#idk why they do it but it makes me feel better for some reason
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Different fashions reddit user say is the same thing and why they are not
i cant believe this is a post i am making lol but ima clear up how these reddit users r wrong lol (pls dont harass anyone this is just for educational purposes)
Dark girly vs Jirai
Dark girly kei is a fashion that predates jirai (jirai is a lifestyle!!!) The only reason Girly kei is associated with jirai is cuz the girly kei style is what was trending when jirai became a thing. i go more in depth about jirai here
with the next sections i do not know as much sadly but i shall use the knowledge i do have and please feel to jump in!
Cutecore vs Jojifuku
cutecore 1 2
jojifuku 1 2
As we can see there is a lot of overlap. Cutecore is a style that emerged around 2020 (🩷) meanwhile jojifuku is from the 2010s (🩷)
Cutecore often has themes of spookier stuff (not always tho!!!)
Jojifuku (女児服) translates to girls clothing. the look of it is to look like youre wearing kids clothes.
(again i dont know much about these styles so feel free to correct me!)
Coquette vs Hime kei
Honestly I dont know what they are really talking about here lol. Hime gyaru? Hime lolita? Himekaji? So ill show how each one is different form one another
Coquette 1 2
Hime gyaru 1 2
Hime lolita 1 2
Himekaji 1 2
Coquette is a style thats super popular on this app (tumblr) and imo its recently gotten pretty popular. meanwhile ive seen styles like himekaji dwindle in popularity (at least from what ive seen) i think its pretty obvious to see the difference with just pictures so i wont go into a lot of detail (unless you would like me to)
yes all styles of similarities but they also have noticeable differences. Some similarities include 1. all being a more feminine style 2. all often having pink colours 3. all are fashions (and more) But some differences include 1. where/when they originate 2. the silhouette/certain parts of the look 3. the popularity (and more)
Kidcore vs Decora
kidcore 1 2
Decora 1 2
Kidcore as the name states is a more "childish" style. Its very colourful and gives off nostalgic vibes.
Decora is a style that is about decorations/accessories. You cant have a decora fit without them.
Cottagecore vs Mori kei
Cottagecore 1 2
Mori kei 1 2
I dont even know where they got the idea these were the same thing lol
Cottagecore is based around wildlife, farming, cottages, nature. it has a "rural and pioneer" vibe
Mori kei is is more earthy. The best way i can think to describe the difference without rambling is cottagecore is the ppl living in the forest and mori kei is the forest? idk lol.
Rococo vs Lolita
if anything its flipped. Rococo inspired lolita. Also there is so many different types of lolita. sigh.
If you take anything from this I hope its to do your research. And not just listen to the voices you agree with. Listen to the history. Listen to the people who know what they are talking about. Pls lmk if I can explain anything better and feel free to add on! have a good day! (also i am just one source pls go do ur own research!!/nf)
#reddit being dumb#jfashion#fashion#j fashion#lolita fashion#decora fashion#gyaru fashion#gyaru#girly kei#info#information#fashion info#long post#good to know#coquette#hime lolita#mori kei#cottagecore#decora#kidcore#hime gyaru#himekaji#cutecore#jojifuku#jirai#jiraiblogging#dark girly kei
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(DATV thoughts with spoilers ahead; i think my tags will keep it filtered but just in case it doesn't since i dont want this in the actual game tags)
i just... man. i don't have a well formulated thought for this yet (and its my PERSONAL OPINION and other people can feel as different as they want, this is not an attack) but it keeps bouncing around my head, so. i know the popular thing right now is coming up with in-universe justifications for The Pantry Almost-Kiss Scene in ways that imply Lucanis didn't mean it/it doesn't represent him as a person/he was Faking It.
and i just don't like any of them. they make me sad!!!!!! i don't like the idea that one of the like 4 romance scenes we get in this game is him Pretending in some way, even if he does at that point like Rook back at least somewhat. None of the justifications i've seen make me feel Better about that being the point where we declare him as a romantic interest, which is what it is in the game, functionally. It doesn't lock you in yet but that point IS where the game says "they will take your flirting more seriously now". I did those same scenes for Davrin, Emmrich, and Taash and this is the formula the game uses (the "interrupted almost-kiss/confession" happens for almost all of the companions).
so if the answer for Lucanis' is "actually he stopped because he Didn't like what he was doing/feel that way yet" or that he felt he had to pretend for Rook's sake... it's kind of a letdown you know? esspecially when it comes right after what seems like an actually authentic moment (dispelling his "perfectly gathered clouds of doom"). Because, at that point in the game from my/Rook's perspective, it was like he finally was reciprocating. It made me hope that he'd acknowledge whatever was between him & Rook more in future scenes, especially because you get so little else from him at any other point, in terms of flirting back/showing you he IS interested. like up to that point I felt kind of bad for continuing to flirt at him, when he'd just change the subject right after! if someone did that in real life i would take it as a hint to stop. This is pixels and not real people so I didn't but they have done "reluctant/fearful interest" better in other characters if that's truly what they were going for in this one.
so after finishing the romance and getting the rest of content... idk. I don't like saying "one of the major chunks of characterization we get needs to be Thrown Out Actually because he was Pretending". because it's not like he or Rook ever actually address it in game--you just don't get to talk about feelings until some dialogue choices only in the act 3 romance scene, and then his speech at endgame (not even a full conversation, so much as his personal declaration). like it takes until the VERY end of the game for him to say the thing about "he was afraid to want you", but that comes after you've already hooked up, even.
I think truly what annoys me is that it's a story choice that can only make sense in HINDSIGHT not AS PLAYING. Only once you have all the scenes can you say "this one is out of character" and then you either have to accept it as bad writing, or come up with some in-universe justification to explain it... and so far none of the in universe ones feel good to me. i wish they did because maybe then I'd be less annoyed, rip. but at the end of the day i think even if there was some intent there, it was a poor choice for his story arc, because it doesn't effectively convey anything... and the reason why we can project a lot of different explanations onto it is simply because it is never addressed again (and again, Lucanis Dellamorte is NOT A PERSON he is a CHARACTER used to further a story for you the player, and so the reasons I don't like this choice are story-level and not a dig at how real life people feel or act).
So yeah at the end of the day. that is simply not a narrative device I would ever personally use in this way on a player/reader. certain kinds of hindsight revelations have their place (see: what the devs tried to do with Varric though I also think that falls apart on close inspection, but at least it has justification in-universe), but for a romance it just makes me embarrassed for Rook. In a game where you don't have nearly as many back-and-forth conversations with characters and have to resort to eavesdropping on them talking to each other, it's sad that one of the like 5 times you actually get to talk to Lucanis one on one we're maybe supposed to believe he wasn't being authentic, and also that Rook can't respond to this ever. It would be different if it had any kind of follow up, imo. or honestly as i've said before i would rather it have been swapped out with something entirely different or where we get to talk about their feelings instead, before i get labeled as one of the "people mad he's not Zevran 2.0/a sexy latin sterotype".
But having to step back to player-level analysis versus in-character analysis when looking at his whole romance arc just feels sloppy. but i'd much rather stick to "bad writing" than "intentional character choice" in terms of how to interpret the scene I guess, at this point, for poor Rook's sake. and i know people disagree with when I've said that before bc as much as I love Mary Kirby in other areas, she has said many times that she doesn't like writing romance, and I think it really does show here. As much as I love Lucanis and the scraps we got I wish I didn't have to do so much filling-in-the-blanks on our own.
#like... ive been trying for weeks to come up with reasoning that feels better than “He Is Faking It And Rook Believed It (What A Sucker)”#so far i think. with a lot of extra work/headcanon.#i could buy it as a trauma response about it being the first non-harmful touch he experiences since the ossuary#and not expecting himself to get anxious halfway through/not intending to need to bail out#but i haven't fully formulated that yet. but man does the “pretending” angle hit wrong for me :(#fine if other people like it! it just makes me feel sad :(#ramblings#lucanisposting#lucanis dellamorte#jade plays dav#dav critical#veilguard critical#bioware critical#discovered i have already been Blocked by ppl for my previous Lucanis Takes so might as well cement the deal i guess lol#dragon age: veilguard /#dragon age: the veilguard /#datv spoilers#da4 spoilers#i THINK that kind of tagging works for keeping out of tags but on post filtering???? i hope. anyway#also i LOVE being Sad about bioware romances in other ways (Solas; Thane; etc) so its not Just That its specifically feeling Tricked yknow
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its so funny when people see an inclusionist who is part of like, every possible oppressed minority within oppressed minority groups, and then they say something inclusionist that They Specifically are against and they go like "what the hell. i thought u were better than this. i expected you to not have empathy for The Bad People." its ridiculous anyway thanks for being so chill and always open minded ur blog makes me feel safe
it makes me want to bite a chunk out of my desk
i've had this happen to me so many times over xyz thing and it baffles me. i don't get why people think that just because they like my vibe that it means that i'll agree with everything they have to say. and i really don't like it when someone struts into my ask box acting like they have pity for me, or are "scared" for me for "not knowing better". it actually pisses me the fuck off that people think they know what's best for me.
i do not understand why people look at how inclusive i am and go. i bet equinox hates (marginalized group). on what planet? i'm intersex. i'm trans. i'm bisexual. i'm biracial. i'm disabled. i'm neurodivergent. i'm mentally ill. i'm poor. i've been chronically homeless. like i could keep going. why do people think that i harbor hatred in my heart like this? i don't. i don't want anything to do with your hatred and looking down on people
i don't look down on people. i think that's what irritates me the most is when someone projects how they look down on others on to me. keep that to yourself. i'm not in the business of looking down on people who haven't harmed anyone. people really have to learn that something irritating them isn't harming them. getting annoyed is not the same as being harmed.
i don't entertain people like that because i do not owe someone i disagree with validation. i am not humoring people who think it's okay to be an asshole. if i'm well known for not being an asshole, what the hell makes people think i'll change just for them? get real. i'm not going to start excluding random groups of people from communities they rightfully occupy. maybe i just have too much lived experience, but i'm not narrow minded, and my goal in life isn't to make people feel like shit. my goal in life is to help people. hating a marginalized group will never be helping anyone
thank you for this message, genuinely, because the amount of people who have crawled into my ask box lately with the most bullshit exclusionist takes thinking that for some reason, i'll bend to pat them, in specific, on the back, has been staggering. idk why people think that i inherently agree with them just because they agree with me. i'm not your weird little yes man to pat you on the back and give you validation. i'm a person with my own thoughts.
take care of yourself, thank you so much for the kind words! i appreciate it more than i could ever express
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Mr. Scarletella yap 👇 professional yapper here btw i cannot summarize
I’ve passionately thought about this multiple times b4 and saw a post abt it n reminded me to rant it here
PERSONALLY, i think the Misters in Homicipher are not freakydeaky😔 if they like you, or can fathom the idea of love and associates it with you, they’re the clueless/observer type. THEY DO NOT KNOW HUMAN’S CUSTOMS OR WAYS TO EXPRESS CARE OTHER THAN HFJDJDJDH WHAT THEY’VE BEEN DOING!! /not mad
Deffo Mr. Scarletella, he wants your name (or soul) because he thinks you offered/gifted bodies TO HIM. Something no one has ever done, he’s interested in you in a way an intrigued predator is to a naive forgiving prey. Not in an obsessive yandere way. He feels archaic, like he’s been here since FOREVER plus he’s the reason other rumors or urban legends can exist, but you’ve been unknowingly “offering” to him. He must’ve seen it akin to worshipping. (Idk, it’s like ur praying to a random forgotten statue in a middle of nowhere out of funsies and maybe respect but it’s actually an evil deity’s icon and now you’re fucked.)
Maybe the reason why he’s goes around asking for names, is that it’s something he can have, know, want. Maybe he doesn’t have one himself. Name = soul 😭
In the Scarlet Rain End,
you gave him a name— A SOUL. A different purpose, to be with you forever.
Also i have a headcanon that Mr Scarletella can pick up on human language very quickly, or already knows some. Because when you gave him a name, Scarl/Scarlet/Babygirl or any name you gave him, it’s technically innn the human language… And he repeated it back when you said his name.
I also like to think that he’s non-confrontational in a sense he cannot harm physically. Can’t do shii other than to gaslight and make em hallucinate 🤷
Maybe i’ll explain more or better in the morning i jus need it get it out ykyk
#i said PERSONALLY!!#a madman’s journal entry#homicipher#homicipher headcanons#文字化化#mr scarletella#sorry for the rant
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I feel like Hershel and Desmond would both be afraid of themselves.
If they stop and look at themselves. If they realize what they're doing came from years of pain. Would it all lead to a question of "Who else am I going to hurt?" "How many people have I unintentionally hurt because I never realized what I was really doing?" "How many things of my life have I missed because of this?" "How many things do I—or will I—regret?"
I feel like Layton self-sacrifices to a fault. That others get hurt trying to protect him. That he unknowingly drags other people through pain to get to where he thinks he needs to go. To solve every mystery there is. To get rid of his pain from outside sources, he needs to make as much of it himself under the titles "Determination" and "Amazing at solving things" and "Helping others" because then, how could those things ever hurt him? How could they ever be seen as pain? They're not like his (other) traumas. They don't cause pain at all. Not to mention what he thinks about danger. Danger? What danger? There's no danger here. Just people who are willing to hurt others to get what they want—Which is very sad and shows their pain and he'd very much like to help them in any way possible, if possible. If they show that they don't want to be helped, then it's better to leave them be.
But then again, nothing can ever be someone's fault other than his around him. I think he goes over betrayals thinking, "There must have been something I could have done." or "There must've been something I did." or "If I learn from this, I can make sure it never happens again." or... ... I think he has a hard time accepting that things really aren't his fault / there's really nothing he can do about some situations. Actually, when it comes time for Unwound Future and the whole Evil Layton arc... The only time in which he actually raises his voice is at himself. Is at the version of him that betrayed all of the morals in which he's held onto for so long. But a part of me thinks that, if he knew things were actually his fault, he'd have a problem with that, too... I mean, look at how he reacts to him getting puzzle answers incorrect in CV. In CV. In the 4th game of experience that he's had with puzzles. And a movie. With all that experience and he gets something wrong... he's disappointed in himself. Going back to the UF/LF thing... "I demand an explanation!!" I don't think I'll ever forget that line. I think, from his journal... We know he was trying to think of reasons why he would do something like this. Idk. I'm. Thoughts are not thinking anymore. Um. Wow I really lost my thought process. I was also gonna talk about Desmond. But I guess that's not happening at the moment.
#i will come back to this... maybe.... hopefully#i just think they're really sad people.#if you really look at it.#they're similar.#part of me even thinks that desmond has more pain than layton but. idk#ill get to that... maybe....#i just wish that everyone was happy.#that nothing bad happened ever.#i think they deserve it.#if none of the bad things happened#how much would have changed.#healanalyses#i should start putting it in one word huh#healthoughts#i guess#professor layton#hershel layton#desmond sycamore#healsramblings#they make my head hurt. and i think they'd be afraid of themselves#because i relate to them in more ways than i want to#and im afraid of myself because of it.#i ask myself those same questions#and i heavily relate to hershel and relate somewhat to desmond#and i ask myself if im a monster disguised in righteousness and friendship and healing and positivity#and if everything in my life is my fault or not#and what can i do to help the situations or my friends or things like that#even if everyone says that im the best friend that they know#or the kindest or whatever compliments they give me#somethings lingering within me; telling me i cant accept those words
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my math teacher keeps complimenting me for speeding through our assignments and getting them all correctly, he told me i just HAD to have taken this class last year cause there was no way. i just know in a month im gonna fall behind back into my C minus' and hes gonna be so disappointed i can NOT do this
#the power of memorisation!#he also calls me 'miss *last name*' which is what my favourite teached ever called me when i had him#only me though no one else#idk why they do it but it makes me feel better for some reason#shut up mars!
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tis here!! My stupid little beta pdbc comic!! UHHHHH
additional ramblings because I don’t know how to stop yapping:
I know the ending is extremely abrupt but honestly? I can’t even lie I think it’s funnier and somehow more in character that way. There is no way in hell he’d question what just happened he’d just lay on the floor and say “alas!” As if that is in any way is a proper response to what just happened. So no apologies for that, I genuinely think the ending is amazing and won’t hear anything else. Alas.
I WAS REALLY SCREWED OVER WITH THE TEN IMAGE MOBILE LIMIT SO THE PACING IS VERY IFFY!! That alongside the fact I wanted to get this out as quickly as possible to gauge opinions and such—therefore making this much less detailed than I’d like to have made it, yes that’s my own fault I know—means that I couldn’t properly show what the briar zome is like (HEARTBREAKING). It’s a lot more spacious and unending than what’s shown here. In this it only looks like you’re there for a few minutes but experiences there can last up to a week. There are also a lot more thorns and spiked vines, it’s just that, like I said, I wanted to get this posted quickly and coloring in all of those spikes probably took more time than some of the drawings themselves. Had I made this as accurate to canon as possible, it would be much more visually cluttered. The briar zome is VERY hard to traverse because almost everything is covered in thorns (hence the name). Also worth noting that although it’s seemingly wintry there, there’s no actual temperature in the briar zome which is why pumpkin daddy is not fucking freezing to death (you have to look DAPPER when you’re illegally eating crabs)
This technically isn’t canon. This is a mishmash of all of the stuff I have about the briar zome, but in canon it’s all much more spread out, e.g. the eyes weren’t discovered until a few trips in when they actually bothered trying to figure out if/where the briar zome ends, in which BAM they found a buncha eyes!! Speaking of the eyes, their official names are Sotes, and where they’re found is called the “Eyes Rink” (GET IT!!! EYES!!! ICE!!! GET I-💥💥💥)
you’re probably wondering what the Miika chimp incident is, which is a fair thing to be wondering, however I will not be elaborating because I think it’s funnier that way. sorry (I am not at all sorry)
AND THE TIIIIIIME yes indeed the time works differently there. As one could. Probably guess by the wack-ass watch positions. The briar zome does in fact have its own time system that’s displayed differently than most would be used to. Alas, I had to cut that part short because I realized I was quickly running out of pages and I really wanted space to draw some of those beautiful beautiful eyeballs. I has this whole lecture about different types of watch hand designs and their names but that was unfortunately cut for time (ironically)
anyway uh. hope this was somewhat enjoyable? *EXPLODES*
#I am going to try to restrain myself from bashing this too much because I’ve already made my opinions on it Very clear#but I am. not all too proud with how this turned out but THAT’S OK THATS WHY ITS A BETA COMIC 🦅🦅💥💥 I am LEARNING#trying. so hard not to go on a rant about everything I hate about this because that won’t be beneficial to anyone and I need to learn that#just need to take a deep breath and remind myself this is a beta for a Reason this is merely a practice#but with all that out of the way GIVE ME FEEDBACK 👹👹👹🫵🫵PLEASE#I need feedback I CRAVE feedback I need to know what I’m doing wrong or right#because I am genuinely blinded by my own lack of confidence I do Not know what’s good or bad when all I see is bad!! be brutally honest!!#in a nice way!! because I got that RSD swag!!#but seriously do tell me your thoughts cause I want to make more in the future!! ones with a bit more planning involved!!#I just need to throw together some beta character designs so I have more to work with#trust me when I get the hang of things it will be SO much better there will be DECENT ART and DECENT WRITING and GOOD STUFF. I THINK#so uh yeah!!!!! idk what to say I feel like a cat bringing a dead bird to the doorstep EXPLODES#pdbc#and tell me if there’s any specific comic topics ya’d want to see!! feedback is my life source!!#giant friendly eyes meet tiny angry woman with ommetaphobia (heartbreaking) (they just want friends)
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i honest to god wonder when i can get a fucking break. i don’t know shit about my car. the fucking asshole who hit me won’t even give me his insurance shit. it looks like i’ll be alone on christmas because my uncle probably won’t be doing christmas eve. my aunt was completely wrong and i am in fact vastly and incredibly alone. i haven’t even had the chance to put up a christmas tree because it’s an incredible amount to do by myself and no one can come help me. the wreath on my front door? won’t stay up so there goes that i guess. at least i put down grave blankets. i feel like i’m the most irritating fucking person on the face of the earth. i wish with such incredible intensity i could just disappear but i have to go to work to a job that i can’t even take a week off from.
#ooc. o kaptain.#negativity /#[I’ve absolutely hit breaking point and I’m genuinely sorry to everyone. idk anymore. writing doesn’t make me feel better because I can’t#ever seem to do it consistently for a plethora of reasons. video games barely help. I love my job but at the end of the day I am just some#stranger to all these people and I go home. and I have no one here. by this point I’m just… existing day to day to day and I don’t even know#why anymore. and absolutely no one gives a real fuck when it comes down to it because I am just an insignificant part of their life. which#is no fault of anyone’s I’ve just been…. idk incredibly unlucky. I don’t know. I’m quiet unless I do replies I guess. it’s taking everything#in me not to just delete this but genuinely…. I feel so fucking empty and all I want to do is grieve but no one will let me.]
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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guys hear me out would painis cupcake pay taxes? Because he’s not like mega insane like ass pancakes I think he’d pay his taxes in my professional opinion.
#I also had a conversation with my friend about if he had to wear a suit why would he#We discussed for a very long while(6 minutes) and the discussion was very enlightening#Slowly turning painis into a functional human in society…#Except you know he eats people that isn’t really stuff normal people do#this is a joke btw#I think he would pay his taxes but if the tax people are rude to him he wouldn’t#I think it really depends#Does he even have any taxes to pay? Because he doesn’t have a job I assume so he doesn’t have any money#But theoretically if he’s like working for another freak and he’s getting paid or something#Idk guys I might be going a little bit bonkers… he’s helping me get out of art block at least#Oh I hope all these tags don’t accidentally show up in another tag that would be bad I’ve seen that happen#I’ve already typed so much though#It’d be funny if there was painis angst because I wouldn’t be able to take it seriously because his name is penis basically#Why am I only saying painis I’m going to tag him anyway#Painis cupcake#there#alright anyways painis cupcake angst would be fucking hilarious imo#My professional opinion#Mmhmmm I’m a professional in being stupid#My friends will call me spedpool on hallowen#I took 2 yardsticks in stem and I pretended to be said guy in the red suit I don’t want to tag him because I don’t want someone to#Find this unhinged rant about painis cupcake that got way off track woah#Ok continuing on the painis rant#I can’t draw him with pencil for some reason he looks so weird#I can draw soldeir just fine with pencil probably even better than online but whenever I try to draw painis he looks like a pile of dog shi#A moist pile the kind that would make steam if it’s cold outside#I feel like it he tried painis cupcake would really be a great functional citizen#Oh wow I wrote a lot my bad
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thinking about fallout 4 against my will
#random thoughts#fallout#unfortunately nora compels me#the fact the 'hi honey!' tape specifically mentions her 'shaking the dust off' her law degree is interesting#like she gave up her job to stay at home with her husband and kid. why?#like that's a whole year. at LEAST.#love the idea of nate pressuring her into it <3 maternity leave turns into 'isnt it so nice being with sean around the clock?'#'too bad you won't have this quality time when you return to work'#turns into 'you can always return to work if you feel like it but we DO have a lot saved up . . .'#and it's like. okay so fallout 4 would be so much better if it were set in the 1960s. literally no reason it shouldnt be#yknow beyond complying with lore which. it isnt that faithful to in the first place#i just think it's weird the game is like 'here's the FUTURE' and then it's like 'here's the FUTURE FUTURE'#anyway make it the 1960s. give me time-appropriate fucked up family dynamics#and nora's a laywer and a feminist who promised herself she'd never compromise her career for a man#and nate seemed so NICE and like he understood until uh oh. frog in a slow cooker#and he makes everything seem like it's her idea until she's barefoot in the kitchen with a screaming baby on her hip and burnt food in a pan#and she doesn't even realize she's trapped until it's too late. isolated from friends and family#idk ill do more research later to make it more time-accurate (ESPECIALLY interested in second-wave feminism)#anyway i think she cheats. with a door-to-door salesman selling places in the bomb shelters#(honestly probably the only adult social interaction she's had in weeks beyond her husband)#i like to think at some point she had a bit of a car accident due to the stress so nate took her keys#probably just a minor fender bender he blew out of proportion but she believes it because oh god what if she hurt sean#her feelings toward sean are complicated. i dont think she quite loves him which she feels guilty about so she overcompensates#with trying to keep him as safe as possible and she feels like he KNOWS and HATES her#(honestly when the bombs drop everything happens so quickly and when she's in the future and registers sean's gone she feels. so relieved)#(followed by heavy shame)#nate sabotaged her birth control btw. love evil 1960s patriarchs#never outright stated but heavily implied!#anyway nora in the future (while she felt very progressive for her time) feels very out of place#like her ideals have no place. like she has no place
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idg bullies bc if you think someone is committing some sort of social sin... why aren't u stepping in to help them, why are you watching them fuck up? clearly its important enough to you that you try to socially punish the fellow, if this is a social cause you are so very impassioned about, why not help that person not fuck up?
or... did you just want to laugh at someone fucking up? bc at that point you're providing nothing to anyone besides just being an asshole but hey ig some people are proud of their assholes so
#to me its just an unnecessary energy#like i have shit to do i have chores to go home and get to why are you wasting both of our time being an ass#what is this doing for anyone besides fueling your narcissism#cool bud happy for you and your fleeting superiority complex as soon as i leave the room#i wonder how you make yourself feel like you're better than everyone when im not around- oh yeah its bc you go online#and spread your disease-like assholery elsewhere so then everyone becomes an asshole and no ones happy#no one can be sincere... everything hidden under a million layers of irony... stuffing every last emotion down bc emotions are cringe#or whatever...#idk. i dont like the artificiality of every social interaction these days. i feel like the only genuine ppl i meet are like. old ladies lol#everyones always got some sort of scheme or some shit... older ladies only care about talking about tea n knitting n shit#you think an old lady has any reason to be shitting on anyone? when shes probably living her best lil humble life?#theyre old they dont have the energy or time to hate anymore all they wanna see are things to love and hey i think everyone should#try to see the world that way. they know they dont got a lot of time left so they're more appreciative and nicer (usually)#you never know when you'll run out of time so why not start appreciating now?#why spread hate when you can be love. cheesy but its true
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vent under the cut you don't need to read if you don't want to!!!!!!!
I honestly hateee opening up or oversharing with ppl. it's kind of like eating for me where it feels okay in the moment but then afterwards I just feel awful. it feels like I'm attention seeking or saying someone else's experience isn't valid for some reason and it sucks. I don't do it at all with ppl I just met but with friends I tend to get carried away with it sometimes,,,
It hurts even more because I've been distancing myself from ppl bcz I'm scared of this exact thing happening. People have messaged me before, saying I seem cool and they want to be friends. And I get happy in the moment, but then I get really anxious about accidentally getting too comfortable and blurting out personal things, because then their opinion of me will wane and they'll think I'm annoying or ungrateful. So I subconsciously begin to distance myself and take a while when responding to messages, because I'm scared of getting too comfortable with them. But now I'm anxious that they think I'm cold or distant and that I secretly don't like them. It's just a lose lose situation mannn </3
I have so many DMs I've put off responding to, and I've stopped talking in servers as much bcz I'm scared of getting close with ppl in them. I really feel bad for it, though. I've drifted from friends bcz of that and it sucks because I genuinely love them a lot. I love everyone I talk to a lot and they always make my day better--I just wish I could be the same for them. I feel like it's a chore to talk to me. I honestly don't know what to do. It's even worse when I get close to someone bcz they like what I make/post because again, now that they've seen how I really am and I've opened up, they more than likely see me as annoying or a bad person. Like it hurts enough whenever we become friends naturally talking, but if it's with someone who's seen me at my "best" and has seen things I work on or stories I've created, they ofc associate me with those things, and their expectations of me are through the roof. So when I disappoint them it hurts a lot more. I hate getting attached to people it hurts so much
#vent#it's okay tho.I think a hug would fix me. I want a hug so bad :(#probably delete later#tag ramblings below#AND I LOVE LOVE LOVE MY FRIENDS SO MUCH LIKE SO MUCH so it's even harder. like I feel like I don't deserve them#y'all deserve better than me#I WISH I COULD ADOPT THE IDGAF ATTITUDE#truly the best feeling in the world--realizing you don't care anymore#and idk how someone could possibly like me for things I created--it's not even like I write well or sing well#I honestly don't understand how ppl could see anything I've made or sung and genuinely like it#so whenever someone DOES I'm just like hasbdhabsn yay!!!!!!! and then I ruin it w my awful personality </3#it's also why I take down a lot of ao3 works#like I've made 50 something works but it only shows two because I've taken so many down or made them anonymous--I hate my work so much#but ppl like it enough to actively want to get to know me and it hurts bcz I feel like they're not THAT good#same thing with singing like I'm not good at it at all#but ppl used to rlly like my impressions of characters and I'd get cast in quite a bit of cover groups and I just don't understand.why???#but ofc I can't ask that bcz.idk it just feels attention seeking when I do that#like can you praise me a whole bunch so I don't feel like it's not totally awful please?#I appreciate the support I get so so much and it's not that it's not enough it's just my brain is mean </3#idek what this vent is abt#I think ultimately it's just abt my fear of disappointing ppl#I'm close with a few ppl who know me bcz of things I made--and I feel like I kinda ruined their impression of me a little (a lot)#especially bcz I didn't always used to vent this much. like back when I was 12-15 I literally refused to vent no matter how bad it got#and I had friends who vented every single day so it's not like I'd be the only one#I just feel like it's wrong when it's me :'D I feel like my feelings aren't valid ig and I'm ungrateful bcz my life rlly isn't that bad#I only started venting a lot this year for some reason--and it makes me feel bad bcz now my current friends have to deal with me like that#like I have a diary I write in and it works sometimes but ultimately it's better for someone else to give you validation#I hate venting so much though#(<- literally venting rn BAHSDBAS)#I'M SORRY if I've been venting too much. I feel like I've been venting too much.guys am sorry if this is annoying I promise I'm workin on i
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art students are suuuuch babies dude i actually can't believe all the profs are so nice i'd be grabbing people by the shoulders and shaking them and yelling "JUST REMIX THE FUCKING COLOR WHY HAVE YOU TAKEN 3 PAINTING CLASSES AND YOU STILL WONT EVEN ATTEMPT TO MATCH A COLOR THAT YOU MIXED BEFORE WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THIS WHOLE TIME DO YOU HAVE LITERALLY NO DESIRE TO IMPROVE OR DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND THE PERSON WHO IS ALWAYS MAKING INCREIDBLE WORK IS ONLY OUTSIDE FACTORS YOU CLAIM TO HAVE NO CONTROL OVER RATHER THAN WORK AND A WILLINGNESS TO TRY CHALLENGING THINGS
#i actually was talking about this w one of my classmates during lunch today we were like yeah i feel like there's a lot of people who just#have tons of excuses all the time and don't really take it seriously and don't want to actually try hard#like in our classes we have noticed a lot of people like this this semester. and we have the little chat and then we go to class and the#whole time our other classmate is crying to me abt how her paints that she had mixed got too wet? in her stay wet palette bc i guess she put#too much water on the sponge? idk i use paper towels in a tupperware so idk what her struggle was.... 30 dollar palette btw....#anyway she was crying to me the whole time about how she couldn't possibly use those paints and i was like. cant you squeeze out more paint#to correct the consistency? and she was like no i can't remix them i don't remember what colors i used to get these specific colors#and i'm sitting there like. okayyyy. and then i was like can you not just use the watered down paints i think it actually is better bc you#can get really subtle blends and build it up slowly (the entire point of the assignment btw) and she was like no it's too watery even for#that (it wasn't) i encourage her to try anyway and she starts putting it down making no effort to blend in between layers and shows it to me#and it of course looks awful and she's like seeee it doesn't work. okay girl sure i guess just don't fucking do the assignment see if i care#like why are you complaining to me why are you not just MAKING AN ATTEMPT TO GET BETTER AT SOMETHING#what do you think school is FOR#and of course she had a headache. and of course she didn't sleep well. and one million other things. you're not gonna make it. you're gonna#apply for the bfa program and they're gonna deny you and you're gonna make up some reason it somehow wasn't your fault#god i hate to be mean i think it's valid to struggle and get frustrated OF COURSE i do it all the time but i never ever see her just like.#make something. without making up a million reasons why she could t do x better or get it done even CLOSE to on time#and there's like 6 of this girl. but she's the one who sits next to me so it just drives me extra!!! crazy!!!
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I don't care when people don't include me in stuff, I'm used to it but-----
my own family going on a trip w/o even asking me kinda felt
shit 🫠
#like i understand cuz they gave up on trying to talk to me butttttttt#why the fuck am i the villain in the story even like this 😭#its okay if u dont give a fuck abt me. but at least dont make me feel like i deserve it lol#like yes sorry but i have a reason for lowkey disliking all of you#and i know damn well all of you know why#yet they always say that it makes no sense i behave this way#behave this way means keeping my healthy distance and trying to move out asap#i dont spread hate and im not an asshole with them???#but me not acting all lovey dovey is a problem too#yes idk i always think i should cherish that they are still alive and i could better my relationship with them but#What to do when you can see your own dad literally hating you#like when he talks to me he always does so in a cynical and angry way#man im sorry i was born and shit its kind of your fault for not using a condom :/#lol okay i think imma delete this later but yes#yes i hate it that the only people i feel loved by are de*d ffsssssssssssssss#like all is well lately but i wish! love wouldn't only exist in my head man! im happy this way but when i realize the situation its kind of#pathetic and idk until how long#can i keep on staying sane like this lol#im kind of already insane if we think abt it but how long will it take me to lose my marbles completely 😭#yes this crisis was spiraled by just me not being included in a trip i wouldnt have gone to regardless if they asked me#but yes like. Idk they could have just told me at least😭 i called my sis in the morning and she responded like 10 hours later that they are#w dad and a womannn doing some funsies eating pancakes n shit 👻👻#i hate pancakes and i hate myself but 👻#im jealous of you guys frrrrr🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛ for being so normal n happy 🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛
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Today feels so off wtf 😭😭😭
#maybe it’s because I feel bad for not being productive in some way#but also like I’m in that avenue of “my friends secretly hate me for some reason idk why but they just do” 💀#but also my stomach hurts so that’s not making my mood any better#idk I’m thinking to myself lol#and whether or not I should go back to work for only 3 weeks#my posts
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