#idk why this is such a big deal to me lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ofmdee · 9 months ago

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deep breath okay lets do this, active ofmd blogs, give this post a like so i can check out ur page, yeah? 👉👈

bunch of rambling under the cut lol

GOSH man. i almost never check my followers on here and now im overwhelmed by it, so i thought this would be easier lol. but i find myself wanting to be More involved here at this time? and i wanna feel... idk more of a PART of all of it?

i have this compulsion?? to make sure i catch up w my social media feeds every day (meaning get back to stuff i saw the previous day) which is why i don't follow a ton of people, because i get easily overwhelmed, to the point where i start to feel.... uncomfortable if i am out of the loop for too long, and i am rly trying to get past that and make that not matter to me? to make peace with what i Do scroll thru in a day and be cool with not seeing every single thing.

anyway point being, i wanna follow more people, and meet new people, and be less..... standoffish? i am feeling particularly fond of the fandom right now, in light of everything that's happened, and i would love to make more connections i say even tho i can never keep a fuckin conversation going lol

i've been realizing lately that i never reach out to ppl, i never initiate a conversation or approach others first, and often let conversations die because idk how to continue them, and idk, that kinda makes me sad? when did that start? and no promises that'll change, but... idk i gotta start somewhere. and it makes me nervous even tho i KNO it's not that deep? idk!!!

i've been doing fandom and sims on tumblr since like, 2012, lol, and idk when i started to shrink back and blend into the background, but it def happened? online and irl lol. i've just got so much anxiety! how can that much anxiety fit into one person???? and while i've def been more active on fandom twitter over the past 6 years, there are a lot of things that i like better abt tumblr so. yeah. here i am!!! i'm sure none of this was necessary, lol, but i wanted to talk thru it w myself so. now u get to read it too.

#xoxod #idk why this is such a big deal to me lol #but it is!!!#i Gotta get less weird about stuff #oaky im goin to bed now but i will check this in the morning!! 😘

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jojo-the-puppy · 2 months ago

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gonna try to word this as best as i can but, if you're tme and kind of stupid in regards of transmisogyny issues, you can like ... listen. it isn't that hard.

trans women and transfems as a whole are constantly doing the hard work for you, explaining why something is wrong, how you can make sure they feel safer, that Hey! This Show Is Kinda Transmisoginistic, So Maybe Don't Recommend It To Me!, etc etc, they're literally doing the heavy lifting for you, and if you truly care about them the way you say you do, you'll educate yourself at least a little

"trans women are women" in your bio isn't enough anymore

#its already fucked that we are putting the burden of educating others on them #instead of doing it ourselves #but god at least LISTEN???????#idk bitch all of us worth a dime already dropped jkr why cant you also drop rocky horror show lol it aint that big a deal #jojo barks #ignore me btw I'm not being too smart but like.... Ive seen so many ppl lately refusing to learn

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thegreatyin · 8 months ago

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it is more than mildly bothering me to look up dungeon meshi discussion between fellow anime-onlys and watch people call the funny purple eyed elf boy (thistle) a dark elf. like. i haven't read the manga but ive seen that one strip explaining the difference between them and normal elves in the dunmeshi verse and uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that's incorrect i think,

#it BOTHERS ME. IMMENSELY.#can a man not have a skin color?????#sorry for venting about something that absolutely does not matter on main lol #i just think the implied 'all elves are naturally light skinned and dark skinned elves are Some Other Race Inherently Different' is uhhh #it's bad. actually.#yin-thoughts #dungeon meshi #idk???? it's not that big of a deal????? but also i Dislike It Greatly????????#maybe im just overreacting #it's just BORING too. why make dark elves just elves that are black. make em freaky purple cave dwellers or something idk

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aroaessidhe · 10 months ago

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2024 reads / storygraph

The Jinn-Bot of Shantiport

set in a cyberpunk Calcutta-inspired city, loosely inspired by Aladdin

chaotic monkey bot who wants to fight in underground mecha/bot tournaments and leave to become a space hero

his human sister, the daughter of failed revolutionaries who has been working her whole life to free their city from oppression and inequality, especially with the recent rumors that their planet is scheduled for destruction

and an old unearthed bot whose function is to observe & record the story of a client who meets the siblings and quickly becomes involved in their lives

and a treasure hunt to find an old and powerful piece of alien tech that has the power to radically change their city

#The Jinn-Bot of Shantiport #aroaessidhe 2024 reads #I really loved this #a little robot with a big personality? TWO of them? im in.#The pacing is a bit weird - the first half could honestly be a contained novella. the second half is a bit all over the place #But I’m ultimately glad to have that extra more complex part of the story #it’s like very action packed with a few dense moments especially like the infodumps about what Lina / her mother’s deal is.#which kinda makes sense on a technical level (Moku learning this all at once) but also I definitely felt a bit confused at why/how some of #the stuff that was going on was happening #I did also find every now and then weirdly worded prose took me out of it? but I can look past that #I felt the side romance was random and weird. I felt like it did a disservice to her otherwise complex character to have her just forget #her goals and values because Hot Man?#idk. it’s lampshaded a bit by being viewed through the POV who also thinks it is weird and makes no sense #but they still get together again in the end…. I would have preferred if they didn’t.#that's mostly complaints LOL but the world is so rich and interesting and i love robots that are little shits (affectionate)#queer books

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corvidcall · 6 months ago

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i very rarely get a sense of satisfaction from completing tasks. ive heard people say this is an ADHD thing, but idk. personally i think i might just be bad at being alive

#anime life #i wish i could do something for myself but it just feels so hollow. like why fucking bother yknow?#i wrote a lot of my fic Book of Red Murder and then started to lose steam #and i thought maybe posting it would encourage me to finish it #and it did at first #but then there wasn't a lot of readership or energy around it #which like. is fine and not weird. it's not a big deal and it's not like it's something im OWED #and also i had. a bit of a mental breakdown and had to stop being active in the fandom #so now DEFINITELY no one's gonna read it lol #idk i feel bad even posting about it because i don't want anyone to feel bad or like im trying to guilt anyone about it #i just have trouble articulating what i feel and why and it helps me to try to reason it out #no one did anything wrong but i think it's still understandable for me to say that i was discouraged #when it felt like people didn't really like my writing. or. to be honest. me as a person #i guess the lesson here (if there is one at all) is that if you like a fic you should probably tell the person writing it

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fenrishion · 11 months ago

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growing older is weird once you start becoming more emotionally mature than your parents and start realizing how emotionally instable they are and that none of these fuckers should be allowed to have kids in the first place

#sorry i treat tumblr like a vent blog but. delete this later i promise #fr tho i feel like im at my limit this year #when your first reaction as a parent when you've done something wrong isn't to apologize but say “its not a big deal”#and wonder why your children dont come to you with their problems at all and remain at a cordial distance #or constantly berate them about their spending despite them telling you it's only a certain portion of their income #or complain that their partner is spoiling them with gifts then idk man??? like what do i tell rin to do #stop buying stuff for me? lol

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fruityumbrella · 4 months ago

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ruining the romance of an "ive never loved anyone more than i love you" confession from zoro by needing to tack on "well, okay, except for luffy, but you get it right?"

#sorry but you cant ignore it theyre two parts of a whole idc who hes IN love with he LOVES luffy the most #unironically a major reason why zosan works to me. bc they both get that understand it respect it feel it #there was a line in siyt where zoro says smth to the effect of 'nobodys ever done something like this for me before' about-#-sanji making a big deal abt his birthday #and they both kind of stop for a second to kind of Hear that statement before laughing and saying 'no luffy has' bc obviously #sad that didnt make the final but it was unfortunately a darling i had to kill bc it didn't sit in the scene right #but anyway idk sorry i guess that probably turns some people off those particular works but like. idc lol im just being honest<3 #it makes sense in this fic anyway bc theyre soulmates but even without...the crux of the matter is. luffy is zoros Guy #and its never a competing romantic feeling or conflict or anything (to me) its just part and parcel ykwim

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parasolids · 5 months ago

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i kinda love when a character clearly needs professional help but is trying to self treat it with like crystals and essential oils and like herbals and stuff and it is Not Doing A Lot. i think largely because i was living like that for a very long time and it sucked but at least the aesthetic of plants is nice

#it was like alright i truly want to die and ive got an entirely uncontrolled life ruining brain issue on my hands #and we are treating it with ashwagandha gummies and a porridge that supposedly helps mood.#idk im sure it did something or another and ive heard of ashwagandha helping some people with ocd but it wasnt doing a lot for me #and also i like the Botanicals Vibe and also kind of making characters with the This Is Not Going To Work But Whatever I'll Take Vitamins #i remember around when my brain first broke with ocd i just could not understand why i felt so upset and freaked out 24/7 #and it was december so i just started mainlining vitamin d #idk if that helped or not lol #my oc cal does this in one of his storylines. in a downward spiral but too scared to ask for help/doesnt see it as a big deal #so he smothers himself in soothing lavender oil and takes vitamin d and all that but still cant stay calm and still wants to die #and blames himself for getting worse #hm i think in another storyline he’s barely able to leave his house and has spent about a third of his life comatose/imprisoned/otherwise #not like Living #so he’s only had like 5-10 adult years living in the real world #so he’s completely overwhelmed by things like open spaces or other people. can barely handle the grocery store #since he’s so used to being isolated in a smaller quiet room #also his biology is sort of not human in this au so basically he can’t go to the doctor #anyways he’s up to here in aromatherapy and ashwagandha and whatever else

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i-love-def-leppard · 1 year ago

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#def leppard #wowww they are HOT #also i think pt.2 is gonna be ready to post either later tonight or early tomorrow #depending on how I feel after reading over it a thousand more times to make sure it’s good #it’s gonna be a very smutty one lol #idk why but i feel so vulnerable writing smut and posting it but it’s kinda fun so who cares #also I apologize for talking about pt2 a lot but it’s kinda a big deal for me I guess #okay rant over lol

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leyyvi · 8 months ago

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aot fans putting unsolicited awful takes and tagging them in the main tags then getting surprised by other people dunking on them will always be astounding to me

#like why did you do that #what were you expecting #also this isnt tiktok please take your petty jealousy for tumblr clout somewhere else LOL #also also i can promise you people's fics doing well on tumblr is not nearly a big of a deal as you think it is please go outside #touch some grass go for a walk #get a job idk #this happens every other week #'hER FOLLOWERS ARE COMING AFTER ME'#GIRLY POP YOU TAGGED IT UNDER LEVI ACKERMAN EVERYONE CAN SEE THAT SHIT LOL #just say you want more attention and go honey!

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gregmarriage · 2 months ago

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it might just be my period, but i feel very annoying. like i’m too much and too intense for ppl and i keep scaring them away, bc they don’t like that

#imao it’s definitely my period #tho i feel like that just anyways #but current context for why i feel like that is my period lol #idk saw something that made me upset even tho it’s not about me #it’s like a generalised statement #i don’t need to be upset about it #but my hormones are just like ‘haha lol you suck x’#and like others things that i’m making way too much of a big deal over #but also idk just weird feelings :/#whatever!!#idk a vent #may or not delete later

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radiaking · 5 days ago

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Finally got rid of my SIL’s bf on instagram so I can stop seeing his stupid face under ‘online’ every time I open my messages

#.ooc ( dani is an asshole )#I already had him hidden for like ages lmfao but for some reason he still shows up there and it was driving me nuts #the only reason I’ve even bothered not to just unfollow from the beginning is bc I didn’t wanna stir up shit with the family but like???#them bitches already know I hate him so whatever lol #I know for a fact they’re the type of ppl who like regularly check shit like that too so I just didn’t want my wife really #to get any fucking shit about it #but I just don’t care anymore lol. it’s not even a secret we don’t like each other so idk why it’s gotta be a big deal #personal /#tbd

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julesnichols · 6 months ago

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Bro how hard is it to use the insert gif function or at least tag and credit the creator of a gif when you use it in your own post 💀💀💀

#vent #i am Fairly Sure that it's one of mine. and it's being used as a header for a fic someone wrote here so it's not like #the focus of it? at least lol but also idc if you wanna use my gifs for that just unless i said it's okay to not credit #(which i have done in the past but not this particular one)#then just. use the insert gif feature. or @ me. not a big deal #i don't block people who insert my gifs into posts unless those posts are offensive in some way #i'm not into x reader fics and ik some people who block people for using their gifs in those fics #so maybe that's why the sneakiness? idk #but i don't block anyone if they insert my gif or tag credit me on an x reader fic unless there's smth offensive in that x reader fic #but just. bruh. lmao #i cannot be fucked to say anything directly but this is the second time that gif has been reposted without credit

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orcelito · 1 month ago

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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement

It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao

#speculation nation #i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno #also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol #but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication #like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol #but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them #and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr #but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.

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autumnrory · 4 months ago

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woooo my niece took 5 of my 13 lego sets, one of which was one of the three larger ones, so that's one huge box out of the way and i'm just glad she wanted them because like they ARE twenty years old and they look fine ofc but sometimes kids aren't gonna want stuff that isn't new and shiny ya know, but she did seem to want everything which would've been fine with me but i knew there was no way they would take all that with them, and at least i still have stuff of my own to sell, plus should get at least a cut of my brother's stuff for doing the inventory and putting together that stuff that wasn't already done

#i mentioned the hp sets and how they had been pretty much left together and he was like '....i had harry potter sets?'#which once he saw them he did think they were familiar which was some of my feeling with mine #like oh YEAH i do remember these i just didn't remember having so many #i mean between 13 sets it's really like 3 categories so i would've played with like the whole ice palace and its related sets #i do just wonder how it'll be at the store like everything is pretty much in fine shape #and probably there are people who want older stuff that's rarer and whatever now #BUT then there might be more of a demand for newer stuff at a better price or whatever idk #anyway 6 sets left in the upstairs and then the bionicles and statue of liberty are still in the attic #i'm still not convinced there couldn't be another box somewhere bc idk how to explain the few sets #that are missing so much that i can't actually do them bc even if we had gotten rid of some why would we not include the huge base or w/e #anyway we'll see! but i'm getting closer! and i did a little one this morning #that seemed to be complete it didn't list some of the pieces as extras but based on the instructions i figure they have to be #so i don't really need them like i'll include them if i find them and they're not needed for something else but yeah #anyway i can go back to fic though these first two at least are short so i may be going back to another one tomorrow #can't wait to have my room back though fr like #it is not the only thing making it feel messy because i have newer jewelry and clothes and stuff that i just have to organize and put away #but man the jewelry situation is just. it's not even having so many pieces it's like big earrings that take up a lot of space or whatever #so i just have not wanted to deal with it but it's kinda out of hand #but i can really think about that after this particular project is done #and do puzzles again oh my god i have 3 puzzles waiting for me at least #plus my mom always has a bunch to be done since everyone knows to buy her puzzles lol but that has also gotten out of hand #i wouldn't mind getting rid of a couple of mine though just bc it is like okay you do it but then you just have it and it takes up space #would be cool to have pretty ones framed tho

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talkorsomething · 5 months ago

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want to cut my hair again like you wouldn't believe. What are the possible consequences of going bald

#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #actually i dont mean bald i just mean all one guard length #but hhhhh maybe i'm in an awkard stage maybe not i just CANNOT live like this #middle part is frustrating because it's not perfect in the way it sits side part is frustrating because i look like a girl #i feel like i could go all in with the 4 and then sorta texture a bit with the 2 guard HOWEVER having used the 4 previously. i know #how short that is. it might not look good so i worry #the bright side is it would grow out a bit by the time of the parade but augh i hate this #i'm currently a tightly wound ball of rage sorry. i didn't eat much of anything 2day #tried to call the hospital to get help with the letter/consulation thing preceding top surgery and they were NOT OPEN so idk if they will #be open tomorrow or not. the passage of time has gotten very vague all of a sudden #iiiiiii do not think i am doing well. lol. idk why though! god forbid any of it have a reason #i almost wish i'd relapse just so i could like. eat food again #idk i don't think it would solve it but i feel in my heart it might make things easier #buuuut because relapse is Bad For Me i guess i have to avoid it. well i want to anyways.#one bad day would not a reset make but my previous day happened this year already so...#i dunno it's been so long that i feel like it's not valid or whatever cause it was at an age where i can say it was a 'phase'#.............. i dunno what to do with that information. anyways.#i mean so what if i went all in on it again anyways? i kinda miss it lol. it's not like i could do any serious harm??#(potential infections aside.)#i just want to be creative and i CANT because my stupid brain will NOT think of anything #and the majority of what i have concretely written of this was written... get this .... right when i was trying to stay clean at first #correlation does not equal causation ........ sighs #i feel like i'm fighting a losing battle because i WANT IT to be that bad again #i've never really regretted it & it's never really been because of anything #i just started because i was curious about why someone would do that. that's all #i dont think i've EVER had any of the mental distress i see people in when theyre in these spaces #in one journal entry i made this big deal about wanting to kill myself but *i didn't want to*. i never did.#like sorry old me but it is REALLY hard to believe i've ever been depressed depressed #i just want things to be better and they never are :/ this should be everything i wanted and its just ... not #i'm not really sure how to ....... oh tag limit ok hold on

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