#idk why those lines are there and frankly I don’t care enough to fix it SKJSJZK

[ubercharge-the-sniper]

SFM is actually really good bc u can make gay people gay

[slutt4ellie]

Summer Blossoms

PT2 - Wilted Covers

masterslist

PART 1 //

Falling in love is hard. Worse when you know it can’t happen.

Summery - Yours and Ellie’s big fight has you both racking over what happened that night, and as of now you’re both falling apart, you feel as trying to fix it may be out of the picture..

Warnings -> Homophobia / Starts off in Ellie’s POV / Angst / Mean!Ellie 😬 / Implied Jealous!Ellie / Reader flirts with a guy but it’s short / Reader is convinced she’s straight 😭 / Guy flirts with reader / People are so mean to Ellie / Panic attack ☹️ / Angst / They’re both semi convinced it’s all platonic idk. / Denying of feelings / Internalized homophobia / Eventual smut / (Lmk if I missed anything else!!)

WC: 8k

(Not proofread!)

Ellie was lost at what exactly happened that morning..that night?...

She was laying on her bed looking up at her ceiling, the distance sound of her record player in the back making some ambience so it’s not just her thoughts.

The silence would have killed her and the music seemed like a solid distraction.

Perfect in between..

The thing Ellie was racking over was that she didn’t understand how you guys could go from literal cuddling, your lips on her skin, to you yelling at her to get out?...

She was trying to understand if maybe she possibly read too far into that night, like if she crossed the line, and maybe interrupted something wrong, she just didn’t get it. How the short nod of your head meant nothing. Of course being in response of Ellie’s words which were “You okay.”

She was trying to really lay it out, picture it, trying to fully fucking understand if she did something wrong. If she pushed you too far or even made you uncomfortable? She thought of it all. You just seemed so normal, then it all came crashing down

She hated the look she saw in your eyes, it reminded her of Emma, when she only had the face of disgust. She wanted to believe that since she saw that look once it wouldn’t hurt as much, but that was quickly proven wrong.

The way you looked at her made her feel sick, like she was some sort of monster. And the more she’s told it, the more people tell her those exact words, it’s starting to feel that way.

But then again, to be fair yours was a little different. It had the outside layers of disgust, but when looking further into it, Ellie felt like maybe you had some hidden emotions. Ones she couldn’t even read.

And unsurprisingly she was dwelling on it, it’s all she could think about. And she hated herself for it. Because why did she care what you thought when you could barely look at her.

Hardly acknowledged the fact that she too, had feelings?

“Kiddo!” Joel’s voice echoed from downstairs, having Ellie thoughts finally stop once she heard another voice pop out. “Come out of your room!” He says once again, his voice was a bit stern like there was not a lot of room for discussion.

Ellie was the first person Joel told, mainly because he was pushing after he woke up alone in your father’s house and saw the bruised up state Ellie was in..

Her appearance being left at the hands of Jack.

Ellie really didn’t wanna tell him, she felt she was now to grown to fall victim and tell Joel what happened. But that went out the window immediately once he asked if something had happened between you two, Ellie instantly felt an uncomfortable lump in her throat, pushing her to talk about it. Talk about what happened. Even though she really didn’t want to.

It was like word vomit, and once she started she couldn’t stop.

So Joel was very aware of why Ellie was turning quite frankly nocturnal, and he was truly trying his best to push her outside. Even to bring her down to your house, thinking that talking things out would help.

Which Ellie could only let out a bitter laugh, because he didn’t see your face.

“I don’t feel good” Ellie groans pushing further back on her bed using the palms of her hands. Weary of the fact Joel will probably enter her bedroom soon enough. “My nose still hurts” She sighs, and really that part wasn’t a lie, they got her nose checked out the day after she left your house, and it was indeed broken.

That part was barely a shock. Her nose was swollen and an idiot could figure out with a simple glance it was definitely broken.

And Ellie being weary of the fact he’ll probably open her door was being right cautious because that he does, the door opens not too long after she finished her sentence. The old man entering her bedroom with boots that hit each wood slab making creeks all over the floor. “Come on kid.” He says before stopping the record player and opening up the blinds. Letting the sun shine into her bedroom.

Ellie finally sits up and shaking her head “No. I’m not in the mood today.” She says harshly looking at Joel, his eyebrows furrow.

He’s prepared to tell Ellie off, tell her how it’s not fair to get mad at him, being prissy or whatever. But then again Joel knows it’s now the second time a friend has freaked out on her, yet this one she does like, and has developed actually romantic feelings.

“Listen kiddo..” He takes a pause, to sigh of course, trying to think about what to say to his daughter. He knows Ellie’s not all great with the feeling thing. And in all fairness, neither is he? Seems like that passed onto her. “I get you like her-“

Ellie was extremely quick to cut him off, deny any feelings she may have for you, reason being because it sounded to fucking real. Admitting it out loud, saying that she felt something when you rested your head on her, lips touching her skin. She wasn’t ready for that. So she shakes her head fast. “I don’t like her-“ Ellie says quickly, worrying that if she says those words slowly then he’ll be able to realize she’s lacking truth and confidence aspect.

Joel sighs. “Why are you sulking then?” He questions looking her up and down. And it’s true, she hasn’t left her room since the matter happened, skipping on meals. It’s not like usual Ellie. Not to mention she was crying while explaining what happened. Hiccuping over every other word, the sight was rough to say the least.

“Because I don’t fucking feel good!” She groans defensively. Her voice is venomous, trying to cover up that she was indeed hurting.

He sighs and sits on her bed. Joel knows Ellie, and knows that he doesn’t want her to fall down the same whole Emma left her in, she was rough after that, and it was clear you hurt his daughter. But Joel’s also been on this planet long enough to know most drunk words, or even mistakes, can in fact be sober thoughts.

And he’s seen the way you’ve looked at each other, it didn’t just seem “friendly”..

“Why don’t we invite them to the lake house, at least for the first day?” He suggest. Maybe going over the cracked concrete which was formed can be fixed with some layers. And if you guys talk it out, that’s one layer right there.

“No?” Ellie laughs and stands up, prepared to literally leave her own room just to escape this situation. She doesn’t want to talk about it, much less with Joel.

He shrugs and sighs. “Shame” He pauses and clears his throat, Ellie’s just looking at him with confusion, unsure of what his next words will be. “Because the night you left I already mentioned it to her father. So?”

Ellie freezes and looks at him, she not sure what to do, the easiest thing would be to not go, but the lake house is one of the biggest breaks during her whole fucking summer. It’s filled with no responsibility or work and it gives her much needed time to relax.

But if you’re there, what is she gonna do. She’s not in favour of seeing you again, and in all honestly she wanted to take the route of just ignoring you for the rest of summer, wait out the last month till you’re gone again.

But at the lake house, that’ll be impossible. It’s small enough with her and Joel, she can’t just avoid you?

“What the fuck? Why!” Ellie yells right at him. Regretting her word choice once she sees Joel frown, he seems genuinely hurt at her words. Clearly not taking it as a stupid outburst.

“Come or don’t Ellie. I’m not sittin’ here and havin’ you be mean..just tryna help you kid..” Joel says before standing up and leaving her bedroom. before Ellie could say anything. Which ends up leaving Ellie with more guilt.

She’s again left with her thoughts, the distance remedy of her record player now gone making it so, so, quiet.

She honestly didn’t know what to do. Ellie didn’t want to see you, she felt extremely embarrassed of how things played out that morning. Especially since she barely said anything back, other than a few sentences that she later cringed at.

Besides the point she practically just took it, the yelling, you diminishing all her self proclaimed stealth esteem. Again, she was embarrassed.

Ellie runs her hand through her hair sighing deeply. She doesn’t want to go, she knows how you feel about her now, and it’s clear that you have no actual feelings for her, yet then again Ellie’s still trying to convince herself it doesn’t matter. You two are friends. Possibly? She hardly even knows if that’s still a possibility.

What’s convenient for you is that Ellie’s also extremely unaware of how that whole incident in your house is taking a bit fucking tool on you.

After Ellie left that morning you didn’t know what to do, you were so..harsh? And you didn’t even know why.

You’ve never been a stereotypical mean person, sure you’ve had your moments with friends back home, but they were never serious, not serious enough to the point where you wouldn’t talk to them for a long period of time. Yet with Ellie it was so unwarranted, like you didn’t want her to see you behind any layers. Despite laying your head on her, whispering to her that you were indeed okay with what was playing out.

You knew you weren’t like that…you didn’t- you don’t feel things for girls.

But you came so hostile the next morning with Ellie, defensive even.

Once Ellie left you felt confided into your bedroom, you didn’t really have anyone else to talk to other than her.

You were offered the news that Joel invited you and your father down to a lake house for a few days, and your father was very quick to mention the fact you didn’t exactly have a choice for if you were coming or not.

Your father was worried that you might bring boys or something over, throw parties. The normal stuff parents worry about.

But truthfully all you could think about was Ellie..not having anyone or anything else prioritizing your mind.

He’s picked up fast that Ellie and you haven’t been enjoying your regular hang outs, late night drives in her truck, sleepovers in your bedroom, you going to Joel’s, that was all fading. Your dad even took record that when Joel would stop by she wouldn’t be with him. He was watching as all of those things that seemed so regular were slowly becoming absent.

It was like Ellie was not even in the picture, but being your father, and not being great with feelings he didn’t want to question it. He knew girls have their little feelings, and fights, he really just didn’t want to interfere with whatever was playing out. So he left it.

And once you had full knowledge you didn’t have a choice, and you 100% had to go to the lake house you were so fucking nervous. Nervous about seeing Ellie again, talking to her, everything.

You didn’t want to see Ellie and have it be weird, but you knew it would be. Especially after you exploded at her, the look on her face was something you probably weren’t going to forget. It was filled with hurt, confusion. And even want.

It looked like she wanted to be wanted by you.

But you didn’t provide that, you couldn’t provide that? You just yelled at her to leave your house after she took a right hook to the face, which wouldn’t happen if you weren’t in the picture.

All you knew for sure is that you fucked up.

The worst part is, you weren’t even sure if you could fix it. You’ve signal handily dug a knife into Ellie’s chest!

“Ellie grab the last bag kid!” Joel yells from inside the tiny home. Ellie just mumbles something too incoherent for him to understand. She didn’t fully understand why she did come, it felt subconscious in a way. Like missing out on something because of you just meant you won. Especially after what you put her through, she didn’t want that message to be relayed to you.

“When are they comin’?” Ellie says with a loud exasperated sigh, far too dramatic for her question.

“Are you gonna pout the whole trip” Joel says sighing dramatically, almost to mock her. “Shut up!” Ellie sorta chuckles and hits his shoulder lightly. A mini “Fuck off” in her mind.

She knew she was being a tiny bit dramatic, but it was justifiable after what you did?

Ellie’s arms grab onto the last bag before lunging the bag into the main room. Quickly sitting down on the couch, shoes kicking up on the stone coffee table. Her eyes watch intently as Joel lightly taps his foot against the wood, clearly thinking about something.

“Sleeping arrangements?” He questions before looking at Ellie, continuing his sentence. “We got three bedrooms- one for me, her father, and you know-“ He pauses momentarily, trying to think of the right words before turning his attention to look back at Ellie. “All i’m saying is that…i’m guessing your not to fond of sharin’ a bed? Seeing as what happened last time.” Joel hums out the last part, he wasn’t doing it to be malicious, when he said it, it was a genuine regard.

But then again he’s definitely trying to act like those words weren’t a big deal. They still had Ellie’s cheeks take on a pink tint.

She not stupid and gets what he meant when he referred to “last time” she lied in bed with you, sleepily rubbing her thumb against your exposed hip wasn’t something she wanted to repeat. The embarrassment was the worst part of it.

“What- no, I’ll just take the couch.” Ellie says before all her attention is turned to the door, the creek of it opening slowly drawing her attention, eyes glued to watch the two figures that step inside the doorway.

As soon as you make it inside the house your eyes are right on the green ones. Ellie’s eyes straight back on you, scared to look away.

But she does, because they’re quickly peeled from you first, embarrassed that you weren’t in the door for more than 10 seconds before she was looking. Ellie was trying not to stare at you, especially when she doesn’t even know if you two are considered friends anymore.

The shitty part for her is that she wanted to look at you, because like always, you’re always the one that draws her eyes. Attention unable to focus on anything else, she hated that. And she wanted to somehow convince herself you don’t even matter anymore..because it seemed like she didn’t matter to you? So why would she give you attention you didn’t deserve.

“Hey!” Joel smiles grabbing your father by the shoulder, other arm hitting his back. It unfortunately left more time to dawn on the fact you and Ellie haven’t talked since you walked through that door. “Drive down here alright?” Joel questions.

“Oh yeah?” Your dad smiles pulling back and dropping the both your bags around the front door. “How have you been hiding this from be Miller?” Your dad chuckles and walks forward getting a better view of the place.

Your eyes are STICKING to the ground, physically unable to peel them away. You didn’t want to look up and see Ellie looking at you. Or see she isn’t even paying any attention towards you, which in some weird way would be worse?

“Hiding, that’s crazy talk!” Joel laughs pulling your dad into the kitchen. “Come let me show you the kitchen.” Joel’s little laugh disappearing into the kitchen.

Your immediate guess is that they’re both getting a drink, nice way to start off the day. And you can’t help but wish you could be in there always taking a shot.

But no, because unfortunately for you it creates a shitty situation that left you and Ellie alone in the living room, the sound of both your dads talking in the separate room making some background noise.

You’re not sure if you should talk, or let the silence just sit. But your voice just pushed out, making it feel like you had almost no control. “Hey..” You sigh looking up at her eyes, which are still resting on your face. “How’s your nose?” You ask genuinely, quickly taking notice in the bandages that rest on it.

Ellie’s eyes flash with something you can’t exactly recognize, reason being because it changes in the matter of a few seconds, now representing anger. “Don’t fucking say ‘Hey’ to me man” Ellie scoffs and stands up. It was harsh, and it sure as hell came out as that. “Just fuck off.” Ellie says.

It was clear then, things 100% were not going back to how they were before, Ellie seems so angry at you, and you know it’s your fault..but unsurprisingly you don’t know how to fix it..

Ellie stands up trailing right into the kitchen, she cringed at her own fucking words, she’s never that mean. But they slipped out, fully accidental. Maybe it would give you the sign that she didn’t feel like talking. That’s what she’s convincing herself at least.

Because Ellie’s a fond believer that not talking about it will somehow resolve what’s going on with you two, she just doesn’t want to have a weird heart to heart conversation, she herself isn’t ready for.

Ellie hears the last bit of Joel’s sentence once she enters the kitchen. “Oh yeah, Ellie can take her down to it-“ Joel stops once he’s met with the face of his daughter. A frown portraying her lips as she hears her name.

Joel wasn’t trying to play cupid. He just knows that his daughter has lacked friends for way too long, and he knows high school was insanely rough for her. Ellie’s only 19 and she’s gone through the loss of so many friends, he was so happy to see that she was bonding with you. Seeing his daughters bright smile, that actually seemed real was a feeling he didn’t want to pass up.

And plus, Ellie has a habit of not seeing things through, when it gets too much she pulls back. So when your father talked people going down to the lake and having a bonfire, Joel confirmed and offered Ellie to take you.

Ellie just wasn’t aware about all that…yet!

You don’t walk in to long after her, once Ellie left you in a silent room you quickly got uncomfortable standing in a place which wasn’t even yours? So you trailed right after her figure, following so now everyone’s in the kitchen.

“Huh?” You ask also hearing the ‘Ellie can take her’ causing more anxiety.

“Joel was just tellin’ me that some folks go down by the lake for a bonfire” He smiles looking at you. Your dad sees as no smile, or even happy emotions appear so he adds on a little “People your age!” He smiles and looks at both you and Ellie. His little add on did nothing, because he watched how neither one of your faces contorted into something that seemed joyful.

“What the fuck?” Ellie says a bit too loud, Everyone’s attention being turned to face her. Regardless of those words being directed at Joel.

Ellie was mad because Joel knew what the fuck happened, she thought it was clear that she was done with you. And vice versa. Yet he’s here saying that it’ll be a “fun” idea for the both you to go down to the lake.

“Ellie watch your languag-“ Joel starts before you voice shines through. “No seriously it’s okay- we don’t gotta go..” You say looking at the auburn hair girl.

Ellie’s eyes are steered far away from yours, not wanting to see you talk to her. Knowing that she’ll probably fold eventually.

Joel shakes his head as soon as you say those words. “No-no, trust me, this kid will stay in all night. Plus you don’t want to be around two drunk old men?” He chuckles looking at the two of you. “Do ya?” He continues, smiling. Joel’s hand on your dad’s shoulder as they down drinks.

He was right, you didn’t want to be around two drunk middle aged men, but you didn’t want to be stuck with Ellie, not after everything that happened, she obviously fucking hates you now? You’ve dug this hole far too deep.

But you knew Joel, nor your dad would stop the pushing.

And if you did stay you’d have to deal with their annoying behaviour.

So you just look down and nod, turning your gaze to see Ellie, she looks just as defeated as you.

So soon enough there’s a sigh falling from both your lips.

You didn’t really have a choice..

You and Ellie headed out as soon as the sun was down, and since it was still summer it did take a bit.

So now it was late at night, and the sounds distant sound of birds chirping and crickets ringing made just a bit of noise for the silence to be to obvious.

On the bright side walk was short. You and Ellie walked beside each other but it was odd. Because she didn’t talk and neither did you, both unsure at how you’ll continue after this point. And to be completely honest, you’re not really looking for Ellie to swear at you once again. It was starting to get old real quick.

It felt so weird hearing her be cold towards you. Considering the only Ellie you knew was the sweet one. The one who opened your door for you, laid on your bedroom floor watching on your shoulder as you read. That Ellie. And even though you had no say, and it was honestly selfish after what you did, you did miss that version of her.

It just felt like a whole personally swap.

This Ellie is so distance, and now that you’re both forced in a close proximity it honestly doesn’t make it better. So you just decided to force words out of your throat.

“You mad at me?” You question turning to look at her, her hands are stuffed in her jean pockets, eyes glued to the rocky ground as her legs drag, a causing the rocks to be kicked forward, you can’t even read Ellie’s features because she has a baseball cap covering them.

All Ellie does is hum out a “No.” Trying to avoid more conflict. She didn’t even enjoy being a dick to you, she just assumed you’d stop pushing by now, she even thought being this mean might feel good? To get out some pent up resentment she’s built up since that morning.

“Okay…” You look down following her trail. Trying to find your voice once again. “Ellie I wasn’t trying to lead you on..?” You spit out.

You didn’t actually know if Ellie was like that..you never had confirmation. It’s just that night so much shit went down, the insults from Jack, and the other people that attended the party. There was an undoubtable pattern, and that’s not even mentioning the morning after.

You literally agreeing with Jacks words, earning the reaction it got from Ellie. It seemed almost clear that all the stuff you heard was probably true. But you didn’t want to find out if she was like that, that would change so much? Too much.

So you saying you weren’t trying to lead her on feels like a cover. A partial apology for cuddling with her all night and giving signs that you guys weren’t just platonic friends. Like you had some weird crush on her, it just made everything so messy.

Your words only gets Ellie to chuckle. “You think so highly of yourself- it’s fucking exhausting” Ellie scoffs out before walking down finally reaching the starting bonfire. The crowds of people growing. Either way you’re still right beside her, searching for her eyes that refuse to meet yours.

Mainly because what she said next, she knew that if you saw her eyes you’d see through it.

“I didn’t- I don’t fucking like you. I haven’t fucking liked you” Ellie spits out looking straight at you. Her words always choosing to fail her.

Her words leave you shocked. Pink growing on your cheeks, embarrassed, maybe even ashamed. You just felt fucking stupid.

Even though you couldn’t see Ellie’s eyes straight on you noticed a burn in despite them portraying a forest green, there was burning the more she thought about you, thought about what happened, it made her mad.

But in Ellie’s mind it was a constant back in forth of how stupid she must have been, to think that maybe you felt something. It’s not like she was mad at you.

She was mad at herself for believing that maybe you did feel something. Something for her.

Once you’ve made actually made it down the mini hill entirely you’re met with a bunch of people, they seemed around your age, just like your dad mentioned. They already seemed to have heavy amounts of liquor in their system.

Ellie seemed to discard away from you as soon as you both made it down the hill. So you’re alone, with a shit tom of people you don’t even know?

You didn’t have a plan to drink tonight, you honestly didn’t know what to do, Ellie seems to hate you. You don’t particularly have anyone else, and theres a looming coldness is travelling through your body. You just didn’t know what the fuck do anymore.

“Hey there!” A guy yells from the bonfire, his figure now moving closer towards you.

He brings his finger up to point at you, his brown eyes studying your features “You know what? I haven’t seen you at a bonfire before? You new?” He questions looking you up in down, fully taking in your appearance.

You are nodding your head like an idiot, cheeks turning a light pink out of embarrassment. “Uh..yeah!” You pause for a few seconds getting a good look around before you spot Ellie, she’s sitting a couple feet away from the bonfire, just watching the fire rather than paying attention to the drunk teens and early 20 year olds that surround the place. “I’m with her-“ You say moving your hand to point towards Ellie’s figure.

He nods slowly, looking at Ellie then back at you. “Shit Williams?” He sorta chuckles, his tone implying that he knew something, you just weren’t sure what. “She’s a bit strange, no?” He questions tilting his head, brown eyes meeting yours.

But before you could even answer he talks once more, finally confirming what you only knew as a speculation. “Everyone knows she’s like some lesbo? I mean it’s truly no secret. She waltz around dressed like a fucking man?” He laughs softly excepting a laugh from you to arise, but when it doesn’t he then looks at you, a slight tint of nervousness. “You two aren’t dating right?” He takes a cautious step back from you.

You felt yourself tense up at the guys words, because hearing it first hand, having someone purposefully tell you, almost warn you? It felt weird. You weren’t even sure what to reply with. Then remembering you blanked on the question at hand. Were you and Ellie a fucking thing?

“No!” You spit out, it sounded so defensive, like you would hate for someone to even question that. To loop you and Ellie together, picturing you as some sort of couple.

“No..gross” You say tilting your gaze down, embarrassed at how you could say that, especially to the girl you’ve just spent the whole first half of summer with. The girl who you still much rather be around as of now.

A smile appears on his face, taking the confirmation that you and Ellie were nothing that fell along the lines of a couple. He quickly extends his hand towards you. “I’m Liam” He smiles looking at you waiting for your hand to reach his, ready to hear your name in return.

And that’s what you did, you told Liam your name shaking his hand lightly. His gaze didn’t leave yours once. He was a little taller than you, he had blonde hair and brown eyes.

“Wanna get a drink?” He ask moving his body closer towards you. Hand snaking to your shoulder.

You nod, words unable to leave your mouth. You honestly don’t even know what’s wrong with you, you don’t want to be with Liam right now, but it’s not like you can just leave..

You don’t even know what you’re doing, you want to be with Ellie, but you don’t want to be perceived as her girlfriend or something.

You didn’t understand what to do.

————

You drank, and drank, and drank. Drowning whatever feelings you were having with the burn of alcohol dripping down your throat. It was shot after shot, and drink after drink.

You didn’t even know where Ellie was anymore.

All you had next to your side was Liam, his uncomfortable grip on your waist making sure neither of you can get away from each other.

His brown eyes never peeling from yours as he talked about his boring interest, you’d swear if he wasn’t so focused on himself he would noticed the fact you stopped caring a long time ago.

The worst part about it is that Liam was clearly flirting with you the whole night, and unfortunately so were you.

Despite not wanting to.

You played into his game, distracting yourself from the girl you’re undoubtedly missing right now. And the fact it got easier the more you drank made this whole situation a bit more risky. Because if drinking is the only way to get your mind off Ellie, you didn’t know what to do.

Your whole life felt like it was switching, turning over and you had no control? You didn’t even know if you liked girls..liked Ellie? It made no sense.

You were never the boy crazy type while compared to your friends back home, but you were never “girl crazy”. And truthfully besides Ellie you couldn’t recall a time where a friendship seemed like it was leaning into more. It made this whole process that much worse.

You didn’t want to like Ellie, you didn’t even think you liked Ellie! All you knew was that you would rather be with her, have her talk to you, hear her voice.

Just- shit that friends would do. Thats all you wanted to be with her.

Friends!

The more Liam leaned into you, the more he flirted and you flirted back you couldn’t take it. It felt like walls were closing in on you and you had zero control over them.

Liam’s hand reaches that little sliver between your shorts and t shirt, touching the exposed skin. “My cabins like a two minute walk. You wanna go.” He ask pulling back to look at you.

Finally you catch sights of eyes on you, green ones.

Her gaze is focused on Liam’s hand, not realizing your watching yet, you noticed how Ellie’s teeth is tugged in her bottom lip. Watching this weird moment with Liam as it plays out.

Even though you didn’t really notice it Ellie was paying attention to you almost the whole night.

Ellie tried to convince herself this whole thing with you would blow over. Like she’d be able to forget about you so fucking easily, but she was so quickly proven wrong. Because it never took long for her thoughts to dawn on the night in your bedroom.

Or the way you held her face with care when her nose was bleeding..she felt like she couldn’t forget about that. And she hated herself for that reason.

She watched Liam approach you early into that night, Ellie knew that Liam is one of Jacks close friends so she obviously wasn’t too fond of him. She saw the way he wrapped his arms around you, and the way you complied, the way he would lean into you the more drunk the both of you got, how you would laugh at something he said.

It made it worse that Ellie knew one thousand percent it was probably something stupid, but guys like Liam and Jack have some charm on girls she can’t seem to understand.

she hated it. Hated how Liam was gaining your attention, taking up every single minute your down by the bonfire. It’s selfish because Ellie knows, say she had the chance to talk to you tonight she’d most likely avoid it. And not to mention Ellie’s convinced you hate her.

And for that reason she felt like she didn’t exactly have a say.

All she knew is that you were extremely drunk, it was late and you guys definitely had to be home soon enough.

At least that was her excuse for what she was about to do.

Because in no time Ellie’s sticking her drink somewhere in the sand so it stands up, her feet are dragging themselves and she’s travelling right over to you and Liam.

You saw Ellie walking over and her eyes didn’t leave Liam’s face. Not even once. You prayers were answered, someone was interrupting, even if that person was Ellie so be it.

She was so focused on the brown eyed guy that had his arm looped right around you the whole night, pulling you closer and closer into him. Ellie just now she feels like whatever she’s doing is justified to get Liam away from you.

“We gotta leave.” Ellie faces you. Hoping that you’ll just follow along, try to ignore the fact she was being such a fucking dick to you the whole night.

Liam leans into you a bit, his grip on your waist tightening a little, he tilts his head and looks at Ellie, observing her appearance from the shoes all the way to her head. He just lets out a dry chuckle. There was nothing funny, he was just being a dick.

“How’s the nose Ellie?” Liam questions with a smug smirk, Liam was just like Jack, one of the popular boys who peaked in high school. And even though that’s the case, they still torment Ellie like they did in high school. Laughing at her like she’s some circus freak.

He then looks at you and smiles. “She’s such a fucking loser.” He says with no hesitation, the way it slipped off his tongue with ease made it so fucking clear this isn’t the first time he’s said these things to her, it made you feel sick.

You don’t react to what Liam said, you just look at over towards Ellie, you see as her eyes shift back and forth from you and Liam then down to the ground. A genuine frown appears on her lips.

You wanted to understand how you could go from spending every moment of summer together to whatever the fuck this was. Watching someone belittle her with ease as you sit on the sidelines.

Ellie’s always tried to trick herself into believing the stuff people said really didn’t bother her, trying to laugh it off, or try not to take it serious since they were just stupid comments from people who clearly weren’t mature, but there was something about having multiple people degrading you constantly for the simple fact of being yourself.

That constant feeling of rejection starts to build up over time, and even though she didn’t show it, it did hurt…A lot.

Ellie starts to realize maybe there’s no point, she’s over this whole situation, the conversation, the fact that you didn’t even think to defend her. You just watched, so Ellie steps back. She’s gotta go home. With or without you..

Your eyes are peeling towards Ellie and the fact she’s now backing away, you look at Liam then back at her. Liam still has some triumph smile on his face, expressing that he “won” or something.

“I’m gonna go..” You sigh out and tilt your head and give Liam a polite smile. “Thank you for tonight.” You add on, trying to be nice, regardless of the way he talked about Ellie, and the way he talked to her. Telling her awful shit even to her face?

You then look at Ellie, her eyebrows are still furrowed and she’s not even looking at you, it seems like she didn’t even pick up what you said because there was no distinct reaction. She’s just looking down lost in thought.

You tap her shoulder trying to snap her out of this weird state she’s in, it works, Ellies eyes turn to yours, they’re glazed over and her eyebrows are still furrowed. “Let’s go..?” You question looking at Ellie.

She doesn’t respond, Ellie just starts to walk up the tiny hill leading away from the bonfire and the people. Ellie’s not talking, not looking at you, she seems so out of it, like nothing that’s happening right now is even processing to her. She even started walking without waiting for you. This seems so much more than the usual spite she seemed to have for you. Because you can tell that’s she’s just expressing hurt. Not even anger.

“Ellie just wait up..!” You say trying to catch up to her, her legs still moving fast enough to the point where she’s speed walking. “I’m sorry about Liam- he’s such a- a prick.” You sigh out looking at her. It seems like the first actual full sentence you’ve got out without her coming back quickly with swear words. But she doesn’t say anything, she just keeps walking.

Ellie didn’t understand why someone like you would give attention to someone like Liam, but he’s also the one who had his arm around you the whole night, Ellie wonders if she’d would be able to grab your attention if she was a guy..

Is really that feeling, the one that is starting to feel so fucking overwhelming.

“Ellie wait up!” You grab her shoulder forcefully, excepting her turn around, or for her to even acknowledge your presence. “Can we just talk?” You sigh out, tired of whatever is happening between you two. “Please?” You add on.

Ellie just shakes her head silently not turning around to face you, leaving you faced with her back.

You move your legs to finally get a good view of her, each step is heavier then the last one, the moons dim light making this even more dramatic in your opinion.

Even though it was dark it was no secret Ellie’s eyes were rimmed red and her chest is pounding up and down.

You see how her eyes are doing everything in their power to avoid yours. Her teeth are tugged in her bottom lip and you look down noticing how her hands are shaking. You didn’t understand what was happening, you’ve never seen someone look like they’re portraying a full factory reset in person. So now you’re scared? You don’t even know if she’s okay.

“Hey- are you okay” You say in a scared-ish tone, still looking at Ellie. She doesn’t respond just shakes her head no fast, you could run back down to the bonfire and grab someone for help but Ellie takes notice you seemed to be panicked and quickly managed to spit out “I just need- need to calm down” She says looking at you.

You could probably calm her down, seeing as that’s all she’s needs to happen. You nod slowly and step forward, arms thinking before your brain could process and ending up around Ellie.

Ellie’s arms hesitate to wrap around your body, being nervous considering this is the first time you’ve both even touched each other after the whole “incident” happened.

She still leaned into the hug, her breath starting to calm down and heart starting to pace itself. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, she was just glad that since you were hugging her you couldn’t see the embarrassing state she was in.

“Breath..” You sigh holding onto Ellie, your grip entails that you might have needed this hug just as much as her.

Ellie nods slowly and keeps her head on your shoulder. To be fair not sure what pushed her to say her next sentence, because all it did was embarrass her further. “Are we even still friends?..” Ellie says her grip loosing around your body.

You’ve known Ellie for a month. And as ridiculous as it sounded, right now she seems like the most priceless thing that you refuse to lose out of pure stupidity?

“Of course..” You tighten your arms around her, making up for the looseness she caused.

“Are you mad at me?” Ellie ask, head still laying on your shoulder.

It was a crazy difference from that morning and now. Because as much as you both seemed okay with loosing each other neither of you are willing to let go now.

“No.” You say, confidence radiating from your tone and look. Because you meant it, you weren’t mad at Ellie for anything that went down that night. You were drunk, all the both of you did was cuddle, and it could’ve meant nothing. You were still convinced it meant nothing, because you weren’t ready to accept that it meant more. Even though deep down those feelings were starting to bubble.

“You mad at me.?” You question arms still around her.

“No.” Ellie sighs out, she wasn’t mad at you. But she’s always starting to realize you’re definitely not good for her, she’s never consistently cried over the same person. Let alone ever let feelings ever get this intense for one person.

And unfortunately she’s having a hard time separating the fact you’re one of her best friends, and the same girl she’s starting to fall for. She’s not even sure when those became the same thing. All she knows that if she can’t separate those things then this friendship won’t work.

But she also doesn’t know how to pull back from you.

“Okay..” You nod slowly.

“I don’t know why I freaked out..” You add.

The worse part is, you definitely did know why you freaked.

You just weren’t ready to admit that reason, you weren’t ready to admit that you let your insecurities outweigh you and target Ellie, that being in yelling form of course.

Not ready to admit that you might just have feelings for a girl.

It was making you nauseous.

“I shouldn’t have” You pause then talk. “Freaked out.” You clarify, you and Ellie still hugging. Which is becoming excessive because Ellie’s breathing is normal and tears are no longer flowing. “I just thought maybe you thought I-“ You start.

Ellie was quick to cut your words off, not wanting to hear you say “maybe you thought I liked you”. She knows that’ll hurt a lot more then the situation itself.

“I don’t.” Ellie sighs, and pulls back from the hug, realizing that she’s starting to take it as not a friendly thing, like her mind was tricking her that you liked her or something? Everything was turning so confusing. “And plus I was a dick too.” Ellie says, each word felt so fucking heavy. Like her chest was weighing down on her.

“Can we please just- forget about it..” You sigh looking at her, realizing that could have two meanings. “The fight” You clarify, you don’t even want to admit to Ellie you remember that night in your bedroom. Embarrassed even thinking back to in. Unsure of why you did the things you did.

“Yeah.” Ellie nods far too quickly, willing to drop everything just to feel like she has you back, but she knows it’ll probably be different.

“I don’t want us to not talk because of the fight.” You both knew that if you two were to stop talking it wouldn’t be because of a fight. It would probably be another “friendly” mistake that would give you the same outcome as this, just way worse.

“You’re like my best friend” You say looking at her, you said it with the intent of emphasizing on the friend part, hoping it will convince the both of you that’s all you are..

All you wanted to be with Ellie was just friends.

“You’re mine too.” Ellie says looking you up and down.

It’s clear now.

You’re just friends.

A/N -> THEE END!

Jk, I honestly planned for two parts on this fic (originally) but now it mayyy become a slow burn 🌚

idek yet because when I tell you i’m so busy this summer it’s actually kinda concerning, like Istg I have one free week and i’m still on vacation as I’m writing this.

IM SO SORRY it took so long btw, i feel like i need to be be cancelled after telling everyone it’s gonna take 2 weeks 😭 (it came out after a month, what the actualll hell)

but the next part i promise i’ll try my best to get it out really fast! Like two weeks will be the goal, I hope you liked this part because I tried to make it a bit longer as a little apology. tyty for reading and I hope you enjoyed.

(Like and reblogs are alwaysss appreciated 😘😘)

taglist : @diddiqueen @bready101 @mcqueeferson (couldn’t tag a few people 🫤)

[pi3ce0fme4t]

t///w : s3xual abvse, substance abvse, severe trauma, csa? maybe technically i was a minor for all of it.

i just want him to d!3 quite frankly. how the fuck do you get away with r*ping so many people multiple times? why are we all so terrified to go to the police and maybe just maybe get justice.

it took me A YEAR to finally tell someone what you actually did to me, what actually happened during sex and they said dude that is r*pe. it was some of the most excruciatingly painful information i had to finally process and accept. looking back , obviously it’s r*pe when someone says ‘ please stop doing that it hurts me i don’t like it’ and they say ‘ i don’t care i like it’ and then continue to do it. something along those lines happened more than once with my ex. after awhile you just fucking give up. during that relationship i was abvsing my adhd meds and i did like tiny amounts of c0ke along with drinking occasionally and taking sm rips everyday and vaping and whatever else i could get my hands on really. i was high on two or three diff things everyday , and switching it up everyday some weeks. i was doing all of that to cope with so much trauma already + bpd n cptsd n a bunch of other shit while actively being abvsed. i’d like to say that after we broke that was the end of it but nah. it just got worse and worse. d34th thre4ts, thr34ts of harm, transphobia. he harassed me for months after i broke up with him and posted ab me. even when i wasn’t also harassing him a little bit telling him he was horrible bc he also emotionally abvsed me and i recognized that and i just couldn’t let it go. he’s also a l0ser and it made me feel better to make fun of him. almost a year after we broke up i made the mistake of trying to f him again idk why. he ended up SAing me for revenge for cheating on him n another ex apparently even tho that ex hated him and b34t him up for doing that to me. i’d also like to state that he literally cheated on me way more than the one time i kind of did ??? i also had constant utis and i pissed blood clots twice ! it took 3 rounds of antibiotics to find a good one , a strong enough one to fix it. everyone else that’s been with him has also gotten a uti or something or other or suspect it. he cheats on everyone, he gives people stis bc he refuses to wear a condom and will just r*pe you if you refuse to do it without one or he will coerce you. he violently assaulted me and i was too ashamed and afraid to go to the police. instead i went back to school. i called one of my besties at the time and told them what happened bc i wasnt even sure at first if he had assaulted me. even tho i said stop three different times, and i was very afraid and he hurt me. i was already afraid bc he started choking me while kissing me and was very aggressive and i told him to stop and he did and then he did what he did. and then later through text he said he didn’t hear me say stop even tho during he said again ‘ but i like it’ basically. ( actually he fucking said ‘ but i like head pushing then shoved my head onto his dick again for the second time ! ) it makes me feel physically ill. i couldn’t sleep in my own bed slot of night after it first happened. or i didn’t want to leave it because it was the only place that was safe but it was also so unsafe bc i just would have flashbacks of shit that happened and just not sleep bc i was terrified of nightmares.

a few months later is when i started to find other victims. i reached out to his most recent h ex at the time and she told me terrible things that are not my business to share at all. at the time i had gotten into a weird sexual relationship with a guy and he had sa’d me three times and then continued to essentially abvse me online thru video n text under the guise of fwb and kink ( he’s also a fucking ch!ld m0lestor but i didn’t now that until it was way too late. ) finding out all of that plus going through all of that and THEN EVEN MORE STUFF HAPPENING caused me to spiral and start drinking really bad so i could cope and also not have lots of graphic memories of all of it. it was truly the worst time in my life. and truly this isn’t even a 1/5th of the whole story. the whole domino effect of december 8th, 2018. since even before that day but that was truly the start, i have been through so much s3xual trauma. it is unbelievable and hard to cope with everyday. today i am thinking about number 4 ? ig yeah. or at least rn. and i’m thinking ab number 5 bc everyday for the next month and the last month have been basically trauma anniversaries bc of him last yr. but tbh so many days are trauma anniversaries when u have cptsd and have been abvsed sm. i wish nobody ever laid their hands on me. i wish they listened to no or stop. i wish they listened to the law. i wish they hadn’t pushed their fantasies on me. i wish he didn’t fucking fuck me when i was blacked out and A FUCKING 14-15 YER OLD. i wish none of it ever happened.

[triggerhappyimagines]

If it's okay could I request how the dr3 boys would react to their s/o being accidentally shrunk during one of Miu's experiments or something? I thought it would be a good opportunity for lots of fluff and protectiveness hehE

this was actually very fun to write, thank you for requesting anon!! also, i apologize if some of these scenarios sound repetitive, i wrote the ones i had instant ideas for first, and then sort of left myself stuck trying to think of something for the others that didn’t sound exactly like everything else i’d already written...

also, just for fun, i decided to write a little scenario for Miu, too! i hadn’t planned on it at first, but her involvement in this particular request made me want to write for her and i couldn’t help myself,,,, this is my first time writing an imagine-type thing for her so i can only hope i did her justice aha~

warnings: a little bit of swearing

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:

Shuichi Saihara

— VERY CONCERNED!!! VERY VERY CONCERNED!!!

— you’re so small!! what if you get lost?! what if someone steps on you?! what if you fall off something and die?! what if-

— you’ll have to calm him down before he gives himself an aneurysm lol

— somehow he’s more worried than you are. Miu says she’ll be able to get you back to normal in no time, so why shouldn’t you trust her? Shuichi could give you about a thousand reasons but that’s beside the point

— if it were up to him he would hold you and not let go unless he absolutely has to in order to make sure you don’t get hurt or stuck somewhere but obviously that’s unrealistic

— to an extent, it’s cute how worried he is about you, but it does get annoying from time to time

— i mean, you’re shrunk, not stupid. you know to stay away from edges of tables and other things you could fall from, not to wander off, etc.

— but as frustrating as Shuichi can be you really can’t get upset with him because dammit he’s so cute when he gets protective and you love him so so much

Rantaro Amami

— honestly he’s not super concerned at first

— he trusts you to be careful and not get yourself killed, and he trusts Miu to get you back to normal somehow, so why should he be worried?

— though he’ll still be pretty chill for the most part, he will start to be more protective of you when he starts to fully process the sheer number of tragic deaths you could succumb to in your current shrunken state

— this protectiveness takes the form of him offering you way more assistance than you need

— it’s nice that you want to help out, rantaro, but your s/o doesn’t need you to help them find something to sit on, c’mon now

— he kind of enjoys the way you literally fit right into the palm of his hands

— additionally, there’s now a very small, feral urge in the back of his mind to brush and style your hair like his sisters always used to do with their dolls

— he’ll probably never mention it, but don’t be too surprised if he all of a sudden takes a strong liking to playing with your hair once you’re back to normal

Kokichi Ouma

— did you expect him to treat this situation with the proper concern and caution it deserves? because if so i have bad news for you-

— he thinks it’s so funny how small you are

— like, so funny Miu has to physically intervene to get him to stop cracking up at your tiny form

— obviously you don’t think it’s as funny as he does

— right away he’s thinking of ways he could use your size to his advantage to mess with somebody

— at one point he decides it would be really funny to pretend he’s going to step on you which essentially translates to pretending he’s going to murder you but once you chew him out and explain to him how mean that was he actually feels really bad for upsetting you

— while he’s nowhere near as small as you are now, Kokichi is a rather petite guy, so the size difference between the two of you isn’t quite as drastic as it is between you and the taller guys

— since he’s a little less likely to accidentally smush you, he’s able to sorta cuddle you as if you were a small stuffed animal

— and btw being gently held and all snuggled up in his arms like that??? HEAVEN. LITERAL HEAVEN

Gonta Gokuhara

— if i had to choose someone who’s the least likely to accidentally get you killed while you’re shrunk, it would be Gonta

— i mean, he handles bugs that are much smaller and delicate than you are now, and if he can take such good care of them, obviously he’ll be able to take care of you no problem!

— you draw the line at him putting you in the little bug box he carries with him, though. you’re a human being, not a beetle!

— he likes to have you sit on his shoulders! they’re so broad that there’s plenty of room for you, too

— his hair is long enough for you to hang onto it to keep your balance if you need to!

— being so tiny also really puts into perspective just how gentle Gonta is

— yes, you’ve seen firsthand how he’s able to handle delicate little insects, and he’s always gentle with you, too, but being in the position of an insect in the palm of his hand, so to speak, is so much different

— you’ve never had anyone touch you with so much care, solicitude, and just pure love before and it’s honestly the most incredible feeling in the world

K1-B0

— another very concerned boy

— (s/o) is tiny???? how??? WHY??? HUH??

— at he’s pretty concerned about his knowledge of how humans work and fears he knows much less than he thought

— nobody ever told him they could shrink!!! he didn’t know humans could do that!! that’s because they can’t, kiibo, but i appreciate the concern

— once you explain what happened to him - how you were helping Miu out when her current experiment decided to malfunction and go apeshit, making you the size of a doll in the process - he’s a little less confused but also a lot more angry

— he makes sure to give Miu a thorough lecture on lab safety! he can’t have his s/o getting hurt just by being in the same room as her!!

— don’t worry, he’ll simmer down once you assure him that you’re okay!

— similar to Gonta, Kiibo is very careful with you! he knows you’re much more fragile than he is under normal circumstances, but now that you’re so little he’s even more worried about how susceptible to injury you are

— when he holds you or touches you, he does so with the utmost precision and care, as if you’re made of glass and would shatter if he laid his hands on you incorrectly

— he won’t tell you this, but he’s really looking forward to the day Miu is able to get you back to normal just so he won’t need to be so anxious about your safety anymore

— it’s hard work worrying about the person you love!!

Kaito Momota

— another one who’s probably not as phased by the situation as he should be

— but when Miu told him that she’d accidentally shrunk his s/o, he didn’t think that meant "i shrunk your s/o and don’t have a way fix it at this point in time"

— so when he realizes that now he has to help make sure you don’t, idk, die, he’s a little annoyed. not with you, though!

— i mean, technically he doesn’t *have* to help you out, but it would be a real dick move if he didn’t lol

— he lets you sit up on his shoulder, or in the pocket of his jacket!

— at first he doesn’t totally process that you’re a little more fragile than usual, so he may accidentally manhandle you from time to time

— just be sure to tell him if he’s holding you strangely, or if you’re starting to get uncomfy

— his priority is making sure you’re taken care of and he's not about to let himself of all people get in the way of that!!

Korekiyo Shinguuji

— he’s very worried about you, but he’ll try to hide it

— the last thing he wants to do is make your situation more stressful than it needs to be by fussing over you to no end

— it’s not that he doesn’t think you can take care of yourself anymore! he just doesn’t think the world is safe enough for you anymore!

— if you catch on to his anxiety and decide to question him about it, he’ll most likely go off on a tangent about how ‘humans are at the top of the food chain’ and ‘there’s a reason most predators are large and most prey is small’ and ‘in nature small creatures are naturally put in constant danger" or something

— while you may not necessarily appreciate him comparing you to a small prey animal, you know his heart is in the right place

— he just wants to protect you!!

— Kiyo has pretty large, slender hands, and you fit in his palm rather comfortably

— under normal circumstances, he’s incredibly gentle with you, and his delicacy of his touches increases tenfold now that you’re so tiny

— in a strange way, it almost feels like he handles you the same way he would handle some sort of fragile, ancient artifact that could be destroyed with just the smallest slip of the hand

— frankly, it’s a bit of an unusual sensation, albeit in a good way!! it’s nice to be touched so gently, y’know?

Ryoma Hoshi

— he’s glad to have a chance to be the tall one in the relationship... lol i’m jk... or am i?

— unlike the other guys, Ryoma doesn’t really dote on you and assume you need his help for everything, mostly because he knows firsthand what it’s like to be so much smaller than someone

— he doesn’t really like being treated like he’s helpless, or needs constant aid from taller people, so he’s mindful of the way he responds to the situation as not to end up behaving exactly like those who frustrate him to no end

— of course if you need him for anything, whether it’s helping you go from one place to another, or just wanting some love from your boyfriend, he’s always right there for you!

— however, sometimes he needs to go get someone taller than him to help you out with something, which he really Does Not Enjoy™️, so before you ask him to help you get something from up high (by your current standards, ofc) be sure to ask yourself if it really can’t wait until you’re back to normal lol

— like with Kokichi, the size difference between you and Ryoma isn’t all that drastic compared to some of the others, so he also manages to cuddle you without much issue. it’s a little awkward at first, but at least there’s no fear he might accidentally lay on top of you and squish you to death

— perks of having a boyfriend who’s 3’5", y’know?

Miu Iruma

— you’ve always enjoyed helping Miu out in her lab, and it isn’t uncommon for her to request your assistance with something, but up until now nothing has ever really... gone wrong in there, at least not majorly

— somehow, whatever shrinking device she’d been working on decided to have an absolute freak attack and target you, not the watermelon she was about to test it on, and now you’re about ten times smaller than you should be

— at least it works... right?

— she’s very apologetic and honestly feels so incredibly guilty that she could have possibly let something like this happen to you

— you’re honestly not very upset at first. she can fix it and you’ll be back to normal in no time, right? ...right?

— now is not the best time for Miu to be telling you about how she hasn’t yet developed a way to reverse the shrinking properties of her latest invention, but unfortunately she doesn’t really have another choice

— in the meantime, she takes it upon herself to whip up a few things to make your new life as a tiny person easier until she can dedicate her time to finding out how to get you back to normal

— you’re a little surprised at the sheer amount of robotic tools and gadgets provided to you that she just had laying around, as well as how quickly she’s able to throw together little devices to help you get around quicker, or reach things up high

— if there was any doubt that she was truly upset that her experimentation could have gone so wrong, it all vanishes the second she places her lips on your head (you may be small but that’s not going to stop her from kissing you!!) and says she’s never going to let herself put you in harms way ever again

— she loves you more than anything in the world, and would spend the rest of her life trying to undo the damage she caused if she had to! that’s how much you mean to her <3

[5shinya]

fake dating with diluc.

warnings: alcohol consumption (diluc).

mostly pure fluff, headcanons. this is being written at exactly one in the morning, i’ll fix grammatical and spelling errors in the morning.

reader / insert is gender neutral, i’m scared diluc is ooc.

DILUC

— diluc, one of the most sought out bachelors of monstadt and the infamous tycoon of the wine industry, was single.

— you see, diluc usually doesn’t care for such antics, really he doesn’t.

— but that’s until women started to crowd dawn winery, and it wasn’t for wine. it was getting irritating if he thought so.

— and though he’s explicitly said that he was not of interest, they wouldn’t listen. diluc, frankly, was annoyed.

— “why don’t you just start fake dating with someone? i mean, they should have enough manners to leave you alone after that right?” diluc glanced at you weirdly, “i’m sure anyone would agree to dating you, even if it was fake.”

— you eyed him seriously, somewhat fed up with the ongoing conversation topic of his rude fangirls he complained about everyday.

— diluc made what seemed to be a scoff and a sigh, “when would i end the relationship? besides, i don’t intend on leading someone on.”

— “you don’t have to if you just explain it to said person, but it’s up to you. go to someone you’re close with maybe.” you twirled the wine cup in your hand, watching the liquid slosh around sporadically.

— “okay then, would you like to be my fake partner.”

— you stopped your antics, placing the glass cup down thoughtfully. you knew it was going to hurt if you accepted, but you also wanted to help in any way you could.

— this was going to hurt at the end. that mantra repeated in your head while you look toward your hands. gripping tightly onto the cup.

— “hey, are you there?” you blinked awake, looking back up to your close friend. who you have, begrudgingly, developed feelings for.

— “sure, we can fake date.” and with that, the rest of your week was utter hell.

— you guys haven’t really discussed how you were going to pull off this “fake dating” thing, the next morning at the tavern was filled with hesitant and awkward glances.

— then the women arrived, again, trying to get a shot at seducing the red haired man. who was deeply annoyed, only to remember why you had stopped by in the first place.

— from the stool you sat at, calmly reading a book while taking a sip or two from your choice of drink. diluc grabs your hand, surprisedly gentle though he glare seems to pierce through whatever surprised face you formed.

— “exit the winery if you do not plan on drinking, i am already in a healthy relationship.” his voice is steady and loud, grabbing the attention of almost everyone in the bar.

— the girls have a face of horror and shock, you subconsciously grab onto diluc’s hand tightly at the dirty glares sent at your direction.

— begrudgingly, and not before more prodding, did they leave. giving you and diluc a little breather, but still not letting go of each other. letting the intertwined limbs stay as they are, feeling it was quite comforting.

— days passed, and the girls who lined up at the winery started to very slowly disappear.

— to keep up the facade of a couple, diluc would take you out on somewhat public dates. wishing to keep his privacy but keep the little stunt you guys have made, he would also hesitantly offer fleeting affections.

— said affections being a small doting kiss on the cheek or a firm grip on your hand. you knew this was a bad decision. reminding yourself that none of it was real and was all just a mere stunt you needed to pull for a friend.

— yes, he was only a friend. only a friend.

— eventually, all the girls had left the winery in frustration and hopelessness. this taking at least a month, it has been a daily thing to hold your hand and give small kisses on your cheeks.

— none of it was real, none, you told yourself. none.

— so when diluc had asked to talk, you braced yourself with a placid face. tension thick in the air.

— “so what are we?” he asked, before quickly correcting himself, “should we end this then?”

— he made it sound like it was illicit. you inwardly sighed while trying to sort out your feelings.

— “what if…. what if i didn’t want it to end?” you asked quietly, though it was more for yourself as you shake your head. you already blurted it out, there was no point of hiding.

— “i think i’ve grown feelings for you and i don’t think they’re stopping any time sooner. you asked before, what we are …..” you pause, feeling yourself heat up, “what is your response?”

— to which silence follows suit, you get up abruptly.

— “i’m sorry, you don’t have to return these feelings, but i wanted to let you know.” you turn away, slightly trembling as you take a deep breath in. the smell of grapes and alcohol was now something you found comfort in through those days of pretending.

— “i like you too.” diluc pauses, a small smile edging on his lips, “i’d also like this …. relationship to go on.”

i don’t know how to fcukung endthis i’m so tired omg, but yeah unedited i’ll edit it tomorrow.

idk if i hsev to reallt say this comsidering this is literlsly my first post or whatever, don’t steal or plagiarize or copy. thank you and goodnight.

[keichanz]

Out of Time

First off, let me just begin by sayING I AM SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY THIS IS FINALLY DONE YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

Secondly, I have several notes I want to make you aware of, however it’s going to get sort of lengthy because I have a lot to say, so you if you’d rather skip it and go straight to the story that’s fine. They’re more my thoughts than anything and nothing is required reading to understand the story.

You all oughta know that near the end of the story I became very lazy because I just wanted to finish the damn thing so if it seems rushed, that’s because it is. There are probably tons of errors - grammatical, spelling or otherwise - loose ends, loop holes, and plot points that I should have expounded on better, but I was just so happy to be done with it that I didn’t bother to go back, find any and fix them. Maybe someday I’ll go back and fine tune everything, but for now it’s gonna stay as is because frankly I’m sick of looking at it lmaoo.

DO YOU KNOW THIS FREAKING MONSTROSITY IS 39 GODDAMN PAGES. which is why i’m splitting it into two parts.

I, uh, sorta forgot that Kirara existed so she’s not anywhere in this fic lmao oops. So pretend she’s recovering from some injury at Kaede’s village or something.

The castle/stronghold Inuyasha and Kagome travel to is the castle that makes an appearance in the Band of Seven arc, where Bankotsu gets the Banryu back and slaughters all the humans living there. I am no expert on medieval Japanese castles, so everything mentioned about them is probably not accurate but again, I don’t care so whatevs lol.

Actually there’s probably a lot of things in this monstrosity that’s not accurate so just...idk pretend that everything is true and factual lol.

Oh I guess I should mention this takes place perhaps a year or so after the Band of Seven arc so I tried to make it as realistic as possible and added rotting bodies and the like so. Meh.

Throughout writing this I kept switching between Tessaiga and Tetsusaiga and ended up sticking with the latter because honestly to me it looks better and that’s what I’ve always used anyway. I also didn’t know whether to use English terms for demons or go with youkai, and decided to stick with the Japanese terms because I also like that one better haha. 

Uh....okay so I guess it wasn’t that long, but still, I know some people don’t like to read author’s notes and just go straight to the story. I’ll probably edit this later when I think of something else I wanted to say but can’t think of right now.

Please forgive any inconsistencies regarding Inuyasha’s appearance; I’m so used to writing him as silver-haired and dog-eared that sometimes I’ll forget myself and describe his hanyou attributes instead of his human ones.

Anyway, enough of my ramblings and on with the story! Please, please, PLEASE enjoy this stupid oneshot that took over my life and caused me serious lack of sleep.

Read it on AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Part 2

“Take your shirt off. At this point it’s just a rag hanging off your body and we can’t leave that unwrapped.”

Kagome made a face, afraid that he was going to say that, but she didn’t protest because she knew he was right. So with a resigned sigh, Kagome attempted to pull off her wet-and-ruined-beyond-recognition shirt without moving her arm too much. But when it became apparent she couldn’t lift her arm much without gasping in pain and tears pricking her eyes, large hands gently brushed hers away and went about ripping the garment off of her with a few deft flicks of his wrist, the already torn fabric tearing easily under his strength despite it being damp.

She stared woefully at the bloodstained, torn, dirty and still damp shirt as he pulled it away, too exhausted mentally and physically to care that she was sitting topless in front of him with only her bra to preserve her modesty. It was just as well, she supposed; its purpose as a shirt had long ago been sacrificed to bandage the gash on her thigh and with it being as torn and filthy as it was she may as well have been running around topless anyway.

Wordlessly Kagome watched him rip off yet another section of the garment as a makeshift bandage, taking a moment to wrap what was left of it around Tetsusaiga for later use before kneeling before her and wrapping up the laceration on her arm. Kagome studied him quietly with tired but alert brown eyes. He was in just as bad a shape as she was, probably more so because of his deeply engrained instinct to protect her at all costs. Because of that he was covered in more cuts and bruises than she was, his hakama and suikan torn in several places, darkened with new and old blood, and still slightly damp from their plunge into the river hours earlier. She noted the angry downward slash of black brows over fierce violet eyes, his strong jaw clenched and his lips pinched into a tight line as he knotted the fabric over the worst of the cut to keep pressure on it.

She knew the sight of her – dirty, exhausted, and wounded – was something that he blamed himself for and she wished he wouldn’t. Their situation was neither of their faults, and she didn’t know how many times she’d told him it was just bad timing, that there wasn’t anything they could have done to prevent it. She knew he was worried, both for them and for those they sought, and the guilt in his eyes was plain to see every time he looked at her or whenever he cleaned one of her cuts.

After all, nobody could have predicted their friends would end up in mortal danger on the night of the new moon. Nobody could have guessed that the youkai that kidnapped them – masquerading as a human – would have a human army at his disposal, and they most certainly wouldn’t haven known they would be forcefully driven away from the stronghold that kept their friends by said human army, using bows, swords, and javelins. Inuyasha and Kagome had had no choice but to flee for their lives before the weapons did more the just graze their skin. Kagome had gotten stuck in the thigh on their bid for freedom and after that Inuyasha had swooped her up into his arms and ran.

It was only after the sounds of the men chasing them had disappeared perhaps an hour later that Inuyasha deemed it safe enough to finally stop and treat her wound and that had been the first time they used her shirt as a bandage. Since they hadn’t been able to grab anything before fleeing, Kagome’s bag with all her medical supplies and her bow and arrows were still at the camp and when they’d tentatively gone back to retrieve them, they’d found everything missing. It didn’t take a genius to figure out the army had ransacked their camp and taken their belongings with them.

It also hadn’t taken long to decide to go back and rescue their friends – not going back hadn’t even been an option – and of course Kagome had to argue with Inuyasha to accompany him since he’d been deadest on leaving her behind. It was only after she’d pointed out they were too far away from Kaede’s village that Inuyasha had begrudgingly given in, hating the fact that it made sense. It would only be wasting what little time they may have to rescue them to go all the way to the village then turn right back around and head toward what they thought to be the youkai’s stronghold.

A soft breeze filtered through the trees and Kagome, not for the first time, silently thanked the gods that it was a warm night. Her newest injury, the one Inuyasha had just bandaged, had been caused by another run-in of their quarry’s patrolling soldiers some twenty minutes ago and without Inuyasha’s enhanced hearing or smell, he’d been unable to detect their presence or the whizzing arrow’s path until it was too late. Kagome’s scream of pain had been Inuyasha’s only warning before a barrage of spears and arrows rained down on them and Inuyasha hadn’t even had time to think before he grabbed Kagome, dove into the trees to their left and ended up rolling down an incline into the river. Kagome barely had time to draw in a breath before Inuyasha had submerged them once again and urged her to swim along the bottom of the river away from their attackers.

Thankfully they’d managed to lose them and so now here they were, in the middle of the forest on the night of the new moon, still hours away from daybreak, both of them filthy, sore, exhausted and sporting cuts and bruises everywhere. They had no idea what condition their friends were in, if they were even still alive – although they both tried to avoid thinking about that – or if they could even survive the night with those damn soldiers on the prowl and actively looking for them with orders to no doubt eliminate. Kagome and Inuyasha were sure it was only sheer blind luck that they’d managed to escape with only minimal bruising and wounds thus far, and not for the first time cursed the fact that it was the new moon. Had Inuyasha been hanyou he’d be able to evade the warriors completely in the treetops, easily track down their friends, knock down anybody who got in his way and the five of them would be on their way back to Kaede’s village, safe, uninjured, and together again.

But it did them no good to dwell on the what if’s and could have been so Kagome focused on the here and now, studying Inuyasha’s face in the dark, barely able to make out his features but close enough to see the worry and pain he was trying to hide. He hadn’t gotten away unscathed either, Kagome recalled, and though she wanted to treat his wounds too, it would be a lost cause because she knew he wouldn’t let her, telling her they were just “scratches” and they’d be gone in a few hours, anyway. It was true, though that didn’t mean she had to like it.

Right at the moment, though, the regret in his eyes and face was prominent and before she could stop herself her hand rose and gently touched the cut that slashed through his right eyebrow, still oozing blood that trailed down his face. Her touch drew his eyes to hers and she tried to convey everything she wanted to say to him through her gaze, willing him to understand that it wasn’t his fault, that none of this was his burden to bear.

Kagome offered him a thin smile that bespoke of her exhaustion but it was genuine and she was gratified to see Inuyasha’s expression soften slightly. He sighed, closed his eyes and brought a hand up to capture hers, pressing her palm to his cheek and simply relishing in her touch.

They were silent, reveling in the knowledge that they were together, still alive, and however battered and bruised, were determined to find and rescue their companions.

Another zephyr whispered through the trees and Kagome shivered that time, her wet hair not at all helping her plight to remain relatively warm despite the nice weather. It hadn’t gone unnoticed by her companion and wordlessly Inuyasha straightened before shrugging out of his suikan. Kagome smiled but then it faded in confusion when instead of handing it to her, he dropped it to the ground and instead shed his kosode before dropping it over her shoulders and redonning his suikan. She was about to ask why his kosode instead of his firerat, but stopped when she noted the less than stellar condition of the robe. Since he was human the self-repairing properties of the garment were not in effect and with it riddled with holes and stained with blood, it wouldn’t do much to cover her.

Gratefully Kagome shoved her arms through the sleeves, still damp but uncaring and since it was large on her, she gathered the hem and knotted it at her waist. It gaped in the front and showed a slight amount of cleavage and the fabric of her bra, but she didn’t care since it more or less covered her up and she doubted Inuyasha gave it a second thought either. They were both too tired, too sore to be embarrassed and driven in their mission to rescue their friends for Kagome’s modesty to even be a footnote in their minds.

Inuyasha left the firerat hanging open and reached down to help Kagome to her feet. They both knew they had little time to stand around and regather their strength, however Inuyasha needed to take stock of his wench’s condition; she was so much more fragile than him, more prone to bruising and wounds and it fucking terrified him that she was here with him, being hunted by those damn warriors, but there wasn’t anything he could do about that, so the least he could do was make sure she was well taken care of. Or at least, as well taken care of as she could be given the circumstances.

“Doing okay?” he muttered, sweeping an unruly strand of damp hair behind her ear and not liking how pale she was.

Kagome gave him another smile and though her dark eyes had lost their usual brightness due to fatigue and pain, it was genuine. “Yes,” she answered simply and pressed a hand to his bare chest, over his heart. “You?”

The corner of his lip twitched up into a half-grin. “Keh,” he mumbled. “I’m tougher than you humans. I’ll live.”

“You are one of those humans right now,” Kagome softly reminded him, her smile fading but not disappearing. “I just…I know you’re stronger than me, and your skin probably is a little tougher than mine, but…Inuyasha, promise me you won’t be so reckless from now on. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you’ve been shielding me from the worst of it.” She leveled him with a knowing look, daring him to lie.

Inuyasha didn’t answer because she was right; his scored and bleeding back could attest to that and he simply stared at her, completely unapologetic.

His silence unsettled her and she must have seen the resolve in his eyes because her chocolate eyes grew wide and her hands clutched the open sides of his robe, her voice holding a hint of desperation as she pleaded, “Inuyasha, promise me.”

He didn’t know if it was their situation, the look in her eyes or his unwavering resolve to always protect her, but whatever the reason Inuyasha couldn’t stop himself from lifting his hands and gently cupping her face, her soft gasp of surprise reaching his ears. “My first priority will always be your safety, Kagome, and if that means taking a few measly arrows in your stead…” His meaning was clear as he trailed off, his dark eyes intense as he willed her to understand what he didn’t say.

If it meant Kagome would live to see another day, he would gladly lay his life down for hers.

By the way Kagome’s eyes glistened with the threat of tears, Inuyasha knew she’d gotten his message loud and clear. “Inuyasha—”

Inuyasha sighed and stalled any further protests by dropping an unexpected kiss to her forehead. “We don’t have time to argue about this, Kagome. Later, after we find and rescue the others and everyone is safe we can discuss my ‘recklessness’ all you want, but for right now we need to concentrate on staying hidden and taking down the bastard that took our friends. Alright?”

It was clear by the way she pursed her lips and pouted up at him that she wanted to continue the conversation, but she knew he was right, even if she didn’t want to admit it, and gave in with a nod and a small sigh. Still, she couldn’t help but saying, “Please, just…be more careful. For me.”

That was something he could do and his reply was a quiet hum of acquiescence coupled with another press of his lips to her forehead. “Deal, wench. Now let’s get moving; the longer we stay in one spot, the more likely it is they’ll find us.”

Kagome nodded again, appeased now that her beloved hanyou-turned-human would also think of his own life instead of just hers, and didn’t protest when he took her hand and tugged her deeper into the trees. By silent agreement they both kept a lookout for their pursuers while simultaneously taking stock of where exactly they were. Inuyasha wasn’t certain, but he suspected they were pretty far north and relayed as much to Kagome.

“North,” Kagome repeated with a thoughtful frown and grabbed Inuyasha’s hands as he helped her over a fallen tree. “North…wait—isn’t that where the Ox Tiger is?”

Inuyasha snapped his gaze to her and his brows dipped as he considered her words. “No, I think that was more northeast if I remember,” he mused, hooking her waist with an arm and bringing her down next to him. He stared over her shoulder at nothing, his expression contemplative, something tugging at the back of his mind insisting that he was missing something crucial here—

“The Band of Seven,” Inuyasha suddenly blurted at the same time Kagome said, “Mount Hakurei.”

Kagome’s eyes widened and Inuyasha clasped his hand urgently onto Kagome’s arms as they both realized the same thing. “But it was destroyed,” he reminded her with a small shake of his head. “There’s nothing left but big ass spikes and boulders.”

She seemed to deflate a little at that observation and she sighed, wrinkling her nose. “Oh yeah,” she mumbled. “I forgot.”

Inuyasha cursed as he thrust a hand through his hair in frustration, scowling off into the trees. He knew there was something else he was forgetting, something they were both missing. It was right there, in the back of his mind, on the tip of his tongue, taunting him with the knowledge that they would be that much closer to finding the others if he’d only remember…

“—a human army,” Kagome was saying but he was only listening with half an ear, “wouldn’t there have to be like…a castle, or something—”

Inuyasha whipped his head round so fast Kagome gave a soft gasp of alarm.

“What’s wro—”

“What did you say?” he demanded, his words urgent, gaze fixated on hers.

Kagome blinked and repeated what she’d just said while thinking aloud, “I said, he has a human army so wouldn’t there have to be some sort of castle or something—”

“The castle,” Inuyasha cut her off for a second time, his eyes widening as he once more seized Kagome’s arms in excitement. “The fucking castle, Kagome!”

Kagome opened her mouth, closed it, and gave him a puzzled look. “I don’t…what castle?”

He made a sound of impatience. “The castle where Banryu was kept!”

He was rewarded with another blank stare and Inuyasha scowled and was about to open his mouth to yell at her to use that damn brain of hers when she suddenly gasped and went stiff under his hands. Kagome’s eyes grew large to match his own as her hands came up to wrap around his wrists. “The feudal lord’s stronghold,” she muttered, more to herself than to him. “That could—but isn’t it in ruins?” she asked, frowning again, not daring to hope. “After Bankotsu got the halberd back, he slaughtered the lord and all of the humans residing in it. No one’s been there since it happened.”

“But a youkai wouldn’t care about that,” Inuyasha insisted, growing more certain of his conclusion by the second. “Actually it’s damn near perfect for a youkai that likes his privacy; the foul stench of death and blood with the occasional dismembered body would drive away any lower level youkai sniffing around the area and I’m pretty sure no human would dare venture anywhere near it after what happened there.”

Unbidden tears filled Kagome’s eye and she gave a watery smile, squeezing his wrists. “Do you think—”

“Yeah,” he said and offered his own grin in return, feeling like they were finally getting somewhere for the first time since the entire event started. “That’s gotta be it. There’s nothing else in the region except for the temple Renkotsu took over and that’s burned to the ground. I doubt he’d care to cross the lake onto Hijiri Island, and the village where that damn Suikotsu stayed is too small to hold any interest for him. So that leaves the only structure large enough to house a human army and since he no doubt thinks himself as a high ranking youkai—”

Kagome launching herself at him with a choked laugh cut off the rest of Inuyasha’s sentence and he happily returned her embrace, the relief at finally having a lead on where their friends might be rushing through him like a temporary high and without even thinking it through Inuyasha leaned back, grasped Kagome’s chin to tilt her face upward and dipped down—

Unbidden the hairs on the back of Inuyasha’s neck stood on end and he barely had time to seize Kagome around the waist before spinning with her crushed to her chest and taking the arrow meant for her in his right shoulder. Kagome cried out in a mixture of alarm and dismay as Inuyasha grunted in pain, but there wasn’t any time to assess the damage. Amid Kagome’s fretting concerns asking if he was alright, he could hear the human soldiers closing in, making no effort to muffle their approach with their battle cries of victory and thundering charge through the trees toward them so gritting his teeth against the pain Inuyasha took off as fast as he could, half-dragging Kagome behind him as he dodged boulders, logs and ducked under low hanging branches.

Struggling to keep up with Inuyasha’s frantic pace, Kagome stumbled and grit her teeth as her ankle rolled painfully beneath her weight. Her left thigh throbbed as the gash there pulled and stretched with her movement and she felt the warmth of fresh blood as it reopened, staining the dirty bandage.

“Dammit, Kagome, keep up!” Inuyasha hollered behind him and looked over his shoulder past her into the trees behind them. Shit, their assailants were getting closer and they weren’t going fast enough!

“I’m—trying—” Kagome gasped and pushed herself to go faster, pumping her legs, her breath wheezing in and out of her lungs. “Inu—ahh!”

Abruptly Inuyasha stopped with a rough sound of frustration, but it was directed more at their situation than the young woman that collided against him with a grunt, struggling to catch her breath. He paid her no mind as he frantically looked around at their surroundings, desperately searching for something to hide behind, trees with low enough branches to climb, fuck, he didn’t care what it was but they needed to find some kind of cover, quickly, because Inuyasha knew to keep running meant a gruesome end and he’d kill himself before he ever let that happen to his Kagome.

C’mon, c’mon, where—

An arrow thudded into the thick tree right next to them and Kagome released a quiet cry of fright, crowding up against him. “Inuyasha—”

Fuck. Out of time.

With zero hesitation Inuyasha reached behind him to yank out the arrow still embedded into his shoulder, ignoring the burning pain that splintered across his back and arm. He tossed it aside carelessly and with an arm secured around her waist, Inuyasha dove behind the large tree where the arrow had landed, hoping the wide girth and cover of darkness would be enough to keep them hidden as he pressed back against the rough bark, drew Kagome between his knees and pressed her head into his chest.

“Don’t move,” he hissed in her ear just as a dozen soldiers burst from the trees behind them and the couple froze.

Kagome tried to make herself as small as possible against him, tucking her legs up, pressing into his chest and hunching her shoulders, holding her breath. He could feel her shaking against him and he tightened his hold around her, sucking in a quiet breath and pressing back tight into the tree as he closed his eyes, hoping, praying they wouldn’t think to look behind any trees. That’d be too obvious, right?

He clenched his jaw and buried his face in Kagome’s hair. Please…please let me keep her safe.

“What the fuck, Wakashi! You missed!”

“You gave away our position, you bloody idiot! Don’t shoot if you’re not absolutely certain you’ll hit!”

“At least I actually hit something! You couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn even if it was ten feet in front of you!”

“You son of a—”

“Would you three shut the fuck up?! Your foolish squabbling is loud enough to wake the dead—”

“Ah, stuff it, Yoshino, you didn’t even want to come in the first place.”

“That’s because I have better things to do than chase after some worthless half-breed and his whore.”

Kagome flinched and Inuyasha bit down on his lip hard to stifle the cry of outrage that welled up. He could hear them walking around as they bickered and insulted each other, thankfully not coming close enough to their hiding spot, but still, Inuyasha was getting anxious and his heart was thudding painfully in his chest. They were staying too long, lingering; why the fuck weren’t they moving on?

“If you four are done bitching and complaining like petty children,” came a much deeper voice and the clank of armor suggested the speaker was the head of the squadron, “then I suggest we move onward. The targets are obviously not here or we would have found them already. Let’s move out.”

“I saw them, Daisuke,” the man who’d shot the arrow insisted. “I know I did—the abomination was wearing red, right? What else is red in the middle of the fucking forest?”

“A giant bird?”

“A youkai?”

“Your wife?”

The last one elicited rowdy guffaws from the rest of the soldiers along with Wakashi’s indignant protest and even Inuyasha had to withhold a snort of amusement.

“Enough!” Daisuke bellowed and the men immediately silenced at his less than pleased tone. “I want all of you to branch out, now—Sosuke, you and Wakashi head west, Yoshino, Nobu, due east, and the rest of you continue north toward the stronghold. Master Yuudai warned us that despite his status as a lowly half-breed, he is smarter than the average youkai and could have figured out where his human companions are being held. You must prevent them from breeching the walls. Now move out, all of you.”

The warriors obeyed their commander without question, though there were a few grumbles and when footsteps approached their tree, Inuyasha stiffened as his blood ran cold. Kagome tensed and he knew she heard it, too.

“Are you daft, Wakashi? That is not west,” the presumed Sosuke spoke up, his voice thankfully not any closer than it was before.

“Can it, So, I needa get my arrow. They don’t exactly make ‘em like they use to, y’know.”

“Yeah, yeah, hurry it up, you bastard.”

“Fuck off, bloody arsehole.”

Closer and closer the footsteps drew near and Inuyasha knew he had to do something. Though the tree was wide and the night was dark, he couldn’t take even the miniscule of chances of him discovering them. But what could he do? God, there had to be something, anything he could do to distract him, divert their attention so they could sneak away—

Wakashi was just on the other side of the tree and Inuyasha didn’t give himself time to think. With a colorful mental curse and clenching his jaw so hard it ached, he swiftly jerked Tetsusaiga from his hip and prayed the cover of darkness wouldn’t give him away as he stretched his arm out and flung his sword as hard as he could in the opposite direction, away for their hiding spot.

Kagome sucked in a sharp breath and without missing a beat he clamped a hand over her mouth to muffle the sound with a hissed warning in her ear to stay quiet.

Tetsusaiga clattered against several trees as it sailed through the air and on its descent to the ground, as Inuyasha had hoped, and it successfully drew Wakashi’s, and Sosuke’s attention as it fell to the ground somewhere beyond the shadows, a satisfactory distance away from them.

“What was that?” Sosuke said sharply and was already moving to investigate. “Fuck—I think it’s them! Forget your damn arrow, Waka, we can’t let them get away!”

“Goddamn—wait for me, you bloody arsehole!” Rabid footsteps followed after Sosuke into the trees and Inuyasha didn’t waste a second.

“Run, go!” he hissed and gave Kagome a shove as he scrambled to his feet, catching Kagome’s arm and heaving her upright when she stumbled. “Go!”

Kagome did as she was told, forcing her legs to support her weight as she rushed headlong into the darkness before her with Inuyasha on her heels. Blindly she reached back and when his hand closed around hers she released a soft sob of relief and then both of them were swatting away branches and stumbling their way through the forest, trying to put as much distance between them and their pursuers while they could. Inuyasha tried not to think about just how he’d granted them the opportunity to flee and even though he knew he’d get his sword back again, it was still hard to leave it behind, and it was stupid but he felt like he was betraying his Fang.

Forcefully he shoved those thoughts away to worry over at a later time; right now he needed all of his concentration and energy saving their asses as they struggled to run in the dark to what he hoped was north, toward this Yuudai bastard’s stronghold.

It was slow going; they weren’t going nearly as fast as Inuyasha wanted them to, but then again it was difficult to go fast when you couldn’t see where you were going. They stumbled, tripped, slipped and fell, but never stopped. Whenever Kagome went down, Inuyasha was there to heave her back up and when Inuyasha faltered, Kagome urged him back to his feet. It was tedious, and exhausting, and damn right frustrating, but they knew giving up was not an option.

They didn’t know how long they ran for but it felt like hours until they came to a small incline and Inuyasha urged Kagome to climb, only sparing enough breath to tell her to use the trees as leverage to hoist herself upward before demonstrating himself. Though her breath was coming in wheezes and she must have been on her last reserve of strength, Kagome followed without complaint, forcing her tired muscles to heave herself up using the limbs of trees and when she neared the top Inuyasha grabbed her hands and dragged her the rest of the way up.

Falling back against a nearby tree as Kagome collapsed against him, Inuyasha grunted and his legs abruptly gave out on him. Down he went, sliding to the ground and Kagome went with him, clutching the sides of his firerat as she shuddered and gasped for breath against him.

Automatically his arm went around her, keeping her cradled against his chest and for several minutes they did nothing but breathe, recovering from their frantic rush through the forest and as the adrenaline faded away, every little ache and pain made itself known with deep aches and twinges, muscles throbbing from hard use. Both of them were covered with welts and scratches from braches and they stung from the thin layer of sweat covering their skin.

Leaning his head back against tree, Inuyasha closed his eyes and winced, knowing they couldn’t stay here long; they needed adequate cover before they could truly rest, but for now they could at least catch their breath.

God, when was the last time he’d run like that, desperate, frantic to get away? Inuyasha was stunned to realize, after a brief journey through memory lane, that the last time had been as a pup fleeing from those bigger and stronger than him seeking an easy meal or wanted to kill him for sport. And he was willing to bet for Kagome this had been the first time she’d been running for her life, and Inuyasha vowed that it would also be the last.

And speaking off, Kagome was going limp against him, her breathing evening out and he knew she was seconds away from nodding off in exhaustion. He couldn’t let that happen, not until they had a safe place to rest.

Grimacing, not without a stab of guilt, Inuyasha nudged the young woman resting against him and when that didn’t work, he grabbed her shoulder and shook her back awake. “Kagome,” he rumbled, voice hoarse. She whined. “C’mon, you can’t sleep yet. We need to find a safe place first.”

Kagome groaned and shook her head and then winced when her body protested even that small movement. “Nooo,” she breathed, unable to muster the strength to even lift her head. “Tired.”

Inuyasha sighed and reached between them to grasp her shoulders, gently leaning her upright. “I know, I am too, but we can’t stay here. C’mon, we just need to get down the other side of this hill. I can see some rocks and what looks like a big ass hollowed out tree trunk that might work. It’s not that far and then after we’re safe, I promise you can rest. Alright?”

No, it was not alright. Instead Kagome huffed, gave a little whine of frustration, but with great reluctant somehow managed to muster up the strength to push herself upright on her own, using his chest as leverage. “I don’t like you right now,” she pouted and willed her legs to obey her silent commands to get up. They stubbornly refused to listen.

“I know.” With every ounce of strength he had left Inuyasha heaved himself to his feet, wincing as his muscles twinged in protest but he ignored it. “C’mon, wench,” he urged when she still hadn’t moved. “Get up.”

Kagome bit her lip and tried, but pain shot through her wounded thigh and she gasped. Clasping her hands over the gash that had started bleeding again through the already soaked-through bandage, she sounded near tears as she admitted, “Inuyasha, I don’t think I can.” Gritting her teeth against the pain she shot him a helpless look.

Inuyasha grimaced. As much as he wanted to assist her, he knew he wouldn’t be able to support both his weight and hers and he tried to make his voice gentle as he said, “Then scoot down on your ass if you have to, but we have to move, wench.” With that Inuyasha carefully picked his way down the slope, using limbs and trees to keep him from sliding too much until he was safely at the bottom. He looked back to find Kagome doing as he’d suggested, and though she didn’t look too happy about it, she was slowly sliding down on her bottom while at the same time trying to keep her skirt from revealing more than she’d bargained for. He grinned in amusement despite himself then shook his head and went to poke around the rocks and trunk a few feet away.

Immense relief swept through him when he discovered there was a little nook large enough for both of them to hide out in for at least an hour or so and after making sure no animal had sought shelter within, he came back around and found Kagome pale-faced and breathing heavily leaning against the rocks. He hated to make her move even an inch more, but it was necessary.

“A little further, wench,” he told her and she loudly groaned her displeasure before obeying and crawling the small distance where he stood. Inuyasha ducked inside before her and arranged himself so he was facing the opening with his knees bent. With the wood of the truck creating a ceiling of sorts as it jutted out and the rock waling them in it suited their purposes just fine.

Though he doubted she could truly see him in the dark, Kagome was peering at him from the low opening and he beckoned her forward with a wave of his hand. “C’mere,” he muttered and instantly she was crawling the rest of the way in, settling herself between his raised knees and collapsing against his chest with a long, drawn out sigh of relief. He gathered her into his arms as she stretched her leg out and Inuyasha gently probed her thigh, frowning when his fingers touched warm wetness. Shit, she was bleeding again and there wasn’t a damn thing they could do about it, not in this darkness and when they could barely move.

She must have known where his mind wandered off to because Kagome covered his hand where it lay on her thigh and gave it a soft squeeze. “S’okay,” she whispered, seconds from slipping into slumber. “It’ll stop.”

He didn’t say anything and prayed that she wasn’t losing too much blood or infection wasn’t setting in as he dragged the sleeve of his robe over her thighs and pressed it against the wound. She winced softly but otherwise didn’t protest. The injury he’d gotten from the arrow had already clotted, he was sure, so at least he didn’t have to worry about that on top of everything else. Threading their fingers together, Inuyasha swallowed the lump in his throat and pressed his lips to her temple.

“We can only stay for a bit,” he told her. “Just until we get back a little of our strength and we’re not dead on our feet. Get some rest and I’ll wake you in an hour or so, alright?”

Kagome sighed, gave a nearly imperceptible nod, but instead of instantly nodding off like he expected her to, she uttered after a slight hesitation, “…I’m sorry, Inuyasha.”

He cast a puzzled frown at her. “What for?”

Her guilt was obvious as she replied, “If I hadn’t stumbled, if—if I was running faster you wouldn’t have had to—”

“Stop it,” Inuyasha cut her off and tightened his arm around her. “You don’t have to apologize for anything, got it? I told you before, wench, you’re my first priority. Go. To. Sleep. We’ll talk more later.”

Of course she didn’t listen. Had he really expected anything else? “But…but it didn’t have to be Tetsusaiga! You could have used…I don’t know, my shoe or something.”

“Don’t be stupid, Kagome.

“Inuyasha.”

He growled, or at least his human vocal chords made the equivalent of one. “Throwing your shoe would have slowed you down even more, idiot. The forest floor ain’t exactly a grassy meadow.”

She paused and then sounded adorably contrite as she muttered, “Oh.”

Bringing a hand up to tiredly rub his eyes, Inuyasha heaved a sigh and said softly, with more patience than he thought he had, “It’s not like I don’t know where it’s going,” he assured, secretly pleased that she was as worried about his Fang as he was. “They took your bow, didn’t they? So it stands to reason they’ll probably take Tetsusaiga to the stronghold, too. I ain’t too worried. S’not like that Yuu-bastard can use it, and if it turns out a human stole it, I’ll just sniff ‘em out when I’m hanyou again and take it back. No problem.”

Kagome wrinkled her nose and still didn’t sound appeased. “I guess so.”

He rolled his eyes but couldn’t stop his lips from twitching upward. “Keh. I know so, wench. Now would you quit your worryin’ and get some rest? The more time you spend yakkin’, the less time you have to rest and the more tired you’ll be when we get movin’ again.”

In answer Kagome wiggled around to get more comfortable and when she started muttering to herself about how the hard ground made it hard for her to sleep, Inuyasha shook his head and stalled her useless squirming by abruptly lifting her up and shifting around to cross his legs before settling her back down into the cradle of his folded legs. She made a soft noise of appreciation and wrapped her arms around his waist beneath his robe, tucking her head under his chin, and then finally drifting off with a small sigh.

With Kagome wrapped safely in his arms, Inuyasha stayed awake for as long as he could, determined to keep watch and protect his wench, but eventually the lull of sleep was too difficult to fight anymore and with a quiet sigh he closed his eyes and succumbed.  

When he woke up a little over an hour later, grateful for his deeply engrained survival instincts for allowing him to set an internal alarm clock of sorts, he was alert within a few seconds and the first thing Inuyasha noticed was that Kagome was awake as well. Surprising, but definitely welcome. Waking Kagome was never a pleasure since it always took two or three tries to rouse her and if she didn’t get enough sleep she was always crabby for the rest of the day.

Now he was just glad he didn’t have to spend time they didn’t have waking her up.

An ache in his neck and shoulders made itself known right then and Inuyasha winced, rolling his shoulders to reduce the stiffness and not for the first time cursing his weak human body for being prone to such aches. What a pain in the ass. And neck. And shoulders. And—

“Hey.”

Settling back against the hard stone, Inuyasha sighed and gave the woman in his lap his full attention. “Hey,” he said and belatedly realized that he could make out Kagome’s features a little better than before. It only served to remind him that time was not on their side. How many more hours until sunrise? Four? Three?

Kagome must have realized the same thing because he felt her tense as she whispered, “I can see you. I mean I could before, sort of, but now it’s…”

Inuyasha’s tone was grim. “Yeah.” He paused. “I’m surprised you’re already awake.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Well, it’s not from lack of trying,” Kagome admitted petulantly and Inuyasha could just make out the pout on her face. “I don’t know if it’s some kind of…deeply rooted survival instinct or something, but it’s like I’m trying to unconsciously distract myself from our less than pleasant situation, because even though I know I need to rest, my brain is like ‘let’s think about that really embarrassing thing you did five years ago that nobody probably even remembers and obsess over it and oh by the way, bugs. Bugs everywhere’ and how the hell am I supposed to sleep with that?”

Inuyasha coughed and turned his head to hide his grin, telling himself it really wouldn’t be a good idea to tell her how cute it was when she cursed because likely he’d received a death glare and threats of bodily harm for his troubles. Still, Inuyasha couldn’t help but liken her righteous indignation to that of a furious kitten.

And forget simple threats of bodily harm if he ever made mention of that; Kagome would inflict bodily harm on him, probably to very sensitive parts on his body, and Inuyasha promptly decided that he had a death wish because why the fuck did he suddenly feel like laughing?

Out of his peripheral he saw Kagome’s eyes narrow suspiciously at him and he fought to school his features. “Problem?” she asked and her tone of voice suggested he answer very carefully.

Clearing this throat, Inuyasha tamped viciously down on his amusement and managed to retain a neutral expression as he finally turned back to her and said, “Nope. So, five years ago, huh?”

Kagome stiffened and he wondered at the blush that stole across her cheeks. “Nothing. Drop it.”

Inuyasha did not drop it. “What was it?”

“What was what?” she asked innocently, pretending to survey the canopy of treetops above them.

“Don’t play dumb, wench.”

Kagome leveled a withering glare at him and growled, “I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about, Inuyasha.”

Deciding that he’d probably provoked the furious kitten long enough, Inuyasha finally heeded her less than subtle warning to shut up or else. “I’ll get it out of you yet, wench. Just wait.”

Kagome loudly snorted her opinion of that and ignored Inuyasha’s chuckle.

Shaking his head, Inuyasha sighed and gave his wench a reprieve by asking, “How ya feeling?”

Kagome eyed him for a moment, debating, but when all he did was regard her quietly, she sighed and answered, “Like I can sleep for a week.”

He snorted. His sentiments exactly.

“I’m still sore all over but at least now I think I can stand without face-planting. You? How’s your shoulder?” Without waiting for an answer she slid her hand up his back and tenderly brushed her fingertips across his shoulder blade, her lips pursing in concern when she felt the puckered edges of the hole from the arrow, crusted with dried blood.

To her surprise he let her inspect the wound with her gentle touches for a bit before shrugging his shoulder, dislodging her hand and she obediently brought it back to her lap. “S’fine,” he rumbled. “Stopped bleeding a long time ago. How’s your leg?” He patted her thigh draped over his knee in an absentminded gesture.

Experimentally Kagome shifted her left and predictably her entire thigh protested the movement. She winced and spoke honestly, “Aside from the expected soreness from hard running, it still hurts but at least it stopped bleeding. Still, I’m worried about infection. If only I had some water…”

Inuyasha sighed and regretfully shook his head. “We can’t go actively looking for a water source but if we happen to come across a creek or something we can take advantage of it.” Though he didn’t show it he was just as worried; her wounds did need to be washed and treated before they worsened. “I’m sorry, Kagome. We don’t have—”

“The time, I know,” Kagome finished wearily. “I’m really beginning to hate that word. Dammit, if only they weren’t out looking for us—!”

“There’s no use griping about it now,” Inuyasha interrupted, slightly amused and wondering if she’d been hanging around him too much if she was swearing now. “Besides, even if we could wait around until morning and for me to change back, there’s no telling how Miroku, Sango and Shippou are faring. It’s best we get there as soon as possible.”

Too late he realized his mistake as Kagome sucked in a sharp breath and she tensed against him. “Shippou…”

Inuyasha grimaced and closed his eyes, feeling guilty and damning himself for opening his big damned mouth. “Kagome…” Helplessly he tucked her closer to his chest, wishing he knew what to do, what to say to make it all better.

“I know,” Kagome sniffed and relished the feeling of being in his arms, knowing she was the safest place on earth right now.  “I just…I hope they’re okay.”

His sigh ruffled her bangs and she felt the warmth of his lips press against her forehead.  “Me, too,” he rumbled and for the next minute the two of them simply sat there, taking advantage in this last bit of peace they weren’t likely to have again for a while.

Then Inuyasha sighed and Kagome knew what he was going to say. “We need to get going. We’ve already hung around here too long.”

“Slave driver,” Kagome said but crawled out of his lap and out of their cozy little niche.

“Keh.”

Inuyasha followed her out, ignoring the various aches and soreness of his muscles as he pushed to his feet and he took a moment to stretch, getting all of the kinks and knots out of his back and heaving a satisfied sigh as his back and neck gave several pops.

Kagome was glaring at him enviously and he couldn’t help himself. He grinned at her.

Apparently the dark had lessened enough for her to make out his features because she snorted before whirling around and stalking off, grumbling under her breath and he didn’t need to hear her to be able to guess what she was grumbling about.

Chuckling he took off after her, pleased to find that his short nap had rejuvenated his strength enough that he felt good about their oncoming mission. He still wasn’t 100% of course, and wouldn’t be until he had his demonic power back, but at least he didn’t feel like he had when Tokajin body slammed him into the ground. All six hundred fucking pounds of him.

Bastard.

They walked for perhaps twenty or so minutes when Inuyasha announced they were closer to the castle than he’d originally thought and then five minutes after that they were relieved to stumble upon a small fresh water stream. They wasted no time in washing out their injuries, using Inuyasha’s suikan to scrub off the dried blood and Kagome was gratified and relieved to find that both of her wounds weren’t infected. Not yet, anyway; there was still a chance but at least the risk had lessened.

They both took the opportunity to scrub off the dirt and grime, and although it was nothing like a real bath, Kagome still felt marginally better a few minutes later when they set off for the stronghold again.

“Do we have a plan?” Kagome asked half an hour later after they finally breeched the tree line and the stronghold where their friends were being kept loomed before them. She tilted her head as she stared at the once majestic castle, wondering how on earth they were going to get inside. She’d forgotten how big the place was and despite it being abandoned for a little over a year now, Kagome was surprised how well kept it looked.

Then again, the only place that was really destroyed was the front part where they battled the Band of Seven so it stood to reason that the rest of the stronghold would remain more or less in one piece.

“Nope,” Inuyasha answered, arms crossed as he gazed up at the sky. He wagered they had about two hours left until dawn, give or take, and Inuyasha wished it was even less time. Before they were using the cover of darkness the moonless night had provided for them in their bid to escape detection by Yuudai’s army, but now that they’d finally arrived at their destination being a hanyou again would sure as hell come in handy right about now.

Kagome nodded absently and chewed her bottom lip, contemplating, before finally giving up with a sigh and gazing at her companion with a hopeless look. “How in the world are we going to get in?”

“Servant’s quarters,” Inuyasha replied without missing a beat and Kagome blinked. Why the hell hadn’t she thought of that?

“They’ll be around the back,” he continued, grabbing her hand and leading her down the slight incline. “I don’t see any of the human warriors, so either the bastard’s arrogant enough that he thinks he doesn’t need the extra protection, or he sent the entire fucking army out looking for us. Damn fool doesn’t even realize how easy he’s making this,” he muttered to himself as he slid the last few feet to the bottom. Kagome gave a squeak as she glided after him and he caught her with an arm around the waist.

“Or,” Kagome said after she regained her bearings and swatted Inuyasha on the chest for that stunt, “his ‘army’ is significantly smaller than we thought.”

Inuyasha paused to consider that and then snorted in amusement. “Either way it makes things simpler. There might be some wandering around inside, though, so stay quiet and alert.”

Kagome rolled her eyes. “Duh.”

Ignoring her and staying low, gesturing for her to do the same, Inuyasha had no trouble finding a weakened section of the tall wooden barrier that surrounded the fortress, which wasn’t all that surprising. In its state of disrepair the entire thing was pretty much useless at this point, but Inuyasha doubted Yuudai chose the place for its sturdy foundations anyway.

After walking the perimeter and staying tight to the outer wall, he found the servant’s entrance in short order, his footsteps light as he navigated the deserted halls, his grip on Kagome’s hand firm, and as they passed through the empty kitchen Inuyasha slowed down and gestured for Kagome to watch her step. Most likely in their haste to flee the massacre Bankotsu had started, the servants had literally dropped everything before turning tail and he made sure to step over the suspicious dark stains on the floor and being careful to not accidently kick some cookware across the floor, thereby making a racket. He honestly couldn’t be sure if the erratically shaped stains on the floor were food or something else, though it didn’t make sense if it was the former. Wouldn’t any food have perished by now? Dried up, eaten by scavengers and rodents? Inuyasha didn’t want to think about it so he didn’t and instead concentrated on making it to the doors across the room.

He was glad Kagome was being extra cautious as well, stepping where he stepped and carefully avoiding the various cookware scattered all over the floor. She nearly stumbled once as she was stepping over a large stain of...something but a sharp twinge in her thigh made her fall short. Inuyasha reacted quickly, whirling around and catching her before she tumbled to the ground and gave away their location.

He glared at her; Kagome blushed guiltily and gestured to her wounded thigh. Inuyasha huffed, gave a short nod before helping her over whatever was on the floor. It was a relief when they finally made it to the double doors that led out into the large dining area, and although they hadn’t had any run-ins with any warriors yet, Inuyasha still couldn’t rule out there not being any wandering the halls as a lazy sort of backup.

Kagome must have realized the same thing because she didn’t try to pass him and push through the doors, but instead crouched next to him and awaited further instruction, however he knew she must have been eager as he to save their friends. They were so damn close, but they couldn’t afford to be reckless or thoughtless. Inuyasha hadn’t survived this long without being careful, and despite not being the most level-headed or thorough when it came to strategizing, he found that his straight-forward, uncomplicated methods usually worked pretty well, if not even better than a detail oriented, thought out plan.

And since they didn’t have the time to sit around and brainstorm out a plan, Inuyasha figured there was no time like the present to fucking wing it and hope for the best.

“Alright,” Inuyasha murmured as he cautiously peered around the edge of the fragmented doorway, missing Kagome’s contemplative look. “My guess is they’ll be in some sort of hold or dungeon, or at the least a guarded room – he’s a cocky bastard, but I don’t think even he would leave prisoners unguarded – so our best bet is to check out the rooms closest to here first.”

“Aren’t dungeons supposed to be underground, or something?” Kagome peeked over his shoulder and attempted to gaze down the hallway.

Inuyasha absentmindedly pushed her back, away from potential threats. “Typically, yeah, but this is a smaller than average sized castle so an underground keep wouldn’t be practical.”

Kagome gaped. “This is a small castle?” she asked incredulously.

Inuyasha frowned at her. “Have you seen where Sesshomaru lives?”

Kagome bilked and promptly closed her mouth. “Um, right.”

Rolling his eyes, Inuyasha looked back out into the hallway; no patrolling soldiers as of yet so it looked like luck was on their side. “Looks like we’re clear,” he said and inched forward. “Stay behind me and let’s make this quick. The sooner we’re outta here the—”

“Inuyasha, wait.”

He whipped his head around to stare at her, brows snapping low over his eyes as he scowled. “Whaddaya mean wait? We don’t have the—Kagome—”

Kagome took his hand, halting his protests. “Please, just…hear me out, okay?”

Violet eyes regarded her silently for a moment, confusion mixed with irritation, before he sighed and rolled his hand at her in the universal “get on with it” gesture.

Biting down on her lip as she deliberated on what to say, how to best approach this, Kagome took one look at the impatience clearly etched onto Inuyasha’s expression and sighed in defeat. There was no easy way to say this, so might as well get it over with and endure the inevitable blowup.

Locking gazes with him, Kagome sucked in a breath and said, “I think…we should split up.”

Telling him that she was suddenly deeply in love with Jaken would have had a lesser effect.

Kagome watched with growing trepidation as Inuyasha’s eyes grew were impossibly large, the color drained from his face, and his mouth opened and closed as he tried to absorb the complete and utter bullshit she just spouted to him.

Then finally, “You want to WHAT?!”

Kagome flinched and frantically waved her hands at him, wide eyes flicking to the doorway. “Shhh!”

“Wench, are you out of your goddamn mind?! Fuck no, we ain’t splitting up! What the fuck are you—we’re in the middle of dangerous enemy territory and you want to separate us?!”

Desperately hoping Inuyasha’s outburst hadn’t attracted unwanted attention, Kagome lunged forward and clamped a hand over his mouth, her expression urgent. “Inuyasha, please—!”

Releasing what Kagome would have described as a growl had he been in his hanyou form, Inuyasha grabbed her wrist and yanked her hand down. “Dammit, wench, how could you—I’m not gonna—we’re not—No!” He glowered at her and Kagome recognized that particular expression: End. Of. Discussion.

This time, however, she didn’t give in, determined to get her point across. “Inuyasha, please, listen to me! I wouldn’t bring it up if I didn’t think it was important!” Her eyes begged him, pleaded to let her explain before he shut her out completely.

Inuyasha clamped his mouth shut and glared at her in stony silence.

Kagome winced, knowing he wasn’t happy with her, but taking his silence as acquiesce – however reluctant it was – she took his hand in both of hers again and began, “Think about it, Inuyasha. If we split up we’d be able to cover more ground and find the others quickly. You said it yourself, right? We don’t have a lot of time and this is the most logical way to utilize what little time we do have.”

He clenched his jaw and turned his head, avoiding her earnest gaze.

Desperate, she tried again. “Inuyasha, I’m not saying this because I want to be away from you,” she said softly and was rewarded with a miniscule softening of his features. She leaned closer and tipped him a small smile, “I trusted you whole-heartedly back in the forest and you’ve gotten us this far. Can’t you trust me on this? Please?”

Inuyasha grimaced and closed his eyes. Dammit, why’d she have to go and use the trust card on him? Ducking his head, he opened his eyes and stared down at their hands, his larger one cradled within her soft palms and his heart clenched in his chest. He did trust her. With his life, but…god, what if something happened?

Feeling like she was finally getting to him, Kagome scooter closer and squeezed his hand. “Plus,” she continued softly. “This way it’ll also give you the opportunity to look for Tetsusaiga.”

Inuyasha’s eyes snapped wide and he jerked his head up to gawp at her. Clearly he hadn’t thought of that.

She smiled again. “Even if it’s not here, one of us is bound to come across Sango and the others at some point. And after you’re hanyou again, it’ll be easy to track down those samurai and get back your sword back. After all, no human is a match for the great, strong, brave hanyou Inuyasha.”

Inuyasha snorted and leveled her with a look that told her plainly that he knew what she was trying to do and he didn’t buy her innocent smile for a second.  Shaking his head, Inuyasha grimaced and shifted his hand so he could thread his fingers through hers and hold on tightly. Dammit, what she said made a hell of a lot of sense and he’d be a fool if he didn’t seriously consider it. But still…

“Kagome…” His voice sounded tortured and Kagome knew this was a hard decision for him to simply accept, even if all the signs pointed to success.

Kagome gazed at him with gentle eyes, her smile a little sad. “I know,” she breathed, “But this isn’t about what we want, Inuyasha. It’s about what we need to do. And you know I’m right.”

Inuyasha gazed at her in silence a moment longer, his dark eyes troubled, but then he heaved a heavy sigh and Kagome knew she’d won. Without warning he pulled his hand from hers and yanked her into his arms, crushing her against his chest and she automatically returned his embrace, burying her face into his shoulder.

“I hate it when you do that,” he whispered in her ear and despite herself Kagome gave a soft laugh. “Fine, wench. We’ll split up, but you have to promise me you’ll be careful, alright? I mean it, you fucking run and start calling for me if there’s even the smallest chance of danger. I won’t be there to protect you and if you find them before me, you find somewhere to hide, quickly, until I find you guys. Understood?” He pulled back and grasped her shoulders tightly, his eyes intense as they bore into own. His jaw was clenched and his lips were a tight line, his fingers digging into her shoulders. His worry was evident, the terror that something would happen to her that he couldn’t prevent eating him inside and something warm blossomed in Kagome’s chest.

Stupidly she felt like crying as she raised her hands and circled his wrists with her fingers, not unlike hours ago when they first discovered their friends were being kept here. “I promise. You be careful too, okay?” She offered him a trembling smile. “I won’t be there to stop you from carrying out your stupid impulses.”

Inuyasha barked out a brief laugh and before he even knew what he was doing he leaned forward and brushed a soft kiss over her lips, once, twice, then pulled back not without a blush. He noted with some pleasure that Kagome’s was darker.  “Keh. Just…” He trailed off, looking like he wanted to dive in again for a much deeper taste, but then much to Kagome’s disappointment he made a face and released her before abruptly standing and stepping out into the hallway.

He cast her one last glance. “Don’t die, wench,” he rasped and then stomped down the hallway, not particularly caring if he attracted some poor sod’s attention. He could use a good fight right about now.

“You, too,” she whispered, wanting to launch herself after him and beg him to go with her, but knowing she couldn’t. Sighing, she forced her gaze away from his retreating figure and stood up, clutching the doorframe as she leaned around to gaze down the opposite end of the hallway and completely missing how Inuyasha hesitated at the end of the corridor.

She had just gathered up the courage to step out into the hallway when she suddenly heard a lurid curse from the other end and then footsteps stomping back toward her.

Startled Kagome turned her head to find Inuyasha determinedly striding back toward her, jaw set, eyes locking in hers and her mouth parted in wonder.

“Inuyasha? What—”

Before she could finish Inuyasha grabbed her shoulders, shoved her back inside the dark room and spun her around to pin her against the wall before grasping her chin in his hand and crushing her mouth under his.

Kagome reacted instantly, melting against him with a whimper, digging her hands into his hair and returning his kiss with a heated fervor that could only originate from a long suppressed desire for this sort of intimacy and the thought made Inuyasha groan as he dropped his arms to circle her waist and haul her tight up against him. He plied her mouth open with his tongue, needing to taste her with a savage urgency that roared through his veins, his hunger for her desperate, endless.

Kagome moaned and he swallowed the sound. Arching her back she pressed into him, tilting her head, gasping as he plundered her mouth, sending heat spiraling through her body and then suddenly his hands were cupping her ass and he was lifting her up against him, urging her legs around his hips and Kagome complied without a second thought.

Inuyasha broke away, his breathing labored as he growled against her lips, “I swear to fucking god, wench, if something happens to you—”

Hands cupping the back of his neck Kagome tugged him back, claiming his mouth in another torrid kiss that bespoke of her own fears and concerns, nipping his bottom lip, sucking gently, and then drawing the tip of her along across the sensitive flesh. Inuyasha groaned and took over, bracing her against the wall as one hand came up to tangle in her hair and angle her head so he could assault her mouth once again.

They stood there for an unknown amount of time, clinging to each other, kissing over and over, some desperate and hard, while others were slow, lazy and maddeningly hot. Eventually a warning bell went off in Inuyasha’s mind and with great reluctance he finally pulled back, his breathing rough as he rested his forehead against hers.

“You come back to me, dammit,” he rasped, violet eyes boring into hers intensely and promising swift retribution if she did not heed his demand. God, he didn’t know what he’d do if…

Kagome huffed a breath that might have been a laugh and tipped him a small smile. “Only if you promise to come back to me,” she breathed and feathered another kiss across his lips.

Inuyasha grunted. “Deal, wench.” Allowing her to slide down his body and trying to ignore how good it felt, he stood there for a moment, savoring the feel of her against him, her taste on his lips and unable to deny himself one last taste, he dipped his head and gave her one last lingering kiss.

Fuck, it was so hard to leave her.

Greedily Kagome reveled in his kiss, pressing her hands flat against his chest, not wanting to be apart from him either, and before she could convince him to stay with a deeper kiss Inuyasha abruptly broke away and left without a single backward glance.

Kagome sighed and leaned against the wall to catch her breath and regroup her brain cells that Inuyasha had scattered with his thorough and passionate kisses. Her lips were swollen and tingling, and for a brief moment she allowed herself to remember the feeling of him pressed so heatedly against her. Good lord, but if that wasn’t incentive to come back unscathed…

Fighting against the urge to giggle, Kagome shook her head, braced herself and finally stepped out into the hallway, her footsteps light as she wandered down the corridor and not daring to look in Inuyasha’s direction for fear of screwing the plan and charging after him.

Per her word, Kagome was extra cautious as she wandered the halls, peeking around corners, keeping her footsteps light – she’d ditched her shoes once she realized it was difficult to be stealthy with them on and figured she can just go back for them later – and ghosting across rooms, keeping an eye and ear out for anything that would lead her toward their friends. Her heart always pounded whenever she rounded a corner, uncertain what she would encounter as her flight or fight response kicked in. But then every time an empty corridor would greet her and nobody would burst through the door and she’d heave a sigh of relief before the whole damn thing started all over again a few minutes later.

It was nerve-wracking, for sure, but she would take chancing the unknown any day over encountering a patrolling samurai.

Kagome climbed up a short flight of stairs and tried not to think of what Inuyasha was doing or how he was faring, wondering if he’d managed to find Tetsusaiga or not. Every time she passed a window she was reminded of him, the sky getting steadily lighter until Kagome suspected dawn was very soon, perhaps in the next half hour or so.

Be safe, Inuyasha, she thought and distracted as she was with thoughts about her hanyou, Kagome rounded the corner without checking first...and stopped dead when her eyes landed on the solitary samurai standing before a set of double doors.

Unsurprisingly he noticed her presence immediately and shifted his stance, turning to face her as he lifted his weapon. It looked like some kind of spear.

“Hey, you!” he barked and Kagome reacted without thinking.

“Please!” Kagome cried and ran toward the guard, who lost his scowl at her plea and blinked at her in confusion. “Please help me! I’m being chased by a terrible youkai and—and I’m lost, I’ve been wandering this place for hours trying to find somebody to help me!” Kagome skidded to a stop in front of him and reached up curl her fingers over the top of his chest plate, peering up at him with wide eyes. “Please, you’re the first person—man I’ve come across and I’m so scared!” She said the last part on an exaggerated sob and as she willed her eyes to tear up, Kagome mentally thanked her mother for being adamant that she signed up for the drama club in school a few years ago.

Thrown for a loop, the guard gaped down at her and it was clear he definitely hadn’t been expecting this. But, he did lower his weapon and didn’t look suspicious at her fabricated story so that was certainly a plus. But then his demeanor completely changed, going from puzzled to tough-guy within the span of a few seconds and Kagome could have sworn he just puffed his chest out a little.

“A youkai, you say? Where is it?” Drawing himself up to his astounding height of what Kagome guessed to be 5’9 – Kagome had to suppress a laugh because Inuyasha had him beat by about five inches – the samurai adapted a fierce look of determination and Kagome inwardly smiled.

Hook, line, and sinker.

Sucker, she thought. Aloud and acting every bit the damsel she said, “I—I don’t know,” she stammered and took a step closer to him, tilting her head up and peering up at him from under thick sooty lashes. “But I know I have nothing to fear when there’s such a big, strong warrior like you to protect me. Right?” She moved her hands to his shoulders and smiled demurely up at him and when she saw him flick his gaze down to her cleavage, framed by the loose collar of Inuyasha’s kosode, Kagome mentally cheered.

He made no attempt to hide the fact that he was blatantly staring at her chest and Kagome was suddenly very glad Inuyasha was not here to witness this; she had no doubt that if he had been this man’s remains would be splattered across the wall right now, despite Inuyasha only being a human.

“Uh...that’s right,” he finally said and managed to drag his eyes back to her face. Then he grinned lasciviously, seemingly forgetting there was evidently a youkai running around somewhere that he should probably take care of. “Yeah, don’t you worry, sweet thing,” he drawled arrogantly and Kagome barely refrained from rolling her eyes. “I’ll protect you. Just stay with me and you won’t hafta be afraid no more.” He looked down at her chest again, his interest glaringly obvious.

Trying not to cringe, Kagome’s smile turned sultry as she slid her hands down his armored chest to the waistband of his trousers. “Oh,” she cooed. “My hero. How can I ever...repay you?” Suggestively pressing herself against him Kagome bit down on her lip and tried to come off as shyly seductive while inwardly she was fighting back her gag reflex.

He actually licked his lips as his eyes greedily stared at her breasts and his spear hit the floor with a clatter as he released it to bring is hands up, tugging at the knot that secured the garment in place. “Well I have a few ideas,” he said and chuckled a little darkly as he plucked at the knot with one hand while the other dragged down the collar and exposed her bra.

Kagome shuddered in revulsion and hoped he thought it was from excitement. He didn’t falter from his task so he probably did. Telling herself this was necessary, that Miroku, Sango, and Shippou were probably just beyond those doors, Kagome slyly loosened the obi securing his pants, trying very, very hard to ignore how...excited he was.

Ew, ew, ew, ew! Bracing herself, flexing her fingers and trying not to hurl everywhere, Kagome bit her lip and purred, “I’m very sorry about this.”

The samurai blinked and gazed at her with a puzzled frown. “What?”

The poor man’s only warning was an innocent smile before mind-numbing, excruciating pain had him releasing a shrill screech that reached an octave Kagome would category as “window-shattering.” His face went bleach white, tears leaked from his eyes and Kagome jerked her hand from his pants just as he went to cup himself. It seemed he was choking for breath as he fell to his knees, mouth opening and closing soundlessly and his eyes were unseeing as he stared at nothing before promptly falling over onto his side and convulsing in agony.

Kagome winced, and although she sincerely hoped she hadn’t just destroyed his ability to father children someday, her sympathies went no further than that. He assisted in kidnapping her friends, after all; as far as she was concerned he had it coming.

Disregarding the softly keening man on the floor, Kagome stepped around him and wasn’t surprised to find the doors locked, but it was a locking mechanism she’d never seen before. It sort of reminded her of a modern lock in that it looked like it required a key of some sort, but it didn’t look very sturdy. Actually it looked relatively easy to break however that didn’t exactly bring any measure comfort because it meant, since they hadn’t already, her friends were somehow incapable of breaking down the door themselves and it sent a cold feeling of dread coursing through her.

Acting fast and with zero hesitation Kagome scooped up the discarded weapon, aimed the pointed end toward the locking device, and releasing a harsh battle cry Kagome promptly thrust the spear into the weak metal with as much force as she was able.

The weak metal gave, breaking apart and scattering onto the floor but Kagome didn’t take the time to relish in her victory. Clutching the spear in her hand, she tore open the doors and dashed inside, wielding the weapon before her and instinctively falling into a battle stance she’d seen Inuyasha take many times. Her expression was fierce, determined, ready and willing to fight for her friends’ lives.

Part 2 

[the-little-red-noodle]

7/3/19 11:39pm the aftermath

Spencer and i broke up today.

I am so exhausted. My eyes hurt from crying. My chest hurts from breathing and thinking and seeing him. I feel hollow but also so fucking heavy i can’t move. I feel hurt, i feel frustrated, i feel confused and i feel so fucking angry that this is happening one of the weekends i was looking forward to the most this summer. I am really really frustrated and really sad.

I had been in costa rica for like 10 days. I was so excited to see him. I just landed at the airportand he texted that he was on his way to my house and i was excited that i would have most of the day and the night to be with him. I would get to talk about the trip and be excited and kiss him and talk about the larp.

Fuck i just wish he could express anything ever. Fuck.

Where was i? I got home, i was trying on larp stuff and being excited and he got there and he seemed normal and we went to my room and i changed back into normal clothes and he sat on the other end of my bed and i was motioning for him to sit with me and he moved to still sit across from me and i was like what’s up?

And he just sat there holding my hands and stuttering and trying to speak and stopping and then i said,

Are you trying to break up with me?

And he said yes, I’m sorry. And i just felt like confused and like aw he’s having trouble speaking but also what are you doing?

And then i was like why? Why are you doing this right now, we have such a fun weekend planned and we have a party tomorrow and a larp and all this to celebrate together, why are you doing this now? You couldn’t have waited until after our fun weekend, until after my fun weekend? Until after i could do the stuff i had been so excited about and planning and planning with you? You couldn’t have waited??

Theres never a good time..

There fuckin is, it’s called ANY of the times i brought it up to you that thigs weren’t working. ANY of the times i said we weren’t communication well. ANY of the times i said i wasn’t happy or that we’re so different or that we just love differently. THATS when you mention the fact that you feel that way too. You fucking. Tell. Me. You fucking say hey I’ve been feeling that way too, we are super different, our communication doesn’t work well together, idk if I’ve been super happy. You fucking say something then. You don’t calm me down over and over saying that we’ll work it out we’ll work it out and then drop this on me literally an hour after i get home from a trip and before this really fun weekend that i would have liked to enjoy. I really was looking forward to this stuff and now you fucking ruined it. I’m not the kind of person who deals with shit by going out partying and pretending everything is fine. I fucking know it’s not fine and i see peoples faces looking at me with the “how ya doin?” face and the pity and the “oh wheres spencer?”

Dude, fuck you.

It’s not like i didn’t also think the relationship wasn’t working. I went back and forth so many times on whether or not to end it or stick it out, but i wouldn’t have fucking dropped it on you right before you had a bunch of important shit to do

Fuck you

Of course i knew it wasn’t working, we been knew. It hasn’t been working since the start frankly, we don’t communicate cohesively. I actually have emotions? And talk about them? And want to hear how you feel about stuff? What a fucking concept???

Fuckkkk youuu

I actually cared enough to go out of my way all the damn time to do what you needed, and show you how i felt, and love you the way you receive it best. Where was my gesture? Where was forthought into doing something for me? Where were any words that actually came from your heart and not phrases that i said were special to me?

Dude, fuck you man.

I’m angry. I’m really really frustrated because we talked so many times about when i was having doubts and when i was feeling like we needed help and we needed to fix shit and where i asked you over and over AND OVER!! HOW YOU FELT! That’s when you fuckig say something! You fucking tell me hey I’ve been having some doubtsabout the relationship and I’m not sure if I’m happy, and then we would have talked, seen that we felt the same way, and ended things respectfully together. But instead, you kept that shit in for months so you could blindside me before i have shit to do

FUCK. YOU.

How do you expect relationships to go? We small talk, fuck, eat, and sleep? And give each other space but don’t ever text or talk while we’re apart? What kind of relationship is that?

Beat change

What kind of relationship was i settling for? With someone who, not wouldn’t, but couldn’t share their feelings. Someone who was incable of really anything involving emotional intelligence. Someone who RARELY asked me how i was doing or what i was thinking about or how i was feeling. Never asked about my past, never knew HUGE pieces of who i am because he never bothered to dig around? He never knew about my depression, or the self harm, or the eating disorder, just a few. So many parts of what ultimately made me me and he just never asked. I asked about him CONSTANTLY and i could never get much.

What kind of relationship was i settling for? Where i have to do so much fucking legwork to get the affection i need and so much effort to train him how to respond to a text in less than an hour. What was i settling for? Because he was the one? Hell no, we been knew this was casual from the start

OH THAT TOO! BITCH THIS WHOLE OPERATION WAS YOUR IDEA!!!!

We weren’t even dating! We weren’t a couple! We were hooking up and then YOU decided you liked me more and YOU decided you wanted to be exclusive and YOU wanted me to be your girlfriend and YOU initiated all those conversations that got us here. And then YOU have the audacity (I’m being dramatic) to step out after you decide theres no fixing us when you didn’t even give it a fair shot. When i brought up how to make us better and how i asked how you felt about every little thing just to gain an inch of insight into what the fuck was ever on your mind.

What kind of relationship was i settling for? Where i had to stretch to get reassurance. Where i had to stretch to get validation. Where no compliment came free or unprovoked. Basically everything you ever told me was because i fucking prompted you to speak. If i hadn’t, we wouldn’t. If i didn’t start a conversation, there was no conversation.

God i am so fucking angry about it. Yes I’m sad and we’ll get to that, but I’m really fucking angry. And i feel guilty because i want to shut down and not be social but i feel like people are fucking relying on me to show up to stuff and drive people to things and camp and do all this and i fuckiiiiinnnggg wanna just not.

But i can’t be a hermit because then i let everyone down. If i bail that means mark has no ride or tent and julia won’t go and shell be bummed and shea will be mad because I’ll miss another fucking larp and everything falls on me

But if i go, i know myself, and I’m gunna be a fucking wreck the whole time. I’m gunna be crying and not wanting to participate and I’m gunna have to watch all the couples be happy and be like “so wheres spencer? What happened? Are you okay?”

I hate are you okay.

Fuckin..???? Like..???? Naw?? I got dumped before a bunch of shit i was super excited for and now can’t be excited because I’m heartbroken and have to do all this shit without him after getting my hopes up that he would go and it would be so romantic and right up our alley and so fun.. and now it’s fucking ruined and everytime i think about the larp, i think about how many people are counting on me to go and how people will say they understand but are also super disappointed and secretly hate me for throwing a wrench in our plans

BUT ITS NOT MY FUCKING WRENCH

ITS HIS WRENCH BECAUSE HE COULDNT HAVE FUCKING TOLD ME HOW HE WAS FEELING MONTHS AGO OR, and i can’t stress this enough, FUCKING WAITED UNTIL AFTER.

I’m mad because he knew how important this weekend was to me, that i literally cut my family vacation short to spend time with him, and i can’t even get to enjoy it with my friends now cuz i swear theyre all gunna be looking at me and thinking ah shit is she ok, should we say something, is she drinking too much, is she eating too much, is she blinking too much, hey are you okay?

I’m frustrated too because i swear i went back and forth on breaking up with him so much and i can’t believe he’s the one who did it, and blindsided me, and ruined my fun weekend. I literally texted mark like a week before my trip in a frenzy like I NEED TO BREAKUP WITH SPENCER! And he talked me down. Yah, mark talked me down. Who always seemed to hate spencer and not like that we were dating, he fucking talked me out of ending it. MARK.

Dude, fuck you, right now. Fuck you for not being about to just talk to me. Fuck sake, it can’t seriously be that difficult to have an emotion formed into a single thought right? I do it constantly. How hard is it to say “i feel like we’re having problems” or “I’m struggling” or fucking anything. Nah, just keep it in and unleash it on the worst time possible. Sounds super.

Fuck you man.

Ima go to bathroom or something. I need to walk this off. Fuck I’m so angry

Also, fuck you for the corny friend line near the end

“I hope that someday-“ “i swear to god if you say that we can still be friends..” “well.. yeah, id like to”

Like, fuck me gently with a chainsaw, i don’t wanna be your friend, dude. We don’t really have a lot in common, it’s kinda part of why we’re breaking up, remember?

The couples who usually stay friends after a breakup are the ones who have a ton in common and lose attraction for each other, whereas spence and i have eh not a lot a lot in common, and i reaaallyy attracted to him. That pairing doesn’t bode for great friends. That sets us up to be like fuck buddies again. No, i don’t wanna be friends. At least not now. I basically said we’ll cross that bridge when we get there, but honestly, fuck that noise, ok? That’s basically u saying that I’m not attractive and that youd be fine just hanging out in groups and hitting on my friends.

Pass.

I’m glad i asked about romy tho. I always thought he had a thing for her and maybe that was why he wanted to end things. Theyd make a good match i guess. Both of them are incapable of expressing any emotions and are crazy stoners.

Man i am not gunna miss the potheads. Omigod. I worry so fucking much about his health and I’ve told him many times. Youll notice, if you read the records back, not once has he expressed interest in my health. Never commented on drinking or working out or anything really. Never worried about my safety ever. Not even after i was sexually assaulted, which i know is a low blow, but honestly..??? Where was the concern? Where was the fuck that guy attitude? If someone had groped spencer, you better believe i would say some shit. I would fucking destroy them. I wouldve done anything to keep him safe, including getting sexually assaulted so that i could get his drunk ass home. Whos gunna carry you back to your dorm anymore? Whos gunna take care of you when you’re throwing up from alcohol poisoning? Won’t be ANY of the people in your inner circle, I’ll tell you that much. Your friends don’t give a shit about your health and it shows and it broke my heart everytime. I watched your friends ignore you vomiting.

I watched your friends ignore you vomiting.

And then offer you weed. Then you threw up again and they passed out. Ffucking what? call me overattentive, but thank god you had me those nights. When you passed out drunk behind a tent at BFtR or when you got too high at a wonderland party or when you drank too much at the alpha toga party and were throwing up in ralphs bags while your friends IGNORED YOU. whos gunna do that for you now? Are you gunna end up dead after a delta party one day because your friends don’t give a shit about you? I worried about this NONSTOP. Because i cared so much about you, and i still do. And i would worry every time youd leave the house and go to bars or whatever because i know that something like that is going to happen again, and I’m not gunna be there to pick up the pieces and give you a placw to sleep and make sure you drink water and take medicine and care about you. Tell me which one of your “friendsl is going to care about you the way i did. Cuz I’ve watched them all fail that test frankly and it breaks my heart.

But i guess.. that’s not my problem anymore. The days of getting you home safe after one too many is over. The nights of staying up till 5 am holding your hair up are over. The conversations I’ve tried to have about your health and hoping youd change those habits is over. Cuz it can’t be my problem anymore. Cuz i can’t watch you kill yourself anymore. I can’t watch you poison yourself everyday anymore. I can’t watch you hurt and hurt and shove it all down anymore. I can’t do it. I can’t watch you be high anymore. I can’t look at you with your eyes drooping anymore. I can’t worry about you taking weird drugs and acid and wondering if you’re okay anymore. Cuz I’m not your girlfriend anymore, and i can’t be your friend either. But i hope you get such a friend soon. I hope you find a better person to look after you a little. Cuz I’ve watched too many of your “friends” just inable you to do dumb dangerous shit. I can’t watch it anymore

I’m not gunna fight for us to stay together. I’m not gunna ask you to reconsider. I’m gunna (try to) not reach out. I don’t wanna talk. Theres nothing more to say. Anything else, all of this, is just me being angry. And needing to get out anger, but it doesn’t ever need to see him. He doesn’t need to hear how I’m feeling. He doesn’t need to see me suffer. He doesn’t need to hear that I’m angry or sad or doing well. He feels enough guilt as it is, and i don’t need to add to it.

But i can still be angry. And i can still be sad. And at some point, I’m gunna do okay. Because that’s how this shit goes. You go up and you go down and you have friends, real friends, there to catch you. And i hope you do too.

For now, it’s too hard. It’s too hard to look at my instagram with pictures of you. It’s too hard to see your face. It’s too hard to think about what to do about your mom and sister that follow me. It’s too hard to think about if i want to take the pictures down.. cuz what if you do..

I guess i should probably sleep.. but i just feel really fucking hollow. And really fucking heavy. And really fucking tired. But really fucking sad... like really fucking sad..

And i bet he’s feeling none of it. Cuz that’s what he does. He pushes everything away and never talks about how things affect him.

As we were talking, he said that this was the most he’s cried in the past years combined. And considering the last year he had, that is really fucking sad. In some ways it’s nice to know i had a big impact, but also like.. god.. he needs to be talking to someone. He needs a therapist. He needs help. He says he doesn’t, but he does. We dated for 10 months and he couldn’t talk about his dad. We never talked about my past. He really scimmed the surface of what a connection should be, and that’s really sad. And he ended it before he could make some real improvement because he was getting better.. really slowly but he was.

Idk what to do with myself. Idk how to feel or what to say or who to say it to. I want to sleep and i want to do yoga tomorrow. And i want to figure it out from there.

[realcaptainjim]

Random blah

How do you just open up randomly to the masses or groups without coming off stupid or trite or anything other than "fuck I just wanna say something"?

It's difficult.

But, with all media and all friends and everyone in my life I am perceived as just one section. Granted, I did that shit to myself. Hahaha I mean... I've kept myself guarded for years and so few people really know me. In fact those that know me only know parts.

I guess I just want to breathe and admit all of who I am for the hope that people can just see it once.

What is the most prominent part of me? Without saying I am this BUT... I'm also that?

Well let's start either way with the most rewarding part of me and trickle down.

I'm a parent of two. Well, I am a father of two. Which I guess is shocking given a lot of my re-blogs. But, I am.

I am a father of two beautiful miniature people who honestly don't know that I have a kink side. Honestly though, how many of us parents would want our kids to know that? Not really out of embarrassment, but quite frankly out of the fact that children can't fathom and shouldn't fathom that part of us.

So, I am a Dad... A male to female transitioning dad. They decided that I will keep that title and I will always say it with gross pride! Even though I giggle when introduced as "This is my dad, HER name is Jem."

Some people gasp or grow confused, others simply smile and continue normally. For me, it's just awesome how supportive my kids are of this path that I hid for so long.

And... That leads to where I began transitioning... It was the day after Trump was elected. My kids were scared. They are of mixed ethnicity and had been facing new adversity because of that... It still rings loud in my ears when my youngest said... "It's not fair, we can't hide who we are, but you can."

At that moment it was put up or shut up time. I couldn't hide myself any longer... They had known for a while and had accepted me... It was time I accepted myself and made sure to set an example in a scary world.

So... I am a trans-parent... Who stilllll loves women! That's the other thing that confuses so many. I am on the road to being a woman... But, still prefer and adore pussy to dick. After all "if I don't want mine, why the hell would I want yours in me." That's how I explain it to guys.

Sorry, but I find the male form repulsive. But, that's just from my personal Dogma. Men can be beautiful inside and out! And there's so many cute gay, straight, and transitioning men out there! I just find the penis to be... Ewwwy!

So... I'm a trans-parent... lesbian. That's how I define it... Who loves bondage! As an art, as a part of intimacy, as a form of sharing with friends... Now to what degree do I assign each part of that? Oh dear. Haha. I'm on the fence about collaring a mate or having a mate and collaring a sub... Or having a mate and US collaring a sub or a mutual mate.

More so... I think it's ok to tie up a friend and watch Netflix and giggle together... As much as I think it's awesome to have a mate tied for sex or to just chill.

Wait... Brought up sex. So I'm transitioning... And I like girls... How... Do... I...? I've said for years that I view the thing as "a permanent meat strap on." For that view, it's made coping easier and relationships with bi or lesbian women work...

Buuuut, I'm transitioning... So it's not permanent, right? Welllll... That's an expensive surgery... And financially I have those two amazing miniatures as my top priority... So, that comes down the road. "Then you're just a transvestite" the TLGBQP community tells me. Um.... Sorry, I define me, thank you very much!!!!!

So... That gender dysphoria and being trans is why most think I am a bondage/fetish/kink person. Pfffft. No... Actually, psychologically it can be tied to severe separation anxiety.

I grew up with a bi-polar/skitz mother and a father who wanted to ignore that, so he made sure to be at work constantly and leave me with the emotional, verbal, and physically abusive woman.

Ok ok ok... So a childhood of abuse... That's why I am trans. Noooooooooope.

Actually... I was born a little boy and a little girl... Spent a chunk of my childhood in hospitals having "reconstructive" surgeries... Because "we had a boy and we have to fix this."

Talk about combo pain!

Buuuut, dad wasn't around and mom was always in a psychiatric treatment ward... So... How did you---

My Aunt pretty much raised me. Granted I spent a lot of time bouncing around family member to family member as a child... But, my aunt-- my mom's sister-- was the one at the appointments... The one scheduling surgeries in between having my mom committed or pulling her off of trying to kill dad or swooping in to make sure mom didn't beat me too hard on my birthdays.

Ok ok ok... So that's fucked up. That's why you're into bond--

When I was fifteen my aunt died of cancer. My mother was sane enough through that year to take care of her... And when she couldn't, I did.

Long story short... I didn't get to say goodbye or express my love the last chance I had to my aunt... I was exhausted and couldn't quite understand it all and through a tantrum the last time I could have said anything.

So I stood powerlessly listening to the flat line feeling the warmth leave her hand. Frozen. Pushed aside by her "loving" husband to check-- I stood there as people came and went for hours. My cousin had to pick me up like a baby so I could move.

It's like all emotion but anger left me that day.

Years later I met my ex-wife. Our first date... Stupid old movie. AI... The scene where the robots mom closed her eyes for the last time... I lost it. I cried for what seemed like forever.

We confused our understanding of pain in each other that day for love. It was love. The love friends share... But we... We didn't know better.

We had met online (both teens) in the era of AOL chatboards. I was writing out a suicide note... It was to be my last try (10th) and I was going to go see my aunt. But, that stubborn bitch began messaging me.

She had thought I was a full on woman by the time we went on our first date.

Surprise!

So the beautiful dyke lesbian and the trans dated and got married. Somewhere in between she introduced sex and fetish to me. What a release! My first collared woman. And for that experience and being married and having kids and juggling it all together... I'll be forever grateful.

But... We fell apart.

She had needs I couldn't always fulfill. So I wanted her, my wife, to feel fulfilled. We swing (if that's the term), shared women... So on. But the more life set in, the more it was noticeable that our love was... Not what we thought.

I left her. I wanted her happy. I knew she had fallen for this one guy... I knew that he was hers. I broke it off in the worst of ways.

Anger. For years. Resentment.... 10 years she's been with him. I've never found a mate to accept me... All of me. Damned if I didn't try though.

She's stayed faithful and with him for 10 years while I dated and slept around looking for... Idk what exactly other than acceptance and comfort and a "team."

So... I'm a trans-parent divorcee who loves pussy and bondage and can't find a woman patient enough to take all of that in. Haha.

BUT... I'm also a writer... A crochet junky... An emotional empath due to a weird ass experience from my youth... I'm also a pagan/Hindi/ Catholic (don't you dare tell me that I can't combine and proudly say that), I am a hospitality/F&B career person, I am an outdoors enthusiast... I'm an introvert who is a great actress at being outgoing for my career... I'm a damned loyal yet extremely perverse and sexual friend... So few accept that.

I'm a lot... And there is so much more to my story. But I already feel I am boring whoever the fuck reads this... I am a giant "oxymoron" as one of my dearest friends says about herself.

I make so many people uncomfortable and I am completely unconventional.

I've been homeless and forgotten...

I've had a big ass home...

I used to be a player and still consider myself a slut...

I've fought alcoholism, but refuse AA and still occasionally drink!

I have soooo many crushes... A handful of ones that "got away..." A woman I'd marry in a heartbeat... Several women I want to have sex with just to know what it's like but only see them as friends and think the experience would just strengthen our friendship... 2 women that I just want to cuddle with because they are soooo cuddly, but that's all I'd like to experience... And I have a group of women who everyday have set an example of what it means TO BE a woman! And so far... 1 woman who has shown me that there's a way to juggle all aspects as long as you do it looking good :-)

I'm a lot. People view so many sides...

I just had to get it off my chest as yet another person in my life has had cancer appear and used it as a means to admonish all parts of me.

[rose-fury]

came across this list and thought it would be interesting to do for my ocs starting with Cel since I consider him my main whatever its called on here

A. Psychology

What of the Meyers-Briggs personality types they most fit into? INFP, ENFT, et cetera… ○ ISFJ-T

What alignment are they? Chaotic neutral, lawful evil, et cetera… ○ Lawful Good

Do they have any emotional or psychological conditions? Are they aware of it? Do they try to treat it? ○ The biggest one for Cel is PTSD, I think. I don’t think he’s really pieced together it’s PTSD yet so, as for treating it, no.

Are they a pessimist or an optimist? ○ He’s somewhere in between

Are they good at handling change in their life? ○ Yes and no. It really depends on what the ‘change’ is. But, usually, yes.

Does your OC tend to assume their interpretation of events and reality is correct, or do they question it? I.e., “I’m sure that’s what you said” versus “It’s possible I misheard you.” ○ Unless he knows it for a fact, he’ll question it.

Is your OC confident in their reactions to life in general, or do they get embarrassed or easily shamed for it? I.e., if something startles them, do they insist it WAS scary? When they cry, do they feel like they overreacted? ○ Cel is an overly emotional bundle of feelings and he’s aware of this. So he does get embarrassed whenever he gets scared/cries/etc.

Is your OC a martyr? ○ I don’t think so, no.

Does your OC make a lot of excuses? For themselves? Others? ○ Depends on the situation. Relating to the whole “being emotional” question above, he would make excuses if someone were to catch him. But otherwise, he’s pretty straight forward.

Does your OC compromise easily? Too easily? ○ To an extent, yes, though not necessarily “too easily”. He wants everyone to be happy but understands that won’t always be the case.

Does your OC put others’ needs before their own? ○ Without a doubt, yes.

Does your OC have any addictions? If so and problematic, have they admitted it to themselves? ○ Being a blood elf, I feel like this could be pointing to the whole magical addiction thing. I wouldn’t say Cel has been addicted to it but not necessarily avoiding it since I feel like outright avoiding it is impossible for belfs ? idk I have a hc where, since his powers all deal with the Light/Darkness part of lore, there was almost no reason to go down the path of arcane addiction like so many others had, save for recreational reasons. Hopefully that made sense lmao

Does your OC have any phobias? If so, where did they come from? ○ Scourge. Both because of the history scourge and blood elves have and especially death knights terrify him, save for the exception of Yasil.

Is your character empathetic? ○ Yes

Is your character observant? ○ Mostly, yes.

Does your OC have to go through their own trials to learn a lesson, or do they listen and learn from observation and lecture? I.e., does your OC listen when someone tries to tell them the importance of budgeting, or do they have to go experience what happens if you don’t budget first? ○ Yes but I feel like that goes with everyone, though.

What’s one of your OC’s proudest moments of themselves? ○ finally finishing his priestly studies was pretty nice. and being recognized as a fully fledged priest, essentially.

Do they get jealous easily? Do they feel bad if they do? ○ Not necessarily, no.

What instantly irritates them or puts them in a bad mood? ○ That’s actually really tough to do. Liars tend to set him off, though. Especially obvious liars.

Are they harsh on themselves? ○ Depending on the situation, yes.

Do they make excuses often? ○ see question 9

Is your OC intended to be found generally attractive? Unattractive? Average? Is there a reason why? ○ I didn’t really intend for him to be overly attractive or not when i first made him. However, I do see him falling more under the average spectrum.

Does your OC place much importance on their appearance? Do they feel confident in it? ○ Sort of. He does make an effort to properly take care of himself and while he mostly is confident in his appearance, there’s still moments where he can be a bit self conscious.

What are some of your OC’s biggest personal obstacles? This could be emotional, physical, social… Are they aware of it? Are they trying to overcome it? ○ other than the previously mentioned PTSD, his social anxiety plays a big role sometimes. He’s trying to get that under control but so far, there’s not much progress on that front.

B. Social

Do they believe you have to give respect to get it, or get respect to give it? ○ He treats everyone with respect at first. Its just up to their actions whether it stays or not.

Do they get frustrated when lines at places like pharmacies, check-outs, delis, banks, et cetera, are moving slowly? ○ I can’t think of a scenario in Warcraft where there would be a line lmao but, metaphorically, I think he’d just suck it up and deal with it.

Under what situations would they get angry at servers, staff, customer service, et cetera? ○ The only situation he’d get shitty like that is if they were rude.

Do they tip well? How easily can they be moved to not leave a tip? ○ He would leave what he could, yes. As for not leaving a tip, it’d be the same reason above.

Do they hold doors open for people? ○ Yes

Would your OC let someone ahead of them in line if your OC had a big cart and the person behind them had very few items? ○ Yes

How do they respond to babies crying in public? ○ They don’t really bug him, much.

Is your OC considered funny? Do they believe they’re funny? ○ He makes jokes rarely but when he does they’re usually clever puns that you gotta think about for a minute to appreciate them.

What kind of humor does your OC like the most? Slapstick, ironic, funny sounds, scare pranks, xD sO rAnDoM… ○ other than being the occasional punny type, his humor is pretty basic

Does your OC find any “bad” or “mean” humor funny? Do they wish they didn’t? ○ No, he doesn’t see any kind of humor in that kind.

Your OC is running late to meeting someone: Do they let the other person know? Do they lie about why they’re late? ○ He would be honest with them.

Your OC orders something to eat and gets their order done in a pretty wrong way, something they can’t just pick off or whatnot to correct, or something major is missing. What do they do? ○ He would politely ask them to fix it and if it happens a second time, he just deals with it quietly to himself.

Do they have a large or small group of friends? ○ It’s a rather small group, mostly consisting of Yasil, Nezza, and Mo’hir as his closest friends. He gets along with a lot of people but doesn’t necessarily consider someone a “friend” easily.

Do they have people they are genuinely honest with about themselves? ○ Nezza.

Does your OC enjoy social events, such as parties, clubs, et cetera..? ○ Absolutely not. Sometimes Nezza drags him to some social event but otherwise he’d rather stay home or do literally anything else.

Does your OC like to be the center of attention or more in the mix? ○ He likes to be in the back, away from the center of attention.

C. Morality

Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it? ○ ah this is actually a bit of a tough one. Cel, being the overly good protagonist type, sees things with rationality and what makes the most sense based on who or what the situation is.

Would your OC feel bad if they acted against their morals? If not, would they find a way to excuse themselves for it? ○ Yes. Cel would feel guilty or like he’s lying to himself if he were to go against his morals.

Is it important for them to be with people (socially, intimately, whatever) whose major ideological tenets align with their own? ○ I don’t think it matters much to Cel so long as they’re not warmongering assholes.

Do they consider themselves superior or more important than anyone else? Lesser? ○ As ironic as it could be with the whole hierarchy that consists in Warcraft, he seems himself as equal to anybody else. He recognizes rankings play a huge role in beliefs all across azeroth and whos “lesser” or “greater” in that sense and frankly doesn’t much care for it.

Do your OC’s morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they don’t like, or when it’s inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational? ○ No. He takes his morals very seriously regardless of the situation.

What do they do when they see someone asking for money or food? If they ignore them, why? If they help, how so? ○ Cel would help in any way he could, either by giving them enough gold to buy a meal or giving them food directly.

Do they believe people change over time? If so, is it a natural process or does it take effort? ○ To an extent, yes. So long as there’s an obvious effort of wanting to change. Though whether thats for the best or not depends on the person themself.

Is your OC more practical or ideal morally? I.e., do they hold people to high expectations of behavior even if it’s not realistic for the situation, or do they have a more realistic approach and adapt their morality to be more practical? ○ He leans towards being more realistic and practical.

D. Religion and Life and Death

How religious is your OC? What do they practice, if anything? If they don’t associate with any religion, what do they think of religion in general? ○ He takes his devotion to the Light very seriously, despite everything that’s happened.

Do they believe in an afterlife? ○ Yes.

How comfortable are they with the idea of death? ○ It makes him very uncomfortable.

Would they like to be immortal? Why, why not? If they are immortal, would they rather not be? ○ No. He wouldn’t be able to deal with seeing everyone (and, by extent, everything) he’s ever loved age and die without him.

Do they believe in ghosts? If not, why? If so, do they think they’re magical/tie into their religion, or are they scientifically plausible? ○ Ghosts essentially exist in the Warcraft universe so it’d be pretty odd for him to not believe in them, I think.

E. Education and Intelligence

Would you say that your OC is intelligent? In what ways? Would your OC agree? ○ He is, yes, because of his critical and quick thinking abilities. And he’s full of useless knowledge so that’s pretty cool too. Personally, Cel sees himself as average.

Which of the nine types of intelligence is your OC strongest in? Weakest? (Linguistic, existential, naturalist, et cetera) ○ Strongest in linguistic, weakest in Interpersonal

How many languages do they speak? ○ Not counting Thalassian, he’s fluent in both Orcish and common and is currently learning Zandali.

Did they enjoy school if they went to it? ○ Yes

What’s their highest education level? Do they want to continue their education? ○ Seeing as how he did, eventually, become a fully fledged priest, he has completed his studies leading up to it. However, that doesn’t mean there isn’t more to learn.

Do they enjoy learning? Do they actively seek out sources of self-education? ○ Yes and yes.

Are they a good note-taker? Are they a good test-taker? Do exams make them nervous? ○ Yes to all of those as well.

F. Domestic Habits, Work, and Hobbies

What sort of home do they live in now, if at all? How did they end up there? ○ He currently lives with Nezza in a little corner of Orgrimmar, as its where Nezza was born and raised and is most comfortable. They actually haven’t been living together for long but so far they’ve loved every minute of it.

What’s their ideal home look like? Where is it? ○ His ideal home is anywhere where Nezza is. So, continuing the previous answer, he’s achieved his dream home.

Could they ever live in a “tiny home”? ○ I wouldn’t say their current home is particularly huge or small, just enough for a 5′5″ blood elf and an 8ft troll to live comfortably. That being said, I don’t think they could do a tiny house, no.

How clean are they overall with home upkeep? ○ Cel is a clean freak so everything has to be spotless. Well, as spotless as one could get their home with an easily excitable druid under the roof.

How handy are they? Can they fix appliances, cars, cabinets, et cetera? ○ he could do basic repairs if needed but anything else is left to Nezza.

How much do they work? What do they do? Do they enjoy it? ○ despite living in orgrimmar, his ‘job’ is with the Netherlight Temple, assisting with operations dealing with the Legion as best he can.

What’s their “dream career” or job situation? ○ His dream, ever since he was little, was to be some great healer. Being forced to be a shadow priest kind of put a damper on that, though.

How often are they home? ○ He usually returns from the temple in the mid afternoon and occasionally, on the rare chance the tempe doesnt need help, he’ll take a day off.

Are they homebodies and enjoy being home? ○Yes

Do they engage in any of the arts? How good do you intend them to be? Would they agree they are? ○ Not really, no. He does admire those who are, though.

What are some of their favorite things to do for recreation? How did they get into it? What part of it do they like the most? ○ His recreational activities are pretty basic. He tries to spend as much time as he can with Nezza and that usually consists of a really cheesy date somewhere.

Would they enjoy a theme park? ○ The Darkmoon faire is essentially a theme park, right? He enjoys that, yes.

G. Family and Growing Up

Is your OC close to their family? ○ To some members, yes. Mostly to his brother and mother.

Who makes up your OC’s family, at least the more important members to them? ○ His mother and brother are the ones that have had the most impact in his lives. His mothers name is Galidia and his brothers name is Thalaron. His father wasn’t really in the picture much growing up before he died, grandparents long since dead, and he never met cousins/etc.

Does your OC find their family supportive? If not, what would be an example why not? ○ Yes and no, sort of. His family affiliates heavily with the Blood Knights so everyone, including his parents, expected him to become a paladin and follow this seemingly family tradition. When he first announced he wanted to be a priest, his family was disapproving at first. However, once they realized there was no changing Cel’s mind they kind of gave up and let him do as he wanted. Galidia still wishes her son would change his mind and become a Blood Knight but Thalaron seems to be the most understanding and supportive in his brothers choices.

What kind of childhood did your OC have? ○ He had a very strict and very controlling childhood. Galidia sheltered her sons more than whats healthy, which could tie into Cel’s lacking of social skills.

Did they go through any typical phases growing up? ○ Not really, no. Thalaron went though that rebellious phase and tried to drag Cel into it to but he couldn’t bring himself to rebel against his mother, not until he wanted to be a priest anyways.

Do they have any favorite childhood memories? ○ There was once where Thalaron and Celendis snuck out of the house in the middle of the night to meet some childhood friends. They ended up getting lost in the woods and didn’t manage to find their ways back home until the next afternoon. To say all the parents’ involved were worried is an understatement. Galidia was furious but it was still a lot of fun to them.

Do they have any childhood memories they’d rather forget or be less affected by? ○ On more than one occassion, Galidia was known to get physically abusive with her kids. I think both Cel and Thalaron could forget those days.

H. Romance and Intimacy

What is your OC’s orientation, romantic and/or sexual? Has it ever been a source of stress for them? Have they always been pretty sure of their orientation? ○ Cel has known his sexuality ever since he first learned what sexual attraction was. He’s never been attracted to women and, initially, didn’t know how to react about discovering he was gay. He’s pretty reluctant to tell others his sexuality, especially given the stigma with gay people in his culture, because of it as well. 

Is your OC a thoughtful partner, in whatever aspect of that you want to cover? ○ He is, yes. He’s always taking into account Nezza’s actions and thoughts and does whatever he can to make his boyfriend happy.

Does your OC believe there’s only one ideal partner (or multiple ideal if not monogamous) for everyone, or that there are many people who could be right? ○ He’s never really thought about it like that much. Other peoples relationships are their own business, so long as they’re happy.

Does your OC believe in love in first sight? ○ Not really no. He’d rather get to know someone first.

Does your OC believe in marriage (or their culture’s equivalent)? ○ Yes.

Has your OC ever cheated on anyone or been cheated on? ○ He’s never cheated, no. And, yes, he has been cheated on. Not by Nezza but by his first boyfriend.

What do they look for in partners? (Emotionally, mentally, physically..) ○ Someone that loves him unconditionally, basically. Who loves him despite his flaws and learns and grows with him.

What’s your OC’s idea of a perfect date? ○ As far as dates go, he’s not really picky. His previous relationships were pretty lackluster as far as dates go so he doesn’t really have many expectations with them. That being said, Nezza always going all out with every date they go on always means its gonna be amazing and special in some way, shape, or form.

What are some things that your OC finds to be an instant turn-off in potential partners? ○ Brutishness, usually. He loves a partner with a soft side.

I. Food

What are their favorite kinds of flavors– Sweet, salty, sour, spicy, creamy, et cetera? ○ Surprisingly, maybe, he loves spicy foods. He also has a lowkey sweet tooth.

Do they have any eating requirements or preferences? Allergies, vegetarian, organic-only, religious restrictions… ○ Not really, no.

Are they vegan/vegetarian (if their overall culture/species generally aren’t)? If so, why? Do they think animal products are wrong in all circumstances? ○ No. Nezza is actually a vegetarian so he finds himself eating veggies more than anything. But otherwise, he’s not.

How often do they cook? Do they order out a lot? ○ He always makes a home cooked meal every night. He prefers it over anything. Though, occasionally, they will go out somewhere to eat.

Are they a good cook? ○ Yes, Galidia taught both of her sons how to cook extremely well so they wouldn’t have to rely on other people.

Could they eat the same thing they enjoy over and over and not get bored of it quickly? ○ Yes, absolutely. He could live on Firecracker Salmon if he were able to.

J. Politics, Current Events, Environmental Aspects

Where does your OC stand most politically? What would they align with most? ○ While he thinks the constant battling between alliance and horde is pointless and they should try to find some semblance of peace, he will always proudly stand behind the Horde.

How politically aware are they? ○ Cel tries to keep as up to date with recent happenings as much as possible.

How politically active are they? ○ Not much, only when it’s needed.

Is your OC the sort to fall for fake news? If not, do they ignore it or make a point to clarify that it’s wrong? ○ He’s always critical of new news until more facts are presented to back it up.

Are they or would they protest for a cause they’re passionate about? ○ Yes, if needed.

How do they react to people whose political viewpoints are very opposite of theirs? ○ Doesn’t bug him much.

K. For the Writer/Owner

How have your characters changed since you created them? ○ Cel’s only existed for I believe about a month since posting this? So he hasn’t changed much since then so far.

What do you consider the biggest themes in your character, if any? soft crybaby, is that a theme? it is now

Did you create the character to be like yourself, did they end up being like yourself, or are they very different from you? ○ I didn’t intend for him to be but it seems we’re both giant emotional balls of feelings. That’s purely coincidental, I swear.

Would you hang out with your OC if you could? ○ Absolutely, yes.

Which OC do you think is the most decent morally or behaviorally?  AKA, which is supposed to a “good guy”? ○ Cel is, out of all the ones on this blog right now.

Which OC do you think is the worst morally or behaviorally? AKA, which is supposed to be a “bad guy”? ○ It’s hard to say, really, since they’re all meant to be protagonists in their own ways. But, moral wise, I’d probably say Yasil would be the ‘bad guy’

Which OC do you think is the most attractive? ○ they all are in their own ways donT MAKE ME CHOOSE ONE

What’s the longest you’ve had an OC for? ○ Taking into account *all* of my ocs, probably 7 years if not longer.

How did you come up with your OC? ○ Making a belf priest ingame then got attached to him pretty much.