#idk. having thoughts at six am
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cyclicalaberration · 1 year ago
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I'd kind of prefer being some kid's weird guy "friend" over just. Being an in class novelty to my peers because at least that'd give me confirmation I'm at least. Sort of present in the minds of others.
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puppppppppy · 2 years ago
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Forever and ever
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azureandcrimson · 1 month ago
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I don't know, I'm cooking other theories, trust.
Just something small. But like, I feel like it would be really funny if whenever Erlang and Macaque would meet up, they would jokingly flirt with each other. Right in front of NeZha and Wukong. Just thought it'd be funny. ...yeah👍
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neverendingford · 3 months ago
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#tag talk#social anxiety is so much worse to deal with when only half of you is anxious because you never know when it'll happen#like. R is not anxious at all. she loves being around people and since we came out she's not scared anymore#but me on the other hand? being around people is a nightmare. agoraphobic for sure.#I wanted to go running again cause we woke up at six again. but the thought of going outside and being perceived? terrifying.#maybe I need to practice getting R to front. we're used to thinking of L as the defensive front but if R's sociability is the best strategy#then she would be the strongest front to present.#the problem is I've tried that and it just results in me feeling even more sullen and anxious because I feel dragged into things then.#because going out on public even with friends still makes me feel anxious and angry and generally annoyed.#ugh I'm so tired of being unpredictably two different people.#if I were just L all the time I could embrace that and find workarounds to these issues. but they hit me so unpredictably#so I don't have the reliability to trust. so my strategy is usually just 'wait until you change into someone without those problems'#because whatever issue I have can usually be fixed by the other half of me.#scared of upsetting people? turn into L. scared of socializing? turn into R. scared of doing tasks? turn into L.#it's also wild because when we're L we shift into a morning person. and R is definitely a night owl#so waking up at five am to go out and read a book on the couch is so great as L but staying up all night reading is R's sweet spot.#idk. I'm so tired of bouncing so much between these two people#and I'm beginning to suspect that we have different food preferences as well. which is.. frustrating#I wish it were as easy as going 'oh duh I'm making this up in my own head' and just stopping#like. yeah it's all in my head unfortunately that's where my sense of identity is too.
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maraczeks · 2 months ago
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shitpostingfromthebarricade · 3 months ago
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WIP Title Game
I was tagged by @riotstarruika!
Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.
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(I had to censor the one because it's such a specific ship that when it gets anonymously posted for an exchange in a couple of days I don't want everyone to immediately know it's me.)
Tagging @saintmouthed @akallabeth-joie @opens-up-4-nobody @fremedon @everyonewasabird and @riotstarruika again, since it's been so long that you probably have entirely new WIPs by now. XD
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alongtidesoflight · 5 months ago
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#i KNOW my mental health is down the drain because i woke up panicking at 4:30am for seemingly no good reason#and that was half an hour ago and i still can't go back to sleep#and i've been feeling exhausted and on the edge about switching from this dual deal of education and job training#to a full time 8 to 5 deal#for the past 2 months#kept saying that i need a break soon or i'm gonna burn out but also kept pushing myself through daily sensory overload because#i kept telling myself that there are only a couple few weeks left of this and i can do it#and now there's exactly one week left of it all until i finally get a month off and i need to do my best to keep myself from tossing it all#out the window#because i'm worried about not being able to keep up with a full time job i now signed a three year contract for#considering this half time deal already took everything out of me#it's super frustrating because for a while there i really thought i'm on top of my shit but now i'm showing symptoms of an impending#mental breakdown and i have a month to get all of this under control somehow or i'm gonna blow my chance at a job i've been working my ass#off for the past six months to a) get it in the first place and b) earn important certificates for it#and a month is just not enough to get an appointment with a counselor who i can talk to about this#and once i'm working i'll hardly have any time left for appointments considering the insane amount of time i'll be spending commuting#to work every day because i didn't yet receive the bonus payment towards a car i was promised for my efforts here#genuinely wish i had someone i could rely on during times like these but i am basically providing for my entire environment and i just#gotta keep going somehow idk#rant#gonna try to get another half an hour of sleep in now i guess
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jonny-b-meowborn · 1 year ago
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I'm gonna give Brian a lil garden in my fic. Btw. If you even care.
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hazelcephalopod · 9 months ago
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So I’ve gotten back into reading TGH and reached chapter uh… I’ll put that later. Anyway here’s the summary—
“They go to Stedding Tsofu to find a Waygate. Waygate is firmly blocked by Machin Shin. Their journey seems for naught. But at least we get more Loial lore, and learn Ogier women just arrange the marriages and tell the men who they are marrying. Mat -full cringe failboy he sometimes(often) is- says human men would never let a woman boss them around like that. Rand mutters about Mat being wrong. Everyone else presumable at least side eyes him. Because he is wrong. Verin is right there telling everyone what to do. Rand remembers the woman’s council bacually betrothing him to Egwene before he knew what was happening. Fun times. They realize they have to use a portal stone to get to Fain. The Ogier happily show them the portal stone nearby -anything is better then the Ways. The boys keep insisting they are not ta’veren or Dragons or Aiel anything like that. Everyone nods and then ignores that and talk about them being ta’veren and how they’ve basically got no choice but to live in their wake. Rand is reminded again he can in fact channel, in fact doing so with little resistance after being asked -possibly s first? He is also unnerved meeting several Aiel women. Because they tried to kill them and also well… damn does he look like them. Aka “The ever increasing eroding of Rand denial copium receives several serious blows in a few days.”
I’m currently mid Ch 37 “What Might Be”, portal stone icon I believe.
Oh! And just for fine to cover it… Also Fain delivered that Horn, Turok was like “you’re probable lies amuse me for now. Perhaps I will give you to the Empress. Let me describe the terribleness of the royal court. Nvm you’re way too eager about that.” And Fain is just internally grinning and steepling his fingers like “ah ha. Yes give me more information. Give me more access to your leaders. You play right into the plans I have made and am making right now. And will make in the future.” Hilarious.
also…
I’ve decided that Hurin is a lil bit of a dipshit simp. Yes he has sniffing powers. And a wife. And children. But he’s a Gilear if you will. Also probably brain mushed by ta’veren a bit. Selene didn’t show up! (Good) Oh and how deeply I am not looking forward to the parts of Mat featuring “a tale of his sad little misogyny even if it often makes him look foolish. Still a bit too cringe” -at least that’s my fear. We shall see.
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mars-ipan · 1 year ago
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btw i was Really Smart in communications today :]
#marzi speaks#i asked a question that stumped our professor and answered his questions well#i didn’t take a spotlight tho. i waited a fair bit or to be called on before answering#it’s weird for me#now that i’m in college i’m realizing just how crazy competitive my high school was#and like. i /knew/ it was competitive. but it was competitive in ways i didn’t even realize#like things were presented to me in a way where if i didn’t know everything i was doomed to fail from the start. i was fucked#i mean hell i wasn’t even top third of my class. 200 something in a class of 600 something people#but now i’m in college and i’m with my peers and i’m realizing like. actually i am pretty damn smart#i never thought i was /dumb./ i just never thought of myself as exceptional either#and i definitely have my struggles. my poly sci class is so fucking boring i Do Not Like It#but i’m realizing now that i’m a lot smarter than i’ve thought i was for the past… what six years? seven? ten?#a long time. essentially#and it feels WEIRD!! god it feels weird#i’m kind of afraid to be percieved as smart??#i think it’s tied to internalized misogyny. bc when i inspect that fear#i realize i don’t want to be reduced to a (sorry for hp reference) hermoine granger type of misogynistic caricature#it’s probably tied to how my mother (very smart) was regularly dismissed or even laughed at for her smarts#idk. when a guy is smart then it’s just cool.#when a girl (or girl-adjacent thing like myself) is smart then oh it’s levioSA not levioSARRRR sorry brainiac oh the WOMAN has an OPINION#stupid WOMEN and their stupid THOUGHTS. who let them think. etc etc#so idk. i’m worried that if i let myself recognize that i’m smart#instead of letting other people make the observation for me#that i’ll be seen as stuck-up. bossy. etc.#but if i don’t acknowledge that i’m smart who the hell will?#i think that a lesson my mother has been teaching me for my whole life is starting to be fully understood in my head#i should call her and talk about it. kinda wanna just talk to my mom in general#ANYWAYS. trying to let myself be proud of my smarts again. in a healthy way this time#without worrying about failure or impressions. because i am smart. i have a lot of ideas and i ask a lot of questions#i don’t need to explain my smartness to anyone. i can just be smart in this way. maybe that’ll get easier as i practice it
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malachitezmeyka · 1 year ago
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Since I’m visiting back home I have stolen borrowed my sister’s switch to play Pokemon and animal crossing, and that, of course, got me thinking about if Pokemon existed in the avatar universe, which ones would my OCs have
(Up front, I don’t see either of them going into competitive championships, too much shit going on in their lives to even consider it. Oh, and also, my knowledge of Pokemon comes entirely from my sister infodumping, me watching the entire first season of the anime twice, getting a bit too invested in Hanamusa fanart and playing Y, Moon and Shield (never getting to the end of a single one rip) so keep that in mind)
For Midori I feel like she’d have the ones that she could naturally find in the backyard while doing gardening or other work – oddish and bellsprout and budew and the like. Maybe a sandshrew or caterpie or rattata. I’m completely obsessed with eeveelutions so if she had an eevee, it’d evolve into a sylveon bc of how much love Midori has to give. Starter-wise, if she had one despite not doing competitive battling, definitely a bulbasaur, but since she doesn’t use it for anything but help around the garden it probably wouldn’t ever evolve, though they’re both okay with that. And I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t shoehorn some angst in, so before the RL left for the South Pole, Ghazan gave Midori his camerupt for safe keeping, saying it would protect her in case she needed it. She hides the pokeball with it from Haya and only lets it out of she knows no one will see her, terrified Haya would do something to such a blatant reminder of her brother
Suiren’s a bit harder since she has enough to worry about without getting a bunch of animals involved, but theoretically, I’m thinking squirtle for a starter that she has managed to evolve into a wartortle but not further yet. Eeveelution wise vaporeon would be the obvious choice but with her cold nature I think she’d invest in an ice stone instead and get a glaceon. I like to imagine that while she was travelling for a mission one day she ran across an absol in the mountains and took it home despite knowing the rumours it was a bringer of disasters and a bad omen (she relates to it, but you couldn’t waterboard that out of her). Maybe she found a yanma in the swamp at some point and kept it once she found out how cool its evolution looks. Likewise, she found a phantump and, remembering how phantumps come to be, couldn’t bear the thought of leaving it (and, well, its evolution and how it controls trees through roots reminds her of the swamp). Back with the angst, she inherited her mom’s milotic (Ming-Hua was a kid when she found the ugliest fucking fish she’d ever seen in a swamp lake and snuck it food. It warmed up to her and eventually she stole a pokeball and caught it. Fast forward a few years and it suddenly became the most gorgeous pokemon in existence. Shit happens). She hides it too but once she learned how to navigate the swamp she takes it to that very lake.
Suiren leaves her pokemon with Midori when she goes on missions, not wanting to endanger them, and every time Midori is scared that those pokemon will end up being the last things she has left of her sister, just like the camerupt and milotic are the last things left of her parents
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nathansqueak · 2 years ago
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me, lounging around on my time off, looking through mobility aid options and wondering if I really need any of this or if im making it all up in my head
the heel of my right foot, which I’ve had propped up on pillows for half of the day, suddenly throbbing in pain for no good reason out of nowhere
:/
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genderfluid-druid · 2 years ago
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#ok we're gonna try to finish this story in under 30 tags ok let's go#SO. 'hahaha yeah wow that's crazy that you know him! we did date yeah. (does not elaborate)'#but. okay confession time. i know this was a questionable choice. it was selfish. it fed the brain gremlin that craves validation#but i never blocked M on snapchat#so even though we never talked. i could see when he viewed my stories. and i won't lie. there is a smug part of me that enjoyed#letting him see me go on about my life.#i am a flawed bitch. so sue me. it was a manageable amount of contact that didn't send me into spirals#and he DID keep viewing them.#he even messaged me once! i don't know maybe a year ago. it was totally out of the blue. 'saw this book and thought of you' on a picture of#a nice edition of The Hobbit. i didn't respond. i had to have a petty moment for all the times during the Bad Era when i tried to message#him and he took too long (in my shitty estimation) to message back. so i left him on read. for like a year#okay you can see where this is going so I'll cut to the chase#'i ran into a friend of yours' is a perfectly reasonable conversation starter. it can be the whole conversation if it needs to be.#well. it wasn't#idk. my world state for the last six years has been 'M doesn't care for me and there is no world in which we ever have a civil chat again.'#well. that doesn't track with 'it's past my bedtime but i don't mind staying up to chat' and 'i would love to get an earful about podcasts'#and 'let's chat again' and 'it was really great to hear from you'#idk. i don't know what emotion i should feel. anger is gonna be the first one that makes it to the surface i think#got a good healthy dose of anger happening#grief. i do think there's some grief. mmhmm yep there it is#there are probably some positive emotions but those are the most strenuously repressed and i don't think I'm ready to let the collar off#i have made a lot of choices in the last six years to protect my mental health specifically because of how that relationship ended#so even just talking to him is. well for one thing it's playing a bit fast and loose with the health i have managed to build up#i feel good. my life has been good lately. my therapist moved me from monthly to once every three months. my social life is the most#thriving it's ever been#i am possibly in a place to unbox some things that were thrown in the attic as an emergency measure#i should talk to my therapist
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lesbienneanarchiste · 2 years ago
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alexa how do i find the will to live when i’ve been without a hyperfixation for months and am bad at the only things i even remotely feel like doing
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ghosty206 · 5 months ago
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cheswirls · 7 months ago
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hhhhh i wanna finish sickfic soon but idk if it's productive to work on that tonight
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