#mmfd fic

[rockinthebeastmode]

guess who realized shes been giving previews on AO3 and not here? so heres a few tings ive been pondering over. please enjoy and thx for reading lovelies

Night Shift VI

Rae woke reluctantly to music playing and kitchen noise and she wearily rolled out of bed to stumble to the loo. After making herself halfway presentable, she went to the kitchen, surprised to see the myriad of food cooking.

“Oi, get back in bed,” Finn instructed, waving a spatula at her, “Breakfast’s not done.”

“Shite...you’re a morning person,” she grumbled, his answering grin nearly blinding her. Wine hangovers were always the worst.

He chuckled and kissed her neck before returning to the stovetop. He moved around expertly and Rae went about making tea. Finn already had the kettle on so she grabbed sugar and bourbon. She poured a healthy splash in a mug while he was turned away and then surreptitiously put the bottle away.

“Y’dont have to hide it.” She frowned and he shrugged, “I understand.”

“Do you?” She wasn’t sure she could believe him. He hesitated.

“I was in rehab awhile back.”

“For drinking?”

“Not entirely,” he swallowed before going on, “I used to be a cokehead, but then it was pain pills and alcohol…”

“Anything else?” She couldn’t say she was shocked but certainly didn’t think he was the type.

“Just spliff,” He joked weakly, his head tilting, “What about you?”

“Not really…” she shrugged, “I’ve tried stuff at parties but nothing else stuck.”

“Good,” he said genuinely, pain behind his eyes as he nodded and looked her over.

“C’mon,” he took her hand and urged her into the hall, “Back to bed with you. Food’s almost up, alright?”

Rae didn’t argue, her stomach rumbling embarrassingly loud.

He lingered after she sat at the foot of the bed, kissing her firmly and she held him to her with a hand in his hair, the other running down his bare chest. He allowed the kiss to deepen, his tongue sliding along hers but he shortly leaned away with a sigh.

“You’ll be the death of me, girl,” he whispered, shaking his head.

“I could say the same,” she added, raising a brow at him before tugging him back, her lips pressing to his hard.

He groaned, his fingers moving through her hair and running over her cheek. His thumb stroked over her chin and he held her to him as he devoured her inside and out. She whimpered slightly when he pulled back again, his breath short.

“Okay…” He took a deep breath, “Breakfast,” he reminded them both, smiling wide at her instant pout. He backed a step and turned, hands fisting at his sides.

Doin’ Time II

Finn rubbed his hands together in happy anticipation as Rae finished stirring the batter into smooth waves.

“Let’s have a taste then,” Finn beamed, already reaching for the spoon. Rae smacked his hand away, scowling at his affronted grunt.

“No, there’s raw egg, knobhead,” she protested, holding the bowl away from him.

He kept his arms outstretched around her frame to grab for it and she laughed and shifted as he pressed to her side, her arse sliding across his front. He stiffened, barely stopping his arms from encircling her waist, and instead dropping them to his side. She spun away from him, a cheeky smile in place. She placed the bowl on the counter, a dollop of batter smearing across her thumb. She licked it away without thinking and her eyes widened when Finn raised his brows at her, a devious grin forming.

“So that’s how it’s gonna be?” he drawled, advancing towards her slowly. She kept her back to the bowl and when he reached her, she grabbed his biceps, holding him back.

“Don’t you dare, Nelson,” Rae breathed, her fingers light on his skin. Her grip tightened when he leaned closer to her.

All Mixed Up II

Rae was all moved in a couple weeks later. She was still nervous about it but glad to be with Chloe and saving money.

Unfortunately, her first few days were a bit lonely. Chloe was balancing uni and modeling gigs, both of which kept her out of the house often. Archie, who’s parents apparently owned the house, wasn’t around much either, with his schooling as well as a rumoured relationship. Rae was left to settle in with only Finn there; however, he seemed to be in and out a lot. She guessed he had classes too but she quickly noticed his early morning entrances, sometimes with a girl, sometimes not, but he always ended up passing out somewhere other than his room.

She suspected he was a bit of a drinker, given the state of him when she’d come across his unconscious body but that wasn’t any of her business—she really had no idea what he was about now that they were out of college and older.

Back then, he’d been cocky and somewhat arrogant but showed a totally different side when she’d put him in his place.

Now, he was more subdued and obviously no less of a flirt but the girls he brought home never stayed long. In fact, there wasn't a single time one had been in his room longer than an hour at the most.

Curiosity overwhelmed her and she found herself asking Archie about him, knowing how close they were.

[flirtmcgirt]

#mmfd rewatch I only have 3 episodes left, you know what they are *crosses self * At least I got a fic out of it that no longer exists in the world. Let’s see if my perspective has shifted in 11. (?!) years.

[marigoldandnasturtium]

REQUEST: MMFD FANFIC WRITERS; if you are still active...

can someone write a fic where rae has a normal day - as boring as it sounds- where nothing happens. she wakes up ok, she has her fave breakfast, she puts on her fave album, she get's ready in an outfit that makes her feel really cool and herself. a fic of a day where she is really content just being herself.

bonus points if it's in her childhood and extra bonus points if finn makes an appearance.

if you do please tag me

[kneekeyta]

Just wanted to say, thank you for your wonderful fanfics! They were a treasure to find and a joy to read. I think I have binged them all, lol. You are such a great and talented writer. Every single story captured their characters beautifully! 🥲💖

Oh my goodness! Thank you thank you THANK YOU!! I’m so ecstatically happy you enjoyed them!! I wasn’t even sure anyone read mmfd fics anymore as I’m rarely on here these days, and it’s fantastic to know they are read. I appreciate you beyond belief!

These two dickheads, along with all of my fellow emus, will have a part of my heart forever. xx

[endemictoearth]

👋 I just want to pop in and say thank you for keeping this blog open! I’ve been rewatching MMFD while I’m sick, and went back through some of your posts to reminisce. It made me miss that time!

But I’m grateful to you for being such a good source for anyone who might find the show, so many quality fics, posts, and laughs. (SOME of us (looks away in embarrassment) might have deleted all our stuff in a fit of pique. Ahem. Anyway). I’m happy it’s here, and happy you’re here, frequency be dammed!

Lol, thank you for still hanging around! It's partially through inertia, but I've also always said that this place is gonna have to shut down around me. I might come and go, but I'm not deleting anything. Host my fics and retumbled memes 4eva, Tumblr overlords!

I'm with you that I really do miss the fervor of MMFD series 2 and even series 3 . . . the most intense fan-sperience of my life, truly. But I'm still always chuffed to see people sending messages like these and kudos-ing my fics on AO3 now and again; the show is great enough to keep people checking it out and looking for more.

[killer-catchy]

sudden spike in my activity because someone got into my mmfd fics

glad they liked them :-)

[commonpeople-fic]

ok, so...I know you promised that you're still working on this story that despite myself I am still obsessed with... and I know we won't get a new chapter until it's complete and perfect, but.... how about a tiny preview, like just a few paragraphes, to keep the dream alive?? :D If you don't want to, I understand and no pressure. I will wait until you feel it's ready! xxx

Dear anon!

You are wonderful, thank you so much for still carrying a torch for this story :) It's been a while since I could devote any brain power to writing, or the time for writing as a hobby, when I needed to write for pay (and you guys know I hate writing, so that was too much writing...).

HOWEVER, from time to time me and @madfatty my lovely beta and friend, had been sporadically working on it. We were making real progress... and then I decided to re-work an entire plot point, so now there's even more writing to do 😐

I guess what I'm saying is - as always - it's coming, only very slowly. And yes, dearest anon, as per your request, here's a small part of the next chapter. Note that it's not fully beta-ed! so all mistakes are mine alone. Oh, and you don't get much of anything really interesting (I know what your guys are really interested in wink wink). But hey.

I hope this helps to restore your faith in me... and thank you for asking! 💖💖💖 Shiri AKA Witchstuff

Excerpt from Common People, chapter 9

... Forty minutes later, Rae is feeling a whole lot better. She’s still got tremors in her hands, she can still feel the choking tears in her aching throat, but when you go through a magical door into an alternate universe made of light and noise and people and excited expectation, other shit tends to fade into the background. 

Rae’s never felt anything like it before. Every fantasy she’s ever had about attending a big concert to watch proper musicians that she loves, has paled in comparison with the feeling of actually standing in the venue, in the middle of the enormous lobby crowded with people who are just as excited as she is. She’s trying to take it all in, her eyes are gobbling it all up, to remember every moment, every sound.

On the one hand, she’s never been anywhere that’s more her in all her life. The noise, the excitement, the fans practically climbing out of their skin from sheer anticipation; that is exactly how she should spend her life. Band T-shirts and the occasional snippet of excited music-related conversation made her feel she’s finally in her element; these are  her people.

On the other hand,it’s all absolutely terrifying. Rae feels uniquely exposed, as if they all can see how clueless she is. As if they all know each other, but she’s a stranger at the party and they can all tell that it’s her first time and that she’s a total poseur who just doesn’t belong.

She’d spent twenty minutes with her back to a wall, as befitting a wallflower who suddenly found herself at the cool kids’ party unprepared. She wants to go exploring, check out the merchandise booth, piled high with Stone Roses garments calling her name. She wants to make eye contact with some of the fans and maybe get into a conversation about her favorite topic. But she just has to hold the wall up, can’t just step away from it, she’s holding her personal sky from falling.

Clasping her hands in a futile attempt to get rid of the tremors, she takes a big breath and shuts her eyes, frantically trying to remind herself this is the best night of her life. They don’t know you, she repeats inwardly, they don’t know you’re not like them. She’s still trying to convince her feet to move, her body to fake confidence and walk to the merch booth, when her ears catch a bit of the conversation taking place not too far from her. “- shouldn’t have worn these dumb clothes. I should’ve put on my own shirt, like that cool girl. Look at her, she’s fucking boss”. “You look hot, though!”, says another girl, sounding apologetic. Her friend’s not having it. Her voice rises in frustration. “I look dumb and I’ve got high heels on, for fuck sake. Is the cool girl wearing high heels? No. She’s got converse on and she looks fucking perfect…” The drive-by convo moves past Rae and now she sees the pretty, leggy blond girl in a hot-pink mini dress throwing adoring looks back her way. Rae almost turns to look for the “cool girl” in question when she realizes in shock, they’re looking right at her. At Rae.

For a few seconds more, she continues to stare blindly at the spot where both girls (proper girls, girly girls, Chloe-type girls, what her mum wants her to be type-girls), had disappeared into the crowd. 

They were literally talking about her.

Rae smiles and goes exploring. 

+++

She stands in front of the merch booth and she’s close to tears again, this time in frustration at how unfair life is. Every fucking thing on that table is so bloody expensive, Rae would need to go home, get a job, work for a month and come back, and even then she could probably only afford like a key chain or something. She checks out every product anyway, trying to console herself that the designs aren’t that great, that there isn’t that much variety, that she prefers underground stuff made by fans, not corporations��� she can almost believe it. 

A bored looking sales girl asks if she can help her. Rae pretends that she’s interested in purchasing a T-shirt. And then, it happens. Of all the things that could go wrong, and really, the way this night is going, it could be anything, the one thing she never expected, was that she’d be standing by the merch table, with an impatient sales girl suggesting loudly that she get a Men’s XXL, because “They don’t make women’s shirts in your size”, and that would be the moment she runs into Finn fucking-everywhere Nelson.

[peterjakes]

My Mad Fat Diary Fanfic - Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Selfish Mutterings

Archie meets up with Finn and realises how selfish he has been. From trying to avoid Barney, the two end up together once again but Archie cracks. 

also posted on ao3; https://archiveofourown.org/works/20154688/chapters/106548834

Archie hadn’t seen Barney in almost three weeks, not that he was counting. After their last encounter, Archie wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel. Maybe Barney hadn’t remembered certain parts, they were pretty drunk and when you’re drunk, you can blackout, forget stuff. But Archie didn’t forget, he didn’t forget any of it. And that wasn’t because he was clinging onto meaningless things. No, Archie remembered them because they did actually happen. But what Barney had said at college that day, he clearly had remembered them. He even said those words out loud, even if they were only whispered. But Barney had clearly been thinking about what had happened, why would he have corned Archie if he didn’t care? He could have just ignored it, but maybe that would have been even more awkward. Maybe Archie was overthinking it all, which was something he regularly did.

Archie knew he had to clear his mind of all this Barney stuff, it was messing with his head and honestly, he didn’t want to deal with that anymore. He wanted to actually enjoy the time he had left in Lincolnshire before heading up to Durham and probably never seeing half of these people again. No, that wasn’t true. Maybe he wouldn’t speak to Izzy or Chloe. Maybe not even Rae. Or Chop. But Finn? Well, Archie couldn’t imagine his life without Finn in it. He hadn’t really spoken to Finn much in the past few weeks, too entangled in his own drama. And that wasn’t fair. Finn was always there for Archie, always. Archie had just been selfish, worrying about a boy who didn’t even like him, who didn’t even know what he wanted. It was all so stupid. It was obvious something was going on with Finn and Rae, which Archie didn’t like to see. Those two were perfect for each other, and maybe they’d have a few bumps along the way, but everything needed to work out for them. They both deserved it. Finn was never a big speaker, Archie knew that. And Archie never wanted to pry, but he hadn’t managed to get anything from Rae. She was keeping her lips firmly sealed, as was Chloe, which was very unlike her. Maybe Rae hadn’t told Chloe anything, maybe there wasn’t anything to worry about. Maybe Archie was just being extra cautious.

Archie hadn’t managed to get any more out of Finn when they met up in the park. It was a spur of the moment thing; Archie wasn’t intending of interrogating Finn, but it was nice to have something else to think of. Finn was wearing his signature leather jacket with a loose grey tee and jeans. Archie noticed how scruffy Finn looked, more so than usual. Archie couldn’t say he looked great himself, he was sure he’d worn this t-shirt yesterday, it definitely hadn’t been washed. But Archie doubted that Finn would even care.

“You alright?” Archie greeted Finn, trying to put on a brave face. It was clear to Archie that Finn wasn’t himself, and Archie could say he felt the same. But something felt odd.

“Nah, not really.” Finn was avoiding Archie, making sure not to look at him. It was as if he couldn’t face the two pairs of eyes meeting. Finn knew that the moment they looked at each other, he’d just crumble. Archie knew Finn, maybe more than anyone. Archie was one of the only people Finn could be honest with. But he was struggling with things more now, it had become harder.

“Yeah, I know how you feel.” Archie didn’t want to wallow in self-pity, and after realized how selfish he was being. But in that moment, he felt like only his problems mattered.

“S’up, Arch?” Finn moved to pull out a cigarette, lighting it and glancing over to Archie, watching him intently.

“Nothing, it’s nothing.” That was a lie, a big one. Archie knew it, and so did Finn.

Finn waited a moment before turning to Archie, head on.

“It’s her anniversary, ‘ya know.” Shit, it was. It had been 8 years since Finn’s mum had died. It wasn’t that Archie had forgotten, of course he hadn’t. But Finn didn’t grieve very publicly, not after that first year. Archie sometimes took flowers to her grave, if he was passing. Finn knew this of course, he knew Archie always bought the peonies, but they never spoke about it. Finn rarely spoke about his mum to anyone, only briefly mentioning it to Rae and Archie. Others knew but never wanted to push him. Archie didn’t either, but maybe this was why Finn was struggling. It made Archie’s struggles seem so meaningless. He still had his mum. She had seen him grow up into who he was today. And his mum was always so supportive, she tried her best. Archie couldn’t imagine life without her either.

“Doesn’t feel that long, does it? Like nothing’s changed.” He was wrong of course, so much had changed and sometimes Archie wish he could turn back the clock. Do things differently. But that was never going to happen.

“Everything ‘as, Arch.”

“I know. Have you spoke to Rae-“

“’bout me mum?” Finn questioned Archie, almost confused. He wasn’t talking about Rae, wasn’t thinking about Rae right now. It was obvious the two were having problems, but Finn didn’t want to talk about that, not right now. He wasn’t sure if he even wanted to talk about his mum. But talking to Archie, or even just spending time with him, it had always worked in the past. It had helped, in some way. Distracted him. And that’s what Finn needed.

“About anything. I thought you two were doing alright but-“

“We’re fine.” Finn answered almost at the exact time Archie had finished speaking, as if he knew exactly what Archie was going to say.

“Would Rae say the same? Look, mate, I just care about you, both of you.”

“Should start caring ‘bout ‘self ‘bit more.” That was harsh, Finn knew that, but it had to be said. It was becoming clearer and clearer than something was happening with Archie. Finn didn’t want to force anything out of him, just like he knew Archie wouldn’t do to him. But he cared about it and he wanted to help.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Feeling taken aback, Archie moved his glasses upwards.

“Come on, Arch. I’m not an idiot. Did ‘ya ever go and see someone, like ‘ya said?”

“No, I don’t…I don’t need to.”

“Right.”

Archie could tell Finn was pissed off, maybe not at him, but it did feel a bit like that. There were only a few times Archie could remember when they had argued or even disagreed. One of the more recent times was when Archie had decided to ask Rae out and then didn’t even bother to turn up. Archie was being a coward. He liked Rae, even back then, more than most people but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. He’d done it to other girls before, and every single time he was a coward. He couldn’t even tell Rae himself; making Finn do his dirty work. Finn did it, of course he did, he was his best mate. But Archie couldn’t help but feel a little bit of judgement from Finn. Archie knew now that maybe Finn just wanted Archie to be honest with himself. That was the first step.

“I’m sorry. Everything just feels so shit, but you know I’m here if you need?”

“’Course I do, bud.” Finn gave Archie a quick smile, but Archie could have sworn it was genuine.

*

The gang along with some others were hanging down the rec, the spring weather was picking up now and Archie couldn’t wait until the summer. Things just seemed much easier when the sun was blaring down at you. But being closer to the summer meant being closer to everything changing. Archie wasn’t sure if he was quite ready for that yet. He’d been so preoccupied with everything that he’d let his studies slip, only a little, but it enough for him to notice. He hated himself for that, the whole point of everything was for him to go to college, get out and make a life for himself. What was he doing?

But then again, he was only 18. He still had his whole lie ahead of him. He didn’t have to be a constant worrier. Maybe he should try to enjoy himself more. Ignoring everything that had happened over the past few months, when was the last time Archie actually enjoyed himself? Actually smiled. Was actually happy. Archie couldn’t remember. Maybe it was time for him to put himself first for once, and actually put himself first.

With this new state of mind, Archie felt much lighter. It was good to be hanging with the gang, everyone seemed to be getting on as much as they could. After his chat with Finn, he didn’t want to concern himself too much with any troubles Rae and Finn may be having. It was their relationship, not his. But they seemed better today. The two were sitting together, their legs intertwined with each other’s. They seemed to be talking about something, but it didn’t seem too deep. Rae was talking with her hands, whilst Finn watched her, smiling.

Izzy was occupied with Chloe, rambling on about some new film she’d gone to seen. Her and Chop were a little distant, but Chop hadn’t seen to notice. Smoking cigarettes with Little Al and Lizard like he didn’t have a care in the world. Chloe seemed happy, she was laughing and smiling. Her eyes lit up whenever Archie and Chloe locked eyes, he was happy to see her like this.  

One person was missing. The lads hadn’t mentioned anything about Barney, not even acknowledging his absence. Archie hadn’t even noticed at first, he was too occupied trying to focus on something else for a change. It was true that Barney didn’t always turn up, it was very often that he would agree to things but never appear. He was always such a mystery.

But he wasn’t missing today. There he was, walking towards the group slowing, with a big smile on his face.

Barney. Shit. No, not shit. It didn’t matter that Barney was there. Of course, they were bound to bump into each other at some point. Barney didn’t want to talk or think about what had happened, so why should Archie? He wasn’t going to ignore him, that would be dumb, but he wasn’t going fawn all over him either. He was over that now. He didn’t want that. Greeted by the lads, Barney gave them all a wide smile, his teeth glistening in the sunlight. Archie was still sitting down; he hadn’t rushed to say hello and that was obvious to Barney.

“’lright, there, Arch?” Barney stumbled down beside Archie, seemingly ignoring everyone else. Archie could smell the beer from his breath, he was clearly already quite drunk. Much drunker than everyone else there. Barney shifted closer to Archie as he sat, his thighs almost leaning up against the boy beside him.

Archie nodded, trying to move away from Barney as subtly as he could. But in hindsight it didn’t actually matter, considering Barney was pretty drunk. “I’m fine, fine.”

“Well, that’s good, ain’t it?” Barney smiled at Archie; his eyes all dazed. He glanced around to the rest of the group, all in their own little worlds, as if to make sure no one was watching the two. “Beer?” Motioning over to the beer bottles sitting in the middle of the grass, Barney moved over to grab them before Archie could even answer.

“Er, yeah. Sure you should have one? You reek, Barney.” Taking a beer from Barney’s shaking hand, Archie couldn’t help but feel some concern for Barney. He didn’t hate him, far from that, he was worried about him. Regardless of what had happened.

“’t’s fine, stop fussing, Archie.” Barney tried to playfully push Archie off but ended up falling back himself. Archie couldn’t help but smile; Barney making a fool of himself is exactly what Archie needed right now. Archie watched Barney for a moment, before pulling him back up to reality.

“Fine, fine.” Archie nodded, wanting some normality between the two, although he knew it was unlikely that he was going to get it.

Barney seemed to ignore this comment, and just babbled on about pointless shit for the next 10 minutes. He did love the sound of his own voice, Archie understood that at least. And any other time, Archie would have hung onto every word that escaped Barney’s mouth. But not today.

It wasn’t until around 5 minutes later that Barney suddenly stopped look directly at Archie. He looked the way he looked when they kissed those few weeks ago at the party. Archie wasn’t sure whether Barney would do that again. He was drunk but everyone else was around, Barney wouldn’t risk it.

“We should go for a walk, stretch me legs, eh?” Before Archie could even contemplate an answer, Barney had pulled him up and started to walk away from the rest of their friends. He started rambling on about some funny story he thought Archie would like, but Archie wasn’t listening, not really. He wasn’t thinking about the story, but how angry he was getting. How hurt he really was. And how Barney didn’t even seem to know what he’d done.

Barney was acting normal, as it nothing had happened. It was starting to get pretty annoying. Archie hadn’t wanted to mention it, but keeping it hidden wasn’t going to help anyone. Archie was going to crack.

Crack.

All of a sudden, Barney had fallen to the ground. Archie was getting tired of this. Tired of being his helper, tired of tiptoeing around him. Enough was enough.

“Fuck, Archie…” Putting his hands out for Archie to pull him up, Barney smiled at him, as he was expecting Archie to fall down and do exactly what he wanted. But that wasn’t going to happen. Archie watched Barney struggle until he managed to pull himself up without Archie’s help.

“You can’t mess me about, Barney. It’s not fair. You don’t get what it’s like for me! It’s been … it’s been fucking hard, ‘lright? Guys like you, you just …you don’t know the effect you can have.” Archie tried his best to not raise his voice but he just couldn’t help it. He was angry now. It just wasn’t fair.

“Mate!” Barney seemed confused, which only made Archie more annoyed. Why wasn’t he getting it? Why did he think this was all OK?

“You can’t just… do the things you do and say the things you say!” The desperation was seeping through Archie’s voice, he just couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted Barney to at least understand. Archie couldn’t keep it all bottled up, not now.

“Mate, I get it, ‘lright? I do. ‘m sorry. Didn’t mean to ‘urt you, you’re a mate.”

“A mate? Right. Mates. You shouldn’t keep kissing a mate and then decide you don’t like it. That’s not on. I already get enough shit from people” Archie was angry, really angry. There’s only been a few standout moments in Archie’s life when he felt like he was going to explode. “I don’t need you making me look like an idiot.” Archie said calmly, but still making sure to Barney that he didn’t want to be messed about anymore and he wasn’t going to take it sitting down.

“You’re not an idiot, Arch. I… ‘m sorry. Real sorry. Fucked up, didn’t I? Forgive me? Please, Arch.” It had finally come, Barney had finally realized or at least started to understand what was happening. Barney tugged on Archie’s arm, hard, as if he didn’t want to ever let go. His eyes were wide, and he mind seem to be working quickly. But that didn’t matter. Archie had said what he’d wanted to say and there nothing else to be done.

“I think I need to go home. I’ll see ‘ya around Barney.”

[twatdealerfromdalehead]

HI EVERYONE

Hello to all of the amazing people who follow this blog.

I just wanted to apologize for not finishing my stories as of 9/17/2020. I AM FINISHING THEM. I have Fall almost done, and I’m so excited to finish it, it’s just taking me sooooo long because of school and Life, am I right?? I’m over 150 pages for Fall, and I swear I’m almost done.

I’m also working on Finn’s POV from Fall. Not sure why, but I was so interested in how it would be from his perspective. And TBH, I am SO HAPPY with this I’m already to 40 pages in Word for the story. I may do it as a chaptered fic, but it really gives me a Oneshot vibes. I will decide at the end of writing the story.

I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF MY FOLLOWERS. I never made this blog for the the follow count, I just really wanted to share my writing with everyone. I hope anyone who is still following is doing okay during these trying times.

I LOVE ALL OF YOU.

And as always, BLACK LIVES MATTER AND ALWAYS HAVE.

REGISTER TO VOTE AND GET TRUMP OUT OF OFFICE. Your voice is important, and this is literally one of the most important elections of modern U.S. history.

Be responsible and VOTE, VOTE, VOTE. 

[mmfdfanfic]

MMFD Fanfic Round-Up March-April-May 2018

Yikes! Sorry, gang, I’ve been alternately busy, sick, traveling, reading books for my goodreads challenge, ETC and time just slipped right away! 

Thanks so much to all the writers for continuing to tag me; it’s made this a LOT easier to catch up with. I promise to try not to let it get away from me again, but we all know it might happen. My intentions are good, I swear!

As ever and always, PLEASE let me know if I’ve missed any fics. I’ve checked all the usual tags, and I think I’ve included everything I’ve been tagged IN, but since this is a larger time-frame than usual, it’s likely that something has fallen through the cracks. 

Happy reading, fan-dem!

* * * * *

@believethaticanandiwill -- I Won’t Let Anybody Hurt You - I Wouldn’t Change a Thing About You - Stay Here Tonight - Ecstatic - Eight Months - Eight Months + 4

@commonpeople-fic -- Common People Ch. 6 Pt. 2

@finn-nelson-for-the-win -- Drabble Challenge Prompt - New Beginnings

@kneekeyta -- Found in the Dark - Nightmare Neighbors - Professor - The Sub Pt. 2 - Pt. 3 - Ditched - Want It in the Dark

@lily-pop-2 -- Worlds Apart Pt. 13 - Pt. 14 - Pt. 15 - Pt. 16 & 17

@lurkernolonger -- Alone Together

@my-mad-fatuation -- Kinda Sorta Famous Ch. 1 - Ch. 2 - Ch. 3 - Ch. 4 - So F-ing Famous Ch. 1 - Ch. 2 - Ch. 3 - Ch. 4 - Killing Time Ch. 1 - Ch. 2

@rinnship -- Whisk Me Away (Final) - Number Prompt - Since You’ve Been Gone - Waiting for that Feeling

@rockinthebeastmode -- A Friendly Fumble - Go to Sleep - Dirty Little Secret Pt. 4

ELSEWHERE: Queenie_004 has graced AO3 with some wonderful gems, go check them out! Push - Kiss Me Blind - The Words I Never Got To Say - How Fast the Night Changes - We See Things They’ll Never See - My Luck Could Change - Hanging By a Moment

[finn-nelson-for-the-win]

Currently rewatching MMFD start to finish for the umpteenth time and I forgot how much I love it.

[flirtmcgirt]

Me thinking about how I just blew up my old MMFD blog during an episode. :(. Not that we needed my ranting preserved for all time, but I regret losing all my fics I wrote. I worked hard and was proud of them. They gave me purpose during a hard period of my life. Oh well! It can’t be undone.

[c-rankin93]

She’s No You - Ch 18 part 2

@luly310 @lily-pop-2 @mallyallyandra @hey1tskat1e @tinakegg @eveerez @mmfdfanfic @lurkernolonger @l88cym @arathewallflower @i-dream-of-emus @milymargot @milllott

Part two...

—-

Ruby and Joshua were the first to find out about our engagement with my mom a close second. I mean I didn't know she was was ears dropping from the other side of the bedroom door, well not until she burst through the door screaming in excitement.

It was a bit awkward when josh asked about Olivia and Gregory, but Finn did a great job at explaining they were no longer in the picture when he saw me awkwardly gawking at them. Ruby was happy that she no longer had to deal with Olivia anymore, and so was I.

Mom didn't give me a chance to tell Karim, Roberto, Mark and Julian. She was on the phone the minute she found out, but they all called us to say congratulations.

We were currently on our way to Finn's parents house where all his siblings were now gathered to welcome home his sister Mika from Oxford, and apparently Finn was in for the shock of his life according to Archie.

We still hadn't told them about our engagement but Finn told me that he informed them a few weeks ago that we were together again. He also said it was a struggled to keep his mom away but after explaining to her that I was still recovering she understood. This would be the first time seeing them in over 2 years, I was more then nervous.

"Babe, don't stress they are excited to see you" Finn spoke next to me. I was currently looking out the window, whilst Finn drove and the kids watched a movie in the back seat.

Sighing I turned to face him, "But after everything that has happened..."

"Rae, I've already told them what happened. They don't blame you, nobody blames you for leaving me. You reacted like any normal would. If anyone was at fault, it would be me. I should of realised what was going on, and what she was doing."

"Don't even go there Finn" I berated just as we pulled up to his parents house. "You did nothing wro-"

"LOOK MUMMY! UNCLE ARCHIE!" Ruby interrupted pointing frantically at Archie as he walked towards the car.

Finn leaned over a kissed my lips softly, "we'll talk about it later babe."

I got ruby out of her car seat whilst Finn grabbed Joshua. Archie came over and kissed my cheek, it was good to see him more. I never realised how much I actually missed him until I had him back in my life. That reminds me, I really need to get Chloe and Izzy around for a coffee and a catch up soon.

"Why do you look like someone kicked your cat?"

"I do not!" Archie quipped.

"Oh really? So why the long face?" Finn replied.

"Because I'm afraid of blood."

"Who's bleeding!" I frantically started checking the kids faces. Luckily both were clean.

"Nobody... Yet" Archie grimmest.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about then!"

"In about one minute a very excited Mika is going to run out here to greet her big brother. Thats when your going to discover a very big, very round-"

"FIIIIIIIIIIIN! OH MY GOD! FIINN!"

The moment Mika made her way towards us I knew what Archie was talking about. My eyes couldn't help but look to Finn, who stood stiffly at my side. His skin was a little flush, but the moment I saw the glare Finn was giving his sister I knew he was not happy.

I admired the women's confidence, she didn't even bat an eyelid at Finn's borderline hostile behaviour. She just elegantly pranced towards him with her arms wide open, showing off her very large, round-

"Oh Finn! I'm so excite to see you! It's been really two years, oh my freaking god! And Rae, oh my god I'm so happy to see you again, you look radiating!" Mika kissed my cheek then returned to hugging her big brother again.

Did I meant they were close? No? Well the Mika I knew idolised her brother, he was her knight in shining armour. He loved her just as much, being his youngest sister. She had been a sister to me as well, I lost count at the number of Disney marathons we had. Even into my late 20's.

"What the hell do you call that?" Finn said grabbing her shoulders.

"What do you mean?"

There's one thing you should know about Finn. He had always been very overprotective of his little sister, to the point of breaking her ex-boyfriends nose for trying to hug Mika after a date. Mind you, Finn and I were also on a date as well and had to leave the restaurant early just to make sure she was returned before curfew.

"I mean what the fuck do you call that!"

Finn pointed towards the very round, and very large rock nestled on her ring finger. He snatched up her left hand and inspected the diamond mega-stone, it looked like it cost more then my yearly salary.

"Well you see Finn" she tried pulling her hand out of Finn's grip, "I met a man in England. A lovely, kind man. Who I love dearly! He's a surgeon! Oh and did I tell you he's related to the Queen! Please Finn I was going to tell you sooner but I didn't know how! Please don't hurt him! I love him!"

Mika looked stressed out of her mind, like she had totally forgot about how Finn would react when he saw it. She had been away from her big brother too long.

"Darling?"

A tall man spoke as he joined Mika's side. He was quite handsome. Blonde hair, defined jawline, and immaculately dressed may I add. He oozed confidence, much like his fiancé. He didn't even look fazed by Finn who still had a face like thunder.

"Harrison!" Mika squeaked. She looked surprised to see him standing next to her all of a sudden. "I'm just saying hello to my brother. Finn this is Harrison, Harrison this is my eldest brother Finn." I could see her trying her best to calm her nerves during the introduction. I smiled at her recovery.

"Nice to meet you Finn" Harrison greeted sticking his hand out for Finn to shake.

Reluctantly Finn shook the mans hand. "You Too Harrison."

Mika managed to drag Harrison away after a short, very awkward conversation that Archie dominated. I walked up to Finn wrapping my arms around his neck, taking a moment to admire my own engagement ring. Archie had taken the kids inside knowing that Finn needed a moment.

"I can't believe she's getting married." Was all he said before burying his head into the crook of my neck.

"She was bound to one day."

"But why did it have to be now! This was our moment!" Finn sounded like a wounded child and i couldn't help but laugh.

"We've already had that moment Finn when we got engaged the first time. We're still going to tell them tonight, we have to. They will see the ring on my finger. You can see how much she adores Harrison. She'll be alright."

"He's such a pretty boy though!"

"Come on Finn, we need to go inside. I'm pretty sure your mom is watching us from her bedroom window" I chuckled.

"My whole family is crazy. Come on before she comes out here and drags us in."

"I think it's already to late." I said when once again the front door flew open. I think was going to need to be put on heart medication before the visit is over.

The end...

[madfatty]

the space between - an mmfd fic #22

We find ourselves once again, standing on the front step of 18 Elm Park Road, Stamford, with a six pack of Breezers under our arm and swiping lip gloss from our teeth one last time. This one goes off-script which is not my usual way of doing things at all, but we do end up at the same place eventually, I’ve just chosen an alternate, and some might say arduous, road to get there. I couldn’t sustain the fluff levels of the last one but hopefully you’ll find one or two things to smile at. It’s me though, so you might have to work for them. ;)

I should warn you that my Fizzy love got the better of me and while this is indeed, as they all are and will ever be, about Rae and Finn, this is pretty much a blatant, bold-faced love letter to our Miss Izzy. Chloe however, does not fare as well. I hope you’re okay with that.

I’ve quoted big Willy Shakespeare in this one, again, not my usual way of doing things but, you know, go with it if you can.

The title comes from the Dave Matthews Band song of the same name from the Everyday album. I think I may have used it before for something I wrote in a different fandom, proving that my laziness goes to the bone.

Once again and always, big massive ugly love to @how-ardently because she deserves it, and after my behaviour on this one, wads of stress money, quite frankly.  Writing this has revealed to me something about myself that Erin must have known for ages now; I’m a huge drama queen. I have apologised profusely. How on earth do people write whole books?

Anyway, onwards and inwards (that one’s from the skinny one who plays Marnie in Girls.) Thanks for playing.

the space between

The pervading ooze of over-excited teenagers, spliff, nicotine and booze hangs in a dense low cloud just below the ceiling of all the downstairs rooms, lingers at the bottom of the stairs. It’s so thick she can taste it. She doesn’t know if it’s made its way upstairs but she can wait to find out. She can’t go back up there. Too afraid of who and what she’ll find. Embarrassed and confused, she couldn’t bring herself to go back to her room with all the others in there, scared they’d take the piss; her and Finn, what a joke. So she’d spent the rest of the night wandering aimlessly from room to room, a ghost at the feast. Everywhere there are groups of people she’s never met before, laughing and talking and totally unaware of her existence. It may be her house, but she feels like the intruder.

Even with her friends, she feels separate and strange. Something’s got hold of her tonight, something worrying and familiar and she can’t get past it. Danny’s in the dining room, chatting up Anna and making friends. Archie’s in the front room with Barney and Lizard. Archie’s been a bit besotted since Barney kissed him and they’ve been circling one another, using Lizard as a buffer. Still, Archie looks hopeful. Chop’s been pretty quiet since Izzy kissed him, he hasn’t really spoken to anyone for a while, and now he’s lying in front of the sideboard wrapped in Christmas lights, staring soulfully into space.

She’s not seen Izzy. Or Chloe. Or Finn. Maybe they’re upstairs. Maybe they’ve gone home. She hopes so.

Her act of teenage rebellion has worn her out. It’s late and there are too many people left in her tiny house. She has an overwhelming urge to stand at the front door and call “Time please,” and have them all shuffle out in a quiet and orderly line. Instead she resentfully gathers up all the glasses she can find and heads to the kitchen.

She needs tea and for everyone else to go home. She just wants her house back. She moves about the kitchen mechanically, filling the kettle and then the sink, dumping the dirty glasses into the steaming hot water. She rummages around in the back of the cupboard, pulling her favourite mug from its hiding place and settling in to wait for the kettle to boil.

She catches herself rearranging the fixings - tea, sugar, milk, spoon – in order of size, of application, of expiration date over and over on the worktop. She makes herself look out the window – are they… are those people fucking in her driveway? That’s all she needs, Mrs Dewhurst running over with a bucket of cold water and a policeman by the scruff of the neck with a full written report back to her mother about debauched goings-on in her absence.

She breathes deeply and lowers her hands into the scalding hot water, hissing in satisfaction and relief.

+++++

She hadn’t meant to, but with too many Breezers in her system and all the crying she’d done with Finn and the eternal frustration that was Chop, Izzy had passed out. Spin the bottle had been a complete waste of time, it hadn’t landed on her once and she didn’t want to think about what it meant that Chop was doing the spinning.  Even at the end, when he’d finally kissed her and she showed him up, like he’d done to her at Rutlands, she hadn’t felt vindicated. She just felt lonely and confused. The sourness of the whole evening sits like acid in her belly.

She comes awake slowly, to some kind of noise. Her eyes are gummed shut and her tongue is thick with the sugar from the alcopops but there is definitely a noise. Her first thought is that Finn is crying again. He’d moved to the floor from the bed and fallen asleep on the beanbag. Izzy croaks his name. The noise gets louder; it’s wet and breathy, there’s a groan and it’s making her uncomfortable. Izzy finally prises her eyes open and she squints into the gloom.

The curtains are open and the combination of moonlight and streetlight lend themselves to Izzy being able to make him out lying not far from the edge of the bed. Finn’s shadow looks bigger than it should be. She calls again and she notices the shadow’s moving. There’s a girl, snaked around him, pinning him down. She’s got a handful of his hair, holding him still, her jaw working at his throat. His fingers are flexing at her hip, hitching her dress up high enough to reveal a skimpy pair of knickers. Izzy recognises the dress, if not the knickers.

She watches, horrified, as Chloe trails her other hand over the bare skin of his ribs down to boldly squeeze his cock over his jeans. Finn groans again.

“Oi! I’m in the bloody room, if you don’t mind!” Izzy yells and reaches to switch on the bedside lamp. Her voice sounds excessively loud in the dark and all three of them wince against the volume and the sudden brightness of the light. She’s even less happy now she can see them.

Finn’s discarded t shirt is pooled in a ball on the floor. His lips are swollen and Chloe’s mascara has smudged, the zipper of her dress is open all the way down to her navel. Finn tries to pull the edges of the dress closed before doing up his own fly. There’s no hiding the fact he’s hard.  

“Sorry, Iz.” Finn mumbles into his lap. Embarrassed, he sits up quickly, having to push Chloe off of him to do so. Chloe rolls away, pissed off.  

“I should bloody think so.”

He looks guiltily at Chloe and regretfully at Izzy. “Yeah. I’m gonna go…”

“Good idea,” Izzy grumps and watches him as he hastily heads for the door, hands over his crotch, his shirt forgotten. She turns her steely gaze on Chloe when he’s gone.

Chloe lounges back on her elbows, looking defiant and unrepentant. “Ta very much for that, Izzy. What do you think you were you playing at?”

“What was I playing at?”

“Finn’s a big boy Iz; he can do what he wants.”

“What he wants Chlo, or what you want?”

Chloe doesn’t answer. With a shimmy of her hips, she pulls her dress down to its proper length, such as it is, and pulls the zipper back up almost to where it started out the night. With a roll of her eyes she picks up Finn’s discarded t shirt and follows him out the door.

++++

She’s focused on the hypnotic slow-building bubble and hiss of the kettle working its way to the boil, so Rae doesn’t hear him coming.

“Hey,” he says to her back and his voice makes her jump, brings her back into the room where the radio’s on low and the sink is only half full.  She recovers quickly though, and without looking up from her reddened hands she offers him a quiet “hey.”  

She wants to look up. She wants to smile widely at him and ask about his night but she can’t. She regrets listening to Danny at all, because, surely there comes a point where the person you’re pushing away gets fed up and moves on?

And it is so hard to maintain. What is so bad about smiling when he smiles?  It’s not an admission of anything deeper if she’s nice to him, she doesn’t lose anything by being kind. So she resolves to be both those things, promises herself to be friendlier - until she sees him or hears his voice, there’s a visceral, kneejerk response, overriding her heart and her head and all her good intentions. All her resolutions dissolve and she’s back to spiteful and ungracious. She doesn’t know if it’s still Danny’s voice she can hear or her own fear that’s driving it. No matter how much she wants to let all the bullshit go, she can’t bring herself to just let it be and let it happen. As in all things, she is her own worst enemy.

She keeps her eyes lowered as she feels him walking up behind her. She hears him pick up one of the glasses she must have washed from the draining board. He crowds her, his bare arm cutting across her vision as he reaches for the tap and her reaction is to shy away from him. She closes her eyes and counts under her breath to the sound of the sudden rush of running water filling the glass.  

“What are you doing?” he asks, his voice becoming an echo as he takes a mouthful. It’s a harmless, silly question that shouldn’t bother her but it’s exactly the sort of thing that feeds her anger.

“Retiling the bathroom, obviously,” she spits, violently rolling her eyes.

“You don’t need to do that now. We’re going to clean up in the morning.”

“Oh, I hadn’t realised you were in charge.”

“We all decided last night that we’re staying, we wouldn’t leave you to clear up on your own. You’d have known that if you’d stuck around a little longer.” He mumbles into the rim of the glass as he takes another sip.  He doesn’t bother to hide the bitter edge to his voice. So, he’s still pissed at her. She can’t really blame him, she supposes, but fuck if it doesn’t get her back up.

“No-one asked for your help, Finn.  I can manage on my own.” She huffs, unable to stop herself.

“Jesus, Rae. I apologised for being a dick. I’m trying really hard, but every little thing still gets turned into an argument. Why is it still like this? Tell me how to fix it.” There’s something sitting along-side the usual annoyed tone he uses when he speaks to her. It’s that same slightly bewildered, slightly hurt voice he’d used in the cupboard earlier. The one that had her doubting the wisdom of heeding Danny’s dating advice, the one that made her momentarily brave enough to hazard a tentative statement of her own.

It’s the one that makes her soften now.  What real harm can it do to be gentler with him?

Rae finally turns to face him, trying to fasten a smile to her lips, something warmer than she’s ever shown him before. He’s not his usual immaculately turned-out self. In fact, he’s decidedly rumpled. His overly fussed-over hair is sticking out at the back. He’s red eyed and red nosed and quiet. There’s an angry bruise beginning to purple the tender skin of his throat and a flaking smear of lip gloss rings his mouth and his normally pale skin is flushed; his face, his neck his chest, his… oh.

He’s not wearing a shirt.

He’s been fucking someone.

In her house.

Someone that isn’t her.

Fuck Danny Two Hats and his stupid advice and fuck her for ever listening to him. And double fuck Finn Nelson for fucking someone who isn’t her in her own house and flaunting it under her nose. She’s a little heartbroken and more than a little pissed off. She pushes down the heartbreak and focuses on the anger.

“Vampires, was it? Lose your shirt in the scuffle?” In her house. Which vampire? She can’t let herself think about it now. She can torture herself with those thoughts later.  She needs for him to leave.

“What?”

She waves her hand in the general vicinity of his throat. He pokes experimentally at his neck and winces when he grazes over the bruise. He has the good grace to look embarrassed.

“Put a shirt on, would you? You’ll have someone’s eye out.” She barks and he immediately folds his arms self-consciously. It only serves to piss her off more. He’s obviously not shy if he’s going to fuck someone who isn’t her in her house. What on earth has he got to be bashful about?

“You can talk.” he mumbles. Even before he’s finished speaking, his eyes and mouth go wide, gaping, his face is incandescent.

They’re talking about bodies. Rae doesn’t talk about bodies, especially her own. She feels that if she doesn’t draw attention to it, then maybe no one will notice she has one. Rae’s own blush seeps into her hairline. She tries to turn it back around on him.

“I’m not the one who’s half naked.”

“Like that would matter.” He thinks he must be having an aneurysm.  Where is this shit coming from? He’s spent most of his life like Silent Sam, couldn’t offer most people a complete sentence if they threatened him at gunpoint and now it seems he’s got lots to say about Rae’s tits. It’s like he can’t help himself. “I… I…” he stammers.

“Seriously, put your nipples away. And wipe your face.” She throws the tea towel that’s draped over her shoulder at him. He snatches it up quickly and ties it round his neck so it hangs like a bib down the front of him, swiping at his face with the bottom of it. He looks ridiculous. He looks like a confused little kid, trying to play at superheroes but not quite sure how the costume’s meant to go. It doesn’t help that there’s a cartoon giraffe eating cake with a monkey on it either.

“Thanks,” He smiles up at her. It’s small and grateful and she marvels at how easily he lets go of the anger. How eager he is for everything to be okay.

“Can I have one of those?” he asks, pointing at the forgotten tea things on the worktop. Just a second ago, she wasn’t anywhere near finished being angry with him, but she’s hit by a sudden wave of fatigue and just like that, she decides to let it go. She does, however, make a very big show of being put upon as she flicks the kettle back on and gets out another mug.

They are a collection of nervous tics in the silence that follows; a therapist’s wet dream.  Both of them a compilation of biting cuticles, tapping fingers and tuneless humming. There are furtive looks at each other and much fidgeting with clothing. She’s anchored herself to the sink with a death grip. He’s hovering at a radius of four feet. It makes her feel claustrophobic.

“No point standing around.” She says finally. A little too loud. “You may as well sit.” She gestures to the breakfast bar at the other end of the kitchen.

“Are you going to…?”

“I have to be hostess…” she waves her hand at the kettle.

“Then it’s okay. I’m good here.” He says and leans back against the counter, randomly picks up the teaspoon from the bench. “Good party?” He asks, fiddling with the spoon.

“The house is still standing and no one called the cops so… I guess not.” It’s more a smirk than a smile, but it’s better than nothing.

“Did I hear right, that those three twats turned up?”

“You’re going to have to be more specific.”

“From Friday.”

Friday. She’d wanted to forget all about last Friday. Her tantrum and the dragging ache in her belly and the tidal wave of blood in her knickers and those fuckers catching her outside the chippy, but if she erased all that, she’d have to forget about how Finn had stepped in and stopped it and that was something she would never forget. She’d never seen anyone so angry. She watched the internal battle, the deliberate way he calmed himself. Watched the anger drain from his face, his body still tense, his fists still clenched but his voice almost normal when he asked if she was alright.

“Oh. Yeah.” she mutters. “Those guys.”

“Why didn’t you come get me?” he murmurs, and the hurt on his face stops her short. It feels like an accusation. The truth was he hadn’t even been one of her first ten thoughts. She was frozen in the moment and couldn’t think past getting them away from the house.

“There was no need. Danny had it sorted.” She finally stumbles out.

“Danny?”

“Yeah, Danny.”

“Oh. Right.” There’s an awkward moment of silence that follows, where he looks like he wants to say something but doesn’t know how to start. There have been a lot of moments like that lately and he’s never once said anything, so she’s not really expecting it when he does. “Rae, about last Friday…”

There’s a hollowness shading his big dark eyes and the set of his full wide mouth.

“What about it?” – please don’t ask me what they were saying please don’t ask me why I didn’t stand up for myself please please please.

She knew he’d heard them, he must have.

She’d been so careful to keep it all separate, the constant exhausting battle to hide her real life from her new friends, but now he’d seen it first-hand. She was able to pretend that it didn’t exist in front of the gang. If she was loud enough, if she was funny enough, she could distract them from the truth. She could hide the way she looked if she could hide the way other people treated her, but now he’d heard the ugly words used to describe her and now the ugly thoughts would fill his head; the blinders had come off and he would see her the way the rest of the world did and it would only be a matter of time until he let the others know. How could he not see her through their eyes now that the spell had been broken?

But then he’d done something so totally unexpected; he came to her rescue.

“I’m sorry you saw me like that. I don’t want you to think that I’m like that all the time. It’s just, I couldn’t let them… it weren’t right. I’m sorry if I frightened you.”

It had been a long time since he’d hit anyone. He’d come to learn, thanks to his dad and old George down at the gym that fighting was not the way to solve his problems. But when he’d seen her cornered by those bastards, he couldn’t help it. The look on her face had unsettled him. She’d been full of fire in the chippy, fierce and afraid of no one. She’d been something to behold, and then…

He hadn’t understood fully at the time what it meant, he only knew that whatever it was that had done that to her, he wanted to hurt it.

“You didn’t frighten me. Like I said, no one’s ever stood up for me before. I was surprised is all, that it was you.” Rae whispers.

He relaxes a little at that. Some of the tension visibly drops from his shoulders.

“Look,” he starts. His voice is low, and he has her full attention. “What you said in the cupboard, I don’t know what I’ve done… but we are friends, Rae. Well, I’m your friend. I’m always gonna stick up for you.”

It startles her when he pushes off from the counter, straight for her, and she steps aside hurriedly. He drops his empty glass into the cooling washing up water. “Now that you’ve got your head out of your arse. Mostly.” He murmurs over his shoulder as he returns to his spot leaning back against worktop.

Rae blinks rapidly, working her way through what he’s just said, then chokes back a laugh.

“Excuse me?” She reaches forward and flicks at his makeshift backwards cape. “You and your novelty tea towel can fuck off any time you like.” The fact that she’s smiling is a huge relief to him.

“Can’t. I’ve got tea coming.” He says, grinning madly. “Okay, so maybe I had my head up my arse a little bit too. Can we call a truce? Please?”

“Do I have to be nice to you?”

“Well,” he draws the word out. “Some of the time, at least. Birthdays and Christmas. ”

She screws her face up in pained deliberation and he takes great delight in mirroring her expression. “I guess so.” She says dryly.

He looks way too pleased with himself.

“Rae…” Finn starts, his smile beginning to wane.The kettle whistles for a second time.

Before he can finish the thought, Chloe emerges from the hallway. Rae feels every inch of the night hang heavy on her, stale and lank and grimy and Chloe steps into the light like she should be giving lessons in how to be a girl.

The second skin of her yellow dress hugs her gently around her hips, skims the flatness of her belly, and the smooth arc of her arse, its hem hitting her mid-thigh, highlighting the long expanse of well-toned, leg. Her zipper has artfully slipped to reveal the lace edge of her bra and curve of her breasts sitting high and firm above it. Her hair shimmers in the harsh light as does the perfectly applied lip gloss that matches the shade that still clings to the corners of Finn’s mouth.

Oh.

Rae feels all the air leave her body. Chloe arranges herself at Finn’s side, her hip jutting into his. He tenses and slides along the counter away from her, towards Rae who takes a step back herself.  She pours all her attention into pouring tea.

“So this is where you got to. You forgot your shirt.” The shirt hangs from Chloe’s fingers between them like a challenge. “Though this is cute,” she smirks, her fingers tapping on his chest, “you should probably put it on,” she stage-whispers, her eyes raking over him appreciatively. “Rae’s not used to half-naked men, are you babe?”

“Thanks,” he mutters, taking the shirt and hastily slipping it over his head. He pulls the tea towel out from under it and twists it between nervous hands.

“We’re talking. Rae and me. Rae’s making tea.” He murmurs, deliberately moving away from the spot Chloe seems keen to pin him to. He remembers the spoon he’s been fidgeting with and offers it to Rae with a broad smile, an act of solidarity between them.

“Tea and a chat.  Not exactly E’s and Whizz now, is it?  I think it’s safe to say, our Rae’s no party girl.” Chloe turns to offer Rae a half smile. “God, you look done in, babe. Do you feel alright?”

With just a handful of words, Chloe reminds Rae of her place. All tonight’s anxieties are amplified. Deflated, Rae leaves the tea half done and moves towards the door.

“Actually Chlo, I’m not feeling the best. I’m going to turn in. You’re right to finish this, yeah Finn? Night.”

“Night babe,” Chloe purrs.

“Rae.” Finn calls after her.

“Night.” She calls back as she trudges through the toxic teenage haze on her way upstairs.

+++

She thought she wanted to be alone but when she’s sees Izzy lying on the bed, flicking through one of her romance novels, she’s glad for the company. Izzy looks up and smiles that warm Izzy smile and waves the book in front of her.

“This is well hot. Can I borrow it?” and she carefully dog-ears the page she was reading and sits up, putting the book aside. “So how are you gorgeous? How’s your night been?”

Difficult. Anxious. Disappointing. The boy I like likes someone else and I’m tired and sad.  She doesn’t say any of it. What purpose would it serve? Instead, she takes a deep breath and slips on the mask for one more performance.

“It’s definitely been a night.” She rolls her eyes dramatically. “You should see the mess downstairs. I’m not looking forward to that.”

“There’s plenty of time tomorrow. We’ll give you a hand, it’s already arranged…” Izzy chirps, waving her hand dismissively.

“So Finn said. That’s really nice of you all.”

“Pfft, nice. Of course we’re going to help. It’s what mates do.” Izzy shifts along the bed to make room for Rae.

“And what about you, Madam? How’d you fare?”

“I could use a cuddle,” Izzy whines, throwing her arms wide. “Know where I can get one?”

“I just might know someone.” Rae grins as she sits down next to Izzy and pulls her into a hug. “This isn’t ‘cause that book’s got you all revved up, is it?” she deadpans, pulling away to look Izzy in the face.

“You wish.”

“Pity,” Rae sighs, and they collapse against each other in a fit of giggles.

“You know what I really need? I need to play with someone’s hair. Lie down here for me Rae.” Izzy orders, patting her outstretched legs.

“Nah, thanks Izzy, I’m good.” It’s not an easy thing for Rae, to be touched. For such a long time it was a cruel thing, so she learned to avoid it.  And now to be touched with such care, and so often, by these people who have taken her in is overwhelming. She can only handle it in small doses.

“Don’t ‘nah, Izzy’ me, Rae Earl. I’m a guest, you can’t say no to me.”

“Are you sure that book didn’t give you any  ideas?”

“Oh, shut up and lie down.” Izzy bosses, as she takes Rae by the shoulders and guides her down to settle in her lap.

“You know if this gets pervy, Chop’ll want to watch.” Her joke earns her a light smack on the arm and a small huff of laughter that doesn’t go all the way to Izzy’s eyes. Rae can’t help think of Chop in his deep meditative state downstairs.

All Rae’s worries about crushing the tiny redhead vanish when Izzy’s slight fingers card slowly through her hair. Her muscles loosen and the anxiety falls away under Izzy’s soothing touch. It feels good. Rae remembers a better time, when she was little and her mum would hold her in her lap and stroke her hair. There’s a sudden pang in her chest and however pissed off she is with her for lying about her dad, she misses her mum.

“You have such pretty hair, Rae.” Izzy murmurs, wistfully. She seems to be enjoying the process almost as much as Rae, but there’s a far off look in her eyes, a soft melancholy that flattens her usual shine.

You sure you’re okay, Iz?” Rae rolls forward and props herself up on her elbows so she can look Izzy in the eye.  

“Hmmm? Yeah. Just thinking about stuff.” She curls her palm around Rae’s shoulder. “Did Finn tell you? His Nan died.”

“What? No. He never said a word.”

“She’d been sick for a while. Finn and Mr Nelson were convinced she’d get better, she had before, so they just thought… but she took a turn for the worse tonight and like that, she was gone.” Izzy’s voice is thick with unshed tears.  “It was very fast in the end but he feels bad he wasn’t there.” She swallows hard and sniffles.

“It was awful. I wanted to take him home but his dad was stuck at the hospital and Finn didn’t want to be by himself. I told him I’d stay with him but he didn’t want to go.  I hope you don’t mind, we grabbed some beers and came up here to hide out. He was so sad. We cried for a bit and then we both got a little drunk and we cried some more, then I put him to bed and we fell asleep.”

“Poor Finn.” Rae says, her own eyes wet. He’s been going through all that, probably for as long as she’s known him and she’d been too caught up in her own stupid feelings to notice.

“When I woke up, Chloe was all over him.” Izzy says it quietly, but the sadness in her tone is replaced with steel.

“Izzy!”

“It’s true, Rae.”

“That doesn’t matter. You shouldn’t be telling me this. It’s none of my business.” If she were a better person, her reasons for not wanting to know what happened would be because it was none of her business but that’s not the reason and it’s one more thing she can torture herself with later.

“But it does. He’s her friend and she… it’s not right.”

“If it’s what they want…” It’s not how she really feels though. She feels sick. Yet again she loses out to Chloe and it just isn’t fair. Is there nothing that Rae wants that Chloe can’t have?

“That’s the thing, Rae. It’s not. Everyone knows that Finn…” Izzy stops abruptly, as if she’s said too much.

“Everyone knows that Finn what? I know fuck-all about Finn, other than he’d rather I wasn’t around.”

Rae knows that’s bullshit even before she’s finished saying it. It might have been true at one point in the very beginning, but not now. He keeps talking about them being friends and he must mean it if he keeps saying it. But, it was hard enough when she’d decided she’d like more than that, and now she knows that he’s been with Chloe, that he wants Chloe, she can’t stop the negative thoughts. If he and Chloe are going to be together then it might be easier if they weren’t friends. Rae doesn’t think she has that much pretend left in her.

“Don’t be thick, Rae. It really doesn’t suit you.” There’s a tick of annoyance in Izzy’s tone that she quickly reins in. She takes a breath. “Look, he’s sad and his heart hurts and he’s drunk and she took advantage. I’m just looking after him, like he would me.” She pulls Rae back down into her lap and continues to brush her fingers through her hair.

“He’s such a good person Rae. He’s kind and he’s sweet and he cares. I know you two got off on the wrong foot but he’s lovely Rae, if you’ll just give him the chance.”

“The two of you are close, I get that Iz, but it’s not the same thing for him and me. I don’t think it could be.” Rae protests gently.

“I admit he’s said some daft boy things and I’ve wanted to clip him ‘round the earhole a couple of times myself, but I think it’s just because you rattle him. He always talks about you. How funny you are, how clever. He’s always repeating stuff you say, and I’m like “Yeah Finn, I know, I was there.” Izzy laughs softly.

She’s still smiling when she shares this next bit of information, “Archie and I have got this bet going. Every time Finn starts a sentence with “Rae says,” or “Rae thinks,” Archie owes me 10p. I haven’t paid for a drink in the Swan for weeks now!”

Dear, sweet, misguided, got-the-wrong-end-of-the-stick Izzy, looking at life through her rose-tinted granny glasses and seeing nothing but sunshine and rainbows and feelings where there are none. Rae’s about to tell Izzy that she’s lovely but obviously delusional when there’s a tapping at the door. Finn’s head pokes sheepishly around the edge of it.

“Hiya,” he mumbles.

“Look Rae. Look who it is. It’s the lovely Finn. Hello lovely Finn, come sit with us.” Izzy beams, her fingers stilling in Rae’s hair. Rae sits up, reluctant to lose contact with Izzy’s comforting touch.

“Am I interrupting?”

“Never,” Izzy pats the bed next to her. “The more, the merrier,” He hesitates at the door, warily eyeing Rae.  “Come on, come here. We’ve saved you a spot.”

“Are you sure? Are you feeling better, Rae?” Rae gives him a shy, short nod and a weak smile. It’s all the encouragement he needs and he crosses the room, to ease into Izzy’s side.  They bob like boats on the shoreline, trying to get comfortable. Finn fusses with the neckline of his t shirt, tugging at it self-consciously in an attempt to hide the bruise on his neck. Izzy gently pulls his hand away, squeezes his fingers reassuringly.

“I’m sorry about before Iz, I didn’t…” he whispers, the puff of his breath a tickle in her ear.

She turns her face towards him with a finger to her lips, her eyes soft and forgiving. “Shh, quiet now. We’re having a moment.”

The three of them sit against the wall, a tryptic of teenage angst; interlocking pieces of the same beast.  Finn’s head on Izzy’s shoulder, hers resting on top of his. Izzy’s arm slung possessively around Rae, Rae coiled tight into Izzy’s side.

“This is so lovely. Cuddling with two of my favourite people in the whole world.”

“Ha! Everyone’s your favourite.” Finn scoffs quietly.

“I don’t have that many! But the ranking changes with my mood, so watch it you or you’ll drop right out of the top five.”

“Who are you kidding? I’ll always be your number one.” Finn tickles her and Izzy giggles and there’s a sort of contained rolling about, save for the flailing arms, and Rae wriggles out of harm’s way. It continues until Izzy squeals a fervent ‘stop’ and he does. Its clear Izzy has him wrapped around her little finger and he’s more than happy to be there. They collapse into each other, breathless. It’s nice to watch him be light and playful with Izzy. Rae’s never seen that side of him before. The sweetness.  She doesn’t hesitate to re-join them when Izzy pulls her back into their little pile without a word.

“So much for my moment,” Izzy groans. “Okay you two, let me up,” unravelling herself from their tangle of limbs, she scoots to the edge of the bed. “I better go check that awful boy hasn’t set fire to anything downstairs.”

“I should probably come with you…” Rae sighs.

“No. Stay. I can handle Chop. Besides, I need to talk to Chloe.” She stands, but before she can get too far, Finn moves forward, catching her hand and pulling her back.

“Fairy…” the word gets stuck in his throat and he hugs her tightly.

”Hey, it’s what we do, yeah?” Izzy’s arms fall easily around his shoulders. They nestle together for a moment, everyone else forgotten. Izzy has to peel him off her before she can leave the room. “Now, play nice.” She commands as she shuts the door behind her and just like that, they’re alone.

“Little Miss Fix-it.” Rae grins, nodding at the closed bedroom door.

“Bossy little thing, you mean.” Finn counters. “I do love her a lot, though.”

“And why wouldn’t you? She’s fucking amazing.”

“She really is.” He affirms softly. “She takes care of me.”

“She said the same about you.”

“Well, we’re friends. It’s what you do.” He looks up from his hands and shrugs, giving her a rueful smile. It seems to Rae that what Finn and Izzy share goes beyond any friendship Rae’s experienced. The twist of longing is sharp and quick.  

“She said that too.”

“That’s because she steals all my best lines.” This smile is looser, more relaxed.

“Can I ask you something? Does she ever ask to play with your hair?”

“Why? What did she tell you?” He shifts uncomfortably, his eyes narrowed.

“Nothing. It’s just… she was pretty insistent. I wouldn’t want to cross her.” She looks at him conspiratorially. Smiling at him is getting easier.

“I’ve found life is much simpler if I pick my battles. Though she be but little, she is fierce.” Rae’s jaw drops and he can’t help but chuckle. “A little less shock please, if you don’t mind, Mae. You’re not the only one who’s ever cracked a book, you know.”

“Wow. Such hidden depths. I’m well impressed.” And there it is, a proper Rae-smile. He’d seen them before, but he’s never had one directed at him until now. Sometimes, when she’d let go and forgotten she didn’t like him that much, she’d let that wide lipped grin fall on him too, just for a moment, before she remembered who he was and shut it off. Now he’s got one all of his own.

“Relax brainbox, your crown is safe. I got miles to go before I catch up to you.” They laugh quietly together and the next silence is a little easier too.

She turns to look at him, a thought suddenly forming. “Is that why you call her fairy?”

“It started out as Titania, ’cause of the red hair and because she’s so tiny, but I had to stop when Chop kept shortening it to ‘Tits’.” Rae sputters and her eyes go wide. “I used to get a slap every time he said it. ME, not him.  ‘That’s your fault, Finn Nelson.’”  He mimics Izzy’s cranky voice.  “Wasn’t fair.” The more Rae laughs the more animated Finn gets. “Fucking Chop. He’s got no clue about women.”

“He really hasn’t, has he? Poor Izzy.” They share a nod and a knowing look. Finn’s hand goes to his mouth unconsciously, and worries at his thumb. In the quiet that follows, his thoughts turn back to the night. All he’d really wanted was to forget about what was happening with his Nan and to make things up with Rae, but she’d been her normal prickly self and he’d had to get away. He regrets what happened with Chloe; too eager to feel something other than hurt, he’d reached out for something he didn’t want. There’s a sudden wave of guilt at his selfishness, he’s convinced because of it, he’s lost his grandmother. “Finn, Izzy told me about your Nan. I’m so sorry.” Rae’s voice pulls him from his thoughts.  

“Thanks.” he says softly.

“Why didn’t you say something downstairs?”

“I was going to. It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters. I’m so, so sorry Finn.” Instinctively, she reaches across the gap between them, stopping short of touching him. She doesn’t know if he’d want that. She’d given him such a hard time; when she thinks about her behaviour she’s mortified by how self-absorbed she really is. Why would anyone want her as a friend?

“Izzy was here.” He shrugs.

“She said you didn’t want to go home.” Rae shifts around to face him and their knees bump momentarily while she adjusts herself on the bed. Finn’s hand drops to rest on his knee, the skin around his thumbnail, red and bleeding.  

“Dad was at the hospital with my Uncle Tony.  Paperwork, arrangements… something. I should be with him I know, but I just can’t.” He looks up at her then, pale and lost, searching her face for a sign that he’s safe. The next words pour out of him fast and low “I… I don’t want to, I’m not ready, but I don’t want to be on my own. That’s horrible, isn’t it? I’m a horrible, selfish fuck.”

“Oh Finn, no. You’re not horrible and it’s not selfish.” She can’t help but cover his hand with her own now as she tries to reassure him. “You need to look after yourself so you can look after your dad. He wouldn’t want you to be alone. You’re welcome to stay here if you want.”

“I’d like that, Rae. Thanks.”

++++

She’s not asleep; her head is too all over the place. Her mum has been pretending to be her dad for years, she’s got a house full of strangers at a completely non-sanctioned sexy-party and Danny’d shown up, AWOL from the hospital, with tall tales of unbridled sexual abandon and pissing out her bathroom window. Now she’s lying in bed with the most beautiful boy she’s ever seen. As weird nights go, this will take some beating, and she’s been sectioned for almost killing herself. Accidentally.

He hadn’t wanted Rae to leave when she’d insisted that he get some sleep. Made her promise to stay right where she was, while he went and collected his sleeping bag from downstairs and hers from the airing cupboard and set them up on Rae’s bed. She said she’d sleep on the beanbag but he was adamant she didn’t.

She’d worried that they wouldn’t fit and he’d said nonsense, as he pressed himself further against the wall and waved his hand over the empty space beside him, look, plenty of room and he smiled up at her, and she couldn’t help it, she smiled back. Turned out there was plenty of room.

He’d talked all about his Nan and his dad, but balked at giving away too much information about his mum. Just that she’d left when he was small and he didn’t see her anymore. Rae didn’t push.

She told him about her mum and her illegal immigrant boyfriend being on the run in Tunisia and the crazy topless neighbour lady across the road, but mostly she just let him talk. Then she let him cry and when he’d finished crying, she let him hold her hand.  Now he’s finally asleep, curled up on his side, snuffling gently into her hair, his lips just an inch from her skin. She could, if she wanted to, just lean over, just a smidge, and he’d be kissing her, but she doesn’t. If he’s ever going to kiss her, she wants it to be because he wants to.

She’s not asleep, but she pretends to be when Chloe sticks her head around the door and watches them for a long time.

[peterjakes]

My Mad Fat Diary Fanfic - Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Wicked Smile

happy new year everyone!

here's a barney centric chapter, focusing on him dealing with his feelings and emotions

I actually quite enjoyed writing this one!

enjoy! x

also posted on ao3; https://archiveofourown.org/works/20154688/chapters/90845539

Barney was the type of guy that everyone could get along with. He was funny, could always take a joke as much as he’d give one, never got too angry, and had a wicked smile. Or at least he thought so. He also like to think that he was pretty popular with the girls, even though he hadn’t kissed a girl in about two months. Well, he had been kissed, but he was trying to not think about how Archie’s lips formed and the smoothness he felt when they last came together. No, Barney wasn’t thinking about Archie or his lips.

He always had a feeling about Archie.

Not that kind of feeling. Not that he knew about him or anything. Just that he was slightly different from everyone else he hung around with. Archie was different to Finn and Chop, and to outsiders, their friendship did seem very unlikely. Even Barney thought so himself when he was first introduced to Archie. Archie was clever. Witty. Quiet. But then there was this side of him and Barney could see it so clearly. What Finn and Chop saw in him. And that’s when Barney knew he was a top lad.

And Barney meant that. He liked Archie. He always laughed at Barney’s jokes, even when they weren’t even that funny (which wasn’t often), he listened to his stories and only interrupted to add something or to show interest. Archie’s music taste wasn’t the best, the band they had in common was Oasis but come on, everyone with ears likes Oasis. All the indie crap that Archie would talk to Barney about wasn’t the best, although when Archie suggested Barney listen to School Disco by Bis, because it was less indie and more of a dance tune, Barney was pleasantly surprised. He’d also listened to Big by New Fast Automatic Daffodils on repeat for about a week after Archie played it to him from Chop’s speakers whilst all the lads were down the rec. Knebworth was a laugh; Finn seemed preoccupied the whole time and didn’t seem to enjoy it, Chop was literally on one and Archie seemed to have the time of his life.

Archie had tried to bore Barney with a bunch of historical tossers that Barney didn’t care about, but Archie was so enthusiastic, so passionate that Barney didn’t block him out. He liked it when people actually cared about stuff. It might not have been the most interesting conversation, but it seemed to mean something to Archie, so Barney listened or at least tried to.

Barney also didn’t mind admitting how impressed he was when Archie first played a song down the pub. If Barney remembered correctly, it was an acoustic version of Paul McCartney’s Pipes of Peace – one of Barney’s favourite Christmas songs. He played it in a way Barney had never heard of it before. It was pretty special. Barney wasn’t always there, but he’d occasionally see Archie play and he was amazing. That was clear to see.

Archie had also been there when Barney’s parents had split up. That was one of the worst times in his life, and he didn’t like to admit that. It wasn’t like other people weren’t there for him. Little Al and Lizard, were his best mates, but they had their own shit to deal with. Barney wasn’t always his true self with them either. Not that he was pretending to be someone he wasn’t or hiding a certain aspect of himself. No. Barney was proud of who he was – why shouldn’t he be? But yeah, sometimes he did put on a bit of a front. That’s what lads his age did. He wasn’t proud. It was just routine.

Archie had found Barney, wallowing in his sorrows one spring evening in the park just around the corner from college. He’d only gone to the park for a walk to clear his head, not wanting to bump into anyone. He almost diverted himself to avoid Barney, but as soon as he got near him, it became clear that Barney was not having a good time. He was sitting on a park bench; well Archie wasn’t sure if he would call it ‘sitting’. He was almost sprawled on the bench, surrounded by beer cans. He looked bad, seriously bad. Archie could tell something had happened. At that point, Archie didn’t know Barney too well, but it was clear to see Barney wasn’t in a good place. Archie had wanted to be by himself, have some time to think but this was a good distraction from everything.

“Barney? You alright?” Archie walked slowly towards the disheveled Barney, who didn’t seem to know where or who he was.

“Dandy.” Barney nodded, barely opening his eyes. He was sweating and had mud all over his Levi’s. This was not a good look, especially as Archie knew Barney prided himself on his appearance.

“Yeah, you look it. “ Looking Barney up and down, trying not to judge, and then directing his eyes at the beer cans, Archie wondered what had got him in this state. It was unusual, to say the least. Barney was always so slick, so refined. He was always laughing and joking, never taking anything or anyone serious. This wasn’t the Barney Archie knew. This wasn’t the confident lad who kissed Archie at the sexy party. Shit, why was Archie even thinking about that now?

“They were on offer.” Barney had tried to sit up, but his body didn’t seem to let him. He just fell back to his original position, barely sitting against the bench.

“Right. Any reason why you’re here?”

“Can’t I come to park? Why are you ‘ere?”

“Needed to clear my head.”

“Heh.” Barney made a noise that sounded like a laugh, but to be honest he was pretty hard to understand. Archie started to move some of the scattered beer cans off the right side of the bench and scooted next to Barney. The two boys sat in silence for a while, just being in each other’s company. Archie wasn’t sure how to deal with this situation. He couldn’t leave Barney here, not in this state. But he wasn’t being particularly helpful either. Archie wasn’t strong enough to force Barney somewhere else but he doubted Barney would thank him if Archie got some of the lads to help. Luckily for Archie, Barney had now managed to sit up and was about to divulge into what had happened.

“Me parents. They…me dad’s gone.” Barney sighed, picked up one of the half-empty beer cans, and swigged it back. Shit, that was shit, Archie knew that. He was lucky with his parents. They loved each other, from what Archie could see and Archie couldn’t imagine them ever splitting up. Archie didn’t know much about Barney’s parents or his family, really. Barney was pretty secretive about that stuff but it had obviously affected him. He was pretty cut up about it.

“Shit Barney, I’m sorry.” He was sorry, it was shit for anyone. Archie remembered when Finn had lost his mum, they were only 12 and Finn was in bits for months after. That was tough, Archie tried his best to be there for him but what can a 12-year-old really do? Luckily Finn did come out from the other side, he was never the same, but it was better.

“Don’t be, he was a prick.” Barney laughed, although his face fell soon after. Archie noticed how red his eyes were, had he been crying? Archie couldn’t blame him. It was almost strange seeing how vulnerable Barney was now, it was sad though.

“Come on.” Archie motioned towards the edge of the park, where the gates were. He knew he’d have to get Barney somewhere, try and sober him up. Just help him. Archie wasn’t sure Barney would want to, though.

“What?”

“Let’s go sober you up.”

“Nah, I like being drunk.” Barney moved over Archie, bashing into him, trying to get another beer can. Archie managed to stop him, getting a grip on Barney’s wrist. He made sure not to hold on too tight, but his fingers lingered for a moment holding onto Barney.

“Yeah, well you won’t tomorrow, trust me. Just…come on. We’ll get you a kebab and some water, alright?” Archie gave Barney a small smile and a tap on his arm as if to reassure him.

“I don’t like kebabs.” Barney folded his arms in an act of defiance, but Archie could tell he wasn’t being serious.

“Well that’s bullshit, you necked down four last weekend.”

“I was drunk.”

“You’re drunk now.”

“Fair play, Archibald. Fair play.”

“Also, if any of those old biddies notice these beer cans, we’re gonna be in a lot of shit.”

This time was floating through Barney’s mind, more recently now. He wasn’t entirely sure why he was thinking about that meeting. Archie and Barney had spent plenty of other times together, more so recently – which was something that Barney was glad of. He liked Archie, yeah, he did. He meant what he told Archie that time down in the corner shop. It was a pretty brave thing to do, come out in Lincolnshire. He thought it was cool, but Barney…well he could never do anything like that. Not that Barney needed to, of course, he didn’t. Barney was very sure of himself, of course, he was. He was straight. He liked girls. He liked their boobs. Their bums. Their waists. But… there was a little nagging feeling at the back of his mind. A feeling he didn’t often let out. It was a feeling that only came out in the dead of night, when Barney would be lying in his bed, not being able to sleep. He’d allow it out just for a moment, but that was long enough for Barney. Archie…he did something to Barney. He made him feel good and the more time he spent with Archie, the more he wanted to be with him, basically all the time. It was a strange feeling; he’d never really felt like that before. Sure, he liked spending time with his mates, but he liked his own space too. He liked being by himself sometimes, although it was easier for Barney to be surrounded by people. He liked the attention, he liked people being impressed by him. But that did take a lot of work.

And girls, well Barney loved girls, of course, he did. He’d had tons and tons of girlfriends. He’d slept with loads too. But he wasn’t sure if he’d ever loved any of them. One came close, but that didn’t end too well. And as much as he loved the attention from the girls, he didn’t always want to spend every waking moment with them.

But Archie? Shit, Barney got excited when he saw him. He perked up whenever Archie sat next to him and they had a conversation. Archie was into having really deep conversations and most of the time Barney didn’t know what the fuck he was on about, but that didn’t matter. He liked him and liked when they talked.

Barney knew he couldn’t ignore what had happened between, though. After the party at Chop’s flat, when Archie had spoken to him outside, Barney had prayed he wouldn’t mention what happened in the bathroom. Barney remembered every single thing, but he couldn’t bring himself to talk about or even think about it. It was embarrassing. No, it wasn’t embarrassing. It was just…Barney didn’t know to be honest. He didn’t know what he was supposed to think or supposed to feel. It was like he could blame Archie. He was the one who initiated the kiss. He didn’t even know why he did it. The first time was nothing, they were just playing spin the bottle. You always end up kissing loads of people. Barney remembered one time he had to kiss Little Al, and well, he felt nothing. He didn’t remember feeling much that first time with Archie either. But that moment in the bathroom, when it was just him and Archie, Barney couldn’t help himself. But he was drunk, he was.

And then Archie did it again. He made him feel things he’d never really felt. This wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Archie made him feel good, almost free. But when Archie kissed Barney at Jonjo’s party, Barney didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t expected it for one. He wasn’t allowed to prepare himself. At least with spin the bottle he knew there would be a slight chance of kissing a lad. And at Chop’s well, as soon as it was just him and Archie in the bathtub, he had a feeling he had to do something. With some Dutch courage, of course. He was almost glad in a way that Archie had run off, he didn’t see him for the rest of the party and after that, well he wasn’t really in a party mood. He just got drunk. He got smashed actually and regretted it the next day. He almost wished he had seen Archie again. Barney didn’t know what he would have done or said to him, but there was a small part of him that wanted to see him again that night. Maybe it was the drink. Yeah, that could be it. Whenever anything happened between Barney and Archie, he was drunk. Yeah, that was a good enough reason.

Barney knew he had to talk to Archie, clear the air after that night. Maybe he was a bit harsh, but what if it happened again? What would that mean? Barney didn’t know. He wasn’t sure that he didn’t want that to happen. But no, it couldn’t, and it wouldn’t.

But the more time Barney and Archie spent together, the less Barney would be able to convince himself. And that was what he was afraid of.

[slitherouter]

>> for Shiri and the promise of being snowbound

*face/palm* God help me, I was thinking about that unfinished fic just the other day, wondering... how are Finn and Rae weathering the storm after all this time?... poor babies, I just left them there.

Every Time

ao3: they were trapped in a blizzard, a single vacancy at the motel with only one bed. What will happen between them?

me: *clicking on the fic* omg what will happen between them?!