#if I had my way I’d probably never see them except Christmas

[emeraldcreeper]

Tired of being nice. Will yell at next inconvenience or moment I have to pretend like I don’t have 100 opinions on current situations

I mean I do have topics for what I wanna do in therapy now besides the way I’m trying to girlboss a autism diagnosis out of my new therapist, so working out getting out of the uninhabitable conditions of this hellhole and untangling my opinions from the toxic refuse of my extended family and one cool aunt and uncle who also make wack decisions will be the other parts, since honestly the mental illness is not coming from inside the house I’m being tortured daily by pain and the general issues of going I can’t comment on your life choices god damn it im so annoyed with you all you’re collectively homophobic transphobic assholes except my mom and I will never come back here again when I move, when I can be on my own I’m going to the southwest or somewhere with 4 seasons and no hatred of gay people so I can live out my spinster dreams alone as a goddamn hermit therapist

[solarmorrigan]

TW: Discussion of suicide, suicidal ideation, child neglect. Nothing happens in the fic (all hurt/comfort, I promise), but it's very frankly talked about, so please proceed with care <3

-

It takes three weeks.

(In reality, it takes longer than that. It takes until after Steve realizes he’s spending more time at Eddie and Wayne’s new place than he is at his own house. It takes until after Eddie has asked Steve to just move in with them already. It takes until after Steve has packed his things up, and carefully cleaned up the house, and set the thermostat, and informed the pool cleaners, and paid a neighbor to check the mail every few days, and – he hadn’t felt right, just leaving, even though Eddie had repeatedly told him he didn’t owe anyone anything. But it had taken until after all of that, and then–)

Steve had left them a note, a new number where he could be reached, and it had taken three weeks before they came looking. Before they even noticed.

It isn’t a fight, in the end.

His parents are angry that he’d just up and left the house, but they’re much less so when he explains everything he’d set in place before he’d gone.

They want to know if he’ll be asking them for anything else after this (not if he’s safe, not if he’s happy, just if he’s going to keep being a burden).

He tells them no.

And that’s– that’s it.

That’s it.

His mom tells him they’ll call him around Christmas, let him know if they’ll be in town, and then his parents just let him go.

They get up and they leave his living room and they leave his home and they leave Steve’s life and they leave and they don’t look back and they– well, they’d left a long time ago, hadn’t they? A long, long time ago.

Steve is sitting at the end of Eddie’s bed (his and Eddie’s bed, now, their bed; Steve’s still getting used to that, but in a good way), feeling the sort of empty he hasn’t felt since he was seventeen. He’s just sort of staring at the carpet, and then he’s staring at Eddie’s ridiculous polka dot socks as Eddie steps in front of him.

“Hey,” Eddie says softly. “You, uh… okay?”

It’s kind of a ridiculous question – the answer is obvious, and Eddie clearly knows that, but it’s a way to start a conversation without shouting, “Your parents are ungrateful pieces of shit who never appreciated you,” like he probably wants to (and has before), and Steve appreciates his restraint.

He nods a little, stops, shrugs.

“I kind of thought I was over this,” he says. “Over feeling… left behind by them. Shouldn’t still hurt, right?”

“It’s– it’s okay if it does. It’s shit, Steve. They’re shit,” Eddie says (yep, Steve called it). “You’re allowed to be hurt.��

Steve shrugs again.

“It’s funny,” he says, even though it isn’t, “but I used to wonder how long it would take them to notice if I died.”

He’d never had an active plan, really, though there had been plenty of ways around the house to accomplish the task. He’d never really even looked at it as being suicidal, just angry and bitter and lonely. He hadn’t felt miserable all the time, hadn’t felt like there was nothing in the world worth living for – it’s not like he’d been depressed, it had just been a wild, almost satisfying thought that occurred from time to time. The ultimate way to prove a point. To make them see.

And if the urge got too strong, and his head got too full, and his chest felt too hollow, and the house felt too empty, he’d just go out and find something to do. Simple as that.

“I wondered if it would only be a day or two, or if they would come home, like, weeks later and find what was left of me just… floating in the pool or rotting in the bathtub or some shit. And I guess I just got my answer.” He laughs, managing to sound completely humorless even in the attempt, and glances up at Eddie. “Three weeks. How decomposed do you think I’d be by now?”

Except Eddie doesn’t pick up the bit. He’s just staring at Steve, wide-eyed, cheeks a little red, eyes a little wet, and – shit.

“Shit, Ed, I didn’t–”

“Don’t,” Eddie cuts in, voice thick with a shaking kind of intensity, “say shit like that. Fucking don’t ever– Steve–”

“No, Eddie, I’m sorry, I haven’t thought about that in years, this whole thing with my parents, it just… it reminded me, that’s all,” Steve says, even if that isn’t strictly true.

He’s thought about it plenty, he just hasn’t really had the urge to follow through since the first time he took a bat to a demogorgon’s head. He’d traded that empty feeling for one of purpose, of knowing he was needed, and had readily put himself between everyone else and the danger they were facing, because at least that way he filled a space.

(Maybe he’d traded it a little too easily. Maybe there isn’t a lot of difference between using yourself as bait to lure in a demodog and thinking about where all the sharp things are in the house. Maybe that’s something Steve doesn’t need to unpack right now.)

Eddie stumbles forwards, reaching out and cupping Steve’s face in his hands, angling him upwards so Eddie fills his field of vision.

“I would notice,” Eddie says firmly. “I would notice.”

“I– I know you would, Eddie. I told you–”

“Robin would notice. Dustin – all those little shits we hang out with, both Wheelers, Wayne, fuckin’ Byers– we would notice right away, Steve, I swear to fuck, we would,” Eddie goes on, and something is suddenly sticking in Steve’s throat.

“I– I know,” Steve manages to choke out, and shit, why are his eyes wet now? He’s never cried over this feeling before, and it should be too fucking late to start now – except with everything happening, with his parents, with the way Eddie is staring at him like he’s about to disappear–

Eddie bends one leg up until he’s got a knee to one side of Steve’s hip, half-kneeling over him without boxing him in because he knows Steve can’t stand that, and he rests his weight there so he can lean in and press his lips to Steve’s forehead, kissing him, murmuring against the skin like he’s praying.

“We see you, baby.”

And that one hurts.

It fucking aches, like Eddie has somehow managed to reach back four years and jam a thumb into the bruise seventeen-year-old Steve had constantly been carrying under his ribs, and Steve of right now reaches out and grabs Eddie’s shirt and thinks for a moment that he wants to shove him away, but his next breath heaves out like a sob and he can only pull Eddie closer.

“We see you,” Eddie says again, soft but unignorable, before he presses another kiss to Steve’s forehead.

Yeah, Steve thinks, you see right through me.

It’s a terrifying feeling, and Steve wants to swallow it up and keep inside of him where he can feel it forever. He nods against Eddie’s lips, sucking in a sharp breath so he can speak again.

“Okay,” Steve says, clutching more tightly to Eddie’s shirt. “Okay.”

He closes his eyes against the unwanted tears and lets himself feel, instead – the warmth of Eddie over and around him, the near bruising grip Eddie still has on his jaw, the softness of his lips against his forehead, and he thinks that this is what he’d been searching for, all those years ago.

He doesn’t think he’s ever felt this wanted, and somehow he doubts he’ll ever have to worry about going without it again.

[Prompt: Forehead kisses]

[cloudlessly-light]

“You’re lucky I didn’t ruin your orgasm. What do you say to that?”

“Thank you daddy. Thank you for edging me. “

With stepdad hotch x brat Emily

Pretty please?

A/N: So here I thought I was done with this universe but I do have a lot of fun writing it and the request I got just happened to one of my favorite kinks soooo, here we are!

(Please look at the tags for this one!)

Title: Wild child   Summary: The case was over and Elizabeth was out of town. Should he fly home anyways? Probably. Does the case happen to be just an hour away from where Emily was? Yes. To Aaron, it’s a no brainer.   Word count: 3,5k Rating: Explicit   Warnings: Smut, power dynamics, dirty talk, edging, orgasm control/denial, oral sex, stepfather/stepdaughter relationship, taboo relationship, restraints, cheating, begging, dirty talk, verbal humiliation, rough sex, jealousy, stepdaddy Hotch is back and meaner than ever, stepdaughter Emily

“I thought I’d be back tomorrow but a last minute meeting is being held on Monday.”

“No it’s fine. I was actually thinking about spending the weekend here, see an old friend.” He lies through his teeth as he speaks to his wife on the phone. The rest of the team is packing up, more than happy to fly home to spend the weekend away from crime and death. It had been a rough one, a case he knew would stick with all of them to some capacity. And he needed to let off steam, needed to feel in control.

He was in Connecticut, less than an hour away from where Emily lived in her off-campus apartment. He hadn’t seen her in almost four months, since that Christmas, and now when this opportunity fell into his lap, he had to take it.

“That sounds like a nice weekend for you.” Elizabeth is already sounding distracted and he hears the rustling of paper. “Do you think you can give Emily a call? Just to check in since you’re close. She hasn’t been answering my calls but maybe you’ll have better luck.”

“Of course, darling.” He knows that he should feel bad, feel some kind of guilt for lying and cheating on his wife, but the guilt had completely disappeared by now. The only thing he felt when he thought of his time with Emily was desire, forbidden and filthy, sides he never got to express except when with her.

“Thank you. I’ll be home sometime next week.”

“Okay.” He hears voices on the other end and knows that Elizabeth is about to hang up.

“Love you, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Love you too.” He hangs up and puts his phone in his pocket. He made small talk with his team as they finished up the last of their work and then as they’re all getting ready to leave he gives them the same excuse as he had his wife.

“I’ll see you on Monday.” He says as Dave looks at him with a hint of doubt.

“You’re sure you want to stay?” The older man had always been exceptional at reading him.

“Yes, one of my old college friends lives here and asked me to stay for the weekend.”

Dave is silent for a second too long, but in the end he shrugs.

“Have a nice weekend.”

“You too.” He watches as they drive off before getting into his own SUV. He calls her immediately, knowing that it was Friday and she was just about done with her classes for the week. She picks up on the third dial.

“Aaron? What’s wrong?” She sounds worried, but he isn’t surprised by that. They never talk unless it’s on skype with Elizabeth present.

“Nothing’s wrong, sweet thing.” He relaxes into the seat slightly when he hears her breathing hitching. “I was working a case and now it’s done and I’m in Connecticut for the weekend.”

“Really?” She sounds like she’s holding back excitement and he pictures how she’s biting her bottom lip.

“I’ll be at your apartment in an hour.”

“What if I already have plans?” She challenges, her tone just shy of conceited and he squeezes the phone a little harder.

“Cancel them. Or you won’t like what I’ll do to you.” He hangs up before he can hear her reply. He knows she’ll listen; she always does.

*

Emily looks at the phone, mouth hanging open slightly from the way he had hung up on her. She knew that she should ignore him, that she should go out with her friends like she had planned and tell him to fuck off for expecting her to drop everything.

But she hadn’t seen him since Christmas, hadn’t gotten to let go in the way she only could with him. This was a rare opportunity; she wasn’t going to pretend it wasn’t. So she texts her friends, blaming a migraine and she hurries towards her apartment. The first thing she does is clean up, quickly hiding dirty laundry and clears books and papers that’s scattered in the living room off the table. Looking at the clock she realizes that she doesn’t have much time and so she jumps in the shower.

He knocks just as she’s getting out of the shower, he was early. But she knows that she’ll end up naked regardless, so she forgoes any clothes and opens the door with the towel wrapped around her.

“You’re early.” She states as he looks at her slowly up and down. She notices a few specks of grey in his hair and finds that she likes it. How did he always manage to look so effortlessly sexy.

“Are you going to let me in?” He’s leaning against the doorframe, towering over her as she stands barefoot. “Or do you want all of your neighbors to see you like this?”

“I shouldn’t.” She crosses her arms over her chest. “You ruined a fun night for me.”

“And you don’t think we’ll have fun?” He takes a step forward and easily tugs the towel away, leaving her completely naked. “Your attitude will be your downfall, baby girl.”

The sound of a door down the hall opening makes her panic, knowing that she was on full display and she drags him inside and slams the door shut.

He pushes her right up against the door, crowding her space and she sucks in breath at the heat of his body against her back and the cool wood against her front. His mouth is by her ear, one arm already moving around her body to tease between her thighs.

“Now, is this any way to greet your daddy?” He husks and she shakes her head, already feeling herself falling under his spell. When his fingers move through her folds and he feels the slick between her thighs he snickers. “You’ve been soaked ever sine I called you, haven’t you?”

“Y-yes.” She gasps, hips moving against his hand in search of friction.

“Yes what?” He pushes her even harder against the door, keeping her completely trapped as his fingers speed up.

“Yes daddy.” The familiar words come easily, a need to feel him, to please him already overpowering any other thought.

“There’s my good girl.” He muses with a growl.

He fucks her right up against the door, bringing her over the edge as he mutters filthy words against her ear. When he comes he snarls her name, hands tight enough to bruise as he keeps her against him.

After, he cleans her up and watches with dark eyes as she walks on trembling legs and he already knows that this was the best decision he could have made.

They spend the evening doing more of the same, hands and lips always searching until the need for food becomes too much. He lets her decide on take out and then as they’re waiting he watches as she grinds on his thigh until she comes with a breathy moan.

The next day they’re woken up by the sound of knocking and as Emily looks at her alarm she swears.

“Fuck, I forgot to cancel my run.” She hurriedly grabs his shirt that’s the closes thing to her and walks to the door while Aaron sits up on the bed, leaning against the headboard.

“Em! Come on what is taking so-” The insistent knocking stops as she opens the door and Cooper looks at her state of undress “Oh.”

“Sorry I forgot we had plans.” She gives him an apologetic smile. “But I’ll make it up to you, pizza on Monday?”

“Yeah, sure.” He sounds disappointed for a moment but then musters up a smile. “See you on Monday.”

She waves and watches for a moment as he starts to leave, but the sound of Aaron’s footsteps gets her attention and she shuts the door. She knows what’s coming, remembering what had happened when he thought Derek was flirting with her. In the back of her mind she realizes that Aaron being jealous wasn’t going to stand in the long run, when she actually met somebody, but right then she found his jealousy hot, his possessiveness making heat flutter in her belly.

“A friend?” He stops right in front of her.

“We work out together.” She says and his eyes flash with something dark.

“Is that right?” His hand is fisting her hair so fast she barely registered that he had moved. She hisses as he pulls her head back, the grip painful. “This isn’t another one of your little boyfriends then?”

“N-no I swear.” She whines as he starts to pull her back towards the bedroom while getting the shirt off her, leaving her naked.

“I’m getting really tired of your attitude, of your lies.” He throws her on the bed and quickly straddles her waist.

“Daddy please-”

“Greedy little thing, any dick as long as you get an orgasm, is that it?” He grabs his tie that’s on the dresser and quickly binds her hands to the headboard. When she shakes her head with a pout he chuckles, the sound condescending and he sees her cheeks flush.

“I promise it’s not like that.” She refrains from pulling on the bindings and instead looks up at him with wide eyes.

“Even so, you’re in need of a lesson. A lesson of control.” He gets off the bed and goes to the desk where she had told him she had her toys. He grabs the vibrating wand and a dildo and places them on the bed beside her. “But first things first.”

Emily follows his gesturing hand, mouth watering at the sight of him already hard in his boxers. When she licks her bottom lip she hears a satisfied hum from above her.

“You want it?”

“Yes. Please.” She adds for good measure, not wanting to get into even more trouble. It’s enough and Aaron quickly rids himself of his boxers. The angle is strange, Aaron kneeling beside her head and grabbing her hair to help her crane her neck enough to be able to wrap her lips around him. But they make it work, Emily licking and sucking him the way she knows he loves and listens as he groans above her. The sound shoots straight to her clit, and she doubles her efforts, her tongue pressing with firmer strokes, her lips tightening around him.

“Fuck yeah, that’s it, good girl.” He whispers as she takes more of him. When she starts to struggle he starts to thrust, slowly fucking her mouth and groaning as she chokes around him every time he presses against the back of her throat.  

When he pulls back enough for her to take a couple of desperate breaths he wipes a couple of tears from her face and her hazy eyes meet his.

“You look so pretty like this, cock drunk for me.” He whispers and makes his way down the bed. Her legs spread for him, showing just how much she loves when he treats her like this, her slick shining on her inner thighs.

“I’ll be good, please daddy, I’ll be good for you.” She begs and he smacks the tip of his cock against her swollen clit.

“Oh I know you will.” He gives her a look that makes her pause, she knows that look, knows that whatever he’s planning will completely ruin her. The headboard rattles as she tugs but just like she knew, the knots were too tight. “Just relax and let me enjoy myself baby.” The words are barely out before he pushes inside of her.

He doesn’t give her time to adjust, settles quickly on a hard, deep rhythm that makes the bed slam against the wall and her body jolt. She grunts, the stretch of him mixed with pleasurable pain, the former quickly taking over. She can’t do much but take it, let him set the pace as he uses her body for his own pleasure. When his large hand presses her thighs back, opening her up even more to him, his angle changes and he manages to thrust right against that spot inside of her that only he had been able to find.

“Fuck!” She cries out, the pleasure building quickly as he stays like that, fucking into her like a mad man. “Daddy…” She gasps and he smirks down at her.

“You're such a little slut for me. Mine to use.” He mutters as he stares down at her. The flush on her cheeks has crept down to her chest, her abs are tensing, just like he expected, she’s already getting close.

“Yours.” She whispers as the pressure builds by each thrust of his hips. “Daddy, I’m so close.”

“I know baby.” He pants, feeling her tightening around him. He watches as her eyes roll back, how her back arches as she heaves for breath and just before she falls over the edge, he stops.

She cries out, her orgasm stopping in it’s tracks and she jerks on the bed. When she looks at him, there’s a pleased look on his face and he covers her mouth before she can start to complain.

“Mine to use.” He tells her again and then flips her around, her arms twisting above her. “You do not deserve to come, greedy thing.” He pushes back inside of her smoothly, slowing his thrusts as he enjoys the heat of her around him.

“Please…” She gasps, body already tingling from unreleased tension.

“I’m going to fuck you until I’ve had my fill, then maybe, you can come when I’m done with you.” He pulls her to knees, put pushes her upper body down against the bed. They stay like that, Aaron fucking into her with even strokes and Emily whimpering and moaning into the bed. He stops her from coming two more times, Emily’s begging falling onto deaf ears.

By the time he’s coming, Emily is shaking, her face buried in the bed to keep from screaming in frustration. She can feel her own slick run down her thighs and when he comes with a groan, she feels his release mix with hers as it drips out of her.

“That’s right, such a good pussy for daddy to use.” He mumbles, brain slightly hazy from his orgasm. When he lays down beside her, Emily rolls onto her back. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen her pout like this, dark eyes shooting daggers at him.

“Untie me.” She mutters and pulls on the bindings again and he laughs at her.

“We are not even close to done, sweet thing.” He presses a kiss to her lips, then her forehead but she’s annoyed and doesn’t reciprocate. Aaron doesn’t seem bothered, only laughs at her again and then stands up and goes to the kitchen. He comes back with a bottle of water and holds it to her lips.

“Drink.” He tells her and she silently takes a couple of sips. The cool water seems to chill her heated body slightly.

“Now what?” She asks as he lays back down after taking a drinking some of the water as well.

“Now, you’re going to truly learn what happens when little girls get greedy.” Before she can even think to ask what he means, two of his fingers push inside of her. Then the buzzing of the wand starts and he holds it in front of her face before moving it down her body. His fingers curl and pushes inside of her and then he traces the wand over each of her nipples.

Her back arches at the feeling, pushing her chest further into the round head of the wand before he moves it further down her body. The feeling of the vibrations against her clit makes her entire body buckle in pleasure and somewhere through hazy pleasure she hears him snicker at her.

“Does that feel good baby?” He smirks, the question rhetorical and they both know it.

“Yes, yes it feels good.” She’s panting already, her legs widening as he curls his fingers and massages against her spot.

Aaron keeps his eyes on her, ups the power of the vibration and when her slick walls start to tighten around his fingers he stops, pulling away from her.

“No, please!” She cries out in disappointment. She knows there’s really no point, when he edges her he will continue until he deems her to be done, but it doesn’t stop her from trying.

“Quiet.” He warns and waits another moment before picking up the wand again. It’s not long until she starts to tense, her body shuddering on the bed and just as she’s about to come he stops again.

She whines, the sound needy and desperate but she doesn’t say anything, only waits until he’s pushing his fingers back inside of her again. This time he’s upped the power of the vibrator again and she feels like her whole body is going to explode.

She loses track of time, of how many orgasms he’s ripped from her. All she can feel is need, her body tense and brain screaming for release. He’s switched from using his fingers to using the dildo, and it’s only making her more crazy. Tears of frustration paint her face, she’s covered in sweat and when he stops again she can barely get a sound out.

“You’re so pretty when you cry.” He turns off the vibrator but keeps fucking her with the dildo, slowly, enough to keep her on edge but not enough to get her off.

“Please, please, pleasepleaseplease.” She looks up at him, eyes swimming with tears and desperation and Aaron feels arousal deep in his gut. He loved that he could reduce her to this, that she willingly gave herself like this.

“Who’s little cunt is this? To whom does your body belong?” He growls and starts to push the toy a little faster inside of her.

“To daddy, I’m yours.” She gasps and when he hums against her neck she knows she’s pleased him.

“That’s right, which means I do what I want, when I want.” He grabs the wand again and puts it on medium before pressing it back against her clit. The moan that leaves her is raspy and low and he doesn’t think he’s ever heard a sexier sound.

The coiling in her belly is back with a vengeance, after being denied for this long it only takes her minutes to get right back at the edge she so desperately wants to fall off. But he doesn’t stop, even when she starts to tremble, even when she moans out his name and she looks at him with wild eyes.

“Come Emily.” He tells her simply and within seconds her body is buckling as she comes so hard she can barely breathe. All she can feel is pleasure, pleasure that’s close to painful, like her body doesn’t know how to handle it after all the buildup. It feels like she’s been coming for minutes when he finally stops the vibrations and but keeps lazily pump the dildo.

“Good girl.” He kisses her sweaty temple as she tries to catch her breath, her legs still twitching.

“So good.” She whispers, almost delirious from the power of her release. When she opens her eyes he’s looking at her, eyes so dark they look black as he pulls the toy out only to settle between her spread legs. She jerks at the feel of him against her and his eyes harden.

“You’re lucky I didn’t ruin your orgasm. What do you say to that?” He pushes inside of her but keeps his eyes on hers.

“Thank you daddy. Thank you for edging me.” She whimpers and when he starts to move she knows that they’re far from done.

When he leaves Sunday afternoon Emily can feel him everywhere, his marks are covering her body, there’s a pleasant ache between her legs. She kisses him good-bye at the door, bites down on his bottom lip and tugs and he growls slightly.

“You know, JJ thinks you’re hot.” She muses and he arches an eyebrow.

“Your blonde friend?” His hands are tight around her waist, not letting her go.

“Mhm, she told me during Christmas. And, I thought you should know, cause she’s a very good kisser.” At that, his fingers twitched and a low murmur sounded in his throat.

“Is that so?” He noses under her jaw, bites over a hickey. “Have you slept with her?”

“No.” She smirks when he pulls away to look at her with heated eyes. “But who knows, we’re both coming back for the summer. Just something to think about.”

“I swear you’re going to be the death of me, baby girl.”

She laughs and kisses him again, already tasting the want on his tongue. But he had a flight to catch so she settles on watching his ass in his jeans as he walks away. Just before leaving he turns to her, sending her a smile and a wink.

[deliciouskeys]

Butchlander are answering the Valentine’s 25 asks

* first date: describe your ideal first date.

BB: We meet at a racetrack, I stare at him across the way and drink a beverage with his face on it.

HL: … What? Oh, that. That wasn’t a date.

BB: it was to me.

HL: I prefer visiting his house and having a bitch session.

* first kiss: what’s the best way to be kissed?

BB: fast, hard and spontaneous

HL: what he said.

* preference: sexuality? what’s your ‘type’?

BB: I like cunts.

HL: I like people who have no fear. So, brave or stupid.

* blush: what could someone do this valentine’s to make you feel special?

BB: Give me head.

HL: Tell me I’m enough.

BB: That’s sad, mate.

HL: Does that mean you’re going to say it to me? *dares to hope*

BB: Nah.

* hand holding: do you like pda?

BB: fuck no

HL: fuck YES

* family: how important is your family’s approval of your s.o.?

BB: The Boys are my family and I don’t want to scare little Hughie. Plus I’d be setting a bad example. I’m not telling them.

HL: All my parental figures are gone. Except one. But he’s not going to approve of anyone, so idc.

* doves: what’s the most romantic thing someone’s done for you?

HL: Enthusiastically agreed to scorch the earth with me 🥰

BB: He keeps making all these over the top gestures, but honestly when he made me tea even though he doesn’t drink it.

* love hearts: where were you when you met your crush?

BB: A Vought Christmas party 💀

HL: I said I love that accent but I hated it

BB: do you still?

HL: occasionally. When I can’t make out what you’re saying.

BB: he speaks “perfect American”, of course.

HL: I do! They coached me to enunciate.

* candy: favourite thing to eat on a date?

HL: I have recently discovered the existence of dulce de leche

BB: anything with chopsticks because I love watching his xenophobic ass struggle

* 100th date: would you prefer to stay in or go out this valentine’s?

HL: Stay in, the restaurants are crowded and paps are looking for photo opps.

BB: Nothing to add to that.

* roses: do you like picnic dates?

HL: Have we had one? I thought you British people loved picnics.

BB: He knows so much about the UK 🙄

* giggle: what’s more important in an s.o.: intelligence or humour?

BB: Humor for me, obviously, because this guy dresses like a clown.

HL: Certainly not intelligence, as you can see from this guy’s jokes.

* lace: who looks best in your favourite colour?

BB: My favorite color is black and I don’t think he’s ever worn black in his life, so me.

HL: My favorite color is blue, and I doubt he’s ever worn navy blue in his life. So me.

* cupid: have you ever been set up? have you ever set anyone else up? how did it go?

HL: Yes, they made me date Maeve for the points. It was awesome.

BB: Nope.

* lovebirds: at what point in a relationship would you make it ‘public’?

HL and BB (in unison): Immediately / Never

HL: What was that?

BB: You heard me.

HL: Well it takes two to keep a secret, but only one person to go public.

* love knots: would you like to forget the person you shared your first kiss with?

BB: Some girl in elementary school. I don’t want to forget, but I don’t remember her name. Jenny?

HL: They made me practice with Vought employees around the time I turned 18. Yes, I’d like to forget.

BB: Uh, wow, me too. Forget what you just said, that is.

* promise ring: who do you see yourself being with in two years?

HL: I’ll either be with him, or he’ll be dead

BB: Care to elaborate?

HL: I’m just saying the most likely outcomes, nothing ominous.

* ballad: best love song?

BB: Wannabe

HL: The one that goes “not gonna write you a love song cause you asked…”

BB: You mean from that Bareilles bird?

HL: Probably. What. Why’re you laughing. Yours is a spice girl song.

BB: Cause you’re actually serious.

* aphrodite: how important are looks?

HL: Important.

BB: Important I guess. 😒

* angel: do you like ‘bad boys’ or sweethearts more?

BB: America’s sweetheart, bad boy behind closed doors and between the sheets.

HL: I am not a bad boy in any setting or capacity. But I’m apparently drawn to date them.

* harp: have you ever written a poem for a crush?

BB: *laughs shaking his head in disbelief at the question*

HL: Why would I? Pearls before swine.

* red: where will you be spending february 14th?

HL: Probably doing superhero duties, rescuing suicidal incels and the like.

BB: Watching him doing his bullshit work on the news.

* love notes: who was your last valentine? where are they now?

HL: My last valentine before him was an invalid. She… ended up dying.

BB: My last one was in 2011. *grim*

* flowers: what’s the best romantic gift to give someone?

BB: Sometimes a good old punch in the teeth. Or a spanking to set them straight.

HL: I gave him a dose of Compound V to use and he tried to return it to Vought for retail value cash.

* st. valentine: what are your hopes for love this year?

BB: For him to stop being a cunt.

HL: To have the person I’m dating still be alive at the end of the year.

[crushingcasanova]

1-50.

who is/are your comfort character(s)? I have a bunch, but Shiver from Splatoon 3 is a pretty big one! The other ones are kind of embarrassing so I’ll keep them to myself >_<

lighter or matches? Lighter!

do you leave the window open at night? I do not!

which cryptid being do you believe in? Nessie!

what color are your eyes? Brown

why did you do that? Do what? >_<

hair-ties or scrunchies? Hair ties for convenience but scrunchies are cute!

how many water bottles are in your room right now? None!

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee? Iced coffee is my favorite, so I guess cold!

would you slaughter the rich? Theoretically I suppose so? 

favorite extracurricular activity? Theater! 

what kind of day is it? It’s sunny and a good day! I have some fun plans so I’m excited! 

when was the last time you ate? Last night! 

do you love the smell of earth after it rains? Yes I do! 

are you a parent? (all answers qualify) I’m the parent of my plushies and nothing else! 

can you drive? Theoretically yes but I don’t have my license yet!

are you farsighted or nearsighted? I have an astigmatism but I’m nearsighted in one eye!

what hair products do you use? I don’t really use much except for normal shampoo and conditioner... sometimes I use a leave in conditioner when I go out! 

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails? I would! They wouldn’t be amazingly done though. 

do you say soda or pop? Soda! 

something you’ve kept since childhood? A certain childhood plushie of mine!

what type of person are you? There are so many ways to answer this... I’m just a very loving but shy person, I guess! 

how do you feel about chilly weather? Good, if I have a sweater on!

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing? Hanging out and doodling together!

perfume/body spray or lotion? Perfume!

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times? Going to a musical with someone I love!

about how many hours of sleep did you get? About 9 hours? I think?

do you wear a mask? I mean, not often. 

how do you like your shower water? Hot! 

is there dishes in your room? Nope! I never eat in my room! 

what type of music keeps you grounded? Splatoon Music!

do you have a favorite towel? Nope!

the last adventure you’ve been on? Probably a little walk and meetup I had with my best friend to go see a friend of mine in a show!

is there a song you know every word to by heart? I have like 14... Vending Machine of Love is the first one that comes to mind!

what’s your timezone? EST

how many times have you changed your url? Just once! 

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years? My theater best friend! I’ve known her since I was 5!

a soap bar that smells good? Irish Spring!

do you use lip balm? Every once in a while!

did you have any snacks today? Nope! I haven’t eaten anything yet today! 

how do you take your coffee? Usually iced and with a lot of sugar and chocolate!

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site? Discord and Instagram, and youtube! 

what’s your take on spicy foods? I like them!

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it? I’d probably pick someone who’s just not a good person... like a dictator of some sort?

can you remember what happened yesterday? Yes!

favorite holiday film? Santa Clause! It’s not very good, but I love watching it ironically. Either that or, for one that I actually like, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation!

what was the last message you sent? “Marigold is listening to my commentary” since Sol is on call as I’m writing these!

when did you first try an alcohol beverage? Never! 

can you skip rocks? Nope!

can i tag you in random stuff? Yes please!

[lovemesomesurveys]

1 - When was the last time you spent over $100 in one transaction? What did you buy? When I was doing my Christmas shopping last year. 

2 - Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Would you judge a grown adult for doing so? I used to have several on my bed (I unfortunately had to downsize my bed so I could have this hospital style bed) and I see absolutely no problem with that. 

3 - Would you describe yourself as fashion-conscious, or do you just wear whatever feels comfortable? I wear what I like and what is comfortable. I think what I wear is nice and some may happen to be trendy, but that’s not what I seek to do. I don’t care if it’s trendy or not. I have to actually like it myself and feel comfortable wearing it.  

4 - The last time you got up from where you’re sitting, where did you go and what did you do? I still require help moving, so I don’t get out of the bed at all by myself. My mom helped me this morning when she was making my bed and readjusting things.

5 - Would you rather read an erotic novel or watch an erotic film? Neither.

6 - Who taught you how to tell the time on a proper analogue clock? I remember learning in school and from my parents. 

7 - What’s your favourite way to make your home smell good? Do you spend a lot of money on making this happen? I like room sprays (don’t overkill though) and my mom likes to use those wax melts things. 

8 - How long have you had the computer/tablet you’re currently using? Does it need replacing or upgrading? I’ve been using my brother’s laptop since mine went kaput almost a year ago. I think he got his in 2017 or 2018. 

9 - When you’re home alone, do you make sure all your doors are kept locked? We always keep the doors locked.

10 - How often do you light candles? Do you just like regular ones or do you prefer scented ones or ones that make pretty patterns when they melt? I never light candles. 

11 - Are you any good at taking care of plants? I’ve never attempted to, but I’d probably mess up. I apparently can’t even take good care of myself. 

12 - How many surveys have you taken so far today? Will you take anymore surveys today once you’ve finished this one? This is the only one I’ve taken today and most likely this will be it. 

13 - What are the main two colours in the room you’re currently in? Did you pick these colours out yourself? My walls and door are all white and my curtains are blue. My walls were white when we moved in, but I did choose my blue curtains. 

14 - What was the last hot drink you consumed? What about cold drink? The last hot drink was Starbucks and the last cold drink was a Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink. 

15 - Do you have piercings anywhere except your ears? How many and what are they? Nope, just my ears. 

16 - Do you prefer taking baths or showers? How come? Showers. I haven’t taken a bath since I was a kid. I just like the feel of a shower, the hot water spraying down on me and the sound of it is just relaxing. I don’t want to sit in my bath water and have it get cold. 

17 - What time do you need to wake up tomorrow morning? What is it that you have to be up for? Whenever I want. I don’t have anything going on.

18 - If you work, how often do you get paid? Would you prefer to get paid more or less often? I don’t have a job. 

19 - What does your favourite pair of pyjamas look like? Do you wear them to sleep or just to be comfy around the house? I don’t really have like official pajamas, I’ve just been wear t-shirt dresses or oversized tees. That’s what is comfortable and convenient for me right now. 

20 - How often do you wake up in the night needing a pee? I take care of that before bed.

21 - What apps do you use the most on your phone? TikTok, Kindle, Facebook.

22 - Do you prefer cats or dogs? Do you own any of either? I’m a doggo person and yes I have a German Shepherd/Lab mix named Princess Leia. 

23 - Do you have one of those fridges that has an ice-maker in the front? If not, would you find one useful? No, we don’t have one like that. I don’t use ice anyway, so it doesn’t matter to me. 

24 - Do you like wearing hats? What’s your favourite style? I wear beanies most often, but I have a few baseball caps as well.  25 - If you live in a household with pets, who is responsible for their care - both in terms of finance and the physical tasks involved? My mom and brother take care of majority of the financial stuff and my parents do more of the physical tasks. I of course used to help with what I could when I could, but as of now I’m not able to do anything physically. 

26 - What’s your opinion on leggings as pants? >> I wear leggings as pants all the time? what even is there to say about it <<< Same. I don’t care. 

27 - Have you ever driven in bare feet or do you think that’s too dangerous? I don’t drive. 

28 - Have you ever walked out of a job before? What were the circumstances and did you ever go back? No, I’ve never had a job to walk out of. 

29 - Do you collect anything? Are these things worth money or are they practical/sentimental items? I collect stuff, but they’re sentimental things. 

30 - Do you have anything hanging from your ceiling apart from lights? A ceiling fan. 

[purplesurveys]

1658

Are you Guilty or Innocent of these things?

[A/N: Bold means guilty, no bold means innocent, italicized means ehhhhh sometimes I’ll be guilty of this but sometimes not.]

Liking pineapples on pizza I hate pineapple in general so they never go on my pizza. I’m also personally not a fan of the whole pineapples-on-pizza thing but if I see other people preferring them then it’s whatever.

Not drinking enough water I do skip water the whole day then drink a whole bunch of it in the evening, which isn’t the healthiest habit. At night I can probably reach 5-6 glasses.

Calling sick a lot at work Like, using up my sick leave credits? I rarely do so if it wasn’t a legit situation. Generally I also just rarely take leaves as it’s hard to get behind in such a fast-paced industry.

Leaving the dishes to "soak" in the sink a little too long It used to be a habit but not anymore. I hate leaving stuff out for too long and it makes me feel more at ease the sooner I clean up after myself.

Putting things off until last minute Yeah pretty much in all aspects where this is relevant. The only time I’d say I’m not guilty of this is at work because I’m super rigid with deadlines.

Not being able to keep a secret Depends. I’m mostly innocent and can keep a secret but there are exceptions where I can’t help but tell Angela. Making plans and canceling This was sometimes me in college, which I know is SUCH a shitty behavior; but I don’t do this anymore. I’ve experienced people canceling on me hours before said plan and I hate it so I avoid doing it at all costs.

Making impulse buys Yeah...hate this habit. Like I’m always 97% likely to buy something on impulse if I feel like I have extra money on me. A couple of months ago I got a bracelet I knew I was gonna lose in like two weeks anyway (I really did lose it eventually).

Having trouble saying no to others Yup, ESFJ struggles hah. I have a desperate need to please others all the time even if it comes at the expense of my own convenience.

Over spending Very guilty but I’m actively trying to address it now. I haven’t spent on anything in nearly a month, especially after I had to shell out 12 grand for my dog bite vaccinations.

Gambling I have never gambled and will never consider doing so.

Stealing something I’ve stolen an abandoned pen here and there in school, but it’s never gotten anything bigger or more serious than that.

Singing in the shower I’ll occasionally hum extremely softly but I’ve never broken out into song.

Sleeping naked I’ve done it a few times with a partner but I wouldn’t do it on my own.

Making New Years resolutions you can never keep I never make resolutions in the first place.

Being arrested I’ve never been arrested. Pulled over and gotten a ticket, sure; but not arrested.

Not studying before taking tests Might be the Asian in me but that just feels so wrong, lol. I always skimmed over my notes one way or another for every single exam or quiz.

Making up fake reasons to get out of plans with someone Not anymore but I did this a handful of times in college back when I had a partner and wanted to hang out with them instead (ew), or when I’d suddenly get hit with a wave of social anxiety.

Googling your symptoms Well, yeah. I kinda do that for every single inconvenience I experience with my body hahaha.

Peeing in the woods Have never done that.

Regifting a Christmas gift you didn't like Not guilty and would never consider doing this. I always get plagued with thoughts of how the gifter would feel if they found out.

Locking your car keys in the car You know what? Considering how clumsy and forgetful I can be all the time, it’s a miracle this hasn’t happened hahaha.

Road rage Ugh very guilty, especially in college. I know it’s not an excuse but Metro Manila traffic can be extremely frustrating, guys. Couple that with the fact that Filipinos are generally super inconsiderate and unpredictable on the road, and it all makes out to give you just a very stressful experience altogether.

Buying more books even though you have books you havent even started yet I don’t do this with books but have occasionally done this with notebooks in high school.

Wearing pajamas out in public Innocent. I did bring my BTS pajamas for the theatrical premiere of Yet to Come Busan but ultimately didn’t change into them because I got too shy and was afraid that people were going to judge me for wearing pajamas in public haha.

Breaking something and then lying about it For sure, especially when I was younger.

Ignoring phone calls and watching the call until it stops ringing Guilty but I don’t feel guilty about it. Message me first, you rude weirdo.

Petting every dog or cat you see As tempting as it can be, it’s potentially dangerous, so mostly innocent. For pets I’d typically just wave at the dog, then for stray aspins I would pet and interact if they seemed accustomed enough to people.

Cheating at a board game Eh, innocent. I don’t like playing board games anyway.

Dropping an ice cube and kicking it under the fridge I know it melts and evaporates and all but am innocent, that just seems so gross to me hahaha who knows the gunk that hangs out underneath the fridge...if I drop an ice cube I just drop in the sink and let it melt there.

Lying about your age Guilty, once. I wanted to try my first margarita, so I ordered one at 17. The waitress could immediately tell I was a minor though and I was shot down when I couldn’t provide an ID.

Watching cartoons as an adult Guilty, but again I don’t feel guilty about it haha. I literally watched a few Spongebob episodes with my sister yesterday.

Sneaking your own snacks into the movie theater Bringing in your own food in the cinemas here in the Philippines is allowed; you don’t need to sneak anything in.

Littering Innocent. I don’t get what’s so hard about putting your trash in your pocket or bag first.

Cutting your own hair Innocent, that’d be a recipe for disaster if I were ever to do it myself.

Looking for your phone when it's in your hand It’s definitely happened more than once; with my glasses, too.

Folding laundry but never putting it away LOL yeah. Why can I never manage to put it back in my closet? :((

Blocking people you dislike on social media Guilty but unbothered. I get annoyed fairly easily and a block is the quickest and most satisfying way to deal with people.

Giving someone a fake phone number Was never stuck in a situation where I had to do so.

Buying clothing that you never wear Yeah, guilty. It’s always the clothes that looked good on the mannequin but didn’t end up suiting me.

Putting a christmas tree up before thanksgiving Not relevant to me; I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving. My family does put up our Christmas tree in October, but that’s because that’s the practice here in the Philippines. You’d be the weird household if you only put Christmas stuff up literally in December hahaha.

Spending hours on TikTok watching videos TikTok edits are cringey for the most part, but I can spend hours going through IG Reels since the videos there are more straightforward.

[silly-guy-123]

i wrote something for once !! its not a fanfic, it's actually just my ocs in a silly little scenario. it ends kind of abruptly but that's all i could motivate myself to do

under the cut

the diner was quiet. of course it was, it was past midnight. the only person on shift was a pudgy, middle aged woman with a soft face and a sweet voice. i liked her, she was nice, although i could never gain the courage to ask the woman’s name. something about her kindness scared me, although i had never been the most courageous person.

i was waiting for my friends. they were often up late, just like me; it was a habit we never seemed to break. the neon lighting from the signs outside lit the room up in an almost eerie green and red glow. christmas was on it's way, and a soft dusting of snow covered the ground. i would've taken off my scarf and coat, but i’d rather be uncomfortably warm than too cold.

with a little dinging sound, a group of three walked into the diner.

a pink haired, average height man, casper was his name.

a shorter, slightly rounder girl with dark brown curls tied in a ponytail on her head. her name was lucy.

and a tall, lanky man with a smattering of freckles across his face, vivid green eyes framed by long ginger hair. his name was thomas.

they were my friends. it had been a while since we talked.

i stood up and greeted them. lucy ran over and hugged me. she seemed happy to see me. i tensed, but reciprocated the hug. after all these years it was still hard to get used to people being affectionate.

“hello alice!! how've you been?” lucy asked me, while thomas sat down next to casper.

“i’ve been well,” i responded, “and you? also, casper, where's knot been? i thought you two were inseparable.”

casper laughed easily, “ah, he has a cold. he didn't want to give it to any of you.”

thomas elbowed casper in the ribs, “aw, man! cold or not, it would've been nice to see him. except i cant say im upset about it, because at least i won't have to watch you two flirt.”

i watched quietly, a smile on my face. i didn't like to talk much, but i enjoyed the conversation.

lucy sat next to me, her head resting on my shoulder.

“what? we do not flirt, i’ll have you know. we are simply friends. how dare you insinuate anything else.” casper responded, his tone one of mock horror.

eventually, the conversation was interrupted by the soft faced worker. “hello, ladies and gents. may i take your order?”

i appreciated that she didn't question why we were here at such a late hour of the night. as far as i knew, this was just some good old friend time. right?

lucy spoke up first, “um, yeah, could i have the waffles?”

thomas agreed, “i’d like some waffles too.”

the worker woman nodded, “two orders of waffles.. what about you two?” she looked at me and casper.

“ah- um, i..” shit, i wasn't prepared. “uhh… the waffles..?”

the woman chuckled and looked at casper, “would you like waffles too?” there was a smile on her face, as if she found our shenanigans funny.

casper just nodded. he wasn't the type to talk to strangers. the woman nodded back, wrote down something on a pink notebook with a dark ink pen, and then left the table to go yell something to the chef in the back. considering it was just us here, we probably interrupted the chefs break time. i made a mental note to leave a tip.

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

‪12/2/19, 7:20 PM ‬

(Five years ago now)

‪I guess this whole time it’s just kind of felt like, “what the fuck is the point?” because I had a good life. I had a good support system. I had my mom, and my dad, and my sister, and my dog and I didn’t really care about anybody else. I used to feel like I had a best friend who understood me, but then she grew up and became a different person and stopped trying to understand me so she could start to understand herself. Which is fair, I guess. Except she stopped even asking me about me and started talking over me. It’s okay to dive deeper into yourself, as long as you don’t reflect that on the outside, too. As long as you share some air with people around you. ‬

‪Anyways. When it’s the holidays and everybody is home, I feel so full. Like I have everything I need. My mom takes care of us because she’s an angel and I really don’t have to do anything for myself besides basic grooming. She plans out our days. She feeds us. I tag along with whatever somebody else is doing. I don’t even have to fucking think for myself. ‬

‪And I know that’s wrong and I know I shouldn’t let her take care of me like that, but holy shit it feels so fucking good to be taken care of. I cannot stress enough how hard it is to even feed myself. I don’t know how everybody does it. I don’t know where they get the energy. ‬

‪And then I go back to my apartment and the ripped siding by my window scratches against my wall and keeps me up all night. There’s no coffee in the cupboard. There’s some food, but nothing good. Nothing I haven’t already made for myself a hundred times. When you’ve eaten the same thing a hundred times in a row, what’s even the point? I’d rather not even eat. Which I don’t. ‬

‪And then you also realize there’s no one around you to fill the silence. No one in the morning. No one to share the bathroom with. No one to accompany you on the ride to school. There’s people in your classes, but you feel alone anyways. ‬

‪I don’t like my friends. I don’t talk to my friends. And when I do, I feel deeply ashamed. When I do it’s just complaints and I hate myself more for complaining. ‬

‪I don’t see them outside of school because I want to push them away. My roommate is never home. We haven’t really spoken in three months and I’ve known her my entire life. We were so close last year. Now it’s just really quiet. Everything is so, so quiet. ‬

‪I feel like I’ve already lived a full life. The life I wanted. I don’t want to go off on my own anymore. I don’t want to fall in love because at this point I don’t think that exists for me. I can’t even keep a single friend that I like. ‬

‪I feel whole and real when I’m home with my family. Maybe not all the way full, but more than when I’m alone. I feel like I belong to something. And now we’re all getting old and my sister is in another state with her boyfriend and my dog will probably die soon. I haven’t known a father figure in my family that’s lived past sixty years old. Our house won’t always be there. ‬

‪What I’m afraid of most is the one person I really love leaving this earth. The one person who helped me through the hardest times in my life, who takes care of me without giving me reason to feel remorse. Who loves me unconditionally and will always love me unconditionally. My best friend in the entire world. I know she won’t be around forever. Being with her feels like being next to a ticking time bomb. That’s not fair to her. Though none of this is. ‬

‪I can pretend these wounds are healing with time and I can write about them a million more times but I don’t think this will ever change. Maybe in four days I’ll feel better for a little while again but what about after Christmas? What about next semester? What about after graduation? What about the rest of my life? ‬

‪Where does this leave me? When all of this is actually gone for good, what does that make me? Everything I love the most is so impermanent. And that’s so unfair. ‬

‪Each day takes me further and further away from the person I was. I know I wasn’t happy then either, but at least I was safe. At least I knew what was coming the next day and the next and I knew I’d never have to go through it alone. ‬

‪I just don’t know anymore. I just don’t know…

[cam-cam]

12/27/22

🎵Song of the Day: Kool Thing---- Sonic Youth

I had a good Christmas. I watched Polar Express after opening presents and ate eggs for breakfast. The power went out again Saturday morning like three times, once while I was taking a shower, and it started sending out cold water. it’s been consistently 0-30 degrees. COLD. It snowed just yesterday evening, and it stuck, it’s actually still out there, and Veronica is covered in snow. It’s really pretty and I have my blinds pulled up so I can see it better. 

When I bought a Starbucks gift card for Sophia I asked mom to buy me one if she went out to the store. But I was under the impression she forgot so I bought one online. But she did buy one and so I snagged it to give to Izzy, who is coming over this afternoon. I also got her a Capricorn necklace a very long time ago. ALSO I almost forgot that I got her that customized print and I have to give her that too. I still have to wrap them. 

My room is a mess, I need to vacuum and clean my bathroom, don’t want Izzy knowing I’m a slob. I mean she probably already figured it out but I’d like to continue the illusion. I need to take a shower too. And wrap her gifts. I’m going to take a short nap first then do all of that.

I had a good Christmas. Dad never came out of this room. He got sick apparently and now it seems like the whole house is sick except me. If I get sick, (I don’t really feel sick so it’s unlikely) I’ll cancel on Izzy. I’m not telling her my family’s sick cause i don’t want her to freak out. Also we haven’t seen each other since July so there’s no way I’m going to cancel if there’s not a good reason. And its too expensive and COLD to go out.

I didn’t get my family stuff for Christmas. They understand. They’ve been going easy on me (at least my dad is) because they know I’m going through it. And my mom doesn’t really like receiving gifts as much as she likes giving them. And she got me a whole lot of gifts. She asked me for a wishlist a long time ago and I didn’t even remember what I asked for so it was nice to be reminded.

I got a bunch of candy in my stocking (that I immediately ate), over the ankle doc martens, thigh high black heel suede boots, a $50 ulta gift card (which with all honesty probably won’t buy much but I still like it), blue silk pillowcases for my bed, silver and gold cartilage hoop earrings, viwik reusable chopsticks, kate spade wallets (one with a polar bear and the other a bunch of ladies sunbathing in a pool or an ocean), then I got two big ass bath bombs that are Christmas themed, one is vanilla (nice) and the other is coal(??) (naughty).

Okay I’m gonna take my nap now and then prep for Izzy to come over.

[sk0w2-blog-blog]

Lack of Entries = Megapost

A white christmas this year, how amazing! I actually don't find it unusual because it almost always flurries (or freezing rain more so) around the time of my birthday. What I love most about the holidays is probably sitting by the fireplace, wrapping presents, pigging out without judgement!, and mainly annoying my baby nephew. My brother, who I normally don't communicate with 364 days out of the year, came down from Virginia, so we finally had our whole family together.

I met my new sister-in-law for the first time, and she knew how to do lash extensions, so she did them me. Normally, they're $50+ but I got them for free, so that was one of the highlights of my Christmas, heh. *update* I ripped them all off 3 days later, so don't think this is something I'll invest in in the future..

You can see the chub on my sister, she's preggars again, and I got another nephew coming in May. I'm pretty stoked because Kaden is beginning to settle into his bratty stage (3-5years), and I need a new baby to ooh and ah over. Kaden cracks me up..

And with christmas comes my birthday which was two saturdays ago.

There's not much to say, except I'm another year older.

Tomorrow is new year's eve. Highly doubt I will be doing anything aside from driving home from work during the countdown and hitting the sack. Gotta work 12 hrs tomorrow and another 12 the next. Pretty crazy, but I don't have much of a choice. I'm visiting my new apartment tonight, and def.. need the extra moolah when I think about it. The place is in midtown Atlanta, minutes form work & school! The downside is it's kinda pricey, and I am a poor college student nonetheless. Gotta figure out how to saveeeeee (something totally new to my vocabulary) SO much going on.. Even though I figured with the fall semester out of the way, I'd be stressed free, but I'm far from it. So much to do this month, and I'm going on vacation next week. Even that is stressing me out. For one thing, what the hell do you pack for a cruise in the middle of winter? 

Black Swan was an awesome movie.. !!!! But I'll prob never watch it again. Too freaky!

I know I've been really lame this past year, and I haven't done much of anything, partying at the least. I don't know why because I always felt the need to go out in my former years, and couldn't stand being in the house. Now that's all I want to do. Lay in bed and watch a movie, and occasionally.. smoke (erm.. hookah of course..) with friends. I haven't made all As this year (13 or so classes), so pretty proud there.

[eri-cheri]

Now that we have reached the last chapter of the year. It is time to do a 2020 roll call of what I like to call, “State of the Shippers”:

1. IzuOcha. Status: Placated.

-IzuOcha’s could celebrate several cute tidbits throughout the year. Mini moments as they say.

Anime Highlights: The OVA’s came in clutch with moments for shippers all around and IzuOcha is no exception. We got a cute tidbit where Izuku and Ochako bumped into each other and were flustered.

Manga Highlights: Christmas kept on giving to this fandom as the AM doll Izuku gave Ochako made many appearances. A cute fist bump between the two was also exchanged and Mina was right there bouncing with y’all.

Heroes Rising: Izuku super man carried Ochako to safety. And was Angy she was injured. Fans could enjoy the small Lois Lane moment.

Troubling Signs?: Ochako said “I would like to be excluded from this narrative” when it comes to her feelings for Deku. She’s a hero damnit! So if they are in for something, probably won’t be while they are still in school.

II. DabiHawks. Status: Yikes.

- Dabi and Hawk’s very public breakup set this fandom in disarray but also kind of disayay?

Anime Highlights: None yet. This fandom was cruelly cock blocked by Bones. Sorry DabiHawks stans.

Manga Highlights: Where to begin, my goodness. With these fans, I guess the good and the bad is a plus in this homoerotic double agent relationship. We have the notion that Dabi may have known Hawks when they were kids, which may be a positive? Hori sure loves his childhood friends. Other than that. The GIRLS WERE FIGHTIN’. Hawks is now permanently scarred by Dabi and I don’t think it was kinky folks. Tokoyami inserted himself in the middle to White Knight Hawks, Dabi broke up with him via YT expose and overall, shippers could anguish in the absolute MESS that this ship endured this year. But I’m sure that’s part of the appeal. So...yay?

Heroes Rising: They were both in it.

Troubling Signs?: The entire relationship is a troubling sign which again, is part of the appeal. Maybe Hawks will cuddle up with Dabi’s father after the war. That’s troubling! Speaking of...

III. EndHawks. Status: Yearning and Burning.

-If there’s one thing Endeavor couldn’t stop worrying about, it was his hot (in more ways than one) new side piece who probably should have looked at the fine print when signing a contract to be a recurring guest star on “Keeping up with the Todoroki’s”.

Anime Highlights: A fateful meeting finally in high definition for all our eyes to see! Hawks’s unwavering support of his biggest hero was endearing to watch and their shenanigans together spurred the anime onlies to finally jump on the biggest May-December ship in the series.

Manga Highlights: Endeavor’s admiration and concern for Hawks seeped through the pages as we entered our most exciting arc in the manga yet. Fate split these two up yet entwined their downfall together. And that Fate’s name was Dabi...or should I say ⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️ or should I just say Touya!

Heroes Rising: “Don’t bite my head off, Endeavor.” Geez, can you flirt a little less loud Hawks?

Troubling Signs?: They say never meet your heroes and Hawks is in for a rude awakening. We shall see just how deep his admiration runs or if Endeavor’s past will split our dynamic duo up for good.

IV: TodoDeku. Status: “Precious”

-Shoto’s “Midoriya is in Danger” radar was highlighted in both manga and anime. 4th User’s quirk, who?

Anime Highlights: “Midoriya hasn’t returned yet.” “Where’s Midoriya?” “Midoriya! Grab my hand!” “Have some of my Soba Midoriya.” Shoto gets it. His emotional support friend is a danger magnet. TodoDeku’s also enjoyed tiny tidbits in the OVA such as a hand grabbing scene. Gotta hold tight to those crumbs.

Manga Highlights: Two Words. “Precious Friend.” Deku comes in w/o arms or legs fighting for Shoto and Shoto’s honor. These two spent the entire year worried sick about each other, and going against all odds to save each other. Precious Friends indeed. TDDK fans ate.

Heroes Rising: Shoto kicks some dog ass and then faints thinking of Deku (and Bakugo but shh. Let the shippers rejoice.) On the bright side, we have a 3rd movie coming featuring “The Three Musketeers” so shippers of TdDk can HOLD TIGHT to what’s to come.

Troubling Signs?: Shoto still doesn’t know about OFA and he’s gonna have LOTS of questions after this arc. Will Deku finally tell him? If not, it could make or break the ship.

V. TodoBaku. Status: “Shining through the city with a little funk and soul.”

-Who knew the greatest comedy duo we needed was Shoto and his hot headed “friend” or not friend? It still remains unclear to Shoto. Regardless, these two had a fun year.

Anime Highlights: “I wanna see your cute face”, disco dancing, and more fun in the provisional license training. Plus the OVA added some cute moments between the two such as Bakugo staying behind to save Todoroki during a dangerous excercise and his adorable plan neatly animated for us. I’d say TodoBaku’s really were resurgent and energized this year!

Manga Highlights: Shoto, that is not how you properly Catch a Kacchan, I’m sorry. But at least you did it you mad lad. As with Deku, Shoto spent the year worried sick about Bakugo. While the anime let us have our fun, these two were suffering in the manga.

Heroes Rising: Again, Shoto put a dog down and then fainted with Bakugo on his mind (and Deku but we ignore that. Shush.) TodoBaku’s have the 3rd movie to look forward to which is bound to have some amazing content!

Troubling Signs?: They have a lot of trauma to deal with. And a lot of Deku to worry about. I also imagine Shoto will be hurt about being left out of the OFA secret. We shall see what 2021 has to offer.

VI. KiriMina. Status: Unbreakable.

-Changing your hairstyle to match the gal who inspired you in middle school? Sorry y’all but if Mina were a guy, I’d say that’s gay af.

Anime Highlights: We got that backstory Bois. Red Riot’s origin might as well make him be called Pink Riot. Again with Hori and the childhood friends though I wouldn’t exactly call them friends. They just went to the same middle school but Kirishima was highly influenced by Mina’s Chivalrous spirit! A ship is born!

Manga Highlights: The influence is mutual! Mina creates a move based on Kirishima’s unbreakable and we all let out a collective “awwww”. Also in the war arc, we got Kirishima making sure Mina’s chivalrous spirit shines through right into Gigantomachia’s mouth! KiriMina may just be the unsung MVP’s of this arc.

Heroes Rising: They were in it.

Troubling Signs?: I can’t think of a single one. KiriMina’s can enjoy a peaceful sailing.

VII: KiriBaku. Status: Crumb Collectors.

-2020 was an uneventful year for KiriBaku but Bones made sure there were crumbs aplenty! Thank God for OVA’s!

Anime Highlights: KiriBaku’s did thrive in one episode! Kirishima reflects on the sludge incident and evolves his quirk based on inspiring words from Bakugo! Hooray! KiriBaku’s can thrive in their blossoming friendship. The OVA also has Kirishima (and Kaminari but shh) once again following Bakugo’s lead when it comes to the training excercise. How can you not? He’s so manly!

Manga Highlights: Not gonna lie. There is nothing much here this year. I did find a teeny tiny flake in Aizawa’s flashback. Kirishima and Bakugo are sitting next to each other. Oh! And at the hot pot gathering, Bakugo sits next to Kirishima! Eat your crumbs KiriBaku’s! There’s always next year!

Heroes Rising: Kirishima hangs with a lazy Bakugo and delivers the most hilarious line in the whole movie. “Silly Bakugo, there won’t be villains here!” Hahah... Silly Bakugo. Oh you~ KiriBaku’s can inhale the fact that those two sure love to hover around each other!

Troubling Signs?: With great crumbs come little responsiblity. No trouble if there’s no content! 🤔

VIII: KamiJirou. Status: Singing their hearts out 🎶

-If there’s any ship that’s coming close to canonization, I think this is it, folks! “Think of the person most important to you!” Can’t argue with Midnight!

Anime Highlights: Kaminari does non stop encouraging of Jirou and her hobbies! He works super hard to learn guitar for her sake! We love a king who can encourage his queen!

Manga Highlights: Kaminari thinks of the most important person to him and surprise! It’s Jirou! All of the feels can commence.

Heroes Rising: They were in it!

Troubling Signs?: Kaminari does love his women. And men. Kaminari overall is a huge flirt. But Jirou appears to have his heart strings. ❤️

IX: BakuDeku. Status: Rising. 👑

-Alternative Statuses include Winning, Thriving, Soaring. It’s just been non stop content this year. 2020 is truly the year for BakuDeku. The shippers can rejoice.

Anime Highlights: Three words. Be. My. Cane. The OVA’s helped fan the flames of the BkDk hearts with a surprise! Deku tops! Not only that, we got a lovely shoulder tap of encouragement in the canon material. While in season 4, Deku’s primary focus was Eri. Bakugo and Deku still had their moments to be hella gay.

Manga Highlights: Where do I even begin? I guess we’ll just cut to the chase with Bakugo Katsuki: Rising. We finally saw Bakugo’s true feelings manifest for Deku and if getting stabbed for him isn’t the ultimate showing of love, then idk what is. BakuDeku’s rounded out the year with the Volume 29 cover AND the volume 29 cover drafts to eat at our heart strings. Overall, their relationship got the spotlight in the manga this year. And we’re bound to start 2021 with a dramatic confrontation. Hand holding seems to be the key with these two and it didn’t stop with Heroes Rising...speaking of.

Heroes Rising: The entire movie. Like....yeah. That’s it. [OP, your bias is showing. You have to be SPECIFIC.] {But random criticizer in my head, if I lay out the entire plot of the movie, my post will be too long} [OP....] UGHHHH Okay okay. The POPSICLE MELTING. THE HAND HOLDING. THE CHARACTER DESIGNS OF WHAT MIGHT AS WELL BE THEIR LOVE CHILDREN. Did I mention? “It’s fine if it’s you?” CAUSE YEAH. Oh and All Might randomly officiating their wedding in their heads like idk. Isn’t it just simpler if I say the whole movie??!

Troubling Signs?: Well these two’s relationship is extremely delicate and while it has non stop soared this year, Deku might not take too kindly to Bakugo almost dying for him. Will they stop pushing each other away? Time will tell.

That’s all for this year folks! Happy Shipping and good luck to everyone next year!

[ryosmne]

Special piece.

Tattoo artist! Sukuna x f!reader

I just had random thoughts about Sukuna, I mean the usual so here's this hope you enjoy reading. Also this is based on my Tattoo artist! Sukuna series here's the masterlist for that.

Warnings: Language, usage of the word babe that's all.

Consultations were always Sukuna's least favourite part of his job. Not only because some people took long to voice their ideas, but because some are way too indecisive, they either want too many things packed in a tattoo or they hover all over the place trying to chose from roses to skulls. Boring.

The girl that walked in five minutes ago was no different and even though she hadn't even been in his shop for that long she was already getting on his nerves not being able to choose a design for him to draw so he could get this over with, and much to Sukuna's dismay she also had a friend with her that stirred her away every time she came close to making a final decision.

Nanami had told him that she already had a very specific design in mind otherwise Sukuna wouldn't be wasting his time and maybe the fact that he woke up next to y/n again helped him enough not to give the girls his usual pissy attitude.

"How about a micro tattoo? It would look so good on you." The girls friend chirped up making Sukuna's eye twitch.

"I won't do that, pick something else, if you're having trouble I can just give you a flash book with my work and we can tweak something to make it different." Sukuna offered, his tone was very much bored and indifferent, all he wanted was for this to be over with.

"Yeah that would be nice." The girl infront of him said. She was around his age, early to mid twenties and by the looks of it she had lots of work done, her right arm was covered and she wanted to start her left too.

Sukuna momentarily left his booth to fetch the flash book from the reception and he was already planning to charge the girl, whose name he didn't really care to remember, extra just for annoying him.

Walking back to his booth, he found both girls staring at the pictures he had framed on his wall, specifically y/n's original sketch of the shrine she wanted. Sukuna still called her lines crooked all the time, especially when y/n and him eat lunch in his booth. The picture next to it was one of y/n's arm, by now not only the shrine and the fox covered it but lots more of his designs.

Y/n had always told him with a chuckle that having a picture of her arm was creepy, but Sukuna always justified it saying that it inspires him and he has a picture of them together on his desk cause he knows she's a bit on the shier side. Not to mention Gojo would give them hell had he seen that picture of them together hanging on the wall and both y/n and Sukuna didn't want to deal with him.

"That one, I want that one."

The girl confidently spoke and Sukuna's gears had already been grinding for a while.

"Not that one, here pick something else." He simply said, with a slightly more intimidating tone as he handed her the flash book.

"But I want that one, why can't I have it?"

Whining was his the worst thing to Sukuna pair it with an entitled costumer and you can see smoke coming out his ears.

"That was a piece for someone special, you can't have it, either pick something else or leave."

Y/n once again came through Domains front door, Nanami greeted her at the reception and as usual everyone was working since there was lots of buzzing in the shop.

"Hey Kento, I brought takeout for everyone, hope you guys like Thai food." She said with a smile, dropping the bags at the reception counter. "You shouldn't have y/n we could've ordered something in." Nanami was his usual self talking about paying her back and y/n only laughed.

"Oh come on, I wanted to, everyone's still working?"

"Yeah, everyone's tattooing, Sukuna's doing a consultation and it's not going that we-"

Before Nanami could finish his sentence some girls voice was heard saying

"Aren't you a tattoo artist? You're supposed to do what I ask you to."

And there was Sukuna, he had came out front having decided that even the extra charging he planned to do wouldn't help him deal with that headache of a client. His face said it all and y/n could tell he was done with whoever pressed him.

The two girls came to y/n's field of view and she was now wondering what they asked for that Sukuna was so pissed. She just gave him a smile telling him to hang in there in her own way and Sukuna's whole face lit up just by her presence.

"Just why won't you do it? That's the one I wanted." Ah, why must his moment be ruined that rudely.

"I already told you, now, out." His voice was as stern as ever, y/n didn't interfere, that was his business he can run it however he pleases.

The two girls let out an annoyed huff before one of them turned their attention to y/n

"Just go somewhere else, this guy won't do what you'd want anyway."

"Oh I'll do whatever she asks of me, now get the fuck out of here."

Finally some piece, just as the door closed, Nanami begun to laugh under his breath having heard all the commotion from before.

Sukuna took y/n under his arm giving her a quick kiss, his expression that previously looked like he would blow up any second, softened to a half smile his now lazy half lidded eyes that settled on y/n's face.

"How's your day dollface?"

"Pretty good, hopefully about to be better, how's yours?" That smile of hers never failed to make his insides melt away.

"Pretty shitty, untill you showed up."

Who knew that anyone could get Sukuna this warm and cuddly? Well if you asked his co workers they would've told you that there's no way in hell anyone can make Sukuna mellow with their presence, but y/n was probably the exception that justifies the rule.

"Babe, did you also get these red velvet cupcakes from the bakery downtown?"

Sukuna asked, eyes lit like a kid on Christmas.

"Have I ever forgotten? I got you the ones with the pink frosting you were eyeing too."

Y/n said her smile matching Sukuna's and her heart hummering like it always did when he smiled, that was the least she could do for all the perfect dates he's taken her and all the perfect food he's cooked for her not to mention the gorgeous work that he put on her body, his ink by now creeped up her shoulder.

"That's my girl!"

Sukuna said with a proud tone as his arm pulled her closer to his side.

"So, what did she ask for?"

Y/n pressed not having a clue what could've gotten him so riled up, but he just hummed and took another bite of his cupcake, like he always did after a meal.

"Was it watercolour?"

Sukuna shook his head no, making y/n more curious.

"Micro tattoo?"

Again same answer.

"Then how bad of an idea could it be?"

Y/n asked, her voice was playful as she genuinely wondered if someone asked for Jimmy neutron's head merged with a tiger again.

"She asked for your shrine, I'd never give someone your shitty lines." Sukuna answered half laughing, and y/n did too, that running joke always found its way back.

But y/n knew Sukuna considered all of the tattoos he'd given her one of a kind and an extension of herself, he wasn't about to hand what's hers to someone else no matter how much tweaking he did, these pieces were y/n's and y/n's only.

Bonus Domain shenanigans:

"Y/n brought food? I heard something about cupcakes too." Gojo spoke suspiciously looking at his co-workers. They all ate with y/n about an hour ago but he was too busy finishing up a piece of his, full colour new school takes time.

Sukuna warned them that if they told Gojo about the cupcakes, he would either fire them or tattoo them a stupid design he thought of. The second option sounded terrifying, so after exchanging a few looks Geto was the one to speak up.

"No man, she did bring Thai thought, maybe you misheared, here I left yours on Nanami's desk." The calmness in Geto's voice always helped him seem like he could never lie, making him the best to handle a very nosey Gojo.

All was good, Gojo didn't ask again and was stuffing his face with the food y/n brought, Sukuna should thank her for making his mouthy friend zip it for more than a minute.

That was untill..

"Y/N TOLD ME SHE BROUGHT RED VELVET CUPCAKES."

Yuuji bursting through the front door ruined everything.

"You liars"

Gojo said before racing to the fridge they kept sodas with Yuuji in toe.

"You lay a finger on MY cupcakes, I'll gut you both."

[gukyi]

in the frosty air | a jjk drabble

summary: two weeks ago you and your roommate slept together. which would be fine, if you knew you both felt the same about each other. but you don’t. and now it’s christmas, and jungkook is still gorgeous and gentle and wonderful and here, and and you don’t really know what to do about that.

{college!au, roommates!au}

pairing: jungkook x reader genre: this is just an angst train tbh, but it has a happy ending! word count: 1.6k warnings: mentions of past alcohol consumption, this centers around everyone’s favorite capitalist holiday, being sad in the wintertime a/n: OHHHHHHHHHH *internet breaks* anyway yeah i’m back baby!!! here’s a little drabble to celebrate because i can’t help myself when it comes to jungkook. love me or we both go down coming soon!

“This Christmas is pretty fucking lame, isn’t it?”

You whip around at the sound of his voice. “Oh, hey. I didn’t hear you come in.”

“I figured,” Jungkook chuckles, bending his head down as he crawls through the open window to join you on the fire escape. The temperature is freezing and the wind is stinging your skin, but it didn’t really feel right to be spending tonight inside. “Saw the window open. Thought you might be here.”

“Yeah. I was probably gonna head inside soon, though.” In the hopes that you would be curled up in your bedroom before Jungkook even got home. Seeing him lately has been hard. “How did your final go?”

“It was alright.” You don’t have to keep looking at him to feel Jungkook taking a seat next to you, crossing his legs over each other as he stares out into the city below you. It snowed a few days ago, and the sidewalks are still covered in that dirty slush that always lingers, wet and cold and black from car tires. Just being beside you makes your heart race, makes your chest tighten. “I was pretty stressed out about it, but then I just sort of remembered that I did my best and that was all I could do, you know?”

“That’s good.” You wish you had that mindset. You spend days studying for an exam and once it’s over, you spend days dwelling on all the things you might have gotten wrong. It’s a philosophy you apply to most aspects of your life. Why you did the thing you did. Why doing the thing you did was the worst thing you could have done. How you will recover from it. If you even will. 

Jungkook sighs. You turn to look at him, just briefly, glance at his side figure, and notice he’s wearing nothing but a giant zip-up hoodie. Isn’t he cold? “It doesn’t really feel like Christmas.”

“Yeah.” You don’t have anything else to say to that. It doesn’t. Which is a damn shame, because you and Jungkook spent the entire beginning of this month turning your tiny, two-bedroom apartment into a winter wonderland. You got a tree to put up next to your TV and decorated with the weirdest ornaments you could find. You hung up those dangly white Christmas lights on the balcony of your fire escape, the ones meant to look like icicles dripping from the metal railing. The radio has been playing nothing but Michael Bublé and Mariah Carey. And yet.

It’s not hard to wonder why this Christmas is such shit. Your spring internship fell through a week ago. Your parents rented a lake house and assumed you wouldn’t be coming with. All of your other friends have gone home already. And Jungkook, perhaps the last person in this whole goddamn city you would have wanted to spend time with, you can’t even bear to look at. 

“How did your finals go?” Jungkook asks, trying to keep the conversation going. 

“They were fine.” At least that torture is over. But living with Jungkook, seeing him every day and knowing that what you have done you can never undo--it’s endless. 

There’s silence. It’s like the two of you simultaneously have no idea and know exactly what to say. Like the words are lingering on the tips of your tongues but your lips are sealed shut. Opening them won’t be like a can of worms. It will be a dam, a waterfall of I’m sorrys and What nows. One week ago, in the heat of the night and in the haze of drink after drink, you and Jungkook made the worst mistake two roommates could ever make. 

“Are you going home this break?” You blurt out the words before you can stop yourself. 

Jungkook sighs. “I’m not sure.”

“It’s okay if you want to.” I get it. I’m not sure if I’d want to hang around and see me either. 

He shrugs. “I just haven’t decided yet.”

He knows that you’re staying. The two of you were so looking forward to spending Christmas together. Now look at you. Jungkook was the perfect roommate. Then everything changed. 

“Okay.” He’s probably just trying to figure out a way to let you down easy. 

Next to you, Jungkook rustles a hand through his pocket. “By the way, uh--I just remembered. I got you something.”

You don’t even have time to object before Jungkook is placing a small fabric box into your open palm, resting on your lap. You look down at the item, at the way your hand seems to envelop it. 

“You didn’t have to--”

“I wanted to.” Jungkook is firm in his response. “Besides, I got it a while ago. Figured now is as good a time as any to give it to you.”

There’s not really anything else to do except open it. Carefully, with trembling fingers, you pull off the lid. Inside sits a dainty silver locket resting amongst a pile of folded tissue paper. You gasp, your breath coming out in smoke in the cold winter air. 

“Oh my God, I--”

“I overheard you talking on the phone saying you wanted one,” Jungkook admits sheepishly. “I wanted to give it to you before I forgot.”

Fingers shaking from the cold, you pull the locket from the box. It dangles from its chain, a delicate little thing, barely the size of a fingerprint. Even on this hazy winter evening, it still catches the light.

For the first time tonight, you look up at him. His eyes are a swirling brown, a deep chocolate. They are unreadable. He offers a small, guarded smile your way, lips pink in the chilly air. “Thank you,” you tell him honestly. This is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for you. 

You can’t accept this without returning the favor. Wordlessly, you get up from the fire escape, rushing indoors for a moment as you grab your gift from your bedroom. It’s been sitting in there for at least two weeks now. You hold your hand behind your back as you make your way back to the fire escape, sitting down next to him once more. 

With a small flourish, you reveal your own present. They’re drumsticks. 

“For you,” you tell him, that same small grin on your face. “Since you’re always drumming on everything. Thought you could use something to do that with.”

Jungkook looks positively starstruck. He takes the sticks in his hands, feels the wood with his fingers, tracing over the logo at the bottom. You aren’t very well versed in the world of drum equipment, but your friend in the orchestra told you it was a good brand. 

“Wow, Y/N,” he says, mouth agape. “This is... this is the most thoughtful thing anyone’s ever gotten me. Thank you.”

“Always.”

And that’s the truth, isn’t it? No matter what you do, no matter what you say, you will always be there to give Jungkook what he deserves. To make his life just the tiniest bit better. Doing thoughtful things for him has never required effort on your part. There is just a part of you that will do them, because he deserves it. Because he is so gentle, and loving, and kind, and wonderful. 

You sit there for a little while longer, relishing in the brief respite of your gift exchange. It’s softened the ice, warmed the air, broken the tension. Even if only a little. But it’s enough to keep you out here, sitting next to him. It’s enough to keep you from drifting away. 

“I don’t regret that night.”

The words feel like biting wind. 

“What?” You turn to him. 

“I don’t. I’d do it again. A thousand times over.” Jungkook is resolute. He looks at you, eyebrows furrowed in determination. 

“Jungkook, what happened that night--”

“Is something I’ll never forget,” he finishes. “Do you know how fucking long I had been waiting to do that? To hold you? Kiss you? To spend the night with you?”

Each syllable presses deeper into your chest, imprinting themselves on your heart. You stare back at him, too shocked to say anything at all. 

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same,” Jungkook adds on, quickly backtracking. “I sort of... got that message when I woke up that morning and you were gone. But I just wanted you to know that that night didn’t change anything about how I feel about you.”

Jungkook’s got it all wrong. You were the one who fucked up. You were the one whose feelings won’t change. “I thought you were the one who didn’t feel the same.”

Jungkook chuckles, this sad, forced cough. “Are you kidding? I’d do anything to relive that night. You’re my favorite person in this whole world, Y/N.”

If the weather were just a little bit warmer, if the wind wasn’t as dry, perhaps tears would fall. But instead, you blink back at him and it feels at once like your heart weighs a million pounds and nothing at all. “Me too,” you choke out. “I never want to be without you.”

Your fire escape is barely big enough for one person, let alone two, but that doesn’t stop Jungkook from reaching over and pulling you in, pressing a chilly kiss to your frozen lips, the heat of his mouth warming you up from the inside out. It’s cold tonight, yes. But Jungkook makes you feel like it’s summer all year long. 

You smile against his lips. They feel like home. They taste like peppermint lip balm and coffee and ice. 

“Do you want me to stay?” He asks. As if he was even thinking about going home anyway. 

“Yes,” you whisper back. 

It feels a lot more like Christmas now. 

“Then I’ll stay.”

↳ don’t forget to message me with any thoughts or feedback! i missed you guys!

[the--blackdahlia]

An Analysis of Shawn Michaels as told by me

1.) Rockers Era (AKA He's a Boy Toy)

Peak 80s fashion right there. Looks like he could be a backup dancer at a Wham! Concert. Not quite a twink, but not quite a twunk either.

2. Barbershop Era (AKA See! I just kicked Marty!)

Heel turn of the century. Performed the kick heard 'round the world. But man, he looked good doing it.

3. The Sensational Sherri Era (AKA Bring it on Luger)

If people thought Lex Luger was full of himself during this time, I’d love to see what they thought of this Shawn era. While I would like to say this was the beginning of him not wearing full shirts, we saw the Rocker era Shawn.

4. The Heartbreak Kid Era (AKA He’s Just a Sexy Boy)

This era is Shawn bringing his attitude to the attitude era. This Shawn literally had 4 friends but pretty much the entire Hart family as enemies. But he still had a way with the crowd and looked damn good doing what he did best.

5. D-Generation X Era (AKA Put on this planet to make Vince’s life a living hell)

WCW had NWO, WWF(E) Had DX, and we think them for that. Them annoying Sgt. Slaughter, Bret Hart, Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon, and well, everyone, were enough to bring audiences in. Probably taught way too many kids to do crotch shots and to say suck it.

6. Commission Shawn Michales (AKA Michaels, Texas Ranger)

All business in the front, party in the backstage. The WWE was his playground. Gave us gems like Paul Bearer vs Big Show. And so began the era of Shawn very rarely being seen without a hat.

7. Rebirth Era (AKA Bring me my brown pants)

Got clean, found Jesus, and all was good. Except now feuding with his friends and friending his enemies. But Shawn had some really good matches and showed what he could really do when he wasn’t under the influence.

8. DX Return Era (AKA Get it on wweshop.com)

Can’t say suck it? No problem, that’s what the audience is for. Literally has the best running gag with Christmas promos and Vince’s love for...poultry. While NWO aged like milk, DX kept people loving them. Now, don’t forget to stop at the merchandise tent for your official D-Generation X toilet paper.

9. End of an Era (AKA He’s double your height, quit poking at him)

Shawn finally decided it was time to call it quits, and what a way to go out? By getting beat to a literal pulp by one of the most respected/feared men in the locker room. But the Heartbreak Kid never does anything half assed.

10. The Retirement Era (AKA If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire Shawn Michaels)

Need someone to Sweet Chin Music someone? Need an (un)biased referee? Need a coach for NXT? Better call Shawn. It wouldn’t be the WWE without him.

[goldenraeofsun]

Day 27: Darkest Hour

November 12, 2020

I’ve dreamed about you every night for the past week. Just like last time. What kind of fucked up is it that I know what it’s like to love you and lose you twice?

Fuck this.

November 16, 2020

Sammy started going to a therapist, probably in some passive-aggressive attempt to get me to go along and talk about my feelings. Joke’s on him, though. It’s never going to fucking happen.

If Mia walked into the room looking like you, I’d probably stab her.

Then again, I stabbed you when we first met, and that didn’t turn out so bad.

Or maybe it did.

December 1, 2020

I told Claire what happened to you. It only took a month. She clocked me right in the face and then started crying. I’ve dealt with so many crying moms, daughters, wives of people I couldn’t save. I used to be so good at it, telling them it was alright, that we’d get the monster responsible, offering them tissues and listening to them babble on about the dead guy’s best attributes.

It was different with Claire. She had nothing nice to say about you, and it hurt.

I know she loved you - or else she wouldn’t be so goddamn angry.

December 3, 2020

I still dream about you.

Every fucking night, I save you. I fight the Empty until it gives up. I pull a spell out of my ass that banishes the Empty forever. I push you out of the way.

I’ve saved you 28 times now, except when it really counted.

How the hell is it worth it to “love” as much as I do if everyone I love leaves? I’d rather feel nothing at all. At least JD gets that.

December 5, 2020

Turns out, Sammy wasn’t going to therapy, the fucking liar. He was researching ways to get you out of the Empty.

He did the spell today and only told me hours later that it didn’t work. Obviously.

I never thought you’d come back before now. But, for a split second, as Sam was telling me about the spell, I thought you both pulled it off. That you were hiding just out the door, waiting for Sam’s signal to make your grand entrance because you’re both dramatic bastards sometimes.

I threw a beer bottle at Sam’s head.

Luckily he ducked, but he’s gone to live with Eileen. He said he’d call when he got there, so at least there’s that.

And then there was one.

December 18, 2020

I found the Christmas present I bought you. Why the fuck I was Christmas shopping in August I have no

Right, you weren’t the type to ever tell us about what you liked. I had to keep an ear to the ground instead, just in case you mentioned this game or that TV show. I got you a record player and a few Joni Mitchell vinyls. She came on the oldies station while we were in Harlan dealing with all those ghosts, and you turned the radio up.

Anyway, you always kept your trap shut about what you really wanted. It was so annoying.

God, if only I knew how true that was. If it was annoying then, it’s goddamn devastating now.

December 24, 2020

The Circle Game can go fuck itself.

I can’t believe I’m crying alone in my room, listening to Joni Mitchell, writing in my diary - or love letters to you. It doesn't matter how you spin it - on Christmas Eve.

If only Dad could see me now.

December 26, 2020

I spent Christmas with Sam at Eileen’s. I thought about giving him Joni, but swapped them out at the last second with some New York Times bestseller I picked up at the bookstore on the way there. I don’t think Sam noticed.

49 times I’ve saved you now.

1 time I failed.

Sam got me another notebook. I didn’t think he even noticed I was doing this.

Anyway, I’ve barely made a dent in this one. Who knows if I’ll even have enough to say to fill it all up. I don’t exactly have a lot of thoughts lately, except for one.

January 3, 2021

Sam just asked me what I wanted for my birthday. It was a solid minute before I could think of something that wasn’t you.

He’s still worried about me.

January 9, 2021

Would a crossroads demon even want my soul anymore?

January 11, 2021

Nobody showed. Big surprise.

January 17, 2021

Sam somehow found out about the deal and didn’t listen when I told him I was pretty certain it wasn’t going to work.

According to Sam, that wasn’t the point.

He locked me out of the goddamn Bunker. Said I should take a last road trip and use that time to say goodbye to you.

But what the fuck did he think I’ve been trying to do for the past three months?

And then there were none.

January 19, 2021

How the hell can I say goodbye when you’re always with me? Just waiting until I fall asleep - and you’re there, about to get sucked into an oblivion. Until I stop it.

And then I wake up in a shitty motel, and you’re stuck in the Empty.

January 21, 2021

I ran into Claire in St. Cloud taking out a ghost. She’s looking better. Gives all the credit to Kaia. They’re together, if you can believe it.

I told her I was proud of her for not waiting a solid decade and change to man up.

She said, “Thanks for your input, Roger Moore,” but I could tell she was pleased. Even the worst James Bond is a step up from Hasselhoff.

January 24, 2021

Florida in the middle of the winter is pretty damn awesome. The locals say it’s too cold, but it’s perfect. In the mornings and evenings, it’s cool enough for jeans, in the afternoon, boardshorts.

Sometimes it feels like I’m on vacation (not that I would know what that’s like), and you’ll still be at the Bunker when I make my way back.

And if I never phone home, you’ll always be there for waiting for me, right?

February 1, 2021

Texas barbeque is like Heaven - better than, actually. Did you know there’s a place that’ll comp your meal if you eat a whole rack of ribs, a 12 oz steak, half a bird, a plate of pulled pork, baked beans, and coleslaw?

I didn’t eat for the next day and a half, but it was totally worth it.

February 14, 2021

Happy unattached drifter Christmas.

Hard to believe the last time I was alone on the road was while Sam was at Stanford. Fifteen years ago.

God, I’m old.

February 26, 2021

I think I might be a horse whisperer. Jesse and Cesar say nobody’s ever taken that quickly to Mercury.

He’s standoffish and prickly, but goddamn if he isn’t the most magnificent horse on the whole damn ranch. He’ll warm up to me if I just keep trying.

Not like I have anything better to do with my time.

March 9, 2021

Luna had a foal! Kind of gross but not worse than any standard monster hunt.

Jesse let me name her. I was tempted by Blondie, but I went with Joni instead. I was going to fuck up their horse naming system anyway. Thought I might as well choose something you’d like.

March 12, 2021

It was time to move on.

They’re so happy retired together, I had to leave before I hit something.

It was fun at first, learning how to take care of the horses, making dinner for more than just one. But the way they touched each other, it just got to me. Jesse always has a smoke after dinner at the table. Cesar doesn’t like the weed smell, but every time he leaves, he squeezes Jesse on the shoulder on his way out.

Once, he kissed the top of Jesse’s head instead.

I took Mercury on an hour-long ride at ten o’clock at night just to get out of that room. But it’s like you were right there, at my heels, the whole time.

March 20, 2021

Alaska is fucking cold in March.

March 27, 2021

Call me sentimental, but I’m going to head back to that barn in Pontiac. Maybe if I say goodbye there, where we first met, it’ll stick.

We outsmarted the Empty for the 141st time last night, and then I woke up alone.

April 2, 2021

It was nice to save you in broad daylight for a change.

Thursday, April 15th

Dean gave me this journal, apparently a “regift” from Sam, to document my life acclimatizing to being human again.

I’ve never written anything before, but Dean says it will help. While I was in the Empty, he said he started keeping his own journal.

However, when I asked to see it, as an example of what kind of writing is appropriate, Dean just changed the subject and started singing “Big Yellow Taxi.”

I had no idea he liked Joni Mitchell.