#idk. this is just a vent i guess
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sucks ass i don’t have anyone to talk through my gender and sexuality and other assorted personal bullshit with tbh
#i have a friend but i don’t really talk to her about this kind of stuff#idk if im just afraid to talk about it in general bc it inherently requires interrogation of the self#and there are things i’m avoiding apparently so im just making excuses to never bring it up#or if i just get the vibes that this isn’t the friendship for those topics#yknow?#idk. i know i got shit to work through and part of that is work i do myself#but then also i know it helps to talk with others about it#about a lot of things actually#so yeah maybe rambling into the void would help but then that’s almost the ultimate echo chamber isn’t it?#i can’t notice a blindspot if i have nobody point it out to me right?#wouldn’t be a blindspot if i could pick up on it#idk. this is just a vent i guess#not necessarily looking for an audience rn bc im still all scribble brained about this shit#nd don’t know where to begin so bringing in another party would be silly and wasteful#to the void with love
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I met the me who made different choices
#idk what this means so dont ask#got the words stuck in my head and this is what I wanted to draw for it immediately#me at my desk. so.#I dont look exactly like this obviously. doesnt matter. anyways#hard time recently in a lot of different ways#lots of work to do!#given up on getting everything done I kind of failed at that. it was too much#so now I'm just trying to get anything done that will make the next 6 months not kill me again#ideally. 3 episodes. or the book#or like at least close enough to that that its basically that#I'm feeling really screwed LOL#I dont know how I've been working every day for so long and still havent done enough...#(its because the work load is way too much)#every time I take 1 hour for myself. to cook. or clean. or draw something else. or play a game. I feel so guilty auauau#I hate webtoon I hate this damn green app...#DOESNT MATTER!!!#what DOES matter is my art is good as hell... look at this shit...#the light. the colors. I love you red I love you green#I need to get more red pants I only have the one pair.#I saw this guy with red pants that had skeleton legs on them and I was like FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!! I need them!!!!#I need to start sewing again. I dont have a sewing machine cause my apartment is too small so I havent sewn in years but I really want to..#I want to make clothes again... I need some vests I need some dresses..#I will not make pants or sleeved shirts because I dont hate myself#sketch#art#vent art I guess LMFAO its not#its just this fun little thing we like to call self expression#also this isnt how my desk setup actually is I scooted things around cause I didnt wanna draw anything twice. fuck it we ball#ok back to work
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I realize that I'm very very late to this party, but I finally caught up with Bluey season 3........Brandy has skyrocketed to most relatable character by a country mile
#it's...actually quite uncanny#i mean i kinda knew it was coming because i've seen people talking about it#but it still hit hard#i...really appreciate that she's the older sister#although tbh i feel like chilli needs to lay off on the subtle judgement over brandy not being around#i feel like people who haven't been in this situation...even if they can sympathize with it intellectually...#i feel like they tend to underestimate just HOW painful and difficult it can be#being shamed for staying away is the LAST thing she needs here#anyways....#not sure how I feel about brandy being pregnant in The Sign#i guess it was intended to be hopeful but...........idk :/#my art#vent
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i see a lot of talk of fellow adhd and autistic folk feeling like they’re too much for other people but i don’t see a lot of talk about feeling like you’re not enough. low energy adhd and autism where it takes a lot of effort to use words so your way of showing affection is to sit there and vibe in people’s presence but it comes off like you’re not paying attention or it’s not “active” enough to count, or forgetting to reply to DMs (or like i said, Words Hard), and it again comes off as you not caring or ignoring people. it’s really hard to be putting in so much effort to maintain friendships you value only for that effort to not be seen, or to be read as apathy, or for it to be seen but still not be what other people want. even worse when you try and talk more and be more active in a relationship but you end up burning yourself out because you don’t have enough energy to maintain it.
#starscream.txt#i struggle a lot with feeling like i’m not Enough of a presence for people#i like to just. listen to people. but i’ve had several people stop talking to me because me just listening comes off as me not caring#or finding them annoying#which it isn’t#and it fucking sucks. idk#i understand RSD and the need for validation so i don’t begrudge anyone that#i just wish i could be met on my field sometimes. i wish my natural behaviors didn’t read like apathy#or annoyance#i wish people could see my ways of showing affection for what they are#vent i guess
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I don’t know how to feel about this Eridan because reasons.
#eridan ampora#homestuck#homestuck fanart#how can I express to others the complexities of my sadness#without coming across as trite#or self important#it’s actually funny that I was drawing Eridan while I felt like that#that deep understanding of how unlikable you’re appearing to others#juxtaposed with an inability to stop yourself from continuing to be pathetic and ugly#you talk to so many people about the same thing over and over#feeling it bubble at the back of your throat like tar in every conversation#and you’ll see it on their faces#the pity#the annoyance#you can’t stop it from bubbling though#you can’t stop yourself from spilling over#idk if this counts as trauma dumping#tw vent#just in case#I Guess
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I think it says something that you got to see everyone’s dead body and were forced to be a participant to Curly’s torture at the hands of Jimmy but we don’t get to see him dead.
You don’t get to see the satisfaction of seeing the true cause of all the pain everyone went through get a single consequence and it’s so hollow. You don’t get a panning shot of his body, you don’t get splatter to show you it was messy. It just happens and then you’re just left there with all the remnants of what happened and unable to do anything because it’s over. It’s done and you don’t get to do anything about. It’s how Curly feels about what he didn’t do. It’s how you feel as you pilot Jimmy and can do nothing to stop him.
It’s how those affected by people like Jimmy feel after it’s all done. Seen some sort of due process or justice after every painful little thing. It doesn’t feel like enough after every, cause maybe it wasn’t enough. Or rather, it wasn’t done soon enough.
#like curly just watches as he’s finally free from Jimmy but left with all he did and all he didn’t do#it’s just so hollow cause it took so long that even if he got something deserved you can’t undo what he did and like#idk I feel like there’s something in the deliberate ways Jimmy is malicious like taking time and not even second guessing#no hesitating to crash the ship like he had so many chances to think of it was the right thing from angling the ship to disengaging the auto#pilot to letting curly run in instead of stopping him like#he could’ve been stopped and that’s where Curly failed but everything after? everything he said curly could’ve fixed if he just fixed the#initial slight? he chose to do deliberately he knew how dangerous the vents were#he had to go out of his way to get Daisuke in there and how he purposely chooses when to call Anya Nurse Anya or just her name#like grrr when I CATCH YOU JIMMY#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#jimmy mouthwashing
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mascot
#this isnt vent dw!!! i dont smoke either i was just kinda going for some sort of vibe#i know its usually played for laughs or like. dark humor whenever ppl draw mascots without their heads and u can see the actor#but i always found it fascinating and a little sobering. ever since i was a kid ive always been hyperaware of ppl in costumes#like. even if i tried to block it out id be thinking the whole time 'its not real. theres a person in that suit who gets paid to do this'#it used to be an uncomfortable nagging feeling but now its like. oh yeah theres someone with a whole life story doing this. idk#i think when i tell ppl im not conscious of my body its like. im not dysphoric or experience dissociation but. at the same time#it feels like my physical body doesnt fully outwardly represent me..?? like some sort of costume#i like to phrase it as being a giant hairless mecha and inside theres a very tiny puppy piloting the damn thing#and the other thing is. when i draw my sona i dont really see it as what i /wish/ i looked like or how i want people to see me#its like being in a costume and just. fucking around with some sort of barrier between myself and others#plus mascots arent allowed to talk and i dont really. engage with other ppl in public spaces that it kinda feels like ad lib#i share a lot abt my life but ironically im also a private person..... i guess it just gives me some sort of control over my identity#my art#myart#my oc#sona#mascot#furry#??? is this furry art????#twinkle#puppysona#edit: had to outline it bc i just realized it looks really weird on dark mode -_-
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Sorry about the lack of content lately, I'm not home at the moment so it's hard to find time to write or draw lol ✌🏻 This year continues to be my busiest lol
#restinsodaroni talking#its not even the fun busy#its like “oh God now what?!” lol#idk I'm just always on my toes more now haha#soda can vent#maybe? i guess?
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I don't feel very well
I feel upset and confused and disappointed
and kind of scared for the future... I don't like when people suffer. i dont want more suffering to happen in this community
I'm still going to try to finish my batch of emote redraws, I think... I only have one more to get done.
I'm trying to distract myself, but it's difficult... I feel like I finally stopped thinking about it entirely the other day and now I can't stop thinking about it again
Please don't harass others, for any reason. it never helps anybody. (i don't think yelling at people on anon is going to do any good either; it's not particularly productive. you should think very carefully about what you say to people and what good you believe it will accomplish.)
and please all be more critical of information you come across in the future... it can help avoid this sort of thing repeating
#yes this is referring to what you think it is#what do i tag this with? i don't know#i dont have any great statements to make about anything#i just feel bad and i don't know what the right thing to do is anymore#im not sure what i should be doing. i dont know#nonspecific nonsense#luna's broadcasts#serious#vent#pansear-doodles#you can ask me about it if you want i guess#idk if ill respond
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My Voice Betrays Me- 4 page comic about being nonbinary.
#this ones very personal#is it just me or does page 3 look blue??? the lines look kinda navy#might put half of it under a readmore if i feel annoyed at the post length#i want to format the images 2 by 2 but i feel like this is a better reading experience#ughhhh im just being picky about the formatting. whatever#art#digital art#nonbinary#transgender#sona art#agender#genderqueer#dysphoria#tw dysphoria#<- i guess?? idk im trying to be careful#comic#whats the point of being an artist if you dont make weird vent art at least once a month
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realized a drawing i'm doing rn is almost identically posed to one i did 8.5 years ago of a different oc, except the old drawing was instantly tainted by one of the players featured messaging me asking if i could take it down because their abusive, possessive rp partner saw it and got jealous of them "roleplaying behind their back" and i said "nah" and it became a whole Thing that i should have walked away from at that exact moment but didn't and the 6 months that followed contained some of the most truly condensed batshit i have ever witnessed in an rp community already well-known for its batshittery.
... anyway i love my friends. so happy to accidentally redeem the pose.
#idk if ill ever open up completely about that shitshow but#i think 8 years is past the statute of limitations to vaguepost about it#late tag addition but man now i'm thinking about it all at 4am#how did in the good goddamn did i witness that and still not only let them make me an officer#but also let them put me functionally in charge of their guild IC#while those two fucked off and erped in instanced zones or played overwatch#and i and my then-rp-partner took the heat for the meandering plotline#until my partner vented to the wrong person about the abuse#and it got back to them#and we got to experience the surreality of an honest to god guild coup#all to salvage the image of some egomaniac abuser#certified fucking wra moment#its been 8 years and thinking about how i was treated in the end makes me feel sick lol#they made a new guild discord and invited everyone but us#and when i noticed the channel had gone quiet i asked what was up#and was met with gaslighting about how i'm 'thinking too much' about the channel being a 'little slow'#and it took pushing to get an early admission of what was about to happen#so we logged on and quit ourselves#which fucked up the narrative they had constructed#and they lied in the new channel that WE were the ones doing a 'coup' and that we stole the members who left with us#i guess i am opening up after all#i had to play the fucking villain of that scenario for the past 8 years#all to protect the mental health of people who hurt me#why#if you were there and know what i'm referencing with all of this... there's the fucking story#the person in question is a massively popular artist#i just dont have it in me to fight that fight
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I had a rough day and needed to word vomit this out to cope, which is why it doesn't have my usual formatting. GN!Reader, warning for some brief mentions of crying, but other than that it's just Bucky taking care of his partner 💙
Bucky holding you after a bad day at work, keeping you close to his chest and gently wiping your tears with his thumb as you recount the events of the day, listening intently to you vent. He presses little kisses to your forehead as you cry it out, and gets you water once you've calmed down. He refuses to leave your side until you've downed the entire glass because "you cried a lot, Doll. I just don't want you to get dehydrated."
Bucky carries you into the bathroom once you're done, cradling you against his body as he runs you a bath. He was just going to let you lay back and relax while he cooked your favorite meal and turned down your bed so it was nice and ready for you to fall into when you got out, but how could he say no to those pleading eyes you gave him when you asked him to join you? He opts to put in an order at your favorite takeout place and strips down before settling in behind you. You're in his arms as soon as his body hits the water, flesh and metal enveloping you in a cocoon of love and warmth. He takes his time washing your hair, peppering your back and shoulders with with kisses.
Bucky helps you out of the tub after he excuses himself so that he can throw on some clothes and grab you something warm to wear: your favorite pair of jogging shorts, the Henley that keeps disappearing from his top drawer, and a hoodie that he's been wearing a lot lately, knowing that you love how it smells like him. He turns down the bed as you get dressed, and somehow timed the food delivery out perfectly, so he gets you settled in bed before running to meet the delivery driver.
You and Bucky eat in bed, and once you two are done he lays in your lap and lets you play with his hair, knowing that it helps you calm down.
Bucky watches you start to sway, the way you fight to keep your eyes open, and asks if you're ready for bed. You beg him for some skin-on-skin, though you really don't need to. He would give you the universe if you asked him to. He helps you out of his your shirt before stripping off his own and hugging you to his chest. You nuzzle into him, stroking your fingers up and down his happy trail as you happily fall asleep on his chest, your bad day long forgotten as you doze off in his arms.
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Had an absolute nightmare of a day at work and when I told my family about it my mom made it all about her like she ALWAYS does and my dad was at least sympathetic but just gave me like a sympathetic shoulder pat and all I want is a hug but no one in my family really does that so now all I want is a Bucky to hold me and tell me it's all gonna be okay and take care of me so... This happened
#bucky barnes#james bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes fluff#mcu#vent fic#kind of?#idk man i just feel alone and ignored and touch starved and the fact i had a bad day isnt helping so... this is a coping mechanism i guess#joys of having a narcissistic mother: when i have a bad day and am looking for some baseline human empathy i know im not getting it from he
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Guys help I think Crowley is possessing me I am very suddenly overcome by such a WAVE of love for Aziraphale????
I mean I've always loved him but Jesus Christ it just got turned up to 100 suddenly I mean he's just so GOOD isn't he???!!!
He's so kind and he's so nice and he's so PRETTY I mean have you seen him in his little outfit with the comfortable-old-couch waistcoat he refuses to ever take off and the silly little bowtie he thinks is so stylish and you know it actually KIND OF IS but ONLY on him??!?! and that beige coat that suits him so well and he just looks so well put together and also so soft and cozy at the same time like HAVE YOU SEEN HIM???
And he's so gentle and he's so full of love for everyone and everything and he always tries So Hard to do the right thing... and he's so ready to change his mind about what The Right Thing is when he is presented with new information like that is such a rare trait!
And he's so FUN, you know all his weird little hobbies I mean who collects old prophecy books and misprinted bibles ONLY this weirdo!! And he's so obsessed with silly little magic tricks that aren't even magic at all when he could very easily do real magic instead but noooo, making people think you're doing real magic when your Not Actually doing real magic is so much more fun apparently idk??? And he collects licenses (shooting guns, driving cars, literally who knows what else, at this point I wouldn't be surprised if my guy knew how to scuba dive and fly a plane), and he learned French the hard way just because?? He likes learning I guess?? And he's so bad at it, it's so silly it's Infuriating but it's also so endearing he's taking such JOY in it!!
And maybe you'd THINK that's all he is, sweet little goofball, but no!!!! Beneath all that soft exterior, this very intentionally soft and fun and kind exterior that he's carefully cultivated for millennia, he's also so incredibly brave. I think about how he was ready to face the thing he feared the most, to save three innocent kids. He was so ready to give up everything he had, fall from grace and spend eternity in hell, just so these kids could live. Just so that family would be spared the grief. Just so they could have a few more short years of human happiness. He lied to his boss for justice and he lied to GOD for justice and he somehow got away with it who does that??? AZIRAPHALE IS WHO. And he Never backs down did you see him pick up his little sword at almost-Armageddon when Lucifer himself rose from hell to end it all and my angel was ready to fight Satan Himself if he had to HELLO???
And then he blew up his halo and casually declared war on hell to save two humans and his former boss and his bookshop what a fucking badass!!?!?
And have I mentioned how pretty he is yes I have but it's worth mentioning again because have you seen his eyes?? Color of the fucking sky, they are, and his nose is so perfectly shaped and his stupid lips with his stupid cupid's bow, and his hair!! Is just so Damn soft it's and I just want to watch him be himself and do his thing but I also want to HOLD him and protect him and keep him safe from everything because if anything ever happened to him I-... UGH.
I don't KNOW.
I JUST LOVE HIM SO MUCH.
#good omens#aziraphale#crowley#so this???#just happened#I swear this started out as just me listing things I love about Aziraphale but#idk how or when but my brain went into Crowley mode apparently#idek how to tag this#rant I guess#love vent#hi Crowley welcome to my brain but next time you want to possess someone maybe a word of warning first with peace and love bestie#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#god Aziraphale is such a character#he's SO GOOD#also Michael Sheen is very beautiful#okay yeah I swear I'm normal about them <3#ngk
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#my little brother is engaged :/#don’t know if any of you remember me posting about the whole situation like 8 months ago but i feel soo weird#and sad because i want to b happy for him but he’s six yrs older than her and she’s 19..#or i guess twenty now maybe whatever i feel so aggh. and he moved to a different country so i just feel like i’m never gonna see him again#like i knew this was coming they’re both super religious so i was like yeah they’re going to want to get married and have kids fast but.#it just feels crazy. i know that’s selfish but i have such a bad gut feeling about it that i can’t shake#but i can’t do anything about it so. idk. i just feel so lonely when things like this happen because i don't have anyone outside of the#family bubble to talk to about it. and obviously everyone else is like super happy for them. and it's not that i don't like her! i just#don't really? know her? at all which feels weird because we are a very close sibling group and i feel like i know & get on with my other#siblings' partners. i think it's partly like i just don't ever hang around people who are under twenty so she feels really young to me#which isn't her fault obviously but. do feel kind of scared for her getting married at twenty so she can start having babies.... idk idk#and obviously on top of that it's my younger brother so it does feel a little salt in the wound that he's moving on with his life and i am#counting it a win these days if i don't want to kms every three minutes#god it just sucks lol and i can't talk about it 2 anyone so i am venting here
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A promise is a promise…
I wonder what will go wrong this time…
mhh…
#Thank you for 10k!#I guess…#man…#delete later#vent incoming#I'm really scared that something bad will happen again…#that’s why I've been avoiding doing another event but… I guess we gotta face our fears…#still… idk man#idk if it’s my ocd or my anxiety but I've been getting these thoughts…#thoughts of me d/ing next year… just out of nowhere and idk why they've appeared#but they sure are distressing and tiring#AND EVERY THIME I DO AN EVENT SOMETHING HAPPENS#AND I'M SO SCARED OF MY D/ING IS THAT THING#THE BRAIN IS SUCH A MAGICAL BUT SO CONFUSING THING TO UNDERSTAND#…guess letting everyone know this makes me feel a bit better#though I think this will be the last event I’ll make… I want to focus on other stuff…#thanks for listening#<3<3<3
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it's such a strange and demoralizing experience to go from having oodles of y'all thirst for me on here and then go to the club irl (on pride weekend too) and have not one person even try to talk to me. idk just kinda. weirdly disheartening.
#reality check i guess#im just like. oh. cool. so im not actually attractive irl for some reason.#just a really strange and sudden kick to the chest#idk#all that's to say im not feeling particularly good about myself rn#nixie yaps#vent#i guess
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