#if i made $5 a week i would make enough money to support all of my hobbies

[sapari]

not to sound unemployed as fuck but does it fuck anyone else up that if you receive $1 a week you would receive $52 a year

[fratboykate]

I'm totally in support of the writers in theory but I'm trying to understand more of what you're fighting for because I've seen some people on twitter claim writers make more money a week than most of us make in a month so I'm trying to understand what the issue is. Also if that info is accurate. This is a genuine question. Not trying to have a "gotcha moment". I really want to hear from a writer.

people have always had wild misconceptions about how much a writer earns because of their lack of understanding of how the industry actually works. there's so many posts about how "you guys make 5k a week. what more do you want?!" yeah...let's do some math on that.

5k a week for 14 weeks (and that's a long room. a lot of rooms these days are 8-10 weeks. those are the dreaded mini-rooms we're trying to kill) is $70,000. for roughly three months of work. you'd think we're cooking with gas...BUT HOLD UP. that's gross! let's see everything that has to come out of that check:

10% to our agent

10% to our manager

5% to our entertainment attorney

5% to our business manager (not everyone has one but a lot of us do. i do, so that's literally 30% immediately off the top of every check)

most of these breakdowns ive seen downplay taxes severely. someone made one that says writers pay 5% in taxes and i would like to ask them "in what universe?". that doesn't even cover state taxes. the way taxes work in the industry is really complicated, but the short of it is most of us have companies for tax reasons so we aren't taxed like people on w2s/1099. if we did we'd be even more fucked. basically every production hires a writer's company instead of the writer as an individual. so they engage our companies for our services and then at the end of the year we (the company) pay taxes as corporations or llcs (depending on what the writer chose to go with). my company is registered as a "corporation" so let's go with those rates. california's corporate rate is 9% and the federal corporate tax rate is 21%. there's other expenses with running a business like fees and other shit so my business managers/accountants/bookkeepers have recommended i save between 35-40% of everything i make for when tax season comes.

you see where the math is at already??? 25-30% in commissions and then 35-40% in taxes. on the lower end you're at THE VERY LEAST looking at 60% of that check gone. 70% worst case scenario. suddenly those $70,000 people claim we make are actually down to $28,000 as the take home pay. and that's if you're only losing 60%. it goes down to $21,000 if it's 70%.

lets pretend you worked a long 14 week room (that's the longest room ive ever worked btw) and let's also be generous and say you only have 60% in expenses so the take home is $28,000. average rent in los angeles is around $2,800-$3,000. if you're paying $2,800 in rent that means you need AT LEAST $4,000 a month to have a semi decent life since you need to also cover groceries, gas, medical expenses, toiletries, phone, internet, utilities, rental and car insurances, car payments, student loan payments, etc etc etc. and again, this is los angeles. everything is more expensive so you're living BARE BONES on 4k. and these are numbers as a single person. im not even taking having children into account. so those $28,000 you take home might cover your life for 6-7 months. 3 of which you're in the room working. the reality is that once that room ends, you might not work in a room again for 6-9-12 months (i have friends whose last jobs were over 18 months ago) and you now only have about 3 months left of savings to hold you over. we have to make that money stretch while we do all the endless free development we do for studios and until we get our next paying job. so...3 months left of enough money to cover your expenses -> possible 9 months of not having a job. this is how writers end up on food stamps or applying to work at target.

this is why we're fighting for better rates and better residuals. residuals were a thing writers used to rely on to get them through the unemployment periods. residual checks have gone down from 20k to $0.03 cents. im not joking.

they've decimated our regular pay and then destroyed residuals. we have nothing left. so don't believe it when they tell you writers are being greedy. writers are simply fighting to be able to make a middle class living. we're not asking them to become poor for our sake. we're asking for raises that amount to 2% of their profit. TWO PERCENT. this is a fight for writing even being a career in five years instead of something you do on the side while you work retail to pay your bills. if you think shows are bad now imagine when your writer has to do it as a hobby because they need a real job to pay their bills and support a family. (which none of us can currently afford to have btw)

support writers. stop being bootlickers for billion dollar corporations. stop caring about fictional people more than you care about the real people that write them. if we don't win this fight it truly is game over. the industry as you know it is gone.

[sanctus-ingenium]

we need to talk about Inprnt.com

Following a really good post with more screenshots and evidence by @dynasoar5 i'm going to talk about my own experiences with @inprnt and why I am about to put my shop on indefinite hiatus from Monday the 14th of August.

First of all I'll say that since starting my print shop last year it has been a significant help to me financially - I was able to not worry about affording car insurance or motor tax (together commonly over a thousand euro) when I bought my first car, for example. I am immeasurably grateful to anyone who chose to buy one and I treasure all the pictures I've been sent of my prints hanging up on people's walls. Right now they are displayed in a real (if small) art exhibition in my home town.

(top right print is not from inprnt though)

They're great prints. Never had any complaints about them. But here's what's going on behind the scenes.

Earlier this year, around March or April, Inprnt sales started increasing in regularity. I'd made as much as $600 a week during previous sales when I made proper promo posts here, but with this increase in regularity, I felt that I couldn't make promo posts every single week. And then one day, I'm not sure when tbh, the sale just never ended. It just didn't stop having that "Ending soon! 15% off your order" banner at the top of the site. Right now it says "Final Hours: $5 Worldwide shipping and save up to 35% off your order!" and not even for a second do I believe in this final hours bullshit. It's been 'final hours' for weeks now. Months, even.

Why is this a problem? Well, how tf am I meant to make a promo post for a sale that is always "ending soon!!" and then never ends. One week it'll say "this weekend only!!" and then when the weekend is over, the sale banner just changes its wording and the sale doesn't end. I can't promo this, it makes me look like a liar and a skeevy salesman by association! It makes the site look like it's 1 week from crashing and burning, and the site owners are just scrabbling to suck as much money from artists as possible before they drown.

And they are sucking money from us. To peel back the curtain, Inprnt money can only be transferred to my paypal account 30 days after the sale is made, just in case the order is cancelled and refunded. This means I used to make one withdrawal every couple of months, when there was enough build-up of money to make it worthwhile. It also forbids withdrawing any sum under $50 btw. I would make a withdrawal request and then, after a 10 business day wait, it would reach my Paypal account.

Not anymore! The past few withdrawals have taken over a month to complete. They are straight up keeping my earnings from me for longer the agreed period. This was my last fulfilled withdrawal:

Note the date.

Almost two months.

And here is the latest withdrawal request that still has not been fulfilled.

It's coming up on 1 month and if the pattern continues, it could literally be November or December by the time I fully clear all sales.

So what's going to happen to my print shop? Because my art is currently being exhibited with a QR code linking to the shop, I can't close the shop this week. Instead I will close it on Monday the 14th of August, next week. That means that on the 14th of September, I can withdraw all of the remaining money without having any left over. My account balance will go to 0 and stay there. Although I'll de-list my prints I will leave my account there, because at the end of the day I don't want to leave Inprnt. It still offers the best artist margins and as I'm now unemployed after graduating, the additional support is such a load off my mind. So this is a chance to wait and see - if they improve their services, I'll happily re-open.

It's a big deal to me because selling prints is sort of my ideal life as an artist. I never had the attention span or self-discipline for commission work and I found that it left me creatively stagnant. I always want to try new things, new concepts and ideas, and being able to think "yeah, people will like this as a print" while I experiment is honestly very reassuring. And I know that in going on hiatus, it'll break a lot of "buy a print" links in my circulating posts. Oh well lmao. If you want to buy a print right now - go ahead, it might be your last opportunity. Another way to support me would be to check out my ko-fi for once-off donations or some nice sketchbooks/comics/book samples you can buy, or subscribing to my Patreon.

As of right now, Inprnt owes me $381 (the unfulfilled request submitted above for $186.60 and my current standing balance of $194.80 which takes 30 days from each transaction to clear).

[void-authority]

Please help us feed ourselves and move to a better, cheaper house so we can pay our debt and get healthy. Please read the entire post.

Help us here (p4yp4l) and here (K0f1). I know I just recently made a donations post, but this time my mom and I really need your help more than ever. We need 1000 euros total. A place near where my mom works is going under renovations and up for sale, at 400 euros per month, 200 euros less than this house's current rent price (600). My mom has to drive 30 minutes to work and then back home 5 days a week, it uses a lot of gas which is really expensive, making those travels not needed and saving up 200 euros for essentials and to pay my mom's debt would be life changing, and this house is slowly making us sick.

We're sinking deeper and deeper into debt as more days pass, and my mom has already been threatened to be taken into court if she doesn't start paying it soon. We don't have the means to pay it at all, people refuse to hire me and my mom earns just barely enough to pay rent, and we're starting to not be able to feed ourselves.

The stress of the situation and the poor conditions of the house is also harming Cookie, our cat, who we've raised since she was 2 days old, and it's stressing us out further.

I also have a rotten wisdom tooth that can't come all the way and has decayed enough where the nerve is exposed, even if I can't show it well. It has been like this for almost half a year now, and I fear it'll get to the point where it'll get infected and become a big health issue for me if I don't go to a dentist soon. If we manage to get this cheaper place and move to it, we can actively work on getting our life back together, and hopefully not have to ask for help like this ever again. If we don't, eventually we'll have to make the choice of having a roof over our heads and starve completely, or go homeless, if my mom doesn't get taken to court and likely arrested first. It's starting to get colder and we have nowhere else we can go and no people to support us, we might not survive in the long run if we don't take this chance.

Please, please help us, I'm so tired of having to ask for money to survive, but doing so is our only hope.

[themaarika]

Sunny and Rainy is over

This is it for God of Tea and Sunny and Rainy! I started this webcomic years ago and it's finally time for me to move on. Thank you so much for reading, leaving comments and otherwise supporting this comic!

If you're a patron, I've archived the whole comic in three PDFs that all $5+ tier patrons can download. Check out the pinned downloads post for that. ✨

For everyone else, you can also buy the PDF version of Sunny and Rainy on itch.io if you want to own it. It's nearly 400 pages total! The web version of Sunny and Rainy will continue to exist as it is and will always be free to read at sunnyrainycomic.com! It's also on Webtoons, but it's important to me to have my own website as well and not depend on other platforms. If you're a patron, then your Patreon support helps me pay for the webhosting and I appreciate it very much since my webhost has been raising prices every year. 😩

Why end it??

If you're wondering why I'm not continuing SR, then there are several reasons for that. The biggest reason is that working on this comic takes several days of my week and along with my job and everything else I do, it's a big time commitment to me that I can no longer afford to make.

Unfortunately, making a free webcomic is not sustainable even though I made regular and reasonable effort to promote it over the years and on Webtoons it has about 20k subscribers. When I started this comic I was hoping it would gain an audience big enough to make it sustainable through Patreon but I've never reached that goal. It's been almost 7 years and it just never happened. I even applied for grants to get it funded but with no luck. I think I gave it a fair shot.

Most webcomics are (and used to be) monetized by ads but even then the ad money is peanuts unless you get millions of views. I hate ads and I will never monetize my work that way. Currently big platforms like Webtoons are monopolizing the webcomic space. The whole internet landscape has changed drastically and now big companies like Marvel and DC also post their comics on Webtoons and most indie creators can't compete with them.

Not to even mention how poorly the creators that are lucky enough to be funded and promoted by the platforms are treated. You can't make comics if you're not in love with this medium and it will most likely not love you back. 😔

What next then?

Will I make more webcomics? I'm not going to say no, BUT absolutely not immediately and nothing long form. If I work on another comic project I'll probably make it exclusive to patrons. I love the comic medium so much, but a free webcomic is basically the worst way to make a living (if it's viable at all in the year 2024), and unfortunately I need to buy food and pay my bills.

If you want to keep up with my upcoming projects and new comics or other announcements I encourage you to join my email Mewsletter.

Thank you for reading! ⭐

[veenus777]

◜Dadbur Headcanons◞

┊ ᝰ﹕Fluff, SFW, mention of divorce

┊ ᝰ﹕Part Two of Dadbur, send me suggestions and asks for the next ones <3

♧ ok, imagine a mini wilbur with curly hair and a snub nose, well that's your son.

♤ At first Will would be absolutely terrified, he didn't have the best parents in the world so he was afraid of being the same for his son.

♧ This man tries so hard! he didn't want to fall into that stereotype where only mothers really take care of their children, so he'll be there to change their diapers and give them bottles, waking up in the middle of the night to get them back to sleep. He knows how stressful and tiring this is for you, so he does everything in his power to make it easier.

♤ Lullabies but not children's ones, he would play Bowie like Starman and Space Oddity, Beutiful boy would definitely be in the repertoire and he would change the gender if it was a girl.

♧ He would spoil his son a lot, with clothes and toys, and he often buys things that are definitely not for his son's age but always ends up saying "he will use them in the future".

♤ He wouldn't post photos of his child, just one or two that don't show his face, he doesn't like this type of exposure on the Internet, especially with his son.

♧ When the child grew up and had some kind of interest in appearing, he would agree, but nothing excessive, just a few appearances on streams or things like that.

♤ As soon as he reaches a certain age, Will would like him to be at his shows even if it's with ear protection headphones.

♧ If he won a prize he would promptly dedicate it to you and your son.

♤ Possibly the baby would appear in some Lovejoy music videos (when he was old enough).

♧ Would you create a family day that happens every week, where you both take time off from work just to spend time with your child outdoors having picnics, trips to the beach, going to amusement parks and things like that.

♤ You would also have a game night, with a good pizza and board games or video games, sometimes you also invite your friends to participate.

♧ Another family tradition is to always have dinner together and talk about your day and plans for the next one, you also like to cook dinner together it's always a lot of fun.

♤ You also always travel on vacation to different countries, you want your child to get to know different cultures and experiences.

♧ Trips to Disney with Uncle Tommy are definitely your child's favorite.

♤ Once a week Phil and Krist babysit for a romantic parental date.

♧ Will would definitely cry on the first day of school, I see this man coming home and checking his watch every 5 minutes to see what time he will have his son back.

♤ As a first-time father he would also despair at any slightest sign that his child is falling ill.

♧ I can easily see Will, Tommy and Charlie dressed up like princesses and made up for tea time, and they would absolutely love that.

♤ He goes to put the baby to sleep and ends up sleeping in his place>>>>

♧ I think during pregnancy with his first child he would be extremely nervous but after that he would definitely want more children.

♤ I think he would like two or three, nothing too big but not small.

♧ He would be in favor of positive and non-aggressive parenting with his children, he would also be a great supporter of all of his children's choices.

♤ He would also be in favor of teaching his children to be independent with things like handling money, knowing how to cook, having responsibilities and things like that.

♧ When he was on tour with Lovejoy I feel like they would have two options, the first is that if your children are young and not studying yet he would try to convince you to go along with him, but if the children are not so young anymore he you would just feel really bad about leaving them and wonder if you are being a bad father.

♤ In the second option he would make a point of calling all the time, at least two calls a day, he would also buy gifts and things from every country or city he visited, collectibles like postcards or key chains.

♧ He would have lots of photos of his children, some funny ones with just them sleeping, and his lock screen would be a photo of his loved one next to his children.

♤ Even if you separated he would be a good father, he would try to solve all your problems so that it doesn't affect the children and they have a good co-parenting.

.˚｡  💋 .˚｡ 💌

[yaskie]

This video is also uploaded on TIKTOK Ko-fi Website: Click Here

A continuous battle and I am scared(URGENT) - you can click on the image to direct you to the Ko-Fi Site.

Dear Friends, Right now I feel despair, and hopelessness. And I feel so tired. I deeply apologize for tagging you all again, please don't get mad. I just really needed help.😢😢 I just got my life back, and recently recovered from my debts from my previous battle in between 2021 and mid 2023. I really felt so ashamed in writing this, because I am avoiding as much as I can to ask help financially again. 

You were there for me during my darkest hours, and for that, I will be eternally grateful. But now, I find myself in a situation more dire than ever before, and I am trembling with fear as I implore you to lend me your aid once again.

The video you see attached to this post is a painful reminder of the recent loss I've endured. Uncle Dindo joined our creator last March 24, 2024, after battling Stage 4 Lung Cancer for a month. His passing has left a void in our souls, and also drowned us in debts too. I am helping with expenses as much as I can, that it also drowned me. My Father died of the same illness as well. I made a post more than a month ago with the Title: FIGHTING AGAINST CANCER sadly we still have zero donation and sales from our Emotes and Digital Stickers sale. 

I do not know how to approach all of you again, but I am so scared right now. The reason I made this new post is I've been doing my best to make ends meet, trying to loan to a bank to be able for me to start my Treatment again(but mostly got rejected). I am already back to work eversince the fourth quarter of 2023, but the income is not enough as I earn only $12-$15/day with 12 hours plus of work.  I am really really scared right now as I am writing this. First, I need to settle my rent within 12-24 hours which cost $500(water & electricity is unstable). My landlord is threatening me that he will lock the house, kicking me out and leaving my pets behind. My cats and my dog are my life. Update(05/02/2024): I asked helped from a local council here to help me talk to my landlord. We have an agreement and I am given enough time until Saturday of this week - May 4, 2024. To settle the rent and for me and my pets to leave the apartment, we found a new one but we need a 2 month deposit. And payment for a rental truck. I need to pay my landlord too - so, I can be able to transfer to another home, and he will let me leave peacefully. Which will have another cost, as I need to rent a small truck because I have my pets with me. I have written this on my previous blogs before that I have been sexually harassed(this SCARES me so much too), and stalked by a former friend. He was jailed, but he is back again(already reported it to police). But for safety transferring home is needed. My trauma is still not yet recovered. We still need to prioritize as well my Aunt's treatment, as her health is rapidly deteriorating too(Stage 3 breast Cancer is advancing, her right breast has already been removed). And I need to start mine again, it spread in other parts of my body(I am holding on). I'm really scared right now. If you can spare anything—money, support, anything at all—it would mean the world to me. I hate asking, but I don't know what else to do. Any amount is appreciated, or you can purchase from my Small Shop as well. Thank you so much. Please take Care. Love, Jasky P.S. Sorry if my writing sounds scattered. I don't have proper sleep at the moment.

Sorry for tagging again, please do not get mad at me. I really help so badly. Reposting, or if you have any at least $5 or buy stickers it will really mean a lot to us, to me.

@boost-the-signal @measurelessdreamer @c1a1r3r3df1e1d @samblerambles @nearlybitches

[ladykailitha]

Grief (A Friend Indeed) Part 12

And here we are at the end. Thank you so much for being on this journey with me.

Here we have Steve's POV of the last scene from last week, he talks to Hopper and Steve's uncle further proves he'd be a better parent than Clint Harrington.

Pt 1 Pt 2 Pt 3 Pt 4 Pt 5 Pt 6 Pt 7 Pt 8 Pt 9 Pt 10 Pt 11

****

Steve watched Eddie march to the truck and let out a shuddering breath. He thought that they had really connected here. But now as they were going back to Hawkins it appeared that Eddie was just going to leave that here in Ashland.

He got to his car and looked at the sad little cooler and just lost it. He started cursing and hitting the steer wheel.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid!” he hissed. “You never did hear a name, did you, Harrington? Apparently he was in love with someone else all this time and was only being nice because you were having a mental break down.”

He could feel the tears stream down his face. Bitter and angry. “You should have been supporting him not the other way round. That’s probably why he’s soooo pissed at you. Because he was grieving and you made it all about you. Like you always do. Fuck!”

Just then the passenger side door was wrenched open and Eddie slid in.

The tears dried up instantly in his surprise. “Eds?”

And then Eddie proceeded to just knock all his intrusive thoughts out of the fucking ballpark. Just sent them running like a scared dog with its tail between its legs.

Then kissed him about it.

They still needed to have a proper conversation but that could wait until they were back in Hawkins.

Steve could live with that.

*

When they got home they had that talk. Eddie learned about all the different girls who had propositioned him and was pissed on his behalf.

“That’s fucking bullshit,” he said. “You shouldn’t have had to deal with that.”

Steve shrugged. “You had enough on your plate. Plus, I sicced Uncle Danny after them.”

Eddie blinked. “Oh. I think I would have paid good money to see that.”

“I didn’t have to send anyone after Beth though,” Steve said with a grin, “Lauren did that all on her own.”

“I’m so glad you two got along,” Eddie murmured. “But in the future, you tell me these things. I want to protect you, the way you protect everyone else, okay?”

Steve agreed.

Wayne walked into the new house provided by the government, wiping his hands on an old rag.

“Everything is in the garage for us to sort and place later,” he told Eddie.

“You two going to be wanting help getting everything in?” Steve asked.

Wayne shook his head. “Lauren and her Uncle Hal are coming out next week to help out.”

Eddie ran his tongue over his teeth thoughtfully. “Yeah? I didn’t hear about that.”

Wayne had the presence of mind to blush. “It must have slipped my mind.”

“Uh-huh,” Steve and Eddie said together.

Wayne cleared his throat. “So I’m going to be seeing you a lot more now that you and Ed are together?”

Steve grinned, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s waist and putting his head on his shoulder. “I’ll be here so often, you’ll think I live here.”

Wayne hummed. “We’ll come back to that in a few months.”

Eddie blushed. “Nice to know you aren’t planning the wedding already, old man.”

Wayne blinked innocently. “Oh I am, but I’m thinking fall of next year or the year after.”

Eddie coughed and sputtered as Steve laughed.

He turned to Steve. “Why aren’t you defending me against this?” He waved at Wayne’s smug expression.

“Because I’m already coming up with arguments for a late spring early summer wedding instead.”

Eddie’s jaw dropped. “That’s some confidence you got there, darlin’. What makes you think I’ll say yes.”

Steve kissed him, slow and searing.

Eddie blushed. “Yup. Okay. Uh-huh. Point made.”

Wayne just smiled fondly.

*

Steve was really starting to regret setting the party on his Uncles Percy and David.

Robin, El, and Will had kidnapped Percy, while Dustin, Mike, and Nancy had absconded with David somewhere.

Eddie, Lauren, and Jonathan were talking to Hal and Lucas, Max, and Erica were talking to Wayne.

Hopper came up to Steve and put his arm around his shoulders.

Steve relaxed into the embrace.

“You did good, kid,” Hopper said. “I’m proud of you.”

Steve nodded and then rubbed the end of his nose, trying to fight back the tears.

“I had a long talk with Joyce about some of her choices that she made while I was gone,” he continued. “I’m glad I’m out of that hell hole, but she should have made sure everyone was safe first.”

“She had a lot on her plate,” Steve murmured.

Hopped cuffed the back of his head. “Don’t you go forgiving her without her apologizing first. I had to go back to California because apparently some fucked up general decided to shoot up the Byers house in Lenora.”

Steve looked over at Hopper in shock. “They did what now?”

Hopper nodded. “It was a complete shit show. But you have to know, I wouldn’t have just left you behind if I didn’t think you could handle it.”

“I know, I just...”

“Just wish you didn’t have to handle it?” he asked. Steve nodded. “I getcha. I wish you didn’t have to either. But I trust you to take care of everyone here, because I know they’re in safe hands with you.”

Steve choked back a sob. “Thanks, Hop.”

“Still can’t believe you’re dating that Munson kid,” he teased.

Steve pushed Hop way playfully. “Oh fuck off. He’s a good man.”

Hop looked over at him talking to Jonathan and Hal. “If he gets you to take care yourself or at least does it for you, he gets a pass from me.”

Steve blushed. “He takes care of me. It’s incredible how easy he makes it look.”

“I know your family was shit growing up,” Hop said. “But look at it now.”

Steve looked out at the fifteen-sixteen people out there lounging around the swimming pool with fondness.

“I always wanted a big family,” he said softly. “Who would have thought that all it would take is some extra-dimensional monsters to make it happen.”

Hopper chuckled. “I feel you kid. Before I started all this, I had lost my daughter to cancer and my wife to divorce. Now, not only do I have another daughter to take care of, I have a woman I love and her two boys that are like her sons to me.”

Steve made a grimace. “Does that mean Jonathan is my step-brother, because ew.”

“I heard that Harrington!” Jonathan called out.

Steve and Hopper laughed.

Eddie came bounding up to Steve. “I’m not sure I want the Chief as a father-in-law, babe.”

Steve smiled. “Oh that is going to make for some very awkward family dinners.

Percy came up behind Eddie.

“Hello, I’m Steve’s uncle, Percy,” he said extending his hand to Hopper to shake.

“Yeah,” Hopper said. “I’ve been hearing all about you. I’m sorry Clint Harrington kept you away from Steve for all this time.”

Percy nodded. “Jasper being an idiot didn’t help, unfortunately. But I’m in Steve’s life for good. There’s nothing that his parents could do that would change that.”

Steve gave Percy a hug in gratitude.

“Welcome to Hawkins then,” Hopper said with a smile. “It’s bit of a mess at the moment, but it’s home.”

“Well,” Percy said with a smile, “the welcome so far has been amazing I’m happy Steven has a support system now.” He turned to Steve. “May I pull you away for a moment. There’s something I would like to talk to you about.”

Steve looked at Hopper and Eddie who both shrugged. “Sure, lead the way.”

Percy went inside the kitchen and sat down at the counter. “When you told me that you didn’t get into the colleges and universities you applied for, I called around.”

Steve frowned. “Why? My grades slipped after Christmas my senior year. I ended at 2.76 GPA. I figured that wasn’t good enough to get in.”

“Yes,” Percy said. “If they only looked at your senior year. But they don’t. They look at a cumulative GPA from all your years at high school. You had a cumulative GPA of 3.16. Which is more than enough to get into any college you wanted. Especially with you still winning medals in swimming.”

His frown deepened. “But Dad said that I didn’t get into any of those schools.”

“Yes, which I thought was odd,” Percy further explained. “Which is why I called. Steven, you got accepted into two thirds of the schools you applied for.”

Steve leaned back. “What? That’s not possible.”

“I’m guessing Clint only showed you the one third you didn’t get into and told you the rest was the same.”

“Why?” he breathed. “Why would he do that?”

“Because the schools you got into weren’t the ones he wanted you to go to is my next guess.”

“I can go to college?” Steve asked, his lip quivering. “I don’t have to be stuck here my whole life?”

Percy shook his head. “You are a smart young man, and David and I are very committed to helping you get to where you want to go in life. Your parents mail have failed you, but I promise we won’t.”

Steve let out a shaky breath. “Thank you so much.”

Percy got up and hugged him. “Now go back out to your boy, he’ll be worried about you.”

Steve nodded and walked back out.

Percy followed close behind and wrapped his arm around David’s waist.

“You think they’re going to be okay?” David asked as they watch Steve and Eddie cling to each other.

“Oh yes,” Percy said. “It may have taken a tragedy to get them here, but they are smart boys with a great support system. There is nothing those boys can’t do now.”

“I’m happy to have met them,” David said.

“Me too.”

****

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @chaoticlovingdreamer @messrs-weasley @goodolefashionedloverboi @maya-custodios-dionach @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @emly03 @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89 @bookworm0690 @itsall-taken @bookbinderbitch @redfreckledwolf @vecnuthy @littlewildflowerkitten @scheodingers-muppet @mira-jadeamethyst @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @gutterflower77 @genderless-spoon @hel-spawn @ellietheasexylibrarian @anne-bennett-cosplayer @mamafaithful @yikes-a-bee @dragonmama76 @flaming-reauxster @r0binscript @awkotaco24 @ilikeititspretty @5ammi90

[kyouka-supremacy]

I usually like to imagine that Beast! Sskk's relationship is just as intense and, if not, even more tumultuous than than canon! Sskk, but the other part of me says they get together quicker (whether they work together as partners quicker or simply become boyfriends quicker, your pick) entirely because I find the prospect of the beast! ADA interaction with Beast! Atsushi so funny

Like on one hand, Atsushi is known as the White Reaper of the Port Mafia, one of the most terrifying and ruthless assassins. But he also has the personality of a very skittish cat that stands in corner of the room and does not talk to people aside from stare at them (its the anxiety) but since he masks his usual emotions so much he just looks really menacing.

And on the flip side the ADA cherishes Akutagawa; they trust him and they believe in his intuition, so if Akutagawa assured them that there is no harm in Atsushi's presence, then surely they have nothing to worry about, right? Yeah but they forget Akutagawa's weird as fuck and finds companionship in the most questionable people, so they should've figured to prepare themselves in advance

So now there are rules in the ADA regarding Atsushi when he is in their building:

1.) Akutagawa needs to stay in the room and keep atsushi company for everybody's mental health (so many weapons came out in the 3 minutes it took for Akutagawa to go to the cafe for a snack and come back)

2.) Dont stare tiger boy in the eyes too long he'll get defensive (at least he was kind enough to repair the broken wall in the agency office)

3.) Dont turn the lights off when he's in the room he blends too well in the dark (everyone had at least 2 heart attacks cause they couldn't see or tell he was there)

4.) Dont take photos of him he'll know when the camera is pointed at him (fukuzawa tried to video him playing with the trinkets and Akutagawa's desk and he got so embarrassed he left and ghosted everyone for a few weeks)

5.) Dont comment on the amount of sugar he takes (emotional support sugar packets for his coffee. Same incident as rule.4)

6.) If sskk does some out of pocket homoerotic enemies type shit, ignore them. They're not gonna stop. (Ada made a betting pool, and it keeps pooling in more money. Akutagawa doesn't know its existence yet)

Okay first of all Anon THANK YOU I LOVE YOU WITH EVERYTHING I'VE GOT LITERALLY NOTHING IS GOING TO EVER GIVE ME AS MUCH JOY AS OPENING MY ASKBOX TO SEE A LONG ASK TALKING ABOUT BEAST SSKK. DAY WEEK MONTH ABSOLUTELY MADE I LOVE YOU FOREVER.

Second of all Beast ada is SO unhinged, they all literally went “this is our little murderous wet dog of a new member and this is his doubly murderous catboyfriend”. I love the set of rules, in my mind Kunikida actually wrote them down and hang them next to the door of Fukuzawa's office, hoping it could help avoid confusion in the office as much as possible. They are updated occasionally. I love Atsushi being... Completely unstable like yeah that's literally everything Beast Atsushi is (on the verge of breakdown / violent panic attack 24/7). Like he IS a feral cat he IS going to launch at you and scratch your face. And I LOVE how Akutagawa's presence instantly calms him because??? It would??? Because they have this unmatched connection and Atsushi knows no one understands him as deeply as Akutagawa does, and that at least is comforting and soothes him and makes him feel safe. + major abandonment issues that will have him quietly (and then not so quietly) spiral into panic as soon as Akutagawa is gone and he's left alone in an environment he's not familiar with. I'm dying at the idea of Atsushi ghosting the ada for weeks on more than one occasion that's such a dysfunctional behavior and that's so him I love it. I love all of these brilliant spectacular showstopping thank you so much Anon I owe you my life

[sterekchub]

Derek works as a trainer at an aquatic amusement park. The whales are rubbing off on him.

I’m picturing a park stuck in the 80s. The local aquatic park that should have been closed 10 years ago, and back in its glory days was overflowing with guests. And now it sits luckily to see 100 guests a day, with 80s lighting and fake plastic plants around the walkways, with the dolphin tanks empty.

Stiles is an environmental activist who comes by on weekends- their busiest days, to protest. The staff all know him by name.

Including Derek, nephew of the owner and reluctant whale “trainer”. He has no experience or education on animals other than having worked in the park since he was young. They do the best they can, but failing attendance means falling revenue, and they cut corners where they can. It also means their one orca whale left in captivity isn’t going to have a tank mate anytime soon.

But the whale shows are still one of their few draws. So three times a day on weekends, Derek pulls on his 80s wetsuit and stands by the tank throwing fish into the water for the orca to catch, and lecturing the crowd about whale facts that he could recite in his sleep.

Stiles was at his latest show, which was usual: he had always protested from outside their gates and Peter had made it pretty clear not to allow him further in.

“I thought you didn’t want to support this place?”

Stiles grins. “Who said I bought a ticket?”

“I could have you arrested. You better not be here to vandalize anything.”

“Maybe I just had questions about whales.”

Derek snorted. If not wasn’t on his prewritten script, he didn’t know it.

“You know they do better in packs, right?”

“She was a rescue and her 2 packmates died.”

“So why keep her here?”

“We are a business,” Derek sighed. “We have to make money and whale shows are the only thing that bring people in. No money, no animal care or rescue. All our animals get the best medical care and treatment.”

“That you can afford.”

Derek walked away. Stiles didn’t follow him. That night, he dreamed he was in the middle of the ocean, alone with no one around. Tired of swimming, he decided to open his mouth, but instead of drowning he found himself filling up with water like an expanding water balloon.

***

Stiles started making a habit of coming to each of his shows. And every night after, Derek would have strange dream.

“Did you know male orcas weigh about 5 tons?”

“Rosie is a female.”

A disconcerting grin. “I know.”

That night Derek dreams his wet suit is stuck during one of his shows. He tugs and pulls and when it does finally come lose, waves of blubber come spilling out. It takes him a few minutes to realize that it’s all *him*- a belly that hangs to his knees, moobs sagging down on top it, and love handles and side rolls that seem to stack on top of each other endlessly….

***

“Some orcas eat 500lbs a day.”

“She only eats 200-300 pounds.”

“Maybe you don’t feed her enough.”

“Maybe you should work here,” Derek shot back, “since you seem to know everything.”

That night he was walking up to Rosie’s tank…except instead of seeing her, or seeing any water at all, the tank enclosure was filled with nothing but comically large foods . Derek found himself climbing up the ladder and throwing himself in, landing on top of a burger bun, which cushioned his fall….

***

“Orcas have been known to eat seals or even penguins.”

“We don’t feed her penguins. Or seals.”

“Why not?”

“Go home, Stiles.”

He can’t seem to get out of his dream. He’s in bed, and when he goes to move he finds he just…can’t. Feels heavy and weighed down and even his arms don’t seem to want to move. He opens his eyes and all he sees is a flesh colored mountain obscuring his view, pushing up against his chins, making it hard to breathe..::he wakes up gasping for air and is late to work in the morning.

****

Two weeks after Stiles first visits into the park, Derek comes into work to see a crane over the orca tank.

Peter looks less upset than Derek thought he would be losing the star of their park.

“Could try and get dolphins back.”

Peter shakes his head. “I’ve been having some words with that activist and….I must say he has some compelling ideas.”

“An animal free aquarium doesn’t bring in customers!”

“Don’t worry, nephew. This is a first of its kind idea….”

****

Derek wakes up that night to a bag over his head and someone binding his hands and dragging him out of bed.

***

A year later, a brand new sign is added to entrance to the whale stadium and tank. “Opening Next Month: Hale the Human Whale!”

Stiles sits in Derek’s old wetsuit by the feeding pen, where Derek is sitting in shallow water, no more than six feet, cheeks swollen and mouth closed around a feeding pump. Stiles checks the tank, remarking “good job, Der! Only 50,000 calories left” before jumping into the water and starting to massage and oil Derek’s mounds of blubber to try and reduce the new collection of stretchmarks that seemed to appear overnight.

After months and months of being pumped full of high-calorie slop, Derek stopped protesting. He was just a ideal whale. It had been so long since he had been able to move let alone walk, and now he could roll over and float around in this shallow tank.

When the feeding tank was finally empty, Derek rolled over and let his food swollen belly hang down, the sheer weight and pressure of the nearly half ton ball of lard take off his back. Belly rumbling, he opened his mouth and let out a long, deep belch.

Stiles laughed. “Sorry, I don’t speak whale…and now you’re fed, time to train!”

Derek was too full to care about how humiliating it was to roll over and do tricks command. He liked food. He needed more food to keep him pleasurably full and aching and increasingly heavier and heavier.

Stiles held a bucket of shrimp and said “roll!” Derek obliged, the movement causing his stuffed gut to protest and another rumbling burp escaped.

“Speak!”

“Want….more.” Derek grunted. Stiles tossed him the entire bucket and he finished it in a matter of seconds. After a few more minutes of lazily bobbing around in the water, Stiles pushed him back towards his feeding tube.

“Eat up. Show opens in a month and you need to be at least a ton by then… can’t have people thinking we don’t feed our animals!”

Derek was too busy eating to hear him.

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

"get me a damned matcha" | Chapter 3: August I

{{ Chapter 2: July I | Chapter 4: September I }} Chapter Directory

reader is petty and tbh, same. also we get more on reader's backstory now! :D

if you're interested in getting tagged for updates, fill out this form here!

✧ pairing ➼ levi ackermann x fem!reader, college x coffee shop x roommates!au ✧ summary ➼ After you find yourself plagued with misfortune due to struggles in your personal and family life, you find yourself needing to move last minute. As a junior in undergrad with little money and little social support, you considered yourself lucky when you found a sublease that was close to campus and was relatively cheap. Unfortunately, it seemed that your roommate did not seem to be so excited regarding your presence. ✧ content/warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, enemies to lovers (sorta), strangers to lovers, mentions of family deaths, reader being a little shit, descriptions of reader being superficial (ITS PART OF THE BACKSTORY ILL EXPLAIN LATER ITS FINE) ✧ word count ➼ ~4.4k

It was the first day of class. How today goes will essentially decide your trajectory for the semester. Everything had fallen apart so quickly last semester, which meant  that you wanted to place the utmost importance upon maintaining a good streak. 'No more bad days' is what you continued to tell yourself, even when the days were undoubtedly bad.

All of the problems from last year are resolved. You still have two more years to get everything done. Things will be back on track.

You stared at yourself intensely in the bathroom mirror as you repeated those thoughts to yourself, hoping that you would believe it if you thought it enough times. 

There were still a lot of loose threads in your life: your ex-boyfriend was still floating around, your aunt was still breathing down your neck about your grades, and you still had a stupidly hostile roommate. The only good thing about the last issue was that Levi irritated you more than he made you anxious, which couldn't be said for the other two. You could cope with being irritated. It fed into your stubbornness. 

The anxiety from the other two were much harder to deal with—so you didn't. It was a problem for future you. The only thing you wanted to focus on today was getting to class on time and surviving the day. After that, you just had to repeat the events of today every single day until you graduated. 

Solid plan, you thought to yourself, although you knew that you were just trying to drown yourself in blind positivity at this point. 

You finally came out of the bathroom, looking as chaotic as you felt. Your hair was a mess, your toothbrush was sticking out of your mouth, and you were still in your shorts and oversized t-shirt. You went into your room to grab your phone before locking yourself into the bathroom again. 

Your grumpy roommate was already up, but that wasn't necessarily a good thing. Levi was currently in the kitchenette, making morning tea, hoping that the caffeine will help with the mind fog that was quickly kicking in for him. Mornings generally weren't good for him, usually due to his inability to sleep regularly. While most would feel refreshed in the morning after the typical 8-10 hours of rest, he would find himself tired, grumpy, and unable to focus, which made it so that he couldn't even do work if he wanted to. All he could do at that point was suffer.

Since he was already irritated by default, he found himself scowling to himself as you ran around the apartment in a rush to get to class on time. He was already dreading having to wake up to this every week for 5 days in a row with you making a ruckus. If you were going to be late on your very first day of class, he couldn't imagine the following days being any better. He had no idea how he was going to deal with this all year.

He raised an eyebrow at you as soon as you came out of your bedroom. You seemed like a completely different person. Where there was formerly an oversized t-shirt, there was now a tight-fitting blouse that had open shoulders and would reveal the small of your back if you stretched your arms up. You wore jeans that tightly hugged your curves and looked incredibly uncomfortable.

Levi wasn't one to judge how you dressed or presented yourself, but the sudden change in dress took him aback. He had spent the past two months seeing you every single day. You had made yourself comfortable in his home—he was still reluctant to verbalize the fact that you lived with him now—and he had seen you in those shorts and t-shirts every day, even when you left the house. The only time in which he saw you in dress that was consistent to what he was seeing now was the very first day you met, after getting off the bus that came from your ex-boyfriend's apartment. 

He eyed you as you walked past him, trying not to make it obvious that he was looking at you. Levi could vaguely tell that you were carrying yourself differently—you were more formal, more elegant, and more...fake. 

He could tell that every movement you were making was forced, as if you were fighting against your instincts. He couldn't tell exactly what it was that gave him this impression, but something seemed different. He'd directly ask what was going on if you didn't irritate him so much at baseline. He didn't want unnecessary conversation with you. He just wanted you to leave.

He told himself this, but Levi did still find himself curious as to what was going on behind your psyche. Has the person he had been living with the past two months actually been someone else and was masking? Or was it the other way around? Or was he completely misinterpreting something as simple as a change in fashion style? 

Levi scolded himself for even being this nosey as he watched you pack your bags. It wasn't any of his business. He was just forced to see you every day, so of course he'd be curious about such a drastic change.

You swung your backpack over your shoulder and brushed yourself off, grabbing your phone to place into your back pocket. You barely acknowledged Levi's presence as you walked past him, but you were vaguely able to feel his eyes following you.

You glanced back at him.

"Later, grumpy," you said shortly before leaving and closing the door behind you, grinning to yourself as you visualized the scowl that undoubtedly appeared on Levi's face afterwards.

Levi stared at the front door that was now shut. Any lingering curiosity that he had 30 seconds ago was immediately replaced with irritation.

"Tch," he muttered to himself as he gently picked up his mug of tea. "Good riddance, brat."

~~~~~

You were wholly unprepared. 

Throughout your first two years of undergrad, you had your ex drop you off at the main quad every day, so navigating campus or even knowing the bus routes was never an issue for you. You realized once you got to the bus stop that you had zero clue as to when the next bus would arrive or if you would even get onto the right one.

You had both a maps app and the local bus app pulled up on your phone, constantly refreshing every 10-15 seconds to make sure that you're getting on the right bus. 

You eventually got onto the correct bus line, but that's where your luck ended. You had been standing on the opposite side of the street to where you were supposed to be, so you ended up getting onto a bus that went west instead of east. In your defense, the bus itself was facing east, but you had missed both the flashing sign in front of the bus that said it was the west line and the fact that this particular bus route you chose to take was one of the ones that drove in a circle around the block, which explained why it was facing a different direction once it arrived at your stop. 

You noticed that the bus was driving you further away about two stops into the ride and you immediately panicked and pulled on the wire that indicated the bus driver to stop.

You found yourself frantically pulling up the maps and bus apps again once you got off, cursing at yourself for getting lost on the first day of the semester.

You eventually gave up on trying to figure out the bus system and just ended up walking halfway across campus, trying to ignore the irritating fact that it probably would have been faster just to walk anyway. 

Although it was only by ten minutes, you were still late to class. You were able to arrive before any real discussions began, but it was still late enough that everyone would have noticed. It was a fairly small class that was seated at tables instead of a traditional lecture hall.

Luckily, it was only syllabus week, so you didn't have to worry about any assignment announcements—and you had printed out the syllabus ahead of time—but you were really embarrassed already when you walked in and saw everyone's eyes fall on you. On top of being late, you were fairly certain that you physically looked a mess from being forced to run around on campus for the past 20 minutes.

The class itself was an elective, so you weren't overly stressed about the coursework, but Paradis University was a small university at baseline and your major was even smaller. Everyone knew each other, which made this situation worse for you. On top of the blunder that made up today, everyone also knew of your struggles from the previous semester. They might not have known all the details, but nearly everyone knew that something had happened.

You made eye contact with the professor, who was side-eyeing you from walking in and disrupting his monologue. As you walked further into the room, you made eye contact with the graduate student that was TA-ing the class and gave her an awkward smile. 

Pieck nodded at you to acknowledge you before making a head motion to a table in the back, indicating that you should skip formalities and take a seat before making the professor more grumpy. Professor Magath wasn't a harsh professor by any means, but getting on an instructor's bad side from the very beginning of the semester was something that even you knew was a bad idea.

You slumped into the open seat at the table that both Petra and Oluo—another one of the few classmates that you could call a friend—sat at. You dropped your bag on the floor and had to resist the urge to bury your face in your hands.

Petra gave you an empathetic look and passed you a cup of Matcha from the nearby Starbucks that she picked up for you since she knew that you would be stressed.

You shot her a small smile as you grabbed onto the cup. Your friendship with Petra was on and off, but you at least appreciated her attention to detail whenever you were going through it. 

"It'll get easier with the more days that pass by," she whispered.

The smile fell off your face as you averted your gaze, frowning at an empty spot on the table.

Petra meant well. You knew that—but you were not in the headspace to discuss anything regarding "it" right now. You were in public and just had a rough morning.

"I don't want to talk about it, Petra," you said sternly.

At this point, it's been a little over two years since your parents passed overseas, but you were still struggling to adjust. They were there, and then they suddenly weren't. You remembered it all hitting you like a truck—with the first time being when you first got the bad news and the second time after your somewhat rocky relationship with your ex-boyfriend exploded and all of your emotional walls came crashing down. You thought you were over it, but you clearly weren't. It was more likely that you had used your relationship as a distraction from having to cope with your grief, and that once the relationship ended, you didn't have anything else to hold back all of the turmoil that had been building up inside you.

No one blamed your mental health for going down the drain towards the end of last semester, but it still resulted in unfinished classes and strained friendships. 

You sighed quietly as you tried to calm your nerves, sipping on your drink. 

You found yourself grimacing a little upon tasting the liquid that came into contact with your lips. You were perfectly content with the quality of the matcha tea latte's at Starbucks—until you had a certain barista brew it for you that apparently changed your standards out of the blue.

"You finally getting to murdering your roommate?" Oluo asked.

"I wish," you said with a scoff. "Can't afford the rent."

As you began chuckling to yourself for your snarky comment, you heard someone clear their throat from up front. 

Magath was giving you a disapproving look as he briefly paused in his speech. You were being too talkative and too noisy. 

You sipped on your drink again, turning away from your friends and towards the front in an attempt to avoid getting distracted again. However, given the fact that Magath was discussing the syllabus—which you had read the week prior—you still found yourself zoning out purely due to the lack of interesting information being spouted at you. 

The only thing running through your mind was how annoyed you were at the fact that your first day of class was already kind of a shitshow. Still, you repeated those phrases in your head that you had muttered in the morning: 

All of the problems from last year are resolved. Still have two more years to get everything done. Things will be back on track. Solid plan.

You were determined to make things go well.

By the time you zoned back into reality, class was over and everyone was packing to leave. Petra briefly patted you on the shoulder before heading out the door and Oluo briefly muttered something about being late to your meeting with him later during the day before rushing out.

You immediately began packing your own bag to leave, but you were lagging behind, and resulted in being the last one to leave.

You did another awkward smile at Magath and hoped that he didn't get too bad of a first impression from you. 

As you passed Pieck, she made eye contact with you and then spoke, which prompted you to slow down.

"I'm glad things are picking up for you again, _____," she said softly. "But Magath isn't the type to go easy on you—even if your reasoning is valid—and there are only so many strings I can pull." 

You clenched your jaw at her comment. She was right. It was only because of Pieck and the rapport she had built with the department professors that you had even passed your classes last semester. You hadn't shown up for more than a month and barely got assignments in. You knew it was only by chance that she noticed and reached out to you and it was by some weird stroke of luck that she was able to pull the strings that she did to convince Shadis to give you an incomplete last semester that you'd be able to make up in the summer. 

Although you had Magath this semester instead of Shadis, your situation was undoubtedly known to some extent by everyone in the department, given how small it was.

The more you thought about your situation, the more you felt your face heating up, and the more desperate you became to mask and hide any feelings of frustration that were rapidly approaching. You felt like your heart was jumping out of your throat and that your vision was becoming unfocused. Your hands began to feel clammy and you felt your brain begin to jump into the self-shaming thought spirals.

You really were grateful to Pieck for all the help she had provided you last semester, but you were unsure how much you'd be able to vocalize it right now without breaking down on the spot. As a result, you nodded at her, muttered a quiet thank you, and promptly left the room.

You vaguely heard her speak to you as you left.

"Just remember to reach out when you need it."

~~~~~

While it was a significant day for you with classes finally picking up again, it was a fairly normal and ordinary day for Levi. He made his morning tea, read some papers, went to lab for a few hours, and then came into his shift at the cafe in the afternoon. 

His shift was a bit busier during the late afternoon due to the undergrads beginning school and all deciding to come hang out in the cafe after classes were over, so he was more than ready for Onyankopon to come in and take over his spot at the register. 

He was currently in the awkward layover period in which Nicolo, who was working the morning shift, had already left, but before Onyankopon, who was working the closing shift, had yet to come in. The layover period was only for thirty minutes, but it was still thirty minutes too long. 

On top of having to deal with the annoying undergrads and his problematic roommate, his relationship with Hange and Erwin in lab had slightly soured. It was for no other reason that him not being in the mood to chat with either of them because of the conversation from last month. There was no bad blood or resentment, but Hange's comment regarding his disdain for the undergrads left him tilted and chatting with Erwin only ever involved his graduation progress, which was the last thing he wanted to think about at the moment.

He felt himself getting more and more frustrated and rarely found a moment in which he wasn't on edge because at this point, he literally feels like he doesn't have a safe space. Even when he's at home, he has to deal with you, even if he locks himself in his room most of the time. He couldn't catch a break no matter where he went. 

Levi was able to recognize that he was being hostile towards you and that it wasn't entirely fair, but you were also being a brat towards him. He acknowledged that he probably should have tried to compromise when you approached him two weeks ago, but your behavior since then has destroyed any lingering motivation to make your shared situation any better.

You've been nothing but petty ever since that one day in which he brushed off your attempts to get along with him. You began doing explicit "my space versus your space" behaviors, such as neatly cleaning only half the sink or kitchen or even putting a clear divide between what was yours versus what was his. One of his biggest pet peeves that you've picked up as a habit was that when you did the dishes, you only did your own dishes and left his in a neat pile, unwashed—which killed the purpose of them being stacked neatly as the dishes themselves were still filthy. 

It irked him to no end, but he also told himself that it was ultimately a good thing to keep everything separated. It would increase the chances of you moving out after the school year was over, but that was still around 10-12 months into the future, which gave him a headache to think about.

At this point, he began to wonder if maybe he cooked something that was scented a bit too strongly that made Miche mad and that was why he had to deal with you as a result of some bad karma. 

He found himself sighing in relief when Onyankopon finally walked in through the door. However, that sigh immediately turned into a groan of discontent when he saw you follow promptly behind him. Your figure was significantly smaller than his coworker, so he didn't see you until you were already in the door. 

You were completely distracted by your phone, furiously typing as you walked towards his counter. It didn't look like you did it on purpose, but he couldn't help but wonder if you were purposefully trying to irritate him when you took a seat in front of him at the counter—the same seat you had been sitting at ever since your first day stepping into the café back in June. 

Finally, you looked up and flinched upon seeing Levi, which caused him to raise an eyebrow at you in irritation.

"Shit, I forgot you work today," you grumbled.

Levi grunted, rolled his eyes, and then walked away from you to clean his tea station. 

You squinted at him as he walked away, glaring daggers into his back.

"Wonderful customer service skills as always," you grumbled as you scowled at him.

"Welcome!" a pleasant voice greeted you as you looked up and saw Onyankopon smiling at you as he walked up to the register. "I assume you and Levi know each other?"

"Unfortunately," you mumbled.

You had a shit day at school. Your following classes weren't much better compared to your first one of the day. While seeing Levi here didn't improve your mood in the slightest, you did find yourself coming into the cafe nearly every day. It was a convenient spot and had a good environment to study in—minus Levi, of course.

You eyes darted down to your phone as your screen lit up. Oluo had mentioned that he was going to be late for your planned meeting with him to set up the club you had mentioned to Petra, but he didn't mention just how late he was going to be. You were impatiently waiting for him to respond to your text about it.

"Well, what can I help you with?" Onyankopon asked.

"Matcha tea latte with coconut milk and a shot of espresso would be nice," you said with a smile. You knew that it was an unconventional combination, but you liked the taste.

"Coming right up."

"You're much more pleasant compared to Levi," you mused. "Do they pay you more?"

"They do not," Onyankopon said in an overly professional manner as he chuckled.

"Well, they should," you muttered loudly enough for Levi to hear in the back. You shot a smug grin towards him as your roommate glared at you from his station. 

If it was your goal to piss him off every time he saw you, you were succeeding.

Onyankopon took your card and walked off to enter your drink into the order intake system. 

You pulled out your laptop, opting to get some of the initial set-up done if Oluo was going to force you to wait for him. If your club wanted to operate this semester, you had to get the official paperwork in within the next two weeks. 

As you pulled up the university's student life website, you glanced up towards Onyankopon and saw that Levi handed him your drink before Onyankopon was even able to hand him the sticker indicating what you had ordered. 

As much as Levi chastised you for ordering a Matcha on your very first interaction, it seemed you had become predictable enough for him to immediately know what you were going to order every time. You wondered if you should switch it up occasionally to throw him off. The thought of it brought another smile to your face.

You sipped on it and you shut your eyes as another small smile appeared on your face. This blend was your comfort drink and was much better than the Matcha that Petra had brought you in the morning.

You didn't notice, but Levi was subtly eyeing you from the back as he restocked his station. You pissed him off to no end, but he'd be lying if he didn't at least take some satisfaction in the fact that you enjoyed his version of your comfort drink.

The door to the cafe opened again and two other undergrads walked in and sat next to you. 

Oluo walked in and sat down first, with another upperclassman one year above you that immediately followed after. Gunther had said he wasn't overly interested in being an officer, but you needed a senior representative and he was the most available, so you were able to rope him into it.

Levi was immediately reminded of that subtle discomfort you seemed to be giving off this morning when you had first come out of your room. That same tension appeared in your body posture again as you sat up more "properly" as soon as you started interacting with the two of them. It was overly professional and once again, appeared "fake". He just couldn't understand you. 

He vaguely overheard the three of you discussing the trajectory that your club was supposed to be taking. Levi scoffed to himself at the fact that a simple extracurricular was what you found yourself stressed about. You were incredibly privileged if that was the only thing you had to worry about. 

Levi did notice that although you started the conversation, it seemed more like Oluo and Gunther were leading it. Any idea that you proposed that didn't get immediate agreement from the other two was discarded. You immediately backed down on everything. You wanted an academic component since the club was supposed to be an honors society. They said no, you conceded. You wanted a stricter budget to be able to afford a bigger social outing at the end of the year. They said no, you conceded.

Everything that you said made sense, and even Levi agreed in that he would prefer the activities you mentioned over whatever garbage Oluo was proposing, such as a social for stupid things like Valentine's day or Thirsty Thursday. 

It irritated Levi even more that you didn't fight for your ideas in the slightest. You were letting both of them walk all over your club. He subtly squinted at you, watching your movements with them.

It wasn't a people pleaser thing, he could tell that much. It was more like you didn't really know how to navigate asserting your own opinions or desires, which was ironic. The person in front of him was not the person he had been coming home to every night.

Levi wasn't the type to be outwardly social, but he knew how to read people. That's how he was able to tell that this wasn't something as simple as being a people pleaser.

It was a lack of self-respect. He was able to see that even without full context over what was happening. The fact that you were different in front of him irked him even more.

He could not possibly think of a worse person to be forced to be around. 

He had hoped that he would have had a better day after leaving lab and coming in to have a mindless shift at the café, but the only thing he was feeling was his mood rapidly declining the minute you stepped into the door.

#: @levisbrat25 @gothgril69 @sckerman @berrijam @notgoodforlife @meowjaa @averysmolbear @roseofdarknessblog @bejewelledd @hhighkey @ayame236 @sad-darksoul @velouria17 @kamyru @l1zk4 @layenacreates @lamees004

[logan-lieutenant]

i feel so high school (au) pt. 5.A: pierresteban

anyway here are some high school aus for my fav f1 rpf ships and an exploration of who knows how to ball, and who knows aristotle

(based on american high school setups cause of the song)

i’ve never written for this ship before but i had an idea that just fit so well so here we go!

dancer!esteban and jock!pierre: pierre knows how to ball and esteban knows aristotle, but it wasn’t always like that. there’s a history. right now they seem to exist in entirely different worlds. the only thing they have in common is that they’re both athletes, and pierre would argue vehemently against that and insist that dance isn’t a sport. yes pierre’s one of those assholes. the school doesn’t even have a dance team or a cheer squad or anything like that, esteban goes to a separate studio but it’s a conservative town and a story like a boy doing ballet becomes a scandal QUICKLY. and it’s not even like this is just a high school thing, esteban’s been dancing since he was a little kid so every single school has always been a social hell for him. he has friends at the studio, and even though they’re mostly girls who feel sorry for him they at least treat him with kindness and he feels like he has a support system and a little hideaway from the bullying and that’s enough for him. he’s learned to keep his head down… for the most part.

except with pierre. pierre, that one popular peaking-in-high-school jackass who goes out of his way to pick on esteban. he isn't particularly smart or creative (he wouldn't be caught dead belonging to either of those adjectives) but he's an absolute badass at any sport he takes up. he's the star player in at least three different school sports and sometimes he joins other teams' practices just for fun because he kind of plays by his own rules and all the coaches adore him. he's a frat boy to-be, he's a player, he's one of those guys who gets waaaaay further in life than he should just because he's tall (in this au) and has rich parents. esteban lied about his age when he was fourteen so he could start working and make enough money to pay for his dance classes. they are not the same.

not now, anyway. but esteban knows why pierre makes a point to call him names, make homophobic remarks, set up a whole persona to make himself as opposite from esteban as he can: because pierre used to dance too. that's how they met. they were just kids, maybe five years old, and esteban was already the kind of shy/DifferentTM/awkwardly flamboyant child who other parents take one look at and go "that kid's gonna have a really tough life..." he took his first year of dance and even though it felt so wonderful and freeing and lovely he was ready to quit because even at that age kids can be cruel and he was so tired of hearing boys don't dance. until pierre. pierre came into the class a few weeks late, looking uncomfortable and hesitant and like he was trying to put on a brave face, and they found salvation from all the bullying and stereotypes in their friendship. there was basically no other option, they made eye contact that first day and there was an immediate connection. instant bffs for life– at least that's how it genuinely felt. they grew up together. pierre's parents started giving esteban rides to and from the studio so he wouldn't have to take public transit. they went to each other's houses and practiced routines in front of shit closet mirrors and tried to come up with choreo and always ended up falling into each other and laughing. in elementary school (grades kindergarten-5) pierre got into multiple fights defending the two of them from would-be bullies, pierre could almost keep his cool if it was just him the bullies were coming after but as soon as someone went after esteban it was gloves off. he got into trouble more than once but it brought them even closer, they were still young but already it was like "i'll look after you, i'll protect you, i'm always going to like you for who you are" and that was a beautiful thing.

middle school was different. esteban started taking dance more seriously, his family managed to scrape together as much as they could to support him so he could take more classes. he got onto competition teams and traveled for shows. meanwhile pierre started taking less and less classes– at first esteban thought that since pierre had taken up other sports he just didn't have as much time, but then there was distance growing in their friendship too and esteban started to understand something was wrong. pierre would be just as affectionate and friendly with him when they were by themselves but curt and irritable with him at school. pierre started hanging out with kids who would regularly pick on esteban, and when esteban finally said something about it pierre basically exploded. "it's not my fault you can't be normal, you need to grow the fuck up, i'm not going to be like you i'm not like you!" and there was all this connotation and implication in his words that esteban finally understood and it all clicked and then that was that. esteban never saw pierre at the studio again...

(to be continued)

[bohnsky]

Honestly after Qatar I was anything but motivated to post, so here it is for Qatar and Texas.

I literally still feel sick thinking about what the drivers had to go through just because Qatar has money. It physically hurts me. I'm honestly just glad that everyone is okay now.

That being said here are my favorite drivers 5,5 months into liking f1:

1. Alex Albon

As always, my beloved. This guy made me support Williams in the first place and now they have become my second favorite team (after Ferrari of course, because I apparently like pain). It sometimes feels like they're the only one's who really care for their drivers.

In Texas I was really stressed out like what do you mean 0,3s away from the points in the sprint race? And what do you mean 11th in the race?

2. Sergio Perez

Checo is the sweetest, I love his smile so much and it felt good to see so many Checo fans over there in Texas, not only haters. He was doing okay this week, but Lewis is getting closer and closer and I'm scared. I just need him to be good in Mexico, otherwise I'm going to quit watching F1 (I would never but please Checo please)

3. Lewis Hamilton

This was a hard decision. But I've been obsessing over Lewis again these past few weeks so he gets 3rd for now. Even though him being good literally tears my soul apart. I want him to be good, but he's a danger to Checo my beloved. I am sooo happy that Mercedes seem to get closer to Red Bull and that Lewis might have even had a chance today if the race had been just a few laps longer. But at the same time, please be worse than Checo.

Also Lewis is one of the very few men that I find breathtakingly beautiful. He is so gorgeous. And I love his tattoos. Especially his hand tattoos.

Fun Fact: My dad watched the Qatar GP with me, which was his first race ever and now he keeps refering to Lewis as the one who never makes it past turn one. Can't wait to tell him that the one who never makes it past turn one almost got Max.

4. Charles Leclerc

This was another hard decision, because I love Charles, but the past few weeks I barely paid attention to him (not because I didn't want to, but because there were so many other things to focus on, plus Uni sucks). I have thought about putting him on 5th, but who am I kidding, I love Charles too much and when he took pole I basically had the same reaction as Matt from p1. But I didn't really have time to be sad, about him losing P1 so early, because there was so much happening.

Also both Ferraris have been doing quite good, just not good enough, which is sad, but at least they didn't have any major strategy fuck-ups.

5. Lando Norris

I almost put him in 4th. This is mainly because I totally fell in love with Team Quadrant and was watching almost all of their youtube videos. Texas quali was the first time is tuned in to Max Fewtrell's watch along and I couldn't help but cheer along for Lando. And for the first half of the race I thought that there might be a chance for him to get his first win. It's kinda frustrating watching him being on the podium every weekend but never on the top step.

Honorable mentions:

Lance. He's really close to taking 5th. I might just have two 5th places next time. I might feel for him even more than I feel for Checo. And that means something. My boy passing out in the car in the middle of the race in Qatar? I literally couldn't sleep after reading about all of this. Just imagine the things that could have happened. I could cry just thinking about it. And then the dnf in the sprint race in Texas. He was doing so good and then that. But at least we got some Strollonso content and two stroints. Good race for him today.

Logan. I didn't think I'd ever say that, but Logan has kinda sneaked his way into my heart. He's nowhere near the top five but same as Checo and Lance, I just want him to have a good race for once. Qatar might have opened my eyes about him. That he was the only driver with the balls to retire for the sake of his health. And a big thanks to Williams for being so lovely. I feel like no other team would be so understanding. Sure you could say they have nothing to lose, but still. It takes some bravery to do. And I'm happy they did.

Also the Texas race was quite good, happy for Logan. Even though the rest of the weekend sucked.

Fernando. I don't know how and when it happened but I feel myself growing fonder of Fernando every day. I realized during quali when I was really upset that both Williams, both Astons and Hulk were out in Q1. So, all five of them, drivers that I wanted to see doing well. And the dnf in the race sucked so bad. Both Astons did so well and then that.

But then again, at least we got some Strollonso content. Fernando always pointing his camera at Lance is so cute.

Also him dead ass asking the team to pour water over him in Qatar might be my favorite thing ever.

Nico. Also no idea where that came from, but I realized that I have developed a huge soft spot for Nico. It started with me being interested in how he does because he's German. Then I started to genuinely like him and now I have this huge soft spot for him. It's not like he's competing for the top five though. It kinda feels like he has his own category (again, might be the German in me talking). I respect him big time, spitting facts about how shitty Haas is and frequently driving that shit box into the points. But I don't really search for content about him. Except for Hulknussen every now and then.

Speed round:

Oscar's safe (mad respect, many would have sent that into the wall) and stupid dnf. Also Loscar is kinda cute.

Alpine being sponsored by Travis Kelce. I just think it's funny how the whole Taylonso thing comes full circle now with Tay's new boyfriend basically buying Fernando's ex team.

Also Esteban just casually talking about throwing up in his helmet...

Nico Rosberg. I initially didn't like him, but he does spit facts and I appreciate that.

Yukierre. They're too cute for my little heart.

Pierre and Danny Ric. It's crazy to me how two drivers who literally used to be my favorites at some point are now totally irrelevant to me. I still like them, but in a normal way. Which is weird. I'm not used to being normal about something.

F1 acadamy slaying. And Bianca in McLaren :)

Women.

(Please can we talk about queen Susie?)

That's it for now. Give me your thoughts.

[ome-magical-ramblings]

Incense pt.3 , Blessings of Spirits.

First practical working with the Censer and I would like this to come out of the first and second sections that we did. Is that we make our own incense mix here. I will try to make it very simple and low on Ingredients. The reason I am starting with a blessing is that you want the censer to obtain blessing and virtue by blessing others.

Preparation for the Ritual is making the incense and we will work with: 1. one spoon of Sandalwood powder 2. one spoon of Brown Sugar or Arabic Gum 3. Add enough water to make a dough of the correct consistency 4. Few drops of olive oil. 5. 3 resin of frankincense and myrrh. You put all of them in a bowl and start making a "ball" and rolling all ingredient together until you get something pretty consistent and looks good to use and you let it dry some of the water covered in shrink wrap or something like that. You let it sit for 2 weeks or so and dry out. As you can see in the image below on the right it is the incense mix I made recently and on the right is the one I use after it dries out. Something you can do is put something to "help" the incense mix burn and you might need some testing and fidgeting with the stuff. It's not an easy process but at least you're not going through the route of making self-combusting incense.

The Ritual Proper

I have to emphasize that this isn’t a general offering and I don’t condone nor support the idea of “feeding spirits” randomly. That mean this whole ritual will be very specific in who you want you to give the offering or the blessing to, in the same logic of why you wouldn’t give money to random people in the street or you wouldn’t go to Facebook marketplace and say “FREE MONEY” and then put your location.

The Ritual Outline would be:

1) Prayer to God/Divine Creator. 2) Establishing “Overseers” of the offerings and boundaries. 3) Prayers to call the spirits. 4) Blessings and Thanksgiving. 5) Closure.

Part 1

You Establish some connection to divinity with the ritual and start by asking for guidance, you can of course use the Hidden Stele instead of Aphorism 14 from Arbatel here:

O Lord of heaven and earth, Creator and Maker of all things visible and invisible; I, though unworthy, by thy assistance call upon thee, through thy onely begotten Son Jesus Christ our Lord, that thou wilt give unto me thy holy Spirit, to direct me in thy truth unto all good. Amen.

Because I earnestly desire perfectly to know the Arts of this life and such things as are necessary for us, which are so overwhelmed in darkness, and polluted with infinite humane opinions, that I of my own power can attain to no knowledge in them, unless thou teach it me: Grant me therefore one of thy spirits, who may teach me those things which thou wouldest have me to know and learn, to thy praise and glory, and the profit of our neighbour. Give me also an apt and teachable heart, that I may easily understand those things which thou shalt teach me, and may hide them in my understanding, that I may bring them forth as out of thy inexhaustible treasures, to all necessary uses. And give me grace, that I may use such thy gifts humbly, with fear and trembling, through our Lord Jesus Christ, with thy holy Spirit. Amen.

Part 2

You would put a little put of the incense you made now.

Calling the cardinal Archangels, I usually recommend that people approach this as prayers. You can use format or ask a different thing from each archangel and in any case here’s a format for sake convenience:

“Oh [Archangel name] I ask for your guidance and protection in my ritual today, help me reach those who need my prayers and guide my hand toward those who benefit the most of it. Surround my work in infinite purified divine light of God that no malicious or malevolent spirit may enter and partake in this work, I beseech thee by the blood of Jesus Christ that no deceitful spirit is allowed in this chamber and this blessing is given by the Light of the World our Lord Jesus Christ. “

NOTE: I have to emphasise that the wording that no other spirit comes except those who are coming in light or benevolent. You don’t want to skip this step, you can use whatever form of invocation and with whatever else spirits you usually work but I have to repeat don’t throw the invocation just as free money on the street.

Part 3

You would put a little more of the incense you made now.

Since I am going through this ritual with an elemental focus on mind, now is the time to work with the prayer of elementals. You can use the elemental prayers and walk around the circle calling each elemental kingdom to pray with you!

Part 4

Now the Blessing of the spirit is that you would use the 🖖🖖 gesture toward each direction, where the ritual in Sepher Yetzirah is about sealing the Depths then this ritual is about Blessing the depths. You face each direction and use Numbers 6:24-26

24 ‘“The Lord bless you and keep you; 25 the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; 26 the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”

Each Direction you’re sending the blessings to the spirits, ancestors, angels, elementals, and so on who came to receive the blessings. East, South, West, North, East up, East Down. Then Stand there give it a bit, you don’t need to do anything right now and you can stand for a bit.

Part 5

Closure helps establish that the spirit who came on their ways and not have any lingering presence. I use Aphorism 21 from Arbatel to be honest:

Forasmuch as thou camest in peace, and quietly, and hast answered unto my petitions; I give thanks unto God, in whole Name thou camest: and now thou mayest depart in peace unto thy orders; and return to me again when I shall call thee by thy name, or by thy order, or by thy office, which is granted from the Creator. Amen.

 'Those that lower their voice in the presence of God's Apostle – their hearts has God tested for piety: for them is forgiveness and a great reward.'

[ceebit]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ──ㅤㅤ୨୧ USERJUYO COMMISSIONS POST.

hello! i briefly touched on this a while back, but i’ve decided to make an official post where i’ll be a bit more detailed. as of october 18th of this year, i’ll be opening one round of commissions! the concept of commissions is still a bit new to me, so hopefully this is explained well. (please be nice lmao..)

for the first round, five slots will be open as to not overwhelm myself. all 5/5 slots are currently open!

each commission will be charged at a fixed price of $8 for up to 1k words. meaning up until the one thousandth word, your comm is still $8. any additional length will be priced at $0.010 a word.

examples :

≤ 1k words -> $8

1.1k (+100 words) -> $9

1.2k (+200 words) -> $10

and so on! hopefully that makes sense. for now, all works will cap at around 3-5k words. if i write over that amount, you will not be charged.

REQUESTING COMMISSIONS

commissions can either be requested directly through kofi or in tumblr dms. i highly suggest you request through kofi due to tumblr’s inability to function sometimes. though feel free to dm me here for anything you feel you’ve missed and i’ll get to it as soon as i see it.

once on kofi, you have the option of adding the personalization add-on to your commission, which is an extra $3. a google form is required to fill in for this add-on. please be as detailed as you’d like. that is where you would add more personal things, as opposed to a general x reader comm.

due to me being a full-time university student, i will ask that you give me a grace period of a standard work week before dm-ing me for updates. as we all know, life is unpredictable at best. if at any point i deduce that will be unable complete your comm during the agreed upon time frame, i will refund half of what you paid.

if for any reason you choose to cancel your commission, please let me know in advance. i’ll give updates as frequently as i can, and you’re more than welcome to ask to see any progress i’ve made.

COMMISSION COMPLETION

upon completing your commission, you have the choice of either receiving it personally through email or tumblr dms in a pdf or me posting it publicly on my account.

your commission is for personal use only, so please do not publicly claim it as your own writing.

PAYMENT

all payments for each commission sent in through kofi and in usd. if you live outside of america, please convert your currency to usd!

WHO I WRITE FOR + WHAT I WILL WRITE

as of october 18th, 2023, i currently write for all members of seventeen, stray kids, and the boyz. however, feel free to ask if you’d like someone else from any group i stan! (ex : txt, nct 127, ateez, etc.) i’d be more than willing to put in the research :)

as this is a sfw account, i will not be taking any nsfw comms. i do, however, have works with some suggestive themes, so feel free to let me know what you’d like. if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me through my inbox or dms. if you would like more privacy, my discord is juyomii.

if you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading. making this post is nerve-racking but if i can create content for you while putting aside money for uni, then why not? (and quite frankly, internships are not cutting it. and job postings are stingy. you know how it is.)

i also have an added post on my ko-fi to spur me on to working on my drafts, but you don’t have to hit that one if you don’t want to. i’m grateful enough for the support i receive regardless. :)

the link to my kofi will be linked here as well as in my navigation and description. feel free to ask if you have any questions!

cece 🌷

[virtualgirladvance]

not to preach or anything because i genuinely believe it should be your choice and that you should have the option and would never judge you for taking that option...but i also feel the need as someone who was majorly depressed and suicidal for 14 years of my life and then pretty much only learned to become a person for the next 5 and have since spent my 20s trying and failing to experience things that every teenager does...i still have hope.

hope that things will get better. i try not to think about things that probably aren't too likely, like living forever or getting a robot body, but i have hope for those things too, shockingly. and it's because when i was at my worst, i was lucky enough to have someone who reached out and made my life a little bit better, who gave me hope, and a reason to keep living.

They probably didn't think about it like that, but that's how it was for me. And now...well, things have been bad. Years and years have gone by and I've been in incredibly frustrating situations over and over again. But I look back and think about how I'm not in that position again. I haven't lost hope that much. There are times, definitely, where I get close to it. I've lost a lot of people in my life, both to death, suicide, and other things. I've missed out on a lot of opportunities and burned myself out. I honestly am not sure if I'll ever truly recover from that.

It's like that was a different person, someone who wasn't perfect but had their life together to a degree that is now impossible for me. A person who could go out and play hockey, go to the bar, socialize, work overtime, and make plenty of money to support themselves.

I guess that's what disability does to people, though it seems not many understand that.

But at the same time, the one thing that hasn't changed is that I still have, and will always have, hope. I never would have thought I'd be here at my mothers place after not talking to her for 15 years. I never would have thought that at one point I'd have 5 girlfriends who I loved and loved me. I never would have thought that even after all the things that have happened to me, all the things i've gone through, that I could still smile and laugh and enjoy talking with someone or being in the moment. And yet...it's not like we have a choice. You laugh when something is funny. You feel sad when something sad happens. Sometimes the bad overpowers the good, but sometimes even when it's bad, things can be good. And I think that's important to realize...that first of all it's okay and doesn't make you any less when you're suffering, you shouldn't feel guilty about it, but that more importantly...you have to take the good with the bad. You have to allow yourself to have those moments and be happy.

Because...life is made up of good and bad moments. Life is made up of feeling sad and feeling happy. Humanity's greatest asset is, imo, our ability to hope. To dream. To live and adapt, yes, but more than that, our durability and strength when life sucks.

Because the funny thing is, thinking of it logically? The chances of things not getting better are so miniscule and small that it's barely worth thinking about. There are so, so many branches and paths and situations that can lead to fixing the problems you have, and ultimately only one problem is permanent- death. If the average lifespan is 70-90 years old, that just leaves so many years in the future...so many days and hours and minutes that are so large that our brains can't even comprehend how large it is. We don't even remember everything we've done in the last week or month, let alone the last year- let alone the last 10, 20, even 30 years. Nobody has any idea what's going to happen in the next month, let alone the next year, let alone the next 40, 50, 60 years. So many things can change. So many things will change. 50 years ago transgender rights were just being fought for. 60 years ago black people were still being segregated. 70 years ago the Moon was still a completely unexplored and untouched place. And you can see that on a smaller level in your own life. Especially because the younger you are, the less experience you have and the less reference you have to things in your past. It was 16 years ago that I moved in with my dad. It was 21 years ago that I played Pokemon for the first time. It was 10 years ago that I came out as trans. It was 12 years ago that I started using Tumblr for the first time.

So many things have happened in between those things. So many other things. Good and bad. I don't know that things will ever be only good, but I do know that the only way to find out is to be around, and the only thing that brings your chances of that to zero is not being around. A lot of things aren't good for me right now...but that doesn't mean they won't ever be. And I know that the more I live the more I understand myself and what I want and am able to look back on all the things I've done to make myself better. And I think as long as you can say that you're trying, that's enough. There's just no way to not make progress, inaction can still provide progress, even going backwards can.

So I hope you can be kind to yourself, I hope that you can see not only the bad but also the good, and that you can learn how to use humanity's greatest asset and keep doing your best, I believe in you, I love you, and I treasure your presence here.

(and I'm sorry for being autistic and rambly in your inbox :P)

🫶