#if I try to make this to my standards I’ll never feel comfortable posting this

[multiplicity-positivity]

Source Separation for Introjects

Hello - it’s time for me to make a post here based on my own experience. We get asked occasionally how to go about source separation for those who are interested, and in our system, I (Cecil) am the only one who has achieved this to the degree of which I feel confident enough to write this post. So here we go.

I’ll format this in the way we’ve been formatting our other informational posts, because I’m fond of the question-and-answer format.

DISCLAIMER: The information shared here is from our own system’s experience. And particularly my (Cecil’s) experience. No two systems are alike, and further, no two introjects are alike either. What worked for me may not work for you. I am not trying to portray any information as absolute truths - only my experience with source separation as I understand it.

What is a source?

In plural contexts, a source refers to the person, character, concept, or item that an introject is based off of. Introjects are headmates who arrive in their system with an identity already based off of something outside of the system. An introject’s source is whatever they are based off of.

For example, my headmate Ralsei is a fictive based off of the character Ralsei from Deltarune. Therefore, the Ralsei character in the video game is my headmate’s source. My own source is Kim Kitsuragi from Disco Elysium.

What is source separation?

Source separation occurs when an introject aims to distance themselves from their source and form their own identity outside of their source in the process. Source separation can be small, like enjoying an activity or media that your source was never interested in. It can also be greater, like changing your name, appearance, and other identifying features.

Even recognizing that you are not your source - that your source exists outside of yourself and that you are your own person - can be considered source separation. In this way, source separation, even to the smallest degree, can be healthy and beneficial for many introjects.

Why should I separate from my source?

There are a plethora of reasons why an introject may choose to separate from their source. Whether being compared to their source brings them pain or anxiety, they have difficult exomemories to bear, they want to focus on improving themselves or simply wish to have more agency over their lives, there is no clear set of reasons why an introject should separate from their source. The purpose of this post is not to convince introjects that they must separate from their source - rather, my goal is to explain a bit about what source separation means to me.

How do I source separate?

Introjects may distance themselves from their source in a plethora of different ways. No two introjects are alike, so one introject’s method for source separation may not work for another. That being said, here are some ways that I have separated from my source (written with general “you”s).

1. Recognize that you are not your source.

You are not your source physically, mentally, emotionally, or in any other capacity. You exist outside of your source. If your source suddenly vanished or ceased to exist, you would still be here. You are capable of thinking for yourself and making decisions that your source wouldn’t necessarily make. For me, this first step was crucial. For some, this level of source separation is enough for them to live happy lives. In our system, Ralsei is comfortable still identifying as and with Ralsei from Deltarune, while recognizing that they are not literally their source. For me, though, this just hasn’t been enough.

2. Make small changes… consciously.

After I first learned I was a fictive, I found myself drawn towards things that my source was known to enjoy. Once I decided to try and separate from my source, I started branching out with my interests and tried exploring new things without holding myself to the standards set by the character I was based off of.

You might choose to try baking, coding, rock climbing, building puzzles, or anything else that speaks out to you. Don’t let discomfort deter you from trying something new - it’s normal for things outside our comfort zones to be uncomfortable. Experiment with your likes and dislikes, favorite things and activities, and all sorts of things - don’t let your source or your feelings about your source dictate what you’re capable of enjoying. Finding things to be passionate about can not only help you separate from your source, but enrich your life in the process.

3. Make larger changes, and lean into them.

After you’ve managed to find a few ways to distinguish yourself from your source, if you’d like, you can make bigger changes. This may include changing your name, experimenting with your gender and sexuality, altering your appearance, or finding other, lasting ways to make yourself different from your source.

I did this by changing my name and experimenting with my gender. I also am toying with the concept of otherkin, and am questioning if I even experience the world in a human way. While I still use my source’s pronoun set, I also am comfortable with neopronouns, with a keen interest in xe/xem/xers. This is different from my source, who used exclusively he/him pronouns. By steadily making changes about how you behave, view yourself, and interact with the world around you, you can further distinguish yourself from your source and develop into your own individual personhood.

4. Understand personhood is complex and identities are fluid.

You may wake up one day feeling more like your source than other days. This isn’t a sign that you haven’t been successful so far at separating from your source. Progress is not linear, and this goes for those attempting source separation as much as anything else. Be patient with yourself - recognize that making these changes will take some time getting used to. It may take weeks, months, or even years for you to reach a degree of separation from your source that brings you comfort and joy. Please don’t give up if it’s looking hopeless. A little patience and self-compassion can go a long way in this regard.

And there you have it. Of course, in my experience, being able to speak openly about my source separation with my system’s therapist has helped this process go much more smoothly. If you have a therapist in your life, or someone you trust who you can talk to, speaking with them about your process and how your separation is going may be incredibly beneficial. Journalling and keeping track of your progress in other ways can help give you hope when you worry you haven’t been capable of making much change. In the end, it is up to you as an individual to decide how to separate from your source and how much separation you hope to achieve.

Do I have to separate from my source if I don’t want to?

No. While at least some amount of separation is certainly healthy (see: step 1 of “How do I source separate?”), no one should ever be required to separate from their source if they’re not ready or if they don’t want to. This post is not a plea to convince introjects to separate from their sources. Rather, it is a rough guide for those who are already interested in or curious about this process.

Questions or comments may be directed to me, Cecil. Full disclosure, I am in the process of attempting to fuse with another member of my system. Therefore, that member (Margo) has been present with me as I wrote this post. Fusion doesn’t destroy alters, though, so if you have any questions we can still collectively provide a response, even after our fusion. We’re going to be undergoing a name change soon - so if you hear back from Corrie - that’s still me. That is the name Margo and I have chosen for our collective, shared identity.

I hope this post will be beneficial for those who are interested in source separation. Remember to take things slow, don’t hold yourself to unrealistic expectations, and show yourself kindness and compassion along the way. If you want it, source separation is certainly possible! And we wish you all the best as you attempt to distinguish yourself from your source.

(Image ID:) A pale orange userbox with a cluster of multicolored flowers for the userbox image. The border and text are both dark orange, and the text reads “all plurals can interact with this post!” (End ID.)

[seducemefanficsandheadcanons]

Ending Unplanned

Cross posted on Ao3

Minor warning for intrusive thoughts and heated making out

Chapter two- Block me out

But now I only let me down

When there's no one else around

I've been thinkin' way too loud

I wish that I could block me out

Don't know how they see me now

Feeling lost in every crowd

I feel ten feet off the ground

I wish that I could block me out

Block me out- Gracie Abrams

Aron tossed and turned as she laid in bed, her mind whirling in circles and zig-zags over and over again. She couldn’t seem to get comfortable, her clothes pulling in the worst ways, her hair itching her neck, the pain in her limbs, and the loud, inconsistent and unrelenting trail of thoughts in her mind.

Just the noise of her mind was enough to suffocate her.

Harold used to sleep in this bed.

I should check if the stove is on.

But I didn’t even cook! And James and Matthew never leave it on.

What if it is though? I’ll cause the house to burn down.

I wonder if heaven is real.

My face and hands just went numb.

…twenty one…twenty two…twenty three…twenty four…twenty five- wait, did I count twenty three? 

Yes, I did! Back to counting. Twenty- what number was I on?

FUCK!

Mel’s probably pretending to like me out of pity or obligation.

What if Harold can see me right now? Is he with my dad? God, my dad would be so disappointed in me.

My grandparents were right, I probably am faking…

WHY WOULD I THINK THAT!? NO I’M NOT!

I really should go check the stove. But if I check the stove, I’ll forget to keep counting, and something bad will happen. 

If Melody and the boys die, it’ll be my fault.

…that doesn’t even make sense. What does counting have to do with that?

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Aron turned over and groaned into her pillow, trying to drown the sound of her own thoughts. She hoped Damien was already asleep, or that she was far enough away from his room that her thoughts weren’t suffocating him as well. She’d hate to give him a headache because her brain wouldn’t shut up.

She sighed and grabbed her phone off of the nightstand, looking at the time. Twelve thirty a.m. It wasn’t super late by Aron’s standards at least, she usually was up until around five a.m.

She scrolled online for a bit, humming a song softly to herself. Singing always calmed her down; music was certainly a form of therapy for her. It was one of the only things that effectively focused her mind to no more than a few thoughts at a time.

Enthrallment works too, she thought to herself. She shook her head at the thought. 

She wondered when it became normal for her, living with five incubi. She wasn’t entirely sure it was real, a part of her consciousness still felt as if she were dreaming, or as if she died and was simply seeing what her life could have been.

She checked the time again. One thirty already? she thought to herself in shock. An hour had gone by in a blink of an eye.

She sat up with an exasperated exhale. She reached over for a hair tie and put her hair up in a bun, effectively stopping it from touching her neck. Then she stood up and left her room, heading outside.

She felt a wave of relief pass through her when the cool air hit her skin. She took a deep breath as she looked around, shocked to see Erik in the gazebo. He must have heard her come out, because he turned around and smiled. “Hello, princess.”

She waved. “Hey, whatcha doin’?” she asked curiously.

“Just enjoying the sky. It’s a beautiful night,” he answered. “Would you like to join me?”

“Sure,” Aron said with a soft smile, walking over to the gazebo. She leaned against the rail and looked around. “You’re right, it’s really nice out here.”

He nodded in agreement. “What are you doing up so late? Is everything alright?”

“When am I not up late?” she countered with a soft giggle.

“I suppose that’s fair,” he chuckled.

“Yeah. I just have a lot of energy,” she explained.

“Oh? Well, I could always assist with that,” he mused, giving her a small seductive smirk.

Aron’s jaw dropped slightly as she looked up at him with an amused but shocked look. After a second she let out a soft giggle. “Can’t even lie, that was smooth as hell.”

He laughed. “I serve to please.”

“Hm. I dunno Erik, I’m starting to think you’re all bark no bite,” she teased.

“Hm? Would you like me to prove it, then?” Erik said back.

She felt her face warm up as she giggled shyly. “Yeah actually, I would,” she said, her tone serious enough to show she wasn’t just joking around.

At her words, Erik moved closer to her, his arms caging her against the fence. “As my princess commands,” he murmured as his purple eyes turned gold, his magic slowly easing into her. She’d been under the feeling of his magic at least a dozen times, but it never felt to cause a shiver run down her spine.

“Squeeze my arm if you’d like me to stop,” he told her before leaning in, leaving a small space between them and allowing her to close the distance herself.

The kiss was soft at first, but quickly became heated. Aron let out a soft hum against his lips, her hands gently pulling him closer by the ends of his shirt. Erik playfully nipped her bottom lip at the action, causing her to moan into the kiss and bite back.

His hands found her waist, pulling her body closer to his. His tongue slid against hers as her hands wrapped around his neck. She could feel his magic coursing through her, her energy pulling from her lips to his. 

Warmth pulled in her stomach and down to in between her legs as she began leaving heated kisses down his jaw. He groaned when she gently nipped his ear, his loose grip on her waist tightening slightly. Aron giggled softly at the feeling, trailing the kisses down his neck.

Their lips crashed again, the kiss deep and hot. Despite the night being chilly, Aron’s entire body felt hot.

However, she could also feel herself becoming tired from the energy drain. She began slowing down the kiss as she moved her hand down to his bicep and gently squeezed. At the signal, the enthrallment disappeared and they parted.

“Are you alright?” he asked her softly, voice breathless.

Aron closed her eyes as she caught her breath, fighting the urge to fall asleep right there, standing up. “Mhm…’M sleepy.”

“Let's get you to bed, then, Princess,” he told her, slowly picking her up.

She nodded and let him, resting her head against his shoulder. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Erik said back, beginning to walk them into the mansion. Aron fell asleep before they could reach her room.

When Aron woke up the next morning, she felt surprisingly refreshed. She stretched her arms as she sat up, looking around her room as she recalled the night before. She blushed slightly at the memory.

She looked at the time, seeing it was only nine in the morning. She smiled to herself, it was early enough for her to go to dance class. Because of her health, she’d had to quit her daily private lessons, but she still went to any group classes she felt well enough for. Being as it was Tuesday, there would be an acrobatic and contortion class, one of her specialties as she was extremely flexible.

Aron quickly took a shower and changed into her dance wear, putting on a baggy pair of sweats and a large t-shirt over it. She put her hair up into a bun, looking at herself in the mirror. I need to redye my hair, she thought to herself, seeing the dirty blonde roots showing. She contemplated what color to do next as she walked out to the kitchen.

“Wow, you’re up before noon?” she heard Melody tease. 

Aron giggled and sat by her at the dining table, the smell of breakfast hitting her nose. “Yep. I have dance class today.”

“Oooh, fun,” Mel said with a smile. “Do you need a ride there? I can drop you off on the way to work.”

“You don’t have to, I was just gonna call an uber,” she said.

Melody huffed. “Girl, I’ll just drive you.”

She grinned and thanked her. Damien sat down at the table next, on the other side of Aron. Sam came in soon after.

“You seem well rested,” Damien mused. “Did you sleep well last night?” The smile on his face was teasing.

Aron blushed and began giggling. “I did.”

Melody raised a brow. “What? What is it?”

Damien hummed. “Nothing, really. Aron just spent some time with Erik last night.”

“Oh my go- shut up,” she told him as she dissolved into laughter, gently nudging him, earning a chuckle from the incubus.

Melody gasped. “What did you do with him?” she asked with an amused look.

“Nothing more than usual,” she murmured in response, her tone hushed.

As the teasing ensued, Aron felt eyes on her. She looked around the room, her eyes meeting Sam’s for just a second. She felt something stir in her gut.

However after just a second, his gaze snapped down to his phone, a faint blush on his cheeks. She looked at him for a second before shaking her head and looking back to the others. 

She ate breakfast with the group before leaving with Melody for dance class.

[practical-onion]

I do commissions!!!

A few people have been asking so I wanted to make an official post about my commissions here!

I basically offer two main variations, one being painterly art (pictured below with alt text)

And the other is my stylized rendering! (all pictured below with alt text)

My preferred payment style is a standard half-upfront and half-upon-completion model. I can draw NSFW and gore, but please be aware that any commissions (nsfw or not) can be rejected at my discretion for my own safety or comfort!! That being said, I don’t feel I have specific boundaries to really outline here so if you’re unsure about something, please reach out! You can dm me here, submit an ask, or even fill out this google form to share with me all the general/basic information I need first!

My preferred platform for receiving payment is PayPal, but if you have an alternative you have to use, please let me know and we can try to work something out.

Never is it okay to use my art to feed ai, commissioned or otherwise

Lastly, I would love to draw OCs or Canon Characters (or both together!) Most people on this blog know my Hetalia art, but I’m in lots of other fandoms too, and even if I’m not in yours, I’ll do my best to do right by your blorbos!!

[my-castles-crumbling]

To Swiftie anon

Responding like this is I can put a "read more" under the TW

TW: SI

hi cas! Swiftie anon btw. Sorry I haven’t messaged in a while, I got grounded for waking up too late for like a week, and I’ve been having standardized testing so I wanted to sleep a little earlier the past few nights, so I’ve been binging your posts. anyway, I’ve been feeling better recently, the day I got grounded was really, really bad for me, and I couldn’t text the hotline, so…yeah. My brother helped a lot, calming me down, but I started hyperventilating again, and started digging my nails into my skin again. The first few days of being grounded were rough, and I really just wanted everything to end. I couldn’t come up with anything to do bc I was basically cut off from the world, I couldn’t listen to music, or watch anything to comfort me.

I think not having as many things to distract me also makes me feel a lot worse and, you know, my parents calling me stupid and saying I’ll end up alone doesn’t help either.

I did end up reading 20-ish books last week, which is insane bc that’s like 3 books a day. I’ve been doing better bc escapism and I’ve actually been working on some wips which I haven’t done in months.

I’ve been texting the hotline whenever I feel too down, but there’s going to be a new Taylor album in a few days, and I’m already feeling the dopamine hit. overall, I’m doing better, I’ve been having problems with my (self-diagnosed) anxiety, and I’ve started hyperventilating a lot more, but that might be my asthma and allergies acting up.

I’ll try to message more often, bc I kinda need this, and hearing from you is nice, you can tell me if it annoys you.

what track of the tortured poets department are you most excited for?

Hi, hon!

I'm so glad to hear from you! <3 I SO happy that you've been texting the hotline and talking to your brother, that makes me so proud of you! I know it can be so hard to reach out for help, so to do that is a really big deal. You should be proud of yourself, too <3

You are ALWAYS welcome to message me, it's never annoying. Just remember if I don't get back to you right away to try to use that hotline for help, so you can continue taking care of yourself, because your safety is most important, okay?

I think I'm most excited for I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) because...relatable. And also The Black Dog because Marauders.

Sending you love <3

[ttcalzz]

Doing this all at once!!

Warning ‼️ novel below

1. Stats

Cw: 143.5lbs 🥲

hw/sw: 165lbs 😧

ugw: 127lbs

2. Height: 5’ 8”. And I would say I do like my height!

3.

I loveeee how small her waist is and how all around slim and toned she is!! She’s also my height so it makes pics of her even more motivating!

4. I really don’t wanna lose my ass 😭😭 I barely have one to begin with! Also I’m scared I’ll slow my metabolism down so I can’t maintain my ugw

5. I am losing weight for me. I want to lose weight because I’m tired of feeling a double chin when I look down, or having to wear “control top” (barf) leggings under skirts so they look right. I want to be totally confident and comfortable in the body I carve out for myself.

6. I do binge sometimes, mostly out of a sense of loss of control. When I’m really in a tailspin, and I can’t focus, food fills the void. I always feel worse.

7. My parents do not know! They know I’ve had an 3d “in the past” so I am keeping this very much under wraps

8. I don’t really have a routine per say, I just do whatever I feel like doing, but I usually do something like

- Clamshells (60 seconds each side)

- 80 squats

- 30 lunges (each side)

- bridges until failure for 2 sets and then pulse and hold until failure for one set

- 3 supersets of 10 reg crunches, 10 crunches w legs in an L shape, 10 crunches with legs straight up, and 15 leg raises.

- 10 pushups (as many standard as possible, then assisted/on knees)

- 60 second plank

- Stretching

9. Kinda. The earliest I can remember is being veryyy little in the pool with my little sister and her asking why my belly was bigger than hers. I didn’t even know what fat meant at that point but it hurt like hell. When I was a little older, I remember my grandma giving me advice on losing belly fat ☹️ like girl pls. My family has commented negatively on my weight loss before though, my dad is convinced I’m “super skinny” and “need to put some weight on”. I’m literally completely healthy?? Girl bffr.

10. The hardest thing? Probably how weak I feel. I know that’s just the way losing weight goes, and it does validate me, but I’ve always been rly strong so losing some of that muscle mass as I lose weight has been hard bc I can’t do as much as I was able to before. Planning to pack muscle on as much as possible anyways bc it makes you look skinnier

11. My fav th!nsp0 blog is probably @c0ke-zer0 , the stuff they post is so motivating 🥰

12. Lately, I’ve been drinking a lot of Fairlife protein shakes (chocolate flav my beloved) and eating saltines w hot sauce (I know it’s weird but it works). I also really enjoy salads, fruit, dumplings, rice, and 0 cal energy drinks. I will eat pretty much anything, I don’t really have fear foods, I just eat a very small portion and try to eat the most of whatever is lowest calorie/highest protein

13. I’m definitely not losing weight in a super healthy way, but it isn’t the worst? I’m hoping to actually maintain my UGW afterwards so I don’t wanna totally fuck my body up rn.

14. My ugw is around 125-130, I know weight fluctuates and my actual ugw is like 128 but it’s never gonna be exactly that every day. I’m hoping to reach it before the end of November! I only have like 13.5 lbs to go!!

15. Nope! I am not vegan or vegetarian, and I don’t think I could do either. Chicken and tuna are such good low cal/high protein foods, I could never give them up.

16. The first time I ever remembered really wanting to lose weight was when I was around 15? My best friend had an 3d and I remember googling it to see what it was and finding tumblr and…. It was all downhill from there 😭 can’t believe I’ve been dealing w this shit for so long bro I need to lose the weight and get tf out.

17. I am not diagnosed with any eating disorders butttt I definitely have disordered eating? If I were to get diagnosed it would probably be something along the lines of 4n@ or 0rthø

18. Anything salty and crunchy 🥹🥹 I will go through a whole bag of takis so fast it’s not even funny. Been avoiding chips as much as possible for this. Also candy if it’s just around? I used to have a really bad habit of just eating mindlessly. I don’t even have a sweet tooth idk why I wouldn’t just control myself. That’s not really any issue anymore tho

19. I work at a fast food-ish place, but I didn’t really eat my last shift so I guess it would have been about 2 weeks ago? Usually when I get something from there I steer clear of the “fast food” offerings and take a banana or a yogurt.

20. My favorite diet is high protein, under 1000 cals. After that idc, I try to eat more healthy than junk foods, but like I said I’ll pretty much take one bite of anything.

21. Clothing sizes

Pants: 4 💔

Shirt: small

Dress: small/medium

I always buy sweatshirts and stuff in xxxl sizes though.

22. My lowest weight was 138 lbs. it was right before a family vacation, so I couldn’t get away with not eating. I ended up gaining back some of the weight and then “recovering” aka gaining all the weight back only to be unhappy and come back to this.

23. Definitely!! I totally remember seeing magazines talking about how fat celebs were and at 10 years old thinking “but I look like that” and generally growing up, skinnier was prettier and better always.

24. i think it’s disgusting. Pr04n4 content is what made me develop this 3d in the first place. It’s one thing to post abt your struggles and seek community, it’s a whole other thing to glorify it and try to make OTHERS sicker???

25. Yes, I have purged before. I don’t do it often. But the first time i was 16 and my family had gotten Taco Bell, I ate like 2.5 burritos and felt sick with myself so I threw up in my trashcan bag and threw it away outside. Horrible memory.

26. I’m so excited to be confident in my skin!! And look great in all the outfit ideas I have planned 🥹 I also can’t wait to have a partner but I don’t see that happening until I lose this weight. When that does happen, I love being picked up and carried or tossed around, so being light enough that it isn’t a burden for my partner. I also can’t wait to have someone pick me up and go “omg you’re so light” or hug me and say “you feel so skinny, did you lose weight??

27. Honestly it doesn’t bother me too much, I work around food all the time so I just sorta go into a work mindset: look, touch, don’t eat. Food is for preparing, food is for serving to others, food is not for eating.

28. Not necessarily! I think it looks nice on a body type with wide enough hips, but on me I think i would have to be skinnier than I want to be in order to have one. Besides that (VERY CONTROVERSIAL) I don’t mind bigger thighs BECAUSEEE they support ass 🫡

29. For me, beauty is when someone or something is fully expressing itself to all it can be. A performance, a flower bloom, a genuine laugh. It doesn’t really matter what those things look like, as long as they form that direct bridge to the soul and show a glimpse of yourself to the world.

30. 10 facts about myself

- I can’t stand cucumber or celery

- I’m in school for psychology

- my birthday is soon!!

- I do art

- I have one younger sister and she’s my world

- I have 2 pets! A cat and a dog

- I love blue and green

- my eyes are brown

- im in multiple f4nd0ms (c3ns0r3d so this doesnt come across n0rm4l túmbIř

- I had a hardcore middleschool emo/kpop phase (yes at the same time)

[ellesthots]

FAQ + DNI

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

frequently-asked questions, all in one place 💬 please read through !

do you have a tag list?

i do not! lovely idea but I would undoubtedly forget people, forget to add it, etc…

which batman are your fics based on?

the batman (2022), battinson!bruce wayne <3 same with Alfred, Gordon, etc. + the general world. unless otherwise noted, it does not diverge from the canon events in The Batman

what if i’m a minor (under 18)?

please do not interact with my fics! i deeply appreciate you wanting to engage with my work, but i am not comfortable with minors being on my page. most of what i post is NSFW or includes heavy themes, and i make sure to front every post with 18+ to try to avoid this. please find other lovely authors!

what time zone do you post from?

i post from Pacific Standard Time (PST) 🌲

what’s your posting schedule?

at least one chapter every two weeks! very rarely will i post later than that, but emergencies could happen since i’m posting each chapter as I write it, and I’m in my final year of grad school lmao. if something ever comes up, I’ll let y’all know :)

i know the pain of following/reading a fic and it ends up being unfinished. i promise my sweet readers, you’re safe with me! my multichapter fics will always be completed in a timely fashion <3

do you take requests?

yes! how soon I’ll be able to write them is another story though lol. but I would love to hear what you’d like to see! i am totally okay with NSFW requests too :) depending on how comfortable i am with the prompt I reserve the right to (politely) decline, but yes!! love any and all chances to interact and try ideas outside of my own thoughts ⭐️ preferably requests related to battinson, but im open to general Bruce/Batman prompts as well :)

send me an ask with any and all prompts!

do you have a dni/dnf policy?

the general things: no bigotry of any kind. this includes racism, xenophobia, transphobia, homophobia, fatphobia, ableism, saneism, etc… this account is pro-Palestine, pro-fat, antiracist, feminist, and LGBTQIA+ affirming. i am a queer woman and will not tolerate hate in any form. also, as a Batman fan… bruce wayne would h8 you if you defended any of the above forms of hate <3

what do you do for school?

in a Master’s program to be a therapist! currently interning and will graduate in June ‘25. feels important to stress this point since some of you follow me on other socials: while i am a therapist (in training), i am not your therapist. none of my posts or interactions are intended to be therapeutic, nor are they a substitute for therapy. while mental health themes are strong in my writing, none of the scenes I write are mental-health gospel, and should not be taken as such (particularly in Fateful—while there are therapy scenes and depictions of mental illness, i am in no way, shape, or form claiming to be an expert while writing fiction, nor condoning a particular style, technique, or depiction as correct or ‘right’).

what are your other socials?

i am on Twitter as elles_thots, and TikTok as ellesthots. I rarely post to TT, but i am very active on Twitter! i also made a Bluesky as ellesthots, but i am not very active on there whatsoever currently. send me a DM on here or Twitter with your handle and I’ll follow you back! always love more Batman mutuals, and interacting with my readersssss ilysmmm 🦇🥹

can i find your fics outside of Tumblr?

sure can !! outside of Tumblr, I crosspost my fics to AO3 and Wattpad. the first place i post my fics is AO3, so subscribe there if you want to be first to know when my fics/new chapters drop :)

i want to comment but i feel like what I have to say isn’t substantial or is annoying…

please please never feel like your comments aren’t meaningful enough!! never feel like your comments are annoying !! if you’ve been following me for a minute you know how sappy I get over comments. whether they are a few words long or a dozen full paragraphs, from the same person or a variety, i want to hear what you have to say!! every single notification I get of a new comment or ask makes me want to cry with happiness. seriously !! y’all could each individually spam my inbox with 20+ comments a day and I wouldn’t even begin to get annoyed. my dopamine would be over the moon and I’d be ecstatic lmaooo. if you don’t feel comfortable making a public comment or ask (asks can be anonymous too!) my DMs are wide open on here and Twitter! i would love to hear what you think 💕

are you interested in cowriting stories?

not at the moment or for the foreseeable future. again, much like the taglist — very cool concept, but just not for me right now! will let people know if that changes.

do you have any Battinson fic recs?

yesss !! i have two posts with fic recs (with links!): HERE and HERE. admittedly i do not have the time to read as many fics as I would like. so many of my fellow authors and friends in this space I would love to catch up with/read !! but grad schooool and needing to keep updating my baby (Fateful <3).

how many chapters do you intend to have in Fateful Beginnings?

do not know for sure! what’s so funny is this fic was originally going to only be a few chapters, like 20-30k max. and they were going to like each other immediately 💀 since then I’ve fleshed out the plot (obviously… rip to slow burn haters!!), and if I had to pinpoint a percentage of the way through we are as of the time of this post (ch39), I would say we are past the halfway point. we still have a few more arcs to go through. if we’re talking traditional story structures, I’d say we’re at the very beginning of the rising action. just dipped a pinky in. maybe half a pinky.

wanting the story to have a very lived-in feel without being stale and stagnant. very slice-of-life meets batman plot. very character-driven with an overarching plot, so it depends on any detours or swerves they take me on along the way! but we are getting into the thick of it 🙂‍↕️

if you made it this far: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ gold stars for you !! feel free to ask more questions in the comments and asks, and I’ll add them as i see fit to share! for now I can’t think of anything else <3

Let me know if the text size is too small (trying out the smaller text option I’ve seen for streamline’s sake) and I will edit this post to make it this (original) text size <3

[fruitanddarkness]

✒️

Send ✒️ and I’ll tell you a muse I’ve thought about writing, but never did

OOc;; Ok long-ish post.

AAAA ok this was back when I was first getting back into tumblr after a several year hiatus. I had this version of Gerudo Link I really wanted to write; this was when BOTW was fresh on the market and muses from the game were spreading across the RP-space like butter on hot toast. I made a whole blog and everything, I even think back to it now and I still get some old feelings of 'OH YEAH BRUH THAT WOULD BE SICK' because I really like the idea of what if he was raised within the gerudo village as a woman but still ended up becoming the chosen hero like we see in the game. It makes me sad I was never able to fully explore that, but that doesn't mean I can't now? I still have yet to play TOTK because I still technically haven't beaten the first game and my neurosis is being neurotic.

Other muses that are more recent are Muichiro, Beelzebub from the Hellava Boss series, and Mash from Mashle: Of Magic & Muscles. Mash is honestly my most recent comfort character and I relate to him on so many levels. I also think it would be funny as fuck to throw him at other muses just to see what happens because his whole premise is this: "Autistic gym rat gets into wizard school because his strength basically allows him to do magic. Local ballistics and wizards are bamboozled by his rizz."

Muichiro.. I'm hesitant because he started as a HC/AU version of him and I truly don't know if I could do a 'standard' of him justice. I will admit however, I do have strong hesitancy about writing HH/HB Beelzebub just because of the inherent drama that exists in the fandom even if you simply mention the name. And after some discord convo's with a friend, I'm honestly chomping at the bit to write Bee. Thing is, I am a humble creature who lives under a rock and exists only when summoned. I usually don't interact with fandoms and just try to vibe with my friends/mutuals when I do have the energy to write. The last thing I want to do is make people uncomfortable, but this is the internet, I cannot win every battle.

Lastly, I've been wanting to get into writing my OC's more. Ones that yall don't know about. My friends have been telling me they deserve more love and should be revamped bc they are very much overdue considering the last art I did of most of them them was 6 years ago.

[zeequicks]

Excuse me, is someone bothering you?

conner kent & zatanna zatara, young justice fic. (they are besties)

I realised I never posted this one on tumblr, and it's one of my favourites still, so here it is. T-rated, 1.8k words | read on ao3

Summary:

When Zatanna first joins the team as an insecure teenage girl, Conner has her back. When they're both adults and Conner is still struggling with daddy issues, Zatanna returns the favour. Every good friendship needs a healthy dose of magic and muscle.

It’s difficult enough trying to save the world on a daily basis; it’s even more difficult when you’re dealing with a group of rowdy teenagers.

Zatanna has friends, sure. But she keeps her distance at school, because well—her powers tend to be unstable. Her dad can get pretty protective of her, too, so when he finally agreed that she could join the team, she was ecstatic.

(And not at all prepared for what being in a team with no boundaries, no privacy and no place to hide, meant.)

It’s only her second week with them and everyone’s having an argument on the Bio-Ship over no-one-remembers what. She’s sitting next to Conner, both of whom have been watching the scene unfold in front of them.

“You just can’t help yourself, can you? You just have to be the center of attention all the time!” Wally yells at Dick.

Dick jumps out of his seat, ready to try to drag Wally out of his and wrestle him into the ground, probably. “Me? Oh, that’s rich, coming from the guy who screwed up every part of the plan!”

“Dick, will you listen to us for once? Wally was trying to save your ass,” Artemis cuts in, huffing. “Just admit it. You miscalculated. I tried to tell you that the warehouse was sealed from behind!”

“That’s what she sai—”

“Shut UP, Wally,” everyone says.

M’gann rubs her temples together and says, “Right, no more yelling. It’s not good for the ship. If you want to talk, we talk like adults on my mind-link. I’ll kick you out if you can’t be civil about it.”

“Maybe if you stop with these avoidance techniques and actually try to have a conversation with us instead of retreating into your mind fortress, we’d be a better team,” Kaldur says. 

M’gann flares up. Conner jumps out of his seat to try to comfort her, but stops in his tracks as they look at each other.

Zatanna knows that look. Everyone in the room is silent for the next minute. Expressions twist and change, arms start flailing around.

“You guys are having a telepathic conversation without me again, are you,” she says, flatly.

What was she thinking? Joining this band of spoiled, legacy brats, none of whom can make a single decision without imploding on each other? And she has nothing to contribute, not because she doesn’t want to be involved in the fight, but because she can’t even focus on anything but the spells she messed up during the mission.

No one’s chosen to pick a fight with her over it, or scold her for screwing up. Is she not even worth taking seriously?

She’s not one of them. She can never be. Maybe she should just go home to her dad, tell her that he was right and that she isn’t ready for this.

Everyone turns towards her all of a sudden.

“What?” Zatanna says, and M’gann gives her a sympathetic look. Oh. “I was on the line, wasn’t I? You guys were listening.”

Yeah, we heard you, Dick replies, dropping his gaze.

She runs off to the back of the ship and lets out a little cry.

To her surprise, she feels a heavy hand on her shoulder as she’s wiping her tears away. She sees the shadow of a rather large someone sitting down next to her.

“Hey,” Conner says. “You okay?”

“Sraet og yawa,��� she says in barely a whisper. She takes a breath and nods.

Conner frowns. “You don’t have to do that. Not around me. Or any of us.”

Zatanna lets out a weak laugh. “Yes, I do. Everyone already knows I’m not—my dad thinks I’m not ready for this. Batman, too, apparently.”

“Batman has ridiculously high standards,” Conner smiles. “I’m pretty sure Dick doesn’t meet them, either. And I’m the same way with, you know, the big guy.”

“Oh. Superman?”

He nods. “He always seems disappointed, whenever he looks at me. But none of that matters to anyone here. You know, we’re always impressed by you.”

“Me? I haven’t even done—I still don’t feel like I’m not pulling my weight. You guys always have these new ideas, new ways of looking at things or trying to come up with strategies for our missions. Every second I spend off the field I’m practicing spells in my head.”

Conner shrugs. “Everyone has their strengths. Look at me, I’m just the muscle guy.”

It’s nice, actually, talking to someone levelheaded, who’s not trying to pry into her mind or ask her a million questions about her life. She's always thought of Conner as brooding and intimidating. Now she realizes that he’s probably a lot like her, just wanting to get by without people crossing boundaries.

“Besides, the reason why no one yelled at you was because we had nothing to yell at you for. You were the only one who did what you were supposed to on this mission. Sure, it took you a while to break those chains, but you stayed focused on what you had to do and you kept trying until you did it. Better than the rest of us.”

“That’s—that’s really nice of you to say, Conner,” she smiles, for the first time tonight. “Thanks.”

“If you’re ready, they’re all waiting for you back in there. We all owe you an apology.”

He stands up and pulls her up to her feet.

“Oh, no, you guys don’t owe me anything.”

“Zatanna.”

“Okay, maybe an apology would be nice. And some peace and quiet for the rest of the flight. I really do need to meditate and practice a couple of spells in here,” she points to the side of her temple, as Conner chuckles and nods.

He cracks his knuckles like they’re about to go into a fight.

Judging by the way he’s standing next to her like a guard dog ready to attack in front of the rest of the team, he might actually be.

“Listen up, everyone,” he starts, and okay, Zatanna’s never actually heard Conner address the room like this. She forgets, because of his usually quiet demeanor, that he can break people with two fingers.

“You’re going to apologize to Zatanna. She deserves a little more respect, and team members she can rely on. Not just to watch her back on the field, but to listen to her. And we all know we suck at doing that.”

Zatanna’s probably blushing ten shades of red right now, but someone in the room had to say it. She thinks she’ll be able to stay on the team for a little longer, if this keeps up.

-

Years later, Zatanna gets promoted to join the League.

She celebrates with the team at Barry’s place, where everyone’s toasting to her and Raquel, their newest members.

Zatanna’s been sitting on Dick’s lap for the past twenty minutes as the two of them share a slice of cake. Dick licks off a bit of frosting from her nose and she has to push his face away the second she sees Barry and Iris walking past.

Drinks are flying around, Artemis and Wally are cornering Bart in the kitchen for something he did last night, Kaldur is trying to make sure L’gann doesn’t embarrass the Atlantean crest, while M’gann is quietly sitting in the corner of the room, absentmindedly watching the door.

“Hey, I’ll be right back,” Zatanna says, patting Dick on the head as she walks over to M’gann.

She’s thinking about the fact that Conner isn’t here. They broke up a couple of weeks ago and it’s been hard on all of them. Conner told them he’d come, but he had to head to Metropolis for an important conversation with Clark.

He’s been getting worked up about it all week.

“If you know so much about how he’s feeling, will you go check on him for me?” M’gann asks. “He gets sensitive when it comes to him and Clark. I know it’s not my place anymore—and he’s always relaxed around you.”

Zatanna nods. “Of course, I’ll see how he’s doing.”

She teleports herself to him and winds up in an office in Metropolis, where Conner punches through the wall inches away from her face.

His eyes go wide when he notices she’s there. “Zatanna? What are you doing here?”

Zatanna looks to the other side of the room and sees Clark, taking off his glasses and looking frustrated.

“I was just checking to see if you were okay,” she says, deciding to keep M’gann’s name out of it. “We’re celebrating at Barry’s now, if you’re still up for joining.”

Conner places a hand on his forehead. “I promised I’d be there. I’m sorry, Zatanna, I just got caught up in—” he looks at Clark, who’s giving him a look that looks almost like a warning.

What the hell is going on?

“Right,” she says, walking over to Clark and planting her feet down. “I don’t know what it is you think he’s done to besmirch your name this time, but I’ve had enough. He deserves better. And every single time Conner does something good, not even for himself—because it’s never about himself—it’s just never enough for you.”

Clark stares at her, wordlessly, as does Conner.

He finally settles on, “Zatanna, I apologize if I’ve done anything to offend you.”

At the lack of a response, offers something perhaps a little more honest in, “I am trying.”

“Then do better,” she replies, without missing a beat. “It's not me you need to apologize to. Conner has always made sure to let me know that I was never alone. You, of all people, should know how important that is.”

She wants to go on, but she knows this isn’t her fight. She turns around and finds Conner standing next to her.

“I think I’ll go with you now.” Conner glowers at Clark, “Don’t follow us.”

“At your command,” she replies, trying to maintain a lighthearted tone. Clark takes a step towards them, which results in Conner flinching slightly.

Zatanna raises her hand up towards him and says: “Yats dednuorg thginot.”

When they return to the party, everyone starts crowding around her to ask her if she really did take away Superman’s powers of flight for the night. She's never been very good at escaping attention, no matter where she went or what she did. Judging by the satisfied grin on Conner's face, she has a green light to take the floor.

Barry raises an eyebrow when she tells them. “I didn’t even think that was possible. Be careful around Batsy with that. He might start coming to you for favours.”

“Upping your game already, Zee?” Raquel asks. Her eyes are sparkling with the possibilities of what they'll achieve when they start playing with the adults. Raquel's already poised to make a bold entrance, and if Zatanna already taking on Superman before day one then they're both as well-positioned as rookies can be.

“Oh, you know. Just a little practice, that’s all,” she says, smiling at Conner. “Magic is a little bit like muscle sometimes—you never know how strong you are until you push a little harder. Or take on someone twice your size.”

He laughs, and she happily takes that as an agreement.

[biisutoarm]

indie rp blog for ELFMAN STRAUSS of hiro mashima's FAIRY TAIL manga/anime.

mutuals only, selective, dashboard-only.

;; carrd

rules under the cut.

To clarify, these are but my preferences. I’ll put these up just to give an idea of what I am willing and not willing to do~

This blog is semi-selective and unexclusive. That said, I’ll only follow fellow RP blogs; no personals.

I am over the age of 21 and therefore, may include mature content on this blog. Rest assured all of it will be properly tagged.

I don’t run on active times mostly; my timezone is +3 GMT and therefore, it is likely our interactions will not be immediate, mostly. Please keep that in mind.

This blog encourages crossover and multi-fandom! In fact, several verses are to be written in the CARRD to make things easier for non-FT muses.

I am selective with OCs. My main requirement is a solid about page so I can get an idea of who or what am I writing with.

I use the standard Tumblr Beta editor, but will cut my posts through an add-on. My preference is that mutual writing partners do the same.

Inbox always open, threads would have to be moved to a different post. I wouldn’t RP off ask forms!

I will answer only when available. Please be patient with me. Under the same notion, take your time with your replies! I realize we all have lives outside Tumblr, and I can't stress enough how important it is for me for my partners to feel comfortable with writing with me.

I am mutual-exclusive. This blog doesn't run full-time (as it is not my job) and therefore, I will only write with those who share a follow with me. That said --please don’t shy away! If you want to talk or have an idea for a thread we can have, feel absolutely free to contact me any way.

This blog is unaffiliated. As it is done just for fun, I keep my right to do what makes me personally, comfortable; including but not limited to declining certain plots, dropping threads (within notice), unfollowing and blocking.

I will take NO forms of OOC harassment; not against me, not on my dashboard. Respect your peers first off.

Standard RP rules apply: no godmodding, powerplay or metagaming. As battle is inevitable, let’s try to keep things fair.

I like shipping, but it must come with chemistry. I will never force a ship on anyone, so I request you don’t either. Regardless, I am still a shipper at heart.

Thanks for reading!

[limeade-l3sbian]

i saw your post about hearing closeted lesbian stories and since i’ve never told anyone this, ever, i felt like sharing anonymously if you’d like to hear :)

it started pretty standard, i grew up evangelical christian in a church that refused to bless the babies of gay couples, and i grew up with young parents who very much just wanted “normal” kids. i went most of my adolescence pretty uninterested in boys (or romance in general) until i think 4th grade when a girl named lauryn told me that she loved me. i wasn’t even aware that girls could love each other like that. she would sing bruno mars “just the way you are” and would even sing the word “sexy,” which would make me blush since i wasn’t allowed to say that word. and by 5th grade we kissed and i think about her all the time. but then her dad found out and suddenly i wasn’t allowed to come over any more. and then we went to different middle schools, and i haven’t heard from her since.

after that, i met a girl named bekah. she was a part of my church and we bonded over homestuck. but she moved to a different state, so we were penpals for awhile. but then my mom read one of my letters before i could send it—one where i told her that i loved her. my mom sat me down and told me that “god knows, in your heart, that you’ll love a boy. this is just the feeling of friendship, you’ll understand when you’re older.”

so then a few more years go by, and eventually we fall out of the church (that’s a whole other story, but we basically got kicked out) and my mom started to drift super left politically. this gave me some hope because maybe she’d recognize my feelings now that every love i’ve ever had has been a woman. but then one day i cut all my hair off and her first comment was “are you trying to be a lesbian now? i guess if you chose to be gay i’d still love you. but it would be a choice, because you’ve always liked boys.” something about her flippant dismissal of myself shook me. i don’t think i even replied to her when she said that.

but at the time it shook me super deep. i wanted to be the normal kid my mom wanted, too. i wanted to be loved by her and accepted, so i told myself that maybe she was right. so i dated a boy and every day dealt with the pain of being unable to love or even like him. and when we broke up, my mom was sadder than i was.

i didn’t know how to feel for a really long time, and just stopped dating altogether. it wasn’t until i moved a few states away from my family that i started to think about it again. and i’ll always be so grateful for radblr too, for reminding me that i’m not unnatural or unlovable just because i only think about being with women. i wish i was more comfortable with myself for it, but it’s daily growth to love myself for being this way ❤️

thanks for letting me share :)

thank you so much for sharing, anon. this was beautiful in every form of the word. <3

[lettersofallure]

Hi love!

Here I am because I LITERALLY NEED THIS request to be written.i could write it, but honestly I just want to enjoy this idea from someone else's view.

So Mattheo or Theo (but maybe Mattheo would be better fitted for this, but it's up to you I love both of them), where the reader is in love with them, they are friends, reader is Slytherin inner circle, but she never got any indication that the other feels the same. They have had moments but that's all. So when a ball comes around, and it's time to pair up, reader is low-key hopeful Mattheo/Theo would ask her, but soon she finds out Mattheo/Theo asked someone else, some very random girl, so reader is kinda pissed, and agrees to go with someone who isn't that liked by Mattheo/Theo and their friendgroup that much, or has a real bad reputation (even to their standards), I dunno I saw a lot of writers go with Adrian Pucey, or McLaggen in this ungrateful role. Anyway, the friendgroup isn't very happy, but readers stand her ground that this person asked them nicely, and she haven't experienced anything bad with them, and she wants to piss off the guys. This person might have been trying to flirt with the reader or something before. So leading up to the ball readers partner starts to show his true colors, and it's peaking at the ball when something happens (as much angst as you can handle my dear writer), and eventually Mattheo/Theo is the one to help/save etc. the reader from their ball partner. Angst, hurt/comfort, fluff anything just make me feel it.

So I think that's all 🫣😍

Thank you for letting me know you'll love to write this! ❤️

My goodness- I LOVE this idea, first off thank you for giving such good details and specifics as it helps me know what you want included!-Don’t worry I’ll still throw in a good twist so it has a little unpredictability. I can’t wait for this to be my first request on this page and I hope you enjoy it once finished. I’ll probably take about 2-3 days to post it but I will make sure to tag you and as for it being Mattheo or Theo…you’ll just have to wait and see ;)

Thank you for the request, Darling!🖤

[andrigyn]

You way out of your way for people who don’t deserve it

you grew up in a really religious community but aren’t that religious yourself

you don’t use social media that much

you wish to work in a rather creative field

you don’t appreciate "girlie" stuff

don’t ask why 😭

1. I try to help anyone I can, and sometimes I do get burned so I’ll say this one is true.

2. went to catholic school and church but I wouldn’t consider my family to be very religious. Like my freedom as a kid was never limited by that in terms of what I could do, say, or wear. My dad is also an atheist so I always heard that perspective as well! I’m not sure where I stand now, I don’t think of myself as being part of a specific religion, but I’d like to believe in something.

3. YES I really stopped posting on instagram after college. I photograph poorly, and using social media messes with my head bc I tend to compare myself to others if I’m on there too frequently.

4. Yes and no… I am a creative person, but financial security is more important to me. If I could make the same money in a creative field I’d be there in an instant though

5. Yes!! I dress up and wear makeup occasionally, but 90% of the time I pick my outfits based on comfort. I’m also not one to get my nails or hair done either. The area I grew up in has a very high beauty standard that I tried very hard to meet, and I was very insecure about my looks as a result. Fortunately, I went to college in an area that was more relaxed so I stopped feeling like I had to be this concerned about my looks and what I’m wearing.

[zerolostwalks]

first lines game

the amazing @bananakarenina tagged me!

rules: post the first lines of your last 10 fics posted to ao3. if you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics.

So from my AO3: JMRothwell the last 10 first lines I posted:

1:  Reggie wasn’t entirely sure what to do about this feeling in his chest.

From So I Whisper Now in Your Ear:  Caleb abducts Julie and now the band has to figure out how to take him down and get her back home. (WIP, just posted chapter 7 yesterday)

2:  “Shit, shit, shit,” Reggie muttered from where he was crouched as Luke joined him behind one of those half wall, flower planters.

From: But I’m Livin’ : Prompt fill using the prompt:  'I won't let anything happen to you' julie & the boys, feel free to add pairing or not!

3:  “Wait!” The cry was familiar, an angelic voice he could never tire of hearing.

From: So I Don’t Lose You: Prompt fill using the prompt:  “i can’t lose you.” / “i’m not losing you.” for Rulie?

4:  The evening had been wonderful, if perhaps a little unconventional for date night by most people’s standards.

From: Come up for Coffee?: Prompt fill for willex 

5:  Alex hissed as he gripped his shin tight, his leg curled up so his bloody knee was close to his chin.

From: Kiss it Better: Prompt fill and super short hurt/comfort ralex fic

6:  It was safe to say Julie is more than a little distracted from the movie she and the guys are watching.

From: A Hold of Me: The werewolf band=pack AU I just started and may visit again sometime.

7:  Reggie dug through his drawers looking for a decent pair of jeans.

from: Dream to Me: Prompt fill and my first(so far only) crossover fic. Reggie Peters and WIll Byers(Stranger Things) go on a date

8:  An undignified yelp escapes Reggie’s mouth as he’s yanked into the hidden alcove.

from: So Close and Still So Far: Prompt fill and sequel to a different prompt fill. Historical fantasy romance shenagins.

9:  Flynn scowled out the window, at the rain that had steadily been coming down since second period.

from: Let the Rain Pour: prompt fill and short little moment between Julie/Flynn, precursor to Julie/Flynn/Reggie

10:  Reggie inhales a deep breath, the salt heavy in the air, as he holds his arms out wide, closing his eyes to embrace a rare moment of relative quiet on the beach.

from: Leave All This to Yesterday: Prompt fill and inspired by this prompt by @wr0temyway0ut Reggie is trying to collect himself and Julie starts displaying ghost powers.

.

Lotsa prompt fills because I decided to switch up how I post prompts. Especially once I started making AUs I might want to explore on their own someday and prompt fill sequels with other prompt fills. 

Anyway I’ll tag(no pressure as always) @wr0temyway0ut, @daintyduck99, @caswellseyes, and @molinapattersons

[blog-4-english-class]

Americanah first talk ._.

Alright, so first post (kinda) and I’m reading this book for my English class called Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, and Ifemelu(mc) has a blog in the talking about everything, from race to just the little details of her life, and y’know what. I’m starting a blog too!

So, while reading I noticed the author’s use of having people care about Ifemelu’s hair. It's used as a sign of identity and her hair changes throughout the book, and it becomes more a focus the longer she’s lived in America.  In the beginning of the book, it talks about how in Nigeria her hair would always be braided, that was normal. (Hell, I thought it was normal and professional) but once in America she learns her hair needs to be relaxed and like white people's hair. straight and it’s either blonde or brown. I really feel like part of her dies when her natural hair dyes. But while she feels shame for her hair, her current partner in the book Curt loves her hair, she mentions that she is the first black woman that he’s ever been with and loves all of her; her stomach, her hips, her breasts, he sees her as beautiful, something she never even said for herself. She comments on him especially loving her hair, and how after she burns her scalp from trying to straighten it he soothes her. her hair is either seen as normal or a burden so far and to have him care is new for her and the reader,

 The symbol and importance of hair reminds me a lot of how Native American people have such a strong relationship with hair. (I’m using Navajo traditions as an example).  we all do but theirs is more spiritual and deeply connected with themselves and the world around them. It's an extension of the soul and should only be cut once after a first birthday. but once Europeans came and started to head west the trend of scalping became much more of an issue. and with residential schools’ children had to “look English” and dismiss their indigenous ancestry by keeping their hair short. The ideas of hair holding meaning is seen through every culture imaginable, and for some reason with American culture it’s to have everyone be condemned to the European standard when people should do what Court did in the book and comfort each other or themselves for the changes they feel they have to fake it to “fit in” or adhere to norms.

it feels wrong to comment on others’ cultures and traditions when I’ve only read a few articles and know what I know from this book, but I think that in Americanah there are so many minute details like Curt being some of the only positive re enforced on her appearance (same with Obinze but it’s not in the same context)  this is SO analytical it’s insane that I can’t make this more like a conversation but i just noticed how profound the similarities are in indigenous culture with hair and how america stripped it away from them and the same for Ifemelu and other black people in america having to conform to the same ideas, all this metaphorical shit about hair.

anyways guys I’ll see you soon for another little post That’ll hopefully get graded well :) -Lyd 

[ao3-hp-fanfic-reader]

All the HP fanfic on AO3 ranked by kudos #12

Running on air by eleventy7

It is very difficult for me to properly describe this fic. Before I even try, let’s go over some of the details. Main pairing is Drarry with some current/ past Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione also minor past Astoria/Draco. Content warnings for suicidal ideation at points (very very very minor). Word count is 74,875.

Throughout the whole time I was reading this fic, one word kept popping into my head that described it: beige. Perhaps it was because I was reading it with a sepia background. But I think it’s because I associate the color beige with a classic literature. It’s the color of words that pull you in and fuzzy your mind and allow you to bask in their presence and feel warmth. That’s what this fic was to me. The language was so beautiful and it used a lot of literary devices and techniques that make it seem like it’s a work of classic literature. If this was handed to me in my English class to analyze, I wouldn’t be surprised (assuming HP wasn’t actually a fandom and this was and this was a published and mass produced work lol). But yes, in the best way, this book was beige. It was really comforting for me to read. Not because the content was inherently comforting, it definetly wasn’t. Harry was worried he was looking for a dead person or perhaps sent on a futile quest and the myself as the reader is constantly worried for Draco. And yet, comforted. It’s the syntax that was comforting I think. God this author is an amazing writer I cannot stress that enough. Even if you don’t like the content of the fic, the writing style alone is enough to make this a worthy read.

But now let’s talk about content. This was a great fic to read because I’ve honestly never read something quite like this. Everything felt very flat in a good way. Both Harry and Draco are/were unsatisfied with their lives but in denial. So we constantly see scenes where they will be standing outside and gazing into the distance and a phrase such as “just a concrete box in the sky” will flash through their minds. It highlights the mundanity of the life that people usually assign to Harry and Draco and proposes a completely alternate one instead. And it works. This fic is set post war and Harry and Draco and 22. Because so much time has passed since the canon, all the authors choices were completely justified for the characterization. It made sense that Harry was burnt out and unhappy. I just can’t get over how well the fic portrayed dissatisfaction and longing without being “cringey” or “fanficy.” This really felt like a book meant for a classroom.

Harry and Draco’s relationship was interesting. I liked it, but because the fic lulled me into such a trance with the language, I didn’t have much of a strong aching for the relationship. It was a slow burn obviously because Draco is missing when the fic starts. The whole thing is narrated from Harry’s POV. It was a good relationship I’ll say because they are both very different from canon (in a justified way). They share a passion of road trips which is a key part of the fic. It’s really awesome watching them connect without words and emote without sounds. The author manages to do so much with so little and I truly can’t explain it because I am not smart enough to articulate it.

A big motif in the fic is repeated phrases. Because Harry is examining memories of Draco (cause he’s been missing for three years), he has to comb over every specific word and derive meaning from it. Draco is a man of few words, but powerful words. The phrases from the memories are quoted in italics throughout the fic and each time they somehow pull up an emotion and tie on a new one. It’s truly fantastic. Sometimes the authors purpose of quoting a phrase is a little confusing, but as we’ve already established, I’m not that smart.

I really enjoyed reading this fic. I would recommend it to someone who wants a break from standard fanfic and wants to revel in beautiful writing. It will make you think a lot. It is a really beautifully written fic and I recommend it to anyone who has the mental energy to appreciate that aspect, because it deserves to be appreciated.

[kreture-komforts]

I need to start doing more regular check-ins with myself (since I’m still struggling to find a competent therapist 🤦🏽‍♀️)

And, honestly, I started this blog specifically so I would have a place to post where nobody that knows me follows me. Turns out, I haven’t been being honest with myself about how I feel for a very long time, and have always put others’ thoughts and feelings over my own.

I’ve tried desperately to keep up an image of Not Giving A Shit combined with Never Stop Fighting, and I’m finally trying to come to terms with the fact that I’ve been slowly burning out over the last few years. I’ve been readily and steadily stretching myself thin to try and please everyone around me and “Do The Right Thing” (as defined by the twisted standards adolescent Zara tried to develop with limited guidance in toxic environments) and it’s simply unsustainable.

I’ve never felt comfortable talking about myself, but it feels like all I do is talk about myself, so therefore I’m always uncomfortable. I’m scared of becoming as self-centered and narcissistic as my abusive parents, especially because I didn’t even recognize the abuse for what it was until this year. I’m worried that I’ve been A Problem and A Nuisance in a lot of ways throughout my whole life without ever seeing it or taking accountability for it, and I’m really frustrated that there’s nothing I can do to change that.

So many of the memories from the first twenty years of my life are blurry or straight up repressed, and coming to this realization has made me start to question everything I know and understand about life. I feel like my brain is a Jenga tower that was built with gaps in it, and the table just got shoved by the person who started the game in the first place; the base is still intact, but the players that are left are just trying to find the pieces that went tumbling off the table.

(Side note, therapy Jenga would be quite the exercise and I will be trying it out)

Idk, maybe it was the three acid tabs I did last night, but I really need to make a fucking change for myself and get some help. I could write about my feelings for days on end, but that won’t necessarily make anything easier. I’m glad to have taken the time to write out how I’m doing, but it’s nearly 4am and I’ve got So Much to do over the next few days, and I really should have called it quits hours ago. Hopefully, if I start doing this more often, I’ll be able to more succinctly articulate how I’m doing so I don’t feel like I’m writing a book about myself. Honestly, I’m hoping with practice I’ll find a more list-like format for check-ins that I can use as reference for therapy sessions.

God, I’m so tired. I need some goddamn relief.