#if i don't do it in similar conditions to exam

[anaalnathrakhs]

german assignment is kicking my ass

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey sex witch- possibly weird one. While I enjoy flicking the bean as much as the next guy, that's like...all I can do. For years I've tried fingering myself and I just can't do it. I feel like I'm gonna barf every time like it makes me immediately turned off. Have I been doing it wrong this whole time? Or is it like a mental thing? I can't use tampons for similar reasons- makes me feel sick and it hurts. I've never been to a gyno despite being in my late 20s bc I'm terrified of the idea of someone poking around down there...virgin for the same reasons. Any advice? Thanks!

hi anon,

it sounds like you just profoundly dislike penetration. the solution to that is pretty simple, which is to just Not Do That. jack off other ways, use other methods of menstrual collection, etc. having been pretty unimpressed by vaginal penetration for years, I can attest that the Not Doing That method works pretty great.

what you're describing doesn't sound entirely dissimilar to vaginismus, a condition in which involuntary vaginal spasms occur in response to penetration and make it painful and, sometimes, outright impossible. vaginismus can sometimes stem from negative experiences or other adverse psychological reactions, and is sometimes purely a physical response. sometimes it's a combination of the two; bodies are complex! regardless of the cause, many people find their vaginismus to be extremely treatable with counseling and/or physical therapy involving the use of vaginal trainers, which essentially help practice penetration with vaguely dildo-shaped objects in steadily increasing sizes. regardless of whether or not one has vaginismus, trainers can be helpful for anyone interested in increasing their options for comfortably putting things in their vaginas.

I also want to add, crucially, that you aren't under any obligation to change any of this if you don't want to. it's fine to have a vagina and not want anything inside of it. the only thing I see here that causes any concern is the avoidance of some preventative healthcare, which I would strongly recommend consulting with healthcare providers about to discuss your options. I've heard from many people who lack of sexual partners + and aversion to vaginal penetration has meant their healthcare provider concluded that their risk factors were low enough that they were fine to skip the exam, and some procedures that can be performed via invasive exam can also be done with an ultrasound. there are options, I promise.

and speaking of options, re: your being a virgin I would like to lovingly point out that if partnered sex is something you're interested in and feel that you're missing out on, sex can be whatever you want it to be and doesn't ever need to involve penetration if you're not interested in that.

[studyandsteep]

subject-specific studying: math

this is the first part of my newest series, subject-specific study tips. please enjoy & check out my other posts :)

there is no "easy" way to succeed in math. the first thing you need to recognize is that math is the hardest subject you have, meaning you need to spend the most time on it. there aren't any easy hacks to help you here.

practice, practice, practice. the goal in math is to learn, not memorize. the only way to succeed in math is by practicing questions over and over again until you have completely understood the material.

do not leave a single stone unturned or you will regret it lol. even if you don't understand a small, tiny, seemingly irrelevant detail i guarantee you it will be on the test.

always ask your teachers questions. preferably ask them in class, because there will be someone who has the same questions as you, but after class works too. just make sure to write them in a notebook so you can remember the questions.

redo the homework, focusing on the hardest questions. most of the time your test will be harder than the homework. go over all your homework and select the most difficult questions to solve.

time yourself. make sure you can solve the problems under a time constraint, one similar to the test. not only do you need to get each problem correct, you also need to do so under time constraints.

review previous and new work before going to class. even if you don't understand it, always try to stay on top of what you're doing. seeing the material previously helps reinforce it better.

sleep well. before every math class, make sure you're alert and awake, because math classes move fast.

create a practice test by taking questions from online, past exams, and homework. try creating testing conditions similar to the test using the same time constraints and even testing in the same time of day. make it as accurate to the actual test as possible.

[aandvarchaeology]

I’m studying archaeology at the moment and I didn’t get into my university’s field school this year as I have not super good grades from being chronically ill and having three knee surgeries while at university so far and its just mentally upsetting. But I’m still dedicated to doing archaeology and I was wondering what advise the two of you had for students? Love reading about what you both do btw

Hi Anon, Mod V answering here :D. Mod A is currently on sick leave and will add his thoughts as soon as he is better. First of all - thank you for the compliment! And second of all - that really sucks, and I'm so sorry for you. Also, I hope I can even give you any good tips, because I have to preface the following advice segment by saying that I don't have any experience with university systems outside of Germany (besides what I learned from tumblr osmosis, which is not a lot), and the fact that you mentioned that you have a MINIMUM GRADE REQUIREMENT to get into a FIELD SCHOOL is a pretty big clue that you're not based in Germany. Because we don't do either of that shit here.

(click on read more for advice I hope is maybe a little bit relevant to your situation)

If you were in Germany, my advice would be pretty simple: Go to your university's disability rep (because you qualify for accomodations [I hope that's the correct word, in German "Nachteilsausgleich", literally compensation for disadvantages] both for the chronic illness and the bum knee), milk your situation for all it's worth, then put in a request for a semester off due to health reasons, during that semester do everything you can to heal up your knee and maybe revise some of your notes and do some reading, come back in 6 months stronger and with better grades. Which you wouldn't need to get into a German field school, because field basics are part of your university curriculum here and your uni organizes teaching excavations that you maybe need a passing grade in Grabungstechnik [lit. excavation technique, I'm sorry I don't know what the subject equivalent in English would be] for, but that's usually it. Also, take advantage of university mental health counseling.

But, I'm guessing (because most Engish speaking countries have MUCH higher tuition costs that here) that taking a semester off isn't an option. Regardless, some of my advice stays the same, starting with: Know your rights. Here in Germany, if you have a disability (defined as any sort of illness or condition that keeps you from functioning at average person levels for longer than 6 months), universities are legally obligated to get you some kind of help for that. If you have dyslexia, you're entitled to more time on exams. If you're a wheelchair user, you're entitled to lectures in rooms that you can actually reach. If you have migraines, you're exempt from compulsory attendance. You get it. I would very very strongly recommend finding out if your country and/or your university have something similar.

Even if there isn't - tell your profs that you're having difficulties. You don't have to go into detail, you don't have to reveal anything personal, but showing up to office hours, saying something along the lines of "due to illness that makes it hard for me to do X I struggle with Y aspect of the coursework", and asking for help (I would recommend going into the conversation with some reasonable idea what that help could look like, for example if you're hard of hearing asking the prof to speak facing the classroom and keep a seat near the front free for you) will often either get you an accomodation or an extra assignment to boost your grade (if you struggle with something like chronic fatigue or depression and extra assignments would make your grade worse, tell them if they offer you any). If there is a such thing as a Fachstudienberatung [lit. Subject-specific advisor, basically someone who you can go to who will help you with admin stuff like exam credit and your schedule but not a secretary, again, I really don't know how universities outside of Germany work] at your university, that may also be someone worth talking to.

My personal, subjective advice for studying with chronic illness and/or disability in general: Make peace with the fact that it will most likely take you a lot longer than your peers to reach the same degrees. I've been studying for my bachelor's for five years (not joking). That doesn't mean I'm going to be or am a worse archaeologist than anybody else. It simply means it took me longer. And once you have your degree, I promise no employer on earth will care. (How do I know this? I spent 3 days at the beginning of October last year being repeatedly told by about 50 professionals from any and every field imaginable that nobody cared that THEY took 2-7 years longer than they should have to get their bachelor's/master's/doctorate.) It's also important not to compare yourself to others doing it faster. I know this is hard, but again, it really doesn't matter (except on a financial level) (which, I realize, may be a lot bigger thing for you than it was/is for me).

Try to take advantage of any accomodations offered to you, even if you're embarrased to do so. Try to make as many friends as you can, involve yourself in as many clubs and organizations as you can. University contacts can become business contacts in a few years, and even if not - in Germany we say "geteiltes Leid ist halbes Leid". Dealing with hard things, as studying with a chronic illness is, is easier when you're not alone. Also: Do everything you can to show your profs that you're trying. Go to office hours, take part in class discussions, ask questions even if you think they're dumb, do your absolute best for assignments. Even if your grades are bad, if you show you're trying your absolute hardest, your profs will want to give you a leg up. I know you're probably already doing all that you can. The key word is "show" - literally go to office hours and say that you are. Make yourself visible.

Now, for my advice for field work with chronic illness, a knee that you needed multiple surgeries on, and grades so bad you didn't get into field school. First of all, unless you're literally on your last semester and you won't graduate if you don't do it, I wouldn't even think about field school at the moment. I hope I'm not ripping the proverbial bandaid off too harshly when I say that, for excavating, a knee that is in any way not healthy is bad. There is a lot of kneeling involved in digging. That is NOT to say that you should give up your field ambitions, but it IS to say that, when you do go into the field, you should a) be VERY sure your knee is healed, and b) be EXTREMELY careful not to hurt yourself again while working. Where- and whenever you do your field work qualifications, make sure the person in charge knows about your knee condition and lets you take breaks. If they don't do that, leave.

That being said, field work, even commercial field work, isn't all digging. If you do your field school and find that digging is something that just isn't sustainable long term, there are options. Archaeology is steadily working toward integrating more and more geophysical prospecting methods, like geoelectrics and geomagnetics, and lots (if not most) of commercial archaeological companies (at least here in Germany) are integrating them as well. 3D scanning technologies for heritage conservation are gaining more and more importance. So are mapping techniques with ArcGIS, QGIS and CAD-programms. Just to name a few things. And even outside of field work, archaeology is a pretty broad field. My advice for digging would be - make sure your knee is as healed as possible, try it, but don't "hang your heart on it", as we say in Germany.

Beside digging, I would STRONGLY encourage you to do a little bit of career orientation. I'm not saying this because I think you "won't make it" digging (also I do not think that), this is not "just" advice for you or any other chronically ill or disabled student of archaeology reading this, I truly believe this is one of the most important things you can possibly do during your university career. In Germany, you have to do you career orientation yourself unless you're really lucky and your university offers a seminar on structures in archaeological work and teaching or something, I don't know how it is at your university - if they have a service or a job fair or anything like that, USE IT. If not, there may be conferences - in Germany we have ARCHAEOworks and ARCHAEOskills. (ANY GERMAN ARCHAEOLOGY STUDENTS READING THIS: GEH DA HIN UND NIMM DEINE KOMMILITON*INNEN MIT.) Google them, find them, go there, talk to people. I cannot overstate how important this is.

Another thing to consider is that you can get field work experience through other means than a field school. (I'm talking about internships.) (I'm also really hoping that there isn't some sort of law against interning on archaeological excavations where you live.) The pros of internships are, of course:

You don't have to pay for them.

In fact, YOU might get paid!

Most archaeological firms don't care about your grades, they care about cheap labour and that's what you are as an intern.

You're much more likely to get insights into what actual day-to-day work looks like than at a field school or a teaching excavation.

You have an opportunity to establish first business contacts.

If you do a good job a company might make you a job offer, whether that be now or for when you graduate.

There is a lot more variety to choose from than there is in field schools (Do an internship at a museum! Do an internship at a conservation lab! Whatever takes your fancy!).

Depending on your university, an internship might count towards your degree as an alternative to field school.

In Germany, there is also the option to just...work at an archaeological excavation, either as a volunteer or as a working student. Both ways, you even get paid. I've heard through the grape vine that this may not be an option in some other countries, but hey - asking doesn't hurt!

Lastly, I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark and guess that you might be...U.S. American? and tag @chaotic-archaeologist, who can surely tell you much more about managing field schools and disability in the U.S. than I can, and might be so friendly as to correct me if I advised you to do anything illegal above. Any archaeologists from other English-speaking countries who have experience with these problems, please also feel free to add on! I wish you the best of luck, Anon, and I truly hope Archaeology will work out for you. Keep us updated if you want, we would love to hear how it's going from time to time!

[fatuismooches]

Good day! Life is the definition of stress for me lately, so i turn to Dottie x Fragile!Reader for comfort once more. I hereby present you: bathtime!

Just before i begin - NO NSFW! Only wholesomeness! Horny will automatically have their names added to test subjects volunteers list!

Reader's mysterious sickness got worse over time. Fragile body forced them staying in bed and prevented them from completing even the simplest mundane activities, such as eating or showering. But it's no fun staying in sweaty bed, is it? So, while segments are busy changing sheets, Zandik brings his beloved to bathroom.

Let's address the obvious - reader would get extra shy. It's not the first time Zandik sees them naked, taking all physical health exams into consideration. However, man is more than willing to look away and wait - he will avoid looking at the Reader if that's what they want.

Bath time feels like luxurious spa complex. Scented bath bombs? Check. Bath bubbles? Check. Soothing music playing in the background? Check. Shoulders massage? Check. Hair-washing? Check.

Speaking of the latter, Zandik's long, slim fingers rubbing shampoo into reader's hair brings them euphoria. He's so gentle with every movement, careful not to get any bubbles into his dear's eyes. Zandik also uses shampoo of his own making (perks of being the all-knowing scientist!). If Reader's hair was greasy and messy before, once the bathtime is over, you bet their locks are smooth to the touch and extra soft.

Man would make sure the Reader has been fully dried off. He'll also personally dry their hair with hair dryer (...does Teyvat have hair dryers? Idk. Assume it's something similar then.), so they don't catch cold that could further worsed their condition! Once the spa procedures are done, Zandik will have reader dressed in fresh pyjamas and wrapped in a bathrobe, cuddled in his arms - he will then carry them bride-style back to bedroom where a bed with fresh sheets and a segment with a mug of hot chocolate was waiting for them.

Cuddles and kisses afterwards are a major part of whole bathtime procedure! Must not be skipped!

BATH TIME WITH DOTTORE. <3 Your illness frequently rendered you unable to do even the simplest of activities, most importantly the basics of living. Or perhaps your mental state was not the best and you could not bring yourself or find the energy to take care of yourself. But at least you have your lovers with you to do that when you can't yourself.

No matter how many times your husband sees you nude you still get a bit anxious about it, you know he loves you. But you still can't help but look in the mirror and wonder if he notices even more imperfections than you, after all, his eyes are very observant. However every time, he patiently holds and reassures you in his own Dottore-like very, despite how many times you two have done this same routine, he doesn't seem annoyed. You're thankful.

Dottore had honestly never used or cared for such extraneous products in the bath, he never saw the point of them. He always got in and out of the shower, he never exactly relaxed in it. It was only until you started using fancy stuff like that and forcing him into it that he started to warm up to the idea of bath time also being relaxing time (something both of you really need.) And he can easily see that this is something you need right now. However, he is clueless by himself so he probably found himself at the mercy of the Damslette and Regrator much to his dismay... but, it's for you, so he can endure...

Dottore's hands are very skilled, certain areas of his work require great control over them to avoid any mistakes, so it's not surprising in itself for them to be gentle and delicate. However, what is surprising is for that gentleness to be used on another person. It wasn't easy for him at first either, he loves you but being gentle doesn't come easily or naturally for him. But he still does try and it seems that eventually, you get so lost in the feeling of his fingers massaging your scalp that you don't notice if he messes up. I imagine you'd try to return the favor too if you have the strength. Unfortunately, it gets into his eyes but he has zero reaction to it for your sake.

After the bath, you would feel so warm and fuzzy from how good it felt, but most importantly you felt that Zandik cared, which was always very important for you. Sure, he wasn't the world's most perfect lover, but you didn't care about that. All that mattered was that he tried, and that he loved you. (He invented Teyvat's first and only hair dryer. End of story.) You'd nearly fall asleep as he dries your hair, barely hanging on by the time he dresses you in something warm. But you can't fall asleep now! You have to stay awake and treasure this moment with him! It's not often opportunities like this arise with your Zandik! And you have to be awake to feel all the kisses you'll get!

(His cup of hot chocolate definitely has a little too much marshmallows in it...)

[eileennatural]

i am once again thinking about killua and nanika

like I can't stop thinking about how much they are the same. Like nanika really kind of mirrors killua's emotional/personal arc throughout the series. thinking about the traits they share like...

pre-canon, both killua and nanika are tools. people (their family) are cruel to them, and they are made to enact cruelty onto others. the only difference is that killua can be controlled while nanika can't be. killua 'earns' his 'freedom' by virtue of him being much easier to manage/manipulate. nanika, on the other hand, cannot be managed so she and alluka are shut away permanently.

killua and nanika are largely beholden to the will of others -- for killua, its through illumi's needle as well as years of isolation, conditioning, and abuse by his family, and for nanika its in her nature.

but when they find someone who treats them like kids, or friends rather than monsters or a means to an end, when they're not being made to hurt others, killua and nanika both give freely and ask for very little in return.

killua, over and over, makes gon's 'wishes' come true, even if its at cost to himself. gon, kurapika, and leorio all pass the hunter exam because killua breaks a rule, ensuring the victory of everyone else there. he takes gon to heavens arena so he can train to beat hisoka, he agrees to help kurapika fight the phantom troupe because gon wants to help kurapika, he helps gon win greed island, and he gives everything to help gon beat the chimera ants. and all killua asks in return is that he be allowed to stay by gon's side. gon very rarely verbally asks or demands anything of killua (which some people portray as a sign of his selfishness, or that he takes for granted that killua will do whatever he wants, but i digress) but killua gives regardless because what gon has given to killua means so much to him --freedom, his friendship, his company, his trust, and his open and verbal affection.

nanika, in turn, fulfills all of killua's wishes and asks only for his love in return -- that he hug her, pat her head, and tell her she's good. She never makes cruel demands after killua's wishes because he never makes self-interested wishes, he never makes her hurt anyone for him. even as a child, he treated nanika like just another little sister, asking her to play with him and to fulfill the kinds of wishes she likes to do, such as healing people/animals.

killua (for most of the series) and nanika don't really have concrete goals or objectives of their own beyond securing love and affection by being useful to their favorite person (codependency twins !)

of course, killua and nanika are both eventually betrayed and incredibly hurt by their person, because that's just how codependent relationships play out, especially among people as young and emotionally immature and traumatized as gon, killua, and nanika are.

all of this culminates in maybe my favorite scene of the series, where killua realizes that he's hurt nanika in a similar way that gon have very recently hurt him, and also that by shutting nanika away, he's really just repeating their parents' abuse of her. so he doesn't just apologize, but he demonstrates that he knows why what he did is wrong, and why he did it, and promises never to do it again.

i only wish we cold have seen gon's apology :/

[ragde890]

Hunter x Hunter 407 commentary and pseudoanalysis

It's ambiguous whether Morena has chosen Borksen because she is the specialist Dogman was looking for or because of her connection to Tserriednich (and she has a plan to kill him that needs her in particular or anyone within that group of friends).

The latter is much more likely, though. Remember that in chapter 394, Morena talks about ‘recruiting’ one of Tserri's personal guards. We don't know if she has already succeeded, but recruiting one of her childhood friends as well makes sense given that context.

In any case, Morena's request is, of course, that Borksen joins her and becomes part of Contagion (unless Borksen's last card is a ‘no’, in which case the request will simply be the opposite, so as to end with the same result), but it will certainly be deeper than that.

Borksen is like a ‘matching organ donor’, so either her nen type or her particular conditions will serve a hyper-specific niche that Morena needs for her plan (which we don't know in detail yet).

It is impossible to deny the subtext in the concept of the card game, which also aligns with that of Morena's abilities and backstory. Morena is Nasubi's bastard daughter, and it's clear that that is what has caused all the pain she has suffered since her conception, and has also shaped her role in life (she would not be leader of Heil-Ly otherwise, as the leaders of the three Kakin mafias are, by tradition, the king's bastard children). In the card game, there's a ‘parent’ role and a ‘child’ role, and they must face each other in a very specific way. Lines of dialogue such as these, which on a completely literal level allude exclusively to the game, are no coincidence either:

Her own Hatsu, Contagion, also has a certain parental aspect to it. After all, its use is to give skills to her followers and guide them through the process of growth.

The same can be said about the line "I am my own subject".

It's a grammatical clarification, the purpose of which -at face value- is to provide a consistent way of dealing with double negations during the game. However, it is also a statement of her intentions as a person. And this, again, is reflected in her Hatsu: Morena is a part of Contagion and levels up like everyone else, so she's literally her own subject.

Regarding the whole grammatical discussion, this resource I found on Reddit helps to understand why it was so important to establish a standardised type of response to negative questions (TLDR; how to answer them is more ambiguous in japanese than in other languages):

Another interaction that I find interesting is the one where Borksen thinks ‘What in the world is she so angry about?’, while Morena's expression is a smile, implying that Borksen is able to see through Morena's artificial facade and her feelings are transparent to her.

This is easily justified when rereading chapter 394, where Borksen has exactly the same habit of trying to camouflage her feelings with a fake smile (although she doesn't do it much, and she is, in fact, very expressive otherwise).

All of that aside, the idea of using a card game to ration exposition about Morena and her intentions while creating a tense situation, adding variety with something different to the fights we've been seeing and exploring the themes of the arc is simply superb. The very development of the showdown itself is guaranteed to have a level of mind games similar to what we've seen in battles like Chrollo VS Hisoka. Togashi will also be highly motivated to write it, as he himself has expressed before how much he enjoys creating card and board games:

He also made the ‘Hunter Exam Marathon Hell’ mini board game when Greed Island was published. And in the 2016 interview with Kishimoto, he said that one of his ideas after finishing Hunter x Hunter was to make a card fighting series (he also mentioned his admiration for Fukumoto, author of Kaiji).

As for what to expect future chapters, the room they are in is the same room Nobunaga and Hinrigh saw in chapter 399. This is evident if we compare this panel from chapter 407 (left) with the one from 399 (right):

Based on this, we can assume that Phinks and Feitan will eventually break into the room, although not necessarily during the game. This is possibly what Morena is alluding to when she reiterates that the longer the situation goes on, ‘the more dangerous it will be for both sides’:

Morena knows this because, as the previous chapter already established, Wang (Cha-R's underboss) is a traitor, and he must have been giving her information about the Spider's actions this whole time.

I hope that the next chapter will be the game itself. We've had several chapters now where each one is a change of scene rather than a direct continuation of the previous one (although they do expand situations presented in the previous chapter), but a scene change now would make me a bit sad. I'm very hyped for the card game, to be honest.

[astralleywright]

You're so right about people who never really engaged with Imogen as a character.

I remember seeing posts asking why Imogen didn't leave Gelvaan earlier, and would suggest it was because of some sort of 'learned helplessness'?

She's a telepath! Her powers would follow her wherever she went! Sure, Gelvaan was awful to her, but she doesn't have much better alternatives. She could either a) leave her only family member to live the same life in another town or city (physically painful, and only better if they don't discover her powers), or b) totally isolate herself from everyone, and provide for herself...somehow. She was already very alone before meeting Laudna and was pretty deeply unhappy about it.

Idk. I'm not even particularly good at themes and deep reading but this was just surface level understanding of her powers, and people weren't even willing to do that.

the "learned helplessness" thing really kind of is the ideal example for the very dumb way the fandom uses autonomy, discursively, as kind of an all or nothing deal. because learned helpfulness is a thing, and i would fully believe it's something Imogen experienced in her time in Gelvaan. but as you pointed out, it's usage here puts the blame squarely on her, while ignoring the societal and environmental factors that made life in Gelvaan difficult and would have likely made it difficult anywhere else.

this is an extension of an incredibly punitive, carceral culture and logic in fandom, something that's changed face over time but never really left. Laudna didn't try to take Ishta because Delilah preyed on her grief and trauma and anger to stroke her jealousy and arcane addiction and feelings of powerlessness and worthlessness and fear that she'll be abandoned if she can't be useful, no. she did it because she's a bad person. she did it because she needs to make everything about herself and loves playing the victim and she's greedy and too dangerous and totally the one in the queer housing group who won't do the dishes because she has "dish-related trauma", am i right guys. she did it because it doesn't matter why Laudna did it, she needs to be called out and held accountable, and anyone who tries to explain her actions or sympathize with her or defend her against the most cruel and untrue comments is coddling her and erasing her agency and thinks she was completely in the right. and they're probably a misogynist. or even worse, a misandrist.

it's also an extension of fan resistance to the existence of oppressed-oppressor relationships or just general power dynamics in Exandria wherein parties they sympathize with or project onto act as the oppressor, ranging from the Gods to the people of Gelvaan. these parties, in turn, will have their agency obfuscated while the harmed is laid bare. the most obvious, and infuriating, examples of this in CR fandom are the suggestions that Opal and Dorian are responsible for their victimization by the Spider Queen, because Opal chose to put on the crown and Dorian was, uh, there with his brother? i've repeatedly seen those things presented as incidents that can't be blamed on the gods, really, because Opal and Dorian had any modicum of free will. as if the Spider Queen accidentally stumbled into creating an evil corruption crown or killing Cyrus. she can't help it, she's just being Lolth!

which takes us back to Gelvaan, and the idea that Imogen was suffering from some "learned helplessness" that was a purely internal failure and not the result of any external conditions. i joked on that other post abt Liliana being the final exam in a class many people had been failing from the start, and like, yeah, being able to understand "Imogen suffered in Gelvaan for reasons that were not solely or mostly her fault and would have been the same or similar elsewhere" feels like one of those early pop quizzes. and at this point, it's like, idk. sorry that you can't enjoy the beautiful, bittersweet mother daughter reunion bc you were too concerned with ideas of personal responsibility 100 episodes ago to properly empathize with Imogen. skill issue tbh

[sorakazeno]

Sailor Stars Episode 176 Concept Script

Finally another concept script from the Stars season! This one features Seiya too.

The title of the series was finally determined but there is still no cover art.

Tentative tile is "Conditions for Idols".

Title was later changed to "Fighter's Secret Identity: The Shocking Super Transformation".

No art on the back cover.

Seiya and Taiki was listed on the first page. Section under their names listed them as the idol group, Three Lights. One the next page it lists the Starlights separately. I find this all very interesting. No cast are listed for any of the Starlights/Three Lights.

Page 1. The director tells Seiya if can't do any better he will never have the lead role in the musical. This reminded me of episode 194 with the famous phrase of "Am I not good enough?"

Page 2. Seiya feels singled out and is angry. Next scene is inside the classroom. The girls are taking the exam. Usagi is trying to work on her exam too.

In the anime, the girls not shown in the episode here at all. Usagi is chewing on her pencil and then hears a frustrated Seiya behind her. Seiya has a flash back of the conversation.

The bell rings and the teacher wants to collect the exam. Usagi's answer sheet is empty. Seiya yells out and Usagi asks him what is wrong. Next scene, Usagi and Minako vow to retake the exam together.

In the anime, Seiya slams his hand on his desk and yells "damn it" before resting his elbows on the desk. Yaten looks amused at Seiya's struggle as the bell rings for class. Similar scene with Minako and Usagi but it takes place in front of the school not by where their lockers are for shoes.

Page 4. Usagi and Minako are worried about repeating the year. Seiya, Yaten, and Taiki appear out of the school. Seiya claims to be depressed. Usagi comments on his test score. Yaten mentions the musical Seiya is struggling with. Minako is all excited about a musical.

In the anime, Seiya appears telling Yaten and Taiki its like they don't care and some friends they are. Pretty much the same.

Page 5. Minako explains what a musical is to Usagi. She compared it to memorizing three things at once. Seiya says it would be easier if all he had to do is memorize things and his face is slightly sad. Everyone looks at his test score and Usagi comments on it. He yells at them.

In the anime, when Seiya discussed if only he had to memorize things he looks more like he's blushing than sad. The rest is the same.

Page 6. Rei appears out of nowhere inviting the Three Lights to join them for a study session since they all studied together to pass the entrance exams. Minako whispers to Rei she didn't have to take an exam and Rei steps on her foot.

In the anime, Rei also included a creepy laugh here. I would run away too if I was the Three Lights.

Page 9. The Three Lights are on break and the girls are present. Usagi and Rei bicker among themselves. Director shows up.

Anime is pretty much the same here.

Page 11. Director talks down to Seiya about his bad acting and complains about his bad acting. Rei recognizes the Director as Sister Angela. She puts her glasses back on. Seiya asks Rei she knows the Director. Rei knows her from her school. Director tries to deny is and asks Rei how she knows him. Rei says they are friends.

In the anime, the Director complains more about the girls being here than Seiya's acting and accused Seiya on being a pop star to be fawned on by girls. Rei recognizes the Director as Sister Angela. Taiki and Yaten slowly repeat Sister Angela. Cuts to Sailor Iron Mouse.

Page 14. Seiya and Usagi go to Rei's school. Rei is also there. (Which makes a lot more sense then what we saw in the anime.) Seiya talks with the Director and she finally tells him what's wrong. In summary, she wants the same passion and message from his performance during a Three Lights concert to the musical.

Very similar to the anime.

Page 17. Usagi and Seiya are talking at school. Usagi is confused he is still going to practice after the things the Director said to him. She thinks he's a masochist. Seiya tells her she doesn't understand. They switch out their shoes. Seiya asks Usagi if she has a boyfriend and she tells him he is over seas. He comments he has a chance and Usagi confused.

In the anime, Seiya and Usagi was having this conversation leaving Rei's school. Rest of the scene is the same.

Page 18. Usagi reminds him about the make up exam tomorrow. Next scene. Seiya shows up for practice and the Director asks him how studying is going. He tells her he can do two things at once. She warns him to not act half heartedly or she'll drop him.

In the anime, the Director is napping and Seiya wakes her up when he boasts he is ready for practice. (The outfit kills me every time.) Line was chanced to he's not satisficed unless he gives it his all in everything he does. Similar to what she told him earlier at the school. She threatens to drop him from the lead and Seiya challenges her to find someone to outshine him. They both laugh.

Page 22. Sailor Director appears and Sailor Iron Mouse leaves. Seiya tries to figure out what to do. Sailor Director attacks him.

In the anime, as she is leaving, Sailor Iron Mouse tells Seiya not to look so scary since it ruins his handsome face. The rest is the same.

Page 23. A transformation item appears in Seiya's hand and there is a transformation shout. There is dazzling light and Seiya transforms into Sailor Star Fighter. Fighter thinks to herself it is all she can do until they find that one person. She attacks. She is about to destroy Sailor Director and asks for forgiveness until Sailor Moon shows up to stop her asking if she has a grudge again the phage.

Clearly, they didn't know how to handle Seiya's transformation or phrase at this time.

In the anime, we never see a hand held transformation anime until Seiya tries to confess to Usagi at her house he is a Starlight. The rest is pretty much the same.

Page 24. Same as the anime. Fighter yells at Mars and Moon that they don't know what they had endured abandoned their home and the sorrow they have experienced. Sailor Moon is trying to understand. Fighter is about to attack again to stop Sailor Director and Mars pointing at flaming arrow at the Starlight.

Page 25. The same. Sailor Moon saves Sailor Director and Fighter hopes they are not enemies.

Page 26. Minako and Usagi's make up scores are revealed! Usagi had 60 and Minako had 61. Both are safe scores so they can relax. This conversation takes place at the school gate. Amie reminds them the end of the term is coming up. Makoto asks where Seiya is. Taiki says he's be out when he's ready. Seiya appears with his shoulders slumped staring at his paper. Usagi asks about his test score and Rei asks if it was no good.

In the anime, totally different! We only see Usagi and Minako shocked at Seiya's test score. None of the others are present.

Page 27. Seiya tells them to look at his test with 98 points. Minako and Usagi are shocked. Seiya comments he can di when he needs to. He is going to do his best in the musical too. He asks for everyone to support them. The surrounding students cheer as well as Rei and the other girls. Seiya looks up the sky hoping the message will reach everyone.

Similar to the anime but only Usagi and Minako are present. No is cheering him on to do his best for the musical.

[writing-tics]

getting diagnosed with a tic disorder

I just wanted to try out talking about that experience. maybe someone will relate, or find it useful.

i don't really remember how my tics started. i have a tendency of not acknowledging my feelings and brushing things off. i have always been a little jumpy, so I just blamed my weird shrugs and other weird unwanted movements on being easily scared.

they got really bad after my 18th birthday. and soon i asked my parents to see a neurologist.

before that we had conversations about me seeing a specialist, but i didn't want to hear about it. i wanted to pretend that everything was normal.

i went to the neurologist privately. which means that i didn't have to wait too long for the visit but I had to pay for it. my school needed a confirmation that i do have that disorder for my final exams.

i was very stressed, but the doctor was super nice. i had prepared a whole document in which i described all my symptoms, with dates if i could remember them, what my tics feel like, what makes them worse, what makes them better, family history of tics, or similar conditions, etc.

she was really nice and understanding. i don't remember the specific questions that she asked, but something about what is distracting/difficult about them. stuff like that.

she asked me to close my eyes and touch my nose, or left ear, stuff like that. also she had a little stick (like the ones doctor use to look into someones throat) and she would lead it from my fingertips up to my shoulders. she also checked my knee jerk reaction.

over all it was more of a chat, than an actual physical test.

she gave me a prescription for a brain scan (magnetic resonance, which i couldn't do due to having braces, and we switched to an MRI with contrast) - nothing wrong with it, thank fuck. and she prescribed me medication. i fucking hated those meds. they were Awful.

I never got a diagnosis from her. She gave me meds, and reassurance that this is probably psychological, which was enough at the time. Even tho she was a really good neurologist, tics were not her speciality, so i tried another guy.

AND BOY O BOY

he was supposed to be the lead specialist on tic disorders in my country. and maybe he was.

i spend 4h traveling from my city to the capital, just so i could see him.

i knew that he would probably asked my father my childhood, so i was prepared that my dad would be present for a while during the visit. but no, the doctor ever asked him to go out of the room, after the conversation about my childhood ended (it was brief, i had no symptoms in childhood). the doctor would ask my dad about other stuff as well, stuff i could have easily have talked about myself.

and then he asked me about my self harm, and depression, and suicidal thoughts (with my father still present in the room). i answered truthfully, even tho I REALLY wanted to lie. i came out of that visit with my F95.9 diagnosis, and a bunch of other diagnosis like anxiety and stuff. and a prescription for anti-anxiety drugs that i never bought.

i am not sure if the F95.9 is my disorder, but it does fit my symptoms somewhat, so that's why i use it. it's definitely not TS, and at this point idc anymore. the guy saw me one time, and with my dad present, so the diagnosis is very questionable imo, but hey. whatever.

[twisted-wonderland-but-gayer]

I'm having trouble writing a personality for my 'raised by g7' yuu, what kind of personality should they have? I'm kinda leaning at a manipulative type

I'm open to suggestions

🐱

Based on what I've read here's some suggestions— some may contradict each other since they're just ideas and you prolly shouldn't add ALL of them

I'm imagining them to be much more soft spoken and introverted— not shy though. They don't get nervous around people they just don't really see the point of small talk/are more quiet. Maybe when they speak is an "Everyone listens" situation depending on how rare it is for to speak without prompting.

Manipulative and Influential are two different things. (Ur smart but I feel like making this point since ppl confuse them.)

+Maybe if you go more influential you can tie in the "Everyone listens" more.

As for manipulation:

They would probably mostly speak the truth and if they give their opinion, they say so. They also never say bold faced lies maybe dancing around the subject. (Think Alhaitham/Ayato). It would be more subtle and people can just see them as being private/ weird like everyone else at school.

Or you can pull a Cater and give Yuu a "speaking face" to put on during interactions. Granted it won't be as fake.

People rarely see them put too much effort into things.

^^ like maybe they never do assignments but Ace tests. Or they never participate in PE but are peak condition for exams. (Seriously they refuse to run laps but here they are with 80+ pull ups in their record)

Maybe their grades can be purposely low but never failing.

They tend to pawn off work to others after making them think it's their issue/convincing or by simply being in the right place in the right time. They can easily hide from Crowley making him give work to others.

^^^ "Oh you're gonna talk to *sworn enemy at school 1* Azul? Oh nothing he just had some choice words about you... Ah no no it was nothing... well fine ill tell you since I'd hate for something similar to happen to me"

No one knows anything about them and aren't even sure if "Yuu" is their name. Take advantage of it. They can easily make up stories about their origin to excuse how out of touch they are. "Damn I didn't know that rule. Where I'm from its considered rude."

I can see them being very calm. Really hard for them to make them show too much emotion.

Or maybe they're creepy calm. Maybe they always have a slight smile on their face no matter how they're feeling. How creepy would it be to be attacking someone who's smile doesn't drop for a moment? Or someone smiling while crying.

Blunt and explains things easily or they're more expressive in words and maybe make metaphors for people to derive meaning from or as a method to explain things.

^^ "You see Deuce to say magic is like *that* is to say that Floyd is either fully human or fully eel at any given moment wheh it reality its much more complicated— an analysis like that is surface level, blah blah blah"

Or maybe they're like Columbo. They allow someone to speak. They give their two cents and then point out a fatal flaw in what was said or bring up something that contradicts them. (Have a meme to basically explain it)

Extremely analytical?? Like they know who would be most suited for any situation and plans around people's personalities/how they clash.

"Oh you said you couldn't feel yourself move when you got into an accident. Hey Grim remember when ruggie approached you, what was that like"

"You can tell Leonas lying cause his tail swisher left instead of right." Ect

They either underplay/are modest about their magic or they're confident. I can't see them boasting but they wouke jusy be like. "I can do that without issue." Or "Ace stop, let me do it, I can do it faster."

Idk 🤷‍♂️ hope it maybe helped

[iwillseeyouinanother-life]

Grease and The Outsiders

Howdy bitches I need to yap. It's exam week, so we all know what that means. Thinking about shit that has nothing to do with exams !!

I was driving home from picking up food, and Grease (the opening song) from the Grease movie started playing (because it is in my liked songs on Spotify-- shut up, it's good.)

My favorite book in the whole entire world is The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton right--

it hit me (because i am a fucking moron that I didn't put two and two together) that both stories take place in the same subculture.

Danny and Ponyboy are in the same economic class and yet they live two completely different lives. Their stories follow two completely different paths.

Ponyboy endures a lot of traumatic experiences and has the outside world slowly change him. Ponyboy starts his story a warm and empathetic and can't understand the conditions he lives in. Violence is an outlet for emotions for his peers and ponyboy can't relate to them because he is in touch with his emotions and is able to express deep emotion as well as talk about it with johnny and empathize with others who don't share his lived experiences such as Cherry. Towards the end of the story that warmth and desire to understand is slowly stolen from him. He becomes closed off. Ponyboy gets used to the violence he is subjected to and responds to it calmly instead of with fear and begins to develop apathy (in reference to his grades slipping and what Darry thinks about it). No one wants ponyboy to be like the other greasers (as stated by the greasers themselves) but the cycle in which they exist in changes him anyways.

Danny's story is completely different. Danny changes himself to be accepted by the world, more importantly Sandy. The story starts out with Danny and Sandy's summer romance (we all know the plot of this movie, so I'll try not to overdo it) -- Danny isn't restrained by the standards set by the socio-economic class he exists in. He has the freedom to feel real and deep emotion and be honest with Sandy. As soon as he is back at school in an environment that isn't friendly to young men expressing complex emotions, Danny changes and slides into ugly habits of inauthenticity. Danny is performing his role in school and in society that is assigned to him because he is a Greaser. I don't know if Danny is in a low-income community like Ponyboy is shown to be and is stated in The Outsiders. So, we will just go based off of the subculture (Greaser) he exists in because his story does not center around his experiences in poverty like Ponyboy's does. Danny jumps through hoops to try and win over Sandy by changing himself into what she wants and tries to perform the role he thinks she wants. Sandy in turn does the same thing. Danny tries to change himself over and over again for the world. Ultimately Danny decides to just be himself, love Sandy, and love the way they are together post-graduation.

what is also crazy to me is Grease takes place in 1958-1959 and The Outsiders takes place around 1965. These stories are 7 years apart.

Both of these stories are based off of real lived experiences by the authors/writers. I think it is so interesting that two different stories that have different tones with similar themes came out of the same sub-culture.

Ponyboy's story is about how factors such as poverty, death, and violence can steal your innocence and doesn't allow room for youth, specifically young men, to feel through the things they experience and talk about their mental health and their emotions.

Danny's story holds similar themes about how young people, specifically young men in these stories, are not given room or support to be honest their emotions and mental health. Danny's story is about how changing who you really are to perform a role others assign you will never work. Eventually the mask falls off because it won't fit who you are anymore.

Even if we boil it down to the simplest things possible in these stories. Danny is a performer. He knows what people want from him and he knows how to please the crowd even if it comes at his own expense. Ponyboy is an outsider. He can't perform to save himself the trouble. He isn't like his peers, and he isn't like the socs. Ponyboy doesn't know what people want from him and he doesn't try to meet their expectations-- the trauma pushes him there.

sorry for the essay folks i just HAD TO YAP about this. if you stuck around to read this you are so cool. yay you.

[fatuismooches]

SLIDES SHADES ON, KICKS DOOR DOWN AND FALL ONTO YOUR FLOOR, GUESS WHOS BACKKK!;!!;

🌕💗!!!!

BUT AHHHHHFHDH LATIN DOTTORE STILL MAKJNG ME LOSE MY SHIT

and so many of the other posts that i was binginf just now too oh em GEEEEEEE, specifically fragile/coma reader comjng back to sumeru and all that AHHFHEHHHH

ANF ALSO I CANT BELIEVE U REMEMBERED ABT MT EXAMS AND STUFF 😭💗 i got my results recently!! A* EEEKFK back on the grind tho unfortunately

also rlly rlly thinking bout dottore randomly giving fragile reader academic/research-y things to do cus he knows they crave and miss the days where they could get on wit their stuff YKKK??

also omg sometimes i’m scared to like send any kind of brainrot in cus what if someone else has said a similar thing AND AHHDHH

but yea also thinkjng bout tutor zandik + akademiya reader MNNNFFNF

ALSO ZANDIK X POET READER i feel like zandik from like the akademiya days wojld be all poetry’s stupid 🫤 but like one day findinf readers lil poetry notebook whilst tryna find his own research in their dorm and flipping through and finding it littered with references to cerulean blue locks and vermillion irises..and maybe just maybe, poetry isn’t so bad after all

smooches i’ve missed bombarding ur inbox

SMOOCHESSSS :( <33333

🌕 ANONNNN AHHH IVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!! I'm so glad you've been doing well, congrats on your exams!! I'm glad your hard work paid off, such a scholar 😍 But you better not overwork yourself that hard again! ALSO. DON'T BE AFRAID TO SEND ANYTHING IN!! I LOVE!! hearing what you have to say okay?? Ily 🌕 anon!! PLEASE BOMBARD MY INBOX. I LOVE IT.

HAHAHA it seems like a ton of Dottore brainrot has been infiltrating your brain huh 😅 Dottie speaking Latin really revolutionized ours brains hngg bUT WAIT I LOVE YOUR IDEA. THAT'S SO CUTE. Oh my gosh newdndow how do I phrase this. He knows you still have a love of knowledge and other things you used to be so into :( But nowadays it's died down since you don't think you're cut out for that stuff anymore, even though you miss it. Dottore being the one who respects and acknowledges your intelligence the most would not let you think that way! He'll let you indulge in as much knowledge as you want to. It's far better here anyway, with no restrictions. He'll even let you sit on his lap while you flip through his notes and try to analyze them. Okay and bear with me, this sounds strange but he would make up fake scenarios/brain teasers for you, and these would be PAGES long and you'd have to figure out the answer and report back to him 😭

Also made me think of this angsty af scenario of the day you officially got kicked out from the Akademiya... The sages and profs were so unsympathetic with your condition despite multiple proofs and notes of it being real... no matter how much you begged and sobbed, they refused to accommodate you and revoked your position in the school. Yes, it could be absolutely freaking brutal in there with the workload of assignments and all, on top of your illness too, but you still had dreams. Dreams that you were working so, so hard to pursue... you were trying your best, why couldn't they work with you? You go back to your room to try and pack since they want you out but your stuff just ends up strewn on the floor while you cry. When Zandik comes back you don't even bother hiding your tears or the reason behind them. You can see he's absolutely furious and about to let pure foulness leave his mouth but you interrupt him with a few simple words - "Zandik, just hold me, please." You don't want to hear any words at this moment, because you know nothing will be alright, but at least his touch grounds whatever is left of you to this world.

Okay moving on... Nah I need tutor Zandik. If he saw my dumb ahh while doing math... gone 😭 HEHE I love this trope... i can imagine initially being very serious about trying to learn. But then their tutor is this cutie? Welp, all of that going down the drain. Though, I think it would be pretty sweet if reader ends up learning anyway. Because the professor's way of teaching is so outdated or simply doesn't work for you but somehow when Zandik explains it you're like ?? oh! That's so much simpler! Another possibility - reader purposely flunking so they can get assigned to Zandik for tutoring 🤭 Bro would be flabbergasted that you're wasting both his and your time... because you thought he was... c-cute? Disgusting.

YEAAAA I ADORE DOT AND POET READER I THINK IT'S SOOO ROMANTIC 😭❤️ lmao yea that man would think poetry/non-academic writing is sooo boring like why would you even waste your time on that 😒 You gave up LONG ago trying to convince him why you love it so much but all of a sudden he becomes a teensy more receptive to it... i wonder why? Totally not because he freaking read every single one of your poems, from the serious to silly ones, most definitely not because he found one named after him with a bunch of sweet references... he doesn't care but they were not that bad... he guesses.

[heystephen]

Hi, I saw your post about your dog (I've been lurking here for Eras) and I feel the same way about my dog and have been through something kinda similar so I thought I may be able to provide some info. Feel free to totally ignore this! For me, when I'm in a panic bc something is wrong with my dog I really struggle thinking through dense information so I'd let you know what I've learned.

First, for the cost breakdown, there's the cost of the X-Ray and getting it interpreted. Both of those are defintely high, I know that price is pretty location dependent but have you called around to other vets? Many won't send out for a specialist unless its necessary but many will no matter what (less reputable practices doing the latter). I know you want the best care for your dog so I'd ask other vets even if they can't see you in time, would a specialist be necessary initially for a suspected blockage? I'd also question how long that would take (some are basically instant others can be hours). Secondly, the bloodwork. I'd ask are they doing that after the X-Ray? If the X-Ray shows a blockage is it all necessary? The basic CBC would be the most likely to still be needed, and some prefer to always do a Chem test with that to get the full picture. But the HW test is extremely unlikely, especially if your dog has been recently tested (like when you last got the prescription) and he's been on the heartworm medicine regularly. And the SDMA test - if its a blockage do they still need to test his kidneys? Lastly, the sedation (which I know has been discounted) but I'd ask if it was needed. X-Rays are quick and the techs should be experienced with behavioral conditions -its a questionable extra expense.

Finally, there are a lot of different options for financing if it turns out to be something expensive. Call different vets about this too. Chain vets like Banfield etc are going to be the most predatory so make sure to call lots of vet-owned practices. And don't be afraid of trying the "best vet in the best neighborhood" type of place, they often can work with people who can't pay upfront better bc they have the means versus practices who advertise that they can work with you on payment. And lastly, emergency clinics aren't all crazy expensive if your dog ends up needing emergency care and you can call several in advance and ask about prices.

I'll be keeping you and your dog in my thoughts and I hope everything works out okay! And I hope this has been useful to you

i really appreciate you taking the time to go through and share your thoughts and ideas about the whole thing.

as far as the cost of the X-ray, interpretation and the suggested blood test, i understand that that’s pretty standard for the area i live in. i called around a lot of clinics in my area and even like, miles outside of my town and asked how much they’d charge for the same things and not only were the costs similar or higher but a majority of them said they’d have to charge a fee as well for an initial exam as my dog isn’t a patient with them. his regular vet is amazing and so kind about working with clients who need payment plans or deals but he’s booked out until the new year and referred me to the clinic we’re going to tomorrow. unfortunately, the sedation is necessary. he’s very fearful and combative about exams and being handled by strangers.. thankfully, the chem cbc and sdma were more like secondary suggestions, should the X-rays not reveal anything so i guess i’ll cross that bridge if i get to it. but i’ll still be calling around to the last minute

im exploring my options, grants and funds and what not and exhausting every avenue i can. hopefully i find one! i did get in touch with a local group who said they may be able to help with his treatment once he’s diagnosed

thank you for your thoughts, it really means the world and it was very kind of you to offer them 💙

[meditating-dog-lover]

Blood work results

I got my first set of bloodwork results. Things look good, though I am concerned about my insulin/blood sugar and male sex hormones (I'm a woman).

My insulin and blood sugar levels are within the normal range, but high-normal. Same with a lot of my androgens and androgen stimulating hormones. I have elevated testosterone levels (not too high, just a bit). I'm concerned that I may have insulin resistance or PCOS. My sister has both conditions. Though after my annual woman's health exam, my doctor said everything looked fine. Also my lipid panel looks great, and these are elevated in women with PCOS.

I have low levels of some omega-3 fatty acids, but I've switched to fish oil which contains them, unlike flaxseed oil. Even my thyroid hormone levels went down compared to my last test. I wonder why.

I absolutely know for a fact that I've recently been overweight. And definitely stressed. I've been implementing intermittent fasting for 4 months. I have lost weight and I am convinced I have more to lose. If these are the results that appeared on my bloodwork, then it's an indication that I need to lose further weight. Type 2 diabetes runs in my family, so I don't want to experience that and due to the predisposition, I need to maintain that low/normal body weight, do IF, and eat well. I was pretty slim in 2018, but I had an ED. I want to go back to a similar body weight but with IF and balanced non-restrictive eating as opposed to calorie and food restriction.

In 2021 I did blood work and my glucose levels were fine. I was eating a lot of sugar and junk and was stressed and in an awful mood and had poor sleep, though I was active and in slim shape. I know stress and sleep and physical activity do play a role in insulin and blood sugar issues and not just eating a lot of sugar and carrying extra weight. I know walking helps a lot too. I do need to work on my stress though. With all of the news from Gaza and my terrible eczema I got much more stressed. I'm sure the stress made my eczema worse and it was awful this year. I don't recall my eczema being as bad in 2021 though. I wonder if there's a hormonal link to eczema now that I think of it. And my sleep is better now, thankfully.

All I can really do is to continue IF, continue to shed more fat, manage stress, continue my good sleeping habits, continue to walk a lot, and don't eat a lot of sugar and junk (my diet is better now, thankfully). Perhaps some supplement ingredients can also help, like chromium, berberine, and inositol. I'm very happy with my D3/K2 and magnesium and now my fish oil supplements. I'm going to find a go-to multivitamin that can help with my hormones if possible, and a go-to gut health supplement that can help with my gut issues I discussed yesterday. I read a scientific publication that illustrates a link between intestinal permeability and insulin resistance. It would not surprise me that gut issues can cause hormonal imbalances such as what I'm seeing. And increased testosterone can be caused by insulin sensitivity/elevated blood glucose (not necessarily with PCOS which I've never received a diagnosis for).

The goal is to lose fat and to reduce my stress, and to continue the IF, good sleep, and healthy eating habits. Eventually I will find a go-to multivitamin that can help with my hormones and a go-to gut health supplement which can help my gut and in turn, my eczema and hormonal issues.

[liberationwasboundtohappen]

SO REMEMBER WHEN I BROUGHT UP THAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT A BOUNDSHIPPING REINCARNATION AU? Yeeeeaaaah. I've been thinking about it. And uhhhhh. It might be rambly so hi have a cut.

SO okay. This all came about because I was thinking about reincarnation / "Character gets their body back" fics and I was like, "But what if they did it like Fushigi Yuugi instead?" What do I mean by this? Fushigi Yuugi is a really old Shoujo series where a teenage girl falls in love with a guy who literally is a character in a magic book. And then he gets reincarnated as his own person who she runs into in the real world. He's the same age as he was before, but he's lived his own separate life. What is even time when it comes to Gods, Magic, and Spirits? So yes. Hi. Boundshipping. Fast-forward a little bit of time after canon ends (This is a bit of a canon divergence), and Yuugi is going through his last year of high school. Everyone is studying for their entrance exams, and Yuugi and Ryou study together since they're aiming for the same Uni. One day, Ryou gets a message from a strange man named "Bakura", who's apparently been looking for him for a few years. He's gruff, awkward, and more than a little shy, and admits that he's his biological older brother through his father's infidelity. Ryou...does not know what to think of this, but he's willing to hear the guy out. His father is out all the time, and it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility (he's even wondered if his father had another family that he went to instead of raising his own son). The two meet up under the condition that it be in a public place and Yuugi goes with him. Bakura agrees. The three meet up in Ryou and Yuugi's favorite coffee joint, and the two immediately realize that he is a dead ringer for Thief King Bakura. Same dark skin, same hair, and even a similar scar under one of his eyes. The evidence of his story though is irrefutable. Physical photos, ID cards, and even a paper trail through school records. This is a real person who really exists. --

"Why now?" Ryou asked. "Why do you want to contact me now?" Bakura bit his lip as his eyes drifted a bit to the right. He couldn't look Ryou in the eyes, though was it because of deception or embarrassment? Yuugi wasn't sure. "Mother." He mumbled. "My mother...passed on." "I'm so so--" Bakura held up his hand. "Don't. Don't apologize." He took a deep breath. Breathed out. "I found out at the funeral that...'Father' had another family. Another son. I needed to meet you." "That's all?" Ryou asked. "That's all." Bakura insisted. "What, you think I don't know how this looks? I bet you're waiting for me to ask you for money, live with you, or whatever. 'What's the catch', right?" Ryou's eyes lowered slightly. "I..." "It's fine. I...would have thought the same." He pulled back his shoulders; it was hard for Yuugi not to stare. Just like...him, he was athletic and well-built, his muscular frame stretching out the thin fabric of his black T-shirt. "No catch, though, little brother. I got my own place and my own shit. I don't need handouts or you paying for me."

"I didn't want to assume, I'm--" "What did I say about apologizing? It's fine." He paused...and grinned, handsome and familiar. "Tell me where you got that Monster World charm on your bag and we'll be even." -- Their conversation becomes a lot more jovial after that. The three bond over Monster World and games; turns out that Bakura is an extremely popular artist and Monster World painter, though his posts are all in Arabic. He even proves it by showing him logged in to the account. He's actually going to Domino University to finish his degree in art and design while he works for Otogi's company to do art and design work for the next expansion of Dungeon Dice Monsters. The three part happily, promising to meet up again soon, and Ryou and Yuugi both agree that this has to be the work of the Millennium Items. Thief King is getting a second chance. (Does this mean the Pharaoh is getting a second chance? Will they be able to see him again?) The three of them spend more time together over the next few weeks, Bakura even offering to help them study for their entrance exams (since he's already in Uni and they're planning to go to his school of choice). Though Ryou notices something about Bakura... He looks at Yuugi a lot. Not just that, but when Yuugi praises him, his cheeks grow hot and he gets bashful. He even gets disappointed when Yuugi isn't around when they hang out. His brother has a crush on Yuugi, and Ryou finds it...charming and adorable to see someone so big, gruff, sharp-tongued, and full of puns also be so...sweet and shy. Not that he'll ever admit it. And then wingman Ryou decides to help bring them together, because he notices that Yuugi is watching him, too... Nnnngh I have so many feelings about this but I'll stop here for now before I make this a million pages long.