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kerink · 1 month ago

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i want to talk about this idea the fandom has that curly didn't do anything to help anya. the fact of the matter is, curly didn't do anything to help anya on screen.

when we first join the conversation, anya's already told curly about the assault and is just updating him on her pregnancy status. we're never privy to what that first conversation looked like, what anya said or how curly responded or what decisions were made about it. but given that anya confided in him twice more about the situation (that she was pregnant and later that she had told jimmy), i have to assume his response to the initial assault disclosure was sufficient enough in her eyes that she knew she could continue confiding in him.

this exchange reads to me like "what to do about the assault" has been an on-going conversation between them, but curly has limited options to help her. but if he could figure out something to do, he'd do it.

let's look at the options available:

report it to HR. i don't think this option is very viable for a few reasons:

first, pony express doesn't seem to care about its employees. there aren't locks on their bedroom doors, there's only enough food and oxygen to get them from port to port with no emergency allotment, there are more crew than cryopods, they're not allowed to sleep for more than 5 hours a night, etc. i don't think they would have done anything to support her even if they had reported it.

HR may even blame anya for the assault, they may say that it happened because of something she did or did not do. it's her responsibility to take, not theirs.

second:

(thank you to @mudstoneabyss for pointing this one out to me)

curly needs this money because he's considering changing careers, which is likely to result in a pay cut or some amount of time job-hunting without income. swansea has a family back home he needs to provide for. it's daisuke's first year on the job and what a piss-poor welcome a pay cut would be, and he's an intern so the pay cut may be all or most of his salary. jimmy is living in poverty. anya has no savings.

it's entirely possible anya asked curly not to file an HR complaint not only because it would make her financial situation worse, but because she doesn't want to ask him, swansea, and daisuke to literally pay for jimmy's actions.

third:

even if curly did file an HR report he may have been told to do nothing. it's a long trip and they need all hands on deck to make the delivery on time! productivity over employee welfare. it's his job to keep the peace but keep jimmy working.

given how much stress curly's shown to be under, it can be assumed being captain is an extremely taxing job with a lot of both assigned duties and off-book duties. it may not actually be feasible to run the ship without a co-pilot.

maybe all he could do was talk to him.

2. go to the police. are there even police in space? i have to assume so because the alternative poses way too many questions. so there's space police. curly and anya call them and they come to the tulpar and dock on the ship and do an investigation and what happens to that limited food and air supply? the late delivery fee?

i'm a psychologist and my first psychology job was working as a crisis counselor for my county. my primary job was to sit with rape survivors as they had their rape kits done and support them as they made their reports to the police. this may not be true everywhere or across the board or in this dystopia but in my experience the police won't take a rape case seriously, or will have limited options to prosecute, or maybe won't even take the case at all without a rape kit.

so curly and anya call the police. they're going to have to file with HR too, to let the company know what's going on. and now anya has to pay for an HR complaint, a late delivery, and a rape kit.

is she going to get this paycheck at all?

3. curly acts on his own accord. this is the one that makes the least amount of sense to me, personally.

if curly just beats the shit out of jimmy then what? now jimmy's mad and embarrassed and takes it out on anya. we're going to confront him and risk making her suffering worse?

curly can't lock jimmy in his quarters for the duration of the trip not only because, as i said, maybe having a co-pilot is necessary for the ship to operate, but there are not locks on the doors.

curly can't lock him in the cargo hold because a) pony express would probably be beyond pissed off about that and who knows if the crew's pay would get docked or curly would get fired or if dragonbreath would sue them all for property damage and contamination. b) how do we get food and water to him? let him go to the bathroom? we open the doors and he busts out and who knows how violent he'll be then.

curly isn't going to kill him because a) that's one of his oldest friends, and i don't care what he's done or how angry curly is or how badly he wants to help anya, i really don't think it's realistic to think he'd be able to separate the anger from the love enough to end his life. b) it's cold-blooded, premeditated murder. it'd be one thing if curly caught jimmy in the act and killed him in defense of anya, he could maybe get away with that. but after the event is over? curly's going to jail for that, possibly for the rest of his life. if you worked at the post office and a coworker told you your best friend since childhood raped her are you clocking out and going to his house and killing him? it's not reasonable. i'm also just really floored how often i've seen this option brought up on the "prison reform abolish the police no matter how bad you are you still deserve human rights" website.

i also don't think it's reasonable, realistic, or kind to ask curly to act on his own accord without consulting anya. for curly to go against her wishes or act without her consent, that's further taking agency away from her. that's another man deciding what happens in her life. even if curly wanted to beat jimmy up or lock him away or kill him, maybe anya asked him not to.

so i ask, what was curly supposed to do? what did he and anya explore as options? what did anya ask him to do? we don't know and we'll never know. and that was intentional on wrong organ's part.

i don't say any of this to discount or discredit conversations or explorations or analyses about the role The Boys Club, toxic masculinity, and bro culture play into the plot, themes, narrative, or personal take-away players have. i fully 100% agree with, support, and endorse those narrative because despite everything i just said above, it's also true that curly is partially responsible.

it's true that he was irresponsible and an enabler for helping jimmy cheat on his psych exam, but there's no evidence at all that he's a conspirator to sexual assault and abuse, that he was going to cover for jimmy in a court of law. all he said was they would figure it out, and that could mean a whole lot of things.

i think curly has some percentage of the blame for what happened on the tulpar, i just don't think that percentage is as large of a number as a lot of people seem to believe. i'm not asking that we forgive or apologize or absolve curly, what i am asking is that we try to look at the situation with more nuance and empathy and good faith.

i don't think curly was a bad man or a bro who was ignoring anya and covering for jimmy's actions. but i also don't think he did enough to help her. he was never good at seeing the small details amongst the larger picture. he couldn't see jimmy for the dead pixel he was.

i think curly was sleep deprived, possibly under-fed, definitely overworked, and juggling too many balls with not enough options. i think he made the wrong choice, but i think he thought it was the lesser of the evils.

#mouthwashing #mouthwashing game #mouthwashing spoilers

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azen13 · 2 months ago

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Hallooo!!

can I request a Sunday and aventurine (separate) x reader where reader has insomnia and cannot fall asleep? It’s alright if you just write for one character, whatever is most comfy for you <3 take your time and get some rest !!

Sleep, Sweet Nightingale

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A/N: Thank you so much for the ask! This was really fun to write :D I'll likely post Aventurine's in a week or two, so stay tuned for that! Thank you for your kind words <3

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Description: Sunday x Avgin!Reader | With Sunday at a meeting discussing future plans for Penacony, you find yourself struggling not only with falling asleep, but also with memories from the past. Luckily, your lover is always here to help you.

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CW: Insomnia, Dissociation, Mentions of Imprisonment, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Emotional Flashback

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Nested in soft blankets, sleep should come easy to you. You had hoped it would soothe your troubled mind, washing all of your dark, tainted thoughts away like soapy water cutting through grime; instead, you toss and turn in the tangled sheets, a sheen of sweat shining on your skin in the dim, warm lights of your apartment.

Your inability to sleep is also compounded by the fact that you’re entirely alone. Sunday is busy in a meeting with the Family–discussing a potential renovation to Oti Mall to make it more navigable–leaving an empty space on the other side of the bed. You miss your lover’s sweet, feather-light touches and chaste kisses. More than that, you miss feeling protected. The world has scraped your heart clean of any innocence, leaving you sensitive to all the cruelties of the world–cruelties that seem to hang above your head like a cloud of daggers, waiting to fall.

Signaled by the quiet ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner of the room, minutes pass by. You make a game of watching as the long hand of the clock slowly creeps past the short hand at around 2:30 a.m, and continues to race around the chapter ring like a runner in a marathon. Eventually it passes the finish line, the clock ringing in quiet celebration as a new race begins.

After another minute or two, you finally decide to push the plush sheets off your body and get out of bed. Sunday had recently bought you some medication to help with your sleeping problems, but he had kept them hidden away somewhere. The lack of trust stung, but you believed him when he said he was doing it out of worry for your wellbeing. You could look for it, but knowing Sunday and his penchant for being meticulous, you’d only bring yourself into a fit of frustration, making your mind more dysfunctional than it already feels.

Instead, you decide to wander the apartment aimlessly, a blanket wrapped around your body that billows behind you. From the bedroom to the parlor, the kitchen to the study, you search for something to pass the time, but find yourself rejecting any potential forms of entertainment. You can hardly fathom reading a book with how tired your eyes are, and the TV is too loud–even at the lowest volume.

So, you settle down on a sofa in the parlor and try to block out the world by wrapping yourself up in your blanket. For a second, you try to close your eyes, but open them in an instant.

The overhead light feels less warm now, washing the room out with fluorescence. You can feel your heart beginning to leak, waves of emotions tossing it to and fro. Impressions of words spoken to you years ago press against your skin–not heard, but felt. No tears spring from your eyes–a habit built from near-daily torment, of knowing that your captors would only revel in the sight of your sadness and attempt to draw more of it out. Instead, your hands grip against the blanket. The rhythm they take up isn’t a thought so much as a motion, letting you escape the sinking ship of your soul. Clench, unclench, clench.

Then you hear the lock of the apartment door click. As though electrified, your body freezes from head to toe.

“My dove? Where. . .you?”

“Dearest?”

You hardly register Sunday moving out of the corner of your eye and taking a seat in a chair a few feet away from the sofa. After a moment, your lips open, words trickling out. They are uttered on their own accord–not a thought, but a motion, same as your hands.

The look on Sunday’s face softens. His words move in and out of focus as he begins to speak again.

“. . .you’re dissociating, my. . . Let me help . . . you name five . . . you see?”

Again, as if compelled by some supernatural force, you begin to speak again. It’s as though you’re speaking a foreign language you never learned.

“Wonderful. . . amazing. How about. . . things you. . . touch?”

“Now try to. . . three things. . .can hear?

Halfway through naming two things you can smell, the world sharpens, like shifting a camera’s focus. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, aware of how tense your body is.

“Are you back in the present with me now, my sweet?” Sunday asks quietly. His tender voice is almost a whisper, aware of how sensitive you might be to loud noises right now.

You nod weakly, feeling beginning to return to your body, a shuddering breath filling your lungs. “I think so.” It feels true. As if in confirmation, your heart beats out a steady ‘Yes’.

“I’m glad.” Sunday folds his hands in his lap, eyes reading between the lines of your face. “It’s getting late. Would you like me to help you to bed?”

“Yes please.”

Slowly, Sunday stands. He extends a hand out, not as a demand, but an offer. A choice. It’s an easy one that you decide to take, clasping it like a lifeline as he guides you back to the bedroom. Humming gently, he fluffs up the comforter and the pillows, doing his best to maximize your comfort.

“If you’d like, I can sleep in the guest bedroom-” “Stay.”

Your response is a plea, one Sunday is happy to comply with. Quietly, you watch as he begins to get ready for bed, his routine methodical and precise. Through it all, he keeps a quiet vigil over you, even as he brushes his teeth and preens his feathers. After it’s all said and done, your lover quietly crawls into bed, eyes gazing gently at you. “If you need anything, let me know,” he says quietly. In response, you gently grab one of his hands, and move it over your shoulder, before grabbing the other. Sunday allows you to position his arms how you wish, only adjusting after you finish. “May your dreams be sweet, my dove,” Sunday whispers, voice reverent like a prayer, as you begin to drift off into a soothing sleep.

#hsr #honkai star rail #hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #sunday hsr #hsr sunday #hsr sunday x you #hsr sunday x y/n #sunday x you #sunday x reader #sunday x y/n #hsr sunday x reader #hsr fic #hsr x you #hsr x y/n #hsr x gender neutral reader #hsr x male reader #honkai star rail x gender neutral reader

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devine-fem · 1 year ago

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i am BEGGING you to make that jondami ship guide. not because i need anything to make me ship them more than i already do but because they deserve to have their good moments highlighted

Jondami/Damijon shipping guide.

A collective guide to any cute moment between Jon and Damian in DC comics or motion pictures. Any moment that could make a reader like them more as a ship will be put all here in one Tumblr post.

• Superman (2016) Issues #10-#11

This is the first time they meet each other and they immediately knock heads. Jon’s lighter than life personality clashes with Damian’s cold personality and they don’t seem to get along but you can tell there’s something growing behind the eye rolling and tongue clicking… a friendship?

• Superman (2016) Issue #20, #21, #25, #26 (mentioned), and #43.

• Super Sons (2017)

This is the first of the Super Sons series, the series is really short but gold nonetheless. No Super Sons comic that I don’t like but this one is my favorite. They still are knocking heads and refuse to call each other partners but they grow and learn to be heroes together.

• Adventures of the Super Sons (2018)

They slowly start to get used to each other and this comic shows that Damian isn’t just straight up mean but is starting to somewhat ‘like’ Jon.

• Challenge of the Super Sons (2020)

The last main Super Sons comics. This one is fine but I love the others so much. These comics are essential to know Jon and Damian period, it’s the main comics of each others story and in a way they are important to each others development.

• Batman and Superman: Battle of the Super Sons (2022)

Now after all that reading treat yourself to a movie because Jon and Damian got their own movie. This is what started Jon and Damian for a lot of people and this is probably where a lot of you are from. This movie is great and fun. They made Damian wayyy nicer than in the comics and their friendship easier.

• DC Rebirth Holiday Special (2016)

Please find and read this. It’s so cute. I love it so much.

• Dark Nights: Metal issue #3 (2017 -2018)

They make a rock band in the beginning, its so cute.

• DCeased (2019)

• DCeased: The Unkillables (2020)

• DCeased: Hope at World’s End (2020)

• DCeased: Dead Planet (2020)

• DCeased: War of the Undead Gods (2022)

This is such a good series, and story in general please read it. DC peaked with this one and its so angsty. I don’t care what comphet was happening, Jon was there for Damian like no one else. I think Damian ends up with Cassie which is weird to me because Damian has never shown interest in anyone before but I excuse it since it’s not really gonna happen again since they were in a relationship just for the story to be more high stakes and sad. Jon and Damian’s relationship was at the forefront and for comic book readers DCeased made people see the potential in Jondami.

• DC’s Terror Through Time (2022)

This is so cute, please read this. It’s a halloween special and they switch uniforms <3!!

• DC Saved by the Belle Reve (2022)

They help a nonbinary person navigate school and it’s so damn cute.

• The age up incident.

(Disclaimer: You can pretend this never happens and I wouldn’t blame you for doing that.) A writer named Brain Micheal Bendis comes into the writers room for DC and ages up Jon in short. The story is that Superman goes missing (He travels to War World and gets stuck there) and Jor-El comes back to meet Jon and he takes him on a trip to explore space, then they get trapped in a wormhole, Jon gets stuck on Earth-3 and has to fight Ultraman. He’s stuck in a volcano for five or six years and becomes seventeen (we think) when he comes back. This was sad to me because it took away all the potential interactions for Jon and our ability to see him grow up, it was rushed and purposely so. Jon takes up the title of Superman somehow and starts to date some guy named “Jay Nakamura.”

• Superman: Son of Kal-El (2021) Issues: #1, #6, #14, and #15.

He does get a boyfriend here and I think it’s amazing the fact he simply gets a boyfriend but no one really likes his bf so… and the are real reasons why Jay as a character is problematic BUT if you just don't want to see him with someone else than every time you see a pink haired twink, quickly skip.

• Adventures of Superman: Jon Kent

• Super Sons (2017) Special

This is them reuniting after the age up and it shows how Damian reacts to it. I can’t actually find this and if anyone can please let me know where it is. I can only find bits and pieces of it scattered across the internet. All you need to know is that he doesn’t like the age up anymore than us since he says “I miss my friend.” which is really sad to me because the age up ultimately really hurts what people like about their dynamic as well as tarnish Jon’s character almost completely.

UPDATE: found it, it got attached to

• Dark Crisis (2022) till Issue #5

This is fine, after issue four Jon and Damian are not there anymore and if you read half the story just for jon and damian you might as well finish it.

• Green Lantern: Blackstars (2019) issue #2

They hug here. You’re welcome.

• Action Comics (2016) issue #1030

This is the best thing to come from the age up. This is so cute of them.

• Teen Titans (2016) Issue #43, #45, and #46

i didnt really like this, im not gonna lie but it has some damian and jon interaction worth noting with jon being protective over damian.

• Flash (2016) Issue #797

jon defending damian. this is such a cute moment for them. jon talks damian up and says how hes the strongest person he knows and how hes misunderstood.

• Legion of Super Heroes (2019) Issue #2 & #3

dont read this. its rlly bad but this is full of jon being the number one damian apologist, quality jondsmi moments over quantity. worth mentioning • Trinity Special: World’s Finest literally them raising a child together but their ages are a bit wonkey, i still dont personally know what age either of them are supposed to be there...

DC MEETS HANNA-BARBERA - Super Sons x Dynomutt

I’d say they aren’t exactly written right, well over all they are but their personalities are more relaxed and they care about each other a lot and will go out of their way to make sure the other is okay and protect them from danger, make them laugh etc, theres nothing wrong with this, its really cute but you can tell its not the typical jon and damian writers is all. I like it.

• Dark Crisis: The Dark Academy (2023)

• Wonder Woman (2016) Issue #800

- Fandom

Artist that draw Jon and Damian:

(I don’t know any of these accounts intimately so if they’re problematic in any way than I am sorry in advance)

Sheiya Vlad

Pechaghtlecha

Corinthianrm0

Hobiiiebrown

spider-jaysart

arunneronthird

Twitter

Hokke

Gozer

@_1209E

YouTube

Justice Lords Animation

Japanese Animation

Super Sons Meme Animation

- Fanfics

Trust fall by Ididloveyou_once

Those Who Wait by InsaneTrollLogic

moving in stereo by TheResurrectionist

Reasons to Not Fall in Love by nanami

Growing Pains

These are fics I read and liked, I don’t have much. I don’t read a lot of Jondami fan fiction so I insist that you recommend your own fanfiction in the comments. (Don’t hate me for the self promo)

- Music (A silly lil playlist I made for them)

END

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st4rtar0t · 8 months ago

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What's next in love?

DM for personal readings

Picture 1

I sense that you may have been through a completion or some kind of ending, either or a relationship or a situation ship. you may have been feeling drained by all that has happened within the last week. You may even feel like you have bad luck in love or love and relationships may not be your strongest suits. You are being guided to work on yourself, the only reason things are not working out is because the universe is saving you for someone special. and you will be overjoyed when you meet them. But before that you will have to grow spiritually and emotionally because I see that you are not ready for a long term connection and yet you keep looking for it in wrong people. Deep down you fear being vulnerable and deep connections, you will have to work on it first.

You will meet them right after a spiritual awakening or when you will be working towards your life purpose. You are constantly in survival mode, be more open and at ease.

You may have to pause on dating somebody for sometime or you may feel like you don't want to date anyone anymore but whatever the case may be I see that you will be working more on yourself and your goals.

Things that might resonate : stars or stargazing, paperwork or court, smiling emoji or stickers, train or bus, butterflies, a gold ring or a bracelet.

Picture 2

okayy so i sense that you may be waiting for someone to contact you or you may have sent an impulsive text to somebody. or you may need to made a decision in some time. I do see that there is somebody that is interested in you and the feelings are mutual, you may already know who i am talking about but there is some kind of external forces that is stopping this person from approaching you, either you have somebody else or they are talking to somebody else. i do see that there is a third party or this person may feel like you have somebody else now. for some of you this may be an ex. I do see that you do want them back for some. but overall i see that you already know the person who is your future partner.

I also see that they may be connected to your family or you may meet them through your family. I see that they may always have earphones plugged in or they may be connected to music.

You may be wishing to be in a relationship with them because they seem to be your ideal type. one of you may have to move on from your past. their or your name may translate to wish/hope/desire etc.

things that might resonate : clock or clock tower, office work, untuned guitar, blood ties, inner circle, yes, 21, 31, 46.

Picture 3

I sense that you guys may be thinking of moving out or changing locations soon. You may meet this person while travelling or they may be your neighbour in the new neighbourhood. I see that some of you may be talking to somebody who lives at a distance or you will be talking soon, whatever the case may be, i see that this is somebody new. This person maybe rich or they belong to a respected family. For some of you this person might be your future spouse. They may have a deep voice or husky voice. You guys may not be considering a romantic relationship at first but the feelings will increase over time. I sense that you are really intuitive yourself and you already be having dreams about them. I see that they may offer some kind of help to you, both financial and physical.

They may be an air or earth sign, especially Aquarius and Taurus. They may have long hair or thick hair. Their is really significant here. They may work in the education sector or medical sector.

I see that they find you really attractive and charming. You may be wearing yellow or yellow may be really significant in the first meeting.

Things that might resonate : Butterflies, crows, black cats, white, river or water body, cloudy day, 10,5, 17, library or books.

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becausebuckley · 2 months ago

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michelle's buddie fic recs: week 39!

yay more fics! guys i have to tell you this was an excellent reading week for me, so many brilliant fics!

two things: some of these fics aren't buddie but gen/a rare pair, but i figured i'd keep the title, since it applies to the majority of fics. i'll make sure it's clear which fics are for other ships! also, now that season 8 is airing, i've decided to keep the buddie fic rec list spoiler-free, and i'm setting up a season 8 rec list alongside it. this week's season 8 list can be found here!

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading!

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!

5 times buck and eddie thought they were on the same page +1 where they figured it out | WendyDarling95/@bi-buck-hi-eddie | 11.8k | E

"Ok but miscommunication trope where Eddie keeps trying to tell Buck he’s a werewolf and Buck thinks Eddie’s telling him he’s a furry. Buck would buy a fur suit absolutely" i'm genuinely not joking when i say that this fic was the highlight of my week. it's crack treated seriously in the absolute best way, i was howling (lol) while reading. brilliant <3

the book of love | colonoscopys/@colonoscopys | 8.1k | G

It was a pretty regular day. He had an eight hour shift the day before, slept in a little bit, ate dry toast and drank a black coffee before dropping Chris off at physical therapy for an hour. If he had known he was gonna die, he would have sprung for the hashbrowns in the freezer. time loop fic!! lovely lovely time loop fic!!

but you're holdin' me like water in your hands | TheGirlWithTheKite/@muddiedfoxglove | 11k | E

In which Eddie offers a helping hand when Buck's relationship starts to sour. (The Frogboiled Infideleddie Fic) frogboiled infideleddie?? yall the way i ran to this fic the second i saw it <3 so so so good

constant craving | Inell/@inell | 7.8k | E

Buck and Eddie have recently started dating, and it’s their third official date. While playing a game of pool, they make a little wager, and Buck gets to indulge a craving he’s had for years. i spent a lovely hour this morning catching up inell's recent fics and i highly recommend you do the same!! brilliant fics, both of the sweet and spicy variety <3

FREE MOUSTACHE RIDES | Killbothtwins | 5k | T

All is not well in Station 118. Gerrard is running the show, Christopher is gone, and, worst of all, Eddie has a mustache now. Somehow, it's only Buck who realizes how catastrophic this is. this is exactly the fic i needed to cheer me up earlier this week. so good, so funny!!

keep your brittle heart warm | Ink_Dancer | 8.8k | T

Buck convinces Eddie, notoriously a dog person, to adopt a cat. Buck then helps Eddie adjust to his new family member while the cat tries to meddle in their relationship. fics like this make me want to adopt a cat even more than i already do. so sweet, so cute, i love pinto bean <3

a little wisdom | Daisies_and_Briars/@cal-daisies-and-briars | 8.6k | T

Christopher comes home from Texas and needs his wisdom teeth removed, which leads to a larger discussion on hurt and comfort and needs that Eddie doesn't see coming. the diaz boys <3 i love them so much and they're so so well-written here!!

the more it hurts, the less it shows | ummrys/@ummrys | 2.4k | M

Eddie finally hears the story of Dr Wells, and Buck finally understands the depth of what happened to him. so well-written and a great look at the whole dr wells thing!!

nothin' but a little shut eye | Tizniz/@tizniz | 3.9k | G

Buck and Eddie accidentally nap together. And then keep napping together. buddie naps i love you so much <3 this is the softest cutest it's so good

put my heart inside your palms | markofalover/@markofalover| 3.1k | T

how an accidental pet name, a thoughtful dinner, and a shared shirt makes them get their shit together.. love is stored in the kitchen indeed <3 this is so so cute!

suddenly the only thing i saw was you | ipretendtobesane/@userbuddie | 8.2k | E

five times adriana diaz and may grant run into each other and the one time they show up together adriana/may?? the VISION holy shit. this is a brilliant fic and has probably my fav adriana diaz ever, it's just that good <3

#yall this one was hard i read so many good fics this week #i want to rec everything!!#buddie #buddie fic #buddie fic rec #911 abc #911 fic #911 fic rec #michelle’s recs #fic rec list

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kaziwi · 1 year ago

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Don't Mention It

Character(s): Law

WC: 1,153

Summary: You and the crew celebrate Law's birthday...but not in the way he'd expect

Note: happy birthday law <3

Law slowly opened his eyes, waking up from a good nights rest. It was rare for the captain of the Heart Pirates to get his full 8 hours, but after Bepo had asked to cuddle he couldn't say no. The soft fur and warmth radiating from Bepo lulled him to sleep, and now he lied awake, way behind his schedule.

He knew what today was. His birthday. Law just never liked the idea of birthdays...and the memories that came with them. Each year he begged the crew not to mention it, and treat it as a normal day, but they always failed to do so. He hoped this year would be different.

Law quickly changed out of his pajamas and made himself look presentable. He could already hear the teasing from Shachi and Penguin for waking up late. As he left his quarters, he noticed the Polar Tang to be surprisingly quiet. He made his way to the kitchen and was shocked to see a whole buffet of food laid across the table. And the best part...there was no bread.

"Mornin Cap! Never thought I'd see the day when you slept in," Ikkaku teased as she washed the dishes. He didn't even notice her here.

"This is more breakfast than we usually eat...is it for...special occasion?" Law obviously knew this was for his birthday, but for some reason he wanted to hear someone else say it.

"Hmm, I don't think so...unless I'm forgetting something."

Oh...that was kinda weird...Ikkaku didn't mention it was his birththday. No matter, someone else was bound to eventually.

Law sat down and began to take some of the food that was spread across the table. In all honesty it was probably the best breakfast he'd ever eaten. He handed his plate to Ikkaku and began to make his rounds.

He had expected to see Shachi and Penguin goofing off, or having to fix something that Bepo messed up, but everything was perfect. The ship was at top maintenance and all of the chores were completed. When he had gone back to question Ikkaku about where everyone was, she said they had all gone out to the island they docked at to explore.

It's not like Law didn't enjoy the quiet, he basically begged for it everyday, but it just felt strange. He decided to use this opportunity to go to his room and read a new medical textbook he got. Hopefully that would help to pass the time.

Knock Knock

"Captainnnnnn open upppppp!!!"

Law didn't even know how much time had passes, but it seemed Shachi and Penguin were back from exploring the island. Law reluctantly let them in, knowing that they were going to make a big deal about it being his birthday now.

"Cap you will never believe what we found," Shachi started.

"Close your eyes and hold out your hands okay, trust us," Penguin said excitingly.

Law let out a long sigh and indulged their request. Something was put in his hands. It wasn't too heavy...but it wasn't light either. He opened his eyes, and his jaw almost dropped. It was the limited edition Sora Warrior of the Sea art book. He could see how Shachi and Penguin's faces beamed at his reaction.

"I knew you'd like it Cap! We saw it while exploring today and knew we had to get it for you!" Penguin said while Shachi nodded in agreement.

"Wow this is...," Law started, "Amazing, thank you both.."

Caught up in the excitement of his new gift, Law almost forgot that this had to be a birthday gift, there was no way it wasn't.

"So, what prompted you to get this gift," Law questioned, "Was it because it's a special day today?"

"Is it? We just saw it and thought you'd like it," Penguin said, looking at Shachi.

"Yeah, I mean we can return it if you'd like," Shachi chimed in.

"No! No you don't have to. I really like it, thank you again," Law said with a hint of disappointment. Was it really a coincidence that they bought him this gift, or were they lying about not knowing it was his birthday. He ushered them out of his room and sat back his desk. There was no way the whole crew forgot it was his birthday....right?

Throughout the rest of the day, each one of the Heart Pirates made their way to Law's room and gave him a gift. Even Bepo came in with a bouquet of flowers (they were actually weeds) that he has picked just for Law.

Law was very appreciative of all the gifts, but was a little sad no one had said happy birthday yet. He knew each year he begged them not to, but now that they hadn't acknowledged it at all....he almost missed the attention.

It wasn't till later that night, after they had eaten his favorite dinner, made only entirely by "coincidence", that he got his first happy birthday.

Knock Knock

"Come in Y/N-ya," Law said, eyes not looking up from his book. He could already tell it was you, since you were the only one not to visit today.

You walked in, holding something behind your back.

"Happy birthday Captain," you said with a big smile. Law looked up, a little shocked by your words, and stared into your eyes.

"You..said it.."

"I mean, I'm sure you realized that all of the gifts, the ship being in tip top shape, and the food wasn't all a coincidence. Everyone wanted to make your day easier and fun! We just didn't want to mention it was your birthday since you always tell us not to....but I'm sure by now you figured it out."

Law really hadn't thought that all of these acts were for his birthday. He had a small suspicion, but without anyone confirming it he didn't want to get his hopes up.

"I know my gift isn't as big as everyone else's," you smiled sheepishly, "But I still hope that you'll like it!"

You handed a small box to Law as he took it with caution. He opened it up and gasped at it's contents.

Inside was about 40 collectors coins, all ones he didn't have in his collection.

"Y/N-ya...how...I mean.."

"I started finding them a few islands ago and decided to get as many as I could for your birthday! Everyone else also pitched in a little and gave one to me if they found one!"

He dumped the coins on his desk. Each one with a new island's name on it. Sabaody....Water 7....Alabasta...and even some places he hadn't even heard of.

"Thank you," Law said, a soft grin appearing on his face, "Tell everyone else I said thank you too."

"Of course Captain," you said as you left the room, eager to tell everyone that operation "Celebrate Law's birthday and also respect his wishes by not mentioning it" was a success.

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nikosama13 · 9 months ago

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"Wanna play a game?" (Luffy, Zoro, Sanji x reader)

Description: One shots with the monster trio. In each fic you play a "game" with one the boys from the monster trio. Who knows..? Something spicy might happen..

Side Notes: Hellooo loves! Please enjoy these oneshots with the monster trio. <3 ..⚆ _ ⚆ (Most likely spelling mistakes + my requests should be open.) Ps: The Zoro oneshot is my absolute fav.

Consider following for more..?

~~~

Luffy:

It was a casual and rather peaceful day on the Thousand Sunny. The Straw Hats, including you, had just left a port from a short supply run… already off to find another adventure.

However, it was a rare occasion for it to be this peaceful.. Zoro was napping, Sanji was cooking, Nami drawing her maps, Robin was reading her new books, Franky fixing the ship with Ussop’s help, and Chopper making his medicine.

That just left you and Luffy..

You were just resting on the deck with a chair when you heard one of the Sunny's doors open. To your surprise it was Luffy.

“Ughh.. im hungry and bored and sleepy..” Luffy said, walking sloppy.

Well he was, until he saw you.

“Oh hey y/n!” His eyes and posture snapped into place.

“Hello Luffy..” you raised your glasses and rested them on your head.

“Wanna play a game?” Luffy’s voice also sounded like it got a little happier and excited.

“Sure I guess..” you gave him a smile anyone would fall for.

His gaze was stuck on you. He just blinked a few times before a slight burning sensation on his face struck him.

“U-uhm.. So how about like.. two truths one lie..?

It shocked you that Luffy actually knew that the game existed and let alone how to play it.

“Sure” you gave him a puzzled look.

“Me, Ussop, and Chopper played it once!” Luffy smiled.

Oh, well that explains how he knew.. Ussop always made up fun games for them to pass the time on the ship.

“Ok I’ll go first!” Luffy plopped down next to you on the floor, a look of confidence and blush showed on his face.

“So.. one is I hate meat, two is I want Sanji to cook, and three is I like y/n..”

“W-wait what!?” your eyes were practically popping out of your skull.

“Uhm..” he smiled and then looked down.

He covered this face with this hat slightly and muttered something out..

“Yeah, I like you.. So?” he continued looking down.

“I do too..” you looked away.

Then he looked up immediately after you said those words. His eyes sparkled brightly.

“Really!? You do!?” then he leaned his head on your thigh.

“Yeah..”

You both were a blushing mess but eventually as the days went by you shared a passionate kiss on the deck in front of Nami which made her choke and spit out her water.

It was safe to say you belonged together. ~(˘▾˘~)

~~~ Zoro:

For Zoro it was like any other day on the Thousand Sunny, minus the fighting parts.. Today you decided to get your moss head and play a game. Now what game exactly you ask?

Let’s backtrack really quickly..

You, Nami, and Robin were speaking about Zoro, you simply didn’t know how to get closer to him. It didn't help that he was reserved and always grumpy, as you like to call it. So Robin, being the brightest in the group of girls suggested to you that you should ask or more so “bribe” the moss head into playing a memory game with you. It sounded harmless but it would definitely have the moss head interacting with you. So you thanked Robin and ran off to put this idea to the test.

Eventually, you found Zoro dozing off into a nap. However you’d have to get to him before he slept because waking up a grumpy man isn’t a pretty sight.

“Hey Zoro! Wanna play a game with me?” you smiled and sat down in front of him on the deck of the Sunny.

“Huh..? No, why would I..? That’s for kids like Sanji and I want to rest.”

He looked back down and was about to doze off again.

This is exactly what Robin, you, and Nami anticipated so it was time for plan-b to be put into action.

“Oi, moss head I’ll give you buckets of booze, but only if you play.” You said smiling, sure of your plan bound to work.

Then his eyes popped open immediately.

“What’s the game..?” Zoro’s face slightly changed to a smile.

“It’s a simple memory game.. k?” you prepared the rules in your mind.

“Fine, get this over with… or..”

You could have sworn he muttered “..or…”, but after all it wasn’t your place to ask him what he had said when you randomly intruded on the man’s peaceful napping session.

“Ok so I'm gonna make up three hand signals in a random order and I'll add to it each time, your job is to copy me. Plus if you fail once you lose and we switch places.”

His mind took a second or two to process all of that info but it seemed like he understood, hopefully..

“Alright..” he looked up at you, now he was giving you his undivided attention.

Robin's plan was working.

After a couple of rounds he eventually failed and snickered at you. Now it was his turn to make up the hand signals..

“Watch me, I'll win!” you smiled confidently.

“Yeah, yeah totally.” The look he gave you was mischievous, like he was planning something you couldn’t predict.

And so he did..

His first movement was to grab your collar and pull you in closer, his second was to lift your chin and lean in on your soft lips, and by movement three..? Well let’s just say you and him were a blushing mess. He assumed that you knew what movement three was already supposed to be..

“Repeat that.” He smiled at you with a deep look.

“Fine I wi-” he cut you off..

“And the third movement too. Unless you don't wanna win..”

“Deal, watch me!”

You repeated the steps of grabbing his collar and lifting his chin. You pulled him in closer and looked up at him unsure about this whole situation.

“Do it” he said while looking at you.

You slowly brought him in closer and kissed him. The kiss lasted for a while until you eventually broke apart.

You were a blushing mess, as for Zoro?

“So where’s my booze at..?” (I was literally screaming when I read this over, this is my fav)

~~~

Sanji:

Sanji, as being chef of the Straw Hats was usually always in the Thousands Sunny’s kitchen, either he’d be taking orders from Luffy to cook something tasty like meat or be making special drinks for the lady’s around him.

However, today was different, he decided to finally take a break that he needed. He was walking around and wandered into the Sunny's library. There he found you, studying or reading. Either way he found it cute. When you noticed him and smiled, his heart fluttered.

So as bold as Sanji is, he sat in the seat right in front of you, staring you down intently.

“Whatcha reading there y/n?” he gazed at your book.

“Oh.. nothing much, Robin told me if I had any free time to read it because it was really good. I believe it’s alright.. I’m not too crazy over books.”

He loved the sounds of your voice. The way you talked and looked at him while you glanced at your book at the same time. It was all too much and too perfect for him.

And then all of sudden his day dreaming was abruptly ended by a wave. This wave shook the library and luckily only some books fell out of their place.

“Awh man..” you looked disappointed.

“Sanji, if it isn’t too much to ask, could you help me clean this up..? ..I think Robin would really appreciate it.” you smiled softly.

He took no time to accept your offer and helped you clean up.

As you two were busy cleaning and placing all the books back into their spots, Sanji came around a weird box named “Twister”.

“Hey y/n, look at this.” he faced you with the box in his hands.

“Oh, that’s interesting.. That’s a fun game, I wonder what it’s doing in the library though..” you seemed puzzled.

Sanji adored the face you made when you were confused. Then a great idea popped into his mind.

“Would you wanna play?” he smirked at you.

“I suppose it wouldn't hurt to, do you know how to play though?”

“Not really.. But I wouldn’t mind you teaching me~” He chuckled.

After a long 15 mins of reading the rules over to Sanji, he finally grasped the main idea of the game. This was really his kind of game.

“Ahh.. I see, let's start then~!” He began setting out the mat on the wooden floor of the Sunny.

Then you both began to play and spin the spinner, further and further into the game your limbs both got tangled and tangled.

“Right leg on blue, left arm on red…”

Sanji was trying with all this might to not look up at you with your ‘interesting’ position balancing over top of him. Eventually your muscles both gave out at the same time and you landed on top of Sanji.

Since Sanji is the Sanji we all know and love he automatically nose bled and proceeded to pass out.

With Chopper’s help he was just fine, but those newly discovered feelings he had only for you weren't.

~~~ Finish line here!

Comment your fav Oneshot! <3

Consider following..?

(This is probably one of my fav posts of all time. ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ)

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theoi-crow · 5 months ago

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The chess game between Medea and Jason and how Medea's original story is a feminist story:

So a few days ago I was talking to @teawiththegods about a book he had read that was a feminist re-telling of Medea. The author seemed to have lacked a very fundamental understanding of Medea's character because Hecate wasn't mentioned in the book at all, which is wild since Hecate is Medea's go-to goddess for every spell she does!

But as we talked further it was clear the author also lacked a very fundamental understanding of Medea and Jason's relationship towards the end of their separation but it's one of my favorite parts of Medea's story which, in my opinion, makes it feminist by itself but not many people understand that because they lack the ancient context for which it was written that drives the point that:

Medea won a chess game where the odds were stacked in favor of Jason and the game was rigged against Medea herself:

How were the odds of the game stacked in favor of Jason:

1) Medea couldn't kill Jason or he'd win:

One of the main things people complain about regarding the story of Medea is Medea killing her children and wonder why she didn't just kill Jason instead. But the reason why she didn't do that, and why she couldn't kill Jason at all was because she would have immortalized Jason's heroic persona.

In ancient Greece they believed the best thing someone famous could do was die at the height of their popularity so they wouldn't have time to ruin their own reputation and legacy. At the beginning of Euripides's Medea, Jason is at the height of his popularity. This is evident by the king of Corinth wanting him to marry his daughter because he was the legendary Jason from Jason and the Argonauts (the ancient equivalent of being the modern leader of the Avengers since he also assembled legendary heroes in his ship like Hercules and Orpheus).

Jason knew he had the upper hand and if Medea killed him, he would forever be remembered as a hero who was tragically killed by his jealous wife (in the same way Agamemnon was killed by his own wife Clytemnestra) and Medea herself already had a bad reputation for killing her own brother, despite her only doing so to help Jason escape her father.

2) If she killed Jason, her own children would have to kill her:

Her children would be bound by the gods to kill her and if they did kill her, the furies would come to torment them for killing their own mother.

In Aeschylus's Oresteia, written a good 20 plus years before Euripides's Medea, One of the main tragic points in the story was Orestes being duty-bound to avenge his father which meant he had to kill his mother. In ancient society this was a rule. Children, especially sons, needing to avenge their parents, especially their fathers, so Jason knew that if Medea killed him, not only would she ensure his heroic legacy, but the ones in charge of carrying out his revenge were his sons, the keepers of his legacy, who were also the great-grandchildren of Helios (Medea's father was his son).

Medea preferred living with the guilt of killing her own children rather than the thought of forcing her own children to kill her and be forever tormented by the furies if they did, or be punished by the gods for not avenging their father if they did not. She had already killed her own family member for Jason before, so killing again for Jason would be a type of dramatic irony that now also affected him.

3) If she did nothing Jason would still win:

When I say Jason had everything, I mean he had everything. He was going to become the king of Corinth and live his life as a hero.

Medea is the reason behind him getting the golden fleece and she is the power behind all of his success and he was going to take her credit and cast her out of his new kingdom along with their children. He didn't care if his children were going to be bound to a woman who had a cursed reputation and be doomed to living a life of extreme poverty. He only cared about getting rid of his previous family to make room for a royal family, in his opinion, a proper life fit for a hero. He was Hera's favorite and even Medea could see that he had insulted Hera (the goddess of marriage) by not honoring his own marriage vows to her. Jason was being selfish and Medea couldn't let him just get everything he wanted.

Imagine working so hard to help someone you loved and trusted and you sacrifice your own comfortable and cushy life only for them to steal your credit, take all of your stuff and curse you to a life of poverty, and despite how he fucked you and your children over, your children still had to praise their father because they are bound to his legacy! He is the reason why you are irrelevant and no one will ever remember you except as a stepping stone for HIS success!

Jason took Medea's credit, used her as a stepping stone to reach his heroic status and had children with her who were a part of taking care of his legacy and bound to avenge him if she killed him. But if she chose not to do anything to him he would win either way and his legacy was set to be praised forever, this time as a king who could continue to expand his legacy and potentially turn into a god like Hercules. There was nothing she could do about it.

How she won and ruined his legacy and reputation:

1) Using her status as Jason's property:

Like most ancient Greek women, Medea was seen as Jason's property which made her his responsibility.

A lot of people think it was unnecessary for her to have killed the princess of Corinth because it wasn't the princess's fault who her father wanted her to marry but Medea was trying to kill the king of Corinth himself and she knew he was going to hold his dying daughter without realizing he too would get killed through the poisoned garments. Plus Medea knew the princess of Corinth wanted to exile her children with her and doom them to a tragic life which is why she sent her children with gifts from Helios in order to beg the princess to change her mind about exiling them.

What would killing the king and his daughter do to Jason? He would be blamed for not knowing how to "handle" his woman and "control" her, as was expected of men back then. Her outbursts were his responsibility.

Her killing the leader of Corinth and his only successor made Corinth vulnerable for another kingdom to invade. As Jason's property this made Jason the reason behind Corinth's downfall, thus causing Jason to be known as a cursed hero who will ruin your city-state if you try to associate with him or even welcome him into your home.

2) Jason depended on his children to fix his reputation:

Did Medea have to kill her children? Yes, because she knew that if she didn't whether they wanted to or not, they would undo everything she had done to ruin him because when ancient Greek people did well their fathers would also be praised because their father's names were used as a last name for the child for example: Odysseus's full name is actually Odysseus son of Laertes and thus in the ancient world whenever you praised Odysseus you were also praising his father Laertes.

Similarly, Jason's children had a duty to fix their father's reputation which means that if she allowed them to live, they would also do their best to uphold his reputation and undo everything and Jason would still win. Even if they didn't like him or they didn't' want to they had to. Plus already being the great-grandchildren of Helios, the sun itself meant they were already great, which meant their father was already great because they had "son of Jason" attached to their names as a last name.

So imagine your ex has ruined your life because before he came into your life you were the princess of Colchis, the granddaughter of the sun itself, your father was a demigod and your aunt was Circe! The same Circe who turned Odysseus's men into pigs. You had everything and you left your glamorous life because you fell in love with someone who stole your credit, used your ancestral connections to Helios and ultimately betrayed you. And now that you found a way to ruin him in order to avenge yourself, your own children, regardless of their own complicated feelings towards their father would have to undo everything you did and uphold his legacy as a hero so he still won. But killing them would ensure your ex will be seen as a walking bad omen and ruin his reputation forever.

3) Killing her children sealed Jason's fate:

Jason never expected Medea to kill her own children, no one did because no woman had ever done that before but Medea herself was already a walking curse, she knew that if she killed her children the world would pity them and never blame them for what she did but if she allowed them to live they would be at odds with her because of how society favored fathers plus she also risked ruining their reputation and living a miserable life anyway because of her own reputation.

Being exiled meant they would potentially have faced a lot of SA as children who are doomed to wander and potentially live as slaves if they got kidnapped. Medea herself would have to be a sex worker if she wanted to make money to support her children as a single parent while Jason lived a glamorous life as the king of Corinth.

If she killed Jason they would have to kill her no matter how much they loved her or they would be cursed by the gods.

If they live they would automatically fix Jason's reputation if they gained glory and would have to blame their mother in order to explain why their father, the hero, was cursed. No one would care that Jason stole her credit and she was angry about it because they were married and according to their customs, she is his property and her credit is his credit.

But if Medea killed them, they would not be blamed for anything, they wouldn't be used as pawns to fix Jason's reputation and Jason would also be blamed for not knowing how to "handle" his wife and save his children, and Medea would finally get the revenge she has been wanting for every wrong Jason has ever committed. He would finally feel the pain she felt from his betrayal. He would finally feel as helpless as this game of chess made her feel. He would finally suffer in the way he made her suffer.

In the end she cursed him to live a life where his reputation was ruined and when he finally became irrelevant, he died being killed by the rotting wood of the very same ship which once made him great.

Checkmate.

#Medea #greek gods #greek mythology #greek myths #jason and the argonauts #Jason #jason and medea #greek tragedy #ancient greek tragedy #long post

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suzannahnatters · 2 years ago

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Subplot Romance

Over the years I've created some twitter threads on writing and history and I've decided it's a good time to start compiling and sharing them on this Tumblr. I'm going to tag them "writing".

Here's what I've learned about writing subplot romance. (People who write genre romance probably already know this stuff. It's those of us who are mainly leavening romantic subplots into fantasy novels that need this info).

1. Romance = fundamentally character-driven. All internal conflict & internal growth. (Can these two trust each other? Will their character flaws drive them apart?) The more study you put into creating characters and building character arcs, the better your romantic writing.

A romance arc is not the SAME as a character arc, but it 100% NEEDS solid character work undergirding it.

2. Romance needs two ingredients: a compelling reason for the characters to be TOGETHER, & a compelling reason for them to be APART. This forms the conflict in the romance so do not skimp on either.

Eg, a common mistake in male-penned stories: female lead has no compelling reason to want male lead. "He's a good-looking warrior dedicated to winning her throne!" Yeah nah, she's literally surrounded by good-looking warriors dedicated to winning her throne, why's he different?

3. Romance needs chemistry = a believable spark of attraction. Something that blew my mind when I realised it: romantic chemistry =/= sexual chemistry. Sexual chemistry (purely physical attraction) is simply PART of romantic chemistry.

Romantic chemistry is a good deal broader. (Read/watch some good romances to see how chemistry is built by different storytellers. One fave of mine is the Romola Garai EMMA. Peerless friends-to-lovers chemistry. Watch the actors' body language; the way they gravitate to each other; the way their faces light up)

Chemistry tip A: if the driver behind sexual chemistry is lust, the driver behind romantic chemistry is trust. Protag needs/wants someone to trust. It's the way you play with trust/distrust that will create romantic tension.

eg: love interest holds protag's hand. With sexual chemistry, protag simply feels a jolt at the contact. With romantic chemistry, protag feels comforted and trustful - then betrayed when it turns out LI is tracking her pulse to see if she's lying to him (see: MISS SHARP 😇)

Chemistry tip B: if protag is falling for someone, that person should occupy their mind. LI should be mentioned/thought of each scene, even when absent. When present: LI consistently provokes unaccustomed emotion - either positive or negative, depending.

Chemistry tip C: make the characters their best/most lovable/most iconic selves when with each other. Quirkiness, smarts, hilarity. Make these the most fun character scenes in the book & the audience will ship them. Passionately.

4. Build romantic chemistry/attraction through escalating moments of trust and tension. If aiming for happily-ever-after(HEA)/for-now(HFN), then the overall arc is towards greater trust, but you need those moments of tension to give the big payoff scenes appropriate catharsis.

OTOH, if you're writing a tragic/backstabby romance, you need the trust/comfort moments in order to sell the big tragedy/betrayal.

5. Trust, comfort, & happiness are POWERFUL. This is what genre romance thrives upon. Even in dark/spiky stories, the most surprising thing in the story can be the moment when the LI DOESN'T betray the protag. That too can be wildly cathartic. Use it.

6. Just as character-driven skills help you with romance, so if you master romantic writing, you'll be better able to write ALL types of relationship - platonic, friendly, hostile.

OK that's all so far. Two book recs: ROMANCING THE BEAT by Gwen Hayes & THE HEROINE'S JOURNEY by Gail Carriger teach you the rules/expectations of genre romance so you'll know what the rules are for a happy romance subplot & how to break them for a tragic version.

#Writing #writing romance #Miss Sharp's Monsters #Romancing the beat #Gwen Hayes #The heroine's journey #Gail Carriger #romance tropes #writing tip

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theonewiththefanfics · 1 year ago

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Dare to Hope, Dare to Dream (Part 2/?)

Synopsys: For three years now, Astarion and his love have been relegated to living in the shadows as he lost his ability to walk in the sun. But one day hope is reignited, and the vampire can't help but reminisce how he got where he is now.

Pairing: Astarion x fem!Reader

Genre: angst, fluff, SMUT

Warnings: violence, abuse, talks of SA, character death, SMUT (if there is anything else that should be tagged, please do let me know)

Word count: 5830

A/N: I have not played Baldur's Gate 3 (I don't own a PS or a PC where to play it. all of this is based on the info gathered online and through Neil's own gameplay etc. Please be kind :) )

Part 1

The composing of the letter was quick work, as excitement thrummed through their veins, but every passing day diminished the accumulating hope.

It was agonising, waiting for Gale to respond. Where usually Astarion’s mind was preoccupied with Y/N, now it was occupied by that damned tome and that damned fucking page he couldn’t read.

There was a huge possibility it could be nothing but a simple song or a poem. It could be a curse for all he knew, but something in his still heart screamed it could be the thing that set him free from living in eternal darkness and making his love live like that too.

He’d give anything, pay any price for Y/N to be able to walk in the sun again, and if his hand was in hers, wrapped around her waist or tucked against his chest as they enjoyed the wonders of the world in colour, not the perpetual greys of night, he would beg on his knees if he had to.

His love didn’t seem to be fairing any better. She was fidgety all the time, where she used to be able to sit and watch Astarion patching up a shirt of hers or adding gorgeous swirls of gold and silver, now she organised and cleaned his whole tailoring room over and over again. Y/N cooked almost obsessively, way too much food for just one of them to eat, and it almost drove him mad how restless she’d become during sleep as well.

Worry ate at him that Y/N hadn’t gotten proper rest in days, all because of that damned book. Would it be worth it? Would her losing sleep be worth it in the end? Nothing that hurt her was, not in Astarion’s mind, but whenever he asked her to leave something be, said that he’d pick it up, she’d simply shrug and say, “No time like the present.”

Taking into account his feedings as well, his heart twisted at the thought that all of this was weighing on her shoulders, but luckily at least some of the burden of wait was lifted when Gale’s answer came.

To their relief, the wizard gave them good news and apologies, as he’d travelled beyond the Sword Coast with his grandfather, but would be taking the first available ship to Baldur’s Gate. It would take at least three weeks of travelling, but he would waste no time beyond that and go straight to their home, and that left the two anxious lovers to occupy their time however they could.

Y/N had already rearranged the whole library twice by then, half in search of figuring out where this mysterious book had come from, half in absolute boredom, while Astarion had taken to sowing and stitching dresses and tunics and shirts and trousers and even a gorgeous set if not a scandalous one of lingerie for Y/N (which he had promptly ripped to shreds that same morning she’d donned it to go to bed).

She’d admonished him through a desperate moan, as his tongue had skimmed against her neck, lace scraps still around her ribs and hips, nothing more left of the intricate design he’d so patiently made. Not that it’d covered much in the first place.

“I’ll make you hundreds more just to rip all of it off again,” Astarion groaned as her hips ground up against him, delicious friction causing him to respond in kind.

“But it was so beautiful!” Y/N whined when Astarion took her wrists in one of his hands and held them in a tight grip above their heads.

“Nothing is as beautiful as you completely bare and uncovered for me. So… delectable…”

Let’s just say neither of them could get out of bed after the sun had set, as their legs wobbled at the lightest touch to the ground, leading them to another day of sleeping in, and a night of passionate debauchery.

However, as much as Astarion wished to stay like that with Y/N, both of them naked and twined in bed, other things had to be done around the house, and at that moment, he’d asked Y/N to model a dress for her.

He didn’t dare say the cut was based on a sketch hidden deep in his drawers, and originally it was made of white lace with an accompanying veil, not the jade colour he’d cut it in now.

“Do you think we’re harbouring false hope?” she asked, colour-coding his threads and placing the box neatly back on the table after Astarion allowed her to redress and was happy with how the skirt flew around her hips.

“In what way, my dear?”

“I just,” Y/N huffed, sitting down on the arm of the chair next to him, watching how his quick fingers stilled their needlework so as to not poke her accidentally. “I don’t want you to be disappointed if this… if this isn’t what we think it is. I know how much you miss the sun.” Y/N gently threaded her fingers through his moon-white locks. “I know how guilty you feel for me having to forego it. You don’t have to say anything,” she interrupted whatever was on Astarion’s tongue. “I can see it on your face.”

He looked down at the green gown’s hem he was embellishing. He’d tried so hard to hide the guilt seeping through his veins. He didn’t want her to know that; he already burdened her life as is.

“I can’t say it wouldn’t hurt if what we hope doesn’t come true.” Astarion put the needle and dress on the table, turning to Y/N and pulling her into his lap. “I wish I could give you the world, but I can barely give you half… if even that much. You deserve so much more than what you’ve deemed enough. I just want to… give you more…”

“My Star, please don’t even think you’re not enough for me.” Y/N brushed a pale curl behind his ear.

He gave her a rueful smile. “A little mind-reader you are, aren’t you?”

She simply shrugged, melting against his chest, his undead heart beating just a tad stronger at how much comfort she got from simply being held by him. “It’s not so hard nowadays when you’ve become an open book to me.”

Astarion had nothing to respond to that because he knew he had, at least with Y/N. He might not voice it out loud, but his heart was open. Yes, fear still lingered in bleeding gashes around the edges, but he knew, she’d always be there to dab at the pained spots and heal them with a kiss.

“I’m not leaving,” she mumbled, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Not now, not ever. Not when the sun sets or rises. An army would have to come in and tie me up before dragging me away from you. And even then, I’d be kicking and screaming, biting my way out to get home.”

Astarion’s breath stuttered, but he didn’t mention what the words of her referring to him as her home did to him. “I just want if only a minute to stand in the sun with you. If that’s all I’m given for the rest of eternity, it’s what I’ll take. Just a moment with you in the sun.”

Y/N took his chin between her thumb and pointer finger, tilting his head up so their eyes could meet – his scarlet ones brimming with unshed tears, her own Y/E/C ones filled with nothing but sure-fire determination. “Whatever is in that book, spell or no, we’ll figure it out. But one day, I know, you will be able to walk in the sun again. I’ll make sure of it. Even if I have to raise all nine hells, I’ll find a way.”

“I know you will.” Astraion sighed, letting the tears roll down his cheeks. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

Y/N’s laughter was the most gorgeous symphony to his ears. She gave a light kiss to the very tip of his right one, a shiver of pleasure rushing down his spine. “We’ll figure it out, my Star.”

That morning, just a couple of hours after their conversation, as Y/N was closing all the shutters to their home so as to not let in the sun of the new day, Astarion slid his palm into hers, tugging her to their bed while kissing every inch of her skin he could get to.

He needed to be close to her, he needed to sink into her and fuse together, become as close to one body as possible, otherwise, it was like he was going to combust from the love unless he could bathe her in it.

“I need you,” Astarion whispered against her cheek, as Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck.

“You have me,” she responded in kind. “All of me is yours if you want it.”

A shudder went through his body as he swiftly, but tenderly rid both of them of their clothes, gentle hands running over Y/N’s hips and sides, as she lightly squirmed away from him when he playfully dug his fingers against her ribs, before trailing their way to her stomach, where a jagged scar stood slightly raised against the rest of her body.

“And I’m yours. Body and soul,” Astarion said, still looking at that scar while he slowly slipped his frame to rest atop, his cock sliding through her already slick folds, lightly nudging his tip against her clit in a teasing manner.

“Mine,” Y/N sighed out dreamily, as he filled her, her legs locking around his hips, ankles crossed over the small of his back to pull him deeper until their hips rested flush against one another.

A slight whimper escaped him as he affirmed. “Yours… just yours, my love.”

He’d never thought that such a word as “mine” would bring him such feelings of love and adoration.

Astarion had always wanted to belong. He’d always wanted a family, friends or a true lover to build his life with, but for a horribly long time, all because of Cazador, that wish was locked away in a tomb just like him. And after a while of pain and misery, he just gave up on the idea as a whole. Belonging to someone became a despised thing, a notion he had no free will. He was a pet, a thing to be had and done with as his master pleased.

But then that Nautiloid ship happened, and he gained allies. Who morphed into friends, and then Y/N, the oddest one of their group, became so much more than that.

That night when he’d offered himself to her, he’d been ready to use his body as coin, as he’d been taught, if it granted him food, shelter and protection. Astarion was used to whoring himself out, but that wouldn’t be the worst he’d done. At least Y/N was nice to look at. She included him in conversations during the day and asked for his opinion. It would most certainly be lovelier than the other times.

Yet she’d surprised him and said no. She still offered him all the things he asked for, even her neck if he needed to feed, but Y/N was adamant she would not take sex as payment for such things.

Astarion took a surprised step back. “Am I – do I not appeal to you?”

Why did it sting? Why did the thought of the answer being “yes” hurt so much?

“No,” she shook her head. “It’s just that you don’t have to ask for those things and sleep with me as payment.”

“Oh.” That stumped him truly. His mind reeled at her words. “Then what is it that you want?” A cheeky comment was right there for him to spit out, but he refrained.

Y/N shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe patch a hole in a shirt, if it gets too ruined? Help me carry part of my loot if it gets too heavy? We’re friends, or at least good travel companions, I’d like to think.”

That moment had changed everything for Astarion. It had changed how he looked at himself and what he could ask of the world. She’d helped him learn he could say no.

When Y/N had been close to decapitating that vile Drow Araj after she looked at him like he was a puppet for Y/N to use, Astarion had confessed that night – his whole plan of seducing her, securing his safety and getting in her good graces so he always had someone to have his back if suddenly the rest of their party decided to turn against him.

The kiss they’d shared, initiated by Astarion himself, felt like the first kiss of his life. He was jittering like a youth as Y/N’s lips pressed to his. And for the first time in ages, he thought maybe he had someone, to be with not belong to.

When she cried out in ecstasy as Astarion started to move, slowly dragging his hips back and forth, allowing her to feel every ridge and dip and immersing himself in the warm, wet feeling surrounding him, his thoughts couldn’t help but wander to that moment in the Szarr Palace when Y/N had cried in pain instead as Cazador’s knife dug deep into her gut.

She’d gone in for an attack in an attempt at freeing Astarion from the grasp of the Ascension ritual, and she had almost gotten Cazador, had the vampire not moved in the last second, twisting away from her sword and delivering the critical hit himself.

Someone screamed so loud, the sound verged on popping Astarion’s eardrums. It was only when his throat went raw he realised it was him screaming.

Cazador didn’t even bother to pull the knife out, letting Y/N drop to the ground in a heap, her blood trickling out of her wound and pooling around her body, staining the tiles a deep red.

Astarion wanted to retch at the sight.

“Pathetic,” Cazador spat. “Both of you.”

Nothing but white-hot rage coursed through Astarion’s veins as he watched his master walk around Y/N’s crumpled form, nudging her with his foot as if she were nothing more than a worm.

“I cannot deny,” Cazador mussed. “For a brief second, I did consider turning her into a new addition to our family. It would have been fitting – my prodigal son, returning and bringing the last piece I need. A fitting punishment, for your disobedience, Astarion, wouldn’t you agree? You’ve broken pretty much all of my rules, and someone has to pay.”

Cazador turned his back on Y/N, obscuring Astarion's view of her. “And how poetic would have it been, had it been you draining her, taking every last drop of her blood, only for me to sire. I think I would have enjoyed your screaming immensely, but no matter. It would only be a waste of time.” The vampire master smirked at a struggling Astarion. “Tell me – was her blood sweet? It smells absolutely delectable. Maybe I should have a little taste.”

“Fuck you!” Astarion roared. “Damn you to all nine hells!”

Cazador only chuckled. “Maybe a couple of decades in that tomb of yours will do you good. Remind you of manners. Or maybe I will let Godey -,” but he didn’t manage to finish whatever horrors he was already painting in his mind as he choked on the words.

The vampire’s dark brows furrowed as he slowly glanced down and saw a blade protruding from his stomach, the hilt buried deep against his spine.

Surprise, anger and confusion all flashed across the immortal’s face as Y/N yanked the dagger out. Cazador slowly turned and found Y/N standing before him, a hand clutching against her stomach.

“That,” she gasped. “Is for what you did to me and this,” she thrust her hand again, this time letting the blade go clean through Cazador’s neck, “is for what you did to Astarion.”

She left the blade there, taking a few steps back on swaying feet, but it was enough of a distraction to break Cazador’s concentration and Astarion dropped free.

He was on his feet in an instant, pulling the knife Y/N had plunged back out and then smashing it deep into Cazador’s gut over and over and over again until there was nothing left of him but a mangled, almost cut-in-two, corpse.

Astarion dropped to his knees, chest heaving with exertion, his whole body covered in blood, all of it Cazador’s. Who was dead.

Cazador was dead.

His master, his torturer, the one who robbed him of his life and choices was finally gone.

Relief rolled through him like a tidal wave, his body slowly but surely wracked by sobs as catharsis set in. Two hundred years of pain and misery, two hundred years of not owning his body or mind, and now he was suddenly free.

He didn’t know how to process such a realisation. It seemed almost easier to live his life in fear, to constantly look over his shoulder and go to bed with the thought his miracle of a chance at life could be taken away at any moment. In that way, he didn’t have to create friendships or relationships, he didn’t need to get close to anyone and risk losing them. He could just always keep peeking through the tiny slit from the boarded-up window, instead of poking his head through the crack in the door.

So what was he to do now, when that door had been blasted wide open?

“Y/N,” Astarion whispered her name, his head snapping up and scanning the hall, quickly landing on her body.

She’d collapsed about fifteen feet away from Cazador, but it took him less than five seconds to be by her side. With trembling hands, he took her by the shoulder and turned her on her back, so he could see her face.

A sob raked through him. “Please,” Astarion begged, pulling her head to rest on his thighs. “Please don’t leave me.”

“Star,” his name was a moan of pain from Y/N’s lips. And he hated it.

It was supposed to be a sigh of pleasure as his tongue lapped against her sweetest spot, a groan of delight when he sank into her, his hands holding hers, lips pressed together in a reassuring kiss. It was supposed to be a laugh between hiccups as he joked and snarked. It was supposed to be anything but this.

Her body was covered in so much blood, and had it been Cazador’s he would have been fine, but he knew it wasn’t. It was her own, that sweet and tantalizing scent of it running up his nose. Usually, the tiniest drop of it, could turn him feral, but all it did now was make bile rise in his throat as more and more of it coated his hands and the floor around them.

“I’ll complete the ritual,” he choked, brushing a strand of matted-down hair away from Y/N’s face. “And then I’ll save you.”

“Don’t,” she gasped, begging him. “Please don’t.”

“I can’t let you die,” he could barely manage the words, but she still heard them and shook her head.

“And I will not let you kill innocents just to save my life.” Y/N clutched at his arm as tightly as she could with all her remaining strength that was weaning with every passing second. “If you do this, I will never forgive you. You’ll become just like Cazador. And I know you are so – so much more than that. Than him. Don’t let Cazador win. You – you fought so hard,” she sobbed out, half at the implication of what he’d overcome, half at Astarion pressing down on her wound as he attempted to staunch the bleeding, but to no avail. “Don’t throw all of it away. Not for this.”

Astarion swivelled his head around desperately as if a response on what to do could be found in the room, yet nothing but Cazador’s mangled body and the pool of blood it’d created answered.

“Please,” he whispered, leaning down and pressing his forehead to Y/N’s and once again repeated. “Please don’t leave me.”

“I won’t,” her response was barely a puff of air. “I will always be right here with you, Star. To the very end.”

Y/N placed her palm right where his undead heart broke into pieces, and when she closed her eyes, the only sound left was the echoes of his screams.

He might’ve been screaming for ages, Astarion didn’t know nor did he care. All he knew was that his love, his sun, his reason for living was gone.

The sound of the door being broken down invaded his mind, as many pairs of footsteps entered, but Astarion paid no mind to his friends. They could all go to the nine hells with Cazador for his sake, as long as he got to stay with Y/N.

He heard Karlach, the gentle giant of their group gasp out Y/N's name, and even Lae’Zel’s hiss of surprise was unmistakable, the scene before them rendering the rest speechless.

“She almost looks like she’s sleeping,” Astarion muttered, tracing his knuckles against Y/N’s cold skin. So close to his own temperature he didn’t feel the difference. A tear splashed against her cheek, rolling down her temple and disappearing into her hairline.

“Astarion, Shadowheart can help,” Wyll said, stepping closer, but the pale elf just shook his head.

“No,” he muttered, tracing her unmoving features with his thumb. “No one will hurt her. Not anymore.”

“Astarion, she won’t hurt Y/N,” Gale piped up. “We can bring her back.”

But he wasn’t listening anymore. He didn’t care what they were saying. No one else would ever touch her. No one would ever dare hurt her again. He’d set the world on fire if they so much as touched a hair on her head.

His friends however had different ideas. With apologies on their lips, they grabbed him, ripping him away from Y/N, her body unceremoniously dropping to the ground from where her head had been resting against his thighs.

“I’ll kill all of you!” Astarion screamed, trying to bite and scratch as he was pulled further and further away from Y/N. “Some friends you are!”

It took Karalch physically ripping him away from Y/N’s dead body, Lae’Zel and Wyll helping her pin him to the ground as Shadowheart and Gale crouched beside his love, while Astarion trashed against their hold.

“He took her,” Astarion wailed and roared, his pain echoing in the chamber around them. “He took her!"

There was no need for elaboration. Not even Lae’Zel, always so quick to show her disdain against emotion, spoke. Instead, she moved a bit to the side, so Astarion could at least be granted the gift of seeing Y/N’s face as Shadowheart and Gale hovered over her dead body.

“He killed her, and I could do nothing about it,” Astarion whimpered, eyes focused on the serene look his lover had in death. He only hoped she felt at peace wherever she was.

A pale blue light glowed from Shadowheart’s hands, Gale’s power feeding hers.

“It won’t work.” He let the tears fall freely from his eyes. “She’s gone.”

It was a resigned statement from someone who was completely exhausted. He’d prepared for never leaving the Szarr palace, for dying, if he had to, but he’d never prepared himself for losing Y/N. She had become such a staple, such a sure thing in his life, he no longer could imagine how a single day without her smile could go. But now she was gone and –

His brows furrowed. It had to be a trick of his mind, a hallucination his grief-stricken heart was conjuring up, but there it was – the sweetest sound in the world he never thought to hear again – Y/N’s heartbeat.

A ragged intake of breath shattered through the hall, and he watched as her lashes fluttered. Her lungs stuttered as if they needed a minute to reconnect with her brain before they levelled out and remembered how to breathe.

Karalch, Wyll and Lae’Zel released their hold, and Astarion slowly sat up on his forearms. When Y/N took in her first full steady breath, Shadowheart slumped over, Gale already having expected it, dropping into a crouch and allowing her to lean on his side.

He couldn’t believe it. Y/N had died in his arms, he’d watched her life’s blood seep across his hands, and yet there she was – on the ground, her heart beating and lungs dragging in short breaths, barely but still.

“She needs rest,” Shadowheart said, running a soothing hand down her friend’s cheek. “As do I.”

“Let’s get back to the inn.” Wyll approached and helped the exhausted cleric, as he wrapped her arms around his neck and lifted her up, without much of a fuss. Lae’Zel and Gale hovered over Y/N until Astarion was capable of getting to his feet, knees trembling like a fawn's. Whether they were there for him or her, Astarion didn’t know but appreciated nonetheless.

“Would you like me to carry her?” Gale offered, a gentle look on his face, nothing but concern evident, but Astarion shook his head.

“I’ll do it.” His voice was raw from the screaming and crying, but he didn’t care to clear it as he gently lifted her up.

Y/N’s head lolled to rest against his chest as if on instinct and he had to push down a sob as he felt her warm, alive body curl into his own, like so many times before now.

Karlach laid a leather jacket across Astarion’s naked shoulders, but all he could concentrate on were the shallow breaths entering Y/N’s lungs, her slow but steadily beating heart and the way her fingers curled against where his still one rested.

The whole trek back to the lodgings they’d procured previously, Astarion was numb, completely and utterly numb save for the incessant need to check if Y/N was breathing. He was struggling to figure out his emotions.

As he laid her down in the bed, Karlach lighted a fire and Gale promised to bring a cloth and some warm water for Astarion to clean Y/N up, he couldn’t help but grieve Cazador.

He didn’t stray from his love’s bedside not even for a second, keeping vigil day and night, but most importantly watching her chest rise and fall with deep, even breaths, yet some part of him mourned his master as well.

Three days after the events of the Szarr Palace, Astarion had reluctantly agreed to have a quick wash while Karlach watched over Y/N. He regretted that decision more than anything because sometime during the ten minutes he allowed himself to get rid of the crusted blood, she had awoken.

When he re-entered the bedroom, Astarion almost fainted at the sight of her beautiful Y/E/C eyes boring into his scarlet ones.

“Hello, Star,” she croaked through a smile, and he almost crumbled then and there by the doorway, had it not been for the tight grip on the knob.

Karlach made a quick exit, but not before placing a warm palm against his shoulder, giving him a slight nudge in Y/N’s direction, though he didn’t need one. It was like she had a magical pull, making him stumble across the room before his knees gave out with a hard thud and his hand desperately sought out Y/N’s. When their fingers entwined in a tight hold, he swore to himself to never let go of her again.

“I thought I lost you,” his voice broke. “I – I thought I’d never see you again.”

“I’m sorry,” her own tone was quiet, barely a whisper. “But I couldn’t just let him hurt you more.”

“I know. I know you… I just…” He huffed, brows furrowing as he searched for the correct words. “I thought when I got my freedom back, you would be there by my side, but instead you were the cost of it.” Astarion choked on the word “cost”. “But at the same time, I couldn’t help but mourn the loss of him.” He didn’t say his name, he’d decided Cazador wasn’t worth having the honour of a name spoken aloud.

“And it felt disgusting. He hurt you. He took you from me, and yet… I didn’t even have him left after your… your… heart stopped,” Astarion took a shaky intake of breath. “I was completely and utterly alone. When Shadowheart appeared, I was almost tempted to ask her to revive him just so I could kill him again for what he did to you… and maybe, just so I wasn’t alone.”

Astarion lifted his gaze, resting his cheek against the palm Y/N had untwined from his, so her soft thumb could brush away the rivers of tears spilling down his face. “Please don’t leave me again. I’m – I’m not strong enough to go through it once more.”

“You are, my Star,” Y/N kissed his forehead. “You are so strong.”

“Let me rephrase that then – I don’t want to go through anything in life. Not without you by my side.”

“I promise,” she muttered and leaned forward pulling Astarion to lay next to her, sealing the vow with a kiss.

And though he still struggled with nightmares of that fight, though he still woke up breathless at times, arms desperately searching for the warm body that always occupied the other side of the bed, the deepest reassurance he could ever have that everything was alright, that Y/N was safe and sound, were moments like these when her body melted against his, where she was panting and gasping and so full of life, especially as Astarion hit that one spot that made Y/N throw her head back in a moan of pleasure.

Her nails dug into his shoulders with such a delicious taste of pain, never drawing blood though, but always leaving crescent imprints he wanted to keep on his body forever. Like Y/N’s touch could erase everything Cazador had left on him.

Y/N’s back arched, and Astarion used the moment to slip his hands underneath and pull her upwards from the bed so that she was resting in his lap, legs wrapped around his waist, chest to chest, and him buried so deep, it made both their eyes roll to the backs of their heads in pleasure.

She’d taught him sex could be wonderful. It could be meaningful and lovely, instead of a means to an end or a bargaining chip to be used. It had taken a while for Astarion to grow comfortable with even the thought of her touching him, but nowadays, he became quite the grump if he ever awoke not in Y/N’s arms, even if it was for such a simple reason as nature calling her.

Her touch was the balm on sunburnt skin, her kiss was a reassurance that it needn’t go further than that and he could always say no and would be listened to. But in moments like these, all Astation wanted was more. He wanted to feel her squeeze around him, to hear her breath choke at the back of her throat, he craved to feel her pulse race as she climbed higher and higher, closer and closer to her orgasm with every thrust of his hips.

Sex had been something repulsive and vile to him. Now it was the most beautiful thing he felt blessed to participate in, all because of the woman moaning his name above him.

“I’m so close,” she whispered in his ear as Astarion kissed her neck, heart thundering in her chest.

“Let go,” he muttered, a shiver rolling down Y/N’s spine at the pleading tone of his words, making her grip his back tighter, and dig in her nails more. “Let go, I got you.”

She whimpered at his coaxing words and tightened so much around his cock, it became almost impossible for Astarion to keep pumping in and out, so he slid a hand down across her chest to her clit, just to push her over that edge she was teetering on.

Two deft fingers circled around the swollen bud, once, twice and that was it for Y/N to break. With a sigh of his name, she came, hard, taking him along as well, the orgasm surprising Astarion with its intensity and how quickly it’d crept upon him.

Bliss exploded through his veins, and his nails dug into the small of Y/N’s back, always careful to not hurt her, but deep enough to leave moon-shaped marks on her body, the same ones she no doubt had left along his back and shoulders as they both succumbed to euphoria.

A moan got stuck in his throat before slipping past his lips as Y/N ground down one final time, before stilling her hips and relishing how he filled her until the mix of their pleasure ran down their thighs and stained the sheets below. Never mind that though. It was a problem for future Astarion and Y/N.

They both were trembling as, slowly, the orgasmic wave subsided, and as they came down from their highs, Astarion couldn’t help but place a cheeky kiss on Y/N’s neck, letting his fangs skim along her skin and feel her pulse spike at that.

Y/N let out a breathless laugh, her hands slowly skimming up and down his spine, body still rocked by pleasure. “If you want a snack, you know all you have to do is ask.”

“I’m fine,” Astarion mumbled, burying his nose in the crook of her neck. “I just… I just love you. That’s all.”

At least that’s what he said, but underneath laid a thousand other words – I need to feel your heart beating. I have to feel your skin against mine. I need to hear you breathing and know that you’re alive and here with me. That he wasn’t imagining it as some sort of a hallucination and wouldn’t wake up back under Cazador’s control with her body lying dead on the ground by his feet.

Y/N hummed in content, pressing a kiss to Astarion’s chest. “I love you too. So much.”

A smile bloomed on his lips as he pulled away just a bit so he could cup Y/N’s face between his hands. “I don’t know what I may have done in my previous life, and I certainly don’t know what I did in this one to ever deserve someone like you, but whatever it was… I’m glad I did.”

The way her eyes shone would have brought Astarion to his knees, had he already not been kneeling on the bed. Y/N was just about to pull him in for a deep kiss when their moment was disturbed by the bell of their house ringing.

They knew it was daytime. And only one person would ring it then.

Astarion looked at Y/N.

She lifted a brow. “Ready to figure out what’s in that book?”

He pressed his forehead to hers. “With you, I’m ready for anything.”

Tags:

Everything tags: @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @m-a-t-91 @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @gallifreyansass @dewy-biitch @avxgers @unlikelygalaxygiver @magicwithaknife @ollyoxenfrees @bnhvrdy @tvwhoresblog @thatkindofgurl @sj-thefan @lestersglitterglue @im-squished @strangersstranger

Astarion tags: @spacebarbarianweird

A/N: I am in love with pixels on a screen...

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rockalillygirl · 1 year ago

Text

Murderbot Holding Hands

(Minor spoilers alert for Artificial Condition, Rogue Protocol, Exit Strategy pls check the tags)

First real post because I’m shy. Don’t know why it’s going to be a hyper-specific murderbot meta but here we go:

I’ve been rereading all the books after finishing System Collapse <3 and I want to talk about a small moment in Artificial Condition that I’d never noticed before. It’s near the end of the book when Tapan is in ART’s medsystem after nearly dying, and SecUnit says that when Tapan wakes up it’s holding her hand.

When Tapan woke, I was sitting on the MedSystem’s platform holding her hand. (Artificial Condition, p. 155 in my ebook)

I thought it was a really sweet moment, but it also kind of puzzled me because of SecUnit’s aversion to touch. Later when I was reading Exit Strategy, I noticed a similar moment when SecUnit holds hands with Mensah to help disguise them as they’re trying to escape TranRollinHyfa.

[Mensah] took a deep breath and looked up at me. “We can look calm. We’re good at that.” Yeah, we were. I did a quick review to make sure I was running all my not-a-SecUnit code, then I thought of one more thing I could do. As we stepped out of the pod, I took Mensah’s hand. (Exit Strategy, p. 87)

Reading these scenes felt different in a couple ways. In my opinion, SecUnit taking Mensah’s hand in Exit Strategy seemed like more of a big deal because it was a part of SecUnit’s reunion with Mensah, and we see its thoughts and emotions leading up to it. And it tracks that SecUnit might feel ok holding Mensah’s hand in that situation because of their close friendship. But the moment in Artificial Condition is more mysterious. We don’t get any of SecUnit’s internal monologue at the beginning because the scene opens when Tapan wakes up. And even though it’s clear in the book that SecUnit likes Tapan along with Rami and Maro, I wouldn’t say their relationship is anywhere near as close as its bond with Mensah. So why did it hold her hand?

I think it’s a neat moment that’s fun to ponder! And I have some vague ideas I’d like to share about it. (Some of this is based on the books and some is my speculation as an ace/aspec person dealing with touch aversion.) (Also none of these thoughts are mutually exclusive!)

Maybe SecUnit saw holding Tapan’s hand as a form of first aid after her traumatic experience and didn’t want her to panic waking up in a strange ship’s medsystem. This fits with SecUnit bracing itself to hug Mensah in Exit Strategy. (The memes of this moment are perfect lol)

But I was the only one here, so I braced myself and made the ultimate sacrifice. “Uh, you can hug me if you need to.” She started to laugh, then her face did something complicated and she hugged me. I upped the temperature in my chest and told myself it was like first aid. (Exit Strategy, pp. 82-3)

But I feel like SecUnit might not care as much about comforting Tapan in a similar way if it hadn’t already built up some kind of trust with her? Which brings me to Thought 2:

I think SecUnit might have felt safe holding Tapan’s hand because of the moment in Artificial Condition in the second transient hostel when Tapan laid down next to it. (Ofc I think rescuing Tapan from Tlacey’s ship was also a factor, trauma-bonding and all. But to me this moment in the hostel is more important.)

Thirty-two minutes later, I heard movement. I thought Tapan was getting up to go to the restroom facility, but then she settled on the pad behind me, not quite touching my back… I had never had a human touch me, or almost touch me, like this before and it was deeply, deeply weird. (Artificial Condition, pp. 136-7)

This is one of my favorite sequences in Artificial Condition (which is also my favorite book in the series because of ART! And because I find it quiet, reflective, and weirdly cozy even though objectively few cozy things happen now that I think about it). The scene is pretty mundane with a lot of fun bits like SecUnit pretending to need to use the restroom, be on a diet, etc. And we usually don’t get to see SecUnit hanging out with only one person. So it gives room for some small, but important feelings that I don’t think SecUnit has time to explore when it’s busy saving the day. Like how it feels about physical contact with humans.

(idk it reminds me of how like in ghibli films there’s usually at least one scene with the characters eating a meal or something because it sort of grounds everything else. I just like it!)

Tapan being close to SecUnit seems to throw if off-guard, but the context of the scene feels non-threatening and pretty mellow. So I think this gives SecUnit the opportunity to check-in with itself about this new experience. It still feels weird about it, but not in a scary or upsetting way. I think it’s almost this mutual vulnerability (Tapan feeling vulnerable and seeking comfort and SecUnit feeling vulnerable about her closeness and its own boundaries) that creates a bond between them, and that’s why SecUnit reaches out to Tapan to comfort her when she wakes up onboard ART.

That scene has become really special to me. And I would argue that it’s an important moment to SecUnit too because it brings it up again in Exit Strategy, along with a later moment in Rogue Protocol, thinking about times when it’s experienced physical contact with humans in a non-traumatizing way.

Except it wasn’t entirely awful. It was like when Tapan had slept next to me at the hostel, or when Abene had leaned on me after I saved her; strange, but not as horrific as I would have thought. (Exit Strategy, p. 83)

These moments seem to lead up to SecUnit offering to comfort Mensah later on because it’s reached a point where it feels willing to do so for her sake, even if it doesn’t want to seek out that kind of comfort for itself. And it’s really cool to see SecUnit navigate this throughout the books.

SecUnit starts the series with a strong innate sense that it doesn’t want to be touched by humans, but it’s allowed to refine those feelings in light of its new experiences. It’s boundaries are situational and personal, and even well-meaning humans sometimes struggle to understand them at first. Other times, SecUnit finds it difficult to understand it’s own feelings regarding touch and even changes its mind. But, importantly, the narrative always presents this as valid and worthy of respect.

This is a much more nuanced and realistic portrayal of defining boundaries than I’ve seen in a lot of media- one where it’s a constant and sometimes confusing process of self-discovery.

And these might seem like obvious concepts to some people, but they weren’t for me growing up. I really wish I’d read these books when I was younger, and maybe I would’ve given myself more grace to define my comfort level, grow, and change. But I’m glad that I’m in a place now where I can see and appreciate these things in what’s become one of my favorite series.

Anyway, I don’t want to say "thanks for coming to my TedTalk” lol. But very grateful to anyone who reads this and hope it was thought-provoking. Would be interested to hear other people’s thoughts on these scenes!

#murderbot diaries #murderbot meta #murderbot #secunit #artificial condition #rogue protocol #exit strategy #murderbot spoilers #too many feelings

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