#if i get anymore of these ill jist

[bi-buck-coded]

Ever just feel like getting on the ground and curling up into a ball?

[skylilac]

guys. ive been trying all day. i still havent gotten my score

killing collegeboard bc i have been trying to get my scores for an HOUR and all this little bitch did was break my phone

[yanderemommabean]

You have no idea when I saw your status change from 2 months to 6 hours ago. I audibly gasped!! I'm so so sooo glad you're doing okay and out of that awful situation, as someone who did the exact same thing at 16, it's really hard at first, getting things sorted out and moving out for the first time is definitely stressful, but as you said it will feel like home once the dust settles. Also is there any way we could send money your way to help out? Best wishes momma!!!

I'm happy to try and be back! I'm feeling myself out more, I've come to find that some stuff that used to squick me doesn't so much anymore, and I've come to feel like I'm allowed to rest without guilt, allowed to eat without being berated, and so on! Sammy's vet bill is my main concern, but Im thinking of opening coms again soon after I get some things figured out on how I wanna go about it and how I wanna change some stuff up! I'll link my Ko-fi here and on my pinned message for peeps who are curious on where to donate and such if you want! But don't feel pressured!

ko-fi.com/mommabean Im currently looking for pharmacy tech jobs, as I graduated a training school recently while sickly but still managed! I just dont have the PTCB yet, but I know I can apply for a certificate and work for about two years (or less? Ill re-look into it, things get messed up) before having to reapply and what not. (again, could be COMPLETELY off but the jist is im job hunting lol) No ones called back yet and while im hopeful, I also know how the job market is more of a dead internet thing at this point. Sorry for the ramble! Im just happy to talk and what not!

I hope you have a wonderful day bean <3 you're very sweet!

-Mommabean

[alaskan-wallflower]

sometimes i wish my brother and i got along better.

we were pitted against each other a lot as kids. it was always ‘your brother does this so why don’t you’. he was always smarter. braver. better. and it made me resent him.

i guess it’s my own fault. i’m the one who hated him. i’m the one who pushed myself to be better. i’m the one who made sure my schedule was packed full of classes t that even he couldn’t bear and all in the case that i wanted to be better. that’s all i wanted. i was selfish. i was arrogant and i saw our relationship as a competition and the only thing that came of it was that i resented him. i resented him for going to a prestigious school. i resented him for being better. and i’m the one who tore our relationship.

maybe i am just worthless. sometimes i wonder if my brother really is more important than me. he probably is. he’ll be something. i won’t. all my teachers told me he was gonna be president and what was i going to be?

i lied to everyone. i lied to my therapist and told the, that me and my brother were inseparable because that was what i wanted. i wanted a relationship that was unbreakable while the only one who was breaking it was me and my resentment.

i think he’d be better without me. maybe he’s glad he’s going to college because he can get away from me. i want to get away from me.

i’ve been told all my life that he’s smarter than me. hell, my own mom told me this morning that my brother is more approachable than me because ‘he would make friends no matter what room he went into. you’d hide in a corner away from everyone’. and i’d be damn pressed to say that didn’t hurt like hell. maybe i’m being sensitive.

i want to hurt. i keep thinking about relapsing or trying to restrict eating since it’s the only way i feel secure and like im in control.

i know no one would miss me. i’m useless. i’m worthless. maybe my dad would miss me but that’s it. sometimes he’s the only one i stay alive for. but im too much of a coward to do anything. i’m too much of a coward.

this is all my fault. i hate myself. i can’t do anything right and i wish that i could jist end it all because i don’t want to be here anymore. and i know my parents aren’t gonna be as sad when i leave. they’ve sung my brothers praises all summer-he’ll, they had a fucking wall dedicated to him and they kept telling me that this year wasn’t gonna be abiut me which i get cause he’s going away, but i know when i go away it’s not gonna be anywhere near the same. because im not smart or good enough. im just a coward who can’t even carry through her even more cowardly ideations. and that’s all ill ever be.

please don’t worry too much. i’m not going to do anything. i’m just going through a lot of mental hell. i don’t want to keep venting because i feel bad so please ignore this. i just needed to write it down.

[toointojoelmiller]

🦒🦋🦒hello tumblr people 🦋🦒🦋

just dropping a lil personal note which feels weird but

I can't make gifs on my current computer set up which makes me sad lol. it was so fun. I am also missing writing and posting my lil fics sooo much. ur girl is strugglin

and it's extremely hard for me to make progress on writing right now. I'm still swimmin my way through the constant chronic stress fog and PTSD shit and I am doing ~*~Better*~* in that I'm medicated and not actively crying 24/7 and I'm going to work full time again, but the coping is a struggle, the executive dysfunction is a struggle, the getting up to walk around if I'm not at work is a struggle, and work is about as demanding as it has been which uh, not chill. ... lots more I don't even feel like complaining about cause the bottom line is it all sucks ass lmao. you get the jist.

Please understand that my stories aren't abandoned, I pick away at them every night, I literally fantasize about being able to have the time to write enough to be making faster progress. I am so excited for where they are going and I have so much planned, and i just.. my brain noodle got cooked for too long.

my job involves pretty regular exposure to vicarious trauma and straight ass trauma ... so writing traumatic fic is hard sometimes too. (even tho I love it lol and sometimes it feels like therapy)

long story short, I am very good at twisting myself up in knots over what i imagine another person might feel and I know a lot of people have loyally followed please don't go and enjoyed it. I loved getting to interact so much and update so frequently, it was a huge source of fun and happiness for me that i loved for months and months! so I miss it, and it really sucks to feel like I'm leaving people hanging now.

but right now I just really need to focus on making sure i get don't get depressed again (mentally ill ones will know🤘) .

and I'm also very particular and when I rush out a chapter I never like how it turned out so.. I'm not gonna do that anymore. bleh. so... picture my future updates like a very small slug... very far away... crawlin but like give it a while

[yokakaiju]

doro modern(?) au

SPOILER WARNING + LONG POST BELOW CUT

i am so tired while writing this, so apologies if some of it doesnt make sense bleh.. i will happily answer any and all questions to the best of my ability tho!!

okay so ngl... it's really not that different from canon i think? i really don't know much abt my own damn au atm cause i mostly think of it during work and for some reason i literally NEVER write anything down?? idk why???

ALSO TO PREFACE!!! DESPITE HAVING READ DORO IN FULL ABT 4 TIMES NOW AND AM GOING ON A FULL YEAR OF HYPERFIXATION HERE SOON I HAVENT BRUSHED UP ON THE LAST 60-70 CHAPTERS IN A MINUTE SO SORRY IF I MAKE A STUPID MISTAKE!!!

this shit is all 100% subject to change later btw:

• genuinely just abt everything that took place in doro takes place in the past during this au, but not in the same way or with the same characters. ik some stuff 100% wouldnt make sense because of this, BUT BLEHH ILL FIGURE IT OUT LATERR!!! literally jist like.. remove everything involving aikawa and risu and replace it with violent social unrest or smth idk yet...

• ne way, this takes place 100 years after the kaiman holey fight, but in this au it wasnt our kaiman

• the sorcerer and human world have been permanately sealed off from each other since hole fight

• humans at this point dont necessarily believe sorcerers even exist anymore due to this, but the older generations (the few people who live to be like 80-100+) are still somewhat afraid of them and think that some may still be in hole (they are)

• abt hole and this is gonna need a lot of reworking, but like.. idk. basically some humans worship hole as a modern god, taking everything that happrned as absolute truth and churches sprung up around holey, worshiping large statues made of his bones and stuff. the statues do still work as they did in base doro, but they arent as widespread anymore? theyre way more popular with older people and thr newly religous folk, but most people see them as some sort of novelty at this point and they arent widely owned outside of churches and hospitals anymore

• the refuse lake also is back kinda? but its mostly a normal lake now, but the water is still extremely tar like in some parts so its still gated off

• in the socerer world, all information regarding humans and the hole have been banned from being spoken about or learned by the general public. personal doors are also prohibited to be used/learned to be used and anyone who CAN use them that uses them unsanctioned will face capitol punishment or smth. really only the devils and en family know abt hole and shit (theres more people of course, but these are details idk yet)

• n e way, in modern era nikaido and aikawa (sigh we will get to him last...) work together at the hungry bug still

• nikaidos story is literally almost exactly the same. she is still being pseudo hunted by the en family because they got word of a time traveling socerer like howveer long ago and are trying to hunt her down in secret (they dont know its her directly tho)

• kasukabe/haze is still just chillin tho. he is nearly unchanged, still wrote books on socerers (however they were written more historically for a while, then eventually he met haru and they became research/science based) snd took ai as an appretenice, but his work outside of human medicine is thought of as crackpot conspiricy talk or entirely fictional. him and haru are stil married/divorced, haru is also atill a devil and he still has a skin door to the sorcerer world

• ive had some ideas abt shin, mostly that his mom was killed alongside his dad after someone tipped off the  militia that there was somehow still sorcerers in the hole. they investigated their home for a bit and caught her using a door, so they raided the home and slaughted his family in front of him. from there shins story doesnt change much at all rn tbh

• the en family is still highly regarded and very opressive in the socerer world. they dont destroy schools anymore because duh no black powder, but they (with some devil influenece as well) heavily regulate what is taught. resistence against the en family, namely trying to learn about doors and hole, are cruely punished to show they arent fucking around, despite them still having acess to the hole and knowing (somewhat) the true events of what lead to them being separated

• i havent put much thought into the fate of the cross eyes in this au yet, but ive had some ideas? they arent the cross eyes (yet) but, they (our commanders + natsuki and risu) were low ranking memebers who are part of a resistance against the en family that attempts to fight their opression/censorship of history and some higher ups (not the commanders rn) are even trying to figure out how to make a door to the hole or smth

• this is abt all i have rn (im also super tired writing this ugh), so sigh... aikawa time i suppose... this part is gonna be long and confusing and 99% of everything ive talked abt so far was stemed from this, so heres a barely tldr tldr becase im probably making a seperate post when im not so tired. okay TLDR: ai was always disallusioned with being a human becauee his grandpa told him about sorcerers and magic and shit, so he fully bought into hazes entire catalouge of books taking thrm as gospel. eventually he meets haze and works under him, getting close enough to see some of his studies on sorcerer corpses. due to the corpses having smoke/black powder and were killed with hatred for their fellow sorcerers (they were killed by the en family), it starts to slowly affect ais young brain and the seed of a new hole have been planted blah blah, anyway he starts having horrific nightmares from the pov of hole from over a century ago and starts hearing shit cause hes already really mentally unwell. pretyu much from here it goes thr same as base doro for rn. he begs haze to help him become a sorcerer, he has all his plans snd shit tk make it work with the "fresh corpses" (either murders or bodies provided by haru) haze has access to, but haze refuses. ai just gets worse as time goes on, but him being a little emo freak he never actually vocalizes it, but as per cannon he decided to just force hazes hand. one night haze and ai were illegally hunting for potential relics of hole or the events surrounding that around the older parts of the refuse lake whrn ai ended up throwing himself into the tar. however instead of throwing himself in the refuse lake cause he needs a corpse he was compelled by hallucinations or smth to throw himself in. haze saves him and ends up doing the surgery om him blah blah literally its not that different from here, ai still "dies" and is buried he was also made of the 9(?) corpses so hes till got all his heads ans shit. when he rises this time tho instead of going to the sorcerer world he goes to haze again immediatly and begs him not to tell anyone. from here on haze hides him ot smth since he looks so different now no ones gonna recognize him or whatevs

this aint a fuckin tldr whoops. anyway uh.. ill make a seperate post abt aikawa/kai/EVERYONE ELSE IN THERE later cause i fell asleep twice writing that

please ask questions if you have any!! i will work on this more as time goes on i imagine and ill try to start actually writing ny ideas down now

[pascals-doll]

meet muñeca

nice to meet you ♡ °

>HOMEPAGE >MASTERLIST

—ⓘ unfiltered asf | social | work-driven

(thas the best way id describe my ass osrs)

thank you for clicking on my blog ! here's a little get to know me !

muñeca is what i go by on here but my real name is Melanie! but my people call me Mel ! i speak 3 languages (english, spanish, and Xocoa (my native language another form of NAHUATL ) !

i am mexican indigenous & born and raised in cali baby AKA xicana (chicana) 🩷 im 18 years old 彡 she/her and bisexual with a very very heavy preference for women !

my birthday is in late January BITCH IS A BIG AQUARIU$ ♒️ ☀️ | cancer 🌕 | virgo rising

i am a freshman in uni ! i have the cutest cat lol and currently employed full-time as i got my first big girl job not too long ago :) ! i often spend my weekends at my local tribal administration working with native youth its sm fun.

MY HOBBIES ARE— are danza (danza azteca is a practice for the indigenous people of mexico) its my meditation, besides writing. i try to go as much as possible to my practices i love it sm.

i love graffiti art, a little bit of spiritual practices, show-binger, embroidery, painting/sketching, cooking, i love music like i love all things music, scrapbooking, film/photography, shopping, and most of all video games !

i grew up with my dad having all types of video game consoles like the nintendo 64, gamecube, ps2 and 1, etc so i grew up with the love for games and was my biggest blessing growing up :)

i lately only been playing the sims and animal crossing cus of how busy i be ! one thing ill call myself is work-driven 😭.

i smoke my medicine and love of my life is that 💰my favorite color ? isn’t it obvious yet 💕 pink

EXTRA FACTS ✩

FAVORITE ARTISTS— kendrick lamar, j.cole, erykah badu, lana del rey, kali uchis, yung lean, the drums, 2PAC, MF DOOM, bryson tiller, brent faiyaz, childish gambino, kid cudi, & curren$y. when i tell you i listen to everything im not kidding but these are some of my favorite artists; they always finna b playing when im driving.

i had went to visit my dad and we hooked up our old ps3 and played OG TLOU tg and it got me nostalgic asff 🥲 when i first started THIS blog it was just a test-drive ? but not anymore teehee

i first started writing on tumblr in like late 2019 early 2020 😭 I WAS IN 8TH GRADE LOLLL it was about vampire diaries too, yeah that shit did not last long.

i thought ab it & i think its insane ppl trippin on minors for reading/writing smut when my ass was 13 logging onto wattpad soo IDGAF IDC IDGAF

my ass been 18+ since i was 12 i cant say shit LMFAO

I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH AND YOUR SUPPORT MAKES MY HEART SWELL UP

i am bad at talking about myself but i hope you babies were able to get a jist of my vibe and explained who i am as good as possible 😭!!

[soda-no-sugaruki]

Intro post

Hi so I’m Soda!!

I’m in my 20s

I’m Black + British

I use she/they pronouns (genderfluid)

Disabled and chronically ill

I created this blog to rant about things…. Esp the state of the UK government and what the hell is happening here.

My interests are: Danganronpa, Sanrio, Duffy and friends, Nintendo, Pokemon and figurine collecting. Currently trying to get back into the jist of watching anime (fuckin love Madoka Magica, Soul Eater and Haikyuu fr) despite my username, I do not like bleach anymore, I just stole it from an anti that was around a few years ago bc it was too cute of a username to belong to someone like that lmao

[berryblurbryarts]

THIS IS NOT VIO!

I REPEAT.

THIS IS NOT VIO.

─────────ೋღ 🌺 ღೋ─────────

I have a small au going on rn, still in the making, havent made many designs for it (too busy goofing off and writing lost in dysphoria)

Its another, link separate au, in other words Vio is not link, the four sword isnt one single sword blah blah, you get the jist.

─────────ೋღ 🌺 ღೋ─────────

This is Kuni, Vio's Father.

In this au theres gods.. Nshit.. Idk.. Early developing. (God let me perish pls)

Kuni passes on the power of earth to Vio, so while he used to be the oracle/controller for it, he isnt anymore. He has a good perception of time and an odd obsession with clocks.

Again idk. Early development.

─────────ೋღ 🌺 ღೋ─────────

The necklace around his neck is a gold chain with a locket on the tip, it has a photo of his wife, the priestess of nayrue. Sunna (dont hit me she was originally gonna be god of sun)

Normally he wears a witch hat but im big dumb and cant draw hat so, you get hair instead.

(His left eye (our right) has a clock design, ill reblog this post with his eye drawing when i get around to it.

─────────ೋღ 🌺 ღೋ─────────

Originally this was just a roleplay with me n my girlfriend so dont think anything of it. It probably wont take off at all.

[anonbinaryweirdo]

hai babi :3 oki selfship ask game,, do any ship yu want oki !! 🐶💞💋💐🎵😍💤 ✅ : would they kiss me/j

🐶 (what kind of pet would they get?): I could definitely see them getting kitties. Puppies, too, maybe ? I could see them both liking to indulge in a puppy's hyperness and whatnot, but also liking the peace and sprinkle of chaos brought with a kitty

💞 (how is affection expressed?): Through small fleeting words and actions, that feels like it's lingering; like they've been in that moment for way longer than how long they'd initially been embracing in the moment. Although, little needs to be said, this goes for the both of them, it's the little things that matter more than anything (they're both attention/affection-starved babies) <\3

💋 (favorite places to kiss their partner!): Cecilia likes to tease, she'll ghost a kiss over the corner of his lips, or his neck before biting down on it, just to see him get frustrated and start squirming before flicking her in the forehead for being so "annoying"

As for Wanderer? I feel he likes the way her lips feel against his when she kisses him back with love evident in the action, it makes him feel all warm inside. He probably likes to get her back with the neck kisses before the bites and then oh no now they're being all petty and competitive, trying to see who can catch their partner off their guard and do it most smh

They both fancy hand/palm kisses (id melt)

💐 (how did they meet?): when she broke into his office when she was nineteen to steal documents, and got away by kicking him in the face with her heel before escaping through the window from whence she came and managed to avoid him for two weeks

🎵 (song lyrics that remind you of your selfship!): very good question. ill come back to this after scrolling through the 1.3k songs in my playlist.

😍 (three favorite things about your f/o!) answered here!

💤 (do they sleep together? what are their sleeping habits?): Yes, they cannot go to sleep without ensuring that they're touching their partner somehow. Cecilia scared the fuck out of him the first few times she fell asleep, because she's so still, and you can hardly tell she's breathing (id be terrified too),,, She's also a super light sleeper, like, the sound of a leaf hitting the window could wake her up immediately (not really but you get the jist) She only really moves if she's having a nightmare, so he knows when somethings wrong

Wanderer's a light sleeper too, not as much as Cecilia, but he's a really alert sleeper, will wake up if he feels something wrong (like Cecilia moving her leg off of him in his sleep he'll wake her up and threaten her/j) He likes to pull the blanket over them to ensure she stays trapped (she's the kind of psycho who can sleep without a blanket shivers uncomfortably) They both wake up kind of early, but he prefers to sleep in, since he has no reason to get up for the Tsaritsa anymore or anything, but he literally cannot unless he pins Cecilia to the bed why are you waking up at six in the morning to go bake sit your ass down

✅: Cecilia would *lipbite* (only like on the cheek or wrist thou 😔 im an exception we're making out rn actually) but Wanderer would ridicule you for even having that thought in your mind like smh (again, im an exception/j)

[milkshakeworm]

ive lost many things cus my phone broke ive lost money ive lost pics and ive lost both twiter and my notes app so ignore and dont reblog plsss

i wanna block him out of everywhere its disgusting i dont like the spread of social media like i dont want people i know on my tumblr i cant post shit i like anymore nor like talk about my shit i dont want people i know on my twiter where do all the people that follow eachother everywhere post about how fucking disgusted they feel??? i tried journaling but thats too personal and i always write this as some short of help rrachout, even though i dont really espect anyone to reach nor really want anyone outside of the people i know but the formating does help and in thibgs that i know are private it feels useless and uncalledfor and i feel bad for it cause thats how i feel. People talk to their loved ones but im just so lonely, so so lonely I sometimes sit where the monsters in my nkght terrors used to stand to feel in company and god i miss my night terrors if i could go back to where i had them and trade them for the fucking shit i hear wide awake i would in a heartbeat i havent eaten anything in weeks im getting thin and my clothes don't fit me anymore it feels like shit my brown pants are not comfortable cause they are way too big now and none seems to notice all i get is you look the same i dont fucking look the same are you kiddinv me i havent put myself through all of this for yoj to tell me i look the same im unfuckable and disgusting im the worst part of skinny and i can feel my stomach eating itself. People around me trick me into buying food so theys can feel better about themselves not eating i refuse to eat again and less in front of you all i wakw up too early i dlnt study enough im never getting into film school and if i do that woukd b just prolonging the inevitable, that ill never write anything of value when my parents die ill be allne for good there is none there and im sensitive i have feeligs bigger than volcanos and bluer than sea and thers none in my life that will be there, i have this one friend she lives too far but i wish i could be around her forever one of her cats is my deity and i love her i jjst wish i could see her more. I feel so helpless the only person i talk to FUCKING IGNORES ME I want to block him bkt I'll miss him even if i hate him so much and its jjst some prove that im unfuckable and that bit does bother me im unfuckable but why i dont think im ugly and my body its disgusting to me but nlt to them why do they nlt want me why does none ever talk to me i dont even care about feelings im not even asking for someone to care and love me i jist want to be though for i hatemy life bit i dont want to die i jjst wish it went better im waisting my 17 studying and feeling like shit and nlt sleeping or eating but at least i play resident evil with my mom

[kusundei]

aside from that i keep feeling this weird. generalized insecurity. appearance wise.? ive never teally considered my appearance ever since like 7th gradei dont think. but its slightly. affecting me. i dotn knoe why im being insecure? ant why now??? maybe its the thing where i dont feel like i am. attractive perchance. it keeps aidinf into the thing of like. he likes me??? maybe its because i think hes so pretty to me. appearance was never truly an aspect in my eyes but hes just so gorgeous jt neger leaves my mind. perhaps im insecure ab that. and perhaps im neber truly going to beat the ed allegations because mayhe i am focusing on my weight agajn slightly. im trying to fight it i swear, it jsut pops into my head and i fuck myself over by checking my weight every so often. as slightly upset as i was over my mom starting to lock her door (half of it affecting me as in . the conversation i pverheard that day that ruined my relationship eith my mom for the second time, or the other half where i just cant weigh myself) its so odd. perhaps my lhpne too. the horrible camera quality?? idk. just feeling veey odd lately. like i am the ugliest person pn the planetfor no reason but i dont believe anyone is truly ugly. its just so. odd.? its not even a dysphoria thing thjs tjme its jhst. me. me hating myself again for no reason. god forbid im too insecure,,

its just like. god. i want to be evrrything for him. i cant truly elaborate nor explain how truly infatuated i am with him. fhe shit id sacrifice. how i want to spend truly every moent eith him. how id drop anything and everythint in a heart beat to just be there. but then i feel so selfish. i feel like too much and j feel insecure and i cant fight the feeling. its horrible rifht now because im jist. laying here. in his hoodie. typing. listening to my tweaking playlist but not crying anymore. i just. want to be there. as selfish as it sounds i just want to be there right now because i want to hug him. i want him to tell me ill be okay and im not selfish or a burden. that im okay to feel things. that i can be vulnerable with him and id truly believe it without a doubt in my mind. to just cry. and feel it. to be treated with a gentleness ive never experienced before. to be comfortable. he fills me with a comfort ive never felt before yet im so scared to embrace it whole heartedly. im afraid. im always so scared and im sick of it, but i cant stop feeling that way. to trust him as blindly as i did with jd because i know he truly cares im just. so scared pf driving him away.? god forbid i am truly selfish and horrible at my core , he just doesnt know it yet anf im scared to show that. scared to show who i am truly. but then i think ablut it and rationalize and realizd no im not horrible? but i keep going back and forth. its just so. tiring. i want to be there for him because i know . i know and i understand . and i want to only be there for him. to not have to burden him with me and my feelings but i also am just . a selfish person .

i know it poebablt doesnt sound very selfish truly i just. feel that way. anything i do for myself is so selfish to me. ive been selfish my whole life. called selfish when all ihe ever tried to do is be selfless and cate for others. tp put others first before everything. to not tale up space. to just be but to not truly exist. to impact people but not leave my footprints behind. to care but not to be loved. i am sick. i feel sick. i feel selfish. i just want to be able to feel things without condemning myself i think. fo leabe the insecurity behind and be pkay for you but im . so scared. sososo scared. its terrifying. i just. truly. i wishyoy were here. i wish you were but im also glad youre not. that youre not seeing me like this. as pathetic as i can get but i also want you to. i want you to help me, but not eben just help i just want you. i want you over and over again and i think this is as selfish as ill ever truly get. thag i want you this much. that it physically hurts me. i just am feeling so torn now. and so. so tired. inwant to cry but i cant. i want to cry in your arms but thats so selfish. i wish i could stop being such a selfish person perchance, but god forbid i just. need you. and god forbid youre texting me and telling me you love me truly and im jsjt. god. all i want sometimes (all the time) is to just bury my face into your neck. to feel your arms around me and to intertwine myself against you too. to take in every inch of you. to feel your heartbeat against mine - to pull back and have your touch and your smell still linger on me. to feel truly at peace despite how bad i can be sometimes. how selfish i am to want to be anything at all for you. to want you. to need you. but its all i can truly think about always

i feel fucking awful

no bcuz i dont know whatsbhappening. i felt it halfway during photography and i just assumed i ws really tired and i am but god. osmethjng horrible js happenjng . god forbid i am connected to my boyfriend and we r linked. doomed to tweak atthe same time. and i feel awful bcuz why do i feel so shit when he does too. and wby does my mom keep pesterjng me??? i come in to be lashed and j expected it but also like god fhckjng forbid i feel awful. leave me be. why are you lashing me? and why do u leep bringing yp joanthan? like yeah him bekng upset eill sway me but god i just fuckinf cant. and she forced me to eat and i feel horrible because i am so full. god flrbid i will never beat thjs. i am doomed to have such a horrible relatiknship with food and j am doomed to hurt over and over again and god why do i feel so sososoawful??? i need them to leave. they said they would for the ultrasound. i need them to go so i cantweak in peace and just. cry. i want to cry so bad as much as i hate saying jt cuz its so embarassing but god i neeed. to sob. or somethjng. tweaking (winter) playlist is playing anyway and i feel so awful i need to. maybe it really is jdjt be feeling really tired but i need thjs to go. i nedd it gone i sont want to fesl like this chat

[cherrysnax]

Joy, Honey Havens?? They looked really cool on ur phillyverse oc lineup!!!

ahhh this got rlly long but im on mobile so i cant rlly do anything about it 😔

Honey Havens/Hani Halabi/Hex

joy

1. What makes them happy? Honey is one of my relatively happier characters as of late.. because she‘s just baby; so a lot of things make them happy. But especially he really loves getting new comic books (specifically when they’re about Philadelphia‘s own Flock, or eventually about some of the superheroes close to them). Using his magic to mundane things fills him with a giddy feeling as well. Being the human alarm clock, since he doesn’t sleep, and seeing all the grumpy looks on his teammates faces. Her team makes her happy, obviously; they’re like a little messed up family. Headscarves with flowers also make them happy and when people offer to help him decorate his hijab, he’s on cloud nine. He also loves food! If you offer him Five Guys,, he trusts u with his life.

2. Who makes them happy? There’s a lot of special people in Honey‘s life, his team, the other mutants and magic users at his school, but four specific people that make them the happiest. The first and most important is her older foster sister Kawhi, who‘s been with him ever since he was 10.

They have each other‘s backs on everything and honestly, if Honey had never met Kawhi... they‘d be a very different person. Then there‘s retro; who at the time was under disguise. Retro was the first person outside of Honey‘s foster family to want to talk to him, with actual good intentions! Honey sees retro as a cool older sister figure, and was elated when Retro decided to stick with him, Kawhi and the rest of their family full time! Then there‘s Honey‘s boss and teacher Nyla- the first person who really understands Honey‘s powers and helps him on his journey to a powerful mutant who may be Honey‘s only hope to knowing the extent of his magical abilities.

The last person who makes Honey happy is the second soul living inside of him, even if they usually are the cause of his problems ;;. It takes a while for him to understand their presence, even longer for the two to get along, but it’s clear that they’ve been protecting Honey since she was just a baby. The two would do anything for each other.

3. Are there any songs that bring them joy? The song “Everything Stays“ reminds them of their sister, so they associate it with being happy, even of the song is a bit sad.

4. Are they happy often? Honey is content often, but true happiness is hard to come by, even for them. They pretend to be, though. It’s easier that way.

5. What brings them the most joy in the world? One would think that it‘d be being a vigilante or getting better at magic, but honestly? It‘s just being around their family after a good patrol and everyone is still high on adrenaline and alive. That‘s when everything just feels... right.

ask me about my ocs

[sick-as-a-dog]

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[zackcollins]

Hi! How are you? Was just wondering if you've got any fics in the works rn? Miss reading your stuff💙

Hi! I've been super distracted recently because my brain decided to hyoerfixate on redesigning/redecorating my Animal Crossing island. But! I can most certainly take a break from it tomorrow and start working on some doc's again. The island has been frustrating me the last couple days anyways so I think it would be good to step away for@ and work on other things again.

I'll try to have a fic done as soon as possible because I have been missing writing. I'm just busy today or I'd start right now.

I'll do the best I can to have it done for you though, promise!!

[tiredsadpeach]

Idk just trying to get my thoughts straight but probably gonna bring up a lot of sensitive topics in the tags you’ve been warned