#if anything he needs LESS enrichment (work) in his enclosure

[fireflysugarpie]

i don't really want to see Shang Qinghua get railed so much as i want to gently take the brush from his hands, wipe the ink from his soft cheek, and take him to a hot, scented bath. Take his neglected hair down from his hair crown and massage soap and hair oils onto his scalp while he slowly relaxes into the warmth of the water and pamper this overworked man the way he deserves. and after he's clean and tired, i'd wait for him to get dressed behind his privacy screen, guide him in his inner robe to sit on the edge of his bed, and braid his hair for sleep while assuring him that there wasn't any work to worry about, and make sure he got at least twelve hours of uninterrupted rest.

.

.

.

and then I'd watch him get railed.

[whatthebodygraspsnot]

Mickey’s on house arrest for an eensy teensy crime (a total misunderstanding obviously - Mickey would never.)

At first he thinks he’s gonna go level ten batshit cooped up in their apartment. It’s not that he doesn’t like the home they’ve made for themselves, it’s just he’s a man who needs enrichment in his enclosure and everyone knows it.

Ian finds himself “breaking” things on the downlow so he can subtly float a “hey could you look at the ___ today? I think it’s busted” over their morning coffee. He's not coddling him, he just likes knowing Mickey will have something to do while he’s at work besides pace the halls and make trouble for himself out of sheer boredom.

The first week is rough. But by the next week, things have evened out considerably for Mickey. He’s clearly found a passion in something, because Ian will come home and Mickey’ll be outside on the balcony, more or less where he left him that morning. And he’s pretty sure it’s not the tomatoes he’s got potted out there.

Ian doesn’t wanna pry, especially since Mickey’s found something that works for him. But he’s a curious being. So when he comes home the next day, he decides to follow after the sound of his beautiful house-arrest husband on the balcony.

“Ha… Dumbass…”

“Who is?”

Mickey quickly turns to him as Ian steps out, joining him at the rail for a welcome home kiss.

Or…rather, Ian is kissing and Mickey is grumbling against it. “No one…”

“Mm?”

“Home early.”

“Yeah,” Ian smiles, glancing curiously at the green-space that the balcony overlooks, “got done pretty quick today.” There’s no one there. Just a couple squirrels darting around by the bushes.

Mickey nods, taking a long drag from his cigarette. 

He’s clamming up. 

Ian definitely struck something.

Silence floats between them, Ian taking the cig for himself. And he almost lets it go until it happens - movement, Mickey’s eyes darting to it down below.

Ian follows it. Hears himself huff a laugh as he watches a squirrel tear at lightning speed to the bush across the way. “Fast little fucker.”

“Gonzales…”

“Huh?” Ian turns to him. 

But Mickey refuses to meet his gaze. “Speedy Gonzales,” he says. Very cryptically.

And Ian…doesn’t know what to do with that. He chuckles, teasing, “What, you out here namin’ the squirrels, Mick?”

Another handful of seconds float by them in complete silence. Avoided eye contact.

…oh.

Wait.

Holy fuck, he’s out here naming the squirrels.

“You got somethin’ to say, wise guy-”

“No!” Wow - no - Ian doesn’t-… It’s just how the hell is he supposed to process something this endearing in such a short time span? “No, baby - nothin’ wrong with it.” Oh no, his house-arrest husband is cute?? “I mean, Speedy Gonzales - you really nailed it, ya know?”

Beside him, Mickey’s shoulders are starting to deflate from where they’ve ratcheted up in defense mode. Not all the way, but starting at least. Ian thinks they should probably leave it at that for now, but then miraculously, he’s talking again. “Got no fuckin attention span… Been lookin’ for the same shit he buried since Monday.”

Ian takes it in with a carefully constructed expression, “Oh yeah?” no smile to misconstrue or anything. “Where’s it at?”

Because Mickey knows, doesn’t he?

“Big tree,” he nods to it, “right side.”

Holy fuck, Ian is so in love with this man.

“Almost got it before you came out.”

“You think I scared him off?”

“Nah, he’s a real dumbass. Probably woulda dug two times and then ran off somewhere else.” And then, like he didn’t just make Ian’s heart absolutely rock hard, he turns to the door. “Fuckin’ starvin’ - you bring anything home?”

They have sandwiches and potato chips and Ian practically has to eat his hands to stop himself from asking more questions about his husband’s squirrels.

On Saturday morning, Ian joins him outside to water his tomatoes and then lingers, eager for any tidbits Mickey might drop on his own. 

In the grass below, a squirrel clambers over a pile of dirt and then begins a session of quick digging, bringing a smile of recognition to Ian’s face. “Hi Speedy.”

“That’s Rat Tail,” Mickey corrects from his chair.

Oh. Right. “How can you tell?” Ian asks stupidly. Because all it takes is one look with his own eyeballs to note the thinning end of this particular squirrel’s tail. “Ah.” Rat Tail. Got it.

And so begins the introductions, the two of them sipping coffee as Mickey leisurely explains the lore to him. Ian didn’t realize squirrels lead such a rich, fulfilling life, honestly. Who could’ve known? 

Mickey, of course, his feet propped up on the railing and his ankle monitor blinking away while he points out new characters seemingly every morning.

“That’s Scratch.” and “That’s Little Bitch.” and “Damn, I thoughtchya kicked the bucket, Rabies.”

Each name takes its place on Ian’s mental list.

“That one’s Allen,” Mickey says once.

To which Ian simply has to ask, the fact that he shares a name with their neighbor surely no coincidence. “What? Why?”

“He’s short ‘n ugly.”

“Got it.”

By the start of the next week, Ian feels caught up on the ins and outs of the squirrel lore. But just like with his husband, there’s always something to learn.

“Hey Mick, is that one new?”

Mickey flicks his eyes up from his phone, identifying the squirrel on the fly. “Nah, just hasn’t shown up for you yet.” Ah. “That’s Little Fucker.”

Ian nods. Interesting. “Are Little Fucker and Little Bitch related?”

“I dunno. Think they’re bangin’ each other, though.”

“Of course.”

Ian sees himself and Mickey in Little Bitch and Little Fucker.

Week Four hits, and Mickey is starting to wonder why he ever dreaded house arrest so much. It’s really not all that bad, especially when he’s got a caring husband who gives a shit about his-

“MICKEY!” comes Ian’s voice, fucking tearing through the apartment and launching Mickey into a startled fumble and ‘the fuck’ with his wet towel. “MICK GET THE HELL OUT HERE - QUICK!”

He’s dripping wet and ten seconds away from making a b-line to the gun drawer, but when he sees his husband’s face practically pressed up against the screen door, his look of sheer excitement is contagious.

“The fuck?” Mickey snaps, keeping the towel around his waist, “The hell are you out here-”

“It’s Speedy, Mick!” Ian beams, opening the door for him and pointing dramatically toward the green-space. “He’s getting it! He’s gonna get it, finally!”

Mickey shuffles over to the rail, the history that’s being made making his blood run hot when he sees it with his own two eyes, Speedy Gonzales digging frantically at the exact spot that he’s been too much of a dumbass to check for a whole month.

He and Ian grow deathly still. Wait with bated breath. 

And then…finally…after weeks of anticipation…

“Oh my god,” Ian grins, both of them watching Speedy Gonzales stuff the acorn into his mouth and then dart for cover under the bushes.

“Well whaddaya know - stupid fucker actually did it.” About damn time.

Beside him, Ian wrangles Mickey wetly into his side, processing the moment proudly. Silence may float between them, but it’s positively electric. Fiery. And when Ian glances down with him, Mickey knows the exact look in his eyes.

“You bricked up right now?”

Ian nods, swallowing thickly.

Speedy Gonzales is left to eat in peace as the two of them push their way inside, eager to celebrate the rush Little Bitch and Little Fucker-style.

[yandere-paramour]

Yippee I’m back ☺️. Anyways I wanted to know how Atalanta and Vivien would react to a veryyyy energetic darling. Also I hope you’re doing well 💕

Vivien loves that you're so energetic! He is too!!! He can survive well on only 6 hours of sleep, and he would be perfectly glad to stay up late hanging out with you. You guys can do all sorts of indoor stuff like baking, repotting plants, building stuff, watching anime, having many vigorous rounds of sex, anything you want provided it won't wake the neighbors. During the day, if he's not at work, he wants to burn off all his energy with you by doing something where he can move around. He has a bike, and racing with you in the park is a particular favorite of his. He also likes to get your energy out by stimulation, like going to a new place or doing a new activity. If you're STILL buzzing with energy and you just can't rest without something shaking the bees out of you, he will gladly volunteer to wrestle you. He's definitely stronger than you, but he would never hurt you, it's purely for fun and so you both sleep well tonight. Usually, after all these activities you two pass out like a couple of overtired toddlers.

Atalanta is... less enthusiastic about it. After she gets home from a long day at work, she is a very sleepy girl. She just wants to eat dinner with you, take a bath with you, and fall asleep cuddling you. If you're bouncing off the walls when she gets home, she can't have her relaxing evening. Therefore, she needs to have you tired out before she gets home. Taking your interests and hobbies into account, Atalanta will arrange for your guards to provide adequate enrichment in your enclosure. If you like plants, she'll get you some space in your own private garden. If you need to physically work out your stress, she can get you a fun exercise class or even arrange for her trainer to give you both martial arts lessons. If you need intellectual stimulation, she'll create a business or charity in your name and have you run it. If you can't decide, you can do it all, provided you come visit her in the office at least thrice a week and you're always home and present when she's home. If you really truly need to do activities instead of lounging in the library/study reading on the weekends, she will accompany you.

[rainbowsuitcase]

What If... SHIELD found the Winter Soldier first

What If SHIELD wasn't Hydra And by first I mean, what if SHIELD found Bucky before they found Steve. Maybe he broke through the brainwashing for three seconds on a mission and that gave a SHIELD agent the edge they needed to take him down, I don't know. Point is, they get him.

But who they thought was a coldblooded killer turns out to be an empty shell of a man. They transfer him from a cell into a room and it feels a little like giving enclosure enrichment to a sloth - he doesn't really use it.

Of course, they identify him as James Barnes, the best friend of Captain America, but the only difference it makes is that they now know who he's talking about when he screams Steve's name in his sleep. He seems unable to recall the dreams or the man when he wakes up.

He fills the journals they give him with notes they can't really make sense of. Except for the many pages filled with descriptions of a train and chaotic drawings. After all, everyone knows how James Barnes died.

By the time Steve is found, there's probably some secret plan in works to make James back into a ruthless killing machine, for the good side this time.

Except Steve Rogers wakes up.

There are no plans to tell him, but when he's given the files on his dead friends, Natasha secretly swaps the James Barnes file with the one Steve doesn't actually have clearance for.

The one that's a few pages thicker, the one with photos in color and the therapist notes. The one that, instead of Status: Classified, says Status: Alive.

As Natasha predicted, and wanted, hell breaks loose. She has the honor of being right there when Steve Rogers marches into Fury's office and demans an explanation with all his Captain America determination.

"You're not supposed to have that file," is the first thing Fury tells him and it's certainly one of the worst things he could have said.

Steve huffs. "I thought I saw him die," he says slowly. "And you weren't going to tell me?"

"We had no immediate plans to, no." Where's Steve's calm is full of barely held back anger, Fury doesn't seem the least bit thrown off.

Steve's jaw clenches and Natasha braces herself for the moment he explodes. "Where is he?"

"You don't have the clearence for that-"

"I don't give a fuck about your clearence!" There it is. "Where is he?"

"He isn't-"

"I can take you to him, if you want to." Natasha leans forward, to come into the Captain's line of vision, with a friendly smile.

Fury's expression is anything but. "Romanoff," he tries to warn her, but she shrugs.

"What? You really want to try and stop him?"

Rogers looks ready to tear this place apart and Natasha isn't stupid enough to stand in his way - especially not when this is exactly what she wanted.

Fury glances between the two of them and realizes he's been outplayed. He sighs. "We will talk about this later."

"You will not," Steve steps in firmly. It's sweet, Natasha decides when the Captain turns to her and tries to look less pissed off. "Miss Romanoff, shall we?"

They walk out of Fury's office in silence, but as they head towards the elevator, Natasha can see Steve searching for something to say. Not in the mood for small talk, she decides to speak up fist.

"I think you should know, Captain, that your friend isn't exactly doing well."

Steve's eyes widen. "Is he-"

Natasha shakes her head. "No one here has hurt him." She gives him a moment to feel the relief of it, pressing the button to one of the lower floors. "But, before SHIELD found him...."

"I know. I read his file."

Of course he has. Natasha should have known he'd try to find as much as he could on his own before marching in to demand actual answers.

"Good. Then you know not to expect much," she says. "For what it's worth, I do believe that he's still your best friend. Maybe seeing you is just what he needs to remember that."

The elevator door slides open quietly and Steve steps out with determination, but when he notices that Natasha isn't moving with him, he pauses. "Romanoff-"

"Natasha," she insists. She's sure they'll be seeing more of each other.

"Steve." The Captain nods. "Thank you, Natasha."

"I didn't do anything," she corrects him, but she smiles. "Good luck." With that, she pushes the button to close the door. She wouldn't want to intrude on a reunion.

Steve has no trouble finding Bucky's room, because there's a nametag on the door. He doesn't take a deep breath, he doesn't brace himself before knocking and maybe that's why he feels like falling apart the moment his formerly dead best friend open the door.

"Bucky."

Bucky squints at him, like he doesn't trust his eyes. This man in front of him looks so familiar, but that's not possible, is it? Except yes, it is real.

"You're Steve," he whispers.

And suddenly all his dreams make sense.

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

Fic background ask question! You mentioned that you chose House Costayne for Otto’s mother’s house, what drew you to that house specifically? Did that house influence Otto or his mother in any specific way? 🖤💛

Ahh, thank youu! This is gonna be very long & rambly, so I'm putting it under a cut

So, ngl, I haven't fleshed out Hobert & Otto's mom a whole lot--and given that Steffan Rhodri (Hobert's actor) & Rhys Ifans are both in their mid 50s when HOTD starts, it feels like a safe assumption that both their parents are probably dead & not just their dad. So I've been working with the assumption that Unnamed Costayne Mother had them a bit later in life & has been dead since my fic started (not unlike Lord Yorbert Royce, but hers was just plain "being old" instead of cancer). So you can see why I thought "maybe I don't need to do a whole bunch with her," especially given how expansive the cast of the fic already is.

Mostly, I picked her being part of House Costayne because I thought it would be so silly if Hobert & Otto just were the cousins of Ella, Yorick, & Aemon's uncle. A kind of Five Degrees of Kevin Bacon thing. So many people are so many other people's cousins in my fic that it's just very "Why not? It's very silly at this point." So that's why those guys' mom is the paternal aunt of Lord Owen Costayne, who is Lady Rhea Royce's brother-in-law (the one she likes). It's funny to me if those two guys are related to Stoic Sports Man Who Lets His Wife Peg Him & have that much more connection to my main OCs (especially since Otto is beefing with Yorick when he's a literal small child for no other reason than "this is my rival's son").

The secondary, & less crucial to my decision making, reason I picked House Costayne is that if I'm already altering canon so much in terms of shuffling some of the Dance alliances around, & was already planning to make the Costaynes be with The Greens because them siding against their liege lords apropos of nothing didn't make sense to me, then why not just give them a whole bunch of connections there? I'm already giving House Costayne a reason to side with Aegon (their Lady is the aunt of my OCs), so let's just make Lord Owen be Otto's cousin too! So it's really more "just tie these guys to the Hightowers even more than they were before."

A thing to remember about me is, "yes I know the lore, but I also sometimes forget it." This is how we get things like "I accidentally made Borros Baratheon have a connection to Criston Cole because I forgot which house Criston's dad works for" & "I accidentally made implications that Otto is, like, probably the nephew of Elinor Costayne." So that's fun. SOTF Version of Ser Otto Hightower, man that you are. Being Hand for 3 Targaryen Kings (pay no attention to him getting fired twice) while also very much having a mom who was directly related to one of the Black Brides. I have Elinor in my big, main family tree & still forgot that implication & it makes everything have directly trackable motivations, but also be so, so much funnier. Hand to the guy who almost killed Maegor out of some weird sense of ambitious gratitude (the throne beat Jaehaerys to it, & honestly, slay), Hand to that guy's grandson to try & nip future problems in the bud (& stay on that bureaucratic grindset), beef with your boss's brother because "I don't like his vibe. He might try some fuckshit--don't you remember what happened last time one of you guys had a little brother with a wife he disliked & zero enrichment in his enclosure?," spend the rest of his life trying to head off issues that may or may not exist. I'm not saying I've made Otto an unintentional hero or that he's justified & absolved in anything, because he absolutely 10000000% is not. I'm saying I've made him be a character in a workplace comedy who thinks he's in a prestige drama, because SOTF is a comedy actually.

The weird cocktail of "your dad was an overly strict prick with standards in the stratosphere who never said he was proud or hugged either of you," & "equally kind of cold & pragmatic mom who had to helplessly watch as her relative was forced to marry The Actual Worst Guy To Happen To Westeros So Far & just never recovered" is what made Hobert & Otto Like That

[parragone]

Joke's on you nonnie I'm gonna ramble about them regardless because I DELIGHT in Maestro and Smoke, they're something I enjoy

Genuinely, Maestro struggles with being tied down. Maestro struggles with consistency and calm. He genuinely needs the spice of life, or he feels like he's withering on the inside. The man needs enrichment in his enclosure, and God damn does Smoke provide that in so many ways.

Smoke engages a part of him that he truly, honestly didn't think anyone could engage. Smoke makes him think on the spot, forces him to consider and reconsider his stances - both mental and physical. There's a constant underlying challenge to James Porter and it's strange for Maestro to think of him as anything less than necessary, sometimes.

Is Smoke restless? Yes. Is he reckless? Also yes. But Maestro recognizes that and somehow sates both of those things in a way none of Smoke's prior partners could. In the ring, they drag out their sparring matches for hours until both of them feel like their bones are burning from the strain. Maestro entertains Smoke's more inane attempts to dismantle his attempts while punishing the outright dangerous. Smoke keeps Maestro thinking, keeps him grounded, forces him to be aware and oh how delighted Maestro is by the sheer immediacy of Smoke.

Smoke keeps his interest. He keeps Smoke's interest, too, he makes the man hungry for interaction and attention and somehow sates that hunger in the same breath. They love to touch and share space, they have this nearly inseparable nature to them that ties them to each other. So long as one is close, the other won't be hard to find.

Even outside the ring, they're so well matches - Smoke loves his stories of mayhem and enjoys hearing about the genuinely stupid shit Maestro got up to when he was younger. Maestro is fascinated by Smoke's natural calling as a chemist and will sit to listen to the man chatter on about his work for hours, even when it goes well beyond his own understanding. They bond over mutual love for music and the arts, they share the same sort of insatiable need to just be allowed to be.

It's not a desperate relationship but it's a passionate one, full of love and laughter and cherishing the present in case the future slips away.

[fireteam-silent]

Khalom blinked, her head tilting to mirror his own, and frowned thoughtfully. The "Witch" likely meant Savathûn but she wasn't sure who this Titan was. Surely not Zavala? Well, either way, if Zavala had signed off on this, Khalom was going to have to double the amount of noise makers she snuck into his office. At least Rhulk wasn't being kept in a tube like the Lucent Hive prisoners, however necessary that had been.

"Well the tiger clearly needs more enrichment in his enclosure," she said, hopping down off the pillar to approach the near invisible wall. Now that she was certain Rhulk couldn't harm her, she was less nervous about getting close. "I mean, even if you're planning the destruction of like... everything, you at least deserve a bed and a book to read." She wondered if Rhulk liked poetry? "It ain't right to keep someone without the base necessities."

What information could they possibly get from Rhulk anyway? They didn't have a Psion to hook him into, and she doubted Rhulk would ever tell them anything. He seemed too steadfast and loyal to the Witless to willingly give up anything, and in torture didn't actually work, even if the Vanguard decided to do something to abhorrent.

Khalom settled on the pillar, sitting with her feet dangling, as Rhulk calmed down. At least, he was less spiky-scary now, if really tall. The images from the Fireteam that took him down-- supposedly took him down-- didn’t do justice on what a proud and powerful creature Rhulk was, even with the collar and strange cage he was in.

“Nope, wasn’t sent by nobody,” she said with a shrug. “I’m probably not even supposed to be here, if I’m honest. I thought this place was empty now.”

She takes his sneer and scornful look in stride, unbothered by whatever it was he saw in her. “The Vanguard reports said you were dead, and I figured a big empty Pyramid would be a great place to practice my Grappling and swinging around.” She did have to wonder, were the reports wrong? Was Rhulk only mostly dead when the raid team left? Or did the Witless have the ability to bring back Its disciples, much like how Lucid could bring her back?

Or perhaps...

“Who’re your captors?” She asked, head tilted. Did the Vanguard lie? Khalom was just a new Light, barely 3 years Risen, and she certainly didn’t have the clearance to read top secret reports. Seeing Rhulk like this... it did, in a way, remind her of the Psion and the Hive. Of Crow’s feelings of injustice and mercy. She had felt it too, and she found herself hoping that the Vanguard wasn’t doing anything untoward.

[llamagoddessofficial]

Got hit by my first wave of inspiration for a while, and decided to ride it out instead of fighting it. So, for anyone who wants it... have Mc’s first meeting with Zoo!Naga Skull. (Yes, the one that ended in kidnapping ;) )

Nervous was an understatement.

“Keep track of him at all times. Always make sure you can get to the door, never let him cut you off. Don’t underestimate him just because he’s blindfolded.”

You could feel your heart hammering in your chest so loudly it was getting hard to pay full attention to Maggie, the senior zoo staff member in front of you, hard to keep a grip on the large and heavy bucket of meat clenched tightly in one hand and the hooked feeding pole in the other. You weren’t even supposed to be doing this, you were too low down on the zoo staff ladder... you should’ve been feeding the little snakes or the herbivores, you should be years away from this level of care! The naga were already leagues above your pay grade, and now they wanted you to feed the biggest one of them all!?

I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be doing this. You cringed- but I can’t refuse, I need this job!

“Talk to him, move loudly, make sure he knows where you are because the last thing you want is to spook him. I know you’ve had good experiences with the other two naga but that doesn’t mean you should ever let your guard down, understand?”

“... Yes.” You said, voice barely above a whisper, grip sweaty on the feeding pole. You couldn’t help it, your eyes flicked down to her left hand- the one she didn’t have anymore, the one that had just a wrist stump remaining.

“... You’ll be fine. We’ll all be watching, if something does happen for some reason we can get in and help you.” She took on a slightly more comforting tone, noticing your line of sight. Her injury was the reason she wasn’t the one bringing the naga his food, given her senior position and superior experience. “I got this when I was young and cocky, and because I followed the safety protocol I lost a hand and not a neck. So long as you stick to the rules and don’t do anything stupid, you won’t have a problem with him. Ok?”

“A-are you sure I’m...”

“Yes, you’re ready. You’ve dealt with the other two.” She cut over you, turning you by the shoulder. “Now go, before Skull gets hungrier.”

And just like that, you were pushed through the door of the enclosure, that shut firmly behind you. The secondary door opened... and despite the fact that every part of you was cold and shaking, you had no choice but to go forward. As scared as you were, someone needed to get the naga fed... someone needed to go straight into the beast’s den.

... You stepped into the enclosure.

It was built to resemble a near-surface cave; the walls and floor were made of slightly uneven smoothed stone, with a few windowed ‘cracks’ in the fake stalactite ceiling providing enough daylight to see by. There were some interesting objects to provide a little enrichment, like ‘boulders’, patches of fake grass, a little filtered waterfall dribbling into a relatively shallow pool... and a small tunnel, leading to a den with no windows he could juuust about curl up in so he could have some privacy.

... Inside that den, you could see a hint of a steely blue-grey... scales.

... You sucked in a tiny breath through your nose, and stepped further forward, following the zoo protocol of tapping the metal end of the pole lightly against the bucket of food to let him know it was feeding time. It took a moment for there to be a reaction, but... slowly, surely, the mass of muscle resting inside the den began to shift.

Giant claws hooked over the stone edges of the den entrance, bone hands as big as your head... the thing about Red and Sans is they were very vocal naga, Sans regularly hissing and snarling and Red making curious rattling and purring sounds. But with Skull... there was nothing but the low sliding sound of scales against rock, that sounded long and oh-so heavy.

... He emerged, head moving into the light, vicious cranium crack and tight fitted black blindfold plain to see... with just his skeletal torso out he was already almost as big as you. A shot of panic doused your system and you had to clench your teeth together to stop yourself from crying, or dropping everything and bolting back through the door. The rest of him followed after; the long snake tail that made up over three quarters of his body length coiling behind him as he raised himself up, gathering like a loosened rope, thicker than you were wide... faded blue and littered with scars that just didn’t seem to catch the light in the same way the other two nagas did.

He was... huge. You knew this already, but there was something different about seeing him with nothing in the way.

... You had to swallow the terror again, no longer able to tap on the food bucket as your hands were shaking too much. I’m fine. I’m fine. The door is right behind me.

... He was keeping his distance from you, head turned downward slightly, facing in the direction of the bucket. A flash of blue around his mouth- his forked tongue flickering rapidly, which could either signal curiosity, hunger or both. The pounding in your chest became more intense.

“... H-hey, big guy.” You stammered, keeping your voice as gentle as possible, as low and soft as you could in order to not spook him. He reacted immediately, his head cocking a little, raising to face directly at you instead of the bucket as if making eye contact despite the blindfold- just get this over with, (y/n), just get this over with. “...  I-I’m... supposed to talk to you, to let you know where I am... talking worked with the other two, I... h-hope it works with you, too.”

You put the bucket on the ground, sliding a decently heavy chunk of the special treated naga-friendly meat onto it. Skull had a unique feeding hook; it was much longer than usual, slightly difficult to handle, but reinforced along the inside to facilitate easier feeding from a distance. You raised the pole with the hung meat and slid it slowly closer to him, keeping careful watch of the way his tongue would flicker toward the food... you were so ready to bolt. You just needed to get this done.

“I’m, uhm...” You felt like an idiot. You could feel all the other staff members watching. “The food’s on the hook. You probably know that already, but...”

... He moved forward and caught the chunk straight off the hook, swallowing it without any chewing or pausing, then going immediately back to sitting there, patiently, watching. Waiting for more. You brought the hook back, putting on another piece, moving it toward him again... careful to keep hold on the pole despite your sweaty palms.

... He was eating as quickly as your unpractised snail-pace would allow, but most notably.. without issue. You finally felt a droplet of relief in the sea of fear; he was eating normally, he wasn’t being aggressive or trying to approach... this was going pretty well, for your first time feeding the moodiest naga in the zoo.

“... There we go. Good, this is going good. Please don’t eat me.” You half-joked, repeating the process. Retract pole, hook meat, offer it out. Starting to get into a rhythm. “... I hope you’re always this relaxed with me. That would be really helpful.”

He took the meat again, obediently. You let out a tiny sigh; the more he just did what he was supposed to, the calmer and more comfortable you felt. He’d probably learned by now that it was just best to get the food offered, instead of biting the hand that was feeding him.

... Or biting it off.

“... Everyone’s watching. I think they’re waiting for me to mess up. Do something dumb and get kicked out.” You mumbled. You felt... surprisingly not-awkward? Sometimes, when you spoke to the animals, you felt weird because they clearly didn’t care... but in this case, you got a strange feeling from the way his head would twitch and follow you despite the meat, how his tongue would flicker only when you’d stopped talking. It felt like he was... actually listening?

Besides. Nobody could fault you for talking to the naga to keep it calm and not-murderous as you passed him food from as large a distance as possible, right? If it worked, it worked, and you kept your limbs.

“... There we go.” You said, as you passed him the last piece- you then tapped the side of the empty bucket with the hook like you’d been told to, so he’d hear the hollow sound and understand there was no more food, before you picked it up again. You felt... a lot less terrified? Still nervous, but not like you were about to throw up. 

“... Uhm... thank you.” Your voice was still pretty small. “For... being calm. I appreciate it.”

... He stayed where he was. You felt, again, like he was watching you, despite him having no vision.

...

You took a step back, ready to go back through the door and throw up... but as soon as your foot sounded against the stone floor...

Everything about him changed. 

His lips and teeth parted... and the most powerful hiss you’d ever heard filtered out, filling the room, tearing through the air and right through your body. Like someone had set off a huge firework but it just kept hissing and hissing and hissing, deep and loud and intertwined with an open-mouthed growl, it echoed off the walls and shook everything inside. It was as if someone had flipped a switch in his head, something inside him had snapped; his shoulders rose, tail beginning to move across the floor and rearrange itself. It sounded like... a warning.

You froze, heart dropping into your stomach, all the warmth and colour draining from your face.

...Oh no.

... The hissing stopped, but he kept his new position. He’d stopped in a more aggressive, coiled posture like a tightened spring, tongue now flickering constantly.

...

“... Maggie.” You said, voice cracking, essentially calling for help. Your eyes were locked onto him, you couldn’t remember any of the safety protocols for aggressive naga, every part of you was petrified, you couldn’t feel your hands or toes you could only feel the pounding in your own head. You were afraid to blink- it was going TOO well, I’ve used up my luck, it’s all gonna go wrong now!

“... Okay, just relax.” You heard her voice over the exhibit speaker system but you daren’t turn your head away to look at where she was. “He probably just doesn’t trust you yet, and is getting possessive over food he thinks might still be in the bucket. Okay? Use the pole to push the bucket toward him.”

You swallowed, following her advice; you set the bucket down without taking your gaze off him as if your feet were glued to the earth, and then used the end of the pole to push the bucket across the floor. It made an ugly scraping/rattling sound as it moved.

... He wasn’t even turning toward it. He wasn’t paying attention to it. His attention seemed steadfastly on you, if his head direction was any way to tell. You were sweating, your neck hairs were prickling.

“Alright. Now back away slowly.”

... One step back.

He immediately started hissing again, even louder this time, with deafening aggravation... he lowered his head.

A strike position.

You didn’t hear Maggie’s shout over the speaker system, you could hear nothing but your heart and his hissing. The rabbit-like urge to RUN overtook your whole body, something in you shattered, and you staggered backward with the intent to turn and dive for the door.

... The speed at which he crossed the entire enclosure would’ve been incredible in any other circumstance. 

He lurched with all the power readied in the wound muscles in his tail, striking forward so quickly it was like he vanished from his spot, and suddenly you were screaming as the pole was knocked out of your hands. Suddenly something huge and hard was gripping you and your clothes and your legs went out from under you, the world was dark and turning and you brought your hands up over your head in an instinctive defensive posture, you faintly heard the sound of dozens of voices shouting out in synchrony but everything was ringing, the heels of your boots were dragging so quickly across the floor it felt like the friction was going to burn through them and kicking your legs into nothingness as a pathetic attempt at attack/escape did genuinely nothing, you cried out...

... And then just like that, your body came to a halt; you’d stopped moving.

You opened your eyes, forcing in deep terrified breaths, finding yourself in almost total darkness and taking only a few milliseconds to realise you were inside his den. It was so cramped and the floor and walls were moving, why were they moving, you put out a hand to try and steady yourself or get to your feet...

...

That wasn’t the floor or walls. Your hand landed on smooth, hard scales.

You were on him. You were on his coiled tail.

You made a sound you could only describe as a broken whimper-cry of fear and tried to sit up and get some control, but it was almost impossible as he was still moving, his body shifting and writhing underneath you and forcing you to only sink deeper into his scales, deeper into his hold. Something wound around you, starting from your chest and moving down to your knees, binding your legs together- and the scariest part was that you could feel the power as he shifted, you could feel the strength behind the scales when they pressed against you. He was a living muscle, and with little more than a flex he could squeeze, and you’d go squish.

That’s what’s going to happen. He’s going to constrict me to death! Your breathing was getting so fast your chest was heaving, you tried to push the coils on your middle but it was like pushing the unmoving floor, you were getting dizzy with panic, you started to beat them with your fists, S-someone help me-!

His face came into view. Hovering over you, only just silhouetted by the light creeping into the entrance of the den.

... Once again, everything in your body just... stopped. 

All thought, all movement, everything froze, as you stared up at him with wide eyes.

... He’d removed his own blindfold. A bright, blood red ring was gazing down at you... fuzzy around the edges, the hole in the centre nothing but a dot.

... His own movements were slowing, as he apparently settled on the position he was in. You were almost horizontal, your head lifted up ever-so-slightly, everything lower than your chest totally bound and covered and crushed under more of his body. He was so close.

...

He was warm. Like summer’s day. And he was... just staring.

...

You could hear absolute havoc breaking outside of his den. But even so, your breathing was slowing... you were calming, despite it all. Something about his eye... the way he was hanging his head... how his tongue just ever-so-slightly peeked out of his mouth, as if only curious...

... How he hadn’t killed you yet. He wasn’t squeezing. You felt so, so very tiny, trapped in the coils of a giant naga...

Why hasn’t he...?

...

A single, sharp phalange moved over to your face. You naturally flinched leaned away at the sight of such huge claws coming close, sucking in a breath... and as soon as you did, he... paused? He took a moment, with his your-head-sized hand just hanging there... 

... Like he was giving you a second? He held your eye.

... When he started moving again, he moved so slowly. So gently... and he turned the hand over, brushing the back of his thick knuckle across your cheek with a feather-light touch. His hands were warm, too.

...

It was a like a cat, the way his eyelight widened, blowing to fill his whole socket.

He seemed to lose whatever self control was making him move slowly, and instead his massive head leant in, before you could so much as muster the energy or presence of mind to squeak he pressed his face flush against the side of yours with his teeth just under your ear. Instead you just let in another tiny breath of shock and felt a shiver travel across the whole length of your body- he was nuzzling, with an unmistakable joy, parts of his tail moving ever-so-slightly like he just couldn’t contain himself. In amongst the gleeful nuzzling he took a few inquisitive breaths in your hair, his tongue flickering out and surprising you with how ticklish it was- you brought your shoulder up in defence but he seemed to like that tiny reaction and did it again, chasing your sensitive spots.

“G- ah, stop!” You said, but less out of fear and more out of ticklishness- you couldn’t get away from him, it was like being fussed by a giant overly affectionate puppy. He was breathing right down your ear, and his breath and tongue made everything prickle, you tried to put your hands over your neck but he wasn’t having it. “... G-guys? Guys, are you out there?!”

You distinctly heard someone mutter ‘oh my God, she’s alive’, before a sharp “Play dead! We’re coming to get you!” sounded pretty close to the den. 

... You saw Skull’s reaction- and by saw, you meant heard and felt. As soon as he seemed to realise they were approaching the entrance to his hide, he stopped nuzzling, face still against your neck... and a slow, upset snarl began to filter out of his chest, and seeing as you were surrounded by him it was deep and so close it was vibrating your insides. At the same time, his snake body shifted and started to tighten, slowly moving to cover you more, bring you in further into his coils... trap you underneath.

“N-no, no!” You said, panic at possibly being constricted to death rearing its head again. “Don’t come any closer without sedatives, please!”

“... What the hell’s going on in there?!”

“H-he’s just... he’s just got me wrapped up.” You stammered, swallowing, wishing you could see them instead of the den ceiling right now; your voice had a strange, echoing quality inside the small space. “I-I can’t move. When you come closer it agitates him and he squeezes. Don’t come closer. Please just go get sedatives.”

“... Are you sure you’re okay in there?” You could hear them backing up, thank fuck. And he could definitely hear them too, noticeably relaxing. “It’s gonna take us a while to get anything strong enough for him.”

... Skull let out a strange, deathly soft hiss, apparently really liking your hair... so quiet, only the two of you could hear it. His scales were warm, and although you were trapped, it almost felt like he’d deliberately trapped you in this reclined position in order to make sure you were comfortable in his grip.

...

“Y-yeah, I... I think I’m fine for now. Just please don’t take too long.”

[cactus-chowder]

🌵 12/12/21 | Journal

Please don’t reblog

I was trying to figure out a new book to read & I kept coming up against internal friction that’s telling me I know exactly what kind of weirdly specific vibe I’m after, & I don’t want to sit on a carpet square & listen to someone else tell a story that’s not that. And like, ok but that doesn’t include any kind of useful strategy for actually finding this rare unicorn of a story and reading it? So I’m kicking around an idea for a (short??) story I could start throwing together to see what happens. I only just started coming up with ideas last night, so I don’t have a whole lot thought out. But it’s called Black Hole Holiday, and it’s about two rival factions who are sent on a voyage into deep space to collaborate on a project... and yeah, you’re never going to guess what they find out there. 

I’m vibrating from wanting to pounce on the concept of human computers from Dune & get into how fucked up it is to distinguish ‘useful’ neurodivergence, turn it into a product and a tool, bake it into society as normal, and treat it as some kind of honor, if you really think about it... but lifting the concept exactly would definitely go too far to count as ‘taking inspiration.’ However, I’m sure I’ll find plenty to explore in the character arc of Holiday Enger, a physicist who works for the less reputable of the two factions. Not Dr. Holiday Enger; he didn’t come by his expertise from the traditional route of a university. He would call himself a physist-ish, with a cheerful little ‘not quite but sort of’ hand motion. He’s definitely not qualified in the slightest for the role of hero, which is why I’m hiring him as the main character immediately. When it comes to favorite characters you give them a new name & figure your exact way of liking them is original & put them in the duffel bag & run.

I want to see if I can get a cheeky ‘good guys vs. bad guys’ vibe going, without things devolving into ‘popular ppl vs. misfits’ & not being about morality in any way, and also without things devolving into ‘evil is okay if you’re sad’? Writing about villains interacting with each other is VERY fun and interesting when you take the attitude like. None of these characters is the one with the moral high ground, and any time any character ruthlessly and selfishly inconveniences or one-ups any other character, karma has been enacted & the story gets 1 point. 

Supposing this project takes off I’ll post more about it on my writeblr @cc-morgan​ I had another project going on there, & I hate to abandon projects & start new ones. But right now I have a lot on my plate irl & it’s more about generating enrichment for the enclosure than anything. A writing project is a damn good scratching post, I’m just gonna get what I need & not worry about it :’) 

[solacefruit]

hello! something i really enjoy about your stories is how naturally you blend worldbuilding and stories within the actual story itself - do you have any advice on how to do that effectively? i always worry i'm going to too far into "just listing off facts about the world" in the middle of a story if i try and include TOO much worldbuilding, but i'm a big lover of worldbuilding and have a hard time not planning out every detail

Hello there! Thank you so much. Stories within stories (fun fact: this technique is called mise en abîme or mise en abyme) is something that I’m really enthralled by and that I’ve worked hard to try to get the hang of in my own work, so it’s wonderful to know it’s something you enjoy about my writing! That feels very good to hear. 

As far as advice goes, I can offer the following thoughts:

Whatever amount of world-building you think is enough, go slightly under it. What I mean by this is that very often less is more when it comes to building a world (see my notes on Pullman’s Northern Lights here). By using a bit of restraint and cutting things down just a touch on your final edit, you can help yourself resist the thrall of the too much gene that many writers experience when talking about their world-building. Ask yourself “does this need to be here, or am I just excited to share it?” 

Unfortunately, if it’s just the latter, it’s probably a good idea to trim it: lean storytelling keeps readers hungry, and hungry readers usually ask for more. Trouble is, as a writer, you’ve got to be the one to remember that it’s always better to leave while a crowd is wanting more than stay until the crowd is begging you to stop. (cough several media series we could mention cough)

An example of this would be in a world where there are ten gods. In your first chapter, you don’t need to list all the gods. You can maybe mention one or two, and perhaps imply there’s more. Immediately, that creates mystery and a sense of a larger world; a reader gets to wonder, who are these other gods...

You mentioned you’re a planner, so I want to reassure you: keeping the story trim doesn’t mean all your planning is wasted! If you, the writer, knows the details of your world, it will come through in everything you write. The fact you know all the answers means you have a lot of control over what you want to reveal, when, where, and how. Which leads me to:

When possible, world-build obliquely. What I mean by this is that a lot of world-building can be done in subtle ways, that leave impressions of the world without having to be told directly by a character. You also can stretch out details, sprinkling them only here and there, meaning that it takes multiple chapters to piece together concepts or institutions or other world-building elements. 

Doing this can help make it never feel like an exposition dump or listing off facts, because you’re putting only tasty little morsels in (sometimes hidden) for readers to find or look back on later. The reason for it is the same as why keepers will scatter-feed animals in enclosures: enrichment. If you dump it all in one place, the animal will eat, get full and/or bored, and won’t feel good. But if you make it into a puzzle to solve, the emotional reward of finding and figuring things out for yourself is so much nicer than whatever you’re finding, usually. (Sorry to keep using animal metaphors for readers, but like... it works).

An example of this would be something like:

Anwar turned the corner onto the opulent mosaic path of the shrine district and continued towards the temple of Kenuf, furthest from the city centre. On either side, acolytes of all kinds were leaving offerings--jars of salt for Meshut, baskets of yellow lilies for Pesht--and the air was thick with the smell of incense, making his eyes water slightly. He walked as quickly as he could past the grinning crocodile faces carved on the outer wall of the second last temple, before greeting the black-robed bell-keeper outside of Kenuf’s shrine.  

I’ve made this up off the cuff so none of it “means” anything, but if we look at what’s here, we learn the following:

there’s at least four gods, possibly more

Pesht’s devotees leave yellow lilies, but we don’t know what Pesht is god of yet

Meshut’s devotees leave jars of salt, but ditto above

Kenuf’s shrine is furthest from the city (does this imply it is least favoured? or maybe least used?)

all gods seem to be named in consonant-e pattern (pe-, me-, ke-), but we don’t know yet if this is meaningful or coincidental (but if you wanted it to be, make all gods and maybe royals have this same pattern and just... leave it. let your reader infer from the text that the pattern signifies divinity)

the unnamed god is represented by crocodile iconography

the bell-keeper of Kenuf wears black robes (is this a uniform, or just a fashion choice?)

Anwar does not feel comfortable with the unnamed god in this passage (scared? disdainful? a mystery...)

A “too much” passage would offer lengthy descriptions of every shrine, listing what the offerings were and what the acolytes and other staff wore and Anwar’s thoughts about how he felt about each of the ten gods. It’s not impossible to write something like that that’s good, I do want to point out! But if you’re looking to slim things down, less is more, space out details over multiple chapters. 

Write for your ideal reader, who is clever and attentive. Some writers fall into the habit of over-explaining their world (resulting in info-dumping) because they don’t trust their readers to get the “right” vision of their world, or because they’re worried readers will overlook all the cool stuff they’ve put in. I can recommend not doing this and part of getting to that point is imagine you’re writing for the perfect reader of your story, who does get it and will look for all the cool clever tricky things you sneakily put in. Will every reader be that person? Definitely not! But if you write for that reader, you will elevate your work, rather than dumb it down and make it heavy with unneeded hand-holding. 

This kind of overlaps with the above in the sense that it boils down to “you’re allowed to leave things out, let readers make the intellectual leaps based on the pieces you give them” but it’s also saying that you’re allowed to let things rest. Put in subtle symbolism and never draw attention to it. 

Additionally, as the creator, you know all the information about the world, which is a huge power and means you can choose the exact right moments to reveal meaningful, revelatory details. For example, somewhere around chapter three or four: 

Anwar closed the door of his room, walked to the wall shrine, and fell to his knees, pulling the curtain aside. 

“Ye’emer, it is done,” he said, looking at the floor. “It is finally done.”

In the distance, the bells of the temple of Kenuf began to ring: a strident sound, sharp and mournful. The dawn acolytes must have found the body already. 

He reached forward, carefully placing the offering on the black silk of the tiny altar. The chips of animal bone looked like stars at night, bright white in the dark. 

“I don’t know why you chose me,” said Anwar, forcing himself to look up. 

The burning eyes of the crocodile statue stared back. 

And now you get to go ohhhh. You know the name of the god now, you know the offering, you know (or at least can speculate better at) why Anwar felt so uncomfortable near the temple. If you time when you reveal world-building details, you can make them do so much work for you in telling your story. 

Make up lies about your world--or at least, untruths. This maybe sounds counter-intuitive, but there is a logic in it. Most of us are not experts on our world, and your characters should be the same. They should be biased in their perspective, or limited by what they know, or perhaps even inclined to embellish details. If two characters talk about the same event, make them have personal feelings about it! Unless your character is a historian, their account of a historical event probably isn’t going to be totally correct or certain about all the details, and that’s not a bad thing. You can use that to weave in ambiguity or intrigue, or leave out important facts that will become relevant later, or contradict it later with a different telling and make the protagonist have to question who to trust or what’s the truth. 

As a species, everything we do is stories. The concept of a nation is a story we tell ourselves about what it is to be “us.” Who we each are is a story we are always telling to ourselves: I am me because I do x, I am me because I don’t do y. Often, these things aren’t The Truth so much as they are A Truth, so when it comes to writing stories into your stories, don’t forget to think about the stories characters are telling themselves about who they are. And remember that all characters are unreliable narrators, because they’re people and they’re filtering the world through their perspective. You can do so much with that. 

Use stories to create meaningful parallels for the larger narrative. If you’re featuring a story (which I’ll call tale from here, to cut down on confusion) within your story, it needs to be doing something more than just telling the reader facts about the world or passing the time. One way to make sure you’re doing that is thinking about parallels, which is to say, think of how the tale can impact the “real world” of your story. This might be the protagonist having a realisation or plot breakthrough, or later deciphering out important information or applying ideas from the story to a problem they encounter. 

You also can (and often should) create tonal and emotional parallels within the tale as well and/or use tales as a form of foreshadowing. For a very basic example, in a story that involves a protagonist who gets trapped in a big horrible maze later in the book might feature a version of Minotaur in the Labyrinth as foreshadowing, and the character might have a fleeting thought about it that later will resurface with new significance. 

I hope some of this is helpful to you! Good luck with you writing, and please write in again if there’s anything I can help with. 

tl;dr: my tips are:

do a little less and space out what you tell your reader

don’t say directly what you can imply or gesture vaguely at

write cleverly and time your moments

make use of ambiguity

make the story impact the real world

[vagrantblvrd]

Skies So Blue (1/1)

Summary: There’s always a problem when it comes to the crew.

Always.

Said problems range from minor inconveniences like a diet eCola shortage in the penthouse to life-threatening injuries. (Sometimes one leads to the other because the ones with an addiction to the stuff are certifiable, but that’s another problem altogether.)

Notes: An Anon wanted my thoughts on this GTA V video. :D?

(Read on AO3)

There’s always a problem when it comes to the crew.

Always.

Said problems range from minor inconveniences like a diet eCola shortage in the penthouse to life-threatening injuries. (Sometimes one leads to the other because the ones with an addiction to the stuff are certifiable, but that’s another problem altogether.)

The current problem is that Geoff’s out of town for business and he took both Alfredo and Matt, arguably the last two sane members of the crew left besides Trevor himself. And while Trevor is in charge these days, you wouldn’t notice by the way they act.

(Geoff warned him though, when he and Lindsay handed the reins over. Told him all about how they were horrible human beings and, “God have mercy on your soul, because the bastard sure as hell had none for mine,” and left for what he insisted was a long overdue vacation from the crew. Lindsay had laughed as she patted him on the cheek with a “You poor, stupid bastard,” before going off to rain chaos on the unsuspecting now she was free to do so.)

Geoff is out of town, the crew treats Trevor like a substitute teacher in an 80s/early 90s movie, and to make matters worse? It’s been a while since the crew’s pulled a heist or a job that requires more than the bare minimum from them.

They’re bored.

They’re bored and Trevor’s learned that a bored Fake AH Crew is a dangerous Fake AH Crew because they make their own entertainment.

While some good things have come out of their shenanigans in the past – improved team morale for starters – said shenanigans also draw unwanted attention from local law enforcement that’s no good for future plans they may have.

So.

“You...want me to kidnap you.”

Trevor grins, nice and friendly and holds up the wad of cash he’s offering as payment to a fine young gentleman.

New enough to Los Santos that he hasn’t heard (too much) about the Fakes aside from a few key points. (Big crew, don’t fuck with them or you’ll be sorry, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah.)

Hasn’t heard about their more outrageous exploits or what they like to do to blow off steam for their own enrichment. (Pack of idiots rolling a pumpkin around their enclosure and all.)

Most importantly, he’s just stupid enough, greedy enough, to be blinded to the amount of money Trevor’s offering for an afternoon of driving him around.

“Well I mean,” Trevor says, goes a little singsong. “’Kidnap’ is such an ugly word, you know. All these connotations to it. No, no.”

Goodness no.

“I want you to steal a car for me.”

The guy – Frank? Jimmy? Trevor doesn't remember, and if he’s being honest with himself, he doesn’t care.

See, Trevor asked around, got a short list of potential candidates for this little task that might need a reminder of how things work in Los Santos. A quick little tutorial for the ones new to town like this fine fellow who’s already ruffled a few feathers.

“...The car you will be in,” Lyle? Kyle? says, nice and slow, like he’s solving one of the world’s greatest mysteries. “That one.”

Trevor tips his head to the side.

“If you don’t want to earn some pocket money, I can always find someone else who will,” Trevor says.

Because Los Santos.

Chock full of people like this one.

The guy squints at Trevor.

Big guy. Somewhat imposing, if you happen to be easily imposed. Nose that’s been broken at least once and rough around the edges (aren’t they all, though?). Scruff going on to make him seem older and admirably suspicious because it is an odd request.

“What’s the catch?”

Trevor doesn’t mean to laugh, but he does.

“Oh, you know,” he says, big, big smile. “The usual.”

========

Gerald, Trevor’s going to call him Gerald, takes the offer.

“Sure, why the fuck not?”

It’s a lot of money just to steal a car, and Trevor was reliably informed Gerald would do just about anything for the right price.

Sold a lot of people out for less, or so Trevor’s heard. Has a habit of screwing over his partners and so on and Trevor is delighted the man’s greed has gotten the better of him yet once again. Makes having to send one of the others to pay him a little visit unnecessary later.

Birds and stones, and a delicious touch of karma because some of the people Gerald’s fucked over were theirs and that simply won’t do.

Gerald doesn’t seem to have caught on just yet, but Trevor’s sure he’ll figure it out along the way.

========

There are rules to this, of course.

The others may use any and all vehicles at their disposal, but weapons aren’t allowed.

If, for example, one of them were to get their hands on a Lazer from Zancudo, they’re not allowed to use missiles (homing or otherwise) or the cannons. (If they get their hands on tank, just. No.)

Gerald is likewise forbidden from using weapons. In case he were to get ideas, what with Trevor riding along in the backseat of their vehicle and all. (Trevor’s wearing his favorite clothes and would just hate to get blood on them.)

Other than that, it’s a free-for-all, which in Trevor’s experience always goes smoothly with this bunch.

========

“Oh, my,” Trevor says, watching a Cargobob overshoot them. “That was a close one, wasn’t it.”

Gerald swears, anger and something like panic creeping into his voice and for good reason. The crew is out in force today, Cargobobs overhead and stolen police cars behind. A generous smattering of other stolen vehicles all over the place and they’ve only been at this for twenty, thirty minutes at the outside.

Very dramatic, all of it.

Pulse-pounding adventure and danger. High-speed chases and the car’s engine is making this distressing noise, smoke coming from its engine.

Trevor waves as an SUV goes screaming past, and snaps a picture with his phone – it’s bound to turn out blurry and out of focus, but he’s sure Jeremy will appreciate the thought behind it.

“What the fuck is wrong with you people?” Gerald demands as he puts their poor car in reverse, aiming for a side street they passed. “I mean, seriously. What the fuck?”

Trevor grins and takes a picture of Gerald as he scowls at Trevor in the rearview.

For memories.

“Creative types,” he says, which isn’t stretching the truth at all. The others come up with the most...inventive heists and all sorts of shenanigans. “Wacky.”

========

After the Tank incident several years back, about the time Trevor got dragged into the madness that is the Fake AH Crew, they’re forbidden from bringing a tank into the city.

APCs and the like, however, are not tanks.

“Holy shit,” Gerald whispers, the very image of a broken man. “Holy shit.”

Trevor hmms, and checks to make sure his seat-belt is secure.

“Indeed,” he agrees, and it’s such a shame he ran out of physical room on his phone for videos because their tiny little car facing a line of Brickades is a stunning sight.

Gerald makes this noise in the back of his throat, and Trevor can see the moment he throws all caution to the wind and has his fuck it, what the fuck moment as he puts his foot to the pedal and they shoot forward.

While there are several Brickades present, there aren’t enough to create an effective blockade. More to intimidate than anything else, and Gerald squeezes their car through the narrow gap left open to them with inches to spare. (At least two, possibly three.)

========

There’s a small flock of drones buzzing around them and a Terrorbyte bearing down on them at the other end of the runway. (Not great odds, but Gerald is proving to be quite resourceful or just incredibly lucky.)

“Are those goddamned blimps?”

There’s also a parachute in the air, and by the rainbow pattern it has to be Gavin.

“They’re faster than you’d think,” Trevor says, “and surprisingly maneuverable.”

He smiles, bland little thing, when Gerald gives him an incredulous look.

========

“Why the hell do you people have so many vehicles?”

Trevor glances up from his phone.

“Sorry, what?” he asks, and Gerald repeats himself with a skosh more emphasis this time.

Trevor shrugs, glancing out his window at the freight train they're keeping pace with, occasional flashes of color as the others tries to land on one of the flatcars. They look like dolphins swimming alongside ye olde sailing ships.

Beautiful and graceful even in failure.

They’re being (gently) herded back to Los Santos, although Gerald seems to think he’s still in control of their destination and not the other way around.

“Well I mean,” he says, and shrugs again. “Nice things.”

Shiny, shiny things. Like a kid in a candy store, his crew. See something flashy, shiny and have to have it. Come up with an idea for a heist to get their hands on it or some form of shenanigans or what have you.

Gerald stares at him in the rearview mirror as though he’s realized they’re all a bunch of lunatics.

========

Like all good things, this merry little chase Gerald’s been leading the others must end.

Unlike all good things, it ends with a blockade created with a handy-dandy rocket launcher, several parked cars, and a crashed ultralight as several Cargobobs hover overhead. (They really do love their Cargobobs.)

Also, Ryan hauling poor Gerald out of the driver’s seat where he’s in the process of beating the everloving shit out of him.

Trevor can’t hear whatever Ryan’s telling Gerald as he teaches him a lesson using violence – he’d be a terrible teacher – but he can guess.

Winces as Ryan drags Gerald in for one last doozy of a punch before dropping his unconscious body to the ground, shoulders heaving a little from exertion. Sees Ryan take a moment to compose himself before he makes his way back to the battered car that’s somehow survived the day’s activities.

He unlocks the door and smiles up at Ryan when he wrenches it open like a brute.

“Hello, Ryan,” he says, bright and cheerful. Flattens a hand against his chest and bats his eyes up at the strong, burly man who rescued him from the clutches of the vile kidnapper. Says, with a terrible Southern accent, “My hero.”

Ryan stares at him for a long, long moment, and then he sighs.

All dramatic about it too, the way Geoff gets sometimes as though life is an endless bout of pain and suffering and woe is him, woe is him.

“I hate you,” Ryan says, matter-of-fact, just a simple little declaration.

Trevor smiles.

“I’m sure you do,” he says. Tips his head to the side. “But the real question is, are you still bored?”

There’s a (literal) trail of crashed and ruined vehicles behind them marking the meandering path Gerald took and who knows how much in property damage.

Chaos, panic, and so on. (Par for the course for them.)

Ryan opens his mouth, and pauses.

Unconsciously mirrors Trevor by tipping his head the opposite direction as he considers Trevor’s question. Makes this annoyed sound when he finds his answer.

“...No,” he admits.

Trevor beams at him.

“Well there you go, then!” he says.

The crew had an exciting day and Gerald got his comeuppance for fucking over one of theirs. (Most likely he hasn’t connected the dots, but if he hasn’t there’s always next time.)

“You’re a lunatic,” Ryan says, as though a sane man would be in Trevor’s position with the crew.

Trevor laughs, because yes, but also -

“Thank you, Mr. Vagabond. I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Ryan snorts and steps back to let Trevor out of the poor battered car that’s somehow survived everything they threw at it today.

Trevor looks around at the destruction, random people gawking far too close for their own safety. Looks up, and smiles at the Cargobobs circling the area.

The lone Frogger, because Lindsay.

Back down at Ryan who’s got his hand pressed to his earpiece as he talks to the others to let them know Trevor’s “mugger” has been neutralized and Trevor himself is unharmed and so on and so forth.

He feels something a lot like fondness as Ryan keeps shooting him these little looks, giving that up t some point to stand beside him. Shoulder touching Trevor’s because then at least, he’ll have some warning if Trevor slips away to start a bonus round to their little game.

Overhead one of the Cargobobs separates from the pack and looks for a good place to land to ferry them back to the penthouse, and the faint sound of sirens sound in the distance.

Good old LSPD and various emergency services leaping into action now that the Fake AH Crew has finished another one of their games and it’s safe for people to come out to deal with the mess left behind. It’s an odd agreement, understanding, they have, because this kind of game isn’t about body counts the LSPD’s learned it’s better in the long run if the crew get to have their fun.

Trevor laughs at the absurdity of it all because they’re all a little mad here, aren’t they? Keeps things interesting.

“Madman,” Ryan says with a little shake of his head and something like amusement in his voice. “Let’s go home.”

Well, the penthouse, really.

Celebratory drinks, and takeout set to embellished recounting of the day’s adventures. Plans for future rounds with a few tweaks thrown in, and this overall sense of accomplishment on Trevor’s part because the damn pumpkin worked.

[emuftw]

Dreamboy Fan theory (Part 1)

TW: mentions of physical abuse, animal abuse and depression

Quick intro! - So with the next episode being the season 1 finale, I thought it would be a good time to share my theory of what is going on at PepperHights. I wanted to share now before the finale comes around and totally proves me wrong but for once I oddly don’t mind. It also goes without saying it is just a fan-theory and it’s not meant to be taken too seriously. With that being said however, I do talk about the themes as tagged so be mindful whilst reading. One key note, going forward when I use “Dane” I will be referring to character Dane in the show. When talking about the real Dane, I will be referring to him as “Producer Dane” when talking about all things outside of the podcast.

Also, this is LONG! When I started this I was hoping for a post similar length to my transcription of the Instagram live. As I keep typing however I realise that to make this flow easier I have split this into two parts. Part 1 will talk about the general theme of “what’s going on” and my guess at how Season 1 will end. Part 2 will carry on with the key points that were mentioned before, but with focus on the characters and how it all links together along with their individual theory’s.

Dreamboy has been an amazing podcast from start to finish. From the music, Character Danes sex drive to the sheer horror which is woven in every episode, it is clear you can see why it was picked up but Night Vale Presents. However, after seven and a half episodes (and a holiday special) there is still a lot of mystery of “what” is going on in the show. As fans we know that there has been a build up to something big happening and with hints of Aliens, magic and the super natural taking place in most episodes. For me though, there seems to be one clear overriding theme that is taking place and that ISNT the idea of there being a giant fish, the fear of giant family corporations going to Jupiter and finding something, the dreams of death or even the sharing of dreams between two strangers.

It’s the horror that comes with mundane life and everyday people itself. For more clarity, I don’t think there is anything supernatural, Syfi or horror going on. Instead, I think this is a tale of people and the hardships of life and how it is perceived via tone which I am hoping to break down in this fan theory! Key themes here are things I have picked up though my own life experiences, what has been said on and off podcast, livestreams, and assumptions from what took place in the original off Broadway production/BTS episode and people who work on the podcast.

At the start of the podcast we are introduced to a morbid way of thinking with Dane’s idea of a supermarket is just one giant morgue of animals and dead plants. This creepy tone is continued throughout the whole story. It’s captivating, it’s engaging and its part of what makes the podcast great but there isn’t something that would count as a big “horror” or “bad guy”. Instead, it’s how Character Dane talks about the supermarket which makes it scary.

This use of Tone and description is used a lot to make us the listener gripped in the moment along with how we imagine and perceive what is being described to us, however, we havn’t yet seem to encounter one key thing which is actually “evidence” of something paranormal. Instead, a lot of what is happening can be put down as as the struggles of life and its affect on ones own personal mental health and personal life experiences that come with getting older as well as how we cope with the events around us. These can be seen in all our “main” characters Dane talks to such as Dane himself, Luke and Critch, all of whom I will talk about more in Part 2. (Note:  I don’t include Characters such as Carol and Dan in this as whilst our leads have spoken to them, unfortunately they don’t seem to have a big impact on the story outside of the episodes they are featured in.)

A good example however, of how Danes descriptions of characters and tone can be seen as “something supernatural is going on” is how we perceive Jennifer and the Non-Girl Scouts. When we first meet Jennifer, Dane describes her as a “child who looks like she has been raised by her grandparents”. She is also later described as a “girl scout” and is frequently referred to as a “child”/ “kid”. In a cultural context, when talking about girl scouts, being from England I associated them with our equivalent, who are ages from 7-10 and when she mentions that she and the other two had a “slumber party” it furthers this idea of a young girl. This tone/description sets us up to believe she is very young, which is even more jarring once she opens her mouth and speaks about complex issues such as feminism and equality in their complexity but sophisticated manor. All these Ideas, and Tone, leads us to think that she is “creepy” and “up to something big” in a supernatural sence. However in episode 7 our perception of how we view Jenifer changes.

In the episode Dane asks “what is she twelve?” to which she corrects him and tell us she is actually 13. This greatly surprised me when she told us this, and yet at the same time, for the first time made her human. At 13, we instantly gain between 3-7 years of life experience, meaning by now she is starting to form her own personality and ideology, which is something we expect from a teenager. A teenager talking about toxic masculinity is less jarring than a child talking about it. Whilst people would perceive her as a “child” still, there is a big difference in maturity level and complexity thinking, which means we no longer have a “creepy child girl scout” on our hands, but rather a “young teenager who is making their own choices though understanding social situations”. In this episode have a very human moment of a teenager asking for help as well as frustration break down when Dane won’t give her the keys as he “knows” they won’t open the door. I get the impression this is not easy to do for her,  and from the live stream we know she doesn’t like to be messed around. For the first time we have a very human moment where we see her struggles and vulnerability, rather than the creepy tone which has been set by Dane and his narrative.

So with the Idea set that we are dealing with real life instead of a big horror taking place, I would like to also address one of the key areas this applies to as well as what I believe is taking place. I would like to talk about Zoe the Zebra and what has actually happened.

For me personally, I believe that Zoe is already dead, but not for the reason you believe. Early on, in the first episode, we are told that Zoe is an old Zebra who is the Zoos start attraction. A bit of Basic googling shows us that in the wildlife, a zebra can realistically live for 10 years whilst in captivity they can live up to 40 years on record. If we assume that Zoe has never seen the wildlife and was bred in captivity, we can assume she was born into the Zoo around 1990 at the EARLIEST, meaning she’s a pretty old Zebra nearing 30 if Dreamboy is set in 2019. With the Zoo being popular but struggling for funds, and based off the other animals such as the monkey who needs to listen to opera to sleep, we can assume that Zoe did not have a suitable enclosure for her. An unsuitable environment along with being the “star” of the Zoo, it means she was also frequently surrounded by load noises, no enrichments/toys and could have been alone despite being a heard animal. These factors are all key contributors to animals developing some form of Stereotypical behaviour during her time at PepperHights.

(Quick definition break: Stereotypic behaviour is defined as a repetitive, invariant behaviour pattern with no obvious goal or function. Stereotypic behaviour is not seen in animals in the wild and is understood to be abnormal and is therefore a negative factor in conservation captive breeding. Common Stereotypical behaviour includes habits of repartition such as noise making, pacing in the same location and self-mutilation as a result of over grooming AKA not nice!).

Based on what I learned in my time working with animals, this behaviour can also lead to aggression when behaviour patterns are interrupted or the animal is dealing with something they are not familiar with (such as someone breaking into their cage late at night). This sadly what is likely lead to the death of Ian. Whilst in the story it has been said that Zoe’s fate is still to be decided via the judge later in the week, I  believe Zoe is actually already dead due to Zoo’s protocol’s that occur in these situations. It is very common when there is an active risk of the safety of the members of public in regards to wild animals, whether they have activity hurt a member of public or not, is too shoot the animal dead on the scene.

I have seen this happen when animals have killed members of staff in Zoo’s, to just lynx’s escaping from enclosures and going into the country side with no interactions with the public at all. If we are to assume that the person who reported Ian’s death also knew the Zoo’s procedures, we can assume that Zoe, who in in a scare fit killed Ian on accident, was shot on the scene to prevent anyone else being harmed. It is also worth noting that currently we do not know if we have seen Zoe since the incident, only that we have heard her cries which could have easily been recorded and played over the speaker system. It is also easy to believe as since Critch has requested no one to be present at her death, Zoe is already dead but Critch wishes to hide that so that people still visits the Zoo to see Zoe one last time before she goes as so many people love’s her. As well as this, it would also explain why there is such a big push for the lost ocean, as their main attraction is already dead.

Going back to the original discussion of theme, This idea of an animal who is kept in a poor enclosure, driven crazy by the noise and consistent lack of respect to then only be added on with her death on the scene is obvious a lot more realistic than the “murderous Zebra” or even the “drag Queen Zebra” which is frequently used to describe the situation. Its sadness of the situation, from an animal never being kept in its natural environment which lead to a young persons death, to the fact that there is no formal closure for this animals death, which leads to the finale being less of a supernatural horror to more of a real life situation which we as society become numb to as we exist day to day.

---

For now, this is all I have for part 1. The idea of nothing supernatural going on is something which seems to be something which is only slightly touched on with the “plot” of Dreamboy. In Part 2, the idea of personal hardships, challenges and how these can link to a more telling story is what I am hoping to cover as well as my own personal theories.

Will hopefully get part 2 up within the next couple of days but till then stay groovy!

[poisparrots]

(1/2) i have a blue front amazon parrot that i've had for a couple of months now, hes about 8 years old. i'm struggling with handling him, sometimes after stepping up he'll attack my hand out of nowhere and bites hard. i try not to react but it's difficult. i usually put him back in his cage when he does this, and then take him back out after a time out, but it doesn't seem to work. he'll still bite me out of nowhere and these seems to be nothing i can do about it.

((2/2) sometimes it’s like he just bites me because it’s funny? he’ll on my hand for a while and, i don’t even have to move, he’ll bite down HARD on my hand, chew my skin, and flapping his wings like he’s playing, but angry. he rarely comes to me, i always have to trick him into climbing up on me. what can i do to make him WANT to spend time with me without hurting me? you seem like you have a lot of amazon experience and knowledge so i thought i’d ask for your opinion and help if that’s okay!)

Hey, congrats on your new-ish amazon, and I’m sorry things haven’t been going too well! Amazons are great but they can be very difficult too. It’s always hard to try and figure out what’s happening without seeing the full situation for myself… These are some questions that’d help me help you (you’re always welcome to send me a message instead of an ask if you’d like to take it privately instead too!): What have you been doing to try and prevent the “bad” behaviors from happening? How does his set-up look, does he have a large cage and plenty of enrichment that he chooses to engage with? How did you go about attempting to train step-up, did you start using treats and then stop, do you still use treats, or have you never used treats? Do you do any other training, like target or trick training? What do you usually do when he’s on or near you? Where do you usually pick him up from when he bites you? Are his wings clipped?The key goal is to show him that he can trust you, that you aren’t going to force him to do anything or put him in an uncomfortable situation, and that it’s beneficial to hang out with you! Listening to his body language and never pushing him when he doesn’t want you to do something, and bribing him with lots of yummy treats or fun toys.Putting him back in his cage when he bites you isn’t a good idea. If he usually bites when you pick him up from somewhere outside of his cage and his impression of you picking him up is “this hand will remove me from a place where i’m comfortable, and when i try to communicate that (by biting), they’ll put me away and lock me up”, that’s just going to make him uncomfortable around your hands, and protective. If he usually bites when you pick him up from inside of his cage and his impression of you picking him up is “this hand will remove me from my cage where i’m comfortable, and when i try to communicate that (by biting) i get to go back to my cage again!”, that’s just going to reinforce the biting because it gives him what he wants. Tricking him into stepping up on your hand is usually just going to leave him in a situation of “how did I end up on this scary thing?”, and trying to get away from you, he’ll either fly away, or if he doesn’t have the wings or the confidence to do so, he’ll instead have to bite you. Fight or flight. If he can’t flee from an uncomfortable situation, he’ll have to fight. If this is what’s usually happening, by now he’ll likely also know that biting you gets him what he wants (to get away). ..But that also doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t put him down or that you should keep forcing him to be on you even when he bites! “Ignoring the bite” is just code word for “ignoring why he’s feeling uncomfortable enough to have to bite”. Instead of ignoring the bite, try and figure out how to make the bite not happen in the first place; how not to put him in any situations where he’s feeling uncomfortable to begin with! Re-do the step-up training. Start from the very beginning. Target training is a great start. Or just bribing him with some good treats, waiting for him to take the first steps, don’t be closer to him than he’s comfortable with, wait until he walks up to your hand, and when he does, give him a treat. Repeat a couple of times. Next step is wait with the reward until he touches your hand, or puts a foot on your hand, etc. Just make sure to allow him to take the reins, be very clear that you’re not going to force him into anything and that he is allowed to leave at any point and you won’t go after him - but that if he DOES come up to you he gets a yummy reward! Another thing I’d like to touch on, and have been planning for a while to make a separate post about so this might prompt me to do so soon, is to look over his enclosures and enrichment. What’s his activity like? Is his cage large enough? What kinds of toys does he have, and what toys does he regularly use? Does he need more activities, foraging toys, space, wood, perches… Anything? How is he getting rid of built-up energy and using natural behaviors and needs? A lot of behavioral problems can be boiled down to just natural behaviors that they don’t have a good outlet for in their environment. The “angry playing” you mention where he’s attacking your hand sounds a lot like a bit of an understimulated bird releasing excess energy on the most stimulating thing available (you). My BFA Drogon used to do that too if I took him into my bedroom to hang out before allowing him to fly and play in the aviary or the bird room first - he’d have so much energy that he needed to get out and I’d just want to watch some Buffy the Vampire Slayer with him. After a while I connected the dots - play time first, then TV time. After I realized why he was biting my hands and started allowing him to release that energy in a way more healthy (and less ouchie) way, he stopped biting me. Training to change an unwanted behavior often calls for doing exactly that - not to remove the behavior completely because a lot of the time it’s just a natural behavior applied to an “unnatural” situation - but to redirect the behavior to a better alternative with the same behavioral function or effect instead. Having enough space and enrichment is a very important foundation for allowing them to use those behaviors in a better way (ie chewing on toys instead of your furniture, releasing energy by flying instead of by attacking you).Sorry this got so long, and again, do feel free to send me another ask or a private message for a follow-up, I’d be happy to try and help you further with a bit more information! :’) 

[drferox]

20 Questions with Dr Ferox #10

200 questions in these bundled posts! Unfortunately nothing extra special for you, just more answers. 

@loveprose said:  hey doc! ive been following you for a while and i absolutely love your blog, your humor, and your intelligence! i just wanted to say that im very thankful to have learned so much from your blog, and im glad that your patients benefit from having you as their doctor! youre amazing :D QT: my headcanon for you is that you absolutely love dino nuggets, and you like to eat them as if youre a predatory dinosaur

I did not actually know that dino nuggets were a thing. So I researched.

And I have decided I need to become more familiar with them. Rawr.

Anonymous said: Do you have a list of pets you wish weren't inbred to a point where they are just a walking mess? Or, I guess my question is what are your thoughts on those types of pets, like pugs for example(pugs are the only ones I can think of at the moment)? I am perfectly fine if you don't want to answer this at all. I'm certain there are better questions to answer in your inbox.

Kind of... all of them.

The difficulty with this question is that the list doesn’t end, and sort of can’t so long as we cling to an idea of ‘purebred’ being better. Purebreds are predictable, sure, but not inherently superior.

There are inbreeding problems not just in domestic pets, but other domestic species too. Fresian and Angus cattle are heading that way too

@glassslippers-and-tinywhiskers said: Hi! So I might be getting a Papillon soon!! She's a retired show dog and seems perfect except that she needs to have a few of her top front teeth removed. She's only 3 and her breeder takes very good care of her dogs, brushing their teeth regularly. Having those few teeth out doesn't make me want her less but it does make me concerned for the future of the rest of her teeth. I guess my question is why many small dogs are so prone to teeth issues even when they're being cared for?

Some dogs appear to have a genetic predisposition to dental disease, and this isn’t just limited to small dogs (*cough* greyhounds *cough*). Some teeth are easier to clean than others within an individual dog too, and the incisors and molars tend to be the most difficult. Brushing reduce their risk factors, but can’t even eliminate them.

@knikna said: Hi Dr Ferox! Love your blog, learning lots from it :) I've heard that if chihuahuas lose too many teeth, their jaw can start to disintegrate. Have you heard this/is there any truth to this? I don't really trust google haha

If they lose too many teeth from the front of their lower jaw then the bone can recede and atrophy, but if you leave too many infected teeth in there for too long then you can get oteomyelitis, and that will ‘disintegrate’ the jaw and leave it prone to spontaneous fractures.

@ warpedellipsis said: I forget if it was you, but someone said horses can't heal broken legs because they can't not put weight on the leg. Is there such a thing as a three legged horse? Or no, for the same reason--they need all four legs to put weight on?

The bones can certainly heal, but keeping the horse alive and free of laminitis is a significant challenge in the post operative period and often fails. That said, there are some 3-legged equines out there in the world, but they tend to be on the smaller side and not every equine has a suitable temperament for surviving as a 3 legged creature.

(Image source)

3D printing might make this more common in the future.

Anonymous said: Is it possible for cats to have pollen allergies because one of our cats is kind of Sneezy on high pollen count days but like he has no other symptoms of a respiratory infection and it's not constant it's just more than usual you'd expect from a cat

It’s entirely possible, and they can be allergic to more than one kind of pollen too.

Another Anonymous said: (1/2) honestly yeah youre a vet but if youre the owner; youre going to know very intimately your animal and their behavior; if something they do changes it never hurts to check! one of my cats would cough for like a second, but it happened sooo intermittently (maybe once every.....4 months) that i didnt know whether or not if it was anything,`but after a year. turns out after an xray his lungs were super inflamed and hes an asthmatic! and since i now knew i hadnt been overreacting, when 2/2 i rescued my second cat off the streets i noticed him sneezing, took him in MUCH quicker, and hes an asthmatic as well (i think im the unluckiest person in the world lol). at one point w/ that same cat i woke up and he was wheezing a little and hiding under my bed (if your normally social cat starts hiding under things theres probably something wrong) ran him into my vet straight away and he was in the throes a terrible life threatening asthma attack. it really never hurts to check!

This highlights the difficulty in giving advice over the internet. I have no way of knowing what’s normal for that animal and whether a description is accurate. I always tell people if they’re worried enough to seek advice they’re worried enough to contact a vet.

Anonymous said: So I have two questions. 1. What are hot spots? And 2. What is your opinion on golden retrievers? Like what should I look out for?

Hot Spots are a severe, moist skin infection that rapidly spreads, associated with moisture being trapped against the skin and allergies.

I just so happen to have written about Golden Retrievers here.

Anonymous said: A previous question asked about a lapse of time between jobs. Do employers / Vets that are hiring consider schooling during that time without working a bad thing (until internships)? I've also had two shoulder surgeries that aren't fully healed after 2 years, they're still healing.... Would they frown highly on that? They're functional and all, just some days they hurt more and cause migraines. Trying to look ahead of the game.

If you’re schooling between jobs you’re still doing something, same applies to recovering from an injury or parental leave. It’s large periods of apparently nothing that tend to raise questions.

I don’t think anyone can ask you what’s happened to your shoulders, just whether they would prevent you from doing the job you’re applying for.

Anonymous asked: I was wondering if you could tell me about the availability of work for vet nurses/techs where you live? Where I am currently, despite the fact that the education for vet nurses is very in-depth and extensive, the opportunity for a sustainable job is not exactly available. Salaries are so low that most nurses are forced to change occupation after just 5-7 years of working in practice. I'm about to graduate from my final (4th) year of university and am looking for better career options abroad!

There is an over-supply of training vet nurses because various educational institutions opened up courses because they could, accepted students, then required students to have X hours work in a clinic per week for their course, but didn’t provide these positions for them.

So there are lots of cheap, inexperienced vet nurses and we also suffer from the same issue of lack of career progression, so nurses 5-10 years out start looking elsewhere for a better wage.

@ dixiethumbelina asked: Hi! I was wondering if its possible to tell if a female cat is desexed. We inherited a cat with our farm and were told by a neighbour that shes the old owner's ex wife's, and was desexed and 'chipped.   If she is, her chip won't scan with our scanners, and she has no tattoo, nicked ear, etc to indicate that she's desexed. We also found a approx 6 wk old kitten with her prior to moving her into the house.   Our vet said not to worry about it now  as she's too old to breed but I'm curious! :)

There might be an abdominal scar in the ventral abdomen, or possibly in the flank depending on how she was speyed. Unfortunately without a tattoo, nick or microchip it’s very hard to tell. Ultrasound might detect the uterus and ovaries if they’re there, but just because you can’t find them doesn’t mean you didn’t miss them. Cats don’t really go through menopause like we do, they can still get pregnant at an advanced age.

Anonymous said: I volunteer at a vet clinic, and often observe the surgeries that the vet performs to get a better idea of what I'm going to be dealing with as a future vet myself. We recently had a young Corgi come in for a neuter, but after the surgery, the vet wanted to remove the dew claws while he was still out because she said that they tend to get caught on carpet. Is that reason enough to remove a puppy's dew claws?

Front dew claws do not tend to ‘get caught on the carpet’ they usually don’t touch the ground.

Hind dewclaws are more of an issue if they’re attached only by skin and no bone. They flop all over the place and are prone to injury, the dog doesn’t use them, and owners often forget to keep them trimmed to prevent ingrown, painful nails. Desexing is a convenient time to remove them, with pain relief.

@ thumpertrevelyan asked: What do you think of Catios (cat patios)? Are they good enrichment for a strictly indoor cat? Or would it up their risks since the could still be bit by fleas and ticks? Or?

I’m not familiar with that specific brand, but outdoor cat enclosures are great enrichment. Yes they can still get parasites, but their odds of injury, theft and poisoning are still greatly reduced.

@horsejunkie asked: Hi there! My family currently has 3 cats and we have always fed them free-range (food available all the time) Our 17 yr old is diabetic and receives insulin 2x per day. Our almost 8 yr old ragdoll is overweight, but otherwise healthy. My mom argues that the diabetic cat needs access to food all the time, but I want to limit the ragdoll's food intake to help him lose weight. Is it true that diabetic cats need constant food access? also, where do you keep pickles the stegosaurus?

Not all diabetic cats need constant food, though it helps prevent hypoglycaemia, especially if they like to graze. If your cat’s glucose is currently well controlled, don’t mess with it.

You could consider a microchip feeder for your cats.

Anonymous said: What do you think of people that makes their pets fat because they look cuter? I am a second year vet student

I would tell them that their pet is going to be just as cute at a healthy weight and is going to have less issues with arthritis, pancreatitis and brachycephalic airway syndrome (if relevant) at a leaner weight. I also remind people that being a big heavier than perfect can be fine, but if they’re deliberately feeding their pet to batter and fatter for their own amusement then that’s not fair.

Anonymous said: I saw that last submission and now I'm interested in doggy-vitiligo. My pupper is a schnauzer(?) yorkie(?) mystery-mix. He's nearly 10 years old now but we got him when he was a baby, just old enough to have left his mom. He was dark-haired then with a dark nose but he immediately began losing pigmentation, including on his nose. By the time he was 5 he looked nothing like he had at 1 and lost all the schnauzer-style patterning. Thoughts?

It might be normal. Lots of breeds have coat colours that change in the first few years of life. If it’s not associated with any skin pathology then it’s probably no big deal.

Anonymous said: (I'm sorry if I break any ask rules, I'm new) I'm in my junior year of high school and I really want to be a vet. I'm taking vet science my senior year and I'm excited but my grades in math are bad. I'm retaking geometry currently. My counselor advises against a 4th year but that means not taking Algebra 2. I dont want to but is it going to look bad on my transcripts? Should I take it anyway? QT: Do you believe in anything supernatural?

You need to talk to someone at your intended tertiary institution, because I honestly don’t know what they’re looking for. It’s a long time since I was applying for vet school.

I have a bunch of superstitions but I don’t think I really believe in anything supernatural.

@mari5701 asked: Hi I saw the vaccine post and was wondering about vet external labs. Are they private labs or part of the veterinary practice? You may not know the answer to this question but: do the lab technicians need to go through vet school? Thanks so much! I came for the humor and stayed for all the interesting stories.

The external laboratories are private companies that are not part of the veterinary practice. They may be associated with human medical labs, or vet only. Some of their employees are vets, but I’m sure not all of them are.

Anonymous said: I'd like to thank you for changing my opinions on euthanasia. I used to be insistent on euthanasia only being used after having tried everything, but this blog, and becoming a fish keeper, have helped me realize that euthanasia is overly demonized and is sometimes a better option than continuing to attempt to treat, sometimes

It’s normal human behavior to demonize death. We tend to shut it away, to try to pretend it’s not there for as long as possible, but we need to talk about it sometimes to minimize suffering.

Anonymous said: Do you have any hobbies you like to do to chill out after work? Or other skills you just happen to have and like using, like drawing or writing? 

Nah, I’d been going around calling myself an Author for no reason at all.

[ssteezyy]

Ask the Cat Behaviorist with Mikel Delgado: Mikel Answers June and July’s Questions

Welcome to our regular “Ask the Cat Behaviorist with Mikel Delgado” segment. Once a month, we’ll post a reminder for you to post your questions for Mikel. She’ll answer as many of them as she can each month, and I’ll publish her answers in a subsequent post.

Mikel is a Certified Cat Behavior Consultant at Feline Minds, offering on-site consultations for cat guardians, shelters, and pet-related businesses in the San Francisco Bay Area, and remote consultations around the world. She obtained her PhD in Psychology at UC Berkeley, where she studied animal behavior and human-pet relationships. Mikel is co-author of Jackson Galaxy’s forthcoming book, Total Cat Mojo: The Ultimate Guide to Life with Your Cat, due out October 31 and available for pre-order now (this is an affiliate link*).

But before we get to the answers to your questions, we want to congratulate Mikel on completing her PhD last week – congratulations, Dr. Delgado!

Aggression between sister cats

We adopted two sister cats from a rescue a year ago. The cats are probably around 2 and have always had a very close relationship. Recently we’ve been having some incidents of redirected aggression. A stray cat in the neighborhood comes by most nights and really gets the cats worked up, particularly one of them. Both of our cats are spayed. On two separate occasions, one of our cats has become crazy with rage and attacks her sister. The fights are very aggressive and after we’ve separated them, the enraged cat will try to stalk her sister for the next 30-60 minutes. This seems to be affecting their general relationship as there is more hissing at each other, particularly from the one who gets attacked. I would appreciate any suggestions. A vet tech friend recommended the pheromones, which is how I found your post about the research on their effectiveness. (Jim)

Jim, Redirected aggression can be problematic, because if unmanaged, it can eventually cause a huge rift between cats that can be difficult to repair. The first thing you need to do is keep the stray cat away from your windows – such as with motion-sensitive sprinklers or compressed air cans. He needs to get the (humane) message he is not welcome in your yard. If he isn’t neutered, I recommend working with a local rescue group to do some TNR (trap, neuter, return) for him! In the meantime, I would cover the windows where your cats tend to see him – either with privacy films, or even with cardboard. The visual access needs to be taken away. If there are other windows (where he can’t be seen) that can be made more attractive with a cat tree, heated bed, or perch, try to encourage your cats to spend time away from the areas where he can be spotted.

If they do get into a tiff, an hour may not be enough to separate them; cats can stay aroused for much longer than that, and reintroducing them while they are still worked up may backfire. So I’d give them at least overnight, and reintroduce them over something pleasant, like parallel playtime or a favorite treat.

Lost cat

My 2.5year old cat has gone missing, for more than a week now, he has never been away from home for more than two days. We live on a small holding so there are other cats in the area, and being a farm there aren’t any fences, so he is not restricted to where he can go. We have informed all neighbors and various animal shelters, but no one has seen him. My question, can he just go “missing” and be okay on his own, can cats get lost? My boyfriend says he is gone and I should stop looking for him.. but I simply cannot do that!! He is a neutered male. (Karen)

Karen, I am so sorry to hear that your kitty has been missing, and I hope that he has returned in the meantime. I would say, even if it has been a few months, don’t give up! I have a friend who found her cat after she was lost for three months!

Cats who go outside regularly don’t typically get lost (although perhaps if he was frightened enough he could have gotten confused about how to get home). The risks to cats who go outside unfortunately include death or injury, or he could have “hitched a ride” somewhere. Regardless, to find a lost cat I recommend the following:

1. Put flyers with a recent, clear photo all over your neighborhood 2. Knock on people’s doors and post on local neighborhood message boards to see if anyone has sighted him 3. If he has been sighted, call to him at dawn and dusk or set a feral trap in those areas – put some of his dirty kitty litter or some very tempting food inside the trap to tempt him back 4. Call your animal control service routinely and file a report if they offer that service

If and when you find your kitty, I would consider whether it’s time to switch to an indoor-only lifestyle. Harness training and enclosures can help your cat get some safe, controlled outdoor access without the risks. Best of luck to you in finding your boy.

Clicker training for shelter cats?

I volunteer at a shelter and there are cats that do not show well due to the stress. They either growl or snap when you try to pet them. How do I use clicker training to stop unfavorable behavior? There is a cat the meows with discontent whenever being petted. This was my technique –> I let her sniff my hand to request permission to pet her. I give a kitty treat for her to eat, pet her and click simultaneously. I repeat if she does not growl. If she does, then I stop the session and walk away. Am I using the clicker correctly to stop bad behavior? (Kate)

Kate, The clicker is meant to be a bridge between the desired behavior (such as allowing pets) and the reinforcer – we know the clicker technique is working when the desired behavior increases. The sequence is cat presents behavior – clicker – treat. However, I think it’s important to first consider whether you are starting with the right behaviors to reinforce. For cats in shelters, it can be hard to be in a confined space where you can’t get away. Some cats might tolerate, but not enjoy, petting. The fact that she is continuing to growl suggests that her level of anxiety or threat is high and she may not be learning much positive at all about the experience. Instead, there might be some “flooding” going on, where you force an animal to be exposed to something they find stressful. Although you are pairing it with something she might like, if her behavior isn’t changing for the better, I’d be concerned.

Contrary evidence would be if she relaxes into the petting, or shows other positive signs, such as rubbing into your hand or purring. Lacking those signs, I would take the training back a step. This could be “target training,” instead reinforcing her for touching her nose to something like a wooden spoon. This allows you to keep some distance from her, but still teach her that her behaviors can lead to rewards from humans. As she gets more comfortable around humans, you can try to pet her; but honestly, some cats do not enjoy much petting, and are much less inclined to tolerate handling in a stressful environment such as a shelter. If there’s anything that can be done, such as moving her to a larger, quieter space, or even a foster home, you might see more positive changes in her behavior. Play with an interactive toy is another great, stress-reducing way to interact with a cat who doesn’t want a lot of handling.

Male cat is “pretend” spraying

One of our four-year-old neutered male cats (they’re brothers we adopted when they were three months old) “pretends” to spray–he backs up to something, usually a cabinet door, and does the shimmy/wiggle as if he’s marking. He’s not bothering us or anything, and obviously nothing is coming out, but what’s his deal with this? His brother does it too every once in a while, but I get the idea he’s just being a copycat (however, our copycat is also weird; he has a thing for carrots–they make him crazy. Catnip does nothing for him but a give him a piece of a carrot and he rolls around on it). (Nicole)

Hi Nicole, “Mock spraying” or “rattlesnake tail” is a fairly common sign of excitement in cats, and as far as we know, not a reason for concern. In other words, I’m not familiar with any evidence that cats who mock spray are more or less likely to really spray. Cats tend to do this behavior before meals, when their humans get home, or at other times they are happy. If he seems overly excited at those times, try a little playtime with an interactive toy to help him blow off a little steam! Otherwise, I wouldn’t be too worried.

And, I’ve never heard of a cat who loved carrots, but that is absolutely adorable! Cats never cease to surprise me!!

Cat overeats and then throws up

My male cat Simba likes to overeat and then throws up afterwards. He used to be heavy and now has gotten slender, is that normal during the summer months? My husband thinks we should take him to the vet. (Julia Simpson)

Julia, I agree, a trip to the vet should be your FIRST stop in resolving this issue. Contrary to popular belief, vomiting in cats is not “normal” and it’s not typically a behavioral problem. There are many medical causes for vomiting in cats, such as inflammatory bowel disease, food sensitivity, hyperthyroidism, etc. If your vet gives Simba the all clear and believes this is a behavioral problem, then I recommend introducing food puzzles and slow-feeder bowls. These can provide exercise and enrichment, while preventing cats from the scarf and barf! You can check out this website for more information on using food puzzles with cats: foodpuzzlesforcats.com (full disclosure: I co-own the website, but there’s no financial gain in it for me! Just a labor of love!).

Cat stops playing when other cats come near

Hi Mikel, I have 5 cats all very close. My question is 1, the youngest stops playing anytime a sibling comes near. We have tried playing with alone in a room, but he will still stop when he hears the others at the door. It’s like he is embarrassed to play around them. Any suggestions??? Thank you, Sharyl.

Sharyl, I’m glad you’ve tried playing alone with the youngster. Many cats are inhibited in play when other cats are around, and they only way you can get them to play is by confining them in a different room! If you have anyone else in the household who can keep the other cats away from the door, that might help. A lot of kitties don’t like closed doors and then the meowing, scratching and banging at the door begins!

You could also add some white noise to the room, or even talk radio at low volume. That might block enough of his siblings’ noises that he can let loose and get some play in! Worst case scenario might be putting the other cats in a separate room (if space allows) so your little one can get 5-10 minutes of play in!

There may be other aspects of the cats’ relationship you need to work on – without knowing more details, a qualified behavior consult may be able to help you add more vertical space, experiment with different toys or play styles, or even desensitize the cats to playing around each other, so that you don’t have to segregate your youngest.

Rough play between young cats

Hi Mikel, My question is. I have (2) 3 year old female cats, both spayed. I got them within 30 days of each other at 10 & 6 weeks. They play, sleep together at times, groom each other and eat next to each other. But sometimes, when they play, it is what I call, “too rough” causing one to hiss, growl and spit with the other chasing her. How can I detour that behavior from going to far without ruining play time for them? I use distraction, I’ve rescued the one and the aggressor has been placed in a 3 minute timeout in a room by herself. I’m just not what is the most correct thing to do. Thank you, Debbie Jones

Hi Debbie, Some “sibling rivalry” is normal, and if the cats are otherwise getting along – playing, allogrooming, and sleeping together, it sounds like the rough play is part of their routine! Sometimes one cat wants to groom the other and goes too far, or one is more in the mood for play than the other. That said, most cats who are friendly with each other can work these tiffs out on their own without your intervention.

I would recommend making sure you have plenty of resources for BOTH cats so they don’t have to fight over desirable spaces, such as perches or cat beds. Feed them in separate areas and make sure you have at least two litter boxes. These are little things that give cats CHOICES in their environment. Many cats work out differences through avoidance, and giving them lots of options can reduce conflict. Having tired, well-exercised cats is also helpful – so don’t forget the interactive play and enrichment.

In general I’m not a big fan of “timeouts” in the bathroom, and would instead focus on the “house of plenty” as described above. Distraction (such as dropping a book or magazine on the floor before things get too rough) is acceptable, but unless they are injuring each other, you are seeing other changes in their relationship, or one cat is just absolutely relentless, you may not need to intervene at all.

Is getting a second kitten always a good idea?

While I appreciate the ‘get a second kitten’ comment (being a foster home for kittens, I always like that idea) it should come with a caveat of “if you can afford it” or “if you have time” Some people get single cats for a reason and pushing hard for a second kitten can be off-putting or in some circumstances ill-advised. Connie – Tails from the Foster Kittens

Connie — I also appreciate your comment (and you are certainly not the only one who has said that to me), but I do think that we have to consider the welfare of the animals we are adopting. I feel very strongly about this! Instead of adopting a single kitten, people who want only one cat could adopt an adult cat who has already demonstrated they prefer the singleton lifestyle, rather than condemning a kitten to a life of social isolation from their peers. I worked at the San Francisco SPCA for many years, and sadly watched many a kitten go to a singleton home; if those kittens were returned to the shelter, they often came back without social skills with other cats, which then limited their adoption options! Obviously, all I can do is state my opinions; people will continue to adopt single kittens…but hopefully they can at least be aware of the risks and welfare concerns for the kitten. Thanks for all you do for foster kittens!!!

Biting cat

I have a black n white tux. She is so mean. She bites me, other people that come over, and growls like a dog to my other cats. (Connie)

Connie, I’m sorry to hear that your cat seems so unhappy. Unfortunately, this isn’t enough information to help me understand why your cat might be biting and growling; some cats are more sensitive to handling than others, or might not get along with other cats. That said, there are always ways to help a cat like this. In my opinion, there are no “mean cats.” There are cats responding to their environment in ways that indicate stress and anxiety – such as biting and growling. You may want to talk to your vet or a behavior professional about how you can help your cat be less stressed out.

When it comes to biting humans, it’s important to respect your cat’s space, and avoid petting her roughly or until she is overstimulated. If she is afraid of people she can learn to trust more by having the humans in her life give her treats and her meals. Finally, enrichment such as vertical space and scratching posts, along with interactive play have therapeutic effects for most cats. If she is truly stressed and anxious beyond what is humane for her, I would talk to your vet about whether behavior medication could also help her out. Again, without more information, I’d say your best bet is reaching out to a behaviorist to help you out!

Tortie doesn’t know what behavior means

My “Tortie” doesn’t know what behavior means. It’s her independence or nothing, and I love it. Reminds me of myself. (William Eckardt)

William, It sounds like you are a perfect match! I can appreciate that independent spirit!

Cat eating small twigs

Hi Mikel. My 3 year old tabby has access to a secluded garden, he loves. But he has a habit of occasionally eating small twigs. I don’t see him doing this. But the next day he is very passive and obviously feeling bad, until the same day or the day after he gets rid of a poo with the twig in it. I’m rather concerned about this habit and it’s potential danger to his health. Any advice, so he can still be in his garden? (Ghita)

Hi Ghita! Many kitties are attracted to various plants to chew on. It sounds like you have a lovely and safe outdoor space for your cat to spend time in, and I would hate to see that taken away from him! I would recommend a quick call to your vet, with a description or photo of the twigs, so your vet can advise you on what sort of risk this poses. It sounds like the twig is not very broken down in his feces, which suggests it might be more of a hazard that something more digestible!

Can the twigs be cleaned up, tied back, covered, or otherwise controlled to manage his access? Any other unsafe plants could be sprayed (at cat level) with bitter apple spray to reduce their appeal.

Simultaneously, since he likes to chew on plant-like matter, why not offer him some cat grass in the garden area? That might at least direct this behavior to something safe and equally satisfying.

Cat places toys in water bowl

I am a blind PRA Siamese cat. An important part of my play is to bath, drown, leave to swim, my toy mice and birds into water bowls placed in the house and if opportunity allows – into the toilet. Why am I doing this? (Bizzy)

Bizzy, You indeed sound like a fun-loving and adorable cat. While theories about why kitties dunk their toys in their water bowls abound, we don’t have one clear answer to your question. Some people think this is because the food and water dishes are part of the cat’s “nest territory” and they might be storing them in a place that is safe. Drs. John Bradshaw and Sarah Halls’ research also tells us that the “disintegration” of prey – meaning losing feathers or other body parts (!!), falling apart, and such are part of the hunting process that keeps cats engaged. The change in texture of a toy when it gets wet could feel good to cats or let them know that the hunting process is continuing as planned and the prey item is falling apart! Keep up the good work!

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