#if i were a translator i would QUIT because i hate all of these whiny bitches so much | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sunny-d-anomaly · 23 days ago

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It’s my turn, I guess. I’m Sunny D. Anomaly, formerly known as Ocularfracture. Clem & I used to be LJ buddies back in the days when I used to write whiny blogs about how “bad” my life was when I was too young & dumb to realize how good I had it. I didn’t know at the time that Cloves was not real. It doesn’t bother me, though, because there was a human behind it. This human is a great writer and a super groovy person for actually coming forward. It’s brave.

Me, I’m not so brave. I had wanted to stay out of this and be anonymous because I am a coward and really hate the dipshit I was when I was in my early 20’s. (I’m 36 now. Been through a lot of terrible shit that changed me, and I wanted to push the idiot I once was as far away from who I am now as possible, which is why I stopped going by Ocularfracture and faded into obscurity.)

I never expected a dumb and shameless thing I did as a dumbass kid to have the consequences it has, and I’m just as much to blame as Clem, if not more so. Clem, I know how you feel about blowing your shot (however microscopic it could’ve been) with an artist you admired because of something you did that could’ve prevented all this.

I’ve been so ashamed of how foolish and shameless I was to the point that I couldn’t bring myself to admit it, but it must be done. And I know I’m gonna get a metric fuck ton of backlash from this which is gonna cause me to spiral too, but it’s what’s right. I haven’t gotten this far in my life and made so much progress on myself to keep awful secrets when knowing about them could help someone.

So. Ready for awkward story time?

Pry gonna kms after sharing this because it’s so stupid and embarrassing and shameful, but here goes.

Probably a bit before Clem invented her blog and followed me, I was in my friends list, looking for someone or something. And it caught my eye that JV’s screen name had a slash through it. I was curious, so I clicked on it, and it said the blog had been removed and the name was available. All I had to do was pay a one-time fee to change it, and it was mine. Before that, I was Harukura.

I thought it would be cool to have the username of my favorite artist and didn’t see the harm that could come from it since all my posts were private.

But then one dipshitted day I was feeling like shit about my art (which I deserved since it was sooo bad back then) I had a moment of weakness and shouted myself out as a shameless plug. Don’t get me wrong, I regretted it and took the post down. But somehow, someone dug it back up, and I now have to answer for it.

If you don’t believe it was me, read the tagline of that journal when it had the rainbow rocket. They’re translated lyrics from a Japanese song called “Rocket” by a band named Plastic Tree. Look it up. And maybe look at the friends list and see how many of them are friends of sunny_skye, which I changed my username to after realizing what a shitty idea it was, and trying to separate myself from it.

I am not proud of any of this in fact, I feel lower than scum. Please never look at my art anymore. I feel like this is the best way to get what I deserve for shamelessly plugging myself. I won’t even argue about the hard life of a starving artist and how hard it is to gain exposure because if my art had actually deserved the exposure, it would have gotten it.

In fact, I’ll just quit making art. Y’all can yell at me and call me as many names as you feel are necessary. It was a shitty thing to do and I am deeply ashamed of myself, no matter how long ago it was, how unmedicated I was, how young & dumb I was…

I’m not the same person anymore. But I’ll serve my time for my pointless crime. And maybe I’ll game over as well because I don’t deserve less.

I’m sorry, Clem. I’m sorry, Jhonen. I’m sorry everyone. Youth is wasted on the young, it’s true.

The seemingly most emo thing I feel I could be doing during all this chaos is starting another blog by the same name. However, a lot needs to be said and Twitter/X is just not a good platform for long, honest posts about how I fucked up.

Indeed, it truly isn’t my fault that there are people in this world who would rather believe their own misinformation and cleave to it as gospel, than admit they were wrong. It’s clearly delusions of grandeur going on in all this, particularly by one X user who goes by “legoldenflakestrudel,” who, rather than believe every ounce of proof I’ve struggled to procure for her, chooses to call me everything from AI to “barely literate” (in spite of my writing which she also keeps complimenting because she refuses to believe it was written by me).

According to her, I couldn’t be the same person because I don’t tweet the way I write, especially in 150 characters, and because I don’t look like the fictional character I was writing about. Of course I don’t. She was a figment of my imagination. I created her. And most authors don’t write characters who are cookie cutter carbon copies of themselves, unless it’s autobiographical.

Clover was fiction. Not autobiography. I don’t understand why this is so hard to accept, save for the fact that this particular user seems determined to condemn an innocent man who has brought nothing but joy and inspiration to so many. Even noted artist Sunny D. Anomaly (formerly Ocularfracture) cites him as the reason she became a comic book artist.

For those reading this and not in the know, I will explain this from the beginning. Oddly, it all started 12 years ago, and little did I know what sort of a mess it would cause. God, this sounds like the beginning of some cheesy paperback novel. I swear to you, it’s all true, or my name isn’t Clementine Yorke. Yeah. That’s my real name. Did you honestly think someone named Clover E. Fields was a real person?

But back to it, for the truly confused.

Twelve years ago, all the way back in 2012, I was a lonely college dropout but I still wanted to pursue a career in literature. Things in my life weren’t the best, and I wanted an escape from myself. I wanted to feel like I was in college again, I wanted the drama, the gossip, the sex… the… the friends… :\

So I invented a character. Several characters down the line, even, but Cloveryfields was the first one I made, and whose skin I really crawled into to flesh her out as a person.

It started with just a paper journal; a little spiral tie-dye thing with purple pages marked with peace signs. But I kept leaving it at home which is when inspiration always struck, so I decided to create a live journal account that I could access from anywhere.

I admit, I got way more into this character than was probably necessary, creating various other social media for her, and spending long hours writing blog entries, even backdating some of them so I could write about things that happened in her past. For a while, she was all that kept me going. Whenever I’d had a rotten day, I’d come home and go straight to my laptop without even eating, and just write about what Clover’s day was like.

I would vanish into her and write about *her* troubles, which were far more interesting than my own meaningless ones. Sometimes it felt like the words were just flowing through me, like she was part of me now and I didn’t even have to think, I just let the words come… and at the end, I’d proof read it and think, “I wrote this?”

After a while, that began to frighten me. I was even making art for deviant art saying it was hers. I was posting on Facebook, even getting a friend to help me look more real. Slowly, I began to feel like I was living two lives and possibly even making Clover real enough in my head that I could easily form a split personality and not even know it.

So, for a long time, I took a break. I posted one last thing about moving away and then left it to rot for a bit. When I started writing her novel, I made sure to do it in the third person so that I wouldn’t attach my psyche to it. Once I felt I had detached myself enough from it, I visited the blog a few more times to tie a nice little bow on the story, and that was the last time I posted.

I never deleted it, as the novel still sits unfinished, but since I’ve neglected it for so long, I’ve been locked out of the account and the email I created for it was terminated due to inactivity.

Now, if you aren’t in the know and reading this out of curiosity, you’re probably wondering what’s so awful about this whole thing, other than getting dangerously caught up in it. Well… I made several errors. Things I hadn’t even thought of until all this drama started a few days ago.

One was, to appear like a person who used a blog, I added some people as friends. One such person was noted artist, Jhonen Vasquez. It was innocent, adding him. I added multiple artists I admired. Unfortunately two of them have gotten swept up in all this because of me. Mainly Jhonen, but also the aforementioned ocularfracture who, until this evening, wished to remain anonymous. She feels she might be able to help though, since she somehow got linked to it all, and I hope to god she can.

Continuing on, though… because my character had an unstable relationship with someone named Jho (a Malaysian name of a kid I’d known in school who had anger management problems)… for some reason, this guy came to mind when I was picturing instability, so I just used the name.

I honestly didn’t even make the connection that Jho and Jhonen are even spelled with the same J-H-O. It never occurred to me at all. But here we are, twelve long years in the future, and here’s a bunch of people causing all sorts of drama about the blog, claiming Clover was a real person who was in a relationship with Jhonen Vasquez and abused by him. There’s apparently even some imposter claiming to BE Clover, which infuriates me endlessly.

It’s apparently not bad enough that a work of fiction was mistaken for autobiography, or that these truly depraved individuals somehow assumed based on nothing, that it was written about Jhonen. No, they have to make it all worse by being a flimsy sock puppet of my own intellectual property, just to insert themselves into the drama and condemn a man who has done nothing wrong.

I have been busting ass trying to get back into any of those old accounts so I can prove that I am who I say I am and clear his name…

But it’s really thrown me into a depression spiral. I feel like a tremendous asshole for ever writing anything that could be misconstrued, even if unintentional. I feel like I’m the reason… because I AM the reason that this wonderful artist has been made to suffer so much. And that truly hurts to know.

I never met Jhonen. Always wanted to, but never got the chance. Now I never will, for sure. If he even knows I exist by now, he must despise and detest me as the source of all this unnecessary suffering he’s been put through. It’s like… “way to go, Clem! Way to fuck up the life of someone you loved and respected.”

It will haunt me for the rest of my life, however long that might be at this point… because the more I think about this and how stupid it was and how easily it could’ve been avoided, plus putting myself in his shoes and imagining how damaging this must all be for him… I feel like a life for a life. I ruined his, so I owe him my own. Old fashioned rules that somehow make sense as I sit here freeing to death and waiting, hoping, praying that I got all my made-up credentials right, so that I can log back in and end this nonsense.

That’s the problem with getting too deep into a character. You make fake names, birthdates, security questions that don’t even apply to you… and you have to actually remember them or it’s game over.

And if I can’t sort this out, it’s game over. And even if I do, I still doubt if I can live with myself after knowing what I inadvertently put another human being through.

We’ll see what happens. Until next time,

Cloveryfields, aka Clem Yorke

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lubdubsworld · 4 years ago

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物の哀れ ( ‘the sadness of things’.)

Characters : Alpha! Jungkook x Omega ! OC.

ABO Dynamics.

Genre : Arranged Marriage / Temporary contractual Marriage.

Warnings : Non- Con/ Extremely Dubious Consent . High functioning alcoholism. Genre related consent issues. Implied suicidal thoughts.

Summary : A recently widowed Jungkook agrees to a contract marriage to keep his company afloat. His grief overwhelms him and it is hard to look at his new wife as anything other than an intruder .

[ Author’s Note : 物の哀れ ~ Mono no aware can be translated as ‘the sadness of things’. It comes from the words 物 (mono – thing) and 哀れ (aware – poignancy or pathos). The ‘sadness’ in question comes from an awareness of the transience of things, as taught by Zen Buddhism. When we view something exceptionally beautiful, we might feel sad because we know it won’t stay so beautiful forever – but appreciation only heightens the pleasure we take in the beautiful thing in that moment. ]

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

I wrapped the white wool shawl tighter around my shoulders. The night was still chilly and the and smelt faintly of impending rain. Why they would plan a party outside while it rained, was beyond me.

After my little skirmish with Jungkook, I had found Namjoon quickly only to be told that we couldn’t leave for another hour at least because there was a certain investor who wanted to meet Namjoon . The guy was running late and he had to wait for him. So here I stood, shivering lightly, all while keeping an eye on my husband as he got progressively drunk.

Namjoon’s words made me sigh a little.

“You can’t decide what someone else’s normal is, Namjoon. Especially when it comes to grief. But the drinking is an issue. And you’re right about the therapist. I know she’s doing her best but I’m not sure if she has the right answers for him. Or even the right tools to help him.”

“I’ve been searching up on therapists who specialize with alphas. There’s one in Itaewon , his name is Kim Taehyung. I really think he could help. He’s an alpha himself.”

“That sounds good. Betas may not fully understand alpha mating bonds or what it’s like when one of them dies. Taehyung may have a better understanding of what Jungkook’s going through.” I nodded, a little hopeful.

Therapy with the beta lady the hospital had recommended wasn’t really helping Jungkook the way it ought to.

Namjoon hesitated.

“Would you be willing to go with him? Taehyung insists a family member stay in the waiting room just in case...” he asked gently. I turned back to look at my husband, leaning on the mahogany countertop of the bar, fingers curled around a glass of whiskey.

“And I’m the one you want to consider for that? That’s ridiculous. Jungkook hates me.” Did I really have remind him of this salient fact?

“I’ve offered to, before. He doesn’t want me there." I sighed as Jungkook threw the drink back with ease.

“That was three months ago though. Things have changed now right?” Namjoon prodded.

I laughed, shaking my head.

“Not between us they haven’t. He’s spending more time with Mina and he isn’t throwing stuff around but he still loathes me.”

“He loathes what you represent: his own shortcomings and failures. Your father wasn’t kind in his approach and you are a reminder of all the things he can’t control.”

How fucking unfair, I thought playing with the tiny ring on my finger ( or should i say handcuff really? ), my wedding ring , the platinum band engraved with my husband’s name, a drop of his blood embossed into the metal.

An archaic tradition, that carried no meaning in modern Seoul but the idea of it was still alive and well. The idea that what we had was a blood bond, imbued in our veins now. An alpha’s connection with a beta or an alpha mate was usually quite fragile. But an alpha and omega mate bond. That was supposed to be powerful.

Unless the alpha was still phantom bonded to a dead wife , that is. It was odd thing. Mate bonds had to be mutual to work. So there was no bond between Jungkook and I . We didn’t have any feelings for each other of course. But wearing someone’s blood on yourself changed that . it forced a bond that wasn’t there. It was ancient magic and it worked on my kind. Not on his.

How fucking unfair because it wasn’t like I could control any of this either?

I grimaced. I had thought of taking the ring off

“Ouch.” I said with a smile. Namjoon waved off my self pity with an eye roll.

“You know what I mean. Even for an Alpha, Jungkook has always held on to his pride. Losing his wife and his company all in the same week probably left him feeling incredibly helpless and your father browbeat him into this whole thing. Of course he isn’t going to be eager to share heart to heart talks with you. ”

I held my hand up.

“I know all that Namjoon. I was there, remember? And I’m not blaming him for any of that. Trauma makes you do shitty things and I understand that . I also understand that if he was in his right mind he wouldn’t behave the way he does now. But that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t change his mind for him. If he doesn’t want to get help, I’m kind of helpless myself, you know?”

Namjoon reached out and squeezed my hand.

“I’m just asking you this because , he does listen to you at times. I’ve noticed it. He doesn’t outwardly agree with you but he takes your opinions into consideration. And, Heejin you live with him and you’re the one who managed to convince him to start scenting Mina. ”

And God, how exhausting that had been. I had kept at it because Mina was so young and she needed her father’s scent to grow. And while i could be persistent when necessary, I couldn’t work miracles.

“Namjoon oppa, “ I said softly, trying to explain myself without sounding like a horrible human, “ I don’t hate Jungkook. Far from it. I want him to get the help he needs and I’m here for him. If you can convince him to go see Taehyung and he’s okay with me coming along, I won’t say no. Mina needs him and there’s nothing I would like more than for him to get better. ” i smiled a little, “ But he’s still going to have to be the one to make that choice. i can’t make it for him.”

Namjoon nodded.

“ Fair enough. Well, I’ll talk to him about it. We’ll set something up. Thank you for not refusing Heejinah. I know it can’t be easy for you either.

I opened my mouth to respond but out of the corner of my eyes I caught a glimpse of someone, staring intently right at me.

I turned sharply, eyes locking with those of Kim Yugyeom and I stiffened, stepping closer to Namjoon on instinct. Yugyeom smirked, winking at me.

I shuddered in disgust.

Creep.

Namjoon followed my line of vision and swore.

“This motherfucker.” He made to move towards him. and I grabbed his arm, fingers digging into his forearm. The last thing i wanted to witness was an alpha alpha showdown in the middle of a party with me in the middle.

“Please, no. Don’t make a scene. It’s what he wants.”

“Jungkook has the shittiest friends on the planet.” Namjoon shook his head and I couldn’t agree more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mina’s appointment with the doctor went about as expected. She was right on time with her milestones and I sat in the waiting office for a mere twenty minutes before being called in. The doctor, an alpha named Min Yoongi gave me a small smile of recognition before flipping through the pages of her file.

“ Jungkook didn’t come along?” He asked casually, grabbing a pen and making a note of her weight and length before plotting it on the small graph. She was a little on the smaller side but she was growing well.

“He’s busy...” i said with a shrug, “ So I still keep giving her the polyvisol supplements?”

Yoongi nodded, “ The nurse will fill in the prescription for you. Are you sure he’s busy? He called me last night and told me he wanted to come see me?”

I blinked.

“He did ? “ I couldn’t quite process this.

“He wanted to talk about how she’s doing and I told him he could come in for her appointment today.”

I imagined a world where Jungkook actually spoke to me, instead of forcing me to navigate stormy waters on rotten plywood. Nine more months, i told myself firmly, already digging for my phone. Nine more months and I would be out of this living hell I’d gotten trapped in.

“Can I try calling him? He’s probably forgotten. I think he might regret missing out.” I begged and Yoongi gave me a small smile, waving me off.

“Of course you can Heejin-ah and tell him that if he wants I can drop by at the office and talk to him as well.”

I nodded quickly , moving out to the waiting area while the nurses held Mina, soothing her before getting her ready for her shots. I tried calling him and not surprisingly he didn’t pick up. I called his office next and Jungkook’s secretary picked up the phone .

The woman hated me.

“He’s busy.” She said curtly.” He’s specifically asked me not to bother him with stuff that isn’t important.”

Her whiny voice grated on my ears and i bit my lips to keep the irritation in.

“Since when does his daughter make that list, Ms Lee?” I said calmly and she hesitated.

“He’s in a meeting right now and-”

“I’m in the hospital with his daughter. I hope you’re willing to take the heat when he finds out that you wouldn’t let me get through to him. “ I said casually.

It was a twisted version of the truth for sure. Meant to imply that Mina was hurt in some way. But I couldn’t bring myself to regret it much. I had enough on my plate without dealing with twenty year old secretaries who fancied themselves in love with their hot boss.

“I... just a moment, Mrs. Jeon.”

I loathed the name. It wasn’t mine. It was hers and I felt like a thief every time someone addressed me that way.

After two minutes, Jungkook’s familiarly low and perpetually exhausted voice came out ,

“Hello? Heejin?” He sounded listless and his voice just a little slurred and i groaned.

“Please tell me you aren’t drunk.” I whispered.

“I’m not. “ He said shortly. “ What’s wrong? What happened? Is Mina alright? ”

“Did you tell Yoongi that you were going to meet him today?”

He was quiet for a second.

“i’ll talk to him.”

He hung up and I stared at the phone. I realized that I shouldn’t have called him in the first place. Should have asked Yoongi to call him himself. What was wrong with me? Even a few syllables exchanged with Jungkook felt like staring into an abyss .

I moved back to the clinic , just as Mina plaintive wail filled the room. The shots were done. It took us another thirty five minutes to finish filling her prescriptions and for Yoongi to finish examining her. She was already dozing off and I wasn’t supposed to feed her for another thirty minutes so perhaps the nap would do her good. I had just finished settling her into her Bjorn carrier when Jungkook’s voice came from the entryway.

“Is this the way to Dr. Min’s office?”

I glanced back to watch him . He looked ridiculously handsome in a three piece suit, jacket thrown over his arm and hair lightly damp from the misty drizzle outside. I saw the secretary’s mouth actually drop open and stay agape as she tried to process his questions. i could see the way his beauty had rendered her entirely witless and as someone who had experienced it first hand , i could sympathize,

But Jungkook was beginning to look annoyed from the lack of response and i decided to give the poor girl a break.

“He’s waiting for you.” I called out and Jungkook startled. He glanced up at me and for some reason he looked surprised. He always looked surprised when he saw me. As if i was just some monster out of his worst nightmares turning up in odd places . As if he couldn’t quite believe that i did exist in his life now. Unwelcome but impossible to avoid.

“You’re here.” He said blankly.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

“Yes, i am. I’ve been here for three months now. “ i said shortly, before i could stop myself, “ Mina’s fine. She just had her shots. I’m going to drive home and put her down for a nap. Do you want me to come with you ?” I pointed at the clinic.

He hesitated before shaking his head.

It was all according to script then. Jungkook would never include me in a single thing. Even if i was smack damn in the middle of the room with nowhere else to go.

“Alright. i’ll see you after work.”

“We’ll have guests for dinner today. ” He said suddenly.

I stared at him, confused.

“For dinner??”

“ Sooah’s parents.”

Oh, God.

Wary of the extra nurses suddenly filling the room, the little whispers and the curious glances, i kept my smile even.

“Of course. ” I bowed a little before turning on my heel and walking away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sooah’s parents were, for lack of a better word, selfish .

They had lost a daughter, so of course i could understand with their need to keep their daughter’s memory alive. But the way they chose to do it was unhealthy and borderline vindictive.

" She’s growing well.” Mrs. Kim had the same statuesque figure as her model daughter and she held her grandchild with a slightly unsure grip and Mina felt the uncertainty in her grip, breaking out into cries at once. I stayed still, my throat dry from disuse. I hadn’t said a word since they came in.

We were seated at the table, dinner was done.

Jungkook sat next to me, staring straight ahead while his father in law tried to engage him in conversation.

With Jungkook, the grief came in waves. Some days, the waves were small and gentle, like the ones that lapped at your feet on the shore of a tranquil lake. on those days e went about his day as usual, spoke to his friends and signed deals. And somedays they were big, behemoths carrying guilt and accusation, crashing over his head with a vengeance.

On those days , he looked like he’d been run over by a two ton truck.

Today was just one of those days and i could sense it.

The man was going on an on about some charity that Sooah had been involved in as a young girl... Could Jungkook make a contribution in her name?. Could Jungkook pay for a concert of her favorite singer in her hometown..? Could Jungkook possibly consider contributing to opening a foundation in her name?

I could feel the urge to scream, grow by the minute.

Each syllable that spilled out of her father’s mouth was aggravating, the sentences began and ended with her name, over and over over again and It felt terribly like she was standing right next to me, ice cold and dead but real and relentless at the same time. He spoke of her like she was still alive and i couldn’t fathom how that was healthy. How that was going to help Jungkook move on.

If anything it made it harder for him to move on.

And in a moment of chilling clarity, i realized that this is what they wanted.

They didn’t want Jungkook to move on from her. They wanted him to be consumed by her. In the wake of that realization , i felt anger surge.

There was just enough hurt and heartbreak and pain and grief in this room without these idiots adding to it.

“Jungkook is tired tonight, uncle.. Perhaps we can discuss this later.” I said finally, unable to bear it any more.

The man gave me a glare.

“I wasn’t talking to you girl.” He said sharply. I frowned.

“We’re trying to help Jungkook. “ The woman said sharply. “ Unlike you and your father we do not prey on the weak. “

Jungkook shifted at the phrase and I glared at her.

“He isn’t weak. “ I snapped, resisting the urge to add on a you bitch , “He’s grieving . And what he needs is space to process his grief. Not you people trying to shove your daughter into his throat with every sentence. “

“Don’t you dare talk about our daughter!” Mrs. Kim snarled and i felt a headache come on.

“I thought that was why you were here? To talk about her? Or should I say use her as an excuse to get money out of him?? What you’re doing is unfair and awful!! . Jungkook isn’t ready to talk about this and one look at his face should tell you that, if you even bothered looking at anything except his wallet.” I shouted.

“Heejin, that’s enough.” Jungkook said hoarsely and i bit my lips.

Of course he wasn’t going to support me even if we were on the same side. Defending him, protecting him was exhausting and it was such a thankless job. i wanted it to end.

“I think we should call this a night. please, just leave” I said sharply, standing up and reaching for Mina. She glared at me but handed the baby over.

“You don’t get to make that decision. My son in law is who I’m here to see. You’re just the parasite that’s attached herself to him. You sit there in my daughter’s place and you dare disrespect me this way. ” The woman snapped.

“Its still my house. “ I gritted out. “ I’m married to Jungkook whether you like it or not and so i have the right to ask you to get out of my house.”

“Heejin, stop.” Jungkook’s voice only made me angrier. He sounded drained and empty and still these leeches wanted to suck him dry. And he was too blind to see it.

“I’m done with this” I stood up moving to the small pack and play that sat in the corner of the living room. i placed Mina in and watcher her eyes flutter shut gently.

i turned back to stare at Mrs. Kim.

“i want the pair of you to leave. Get out before I call security.”

She gaped at me.

“you had a wedding... that doesn’t make it a fucking marriage. “ she sneered. “ Its probably not even legal until you consummate it. So go ahead, call the cops right now. You think i wouldn’t take you to court. ??!! ”

She was spouting absolute nonsense, probably driven by her own grief but i wasn’t feeling particularly charitable tonight.

“Why don’t you ask your son in law that? Ask him if the marriage was consummated or not...” I smirked.

She faltered, eyes wide and disbelieving.

“No. You’re lying ...he wouldn’t.” She turned to Jungkook who looked at me with fury in his eyes.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He said sharply and I scoffed.

“With me? What the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with these idiots that they think they can come here and ask you to sign a fucking cheque when you’re still out here grieving for their daughter?!”

“You don’t know shit about them or her...”

“I don’t have to. I don’t have to and i don’t care to either. All I know is that i married you and you’re my husband and whether you meant those vows or not, i did. I swore in front of my God and my family and I’m going to keep those promises. I’m going to protect you because I love your daughter . I’m going to protect you because you need to fucking live to be able to care for her. “

i turned to stare at his in-laws. They were staring at me, some of the fire dying out and in the span of a few minutes they somehow looked older .

“You don’t deserve to be here.” Mr. Kim said finally, voice cracking and i exhaled.

“And yet, here I am. And I’m not leaving. you are.” I said calmly.

They stared at me for one more second before standing up and moving out of the dining space and into the hallways leading out.

“We’ll call you later Jungkook-ah...” The man said before walking out of the door and slamming it shut behind him.

The silence between us grew heavier as the seconds ticked.

“We can’t decide how people grieve.” Jungkook said softly.

I stared at him in disbelief.

“You’re telling me that , Jungkook? Or did you forget all the times I indulged you when the only way you could grieve was apparently by forcing yourself on me.” i snapped.

His eyes widened , just a fraction before going blank again.

He took a deep breath and went on.

“They lost their daughter and they’re hurting. We can’t tell them they aren’t allowed to honor her memory...They’re clearly in pain...”

“Not more than you!” i snapped. “ You’re the one in pain here Jungkook. Your pain is so much more than theirs ..... Or may be it isn’t i don’t know.. But i do know that I can’t sit here and watch them bleed all over you when you’re cut just as deep as them.”

“You don’t know shit about e!” He roared. “ Don’t you fucking dare talk about my grief like you can understand it...like you actually know what its like to lose the woman who had your fucking heart, because if you did you wouldn’t have agreed to this fucking marriage...you wouldn’t be here in this room with me, intruding on my grief and my pain... “

The sound of his voice made my entire body freeze in fear. I stayed perfectly still, jumping when he crossed the distance between us and grabbed my face, fingers curling around my jaw.

“ You want to know how i wanted to grieve? I wanted to grieve in solitude!!! I wanted to grieve without some fucking stranger hovering over my shoulder like a fucking plague!”

I exhaled shakily, fingers trembling as i reached up to hold his wrist, my entire jaw throbbing with how hard his grip was.

“It’s the price you pay for getting your company back. Jeon Jungkook. “ I choked out.” Or did you forget that marrying me is the reason you aren’t homeless on the streets “

He laughed a little yanking me closer and wrapping an arm around my waist.

“You’ve learned to talk back these days...” He muttered , “ I think I preferred the girl who hid in the nursery for the first three weeks of our wedding.”

“I wasn’t hiding . I was avoiding you. Because your misery was contagious and i didn’t want any of it on me.” I snapped and his hold on my waist tightened.

“Are you trying to make me angry? ” He snapped, fingers curling on my waist and I swallowed the whimper of pain that threatened.

“Maybe i am... Maybe anything is better than watching you walk around this house like a corpse. You’re alive so I don’t see why you act like you died with her.”

He growled at that, eyes blazing as he stepped back enough to stare into my face.

“You’re right... I didn’t die with her. Although i wanted to...Maybe if i wasn’t such a fucking coward, i would have gone through with it. .” He laughed and I felt my heart go ice cold at the very thought of it.

“You didn’t die... So why don’t you get some help. There’s no shame in getting help... Taehyung...”

“I don’t need help. i need to be alone.” He snarled. “ I need to be allowed to cry and mourn my wife the way I want to but you and your father made sure that i couldn’t.”

I sighed, looking away in defeat.

“Fucking look at me!” He snarled, hands grabbing both my arms and yanking me forward. “ Why won’t you look at me huh? is the guilt finally catching up?”

“No. No guilt. Just loathing and resentment.” I snapped back and he laughed again.

“Well too bad. Because you know what? You’re right. I paid for my company with my right to grieve and you...you paid for my name with your right to say no . “

I swallowed as he yanked me away from the table, dragging me to the couch in the side.

“ I never refused you a thing.” I choked out, breathing ragged as he shoved me into the soft leather surface, crawling on top of me at once. “ I only said no when you were drunk out of your mind. When you thought it was okay to fuck me and call me by her name.”

He made swift work of the buttons of my blouse and I stayed still, arms lying by my side.

“ Are you telling me you want this ? You expect me to believe you want my hands on your body?” He sneered, fingers moving up to grip my hair. “You don’t want this and you don’t want me....Just like i don’t want you either. i’ll never want you. ”

“You don’t want me.??.. You have a funny way of showing it..” I scoffed , staring right into his eyes rolling my hips up into his , greeted by the hard press of his length against my thigh. “ And to be honest i don’t give a damn if you’re still in love with her , all I want is my name on your lips if you want to get off with me. Because I’m not just a toy you can use to replace your dead wife. I have a name and you should remember it. "

He growled again, fingers squeezing hard against the back of my head till my scalp felt like it was on fire.

“I hate you. “ He said clearly. “ I hate you and everything you’ve done to me.”

“Everything I’ve done to you? Oh you mean save your life? Taek care of your baby girl like she was my own? Give you the chance to rebuild your entire career.? Turn you into multi millionaire again? Good. Hate me. The feelings mutual. “ I snapped. “Now if you hate me so much why are you still here? Get off me.”

“I’m not going anywhere, wife.” He sneered. “ Because like you said, I’ve paid for this.” He drawled, reaching down and squeezing between my legs. “And I’d be a pretty bad businessman if i don’t collect from my investments.”

Before I could retort, he pulled back, just enough to grab me by the waist and flip me over on my front. I flinched when he grabbed my arms, yanking them back and trapping my wrists together in his fist at the base of my spine. My cheeks pressed into the leather couch, sticky and uncomfortable.

i heard the sound of his zipper, the clink of his belt buckle.

Coward.

I shivered when he pushed my skirt up.

“Don’t enjoy this too much, yeah?” I snapped, “ You hate me remember?”

“Easy enough to forget its you when I don’t have to look at you.” he retorted.

He slipped one arm under my waist, lifting me up just enough for him to yank my panties down.

“Just remember , you don’t get to blame the alcohol for this .” I sneered. “ You’re sober and clear headed and you’re hard for me. “

Somehow that seemed to bother him.

He stopped .

I could feel the hesitation in his limbs.

It made me laugh.

“You know Jungkook, i took you for lot of things but a coward wasn’t one of them.”

“What the fuck does that mean huh? I should put you in your fucking place for how insolent you are with me... ” he pressed down on me and i gasped when I felt his chest pressing into my back, his face inches from my own. I flinched when he sank his teeth into the mating mark on my neck.

“it means that if you’re going to do this, if you’re going to talk big about putting me in my place like the big bad alpha that you are, at least own up to the fact that you’re attracted to me. ”

“ You forget your fucking place, omega.” he hissed, voice sharp and furious against my ear. “ Another word out of that mouth and i won’t be responsible for what i do.” I gritted my teeth when he curled his fingers around the inside of my thigh, parting my legs and settling in between.

He pushed into me in one strong thrust and my eyes flew open in shock.

“Fuck.... why are you so fucking tight...” He groaned and my shoulders began to throb as he fucked into me, setting a punishing speed that left both of us panting . We were too fucking would up for it to last any longer than a few minutes and yet, i could feel pleasure swell inside me, wetness seeping out of me and onto the leather couch beneath us.

I wondered just how fucked up this whole thing was. Just how much damage were we doing to each other?? But it was hard to care too much about it, because even if though it was a terrible way to talk things out at least he had talked. It was nothing new....nothing earth shatteringly enlightening but he had said it all out loud and that made a difference.

“You think you can come into my life and dictate how i fucking live.” He grunted against my ear, fingers tightening on my hair. “ it pisses me off.”

“Everyone dies, Jungkook. People die and they leave loved ones behind but Life goes on. It has to go on. You can’t just pause life to grieve. Mina needs you.” I felt my eyes begin to sting with tears, the adrenaline from the argument fading and my body threatening to go limp as he drove into me at the same punishing pace.

He didn’t respond, fingers closing around my throat and squeezing lightly instead.

“Save your platitudes before i decide that the warmth of your body isn’t worth the grate of your voice on my ear.” He snapped and I whimpered when he stilled, spilling into me.

He stayed pressed up against me. breathing harshly against my ear and i waited till both our breaths evened out.

“It’s not selfish to move on Jungkook. You aren’t insulting your wife’s memory by wanting to move on. “ I said softly. ” Someday your heart and mind will agree with me. Whether you like it or not. That’s just how pain works, Jungkook. One day it’ll pack itself up and walk out of your heart in the middle of the night. You just have to hold on till then.”

He didn’t reply, merely drawing himself up and off me.

Once i heard the door to his bedroom slam shut i dragged myself up , thighs shaking and sticky. I grimaced at the mess on the couch. I stared at the packet of baby wipes on the table nearby and shuddered. That just felt wrong.

I’d just have to go grab a washcloth from the bathroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On that weekend, we had another dinner to attend, this time with a few investors from out of the country or so Namjoon told me.

Although we didn’t talk about what happened and he didn’t try to touch me again, things were subtly different.

Something had changed in the way Jungkook behaved with me. There was a little less of the usual zombie like indifference and he actually seemed to be avoiding alcohol actively. It was a welcome change. But to make up for it, Mina went into a growth spurt. Which meant ten minute naps every hours or so with wailing sobs in between.

i was exhausted.

So much so that Jungkook told me that he didn’t want to pick Mina up from Seokjin’s place till the next day.

It was a little past one in the morning when I finally trudged into the apartment. Jungkook wasn’t black out drunk but he was definitely a little loose limbed, eyes just a shade more glassy than usual.

“Tonight went well. I’m thinking the guy from Macau is definitely going to consider investing.” He muttered, gripping the door frame and taking off his shoes.

I toed my own heels off, feeling upset and bereft.

“Why would you tell Jin oppa that we’ll get Mina in the morning? She’s not used to being away the whole night.” I complained, feeling jittery and nervous because the house felt so empty and strange .

I didn’t like the idea of being alone with Jungkook without the buffer of his daughter between us. The house felt foreign, the walls seemingly closer together , the space to cramped.

Jungkook dropped his keys in the bowl and tugged on his tie, watching me carefully.

“It’s too late and Jin hyung said she was already asleep. He’ll drop her off in the morning. Just relax. Would you like a drink?”

I stared at him.

What now?

He looked nervous and a tad worried.

Swallowing , I shook my head, turning on my heel.

“I’m going to bed.” I was almost at the door to the nursery when he grabbed my arm, seemingly moving faster than I could breathe.

“Wait, Heejin… “ He stopped, worrying his lip between his teeth before sighing, “I… I need to say something..” He finished and I exhaled sharply.

I tugged on my arm but he wouldn’t let go.

“Jungkook , let me go.” I said sharply. “ I’m not in the mood tonight . You aren’t drunk now and I’m running out of reasons to excuse your actions.”

His hold on my arm relaxed but he didn’t let go.

“Namjoon hyung told me about that new therapist.... Kim Taehyung?? . I don’t think it’s a good idea.” He said roughly.

I sighed, defeated. It was expected and yet it stung. I wondered if perhaps I was just beating a dead horse at this point. But Mina deserved to have a father who loved her with all his heart and Jungkook’s heart was so filled with grief it had no place for his daughter. If there was any chance I could help change that, I would take it.

I tugged my arm away again and this time he let go.

I tried to smile encouragingly. it was hard because i was all out of comfort, my own exhaustion too overwhelming at the moment.

So I took a deep breath and reached out to lightly touch his arm.

“Listen, no one’s asking you to make a decision tonight, Jungkook.” I tried to smile a bit more widely but it probably came out as a grimace, “ Just sleep on it and think about why you think it isn’t a good idea. Taehyung’s an alpha and he may understand you better. Think about it and you can let Namjoon know later.”

He didn’t reply, merely staring at me till I began to feel a little hot around the collar.

“Well, Good night then.” I made to turn away but he grabbed me again, this time by my wrist.

“Wait.”

Patience wearing just a little thin, I stared at him, waiting as he requested.

“I’m sorry about what I said that night. At the party last week. About you not being her mother. I shouldn’t have said that.”

It was the first time he had apologized for anything.

It took me a second to even remember what he was talking about.

“Alright. I’m not mad. And I understand why you said it. Its fine. And you’re right. I’m not her mother and I should be more careful. ”

He nodded and then stepped back.

“ I’m sorry. For a lot of things. ” He bowed awkwardly and I could only stare at him, shaking my head. The apologies were somehow both welcome and abhorrent to me.

They were the kind of apology you would offer a stranger. And that made them insincere because I wasn’t a stranger. I’d been through too much these past few months, to be treated that way.

For now I could only accept them at face value.

“ Its alright. Just go to bed Jungkook. And listen to Namjoon oppa . I know you don’t trust me but you should trust him. He only wants what’s best for you. ”

I sounded twenty years older than I actually was and grimaced.

"There’s one more thing. Can I... I need... “ He stopped and stared at the floor.

I felt a huge sense of foreboding rise up at that.

“Are you going to pull the i paid for your body card? “ I said bitterly. “ You made it very clear that i can’t say no. I don’t see why you’re bothering to-”

“You can say no.” He said softly. “ You can say no.”

And then he looked up at with limpid doe eyes, shining with all the stars in the galaxy and I wanted to sob at the unfairness of it all.

“ And if I say no, where will you go? To a brothel? you’ll come back smelling like another beta or omega and you can’t come near your daughter till it fades. Which is what? A week? “

Jungkook didn’t say anything and I felt helpless.

“Is that why you sent her away tonight?” I demanded and he looked genuinely surprised.

“What? No. Of course not . i just...You looked exhausted. I thought you’d like a night off. And just... I don’t want to have sex. Can you just sleep with me. I just... I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“What’s so special about tonight?” i rolled my eyes already moving to his bedroom instead of the nursery.

He stared at me for a few seconds, eyes empty in the dark of the hallway.

I waited a whole minute before sighing. This was excruciating and my heels hurt from wearing heels all evening. i wanted to curl into the air mattress on the floor of the nursery , possibly lie sleepless till dawn and then drive down to pick Mina up from Jin’s place.

“Jungkook , let’s just go to bed and forget-”

“Its her birthday.”

I barely heard him, his lips barely moved and his voice was so low.

I stared at him. Not sure if I’d misheard.

“What?”

“Its her birthday. “ He repeated.

“You can say her name.” i said calmly. “ You’re not betraying her by saying her name out loud in front of me.”

He went a little stiff at that and i wanted to kick myself for the remark. What a hypocrite I was. I’d reprimanded Namjoon for trying to dictate Jungkook’s grief and here I was , doing the exact same thing.

“I’m sorry. God, Jungkook... I’m sorry. i shouldn’t have said that. i didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me.. I... of course you don’t have to be alone. Should i call Namjoon oppa? Or Jimin?” I asked gently.

“It’s Sooah’s birthday.” He was still staring at the floor, apparently he hadn’t heard a word I’d said.

I had a sudden flash of memory, remembering that Jungkook used to sing. He had sung at his wedding seven years ago. Serenaded his wife as she walked down the aisle. I had been young then but i remembered thinking how evident his love was in every syllable sung .

Something i could hear even now, in the way he said her name.

“Okay. What would you like to do? I... I can make seaweed soup.” I said softly. “ We can go see her if you like?”

He stared at me.

“I want to go alone.” He said finally.

I hesitated.

“I’ll drive you. i’ll stay in the car. You can’t drive.” I reminded him.

Jungkook’s driver’s license had been suspended after one too many traffic violations. I drove him around often .

He didn’t reply, staring out of the huge bay windows and i sighed.

“Alright... Why don’t you go change into something more comfortable yeah? i’ll get the soup going and we, “ i bit my lips, “ , I’m sorry, And you can go see her. “ I smiled, before moving to the kitchen and grabbing the dried seaweed. I soaked it in cold water, before getting the beef, garlic, soy sauce, salt and pepper and the sesame oil from the cupboards.

Ten minutes later, the soup was boiling away and I peered out at the door leading to his bedroom. I was still wearing the cocktail gown and my head was beginning to throb. I oved to the nursery and stripped quickly, slipping on my white t shirt and a pair of pink corduroy shorts.

I would be in the car anyway. By the time i finished taking off all my make up, the soup was done and Jungkook was slumped over the counter. He looked drained, more so than usual . In fact he looked notably worse than how he was ten minutes ago.

Torn between the urge to draw him into my arms and the helpless knowledge that he would absolutely hate me touching him , i merely hovered near the stove, pouring the stove into a small airtight container.

On a whim I moved to the cupboard in the corner that housed all the crockery and threw it open.

“What was her favorite bowl?” I said casually, staring at him.

He blinked, staring at me like i was speaking a foreign tongue.

“Her favorite bowl , Jungkook The one she always drank or ate from?”

He swallowed but leaned his palms down on the granite countertop, levering himself off the tall stool of the kitchen island and making his way over to me. I stepped back, giving him space to peer into the depths of the black marble shelves.

He finally stuck a hand in and drew out a pale yellow and mauve bowl , a little worn but intact.

He held it carefully, running his fingers gently over the bowl, savoring the surface his wife had once caressed with her own fingers. I watched as his lips curved, a pale pale imitation of a smile but a smile nonetheless and I felt my breath catch in my throat.

This was probably the first time he’d smiled in the three months i’d known him.

My heart began to pound, a steady staccato that began rising in volume and i willed myself to stay calm.

“I..uh.. I can wash it for you.” I said softly .

The smile disappeared as quickly as it had come and he stared at my outstretched hand like it was a snake .

Face almost eerily blank he cleared his throat.

“I’ll do it.”

i watched as he moved to wash the bowl under the spray from the faucet and finished clearing up the kitchen. i grabbed a small bag to keep the sea wood soup in and held the bag open when Jungkook finished washing the bowls. He grabbed a fresh kitchen towel and carefully wiped down the moisture before wrapping the bowl in the towel and keeping it inside the bag, carefully.

I smiled and zipped the bag shut.

“Lets go shall we?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I sat waiting in the car, staring out into the darkness of the parking lot, while the rain poured torrents outside the glass windows of the car. I felt unaccountably alone, like I was the only human being left on the planet.

It had been a little past an hour since Jungkook had disappeared into the building that held his wife’s ashes. I wasn’t sure if i should give him a call. Had he fallen asleep in there.

I told myself I would wait another hour and if he didn’t come out, I would go check on him.

I dozed lightly against the window, exhaustion beginning to creep in. I wanted to sob at how tired i was. I could have gotten a full nights sleep, something i hadn’t had since the day I took Mina into my arms.

But then, i remembered the tiny smile that had sprung up on his face and i grinned despite myself. That was progress wasn’t it? It definitely was. I was sure that if only Jungkook could be convinced to go meet Taehyung , the alpha therapist, things could get so much better for him. I wanted to have him at least halfway to being ..... capable of handling his own daughter, before i left him. if not the worry alone would eat me alive.

I was just getting ready to perhaps climb over the console and nap in the backseat when my phone rang.

I glanced at the dashboard, frowning. it was two thirty in the morning.

Who?

I grabbed my phone from the bag and my heart leapt to my throat.

“Jin? What’s wrong? What happened to her?” I could feel my heart threatening to give out, any number of terrible possibilities running through my head in a vicious loop.

“nothing happened, Heejin , take a deep breath... She’s just running a fever. it was quite low earlier but its hitting 101 now and I’m getting a little worried. I’ve given her cold baths and kept a wet towel on her but it doesn’t seem to be coming down.”

“We’ll be there in ten minutes! “ i said quickly.

“I’m sorry, Heejinah, i don’t have any experience with babies and-”

“it’s alright...thank you for calling me oppa!” i hung up , already fumbling with the door and stepping out into the rain. i was soaked through in three second flat. What a day to wear a white t shirt.

I ran quickly, stumbling a little on the gravel pathway and hoping to God i was going the right way. I ran into the foyer, the poor security guard falling asleep over his desk glancing up at me in sympathy.

“there was a man here earlier?”

“Second floor third room.” He said casually.

I nodded, already rushing for the steps. I climbed the four flights of stair in two minutes, my heart threatening to give out. I found Jungkook in the room , kneeling on the floor and he looked at me in shock that swiftly turned to anger.

“Jungkook-” i gasped because the run up had robbed me of my breath.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He moved so quickly I could barely blink before he was right up in front of me.

“Jungkook, I... We need...” I tried to draw a breath in but before I could form the words he grabbed my arm, so hard that I whimpered in pain.

“I told you i wanted to be alone, what the fuck is your fucking problem?!” He snarled.

“Jungkook-” Before i could finish, he yanked me just a bit closer to him before shoving me out of the room with his wife’s portraits and the small ornate vase that held her ashes.

it wasn’t that hard.

He didn’t push me in a very brutal way.

In fact it was probably with lesser force than what anyone slamming a door would use.

But,

Jungkook was six feet two. He weighed a 170 pounds.

I was a hundred pounds wet and barely came up to his shoulders.

And it was just my luck that the wall opposite to the door had a large concrete and granite horse figurine placed right in front of it.

I crashed into the torso of the equine, my bones rattling inside me and I whimpered when my wrist made contact with the hard surface, bending a bit out of place.

I slid to the floor in a wet lump, trying to catch my breath and process what had just happened.

Jungkook stood frozen by the door horrified as he stared at his hands, as thought he couldn’t quite fathom what he had just done.

A sharp burning pain began in my sides and I gasped out.

“Oh, fuck.” I swore.

Jungkook moved to help me up but i was already crawling away from him, scrambling to my feet, ignoring the ache in my side.

“I’m sorry.” I said softly, holding both my hands up. “ It’s Mina...she’s running a fever. We need to go get her.”

“Heejin-ah, I’m...”

One more apology and i would officially lose it, i thought slightly hysterically.

“its my fault.” I said sharply, “ I should have probably tried calling you from the car instead of barging in like this but Jin called and i got worried...I wasn’t thinking straight so I’m sorry about that... I think we should go get her as soon as we can.”

“Did i hurt you?” He demanded , reaching out for me again and I nearly fell again trying to move away from his touch.

“No.. No I’m fine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you sure, we don’t have to go the doctor.? “ He asked nervously, watching me carefully wipe down her body with the slightly damp wet cloth. I nodded, carefully squeezing the water out before dipping the towel in water again.

“She’ll be fine. Her fever’s come down and with babies this young, its safer to care for them at home than to take them to a hospital.” I said casually,

“I wasn’t talking about her.” He said stiltedly.

I blinked, staring up at him in surprise.

“What?”

“I think we should go to the doctor. You fell hard. ”

“Jungkook what are you even on about?” I said crossly, steadfastly ignoring the pain in my sides. It was sharp and unbearable with every breath I took in but I was too terrified to go to the hospital and have them tell me I’d cracked my rib or something.

Partly because that would be so inconvenient.

Partly because Jungkook would probably go back to being a guilt ridden shadow of himself if that happened.

“I’m going to call Yoongi hyung.”

Before I could protests some more he was already on his feet, moving to the living room.

Yoongi arrived thirty minutes later , annoyed and sleepy, dressed in a soft white t shirt and stone wash jeans.

“It’s four thirty in the morning , she better be dying Jungkook..” He rasped out near the front door and i flinched at the murderous tone to his voice.

Suddenly , i hoped desperately that my ribs had cracked.

Yoongi stepped in , staring at me . He took in the mess of quilts i sat on and sighed.

“Come here and take your shirt off.” He said gruffly.

I blinked, feeling blood rush to my face. Was he always this handsome? Hating the very unwelcome flutter of nerves, I moved to stand in front of him, grabbing the hem of my t shirt .

But the movement jolted my rib and pain sharp and lancing shot through my side. I yelped and dropped my hand again breathing harshly which only seemed to make things worse.

I swallowed and Yoongi blinked, reaching out to gently grip my elbows.

“Hey...relax ... “ He said gently.

I felt the press of a warm chest at my back.

“Let me help hyung.” Jungkook’s voice rumbled through my body, his chin brushing the top of my head and he bent over me from the back, fingers gripping the hem of my shirt and carefully lifting it up to just above the curve of my breasts.

Yoongi was staring at Jungkook over my shoulders expression unreadable.

“So you do know how to act after all.” He commented drily and I heard Jungkook inhale sharply behind me.

“Hyung...” He said sharply, and Yoongi merely rolled his eyes.

“How did this happen?” He ran slender fingers all over my skin, feeling each dent and dip carefully.

“I ..uh.. I sort of fell into a statue? It was made of concrete and quite heavy.”

His face shifted into a frown.

“Jungkook , tell me you didn’t push her.” He said sharply and I jumped a bit.

“No...he didn’t.” i said sharply and Yoongi ignored me , staring right at the alpha behind me.

“I didn’t mean to.” He said finally.

“You broke her rib, kid.”

I groaned in defeat. Behind me Jungkook stiffened.

“It was an accident.” I said sharply and Yoongi gave me an unimpressed look.

“If i had a won for every wife that told me that.”

“It was my fault and-” I shut my mouth. I did sound like the poster child for abused wife in denial.

“Relax... I’m not going to send your handsome husband to prison.” He chuckled. “ This time.” He added, giving Jungkook another glare.

“It won’t happen again. ever. “ Jungkook’s voice shook a little.

I sighed, already imagining the self flagellation that was probably going on inside the alpha’s head.

Yoongi’s voice drew me out of my head.

“Its not a break. It looks like a crack which is easier to heal. But i still want you to come in tomorrow. We’ll get it x rayed. Its going to take a couple of months to heal.”

I gaped.

“Months?”

“As long as you take it easy you’ll be fine. Now where’s the little one?”

Yoongi dropped off a small bottle of pediatric paracetamol and told me to keep an eye on her temperature before bidding us goodbye.

Once the door closed behind him, Jungkook turned to me , eyes wide and lips parted.

“If you apologize , I’m going to throw this at your face.” i said calmly, fingers closing over the neck of the ceramic vase on the table.

Jungkook blinked.

“I’m sorry. “ He said nonetheless and I sighed, pulling my hands away.

How fitting. Neither of us could act out of character.

Jungkook couldn’t stop blaming himself for everything under the sun.

I just couldn’t bring myself to hurt him in any way.

“Just go to bed , Jungkook. I’ll be fine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : As always the pain is here and probably going to get worse. But Jungkook seems to be turning mildly human so let’s see if he can keep that up. Also handsome pediatric doctor Yoongi as second lead because i like to torture myself.

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pfreadsandwrites · 4 years ago

Text

九つの命/9 Lives Translation

Hi!! So, @foxy-and-tales asked me to tell her what was going on in the comic mentioned in this post. After skimming through it, I thought it'd be good practice - and it'd be easier to answer her question - if I just went through it and told her what it all meant. I realised by that point I was doing a translation, and since I was going to the trouble anyway, I thought I'd post it publicly.

So, the full comic is here. It's basically a comic that has 7 little stories about Kakashi's ninja hounds and their lives with Kakashi. It's an adorable, heartfelt story and I absolutely love the personalities that the artist gave all the ninja hounds and the depictions of their relationships with Kakashi.

My translation will be this post, follow it as a script. I don't have the skill or knowledge to edit and typeset and change the images myself - and I wouldn't do that anyway, as it would involve reposting the art and changing it without the artist's consent. But I do think that not referring to the pictures as you're reading through the script really harms how sweet this story is, so if you can go through the comic slowly whilst referring to my (amateur) translation of it, I hope you can get a glimpse of that!

WARNINGS: There is a depiction of an already dead dog in part 4 😢, and some (human!) male partial nudity in part 6 (😉)

Tagging: @scaredlittlefoxy @lemony-snickers @backalleykat @whatshernameis @gwedosuns @topsyturvy-dream @ice-icebaby @cosmiclattes

This is also the artist’s note that follows after the comic, that I’m putting here:

(Artist’s note translation)

"This is a story about the daily life of Kakashi and the eight ninken.

The ninja dogs’ personalities etc mightn’t be faithful to the source material.

The dogs live free range in Kakashi’s house.

There is an illustration of a dog dying, though it isn’t any of the ninken. Please take note.

You don’t have to read it, but below this are the dogs’ personalities:

Shiba: Friendly and sensitive

Biscuit: Childish and Selfish

Akino: Calm and cool demeanour

Bull: Timid and Quiet

Urushi: Ladykiller. A little bit dim. (Note: Himbo!)

Guruko: Annoyingly helpful and naggy

Uhei: Pure-hearted and cheerful

Pakkun: Same as in the series"

Some notes and then onwards into the translation under the cut:

Please take heed before continuing:

I’m not a professional translator, in fact I’ve done very little of this, so there’s some guesswork and liberties taken, and I don't claim that that there’ll be no mistakes.

I’ve separated it out by sections and pages, so you should be able to follow the story from following the speech bubbles (right to left) and referencing the lines here by speaker

Each space between a line denotes that it’s the next speech bubble

A new line but no change in speaker will denote that it’s the same character talking, but in the next panel or speech bubble

Italics means the character is thinking or flashbacks. I'll try and make this obvious as I go but the artwork should make that clear too.

Brackets are my additions, or me translating things like signs etc, or brackets will have smaller background dialogue not in speech bubbles. I'll try to make this clear as I go.

Stuff surrounded by * denotes actions or onomatopoeic actions/words in panels

Ask me if there’s any parts that confuse you about the story!! The way I’ve done this isn’t easy to follow but it's the best my dumb brain could come up with

TRANSLATION:

Title page

(p.1)

ここのつのいのち

9 Lives

(p.2)

1. ‘I won’t tell anyone’

(SFX: dogs playing and wagging tails)

Kakashi: Hm? You’re not gonna play, Shiba?

Shiba: …No. …Hey, Kakashi’

Kakashi: Hm? What?’

Shiba: There’s a girl I like’

Kakashi: Ohhh… I won’t tell anybody.

I won’t tell ~ I won’t tell ~

(p. 3)

Shiba: She’s really cute…

Kakashi: That’s great ~

Shiba: But I haven’t even spoken to her once

Kakashi: You should go for it ~

(SFX: *happy dog panting*)

Shiba: I’ll come back as soon as I’ve talked to her!’

Kakashi: Yep!

Shiba: I’ll be right back, definitely!

Kakashi: Ok, ok (lit. Yes yes)

(p.4)

Shiba: She’s already got someone (lit. she’s already in a couple/has a mate)

Kakashi: I see…

Shiba: She said her mate hurt his leg and can’t walk so he's staying at home…

(p.5)

Kakashi: Shiba, you know.. have feet that can walk anywhere…

So maybe you’ll meet an amazing girl again, won’t you?

(*dog cries*)

Kakashi: ...I won’t tell anyone. (*Comforting doggy*)

I won’t say anything. I won’t say anything.

(Kakashi: Aw, Shiba is pretty sweet to me, huh?)

2. Biscuit’s Sausage (note: I know his name is technically Bisuke in Japanese, but Biscuit is his dub name and it’s too adorable so that’s what I’m going with here! Also suits the personality he has in this story. What a biscuithead this boy is)

(p.6)

Biscuit: -You’re so sneaky, Kakashi! I wanted to eat sausages!

*crying dog noises*

(Uhei: Sorry, Kakashi…

Guruko: I told you!!)

Kakashi: You know if you eat sausages, Biscuit, your tummy will get sick, right? I’m boiling cod for you right now

(*tantrum noises, pounding feet and barking*)

Biscuit: *angry puppy noises* I hate fish, you idiot! I said I want to eat sausages! Sausages! Sausages!

Kakashi: *sternly* Biscuit

Biscuit: *whimper*

(p.7)

Biscuit: Kakashi, you IDIOT!

(2. Biscuit’s Sausage)

Biscuit: *sniff*

(Sign says Konoha Pet Food)

Biscuit: This is the store that sells the dog food Kakashi buys! Wow, maybe they have sausages here too!

(p.8)

Biscuit: I wonder if I'll be able to eat as much as I want… *gulp*

But if I did that, Kakashi would get in trouble

No, maybe…

*heart pounding*

Kakashi kept it (this) a secret just from me, because I'll get sick...

(Apron says Konoha Pet Food)

Shop Lady: *shuffles*

Biscuit: I didn't do anything yet!!! * heart pounding*

Shop Lady: Oh my… you really just talked!

Shop lady: You’re Kakashi’s pup, aren’t you?

(p.9)

Shop lady: Kakashi got you to come here, huh?

(Shop lady: you’re a good boy!)

Bisuke: Oh, no-

Shop lady: Though, he shouldn't have made you come pick it up without contacting us, huh? Here, sausages!

Biscuit: Sausages?!

Shop lady: There’s a pup among you guys that can’t have normal sausages, right?

It was a request from Kakashi.

He said he wanted me to make some especially for the puppy who can’t handle meat.

(p.10)

Shop lady: Well, here you go!! You’ll tell Kakashi we’re sorry for making him wait, won’t you?

Biscuit: Oh, um… But I don’t have any money…

Shop lady: It’s fine, because it’s Kakashi!

Whenever he has free time, he comes to pay.

I have a deal with him, you see. And he can't get the food if he's not here...

Next time, come together with Kakashi, okay?

(p. 11)

Kakashi: *casually picks up Bisuke* Thank you! This is for you ~

Shop lady: Thank you, come again!

Biscuit: Kakashi…

Kakashi: Hm?

Biscuit: Sorry…

Kakashi: Yeah…

I’m sorry too. I gave everyone else sausages while keeping it a secret from you.

I thought you’d definitely want some if you saw…

(Kakashi: But I got caught.)

(p. 12)

Kakashi: But…. Everyone’ll want some if they see this, too.

How about stopping by the park and eating it there?

We’ll keep it a secret from everyone 😊

Bisuke: *happy face licking and barking* When we get home, I’ll eat the cod too!!

Kakashi: Uhh… Well, Uhei and Guruko already ate it…

Bisuke: WHAT?!!!

(Flashback, Uhei and Guruko saying ‘Cod! Me too!! Me too! I want to eat some too!’)

3. Kakashi’s smile

(p. 13)

*paws thudding on ground/running away*

Kakashi: …Got you.

Akino: Ack!

It’s always only me that you brush so roughly, Kakashi!

Kakashi: It can’t be helped, can it? You have the thickest fur, Akino

*brushing softly* It’ll be over soon, it’ll be over soon…

Other doggies: That seems nice to me, Akino…

Kakashi: Hey, it’s falling out, it’s falling out ~

Akino: !!!

Kakashi: Look, it’s a mini Akino!! So much fur…

Akino: That’s too much hair off the bottom, Kakashi! Wha…

(p. 14)

*Kakashi continuing to laugh at his mini Akino*

Akino: There are times now where Kakashi summons us, even if he doesn’t have any business for us to take care of…

(Back then) he never ever summoned us outside of missions…

(p. 15)

Akino: He was doing all kinds of things, but he was the kind of person who never had a smile on his face…

Kakashi: If I had more time, I could make an even hairier one, you know

(Other dogs: *laughing* Akino: That’s a lie!)

Akino: Kakashi…. You're having fun?

Kakashi: *genuine smile* Yep, I am!

Akino: *smile* If you feel like it, you can keep going…

Kakashi: Oh?

(Later, Akino notices Kakashi has put sunglasses on the mini Akino)

4. Timid Bull (CW Animal Death)

(p. 16)

Bull: I’m the last ninja hound that came to Kakashi’s home.

Before that, I was living in a training centre for ninja hounds.

(4. Timid Bull)

The dogs I lived together with there… were all adopted when they were puppies.

But I still lived at the training centre, even as I became fully grown.

Ninja Hey, that dog looks tough, doesn’t he?

Centre manager: Yes, but… he’s not all that suited for battling…

Despite how he looks, he’s actually a timid dog.

Bull: I… I’m scared of insects. I’m scared of noises.

I’m scared of blood.

Centre manager: Because he can understand the stories of troubled humans, you see…

Bull: I’m scared of anything other than myself.

(p. 17)

Bull: Nobody would want a dog like me, right?

Kakashi: I found a good boy ~

Bull: *panicking* There’s no manager here!

Kakashi: Hello ~

Bull: …Hello… *heart pounding*

Kakashi: Ah, one that talks, huh…

Would you like to become one of my pups?

(p. 18)

Bull: Me…? Me, really? Quit it… That’s enough joking around.

Kakashi: What do you mean?

Bull: No-one wants me (😢)

Kakashi: No-one?

I want you, though.

Bull: What kind of a strange person would want me, I thought

(p. 19)

Bull: There were lots of dogs at Kakashi’s house

(Happy barking doggy noises)

Uhei: Woah, you’re huge! But among these guys, I have the fastest legs, you know!!!

Guruko: And I have the best nose!!

Biscuit: And I’m whiny!! (Note: lit. ‘I’m selfish!’)

Shiba: I have the sharpest bite!

Pakkun: I am the wisest. (Note: Pakkun I think uses Kansai-dialect Japanese lol so he sounds kinda... distinct. This is hard to convey for me lol)

Urushi: I’m popular with the ladies ;)

(Akino: I’m the fluffiest!)

Bull: I was so confused

You… you’re not scared of me?

I’m huge, and I have a scary face… So no one comes near me.

They all said they weren’t scared.

The reason, they said together, was…

(p. 20)

‘Because Kakashi brought you, Bull!’

Everyone was totally relaxed, as if they had no worries at all.

They all clung to me as if it was completely natural to do so.

I realised that there’d always be someone beside me.

(p. 21)

*sounds of paws scuffling against ground in first two panels*

*jumping to the ground noise in third panel*

Kakashi: …Bull, this way is a dead end.

Bull: …Sorry.

I couldn’t go back to where you were, and I thought so, but -

(p.22)

Bull: *looking at dog* He asked me to stay by his side.

…He was an enemy, but he was already dying.

That’s why, Kakashi….

Kakashi: …Yep.

Let’s give him a send-off together.

(Note: this was a tricky one because Kakashi says 送る, which means send, and is used with mail etc, but can mean to say farewells to the deceased, which is why Bull comments on it on the next page)

(p. 23)

Bull: He wanted to say ‘I want to bury him’

But Kakashi said ‘send-off’.

Lightly, as if his life force was still there

There… there are a lot of things that scare me.

When I was waiting for this dog, I was scared.

But I couldn’t refuse his request.

(p. 24)

Bull: …I’m spineless.

Kakashi: Everyone else has lots of things they’re scared of, you know.

That’s why they all stay by your side, Bull.

If you’re there, everything will be alright. That’s how everyone feels.

If you’re close by, everyone’s able to feel safe.

(p. 25)

Kakashi: ….This puppy, too.

Dying dog: …Please…

Bull: That dog…

Dying dog: Stay with me, until the end…

Kakashi: Because you stayed with him, Bull, he felt at peace, didn’t he?

Bull: I don’t think that dog was happy…

…Kakashi.

He was very thin, and he also smelt like he was sick

To protect themselves, his owner didn’t treasure this [this dog’s] life.

Kakashi, I…

Somehow, I..

I’m very…

(p. 26)

Bull: I wanted to cry out as loud as I could..

Kakashi: Yeah… (I’m not sure who’s saying this line)

Bull: For feeling guilty towards that dog, and for knowing Kakashi…

For my life being here now.

For my life, I wanted to cry it out until the blood came out of my throat.

(p. 27)

Bull: That dog…

I wonder, was that dog ever able to feel like this, even once?

(Flashback) Doggies: Because Kakashi brought you, Bull!

Uhei: Hey!!! Bull!!

Shiba: You’re late!!

I was worried, you know!

Guruko: (to others) Hey, Bull came back!!

Bull: I’m Bull. The dog that Kakashi found.

5. Urushi’s scales

(p.28)

Urushi: I think I’m good looking

(5. Urushi’s scales)

Girl pups: Ahh~ Urushi…~

Urushi: I’m popular with the ladies

(note: he uses メス, which means bitch in the literal sense - a female dog - and all the puppers use it to refer to human women too. So I just left it as ladies, as I don't think the pups mean it to be crass, they just use dog language and apply it to humans as well as themselves)

Sometimes I’m told ‘it’s probably because you’re one of Kakashi’s ninken’, but…

(Background lettering over the other dogs says ‘Unstylish/Uncool/Lame’)

But my other friends aren’t all that popular, really.

Still, I think it’s because I really am good-looking after all.

(Choruses of ‘Urushi~’, ‘Ahh…; and ‘Let’s play together, Urushi)

Urushi: Hehehe…

Being good-looking is a great thing.

Guruko: Hey, Kakashi!

(p. 29)

Guruko: You got hit by a girl again, didn’t you?!

Kakashi: *laughing* No…

Akino: Why were you hit by a girl? Do girls not like you?

Uhei: It looks like it hurts…

Kakashi: Nooo ~

Shiba: You’re so strong, Kakashi, why were you hit?

Biscuit: You couldn’t avoid it?

Guruko: *Steam from nostrils* I’ll fight her for you!

Kakashi: It’s fine, it’s fine ~

What are you saying?

(p. 30.)

Urushi: Kakashi said ‘I took responsibility’.

Sometimes humans say things I don’t understand…

Girl dog: Urushi… pair up with me.

Urushi: If Kakashi’s saying it, it must be important…

Be… Because I’m one of Kakashi’s ninken?

Girl dog: It has nothing to do with that. I like you, Urushi

Urushi: Wow… *heart pounding*

Girl dog: Pair up with me, and…

I want you to leave the ninken. (Lit. Stop being a ninken)

(p. 31)

Girl dog: I love you, Urushi, but what if, on a mission, you…

I can’t stand the thought of that!

Leave the ninken, and… always stay in the village with me?

Urushi: This girl’s a beauty, and has a kind personality…

I think that I might want to be with her…

Should I leave the ninken?

(p. 32)

Urushi: *perplexed*

Kakashi, Bull and Biscuit: *zzz, sleeping sounds*

Urushi: If I said I wanted to leave the ninken…

Kakashi: (in Urushi’s imagination) If that’s what you want, Urushi

It’s fine with me! (Background: It would be a shame, though…)

Urushi: I feel like Kakashi would say something like that…

Do I want to do that…? Not really, but… *sigh*

Hey, Pakkun.

(p. 33)

Pakkun: Something bothering you?

Urushi: Yeah, there is

I have to decide between two things, but it’s difficult…

I want both of them, but I can’t have them.

Pakkun: … Is it a girl problem?

Urushi: Yep ~

Pakkun: That’s just like you, Urushi. (Pakkun’s imagination shows two girl pups arguing:

Urushi!! Which one will you choose, me or her?! *indignant barking*)

When making a decision about something, one needs to think about what’s most.

...important to oneself.

Let’s say you balance both sides on your scales…

Urushi: My scales?

Pakkun: For example….

(p. 34)

It’s not the physical weight, but the weight of what you think is precious and important. It’s the weight of those feelings.

If you think about which is heavier, you’ll find the answer.

Kakashi: You guys are having a kinda complicated conversation, huh…?

Pakkun: Oh, Kakashi, you woke up, did you?

Urushi: *heart pounding*

Kakashi: My scales lean towards sleep, you know..

Let’s eat soon, okay? Please…

Urushi: Kakashi…. Are you happy that I’m here?

(p. 35)

Kakashi: Hm? Yeah, I’m happy!

Urushi, of course I’m happy ~

(Note: the word Kakashi uses is 嬉しい, which is ‘ureshii’ so Kakashi is making a pun with Urushi’s name here.)

Urushi: *blush* Okay!

Pakkun: What we were just talking about… Don’t talk about it in front of Shiba.

Urushi: Huh? Why?

Pakkun: Seems like he recently had his heart broken…

(p. 36)

Urushi: The thing that’s most important and precious to me… isn’t you.

That’s why I can’t be with you.

I can’t be with you, but… you’re a beautiful and amazing lady.

So, let’s meet again one day ~

Biscuit: Kakashi! Kakashiiiii! It’s awful!!

(p. 37)

(*throbbing pain*)

Biscuit: Urushi’s hurt!!

(*dogs barking*)

Guruko: Let’s go fight them!! *steam from nostrils*

Shiba: No way, is it a girl? Kakashi, you better tell him off!!!

Kakashi: Did you get into a fight with a dog from the village?

Urushi: No, it’s not that…

I took responsibility.

I’ve got a manly mark on my face, heh~

Shiba: You better tell him off!! *bark*

Pakkun: That’s it…

6. Kakashi’s Helper Team!

(p. 38)

Kakashi: I’m home~!!!

Guruko: ?!!! Kakashi, you stink!!

Kakashi: *sweetly smiling* Oh, stop it…

I saw Asuma after a long time, and we talked and ended up getting some drinks… It was nice to see him… *flops down on floor*

Guruko: Take a bath!!!

Don’t go to sleep!!

(*soundly sleeping*)

(p. 39.)

Guruko: Uhei! Uheiii!

Uhei: What is it?

Guruko: Let’s clean up Kakashi!

(6. Kakashi’s Helper Team!)

Uhei: Ehh… But if he wakes up, he’ll take a bath himself, won’t he?

(SFX: Heave-ho! Heave-ho!)

Guruko: We can’t leave Kakashi as he is when he’s this stinky! It’s fine, take it off!

Uhei: Uh, this is stuck half way, I can’t take it off

Guruko: Because you haven’t taken off his leg bandages!

(p. 40)

Guruko: Damn, this is stuck half way *pulling*

Uhei: Isn’t that because you haven’t taken off his headband?!

Guruko: This is enough, let’s carry him to the bath like this!

(*dragging noises*)

Uhei: Won’t his clothes get wet?

Guruko: It’s fine, because we’re going to wash them anyway!

Uhei: It’s amazing… Kakashi still hasn’t woken up!

Guruko: Okay, let’s wash him!

Uhei: Isn’t that… the shampoo that we use?

Guruko: It’s totally safe!!

If it’s fine for us to use, it’ll be fine for Kakashi too, right?

Uhei: I guess…

(p. 41)

Uhei: We can wash his body, but what about his clothes?

(SFX: *scrub scrub*)

Guruko: If we wash them together, it’ll be fine! Hey, pour some hot water over here ~

Uhei: Okay!

(SFX: *splash*)

Kakashi: *suddenly yelling* I’m gonna die!!

Guruko: *screaming*

Kakashi: Even with my face covered, if you pour hot water on me, I can’t breathe, you know!! You really can’t do that.

Guruko: You woke up…

(SFX: *heart pounding*)

Uhei: You really scared me…

(p. 42)

Kakashi: You’d started something, and I wondered how far you’d carry on… Ah, I’m drenched.

Guruko: Ah, I’m sorry, Kakashi!!

Kakashi: Well, anyway.. you guys ended up cleaning yourselves pretty good too. You’re all drenched, too.

Guruko: Then I’ll go get some towels!!

Uhei: Kakashi, Kakashi

Guruko acts the way he does, but he really loves looking after you!

Kakashi: I know.

Biscuit: I want to have a bath with Kakashi too ~

Guruko: That’s not it! It’s just all slippery (note: not accurate, but the gist is that Biscuit misunderstands and Guruko puts him straight)

7. I’ll always love you

(p. 43)

(Flashback)

Sakumo: Pakkun…

Pakkun…

I have a favour to ask.

(Present)

Pakkun…

(SFX: Snoring)

Kakashi: Pakkun..

(SFX: Gasp)

Pakkun: Huh?

Kakashi: It’s time to eat.

(p. 44)

Pakkun: Alright.

(Other dogs: Food~ Food ~

Kakashi: Yes ~ Yes ~)

(Flashback)

Sakumo: Pakkun…

Pakkun….

Pakkun..

(p. 45)

Pakkun: Kakashi?

Kakashi: Hm?

Pakkun: For the mission report before… You didn't need me, did you?

Why did you bring me?

Other dogs: We want to come too!!

Kakashi: It’s just Pakkun for today

Kakashi: Hmm…

Hey, let’s relax here for a little while.

Pakkun: What’s this…

Kakashi: Come on…

Well…

(p. 46)

Kakashi: I want to talk about Dad.

…No. Maybe it’s a confession?

Talking about Dad…. Felt like something we couldn’t even broach. Ever.

I think you felt this way too, right, Pakkun?

I couldn’t tell you earlier that ‘it’s all right now’. Even though it was.

It was just a matter of timing, I guess…

Pakkun: But I wasn’t waiting for you to say that… Even if you’d have said it earlier, that’d have been good, but..

Why, out of the blue like this?

A change like that… Just like…

Just like…

(p. 47)

(Flashback)

Sakumo: I have a favour.

(Present)

Kakashi: The day Dad died…

Ever since then, for a long time, now… I became strange.

I’ve been nothing but trouble for you.

Pakkun: Kakashi-

Kakashi: Even though… you were hurting over Dad not being here too.

(p. 48)

Kakashi: Dad was your first master, right?

You really were precious to him.

….The other day, when you were having a nap, I woke you up, didn’t I?

It might have been because of the food, but your nose was twitching.

At first, I thought you were growling.

When I woke you up, you had a really startled expression when you looked at me.

I understood right away.

You were thinking about Dad, right?

(p. 49)

Kakashi: You were having a dream about Dad that time, right?

Thank you for always being considerate towards me…

But it’s alright now.

From now on, I want you to tell me…

The things about Dad that only you know.

(p. 50)

Pakkun: Sakumo…

(Sakumo: Pakkun…)

Pakkun: …really was a loving, kind man.

Kind, and…

(Sakumo: Pakkun…)

Pakkun: Kind, and…

…Kakashi.

I’ll tell you about Sakumo.

The things I’ve always wanted to tell you

I’ll tell you now.

Kakashi: Okay.

(p. 51)

Kakashi: Thank you for telling me about Dad, Pakkun.

Pakkun: …Don’t you dare die.

(Pakkun…)

I’ve had enough now.

Yeah. Enough.

(p. 52)

(Sakumo: I’m asking.…)

Pakkun: Sakumo…

The two of you are exactly alike.

Kakashi: Oh, really?

Pakkun: Everything’s alright now.

(p. 53)

“Kakashi!”

(p. 54)

(No text)

(p. 55)

Kakashi!

(p. 56)

Kakashi

(Note: I think the favour Sakumo asked of Pakkun was to take care of and be mindful of Kakashi always. This isn't outright stated)

#naruto #kakashi #kakashi hatake #hatake kakashi #pftranslates #fan comic #translation #fan translation

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canary3d-obsessed · 4 years ago

Text

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed - Episode 02

Warning: Spoilers for all 50 episodes!

(Masterpost ) (Previous Episode) (Next Episode)

Donkey Riding

way ho and away we go, donkey riding donkey riding way ho and away we go, riding on a donkey

Wei Wuxian and Apple are doing their best for the Ministry of Culture and Tourism.

Xiao Zhan had trouble riding the donkey sitting side-saddle, so the Department of Questionable Practical Effects made him a fake leg to wear while riding regular style.

Can you spot it? It’s very hard to spot. It is very convincing.

Simple Pleasures

Wei Wuxian takes his time wandering up the nearest mountain, and half of the cultivators in the land also wander up this mountain because...Night Hunting! The cultivators are hot and thirsty from walking because they forgot that they all know how to fly.

Wei Wuxian relaxes by a well and listens to people stanning him.

Also

I’m going to say it: Wei Wuxian never met a drinking vessel he couldn’t blow.

Everything is Beautiful at the Ballet

The actress who plays A-Yan is named Zhang Linran. She probably has studied dance since she was 4 and now she gets her big break which turns out to be feeding an apple to a donkey. So let’s pause for a second to look at how beautifully she moves.

Reunions are Awkward, Part 1

Wei Wuxian meets up with one of his family members and it goes super well.

I...like Jin Ling? He’s much less of a douchebag than his dad, his uncles Jin, Jiang, and Mo (the three stooges), and every damn one of his Jin cousins. He’s genuinely brave (his Dad’s primary good quality) and his hair is on fleek. He’s still a whiny diaper baby, but I like him.

(much more after the cut!)

Then Jiang Cheng shows up, looking fine as hell and radiating peak arrogant-prick energy.

When he discovers that ‘Mo Xuanyu” stuck a piece of paper to Jin Ling, he tells the child to literally murder him. Excellent uncleing! A+++++ would recommend.

“In fact, literally murder anyone who uses Yiling Laozu’s tools, like talismans, lure flags, or spirit compasses - basically murder everyone in the Lan Clan plus those other fanboys we saw coming up the hill. Then get out there and make some friends, goddamn it!”

These nets full of cultivators on this daytime night hunt are the only time we ever see anything in a net during a night hunt. In fact dudes constantly go night hunting and the only prey we ever see is rock lady, murder turtle, and a couple of rag mops in the lake.

You Are Not Qualified to Speak to Me

Also radiating arrogant-prick energy on this occasion is Lan Wangji. He has been using pettiness as a weapon since long before he met this Jiang Cheng turkey, and he *brings it* when Jiang Cheng tries to have a conversation with him.

Letting your eyes wander everywhere except to his punchable face while you ignore his passive-aggressive questions? Quality work.

Dropping a silence spell on his child and then letting your own child explain it to him? Golden.

Lan Wangji is never ever going to forgive Jiang Cheng for what he did on cliff day, and his silence here is as pointed as an ice pick. I suspect the last words Lan Wangji actually spoke to him were “Jiang Wanyin, stop it,” sixteen years ago.

Jiang Cheng is actually the bigger person in this particular interaction, visibly mastering his temper and telling Jin Ling to take his medicine.

Reflecting

Wei Wuxian hangs out by a beautiful river and hallucinates for a while. River Jiang Yanli is nurturing and River Jiang Cheng is pissed off, so there are no surprises there. River Jiang Cheng thinks that Wei Wuxian is a promise-breaking douchebag. He’s not exactly wrong.

Courtesy of convenient gossiping cultivators, Wei Wuxian discovers that the 16 year old arrogant kid from the Jin clan who his brother from the Jiang clan has custody of is actually and quite obviously Jin Rulan.

Well fuck I guess now I care about something, that’s inconvenient.

Needing to help parent the child of the sister who parented him is what draws Wei Wuxian fully into his new life.

As soon as he has this realization, Apple comes back from roaming around, and never gives him any trouble after this for the rest of the story. Which...probably doesn’t mean anything.

Wen Gravesite

Does Wen Ning hang out here because it’s where he and his (dead) people came from? Oh great, now I am sad.

Judging by all the leaves on this grave thingy I’m going to say that this grave tender dude is, ah, not very good at his job.

Get him, Jingyi!

I feel like maybe we all focus too much on how Lan Jingyi is so hilarious and sardonic and not enough on how he is a such a biscuit.

Soul Grass

As mentioned in the previous post, Chinese spiritual concepts don’t always translate well into English. Soul grass? Sure, why not.

This is where Wei Wuxian’s Sherlock Holmes brain starts to work, although he still doesn’t remember really basic stuff about Dafan Mountain. Dying and changing bodies is rough on the old neurochemistry. This creates more opportunities for flashbacks, however, and if there’s one thing The Untamed deffo needs more of, it’s kissing flashbacks.

Temple Statue

Presumably grave-tender dude is also in charge of clearing away spiderwebs at the temple, because it’s not getting done.

Jin Ling walks into the temple blaspheming at full volume.

Since this isn’t a Greek story, he isn’t immediately struck blind for this. Then when he wishes for the statue to come alive, it obligingly does. Everything’s coming up Rulan!

Wei Wuxian shows up to rescue all the kids by throwing talismans at the monster which does not tip anyone off to who he is.

Baby Cultivator Babysitting

Lan Wangji chills out in the cultivators’ pavilion with Jiang Cheng and their mutual hate boners.

Meanwhile, Wei Wuxian forgets all about his nephew and turns into cool professor guy, explaining the basics of soul-eating to the baby cultivators and gleefully encouraging their fear of Hanguang-Jun’s punishments.

Because the Lan babies are good filial children they are super respectful and engaged with this random adult who is lecturing them. They also - like their own Hanguang-Jun at their age - see and admire Wei Wuxian’s intellect. It’s easy to forget how extremely smart Wei Wuxian is, because of how extremely dumb Wei Wuxian is.

Lan Jingyi suddenly figures out Wei Wuxian is not crazy.

Bis. Kit.

Then Rock Lady shows up and Jin Ling sticks 6 arrows into her while Lans Jingyi and Sizhui stand around not bothering to draw their swords.

I see a lot of comments about the bad effects in the statue sequences but I think Rock Lady is all right. The figure animation is decent and the lighting is no worse on her than on everything else in the scene. Her hair is nice, for a rock person.

Admittedly I just finished watching Guardian which has CGI monsters so bad they may have injured my retinas and possibly also my DNA, so the bar, for me, is pretty low. Rock lady clears it with room to spare.

Note: Wei Wuxian’s flute playing does zippity towards controlling the statue. Not sure what his plan was here.

Wen Ning Kicks Ass

Now we get to meet Wen Ning, who appears to be a stone-cold badass. Later we will discover how hilariously inaccurate that assessment is.

While all versions of Wen Ning are delightful, this version of Wen Ning is also...strangely attractive? He’s got a Patti-Smith-Horses-Era vibe here, instead of his more usual lost-baby-dork vibe. And his dreamy “I have nails in my head” expression is intriguing.

I mean, he’s not a total snack like zombie Song Lan or pre-zombie Song Lan or blind Song Lan or post-zombie Song Lan, but this look is a good one for Wen Ning, is what I’m saying.

Reunions are Awkward, Part 2

Lan Wangji, who has 99% already recognized Wei Wuxian because of the haunted sword and the fierce jawline and beautiful neck and tiny tiny waist, is summoned by his flute playing as inexorably as the Ghost General was.

Jiang Cheng also recognizes Wei Wuxian and goes into full beatdown mode, thwarted (silently) by Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian attempts to preserve his incognito by sassing Jiang Cheng in as sibling-like a manner as possible.

Hanguang-Jun’s Pro-Ghost Agenda Has Been Clear for Some Time

This Jiang/Lan fight is hilarious when you consider the implications.

Macroexpression vs. Microexpression

Mo Xuanyu brought Wei Wuxian back using sacrifice summons, a dark ritual invented by Wei Wuxian that he, most likely, did NOT show to Lan Wangji back in the day. So it’s a pretty safe bet that Lan Wangji doesn’t know that Wei Wuxian was gifted a body, rather than stealing one.

when your brother turns around, you must whip him you will never live it down unless you whip him

When Jiang Cheng lets loose with Zidian, it’s not just because he’s angry. He’s using purple power to force Wei Wuxian’s ghost out of the body he’s apparently possessed. And Lan Wangji instantly STOPS him from doing that.

Clan Leader Jiang: this person has been possessed, against their will, by an evil ghost

Future Chief Cultivator Lan: Counterpoint: I am banging the ghost

Flashback Time

Welcome to your 30-episode flashback!

Once I used to join in Every boy and girl was my friend Now there's revolution, but they don't know What they're fighting

Let us close our eyes Outside their lives go on much faster Oh, we won't give in We'll keep living in the past

Road Tripping to Summer School

Gosh I’m looking forward to younger, kinder, more relatable Jiang Cheng.

...prick.

Incidentally, until now this episode didn’t know that Jiang Cheng has smile muscles, and neither did the person who glued his wig on for him.

I Like Rabbits

Here we have our first rabbit in a large collection of rabbit iconography that appears in The Untamed.

Instead of sending everyone to the Wikipedia page for Tu'er Shen I’m going to take this opportunity to rec the short film Kiss of the Rabbit God by Andrew Thomas Huang (tw: blood, tw:body-mod cutting) which you can read about and watch over at Nowness.com

Particularly if you are a queer person of Chinese heritage, check it out.

So. What the fuck are these? Are they food?

Are they made from wax? Or corn starch? or pig intestines?

Wei Wuxian runs off to get laid drunk and Jiang Cheng grumps about it. Jiang Yanli reminds him that being free is a Jiang Clan Rule, so really Wei Wuxian is following the rules by not following the rules. Does that mean he’s not free? My head hurts.

Jiang Cheng: yes but grump grump grump

Jiang Yanli: Nothing bad will ever happen because of A-Xian’s choices, trust me

Outro

Wei Wuxian faint tally: one Caught by: the cold hard ground

Soundtrack: 1. Donkey Riding by Great Big Sea 2. Living in the Past by Jethro Tull 3. Whip It by Devo

Fic prompt: Lan Wangji’s internal monologue while he sits in the pavilion with Jiang Cheng

If you write a fic from this prompt and want to share, please post a link in comments!

Bonus: Wang Zuocheng, macro-expression king

Episode 03 Restless Rewatch coming soon!

#the untamed #fytheuntamed #the untamed spoilers #the untamed gifs #the untamed stills #my gifs #my stills #restless rewatch #restless rewatch the untamed #canary3d-original #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #lan wangji #lan jingyi #c-drama #bl drama #the untamed memes

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hops-hunny · 4 years ago

Text

Distance Makes the Heart Grow

CHAPTER 7

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Mafia Boss!Neville Longbottom x Reader

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 2.2k

Summary: (Y/n) lives a normal life. But that’s the issue, it’s normal, it’s plain, and it’s growing boring. Everyday she wishes for something, anything to spice up her life. But, when her old school friend (and crush) shows up at her bakery with a new look (and what looks like a new life), what will it bring for her? Will their puppy love grow? Will his big secret lead to the end of them or will it spark a new beginning?

Warnings: mentions of insecurity

A/N: I love and hate this chapter so much

Although this trip wasn’t for leisure, Neville was doing everything to treat it like it was. No matter how busy he was with planning the current mission or even seeing what else Italy had to offer money wise, he made sure to make time for (Y/n). Everyday had been a dream come true, from softer moments down to more...intimate moments.

He hadn’t taken her all the way yet nor had he asked her to return the favor but he didn’t need her to. Spending hours upon hours between her legs was more than enough for him. The small whimpers and whiny moans that would erupt from her plagued his thoughts during all times of the day. Most of the time he’d step away to take care of himself when he did but other times when that option wasn’t available he’d pray to Merlin that his obvious hard on would just disappear. It was 50/50 with whether that’d actually work and when it didn’t? The guys would never let him forget.

Today was different though. Instead of having to split his time between preparing for the big day or spending time with his beloved he got to do both. Today was the day before they’d put their plan in action, making it the safest day to bring her to the museum considering there was no risk. Because the museum received many visitors on the daily, no one ever questioned their consistent visit. Plus, their attire often made them look like the kind of people who admired art, which wasn’t an incorrect assumption. They did appreciate art, just even more so when it was in their home or being sold to some rich idiot.

(Y/n) looked around in awe at everything around her. Everything about the museum screamed class and money. There wasn’t just art on the walls, but the ceilings had been hand painted as well. However, her eyes fixated on the glass display in the center of the room. Inside was an array of jewels of all sorts, in crowns, in rings, in earrings, but also in the most beautiful necklace she had ever seen. It had the biggest diamonds she had ever seen, connected by a white gold chain. Reading the sign she saw it belonged to a queen of a country that no longer existed and it had clearly been kept in immaculate condition over the years. A matching set of earrings set on the other side of it.

“See something you like, petal?” she jumped at the sound of the voice, turning her head slightly to smile at the man. Neville smiled back, wrapping his arms around her waist as he came behind her. His eyes lingered on the way her reflection made it seem like she was wearing the necklace. He couldn’t help but think of how beautiful she would look in it.

“No, just looking.” she responded, turning around to wrap her arms around the man’s neck. However, she couldn’t help but feel as though someone was staring at her. Looking out the corner of her eye, she saw a womanly figure facing her direction. She went to look but her attention was turned to the warm cheek on her hand. Neville leaned down, pressing his lips to hers not even trying to fight the smile growing on his lips. She kissed him back, standing on the tip of her shoes before pulling him down to her height as she giggled. He went to say something but muffled voices started to come from his ear piece.

“Sorry, it appears our time has been cut short for now. But don’t worry angel, I’ll be back as soon as I can be.” he said, placing a kiss on her lips before pulling her into a hug. Over his shoulder, (Y/n) watched as the woman from before quickly turned back to the painting in front of her, as if she wasn’t just staring at her. Perhaps it had been her imagination? Giving him one last smile she waved as the tall man began to walk away.

Curiosity began to get the best of her, leading her to walk across the room to the woman. Looking at the painting she saw that it was indeed a beautiful painting! It showcased many people inside some sort of marble lookout point, gazing upon the sea. A gasp left her lips at the attention to detail, the wet appearance of the water, the reflection of the sun. Despite it not moving like the ones she was used to, she found that it didn’t need to be. The woman standing next to her gave her a side glance, a look on her face that she didn’t notice.

“Ti piace il dipinto?(“Do you like the painting?”)” the woman asked her, a mischievous look on her face. Gisele knew that the girl was sheltered just from her appearance. She wasn’t nearly as traveled as herself so there was no way for her to know even an inkling of what she had just asked her.

(Y/n) blinked at her, pondering what the woman had asked her before nodding. “È bellissimo. L'attenzione ai dettagli è incredibile! Non ho mai visto niente del genere.(“It's beautiful. The attention to detail is incredible! I've never seen anything like it!”)” she looked at the woman as she choked slightly, a concerned look on her face.

“You speak italian?” she asked in an offended tone, an unreadable look on her face. (Y/n) shrugged some, continuing to look at the painting.

“Not quite. I’ve only been learning for a few days. My boy- er, friend taught me but he says I’m a quick learner! I’m sorry if my translation was a bit off.” she said, offering the woman a kind smile. The woman’s eye twitched at the information, growling slightly. But, she remembered she had some “information” of her own.

“You mean Neville?” the strange woman asked, causing her to look up. She nodded slowly, offering her another kind smile.

“Do you know him?” she asked.

“Know him? Ha!” she sighed dramatically, putting a freshly manicured hand over her ample chest. “We were practically married! He and I were seeing each other for such a long time. I’m assuming you’re dating then?” she smirked to herself, watching as the girl shook her head no. “No? Well I guess that isn’t too shocking. I mean, why date a knock off when the real thing is still available. Oh! Where are my manners? I’m Gisele Bardot, Europe’s one and only top model.” (Y/n) felt her throat grow tight as she swallowed harshly. Neville had never once brought up Gisele to her. In fact, he had even gone as far as to say he hadn’t dated anyone, saving his heart for her.

“Knock off? What do you mean?” she asked her innocently, blinking back the tears that were threatening to form. Perhaps it was a simple misunderstanding. However, Gisele’s cackle of a laugh told her otherwise.

“Oh honey, are you really that naive? Look at you, you’re a lesser version of myself. Do you really think that’s a coincidence?” she stated as if it was a face. She took the time to look at Gisele and realized she was right. Gisele had all the same features of her, but better. Higher cheekbones, fuller lips, her hair was healthier. And when it came to her body? (Y/n) could only dream of a chest as nice as hers with a stomach so flat, so toned. Was it a coincidence or was Neville really using her as a replacement for what he couldn’t have. “Poor thing, anyone with eyes could see-”

“Could see what?” Twyla seethed, placing an arm around her shoulder as she walked up to the two. (Y/n) felt relieved from the familiar face, wiping the tears that had fallen from her eyes, much to her efforts of trying to get them to not do so. “What business do you have with my friend?”

“We were just chatting! Right..” her eyes widened at the fact she didn’t know the girl’s name. Twyla smirked, giving her an expectant look.

“Go on, what’s her name?” Twyla asked in a fake concerned tone. As the model stood there gaping, mouth opening and closing like a fish, the blonde scoffed, grabbing (Y/n) as she dragged her off.

“Come on (Y/n), we don’t associate with trash. Especially not trash wearing grandma’s pearls and perfume.” she turned around once more, looking her up and down. “It’s a good thing you’re a model because you sure don’t know how to dress.” and with that they were off, walking out to the garden of the museum. When they got there, the taller girl looked at the (e/c) eyed girl, a concerned look present on her face. “What was that? I don’t like her, she gives me bad vibes. Not like, sinister, just...petty. I’ve seen her in those magazines and stuff. What’s her name? Gizette?”

“Gisele. Apparently she was Neville’s....Neville’s ex girlfriend.” tears began to fall from her eyes as she sobbed softly, falling forward into her friend’s chest. Without hesitation, the blonde wrapped her arms around her, hugging her close. “She essentially said that I’m just a replacement for the real thing which is her and, it must be true! I mean just look at her, she’s gorgeous Twyla! Runway gorgeous. She’s an international model and I’m..I’m just me.”

“Oh honey, I hate to ruin this heart to heart, actually this is an awful heart to heart, but she’s definitely lying! I’ve seen the way Neville looks at you and so has everyone else. I’ve got this feeling that he’s lying and you know me with my feelings, they’re always right.” (Y/n) looked up at her, sniffling some as Twyla wiped at her runny makeup with her tissue. “Plus, that easily could be the other way around. How do you know she wasn’t just a replacement for you?” she froze at her words. She was right, it very well could be the other way around. How would she know unless she asked? As if she read her mind, the next words aligned with her thoughts perfectly. “You know, there’s only one thing to do.”

“Ask him about it?” she gulped at the thought. Neville had been nothing but kind to her since they reconnected. She had nothing to be scared about. Whether it was learning the truth or Neville himself she feared she didn’t know. Or, at least she didn’t wanna admit which one it was.

“Oh..I was gonna say find this bitch and replace her shampoo with nair. You know, maybe even give her some of that tea my aunt gave to her husband.” Twyla shrugged, leaning back some with a sigh. “Buut, that’s good too.”

(Y/n) gave the girl a questionable look. “Twy….didn’t your aunt use that tea to kill her husband?” the girl nodded, sitting up as she dusted herself off.

“Yeah. Your point?” Before she could respond, Neville came running up to the two of them with a smile. As he placed a peck on her lips, she gave him a weak smile.

“Hi, love. I missed you.” he said, a dopey lovesick smile on his face. He cleared his throat, ears tinted cheeks. “I-I was wonderin’ if uh, you’d like to go on a date with me tomorrow. You know, after the mission.” her eyes widened as she felt her face grow fuzzy. A date? She was sure he had something worse to say, especially after the fiasco from earlier. ‘Gisele must’ve not been able to find him.’

“I’d love to! I’ve never been on a date before.” she answered honestly, giving him a smile. “I can’t wait.” he looked surprised as she accepted, picking her up as he spun her around before setting her back down gently. Placing a peck on her lips, he stroked her cheek.

“Fantastic. Oh I can’t wait. I’m going to spoil you on our date tomorrow,” he leaned near her ear, resting his hands on her rear, “And tonight too. How’s bout you sit on my face again, yeah?” she nodded shyly, looking down at their shoes. Neville chuckled some, walking away before another pair of men’s dress shoes stopped in front of her. Looking up she saw Seamus who gave her a small smile.

“Don’t worry mini boss, I kept that stupid woman away from him.” her eyes widened as she went to speak. “How’d I know? I could tell something was up and plus I saw her enter as we were leaving. Thought she’d try something. Whatever she said wasn’t true.” He patted her back (a bit too roughly..) as he offered her a thumbs up. “But, I know you’d still probably rather hear that from him.”

“You know Finnigan, for someone who acts so stupid you’re kinda smart sometimes.” Twyla said, giggling as she intertwined her hands with Draco. Draco offered her a nod to which she returned before beginning to walk off with the rest of them. She smiled when she saw Neville waiting for her by the door, hand outstretched with the same look he’d always give her. As they got in the car, she watched as the beautiful buildings passed them in the distance. It was then she decided.

She’d ask him, no matter how scared she was of the answer. Neville was sure to give her an honest one, but was it the one she wanted to hear?

PREVIOUS||NEXT

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#neville x reader #Neville Longbottom #neville longbottom x reader #neville longbottom x you #neville x you #Harry Potter #harry potter imagines #harry potter imagine #harry potter x reader #mafia!neville #mafia!au

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i-prefer-the-term-antihero · 4 years ago

Note

Additionally, your thoughts on Dracula and Adrian from the Netflix adaptation of Castlevania? I find Dracula really tragic, and the ending scene of Season 2 crushed me because I was not expecting Adrian to cry. He’s usually so stoic and calm that I didn’t think he would weep, I expected him to just shrug it off like heroes usually do, but no, when given time to process everything, the first thing he does is break down into tears. Sypha was right in calling him a brooding teen in an adult body.

Ohh man. If you just take a look at my writing blog (or anywhere I post my fanfiction) it’ll become pretty clear pretty quickly how I feel about them XD So far all my Castlevania fics have been about the Tepes Family. Adrian and Drac are my favorite characters in the series!! (Though I do love pretty much all the characters in it.)

YES YES YES!!

They did an incredible job making Drac sympathetic and tragic. I don’t know if you know anything about the games, and granted, they couldn’t put a lot of story stuff in the games, but (at least as far as I’m aware) in most of them it’s like “ya, he was an evil dude who did evil things because he was evil.” So it actually would have been pretty accurate to the source to make him just an unsympathetic, irredeemable villain, but they didn’t and I LOVE them for it. Playing Symphony of the Night (Alucards game) after watching the series l was almost longing for that Drac I know and love from the series, (though it’s fun to see evil Drac too).

As I’ve said, I adore redeemable villains, and they did an amazing job with him, to the point where pretty much everyone in the fandom adores him, which is extremely tough to accomplish—even if you write a redeemable villain well, often large parts of the fandom don’t see it and hate the character. I knew that the point was that they were going to defeat Drac but I have to say, especially since I originally knew nothing of the games, I was hoping they’d save him by the end.

I think the fact that he liked and was kind to Hector and Isaac was evidence that he wasn’t too far gone. I mean, the only two people he genuinely trusted and liked in his court were human…that’s so interesting, I wish it was at least talked about, either in the show or in the fandom. I think he actually liked humans, partially or especially because of Lisa, he just...was so angry, and needed someone to blame. He probably ultimately blamed himself for not being there to save her, and it was just easier to blame the humans he once hated/didn’t understand, even if in reality he didn’t hate them as much as he thought he did...

Doing more thinking and research into the show for my “If These Walls Could Talk” fic I recognize now that symbolically it made sense even within the show that he died when Lisa died (which I can explain more about if you want but id probably end up going off on a long tangent so I’ll save it)...but I still thought practically, in the show, he could have still been redeemed.

Omg I LOVED that. The longer I take to sit with it, the more I realize just how much I loved that they put him crying instead of shaking it off.

It’s very interesting that Drac and Alucard are more openly emotional characters. I might be totally wrong, but as far as I remember, they (...and Lisa when she dies, and probably Isaac in a flashback), are the only main characters we see openly cry. It’s a pretty bold move to make any of your characters emotional like that, but especially your villain, and your bold handsome hero. It’s sooo easy to get emotional characters and emotions wrong…or just offputting to some people...but more on that later.

I think Adrian and Drac are both rather sentimental, in an odd way. Much of Drac’s motivations in the show and even in the games (the times his motivations are explained) had to do with his wives (yes he was married before Lisa in the games...unless Lament of Innocence was retconned...) which is interesting. So many of his decisions are based on emotion. He lets Lisa in just because he likes her, he goes to war with the world because of Lisa, he sits in his study mourning her loss, he let’s Alucard kill him… I also notice very often he digs his nails into his palms until they bleed, presumably because if he didn’t he’d hurt someone else (in the scene where he hurts Alucard, he does this). His sentimentality doesn’t diminish is power as a villain, which is SO difficult to accomplish.

I am emotional myself so I absolutely love to see emotional characters, but for most people, seeing even a normal character be emotional diminishes them in their eyes, or makes them whiny, so making your villain even a little emotional, and having that not take away from the audiences perception of their power as a villain is sooooooo hard to do, and I applaud them for making a so well-beloved, and still villainous and intimidating, but also emotional (at times) villain.

For Alucard. I don’t see any problem with him being emotional, but it makes even more sense if he’s a teen in an adult’s body—which was indeed portrayed quite well.

Yes that was interesting when he cried when drawing his parents!! I wasn’t expecting that when I saw him drawing them. I was enjoying and intrigued by his story so much, then when he started crying I was caught off guard—but in a good way. It really made me feel for him, and understand that he was still grieving his mother, and that knew the gravity of what he was currently doing.

I think it’s kind of important to show that kind of thing in a situation like this. It’s easy to think Alucard hates his dad, and they need to show the emotion of the situation to make it clear “no he doesn’t hate his dad, this actually breaks his heart, he just knows he has to do this.”

I loved when he was telling Trevor and Sypha about how much the world would lose by killing Dracula. It’s really interesting that he hides his emotion with them, and that Trevor and Sypha are so stoic. The son of Dracula isn’t the guy you expect to be the only hero who cries.

In “For Love” when Trevor’s like “Don’t get weepy about it” I was sitting there, sobbing, like “No, please get weepy about it! Let the boy cry for goodness sake!! Give me some emotion!!” But I too was not expecting him to cry like he did, and in grieving the death of his parents...

I knew the crying scene was coming because I’d seen pictures of it on here and pinterest, but I had no context for it. In the end it wasn’t just the weeping itself that made the scene so impactful, it was everything surrounding it. I didn’t know it would happen when he was completely alone (and would be for the foreseeable future), and in grieving his parents, or about the ghosts/flashbacks before it (cementing his grief), or that it was literally the last scene of the season, or that there would be no music for both the scene and the credits thereafter.

And that was what really got me.

Because, firstly, we never got to see any flashbacks to his childhood, and that was what I was begging for the entire series (and hence why its what I write about). To finally get it, and it not to just be something the audience gets to see, but something Alucard himself is seeing... a happy memory he’s seeing when he knows that is completely gone, he cannot hope to have it again, and for him to now be in his father’s place…that’s heartbreaking. Like just having your character cry—let alone those kinds of full-on sobs—is painful enough, showing a son grieving his parents is a particularly heart wrenching kind of sadness, but showing that he is haunted by memories of those parents he lost—not only lost but one of which he killed, and, if SOTN is canon for the show, the other of which he could have saved—of a happy childhood, and he is alone with these memories for the foreseeable future...that is truly heart wrenching.

Also the scene with Trevor and Sypha in the wagon earlier in the episode was super sweet, they could have easily put the Adrian crying scene earlier, and had the Trevor and Sypha scene be the last scene of the season (and Trevor’s game actually does end with them looking into the sunset, so ending with the last scene of “For Love” would be accurate as well), and left it on a positive note, and the audience would have been left with a completeness. But they made a conscious choice put his crying scene last, and it was so powerful, because it made you remember that at the end of the day, he isn’t just our bold handsome hero, he was a son who lost both his parents, and that, to him, this isn’t really a triumph, but a loss. It also kinda confirmed that Drac wasn’t an "evil guy, end of story". That there was reason to grieve him, and to show his son grieving, and to leave it there because of it. It was a personal gravity too

In the end, it was the lack of music in the scene, and even more so during the credits, so theres only his tears, and all you are left with in the end is this amplified emptiness that really did me in. I think I literally sat there, tear tracks on my face, my mouth open when I hit the credits.

Playing Symphony of the Night after watching the show is really interesting in exploring his character. I knew there was very little story, so I wasn’t expecting much from the story, but I actually found that I was beyond excited whenever there actually was some story, and the few lines they did say are stuck with me.

Maria comments early on that Alucard’s not very good at talking. At first I just chalked it up to...weird translations or whatever. But the more I played the game and the more I thought about him in the show...I think she’s right. He’s not very good at talking, yet if and when he does talk he’s quite eloquent, and precise with his words. (This actually makes him a somewhat difficult character to write). I wonder if perhaps this has some connection to his emotionalness. He’s very careful with what he says, and this may spread to what he does—such as being careful when he shows emotion. I’m curious why he’s like this. It could just be his nature, but I wonder if as a kid he was ever hated because he was a vampire—maybe people made fun of him, and he cried, and they made more fun of him because of it—and he learned both to hide his emotions, and that he had to be very deliberate and show people he didn’t mean any ill will with his words. (And he looks older than he is so people might call him immature for acting his mental age). All very speculative, of course. But it’d be fun to write about!

Also, another thing from SOTN that is related to this topic, there was a fight that really struck me (enough I actually wrote a fic about it (inverted recurrence)). SOTN takes plays 300 years after the events of The Netflix Series (aka Dracula’s Curse). Most of the bosses don’t seem to have a lot of meaning story-wise, they’re just there for you to fight. The other day I (Alucard) walked into a boss room...and there were Trevor, Sypha, and Grant (who was omitted from the Netflix series). They were fake versions of them, of course. And there’s no dialogue in the fight so maybe I’m just speculating, but what struck me was that the fact that Dracula could use them against him probably means he still cares about them, even after 300 years. It probably also means that they’re some of the only friends he’s ever had. Granted, he was asleep for a good chunk of those 300 years, still. It goes back to that sentimental-ness I was talking about earlier.

I few years ago I watched the Gravity Falls commentaries, and from them I got a lot of the writing advice I still think about and use today. Alex Hirsch said something on this subject which I really liked which is “Hold your tears.” When a character cries they’ve broken, that’s as far as they can go. So if you make a character cry when the audience themselves doesn’t feel the weight of the scene, or it doesn’t feel like the character has broken yet, it can feel like too...much/cheesy, and distance the audience. especially with cartoons where the way it’s drawn can actually affect your sympathy for the character (it can look weird or accentuated).

They did such an awesome job with this by literally holding his tears until the very end. I don’t know how other, non-emotional people felt about it, but Ive don’t know if I’ve ever seen tears used so well in a show, pack such a punch. To have it not just be a part of the scene but literally the focus, and at the end...it was powerful.

Sorry for the long response, and more importantly, I’m beyond sorry for taking so so SOOO long to respond. I hope you enjoy my response, if you see it <3

P.S. For anyone else who made it all the way to the end, I actually have a Castlevania sideblog now: @symphonyofthewrite !! I’d be beyond happy to recieve asks like this over there, if you’d like to hear more of my thoughts!!

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unforth · 4 years ago

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Are there issues with svsss and consent (Just things I’ve heard I wanna know before I read it invade it’s rly not my thing lmfao) or are they more “issues” like in mdzs?

Hmm...okay, so I read SVSSS a bit ago, and pretty quickly, but the answer is basically...yes there are consent issues but I honestly think they’re actually more mild than in MDZS? But it’s also a little complicated, and some of them are different issues...

(spoilers under the read more)

Okay. So, on an overarching plot level, I can think of three potential things that might lead people to say there are consent issues related to the main ship, Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe. Note that I haven’t really seen any posts on this topic so I don’t, like, know what issues people single out? I’m pretty much just guessing.

1. Shen Qingqiu is an advanced cultivator and a teacher. Luo Binghe is considerably younger, and his student. This, obviously, could be seen as problematic. However, I personally didn’t feel it was (even though I’m personally sensitive to this dynamic and generally uncomfortable with it) for a few reasons:

a. Shen Qingqiu has absolutely no idea that Luo Binghe is crushing on him when they’re young. He’s as clueless as can be. (I’ll explain why when I get to “thing two that might make people think it’s problematic”). Like, to a reader who knows where things are going, it’s pretty darn obvious, but Shen Qingqiu is entirely fixated on a belief that Luo Binghe is developing a relationship with another disciple named Ning Yingying, and while he’s occasionally confused, like, “huh why did that happen?” he really is absolutely clueless.

b. Then, for plot reasons, they’re separated for five years...and when Luo Binghe returns, Shen Qingqiu thinks Luo Binghe hates him (for plot reasons), and then they’re separated AGAIN for another five years (or maybe it was 3? something like that) and only then does Shen Qingqiu finally realize he’s massively misunderstood literally everything. So...they haven’t had a student/teacher dynamic for about a decade by the time they actually start having a relationship.

c. While their apparent age difference is pretty big, their actual age difference isn’t, because...

2. Alright, so the basic premise of SVSSS is that a young man named Shen Yuan dies after reading a stag/harem novel, and then wakes up and discovers that he’s been transplanted into the novel he was reading...in the role of one of the villains. From that point forward, the older man “Shen Qingqiu” is actually Shen Yuan. Shen Yuan is still older than Luo Binghe, but less so...Luo Binghe is roughly 14 or 15 when the book starts, and Shen Yuan is probably 20 or 21. Now, that might be an awkward age difference if they started a relationship right away, but as I say above - years and years pass before anything happens. First, the story advances by about 4 years (give or take, it might be more even) before their first separation, and then ten more years pass before they get together. So at the point when Luo Binghe and Shen Yuan (in the body of Shen Qingqiu) actually get together, Luo Binghe is probably around 30 and Shen Yuan is probably around 36, which...that age difference is not significant between two adults, imo.

Further, because Shen Yuan “knows” what happens in the novel, he also knows - it was a stag harem novel. So instead of seeing Luo Binghe’s behavior toward him and thinking, “oh no my student has a crush on me,” he spends ALL the time before the separation being like, “oh, Ning Yingying - she’s in his harem! Oh, that other character - also in his harem! Aw look, first meeting with a member of the harem! Oh oh look he’s talking to a harem member.” He has absolutely no fucking clue and it’s ridiculous.

However, all that said...Luo Binghe never actually finds out that Shen Yuan isn’t the same person as Shen Qingqiu, or that Shen Yuan is even in there. It’s clear in the extras that basically everyone who knew Shen Qingqiu figured out that something had changed and collectively decided... “well the change was for the better so uh let’s just not do anything about it okay?” Luo Binghe isn’t part of that conversation, so it could be argued that while Luo Binghe consented to be in a relationship with Shen Qingqiu, he never consented to be with Shen Yuan. It’s a weak argument, though, since Shen Yuan’s arrival is what derails the original harem plot of the “novel” and causes Luo Binghe to fall in love with Shen Qingqiu - so Luo Binghe never loved the original Shen Qingqiu, he always loved the Shen Yuan version of Shen Qingqiu. So...there is a minor consent issue here since Luo Binghe doesn’t know but it’s small.

3. Now, the third point also relates to the Shen Qingqiu/Shen Yuan divide. Shen Qingqiu BEFORE he becomes Shen Yuan is a nasty piece of work, and is highly abusive toward Luo Binghe. Early on, Shen Yuan is kinda...forced...to continue being abusive? Like, there’s this computer System that’s forcing Shen Yuan to “stay in character,” and he’ll literally die (again, for real and permanently this time) if he doesn’t do things at least somewhat like Shen Qingqiu would. But as soon as he “levels up” high enough that he is “allowed” to behave out of character compared to Shen Qingqiu, he stops being abusive and goes out of his way to help and support Luo Binghe. Now, despite that, I could see a case being made that the weird combination of “highly abusive toward” and then “nice” could be seen as manipulative and gaslighty, so that would open up another potential avenue for consent issues.

Now, on a specific “things that happen” event, all of the ACTUAL consent issues are in the other direction - Luo Binghe toward Shen Qingqiu. Cause Luo Binghe is...kinda a whiny bitch...and he is not very good at taking no for an answer. Like, at one point he literally kidnaps Shen Qingqiu and holds him prisoner. Actually wait, he does that at two separate points. And he always kinda...bullies...Shen Qingqiu in a way that pushes into Shen Qingqiu’s comfort zone.

Further, their first time is flat-out fuck or die (Luo Binghe is the top in the book and Shen Qingqiu is the bottom). That’s explicit, it’s not played as romantic, and Shen Qingqiu doesn’t enjoy it and doesn’t pretend to enjoy it. That’s not to say he’s unwilling - by that point it’s fairly clear he’d like to have sex with Luo Binghe in other circumstances, but it’s very rough and injures him pretty badly, there’s no prep, etc., so it’s not a good experience and it’s not treated as one, but Shen Qingqiu does volunteer because it’s important to him to prevent the “die” part. Luo Binghe feels bad afterwards. Reading it actually gave me more appreciation of MDZS because the scene made it clear that MXTX really does understand consent in ways that hadn’t been clear to me when I read the translation of MDZS.

In general...these two communicate for shit, and so things are never as clear cut as they should be. Also, at least for me personally, I never really fully “bought” that Shen Qingqiu was in love with Luo Binghe. Like, he’s affectionate and indulgent, but in romantic love? I dunno. So in that regard their being a thing always left me a little...unsure...maybe? But that’s a personal preference, and I’m sure there are others who felt differently, and it also might read differently in a different translation or in the original Chinese.

As an aside, there is a side ship which isn’t featured prominently in the novel but is significantly developed in the extras (like, a lot of the extras are literally about them, instead of the main ship). ngl...I wasn’t very interested in them so I didn’t read all their extras? So I couldn’t say for sure? But certainly, those two have some huge power level differences that I could see leading to consent issues, and also, one of them is also from “the real world” and transported in the “novel” (he’s the author) so that also adds a layer of complication.

Sorry if this is confusing...it’s not the easiest book to explain to someone unfamiliar with it.

tl:dr, I personally didn’t think the consent issues were severe; the structural ones (ie, age difference and teacher/student) might LOOK severe on the surface but aren’t as the story is executed, and the “actual” consent issues (ie the fuck or die) are handled, at least in my opinion, better and more clearly than the ones in MDZS were.

Everyone else reading this...did I miss anything? I can’t think of anything else but my memory is so fucking shot that I can’t say I trust me as much as I’d like to.

Overall, I think it’s my least favorite of the three novels, not because it’s bad but because it just doesn’t quite feel...finished. Like, it’s such an interesting idea, and MXTX does a masterful job of twisting tropes throughout it, and more than either of the other books, it improved my opinion of her as a writer, but it feels a little incomplete, like maybe it was more story than she was actually ready to write? Like...she had this idea and she wasn’t quite a good enough writer to see it through to it’s logical conclusion yet, but all the pieces were there, so the potential is through the rough but the execution is a little lacking. Especially, the ending felt a bit rushed/abrupt to me. Then again, I feel that way constantly so some of that was probably me, I like a lot of denouement at the end of a story. (My favorite is TGCF, with MDZS in second and SVSSS in a close third...purely as a novel I didn’t like MDZS all that much but some of that was probably a translation issue.)

ANYWAY.

I’ll stop now.

If, after all that, you’re interested in reading it, I read two translations:

1. This translation, hosted on Tumblr, is really good but still a work in progress (they’ve released like four chapters since I read it in October.) I thought it was excellent and really enjoyed it.

2. Since that one wasn’t finished, I read the rest and the extras here. It was also good, but not quite as good in my opinion.

Hope this helps!

#unforth replies #svsss #svsss spoilers #Anonymous

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llycaons · 4 years ago

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episode 5. this one was ummm weird

I have mentioned before how often wwx apologizes in this arc. a lot of what he does is genuinely insensitive and violates personal boundaries, pushing lwj into situations he clearly doesn’t want to be in. but given how young he is he seems to me like a kid who’s not quite aware of the impact his actions have on other people until he sees the consequences. we do see this later with the drinking incident. and his behavior changes after this arc as he grows as a person and learns to respect other people’s boundaries. and he communicates quite thoroughly his mindset and thoughts and feelings, he’s constantly trying to get lwj to open up and connect with him

this is more clear with these subs (which have a black background now, thank GOD) where he really seems surprised that lwj...hasn’t ever seen gay porn before? wwx, your experiences are not universal.

wait this might actually explain the confusion around telling him there’s a bunch of cute girls in yunmeng. like he has a crush and he’s trying to figure out if lwj is like him but since lwj doesn’t act like him or nhs or any of the gay people he knows he goes and assumes he’s straight. is that anything. does that make any sense at all. no. alright.

anyway he’s so much nicer in cql I swear in the novel he was just fucking with people for his own amusement. and yeah personal growth is a big thing but he was so whiny and obnoxious I couldn’t stand him

!!! the subs saying “if someone hits me, I’m going to hit back” on netflix vs. “I’m not the kind of person to attack first.” netflix makes him sound so much more...agressive? not in a bad way but he’s very clear on what will happen if you cross him. I actually like the viki translation more. he’s younger, here, it’s more of a change to get to yiling laozu mindset

sometimes this show is actually very subtle what with the microexpressions and complicated personal confrontations but usually it’s just bashing you over the head saying “THIS IS IMPORTANT LOOK AT IT” like in the scene where wen qing witnesses jyl and wwx’s affectional interaction. you’d think this would give her a stronger canon relationship potential with jyl, who she actually identifies with, but it seems to have just given her a soft spot for the two in general and she ends up much closer to wwx.

that scene with wen qing and jc was not straightbaiting. we were never meant to actually want them to get together. I stand by that. she looks so disinterested and kind of annoyed whenever he’s in the same vicinity as her. how do you hate women that much to ship them she’s too good for him...mediocre men getting paired with women who don’t like them smh.

jc buying a comb for a girl he barely knows because he’s told that it will be a good gift instead of actually getting to know her and what’s important to her....this early on I actually have no issues with how he acts towards her but it’s kind of painful to watch

im really glad he never had a canon relationship bc I would feel like his issues would definitely spill over and put pressure on his partner. and it’s not like having a crush on wen qing ever inspired him to change his views or improve himself or reflect on his actions or ever consider that he may possibly in the wrong, ever

Edit: oh my god thats what lwj didm that's exactly what he did. he feel in live with someone and underwent great reflection and personal growth as a result. he regretted his past mindset/actions and committed himself to changing for the better, for his love as well as for his community and the people he was given responsibility for. king icon legend etc.

su she is here....little shit....I did feel bad that his cultivation was so weak he needed rescuing

did I mention how bare-bones and boring and one-note this arc was in the novel. gritted my teeth through it.

wwx gives wen ning the protection amulet this episode 😭😭😭😭

#cql rewatch #long post

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all-of-the-imagines-for-eve · 6 years ago

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Bad Liar ~ Embry Call (part 1)

A/n: I miss writing Embry okay? I’ll be writing this and Forget About It mainly until I finish them, unless I get a request I can’t turn down lol. Enjoy!

Warnings: sexual content and friends with benefits. Also a lot of angst

Word Count: 3702

MASTERLIST

I was walking down the street the other day tryna distract myself. But then I see your face- oh wait, that's someone else. Ohh, tryna play it coy, tryna make it disappear, but just like the battle of Troy there's nothing subtle here.

The first time I met Embry Call we were both going into high school. He had hair just past his shoulders tied into a ponytail and a girl who was teasing him about it was at his side. They would looked cute with her giggling and fawning over him... if he didn’t look so bored.

That was the thing about high school. Even more so at parties like the one I met him at, people were temporary and irritating. Miriana, the girl with the doe eyes that was falling to her feet for him, had tied his hair back and was stuttering about how pretty his eyes were.

I would learn later that she had done so and I would quietly shake my head to myself.

In the moment, though, I wouldn't know much about him or his situation with the girl who's name I didn't know until I was dancing. Moving from side to side, really, not full out dancing because I hated to do so in public, but he still was drawn over to where I stood anyway.

"Hi," he greeted.

I smiled. He was even cuter up close. "Hello."

His hands were at his side, his fingers twitching. I moved closer and his fingers wrapped around my waist. "What's your name?" I asked, my volume increased to go over the music.

"Embry Call," he told me. "Yours?" We would talk a lot that night, and flirt even more. I was his pick of the evening and he was mine, but he didn't even kiss me or do anything suggestive - which I had been told was all boys did, especially in high school - so I thought that he would ask for my number, take me on a real date. I hoped. I wanted to see him again.

Long story short: he didn't. Whether he just forgot or wasn't as satisfied with me as I thought, or didn't have a phone, he didn't ask for my number.

The second time I saw him, I had forgotten almost entirely that he existed at all. His face was familiar and it had been a month and a half, but he came up to me. "Hey. Remember me?"

I think it was his voice that did it. Or maybe his smile. Or the light in his eyes. Something that I didn't quite notice yet, but that was definitely only his that marked him as himself. "Oh my gosh," I gushed. "I... yeah." He smiled wider, his nose scrunching as my finger pointed at him, bouncing in midair as I tried to recall his name. Recall. "Call," I managed.

He laughed. "Embry is my first name, but, yeah, my last name is Call."

I was fourteen years old, but I was sure I'd never heard anything as beautiful as his laugh, nor would I ever again. "Hi."

"Hey."

That greeting, a repeat of how we first met, knocked the whole night back into my head. It must have for him too because we took off right where we stopped last time as if there had been no passage of time. There was no awkwardness or hesitation or rekindling after the time apart, just a growth of fire and spark.

As the night came to a close, I asked, "Are you going to forget my number this time?"

He looked at me for a while, tilting his head. "Maybe." I shoved him and he laughed. I don't have a cell, but I do have a house number." So he grabbed a pen from the floor of the classroom we'd snuck off to from the dance in the gym and then offered his hand. "Give me yours?"

With one hand I grabbed his wrist and with the other I wrote, bending over to see the ink against his skin. When I finished, I clicked the pen closed and looked up, smiling. My breath caught as our eyes locked and I realized I'd moved a lot closer than I had been before. I was sure he would take his chance this time, sweep me into a kiss and whisk us off somewhere. I panicked for a second because how would I tell this incredibly attractive boy that I was so into no? He must have seen the fear in my eyes because he leaned away. “I’ll call you,” he told me. I nodded and we parted awkwardly.

For the next long while the tension only grew. We called, a lot. We didn’t go to the same school, just the same parties, so I didn’t see him in person except for then. For two years we would see each other at parties and get closer and closer to each other. The night we kissed for the first time was absolutely wild. We were all over each other. People had been long since spreading rumors and stopped flirting with either of us, but now people had basically seen all the confirmation we needed. The thing was neither of us old drive and we were both so touchy feely and physical in a relationship so the once every two months we saw each other at a party wasn’t enough to sustain us carrying an actual relationship. I started to realize it was more physical than romantic when we were in person anyway. Over the phone he was flirts and mushiness but in person he was hands and tongue.

It was my sixteenth birthday when things took a new leap into a whole new territory. He dragged me to the side, his grin was wide and bright, making me giddy. My dad had died when I was really little and my mom was kinda spacey after I turned about twelve and started walking myself to school. She was chill and affectionate when I asked, but she could never turn down a night out. So when I asked her to leave me the house for the night to have to myself as a birthday present and go have fun, she didn’t even pause to ask questions before she was gone. My school friends had been only too excited to throw a party and as they all got drunk and lost their minds, Embry pulled me through the halls and into my room. He asked where it was and I gave him directions but he was the one leading.

The second we were inside the room and the door was closed, he pressed me against him. I hummed, smiling into the kiss, my hands already in his hair. The kiss got hot, fast, and I found us at the same place we had ended up the last few times we’d made out. On movement away from breaking that last little inch. I expected him to stop like he always did, pull away and chuckle before pulling me to the dance floor or handing me food or a drink to distract me. But he didn’t. His hands gripped my waist and I gasped. “Embry,” I breathed.

He leaned away and I was genuinely disappointed. He saw my face and chuckled. “I’ve known you for two years,” he hummed. “And for two years it’s felt like we were waiting. Drawing lines and shit. What if we... crossed lines?”

My grin was brilliant as I nodded, too fast and eager for my own good. “GOD yes.”

He laughed. “And you’re sure? I’m new at this.”

Sure I was blushing, I moved my hair behind my ear. “Hey if I’m going to lose my virginity, then I want it to be you.” He got a sweet smile on his face, his eyes almost dreamy as he looked at me, far away and admiring and yet right here. Maybe seeing a future me. A future us... To move away from such a final decision, I kissed him again. “Did you come prepared?”

He moved, pulling out a wrapped little thing that I recognized after a moment. “Of course,” he hummed. He leaned in, the kiss different this time. Hungrier. More passionate. More desperate. Less controlled and less calmed. He pulled me off the door, moving me to my bed. I lay with my legs hanging over the edge. He kneeled in front of me and when I rose my eyebrows in question, he grinned. “This is your birthday present.” His fingers moved over my waist band and my head fell back, shivers running down my side. He sounded satisfied with my reaction when he hummed, “Happy birthday Y/n.”

“Please just do it,” I begged, the words coming out sounding whiny and half whimpered.

And then he said something I would never forget, even after he said it a million times after. “Do you need me, Princess?” My eyes went wide and I jumped when I felt his cold hands on my warmed skin. “Are you sure?” I bit my lip, grunting as I nodded again. He unbuckled my belt, pulling my pants down to expose my lower half. He discarded my pants, eyes trained on my underwear- the only thing between us now. He didn’t wait any longer as he pulled the last article of clothing away. The cool air hit my wet core and I gasped again, it turning into a moan as he planted a kiss to my exposed thigh.

He wasn’t hesitant or awkward like I imagined the person would be during my first time. It made me wonder. “Are you sure this is your first time?”

Embry chuckled, his breaths falling against me and making me shiver again. He was really drawing this out, huh? “I told you, it’s your birthday present. I was going to make sure it was good. I did some... research. Some practice. Hopefully it translates well.” I was going to crack a joke but then he leaned down, licking up my folds, and my words cut off into lost choking noises. “You’re so beautiful. So wet. So ready for me.”

JESUS CHRIST THIS BOY WAS ABOUT TO BE THE DEATH OF ME!

Then he sealed the statement by putting a fingers inside me, his mouth closing around my clit to add extra stimulation. It was weirdly wonderful as waves of warmth and a feeling I could only describe as happiness coursed through me. Emotions twisted through me and I would learn only later that I climaxed far sooner than was considered sexy. The tightening of my body gave him hint where my word couldn’t. He pulled away and I’d never gone from so exhilarated to so angry in such a short amount of time. “EMBRY!” I about screeched.

He full out laughed, moving to crawl over me. I crawled back on the bed and he followed me, our bodies curving so my head found a resting place atop my pillow. He took me that night, both of us losing our virginities to each other. At the moment it was the most mind blowing sex EVER, but I would soon come to realize that it was only good. We met several times after, me riding my bike to his house and us sneaking off or him catching a ride with whoever was headed my way and coming to mine. Every party we didn’t waste a second in looking for each other, testing our limits more each time.

It had grown purely sexual, calls short and growing more suggestive as we could be without giving anything away to those who might be listening. I’d wanted to be his girlfriend from the beginning, but we’d settled into a more Friends With Benefits and honestly, I was good with that too.

Seven wonderful months we were together that way. Towards the end it actually had grown a little sweeter, both in the calls and the moments before and after sex and the sex itself. He was more praising and admiring and gentle, caring for me afterwards and complimenting me and cuddling and making me feel wonderful emotionally as long as we were allowed, whether we had only seconds while we were in a bathroom or whether we had all night, alone in my house and snuggled up in my bed, not having to wake up until morning. I was so sure we were going to finalize it and trek this world as a couple, to just friends who fucked.

And then he disappeared.

Suddenly it was like he was made of air. Like he didn’t exist at all. One moment he was talking about how beautiful I was and hw insanely annoying Sam Urey was and the next his mom answered a call, letting me know that he couldn’t come to the phone because he was super sick. So sick she was worried she’d have to take him to a hospital because it really didn’t seem like he was gonna make it. She told me she would have him call me when... if he got better. Her wording correction haunted me for weeks as I restlessly worried about him. My days were filled with worried thoughts and my nights were filled with dread-caused nightmares. I was thankful for it only because my friend finally pointed out that I had real feelings about him. Feelings I had to act on the next chance I got. I kept myself going with the daydream that I would see him again, all better and cheery as I told him how I felt so much for him and wanted to really take things places between us. He would scoop me up and kiss me and tell me he knew exactly what I want and we would be the High School sweethearts that would fall in love and make it despite the odds.

But weeks passed and I heard no word. My patience finally wore thin and then ran out completely and I called the Call house. The phone didn’t even finishing ringing once before someone answered. “Hello?” I froze. His voice was so warm and lively, albeit a little scratchy from exhaustion. He sounded like himself, albeit far more exhausted and worn out. He didn’t sound sick, though. And he definitely didn’t sound dead. Which was a relief but at the same time very confusing. “Hello?” Came again, more confused than greeting.

I swallowed. “Em?” There was a pause before he cursed and then the line went dead. My smile faded off my face. I called again and then again and then one more time before I realized he wasn’t going to answer and it was purely by choice.

I waited another week before calling Jacob Black, who was best friends with Embry and might have some insight I didn’t. And oh boy did he. “He’s with Sam now.” The part that hurt the most is that Jacob had no idea who I was. I’d only met him once but even when I’d told him my name, he had trouble remembering and placing who I was until I finally mentioned my FWB relationship with Embry. THEN he knew who I was. If Embry had introduced himself to my friends, they instantly would have known who he was even if he only used his first name...

To give myself credit, I waited another three weeks after my call with Jacob and then a confirming follow up call with Embry’s other best friend (ex best friend?) Quil. I waited three more weeks and tried to forget and move on. But I couldn’t and after a full month of pain and wondering and trying my damnest, I snapped and rode my bike to Embry’s house. I knocked on the door loudly, just to ensure that the people in side would hear me. His mom answered. “Oh!” The woman who must have been Embry’s mom greeted with a smile. “YOu MUST be the girl Embry talks so much about! You match his description perfectly. Com in-“

Though I was flattered and infused with hope by her words, I shook my head. “I just really need to talk to Embry. Is he around?”

She paused and then shook her head no. “He’s at Sam Uley’s.” It felt like a dagger got shoved in my heart. “Would you like his address? I’m sure Em would be so happy to see you, he’d been so mopey since he got busy and hasn’t had as much time to call you.” Her words made no sense and I quickly gathered that Embry had been lying to his mom a lot more than needed about where our relationship stood.

“No thanks,” I sighed. “Actually,” I amended. “I do.” I offered my arm and she chuckled, grabbing a pen and slowly drawing the words out clearly on my skin. I was suddenly thrown back into a memory of me writing my number on Embry’s arm and the knife in my heart twisted. “Thank you.” She nodded, moving back into the house after warm parting words and then I turned around.

I made it about six steps before the boy I was trying to hunt down stepped out of the woods like it was the most natural thing. I froze eyes wide with shock. He hadn’t noticed me yet, rough housing and laughing with a boy I didn’t recognize who looked about our age. There was a lot to take in. He looked tired but completely healthy and very happy. His hair was short, which was a shock but not one that was totally unwelcomed. I was more chocked that he really could look good no matter wat he did- hair long or short. He was also shirtless, which quickly distracted me because I’d seen Embry shirtless plenty of times and he had never looked so muscley and defined any of the times I could recall. What had he been doing in our month apart from each other? Getting insanely ripped? He was still rather skinny but now every movement of his body showed of muscles that rippled and twisted and moved under his skin and on top of my emotional wreckage, a sudden need for things to be how they were before so I cold be with him in every way I craved came to me, adding on top of everything else. Maybe it was all the emotions that made me do it.

Embry finally noticed me, pausing and growing still as I enjoyed the view of the new and improved him who had come out of what seemed nowhere. “Y/n?” His voice was a little deeper, a little smoother... a little sexier.”

I looked up to his face but he looked at his friend, suddenly awkward. The two exchanged a silent conversation and then Embry’s expression turned pained as he shook his head, shooting down an idea the other man had that he didn’t approve of. The other man nodded toward me and Embry shook his head again. “Em? You... You’ve changed so much. You look good.” He looked at his feet but his blush was distinct even in the darkness. “I- I was worried about you. Didn’t know if you were okay or not so I kinda snapped under stress and came over. You were basically on your death bed last time I heard from you. And then you like... hung up on me like you’d just gotten the scariest news of your life so I... I hoped... It wasn’t what it seemed like it was.” He kicked the dirt and I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry. “I- You mom... she said you talk about me a lot.”

“Y/n you shouldn’t be here.”

My hand rose to rub the back of my neck. “I know, I just-“

“No, you don’t understand,” he grunted. He looked up at me and I suddenly found myself too scared to meet his eyes. Suddenly my eyes were on he sky and the trees and the Forrest and my bike and his friend who’s name I still didn’t know. “I don’t want you here.” Shock hit me and I looked directly into his eyes, but he looked a bit to the right of my head, rolling his eyes. In irritation. My eyes watered an my vision blurred but I could feel the burning that came when his eyes were on me.

“I... really like you. Still. I thought- I just thought we’d finally-“ My words were quiet and I was sure they couldn’t hear me at this distance, the words too weak and wet to make out. “Was it something I did?” No answer. I swallowed, unable to help it as tears fell. I didn’t even bother to wipe them away. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m sorry I came. I shouldn’t have come.” I raced past hi to my bike and I felt his finger tips brush my arm as I passed. For a second I thought he was going to stop me and my pretty fantasies could continue to form in reality. But he didn’t. I made it to my bike, hopped on, and began peddling like mad as tears fell like mad. I didn’t stop crying all the way back home.

For the next very long while every face was Embry’s, making me jump in excitement and then completely deflate in heart break all over again. I saw him everywhere, in everyone, in everything. I started taking to hiking because it was the only place that held no memory of him. The woods themselves held no memory, even if the edge did. The memory of him walking out, the new person that I didn’t recognize with a new friend I didn’t know. Telling me to leave because he didn’t want me...

But IN the woods? In the woods it was blissful. It was quiet and new and refreshing. In the woods I felt renewed and found an internal peace in myself. I took up an old habit I hadn’t done since I was thirteen. I took up drawing again. I was rusty but quickly learned all I had forgotten and then begin improving from there. I drew landscapes and animals and underbrush and sunsets. In the woods I drew and I lost myself and I forgot.

Not really though. Because even as I was sure Embry Call had forgotten me, I hadn’t forgotten him. Not even for a second.

FTL: @bitchyseawitch @chipster-21 @alexa-playafricabytoto

#embry call #twilight #new moon #eclipse #breaking dawn #wolf pack #kiowa gordon #imagine #imagines #x reader #smut #part one #bad liar #selena gomez

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pinkpoundcake · 6 years ago

Text

DESERT DEVIL

CH. 5 FROM THE MEADOW

All Might/ Reader as Female OC

NSFW AU

7K+ Words

Here we go! Finally. I had to pause and do quite a bit of research for this one. I’m pretty happy with the chapter, but I’ll go back and catch some mistakes later! I’ve been coloring in PS and typing on GoogleDocs all day so my eyes are tired and won’t catch much. We’ll be taking off from here. I’ll warn that there’s no smut in this chapter, but you can anticipate some for the next. It was just out of place, sorry, lmao.

I’m not sure of the next time I’ll be updating, but you can anticipate sometime next week. Thank you if you stop by! All Chapters are in my desert devil tag.

“You may not like this, but you all have to understand! It's for the best.”

The crowd erupted into irritated chatter and groans. This was one of those stressful downsides to using your quirk in this way. It would be easier for you to be the conduit for translation, if so many different kinds of minds weren't giving you so much feedback. Speaker, you, all the joined hands in the crowd. All the joined hands in the crowd, you, the speaker. So many different minds you had to help understand.

Your eyebrows tensed hard enough for muscles to spasm beneath your horns. You were bearing a lot of stress, and your main client, the mayor, hadn't picked up on that yet. His little, white paw was still clutched around your first two fingers while you kneeled down on the soap box next to him. Aizawa had taken your other hand, and then his other hand was linked to the next person. Like one big, unhappy pow-wow. Now, the Mayor, he was so eager to console his constituents, you didn't have the heart to tell him his time was almost up.

“How is that any fair?!” Your eyes were clamped closed. You recognized that voice, but you didn't have the head-space to pin a face. High and kind of whiny. That was probably one of the Inn keeper's daughters.

“The raised fee for violating curfew is incentive, my friends! For all of you to reconsider breaking this protective law. Two hours after sundown, we expect everyone to be locked up, or at least within the bounds of town!” Mayor Nezu responded in his usual chipper tone. His beady black eyes drifted over the crowd of grubby, exasperated faces.

“A majority of these deaths were discovered far out of the edge of town, you see! And by the fees we've collected these long days and nights, some of you have not taken the previous encouragement seriously!” The Mayor spoke more sternly, though he was still smiling. “If you follow the law, you won't have to pay a hundred pieces, and you won't be ripped apart! How lovely is that!”

“So what are y'all gonna do with all of them extra coins, huh?!” You knew who that was without having to open your eyes. It was this young, plucky fella who always loitered outside the general store eyeing women patrons in their nicest dresses on Sundays. The purple gumdrop always liked to inform you that he didn't mind being around too tall fillies like you, and that always made you wonder where in the goddamn his mother and manners were.

“As always,” Mayor Nezu paused “these fees will be added to our tax well for railroad imports and provisions from Tucson. Public works projects, as well, that will improve our water storage for the future. The budget is always available for a gander at City Hall! I might look like a rat, but I'm no thief, ahahahaha!” You would laugh, too, if you could. He was easy to trust, but the Mayor was strange…

“Please, please, any other q-,” the Mayor blinked with surprise as you yanked your hand away and broke the chain. That was all you could handle. You needed a rest if you still had to hold Sheriff Todoroki's hand for the last portion of the itinerary.

Ah...well, alright. They were going to have a brief recess.

II.

The pounding in your head had subsided a portion. You were glad most folks were distracted with chattering amongst themselves in groups while they allowed you to rest up at the stone edge of the empty, town fountain. You were supposed to let Deputy Aizawa know when you were ready to translate again, which should probably be soon. You didn’t know what time it was, but you could feel the sun rising up higher over your head. It was nice for a little while, but now the bright beams were making your horns uncomfortably hot.

Off to your left, you sensed someone’s shadow sweep over. You thought they were someone in a passing group of gossip, but they stepped a little closer and draped something soft over your head. Your eyes ached, but you cracked one open to see who’d come to pester you. You already had an idea of who it was. “I didn’t think the sun was helping.” Yagi stabbed his cane in the dirt, and then sank down next to you. You heard distinct popping from the joints of his knees. He grunted his same, endearing grunt. This was his usual spot, wasn’t it?

“Thank you. It wasn’t.” You muttered. He understood you couldn’t sound as delighted to see him as you wanted. You sighed and brought his yellow shawl up higher to cover up your forehead and a portion of your eyes. It wasn’t medicine, but it felt and smelled nice.

“I don’t have too much time to talk.” “I understand.” Yagi crossed both of his big, rough palms over the handle of his cane, and then rested his chin over his knuckles. He leaned far and set his eyes on wads of familiar and unfamiliar people still discussing the first half of this morning’s meeting.

“Dove,” Yagi didn’t turn his head, but you could feel his eyes roll back in your direction “are you going to be alright?”

“After a few days of rest, I’ll be fine. I promise.” Yagi’s hands were beneath his chin, so you touched and rubbed his side instead to assure him. Maybe this was a little taboo, but no one was paying attention. He was resisting the urge to move closer. You’d never touched him before, not that he could remember. There was a wonderful heat and softness from your fingers that penetrated the thinned fabric of his shirt, and swept each scarred rib. He felt soothed ( oh yes, he was nervous) , but his intention was for him to comfort you, not the other way around.

“Togo.”

You, almost a little too hastily, tugged yourself from Yagi’s side. As if nothing strange had happened, you stood to your feet, and then gave the older fellow his shawl back. You didn’t know when Deputy Aizawa had approached, or how long the sneaky son of a gun had been standing there. By the look on his face, you could tell he had a certain amount of judgement and disbelief for the both of you. He didn’t have any comment, thankfully. Yagi wouldn’t look him in the eye. “I’m ready now.” You cleared your throat. Time to hold Mr. Boss-So-Roki’s hand.

III.

Ah, so you and I aren’t going to see eye to eye, boy?

It was a sick joke from a man who had no real eyes. Yagi had ripped them out from the sockets years prior when his heart was broken, and thirsty for revenge. He didn’t regret it. Men who didn’t respect this precious land didn’t deserve to ever take in its beauty.

“You smell like shit, you old fuck.” Yagi loathed to spit acid like a snake, but he deserved every shred of hate contained in his young body on that day.

The Gambler smelled like what he was made of: dirty money and brimstone and mosquito water.

What a nasty bark, you dog!

You look out of sorts, pup. Could it be that arrow you still have there? Here...let me help you pull that out.

He had liked where Yagi was. Leg mangled. Curled up on the side of the trail like road kill. The vultures were waiting; circling the sun like the grim reaper spun his scythe. That’s what the boy was after all! An animal pretending to be a righteous man.

“DON’T YOU PUT YOUR FILTHY HANDS ON ME.”

And then Yagi was screaming in agony. The Gambler pulled the arrow out nice’n slow, making sure to twist and turn the carved bone of the head into the most sensitive, spewn places. He didn’t like all the mess on his new, priceless equipment, so he found it proper to smear the blood off on Yagi’s already red, enraged face.

Shut up.

Listen very well, dog. Maybe your body can’t die here, but I hope this lesson breaks your spirit like you broke all of my bones. In stature, it was certain that The Gambler had never healed right. His body was twisted and gnarled like the lichon.

Yagi did what he had to do after the whole gruesome ordeal was over. He never, ever wanted to kill another man of his own will after that day. Uh huh…

So, did his spirit ever heal right?

It hurt his heart to try and answer.

IV.

He hated to dream. They weren’t fair. You were supposed to be able to alter your dreams; be whatever you want and do whatever you want. These were all memories he couldn’t do a thing to change. Perhaps he should have been grateful he woke up still clean, and in his own bed this morning. But at what cost…

He needed to stop thinking about it. Yagi had roped up Bell wrong for the second time since he started packing. He rubbed his mule’s neck and she affectionately bumped him on the shoulder with her nose. He didn’t like bringing her so far out from home, because she was his friend, but he had things he had to do as usual. He was going to meet you after he had his student come to watch his property for the two or three weeks you’d be gone. You needed to arrange your own trustworthy house sitter before you both began your long journey.

Yagi had been worried about you the days after the meeting, more than he should have been worried for himself. There was a lot now to consider. He was well aware that you were both lying to each other by omission. You wanted him to track the Devil. If you hadn’t taken the belt buckle back, he probably would have forgotten not to put it on. He hadn’t told you where you were both going for his part of the deal, either, or why he needed you to read. He had advised you on what to pack, and how long you’d be gone, and you just followed the instruction without question.

Did you really trust him that much? You were both traveling alone. In secret. You were lucky law enforcement only patrolled for law breakers, and didn’t go door to door every night. They couldn’t pay enough for all of that.

When he was finally able to meet you, the crown of the sun was starting to peek over the hard, flat line of the horizon. The sky was split in soft streaks of pink and orange. Pretty. There was no wind for haze. The air was still and cool. If only it could stay like this.

“Are you sure you have everything?” Yagi asked you while fixing the girth that strapped his mule to his small, travel cart. He came up to her mouth and made sure the secures there weren’t too tight. She made a quiet, but shrill sound through her nostrils. “I know you don’t like the bit. Be quiet.” The scolding was affectionate and punctuated with a kiss on her nose.

“Yes, and Kissy’s the same way. I think he tolerates it.” He wasn’t raised for riding, but he handled it well enough. Besides, he was the only horse you had.

You were sure you had all you needed. You had rolled up some provisions and plenty of water into your BaBa’s old saddle bags. You really hoped with your combined items, it was all enough. Traveling made you excited and nervous. You hadn’t been outside of town in years. You both had terrible timing, and would probably be in a heap of trouble for giving no notice of leave when you got back. Still, a potentially dangerous journey. And you’d both be alone.

“They all tolerate a lot.” Yagi shrugged his shoulders and sat up on the seat of his cart. “Let’s get moving, quickly!” He boisterously thumped his closed fist over his chest since neither of you had a rally drum or trumpet.

You wondered if the Devil would lurk the canyon. The thought of you both running into him in the dead of night, or the beast ravaging your camp made your heart jump up somewhere in your gullet. Yagi must have understood that risk, and he was still taking you to read whatever it was he wanted you to read. You could in fact translate language if you could touch the surface, but it’d been a long while since you’d done so. Most things of importance were printed in English, and a lot of folks couldn’t read no how, so they didn’t bother you.

“Yagi, do you mind telling me where we’re going?” You asked him after mounting. He took off his big brimmed vaquero hat and flipped it upside down. You could see some of your own wool stuck beneath the cap, but what interested you the most was what was embroidered to the underside: a map of the entire valley. Some parts of the thread were old and dirty, but other portions still retained the vibrancy of being freshly stabbed through. You were a little mystified.

”Up north east.” You expected Yagi to produce a compass, but he didn’t. He knew exactly where to go. He’d never been lost before.

“You’ll see, Dove. I won’t lead you astray.” He made a little beat on his chest again and grinned.

“Well...alright. I’m trusting you, sir.” You squeezed Kissy with your heels.

Yee haw! You were both off.

Yagi was puffing out smoke and steam through his nose at the sight of you. His heart was a rumbling, rolling train and he hadn’t finished pounding in all the tracks. The sun was setting in the distance. Vibrant hues from that sweet goodbye highlighted every plump curve of your naked body. When you turned in the water’s edge and brought your toned arms up above your head, your outlines rippled and writhed in a fog. You shook out your tail like a tambourine, and glistening droplets whipped around your figure.

His dry tongue lolled from the corner of his mouth. Clamoring on all fours, he was clawing the dirt and sand to make it to your mirage. You smiled at him with all your front teeth, and your pretty eyes, and then beckoned him closer with your long fingers. You were emerging from the pool; prowling to meet him halfway. Everywhere your hands and knees touched turned a luscious green.

Almost there… Come here, Come into me, Yagi.

The sun fully disappeared behind the mountains, and the storm clouds swarmed. He was stabbed with daggers of lightning. His big body and hands were all over your soft, fuzzy hide in a monstrous flash. He was pulling your legs apart because now he was long and strong for you. You clamped his waist, clawed his back, and called him by his real name while he was pumping his piston. With his rain and wind and thunder, and your good green earth, he had you. That's right, with your back down in paradise.

Just like he promised.

VI.

“UGH,” Yagi rubbed the faint cut left behind on his forehead. It stung. He had woke with a jolt and hit the side of the rocky perch he’d chosen for the night. You didn’t have a tent, so he let you have his to yourself. A woman, ugh...ow...needed her privacy. He smeared pebbled and already clotting blood on his sleeve. He hadn’t changed his stance on his own dreams.

He was glad you were paces away. It had to be that way. His excuse this time, was that he needed to be a look out for raiders and bandits. That was one thing, but really, he didn’t know when his body was going to change. Dangerous games. Dangerous thoughts. Dangerous dreams. Yagi glanced down at the personal tent pitched in his trousers. Uh...no, he wouldn’t have wanted you to see him like this.

He’d wait to calm down, water the horse and mule, and then wake you. You’d both been traveling for three days, and you had two days of long, hot, dry, travel left.

VII.

When you both finally made it to your destination, the sun was preparing to rise. Yagi was adamant about wanting to push through the night. You had taken such a long break in the afternoon, that it bled into the evening. You had wanted to go back to sleep so badly. You almost fell off of Kissy’s back twice. Yagi, while flustered and spooked, offered to change his mind on the urgency, but you told him it was alright. You just needed to wake up and put up. You were both on a tight schedule.

The clouds were rolling overhead and you wondered (hoped) that they would block the sun or consider banding together for some traveling rain, but they didn't. The trip had gone relatively pain free, it almost made you paranoid. You had to suffer somewhere, and you hoped the continued drought was it.

“Not too much further,” Yagi pushed up his hat and revealed a smile that gave the rising sun a run for its money. For a man who hadn't been sleeping much, he seemed awfully chipper. Dear lady, you had no idea how full of nostalgia he was. The familiar change in terrain gifted him fond and not so fond memories.

“Is that…” you covered a yawn “is that it?” You squinted through the sleepy tears in the corners of your eyes. In the morning haze, you could pick out blocky structures built into the side of a rock face. At another gander, you noticed some fencing holding in several huddled, sheared sheep. Thatched houses peppered the land on the other side of livestock pens and dry, unharvested crops . It didn’t look like a big, busy town, but it was certainly a settlement. It wasn’t too far off from the murky edges of the Colorado River, and the sight of that provided you even more relief. You didn’t know if you had enough water on hand to make it back to Struggler.

“This is it.” Yagi whipped the reins in his excitement and urged his mule on. She wheezed and groaned with some protest, but picked up her pace. You clicked your tongue and bumped Kissy with your heal so he could match speed. You were both kicking up a trail of dust behind you. Being somewhere new made you nervous, but the energy Yagi radiated made you feel more sure. He had his smile on full beam, belting out something incomprehensible at the top of his lungs with your mounts’ hoof-beats. That almost made you pull your draft to a hard halt. Nothing was wrong. No one was coming after the both of you, and he certainly wasn’t hurt. He was going to see his old friend again.

VIII.

There were plenty of times in your life where you felt a little out of sorts. You didn’t feel awkward exactly, just a touch shy. There was a small crowd gathering around Yagi as some reservation dwellers came to properly greet him, or see what the commotion was about. Some natives looked a little on edge, or as unsure as you did, but then the older fellow Yagi was so focused on, finished greeting the sunrise, and then approached. You figured he was probably somewhat in charge, because everyone politely made way for him, or minded themselves and went back to their early tasks. “Aa,” he was grinning from ear to ear just like Yagi was “how are you, my friend? This is a surprise!”

“I’m...well.” Yagi rubbed his neck, and then removed his hat to return the politeness.

“You made quite some noise on the way here! We were worried about a bandits,” the older man’s eyes were wrinkling around the tanned, weathered corners. He was very tall, though not nearly as tall as Yagi, and wore working clothes like the cowboys who traveled far yonder from Texas. You were amazed at the length of his graying hair. It fell behind him in a long cord, and was wrapped up in a braid with bright, crossing threads. He had a lovely, boxy, woven pattern in his shawl that you couldn’t help but eye up, too. Following the loop of his cover, there was a long scar that crossed his neck, and zig zagged down until it was hidden beneath the collar of his shirt. You knew better than to rubber neck that. Didn’t want to be rude.

You felt him sense your wondering eyes, and take a reserved look at you after allowing Yagi to exchange a bow. You were trying and failing to hide behind your big horse. His friend from another land had no one else for company, just you. His bushy brows rose. You assumed your appearance probably surprised, or tickled him. You were used to that, but he was actually assuming something else.

“Aa, this is your wife, Yagi?”

“No, no!” Yagi awkwardly laughed. “This is…” He trailed, trying to think of something that didn’t sound quite as suspicious. “My friend. I brought her here to translate something, if your clan will allow it. We won’t stay for too long, I promise.”

The fellow’s jaw slackened. He brought his hand to his chin. He looked between Yagi, who was anticipating an answer, and then you who were waiting for the same. You came all this way. You hoped that you wouldn’t get turned away and the journey would be for nothing. Whatever Yagi wanted you to read must have been important, or private, if you had to formally ask permission.

“You want to see the old messages? Don’t you?” The other man hummed.

“Yes, I...think it will help me understand.” Yagi had lowered his voice without meaning to.

“Understand what?” You cleared your throat. They were both looking at each other like there was some kind of secret afoot. If you were translating, you were going to know eventually, right? Yagi’s friend frowned at him. This young woman didn’t know? It wasn’t his place to tell you either. It was his request to offer a yes, or a no. “I’m looking to know a little more about this land’s past,” Yagi dug his cane into sand between the toes of his boots. He leaned on it a little, and then brought his still carted mule in closer with his other hand. “There’s some very old language here that a lot of Mustang’s family can’t completely read anymore. His family has been here for quite some time, many many many years,” he had turned his head in your direction while he dropped you this hint “so I’m hoping to find some warnings or helpful superstitions.”

Ah! Now you understood...sort of. You wondered what Yagi’s interest in the past was, apart from solving the mystery of the Devil, but you didn’t know him well enough to poke and prod that business just yet. Yet. It did make sense, though. More sense than what you were reading. The Devil roamed this land in particular. Should probably consult who’d been here the longest.

“You’re a scholar, young ma’am?” Mustang asked while directing you both to come into the shade and relieve your mounts. By appearances, he wouldn’t have pegged you for someone familiar with his ancient heritage, but then again, when he’d met Yagi, he was quite skeptical of what a stranger would know, too.

“No, sir, it’s my Gift. I can translate speaking and writing if I touch or focus.” You held up your palm to illustrate. His eyes lit up and he clapped his hands once, then twice.

“You’re both blessed with two gifts, then!” Mustang was smiling again. “If you can understand, we will need to accompany you to record. We would like to remember the past, and hopefully our friend here will find what he’s looking for.” Hearing about your gift looked like it was truly a delight, and that made you feel pretty damn special.

“Oh, of course, I don’t mind. I’d be happy to help as long as I get time to rest.” You were trying to wrap your head around something, but Mustang was ushering you both along to where you and Yagi could set up your tent and tether your animals. He trusted Yagi heavily, so he trusted you, if Yagi also considered you a friend in such a sensitive affair. He was already talking about giving word to his family and friends to prepare a hardy meal for Yagi’s return, and then some other things you didn’t quite catch.

You slipped back into your shy sort of self while the two fellows talked on middle ground. You were unloading some items from the saddle bags, and then in the next moment, Yagi was ushered off somewhere else. You got Kissy and Bell somewhere comfortable and in the shade at a stable near to your allotted portion of the settlement. You were thinking about how...different Yagi seemed here while you were watching from afar. He towered over their hosts, readily available to offer his help, or carry things to and fro, even on his bad leg. He cracked jokes with them, and his smile had yet to really let up. He was louder, more open, though he still minded his manners. You were almost a little envious, but you understood. Yagi and Mustang, and some of his siblings have probably known him for years. You wanted to know him like that, too, but for now, you liked that he called you his friend.

After a while of settling, they were picking out sheep for a meal in the dry wood pen paces over. They did ask you if you minded, which you found a little funny. No one here had an appearance Gift that covered their whole body quite like you, so it was the first thing anyone noticed.

Uh, sheep...lamb. You’d never had it before, and didn’t want to try. So, they offered steer, but you had to decline that, too. It just felt weird. Like unofficial cannibalism even though you only looked like an animal. “My father is a bull, and my mother is an alpaca.” You used your other gift to join hands and inform your hosts before you and Yagi had split.

You got plenty of requests to touch your hair. You were used to that, too. You came out of some of your shyness to allow some touches. It was so white, they said, whiter than bones. And soft without needing to wash it so many times. Did you shear it? Well, of course you did. It grew too fast not to. Do you trade it? Absolutely, let’s bargain.

You spurred an impromptu trading crowd without meaning to. Everyone watched in wonder as you cut off a cottony wad with your pocket knife, and a new patch of wool readily grew in its place. You had bread, and ground corn, and beads, and one young fellow who was very keen about you staying here with him if you were looking for a partner. You remembered you brought some melons full of seeds along, so you topped off that flurry with a big, beautifully loomed blanket on your arm.

When Yagi found you again, he was trying to hide a laugh behind his hand. There you were at your tent, corralling all of your new treasures and spoils. You were a tradeswoman anywhere, weren’t you?

IX.

“Yagi?” The world was dark and silent. It was hard to sleep while you were so far from your cot back at home. The canvas edges of your borrowed tent quivered with the rustle of the wind. It was kind of cold, so you were glad you had your new blanket, and some of the blankets that Yagi had given you. You did that idiot thing were you didn’t bring your own. You were afraid of losing, or messing one up. Every blanket you had was special. Even your new one.

“Yagi?” You whispered again. You could barely see his dark outline on the other side of the thick fabric. He didn’t snore, so you could never tell when he had gone to sleep.

“Yagi?” You tried one more time. Maybe he was asleep? Better not bother him. But finally he stirred. He rolled over to his other side in the dark, and then poked his head through the opening. He looked exhausted in the eyes, and full by the temporary pudge in his belly. “Are you alright?” Yagi mumbled.

You were okay, just stressed in a certain kinda way. And paranoid. You lied awake with your heart heavy with anxiousness waiting to hear it; the hiss… “I..Would you…” You stammered, heart picking up a beat now that you actually had to ask your question. “Do you think it’d be alright if you were here? If you stayed in here with me?”

Your question woke him. You could see his eyes had brightened. He held that expression while he considered his answer. There were plenty of reasons for him to decline, but oh...you were making that worried little face. He knew you were hoping that he’d say yes, so he did, and dragged the rest of himself inside. He stretched out long legs that barely fit on the inside and rested somewhere on the other side of you.

“Thank you.” You couldn’t ask him to move any closer, though you really, really wanted him to. You wanted his pleasant scent fresh and not just wafting your nose from his blankets. And you wanted him to wrap his arms around you and maybe pat you over the head right between the horns like he did from time to time. Oh good glory, would you listen to yourself? Go the hell to sleep.

Should you be touching this? It felt like you shouldn’t have been touching this. The rock surface Mustang had lead you to on horseback was high up. It took you a quarter hour to climb, and another quarter to catch your breath. Yagi had to climb after you with his head craned to the side so he wouldn’t be looking up your bare legs while your clothes were tied out of the way.You were glad the goat in you didn’t mind, otherwise this traverse would be difficult.

You were expecting writing, but you could read the cluster of rock carvings just fine. You squinted while activating your Gift. Things didn’t come together right away. It’d been so long since you’d used it this way. After another try, you finally started to understand.

A majority of the drawings and glyphs were just entrees. A documentation of the days passed. On this day, the men on horseback arrived. On this day we left to travel elsewhere. On this day the canyon was taken with floods. It wasn’t what Yagi was looking for, but Mustang was recording everything on some dried skin as you moved along.

And then, as the carvings grew older, you read out some stories. You could feel a headache brewing behind your eyes, but by now the intrigue had struck you harder, and you wanted to press on and know more.

The spider woman who taught the weaving. This one was hard to read, it was overlapped with other carvings, but Mustang told you that he was already very familiar with the tale.

The warrior with the heart of a bear. He was drawn robustly with his club leading his people to victory in a battle.

The winding serpent that made the river. It slithered and slunk down the entire length of the race face, splitting into other stories and recordings.

The story of good the meadow where the soil was fair and water plenty.

The Oasis on the other side of the sun, and her warrior protector. To you this one read the same, but it felt important. There was a buzz in your fingertips and the cogwheels in your thick skull got to turning.

You’d stopped relying the info without knowing, too. You had gone silent as the symbols stacked in your mind and made a structured narrative before your eyes. The Oasis’ protector became something beyond being a man, chasing off imps on horseback swinging their knives and shooting their guns and bringing their greed. The spirit of mother earth entered the crown of his head and made him undying. And when his job was done, and he had to leave to return to the other world, the will of the earth entered the heart of a worthy someone else, and it would be that way for forever and ever.

“Dove?” Yagi touched your shoulder. You grabbed on to him to keep from falling over and hitting your head. You blinked a few times to call yourself back to this realm. Both men were staring at you with concern in their eyes.

“You said you wanted to know something about the land? This,” you let go of the hold on your Gift so you could actually think and respond. “This one talks about the Oasis.”

XI.

“I’m glad that you’re all doing well. Very glad.” The flickering light from the dying fire fluttered over the contours of Yagi’s face. He rubbed the bags beneath his eyes, and then rubbed the skin of his arm. It was faint, but he could feel the itch and tingle; the urge to be his other self. He should have been asleep, but he couldn’t. He had even more to think about now.

“It’s because of you, you know.” Mustang took his seat with the grunt of a grouchy old man, though he held none of that in him. “If you had not come for us, we would have had to leave. We’re always going to be grateful. But now, what about you? You don’t look like you’ve been well, Friend.”

“I haven’t healed.” Yagi thumbed through his book. He’d copied what Mustang had scribbled from your readings in his own personal book; one of the ones he kept hidden beneath his bed. It was all in Japanese, since his English on paper still wasn’t the best. He’d been reading it over and over again since you returned to the settlement. It was too dark to read it now, even with the stars out.

“It doesn’t look like you have. How is your leg? And your chest?” Mustang placed his hand on his belly.

“I need to use a cane most days. Sometimes I spit up blood, but I’m still living, and that’s all I can ask for. I tend to horses’ feet now. I’m no longer in the mines.” Yagi tucked his book away in his shawl.

“Is it…?” Mustang’s eyes hastily darted over to where you were supposedly sleeping. Your eyes were closed, and your full lips gently parted with your gentle breathing. You wrapped yourself up in your new blanket, and the young weaver you bought it from couldn’t have been more flattered by how much you adored it.

“I always thought that you would have your own clan, Tall One. Young women always liked you.” He lifted his arm and flexed it as he reminisced on the old days when they were chasing off blue coats.

Yagi huffed through his nose, and then dryly laughed. “So did I, but time’s gotten away from me.” His eyes fell on you briefly. He was already asking a lot from you. The last thing on his mind was courting (even though it was absolutely one of the first things on his mind). He couldn’t let himself fall prey to whims.

“It’s not too late to not be lonely.” Mustang shook his head. “You might want to, before a younger man with more horses and more silver comes along to bargain for her hand. I can see that you like her. Your eyes are very bad at hiding your spirit.”

Yagi scrunched his nose and screwed up his expression. “I would like to, but I don’t want to hurt her. Mustang...I must tell you something.” He relaxed his face and turned on the log he sat on to properly look his old friend in the eye. There was a heaviness that settled in the pit of his chest.

Mustang held up his hand. “I’ve heard of the Desert Walker from the traders.” His brows were drawn up tight. The bags beneath his eyes were rimmed in red as the fire was on its last log. “The Desert Dweller. Desert Devil. Canyon Demon. Valley Eater. I’ve heard many, many names. We can speak of it, but there’s something else much more important that I must tell you.”

Much more important than his murdering spree?

“Toshinori,” Mustang drew in a breath “I am glad, and grieved that you’re here, because now I must tell you something I know you don’t want to hear.”

“What..what is it?” Yagi’s feet were cold in his boots. Coldness had settled over his forehead and shoulders. The muscles in all of his limbs were crawling and twitching with sheer instinct.

“You know how we’ve struggled here. How we’ve had to fight. How we almost had nothing.” Mustang bit the inside of his cheek. His bottom lip wrinkled and puckered as this news left a foul taste in his mouth and nostrils.

“Yes, I know.” They’d accepted him. His master had accepted him when he came to this side of the world with nothing but his nose, and the will to work.

“They want to bring the railroad through here. They don’t ask, they just take and assume you’ll show your belly. I smelled something in the air one day, and then a ghost appeared to me early in the morning bring in all of his evil.”

No…

No, it couldn’t be.

“I saw him die, Toshinori. I saw you slay him with my own two eyes, and the eyes I keep behind me.” He touched the closed lids hidden deep beneath his hair with his palm. “But I saw him again, and he made me my family an offer that tempted and troubled me.”

Yagi couldn’t respond if he wanted. His jaw was tensed so tightly that his temple twitched and his teeth ached. All of his tanned knuckles were white.

“He’s like a twisted root. No right arm, and walks with a cane just like you do, friend. He has money like these white men now, they think he’s one of them. He offered my family supplies, and protection if I allowed him to rip this land apart. I refused, and he simply took his leave. I think this troubles me the most.”

You had been awake and listening for a while now. You fought your instinct to adjust your position, but you remained still and kept your breathing slow. You were glad you didn’t snore. That would have been hard to fake. What were they talking about? Or rather, who?

Yagi took deep breaths through his flared nostrils. Just the mention of Him set his blood on fire. His stench wasn’t in the air tonight, but it was burned into his most vivid memories. Dirty money, and brimstone, and worm water, and rotting. A thief, a cheater, a liar, and a gambler. The real demon of the desert had no heart, and no real eyes, and he thought he could own anything like he boasted he could own anything, anyone, and any Gift.

“Perhaps, old friend, there’s still work to be done.”

He still had a promise to keep. To do what this world asks of him in return. And then maybe, just maybe he could keep the promise he made to you.

“I think...I think so.” Yagi rubbed the writhing out of his arms and the prickle from the pores of his scalp. He had to try and hold it in, but he was angry. After all the blood and guts, and the skin of his teeth; putting his body on the line. Adaka’i was still carrying on his business.

And Yagi wondered what business it was. Somewhere in the desert…

XII.

The fire was gone.The world was dark and quiet again on the other side of your closed eyes. There were no hushed voices to listen to, just a bunch of sheep who should have been sleeping, too. So, you crawled back on the inside of Yagi’s tent to dream before you had to head back to Struggler tomorrow. Your head was so heavy and tired. Tired from growing all of that wool, tired from showing off the shapes you could make with your horns, tired from doing all of that reading, tired from doing all of that thinking.

Could you really call this dreaming, though? This was just shameless hoping and wishing. You still wanted Yagi to hold you, and pat your head, and tell you that you were silly. He wasn’t far from where you were, not physically. He came to rest beside you in the tent after Mustang and his little wife had wished him goodnight.

You hoped and wished that he’d bring you up to his chest and let you sleep with your faces close. You hoped and wished that he’d fancy giving you a kiss, too. And you hoped and wished he’d kiss you in places the Devil kissed you. Your body opened your eyes for you before you could get too carried away in that distant land. You were greeted with the dark, and the slow rise and fall of Yagi’s long, bony side.

The Devil...whoever he really was. You wondered if he was looking for you, or if you should even be thinking of him. What were you supposed to think of him? A lover? A monster? A murderer? A demon to sit on your chest? Or a vengeful spirit? You couldn’t have them both, and one stallion was stronger than the other, you knew that for sure. If you were with Yagi, would the Devil finish the job? You just didn’t know. You shouldn’t have been thinking about it now. You were just making your headache worse.

Or maybe you should have. You read for Yagi, sweet, handsome, Yagi, and now it was his part of the bargain.

Without thinking (you were good at that), you pushed yourself up from where you lay and crawled over to Yagi. His breathing changed, so you knew he was awake, but he didn’t move. You were holding your breath as you relocated yourself up against his back. Your cheek pressed against his shoulder. It was kind of hard, like you were expecting, but he was warm and he always smelled crisp. You were almost blue, expecting him to turn over and ask you what you were doing at any moment, but he still didn’t move.

You felt him relax. He was asleep again, and so were you curled up close like a house cat behind him.

#all might #toshinori yagi #all might x reader #DESERT DEVIL

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sunnysynthsunshine · 6 years ago

Text

A “Ted Talk”/Analyisis of what it means to be a “Peoples Poet” and why Rik Mayall means so much to me.

It’s like Alice in Wonderland constantly travelling through worlds.

When I enter “the realms” the galaxies I can see in my dreams and music hallucinations.

My childhood is like a cloud sometimes I like a colourful rainbow of positive nostalgic memories, rainy cringe-worthy memories and then there are the thunderstorms that are the memories I don’t want to think about.

I’ve always been fascinated by what I’d see in Films, TV Shows, Musicals, Songs, Video Games and books but not many really connected with me.

I am a complicated person,I can go from being cheerful, relaxed and happy to being dazed and clumsy or cynical or entranced and hyper-fixated to Pessimistic and Cold to Quiet and Timid to Mellow and Loud,my personality is all over the place with fiction I could only partly relate to certain characters or worlds either because we liked a few of the same foods or films or because we simply looked alike, I’ve had my role models,idols and inspirations sure but I didn’t really realise their full importance in my life until recently and while I loved writing about fiction and imagining myself in fiction I would be the person with the quill, not the damsel or leading man.

I’ve always been interested in Media and Theatre but the latter I couldn’t pursue as far as I wanted to,

I’ve had goals and ambitions but they always kept changing in a way some of them are the same they just ended up being expressed in ways I didn’t expect,

Ever since I studied English I’ve been in love with poetry and literature

When I saw him….his voice was familiar it was a sort of high pitched English sounding male voice..sometimes sounding low toned and posh other times not.

As a kid who watched lots of cartoons, films, adverts and public information films I was exposed to lots of familiar sounding voices in characters on silver, big and animated screens

I recall a cartoon I’d sometimes watch about a knight always trying to win over Queen Guinevere, the cartoon was like Shrek because it satirised fairy tale tropes but in the medieval world of King Arthur.

In Between that would be adverts for cleaning products, one with a golden labrador puppy playing with some toilet roll, an animated duck and villains in the Domestos world that would put the villains of Flushed Away to shame.

He was a voice,I didn’t know his name then even though his name was in the credits of the cartoon mentioned prior but there were so many names in my head at the time (Ant and Dec, Spice Girls, Horrid Henry, Shrek, Toy Story etc.) that his name got lost in translation.

Then years later I got interested in film critique and learned about a film,a film that was considered very bad by the American box office about a peter pan esque imaginary friend...it was then that I heard his voice again but I didn’t know at the time that they were the same.

Since I couldn’t form my own opinions much I went by what the critic said and avoided that film afterwards.

I wouldn’t hear his voice again until 6 years later….

By that time I was about to start college, after leaving secondary school, I was in a bit of a dark place,I had been in some drama,and often when I’d see movies I’d remember the panic attacks rather than the movies themselves due to the experience being ruined by idiots making noise and causing all sorts of nonsense.

I could still laugh at times but usually only in a self-deprecating way, I barely left the sofa and just felt like I was drowning in a void of nothingness.

One night changed that, I was about to start college in a few days, I was in the living room with my mother switching channels when on BBC2 there was a special programme on.

Some bloke named Ben Elton was on a podium talking like a university lecturer about the intellectual aspects of the sitcom format of entertainment, while also paying homage to the late great Ronnie Barker a second generation British comedian I adored the work of when I would watch Open All Hours and Porridge.

When near the end of the lecture, Ben mentioned a show, a show I had never heard of before from the 1980s, called The Young Ones and then proceeded to show clips of it, I kept seeing this pigtailed character in a fringe and this orange-haired punk argue and fight only for one of them to give a detailed tantrum about some show called “The Good Life” and the other to fall down the stairs knocking over the bannisters and ranting about some actress named “Felicity Kendall”.

After quickly researching I became intrigued by this show, I had seen the character’s faces before in two places,one was on Amazon while looking for comedy DVD's and on a dodgy “meme” site called Encyclopedia Dramatica which referenced the scene where the orange haired punk loses his head after sticking it out a train window.

I then looked up the first few episodes and I was hooked, but it wasn’t like other sitcoms where I’d simply laugh at the stupidity of the gags and characters although that was one aspect of it.

The characters felt relatable while it was in the same nihilistic way I saw myself and some of humanity, that’s how I perceived it, at first I didn’t like tantrum throwing Rick I thought he was too whiny at times and I was drawn to Vyvyan and Neil first,Vyvyan because he felt like the side of me that I rarely showed, the side of me that had a dark sense of humour, had a sort of free-spirited attitude and liked mild,playful slapstick type of violence, I did have a softie side too but I rarely showed my “Vyvyan” side, now though I couldn’t be prouder to show my “ Vyvyan” side I used to dislike it when I’d walk along my school playground only to see random fights breaking out that would block my walkway but on the inside when I’d watch Japanese cartoons I’d laugh at some fight scenes and I realised there was a side of me that did sort of like violence when it would be in a playful context.

After rewatching and rewatching and thinking back….I grew to like the “Rick” character a bit more, I related to his at times timid social awkwardness, his hypocritical attitude and the questioning of his sexuality.

I had then realised….he acted a bit like I how I did back in secondary school,always being overdramatic if I wasn’t quietly timidly working or being cynical, going on about socialism and the importance of it despite hanging out with problematic internet bloggers at the time who was the complete opposite,I would be lowkey interested in poetry and literature and the fact that at the time he hated Thatcher while I despised Theresa May, who was just starting to use her power to control the UK,I vaguely knew who Margaret Thatcher was because I was in a production of Blood Brothers and before we performed the play we had to research the background history of the play’s setting that’s when I found out about the miner strikes and how the way Thatcher was acting was similar to how Teresa was today.

I also kinda had my own gang in my final years of secondary school but we didn’t go anywhere, some of them stayed in touch others just moved on with their lives.

We would play card games, I’d rant about politics and “Tumblr Aesthetics” and sometimes one of my pals would play metal and pop-punk music in the background, we were the cool kids.

I realised I related to both the “Rick” character and the “Vyvyan” character, after months of not writing stories based on the media I liked,I started writing (again) short stories about “The Young Ones” my ideas for episodes if more than 12 episodes were made,how I would interact with the characters if I lived with them or in the stories case the “alternate universe” version of me.

I’d draw them, I’d write about them, I’d think about them when I’d listen to music, but that wasn’t all.

I had started my Performing Arts course and was learning what skills you’d need to be in “Theatre”.

At the same time I was watching a bunch of the other shows the actor who played “Rick” had been in,sometimes I’d realise I had a lot in common with not just “Rick” from The Young Ones but “Richie” from Bottom,”Richie Rich” from Filthy,Rich and Catflap,”Lord Flashheart” from Blackadder and even the horrific “Alan B’stard” even though I disagreed with tories despite still hanging out with bad internet “skeptic” people and being raised conservative.

For someone who used to be a massive “weeaboo”, I was becoming quite the Britcom enthusiast

Yeah at times I would mimic his and Ade’s character voices,facial expressions and actions but other times I didn’t need to copy him because we already acted similarly and even if we didn’t I’d realise later in life I did have those other traits It just took a long while before I could proudly express them.

In Between Drama class, I had met some new people and if I was having a day where I felt low, I could just put on a show he was in and cheer up.

That was when I realised his voices and the voice from the bad movie about the imaginary friend and the voice from the cartoon and adverts from my childhood were of the same person.

The person I had finally figured out the name of after all those years.

I had fallen in love, the same love I would’ve had for musicians and fictional Japanese cartoon boys I had for him

His charisma, his looks, his characters, his wise words, his personality, his iconic moments, his variety of facial expressions, his creativity, his eclectic work from Sitcoms to Dramas to Theatre to Video Games to Music.

I couldn’t stop thinking about him...at first, I thought it was going to be like all the other “role models” I had….that changed in 2018.

2018 certainly was a year...I went through my first work experience in a local theatre production,I had met more new people some of which I had met because of our love of him and his work,I took up a new course and even when I did my old drama course,I got to write my own monologue for our final play and I had gotten back into the activity I used to only do when I was an “emo”.

“Poetry!”, the art of putting together multiple rhyming sentences that are all relevant to a certain emotion, feeling or topic.

I was always into literature and English but I was more the type to write stories and read poetry not read stories and write poetry.

After having some big life realisations I decided to pour all of that into a big poem in February,some of my friends read it and loved it,this convinced me that not only were these amazing friends that I will love and cherish to this day but that poetry was something that with a bit of work I could be quite good at….

So I wrote and wrote and wrote I got better with each one, my dreams when listening to music got more vivid than before, so vivid they were almost real like I was visiting another universe.

like an out of body extraterrestrial/paranormal experience.

I had finally moved on from my drama of the past, Self Reflected on my actions learning how to change for the better and I took that punk “free-spirit” of mine and learned how to fully express and how to be more accepting of myself and others.

I got into new and old music, tv shows, films and books...but he was still there

As I went through each show or film of his that I hadn’t watched yet, the love just kept blossoming whether I was laughing my arse off or grinning at a relatable moment from one of his interviews.

It was soon Christmas, a few weeks before, my lucid dreams had a new feature,my Wiccan powers of communication with spirits had gotten powerful enough to the point that when I’d listen to some music I’d hear voice waves in between, voice waves of people I looked up to who unfortunately are not physically with us, I recall it was My Generation by The Who that triggered it,that was a song he performed once on the Young Ones live events,I had interacted with the dead in dreams before,but this was different when I had heard his voice in the dreams where I thought of his characters or of himself, the voice would be vague and barely audible, but this time the voice was more clear and natural almost like he was actually talking to me.

Then Christmas happened, it was a mixed day but I got good gifts and I stood up for my political beliefs for the first time.

Some of the gifts were related to him like his book, box sets of some of his work and…...a red hat

A red hat just like the one his young one's character had on.

A took a few photos and loved the way it looked on me with the blazer I had on, a black blazer similar to the blazer he had on the first few episodes of The Young Ones.

In the middle of the night, I got an idea for a poem, I had written a poem about his show before but this poem was different.

It was a tribute a poem dedicated specifically to him, yes it would reference his characters, but the poem was mainly about him, the impact he made the world and how I felt this amazing ethereal, psychological and philosophical connection to him.

The Lord of Misrule, one of the best poems I’ve ever written, the days after I uploaded photos of me in the hat, and almost everyone I knew loved it,even the friends of mine who didn’t know the young ones but knew the name and look because of me loved the hat and pictures of me in the hat.

It was a sign, my lucid dreams got more vivid than ever and his face became more visible. sometimes when I’d dream about him it wouldn’t be the usual dream of me being in the young ones or me filming a comic strip presents episode or me going to a Ziggy Stardust concert with his teenage self,it would be dreams where I’d be travelling through the galaxies only to end in his place,it looked like something out of the grand Budapest hotel with how well it looked with the pastel-toned colours and minimalist decor and there he would be,he wouldn’t always be in a Jesus esque robe like before,he would be chilling on his sofa, looking exactly like how he looked before in the early 2010s, wearing a plain sweater or dressing gown his long grey hair flowing like an angel, waving and sometimes talking with me,it felt more clear than before it was probably a response from all those times before when I was learning how to spiritually communicate where I was usually the one doing most of the talking,

Usually I’d see him as an idol, icon, deity, legend, role model of sorts but now I started seeing him as a mentor and grandpa sort of figure,his mantras stick with me to this day, we have enough in common to be good pals from other dimensions but such a difference in age and living status that he can be a grandpa figure to me,the angel cheering me on before and after an exam,allowing my spirit third eye self to stay over at his place when I’m feeling low and lost, tickling me, offering advice and I love being able to have these abilities, I’ve always loved astrology and anything to do with ufos, magic or “other worlds”.

He is my guide and I am his apprentice, in my poems and philosophy, I say most of us are peoples poets because of our strong free-spirit opinions and attitudes even if we don’t all have a quill to write those opinions with.

But in the context of his young one's character and the traits of his(him and the character) that I already shared and the traits I overtime learned to accept.

From the poetry to the similar personality and interests to the spiritual connection,

to the times my friends and comrades had said that “he would be proud, that I even looked like him and I carried his “energy”, one of them referring to me as a “People's Poet”.

I’ve now realised after all these years that I’ve finally found my meaning, to bring Art, peace and love into the world.

When his character gave that speech about his revolutionary life and how the new generation would gather round for their fallen leader only for a sensitive and articulate teenager to say “How can he be dead if we have his poems?” (or shows in this context)

I was a sensitive and articulate teenager as we are all.

I am also the next People's Poet

Step aside, let’s share the rikosophy by carrying on his legacy into the 21st century 🌈🖇🏴⭐🌠

I shall produce art for the world to see, teach them how to see it in new perspectives, and I shall guide us while we try to stop fascism for good,

let’s be free!

you and me!

Thank You, Doctor.Richard Rik, Michael Mayall you’ve changed my life

It is an honour to carry on from where you left off, bringing joy back into the world, inspired by your art while creating my own experimental ideas, I know your listening from the heavenly afterlife clouds and all those galaxies beyond.

Now let’s share that wonderful energy in the ruddy 21st century.

While I’m not the man himself Rik Mayall, I just share his energy and personality

I am Kelsey….and I am bloody brilliant

#speech #motivational speech #rik mayall #rick prat #peoples poet #the young ones #british comedy #personal #me #kelsey #rikosophy

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