#if i die then it's not my problem
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10 days in and i truly believe this will be my last year on earth
either i die some way or another, or i become an entirely different person
#vent#(ish?)#just. i'm in touch with detectives#and i really only see it going two ways#either the justice system sucks ass and tries to let me walk#and i snap completely#or i end up in jail#either way. i'll either die or change forever#and the fact is i really don't mind either way#if i die then it's not my problem#if i change. idk. maybe I'll be better. could get worse too but either way i only see myself coming out stronger#and if there's any way i can get out of this life of stagnation and soul crushing boredom i honestly want it
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FINALLY got to know minthara... no notes. life of the party
#minthara#baldurs gate 3#bg3#baldurs gate#my art#astarion didnt have a problem with the widow hearts it was just undersalted#i love her so much.... what a character. ride or die and evil thats a perfect soup to me#my comics#(looks up at the clock) GAH AND MERRY CHRISTMAS
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tabitha scarlet is literally an insane character girlie’s dna is made of mommy issues and old money she is anti-union her diet consists of three (3!) things and those are mac n cheese, pb&j and ice cream and that’s it she is snappy and sour and objectively unpleasant and so fucking tired and lonely her hair is the color of pale greasy butter she once called child labor good old times she didnt survive a homoerotic teenage friendship she is a failwoman and a boss of a literal (but also failing) coal mine who lives in a wet cardboard box (a run-down mansion that is 70% leaks (and probably black mold) and is this close to quite literally falling off a cliff) oh and yeah she is also just straight up fucking haunted—
#sorry i just remembered another weird blond bitch im abnormal about yeah#jesus christ i do have a problem#anyway this is your sign to play scarlet hollow tabby is my fav cousin i would die for her#tabitha scarlet#scarlet hollow
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someone put a gun to my head and fucking kill me i’m sick and tired of this shit
#real#this is so real#bpd#bpd thoughts#my writing#writing#bpd vent#cannibalcore#cannibalposting#borderline blog#borderline personality disorder#bpd problems#actually bpd#bpd feels#thoughts#sad thoughts#vent post#vent vent vent#personal vent#i wanna cvt#i wanna kms#i wanna die#i wanna cry#i wanna relapse so bad
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"Suck it, weeb-ass BEEETCH!"
Richie loses to Ruth. (She probably cheated)
#I had no plans for this but i guess they're playing some kind of mobile game??? Idk dont look at me okay!!! /silly#Had a few asks sitting in my inbox for awhile (sorry) asking for these two and well i gave it a try 🫡#Something about them looks weird proportionally and it always happens after i draw the clothes SIGH - oh well pretend you dont see it ok#Richie now owes Ruth his lunch for the next three weeks#nerdy prudes must die#NPMD#Hatchetfield#Fanart#Art#richie lipschitz#ruth fleming#Starkid#They should probably have actual phone cases#but i didnt want to draw those tiny extra lines#edit: RICHIE IS TOO TALL!! duh thats the problem. damn who are ya'll letting me make a fool of myself like this huh
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I feel like too often people frame Nie Mingjue's issues as ignorance borne from safety. Like, they think that because of his privilege as a sect leader he doesn't know what it's like to be in danger and forced to make hard choices to survive. And I disagree. Strongly.
First of all, Nie Mingjue is very familiar with death not only from war but from. You know. Actively dying since the age of fourteen. Let us not forget Nie Mingjue is dead! Super dead! And maybe he didn't die the exact way he expected to but he did, absolutely, know he was going to die. To act like Nie Mingjue is unfamiliar with the scenario of "do something you find morally reprehensible or die" is to ignore that he has been living that exact scenario and chose death.
Nie Mingjue knows death is a risk for someone like Jin guangyao, in fact he explicitly acknowledges it even in his worst moments like the stairs in chapter 49. Had his issue been ignorance, then he would've responded to Jin Guangyao saying that he's in danger and has to sacrifice others for his own safety with "No you aren't you'll be fine." But he doesn't. He accepts the fact that jgy is in danger with no qualms and says: then you should die.
That's not him betraying his values, those are his values. He is, essentially, pro-suicide. Jgy is like hey I have a moral dilemma what should I do and nmj straight up goes "Kill yourself" and earlier that same chapter when he was faced with a moral dilemma he went "I'm gonna kill myself." He believes the solution to moral dilemmas is suicide! He is extremely consistent about this! When it's pointed out to him that it would have been dangerous for Wen Qing to oppose Wen Ruohan it doesn't phase him because he thinks putting yourself at risk to do the right thing is the only moral choice. The idea that he can only hold this belief because he is himself somehow not in danger, again, requires you to ignore that he is dying the whole time. And it doesn't deter him. He is the idea of self-sacrifice as a moral good taken to its absolute logical extreme. Someone who is ready to die and demands the same from everyone else.
It makes him a very fun case study for fandom, because a lot of fandom spaces also tend to revere self-sacrifice as the ultimate good, and yet we get very uncomfortable when someone starts demanding it of characters we love. Like woah, hold on, that's a bit too far isn't it? Only we the audience get to do that!
#mdzs#mdzs meta#nie mingjue#i got a bit spicy at the end there#one wonders of there is perhaps a theme around sacrifice the story is working with here#what with several of the most relevant and major character relationships centering around sacrifice.#anyway I wonder what nmj thought of Wen Qing (and Wen Ning though the jin kept him alive) sacrificing herself at nightless#I have to imagine he approved. despite disagreeing with her he also approved of mianmian giving up her clan position for wwx+ the wens#so he'd think this was her 'finally doing the right thing'#his approval would've been kinda worthless. As a person who is NOT pro-suicide I think that's fucked up! the sacrifice didn't even work!#but it's diabolical to think of the Wen siblings turning themselves in and nmj being there and *praising* them for it.#unhinged behavior. I need this missing scene stat.#this is just kind of a rephrasing of my 'stop calling nmj a hypocrite' post but with a bit more focus on what exactly his values are#and how his problems stem not from him being inconsistent with those values but the fact that they are pretty fucked up!#and that those fucked up values are not a result of a lack danger but the opposite. the *inevitability* of death#he's going to die so he *has* to believe that's the right thing to do.
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Thinking about the fact that in s1ep6 when Barry burns Rafe's arm, poor baby probably had to bandage himself up all by himself. It just makes me so sad for no reason because Rafe's always alone and he literally has zero support system. And, his hands were shaking when he attempted to steal from his dad's office and when Ward catches him, he doesn't even look concerned or notice the burnt arm of his son??? Something about that just makes me so mad and sad like wtf. Rafe needs a big hug, man. I soo wanna be his stress reliever, his balm that calms him and more. I am literally not normal about this man. Like imagine someone burning ur arm on a fucking motorbike and having no one to turn to but yourself :(
#rafe cameron#rafe obx#drew starkey#rafe cameron x reader#obx#and yall dont come for or @ me for babying this man#i am not normal about my fav white man ok???#rafe just needs a big ass hug and pussy and so much more#god i will die for him#i cant be normal#not when he looks and acts like that and has a shit life/parents#anti ward cameron#anti barry#Rafe also could've also just went to the hospital or whatever but i doubt he'd do that since thats so ooc as hed have to explain#where he got the injury from and more#plus he literally likes handling his problems on his own so I cant see him going to someone else for help#especially when hes vulnerable and injured
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feast (ID in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#tw blood#im posting this so late because october escaped me Suddenly.. hello....#i wanted to make it a photoset with this other vampire vw wip but i don't think i'm finishing it any time soon and the mood of it is#completely different anyway. also i don't think i ever shared anything about my vampire au on here !!! it's all old art by now so im shy lo#but maybe i'll do a photodump of it. long story short vash is a vampire since birth and ww is a human vampire hunter that turns during thei#travels together due to EoM experiments + getting vash to drink from him at some point.#humans turn once they get bitten but bc ww has been experimented on#& got bitten by a bunch of human turned vampires thruout his hunts he thought it wouldn't be a problem for vash to drink from him but alas.#theyre both ok though theyre traveling together definitely not hating themselves for what theyve become and feeling guilty for what theyve#done to each other. theyre completely normal about it. the biting part is really appealing to me in vampire aus so i draw it a lot but#in reality vash only drank from ww once and ww mightve done it twice under the realization he might actually die otherwise#since he wont drink from humans after being turned.... he's combatting the 5 stages of grief at all times#if this is all nonsense im sorry DMGKSDF I'M NOT good at explaining and this au came from nowhere in the depths of my mind its a mess#ruporas art
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#not tagging yet bc if tumblr messes up the image order I'll die#edit OKAY TUMBLR DIDN'T MESS UP THE ORDER WOOOOO!!!!#why sort out ur feelings when u can just project them unto favs!!!#wheres that one meme...#projecting my period cramps but instead of period cramps its executive dysfunction problems#qiu lin i dont know hhow much “they're so me” ive got left#qiu lin#olnf#our life now and forever#my art
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after the events of season 4, steve just wanting SO BADLY to be friends with eddie. just LOVING the idea of them getting closer and having eddie as a friend because hell yeah! a close male friendship with someone that is actually my age, and who i don’t have a weird history with involving bruised eyes and love triangles? count me IN! and eddie is FUN, he is actually hilarious! the way they share the same glances of understanding when dustin is being an absolute shit head, rambling on and on about some obscure topic, expecting everyone to always be on the exact same page as him. of course. and, although steve suspects that eddie actually probably is keeping up with everything dustin says, much better than he ever could, he knows that above it all eddie can appreciate the antics for what they are, and roll his eyes with steve at dustin, i concur, you dustin henderson, are a total butthead.
steve just about junps RIGHT IN to being friends with eddie. hey man, what’cha up to tonight? wanna watch a movie? get drunk, smoke a bit? hey eddie, how have you been, man? he starts calling eddie up on the phone regularly just to check in, shoot the shit, he loves it! he loves having this new friendship with eddie munson and he loves how much the other boy has surprised him with how much he actually enjoys being around him. he’s not a freak, really, well ok maybe he is a little bit, but only in the best ways. he’s kind, thoughtful, and is always looking out for the people he cares about, which is something steve can really respect in a dude. but he’s also so funny? steve never could’ve anticipated just how much eddie has managed to make him genuinely LAUGH over their short amount of time spent together. and he’s really, out there? with the way he presents himself, the way he takes up space with these big THEATRICAL movements, leaving no room for regret or shame or god forbid embarrassment. steve isn’t even sure munson is capable of feeling it at all.
eddie munson is a good dude, and steve could use a bit more of that kind of person around him. he loves all of his friends, the weird little bonded family he’s found himself apart of, and they are all good people, but it never hurts to have afew more added in here and there. it never hurts to know there are more good people out there to find.
so steve is all over eddie, it seems.
at least, from where eddie is standing. nobody else seems as phased as eddie does at this sudden change in steve’s demeanour, in his interest in what eddie munson spends his time doing these days. it seems like, to everyone else, to steve, it’s just a natural progression in their relationship, after being sort of role model figures to the same group of kids, both being the two single dudes, who fought the same monsters together last spring, it seems nobody questions too much that they’d start casually hanging around eachother more. especially since eddie has found himself to fit into his own special spot as one of the group now after it all, after he unwillingly became tangled in this whole upsidedown-superpowers-supernatural-monsters and demons debacle, and tangled quite dramatically at that, the rest of the group that’s been with this since the beginning seemed to find no trouble in taking him in and seeing him as “one of them” now.
so, steve asking eddie to smoke, to watch movies, to go for a drive with no real end destination, it’s not really something that earns them too many double takes. dustin makes a comment or two in the beginning, because steve since when did you like hanging out with eddie? you guys are like so opposite, you don’t like any of the same stuff he does? and steve barely gives a shrug and a dismissive yeah yeah whatever man in response, with a signature eye roll, and dustin had said it seemingly also not too seriously, poking fun at steve wherever he can, not really meaning anything by it, as he fidgets around and rambles in the backseat of steve’s car, eddie riding up front. after that, though, he’s dropped it. it’s never brought up again. part of eddie thinks, too, that dustin would actually be enjoying that his two older friends are becoming friends themselves.
robin seems to be the only other person to look a bit harder at their situation, lingering stares at their interactions, all squinted eyes and eyebrows raised, though from her all this seems to be almost always and only ever directed at steve. eddie’s not sure what to make of that. isn’t he the weird one? i mean, he’s the one that stands out, right? he’s the odd denominator that makes their friendship strange. why would steve harrington want to hang out with Him? HIM? but robin doesn’t spend her time studying eddie to try and search for what about him could possibly have piqued the interest of cherished steven harrington, no, shes always looking at steve. like she’s seeing him differently, almost. eddie doesn’t even think that steve notices it, either, because he doesn’t seem to be questioning or doubting anything odd or strange or out of the ordinary with their newfound time spent together. and maybe, maybe robin is seeing him differently. eddie knows he definitely has been. seeing him more, intensely. deeply. human. seeing the person that steve is, as just steve, not this idealised version of a boy that eddies starting to question ever really even existed at all, or if everyone around him just needed to believe that he did, and who was steve if not happy to comply to the wants of the people around him for who he should be?
eddie likes having steve as his friend, too. don’t get it twisted. he loves how unexpectedly expressive steve is about everything, even really small things. steve LOVES to raise his voice, rest a hand on his popped hip, scolding the kids for something stupid with no real heat or malice behind it. and steve is, like, kinda bitchy too. eddie knew he had the capacity to be a real asshole when he wanted to be, that’s all he knew steve for back in the day, when he was back in high school, hanging around tommy h and the basketball boys, the jocks. eddie would spend his days hearing only whispers and gossip in the hallways of the parties at king steve’s house and the fights king steve had started and won on the court or out in the fields, only ever getting as close as a shove into a locker with the guy at the time, but eddie knew how it could go. he knew all about what steve had done to jonathan, what he’d said to him, the words he’d used. eddie knew it all. he’d seen enough, and been through enough himself, to know how these guys acted in response to guys like him, like jonathan, people who were lower on the social food chain. so, eddie knew about steve’s “mean streak”, if you will, but this kind of snarky bitchiness was something new to him. harrington was almost, sassy, when he wanted to be. it was less so cruel and more just, just sass. if he’s being completely honest it kind of blew eddie away, at first. he thought steve was one of those dull headed jocks who thought with their fists more than their actual brains, but that couldn’t have been farther from the truth. steve’s insults were well thought out, they were FUNNY, he was smart with his words. and silly. oh my god steve harrington could be so fucking silly, real honest to god goofball when the moment called for it, when he felt comfortable enough. eddie had caught on multiple occasions steve mimicking lightsabers to play fight with dustin, or the stupid fucking shit he would do or say just to make robin laugh, singing along to a song playing on the radio with a funny voice.
it was all a little, intoxicating, to watch. eddie didn’t know what gave him the right to be in on this now, to get to see this side of steve and better yet to be at the other end of some of his best qualities. it was fun, all the time they spent together, but there was always something else tugging inside eddie everytime they spent close time together, too. something, he knew steve wasn’t aware of. something he knew steve wasn’t equipped to deal with. something he knew, was him. was him, making things something more than they should be, because, nobody seemed to be questioning that they could become friends, so why ruin that? why disrupt it?
- robin and steve
“Steve.”
“-but then like, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to watch it I just thought, hey, y’know, let’s try something different for a change, but then he- oh my god he honest to god TACKLED ME Robin — I mean, it was so fucking funny and it happened so quick — and all over a fucking Tom Cruise movie-“
“STEVE.” Robin lightly slammed a hand onto the counter. She had been standing behind it for no short of 20 minutes, watching Steve as he paced around, supposed to be stacking tapes onto shelves, but ended up spending the whole time going on and on, and ON, about how movie night went with Eddie last night. She thought she was bad…
Steve jumped, almost running into a shelf and knocking down his hard work, and seemed to snap out of whatever trance he had found himself in after starting to tell Robin a story about something funny Eddie had done last night.
“Shit, sorry. Sorry, what were you saying? Were you- were you saying something?”
To this, Robin just rolls her eyes and let’s out a laugh, “You, sir, are goddamn hopeless.”
“Sorry. How long was I talking for?” Steve wandered his way over to lean his arms onto the counter from the opposite side.
“Oh, I dunno Steve, just about half an HOUR?”
“That is an over exaggeration Robin, it’s only been like-“
“Honestly, man, i’m concerned for you. You are like next level OBSESSED with Eddie. Eddie Munson. You do realise this right??? You are obsessed with him, Steve.”
To this Steve sputters, lazily waving his hands back and forth.
“No, Robin, what the hell are you talking about? I am not OBSESSED. No need to be jealous, alright, Stevie-Boy here can have more than one friend. Your spot in my heart isn’t any less special now that it’s beginning to be shared by another.” He bats his eyelashes up at her, holding both hands over his chest as if to cradle his heart.
“Oh my GOD! You even SOUND LIKE HIM!”, she playfully slaps his shoulder. “Steve. You are obsessed.”
“I am not obsessed! He’s just a really great guy, alright-“
“Blah blah, yep whatever you say, lover boy.” Robin quips, plopping down onto the chair chair infront of their staff computer, turning herself to face it.
“Wha- what? Lover boy? What the hell Robin, that is not- that doesn’t even make any sense!”
She is just smiling at him now, enjoying seeing him spiral like this. Steve let’s out a sigh as he puts his hands on his hips, and shakes his head, looking at her right back.
He opens and closes his mouth afew times, like he’s really thinking about what he wants to say next. Or like he has no idea what to say next, and his brain is not moving fast enough to formulate the next sentence his mouth knows he wants to say. He wasn’t obsessed. That’s not- that’s like- no. No he was not, Robin was just playing around with him, she knew how to get on his nerves. Get him all wound up over little things just to see him react like this.
After a minute or two, Robin realises Steve was not going to reply anytime soon, so she turns fully back toward him. Saving him from his spiral.
“So, what are you’re plans for tonight Steve-O?”
He lets out a chuckle and walks around the counter till he’s behind it with Robin, leaning his back against it so he can stand across from her and face her.
“Well, not really sure. Parents aren’t home, no early shift tomorrow, might drink afew beers, listen to some music, —“
“See what Eddie’s doin?” Robin finishes for him, quirking her eyebrows up and down as she does it.
“Oh shut up!” Steve just laughs and softly throws a tape from the counter at her chest. “As a matter of fact, yeah I will see what he’s up to. Because we are friends now, Robin. Is that a problem? Actually I was also gonna ask you what you were up to after work, too, but you know what after this I’m having second thoughts, I mean, the way you’ve been treating me lately-“
“Oh my god, you are the worst. Yes, I’m free, of course I’ll hang out with you dingus. You and your tweedle dee.”
Steve laughs at this, then tilts his head.
“Wait, does that make me dumb? Tweedle dumb?! That’s how you see me?”
“Yeah it is actually, got a problem?”
“Oh wow, she’s feisty today. Can’t believe you think I’m dumb, Rob’s. When you come knockin’ tonight, do not expect a warm greeting at my front door.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll take my chances.”
- later. steve’s house. to be continued?
#just been having steddie post season 4 thoughts#been missing the era of the fandom just sort of starting during that time between vol 1 and 2#how every fic had their own little way of resolving the upside down/vecna problem just written into afew small paragraphs#really just getting to know these characters as a pairing#most importantly before seeing them as a couple#seeing them as friends#how they would genuinely interact and get along#what their dynamics would look like#steddie early days truly have my whole entire heart#coming onto tumblr the weeks following vol1 of s4 was magical#anywho yeah non vol2 compliant steddie for you#more so just#eddie didn’t die steddie for you#they become friends bc truly i actually believe that had he lived they would have#it just makes sense#stranger things#eddie munson#steddie#steve harrington#stranger things 4#stranger things season 4#robin buckley#dustin henderson#also lmk if i should keep adding to this…might abyways bc i’m enjoying this#steddie fic#steddie fic idea#steddie ficlet#steddie fanfiction
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the one and only grace
#featuring my goober lords in black#also she has the black book star on one of her eyes#im very proud of that detail#the letters say:#how raw are your knees?#how often will you repent?#which i think is from some dumb twitter thing but i liked the line a lot#hatchetfield fanart#hatchetfield#grace chasity#lords in black#nerdy prudes must die#artists on tumblr#hatchetfield is actually all i can think about lately its becoming a problem
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#this is what makes us girls#lana del rey#girlhood#girl problems#born to die#coquette#coquette girl#fiona apple#girl interrupted#the virgin suicides#my year of rest and relaxation#lana how i hate those guys#esoteric#girlblog aesthetic#dollette#dollcore#girlblogging#lana del ray aka lizzy grant#lana unreleased#marina#i hate men#layla buffalo 66#sofia coppola#lana del rey aesthetic#lizzy grant#million dollar man#fawncore#fawn angel#angel#sophie woodhouse
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Hot Tip: If you're trying to secretly commit bigamy, don't do it when your wife is hidden in the house you currently live in.
Hot Tip: If you stop an innocent girl from committing bigamy, don't leave her living alone in the house with the guy who tried to trick her into bigamy.
Hot Tip: When you're trying to convince a girl to live as your mistress, don't tell her about how you grew to hate all the other mistresses you lived with.
Hot Tip: If you leave your home and place of employment with nowhere else to go, DON'T SPEND ALL YOUR MONEY ON BUS FARE!
#jane-u-eyre-y#jane eyre#charlotte bronte#rochester: the least competent of all victorian villains#you'd never make it in a sensation novel my friend#'if i didn't think your uncle would die before you got there i'd say you should come with us'#HOW ABOUT SHE COMES WITH YOU ANYWAY BECAUSE NONE OF YOU TRIED TO TRICK HER INTO BIGAMY??#and then jane#jane my friend#i love you but YOU'RE SO STUPID#i have a hard time feeling sorry for her current state of poverty#because every time she's like#'i had no food'#'i was friendless'#'no one offered me shelter and i had no right to demand it'#all i can say is 'you wouldn't have this problem if you HADN'T SPENT ALL YOUR MONEY ON GETTING A RIDE!'#the guy even leaves her at a random crossroads because that's all the further her fare will take her#TEN MILES from the nearest town!#clearly she could have stopped at an earlier point#maybe IN A TOWN#while you STILL HAD SOME MONEY!#i applaud the ideals jane#getting out was the smartest thing you ever did#but it does you no good when you leave in the STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE
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worst gen vs kaido has got me thinking abt. the swordsmen devoted to a certain strawhatted fool
#i don't know what they've got going on but it compels me#'i trust you with my captain's life' and 'i know you would die for him if left to your own devices'#alternatively 'i trust you with my captain's life' and 'i'm not about to let you make him my fucking problem'#one piece#roronoa zoro#trafalgar law#art#wano arc#fanart#vague zolaw. if you want it to be lmao
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people really need to learn the difference between queerbait and complex queer media
#nbc hannibal#hannibal#hannigram#community#trobed#johnlock#house md#hilson#destiel#voltron#merthur#like queer baiting is a problem but stop wanting everything to be so cut and dry it’s boring#there needs to be space for both complex and simple portrayals of queer relationships#maybe I’m just fed up that somehow there was weirder kinkier gay shit going on in to in the 2010s#how have you got my longing for the fucking 2010s#iasip#macdennis#macdennis isn’t queerbait and I will die on this hill
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WE HAVE A NEW SEASON COMING IN JANUARY 22????? LETSGOOOOOOO
#BOOM SWAKALAKA LETS GAAAWD#CALE!!!! AND HIS KIDS!!!!!!! AM GONNA CRY THEY ARE SO PRECIOUS#UWAAAAAAAA#AND PAN4-NIM STAYSSSSSSS#i heard that they had a lot of health problems and possibility of them not working on the story in the future!#AM SO HAPPY THEY ARE STAYING#WE WON THIS FUCKING LIFE#2025 OFFICIALLY DOESN'T SUCK ANYMORE#i also have debut or die return in february near my birthday so dunno about u but i fucking WON this year#tcf#lcf#trash of the count's family#lout of the count's family#cale henituse
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