted the emotions exchanged between our guys and what is sex really except a bundle of intense emotions.  

The Action Finally, 20 minutes in the guys start to wrestle.  I told you that gay wrestling takes it's time and slowly savors each and every popping bicep and ab and now we have the Troy Baker reveal and boy was it worth the wait...

Troy knows what we're all here for. 

And later, Troy swooning over himself.  The man and I are on the same wave length when it comes to admiring that body. 

But all that muscle just begs to be abused. 

Brian Baker is the powerhouse but he can't fight off two men by himself and it's clear that Troy is more interested in himself than on the match.  

Mr. Joshua multitasking by dominating and making his infamous "adjustment".  I love how the back of his hand goes straight from his package to smacking Brian on the back of his head.

Brian: [exasperated]: Lookout Troy!

Vinny: You like that surfer boy?  Troy: *Moan*

The Finale At this point our heroes are done for.  All that camaraderie, the hours at the gym spent sculpting those muscles, all of that vanishes and we are left with a beaten Troy Baker.  

To further the point, our heels double team the helpless Troy while his brother watches on.  Further emphasizing that there is no coming back from this one.  

Troy's abs of steel are put to the test with yet another barrage of abuse.  That golden tan is starting to turn a shade of pink as even those abs of steel have their limits.  

But the real crescendo for this match comes at the end.  When Brian seems to triumph despite the odds and an upset looks possible, that is until a weakened Troy folds under our heels.  It's that moment followed by a betrayal when our gay wrestling saga is complete and the Baker Brothers are finally broken with sound and fury. 

In hindsight it's obvious to see why gay wrestling sucked me in and became my obsession.  I've always loved the emotional highs when I wrestled in high school and bgeast perfectly captured those stories of struggle and dominance multiplied by like 1,000.   You see this story, told through sweat and humiliation is so vivid, so real, that the feelings I get now from watching a 20 year old tag team match are the same as when I first saw them and  is undoubtedly what turned me gay (not really).

[lemotmo]

This has been fun to watch. Also Buddie ❤️

Q. Good evening. I have several questions so feel free to answer what you would like. Thank you! Do you really think Tim won't bring him back at all now? And has he not ever called out Buddie shippers before? You clearly love Buddie so why don't you call yourself a shipper? Also Kristen seems to be pretty pro Buck/Tommy and very anti Buddie does she really not have any say? I've noticed you seem pretty protective of Eddie is he your favorite?

A. Good evening, anon. That is quite a few questions, but thank you for not sending them as different questions because my ask box is already full. I will answer these as best as I can (but you brought Kristen into my ask box so if the answer upsets you, I'm sorry but not sorry because I despise her). First of all, no Tim has not had to call out the Buddie shippers before. There is a huge 'annoyance' difference between 80 tweets or comments asking for the deleted karaoke scene and 60 comments telling them they're homophobic pieces of shit for not showing more Tommy. Those two comments are not the same. They do not illicit the same tonal response. One would get a kind of exasperated but essentially fond eye roll the other gets you blocked. Tim has mentioned Buddie shippers in the past but he never did it to publicly scold them, and he mentioned the B/T shippers specifically to call the behavior out. He brought them up. He made a point of bringing it up. He made a point of giving examples so the audience would know which fandom he was talking about. Look I'm not suggesting that the Buddie fandom doesn't have douchebags because every fandom does. But those voices are not the big voices in their fandom. The actresses who have played Buck/Eddie love interests can attest to the fact that they received some pretty gross comments. But they were never the target of an outright hate campaign orchestrated against them. Size is not the only significant difference between the two fandoms. And Tim had every right to call them out. It was actually long overdue on his part.

I do still think that Tommy will be back, but I don't think it will be for more than a handful of episodes, if that. And I don't look for him to have many scenes. I do think story wise it makes more sense to have his reaction/response to certain things. However if Tim/ABC said it's not worth the grief they can get away with him not being around because his character isn't the point of any of this. It's going to be ugly when he's written out, whenever that is. I think Tim mentioning that fandom in that interview was kind of his way of acknowledging that they know what's coming. I will say though that the powers that be have clearly given the approval for the cast, crew, and others involved in the show to block whoever they want to block. So we will probably see much more of it than any of them will.

I love Buck and Eddie. I love them. It is no secret on my blog. They're everywhere on my blog. I don't specifically describe myself as a shipper (yet) because I never thought the show would actually go there and I didn't want to be gutted when they didn't happen. Not everyone can do that. It's hard to do but I made myself do it for self preservation only. I wanted them, but I didn't want to allow myself to expect them because I didn't believe the show would ever really go there. I followed Oliver and Ryan's leads and they never openly encouraged anything. They were polite and thankful for the love but they never allowed themselves to engage in it, until this past season. Everything changed last season. They fully embraced it, they engaged with it, they encouraged it, and they even openly discussed the prospect of a relationship. That had NEVER happened before. Not only were Oliver and Ryan engaging in it but ABC went all in on them. When they were on the other network Buddie was kind of like this toy, marketing wise, that they pulled out and dangled in front of their audience every time they wanted/needed some attention. It was like 'hey here's this thing that you really love come watch them act like a family and look fondly at one another but no homo'. It got tiresome because it was clear what they were doing. Now, Tim had moved to Lonestar by this time so he's not to blame for that particular game. But it was a game I was completely uninterested in playing. Everything changed the moment they moved to ABC. That was their best, and frankly last, chance to try and change the dynamics between them, and instead they doubled down on them. I now genuinely believe they will be canon by the end of this season (and I will ship ship ship away 💗). They started the setup in episode 4 of last season and the show has not made it difficult to follow at all. It's mostly why Lou's fans are angry most of the time. The show has been obvious in what they're doing.

I would love to know what Kristen did that made you think she was pretty pro B/T, because if its based on that scene from the finale you all have got to get higher standards. That was not a declaration of support. I cannot think of a single obvious pro Tommy thing she has done. You're correct in that she doesn't like Buddie, but that's because she doesn't like the attention they get. And honestly she genuinely seems to not like or understand M/M pairings. And I think that's her real problem. She doesn't understand why people care about them. She doesn't care to write for them. Which is why she has no business being anywhere near them. For anyone in here position to have come out and openly said stick to fanfiction means she has no idea what her actual job is. Whether the tile is co or lead showrunner your job is to encourage engagement. Your job is to understand and listen, at least somewhat, to your audience. She gave her audience the middle finger and openly mocked them. That is not anyone who deserves the job she has. Period.

Lastly, the Eddie nonsense is mind boggling. And honestly the funniest result of Tim's interview has been the desperate attempt from several in the Lou fandom to backtrack on their Eddie hate. Eddie was the worst possible character that fandom could have picked to go after because Tim loves him. I know that's weird because Tim is constantly trying to kill him but Tim loves Eddie and Ryan. The moment that fandom turned their claws on him it was over. And what's even more ridiculous was they were talking about how awful and worthless Eddie is as a character while frantically trying to make his entire character history Tommy's backstory. It was pathetic. I love Eddie, love and adore him. I want better things for him. I want him free of the Shannon nonsense. But Tommy's fans don't get to take it back now. They don't get to try and say 'oh I hope Eddie and Tommy get actual friend scenes this season' because they don't really want that. They just desperately need Tim to think they've learned their lesson. They don't deserve Eddie.

Yeah, I agree with most of this. I won't go into every topic, but I will say this:

I too think that Tommy will be back for a couple of scenes. He has to fulfill the role he came there to do in Buck's storyline.

I would honestly prefer it if he would never appear again. Not because of the character. I don't really like Tommy very much, but as a plot device he has a job to do and I respect the story. But there is no doubt Lou's presence on the set will once again result in a lot of 'Told you so' posts from the BT stans in the beginning. And when Tommy eventually leaves the show, they will be angry and we will have to deal with that as well. This dance has become predictable and exhausting.

Anyway, Nonny! Thank you for dropping this in my inbox! :)

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting these anon OP updates instead of reblogging. Don't get mad at me. There is a reason for it and it's all done with consent from the OP. You can find out more about that here.

Remember, no hate in comments or reblogs. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of the anonymous OP’s posts, you can find all of their posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[thewritingmagician2022]

Hey! I just found your blog and I've read through your work and I love it 💗 can I request MC trying to talk the brothers out of confessing to them?

(Perhaps taking place towards the end of season 1, beginning of season 2)

The brothers tell MC they love "LOVE" them and MC thinks they're joking and when they finally realize that the brothers are being serious MC's like "I thought you had better taste... are you sure you're not just infatuated with an idealized version of me that you created in your head? I mean you can do better, besides what would the people of Devildom think? Honestly, I didn't really get the impression you liked "liked" me in that way... I think you should think it through, maybe it's because I'm a novelty that your interested in me?" Or something along those lines? The point is that MC doubts their feelings and thinks they can do better.

Thank you so much! 💓

This is one of my favorite prompts because it’s so realistic and human and authentic. Which is terrifying too because I know I’m not gonna do it justice and I’m so freaking late on this. Back on topic - what makes us special to these brothers? Is it going to last? How long until we’re nothing new? (starts playing Taylor Swift in the background while I contemplate these)

Lucifer: Lucifer is vaguely insulted by the implication that you don’t trust him to know his own feelings. Yes, he understands your self doubt because he’s the high level demon Lucifer, the best of the best, and it makes sense that you would feel intimidated by that. But to doubt his feelings is to doubt Lucifer’s judgement and that won’t stand. He knows who’s worth his time and affection (no one) and he is not willing to open himself up to such a state of vulnerability without absolute certainty. So when he says he loves you, it’s true. He’s been around a long time and you’re the only person who has been able to capture his attention and heart in such a way; he isn’t worried at all about the feelings fading or being an illusion. He is under no delusions of who you really are - the person who doesn’t listen to him and runs wild with his brothers and causes so many problems in the Devildom and also the person who brought his family back together again and who reminded Lucifer of who he used to be and could still be. He will provide you reason after reason to back his point if you need it but he really feels he should only have to express his feelings once to make it clear.

Mammon: Mammon’s feelings are definitely hurt when you question him, even if it’s coming from a good place. He knows he’s not the most serious demon and maybe he’s a bit of a tsundere but he doesn’t understand how you can doubt him after everything you’ve been through together. He’s your first man, you’re his best-friend. Mammon is no stranger to romance and flirting over the millenia; demons, angels, witches, humans, etc. He’s got options, almost as many as Asmo, but you are the only person who has ever made him feel this good, this special and loved and in love.It breaks his heart a little every time you doubt his love for you. He might not be the best at talking about his feelings but he promises that he will spend the rest of his life showing you exactly how much he loves you for you, the same way you love him for him - the good and the bad and the weird. He is yours until the end of time, whether or not you’ll ever actually be his.

Levi: Of all the brothers, Levi is probably the most understanding of your doubts - not regarding him, that’s super crazy and he doesn’t understand how you could ever think he could do better than you. He does understand how self-doubt doesn’t always follow logic so he actually does well not taking it personally when you ask him those kinds of questions. He’s a man of many hyperfixations but they’re lasting. Have you seen him with his favorite series or Ruri-chan? This man is dedication personified. He’s already added you to his list of hyperfixations and, okay, maybe he does idealize you a little but he’s not as deluded as you think. He knows you have weird, messy bits of you - just like him - and he loves that so much about you because he’s able to actually be comfortable with you. He loves you and trusts you and respects you, which is more than he can say about anyone else in his life, and he is going to be your simp long after the series finale and he only hopes you’ll agree to let him stay in your life and worship you the way he knows you deserve.

Satan: That line of questioning makes him angry, shocking. He hates that you’re doubting him and his feelings. Satan is the intellectual of his brothers (if you ask him). He’s smart enough to know that there’s a difference between lust vsinfatuation vs love, and he’s considered it for a long time before he came forward with his feelings. He knows they’re genuine and lasting; he even avoided you in the beginning to avoid catching those kinds of feelings but it happened. Satan knows maybe he can romanticize things a little, like in the romance novels that he secretly loves, but he doesn’t think it’s to an unhealthy or unrealistic level - no more than a general man in love might do. He’ll sit and discuss all of this with you for as long as necessary, reigning in that anger that stems from feeling rejected, until you finally realize that he’s genuinely in love with you.

Asmo: Okay, so Asmo gets it, you know? He’s most beautiful being in three realms and charming and funny and sweet and basically everything good wrapped into one wonderful, sparkly, good smelling package. It would make sense that any human he pursued felt a little insecure about his feelings and their worthiness. But like…it’s you! You’ve seen Asmo at his worst - the days when he’s not as beautiful or kind, when he’s selfish and cruel and narcissistic - and you’ve stuck by his side the whole time. He is going to do the same for you. He sees your inner (and outer) beauty every time he looks at you and he falls a bit more in love with you every time. He knows what lust and infatuation feels like - he feels those every day and has them reflected right back at him tenfold. You are not those things. There’s still the passion and longing and affection but it’s so much warmer and steadier, like the warm sun that Asmo used to see in the human realm. You make him better (a hard task considering how close to perfection he is) and he won’t stand for you having any kind of doubts. He’s going to love you into loving yourself until you’re unable to doubt him or your relationship ever again.

Beel: That’s…not unfair to ask him. Beel may not be the smartest brother but he’s not as stupid as others make him out to be. He is the only brother who is going to hear you out and actually take the time to think about what you’re saying. You are the first human he’s ever had these kinds of feelings for, the first person actually. Beel is not used to romance at all and so he really needs to think about the line between romantic and platonic and familial; he doesn’t want to mess up the relationship by defining it incorrectly and breaking both of your hearts in the process. He doesn’t agree that you’re not good enough or interesting enough to inspire those kinds of feelings in him; he thinks you’re the most wonderful being he’s ever come across and anyone would be lucky to know you, let alone be loved by you like he is. It doesn’t take him too long to come the conclusion that no, he is in love with you. He would choose you over food or sports or even some of his brothers; hefeels empty without you in a way that even Belphie can’t compare to. He wants to kiss you and hold you and keep you around forever to share in his food and laughs and affection. Once Beel makes his decision, it’s completely solidified. Beel is a ride or die kind of man and you know you’ll never have to doubt him once he tells you he loves you.

Belphie: Belphie is torn. He understands why you may question his love for you. He did betray you and literally kill you in another universe; he would be more concerned if you weren’t skeptical about him. However, you feeling not good enough? Absolutely absurd. You need therapy ASAP. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to him and his family, even if you are a human. He never wanted these feelings; he loathed you at first but, over the months and different experiences you’ve shared, those feelings have grown to respect and trust and love. He couldn’t stop himself from loving you even if he tried (and he’s tried). He can understand your nerves but he knows down to his very soul that he loves you and that he will always love you. If you can’t accept his feelings, he’ll be the most accepting of it, especially because he doesn’t think he deserves you at all but he will never back down from his claims and he will continue expressing his love for you until the very end.

Diavolo: Of them all, Diavolo most understands why you may doubt the longevity of this relationship. He’s the demon lord. He’s the top choice of the realm, and everyone is scrutinizing him and his choices. He gets why you might be afraid of that and what comes with it. However, he wouldn’t be choosing you if he hadn’t thought long and hard about it to make sure his feelings for you withstood all of those doubts and fears. Diavolo does not lovely easily or lightly; he’s been offered companionship from more people than he could ever care to count but he’s never seriously considered any of them. You are the first and only person to have made him fall so completely head over heels in love that he’s able to get out of his own head which is so often filled with those some kinds of doubts and questions. He may not make every decision in his life with 100% confidence but this is one that he feels so sure of that he’s willing to stake his entire future and reputation on it. He loves you and he will do everything in his power to prove that he loves you and will stay by your side as you both rule the Devildom together, putting you at the top with him - exactly where you belong.

Barbatos: Barbatos is efficient, if nothing else in the world. Do you really think that he would pursue you if he wasn’t completely sure of his feelings and your future together? This is the man who has spent his entire life dedicated to Diavolo; he’s turned away from every and any meager temptation that’s come his way. No one has ever caught his eye like you have and certainly no one has ever made him question where his loyalty lays. Of course he is still Lord Diavolo’s servant and he serves the Devildom to the best of his ability but his heart isn’t in it the same way and that’s because he’s given it to you. You are what consumes his every thought and feeling; he’s broken the rules and used his powers for you, he’s gone against Diavolo for you, he is willing to do anything so long as he can be near you and make you happy. You don’t even have to accept his love or love him back, if you really can’t or won’t, but he’s seen you in every timeline and loves you in all of them. Nothing in this world or any of the others will change that and, if you give him the opportunity, he will dedicate his every moment to proving to you why you can put your full faith in him. After all, Barbatos has never failed at an assignment before.

Solomon: Solomon can understand insecurity on your end. It’s hard to consider yourself special enough to last for someone who has seen everything. Solomon has lived thousands of years, visited the three realms, love and lost time and time again. It’s hard to imagine that you’re anything more than the next shiny toy he’s got his eye on. For someone who can never die, what is this love other than a small blip on his radar one day? Solomon can’t stop you from feeling that way because, in a way, it’s true. You can’t be a permanent fixture in his life because you’re human but he can certainly be one in your life. Solomon would argue that he’s seen so many people and places over the millenia and he has lived long enough to know himself completely, and he knows that he loves you. He knows that no matter what happens or changes, his feelings for you will never waver. He will carry his love for you until the ends of time itself. It’s his curse to bear and the only thing that would make it bearable is being able to love you directly for as long as he’s given the chance.

Simeon: Simeon is the most patient and sympathetic as you ask him these questions. He would never invalidate your fears but he will confront them with you and break them down and banish them. Simeon is an angel who has watched over humanity for as long as they’ve been around. He has seen the best of the best and the worst of worst and still he’s never been tempted to turn away from his Father for one. At first, he could have explained it as curiosity and then fondness but it blossomed into the deep, unwavering love that he feels for you now. He sees your flaws and humanity and loves you all the more for it. You have become the new object of his worship and affection; he would fall from grace if it meant being able to hold you in his arms and shower you in the love he so truly believes you deserve. He will remind you every day of why you deserve to be happy and loved; he will tell you everything he loves about you from your smile to your kind heart to your most selfish desires. So, please, just put the same faith in him and his feelings that he puts in you and let him love you.

[lettersiarrange]

Since I just checked my ask box for the first time in a hot minute:

Just a note that tumblr doesn't tell me when I have new asks or messages and I rarely check my notifications. Helpful corrections of misinformation/any messages in good faith are appreciated (though it's possible I won't see them until weeks later, sorry), but if something I reblog angers you enough you feel the need to get hostile in my askbox on anon, I reccomend the unfollow button.

I'm also not comfortable posting asks asking for any sort of donations/directing people to your blog for donation purposes, sorry :// I just don't have time to vet asks like that

[sad-scarred-sassy]

tamlin “trapped” feyre after all negotiations broke down with the certainty of knowing feyre would endanger herself and others temporarily

from the wu this fandom talks about it you’d think he’s mother gothel but like. it was only until he came back. it wasn’t like he had her isolated, restricting access to who got to see her. he offered to invite her sisters - she was the one who said no! i really don’t see how it’s comparable to feyre + the ic making nesta stay on a remote island for what it’s worth with two near strangers who she has little to no positive associations with if they can’t be considered the cause of all her trauma in the first place (in that they are fae etc)

whereas nesta’s sentence (bc let’s face it she was sent to azkaban as punishment with a fun caveat like “you’re free if you can cross the sea! and manage to maintain a sense of identity while around guards who remind you how terrible you are of course!”) is indefinite and it’s pretty obvious from everything that comes after that it’s just something she’s expected to make the best of as opposed to something that can get better with time.

and cassian being her jailer whose amicability she has to earn by performing rigorous physical activity she had no interest in even if she grew to love it.. i wonder if she’s had that experience before

sorry, i’m not disagreeing with you, i saw your post + i just die a little inside every time someone’s like “ew tampon” “wow i wish i had a cassian” like no. they’re not the same, you (not you, ily) just have the attention span of a gold fish on catnip

You know I restrained myself from posting more on this because I’m such a hater sometimes lol, gotta focus on more positive things sometimes but... I’ll get this out of my chest.

I wanna preface by saying I do not care if people like Cassian/Nessian, truly. I even like fanon Cassian and fanon Nessian. I also have seen very little people that like Cassian bashing Tamlin (probably bc of my filters and just the type of blogs I follow bc I do love them all) BUT☝🏼 what I do see is a lot of “Disclaimer: we know Tamlin is an abuser” on Tamlin neutral posts (when no other character gets that treatment) or using Tamlin as a cautionary tale of how he treated Feyre and then praise the other “mates” for being “the right ones” and treating them correctly or something, which does annoy me a bit, but alas.

In my opinion yes, you are right, what Cassian and the Inner Circle did to Nesta is a million times worse than what Tamlin did to Feyre, but nobody, nobody considers Cassian’s actions in Silver Flames as bad as they actually are. Nobody considers him an abuser like Abusive Tamlin™️. When talking about what Nesta has endured in SF people put all the blame on Rhys and Feyre (which yes of course) but they forget Cassian was also there, willingly.

I’ve seen people use the argument that both Nesta and Cassian treated each other poorly in their relationship, but I have to ask… what did Nesta do to him that’s worse than what he did… intentionally. She was mean to him and called him bastard like four times? And only when he trespassed her boundaries. Somehow this is comparable to him being her jailer, taking her to train in the middle of Illyria, being a dick when he knew she was struggling, telling her everyone hates her and he cannot understand why her sisters love her, controlling her food intake as if she’s a gym bro or something when she clearly had an eating disorder, not telling her that Feyre was not mad at her and letting her BREAK while making her carry a huge backpack and forcing her on a hike not talking to her for days, to the point she fainted and fell on her face near a cliff?? (this because she made Rhys mad). Anyway the list goes on.

And you know what I don’t care if people like this guy after all this, but it is just funny how somehow Neris shippers are the “morally dubious” ones lol (and don’t get me started on Tamlin stans aka the devil worshippers), because Nesta said she “deserved Eris” (as a punishment), babygirl your WHOLE relationship with Cassian has been a punishment, for what sins you ask? Being mean (as she should) and spending the High Lord’s coin.

And what makes it worse is that the narrative will always favor the Inner circle, Cassian will never pay for what he’s done the way Tamlin has (and still is) he will never even apologize because he was “holding out his hand” or whatever bs that was. (Honestly if I get proven wrong and he does pay and apologize then I may give him a chance, but I highly doubt it)

I won’t even pretend that I think Neris will be canon as much as I wish it was, even if I know that if SJM wrote it, it still would have had its problems but at least Nesta wouldn’t have ended up with the people who treated her like a criminal just because she wouldn’t kiss their ass. And on top of all, with a mate that doesn’t even have the balls to stand up for her. Holy shit.

Okay I got it all out of my chest I think, I’ll try not to hate so much but this shit bro makes me seethe. I’ll go touch some grass.

[unknowntoyou2205]

Fear turns into confession (4/4)

Info: Jay can't knock the feelings he has for y/n

requested by @maybankangel-blog

Jay’s left leg bounced repeatedly as Erin drove down the road, following behind Adam and Kim. Erin had tried to make conversation with him but all he could think about was y/n and how she was. Hearing what the Montez brothers had planned for her made Jay sick. Voight had Mouse call the guys to see if they could find catch a meeting with them, acting as if they were interested in a girl, and Kevin was going to head in undercover. Jay had wanted to do it but Voight convinced him not to, saying they would probably remember him from his first attempt at catching them.

“Jay stop worrying, I’m, sure y/n is fine.” Erin spoke out to the quiet surroundings.

“She can’t blow her cover, and y/ won’t. So she will allow them to whatever they want to do, while she remains weak.” Jay stated, throwing his hand out in exasperation.

“Let me rephrase, you shouldn’t be worrying this much over her. You didn’t worry this much about Mouse when he was taken hostage.” Erin stated, glancing at Jay to see his reaction.

“Y/n’s different, she..” Jay took a deep breath to stop himself, “me and her have a history okay. I care about her, a lot more than..”

“Than me.” Erin interrupted him, causing Jay to turn to her quickly.

“More than Mouse.” Jay clarified, “Is this why you’re so cold towards y/n. Because you think I care about her more than you?” Jay asked, and Erin remained quiet for a moment.

“We’re here.” Erin announced as they turned the corner to a small café, where Kevin was sitting with two men.

“So why’d you contact us, how’d you find out about us.” Dareen asked the man sat in front of him and his brother.

“Well I mentioned to one of my buddies about my parents nagging me about finding a girl and settling down, you know how parents are wanting some grandkids and such. Told them I’d do anything to have a girl to shut them up. And a guy, Declan was his name I think, overheard and mentioned that he may be able to help. Sent me to you guys. Said it would cost a dime but you guys make it worth it.”

Kyle looked at Dareen before leaning in.

“What kind of girl you into?”

“y/c/h hair, y/c/e eyes, broad and sim, not too energetic, need a girl who can be kept tame, knows who’s in charge.” Kevin stated, describing y/n to them.

“Yeah we got a girl like that, when you want her?”

“Can I see her first?”

“No, no, we don’t do that. You take your chances, decide now or get lost.” Kyle stated, and Dareen lifted his jumper to reveal a gun.

“No no, that’s cool, that’s cool.” Kevin stated, eyeing the gun.

“Great, meet us at the random road in an hour, we’ll meet you there with the girl.” Kyle smirked.

“You bring the money, we bring you the girl.” Dareen announced.

“How much you want?” Kevin asked, eyebrow rising a bit.

“We’ll send you the dets.” Kyle spoke as he got up, walking back to his car.

“We’re moving.” Jay spoke into the radio.

“You know the drill.” Hank stated.

----------

y/n sighed as the tiredness began to hit her. She had no idea what time it was, but going by the small window in the top corner of the wall, it was starting to turn to night. She had tried discretely talking to Intelligence through the small mike, but all she got back was static, meaning the connection was lost on their end. She was used to not having interactions with her teams, but the uneasy feeling never went away.

Kyle had come in a while ago, stating that one girl might get lucky. But y/n had no clue what that meant. All she knew was that someone would be taken away today, and it entailed a cost. The boys weren’t enterally mean, they had fed them some food before they left, but they were yet to hear the sound of a car returning.

“What happens to the girl taken?” Y/n asked the only girl who seemed to talk.

“No clue. We just see them taken and they don’t return. A new girl takes their place.”

“Oh.” Y/n nodded, looking back at the window as a car was heard pulling in on gravel.

The girls crowded together and tried to cover their eyes from the light as it strayed from the opening door. Each girl flinched as the light harshly came through the door and y/n couldn't help but stay to the back of the crowd. She squinted her eyes as two figures came into view, refusing to look away as they walked towards her. Kyle had a smirk on his face as he walked towards her.

“It’s your lucky day new girl.” Kyle smirked at y/n, grabbing her arm.

“Hey what?” Y/n shouted, surprised at the pain she felt.

“Don’t fight, just come with us nice and calm than no one needs to get hurt.”

“No stop, leave me alone.” Y/n cried out, pulling back from him as they went up the stairs.

“Shut it girl or else.” Dareen shouted out at y/n as he took y/n from Kyle as he locked the door again.

Dareen narrowed his eyes at her and pushed her down onto the ground. Y/n gasped at the ain she felt on her shoulder upon the impact. She was still recovering from injuries so banging it against the wooden floor wasn’t ideal. She narrowed her eyes at the two men before Kyle crouched down to her. Watching his movement, she never seen the fist that came to her stomach on the opposite side.

“Now, that’s just a warning. We don’t want to hurt you too much.” Kyle warned her before grabbing her wrist and forcing her up.

Y/n nodded at the two men and decided to walk with them, trying to avoid eye contact of the two as they walked out the front door. Y/n blinked at the change of light as the sun set in front of them. Kyle threw her towards their car, opening the door before pushing her into it. She frowned in confusion as the car started and they drove down the driveway before coming to a stop. Y/n looked around before she was harshly tugged out of her seat.

Y/n looked around her before seeing a car pulling up behind them. She smirked to herself asshe seen Kevin jump out of the car.

-----------

Jay sighed in frustration as Erin parked far into the woods, out of sight as Kevin drove past them towards the meeting point. All he wanted was to open the door and run towards where y/n was and hold her in his arms. Erin sighed and rolled her eyes beside him, waiting to hear the word.

“Hey man, you got the girl.” Kevin spoke as he greeted Kyle.

“You got the money.” Kyle shouted back at him.

“Got it right here.” Rattling was heard as Kevin took out the envelope.

“Bring her out.”

Jay gripped the car door as he prepared to jump out and run towards the scene. Erin eyes him and glared slightly before preparing her gun. It wasn’t long before Kevin spoke the line and they rushed out of the car. Jay couldn’t help the thumping of his heart as they moved behind trees, and he glanced around to see y/n being gripped by one of the lads. Jay glared at the man, wanting nothing more than to throw his arms off her.

Time moved fast, and before y/n knew it she was pulled towards Dareen, and a gun was placed towards her head. Words were shouted as Intellagence surrounded Kyle and Dareen, and y/n’s eyes met Jay’s who nodded at her.

“Back off or she gets it.” Kyle shouted out.

“Let her go.” Hank shouted, aiming the gun at them.

“How about no.” Kyle fake thought before aiming and shooting his gun towards y/n leg.

Y/n cried out as the bullet embedded itself into her thigh. She began to fall as another bullet hit her arm, and she hissed as a foot was felt against her stomach, digging into her abdomen. Gunshots were heard before shouting followed, and y/n looked to the side to see Kyle and Dareen on the ground, Adam and Kevin on top of the mas they were handcuffed. She looked in front of her again as a hand was felt on her shoulder.

“Y/n, stay with me.” Jay shouted at her, placing pressure on her arm.

“My leg.” Y/n slurred lightly as her vision blurred.

“I need an ambo.” Jay called out behind him before looking back at y/n “hey, stay with me okay. Your going to be okay.” Jay pleaded with her.

“It’s ok.” Y/n slurred before her eyes shut on her.

---------

Jay spent the next few days at y/n’s side as she lay in her hospital bed, asleep. Will had told him that she was okay, but the bullet in her thigh had hit a vital artery, which caused blood loss. Jay hadn’t slept since the case, and had only been home once, which lead to an argument between Jay and Erin.

“Jay she’s not your girlfriend, stop worrying so much. She’ll be awake soon, you don’t need to stay with her 24 hrs.” Erin shouted at Jay as he packed an over bag.

“Erin I’m not leaving her side till I know she’s okay.” Jay responded, not stopping his movement.

“You didn’t react like this when I got hurt.”

“That’s because you needed stitches, she’s unconscious Erin, different scenario.” Jay shouted at her.

“You care about her more than me.”

“Erin you have been nothing but harsh to y/n from the moment you met her. You need to understand that y/n is someone I care about deeply, we’ve been through literal hell together.” Jay explained, sighing in slight frustration.

“Than maybe you should be with her.” Erin stated.

“Maybe I should.” Jay shouted quicker than he had to think of what he said.

“What?” Erin asked, voice quietening down.

“I think that maybe we shouldn’t be together anymore.” Jay spoke, calming down first.

“Your breaking up with me?” Erin asked, shocked.

“I’ll get Mouse to collect my stuff.” Jay spoke, sighing as he zipped up his bag and left the apartment.

Jay’s thoughts were disrupted as y/n moved slightly. Jay watched closely as her eyes began to flutter, and he leaned closer to her as she looked around. Her eyes stopped as they met Jays.

“Hey you.” Jay smiled, moving to sit beside her on the bed.

Y/n smiled in response.

Wh.." Y/n stopped talking, the dryness in her throat preventing her from saying much.

"Here." Jay offered her some water, bringing it to her lips and bringing her head up so she wouldn't choke.

"How long have I been out for?" Y/n asked once her throat wasn't scratching at her.

"A week. The bullet hit an archery but, Will managed to stop the bleeding and remove the bullet." Jay explained.

"The girls.."

"All found safe, reunited with their families. Kevin and Adam arrested the guys shortly after they shot you." jay explained, taking y/n's hand in his.

"I'm glad." Y/n smiled softly, leaning back into her pillow.

"I'm glad your okay. I don't know what I would of done if things had went south." Jay confessed, placing a hand on her cheek.

"I always knew you would find me, you always do." Y/n smiled.

Jay chuckled lightly before leaning forward, kissing y/n's head before moving to call a doctor.

---------------

A few weeks later y/n had since been discharged and was currently on medical advice not to do anything too strenuous. She spent most of her time at Intelligence, sitting with Mouse as he worked the computer.  Kyle and Dareen had been arrested and the girls had been found, each safe and returned to their families.

Jay sat at his desk staring at y/n as she laughed at something Kevin said, his head in his hand. Thinking to himself, he got up and decided to walk over the them. Not thinking much he grabbed y/n before her good arm and turning her to him. Jay ignored the stares that turned to them as she smiled at him.

“Hey Jay, you ok?” Y/n asked, concerned by his sudden movements.

“Y/n I have never been so afraid of loosing you. Which is why I ask,” Jay stopped as he moved down to one knee.

“Jay..” Y/n strarted, not sure what to say.

“What the “ Erin started, not sure how to react.

“Jay I can’t marry you.” Y/n stated, and Jay stood up with a frown, “But I would accept to being your girlfriend.” She stated boldly.

“Really?”  Jay asked, a smile starting to form.

“Really.” Y/n nodded, and Jay smirked in response.

Erin crossed her arms at the interaction between the two while Adam and Kevin whistled. Mouse just smiled at his two friends, knowing nothing could have been better than them too together.

[system-of-a-feather]

Literature Reading and Discussion

(These are informal readings, take aways and just thoughts I have on interesting articles that I think were worth sharing. My comments are developed AS I read them, cause I always talk to myself and the article while I read them. This is just literally how I annotate literature papers, so read it like a live blog of sorts; people are welcome to read and discuss and comment)

Article: Dissociative identity disorder as a wide range of defense mechanisms in children with a history of early childhood trauma

First things first, I'm actually surprised on how antiquated the description of DID's "general characteristics" is in this article even if it is from 2019. The sources that the section connects to is, however, another Polish article and the opening states that DID is not really talked about, diagnosed, or researched much in Poland so I think the antiquated information might be reflective of that and the locality.

"A case of a patient has been reported, who menstruated for the whole month because her alters had different period dates"

Call me a skeptic, but while I do believe that the patient genuinely believes that, I almost feel more like that's a menstrual issue unrelated to DID but is being attributed to DID.

"Another example is the movie The Three Faces of Eve based on a real story of a woman switching between three different personalities"

I could have sworn that it was found that it was not a real story. I'm starting to side eye the general nature of this article (which the class I was taking did NOT talk explicitly on DID here) but I am interested in the talk on etiology so I'm sticking through.

Petty thing, I dislike how much DID is called a "disease". Again this is originally a Polish literature review and thus translated so maybe its that, its not explicitly BAD per se but I dislike it.

The Psycho-analytic Model

"[..] This theory assumes that alters develop not as a result of a traumatic event as such, but due to defense mechanisms that are designed to protect the individual from dangerous content[1]. This model refers to Freud's views presented in his Studies on Hysteria[10]. [..]"

I'm sorry its hard for me to take this model suggestion seriously when its based on / refers to Freud's weirdness and "Hysteria".

"Splitting is a natural psychological process, occurring mainly in infants, which allows them to separate good from evil."

God, I'm barfing in white western dualism.

"When a child is constantly subjected to traumatic experiences, they begin to overuse this mechanism even in non-threatening situations, which allows them to create two disparate worlds. This leads to the formation of new alter personalities which protect the child against the trauma[1,9]."

See, now that I can get behind. I don't like the "good vs evil" and how that inherently relates to shit (probably a translation issue or more likely Freud being weird and white) but this checks out.

"According to Freud, the primary process, unlike the secondary process, has no cause-and-effect relations, opposites, and time, and is characterized by coexisting contradictions. Its task is to relieve the tension as quickly as possible by creating images of an object that satisfies the need. There is also no distinction between fantasy and reality, which seems to explain why alters do not find it contradictory to have a different sex, race or age than the original personality"

Okay so I think Freud lost me because I don't understand the mechanism outside of a symbolic manner and I might be trying to find more of an understanding of the "process" in terms of an actual neurobiological framework than a philosophical / hypothetical / symbolic framework when it doesn't exist. If someone thinks they get the proposed concept, feel free to inform me cause this part lost me.

However I do find the proposition that "no distinction between fantasy and reality" is kind of an interesting point to think about. I've heard some stuff about a relationship between dissociation and psychosis so, kind of interesting.

"The psychoanalytical model, therefore, suggests that the development of DID requires two components: trauma and fantasy. This theory, however, is not perfect, because it does not explain all clinical symptoms"

Ah the brother to "fantasy prone" debate. I honestly need to go over the article at some point that debunks fantasy proneness in people with DID cause while I don't believe in the iatrogenic model (or at least that it is the cause of MOST cases; I can see it being the cause of SOME cases) I do know a lot of people with DID who are REALLY fantasy prone; obviously thats my peer / personal experience and I have a biased sample size so it could just be me, but its something I've always been meaning to go over and look back on.

The Auto-Hypnotic Model

"Bliss even goes as far as to say that multiple personality is a form of autohypnosis and that other symptoms of the disease, such as changes in breathing rate, irregular menstruation, and palpitations are manifestations of anxiety"

Ehhh first things first, STILL doubting the "irregular menstruation" as a relevant or related symptom to DID. Beyond that, I feel like the differences and changes between alters is WAY too much to just account for it as "manifestations of anxiety".

"Overused, it interferes more and more with the individual's memory, sense of the Self, and normal ability to cope in the real world. The changes can range from short episodes of amnesia to the emergence of alter personalities which can take control of the patient's body."

Honestly I don't know enough about the neurobiology / neuropsychology of actual hypnosis and how to sparse it from the sensationalized understanding of hypnosis to actually have any real comment on it. I feel a bit skeptical, but I also do think there is some value in it? Skeptical none the less though.

"Criticism of this theory rests in the fact that it equates hypnotizability with susceptibility to dissociation. Some studies indicate that these processes are not synonymous, because although some people who are highly susceptible to dissociation are also susceptible to hypnosis, not all hypnotizable persons are able to dissociate"

Yeah that was going to be my critique thanks article for putting words to my ambiguous sense of "ehh somethings off".

The Developmental Model

"Research shows that people with DID have a period of special sensitivity during which traumatic events can lead to the formation of a multiple personality. This period falls between the ages of a few months to 9/10 years. Processes that occur in normally developing children, which, when disrupted, may lead to the formation of alter personalities"

I do like the sound of this thus far. I'm pretty sure this was a foundational perspective in the ToSD

"Imagination and fantasy allow children to project their own personality onto objects and situations[1]. It has been suggested that this may contribute to the blurring of the boundaries between reality and fantasy and the emergence of alter personalities in DID[1,7,10]."

"Yeah of the three so far this is my favorite" I say as the person deeply interested in developmental psychopathology and the general idea that everything goes back to childhood and critical periods /hj

"Another factor promoting the formation of alters may be the fact that children endow their plush toys or dolls with life and personality traits."

Hahaha me fr fr.

"Many adult patients claim that imaginary companions were models for their alter personalities. What is more, alters themselves often admit that they had been created as imaginary friends and later acquired their own lives as a result of trauma[1]."

COUGHS LOUDLY AT CREATED ALTERS / HEADMATES / PARTS COUGH COUGHS LOUDLY

"The construct of behavioral states of consciousness assumes that people are born as potential multiple personalities, and it is only in the course of normal development that these personalities consolidate and integrate into a single Self. Research shows that the behavior of newborns is composed of separate behavioral states, manifesting themselves, among others, through different motor activities, eye movements, facial expressions or skin color. This assumption shows that some of children's most important developmental tasks are to consolidate the Self, work out a sense of one's identity, and learn to smoothly transition from one behavioral state to the next."

OK this section I really do like and have thoughts on. FIRSTLY the word "assumes" is just what I mean with the fact that "everyone fuses into one" is an ASSUMPTION not a fact and even in that assumption, that the task is consolidation of Self. I DO agree with that, however the last sentence of this section I feel best leaves space for the fact that the consolidation of Self doesn't necessarily mean to a single version of Self. If the purpose of the consolidation of Self is to 1) work out ones identity and 2) smoothly transition from one behavioral state to the next; assuming both are met in healthy ways without full integration / consolidation (as is promoted and supported by cultural and social systems in non white non western cultures), there is no reason to assume that an individual would HAVE to fuse into one to meet the important developmental milestones.

Honestly I'd highlight and copy most of this model's discussion down because I just simply like it. I'm NOT gonna do it cause thats too much work and the link is accessible to everyone.

The Attachment Model

I'm not copying all this down unless something particularly stands out. I'm super biased in terms of Bowlby's attachment theory cause I just really *like it*. So just like, use your imagination to see me probably overlooking critiques and holding up a sign in a stadium like a super fan of "I LOVE U BOWLBYS ATTACHMENT THEORY" or something like that ok? /lh /j

Results and Discussion

There is a really neat diagram in the article about factors and combining the models to understand a lot of things about DID that I like. I don't want to deal with screenshotting it and crediting it properly so just go check it out.

"Formerly, it was believed that DID affected only adults; now, it is claimed that the disorder can be diagnosed in children as young as three or four years old. Most commonly, however, the diagnosis is made between the ages of 25 and 35, although the first symptoms probably appear five to ten years before the disease is recognized[1]."

Side eyeing people who say DID doesn't occur in children.

My Thoughts

Interesting read overall. I think the introduction section was really sketchy, but I think it did a nice job going over and integrating a lot of the other models and hypothesises on DID in a way other than the ToSD. I was kind of hoping for something *more* cause most of that I've heard of already, but it was a fun read overall.

I feel someone asked me recently about alternative models to the ToSD but I can't recall who so I hope they see this

[bowelfly]

sorry if this is a silly question or if I've sent it to the wrong blog & ofc you don't have to answer if it's too personal. But you are an entomologist so I figured I'd ask - do you mind saying what exactly you do ? you don't have to say where ofc but I'm in school for entomology and I have a vague idea of what I'd like to do but also the opportunities out there are so broad and different and confusing that I figured I'd ask real people who actually do the stuff about it. Hope you're having a nice day/night !

no worries. i tend to be a little bit cagey about my exact job, but i've talked about it a number of times both on this and my more bug-focused account. the short version is that i work in a lab that monitors for and identifies potential exotic insect pests. we do some more focused projects in detecting and eliminating specific targets that are known to be extremely economically/ecologically damaging, and also a lot of general insect trapping in areas of interest to passively monitor for things that shouldn't be where they are. there are both federal and state-level agencies that do this, which have their respective pros and cons, as well as the more general pros and cons of working for the government. i think some entomology museums may also occasionally contract out this kind of work to pay their bills.

the nice thing is that while much of the year is busy keeping up with the thousands of trap samples coming in from around the state and country, the off-season is usually pretty chill and i have time to work on personal projects around the lab. i tend to set aside a lot of cool by-catch from the samples i process and when i have free time i work on curating and identifying those specimens. for example i spent a chunk of this last fall working on a massive backlog of unidentified native bee specimens that i'd set aside from flight trap samples over the previous couple years and expanded my lab's curated bee collection by thousands of specimens and probably close to a hundred species, maybe more. i've also recently started more seriously dipping my toes into weevil identification which is an absolute nightmare but i have so many cool little beasts that i want to put labels on that it's worth the pain.

anyway i hope that answered your question more or less! i'm biased of course but i think being an entomologist is the best job in the world. i am a world-class slacker and shirker and have dedicated much of my life to doing as little work as possible at all times but in my current position i have to constantly restrain myself from putting in unpaid overtime most weeks because i just get too obsessed with whatever little project i'm fiddling with at the moment.

[friezaglasiencold]

I know this might be out of the blue (and this somehow turned into a ask Algid blog ) but this is a question for Yamcha

What do YOU like about Frieza or what draw you towards him

(Since ya know he’s a villain)

Hey, it's me. Told Frieza to look away until I post this, haha. He gave me the computer and just said 'go nuts,' so that's a good sign? I'll put it under a cut, cause I'm probably gonna go long, and there's a good chance I'll get a little sentimental. I know he's not into that stuff, so I don't wanna clog up his blog with it.

I haven't gotten the chance to talk about this, really, since the guys don't approve of us 'being together' and all--for obvious reasons--so, I guess first I gotta thank you for asking! It means a lot that you'd think about that, or be worried about that, or whatever. Because, yeah, he is a villain, and it's a pretty big deal.

I know he's a really bad person, basically as bad as it gets (he's kind of like if you put a bunch of real estate scumbags in a blender and then poured the result into a really sexy cup, and then that sexy cup had anger issues??), but there's a lot there that I think maybe nobody's ever seen before, or cared to look for, or maybe he's just never wanted to show to anybody...

For one, I just think he's really cute! Like, not even in a sex way. He's just cute. He does this thing with his face when he's thinking really hard where he'll scrunch up his nose and totally zone out. I don't think he notices it, but he does a lot of stuff with his tail, too. It's pretty easy to tell how he's feeling once you get used to reading him, and if he's in a good mood it, like, wiggles? Not wagging, not like a dog or anything, but almost like one of those wacky inflatable tube dudes. And I know this isn't really a "good" thing, but when he's frustrated with something, he stews about it, and crosses his arms and stomps around for a while, and he'll go on these little tirades about stuff that doesn't matter, and it's adorable how into it he gets. He's pretty easy to tease.

And he's really smart. Genuinely totally on the ball. Not the kind of guy you'd come to to vent or something, but if you give him a problem he'll hand you a solution in, like, ten seconds.

I'm always discovering new things about him, too, like these skills or hobbies he has that he doesn't even think are worth mentioning... he's killer at the violin, and he's a really good singer, and he likes to do all these little creative projects when people aren't looking. I think whatever he sets his mind to he just does, and I like that in a person. It's part of why I got with Bulma all those years back--she was really headstrong, just like he is. I'm into the type who knows what they want and who they are and stays honest about that.

Frieza's a lot less dramatic about it than she was, though. He'll do something, and he won't like, get all up in your face and start wagging a finger about it. He just does it, and then tells you it's done if you notice, because he's pretty used to being solitary, so he's not a needy kind of guy. As long as you give him what he wants, you're basically golden.

He's really up front about it, too. Who he is, I mean. He's never pulled any punches with me, or lied, or given me the runaround. He sat me down and said look, Yamcha, this is what my deal is, and this is what I'm looking for, and if you're interested we can make arrangements. I like that I know what I'm getting into, y'know? Like, yeah, it's a little disappointing that he's not into the idea of marriage, but we haven't been dating long, and there's always time down the line if we wind up staying together. What I'm really surprised about, though, is that even if we didn't, I think I'd still wanna be friends? Which isn't the kind of thing you'd normally think about with Frieza. I know Vegeta would flip his lid if he heard me say that.

There's a ton more I could talk about, but I don't want to wind up writing a novel, so I'll just end it on this:

He's a bad person, yeah, and there's stuff I've gotta talk with him about if we wind up making this a permanent thing, but a lot of my friends started out as bad people, including me. I can say for a fact, though, that he's got a heart in there somewhere, even if nobody else thinks that's true. I've seen these little glimpses of it, and it makes me really happy, and I wanna keep seeing it. That make sense?

I hope so.