#if anyones confused by my rating B tier is high for me

[kostektyw]

ok, so several hours later i finally finished watching movie 23, so thoughts on The Fist of Blue Sapphire:

Roch was so right, truly the least conan movie to ever conan movie

i did actually enjoy it, it was fun

the plot was nonsense, but thats fine, this is a detco movie after all

the fucking... Arthur thing... you know what im not even gonna comment on that, i have no words

are we gonna get a Doyle in the next movie then? wait, no, don't answer that, i dont wanna know

Kid just taking Ls one after another was great, i appreciated that

Sonoko and her opera glasses... 10/10, i love her

i dont care for Makoto as a character tbh but i do like good things for Sonoko so im happy for her

a lot of Kid carrying Cone like a teddy bear on his hang glider, so valid

overall a B tier movie, not so bad after all

[seokjinsonlyone]

fall into your blu

pairing: seokjin x female reader

summary: “You don’t have to look like Beyoncé for me to be attracted to you.”

genre: friends to lovers; fluff; slow burn? kinda

warnings: there’s like a brief joking mention of booty calls; oc is like securely insecure; not much else really lol

rating: pg

wc: 7.1k

“I’m sorry I can’t... accept... this?” She winced, closing the door behind him. Felt kind of bad for not letting him get more than five feet into her place before shooting him down. She just didn’t want to have this conversation outside her building. Felt worse for referring to his confession as if it were a dirty gym sock.

His face fell. “Why not?” She doesn’t know what he thought would happen in this situation honestly. They’ve been friends for a good few years. Jin’s seen what she’s like when these kinds of things happen. 

“Because I’m not pretty,” she stated plainly as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which, to her, it was. 

“You are,” he refuted.

“I’m not.” She wasn’t. She consumed enough media and spent enough time around actual pretty people in her lifetime to note the difference.

“You are to me.”

And well, okay, she wasn’t going to argue with him. Wasn’t any point in that. “But, like, I’m not, and I mean that’s fine for me. Like I accepted it a while ago, but it’s not fine for you.” 

And it was fine. Not being pretty wasn’t the end of. It didn’t make her any less valuable as a person. In fact, it helped her develop a top tier personality. Also, less people bothered her and she didn’t have to worry about anyone having high expectations for her simply because of her appearance. Sure, she cried over her lack of physical beauty every few months, but who didn’t? Such was life as a twenty something.

 “Are you saying this because you don’t like me? You can just tell me if you don’t.” He asked, narrowing his eyes at her, trying to read between the lines of her statement. There wasn’t anything underlying it, though.

“I mean... honestly I can’t say that I’ve put too much thought into us, like, together. But that’s, mainly because you’re out of my league.” Sure when they first met sometimes he’d smile at her and her heart would drop or her stomach would erupt with butterflies when he texted her, but she never let it get much further than that. Nipped it right in the bud. There was no point in a two pining over a ten. Okay, she didn’t see herself quite as a two. On her best days, she was a solid five maybe a five and a half with confidence but still. So, she settled into the role of friend easily and she liked it there. There was no ambiguity, she didn’t have to torture herself trying to analyze every little thing he did and said to her because there was no possibility of more. Until now, she guessed.

“I’m literally not?” He was. 

“You are though.” Jin opened his mouth but she shook her head explaining further. “Objectively speaking, you’re very handsome and you’re a good dude on top of that. We’re friends right?”

He nodded hesitantly.

“Okay and friends should push each other to do better. which is why I can’t accept... your feelings?” She couldn’t wrap her head around the idea that he could possibly want to be anything other than friends. She couldn’t believe they were actually friends. The only time she was friends with straight males were when they were friends with her pretty friends and thus were forced into spending time with her and realized she was actually cool aside from, like, not being pretty. “You can get someone who’s hot and a good person.”

“What if I don’t want someone who’s hot and a good person?”

“Then you’re stupid,” she snorted. “I want someone who’s hot and a good person.”

“You literally just said I was both of those things.”

“Yeah, but that’s unrealistic. What would we look like walking next to each other holding hands?”

“A couple.”

She curled her lips at him. “Yeah, a couple of clowns.”

His lips dropped into a small pout clearly unamused with her line of reasoning, which again was very confusing seeing as she was spitting facts. The logic was impenetrable. “I’m being serious,” he whined, “ It took a lot to work up the courage to say something, and you’re kind of breaking my heart.”

And, well she didn’t want that. Like, she didn’t do feelings. Most days she’d rather die than emote, but she ain’t want to break his heart. She sighed, sitting on the couch and running her hands down her face, decidedly tucking her humor-coated defense mechanism away and tried to level with him. “I just don’t understand where all this is coming from?” 

Which wasn’t the entire truth. She noticed he was acting a bit different toward her, a little more soft (lending her his jacket and tucking her underneath his arm when she was cold), a tad more vulnerable (sometimes when she asked the classic ‘how are you?’ he actually told her instead of responding ‘i’m fine’), a bit more thoughtful (when she was over his place the other day and was feeling a bit peckish he had some of her favorite snacks, even the ones he didn’t particularly care for. She looked at him like he had grown a second head, but he shrugged it off with a ‘you like it, don’t you?’). So, she can’t say this is all completely coming from left field, but she genuinely didn’t expect a confession. Didn’t expect him to grab her hand before she could go inside after dropping her off from their day out and tell her “I like you. I like you so much.”

Absently, she wonders if their outing had been some sort of ‘not date’ date. Now that she was thinking about it, they’d been spending a lot of time together just the two of them lately. The first few times when he invited her out she’d come expecting at least a few of their other friends to be with him, but didn’t really think much of their absence. She enjoyed his company and didn’t want him to think otherwise. 

She also wonders if she had been subconsciously leading him on. She never actually rejected any of his advances, if that’s what they actually were. When he wrapped his arm around her, she leaned into his touch. It was, it was odd, but not unwelcome because she was cold. When he confided in her, she listened and tried her best to be comforting and boost him up. As a friend, she felt that was her obligation. When he bought her snacks or paid for her meals, she didn’t put up too much of a fight because well a) free food and b) she treated more than a few times.

“You don’t have to look like Beyoncé for me to be attracted to you.”

She stared at him blankly. He had a point there. Even though she wasn’t anything to write home about and despite her earlier declaration that she wanted someone who was hot, she definitely had crushes on a few people who were worse for wear to say the least. She also knew that if he was here telling her about anyone else, Beyoncé or not, she’d be happy telling him to go for it. But, it wasn’t anyone else. It was her. And, her brain was quite literally short circuiting at the thought of him… and her… them… together. 

Her silence was perturbing him. She could tell by the way he forced a smile onto his face and stood up. “Hey, look, don’t worry about it. It’s, it’s fine. I’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”

But, she wasn’t worried about that. She knew they’d be okay. They had the same personality type. They were very similar in many ways. She knew that if she really wasn’t for it, they’d still be friends. She would give him a little space, and if they happened to be brought together through their mutual friends she’d ignore whatever crush he’d allowed himself to develop and pretend everything was fine. Jin would deal with his feelings privately and put on a smile in front of her. It might be a bit awkward for a while, but they’d be okay. She knew that. It’s why she reached out her hand, interlocking their fingers, to stop him before he walked away. 

“Hey, don’t– don’t go. I mean, you can if you want to, but like–“ What was she trying to say? If you looked into her brain it’d probably resemble that one episode of spongebob when all the files got thrown out trying to figure out fine dining and everything was up in flames. The little hers running around her mind didn’t know what to do. She took a deep breath. “Like I said before, I haven’t really thought about us, but I’m not… opposed to it.”

His shoulders slouched and he released a breath looking back down at her, squeezing her palm. “Okay, okay, that’s good. A chance is all I’m asking for.” He shot her a small smile, then flicked her forehead.  “I’ll still go, though. Let you get a head start on thinking. I know it takes you a while.”

Her jaw dropped feeling utterly scandalised. “I changed my mind. I don’t even wanna be friends anymore.”

“Pffftttt. You wouldn’t be able to live without me.”

She scoffed in return. “Yeah right. In your dreams.”

“Yes, you are.” He dropped a wink and spun out the door.

She stared blankly in his wake. Did he just admit to dreaming about her? 

She sank down further in the bathtub, face being the only thing left unsubmerged. Well, her face and like the entirety of her legs. They were leant against the wall of the shower. She wasn’t tall by any means, but her tub definitely was not meant for the soaking she liked to do. 

Despite being young, she felt like she inhabited the body of someone twice her age and could honestly lay semi conscious in hot water (nearing cool by the time she got out) until you couldn’t distinguish her from a dried date. She also just liked being in the bathroom because it was the only place she was truly alone and disconnected. Well, her phone was always an arms length away because not having her phone nearby gave her anxiety and not every time she entered a bathroom did she want to be left to her thoughts. Too much time in her mind was detrimental to her mental well-being. 

However, she had a lot to dissect tonight. She thought taking a bath would calm her down and while it did help channel her thoughts a bit, it did nothing to stop the fluttering in her heart. It was nice to know that she was liked. That someone saw something in her she didn’t see in herself. It also helped that said person was one of the most objectively handsome people she’s ever seen. But, that’s what worried her the most. It was fine that he liked her. It would be fine if that was all it was. If she could live in this purgatory of being liked, of having his attention no strings attached she would. She held the upper hand. He essentially handed his heart over to her while hers was still firmly beating in her own chest. But, what would happen if she started to reciprocate his feelings? If she gave him her heart in return?

Because the thing is, she knows it would be easy to give into him. It was easy being his friend. They just clicked in all the right places. It’s not like they were super close. Like, they’d definitely grown closer over the last few months, enthralling each other in late night text conversations and sending so many voice messages one could argue that they’d might as well been on a phone call (that consumed a very different level of social energy they both rarely could expel tho), but again it wasn’t the fear of losing him that made her hesitate. It was the fear of losing herself. If she gave herself over to him fully and somewhere along the line he decided he didn’t want her, it’d devastate her. She could almost see the heartbreak, the loss of self esteem, the ongoing existential crises from there. It was scary. 

And it’s not like she thought Jin would intentionally hurt her because she didn’t; she trusted him. He was very honest and sincere. It was something she greatly admired about him. He was soft in all the places she was hard. Rounded in all the places she was sharp, and it made her grateful that life was kind of enough to grant him such privileges. Life hadn’t been as kind to her. When you grow up not being pretty on top of lacking social skills on top of having uncommon interests, things tend to be a bit different, more difficult. 

Still, she wondered when would she ever get this opportunity again? It’d taken this long for one to arise, who knows if another chance would ever come.  And as much as she liked to think about each and every way this situation could go wrong she owed it to Jin, to herself, to think about what could happen if things went right. Typically hope and expectations were squashed down immediately. It was the number one way to play yourself, but just this once she allowed her mind to wander to the optimism deep within.

Them as a couple seemed a bit far fetched from a bird’s eye view, but personally she could kind of see them together. She could see herself happy with him and vice versa. Could almost make out him staring at her in adoration. Maybe they could be in love. She didn’t want to get ahead of herself. But maybe. Just maybe, it might work. 

She felt strange. In a good way. Kind of like she unlocked some sort of hidden secret to life. She felt normal. And, it’s not like she was some kind of weird, misfit, loner. She was cool. She had a good group of friends. She had acquaintances. Her coworkers all liked her and they bonded over their mutual dissatisfaction with their place of employment. But, she’d never had whatever this was. Sure, she’s been the object of a few people’s affections but never ones she would ever think about looking twice at. In turn, she’s had a few crushes who didn’t look in her direction. This was different though, Jin was looking at her and he was… definitely in her peripherals.

It wasn’t as if years of repressed feelings came rushing to the surface when he told her he liked her because they genuinely weren’t like that. But, the more she toyed with the idea the more appealing it sounded. She couldn’t allow herself to dive head first though. She needed to be sure this was real. It’s why she texted him after a few days of very little interaction, only signs of life in the videos she sent him from tiktok and his phone generated reactions.

[6:42pm] y/n: you up? 👀

She tried to be as casual as possible, but she’d never been this nervous texting him before. A little afraid he’d rescind his confession.

[6:45pm] jinnie from the block: it’s not even 7 why wouldn’t i be up

[6:47pm] y/n: ion know 🤷‍♀️ i heard old people go to sleep early

[6:47pm] y/n: have dinner round bout 4 and sleep by the time sun sets

[6:48pm] jinnie from the block: omg i’m not that much older than you

[6:48pm] jinnie from the block: anyway what’s up? this a booty call??

She nearly dropped her phone on her face.

[6:48pm] y/n: JIN ADSFLJADSFLJ

[6:48pm] y/n: have some decency booty call hours are between 10pm and 3am

[6:49pm] y/n: ion make them kinds of propositions in the light of day 😤🤚

[6:49pm] y/n: no omg i just wanted to know if you wanted to grab lunch tomorrow?

[6:51pm] jinnie from the block: booty ✍️  call ✍️ between ✍️ 10 ✍️  and ✍️ 3 ✍️. Got it.

[6:52pm] jinnie from the block: you asking me out on a date??? 👁👄👁

Her brain short circuited once again. Was she asking him out on a date? She didn’t think she was. She might’ve been. She was going to tell him that she was going to give him the chance he asked for. Things would change a little after that, wouldn’t they? They’d be like seeing each other. She was probably making this a bigger deal than it needed to be. She could tell she definitely was when he texted her again after she failed to respond for five minutes.

[6:57pm] jinnie from the block: hey sorry i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable

[6:58pm] jinnie from the block: i was just joking. it doesn’t have to be a date 

[7:01pm] y/n: lol no ur fine that was fine i’m just being 🤠😃🤡

[7:02pm] y/n: i mean it’s not not a date

[7:02pm] y/n: like what really is a date 🧐

[7:03pm] y/n: according to google it’s a social or romantic appointment or engagement so i guess technically it is a date

[7:04pm] jinnie from the block: sweet ❤️ where we going

Now she was standing in front of the place they’d arranged to meet up, telling herself to calm down. No need to be feeling lightheaded at the sight of Jin. It was just her friend who liked her. Her friend that could be her boyfriend in a few weeks. It was fine. Everything was fine. She decidedly squashed the majority of those feelings down and entered the building. She was already ten minutes late, but he should’ve known by now that time was relative to her.

She circled her head around the area trying to spot him. She for sure saw his car in the lot. It didn’t take long to find him seated in a booth at the far corner of the restaurant. Was a wave a sufficient greeting? Was she supposed to hug him? A handshake would be weird, right? Why was she so unfamiliar with the protocol for this situation? So caught up in her thoughts, she hadn’t realized she already approached the table and was hovering awkwardly next to it. 

He scrunched his face up at her. “Don’t be weird about it. Sit down.”

“I’m not being weird about it.” She was. But, like, now she didn’t know where to sit. Across from him? That left room for a lot of eye contact. Did she want that? Sitting next to him felt rather intimate though. She didn’t get to make that decision as Jin rolled his eyes and pulled her down into the spot next to him then flicked her head. She let out a small squeak at the action. “Why you keep doing that?”

“Because you keep being weird.”

“I’m cooler than you,” she scoffed. 

“Are you?”

“Yes,” she bit back before retracting her answer, giggling. “No. Well, maybe. See you act weird and then apologise for it. I never apologise for my weird behaviour.”

He raised one brow at her. “And that makes you cooler than me?”

“Uh, yah. In movies, the cool girl is always the one who’s quirky and never apologises for being so.”

“Mhm. Okay,” he said dismissively, beginning to peruse the menu. “If you could be in a movie, which one would you be in?”

“A bug’s life,” she replied immediately.

His eyes widened, looking down at her. “No hesitation? A Bug’s Life? Have you been waiting to be asked this your whole life?”

She shrugged. “No, it was just the first movie that popped into my head. I’ll stick to it, though. You got an innovative social outcast who brings together a ragtag bunch of misfits who end up starting and winning a class war and saving their people from subsequent oppression. Overthrowing the bourgeoisie? Now that’s what I’ve been waiting my whole life to do.”

He chuckled. “I can’t believe you just used the word ragtag.”

“Using the word ragtag is also something I’ve been waiting my whole life to do. There are surprisingly little opportunities to use it. You know what else there is surprisingly little of? Quicksand.”

From there they launched into conversation about any and everything. She was talking so much, so animatedly that she barely touched her food. She’d take a bite every now and then when he tapped her plate with his utensils, but he ultimately picked at her food more than she did, stealing small bites in between her musings on various conspiracy theories. It wasn’t rare for her to not eat while engaged in conversation, but it was rare for her to be engaged so deeply in conversation outside her really close girl friends. She took a mental note at the fact and added it to the ever growing list of reasons why being with him wouldn’t be so bad. 

At some point, she’d begun to turn towards him, so much so that by the time she’d gotten a to-go box for the rest of her meal that she was nearly completely facing him. He was listening to her ramble on about straws being a cash grab by the fast food industry with his elbow on the table, head propped up on his hand, a small smile gracing his face when he reached for her hair sweeping a few strands that escaped from the mass of curls she had pinned back away from her eye. She stopped talking instantly, mind going blank. She ain’t never had her hair swept back, her face gently caressed by a man.

“You’re blushing.”

“Am not,” she protested, face heating up further.

“You are.” 

She wanted to knock the amused smirk off his face. Retribution would come at some point. “I’m brown. You can’t tell if I’m blushing.”

He snorted. “It’s written all over your face and,” he pressed a palm to her cheek, “your cheeks are on fire.”

She smacked his hand away. “They’re not. I’m just naturally hot blooded.” That was a lie. They both knew it.

“You’re anemic. You are the coldest person I know. You cry when the weather drops below 70.”

“Shut up,” she mumbled, hiding her face in her hands. It was in her moment of shame, unintentionally expressing feelings, that she remembered the whole reason they were there in the first place. She always forgot herself once she got started up on the bourgeoisie. Still, she was unsure how to approach the topic. She wrestled back and forth for a few seconds before mentally shrugging. Direct was probably best. They were both grown. “So… you like me?”

He gulped, seemingly nervous at the shift in topic. “Hey, listen, like I said don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”

“I mean… if you want me to forget about it I will. Otherwise, I was willing to worry about it.” 

His eyes widened at you, catching your gaze before looking downwards. “Really?”

She smacked his arm, sliding out of the booth and grabbing the bag holding her food which he took out of her hand after he slid out. “What? You think I’m mean or something?” To be fair she was a little mean, but she wasn’t cruel. “You think I would sit here and have lunch with you if I was gonna tell you to leave me alone after?”

“I don’t know! You were calling me bro this whole time. I thought you were preparing me for the friendzone!”

She rolled her eyes. “Bro, I call everyone bro.”

“That’s not true. You call children honey,” he corrected, holding the door open for her.

She pursed her lips at him. It was weird to know that Jin had been actively perceiving her. Like he just knew stuff about her. And it’s not like she didn’t know anything about him; they’d been friends for a while. But, she didn’t pay special attention to things like how he addressed children. It made her feel… something. “What? What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing. It’s just…” she gesticulated wildly trying to figure out the right words to say. “I don’t know. It’s weird that you notice me. That you like me. Nobody likes me.”

“My name’s Seokjin actually,” he joked. She rolled her eyes. “Besides I’ve been noticing you for a while, there’s a lot to like,” he admitted, voice softening.

Her heart squeezed in her chest. She liked the way he made her feel. It was scary, but she liked it. She liked it so much that she threw caution to the wind and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together as they walked side by side. She could feel him burning a whole into the side of her face, but she refused to make eye contact. She was acting so out of character. She was going to have a serious chat with herself later. “Don’t be weird about it,” she mimicked.

He giggled but stopped staring at her so she guessed it was alright. “You into PDA?”

“Ummm… I don’t think so? It doesn’t seem like something I’d be very into. I mean, this is okay,” she answered, swinging their conjoined hands slightly before tacking on, “Is this– is this okay for you?” and looking up timidly. 

“This is okay for me,” he confirmed, squeezing her hand. “You’re so cute. You try to act all icy like you’re the abominable snowman, but really you’re just bigfoot.”

“I can’t believe you just called me cute and bigfoot in the same sentence.”

“Well, you’re definitely not a normal creature.”

“But, why I gotta be a cryptid?”

“What would you prefer to be?”

She mulled it over for a few moments. “Nah. You’re right bigfoot works for me. A myth and a legend is what I strive to be.”

“It’s what you already are.”

She smiled to herself as they continued walking. She didn’t know where they were going seeing as they both drove but didn’t speak up. She liked this. Liked how normal everything felt. They were like how they always were except now they held hands and flirted a little. It was nice. 

“Hey,” he said a few minutes later, pulling her from her thoughts, loosening his grip on her hand and opening the door to an ice cream shop. Hmmm. A man with a plan. Nice. “You wanna go to Jimin’s later? He invited me yesterday.”

“Is Jungkook gonna be there?” She asked absentmindedly, filling her cup with various flavours.  

“Why?”

“He’s my little brother, and I love him.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “He’s six months older than you and Korean.”

“First of all, families can look however they want. It’s what’s on the inside the counts. Has Lilo and Stitch taught you nothing? Ohana means family,” she countered, sitting at one of the tables. “Second, age is a social construct.”

“Alright, I can let you slide on your first point, but age is not a social construct.”

“It is, though. Think about it. What is one year? The time it takes the earth to revolve around the sun. The earth was just in a slightly different position than it was when he was born from when I was born. Think about it in terms of light years. 1 light year is about 5.9 trillion miles. The earth travels about 584 million miles around the sun. Cut that in half and you get 292 million miles. Which is like 5 hundredths of 1 light year. Scale that down and you’re literally sitting further than how much older Jungkook is than me.”

He stared blankly at her. “You say so much nonsense on a regular basis that I forget how smart you are. But, also it’s impressive how you’re able to say such nonsense in such an intelligent manner.”

“It’s part of my charm.”. 

He shook his head. “Anyway, Jungkook?”

“He owes me $10. Keeps asking me to buy him snacks or adding his stuff to mine when we go to the convenience store. If he’s there, I plan to attack.” He hummed in response. “What about Yoongi? And before you ask me why, it’s because he’s my soulmate.”

“I hate to break it to you babe, but Yoongi is my soulmate.”

“I beg to differ.”

“I don’t. I’ve known him longer.”

She scoffed. “Okay, and? In most dramas they introduce the second male lead first. You just paved the way for me homie.”

“You and Yoongi are the same person and therefore cannot be soulmates.”

She paused mid bite. “That’s fair. I guess he can be my duplicate and your soulmate. I would say he’s my twin, but he already banned me from calling him that.”

“So, you in?”

“Mmm… I guess.” A thought suddenly occurred to her. “What are we gonna do about–“ she gestured between the two of them, “Like, I mean I know this is like, brand new, fresh from the womb. But–“

“They know,” he breathed out through a laugh, ending her rambling.

“They know?” Her eyebrows shot up. They knew? Was she the only one in their group oblivious to his feelings? 

“Well, they know everything up until what happened today. You mad?” he asked, obviously worried at the possibility of upsetting her.

She wasn’t particularly nosy. Wouldn’t have pried too much even if she suspected something was up. Still she didn’t like being out the loop. But, she guessed she was the most in the loop now, so there wasn’t really anything to be upset about now. Only thing she could hope for is that whatever they were doing worked out. It’d be humiliating otherwise. “Nah. Those are your boys. I get it.” 

He was allowed to talk to them about his life even if it did involve her. Even if they were friends as well. She would eventually tell her girls. She was just a bit emotionally stunted and unnecessarily private so it took longer to open up about her life. She would tell them sometime soon. Or they would find out from one of the guys and be cornered into spilling everything. Whichever came first. That was, if this even amounted to anything.

She hoped it did.

Thirty minutes before she was supposed to get off, she sent a text to Jin letting him know she definitely would not be getting off in thirty minutes. It sucked because she hadn’t seen him in a week, and they were supposed to be going on a date tonight. There was no way, though, that she could leave her department in good conscience. She just added it to the ever growing list of frustrations that had been piling up. 

Today was the third day in a row her coworkers left the entire day’s work for her during the night. How could two people waste eight hours (sixteen total) doing absolutely nothing? She didn’t like to work herself but she did it because that was what she was being paid to do. She did it because she hated for others to be left with an overwhelming amount of tasks. Apparently, she was the only one who shared such a sentiment in her department. 

To add insult to injury she also hadn’t slept very well that night, she didn't get a chance to eat or drink today, and she missed Jin. She took a deep breath, pushing away the burning sensation building behind her eyes and kept moving.

Within five minutes of entering her home, she was in the shower eager to wash the day away. She sighed deeply as the hot water hit her shoulders, cascading down the rest of her body. It allowed her to get rid of the thoughts of work. She didn’t like to bring it home physically or mentally. What happened happened. Knowing her coworkers it would probably happen again. She truly liked them as people but sometimes their work ethic made her want to strangle them. 

Now her main concern was Jin. They’d been dating for a little over a month and a half. Or, well, seeing each other. Things still hadn’t been labelled. They went on dates though. Was that considered dating? She made a mental note to google dating. Either way, she missed him. A lot. More than she thought she would. And, it’s not like they saw each other every single day, but seven consecutive days was a lot. She’s kind of grateful for it though. It made her realize how much she liked him. Up until now, she was still approaching everything surrounding him with a healthy level of skepticism. Feeling him out. Feeling herself out. Trying to see if continuing down this road was really worth it. If it was something she truly wanted not because she liked to be liked but because she liked him. 

And, she did. So much. Before he was just her very chaotic friend. Her go-to for group shenanigans. But when she really paid attention to him, there was just so much to like. She liked how he texted her good morning and good night every day. First, she thought it was corny. Asked him why he was texting her like her grandma only for her heart to end up in a puddle when he told her he had to let her know he was thinking of her when he first woke up and just before he went to sleep. She liked how respectful he was of her boundaries (even when she didn’t necessarily want him to be). “I know I have a bit of a head start, so I’m sorry if that was too much. I don’t want to rush you,” he’d apologized a few weeks ago after kissing her cheek while dropping her home. It caught her a bit off guard, yeah, but it wasn’t unwelcome. Like at all. And yeah she did still like how chaotic he was. Liked how he helped her beat up Jungkook that one night (she didn’t really want any money back. She never minded buying him snacks here and there. Just didn’t want him to know that and get too comfortable. Had to keep the upper hand for the big sister agenda). He was still her best friend and she liked that. 

She planned on telling him as much tonight, which was why this turn of events was so upsetting. Deep down she knew that a few more days wouldn’t be so bad. It wasn’t a life or death situation. It would be fine. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that. But, as it stood none of her basic needs were being met and her day was awful and she just couldn’t bring the little optimism that lived deep, deep, deep down within her to the surface. So, it was with a heavy heart that she got dressed following her shower and began her daily stare down with the contents of her refrigerator.

She has no idea why she didn’t stop and get food before she came home. She knew she ain’t have anything. Can’t imagine why she thought ‘the food at the crib’ (rotting spinach, a tangerine, and cranberry-grape juice) was gonna sustain her. A whine bubbled up in her throat and the burning sensation behind her eyes returned with a vengeance. She was seconds away from unloading the emotional baggage the week packed onto her, when a knock sounded at the door.

Quickly, she swallowed back all her feelings and prayed whoever decided to show up would be quick lest they be subject to her breakdown. Yet, it was precisely the person at the door who launched her breakdown into full speed.

Jin. With takeout.

She was so overcome with emotion at the sight of him that she immediately burst into tears. She made it a point not to cry too often because it was an ordeal for her. Her eyes got all red and puffy and she got a headache then she needed to sleep. An ordeal. Probably because when she cried she tended to cry for her past, present, and future; but that was a story for a therapy session she’d probably never go to. 

He quickly sat the food down on her coffee table and wrapped her in his arms as she gave way to tears. She cried for all the bad things she’d been going through. She cried for the week they spent apart. She cried for the awful day she had. She cried because her next shift would probably be just as bad. Unexpectedly, though, she also cried tears of relief. She was so relieved that Jin was there. She’s missed him so much. She was relieved he brought food because she was starving. She was relieved he cared about her at all. “What are you doing here?” she hiccuped out, attempting to even out her breathing and draw this crying spell to a close.

“I still wanted to hang out tonight,” he explained gently, “Also my spidey senses told me you hadn’t ate yet.”

She choked out a laugh, nuzzling her face further into his chest. Not quite ready to leave the cocoon she’d trapped herself in. She needed a moment to gather herself and her thoughts together because the urge to spill her guts was raging. She knew the second she looked into his eyes she’d be giving her heart to him. Also, she really enjoyed the way his hands rubbed circles on her back. 

They stayed huddled for a couple more minutes before she pulled back, looking up at him. He was so beautiful up close it was unreal. He brought his hands up from her waist, cupping her cheeks, wiping away a few stray tears with his thumb. “Don’t look at me like that. I know I look like a teletubby right now.”

“You actually look like Mrs. Puff.” 

She stuttered out another laugh, smacking his chest noting the wet patch she left. “I’m sorry about your shirt.”

“It’ll dry.” He dropped his hands back down, this time settling upon her hips. ��Are you okay? You wanna talk about it?”

She shook her head. Didn’t feel like rehashing her day. Would rather live in this moment. “Just a very long day and I– I, um–“ she gulped, forcing the words out “–I missed you.” She was on a roll now. Might as well get it all out there. “A lot. And… I really like you Seokjin. I’m sorry it took so long to say it. But, um, yeah I do. And, I want to be with you.”

Her eyes remained firmly fixed on his chest, heat washing over her form. Why did she feel so embarrassed right now? It’s not like he was going to reject her. Still, she refused to meet his gaze. That was until he lifted her chin with his finger. “I’m going to kiss you now.” Her eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights. “Don’t be weird about it,” he smiled, cupping her face with one hand and bringing the hand at her hip to her neck, pressing their lips together.

She knew it was coming. He literally announced it before he started kissing her, but it didn’t stop her entire body from tensing up the second as she felt the gentle pressure of his lips against hers. In fact, she felt herself astral projecting, soul hovering just outside of her body to confirm it was inhabiting the right person. Then, all at once she came back to herself and melted into his touch slowly bringing her arms to wrap around his waist. Why hadn’t they been doing this the whole time? When will she be able to do it again?

He gently sucked on her bottom lip for a few seconds before pulling away slightly leaving a series of pecks in his wake. He rested his forehead against hers as they broke apart. Her heart was beating so fast she felt like she was gonna throw up. Or cry. Or both. This probably wasn’t the best position for him. He had a good few inches on her. Still, she didn’t want to pop the bubble they’d created. That was until her stomach loudly rumbled doing exactly that. 

Her mind then became solely preoccupied with obtaining some form of sustenance. “What kind of food did you bring?” she asked, dropping to her knees in front of the coffee table where the abandoned takeout was sitting and rifling through the bags herself. “Chinese. Nice.”

He chuckled in disbelief. “That’s my girl.”

“So… you’re my boyfriend now,” she stated leaning back against the couch once her food tunnel vision widened out. Which was, like, kind of a big deal. She was never one to define relationships even if it was pretty obvious. Didn’t like to take the chance of being rejected. But, he’d put himself out there enough. She could do this one thing and she was like 87.2% sure they were on the same page. 

“It seems so.”

He wrapped an arm around her tugging her closer before pressing a kiss against her cheek. Warmth flooded through her system and her heart began to swell followed by a wave of mortification as she thought about what this really meant. “Bro, this is so embarrassing.”

“Hey!” he whined. The arm used to cuddle her was now being used to keep her in a headlock. 

“F in the chat for our fallen soldier.” She fake sniffled. “What am I supposed to tell Yoongi? We made a pact. We were supposed to die alone together.”

“Suddenly, I’m regretting this entire thing.”

“We have to put up an iron wall in front of the boys. I have a reputation to protect. They can’t know I feel.”

“We’ve been dating for almost 2 months already.” So, it was dating.

“Yeah, but they were being oddly nice about it,” she pouted. They were. They knew her. Knew this was way  out of her comfort zone and didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. And, they definitely didn’t want to do or say anything to mess this up for Jin. But, now that they were official she’s sure pandora’s box was about to be opened. Everything they’d been holding back was going to be unleashed. “It’s all over now. The teasing will be relentless.”

“I’m your boyfriend now. You’re my girlfriend. I’ll protect you,” he declared proudly.

She snorted. “Corny.” She loved it.

[radramblog]

Rating the letters of the alphabet

I feel like part of my style of comedy is just rambling about shit and making loose connections between things as part of an overall bit. I think. I’m no expert on myself, unfortunately.

The inspiration for the following absolute load of shite is trying to search Tiermaker for nothing. Like, no characters in the search bar. Didn’t come up with anything. Did a search for just a space. No dice. What about just a? Surely that’ll bring up everything with an A in the title. But it didn’t, and I was somewhat disappointed.

Then my head started writing bits about letters and that’s how we got here. This is probably really stupid, but maybe it’ll at least be fun. Wordplay is cool, though maybe not my strong suit? Anyway.

A: A is one of the two letters that’s also just a word, as you’ve just seen, giving it a necessary promotion in rank. Not a lot of things get to double up like that, though with the “an” ligature maybe it’s actually a double or nothing. But because of the confusing common connection crossing contexts for the character, it gets somewhat awkward to talk about the letter in conversation. An A, in my opinion, A does not get. 4/5.

B: B is also just a word letter but unlike A when you write it out you have to stick a few extra letters on to make it work, making it not as good. But B’s association with bees isn’t enough, because in the year of our lord, like, 2019 or something, it would become inextrixably linked with shite memes as the B emoji became king. And I just don’t respect that. It’s otherwise a fine letter, dragged down by its company. 2/5.

C: Oh come on now, the word doesn’t even have a C in it anymore! You can sea the see without any of our tertiary letter’s involvement whatsoever. Not to mention how its two main sounds are just copies from other letters wholesale. C must be confusing to non-english speakers, I’d imagine. C as a grade gets what C as a grade typically entails for many a schoolchild. 3/5.

D: It would be remiss of me not to give a sterling grade to the D. Why, none of us would be here without it. While many a youth may find the D to be quite a humourous subject, I assure you I’m taking it with the gravest of sincerity when I say the D has got to be one of the best letters of all.

And by D I mean deity, of course. Wait, what did you think I meant? 5/5.

E: The absolute absurdity that is the E meme elevates E efficiently enough to excel beyond many another vowel. However, it is also the single most common letter in the English language, going so far as to open the damn name. It’s to the point where someone made a point of writing an entire book without using it, and I think Gadsby is cool but mayhaps avoiding fifth uncial was a bit showy. I can’t help but mark it down for the sake of hipster cred. 3/5.

F: F is for Fuck. I like the word Fuck. F is for paying respects. I think the military-industrial complex has poisoned our cultural landscape to the point that a reference to one of its most prized productions’ awkward moments has become one of the most colloquially used meme letters in existence, And That’s Terrible. 3/5, I’m conflicted.

G: Man literally who the fuck cares about G. What is it even good for. Just an absolute waste of a letter, total shithouse. It’s NATO equivalent is Golf, the Worst Sport, too. Who asked for any of this? Just use a J instead, it’s cooler. 1/5.

H: I’ve seen “Hhh” used enough times in written forms of pornography to not consider it a Horny Letter. That and it, being short for Hentai, is often used to denote adult material in Japan. Basically what im saying is, I think this gets worse the less sex-positive you are. 6/9.

I: I think I’ve said enough about letter words already, but I is another high-tier one because like A I is just it’s own thing. It can also, however, be a bit confusing, looking just like an l a lot of the time, and having to constantly capitalise it is a pain in the ass. I also don’t have a particularly high opinion of myself, so a high opinion of I seems disingenuous. 3/5.

J: Clearly the best letter, hands down. I’m definitely not biased. There are so few letters as underappreciated by J- a fact many a person who’s had to do that “assign yourself an alliterative adjective” icebreaker game has had to reckon with. Because it appears to be a lot more popular with names than with words, and that just kind of sucks. 6/5.

K: K has in some circles managed to bump off its partner to become yet another letter word, though in a very informal abbreviated sense. However, when you’re looking into scientific fields, eventually said partner returns, having lost some weight on the trip down to absolute zero. This all makes complete sense in my head, and I’m sure is a lot less funny to anyone who doesn’t live there. 4/5.

L: I’d argue that L doesn’t cop its namesake. It’s a really useful letter, loads of words use it, especially in pairs, and my ADHD-brain thought it was fun to just say LLLLLLLLLLL for a bit while I was thinking about this so I guess that’s staying in now. Put me down as an L Lobbyist. 4/5.

M: Mmmmmm. M&Ms. But also it’s kind of a pain to write. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. 3/5.

N: I’d like to fight whoever decided we should have two letters that sound so similar right bloody next to each other in the alphabet. Actually, who the fuck even decided the alphabet’s order to begin with? Maybe it should go M to N, that’ll bloody show you. 2/5.

O: Our fourth vowel, and perhaps one of the underappreciated ones. O is similarly a letter word, but a much more common one considering its use as an interjection. It’s also one half of a very powerful letter combo, as we’ll see. 4/5.

P: There’s the other half. Many a joke involves OP as a phrase, whether it mean overpowered or original poster, and the letters’ adjacency is a lovely bit of serendipity. Whenever I say P out loud, on its own, I have to resist the urge to do some incredibly shitty beatboxing, which may or may not be a good sign. 4/5.

Q: I was going to write some very harsh words about Q, and its dependency on U, but then I realised that that is probably hate speech against the disabled. It still sucks, though. 0/5.

R: R is the one I am most struggling to think of things to say about. R is another letter that’s just kinda there. I’m sure the Roberts and Rachels of the world would disagree with me, though. It’s also the name of a program that I know has traumatised a lot of young biologist wannabes, slapping us with a whole pile of maths and statistics when we just wanted to look at cool plants and shit. Or in my case, cool cells and shit. 2/5.

S: The most overrated consonant, but also the thing that makes plurals not a pain in the ass. However I’m going to lean towards giving S a positive rating, if only because it’s associated with snakesssss (and serpentine characters who can talk) and I like those. 3/5.

T: I don’t think T gets enough credit as one of the pillars of the English language. A lot of very common words feature it, and yet it feels like it never gets the same level of credit as big shots like S or half of the vowels. T is like the character actor of the alphabet, is basically what I’m saying. 4/5.

U: Ah, the letter Americans hate for some reason. I think this is actually commentary on the history of American politics. Because throughout history, America has been extremely selfish and self-centered, while attempting to present a positive image that people are finally seeing past. They only entered WWI and WWII when it was convenient for them, they started wars and initiated coups in even their allies for petty ideological reasons, and they’ve gone to war with several countries and funded wars with several others seeming just for shits and giggles. Because apparently if you’re not an American, then you’re not one of them, and that means they hate U. 4/5.

V: I actually think V is underrated. It’s a fun sound. That’s it, no joke here. It’s neat, I like it. 4/5.

W: This may come as a shock to you, but double-u over here is actually two Vs! unless you’re writing in cursive, but fuck cursive. The French actually have it right on this one, naming it double-v (pronounced doobleh-vay). Add in the fact that it’s literally just M upside down, and you’ve got a pretty shite letter. 1/5.

X: There’s a reason literally every “A is for Apple” thing you see made for kids uses Xylophone for X, and that’s because there are no commonly used words that start with it. Seriously, it’s all just scientific terms- I’d argue X-Ray is more common than Xylophone in common parlance, but also, who wants to explain imaging to a kid. It doesn’t even get a second page of words on Dictionary.com. X also has implications as a letter word, that I’d rather avoid at the moment. 2/5.

Y: Ah, Ygreck, everyone’s favourite “what the fuck, France?” moment. Between that and being sorta kinda not really a vowel, Y prompts its own question more often than I’d care to admit. 2/5.

Z: As a (technical) member of the generation associated with this letter- on the one hand, I’m sorry, on the other, y’all have it coming. The final letter of the alphabet, one of the other ones worth 10 in scrabble (and yet X isn’t???), and one we probably got pretty sick of in the early 00s when it was everywhere- ironically, when most of the generation was getting born. 2/5.

And that’s the lot of them. I hope this didn’t alienate any non-English speakers too hard. It’s probably fine.

Join me for more bullshit next time I have another stupid idea. I mean, tomorrow.

[bagelbite]

my thoughts on far from home

literally amazing oh my god. it is up there in my “absolute favourites” for both marvel movies and just movies in general. im just gonna word vommit my thoughts and then probably spam with other people’s posts lol.

!!!THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS!!!

- okay so the obvious: the cast. bruh i mean we all know that tom holland is incredible and everything, but i will say im a little bitter that everyone is acting like jake gyllenhaal is this “new” actor like hello he has be phenomenal for years like im glad hes getting the attention now because his performance of mysterio was literally god tier (he went completely feral with the role and it was amazing). also zendeya and jacob batalon are amazing but we weren’t surprised about that

- “you deal with the suit, i’ll deal with the music” its fine im not sobbing or anything

- THE HUMOR oh my gosh this movie is so funny like it perfectly captures the unmatched chaotic energy of a lovestruck-highschool-boy-that-is-also-a-superhero. like john watts does such a good job of shooting this movie so you never get to forget that peter is just a kid and he’s learning how to do everything and hes confused but trying his best

- it has all of these amazing action shots that just capture and demonstrate how capable peter is with his powers and athleticism and this movie actually shows the spidersense (or the peter tingle) in an AMAZING way like bruh i was sitting on the edge of my seat in those scenes

- i once again have to emphasize just how amazing jake gyllenhaal is in playing mysterio, as well as mysterio as a character. this is finally a marvel villian that isnt boring and forgettable, like bruh BRUH mysterio is amazing. and i love the fact that he is just a human. like he doesnt have any of these insane or threatening powers, hes just amazingly smart and borderline off his rocker. like he starts off and hes composed and thinks ahead for every possible option and he keeps himself in control, but slowly through out the movie you see him just go further and further off the edge to where he gets desperate and lashes out and doesnt care about the consequences. but then the mid credit scene reveals that even when hes dead and pushed to his end, he still had a plan to get back at peter.

- i love how in peters eyes, the other kid that was going after MJ (i forgot his name) was essentially as big a problem as literal global destruction like what homeboy

- even dead im the hero DONT TALK TO ME

- THE ENTIRE PART WHERE QUINTEN IS JUST TORMENTING PETER AND MAKING HIM QUESTION EVERYTHING BRUH like obviously that shit hurt (he literally had to watch mj “die”, saw his father-figure and mentor rise from the grave and come to attack him, as well as feeling completely helpless multiple times, thinking hes safe when fury shoots quinten but then it reveals that it was just an illusion to only further that he cant trust anything he sees)

- he literally got his by a train can this boy please get a break hes like sixteen

- omg im gonna cry thinking about the part when happy came and peter was so relieved and then the trauma of the hallucinations came back and he immediately put his guard back up and was ready to fight or run if it wasnt happy, but then he just completely breaks down when he realizes that hes safe

- HAPPY IS ONE OF THE MOST UNDERRATED CHARACTERS IN THE MCU!!!!!! this man was there for tony’s entire journey and helped him every step of the way and he genuinely cared for tony as a friend and platonic companion, and he had to watch his best friend die. and then he watches the “adoptee son” of tony go through a very similar journey, but years sooner than tony ever had to deal with it. and he watches peter doubt himself in the same areas tony did, but now hes been through helping tony so he knows how to help peter too. idk man i love happy and i get mad when hes forgotten

- we arent even going to talk about all of the similarities between peter and tony like ow ow OW OW OW

- one question, the multiverse is fake right? bc quentin technically faked it right so that means it isnt real? i hope its not real tbh bc that would make stuff even messier than it already is

- tbh i didnt really like fury being talos in the end but idk we’ll see what they do

- THE MUSIC HOW HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THAT YET BRUH THIS SOUNDTRACK IS INCREDIBLE

- okay i was shook at how much character depth they were able to give flash in literally like a few seconds. 1) when they were being picked up at the airport he was greated by a butler or bodyguard or something and he says “could mother not make it” and 2) he looked genuinely effected finding out that “spiderman watches my instagram?!”. both of these show you that he is truly just a kid that is ignored and left behind by his family and he is desperately seeking attention from anyone he can get it. and it doesnt excuse his aggressive behavior towards peter, but it does explain it

- again on the filming style and director choices, i loved how they filmed quentin’s big reveal plan like a “brooklyn 99 introduction” as i saw it so perfectly describe by @universe-exe

- PETER HAD HIS WHOLE IDENTITY EXPOSED which like lets be honest it was coming this boy can never keep his mask on but still it should have been on his own terms AND ALSO IT WAS DONE IN A WAY THAT FRAMES HIM AS BEING THIS MANIAC VILLIAN LIKE BRUH AND WE HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE NEXT MOVIE TO FIGURE OUT LIKE WHAT WHAT WHAT IM FREAKING OUT

- as much as i love how whump filled this movie is, i feel so bad for peter. he has only been a superhero for a handful of years and he has been through SO much like can this boy please just go to school and be a high schooler. like if this keeps up at this rate, he will literally be peter b parker from spiderverse in a matter of years

but yeah those are my thoughts and im hurt i love this movie so much like bruh im seeing it again tomorrow and i will be buying it as soon as possible i love it so much

[gukptune]

Blood Rank || One [m]

Pairing: jimin x reader

Genre: angst, vampire!au, highschool!au, eventual smut

Warnings: vampire!reader, human!jimin, mean!hoseok, asshole!taehyung, bloodbag!jungkook

Words: 2.3k

Plot Summary: Jimin is afraid for his best friend makes a deal with the devil he’s been in love with since he was 14.

a/n: not edited, sorry for any mistakes or errors in spelling and grammar!

B L O O D  R A N K - Part 1 / Part 2

This was no normal high school. Van Emrick’s Academy is a school in the supernatural world in which humans and vampires strive to live alongside each other. In it’s situated location with a higher ratio of vampires to humans, it’s high school was the same.

Location of the most wealthy of vampires and humans who worked together in business and relations. It’s high school was the exact same. With a student made hierarchy of blood rankings. Let’s just say the more vampire you are the more power you have within the system.

The supernatural world held all types of creatures of the night, including werewolves, witches, vampires and hybrids. Each species being restricted to it’s labeled school, humans had the upper hand here in being able to attend any of the three reigning schools.

Van Emrick’s Academy for Vampyres, Adolphus’ College for Lycans and lastly Necromancer Institute for Witchcraft and Wizardry. Hyrids, which were rare, get to choose their schools too but with limitations where they need to be somewhat related to the corresponding species.

The most prestigious and most powerful school of them all is of course Van Emrick’s due to their generous stream of funds towards the government by parents.

Park Jimin, was lucky enough to attend Van Emrick’s Academy― mostly due to his loaded parents and intelligence which he never really boasted about.

He boarded at the Academy, which was normal and all students do as the dorms were specular. He boarded mostly due to the fact that his parents believed that he’d have his mind strictly on education, which was something he believed in too but with those blood thirsty vampires, high rates of hormones and highly attractive people he was distracted nearly all the time.

He boarded in the Azrael dormitory alongside his housemates. Students were separated into seven different houses according to their corresponding Archangel. Extremely for the novelty and not practicality as students merely stayed within their houses in the dorms and common room only and mixed around otherwise.

There he was just laying on his bed in his dorm suite. He shared the large room with 3 other students. A text from his best friend woke him.

Sooyoung: U up? [6:42 am]

Sooyoung: Im in the cafeteria if ur wondering :D [6:42 am]

Sooyoung: Meet me here [6:43 am]

Jimin immediately stood up off his bed, he was already dressed and merely slipped his shoes on before taking off. His dorm mates were all still sleeping, probably due to how early he was up. Moving quietly outside the room and closing the door as quietly as he could to not wake anyone up.

He was out of the room in his clad uniform, sporting the academy’s signature dark navy uniform and his house crest on his blazer’s breast pocket. His tie done neatly and his blonde hair styled to perfection.

Jimin: Alright

Jimin: I’ll be there in 5

Which was a lie, he wasn’t going to be there in 5 minutes because it would be impossible. Her dorm was literally across the school and he wasn’t exactly going to run because he’d look extremely stupid.

Sooyoung: Okii take ur time

Sooyoung: im going to do some homework as I wait okay

Jimin knew that she wouldn’t eat without him as they always waited for each other. As he was texting a reply to her he was rammed into by something, well someone.

He fell to the floor with his phone a distance away from him. Uttering a low mumble. He looked up to see the person that ran into him.

Well shit. He thought.

In front of him was a practically shivering student. Jimin could see the collar on the poor guy’s neck. He was a blood bag. Jimin breathed slowly not really knowing what to do.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s okay. I’m fine,” Jimin quickly cut him off, giving him a reassuring smile before getting up slowly. The other boy trying to help him up but was too afraid to touch Jimin.

The hierarchy in this school was ridiculous, up in the top tier were the student council members usually students of the most pure blood line and had the most influence, of course they are leading all the students. In the second tier, were pure blood vampires, then third were half bloods, fourth were those turned, whilst confusing humans held the tier between third and fourth since their influence mattered more. Including their wealth and connections. Lastly were the blood bags, also called “tractare”, mostly these were anyone who made deals with the council and couldn’t pay it back.

You might believe that this school’s currency was blood but it wasn’t it was favours and real money. People wanted things done, scores raised, reputation raised or rumours dead would make offerings. If unpaid the council turns them into blood bags, meaning that their lives were now in the president’s hands.

Only the most desperate go to them, being their offers were hard to pay for, that’s why most students turn into blood bags so easily.

Jimin knew this boy, he was in his Chemistry class. His name was Jungkook, rumours risen about him watching girl’s in the changing room and jacking off to them. He wanted all of that to disappear so he asked the council, Jimin didn’t know what the payment was but he failed to pay, now he lives as feed.

Jungkook was shaking. This boy was pale and frail. Jimin couldn’t help but feel so bad for him.

But a voice boomed over the crowding audience. “Now, now, tractare-shi, learn your manners.”

The voice was head secretary, Jung Hoseok. He shoved Jungkook’s head onto the ground. The younger boy immediately began bowing to Jimin, over and over.

Jimin’s eyes practically bulging out of his head. Hoseok merely smirked. Tension rises as Jimin feels extremely worried.

“Sorry about the livestock, he’s fresh, still learning... hope you understand,” He chuckled as he dragged Jungkook by the collar away.

Jimin stood frozen as the students around him disappeared. Running into a student council member was rare, speaking to one was even more rare, well he was being spoken to but still. 

He could finally breathe and made his way to his destination.

“That’s literally so horrible,” Sooyoung sighed as she bit into her croissant, “Why does this system even exist!”

Jimin looked up from his cereal to see his best friend frowning, “I don’t know.”

“We should change it, isn’t it like centuries old. So medieval of the Council to keep an old system,” She suggests, nodding to her own thought.

Jimin couldn’t help but chuckle, “It’s not centuries old, Soo, each time a new President is elected he/she changes the system, since our latest president was elected only a few years ago the system isn’t even half a decade old.”

“So she’s into the whole medieval, humans are lower than vampires thing?” Sooyoung huffs. With the mention of you, the president Jimin blinks briskly.

“Uhm, not defending her but... anyone could be a blood bag. Jungkook is a half blood,” He didn’t want Sooyoung to think he actually cared about anyone apart of the council because she hated them.

Sooyoung sighed, “I guess.”

“Though, I heard that those deals that she makes with everyone are like extreme, because people tend to ask for a lot. Sometimes murder, though I’m sure she doesn’t let that pass but she tends to make sure people don’t get what they want,” She said.

“I’m sure it’s because they want blood bags,” She ended. Concluding by herself.

It was true, they needed the circulation of blood to keep everyone in check. 

“People get paid for blood though, blood donations. Because every vamp pays for them. People get paid for blood and others pay for it,” Jimin said.

Sooyoung nods in agreement, “That’s true, but I heard it’s way better from the vein, that’s why students sometimes offer their body for certain agreeable deals.”

Jimin thought about this deeply. Of course blood was better from the vein, it’s fresh and warm. He felt gross thinking about this but then again it was fascinating just because he wasn’t one of them.

“Anyways enough of this, you know how I was doing that homework well-” Sooyoung’s voice drowned into the background as Jimin’s eyes met with a figure coming into the distance. They came closer, closer to his table.

A hand slammed onto their table as their drinks fell, Sooyoung lets out a shriek at the surprise and Jimin placed his hands on his lap.

“Well, well, Park Jimin,” Vice President, Kim Taehyung nods at Jimin, who gave a little nod back, Taehyung’s eyes met with Sooyoung, “And pretty Miss Park Sooyoung.”

Taehyung slid into the chair next to her and placed his arm over her shoulder, she flinches at this. Kim Taehyung, notorious playboy and your local asshole. His mean attitude and rudeness passed due to his seemingly great connection to the president which is why Jimin secretly hated him. All due to jealousy. 

“You look great, you could eat in the dining hall you know, instead of eating whatever this is,” Taehyung nods at their food tray, “I’d let you bring your lapdog too.”

Which Jimin knew was directed towards him.

Sooyoung pushed Taehyung’s arm off of her, “Gosh, like I’d ever eat in their with you people and Jimin is my best friend- uh all you people do is look down on others-”

“I don’t look down on you, though I wouldn’t mind going down on you,” Taehyung whispered lustfully and groaned at his own imagination. 

Disgusting was all Jimin could think, not the action but merely how Taehyung was saying this to someone who didn’t like him and didn’t want him.

“God! You’re disgusting just go away,” She tried to shove him before he gripped her arm tightly.

He pulled her face closely to his, “Look here, I get what I want, and don’t be rude to me- you’ll find that opposing me will only get you into a very very bad place in this school.”

He literally growled at her. Taehyung was a pureblood vampire, which meant he was extremely powerful in every single way. Jimin wanted to stick up for his friend but he can’t.

“I-” Sooyoung whimpered trying to say something back. Though her lack of words and tone was all that was needed for someone else to step in.

“Tae, get off her, we don’t have time for this,” the sultry voice that lived in Jimin’s wildest dreams broke the tension in the air.

It was you, you stood in your perfectly tailored uniform, that looked different to everyone else’s. Student council members had their own style. Your blazer stuck onto your upper half so tightly with double buttons. Your flat cross tie framing the top of your quite large breasts.

Jimin couldn’t help but stare at your perfectly braided hair and sharp features.

Taehyung coughed and quickly got up and stood next to her. He was whispering things in your ear. Taehyung’s eyes met Jimin’s very lustful eyes. 

As you heard the things Taehyung wanted you to hear you merely nodded. You did see what happened and Tae was going to get it. He can’t make your school look like trash.

Before you could take Tae away he spoke again, “Look at little blondey, got a crush on our President?” He teased, laughing mockingly.

You looked straight at Jimin to see him flush a bright red and his hand picking at eachother. A sign of nerves. You kept a smile in as you let out a soft huff.

“Whatever, Tae-”

“Come on, Jimin-ah. Our gorgeous President is right here in front of you. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity to get some, though would she―”

“Kim Taehyung, do not cut me off, now get back to our office before I remove you,” You said, calmingly. As fearfully calm as anyone else could hear.

Taehyung immediately shuts up and with wide eyes walked away, a few members of the council following him as they always do. Taehyung knew not to test your limits as using his full name meant this was the last draw.

“Park Jimin, was it. I’m sorry about him-he’s just you know him,” You straighten your back.

Jimin stuttered looking at you blankly as if he wasn’t believing what was happening, “Uhm- it’s okay―”

“No, it wasn’t, thank you,” Sooyoung cuts him off and thanks you. You felt a little annoyed that she cuts Jimin off but here you get to see that you were definitely not the dominate one in this friendship.

You merely nod and take your leave, as the rest of the council follow you back to deal with Taehyung.

Computer Science was not Jimin’s thing but he took it because he was required to. The only thing he could focus on was your interaction with him which never left his mind. Your face, your body and scent. Better than he ever imagined, he didn’t want to come off as a stalker or creep but you were just... incredible to him. Trying to calm himself off by thinking of light fairy thoughts instead of you.

A beep breaks his trail of thought.

Sooyoung: u okay? u ran off

Jimin recalled what happened, right after you left he felt as if he was going to throw up.

Jimin: yea just felt sick

Sooyoung: oh thats okay

Sooyoung: was it the president

Sooyoung: was it what tae said u know about her

Jimin didn’t know what to reply with, his fingers were shaking and he could feel himself getting red. Sooyoung was in a different class right now and he sat alongside some hardworking students, he’s glad no one could see his face right now.

Sooyoung: so its true?

Sooyoung: jimin

Sooyoung: just tell me 

Sooyoung: do you actually like her???

Jimin had many thoughts running through his head as he ran through some possible scenarios depending on his response. Though he felt adventurous and very rebellious now. He did what he thought he could never do.

Jimin: I’m sorry.

c. 2018

[mitchkiper]

The Friendzone Fenoms: And How Mitch Kiper Learned to Admit a Mistake

The following article was written weeks ago, in a semi-delirious state. Mitch Kiper has since recovered, and after a long journey of self-reflection, decided to edit this to the best of his ability and publish “as is.”:

Greetings from Midway airport in Chicago, where Mitch Kiper has been upset at an astronomical level by the removal of Potbelly’s, which has been replaced by a shop called “Home Run Pizza,” a White Sox themed bar that doesn’t even serve Giordano’s or Gino’s or anything not resembling cardboard covered in candle wax. For those who are interested, Mitch Kiper had a sad hot dog. Chicago Midway is officially the worst airport in the Greater Chicago Area.

Speaking of things that were at one point officially the worst, welcome to the preseason analysis for everyone’s favorite Friendzone Fenoms!

2017 – High Scoring, but Keeping Things Friendly

The Fenoms had one of the more interesting seasons last year, scoring 4th overall in total points, but placing 9th overall in the standings. For those who are paying attention (mainly Thatcher, Will and Ben, because Mitch Kiper doesn’t trust that anyone else actually reads this), the Fenoms scored enough where on points alone they should be in the winners bracket, but ended up in the toilet bowl instead. Even though the Fenoms scored enough to be a title contender, they kept things friendly and decided “Nah, let other people have the glory. We’ll just chill and discuss our dreams on the beach.” 

How did this happen? Or, as Will once said in a shitty student film, “What’s the dealio, Emilio?” Well let’s take a look.

Our First Clue: Expected Scores vs. Actual

What you’re looking at above is a comparison of Actual Standings to the Expected Points for a team in that slot. (This was calculated by finding the difference between the highest and lowest weekly averages in the league, and dividing into 12 equally distributed “Expected Weekly Scores”)

Right away, you can see that the biggest overall disparities belonged to the Yeshivas, who seemingly overperformed their weekly average. A 2nd place team, according to Mitch Kiper’s Expected Weekly Score™, should score in the range of 110.48 per week. YESH scored 99.01 per week.

We see the opposite picture when we look at the Fenoms. A 9th place team should be around the 90 point mark, if life were fair and Chicago Midway still had Potbelly’s. But they don’t, and the Fenoms had to fight their way out of a toilet while the likes of Gakusei Kai managed to play in the Midwest Living Bowl.

Yet as we all know, Total Points aren’t the whole story. And as we all remember from the most important of tests—the eye test—the Fenoms were not as strong a team as their total points indicated, mainly due to their reliance on the…

Apologies, Mitch Kiper’s resident artist thought I said to make a logo on Adobe Pumpkinshop. Who the hell hears it as Pumpkinshop?

When the Cheefs went off, so did the Fenoms. When they didn’t, the Fenoms tanked. The questions for us are: 1). can we demonstrate this through stats, and 2). Do our Mitch Kiper Roster Ratings™® have any metrics that could better predict the standings, even more than total points or points projections? Answers: Yes, and Maybe! (See what I did there? It’s called dangling a hook to keep you reading.)

Weekly Deviation: Demonstrating Jordan’s Wild Swings

Not to be confused with his wild swinging; that crazy guy.

I want to put this up top: part of this is an exercise to show objectively the limits of grading a team by Total Points. Obviously, points are important—they are how you win. But the strength of a team should and cannot be measured by Total Points alone. If they could, Neil would be winning a lot more (Sorry Neil.)

To hammer the point home with a simple example, look at the following two hypothetical teams after a hypothetical Week 3.

Team A: Averages 89 points per week.

Team B: Averages 100 points per week

Right away, you’d assume Team B was better. But then we look closer…

Team A: Scored 66, 100, 100 in the first three weeks. (+/- 34 max score v. min)

Team B: Scored 150, 75, 75 in the first three weeks.  (+/-75 max score v. min)

Total points, and the weekly averages that we derive from them, are not the whole picture. They are a piece of the puzzle. Another important piece is weekly deviation (hat tip to the one and only FLEAFLICKER for calculating this over the years in my other league, and inspiring me to try it out in Dynosteve).

So how do the Fenoms Fare when it comes to deviation? Here’s how they stack up against the rest of Dynosteve 2017:

 Well shit. As we can see from the chart above, a low standard deviation is in fact NOT a pre-cursor to success, nor for failure. The results are pretty widespread. There’s really no correlation at all between raw standard deviation and the success of a team. Some successful teams have wild swings, and vice versa. All this really teaches us is that while we thought the Fenoms were a boom-or-bust team, they had one of the lowest deviation rates in the league. Go figure.

So what’s the story here?

Based on weeks 10 and 11, it looks like a simple diagnosis of “They got fucked,” something Fenoms owner Dr. Rees is used to saying, although usually it involves an inanimate object of some kind, usually in tandem with an anus and an X-ray. He’s got a weird job.

2018 Outlook: Are the Fenoms for Real, or was Last Year a Fenomenal Fluke?

Considering I couldn’t even explain why the Fenoms did so poorly last year other than blind bad luck, there’s very little I can do to predict the Fenom’s 2018 performance.  Yet even though my deviation theory was debunked (something that happens to Mitch Kiper from time to time), I’m Mitch Kiper, so I’m going to plow ahead with a prediction anyway, with all the unearned confidence of my namesake.

This is my prediction for the league standings, based on a complicated predictive score that mixes Projected PPW with 3 Year Average PPW, and the %ile ranks of each team’s starters and bench. Don’t ask how or why I think this will work. I’m not sure it will, but I’m going to blindly stick to my guns, and use it to figure out where I think the Fenoms will land.

What’s actually interesting is that the Fenoms potentially have the best starters in the entire league (highest %ile rank of Dynosteve), yet a middling bench (7th). Yet even with the highest percentile rank of starters, his composite points prediction is low. This would imply that his top-tier players are in low scoring positions.

On a related note, the Juneboshers have a weirdly low %ile for their starters, yet a very high composite PPW prediction. So how is it that the Fenoms have the highest average starter %ile, yet a low PPW prediction, and the Juneboshers have a lower starter %ile than half the league, but are predicted to score more points than all but Goose?

… Because Mitch Kiper has a flaw in his system©.

No, it’s not lactose—well, not at the moment. It’s that he’s ranking all positions equally when it comes to %ile rank, i.e., top tier %ile TEs are given equal weight to top tier %ile RBs and WRs. To be fair, this is part of his thesis: a 2 point differential in a TE battle is just as important as a 2 point differential. What is not being accounted for at the moment, however, is the massive disparity that can pop up in the RB and WR categories. The difference between a 95th percentile RB and an 80th percentile RB is much more pronounced than the difference between a 95th and 80th percentile TE. Case in point:

This is a flaw Mitch Kiper will have to adjust, so he can better assess team strength and his future predictions. For now, though, we’ll work with the numbers we’ve got. And those numbers say… *sigh, I hate typing these words*… the Fenoms aren’t half bad, and will likely land in the middle of the pack.

… With one caveat!

The Fenom’s lack of bench strength seems to imply that a single injury will derail them. Aka, if Tyreek Hill or Kareem Hunt goes down, so do the phenoms.  ZIMBAB or YESH do not have this problem, because they back up their great starters with phenomenal benches. Also worth noting: Neil. Poor guy really never gets a break.

So that’s it for this long awaited section of Mitch Kiper. Tune in next week. Hopefully he’ll get his act together and write a new article quickly. The Longships await.

[dorothydelgadillo]

3 Easy Ways to Optimize Your Website Without a Developer

Website optimization whether it be for conversion, traffic, or anything else is something everyone knows (well, hopefully, knows) they should be doing.

Unfortunately, it usually gets back-burnered for new content, pages, and other initiatives.

Why does that happen?

Well, typically optimization is viewed as difficult and time-consuming. Plus, you need a developer to make edits to your site for testing, right?

Wrong.

Optimizing your website doesn’t need to be difficult or super technical. It can actually be pretty fun, or maybe that’s the geek in me talking. ;)

Here are three ways you can make it easier even without a coder by your side.

Note: I’ll be sharing more on website optimization at IMPACT Live in just 2 weeks! Get your ticket to join us here!

1. Gather Data on Your Website

Before jumping into what experiments you should run, what you want to test, and what results you’re hoping to get, there’s something very important you should do.

Get real data on how it’s already doing.

Having an actual site and user data to refer to, set benchmarks with, and compare your results to is key.

After all, without it, how can you know your optimization was a success?

You can’t.

You’ll want to have roughly 5,000 visits per month to actually draw conclusions from. If you don’t quite have that yet, bookmark this article and focus on traffic building first.

If you have this, let’s talk about gathering data from it.

There are tons of tools out there that you can utilize to gather the real user data. Here’s a peek into my data gathering “starter kit” if you will. ;)

Site Analytics

The first place to start, which isn’t (well, I hope isn’t) a shocker for anyone is Google Analytics and Google Search Console.

These tools give the visit trends and user insight foundation to help guide your experiments, and ultimately understand where you should be testing.

With Google Analytics, you’ll be able to discern what pages get the most traffic, which is typically where you want to begin optimization experiments, as well as other great pieces of information such as browser and device usage, time on page, bounce rate, and more!

Google Search Console, on the other hand, will let you peek behind the curtain of the search engine.

Put simply, it lets you manage and maintain your presence in the Search Engine Results Page (SERPs) by submitting updates to your sitemap and viewing which pages are actually being indexed and crawled.

Heat-mapping Tools

Traffic aside, you should also learn how users interact with your website, content, and calls-to-action.

Tools like Lucky Orange or Hotjar are phenomenal for this.

Using heat maps and scroll maps can shed light on areas of your website that users either don’t find value in, don’t even see, or actually get confused by.

You can even record user sessions so you’ll be able to pinpoint any roadblocks they encounter during their session.

Reviewing your heatmaps can pinpoint areas of your website or page that are important, but users never see, or that they gloss over.

That information can help you identify experiments to run regarding your button placement, hierarchy, or other elements to determine what creates a better user journey and experience. On-site Search Analytics

A pool of user information that’s usually overlooked is your on-site search. Sure, looking at the SERPs and how users are finding you is extremely important, but what are they searching for once they’re on your website?

That’s where tools such as Cludo, SearchIQ, and others come into play.

They allow you to look into your on-site search analytics to see what search terms your users are using once they’re actually on your website.

With them, you’ll be able to see what terms users are actually searching and the pages they’re clicking on so you can generate more tailored messaging and content to solve for what they’re not seeing on your site.

If users are searching for it and it’s not immediately accessible for them - that’s a big user journey issue!

2. Start Small

It’s easy to want to make big changes to your website in hopes of seeing huge spikes in results - but that can ultimately lead to missed opportunities, testing too many things, and usually require a developer. .

My advice is to start small with your optimization efforts.

Focus on high impact website pages, the 20% of your website that delivers 80% of the value.

These are typically the homepage, pricing page, and highest traffic product page, and rather than tackling huge iterations, try small tweaks. Changes in these three areas are some of the easiest and most effective changes you can make:

Messaging

The content of your page is one of the easiest things for a marketer to test and get great results with. Oh, and usually without a developer’s help

Your homepage value proposition is a strong place to start. Take your current messaging and experiment with adding statistics to show the value you can provide the user, or try explaining what you do a bit more clearly.

The messaging here should pass the 5-second test: the user should know what you do, whom you do it for, and the value you're provide in 5 seconds or less.

You can also experiment with other high-impact pages like your product page messaging.

Look at things such as how you explain the value of the different features - Does shortening it improve the scroll density on the page? What about the click-through rate on the calls-to-action (CTA)?

There are plenty of places on your site that you can find messaging to test and improve on.

Need some help with messaging? We’ve got a messaging workshop that will get your content perfectly aligned with your personas. ;)

Call-to-action (CTA) Colors

An often overlooked place to test is your CTAs. Experimenting with the color of your CTA can result in an immediate boost in click-throughs.

Optinmonster wrote an awesome call-to-action color theory article that digs into the psychology of color, and what colors typically convert best

Understanding how your specific users react to certain colors can be tremendously helpful in guiding them on their journey. It’s a great idea to create a CTA color hierarchy, where you have a specific color tier to each part of the funnel.

If it’s a top of the funnel, learn more type button, choose a more subtle color. Is it a bottom of the funnel, get started CTA? You might want to stick to greens, oranges, and reds.

ConversionXL digs even further into the CTA color debate and shows that over four different experiments, red usually does help boost conversions, but Peep Laja, Founder of ConversionXL, brings up a very, very good point.

That’s not the end-all be-all for CTA color.

Sure you may see an immediate jump in conversions by using a certain color. That’s a great start, but you need to really know what’s driving those clicks because you ultimately want quality conversions based on relevancy and fit.

Not gut-check clicks based on the button color.

Form Length

The third easy area for experimentation that can boost your conversion metrics, is form length.

This is especially helpful on your consultation request forms or another bottom of the funnel conversion points. These are typically the larger forms found on a website because we want ALL of the information, but do you really need it? Probably not.

If you’ve set other conversion points up to help you, it’s likely you’ve already collected a good chunk of information about the user, so, you can strip away a good amount of fields and leave only the important stuff.

If your form has more than five fields, and some are big questions, you’re likely losing some users. More often than not, some of those questions are things that you can get from the user after they’ve converted if they’re really a fit.

Shrink those larger forms to 4-5 fields at most, and you’ll likely see a nice conversion percent spike.

3. Use The Right Tool

You’ve done your prep, gathered data, and planned out what you want to test, so let’s get to it.

There are a plethora of choices when it comes to testing software with a range of prices. I’m partial to VWO, Unbounce, or HubSpot’s inherent A/B testing because they’re relatively easy to dive into without a developer (though it doesn’t hurt to have one)

When starting your test, it’s critical to set up controls (a variation that hasn’t been changed) that you can compare to at the end.

You’ll also want to make sure you’re not testing too many things at once. That will muddy your resulting data and make the analysis more difficult.

It’s a good idea to try and test one major change at a time, but you can also get some interesting data from testing larger changes all at once.

Whatever you do, ultimately, you’ll want to gather enough data from the experiment to see user trends and make decisions based off when you can review and analyze everything.

It’s a good idea to let your experiment run a minimum of 2 weeks, assuming you have a good amount of traffic as I previously mentioned.

If you get ~5,000 visits in 2 weeks awesome, take an early sample and begin the analysis, then see if it changes after a full month. But, if getting 5,000 visits takes a month, hold off and view it all at once.

If you can, get direct user feedback!

While the tools I mentioned can definitely give you great insight into aggregate user behavior, how they interact with your experiments, and show you solid data, it’s always a great idea to get as much direct user feedback as possible.

First-hand feedback on your designs, layouts, and user flows can shed some interesting light on areas you’d likely overlook.

It’s not as easy as you’d think to fully get into your user’s head and see things from their point of view, so what better way to do that than ask them directly!

Most companies have a few clients that have a special place in their hearts, and that’s where you can get your first round of direct user feedback.

If you have a great relationship simply ask the client for an hour of their time - if not, it usually helps to offer a small gift card for their opinions and insight.

This real-world data can help finalize your results from the experiments you ran, and clear up any final concerns you have about what you saw in your A/B tests.

You’ve heard it before, but it really is better to measure twice and cut once - and this is the way you can do that on your website :)

Test it Out!

Testing doesn’t have to be hard, as long as you keep it simple and focused. By experimenting with messaging, placement and your calls-to-action, you can make significant discoveries that may take your website to the next level.

So, get out there and start testing!

If you’re hungry for more website optimization insights, make sure to come to IMPACT Live. Christine Austin and I will be presenting a website throwdown case study detailing the good, the bad and the in-between of an optimization.

I’ll see you there!

from Web Developers World https://www.impactbnd.com/blog/optimize-your-website-without-a-developer