#idk. i had a very hard time as a trans kid and i was very sad and angry and hurt pretty much all the time

[trans-axolotl]

i love being transgender so much actually. like my transgender friends and lovers and chosen family have brought me so much joy. my transgender body delights me + i love my top surgery scars. even despite everything i'm so glad i came out when i did and it's not like I chose to be trans, but I would choose it again + again + again because it has been worth it.

[melled42]

Idk if this is a huge request or not, but could you explain more about Bell? (The shitten in your au)

I would be thankful, take care.

Yeah, ive done like... 3 pieces of her max but she gets SO many asks lol. the story isn't really ready for her yet, and i'd like to finish what im working on before i do more with her, but i'll give the basic rundown.

she LITTERALY started as a joke baby post but she got so much interaction i said i'd expand on her design and now she seems to just have a following of simps (oops, like lamb like daughter)

most of the old ideas for ewen and nari with her are out of date now on the art, but heres a bunch of plot and some unposted sketches under cut

Nari and Ewen are married and leading the cult still. all the siblings have kids, grandkids and even great grandkids (excluding shamura). Its only after they decide having a child is someone for them to love and raise, not someone who they're forcing the cycle of trauma on that they have Bell. And they adore her. While growing up, one by one, the former bishops, all her aunts, uncles, and shamura decided it was time to peacefully end their long lives. So she sees death as a good thing, the satisfying end to a long life story. So when Ewen and Narinder are ready to die together, even though they say she doesn't have to, she takes on the crown and ends if for them with a last "i love you" between them. She runs the cult now which is more themed around their shared neck wound "rings" and their relationship than just the lamb. She's called "the black sheep" by her followers (or queen if they're kinky, princess when shes younger). she wields the crown as a pair of horns and a sythe, sine the cult of the black rings also referenced Ewen's large black horns and she keeps up the theme.

Baal and Aym are her "brothers" (more of her body guards and technically her cousins but she refuses to call them anything else) and her body guards, staying after their master's death. They've known her since she was a baby and still treat her as one sometimes. She's VERY protective over them, but also will bully them sometimes, like kicking their asses when training and saying they're just going easy on her like when she was a kid, knowing full well she's overpowered by the crown.

Because shes such an oddity, the mystic seller assigned one of their followers to keep an eye on her and, much like her "ba ba" she found the overpowered demigod shes now obsessed with. With some help from Ewen before they passed, they were able to translate their glyphs. Now that helper follows her around disguised as a poor imitation of a regular mortal to better understand her and the mortal realm. Or at least thats what she convinced them to do since she wants them around <3 probably not to their masters liking lol. I haven't decided on a name yet. Bell eventually give them the purple crown (they/it)

Before they left, Narinder was trying to reawaken the crowns, whether for the memory of his siblings, or that the cult was growing too large to be centered on the red crown. They're not very powerful right now and Bell is the leader of the others, more like a babysitter.

The blue crown is with Kalliope (kalli for short) (she/her), a distant relative of Kallamar's who had to fight, both physically and socially, with all her other of age relatives to get the chance, since Kallamar's polycule made a LOT of kids and grand kids. She's kind of bitchy about it and whines about everyone not respecting her or how hard she worked. shes a flamboyant cuttlefish and trans femme. also the crown is worn like an earring. Bell has little tolerance for her and they have a lot of bitchy girl fights.

The green crown is with isop (a kinda combo of isopod and aesop) (he/him) who is a rubber ducky isopod. he's Leshy's great great grandkid, and really only god the crown because no one else on the peaceful forest farm leshy put together in his later years really wanted it and figured it meant free babysitting. he's pretty young and small with a fascination for chaos and violence that only little kids without developed social perception can have, though he more watches at this point. The others tend to carry him or he rolls around in a little ball. The crown is worn like glasses.

The orange crown is with Mycelia (lia for short) (they/them plural) who is a homunculus mushroomo made through experimentation by Heket and Sozo before they died. they're the only one who is actually older than Bell. They're undying because they're a hive mind of all the mushroomo, who have been progressively growing. They can see everything the others see, can spout new bodies when needed and even feed on their own dead bodies. Bell sometimes just kills them when they're frustrated with them or other things. They'd be a threat but they're very monotone and emotionless about pretty much everything and don't care. They've worked with the red crown just because death is a natural boon to fungus and keeps them alive. The orange crown is worn as a necklace.

Heres some sketches since I haven't been able to get the designs to my liking but people keep asking so :T

[conceptofjoy]

could you please explain how you think rose's gender/gender presentation works (i really like your interpretations of these things and. also rose lalonde)

YUEESSS. i have posts sprinkled about my blog at varying levels of understanding of rose's character. i can summarize the recent one better now.

rose was flexing her punk muscles when she got in the game, her alternative and contrarian wardrobe is a stark contrast to her mother's clothing. she totally felt invincible, and she acted and dressed like it too. of course, she was under the thumb of doc scratch at the time, and crashed hard post cascade, but you can kinda see the 180 in clothing style when she tried to be more mature for her date with kanaya.

light colors, drinking to be more closer to her mother who she has complex feelings about, it's very... inline with mainstream fashion trends? not that that's a bad thing, but it's a visual indicator of her thought processes. this is what she thinks is what she SHOULD be doing, wallowing in the regret for the relationships she had with her mom. that's not to say that the date was like,,, cishet in the slightest LMFAO. this happens in parallel to the dirkjake volcano scene. its supposed mean like HEY, these fucked up teens are going about this the wrong way!!! i could analyze that, but the post would be too long.

im a big fan of tfem rose getting a godtier 'cis' body "at the cost of her mother's death". roxy's also a trans girl to me, triptychgardner has a lot of stellar posts about trans woman rose's mom and was rlly who opened my eyes to rose's gender.

in the end, queerness is like... the final revelation every kid starts to come across. doing what is good for YOU, and trying to shake the cultural roles that try to hold back their self actualization. a few posts ago, i was like how does a queer identify what is them and what is beliefs planted in them by society,,, LOL IDK. it just seems like rose would be happier if she was gnc and a studfem.

[vaquerolvr]

would Love to hear the sexuality headcanons

hehe thank you for giving me a chance to yap >:3

friendly reminder that these are all fictional characters and you don’t have to agree with me, just don’t be mean pls

price

token cishet but he has slept with men

experimented when he was younger and came to the conclusion that he likes women

but if he really liked someone he wouldn’t be too bothered by gender

gaz

gay gay homosexual gay

realized his sexuality pretty young but didn’t come out until he was a teenager

his mom caught him googling ‘boys kissing’ when he was 12 and he cried so hard he threw up

his family’s supportive but they still bully him over that

ghost

aromantic/asexual

not romance or sex repulsed, just doesn’t really think about it

wouldn’t mind dating but he’s not going out of his way to meet someone

probably nonbinary but he has a job rn

soap

bisexual

doesn’t have a gender preference but likes buff people

also trans

was a typical ‘tomboy’ when he was younger

it wasn’t until he saw a trans person in a tv show that he realized “oh!! i can do that!”

alejandro

pansexual

it took him forever to come to terms with his sexuality because he grew up in a religious family

but his parents took it surprisingly well

and his siblings just bully him for still being single

like this meme basically:

rudy

gay

spent several years ignoring it and didn’t come out until his twenties

the reaction from everyone was just “we know”

had a crush on alejandro when they were teenagers, until he saw alejandro snort a ramen flavor packet and instantly lost all feelings

graves

bisexual

didn’t accept that he was attracted to men until he was like 30

cried when he watched brokeback mountain for the first time then spent the next decades repressing that feeling

has a very unhealthy relationship with sex but that’s a topic for another time

makarov

aromantic/heterosexual

has no interest in romance, he’s too busy Scheming

is also pretty uninterested in sex unless it’s with someone he knows and trusts

keegan

straight

just loves women idk what else to say

trans guy swag

was hyper feminine as a kid to mask dysphoria

when he came out as a teenager he took a hard turn into more alternative fashions

HE’S T4T- *gets shot*

nikolai

unlabeled

attracted to men and women but could not care less about labeling

nikolai live reaction to being asked if he’s gay/straight/bi:

valeria

bisexual with a preference for women

her type is women and twinks

never had a coming out moment, just brought home her girlfriend one day and her family rolled with it

[doberbutts]

I’m kinda new to tumblr so idk if this is like, improper, but that recent shit about your folks sucking was rough. just like, to read. I can’t even imagine how hard it sucks to be there right now. but idk I wanted to shoot an anonymous ask and just be like “hey you’re gonna make it” which I know you already know but figured it would be nice to hear from someone else too, so. hang in there fellow trans person and fuck your family’s behavior

Oh I never did really fully explain what was happening did I?

My great aunt died on December 1 and it wasn't particularly unexpected (she was very old, and her husband died a few years ago on Dec 3) but it was quite sudden and without much warning. I drove to my parents' house to mourn and help with funeral arrangements and it was my first time visiting since right before covid and also since starting medical transition. I figured I'd be enduring a lot of misgendering and the like but wanted to be there for my aunt because I had a lot of wonderful memories of celebrating Christmas at her house with her and my uncle.

An assortment of little comments added up over the next 24 hours until my mother effectively called me stupid unprompted to my face as I drove her from my sister's house back to her own, because I'd said that my niece and nephew were quite smart and that wasn't an abnormality within our family. This is referring to my graduating at 16 and testing well into genius for my IQ, my sister winning several national awards for her poetry and essays, my adult nephew graduating at 17 and only because of an August birthday, both of my parents having masters degrees they earned on scholarships they were given due to their own strong writing, etc and now my niece is skipping a grade and my nephew is averaging well above his grade level and likely will skip a grade too. So I said something about being a family of smart kids and my mom more or less went "well one of my kids isn't very bright" and then looked hard at me.

I'm the only college drop out of my siblings, and with a worse gpa. It's also not the first time she's called me stupid but normally not in so many words or out of left field like that so it cut pretty deep especially considering all the other bs I'd been putting up with since arriving.

I voiced discomfort with what I had (correctly) assumed she meant as a joke, which turned into an argument, which made me have the realization that this is not my home and has not been my home in some time and in fact the reason my mental health improved rapidly when I left is because I got away from her and all of her nasty little comments she doesn't think are a big deal and now I'm having a panic attack and oh- this is a trauma response. I am back in the same house, the same bedroom, the same situation, and I am being triggered, and I am having a trauma freak out, and it has been a very long time since this place and these people have been anything but detrimental to me.

TO HER CREDIT she did come into my bedroom late that night and stated that she couldn't sleep because she felt awful because clearly she seriously misstepped and did not actually mean to hurt me this badly but at that point the damage was done. We talked it out and then we both cried ourselves to sleep in our respective bedrooms and then I woke up with covid the next day and drove the 5 hours back home so I could access healthcare in my state with my state insurance.

And I don't think I will ever go back there willingly, at least not to stay overnight. I'll come up with a reason that I have to stay at a hotel or something.

So anyway long story short the issue was relatively shortlived and I am now back to normal but WOW that was a BAD night. I have not had a night like that in a very long time.

[goat-guy-tm]

Mouthwashing headcanons that I cannot get out of my head;

Organized by character cause I'm normal

Jimmy is at the very bottom so you can skip him if you want.

This bitch is long and took me like two hours to write I wanna lay down...

Curly:

Bisexual Trans man because honestly he has a bit of t-boy swag

For some reason I have convinced myself he's 37. IDK why.

Comes from a pretty big family. He's the second eldest of 8 kids, his older sister is technically only a half sister but still.

He has two moms and one abusive/dead beat dad. Idk I can't explain it I just feel it in my brain that he's got two moms.

He's a mama's boy but in like a good way, not a weaponized incompetence way.

He's technically a nepo baby. His grandfather on his bio-mom's side is a director/board member of Pony Express, thus why Jimmy constantly talks about him "getting his life handed to him on a silver platter". His grandfather actually had nothing to do with him getting the job, as he has a different last name and no one actually realized they were related for a WHILE. He is the reason Curly dreamed of being a space-crafy poilt though.

He smokes cigarettes often. When he gets stressed he smokes a lot more, but he's in denial that it's a problem. Jimmy got him into smoking in the first place, peer preassuring him into it. Jimmy now conviently always seems to have packs of cigarettes on him during hauls when Curly never brings them, specially for when Curly gets stressed. (Not in like a gay way, in like a manipulative way to keep him subconsciously needing Jimmy in some way)

He is surprisingly strict when it comes to "no fraternizing with subordinates". He likes to keep his work and personal life seperate, and especially to not allow any feelings to be developed for any of his crew mates.

His first name is Grant, he was named after his father and eventually grew to hate his first name because of how horrible his father was, but he keeps his first name because his mom likes it on him, it helps her connect better memories to that name instead of the horrible ones his father gave her.

Jimmy was his only friend for a while, which is why he is so die hard about wanting to believe Jimmy is a good guy, plus Jimmy manipulating him for so long to believe Jimmy was the victim of a lot of stuff.

He is a fucking mountain of a man when it comes to muscles. Bro is buff as fuck and scary when he wants to be.

He's been the captain of the Tuplar since he became a captain (roughly 11 years). That ship is his baby.

Anya:

She's omni, if you asked her to really identify her sexuality she would say it's complicated, but she just says she's bisexual.

I feel like she's in her early/mid 30's for some reason? Like 33 at the time of the game. I know realistically she could more so be like, 26-28 (assuming she tried getting into med school the SECOND she was graduating high school)

She's been part of the Tuplar's crew for roughly 4 years, she was transferred to them after getting the medical certification from Pony Express to be an on-board nurse. Before that she had worked with another crew for a while.

She also smokes cigarettes. Significantly less than Curly does, but she still does from time to time. She started after her 4th try into med school, where she then got extremely drunk to cope with failing again, and had drunkenly bought a pack of cigs. She eventually regretted it, but was also in such a low point mentally that she thought "why the hell not" and started smoking regularly. Eventually she smoked more when stressed, which was when she was studying or getting ready for an exam of some kind. Because of this her regular smoking went to her smoking a fuck ton before and after stressful events (mostly tests) because her body has subconsciously attached to that helping her study.

She is an only child. Her mother died when she was a teen, which eventually led to her and her father having an estranged relationship. After her mother's death, her father went into an almost debilitating depressive state, becoming an extreme workaholic and albeit unintentionally neglecting Anya during her teen years. Now-a-days they are doing much better and are trying to reconnect with each other. Her father adores her and becomes devastated when news of her death on the Tuplar eventually reached him.

While Anya is not shy in any way, she is commonly seen as so simply because she keeps to herself a lot.

She worries quite a lot about money since her family didn't make a lot in the first place, and her mother was a big financial gash on them, which led to pretty extreme finance anxiety.

She's actually a big horror fan, especially horror books and often gets a bit too into them and feels like she's being weird about them, but no, she just really likes them.

Her intrest in phycology is spurred on by this, as reading phycology books makes her start to wonder about villian's reasonings. Jimmy would have been an interesting case for her if he hadn't been who he was.

If asked about any of her interests she will start to excitingly info dump, only to get embarrassed and stop, and refusing to continue when told it's fine.

Caffeine addict. She gets ungodly amounts of extra esspresso in any coffee she drinks.

She would read Warrior Cats.

Daisuke:

Pansexual trans guy. You see that Hawaiian shirt? That's peak t-boy swag right there. Lost his mind when he learned Curly was trans too.

Most likely either 20 or 21, making him the baby of the crew. Swansea balks at him every time Daisuke mentions it cause he's the same age as Swansea's kids.

He is autistic, one of the biggest reasons he has trouble figuring out what he wants to do with his life as he physically is not capable of imagining what his life will be like a few months from the present.

He would have been a DeviantArt kid, and an Animal Jam kid.

He gave the whole crew fursonas within the first week of working there. He also gave them ponysonas, but then he threw away Jimmy's after hearing what he said about Polle.

I feel like he has an affinity for small bugs. He loves saving them from being stuck in rooms, and get actually really angry when someone kills one for no reason. He snapped at Jimmy once for smushing an ant that had somehow gotten onto the ship. Reasonably there was no way to save it but Daisuke was still pissed about it.

He has a pretty strained relationship with his mother, even though he is still actively trying to gain her approval. His dad is pretty removed from his life, his dad is there, but anytime Daisuke asks his dad to stand up for him or anything his dad just shrugs and tells him to just talk it out with his mom. His mom doesn't want to talk it out. That's why he tries to get Swansea's approval, and especially feels bad when he gets injured in the vents Swansea specifically told him not to touch. (His cousins are the ones to hold the funeral for him, his mother says she wishes he would have at least done something productive before dying like that. [she's half an asshole, half going through immense guilt])

He is an only child. He had always wanted to be a big brother, and had asked for a little sibling so many times but his parents kept refusing, eventually he stopped asking but he still wished he could have been an older brother.

He has a really weird addiction to root beer.

I can't explain it but I feel like he'd be a big SCP Foundation nerd.

Swansea:

CisHet ally. Everyone is scared he is homophobic when they first meet him, but he knew his kids were gay before they did.

He was a veteran. Ended up getting medically discharged which was one of the things leading him into his alcoholic days.

He has three kids; two daughters and one son.

He has been working on the Tuplar almost as long as Curly. He joined the original original crew about 5 years into Curly being captain.

If Curly wasn't the only one allowed to use the food synthesizer and if they had actual food on the ship he would have been cooking meals for the crew every night to feel like he was at home again.

He pretends to hate it, but his music taste is 90% white girl pop. He also listens to like metal and rock, but still.

A girl dad through and through. His daughters are the world to him. Extra why he was so pissed and passive aggressive with Jimmy after Anya told him what he did to her.

Had a punk 'phase' during his teens. Still punk in beliefs, just not apparencies.

He's one of those old Brexit geezer types.

He and Curly keep betting on football (soccer) whenever not on hauls. Spoiler; Curly keeps losing.

His family and Curly's are actually surprisingly close. Whenever their respective family members are off on hauls during the holidays the two families spend them together.

I like to imagine his wife's name is Ophelia. I can't explain why, I just feel like she has some ethereal real pretty name.

His wife and Curly's moms have girls nights every week. Eventually Anya got roped into them when the ladies learned of her (to Curly's dismay).

He won't admit it, but he acted like a dad even before Daisuke joined the crew. He found himself often looking out for Curly when he thought the younger wasn't taking care of himself.

He has hand made bracelets from all his kids in his dorm. He hides them to keep up the tough guy act.

Jimmy: (cw; mentions of obsession, codependency and referenced suicide)

He thought he was bisexual, but it actually is just a really bad obsession with Curly. Otherwise I chose not to think about his sexuality.

He is the same age as Curly, 37, but maybe a few months younger than him (which is another thing he holds against Curly for some reason).

He joined the Tuplar crew a few years before Anya did, but wasn't promoted to co-pilot until the year Anya joined the crew.

He unironically uses Reddit and 4chan

One of his only hobbies includes doxing kids online.

He is like, the worst kind of brony you could have the misfortune of meeting.

He is an orphan and has been since his pre-teen years. It's what left him with nothing and did horrible things to his mental perception of his life.

He met Curly when they were both about high school age. He instantly became attached to him and would get extremely jealous when Curly would seem to have any other friends beside him.

Because of this he became very manipulative to Curly, constantly playing the victim card and then acting like Curly not believing him meant Curly hated him. This got to Curly pretty bad, and is one of the only reasons they stayed friends for so long.

The only reason he got into weight lifting is because he knew Curly worked out regularly, but it never really entertained him so he barley did it.

He thought he held power over Curly, unbeknownst to him he had actually made himself quite co-dependent on him.

The only reason he started working for Pony Express was because Curly had. He became quite angry though when they were not originally put onto the same crew, and weren't until Curly was promoted to a captain and given his own ship.

This is when he started the "Curly gets whatever he wants and was handed his life" thought, trying to find any way to reason why Curly was promoted so young and fast but he wasn't.

Even with his obsession with Curly, he doesn't spend a lot of time with him outside of hauls. His feelings would filp flop between obsession and disgust towards him. It doesn't help that Curly's family doesn't like him anymore.

He calls Curly 'Grant' because he knows Curly hates it and only ever does it to piss him off and then call him an asshole for getting mad at him, cause they are supposed to be friends, aren't they?

In his mind, if he isn't in some way better than Curly then he is nothing.

It wouldn't be till before he takes his own life that he realizes Curly is his life and has been since they were teens, and that without Curly he felt like he was nothing.

[romanarose]

You'd Love Me If I Was a Worm, Would You Love Me If I Was A Man?

Santiago Garcia x transman!reader

Masterlist : Triple Frontier Masterlist

Made for the Oscar/Pedro Pride Event

Summary: You're Santi's wife or so he thinks, he loves you very, very much... You're scared to ruin it with honesty.

Or

You come out as trans to Santi

Warnings: Pretty mild, Santi is perfect. Gender dysphoria, body dysphoria, mentions of conversion therapy.

AN: This is just based on my feelings right now. IDK exactly how I identify, but doing things like cutting my hair and dressing more masculine has helped me a lot. No one needs to cut their hair short to be a man, trans or otherwise, nor does a trans person NEED surgery or any changes. This is simply based on my experience. People feel this differently.

1k words

“How’s my favorite girl?”

Santi greeted you as he came home, finding you in your bathroom staring at your face and your body in your underwear, cringing at him calling you a girl but trying to hide the visceral reaction. You hated your hair, you hated how feminine it made you look, but you knew Santi loved it, so you kept it long and usually in a ponytail.No matter how hard you tried, no matter the body positivity, no matter how good you objectively looked and how Santiago worshiped it, none of it felt right to you. You’d been considering telling him how you’d been feeling for some time, but it felt selfish. How could you tell him you thought you might be a man when he fell in love with a woman?

He clocked your cringe, as he always did your discomfort. “What’s wrong, bebita?”

You shake your head. “Nothing, just tired.”

“I don’t believe you for a second, c’mon.” taking your hand, Santi pulls you into the bedroom and sits you down with him, his eyes pleading with you for honesty. “You can talk to me, it’s okay.”

Your eyes fill up with tears, stressing out and over thinking it all so much. “It’s not fair to you.” You begin to cry, and it isn’t. This isn't what Santi signed up for when he married you. He married his wife, not whatever was happening to you right now. You should’ve told him, you should’ve been honest with from the start. “I thought this would go away, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I lied to you!”

Horrified at the tears, Santiago pulls you into his arms. “Oh honey… whatever it is, you can tell me, please. Nothing is too much, you’re my wife, and I’m gonna take care of you, always.” 

It couldn’t be hidden anymore. You had to be honest before you wasted more of his time. Pulling back, you look him in the eyes, your own still watering. “I don’t… I don’t think I’m your wife…” You watch his eye widen and you realize your choice of words was poor. “Nonono! Not like that!” You’re quick to reassure him you aren’t leaving him. He’ll probably leave you, however. “I just mean…” Big breath. “I feel… like I’m a man.”

He looked confused for a second before recognition registered on his face.

“Oh… how long have you felt this way?” You couldn’t get a read on his reaction yet, but he still held your hands.

“I really, really long time, Santi. I thought I’d grow out of it…”

He nods. “Since you were a kid?”

“Yeah.” You sniffle. “I tried to tell my parents but… they… They sent me away.”

Santiago’s face hardened at that. “Conversion therapy?”

Memories flooded back to what you suffered there, creating a fresh bout of tears down your face. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I tried to put it away but nothing worked! I know you probably don’t want me any more but please, please I’m gonna try, I can go to therapy again-”

You try to tell him that you can change, to give you a chance and you’ll fix it, trying to walk yourself back into the closet after being out less than 5 minutes, but he cuts you off with a kiss.

“Baby,” He stresses, pain on his face as cups your cheek with his hands, thumbing away a tear. “I’m not leaving you, and you are not going to conversion therapy, you hear me? That is not happening. We’re gonna do whatever we need to do to make you feel comfortable with yourself, okay? If that means transitioning, then we’ll make it happen.”

In shock, you blink. “But… Santi, you’re not gay…”

Santiago chuckles a little. “I don’t really know how this works, to be honest. I didn’t think I was either but… I love you. I’m attracted to you. That’s what I know.” When you didn’t look convinced, he continued. “Remember all the times you asked me if I’d love you if you were a worm?”

You giggle a little at the memory, beginning to feel better. “Yeah, you were confused.”

He nods with a smile. “Yeah, so were most of the guys. But Will told me it’s not about if I’d actually love you if you were a worm, because you’d never actually be a worm. It’s about being reassured that no matter what, I’d still be yours and you’d still be mine. So I told you I’d make you a little garden like Oscar the grouch has for wormy.”

You’re smiling now too. “And read me worm versions of fairy tales before bed.”

“And kiss your little worm head, because I love you. So, if you feel like you are a man, and you want to live life as man and if that makes me gay then yeah. I’m gay. I don’t really care about that. I care about you.”

"And... maybe, maybe its not even that I'm a man... just maybe not fully a woman?"

"Like, one of those in between things?"

You laugh at his wording. He may not have the best terminology, but he tries.

He sighs softly, holding your face. "If you feel like you're non... binary?" He asks questioningly, and you nod so he continues. "Or half and half or non at all... that's okay too. Whatever you are, i's what you are, and you're still you to me. But, baby." He kisses the tip of your nose. "Don't try and lessen it for me, okay? If you want to live and be fully as man, then that's what it is."

Letting his words sink in, your heart fills with love at his unconditional affection. “So… what next? What do I even do now?”

“Well,” Santi considers next steps. “I think we try to get you in with a doctor. I don’t think it goes straight to surgery,” He says with a tease. “But maybe hormones? I don’t know. I can talk to Ben whenever you’re ready for me to, I know he knows more of this than I do.”

“Can we maybe…” Your reach for a tissue, blowing it as you calm down more and more. “Can I maybe start with a haircut.”

This makes Santi laugh, standing up and taking you with him to capture you in a full body hug. “Of course we can! You don’t need my permission to get a haircut, mi cielo!” You notice how he immediately changed to masculine gendered terms of endearment. “Santi peppered kisses all over your face. “Wanna go today?”

You’re so excited at the idea, you readily agree.

An hour later, the kind stylist is chopping off your hair. As she gives you a moment to sit with the cut, Santi comes up behind the chair, wrapping his arms around you. “How do you feel, mi amor.” He says with a kiss to your neck.

You take in this first step, the start of a journey that you knew wouldn’t be easy but you had the best person ever by your side.

“I think… I actually feel like myself.”

shout out to @hee-blee-art for these cute ass dividers that were wierdly specific to this story lol

Most unrealistic thing about this fic is reader saying Santi isn't gay. Did we see the same movie? homosexual activity was hapeing on those mountains

HAPPY PRIDE!!! I can't wait to see what everyone did for this event <3

[gxlds-doodles]

silly doodles i did for my fnaf au!!!! MASSIVE LOREDUMP/NIGHTGUARD INFO UNDER THE CUT YAYAYAY!!! all these doodles are based on some sort of point listed below loll i wanted to store a bunch of character info somewhere and also because my original vincent + scott/au post is already outdated lol

GENERAL LORE

main story takes place in 2014 in hurricane, utah

main location of the story includes toys/fnaf 2 animatronics + withereds (who eventually get repaired yay!) + springtrap in a boarded up backroom or basement maybe, it's the same building as fredbear's that's gone through a bajillion renovations since good ol 1979

the pizzaplex exists in this universe! it's very very new, it was a very hard decision for scott to share the rights to the characters/brand name but the company was gonna go bankrupt since it had been falling out since the whole murders thing and just interest generally declining over the years so he did it to save the company basically or else his location would've shut down

circus baby's pizza world also exists but it's been abandoned for maaaany years by this point though it's eventually re-discovered

all animatronics are sentient, (i will have a separate post with character info for the animatronics) they all have their own personalities/characters 2014 fandom style and while some have ties to the missing children none of them are possessed 24/7. not even springtrap but that's for the animatronic post

scott straight up does not tell the guards the animatronics are sentient at first because he does not know how to bring it up or if they'll even believe him because to be fair it does sound insane. they all have their own weird little stories about how they found out

all of the main guards except scott were hired pretty recently because freddy's has a hard time keeping consistent staff, the staff as it stands is the most consistent it's been in YEARS

SCOTT EMILY 31 - trans guy - bi - puerto rican - dating vincent dorian

henry and melanie emily's son - his mom passed when he was about 8 and he was raised only by henry for most of his life

idk whether or not i'm gonna include charlie at all yet, but if i do she's been dead since LONG before the story started

house burned down when he was 16 after a fire set by william, half his face was severely burned

henry made his phone mask after this, at first it was to protect the healing injuries (and as a side project for henry since he hadn't made any robotic projects in a while) but scott quickly became attached to it and he never takes it off except when he's home alone

at this point in the au nobody has seen him fully take the mask off except when he lifts the bottom of it to eat or drink (or to kiss vincent :) )

went to university for computer science, very smart with math and tech which he definitely gets from his dad

became manager of freddy's after henry retired, very familiar with the place since he grew up with it

favourite animatronic is freddy bc he's basic /j (it's actually bc of his fond early memories of fredbear). least favourite is the puppet because it deeply unsettles him

always knew the 'tronics were sentient because he grew up with them

stressed All The Fucking Time but manages to hide it pretty well.

when he doesn't hide his stress he's a bit of a bitch when he's stressed out because he doesn't know how to control it very well

overall though he's a very friendly guy :) very sweet always looking out for his employees/friends who he loves so so much

kinda goes mother hen on the nightguards LOL he's always making sure they've gotten enough sleep and that they've eaten etc

the kids at freddy's LOVE him !! especially his phone head they're very intrigued by it!! scott is the best out of all the staff with kids (none of them are *bad* with kids except vincent though and even he's not terrible with them he just doesn't know what to do with them)

his and vincent's relationship is already established by the time the story starts, they've been dating for a couple months :)

LOVES chick flicks and shows of that vein. rip phone guy fnaf baby you would've loved legally blonde.

VINCENT AFTON DORIAN 27 - identifies as a cis guy but has some sort of gender fuckery going on - gay - armenian + british - dating scott emily

william and clara afton's only child, clara died when he was very young (cough cough BECAUSE OF WILLIAM cough cough) and he was raised by william as a single father for basically his whole life

had a TERRIBLE childhood. william is like supervillain levels of bad here ok we don't fw goldverse william

didn't grow up around the restaurant like scott did since william and henry parted ways around the time he was born

was raised to be william's partner-in-crime and follow in his footsteps. had to become friends with children who his father would later kill to gain their trust. this severely impacted his social skills because growing up he never saw the point of making friends. later on his father made him actually help with the killing and hiding the evidence which fucked him up even more

was also used for william's weird fucked up science experiments. this is why he's purple and his eyes are white

his purple hair is dyed to match the rest of him, his natural colour is black

he can't feel the cold or heat very well due to the experimentation done on him, but he gets effected by it. like he can wear a tank top and shorts in the dead of winter but he could still get hypothermia

has repressed a lot of the specifics about his childhood, doesn't actually remember what exactly made him look the way he does but knows it was his dad

moved out when he was 18, completely cut contact with william, changed his last name to his mom's and never looked back. did not find out his dad died until springtrap is found

doesn't have a high school degree, worked odd jobs to sustain himself after he moved out

second-last of the main cast to be hired, hired a year and a half prior to the story, basically applies because no where else will take him and it's also a massive fuck you to his dad in his mind

nightguard, mechanic for the animatronics and sometimes a dayshift guard if things get dire

he is NOT good with kids which is why he rarely ever takes the day shift, he doesn't actively hate them but because of The Trauma he is not good with them

however he really admires how good scott is with kids :")

favourite animatronic is the puppet because it's the only one his dad had absolutely 0 part in making, least favourite is springtrap due to the whole partly-possessed-by-his-dad thing

kiiiinda always knew the animatronics were sentient because he used to read his dad's old journals, but honestly until he started working there he just figured it was his dad going crazy and then he finds out they are in fact sentient and he's like oh guess he was right about that

does not have friends outside the pizzeria staff because of the aforementioned not good with people thing

tells NOBODY he's william afton's son, scott finds out after henry visits the pizzeria and recognizes vincent

vincent is sure he'll be fired after scott doesn't contact him for 2 weeks straight until scott calls him in and they talk about it. vincent assures scott he's nothing like his father and scott assures him he doesn't think he's like him at all he just needed time to process because of what william did to others and him specifically

scott tells nobody else about vincent's dad but they all find out later on in the story

scared as shit of needles. his ear piercings are clip ons for the look he can't do piercings or anything like that

when he had to get his flu shot he took mike with him because scott was busy and he was very embarrassed about it but he couldn't do it alone and it was actually a great bonding moment even if vincent passed out upon seeing the needle

always had a HUGE crush on scott. he's very flirty and general and makes a lot of jokes honestly that's just the way he is so scott was kinda oblivious at first but he eventually realizes and now they're happily dating <3

looooves horror movies. obviously. he can't handle anything revolving around child murder because it reminds him too much of his father though

i just KNOW he would love hannibal nbc

MIKE SCHMIDT 23 - cis guy - pan - half mexican half greek - dating jeremy fitzgerald

raised by his parents in hurricane, has an older sister and had a younger brother who's passed on, moved states when he was about 12, both parents are still alive and he has a good relationship with them and visits them frequently

his younger brother was killed by william which is what caused his family to move states

current roommates with jeremy, they attend the same college and were dormmates in first year (mike took a gap year) before getting an apartment together to share rent

going to college for a business degree

he and jeremy either get together near the beginning of the story or right before it starts i haven't decided quite yet but either way they end up together! 2014 jeremike my beloved

he started working at freddy's as a form of closure for himself because his brother loved freddy's before he was killed

blind in one eye due to a fight in high school where the other kid pulled a knife on him

has deep-rooted anger issues that he's trying to work on. he and vincent clashed because of this a lot when vincent first got hired because vincent never takes shit seriously Ever even when he should and it frustrated mike. they've argued a lot but they're chill now and they're bros!

but because of this when scott told mike he was dating vincent mike was like HIM??????? OF ALL PEOPLE?????????? but he's happy for them he was just surprised

favourite animatronic is bonnie because he thinks his guitar is awesome (he would LOVE rockstar bonnie i just know it), least favourite is foxy only because their similar personalities clash a LOT, mainly their anger

found out the animatronics were sentient after his dumbass got locked in the kitchen's freezer and they had to get him out. thought he was dead and hallucinating

loves puns much to everyone's dismay.... scott finds them funny but everyone else DREADS them

i think he'd LOVE breaking bad i've only watched a few episodes but i've seen enough to go yeah mike would like that

very film bro taste in movies. fight club, american psycho, pulp fiction, etc. (i also love all these movies. future film major moment)

JEREMY FITZGERALD 22 - cis guy - bi - polish - dating mike schmidt

born/grew up a few states over with his mom and step dad, only child, moved to hurricane for college

roommates with mike as mentioned, a psychology major at their college and also minoring in creative writing :) (also if any of my college/uni stuff isn't accurate my bad LMAO i'm not in college yet myself and also i think the us works differently than canada for that stuff)

has a stutter because of an injury he had in his childhood

gets spooked easily. mike jokingly says that he's like a baby deer and that if you're too loud you'll scare him to death

very nice guy but veeeery awkward around people

kinda a pushover at the start of the story but he gets character development

has worked at freddy's for just under 2 years, applied after mike and he became roommates and he was job hunting and mike (reluctantly) suggested freddy's to him because they're in dire need of employees

the animatronics creep him out honestly but he likes his job overall, his friends make it worth it <3 he likes working the dayshift and HATES working the nightshift alone

favourite animatronic is mangle :) pre-repair mangle is like a weird little dog to him LMFAO, i don't think he'd have a least favourite but some scare him more than most LOL

finds out the animatronics are sentient after mangle's systems are tampered with near the start of the story, leading her to go haywire and attacking the shit out of him. he wakes up in the hospital and is like damn that was the weirdest fever dream ever lol and scott is there in the corner of the room like remy you might wanna stay laying down for this.

he and vincent get along shockingly well! vincent is good at distracting him when he's panicking, which happens a lot during night shifts especially

not a fan of horror movies :( he's very squeamish

FRITZ SMITH 25 - trans guy - aroace - irish - happily single

didn't grow up in hurricane but in a town nearby, raised by his parents and has likee 3 siblings i haven't put much thought into his family life yet

went to university for game design!! makes his own indie games and has a small youtube + twitch channel that he uploads to when he has the time and feels like recording and editing

also i just KNOWW he'd make video essays about weird internet lore

fazbear superfan, has been going to the restaurant since he was a kid and has gone out to california to visit the pizzaplex but he likes the pizzeria in hurricane better because it feels more comfy and it's nostalgic to him

since he visited the pizzeria so much scott remembers him from when he was a kid!! they didn't rlly interact but he does remember him :)

because scott remembers him from when he was a kid he's also the only one to know he's trans since fritz is stealth (fritz eventually decides to tell the rest of the staff but that's not rlly story relevant honestly)

last of the main cast to be hired, has only been working for a few months, freddy's has always been his dream but he focused on university and getting his life together afterwards first and foremost

does the accounting for freddy's because scott is So Overwhelmed and fritz is very good at math so he eventually convinces scott to let him handle that stuff because scott is already handling everything else business wise (mike is going to college for business but that means he's also in college so scott didn't want to overwhelm him)

he's basically the closest thing scott has to a business partner, if scott ever has to take time off he's the stand-in manager

favourite animatronic is toy freddy because they're both gamers baybee!! he does not have a least favourite he loves them all :)

the only one to actually get told abt the whole sentient animatronics thing. scott sits him down after jeremy gets attacked to tell him because everyone else knows and he doesn't know how much longer he can keep a secret... but fritz is like i know :) and scott is like THE FUCK YOU MEAN YOU KNOW?? and fritz pulls out a full notebook of weird little notes about the animatronic's behaviour and how it couldn't possibly just be AI and scott is like ok sure. well at least you don't think i'm crazy

he and mike LOVE to play games together!! mainly fighting games like mortal kombat, but they also play GTA V :)

he and vincent are the least close out of the whole cast, nothing personal they're still friends they just happen to be the least close

he and jeremy get along very well!! they're probably the calmest personalities out of the staff

he n jeremy also have a lot of the same interests tv show and movie wise so they do watch marathons a lot :D

[your-local-crypt1d]

followed you simply for empires ctommy. I don’t even like empires but ctommy is my everything,,, any spare bits rattling around in that brain of yours

I have so many THOUGHTS about this dude you have no idea. Also, I do recommend watching Empires not because it's super similar to the dsmp but because it has its own disc war and Jimmy Solidarity is like Tommy but in a different font. Anyway,

My favourite idea I've had so far is cTommy punching transphobes in the face. Unlike the smp where it's like maybe 40-odd people trapped in a cursed land they cannot leave, Empires has citizens, it had loads of people. So like there's bound to be one person in the Grimlands who doesn't like their Count being a trans man. Tommy is having none of that though, he will clobber anyone who talks bad about fWhip while saying something badass like; "fWhip is twice the man you'll ever be"

Am I projecting heavily on that one? Yes.

Similarly, if you ever give anyone shit for Tommy's or anyone else's disability he will beat you with his prosthetic arm. I think on the smp, being disabled is a very common thing (hard of hearing/deaf people, amputees, nerve damage, blindness, etc) thanks to the constant wars, explosions and violence. I headcanon Tubbo to be almost entirely blind because of his execution, so Tommy will shout at you if you are rude to a blind person. He also absolutely knows sign language, which I've been calling MSL (minecraft sign language), so fWhip who is absolutely HoH thanks to being a demolitionist has someone he can communicate with if he doesn't have his hearing aid, and same with anyone else who's deaf/HoH.

In a similar vein to Tommy transphobe-puncher Innit, Tommy doesn't really give a shit about how he presents his gender. If you ask he will say he's a BIG MAN who uses he/him pronouns only, but he's also happy to walk around wearing a skirt (as long as it's a practical one he can fight in). He makes flower crowns for his friends. He can braid hair and has long-ish hair of his own. Hell, I'd say he could even do some basic makeup! Just stereotypically "feminine" things, because he just Does Not Care™. The most trans-allegory cishet man ever.

Tommy seems like the type to not care if he's asked to wear something formal (I.e. the L'manberg uniform) as long as he can still fight in it, Tommy likes to be prepared at all times. He keeps like three concealed weapons on him at all times. People have mentioned kinda worriedly to fWhip that his kid has a "perfect soldier stance", that he more marches wear he walks than actual walking, etc. It's concerning to see a kid no older than 16 walking around like a grizzled war veteran (which he is). Also, when asked to greet another Emperor respectfully, Tommy interprets that as a salute, perfect posture, etc with "It's an honour to meet you, ma'am/sir!" Because that's the only way he knows how to "show respect".

Idk I just want to explore the child soldier side of cTommy more.

Also just Tommy who's literally been homeless before being utterly shocked at the lavish lifestyle royalty/nobility lead. He sees all the food laid out in the dining hall to feed fWhip and his whole staff and is just shocked, there's never been that much food to go around on his whole server and there it all is just sitting there, AND fWhip tells him there's more if he doesn't like any of it!

Tommy really is just Sophia the first in this au lol

[clumsykleptorocketscientist]

The Winchester Family: A Rant

Can I just say that Sheriff Jody Mills was more of a mother to Sam and Dean Winchester more than Mary ever was, even after Amara brought her back. Like I guess no hate to Mary...? But like isn't the whole thing about the Winchesters is that family isn't just blood. They developed wayy closer bonds than the ones with Mary, and I know it isn't necessarily her fault, but she wasn't there. Like I dunno, I just wasn't in love with Mary coming back, especially since when she did come back, it seemed like she saw they were grown up and like, didn't care..? Like it felt like she went "oh my job is done these are just two grown dudes that I gave birth to once." Like I know its a weird situation, but as a person who grew up watching Once Upon a Time, where like almost the same thing happened, with Snow, David, and Emma, I can't help but compare their reactions and Mary just didn't stack up.

Snow and David were so ecstatic to see Emma and tried so hard to make up for lost time and parent her as much as they could. They kept trying even as Emma pushed them away saying she was grown and that her and her parents were technically the same age. Throughout the show they found a way to still be her parents while still acknowledging she was grown. It was really beautiful to see, but in comparison Mary did not stack up.

Yes, she is a badass, and, yes, her identity should not solely surround her being the boys' mother, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't be a mother at all. It would've been nice to see her figure out a way to strike the balance the Snow and David did, and I never got that vibe. In Supernatural, it seemed the opposite. It was Dean and Sam trying to be her sons and she pushed them away for the same reasons. I'm not saying she was a bad person, or even a bad mother, as it was a really weird situation and I can't necessarily blame her for how she dealt with it. What I AM saying, though, is that her name had no right to be carved onto that table. Point. Blank. Period.

Also, by the way, since I'm complaining, that weird episode with the pearl thing that let John Winchester come back so they could have a family dinner?????? As if that could truly be what Dean desired. Are you fucking kidding me. John sucked, made them both feel like shit, abused them, and yet that was the "family dinner" we got. It's been a while since I watched the show, so Idk a timeline, but screw the timeline for a sec. Across the entire show, a true family dinner would be Dean and Cas with their son Jack, Sam as the Uncle with Eileen, Bobby and Jody as the Dean and Sam's parents (because, unlike Mary, I very much feel like Jody struck that balance even though they weren't her actual sons) and Jody's brigade of wayward sisters trailing behind her, Donna as like the step-mother or aunt (Idk how Donna fits, I just LOVE Donna), and Charlie as Sam and Dean's little sister. Jo, Ellen, and Ash pop in with Rufus as those family members that are close, but you can't quite pinpoint how exactly you're related to them. Bonus: Kevin and Linda Tran come over like friendly neighbors because, even though they have a family of their own, the Trans are definitely close to the Winchesters, though, whether they like it or not. As much as I'd like to add Adam (to make up for him being left in the pit), I have a feeling he wouldn't want to. He seemed like a guy who refused to subscribe to the idea that because they were blood, they were family. (Maybe Sam and Dean should've learned a thing or two).

TL;DR:

Sam and Dean had a much bigger, and better, family then just John and Mary, but it was never really acknowledged fully and in the best way.

[joelsprettyprincess]

get to know your moots!! 💫

tagged by @dilfhuntersintl thank you! <3

what's the origin of your blog title?: i love joel. and i want him to call me his pretty princess. therefore...joelsprettyprincess. 🥰

OTP(s) + shipname: i spent SOO long in the genshin fandom that i am so turned off by shipping in general. however rn i am obsessed with 457 (squid game), butchlander (the boys), and hannigram of course. can you tell i like my yaoi as depraved as possible?

favorite color: PURPLE!!!!!!!! specifically a very light, almost grey/white shade of purple, kind of like lavender. followed by blue, pink, and black.

favorite game: 2 years ago it would've been genshin but i dropped it. rdr2 is deffo up there. stardew valley i have soo many hours in. the game i have the most hours in tho, is the sims 4. i have almost 2k hours and over 4GB of mods 💀 i've spent far too much money on that game..

song stuck in your head: songs are constantly revolving in my head. the last couple have been beverly hills by weezer, beating down yo block by monaleo, and von dutch by charli xcx.

weirdest habit/trait?: pretending im a superstar and belting out the lyrics to whatever im listening to 😭

hobbies: writing, binging tv shows (watching yellowjackets currently), videogames ofc, doomscrolling...watching movies when i feel like it, reading webtoons. im now realizing i need more offline hobbies.

if you work, what's your profession? rn im just focusing on school but i'll probably have to get another job soon 💔

if you could have any job you wish what would it be? ....twitch streamer or youtuber...it just seems so fun and i always pretend im streaming when i play games 😭

something you're good at: writing, i think?! i would like to write actual novels as a side job one day.

something you're bad at: locking in, prioritizing work over play. im trying to get better tho.

something you love: listening to music in the car. seeing my hard work pay off. when its rainy and sunny at the same time. rereading yalls comments on my fics 💖

something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: MY SIMS!! i've had a "legacy" family for generationsss, i think we're on the...eighth? maybe? right now my family is a super-smart professor who's the son of a pop idol, married to a gorgeous trans lawyer, and they have 3 kids plus a dog named carrot <3.

this is lowkey making me want to make a sims sideblog 😭

something you hate: tailgating when im already speeding. people with no ambitions or goals. strawberries.

something you collect: dolls, specifically ones with historical outfits. there's tons at thrift stores cuz no one else wants them 😅

something you forget: EVERYTHING. its actually annoying and im pretty sure its adhd or smthn but i dont have the money or patience to get diagnosed

what's your love language?: acts of service and gift giving.

favorite movie/show: shows? succession, the boys, squid game, bojack horseman...im sure im forgetting some. twd will probably be up there when (if) i finish it. movies: everything everywhere all at once is my fave, i also LOVE coraline and tangled.

favorite food: enchiladas. yum. they're so good...i love mexican food...

favorite animal: seals, tardigrades (THEYRE SO COOL LOOK THEM UP!!!!), cats.

what were you like as a child? super shy, super smart, always reading. simpler times..

until 6th grade when i discovered wattpad. 💀

favorite subject at school? english!

least favorite subject? math...im not bad at it, i just don't like it. at least it's straightforward, you can excel with enough practice.

what's your best character trait? i like to think i'm super funny but i can also give good advice.

what's your worst character trait? i am so, so cringe.

if you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be? i have an awful headache thats probably cuz i haven't had a drop of water today.

if you could travel in time who would you like to meet? anyone in history?! idk!! theres way too many people! maybe eve so i could tell her NOT TO EAT THAT APPLE. that's really the origin of all my problems 😓

recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love!): ughh, i love so many. but there are two that equally live in my head rent free: strangers by wintrwinchestr and smother by beardedjoel. they both inspired me to put my writing on here and they're both crazy nasty and dark. 🤭

okay SO SORRY for yapping but that's what i do best! some tags, no pressure: @thoughts-of-bear @mssalo @buneio @lovely-vamp-princess

[octahyde]

🏳️‍🌈 riddle, vil, epel, and idia? :3c

thank you for the gaggle of transgender people

Riddle: gay trans guy. I respect fem/transfem Riddle stuff but honestly to me personally it (ironically considering the next one) goes against his character. His entire life and childhood he’s had femininity forced on him (note the half dress from his overblot especially) and him being a trans guy and desperately trying to break out of it just makes sense. Being gay also goes into this to a degree as well but also just look at this kid and tell me he isn’t a little gayboy.

Vil: Transhet woman. I know this one is really really REALLY controversial but… her entire story feels like a trans narrative to me. Especially as a GNC trans guy (the only “acceptable” trans hc for her in the fandom), I see a lot of my gender envy towards feminine cis men in her treatment of Epel and Neige- Neige being amab and that soft and feminine without even trying, and Epel being feminine naturally and wanting to “throw it away”, so to speak. Especially when she tries so hard to be soft and feminine and it’s never “good” enough. As for transhet I just can’t see her with girls tbh. (Also I know transfem drag queens who have gotten into the series and took one look at Vil and said she’s a trans woman just saying.)

Epel: come on we all know this kid is a trans gayboy. Idk if this specifically is a hot take but from his second year onward I REALLY want him out of pome and into savanaclaw. I’m glad he’s made peace with his appearance for the time being but everything about it is. Insane repression to me and honestly makes me uncomfortable, again as a GNC trans guy myself. Once he realizes how legitimately traumatic his first year is I can’t see him forgiving Vil or Rook for an EXTREMELY long time, if ever. Lately I’ve also been kind of interested in exploring transfem Epel too… not because he’s soft and dainty and forced into feminine roles (I think I just established how extremely uncomfortable I am with that LMAO)… but because Epel has grown up around so many strong women, and I think him idolizing them and wanting to be a strong, masculine woman specifically himself is interesting. A naturally GNC boy desiring to become a GNC woman is really interesting to me and says a lot of very profound things about gender. I also think it gives a unique spin on his relationship with Vil- he knows things aren’t limited to just men and women, and he feels stifled specifically because he wants to be a woman who does things usually expected for men. I’m still 100% masc gay guy Epel, but I think it’s some REALLY interesting food for thought about gender and what is and isn’t expected of gender roles and how that affects trans people.

Idia: Beautiful Transhet Woman, My Beautiful Wife. I really don’t know how to explain this one except she is literally a coding gaming tgirl to a T. It literally unintentionally feels like they gathered a bunch of nerdy tgirls into a room and had them workshop the most stereotypical boymoder they could LMAO. Everything about her is So Transfeminine. She very much has a jrpg loving trans woman who was Very interested in TTYD Vivian as a child energy. Especially since I joined a discord server for a queer TTYD streamer recently AKFKSKFK My bg on desktop is what it is for a reason. As for why I say transhet… well she’s a major factor in how I realized I’m a st4t transhet man. She also radiates gayboy obsessed with yaoi to fujoshi pipeline which is very much a thing AKDJSFJDN I think her being bi with a pref for guys is really cute also though. Give her a few years and online she is going to be VERY popular with the (t)ladies.

[itsjaywalkers]

Hello!hope ur having a good day :) <33

I was wondering if u wanted to share some trans reg hc, could be overall or like the boxing au one, or anything rly.

Like who was the first person he came out to, how/when did he realise, how does he deal with dysphoria- what gives him dysphoria/euphoria, and maybe how would it translate into like relationship and sexlife, would he be able to go ahead without any/much dysphoria, or would he have to have sex a ‘specific way(?? Idk??)’ to make it work?

A lot of question I know, and u don’t have to answer if it makes u uncomfortable or anything, I just wanted to hear more about your headcanons about this.

//a trans guy who is obsessed with trans reg, and ur writing

hi darling!! i have today off so i am . in fact . having a great day <3 i hope yours is treating u kindly too!!

and ofc i want to!! i'm gonna do it boxer au based, since reg's trans experience isn't the same in every story!! and don't worry, i'm happy to answer ur questions!! it doesn't make me uncomfy in the slightest, trans reg is very special to me too for many reasons and i loveeee talking about him <3

the first person he came out to was sirius!! this is my Truth almost always no matter the fic. it changes sometimes, if he takes longer to realise and he and sirius have a complicated relationship but !! in the boxer au they get along great and they're very close, so reg told sirius first!!

sirius already had his suspicions tho, and they had a lot of long deep convos about gender. he helped reg figure himself out and supported him every step of the way

in the boxer au, he realised quite young!! he was never completely comfortable in his own body, but since he was a very awkward and . odd . kid everyone attributed it to reg just not being 'normal' in general. when puberty hit it got worse tho, and even tho everyone told him it'd pass and that puberty wasn't supposed to feel good or fun, reg knew there was something else

sirius also noticed there was something going on with his brother, so he tried to help him in every way he could. he lent him his clothes whenever reg asked (even tho it was always kind of begrudgingly), convinced their parents to allow him to wear his hair short, bought him oversized clothes and called him by his nickname and never his actual name

but i think the moment it actually hit reg was when he got mistaken by a boy one time he got out of school and went to his father's office to wait for him. the receptionist assumed he was sirius, and it finally clicked for him

he didn't tell sirius immediately tho. he researched a lot first, almost obsessively, and he doubted himself all of the time, having these moments in which . he was afraid he was actually somehow making it all up in his mind

reg was very scared of change, and this was a very big One. he knew sirius would support him no matter what, but there's always fear yk?? and there was also the matter of his parents. he was absolutely terrified

but he ended up blurting it out one night he and sirius stayed up late in secret. sirius talked to him about this one boy he was crushing into, and came out to him. and reg came out to him in return!! there were a lot of hugs and a lot of tears (they pretended this never happened the next morning)

sirius was a man on a mission after this. he helped him browse names and started using the correct pronouns, always getting so incredibly upset when he slipped at the beginning. reg found it very endearing, and assured him it was fine bc it was understandably gonna take them both some time

reg didn't have many close friends back then, so he didn't really come out to anyone in school, and he graduated with only sirius knowing the truth

those years were hard ngl, and reg struggled A Lot, but having sirius on his side made the whole thing . slightly more bearable . sometimes not even that was enough but reg appreciated it immensely

how he deals with dysphoria has changed over time!! he relied a lot on the internet when he was younger, and on his brother too, but there was only so much sirius could do apart from offering a willing ear and being comforting, considering he couldn't really understand what reg was going through. it absolutely broke sirius' heart, to see him have breakdown after breakdown, losing his appetite or refusing to leave his room for days

back then reg experienced dysphoria constantly. he wasn't comfortable in his own body and he had a hard time looking at himself in the mirror, or even listening to himself talk

some days he could kind of deal with it, remain functional despite it all. he did his best to keep himself distracted so he wouldn't think too much about the whole thing

but other days getting up from bed was Hard

now tho !! it doesn't happen That often, he's the man he was always meant to be !! he's on T and got top surgery and legally changed his name and gender so he's kind of thriving

he still has his moments tho bc this is something he's gonna have to deal with for the rest of his life so when it happens he goes to the twins!! they're both trans in this story so they Understand what he's going through and they support each other Always

they exchange advice and comfort each other when it gets especially Hard and . idk it's all very lovely, they're each other's ppl yk??

again, back then a lot of stuff gave him dysphoria, but nowadays it's more specific?? little things that usually don't upset him that badly but that sometimes pile up and end up giving him actually bad dysphoria??

like . he's a well-known sports journalist, he isn't really a celebrity or anything but ppl do talk about him sometimes, especially bc of sirius (and then bc of james) and they tend to mention his looks or how similar or different he looks to his brother

and sometimes they use more . feminine adjectives or straight up say he's kinda feminine or even comment on him being trans since it's public knowledge and reg has spoken on it more than once and . it's stuff that doesn't affect him that badly but it still annoys him

it's the same when ppl highlight how passing he looks, how u can't even tell he's trans, etc

there's also the ppl that are purposefully transphobic or misgender him which . does actually make him quite dysphoric, even tho he's mostly very comfortable with his identity + his looks now

he also has a bit of a complicated relationship with . stuff that it's considered 'feminine'

like clothes don't have any gender, same with makeup, and reg wouldn't mind wearing a skirt even tho it's not his style and he does wear some makeup semi-regularly for tv interviews etc etc but . sometimes he feels slightly uncomfy on it, like he gets bad memories or becomes paranoid about how he looks in it, if the clothes make his body seem too . curvy .

as i've said, he's very confident nowadays but he still has his moments!!

when it comes to gender euphoria, it's all about the little things!! people calling him handsome, seeing how hairy his body is now, the fact that he can take his shirt off now when he goes to the beach etc

when it comes to relationships and his sex life he has reached a point in which he can usually go ahead without getting dysphoria but . it depends on his partner really

some ppl can be transphobic without meaning to or simply bc of a lack of knowledge which is fine by him u know he totally gets it, it's a matter of being willing to learn and to listen to him

like . he's used to guys assuming he only bottoms or not even ask if he's comfortable using his front hole u know

or using afab terms to refer to his genitals without making sure first reg is okay with that

which brings me to my next point !! in oby, reg himself uses afab terms and he's fine with james using them too, they've had a convo about it and everything

but it's different for reg in the boxer au!! he does use afab terms for himself, he doesn't mind at this point and it doesn't give him any dysphoria however . when it comes to his sexual partners . he prefers them using words like a cock or hole or more neutral names . it gives him gender euphoria!! and the other stuff makes him kinda uncomfy. it's fine when he's the one saying it or thinking it but hearing it out loud coming from . other people, especially people who are just there bc they're attracted to him and want to fuck him is . Not Great

he also isn't always fine with using his front hole during sex, it depends on his mood and how much he trusts the person he's gonna be sleeping with. besides, he quite likes anal too so !!

this whole thing is another reason why . reg doesn't want to sleep with james bc he feels like he's gonna be a bit of an asshole about it or be another guy who doesn't even bother asking about his preferences or what he's comfy with

which isn't the case at all!! james has been with trans ppl before, and even if he hadn't, he's very considerate with his partners!! and as he should tbh. him being arrogant or knowing he's great in bed doesn't mean he's selfish

[spasticspaceshp]

Idk who's going to bother to read this rant but maybe someone will and relate to some parts of it so here goes.

The asexual and aromantic experience is wild when you have nothing but love to give.

For context, I generally don't use any specific labels because it's just a lot of work to explain, but using the more generic ones, I know a few things about myself.

I'm non-binary, polyamorous, and land *somewhere* on the ace and aro spectrums. I only use pangender as a term cuz I'm biased to the flag. It looks pretty, and it's close enough. I've debated if I'm trans, but I'm not uncomfortable in my body so I haven't bothered to pursue anything, and I'm only ace/aro because there is just a complete lack of drive/attraction/instinct whatever it can be called, in my body and psyche. I am a soul in a vessel here to experience things, but attraction is not one of them, apparently.

I'm a sex positive ace though. And I know all the technical terms I fall into but it's just complicated. I don't really use any kind of term for sexual preference, but I know I like men, and can develop sexual attraction under the right circumstances, and I like women aesthetically, but I can't say I'm NOT sexually attracted because I've never been with one. And the weird fear about trying is exactly the same fear I had about men. So ya know.

But I want to love. To be loved and especially to give love in return. I don't make a lot of friends cuz I don't get attached, with the exception of getting adopted, and my best friend who I chose all the way back in 2nd grade. I'm in my early 20s now and her and I live together, so you can see that it means something.

I've also recently started dating this guy who is exactly in the perfect sweet spot of everything I am attracted to, and not just visually. (Who actually cares about appearances anyway?) He's very sweet and kind to me, has a perfect balance of similarities and differences to myself, highly values communication and listens to what I have to say, understands my needs and how I function, and overall matches my energy. (He's very mellow but I'm working to bring out the crazy side I know is in there, lol.) To be honest it's damn near one of those too good to be true things. He's also poly, not entirely cis, and completely embraces my gender identity, or lack thereof. He's devoted and healthily obsessive and possessive and it's mutual. We also completely agree on our stances about kids and marriage, which is that we want neither. (At least not getting married on paper, he absolutely wants to wife me and I'm not mad about it.)

What makes me feel almost guilty, or honestly more like I'm defective, is that he's had all these realizations and transcendent moments that you would expect out of finding the person you're meant to be with. But I haven't. Don't get me wrong, I completely share the sentiments, I want him just as much as he wants me, and the devotion is mutual, I just haven't felt it. I know I love him, I know that I'm happy, I know that what we have is extremely promising and healthy. I just feel like I'm missing what everyone else gets to experience. I've talked about it with him too and he's so very understanding. Maybe I'm just terrified of myself. That I'll ruin it without even knowing, simply because I'm not designed to have this. I also know that thinking that is bad for manifesting.

Like just listen. (I'm also into witchcraft and astrology,) And my literal human design works against some of the things I want. I want to sleep next to him, all the time, but I have genuine trouble sleeping next to another person even just in the same bed as me, let alone within elbow distance. Sometimes it's hard if they're even in the same room. And that fact was literally stated in one of my readings. There's something in my autistic little brain that can't seem to let my breathing match theirs, and it's a natural thing for humans to do, but it somehow drives me crazy. I want to kiss and hold and have sex and all those things, but I'm difficult. Finding satisfaction in intimacy is a literal challenge, even with help from toys or other stimulus. He's been so patient and understanding with that too and it's done wonders for the shame trauma I grew up with, but it's also just frustrating, because I feel constantly inadequate or like I'll accidentally give off the impression that he's not enough. And that's not true. (Even if there's some things he could stand to learn.) It's all just that typical asexual "I feel broken" kind of angst. But it's still a very real experience that haunts me. I'd love to believe that going on T would fix me, but I know it's not true.

Honestly I kinda lost where I meant to go with this. It's very TMI, but he says I feel like home to him, and while I don't think I feel the same thing, wording wise, we both agree that even though it's been almost 3 months, it feels like we've known each other for forever. Please excuse me for being a sap but genuinely I'm like, yah I found it. Cliché romance novel shit and everything. It's been very soft and comfortable so far. I still have to egg him into actually biting me like he means it, but at least I know I'm safe with him. He lets me show a bit of dominance too, so there's not any kind of power imbalance, and I'm so very excited for whatever future we get to have.

Idk. I think I had a lot of other sappy poetic shit to say that I forgot about, but I guess the overall message is that when you know what you want, it doesn't matter if you're ace, aro, anything in between, or nothing at all, you can find the love you're looking for. Have some faith in yourself. You're not broken, you're not missing anything. Whatever kinds of relationships you have, platonic or romantic or anything else, the right people do exist. You just have to first be sure of yourself, and sure of what you're looking for.

Yada yada yada, I'm gonna go take a nap.

[ibusukiss]

Boueibu Rewatch

Thursday's for the Boys! 11

Happy Kiss! Episodes 4-6

Episode 4

If ep 2 established HK as my favorite season, ep 4 was the cherry on top

i wonder if gora gave nanao the OK to bring a floating tray and tea into the onsen

idk if its a writing thing or a culture thing or what but i feel like i can understand all the monsters' problems in HK, but in s1 and s2 some of them feel completely abstract

UGHHH the plot point of Ichiro worrying abt the time capsule and knowing that nanao would read his letter is so *chef's kiss* they build up to it so well!!!!!!!!!! AAAGHH I LOVE PLOT

ichiro "no youthful passion" bro your character song is called Dash Dash Dash so idk what ur talking about

the funny thing about this season is it only hints at the seitokai being rich, and here it only says that Taiju's family owns a construction company, which isnt the megacorp richboy son vibes i get from s1 seitokai - i always assumed caerula adamas were MUCH richer than edelstein but only bc they made their wealth more explicit in s1? I think by making it implied in this season they made the seitokai's families seem more like blue collar ceo's rather than megacorp ceo's

i will ALWAYS headcanon that Taishi cleaned up his act bc he was trying to act more like Nanao so Ichiro would like him

THIS is what I'm talking about - by trying to write fanservice they have fully surpassed the queerbait IMO and fully just wrote that Ichiro has a crush on Nanao

i assume Kyochan wasnt trying to be sus when he tucked the photo into his pocket but this moment the first time i watched it was very 'HOLY FUCK THEYRE KEEPING SECRETS FROM EACHOTHER OHH THE INTRIGUE OHHH MY GOD" which i suppose is something the seitokai do in this season later!

I just remember when this was coming out feeling so much unbridled joy from how cheesy this season is - it gave me so much serotonin LMAO

Ata as a little kid with his black bob makes me insane - wym he had a slutty black bob as an elementary schooler??????

Serenity you already said this but I must reiterate that it is WILD that Kyoata have eachother's contact info and seem to text often enough that its not strange for Kyotaro to text Ata out of the blue - they deffo arent nearly as estranged as Kinatsu were

Episode 5 (CW: discussion of eating disorders and weight stigma)

We have now entered what I think of as the 4-episode lull of HK where the episodes dont hit as hard - not bad in any sense but theyre just not as iconic as 1-4 or 9-12

*midori gets up on their soapbox*

I have a lot of thoughts about Maasa. I dont normally have such a strong headcanon for a character - but their whole arc feel so strongly to me like the story of a trans person who has a lot of complicated feelings about their body. While that's CLEARLY not what the writers intended it is how I choose to interpret their character bc 1. i have to put my dirty trans hands on everything and 2. to me - Maasa's story is uncomfortable and poorly written otherwise

some context: I have a lot of Complicated Feelings about weight stigma/body image and spend FARRR too much time learning about the science of dieting and eating disorders, so naturally I am gonna take this episode WAY more seriously than intended - youve been warned LOL

While my bar for anime is extremely low, I am pleasantly surprised at how this ep handles talking about weight with the exception of Maasa's diet. It has always looked explicitly like disordered eating - full restriction of fats/sugars is Very extreme and dangerous, and completely goes against the 'as long as you're healthy' sentiment the episode promotes - I take issue with that mindset anyway bc 1. why should only 'healthy' people have bodies that are excused from criticism/ridicule and 2. who gets to decide what 'healthy' looks like? does healthy imply thinness? to some people, yes! But regardless, extremely restrictive diets aren't 'healthy' anyway, so no dice there, HK.

And Ata is right! People do resent those who represent the opposite of their greatest fears! The implication here being that most people's greatest fear is being fat - and therefore bully the guy who will absolutely never be fat. While I dont think anyone should bully anyone about their body, this messaging makes fatness out to be the enemy in a way that I'm not in love with :/ This ep doesn't address the relentless, institutionally-ordained negative messaging that people receive about fat bodies, which definitely fuels the need on a personal level to bite back at those who those messages dont apply to - not an excuse of course, but a much-needed explanation.

It just feels strange that the episode that is saying 'dont bully this guy because his body is a certain way' is also saying 'we support your decision to make everyone in the school fat because it's your greatest fear and youre lashing out at your peers because of it' ? I know, I know, it's not that deep, the writers weren't thinking about this shit.

*midori steps down from their soapbox*

i love the detail of Taishi wiping the steam off his glasses

now i want ramen T_T

Episode 6

Ata's umbrella has always FASCINATED me - bc i think the writers were just making him seem overly-fancy, but it reads gothic lolita??? So is he a prep or a goth??? what does he dress like outside of school??!?!? I must know!!!!!!

Taishi recites fun facts to self-soothe

Umbrella guy is me trying to make conversation at work lmao

It's interesting that Taiju and Maasa are taken aback by Ata talking about not wanting to carry the 'umbrellas of commoners', maybe theres a bit of Furanui's influence in there? and it's not normal for him to think like that?

LMAOOO I forgot about the bit with Nanao distracting umbrella guy, thats such a good bit

Ata 'likes spending time at home' PERFECT for my headcanon that he has social anxiety

Taiju wanting to stay longer bc Ata's not leaving bc he's worried Ata is taking this whole thing too seriously and needs to babysit a bit longer

'its hard to care when it's raining' PERFECT for my headcanon that Kyotaro has depression

I project a lot on these characters if you couldnt tell

[spiderfreedom]

idk if it's just me but I have never experienced the whole "guy tries to be your friend just to have sex with you thing." I tried to date a male friend once and he was not interested. I 100% believe it happens to others, but I guess I've been blessed. I have male friends who have been honest, reliable people in my life. My closest friends are female, but I'm happy to have the friends I do in general.

I'm actually sad that online spaces have become more gender polarized in general. I used to go on fan forums as a kid and while they were usually majority male, there was always a substantial female contingent. Some were 50-50 or even majority female. I feel like most fandoms I try to interact with nowadays are gender segregated - go on tumblr to talk to female and trans people, go on reddit for the rest. On Twitter people self-segregate with different follow lists. There's little overlap.

I had many positive experiences on these forums - I got to learn and understand the perspectives of people quite unlike myself. And I like to imagine they got to learn something from me. I enjoy being in all-female and majority female spaces. But I miss the small, gender-mixed spaces where I felt safe expressing my opinions, regardless of demographic differences. That seems to have entirely disappeared.

I suspect this is because of algorithmic engines funneling people who are likeminded together, and the general largeness of the internet now. Back in the day if you wanted to discuss [small property], there would probably be one or two forums you could join, and you had to coexist with whoever was there. It's much easier now to just leave and find people like you - to "curate your experience", as we're fond of saying on Tumblr. The post Gamergate/manosphere climate has also made gender politics in general much more insufferable and hostile.

If I don't actively fight it and seek out new spaces, I can tell that I end up in a bubble. My friends have only gotten more radicalized over time in whatever positions they previously had. If I don't do something about it, to try to join different communities, I can feel the same thing happening to me. All my friends who are not like me (different race, male, different political background, etc.) come from high school, where you mix with the general population. Everyone I've befriended since is someone from a similar class, politic, race, etc. to me. I find it weird. I don't want to be in a bubble. But it's very hard to break out when you're no longer in an environment that forces different people together. And the internet is no longer a help in befriending people who aren't like you.