#idk why i convinced myself i would anyway

[dykelectric]

i have had the WORST luck with CDs in the past couple months or so… it’s actually comedic how shit my luck is. i haven’t found a single cd i want in any record shop. it’s like there’s a divine force making 100% sure that they’re always out of stock or straight up not there. IM TIRED OF IT PLEASE LET ME GROW MY COLLECTION…!!!

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible

[strangerhands]

mmmmm heyyy👁️. ive basically been gone from tumblr for over two days because ive been feeling like a shitty piece of shit. BUT. i finally saw dune part 2 and ohmygoddddd it was so so good. but yes. i was missing leto so bad the entire time. Father come back pls. i need you.

[zhinee]

looked at old pics of myself at the wrong time and now im crying.,

[keptthepieces]

just another diary entry obvs

[maddy-ferguson]

is having a friend crush more embarrassing than having a real crush. maybe

[florida3exclamationpoints]

My mom just came in my room right after I got home to be like how did it go???? What happened???? When are you going back?? How do you feel??? Are you ok???? What are your hours???? What did they say??? And I know she means well but

[paradoxpeace]

I have gone so long with only one blog but I might have to make a side blog for all my pining post I type and never post or see and never reblog

[daddyslilchickenfingers2]

Noise Complaint (Chris)

Request: none

Warnings: secret relationship, semi public sex(hotel room), protective triplets, slightly possessive chris, degradation, filming/pictures, praise kink, daddy kink, getting caught by a fan, being found out by Matt and Nick, super rough sex, dom!chris, lingerie, choking, slapping, spanking, oral(male receiving), cum swallowing, creampie, facefucking, hair pulling, choking, maybe more idk

A/N: this was written when they were on the versus tour which is why it obviously mentions the tour

Y/n’s pov

We were going into week three of the boys’ tour and it was getting increasingly harder for Chris and I to hide the fact that we’re dating. Nobody knew, not even his brothers or Madi, who’s my best friend. At home, it’s a lot easier to hide the fact that we’re dating because Chris and I have always been super close, so us going to “hang out” alone wasn’t abnormal. Thankfully I was invited to go on tour with them since Madi couldn’t go this time, meaning I would have to share one of the two rooms with one of the triplets. You’d probably expect me to be sharing a room with Nick, which I wouldn’t mind considering he’s one of my best friends, but Chris had managed to convince both Matt and Nick to let him sleep in the same room with me by claiming he needs to cuddle with someone when he’s not sleeping in his own house. Since we’d usually get one room with two beds and the other with only one bed, neither Nick nor Matt wanted to have to share a bed or cuddle with Chris so they had “forced” me to be the one sharing a bed with Chris. Not that I was complaining anyways.

This was basically the only time when we could be completely alone however, Matt and Nick always had the room next to us meaning we could never have sex if fear of them hearing us. Luckily for us, the hotel we were staying at tonight only had rooms on separate floors. Currently, we were at the venue getting ready for the meet and greet as we just finished the show, everyone was still dressing in the color for their team. My color being red, I wore black cargo pants with white stitching, a red belt, a red corset top, and red Jordans, I paired my outfit with some silver jewelry and some basic makeup, adding winged eyeliner and red lipstick. As soon as I walked out of my dressing room, Chris pushed me back into it, “You look so fucking hot right now babe, I don’t know how I’m gonna control myself out there.” he said trying to go in for a kiss but I had to swerve it. Chris started pouting as I said “Sorry handsome, I don’t want to get any lipstick on you. We don’t want anyone to find out we’re dating, remember?” “Yeah, yeah, I just don’t know how I’m going to control myself out there because if I’m being honest, all I want to do right now is rip your clothes off and fuck you.” he said as we walked towards the door to leave.

We met back up with Nick and Matt as we all walked out to the meet and greet area and started taking pictures with fans. There was this one guy who came up to me and started flirting, I could tell that Chris was irritated but it’s not like he could do anything about it. “You’re hot, can I get your number and take you out to dinner? You know, maybe I can get you away from these boys and show you what I can do.” the guy said, making me slightly uncomfortable. Luckily for me, Nick saw this and came over to us “Hey man, can you not talk to her like that and move on to she can take pictures with non-creepy people? Thanks.” he said shooing him away. The guy did leave, but Chris still kept looking at me out of the corner of his eye to make sure nobody else bothered his girl.

After the meet and greet, we had all decided to go get dinner at a restaurant, and guess who just so happened to be our waiter? The creepy guy from earlier, and I think all the boys could tell he was making me uncomfortable. Due to this Nick ordered for me so I wouldn’t have to talk to him and we got threw dinner without an incident, well except for when we got our receipt, which had his number on it. I could literally feel the jealousy radiating off of Chris as we waited for our Uber, “Chris what’s wrong? You look super pissed off, are you okay?” Matt had asked him. “I’m fine, I just want to be at the hotel already.” Chris replied through gritted teeth making both his brothers give him a weird look before we got inside the Uber and went back to the hotel. Laura had met us in the lobby, handing us our room keys and telling us our room numbers as all five of us piled in the elevator. Laura got off first, then Matt and Nick, as soon as the doors closed Chris grabbed my hand, “I don’t like people flirting with you, I wanna punch them all in the face.” he said while rubbing his thumb across the back of my hand as we walked to our room

As soon as we got inside our bedroom, Chris pushed me up against the door “I want my fucking kiss now, you’ve had me so hard all day.” he said before capturing my lips in a kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck, playing with his hair as our kiss turned into a heavy makeout. He started pressing his body against mine so I could feel how hard he was before he pulled away, “I’ve been waiting to do that all day. God, Y/n/n you look so hot in this outfit, shit I never thought you wearing red lipstick would make me so fucking hard, you’re gonna have to start wearing it more often.” Chris told me. I had a little surprise for him, I had just been waiting for when we could get the chance to fuck on tour, I bought it at one of our stops after hearing Chris say I looked hot in red a million times. “Would you do me a favor?” I asked him in a seductive voice, continuing to speak after he nodded “Can you go stand in the bathroom for like five minutes, please? It’ll be worth it, I promise you’ll like it.” “Ughhh you know I don’t like surprises!” he whined. “You’ll like this one I promise!” I told him as I shoved him into the bathroom, I quickly went to change into a pair of red heels and a lacy red lingerie set before quickly reapplying some lipstick.

I sat down on the edge of the bed before telling Chris he could come out, “This better not be som- holy fuck!” he cut himself off as he stopped dead in his tracks a few feet away from me. “Do you like it, baby?” I asked innocently, he was at a loss for words, only being able to mutter out a delayed “Uh-huh, really like it…” as I stood up and walked over to him. Chris couldn’t stop staring at every move I made, I grabbed his hand and led him over to sit on the bed. He slid off his shirt and shoes as his eyes continued to scan my body, “Are you just going to sit there and stare at me or are you going to use me like I planned on letting you?” I said as I traced my finger across his jawline, tilting his head up to look at me. His lips were wet and red as he kept licking and biting at them and his eyes were so blown out that you could barely see a small sliver of blue.

Chris quickly stood up to take his pants off before sitting against the headboard, pulling me with him “As much as I love those heels, Imma need to take them off because you’re gonna be real uncomfortable wearing those in a bit.” he said making me take them off, instantly pulling me onto his lap when I was done. He grabbed the back of my head before smashing our lips together in a hot and needy kiss, he swiped his tongue across my bottom lip while pulling me hair causing me to gasp, giving him a chance to slide his tongue into my mouth. Chris suck and licked my tongue and lips, letting out a deep groan when I started slowly grinding on him, his hands quickly making their way down to my ass with a tight grip. He slowly pulled away biting my lip, “God, I’m gonna fuck you so hard tonight! You’re gonna be so full my cum like the filthy little whore you are, gotta show you who you fucking belong to after that guy flirted with you today!” he growled into my ear.

I knew he was serious when he said I’d be filled with his cum considering neither of us had cum since tour started. I started trailing kisses down his neck and chest, disappointed that I couldn’t leave any hickies “Look like such a slut right now, wish I could take pictures and shit because you look fucking hot.” Chris groaned. I stopped kissing his body and looked at him from between his legs with an innocent smile “Who said you couldn’t? You can take videos of me sucking your cock or fucking me for all I care.” When I said that Chris groaned and his cock twitched. You could tell he was constantly dripping precum from the growing wet patch on his gray boxers. After a second he stood up and grabbed my wrist, dragging me with him before he grabbed his phone out of his pants “Get on your fucking knees for me, I’m taking you up on that offer.” he said while caressing my face before pushing me onto my knees.

He pushed down his boxers, stepping out of them before he tapped his cock against my lips, I quickly opened my mouth and stuck my tongue out waiting for him to put it in my mouth. He placed his thick cock onto my tongue before thrusting into my mouth, pushing some hair out of face while I sucked on the tip. “Can I really record you baby?” he asked while caressing my face, I pulled off of him for a second, using my hand to continue to stroke him. “Yes baby, you can record it and take pictures of whatever you want tonight.” I told him before deep throating him, Chris let out a loud groan before he started to record me. I looked up at the camera innocently as I started sucking him off “Put your hands behind your, I’m gonna fuck that pretty little face of yours.” he said as he placed his hand on the back of my head.

I placed my hands behind my back as Chris started slowly thrusting his cock into my mouth, I hollowed out my cheeks making him let out a low groan. He started fully fucking my face roughly causing me to gag when his tip would hit the back of my throat. I started to whine and moan against him when he started fisting my hair and pulling it, the constant abuse of my throat combined with him pulling my hair caused tears to start falling down my face. “God, you look so pretty like this for me! Next time I’m gonna cum all over your slutty face!” he grunted out, making me whine around him again. I felt his cock twitch before his grip on my hair got tighter and he’s thrusts grew erratic. “You gonna let me cum down your slutty little throat baby?” he asked, I moaned around him as a response before his hips sputtered.

Chris shoved my face down so his cock was literally down my throat, my nose pressed against his pubic bone. “Fuck baby, so good for me.” he praised as he came before pulling out of my mouth. “Open your mouth for me.” he said making me quickly oblige, showing him my mouth full of cum. “Swallow.” I did as he said, sticking my tongue out to show him I did what he asked before he stopped the video. After he caught his breath he helped me stand up, “As hot as you look in this I need it off, right now.” he growled helping me take the lingerie off. Once Chris had helped me undress, he cupped my face in his hands to wipe the dried tears and mascara off my cheeks. Chris sat up against the headboard again, telling me to sit on his lap. He grabbed my throat to pull me into another rough kiss harshly sucking on my tongue, groaning when he felt my wetness spread across his cock, which was already hard again.

Quickly flipping us over, pushing my right leg up against my chest before slamming into me. I let out a loud moan as he gave me no time to adjust before he was pounding into me. “Fuck, so goddamn tight for me! You like being treated like a slut don’t you? Such a good girl.” he grunted as I scratched my nails done his back. “Yes! Yes, your good girl daddy! Please, so good!” I moaned incoherently. “Please what baby? What do you want?” he asked me but I couldn’t explain what I wanted as he was pounding into me so roughly and it felt so good. Since I was whining and moaning so much I just grabbed his hand, making him lightly slap my face. “You want me to hit you? God, you’re such a kinky whore!” he loud groaned before actually slapping my face making me let out an extremely loud, high pitched moan as I came around him. Chris grabbed my jaw harshly, getting closer to my face “Fucking bitch! I didn’t say you could cum, you didn’t even fucking ask!” he growled at me before slapping me again as I cried out, quickly becoming overstimulated. “Open your damn mouth!” I did as he said before Chris spit into my mouth making me whine “Fucking swallow bitch!” he said and I quickly obliged.

Me and Chris have never had such rough sex before but we were both living for it, not even registering the fact that we were in a hotel room and the people next to us could probably hear our moans. Chris suddenly pulled out making me whimper, “Hands and knees slut.” he ordered and I quickly did as he said. He pushed on my back making me arch it before he licked from my clit all the way to my ass hole, loudly groaning as he pulled away. “I’m gonna fuck your tight ass one day and you’re gonna let it happen.” he said before slapping my ass. “Chris please, need your cock back inside me.” I begged “You’re fucking greedy aren’t you?” he asked rhetorically as he ran his tip through my folds teasingly.

Chris then started thrusting into me at a slow pace, “Faster daddy, please!” I asked in a whine voice. He started thrusting quickly and hard, his nails digging into my hips as a form of leverage. Both of us were being extremely loud at this point since this new angle felt amazing, he had leaned forward to play with my nipples. He knew my nipples were extremely sensitive so he used that to his advantage, relishing in the fact that he was the only person to make me feel this way. With the combination of Chris playing with my nipples, aggressive thrusts, and loud groans he was letting in my ear were getting me extremely close to cumming again. “Mmm please can I cum daddy? Feels s-so good don’t stop! F-Fuck please!” I cried out making Chris let out an almost animalistic growl in my ear. “You can cum but I’m not fucking stopping!” he said moving one of his hands to my throat. I came around his cock for the second time tonight, crying as I was extremely overstimulated.

Chris pulled back to sit up straight again on his knees when suddenly our hotel phone started to ring. He slowed down his thrust, making me whine before going to pick up the phone. “Be quiet baby.” he told me, still slowly pumping in and out of me, Chris cleared his throat before actually answering the phone. “Um hello?” he asked confused, I started thrusting back against him causing Chris to completely stop moving and slap my ass harshly. “Uh oh okay, y-yea. I’m s-sorry.” he replied to whatever the person on the other end of the phone said before hanging up. Slapping my ass one time before flipping me over, looking down at me with a stupid smile. “We just got a noise complaint, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop. It just means you need to shut the fuck up!” he laughed before thrusting back into me.

Chris once again started thrusting into me but this time he smashed our lips together in an attempt to stifle my moans. These thrusts weren’t as rough as before, but they were still quite fast as we were both nearing our orgasms. We pulled away for just a second, Chris saying “Shit baby are you close? Because I’m about to fucking cum in you!” I just nodded in response not wanting to be loud again. He brought his hand down to rub my clit in fast, tight circles as he pressed our lips together again. After a few more thrusts, I was cumming around his cock with a whine, this caused Chris to cum as well. Filling me up before slowly pulling out, using his fingers to collect the cum dripping out of me only to shove them in my mouth a second later. He laid down next to me as we caught our breath for a minute.

Once our breath was back to normal Chris stood up before grabbing my hand and helping me up as well. My legs were trembling and it was kind of hard to stand but we silently walked over to the bathroom. Chris told me to pee while he turned the shower on, going back out into our room to grab our toothbrushes, my hair brush and, my makeup wipes before returning. We took a quick shower using the soaps that the hotel had in there before we got out. Chris wrapped one of the big white fluffy towels around me before grabbing another one for himself, I grabbed one of the smaller towels to wrap my hair in making chris giggle. “You look cute like that babe.” he said sarcastically as we got ready to brush our teeth. I used a makeup wipe to get the rest of my makeup off my face and some red smudges of lipstick off from around Chris’ lips. He insisted on blowing my hair so I didn’t argue and just let him do it since my legs were still shaky and I was tired.

Once we were done in the bathroom we went over to our suitcases to get changed, I wore an oversized shirt and panties while Chris just wore some boxers before we climbed into bed and went to sleep. We woke up at 7am as we needed to get back on the bus to drive to our next location, quickly getting dressed in some comfy clothes and brushing our teeth before gathering our things to meet Nick, Matt, and Laura in the lobby. Unfortunately for us, we walked out at the same time as the person from next door that made the noise complaint. We were just going to ignore her until she said our names, “Y/n? Chris? You guys were the ones fucking extremely loud next door?” she asked making us both blush and turn around. Chris awkwardly scratched the back of his neck before sheepishly nodding “Oh my god are you guys dating!? That’s so cute I love it! Oh shit did I ruin your night last night?” the fan said super fast.

“You can’t tell anyone about this!” Chris and I said at the same time, not wanting this to get out. “We don’t want anyone to know we’re dating yet, not even his brother know so could you please keep this private and between us?” I asked nervous. She agreed to do so as long as we followed her fan and main accounts on insta, which we obviously did before taking a quick picture with her. As we started to walk away, Chris turned around again “Oh and by the way, you didn’t ruin our night, you just made us realize we gotta be more quiet.” he said while laughing. We got into the elevator to go down to the lobby when Chris grabbed my waist and pulled me in for a quick passion kiss, pulling away right before the doors opened. Nick and Matt got into the elevator with us, Nick seemed to be oblivious but Matt gave us a weird look. “Why are you two blushing and shit?” he asked suspiciously, but luckily for us the elevator doors opened and we walked out to meet with Laura to go to the bus. Once we got settled in on the bus, Matt looked over to Nick before saying “You owe me 50 bucks, they’re definitely dating so pay up” making Chris and I blush.

“How do you know that? We’ve been so careful!” Chris exclaimed as Nick looked at us, irritated because he owes Matt money now, “I don’t know, maybe it’s the because she’s wearing your hoodie or the fact that you have pink lipgloss on your lips” Nick said. Both brothers started laughing but quickly stopped when Chris said “Well at least I scan do this more often” pulling me in for a quick kiss. Both boys gave us a cheesy smile as they were happy that we were finally dating before we all drifted back off to sleep.

[0mysteiarchives]

Within their not-so-angelic prescence .

• Robin , Sunday

"Don't be afraid my dear." "...Actually i'm very much afraid-"

AN: I'm cooking for myself and the robin and sunday devotees frfr !! Also thanks for blowing up my last two posts :3

warning: yandere themes, and possibly ooc?

• Congratulations! You were cursed with two angelic yanderes completely infatuated with you! How do you feel about that?? I'm pretty sure the fangirls and fanboys would love to be in your place.

• Honestly how you ended up like this can be every single possibility imaginable. Whether you end up as one of Robin's crew members, Sunday's work assistant, or literally just being some random stranger walking down the bustling street as both of them stroll around. In any case you'll be the main attention of their curiosity. (ig you're just that pretty idk what to tell yall)

• Obviously the siblings will talk to each other about this feeling towards someone they barely know, but at the end of the day siblings share! Maybe a bit of bickering or two but it'll be alright! They've got everything at their disposal to bring you to them.

If you ever hear a knock on your door, or see the BloodHound family members following you outside, don't bother about that!

• Now that they have you in their grasp, first thing you'll be forced to do is public appearance! Why? Because then everyone will know you belong to them! Robin takes you out to her interviews and exposing you to the paparazzi. Occasionally she'll be sneaky, getting a bit too intimately close to your face and give you a small peck on your cheek as the crowd goes wild. Sunday wrapping an arm around your waist and inching you closer to him as he knows that the public will start rumors about you, him and his sister.

You're fine with that right? I mean, it's not like you had a choice anyway.

• In terms of affection, Robin is a bit more affectionate than Sunday. Most of her interactions are genuine and soft that would lull you into a sense of comfort. If you ever tend to push her away or close yourself off from her, it's fine! Love takes time and Robin will eventually get you to love her just like she loves you.

= Sunday however, can be dependent on how you act. Don't get it wrong though, he's sweet and genuinely loves you just as much as his sister does. But if you won't comply with his requests and continue being stubborn, then maybe punishments are in order... It'll be fine! Robin will convince him not to be too harsh on you!

• What? You don't like how suffocating it feels? You're trying to leave their side? No can do! The siblings are influential after all, they have control over your image to the public brought down in a matter of seconds! Have the people corner you with numerous and uncomfortable questions! Maybe they'll blackmail you with your own family and friends..

= Still not giving in? They'll just have a custom made dreamscape to trap you in! You'll be running through the Reverie hallways, and suddenly end up in an unknown location you have never seen before. As long as you give up and come back into their arms you'll be able to return safely under their protection.

Don't run off okay? They'll wipe your tears and embrace you tight, wrap you between their graceful wings to blind you from the wicked manipulation in play.

—

Robin will be your best comfort, Sunday will be your best protection.

Just don't be fooled by their sweet, intoxicating words..

Not all angels are as innocent as they seem, remember?

[stovetoast]

pillow tpot headcanons (long ramble expanding on the ocd part under the cut)

ok so first warning: i am not a psychiatrist. this isnt a super educated essay on ocd, just me projecting my lived experience onto an object show character. this is just an observation. if i get something wrong feel free to correct me, ill add it here. (its also worth noting i am self diagnosed. not "quick google search" self dx though, ive gone over it with a therapist and everything)

and that leads into the second warning: this ramble will get a tad bit personal sorryyyy

and finally the third warning: i put she/it on the ref but im just using she/her for simplicity (+ i forgot LOL(

anyway so yeah i think that pillow has ocd and is basically the embodiment of "letting intrusive thoughts win" except like. actually. this headcanon didnt stem from the killing or the strange impulses though, i think she has it because of her fixation on good and bad luck in tpot 10.

for me it manifests in a few different ways. my main one is counting—i have good luck numbers and bad luck numbers. i need to take a specific number of snacks every time i have a bowl of them. i have to shake medicine bottles a certain amount of times before taking them. i am always counting the "syllables" of whatever im doing, and it always has to land on a multiple/factor of my lucky number. and if i break any of this, i (generally, if i cant convince myself its fine or if i dont notice) have to count to my lucky number otherwise something bad will happen. hell, i added more flags to this ref because the number of them was my unlucky number.

i have a few other things that affect it that are completely unrelated to counting, though. like a particularly bad one is that i straight up cant wear certain articles or clothing anymore because theyre bad luck. or my ungodly long night routine (which is probably more of an autism thing tbh. but certain parts of it are absolutely influenced by the ocd, like having to say goodnight to my dog).

that ^^ is what i saw in pillow. she was distraught that her team lost in 9, because not only did she think she was doing the challenge right, but killing people (bringing death) was good luck for her.

i think her killing people was a compulsion, and her whole thing in 10 was her scrambling to find a new one after that stopped working.

and before anyone tries to be all like "oh thats fucked up why would they portray ocd like that," one: i dont think this was on purpose this was just an observation, two: i mean..... fuck dude if i lived in a world where revival was incredibly accessible and one of my compulsions were to kill people, id do the same thing. death is fairly normal in bfdi, to the point everyone literally has a kill count on the fandom wiki (hers is 13 as of tpot 11 btw, a commonly unlucky number ironically enough. if she gets eliminated in 12 with an unlucky kill count thatd be so funny). once they get past the pain, its. really just an inconvenience to them.

when it comes to ocd, you. HAVE to do these things. its not a choice until you can get some outside help with it, and oftentimes its an inconvenience to those around you. i dont think its right for her to be going around killing her team, but when i get past the fact that is literally what made her my favorite, i get where shes coming from. shes trying to help in a way she "knows" will work.

or maybe shes just silly idk

[polyamorouspunk]

Punk’s Not-So-Aesthetic Guide To Not Killing Yourself

A lot of posts on here talk about all the things to look forward why you shouldn’t kill yourself- all the people who have yet to love you, the next release in your favorite series, the new album by your favorite band, all the places you’ve yet to see… but I know that sometimes those don’t do anything for some people.

Here’s a messy look at wanting to die. Taking away all the “positivity”, all the flowery language, and focuses on the heavy shit. Reasons that aren’t so… polite… as to why you shouldn’t kill yourself.

1. What depends on You?

What depends on you? Do you have children? Younger siblings? Pets? Hell, plants? If you did who is going to take care of them. “My brother would never let me cat starve” “my sister wouldn’t let me plants die” don’t think like that. What depends on you right now that you care for. Convince yourself that if you die no one is going to take care of that, even if it’s not true. This has been an effective strategy for me.

2. Living your best life to spite people is something that can be used more than once; killing yourself to spite someone can only be used once

There are plenty of times I’ve just wanted to hurt someone the way they’ve hurt me by pulling the ultimate guilt-trip: killing myself and blaming it on them. However you can only pull that truck once, and there are many, many people I would have liked to use this on, so unfortunately thriving it is.

3. Who is going to find you?

Someone is going to find your dead body, and that is going to scar them for life. I hate a LOT of people, but I don’t think I hate anyone enough to actually inflict the trauma of them finding my dead body on them. Plus it’s not just who finds the body. It’s hard on EMS workers, and they go through enough anyway. If you do it at home there’s going to have to be a crime scene cleanup crew that comes to your house. I know ya’ll aren’t “well that’s their job so they should deal” people. If you wouldn’t say that about a cashier or a waitress you wouldn’t say that about the crime scene cleanup crew. Crash your car? Random people are going to see that and it might trigger them. I think about driving my car into a tree or a telephone sometimes but then I think about if a stranger sees that and like man I don’t want to ruin some random stranger’s day.

4. If you fail then you get to go on a 72 hour hold, at least in America, and we all know how fun and expensive that is

Idk about ya’ll, but I sure as hell don’t need to invoke more medical debt on myself by failing to kill myself if I fuck up. That, and psych wards have sooooo many horror stories I would like to try my best to avoid them at all costs.

[mentally-gone002]

is it too early to love you? - final part (7)

(moodboard made by moi)

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7

summary: reader and spencer meet in the afternoon like they’d promised to play chess and get coffee. everything is prefect and comfortable, even as reader gets brave enough to do something she felt sorry for not doing sooner. 

a/n: gang… i don’t wanna end this one… but idk what i should do past this part😭😭😭 but if yall want more just request smth cuz im obsessed with how this turned out🤓 ALSO ty for all the love you’re given this series, ive had a blast writing this (literally destroyed my sleep schedule i made because i go back to school in like four days or some bullshit) and it’s rlly awesome being a writer that makes fun little things that ppl end up loving!!!! so big ty to all of yall who’ve been reading 

————————————————————————

was this too much?

i stared at myself in the mirror as i adjusted the collar of my sweater with my fingers. 

i’m just going to see my best friend, so why am i dressing like this is a date? and why am i so nervous. 

it’s a good nervous. the kind that had an entire rabble of butterflies fluttering around my stomach.

it wasn’t fancy, just a casual outfit that he’d definitely never seen me in before. i would wear this on a date though. on an occasion like this one.

i stepped away from my reflection. it was 11:30 and it wouldn’t take me longer than ten minutes to get to the coffee shop but i got my shoes on anyway. it doesn’t hurt to be early. 

i left my apartment in a giddy rush. my feet were louder on the stairs than usual due to my quick pace. 

one of my neighbors who was walking inside gave me an amused smile. “what’re you getting up to today?” she asked. 

i directed my eyes towards her. “i’m going to see a friend.” my lips were pinned in a smile. 

she grinned widely. “is it that boy who’s always coming over? the handsome tall one with brown hair?” 

“maybe.” i nodded. 

she gave me a knowing look. “oh honey, are you sure he’s just a friend?”

i tried to hide the flush over my cheeks. “i’m sure.” 

“okay.” she nodded slowly like she wasn’t convinced. “i’ll know when he’s more than that.” 

i rolled my eyes and left the building, deciding to walk instead of drive. maybe it’ll help my energy levels. 

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

i was cold by the time i got to the coffee shop. the autumn air was motionless apart from when cars would drive past me on the street, and the chill bit at my face and hands, even though i had them hidden in the sleeves of my sweater. it was bearable though. 

“welcome in!” 

the cheerful voice of a barista behind the counter mingled with the bell above the door and the chatter of customers placed across the establishment. it was warm inside and it smelled like coffee, for obvious reasons. 

“hey.” a familiar voice sounded behind me. i turned around to look at spencer while he closed the shop door behind himself. 

“hi.” i smiled. 

“have you been here long?” he wondered. 

i shook my head and freed my hands from my sleeves. “no. i got here a minute or two ago…” spencer’s hand on my face had me trailing off. his fingers moved some of my hair away from my eyes.

“did you walk?” his brows were pinched together, more so as i nodded. “it’s cold out.” 

i smiled. he’s too sweet. “i’m okay. it’s not that bad.” i promised him through the tone of my voice and the look i gave him through my lashes. 

he smiled softly with a nod. “good.” 

“we still have a chess game to go play, so you better not let the temperature get to you.” my hand reached out to gently clamp around his wrist so i could pull him after me into the short line so we could get our coffees and then walk to the park. 

“can i try yours?” i asked while walking down the sidewalk, outside again. i gestured to his coffee by tapping the side of it with my index finger. our arms brushed as we walked. 

spencer hummed a ‘yes’ as he handed off his cup to me. 

i excitedly took his cup and sipped from it, cautiously because i’ve heard morgan say that it would put him in a coma if he had more than a sip of it after mixing up an order. this happened years ago but morgan still talks about it.

he was right because when the drink hit my tongue i closed my eyes, pulling a face at how sweet it was. “jesus!”

spencer’s sweet laughter swirled inside my head. he gently took his cup back. “too sweet?” 

i nodded quickly. “yeah. how do you drink that everyday?” i sipped my own coffee to try and get rid of the sugar that still lingered on my tongue. 

when we kissed he tasted like that.

he shrugged. “i don’t know, I’m just used to it i guess.”

our arms brushed again because i can’t walk in a straight line but he didn’t seem to mind. “what did you get?” he quizzed. 

i read the barista’s handwriting on the side of the cup. it was what i got whenever i went to a coffee shop but i still liked to get my answer right. “a half dark half white chocolate mocha with caramel. i got a double shot of espresso today so… we’ll see how that plays out.” my eyes trailed up to his face while we stopped at the crosswalk across from the park. he glanced down at me, eyes all content. his pupils were blown wide which made it hard to see the brown of his eyes. 

“don’t get a caffeine rush on me.” spencer told me. “i might not be able to handle you.” 

i scoffed with a squint of my eyes. “please, you’re able to handle me no matter what.” 

he agreed with me. 

while we were stepping away from the safety of the sidewalk i mindlessly grabbed spencer’s hand. it was just a habit i’ve always had. an instinct to reach out and hold onto whoever i was with while crossing the street. 

when we reached the other side i quickly released his hand. i met his eyes with my own. “sorry. force of habit.” i smiled shyly. 

spencer smiled back. “it’s okay.” 

he found an empty table to play chess at, which was the only one that wasn’t occupied. i never knew people favored playing chess in a park so much until now.

i sat down on a stone chair on one side of the board while spencer sat across from me, pulling a box of chess pieces out of his bag. i watched him slide the white colored pieces over to me. “do you just carry those around all the time?” i wondered while placing all the pieces in the correct places. 

“yeah.” he nodded. 

i smiled. “you have a marry poppins bag.” 

“i love marry poppins.” spencer hummed. 

i laughed quietly in endearment. he’s really pretty today. 

“okay,” i put my hands flush against one another and rubbed them together. “prepare to loose.” i slid one piece forward.

spencer shook his head. “in your dreams.” he moved a piece. 

i watched him and processed a few things i could do before moving. 

we went back and forth in silence for a few minutes before i looked up at him. he was looking at the board with furrowed brows. “when did you learn to play?” 

spencer moved a piece before answering. “when i was a kid. me and my mom would play a lot.” he focused on my lips for a moment before shifting to my eyes. he smiled almost timidly. 

i stole one of his pieces with my next move. it was held between my fingers beside my face. “gotcha.” i whispered. 

he took a piece of mine and mirrored me. “you were saying?”

i frowned. “you’re mean.” i moved again.

“this is all part of the game.” he laughed as we kept playing. 

i rested my head in my hand and stared at the pieces in thought. i moved another piece over the board before taking a quick sip of coffee. 

the park was nice today. there were a lot of people walking or sitting or playing chess like us. it was comfortable. i don’t know why i haven’t come here as much. 

spencer’s hair fell over his face when a light breeze blew through the park and i wanted to reach out and brush it out of his eyes. 

i don’t remember moving my arms to do so, but i leaned across the small table and did so anyway. spencer didn’t take his eyes off of mine, not while i was moving his hair with my fingertips on his skin, and not when his hand mirroring mine took the one in his hair in his own. he intertwined our fingers and i thought i was dreaming as he moved so our elbows were propping our joined hands over the board. 

he nonchalantly went back to the game, taking one of my pieces. “your move.” he squeezed my hand to snap me out of my trance the physical contact put me in. 

i nodded, pursing my lips. “right.” i felt like there was more attention on me and it made my focus dwindle. i still moved a piece that spencer took after a few moves, but he smoothed his thumb over the small extent of my hand he could touch. 

i smiled suddenly as i took a piece of his. “while i was leaving my building my neighbor asked me where i was going. when i told her i was seeing a friend she asked ‘the handsome tall one with brown hair’ and i thought that was such an accurate description of you.” i sipped more of my coffee. being outside had cooled it down significantly. 

spencer squeezed my hand that i was convinced he wasn’t ever going to let go. i met his eyes. “you think i’m…” he trailed off momentarily while he moved another piece. “tall?” he asked, that stupid but addicting smile slipped onto his lips. 

i scoffed, mouth open in an amused smile. “yes, yes i do.” i nodded with a laugh. “all 6’1 of you.” 

spencer’s eyes were so soft on mine. they were just full of adoration and endearment. i didn’t have a problem with getting lost in them. i’d get more lost just in his company every day. 

“you’re so beautiful…” his voice was so quiet i wouldn’t have caught what he’d said if i wasn’t looking at him. i read his lips in slow motion. 

“thank you.” 

we played the rest of the game in silence and secret glances. spencer won which didn’t surprise me. he told me i was good though, and that must mean i’m really good if its coming from him. 

spencer let go of my hand so that we could put the pieces away. my hand got cold immediately. i worked quickly to group the colors of pieces and slide them over to him. 

when we left the table, people immediately occupied it. i laughed slightly. 

“is there this many people here often?” i asked, my hand brushing his as we walked. 

he slowly interlaced our fingers again, being casual with it. “this isn’t the busiest it’s been.” he replied. i nodded, looking down at our joined hands. 

my feet stopped moving across the sidewalk and spencer stopped with me. “you okay?” 

i looked up at him, searching his eyes for what he must have searched mine for when he’d first kissed me. 

i wanted to kiss him. 

i can’t deny that anymore. 

so in the middle of the park in the afternoon i did just that. i stood on my toes and kissed him. my chest pressed against his and i swear i could feel his quickened heartbeat while our lips gently pressed together. 

spencer dropped my hand to cradle my face, meaning i couldn’t pull away so soon. and i was just fine with that. 

i slid my hand around his waist to his back. my palms pressed flat into him, making a soft hum pass from him to me. 

when we did pull away for breath, spencer whispered, “it’s not too early to love me.” his forehead pressed against mine. 

i smiled. “you heard me that night?”

“yeah.” he nodded subtly. “and i’ve played it over and over again in my head.” 

i smiled, tilting my head to kiss him once. “it sounds like you love me.” i ran my hands down his back. 

“i do.” he whispered. “i really do.” 

my head rested on his chest as i hugged him closer. his arms wrapped around me in an instant. “i’m sorry i made you wait for me.” i muttered. 

“i’d wait for you no matter what.” spencer replied, kissing the top of my head. 

i smiled in content, breathing in his scent that was like a muscle relaxant. everyone and everything around me and him just faded away. 

until both of us got a phone call. 

i frowned and dug into my pocket to answer the same time as spencer. 

“hello?” 

“hello my lovely, we have a case and need you here ASAP.” penelope’s cheerful voice filled my ear. i sighed and looked up at spencer as he gave me the same look. 

i nodded. “okay. we’ll start heading over.” 

“who’s ‘we’?” penelope asked. 

“me and spencer.” i replied, not really caring if she freaks out because it’s worth it for him. 

she squealed over the line. spencer had already hung up and was waiting for me. “that’s so adorable. okay, get here quick, hotch is looking at me impatiently.”

“okay. see you soon.” 

“bye!”

i shoved my phone back into my pocket. “there goes the weekend.” i took spencer’s hand as we walked to where his car was parked. 

“i’m glad we got to do this.” he told me. i smiled, running my thumb against his hand. 

“me too.” i agreed. 

spencer stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to kiss me once. i giggled with my eyes closed. “what was that for?” i wondered. 

“just to make sure this is real.” he replied. 

i stood on my toes to kiss him again. “it is.” 

he kissed me one more time, which resulted in some guy telling us to ‘get a room’ to which i started laughing, head leaned back. 

spencer started dragging me to his car with that, we were in the safety of it when he kissed me one last time. 

“the team is waiting.” i reminded him. 

his eyes went wide. “i forgot.” he chuckled softly. 

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

when we made it to the roundtable room morgan whistled at us. “about time.” 

i smiled awkwardly and sat down, spencer following right beside me. “sorry. my car wouldn’t start.” i lied. 

“ah yes, so you repaid pretty boy with a kiss?” 

i whipped my head towards spencer and noticed a mark from the tinted chapstick i was wearing on his lips. i discretely used my fingers to wipe away any color that escaped my lips. “that’s not from me that’s from… a random girl on the street.” i avoided everyone’s eyes while attempting not to smile. “she thought he was handsome.” 

the whole team exchanged a series of unconvinced looks. hotch was the first to speak. “start the brief garcia.” 

with that she got started, talking about the new case full of gruesome details that i only heard half of. i was too distracted by the way spencer grabbed my hand under the table and squeezed it to assure we were okay. 

the team definitely didn’t believe any of what i’d just said but it didn’t really matter. neither of us cared. 

it definitely wasn’t too early to love him. 

[evil8keta]

Ok so I have a request and it’s kinda like a self-insert..

So.. A Platonic mercs and fem!reader who wears masculine clothing and has short hair. (Like a pixie cut or half-shaved head) The mercs think she’s a boy at first. But then they find out that.. *gasp* it’s a girl! How would they react? Again, platonic please, I don’t ship myself with any of them!

- Random Anon

I LOVE THIS REQUEST SO MUCH!! the scenario for this is that you had no idea that the others think ur a boy lol....also they all found out during a group meeting or something

the mercs find out that... *gasp* you're a GIRL?!

SCOUT

- WHAT?! WHAT???! he can't believe it.... scout immediately ran up to you and drowned you in questions like "are you sure you're a girl?? are you ABSOLUTELY sure??" eventually he was peeled off of you by spy cause he was being too annoying lol. anyway this big gender reveal surprisingly doesn't change how he behaves around you he was just very dramatic when he found out

PYRO

- gasp!!! no way!! pyro is so surprised!! they all have been misgendering you this whole time and you had no idea!! :( because of this pyro feels bad... but again, it doesn't change how they feel about you at all lol. they would definitely go up to you later and apologize to you for thinking that you're a man (not like you can understand their muffled voice through the mask anyway)

SOLDIER

- stares at you like this >:O for a whole minute then shrugs it off like eh whatever. nothing changes, he's glad they got your gender right now but it's not a big deal! he's going to treat you the same... at least NOW he understands why you gave him a feminine flowerly deodorant when he asked to borrow one from you

HEAVY

- oh... well, that's interesting. he tries his best to stay calm and not look surprised but the confused expression on his face and wide eyes say otherwise. he eyes you suspiciously, but stops suspecting you pretty quickly. it's obvious that you weren't hiding anything, and they all just assumed incorrectly, so it's their fault not yours lol. he's pretty chill after that, and the way he treats you doesn't change either, maybe he's just a little bit more careful towards you

DEMOMAN

- starts shouting and is the second one to question you right after scout is peeled off of you, smh. "SINCE WHEN WERE YE A LASS???" really confused and dramatic and it takes like 10 minutes to calm him down. after that he might actually start acting nicer towards you? idk to me he just seems like he really respects women. it's not a big difference he's just more of a gentleman

ENGINEER

- bamboozled but not for long. like at first he's like scratching his head and thinking about how come no one noticed sooner. but then he shrugs it off, smiles and starts congratulating you as if you had your own gender reveal party. you're his daughter now

MEDIC

- ALWAYS knew you were a girl, he read it in your medical files, but after he noticed that most of the other mercs view you as a man, he played along. for fun. however when you said you're a girl in front of everyone he was like gasping and covering his mouth, like omg?? you're a girl?? wowww right he sure had no idea... /s

SPY

- is....very surprised, but tries to not show it. spy ran background checks on literally everyone in the base, including you, so how did he not figure out you're a girl sooner..? perhaps he was too convinced that you are a man that he didn't bother to check lol. anyways after his initial surprise he's quite indifferent but he might but he might be more wary of you from time to time. like what else could you be hiding, huh?? you're secretly the president of Czechoslovakia or something??

SNIPER

- not gonna lie bro was sleeping the entire time of the meeting....then he heard the world "girl" lol and immediately woke up, looking around in confusion. after he came to his senses he was speechless for a while, like woah... you're a girl? okay. yeah he really doesn't care and just went back to napping. like yeah, good thing that everyone knows now, but it's really not any difference to him. he might treat you more gentlemanly afterwards tho, but that's just his manners

[nerves-nebula]

Why does Splinter get Raph a turtle?

OH GOODIE a fun ask!

some abusive parents are truly dedicated to the grindset of being awful to their kids. they only get them gifts for shitty reasons, or they never get them gifts at all. but a lot of abusive parents aren't like that, a lot of them think of themselves as pretty good parents. splinter convinces himself that most of his abuse is more about raising his kids right and less about how it makes him feel powerful and in charge. he does things that he thinks a good parent/teacher SHOULD do.

so sometimes he gets them gifts. if he was going to get anyone a pet, it would be raph. he thinks raph can handle an extra responsibility. mikey is too irresponsible, donnie's too weak and neither of them deserve it anyway. and as much as he likes buying Leo's affection and admiration, he doesn't want Leo to dote over something like a pet. he doesn't want leo to be "distracted" by it to the detriment of his studies. (really tho he doesnt want something that leo can love unconditionally but he wouldn't admit that to himself fsdfsdF)

he probably didnt go out looking for a gift for raph but it likely came at a good time. maybe raph bested leo in sparring, maybe raphs just been pretty on top of things for a bit. or maybe Leo failed at something and splinter wants to rub it in more by rewarding his second favorite kid and making Leo think he could lose his place as The Best One :)

(crucially Splinter is not really aware of the abusive reasoning, he's more going off of vibes here. like, he's thinking that he's "motivating leo" rather than "scaring leo by making him think he's replaceable" cuz to him Raph could never actually succeed in usurping Leo as favorite. but Leo doesn't know that.)

as for where he got the turtle, idk, the trash? pancake turtles are expensive but maybe a rich asshole threw it out or something once they decided turtles sucked and were lame.

splinter saw a turtle in the trash and was like "this cannot be a coincidence" like in that kind of way where you don't necessarily believe in fate or anything but you see something and ur like well shit. i can't NOT involve myself in this it's like. super relevant to me in a hyper specific way. also he thinks its funny to give a turtle to a turtle as a pet.

long answer but i hope that covers everythinggg

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

am i the asshole for cutting off my mentally unstable friend without any explanation whatsoever?

(🧠🌩️ so i can find it)

tw for abuse and cheating mentions

ok typing out that title makes me feel like i might be TA to, like, some degree but just hear me out first.

i (19, f) was in my first semester of college when i met rachel (20). we shared a class and grew to be friends over our shared nerdy interests. i admittedly didn't really like her that much at first and didn't consider her to be that close of a friend. she was really just someone to talk to when class got boring or we had a break or something.

i was actually kinda regretting talking to her at all because i clocked that she was a little unstable almost immediately; she was very quick to anger and constantly talked about fighting people that had ""wronged"" her (which included our professor who she was convinced was out to get her for some reason?? idk why our prof was a really nice lady), constantly trauma dumped without asking (i'm talking like early into our relationship too. first day we met she was ranting about her abusive mother and her childhood trauma and stuff), and always found a way to turn the focus of the conversation about her any time i tried to talk about myself or anything that wasn't our shared interests. the only reason i gave her my number is bc she asked for it and i didn't know how to turn her down without hurting her feelings--i'd been planning on ghosting the second our class ended.

so we continued to talk/text for like a year and (at her insistence) met up for lunch in between class the following semester. i warmed to her a little at this point so it wasn't too bad; at the very least her constant drama gave me something to talk about with my real friends, and like i said i didn't really know how to cut her off in a way that wouldn't start something.

so time goes on and she shuffles through a few boyfriends--all who either cheated on her or were inattentive/verbally abusive. she constantly asked me for advice, which was confusing bc she never listened to it? like she asked me if she should take back her ex who cheated on her 3x and i said "no that sounds like an awful idea" and then she exploded at me and screamed that i could 'go fuck myself' and to 'stay the fuck outta her business bc it's her fucking life and not mine'. but then the minute he (predictably) cheated on her again and dumped her guess who had to sit with her on the phone for 2 hours while she cried? yep. me!

this kinda bullshit continued all the way up to a few months ago. she met a new guy, told me all about how he was "the one" and "he's gonna be different this time" blah blah blah. at this point i genuinely stopped giving a fuck about her and her problems. the only reason i hadn't cut her off was because my other friends loved hearing about her drama secondhand and i admittedly did enjoy making fun of her with them. which i know is kinda shitty but at least she'll never find out about it?

anyways, shit starts to get particularly juicy bc two months into rachel's relationship with this new dude he proposes. and she accepts (?!!) not only that but she informs me (not asks. INFORMS) me that i will be a bridesmaid. and i panicked and just said "uhhh cool i'm so happy for you!!" so this is the point where i decide that i need to end this relationship bc having to attend her wedding is just not something i wanna be apart of and i felt that if i went through with that it would solidify our ''friendship'' in her mind and i'd never be rid of her.

so i stop responding to her texts as frequently and began ducking her calls. didn't have to stop initiating bc i never initiated convos with her in the first place. i'd answer every once in a while bc she would start spamming that she was having ""emergencies!!!"" which. they never were true emergencies; she just wanted to vent about her fiance and his shitty family or something his ex-wife did to piss her off (her fiance was like 20 and divorced twice with three kids. YIKES) and i'd listen until she got tired of talking and ended the call. not once did she ever ask about me btw. at this point she wasn't even to pretend to care about me or my life; i was just her dumping grounds for all her trauma and venting.

i thought she might've got the message that we were done bc she hadn't texted for like a month, but a few days ago i recieved a message that said something like "omg i haven't heard from you in a while, are you okay??" and. i'm not sure if i can put into words the sheer amount of exasperation and annoyance those words filled me with. like i could tell right off the bat it was just a ploy so she could get me talking and then vent and saddle me with all her stupid emotional bullshit. so i blocked her, finally. this shouldn't cause any problems bc she dropped out of school last semester (she was failing so she decided to start her own business).

the thing is, i know that she's mentally not well. she is very erratic and immature, add that to the fact that she's gone through a lot of trauma throughout her life and the end result is a deeply flawed person. at the same time i'm not responsible for her mental health and continuing to play friends with her what i don't even like her in the first place seems disingenuous. but she's got abandonment issues, so me doing this is probably gonna hurt her. although me being honest and saying that i can't stand her and her drama anymore probably wouldn't feel any better.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?