varian-the-unstable-alchemist

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

Curse where lav turns into an actual lavender plant.

oh god oh FU-

guys you need to water him or he'll DIE don't water him too much tho you know he's scared of drowning you need to be careful. be careful. BE caREFUL.

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

It’s been a long while since I’ve seen it mentioned- does Varian remember that small Steven that threatened him to get lav out of Amber? (back when lav was trapped in Amber) wasn’t that a whole adventure, Or am I imagining it?

// You mean Glass? Yeah, Varian still remembers it (as I recall, Glass used it/its pronouns) and so do I-

I haven't touched this blog in a long time but uh-

Yeah you're not imagining it, or at least I don't think-

I think Glass' mun deleted the account because literally any posts or traces of them are gone. No idea why, since I haven't been active in a while and I didn't hear anything but.

If there was drama just. I dont really want to know ab it lol

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

Varian was curled up, hands pressed into the sides of his head. His eyes were squeezed shut, blood dripping from his mouth and nose and streaming sluggishly down his arm. His breaths were fast, panicked and frantic. He hadn't noticed the switch back to reality, still hyperventilating.

Whoever Lav interacts with is suddenly put in danger by whatever situation Lav fears most.

It's felt... forced, recently. Lav doesn't go out as much as he used to. He's been getting worse and worse. Everything that got better just slowly crumbled in front of him. Andrew ruined everything. He got what he wanted, and it felt horrible. But... there's nothing to do but move on.

The only issue is that he can't. So many bad places in such a short span of time and he can't get his mind off of it. He hasn't even been using his journal nearly as much as he normally does in these scenarios. He wants to keep it to himself because it felt like too much. Too much to tell anyone, too much to handle.

Plus, he doesn't need the help at the moment. It's not like he deserved it anyways.

...He promised Crow it wasn't a case of "not deserving it", and he knows he does deserve help. Or, at the very least, people think he's deserving of it. But the more this goes on, the more he spirals, the worse it gets.

But he doesn't want to tell anyone. They're all going to grow tired of it. Grow weary. There'll be a point where they don't want to deal with you or your problems anymore. And - even if he hates to admit it - he doesn't even 100% know if he's safe. He doesn't know if they still care. He doesn't know if they want him here.

He knows this is because Ender keeps feeding him these insecurities. He knows it's because of his own stupid paranoia that he feels like this. But he can't stop it.

...that's enough talk about that. But he looked tired. Looked as if he's... been through a lot.

So nothing new, really.

He sat on a bench, just... hoping that today would be slightly more normal.

He's unaware of what's coming for him.

//open rp!! @varian-the-unstable-alchemist @bubble-steven @suicidal-steven @anyone! I don't remember many urls so feel free to reply :D

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

Varian's cold, bloodstained metal hands pressed themselves to his mouth. His knees gave out from under him, collapsing to the ground as he gave a dry heave. Tears blurred his vision, unable to see anything as his stomach churned. His body ached. The only thing stopping him from throwing up was the fact that he hadn't eaten in days, and there was nothing left in his stomach. His heaves turned into a cough. A horrible, tearing, hacking cough into his cold metal hand. He drew back, and his mouth was sticky with more blood added to the preexisting stains. He squeezed his eyes shut, the iron taste coating the inside of his mouth. He pressed the heels of his hands to the sides of his head and screamed, knees close to his chest as he tried to block everything out.

Whoever Lav interacts with is suddenly put in danger by whatever situation Lav fears most.

It's felt... forced, recently. Lav doesn't go out as much as he used to. He's been getting worse and worse. Everything that got better just slowly crumbled in front of him. Andrew ruined everything. He got what he wanted, and it felt horrible. But... there's nothing to do but move on.

The only issue is that he can't. So many bad places in such a short span of time and he can't get his mind off of it. He hasn't even been using his journal nearly as much as he normally does in these scenarios. He wants to keep it to himself because it felt like too much. Too much to tell anyone, too much to handle.

Plus, he doesn't need the help at the moment. It's not like he deserved it anyways.

...He promised Crow it wasn't a case of "not deserving it", and he knows he does deserve help. Or, at the very least, people think he's deserving of it. But the more this goes on, the more he spirals, the worse it gets.

But he doesn't want to tell anyone. They're all going to grow tired of it. Grow weary. There'll be a point where they don't want to deal with you or your problems anymore. And - even if he hates to admit it - he doesn't even 100% know if he's safe. He doesn't know if they still care. He doesn't know if they want him here.

He knows this is because Ender keeps feeding him these insecurities. He knows it's because of his own stupid paranoia that he feels like this. But he can't stop it.

...that's enough talk about that. But he looked tired. Looked as if he's... been through a lot.

So nothing new, really.

He sat on a bench, just... hoping that today would be slightly more normal.

He's unaware of what's coming for him.

//open rp!! @varian-the-unstable-alchemist @bubble-steven @suicidal-steven @anyone! I don't remember many urls so feel free to reply :D

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

Drip.

How long had he been here? He couldn't move

Drip.

He couldn't see. He couldn't feel

Drip.

Everything was numb, and yet everything hurt

Drip.

What was that sound?

Drip.

He looked down, only to see his feet standing in a puddle of crimson, his own hand clenched around his arm. His fingernails were digging into the skin of his arm, tearing it. Blood was streaming down his forearm, dripping off his fingers into the puddle below him. Quiet drops from the gorey mess of his arm. Surely he hadn't bled that much. Where did the blood come from?

Drip.

His vision was going strange, sharp, gasping breaths invading his system as he struggled to clear his head. The blood, the amber all around him. Screaming in his ears- It was so loud. They were screaming so loud. He couldn't hear anything over their deafening screams. It was only when his own mouth went dry from being open that he realized he was the one screaming. He clenched his fists in his hair, tearing his head downwards with a sharp yank so he collapsed with a loud crack to his knees, smacking his head on the wall and his blood-soaked knees on the floor. Blood and amber and words and chains and hate, so much hate filled his eyes so they were all he could see, screaming in a futile attempt to drown out his thoughts, to stop his brain from working. It was too much, too much.

He drew his head back and slammed it into the wall again. Stars popped into being in front of his eyes and agony erupted through his neck, head, and back, but he didn't care. He did it again.

Whoever Lav interacts with is suddenly put in danger by whatever situation Lav fears most.

It's felt... forced, recently. Lav doesn't go out as much as he used to. He's been getting worse and worse. Everything that got better just slowly crumbled in front of him. Andrew ruined everything. He got what he wanted, and it felt horrible. But... there's nothing to do but move on.

The only issue is that he can't. So many bad places in such a short span of time and he can't get his mind off of it. He hasn't even been using his journal nearly as much as he normally does in these scenarios. He wants to keep it to himself because it felt like too much. Too much to tell anyone, too much to handle.

Plus, he doesn't need the help at the moment. It's not like he deserved it anyways.

...He promised Crow it wasn't a case of "not deserving it", and he knows he does deserve help. Or, at the very least, people think he's deserving of it. But the more this goes on, the more he spirals, the worse it gets.

But he doesn't want to tell anyone. They're all going to grow tired of it. Grow weary. There'll be a point where they don't want to deal with you or your problems anymore. And - even if he hates to admit it - he doesn't even 100% know if he's safe. He doesn't know if they still care. He doesn't know if they want him here.

He knows this is because Ender keeps feeding him these insecurities. He knows it's because of his own stupid paranoia that he feels like this. But he can't stop it.

...that's enough talk about that. But he looked tired. Looked as if he's... been through a lot.

So nothing new, really.

He sat on a bench, just... hoping that today would be slightly more normal.

He's unaware of what's coming for him.

//open rp!! @varian-the-unstable-alchemist @bubble-steven @suicidal-steven @anyone! I don't remember many urls so feel free to reply :D

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

random pinterest quotes that remind me of varian sad edition

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

Varian's eyes had gone wide. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think. Even if the amber slowly creeping up his legs and arms wasn't there, every inch of him was frozen as his eyes were glued to what was happening in front of him. He wanted to scream, wanted to leap to his feet and run to Lav, but his mouth wouldn't open and his body refused to move. He was going into shock, his breathing rising to an extreme degree as he started to hyperventilate. No, no, no, no, no, nononononononononNoNoNoNoNONONONONONONONOT AGAIN- His brain was empty, the only thing he could hear was the sound of his own panic, his mind screaming as he shut down.

All the movement he could manage was his wide eyes flicking from the amber in front of him to Lav, unable to speak as he watched him in pure, abject, frozen terror.

Whoever Lav interacts with is suddenly put in danger by whatever situation Lav fears most.

It's felt... forced, recently. Lav doesn't go out as much as he used to. He's been getting worse and worse. Everything that got better just slowly crumbled in front of him. Andrew ruined everything. He got what he wanted, and it felt horrible. But... there's nothing to do but move on.

The only issue is that he can't. So many bad places in such a short span of time and he can't get his mind off of it. He hasn't even been using his journal nearly as much as he normally does in these scenarios. He wants to keep it to himself because it felt like too much. Too much to tell anyone, too much to handle.

Plus, he doesn't need the help at the moment. It's not like he deserved it anyways.

...He promised Crow it wasn't a case of "not deserving it", and he knows he does deserve help. Or, at the very least, people think he's deserving of it. But the more this goes on, the more he spirals, the worse it gets.

But he doesn't want to tell anyone. They're all going to grow tired of it. Grow weary. There'll be a point where they don't want to deal with you or your problems anymore. And - even if he hates to admit it - he doesn't even 100% know if he's safe. He doesn't know if they still care. He doesn't know if they want him here.

He knows this is because Ender keeps feeding him these insecurities. He knows it's because of his own stupid paranoia that he feels like this. But he can't stop it.

...that's enough talk about that. But he looked tired. Looked as if he's... been through a lot.

So nothing new, really.

He sat on a bench, just... hoping that today would be slightly more normal.

He's unaware of what's coming for him.

//open rp!! @varian-the-unstable-alchemist @bubble-steven @suicidal-steven @anyone! I don't remember many urls so feel free to reply :D

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

Lav, please...

His voice was barely audible, earnestly hugging back now.

I can't help you if you don't let me in...

Whoever Lav interacts with is suddenly put in danger by whatever situation Lav fears most.

It's felt... forced, recently. Lav doesn't go out as much as he used to. He's been getting worse and worse. Everything that got better just slowly crumbled in front of him. Andrew ruined everything. He got what he wanted, and it felt horrible. But... there's nothing to do but move on.

The only issue is that he can't. So many bad places in such a short span of time and he can't get his mind off of it. He hasn't even been using his journal nearly as much as he normally does in these scenarios. He wants to keep it to himself because it felt like too much. Too much to tell anyone, too much to handle.

Plus, he doesn't need the help at the moment. It's not like he deserved it anyways.

...He promised Crow it wasn't a case of "not deserving it", and he knows he does deserve help. Or, at the very least, people think he's deserving of it. But the more this goes on, the more he spirals, the worse it gets.

But he doesn't want to tell anyone. They're all going to grow tired of it. Grow weary. There'll be a point where they don't want to deal with you or your problems anymore. And - even if he hates to admit it - he doesn't even 100% know if he's safe. He doesn't know if they still care. He doesn't know if they want him here.

He knows this is because Ender keeps feeding him these insecurities. He knows it's because of his own stupid paranoia that he feels like this. But he can't stop it.

...that's enough talk about that. But he looked tired. Looked as if he's... been through a lot.

So nothing new, really.

He sat on a bench, just... hoping that today would be slightly more normal.

He's unaware of what's coming for him.

//open rp!! @varian-the-unstable-alchemist @bubble-steven @suicidal-steven @anyone! I don't remember many urls so feel free to reply :D

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

He rested one of his hands on his back. Not exactly hugging him back, but showing he appreciated it.

No, I...

He hesitated, swallowing slightly.

I haven't been doing enough... I-I've been ignoring your problems even when you've exhausted every last resort to try and fix mine... you're my brother, and I care about you so I... I should be doing more... I should be reaching out more, and Im sorry that I haven't... You deserve every sliver of every drop of appreciation and support you've been given a-and Im sorry I've given you so little... I'm ready to listen if you're ready to talk...

Whoever Lav interacts with is suddenly put in danger by whatever situation Lav fears most.

It's felt... forced, recently. Lav doesn't go out as much as he used to. He's been getting worse and worse. Everything that got better just slowly crumbled in front of him. Andrew ruined everything. He got what he wanted, and it felt horrible. But... there's nothing to do but move on.

The only issue is that he can't. So many bad places in such a short span of time and he can't get his mind off of it. He hasn't even been using his journal nearly as much as he normally does in these scenarios. He wants to keep it to himself because it felt like too much. Too much to tell anyone, too much to handle.

Plus, he doesn't need the help at the moment. It's not like he deserved it anyways.

...He promised Crow it wasn't a case of "not deserving it", and he knows he does deserve help. Or, at the very least, people think he's deserving of it. But the more this goes on, the more he spirals, the worse it gets.

But he doesn't want to tell anyone. They're all going to grow tired of it. Grow weary. There'll be a point where they don't want to deal with you or your problems anymore. And - even if he hates to admit it - he doesn't even 100% know if he's safe. He doesn't know if they still care. He doesn't know if they want him here.

He knows this is because Ender keeps feeding him these insecurities. He knows it's because of his own stupid paranoia that he feels like this. But he can't stop it.

...that's enough talk about that. But he looked tired. Looked as if he's... been through a lot.

So nothing new, really.

He sat on a bench, just... hoping that today would be slightly more normal.

He's unaware of what's coming for him.

//open rp!! @varian-the-unstable-alchemist @bubble-steven @suicidal-steven @anyone! I don't remember many urls so feel free to reply :D

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

He hesitated a moment before he did, sitting next to him. He didn't meet his eyes, letting the silence stretch between them. It took him a while, but he eventually spoke, his voice soft and eyes pointed at the ground.

...I'm sorry...

He didn't sound upset or desperate, just... quietly sad.

Whoever Lav interacts with is suddenly put in danger by whatever situation Lav fears most.

It's felt... forced, recently. Lav doesn't go out as much as he used to. He's been getting worse and worse. Everything that got better just slowly crumbled in front of him. Andrew ruined everything. He got what he wanted, and it felt horrible. But... there's nothing to do but move on.

The only issue is that he can't. So many bad places in such a short span of time and he can't get his mind off of it. He hasn't even been using his journal nearly as much as he normally does in these scenarios. He wants to keep it to himself because it felt like too much. Too much to tell anyone, too much to handle.

Plus, he doesn't need the help at the moment. It's not like he deserved it anyways.

...He promised Crow it wasn't a case of "not deserving it", and he knows he does deserve help. Or, at the very least, people think he's deserving of it. But the more this goes on, the more he spirals, the worse it gets.

But he doesn't want to tell anyone. They're all going to grow tired of it. Grow weary. There'll be a point where they don't want to deal with you or your problems anymore. And - even if he hates to admit it - he doesn't even 100% know if he's safe. He doesn't know if they still care. He doesn't know if they want him here.

He knows this is because Ender keeps feeding him these insecurities. He knows it's because of his own stupid paranoia that he feels like this. But he can't stop it.

...that's enough talk about that. But he looked tired. Looked as if he's... been through a lot.

So nothing new, really.

He sat on a bench, just... hoping that today would be slightly more normal.

He's unaware of what's coming for him.

//open rp!! @varian-the-unstable-alchemist @bubble-steven @suicidal-steven @anyone! I don't remember many urls so feel free to reply :D

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

Varian... hadn't been doing much better. He was struggling to function like a human being at this point, every action far harder than it should be.

He was walking down the boardwalk when he caught sight of him, forcing a smile.

Whoever Lav interacts with is suddenly put in danger by whatever situation Lav fears most.

It's felt... forced, recently. Lav doesn't go out as much as he used to. He's been getting worse and worse. Everything that got better just slowly crumbled in front of him. Andrew ruined everything. He got what he wanted, and it felt horrible. But... there's nothing to do but move on.

The only issue is that he can't. So many bad places in such a short span of time and he can't get his mind off of it. He hasn't even been using his journal nearly as much as he normally does in these scenarios. He wants to keep it to himself because it felt like too much. Too much to tell anyone, too much to handle.

Plus, he doesn't need the help at the moment. It's not like he deserved it anyways.

...He promised Crow it wasn't a case of "not deserving it", and he knows he does deserve help. Or, at the very least, people think he's deserving of it. But the more this goes on, the more he spirals, the worse it gets.

But he doesn't want to tell anyone. They're all going to grow tired of it. Grow weary. There'll be a point where they don't want to deal with you or your problems anymore. And - even if he hates to admit it - he doesn't even 100% know if he's safe. He doesn't know if they still care. He doesn't know if they want him here.

He knows this is because Ender keeps feeding him these insecurities. He knows it's because of his own stupid paranoia that he feels like this. But he can't stop it.

...that's enough talk about that. But he looked tired. Looked as if he's... been through a lot.

So nothing new, really.

He sat on a bench, just... hoping that today would be slightly more normal.

He's unaware of what's coming for him.

//open rp!! @varian-the-unstable-alchemist @bubble-steven @suicidal-steven @anyone! I don't remember many urls so feel free to reply :D

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

🌹

"Then do that!" She screamed, angry tears welling in her eyes, "But you don't get to decide how I treat them when being noble has only ever brought me pain!"

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

🌹I wanna see!

"Despite what many would say, Eugene Fitzherbert was not a rash man. Sure, from an outside perspective, many of his actions would appear impulsive or even reckless, but in actuality, every seemingly impulsive venture he took was well-thought-out and considered. Take right now, for instance. After considering his girlfriend’s stress level (incredibly high), the state of the kingdom (taken over by a cult of dangerous terrorists and an extremely unstable alchemist), and his own unique skillset (devilish rouge extraordinaire) for all of five minutes, he came to the conclusion that the best thing to do was to go in on his own to gather as much intel as he could. "

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

🌹

"It appeared that arranging for him to be attacked by a group of angry citizens had been one push too far. Well, not even he was perfect, he'd just have to make note of the boy's limitations for later, lest he try something like this again."

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

for every "🌹" received in my inbox i'll post one random sentence of a random WIP i'm currently writing

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

// sry cant reply to shit today

feel like i wanna fall into the sun

im completely fine mentally dw im just ina shitton of physical pain

cant focus bc my uterus wants me to writhe in agony

being afab sucks

ill hopefully be well enough tomorrow

so don think im ignoring you just

pain

[varian-the-unstable-alchemist]

He let out a weak, bitter, and humorless chuckle.

Well, let's take a look...

He started ticking things off on his fingers.

My abuser came back from the dead and used Lav as bait to take us both hostage, I had to pretend to be subservient to him again in order to get out, I was forced to kill Lav to "prove myself", then I stabbed the bastard through the chest when he didn't expect it and left him in Lav's gem room to rot, then surprise surprise! Guess who forgot a key detail about Lav's situation that came back to bite me in the ass? I make a stupid decision that leads to Lav, one of the only people I have left, shattering and dying at my hands again, and I realize that I'm never going to get better, that all this "trying" is really just a game I'm playing with myself. I can't change who I am, a toxic, dangerous hazard who destroys everything he touches. Then guess what? My dumbass decides to make things even worse by somehow forgetting that we can't even die here and trying to walk off lighthouse hill, forcing my brother to push himself far past his limit to stop me from making yet another stupid decision... I'm the one who killed him, and yet I forced him to comfort me because I'm just that goddamn selfish. What's worse is that I've now come to realize that I'm basically stuck here forever, trapped in this purgatory with no hope of escape.

He was shaking slightly after that rant, trying to cross his arms, but he ended up kind of hugging himself instead. He'd run out of fingers to count on a bit ago. He looked away and mumbled.

...so I guess you could say I'm not doing well...

Touch-starved

Varian was forcing himself to leave his Lab for once, something he hadn't done in days. He hadn't had enough energy or motivation to make himself presentable though, so he looked a bit like he'd just crawled out from under the bed. He hadn't eaten. He'd spent most of his time over the past few days laying on his bed in silence or a sedative-induced blackout and he couldn't have told you the difference between the two if asked. He hadn't been doing well and Ender's taunting only made it worse... At the moment, he was standing on the sidewalk next to a shopfront, zoning out and staring blankly at a lampost. He looked like hell...

//this curse won the poll, so let's give the boy so comfort.

Because oh boy does he need it.

Open rp! @purple-steven @gazmembranerp @bubble-steven @anyone really my brain is blank-

Sry I haven't been super active, I've been distracted by other stuff lol