#if anyone knows how to implement this let me know lol

[bluestonewings]

My dream DND character is this huge stoic paladin in full armour with the whole sword and shield and silent devotion. He clunks around and doesn’t talk and keeps to himself. Super high strength, not so great in the rest. He spends time praying in silence.

Anyways if you ever get to crack the helmet open and look inside you’ll find a few hundred rats in there. Just puppeting this suit of armor around as a good goof. It’s a nice house and good exercise and you get free food out of it sometimes

[cherry-hulu]

— Better than me?

Synopsis: You were a smart girl, always praised for your wit and speed. But why is it that you go dumb and speechless whenever you're with him?

Warnings: CEO!KMG x CEO!Reader, enemies to ???, fubus undercover as rivals, cheating, slight voyeurism, jealous mingyu, he has no rights though lol, throat-fucking, face-fucking, dirty talk, mg is very vocal, belly bulge, throat bulge, oral (f & m receiving)

Mingyu would consider himself to be a pretty level headed person. Having been raised to become a bussiness man, patience was once of the key things that was taught to him— after all, good things come to those who wait. He'd implement this lesson pretty well for most of his 27 years of living, and so it is. Until you.

He doesn't know why but his patience runs on thin ice with you. Not that you were oblivious to it, you were practically skating on it doing flips and twirls whenever you want to shaving the ice as thin as possible. You were his enemy after all, it was your job to do so.

The spot for number will never be empty for as long as Mingyu lives, he swears on it. But he wasn't the only one who did so apparently. Both you and Mingyu were rivals for as long as possible, always competing with each other for as long as you've known each others name. From small quarrels, to board games, to sports, to school rankings, to games, and to now— company rankings.

An inevitable tension grew between the two of you, a new layer added to it's thickness every passing day. Everybody knew of it, both of you knew of it. Never has there been an interaction between the two of you that didn't made his nerves be at it's heights and your heart beat at it's quickest.

No eye contact was shared with each other without a special look that the two of you only have for one another. No skinship was shared with each other without the tight vice of his grip on you, so tight that if you weren't enemies you'd assume that he didn't wanted to let go of you. No words were shared between the two of you without a voice of taunt used to deliver it.

You hated each other. So fucking much. Mingyu had never hated anyone or anything in his life more than you. Everything related to you had him seething in anger and frustration. Your name, your face, your body, everything. Mingyu thought you've reached his limit of anger when you surpassed him once during your high school days, but it proves to be false as he watches you sit and be and lovely dovey with your so called boyfriend.

He had a crystal clear blue of the both of you from the balcony of the palace of which the event was held at. He should be happy, everything was for him after all. The party was thrown in celebration of a big deal sealed by him for his company. A partnership of which many would only dream of to achieve. He should be celebrating, sipping champagne and basking himself in the compliments of praises, but all was neglected the very second he saw you with your very own newly formed partnership.

Mental sirens were blaring in his mind as he watches the guys hand roam all over you. From your hands, to your hips, to your waist. His jaw was tense as he tsked before gulping down his drink. The hatred between the two of you stemmed from anger, but it always bloomed due to lust. The eve so calm and controlled Kim Mingyu now gone, all because of you. It's always been has only beenyou that has made him lose himself.

In almost of a blink of an eye, he was gone from the balcony and was stepping foot down to the dance floor, straight next to you. "How have you been enjoying yourself?" Mingyu asks standing tall beside you, both his hands in the pocket of his suit. Your eyes widen at his sudden presence, shifting a little as you try your best to maintain eye contact with him. You knew. Of course you do.

"We've been well. Thank you Mingyu, for asking." You say with a tight voice. Your face appeared as blank to others but it was a look that Mingyu knew all too well. It was your way of warning him.

He raised his eyebrows when he notices the hand of your boyfriend creep up around your waist. The very waist he was licking kissing, and bruising not even a week ago. He was more than sure that his handprints were still evident across your body. Especially the ones he'd repeatedly imprint on your ass. It relieves him in some way, he was sure that there was no way were you gonna have sex with your so called boyfriend with the ebidents of him all over your body.

A small but clearly cocky smirk appears on his face before he conceals it with a smile. With a blank face and muted mouth, you stare directly into his eyes using it as your way of communication. He does nothing but lean his head sideward, eyes staring right back at you.

To the eye of the public, this was seen as an interaction induced by your competition. To the eye of the public, you were sworn enemies, not wanting to be an inch nearer to each other than you were now, pushing each others button. What they didn't knew was behind the walls of Mingyu's very own penthouse— there was less than inch of space between the two of you, hands all over each others body, skin to skin, frantically undoing each others buttons.

He scans your body, head to toe, before giving a quick glance at the man beside you. "I'll see you around then." He says while looking eye to eye with the man. The depths of his words go far beyond the surface with a deep history that would shake the media. And no, it wasn't for your boyfriend despite having Mingyu having his eyes on him.

Giving both of you a tight lipped smile and a toast with his champagne glass, Mingyu turns around to leave taking a turn to a place far away from the crowd. You knew what this meant, this has happened so many tines before. Mingyu baiting you into coming with him, and it worked like a charm every damn time.

You followed his route, seizing the opportunity of your boyfriend being occupied in a conversation with someone else. Entering the corridor, you notice a door slightly ajar with a dim light inside. Assuming it was him, you opened the room and saw no one. Confused, you still continue to enter.

All the curtains were tied neatly to either side of the windows leaving the light to enter the room. A chandelier was attached to the ceiling but it only emitted very little. There was a sofa on either side of the room and a fireplace in the middle attached to the wall.

As you walk forward, you hear the door close behind you but noticed no click indicating that it wasn't locked. You turn around and was faced with none other than Mingyu. His perfume englufs the room as he takes steps towards you. "M- Mingyu.. " You stutter with a quivering voice, eyes wide as you take your own steps, but backwards until you fell backwards on the sofa.

Mingyu looks down at you holding your chin with his left hand while caressing your cheeks as he forces you to look up at him. "Tell me.. how did you two meet?" He asks tauntingly, keeping eye contact with you, holding your face in place thus forcing you to do the same.

His voice was stern yet soft. It was hard enough to be demanding, but soft enough for it to not feel threatening. Slowly, you recount the story of how you met your boyfriend.

"I met him through a friend, Ally introduced me to him, immediately he made a move on me–" Mingyu's hand wrap around your neck. "Go on.." He says with a blank face, voice still same as it was. You hesitated, but still went on not wanting to get him irritated with you.

"And I reciprocated.. he was funny and I thought why not give him a chance. I trust Ally and she wouldn't be friends with bad people. After that he asked for my number an–" Mingyu slips his thumb on your mouth leaving it open on that tone.

"You meet a guy once and you give him his number. Out of all the people in the world, you choose someone barely taller than you, a figure worse than your uncles, and a position not on par with yours." He spits out as he flattens his thumb on your tongue forcing it open.

You gulp unconsciously, eyes doe and wide at him with your hands now resting on his hips. Mingyu hathers his saliva before spits directly in your mouth— and just like clockwork— you swallow immediately before he suddenly kisses you. It was hard, messy, and sloppy.

He had his hand gripping your neck with his thumb resting on your throat, slowly obstructing your airway as he chokes you while his free hand was undoing his pants open before pulling away to leave you panting and breathless. His boxers now coming to face you with his dick standings so tall it's peeking above the cloth.

"To say that I'm disappointed would be an under statement." Mingyu mutters, fully taking his rock hard dick out and using it to slap your cheeks twice. The sound echoes the room and you whimper at him.

You didn't knew why you weren't lashing out on him, why you weren't disobeying and saying no. Your words hold weight above him, a single 'no' is all it takes for you to leave. And yet you don't. You sit still and take it all.

Aiming to open your mouth to speak, a gasp was all that's let out before he rests his cock on your tongue. It was heavy, you can feel it weighing your mouth down. Mingyu smirks as he taps his cock on your tongue, slowly and lightly thrusting forward as he slides it down yout throat.

He slides his right hand to your head holding it in place while his left rests around your throat before he begins to pick up his pace beginning to fuck your mouth. You feel the tip of his dick slide in and out of your throat creating a bulge that Mingyu was feeling with his hands, harshly rubbing on it everytime it bumps.

"What a beautiful throat wasted on the wrong man. Should've called him with you, he's missing out on a show." Mingyu utters with deep groans in between chuckling when he looks down to see your eyes slowly widen. "Dick so good you forget about everything hm? Thought you were a smart woman, where's that brain of yours now?" He follows.

Your eyes become glassy as you start to hold on to his hips in hopes of a slower pace. Mingyu halts his movements lodging his dick down your throat so deep that it creates a bulge. Moving his hands from your body, he removes his necktie before grabbing your wrist and placing them behind you tightly putting it in a tie together.

"Let's put that good memory of yours to use. 'M gonna make sure you and your body never forgets me. Gonna imprint my dick inside you, rearrange your guts and organs in a way that no other dick can feel good inside because it's perfectly molded for me." Mingyu promises, sliding out your mouth.

You were a sight to see. Mouth wide open with a mix of saliva and pre-cum dripping out, chest heaving up and down, a dazed look on your face, tears ruining your makeup, and your hands tied behind your back.

The thought of anyone but Mingyu seeing you in this state sends fury to his veins making them pop. Only he can make you like this, only he has the right. The only man that has ever and the only man that ever will. He swears on that.

"Where did this dress come from? Did he gave this to you? Chose it for you? Bought it for you?" Mingyu questions you, making you look up at him with his index finger on your chin, an eye brow raised. Slowly, you begin to nod at him. Your boyfriend did all three. The dress came from him.

You didn't need to tell Mingyu that because the second he saw an upward movement of your head, the dress was ripped off your body, thrown somewhere in the room. The sight that befalls before him angers him more. You were wearing a red lingerie. Mingyu's favourite color.

Immediately laying you down on your back, he bends down to leave hickeys all over your body. Especially on the areas you always warned him not to. And as per usual, you do nothing but sit there and take it. Mingyu was too good, it was dangerous.

Tearing down your panties with his teeth and ripping it halfway of removing it, he dives in immediately salvitating your dripping pussy. You were so wet it was unfathomable. Mingyu was practically slurping down on your juices as you withered and shaked below him. His hands grip the circumference of your waist holding you down while he licks and flicks your cunt.

"Min- gyu.. Mingy... Mingyu... Mingyu... plea... please.. sir... daddy... please.." You beg, body rolling on his mouth. "Please what baby?" Mingyu replies looking up at you, mouth still attatched on your cunt. "H.. hands.." You whimper, eyes rolling to the back of your head as he intensifies his movements. All it took was just one single slip of his finger inside you to get you squirting on him.

"Fuck yeah baby, let it out, all for me. Only for me." Mingyu moans rapidly flicking his finger inside you making you bend your body like crazy and moaning so loudly. He takes his finger out but rubs his thumb on your bud still stimulating you.

With your legs propped up against his chest, your ankles near his neck, he slides his dick inside your pussy, moaning out immediately as he feels you suck him in. "Perfect fucking fit." He moans before rapidly thrusting inside of you.

With your hands tied behind yout back, all you could do was to bend your body up and down while he fucks you like crazy. The combination of Mingyu's thumb flicking your clit while hitting your G-spot at every thrust was making you shake like crazy, producing sounds only heard on certain websites.

Mingyu rests hands on your belly bulge formed by his cock quickly disappearing and reappearing before leaning down to kiss and bite all over your body, as if his mess earlier wasn't enough.

He leans near your ear, hips and hands still at the same quick pace as he whispers: "Tell me... has he ever made you feel this good? Hm? Made you make these sounds? Make you go this insane?" He pauses, slowing down his movements and straightening his posture.

You gasp, eyes widening as you whimper at him. "Answer me." He commands. You quickly shake your head no, doing your best to maintain eye contact with him without rolling your eyes back as you feel the tip of his dick put pressure on your g-spot.

"That's right. No one ever will. Wanna know why? Hm? Darling?" Mingyu hums, languidly thrusting forward as he leans on you again. His hands now gripping the back of the sofa, biceps flexing with defined veins. "Because nobody is better than me." He says, thrusting after every word. "I'm the best you'll ever have." He whispers in your face before rapidly starting to thrust again.

It only took a thrust and a half for you to start squirting and shaking harder than before. Mingyu was relentless as he continued his hip movements taking advantage of your wetness. Deciding to have some mercy, he pulls on his tie releasing your hands from it's vice into which you reacted to by frantically holding onto his wrist as you orgasmed.

You knew your was still long as you've come to realize that he hasn't even cummed yet. Mingyu wraps your legs around his torso as he picks you up. He stands in the middle of the room, in front of the mirror above the fireplace before turning you around so you'd come face to face with your own reflection.

You looked like a mess, as you always were every after meet up with him. He rapidly began thrusting in you again, holding your legs apart, watching his dick disappear into your cunt with the only sign of it's presence inside you is the bulge in his stomach and your never ending moans.

"Who's making you feel this good?" He whispers in yout eye keeping his stare on your reflection. "Mingyu.. " You moan out throwing your head back on his shoulders while grinding your hips as he thrusts harshly on your g-spot. "Only Mingyu," You whisper in his ear in between your helpless moans.

Mingyu starts to walk again, this time towards the window at the other side of the fireplace. He puts you on your feet making sure to support your hody to keep you from falling before beginning to move his hips again. And if you thought he couldn't reach any deeper, you were proven so damn wrong when you feel the tip of his dick slowly protrude your cervix.

"Gonna get in there and cum baby. Gonna mark you mine. Only mind. You'd look so good filled with me." He groans in your ear, gripping your wrist as you cling onto the window. "All it takes is one look up for the people to see how much of a whore you are for me. It'd be a perk if your little boy toy saw you look this, it's a sight he nor anyone but me will never ever be able to replicate." He follows thrusts now harder snd deeper than before.

Your ass jiggles against his hips urging him to slap it, grip it, and mark it his before turning you around agian to face him. The consistency of his movements now long gone as he raises you up pressing you harshly against the window.

You've gone cockdumb, just like always, nothing but a fleshlight to him, bending you in ways he pleases. You don't know how, but everything about you seems to be turned upside down when you're with Mingyu. You're quick witted and cocky attitude long gone as you gets stuffed with his dick.

Only his dick. No one elses.

It doesn't take long for you to cum again, and for the first time this whole evening, Mingyu cums as well, immediately after you. Resting your forehead against each other, you engage in a sloopy yet soft kiss as you calm down from your highs.

The moonlight shine reflects on his sweaty skin as he pulls away, chest heaving as he stares down at you. With the two of you still connected to each other, he sits on the sofa, legs spread wide making you straddle him. You lean on Mingyu's chest resting your cheeks on his abs taking this moment to rest.

You were far from done. You both knew that, this was only prep for what's about to become. Mingyu reaches for his phone on the floor and as he does he looks over to your own phone that starts to ring. The caller ID showed the word 'Boyfriend' on it.

Mingyu takes yours instead and without any second thoughts, he pressed the big green button to answer it's call. With you still sitting on his lap, he presses your phone against your ear holding an intense eye contact with you.

You gasp in shock as you hear your boyfriends voice on the phone, but this was prolonged by Mingyu as he slowly starts to rub on your clit again with a dirty smirk on his face.

"Go on.. answer him." He jeers, voice low and husky. "H.. hEy," You say ovrer the phone, voice raspy due to all your screaming and moaning. "I've been doing all the talking so far, wouldn't it be unfair if I didn't gave you a chance?" He teases you with a playful grin on his face.

You were still extremely sensitive, it hadn't even been fifteen minutes sibce your first round. But Mingyu doesn't seem to care as he grabs your hips to roll you on his dick. You helplessly follow with a limp body, you had no energy to move.

Oh this was going to be a long, long night.

[sanjifucker42069]

Buzz Buzz - Sanji x Reader NSFW

Girl........I am down bad.

Word Count: 7,200 words!?!? Girl what the fuck.... This is self-indulgent af.

Sanji finds something of yours that you really would've preferred to keep private. But maybe it wasn't all bad?

Warnings; NSFW MDNI. cis!fem reader, sorry 'bout that, Both Sanji and reader are incredibly awkward, self-conscious, and like one-upping each other, plus size!reader, vibrators, no p in v soz lol. 100% this was written with pre-timeskip anime Sanji in mind, love that cringefail malewife energy. Surprisingly switches all round...also yes I know those with dicks have a refractory period...I just don't care lol

--------------

You had barely made it inside the women’s room when you caught the ship’s cook. He was crouched, holding something small and looking befuddled. What was that? Wait! No, how did he find that!?

"Sanji! Put that down!" You screamed, face on fire.

Sanji shot to his feet, looking terrified at the prospect of being caught, and yet, he still periodically eyed the implement in his hand, making no move to abandon it.

"What is it?" The question sounded innocent, but you knew the flirt was just trying to get a rise out of you. Unfortunately you're only human, and Sanji always seemed to bring out the worst of it.

"You know EXACTLY what that is!" You hissed, trying to lunge for it. Sanji side stepped you with ease. With fire in your eyes, you quickly captured his wrist, backing him against the wall. Sanji blinked at you blankly. His questioning look stopping you in your tracks. "You...you don't know what that is, do you?"

You wanted to faint when Sanji shook his head. What the hell did he mean? You were sure if any of the men on board knew what that was, it would be the perverted cook. With a blush you stared him down.

"It's a massager."

"Oh my dear, you should come to me, I'd gladly rub your stress away."

You honest to gods squealed at that. Recovering, you caged the man in between you and the wall, fist resting next to his head. Your eyes burning as you sized him up. "Are you fucking with me Black Leg?"

"No, I would gladly give you a massage! My hands may be for cooking, but for you my dear, I'll make an exception. Maybe I could use it some time?"

If your face got any redder you would faint. Spitting out a growl, you regarded the man with a sneer. How dare that asshole make fun of you? "You fucking pervert."

Sanji jumped, clearly offended. "How?! I was only offering a shoulder massage. I don't have any ulterior motives, chef's honour."

"It's a personal massager, Sanji." You gritted out. The blonde stared down at you, confusion evident. Gods he was so stupid sometimes! A growl ripped from your throat. "It's a vibrator. A sex toy. I use it to cum."

The velvety soft bullet clattered to the ground. Darting your eyes up, you took in the frozen man. Sanji was growing redder at a rapid pace. He squeaked out something unintelligible. You watched the blush spread down his neck, blooming beautifully. Huh, he really didn't know what it was.

"Oh." He managed. "You...uh...a toy?"

"I have needs Sanji." You deadpanned, pulling away. You didn't miss how he sighed in relief at your retreating form. Man, fuck him! It's not like you left it out in the open for anyone to find it!

"And you...you use it?"

"Well duh...it's not for decoration." You crossed your arms over your chest, feeling uncomfortable at the way he looked at you incredulously. "Look now that we've got that explained, can you piss off and let me wallow in my embarrassment?"

Sanji didn't budge, still looking at you with that odd look on his face, like he didn't quite understand. It caused anger to burn brighter in your chest. You snatched the vibrator off the floor, causing Sanji's eyes to widen. With a huff you stomped to your bed, flopping face down onto it. 

"Miss (Name)?" Sanji asked quietly. You ignored him, trying to suffocate yourself with your pillow. This was humiliating. Why the hell did you have to like Sanji of all people? "Look, (Name), I was just surprised is all-"

You snapped at him from your hiding spot. "We don't all chase the first pretty thing we see to get relief Sanji! Some of us have to take care of our own business."

"Wh-what?" 

All you were doing was digging yourself a deeper hole, but you didn't care. "I saw how disgusted you looked. I didn't ask you to find it. You can go tell the crew how pathetic I am! Oh, (name) can't get anyone to look at her like that, how sad. Poor thing, having to rely on something like a toy. Hahaha! Never mind there's never any stupid privacy on this stupid ship. A-and I can have the urge too! So don't look at me like that! I haven't had sex since I got on this godforsaken ship, so excuse me for getting something to help."

You were purely catastrophising, clear that anxiety had gotten the best of you. Sanji would never be that cruel. You weren't sure when, but judging on how damp your pillow was, you had been crying for some time. Well that's embarrassing. Sanji was the last person you wanted to cry in front of.

The bed creaked from extra weight, causing you to wince. You tried desperately to make yourself smaller, to shy away from the man. Instead you felt his large hand pat the small of your back. You jumped in surprise, causing the hand to falter. It began rubbing small soothing circles, You sighed. 

"Why aren't you leaving? I asked you to piss off."

There was a pause. Then you heard Sanji speak. It was faint, unsure of what to do. 

"And leave a lady to cry alone? I don't think so." You scoffed. "If it makes you feel better-"

"Look I'm sorry for crying-"

"I think it's hot."

You stiffened. Sanji felt you go rigid beneath his touch. The silence grew suffocating, You whipped your head to meet his gaze, eyes wide.

"Fucking excuse me?"

Sanji looked embarrassed, ducking to avoid your questioning eyes. The hand on your back spasmed. "I didn't think it was pathetic...thought it was hot...And I don't think it's true that no one shows you interest-"

That drew a callous laugh from you. "Oh please. You and I both know I'm not drop dead gorgeous like Nami or Robin. You've seen the attention I get from men. You don't look like me and not see the way men avoid you like the plague."

The hand on your back tightened into a fist. grabbing the back of your top. You tried to twist to lie on your back but the hand held you in place. Sanji's voice was dark, an unspoken threat dangling in the air. "Excuse me?"

"C'mon Ji, it's cute you're trying to cheer me up but look at me! You think I'm the kinda girl that has men lining up out the door to fuck? I know how I look, it's why I got this back in Loguetown. Don't need to scare anyone off this way." You waggled the vibrator, laughing.

Sanji clearly did not like the way you were talking about yourself, if the way he quickly flipped you onto your back was any indication. You squealed in alarm, feeling the hard mattress dig into your back. He hovered over you, caging you under him, his legs on either side of your plush thighs. You gulped.

"Are you serious?" He snarled. You stared up at him, his eyes were burning with anger, lips drawn into a frown. You protested weakly.

"Sanji, c'mon man. I know its your whole philosophy that every woman is beautiful, and all that, but let's be real here-"

"Yeah?" He breathed out, daring you to continue. You raised an eyebrow at him.

"You don't have to act like I'm attractive Sanji. When we were in Alabasta you literally tried to cover me up with your jacket after I wore that stupid dancer costume."

The man above you blanched. "Oh (name), you thought I-"

"Was disgusted? Yeah? I don't blame you, it couldn't have been a pretty sight."

"Will you stop that!?" He growled. You froze.

"Wait, you're actually mad?"

Sanji scoffed. "Mad? I'm furious. Who the hell told you you aren't breathtaking?"

"Wh-what? I'm not! I don't need explicit words to see that people don't see me that way. Whenever we go out, it's always men fawning over Nami and Robin, and rightfully so, they're hot. If we need to distract someone? It's always Nami being sexy. You do it too. Nami shows a little skin? You're wagging your tongue like a stray dog. I show a bit of skin? You look like you're in physical pain. What about that day on the deck when we were sunbathing? Nami and Robin had hyped me up to try a bikini. I'd never worn one before. When you saw me in a swimsuit, you couldn't get out of there fast enough, like the mere sight of me hurt you. Haven't worn one since."

"I was in pain." Sanji spat. "I was fucking hard."

What?

You gasped. "What?"  

Sanji's face was a dark red, his ears burning, but he held your gaze, looking furious. If looks could kill you'd be nothing but ash under him. "I was fucking hard." He repeated. "I had no idea you were going to be there half-naked. Had to get out of there quick before anyone saw."

You opened your mouth to speak, but Sanji wasn't done.

"And in Alabasta? I tried covering you because I realised it was a mistake. That I wanted to be the only one to see you like that. And I wasn't lying when I said you having a vibrator was hot! I was in shock at the thought of you using it. I don't think it's pathetic. I think me having to fucking jack off in the bathroom because you bent over in front of me, or made those noises enjoying my food, or I watched you kick some guy's ass, is pathetic. Why can't you understand that you're sexy?"

Sanji took in you under him, chubby cheeks a bright red. Your eyes were wet with unshed tears. His eyes softened. "I'm sorry I ever made you think you weren't gorgeous."

"But..." You started, clearly flustered. "Nami and Robin?"

"Are beautiful, yes. But they aren't you."

"But...you really think I'm pretty?"

"Pretty? Darling I think you're so fucking hot you've made me cum in my pants like a boy more than once."

"Really?!" Your eyes were sparkling. That was a welcome change, Sanji mused. He would gladly embarrass himself tenfold, if it meant you'd see yourself how he saw you. 

"Yeah. Once was not long after we met. You wanted a sparring partner. I thought you were gonna go easy on me, and I wasn't gonna fight back. You were vicious. It was hot." He tried to shrug in his current position. "If you remember you got me in a headlock between your thighs."

"I thought you slunk away because you were upset I hurt you? You made that whimpering noise and looked in pain."

"I do not whimper!" He protested weakly. "I 'slunk away' because I came."

"Oh."

"So I can assure you, I'm a pervert for you too, especially you."

"I think of you when I masturbate!" You blurted out.

It happened quickly. Sanji's eyes grew wide, his breath hitched. You watched as his forearms shook. 

Then he lost his balance. 

You'd love to say he fell head first into your tits, moaning in pure bliss. But that only happens in romance books.

No. He headbutted you by accident, flopping directly on top of you like a dead fish. The two of you hissed in pain. Your head throbbed. Motherfucker. For a scrawny bastard he sure was heavy, clearly all muscle, you mused. All muscle, including the very firm one that was poking you in the hip.

"Are you fucking hard?" You hissed. Sanji propped himself up with one hand by your side, the other rubbing his forehead. 

"Of course I'm hard." He hissed back. "You just told me you masturbate to me. I'm assuming you're using that stupid toy."

"It's not stupid!" You defended. "It can pack quite a punch."

"You could have used me, darling?" He offered halfheartedly, masking his nerves with a fake smile.

You shot him a wry grin back. "Oh that was smooth. Unless you can magically vibrate-"

"I could do better."

"You could let me use it on you."  Hmph. Cheeky. Sanji felt faint at the implications. His cock twitched against you. You widen your eyes at him in interest. "Oh? Would you like to try it? 

"I'd rather try you, thank you."

You laughed honestly. Sanji felt the air knocked out of him when you caged him in with your legs, ankles crossing to dig in his back. He shuddered as you dragged him deeper against you, a dangerous look in your eyes. Sanji loved you, honestly. But sometimes he wanted nothing more than to make you feel as nervous as he did. Mustering all his charm he winked at you.

"So you masturbate to the thought of me?"

Oh that did it. Red bloomed deliciously from your cheeks, your ears, down to where your neckline began. Sanji felt his cock twitch eagerly, pride filling him. You diverted your gaze in embarrassment, puffing out your cheeks. Cute. 

"And if I do?"

"That's cute." He grinned, You scowled up at him. He felt your thighs tighten around him. "Oh, I affect you that much, hm?"

Sanji couldn't help the involuntary squawk that escaped when you flipped the two of you with your hips, taking advantage of your lower centre of gravity. Your weight sat deliciously on top of him, allowing him to effectively crush his cock against your clothed mound. He groaned as you adjusted your position, making yourself comfortable. 

"What was that, cook?" You panted out, trying to minimise how riled up you were. With pure purpose, you leant forward, caging his head between your arms. "Because from where I am you look pretty affected." 

The man below you gulped as you leant forward, moving to rest on your elbows, bringing your face closer. The blush on your cheeks showed no sign of calming down, the only telltale sign Sanji could find that you were embarrassed. Your voice dropped. "If you must know, it's a common occurrence. You drive me wild you silly man. Can I kiss you?"

Sanji laughed, dragging your face down to meet him. He kissed you passionately, hands cradling your face firmly. You smiled into the kiss, sucking gently at his lower lip. With a groan, Sanji reciprocated and then some. The impromptu makeout session halted when you propped yourself up to breathe. You stared down at him with stars in your eyes. 

"Wow." You breathed.

"Yeah." Sanji panted.

Silence. The two of you basking in each other. 

"Would you let me play with you, Sanji?"

You were rewarded with a moan as he nodded, eyes scrunched shut. Eagerly you sat back on his hips. Exploratively, you ran your hands down his chest, rubbing your way back up. Sanji shivered as you began unbuttoning his shirt, fingers clumsy with want. When you got the last button done you couldn't help yourself, feeling all over his chest, as if you were mapping it to memory. Sanji hissed as your nails lightly scratched over his nipples, hips lightly bucking up into you. You hummed appreciatively. 

"Can you stop teasing me, love?" Sanji bit out.  You laughed. 

With no pomp or circumstance, you divest yourself of your shirt, tossing it somewhere behind you.  Sanji whined, reaching up for you. You avoided his hand, crushing your bra-clad chest back to his. You were rewarded with a stuttered sigh.

Sanji felt himself freeze when you licked a stripe up his neck. You were savouring him, stopping to nibble his ear lobe. You had one arm stretched far past his head, the other braced on his shoulder. Sanji bucked his hips at a particularly harsh bite. He could feel you grin against his skin. If Sanji was honest, he felt faint as you kissed back down his neck, stopping when you found his pulse point. Sanji bit back a moan as you sucked harshly, bringing your outstretched hand back to cup his pec. Small whines being the only thing to reward you. 

"S-stop teasing, love." He was more flustered now. Perfect. 

Bzzzz

Sanji froze, eyes wide. He breathed out a small "What the fuck?" watching with bated breath as you pulled yourself back up, a wicked grin on your features. A jolt of electricity shot through him as he felt a vibration against his neck. 

You eyed him hungrily, slowly dragging the vibrator down his neck. The man beneath you was panting, eyes scrunched tight as you dragged the vibrator down to his chest. You circled a nipple with the vibrating tip, causing Sanji to jump. You bit back a moan. 

"Look at me Sanji." You purred. A wave of arousal washed over you as he peered up at you with wide eyes. You languidly toyed with the vibrator, tickling your way down his stomach, the man beneath you squirming. "This okay?"

"Yeah." A whisper. You grinned. 

"Good boy. Balance this for me, okay?" 

The vibrator on his abdomen buzzed idly as you shuffled back. With a wicked glint in your eyes you trailed your hand downwards. Sanji accidentally bucked his hips when your fingers found his belt, making quick work of undoing the buckle. You paused, the man beneath you trying desperately to still. When you deemed him still enough you moved to opening his trousers, fighting your way through a button. You'd never really noticed that Sanji wore his pants higher up on his hips. It made sense, you realised, from a fighting point of view. Huh, you'd have to tag that away for future reference.

"I didn't expect you to have such a sexy happy trail. Gods, so coarse." You moaned, feeling your way down through his hair, You let your fingers lightly touch under his pants. Sanji squirmed. You cooed.

"What a good boy, I'll be taking this back, thank you." You purposefully tickled him as you took back the vibrator, staring at him through lidded eyes. Sanji felt himself freeze, knowing full well what you were planning to do.

Sanji felt an undignified groan escape him as he felt you press the vibrator to his clothed groin with featherlight pressure. You were killing him! 

"Please do something (Name), you are driving me insane."

"Oh? More like this?" You feigned innocence, cupping both the vibrator and his bulge with one hand, and cranking the vibrator up with the other. You watched with perverse satisfaction as the man clenched his fists into your bedsheets. Good. With one hand you slipped the zipper down painfully slow. You made a show of sticking your hand through the opening and began palpating his clothed cock, making sure to squeeze every now and then. 

The man below you began panting, trying to talk but instead babbling something incoherent. You laughed.

With the now intensified vibrator, you slipped it between his parted thighs, placing it directly at the apex. Sanji squealed at that, scrambling to move away.

"Too much?" You cooed, though a genuine questioning tone laid underneath. Looking up to survey his expression, you found him biting onto his hand to muffle his noises. He shook his head.

"Just unfamiliar." He willed his eyes open and tried to fix you with a glare. It failed miserably, and the man instead looked like he was going to cry. 

Would it be so bad to make him cry?

You hummed as a way to acknowledge you saw him. Sanji managed to choke out a strangled, "You're not putting that in my ass."

The laugh that ripped from you was raucous and joyful. You playfully swatted his knee. 

"I wasn't going to go anywhere near your ass!" You managed out through giggles. Sanji blushed. "Geez, getting ahead of yourself, aren't you?"

"Just hurry up and touch me." Sanji muttered. You giggled, withdrawing your hand. The man below you whined at the loss. 

"Relax! Right now, I really just wanna blow you. That okay?" 

"Y-yeah! Fuck, I mean, if you want to?"

"Really wanna. Can I put this against your balls? It'll feel good, promise?"

Sanji shuddered beneath you, the vulgarity of your words hitting him. You were looking at him with hopeful eyes, a far cry from what you were saying. He supposed he could always say no if he hated it. He nodded slowly. 

"Yeah. Yeah, okay."

You squealed happily, hands flying up to try pulling down his pants. When they refused to budge you swatted at his thigh. Sanji let out a little yip, lifting his hips. You grinned wolfishly, tugging at the garment till it reached his mid thigh. You lightly trailed your hands up his thighs, tickling his inner thighs with your light touch. Sanji squirmed. 

When your eyes met his pelvis you whistled lowly. "Now isn't that something? Definitely more than a mouthful. Didn't take you for a briefs kinda guy, to be honest."

Sanji clearly didn't like the tone he perceived from that. He snapped at you, face red. "They are boxer briefs, thank you! They offer the best support. Why am I even explaining this to you anyway? I shouldn't have to justify my underWEAR-"

Sanji's voice pitched high as you cupped him. You rubbed small circles, grinding your palm against him. "Relax! It makes sense, you don't want a ball popping out when you're doing those high kicks. Thought you'd be thankful I pointed out that and not the giant wet patch."

"Would you be quiet? I can feel myself going soft." Sanji whined. You laughed.

"That's not what I'm feeling sweetheart." As if on cue you felt his cock jump at the pet name. You grinned, swallowing the extra saliva that filled your mouth. "As fun as this panty chat is, I'd really like to unwrap my present now."

Sanji stared at you through lidded eyes as your thumbs hooked under his waistband, pulling lightly. He hissed at the feeling. With no real ceremony, you began peeling the fabric away from him. Eyes sparkling as his cock came into view. The head was red and angry, a clear representation at how frustrated he must feel. His cock was lithe, curved, and definitely long. You found that a fitting comparison to its owner.

"Fuck." You whispered. "I'm sorry sweetheart, you're gonna have to tell me if it's too much, ‘kay? I gotta suck you off."

Sanji barely got to respond before you were on him, hands squeezing him. Whatever he was going to say got cut off by a guttural moan. You pumped him a few times, coating his cock in his pre-cum. If Sanji was wriggly before, he was practically fucking your fist. You braced one hand on his hip. 

"Bon Appetit." 

You engulfed him, taking as much as you could into your mouth. A moan tore its way out of you as you tasted him. Gods it was so musky, you needed more. You sucked harshly, causing the man below you to squeal and scramble for purchase. You really weren't going easy on him. 

The wet sounds that ensued were sinful, causing the both of you to feel embarrassed. You didn't care too much, needing to suck this man dry. You'd spent way too long thinking about this. You pumped what you couldn't fit in your mouth, laving your tongue on the underside of his cock. Sanji felt dizzy by the sensation, the heat in his groin growing. He couldn't help himself, hips bucking into your mouth. You gagged as he touched the back of your throat.

"Sorry. Sorry baby, feels too good." You hummed around his cock happily, causing Sanji to whine. "Baby, love, I'm not gonna last long, I promise I'm better than this."

You pulled off with a lewd pop, cooking a brow at him. A hoarse voice you didn't recognise as your own regarded him. "Y'perfect. Now calm down and cum in my mouth, can fuck me some other day."

Sanji whimpered as you resumed your ministrations, scrunching his eyes shut. Fuck, the pleasure was too much. He couldn't stop the way he lightly rocked his hips. He was so close. So close.

BZZZZZZZ

Ohoho. There was no way you'd forgotten what he'd agreed to. You firmly held the vibrating bullet against the back of his balls, resting on his perineum. Electricity coiled inside him, balls growing tight. Sanji honestly keened, a high whine escaping him. Oh shit that was...

Fuck. Too Much.

"(Name), I'm, oh fuck-"

Sanji tried to pry you off, embarrassed at the thought of cumming in your mouth. You growled around him, swallowing around him. Sanji moaned, hips delivering a final stutter.

He came. Hot seed spilling into your mouth and down your throat. Sanji's whole body shook. You gently licked at him, milking him through his orgasm. When you deemed the man thoroughly spent, you removed the bullet and pulled him out of your mouth. Sanji looked at you with frantic eyes.

"Spit that out!" He hissed, afraid to be heard. This was embarrassing. He hadn't even touched you yet, and here he was, trying to get you to get rid of his cum. Sanji felt himself grow light headed as he watched you swallow, your throat bobbing with the movement.

"You know we don't waste food Sanji. And how could I turn down such a treat?" You laughed, voice raspy. 

Sanji whined. How dare you use his words against him! He felt awkward. You pulled his underwear back up, patting his hip. 

"Lemme touch you!" He pleaded. You laughed. "No, really. Let me eat you out!"

You flushed beautifully. "Oh. Um. I don't think you want to do that!"

Sanji huffed. "I do! You're not gonna use that stupid toy, sit on my face, please darling." 

You squeaked. "No! I'm not gonna sit on your f-face! And it's not stupid. Made you cum."

Sanji rolled his eyes, a blush high on his cheeks. "That's not hard when you're involved. Please?"

"I'm too heavy and I won't taste nice! N-no!" You scrambled to the other side of your bed while Sanji pulled his pants back up. His eyes softened.

"That's not true. I'm sure I don't taste good." He faltered when you shook your head. He tried to muster up his signature charm. "Oh, you're worried you're too addictive and I'll never leave you alone?" 

That drew a laugh from you. Sanji smiled. "C'mon love? Can I...can I finger you at least? Really wanna touch you."

Your face was glowing red, eyes shifting away from him. "Oh. Um. I suppose that's okay."

Sanji leapt off the bed. "Good! Yes! Get comfy!" He watched as you settled where he'd been, clearly feeling embarrassed. You covered your stomach with your arms. Sanji frowned. "Love... You know that won't do."

"Ah. Sanji c'mon." You pleaded.

"Uh uh. You were so confident before. C'mon lay back. Just relax, I won't bite, unless you want me to?" 

There was that cocky grin you found so endearing. With a sigh, you sunk back into the mattress, letting your hands fall to your side. When you nodded, Sanji took that as his cue. 

Fervently he scrambled onto the bed, pinning you under him. He began peppering kisses all over your face, causing you to giggle. He was acting like an overexcited puppy. You captured his lips in another searing kiss. Sanji rested a hand on your waist, causing you to gasp. Sanji greedily took advantage of this, licking his way into your mouth. You whined. You heard Sanji groan, evident he could still taste himself. 

He pulled back with a pop and you startled at the look he gave you. It was so full of love and warmth, lust evident. He gave you a wink, before he ducked down to start kissing you everywhere. Your non-existent collarbones. He sucked lightly over one of them. You squeaked. He kissed his way down your breasts, free hand groping your smple chest. Sanji grinned against your skin, pleased with the noises he was getting. He trailed both hands to your back, rubbing soothing circles. You sighed as he explored your back.

When you felt his practised fingers make quick work of your bra hooks you gasped, red faced. He pushed them out of the way, lightly clawing at your back. You felt like fainting when your strap started to fall. What if he was disgusted? Sanji felt your breath picking up. 

"Oh my dear! Don't be scared. I'll take good care of you I promise! May I see them? I dream of them! You wouldn't deprive me of such a sight?"

You smiled at how cheesy he was. With a light cough you nodded. You wanted to cry at how gentle he was treating you, hands rubbing both your arms. You began to relax. Sanji grinned, eyes wild, as he pulled the straps down your arms, He gestured to the cups, wiggling his eyebrows. You laughed, nodding. He really knew how to ease the tension. Sanji looked awestruck as he pulled your bra away, discarding it off the bed. 

"Wow."

Sanji's eyes were positively sparkling, You watched as he nodded, seemingly at nothing, face dangerously red. With shaking hands he reached up to cup your breasts. He let out a shuddering breath. You felt your weighty breasts being lifted, Sanji supporting them with a blissful smile. He bounced his hands lightly, watching as they jiggled. 

"So hot. Better than I imagined."

"Yeah?" You tried not to sound too hopeful. Sanji grinned, squeezing experimentally. A cute whine ripped its way out of your throat, head lolling to the side. He was so gentle. You felt guilty for teasing him. "I'm sorry for teasing you. You're so cute you make me wanna make you blush."

Sanji stilled. "Oh. I...I don't mind. It's kinda hot. I'll get you back, don’t worry. Right now, wanna make you feel good."

You tried to push down the butterflies when Sanji kissed your tits as his hands reached your shorts. Embarrassment overcoming you, you buried your face in your hands as he popped open a button.

"Love? We can stop if it's too much?"

"No." You whined behind your hands. "Been a long time, and you're so hot. Don't want you to be disappointed. 

"I'm flattered. You know I could never be disappointed (Name)." 

Butterflies multiplied when he spoke your name. You nodded, wincing as he played with your zipper. With a sigh, you peeked through your hands. The breath that left you was airy and shaky. 

"Okay."

Sanji shot you a dazzling grin. "Then hips up my love!" 

You obeyed him, and watched as he dragged your shorts down, not stopping till they hung off one foot. With a shake of your foot the offending article hit the bed. Sanji gasped, cooing at you.

"Ah, your panties have little kittens on them, so cute." 

You froze, face dangerously red. Sanji watched out of the corner of his eyes as you floundered beneath him, stuttering. 

"I didn't know we were gonna...y'know? Wasn't like I wanted anyone to see 'em. It was uh....laundry day?" Your protests fell on deaf ears.

Sanji chuckled, eyes glinting dangerously. "It's cute. So cute. Can think of another pussy I'd like to see."

You swatted at him in embarrassment, he dodged you playfully. 

"I understand why you enjoy teasing me so much. Your face is so cute, love. May I?"

You nodded, not trusting your voice. Sanji grinned. Stupid cook. The object of your affection studied you, clear he was savouring this. You squirmed. Sanji rested his hands on your plush hips. 

"You're going to have to spread your legs sweetheart." Sanji bit his lip when you squeaked in response. "C'mon. Let me make you feel good."

Sanji watched, utterly enraptured as you shuffled, spreading your thighs apart. Your thighs looked so inviting, all he wanted to do was bury his face in there and lap at you like a man starving. But he'd respect your wishes, there was always next time. Eyes flicking upwards, he took into account how you weren't looking at him, eyes scrunched shut. 

You startled when Sanji crawled between your legs, hands cradling your thighs. The touch tickled and burned, sending electricity buzzing through you straight to your core. Sanji slid a hand up your inner thigh, resting at mid thigh.

"Fuck." You heard him swear, voice full of awe. "You're so wet."

A squeal escaped you and you tried slamming your thighs shut, but Sanji had caught them, staring. You cracked an eye open and gasped, thighs shaking. 

Sanji was practically drooling, biting his bottom lip. "You're SO wet..." He trailed off. You felt a hand gently hook your thigh onto his shoulder. He kissed the skin softly, relishing as you quivered under him. "Fuck. You gotta let me eat you next time."

Next Time. The thought made you lightheaded. You whined. Sanji soothed you, rubbing circles on your thigh. When you pried your eyes open you found the man staring directly in your eyes. You startled. Sanji maintained intense eye contact as you felt his knuckle run up your clothed slit. You muffled a shriek, blush returning tenfold. Sanji smiled, eyes turning back to your pussy. You shook as his fingers danced over you, pushing the fabric against you. When he caressed the area you moaned. 

"As cute as these are, can I please take them off?" Sanji pleaded playfully. 

"Please." You nodded. 

You squirmed as he began pulling your panties down, hands tickling the skin uncovered. 

"Okay baby, knees together." Sanji coached, picking your other leg up to join the one on his shoulder. You mewled at his gentleness, feeling him drag your underwear down. You tried angling your hips away from him, instead giving him a good view of your rear. "What a cute ass." He mused, continuing to trail the fabric to your feet. With nothing but gentleness, he slipped the underwear off you, balling the fabric up. 

You were too busy trying to disappear and hide your nakedness from the man, so you didn't notice how he rubbed it between his fingers before stuffing them in his pockets. He'd make sure you didn't even realise they were missing. He salivated at the thought.

In the meantime you had clamped both hands over your sex. Sanji tutted at you. That wouldn't do. With a sigh he gripped your right leg, beginning to pry them apart. You shrieked, pointing your knees inwards.

"(Name)." Sanji warned. When you didn't respond he swatted lightly at your ass. He grinned when you rewarded him with a squeal, bucking your hips away from his hand and towards him. He'd file that away. Sanji sighed. "Darling please. I'll die if you don't show me that pretty pussy. I'm trying to be gentle, but knowing what's behind those hands, I want to wrench your thighs open." 

Sanji watched you surreptitiously rub your thighs together. He cocked an eyebrow. So you were enjoying this. An over-dramatic sigh escaped him. He'd just have to deal with the consequences. Sure you could fight, but Sanji was stronger than you, and when he wrapped a hand under your thigh, thumb wrapping into the inside near your apex, you knew you were fucked. 

"Darling. You can be a good girl and show me, or I can do it for you." When you continued squirming and stuttering Sanji tsked. "Then I'm sorry (Name). You can get me back later." 

You squealed when he yanked your thighs apart, quickly slotting himself between your legs, rendering you unable to close them fully. If your face got any redder you'd faint, and it was a very likely possibility when you felt his hands circle your wrist. The switch to being more dominant was making your head spin. Sure, you adored submissive Sanji, but the idea that he was acting like this because he wanted to see you that badly ignited you. 

"Sorry my love." He apologised before wrenching your hands back. You tried desperately to slap your thighs shut, squirming in his hold. All this did was rut your sex closer to him. You heard Sanji groan, causing you to go deathly still. 

"F-fuck."

Fighting the tears in your eyes you avoided his eyes. Sanji breathed out a long sigh, the air hitting your sex. You whined. 

"Holy fuck. Gorgeous." 

You stared down at him. Sanji's eyes were glued to your pussy, pupils dilated. Anxious, you fiddled with your fingers. Sanji kept muttering praises, rubbing your thigh reassuringly. 

Shame flooded you when you felt him spread you open with two fingers. A loud squelch rewarded the man, and he clearly enjoyed it. 

"Oh fuck! Love, love, please?"

"Yeah." You breathed out. Sanji grinned up at you before turning his attention back to his prize. With his index and middle finger he parted your labia back open, whining at the wetness that greeted him. He gently prodded you with his thumb, causing you to jump and whine. 

Sanji acted like a man possessed, thumb rubbing circles, gathering up your juices. He ground his thumb against your clit, causing you to moan and squirm against him. He pivoted his hand position so just his thumb was on you, rubbing sweet circles on the nub. Your body was abuzz with pleasure, clit throbbing.

"Here we go, my love. Tell me if you don't like it." His honeyed voice kissed your ears. All you could muster was an eager nod.

Thumb still stimulating your clitoris, you felt his pointer circle your opening. Pleasure overtook you, helping abate some of your nerves. The long digit dipped into you and you squeaked. Sanji took this as a good sign, and he slowly sunk the finger inside you, curling up at the end. When you big out a low moan Sanji knew that was the spot. He rubbed the rough spot gently, causing tears to spring to your eyes. 

Sanji's movements grew clumsy, causing you to stare down at him. The sight that greeted you caused you to choke back a laugh. Sanji growled, crooking his finger and making you whine. 

Sanji was deep in you with one hand, the other was struggling with your vibrator.

"How do you even turn this thing on?" He growled, grinding his thumb a little hard when you giggled. 

"Twist the base. No, no the other way...There you go!"

Sanji withdrew his other hand, causing you to mourn the loss. He grinned up at you. "Here we go darling!"

You blushed as he spread you open again, hearing him sigh in awe. You bit back a moan when he pressed the vibrator against your clit. Sanji grinned at how you shook. With a cheeky smirk, he plunged a finger inside you, pumping in and out at a gentle rhythm. When you began squirming, Sanji took that as a sign to add another finger, making sure to crook them just right.

Sanji took you in. You were panting, moaning freely as he pleasured you. He watched mesmerised at how your chest heaved, your hands playing with your nipples, a hiss tearing from his throat. That was hot. He became more desperate to make you cum. 

The vibrator cranked up in power, causing you to moan wantonly. Sanji crumpled himself against you, hand pumping furiously. The vibrator was firmly dancing against your clit. With his free hand Sanji slapped one of your hands away. You wanted to protest, but then he began sucking harshly at your tit. A whine echoed through the room when he bit down on the skin. 

Your moans pitched up in tone and frequency as you reached your end. Sanji stared up at you, in awe of your reactions. He felt your thighs quiver, a wave of giddiness washing over him. He could do this all day if it meant you'd react like that. He resumed sucking and nibbling at your breasts, his ego inflating at the way you chanted his name. He liked this version of you, too caught up in pleasure to worry about how you looked, or how you sounded. Even if it drove him wild, he really loved when you were confident.

"There we go my love. Let go. So hot."

You had tears in your eyes, your hips rocking in time with his thrusts. "Oh Sanji...you're so good to me. Good boy." Your voice hitched at a particularly hard bite. "Oh! I-I'm gonna cum b-baby."

Sanji whined against your sweaty skin. "Cum for me (name), please love."

Stars burst behind your eyes as you reached your white hot peak. You clenched around his fingers, walls spasming. Sanji marvelled at how you threw your head back, brows knitted together. Your fingers clawed for purchase, one settling in his locks, the other scratching at his neck. Sanji groaned. You uttered a stuttered call of his name. Sanji felt his mouth go dry as you came, wet squelches reaching his ears, and watching as your back arched beautifully.

You fell back into the bed, completely spent. Sanji fumbled with the vibrator, throwing it aside when he couldn't turn it off, simultaneously removing his fingers gently, eyes blown wide at the cum decorating his digits. He couldn't stop himself, trying to sneakily guide his fingers to his mouth. You watched, mesmerised as he began licking the digits clean, humming in delight. A gasp tore its way from your throat. Sanji froze, fingers in his mouth.

"M'sorry." He mumbled around his fingers. "Really wanted to taste you."

"And?" You breathed out, eyes wide and inquisitive.

Sanji sucked them clean, then pulled the fingers from his mouth with a wet pop. You cringed at the lewd sound. "Oh love, it's exquisite."

He climbed his way on top of you, collapsing against your chest with a huff, earning a giggle from you. You placed a kiss into his hair. Sanji snuggled deeper, trying to crush you in a hug. Happily, you felt him shiver as you drew circles on his bare back. The small grunt he made causing a languid grin to spread across your face.

"Was that okay?" The tentative voice you spoke with sounded foreign to you. Sanji laughed, kissing your skin.

"More than okay. Would you let me make love to you when I'm hard again?"

Sanji preened at the delighted sound that rewarded him. "I would love that." You paused. "Hey Sanji?" 

The tired man hummed, feeling you fiddle with his hair with one hand, the other splayed on his back. You were silent. He tilted his head up, peering up at you through heavy lashes. Your eyes were big and nervous.

"I kinda...like you, you know? Like...love you."

You felt the breath knocked from your lungs at the dazzling grin that spread across his face. He pushed himself up, pulling his body upwards so he could meet your eyes. 

"Yeah?" He breathed. You nodded. Sanji captured you in another kiss. "Love you too my sweet." You grinned, causing the man above you to kiss you repeatedly. You pulled back cheekily.

"Even liked the vibrator?" Sanji scowled but nodded faintly. You giggled, dropping your voice low. "You know you can get one that goes around your cock? Stops you from cumming without permission."

A soft whine ripped from Sanji's throat as he stilled, burying his face in your neck. You raised a brow.

"Are you fucking hard again?"

"Sorry darling."

[minkdelovely]

ptolemaea

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

“i am no good nor evil, simply i am. and i have come to take what is mine.”

Nun!Alastor x Demon!Lucifer ; RadioApple ; MDNI 18+

tags/warnings: top!lucifer x bottom!alastor, alcohol consumption, accidental luci praise fic?, blasphemous debauchery, desecration of catholic imagery, smut (vague i know but if the previous tags haven’t scared you… 😂) also not a brag but i think i accidentally put my whole pussy into this idk what happened but here we are 🥂**didn’t implement tag list to avoid shocking y’all to death**

word count: 5.1k

author’s note: *natalie portman voice* i never said i was a role model. this companion piece (<- first part linked here) is dedicated to darling @hazelfoureyes who gave me courage to let my freak flag fly — please accept this as my humble offer of gratitude; it’s been an honor to workshop this idea with you 😭 totally get it if this crosses a line for some (please skip, i promise it’s okay lol) but i couldn’t be more excited to publish this. for anyone willing to join us on the yellow brick road to hell you are welcome to link arms 🙏🏻❤️‍🔥 theme inspo from ethel cain 🏚️ i also made a playlist for the party if you wanna check it out ✨

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Samhain was always a peculiar time for Lucifer.

Though he could come and go as he pleased between realms — with the exception of Heaven, of course — the thinning of the veil was the only time of year he could feel Earth from Hell. The energy of realms converging wallowed in the air heady as incense, enticing his powers to rest just under his skin. 

Or at least that’s how it felt. A not-unpleasant humming tension, aching to be released. It put him on edge, stirring him like a poker to hot coals as he fought to maintain his suave facade against the urge to succumb to the deeper power he normally held back with ease. It had never gone over well whenever Lucifer gave into the temptation… 

Except for the year he accidentally created a mound of rubber ducks. What a charming fascination that had turned out to be.

Normally he would make plans to visit with one of the other Sins or confine himself to his workshop to keep busy (use your imagination), but this year Charlie was hosting a party at the hotel. A costume party. He had no intention of dressing up (the fear that no one took him seriously enough as-is not completely unfounded), but he did find the practice endearing. Little mortals disguising themselves to hide from ghouls and demons. 

But he was Lucifer Morningstar, after all. Sinners and the like dressed up after him, not the other way around.

Exasperation pricked the king’s skin as Alastor suddenly came to mind, maintaining a perpetual state of unwelcome in Lucifer’s consciousness. He probably wouldn’t be dressing up either, the smug son-of-a-bitch. Every day is Halloween for that haunted sideshow, he thought bitterly with a laugh to himself, the sound echoing off the walls his only companion within the confines of the office — aside from the ever-present mass of ducks, of course.

The dilemma was still there when the laughter died though. Risk letting Charlie down by not dressing up and lumping himself in with Alastor by extension? Or don a costume and give the snarky demon and anyone else with a mocking eye the false impression of superiority? Lucifer groaned, running both hands through his bouffant platinum hair as he slumped forward at his desk. 

How had it come to this, needing to choose between love for his daughter or himself? Consumed by the current problem, he failed to recognize that this was an issue typically at hand, even when he lacked venom behind it. He was making good progress when it came to Charlie, but as they say, old habits die hard. There had to be a compromise somewhere…

A minute passed.

Head between his knees, his eyes shot open with the thrill of inspiration and he sprang from his chair, decision made. The familiar handsome smile graced his lips as he sauntered to his bedroom where an untouched suit awaited him in the armoire. He wasn’t the sin of Pride for nothing.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Intersecting somewhere between Halloween and New Year's Eve, the newly-added ballroom of the hotel was decorated to the gills, not a single inch of it lacking in festive flair. Angel Dust scoffed when a DJ had been suggested and happily provided a playlist for the party, which was either really smart or really crazy. Or both. Only time would tell, but so far there had been no complaints.

Sinners were piling in, ooh-ing and ahh-ing at the establishment. The cacophony of conversation, laughter, and music filled the space with a liveliness Charlie hoped would be a more permanent fixture at the hotel. She and Vaggie had taken charge of greeting everyone at the entrance of the ballroom, receiving some surprisingly sincere compliments on their Glinda and Elphaba costumes. Any derogatory laughter or smirks were being pointedly ignored, both women knowing full well that they looked incredible.

When Charlie spotted her father approaching in the crowd, her smile faltered briefly. “Dad! I thought I told you this was a costume party,” she said tentatively, looking back to give Vaggie a silent plead to keep up with the greetings before focusing her full attention on Lucifer.

“Oh, honey, you look fantastic! Pink really suits you,” he deflected, eyes and voice sparkling as he held Charlie’s arms out to admire the glittering gown, looking every bit the princess she was.

She drew back, not unkindly, when he released her and wrapped her arms around her ribs self-consciously. Groaning, “Dad…” 

It was quite impressive how she could admonish him with a single word without even meaning to. Must've gotten it from her mother, he thought absently, though Lilith wouldn’t know passive aggression if it slapped her on the ass. 

Thinking on his estranged wife, it was a true miracle how Charlie had blossomed into the compassionate and brave young woman standing before him. Lilith, never afraid to lead the charge; himself, too trepidatious to take the risk. Yet somehow their daughter seemed to embody the best of them both, reflecting parts of himself that he didn’t know where there.

He could have wept on the spot, suddenly fit to burst with affection for her — no doubt another side effect of the day — but the angel quickly refocused when he saw Charlie’s nervous expression toward him and leapt into damage control.

“Whaddya mean, I am dressed up!” he managed to answer with his usual charm. With one hand he pointed at his extended horns, a flicker of flame glowing between them adorned with his delicate serpent crown. The other hand swooped in front of his red suit with a flourish. “You’re telling me this doesn’t pass as a credible devil costume? You know, I actually held back. Thought maybe it’d be too scary for your guests if I went all out.”

If keeping his flame low and eyes neutral counted as holding back, and not just the ones in his skull. People got squeamish around him whenever the amass of eyes on his crown and wings appeared. He didn’t blame them.

Lucifer was rambling now, a nervous laugh the cherry on top of his need to save face. Though somewhat of a loophole, he had found the idea to be rather clever. Then again, he was trapped in an echo chamber of his own thoughts so most ideas naturally fell into that category. Was it really such a letdown? He could’ve bailed altogether, nerves already desperate for solitude, but he wanted to try for her. Even if it felt like two steps forward and one step back when it came to Charlie, he’d keep aiming to get it right for as long as she’d allow. 

“I actually think you look great,” Vaggie said smoothly, swooping in next to Charlie at the first break in the crowd. Lucifer would owe her for the rest of existence for the save. A debt he was more than happy to repay in whichever way pleased her best, making a mental note to discuss it later with the fellow angel. “It’s a lot better than what Alastor decided to show up in, anyhow.” The grimace on her face and in her tone was unmistakable. 

Alastor had fucked up.

It took all of Lucifer’s willpower to keep his magic in check at the delight that shot through him. The PR mess regarding what would equate to mass murder, regrettably, didn’t ping his radar. But the thought of needing to rebuild the ballroom was just taxing enough to keep the impulse at bay.

He was about to ask what Vaggie meant when Charlie stepped in, playing devil’s advocate as usual (no pun intended). What his precious, well-meaning daughter saw in that undeserving creep, he’d never understand.

“He’s just getting into the spirit! You have to admit, it’s nice to see him mingling for once, he’s usually so—”

“Grotesque?” Lucifer offered.

“Conniving?” Vaggie added.

“Reclusive!” Charlie practically screamed, earning looks from a few demons within earshot. “Look, I won’t say that what he picked out isn’t… surprising, but I’m just really happy to see him join in on the fun. He’s been enjoying himself so far, so I want you guys on best behavior, all right?” 

She said you guys but made solid eye contact with her father. Despite wanting to protest, Lucifer understood he was already off to a shaky start and conceded with a sigh, covered quickly with a debonair grin. Charlie didn’t know what a particularly big ask it was to be on best behavior tonight, but that was his burden to bear.

“Of course, sweetie, you have nothing to worry about! There are so many sinners here I doubt we’ll even run into each other.”

Famous last words.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Lucifer tried to enjoy himself, he really did. 

In the brief moments before his eyes found Alastor in the crowd, it had actually been a wonderful time. He was immediately awash in the admiration of his subjects, even managing to make some poor creature faint with a simple grin in their direction — though he had really laid on the charm with that one. Could he be blamed though? After ten millennia of habit, calling it compulsive would be an understatement. 

Moments like this were a reminder of why it was good to get out of his office every now and then. Whether it was compliments on his look, praise for the fight with Adam, or outright solicitation for sex, Lucifer drank it all in; beaming as the crowd awed at the sight of fully extended wings he could no longer keep to himself. He really was the shit, wasn’t he? Being worshipped is truly unlike anything else, but it’s something to experience, not explain. All he knew was that he adored it. 

It had been a devastatingly short-lived escape, the proverbial looming gray cloud — never too far away — returning as Lucifer’s gaze fell on Alastor. He had been scanning for the bar and stumbled on an atrocity instead. Just his luck. 

The costume was a shocking choice to be sure, one that Lucifer might have even appreciated had it been on literally anyone else. But something about it on Alastor was simply… perverse. Leaving him with the struggle of trying to decide if it was the costume that was the issue or its inhabitant.

Was it the way the habit — embellished with red stitches on each side and the Cross of Saint Peter in the center — framed Alastor’s face, ears and horns still exposed with just a tuft of bang peaking out across his forehead? The pure white wimple that glowed like a beacon against the stark black surrounding it, casting an unusual grace upon the slender neck and broad shoulders underneath? Or how the tunic flattered the swell of his chest, the taper of his thin waist accentuated by the fabric swirling about his hips that flowed down over long, lean legs?

The demon, draped languidly over the bar, was chatting with Husker; the look on their faces was the most relaxed and natural Lucifer had ever seen exchanged between the pair, borderline flirtatious. Whatever the bartender said made Alastor toss his head back with a laugh, the exuberant sound of it piercing the angel’s chest like an arrow. How he had even managed to hear it so clearly over the music and the crowd was a miracle, or perhaps curse was more accurate. Still, the easygoing look on Alastor’s face as he came down from the laugh was bewitching, accented by a boozy flush and mischievous, heavy red eyes.

Insufferable.

The Radio Demon was in top form tonight, confidence radiating from him with such a forceful ease that the king could feel it even from his place across the room. He hadn’t noticed the literal sparks flying out of the pads of his fingers until he brought his hands up to tug at the collar of his shirt, which suddenly felt too tight. Fuck.

Taking it all in, Lucifer could feel the heat rising reluctantly in his face as he was consumed by a baffling mixture of lust and loathing.

All because Alastor decided to be a blasphemous piece of shit, he seethed, scowling as he narrowed his eyes at the sinner in question. Eerie, arrogant, pompous, constant pain-in-the-ass Alastor, riling him up like this? Lucifer had considered it number one on his list of impossibilities, caught completely off-guard by the rush of desire — if he had to put a word on it — for the ghoulish prick. An impulse he had never entertained nor wanted to feel in regard to the demon, but was there all the same.

“Samhain,” Lucifer cursed under his breath. The flame between his horns intensified, eyes prickling with the threat to change color. He took a breath, remembering Charlie. 

Best behavior. 

It was about as helpful as a bandaid over a bullet wound. This had to be a joke; a cruel, tasteless joke meant to provoke him specifically. Like he hadn’t suffered enough of those already in his long, long existence.

That was the only conclusion the angel could come to from his table near the bar, practically burning alive in his chair as he watched Alastor strutting around the ballroom in between breaks from the dance floor. Lucifer really had almost set himself on fire after catching Alastor in the middle of a sultry dance move with one of the guests, a rolling of hips he didn’t think Alastor was even capable of doing, let alone inflict upon someone. It took a double shot to mellow out when he found himself wondering what it would be like to switch places with that guest, though it did little to quell the growing ache coiling low in his abdomen.

There was a lull in the music and the crowd disbursed, quickly filling the empty space around the angel. Lucifer exhaled, somewhere between a groan and a laugh. Alastor had finally managed to dip out of his line of sight — not that the demon was forcing Lucifer to look — and the reprieve couldn’t have come at a better time; the solace of his absence coming over the angel like poultice to a throbbing wound. Despite being a couple drinks in now, the tension in his body was a ticking bomb. He needed the opportunity to try and decompress before he accidentally wrought havoc upon the denizens invited here by his daughter.

For at least the tenth time he entertained the idea of going back up to his room, if only to release some of the punishing energy pulsating through him, but he wasn’t confident that he’d return. The only thing holding him back was the promise he made to Charlie to be present and well behaved. And so, he remained committed to the confinement of the table he’d been bonded to for the last hour.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

In hoping to keep as much distance as possible Lucifer had unwittingly tipped Alastor off, landing the problem he was hoping to evade right in his lap. So to speak.

He always forgot that the demon could travel through shadow until it was too late. It’s just that he didn’t care to remember, not wanting to give Alastor even the tiniest bit of permanent space in his mind. Something he was actually too oblivious to realize he was already doing; they both were.

Alastor had of course noticed when Lucifer entered the room. Whether he wanted to was another thing entirely. Though it was to be expected, what with the dregs of Hell no doubt encountering royalty for the first time. Thankfully he had been at the bar with Husker, his captive bartender providing a welcome distraction with a joke about how his drink was going to cost a few Hail Marys. There were reasons Alastor kept him around, after all, beyond the obvious. Surly as he was, Husk had the capacity to be quite funny when the mood struck. He wasn’t on the clock tonight, but he was the only one Alastor trusted to pour his drinks. 

He could feel the glare beating down on him from that moment on, focused on him wherever he went. So he laid it on, making rounds and fluffing up the guests who were all too eager to devour his attention. It had been especially fun seeing the quick shock of flame in the corner after he showed off a risqué dance move, all for his majesty’s entertainment of course. If the spotlight was going to be forced on him, why not perform? But after an hour the joke was growing stale, and so the demon came to the conclusion that he’d have to be the one to bridge the gap.

Lucifer jumped at the shock of Alastor’s melodic voice coming from behind him, transmuting the glass in his hand into a duck without meaning to with a pop; amber-colored liquor swirling around within the confines of its new shape. Lucifer couldn’t decide what pissed him off more, the jump scare or the magic trick. The not-so-secret third option being Alastor’s proximity to himself, the heat from their bodies mingling in the small space between them.  

“Fuck! You know, you’ve got a lot of nerve sneaking up on me like that. I’m liable to make it a killing offense,” Lucifer sneered, tossing a napkin over his new little creation before anyone else could notice it. “And I haven’t been admiring you. I’m just, uh, keeping an eye on things! Besides, a king shouldn’t mingle with the general population. Might give off the wrong impression.” 

Sealed with crossed arms and a smug, toothy grin, it would’ve made for a decent enough comeback had it not been for the slip up. 

A dear old friend to Alastor, the slip up.

The expression on his face sharpened with a malicious instinctual ease as an idea unfurled in his mind. Lucifer was so obviously perturbed by him, the attempt he made at concealing it was almost endearing in a pathetic way. Though he was always in a pathetic way to Alastor, dark gums revealed in his ominous smile as his scheme took shape. He leaned in low, lips nearly grazing the angel’s skin as he spoke; his ear twitched at the catch of Lucifer’s breath from the action. He was so fucking obvious.

How humiliating.

“Is that so? Well, if you’re merely killing time here, might I suggest a bit of… sport?”

Lucifer flinched, pulling his face away to glare up at him. He couldn’t be insinuating what the angel thought he was, could he? It would be a bold — deadly — move even under normal circumstances. And tonight was anything but normal. 

Something was clearly in the air for Alastor too, if the fraternizing Lucifer had witnessed for the past hour was any indication (not realizing he had been the cause). He was known to have a flirtatiousness about him when he drank, but there was a different edge to it this evening. Lucifer was beginning to wonder if the costume was fueling his narcissism. Obscene.

“Well, your majesty?” Alastor goaded, radio filter frazzling as he leered down. To Lucifer’s chagrin, bedroom eyes looked good on him, the rotten bitch. “If not, I’m more than happy to leave you to your sulking.”

That was a lie and they both knew it, the tension so charged between them the air might combust at any second. Given the king’s proneness to accidents tonight (and the literal open flame above his head) it wasn’t an impossibility. 

As they locked eyes, some silent declaration was sent, though neither had received the same message. Or perhaps they did and therein was the problem, dooming them to be forever caught in this stubborn battle of wills. 

Lucifer tried — and failed — to ignore the portion of himself that, apparently, had been eager for the opportunity. He could give in… if only to set some boundaries on who was always the winner in this pissing contest. The smoky trace of whiskey lingering on Alastor’s breath caused Lucifer’s nails to dig into the flesh of his palm, golden pinpricks of blood rising in the wake. 

A proposition now effectively ratified. 

The Body and the Blood…

How sentimental.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

“Haaahh…! Mmmnn — ahh!”

“Fuck…”

It started off as a joke like so many things do when you’re scared shitless of vulnerability.

An insult here, a dare to chase it. Contemptuous eyes poorly concealing the desire simmering underneath. An angry meeting of mouths, all tongue and teeth and claws. The clattering of miscellaneous items being recklessly swiped off a table.

Glass shattering. 

More insults.

A bite to the lip drawing blood, tangled breath filling in the needy gaps awaiting any touch they could get. The first shared moan ringing in ears before scorching its way down, stoking the molten ache roiling in the gut, desperate to envelop them both and leave nothing but frayed nerves behind. 

Caressing, pulling, gripping, grinding, biting…

The party supply room was hot, air humid with sweaty musk and the steam of heaving breaths, the sounds of the party resonating on the other side of the wall. Inside were hisses through clenched teeth, groans of ecstasy; slick skin coming together then pulling away with the magnitude of storm-heavy waves crashing and receding on the shore.

The tunic covering Alastor’s torso did little to comfort him, stripped as he felt. In fact, the habit was still on too, the only piece of clothing torn from him being the wimple in order to free the expanse of his neck. Lucifer had spent quite a bit of time there, marking it well with harsh love bites and languid strokes of his forked tongue.

He was laid out beneath the angel, open mouthed and florid, vaguely coherent as his king fucked him senseless; seemingly determined to conquer the demon as wholly as possible. A task at which he was succeeding, if he hadn’t done so already; though to be fair he had never stood a chance against Lucifer. Not tonight.

Alastor hadn’t spoken a proper word in minutes, reduced to communicating through moans, groans, and sharp intakes of breath. Quite the accomplishment considering he was such an articulate fellow. 

Lucifer didn’t know it yet, but he would be haunted by the memory of seeing Alastor’s eyes roll to the back of his head once he found the pace he was currently keeping; deep and steady, just fast enough to stay ahead of the desperation that was never too far behind.

So tight…

The demon almost looked sweet, splayed out below him like this, lost in the throes of pleasure. It was a nice change considering the sneer that normally painted his face. But seeing him like this, brows knit and face flushed, the tuft of bang soaked into his forehead…

In this moment, Lucifer truly felt like a God.

He certainly looked like he could be, his demon form fully unleashed. He always felt such relief in this state. It was exhausting holding himself back, and not just today. Something he did all the time, not out of concern or ease for others, but because he had difficulty grappling with his station. Not that he’d give it up — hell no. But the burden of leadership was exactly that. Lilith had known it too, all too happy to take the reins until she wasn’t. He’d been happy to let her… until he wasn’t.

Maybe it was the melding properties of Samhain surging through him, but he could swear he felt a shifting. What good did it do for him to hide himself away? There was actually plenty of proof to the contrary. Why should he hold himself back? He was Lucifer Morningstar. Hell was his domain, and all its inhabitants needed a reminder that he was to be revered.

The Radio Demon could be their martyr.

Why else had he offered himself up like one? And the image suited him well.

“I showed the Nazareth all the kingdoms of the world before they crucified him. What do you see, Alastor?” Lucifer growled, voice thick and smug with authority. He leaned down to nip and lick at the skin of Alastor’s open jaw, still whipping his hips at a relentless pace. 

Even with eyes closed — too much effort, they were so heavy to keep open — Alastor could see him perfectly, the image of Lucifer seared into his mind. Eyes. Glowing red eyes to match the flame roaring between his fully formed horns and the apple that topped his serpent crown like a sparkling ruby. Leering, all-seeing eyes on seraphim’s wings. 

A fanged grin so self-satisfied it was like looking directly into the sun. 

A God.

It burned him to admit it.

But the wanton moan that tore through Alastor’s chest pierced the room, coming on so quickly he never stood a chance at restraining it. The words spilling from Lucifer’s mouth in deep rumbles threatened to unravel the meager hold Alastor had left on his dignity. Absent claws bit into the flesh of the demon’s thighs as the angel momentarily hitched from the way Alastor clenched around him, hot and greedy as if needing to milk him for all he was worth.

The king let out a husky laugh in response, latching onto a particularly enticing patch of Alastor’s neck where it met the shoulder; reveling again in the salty musk that coated his tongue before biting down, filling his mouth with the satisfying taste of iron.

Alastor opened his mouth in a soundless plead, his mouth and throat dry from exertion. Impossible as it seemed, tears pricked at the corner of his eyes; his painfully hard and untouched dick throbbed, weeping against his stomach and into the fabric of the tunic. It was too much… He was too full, too surrounded, too helpless.

Consuming. 

Yes, that’s what it felt like. 

He had never been on the opposite side of it before. 

And despite it all, he could feel his orgasm pooling low in his belly, balls painfully full and tight. That gnawing tension yearning for relief as Lucifer’s thick arousal punished his spongy core. Once the angel pulled away from his neck, Alastor couldn’t help but reach down to touch himself, so in need of climax he didn’t care what it took to get it.

Lucifer roared at the sight, cock twitching as his own release threatened to spill, but managed to hold it back. Delicious as this was to witness, he couldn’t let Alastor get to the finish line just yet; his pointed tail coming around to snatch the demon’s hand away as he pulled out, exhaling with a strained grunt.

The sudden absence of both sensations left Alastor to writhe in frustrated ache, practically sobbing through gritted teeth at the loss, which Lucifer mercifully tried to soothe with languid kisses and nips to the demon’s inner thigh. He wasn’t a completely unfeeling Lord, after all.

He just needed one last thing before letting them both attain the high they so desperately wanted, his eyes shifting back from radiant flame to red and yellow with a blink as he wrapped his hand around Alastor’s angry, dripping length. It wouldn’t be long now, the poor creature was so hard and wet to the touch.

Alastor cried out, regaining some semblance of himself as he unconsciously bucked into Lucifer’s unmoving hand; his mouth made a sticky sound as he swallowed hard, moisture finally returning to his parched throat. 

“Luci…fer… please — I can’t…!” Alastor practically tore the words out between heaving breaths, tears burning his skin as the shame of needing to beg deepened his rosy blush to an intense red. 

He hadn’t expected the demon to beat him to the punch, unable to fight the grin of victory painting his lips as his eyes resumed their fearsome glow. Benevolently rewarding Alastor with a few firm strokes, he relished the lewd, wet sound of it joining the chorus of his subject’s carnal whimpers. Lucifer bent down and flattened his tongue, giving a slow wide lick to Alastor’s leaking cock from base to head, finishing with an obscene slurp. How could he possibly have denied himself such a precious offering? 

A pleased hum rumbled in Lucifer’s chest when Alastor slung an arm over his face, gossamer strings of spit between his lips as he shuddered, “Oh god… fuck…”

That would work. 

Lucifer buried himself back into Alastor’s enticing heat, continuing his ministrations as his hips set a slow pace. A mewling groan spilled from the demon’s mouth, hips rolling to meet each of the angel’s thrusts. Lucifer’s peak was quickly approaching, too lost in the divine feeling of Alastor’s body surrounding him, already lamenting the thought of being finished.

“You poor thing… Did I fuck all the attitude out of you?” the angel taunted, golden blood dripping down the side of his mouth from the force of his smile.

No longer capable of holding it back, the orgasm crashed through Alastor with the force of an avalanche, heart threatening to burst through his chest; the sound of its rapid pounding nearly drowning out his own scream of rapture. He spasmed so tightly that the king had to still himself, the grip on him almost painful. Hot, thick cum shot onto the demon’s stomach and Lucifer’s hand in gratifying spurts as he stroked him through his high, desperate for every drop he could wring out.

Inspired by the mess in front of him, the angel pulled out and brought one of Alastor’s hands to him, guiding him until he felt life twitch back into the demon’s fingers. The grasp was a little too harsh, Alastor perhaps using this as a chance for revenge if the look in his eye was any indication, but it didn’t matter. Nothing could take this conquest from him. It wasn’t long before Lucifer was rutting into the demon’s hand, groaning through clenched teeth as his face twisted up before spilling himself into Alastor’s palm.

Lucifer gave himself a moment to revel in the bliss of their debauchery before cleaning them up with a snap of his fingers. He was too worn out to put more effort into it than that, and hey, got the job done, didn’t it?

They were still trying to catch their breath when they finally locked eyes, the post-coital sobriety already at work. Alastor’s ears flattened as he glared at the angel, a rare grimace on his lips.

“No one knows about this. Understood?” he threatened, the static crackling in the air around him.

“Ha! Who do you think you’re talking to? Now I know I fucked you stupid.”

Their fistfight didn’t last long, but provided a great cover for their absence when they stumbled back to the bar in desperate need of a strong drink.

So much for best behavior…

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

“How did you do it by the way, the last temptation of Christ?” Alastor couldn’t believe he was asking, the bitterness clear in his voice, but he figured it might be his only chance to find out without seeming too curious.

It took Lucifer a second to process the question, an easy smile spreading across his face. “Oh what, showing Jesus the world? I just whipped out a map*.”

Insufferable.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧     ✧     ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

ps: don’t worry, alastor was prepped before getting railed lol it just happened off screen 🫠

*biblically accurate if you can believe

[wings-of-ink]

Hear ye, hear ye!

All of you who have been anxiously awaiting Chapter 4 can send a big thank you to the Microsoft mayhem that happened on Friday. Because of it, I have had two entire, unprecedented, days off of work during which all I did was write and edit chapter 4! Stuff like this never happens to me either, so I ate it up. My work computer is still super broken too, so who knows what will happen tomorrow, lol.

So, chapter 4, barring anything disastrous that I do not yet foresee – is coming very soon. Like, any day this week soon. For now, I am looking for bugs and other errors until I feel comfortable getting the update loaded. I will also be updating the warning list and some things on the itch page. I keep feeling like I'm forgetting something I wanted to do, and am having a hell of a time remembering what it was…

Anyway, if it interests you, more details below!

In going through some of the Google Error Reports, I had a couple that I either could not resolve or find.

It was reported that checking player stats in chapter 1 would not work – that it would flash only for a moment. I could not recreate this. If anyone else has seen this, please let me know.

In the end of chapter 2 where there are multiple ways to spend your time there seems to be some issues with how choices become unselectable after certain clicks and it just doesn't seem to function correctly. I have fixed the issues I have found, but could not recreate all of the instances that were reported. This section may get an overhaul in the future since I understand the coding a bit more now.

It was also reported that fonts are not changing. There is definitely a weird issue with this and it will take some time for me to sit down and hammer out. The fonts do change for me, but notably, I don't think they are switching to the correct font types. They don't even appear to be the same fonts from when I first starting this project, lol. This issue is on hold for now.

The last 2 bonus segments for the end of chapter 3 are being pushed aside for the time being. I kept finding myself feeling like I was hammering them into the chapter and it was a little exhausting. If I force it, it will be less enjoyable to read. The segments that are missing are the ones for hanging out with Zahn and Nathanael. Zahn's is easy to wiggle in elsewhere at least, but I'm not sure if Nathan's will make it in or not. We'll see, my motivation was purely for chapter 4, so now that it is ready to go, I'll have another crack at it before I drop or move them completely. They aren't super important to the story, but are just for fun (and if Oswin got his, it's only fair that Zahn gets theirs too). That last section of chapter 3 ended up way too long, so it may get adjusted later anyway.

As with any work in progress, I can't guarantee that your old saves will work. That's probably how we are going to have to roll for a bit until I really get things nice and smooth. Eventually, I will add an option to start from a later chapter and go through and make the (MANY) relevant choices to skip ahead. This may be implemented when Chapter 6 is ready to go since all the ROs will be available.

I also want to figure out how to implement named saves to make it easier for you to sort. I appreciate IFs that feature this, but I do not yet know how to do it, but I'm going to research. I like to play through with several MCs, and I'd like to offer enough info in the saves and/or Stats Menu that you can do this and easily know who you are playing as. Let me know what you would like most in the Player Stats Menu too. Note, that some options do not appear here until you choose them in the story.

Coming up…

Since Chapter 4 is down, I will soon be posting a big poll about future IFs. I've been compiling info for it here and there for a couple weeks on possible options for me to write in conjunction with God-Cursed. So, stay tuned for that in the coming days.

I will FINALLY get to my inbox in earnest as well! I will keep reaction asks paused until further notice since they take me the longest to answer. Feel free to still send in comments or quicker questions. If your question is too spoilery to answer, I will not be able to post about it.

Anyway, hope you are all doing well! I can't wait to see what you think of chapter 4. I hope you enjoy it. I'll get it out just as soon as I feel comfortable enough with it. ^_^

[reasonsforhope]

How can I stay positive regarding the wildfires?

It can be really hard in the face of so much destruction. I don't know how much anyone can specifically stay positive in the face of disasters like this -

but I can give you some thoughts about how to let hope live alongside everything else you're feeling about this, and how to avoid spiraling and remember that this is not proof that we're doomed.

Possibly relevant note lol is that I've lived my whole life in California, so suffice to say figuring out how to move forward among the consequences and destruction of massive wildfires is something I'm definitely not new to.

I remember walking to my classroom in elementary school, about 20 years ago now, and it was literally snowing ash around me. This too shall pass.

Take a few deep breaths. I know it's cliche but it's also important

Zoom out in terms of perspective: Wildfires can make the sky look apocalyptic (like I said, I have lots of experience with this!), but they are regional, and they always end. These wildfires are awful but this specific wave of fires is happening in just one country in a huge, huge world. There's far more land that isn't burning

Canada is about to get substantial international aid in fighting the wildfires - there are already 200 additional firefighters headed over from the US and France, and Canada (Quebec specifically) is also already in talks with Costa Rica, Portugal, and Chile about additional firefighters/resources. Help is on the way and these numbers really will make a big difference, and as the disaster continues (unfortunately it is uh...pretty early in fire season), more help will be sent. People are doing what they can to help, because in the face of disaster, that's what we're wired to do

There are actually MUCH better fire management plans than just about anyone is using, esp in North America but that we COULD implement and increasingly WILL going forward. A lot of the wildfire situation these days is because of the West's incredibly wrongheaded derision toward traditional Indigenous land and ecosystem management practices, including cultural prescribed burns that keep massive wildfires from happening. California in particular is already partnering with several First Nations to revive prescribed burns, to significant success. As fires continue to be terrible, more and more places will get on board with this. We can and will implement practices that will truly change our situation

Cultural burns work because, ironically, the reason for the wildfires is that "is that we've been so good at putting out every fire possible that it has led to overly dense forests and a buildup of burnable material like branches and dry vegetation" that makes wildfires much worse in a number of ways. At lower intensity, however, as with cultural burns, forest fires can actually have huge environmental benefits

Finally, every time a natural disaster happens like this, as awful and destructive as they are, it serves as a wake-up call for thousands of people and adds both ever-mounting urgency and ever-mounting evidence to the importance of fighting climate change, which really does translate into action. For a lot of people, "saving the environment" feels super distant - but you know what feels super immediate? Saving their homes from burning down (or getting flooded or otherwise destroyed, etc. etc.) In 2021, the UN ran the world's largest climate survey, across 1.2 million people and 50 nations, and almost TWO-THIRDS SAID THAT CLIMATE CHANGE IS A GLOBAL EMERGENCY THAT WE NEED TO WORK HARDER TO ADDRESS. Imagine that 10 years ago! That other third of people aside, this really is real and massive progress

Also, every time there's a big disaster like this, climate change deniers look more and more baldly ridiculous. Think about it: How often did you hear US Republicans bullshitting about climate change denial 10 years ago? And how often do you hear them doing it now? In fact, there's increasing evidence that Republicans really are shifting on climate change (mind you they're managing to do it in an obnoxiously somehow pro-fossil-fuel way, but it's still a major sea change). Some of them are literally calling for a clean energy transition, and Kevin McCarthy himself (guy in charge of the US House right now) created a task force for to a conservative climate change agenda that acknowledges climate change is real. There's now a conservative climate conference that does active lobbying and a House Conservative Climate Caucus, which somehow has SIXTY MEMBERS. Again, something that would've been unimaginable just six or seven years ago.

Every acre that the fires burn this year is an acre that's pretty guaranteed to not burn next year, for what that's worth. (And I do think it's worth mentioning, esp with such a high number of acres)

The battles are going to be hard, but I truly believe that even the ones we lose often bring us closer to winning the war.

Fires burn, but life always grows back.

[blakbonnet]

AUTHOR OF THE WEEK: @saltpepperbeard

The second featured author of this week is the lovely, loquacious, and truly the best bestie anyone could have: Jodi ♥️ I don't know how she does it but Jodi's fics are fast becoming my most comfortable corner of ao3 to be in because she just has such a way with words, and I do think we should all let her write s3 😌 I also annoyed her into answering some questions for me and sharing her writing process:

What's your writing process like? Do you start with the beginning or the end? Do you write in order or as the scenes come to you?

So I *used* to write sequentially, ie from beginning to end, but the process has gotten more and more chaotic over the years—unhinged, one might say lol! Now, I typically start things off by drafting sections of a story, which ends up being a lot of dialogue more often than not. Like, there are *definitely* some wips in my drafts right now that are almost 100% Stede and Ed talking and nothing else lol (which I mean...staying true to their characters there if you ask me)! Then, if a bit of good description comes to me, I'll pencil that somewhere into the draft, too. And only *then* lol, if things are feeling right and the motivation is feeling high, will I actually attempt to write in sequential order—essentially just playing "fill in the blanks" and writing towards things I've drafted to mix everything all together!

...But sometimes my brain does still fast-forward and write future sections if the good ol' "shower/going to bed daydreams" strike. So it really just depends lol!

My 2014 writing brain, in Ed's voice: You are improving though! Kinda.

Favourite trope or headcanon you like to explore while writing?

...Squints at my tags on AO3 lol. If you see that almost *all* of my stories are hurt/comfort, no you don't <3. I just absolutely adore taking all the hurt Ed and Stede have gone through and soothing it with cuddles, kisses, and soft reassurances. Because man, *man,* have they both been through a lot. It's like Pandora's Box lol; once you start digging into the true depths of their hurt, you just end up with more and more and MORE. There's just so much that they both need and *deserve* to talk through as a crew—or talk through as a "two," as some have said lol, so I adore exploring that. I adore allowing them to have that space and that safety. *Particularly* with Ed getting to unpack things he faced in the earlier parts of Season 2, and with Stede getting to unpack...*anything.*

Also, because I write entirely in-universe, I'm a big fan of implementing some of the common, lovely headcanons. Ie, the crew coming to visit, the two of them maintaining a garden, the British never finding them, etc etc. I know not all of my published works reflect those, but a lot of my drafts do, promise lol!

Whose voice is easier to write - Ed or Stede? Why?

I *still* feel like I'm trying to nail down that ✨ kiwi cadence,✨ not going to lie lol! But, in sitting with this question and sort of going back and forth on it for a while, I think I'm ultimately going to have to land on Stede in most instances. Maybe because I'm one of the ✨ Stede-coded Girlies (gn)✨ , or maybe because I adore Ed so much and subsequently find it easier to gush over him narratively lol! But yeah.

Strangely enough though, I will say I find it easier to write Ed's voice when he's dealing with hurt, vs writing Stede's voice when he's dealing with hurt. I think that's because Ed is more open with his pain, and deals with it in more candid ways, whereas Stede likes to bottle things up and hide. So, it's subsequently harder to crack him open and let out everything that has backed up.

Your personal favourite thing you've written that you'd like more people to read

-Ed voice- Oooowaaaagggh.

Is coming to the table with two stories cheating? Because, I have two lol! I'm very proud of Scrumptious, and also Lovers of Beauty. The former because it was an idea that had been sitting in my head *forever* and I'm so happy it finally got realized, and the latter because it was my first go at writing other characters as well as an exploration of a very particular vein of Ed's hurt. Can't go wrong with Horny Stede and Ed in a dress either, I'd say lol!

What is the one word that you think you use a lot?

Lmao: INTERTWINED. I feel like it's shown up in almost every single story I've written post-season 2, if not *every* single story. I'm just a big fan of throwing their canon quotes in my narration, with the "breathing the same air" and "love letter" speeches getting the most mileage. OH and also Stede's mermaid speech, too; "I'm here. I'm here. You're safe" assuredly gets thrown into the mix as well lol.

Also uhhhh, on a sillier note, I'd definitely say that the good' ol "fuck" gets a lot of usage lol! Ed and I 🤝 enhancing many a sentence with it.

Do you have a beta reader? Have they made you a better writer?

I do not! We die like the Badmintons.

I instead rely on myself for the long and tedious part of my process I call "combing." Ie, going over my last draft with a fine tooth comb to catch typos or any other silliness to the best of my ability.

Would I benefit from a beta reader? Probably, yes. Would I spook from having a beta reader? Probably, yes PFFF. So, combing it is!

Why OFMD 🥹

God, this show. GOD, this show. I just take such a deep and personal comfort in it for so many reasons. I think the two things that snagged me initially were: getting to see queer people just *being,* and getting to see *older* people finding love. The way that this show portrays us in such a natural, lovely light is so, so refreshing. It's like how Taika has often talked about it; there's no triumphant "coming out" type moment, there's no sensationalizing anything, and there's no spotlight on the queerness. It just...*is.* Everyone just loves whoever the hell they want, and there's no questioning or even discussing the implications of that. And I adore that. I adore the *freedom* of that. It just makes the show feel all the more personable and cozier, too.

Also, man, to see older queer people finding love...I'm going to be vulnerable on main here; I don't have a lot of relationship experience, and I'm nearing my 30's. Western Society/Culture puts this *huge* pressure on people to find the love of their life and have it all figured out by their low/mid 20's, so not fitting that norm has been quite the gut stab for me. And yes yes, I know, it's all entirely fabricated and no one has the same timeline, but it still aches to see, particularly when a lot of media portrays love within that age group, if not *younger.*

So, to see these two men nearing *50* finally finding each other after a life of emptiness and pain? To see them finally finding the person who understands them better than anyone else? And to subsequently get the comfort that somewhere, sometime, you'll cross paths with someone who just *gets* you? Ooooagh.

I think that plays into another part of the show that I adore, too. Ie, the theme that "things are going to be okay." That, no matter how dark and dreary things may seem in the moment, you could still have your mermaid moment, and subsequently end up in a cozy little inn with the love of your life. That there's so much kindness and hope and *love* awaiting you.

It's just so comforting on so many levels and I adore it with all my heart. It's a shame that CERTAIN execs and people equivalent will never be able to understand the depth and the importance; they're entirely, truly missing out.

Please head over to @ofmdlovelyletters (who also made the header) and send your love to all your favourite authors (and authors of the week 😈 watch that blog for some special letters coming your way)

[phanyu]

Not to be overly negative, but I actually feel like it's the opposite of a wedding or a hard launch. I get the feeling they're setting us up for a bait and switch the same way they (sort of) did with ii. They lured us in with the promise of "giving the people what they want", just so they could get us all in a room and make us take a hard look at ourselves and our behavior. II wasn't very successful at this because it was all over the place, but maybe they'll actually be able to make a coherent point with TIT.

hmmm this is interesting! i dont think im totally on the same page though because the whole marriage breadcrumbs thing is sort of, by nature, built upon plausible deniability? if you told anyone who doesnt keep up with dnp about all the little marriage coincidences (and i have) and what you think they mean theyd look at you like you were crazy lol (and they did). it's sort of different to, for example, the tour breadcrumbing where they were directly saying they have something in the works, and at the same time making wink wink nudge nudges to their past/possible future tours. and like you mentioned with ii, "giving the people what they want" was literally the shows tagline, even if the way it was implemented wasnt quite as generous as it sounds. the phweddingspiracy though sort of reminds me of when they look back at their old content and are like "oh we were soft launching the gay there". it's a very consciously lowkey reference that they KNOW their casual audience will brush over, can be taken as clearly a joke if need be, but they know their dedicated fans will pick up on as a pattern because thats the way theyve always done this back and forth communication thing.

also i dont think theyre going to tread the same ground as ii thematically in fact i think it's sort of the opposite perspective on it? by which i mean. this is sort of how im reading it:

tatinof: hahah, we are your dolls, play with us! lets make stories!

ii: we are dolls to you but how can we make YOU feel about that?

tit: we are your dolls but how do WE feel about that?

[bleue-flora]

Ya know, it's occurred to me from watching the way c!Dream talks about c!Tommy being trapped in there with him. He sounds not just glad to have company, but also like optimistic, if that makes sense. Like the "We have tons of time to bond," [46:17], "You're stuck in here with me, whether you like it or not. Okay? Whether you like it or not you're in here with me for a while. We're gonna talk. We're gonna have lots of fun. We’re gonna have lots of fun. Remember–remember when we had fun together, c!Tommy? Remember when we had fun together?–” [46:45], and the "I've changed. I’ve changed. I’ve changed–" [47:19]. He doesn’t say it in a malicious, threatening way, which certainly would be expected of him. I mean, the person who imprisoned you is now imprisoned with you, as the big bad guy that seems like some torture opportunity to me (it is the torture box after all lol ;D), but that’s not what he’s suggesting. No, he sounds adamant about change, about bonding, about talking things through. And given that the TNT Ranboo sets off to get c!Tommy trapped was a part of c!Dream’s plan, it’s very interesting that that would be his response. In fact, it’s almost as if he trapped c!Tommy in order to force them to reconcile, which very much aligns with a theory I’ve actually had for a while - what if the plan to put himself in the prison was about restoring his image.

He was renowned as the villain and everyone was after him and anyone associated with him. They all wanted his head, either because of fear or to be seen as some powerful hero who slayed the big monster. Even in the time of peace, they were plotting to kill him. All while he really just wanted peace and friendship, but he can’t exactly have that when everyone hates him and wants to kill him. Sure, he could seclude himself like Techno, but he didn’t want that. He wanted to be back in the fold.

And he doesn’t want to die, but clearly, they were never going to be satisfied until they destroy him. So, he lets them, and he forms a plan for him to be redeemed in the eyes of the server. He makes a prison so they can defeat him and he gets to live. And he makes the conditions horrible so they a) don’t suspect it was his plan and b) so they feel satisfied with his punishment. He makes it super secure so a) people can’t just get in to kill him, b) so they won’t suspect he’s there willingly (he’s very powerful after all), and everyone can feel safe from him. But he implements an extensive visitor system ("I just don’t want to ever be alone.") so now people can feel safe enough to visit him, and without weapons being involved, work through their issues. The idea being that everyone can come talk to him (which they were too scared or angry to do before) and see how he’s not so scary after all. So, that they then can ultimately release him and he can be a part of society again, now that he’s changed. The prison than was a way to de-villainize himself, so he was no longer the enemy.

Meaning, his favor with c!Techno was a backup plan, and that’s why he didn’t set up a system to get the message to c!Techno sooner, he planned on being let out. He just didn’t plan for things to go so wrong and for people to be so cold…

[eybefioro]

Weekly fic rec, by yours truly...

Even after all this, you still have time. It's cold, but soon enough, the season will change. We watch the snow fall, the days going by. We share stories, we get warm by the fireplace. There's still time, and there's still your favourite restaurant down the road. There's still your favourite show, there's still the hug from a loved one. There's still everything that makes time worthwhile.

on the same page by Chekhov

Rated E, ~118k words.

My tags: satisfying, entrancing, hopeful.

Summary

Aziraphale Z. Fell is a rising star of the spiritual literary genre - the next Eat Pray Love guy - and his version of Chicken Soup For the Christian Soul is flying off the shelves. It's not that he's not grateful, but it's one thing to enjoy a career in writing and another completely to be pigeonholed into a specific genre, so much so that you are almost forbidden from writing anything else. So yes, maybe he has a bit of a secret. An outlet for his less... appropriate urges. And yes, if his typical readership got word of the sort of paragraphs he could put out on a particularly inspired night, they might suffer some form of heart attack typical for their age. But all of that is well hidden, and there is absolutely no way anyone would ever find out about his Arrangement with A.J. Crowley - the most debaucherous romantic fiction author of the decade. That is... until they have to pretend to be married to each other.

I love me some long human AU. I love to read these long ones and let myself just fall into the story, see how everything develops, really dedicate some time to it, and immerse myself in this new universe. See the characters that we know so well in a complete different context but still being somewhat the same.

And this one does it so, so well. Crowley and Aziraphale are so true to their characters in this fic, and it's spun in such a way that even though it's a completely different background and situation, it's still so them. It's still the same story. Still the same absurd longing and dancing around that we see, and that's so wonderful! Idk how the author did it, but it's so impressive. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's necessary to be accurate to the characters for a fanfic to be good. I feel like in every fic, they will be different, and that's GOOD. Fandom is a sandbox for us to play in. Nonetheless, I will say it again, this fic is impressive in that sense; their motivations, their story, their situation, the way they talk, how they think... it's very true to them. Besides that, the characters are all so well written. They feel real.

I love how the story is told. You don't get the whole picture at first, you don't understand their whole situation and relationship. You get feed details slowly, in the moments where they are needed, and just by the end you actually are able to sit and see it all. It's so engaging, and makes you understand both points of view. Why and how they endured all this time, all this longing.

Also, the thing about both of them being authors and writing each others books, and meeting through fanfiction? That was so genius. It scratched my brain so well. It's just so fitting, the whole arrangement is so well constructed. Aziraphale’s relationships with Gabriel, church and family is so well described. You can really get his way of thinking, and the choice he and Crowley constantly make to Not Talk About It, the one that makes you want to shove them in a room and make them fucking communicate, is... is totally understanble by the end. I was like, yeah, if I was in this situation I'd probably do the same, even if it makes me mad. I could relate a lot to Aziraphale and understand his thinking (although that may not be a surprise lol).

On that note: the use of the fake marriage trope is so well implemented and fits with the characters in the story in such a way that is uncanny. It really feels like something they'd think it's reasonable to do. This is such a idiotXidiot story it's infuriating in the best fucking away. It's so in sync with both seasons of the show, and it was written before season 2! But don't worry they end up together. It's like the author spun that and actually gave some closure, and made them fucking talk LMAO

Also, this fic deals with some sensitive topics, especially homophobia and its consequences, but it's done in such a sensible manner. Yes, they face some pretty bad shit (especially Aziraphale in the past), but they aren't told in a violent (?) manner? Like, the violence is not romanticised, it's not there for us bawl over. The characters deal with it and are triumphant in the end. They are resilient and strong, and even if they suffer because of homophobia, they get to rebuilt their lives and be happy. They get their good ending, and they win.

The writing in this fic is also incredible. I metaphors are delicious, the way the feelings are described, and how everything develops. It's just such a good read, keeping you on your toes. It's funny, it's sad, it's infuriating (as I said before, in a good way), it's hopeful, it's beautiful, it's hot. It's many things at the same time, but above all, it's satisfying. It makes you go through all those emotions with the characters, but by the end, you get to see them happy, free, and communicating. It's delightful writing. Really. There are some paragraphs that I will be thinking for a long time because they hit HARD.

This fic is like balancing craving and indulgence, like having a bar of chocolate that you just eat a little piece every day, because you want to make it last, only to then notice that you can buy more if you want to. It's like a good, deserved piece of cake that tastes like happiness.

[candiid-caniine]

I'm in a position where I can't really get any sex toys, specifically for insertion and that's like 90% of what I need and I need something and idk what to do I'm going insane. Do you know anyone who makes like, under cover toys or know of any at least temporary solution Oh Bug with your infinite horny knowledge I pray thee, I need to be full and there's nothing to be full of

ahahaha this made me giggle! i can't promise to have infinite horny knowledge, but i will try my best to help. it's a travesty whenever a sweetheart out there in the world has to be empty <3

note: i'm working off the assumption you're talking about a vagina; if not, i apologize, but i don't think i'd feel comfortable recommending anal toy substitutes anyway due to the higher safety risk!

first, let's talk about materials if your best bet is household items:

top of the list in terms of safety is glass. i'd also say steel, but household objects made of steel aren't necessarily made of body-safe steel/surgical steel, so glass is really my top pick. it's non-porous, can be infinitely sanitized and re-used, and has some fun things you can do with temperature play too ;)

second favorite is gonna be plastic. it (and any other material) is 100% safe for insertion WITH a barrier like a condom, but if you can't get those for similar reasons you can't get a sex toy, use plastic sparingly; it is porous, so it can trap bacteria, which...i'll be honest here. i've never heard of this happening to people, even when they use the same hard plastic toy over and over, if they wash it a lot in between. thousands of people across the world have used a hairbrush handle, one of those 10-color pens (lol ask me how i know), and other items available to a kid in their teenage years. often repeatedly. my theory: yes, plastic can trap bacteria...but it's mostly gonna be bacteria from your body, and unless you're switching holes, i think the risk of that bacteria being non-benign is low; additionally, if you're washing it immediately afterwards and storing it in a safe place, the risk of it coming into contact with external bacteria is also low. regardless, it's safest to think of plastic as a temporary solution, and to replace it fairly often. good news is it tends to be cheap!

third best bet: a vegetable in a condom. could never do this bc i hate wasting food. could also never do this bc i was in a similar situation to you at the time, and in my case i couldn't get condoms, and no way was i putting pesticides up my vag!

i know it may seem weird that i'm putting silicone last. it should be first. food-grade silicone is probably insertion-safe, but the reason it's last on the list is that it's hard to find food-grade silicone items in the right shape lol.

now for some ideas of common items that might work/be easily concealable or explainable:

those big bubble wands (plastic). empty them out first lmao. make sure the bottom of the tube, where it was likely cut from the assembly line, doesn't have any weird rough edges. bonus points that you can put a bullet vibe in it if you have one, and if it's too light to fuck satisfyingly, try putting something heavier inside :)

the world of guasha and acupressure massage implements is wide and varied lol. from amazon, here is a steel one that's plain and simple. if you like odd shapes, here's whatever this is.

one of the pitfalls of household insertables is the shape; they're often ramrod-straight, which a vagina isn't, and rigid, so they don't bend to you. if you're confident in your pelvic floor strength, i recommend these guys! you may not exactly be able to fuck yourself with them, but they're an excellent way to feel full :)

check out the handle on this dude. is this anything? hell if i know lmao.

i've found pervertables on amazon before by just searching "[material] tools" or "[material] [shape]" or just in general typing in the material, then clicking around in random sections of Amazon and seeing what pops up! i've also found them by just wandering around stores and looking at objects in the context of what they'd feel like inside me, or being used to hit me, etc.

now for some actual, purpose-made toys that are discreet from Etsy:

carrot lmao. it's expensive, and i think primarily meant for anal insertion, but there you have it.

here's a simple but effective idea. why sacrifice good, plain function when you could just hide it well instead?

toy disguised as a paperweight with a DP option :)

i guess you could reasonably claim that this one was a gag gift or something. maybe get one of those little silicone hand puppets shaped like a real dino head and put it on there when you're not using it.

tis the fucking season!

dear lord. this is how i used to hide my weed lol. listen, i'm begging you, at least once it would be so funny to pretend this dog is a representation of me and i'm holding ur dick for you and looking at u with them sad puppy eyes okay?

hear me out, stay in this space with me; consider just hiding your dildo really effectively. here / are / some / really neat stash boxes i found on etsy. afaik the teddy ones are easy to diy; i made mine by cutting a hole in the bum of a big old stuffed pig i had and packing in my entire weed jar and then refilling it lol.

i hope this helped, or at least gave you some ideas! thank you for asking! <33

[purplesurveys]

1936

[sarajade @ bzoink]

What were you doing one hour ago? I was in the car at the parking lot of the mall we were at, waiting for my family to finish shopping. I wasn't in the mood to stroll + besides, it's Halloween weekend so the mall was fucking packed with kids asking for candy and running about...I couldn't handle the energy LOL so I asked permission to go ahead in the car, where I had no problem waiting for them.

Where were your parents born? My dad was born in a province an hour away from Manila; my mom was born within Metro Manila but I'm not giving away the city.

Have you ever used public transportation to get to work? No, I honestly don't know how to commute. I'm not willing to learn until this country gets their shit together and improves our public transport system. I've booked trips to the office via Grab, though, but that's the closest to commuting that I'm willing to do.

What do you miss the most from before Covid times? Honestly...very little. Society is ever so slightly a lot more slow-paced now, which I feel is an effect of the pandemic that we were all successfully able to carry over into the post-pandemic era. People are a lot more conscious about personal space; we're all a lot more cautious whenever we need to cough or sneeze; most offices follow a hybrid set-up except for the few assholes who've implemented a full RTO...things like that.

If anything I only feel regret that I wasn't able to spend all four years of college onsite.

What has been the best thing to happen to you in the past year? Geez, it would be hard to tell. This year felt like a fucking car crash, but I guess it's also my quarter-life crisis in action. Hm...I like that I saw Seventeen, I like that Jin and J-Hope are back from the military, and I like that I was able to travel to Vietnam. Those three I would say have been the highlights of the last 366 days.

Who do you have listed as emergency contacts in your phone? I don't think I have anyone, but in general I usually list my mom.

Are you prone to jealousy? No, I'm pretty nonchalant these days.

How did you get through the lowest point in your life? I drowned myself in work + discovered BTS.

Have you ever been someone's first love? I think so, yeah.

Have you ever played frisbee golf? Not sure what that is so I'll say no. I casually played frisbee in high school, though.

What is your favorite silly, feel-good movie? 13 Going on 30 :) To be fair, the older I get, the more problematic I increasingly find some of its plot elements to be (Jenna tracking down Matty?? Matty cheating???), but I guess I haven't and can't let go of how cute I found it to be at some point.

How old were you when you got your first gaming console, and what kind was it? I never really got gifted 'my own' console because I was never a gamer to begin with, but the first one I had exposure to was the PS1 just because we already had one when I was born.

Who in your family has the coolest job? I really admire my cousin, who's a teaching assistant in economics at our alma mater.

Is cereal technically a soup? Well, no, it's just milk.

Have you found your first gray hairs yet? They come up every now and then but always irregularly.

What is something that drains your energy really quickly? Unreasonable clients, clients who message on the weekend, clients who have sky-high expectations...you get the route I'm headed.

Did you parents teach you how to make a budget before you moved out on your own? They never taught me anything about money. They've just sort of expected to me to learn on my own, which I guess is not wrong but I do wish I got guided just a little bit.

What is your favorite food to put gravy on? Just fried chicken. I'm not so much a fan of gravy...

Do you know anyone from Canada? I've had a couple of friends/family friends move to Canada. It's a fairly popular country for Filipinos.

What's your opinion on astrology? No.

Do you use TikTok? Yeah but only because it makes up a sizeable portion of my work. I'm constantly working with influencers and digital media, so I need to know who's been getting popular/what the trends are.

What do you have going on the rest of the day? I printed out coloring sheets that I'll be filling out. I'm also gonna play a bit of my rhythm game tonight.

[nebulacollege]

Replies

I wanted to write a big reply, but then realised that I can add a couple of short ones as well. Under the cut there is a more spoiler-y question and my awkward ramble.

Anonymous asked:

When you say Edmund gets more pushy and physical….👀

Ikr? Very hot of him... he’s a terrible combination with all three of the boys, they’ll end up doing many interesting things (unless Liam falls asleep). Niall is a terrible match for him.

Anonymous asked:

I’m imagining Niall pulling out all the stops with flirting and the person purposely playing dumb. Not sure if Edmund would do this but it would be funny

Aw, how rude! Edmund would actually try to ignore all the advances if Niall tries to do something like that, so you’re pretty close! However, as soon as it doesn’t stick, Niall would drop this immediately. He has a very high self-esteem and it’s very humiliating for him to beg for someone’s attention and being desperate, that’s why he’s usually very subtle with his first steps. He also hates being made fun of, and not in an Edmund’s way. He doesn’t want to be in a victim of “point and laugh” types of scenario...

Anonymous asked:

I, too, am the Ultimate Eater 😔

>:3c Now you have to fight for this title!

Anonymous asked:

Is anyone a virgin? How much experience does everyone have?

None whatsoever! Nobody’s even kissed before! It’s more or less a spoiler (? I guess...), so I’ll say that only one of them is not a virgin and has plenty of experience. I’m not going to say who, but it’s super easy to guess. Let’s keep it a secret.

Anonymous asked:

I’m a bit curious, are any of your characters similar to you or ryu? Do they have some of either of your traits?

+

Anonymous asked:

Do you or ryu share any traits in common with the boys? Are there any you’re the most similar to?

There are, although this is kinda awkward to say.

The whole topic of “death” that surrounds Edmund is something that has been bothering me for years, that’s why when creating the character I wanted to make him an embodiment of impending doom. I constantly think about everything disappearing, about how life can go wrong in an instant, about nobody really caring about you and your death, about how you finally die when the last person who knows about your existence also passes away and your traces in life become lost forever, about no life after death, about the death of the people I care about and other fun thoughts that include ending everything (those became slightly better until this year happened, making it almost as bad as it was before), and Edmund’s personality also includes such qualities as giving up and weird ways of self-punishment. He, of course, has other qualities as well, and they influence his actions a lot, but his depressed state is something I want to explore using my own train of thought. Not sure how well it’s going to be implemented, but that’s the idea, at least. There’re also things like being mostly negative about everything, being somewhat provocative and making passive-aggressive statements. He also avoids big groups of people and being a centre of attention. There’s probably more, but that’s what I can think about.

And just in case, he’s not a self-insert or anything! I tried my best to make him his own character, I think I even succeeded in that considering how fun Ryu and I find him to be. He’s an ultimate bottom bitch, which is perfect for our entertainment. These points of self-reflection are just surface level, and I don’t even know how his writing will turn out in the end.

Since I’m also a bottom bitch, none of the other characters are similar to me in any way... 😭

Ryu, obviously, has the most shared qualities with Ned. Well, ryu = dragons, so that’s an easy connection. That’s why their house is built on hierarchies, they follow rules and do other boring things that they find important. Ned is like my love letter to Ryu? Now this whole ordeal sounds even worse lol I swear he’s his own character as well! orz But they do share a lot of traits like being introverted and quiet but still being a part of social situations for some reason, they’re very direct and straightforward, so they don’t really get any hints you throw at them. They’re hardworking and can grind the most tedious work to an insane level out of pure stubbornness. They’re both lawful (neutral lol), so they do follow the rules, but also the only rules they really respect are the ones they have in their head. Everyone should strive to earn their respect, that’s how they judge people. Everything should match their idea of a thing, so they get grouped together. Not to say both of them are rigid or close-minded! Maybe Ned is a little bit like that, but he has time to learn more about the world around him. We used to joke a lot about Ryu liking the “system”, whatever that means (probably the way things are in general), and Ned and his house represent the idea of a strict system as well. They group everyone into categories of being close people and outsiders, basically, and they’re very protective of the people they consider close and are very suspicious of outsiders. They’re also greedy lol

I know Ryu doesn’t sound like that, and all I’ve described doesn’t sound like Ryu at all, which is funny, because Ryu is a genuinely sweet and amicable person. Ned too, tbh. They’re both ISTJ, so that should clear the confusion (?).

These are more of the outlines for Ned, of course, and, same as Edmund, I’m not sure how much of this is going to end up in my boy. It’s more like taking same-ish and familiar concepts of both of us and creating something new in characters and playing with the idea.

Niall’s also hardworking, which is also close to Ryu. He doesn’t give up, and an optimist? That’s what they have in common to some degree.

Liam is just... there. I don’t think he has anything in common to either of us, although his ability to get bored quickly is something I have...

Niall, Ned and Liam are the answer to the “who would be a perfect top for our ultimate bottom?” question.

[remnantsofthepast-if]

Monthly Update - January 2024

​ Hello everyone once again! I hope you've had an amazing start to the year. Whether you celebrated it in a big way or with something much quieter, I hope there was no shortage of food! Now, that's definitely something Enid would say, hehe :D.

---

As for the project, after some unexpected complications, I finally published Chapter 8 a few weeks ago! In the end, it turned out longer than I had planned, but I'm getting used to that happening, hahaha! Now it's time to start writing Chapter 9, the last one of this first act! Initially, this chapter seems like it will flow much smoother than the previous one. I usually have a clear image of how each chapter will go and then create a brief summary. In this case, I've expanded the summary a bit more than I usually do, hoping it will help with the writing process. But of course, part of the beauty of creativity lies in the unexpected, both for the good and the bad, so we'll take it step by step each day.

Man, I can barely believe I've reached the end of Act 1. I'm very excited! For several reasons that I can't reveal yet, tempting as it may be, hahaha! I'll just say I have a surprise prepared that I hope you like :D. Besides that surprise, it will finally be time to implement all the changes I had in mind and fix certain things about the characters and the plot here and there, especially in Chapter 2, which I revisited a few days ago, and... let's just say, to all those who read and understood Rayco/Gara and Enid's explanation, congratulations, because I dumped a lot of unnecessary info there for no reason, lol! It's definitely something that needs fixing, and as I mentioned recently, all these changes and revisions will come out alongside Chapter 9.

Finally, there's something important I want to say about this story. Once Chapter 9 is published, a week later, this first act will be available to buy, and the playable demo will be reduced. I still don't know exactly when the demo will be cut, but I was thinking roughly halfway through the story. However, this has brought a small issue too, which is that I don't know how to export it for mobile. I've been experimenting with the Monaca platform, and it looks interesting, but there's something that doesn't quite convince me :/. I've also thought about switching from Twine to ChoiceScript, but it seems confusing and limiting in terms of customization, and no matter how comfortable it is that Hosted Games handles all distribution and such, it’s just a big no for me at first glance. The good thing would be that at least with ChoiceScript you can export your save files from one book to another, which is something you cannot do with Twine or Renpy. Well... you can, actually, but that involves a lot of programming and coding that I have no idea about and if something goes wrong I wouldn’t be able to solve the issues, so it’d be more of a disadvantage than anything else.

Going back to Renpy would be more viable and comfortable for exporting, as I could maintain a single itch.io page. With Twine, I would have to create one for each act to keep the demos separate, and I’m not sure how to feel about that, to be honest :/.

I don't know, I’m just rambling at this point. These are things I'll have to think about since I don't want it to be confusing when playing Remnants. Anyway, I'll do some tinkering and play around a bit with Renpy to see how it feels, and if I'm not convinced, I guess I'll stick with Twine and add an intro for the player to pick all the important choices from Act 1 before continuing with Act 2. I appreciate any suggestions if anyone has them, though :D.

---

Have a fantastic month and see you at the end of February ;)

By the way, I’m making a few gifts for all of you for February 14! Nothing huge, but a nice detail that I hope you like :D.

[marcarella-pizza]

just wanted to drop by and say thank you for doing the lord's work with those buddy daddies drama cds translations 🙏 i saw you mention that you were worried about translations being recontextualized and that is so true and such an interesting topic btw!!! but for the purposes of this translation i wouldn't worry too much about it, i think you're doing a great job and personally i think any translation we can get is already a HUGE blessing. especially because we wouldn't be able to access the drama cds otherwise since most of us don't speak japanese. so you're literally helping so many people who love this anime to be able to enjoy the cd dramas as well!! anyway just wanted to thank you so much for your hard work!!! it doesn't go unappreciated, trust me. (and if anyone complains about the translations at all let me know and i'll personally have some stern words and shake my fist at them lol)

You guys are honestly so sweet and supportive! Thank you so much for the kind words, I’m not used to such praise so I don’t usually know what to say but seeing everyone’s reactions has been very encouraging!!

I find translation to be interesting, I’m a bit of a literary nerd, in the sense of how a sentence is put together or grammar implements a language’s lexicon. In that regard, I’ve always known that some translations aren’t always accurate (dubs vs subs for example) but to experience the other side as a translator has been an interesting experience.

I’ve been in fandom for many years, and in the beginning, it was very hard to find Japanese exclusive content, so I’m always passionate about sharing the things not necessarily easy to access to all. I like to think I’m pretty resourceful, so I’ll tack on that if anyone ever needs to find something difficult to obtain like dramas, DVD’s, figures etc, I’m more than happy to help source it — it makes me sad to think that others aren’t able to easily access such things, or know where to look when it can actually be fairly easy. And although I’m not perfect at Japanese, I’d like to be able to do what I can!

So thank you anon for the kind words! Thankfully all of the fandom has been so kind as of late, I look forward to sharing the future dramas with y’all in a couple months!

— Oh! Completely random but I plan to sell my first three volumes of the buddy daddies anime (with drama 1 and 2) to anyone outside of Japan (I’d like someone who can’t easily access it to have them) so keep an eye for that post later!

[cosmicdenro]

ever since i got attached to toppats after realizing their family love n other stuff it made me wanna implement the idea on Reg at least that he does not like food being wasted; wanting the best for the clan and caring about the members (at least from what we know from source) I really do like to think he's extremely strict on how to deal with leftover foods and food in general, and very much wants to make sure everyone listens to him when he says to only take how much you'd be able to eat as to waste nothing in breakfast, lunch or dinner.

There could be food shortage days that would wreck Reg bad and immediately put it as a #1 priority to deal with asap so no one ever goes hungry for any longer than needed, but other times where they're good on food he has no limits on how much someone wants to eat but would smack them only if it gets wasted or thrown in the trash when its very much good still lol

i do not think he even lets the clans prisoners get starved but that's just me (one of those "not wish it on my worst enemy" kind of thing, because food's basic survival and it feels gut-wrenching to hear anyone not having enough food even if it's someone you don't like.)

following this he would also absolutely have thorough inspections and checkings done on the food supply he orders in because knowing they're the most infamous clan, the deliveries could be poisoned or tampered with and Reginald wants to make sure he does not slip up in that regard and get the clan killed or starved. Maybe it's never happened before but the paranoia of knowing the many many ways he and his clan could be killed or sabotaged keeps him at his toes and his ever-growing anxiety is the only reason he's still alive to this day zamn!

---

To lessen the anxiety by just a bit, they could have a food garden in the airship and maybe even make their own fertilizers but even then they do eventually have to go out and get supplies for such a large amount of people and go through all the supplies to see if it's safe to use or not.