#idk why i did this. i'm shit at researching stuff lmao

[vacantgodling]

CURRENT BETWIXT THUMB AND FOREFINGER (AKA 19TH CENTURY TWILIGHT ADAPTATION THAT CRASHED INTO GOTH LIT SOMEWHERE) RESEARCH AND PLANNING and generally my chaotic thought process lmao.

sponsored by: @sarahlizziewrites & @ink-flavored

tl;dr: all of this is still subject to change bc i'm still planning a lot of this stuff out. however, i want to post what i have so far bc how i plan things is kinda intriguing to me and i wanna talk about something but bc i'm not Writing Prose atm this is all i got.

transposed under the cut but i wanted to showcase what the actual doc looks like :p

WIP NAME ⟶ BETWIXT THUMB AND FOREFINGER

(the hell) betwit thumb and forefinger — the time between solstice and equinox

with the secondary title that almost implies that the story is taking place over a short time period between solstice and equinox — which is a 90 day period, so about 3 months?

idk if i have to keep that in the title, but perhaps the title is a reference to how short a time this is in the grand scheme of things, especially in the life of an immortal creature, but for biscella this is a lifetime. going through every stage of grief and sommemore shit. so i think i’ll call it betwixt thumb and forefinger (BTAF)

some kind of celestial name (twilight/new moon/eclipse/breaking dawn) ⟶ something in this realm to tie back to twilight’s inspo’s somehow but idk if i wanna give that bitch the luxury

dark adaptation — the eyes’s transition to night vision

equinox / solstice

retrograde 

betwixt retrograde and amnesia LMAO

betwixt equinox and solstice

i need to decide what year i want this story to take place in cuz that’s gonna hinge everything.

History of the Netherlands - Wikipedia

peninsular war was 1807-1814. sjaak did not see the end of this conflict as he was turned into a werewolf by a fellow soldier “gust” (why, idk yet).

joined the french army (netherlands and french were allies during this time the batavain-french alliance™) and fought in the battle of zaragoza (1808) ; was injured and near death when he was found by gust a gravewalker. there’s been a rumor going around during the battle that people have seen corpses up and walk away from the battle and their wounds and its because gust (and others) have been turning them into werewolves for some greater purpose. — sjaak becomes one of these when he leaves.

if i assume that for all intents and purposes sjaak is 18 when he finally leaves the netherlands and joins the spanish FRENCH army, then maybe he’s 20 when he’s turned into a werewolf. so… 20 during 1808.

born: 1788 in the netherlands — black mother who was a slave but then brought to the netherlands and subsequently freed. father was the master of the home she worked at.

biscella is younger than sjaak and i want her to be a naive 18 during 1808—perhaps this happens during 1808? but then we would have the war to contend with going on unless it was removed from the battlefield somewhat.

the “cullens” are located in castillo-nuevo in what is now navarre spain and have cleared it out to build a castle there. that lonely castle in the middle of the wilderness is where biscella lies. the crypt is hidden among the mountainous landscape, and even though biscella was there during the funeral, another aspect of everything is eduard appearing to her in dreams/visions/as an apparition keeps her from knowing his location fully by scrambling her mind.

i want sjaak to kill that baby

“you have the face of the woman i love. but the blood of the man i hate flows thorugh you” or something. kills the damn baby and makes biscella’s death worthless in some ways

“she would’ve wanted you to live. she would’ve wanted me to show you the ways of the world and the sun in the trees and the apples that hang low from branches. but i am a monster filled with utter darkness and hate. i will kill what she cherished, and hope that in your death, her memory will haunt me.” or something.

NAMING STRUGGLES ⟶ Spanish naming customs - Wikipedia / Category:Catalan-language surnames - Wikipedia / Names Categorized "Twilight characters" - Behind the Name

possible names for bella (romani, coming from germany into netherlands after being expelled from the country or whatever)

biscella 

mirella ⟶ variant of amaryllis (meaning to sparkle)

sibella ⟶ prophetess (variant of the name sybil)

tsarla ⟶ evening

gisela ⟶ hostage/pledge

biscella schwann

tsarla schwann

gisela schwann

sibella schwann

karl schwann + tsarla schwann >> biscella schwann >> 

surnames for eduard & the cullens™ ⟶ casavantes (the name taken from the patriarch of the family; comas is the 

CHARACTERS

biscella schwann de casavantes (bella) ⟶ follows the standards of the region + is not spanish so she just goes with the flow

karl schwann (charlie father, dead)

tsarla schwann (mother, dead)

sjaak de witte (dutch) (jacob)

luis jofre casavantes basurto (carlisle) ⟶ created via union but killed his parents so he could defect to a “vegetarian” lifestyle (aka hibernation). he forbids the usage of venom to create more of their coven, forbidding the femme vampires from autonomous reproduction essentially.

maritxell comas miranda (esme) ⟶ wife and half-sister of luis; created via union and assisted luis in killing their parents so that they could start their own coven. completely loyal to him and was defanged in an act of loyalty (aka; she can no longer make other vampires stronger as luis removed her fangs, this also keeps her from drinking blood AND solely dependent on him for protection)

i want maritxell to actually have a more prominent role than just like. a sad woe is me matriarch. i want her to be like those women who uphold the patriarchy by being misogynistic towards other women. women like her own daughters (rosita and azelie) need to know their place, and because biscella is romani, she views her as subhuman (and also just as a breeder for eduard’s seed).

i don’t want her to be like romilda in vdtrt who’s more battered wife syndrome. i think maritxell and luis are very very complicit in one another’s bullshit.

rosita casavantes i comas (rosalie) ⟶ first child of the union between luis and maritxell, defanged at birth, rosita desperately wishes to be with child (need to figure out why). she is intensely jealous of biscella despite knowing the woman will die, and torments her now that eduard has been buried in the crypt.

eduard casavantes i comas (edward) ⟶ uses ‘i’ instead of ‘y’ or ‘de’ because he’s specifically from catalina ; created via union of luis and maritxell, and despite being the middle child, is the strongest of the vampire children.

azelie picard (alice) ⟶ luis impregnated a french woman who azelie assumed the name of once she was born. she was the one who met biscella first and despite everything is protective of her. she did not approve of eduard impregnating her (lesbian undertones and may defect and help sjaak, we’ll see). does not want to be defanged.

silvano di luise (jasper) ⟶ youngest child of the coven and born of an italian woman, his surname means ‘son of luis’ (as he is). he is very conflicted on the matter of whether or not they should stay ‘vegetarian’ if they’re still going to kill human (women) anyway by impregnating them with their spawn and thinks that human men should receive the same treatment by being killed for food or made as spawns as well. its caused infighting amongst the coven.

the other question is if i should add other characters. bc i included all the twilight vampires that are Actually Interesting (sorry emmett you’re fucking boring to me) and i’m also only including the werewolves that are interesting to me… which is mostly ig sam, leah, and whats her name. 

WORLDBUILDING AND SHIT

HOW VAMPIRES WORK (biologically)

vampires are made only through human hosts; vampires with penises can impregnate women and the pregnancy will last for 2 years until the woman is fully drained of all her blood and innards, then perish, with the baby bursting out of the womb

vampires without can impregnate men or women via their venom and it will take the form of a parasite forming in their stomach. these vampires tend to be more deadly, though because of the times it is rare to have these kinds of non-producing ‘coven’ leaders. they will do so if their mate is killed, but usually they use their venom to strengthen the other vampires in their coven.

vampires that are created via the union of two vampires in coitus will have a normal “human like” pregnancy, and tend to be the most powerful of all) (ie: eduard)

unlike werewolves vampires cannot be “turned” they can only be born.

HOW WEREWOLVES WORK (turned)

werewolves are the natural enemies to vampires as they were specifically engineered hundreds of years ago to be on par with the nightwalkers’s (vampires) habits.

they cannot be born biologically; once you are turned a werewolf you are infertile.

werewolves are created via consumption of the compound moonstone, which, as its name suggests, is what people of this time assume to be rocks from the actual moon.

whether it is or isn’t is debatable. its not Really important. you eat it and you are now lycanthrope congrats

[lusthurts]

writing meme about me!

no official tag but thought maybe time to share more about myself! mostly because I want to know more about you all as well, and @sperrywink extended an invite to seblaine mutuals so I will do the same!

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

I discovered it on accident as most of us do - I was on the Glee wiki I think? There was a link to select fanfics on the ship pages at the time, and I started reading one of the Finchel ones, and it was game over for me lol - I started writing my own a while after that, and I participated in a variety of Glee RPGs that inspired me to write other characters. I was in one of those massive Glee RPGs in like 2011 on fanfiction.net, and it was very formative for me in terms of connecting with the rest of the fandom and wanting to do more of that. RPGs are also so great for exposing you to ships you never would've liked or even thought of before, although all my current ships came from elsewhere lol

oh, and there was the whole escapism from family shit that was going down at the time thing - that was a huge factor for sure

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

I've almost exclusively been writing for the Glee fandom since the beginning, although the ships I've written for have changed drastically throughout that time. I've dabbled in some other things as well depending on my special interest at the moment, but I always come back to Glee. Other fandoms I've written for include The Outsiders, Degrassi, How I Met Your Mother, 13 Reasons Why, Girl Meets World, and Skam ! none of these are published anywhere anymore though as far as I know, it's all far too embarrassing (and yes I'm aware that's the most bizarre mix of fandoms ever)

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

at least 12, I wanna say I started around 2012ish?

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

I genuinely think it's about equal, but it comes in waves. Sometimes I'm reading more, sometimes I'm writing more. I'm almost always working on something and I'm also almost always in the middle of reading a long fic.

5. What is one way you've improved as a writer?

I think I've gotten a lot better at writing comedy and ensemble dialogue. I like writing the silly goofy scenes with large friend groups a lot, especially when I feel like I've nailed the character's voices enough that I don't even need dialogue tags to know who said each line.

6. What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Ohio geography lmao - I like always have Google Maps pulled up trying to map out different locations and how far drives would be, etc. I also have researched a ton about various colleges (especially for my current WIP since these characters are actively applying for college rn) and France (never been there, constantly have to write stuff that takes place there).

7. What's your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

I genuinely do love all comments! I especially loves one that are specific/mention parts of the chapter or the fic that they enjoyed or thoughts that they had while reading. I also like chatting about the characters and canon and their predictions/hopes for the rest of the fic. The length doesn't really matter so much - I love long comments and short comments, and I try my best to respond to all of them.

8. What's the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

Idk I kinda write a lot of infidelity and toxic relationship stuff. Seblaine is the main ship I write for nowadays, and the nature of their relationship lends itself to a lot of infidelity in their process of getting together. I also just love writing angst, so even when I'm writing established relationships, they end up being sort of toxic throughout especially given the traits of both characters. I just find it more fun and probable to write a slightly toxic relationship than a 100% healthy one.

9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

PWP - I struggle so much with writing smut, although I like to think I've gotten a bit better at it recently. I'm also trying to get better at writing ensemble fics, but it's definitely a struggle for me to give each ship/character enough attention. And I'm pretty awful at world building, so anything remotely fantasy, sci fi, etc. is a huge struggle for me.

10. What is the easiest type?

slow burns! I've gotten so much better at delaying the characters from getting together for a really long time in fics and it's soooo fun. I prefer a character centric slow burn with lots of sexual tension and an arc that involves characters moving from enemies/friends/strangers to lovers over the course of many months or years.

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

I like to write outside of my own home - something about physically relocating makes me way more productive. I write a ton on planes (I travel a lot for work). I also love a good coffee shop, Panera, park, library, etc.

I write in Word and publish to AO3 - used to write in Google Docs but it's so slow and laggy so I much prefer Word. Used to publish on fanfiction.net but I will never go anywhere else now that I've transitioned to AO3, the far superior fanfic site lol

I am most productive with writing either during the day if I'm somewhere other than at home or in the middle of the night in bed - my most productive hours at home are between like midnight and 3 am

12. What is something you've been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

I recently got over my fear of PWP and published a one shot that I'm very proud of. I have many ideas for things similar that I'd like to work through in the future!!

Most of this is fandom specific though - I'm super intimidated to write for big fandoms because I've gotten so comfortable in the Glee fandom, especially writing Seblaine which has a relatively small audience in comparison. I'd love to write Marauders, but that fandom is HUGE and very intimidating because there is so much lore and fanon to mess up. I hope to give it a shot one day though!

13. What made you choose your username?

it's a song lyric! lust hurts comes from the song "Barcelona Boots" by Arlie - the lyric goes "Lust hurts, could you bear it for me?" and I thought that was very fitting for someone like me who's obsessed with romance in fiction but can't be bothered with it in my real life

any of my mutuals are welcome to participate! I'll specifically throw in a tag for @daisyishedwig @calsvoid @xonceinadream @andyandersmythe bc these are the ones that come up first when I go to tag haha

[anawrites3]

🔪❄️🎨🧩

for the ask game!! (feel free to answer as many or few as you want to <3)

Thank you for asking, love!!

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I honestly don't think I ever researched anything really weird? 😅 I remember I got really deep into flower language one time but it's not anything weird. Hmm. I wouldn't really call it weird but one time I was researching about mercy kills and so I searched for the least painful death and all that came up was suicide line number 😂 It was 2AM and I laughed so hard I almost cried because somehow I forgot about it and didn't expect that to happen lmao

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

I was thinking about sladick reincarnation au where in every life Dick dies sacrificing himself to save Slade jdksak In every life when they meet Slade suddenly remembers their last lives and he tries to do everything he can to save Dick in their current life. The last chapter would be about Slade finally succeeding in saving Dick and either they would both finally survive or Slade would be the one to die for Dick 👀

I would want to write it myself but it would be a bitch to do lmao because it would be long and angsty and complicated haha (but maybe someday?? Maybe)

So many of my friends would write it so good hmm I think @wingdingery would make an amazing job in writing it!!

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

This is so hard jfkskal what do you mean I have to choose just one haha

I'm gonna be a simp haha and I'm going to say this fanart @poiverine did for my sladick royal au because I think of it so often, especially the "Cold?" "Aren't you, my king?" "Freezing" part. I adore polv so much and I'm so happy she liked my silly au enough to make art for it and so much of it too 😭💕💕 I love how masterfully she portraied Dick and Slade's relationship in just one moment like this, with Slade being a little shit and teasing Dick like that. I love Dick's clothing in this art too because it's so beautiful and it suits Dick so much and it's straight out from my dreams 🥰🥰

As soon as I'm done with my apprentice Dick fics and the second chapter of 'succour', I finally want to go back to writing for this au too!

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

Piss kink probably 😭😭 I don't like very dark stuff as well so maybe that too. Oh and also actual incest like idk Slade and Joey ships

Link to the ask game

[kohakhearts]

7, 9, 12, and 33 for the fic writers questions!

thank you!! <3

7: any worldbuilding you're particularly proud of?

i mean, the obvious answer is asld. i put blood sweat and tears in that world, lol. but since these questions are technically about fic, i've gotta shout out sinner's serenade. i don't think making mahiru a siren was really my idea, but god it worked so well and going back and reading this fic like...i did some really cool and fun things with the world. it's so obviously removed from canon in a lot of ways, but the nods to canon work really well, and tbh the whole dynamic between guren and shinya and mahiru like...that wouldn't have worked for any other characters, lmao. like the au is just such a love letter to all the things i loved about these characters And It Shows. 16 year old me made some points!!!!

my other answer is mors tua vita mea, because let's be real - hp is RIDDEN with plot holes, and i think i did a really good job of patching those up. will the fic ever see the light of day? idk. unfortunately i don't do a lot of writing for the fandom anymore, and i didn't want to post the first fic until the first three books were finished. but i've wanted to do my own full rewrite since i was like...14, so it'd be a shame if all my hard work on that never got out tbh :') (i think i did some pretty galaxy-brained stuff to explain soul magic and horcruxes...since the small amount of explanation in canon are bad and stupid<3)

9: how do you find new fic to read?

ok i admit, i...mostly don't. i go through periods where i read a LOT, and in those periods i'm usually looking for a very specific kind of content and i will use every ounce of researching knowledge i acquired at the stupid top 30 university i attended to find it. and then i don't read anything for like, six months. i try to keep up with my friends' fics when i can, but i am very busy and a very slow reader (and on top of that, very unaware of the passage of time lmao. so if i've ever promised to read anything...just know i wasn't lying. i just might take a year ot two to get to it. i WISH that were an exaggeration lol)

thinking about it though, when i was younger and not like. a full-time student with a job and groceries to buy and rent to pay and all that shit, i generally found fics via recommendations (if the fandom was big). if the fandom was small, i'd just sift through the entire relationship or character tag until i'd read everything. wish i could go back to that tbh. i was living the life when i wasn't too exhuasted to use more than 5% of my brain at a time for leisure activities like reading fanfiction :')

12: are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

i don't know why but this is always such a hard question for me to answer??? i think it's largely because i have an awful memory but also like...i'm pretty much willing to give anything a try, idk. all i can really think of is that i used to categorically refuse to read a/b/o but now sometimes, if it's all there is...i can accept it. but it's still not really one i enjoy.

33: if you write chaptered fics, what’s your ideal chapter length to write? is it different from your ideal chapter length to read?

i am a very long-winded person in general and that definitely tracks into my writing. that being said, when i'm not like...actively trying to make them a certain length, my fic chapters tend to be around 6k-7k. which is not bad imo? that's pretty average i think? but i also firmly believe that things like chapter length are really relevant facets of style. i've written things with chapters all less than 1k words and things with chapters that are 25k words. it all depends on the story! so for that reason, i don't really have an ideal chapter length as a reader. as long as it feels well-paced for that specific story, i'm good with it.

questions for fic writers

[chiyoso]

Hiiiiiii

I just wanted to warn you about the incoming spam tomorrow. I just finished Luofu trailblazer quests and now I am all ready to binge on your HSR works 👻

I finally finished it.

I am yet to play the character story quests and world quests.

But hear me out. Is it just me or did the Luofu quests feel really really rushed? Like I felt it got the Inazuma treatment. Like before one storyline could establish itself and sink in, we were already involved in a bunch of other things and other plots. Like I felt that they had a lot of ideas but had to string it together to form a singular plot.

Idk, I feel like I liked Jarillo story better as it felt well paced but I didn’t connect with any Jarillo characters. But with Luofu, I didn’t like the story but I liked the characters (cough cough Jing Yuan and Luocha (yeah I know he’s evil)). Man I went into Luofu quest thinking I’ll be a blade simp but ended up being a Jing Yuan simp instead. I am yet to play Blade’s quest (Kafka called me to help them but it’s literally 4am rn and I am like, Blade you will have to wait)

But long story short. I am going to be binging on your fics tomorrow and I am sooooo excited 🥰🥰🥰

RAHHHH NAT AM BLUSHING SO HARD GRRR i just woke up nngh good morning

also! for your question

you're kind of right? about the luofu arc, but honestly, it became less confusing BECAUSE of the detectives, the people who theorize and the overall fanarts/theories of the fandom who made the plot make more sense

if you're confused on some parts, i would love to indulge you in what i have information gathered (e.g. main points, species, jing yuan/blade/dan heng/jingliu relationship and things about the xianzhou luofu)

but! since im also done with the inazuma storyline, i can honestly say that i get what you mean? that the hyv didn't point out and explain too much about you know... stuff (like why blade is so damn obsessed with dan heng, more shit about the stellaron hunters n etc, aeons even!) but thats why fandoms exist! i dont even research much because i dont have time, but once i stumble upon a lore/fanart/or even drabble about something related to hsr, i just piece things myself, that and im a sucker for lore so i try to really understand things!

and the kafka companion quest

i found it funny and so- idk it makes you go blush BECAUSE of kafka, i dont wanna spoil but i hope you enjoy that specific quest! because it tells details about kafka's powers + we get a proper interaction with her finally (so i got to assess her whole personality n such for headcannons, example, in my herrscher of death!reader x hsr fic!)

oh and

i imagine you are swamped with irl things, juggling/grinding hsr and genshin, so starting honkai impact 3rd... it'll be so overwhelming for you (since i am, still trying to finish events) but if YOU decide to join in the honkai impact 3rd train as well, i will gladly, GLADLY help you and guide you with whatever you need!

hi3 is like, more combative, heavy HEAVY lore and we have characters over 50,000+ years old lmao, and actually, if you're familiar with the whole imaginary tree concept in hsr, you will eventually understand why ive decided to plan a honkai impact + hsr crossover series (because hyv makes it makes sense)

and with that

CANT WAIT TO HELP YOU IN ANY WAY YOU CAN ABOUT HSR!!!

and thank you hehe, i'm still revamping the nanook fanfic + creating multiple banners for our hsr men (but look at me create banners lovingly for scaramouche lmao)

OH AND since you're a jing yuan admirer, i assume you'll love my jing yuan works; "imperfections you loathe" and "a fourth wall break from the general" which! are in my hsr menu in my pinned 😌 i'm so excited that you caught up in hsr hehe

[moni-logues]

2022 End of the Year Recap

rules : post the top 5 works you’re most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular), your top 4 current WIPs that you’re excited to release in the new year, your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year, your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year, and your number 1 favorite line you’ve written this year!

So, @amethystwritesbts tagged me in this on the old blog, but I thought this would make for a fun little transitional post, too, so I'm doing it here! I have had my [old] blog for almost exactly 53 weeks and have posted 58 fics! 🤪🤪🤪 lots to pick from lol

Top 5 works I'm most proud of

(These will all, in time, make their way here, too, but for now they are ofc readable @monimonimoon)

Marriage or Arsenic: my very first post! I'm proud of myself for starting! Proud of myself for writing and putting it out there!

Sweet Treats: I just like it!! I think it's fun! I love cute tattoo artist boyfriend Jimin!

Even Though: super spontaneous fic; decided about 11pm I wanted to write it and it was finished before 2:30am! But I'm really pleased with how it came out and it's nice to know I can produce shit if I really focus lmao

Thirteen Rounds: wrote it in one evening and then was really unhappy the following day and couldn't work out why I didn't l like it so I took my dog for a walk and figured it out. It then needed a really big, significant re-write and I did it! And then it did some serious fucking numbers lmao

A Fine Line: for obvious reasons lol. My first series! Wasn't sure I could do it! Wasn't sure anyone would like it! But I did! and they do!!

Top 4 current WIPs

The Comeback: here, have a banner! This is going to be the first fic I post here! (obviously not including AFL reposts). I hope you are looking forward to some festive angst!

Kintsugi: the long-fabled Yoongi friends-to-lovers (actually strangers-to-friends-to-lovers!). She's coming and, goddammit, I've made this bitch angsty, too. Have another banner!

Promessus: a Hobi fake dating fic that is going to require a lot of research and may not be viable if the results of that research aren't what I want! But I'm really excited about it!!!

SUPER TOP SECRET FIC: coming soon! Yoongi! A genre I've not written before! Stay tuned!!!

Three biggest improvements in my writing

I think I'm more aware of my (over-)use of adverbs now so I'm better at catching them while writing and in editing.

Writing long stuff! Actual plot! When I first started, I couldn't believe people were writing like, 5, 10, 15k fics and now I not only have one-shots that long but also a whole series! And more to come!

Deciding to only write in past tense. I kept sort of switching between past and present which meant that, even within one fic, I kept fucking up and writing in the wrong one. Sticking to one means I'm not making that mistake (as much! 😬) anymore.

Two resolutions for next year

This one is sort of already in plrogress but planning. Kintsugi is already outlined! I'm going to try to stick to the plan!

Read more -- both fics and books. I have read much less this year than I'd have liked so I really want to use this festive period to reset and start the new year with more intention and waste less of my time on my fucking phone, watching shit I don't care about on netflix etc. and actually make time for everything, which includes reading.

Favourite line I wrote this year

Remember how I said I've posted 58 fics? Yeah, I'm not going through those to pick out the best lmao. But one that I can think of off the top of my head is:

you knew you had somehow got things figured out but now, in the nauseating throes of the consequences of your own actions, it eluded you.

I'm not tagging anyone because idk who's been tagged already and I'm copping out lmao but everyone should do this, so consider yourself tagged if you are reading this!!!

[fallen-angels-go-to-hell]

College blogs pt1

it's hilarious how I'm back to Tumblring even in college. it's like I said the carousel never stops.

i need to reach the problem of why i feel this way from the roots right ? so the problem is that i haven't found my group yet. which is like okay, it's alright, i'll make friends eventually or at least form a group eventually because right now i like the idea of being a bit here bit there with everyone. ok you know what- imma bullet point this shit. because i am so done with not being able to control my life and my feelings like wtf is with that? and i need to optimise my calendar a bit more properly. And i also need to set priorities.

Academics - I am a tad bit lagging behind and i need to cover everything asap- (solution: i am thinking of like properly writing everything down and like structuring academics for a while.)

Roommate- My roommate is a very weird person, i dont get her but neither can i like hate her. its like i dont get what she's doing with life. and i think the worse part is how secretive she is. like she keeps saying "nothing" and all that all the time and it's so fucking annoying. But the thing i need to realise is that my life is separate from her life. (solution- start being secretive to her too, make your own timetable, hang with your own friends.)

Friends- My mom keeps telling me to form a group in college and well the lack of one truly does hurt. the thing is that there are so many groups but I don't exactly fit in any purely based on personal choice- I don't know hm, this one is a bit tricky- I keep telling myself that it will happen once I get into clubs, but nah I don't know. i mean there are a few groups that technically i am a part of, like pizza vodka shots, or like the same tt group, or maybe ill make friends in snooker, and then there are the guys my roomate hangs out with but i dont exactly like associating with them, oo there is the marathi gang as well, m thinking if i should stick to arnav again- ( solution - wait for it to happen?)

Shreyas- I miss him so so much, and our time tables are so so hectic and it hurts me so so much. sigh i feel like we are gonna drift or break up and i dont think ill be able to recover from that, he's my everything and i wanna marry him and have kids with him. all my dreams come true only with him. I am kinda scared about our future too sometimes because sometimes he says that he wants to get into research, and id completely support him through that i just don't know how my job and his job would sync and especially if i wanna live outside,.... sometimes i feel like, hm idk, i wish it was easier, just a little bit easier sigh.

i have an exam tomorrow and m here venting my life out and i feel literally no better than i did at the start of this post, its maybe because m sick and stuff ? idk, i should go breakfast maybe ? i dont feel like breakfasting- i just feel really sick lmao

[inscrutable-shadow]

ok thank you all but i'm not actually finished i am awake now and i have Thoughts

in particular i'm thinking about disability in ieiunusverse and how it works with vampire contracts. i added the bit about your appearance changing to what you think it should look like to reconcile vampiric regeneration with transness and freedom of expression (after a conversation with a friend about whether or not a vampire could get tattoos) and i feel like that also ties up disability in a nice little bow but i don't know if it should

ideally, changing your body to fit what you think is "right" would keep any disability a person is fine with or sees as part of their identity, and i don't think it would touch mental illness or neurodivergence at all, but it would take away anything the person sees as a burden or wishes was different by replacing it with whatever "correct" is for you

and yeah i think that would just propagate any internalized ableism but i don't really see a way around that idk

but also even if every pre-turning disability did go away, that doesn't necessarily prevent post-turning disability

it's never too late to develop a mental illness! (source: real life lol)

also just because vampires are resilient doesn't mean every wound will heal invisibly or quickly, they can regenerate as long as the heart's not destroyed but silver wounds are bad

silver disrupts the contract so that silver burns and injuries inflicted by silver blades and bullets have to heal the slow way and usually with a lot of scarring, so if you pull a new movies Charles Xavier and get a silver bullet in your spine uh... you'll be pulling a Charles Xavier i guess lol

it seems likely that vampire hunters would go for disabling shots, trying to sever tendons and ligaments, destroying joints during a chase so that even if their quarry gets away it'll be easier the next time cause that shit ain't healing

maybe they break your fangs and cap them in silver so they can't grow back, you'd need to retire from hunting at that point (if they don't just throw you out to starve)

also also contracts themselves

like every contract is different of course even though they all have the same baseline stipulations as lord umbra's (trade offer: you give me blood, i give you immortality (with catches) magic (with catches) enhanced abilities (with catch- you get it) and also your soul is irrevocably damaged kthxbai)

though there are bloodlines that are known to give stronger or weaker contracts, house tenebrae is very magically capable while house nocta is known to give essentially no or borderline useless abilities

so it's kind of like "would not having wings be a disability in a winged society" like vampire society kind of expects you to have some kind of shadow magic to hunt with and if you don't then you get shuffled off to a council estate and fed on blood farms and synthetic blood

which is why house nocta is pretty much entirely devoted to vampire biology research (development of synthetic blood and hunger suppressors, vampire medicine, that kind of stuff) cause it's mostly their people on those estates (and the other houses prefer to have weaker contracts transfer out and into house nocta so that they can keep their population rolls cleaner due to the restrictions)

but you could also have a contract that comes with a toll on your body (tighter soulstitching often comes with chronic pain, and chronokinesis and clairvoyance are known to cause serious mental and physical stress)

all this to say thinking about disabled vampires lmao

this got so long omg tagging @albatris @robinbugbanned and @painful-pooch i guess have vampire meta y'all like that right

thinking about disabled vampires

[cardboardhydrate-sentry-station]

Undertale's main characters' nationalities based on their names (headcanon)

Papyrus: The Papyrus font was created by Chris Costello, and while I can't find out where he was originally from (possibly America), his last name "Costello" is of Irish origins. So let's say Papyrus is Irish.

Sans: The Comic Sans font was created by Vincent Connare (fun fact: in font form, Papyrus is older than Sans, since the Papyrus font was created in 1982 and the Comic Sans font was at least released in 1994), who is from Massachusetts, and his last name only has roots there. Thus, Sans is American.

Undyne: Her name probably originates from "undine", a category of imaginary, water-associated beings. This originates from the alchemical writings of Paracelsus, who was from Switzerland. Therefore, Undyne is Swiss.

Toriel: The trivia section of the Undertale Fan Wiki page points out that "Toriel" is a similar name to "Turiel", a watcher angel in Judaism, Christianity and Islam -- and it makes sense her name originated from that, since she became the watcher (or caretaker) of the Ruins. Turiel was in the Book of Enoch, an ancient apocalyptic religious text. So we can say Toriel is Israeli.

Asgore: Quoted from the Fan Wiki: "His first name is an anagram of the Latin word "Aegros," which can mean troublesome, anxious, sad, difficult, or reluctant." Asgore definitely ticks at least a few of these boxes in his personality. "Aegros" is an inflection of "aeger", which has origins in the Proto-Indo-European language (which, fun fact, is abbreviated into "PIE". Asgore and Toriel were destined to be together and you cannot change my mind) which, quoted from Wikipedia (I'm too lazy to write this down lmao), "is the lingustic reconstruction of the ancient common ancestor of the Indo-European languages, the most widely spoken language family in the world." So... yeah. Asgore could be from fuckin' anywhere. So I'm just gonna base his origins off his pre-theme song, Bergentrückung, which is translated from German as "King in the Mountain". Asgore is German. This is long. Moving on.

Asriel: No point into looking into his name since it's a blend of Asgore and Toriel. The name is used in Hebrew-speaking countries, apparently, reinforcing the idea that Toriel is Israeli. EDIT: Some tags from @blastlight when they reblogged this post brought up something really interesting about Asriel's name and how it relates to my headcanon on Toriel and Asgore's nationalities even more:

So this could also reinforce the idea that Asgore is German! (In my headcanon, I mean. Lol.)

Mettaton: The fan wiki has three interpretations as to the origin of Mettaton's name, but I like this one best: ""Mettaton" is similar in pronunciation and spelling to "Metatron," the highest angel in Judeo-Islamic lore, also known as the Voice of God and Recording Angel, whose name is transliterated into Greek as MTT. This could be a reference to Shin Megami Tensei's Metatron specifically, as both have metallic appearances, have similar poses, and are very powerful late-game bosses." It all connects pretty well, and because Judeo-Islam could be the religion of some people in Greece, Mettaton could be Greek, too.

Alphys: Only thing I could find about her name was the Wiki Fan page saying it's an anagram of "Shy Pal" -- or that her name could be derived from the word "alpha" (leader), which could allude to her role as the Royal Scientist. Honestly, it feels like a rather weak idea, but it's the best we've got, so since the word "alpha" has Greek origins, I guess Alphys is Greek???? Maybe????

Frisk: The word "frisk" originated from 15th century English, so I guess it's an English name in a way? So Frisk could be from any of the English-speaking countries in the world, essentially. Idk. I'm putting my vaguest guesses last.

Chara: Obviously, Chara is probably short for "character". According to a website I found -- "Behind the Name" -- however, it is a Greek name meaning "happiness, joy" (could connote with their smile which contrasts Frisk's neutral face). So Chara is probably ALSO Greek.

[kuiinncedes]

kgfshkf

[lightns881]

AL question: is george gonna get any more powerful? i found it a bit odd that so many people could block out his telepathy despite him being a level IV psychic, and ig with dream i understand bc of ~dnf~ reasons. but so many other characters can too??? it could also just be because he's had like zero training but idk. also i just think it'd be pretty badass if george was like mega-powerful, but that'd kinda ruin the whole plot lmao. OOH ALSO [cue rant] i had always wondered: why are psychics so feared in this world???? can't most only just levitate shit and maybe slightly be able to read people's minds???? but then you mentioned something about george flying and i got confused, so i did a ton of research (bc im a nerd), specifically about telekinesis/telepathy, and i found out that THEY ARE SO FUCKING COOL????? HELLO?????? i found this like whole wiki page about telekinesis (i totally recommend you check it out it's awesome) and let me tell you, i was FLABBERGASTED. LIKE HOLY SHIT???? GEORGE COULD POTENTIALLY WARP REALITY OR BECOME FUCKING IMMORTAL IF HE WANTED TO, IS THAT NOT THE COOLEST?????? now ofc, i have no idea how powerful you're gonna make george, and this not me trying to convince you to change your story. obviously you're the author here, i'm merely just an excited reader. BUT HOLY SHIT TELEKINESIS IS NOT TO BE FUCKED WITH (and neither is george for that matter). anyways yea, i hope you enjoyed my massive rant. i usually only get this excited abt stuff when i'm blown away by its quality, so keep up that amazing work! <3

I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED ANON

The answer is a resounding: YES! It's not so much that he's going to get more powerful but that he's going to gain more control of his abilities. The whole thing about superpowers is often that even if someone might have a lot of power, it doesn't necessarily mean they can channel it. The more power you have, the harder it is to use in a stable manner. Think of it in terms of skill. More skill means you apply it to more things and in different ways—ballet at a beginners level isn't an intensive as professional ballet, etc. Type I Psychics only levitate things, and that's basically it for more Psychics. And if you think about it, you're right. They're not as dangerous as they're made out to be, but ultimately, discrimination doesn't necessarily revolve around logic. Throughout history, humans have outcasted groups of people for reasons that make no sense all solely to have a power dynamic that makes them most powerful. Essentially, it boils down to human psychology, but before I go off, I'll just let the story speak for itself because there will be a lot more of that in Elysium :] I'm a huge psychology nerd aha!

And in terms of the superhero wikia (and the many variants) which I know what you're talking about since it is where I go to for all my superpower info needs, I've been using it since I started this universe back when I was like 15 lmaooo! I LOVE IT!!! I can't say that all the powers are the same because a lot of times it boils down to adaptation. The EM universe doesn't portray as crazy as some of the powers in the wiki, but it's a great source to use when looking for inspiration on how to come up with what kind of powers you want to incorporate into the world, etc. It makes me so happy to you took the time to look into it! I am a HUGE superhero nerd! X-men, Teen Titans, MCU, Arrowverse, DCU shows—I've had hyperfixations everywhere so I just kind of bundled up all my knowledge into a Thanos-level glove to use when I can for the EM universe because it's my baby. Though if I were to compare it, I'd fall most closely related to the X-men because they dealt with a lot of discrimination-based things that to young me was FASCINATING. It's why this universe basically revolves around it since human nature has always been the most fascinating thing to me. Man, I love psychology. Anyway, sorry for the rant, you got me very excited.

Super pumped to share the first chapter of Elysium on December 24th!!! Thank you for the ask and for making me smile and giggle so hard so early in the morning haha! <3

[hirazuki]

Ooo I'm curious about your hot takes on the Inuyasha reboot after reading your tags 👀

Ahaha, where to start XD Idk if they are hot takes, but here are my thoughts in bullet point form for coherency, I couldn’t figure out how else to organize them. Under a cut, as usual, because it got lengthy... as usual :D

We are 13 episodes in, and I still have no idea wtf is going on or what the series is actually about. And yes, I’m aware that we didn’t know of Naraku’s existence or of the overarching plot until at least episode 16 of that series either and Inuyasha was still very episodic in nature at that early point too, but here’s the thing: Inuyasha did not build upon a pre-existing series. For better or for worse, Yashahime has certain expectations to live up to that the original anime didn’t, by virtue of its being a sequel. Unfair? Maybe, but tough; that’s what happens when you make a sequel. Additionally, despite us not knowing The Main Plot™ of Inuyasha until later, the basic framework for it was laid out clearly by... episode 2? I think? Find and collect the Shikon Jewel shards. Boom, done. Were there distractions or fillers? Sure, but you never got the sense that the characters simply up and forgot about the shards. Even in fillers, the shards often made some kind of appearance. With Yashahime, there’s like three potential storylines going on: 1. The most obvious: most of our main cast from the OG is missing; where are they? Apparently no one in-story cares! :D Inuyasha, who’s that lol. I’m all for a sequel focusing on the new generation with cameos of the old crew; after all, they already had their own series. But this is like... no one cares about them? No one talks about them? And the more characters go about not mentioning them, the stronger their absence is felt. Like, for instance, Kaede knows Moroha is InuKag’s daughter. Moroha grew up on her own, doesn’t know her parents. Kaede doesn’t mention them to Moroha, doesn’t even spare a passing thought about them for the audience’s benefit, Moroha doesn’t ask. Kagome’s family in the present day meet Moroha, recognize her as Kagome’s daughter and... say nothing??? Souta shows Towa Kagome and Inuyasha’s old photos, but doesn’t say a word to Moroha?! Like. It makes no sense. By people not even acknowledging their existence, it makes the fact that they are nowhere to be found even weirder. Also the new gen girls don’t care about their parents or finding out who they were/are... like, okay, it would maybe be in character for one or two of them, but all three don’t give a fuck??? 2. Kirinmaru/the rainbow pearls: Idk how familiar you are with the story, but similar deal with Naraku and the shards here. Kirinmaru is being set up as the villain, still a mysterious figure; our new gen trio is supposed to collect the rainbow pearls that... some of his henchmen have? Or he is after them? Or is that Riku? Unclear. ANYWAY the new gen girls often forget all about the pearls’ existence :D 3. Setsuna’s memories: Setsuna’s dreams have been stolen by the dream butterfly and they need to get them back, because without her dreams she has no memories and is unable to sleep. Cool! Finally a solid, easy-to-follow plot line! Except wait! Towa, who supposedly made it her goal to get Setsuna’s sleep back, forgets all about it! All the time! Like, none of them make an effort to look into this other than being like “oh yeah, know anything about the dream butterfly?” to random folks every now and then. The Inugang back in the day was putting some grad school level research towards their goals, just saying. It just feels like everything’s all wishy-washy and there’s nothing really solid tying the series together. People just remember shit exists when it’s convenient.

.

Character development is MIA. I’m not expecting ground-breaking char dev in 13 episodes (though I do know 12 episode series that were phenomenal in that regard), but like... I do expect the series to focus on building the dynamics between the main three characters. So far, the series is more focused on teasing the audience with glimpses and promises of the OG cast instead. The creators are using nostalgia and bait (esp of a certain pairing) to drive interest in the series, rather than developing the new characters as fully-fledged characters for their own sakes. 

.

Moroha is was the only thing I actually liked about the series. She is a little spitfire and you can somehow instantly see both Inuyasha and Kagome in her, while she also remains very uniquely herself; I have never seen such a successfully developed main pairing child in any series. She featured quite prominently in the first few episodes -- and unlike both her parents, she’s got a great memory and knowledge of lore -- where she balanced funny moments with badass fighting moments and being the token supernatural encyclopedia. It was great! And then... they’ve like... forgotten her. She’s been left behind so many times by the twins. She’s the butt of every joke. She’s become the type of comic relief that’s, well, insulting. More like a buffoon than anything else. And it’s basically all for the sake of giving the floor to Towa :/

.

Setsuna is okay. Not offensive, but unremarkable. She’s got her dad’s personality but like way toned down due to her different growing up circumstances, which is nice, but like... I feel she isn’t given any room to grow or breathe or anything. She’s also basically there as a device to enhance Towa’s development.

.

Towa... oy. I tried to like her, I really did, but she just doesn’t work for me. They set her up having a very Kurosaki Ichigo type deal with beating up bullies and getting into trouble at school and shit -- I’m fine with that. That’s cool. Esp if it’s linked to not feeling like she fits in bc she’s a hanyou? Awesome. Except once she travels back in time to the feudal era it’s all “Oh killing is bad you shouldn’t kill people” and “even though they attacked me I can’t possibly hurt them” and “you need to empathize and talk things out” and “friendship is magic” and shit. It feels like she had a personality transplant, it literally makes no sense. Her design is totally nonsensical too -- out of everyone at her school, she’s the only one dressed in a bright white suit? Do protags not wear the school uniform? Someone should tell Kagome lmao. She’s a pro at hand to hand, and she can absorb demons’ powers and fling them back at them like a personified Tessaiga, and she has a lightsaber sword, and she’s immune to miasma, and -- like... you get it. It’s too much. It’s way too OP for the type of universe that Inuyasha/Yashahime is set in. She’s hanyou for fuck’s sake; remember all the training Inuyasha had to go through? When he couldn’t lift his sword? When his sword attacked him? Sango, Miroku, Kagome, even Sesshomaru all had trouble with their weapons and had to work to become stronger. But Towa? Nope. Towa is straight out of the Yas Queen/Girl Boss manual, so she gets a free pass on everything.

.

UGH they are doing the VLD/bad writing thing where things happen (like, BIG THINGS) and none of the characters actually react to them. Or stuff happens and there are no consequences. No one ever talks about anything. It’s wild.

.

Everyone has amnesia!! :D People either don’t know or don’t remember anything or anyone. People who absolutely should know things all of a sudden magically don’t know them. Like, Kohaku -- traveled with an undead priestess, spent years in the company of demons, traveled with Sesshomaru... and yet had NO CLUE that Setsuna is Sesshomaru’s daughter or that she is hanyou, despite her living and working with his team of demon slayers all this time. Like... how, man. How. And Kaede! Don’t get me started. Since when does she perpetuate random demon-boogeyman type stories as facts? Demon children will kill each other in the nest so that only the strongest one will survive, therefore Setsuna must have killed Towa when they were infants. O_O What are they, sharks? Has she been hanging out with Kisame? Wtf?? And she’s speaking about Sess’s kids as though she doesn’t know him or anything about him, when she has had Rin under her roof all these years. It just makes. no. sense.

.

Things that happened in the original series are happening again now! Because that’s the best we’ve got, recycled plot elements wooo! No, but really, characters that died or things that were resolved in Inuyasha keep coming back. Why? What was the purpose of bringing back Kinka and Ginka? To have a foil for Towa and Setsuna as twins? Someone please tell Sunrise they can just create new characters. Like, it’s one thing to have call backs to the original or cameos, references, whatever. But like... this is entire (dead) characters and interactions.

.

No one knows how long it’s been since the original series ended. Fans initially heard 20 years from promo material, then “over 15″ and “10 years since” in-series regarding two different events, and now in a future episode summary we’ve gotten 18 years since Hosenki II gave Inuyasha the black pearl. But like, which black pearl? Because the one in Inuyasha’s eye doesn’t exist anymore, but Hosenki II had told Inuyasha that it would take 100 years for him to produce one. So, are we retconning that or where the fuck did it come from? Also, this doesn’t help one bit, it just confuses things even more. Back to the point, though, we have no coherent timeline or real frame of reference whatsoever, and I’m betting it’s in large part to keep the mystery of who is Sesshomaru’s wife going, as it keeps Rin’s age very vague. Everything is vague and mysterious in Yashahime, to the point where no one knows what’s going on, in fandom or in-story even. It’s kinda like how too much plot twist/shock reveal ruins a story, too much mystery does the same. It’s insane that both shippers and antis of that ship can lay equal claim that the “18 years since” announcement works in their favor.

tl;dr: Idk man, Yashahime is a clusterfuck of a series. Even if the mother of Sess’s twins is either of the characters I ship him with, I will still not like the series. There’s no saving this writing. Every episode feels like this:

[szivtalan]

8, 9, 16, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 25, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 34, 35, 36, 40, 41, 42, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 50, 53, 55, 57, 58, 59, 62, 64, 65, 70 (aside from Kagami 😂), 71, 72, 79, 82, 86, 87, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99 for the "Asks, why not" thing please? (Omg that's soo much, I'm sorry I got carried away ^^')

8) Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself)

Average height, bordering on short. Broad shoulders, thick arms and thighs, square face, slightly projecting ears (one pierced, one with a stretched lobe), bushy arched brows, thick square glasses, faded dark red hair, dark brown eyes, butt chin. I look pale and perpetually sleep deprived.

9) What do you/did you study?

I was in a teacher’s training program for English and Hungarian language and literature, and I’m planning to go back to school to study sociology!

16) What do you look for in a SO?

Consciously: understanding, fun, sweet, kind and accepting. Unconsciously: somewhat broken and in dire need of emotional help which I’m desperate to provide lmao.

19) Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?

Eh, u know, it depends? I don’t think I’m fit for a serious relationship right now, so I’d prefer casual stuff atm, but on the long run I do want a partner to share my life with.

20) What are your deal breakers?

Really obnoxious people, ignorance and bigotry I guess. And I’m not keen on someone pushing or disrespecting my boundaries, either.

21) How was your day?

It was good!! My bro, his girlfriend and my friend tagged along to get our (me and my soon-to-be sis-in-law’s) ears pierced, and then my friend and I got a loot of food. I didn’t exactly feel good enough abt myself to be comfortable outside, but I got a lot of random kindness and that was Nice.

22) Favourite food & drink

Food: teriyaki chicken and seafood pasta, drink: ginger ale and iced coffee

23) What position do you sleep in?

I sleep half-curled up on my side, but I need to toss and turn a little until I find The Best Position.

25) Your fears

The dark, needles, rabbits (I don’t even know, dude), the fact that I’ll die without having made an impact on the world, being spoken about behind my back, being a bad influence on my friends.

28) Any pets?

Not right now! I used to have two rottweilers around the house growing up, but they both passed away sadly.

29) What are your hobbies?

Writing, sketching, basketball, getting on people’s nerves, researching typology, watchin movies idk?

31) What was your last awkward situation?

Asjhdh the ticket control guy told me to “Have a safe trip” and I said “You too!”. This rarely happens to me tho

32) What is your last regret?

Not holding my friend’s hand on public transport. It was…right…there….and she already told me she’s more than comfortable with physical touch! I’m a fool! Everyone thinks I hate touching but I don’t! I’m just shy!

34) Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.)

Ehh. Kind of? As for believing, I believe more in ghosts, but I do see some patterns in different signs. I just try not to let it affect the way I see/interact with a person, because no one deserves to be prejudiced for whatever reason, especially not their date of birth. Tarot is just fun, and the cards r cool

35) Have any quirks?

I bite the skin on my fingers, scratch my acne, make my knees jump… most of it is just regular anxiety stuff tho so idk?? I do think I’m quirky, but there’s just too much weird stuff to list ‘em.

36) Your pet peeves

Cig/booze stink on a person, customers being rude, bigotry, interrupting other people… There’s quite some things that annoy me asjdgd

40) Last 5 things from your search history

Boku No Hero Academia, Hawks, duck emoji, Grumman fma, How To Train Your Dragon

41) What’s your device backgrounds?

My phone lockscreen rn is a beautiful KagaKuro fanart of them standing in the rain in yukatas, Kagami looming over Kuroko and shielding him from the rain and Kuroko reaching up to stroke his face; my phone background is an art of they/them pronouns tattooed on someone’s knuckles, their posture unsure; my laptop background is a screenshot from the movie Déva, of blue skies and a street lamp.

42) What do you daydream about?

…cu..cuddling,,my…crush……..

44) What's your religion/Your thought about religion

Short version: barf

Long version: I was raised catholic (even tho I was never baptized), and attended catholic school for 8 years which gave me a really warped idea of Christianity, Which made me a cynic & an agnostic or atheist by proxy. I harshly criticize the catholic church and faith but sometimes… when I do feel hopeless I get down on my knees and pray, so I guess if I let myself find my own faith I’d be a believer. But right now, I’m good just existing in my nihilistic bubble

45) Your personality type

Needy imeanwhat. In a typological sense, I’m an INFP in Myers-Briggs, 4 core 5 wing in Enneagram, melancholic or sanguine in the temperaments, et cetera. Basically I’m a sad daydreamer with unresolved issues and a need to do Art

47) Are you happy with your current life?

Nah bro. I like my friends and my workplace but I’d like to move out of home ASAP. I’d also… like to get therapy before I go and put myself out there.

48) Some things you've tried in your life

Playing the guitar, hostess work, weed, cigarettes, being blackout drunk, smoking from a hookah, cooking, football, handball, basketball, volleyball, cycling, sailing, driving, hitchhiking long distances, folk dancing, one-night stands, long-distance relationships, helping people in need…

50) Favourite colour to wear?

Olive green, midnight/navy blue, white, grey and black.

53) If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be?

I’d… like to know how it would feel if I had a flat chest and a penis? I also want bigger Guns, and Abs, some more tattoos and maybe an eyebrow piercing.

55) Do you get complimented often?

I think so? I usually brush off compliments uhhh but yeah maybe! Maybe idk

58) Songs you're currently obsessed with?

My friend’s playlist reminded me that ‘Phenomenon’ by Thousand Foot Krutch exists. I’m also really into ‘San Francisco’ by The Mowgli’s atm and ‘Golden Time Lover’ by Sukima Switch!

59) Song you normally wouldn't admit you like.

I mean, it’s not like it’s cringe or anything, I hate cringe culture BUT. I do have Ariana Grande’s ‘Side to Side’ stuck in my head rn

64) Can you sing or play any instruments?

I can sing pretty badly, play a bad tune on my guitar, drum on the edge of my table, so- Nah not really asdh

65) Do you like karaoke?

YES VERY MUCH I live and die for karaoke, last time I did it in front of an audience we sung the Shaman King opening at an anime con with friends, it was Rad

70) Your fictional crush/es

AH NO FUN Kagami’s my number one,,, let’s see then: Aomine, Roy Mustang, Kise, Mikoto Suoh, Hotch & Reid from Criminal Minds, Yagami Light, Jaime Lannister and Brienne from GoT, Rustin Cohle from True Detective, Shizuo Heiwajima from Durarara!!!, why is this list full of men I didn’t think I liked men this much

71) Which fictional character is you?

Eddie Brock from Venom I mean? He’s a whole ass mess.

79) How much time do you spend on the internet?

Yike. More than I’d be proud of.

86) Would you use death note, if you had one?

No way dude. I don’t fuck with that shit, karma would fuck me right back.

87) What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to?

I’d eliminate money and power and just make it a huge peaceful hippie community or something idk

90) What would you want to happen to you after your death?

Donate me to a medical school I don’t care. Make use of me! I’m gonna be dead, I won’t have any more feelings left to be hurt or anything asdghdsg

91) If you had to change your name, what would be your pick?

I’ve had a name in mind that I tried out once, but it didn’t really work out for me after all. I’m fine with Vee and Vic rn. Anything that isn’t my given name. I do want to change my surname to my mother’s, but if I do that I also want to give myself a different first name, and since That isn’t figured out yet, I’m just?? Call me whatever dude

94) Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true

Ugh, I’m bad at these. 1) I have plenty of moles. 2) My eyesight is pretty good. 3) I’ve broken some bones before.

95) Cold or hot?

Cold in beverage, hot in weather.

96) Be a hero or be a villain?

Being a villain is way too much fun, but I have too strong of a conscience to pull that off, so… hero, I guess.

97) Sing everything you want to say or rhyme?

Asjhdf singing is funnier and more annoying, since I Cannot Sing

98) Shapeshifting or controlling time?

Dude I’m non-binary. Shapeshifting for Sure

99) Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?

Aight I’ll give in – I agree to immortality Just This Once.

[not-poignant]

Congrats on starting your DBH fic! I feel like it was almost a rushed decision for you? Like you just woke up one morning and went, 'Yup. I'm doing it'. Anyway, it's awesome and you're awesome and the first chapter is awesome! By the way, any DBH recs? :) What did you like? The guys went wild with content over the summer.

By the way, any DBH recs? :) What did you like? 

I know I say it a lot, and it still holds true, but I write fic when I can’t find exactly what I want to read. I’m just a really fussy fucker. So the only reason I’m actually kind of ante-ing up to write in this fandom is because I’m not really finding the kinds of fics I specifically want to read, though there’s a lot of good material out there for sure (I’m not reading any now, because I don’t want to mess up the worldbuilding I’m starting to put together in my head lmao - please don’t rec me stuff! I may not read it for like a year at this point, lol, I’m mostly sticking to PWPs). Though I do really enjoy Scratch by L1av.

I feel like it was almost a rushed decision for you?

I’ve actually been thinking of committing to a fanfiction project for about 3 months (even longer actually, def before TGATNW was finished). I was just fandom-hopping until I found the right idea. I came really close to committing to a Homestuck fic idea (which I still like tbh), and I came moderately close to playing Dragon Age 2 as research, but really wasn’t happy with the overall idea for Cold Red Light.

I stumbled into Detroit Become Human re: the same way I did Dragon Age - through the fanart, and finding the premise intriguing. When I saw like, two Reverse AU artwork pieces on Twitter, I knew that was where I wanted to aim my sights? Idk if I have anything good to offer to the fandom, but I do know what I want to write and why I want to write it.

The thing about fanfiction is that I can be rushed about it. I can break all my schedule rules. I can do it just because it’s fun and I feel like it, and it doesn’t have to be a majorly thought through decision. It reminds me that I’m like...a person and not a word machine (which I sometimes feel like, which is no one else’s fault but my own, but the way for me to fix it is to write fanfiction). Do I have a chapter plan? No! Do I have an idea of exactly where I’m going? No! Do I plan on regular scheduled updates? Nope! Does it feel amazing? It really fucking does!

I learned a long time ago that writing fanfiction alongside original fiction might make the original fiction come slower, but it makes me a much stronger and happier writer. Which is why I had been idling like a car in neutral and keeping my eyes peeled for fanfiction projects I wanted to commit to (because I wanted something new, too). I love writing Fae Tales, but Fae Tales is also tied to income, which is tied to sometimes worrying about health and money and shit. I will never not love Fae Tales, but sometimes it feels really great to do something just because it’s fun, detached from everything else. That’s why thespectaclesofthor account exists in the first place.

So me deciding to commit to this fic did happen somewhat impulsively, but me deciding to commit to a big fanfiction project in general? That did not. In fact if anything I’m super excited about this, because if I’ve like, rushed to get the words out in the chapter (it has been beta’ed!) it’s a sign that I’m really rejuvenated/enthused about writing, and it’s a great, great feeling. I’m so excited to share this story with others, even if only 20 people read it. :D 

Like, The Wind that Cuts the Night was impulsive. Stuck on the Puzzle was wicked impulsive (I literally saw a Bull/Cullen week prompt for ‘kink negotiation’, wrote something, and then thought ‘oh I guess I’ll write more then’ when people didn’t hate it). It’s...part of the magic of fanfiction in some ways. I love it. I’m very lucky to experience that rush of excitement, and I’m trying to have faith it will see me through to the end of the project, because it has before. :D

[selfcarecap]

Bless you, love. You're too sweet, I love talking to you as well. I'm literally always on here and see your posts. Even hearing you thinking of me makes my heart burst. How small interactions through anonymous messages have such a tremendous impact, to form some sort of companionship, will never cease to amaze me.

Yet after my little freak out the other day, where I got all anxious and panicky, I started getting reluctant to contact you. You were incredibly kind, and your reaction was nothing but thoughtful. I even prepared a novel-like response, in which I explained my sudden outburst and apologised for the inconvenience, as well as thanked you for your immediate comforting reply.

However, I felt too overbearing and conflicted with myself, which is why I threw this draft overboard and decided to provisionally stay out of your asks, at least for a little while. (= me still explaining where I was last week without reopening the novel-like draft no one asked for)

I hope you're doing okay? How's your second semester going? Did your initial anxiety die down, or are you still experiencing it? How did you adjust to your new schedule?

-sparkles

Sparkles 🥺 you don’t need to worry about stuff like that with me omg <3 ik easier said than done but :( this is gonna sound weird to say about myself but I’m genuinely a kind and forgiving person, I mean you didn’t insult me or anything (i genuinely don’t even remember what it was about... wasn’t it just a bit of a Meinungsverschiedenheit? (lmao) that’s nothing you have to worry about or nothing that makes me not want you in my asks :( you can always message me and if i have a problem with you, you’ll notice 😭 but i can’t imagine what a kind person like you would have to do to really make me dislike you, if i already like you as much as i do i can’t imagine changing my opinion about you any time soon

I’m okay! I still get nervous about my only in person class even though it’s one of my favourite classes! Otherwise my anxiety has gone away SO MUCH within the last week and I’m so so relieved. I don’t want to be too optimistic but it makes sense that my anxiety is slowly dying down now that it’s the third week of uni (??) and I’m getting used to it. I’m still unsure about my classes though. I signed up for more classes than I’m supposed to this semester and I was thinking of dropping out of a few classes once the semester starts and I know which ones I like or don’t like but it’s currently not as much work as I thought it was going to be and I don’t really want to drop out of any classes in case I don’t get into them again next semester </3 I’ve written down when I have all my exams and how many assignments I have and how much I have to write and I honestly can’t tell if it’s going to be too much work or not. I don’t know the topics of the assignments yet either and have no idea if they’ll be more research based or I just have to talk about my opinion and interpretations which would be a lot less work. So I’m kinda struggling with that because I don’t want to overwork myself because it’ll just lead to bad results, but I don’t want to wait until January (which is when I’ll know all topics for my final assignments/papers) to decide if I’ll do all of them? Because I don’t want to go to classes for 3 months only to not do the final exams and maybe not get into the class next semester. Idk if I’m explaining it well but I don’t feel like going into the administration stuff of my uni xsldjsk😭

Another thing is my minor subject (I never know how to translate Nebenfach) that I started this semester (art history).... I’m very undecided. It’s just the third week but so far I’m not really enjoying it. It’s very weird because my professors are so great and the actual subject matter is so fascinating to me and yet I hate going to those lessons and I can’t imagine doing that shit for five semesters. I’m not a fan of any of the minors that my uni has for Anglistik but I have to choose one and I really enjoyed art in the Oberstufe so I thought I’d like it at uni too but I’m really not sure. The only other minor I’m interested in only starts during the winter semester so if I really realise that art history isn’t for me I would have to wait til my 4th semester (end of next year) to start that minor (I can’t really say what it’s called because it’s very specific to my uni and I’m already not the most careful person when it comes to personal information so sixhsksjsjs). I’d definitely have enough time to complete it especially with new covid rules regarding how long you’re allowed to study but :( I just wanna find a minor that I actually enjoy. And also I think I’d have to pause Anglistik for a semester or two to catch up on my minor and I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea. This is probably all really confusing and doesn’t make sense and I’m thinking way too far ahead, maybe I’ll start enjoying art history soon and it’ll all be fine anyway. (Lol that was a lot of... talking about myself shsks how are YOU?)

[pretend-writer]

Imma try and remember what i wrote. Take two.

Oh. OH! You are obsessed with serial killers too? Coolcoolcoolcool. Do you have any killers that you're most interested in? And what things do you like to look into more? Tell me anything.

I'm most interested with the possible connection between hitting ones head and becoming a killer. Also like how one can switch between being a normal human and a monster, hiding it for years or even till death.

Do you like to listen podcasts? If you do i have some true crime ones to recommend 👀

SO SORRY I DELETED THE FIRST ASK AHAOSJSJS IM SO DUMB.

also disclaimer : this is about serial killers and everything involving serial killer acts. warning warning warning.

------

the mind of a criminal is one thing but being a serial killer; hurting someone's, torturing for the thrill and doing more in some cases is just so fascinating to me. which is mainly the reason why I got a degree in psychology!

some of the interesting serial killers to me to name a few are Ed Kemper, Richard Ramirez & Charles Manson.

Ed Kemper is a softy, but the way he killed his fam is brutal af. Also his woman shoe fetish and his sexual desires for them is fascinating.

Richard Ramirez is interesting bc he's not like the other killers where they do more to body's. His style is different although his background makes sense to why he was like that.

Charles Manson is different also, he had a cult so he's not an actual serial killer; and had people kill each other for his desires. It seemed like he was severely power hungry. I didn't look too much into his but his difference in other killers is interesting.

I'm mainly interested in how and why these people are suddenly wired differently than "the norm". You also asked a theory of serial killers in the original ask you sent me.

I don't believe in theories of how killers became who they are. I highly believe it's 90% patenting and 10% environmental factors (that's actually what I learned in classes also.) and it also makes sense too;

for example, ted bundy (or jeff dahmer maybe, sorry I forget) as a child had a hooker mom and she's dress seductively in front of him, getting naked. as a young child, he was already interested in sexual activities and I read that he'd often get magazines. (Something like that) being exposed as a young child not knowing the filters will affect them, I believe.

you can also see sexual behaviors when children are exposed to pedos, getting r-ped, which can give them trauma (of course) but gives them an idea that "this is a normal act"

I'm no professional of this so please bare with me 😂😭 but reading many articles and watching a lot of documentaries, also going to classes solely about abnormal psych, developmental psych and how the human brain develops psychologically, this is what I grasped.

I've never heard of someone hitting their head and becoming a killer. That's interesting lmao imma have to look that up. buuut that maybe due to brain damage where they hit a specific part of the lobe, where they may lose common sense or lack of empathy which can make them psychopathic. idk

some people like ted bundy & john wayne gacy was really good at hiding their "true self". it's probably just more acting to them, they lack empathy so they generally don't give a shit what they do to people. which makes me think that's why it's so easy for or them hide it.

& Nope I don't listen to podcasts! I prefer digging through informations myself, doing my own research and stuff. I like looking at the facts like seeing how they were raised and what ticked them for their first kill, so I don't think podcasts will interest me. I also lack concentration so podcasts just aren't my thing.

The only GOOD serial killer related show that's top tier is Mindhunter on Netflix. It's detailed, very very accurate and they talk about actual serial killers. They talk about how the FBI started the psychology department and what they do within that department.

The Sinner is also good. Not really serial killer related but a really good psychological show. It's also on Netflix.

I don't watch true crimes (if that means like those documentary series on Netflix and stuff) like I said I prefer my own research. I did watch the Ted Bundy one that's it. :))

sorry for being long but really, this is one of my fav topic so agsisnshsks I SPOKE HELLA. :))

& thank you for sending me an ask again 😭✨