#if im being unreasonable do tell me (politely) please

[aew-kun-age-regression]

Are you ever going to answer your requests or re open them because you have had them shut for ages now

I have been working on answering them, I have been working on a Daredevil fic that was requested which is nearly finished but it's not the media that my brain is currently the most hyper fixated on so I need you to understand that it will naturally take longer for me to do.

This blog is for me to post things that make me happy and I also want to make content for other people but it's important to remember that this is something I'm doing with my free time and I won't necessarily always want to answer stuff and I'm not obligated to do so. I would like to also be clear that I have not been well for several months now and have not been coping well with that so a lot of my content has been self indulgent to make me feel better, I appreciate that not everyone will have those same interests but this is also my blog.

Also I will reopen my requests when I feel like I have emptied my asks box enough, until then it will remain closed.

[respectthepetty]

hi!! i can’t stop thinking about your wild-ass theory about saifah and how it feels like you’ve predicted the whole dang plot!

im thinking next episode is gonna be mostly happy and fluffy with a bit of angst about kang and his dad (otherwise you’d think they would’ve had the saifah getting arrested clip in the trailer for the episode). but then I reckon episode 9 is where shit’s gonna go DOWN (although it might also be episode 10, but it feels like there’s several subplots that’re gonna happen and they’re gonna need as many episodes as possible to unpack them while still having a satisfying ending)

anyway this isn’t really saying anything, I just wanted to tell you how much I LOVE your theories and reading your posts, and I also love dangerous romance this series is so good, it very very quickly became my entire personality and I can’t stop rewatching it hehe

BUT YEAH, I LOVE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY YOURE AWESOME FJEKEIFJEJEJFIEJE

Wild Ass Theory Update

@quodekash, because this is you giving me a compliment and me blushing from it, I'm giving you everything that has been stuck in my head over the past couple of weeks.

TLWR: Episode 8/9 - Kanghan is going to throw a tantrum about his dad paying for him to get on the team, spend all his dad's money on Sailom on a trip, and sleep with him, only to return home and see that his dad has been shot and Saifah had something to do with it causing him to question everything about Sailom.

Thank you very much for saying that you love my theories, and that I'm awesome, but I appreciate even more that you LOVE Dangerous Romance.

Because I, too, love it. An unreasonable amount, in fact. It makes me so happy even though I know some pain is headed our way.

And much like you, I think that pain is coming in episode 9. Now that Saifah is in Kang's house, we might see some warning signs in episode 8 in the shape of this beautiful giant red flag.

I feel more than confident that Papang is capable of stealing, but I don't think he has it in him to rob an employer's home or shoot someone, which is also a part of my theory (let the dad get shot, please!), so Name has to be involved!

But that's partly why I love this show. It has done a good job giving us crumbs along the way about what is to come, which is why I don't feel like it's a wild ass theory because I think Saifah does feel some type of way about Name enough to help him with a dumb plan.

Because even Kang's dad paying for Kang to get on the soccer team was implanted into the story well.

Since we knew from the first episode that he regularly donates money to the school for students, so it wouldn't seem out of the norm for some of that money to benefit his child as well.

Even Pimfah's crush on Sailom seemed written in stone to me from the first episode when the dog discussion came up since she stood firmly on the "show the dog love" side then continued to show Sailom love while Kang is in the "punish the dog" boat.

So, once again, I think the show has done a great job telling us Saifah is going to be involved in robbing that house, even if it's as simple as letting the actual robbers in. But robbing the house doesn't seem enough to split the couple up, which is why I think someone has to get shot.

DON'T LET IT BE THE GRANDMA! It must be the dad.

The grandma has to be the one to convince Kang to trust himself and his love for Sailom, so he can believe Sailom had nothing to do with this plot, and that Saifah didn't intend for anyone to get hurt.

The dad has to be shot because there is still tension between him and Kanghan, AND wouldn't it be interesting if the robbery (and shooting) were less about "eat the rich" and more of the political backstabbing variation?

So with all that being written, I think the robbery will happen either at the end of episode eight or the beginning of episode nine IF Kanghan finds out early in the episode that his dad paid for him to get on the team since Pimfah is going to drop this line in eight.

Would really suck for Kanghan to be focused and on the right path only for his last parent to get shot, and him be lost all over again, no? Would be awful for Kang to find out his dad paid his way onto the team, be pissed off about it, throw a tantrum, and use up all his money on a trip with Sailom where he tells him how much he loves him . . .

Spend the night with Sailom (possibly their first time together) telling him how much he appreciates Sailom for believing in him like the best version of a BL honeymoon

Only to return home and see his dad has been shot and think Sailom had something to do with it since Saifah is being arrested.

Kanghan will push Sailom away from guilt of being upset at his father who is now in the hospital and confusion of his feelings for Sailom, which means Sailom is going to have to start escorting again to make ends meet because Name is NOT in jail and still in charge of debts (10?)

Then Kanghan is going to assault Sailom. (10?)

The grandma is gonna be like "IDIOT!" and Kanghan is going to rescue Sailom (11?)

And Sailom is going to cry about having no one left, and Kanghan is going to be like "you still have me" (11?)

And then we get episode 12 where the real baddies go to jail.

*curtain closes*

The crumbs have been laid, and I'm following them all the way to grandma's house. Name x Saifah, don't just be my ghost ship.

Be the ship to cause some shit!

[pixeljade]

Okay i've tried like 20 times to word this in a way that'll go as gently as possible but I dont think im gonna be 100% successful bc autism, so im just gonna post this and hope yall dont take it in bad faith:

Theres a lot of younger queers (especially AFAB ones) who still hold TERF ideology and the main reason I see them failing to let it go is because they cant embrace sex positivity.

Which like. I kinda get. I mean if I was AFAB and I grew up with creepy toxic masculine dudes constantly sexualizing me while i was still a child, and the pressures of family to reproduce, and all that shit that comes with being AFAB, i'd probably be scared as shit of sex. Heck I'm a *little* scared of it myself since I was sexually assaulted twice before I was 18! But I feel like thats something to fight against, because like...sex is healthy! Sex is good! Sex is the cause of literally all of our lives!!!!

And I'm not saying you have to have sex or anything, god no, I'm on the ace spectrum. I'm saying you have to be normal about sex, because sex is a part of life! Its ESPECIALLY a part of the queer community! And as much as it should be more welcoming to ace people, I also think demanding it be entirely chaste in order to welcome ace people is stupid and selfish and unhealthy.

"So whats this have to do with TERF ideology though?" Well, reader, I'm glad you asked, because "sex is scary" is the first step in the TERF ideology road! It usually goes "sex is scary" -> "men are scary" -> "anything with a penis is scary". And basically every queer person, at least on the surface, is against this. But under the surface, I find it all falls apart, especially amongst AFAB people. AMAB queers are expected to perform femininity to fit in, and almost always if it is the sort of space where femininity is scrutinized, it is expected that the feminine must also be chaste. I feel like thats no accident. It feels like any mention of sexuality from an AMAB person has them thinking about how we have a penis, such a lewd horrible thing, and then its like...instantly we become less womanly to them. They've let their fear tie femininity to a lack of sexuality, which is a TERF idea!

This also is what leads to more censorship of transfem people. As the recent bannings of transfem people on this site continue, I see a lot of posts saying stuff like "You wouldnt have this problem if youd just stop posting sexual content", even being reblogged by supposed allies.

And you might be thinking "well I'm AFAB but I'm trans, so, this doesnt apply to me. Theyre talking about actual TERFs!" And no, you're wrong. I see transmasc people who pull this shit ALL THE TIME. I recently had a transmasc friend cringe and tell me that the fact that I liked Asumi-chan Is Interested In Lesbian Brothels was a red flag because it was "clearly for the male gaze" which is absolutely TERF behavior. I also see a lot of transmasc people being dismissive of transfem fears in the current trans political situation. Its seemingly almost always a specific brand of UwU cottagecore transmasc that does it too, and a few of them I've even caught admitting they "used to be a TERF" which, I'm glad you no longer associate with them, but I'm telling you you still have shit to unlearn. Dont tell me this is out of my lane, either, its no different from if someone pointed out I still had toxic masculinity to unlearn! Which has happened, and I've examined mine. Why do you find it so unreasonable to examine yours?

Anyways thats all for now. Please do better. I shouldnt have to deal with this shit while the government is trying to kill me.

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

I need to share soft sign language buddies ninogami headcanon because they’re taking over my brain always:

(This got so long, so youre welcome if youre also starved for ninogami content)

Nino’s mom is Deaf , so he grew up signing as much as speaking. When he was younger he always signed as he talked.

It turned out he’s also Hard of Hearing, so sign language is way easier for him to understand most of the time.

However, though he’s great at making friends, he’s very awkward when it comes to talking about himself. So never comes up in conversation.

It’s not a self-deprication issue. It’s just a “thinking of things to say is hard and I’d rather have someone else do the talking” thing. He’d rather talk about anyone except himself.

Additionally! He’s great at helping other people, but he’s terrible at asking for help. He does not EVER want to be like “hey i cant understand what you’re saying, my ears dont work great,” its his worst nightmare

And it doesnt help that there have been a few cases of people being rude about it when he doesnt hear them after they repeat themselves. And possibly worse, there have been even more cases of people giving over-the-top apologies instead of just,, telling him what they said. So it’s not worth the trouble in his mind

with his few close friends who still dont know, it feels like its too late and it’d be awkward to bring it up, so he just… doesnt. He’s procrastinating on telling them he cant hear them

He stopped signing as much as he talked in middle school because strangers would always be like “woah thats so cool, how do you know sign language” and he’d just panic because he was an awkward tween, and he didnt know if he was comfortable telling them he was HoH, but ALSO just saying his mom was Deaf and not mentioning himself felt like directly lying by hiding information, so he just took the “lazy” way out and signed less in public.

Sometimes fighting the anxiety was not worth it so he just let it win in that case.

Nino is so nice and energetic and loves people, but he is way more introverted and anxious than his friends think.

But when they start to get closer, Kagami who is ever-observant, notices him signing a little bit, (not ever to her, not ever on purpose, but he’d sometimes sign a word he needed to remember while speaking or sign along to emphasize something)

and she luckily for his anxiety, she doesnt know how to have a normal conversation either.

Her (platonic as well as romantic) love language is studying and research, and Nino seems very cool and she likes him, even if she is awful at holding a conversation with him or doing anything to show it.

She thinks he’s so cool and such an amazing talented kind friend. She has so much love for him that she doesnt know what to do with it. So she channels that energy into learning to sign through the internet and whatever tools she can find

And then after a while of this, she’s like “oh no, he’s gonna think that’s so creepy, I cant tell him I know sign language or he’ll be so uncomfortable”

So, like a whole idiot, she hides that she’s learning sign language from anyone. Because OBVIOUSLY if word got back to Nino, he’d assume it was because of him and that she was a weirdo he shouldn’t be friends with

But also Kagami accidentally falls in love with sign language because she has undiagnosed autism. She always assumed that communicating was just going to be impossible no matter what, but as she gets proficient in sign language she’s like,,, oh,,, OH,, this is very nice

Even just signing while she talks makes it so much easier to keep words and sentances straight, but she only does it when she’s alone with her mother, who is literally blind and would never know.

They become closer friends in late high school, and by that time a lot of Nino’s anxiety has worn off and he’s become completely comfortable letting teachers know when he needs to hear somthing, and middle school feels like a distant dream

At some point, Nino invites Kagami to his house a few times, and he signs with his mom. Nino is like “I can interpret for you,” and Kagami is like “wow thanks, I’m so lucky, because I obviously do not know any sign language, why would I have learned it, and also for the record it is brand new information to me that you can sign,” and Nino is like “cool? Its not a secret but im glad i told you if you somehow didnt already know,” and Kagami is like, “yep :)”

But then eventually as they become really close, they are texting one night, (Kagami can still barely get out of her house, so they need to communicate remotely. And both of then HATE phone calls bc its so hard to understand whats happening, but neither of them have admitted this to anyone)

Nino admits that he likes using sign language better than talking, and he wishes he could use it with his friends, but he’d feel so guilty asking them to learn an entire language just to make him slightly more comfortable. He can talk and hear OKAY so he shouldnt put the pressure on them.

and Kagami is like “you could always ask, worst case scenerio they say no, and i dont think thats an unreasonable demand” and nino is like “it is though,” and kagami’s like “ok so haha funny story, please dont hate me” and nino is like, “…what.” And kagami confesses everything and nino is like “why… why would i hate you for that?” And Kagami is like “oh wait youre right im stupid,”

And then Nino’s also like “hey if YOURE more comfortable signing too, then why dont YOU ask your friends to sign for you. Do you see what i mean? It’s hard to ask-” and kagami is like, “as your friend i will prove it is not.”

So then Kagami ends up confronting Adrien and Marinette the next day and is like “Hi. This is a sign language dictionary. Learn from it.” And they’re both like “what?” And she’s like “oh wait sorry. Backing up. I’m autistic. I decided like three years ago. Forgot to tell you. And I need you to learn to sign a little bit so you can understand if i sign something at you. If you want, of course. Please :D.” And theyre like “ok sure yeah i can do that.”

(Theyve already learned and accepted that shes extremely direct in asking for things)

So then she texts nino and is like “i did it. Youre welcome.”

But anyway both of them are uncomfortable in crowds and parties: Nino cant hear anyone and Kagami tends to get sensory overload, so they start signing mostly in those situations, and then it starts to sink in that they’re allowed to sign whenever and that the other really IS also comfortable with it.

(Both of them are much more willing to make sacrifices for others than to try something new and intimidating for themself, so this is the perfect situation to trick them into getting out of their comfort zone, ironically by trying to be more comfortable in the long run)

so they will just sit together and hang out and have long conversations while just chilling somewhere in a park or at cafes or whatever. Both of them become chattier than they’ve ever been because talking and understanding is so much easier, and its addicting

And their close friends all become proficient enough in sign language to have simple conversations.

But also Nino and Kagami start sitting together automatically even in group hangouts, and they start hanging out more with just the two of them, and soon neither of them feel bad about asking to hang out in quieter places, because they can justify it knowing that it will also help the other one, and together that makes both of them also more comfortable asking for little accomodations from other friends, if only to prove to the other that they can do it too.

And Kagami has the lesser-known autism side effect where she makes WAY TOO MUCH eye contact. She’s aware of it but that doesnt make it go away. Normally she feels so awkward about it, and overthinks her gaze because she doesnt want to scare people away. But when signing, you literally HAVE to be watching the other person constantly, so she has an excuse to just be herself, and its so relieving

(and also its kind of fun to look at Nino anyway because he can get so animated and his smile is really nice and oh no she is in love a little bit)

And Nino always struggles because he emotionally ALWAYS needs to be the nice polite one. His anxiety sometimes gets the better of him and he’s constantly worried about sending the wrong signals to his friends and coming off as rude somehow. But with Kagami, he can literally just ask?? And she will tell him her honest opinion without making it weird. And its so comfy and so good and he really loves hearing her unfiltered opinions on so many things because she sees the world in such a unique way and she gets so passionate about such little things and then oh no, he is fallen for her before he can realize it

And they also learn that they’re both artists, they both love to just observe the world because even if they;re awkward, people are actually pretty great most of the time, and its fun to observe them and try to capture the world, and they just sit together and sketch, or they watch each other sketch, and the thing is, both of them draw ONLY FOR THEMSELVES, its not a ‘skill,’ and they don;t want it to be, its just private art for relaxation. Somehow, though, its okay if they share their art with each other. They can just sit in comfortable silence for hours while one of them sketches something and the other watches patiently

And they start to get more comfortable with one of their heads resting on the other’s shoulder as they watch them doodle, and sitting so close their legs press together, and soon enough their hands start brushing against each other’s as they walk next to each other and then all of a sudden they’re casually holding hands whenever they’re not signing because it’s nice

They try to share headphones so Nino can share some of his favorite songs and his compositions with Kagami. But try as she might, Kagami can not handle the sensory of only having one earbud in. Nino knows her tells by that point, and he’s not about to let her suffer for a stupid reason, but she REALLY does want to hear his music. They somehow end up with Kagami putting a pair of headphones around her neck and turning up the volume a little bit so she can hear, while Nino rests his head on her shoulder so he can hear just enough to know where she is in the song

And then he has to sit up and scootch away just enough to see her hands so they can talk about it, and they both pretend not to notice how nice it was to snuggle as they sign. Its fine, though, because now they get the excuse to just look at each other again and sign overdramatically with exaggerated facial expressions, and no one else around can overhear their conversation, and Nino likes to go a little over the top when signing onomatopoeia and acting out particular parts of the song rhythm that he likes, and Kagami laughs, and they both mentally save the image of each other in this moment the same way that they look at reference images for artwork, memorizing the lines of each movement and the things that make each smile unique,

and Nino also shows up at every single one of her fencing tournaments, and he sits as close as he can and signs encouraging messages to her from the crowd whenever she’s not actively competing, (that her blind mom can never catch, which is somewhat of a bonus to Kagami, because every element of their friendship that her mother cant interact with makes this more personal and special and HERS). Every little sign she sends back at him, even a simple thank you, always feels so good and rebellious and free because shes supposed to be focusing on fencing but shes deciding to care more about friendship. And even if she’s expected to leave immediately afterword, she’ll find every excuse possible to find him and give him a hug, which he’ll always accept even though she jokingly warns him shes sweaty and gross

And eventually they are special best friends and it brings them instant joy to see each other and theyre able to interact for no reason other than that they want to and like each other

(And then they kiss)

[detransexual]

Detransition is weird as shit even if its less of a struggle to deal with now. I wish i could speak more, louder and less afraid, i wish i could be open and honest and say what i think needs saying, there's not a lot of us willing to speak openly yet, not with our real faces, our real voices and our real names. Especially not those of us who have legitimate criticisms of the trans community and medical transition.

Its all declawed and defanged, wrapped up in cotten and presented as unthreatheningly as possible, and ive seen the stress on those who do speak bravely and openly and i do hope i muster up the courage to join their voices eventually, it feels like a moral failing to do nothing but talk to those closest to me when its getting noticably worse and i cant bare to think how many more girls like me there are gonna be, how many more there are in the less than ten years since i fell the rabbithole, and it terrifies me how much worse it must be for them, how little of an opportunity they really have to make a legitimate decision, how much harder it must be to actually figure out your own identity when you are been bombarded with unhinged internet politics and misogynistic propaganda on a daily basis.

like i dont WANT to sound like "think of the children!!1!" but legitimately? Think of the fucking children actually, there is literally nothing wrong with safeguarding children, it is not inherently a bad faith argument or a dogwhistle you idpol poisoned morons. There ARE a lot of teenage transitioners, children DO get prescribed puberty blockers, and we need to address the ethical dilemmas that come with that we cant just NOT discuss it??

Who fucking cares IF its transphobic, it doesnt fucking matter, there is a rapidly growing number of teenage girls who are experiencing very real distress about their bodies and how they are treated because of their bodies, and they're being told that THEY and their bodies are the problem, that they're different from other girls (ahah no dont develop class consciousness ur so easy to manipulate when you feel alienated from + persecuted by other women ahah~) that they'll never be comfortable in their bodies, and the only way to escape is to transition (ahah noo dont try to overcome your psychological distress and attempt self acceptance you're so profitable when you hate yourself and you're desperate for plastic surgery & hormones ahah~) like thats fucked, i mean thats absolutely FUCKED. That is just fucking marketing plastic surgery to people with body image issues, at its core that is what it fucking is, all in the name of proving that trans people are as indistinguishable as possible from the opposite sex (ahah noo dont safeguard children from lifelong & irreversible complications they're so convenient as ideological pawns we can use as an argumwnt for why biological sex doesnt matter ahah~)

you cant tell fucking KIDS that they were magically born in the wrong body and the ONLY way for them to be happy is to become a lifetime patient and then go "well its their choice! Kids known themselves best, there's no unsavoury incentives here they're making a totally informed and free decision, nothing to see here!" and think im not gonna think you're like, evil actually. I know most people have good intentions, i know more yet just dont dare speak out, i know there are very legitimate cult-like dynamics going on here, i do have empathy, i am being hyperbolic and i understand most people are just eager to please morons who are being fed propaganda and actively being discouraged from structural analysis on ANY level but it is so frustrating how so many useful idiots can cause so much damage when they are trying to do the opposite i feel like im going crazy sometimes. I mean i am but thats mostly unrelated.

Anyway im perhaps a little bit batshit unhinged sometimes but i dont feel like im being unreasonable about this one, its morally fucked up to not only allow but actively encourage young girls with high rates of trauma (especially sexual trauma), social difficulties, and severe and complex mental health issues to undergo permanent medical changes that we know neither the full risks and side effects of, nor the efficacy of it as a treatment, it just fucking is.

And yeah i care about young boys transitioning too but like, they're never gonna be my main concern because i will never experience athat so im not equipped to speak on it, aaaand also im not equipped to tackle how the incentives r verrry different because i havent met as many mtfs irl so i cant make any personal observations n im not as familiar with the comorbidity statistics etc.

Nyway thats not what i was gonna say originally but sometimes u get possessed by something or other like a fuckin.. Whatever that thing was with victorian people writing but it was ghosts somehow, idk im on drugs do you fucking mind

[princesssarcastia]

Thoughts on Star Trek AOS? (And do you think Kirk was on Tarsus?)

i have SO MANY THOUGHTS about star trek aos, so buckle up.  brace yourself.

star trek aos is a terrible disaster and i love it SO MUCH.  for me, star trek 2009 is still in that class of unreasonably pleasing movies like the mummy or stardust or jumanji: welcome to the jungle.  what they are isn’t exactly top notch but you love them for being exactly what they are.

star trek aos is a star-studded fucking phenomenal cast of some of the best actors working today, which makes up for the very inconsistent writing and unfortunate low-level current of sexism.

literally where would i be today if chris pine could not make faces Like That. i honestly couldn’t tell you.

overall, I have quite a few bones to pick with JJ Abrams for setting up a star trek universe that is less Wacky Space Utopia adventures with liberal political commentary ranging from unsubtle to im-hitting-you-over-the-head-with-my-opinions-like-they’re-a-brick—

to this kind of overtly militarized action-hero adventure porn where one white man saves the universe from Scary People Who Don’t Look Like Us And Are Crazy.  I also don’t appreciate what they did to Jim Kirk, turning him into this womanizing self-centered bastard who has to be in charge.  I REALLY don’t appreciate the casual misogyny, what with the last of rank stripes for women and the gratuitous sex-ed up scenes and the way that Amanda Grayson gets fridged for man-pain and and and— you get the picture.

Or at least, that’s what they tried to do to jim kirk.  and god fucking bless chris pine for being able to make facial expressions, because i firmly believe if pretty much almost anyone else had played Jim Kirk as written by JJ Abrams, that’s exactly what he would have been.

But because of chris pine’s acting, instead, most of the AOS fandom and I realized/decided that this “womanizing” version of jim kirk actually really really hates himself so much, most likely for trauma reasons. 

we took that shit and ran with it and never really stopped.

zachary quinto is also like god tier casting.  unfortunately the writers for the first two movies mostly gave him Anger as a primary motivator, which like, is not exactly how I would interpret Spock at all, but quinto played this Angry Spock so so well.

ZOE SALDANA PLAYS THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE, NYOTA UHURA, PERFECTLY AND THAT’S ALL I’LL HEAR ON THE MATTER.

john cho should be cast in everything ever he’s amazing and I love seeing him.  this man has the range. hikaru sulu is the backbone of this fucking ship.  this man wins the big damn hero award every single movie. 

i still miss living in the same world as anton yelchin. i really, really do.

I also have found family feelings all over these movies, where these baby versions of iconic characters from the sixties are brought together too early to witness too much fucking trauma.  harry potter references aren’t exactly in vogue right now, but there’s this one piece from a—well, actually, its a harry potter reference in an mcu fic i read years ago, now that i think about it, but anyway:

it was something like, there are some things you can’t go through with a person—like that mountain troll in harry potter—without becoming friends for life.  there are some crucibles that will bind you together forever.  and awful as it is, I think Nero and the Vulcan genocide were the AOS crew’s mountain troll.  there’s no going back or separating, after that.

also I feel like there’s a ton of competence porn in this trilogy that i deeply, deeply enjoy.

star trek: 2009 and into darkness are both grimdark male power fantasy bullshit that only accidentally hits all the right buttons for me.  I love them dearly but i know EXACTLY what they are, thank you.

star trek: beyond is a delightful movie with no real plot where our favorite crew are finally Adults With A Modicum Of Common Sense And Stability, instead of Disaster Children Angsting All Over The Place, and they get to save the universe with the power of excellent rock music and friendship. how cool is that?!?  i wanna give simon pegg a high five for making this movie.

on a more meta note, what I find kind of satisfying about these movies is that—for all his many faults that i’m always happy to expound upon—JJ Abrams actually went for it.  He Did That.  He just made his own brand new timeline, killed jim kirk’s dad, then gave him an abusive uncle/step-dad, then literally destroyed one of the founding planets of the Federation, then he, in an iconic fashion, switched Jim and Spock’s places in the infamous “wrath of khan” death scene, so instead Spock gets to watch Jim die. 

and you know what? I can forgive a lot of bullshit for that kind of poetic angsty fanfic plot detail. 

every time uhura says, “an alternate reality,” in star trek 2009 just gives me chills.  every time she says it, you feel the weight of sixty years of history and legacy sitting on these people’s shoulders, the weight of arguably one of the most popular TV shows of all time.

imagine, living in a new world you’re aware isn’t the one that was supposed to be.  imagine that!

oh! and on the question of tarsus:

what I think is probably true irl: JJ Abrams has never thought that far ahead in his life.  correct me if i’m wrong, but hadn’t he.....not even watched star trek.........when he made these movies............like lol i’d bet you this man didn’t even really know Tarsus was a thing.  And even if he did, I don’t think he thought it was part of the new canon he was creating.  AOS is much more self-contained than the serialized universe the original star trek was, so I don’t think that AOS was intended to encompass all those things, like tarsus, that we as a fandom like to obsess over.

what I personally enjoy: i love me some AOS fic that explores the ridiculous amounts of trauma that comes from living through a genocide.  I think that, given we all decided AOS Jim Kirk hates himself, and engages in a shit ton of self-sabotaging and destructive behavior to cope, it’s a reasonable jump to think that at least some of that comes from some survivor’s guilt bullshit from Tarsus.  And honestly, hit me up if you want recs for this, because boy do I have them.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: no one does angst quite like AOS!Jim Kirk.

what I believe wholeheartedly: this is like Schrödinger's Plot Point, okay, it both exists and doesn’t exist simultaneously.  it’s easy to read tarsus into some of jim’s behavior, and it’s easy to read none of it in, and both of those choices are valid.  go with your gut, go with what makes you happy, go with what you think makes sense.  This is where fandom lives, in these little details that fall through the cracks.

anyway WOW did I talk a lot.  those are at least some of my star trek thoughts.  i do have others, but i’ve expounded on them before on this blog, and y’all don’t need me to repeat myself

ask me my thoughts on ______

[theyarebothgunshot]

ROSE I AM FREAKING OUT HAVE YOU SEEN THE PREQUEL STUFF???? WHAT IS GOING ON, my god... I was literally about to go to sleep, decided to check Tumblr one last time and see this.... what WHAT!! WHATTTT!!!!!! I don't even know if this is good bad or what but just JENSEN IS PRODUCING A SUPERNATURAL PREQUEL AND DEAN'S GONNA BE THE NARRATOR OR Sth LIKE???? -🐸

YEAH i am normal about this <3 (jk i am also freaking out) welcome to: people screaming to me in my inbox about prequelgate ft. j/2 fallout theory. let's goooo!

Another copypasta and suddenly chaos machine is full on gay I love this prophecy

you know whats funny i just checked the j/2 tag and i feel like for the first time in a long time they are starting to realise that maybe THEY should be the ones who are "gutted" *sips tea*

ROSE HOLY SHIT ROOOOOOOOSE ITS HAPPENING HOLY SHIIIIIT

YEAH

Nevermind just read prequel and well good luck I guess but just you know kind of bleh who wants to watch John Winchester well let’s have hope anyways

i know a lot of people are bummed out but i am kind of very excited actually?? i trust robbie and even though yeah j*hn winchester turned into a nasty abusive bastard, it can be interesting to explore how it all started (imo). it's just the first of many stories they can tell.

I can only accept this circus if it’s Dean telling the stories to his and Cas’ kids and then we have a revival to show that the whole finale was in fact the end Chuck wanted there Jensen I fixed it

i would not say no to this

heyloo bee anon here

um- wtf is happening?

jackles prequel series?? why? i want to be excited about this but sheesh im scared

because supernatural is never dead <3

okay, but, jensen... john winchester ≠ jdm, you don’t have to go /that/ hard for him 🙃

true true... though i am waiting for jdm to comment on this, please i need it

WAIT A SECOND J2 FALLOUT THEORY TRUE??

LMAO HELL YEAH BESTIE

Rose you really picked the worst time to sleep for real

bestie it was literally 4 in the morning, what do you expect from me sdfjsfhsf

I can’t literally can’t we were all right LMAO j2 fallout theory is real and cockles (Misha supporting Jensen) is [gunshots] I’m just laughing cause what the hell is this timeline we’re living LMAOOOOOOOOOO

we would always end up here <3

Do we have the copypaste anons to thank for JP basically confirming the J2 fallout? lol 🦚

yes, everybody say 'thanks annoying idiots!'

ROSE, WAKE UP, COME HERE,

THERE'S A LOT GOING ON FFS

YEAH I KNOW BUT I NEEDED SLEEP

Anticipating that there's going to be a lot of yelling about the prequel on here: I am cackling, but also, I mean, the first time Dean got a look into his parent's past, Cas was the catalyst: literally entered Dean's mind and catapulted him to the 70s. So idk, it's not completely unreasonable to expect some Cas cameos, maybe setting up a parallel timeline since Dean is narrating. What I'm saying is, this is Jackles, he's getting JDM and Misha in on this lmao -Honeymoon Anon

you were right lmfaooo also i fully agree. misha's tweet further cemented that thought for me. he knew about this prequel and i dont think he is cas-baiting us, i think he'll be involved. i'd also be obsessed to see jensen and jdm act together again (though idk who jdm could play seeing as it's a prequel and he is way too old to play young j*hn)

longlivethetribbles heeft gevraagd:

Heyyyyyy bestie, are you SEEING the absolute madness going on right now holy shit

well a little late but I SURE AM BESTIE

bestie wake up pls s16 finale just dropped.

- 🍯

and WHAT a great one it was

I love coming home from work to see all of the chaos unfolding on Tumblr and Twitter. I'm absolutely buzzing right now. I'll probably still be here by the time you wake up and check tumblr 😂 - 🐢

lmaooo and were you still awake?? did you see my freak out??

Oooh bestie wake the fuck up, I know you’re gonna be excited for this one jsnsjsj

god i had SUCH a morning like. it's 12:00 now and all i did since i woke up is check tumblr rip

short summary: jen and dee gain the rights, they post on ig/twitter about a prequel ft john and mary that no one asked for, the fandom loses its everloving shit as usual, they trend on twitter thanks to the beloved twt intern who missed us, misha qt’s jen about cas possibly benefiting from being in the prequel, then j*red qt’s jensen abt how his feelings got hurt by him not being told about a prequel his character as no involvement in & he initially throws a tantrum, and the rest is history - 🦋 anon (ps: i hope this helps a little, i’ve been scattered brained trying to keep up with it all night lmao so pls let me know if i missed anything, bug crew !!)

thank you so much darling i figured it out eventually but this is a helpful summary!!!

I hope you enjoyed waking up to all of this XD -🐢

i sure did!!! also that answers my question about you being awake lmao

I WILL NEVER EVER EVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR SLEEPING THROUGH ALL OF THIS DRAMA AND NOT EXPERIENCING IT IN PERSON I DIDN'T NEED THIS SLEEP - tea anon

well the party was still going strong this morning so im not TOO "gutted" see what i did there lmaooo

Now that you are caught up with the news... So idk if you remember this but...didn't jarpad tell jackles he was up for a reboot in an online panel? And jackles answered that this was news to him??

-🍯

yeah i think you are right but he was clearly joking and didnt expect jackles to actually be working on something already

J2 anon spare more of those anons let's finish this - tea anon

please, we're having a ball in this bitch

I saw a post on tumblr where someone said now that Kripke gave J&D the rights, maybe they’re starting with a prequel just to end on a reboot in years time and honestly ? I wanna believe that so badly. This is tinhatty but what if this is all calculated in a way that makes it so that Jensen is slowly starting to fix everything that was wrong with spn - now that he has the rights and he’s slowly making spn his own story ?! I mean he did say in his ig post he wants to ‘fill in the rest’ - and maybe Mary and John’s story is only the beginning of spn related content from J&D to come ??? Maybe he wants to give spn the justice it deserves ?? Thoughts ??

i dont think this is tinhatty at all i think this is very possible and not that much of a reach. i could see this happening yeah for sure

want to hear something funny. I found out I had a ruptured blood vessel in my eye because I was sending my friend a video freaking out when the prequel news dropped and I noticed the corner of my eye was red af. and when I got back online jared had tweeted.

DJFHSJD ANON THE CHAOS OF IT ALL, HELP, are you okay? <3

rose.. bestie... how are you feeling about The News? nsfshsf being european is a curse </3 🐞

i feel GREAT im living for it i feel on top of the world tbh (and yeah it really is dsjfhs)

What am I waking up to I can't WHAT I rested my eyes for like 5 minutes help *hits reblog button* - anon anon

yep yep essentially djfhs

“Jensen and Misha are Co workers who barley talk”

I can’t be sure of course but I’m fairly certain that this is the copypasta that brought the j/2 fallout theory back to life. Who’s apparently ‘barely talking’ now? skansjsjsj. It’s almost prophetic, these j/2 anons have superpowers I’m telling ya.

-poker face anon

next time we get one of them we should be thanking them lmaooo

ok, but are we gonna talk about the "When Daneel and I formed Chaos Machine Productions, we knew that the first story we wanted to tell was the story of John and Mary Winchester [...]"-quote because the way this is phrased implies they formed CHAOS MACHINE Productions with the intent of telling this story (first), i haven't been in this dumpster long enough but the name just tickles me in that Misha way, isn't it so sus??? am i missing something???? i mean with this announcement they SURE lived up to that name... 🧩-anon

you are absolutely right, chaos machine SCREAMS misha and we are all here for it!!

hey hey hey. joining the clownverse, there's no way THEE cas girl danneel doesn't know just how much the fandom loves misha and cas. so 2 + 2 = misha in the spn prequel!

AGREED

So I think I finally managed to catch up on wtf happened while I was asleep and my brain melted. What a shit show to wake up to.

Anyway thoughts.

I don't hate the idea of a Mary&John sequel. I think it has the potential to be good (It has the potential to be really bad too, so I'm kind scared).

🕯️🕯️🕯️ manifesting Mary being badass and John being kinda useless🕯️🕯️🕯️

As for the Jensen and J*red thing.

I can see Jensen not telling J*red even if they are still friends, because J*red is kinda good at accidentally telling Secrets. He could have told him right before he announced it so, so that J*red didn't have to find out from twitter. He was on the show for 15 years, he is bound to get asked about it. The public twitter meltdown was really unprofessional so. Like you have Jensen's number J*red. You could have sorted that out in private like a normal person, but instead you choose to act like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Is it weird that I'm actually going to be kinda that for them if the actually had a falling out, even tho I don't like J*red all that much. They seemed to be really important to each other and while I thought before that the might have triefted apart a bit, I didn't think that the where actively fighting.

- 🐌 anon

the thing is, the polite/normal thing for jensen to do was text him before announcing it on twitter. it's weird he didn't, and that makes me believe that maybe yeah they did have a falling out. especially with the way j*red responded to it on twitter. if he had no other reason to be this upset (no prior beef or falling out) you'd think that he wouldn't be responding like this. on the other hand, the man is a mysterie to me so who the hell knows. i'm not gonna mourn about it if they did/do grow apart because j*red is just.... awful imo.

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

Arrival Redo

OKAY SO

VARIANS INITAL ARRIVAL WAS STUPID

SO

THAT DIDNT HAPPEN

THIS HAPPENED INSTEAD

ANY QUESTIONS?NO?GOOD-

HERE

Im not tagging anyone okay-

just-

here

Yes I took inspiration from several fanfictions that I liked

please don't hate me

***

Varian looked down at the ground as he walked. Papers gathered in his arms, lost in thought. Rapunzel had tasked him with making the Dungeon more hospitable for prisoners, after he told her how terrible it was down there.

Being the Royal Engineer, he didn’t have the right to refuse, but he hated working on the project. He only needed to be down there for reference point, he wasn’t the one who would be carrying out the designs (thank god), but every second he was down there was like a weight pressing down on his chest. He constantly felt like he was stuck, like he wouldn’t be able to leave, and this place would be the last he would see. Not to mention the prisoners themselves. One in particular had been making the task nearly unbearable. He tried to ignore him, but the man knew exactly how to get under his skin...

He hadn’t told Rapunzel about his discomfort. It wasn’t up to him to decide which jobs he did and didn’t take on. And she’d been busy lately anyway, even though it’d been months since Zhan Tiri’s attack, they were still rebuilding. The pressure had only increased when her parents announced that they would be retiring soon, and Rapunzel would become queen.

Varian let out a breath, it’s okay, he could do this. He’d survived prison, attempted murder, all kinds of crazy magic, kidnapping, and a demon attack. He could survive this project. Besides, it wa-

Voices cut into his thoughts. Varian paused, looking to his left at a door that was slightly ajar. He weighed his options for a moment, before curiosity got the better of him. He moved to stand next to the door, leaning in to hear what the people inside were saying.

“-ust don’t know what to do, Nigel!” Varian recognized that voice as Rapunzel’s. She sounded frustrated.

“Your majesty, you already know my opinion on the matter.” Nigel’s nasally voice sounded from inside.

“I am not firing him! He’s the best person for the job and you know it! I-I just... he seems so stressed lately, and I don’t know how to help...”

“well, I’m not quite sure how to help with that, but, there is the matter of the letters.”

“We’ve already talked about the letters.”

“Princess, with all due respect, we can’t just ignore them.”

“Yes, we can! Just because a few citizens are upset that, doesn’t mean I’m going to change something that doesn’t need changing! And I want you to make sure that Varian doesn’t hear a single word about them!”

“Your highness, I-“

Varian had heard enough. He stepped into the room. “That I don’t hear a single word about what?”

Rapunzel looked up at her, eyes wide. She was unable to find words.

“The matters of the Princess are none of your concern.” Nigel said with undisguised dislike for the teen in front of him.

“They are if they involve me.” Varian said, crossing his arms.

“Varian I...” Rapunzel started “I-I can’t tell you, but trust me when I say that you’re better off not knowing.”

“Great, so now you’re keeping things from me. Rapunzel, what is this about? What are the letters?”

“I...” she looked away, biting her lip. “...Varian, please...”

“You’re still not going to tell me?! They’re about me, aren’t they?”

Rapunzel looked away, and Varian felt his face heat in anger. He clenched his fists. “Fine! Fine, you’re not going to tell me, that’s fine.”

He turned, moving to storm towards the door.

“Varian-“ Rapunzel tried

“I’ll be in my lab.” He snapped, before slamming the door behind him.

***

Varian sat at a table at his workbench, leaned back and staring at the ceiling, letting the anger wash over him. Yes, he was being unreasonable, but he was sick and tired of being treated like a child, having things be kept from him simply because whomever was in question felt like he couldn’t handle it. Having one of the only people in the world he genuinely trusted do it...

The raccoon curled up on his chest chittered next to him, pressing his furry head into Varian’s cheek in an attempt to comfort him. The fuming boy took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself, raising a gloved hand to scratch the ring-tailed bandit behind the ears. Ruddiger made a sound akin to purring in reply.

His lab was nice, to his tastes at least. It was messy, but it helped add to the personality. It’d been gifted to him along with the position of Royal Engineer.

Varian looked up at the sound of the door opening. He’d been expecting Rapunzel, and was surprised when he was met with Nigel instead. Ruddiger moved to curl around Varian’s shoulder’s protectively, narrowing his eyes at the man. The man looked around the cluttered room, distain and disgust easily visible on his face. There was a stack of paper clutched in his hand.

“What do you want?” Varian asked less than politely. He really wasn’t in the mood to bother with protocol.

Nigel moved his eyes to the teen in the chair with distaste. “You wanted to know what was in the letters, so here they are.”

He tossed the stack of papers the the ground next to Varian’s chair. Varian looked from the papers to him, puzzled.

“Wha-“

“If I’m being honest, I agree with every word they say. And, frankly I think a mutt you should follow their advice.” He turned, moving back towards the door. He paused at the doorway, looking back with his eyes narrowed and lips pulled back in a sneer. “By the way, you aren’t fooling anyone with your little drag show, young lady.”

He closed the door before Varian could spit a scathing comment. Ruddiger hissed at the closed door, tail swishing. Varian closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. This wasn’t the first time someone had purposely misgendered him. It shouldn’t effect him this much.

After a moment, he mulled over the first insult he’d used... “mutt” It left a foul taste in his mouth... dehumanizing. He guess it came from the fact that his parents had both been refugees, he wasn’t even Coronian... or, at least not in most people’s eyes. But he’d been born and raised here. To say that he was belonging to any other kingdom would feel wrong. It didn’t matter anyway. He took a deep breath and stood, walking over to the pile of paper.

Ruddiger’s ears flattened against his head, letting out an anxious trill. He pawed at Varian’s face, but Varian ignored him, looking down at the paper at the top of the stack.

“Princess Rapunzel,

As a Citizen, I have stood by all your decisions as Princess and temporary queen except for one. Your decision to pardon two of the kingdom’s most dangerous criminals is something I cannot possibly fathom. At least Cassandra has left the kingdom, but to keep the traitor Varian on staff? It’s honestly horrifying to me and several others. A dangerous criminal like him should be locked in prison or dead, kept away from yourself and your people, not gifted with a position so high in rank. I sincerely hope you take my words into account.

Wishing for the best,

A troubled citizen.”

Varian knew he should stop. He knew that nothing good could come from reading more, but he pressed on, flipping the page and reading the next.

“Varian,”

That was odd. It was addressed to him, why hadn’t he received it? Was the Princess Reading his mail?

“I don’t know what you’ve done to the royal family. Whether you’ve bewitched them or used some kind of mind game, I want you to know that you don’t have everyone fooled. If I were you, I’d turn yourself in or jump off Corona bridge before people discover your true intentions. Lord knows you deserve it after what you’ve done. We’re watching you.“

Varian pressed on. Some were signed, some weren’t (although very few had names attached), some addressed to himself, some to the Princess, a handful were even addressed to the king or queen. Some (he ones that Varian assumed were from old Corona), addressed him by his old name and called him a witch. But, despite the differing methods of explaining it, they all had the same idea; Varian was  a dangerous criminal and shouldn’t be working at the castle.

When he’d finally finished reading, he sat there, numb. He closed his eyes, swallowing. He understood now why the Princess hadn’t wanted to show him. Despite acknowledging the Princess’s reasoning behind her actions, he didn’t regret reading them. Now he knew how people perceived him, now he knew that he had to be more careful.

Shakily, the ravenette stood, raising Ruddiger from where he’d been curled around Varian’s shoulders and placing him on his work chair. The small mammal trilled in worry for his human, tail swishing behind him. Varian gave his friend a small smile. (it was fake, of course, but Varian had become very skilled at making them look convincing as of late)

“It’s okay, buddy, I’m alright. I just need a minute alone... I’m going to take a walk...”

The raccoon reluctantly curled into a ball, still looking up at his human with concern as he turned, grabbed the backpack he kept with himself at all times when going out, and walked towards the door

The castle was relatively quiet, most people who usually resides here were out enjoying the beautiful day. Light filtered through the stained glass windows built into the wall. Varian had never re-adjusted to the light level of the capital. It was nicknamed the kingdom of the sun for a reason, but after the crushing darkness of the dungeon beneath his feet, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to take the brightness for granted again.

As he stepped out into the courtyard, several guards waved at him. He nervously waved back, anxiety bubbling in his chest at the sight of the uniform they wore. Eugene had given it a name... what was it? Fear of authority? That sounded right... strangely enough, Eugene was the only person in uniform that he wasn’t scared of.

He made his way through the capital, people around him going about their business. Their reactions to him were diverse, some smiled and waved, some sent glares his way, some ignored him completely. Varian kept his eyes fixed on the ground, trying to make himself small.

Eventually, he made it outside the main city. He walked across the bridge, keeping one hand on the railing. He paused in the center, eyes lingering on where he’d stood only a few months ago, looking down at the water as his form shook, trying to force himself to move forward.

He shook himself out of the memory, he was in a better place now. Sure, he still had the occasional depressive episode or panic attack, but he had been doing great considering all that had happened to him.

He stepped off the bridge, pausing a moment to decide whether he should keep going along the path or walk through the forest. He decided that the latter would be more interesting and started walking slightly to the left.

Because of Varian’s tendency to spend hours or even days locked in his room and his fascination with technology, one could guess that he wasn’t a nature person. But, in reality, the opposite was true. Varian was quite fond of the outdoors and of nature itself. He’d always been better with animals than he was with people, and a walk through the forest had always been his second favorite way to calm himself down (the first being alchemy, but even the idea itself was tiring to him at the moment). He sighed, closing his eyes and letting the sounds and feelings of the forest wash over him.

He wasn’t upset. The people who wrote the letters were justified on their feelings. He’d attacked the kingdom, tried to kill its leaders, been sent to prison, escaped with a Saporian terrorist, and taken over the kingdom. Then, in what must have seemed like the blink of an eye to them, Rapunzel had returned, completely pardoned him for everything he’d done, and been rewarded with a position of high honor. No wonder they were suspicious of him.

No, he wasn’t upset that multiple of them had told him to kill himself, or that he should be back in the prison he now hated with every fiber of his being.

He definitely wasn’t.

As for Rapunzel, he wasn’t angry at her. He knew her. She could be scarily protective when she needed to be, and she saw it as her duty to keep Varian safe. Emotionally and physically. He had no right to be angry that she’d read his mail, kept something as big as this from him, and still hadn’t fired that good-for-nothing advisor.

Since his recovery, he’d learned to keep all negative emotions under lock and key. Especially anger, now that he knew how quickly it could spiral out of control. So he knew that that definitely wasn’t what he was feeling as he walked deeper and deeper into the thickening trees.

It was precisely thirteen seconds after the teen decided that he was under no circumstances angry at Corona, its people, or its Princess, that he found himself falling.

[epic-sorcerer]

Fuck

(Tw antiblackness)

Okay so when I was 11 my mom read this book to me about the 5 Chinese personality elements. Ever sense then I was fascinated by it and wanted to create OCs of my own to respresent them.

Bc my adhd can cause weird motivation and memory, I cared only with developing characters and story lines and slowly forgot the actual sorce material.

When I first started, I decided to focus more on story and not on character disign. Because mostly I took inspiration from vocaloid songs(you can tell this was a while ago) I decided to make them all Japanese so I could narrow their look way down compared to shapeless blobs in my mind.

Years past and I decided I didn’t like this anymore. I was ready to do the complete opposite and have a very diverse cast of characters. My strategy was to chose a culture in any where in the world, at any time, that most prioritized and valued what each element had to give and generally imbodied. Especially bc I wanted each character to be the most extreme form of their elements and often invisioned each character to be a political representative for each colony of element.

I good way to put this in perspective is to imagine I was making a communism OC so I made them Chinese or USA American. Basically that would chosenthose cultures bc it is something it generally is really extreme about and is known for.

My first real character disign was fire. I made her a Scottish pict, as I could give her red hair and have her be her full passionate and chaotic self.

All the other ones are up in the air. But I realized that it would be really cool to make tree be an African person with a 4c type Afro and a long and skinny body type. That’s the most tree like I could have made someone! I was so happy and got really attached to my black tree character. I new that Africa was huge and old, and that’s not even counting the West Indies. Of course I could find a culture that was tree-like. All I needed to do was look.

All of this screeched to a hault today. I decided to look up the tree personality after years and years and was met with something heart breaking.

Aggressive, angry, reckless, arrogant, etc. this reminds me of the angry black stariotype mixed with the newer unreasonable blm protester one.

I’m unsure if I’m being too paranoid or if I’m being reasonable when I say that I’m not sure if I can make tree black. Even though the negitive descriptions are for when tree is unbalanced, it still doesn’t make it okay imo.

From a writers perspective, it makes snese to start characters at when they are unbalanced, because then it’s an easy wrote to character development. Even if I don’t do this, I have no choise but to make this character aggressive sometimes if I truly want to stay true to Tree.

For perpective here’s the other elements’ triats from Wikipedia

Fire also is aggressive. And also waters positive and negative traits are opposites. Earth is a mix of all elements so im imagining earth may also be aggressive when unbalanced. Do you think I can make this work or should I change tree’s race?

Fire is a white Celtic. And I’m unsure what culture I want earth to belong to. I’m thinking of making water be a Samoan(not sure what time period), metal is still Japanese for now but I am unsure if that still fits my change in casting intentions so that’s probably going to change. Basically what I’m saying is that I’m only really going to have one white character, bc I want the cultures to be spread out throughout the map.

I know black people are often forced to constantly be on their toes in turns of wether or not something is anti black and if they are unsafe in that environment. I’m not black, but I belong to multiple minority groups and I understand that feeling to a terrifying degree. The last thing I would want is to make a choise that resembles anti black caricatures and put black poeple in the position of wondering if I dislike them or if they are unsafe around me.

I understand that feeling, and I don’t want to put poeple throguh taht. I still want to have a super inclusive cast, but I’m also aware that I have to be very careful as a white writer. Even though my intentions were good, I accidentally associated a black character with aggressiveness and that’s extremely hurtful. I’m also aware that if I represent a black character well, it can be uplifting to a black audience that I took so much care to learn about an African culture and put it in a positive light.

I remember when I was a baby gay and I came across this channel run by a cishet who dedicated a large protion of his videos to calling out lgbt phobia and premoting the idea that we deserve to have rights and to feel safe and happy as who we are. I was in awe a cishet would do taht for us and felt personally touched. I want to be able to do something that other people feel that same way about, because it’s truly a beutiful thing.

So...where do I go from here? Do I change trees race to a different one? Please be honest. I know I say I have rejection sensitivity dysphoria, but that dosnt mean you can’t criticize me. It only means taht you have to be careful and not angry. I truly want to make this story the best it can be, and I want to know if I’m doing the right thing if I change tree’s race to something else. 

I want all people to feel safe while experiencing my work(idk if it will be a book or what, it’s very early in development).

I have no intention on making tree a villain, instead a good character who is the sweetest person you can meet. I feel like I would make fire much more angry and aggressive bc of the Scottish pict emphasis on war and and never backing down, to make my intentions clear.

But even then, that doesn’t change that tree is so connected to anger. And I’m not sure how I can work with that so if doesn’t seam like an anti black stariotype

Anger, anger, anger. I don’t knwo what to do. Please help, preferably black users because yall definitely know heaps more about this than me as a white person.

Please knwo that I mean well, and I’m never intended to make my tree character black if I remembered how heavily it’s associated with anger. All I remembered was the optimism and happiness, as I am sensitive to negativity and my brain probably forgot about the dark side of tree on purpose when I was 11 and didn’t even think of making tree black. I’m so disappointed in myself and I promise you I can do better. I just need some guidance. I’m sorry to anyone I may have let down. I hope I can grow form this and make this story the best it can be.

Edit: I think it’s also nessissary to note that the positive triats are for when the person is in balance or in a good head space, the negative ones for the opposite. That’s why the negative and positive triats seam like opposites, bc that’s what they are. Idk if I made that clear so I’m adding it now!

[princeoftennis-imagines]

May I request jealous yukimura, Kirihara, And Yanagi? Thank you!!!

jealous kirihara is cute... please enjoy!! 💓

(this was in my drafts for a while, so i’ll post it now!)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Yukimura:

Yukimura wasn’t the jealous type at all. He usually kept his cool, and trusted you not to do anything unusual, but that didn’t mean he trusted everyone else. So when he noticed the new tennis member getting a little too comfortable with you, he began to feel things he’s never wanted to feel before. His patience thinned out more and more when he realized that the new guy was getting a little too close for his liking.

Yukimura caught sight of the guy confidently talking about his s/o with his friend during practice, announcing somehow that he would win your heart in no time. The regulars of the team moved away in fear of the boys life as the rikkai buchou radiated with a dark aura. He walked over to them with his arms crossed and a cold smile on his face. They both turned around to see their not-so-happy looking captain piercing them with his eyes.

“You know, it’s not very polite to be talking about someone’s other half right in front of them,” Yukimura coldly stated, smiling as his eyes darkened. “after all, it makes me very upset to hear that someone has the intention to steal them away..” They took a step back, feeling intimidated by his aura. How can a man be so beautiful and scary at the same time? “..and we wouldn’t me to be upset, right?”

Frozen in terror, they both nodded vigorously, fear overtaking their hearts. Yukimura clapped his hands joyfully, a smile now present on his face. “Good! I’m glad we’re on the same page,” he turned back to go walk away but looked over his shoulder, his words not as innoncent as they seemed, “now let’s get back to training, shall we?”

Kirihara:

Kirihara was flaring with jealousy. He couldn’t believe that someone had the nerve to even flirt with his s/o while he was there right next to you! To make things worse, you were completely oblivious to it all, and it frustrated him more than ever. He glared at the person who continued to openly hit on you without shame. God, his face was so punchable, Kirihara wished he could just strangle his neck until he stopped -

“Akaya-kun, he said this would look really cute on me! What do you think?” You nearly shoved the shirt in his face, too distracted to notice his angered expression. He huffed, annoyed as he looked the other direction. “It’s okay.” He didn’t mean for it to come out so harsh, but he couldn’t help it. You tilted your head innocently, noticing his answers were a bit off. “Are you okay?” Kirihara looked at the guy in jealousy and his voice spat with exasperation. “I’m fine. Why don’t you pay attention to him?“ You realized what was happening as his expression changed quickly, “that’s what you’ve been doing anyway..”

“Someone’s a little grumpy.” The guy said in an almost mocking tone. You saw how Kirihara eyes began to darken as his fists shook in anger. He was definitely gonna kill this guy. “Ah- please excuse us.” You said nervously, pulling your boyfriend away. Kirihara only mouthed a threat to him before you both completely disappeared. As soon as you made it to your destination, you held both his hands.

“Were you jealous, Akaya-kun?” He stayed quiet for a few moments but finally gave in the moment you sent him puppy eyes. He threw his arms in the air as he whined loudly. “I can’t help it when he says things like that to you! You’re mine, I don’t like when other guys flirt with you!” You chuckled softly and wrapped your arms around his torso, looking up at him. “I only love you and only you, so you don’t have to worry.” He sighed softly as he returned the hug, nuzzling his face into your hair. “I love you too..”

Yanagi:

Yanagi gritted his teeth softly as you sent him another displeasing text.

“Going to my study session with my seatmate! Good luck with your practice today! I’ll be rooting for you! (^｡^)”

He usually would be okay with situations such as these, but couldn’t ignore the jealousy raging inside him as you began spending more time with this so called “seatmate”. Yanagi wanted to confront you about it personally to be mature, but he couldn’t quite catch you at the right time. And even if he did, he always felt this feeling of silliness every time he tried to bring it up. Of course, sooner or later he was gonna have to confess to you his true feelings or he would feel the guilt eating him up inside.

At the end of his practice, you two both met up at the entrance and began walking home. You felt a little tense during the whole stroll. You knew Yanagi was usually quiet, but he was strangely quiet, often giving short or rushed answers. Deciding to shrug it off, you began to talk about your day, wanting to break the silence. “Yeah, and he taught me a certain way for solving math problems, it really helped me.” He looked down at you, continuing to walk. “Im capable of teaching you too, and there would be a 99% chance you could’ve comprehended it better,” now looking forward to the path ahead of you, he muttered the next sentence a little too quietly, “I am your boyfriend after all..”

Your eyes widened at the sudden comment, realizing the envy in his tone. You couldn’t believe your ears and wondered if you were dreaming. “Renji, are you jealous?” He was quiet for a few moments before stopping in his tracks. He didn’t look at you, but admitted it openly. “Perhaps.” You only walked up in front him and placed a hand on his arm. “Why?”

“There was a 95% chance he cherished feelings for you based on the way he behaved. Seeing my data made me overthink everything,” he let out a small breath, “maybe I was being unreasonable, I apologize.” You shook your head and moved your hand up to his shoulder. “I could’ve just stopped hanging out with him if it made you uncomfortable. You know you can tell me anything,” He felt the tenseness of his shoulders go away, and sent you a gentle smile, “besides, I love you only, and it was my mistake. I should’ve asked to to tutor me.” He put a hand on your head, his smile a bit bigger as he spoke. “No need to apologize, I should’ve told you sooner. Thank you for understanding.” You only returned the smile, and took his hand in yours as you both continued to walk home.

[battleshell]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm. tagged by: @dansiere whom im care tagging: extremely informative meme for ppl who have lots of cross-over interactions, i encourage u to steal it from me anyway BUT @sternenteile​ @twelvians​ @stellamris​ @grandtales​

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. [ he is a very, very minor NPC that i’ve essentially wrested from the game with my grubby hands; Gerson is a merchant NPC found in Waterfall, the third area of the game focused with water themes. he has less than 100 lines of dialogue (but jam-packed full of info) and doesn’t even have an overworld sprite. although noted to have a history with multiple major characters, it’s not often i’ve seen him be the main focus of any fanfics or art pieces. ]

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. [ put that faaaaaaaar away from me please tyty ]

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. [ i personally believe that Gerson is a strong and potentially powerful monster with fighting capability that could rival some of the stronger Monsters in the Underground due to his background as a fighter during the Human-Monster War, but since has waned in both reputation and fighting skill. we never fight him in game and as such, will never see how he compares numerically, but it’s clear from his dialogue that he knows how to fight professionally/cleverly and would have given a hard challenge. ]

Are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK. [ i mentioned before that Gerson has ties with lots of major characters - I hardly see it being put into action or talked about! i also have a soft spot for elder/older characters in general since they seem to be overlooked in favor for younger characters that carry the action of plots - which I understand and totally get, but I still like to put these characters out there for the sake of it ]

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. [ he was a funny merchant dude that said “wahaha” a whole bunch of times and carried a magnifying glass; sure he and Frisk would have been good friends after the golden ending but most people have forgotten about their interaction with Gerson once out of Waterfall ]

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO. [ as one of the older if not oldest Monsters in the Underground, or from his reputation as the “Hammer of Justice” from wartime. he is also a historian and is noted to have written a few of the books in the Librarby. definitely known in the Underground, but probably only in that community ]

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. [ as mentioned before, a benefactor to the community and maybe even a sagely figure. a source of wisdom (even if cheeky) and a person of stability ]

How strictly do you follow canon?  — ehhhhhhhhhh both extremely canon compliant and then hands off the wheel, let jesus drive me away~ i only have so much canon material to work with so i have milked as much as offered to me, then went off to forge my own path in order to patch up the missing holes then add a few sprinkles. the base of the character is all there, but if you really want to get invested with him (or me) then we have a lot to walk through.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  old tortoise (NOT TURTLE) guy sells knick-knacks and cracks jokes, knows everyone’s dirty secrets but thinks they’re just funny to think about them than use them. an elder in the community who has stories to tell and lessons to teach, who has lived through half of recorded history and now spends his time just trying to make things around him interesting. a war veteran who protects his community and understands the horror of the world, but keeps eyes looking into the future even in the face of grimness itself. plays the accordion and harmonica, could probably square dance if he knew what that was. will call you kiddo.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  little to no motivation to find a passion for himself that would benefit or service just himself; his entire sense of worth comes from servicing others in some way (being a soldier and protecting people; recording history in order to teach future generations; maintaining a shop in order to literally service others) and lack of action due to decrepitude in old age. close-minded compared to other Monsters, as he doesn’t actually take to think of humans or outsiders kindly; judgmental to the point of being racist. proud and dislikes being one-upped that it could lead to pettiness, and despite his positive outlooks, very pessimistic worldview.

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  funfact: Gerson is my first tumblr RP muse ever, and since i was worried about duplicate anxiety when i first started i specifically wrote him since he was a smaller character with less attention - i’ve since learned i have no anxiety about it so it’s no longer a problem, but what keeps me going today is the challenge of writing someone so different from me. the elder aesthetic along with homely, almost cottagecore kind of vibe is also appealing, and the humor that comes with gerson is a joy to write out.

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  reading literature, music, artwork, pinterest, replaying the game, and doing little hobbies that would embody the character (collecting or sewing, for example) are things i can do by myself, but with other people i have the most drive when i can have friendly and nonpersonal arguments/debates about character motives or about source material like what made a character act like this or that, or about really anything as long as it makes me seriously think about characters critically and force me to recognize flaws.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO? [ unfortunately i’m not a tortoise monster who lived for probably centuries if not decades older than myself, but i enjoy writing older characters and hope that other ppl see the potential gerson has like i do ]

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO / SORT OF? [ you know when you have a concept and in your own mind you can see it clearly, without fuzziness or confusion, but you can’t seem to put it clearly into words without it turning into an essay because you need to connect all the other points that’s in the single concept you envisioned? yea. ]

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO [ bro i should.. ]

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO [ hmu if you got pinterest and i’ll give u tons and tons of boards ]

Are you confident in your portrayal?  YES / NO / SORT OF? [ this is unfair to answer as (AFAIK) i am the only person writing Gerson in... any capacity. despite that i like to think i bring out the humorous side of him, and show ppl that he and other NPCs are tons of potentials and shouldn’t be overlooked because they aren’t popular ]

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO. [ i always believed my style and my skill in not only PSDs or aesthetics, but analysis or understanding was always a bit plain, without much flourish or complexity. while that is appealing on its own and has its own merits, i can’t help but feel i can always push myself to do a little more, add a little flavor, or paint an image that could only be done in writing. although i am doing enough to get the job done, i’m searching for a certain voice of writing that i like and want to integrate into creative writing in order to make it more personalized and more engaging. ]

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. / SORTA. [ i despise pussyfooting and will often tell ppl straight up if i have a problem with them or something about them; straightforwardness, honesty, and integrity are some of my core values and that includes being harsh if it comes to it in order to keep order ]

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  assuming it’s rooted in goodwill or from a point of analysis, absolutely! it’s one of the direct sources for growth and getting better at any craft, but as Tumblr loves to be.... jumpy, i’m always cautious when its not from someone i know.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  YEA BUDDYYYYY

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  absolutely, i thrive off friendly discourse as i mentioned.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  if we don’t discuss it as above, in lit any other case i’d say “well there are other blogs to follow” but since i’m like 99% sure i’m the only gerson blog that isn’t applicable lmao; the point still stands that everyone has the freedom to write a character as they wish. there are valid reasons to dislike a portayal but not a lot of valid reasons to attack someone for it - with the exception of ppl being gross. stop that, nasty.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  strangely. it’s not my job to make people like a character, you either like them or not. if you dislike them for unreasonable points then, to leave in the previous response, “clowns will be clowns, no matter what you do. I just don’t get why you would follow someone if you hate their character to begin with.”

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  of course, as long as it’s polite and all that jazz!

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  depends on the meaning - i like making new friends and i find it easy to talk to new people, be it about roleplay or other things like organizing video game play sessions. however, i also have on multiple occasions have approached ppl privately saying “this is annoying/this is problematic/this is inappropriate, stop” and been met with general disdain for voicing such so Who Knows..... (tm). at least on a private level. here, publicly, i’m pretty relaxed! memes and jokes are abound. as long as a person can be mature and responsible for their actions we can vibe, yo.

[seouledbysisi]

Moonlit

Chapter 19

Junwon pulled up to the studio. Chaeyoung didn’t get out. She just sat in the backseat. Waiting.

Junwon put the car in park and turned to look at her. “What’s wrong, Chae?”

She shook her head.

“Something is clearly wrong. What’s up with y’all?” Junwon probed.

Chaeyoung sighed and placed her hands in her jacket pocket. “I think we may be breaking up.” She told him quietly.

“No you’re not.” Woojae interrupted. “Just because you’re having a problem doesn’t mean that you’re gonna break up. Relationships have problems, look at me and Saph. It took ya forever to figure this thing out!” He chuckled.

“Yeah, but now that y’all are together you’re like the perfect example of love!” She expressed.

Woojae chuckled unamused. “Yeah not perfect at all.” He thought about Bloo whispering something in her ear. He wondered what he had said and he knew he shouldn’t be jealous because after all she had chosen him but at what cost? Was she still having some sort of connection to him? He shook his thoughts away.

“If you’re worried about Bloo, don’t be! I knew she’d pick you the whole time.” She opened the car door and started to step out.

“Hey, Chae?” Junwon started. “Remember, communication is key. Hear each other out. Everything will be alright.”

“Pray for me. I think I’m gonna need it. I haven’t been exactly the world greatest girlfriend lately.” She admitted.

Junwon nodded and shooed her away.

Chaeyoung stopped outside of the studio and listened to Noah rap. The words hit home. . .hard. I know you need your time but I feel so alone. Thought I’d be the place you’d always call home.

She squeezed her eyes shut. God, I pray this isn’t about me. She thought. She knocked on the door and waited for an answer. When she heard the music cut off she knew he was heading to the door.

Noah swung the door open. His breath hitched in his throat. “What?” He asked plainly.

“Can we talk?”

“So now you want to talk to me?” He asked as he rubbed the facial hair growing in on his chin.

Chae reached for his hand but he moved away. “You’ve has all the time in the world to talk to me and you didn’t use it so why now?”

“Because I-“ she paused. She wasn’t good in expressing her feelings. She felt awkward and the fact that it felt like the ice they were standing on was about to break didn’t help.

“Because what, Chaeyoung?”

“I miss you.” She whispered.

Noah looked into the hallway and seen one of their producers coming. He pulled her in. “Talk.”

She sat in one of the chair and covered her face. “How did we get here?”

He wet his lips in thought. “You know how, you just don’t want to admit that you’re the reason. I shouldn’t have to spell it out for you over and over!” He groaned in frustration.

“You’re being unreasonable though. I finally have friends now and you want to take that away! How is that fair? Can I not have people in my circle outside of you?”

Noah moved closer to her. “You think I don’t want you to have friends? You think I want you to be alone?”

She shrugged. “That’s what it feels like.”

He pointed his finger at her. “I don’t even know who are anymore because my girlfriend would never think that low of me!” He walked to the opposite side of the studio. He needed to get away from her. His feelings were hurt even more at this point and he couldn’t see a way out of this quarrel.

“Well explain to me what the problem is! Please.”

“Your roommate was a really good friend to you. She never asked you for anything, even when she knew that you were dating me. These new girls that you’ve ditched your roommate for are terrible. They don’t see you, Chae! They see all the connections you have. They see me and my team. They see Sapphire and Riley! They see the perks you bring and quite frankly I think you deserve better! So excuse me for caring too much about your ass.”

“You can’t shield me from mistakes though, Noah. They’re mine to make. If these friends are a mistake I’ve got to learn on my own! You can’t be my protector all the time!”

Noah nodded. “I’m built to be a protector. I’ve always been that for the people I’m close to and love. So if you can’t stand that about me then I don’t know what to tell you. Walk away if you need to.”

Her head snapped up at his last sentence. “I’m not walking away from you! I just need you to understand me. I just want us to be okay. I miss us.”

“I miss us too, but we’d be fine if you hadn’t have changed up on me! On everyone! You barely have time for anyone nowadays because you’re stuck so far up those girls asses. I lied for you when Riley thought I was taking up all of your time! I barely see you too but I didn’t want Riley to be mad at you. How would she feel to know all of this? None of us know who you’ve become but I just want Chaeyoung back.” A tear escaped his eye. He hurriedly wipes it away.

“You have me! I’m right here!” She pleaded to him as she moved closer to him.

He held his arms out to keep her at a distance. “No you’re some other version of her and until she comes back this conversation is over.” He walked to the door and held it open.

Chaeyoung nodded silently. “So this is it?” She spoke just above a whisper.

Noah shook his head. He couldn’t bare to see her face. The tears that were there would draw him back in. He wanted them to work so bad but he needed the girl that he fell for back because the new her wasn’t working.

“Noah, say something!” She yelled a bit.

He grabbed her face. “Come back to me, please.” He told her and kissed her forehead. “I gotta finish this song so I’ll see you. . .whenever.”

Suddenly it hit her. That kiss to her forehead felt like the last one they may ever share and it was her fault. She was so involved with being inside of the in-crowd that she had forgotten about everything that should have meant most to her. She just didn’t know how to make any of this right. She liked finally not being on the outside looking in.

She walked away from the door that he had shut. She just hoped that he hadn’t shut the door completely on them being together. He was the first guy that she had ever loved and even though it was only her first relationship she didn’t want it to end. He was everything to her, and sure first love never really lasted but she sure as hell wanted hers to.

The next day

Woojae politely let himself into Sapphire and Riley’s apartment. He did have a key after all, for emergency purposes, and if they were sleeping he didn’t want to awaken them. He had bought Sapphire roses and candy. The house was so quiet. All he could hear was faint noises of television coming from their rooms.

He opened Sapphire’s door and quietly shut it behind him. He placed the flowers and candy on her nightstand. He climbed into the bed behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

She stirred a bit in her sleep. She inhaled. “Woojae?” She spoke groggily.

He cleared his throat. “How’d you know it was me?”

“I can tell your scent anywhere.” She opened her eyes a little and noticed the bouquet of flowers. “Is it Valentine’s Day?” She turned over with a smile.

He chuckled. “No, I just thought you deserved them.”

She rubbed his face. “Time for a shave?” She laughed.

“Is it bad?” He touched his face.

She shook her head. “No, I like a little scruff sometimes.” She stared at him for a moment. “Why didn’t y’all back to the club last night?”

Woojae shrugged.

“You can talk to me, ya know?”

He rolled his eyes. “It’s nothing. We just didn’t make it back.”

“Is it because Bloo had his release party there?”

“I mean I know we have to separate business from pleasure, I get it. But you didn’t even give me a heads up, Saph. I walked into him saying how much you inspired his whole album and the songs he was singing sounded like he’s in love. I shouldn’t even care and I wish I didn’t but I do.”

Sapphire inhaled and exhaled loudly. “I didn’t know that he was going to say all of that. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that he would be there. Honestly I didn’t think you and Junwon were going to be back until today sometime. I should’ve told you.”

He nodded. “I just couldn’t handle it and then he whispered in your ear and it really pissed me off! I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay with you and Bloo being close still.”

“And you don’t have to be okay with it. Im always going to be respectful of our relationship, but Bloo is my friend and I can’t shut him out completely. If it had’ve been the other way around I wouldn’t have shut you out either.”

“I know. It just makes me second guess myself.” He admitted.

Sapphire straddled his hips. “You shouldn’t. You’re all the man I need!” She smiled above him like a school girl and leaned down and kissed his lips.

He pulled her off of him and laid her back on her side. “Don’t start anything that you’re not going to finish.” He pecked her lips and shut his eyes in thought.

“Who said I wasn’t going to finish it?” She let her fingertips scale up his side ever so lightly.

His eyes popped open. “I- we’ve never-“

She raised an eyebrow. “First time for everything.”

This time he rolled her onto her back and climbed between her legs. “Are you sure? I don’t want to pressure you.”

She nodded. “I’m sure. I know you love me and I’m ready.”

Nori poked at Junwon’s back. He was sleeping really good. She figured he was tired from traveling so much recently.

He groaned. “If you’re waking me up this early it better be a good reason for it.”

“I’ll make it worth your while but first I need to know what happened last night!”

“I dropped Chaeyoung off at the studio. Grabbed some food from McDonald’s and then Woojae went home and I came here.” He shut his eyes back trying to drift back into la la land.

Riley sighed. “So what happened with Noah and my sister?”

Junwon shrugged. “I didn’t stick around to find all of that out. She thinks their going to break up though.”

“That’ll kill her if they do. She loves that boy.”

“If it makes you feel better, he loves her too and it’s already killing him.”

Riley thought for a moment. “Maybe I can do something to fix things for them!”

“Ah no! Your sister isn’t a baby anymore. This is her relationship so you have to let it run it’s course. She’ll never learn if you’re always saving things for her.”

“I just hate to see them like this. I want everyone to be happy, like me.” She kissed his cheek.

Junwon pulled her on top of him. “Wanna be happier?” He asked as he squeezed her booty.

She kissed his neck. “Can I leave my mark?”

Junwon rolled his eyes. “Sure, I don’t have an appearance until next week, it should be gone by then.”

“And if not there’s a thing called makeup.” She nipped more at his neck.

[peterjakes]

My Mad Fat Diary Fanfic - The Two Months - Chapter 2

Chapter 2 - Two Old Friends

Writing this chapter made me realise how much easier it was to write a Chop x Archie piece lol. I still enjoyed writing this chapter but not so sure about it - let me know!

Also published on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20154688/chapters/47748709#workskin

Finn and Archie had been friends for a very long time. Yeah, Finn considered him his best mate. He loved the lad and would do anything for him. The two saw each other down the chippy and Archie wasn’t looking himself. Finn thought it odd, considering everything was sorted now. He suggested going for a chat. He and Archie weren’t the best at letting people know how they feel but that was something Archie said he wanted to change. Finn wasn’t so sure. He liked being a little closed off, a little secretive, even though this meant he seemed like a right grumpy sod to outsiders. This didn’t matter though, as long as the gang and Rae understood him. They were the only real ones that did, and he was thankful for that.

Everything that had happened recently, it taught him that everyone had stuff and sometimes they didn’t want to talk about it. But sometimes that’s actually what you need the most. The chats Finn has had with Rae since everything, they’ve been open, and they’ve become closer because of it. It was weird, Finn and Rae seemed to work just as well when they weren’t together. That’s what was so good about their relationship. They were best mates. Like him and Arch. With a slight difference of course.

Finn finished football practice - one of the only things he enjoyed now that he left college and moved out. During that period, it became harder to see everyone and he missed it. Last summer, the summer of ‘96… that was the best time of his life and he wanted to get that back. He didn’t have enough time to head back to his flat to change, Archie was probably already on his way. Archie had a tendency to be stupidly early. Finn packed his kit away and took a quick shower.

Walking past the pitch, he noticed the weather changing. It wasn’t cold anymore, the sun seemed to want to come out and be enjoyed by everyone but there was something holding it back. Finn walked past a young family on the seesaw and headed for the swings. This was his most used spot in the park. It’s where he and Archie had spent so many hours talking over the years. It’s where he and Rae had that chat. It’s where he’d taken himself to be alone and just think. He plonked down on the left swing, pulling out a cigarette and lighter from his denim jacket. He felt like he hadn’t had a proper smoke in ages, something he desperately needed. He pulled a drag and watch the smoke float away. Once it disappeared, there came walking Archie.

Archie was struggling, really struggling. It was strange, he didn’t think everything would be all fine and dandy, he didn’t think it would go back to normal. What even was normal? That definitely wasn’t Archie. It’s not like he was alone, everyone had their own shit to deal with. But everyone else seemed to be able to deal with it – or at least they could just hide it. Archie had kept his secret for so long, and at first the relief he felt was immense. But recently, it was as if he was still keeping something from everyone. And it was eating away at him, which was something he didn’t think he’d be able to cope with for much longer.

Finn was someone Archie wanted to confine in, but neither of the two boys could bring themselves to do it. That awful toxic masculinity. But there was this kind of unspoken agreement between the two, which was especially evident after Archie came out, that even if they didn’t say how they felt, they would back each other. Being friends for 12 years meant something, even if they didn’t tell each other that. Finn agreeing to meeting for a chat was music to Archie’s ears, neither were much talkers but Archie needed this – otherwise he felt like he’d explode.

Archie found Finn on the swings, he brushed down the swing before sitting down on it and turned to Finn, giving him a weak smile.

“Cheers for meeting, I…I really appreciate it, Finn.”

Finn could see Archie wasn’t right, no not that he wasn’t right, but it was obvious something was going on. Finn knew what it was like, not saying anything, not letting on, when in reality he was struggling to keep it together. That only happened a few times, one being when he and Rae first split. That was fucking hard. But like everyone else, he dealt with it. Wasn’t easy, but he kept going. That’s just what everyone had to do.

“It’s ‘lright, bud.” He offered Archie a cigarette, even though he knew Archie didn’t smoke, not seriously anyway. As expected, his friend waved it away, and started to fiddle with his specs. One of the many things he knew Archie did when he was nervous. For the first time, Finn felt an awkwardness between them. After 12 years of friendship, 12 years of playing football, mucking about down the rec, going down the pub. This feeling, it wasn’t nice. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted Archie to be happy, he was his best mate and only wanted the best for him. He got that things were going to be tough for a while, it wasn’t going to be all smiles and roses. Life wasn’t like that all the time. Everyone had stuff they had to fight to deal with. But Finn didn’t like seeing any of the gang like this, especially Archie.

“You seen Chopper? He’s being a right melt at the minute, honestly don’t know how to handle ‘im. Kept going on ‘bout how we all need to see each other. Works both ways though, donit.” He offered the boy beside him a reassuring smile and lit his second cigarette of the day. He knew he had to swerve the conversation to the real reason they were meeting. “Arch, I know something’s up, I can always tell ‘ya know.”

Archie hadn’t expected Finn to linger too much on filler conversation, wasn’t a great talent of his but he didn’t blame him. He liked that about Finn. There was never any bullshit with him. Archie knew Finn only offered him a cigarette to be polite, he really only smoked to fit in. It was stupid, really. Yeah, Finn looked cool doing it, but Archie could never really pull it off. He’d stick to playing football and reading. There wasn’t going to be anymore fakery from Archie, he knew he couldn’t do it much longer.

Archie laughed at the thought of Chop.

“That’s Chop, for ‘ya. Always thinking up something.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve been… Just been thinking about everything, ‘ya know? It’s just been a lot. I dunno, I’m being stupid really.” Archie laughed it off, it wasn’t as if anything serious was actually going on. But something did feel right, like there was a sort of disturbance in his life. It wasn’t how people were reacting to him, anyone who was originally bothered by him had kept their distance and everyone else, well, they had been brilliant. Better than he had ever thought they could be. College was much easier now; the gang was back together, and he could actually enjoy himself. Durham was in his sights. He didn’t like to brag, but it was likely he’d get in. His parents would be proud. He’d have the time of his life. But none of that seemed to matter, not in the last few days. Talking to Chop hadn’t helped, it distracted him for a few hours sure, but walking home he had time to think and he didn’t fancy that. He knew he’d had to stand up to his thoughts and feelings at some point.

Finn hated seeing anyone down, especially Archie. Only recently had everything seemed so hard. Finn also hated it when Archie just brushed off his problems, Finn wasn’t an idiot – he could tell when something was wrong, really wrong. And this seemed to be one of those times, but he didn’t want to force Archie. On the other hand, would have Archie agreed to meet up if he didn’t want to talk about it? Finn was never one for talking about things that didn’t matter. He didn’t say a lot. But when he did, he meant it.

“Arch, you can talk to meh, ya know. It’s ‘lright. Has summat happened? Whatever ‘ya thinking, s’not stupid. I promise.

Of course Finn was being ridiculously understanding. That’s what Finn did. That’s who Finn was. Archie couldn’t think of one time that Finn was unreasonable or when he’d judge you for your thoughts or actions. Finn just wasn’t the type.

“Nah, nothin’. Not really. It’s just me, isn’t it? Nothing’s ever easy is, it? It’s like Churchill said, ‘If you’re going through hell, keep going’, right. But how can you keep going when your body doesn’t want to?” Archie shook his head; he knew he wasn’t making any sense. All of his thoughts kept going around and around in his head, as if on a hamster wheel, but the minute he tried to articulate them they all seemed to disappear. This time, he wanted to tell Finn how he’d been feeling, he knew he would understand and try to help. But the words just didn’t want to form, not in the right way anyway. Archie rubbed under his nose, trying to figure out what to say. He didn’t exactly know what the problem was, or at least he hadn’t allowed himself to think about it properly to realise. He never wanted to burden Finn with his troubles, but he couldn’t do that without explaining properly what was wrong. He released himself from the right swing, feeling the cold wind on his fingertips and turned towards his Finn, who was looking slightly bemused.

“I know I’m not making sense. I’m… I’m just wasting your time, mate.”

No, Archie wasn’t making much sense in what he was saying but Finn could tell. He could always tell. There was something really bugging his friend beside him, something that Finn soon realised wasn’t just going to go away.

“Archie, just listen to meh for a minute, right. Don’t need to hear any Churchill bullocks. What is going on with ya? Ya haven’t just started being like this out of the blue, I’ve noticed, ya know. Just tell meh, please mate. It’ll be alright.”

“Churchill gave some great speeches ‘ya know.” Archie nodded at Finn, to which his friend smirked at, but this soon faltered back into the concerned look Finn always gave Archie when he thought something serious was wrong. Those puppy dog eyes, he knew how to use them, Archie would give him that. Archie wasn’t going to give him anything else. He didn’t know how to explain what was wrong. He felt like now everyone was back together, he should have felt happy. Felt fine. But that just wasn’t the case. And that’s why he felt weird. Out of place. Not quite right.

“I dunno, really. I feel like I have all of these feelings and thought inside my head and I…I just can’t get them out. Not properly. My mum, she said that I should talk to someone at college, about everything. All my revelations. Now that’s a load of bullocks. Nothing is really wrong. I guess…I dunno. Things are changing and, I’ve never been good with that, you know that.” Archie paused, allowing Finn to take it all in. His friend was nodding along to everything he was saying, but Archie highly doubted he understood anything. No one seemed to understand him. Even if Archie was being a bit dramatic.

“I just thought it would be a bit easier by now.”

“Things take time, Arch. I’m proud of you though, you handled everything with class. I’m sorry I ‘aven’t been there for ya recently, mate. I’ll make it up to ‘ya, scout’s honour” Finn gave Archie a twinkling smile, took one last drag and put out his cigarette. He got up and stood next to his old friend, patting on the back. He hadn’t been the greatest friend in the world to Archie, better than some, but definitely not the best.

“I know Chop mentioned Barney t’other day. Has this got anything to do with how ‘ya feeling? ‘Cos Chopper isn’t always the best when it comes to uncomfortable subjects. ‘ya know he didn’t mean it though. Everyone reacts differently, and he loves ‘ya to pieces. We all do.”

“Cheers, mate. That means a lot. But that doesn’t matter, not really.” Archie smiled to himself at Finn’s ‘scouts’ comment, Finn always knew how to lighten the mood when it was pretty low. He was always careful and serious, especially when it came to Archie, but he was still a joker.

Archie sat down on the patch of grass in front of the swings and motioned Finn to sit beside him, which his friend obeyed to.

“He didn’t say anything wrong; he was fine actually. Not something we say that often about him.” Chop’s heart was always in the right place, or at least it had been, but he wasn’t very good at navigating it.

“I just…I feel like I don’t how I’m gonna move forward, ya know? Got nothing to do with Chop or Barney, alright? Just struggling with everything, I guess.” This wasn’t completely untrue. He was struggling, Chop had actually made him feel better for a while and moving forward was something he was trying to do and wanted to do. But the mention of Barney, well, he had been thinking about him a little since the afternoon at the pub with Chop. He was a good kisser. He had something interesting to say. And he actually listened to Archie. He was good-looking too. They hadn’t spoken much, not since that night. Barney would appear in and out of their lives; like most of the lads, he didn’t go to college much, obviously had better things to do – unlike Archie, who was sitting here thinking about him and what he was doing, when Barney probably hadn’t even given Archie a second thought.

Archie didn’t know why he was struggling so much recently, but he did know that he couldn’t be like this forever. He needed to do something, and yeah, sometimes talking helps and he didn’t fault Finn for being a good mate and trying to help him figure it out. But maybe this wasn’t the way.

Finn wasn’t going to probe Archie to say more, their friendship wasn’t like that. He knew there was more to Archie’s problems, but if Archie wasn’t ready then Finn wasn’t going to push him. Finn would be there for him, he only knew too well that it sometimes takes time to come to terms with how you feel.

“You heard any more about Durham, then?” University was always a good subject to talk about with Archie, he could rant on for hours about how great the facilities were, how weird and wacky the lecturers were, what a great opportunity it would be for him. Finn knew this. He knew how to keep Archie’s mind off things, even if he didn’t know how to get Archie to open up properly.

Archie gave a small sigh with relief at the mention of university. This was Finn signalling that he wasn’t going to carry on asking, which Archie was grateful for.

“Mr Pens thinks I could do it, if I keep doing what I’m doing. Mum and Dad, that’s all their hoping for, to be honest. Don’t wanna bore ya with everything about the application and interview. You found a job yet?” Bore you. That’s all Archie seemed to be doing recently. Boring everyone with his stupid problems. Problems he didn’t understand himself.

“Chopper said he could get me some work in the garage, but, ya know that’s not what I wanna do.” Finn looked over at the park as he said this. What did he want to do? He wanted Archie to tell him what’s up, that’s what he really wanted but felt like today wasn’t going to be the day.

“You’ll get there mate, I know you will. Who knows, when I come back from uni you could be the richest DJ in Stamford, eh?”

“Course I will, don’t doubt it.” Finn gave Archie a small wink, which was very reminiscent of a Chop wink, one that the gang all knew too well.

[cyanpeacock]

Realtalk(tm): The Continued Brainprocessing of Fucky Shit

it’s a long one boys but they all are atm

like jinkies scoob i have been Avoiding So Much with les drogues. avoiding so much like, wow, shit, I Feel So Empty Around People Who Were In My Life. but yes, very necessary to dissociate from this shit for a period while i adjusted to the possibility of, oh, wait, this really is My Apartment? this... i can Live Here without being Disturbed or Attacked? still adjusting. but without les drogues this time.

im continually coming to terms with like... ok, so, i have been and sometimes still like... engage in emotionally and physically abusive behaviour towards my own body, and to other bodies around me? 

and also, i am coming to terms with, this does not strictly mean i am An Abuser Forever full stop (i.e. Bad Person, Irredeemable, Disgusting, Abhorrent, Should Be Euthanised, etc).

this is reflective of, emotional and physical abuse has been so normalised to me as a young individual, that i have been repeating patterns of behaviour i saw routinely growing up, not even understanding why that kind of behaviour is hurtful or how i could do stuff differently. and that kind of makes me go, oh shit. dude, what the hell? that’s... that’s actually, yeah, that’s one fucked up upbringing. it really Was that bad. 

even regarding like The Voices In My Head(tm), my reaction historically was just like, scream at them? yell at them? injure the body somehow until they shut up or it passes out? 

which, uh, oh. that’s totally what my mother did when i was displaying “unreasonable” or “irrational” emotions as a small thing. rejecting then snapping then shouting then smacking until i either ran away to cry alone and injure myself more (emotional abandonment; reenacting and normalizing physical punishment) or went very numb and quiet and compliant like a Good Child (dissociative reaction/freezing; fawning). 

now like i am aware of these structures and this history Right Now. but still frequently i do get into the old frame of mind where it’s like, “you’re being stupid. you’re overreacting. you’re being melodramatic. Other People Have It Worse. Just Don’t Think About It” which, yeah, that’s introjected from a number of adult figures in my life. very very unhelpful, but when you’re a kid, you’re looking to adults for structures to implement to help you navigate your own life. when those adults are emotionally unhealthy... Yeah. this happens.

and right now, i’m like, uh, what the hell? it’s not a dick measuring contest, you’re telling a kid in pain that they’re not allowed to express their pain?

like i’ve talked abt this before probably but it’s an incident that reminds me how fucked up the whole situation was and is. when my school found out i was self harming in like y7 (so like, 11-12yo), because i’d cut so far down my PE shorts didn’t cover the marks, my PE teacher legally had to get the school to call home. and like, i fucking Begged her, please don’t, a call home is gonna make things SO much worse for me. but ofc the law is the law especially when it comes to teaching, and the call home got made. and later that evening my mother bust into my room with NO warning and fucking screamed at me, “You Selfish Little Cow.” 

like i went numb as hell. i don’t really remember clearly what she said after that but it was a whole tirade. stuff about how i was a brat and going to get her in trouble with social services and how i was ruining the family (implicitly, her life) and causing trouble, and how i ought to Think About What I’d Done. i was thinking/feeling, oh my god, she’s beating me again. i’ve ruined everything for everyone again. this is all my fault. i’m responsible, i’m the one to blame, i should have hidden it better. i’m not allowed to talk. i’m not allowed to feel. i’m supposed to be Quiet and Good and Do School and Not Annoy Anyone and Behave. i’ve failed. i am a failure. I Am A Selfish Little Cow. 

i think i tried to commit after she left? but like, in that way where you’re so numb and out of it you can’t actually physically pull together the methods, despite the mind wanting No More. 

and like i’ve been going to visit the woman that DID THAT TO ME. smiling and telling her about my life while Really Fucking Avoiding Telling Her Any Details About My Life. hesitating in pain and then adding “xx” to the end of the text messages i felt like i was obliged to send her. trying to convince myself “she’s my mum, i’m not gonna get another one, i should call her, it’s not so bad, we can talk about... uh, talk about politics, or religion, or, uh, her dog, or my siblings...” COMPLETELY fucking avoiding the fact that, like. this is the Same Person who caused me all that pain, and i don’t feel safe or secure talking to her about important details of my life, or my emotions, or, well, me. i hide and go Nothing Is Wrong! :) I’m Doing Fine! :) 

and! it really does seem like she’s not, you know, as cruel as she was with me, with her other children, at least since after i ran away. but no amount of that can actually change MY memories of growing up with her? my more-or-less programmed Make Her Happy reaction to her physical body? i can’t just, you know, conveniently forget those Things that Hurt Me to engage with her for her happiness. because, well, Her Happiness is not My Happiness, although i was lead to believe that was so. and, when i’m Conveniently Forgetting those things (i.e. my emotions at the hands of an abusive relative), i’m not behaving with the proper regard for myself as a person, and by extension i’m missing pieces of how to properly engage with other people. 

i don’t wanna like, mask the in between spaces of utter dread and anxiety and total blankness with Everything Is Totally Fine. I Am Functioning. Yes I Did Well In School This Year. That’s All That Matters. What Have I Been Doing? Oh You Know. The Usual. (without ever saying what The Usual is, because, yeah, when i’m in that Mode, i don’t fucking know what i do at home! idk how i spend my time! My Function Is To Avoid Conflict). 

because, uh, yeah, academically, sure! i am functioning, sort of! bodily? uh, well, i’m SLOWLY learning how to properly feed myself, and sleep without chemicals, and stay clean, stuff like that. socially? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. okay, fuck. that’s the one i can’t... figure out, like, at all, on my own. how do i... where the fuck do I even start? i’m not even okay enough with Myself to navigate the social world without passing inappropriate judgement on potential peers. i see people who might, Might, be friends, and my brain goes POTENTIAL THREAT REGISTERED. SELF: SIGHTED. ACTION: HIDE. DO NOT APPROACH. FLEE IF CONTACT INITIATED. 

SO LIKE. my issue now is, i totally know that like... these patterns of behaviour are not My Fault, don’t make me Useless, Bad, Bratty etc, if i sit down and write about it, frowning on-and-off for hours. but, i can’t actually implement these regulatory thought processes in realtime quickly enough to... meet new people and enjoy it? on like, a social level? even on a professional level i have to wait for a good day, and switch off like, chunks of me to get the Task Completed. and uh, talking to friends isn’t a Task process, it’s supposed to be a Leisure process?

i’m quite capable of filling my time and navigating the world quietly, alone! there is a surprising amount i can find to do. but hypothetically i’d really like to, like, meet people, and not talk about “haha dude I’m so sick right now. let’s smoke another blunt,” because while it was... uh, reassuring? and i suppose fun? for a while? to meet other people dealing with life pain like that, that sort of thing gets really mutually toxic.

like, i’m in the process of quitting drugs altogether, and drugs tend to go hand in hand with that social space. daily use, even second-hand smoke, is not something i can be around any more. weed was great for ages, but now like, the drug basically told me “nah g i’m not for u any more”? - as in, it was not helping me any further, i could feel this, and i just... smashed the pipe i’d smoked out of since living in the YMCA, deleted my dealers’ numbers, and withdrew. goodbye ganja! I Keap The   B o m g   In My Mind Now

i was offered like, support from a local drug addiction charity? people fucking pushing me and pushing me to go there, actually. but like... i step outside the place and the ground is carpeted in fag ends. there are cheap booze shops like 5 minutes walk away. it felt like the kind of place where something heavy would come up in group, and i’d be with the people who peel away afterwards to chainsmoke, get a couple litres of cheap voddy, then somebody pulls out their second phone to get a baggie of the good shit once the booze hits? like it could easily just drag me back down. this is a thing i gotta discuss later, and more privately. that kind of group Not For Me.

i’d also like... started Really noticing the whole undercurrent of like, anger and judgement and denial and impermanence in the we’re-all-mentally-ill-here social spaces i used to hang out in? and i’m aware that i was participating in that too, and that while it was good to begin with and for a long time, it really isn’t good for me any more. actually tbh i go Completely Wack upon returning to those people and places now. which, fuck, like, if the person in question happens to be reading this, i’m very sorry. and yeah, sorry doesn’t cut it, because that must have been Fucking Alarming from your perspective, and i wouldn’t have done it if i’d been in my right mind, and i wasn’t in my right mind, and currently can’t be around so many triggers, and yeah your lifestyle being triggering to me is NOT your fault at all, which is why all i can really do is a disappearing act. cuz there’s no conversation that can even make a goodbye feel right, fucker that this situation is. rip. 

so yeah uh. my issue now, is Establishing Trust and Healthy Social Connections. that is, trust that someone is gonna like me for, the collection of things i like and do and say and am? uh, or even several people? 

this... is one i can’t figure out Alone, because, well, it concerns social relations. and i have very little confidence in social relations, because, well, they’ve either been painful, or centered around painful experiences. and i’ve been told that when i’m really truly enthusiastic and happy about something, i’m overwhelming and annoying to others? so i put the brakes on like crazy if i start feeling “too” happy and end up going Appeasement Mode to get out of the social situation as quickly and smoothly as possible.

and uh, what, i don’t even know the collection of things i like and do and say and am. i don’t... Know all of those things at any one time. how, uh, what? what am I. you know. the usual ??????????? flippy haze. 

i mean! i’m getting better at talking Within myself. i REALLY try to talk slowly with kindness and understanding of context to myself and the voices in my head now, and figure out solutions to pain and problems that don’t involve different kinds of pain or avoidance? but i still lapse into like, you know, Augh Jesus Christ I’ve Heard This One Before Why Do I Need To Have This Discussion Again, and frequently i can’t find a viable alternative for avoidance, because i get overwhelmed easily and that makes EVERYTHING worse. and i haven’t figured out how to take my foot off the brake pedal, either, even though i’m not always pressing it. I Need It There For Now Or Else The Car Might Crash u kno. 

so, like, what? i guess i just keep, talking kindly to the voices, and also to myself? practice until it becomes the default state of being when a trigger pops in? this requires patience, and also booting away people who refuse to have patience with me. unfortunate, necessary.

the thing about IRL conversations, is they happen so QUICKLY, and like, i don’t have enough time to calm the brain down from every trigger that pops up! because like, it can be a facial expression, a movement, a word or phrase, a tone, something in the periphery, something behind me, an internal sensation. it’s SO much information my brain is scanning urgently for threats, and my brain scans harder the more a person knows me, because a person who knows you can deal WAY more damage than a stranger. 

so... yes. this is the part i require assistance with. Hrrrrrrmmnhghdfgjnh.

I SUPPOSE. perhaps now the university have stepped in to arrange a case review with the NHS, they can really push for the kind of support i need. which, yeah, it’s long-term one-on-one trauma-focused counselling or therapy, and also some help with social interaction???? not repeated crisis team referrals, not some 12-week DBT course, i’ve literally been off finding DBT skills and employing them on my own because the waiting lists are so fucking long, and not a 12-week psychodynamic course, because i’ve been seeing a psychodynamic counsellor on and off for four years privately, and the work is nowhere near a conclusion. shit, i’d be satisfied if they could just somehow secure funding for me to keep seeing that guy specifically? he’s REALLY helpful to me, literally like my fucking role model for non-toxic masculinity. and i’m not ready for like, group social skills work, Yet. but soon, you know? only when i’m like “okay, yeah, i really do think I can handle this without my health going backwards again” - which, i need more within-myself security for that. 

also better mood monitoring would be nice, i.e. seeing the same damn person, who actually knows my case, instead of a different person every time saying “I’ve just quickly had a look at your case notes”. because if i go low again this winter, then my “depressive disorder NOS” is bipolar, and i’ve been mismedicated from the beginning. and yeah honestly like? as soon as it starts getting dark and cold, I get inexplicably sad, even with plenty of indoor light and warm clothes and whatnot. but yeah we’ll see about that.

anyway This Shit Wack. Im Done.

[tumblunni]

First chapter of almost every shonen manga ever

Some incredibly ordinary guy: I am menaced by generic villain!

Generic villain: haw haw haw! I am probably black, arabic, ambiguously queer or some other minority but i'm definately fat!

Mysterious the protagonist: I appear!

Everyone ever: gosh he is so cool and great

Protagonist: watch how i defy social norms (with regards to politeness and not with regards to the stereotype the villain represents)

Ordinary dude: I am frustrated by your irreverent behaviour and somehow meant to seem unreasonable for this!

Protagonist: i will probably waste all your money on food, embarass you at your workplace, and if you are a woman possibly grope you on the way out!

Everyone else: wow he is So Cool

Ordinary dude: time to exposit my Sad Backstory

Protagonist: even though you have been working to fight this guy for possibly 15 years and i have no personal interest in your plight and quite possibly went "eww so boring i sleep", i am somehow the only person truly qualified to resolve your backstory

The narrative: possibly has a note about how he is So Super Perfect because he Just Helps People Even If He Doesnt Have A Reason, even though he just ignored the reason and acted like a rude asshole for 28 pages

Protagonist: I was empathetic all along! And somehow more than people who actually act like it!

Stereotype man: haw haw haw i sure do like menacing people for literally no reason and probably i'm also in a gang!

Predictable moment: he kills his own men to prove how evil he is

Alternatively: look i have captured Ordinary Dude and proved how wrong they were for thinking they could resolve their own backstory ok now i put a gun to their head and its supposed to prove how you are indeed not an ass despite acting like an ass cos you...dont want to let a guy die i guess??

Possible addendum: haw haw do some sort of degrading non badass thing because i am blackmailing u with kill the damsel

Everyone: oh gasp this is so terrible and worse than actual murder because how dare he make badass man not be badass!!

Protagonist: ha i was actually never in any danger of losing and now i reveal my Big Power

Big power: *instantly kills [secondary midboss of main villain] with no effort*

Protagonist: please ignore how this means i could have solved the problem 18 hours ago and the author only dragged it out for a chance to show off

Some guy in the crowd: gasp he's really [INSERT COOL NICKNAME] and is famous in [ALL PLACE] for [THING]

Some other guy: he has a bounty of [NUMBER]!

A third: Somehow we never noticed this wanted poster we all seem to own until it was thematically important!

The first guy: let me exposit his entire backstory in five seconds!

The backstory: my female figure or dad figure died and i am searching for the legendary thingus and/or To Prove I Am More Cool And Perfect Than Everyone Else

Meanwhile: dramatic shot of Ordinary Dude (probably still under Stereotype's foot) staring deeply at Protagonist with Emotion I Guess

Crowd: wow we should have realized he was cool and perfect!

Ordinary dude: i was foolish to doubt he was cool and perfect!

Stereotype villain: i also instantly believe this and am reduced to a blubbering mess!

Ordinary dude: truly his suffering is worse than everyone else! Ignoring the fact that im living the same backstory literally now! Boy it sure is conveinient that it made him step up and become amazing so he can resolve my plot without me getting the same thing!

Protagonist: *chops off bad guy's head in some cool two page spread*

Protagonist: its great how this is more climactic than the person actually affected by the thing getting any resolution

Overhead shot: we are later now i suppose!

Crowd: we sure are far away from the camera! It is vaguely implied we are thanking you!

Protagonist: Now Is The Time I Must Go For No Reason

Ordinary dude: *runs out like theyre trying to stop a wedding*

The same panel every time: wide shot of them panting out of breath

Dramatic zoom in on face yelling: STOP I HAVE PREDICTABLE PLOT INFORMATION TO TELL YOU

Ordinary dude: wow u like saved my life and such and i appreciate u stealing my entire story and proving i only existed as a vessel to prove you were kinda neat

Ordinary dude: btw i was completely wrong and shameful for thinking you were not the second coming of actual anime christ

Protagonist: hmm yes i agree but like in a non egotistical way somehow

Ordinary dude: IF IM A GIRL I HAVE A LOVE CONFESSION

Protagonist: why are you yelling

Ordinary dude: BECAUSE YOURE WALKING AWAY

Protagonist: WHY DOES NOBODY AKNOWLEDGE HOW MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE I AM

The writer: dude's gotta have Every Woman love him but be all Cool And Detatched, yknow?

Literally everyone: we do not know. No human acts like this.

Ordinary dude: if i am a young male i probably go with him as a sidekick and continue to fail constantly at ever being tough and be rescued for many issues into the future!

Some sort of relative of his: *drops dead now to justify a continuing motivation*

Protagonist: why not just have me not erase his first motivation with my bigass sword?

Ordinary dude: hey at least its better than when im a girl and you just say no to taking me with you for no remotely explained reason

Ordinary dude girl version: AND THEN I STAYED HERE FOREVER PINING FOR HIM AND HIS NAME WENT DOWN IN HISTORY AS THE [completer of previously established plot thread]

Protagonist: [catch phrase]

[yournewapartment]

(pt 1/?) Hi. I live in an apartment building (not run/owned by the university) and am having some problems with my neighbors being too loud at night. Personally I've had to call security on them twice, and others have called at least 4 other times. After one of the early times, the noisy people came around and gave people their numbers (there are at least 3 girls living there in a 3 bedroom place, but mine is just me in a 1 bedroom), and asked that we please text them when they got too loud

(pt 2/?) instead of immediately calling security, and they seemed genuine at the time, but when i tried texting them in a group chat at 2 am asking them to turn it down, they barely did and kept trying to almost guilt me into feeling bad that they had to turn it down, saying things like “if we turn it down anymore we can’t hear it” and “how will it be okay? We are lowering it as much as we can”, and insisting that there has to be some sort of middle ground where their music was still at the

(pt 3/?) volume they wanted and i was comfortable, but to me those things can’t both happen at the same time, since clearly the volume they wanted was disrupting me trying to go to bed. I spent 30 minutes texting back and forth with them still not turning it down anymore, despite me asking nicely and explaining that i could hear it in my bed, which is against the wall to their living room (theres not anywhere else to put it, and i don’t feel like i should have to rearrange my space because they

(pt4/?) cant be quiet) so i finally gave up and called security at almost 3 am and filed another noise complaint. They texted me again after the security guard came, basically saying that they were trying to work with me and i was being unreasonable. I guess my question is, how would you recommend dealing with them, because a. I don’t wanna have to be the bad guy calling security on them, but it seems like that is the only option for me and b. I only know of 3 girls living there for sure

(pt 5/5) because they are the only 3 that ive met, but they have guests over all the time, most of them guys much taller and larger than me (5 ft girl) and im not really comfortable going over there to deal with this because they know i called security at least once and they’re pretty mad at me and c. like i said they’re pretty mad at me so i worry about some form of retaliation. Thanks!! (5 messages in total, and i have it saved elsewhere if u need part resent. thanks again)

Most landlords have a clause in their lease agreement stating that after a certain hour of night, noise levels have to be controlled. Usually this time is 9pm. Regardless of whether there is a clause in your lease agreement or not, it’s common decency to not blast music at 2 in the morning. They are being unreasonable and manipulative, and it’s clear that talking to them does not accomplish anything.

Step 1 is blocking their numbers. Seriously. Don’t engage with them or play games with them over text. Block them tonight!

Step 2 is contacting your landlord about this. Get the other people who have made noise complaints to come with you and demand that your landlord issue do something! Tell them that the fact that you’ve asked multiple times, called security, and been polite has done nothing. Tell them that you are unable to sleep and that they are infringing on your rights as a tenant. Your landlord will probably either issue a noise complaint or talk to the problem tenants. 

Step 3 is to keep complaining every single time something happens. 

Do not interact with these neighbors or ask them to turn the music down. They know you want the music down already.

Record video evidence on your phone of how loud it is.

Complain every single day in person or over the phone to your landlord.

Get the other people to complain as well.

If you feel threatened by these tenants, stay locked in your apartment and call the police. 

If your landlord gets enough complaints about these tenants, they will have no choice but to kick them out. I had a horrible neighbor who was a babysitter for three very young and loud grandchildren from 6-11pm every single night at our last apartment. We were across the hall from them, and literally it was so loud it was like they were in the same room as us. The people underneath them actually vacated their lease early because they couldn’t sleep with the racket, and after I complained three different times to our landlord, she finally kicked them out. 

She did issue them two different noise complaints, which did nothing. She then told me to just call the police if they were loud (which I didn’t feel comfortable doing). And then when I told her for the billionth time that there were three little children over there every single night that were probably not on the lease she finally seemed to hear me, and they moved out the next day.