#if i'm stuck in similar places and situations my whole life... is there really a point in living it all?

[bakerysnake]

i have to want a different life just as badly as my dad did or i'm never going to get what i really want

[rococo-sonata]

i'm brainrotted by both bsd and steven universe so i made a crossover au because there is so many similarities between the characters!!

(NO DAZAI DID NOT GET MPREG☠️ ATSUSHI ISN'T HIS SON)

SO!! in this universe, years after the gem war, when the situation seems to have calmed down for the earth and the revolution seems to have fallen into oblivion at homeworld, Dazai who no longer has a goal decides to finally commit su!cide. But when he dies, his gem doesn't shatter, the small ounce of desire to live that Dazai has left (among other stuff) gives birth to something entirely new, something between a gem and a being. in short Atsushi is a sort of reincarnation of Dazai who has his gem

Now let me explain why i choose those roles for them :3 i just finished the season 3 of bsd so i might get some stuff wrong.

Just like Rose, Dazai's motivations is hard to understand. They are both morally grey characters, who are difficult to describe as just good or bad because their true intentions are unclear. They both have a past in which they caused pain to people around them, they both seek to change and be better persons . Both revolve around a dual identity, one good and one bad, but they are really just a mixture of the two. They make mistakes, they're selfish but at the same time they want to fight for something good. People expect a lot from them and see them as leaders or role models while they themselves are lost and depressed. And in the storyline of the two their story is told in reverse ^_^

Atsushi reminds me of Steven mainly bcs of the role he plays for Kyoka, helping her find herself and what she wants to do with her life. Just like Steven he is told his whole life to be a certain way, he spend his time trying to help others, forgetting that his feelings matter too

(in this universe Greg is the girl from the cafe, it's a bit useless but i find it funny to turn her into a rockstar)

Kunikida as Pearl is for me the one that makes the most sense. Pearl remains unable to grieve because she dedicated her life to serving Rose. Kunikida dedicates his life to achieving his ideals of a perfect justice and in which he saves everyone. When he fails he is unable to forgive himself and to mourn over the people he could not save. I think they're sm alike.. Just with their personalities, they're both strict nerdy caring devoted and kinda got a stick up their ass. But also with their stories and mindset. Kunikida is tragic lesbian coded. This one makes me so happy because they are both my favorite characters. Not that I like KuniDazai that much, i don't really ship it. but here it's more or less canon, they are like very very very close friends. Kunikida remains stuck for years over the fact that he couldn't save his """best friend""" and consider himself as responsible for his death.

Ranpo as Garnet because I think ranpo makes a good leader. Despite being immature he is capable of rationalizing and making decisions (like in the cannibalism arc) he is a sort of guide and is admired by the members of the agency, like garnet in the crystal gems, everyone relies on him. and especially his power to see the future looks like the super deduction

Yosano as Amethyst is really because I wanted her to have an important role and I didn't know who else to put in☠️ I find that she's a bit similar in the way they fight, they're both ruthless and really mature in a certain way

update : now that i saw Yosano backstory i'm glad i picked amethyst for her. they both fight to earn the right to live, because they think they're bad by nature (because of their past or their appearance) they want to defend the only place and peoples that accept them

this is my 2nd favorite!! it makes so much sense imo. the story of both lapis and kyoko revolves around being imprisoned/controlled and used as a weapon, being seen as a machine to destroy by nature. Lapis' mirror is kyoka's phone. They both seeks emancipationand becoming good people ^_^

i'm done for now but i have so many others idea that i love sm!! next will probably be akutagawa

[zedortoo]

Pizza Autism: the novella

Pizza Tower autism and/or ADHD headcanons go go go!!!!

warning there is. So much under the cut. I go off about everyone's tism

Peppino:

-Middle aged man autism. Ohh my god this guy is so autism we're starting off strong

-Most of his stims are physical and are probably. Not the most healthy (biting, banging wrists together, hair pulling etc)

-He has arfid frfr! Despite being a chef he's very careful about what he eats, however most italian foods are safe foods for him.

-Struggle showing empathy, even if he feels it. Yall saw how he reacted to Gerome mourning John he was out of his depth 😭

Gustavo:

-gnome autism.

-poor dude can't understand sarcasm to save his life. Also really bad at comprehending deeper meanings and stuff... Honestly me too Gustavo. Me too.

-actually gets overstimulated really easily. he grew up in a place similar to the gnome forest in the tower, where the air was always somewhat humid. If there's a dehumidifier running anywhere he can practically sense it and will immediately get upset bc he is too dry 💔

-His stims are mainly vocal (i.e. "I'm going to kill you") but he also likes to bounce on the balls of his feet and rock back and forth!

Mr Stick:

-French autism

-Hes not actually a huge asshole all the time, SURE he can be blunt and come off as rude but most of the time the mean persona is a mask. His really close friends know he's just a weird dude

-(stole this idea from Olympe) He is a routine lover!! Has his entire day planned out as soon as he wakes up. If you get in the way of his routine you will be turned into an ambiguous ball of meat. He was SOOOO pissed off when he got stuck in the tower bc it's wasn't in his routine so he robbed the whole damn place out of malice

-Innapropriate reactions to sensetive situations. If he had to comfort someone it would be Joever for him.

-Represses most stims because he thinks he's embarrassing. When in private though he'll spend ages examining textures and smelling paper (I do this all the time it's so fun). Occasionally when he's tired or comfortable he'll let out a high pitched squeak that noone can believe came from that middle aged man.

-I could go on with more. I love talking about this cunt.

Pepperman:

-Capsicum autism.

-Also has inappropriate reactions to things. Has no vocal control either half of the time he doesn't realize he's yelling

-Has a habit of chewing on/wanting to taste everything. Ate several wardrobes worth of Polly pocket clothes as a kid probs. Has to physically stop himself from giving his art supplies a taste. Occasionally eats an eraser still.

-If someone reorganizes his shit they WILL be killed this dude knows exactly where everything he needs is he has his own fucked up system

-Mainly uses stim toys. Has a collection of high end custom made ones but is too afraid of wearing them out so he chews on a toy dog bone instead and it's mangled to BITS

Vigilante:

-Cheese autism.

-This dude has know idea what autism actually is. He knows he's different compared to a lot of people, but he's never had the right word for it.

-Strong sense of justice. If something is wrong he WILL set it right. He got super upset when he realized Peppino wasn't actually an outlaw and he had tried to kill an innocent dude

-HATES HATES HATES processed foods. says he can taste the chemicals.

-Doesnt really stim in public. He'll tap his boot or spin the barrel of his gun if he gets really overstimulated but he much prefers to just pet some of his farm animals until he feels better

Noise:

-Rat autism!!

-This dude constantly needs to be overstimulated he loves it. If things are too quiet he gets super upset and starts bouncing off the walls and shit

-HATES the texture of carbonated drinks but forces himself to drink them because the flavour is worth it.

-Hes has like, three masks on at all times. There's the feral showbiz fella we all know and love, then beneath that is a more controlled businessman type, and beneath THAT is another, slightly less feral rat man.

-goes semi verbal sometimes. Everything just gets tangled up in his mind and he can't spit out the words he wants. He hates it when this happens during a show.

Noisette:

-Bunny autism!!!

-classic weirdgirl type. Would totally read warrior cats and roleplay as a cat on the playground as a kid.

-Also really bad with understanding emotions. You have to tell her specifically if she's upset you or something otherwise she just will not realize.

-makes a lot of vocal stims. Mainly just little beeps and stuff (I like to think she'd make that one jerma substitute teacher noise. Does anyone know what I'm talking about) Also loves to rock back and forth!!

-Has texture issues. She personally disposed of all the Sherpa fleece in the tower.

Fake peppino:

-autism supreme.

-like fr this dude is just the embodiment of autism. it eats vaccines to get more autistic/j

-cant understand when it's making someone upset. Actually, similar to Noisette, is bad at perceiving negative emotions overall.

-mirrors a lot. I mean that's like an integral part of their character. They mainly take after Peppino but will start acting like someone if he's around them long enough.

-melts into a puddle when overstimulated. Honestly? I wish I could do that too.

-Mainly mirrors stims from friends. It freaked everyone out when they started repeating Gustavo's catchphrase.

Pizzahead:

-PIZZA AUTISM!!!

-horrible moral compass this dude will do anything she wants and genuinely won't see what's wrong with it. Case in point the whole of pizza tower

-used to mask her true silly self a lot to be considered more 'normal' but decided normal ppl were boring as hell and dropped the charade

-arfid haver!! Loves pastries and breads and stuff, basically refuses to eat anything else. Has a personal vendetta against cantaloupe and has vowed to destroy it all bc he hates it soooo much

-taps his foot as a stim!! Also likes to jump around and the like, will rapidly shake their fists if incredibly excited

Gerome:

-Rock autism

-This guy loves his own company. Sure, he'll happily be social, but drops the mask as soon as he's alone. Just likes to be alone!

-Also not big on touch. The only person who's allowed to lay a finger on him is John, if anyone else just like. pats him on the back he will freeze up.

-loves being a janitor because the job is mostly repetitive. He cleans each floor in his own order, he has it all sorted out!

-loves bath bombs and stuff. Really likes the smells and just the fizz and the way they crumble in his fingers. Sometimes he'll just throw one in the sink and watch it for ages

-makes this weird clicking noise in the back of his throat as a stim. It's a rather unsettling noise but it's really the only way he stims in public. When alone he likes to feel textures of different things

John:

-hivemind autism!

-I feel bad for this dude man imagine having your being spread out through several different pocket dimensions and all of them have different textures and shot this poor bugger must've been overstimulated for years

-very blunt. Says what he wants with no remorse. Also doesn't have any volume control so often doesn't realize he's yelling

-I imagine when he was resurrected and was no longer a hivemind he had to take a long time alone just being himself. Duuuude imagine having to mask for YEARS because you were never ever alone I would lose my fucking marbles

-opposite of his brother, he doesn't understand personal space. Will often accidentally get I'm ppls faces because he doesn't realize how close he is to them. This also makes him somewhat clumsy and he has a habit of running into things

-Mainly has facial/expression stims. Will pull a big ol' grimace if something goes wrong and grin like an idiot when happy (see: when he got revived)

[heinzpilsner]

Some more quick thoughts on "Southern Raiders" (Ugh, there are so many layers in this episode to analyze, and so many different angles. It's like a freaking kaleidoscope. My autistic brain could get stuck in this mess for eternity.)

Basically, there are three separate choices with "Katara confronting Yon Rha" situation:

1) facing/not facing him at all

2) killing/not killing him

3) harming/not harming him in any other way

I'm not interested here in the moral side of things - it's too difficult topic for me to decipher, to be honest.

I'm here for a "mental health" perspective.

And psychologically speaking, both "facing your mother's murderer" and "specifically seeking a person and killing him with your own hands" are not really good experiences, especially for a 14-year-old girl who is already in a bad state of mind.

Hmm... But there is still point three to consider, isn't it?

The only thing facing Yon Rha seemingly could help Katara with was to make her feel powerful.

"I'm not a helpless little girl anymore. I can beat the person who hurt me. I can have a semblance of control."

But this is all it was - just a semblance.

The thing is, Katara knows from the start she can beat Yon Rha. This man couldn't be stronger than Azula.

And feeling powerful by beating or killing someone obviously weak and helpless is a psychologically degrading experience, no matter what the person in question did to you. In perspective, it can become an unhealthy addictive coping mechanism, and this is something you shouldn't encourage in yourself or a person you care about.

Basically, that's the problem with Zuko's "closure" on the Day Of The Black Sun as well. His whole speach was pointless from a practical point of view - Zuko couldn't change Ozai's mind on anything. In essence, what Zuko was really trying to achieve by making his temporarily powerless father listen to him is to feel in control (well, and prove to himself what he wasn't a coward by not leaving the palace quietly like any reasonable person on his place would do). But the power his father held over him was never something physical, and it almost costed Zuko his life in the end. Offering the similar experience to Katara only shows what Zuko didn't reflect on what really happened that day.

So facing Yon Rha was at best pointless, and at worst harmful experience for Katara. The real reason why she felt so angry and helpless would not go away like this.

In the end, I believe the "killing/not killing" angle most people choose as a point of focus doesn't give enough credit to the complexity of the problem.

Something like this, I guess.

[tvmigraine]

6:25AM Doctor Who Headcanons

"Full Fathom Five" is the Valeyard Origin:

The whole point behind "Full Fathom Five" is to show an Unbound Doctor that's willing to go darker and believes that the ends justify the means. This seems like a natural continuation of the direction that the Seventh Doctor was going so, if we consider that the timeline, this is what I interpret the regeneration cycle to be (not counting the other regenerations between Brooker and Jayston).

Through some trickery, this "Doctor" manages to escape the situation that's killing him over and over but now he's on his final regeneration. He's desperate and basically willing to do anything, his own morals eroded into dust, which eventually leads into the conflict we see in "Trial of a Time Lord".

Because of this encounter and the Sixth Doctor's desire not to become the Valeyard (some expanded media shows this more), this pushes this incarnation back and stops the Seventh Doctor becoming the Full Fathom Five incarnation.

The Unbound War Doctor and the Watcher are the same being:

The Watcher is really confusing and there's never going to be an answer to that regeneration that I'm fully satisfied with. What I've reasoned to myself is that it could relay on the strangest blip in the "Unbound" range - "Doctor of War" shows what would've happened if the Fourth Doctor destroyed the Daleks on Skaro, namely an early Time War. He regenerates into Colin Baker.

At the end of this story, giving few spoilers, the Doctor does eventually remedy this mistake and we see Colin Baker's Doctor in the place of Tom's, replacing him during the final events of "Genesis of the Daleks". However it's stated that the Baker War Doctor is still trapped outside of time, his consciousness basically pushing his life back onto the right path.

SO! My perspective is that the Baker War Doctor, being connected to this incarnation's eventual death already, is able to manifest in the form of The Watcher in order to help him regenerate successfully. (I know the Watcher appears in other places too, so maybe that's the Doctor of War continuing this duty in the hopes of keeping things right?)

Richard Griffiths' Doctor leads into "Curse of Fatal Death"

There is nothing to this theory except I think the outfits look very similar.

Doctor Who Magazine 255 ran an article called "What If?" that showed what could've become of Doctor Who if it had made it into the 90s. This had the 7th Doctor regenerate into an alternative 8th (Altern-Eight) played by Richard Griffiths. The outfits are similarly enough that this Doctor could, after going off air, eventually adopted the outfit that'd become the "Curse of Fatal Death" outfit.

The Cadet Sweets Doctor is a young First Doctor:

When the Doctor is younger, he has adventures on the back of candy cigarette packets where he encounters the Voord and the Daleks. Due to old age, he eventually forgets about it. Or maybe it's his dad, yknow what, The Cadet Sweets Doctor is his Dad, actually.

"Lungbarrow" leads into the Timeless Child:

I'm just going over an older theory I've had and it's stuck. The VNAs take place in a bottle universe with the Seventh Doctor discovering the origins of the Other and eventually leading to his own childhood. Instead of it happening how it was supposed to, the bottle universe starts to leak into the main continuity - the Foundling that Tecteun finds is the Other, but their timeline is changed by being brought into the main universe.

Time has to heal itself when the bottle universe fully floods into the main history - in some ways it does this by correcting the Foundling's life to inevitably become the Doctor, in other ways it does stuff like repeat adventures ("Human Nature").

"Battle For The Universe" is a sequel to "Shada":

"Battle For The Universe" is a board game from 1989 about the Doctor travelling with Tegan, Romana, Ace and K9. The game also has the most ridiculous redesign of characters, including the Doctor who looks like Skagra from the infamous "Shada".

At the end of "Shada", the defeated Skagra is forced to listen about the Doctor's exploits from start to finish by an AI. I think that the board game is showing Skagra in a crazed fugue state, having lost himself after listening to so many stories (which are being updated as the Doctor continues living) about the Doctor's exploits. Basically imagine a version of "Deadline" but it's about Skagra.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

When I got home from my trip to the UK this year, I felt like it was oddly freeing. For the past year, I was stuck in a certain set of circumstances. I'd got my time off work approved for my UK trip, so I could stay in this job, I could get a school job with summers off, and that was it. Anything else would risk being in a job where I couldn't get those 2 weeks off for my trip.

But once that trip was over, I realized I was in a position where I could do anything. I've been thinking about trying to move to another province, maybe. At the very least, I finally have some freedom and over a year of experience in my current job, that means I can start looking for stuff that pays more than the low wage I make now. I thought this was a good thing, so I'm not going to book any further trips right away, even though all I want to do is go back to the UK. I have the opportunity to properly sort my life out, I have to take that first.

...So why did I book nine nights in an Air B&B in Edinburgh in August 2025 a couple of weeks ago? Okay, first of all, it's fully refundable. I've committed to nothing here. I only had to pay half the price upfront, the other half isn't due for ages, and I get all the money back if I cancel any time until July of next year. So I'm still not locked into anything. And this way, if I do find that I sort my life out well enough so I can get back to the UK next year, I won't get stuck paying the exorbitant accommodation prices of someone who's not planned ahead for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. For the 2024 festival, I booked my Air B&B in November of 2023, and got six nights. In early September of 2024, I booked an Air B&B in a similar location, for nine nights, and the total cost of that was less money than the total cost of six nights this year. More nights for less money, because I booked earlier. You have to book early.

Especially next year. I booked my stay from August 15 to August 24, 2025. Because when I checked in early September, I found that accommodation in the first half of August was already a write-off. Those nights in any remotely affordable hotel or Air B&B, including the place where I've reserved my own stay, was all booked up by the time I checked. Because Oasis is playing in Edinburgh during that week.

I do find it slightly funny that people are so concerned about these little nuances of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, as though it can't all be taken out by one well-placed pop band. While I was in Edinburgh for the 2024 festival, I read an article that complained about there being too many people there who were too successful to need the time and space there. I mean, I read multiple articles that complained about that. But I read one article in particular that complained about how the 2024 festival involved too many "Perrier winners from 2006", which particularly annoyed me, because Phil Nichol wasn't even there. Phil Nichol won the Perrier Award in 2006, but, okay, I understand that their complaint about "Perrier winners from 2006" really meant they didn't want people who were successful during that whole decade. To which I would say, the 2024 Edinburgh Fringe Festival had, I'm pretty sure, only two Perrier winners from all of the 00s. Tim Key (2009), who only did a few nights. And David O'Doherty (2008), but if you think there is any situation that's not improved by more David O'Doherty, then that's your own problem.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. To take a few examples of the variety in fame levels of acts I saw in 2024: too-famous-to-really-belong-there Nish Kumar, three-nights-in-a-big-room Kiri Pritchard-McLean, fast-rising up-and-comer Jin Hao Li, successful-online-comedian-with-not-much-live-profile Stevie Martin, latest MICF winner Sarah Keyworth, cult favourite Laura Davies, debut solo hour Caitriona Dowden, been-on-TV-one-time-for-ten-minutes Ed Night, Aussie hit Dan Rath, too-famous-to-really-need-Edinburgh-for-a-place-to-tell-us-about-cheating-on-his-wife Mark Watson, 2019 Perrier winner who's not seen it turn into a TV career Jordan Brookes - it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who any of them are, which ones are a little bit ahead of, or behind, the others. They could all be crushed like a bug, in an instant, by the guys who did that Where Were You While We Were Getting High song. Even the people who are successful in live festival comedy - it's still live festival comedy. None of them are bigger than pop music. The whole Fringe Festival might be fucked next year because of one single pop band.

I genuinely admire people who have strong principles about wanting to support independent artists, and to protect the artistic integrity of something that's meant to be for emerging and undiscovered talent. I do have respect for that point of view, even though I saw both halves of Wumar at the Edinburgh Festival last month, because I'd paid a hell of a lot of money to fly across the ocean, and I couldn't do all that to not see my favourites. But I understand and sympathize with the people who think that any fringe festival should be for the underground, not for established acts.

I understand that, and I see their point and why they weren't pleased about Mark Watson being there this year. But also, there's nothing like a well-placed pop band to put it all in perspective. All these acts are merely ants to the Wonderwall Boys, who have no reason to give one fuck about anyone's principles.

Anyway, I did reserve that Air B&B a couple of weeks ago. I really want to be able to say that having nothing booked frees me up to focus on my real life at home instead of just working for the next chance to spend 2 weeks in a fantasy world across the ocean. But none of it feels all that worth it if I haven't got at least the potential of the fantasy world across the ocean to look forward to, in case I'm able to make it work again.

[moondragon618]

So uh. I think I've decided that I want to be a little bit more open about some things on here bc honestly trying not to acknowledge it is just causing me a ton of unnecessary stress (and I'm sure as fuck not acknowledging it irl lmaooo) so yeah. So I'll start with this: I'm currently unemployed and living with my parents (mom and stepdad) and my younger but also adult brother (they all have some form of income but it's only just barely enough to get by). Now on its own the whole all of us living together thing should not be that big of a deal apparently according to what I've learned from hearing other ppl's experiences in similar situations. Unfortunately my parents do not think like this. My mom especially is convinced that we are literally ruining her life so y'know that's fun (:

Okay but seriously. I'm about to sound like I'm trying to downplay this (and maybe I am bc. Yk.) but like a good 80% or so of the time it's. Fine. We get along okay. But I know that's only bc we never acknowledge The Problems outside of the few bad days and we always just go on like those never even happened. And here's what I mean by bad days btw: ""Family Meetings"". Yeah that phrase is literally a fucking trigger for me now it's fucking bullshit. When I was younger it meant "me getting screamed at about how fucked up I am and how fucked I'll be in the "real world" and how I'm just "a soft spoiled little bitch bc I never got my ass beat" (like my brother. bc he's definitely fine and has no issues at all lmaooo) (and usually without the bitch part aside from once when I was a teenager) and now it's more "me getting screamed at by my mom abt how I'm ruining her life and her marriage" etc. etc. So yeah. My stepdad is a little better in that he only yelled at me one time when I was like 12 I think? And then never again. And he seems to at least understand that if screaming at still hasn't "fixed" me after 25 fucking years then it's probably not going to so yeah. And he did actually kind of stand up for me during the last one (in late September-ish) which I know isn't much but it's still way more than anyone else has done so I do appreciate it.

Anyway the last one was really fun (terrible) I got the usual + being told I being disrespectful for not coming out to the living room bc I was having a panic attack and quite literally frozen and unable to move 👍👍👍 And I've also been limited to just my phone since then bc my mom took my computer (bc god forbid we consider there might be a reason I'm on it so much) and still hasn't given it back and tbh I think I'd rather kms than ask for it back so that's fun too (:

I am aware that this is abusive behavior and that screaming at your child for any reason is in fact child abuse btw. It took me until very recently to come to terms with that even while knowing that (and I'm probably still not fully there tbh) but I know. It's that fucking generational trauma bullshit yk. My mom's side of the family is Fucked Up like her parents were terrible and their (mostly her dad's idk the other ones lol) parents. Yeah I'm not even comfortable talking about them right now that's like a whole other thing lmao. But yeah I know that doesn't even remotely make it okay.

And yeah like the day after shit like that happens we just never acknowledge it again until everyone's losing their shit again because nothing ever changes. Believe it or not being screamed at does not help me figure out how to navigate getting a source of income or how I'm supposed to do anything when we sure as fuck can't afford another vehicle or how I'm ever going to be able to afford my own place to live lmaooo. And I also literally cannot even talk to them about any of this without losing my ability to speak so that really doesn't help either (: I sure as fuck haven't tried calling out the bullshit either bc fuck that there's no fucking way that's going over well and I couldn't even if I wanted to (: (: (:

So I'm just kinda stuck here ig. It's really not too bad (most of the time). I'm not saying that to minimize or invalidate anything either I just want you all to know that it's not like super urgent or anything, I'm not in danger, my mental health isn't great obviously but I'm not at risk of hurting myself or suicide or anything. Promise <3 I'm a tenacious bastard sticking around out of pure spite and a desire to keep creating things if nothing else lmao :)

God this is kind of a trauma dump lmao but that about sums it up ig? I'm also very much open to advice if anyone has any <3

[zombeebunnie]

Game development Trembling Essence update:

Hello guys and welcome new followers! I have another update to share! I also would like to make it be known that since it's officially spooky month, updates about the game might be shorter and/or a bit scattered around so I can't guarantee they'll be weekly. :]

Anywho, I wanted to give myself a break from the other route I was working on last week to focus on some other things within the game starting off with a fairly large change to a ending/path!

Back in April/May, It was originally planned to be a ending you could get depending on how you interacted with Noah but, it was too similar to something I had already written. I then got an idea and turned it into a very long and extended situation you could get in Day 3 that would lead alllll the way into Day 5(+?).

I put a pause on it and went back to writing everything else because I didn't want to get too far ahead. When I came back to it I realized it had a good amount of spoilers that got thrown way too early at (Y/N)the player just on Day 3 and it ruined the flow I was trying to go for. I didn't get rid of it and instead, moved it somewhere else and placed it later into the game.

The path now leads back to an ending I settled on that I think really nails the whole survival thing and what would actually happen! I don't have any CG's to show for it right now but hopefully in the next update post it'll be done! :,]

Speaking of endings, another one also got adjusted! You could get it if you picked a specific choice and had a certain amount of closeness with Noah. When I was testing things, I found a unique variable you could get that would still let you continue into Day 4 when you technically weren't suppose to and I couldn't write anything to make it fit without messing up the flow of the other variables that were already in place. Now you'll automatically get this ending depending on how you go about playing! Here's a preview of it!

Lastly, I got to working on a different route I had already finished up and added a few more choices for you to make.

The beginning of it was fairly empty and I wanted to give it more life since there was more reading than actual decisions. Nothing was too outdated or anything but some parts really needed better transparency so I went and fixed up certain sections.

For example, some of Noah's and/or (Y/N)the player's reactions to certain situations didn't make enough sense to me so hopefully that shouldn't be a issue anymore! It also really helped me get a better idea of how I wanted a event to play out easier for me. :]

I let my play tester see the revised version and I explained what all was changed/fixed after they went through certain parts.

One thing they mentioned that really stuck out to me was a specific part that they suggested to be done 'in the dark' and that there should be some CG's shown for when you make certain decisions instead of just seeing the window CG. I went and made some adjustments and overall, I think it adds a lot more to the stealth and suspense I was trying to go for! :]

With that being said I think that just about covers everything! Thank you guys very much for all your support and interest in what I'm working on, I wholeheartedly appreciate the encouragement! Also happy spooky month! :,]

[alexalily]

Alexa's Favorite Games of 2023

If you've paid attention to my activity online then you've probably noticed that I really didn't play many games this year! I spent much more time reading books and watching movies than I did playing games. Despite that, I will still make this list because I did still manage to play Some Bangers! But also some trash!

2023 has been a year of change for me: mostly in minor and bad ways but with a couple of bigger, better ways. I'm hoping 2024 will be a year of further change in some major ways. Without getting into too much detail, my life feels like some things are in a do-or-die/now-or-never sort of situation and that is scary but also it'll make changes that are better than what I've got going on right now.

In 2024 I am hoping to get back to gaming a bit more. I want to return to checking out small Itchio projects that no one else has heard of but that I will scream about until other people play them too. I want to play more visual novels, too!! And I want 2024 to finally be the year that I really give a fighting game a solid chance because it is a genre I have always wanted to get into but have never found the right time or place or game or whatever for it work out.

If you would like to see a similar list about the books I read in 2023, you can see it here on Tumblr. If you would like to see a similar list about the movies I watched in 2023, you can see it here on Tumblr or over on Letterboxd.

Mémoire 0079

The "It's Not Nepotism If It's Genuinely Great" Award

I don't do ranked awards like everyone else but if I did this would be a strong contender for #1 and it's not just because I know some of the people that worked on it! I really really like the shape of this thing, with how it has you navigating pages like you're falling down a Wikipedia rabbit hole! It's such a fun concept and while I doubt it's the first or only to do it, it's done very well here! I love seeing how both sides frame the conflict and how they choose to write history their own way and how that leaves you to piece together What Happened. It's a game that has been stuck in my mind and kept me Thinking all throughout the year since I played it back in July and that is more than I can say about almost anything else on this list or that I even played this year!

Assassin's Creed Valhalla

The "Why The Fuck Am I Still Playing This" Award

I am occasionally an Open World Sicko who likes big maps with lots of Meaningless Things to collect/do. Every so often I just need One Of These. I have played many and they are all terrible. The genre has had a largely negative effect on AAA games specifically and the video games community as a whole. And this has got to be one of the worst ones I've ever played. I will probably end up writing a "review" where I dump all my thoughts after I've finished it but here's some quick highlights: -it plays worse than AC Odyssey did -it looks worse than AC Odyssey did -England sucks ass -the main plot is so tedious and none of the writing is good and there is SO MUCH of it -Eivor is so fucking boring!! my gay ass should be fawning over her but I simply Do Not Care about because she has all the charisma and charm of a pile of rocks The Isle of Sky DLC(?) questline was the best bit so far but that might just be my Kassandra Bias coming in to play because it was nice to see her again and also for them to be willing to actually play with one of the things set up at the end of Odyssey! I have played for over 80 hours so far and feel like I am maybe halfway through. I fear I may be playing this game until the end of time.

Charm Studies

Best Game That Is Laser Targetted At Me, Specifically

Narrative Picross! Cute girls! Witches!! What's not to love. I adore this lil game. I feel like this is going onto the list of games that I will take any chance I can to yell about because I want more people to play it because it's just such a charming lil adorable thing. It's cute!! I love it!! Play it!!!

Fortnite

The "I Participated in Capitalism and it felt Gross" Award

I started playing like a week and a half ago so I am still an absolute little baby. The first thing that happened when I launched the game for the first time was that it notified me that I had unlocked Radiohead lobby music. And then when I went into my first match it was utterly overwhelming with all the sound effects and shooting and dancing and constant quest progress updates and meters filling and things happening, meanwhile I was just trying to figure out what the buttons do because there's not really any tutorials and it was one of the most stressful 10 minutes of gaming of the entire year. I think the actual movement and shooting feels Fine and is just Good Enough because the actual good thing is playing this with other people. The shop is egregiously bad. The battlepass system is also horrific. We all know this. I spent eight dollars on the battlepass because the punk catgirl skin is cute. I hated how I felt when I did it. I will continue playing because fuckin whatever who gives a shit. I hope Epic Games crashes and burns but for the foreseeable future I will continue to have fun playing this with people. If you are a person who think it might be fun to play with me and see first-hand just how bad I am at video games, hit me up because that sounds like a fun time to me.

Bloodborne

Lady Maria Presents: The Lady Maria of the Astral Clocktower Award for Best Lady Maria of the Astral Clocktower

YES I played Bloodborne again this year, YES I will probably do it again in 2024. I finally beat Orphan of Kos!! The last time I played BB I smashed my head against Orphan for something like 10 or 12 hours and eventually gave up but this time I did it! I spent time grinding out as many blood vials as I could and making sure my weapon was as upgraded as was reasonable and then I beat Orphan of Kos in like 30 minutes of attempts!! What the fuck!! Easily one of the best feelings of triumph I've ever gotten in a Soulsborne game.

The Exit 8

The "What The Fuck Am I Doing Here" Award

I feel like I need to preface this by saying that I believe everyone; I take all y'alls word that this thing is incredible and amazing and everyone needs to play it ASAP without knowing anything about it because it is just incredible. I completely believe you all. But when I played this, I ran down a hallway for ten or fifteen minutes and nothing happen. I don't get it. I read every sign (as best I could, since it's mostly in Japanese anyway). I pressed every button on my keyboard. I tried to interact with the doors. I tried to interact with that guy that walks by. I found a sign that said to turn around if I see an anomaly. I don't know what an anomaly looks like and I can't tell if I've seen one. I ran down the hallway in one direction. Then I thought maybe I need to walk. Then I turned around and went the other way for a while. I don't get it. I can't get the game to work. I am too stupid to figure out the first puzzle(?) of the game. If I had a brain and could figure that out I bet this would be sick.

Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin

Best Game to Fistbump Your Homies To

What a cool fuckin video game!! Proof that Final Fantasy can still be good in the year 2023. I kind of hate how much this game gets memed on with all the "here to kill CHAOS!!!" stuff and people laughing at the Sinatra needle drops and fistbumps and whatever because while, yes, that stuff is objectively funny when you see it in the game, I think the game then does a lot of work to make you take that shit seriously and attaches emotional weight to it all that works in a truly sincere and honest way that I think the memes make people completely ignore. Jokin' around on twitter or whatever is all fun and good but please remember to engage with games on their own and actually think about the thing you are playing! It feels like this game is going to go down in history as some big meme when it's probably one of the best Final Fantasies in quite a while and I think that is absolutely fucking tragic.

Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous

Most Videogame

I never did write out a full review of this game and maybe I'll go back and do that at some point but basically it comes down to this: All the parts of this that are Pathfinder are atrocious tedious garbage and all the parts that are Wrath of the Righteous are wildly inconsistent in quality but the absolute best parts of it are barely better than mediocre. Pathfinder, as a system, is really only for the sickos who enjoy planning out their character and everything they will do at every level-up because the actual act of playing it and engagin with the combat is miserable. God bless the difficulty menu for letting me turn it down to the point of not having to give a shit about any of that. Also shoutouts to whoever at Owlbear said "hey maybe we shouldn't have the final dungeon suddenly bombard the player with negative levels and attribute damage" because that was a truly awful part of Kingmaker. Oh and the Crusade mode sure does suck ass, huh? I hope someday Owlbear makes a good video game. The thing in CRPGs that I love the most is meeting all the cool companions and hanging out with them and helping them solve their problems (or sometimes making them worse). And this game barely has that. There's like a dozen companions and I think I could name three or four of them and could only really tell you much about two of them Daeran and Arueshalae save this game from being completely devoid of anything good. Arueshalae is my sweet babygirl and Daeran is a twink in need of obliteration.

Celeste: Strawberry Jam

Best Game I Didn't Actually Play

I am not a Celeste Enjoyer because I am not a Platformer Enjoyer but I did watch my friend Carrie play through this and it's a genuinely incredible thing to see!! I really strongly suggest people check this out (either first-hand or watching videos) because it's wild to see how much work the Celeste community put into this thing. Custom art, new music, wholly new mechanics, and it's all arranged by difficulty so you can start at the beginning and work your way up! And they even added in tutorials so you don't have to know what a Ceiling Pop or whatever is because they'll just teach it to you! And, anyway, Celeste's assist mode is robust and people should be willing to turn that stuff on just to content tourism their way through what I think is one of the most impressive community endeavors I've seen in quite a long time.

Final Fantasy VII

The "I Swear To God I'm Going To Finish It If It Kills Me" Award

I have started this game like eight different times in the past and it never clicked for me so I never got more than an hour or two into it but finally FINALLY this year it is working for me in terms of my brain but no in terms of my fucking computer!! I built a new computer very recently and when I reinstalled the game, the cloud save was empty! Every time I saved it told me it was syncing the save file but it was lying to me!! Luckily, I had my old computer around still and was able to find the save there, so my meagre amount of progress was not wiped out. But then! My DS4 was absolutely haunted! Everything was configured the same as the old computer, everything is set up the same, but all the button mapping was wrong and nothing I did fixed it! I had the controller unplugged for a couple days for unrelated reasons and then worked up the energy to troubleshoot this and when I plugged it in it Simply Worked! So now I am determined. I WILL play this game and I WILL finish it in 2024.

Tabletop Simulator

The "I'm Tired Of Writing This List But Want To Add This One Too" Award

I played quite a bit of Tabletop Sim this year and had a lot of fun doing it! I've never been able to really get into board games or tabletop games because of a lack of friends to play with but this year I got to check some stuff out and have had a lot of fun with it! Even just loading into one of those big board games with a trillion pieces is fun just to look around at all the lil 3d models and flip through the cards. A lovely game that has given me a lot of lovely memories.

[namig42]

okay so two OC questions:

one, if you've made it to act 3, i'm very curious what Sahed's thoughts on Lorroakan are

two, in the backstory situation, does velora ever end up escaping? bc you personified her a bit too well and i'm a lil (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ ) at the thought of her just stuck down there forever

An ask? About my OCs? I'm so honored, I may just cry a little

First question! I'm still only in Act 1 of my Sahed run. I finished the Grove/Goblin situation and have just made it to the Underdark. Honestly, I have no clue how Sahed would react to Lorroakan yet! I'm still figuring out his dynamics with the rest of the party, let alone other NPCs. His dynamic with Astarion is really clear to me, but Gale and Shadowheart (my only two surviving companions at this point) are still a bit blurry, so I'm trying to piece it together. Give me like two weeks and I'll probably be in act 3 lol

Second question! So I wrote Velora's story as part of a side quest for a DnD campaign I'm writing, and I wanted her narrative to be tied to the main storyline. In the campaign, if and when the party does find her, she'll have been trapped in the cave for 20+ years at this point and kept barely alive by a barrier Sahed put into place. There's an elf named Elysia living in a bathhouse above the cave with her husband, and Elysia also happens to be a cleric. The poor girl managed to stumble upon the cave one day and found Velora, and Velora, in a moment of desperation, knocks Elysia out in order to maybe find a way to get the healing chains onto her instead. If Velora leaves the barrier, she has such little life force left, she'll die within minutes, so she needs something to keep powering the healing springs so she can use their powers to restore the life force stolen from her. If she can find a way to break her chains and put them on someone else who has strong healing powers similar to hers, she may be able to live.

With that backstory all established, there are multiple ways the party can handle this situation! They were asked by Elysia's husband to find the elf and rescue her, but would they leave poor Velora stranded down there? There are multiple outcomes, some that end well for everybody, and some that end poorly for everybody too. Depending on the party's choices, Velora can possibly be freed and be added to the party. She's grateful for being rescued and is interested in joining the party since they happen to be hunting some golden dragonborn that sounds oddly familiar to her heheheh. There are also versions where she either perishes or is left to rot, so you decide!

The story of how Velora ended up trapped in the first place is also pretty rough, so if anyone's interested, I'd be happy to share! I'm very proud of that whole side quest and how many possibilities there are.

[everyone-with-a-para]

(5/5) alright! arc four! once all the alola stuff wraps up, cole+my guy are...still fired from aether, not that they'd want to be associated with aether now anyway. so it's time to develop a new research angle, and This time it's working with professor burnet to develop a way for them to safely traverse the ultra wormholes that nebby can create. and where does the first one drop them but hisui, over 100 years in the past! and initially they're just. out in the wilderness. and they're not stuck as long as they have nebby, so they could leave, but they want to explore a bit instead of just dipping out because they can't see any signs of civilization. so they do a little wandering+luckily, instead of getting Attacked by anything, they run into the pearl clan's favourite warden: ingo! this ingo is distinctly different from my other para of him; this one has been living in hisui for like. At least ten years. maybe closer to 15. and he only vaguely remembers his home+has basically resigned himself to the fact that he's never gonna see anything even remotely close to it again...until he runs into this little group of very-obviously-modern travellers+is like Oh My God. he pretty much assumes the lot of them are fallers right away+starts fussing immediately, trying to orient them+get them somewhere safe, while THEY'RE all looking at each other like "is it just me or is that a unovan railway uniform. where the hell are we?"

either way, things get cleared up+ingo is...somewhat disappointed to discover that they're not in the same situation as him, but also relieved because good lord nobody deserves that. and they tell him "well we're gonna stay here for a little for research because this place has got pokemon we've never even HEARD of, but when we go we could try+see if we can get you back home." initially ingo declines because he has Duties here, but he *does* accompany them when they go on research because he knows the land better+doesn't want this group of kids (read: roughly 17-25 year olds) dying in the wilderness. and it's during this, while watching everybody Be A Family from the distance, that it occurs to him "ohhh i see. I Miss Having A Family. Badly." and it's not just having a family, it's also having Anyone who really understands him. as much as he's settled into hisuian culture, he's still an outsider from another time. so when it comes time for everyone to pack up+leave for real, he decides (with a bit of regret) to abandon his post as a warden+come with. part of it is the temptation of being able to actually Go Home, but it's also because everybody else has genuinely grown on him+he doesn't want to lose anybody he feels close to again. Found Family Complete. for now at least.

...and THAT'S the story as it stands! this could go a few different directions; right now i'm playing omega ruby+depending on how much i end up thinking about it everybody could end up getting plunked in hoenn. there's also obviously if, how, and when an emmet/ingo reunion happens but nothing concrete has been worked out for that. i'm trying not to go "oh my god this is fucking long" for the 70 millionth time because you DID say you were interested so um. thank you for reading. i REALLY hope this all sends in proper order+tumblr doesn't eat any of these asks lmao but if it does i can resend any of them. again: literally had to draft this in a word doc. can you believe this is the Short version of all this. i swear to god this is meant to be more truncated. i'm not even going into the symbolism of everyone's pokemon teams or anything. did you know genesect is here? fucking genesect has been here the whole time

@ninesecretsteps

Ingo mention Ingo mention Ingo mention!!!! (Can you tell I love him?)

Oogh I put Ingo in Hisui for 5-7 years depending on how I feel but people who do 10+ make me incredibly sad

My Ingo has very similar complicated feelings about his Duties and life he's made in Hisui vs the want to go home when Akari convinces (threatens) Arceus to let them. He very almost decides not to leave. It also doesn't help that he has no memories other than a flash of Emmet's face and the vague knowledge of a fire type pokemon. He's afraid of what he'll find or what he won't find because he just doesn't know whereas Hisui is Known and Predictable (and he's autistic) but also also Hisui never felt like Home. He's always been an outsider no matter how much of the clan eventually accepted him

My Ingo and Emmet do get a reunion and I daydream it a lot

Genesect:🧍

Thank you for sharing!!! I enjoyed reading these immensely!!!

[narcoticwriter]

itto

Thanks for the ask! I may or may not go hogwild, so it'll be under the cut:

Favorite Thing About Them?

How much this guy cares.

Someone's getting mistreated? He's backing them up.

A village of oni needs help? He's got it, no questions asked.

The Arataki Gang? He took them all in and accepts them as they are.

Stuck in a cavern? He'll punch his way out. Literally.

Youkai wanna have a festival? Well, he's on it and he'll do it all himself?

You graduate? He's arranging a whole celebration for your achievements.

He just cares so much about everything and he does so with an intensity that is fierce and an intensity that you can feel.

I love him.

Least Favorite Thing About Them?

I'll be the first to say that I would like for him to think on occasion.

The intensity with which he acts on things without reasoning through them gets him into more trouble than not.

I guarantee you that if he actually took things into consideration, he'd have had a bit more success in his life.

He can still do the damn thing, but at least he wouldn't be running in blind.

Favorite Line?

Boy, do I have a lot of them. I'll do the top three starting from the bottom:

"Hey, this is the mighty Arataki "Above All, Bold-Blooded" Itto you're talking to here! I'm a say-what-I-mean, mean-what-I-say, might-sound-mean-but-I-say-it-anyway kinda guy. And I say, we're gonna have this duel!" (The delivery)

"What can you possibly find inside? It can't be a living person, can it, hahaha... Whoa!" (Again, the delivery)

Arataki Itto: Hello (The line that reeled me in)

BONUS: "If you wanna take my Vision, you're gonna need a lot more people. 'Cause I'm Arataki Itto, The Supreme, The One and Oni!" (Character Demo, this shit dragged me into Genshin Impact in the first place)

BROTP?

Itto, Thoma, and Ayato are already a given and pretty much the closet thing to canon but hear me out:

Itto and Bennett.

They would get along so well because Bennett would be like 'oh no my bad luck' and Itto would be like 'that's nonsense because you're like one of the best guys I've met'.

They'd go adventuring too.

ALSO: Itto and Eula. They're not as similar as you'd think, but we already KNOW that Itto wouldn't tolerate people treating Eula bad over something she can't control because he knows all about that.

Itto and Zhongli but I'm already doing something with that one-

OTP?

You see, the only one I can see for me personally is Itto and Sara, but even then, I'd want them to be friends first.

The dynamics of them both being youkai as well as their own individuals struggling around that identity have so much potential, I'm telling you.

Other than that, I haven't seen any, but I will say that there's a case for Itto and Yoimiya. Just a bit. It's not my favorite, but I see where people are coming from with that one.

So in general, even if you did see me in my Ittosara phase, I'm over it and just want people to be friends with each other I guess.

NOTP?

. . . I don't have any? I think? Besides the obvious ones involving literal children?

I don't actively decry any ships that have some basis, really.

Random Headcanon?

You cannot tell me that this man wouldn't try snorting Pixy Sticks at least once.

Unpopular Opinion?

I really don't get why people only see him as an idiot.

He has his moments, sure, but in multiple instances, he's shown an incredible aptitude for reading certain situations and managing to solve the problem as well as gain the respect of others.

There's also the horniness and while I am the last person to bash people for anything of the sort, that seems to be the majority of the content for him.

I like digging deep into characters and really forming attachments to them based on the attributes I see and on occasion, I'm disheartened by the fact that I seem to be the only one who does.

But hey, who else is going to do the work if not me?

Song I Associate With Them?

Oh, this is interesting. I obviously associate his theme with him, but I feel as if that's too easy . . .

Got it. Escape From The City or City Escape from the Sonic Adventure 2 OST. The lyrics, the music, the sound . . .

It's definitely Itto.

Favorite Picture of Them?

I'm sure you can understand why.

Ask

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

'Shit Happens'

This is a post about parenthood and life philosophies and moral codes and how childhood experience (read: trauma) informs all of this stuff. It's also just an anecdote about Shit Happening yesterday. I know I always make this disclaimer, which is probably also born out of Childhood Experience, but I still feel compelled to, so...it's gonna be another rambler.

So I'll start way back in the day, when J and I were growing up. We were both poor. I mean, I didn't really register 'poor' when I was a kid, because everyone around me was also in the same socioeconomic place; my whole extended family; all the kids I went to elementary school with...because it was a small town/neighborhood school. But then we moved to a bigger district where there was a broader range of kids, which was good in some ways (more ethnic/racial/religious diversity; more resources because it's bigger and has more taxpayers paying in and some of those taxpayers are outside of 'poor working class'...), but that was when it became apparent to me that I was a poor kid. I lived in an apartment; the friends I was making in honors classes all lived in single family houses with yards and some of them had campers or boats parked around extended driveways and some of them even had in-ground pools in the back yard. Even if my emotional situation was better at home with my parents, I admit I'd have still been wary if not outright ashamed to invite my friends to my house (apartment), because they all lived in what I considered at the time practically mansions in nice neighborhoods (they lived in neighborhoods similar to the one J and I live in now, in homes like the one J and I live in now, and we have a camper now, and we're still not anywhere near 'rich,' but just for some realistic perspective removed from scraping by youth). J KNEW he was poor from his first sentient memories. His family used public assistance. He got free coats from charities at Christmas. He started working on his sixteenth birthday because he had to help his family, not just to save up for a car or work his way through college (which he did both those things, but I'm saying...J paid utility bills in high school). We both did without a lot of stuff as kids/teenagers. I remember when I got invited to Junior Prom (I know it was a pity date, because my friends who had dates for some reason wanted me to go, so a friend of one of their boyfriends asked me...like...I should have probably just stuck to 'no' but c'est la vie), I went shopping for a dress with my mom (I had to buy a dress; Pity Date bought the tickets and flowers and paid for dinner; we didn't get a limo of anything weird like that; he drove his dad's 1987 dark brown Cutlass), she said, "Jesus Christ, are they all over $100?!" I found a subdued, modest black dress for like $79 off the sale rack and wore it to every dance I got invited to, including the first company Christmas party I went to at my first job out of college. J never went to a prom. I didn't go to any extra-curricular stuff at school until I worked to pay the $2 admission tickets and $.50 Cokes in foam coffee cup concession prices myself. J didn't even do any of that. And when something happened that was largely or entirely out of our control that cost money (car accident, health problem, technology need for school like a scientific calculator, unexpected need to borrow a car/get gas, etc.), even though it was accidental or unpreventable or otherwise not really 'our fault,' there were consequences for us. I felt guilty when I was five and I broke my arm because I tripped over an untied shoelace. It was 'my fault.' I was careless. It cost my parents time and money going to an emergency room for x-rays and a cast. If J dropped his scientific calculator for high school higher math, and it broke, his choices would be to do without one now or find a way to fix it himself. We wouldn't get to borrow the car or the extra gas. If there was a problem that it took money to fix, it probably wouldn't get fixed, and if it did, we'd have been punished in some way for it; making up the expense somehow with work, hearing about it constantly up to and including verbal abuse.

Which brings me to yesterday. Our son's cell phone fell out of his pocket at school drop off yesterday morning. He didn't notice it. I didn't notice it. The school traffic monitors didn't notice it. Until our son was inside school. He called me on a friend's phone to check the car for it and please bring it to school for him. It wasn't in the car, or at home. It hit the ground in the parking lot, in the path of the line of drop off cars. It got run over at least once. Hell, I may have run over it myself. So The Boy spent yesterday at high school without a phone. J bought him a replacement and I picked it up for him during the day, so by pick up time, he had a new phone. And this conversation happened:

Boy: You and Dad already got me a new phone?! I should take the money (saved Christmas and birthday money for several years) in my wallet and pay Dad.

Me: No you don't. It's fine. You don't owe Dad for a freak accident.

Boy: It fell out of my pocket so there should be consequences.

Me: Not when it's not your fault, kiddo. ❤️

See, J feels good based on who he is and how he grew up that he could just take care of the problem for our son. And based on who I am and how I grew up, I wanted my son to know we're here to support and help him, especially when, as J says, 'Shit happens,' but even when he actually has made a truly careless or intentional mistake. We have made a lot of deliberate parenting decisions to try and spare and protect our son from taking too much responsibility or feeling guilty for things that aren't in his control...like accidents and the actions and behaviors and feelings of other people. But I realized that in spite of the choices we've made, our son can't help but have learned to model our own behaviors...where we take a lot of responsibility for not only ourselves, but events beyond our scope of control and the actions and behaviors and feelings of other people.

So now we're down to trying to help our son cope with and understand his tendency to do that while simultaneously dealing with understanding why we do it and coping with our tendencies to do it.

[halloumie]

6 July 2023

i think i have given up. i'm still going through the motions of course of applying for jobs, going to interviews, but i have truly given up. i suppose anyone in this position would. most importantly, i'm tired of feeling disappointed from receiving multiple interview rejections.

and i see a bunch of people on reddit who graduated years ago and try forever, for 2 years or so, to get into a career without success and i don't want to hold out feeling terrible for the rest of my life.

woke up with a throbbing headache that is still here. spoke to another career coach, whose services i'm not considering seriously due to his extraordinate, extornionate prices. he and his colleague were puzzled that i wasn't getting any jobs, then they grew steadily convinced that i was doing badly for interviews and scrabbled for excuses to blame me (ie it was supposed to be a telephone call, but the place i live in has really bad reception so i ask for a teleconference instead. so i kept the camera off to emulate a phone call and also since i just woke up and they said, do you really keep the camera off for all interviews? how big of an idiot do you think i am?)

it can't be that i have the social graces of a potato. and it can't be that i don't prepare for interviews as i do. i run over potential questions with chat gpt and keep some main points in mind. i look up the job and the company and keep the important details in my head. it also, realistically, cannot be that interviewers are bloodhounds and can sniff my suspicions that i will never get a job/ my fatigue. i know folks who are on the spectrum who get jobs, so it's not like they're unemployed forever.

so i don't know what it is. i'm not an evil wicked witch and i'm also not a raging criminal. maybe i am really that unlikable or unlucky and what is there to do about that? maybe i will slog for 5 or 10 years or for the rest of my life like sisyphus and the least i can do is sometimes manage to laugh about it.

and i suppose i could try to analyse these feelings, since it looks like i'm in for the long haul. i feel fatigued from the extreme anxiety, worry and helplessness and most of all fatigued of the fatigue. i keep wanting to come up with better snarkier answers for people who have no empathy for my situation.

i'm also angry i suppose at the absurdity of these reddit posts ranting about the same situation, then followed up by an edit "guys, i got the job!". if anyone's ever had to interview for a job at this rate, then got it, i'm probably the other candidate that didn't get it.

i'm also trying to think if i've ever been in a similar situation where i've been stuck for years on end. i suppose one is that i felt like i was stuck in sg for over a decade, but then i moved and all of a sudden i just didn't have to deal with feeling like that anymore. it just so happened that there was a visa and that i'm with an irish person.

i try not to be sucked into thinking it's over, and it's truly over. it's just so tempting. the thought that i'll rack up hundreds, if not thousands of interviews and somehow still never get a job. my whole personality has become the person who is trying to get a job.

so what can i do? my head hurts.

[zepskies]

Aww I'm so glad to hear that, because I love every time I get to come back to the BMD-verse! 💓💓 Very excited to dive into your thoughts here.~

I've said it before but I love what you've created with the BMD verse and especially how you've captured Ben as a nuanced character.

Thank you so much. 🥹🥹 I try my best to give Ben a new angle of growth and dimension every time I write a new chapter of the BMD world, but also for the reader as well! Neither of them are perfect, which you so aptly pointed out here.

Ben should not be dictating (or in this case implying) what the reader should be doing with regards to her job.

Neither of them are completely right in this argument, but neither are they completely wrong (my favorite kinds of arguments and conflicts to create between these two, or of any conflict I try to write). Thank you for seeing both sides of it. While you understand Ben's POV of wanting to do what he can to protect his family, he's not entirely going about it the right way. Because damn right, his wife is a badass, and he should know very well by now.

But, his later points that "just being near him is dangerous" to her will especially call back to Wake Me Up, when that mini series comes out in May lol.

At the same time, it's not right for the reader to assume he's "stuck in the past," because she knows damn well that he's grown a lot since she first met him. In her defensiveness, she's not properly "hearing" him.

I thought it was very interesting you included how Lila got scared of Ben shouting during their argument. I think a lot of us that grew up in a two parent household can remember when we heard our dads got loud when we were little and we all had similar reactions of I don't like this loud noise.

Yeah, this aspect of the story came from my own experience, unfortunately. Not when I was that young, but there was a lot of verbal conflict and arguments in my house growing up.

And the whole idea that sparked Calculated Risks was trying to think of a situation in which the more unsavory parts of Ben's personality (in this case his temper) got the best of him, and sparked fear in his own daughter. How would he deal with that? And how would he have to self-reflect on his behavior? That growth will benefit him later on when he has a son. Hopefully by then, he won't be so quick to say "just toughen up, kid. Don't be a crybaby."

(Ha! He really is wrapped around Lila's finger. 😂)

I love how with the bad guy escaping, fighting the reader and grabbing Lila kind of proved Ben's point of it not being safe BUT he never explicitly states that despite all that, the reader should stay home from then on. He let's HER make that decision for herself and despite it being what Ben may have ultimately wanted, I really like that she got there on her own without him pushing her in the end.

That's exactly it!!! That's what I was going for with the whole Slingshot episode. It proved his point about her working for the S.A., but still, he knew he wasn't going to be able to make the decision for her. And she ultimately realized where he was coming from in order to find a solution they could both live with in order to protect their family.

The characters were all on point and I thought the fight scenes were fun and perfectly in line with what we'd expect from The Boys. I love Frank too and that he's kinda fit in with their life and is clearly someone both the reader and Ben trust.

Hahaa thank you so much!! I try to make it feel like The Boys as much as possible. And the return of Frank, yes!!! (And Loco, though he didn't get any lines this time.)

Frank has a special place in my heart, and he's now ingratiated in their family dynamic while getting to restore his life as a member of society, rather than being a criminal (not unlike Ben).

Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts with me on this one! I always love and appreciate it. 💕💕

Calculated Risks

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x F. Reader

Summary: You and Ben argue about your commitment to being a working mom. When a rogue supe gets loose at Supe Affairs, mayhem ensues, putting not only your life at risk, but your daughter’s as well.

AN: Welcome back to the BMD-verse, friends! Did you miss these two as much as I did? Plus, get ready for a heavy dose of fan-favorite Frank. (And Lila, of course!)

Word Count: 7K

Tags/Warnings: Familiar bickering, a mission gone awry, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff.

Catch up on the BMD-verse. ⤵️

💚 Break Me Down Masterlist

In four years of marriage, one thing that had never changed between you and Ben was this.

“All right, you’re being a little too much right now,” you said in irritation. “Of course I’m not sitting this one out. I’m the one who found us the damn lead in the first place.”

The man was following you from the adjoining bathroom and back into your shared bedroom, where you began getting dressed for work in the blouse and pencil skirt you’d laid out for yourself.

Your husband had already donned his supe suit, sans helmet. He stood just behind you with his arms crossed, a familiar surly frown on his face. When you turned around, he hadn’t moved an inch.

“I’m being too much? You’re the one who’s not being fucking reasonable,” he said.

You rolled your eyes and moved past him to find your shoes. For this skirt, you really needed heels. Your most comfortable black pumps would do. You grabbed the closet doorknob for balance as you slipped them on, giving him a look of exasperation.

Ben held firm on his stance, but inside, he had a feeling you’d chosen this outfit on purpose. You knew he liked this whole sexcretary look on you, with your hair let down around your shoulders. The skirt and heels just brought his eyes to the delectable curve of your ass.

But again, he was holding firm.

He’d been called in on this case partly because Annie was on maternity leave. She was due in just a few weeks. Which meant “Soldier Boy” was definitely needed to help out Butcher and his merry band of assholes. By now, Ben had gotten used to them.  

“Look,” you said, “Slingshot has been causing a lot of havoc, and the police haven’t been able to catch him. You heard Grace. This is an ‘all hands on deck’ situation.”

“She always says that shit. Doesn’t make it true,” Ben retorted.

“This time it is,” you said. “I’ve already put in tons of man hours on surveillance for this guy. I want to get him off the street.”

Ben held you by your arms. “That’s exactly my point. You’ve been putting in way too many hours.”

You shook your head. He just didn’t get it.

“If I hadn’t, we wouldn’t have this opening now,” you said. You gave him a smile to try and lighten him. “Now he’s all teed up for you and the guys. This should be in and out. Practically a milk run for you.”

“Yeah, but not for you,” he pointed out. “And not for Lila. You’re stretching yourself too damn thin. It’s not like we need the money.”

Ahh, now we get to it, you thought. Yet again, he was bringing this up. In his mind, you should’ve cut your hours at Supe Affairs after Lila was born.

You did take an extended maternity leave of an entire year and a half, which was much more than women usually got from their jobs. However, because of your relationship with Grace and the entire team, you’d been allowed to come back whenever you felt ready. 

Ben had often felt it necessary to point out that with his money, you didn’t have to work at all. 

He knew very well that for you, this work was more than a job. 

“I’m not the first working mom in existence, Ben,” you said, pushing out of his hold. “And I’ll remind you that Supe Affairs has a great daycare program. Lila’s very happy there.”

Plus, she was almost three and a half years old. In less than a year, Lila would be off to preschool.

“And look, it’s not about the money,” you added. “I told you before Lila was born. I am a mother, and I’m your wife. But I’m still me.”

Ben processed that for a moment, meeting your gaze.

“The situation’s changed,” he replied. He grasped your hips this time. His thumb gently brushed over your belly, which had a small bump under your high-waisted skirt. 

You were finally pregnant again. Three months, in fact, and you were having a boy. You knew that Ben had several reasons to be more protective than usual…but still. You thought you were already taking every precaution to keep you and your children safe, even with the occasionally extensive hours of your job.

“These cases can be long and difficult, not to mention dangerous,” said Ben. His green eyes met yours as he looked down at you through furrowed brows. “You’re putting yourself at risk.”

You blew out a breath and tried to placate him, soothing a hand over his chest. 

“I’ve stopped doing field missions,” you pointed out. “And Supe Affairs is the most secure building in the city. Do you think I would bring Lila there if it wasn’t?”

The security team at the S.A. was bar none, not only because Loco was a part of that team. Frank was also your personal bodyguard; Ben hired him back when you found out you were pregnant with Lila.

In fact, Frank was coming to the house in a few minutes to pick you all up.

Ben frowned. “I think you’re being stubborn just to be fucking stubborn.”

That sparked at your temper. Again, you withdrew from his arms and crossed yours.

“I think you need to face the fact that I’m protected as well as I can be,” you said. “I also think that you’re trying to use this as a way to shoehorn me into some antiquated idea of what you still think a wife should be. I’m gonna tell you right now. That’s not me! It’s never been me. And you know that.”

He opened his mouth to give an angry retort, but you beat him to it.

“It’s like you don’t even care about what I want,” you snapped. “Just what you think is right—for me to be here waiting for you to come home, quite literally barefoot and pregnant, ready to rub your balls!”

Cliché as it might’ve been to say, if the shoe fit, then you were certainly not going to be the one to wear it.

“You know what, you can accuse me of being stuck in the fucking past all you want,” Ben said, raising a finger, as well as his voice. “But the problem here isn’t me. It’s that what you want is goddamn idiotic!”

Your mouth fell agape. “Excuse me?! I can’t even believe you right now!”

Ben fairly loomed above you when he shouted back.

“Well, that makes fucking two of us!”

His voice was loud enough to reverberate on the walls. You even flinched, but you held your ground with a glare…

Until you heard a whimper.

You and Ben paused, and turned to find Lila. The three-year-old was cowering a bit in the doorway to your bedroom. Her eyes welled up with tears, and she began to cry.

Your heart broke.

“Oh, honey,” you breathed. You were both apologetic and mortified as you quickly went to her.

Ben was close behind you, but while Lila was quick to melt into your arms when you picked her up, she shied away from his attempt to reach out to her. What would’ve been a placating hand on her head, turned into him pausing in surprise when she ducked.

“Lila?” he prodded.

He tried to mask how put out he was by his daughter hiding her face from him, burrowing into your neck instead. She was usually a daddy’s girl, through and through.

You shot him a knowing frown, while rubbing her back in comfort.

“It’s okay, baby,” you told her. “Your dad and I were just…talking. He didn’t mean to shout.”

When Lila only whimpered in response, Ben’s gaze dimmed in understanding. His lips pursed.

You saw that look on his face, and you wanted to sigh. Part of you felt bad for him, at the way Lila had flinched away from her father. In a way though, maybe it was a lesson he needed to learn.

Frank arrived a few minutes later in a black SUV, like he did every weekday morning to bring you all to work. Ben was quiet and taciturn climbing into the backseat on one side, and you clipped Lila into her car seat from the other side. He still made sure that she was strapped in correctly, and even tried to earn his daughter’s gaze.

She snuck a glance at him a couple of times, but quickly lowered it to play with one of her favorite stuffed animal toys (a little German shepherd that he had gotten for her).

Ben let out a long breath through his nose. He gave Frank a nod through the rearview mirror, and the other man peeled away from the house.

The four of you rode in silence away from your house in Scarsdale, towards New York City.

Ben’s mood remained grim, even when you all got to Supe Affairs. Frank held back while you and Ben stopped in the hallway with Lila. You were carrying her, and she was holding onto you and her stuffed animal like a lifeline instead of looking anywhere else—namely at Ben.

You sighed and tried to pull her back enough to see her face.

“Daddy’s gotta go to work now. Want to say goodbye?” you encouraged.

All Lila could manage was a shy look in his direction. Ben laid a gentle hand on her head, over her dark hair.

“Bye, sweetheart,” he said.

Lila didn’t answer him. She just bit her lip and stayed withdrawn.

You and Ben shared a glance. He was hiding it well behind his usual stoicism, but this was hurting him. There wasn’t much either of you could do about it now, however. You both had work to do, and the mission would have to come first.

“I’ll be online in a bit,” you told him. 

First, you needed to take Lila up to daycare before Frank accompanied you to your office. There you’d be able to join the mission from your computer and put your headset on. Aside from surveillance, you were their virtual eyes on missions. 

So Ben tacitly agreed, and the two of you parted ways.

You went up to the second floor to drop Lila off at daycare, where you set her onto her feet. You could see that she was quiet and almost sad, not as bright and talkative as usual. And she was clinging to your hand. You bent down the best you could in your skirt, so you could meet her eyes.

“Are you still upset with your dad?” you asked. 

After a moment, Lila replied, “Daddy’s loud.”

You couldn’t help a rueful smile. 

“Yeah, he can be,” you nodded. “But he’s gonna work on that, okay? He loves you very much.”

She finally smiled a little when you pressed a few sweet kisses to her cheeks. You felt a little better about leaving her with Sarah, the woman who ran the daycare center. She was kind, but well-organized, and good at her job of wrangling fifteen or so toddlers on a daily basis.

And she was hovering off to the side with a smile, waiting to shepherd Lila over to where the rest of the group were starting at the arts and crafts table.

“Okay, baby. I love you. I’m just downstairs if you need me,” you said, caressing Lila’s cheeks, brushing her hair away from her face.

She nodded and waved goodbye. Sarah then stepped in and guided the girl over to the crafts table. The other kids were already drawing and coloring with crayons and markers.

With a sigh, you knew you had to get to work. You joined Frank out in the hall.

“Did something happen this morning?” he asked. You gave him a weary look.

“Something always happens. I’ll fill you in when we hit the elevator,” you said.

“Kids are resilient. She’ll bounce back,” said Frank, when you two got off the elevator down to the basement, under the first floor. This was where the “heavy stuff” happened at the S.A.

“That’s not the point, Frank. He hasn’t snapped at me like that in a long time, and he really scared her. That’s not fucking okay,” you said. “He needs to learn to control his goddamn temper.”

He sent you a knowing glance. You rolled your eyes.

“Okay, I know I don’t always help. But in this case, I was justified,” you said. “Ben was being an ass.”

“Right,” Frank nodded. “It’s not at all that he’s worried about you.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “Whose side are you on?”

The man remained silent, but his stoic face wasn’t fooling you. He’d been your friend for much too long, and he knew Ben just as well…which was why you found yourself reconsidering what happened this morning.

“You really think he has a point?” you asked. “Am I working too much?”

Frank shook his head and opened the door for you into the Surveillance Department. The two of you ventured to your office, where your quadruple monitor setup was waiting for you. He also had a desk for himself, since he often spent the long hours of your day with you.

“When you were pregnant with Lila, you were on maternity leave by now,” he pointed out.

“Because we had no idea what was going to happen,” you countered. You went to your desk and started up your computer. “I had to meet with Tonya once a week, ultrasounds and blood tests all the time, making sure Lila was healthy, that I was healthy. This time around, we have a better idea of what to expect.”

For example, you were experiencing bouts of super strength once again, but it was still intermittent. Although, you pretty much never needed coffee. Maybe the supe genes coursing through your system, thanks to your unborn son, was part of the reason why you’d been able to go such long hours for these cases.

He's already brightening up my life, you thought with a little smile, holding a hand over your lower belly.

“It’s your choice,” Frank said at last. “But it is possible that Ben cares about more than just making you a suburban housewife.”

At that, you sighed. There was nothing wrong with being a housewife, you knew. It just wasn’t…you.

Once your computer and monitors were booted up, you connected to the right channels and put on your headset.

Already you could hear M.M. bitching about keeping the weapons trunk organized, not just tossing things in haphazardly. 

“It’s a simple fucking system, Frenchie. You can at least abide by it,” M.M. said. “We don’t have time to be scratching our asses while you try to find a—”

“Hey, Bert and Ernie. Would you shut the fuck up already?” Ben groused.

Your mouth twitched at his grumpiness.

“A little testy this morning, ey guv?” Butcher remarked.

“Gargle my ball sack,” Ben replied, with an even grouchier deadpan than usual.

“Do you kiss your child with that mouth?” Frenchie teased. 

“Nah, just your mother’s French hole,” Ben slung back. You rolled your eyes. 

“All right, all right. Put the measuring tapes away,” you interrupted. “I’m online, locked on your GPS.”

“Well, if it ain’t Mrs. America herself,” Butcher drawled. “Got a lock on Slingshot’s location for us?” 

“You know it,” you replied. “Sending to the group chat now. Slingshot’s been spotted entering a strip club in Chinatown.” 

“Jeez. A little early for tits and booze. It’s 10:00 a.m. on a Tuesday,” said Hughie.

You heard Ben huff in amusement. “It’s never too early.”

You snorted at that.

“Right. I’ll remember that next time you fall asleep watching Family Feud,” you clipped back.

You heard the other guys trying not to laugh as they got into Butcher’s van. Part of you felt bad for teasing Ben, knowing he was already in a bad mood, but you were feeling a bit petty about what happened this morning.

You had to bite your lip against a smile, as you could picture the ill-tempered face your man was likely sporting.

And we’re off.

Lila wasn’t having a good day. 

She didn’t feel like coloring, and the toys just weren’t fun today.

She just didn’t want to be here. The other kids smelled like old Cheetos and feet (especially the boys).

She missed you. And though she hadn’t wanted to admit it to you, she missed Daddy too.

Lila wanted to go home…she wanted her mom. 

“I’m just downstairs if you need me,” you’d said.

Lila had a kind of plan percolating in her mind, all through the morning, and even through lunch time. She didn’t want to get in trouble, but when she’d asked Miss Sarah if she could go see you, she’d said you were at work and couldn’t come get Lila until later. 

But that’s not what Mommy said, Lila thought.  

After lunch, she laid on the napping mat with her pillow and blanket, even though she was wide awake. She didn’t want to nap with the other kids, even though Miss Sarah told her it was time to sleep. 

Again, Lila didn’t want to be bad. She didn’t want to get in trouble either, but she really, really just wanted to see you.

And you’d said it was okay to go downstairs if she needed you, right?

Lila closed her eyes while Miss Sarah was looking, but she waited until the teacher went into her office to answer a call. Then, Lila carefully put Charlie, her stuffed dog, against her pillow, tucking the blanket up to his neck. 

She crawled off her mat and snuck over to the door while Miss Sarah was distracted on her phone. Lila reached up and was just tall enough to twist the doorknob. It led her out of the room, and out into the empty hall. She then looked both ways for a clue on where to go. 

She heard a ding, and looked over at a nearby pair of elevators.

The mission went more or less according to plan. Slingshot’s abilities allowed him to stretch every part of his body like elastic. It not only made him hard to catch, but even harder to maim without collateral damage. 

A whole block in Chinatown was wrecked in the takedown, but your idea of ripping the cables from a nearby utility pole to electrocute him let Ben finally subdue the elastic supe. Kimiko knocked him out, and Butcher slapped some tight-ass cuffs on him and dragged him into the van. They returned with the rogue supe in custody. 

You were mentally exhausted from helping them track down routes to pin down Slingshot, but you were relieved to be done. You were also satisfied that another danger to society was neutralized, for now.

You took pride in your work, and you didn’t think Ben saw that, or thought it was important. You supposed that was what upset you the most about that fight with him.

Sometimes, you wondered if he would ever truly change.

You grabbed your purse and made sure to slip in your gun and taser. You left your office and greeted Frank, who had just finished making his rounds in the building with Loco’s team. Frank joined you on the way to the elevator.

“I meant to ask you, how’s Alana doing?” you asked. Alana was his daughter, who was now in college.

“She’s changed her major yet again,” he said wryly. “This time to philosophy.”

“Philosophy? That’s interesting. What does she want to do with that?” you asked.

“No fucking clue,” he replied, hitting the button for the first floor. “I just hope she gets bored and picks something practical. Like…teaching, or dentistry.”

You shot him a bemused look. “Dentistry?”

“As much money as I put into that girl’s braces, it’d be good for her to pay it forward,” Frank said, in a surly tone that reminded you of Ben. You had to laugh.

You and Frank exited the elevator and started down the hall.

You planned to touch base with Grace Mallory on the safety measures of Slingshot’s containment before he was put into custody. The idea was to house him in a prison cell that could actually hold him until he went through the legal process. 

But you’d only gotten halfway down the hall before the supe in question literally stretched past you on unnaturally long legs—in a blur of his white and blue supe suit. Your eyes widened on a gasp as you watched him head toward the elevator you’d just come off of. 

“Fuckin’ hell, we’ve got a runner!” Butcher shouted from down the hall. He along with Ben, M.M., Frenchie, Hughie, and Kimiko were rushing your way. 

It all happened so fast. 

You registered Frank shooting out a protective arm in front of you. You turned back to see the elevator doors had opened back up, and Slingshot rushed inside. He made eye contact with you.

Then his arms shot out like rubber bands. One of them knocked Frank into the far wall. You gasped and froze on reflex. 

Ben shouted your name; he was running towards you, getting closer. You were able to meet his wide eyes for a brief moment. He reached out for you, but those stretching arms closed around you first. You gasped when they slung you backwards.

You cried out in shock when your back met a surprisingly solid chest.

Meanwhile, Ben barreled the rest of the way down the hall as the elevators closed just short of his angrily furrowed face.

The stretched arms holding you were tight around your torso, making your grit your teeth as you tried to pull away. They twisted you around so you could face your captor. Or so he could see you.

His natural height was around Butcher’s—dark hair, blue eyes, angular features. He gave you what was probably meant to be a suave smile as those baby blues dragged down your body.

“Hey, baby. Nice heels,” he said. You rolled your eyes.

“So that’s why they call you Slingshot,” you said, still a bit breathless. The elevator started to move. He’d chosen the top floor. “Where do you think you’re gonna go?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” he snarked. “Anywhere but here. And you’re gonna help me.”

“How? Being a human shield?”

“For a start,” he smirked down at you. He backed up a step just to take another proper look at you, and he whistled lowly. He took your chin between his sweaty fingers, making you grimace when he stroked your cheek. 

“Down boy,” you said warily. “Trust me, you really don’t want to do this.”

This jackass hadn’t even realized you had a small, but noticeable baby bump.

“Why not, babe?” he grinned. “You’ve got the whole sexy librarian thing going on.” 

You heard a loud creaking sound outside the elevator doors. The compartment itself came to an abrupt stop, making the lights flicker. 

“What the fuck?” Slingshot muttered. His hold around you loosened. 

You had an idea of what just happened, with grim satisfaction. You also took advantage of his distraction and managed to slip a hand into your purse.

You pulled out your taser. Slingshot noticed and tried to grab you again, but the elevator somehow started to move in reverse, about a foot a time. It made both of you lose your balance and utter sounds of surprise.  

As soon as you regained your footing, you aimed the taser at the most sensitive place you could think of—the supe’s dick and balls.

His howls of pain were loud enough to reach Ben, Frank, and the rest of the team on the third floor. Ben’s face became edged with a smirk. 

He kept pulling the elevator cables down until the compartment’s doors were in reach. There he grabbed the doors and pulled them open with his bare hands, crunching metal under his fingers. The moment he saw you, the relief in your eyes, he grabbed your hand and pulled you out, into his arms. 

Slingshot was angry, though he managed to recover, rip off the taser’s metal prongs and wires, and evade Kimiko, M.M., and even Butcher when he slithered his way out of the elevator and around their guns. The bullets ricocheted off the walls, and off his body as they followed him down the hall.

Ben focused on you. He brushed his half-gloved hands over your shoulders and sides while he quickly looked you over. There was worry in his eyes, disguised as anger. You caught your breath and held a protective hand over your lower belly out of reflex. 

“You okay?” he said, but you were already nodding before he asked.

“I’m fine,” you replied. “Just get him. I’ll get Lila.” 

Ben nodded. He shot one last firm look at Frank, who was back at your side. Frank laid a hand on your shoulder as Ben took off down the hall to find Slingshot. 

“The stairs are safer at this point,” Frank said. 

“I would have to agree,” you said, steeling yourself with a breath. 

While you and Frank went downstairs to the second floor, you didn’t see the second elevator ding, its doors opening to your daughter, who ambled out alone. She looked one way down the hall, but hearing her father’s voice carrying down the opposite way, she started venturing in that direction.

If she couldn’t find you, then she’d find her dad. 

“What the hell do you mean you lost her?” you shouted at Sarah, the woman who was supposed to be looking after your daughter. “How do you lose a three-year-old at nap time? What kind of incompetent fuck are you?”

Yes, Ben had unfortunately rubbed off on you. 

Sarah was in tears by the time you were not even halfway done, but Frank calmed you down with another touch to your shoulder. You had tears of panic stinging in your eyes when you met his gaze, your mouth trembling.

“I just radioed in and put Loco and the rest of the security team on looking for Lila. She can’t have gotten far,” he said. 

“Come on! Keep up with me, old man,” Slingshot taunted at Ben. His super flexibility allowed him to keep several steps ahead, dodging any attempts to grab him and any weapons fired with easy dips and playful deflection. 

“When I get my hands on you, you flaccid fuck, you won’t know your ass from your ball sack,” Ben growled. 

But he crashed into the wall when he took a corner too hard trying to tackle the other supe. He picked himself up from the debris of crumbled wall and plaster, ignoring Kimiko’s offer of a helping hand. 

“Big fucking talk from the walking AARP commercial,” Slingshot snorted. He turned around and once again prepared to run. “Try not to shatter a hip, asshole!”

He took off down another bend in the hallway. Meanwhile, Ben shook himself off and joined the others in running after this cocksucker. Ben looked over at Butcher.

“What’s your fucking plan?” he grated out. 

Butcher seemed to have an idea growing in his mind. “What’d she do to him in that elevator?”

“Tased his dick, by the sound of it,” Ben replied. He knew what weapons you kept in your purse, and that you'd know better than to fire a gun in an enclosed elevator. Butcher snapped his fingers.

“Electricity. Bloody brilliant,” he said. He pointed at Hughie and grabbed Frenchie by the collar. “You, with me. I’ve got an idea. The rest of ya, get him pinned down.”

“Easier said than done, motherfucker,” M.M. grumbled. But he followed Ben and Kimiko to find their errant supe. 

Slingshot played a cocky game, but inside, there was fear. 

They’d caught him once, and now, this building was crawling with security, let alone the assholes chasing him.

He was panting for breath when he nearly ran straight into…a kid? 

She was wandering around, trying to open a locked door. He skidded to a stop in front of her, and she looked up at him wide-eyed. He tilted his head. She was a cute little thing with brown hair and green eyes. She wore a blouse with cartoon ducks on it over her jeans and sunshine-yellow shoes. 

“Hey, cutie. Where you going?” asked Slingshot. “Are you lost?”

“Looking for my mom,” she answered, a bit timidly. The supe gave her an easy smile; inside, he knew he’d just found his collateral, and his ticket out of here. 

“Okay. What’s your name?” he asked. 

“L…Lila,” she said. 

“Pretty name for a pretty girl,” he said, with all due charm. He struck a pose, with his fists held up to his waist. “I can help you, Lila. I’m a superhero.”

Her eyes widened. “Really? Like Daddy?”

“Oh, yeah. Your dad and I are friends.” Never mind that he had no fucking clue who her daddy was. He offered her his hand. 

Now, Lila knew not to talk to strangers, but if he knew her dad… 

After a moment of reluctant indecision, she took his hand. Slingshot tapered a smirk into a more friendly smile. 

“Let’s go find him.”  

Ben was ahead of the pack, but he soon came to an abrupt stop with wider eyes. He finally found Slingshot, except he had Ben’s daughter by the hand. Slingshot wore a cocky grin as he took the child up into his arms. 

“Hey, guys. Who’s this little peanut belong to?” he asked. “Said she was looking for her daddy.” 

Ben’s breath turned to lead in his lungs. Lila’s eyes lit up with recognition when she saw him. 

“Daddy!”

Ben’s softer gaze shifted from her, hardening once it reached the other supe. 

“Let her go,” he growled lowly. 

Slingshot’s grin deepened incredulously as he laughed.

“Oh shit, she’s yours?” he exclaimed. “This’s just too fucking perfect.”

“Lila!” your shout came from behind Ben, and you stepped around M.M. and Kimiko.

Ben held out a hand to keep you at bay. He kept his eyes on Slingshot, but Ben heard your gasp. His stomach dipped, knowing your worry had to be reaching new heights as you took in the situation.

“Ben,” you uttered. 

“I’ve got this,” he said to you.

“You don’t got shit, old man,” Slingshot snapped. He shot you a smirk next. “She’s your bitch? Figures.”

“Just let her go,” you implored. You had tears brimming in your eyes. “We can negotiate your release if you promise to be more responsible.”

Ben shot you a glance then. He didn’t intend for this fucker to live, let alone walk the streets of New York again. But he supposed any bluff was worth it at this point.

Meanwhile, seeing the distress on her parents’ faces made Lila begin to break down into tears. She whined, pushing against the supe holding her, wanting to be let go. 

“It’s okay, sweetie,” Slingshot cooed. “You’re just gonna take a little trip with me.”

“No!” a ragged shout tore from your throat when he took a few backward steps down the hall. 

Ben held you back from following him, all while he tensed with rage. M.M. and Kimiko were also poised to try and stop the supe. But Slingshot tightened his hold on Lila in warning.

“Back the fuck off,” he demanded. “Once I get to JFK and get my ass on a plane, maybe, maybe you see your daughter aga—”

He had to stop short, as he sensed something just outside of his peripheral vision.

It was Butcher, coming at him to swing a baseball bat at the supe’s head.

You screamed in protest, but Butcher was relying on the supe’s reflexes to dodge the bat. He wasn’t disappointed. Slingshot dodged. Though in his distraction, it gave Ben the opening he needed to step into his orbit and land a solid punch across Slingshot’s face.

It not only cracked his jaw, but also caught him off guard enough for his grip on the child to loosen. Ben grabbed his daughter and turned her away in a protective embrace.

Then Frenchie brought Slingshot down with the prongs of a massive taser clipping onto his nipples. He jolted and screamed—and went down hard on the tile floor. 

While Hughie and M.M. ushered in the rest of the security team to swarm in and take the supe into custody, you raced forward to Ben and Lila in tears.

Lila was also crying and clinging to Ben’s neck, shaking like a leaf.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ve got you,” he said quietly, so only she could hear. Lila whimpered and burrowed tighter against his neck.

Tears streamed down your face, but you tried to breathe through it. You rubbed her back and checked her over, making sure she wasn’t hurt. 

For Ben, the force of his relief was pounding in his ears. He briefly closed his eyes as he held his daughter closer. 

When he opened them again, he met your gaze. You couldn’t speak. All you could do was grab onto his wrist for support. He gave that to you, wrapping his free arm around your waist and pulling you into his side. 

“Frank,” he said. His voice was a sharp command. The other man was ready to carry out whatever Ben asked. He also looked relieved to see that Lila was all right.

“Pull the car around,” said Ben. Frank nodded, and went to do just that.

Ben turned to watch in satisfaction when Frenchie and M.M. hauled up a still twitching Slingshot. Butcher slapped a pair of electroshock handcuffs on him that would keep him better contained this time—courtesy of the S.A. armory. He nodded over at Ben, and the latter returned the gesture. 

You missed it all, as you were preoccupied with comforting your daughter.

“It’s okay, honey. We’re going home,” you gently whispered to Lila, who was still hiding her face in Ben’s neck. You shared a look with him, and he gave you a short nod. His hand moved to the small of your back, both protective and possessive as the three of you moved towards the garage exit. 

There Frank waited with the car that would take your family home.

You watched Ben with the beginning of tears brimming in your eyes. You managed to hold them at bay while he set Lila down in her bed. You’d just finished giving her a bath and helping her get into her pajamas after a quiet, somewhat tense dinner. 

Lila still seemed upset in her unusually quiet mood, which you knew was understandable. Ben sat at her bedside and soothed a hand over her head, brushing her cheek with his thumb. 

“You’ve had a crazy friggin’ day, huh?” he asked. Lila didn’t want to look at him, but he encouraged it with gentle fingers brushing her chin, teasing the tip of her nose. She hinted at a smile and finally met his eyes. He smiled back at her, if more reserved. But his expression turned serious again.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. He could see it. She had been more or less fine throughout dinner, but now she’d turned quiet and withdrawn again. She only got like that when she was upset about something.

Lila toyed with the ear of her stuffed animal, Charlie. Frank had retrieved it for her from the daycare.

“Sorry I talked to strangers,” Lila mumbled.

You had to bite the inside of your lip so you wouldn’t cry. You came over to sit on the other side of her bed. You sniffed and shook your head, but Ben beat you to what you wanted to say. 

“You’re not in trouble, all right? We’re not mad,” he said. 

Lila’s lower lip wobbled. Ben sighed and picked her up, plopping her down in his lap. She hugged him as tight as she could and he held her back, warm and secure.  

“You know I’m always gonna be there to keep you safe. You never have to worry or be afraid,” he said. 

You carded your fingers through Lila’s hair so she knew you were there too. Usually, the roles were reversed, where you were doing the comforting and Ben was the solid support. Right now though, you just didn’t have the words. Not when guilt was eating you from the inside out.

Fortunately, your husband did have the words, after he heaved a sigh. 

“I might raise my voice, sometimes, but uh…you never have to be afraid of me either. Okay?” he said.

"Mhmm," Lila agreed.

You laid hand on Ben's arm, gently squeezing. He met your gaze, and knew what you were prodding with just that look in your eyes.

Briefly, he hesitated before he looked back down at his daughter.

"I'm sorry I scared you," he said.

Lila nodded against his chest. “It's okay.”

“Good,” he said, laying a kiss on her forehead. “All right, you ready to go to bed?”

She clung to him and made a sound of refusal. 

You were finally able to crack a smile. You leaned down by her ear. 

“You want Daddy to read you a story first?” you asked. 

Ben shot you a look at the way you volunteered him for that. He was tired and drained. 

But one hopeful, shiny look from his daughter, and he folded like a deck of cards.

Later, when Lila was asleep, you tucked her in one last time and Ben turned out the light. He kept the door cracked open, just in case she called for either one of you tonight.

Then, somehow, you and Ben ended up in the kitchen instead of the bedroom. As exhausted as both of you were, you needed this moment to decompress, with one of your old favorite pastimes…

He broke out the whiskey while you found an appropriate midnight snack, and then a seat with him at the breakfast bar. The two of you shared a companionable silence, as well as a large bag of sea salt and vinegar chips. 

That was sort of how you felt inside.

“Today can’t happen again,” Ben said, breaking the silence. 

You looked over at him, but he was looking beyond you. Maybe so he didn’t have to show you how deeply he’d been rattled. You knew him far too well for that. 

“Of course not,” you replied. And you released a sigh. “So here’s what I’m thinking. From now on I’ll work from home, so I can watch Lila until she goes to preschool.”

Ben got ready to argue, but you held up a hand. The other went to rest over your belly. You had scheduled an ultrasound with Dr. Tonya Baker tomorrow, just to make sure all was well after this ordeal.

“I already plan to take my maternity leave when this guy rolls into town,” you said with a smile. “Then, when I’m ready, and if it’s feasible, I can continue to work from home until all the kids are in school.”

Ben’s lips twitched humorlessly. He should’ve known you’d continue making this a negotiation. He set down his glass, and he reached out to slide a hand over yours, across your belly. He took in a deep breath. But when he let it go, you sensed you still hadn’t convinced him.

“Listen, I know you don’t want me to work—” you began.

“It’s not that,” he said. He made sure you looked him in the eyes when he said it. “It’s not.”

Despite yourself, you read the sincerity in his words. It had you pausing, waiting for him to continue.

“You know damn well…that just being around me is dangerous,” he said. “To you, and to Lila. But you being connected with Supe Affairs, working these missions, even from behind a desk, it’s a fucking risk. It’ll always be a risk.”

You considered that with new understanding. You took his hand with both of yours.

“Ben, this life, this work…it’s the same for me as it is for you. It’s all I know how to do. It’s what I’m wired for. So that’s why it’s hard for me to turn down that dial,” you explained. “But look, I understand what you’re saying. Believe me, I do. And today…today was…”

Your breath hitched as tears stung in your eyes. Ben shook his head and tugged you closer.

“Come ‘ere,” he said.

You left your chair to go to him. You stood between his long legs while he pulled you into a warm embrace. Logically, you knew that what happened today wasn’t your fault. However, part of you still felt like a failure of a mother for underestimating the risks of having your daughter at the S.A.  

You should’ve known better, you berated yourself. And yet, it was Ben’s words that stopped your train of thought.

“Today wasn't on you,” he said. "Get that thought outta your head."

He knew you well too, and this was one of those times. You wept harder against him, pressing your face into the crook of his neck. He held you, comforted you until you began to calm down.

“Take your maternity leave early,” he said. His deep voice was a rumble. “You’re going to have your hands full with Lila when I’m not here. Unless we hire someone to help you.”

It was an idea you could consider, but who could you trust? That was the question. 

Maybe your mother? you thought. You knew she was thinking of retiring from her job in a couple of years anyway.

You sighed and slipped your fingers through Ben’s hair. Your hand came to rest on the back of his neck as you leaned against him.

When Lila came into your lives, you had been so excited to start a family that you hadn’t considered the non-physical side effects. Namely, the sacrifices you would have to make in order to keep your family safe. 

Before you met Ben, your job was your life. But today reminded you that your daughter…and your unborn son, were more important to you than your job. No matter how important that job might be for the rest of the world. 

“Let’s talk about this more tomorrow,” you said, shaking your head. “I can’t think anymore.”

After a beat of hesitation, he agreed with a nod. Like so many battles before, whatever compromise you and Ben finally reached would be hard won. His hand found your cheek and caressed your skin.

“You still try my fucking patience, you know that?” he muttered.

You smiled tiredly. “Did you really expect that to change?”

He scoffed. Even so, he guided you off his shoulder so that he could claim your lips. His kiss tasted like the burn of whiskey. You met his demanding lips in kind, though you were the first one to part from him slowly. 

“I love you,” you whispered a reminder. 

Ben nodded and pressed a kiss to your forehead. He lingered there for a moment, as if he could pause the world for a while. 

He eventually let out a breath through his nose and allowed himself to be honest.

“I love you too,” he said.

With that shared understanding, he stood from his seat. He drained the last of his glass before he bent to gather you up into his arms. You yelped in surprise, clinging to his shoulders.

“Time for some rest,” Ben said. There was a certain smile on his face, gentler than usual.

He forged a path towards the bedroom. You sighed and laid your head against his chest. 

For once, you didn’t argue with him.  

AN: I've been wanting to put this one out for a while now. 💚💚 I so hope you enjoyed this chapter of the BMD verse! Do you like how their little family is evolving? 😘

Ko-Fi Me ☕

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[the-bau-quinjet]

Shut Up!

Summary: request! Bucky and Y/N hate each other... or so they say.

Warnings: as Steve would say: Language!, but really it's just a bunch of fluff.

Word Count: 1798

a/n: Italics are thoughts in their heads!!

This request brought me so much joy to think about. Happy Birthday anon! Thank you so much for all the love!!! ❤️ 💕 💗 💖 💘

"BARNES!" You screamed, giving him the customary warning before throwing your least favorite knife at him.

He flung himself backward, catching the knife in midair.

Damn, that's hot. You shook the thought away, glaring at Bucky as he turned to look at you.

"Did you just throw a knife at me?" He asked, incredulous.

You rolled your eyes. "You deserved it. Plus, I warned you." You bit back.

"Y/N, you can't just throw knives at people." Steve sighed, tired of the two of you arguing all the time.

"I don't throw knives at people. Just Bucky." You said his name with disgusted expression. "And he deserved it!"

"What the hell did he do to deserve being impaled by a knife?" Sam chuckled, but only to keep the mood light.

"He wasn't impaled. I knew he would dodge it." You defended yourself, sneering at Bucky's smug grin.

"Not the point. What did he do?" Steve asked again, trying to clear the air despite it never working before.

You pulled the beanie you were wearing off your head, showing off your freshly bleached hair. It was nearly white, a stark platinum blonde contrasting your typical dark style.

"You know what they say, 'blondes have more fun'. I was just looking out for your social life." Bucky smirked, enjoying the rage.

She's so cute when she's angry. He thought as he stared at you.

Sam snorted, trying to hold in the laugh under your glare.

"How thoughtful." You quipped sarcastically, leaning in to threaten him. "I'm going to get you back for this." Your words were laced with venom, the anger palpable even in the vast gym.

"Looking forward to it! Thanks for the knife!" Bucky called as you stormed away, ignoring the thoughts lingering in his head. Not cute. Hot. So very hot when she's angry.

-

The next few days, Bucky heard nothing from you. He didn't think much of it, considering you were likely plotting. It wasn't until you started being uncharacteristically sweet to him that he grew nervous.

"Hey, Buck, Steve." You smiled as you walked up to him and Steve.

"Hi, Y/N." Steve greeted you warmly, glad to see you at least acting cordial after the stunt Bucky pulled.

"Hi..." Bucky hesitated, unsure of what you were playing at.

He's so adorable when he's nervous. You shook your head, getting back on track.

"I brought you some drinks!" You excitedly exclaimed, handing the drink carrier to Steve since Bucky seemed frozen in place. "Protein smoothie for Steve, chocolate milkshake for Bucky."

You walked away without another word, throwing a thumbs up to accept Steve's thanks.

Steve happily drank his smoothie, enjoying the energy boost. Bucky just stared at the milkshake before throwing the entire thing away.

"Buck! Don't be a jerk. She bought that for you." Steve huffed, annoyed with his friend's childish behavior.

"I can't trust anything she gives me unless I saw it being made." He shrugged as if it was obvious.

"Jerk, she's not going to poison you." Steve rolled his eyes.

"You don't know that." Bucky shook his head, walking into the kitchen. The idea of a milkshake made him hungry.

The next day, you were back with more treats. This time a cinnamon roll for Steve, something he said was his guilty pleasure, and a chocolate eclair for Bucky. You were grinning ear to ear as Steve thanked you profusely.

She's so adorable when she's this happy.

Once again, Bucky threw it away, ignoring the glare Steve shot his way.

The next days followed the same pattern. You would seek out Bucky and Steve, giving each of them some snack, dessert, or drink. Bucky threw it away every single time, not trusting your motives.

You didn't break pattern for a solid week, watching as Steve grew increasingly annoyed with Bucky throwing away all of your treats.

"I made cookies!" You walked into the living room where everyone was enjoying movie night. You handed out cookies to every member of the team, saving Bucky for last.

As you walked back into the kitchen to return the platter, you heard Steve whisper yell at Bucky.

"Just eat the cookie." Steve glared, thinking you would be upset if you saw him through it away.

"I can't! What if she did something to it?" Bucky whispered right back.

"Buck! She gave one to everyone! You really think she would purposefully keep track of one specific cookie just to get you back?" Steve rolled his eyes, completely fed up with the situation.

"Yes! I really do!" Bucky defended.

"Eat the damn cookie." Steve spoke between his teeth, elbowing him in the side.

"Fine." Bucky hesitated in bringing the cookie up to his mouth, but ultimately gave in.

As soon as he swallowed the cookie, he knew something was off. His whole body felt tingly, but there was a pleasant warmth to it.

A sudden bright flash of light had you walking back into the room, watching as Bucky turned into a cat.

"What the hell..." Sam turned, glancing between the small white kitten and Steve's shocked expression.

He's cuter as a person. You couldn't stop the thought from popping into your head, causing you to chuckle.

Steve suddenly whipped his head to you.

"Y/N. What did you do?" He sighed, exasperated but a little impressed.

A small meow followed the question, earning various "awws" from the entire room.

"I turned him into a cat." You shrugged nonchalantly, pretending this was a normal occurrence.

"Did everything you brought him this week have the power to do... that?" He gestured to Bucky, who hissed at Steve as if to say I told you so.

"Nope." You shook your head, laughing as Bucky wobbled across the couch, not used to how it felt to move as a feline. "I knew he would think I did something to them, so I didn't. Just plain old snacks."

Damn, she is so fucking smart. Bucky's thoughts came out as a purr, startling the room.

"How long is tinman stuck as a cat?" Tony laughed, enjoying the sight.

"Just a few hours. Long enough to think about why he deserves this." You gestured to your hair.

"Can we take pictures of him in cute cat outfits?" Nat questioned, always up for blackmail material.

You pulled a shopping bag out from behind you, pulling a series of Avenger themes costumes.

"I'm one step ahead of you." You grinned devilishly, swiftly scooping Bucky up from off the couch.

-

"You're evil." Bucky glared at you as soon as he turned back into a human.

"You deserved it. Plus, you were so cute as a little kitten." You pouted.

That pout is doing things to me. Bucky shook his head, trying to maintain the angry facade. He ran his hands through his hair, causing your own thoughts to spiral.

What I would give to run my hands through his hair when he wasn't a cat.

"You turned me into a cat!" He yelled, chasing you down the hall back to the living room.

"You died my hair platinum fucking blonde!" You screamed right back, turning on him once you made it to the end of the hallway.

"I can't stand you." Bucky spat, while simultaneously thinking if only she wanted to touch me not as a cat.

"Yeah, well newsflash! I can't stand you either." You glared right back.

The team watched on with amused expressions.

"Who wants to see pictures of kitty Barnes in cat costumes?" You turned to the room, a wide grin adorning your lips. Without waiting for an answer, you displayed your phone on the TV screen.

He is so damn cute. Cat or no cat. You laughed as you swiped through the pictures.

Bucky tried to grab the phone from you, not wanting to give you the satisfaction of enjoying this too much.

Her laugh is like music.

"Oh my god! Shut up!" Wanda suddenly stood up, pointing at the both of you. "You two pretend to hate each other so much, but your thoughts tell different stories."

Your mouth dropped open, shocked at both Wanda's volume and words.

Bucky wore a similar expression, eyes wide and heart beating fast.

"Wanda, you read my mind?" You tried to deflect the attention.

"No. You were just thinking so damn loud it involuntarily popped into my head." She grinned, trying to impersonate your voice as she quoted your thoughts

"Damn, that's hot. He's so adorable when he's nervous. He's cuter as a person. What I wouldn't give to run my hands through his hair when he wasn't a cat. He is so damn cute. Cat or no cat."

"And those are just from the past week and a half!" She yelled at you.

Bucky grinned smugly, forgetting Wanda also heard his thoughts. "Oh, doll. Why didn't you just say you cared?" He asked in fake sympathy.

You glared at him, ready to fight again when Wanda switched focus.

"Don't start with me Barnes. You think just as loudly!" Her voice took on an exaggerated depth as she impersonated Bucky, sighing dramatically between sentences.

"She's so cute when she's angry. Not cute. Hot. So very hot when she's angry. She's so adorable when she's this happy. Damn, she is so fucking smart. That pout is doing things to me. If only she wanted to touch me not as a cat. Her laugh is like music."

"I can't take it anymore! The two of you are driving me insane." She huffed, barging out of the room in an effort to hear nothing but peace and quiet.

Everyone else quickly followed, figuring the two of you could use a minute to talk.

"You think I'm hot." Bucky stated the fact. "That's embarrassing." He grinned, slowly walking closer to you.

"Not as embarrassing you thinking I'm smart." You countered, a matching grin on your face.

"You want to run your hands through my hair." He smirked, placing his hands on your waist.

"My laugh is like music to your ears." You leaned closer.

"Just kiss already!" Sam shouted from the hallway, but the two of you were in your own world.

"Do you want to get dinner with me? Tomorrow?" Bucky asked, his forehead pressed to yours.

"I'd like that." You smiled back.

The two of you moved in tandem, pressing your lips together, fighting for dominance of the kiss.

You pulled back, breathless and needing air. "I hope you know I'm not deleting the pictures of you as a cat."

"I wouldn't think so." Bucky chuckled, pressing another quick kiss to your lips.

"You know what this means?" He asked, an eyebrow raised.

You grinned conspiratorially while nodding. "We can team up on Wilson!"

"My thoughts exactly." He smiled, pulling you into another breathtaking kiss.

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