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causenessus · 3 months ago

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hi my loveliness!! GOOD MORNING AFTERNOON OR EVENING!! i’m so sorry i’m sending this late my love i had a terrible terrible work shift (7-11 and 1-5:30) IDK WHY MY WORK HATES ME LIKE WHAT ARE THESE SPLIT SHIFTS </3 i hope you’ve eaten and taken care of yourself I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE I MISS MISS MISS YOU WHEN I GOT THE NOTIF YOU POSTED I LITERALLY JUMPED AT MY PHONE i miss you so much im so happy to hear from you again and hear that you’re doing well TELL ME ABOUT UR DAY I WANNA HEAR ALL ABT IT!! also ur literally the cutest i wanna bite ur cheek (LOVINGLY) everytime i read ur responses i always go “ness is so cute omg i love her” LIKE SOME THINGS U SAY IM LIKE omg she’s so cute like I DO THE SAME !! everytime i have like something go on i’m like oh my god i need to tell ness this bcuz WORK IS CRAZY!

don’t worry about answering ur asks so late! i’m so so sorry i sent this one late i had such a busy day and i was gonna write one last night but i was so tired </3 IDK WHATS IN THE AIR LATELY BUT IM JUST SOOO TIRED(its work) and you know what’s so very very silly? i was totally gonna like tell my manager that im quitting like yesterday right BUT THEN MY STORE MANAGER QUIT?? so i don’t know i was like ohhhhh….. (i’m not sure if im gonna quit for uni)(i WANT to but im not sure if i should?)(im kind of motivated by you to keep working IDK YET WE’LL SEE) AND DONT WORRY IM HOLDING YOUR HAND ILL FOLLOW !! i will piece together ur jumbled mind so do not worry ur pretty little head and DONT WORRY ABOUT ANSWERING THESE LATE !! REALLY !! u don’t have to worry at all my love

OMG AND I WILL QUIT LIKE I REALLY WANT TO id rather work on cutesy little frames with ness like im literally gonna pack my bags and get a us citizenship and work with you !! also im gonna put in my little work stories here now so prepare for yapping so so so this was on wednesday right (my other 9-5) (idk why they can never give me 4 hour shifts i hate full shifts AHHH) oh my god ness it was the worse shift ever like no seriously i was like ON THE VERGE OF CRYING !! but i did have one sweet lady like come up to me right and she was like “was that ur voice on the intercom?” (i think she knew because i was in the fitting room right and that’s where you answer the phone) and i was like yup! and she’s like you have the sweetest voice ever i hope you know that and IDK IT WAS SO SWEET LIKE i remmeber being so touched because i literally had the worse customer interactions that day like IM NOT SURE WHAT WAS IN THE AIR BUT EVERYONE WAS SO SASSY LIKE it’s back to school season at work so everyone is like …. shopping right? GOD I HATE MEN AT FITTING ROOMS BECAUSE they give me back their clothes all inside out with no hangers and they just leave it on the table… and they’re like “thanks”’and just leave and i literally hate it so so so so much like no it’s the fact that the clothes are INSIDE OUT and just messy and everything that mainly bothers me because like i’m not expecting the clothes back perfectly on the hangers but IM NOT EXPECTING THIS EITHER? and it’s worse when it’s like 10 items and im like oh this is great… this is great… and actually like i HAVE to get the customers to hang up the items like (sorry im just gonna yap and go on a tangent)(this is not proofread) so i can make sure they aren’t stealing right like I HAVE A CAMERA RIGHT ABOVE US but the customers are always like “it’s ur job to do this!!” LIKE YES BUT IM GONNA GET FIRED OR WRITTEN UP IF I DONT ASK YOU TO HANG IT UP LIKE it doesn’t have to be perfect and WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME (fortunately it’s not a common thing because most people are respectful enough to hang it up)(but i do sometimes get that customer that’s like erm isn’t that ur job…)(NO MY JOB ISNT TO ASK GROWN PEOPLE TO HANG UP THEIR CLOTHES??? I JUST DONT WANNA GET FIRED) and oh my i had the WORSE CUSTOMER COME UP TO ME AT CASH LIKE they had so so so many items right?? but then when i told them their total they decided they didn’t want half of their items anymore so i had to void them all and like i i remember hearing her be like “she’s so slow”(to her friend) and like “they need faster workers” LIKE IM SORRY I HAVE TO LOOK ON MY LITTLE SCREEN AND FIND YOUR DUMB ITEMS TO VOID THEM LIKE MAYBE !! I DONT KNOW !! DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT AND WHAT YOU DONT WANT BEFORE COMING UP HERE?? and i literally wanted to cry because im like i was already so stressed and having a bad day and HUNGRY so after that customer i was like i’m going to the bathroom but instead i went to our warehouse and ranted to a coworker, NEARLY CRIED and left so yeah to that customer i hope your kids give you a hard time because there was no need for all that drama !! IM JUST A GIRL !!

OH AND I TRIED THE POKE BOWL BUT THERE WAS NO IMITATION CRAB ONE THERE WAS JUST A SALMON ONE and i was really really like hesitant to try it right because i was like hmm raw supermarket fish…and like to be honest it wasn’t THAT BAD like i will admit i didn’t eat a lot of the salmon but i ate everything else! and the raw fish wasn’t so bad when i mixed it with the avocado and everything else, and i was like omg i can’t wait to tell ness i FINALLY TRIED IT!! i really wanna try the imitation crab one so like i can actually finish it but it wasn’t bad!! ill give her a 7/10 and literally it’s only the salmon part like I WAS SCARED and the salmon wasn’t that good either but what can i expect out of a supermarket plus it was only like $8 i think or $11 i actually don’t remember BUT CINNAMON ALMOND BUTTER SOUNDS SO GOOD?? it was so funny because i was literally looking for almond butter but i didn’t find any unfortunately and i totally get the peanut butter thing! i don’t like peanut butter much either but also i don’t eat it that much LOL i think its the texture and like the TASTE IDK im really picky in general im very basic foods or safe foods you know also omg me in your schedule<3333333333333333333333333333333333 IM GONNA CRY (/POS) and IM SO SAD IM ANSWERING THIS LATE STILL LIKE WORK ruinS MY SCHEDULE it just nudges its way in and ruins it like </33 but when i got off work i just got right into writing back because i miss you so very much like I DONT KNOW LIKE YOUVE LITERALLY BECAME THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF MY DAY NOW SO IM ALWAYS LIKE omg i need to tell ness it’s always a thought that comes to mind now

ALSO IM SO HONOURED YOU WANTED TO REPLY TO ME LIKE STOP <333333333333333 twin flame?? soulmate???? the love of my life??? LIKE STOP i was literally kicking my feet reading that like i read your response last night and im like gigging in my room like a maniac LOVLINESS IS SO YOU !!! like omg call me a genius because i literally was like OHHHHH IM COOKING WITH THIS when i thought of it like i typed out “hi lovely ness!” and i was like hold on… LOVLINESS?? then i went to google and was like let me just make sure im not crazy then i read the definition and i was like yup that’s staying THATSSSS STAYING it’s my own little nickname for you now and forever <3333333333333333333333

ALSO I DO THE SAME THING !! LIKE i switch from tumblr to my notes app to write out my message because i wanna make sure i read and acknowledge and reply to every single thing you say! WE ARE SO CONNECTED BECAUSE THERES NO WAY like someone do a star reading on us(my birthday is in november and i don’t know what rising star means but ill search it up and do it)(like im gonna hire a witch from etsy to do some consultation on us or something)YES OFC ACTUALLY ILL TELL YOU ABOUT MY DAYS OKAY SO wednesday i had work and those terrible customer interactions and i don’t remember what i ate? i think i had OH i had just rice and chicken with broccoli AND I HAD MANGO ICE CREAM LOL I WAS EATING IT and i was like …. is this cannibalism? and it’s so very funny because my family actually doesn’t really like mangos like ITS JUST ME LOL which is okay because it means everything mango is dedicated for ME ITS FOR ME !!! and then at night i played some phasnophobia with my friends because i love ghost hunting at night!! on thursday i didn’t have work but i was organizing and preparing all my uni stuff because i know if i don’t do it early it won’t get done until last minute so i paid my tuition set up my schedule my notion and YEAH!! i also had mac and cheese (AND I THOUGHT OF LOVE NOTES!!!)(I MISS LOVE NOTES SO MUCH) and i also had rice and beef with green pepper!! (i actually don’t like green pepper that much…)(ACTUALLY I LIED) like i like the taste but i don’t like eating it? IDK ITS SO WEIRD I LIKE THE TASTE BUT NOT THE TEXTURE?? but yeah so i had THAT then today!! before work i just had toast and butter and i IM SORRY i haven’t eaten anything yet because i wanna write this out first but i think my mom made bun rieu downstairs so IM SUPER EXCITED TO EAT THAT LATER!!! so my days have been very very boring, back to working and DREADING IT but i always love hearing from you like it’s the best part of my day AND STOP I CONSIDER YOU A GOOD FRIEND TOO LIKE LITERALLY I WAS KICKING MY FEET WHEN YOU SAID THAT BCUZ IM LIKE OMG ME TOO !! AND I DO THE SAME THING AS YOU WHERE LIKE i read then when i feel like i need to add something i YAP YAP YAP then i continue reading the paragraph like WHY ARE WE SO TWIN FLAME SOULMATES?? i just wanna make sure i reply to everything and like i just put in my own little yap thoughts and then suddenly the ask gets longer and longer LOL (also i love sap yap season do not worry) (SAPPY YAPPERS <3) I LOVE YOU NESS UR THE SWEETEST PERSON EVERY LIKE I WILL LITERALLY BITE UR CHEEK IN THE MOST LOVING WAY POSSIBLE!!

THE CHEF THING IS SO WEIRDDDDD LIKE be normal challenge pls !! also working with your mom is so cute but i feel like it’s so weird that the chefs still like STARE AT YOU WHILE YOUR MOM IS THERE?? like do they not find that weird… THATS WEIRD TO ME I DONT KNOW next time they do something weird just say you’ll unleash your mango anon on them and i’ll come out your phone like a pokémon and protect you against them <333333333333333333

YES EXACTLY !! THE MALE MANAGER IN A FEMALE BASED CLOTHING SHOP?? what are you doing here!! no disrespect(actually full disrespect because sometimes he’s mean)like one time he kind of scolded me because i didn’t come in early for my shift to check if the fitting room was clean? like ? YOU WANT ME TO COME IN EARLY TO MAKE SURE THE FITTING ROOM IS CLEAN LIKE WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE i was literally like oh okay. (i never did it) and unfortunately the creepy men is a problem like my other coworker has a very like rare name like its very rare where her instragram username is literally just her name so she was wearing a name tag and some weirdo came up to her and showed her instagram and asked her if this was her and that was CRAZY like the manager was called and my coworker was crying and i felt sooo so so bad :( because that’s such a terrible thing to happen to you so now her name tag just had her nickname on to because it’s so bad like please go back to your families and stop being weird to literal children !! (she’s also 18 so she has the minor sticker on too) and YEAH SAYING PEOPLES NAMES AT WORK IS WEIRD !! like maybe its different for others but for me its just off putting like i personally really really don’t like it because it makes me so uncomfy when they just say my name and i’m like okayyyyy…. im gonna just ….. keep doing my job!!

AND YES!! LITERALLY LIKE i’m very much convinced that the props people just wanted to be on stage and running in and stuff or hiding in the wings because they were kind of slow i can’t lie and it was very mildy infuriating </333 AND DONT WORRY I THINK I UNDERSTAND YOUR DESCRIPTION? like my mind is slowly filling out the image when you said it so hopefully i have the right idea?? ALSO FOUR LEVELS IS CRAZY OH MY GOD and we had a sliding window too for the lights! but like we never really used them and we just had to shut them whenever we were done so people couldn’t like crawl in it guess i don’t know LOL because the big window(?) had like a glass window while the other two were open for the lights and yea(hopefully that makes sense)THE CONDOMS ON THE FLOOR I LITERALLY LIKE SPAT OUT MY DRINK(i didn’t actually but i imagined myself doing it) NO THATS SO FUNNY YOU USING IT AS FINGER GLOVES?? i actually can’t wrap my head around the condom thing LIKE ITS SO UNSERIOUS BUT FOR SOME REASON IT FITS??? like tech is so unserious and such a toxic environment it’s crazy like i remember in high school we were doing a play and one of our leads quit because her boyfriend broke up with her right and he was also on the play so SHE QUIT then her two other friends quit??? and this was literally i think 2 weeks before the show and my director was SOOOOO MAD(rightfully so!) like thankfully it wasn’t huge roles so we had some paying playing two parts which kind of sucked for them because the costume changing plus having to learn all those lines in 2 weeks(yeah it was terrible)AND YES THE AUDITORIUM CHAIRS WE HAD THOSE TOO!! and THE HOTBOX IS SO TRUE BECAUSE ME TOO !!! (soulmates i tell you) like everyone would vape in the little booth like it was so bad that if you looked up you would see the vape juice(?) build up and it was so gross like everytime i walked in i literally got whiplashed by the smell of like watermelon or blue raspberry or SOME FLAVOR OF VAPE I DONT KNOW BUT THE MOLD???? I WOULD CRY no like actually let me tell you at my high school there was A MICE IN THE FOODS CLASSROOM LIKE no that place is not clean ill tell you, im so thankful everyday that i made it pass highschool because that place was definitely not sanitary !!

teaching tech is so so real because like at my high school at least there was a tech theatre class where you did learn how to do stuff THEN you could participate in shows right so tell me why there were people who DIDNT KNOW WHAT THEY WERE DOING??? LIKE WHY AM I TEACHING YOU WHEN YOURE SUPPOSED TO LEARN?? and idk if i’m impatient but i literally get so mad when they don’t get it after i’ve explained it more than once like i cannot be gentle parenting this and having positive reinforcements i’m afraid like i fear you guys are on your own AND YES LIGHTS AND SOUND IS VERY VERY INTIMATING BECAUSE OF THAT!! like if you make a mistake EVERYONE knows and then everyone has to wait for you to do it properly before continuing on and it’s so humiliating like because everyone looks at the booth when it’s the wrong setup and i’m like oh my god i’m gonna sweat my balls off like i’m so so sorry AND THE DIRECTOR CALL OUT !! NESS I GET IT !! like ur the only one who would get my tech stories because none of my friends did tech and how do i explain my rage when THEY DONT GET IT BUT I GET YOU AND YOU GET ME LIKE(the deep rooted tech rage is so real)(but i can’t help but miss tech because there WERE good moments and i did like my role) I GET THE FIRST WEEK THING OH MY GOD because like i need to see the scenes too right like and it’s just messy trying to work around everyone and like recognize the scenes???(if that makes sense)like i need to see the play and see where to do everything first before doing it and it’s so so stressful the first week so i totally get it!

ALSO YES LETS QUIT OUR JOBS AND START A PODCAST LIKE i will namedrop these people so hard like “oh my to that one actor that quit mid production i hope YAP YAP YAP YAP” and the shameless plug like “oh !!! if any theatre needs a light and sound duo please send in an email!!! we would love to !!!!!”

AND I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR ALL YOUR TECH STORIES SO DONT WORRY!! ALSO??? the director calling YOU IN TO BE STAGE MANAGER OH MY GOD YOURE HOLDING THE FORT!!! the sketchy theatre department is so real AND YOU SUBBING FOR A CLASS?? LIKE?? DID YOU GET PAID THATS CRAZY!! just a bunch of uncoordinated high school kids in a tech department and you have to watch over them??? THATS CRAZY LIKE INSTEAD OF HAVING AN ACTUAL SUB YOUR DIRECTOR BEING LIKE “actually!! let’s get ness here!!” (it’s because you were such a good tech member he had to bring you back to show them how it was done) THATS SO CRAZY THOUGH?? no but if i had someone as amazing as you i would do the same <3333333333333 bring in the professional !!! but if my director did that i think i would cry because i cannot handle high schoolers like me fresh out of high school saying this but i CANT RUN A PLACE LIKE THAT MAN you are a brave brave soul and you’re gonna do so well managing those kids !!BUT MY JAW DROPPED. LIKE. HE WAS PULLING THR PLUG ON HIS— HIS FATHER IN LAW????? NO BCUZ MY JAW DROPPED LIKE I HAD TO REREAD THAT??? also signing away your life is literally real because when i was in tech i was literally in the theatre more than i was at work at that point like i was getting home at 9pm most days BECAUSE OF TECH ALSO DONT WORRY ABOUT BEING TIRED LOVELY LIKE PLEASE PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF OVER ANYTHING!! also the gossiping and complaining in the car for hours is SO SO REAL I DO THAT WITH MY FRIENDS TOO!! like a little debrief because they’ll drive me home right and park outside of my house and we’ll bring up the most niche things about a person and full on investigate it or like talk about just one person for HOURS RIGHT then i check the time and it’s like 9pm and i’m like oh maybe i should go home BUT THE REGINA GEORGE KIN OH MY GOD??? no because that’s crazy like ness one day i will kidnap you(consensually) in my car and we will yap for hours about tech and literally men in general because the men in your life (no offence) SOUND TERRIBLE??? LIKE DOWNRIGHT SCARY TERRIBLE LIKE OH MY GOD i’m still waiting on skater boy lore (NO PRESSURE) but like my experience with men hasn’t been so bad… most are short lived because i found the weirdest things to have icks about but like HEARING WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY IM LIKE.. I DONT KNOW HOW YOU DO IT TRULY!! i will hardcore namedrop people though because as a wise person once told me, if these men are reading haikyuu x fem reader fan fiction than they have BIGGER issues to worry about

TRUST ISSUES ARE SO REAL LIKE IDK IF SHIFTING WAS EVER REAL ? like i get lucid dreaming because sometimes that happens but SHIFTING IS CRAZY i remember being on tiktok and this one girl said she shifted during her test and got her answers like that?? I DONT KNOW i have major trust issues when it comes to shifting like i just can’t wrap my head around it AND THE JESUS CHRIST THING I LAUGHED SO HARD LIKE you can’t do it. HELLO??? typo or not that’s the funniest thing ever like ALSO IS HAVING A GOD A DISCORD THING BECAUSE I HAD A “god” IN MY SERVER TOO LIKE it wasn’t jesus but he would pop in every now and then and like make his stance then leave for 6 months and i was just like okay buddy whatever you say

ALSO MY HEART IS URS NESS UR THE SWEETEST PERSON EVER LIKE <333333333333333 also please please make sure you eat and take care of yourself !! im glad your headache is better now but make sure you eat full proper meals! ALSO U COULD FLY TO ME !!! OR ME TO U!!! i’ve actualy never been in the us so ITLL BE AN EXPERIENCE!! no but if i ever meet you i think i would be like those “meeting my long distance best friend” videos where i just tackle you to the floor and hug you for 10 whole minutes while people walk around us (and i would be shameless about it) but my life is yours my heart is yours I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND ITS SO GREAT TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN !! IM SO SORRY THIS WAS LATE TOO AHHH I TOOK A WHILE TO WRITE THIS ONE BECAUSE I WANTED TO MAKE SURE I UPDATED YOU ON MY LIFE !! but ness u are everything to me i love you very much please eat and take care of yourself!!! xoxoxoxoxo

MANGO ANON!!! HELLO HELLO <3 DO NOT WORRY AT ALL ABOUT SENDING THIS LATE!! good morning or good evening to you <3 and i'm so sorry to hear about your terrible day!! that work split sounds HORRIBLE AND SO DO YOUR CUSTOMERS!! </3 (this time i also read through your ask a little bit earlier today while i was cooking dinner before i responded!!! <3333) AAA I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU ALSO LIKE THINK TO TELL ME THINGS AS WELL!!! I LOVE THESE ASKS SO SO MUCH I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU <33 AND WE CAN BITE EACH OTHERS CHEEKS LOVINGLY!!! 🥰🥰🥰 THAT'S OUR FORM OF AFFECTION <33

and def don't be sorry for sending this late again!! and if you're busy definitely do not stress abount sending anything at all!! as long as you're taking care of yourself i'm happy <33 BUT I'VE ALSO BEEN SO TIRED LATELY!! (it's work + school) and in MY humble opinion the way they're scheduling you for these whack/full shifts instead of four hours sounds like it could be a lot to handle on top of uni!! and ofc you can ask for like less hours or whatever or....u could quit and come work with me!! or ofc you can look into other jobs that you might enjoy more/be easier and such <3 YOUR STORE MANAGER QUITTING IS CRAZY?? LIKE THE TIMING ON THAT AND ALSO THE FACT THAT IT SOUNDS LIKE THEY DIDN'T YK...TELL YOU GUYS??? ALTHOUGH I FEEL LIKE THAT'S SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO TELL YOUR WORKERS???? you said store manager so like i'm guessing it's not your singular male manager BUT I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF HIM AFTER WE TALKED ABOUT HIM LAST NIGHT LMAO (maybe he saw u dissing him on a cutesy hq x fem reader smau blog and was like "UGH U GUYS ARE RIGHT WHAT AM I DOING IN THIS PROMINENTLY FEMALE CLOTHING STORE THERE IS MORE TO MY LIFE THAN JUST THIS" and quit!! :D) BUT LIKE DEF DON'T BE MOTIVATED BY ME LMAO i feel like a skeleton rn 😭😭 ik i've probably like said this before but like i was supposed to be done with this second hostess job in august BUT IT'S BEEN PROLONGED ANOTHER MONTH SO I'M JUST SO TIRED UGHEGHOERNK </333 I AM HOPING THE BEST FOR YOU THOUGH!!! AND I WILL SUPPORT YOU THROUGH ANY DECISION <3 KEEP ME UPDATED ON WHAT U DECIDE TO DO IF UR COMFORTABLE WITH IT!!!

AND AA YOUR SHIFT SOUNDS SO STRESSFUL I'M SORRY ONCE AGAIN LOVE :( (lmk if u have any requests yk!!! u will always take top/first priority over everything <3 if you're ever wanting a comfort fic for a certain character i will write it for you!!! all you have to do is say the word my love <3) AND THE SWEET LADY SOUNDS SO NICE :(( I'M GLAD SHE SAID THAT TO YOU BUT LIKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEN???? I GENUINELY CANNOT UNDERSTAND HOW THEY'RE FUNCTIONING MEMBERS OF SOCIETY AND WHY IN THE WORLD SOCIETY THINKS THEIR BETTER THAN WOMEN BC LIKE 😭😭😭 THEY'RE ALL SO PRIVILEGED AND BRAINLESS THEY CAN'T DO ANYTHING!! PLEASE!!! WE NEED TO TEACH MEN HOW TO BE HUMANS bc like no matter what!! it's definitely just a courtesy NOT to leave places a mess!! and like if these men are here trying on clothes or buying some or whatever THEY DEFINITELY HAVE JOBS SO LIKE THEY SHOULD KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE TO CLEAN UP SOMEONE'S MESS!! so i'm so sorry they were so insensitive and stupid!!! you do not deserve that disrespect at all </3 ESPECIALLY BECAUSE IT MAKES YOUR JOB MORE DIFFICULT!!! THEY NEED TO LISTEN TO YOU EPECIALLY ESPECIALLY IF YOU ASK THEM TO DO SOMETHING!! like you're the one who works there and like,,, IT IS 2024!!! WE NEED TO LEARN TO RESPECT WORKERS PLS!!!! (i am also very passionate about this bc i've also had my fair share of bad customers </33 AND YOU LITERALLY DESERVE ALL THE CARE AND NICE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD!! NOT A SINGLE MEAN PERSON LIKE TO THE PERSON WHO CANCELLED HALF THEIR ORDER AND THEN SAID YOU WERE SLOW THIS ONE IS ESPECIALLY FOR YOU: I WILL NOT LOVING BITE UR CHEEKS AND CHOMP ON UR HAIR AND TEAR IT OFF!!)(i'm glad you were able to rant to a coworker and i hope you felt a little better afterwards!! you definitely deserved a break after that <3 AND MAKE SURE TO REST AND REPLENISH YOUR BODY AFTER YOU WORK!!!)

AND AA YOU'RE SO BRAVE!! my store also sells a salmon poke bowl but i CANNOT bring myself to try it 😭😭 like i do not like raw fish that much and i just cannot imagine eating...CHUNKS OF IT YK??? SORRY FOR THE WORD CHOICE BUT LIKE IDK HOW TO SAY IT BUT I JUST CAN'T 😭I'M ALSO VERY PICKY AND I LOVE MY THREE SAFE FOODS I EAT ON REPEAT <33 BUT YES CINNAMON ALMOND BUTTER IS LIKE ONE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS EVER!! i used to buy this one brand but then they stopped making cinnamon almond butter 😭😭 BUT JUST RECENTLY ANOTHER GROCCERY STORE STARTED SELLING THEIR OWN BRAND OF CINNAMON ALMOND BUTTER AND I'VE BEEN SUPER HAPPY!!! IT'S DEF HARD TO FIND THOUGH I'M HONORED YOU EVEN LOOKED FOR IT!! AND MANGO ANON I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW IMPORTANT YOU ARE TO ME AA <33 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! YOU HAVE DEFINITELY BECOME A PART OF MY EVERYDAY LIFE AND I'M SO SO HAPPY ABOUT IT!! I LOVE ANSWERING YOUR ASKS EVERY NIGHT AND I LOVE HAVINGS THOUGHTS ABOUT WANTING TO TELLL YOU THINGS!! YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME <33

AND I'M STILL SO OBSESSED WITH THE NICKNAME YOU GAVE ME AAAA I'M SO HONORED I'M SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT RN KICKING MY FEET!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN FOR IT AA YOU'RE TOO SWEET <33

ANDDD OMG?????????? NOVEMBER BIRTHDAY????? FIRST OF ALL THAT'S COMING UP SOON YAY!! AND ALSO I HAVE NO IDEA ANYTHING ABOUT LIKE RISING MOONS AND SUNS AND BLAH BLAH BLAH 😭 i just know that based on the day i was born i'm a cancer!! AND I THINK YOU'RE MAYBE A SCORPIO?? MAYBE?? IDK WHAT DAY YOUR BIRTHDAY IS A U DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME I WAS JUST GOOGLING LIKE NOVEMBER ZODIAC AND IT'S SCORPIO 1-22 AND AND SAGITTARIUS FROM NOV. 23RD-THE REST!! but either way AAA YES WE ARE SO CONNECTED!!! (i love etsy witches <33 literally the best people ever <33)

AND HELP THE MANGO ICE CREAM CANNABILISM LMAOO 😭😭😭 I HOPE IT WAS GOOD!!! there's a song i've been listening to and there's a part about mangos and it always make me think of you!! but for some reason i cannot remember it rn 😭 i think it's a big thief or adrianne lenker song but i will def write it down next time i hear it so i can tell you what it is!!! AND YES!!! MANGO'S ARE DEDICATED TO U!! UR MY MANGO ANON <333 YOU ARE LIKE THE QUEEN OF MANGOS OR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BE!!! <3 AND AAA PHASMOPHOBIA LOOKS LIKE SO MUCH FUN!! (although i could never play it bc unfortunately i'm scared of horror games and such 😭😭) BUT I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD TIME WITH YOUR FRIENDS!! AND THURSDAY SOUNDS SO FUN AND CHILL!! FROM THE SETTING UP YOUR NOTION AND GETTING READY FOR UNI <33 best of luck!! and it sounds like you're super prepared!! <3

AAAA I MISS LOVE NOTES TOO!!! BUT MAC N CHEESE YAY <33 maybe i should make mac n cheese soon </33 BUT I NEED ATSUMU TO MAKE IT FOR ME </33 I REFUSE TO MAKE MYSELF MAC N CHEESE!! mango anon we need to meet up for a mac n cheese and (tech theatre trauma) gossip night like atsumu and love notes yn <333 MEETUP WHEN?? I'M FREE THE ENTIRE NEXT WEEK <33 BUT YES I HOPE YOU ATE AFTER WRITING THIS!! AND THAT YOUR FOOD WAS GOOD!!! BUN RIEU SOUNDS SUPER GOOD!! AND AA I THIKN YOU'RE THE SWEETEST PERSON EVER!!! I LOVE <3 HOW CONNECTED WE ARE!!! WE ARE LITERAL TWIN FLAMES AND WE BURN THE BRIGHTEST!!! WE'RE JUST SO COOL!! <33

AND NO FR like the fact that they have no shame to stare at me or whatever WHILE MY MOM IS THERE is APPALLING to me!! i'm glad you think so too bc i def agree with you 😭😭 they have most certainly failed the be normal challenge!!

AND SO HAVE THE PEOPLE THAT COME TO YOUR WORK!! BC LIKE WHO SEARCHES UP AN EMPLOYEE'S INSTAGRAM?? MOST OF ALL IF THEY'RE A MINOR???? AND THEN ALSO GOES UP TO THE PERSON TO ASK IF THIS IS THEIR INSTAGRAM?? THAT IS SO WEIRD AND UNCOMFORTABLE </33 I HOPE IF UR MALE MANAGER IS MEAN IT'S AT LEAST GOOD FOR FIGHTING OFF WEIRD CUSTOMERS!! AND I'M SORRY YOU'VE HAD/WITNESSED SO MANY BAD INTERACTIONS THAT'S HORRIBLE </33 (ALSO SIDE NOTE BUT I'M SORRY IF THINGS STOP MAKING SENSE AROUND NOW OR EVEN EARLIER IDK WHY BUT LIKE U SAID THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE AIR AND I'M SUPER TIRED AND I'M LITERALLY HALF ASLEEP RN BUT I'M TRYING TO FINISH RESPONDING TO THIS ALL!! <3)

AND OMG THE WAY EVERYONES THEATRE IS ACTUALLY SO SIMILAR IS CRAZY 😭😭 like two of our four booth windows could also lock as well!! but most of the time we don't keep them fully locked so that if the both door was locked we could grab a chair and jump up and climb through the booth window LMAOO IT'S NOT PRETTY 😭 ALTHOUGH I GUESS THE BLACK MOLD WAS A MY SCHOOL ONLY THING </33 BUT YES THERE WAS THAT AND THE CONDOM ON MY HAND 😭😭 I'M GUESSING HAVING A PLETHORA OF CONDOMS IS ALSO AN ONLY MY SCHOOL THING LMAOO BUT HELP YOUR LEAD QUITTING BC SHE BROKE UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND?? my freshman year we did this one play that i guess was like so boring or hard for our actors we lost like quiet a few of them and so we ended up having maybe like six people 😭 who all had to play multiple rolls and had a lot of quick changes it was crazy!!! but that was probably still one of my favorite shows i ever did <3 (one again not proofreading and slowly falling asleep so sorry for any typos/mistakes!!!)

BUT THAT'S SO INTERESTING THAT YOU HAVE TO TAKE A TECH CLASS BEOFRE PARTICIPATING IN SHOWS!! like that's actually such a good ide a but also i don't think i'd have the patient to deal with so many actors in my type of setting if that makes snese. yk?? AND NO I DIDN'T GET PAID FOR HELPING OUT 😭 THERE WAS AN ACTUAL SUB THERE TO LIKE ACTUALLY BE RESPONSIBLE IF SOMETHING HAPPENED BUT I WAS THERE TO ACTUALLY LEAD THE CLASS UGHGHHHHH </3 but!! it was worth it tbh bc i've adopted a really sweet sophomore, she's so so kind and like her and her group partner were too scared to actual drill or use a table saw and they're literally my favorites so i was like "ik technically i shouldn't be doing everything for u guys but....if ur not comfortabel doing this u can just watch me again!! and then practice later <3) BC I ALSO HATE HAVING TO SHOW/EXPLAIN TO SOMEONE HOW TO DO SOMETHIG MULTIPLE TIMES like,,, this regina george guy i was talking about...idk how much you know about lights but i was trying SO hard to explain "parking the lights" to him and IDK for me it makes a ton of sense like IT'S PURPOSE/ACTION IS IN THE NAME BUT THIS MAN COULD NOT UNDERSTAND IT AND IT DROVE ME CRAZY!!) but lmao it's funny u bring up gentle parenting bc while i was talking to this kid i adopted <3 i was talking to her and trying to convert her into a lights kid (from PROPS AND RUN BARF!!!! I'M SAVING HER LIFE RN <3) and i was like "if you're interested in learning lights!! it'd be best to do it now like especially during this upcoming musical when i'll be around bc the kid that's taken over for me (that one that tried to steal my job) can be a little mean </3 but for me not to sound egotistic or anything but i'm definitely more of a gentle parenter <3" and this girl was like "yeah i can tell" LMAOOO WHICH WAS DEFINITELY A ???????? SHOTS FIRED?????????? HELLO???????? NESS CANNOT GET UP SHE IS DOWN FOR THE COUNT!! moment BUT IT WAS SO FUNNY TOO LMAO I LOVE HER I LOVE THIS KID I ADOPTED <33 and she makes it worth it!! i'll probably lurk around and help if i can for that class bc i love her and want to teach her <3 and i don't mind not getting paid bc it is lowk fun!! like i'm doing all the fun parts about tech but don't have to deal with the drama of actual shows and everything <333 so we'll see how it goes!!! i finally understand the person i took lights over from bc she also always like visited the theatre after she graduated and would help me out sometimes and i get it now,, bc like i want to come back for this kid i adopted <33 SO IDK I GUESS THAT'S WHERE I AM NOW!! AND THAT WAS MAINLY MY ENTIRE DAY <3 NOT MUCH MORE HAPPENED!! I WAS JUST WORKING ON TONICS THE WHOLE DAY <3

BUT I LOVED YOUR LITTLE PODCAST DIALOGUE LMAOO "to the actor that quit mid production..." I'M FOLLOWING THAT UP WITH "to the dear run and props head of my old theatre who relates to regina george.....I HOPE YOU YAP YAP YAP!!"

AND AAA OMG PLEASE (sorry just realized i think i went a lil out of order bc i talked about me teaching these high schoolers BEFORE talking about the podcast but i think me mentioning this will make it more confusing so NVM!!! BUT JUST KNOW LMAOO I HEARD SOME LIKE JUNIOR OR SENIOR THIS YEAR WAS GETTING BULLIED BY THE FRESHMEN DURING ONE OF THE TECH CLASS PERIODS BC ALL THE FRESHMEN WERE LIKE "are you okay??" and this junior would be like "....yes..? why???" and they were like "your eyebags are REALLY bad" WHICH IS FOUL WHY WOULD THEY SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT THEY'RE SO MEAN 😭😭😭) BUT ANYWAY YES PLEASE KIDNAP ME!! I GIVE YOU FULL CONSENT AT ANY TIME OF THE DAY TO ANYWHERE WHATEVER U WANT FOREVER MANGO ANON <33 MY LIFE AND EVERYTHING I OWN IS YOURS!! <33 AND PLS I WAS THINKING ABOUT THAT HORRIBLE SKATER BOY TRAUMA TODAY I WILL DEF TELL YOU!! I THINK NEXT TIME BC I FEEL BAD I'M HALF ASLEEP AND HAVE HAD TO FIX SO MANY TYPOS ALREADY SO I WILL TELL U TOMORROW WHEN I AM MORE AWAKE IF THAT'S OKAY!!! but yes i've had such bad experiences with men in my life 😭😭 i'm not sure why they all suck so much !!!! but!!!! they do!!!! </3 where is my irl sunarin!!!! BUT I'M GLAD THE BEING IN A CAR GOSSIPING FOR HOURS IS A UNIVERSAL EXPERIENCE FOR YOU TOO!!! IT'S JUST OUR SIGN THAT WE SHOULD BE DOING THAT TOGETHER!!!!

SOMEONE SHIFTED DURING THEIR TEST AND GOT ANSWERS??????? BRO THAT CANNOT BE REAL 😭😭😭😭 i remember sometimes i'd see comments that would ruin the magic and they'd clarify "i'm talking as if i've shifted before to manifest and believe in it!" if that makes sense and so it made me have serious trust issues that like maybe everyone was just basically manifesting what they wanted to happen so they were just gaslighting everyone BUT IDK 😭 THAT SHIFTING DISCORD SERVER I WAS IN WAS CRAZY LIKE I THINK WE HAD MULTIPLE "god"s pop in i remember this one time we had this person come in and we were ALL fighting them on their very wrong opinions and I HAVE A SCREENSHOT OF IT SOMEWHERE AND I'M GOING TO "NAMEDROP" USERS BC I THINK IT'S OKAY BUT LIKE HERE WE GO I'M WRITING IT AS DIALOGUE:

person acting like god or whatever: there, i pulled sleepy out of this reality and they shifted

sleepy: nah i'm still here

I REMEMBER THAT SO CLEARLY BC IT WAS SO FUNNY TO ME LMAOO SO LIKE I THINK THIS GOD PERSON WAS CLAIMING TO BE ABLE TO MAKE PEOPLE SHIFT BUT THIS USER NAMED SLEEPY FULLY JUST WAS NOT HAVING IT LMAOO and i'm still on the server and just looked in the general chat and let's just say... it's mainly dead and the only people left who talk there....are interesting....

BUT AAA MANGO ANON MY LIFE IS YOURS!!! WE'D BOTH RUN TO EACH OTHER AND TACKLE EACH OTHER AND IDK HOW PHYSICS OR GRAVITY WORKS SO IDK WHO WOULD ACTUALLY FALL ON TOP OF WHO BUT JUST KNOW I'D BE RUNNING TOWARDS U WITH JUST AS MUCH EXCITEMENT AND LOVE!!!! I WOULD ALSO LOVE TO COME FLY TO U <3 AND I CAN BE UR SCARY GUARD DOG AT WORK!!!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MANGO ANON <3 MY HEART IS YOURS!!! HAVE A LOVELY LOVELY DAY AND DO NOT WORRY!! i'm hoping to actually make a dinner on probably monday or so!! bc i didn't get scheduled for work like the entire weekday of next week 😭 so i'll try and take advantage of the time off and finally get my life together!! I WILL UPDATE YOU ON HOW THAT GOES AND THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS CHECKING IN AND MOTIVATING ME TO EAT AND TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!! PLEASE DO THE SAME OR I'LL HAVE TO COME FLY THERE RN THIS INSTANCE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU FOR YOU AND BE YOUR HOUSEWIFE!!! (which would be soooooo bad!! like i totally do not!!!!!! want to do that!! nope!! not at all!!! totally not!! i'm obviously sarcastic rn!!) BUT I AM DEFINITELY HIGH OFF MY HALF ASLEEP MELATONIN BRAIN RN SO I WILL BE GOING TO BED!! I'M SORRY FOR ANY SPELLING OR GRAMMAR MISTAKES I FELL ASLEEP TWICE WRITING THIS UNFORTUNATELY 😭 SO I'M ALSO SORRY IF I SKIPPED EVERYTHING BUT I LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH MANGO ANON!! IT WAS SO GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU AND PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! ILY ILY ILY <3 GOODNIGHT!!!

#answers <3 #mango anon <3

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so-litudinal · 3 months ago

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i miss it here, kinda

main two reasons i haven't been around are 1) my phone died a few weeks ago and 2) my only consistant thought these days(?) is that i wanna disappear, as in i don't wanna/can't live, and i feel bad about only posting depressing, suicidal stuff (which is ridiculous, since i created this blog over 10 years ago as an online personal diary — but i guess shame follows me anywhere i go).

my phone had been messing up for a long while, i know i should've gotten a new one at least a year ago. but it had been holding on (barely) anyway so i kept putting it off, as i do everything you know. but then one night i stupidly dropped it in the stairs. it only fell down a couple of steps and i seemed to be able to turn it back on just fine (albeit slow). but the day after it kept turning off randomly, until i couldn't turn it on anymore at all. anyway. guy at the repair shop couldn't do anything. and since i'm the worst, i hadn't backed up anything. i thought i'd lost everything, but turned out at least pictures and videos were saved to my cloud. still, i lost all my notes + audio recordings. i don't care all that much about the audios except for one i took two years ago of junko purring in my bed a few days before she died [now that i write this…i have a vague feeling i might’ve posted the audio here at the time… but i’m kinda scared to go back and look, only to be let down again]. thought/hoped i'd saved it somewhere on a hard drive with all her pictures but couldn't find it.

what i'm saddest about is losing my notes. repair shop guy said that if i’m lucky (big lol….) and if my phone was connected to a google account (??? idk, my mom told me cuz of course i didn’t go myself), i might be able to retrieve them once i got a new phone. i’m not sure if that was supposed to be about my notes being saved to a google drive or something, cuz that wasn’t the case anyway. so yeah. years and years of notes. i’m dumb, so dumb that i kinda deserved this happening to me (watch it not be a learning lesson, just like anything else). the notes i really cared about were the fanfiction drafts + artwork ideas. speaking of, sorta crazy that i’m ashamed to talk about writing fanfiction on this blog. i’ve always had this compulsory need to “split” my personality and interests across different online platforms—irl too. don’t really wanna dig into that here and now but yeah, it probably all stems from shame and deeply rooted self-contempt + fear of judgement from others, even though most of my online presence has consisted of my existing in and talking to the void. some of those notes dated all the way back to 2020. there were some that i wrote on my pc but the large majority stayed on my phone for easy access when i got random ideas in the middle of the night or in the shower. i really liked most of what i wrote, even the stuff i didn’t necessarily have the intention of finishing. took about a week to buy another phone but it’s been 2 weeks since that and i still haven’t used it. been using a tablet. i guess i get used to not having a phone cuz with the way i live, like a hermit, i don’t even have much need for a phone’s primary functionalities anyway. i don’t go out at this point and i pretty much never contact anyone anymore. but also, every time i think about those notes i’ve lost, i feel like “what’s the point?” what’s the point of a phone if i’m gonna be so dumb about it. also—and that’s even more pathetic—what’s the point of writing at all. i’ve had ideas and things i’ve wanted to write about in that time but even on the occasion that i do start (on pc), i systematically get to a point where i lose interest, or rather the motivation to continue and finish. i’m aware that this mindset is not only worryingly cynical and pessimistic but also sounds ridiculously dramatic, even to myself. but i think the reason why is because when anything even mildly inconveniencing or upsetting happens, that plays into my depression and lack of purpose/will to live, and vice versa. vicious circle and all that, you know. everything, including the positive actually, ultimately brings me back to the same point, the same conclusion—it’s not worth it, because all of it is wasted on me, whose my life isn’t worth much at all, and all of it goes away or ends up in the same dumpster of despair, nothing will last, whether i stay alive or disappear. not that i necessarily believe this way of thinking is reasonable, or even truthful—more that it doesn’t matter whether i believe in it or not, because it so strongly influences, if not dictates my perception of all things in life. so yeah, all of this over a dead phone and a bunch of lost writings, but also not really. worst thing is i haven’t even had the motivation to kick my butt and at the very least save the images and videos from my cloud onto a hard drive yet. i’m gonna regret this. …i say, as i sit back and once again consciously watch myself doing the thing that will only lead to more regret and self-hatred. heheh. queen of self-sabotage.

speaking of things that i seemingly can’t react to in an appropriate, normal human way… on the 31st of last month, the gacha i game i’ve been playing every day for the past 3.5 years was announced for eos by the end of september. i mean. there’s more than one valid reason to be upset over this, for just about any other fan. and the series it’s based on has been so, so important to me for the past 4 years (see how i intentionally don’t name it like "here is not the place for that”? yeah). but idk. the fact that i was so shell-shocked by the news and once again left with the feeling that nothing is worth getting attached to…. i know this kind of response is disproportionate. pathetic. not healthy. not normal. i’ve gotten a bit more used to the perspective since—at least for now, cuz i can very well envision going back into full woe is me mode as the date of eos gets near.

there are 2 other observations, or whatever i should call them, i can make from this reaction. 1) not being able to access something (probably even more so since it’s a form of escapism) that’s been part of my life, without missing a day since creating the account on december 31st, 2020, makes it glaringly obvious how empty and repetitive my days are and have been for an embarrassing amount of time now—the worst part being that i’ve found some sick, sick sense of comfort in it being and staying so (anything else is….terrifying and something i can’t allow myself to aim for).

2) i’ve had this vague feeling for a while but never really bothered to put it into words until recently but the more my interest about a certain thing grows, the more i’m susceptible to become unsatisfied, not with the thing itself, but with myself and the way i engage with it. very passively—like i effectively let it pass me by like i do anything else in life. i don’t usually want to admit it cuz it’s a bad character trait of mine, but i’ve kind of accepted that i find no real joy in sharing an interest with other people, engaging with them over this thing we presumably have in common. i’m the worst, so ugly for that, because it’s obviously an envy/jealousy thing. but also i tend to wanna cut myself some slack (self-indulgent?) regarding that specific thing cuz i’m pretty sure it also comes from my overall lack of social skills—which, at its root, is not my fault (severe bullying at a young, crucial age + prolonged and repeated child neglect). i know that it has now, in my adult age, become my responsibility to address and grow past those traumas and their consequences, especially assuming i still have hope for a life worth living (not taking the “do i?” factor in consideration here for the sake of this argument). my generation wasn’t exactly born with the internet but we did, at least partially, grow up with it, and it’s now such a(n unnecessarily?) huge part of our daily life, just like younger generations. i mean, talking about generations is probably pointless—what matters is that this was effectively my experience with the internet. so yeah, all that to say that i’ve had an “online presence” (not just as an occasional user of computers/the internet as mere practical, communication, sometimes educational, even more rarely entertainment tools) from my early teens, if not earlier, via blogs and now ancient forms of social media lol (msn, i’ll always have nostalgia for you—but please don’t come back). anyway. my point being… i’ve been using the internet as a hyper-social shared space for a long time, and there’s something that i’ve come to realise has been true, if not from the start, at least more and more over time, and that i’ve had, still have a hard time recognising and accepting: i can’t connect with people online any more than i can in real life. i think i wished myself to be one of those people who, however socially awkward in real life, or even downright social outcasts, managed to find a place online. i never truly could. it’s gotten worse over this past decade (the worst these past 4 to 6 years), as i progressively lost touch with the outside world and became more and more isolated. all these factors, dating long back or recent, are reflected in my ongoing online experience. with social media, “online communities” (niches, fandoms, circles, etc.) as a concept are so prevalent, and it’s hard cuz never in my life have i had the feeling that i could belong to one in real life. i grew to even regard the idea of a community as something i had no desire to partake in (i don’t know if i still feel that way but thinking so is self-preservation). i remember for example, the lgbt community is one i never quite felt i wanted to identify with, beyond my orientation being what it is, even in my adolescence, and sure, that might’ve had something to do with my own internal struggles with my identity, but in a way, it also circled back to my aversion to social groups (which is very much based in trauma and not just me being an introvert). that naturally, and unfortunately, extended into my experience with online communities of all sorts. that being said… i think that as long as i accept this as a fact about myself, even a little, it’s tolerable and not that big of a deal. if it changes over time (that would require my irl circumstances to change first and, well…), fine, i guess. but if it doesn’t… idk. It’s still a bit sad. cuz the internet is a big part of my life, one that supposedly brings me joy in various forms (the most prevalent being escapism—and i refuse to let that go, why would i hurt myself in that way).

all that to say that this gacha game closing is just one of the instances that have brought me to think more about how to engage with the things i like in a more fulfilling manner. since connecting with others is not a viable option at this point (or maybe ever), i think the only way would be to be more proactive. make or acquire something—something of my own—out of those interests. like putting more effort into writing. learning how to draw/make art. become normal and earn money to collect more merch (tie-ins) so i can be physically surrounded by things that make me happy. create the space i could never find outside, inside. i don’t care if it’s not fully enough to make up for everything i feel like i’m missing out on, because it would still be better than the loneliness and bitterness i’ve been stuck with for the longest time.

i don’t really have any definite conclusion i draw from those observations, much less a plan of action, but i just kind of went off and wrote about them anyway, i guess. there’s that.

so yeah… well, you know.

aah it’s gonna be such a chore to read over this before posting…..probably won’t (or else i might just give up on posting entirely)......nevermind, i'm doing it now lol.

rare good news is that paimon seems to be on the tail end of a very long and intense moult. last time it was that bad was when i got her and she immediately underwent the very first moult of her life. at the worst of it, last month, maybe even the month before, she was so down. so quiet and skittish. i never even had an opportunity to touch her. and as always, i was scared it might be something else, like an illness, or even a stressed-induced moult. i’ve been scared that my own irregular, unhealthy lifestyle might start to impact her. i know i don’t deserve her. at the same time, i was hesitant to take her to the vet. she can be a pretty fearful bird to begin with, so i feared that having to go through that kind of stress (the trip itself, being in an unknown place, handled by a stranger) would only make her worse. in the end, the risk of that didn’t seem worth taking cuz there was a good chance the vet would’ve just said that it was indeed just a moult and it would’ve been all that anxiety for nothing. during the time it got really bad and she was completely distant, i started to wonder if this was a glimpse into what it would be like without her here anymore. i’d already been thinking before that i would probably not want to go on after her death and this… well. it feels very real. but she’s better now. i cried when she sat on my shoulder for the first time again, and when we started playing and she tried biting my fingers or my ear. the absolute best was getting to sniff her (there is not one better smell in the world than that of a bird) + petting her until she falls asleep in my hand. I love her very much.

going back to the whole notes and writing thing… i don’t easily let myself admit to positive thoughts and feelings (fear and defeatism, i guess). still, i wanna put out there, somewhere—here being as good a place as any—that i really like writing. it’s fun (especially when it “works” lol). and it’s one of the rare things i genuinely like doing for myself, regardless of the purpose, the quality, the destination. not even talking about what comes afterwards…

it’s one of the “better,” as in tangible, ways to distract myself i can think of (goes back to what i was saying about engaging with interests in a more productive way).

at least when i’m in the middle of writing, i’m having fun.

now that i’ve started, i don’t even wanna finish this right now. i could write more, too. but then it’ll get late and i’ll be frustrated for different reasons. and if i “leave it and come back later”... well, i know there’s a good chance it’ll end up in my drafts never to see the light of day again lol. and i did want to post something on this blog specifically cuz it’s a place dear to me on the internet.

closing remarks: i’m thankful for cloud servers and birds always.

#24.8 #t

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koqabear · 2 years ago

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oshdkfj HELP? we're seriously telepathic at this point it's kind of scary... even more so because i've noticed this is Constantly happening to me and it's like, i'll tell someone we're telepathic as a joke at first, and suddenly it's not a joke anymore LMFAOO i think i'm the problem 😞 (fun fact: i'm really good at accidentally manifesting it's like midas touch but with words)

i've been well for the most part though n i hope you have too! i've just been preoccupied with school, playing the sims 4, or decorating toploaders...! i will literally do anything and everything except write; which sucks because i was really excited about this idea and i wanted to finish it by this month, but i haven't made any real progress with writing the storyline or mundane scenes so i don't think that's happening unless i suddenly get a burst of inspiration turned motivation. also, i know some people say that if you get stuck you should work on something else entirely or write a different scene, so i did both of those and here i am again... with two unfinished fics but complete ideas.

the ideas never stopping but the motivation does is actually so real and True though like omfg? i think with myself and my writing style in particular, i absolutely can't let myself get distracted, otherwise my source or motivation is entirely lost and difficult to get back again. i'll constantly get super immersed in a story, outline every last detail and write bits and pieces here and there, but actually writing/finishing and posting it seems to always end up being my problem and . idk how to fix it ?! like i have way too many story outlines in my notes that at this point i think i should just rebrand my blog and make it an idea bank for writers seeing how my own writing does Not want to see the light of day Ever

anyways, sorry i didn't really mean to talk so much about myself but i hope you find your motivation soon! you honestly have a lot more perseverance than i do when it comes to writing and getting your drafts done, so i don't doubt for a second that you'll get over this block soon and tackle all four...? fics 🙏🏼 boxer tae and loser gyu are here to stay ! – ml

We literally share one mind at this point bc it’s like we summoned each other or smth 💀

I’ve been well also! Life’s been a bit busy these past few weeks, but I’m finally getting some free time again,, hopefully this means I’ll have more time to write too

but omg I totally understand what you mean! Sometimes writers block is so intense that nothing helps, and now I’m stuck with so many more drafts it’s actually driving me insane..

And yes!! Mundane scenes are soooo hard to write!! It’s literally whats keeping me from my boxer tae and loser gyu fics, like they need to be there for character development but oh lord is it getting boring for me to write ! I’m also the same way with writing— I need to stay in one place and remain focused or else that fic is not getting touched again 😭 and if I don’t stop writing at an interesting scene it’s over for me

I usually avoid outline my stories in detail it’s insane 💀 the only one I’ve done a full outline on was OYD, and most of it was a voice recording of me incoherently throwing ideas out; after that I took the key points and wrote them down (then I added important details i needed to remember as I wrote)

I always wing my stories which is why I always have to go back and add stuff in LMAO it’s not the best method but it works most of the time…! Then when I’m about to stop a writing session I leave a vague checklist of stuff I wanna write (like scenes and stuff) and hope I touch it again </3

Making ur account an idea bank is such a mood I have so many good stories that are just gathering dust bc my inspiration is dried out 😭 I also hope you’re able to find motivation and inspiration for your stories, it’s such a frustrating feeling to have writers block and I’d love to see your stories !

#the fight to finish my stories gets harder everyday #I’m gonna go write some drabbles I got and see if that fixes anything 😭#Lord I have so many stories I can’t wait to share #but I’m literally my biggest enemy #rambles #koqabear asks #masterlist anon!

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werewolfnat · 2 years ago

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⬆✨My literal face right now while i’m making this post ✨⬆

So it’s official, i hit 2.5k i think sometime last week (woohoo 🥳), i said it in my follower celebration last year that i never thought i’d get this amount of followers but i’m saying it again now, and knowing how long i’ve been on this site (10 long damn yrs on and off) some of those followers are probably inactive at this point but yeah i just wanted to say thanks to everyone who follows me, interacts with me and loves the gifs i create as it motivates me to want to create more and learn more (even when i get annoyed about how bad the like/reblog ratio is nowadays haha)

So i’m gonna take the opportunity to thank you guys (new and old) for sticking with me through the years and through all the fandoms and my multifandom mess blog, i know this place has definitely become more stranger things centric this past year but yeah, it’s still a multifandom mess haha.

I wanna get some gif requests going and maybe some other stuff too.

So if you wanna take part send me some things:

✨ + a colour palette + character/ship/show/whatever i post about

🎨 + 2 colours + character/ship/show/whatever i post about (i know that sounds similar to the colour palette meme but it’ll be different i swear lol...)

🌵 + 2 things and make me choose between them (mix it up doesn’t have to be characters, could be outfits etc.)

⏰ + show ep/movie and i’ll blindly pick scene from them for a gifset

⚡ for some other general gif requests maybe (idk maybe you have an idea of a particular steve harrington scene you want me to add to my growing endless steve gifs - or maybe just well anything related to what i gif?)

🎵 i’ll put my Spotify on shuffle and make 5 song playlist for you

(dunno what to ask for? take a look at my last celebration/ my gifs for some insp)

Some mutual only things:

💜 and i’ll give you a compliment for your blog (i won’t lie it’ll probably end up being something generic from how bad i am at complimenting people but i’ll give it my best shot)

and for my gif/editing making mutuals

⭐ i’ll list my 3 of my fave edits of yours and why i like them

I think that’s all i had? I’m not sure i’ve been typing and re-typing this for hours now so who knows?

Gonna tag some mutuals new and old in no particular order under the cut, i know i don’t actually talk to well over half of you and i’m probably just that rando mutual you see sitting alone in the corner at parties but hey, feel free to promote or not completely up to you i’m not fussed.

@himboharringtxn @agentjemmafitzsimmons @ne8ula @mattssmurdock @spacejesusobiwan @babygirlspector @natasharomanovf @spookyharrington @alivedean @bebecas @pegsccarter @deanncastiel @nikolatexla @tomhollandd @achingly-shy @emziess @werewolfsteve @finalgalnancy @kamala-khann

i know i’ve missed people and if i didn’t tag you i’m sorry, i just never know who to tag in stuff like this

#aimz talks #aimz2.5k

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lolita-lollipop · 3 years ago

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Royal siren erasermic family? They like adopt you after you hatch from an egg bc they found you or something idk and take you back to the castle and make you their little princess or something cute and fluffy like that.

YANDERE SIREN ERASERMIC FAMILY X BABY PRINCESS READER

Shinso was just out and about, swimming through some forbidden areas he wasn’t supposed to be in, avoiding sharks, when he found an iridescent little ball under some rubble of a shipwreck, it made his gills tingle at the sweet aura that it emmited, he knew, that this creature, was something to protect. It was up until he saw something moving inside that he thought it was just some ancient treasure that would’ve died with this ship, he examined it closer, squinting his eyes, that’s when he realized, it was a Siren. A baby one at that, usually they hatched out of boring white eggs, the royal family’s were gold, but a shiny color changing white that combated the finest of jewels? Never, this little pip was special, he could feel it.

So he brought it back home, through his “balcony window”, debating wether or not he should tell his parents. As you know, he was somewhere where he was not supposed to be, and they would throw a fit. Then again, whatever this thing was, he couldn’t just keep it to himself, something was living inside it, and he wouldn’t know if something was wrong, so he has too. When he did, it came as a suprise that his parents weren’t mad, they jsut kindof stared at the orb, inhaling the addictive scent it gave off, the three huddled around it, aizawa carefully picking the Small thing up, it was only about the size of a pumpkin, extremely easy to pick up, yet he could still feel the heartbeat of a creature inside, it just had to be one of the sirenfolk , there isn’t any other explanation. He stared at it in confusion, noticing the small cracks staring to form.

Then a little hand popped through, and scared the shit out of all of them.

———

As it turned out, you were in fact a siren, a rare subtype of them, thought to have gone extinct long, long ago. The opal-looking scales that littered your arms and tail showed proof of it, this species were intensely more fragile, and weaker, that’s why they went extinct, as they couldn’t hear, and a small crabs pinch could cause major bone breaks, they were just too weak, yet so beautiful. That’s why they were coveted among the royal family. It only helped their growing obsession taht you were so cute.

It might’ve been an act of I’mpulse, but they just needed to have you as their own, of course, their word is law, so they could’ve just kept you, but they felt the need to make it official, they’d already had two pips, you’re just their third! It was simple, of course, you specific species could be born into sirenfolk families, it was just so rare that it had only happened once. You were just so cute, so fragile, just something so breakable, they just

H a d

To protect this tiny lil thing, it was instinctual to feel a protective pull over their little pups, and boy were they feeling that right now, you were special, not just any baby, but you were theirs. Their special little pup, nothing would ever lay a hand on you, ever. It had only be a few days, and word spreads through the underwater kingdom like a wave, from the servant maid who showed them how to take care of you, to the head maid, to a citizen, to the fisher, and eventually, by the end of the week, the whole kingdom was eagerly waiting to get a glimpse of their new princess.

And boy were they shocked to find out it was an opalite, the most rare of rare sirens in the world. Immediately after they had shown you to the world, sitting in a large clam as it was pulled by sharks, the citizens fell in love with you, maybe it was the fact that you were related to their beloved royals, maybe because the royal family would intensely glare at anyone who made negative comments, maybe it was the fact that a few of those people went missing, but who knows right?

You still hadn’t been able to open your eyes yet, and you won’t be able to hear them for a very long time, your hands were about the size of aizawas eye, and you looked closer to a fish than a human, as you hadn’t even developed your face yet, another plus to being the endangered species, note the sarcasm. And guess what? They found it so adorable, just their cute little baby, their little pup who can’t even protect themselves from the water around them. They just loved every part of your little body, from your tails, to your tiny little hands, to your shiny gills. It was all just so perfect- you were so perfect, and you were theirs, they were gonna protect you at all costs.

So of course they did, you were just so tiny right now, they knows practically anything could hurt you, so they opted to be around you all the time, only leaving to hunt for humans that would suffice for their tastes, drawling them in, determined because of that little smile of yours. You motivated them to do it, they were doing this for you. It have them all a sense of pride to have you feel safe with them, to rite them you. On their own terms.

Eri was constantly around you, being that she was a young one just like you, and you were her little sister! So she wanted to always be around while you made those echoing gurgling noises, or flapped your hands around in the water, she didn’t have responsibility in the kingdom yet, unless being cute is a job, so she can be with you jsut as much as she wants. Always sitting with you while you played with the floating pearls that they had arranged over your play area, watching you feel new things, holding you while you dozed off with adorable little bubbles, she always was with you.

Like now, she’s been with you all day, giving you little snacks, glaring at the guards at the door who always had their eyes on you… creeps. The sun was almost setting, and when you’re low down in the ocean it goes pitch black after a little while, and that’s when the jellyfish come out, tonight was one of the most special days out of the year in the northern oceans, the jellyfish festival, the one night a year when the rare white jellyfish would come out to say hi, leaving trails of shimmering sparkle behind them, painting the upper levels of the ocean a shiny silver. It just so happened that it occurred on your first birthday, a very small increment to sirens, as they live almost a billion years, but still a big accomplishment in their eyes. Look! Their little baby girl is turning one! How amazing!

“Do you see them hon? Look, they’re just starting to appear” Aizawa asked both you and eri calmly, swishing his hand through the salty water to pint at the new appearance of white and purple blobs, slowly flouncing their way overhead. Eri smiled up at it, her pointed teeth displayed in full view, her eyes shined at the view, not only of the huge jellyfish, but also at you, who was placed delicately in mics lap, sat up against his chest. Little bubbles escaped your mouth as you blew raspberries into the water, just making the family laugh.

“Mm-hmmm! Look! Look! How pretty! I wanna touch em! Can I touch em!” She yelled at her parents, excitedly pointing towards the jelly’s floating towards the surface, her hair floated behind her as she swished around, shinsho just chuckled, knowing that she eventually would try to touch them, and get zapped, again, like last year, and the year before, and the year before.

“No hon. Don’t do that to us again, you wanna wish your sister a happy birthday? She’s probably really exited!” Mic cheered, distracting his daughter from touching the jellyfish, yet again, meanwhile, you were happily bouncing up and down on his lap, enjoying the freedom of your arms, swishing them all over the place, grabbing the beads around your neck, jsut anything.

“But dad! Why not! It’s not like it’s hurt me or anything I’ll be fi-“ she begged, throwing her hands up in a small tempter tantrum, clearly forgetting her previous events of pain, and idiocy.

“No- nope no no, we aren’t doing this again, please honey, just please, remember last time, we had to clean up your wounds OUTSIDE-of water, you hate going to the surface remember? “

“Yeah but-“ she started speaking, but was soon cut off with a loud giggle, resonating through your lips, kindof rare for you, you hadn’t been very vocal outside of a few gurgles here and there, so it had each and every ones heads turning. That’s when they saw it, your beautiful eyes, shin sing in reflection to the jellyfish. Those beautiful little eyes of yours mesmerized all of them, a pitch black (for protection from the salt), with a shiny silver-like pupal, immediately after they opened, a burst of color filled your vision. You giggled and clapped your hands together with a small toothless smile, watching as the floaty creates went overhead, glittering with the light.

The absolutely gorgeous splash above was admired by the family form their own viewing post, the blues and whites combined to make a heavenly display. You could feel the cool sprinkles of light they emmited hitting your skin, smiling at the feeling, you splayed your hands out and flailed them against the water.

“Ohhhhhh- oh wow. Honey! Honey look! Her eyes opened! Look at taht! Aren’t you just so magical! Look at you, my little pup.” Mic smacked Aizawa over the chest multiple times, pointing at your clearly opened eyes, you just remained oblivious, staring up at all the new things around you, like.. everything! He turned you around to face him, letting you actually see his face for the first time, taking in the long yellow hair, the (also) black eyes, the ethereal face dotted with shiny yellow gills, him, you could see him!

“She’s developing smoothly, I’m glad. Awww, that’s pretty cute.” Aizawa replied to him, holding in his emotions, as soon as he met those new eyes of yours it’s like everything else disappeared, like the world itself didn’t exist, outside of him, and his fmaily. You took his breath away, or what you could call breath, so cute and innocent, such a small thing, that brings so much joy. Your little tail swished back and forth as you stared up at them happily, taking in the features of the people you’d learned to recognize by touch. Blowing raspberries out of your lips with a stream of bubbles.

“Awwwww! I’m gonna cry, she’s growing so fast! Soon she’ll be swimming in her own! In like 200 years! Too soon, way too soon. Comers baby- mm hmmm” mic spoke, knowing full well that even if he did cry, his tears would get sucked in by the ocean. He pulled you close, moving your head I’ve this shoulde is it would rest in the crook of his neck while he hugged you, eventually, the others joined in, eri practically flopping ontop (with careful regard for you of course).

They all stared at you, while you stared up at the “sky”, oblivious to their stares, to the ways they would growl at anyone who came close, to how they kept you from seeing anyone other than what they personally approve. After all, you are jsut their little pup, of course you wouldn’t notice! Their little pup… feels right to say that, it isn’t like you have any family waiting, they aren’t ever gonna come here.

And if they ever did?

Then, well, a few mermaids are going missing

———————————————————————————————————

Thanks for requesting, this was fun to write!

Have a great day today! Goodbye.

#yandere aizawa #yandere erasermic x reader #yandere erasmic #yandere erasermic #yandere erasermic family #yandere siren #yandere fantasy #yandere x child reader #yandere x reader #yandere platonic #platonic yandere #platonic obsession

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the-widow-sisters · 2 years ago

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I’m glad your back is loads better, but I’m sorry your knee isn’t!! If it’s not one thing, it’s another 😅.

As always, feel free to veto this prompt:

Keeping with the Carol theme…

Nat has always been the one that everyone gets their comfort from (and she is honestly so good at it!), and usually it’s Yelena, and sometimes Kate, that in turn comfort Nat on the rare occasion she lets them.

Nat has been there for Carol a handful of times now, so I was thinking maybe its Carol’s turn to be there for Nat! A Red Room flashback, or maybe we get a glimpse of the black widow and carol has to subdue her. Once she snaps out of it, Carol is there to comfort her. Honestly, however you wanna do it!! I’m just throwing things out there and talking way too much LOL 🤣🤣🤣

Anywho, feel better soon! 💕

A/N: Thank you so much for this amazing request! 💖💖💖 And it’s all good! My knee is actually doing better now and no pains seem to have taken its place yet 😂💕 Hopefully it’ll stay that way 😅😬

Sorry it took me a little bit to get to this! I’ve been really lacking in the way of motivation lately, and idk why. However, I have been working on some video edits that I’m thinking about posting on my YouTube channel for y’all 🥰💗 I’ve also been working on a little art 😊💕

Hopefully the motivation will come back soon, lol. I’m just in a little slump for now 💖

I hope y’all enjoy! 💕

Word Count: 1895

“Hey, Nat… What’re you doing?” Carol questioned uncertainly as she entered the gym, pausing as she took in the sight of the redhead.

Carol happened to be coming in late from a mission when she saw that the lights were on in the gym. She normally would not have questioned it, but it was in the neighborhood of two or three in the morning, so she had a few questions. Especially since she knew that no one would be there that early. Not even Steve, who religiously woke up at five every morning.

So she had come in to check, and that was when she found Natasha.

At the moment, the woman in question was very gracefully, effortlessly, and beautifully performing a very intricate ballet routine. It completely took Carol by surprise since she had never seen Natasha do ballet before, and she actually had no idea that Natasha knew anything about it. Carol definitely did not know much about the subject.

“I didn’t know you knew ballet. That’s really cool,” Carol complimented, speaking up again as she grinned at Natasha. However, her smile soon slowly fell away from her face as she realized that Natasha was remaining completely unresponsive.

“Hey… You okay?” Carol questioned as she came a little closer.

As she approached the woman carefully, she quickly realized that Natasha had a glazed sheen to her eyes, and she did not seem to be overly aware of anything happening around her. Carol immediately felt her guard coming up a bit. Something was not right at all with the redhead, and Carol was not sure what was about to happen.

“Hey, Nat…?” Carol questioned, moving nearer as she risked waving her hand near Natasha to try to get her attention. Natasha stayed quiet, not offering Carol any manner of reaction. Carol swallowed, eyeing her wordlessly.

Natasha seemed almost as if she were having some manner of breakdown. Carol was not at all experienced with dealing with this level of emotional situation unless it was she herself having the episode, but she was quick enough to realize that this must be the signs. And she was not about to let Natasha suffer through this alone. Not after everything she had helped Carol herself through.

Carol braced herself, calling upon her enhanced strength as she prepared to handle this situation the best she could.

“Natasha, hey… I’m going to put my hand on you. I know you probably can’t hear me or at least can’t respond, but I thought I’d warn you anyway, okay?” Carol told her, and Natasha remained still performing some outlandish pose.

Carol let out a breath before reaching out and closing the distance between them.

Almost immediately, Natasha’s gaze snapped to Carol’s, her entire demeanor changing as she almost bared her teeth. Carol’s eyes widened slightly, and Natasha immediately started attempting to pull her signature move on her as she pounced upward, wrapping her legs around Carol’s head as she started trying to pull her down.

If Carol had not been braced already with her strength, the move would have doubtlessly brought her to the ground. Instead, she simply grabbed Natasha, prying her legs off of her as she threw her into the floor accidentally with the force of her grip.

Natasha quickly was back on her feet again, but as soon as she made a move to attack, Carol shot her hands out, grabbing Natasha’s shoulders in her hands firmly as she met her eyes. Natasha started trying to jerk herself out from Carol’s grip, but Carol remained steadfast, fighting for a strong grip. She grabbed the back of Natasha’s neck with a hand, searching for purchase as she grappled with her.

There was a reason that Natasha was considered the slipperiest and most agile person on the team, and Carol was quickly figuring that out as she fought to keep ahold of her without hurting her with her super strength.

“Natasha, stop,” Carol breathed out between them. Natasha just glared daggers at her, obviously nowhere near back to normal as she seemed almost feral.

“It’s me. It’s Carol,” Carol tried to break through to her, and Natasha surged toward her a little, trying to push through her hands. Carol simply kept ahold of her.

“C’mon, Nat,” Carol pleaded with her, but there was absolutely no response. Instead, Natasha just lunged once again. Carol tightened her hands around her again, her mind racing as she tried to think of some way to break through.

“Gosh, I don’t know how to get through to you,” Carol uttered her thoughts aloud, her voice soft as she never removed her gaze from Natasha’s. She was aware that on one hand, it might appear like a challenge to the woman before her, but she was also hoping that maybe she could reach through to her if she looked into her eyes long enough.

She had no idea how Yelena usually pulled Natasha out of these episodes. She did not ever know the details of Natasha’s trauma-related issues, but she knew enough to know Yelena was always able to do so. She knew that even Kate was able to coax Natasha out of them usually.

She just had to find something that would pull her out of this fit and this animalistic rage. She knew that putting her hands on Natasha was definitely not helping things, but she literally had to keep ahold of her to keep her from trying to attack. She also knew that saying things to her was not going too well either. However, it seemed like her only option at the moment, unfortunately.

Carol swallowed, trying to think of some phrase or words that meant something to the both of them. Something that would bring her out of whatever memories she was locked into now.

In the midst of her thoughts, she must have loosened her grip just a little. Natasha quickly took advantage of the opening and brutally crushed her elbow into Carol’s chin. Carol’s teeth clacked painfully in her mouth, and she let out a cry, having not been braced for the hit.

Natasha immediately made a move to jump at her again and entwine herself around her, but Carol swiftly surged forward, grabbing Natasha as she got the tightest grip she had so far upon her. She grasped her wrists firmly, and she moved forward to slam the redhead into the wall. Natasha gasped hard, the breath knocked out of her, and Carol felt guilt surging through her.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Carol tried to soothe, but Natasha quickly got that wild look in her eyes again and started fighting once again to get out of her grip, grunting as she struggled to get away.

It was then that the perfect words to say just happened to hit her as she fought the woman.

“Where’s Fury?” Carol attempted, using the playful voice that she usually had when she made a point to try to sneak up on Natasha when Carol had not seen her in a while. Natasha immediately froze in her efforts to fight her.

After a long pause with no belligerence on the redhead’s part, Carol slowly started loosening her grip. Natasha took in a sharp breath, fully taking in the fact that Carol was standing there holding onto her. Natasha remained silent for a while, her eyes a bit glassy as she slowly took in the sight of Carol. Carol slipped her hands away from Natasha’s wrists in favor of moving one to her shoulder and the other just barely touching her waist in case she needed to grab her again.

“Carol,” Natasha breathed finally, recognition in her stare, and Carol almost sighed with relief.

“It’s me. It’s okay,” Carol whispered in acknowledgement, preparing to take her hands away from Natasha so that she did not overwhelm her.

However, just before she did, Natasha suddenly just collapsed into her, and Carol had to swiftly grab her to keep her from falling. Carol’s eyes widened a bit as she returned the embrace and encircled Natasha in her arms. She rested her head tentatively on Natasha’s as she hugged her back.

Natasha let out a long, shaky sigh as she gripped Carol tightly, her fingers trying to gain purchase in the fabric of Carol’s suit. Carol took in a deep breath as she remained steady and held Natasha’s slightly trembling body. The entire thing felt slightly awkward given the fact that the hard, metal star in the center of her chest-piece of her suit was pressing into Natasha unforgivingly, but Natasha did not seem to mind too much.

There was a long while of silence where Carol just alternated between rubbing her back and squeezing her a little more tightly. Natasha kept getting closer even though there was realistically no way to do so, seeking some manner of comfort that Carol had no idea how to begin giving.

“How long?” the redhead finally asked, her voice soft.

Carol was quiet for a moment, trying to understand Natasha’s question. After a moment, it quickly occurred to her that she was asking how long she had been performing ballet routines.

“I don’t know. I walked in on it about twenty, twenty-five minutes ago,” Carol answered, giving an estimate of the time. She made sure to keep her voice at the same volume as Natasha was speaking to avoid being too abrasive in the face of Natasha’s vulnerability. Natasha swallowed hard, retreating within herself as she presumably remained absorbed in her own thoughts.

“Where’s Yelena?” Natasha questioned, and Carol shrugged, starting to loosen her hold just barely.

“I guess still sleeping. I can go get her if you—”

“No,” Natasha abruptly interrupted her, and Carol quieted, waiting for Natasha to speak. Natasha’s full body weight leaned harder into Carol, but she did not budge, the weight feeling like nothing compared to the amount of power coursing through her veins.

“I don’t want her to worry,” Natasha admitted. Carol nodded in understanding. It was a sentiment that she could completely respect since she had often done the same thing with Maria. Even though it never ended up working too effectively since Maria knew her far too well. She suspected that Yelena would likely figure out about Natasha’s incident tonight, too.

Carol allowed her to remain there against her, and she stayed still, uncertain of what to do to make things better. She was more of a doer and when it came to comforting people, she wanted to fix things. She wanted to get up and go take care of whatever was hurting someone.

But when the problem was within their own mind or within themselves, however, she felt entirely powerless.

“What can I do?” Carol finally asked her, hoping that if she had a clear vision of what to do that she could help somehow.

“Just… Just be here. Please,” Natasha whispered, and Carol immediately felt her heart hurting for the other woman, the pulsating pain growing stronger as she remained there as Natasha’s rock. She squeezed her more firmly, moving her head to the side as she pressed her cheek to the top of Natasha’s head.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere,” Carol replied gently, and Natasha let out a long, deep breath, closing her eyes.

And she would definitely be there for her as long as she needed her.

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mariproducer · 2 years ago

Text

Venting about s5 bible stuff under the cut it’s gonna be disjointed I just need to let out my thoughts

absolutely no mention of chat blanc in the bible besides it being placed in the special akumatization section... ofc the bible is simply an outline so there’s a chance it could be brought up (e.g. in evolution we had no indication that young! alix was going to be forced to remain in the burrow until monarch was defeated) but i have no clue which episode it could be brought up in. and the fact that the bible has no indication of an identity reveal and the discussion of cb ... kinda needs one to begin with since it involves identities... who fuckin knows

so far there has been a contradiction with the bible where nathalie shit talks gabriel for his stupidity even though the bible says she has her own ulterior motives buttt then again this is mlb king of inconsistency soooo whos to say this mindset will stick (or the bible is to a T with the plot)

also ^ no mention of sentimonster shenanigans which is uh. hm. ok then? on one hand, it makes me feel like all this sentimonster teasing was a fuckin joke or smth, on the other hand this means the sentimonster stuff was likely squeezed in at the last minute if theres no proper mention of adrien OR felix possibly being sentimonsters (or maybe i misread? idk i looked at every instance of felix on the doc and found nothing)

speaking of felix... mostly nothing on him... which is frankly disappointing, as someone who’s always excited to see him on screen. i mean thanks for the confirmation that he’ll transform with the peacock miraculous and make one sentimonster? oh and he has a different last name ... erm ok then... he’s hardly present ANYWHERE on the script and its making me ☹️ bc he was the most interesting character we’ve gotten (Cuz he had motivations and acted out on his own volition) and boom nothing of note...

i don’t wanna hope bc i hate having expectations especially when they’re likely to be let down but grrrr i just want more felix damnit...

worried for the possible chance of ppl ripping into kagami again. the plotlines lined up for her in s5 just reek of “we need to make a character ooc to fit a specific plotline we want” and its just UGHHH kagami doesn’t deserve this! at all! i need to get her out of this show NOW

im sick and tired of andre the ice cream man and im even more sick and tired that most mar!chat episodes have to do with this guy! (and no weredad is NOT any better) like fuck this guy i hope his business goes under

tbh the lila shit and the “adrien never finds out his dad is hawkmoth” shit deserves its own goddamn post because what. the. actual. FUCK.

im still in tears (in a funny yet sad way) that they literally could not feasibly write off luk@nette in canon bc they had to ship luka off to another country for the rest of the season like LMFAO??? but also I HATE YOU?? i knew that they had him learn their identities to screw him over one way or another

the reverse LS stuff is stupid bc why the hell does adrien suddenly develop feelings for marinette like seriously WHERE THE HELL DID IT COME FROM look i get why lb -> cn even if its so hamfisted i could at least see the logic here but ADRIEN -> MARINETTE??? adr!enette HARDLY got any screentime last season and when they did it was the bare minimum and hardly compared to their scenes in prior seasons so like wtf

why the fuck is there a miracle box in antarctica WHO PLACED IT THERE LOL

Ok m done for now let’s talk about positive things bc there are some things I’m looking forward to!

Alya as Scarabella FOR THREE EPISODES! sure the premise of two of those episodes sucks balls but im happy to see scarabella in action again

im actually excited for one episode: Determination! The akumatized villain takes us back to the wax museum but this time it seems like she’ll bring to life wax statues of all the heroes so idk maybe im excited for big fights.

#ml leaks #mlb leaks #ml bible leak

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greensaplinggrace · 3 years ago

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honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...

not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..

like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.

alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???

honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.

Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.

HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.

👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!

Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".

Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.

Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.

I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.

And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.

And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?

The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.

His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).

And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.

She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.

Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.

And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.

Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.

Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.

The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.

In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.

The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.

Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.

Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.

This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.

So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.

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unalivejournal · 3 years ago

Note

u mentioned only reading kripke era fic do you have a reclist 👀👀👀and if not could you link some of ur faves cuz the stuff that gets circulated the most right now is all like late late seasons fic and kripke era is my favorite too but im having trouble finding that many fics for it or even seasons 6-10 era which im fine with also. its just that like. the last five seasons were so bad that it makes fic generally worse too because people have to jump off of just Thee stupidest plot choices no matter how good their prose skills might be. but anyway yea if u have recs that would be awesome :)

hi anon i was thinking abt making a reclist and u just gave me the perfect excuse thank u

jess adamilligan’s kripke era fic recs

from making this ive learned that i never bookmark ANYTHING. sorry all of these r like….. 10k and under. i DO read longer fic but i don’t have any kripke era longfics bookmarked & tbh i prefer short oneshots

season one gen

disclaimer because it’s unfortunately needed: NONE of these are w*ncest! they’re all completely tagged as gen and i did not read them with the intent of consuming ship content.

Coaster Park by fogsrollingin, 10.4k, G, gen

Coaster Park had been experiencing an unusually high frequency of technical difficulties. Dean wouldn't have pulled a shift treating nauseated, heat-stroked, or dehydrated park-goers for that if he could've helped it, but when 'technical difficulties' were accompanied by rumors of things moving and stopping on their own in front of the operators' eyes, Dean had to throw down.

No historical tragedies or disasters in the area, ectoplasm, or EMF. Dean's only lead was a battered-looking kid that'd been coming to the park every day since it'd all started.

really interesting au fic! slightly ‘it’s a terrible life’. dean winchester is a hunter/EMT and sam wesson is a college kid destined to die on a roller coaster ride.

two basic motivating forces by sahwen, 7.8k, T, gen

He can’t cry, it’s not allowed; even as a child he was hushed into silence, whether his tears were from a long car ride or a late night or a raging fever. It’s never been an option, it’s never been an available outlet, and it’s not about to start being one just because he’s having an emotional breakdown on the bathroom floor.

Sam isn't only afraid of clowns.

BIG emetophobia tw (both for graphic depictions of nausea/vomiting and for the fact that this fic is about sam suffering from emetophobia) for this one but it’s my favorite sickfic. portrays anxiety over getting sick really well and is a fascinating examination of the different ways that sam’s fear of loss of control can manifest itself. also has lovely brothers content <3

Let’s Start at the Very Beginning (Remix of Just as Easy as 123) by nwspaprtaxis, 4k, T, gen

Dean’s functionally illiterate and Sam’s determined to remedy it...

PLEASE READ THIS ONE god it’s so sweet. dean never learned how to read properly due to his nomadic childhood and sam teaches him how.

dean/cas

Broadway Musical by Griftings, 9k, M, m/m

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle.

The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at.

Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.

somewhat of a fandom classic and the humor holds up wonderfully. a very silly fic completed with commentary from angel radio throughout the entire thing.

Sappiest Season by dollsome, 2.7k, G, m/m

In which Dean and Cas have to stop an evil Christmas tree (like you do), and it requires a little fake couple action.

hilarious little s5ish fic. one of the first i read when getting back into spn. i don’t want to spoil anything but this is my favorite pick me up and i still giggle randomly whenever i think about it

The (Mostly Accidental) Courtship of Dean Winchester by tuesday

Angelic marriage rites were never intended to go quite like this.

another fandom classic. ik this one is recced a lot but how could i NOT include it. dean and cas get married (mostly by accident) and they’re huge cunts about it

the one thing in the galaxy god didn't have his eyes on by prufrock, 2.4k, T, gen + m/m

“Wait,” Dean says. “Let me get this right. You can fly, right—you can teleport—but you can’t drive a car?”

or, after the events of S5E03 "Free to Be You and Me," Dean teaches Cas to drive. Cas finds it stressful

im always a sucker for a good ftbyam fic. also i can’t drive so. resonation

So Says The Sword by komodobits, 85k, E, m/m

The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’

Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected.

NO introduction neede. i think everyone on spntumblr has read this already but still. if you haven’t then i am demanding that you read it NOW. tbh i’m just adding this one so that i have at least one long fic here 😭

the weight by @myaimistrue, 3.5k, T, gen + m/m

“Do you…” Bobby sighs. “Listen, Dean, do you have something you wanna tell me?”

It’s the conversational equivalent of being punched in the stomach.

Or, Dean works through some things with Bobby's help.

WHEN I SAW THE USERNAME I GASPED I HAD NO IDEA THIS WAS U. anyway i Love coming out fics idk why i just do. the world is ending and dean comes out to bobby

canticles by 2street2car, 10.3k, T, m/m

“But you know something? If I couldn’t get you laid, at least I gave you a good first date.”

feat: footsies at a Ruby Tuesday, stargazing, the recreation of an iconic "Dirty Dancing" scene (no, not that one—the other one), and practicing for When You're With A Girl.

another ftbyam fic that skepticalfrog (i believe?) recommended a while back. made me feel at least 28 new emotions

Epilogue by JayneL, 28k, E, m/m

Bobby is here, swearing somewhere above and behind him; and Dean is here, talking about 2014 like it's a foreign country; and Sam is here, and is not Lucifer. Which means-- Bobby is here, swearing somewhere above and behind him; and Dean is here, talking about 2014 like it's a foreign country; and Sam is here, and is not Lucifer. Which means--

Cas is no longer when he was. Lucifer sent him back.

Coda to 'The End'.

2014 cas gets sent back to 2009, feelings ensue etc. i don’t remember all the details of this one bc it’s been a while but it’s really good

bonus

currently reading

Fragile As We Lie by perilously, 11k, E, f/f

Dragging Bela Talbot out of perdition isn't so much a decision as it is a frantic choice based on gut instinct. Her soul is bright, if fractured, and Anna yearns to do good again after the perversion of free will that immediately preceded her death.

Bela's no ordinary human, though; she's prickly and damaged and beautiful, and Anna doesn't want to leave her side. So maybe they can figure out how to navigate post-resurrection, post-Apocalypse-that-wasn't Earth together.

#sorry i took a few days to answer this haha #asks #anon #fic recs

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bts-reveries · 3 years ago

Text

expect the unexpected |15

The Kim family had just finished dinner and were having family time in the living room!

Minseok played with his siblings on the coffee table. He was teaching his younger brother and sister how to share their toys as they often fought with each other. The two youngest’s personalities often clashed as Soojin and Haneul were both chaotic in their own ways.

“Soojinie,” Minseok calls, he notices that his brother was pouting next to his sister. “Let Haneul borrow that.” He points to the car Soojin was playing with. “You’ve been holding onto that this whole time, Haneul’s been wanting to play with it too.”

“But it’s mine,” Soojin says, holding it close to her chest.

“I know, but Haneul just wants to play with it. It will still be yours,” Minseok says, holding his arm out for the toy. Soojin hesitates, but gives it to him anyway.

“Here Han-Han,” Minseok says, acting cute when he gives the toy to Haneul. He only calls Haneul that when Haneul’s sad.

Haneul immediately lights up when the toy car is given to him.

“Thanks hyungie~”

“At least we raised one nice one,” Jin says, watching his three kids. The two of you were sitting on the couch. Well, you were sitting on the couch. Jin was laying down, facing up, with his feet on the arm of the couch and his head on your lap.

He turns his head to look up at you, snuggling his head on your lap.

“They’re all sweet in their own way,” you respond, watching Soojin finally play with Haneul and Minseok smiling as he watches them two. “Look at them.” You gesture to the kids, watching them laugh with each other.

“Yeah, if only it was like this all the time,” Jin sighs. Nowadays, he’s been busier and has been out of the house often. When he is with the kids, they’re often in bad moods, or he’s had a stressful day. Sometimes they're all in bad moods which makes it all just stressful for one another. If only it was like this all the time. When everyone’s happy~

He turns his head to look up at you.

“Can you believe it’s almost been a month since our trip?” Jin says. Your anniversary trip was almost a month ago. Which is crazy to think. Time goes by fast doesn’t it?

The two of you have been busy, with work and with the kids. Sometimes together, sometimes individually. There’s been long nights and long days. But it’s all worth it in the end. For nights like this.

“I miss Jeju,” Jin pouts, closing his eyes. You giggle, poking his round cheeks. “I wanna go on anodo twip~~” he whines, talking in aegyo. You roll your eyes, cupping his cheeks and shaking his head from side to side.

“My baby wants to go on anodo twip?” you repeat, jutting out your bottom lip. Right when the word baby leaves your mouth, you see Haneul’s head whip towards you from your peripheral vision. You look up at him and he’s frowning.

“I’m the baby,” he says, pointing to himself. Jin turns to look at him and shakes his head.

“I’m mommy’s baby,” Jin says, turning his head toward your stomach, looking away from his kids. You look up at Haneul and you can tell that he’s mad. Minseok starts to giggle as Haneul starts walking up to his dad.

“No! Me!” Haneul yells as he stands in front of his dad. “I’m baby!” With that came a smack to Jin’s shoulder. Jin’s head whips toward him so fast and his eyes are wide.

“Did you just hit me?”

Haneul hits him again. “I’m mommy’s baby,” he says, smacking Jin’s chest.

“Stop hitting my daddy!” Soojin yells, running towards her brother. She pushes him to the side and hugs Jin. Of course this made Haneul scream.

A quiet household doesn’t last long for you five.

“Soojinah,” Jin whines, holding onto his chest. Acting as if he was so hurt. “Haneul hurt daddy.”

“See you hurt my daddy!” Soojin yells, pushing Haneul back down as he finally gets up on his feet.

“Yah--” You say, putting an arm on her shoulder. Let’s not take this too far.

“That’s my daddy too!” Haneul yells out. This whole time Minseok was just leaning over the coffee table, watching everything unfold before him.

“No he’s mine!” Soojin yells.

“No, daddy is mine,” you say, making both of them turn to you. You lean down and hug Jin’s head, pressing his cheek against yours. “And I have known daddy for longer.”

You give Jin a kiss on the cheek, he already had a cheeky smile on his face. You turn to look back up at Soojin and her lips are quivering and her eyebrows were already turned upwards.

“Soojinah--” You say, right before the floodgates have opened.

Now you had two screaming and crying children as Haneul started crying right after his sister did. You froze, looking up at your last, quiet child. You and Minseok made eye contact and he let out a little smile, making you laugh. Your laughing only made Soojin cry louder.

“Alright alright, daddy is yours, come here,” Jin says, sitting up and opening his arms. Soojin is still crying as she walks into her dad’s embrace. Jin picks her up, placing her on his lap. Soojin tucks her arms under herself, sandwiched between hers and Jin’s chest. Jin rubs her back, saying “it’s okay, no need to cry.”

“Haneul come to mommy?” You say, opening your arms as well. Haneul stands up and runs into your arms, crying into your chest.

“How’d it turn out like this?” You say to Jin, letting out a small laugh. He shrugs his shoulders, smiling at you.

You both are rubbing the two youngest’s backs, trying to calm them down.

“Look at Minseok,” Jin tells you. You look up at your oldest and see him just awkwardly looking at you two.

“What about you? Who’s your favorite?” You ask him. Clearly Soojin was more of a daddy’s girl and Haneul was more of a mommy’s boy, even though he was fighting over Jin.

“I love both of you equally,” Minseok answers. Jin nodded in approval, he said the right answer.

“Oh! But hey, Haneul looks like you’re winning him over,” you tell Jin. Haneul often liked to be trouble with his dad, as if he hated him. But of course he was always sweet with you.

“Is that true Haneul-ah?~” Jin says, lowering his head down and looking at Haneul. He’s calmed down now, both him and his sister. “Do you like daddy more now?”

Haneul looks up at Jin and looks back down, ignoring his answer.

He definitely loves his dad.

“Can you two make up now?” You say, referring to Haneul and Soojin. You and Jin pulled away from the little ones for them to sit up and look at one another.

“Make up so we can play already,” Minseok says, walking towards his siblings.

“Han-Han~” Minseok says, putting a hand on Haneul’s back. “Jinie-Jinie-Soojinie~” He says in a sing-songy voice, turning to his sister and putting a hand on her back.

Haneul slides off of you and hugs Minseok, looking up at his sister.

“Go say sorry to Haneul,” Jin tells Soojin. She frowns, sliding off of him and walking towards Minseok.

“Sorry Haneul,” she says, pulling and tugging onto Minseok’s shirt, trying to avoid eye contact.

“Haneul say sorry to noona too,” you say.

“Sorry~” He says, looking up at his sister.

“Okay~ Let’s play now,” Minseok says, patting Haneul’s back.

With that, the three turned around and began playing as if nothing had just happened. Jin sighs, going back to his previous position and laying back into your lap.

“Yeah,” he says, eyes closed and all. “I want to go back to Jeju.”

You laugh, patting his cheeks.

“We can go,” you say, his eyes opened so quickly. As if they were saying ‘really??’

You nod, “but with the kids this time.” He whines, dropping his head down and shutting his eyes. You laugh at his reaction, squishing his cheeks once again.

*ring ring*

You turn to the sound. “Is that mine?” You say. You and Jin have the same ringtones.

“I think so, my phone is in our room,” Jin responds. Eyes still closed, not budging one bit.

“Well can you get off of me so I can get it?”

Jin shakes his head no. You sigh.

“I’ll get it mommy,” Minseok says, running to your phone.

“Thanks sweetie,” you say, watching your oldest run and get your phone. He gives it back to you quickly and returns back to his siblings.

“Oh it’s my dad,” you say, answering the call.

“Hello?” You say. “Dad, is everything okay?” Your eyes widen as he explains the unexpected call. You didn’t have much to say but ‘Yes-- What?-- When?-- Wait-- Why?-- Tomorrow?-- Okay.. I’ll be there.’

You ended the call after what seemed like forever.

It was mostly you listening while your dad talked. Jin looks up at you, he couldn’t hear much of the conversation.

“What did he say?” he asks.

“My mom’s sick,” you say, feeling uneasy. “I have to leave tomorrow.”

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

expect the unexpected

♡ part fifteen: im baby ♡

pairings: ceo, dad!jin x interior designer, mom!reader

a/n: okay i feel like i’ve been saying this, but nOw we’re getting somewhere

also, i know i haven’t been constant as i used to be and that’s more of a part of me not being in the mood to post much, which is also on the fact that i don’t think much people (at least compared to the previous member’s au), are reading this one? i have new readers everyday for the other au’s and although a lot of people love this series and were anticipating this au, this has been the au with the least feedback/readers which make me wonder if it’s boring or what haha ahh.. i don’t want to be that person who’s looking for likes or anything but in the bts tumblr fanfic community idk if everyone’s aware of this, but jin’s au tend to be the ones with the least amount of readers etc. which is why there isn’t much fics on him, a lot of writers gets unmotivated to write for him when they know it doesn’t get as much as tae’s and jungkook’s. and im starting to feel that way, just because for previous au’s i’d constantly post because i’d always get feedback on every update and it motivates me to write more but this au has been the driest au ever lol which is sad because a lot of people were asking to be added to the taglist and i have no idea what happened to them now but i just hope everyone’s okay! i know none of us are obligated to be on top of reading updates but i just wanted to say how i felt. the only thing keeping me going on this au is jin. haha, as silly as that sounds, i don’t want more au’s on him to discontinue because of things like this. im ot7, this whole au is for all of the members so i hope my followers and fellow tmbmil fam continue to read till the end because i did had something planned for the ending, which might just not happen depending on how this au ends. but also the others that keep me going is my sister, a fellow jin bias, and the handful of readers who comment on my updates haha but yeah, this is just how im feeling. i don’t want anyone to think im just not in the mood to do this thing anymore. i really did enjoy this

this was an unexpectedly long a/n, im sure only a few will read this actually, but to those 3 or 5 people who see this, i hope you have a lovely day/night! thank you for reading this, you have my love 💜

taglist: @silentlyimpractical @jillianmarie @waddlebby @cecedrake2217 @ddofa @samros95 @sope-and-shine @joonjoonsmiles @codeinebelle @aianloveseven @Chamchamcham @princessjazzyjazz @notvantaes @casspirit0705 @ramyagovindraj @brinnalaine @ephyra1230 @betysotelo18 @thoughtfultaledreamer @salty-for-suga @cosmicdaylight @dreamcatcherjiah @kookoo-kachoo @justinetingball @josierosie @jayhope88 @butterflylion @hobiismyhopeu @momma-said-that-it-was-oke @shinyplaidbagellamp @catspancake @somewhereofftheglobe @strawberryforever25 @rjsmochii @prdshobi @beeeb05 @eatjeanjin @taekookcaneatme @Cheeely14 @kookietsukkie @anpanman-sonyeondan @glitteringcoffeefreak @chocobetterknot @alpaca1612 @ohmy-fandoms @liljooniecutie @Jikachoo @preciouschimine @fan-ati--c @Joondala @httpmuffin @dammit-jjk @jikooksgirl19

TAGLIST IS CLOSED!

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